#also the back injury made it so I can't do my physical therapy for my shoulder

[after-witch]

Are you adjusting well after the move?

honestly--

nope, nope, nope, not at all. I'm not doing well in a serious way.

I feel very mentally displaced because I can't unpack anything extra due to my most recent back injury, so my apartment is still just Boxes and A Handful of Essential Things right now. I had to reschedule an appointment for my back issue, so hopefully I can get in soon.

I'm finding it difficult to finish things (commissions, work, anything personal) because my back issue after pulling it on Day 3 of Living Here makes sitting at a computer flare up my back pain.

But because of my feet issues, I can't stand for long periods either. I'm just constantly battling pain, inability to do normal things, while also still trying to work & take care of myself & eat food that is vaguely healthy for me.

I just feel like I'm stuck in metaphorical syrup right now, and I'm struggling to get to a flat surface where I can get balanced again. If that makes sense.

Sorry for the rant 'non, I appreciate you asking, i just wish I was doing better.

good thing:

I really do like my apartment & the area. It's a small town that I used to visit all the time when I'd get dropped off for doctor's appointments, and my apartment is within walking distance to a downtown area with quite a bit to do. (library! movies! an old fashioned arcade! parks & biking trails I can use once I get my bike fixed up!) My neighbors are totally fine and the set-up of where my apartment is in the building gives me more privacy than I thought I'd have.

edit: also I told myself I'd try to unpack one box before I go to sleep because it's on top of a table and I can reach it and BAM, finally found my desk microphone that I use when I can't type because of elbow flare-ups, but now I can use it while standing or walking around to write!! fucking yes. thank you, random box.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

First, let me apologise for making people worry. I appreciate all those who reached out and I'm sorry that I couldn't get back to you all.

I have been through a very rough spiral. It was building for months, and I am still not fully okay.

For those who want context, it's under the cut.

I bought a house in May. It's expensive. I wasn't ready financially or in many ways for that step, but my partner convinced me. I told him as much but I was not heard. Alas, I have a mortgage, full time work, astudent loan, and an ongoing school program to contend with. It hasn't been easy and it caught up to me.

At the same time, a person who traumatised me and I have no way of fully extricating from my life, has moved closer. To keep the peace, I have to associate with him to a degree and he pretends that nothing ever happened. To him, it was nothing.

In June, I moved. It was hard and fast paced. I did most of the paperwork etc for the whole process and obv helped with the physical transition as well. I was responsible for deadlines and checklists for not just myself but my partner.

I was plugging holes in a sinking boat.

At the same time, I had obligations to my family. Every weekend if I wasn't dealing with the house and all that goes into it, I was running around to babysit or see family or whathave you.

In July, I pinched a nerve behind my tailbone. I missed a week of work bc my injury but it took longer for my to recover. I am still feeling it today. It was more than physical, but emotional.

I also got three periods that month. Hormonal can't begin to explain how fucked up I've been.

On top of all that, there are underlying issues associated with other trauma and discontent. I'm realising that I have been loyal and tolerant to the point of my own detriment.

I don't want to hurt people how I've been hurt, so I don't speak up. When people tell me something about myself, I let all the doubts planted in my mind from years of abuse convince me that they're right. I can admit my faults but often times I will think that proof of one flaw means everything about me is rotten.

People forget about me or just don't care. Both or either. They don't put the same effort in that I do. I find it hard to connect because years of disregard and neglect have told me that the other side just won't care.

But I'm not just hurt, I'm angry. I'm seeking therapy and trying to figure this out.

It all boiled over after my last post. Nothing I do is enough. For anyone. Not even when it's a hobby. I was frustrated bc the place I use for escape just made me feel like less than.

Obviously, I don't mean everyone or even the majority. I appreciate the discourse and fun and everything here! There are so many awesome people to interact with and I have missed you all, however, my headspace was bad. Very bad. I had thoughts I haven't dealt with in years.

I put my nose down and just went to work. I didn't wanna talk to anyone. I didn't wanna be in the world.

I did some reading, eventually some non-fandom writing, and sometimes, I just stayed alive.

I don't know if I'm really okay but I'm trying.

To those who have been so patient and supportive, you deserve everything. To those who are silent supporters, you do too. And even to those people who send me the most vile hate, you deserve to lift yourself out of the dark space you're stuck in. Hopefully, I can, too.

[masonmontz]

heey everyone, how are you? :)

REMEMBER: english is not my first language

smut (unprotected sex, praise) word count: 2,5k

✦‎۟    ࣭   ⊹

“Oh… fuck.” Mason groaned as he came and leaned his head against the cold wall from the locker room bathroom, while still making light movements in his dick. Mason got goosebumps, he really wanted it to be your hand there. “Fuck.”

It was torturous having you massage his leg in physical therapy, no one would understand how horny you made Mason. He had just played the first half and was left alone in the locker room to take a cold shower. He was horny for half the game and will be lucky if no one notices in the photos that his dick was hard as a rock.

He closed his eyes, his breathing quickening as he thought about the sight of your breasts on top of him during the afternoon. It was really hard to concentrate on the rest of the day while Mason was in such bad pain in his balls, he just wanted to get back to the hotel and get relief, but he couldn't take it anymore and had to go to the locker room shower, knowing that some players were outside.

All Mason wanted was to get between your legs and fuck you, fill your neck with marks and kisses and lose himself in your pussy. No one knew, but you and Mason used to meet up in the corners of Carrington, or he would show up at your house just to have sex and leave, and that was fine, you also showed up when you wanted to have sex and Mason was okay with that.

Mason just came, but he couldn't stop imagining your lips around his dick, you kneeling looking up at him, and he felt his cock getting hard once more. He looked like a horny teenager and knew he would only calm down when he could get his naughty thoughts about you out of his head. 

It was so hot in the United States, Mason was upset to be going back to England in a few days. He knew he would be back in the rainy and cold weather and he would miss the warmth, especially since he saw you walking around the hotel in short clothes and that was not common in England.

“God, help me.” Mason begged the universe, but decided to get out of the shower, knowing that he needs to go back to the pitch and watch the rest of the match. He didn't hear anyone else talking and figured the players had left, so he wrapped the towel around his waist and even though he wanted to jerk off again, he decided not to.

You were taking the dry towels to the locker room, since the other players would be showering after the match and things needed to be organized. You were the physiotherapist, but sometimes you did a little bit of everything to make things easier for them.

As soon as you left the towels on the counter, the door to one of the showers opened and Mason came out with the towel around his waist. You were startled and tried to ignore the drops of water running down his body.

“Sorry, Y/N, I didn’t know you were here.” Mason spoke and you noticed he was red in the face and panting. 

“Hey, is everything okay? Are you feeling sick?” You got closer and Mason's face got redder, you looked at his body to see if there were any notable injuries but the only thing you noticed was... that he was excited. “Oh.”

The bulge was straining against the towel, and you felt your own face turn red as you caught Mason in an indecent moment. It was inevitable and you bit your lips, feeling your mouth go dry as other thoughts crossed your mind. Wild thoughts.

“Please, help me.” Mason whispered, placing his hand on his cock and moving it up and down, still with the towel. 

“Mason, we can't do this here, someone might come.” You scolded and approached him, looking back to see if anyone from the team was there. “Were you masturbating in the shower?”

“Because you had those boobs in my face during the pregame massage and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I spent the first half of the game so horny, it was hurting so much.” 

“You're so stupid, why didn't you wait until you got to the hotel?” Mason grabbed you by the arm and pulled you against him, knowing you couldn't resist him. 

“Because you're so fucking hot and all I thought about was fucking you the whole game, please I just came so hard, it felt like you sucked me off, I just want to cum again.” 

Mason pulled your hand down to the bulge on his hip and you sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to give up. You and Mason were like fire and gasoline, you exploded when you were together. You got along well, and Mason was desperate to fuck you. 

Who were you to say no, when you liked danger as much as he did?

You looked back at the empty locker room, but you knew anyone could walk in and that made you excited. Mason pulled you and took you to one of the showers, closing the door and pushing you against the wall.

“Mason, my clothes are going to get wet.”

“Shh, what's the difference if i'm going to make you wet too?” He ran his lips down your neck and pushed his body against you. The Manchester United uniform you were wearing was soft and so you could feel Mason perfectly. He took off his towel and threw it on the floor, and you drooled at the sight of his naked body, even though you had seen it many times before.

“Why are you so stubborn?” You pulled Mason's face towards you, so he kissed you. Mason is a good kisser, but your favorite kisses are when he's horny and wants to fuck you until your legs are shaking. 

Mason slid his tongue across yours and his hands were already pulling at your shirt, so he quickly took it off and left you in just your bra. He was going to throw the shirt on the floor but you forbade it, so you held it and moved away to hang it on the wall. And to tease him, you turned your back and took off your pants, sticking your ass out for him and showing off the black lingerie you were wearing.

Mason liked to tease, but so did you, and he went crazy when you did that.

As soon as you set your pants aside, Mason grabbed you from behind and pressed his erection against you, and you moaned without realizing it, but Mason quickly placed his hand over your mouth to keep you quiet.

“You don't want someone to catch us here, do you?” You threw your head back as Mason pressed you closer, placing your head on his neck as he trailed kisses down your shoulders and slid his hands down your body, unclasping your bra and taking it off.

Mason ran his hand over your breasts then pinched your nipple, making you close your eyes and sigh, feeling the heat grow inside you. He was so good with his hands, with his mouth, that you were always surprised by the things he did to you.

“Don't mess with me then, I don't want to get caught.”

“What's the point if it's not dangerous?” 

“Do your job, Mason.” 

Mason laughed and turned you to face him, kissing you once more. Mason brought his hands to the middle of your legs and pressed your clit through your panties with his thumb, and you sighed, because Mason knows exactly where to touch.

You brought your hand to Mason's cock and made slow movements up and down, hearing him sigh and kiss your neck. Mason was so sensitive. You pressed the slit of his cock slowly and Mason squirmed, bringing his hand to yours and helping you with the movements. 

“Yeah… fuck, this feels so good.” Mason grabbed your hand and pressed it against his cock, speeding up his movements and you felt it throb over your fingers. 

Mason let go of your hand and pulled your panties down, quickly bringing his fingers to your wet entrance, sliding his fingers through the soft slit and you sighed, bringing your mouth to his shoulder to moan without anyone hearing. 

Mason slid a finger inside you while you were still jerking him off, then you realized he was desperate and it was one of those days Mason didn't want games, just relief. You thought of him being turned on the whole game, in pain and wanting your hands or your mouth around his cock. 

“Did you think about me while you were playing?” You asked softly and pulled his lip with your teeth, then stopped the movements with your hand around his dick and pushed him against the wall. Mason sighed because of the cold wall.

Mason inserted another finger into you and increased his movements, watching as you closed your eyes and bit your lip, then you lifted one leg and Mason held it, helping you stand as you brought your hands to his hair and pulled.

“All the fucking time.” He responded and kissed you, then Mason took his fingers out of you and brought them to your mouth, making you suck both fingers. Mason felt his own cock throb at the sight, imagining it was his cock in your mouth. “I just wanted to fuck you and feel that wonderful pussy.”

You grabbed his wrist and put it around your neck, making Mason squeeze you. 

“Please just do this so I can get back to my work.” Mason raised an eyebrow and smiled, then turned you around so that your back was to him once more, placing you against the wall. You sighed as Mason pulled your hair and pressed his body against you, and you felt him bring his hand down to his cock and place it against your pussy, sliding and teasing you a little, until he thrust his entire length hard inside you. 

You moaned loudly as he filled you, so Mason quickly brought his hand to your mouth so you wouldn't make any noise. He pulled your head against him as he made quick movements from behind and filled you so well. You rested your head on his shoulder, trying to hold on to the wet wall. 

“Oh, Mason.” You tried to moan, even with his hand covering your mouth. You had your eyes closed and felt Mason's breath in your ear, sending shivers down your entire body as you heard him sigh too.

“I've waited so long to fuck you like this.” He brought his other hand up to your hair, pulling once more while with the other he tried to keep you still, but the sound of his hips hitting your ass was loud enough for anyone to hear. “Hm- yeah, so fucking good.” 

Mason took his hand off your hair and slid it down your body, bringing it to your clitoris and making quick movements with his fingers. Having sex with Mason was good because he knew exactly what to do, because you spent time discovering each other's bodies the first few times. 

“Oh god.” You mumbled against his palm, and Mason pulled out of you only to thrust in again. Mason made you bend over a little more, then he picked up your shirt that was hanging on the door and handed it to you. 

“Bite this.” You did as he said, and Mason held your hips with both hands as he moved back and forth behind you, movements so fast just to cum and relieve himself of all the excitement that filled you both. “Yeah, good girl.” 

You rolled your eyes, Mason knows you don't like it when he says that, but he does it to tease you and there's nothing you can do to make him stop. A heat ran through your body, and Mason was making clumsy movements, so you knew he was close to cumming again. 

You bit your shirt harder, but it was no use when the sound of your skin touching was as loud as a moan. If anyone was outside in the locker room, they would know there were two people there.

Mason pulled you up again and pressed his chest against your back, he made a few more movements and when he held you against him tightly, you felt him cumming inside you. The orgasm exploded inside you and you felt your inner walls press against Mason's cock as you came at the same time as him, letting out sighs while still biting the fabric of your blouse.

“Oh, fuck, it gets better every time.” Mason whispered against your ear while you still felt him throb. You brought your hands to his neck, holding and removing the blouse from your mouth. 

“I know.” That's what you managed to say, still trying to recover. Mason was holding you and that was probably what was keeping you from falling, as your legs were shaking like jelly. 

Mason pulled his cock out of you and you felt the liquid dripping down between your legs. Mason brought his fingers between your legs and touched your sensitive clit, you gasped at his touch, but he just wiped some of what had dripped and ran it over your nipples. 

“You look messy.” He chuckled softly and left a kiss on your hair, still behind you. You smiled tiredly at him, then pulled away a little and turned to him, putting your arms around his shoulder and giving him a calm kiss. 

“It's your fault, I hope no one notices.” You grabbed your clothes and decided to put them on, knowing that you would soon go to the hotel and could take a peaceful shower, and who knows, Mason might join you again. 

Mason picked up the towel on the floor which was now completely wet, but he didn't care and wrapped it around his waist again. He waited for you to put on your clothes and gave you another kiss, pulling you against him, then Mason quickly fixed your messy hair. 

“There you go, no one knows that you had sex in the bathroom with number 7.” 

“You like bragging about that number, don't you?” Mason smiled at you, shrugging. He gave you one last kiss and opened the door, checking to make sure no one was around to see you. Mason nodded and you quickly left, grabbing your slippers and running out, walking slowly and quickly checking yourself in a mirror, then you ran back to the physical therapy area, leaving Mason behind.

Mason shook his head and smiled to himself, and even though once again you just had sex, he liked you and he knew that if things continued like this, he could fall in love. He pushed the thoughts away, but he was already wondering what time he would show up at his room for another round.

[startrekfangirl2233-writes]

Love You Like That

Part 7 of Sometimes All You Need (A Getaway Car)

Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Reader

Description: The months following Jake's injuries during his deployment have been anything but easy. You have hope, however, that the two of you are strong enough to overcome all of the trials and tribulations that you encounter. After nearly losing Jake, it's the least you can do, right? Wrong. Especially when your boyfriend himself can't seem to understand just how difficult these past few months have been for you. Will he ever be able to understand your point of view? Or is this how you lose him - for good?

Disclaimers: Mentions of Injury, Arguments, Alcohol, Drunken talk, Smut

Warning: Female Reader

Word Count: 3670

Author Note: Here's part 7 of Sometimes All You Need (A Getaway Car). This chapter was my first time attempting to write an argument and I hope I did it justice. This is the third of the truly angsty chapters I have planned for this series. I hope you like it.

This chapter is inspired by Dagny's Love You Like That. I highly suggest you listen to the song while you read.

I also have about a million thanks for the lovely @desert-fern (@ferns-fics) for beta-reading this for me! Also! Look at my new watermark! @cassiemitchell made it for me and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!

AO3: Cross-posted Here!

My Masterlist

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"What do you mean you're going back to work in three weeks?" Your voice sounds incredulous and pained.

"I mean, I'm going back to work in three weeks." Jake sounds infuriated with you, and a part of you understands why - this is the fourth time you’re having the same discussion.

He doesn't seem to understand how your world had imploded in seconds when you'd found out he'd been hurt. Jake had been in a coma for three weeks! He'd been so severely injured that you weren't sure at times if he'd ever recover from the trauma. You still wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares. Sometimes it's still the same nightmare you had in the hospital. But more and more it's you waking up to find Jake cold and clammy in the bed next to you.

All the while Jake slumbers peacefully next to you. He doesn’t seem to understand the emotional toll his near loss has had on you. Maybe that’s partially your fault. You’ve hidden your exhaustion from him, resolving to be his rock. So instead you drive him to each doctor's appointment and every physical therapy appointment, masking your worry by showing your love for him in every way you can.

"I don't get you at all. Why can't you understand?" Jake's glaring at you, thin and pale standing across the island in your kitchen. His eyes are molten emerald, glinting dangerously in the warm lights.

"Why can't you understand?!" Heat crawls its way up your throat, uncomfortably prickling behind your eyes.

"You nearly died, Jake." You can't help how your voice breaks as you say that word.

"And?" He can't sound so matter of fact about this - like it is an everyday occurrence. Maybe it is - for him - but it's not for you. When you can't get your dry throat to cooperate, he continues.

"This is what you signed up for. I'm a Naval Aviator." He's breathing raggedly before he spits out, "Or did you forget that over the months we were apart? Did you forget that you'll never be my first priority? The Navy comes first. Flying comes first."

You feel like a marionette with all of its strings cut at his words. You can't believe this is Jake, your Jake, saying the words - the man you love, who claims to love you. You've made him your top priority since he's been injured. You haven't even seen Callie since the squadron got back. Jake has been your only focus. His words also send rage flowing through your veins.

"So that's how this works, right? It's perfectly alright for me to make sacrifices, to drive you everywhere, do everything for you when you're hurt, but you can't even hear me out?" A tear drips down your cheek as you look up at Jake. "I just want you to listen to me. To hear my fears, my worries and tell me that everything will be okay."

"But I guess that is an ephemeral hope. I'm not your first priority right? That's the Navy isn't it? What happened to, 'I'm looking for forever with you, gorgeous'?" You don't know when you moved around the island to face him, but you've got one finger pointed at his sternum. "I guess I'm just another fuck for you then. So what then? Why are you even here?"

You can physically see the regret in Jake's eyes as he tries to reach for you. But you slap his hands away before he can get close. Your rage is taking the wheel now.

"Why aren't you back on base? Go back to killing yourself with workouts before you're ready. Go back to having a multi-million dollar missile strapped to your ass going faster than the speed of sound." You ignore the pain in his eyes or how he gapes at you for your words. Then the anger takes over his face. His jaw tightens and his eyes glare even more.

"You want me back on base, gorgeous?" You can't help the way your fingers reach out to him as he whirls away, striding away as fast as he can.

"You got what you wanted then. I thought you knew what I wanted. I thought we were in this until the end. I saw myself growing old with you. So why? Why can't you just listen to me?" Jake's out of breath, his shoulder moving jerkily, protesting his movements, as you follow listlessly behind him as he jams his feet into a pair of sneakers and shrugs on a jacket.

You can't breathe. Each word cuts so deep that you're half sure that when you look down you'll see blood pouring out of you. But you're left standing in the yawning doorway as Jake gets into his truck and drives away. Every sound is muffled. Once again you feel adrift, tossed aside like you don't matter. There's no way Jake thinks so little of you. There's no way.

You're not sure how long you stand there, your heart bleeding as it sits perched in your hands. What did you do? Months of fostering an epic love and it's really that easy to forget? To forget all of the best parts of Jake? Jake makes you feel like no other man in the room. You can talk about anything and everything with him. And his eyes? They make you melt like ice-cream on the sunniest summer day.

Please, you beg yourself. Please, let cooler heads prevail. Please let Jake have just gone for a drive around the block. Please let him come home. But as the hours pass and the sun sets out the kitchen window, your unease grows. You’ve taken to keeping your phone barely a finger’s breadth away from you, praying that he’ll call. Your mind keeps running around in circles, the worry and fear preying on your every thought. When your phone rings from the coffee table, you nearly sprint to it, even when you're barely a foot away.

"Hello?" It's a number you don't recognize.

"Is this Gorgeous?" It's a male voice, deep.

"Yeah." You clutch the phone tighter to your ear.

"I've got a Jake Seresin here. You're the top number in his contacts. Can you come pick him up?” You scramble for a piece of paper.

“Yeah, I can come get him. Where is he?” Your voice is tight with worry as you listen intently to the address spilling down the line to you. When you put the address into your phone, it’s to a small bar halfway across the city. Out in the driveway, your car is the only one in its spot - meaning that Jake drove his truck there. You sit in complete silence during the entire cab ride to the bar.

It’s a seedy little joint, trapped between an alley and a strip club. The one, lone street light in the parking lot flickers with a dim, dirty yellow light. There aren't many cars in the parking lot, but you could pick Jake's pickup truck out on sight any day. The bar falls silent when you walk through the doors. The air stinks of unwashed flesh and spilled beer. A smoky haze lays over the entire building as you make a single-minded path to the bar counter. You try desperately to avoid thinking about where you’re stepping, what you’re stepping in, as you crane your neck looking for Jake.

It takes you a bit to find him, slumped as he is against a wall staring listlessly into the glass in front of him. The glass itself is chipped and clouded, but it’s no less cloudy than Jake’s expression. You walk forward, your movements hesitant and unsure but Jake doesn't look up until your sneakered feet are in his line of sight.

"What do you want?" You've never heard Jake like this. It's a tone that's all anger and spite as he downs the mouthful of amber liquid at the bottom before plunking the glass down on the bartop with a harsh thud.

"The bartender called. I'm still at the top of your emergency call list, Jay." You carefully cradle his face in your hands, tipping it up so you can see just how drunk Jake is.

"Huh." Every word sends whiskeyed breath into your face. "You're not m'gorgeous. Let go'a me. My gorgeous girl is home waitin' for me." He slaps your hands away as you try to get him to recognize you. You pay his tab before collecting his credit card and pocketing his phone. By the time you're back to Jake, he's quieted. You sit on a nearby barstool to wait. You have to sober him up, so first, you flag down the bartender.

"Can you switch him to water please? And keep it coming?" Your smile is forced when he hands Jake a tumblr full of water. You settle down to watch eagle eyed for the next hour as Jake steadily downs glass after glass of water. When he starts listing in the seat, this time because of sleep, you finally intervene.

Your sigh is soft and sad as you drag his arm around his shoulder. "C'mon cowboy. Let's get you home, yeah?"

Jake's mostly compliant, if uncoordinated as he drapes himself across your back. He's a far cry from his usual muscular self, in part due to lost muscle tone from his stint in the hospital, and you can feel every inch of his lighter weight draped over you as you stagger your way out to his pickup truck.

It takes you far longer than you care to think about to get Jake buckled into the passenger seat. His cheeks are flushed as his green eyes track your every movement slowly.

"Where're you takin' me?" His voice is all Texan drawl as you start the truck up.

"I'm taking you home, Cowboy." He doesn't seem to recognise you any better now than he did earlier.

"But y'dont know where I live. And I'm not goin' home with you. I only go home with my darling girl." You can't help your fond sigh as you drive carefully home. Even drunk and in the middle of the worst - and only, thus far - argument of your relationship, Jake's still loyal to you.

You're silent as you carefully drive home. Jake keeps up a token protest, grumbling under his breath as he sits in the passenger seat with his face smashed against the glass. When you pull the truck into the driveway and turn it off, it's to the sight of him snoring brokenly against the glass.

It's late, well past midnight and Jake's entire body is still recovering. He hurts just napping on your overstuffed sofa nowadays. So you carefully wake him up and help him stagger through your house. A couple of glasses of water more and you have a nearly sober, awake boyfriend to handle.

It's as you're gently tugging a fresh t-shirt over his head that Jake finally speaks again.

"Why'd you come get me, huh, Gorgeous?" You carefully cradle his head, fingers gentle as they trace over the still tender scars under his hair.

"Why wouldn't I, Jay?" His hands find your waist, sliding under your shirt to map out your skin.

"There wasn't ever a doubt that I'd come find you." You kiss his hair, pulling him in closer.

"Why?" You've never heard Jake sound so lost.

"Because I love you. One fight could never change that. I was so angry at you that I let my mouth get away with me. I'd do anything for you. I'd do everything for you." Your voice is hushed, choked by the tears you're valiantly trying to keep at bay.

"If you love me, then why can't you understand? Flying -" he clears his throat before saying the words, "flying is everything to me. I don't know who I am if I'm not a naval aviator."

"I never asked you to stop flying, Jake. I just." You take in a deep breath, trying and failing to corral all of your warring emotions. "I guess I just want you to be safe. To take a bit more time to heal before you head back up there. You’re my everything, Jay. When I got that call in the middle of the night saying you’d been hurt it felt like my world had rocked off of its axis. I was lost.”

Your sniffle is soft as Jake tugs you even closer. “A-and I hate fighting with you Jay. I know this is our first one, but I already hate it.”

Your breathing is ragged as you card your fingers through Jake’s soft short hair. “I just don’t want to lose you. Lose what we have. I want at least 40 years with you, you know? It’s non-negotiable.”

“My flying, baby doll? It isn’t going to change that. I promise.” His words should fill you with relief, but instead, all you’re filled with is more worry.

“You can’t promise that, Jake. You just can’t.” You pull away from him, looking out the big bay window in your bedroom with your back to the man who holds your entire heart. Jake’s thin and worn, his reflection and the light over emphasizing the bags under his eyes.

“Baby Doll -” You can’t even look at him right now. Your stomach is flip-flopping unpleasantly, all of your emotions clogging your throat and muffling your voice. You don’t think you can even look at his reflection without crying. Not tonight, not right now. You startle at the feeling of Jake’s hands on your skin. It’s something you’ve never done before. You’re just so on edge tonight that you feel like even your skin doesn’t fit right on your body. But Jake’s arms? Your body knows, no matter how tense your mind is or how wrapped up it is in your thoughts, that you belong there. You slump against his chest, turning in his arms until your ear is to his heart and your hands are flat against the warm skin of his back.

“Baby Doll?” Jake sounds so tired, even as his arms curl tighter around your frame. Each breath he takes sounds like the sweetest music you’ve ever heard.

“Jay?” Your voice is a barely suppressed sob.

“You scared me so badly.” Your sniffle is wet as you nuzzle further into his chest as you tell him exactly what he means to you.

“You’re so deeply entrenched in my life, Jay. You’re my heart. My whole soul. It’s only been a little more than a year since we met and I don’t even know what it means to not love you. I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for you. How?” You’re struggling to breath, your lungs not computing the oxygen entering them.

“How could I possibly let you go when it feels like I’ve just found you?” Your fingers grip tighter to his skin. You’re sure you’re hurting him but he never complains and just clutches you closer, his hand cupping the back of your head as you wet his t-shirt with your tears.

“You’re not letting go, Baby Doll. I’m not letting go of you either.” His voice is just as choked up as yours is.

“You’re just as deep under my skin, gorgeous. I wish I could tell you that I’ll be safer, that I’ll do better. But you were right, earlier. It’s not fair for me to expect you to make all of the sacrifices. It’s about time I made some too. Can you look at me, sweetheart? Please?” His hands are gentle, feather-light as they tip your chin up until your teary eyes meet his own.

“Tell me the word, sweetheart. And I’ll do it. I’ll quit the Navy. My contract’s up in a few months anyways. I’ll apply for desk duty until it’s up. For you, I can remake myself. Just say the word.”

“How could I ask you to do that? Wasn’t it your dream to fly?” You can’t believe what you’re hearing. Your eyes are wide as you gaze up at Jake.

“Baby doll, my dreams changed the minute I met you. You.” His hands rise to brush the tears from your face. “You’re my new dream. Forever and always. And this dream? It’s one I’m going to keep alive for as long as I still have breath in my lungs. My heart? It’s yours. So is my life. The decision, my gorgeous girl, is yours.” Your gasp is soft, but the way you smash your lips to Jake’s is anything but.

You pour your entire heart into the kisses you give Jake, breathing out your love against his cheeks, lips, and neck as you push him back towards the bed. Jake goes willingly, letting you strip the shirt off before settling yourself lightly in his lap.

“What’s this for, huh, baby?” His hands slide under your shirt easily, gripping the soft skin at your waist like they were made to be there.

“I love you, Jake. Do I need a reason to show you how much?” Your smile is soft and slightly mischievous as you ghost your lips gently against his.

“Not as far as I’m concerned, pretty girl.” The look in his eyes sends heat shooting through you as you capture his mouth again.

His tongue is wet against yours, plundering your mouth as he takes back control. His hands feel like brands over your skin as they drag you even closer. You're so wholly occupied by Jake that you barely notice your shirt landing on the floor or how your bra joins it seconds later. The next thing you feel is Jake's lips wrapping around your peaked nipples. Your resulting moan is high pitched and breathy.

Even when you're on top of him he drives you wild. In no time at all he has you writhing on top of him, completely bare. Your cunt is so wet that it's soaking a wet spot into his jeans. Jeans that you need off. It's been far too long since you've had Jake. Between his exhaustion and your own, and his recovery, all physical intimacy went out of the window months ago.

But now? You need him like you need air to breathe. His cock is already drooling precum as you work it over. When his head tips back, you take the opportunity to mark up the golden column of Jake's throat, pulling back only when there's a bruise blossoming against his throat.

"God, pretty girl. What're you trying to do, huh? Kill me?" Your resulting squeak is embarrassingly high-pitched as he manhandles you until you're ass up on the bed. "Or d'you want me so bad that you'd do anything to get my attention?"

You'd accuse Jake of being cruel if his hands weren't so tender against your fever-hot skin, your arousal so potent that it's practically emanating off of you in waves. The first press of his cock into you has you nearly sobbing in relief.

"Mmm." Jake's voice is a guttural growl against your shoulder as he pulls you in against your back is to his chest.

"My pretty girl. So wet and ready for me. Feels like forever since I've had this pretty pussy. Is it still mine, baby?" Jake's voice is all sex and smoke in your ear as his cock fills you up in a way no other ever has.

"It's yours, Jay." Your moans fill the bedroom as he fucks so slowly and deliberately into you that you can feel every inch of him in your throbbing, sopping wet core. "Always yours."

Your mind is already foggy. Jake's making you lose your thoughts, trapping your tongue with the constant, relentless onslaught of his cock as it hits your sweet spot every time with unerring precision. He already has you babbling, droplets of sweat dripping down your temples as the temperature in the room ratchets up. All you can think of, all you want to think of is Jake. He's your everything.

The way he's rutting into you feels like a brand burning into your skin. He's ruined you for all other men. Not that you'd ever think of ever letting anyone else into your heart. A part of you loves the thought. That you're Jake's and that he's yours. That same part of you longs for a marker, something to show to the world that he's yours. But for now, you can wait.

Honestly, you want something else just a bit more now, and that is to cum. With Jake, because of Jake. The pleasure that's been making you tongue-tied and cock-drunk, dumb except for the thought of Jake has been rapidly tightening the band in your gut. You want to cum, no, you need to. But you don't not until Jake's hands find your breast and your clit, rolling your nipple and rubbing harshly at your clit. That's the final straw. You cum hard, harder than you have in a long time, the pleasure making you see stars and fogging up your vision.

You come back to yourself draped over Jake's chest.

"Jay?" Your voice is rough as you murmur his name.

"Yeah, gorgeous?" He sounds half asleep as his big hand cups your bare ass.

"I don't want you to quit the Navy. I'm going to be an Admiral's wife one day, you know?" You grin into his skin as he squeezes your ass.

"An Admiral's wife, huh?" You can feel his smirk as he kisses the top of your head.

"You bet. I can't wait for us to be introduced to everyone as Admiral and Mrs. Seresin." You're smiling from ear to ear as you kiss Jake this time. It's an uncoordinated, sloppy, messy kiss, too much teeth and tongue but you love it anyways.

"I love you, my gorgeous girl." You can't help your smile as you fall asleep in his arms. Admiral and Mrs. Seresin. You're sure there isn't a sweeter title that you could ever hold.

I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVE MY WORK POSTED, TRANSLATED, OR PUBLISHED ON ANY SITES OTHER THAN HERE OR ON AO3 BY ME. IF YOU SEE MY WORKS ANYWHERE OTHER THAN HERE OR AO3, THEN THEY HAVE BEEN POSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND I WILL BE WORKING TO TAKE THEM DOWN.

Taglist:

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🚙 @eli2447

🚙 @f1maverick

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[mj-iza-writer]

Day in the life prompt. This was another request. I'm doing this as day in the life of Caretaker and Whumpee with Caretaker.

Then, Whumper and Whumpee with Whumper will be written in a different story. I think this will be too long if I do it all here. I also want to write Caretaker with a recovered Whumpee as well, but I know I've written several already. I enjoy that trop a lot. - Mj

I'll tag as # day in the life whump addition

Caretaker woke up and got ready just like any other day. They made their way down the hall doing their final adjustments to their outfit.

They quietly peaked in on Whumpee, who seemed to be sleeping comfortably. It wasn't quite time for them to get up, so Caretaker quietly closed the door again.

Down in the kitchen, Caretaker started their pot of coffee, and prepped breakfast. They also prepared Whumpee's morning medicine to have with breakfast.

Just before waking up Whumpee, Caretaker wrote the agenda of the day on a whiteboard so Whumpee knew what to expect today.

Whumpee woke to Caretaker gently shaking them. Their eyes fluttered open to a smiling face.

"Good morning Whumpee", Caretaker whispered.

Whumpee stretched and tried to go back to sleep.

"No, no. We can't go back to sleep, it's time for breakfast. You can have a nap later if you want", Caretaker gently pulled Whumpee to a sitting position, "come on."

Whumpee yawned and gave a tired look to Caretaker.

"I'm glad you're finally getting better sleep", Caretaker smiled as they swung Whumpee's legs around to help them up, "I'm sure your doctor will be happy to hear that as well."

Whumpee nodded, "I think that medicine they recommended helped, I didn't have any nightmares either."

"That's good, I'm glad", Caretaker grinned.

Whumpee was left to get ready.

Whumpee pulled on the outfit they lovingly called their comfy outfit. Loose fitting sweats, a long sleeve shirt that hid all of their scars and bruises, lastly, they found a pair of fluffy socks.

Whumpee looked into the mirror when they were all dressed.

"Well, I blend in a little. I still look frail and sick, but at least people can't see my injuries", Whumpee shook as they thought back to those days.

"Whumpee, I'm plating breakfast", Caretaker called to them, "please hurry a little if you can."

Whumpee practiced a breathing exercise to calm themself, then left the room.

They stopped at the board to read what was on the agenda for the day.

"Ugh, another doctor appointment today", Whumpee kept reading, "Ooh, that sounds good for dinner though."

Caretaker looked out at them, "oh good. Just in time."

"What doctor are we going to today?", Whumpee looked at them concerned, "I thought I was done for a while."

"Just a quick follow up with Doctor Pete, one of your test came back, and it needs to be retested", Caretaker looked over the board, "let's get breakfast and take your medicine. We have a while before the appointment."

Whumpee followed Caretaker to the table where breakfast was waiting.

Nothing major came up from the doctor... thankfully. Doctor Pete wanted to do a just in case test to make sure nothing was missed. Whumpee seemed to be healing really well.

On the way home Caretaker treated Whumpee to a sweat stop.

Whumpee now had a pound of candy sitting on their lap, and a big grin to go with it.

After lunch, Nurse Casey came by.

She watched over Whumpee while Caretaker took a break.

Caretaker went out for some errands and a few friends wanted to meet for coffee.

Nurse Casey did physical therapy with Whumpee, then let Whumpee lead the afternoon activities until Caretaker got home.

After Nurse Casey left Caretaker allowed Whumpee to have some private time to do whatever they liked while they worked in their office.

"I find it's important to let you have some personal time so you can become a little more independent. Though I will still be nearby in case you need me", Caretaker often said, "I believe you could become smothered with too much attention from me, and that could cause negative results and stress. Plus, you've spent the last few years around people with ill intentions, so I'm sure some peace and quiet is appreciated."

Caretaker encouraged Whumpee to pick up hobbies and interests as well. There was a good chance Caretaker would already have anything you could think of on hand. If not, they were happy to order it if you wanted.

Caretaker worked in their office for a while. They had to update Whumpee's care charts and journals as part of the care. They kept everything neatly filed in case the courts or detectives needed information.

This day, Whumpee had pulled out a puzzle and was working on the dining table.

Caretaker peaked in in time to see Whumpee blankly looking at a piece.

"Doing okay Whumpee?", they walked up beside them.

"Um, yes, I just realized my life has become like a puzzle. It feels impossible to put together though", Whumpee looked up.

"Yes I suppose it does", Caretaker took the piece from Whumpee, "sometimes it's good to work on puzzles together though", Caretaker placed the piece down into the puzzle Whumpee was working on. It was a perfect fit, "having a team to help you get the pieces together makes things a little easier."

Whumpee looked up at Caretaker with a, thankful expression, "thankyou", their lip quivered.

"You're welcome, Whumpee. I'm always here for you", Caretaker turned, "I'll be in the kitchen preparing dinner and getting your evening meds together."

That night, Caretaker brought Whumpee's last pill for the night to the bedroom. Whumpee was resting in bed already, but sat up to take the medicine.

Caretaker sat on the edge of the bed as Whumpee took the pill. Caretaker listened as Whumpee talked. They smiled when the pill seemed to be working.

"I caught that yawn", Caretaker grinned, "your eyes are getting heavy."

Whumpee nodded tiredly.

"That medicine seems to help you wind down a lot", Caretaker helped Whumpee lay down, "it works pretty fast for you as well."

Whumpee nodded again, "my whole body is untensed as well", they yawned, "I like that feeling."

"I'm glad", Caretaker covered them, "I'll be in my office for a while, then I'm going to bed. Call if you need me, okay."

Whumpee nodded, "thankyou Caretaker for taking care of me. I appreciate you so much for helping me."

"You're welcome Whumpee", Caretaker started to leave, "get some sleep."

Later, after Caretaker finished their notes for Whumpee's day, they made their way to Whumpee's bedroom to check on them.

Whumpee snores lightly as Caretaker pulled the blankets up again.

"Goodnight Whumpee", Caretaker looked over the sleeping Whumpee, "you are an honor to take care of."

Caretaker yawned, "it's time for bed", they stretched as they walked to their bedroom, "then we'll do it all over again tomorrow", they smiled.

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all. @villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived @sacredwrath @porschethemermaid @monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz @bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13 @notpeppermint @weirdthingweee

[redstringraven]

For Cassia: 3, 8, 11! And for Nyxram: 1, 6, 11!

<:D!! AAAAA thank you so much!

Secret Ask List

-------------------- .: • CASSIA --------------------

3) what song describes your oc?

cassia is one of those ocs where the music i find for her playlist is almost all vibes and not really based on lyrics. it's the energy of the music, the way it makes you wanna move or bob or sing along. that being said: "rage" by hyper crush and "joyride" by kesha immediately make me think of her. lyrically, "i love it" by icona pop might be a good fit.

8) what hobbies does your oc have? what do they do to unwind?

cassia's major hobby is rollerskating! but she's also super into street art, and she enjoys beautifying her favorite areas of new york in a manner of silly or meaningful ways. when she's at home, she also enjoys random doodling--mostly ideas for graffiti or future street art--learning dances from her favorite music videos, and playing a variety of video games.

11) what was your inspiration for your oc?

i distinctly remember driving to my local movie trading company to see if they had any physical dvds for tmnt'03, and "girlfriend" by avril lavigne came on spotify shuffle. for whatever reason, i got the image of a pink-haired girl in rollerskates, and she wouldn't leave my head. cassia's my first tmnt oc, and i think she was always meant to be kind of like april in that she's a grounding presence in their otherwise chaotic lives. despite how high-energy and mischievous she is, she's extremely stable and does regularly go to therapy, which has made her more thoughtful and aware of others along with herself. her biggest conflicts come from being an out trans-girl in the 90s and early 2000s, but none of it is tied to her immediate family (her parents ADORE her). she is, for the most part, about as ''''average'''' a civilian in the tmnt'03 world as you can get. i dunno! i think i kind of just wanted to give them all another anchor of sorts, another safe haven. cassia's parents, oliver and esme, also become guardian figures to the turtles in a sense (especially mikey). esme loves to mother them.

-------------------- .: • NYXRAM ----------------------------

1) does your oc have a voice claim, if so who?

god yes. nyx's voice claim is shohreh aghdashloo. the moment i heard her as enforcer grayson in arcane, i pointed at the screen and muttered: "you". as someone who's very picky about these sorts of things i seriously feel like it was gift-wrapped to me. >xD shohreh also provides the voice for the dragon in damsel, which is a dumb as hell movie but i will continue to listen to it for the sake of hearing her talk.

6) if your oc is in a fantasy setting, what profession would they be in the modern day?

kind of a weird question, since 'modern day' implies that this is more a difference in time period? e-e;; i imagine she'd likely still have assassin roots, but. after the rebellion succeeds, the republic begins to rebuild, and the games are disbanded, nyxram takes it upon herself to use her family's "estate" as a sanctuary for the animals used in the games, since most of them can't be returned to their natural habitats due to injuries and/or being raised in captivity. so! i think a potential "modern day" or "human" profession for her might be owning and managing something like an old friends senior dogs sanctuary. providing housing, love, and comfort for older animals when most folks want younger pets, and ensuring that their last few years are happy and safe. she's taken so much life, so... it feels like giving back, in a way.

11) what was your inspiration for your oc?

@/plantdonut doesn't live with me (alas), but if she did, i would have turned to her during our '03 rewatch a few years ago and asked, bluntly, "why do all the triceratons gotta be dudes? where're my giant, amazon warrior dinosaurs?". and within a few days, i was practicing my hand at drawing triceratons, so i could make it so. my two major points of inspiration for nyx come from cassandra cain (2nd batgirl, pre-new52) and john wick. cassandra for being... basically born and bred to be the perfect assassin, only to have 'too much' compassion and love and guilt and go hero instead, and john wick for being a 'baba yaga' to anyone who knows his name. not the boogeyman, but the one you send to kill the boogeyman. the idea of a triceraton assassin was very cool to me, given that they're often a straight-forward, loud, and blunt force to face with little concern for being subtle. it also draws an interesting connection to her and the turtles; at some point nyx comments that despite their practice being tied to assassins such as herself, any blood on their hands comes from self-defense. in some ways, she envies them. but in many more, she doesn't. she's the sole survivor of her clutch, and the only one of her siblings to 'earn' a name. she was, in a way, a political move--a gift/tool offered to the prime leader to ensure that her parents had a connection to power and could continue their own work with protection from punishment. ...they just didn't expect for her to want something else. since the triceratons seem to have a handful of 'nods' and aesthetics pointing toward the roman empire, i named nyxram after the greek goddess 'nyx', the personification and substance of night. i also specifically use greek spelling with her, whereas her parents will have roman spelling of their names to further emphasize her 'otherness' from triceraton society as a whole.

[chickenparm]

chicken parm how are you doing.... i miss seeing your silly little posts

hiya buddy! i'm still here, still kickin, just dealing with a lot of life stuff happening all at once. parm grumbling under the cut about irl stuff

back in may, my bf was in my smart car and some kid ran a red light and completely totaled the car.

because of that kid's dumb decision, my bf is saddled with a shoulder injury that has him in physical therapy twice a week, plus our main mode of transportation was destroyed. not to mention he needed it for his job, so that was a huge loss of income since he can't work with his shoulder like this.

us losing that income has made it so we're pretty behind on rent and bills, and we have to move out of our home and back in with my parents a few states away at the end of august. on top of all that, we're in the middle of an injury settlement with the other driver's insurance and THAT has been stressful as well.

i also have been working around 50 hours a week at a highly physical job to make ends meet and have money for this move, since i don't think the settlement will come before we have to leave this place. i just haven't have the mental resources to spare being a goofy little guy online and writing and other things i enjoy.

basically, i'm just trying to make it through these next few months and hopefully everything will smooth out eventually. i'm just all jumbled up.

[beeehiives]

In The Wee Small Hours of the Morning

Vecna is defeated, time moves on, but Steve still can't sleep. Neither can Eddie.

A short story short: Eddie and Steve help each other get some rest.

Fic below, but also on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53420725

Transitioning back to real life post-Vecna happened much quicker than Steve was expecting. He had expected something else to go wrong, or at least to get caught up in the endless cogs of government bureaucracy as the folks at the lab tried to convince the entire town they’d experienced a run-of-the-mill earthquake.

It’s not as if it’s been a smooth transition, either. Max is still in physical therapy, working out how to walk again and being stubbornly stoic the entire time. The rest of the kids refuse to leave her side, bringing snacks and books and trying to recruit her to their nerdy dragons game.

Steve’s still healing, from the bat bites. He peeks at them sometimes, in between hospital visits. As far as post-Upside-Down injuries go, he’s had worse. His neck still hurts like a bitch, and the bruises still haven’t fully gone away. Every time he thinks about them, he gets cold shivers and has to close his eyes and breathe slowly for a few minutes. He feels weak.

Eddie’s even worse than he is, still asleep at the hospital a few doors down from Max’s room before she’d been released. Steve had taken him, carried him across the portal with steady, bloody hands. His torso had been torn to shreds, losing so much blood that Eddie had passed out cold.

Steve always figured he was good in a crisis. He knew how to get things done when they needed to be. It wasn’t until Eddie was lying in the hospital bed, unconscious but stable, that Steve allowed himself to worry.

Steve had stayed by his side for days, waiting for him to wake up. He read, paced around, and mostly made himself sick with anxiety. Wayne kept insisting that it was good he stay, that if Eddie were to wake up when Wayne was working, Eddie should have a familiar face to help him relax.

Steve felt like an imposter. He barely knew Eddie, really, having only known of each other in high school and having limited opportunities to talk when they were under attack by Vecna. Still — Steve felt a closeness to the boy lying on the hospital bed, long hair messy and tangled.

In the late night hours, when all the kids had gone home to sleep, Steve remained beside him. He tracked the movement of his chest, up and down, up and down. He worried that if he looked away, Eddie might stop breathing. He tore his eyes away from the shallow breaths and looked down at his hand.

Something rotten and forbidden hidden deep inside Steve called out for him to take Eddie’s hand. He wanted to hold him, feel his heartbeat through the vein on his wrist, become closer and closer to him. Eddie’s hand looked different without his rings on.

“Stevie,” Eddie’s voice would have startled Steve if he wasn’t too tired to even move. “What’re you doin’?”

Steve stared blankly. Eddie was awake, looking at him, soft features forming an expression of amused confusion. Steve opened his mouth to say something, before surging forward and hugging Eddie.

It was awkward, Steve leaning over the hospital bed and trying to avoid irritating any of Eddie’s wounds. Eddie let out a startled laugh and brought his arms up to hug Steve back. They stayed like this for longer than Steve thought he’d be capable of, before Eddie shifted and winced. Steve moved back immediately.

“Sorry.” Steve dropped his eyes back down to Eddie’s hand, suddenly bashful again. “I don’t know what I’m doing…here. Wayne’s working a shift and I figured…I don’t know. The kids are home sleeping, and you might want someone to—"

“I’m glad you’re here. Woulda sucked to be by myself,” Eddie starts, and a toothy grin makes its way to his face. “Especially after my heroic act.”

“Sure, man,” Steve huffed with laughter. He could feel the tension draining from his chest. Eddie’s awake. He’s alive. Steve’s hands start to shake. He sits back down beside the bed, trying to regulate his breathing.

“You scared the hell out of everyone,” Steve says quietly. “Dustin’s been here a bunch. All the kids have. They’ve been going back and forth between you and Max.”

“The kid’s alright?” Eddie asks, trying to sit up.

“Cut it out, you’ll tear something,” Steve says. “She’s healing. A lot of broken bones, but she’s in PT now and she’s as fierce as ever.” Eddie nods, satisfied. “I’m going to get a nurse to check you out.”

As Steve starts to stand up, Eddie stops him.

“Hey,” Eddie’s expression is hard to read. He’s looking at Steve’s neck, the bruising faint across his skin. “Thanks for bringing me back. And, uh, for staying.”

Steve nods. He goes to get a nurse, his task distracting him from wondering how Eddie knew it was Steve that had carried him home.

——

After that, time moves too quickly. Max seems to be doing better every day, and the kids spend the majority of their time filling Eddie’s hospital room with chatter and games (Steve still doesn’t quite get the rules of Dungeons & Warlocks). The Byers and Chief Hopper have temporarily moved in to Hopper’s old cabin, deciding to stay for a few weeks to let everything settle before they can get started on moving back to Hawkins.

Eddie, for his part, interacts with the kids in high spirits. He even teases Dustin, promising that “you can’t get rid of me that easily, I’m indestructible!”

Steve feels like he’s falling behind. When he goes home, it’s to an empty, dark house. His parents called to see if there had been damage to the house from the ‘earthquake,’ and after assuring them there wasn’t any, they’d hung up to continue their extended Europe vacation, far from the Indiana heat.

Steve barely sleeps, and when he does, the nail bat is underneath his bed. He’s prone to waking up in cold sweats, images of hellish dog beasts and flesh tearing and everyone he loves dying lingering in his mind. He tries to spend as much time as he can with Eddie, but gets ushered home by Wayne, who insists he should be trying to rest instead of spending all his time in the sterile hospital.

Sometimes, Wayne will be working, and Eddie will let him stay overnight with him at the hospital. They shoot the shit, playing card games and talking. Steve learns about Eddie’s world-star band, about how when they first started playing, Gareth would tease him for getting pre-show jitters. Eddie tells him about his parents, how he’s been staying at his uncle’s ever since they walked out of his life when he was a kid.

Steve listens, content to learn about Eddie and stare unabashedly at his animated expressions.

Steve is surprised when Eddie insists on knowing about Steve, too. He’s genuinely curious, asks way too many questions and listens intently. Steve feels nervous under his intense gaze, like he’ll slip up making eye contact and accidentally tell Eddie he thinks he’s beautiful.

When it gets late, and Eddie can’t keep his eyes open anymore, he asks Steve to stay. He won’t say why, but Steve wouldn’t say no either way.

Steve falls asleep in his chair next to Eddie’s hospital bed, head leaned onto the mattress, facing Eddie. It’s uncomfortable as hell for his neck when he wakes up, but he sleeps longer than he’s managed to sleep in a long time. It takes him a while to identify, but he realizes with a start one morning that he feels safe for the first time in too long.

Sometimes, when he’s right on the edge of sleep, in the quiet hospital room, Steve thinks he can feel Eddie’s fingers in his hair, brushing it behind his ear and off his brow.

——

When Eddie gets released from the hospital, Steve’s worried he’ll be done with him. Like, thanks for the company when I literally had nobody else to talk to, bye now!

Instead, Eddie insists on having Steve come over to the new place he and Wayne are set up. Since their old trailer was demolished (thanks, Vecna), the government set them up in a tiny two-bedroom on the edge of town that had been empty for decades, probably because it’s a couple busted pipes away from being condemned.

Eddie’s reputation was worse for wear, so he was instructed to stay inside until they were able to get everything sorted out.

Every time Steve worried about overstaying his welcome, Eddie fired back, arguing that he’d be getting “serious cabin fever” without company. The kids were back to school soon enough, deciding it was better off to finish out the school year than to have to redo the whole thing.

It was mostly just the two of them in the house, with Wayne back to work to afford groceries and keep up appearances. Steve found himself getting even closer to Eddie, his bright nature and infectious energy keeping him steady when the weight of what they’d been through threatened to overwhelm him.

One night in May, they’re lounging around the living room watching some awful late night soap opera and eating pizza when Steve perks his head up, remembering.

“How’d you know it was me who brought you back?” Steve looked over at Eddie, who shrugged. The moonlight glimmered through the window, catching Eddie’s face.

“I kept fading in and out. I think when you lifted me through the portal, it jostled me awake a little bit. I just remember feeling you carry me. And, when you almost dropped me when we landed back in the real world.” Eddie grinned, glancing teasingly at Steve, who rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t, though,” Steve smiled, taking a swig of his coke. “Carried you all the way out to the edge of the park, too. The ambulance couldn’t make it with the roads that jacked up. They almost wouldn’t come out.”

The feeling returns. Steve remembers how limp Eddie was in his arms, how frantic Dustin was, yelling at Steve to ask if he was still alive. Steve’s hands start to shake again, and he wants to reach out to touch Eddie and feel his heartbeat.

Eddie, ever so observant, leans forward and furrows his brow. “Dude, you okay?” Steve nods.

“I don’t like thinking about what happened. I can’t sleep because of it,” His own honestly startles him. Steve hasn’t told anyone about his issues sleeping. He crashes on the Munson family couch now and again when it’s too late to drive home, but he’s still never slept better than when he was right next to Eddie in the hospital room, messed up neck and all.

“Nightmares?” Eddie’s voice is soft, Steve almost can’t hear it over the dull chatter of the TV. Steve nods. “Same here. I keep seeing those things tearing into people. I don’t think I’ve slept through a full night yet, since—“ He cuts himself off.

“Since?” Steve asks. Eddie shifts uncomfortably in his chair. He nods his head, in a here goes nothing kind of way, before speaking.

“Since the hospital. It felt better—safer, when you were in the room. I don’t know. It’s not the same with other people. I’ve asked Wayne to stay with me until I fell asleep, but I keep waking up, same thing. With you—“ His voice wavers.

Steve fights to keep his expression neutral. He wants to reach out, comfort him, make him feel better. He elects to let Eddie finish. Eddie clears his throat. His voice is steadier.

“With you, it was like I was with someone who understood, who’d gone through the same shit. Like a trauma bonding kinda thing, I guess.”

Steve nods. “I felt the same.” Eddie seems to perk up at this. “Like, I could let myself relax because I was, uh. With you.” Steve feels a bit awkward now, that he’s said that last part. He half expects Eddie to laugh at him, or worse, be disgusted at his confession.

“Want to try it again?” Eddie’s voice is clearer, stronger now.

“Try what?”

“Sleeping. Together.” Eddie clarifies, before laughing at himself and shaking his head. “Like trying to rest. Only if you want to.”

Steve agrees faster than he can react. Thirty minutes later, they’re putting their plates in the sink and Steve’s awkwardly shuffling behind Eddie, who has to steady himself every now and then and walk a little slower than usual, thanks to the still-healing torso wounds.

Steve borrows a pair of pajama pants and an old, worn band tee that Steve’s never heard of. Eddie chuckles when Steve returns after changing.

Eddie gently lowers himself back into bed, the whiny squeaks of the shitty old bed frame the only sound in the room. Steve’s never been in here before, and he looks around at the boxes of clothes, haphazardly taped up metal band posters, and Eddie’s acoustic guitar, which Hopper salvaged from his trailer after he woke up.

It’s endearing, seeing how resilient Eddie has been in the face of a total uproot of his life.

Steve turns off the light and moves to sit on the floor next to the bed. Eddie blinks at him.

“What’re you doing, dude?” Eddie grunts and sits up on his elbows. Steve tilts his head.

“I thought we were going to sleep.”

“Oh. Yeah, I mean—but—you don’t have to sleep down there.” Eddie pats the mattress next to him, moving the blankets back for Steve. The darkness of the room is comforting, hiding Steve’s face. He can still see the outline of Eddie’s wild hair, and his heart races.

“I don’t mean to intrude.” Steve whispers.

“You could never.”

Steve nods, moving to get into the right side of the bed next to Eddie. The mattress is just large enough for both of them, meaning that with Eddie having to sleep on his back to heal, Steve has to turn on his side in order to not bump shoulders. He turns facing away from Eddie.

They lay in comfortable silence for a while, before Steve feels Eddie shift and bring his right arm up onto the pillow.

“I’m glad I got to know you,” Eddie whispers. In the silence of the night, it feels like they’re the only two people in the world. Steve is overwhelmed with emotion — with love. He feels heavy with it.

“I—“ Steve cuts himself off. He isn’t sure what he’ll say if he lets himself talk.

Eddie shifts around some more, gently tapping Steve’s back with his fingers. Steve trembles.

“Hey,” Eddie says. “You okay?” Steve turns around to face him. Eddie has shifted so he’s somewhat on his side facing Steve, a move which looks comfortable but he’s sure Eddie’s doctor would chastise him about.

Eddie scoots closer. He takes Steve’s trembling hands in his own.

“What’re you thinking about, Stevie?” Eddie whispers, his face inches away from Steve’s. He can smell Eddie’s shampoo, feel the warmth of his hands. Steve has never felt more safe, more secure.

“I’m falling for you.” Steve manages. He feels Eddie’s intake of air. Steve’s so tired he barely registers the potential consequences. Eddie could tell everybody, could make him leave, want him out of his life.

Instead, Eddie leans forward and kisses him. His hand comes up to brush against Steve’s jaw, and he moves forward to tangle their legs together. He has to stop when he winces in pain, readjusting his torso.

“Shit, sorry.” Steve croaks out. Eddie lets out a quiet, happy laugh.

“You really are?” Eddie asks. Steve nods. His hands aren’t shaking anymore.

“Is that…okay? I can leave if that makes you uncomfortable, I’d get it if you—“ Eddie kisses him again, and Steve can feel the smile on his lips.

“It’s the same for me, pretty boy,” Eddie says, voice soft. “I didn’t think you’d—I mean, I never thought you would too. C’mere.”

Eddie lifts his arm up to put under Steve, and Steve tucks his head into Eddie’s neck, breathing in slowly. He feels his mind start to relax. He puts his arm around Eddie, careful to mind his bandages.

Before he falls asleep, he can feel fingers soothing the tangles in his hair and a gentle kiss pressed to the top of his head.

He sleeps better than he has in years.

[zeciex]

I hope you had a wonderful holiday season! I came across this tumblr post regarding Aemond’s eye injury and the nerve damage that could be associated with it https://www.tumblr.com/alwaysahiccupandastrid/701732280393252864

(I’m a total nerd for this kinda stuff bc I’m a physical therapy student lol).

I instantly thought of a vow of blood and the instances you wrote about Aemond experiencing pain in his eye and around his skull. How you describe it is fascinating and spot on with what’s being described in that post!!

I have, and I've gotten quite a break from writing which is really nice, but I can't wait to get back to it again when the daily routine gets back on track.

I read that post as well and made a lot of notes about it because I wanted it to be as real as possible. Aemond carries with him this physical pain that gets aggravated by such things as touch--like his eyepatch, or generally when someone or something touches the area--as well as emotional states--as we see when he gets mocked, angry, frustrated or generally feel negative emotions. It's a very real pain, but its also a phantom pain. And we've seen more of it since Storm's End because his guilt--that he won't admit to--presents itself as much as the ghost of Luke but also the pain.

I just really wanted the two things to go hand in hand, the emotional trauma as well as the physical trauma.

We've also seen him use more medicine now than before SE because of how bad it is. Before, he didn't really want to use it, he saw it as a weakness almost, something to be associated with his father and brother, but since it's gotten as bad as it has, and since it endures much longer, he has taken to dull the pain. It is partially an emotional crutch as much as it is general relief of pain--and I don't know if you've noticed, but Aemond very much associates Daenera with 'soothing' the pain away, that her touch eases it, that her love gives him a reprieve. She doesn't remove it, it is always there, but for a moment it is forgotten.

I'm a very descriptive writer--and person--so when I write things like these, I try to associated everything with something tangible, something we can understand. It's a bit like smells for me, I don't have my sense of smell. It's not covid, I've just never had my sense of smell due to allergies (supposedly). So, to understand what smells and scents are really like, the people around me describe them in something I can imagine, something I might understand. I won't fully understand it though, but I can associate things through imagery. I try to do the same for emotions and things like that.

I'm really happy how A Vow lingers in my readers minds and you think of it outside of the story itself <3

[darkjanet2]

Sonic Adventure 2: Sonadow

Chapter 28: Welcome Home, Sonic.

3 months later, the nurse removed the bandage from Sonic's abdomen and sighed with satisfaction. The wound was healing quickly and looked healthy enough. She then wiped the stickiness from Sonic's fur.

"All right, your skin is clean of infection. You have a good chance to recover," said Nurse Daisy.

"So I'll be okay?" asked Sonic.

"Yes, you'll be fine. Don't worry about it too much," she smiled reassuringly, "the doctor says you're doing really well."

"Thank you," replied Sonic with a huge smile. He couldn't wait for the day when they could finally take him home. It had been 3 months since he was hospitalized after the battle with Eggman. That time he almost died. But now he felt much better. Not only did his wounds heal faster but he also felt better than before! He didn't remember much of what happened after waking up in that strange place, though some memories were left over.

"The doctor will be here for a moment and check how you're doing," announced the nurse as she exited the room. A minute later the door opened again, and Dr. Harrison came to the room carrying a clipboard.

"Hello, Sonic," said Dr. Harrison with a friendly smile.

"Hi, Dr. Harrison," greeted Sonic as he stood up from the bed. "It seems like my wounds are all healed!"

He flexed his arms to demonstrate. Dr. Harrison chuckled and nodded. "I'm glad you are feeling well. Now let's see if we can find out why your body has decided to give you these wounds..." She began scanning Sonic's body with his stethoscope. She took note of every injury. "Well, there doesn't seem to be any obvious cause for this. Your internal organs are fine, so there aren't any problems there, either..."Dr. Harrison moved around and continued her exam.

After completing her examination, she stepped back. "Your health looks great, Sonic. You're free to go," she smiled.

"Great, thanks Doc!" exclaimed Sonic excitedly.

"And I don't want you to rush back into action. Just make sure to rest, eat, and drink a lot," she said as she wrote down a note. "And here's the prescription for some painkillers. They're mild enough that you should feel no pain once you take them." She handed Sonic a note. Sonic thanked her again. As soon as she left, Sonic went to the first floor straight down to the pharmacy and got his prescription.

As he exited the hospital, Rouge was out there waiting for him. She was standing behind her

white Lamborghini while she was surfing her phone. She looked up and grinned at Sonic. "Hey there, blue boy!" she exclaimed cheerfully.

"Hiya, Rouge," said Sonic as he approached her car. After opening the passenger door and getting inside, he sat down next to her. Rogue started driving and departed from the hospital.

"So how are you doing?" asked Sonic.

"Oh, I'm great. How about you?" asked Rouge. Sonic shrugged, "It was boring. I'd been in the hospital for 3 months," he said. "I did some physical therapy during those three months until my belly recovered. It wasn't so bad at first, but it kinda wore me out, even though there weren't any injuries on my body."

"So you're all better?" asked Rouge.

"Yeah, I can't wait to see my friends again!" exclaimed Sonic happily. "I miss 'em, Rouge. I can hardly wait to get home."

Rouge smiled softly. "I know you miss them. Let's go to your house," she suggested as she drove in the direction of Sonic's house. A few minutes later they arrived at the address. Rouge parked her car and they hopped off of it. As Sonic walked to his door, he unlocked the door and opened it, revealing a very crowded living room. They set up "Welcome Home" decorations along with streamers and balloons.

"SURPRISE!!" shouted several people at the same time. Sonic jumped in surprise. The group had surrounded him, congratulating him. "Mr. Sonic! We missed you!" cried Cream. He returned their hugs. Amy and Tails hugged him as well.

"We knew you'd come back! Mr. Sonic, we made cookies! We hope you like chocolate chip!" said Cream.

"Aw, you made those for me? Thank you, Cream!" he said, smiling brightly at the little girl. She smiled back.

Just then the green crocodile named Vector approached him with a big grin. "Hey, Sonic! I heard you've been in the hospital for 3 months and I thought it would be nice to celebrate by having fun together!" He pulled Sonic into a bear hug. Everyone cheered as Vector hugged Sonic tightly. Sonic laughed and returned the hug."Glad you're doing alright, Sonic!" he exclaimed.

"Thanks, man," said Sonic with a big smile. "I'm happy to be home again, just glad to see you guys again," he added. They released each other. Vector put his arm over Sonic's shoulders and the others followed his lead."Let's go to the kitchen, guys. We've got lots of snacks ready!" said Amy.

They had cake, pizza, chips, cookies, juices, and soda. As everyone ate, they talked. There were many things to talk about. They turned on the music to listen to Christina Aguilera singing the song "Genie in a Bottle" as they were dancing to the beat of the music.

Sonic walked to the hallway to see Knuckles leaning against the wall and watching the party. When he noticed Sonic walking toward him, he smiled. "Hey there, blue guy!" he exclaimed happily.

"Hey, Knux!" said Sonic as he greeted Knuckles. Knuckles walked toward him and hugged him. "How's everything going?" he asked. Knuckles shrugged. "Everything's fine. It's great to have you back, Sonic. I missed having you around," he answered. Sonic laughed. "You say that like I was never gone in the first place." Knuckles chuckled and shook his head. "Don't remind me. That was hard to live without you, blue pal."Knuckles nudged shoulder affectionately.

"You know, I'm glad Eggman's in prison. He won't hurt anyone ever again," commented Knuckles.

"Yeah, I guess he'll never touch another piece of property ever again," agreed Sonic. He glanced back to look at the kitchen where the party was happening, "Say, Knux, where's Shadow?" asked Sonic.

"He went outside on the patio," Knuckles pointed with his thumb in the direction. "He didn't feel like dancing or joining them. Maybe he wants to be alone." Knuckles' voice sounded concerned.

"Well, I'll go talk to him and see if he's okay," Sonic said, as he headed out the door. He walked through the garden until he saw Shadow sitting on one of the benches. "Shadow?" he called out softly. Shadow looked up at him and frowned. "Hey, Sonic," he said monotonously. Sonic took a seat beside him.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked.

Shadow shrugged, "Nothing. I just... wanted some fresh air," he replied calmly, trying not to show any emotion.

"You okay?" asked Sonic.

"Of course, I am," said Shadow.

"You seem awfully quiet. I mean besides your usual cold attitude," said Sonic with concern.

Shadow shook his head, "It's not that. It's just... I'm not the type of person to enjoy parties and such. Parties are loud, and people tend to talk too much. I prefer to stay quiet and watch from afar," explained Shadow quietly, still looking ahead and away from Sonic.

'Man, he's pretty anti-social,' thought Sonic.

"Well, it wouldn't be very polite to stay out here all night anyway. If you don't feel like mingling with the partygoers, then why don't you join us inside instead? It looks like everybody else is enjoying themselves, so you can do the same," suggested Sonic.

Shadow shrugged again, "I suppose so."

They paused for a moment, both lost in thought. Shadow seemed slightly more relaxed, and Sonic was staring at the ground, kicking his legs slightly back and forth. Then Shadow broke the silence.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" he asked.

"Sure, what is it?" asked Sonic as he turned his attention to Shadow.

"Why are you being so kind to me? After everything I've done, I would have expected you to hate me and throw me in jail. But you haven't done anything of the sort," Shadow stated curiously.

"Maybe because I respect you. You may have tried to kill me before, but now you've changed. You've gotten rid of the villain persona you've always had. I think you're an amazing person, Shadow," said Sonic.

Shadow nodded, "Thank you. I appreciate your honesty." They fell silent after that. Neither spoke as Sonic kicked his feet back and forth a few more times. Soon Sonic broke the silence.

"Shadow?" he questioned.

"Hm?" responded Shadow.

"Um, you know I can't keep this a secret forever, right? And I need to know how you feel about me," stated Sonic.

"How do you feel about me?" asked Shadow. Sonic smiled. "I love having you around. It's nice being able to have someone who understands me," he said. Shadow raised an eyebrow at this, "Understands you? Like, what do you mean by that?" asked Shadow.

"Well, you're the only one I know who knows about my powers and all that stuff. I just feel comfortable when you're around me," said Sonic.

Shadow smirked and gave a small chuckle, "That is true. But then, you must have known that I'm an Ultimate Lifeform, too."

Sonic sighed, "Yes. But there's something different about you. Like, you're not just a criminal; you're a hero. A real hero. You saved me from Neo Metal Sonic, and you saved my friends. And you know what, you're a good person," said Sonic earnestly.

Shadow blushed slightly under Sonic's words. He hadn't expected such compliments from Sonic. "Thank you, Sonic. I appreciate your honesty," replied Shadow, still blushing.

Sonic giggled lightly at hearing the response and smiled widely, showing his canine teeth, and making Shadow blush even more.

"Sonic?" asked Shadow.

"Yeah, Shadz?" he responded.

He leaned forward and kissed Sonic's lips briefly. Sonic closed his eyes and held Shadow close to him. Their kiss started getting deeper and they soon became closer than ever. Shadow caressed his cheeks with his thumbs. Sonic grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. Eventually, they stopped kissing and gazed lovingly into each other's eyes. Sonic smiled and rested his forehead against Shadow's. He looked at Shadow, still holding him by the sides of his neck. The two boys embraced each other once again. Suddenly, the two-tailed fox came outside of the patio.

"Hey, Sonic, we're leaving the party soon. So, maybe we should go in and finish celebrating," he told Sonic. Sonic nodded and reluctantly let Shadow go. Sonic stood up and brushed himself off, grinning. "Come on, let's go inside," he said. He offered Shadow his hand helped him get back to his feet and went inside.

After the party, they started cleaning up his house and they started to leave. They waved goodbye to each other. "Bye, Sonic. See you soon," said Amy and she went outside the house with the others. Sonic waved as well.

Shadow was about to leave, but he had to tell Sonic something. "Oh, um, before I go, I have this brochure in my mailbox," he handed this brochure to Sonic, he opened it, and read the contents.

"Shangri-La Hotel?" Sonic repeated, "Isn't that a resort hotel or something?"

"It is," affirmed Shadow, "but I think it would be fun to stay at a place like that. What do you think?"

Shadow asked Sonic with a little smile.

Sonic looked into Shadow's eyes and smiled back, "Yeah, that sounds great!"

"Great, I'll hit up the front desk and arrange transportation," said Shadow excitedly.

"Thanks, Shadz. I'll rest up for a couple of days until my pain is gone," said Sonic.

Shadow nodded and kissed Sonic's cheek, "See you later, Sonic."

"Later, Shadz," smiled Sonic. He watched as Shadow left the house, he closed the door and went up to the bathroom. He took a shower, brushed his teeth, and went to bed to sleep it off.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #246

The physical therapy appointment that I missed yesterday was rescheduled to today. I saw the therapist that I am most familiar with - her name is D. But she had read the notes left behind by K, and now I guess she, too, theorizes that I've got some kind of weird torsion going on with my ribcage, likely brought on or exacerbated by trying to do mermaid training while having my chest tightly bound in my costume.

And… I know this is not something you have to worry about (since you do not have the body configuration for it), but… this sort of injury is why, I guess, people caution trans men to take proper steps to bind their chests instead of simply layering constricting clothing over their ribs. Improper chest binding, especially while doing vigorous physical activity, can seriously mess you up, holy shit. I'm not a trans man, but I'm sure that this advice also applies to mermaid folks like me who are just trying to prevent their chests from flopping all over the place while trying to swim.

See, the Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome doesn't just affect my joints. It also affects everything else, like my ligaments - including the ones that are supposed to keep my boobs relatively in place. Those ligaments do not do their job, because they literally cannot, because they are made with "I Can't Believe it's Not Collagen" instead of the normal stuff. It's a pain right in the ass. Or… I guess in my case… a pain right in the ribs. ...Sigh…

...We discovered that the set of ribs on the right side of my ribcage, at the level where I used to tie the bikini of my costume, are not expanding forward when I breathe like they're supposed to. So, I was given another breathing exercise today to try to fix that. Doing it gives me a sharp, horrible pain that extends from my right armpit all the way down to the right side of my lower ribs. But it's not a pain that feels like walking on a sprained ankle; it's more like... a kind of pain that indicates something needs to pop or go crunch so that it can move properly. I wonder if that makes sense to you.

After physical therapy, I was in a lot of pain. Like... not the kind of pain where something is moving that shouldn't (for example, we shouldn't be moving sprained ankles), but the kind where things that haven't been moving for a long time are finally moving, and they're not used to it anymore, and so they're gonna scream about it. So I decided to go to Eggcellent to get a bubble tea. This time, I got a houjicha latte with rose syrup, tea jelly, and cream cheese foam. The lovely husband-and-wife duo who run this shop are testing a new bubble tea add-on called "sago" - these are like tapioca pearls, but they're made from a kind of palm tree. They're a lot smaller than tapioca pearls, and they have a bouncier texture. They put them into my tea as a surprise, because they know that I wanna try all their new stuff! I have a picture!!! Here!!

Sephiroth... they were so perfect!!! I liked them a lot!!! I can't wait until they're incorporated into their regular menu!!! I WISH YOU COULD TRY THEM!!! Oh my goodness!!!

I woke up feeling pretty empty today, but... after today's encounter at Eggcellent, I feel a lot less empty. I've been a customer of theirs for a long time; they know me well enough to understand that my support for them is unwavering, and that I will react to all their new things with genuine, unbridled joy. They know this thing well enough that they understood that they could surprise me with this, and that it would make me really happy. I feel incredibly grateful.

Also, the wife's mother, who occasionally helps them run their shop, came out from the back today, wearing a rainbow-colored shirt, and it was absolutely delightful. And... oh! Sephiroth, when she came out and saw me, her whole face lit right up, and the smile she gave to me was so radiant, and...!!! I don't know how to articulate the beautiful feeling that blossomed within my chest as a result. But I will say, it took some effort to avoid breaking down into joyful tears. Admittedly, it's a little difficult to avoid breaking out into those same tears as I write this now, ahaha~! 🥰🥰🥰

I guess... for context, it's nice to know that she can feel happy about seeing me, despite the language gap that exists between us. It's nice that she seems to know what kind of person I am, and that I'm someone who will try to support the business of her daughter and son-in-law. Although she doesn't speak English, we have had brief, simple conversations, with the wife acting as an interpreter between us. I've even had a couple of instances where I was able to clumsily say to her some greeting in Cantonese; the greeting I like to use when talking to people I am familiar with while I'm out and about is, "It's good to see you." I don't remember how it goes in Cantonese, though...

I guess the closest equivalent I can get to for that phrase in Japanese that is an accurate reflection of my intentions is something like, "Anata no koto wo miruno wa kimochi ii." But that's probably clumsy, too; I haven't practiced Japanese with any kind of regularity in a very long time...

...Someday, though, as impossible as it is, I hope I get to stand in front of you and say that to you. Somehow. Somehow...

Oh!!! I almost forgot!! When I went back to the car to do the rest of the errands I had planned, I noticed a hedge peeking out of some lattice, and I thought it looked neat. I thought that maybe you might also think it looked neat, so I snapped a picture:

I went to the grocery store after that to get some small items; nothing to write home about. And then after that, I went to a nearby craft store to try to get a different clasp for a pendant I've started wearing. The pendant is reflective of something that I believe to be a fundamental truth, both of my circumstances and of reality in general; its weight feels profoundly correct as I wear it. Unfortunately, the lobster clasp digs into the back of my neck. I sought a barrel screw clasp to replace it with, but they didn't have one in stock in the correct color. They don't know when they will have it in the correct color, so I simply decided to order one online after I got home.

It's 9:44. That means it's 44 minutes past when I was supposed to go to bed, because tomorrow I have to wake up at 5am in order to bring J to Great Barrington. Whoops.

...I had better stop writing and get ready for sleep.

Hey. I love you, and I'm over here cheering for you to heal and to be happy. So please keep yourself safe out there, okay? Please keep trying. Please don't give up.

I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[izzy-b-hands]

Still can't sleep (and I actually want to, but it just. Isn't happening yet) so I'm mulling over edizzy thoughts/fic ideas, but one in particular is sticking hard rn, like-

I sort of want to do a kind of. I don't know the right word for it right this minute, but essentially it breaks down just how close they were/are and how intertwined they are like

In a modern au it would be someone making them do what my old therapist said she sometimes had couples do when they came to her for couples therapy. Not necessarily the first thing, but sometimes among the first things, to help crack the shell open. Have them sit and list all the little things they know abt each other, and the things they find silly to remember abt the other or the endearing things/quirks/habits (that maybe have turned to fond or less fond irritation versus endearment even.) Just write it down, and take a minute or two to reflect on the trust and vulnerability required to learn some of those things abt another person, and remember why you let yourself be that trusting and vulnerable, and ask yourself if you still want/feel that sort of connection or not. One answer isn't better than the other, and it's couple dependent on which answer is the better one for them as unique individuals in a relationship unique to them.

In canon time period I'm not totally sure how I'd intro it, so that might wind up more of a 'izzy talking to jim and they wind up discussing these things he knows abt ed, meanwhile stede is doing the same thing with ed, later jim goes to stede like "dude holy shit those two HAVE to talk" and stede's just "yeah they do but i don't know what arts and crafts project to sit them down with so that they might open up enough to go over stuff. Please tell me you have craft ideas" and we end up with some eventual edizzy discussion/also maybe shared art project bc i do like the idea of that mirroring the s1 flag project' thing?

I just. Have so many little ideas for the things ed and izzy know abt each other.

Roach bemoans (in a fondly frustrated for Izzy way, not a because of Izzy way) giving Izzy massages to help him heal post gunshot wound and to just. relax for five fucking minutes. Ed's sat there in the galley snacking, thinking abt how he knows exactly which knots in Izzy's back are worst to work out, but he also knows exactly how to do that. But to tell Roach what to do for that would be an incredibly intimate and vulnerable thing both for him and Izzy and it feels warm and like home but it aches at the same time. When did he last do that for Izzy? He can't remember. He wishes he did.

Stede is fussing over trying to put together better lunches for Ed when he goes fishing with Fang (bc Roach is already making lunch for everyone else by then and has asked Stede to help out by making sure Ed's separate more easily transportable lunch is taken care of) and just. mildly losing his mind bc he can't keep sending jars of marmalade and little else (even if Ed ultimately doesn't mind that too much.) Izzy sits in the overstuffed chair in Ed and Stede's quarters and bites his tongue bc he has an entire fucking multi-course meals menu for Ed that he's memorised without even trying to over the years. But he'd feel like an ass just busting that out; Stede should have the chance to learn these things abt Ed as their relationship progresses. That was part of what made it special for Izzy and Ed, after all. They know each other's safe foods and favourite over expensive treats that they used to only have when they could steal them, and he can't shut off the flow of memories even when Stede asks him why he's tearing up during a discussion abt food.

There's so much. So many little niches. They know which parts of each other's bodies have the worst pains and aches and creaks, some from old poorly healed injuries, others from age and overuse and the way sailing and their work can be so incredibly physical some days. They know just as well how to make the other come undone underneath their hands and fingertips. Be mindful of Ed's knee and back, Izzy should take it slower when his neck and back ache (and now his leg and torso too.) If you kiss directly at the base of the back of Ed's neck while fucking him from behind, leaned over him with him on his hands and knees on the bed, he'll almost always wind up coming untouched. Holding Izzy's hands up over his head while riding him and gently teasing him to let go will at least 8 times out of 10 result in him being instantly undone and an adorably blushy mess abt it.

He could tell you exactly the sort of blankets and quilts Ed prefers between the warmer and colder months, down to designs and the sort of materials used to fill and cover them.

He knows exactly how Izzy likes his clothing to fit, even if he can't ever fucking convince Izzy to buy much of anything new, and he has fucking tried!!

On that note, they can recite each other's current measurements, blood type, allergies, phobias, and more without having to think abt it. it's as easy as breathing or being asked something abt themselves.

Only towards the end of the fic, both modern au and canon time period, do either of them pause and go

"...oh. what happened to us?" with fearful and confused tears in their eyes because it wasn't always like this. Maybe it could be more like it used to be, again. Maybe they can't entirely undo what was done to them or to each other, but they can love and care and look out for each other.

And this time, sitting sobbing and vulnerable they can let themselves admit they never stopped, the love was so interwoven in it all too that they stopped noticing it. They let it become background noise versus a pronounced and acknowledged sound special to them both (and to those who have or might share them, like Jack and Stede.) And that on its own isn't necessarily bad, being comfortable with each other and letting the love sit as it will isn't bad. But everything else going on, their own past unaddressed traumas, and the outside stresses of their lives and trying to survive turned it into something unhealthy and hurtful.

it hurts horribly to lay it all out like that. Feels like being flayed open while alive.

But the next few days after sees them able to talk again, really talk, like they used to. They can be close again and occupy that very particular space in each other's lives, while letting each other have more (ed has stede and in my mind for this fic izzy has at least three or more crew members that have been taking it slow but are absolutely down bad for him)

It's not exactly what they had before. It never will be, it can't be. And they both come to terms with that.

But it's better than what things had become, and they have time and space now to keep working on it.

[that-one-gay-writer1227]

Update and PSA

Hello everyone, long time no see.

To start: the last time i wrote an update, I mentioned my step-father's health. He's been doing really well as of late. He had an issue brought on by an injury, but he's done physical therapy and it's improved his health significantly. That is all i feel comfortable sharing about his personal business- as it is not my place to say. I would just like to update everyone on that before I continue this post.

The next part I would like to add pertains to my hiatus. I've been taking a break for my mental health and for my family, as I've mentioned before. The latter has improved- but my mental health is about the same as before. I've come to the conclusion that perhaps it's best for me to try and get back into writing more so to cope with my personal issues instead of just the coping skills i've been using. To make a long story short; I will be posting again in around mid-july, and I will also be opening requests that same week. my targetted date is july 20th.

That being said, the reason I am writing this now, instead of sooner to that date, is also because I wish to write a PSA about relationships, since i hope this helps someone in some way:

Please, for the love of goodness- don't lead your partners on.

If you don't have feelings for them, please just tell them. It's going to hurt and suck for the both of you, but it's a hell of a lot easier than waiting for months and months after ghosting over and over again and making your partner doubt their worth in the relationship because of the distance (I promise you that if you've lost feelings- you can't hide that. Your partner will know something is up, just not specifically.)

Please just tell them.

My partner from a really long time recently contacted me and told me that they didn't feel romantically for me, and that they hadn't in months. This conversation happened after months of ghosting (we were long distance.), then coming back and telling me they missed me and loved me still and that they wanted to be with me, and then even more ghosting for almost 2 weeks, and then coming back, and then ghosting again in this same cycle.

Needless to say- I feel betrayed and hurt and played. me and them were the first relationship I'd had since I left my incredibly toxic ex. they were the ones who helped me heal, they were the ones who raised me up and told me I was worthy of being loved and that they would be there for me forever and always.

Finding out that they never felt the same, especially after all of this time has really made it difficult to cope. They meant a lot to me and i really wish they'd told me sooner. And to clarify- it's not the fact that they broke up with me that hurts the most (of course that still does hurt, breakups are almost never easy.), since breakups happen and sometime it is for the better, it's the fact that they'd felt this way for months on months before even telling me.

So please, from one human to another- if you've lost feelings, just tell them now before they fall in too deep. It's really painful to be told that the entire time was one sided romantically.

And to my friend @hitomisuzuya, I'd like to publicly thank, because she's been understanding through all my ramblings about everything really. She's a really good friend and without her, I'd be a hell of a lot sadder than I am half the time. So thank you for being a ray of sunshine, I don't tell you nearly enough just how much of an amazing friend you are.

with love, warmth and good wished,

lynx <3

[hdsouta]

↺ ... INTRODUCING : TRAINEE 093 ; ITO SOUTA .

𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐄 ▸ BORN ON MAY 11, 2003 IN NAGASAKI, JAPAN. SIGNED EXTENDED TRAINEE CONTRACT UNDER 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐂 ON AUGUST 2020. NOTABLE SKILLSET(S) INCLUDE DANCE / VISUAL.

penned by bon for hydra labels.

CHECK OUT HIS STATS, PLAYLIST, AND PINTEREST.

hi everyone! i go by bon! i'm 25, in the est, he/she/they, and a full time student with a full time job. still, i'm sure i can be around a lot if not enough ok... also feel free to follow me on pinterest and i will follow back haha also ignore how ugly and messy my whole account is because i have too many FUUUUcking muses. thanks! i will also eventually have a playlist on spotify so tune in for that ok.

anywho, i'm here to introduce my new bean, ito souta, who i made specifically for this rp on a whim because i really wanted to join it... i've been eyeing it for a few days, so i'm so glad i got in today! well, i'll go ahead and write some stuff about him below:

basic stats.

full name: ito souta.

nicknames: soda.

age: nineteen.

birthday: may 11th, 2000.

gender: male, he/him.

quick personality tl;dr. (very original, i know.)

positive traits: supportive, cheesy, loyal.

negative traits: ruthless, vulgar, pressuring.

likes: dancing, music in general (specifically pop punk and hip hop stuff), sports (specifically basketball), pvp video games, uhm idk yall this is hard CRIES

in general, i like to think that souta is very egotistical yet somehow also very charismatic and outgoing. he probably gets annoying when he gets too far up his own ass, but it's how he deals with the hard work he puts in to be an idol without results (or so he thinks). he finds himself losing a bit of hope every new day because he's been doing this shit for so long... and with an injury he got when he had just started training, which almost impacted his future career.

in some of his very first few weeks of being accepted into the company, he fell on his shoulder doing rec activities during some down time (or however it works lmao), which gave him an injury he had to basically force himself to work through. due to this, it's definitely not healed right, but it's good enough in order to keep him thriving in the company and working towards his debut. still, it hurts on and off, and he tries his own physical therapy for it, but you know, it be hard sometimes ya feel.

uhmmm... i think otherwise he's a hotshot. i like to think he's the one that's always searched up on pinterest or when people scroll the profiles of groups, they always stop to double take him. that's part of his ego ish, because he knows he's hot shit and people turn heads at his appearance. it sometimes gets in the way of his logical thinking, but you know, he's a kid... so what do you expect?

on another note that i wanted to mention... he used to want to be a basketball player, and if he didn't go into the idol industry, he would have 100%

i'm kind of just spewing stuff and i think i will either edit this or make a new like info post whenever i get some real solid shit for him!!!

otherwise, i will say a little bit about me. i am 25, in the est tmz, prefer he or they pronouns, and you can call me bon or bonbon. the loml is ateez, and i would d*e for them in a heartbeat. i also love block b, omega x, and a few other groups. i'm always open to talking about things even if they aren't rp related! if you'd like to add me on discord, just lmk <3 i can give you my tag!

i'm going to get some FOOD now because i'm hungry and then i will reply to people as well as fish around a bit more. i can't wait to write with everyone and please excuse me if i seem a little off or don't understand jlskdf it's been a hot minute since i've been on tumblr to rp as well as been in an idol group (it's been YEARS since this one).

[onlyshestandsthere]

Holy fucking shit. That chapter was amazing!!!

All the Jade guilt and inner turmoil was really well done. I know she made her decision to get Kit away no matter what, but the weight of her thoughts when it came to the alliance, all those involved, the possible repercussions, her own moral boundaries, baby gay Jade with Kelina and her family (my poor heart) and mostly her trying to suss out how to get Kit away, and the disgust, anger and the frustrated helplessness she felt in those moments about Kit's treatment, damn, all of that was intense.

And I got teary eyed when Jade caught on that Kit was ashamed. Knowing Jade was seeing her like that compounded the heartbreak I felt each time Kit was being tortured. I kept thinking of that fox you wrote about who preferred to gnaw off its own leg and die free rather than be trapped. Kit mumbling at the end though about Alavesh being mad was really sad and disturbing to see just how far gone she is.

ALSO, JADE CUT OFF ALAVESH'S ARM!! (I realise as I type this, it seems like I'm telling you breaking news when you obvs wrote it. Sorry, I just get excited lol). My heart was pounding throughout that entire ordeal. Full on semi hyperventilating and everything. And I gotta admit, that was morbidly satisfying. Not the hyperventilating, but the Alavesh's arm bit. Also not just the fact that it was a limb being hacked off but that Alavesh was knocked on her ass by Jade down a ravine and she no longer has that evil bracelet. HA!! YOU GOOO JADE!!! I do wish that Jade had finished off Alavesh somehow though, because that character freaks me tf out, she's already psychotic and now she's gonna be even more evil and rabid on the torture if she ever gets her hands on them. I'm actually scared for both of them if/when she ever finds them.

And I love Lavan so much! She is all sorts of precious and so smart. I was snickering when she sneakily took advantage of Jade's inattention to go back in line and then tried to find apples lol. It was kinda grounding to be reminded of something so sweet and wholesome with all the terrifying shit happening around them.

So they'll potentially have months travelling back together now huh, that sounds like months to unravel their issues and fall deeply in love. Once Jade stops bleeding and generally dying. Oh yeah, YOU MADE JADE GET STABBED!!! 😱 And I know Kit has been through hell but I'm really looking forward to seeing her take care of Jade too and to finally have the upper hand for once.

Is she gonna think about just ditching Jade though, even if it's just for a split second, considering what she's been through? Also, is there gonna be any sexy sparring later on? Like when they've recuperated and had all the therapy in the world, do we find out who pins who? As always, I totally understand if you can't confirm or deny, I'm just having a blast with this fic, thank you!!! 😄

Dang these are some very complimentary words. Thank you!

Yeah, Kit is super ashamed for 'giving in' sometimes even though she was wearing a literal magic torture collar and had zero other options. And having Jade (and the others, to a lesser extent) see it was a big blow, so a lot of going forward is about Kit sort of regaining her confidence and self worth, which will be hard because this is Kit 'Mental Health Who?' Tanthalos. A physical injury, she'd give herself some grace, but PTSD? She should just be able to get over that right away, right? Otherwise she's weak and pathetic. But having to take care of Jade will help a little.

And yay for Alavesh getting her arm cut off and shoved off a cliff!

And my god I'm so excited for Lavan’s journey in this fic she is such a good horse.

There will be sexy sparring, but I'll say no more. And Kit will absolutely think about ditching Jade. She needs to get away and helping Jade means stopping.

[coridallasmultipass]

Personal / vent / medical dental / long post

Shitstorm timeline:

2017-2018 - have a cavity and unable to contact any dentists while living in NYC (even though I was paying for dental insurance, no place would call me back). Every time I took a sip of hot tea, it was like instant pain regret on one part of my mouth.

2019 - I got back to Cali in Dec 2018 where I'm covered by insurance with my tribe (dentist works at my tribe), and it took months to be able to get into an endodontist (not in my tribe), and longer to get a second endodontist because the first guy was getting fed up with me not being able to tell HIM which tooth hurt more (I have chronic pain). He randomly picked a tooth and was like, 'We'll jusg do this one, then.' YEAH, NO. Got a root canal in summer with the second guy who was a lot more professional. The experience sucked for my jaw, but it was fine, and I like this second guy. The sensitivity stopped.

2022 - Pain in the same tooth returns with sensitivity to both hot and cold again. I go back to the good endodontist and he says everything still looks okay on the high tech scans. He notes that I used to be taking meds for fibromyalgia (they don't work, but that's another story) and suggests that the pain is because of the nerves around the outside the root-canal-ed tooth being sensitive. It makes sense to me, because honestly, all my teeth hurt. It was just weird to be sensitive to hot again (which is a notable sign of a bad root).

November 2024 - I wake up one morning feeling simultaneously like I got punched on the face and stung by a bee on my very back tooth (on the opposite side of the root canal tooth). It was swollen and hot and I was freaking out. Saw the dentist who scraped down an old uneven filling on the back, and gave me antibiotics (a whole Situation arose with needing to take those every 6 hours). He said it could also be due to the filling on that tooth being placed so deeply.

December 2024 - Had a follow up with the dentist, the infection situation got better, but I was still having sensitivity to cold, moreso than usual. He sends me back to the endodontist. I made the appointment, and assumed it was gonna be another consult visit, like what happened the first time - a consult to figure out which tooth and a separate appointment for the root canal.

Today (still Dec 2024) - I go in for my appointment and get the scans and talk to the doctor. And he's like, yeah, looks like the filling is probably causing the tooth root to go bad due to irritation or the infection. Then all of the sudden I'm getting numbed and they're doing the root canal right there. GUYS IF I KNEW THAT HAPPENING SAME DAY I WOULD'VE FUCKING TAKEN MEDS BEFOREHAND AND NOTIFIED THE TMJ DOCTOR I'M SEEING WHO'S DOING ORTHODONTICS FOR ME LIKE. FUCK, MAN. I DID NOT PLAN FOR A SURPRISE ROOT CANAL.

Before that shit, my mom who was with me when I called to schedule was like, "You know it's a 2 hour appointment, right?" And I was like, no the 2 hour one was the physical therapy appointment. She said no, both are 2 hours. My fucking dumb ass did not understand the situation. Lately, I'm tired and stressed and on edge the whole time due to my back injury. It's also very hard for me to understand people on the phone. I misunderstand people all the time, generally speaking.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE. Remember how I had to go back to the endodontist in 2022 due to that old root canal tooth still causing me pain? WELL NOW THAT ONE IS GONNA NEED TO BE DONE AGAIN. He saw on the scan it has a bad spot next to it! And explained how, on that tooth, I had a double root in one spot, and how sometimes when that happens, the roots connect together twice, farther into the tip of the tooth, which is something that can't be seen during the root canal proceedure. And how now, he's gonna need to go back in there from the side to open all that up to clean it, since it can't be reached vertically through the crown.

My fucking God, could my day get any worse. That's gonna be a nightmare situation.

The whole proceedure today was so fucking painful on my jaw. I already have trouble eating food due to jaw pain. In the room they were like, "Open your mouth for the bite block. Open. Open. Open your jaw." I'M FUCKING TRYING, MY JAW IS SLOWER THAN MOLASSES ON A COLD DAY. "Open your jaw to take the bite block. Open. Open. Open." I'M TRYING. Then after, "Bite down to test the fit. Close your mouth. Bite. Bite down on this." I FUCKING CAN'T MY JAW'S STIFF BRO I CAN'T CLOSE IT AHAHDBJSJSOSPSKWNSNS.

Fucking miserable, dude. I hate having bad teeth. I hate it so much. Especially because I've been taking such good care of my teeth since starting the orthodontics (clear plastic trays), since I have to floss and brush after everything I eat. I have completely lost my appetite since starting that, too, so it's like, I'm not even eating sweets anymore since eating anything feels like a chore since my jaw hurts and then I have to do dental care 2-4x a day. (More like just 2 now, since I'm only eating like 2 small meals a day now.) I'm constantly stressed from having a back injury go untreated since May (I still haven't seen a spine specialist - that's later this month). I had an extremely traumatic summer due to something happening with my living situation. And now I have to get more medical shit done. I know it's originally partially my fault for getting a cavity back there on the new spot, to need the filling in the first place, partially genetics for bad teeth, too. But I've been taking care of my teeth!! Why does this have to happen!! When I'm taking care of myself!! Same deal with my back! I was exercising all summer, EVERY DAY, with the injury to try and gain strength, but I reinjured it a third time in September and had to stop, ughhhh.

Stress is bad for your teeth and health, but there's nothing more I can fucking do about it. The bad health is stressing me out. The circle of stupidity is complete.

God, why did this have to happen today, I was so NOT mentally ready for a root canal proceedure to happen.

And!! Because I didn't know this was going to happen today, I just called my dentist to get a crown, and the soonest they can see me is a month from now. So now I'm gonna have a whole month with the temporary tooth filling, stressing about how in the fuck are they gonna make me a crown that FITS INTO MY ORTHODONTICS TRAYS!! THE TRAYS I'VE BEEN SUFFERING WITH SINCE MAY. I do NOT want to start over. My teeth have not stopped being in pain since before I started, my jaw has not improved at all either. Like. At least let me have straight teeth if jaw isn't gonna get better. I still can't close my teeth together because they stopped fitting a long time before I started orthodontics, and they still don't fit together. Like, I can still slide paper into my mouth with my teeth closed. If I can at least close my teeth, then I will happily live with my jaw pain, just let me stop doing orthodontics, it fucking hurts.

My jaw though, fuck, this proceedure hurt so badly. 2 hours of pain. And the doctor had me take Tylenol in the office, so I can't take the painkillers I have at home for my back since they're cut with Tylenol. (So now my back is hurting, too, since I haven't taken anything today!) It'll be too late by the time the Tylenol wears off, to where I can't mix painkillers and my sleeping meds, so I gotta wait for tomorrow! Fuck my stupid baka life, man. I'll try hitting the pen, but I'm trying not to use that since idk if I'm gonna need back surgery. Why does life have to happen all at once like this!! It's too many fuckin' medical problems to deal with all at the same time.