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havin-fun-imagining-twd · 2 years ago

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Scary as a sleepy kitten

When - 10 or so minutes after He hasn't been himself, which takes place during the Chupacabra episode of Season 2

What - the finishing touches on Daryl's medical care, how Andrea's handling almost mistakenly killing the guy. You assure her that he's about as scary as a sleepy kitten right then. Then, there's digesting big bro Shane's descent from morality along with Daryl's simultaneous growth in it. Bonus is a hint regarding the Greene's barn. So sad there aren't any barn cats in there anymore, wonder what happened...

Genre - a little angsty, a little fluffy, a little found-family.

Who - You, Mangy Hick (that's Daryl), Patricia, Andrea, Papa Dale and his not good book, and sweet little Beth (who's got the same headcanon from the Fabulously Confident Reader stories about liking choose-your-own-adventure books)

Perspective - 2nd person, and 3rd Daryl

Pronouns - did GN again this time

TWs - some language, otherwise you just have a brief blow-up. The day's been something else, y'all

Length? - 10-15 minutes

References - when Daryl made that funny in Like a traditional Sunday dinner, the incident with Ed as seen in "Deserved" Part 1 but mostly Part 2 and its cooldown in It's not the end of the wo - oh. There's the continuation of big brother Shane's descent, a slow progression in a bulk of the chapters. Be sure to check out Invisible Tugging Strings, Part 1 and Part 2 , then Spell your last name, please. as well as He hasn't been himself

Official Masterlist here (find fabulously confident reader there!) and the Chronological Slowpoke Masterlist here

have fun and happy reading!

Apologies for the lengthy delay, slowpokes, my brain has been on power-saver for about a month, might could be evident in the chapter, too XD

...........................................

“Guess I'll just move this arm like a robot—oh-ho, check it, I can still do the tomahawk chop, y’all!”

And yeah, then his friend proceeds to make barely one and a half chops before wincing. The slight pout that forms afterward makes him want to smile, it’s damn cute.

“Hurt more than I thought it would.”

The twangy blonde lady looks entertained. “Tell me why, Y/N.”

Their pout turns more embarrassed. “…Movin’ the forearm requires these here muscles.”

He liked that their accent revved up more with the blonde lady—sorry, her name’s Patricia, he knows, got it.

“Which affects what?” Patricia asks.

“My shoulder and chest.”

“Which are injured and got irritated something serious today, along with what I’m fairly sure is maybe your C6 and 7, maybe the T1, whenever you first got hurt.”

“Yes, ma’am,” they mumble.

Stop thinking Y/N looks cute. Also, what were those letter-number things?

Sighing, his friend stares at their upper arm.

So, during the, like, he doesn’t know, 5 minutes or whatever it was when the old man helped him slump to the bathroom so he could finally take a piss, Y/N’s upper arm was wrapped to their torso to prevent them from hurting it more. They keep overdoing it, and they keep taking their damn sling off, so Patricia made a compromise, he guesses.

And after doing a modeling-pose type thing with their wrapped arm and asking who was wearing their gauze better, them or him, Y/N immediately tried to do the tomahawk chop and move like a robot and why is he finding that so damn cute right now?.

Patricia winks at Y/N. “Name some of the muscles up there and I won’t put the rest in a sling."

You

“Ooh, bicep, tricep,” basics out of the way. “This, um, one of these over here is the brachialis, this is the deltoid, the teres major’s under here.” You got that muscle wrong on an anatomy midterm back during college and never forgot about it. “This here is the trapezius.” Because the dudes who do the trapeze at the circus got real big ones (or at least that’s how you remember it). “And, well, the clavicle is this bone, so the bone under it is the scapula, which means right about here’s the subscapularis muscle,” that she said you may have hurt, “Oh, duh, then ‘the major one is the pectoralis.’ And—”

“—Okay, no sling.”

Phew. “Thank you!”

“For now, anyway. Meanwhile, Hersh is givin’ me a look, let’s get to cleaning our friend, here.”

Him

The funny part is, as Patricia left, she made a face and said, “I don’t remember most of the muscle or bone names, I just took Y/N's word for it. Now, Daryl, don’t go gettin’ out of bed, stay put.”

Now he’s finally laying down, nothing else to be done to him. He’s so damn tired.

He’s scrubbed up, too. Got a big-ass bandage over his head, wrapped all around. That was a trip; Patricia and Y/N washed his head and neck over a bowl. He counted the seconds til it was over, half-listened to whatever they were chatting about to distract himself.

Once he was bound up like a cartoon character and given instruction to not get it wet, Hershel came back and walked him to the bathroom again, this time to clean everything else off.

There was a little stool thing in the shower, with the shower hose on the ground instead of hanging. “Don’t get your head or the bandage wet. There's a waterproof cover over the dressing on your side that you'll have to remove when you're finished. Now, I imagine you prefer total privacy, but if you need the help, I can assist, or I can get your friend Theodore, if your prefer.”

“M’fine.”

The simple response “I’ll be outside the door, Daryl,” surprised him. Made him feel stupid and ashamed and comforted all at the same time.

And he…he needed the damn help. Ain’t like the old guy hadn’t seen his back already, anyway.

Still, the old man mostly stayed behind the shower curtain at his request, and he didn’t see his junk or nothing, Daryl made sure to keep himself covered.

Part of him felt like some pathetic little cat getting a flea bath.

Today was something else.

So goddamned tired…

You

Not 15 minutes went by since he was escorted to the washroom and now he’s fast asleep under the sheets.

Lori and you stayed inside with Carl (and Daryl), and Carol and Rick brought in plates of food into the house for the four of you.

Carol cooked up some jerky with an egg for Daryl as a special treat with the rest of his meal. Menu for tonight is peanut butter sandwiches (sort of, they’re on saltines), hard-boiled eggs (not soft-boiled, you checked this time), with sauteed field greens.

Your poor friend must be ravenous, but it looks like tiredness won this round. He looks so different asleep. Sweet, even. It's silly, but his light snores almost sound like purring and now you're thinking about kittens.

Another moment in the quiet, and you figure you shouldn’t stand there like a weirdo anymore.

Well, his egg and the peanut butter sandwiches will keep until he wakes up, and the jerky and egg will taste great either way, but his portion of sauteed field greens won’t be nice cold. You’re only a little bummed when you slide your portion of little sandwiches onto his plate and take his portion of greens. He’s earned extra treats, he can have all the peanut butter he wants after what he found today.

You inhale deeply. Exhale slowly. Close your eyes and ask inwardly for help after offering more thanks that he came back alive, and found concrete proof of Sophia.

It’s nice to be in the quiet. It feels safer better to be away from Shane right now, too. You aren’t sure what you’re going to do about the sleeping situation other than tell your brother to set up his own tent.

You also take one of the cracker sandwiches, it’s been a rough day. But when you start to nibble on it…your appetite is gone. Which is so dumb, dude, you’d been stoked at the thought of chowing down when you were high on Daryl being okay and having found Sophia’s doll.

Daryl’s chest rises and falls. You listen to his light snores, and find it, as Amy would’ve said, “interesting,” (but understandable) that your stomach has a few butterflies at seeing him so peaceful and still.

You miss Amy. Which prompts you to consider that you should check on Andrea. Earlier, Dale had come in and asked a bunch of questions for her because she was too ashamed to see people. From wherever she is right now, Amy is probably hoping you’ll help comfort her big sister.

Patricia stops you before you exit the house through the side-door. “Been meanin' to ask, I heard you tell your brother to get out, earlier. Everythin’ okay?”

That question was unexpected, words aren’t working for you. You shake and nod at the same time, which is weird, so, you open your mouth to fix it, but nothing formulates.

After a second try, all you can stumble through is “I don’t know, ma’am,” before ungracefully scooting outside.

After 5 minutes of polite conversation on the steps, mainly between you and Dale regarding Daryl’s status, Andrea is still dumbfounded that she’d almost killed someone.

“He’s really okay?”

“He’s bandaged and resting now. You only winged him, but the falls he took earlier did the most damage, Andy.” You’re trying not to be angry with her, but failing. Which sucks, because you know she was trying to protect the group…

But that she still shot it even though it was against Mr. Greene’s wishes and she knew that indicates an unhealthy variety of pride. One can't be having that kind of attitude with a firearm, it ain't good. And Daryl was almost a casualty because of it.

And like, come on, there were five of you running toward her target, it was dangerous for her to attempt to shoot from that angle! Doesn’t she understand that’s irrespons—ugh, and isn’t Shane supposed to have been doing gun safety shit with her? Isn’t that his whole wannabe jarhead schtick—great, now you’re more upset about Shane!

“I’m glad you’re enjoying those, ” Dale tells you, nodding at your cracker and chuckling. “They’re the part of dinner I rushed to help make, this evening was…something.”

He shrugs, and you remember how Daryl grunted that today was ‘somethin’ else.’

“I suppose having spread the peanut butter on crackers was a small step up from offering it on spoons to everyone,” he muses.

You can’t help but hum, a spoonful of peanut butter sounds scrumptious right now. Makes a good breakfast or snack, too.

“Did Daryl eat enough?” Andrea worries. “Does he need anything?”

“He was asleep when I brought him his supper, but I left my portion of the crackers—minus this one—on his plate.”

“Come to think of it, I’m not sure he’s a fan of peanut butter,” Dale thinks out loud. “I offered him some for breakfast one morning, and now that I recall, he backed away from it.”

Not like peanut butter?

“—Oh my God, what if he’s he allergic?” Andrea breathes.

“Nah, he ate a peanut yesterday. I was havin’ one of the little packets for lunch and he tried one, he can’t be allergic,” you assure them. And surely he doesn’t not like peanuts. That would be so sad!

It gets quiet.

Andrea stares at her feet.

“I can’t believe almost killed him.” She inhales and buries her face in her hands. “I shot someone.”

And Dale is only meaning to ease her discomfort and add some levity—but whether it’s because of the new bond you have with Daryl, or maybe because here’s something of a flashback hitting you from how you’d had to actually shoot a living person a few months ago—when Dale jokes to you, “Like I told her, we’ve all wanted to shoot Daryl,” you become livid.

After two shallow breaths of your inner tea kettle screaming, this sentence: “Guess y’all will want sunshine over here to work on her aim, then,” seethes out as you stand and book it to the fields.

The past several days especially has shown you how wrong your initial conclusions about that man were. He’s a work-in-progress, make no mistake, but shit if he ain’t working on it!

Unlike your brother, who keeps getting worse, who just tried to flirt with Lori by saying he didn’t care about a missing, abused little girl—the same little girl Daryl was willing to almost die to find!

Horrified at Shane and about today; confused, embarrassed, overwhelmed, in pain, overtired, and therefore angry about everything, you walk, hyperventilate, and finally, quietly, start to cry.

Then you accidentally drop the peanut butter cracker and cry harder.

The light swish of your boots in the grass starts to crunch when you reach the sandy part by now-boarded-up well. You walk faster, neither wanting to be near the two-part walker inside nor in the area where apparently, Daryl dumped Merle’s ‘hard stuff,’ as he slurred to you earlier during his trauma assessment.

Soon you’re by the rocks you’d climbed the other night. You step up and sit on a lower one and sniffle another minute or so until the worst of it seems to have spilled out.

When will you get a better handle on your temper?

While you’re busy wallowing in self-pity, you notice Dale’s watch ticking and are reminded that you have to return it.

You stand.

Trudge back with your tail between your legs.

He and Andrea are still on the steps.

“I’m sorry. I let my anger get the better of me,” you tell them softly.

Dale waves you over. “Come back and sit if you like, kiddo. It’s been a long day.”

“It’s been somethin’,” you mumble. “And you aren’t a bad shot, Andrea, I was being snotty.” About an inch to your left and he’d have been a goner, you leave out.

“I’m glad I wasn’t as good a shot as I’d hoped,” she sounds ashamed to say. Her head is still hanging low when she makes a one-sided smile and taps the spot next to her. “Will you be helping with shooting practice tomorrow?”

“If that’s still on, yeah.” Shane was enlisting your help with that, which means you’ll have to act civil…ugh, why worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself. You take the watch off, hand it to Dale. “Here you go, Mr. H.”

“Ah, very good. I would hate to start losing track of the days, then we’d really be in for it. Let’s see…an hour until it’s time to wind her up.”

The breeze carries the smell of woodsmoke with it. You lean against Andrea for a moment, she leans back.

Then Shane comes into view.

When you catch his eye, you shake your head in warning in case he’s thinking about coming over and schmoozing with the others as if he didn’t just f—tomorrow will be better. Things will be better in the morning. He’ll apologize and things will be better and you’ll all have a good day and maybe Sophia will be found.

“Y/N, how about we talk later tonight?” Dale murmurs.

Did he see the face you made at Shane?

Best change the subject. “If we do, is it finally my turn to borrow that awful book I’ve heard so much about?”

“The Case of the Missing Man is not an awful book,” he chuckles back, then shrugs. “Maybe Jimmie Herron’s style isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. My Irma didn’t like his work, either.”

“Y/N, it’s really not great,” Andrea drones.

“Glenn said the same.”

“Amy had me read it so we could, um,” her gaze grows teary. She closes her eyes for a moment, then smiles and shakes her head. “‘Share the trauma.’”

You smile and shake your head, too. That sounds like Amy. “She finished it up in my tent while I was knocked out with a migraine, first thing out of her mouth to me when I woke up was how lame it was. Told me you had first dibs.”

“Then I lent it to T-Dog”

Oh, right. On the first half-week of the trek to Fort Benning, his nose was stuck in it. “He plowed on through it, didn’t he?”

“He wanted the torture to be over.”

You and she snort, Dale just chuckles again. “After you finish it, only Rick, and our young Carl—oh, and, uh your br—and Shane, they’ll be the only ones to not have done so.” He points his finger as if an idea just popped into his head. “But both Jacqui and Lori thought it was good.”

“Bless their hearts, they loved watching soaps, though, what does that tell us?” you giggle to them.

Dale lifts his hands in surrender. “See me later, troublemaker, I’ll lend you my ‘awful’ book and we can talk. I’m gonna hold you to it.” He looks at Andrea. “Young lady, will you be alright?”

“Yes. I'm just not ready to face anyone yet.”

“You know where to find me.”

She rests her arms on her knees and slouches again, stare fixed on nothing much. You go to rest your arms on your knees, too, and are immediately reminded that that particular position is a no-go for you right now.

“Y/N, after what happened with Ed, when did the feeling of wanting to hide go away?”

“Mine was an easier situation," you quietly point out. "And it wasn’t just me, Shane was the one who—" you grimace at the memory. "You were there.”

“Mm.”

To answer her question, “But I guess it wasn’t til, y’know, I faced people again that I got I didn’t have to hide. Shane's sense of 'duty' helped, too. But after I talked to Carol, saw Sophia smile at me, when I knew they were on my side, I didn’t mind so much about the rest.”

“Pretty sure everyone was on your side with that,” she mutters. “For what I just did…”

“Pretty sure even Daryl will, um, well th-that you were tryin’ to protect the group.” …oof.

She lifts her eyebrows. “You aren’t good at lying, Y/N.”

It wasn’t a lie, per se. “Objectively, you were tryin’ to protect the group.”

“I wanted to feel in-control and like I could do it.”

Oh.

She admitted that? If only your brain could come up with something heartfelt or whatever the situation called for to convey how much humility from someone so confident and self-assured means, instead of this: “I wanna be on your apocalypse survival team.”

A sigh leaves her, and she simply asks, “Just let me know how furious he is with me. I'm dreading how he’ll be when he’s up. I'm a little scared, while I’m being honest.”

“Hm?”

“Daryl.”

“You’re scared of him?”

She eyes you. “We’ve all seen how he can fly off his handle. He waved that knife at Rick and your brother, the axe at Jenner.”

Oh, right. That didn’t even consider cross your mind, that she’d be scared of his reaction to...being shot in the…head. Man, your brain is not working.

It can’t even configure a response again, now you’re just shaking your head like a confused mute.

“You don’t think I have to worry, Y/N?”

“No,” you answer truthfully. “You might would feel better if you saw him, he's probably up an eatin' dinner by now."

"I think now's too soon."

"Trust me, he’s holed up in bed now, he’s about as scary as a sleepy kitten.”

“Kittens have teeth and sharp claws,” she dryly states.

Your mind immediately hops to the exciting fact that you have yet to meet the Greene’s barn cat(s) as you stand and lead Andrea inside through the side door to get to Daryl’s room, waving to Beth reading her book as you pass.

“Beth, this is Andrea. Andrea this is Beth. She’s the one who made the pudding for Carl. She’s Mr. Greene’s youngest.”

Andrea smiles and goes in for a shake. Beth shyly waves, the returning of the handshake ending up as an awkward afterthought.

Sweet as she is, leaving her in peace is probably what she’s hoping for (the poor teenager’s home and front yard is full of wounded strangers).

And you almost make it through the full sentence before gasping in delight when you see what book she has.“We’re just checkin’ on Dar—is that a choose-your-own-adventure book??”

Him

There was this loud noise in another room, woke him for a second. Y/N’s laugh stuck out from the other sounds.

While falling back asleep, he remembered how he'd made them laugh really loud when he ripped that $20 bill that night at the CDC. How they’d belly-laughed so hard at his dumb, tipsy-ass joke had felt so damned unexpectedly good.

He’s back asleep before the amount of pain he’s in can really register.

You

“I’ll bring it over after I talk to Mr. Horvath. He’s the older man in our group, I love him to pieces, you probably saw him in his bucket hat?” you tell Beth.

Jimmy apparently has been poking fun at her reading choose-your-own-adventure books to pass the time because they’re ‘for kids,’ so, lending him The Case of the Missing Man was decided to be the best way to get back at him.

You hope y’all didn’t wake Daryl, it’d gotten a little animated for a minute. To make up for it, you tiptoe when you trek down the hall to his room, Andrea and Beth behind you.

Beth left something of hers in there before he was brought in, but she was hesitant to go in there (which you praised, teenage girls and unknown older men don’t mix). Anyway, she was hesitant because she’s a little, um, well, kinda intimidated by him.

Andrea invited her to join you two, citing “Y/N says he’s as scary as a sleepy kitten right now.”

At his door, you knock lightly and call his name. Wait for an answer, try again.

Upon listening more carefully, his snores sound through the door and let you know he’s still asleep. Slowly, slowly, you open it.

As subtly as you can, you step into room and pull the sheet that had fallen down back over his shoulder before the girls see the scarring.

Daryl stirs, then grunts something incoherent as he flinches, blinks, and tries to turn toward you.

“It’s just me,” you hush. “I was fixin’ your sheet, it’d fallen.” You tuck the sheet down over his shoulder, gently and slowly. “You’re safe in the Greene’s house. Go back to sleep, sweetheart.”

His muscles relax and he’s back to snoring before the pet name is finished slipping out of your mouth.

Still standing beside him, you watch his side rise and fall, rise and fall. Reminds you how grateful you are. He really does look so helpless and sweet right now.

You notice Beth peeking back and forth between you and him, but she quickly looks away.

Poor buddy. If the man is this tired, he’ll rest better with closed curtains. He’s big on privacy, besides. Carefully, you start to draw them shut. Andrea joins.

Once they’re all pulled closed and the room is dimmer, she puts her hand on your arm and gently pulls you back into the hall, Beth leading the way. You make sure the door doesn’t make too much noise as it shuts.

“Thanks,” Beth whispers.

“Scary as a sleepy kitten, right?” Oh, that reminds you, “Y’all don’t have a barn cat or two, do you?”

“N-not anymore.”

Aw, that’s sad. “I’m sorry, little one.”

“Oh, um—d-don’t get too close to the big, shuttered barn, okay?” she rushes to add.

Before you can both nod and tell her ‘of course,’ she then stumbles through, “There’s—it’s—the, um—it’s just not real safe!”

She looks so freaked out and nervous that you forget you’re supposed to respond.

Lucky for you, Andrea, smooth as ever, assures her “We’ll let Carl know not play around there,” and starts to chat about how she “steers clear of old barns” ever since she spotted “the biggest rat I’ve ever seen come out of one at a company retreat,” while Patricia comes downstairs hugging to her side what looks like a wedding photo.

Beth scurries away, you make eye contact with Andrea, then Patricia gets your attention.

“Sweet pea, about tonight,” she begins, hands pressed together with her fingertips toward you. “Daryl’s gonna need to be checked on—”

“—Of course. I’ll stay with him. Please do me a list of what to check for and how often?”

“Will do. Try and borrow that big watch again, you’ll need it. Prolly will do well to have somebody else, maybe Carol to help. I'll go find her. You know, there’s an old air mattress in the attic, I’ll have Jimmy fill it up. Just go grab your sleeping bag,” she tells you.

“Thank you!” You’d been hoping for a way to avoid Shane all night. Is this a gift from above or something?

A reminder of, “Don’t use your injured side to carry your sleeping bag in,” from Patricia sends you on your way outdoors to retrieve your stuff.

The air is cooling off as the sun sets. The sky is a hazy orange-pink.

“Y/N, I didn’t realize,” Andrea says, slowly walking beside you.

“Realize what?”

“You two.”

You, too? Is she talking about your shoulder, maybe? “What’d I do? Do you mean my wrapped arm?”

She peers at you, head tilted to the side. “You and Daryl,” she softly clarifies. “It was Dale who wondered first, after you had to excuse yourself.”

Me and Daryl? “What’d we do?” Perhaps she's referring to the search today? Andrea isn’t one to not speak her mind plainly, you wonder why she’s not being more succinct. She doesn't know about you having shot that guy. Dale has an idea, but he's tight-lipped about it.

“So, you and he…?” she trails off.

So, you start to fill her in about the search. “Before Daryl found the doll, we’d—”

—OH WAIT, now you get it!

---------------------------

(for those wondering, the tomahawk chop is something Georgia Braves fans do)

> Masterlist link here

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(inbox is open if you would like on or off the taglist, slowpokes. Please don’t feel bad or nervous if you don’t want to be tagged anymore, just let me know, we’re all friends here and your comfort level is important!)

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kolbisneat · 2 years ago

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MONTHLY MEDIA: May 2023

If you notice I haven’t read as much this month, it’s because I got the new Zelda game. But between my vanquishing of evil I still managed to fit in some other media! Here’s how I spent the month of May.

……….FILM……….

BlackBerry (2023) Having grown up in Waterloo Region I didn’t have any interest in seeing a retelling of the story I mostly knew but this was really great! Surprisingly funny and frenetic and a truly unhinged (in the best way) performance from Glenn Howerton. Good stuff.

John Mulaney: Baby J (2023) I naively thought “I wonder how much this’ll touch on the drug stuff?”... turns out it’s all about the drug stuff. Cool that he was talking about it so openly, and made it so funny, but I wonder if there was more material that got cut? He briefly mentions a trip with his son and I would’ve loved to hear more about that. Anyway as a comedy special it’s really great.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023) You know I haven’t been interested in the last few Marvel movies but this one felt like it was going to be different..and it was! So many moving parts but I never had trouble keeping track of character motivations or story beats and the whole thing was really beautiful. I mean even the really gross stuff was fun to watch. Keen to go back and watch this as a trilogy down the road.

The Suicide Squad (2021) I was excited to see Guardians of the Galaxy so at the start of the month I rewatched this. Still impressed at how this can be equal parts a gross out dick joke movie and also built on a foundation of community and family. Builds well, nothing feels repetitive, and the finale doesn’t overstay its welcome. Really great stuff.

……….TELEVISION……….

The Bear (Episode 1.01 to 1.03) Never have I felt so stressed watching television. Really captivating episodes and I’m very excited to watch more.

Ted Lasso (Episode 3.08 to 3.10) Maybe it’s the time away from season 1 and 2, or maybe something happened behind the scenes, but season 3 feels different. Some eps really hit, and even some moments within those other episodes, but it all feels rather unfocused. Maybe it’ll stick the landing but my confidence has been shaken.

The Most Hated Man on the Internet (Episode 1.01 to 1.03) Perfectly paced. Just enough detail to get invested but after 3 eps it felt like I experienced the full journey. Really interested to see the public’s perception of revenge porn shift over time and I can only assume this website (and its founder) played a part in that.

……….YOUTUBE……….

Down the Off-Grid Rabbit Hole... by Maggie Mae Fish Love simultaneously learning about a corner of the internet and also how it’s exploiting others. Just wild. VIDEO

Why so many people need glasses now by Vox Turns out kids need to spend more time outside for legit biological reasons? Who knew. VIDEO

How Nintendo Solved Zelda's Open World Problem by Game Maker’s Toolkit Hey maybe you’ve been playing the new Zelda and if you have, you’ll find this interesting. I sure did. VIDEO

……….READING……….

The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt (Page 165 of 500) The first time I read this, it really helped me understand the perspective some folks take on divisive topics. There was a sort of comfort to finally seeing what they’re seeing. In rereading this, I find myself getting angered while reading. The book is over 10 years old and while still relevant, it often feels quaint when talking about the widening gap between political parties. Its neutrality feels almost naive to me? Maybe I’ve forgotten a key chapter that helps.

The Fade Out by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips (It doesn’t have page numbers...maybe 1/3 of the way through) Murder in old hollywood is just so cool. I’m really digging this so far and the art, characters, and pacing feel thoroughly natural. Every reveal is just so casual cause to these characters, it’s just their lives, and I love that. Big fan so far.

Ultimate Spider-Man Volume 8 by by Brian Michael Bendis, Mark Bagley, and more (Complete) I always liked the smaller stories in this volume that focused on Peter’s personal life...like break-ups and dating other superheroes and stuff. But for some reason the Jean DeWolff/Kingpin/Moon Knight stuff always just felt kinda rushed? I dunno maybe I like everything to be a little more fantastical or suuuuuuper mundane. None of this in-between shenanigans. Give me highschool or give me death.

……….GAMING……….

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (Nintendo) So good. I walked past a house that was redoing their driveway and had a bunch of construction stuff covered in a tarp and I immediately thought “hmm I wonder what I could build” and that...is the sign that I’ve played this game too much. Big fan 10/10 change nothing.

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Mof1 Crew did some downtime planning ahead of a heist/attack combo that worked out pretty well! We played out events in weeks instead of in real time (for both the players and their enemies) and it worked pretty well!

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The group is still navigating a rival adventuring party on the island and seeing what happens now that they’ve let their star-collecting duties slip. Big trouble. You can read about it here.

Anyway that’s it. See you in June!

#Monthly Media #kolbisneat #andrew kolb

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cyber-flight · 5 years ago

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Notes from the AHWM Explanation Livestream

This will be long, so fair warning! If you're on computer, you can press the spacebar to skip this post if you want!

There was CG smoke for the bomb

The last shot was running after the bomb goes off, filmed during the day

Many cursed images

(0:56 - Guns Blazing) November 5th = gunpowder treason & plot (a reference)

Ethan is the one yelling during the run

Helicopter/Car was filmed in a place formerly known as Spiderwoods (spiders, snakes, and bugs everywhere)

Mark's patented method to get rid of snakes is to tell them to fuck off

There was big black snake near the library

Chica snore-grumbles

Most of the choices were pretty evenly split in the video data

The guy who owned the field in Helicopter/Car also owned the helicopter

It was hard to get the cameraman to know that the camera is an interacting character

They filmed up to 10 pages a day

Prison was the first 2 days of shooting, as well as the part with the most characters/extras (12 people)

Mick gets typecasted in roles of authority

The Prison location is a functioning mental hospital

John was a Prisoner, first mate, and is a realtor IRL

There is no "why" to recording this to keep a broad audience and have fun after Mark was in a depression and made WKM

The Gregory Brothers / Schmoyoho made 2 renditions of I Don't Wanna Be Free (which is on Apple/iTunes/Spotify)

The musical was a production/recording nightmare on the 2nd day

They had 20 minutes max. to learn each segment; they had a choreographer helping them learn the dances

The original vocals didn't have the accent

Mark had to do the vocals, acting, blocking, etc. in 30 mins

Mick was supposed to cross frame during the top-hats-part, but they had already recorded it; the producers weren't comfortable telling Mark "no" yet, so they had Amy do it

The smashed bricks were styrofoam; Mark was typed to a rope that was pulled

The director of photography was Phillip J Roy; he took a pay cut to work on this project

Yancy's sleeve tattoo is the whole map again

Yancy's tattoos are Tiny Box Tim and Mark/Dark across his knuckles; those were Makeup's ideas

The Musical was only 1/4 of a recording day

There was 3 work weeks of shooting (15 days)

Day By Dave made a remix

Yancy was named "Prison Mark" until the fight scene started to be made in post-production, where he needed a name; Mark liked Yancy and Amy was very against it originally

Yancy killed both of his parents; Mark knew people were gonna fall in love with him anyway

"Yancy stans, go, march on"

Yancy has an emoji bandaid

Heapass (canonically) makes an appearance in Thanks and also Yes Please; he had "Heapass" on a cast, but it was on the wrong side from the camera

Holt Boggs (the cell guard) is an amazing man; he was overqualified ("soft hands")

The cell was in a green-screen soundstage, so there was more improve

Yancy was supposed to be hidden in the ceiling or beside the bed, but under the bed turned out better; he's hidden under the bed the whole scene

The Red Gemini was the camera that they used for this project

Mark just runs off frame in Thanks and also Yes Please

The audio-only part was very convenient for filming and fitting for a 1st-person perspective

Yancy's talk at the gate was Mark real-acting & the late shot of the 1st day of filming, which made all of them realize that the project could actually work

Yancy WANTS to be in prison; he knows all the ways out - he'd leave if he wanted to

The items in the box are more representational achievements

Mark needs our help to promote AHWM, through liking the video(s), commenting good things, and spreading the project; the performance of this dictates the ability to make another similar project

Mark worked for FREE for 5 months, taking no cut of the budget for himself

"Yancy is just Prison Mark with amnesia" "There could be a time-skip there; it could work"

Robert Rex, "a god walking amongst mere morals;" has always wearing the same thing; Mark didn't know that he was going to do different accents

Amy is the hand with the feather-duster

The Warden's desk moves into the hallway after a smash-cut

Mick's line had to be rewritten so it can be ambiguous; you can only tell if you were looking

The Warden embodies "big strong hands," something Mark writes into dialogue a lot (along with "trust you me"); everytime he touches something it cracks (his desk, Yancy's shoulder)

Pulling stuff from behind Mark's back was on-the-spot

The dirt joke was a prop-person and Mark throwing buckets

Mark helped Holt Boggs make a short video

HOLT BOGGS

The truck in Prison was a one-take-wonder; they actually bashed the truck through the wall in a such a cartoony, perfect way

The Bob/Wade skit was a reference to Prop Hunt

Mark comparing the disappointment of people not liking the video to a cup of dirt under the Christmas tree

The lid to the sewer says "a heist with markiplier"

The sewer was in an actual sewer treatment plant, which took about a week of filming; some parts were flooded so they couldn't film there; this place was scheduled to be torn down

Mark forces us to choose the Light Tunnel first

Cranbersher, GrittySugar, and Lixian collaborated for the Light Tunnel; it was originally going to be live action with a green-screen and a pre-made raft; Cranberser offered when he had a 3-month break from other projects

Amy notes that Mark did a lot of "falling"

Mark had to carry a 200 pound man and a heavy camera rig to carry Y/N

There was poison ivy, snakes, spiders, etc. on the island

The Game Grumps voiced the aliens; Erin originally was meant to play the Warden & Danny was meant to play one of the guards

Many roles fluctuated due to scheduling

Getting abducted is a reference to ADWM ("not again!")

Mark loves MatPat's scenes and acting (Build a Shelter)

There were so many mosquitos near the Cave and the actors couldn't put on bug spray because they had to preserve their makeups

There was a giant hole in the Cave from which grasshoppers rained down

They were a mile into the cave; they weren't able to staff them for 3 days, so they recorded for 2 days and had fo cut some shots

The Cave freeze-frame was unscripted; the camera director didn't tell cut and it was too funny

The Hermit was originally supposed to be Jacksepticeye but scheduling errors were in the way

Mick was originally supposed to be Crazy Ed

When the sound-guy didnt have a sound effect, one of them riffed something at the mic and it was modulated to fit as best as possible

Mark's camera loses signal/battery power

Mark has done the hot-wire-while-moving in Car before (van videos)

The blue flash during Car is you from the future/another timeline

Mark was actually driving the car; someone flashed the blue light so it was a bit dangerous

Tyler and Ethan make appearances as Zombies

Tyler actually let Mark hit him with a rock

There was a dead beaver in the shed during the Zombie Apocalypse

The Zombie Apocalypse shots were in VERY hot weather

The barricaded front door but very open back door was intentional humour

Ethan's zombie handshake was thought up on the spot

Moe was the man screaming from the fire and zombie attack, making everyone behind the camera laugh

Rosanna Pansino sings opera & speaks Chinese

The Scientist had to be broken up (the cuts are in the gunshots)

243 is a chemical identification symbol in an actual laboratory, nothing meaningful to the plot

The code leads to the AHWM website

What's truly inside the box is the real timeline, which is the team making the project

The room where the monitor was in (Amy, script manager, etc.) was locked out and no one could see what was going on, only hear it through headsets

Mark threw 2 dummies (main video, Absolutely Not!)

Chica likes to climb through the cords underneath Mark's desk

The true/canon ending is For The Greater Good, which leads to ADWM

SodaPopIn hasn't really done this before, but he went with it because he was told Mark was nice; he continued even during harsh weather, many planes, and a long take/monologue

The sandwiches are a callback to ADWM

The montage endings were inspired by the ones Amy made for ADWM

There was never any time set aside to get photos for the montages, so they had to continuously get pictures

Catherine makes an appearance in the Warfstache bit

Warfstache is just a meta joke > you respond by writing in the comments as a survey, producer Catherine is more powerful than the video-editing, ringing the bell for notifications

They rented the same place for the Warfstache bit that they used to film all the other previous Warfstache bits

Dark inserts himself wherever he feels like being

There is charity (#TeamTrees) merch for each of the egos/Mark characters in this project (including the new ones)

Edge of Sleep's last episode aired yesterday (as of the stream - 6/11/19)

A "reverse" charity livestream is happening soon

The next project(s) are already in the works

SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT HEIST

Amy originally wasn't going to work on this project until they went to Texas; she became Creative Producer once Mark put himself into too many places

Iba originally auditioned for the man in the burning truck, but his voice was so good he became the seer/guide

The project has been "cooking" since May

The next project would be a completely different project, not a continuation

SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT HEIST

Regular uploads start again tomorrow (7/11/19)

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zerochanges · 4 years ago

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2020 Favorite Video Games

I don’t know if I am an outlier or if this is the same for everyone else but I really did not play a lot of games this year. 2020 was a very harsh year for all of us, especially for me for some personal reasons. So to get to the chase, I am just gonna say it left me not doing much in what little free time I did have, and I didn’t play much either. Usually I try to keep my lists for ‘favorite of the year’ to only titles released that year but since I played so little this year, screw it. I am gonna include any game I played this year regardless of release date.

Collection of SaGa

By far a flawed rerelease. It’s bare bones: there are no advance features you would usually expect out of these kinds of emulated rereleases like save states, fast forward, or rewind, and there was no real effort made to touch up almost 30 year old localizations that had to meet Nintendo of America’s then harsh standards. This really is just 3 roms slapped into a nice looking interface with an option to increase the game speed (which by the way you better use, the characters walk very slow in these old games).

I am bit harsh here, but only because I thought the Romancing SaGa remasters and the upcoming SaGa Frontier remaster all looked like they got a great budget and a lot of love while this is just another Collection of Mana situation (moreso specifically talking about Seiken Densetsu 1/Final Fantasy Adventure/Adventures of Mana part of that collection). I would have loved to see Square Enix do a bit more for these older games. Or at least include the remakes. Seiken Densetsu 1 had two great remakes, both unused in Collection of Mana, and all three of these original SaGa titles have remakes that have never seen the light of day outside of Japan. How great would it have been to get the Wonderswan remake of SaGa 1, as well as the Nintendo DS remakes of Saga 2 and SaGa 3?

But my gripes aside, these games are still fun as they ever were. Replaying SaGa 1 specifically during the holiday season really helped calm me down and made me feel at ease. It’s easy to forget but even in their Gameboy roots there are a lot of funky and weird experimental choices being made in these games. They aren’t your run-of-the-mil dragon quest (or considering the gameboy, maybe pokemon would be more apt) clones.

Raging Loop

Perhaps my favorite game of the year, Raging Loop is one of the best visual novels I have ever played hands down. The level of creativity and splitting story paths that went into it is simply mind blowing. The basic premise is both a wonderful throwback to the old days of Chunsoft sound novels while still modern and somewhat reminiscent of both Higurashi and Danganronpa. Essentially you play as Haruaki, a poor slub that got lost in the mountains with no clue where to go until you stumble upon an old rural village with a strange history and even stranger superstitions. Before you know it there has been a murder and the Feast is now afoot.

The less said about Raging Loop the better, although I do want to say a lot about it one day if I ever can write a proper review of it. This is a gripping game that will take hold of you once you get into it though and never let go. I actually 100%-ed this and I very rarely do that. I got every ending, every bonus hidden ending, played the entire game twice to hear all the hidden details it purposely hides on your first play through, played all the bonus epilogue chapters, unlocked all the hidden voice actor interviews, collected all the art work, etc, etc. I was just obsessed with this game, it’s that damn good! And the main character is maybe the best troll in all of video games, god bless Haruaki.

Root Double

From Takumi Nakazawa, long time contributor to Kotaro Uchikoshi’s work comes a game any fan of Zero Escape or Uchikoshi in general will probably enjoy. Root Double, like its name suggests is a visual novel with two different routes, hence Root Double. The first route stars Watase Kasasagi, the leader of an elite rescue team in the midst of their greatest crisis yet that could lead to nuclear devastation as they try to evacuate a nuclear research facility that has gone awry.

The other route stars Natsuhiko Tenkawa, an everyday high schooler whose peaceful life is thrown into turmoil when he stumbles upon a terrorist plot to destroy the nuclear facility in the city and his attempts to stop them. Together the two separate plots weave into one and creates a really crazy ride. Part Chernobyl, part science fiction, any fan of the genre will easily enjoy it. And hey it’s kind of relevant to include on this list too since it just got a Switch port this year (I played it on steam though).

Snack World

I was shocked upon starting Snack World as it is instantly incredibly charming, witty, and downright hilarious at times yet I heard almost zero people talk about it. EVER. This game is Dragon Quest levels of quirky though, and the localization is incredible. The game has such an oddball sense of humor that works really well with its presentation right down to the anime opening video that sings about the most bizarre things. Instead of the usual pump up song about the cool adventure ahead we get stuff like wanting to go out to a restaurant and eat pork chops.

The self aware/fourth wall breaking humor is just enough to be really funny, but doesn't overstay its welcome and always makes it work right in the context of the dialogue. And finally, just everything; with the menus, the name of side quests and missions, and the character dialogue -- are all just so witty and full of quirky humor. This is one hell of a charming and funny game and addictive to boot.

Trials of Mana

Trials of Mana has gone from one of those legendary unlocalized games, to one of the first major breakthroughs in fan translation, to finally getting an official English release complete with a fully 3D remake. In a lot of ways from a western perspective this game has had an incredible journey. As for this remake itself, I really found myself having tons of fun with it. I loved the graphics, and the voice acting while a bit on the cheaper side almost kind of adds to the charm since both the graphics and acting really give it an old PS2 vibe. I know that is probably just more me being weird but yeah, I had to say it.

I really hope Square Enix sticks to this style of remake more often, instead of just doing Final Fantasy VII Remakes that break the bank and involve extensive tweaking to both plot and game play. I’ll take smaller budget projects that play more like the original game any day personally. I wouldn’t mind if they also deliver a brand new Mana game all together in this engine either.

Utawarerumono Trilogy

This year saw the release of the first entry in the series, Utawarerumono: Prelude to the Fallen--and thus finally after three years since the sequels Utawarerumono: Mask of Deception and Utawarerumono: Mask of Truth came out in 2017 the trilogy is now complete in English. I ended up binging through Prelude to the Fallen very fast shortly after it came out and immediately jumped on to the sequels. Perhaps the best part of 2020 was that I finally played all three of these fantastic games, and did so back-to-back-to-back. Playing the first Utawarerumono was an experience I will never forget, it was like visiting old friends again that I haven’t seen in ages, by and large thanks to the fact that I saw the anime adaption of the game when I was much younger, nearly a decade ago. Back then I would have never of dreamed that I would get to play the actual game and get the real experience.

And it only got better from here, as all three games are such wonderful experiences from start to finish. The stories are all so deep, and by the time you get to the third entry, Mask of Truth, it’s crazy to see how they all connected over so many years and weaved together into a plot much bigger than they ever were. What carries it beyond all that though has to be the fun and addicting strategy role playing game aspect, which while a bit on the easy side, is still so much fun and helps make the game feel better paced since you get to play the conquests your characters go on and not just read about all the battles they fight. Beyond that the games are packed full of awesome characters, and I know I’ll never forget the amazing leads in all of them. Hakuowlo, Haku, and Oshtor will all go down as some of the greats to me.

Ys: Memories of Celceta

Ys: Memories of Celceta is a full 3D remake of Ys IV, a rather infamous game in Falcom’s Ys series. Not to get bogged down too much into the history of Falcom but by this point they were facing a lot of hardship and had to outsource this entry to other developers, and thus passed it on to two particular developers they had a business relationship with, creating two unique versions of Ys IV. Tonkin House who had worked on Super Famicom port of Ys III with Falcom ended up creating their own YS IV entry, Mask of the Sun for the very same system, where Hudson soft who had produced the much beloved Ys Books I & II remakes for the Turbografix (PC Engine) CD add-on created their own Ys IV entry Dawn of Ys for that console. Both games followed guidelines and ideas outlined from Falcom themselves but both radically diverged from each other and turned into completely different games.

Falcom finally putting an end to this debate on which version of Ys IV you should play have gone and created their own definitive Ys IV in 2012 for the Playstation Vita. I played the 2020 remastered version of this remake on my PS4. I even bought this on the Vita when it first came out but I am horrible and only horde games, never play them. So it was a lot of fun to finally play this.

Memories of Celceta is probably one of the best starting points for anyone looking to get into Ys, especially if you only want to stay with the 3D titles as out of all the 3D entries this explains the most about the world and series protagonist Adol Christian. Beyond that it’s just another fantastic entry in a wonderful series that has a few good twists hidden behind it, especially for long time fans of the series.

Random Video Game Console Stuff

Xbox Has Blue Dragon: I actually got an Xbox One this year for free from my brother. Because of that I started to play Blue Dragon again and there’s a lot I would love to say about this game. I don’t know if I am fully committed to replaying it all the way through however but I find myself putting in a couple hours every few days and enjoying myself again. Does anyone else remember Blue Dragon? I feel like it really missed its audience and had it come out nowadays and probably for the Switch it would have really resonated with the Dragon Quest fandom a lot more instead of being thrown out to die on Xbox and constantly compared to Final Fantasy VII and the like which it had nothing at all similar with.

The Turbografx 16 Mini: This was probably one of the best mini consoles that have come out and I feel like thanks to the whole 2020 pandemic thing it was largely forgotten about. That’s a shame, it has a wonderful variety of great games, especially if you count the Japanese ones (god I wish I could play the Japanese version of Snatcher included), and a wonderful interface with fantastic music. One of these days I would really like to be able to play around with the console more seriously than I have already.

Fire Emblem Shadow Dragon Never Existed: So Nintendo localized the first ever Fire Emblem game on Nintendo Switch which is awesome to see them touching Famicom games again--I haven’t seen Nintendo of America rerelease old Famicom titles since Mysterious Murasame Castle on the 3DS, but their trailer hilariously made it seem like this is the first time ever they released Fire Emblem when in fact they had already localized the remake Shadow Dragon on the Nintendo DS nearly 10 or 11 years ago. I and many other fans I talked to all found this really hilarious, probably solely because of how much they kept repeating the fact that this is the first time you will ever be able to experience Marth’s story.

All that aside though I have to say the collector edition for this newly localized Famicom game is probably the most gorgeous retro reproduction I have seen in a long time, and I really spent many many hours just staring at the all clear glass mock cartridge. I have found myself really obsessing over retro reproductions during 2020, and obtained quite a few this year. I really hope this trend continues to go on in 2021 as recreating classic console packaging and cartridges is a lot of fun.

#video games #collection of saga final fantasy legend #SaGa #SaGa I #SaGa II #SaGa III #Raging Loop #Root Double #Snack World #Trials of Mana #Seiken Densetsu 3 #Utawarerumono #Ys #Ys IV #ys memories of celceta

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fordanoia · 4 years ago

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Tagged by @endae - helping me infuse some Self Positivity with this one, thank you bro

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 8 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work!

8 Is A Lot. In total, I posted 16 fics in 2020 if you count each chapter by itself, and uhhh a lot less if you don’t. Considering 2020 though, I mean I’m not gonna be hard on myself with this.

Still not doing 8 here though.

1. I Think I Saw You - This was... definitely my fic of the year. Inspired by a tiktok/song, this just flew off. I’m really proud of this one too because I committed it to being solely from Stan’s perspective which helped give the spooky/mysterious immersion.

I’m gonna make a whole post about like... the big heart of this fic later, but I think ghost stories have some strong emotional cores and even if I splunder(ed) the heart of the story a bit it’s probably the first fic I’ve had to rival Gotham Falls in terms of heart.

It was like some bad joke, except there wasn’t a punchline here.

Stan smiled to himself, imagining how she would have told him about this.

‘I’ve been doing tarot readings on my calls now. Your brother’s missing. Describing the card’s meaning adds up so much time.’

He tried to think about that, about how funny that part of the situation would have been, how funny it was because it was pretty much how it would go down if it happened.

2. Journal 3 Transcribed - It’s not a fic, BUT it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time and it was a labor of love. Exactly what it sounds, I transcribed all of Journal 3 into a google doc.

3. A Blinded Eye for a Blinded Eye - This was a great fun little ficlet series (still a wip)!! I love it a lot, actually. It’s Stan and Ford trying to figure out what’s going on with a Ford that’s been wiped via memory gun. Honestly, any other series fics I do for gf after this point will likely be in this same format of short and sweet chapters.

Stan jammed the chair underneath the door handle.

Ford opened the medical folder left behind labelled ‘F. McGucket’, flipping quickly through the information with fingers that kept slipping on the papers. The address was quick enough to find, but he kept looking for anything else that could help. He had to find out what Fiddleford McGucket meant, what he was in this story.

4. Even Stone Crumbles - A Classic staple of mine - a Paranoid!Ford One shot that flows into existence at 3am. AU of basically ‘but what if Ford just broke down when Stan touched his shoulder’

5. Gotham Falls - I only posted one chapter of this in 2020 (y i k e s), but I’m happy with it all the same! This is, and has always been, my passion fic. It’s Primarily the fic that I actually came into fic writing for gf for and it’s one I’ve always had big plans for to finish. In 2021 I’m going to try to lower my self expectations though so, you know, I can actually post more chapters for it.

An inquisitive voice, responded. “Hello.” Though fairly grainy across the line, it was still composed in a very precise manner.

It immediately brought Ford back to the practiced, polite formality ingrained into the voices he heard at scholarly conferences from the more seasoned and reputable scientists. Every note carried just so with an absolute, natural ease as though they had never spoken any other way. An inimitable result from countless meetings and intellectual discussions with fellow scientists for several years.

The voice had always filled Ford with a quick and easy reverence before, knowing what had been behind those perfected tones. The same voice from Cobblepot filled him with an icy and unerringly certain wariness of the man. Oswald Cobblepot had not been active in legal business for long, his activities as The Penguin, however, stretched back many years in the newspapers.

As everyone says - don’t feel bad about what you didn’t do, be proud of what you did manage to do despite the circumstances.

Also just saying 2020 I shaved with fire so just know that circumstances can’t stop you from Every part of living.

(tagging, if you’re up to it and sorry if this is double tagging you, and whoever is welcome: @fexiled, @pinesbrosfalls, @novantinuum, @eregyrn-falls)

#fic talk #mentioned #ask game #(not an ask game but still)#2020 #long post

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sibyl-of-space · 4 years ago

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Final Fantasy IX ~ Melodies and Memories

"Jesters of the Moon"

There are a lot of very good video games in the world, but it takes some luck and circumstance outside of a game's control for one to reach me at just the right time(s) and place(s) in my life that it has a tangible impact on who I am -- who I want to be. One that carves out a space for itself in my soul that will never be removed or replaced.

I've just finished playing Final Fantasy IX for the first time, and there's no doubt in my mind that such is the case here.

(Continued below readmore.)

I drew this art last year, when I was mourning my attachment to an old favorite game that I just don't feel the same way about anymore: Majora's Mask. I wanted to draw something that captured my feelings about it, because sometimes art is the best way to talk about something when the words don't want to come.

Why is "Jesters of the Moon," the name of a random song in the Final Fantasy IX soundtrack, plastered in the middle of this Majora's Mask fanart? Especially considering I hadn't even played Final Fantasy IX yet when I drew this?

The reason is exactly that "luck and circumstance" that allowed me to fall so uniquely in love with the game.

"Mt. Gulug"

In 2008, someone on YouTube uploaded a Majora's Mask parody-slash-let's-play series called "Majora's Mask: The Things Which Were Taken Out." The series has since become unlisted and won't be linked here out of respect for the creator who probably doesn't want things they said and made in 2008 being spread all over the internet, but because of Unregistered Hypercam 2 reasons, the series inserted other background music over the video and didn't record the actual game audio.

I didn't recognize any of the music, but I watched these parody videos on repeat because in addition to being funny (...at the time, in my mind, at least), I really really loved the music. It got to the point where I would sometimes be playing Majora's Mask and get disappointed when I approached Goht and the Mt. Gulug theme wasn't playing in the background.

I had forgotten about these videos for a really long time in the interim, but I remembered them at some point when I was thinking about Majora's Mask and I found them again. The creator had cited the Final Fantasy IX soundtrack for virtually all of the background music used in the videos, and I realized that despite knowing literally nothing about the game, I had become really fond of - and weirdly nostalgic for - the songs from it that I now recognized.

So I looked up "Jesters of the Moon" and played it on repeat while I drew out my feelings in colored marker. A few months later, I realized that my backwards compatible PS3 can also play PS1 games, and eBay had FFIX for PS1 at a good price. I had nothing to lose by ordering it and seeing what the source of all that fantastic music was like.

"Vamo Alla Flamenco"

I started my playthrough knowing nothing about what to expect from the game. I'd never played a Final Fantasy game before and my overall JRPG experience has been mostly limited to Tales of, Persona, and more recently, mainline Shin Megami Tensei. The only things I knew about Final Fantasy were a) the Tidus laughing scene, and b) Sephiroth. IX seemed like it had vibes I would enjoy, but beyond that I knew nothing about what the experience would be. So I approached it with a "let's have fun and see how it goes" attitude, naming my party members the first silly thing that came to mind, ending up with "Swaggy," "OwO," "Bitchin," "Gunz," and "SWOOORD" to start with.

(For the record I do not regret those names whatsoever.)

I was immediately struck by how differently the game uses music in comparison to all of my previous JRPG experiences. This was not a game where the composer was given a list of theme songs that were slapped on top of a mostly completed game-- this was a game constructed with the soundtrack in mind as a part of the writing process.

The opening act plays almost like an opera (side note, yes I know one of the other FF's has a literal opera, I haven't played that one): you traverse the same locations from different perspectives as different characters, introducing the cast with lighthearted humor and dramatic irony out the wazoo. While you traverse the city as OwO, OwO's theme is playing in the background, coloring your perspective of the city and the narrative. When you switch to Gunz patrolling around the castle, Gunz's theme accompanies your movement and informs his character and mission. I am so accustomed to "location themes" being the norm in virtually all video games that experiencing character and/or narrative themes as BGM instead while I bumble around town changed my entire perspective on what music in games can do and be.

The operatic feeling is definitely intentional, because the game uses a play-within-a-game narrative device to hit you over the head with its themes in a way that is somehow poignant and artful while also being extremely blatant. That is a hard balance to strike, but it manages. The whole game is like that: it is completely straightforward and tells you exactly what it's about at heart, but it does it beautifully.

At any rate, I was enamored with this intro and had a very fun time, but I wasn't obsessed or anything and ended up putting it down. I spent several months on the first half of disk 1 with weeks passing between play sessions. I liked the game plenty, but life stuff happened and I decided to get obsessed with Dai Gyakuten Saiban and Ghost Trick for a while. No regrettis.

It was already clear, though, that FFIX was going to be special to me. My compositions for my team's game in the Global Game Jam in 2021 were directly inspired by FFIX's opera-like intro. I wrote two character themes for our game that would serve as background music when you play as the two protagonists, coloring your journey differently even when moving in the same spaces. I was intentionally trying to mimic the way music is used in FFIX as an exercise. The themes I wrote are definitely some of my strongest work so far.

(You can check out the game here if you want, I promise it is significantly shorter than Final Fantasy IX.)

"Melodies of Life"

Music caused me to pick up FFIX the first time, and music caused me to return to it. After months of not touching or really thinking about it, just earlier this week I was inspired to play it again, because - again - I listened to the right song at the right time.

I was again mourning the loss of something, in this case a friendship, for reasons I'm not going to share here. I had already heard the song "Melodies of Life" because it came up when I was looking up FFIX songs to reblog on Tumblr a few months ago, and I decided to listen to it again. Even without knowing the game context, the song itself really spoke to me in that moment: "a voice from the past, joining yours and mine, adding up the layers of harmony" - it kind of made me feel at peace with the fact that I had a lot of positive memories of that friendship and I could keep those at heart while also moving on in the present. ...I'm also a sucker for music metaphors, so there is that.

I was really moved by this song, cheesy as it is, and I was also definitely in the mood for a distraction. Picking up FFIX again felt like the best move.

It was, and my life is forever changed.

The game never stopped being beautiful and funny and touching, and the soundtrack never ceased to amaze. I recognized concepts I've seen in other games but never had I seen them used so artfully. I adored the fantasy world and non-human cast, I found myself enticed by random encounter for the first time because it made me feel like I had to struggle to survive a difficult journey. Music, gameplay, visuals, and story felt like one cohesive work of art for the entire duration.

Life circumstances got me to play the game again, but the game itself was so captivating and wonderful that I binged the entire rest of it - disks 2-4 - in less than a week. Everything else that the game had to say, it told me itself, in its own context, and I was ready to listen.

"You're Not Alone!"

This is going to make me sound like an emotionally-stunted twenty-something, but it has been years since a work of media has got me to have a really good cry. I used to cry playing games all the time as a kid but recently I'll find myself getting emotional, sure, often tearing up, but getting completely red-faced and snot-nosed because I physically cannot contain the emotions being evoked by a work? Years. I can't honestly tell you the last time it happened with certainty.

I feel like an emotional band-aid has been ripped off. I was f*cking sobbing during the entire duration of the "You're Not Alone!" sequence. It didn't matter that what was happening was obviously coming from a mile away, because the delivery was so raw and emotional and human!!! A whole game's worth of Swaggy punching first and asking questions later to save his friends, being Protag McProtag endangering himself for others in any and all circumstances, for the payoff of all of his friends forcing him to stop being such a primadonna and let them help him for once. It's true, too! He relies on them just as much as they rely on him! And the game doesn't just tell you this, no, it lets you try to solo all these fights and waits until you realize how boned you are until they come bail you out.

When Bitchin showed up with her "looks like you need a hand" I wanted to straight up yell at my tv. YES I DO!!! YES I DO NEED YOU BITCHIN!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!! I half knew that SWOOORD was going to heal me before I got truly KO-ed but I had been unmercifully wiped in "unwinnable" battles before in this game, so I legit thought I might have to re-do that whole part of the game again, and I was so relieved and thankful when she showed up and healed me.

This moment exemplifies everything that I adore about this game. It doesn't just tell you its story. It shows it to you, it sings it to you, and it and lets you play it out and feel it for yourself.

"Game Over"

This song is all too familiar to me. Gizamaluke's Grotto was very unforgiving for a first-time Final Fantasy player, especially one who didn't happen to pick up Big on the way for a fourth party member early on.

I hadn't heard the piano part in a few months, though, because when I picked the game back up I started just mashing to reload before it got to that point any time we wiped. I didn't hear it again until the game was truly over, this time for good.

I let it play for a while. Not too long, because I have a CRT TV and didn't want "The End" to get burned in. But a while. Enough to meditate on what I'd just experienced, and how I was feeling about it.

There's so much more to say about the game, far more than I could put in a blog post. But I don't think I need to describe these thoughts in words. I can do what the game did, and use music, use art, use stories, use metaphors, and use symbols to communicate what I mean; and hope that someone else is able and willing to listen.

And although a written record of my thoughts likely won't be preserved for all that long, maybe the feelings and the memories will be, so long as they have been shared.

#personal #analyses #ffix

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bramblepeltao3 · 4 years ago

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Woooaaaahhhhh Part 4!

After a very long hot shower (And the water here smelled different. Not bad just...different) Del was slightly less full of jumpy angry anxiety. She did as she was asked. She kept quiet about what happened, went with Aranea’s story, and kept herself from screaming at every person who she saw between the crownsguard station and the shower.

At least she had her own room. Right next to Prompto of course, in case he needed her. It was large, and had a lovely bed with soft blankets, and everything smelled like lavender. So at least she had this, she thought, as she wrapped herself in the very plush fancy towel and opened the door, walking into her room through a cloud of steam.

“P...Princess…”

“LOQI!” Del screamed, noticing the man standing right in the middle of her room. “What the FUCK are y- I AM NOT A PRINCESS!”

“This came for you, I only wanted to make sure it was delivered dire-”

“I’m naked, get out!”

“And I wanted to apologize for the trouble you experienced this afternoon. If I were there-”

“We’d be dead if you were there, now please, GET OUT!” She took the package from him and retreated back into the bathroom.

She waited for the sound of the door to open and close again, but it never came. She was going to amass a body count before this trip was over, she could just feel it.

“Lady Delphia. I wanted you to know...His Highness showed me the photos he took on the train. And, well, with both of you so close together...I don’t know why no one else seems to notice.”

And then there was that blessed door clicking sound.

Just breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale! It’s easy. Just. Breathe.

She didn’t know which was worse: that Tumult was observant enough to see the obvious or that he was taking the completely wrong point from it.

She walked back into the sleeping area and, satisfied no perverted shitheads were hanging out, opened the package. It was exactly what she expected: the dress promised by Marigold. There was a small handwritten note on top of the blue, floral print dress.

‘You seem like the practical type. This one has pockets!’ She pulled out the dress which had a bit more flair to it than she would’ve liked. But the blue was pretty, and the floral print was subtle, and fuck if it didn’t indeed have pockets.

Del carefully got dressed, but found herself unable to really get that zipper up, and resigned herself to asking someone for their assistance. This was a palace. There were people here to do that. That was fine, right? Like, it was their job to pull the zippers up on idiot doctor’s dresses for them.

“Knock knock!” She heard a voice call from the door accompanied by an actual door knock.

“What is it, Aranea?” Del asked as the woman helped herself into the room anyway.

It appeared she also received her new dress. A very lovely, very glittery black gown that hugged all of her curves. Paired with matching opera length gloves, her hair tied back in a very elegant bun, and incredible chandelier earrings, Aranea looked like she belonged in this world. She looked beautiful.

She whistled. “Now that is more your style, Doc. Here, turn around.”

Del pulled her hair over her shoulder while Aranea zipped and clasped the dress. “A-line definitely works for you, especially with this sweetheart neckline. You look like an adorable college co-ed looking for the perfect Jimmy or Henry to dance three feet apart from and have you home by eight.”

“I really don't get you.” Del sighed. “Like, was that a compliment? Was it an insult? What-” She turned around, arms dropping heavily at her side. “Can you just say you think I look stupid?”

Aranea blinked, placing her hands on her hips. “Why would I say that? I think you look cute.”

Del immediately shot her eyes to the floor, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“Hey. We went through some rough shit back there. And I know the last thing a grumpy introvert like you wants to do is get back out there and put herself on display. But I need every pair of eyes I can get tonight.” Aranea said before taking a lock of Del’s hair in her hand. “You weren’t seriously planning to go with wet hair, were you?”

“I-” Del grabbed her hair, hands clamping it all against her neck. “It’ll air dry. It’s fine.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen how your hair looks normally. Come on, Lemon Tart, let’s have a few minutes of girl time.” Aranea took her by the hand and led her out of her room, down the hall, and into her own. Del let her, reluctantly.

And that’s how she found herself sitting in the other woman’s bathroom, letting her meaneuver her hair into a braid and put some weird smelling lotion on her face.

“Alright, what color do you usually wear?” She asked, opening a small bag packed full of cosmetics.

“I...I don’t kno-...I don’t wear makeup and frankly I think it looks...really stupid. On me. It looks bad-”

“You’ve never had someone who knows what she’s doing before. Here.” She fished out a few small bottles and brushes and placed her ungloved hand gently under Del’s chin. “This will make those green eyes pop.”

Del closed her eyes and hoped this would be over quickly. She hated makeup. She hated jewelry. She hated putting things in her hair. She hated anything that caused the act of getting ready to take longer than absolutely necessary.

But there was something so...gentle about the way Aranea ran that brush over her eyelids. The absolute trust she had to put in her when she applied that liquid eyeliner, and the blush. She rubbed it in with her thumb and it felt...intimate. Weirdly, comfortably intimate.

“Alright, now the final touch. Too much red would flush your skin, so let’s do something a little more pink.”

She placed a small brush into a glass container and started to slowly, purposely paint Del’s lips. Finally, she placed everything back in the bag and grabbed a hand mirror.

“Look at you, you’re going to have those Lucian boys flocking to your side.”

“I can’t think of a worse scenario.” Del sighed. But damn...she did look kinda hot. Aranea was right, she just needed someone who knew what the fuck they were doing.

“Let me put this into a better perspective. We both need to be attracting attention in there. The Marshal assured me they were taking the highest precautions at this thing, and I believe he believes that. But we need to have our own guards up. So while we’ve got all eyes on us, our eyes are on Shortcake.”

Del frowned. “So we’re...drawing the focus away from him?”

“Less people hanging around him and keeping attention on him, the easier it’ll be for me to spot if anyone is a little too interested in him. Make sense?” Aranea asked with a smirk.

Right. Draw the attention of people who otherwise wouldn’t care about Prompto save for social climbing or networking. Make it easier for the shield to keep tabs on who really wanted to be within his circle.

“Yeah. Alright I guess I can...be...this,” she gestured at herself, “for one night. For Prompto.”

“Knew you’d say that.” Aranea stood up straight, pulling Del to her feet as well. “I’ll be the sultry seductress dream girl, you play the girl next door fantasy, we’ll have plenty of tall dark and rich hanging around.”

They made their way into the sleeping area, where Del caught a glimpse of herself in the full length mirror. Funny. She’d always hated the idea of herself looking like this. Painted up, dressed up, it felt too much like the life she was almost doomed to live a long time ago. But this...this felt kinda...nice?

“One more thing.” Aranea took her hand and slipped something onto her wrist. “Pretty, right? There’s a tracking device in it. Shortcake’s got one too. They let me keep track of you two wherever you are.”

Del frowned at it. “Ok, Prompto I get. But why me?”

“Those gunmen were after you. That was made very clear based on where they were aiming. That’s another reason I want you surrounded by hungry suitors all night. Less opportunity for someone to pull something. But don’t worry, between myself, the Marshal, and poor little love struck Loqi I think you’ll be safe.”

“Eugh.” Del shuddered. “Can we maybe not acknowledge that weirdness going on?”

Aranea let out a laugh as they crossed to leave the room. “Not exactly returning those affections, I guess?”

“I have known that dipshit for a very long time. His delusions of self grandeur are only surpassed by his creepy level of nationalism. I’m good, thanks.”

“Hm.” Aranea hummed as she began to open the door. “So what I’m hearing is I still have a shot?”

Del’s eyes went wide.

Aranea made a gun shape with her hand, finger barrel pointing at Del’s head, and made a mock motion of pulling the trigger. She smirked and walked out into the hallway.

Why. Don't. People. Just. Say. What. They. Mean?!

“Prompto! Time to head out, are you ready?” Aranea asked, standing in front of the door next to hers. She frowned when there was no response.

“Are you sure he didn’t already leave?” Del asked, a little hopefully.

“The tracker says he’s in there. Bet he’s having trouble getting all those buttons done right. Prompto! Doc and I are coming in.” She announced before opening the door.

Inside, there was no one.

“Shit.” Aranea whispered, walking to the nightstand where a matching bracelet to Del’s was sitting.

Del felt her throat begin to close up as she looked out towards the balcony door, wide open, and no one in sight.

---

Prompto was sure something was very, very wrong with him. Maybe he was having some kind of reaction to his medication or the water here had something weird in it. That had to be the explanation for why he agreed to just climb on to the back of the Prince of Lucis and fly.

Like, actually fly. The Prince of Lucis could fly, in a weird indirect way.

He’d just shown up on the balcony outside his room, seven stories up, like it wasn’t a big deal at all, sparkling with the remnants of magic.

“Wanted to say hi, you know, outside of the whole ceremony and everything.” He’d said. And Prompto, completely not used to being alone with people his own age, just kind of stumbled out to stand with him.

“How did you-”

“I warped.” He said with a smile, like it was obvious.

So they stood there, in the warm afternoon air, talking about magic and warping and -somehow- the conversation turned to his favorite topic.

“No way, you like Assassin’s Creed too?” Noctis asked, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah! It’s only like the best franchise in modern gaming!” Prompto couldn’t believe his luck. He’d never met anyone else who played video games. It was his favorite hobby, and not just because for a handful of years it was the only thing he could bring himself to do. “It would be so cool to be an assassin. Uh, not like, a really real one. Heh. Just like, getting to climb or jump or glide anywhere you want? So cool.” Prompto said wistfully. To sneak out of his room back home and see anything he wanted was an ongoing dream of his.

And this trip was the closest thing he had to fulfilling it so far.

“So why don’t you?” Noctis asked, leaning against the balcony railing.

“Well, for starters, I can’t exactly zip through the air like you can.” Prompto laughed.

He straightened back up. “Do you want to?”

And that was how Prince Prompto, heir to the vast Empire of Niflheim, found himself losing his lunch in the bushes outside the Lucian Citadel.

“Shit, sorry Prompto. Guess I should’ve warned you it takes some getting used to.” Noctis said, stifling a laugh.

“No way! That was so much fun!” He smiled despite how green his face must have been. “Should probably just take the elevator on the way back, though.” As much as he wanted to do that again he wasn’t sure his stomach would approve. Or his doctor.

Noct pulled out his phone and made a distressed sound. “Well, we’re both about to be late. Ignis is going to kill me.” He held his hand out to Prompto to help him back up. “I’m sure if we stroll in together it’ll be no big deal.”

Prompto took it, and after making sure his evening attire did not betray their activity, agreed with Noct’s plan.

“So…” Prompto started as they began their walk through the courtyard. “Who’s Ignis?”

“My advisor. I’ve known him since I can remember. He means well, and I know he’s just looking out for me and my future but his nagging can get really annoying.” Noctis huffed, stretching his arms behind his head.

“Oh, I totally get that. My doctor is super overprotective. At first it was really nice having someone care that much, but sometimes it’s like I breathe a little wrong and she wants to run a whole diagnostic to make sure I’m not dying!”

Noctis laughed, and it sounded so nice to Prompto’s ears.

“What about your shield? She looks pretty tough. She come from a family line?” Noct asked.

“Nah. She’s been in the military since she was super young, and then one day she just told my father, ‘I’m Prompto’s shield.’ Like, no question! She just made that claim and that was it! I’m really glad though, she’s always been like a sister to me.”

“Sounds nice. Mine is a huge ass who can’t seem to keep a shirt on.”

Prompto snort laughed.

“His whole family has been my family’s shields going way back. So, not much of a choice for any of us. He’s cool, though.” Noct’s face fell into something more neutral as they approached the stairs leading back into the palace. “Man. This is going to be so boring. Wanna ditch and go play video games?”

He did, more than anything else ever in his life he wanted to hang out alone with Prince Noctis. But slightly more than that, he wanted to not be the cause of an issue that might lead to all out war between their dads.

“We should probably at least make an appearance.” Prompto said carefully.

“Yeah…” Noctis sighed. “Bet we can find a way to make it more interesting, at least.” He said with a wicked little gleam in his eyes.

Prompto was completely out of his element. And it felt so cool!

---

“What do you mean, Prince Noctis is missing?” Cor said, actually feeling a few more years being cut from his lifespan.

“As I said, he simply left his room without alerting or informing anyone of his intentions. This isn’t the first time he’s done this but it’s certainly the worst possible time that he could.” Ignis, poor long suffering Ignis, rubbed his eyes under his glasses.

“Has Gladiolus been informed?” Cor asked, hoping beyond hope that at least his very responsible student might have a handle on this.

“Indeed, and his response was, ‘I told you so’.” Ignis punctuated the statement with little quotation marks by his head. “I had hoped beyond all hope he would actually take these proceedings seriously.”

Amazing. After everything that already happened that day, now Noct decided whatever arcade cabinet or fishing pond he felt most like visiting was more important than ensuring a lifelong peace with their biggest enemy.

“He’s probably just asleep in a tree somewhere.” The Prince could seemingly sleep anywhere, at any time. It was a life skill that Cor envied. “Inform the Glaive we have a code Stray Cat. Level Calico for now, unless we have evidence it’s something more serious.” Calico stray cat: Noctis is missing but he’s probably just dicking around somewhere. Find him but don’t panic. Black stray cat: Noct is missing and assumed in danger. Orange stray cat: Noct is most definitely in danger.

Again. Regis’ idea.

“I will do so at once, Marshal.” Ignis gave a slight bow and ran off to deliver the message. He was a good kid, both him and Gladio. Wonderfully dedicated crownsguards and the exact sort of responsible needed to ensure Noctis made it to his reign alive. And still, still he managed to get himself into trouble.

“Gladio.” Cor said into his switched on ear piece.

“I’ve got the crownsguard sweeping the perimeter. Glaive are searching outside the Citadel. We’ll catch that cat, Sir.”

“Nice choice of words. I’m going to check in with our guests.” No one else should have to deal with that headache. Cor made his way to the seventh floor, right where he left them. Prince Prompto’s door was ajar, with no one inside, but the balcony door was also wide open.

Not good.

“Gladio, bad news-”

“Good news Sir, the cat’s in the bag. And he brought a little yellow puppy with him.”

Cor laughed, shaking his head with his hands on his hips.

Teenagers. Of course they’d sneak off to get into trouble together. At least it implied they were getting along, which really was the whole point of this thing. He could only be so mad about it all. He turned to head back to the ballroom, ready to take his post for the evening.

Until he was struck with the realization that Prompto’s attendants probably realized he had gone missing. And they didn’t have the benefit of knowing he was okay.

“...shit.”

---

“This place is a FUCKING maze!” Del screamed as the two made their way down yet another hallway. Everywhere they walked service staff seemed to flee from their presence. Of course they did. Everyone here hated their guts and everything about them so why would anyone try and help?

Fine! She had thought. We’ll just find Cor. Whatever. This is his problem now. Her ego meant nothing compared to Prompto’s safety. So off they went, ready to find the Marshal and make sure her brother was safe. There was only one problem.

Neither of them understood enough of the Lucian language.

They all spoke the same common language, sure, but each Kingdom still had their own stupid written language because neither wanted to go through the hassle of changing out hundreds of years’ worth of fixtures and Del hadn’t thought to stick that piece of academia into her mind because in what world would she have to know the difference between a bathroom and a library in the Lucian Ciatdel?

Well...apparently this one!

“You know what’s a universal language? Pictures. Just...put a little picture of a toilet on the sign. Then there’s no confusion! What’s in there? Oh! A bathroom! OBVIOUSLY!” Del was quickly losing her mind, and Aranea’s silence was just making it worse.

“Doc.” She finally said, grabbing her arm. She turned to Del, put a finger to her lips, and carefully walked them both through a door and into...the kitchen. After a quick scan of the perimeter she set her sights on a supply closet and somehow, maneuvered both of them into it, closing the door behind them.

“What-” Del tried to ask but Aranea put a hand over her mouth.

“Listen.” She whispered.

After a few very quiet minutes passed, Del was ready to tell the shield exactly what she thought about being shoved in a closet while Prompto was still missing, when they heard a door open., and several pairs of footsteps.

“I can’t hear shit in there, so what the fuck is with this?”

“You tell him what you told me.”

“I got strict orders, directly from the kid’s doctor. She said this needs to go in his meal. It’s medicine, you know their Prince is sickly and all. We’re doing it in here so as not to cause a scene. It is absolutely vital he gets it. Understood?”

Del’s eyes went wide. Aranea was narrowing hers in suspicion. Del shook her head. No, she hadn’t told anyone jack shit about medicine. And he certainly didn’t have any medication that needed to be dropped into his dinner.

This was poison. They were trying to poison Prompto.

“Alright. I’ll mark it special, make sure it gets to the right seat.”

After some shuffling and footsteps, the two carefully left the closet and quietly made their way out to the hallway.

“Listen, Doc-”

“I didn’t tell anyone shit about putting medicine in food.”

“I know. So either you’re being set up, or Insomnia is. Either way, the search for Shortcake just got a lot more urgent.”

A quiet ding grabbed their attention, and the two realized there was an elevator around the corner. Finally. They took off sprinting to catch it, barely managing to do so, and simply selecting the ground floor.

“How big of a scene do we need, here? Who are we going to tell?” Del asked. Aranea seemed to know exactly how to approach every scenario, and Del was about to mentally collapse so she was more than happy to let her take control.

“Tumult will see it as the Lucians attempting an assassination. If we call out the kitchen workers they’re going to set you up for the fall, and no one here has any reason to trust you wouldn’t.” Aranea said carefully.

“Cor knows, he’d vouch for me. He knows I’d never do anything to hurt Prompto.” Del said, trying to resist the urge to bite at her still nicely painted lip.

“Why?” Aranea snapped.

“Huh?” Del looked at her frustrated features.

“Why does the Marshal know that?” She asked.

Shit. SHIT. “Because...well like, I’m a doctor! Come on, I’m a doctor and a great one, I’d never hurt any of my patients!”

Aranea opened her mouth to respond but before she could make a sound, the elevator doors opened and there he was. Standing next to the Lucian Prince.

“Oh thank the Gods.” Del sighed, abandoning any amount of professionalism and rushing over to hug the Prince. “Don’t scare us like that, dude, we thought something terrible happened!”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean- Wow you guys look really pretty.” Prompto nervously said with a smile.

“I’m guessing you're the shield?” Aranea stated, looking up and down the teenager standing behind the princes.

“That would be me, yeah. And these two thought it’d be great fun to goof off and get every glaive and guard in the city looking for them.”

Prompto looked at the ground in embarrassment. Noctis seemed pleased.

“Prom here wanted to have some fun. I thought I’d be a good host and show him some.”

Noctis laughed. Prompto’s face turned very red.

“So are we going to this borefest now, or what?” Prince Noctis asked his shield.

“I’ve got something I need to talk to you about.” Aranea nodded her head towards Gladiolus. He nodded back at her.

“That dress looks really good on you, Del!” Prompto said, trying to change the subject from his sudden irresponsible disappearance.

“Thanks,” Del smiled down at him as they began to follow the Lucians, “it has pockets.” She demonstrated by sticking her hands in them. She felt something in the left pocket. A piece of paper. She carefully retrieved it, no bigger than the palm of her hand, and quickly read the message scribbled on it.

‘Del-We need to talk. Meet me at the bar. C.L.’

C.L. Cor Leonis. We need to talk. Yes. Yes they did. And she already had a well practiced script of exactly what she planned to say to his stupid moron face.

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revisionaryhistory · 4 years ago

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Three Days ~ 66

~*~Emma~*~

I had taken quite a bit of shit when we were warming up. Good natured teasing. There was no more telling them not to refer to him as my boyfriend, no more asking them to not embarrass me, and definitely no more concerns if he liked me. Those were never real anyway.

I was a little surprised by how much I enjoyed him with these friends, especially Mallory. These may not be my best friends, but they are my everyday friends. Mal is by far my best friend here. I can call Angie and Eli anytime, but Mal is just here. It's been fun to see these friends interact with Sebastian. Until Toni talked about him like he wasn't there.

That's the difference between my best friends and my everyday friends. My best friends don't go starry eyed and look at him like he's larger than life. Mallory didn't as much. She was the only one who knew who he was. She’d had time to make him real and not just a movie star. Oh shit, I screwed this up.

When we got in the car Mallory put her hand on my arm, "I love him. He’s down to earth, funny, and over the moon in love with you. He can't keep his hands off you. I love him."

I was feeling like a giddy teenager, "He's pretty fantastic."

After Mallory and Sebastian told me about the "work" questions, I felt worse about how I'd handled this. I'd apologize later and figure out how to do better. Her ideas on fan behavior had been interesting. It was a different perspective from either of ours. I was watching his face while she talked. I could tell when he agreed, disagreed, and when something made him think. Watching his eyes focus on the road while his eyebrows and mouth showed how he was processing. Doing that thing with his tongue. This conversation should not be turning me on. Fuck that. Everything about him, having to do with him, turns me on. I like that too much to fight it.

Sebastian jumped out of the CRV when we got to Mallory’s. I could read his lips, “Thank you for everything.” Mallory’s eyes were wide with surprise when he hugged her.

At my place, I stopped outside my front door, took off my shoes, and dumped out the sand. "I thought that was going on."

Sebastian laughed, "That's why you wear sandals on a beach."

That reminded me, "Do you talk to Will? Any decision on the group getaway?"

He was toeing off his shoes, "Nope. Do you want to see if Angie and Eli want to go?"

"No." I held onto his arm, stretching up to kiss him. "This is us going away with your friends. I want it to just be us."

He put his arms around me, "Angie and Eli are us too."

This man. I laid a hand on his chest, "I love you."

"I love you too." He smiled and kissed me.

"I appreciate you including them, but I want to be with you and just your friends. We're always with my friends, even when we were with your friends. I don't want to introduce new people into your friends and change the dynamic."

"You're incredible." I scrunched up my face and shook my head. Sebastian wasn't having any of it. He put his hands on my face, "You are. Incredible. Every hour since I told you I love you something happens and I realize I love you more than I did an hour ago. We're discussing a vacation and you want it to be just my friends so I'm comfortable and I want to invite your friends so you'll be comfortable. This is the best disagreement ever."

Instead of letting me respond, he kissed my words away. The warmth of his mouth and the softness of his tongue against mine wiped away everything else. We held each other and kept the kiss soft and slow. I wanted to stay like this. Right now felt quiet and innocent. There was just us. These moments are precious. The kiss ended with us hold on a little tighter. I felt like he was with me realizing the moment was ours and wanting to stay in it.

Several minutes later we had lessened our hold on each other and eased apart. I kissed his pink lips, "I need to shower."

Sebastian's thumb moved over my cheek, "You look tired. Want anything from down here?"

"There's some juice in the fridge. That would be great. Thanks." I kissed him again and head upstairs.

In the shower, I felt my energy going down the drain with the sand and sweat. I put on the cami and shorts I’d brought in with me and walked back into my bedroom.

The only light was from the bedside table. Sebastian was covered to his waist by the sheets and was reading something on his phone. He looked over with a smile and laid his phone on the bed, "Feel better?"

"Cleaner." I climbed under the covers he held up, sliding my hand from the band of his boxer briefs to the center of his chest.

"I don't think I handled you meeting my friends well. I feel bad and I'm sorry you were uncomfortable." His eyebrows were weighted down with questions. I kept talking, "Mal is the only one who didn't gawk at you. She’s also the only one who knew who you were. I mean they all knew I had a boyfriend named Sebastian and assorted good things, but I hadn't shown them pictures, told them what you do, or your last name. Mal knew, so she wasn't surprised. I think I should have prepared them so they weren't all "oh fuck Sebastian Stan”. Would have been better."

Sebastian shrugged and made a face, "Maybe, maybe not. Might have given them time to get worked up. Not that your friends are fans, but the reaction of fans who've paid money to meet me varies from struck mute to panic attack. They were fine." He kissed me, "Curious why you didn't tell them. Am I your dirty little secret?"

I laughed, "Not hardly. The important people knew before you were back in the city the first weekend. The ones who would think nothing of who you are outside of a guy with an interesting job. Telling work friends is complicated. I didn't know how to tell who you were without it being awkward, so I let it happen organically, which made it awkward for you. I think after talking about you a few times, where they knew about you, I should have shown them you. Introduced you as this great guy, then added a picture. That’s what happened with Mal. She knew a lot about you so when she saw the picture it was putting a face with the person she already knew. Plus she had time to ask me about us. I was protecting us, me, from questions and gossip. Had the kids found out they would have been all over me and posting things online. We were new and I wanted to keep it private. Then it was too late." Sebastian was smiling. "What?"

"I get it. If I figure out how to do it right, I'll let you know. Until then we'll muddle through." He stroked the back of my head and kissed me.

I rambled on, "I feel like there's a public and private me. Work friends are public. I don’t hide Ed, I just don’t advertise. It’s private. I may get a question if I’ve posted something, but mostly the novelty has worn off. The kids don’t know. You’re like Ed, you're private. Had I just kept using Vedder as my last name there wouldn’t be this divide."

"You used Vedder?"

I nodded, " It made sense in Seattle and since he was doing all the college stuff with me. When we moved to New York, Jimmy asked me to use Marcum. We were going to a lot of law firm functions and he wanted to build his own name. I was young and an idiot. "

"Did you legally change it?"

More nodding, "Marcum-Vedder. Hyphenated." I cocked my head, "Is Stan your real name?"

His turn to nod.

I growled, "Not like I feel particularly connected to my biological family right now. Tomorrow my room will be crowded with teachers coming to say hello. If I'd left it Vedder..."

Suddenly I was on my back, Sebastian's weight holding me down, and his mouth covering mine. He tasted like clarity and calm. I didn't know I needed either. He moved away slowly, "I think you might be too tired."

"I ramble when I’m tired."

"I noticed." He kissed me before his lips could fully turn into a smirk. Rolling back and taking me with him, Sebastian held my head to his chest. "I want you to close your eyes."

I watched him pick up his phone, "What are you doing?"

"I told you to close your eyes"

I did and he kissed my forehead.

"So Winnie-the-Pooh went round to his friend Christopher Robin, who lived behind a green door in another part of the forest.

“Good morning, Christopher Robin,” he said.

“Good morning, Winnie-ther-Pooh,” said you.

“I wonder if you’ve got such a thing as a balloon about you?”

I didn't open my eyes. "I love you."

"I love you," was whispered against my forehead. Then he went back to reading.

I woke up in the morning to find our positions reversed. Sebastian's arm and leg were thrown over me and his head was on my chest. His face was turned down where all I saw was hair. I couldn't resist. At first, I barely touched the strands. With each stroke my fingers went deeper until I reached his scalp. His hair was thick, soft but a little coarse with his waves. I loved the way tendrils wrap around and let go of my fingers.

Eventually, there was a sound telling me someone else was enjoying my play. Sebastian let out a contented moan, "All day. You have all day to stop doing what you're doing."

"This should be a secret sign. We can be anywhere and I can run my fingers through your hair. No one but you and I would know what it means."

Sebastian looked up with his sleepy eyes and soft smile. "What does it mean?"

I hadn't gotten that far. I crinkled my nose. There were lots of things it could mean. "I think... When I run my fingers here it's a reminder of the first morning we woke up together and I said, "Îmi place să mă trezesc lângă tine. Te ador. Mă faci fericit Sebasti-an." < I love waking up beside you. I adore you. You make me happy.>

"Those are a lot of words."

I put my fingers under his chin to tilt his face up to me. I kissed him very softly with just the briefest touch of tongue. "You don’t have to remember all the words. You just have to feel them.” My fingers trailed through his hair and along his scalp with each sentence. "Îmi place să mă trezesc lângă tine. Te ador. Mă faci fericit, Sebasti-an. Te iubesc." One more stroke as I kissed him, "Think you can remember this feeling."

"Tu ești cel pe care l-am așteptat. Te iubesc ca un nebun." His hand moved up my side, fingers barely trailing over the side of my breast. The contact was as soft as his voice. "You’re the one I’ve been waiting for. I love you like crazy." He licked his lips before pressing them to mine. "Now you have a memory too."

Quite some time later we rolled out of bed and into the shower. I came downstairs, the smell hitting me first, to see Sebastian making breakfast. I wrapped my arms around him from behind, "I thought you said you couldn't cook."

He slid the contents of the pan onto a plate, "Omelets are about it. Scramble some eggs and throw in whatever’s in the fridge." He turned his head and kissed me. "Much more selection in yours than mine."

"You can buy more food."

"Na, just throw it away a month later."

"A month?"

He looked like a naughty child when he shrugged, "It's not pretty."

I took the plates to the other side of the counter, "Dine out at your place. Cooking at mine. Mostly."

He slid onto the stool next to me, "I'll be your sous chef."

I took a bite, "Very fluffy. Good. You can make breakfast."

Sebastian put his arm around my shoulder, pulled me close enough to kiss, and stopped an inch before. "I'll make love to you and bring you breakfast in bed."

I closed the distance by half, "You'll ruin me for other men." I hoped the tone of my voice conveyed I was teasing

"All part of my plan."

We parked in the back lot of the school close to my new room and walked across the lawn to the door close to my current room. I stood in the middle of the room with my hands on my hips looking around. There was so much to pack up. Most things in the cabinets were already in tote boxes and bins. I'd brought in several big plastic bins to load up with anything else and the contents of bookshelves, desk caddies, and the seeming one hundred little areas I had stuff in. Not to mention taking everything off the walls, hanging from the ceiling, area rugs, pillows, and my reading chair.

I looked over my shoulder at Sebastian, "I'm overwhelmed. Don’t even know where to start." Yesterday I didn’t have a deadline. Today I did.

Sebastian smiled and looked around, "When I got here you were taking down the word wall. What about the other walls?"

"Umm, the posters and educational things go to the other room. All the decorations go in the trash. All the name tags and number lines and stuff on the desks are trash too. I'm going to do a new theme. Not sure what."

"Ok. You go back to the words. I'll start ripping down everything that’s trash. We'll go from there." I nodded. "Where's the speaker?" I pointed. "I'll get music going."

Direction helped. I would have gotten there, but after spinning in circles, literally, several times. “I stall out when there’s too much.”

He snickered, “I got your back.”

We got to work. Taking my room apart was faster and much more fun with Sebastian’s help. A kiss here. A hug there. A quick dance around the room. Lot’s of incredibly off-key singing. By the time I started getting hungry the walls were cleared, desks cleaned off, and we had piles in different areas of the room. There were several places that delivered and I tried to think which would have food that Sebastian was supposed to be eating. Boring food and lots of gym time. He hasn’t really had much time to do either. I pulled up a delivery menu on my desktop, “Hey, Bastian, I’m hungry. Come see what you want.”

He came over, sitting on my lap to scroll through the choices. I wrapped my arms around his stomach, linking my hands and laying my cheek against his back. He laid his non-scrolling hand over mine, “Everything looks good.”

“Want to hit the gym once we’re done here?”

I felt him react. He slid off my lap, kneeling on the floor between my legs, with his hands on my hips. “Healthy lunch. Gym. Are you taking care of me?”

I draped my arms over his shoulders, “Guilty.”

As he kissed me I folded my arms around his neck. “I appreciate that, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Another kiss before I grabbed my phone to call Mallory’s room, “Hey, we’re ordering from Bliss. Want?”

Five minutes later I placed the online order for Dawn, Mallory, Nia, and us. Sebastian had laid down on the floor while I arranged lunch. I looked down at him, “No idea when that floor was mopped.”

“Help me up.” He held his hands toward me.

Mallory called when lunch was delivered and we headed over to her. It would be our last lunch in Mallory's room. Yes, we'd be eating in the same place next year, but it would be my room. Dawn was pulling food out, setting it around the table, and Nia had the drinks in the center.

The talking started as soon as we all sat down. Dawn had drifted into the world of online dating and was meeting a new guy on Saturday for coffee. Nia had a long-distance relationship and Mallory had broken up with her long-term boyfriend almost a year ago. She still wanted nothing more than casual dates.

Sebastian smirked, "Just live your life and when you least expect it you'll meet someone."

"Exactly." Mallory stopped to take a drink. "Until then I will try to figure out what I want."

Dawn leaned in Sebastian’s direction, "You're a man."

I saw Sebastian cringe dramatically and his voice as skeptical. "Yes. I checked last time I went to the bathroom."

Dawn laughed, "What do men want?"

Sebastian sat back laughing, "I am a horrible person to ask this." He pulled out his phone and typed a message. I’m guessing to his friends’ chat. “Will’s going to love this.” He took a deep breath. "For it not to be so hard to figure out what women want."

All of us laughed.

"I did this radio interview and asked the female host what women wanted. In a split second she said safety."

The three women didn't have to think before they agreed.

He continued, "Ok, but what does that mean? Am I killing spiders? Putting up security cameras? Walking on the side of the road with the moving vehicles?" He held his hand out toward Dawn, palm up. "You're a strong independent woman and don’t need me riding in on a white horse. You don't need saving."

Mallory shook her head, "There's a difference between feeling safe and being saved by a knight in shining armor."

"Exactly. We, men, need help knowing where that line is. How do we make you feel safe without rescuing you? Women don't need rescuing anymore."

"True." Nia nodded her agreement.

They were thinking. I was smiling, "Feeling safe isn't grand gestures. It's not being rescued, but knowing someone is there to rescue if you need it. Having that support." Like when Sebastian put his hand on my back when Drew was coming at me.

Mallory added, "For me, it is things like walking on the side with the cars. Also, more emotional safety than physical. Maybe not more, but as much. And that’s a million little things"

"And differs for everyone." Nia pointed to herself then around to all of us. "What makes you feel unsafe, may not bother me.”

Sebastian picked up again, "You gotta help a guy out. Plus, don't instantly assume we're chauvinists if we go too far with being protective. Protective equals keeping you safe. It’s trial and error with what’s too much and what’s not enough."

"Back to the original question." Dawn leaned in again. "What do men want?"

"Besides blow jobs?" From Mallory.

He said jokingly, "Good blow jobs."

I poked him in the side, shaking my head, "That's a universal truth." He leaned closer and kissed me with a smile. Bastard.

"We want to feel needed. Realistically women don't need men anymore. You can support yourself, defend yourself, get off without us, and even have kids without us."

Dawn shook her head, "That's a cop out. Everyone wants to feel needed."

He shot back, "Everyone wants to feel safe."

He was right.

Mallory moved her hand as if she was pointing to each part as she spoke. "So the traditional male role of provider made men feel needed and women feel safe. Now that women can take care of themselves men don't feel needed and they don't know how to make us feel safe."

"Kinda sucks to be us." Sebastian shrugged, "Thanks for attending my TED talk on sexual politics." He shook his head in disbelief, "Worst person in the world to be talking."

"Why do you say that?"

I watched him turn his head to meet Mallory's eyes, "I was born in a communist country where contraception and abortion were illegal so women were forced to be mothers to children they didn't want or knew they couldn't feed. Women's rights were nonexistent."

"I think that gives you a unique perspective. Two very different worlds."

I nodded, "Very."

“Not going to lie, I left before I could fully be indoctrinated to that way of thinking, but there are times I have to stop myself and remember I know better.” He looked down at his phone, "I posed your question to my friends. I've got being needed, having a purpose, communication, blow jobs, and ask Emma she's figured out what you need."

Everyone looked at me. I looked at him. "I wouldn't say I figured out what you need as much as I paid attention when you told me."

He had that adorable confused look he gets. "What do I need?"

"Are you sure you wanna know?"

Mallory, Nia, and Dawn all said, "Uh oh."

Mallory explained, "That’s what she says when you're not going to like her answer."

They were right. I did check, but this was a little different. "No, he'll be ok with the answer." I looked at him, "Are you ok with me answering?" I raised my eyebrows hoping he'd understand.

At first, he stayed looking confused. I saw when figured it out, "You tell me. I trust you."

I nodded, "They're fine." With my peripheral vision I saw my friends looking at each other. I looked at them, "The question was if he trusted the answer wouldn't show up on the internet later."

Mallory raised her eyebrows and nodded. Dawn opened her mouth. Nia rolled her eyes, "Oh, yeah, no, we're not the gossipy ones. That's Cindy."

Mallory added, "And the Barbie Bitches. We know both her last names."

I laughed because that was a good marker. Very few people knew more than the basic Eddie as a family friend story.

Sebastian picked up my hand and kissed it, "Are you going to tell me I don't need to feel needed?"

I screwed up my face and bobbed my head back and forth. "It's not first. You need acceptance. If feeling needed was your primary you'd feel like a failure too much."

"How so?"

I started collecting empty food containers and garbage to take the intensity away from the conversation. “It’s hard to feel needed when you’re away working so much. Time zones and I doubt you can stop in the middle of a fight scene with Iron Man to answer your phone. Acceptance makes it ok to not be readily available and lets you feel needed. Even if it’s later.” I stood up, running my fingers through his hair as I walked to the garbage can, “And acceptance in general.”

I heard Dawn’s voice behind me, “Again, doesn’t everyone need acceptance?”

Nia and I said, “No.”

Everyone laughed. I returned to my seat, leaving my hand on the back of Sebastian’s neck. “Some people thrive off not being accepted. Or use their unacceptable behavior as a test for being accepted.”

“Those people are the worst.” Nia shuddered and stood up. “I’ve got to get back to work. So much left to pack up.”

Everyone else stood up, agreeing with her. Dawn stopped at looked at Sebastian, “Is she right? What you need?”

He smiled, “Yes.”

**********

Happy Holidays! It's been a difficult year for a lot people and I hope wherever you are and whoever you're with is bringing you some joy and peace. Every comment and like has been appreciated and been a bright spot in a tumultuous year. I hope I've given you some distraction, some happy good feelings, and made your room heat up a little. Thanks to you all, Lisa

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #fanfiction #sebastian stan X ofc #marvel actor fanfiction

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jeanvaljean24601 · 5 years ago

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Black Monday's Producers Explain Why Confessed and Went to Prison in Season 2 Finale

If you stuck with the joyously demented carnival that is Showtime's Black Monday for all of Season 2, you know it took bonkers to new heights, even for a show that was pretty bonkers to begin with. By the time it was done, we'd seen a half-dead man sing a song through a computer; an epic shoot-out that looked like something out of Rambo; the precursor to the modern-day dick pic via a Xerox'd willy; and a whimsical musical number inside a white-collar prison that celebrated the joys of wealthy white privilege. Yes, the jokes, set pieces, and gags in Season 2 of Black Monday were a lot, in the gleeful, "I can't believe they just did that" way that makes the enjoyably absurdist romp unlike anything else on TV. Season 2 also juggled a dizzying number of overlapping storylines involving financial jargon and backstabbing schemes, with Mo (Don Cheadle), Dawn (Regina Hall), Blair (Andrew Rannells), Tiff Georgina (Casey Wilson) and Keith (Paul Scheer) tangled up in crisscrossing tales of revenge and oneupmanship. At the conclusion of its 10 episodes, we'd seen Mo try to do something right for a change, the once-innocent Blair turn dark, Keith cozy up to the Lehmann brothers, and Dawn land in prison after confessing that she was the one who engineered the Black Monday crash that kickstarted the series. Even if the intricacies of every story turn became a little head-scratching at times, the overall movements made Season 2 like a wild, intoxicating ping-pong match that ultimately finished with Dawn in the clink and Mo back at square one. Why did Dawn tell on herself? And what might a Season 3 look like if the Showtime gods smile on us? Executive producers Jordan Cahan and David Caspe talked with TV Guide about how the madcap season came to be, some of their favorite moments, and what they're thinking about next. There was so much happening inside this season; how'd you map out what you wanted to have happen? Jordan Cahan: Well, that's funny, because I was thinking before this call, as comedy people, it's rare that we get to go story first. Usually, it's like, what jokes, what is a funny set piece. But it's good to go story first, and that was what so fun about the season. We really did talk about where we wanted the characters to end up. What is the final frame of each character? Where are they? And then the real question was, how do we get them there in a way where we're juggling all the characters but where you can't get so cleanly ahead. So that it feels like a drama where the journey is exciting and unexpected, but hopefully at the end, it all feels like it makes sense. We're not used to doing that for comedy. I think the fun of that was looking at a board and bringing out where the characters' peaks and valleys were and how we could get them to all interact. David Caspe: I think the end game that we were excited about was Regina [Dawn]. The room as a whole got to a place where they're like, "Okay, the most interesting thing is that a Black woman is responsible for [Black Monday] which was actually a brilliant trade, but also something very illegal. There's such an interesting dichotomy of wanting the credit or something that also would take you down, but being so frustrated over the course of the season that you're not getting the credit you deserve, that in the end, she basically turned herself in to get the credit more than anything. We had where everyone begins and we had where Regina ends and we had to figure everything else out. Black Monday Wasn't Conceived with Black Leads, but It's All the Better for ItOne of the things that stood out to me was the feminist theme of the season. You have Dawn in charge of a mostly female firm at the start, and then this subplot where Wayne (Horatio Sanz) is this incel character determined to punish women. Was Season 2 intended to be an overtly feminist statement? Caspe: I think every character we have is, for lack of a better word, not a straight white man. Looking at how they have to navigate today through the lens of the '80s is really been what the show is about a little bit and I think inevitably women are a big part of that. The Just for Men thing from Wayne was very much about a lot of men's reactions to like, the female Ghostbusters and stuff like that just felt insanely ridiculous to us. It just felt natural that if we've got this woman who was the mastermind behind Black Monday, she would break the glass ceiling and start this all-female firm, but inevitably you're gonna have one of these sort of incel type-men who reacts in this misogynist way. You see it constantly now, as a reaction to the Time's Up movement. They always frame it as like, "I'm a men's rights activist," which, you know, straight white men don't need activists. They've done just fine. So a lot of the story is, "How did we get to the end game?" We really wanted all the characters and stories to be very interconnected. You've talked before about how your writers' room is mostly people of color and/or women — and you had that in place before the new push for more inclusivity behind the scenes. Do you feel like you were ahead of the curve there? Cahan: Saying it's a mandate is sh---y. For us, it's always been our absolute desire to have the most diverse rooms as humanly possible. I've never worked any other way and I won't. Yes, it happens to fit this show hand in glove, but I just think it's the way shows should be made. Caspe: And it's also selfish, frankly, in that you get a better show that way...the more perspectives you get and voices you get in the room [you get] more variety of hilarious jokes and experiences that inspire storylines.

Cahan: I can think of two or three storylines that I would be really afraid to touch, that would be like third rails, and the room was so encouraging going in that direction. Ultimately, you want them to lead you. Not only did it end up educating me, but I think it makes the show richer. Dawn borrowing from what is essentially the United Negro College Fund. Stories like that where it's like "Do we really want to do this?" and then having the room get so excited, to put that character in such a difficult moral pose

Caspe: And the story itself is just not one that I would think of. The relationship between Dawn and her mother is informed by Black women in the room. I wouldn't have come up with the nuanced, intelligent version; I would come up with like, an outsider looking in assumption of it rather than something that felt authentic. A lot of [Blair's] story was inspired by people that went through similar things of what it means to be gay in a religion that doesn't accept it. That's not my story to tell; I also don't know it, because I haven't been inside it. Let's talk about the brilliant song "White Collar," Keith sings in Episode 5. How'd that come to be? Cahan: We knew we wanted to [take on] Club Fed because it was such an '80s anomaly. And it was so weirdly written about in the '90s as like, "Can you believe this happened?" It felt almost like a Simpsons-style step out where all of a sudden you're seeing things...it felt like a fun, silver bullet way to describe what you're seeing in these prisons but in the same way but a silly, fun thing that stretches the limits of credibility where we didn't know if we could pull it off and still feel like you're in the real world. Caspe: It was very inspired by the Simpsons musical numbers. Cahan: It was "See My Vest" from The Simpsons. It was Maison Derrière Simpsons. We probably pulled the rubber band back as far as we could with that one. In that vein, the visual gags and set pieces in Season 2 went to a new level — the bank shootout, in Episode 3 ("The Idiot Inside") for example, the most over-the-top. What were your favorites of the season?

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Cahan: I would say the things that got me excited are on two ends of the spectrum. And I'm sure Dave's would be different but on one end, the bank is as ambitious anything we've ever done. I mean, the idea of not just making it a little music video or alluding to it, but actually playing it, and really destroying that bank digitally and physically, having to do a lot of practical effects and plotting that whole thing out. We had never done an episode that didn't have a B-story. So we have never done an episode that didn't cut away to the other characters. So it was very much like writing a play, but a play that could get explosive very quickly. I can't tell you how much fun it was for somebody who grew up with '80s action movies and loves them so dearly, to be able to do that. And then weirdly, on the complete other side of that, I would say the very next episode, which was on purpose, was the country club episode. We wanted it to feel zany and goofy, almost like a Three's Company episode in the same way that our bank episode feels like a Miami Vice or something like that. The country club episode deals with race and class and sexuality and religion; we really wanted that to feel like a farce. And I think I think we got really lucky with our writers, directors. I really love the way the show can go from one complete extreme to the other. It sure seems like Mo is full-on in love with Dawn, but he just can't seem to get over himself. What's up with their dynamic and why he's so reluctant to be vulnerable with her?Caspe: I think this season he was a victim of circumstance, which was like sort of the most tragic [part]. Usually, in the past it's been his own ego and his own lack of vulnerability that has [messed things] up with her, you know, I think this season, he was getting on that plane. He was going to disappear forever. Now granted, he had just completely f---ed her over, but he was completely f---ed over by her Black Monday. She did steal his entire company and basically took all his money. So he was pissed. And he did his one last piece of revenge to screw up her bank deal. And then he got on that plane and was leaving. When the FBI caught up to him, they forced him back to help them find who was responsible for Black Monday. And in that respect, he was trying to keep Dawn out of it, and he was genuinely trying to steer them towards Blair and saved Dawn.

He just kind of wasn't able to. But he really was trying to do the right thing by her. I also think we were trying to look at [how] there's still sexism within races or cultures. When you flashback to him, he genuinely looked at it as like, I'm the one who got the seed money, I'm the one who got on the [Wall Street] floor. Like I think it never occurred to him that Dawn would have been his partner. Mo has some sexism [about him] too. Discover your new favorite show: Watch This Now!But, he's willing to take the rap for her. I read that as a sign of his deep abiding love for her, and I reading that wrong? Cahan: No, you got that. He literally says, "I'm going to be the tragic hero." He's trying to display that he's changed. At the end he runs into Keith and Keith is basically telling him "You are going to go away for life." And Mo continues on. He goes to the FBI and he confesses, he's willing to do the sacrificial thing. Where are you thinking about for Season 3, if you get renewed?Caspe: Maybe the '90s. It's almost '89 by the end of Season 2, so there's something interesting about 1990, or even jumping ahead.

Cahan: I'm really excited by where the four chess pieces are. We really wanted to position them in these exciting places. Season 2 starts with Blair making a deal with Tiff and they have this understanding, and they're going to help each other. And by the end of the season, you can see she's kind of terrified of him, and how far he'll go for power. And we get a glimpse into his background and know that when his back is against the wall, he's not afraid to push back all the way to protect himself. Now I'm like, "Oh, God how bad is this going to get?" I think for Mo, it hinges on a little be careful what you wish for. Now he's inadvertently got the immunity he's always wanted. All of his old transgressions are wiped away.android tv box

He's a new man. He can start again clean, but the question is at what cost? For Dawn, we were very careful to not mention how long she'd been put away or how deep of trouble she's in. But clearly it's a very serious crime. We've painted ourselves into a corner of how could that possibly work? And then for Keith it's another be careful what you wish for [situation]. He's finally found someone who really appreciates him. But there's a bit of a Single White Female relationship. I feel like if Season 1, we painted ourselves into a corner, I think Season 2, it would be even more fun to watch how these four people, who seem to not be able to get out of each other's way, and their lives would continue.h96 tv box

Last question is, in the final moments, we see Lenny, that poor twin who's just come back from the brink of death, being attacked by a wolf after being left in the woods by his brother. The guy can't catch a break. Is he dead, or just in bad shape again?Caspe: I think it would be the same thing as Season 1. So if he died again at the end of Season 2, if you're a betting man I would bet on Lenny's triumphant return at some point in Season 3 if we get it, probably even more mangled than he was at the end of Season 1. In classic '80s villain.

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oberlincollegelibraries · 5 years ago

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Sunday Edition: Staff Recommendations

We can’t believe the semester is almost over already! Soon Obies can focus on resting and relaxing instead of testing and studying. To help our favorite students unwind over winter shutdown, we are focusing this week’s Sunday edition on recommended reading from the OCL staff. Some of the books are not available at OCL, but many are! Those items will be on display in Azariah’s Cafe this week until winter term, so stop by to pick up your vacation read!

Megan from Public Services recommends A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles

Megan: “I was blown away by the the writing, the story, and the characters. So much goes on behind the scenes in public spaces and in people's interior lives.”

Patty from Discovery and Metadata Services recommends The Moth Presents Occasional Magic by Catherine Burns.

Patty: “This book is based on a series of live performances. The tapes of those performances were turned into a podcast and then some of the best stories are presented in this book. It is a wonderful look at humanity - all the best and sometimes the worst but always touching.”

Patty from Discovery and Metadata Services also recommends Normal People by Sally Rooney

Patty: “This is a book that not just entertains, it makes you think about relationships and life. Ms. Rooney is a new voice in the book world and I hope we have many more novels from her in the future.”

Anne from Archives recommends Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott.

Anne: “Humorous and encouraging about the art of writing and enjoying life.”

Faith from the Conservatory Library recommends On the Clock: What Low-Wage Work Did to Me and How It Drives America Insane by Emily Guendelsberger.

Faith: “Loved this book by Oberlin Alum and former Library student assistant Emily Guendelsberger. The author worked a series of low paying jobs and writes about what it really is like to work at Amazon, a call center, and a McDonald's. Her descriptions of the jobs and her co-workers captivated me. It is also a very sad look at what the working poor have to deal with in this country. Emily also has a wicked sense of humor, so that added to the charm.”

Alexia in Administration recommends Leading the Race: the Transformation of the Black Elite in the Nation's Capital, 1880-1920 by Jacqueline M. Moore.

Alexia: “ Mary Church Terrell is a seminal figure in this book.”

Alexia in Administration also recommends Kindred by Octavia E. Butler

Alexia: “ Outstanding science fiction that makes one grappling with the lasting impact of slavery on our cultural consciousness and psyche.”

Alexia in Administration also recommends The Library Book by Susan Orlean.

Alexia: “ Excellent ‘love letter; to libraries written by a NYT best seller author and Shaker Heights, Ohio native “

Alexia in Administration also recommends Never Caught: the Washingtons' Relentless Pursuit of Their Runaway Slave, Ona Judge by Erica Armstrong Dunbar.Alexia: “ Excellent hidden history about slavery resistance against the highest office in the US.”

Alexia in Administration also recommends Historians on Hamilton: How a Blockbuster Musical is Restaging America's Pasedited by Renee C. Romano and Claire Bond Pottert

Alexia: “Great compilation of essays on the complicated character of Hamilton and how the musical has re-branded the history of this important American figure.”

Sara from Discovery and Metadata Services recommends The Secret Life of Violet Grant by Beatriz Williams.

Sara: “ I really enjoy the language style/word choices of this author. The books are hard sometimes to get started in, but always finish well. This book is the 3rd in the Schuyler Sister trilogy, but a good one to start with. Then go back and read Tiny Little Thing and Along the Infinite Sea. All of her books so far have been amazing! “

Sarah in Administration recommends The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin.

Sarah: “The first in a trilogy, this Hugo award winning book tells a unique post-apocalyptic story of the end of the world. Told from the triptych perspective of a powerful female lead, it explores the fundamental human questions of what connections bind us together and what hatred can tear us apart. Great world building, relevant themes, compelling characters. An interesting and engaging read!”

Lindsey from Discovery and Metadata Services recommends So Pretty / Very Rotten: Comics and Essays on Lolita Fashion and Cute Culture by Jane Mai and An Nguyen.

Lindsey: “You don't have to dress Lolita to enjoy this glimpse into the world of the Japanese street fashion. It explores both the history of Lolita, as well as the authors' own experiences within the subculture, and is littered with adorable illustrations.”

Alonso in Reference and Instruction recommends The Things I Would Tell You: British Muslim Women Write, edited by Sabrina Mahfouz

Alonso: “ Although the focus is not necessarily American, the stories are still relevant to Muslim women globally while also using this medium in order to challenge stereotypes the general public may have of marginalized communities, particularly Muslim women. “

Gena from Special Collections and Preservation recommends Let's Pretend This Never Happened, by Jenny Lawson.

Gena: “It's hilarious, improbable, and mostly true.”

Tim from Discovery and Metadata Services recommends Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlin Doughty

Tim: “It's funny, morbid, frank and details exactly what’s wrong with modern death denial and an overview of the history of death rituals and practices from around the world. She also has a good Youtube channel.”

Tim from Discovery and Metadata Services also recommends I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies): True Tales of a Loudmouth Girl by Laurie Notaro.

Tim: “It's a quick and hilarious read.”

Ashley from Acquisitions, E-Resources & Serials recommends Dealing with Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede.

Ashley: “It's a good story about a princess determining her own future, rather than one that was dictated for her. Light, and comedic, it turns a lot of fairy tale tropes on their head.”

Ed from Special Collections and Preservation recommends The Totally Unscientific Study of the Search for Human Happiness by Paula Poundstone.

Ed: “Just read this myself. Light reading for sure and who doesn't need a break from politics? Poundstone's humor does not attack out, she's never really mean or angry. Instead she mines her own personal life for comedy, but in the process makes timely broader points about absurdities in our society (that I think we can all relate to). In addition to being self-deprecating, revealing and funny, Poundstone's a female comic in an overwhelmingly male occupation. She hardly spares a thought for that in the book though; it simply feels like she's going about her career with her own hard working style, and has never let herself be pigeon-holed as a female comic. She's slightly famous, but not wealthy, and even though she struggles at times, she's fundamentally a strong and decent person, a mom raising a family and house full of rescued pets on her own. I can hear her raspy sarcastic voice all through the narrative, and I really enjoyed getting to know her in her regular - but still quirky - private life.”

Crystal from Conservatory Special Collections recommends Do Not Sell at Any Price: the Wild, Obsessive Hunt for the World's Rarest 78 RPM Records by Amanda Petrusich.

Crystal:��“This book is a fascinating account of record collectors who specialize in early blues and jazz 78rpm recordings. Petrusich, a music journalist and staff writer for the New Yorker, writes with both empathy and an outsider’s perspective, making her the perfect guide to this weird, esoteric, and mostly-all-male world that is preserving (shaping? fetishizing?) an important part of music history. “

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poppytheorist · 6 years ago

Text

Me Laughing

must’ve been one hell of a joke

Preamble

So, I was in the middle of writing a piece on [redacted] when Poppy released a 27-minute video of herself laughing. Naturally, that took priority. Sorry for my absence, this post took some time. And by “some time,” I mean “45 hours.”

This may be the best thing I’ve written, but it’s also the most insane thing I’ve written. In fact, I would label this post as ‘maddening.’ It’s possible you won’t be able to look at Poppy the same way again. I know I don’t. You can’t unread this, readers beware, [other dramatic warnings], etc., etc.

Descend when ready.

…

I thought “Concrete” was pretty #wild, but “Me Laughing” takes the cake. This video is pure lunacy, and I mean that somewhat literally since Poppy does laugh at what appears to be nothing for almost half an hour.

Due to the sheer insanity of “Me Laughing,” I’ve put together a handy little collage to help readers follow along. Behold: my barely passable Paint skills!

the pic for Section 4 basically explains everything

Before we begin, I need to address a few things. There’s at least, like, nine people who read this stuff, and while I can’t say that I envy you, I can say that I appreciate you. Thanks for sticking around.

However, there’s a funny thing that happens when you know you’re writing for an audience. You feel pressured to adapt your style. I feel the need to be a little more careful about some of the things I say, but that’s probably for the best. Hopefully this extra care will result in more coherent posts, but I doubt it.

This post will be long. Partially because “Me Laughing” is long, partially because I’ve padded this out with shaky theory about how the world works. Guess that’s no different than my other posts, but still, feel free to tune that out if you’re just here for the Poppy stuff, though maybe you’ll find some of it interesting.

I tend to write authoritatively, which may be misleading because I’m not always confident about what I’m saying. I simply enjoy taking things to their natural conclusions. Typically, there’s something interesting at the end. Or, at least, a premise insane enough to make writing about it enjoyable. See, for example, my post on “Concrete.” This post won’t be much different, maybe just a little crazier.

Now, I’ve got a funny feeling that some people may think I am “reading too much into this” or that Poppy’s work “isn’t that deep.” Hey, I get it. Those objections are completely understandable. I was once there myself, but now I’ve moved away from thinking that way. I’ll do my best to explain why.

From what I’ve seen, aesthetics (roughly: the study of art) is a total battlefield. Nobody agrees on anything, everybody thinks that only they can ‘properly’ understand art and that everyone else is wrong. There’s people who think beauty is objective, there’s people who think “no, that’s stupid, beauty is obviously subjective,” and there’s even the people who outright deny that aesthetics exists. Recently, we also had the pleasure of witnessing the aesthetics debate become another facet of the everlasting culture war. Think a line from “Play Destroy” sums my thoughts about that up: “oh boy!”

Needless to say, it’s a massive shitshow.

Despite my rather war-torn depiction of modern aesthetics, it might be a good thing that we can never ‘understand’ art. I hear that’s, like, part of the point. If art was ever ‘solved,’ well, we’d be faced with the idea that there is nothing ‘special’ about being human, that we’re just sacks of meat bumbling around with no purpose. Then everybody would, like, die or something. Truth hurts, art heals, let’s stay alive.

Anywho, I mention all this because there’s no rigorous way to determine how ‘deep’ a song (or any piece of art) is. You can’t just take a stick, poke it into some art, and say: “yep, this Poppy song is 75 [metres/fathoms/hands/whatever nonsense unit] deep!” Besides, nobody even agrees what ‘artistic depth’ means, and most attempts to define it flounder. If you listen closely, you can just faintly hear Goodhart laughing.

This is also why people who think they can ‘objectively’ analyze art are dogmatic blowhards. Any amount of rigorous thinking reveals that our standards for what make art ‘good’ or ‘bad’ are entirely baseless. No, seriously, it’s a case of channeling your inner Socrates and repeatedly asking ‘why’ until the other person throws their up their arms, leaves, and stops answering your texts.

We don’t even know what art is, so thinking you can ‘understand’ art and judge its ‘depth’ is pure arrogance. At least, until someone finds a way to math that shit. “Sounds solipsism.” Well, ya gotta start somewhere.

Now, does this mean we should also throw up our arms, say: “screw it” and return to binging Netflix and eating foods that you know aren’t good for you but you eat them anyways because they make you feel good and that’s what you need right now? Well, no, actually.

Even if we aren’t 100% sure what art is, or what we should do with it, there are some theories on art that I would call: “pretty not-terrible.” Some people have spent their entire lives thinking about these things and their insights are fascinating. However, I’m not here to talk theory. If you want to learn more, go pick up a book or something, nerd.

Anyway, one time this German guy said: “without music, life would be a mistake.” He also said that looking at things from multiple perspectives is pretty neat, so that’s what we’re here to do. Turns out art is kinda fun and spending a bit more time thinking about it pays dividends.

See, art just wants to be understood and so does Poppy. I want to give her and Titanic the benefit of the doubt and take them seriously as artists. While I don’t think everything they produce is God’s gift to earth (see: [redacted]), I do enjoy the majority of their work. Plus, the abstract and absurd nature of their content means writing about it is a blast.

Whether I truly believe any of the interpretations I come up with is irrelevant. Hell, I’m not even sure half of what I say even remotely resembles what Poppy and Titanic envisioned. But, that’s not the point. Shallow readings are a dime-a-dozen, see: Genius; I’m here to provide something better. To show that Poppy’s work, or any art, really, can be a whole lot more fun if you spend even just a teensy bit of time analyzing it. Hopefully I can also provide some of the tools to do so.

Enough rambling, let’s get into it.

Intro

At first glance, “Me Laughing” seems like Poppy doing cute ASMR for 27(!!) minutes while simultaneously trolling anyone who expected a video titled “Me Laughing” to be about anything different. Sure, but that reading gets a ‘B’ for ‘Basic.’

Yes, Poppy and Titanic often troll their audience. See: “A live Interview with Poppy.” But the trolling is both part of the delivery of their message and part of the message itself. So while “Me Laughing” looks like a simple ASMR troll video, I’m going to argue that it’s not.

Previously, Poppy released videos like “Delete Your Facebook” and “I’m Poppy.” Fun vids, but they’re made of looped clips. Thirty seconds in and you’ve watched the whole thing. Consider: “Me Laughing” is 27 minutes, but no parts are looped, it’s all original. As always, I’m just here to ask: why?

Since “Me Laughing” is not made up of looped clips, but is instead all original content, there is an inherent progression to the events. Each segment is unique, and when considered sequentially, pieces from each section build on each other to produce an artistic whole.

Yes, that’s a fancy way of saying it has a ‘story.’

Also, if you’ve watched the video, you’ll know that something just feels ‘off.’ If “Me Laughing” was ‘just’ Poppy ASMR, why does she constantly focus on a single point in the distance? What’s with Poppy’s frequent stares into the camera? And why the fuck is she wearing latex?

Clearly, something else is going on.

Detailed Summary

Let’s recall what actually happens in “Me Laughing.” Hopefully this recap will convey a sense of what ‘else’ exactly is going on and make the insane claims later on in the analysis a tad easier to swallow.

“Me Laughing” starts off pretty normally. Sections 1 and 2 are mostly Poppy laughing, as promised. Even in these early sections, however, we can still pick out some peculiar things.

In Section 1, and throughout the video, we see Poppy looking upwards as she laughs, as if she was remembering something funny that happened. Or as if she was thinking about something for a while and suddenly found it hilarious. “Maybe Poppy just looks upward when she laughs.” Doubtful. Try doing it right now. Feels weird, right? Whatever, moving on…

Next oddity: there’s a strange transitioning shot at the start of the video and between Sections 1 and 2 where the camera sweeps over Poppy’s latex-ed body. “Well, maybe Titanic just thought it would be cool to do it like that.” Yes, but why did he think it would be cool? Why that transitioning shot, out of all the possible ones? What purpose does it serve?

Also: Section 1 was a very steady shot, probably filmed using a tripod, or whatever fancy word camera-people use. However, the shot for Section 2 is shaky. Like, weirdly shaky. Maybe even too shaky. And this isn’t the only section filmed this way, half of “Me Laughing” is too. “Well, maybe Titanic can’t hold a camera steady.” No, that doesn’t seem right. We know Titanic can, in fact, hold a camera steady, or, at the very least, he possesses the means to take a steady shot. See: literally all Poppy videos. No, the shaky-cam is intentional. Again, I’m just here to ask: why?

Now, I don’t mean to tip my hand too much here, but to me, the camera’s sway resembles the unsteady gaze of a curious observer. Perhaps one who is timidly stepping around the beheld, drinking in all the angles. Recall my post on “Touch Poppy.” With steady camera shots, it’s easy to forget someone is on the other side, but with unsteady shots, it’s downright impossible to ignore, e.g., “wow, that shaky-cam is really noticeable. What is this, a shitty sequel to the Blair Witch Project?” Perhaps these sections were filmed this way to emphasize the presence of an observer. As for why such a thing would be emphasized—well, we’ll get to that.

Around the 3:30 mark, Poppy shakes her head and clearly utters a, “m-mm,” as in, “nuh-uh, no way.” This gesture is repeated throughout the video. I’ll let you think about that one.

The video continues, and at 3:52 the camera lazily pans down, focusing on Poppy’s body and cutting her head out of the shot for several seconds, similar to the transition shot from Section 1 to 2. Thirty seconds later, the same thing happens. Guess this isn’t just Titanic diversifying the shot composition. It’s also about this point where attempts to pass “Me Laughing” off as anything resembling a ‘normal’ video start to fall apart.

Poppy’s sitting position in Section 3 is both clever and hilarious. It shows her whole get-up, highlighting how absurdly tall her platform shoes are. She also flip-flops her feet back and forth several times as if to further emphasize her mega-shoes. Why would she wear such crazy shoes for a simple video of herself laughing?

That’s not all that’s ‘off’ about Section 3—this is also the first section where Poppy stares at a spot in the distance for a prolonged period of time. In several instances, she quizzically tilts her head to the side, not unlike a faithful dog trying to decipher commands from her master. At 6:23 we also get a clear “huh,” a noise of acknowledgement, of understanding. Further, Section 3 has several stretches of silence where Poppy is no longer laughing. She just sits there while you watch. It’s… unsettling.

Section 4 is shot in a similarly shaky-style to Section 2, but this time with Poppy sitting down. Also, we see instances of Poppy focusing on something off in the distance both when she is laughing and when she is not, as was the case in the previous sections. However, there are some weird things about Section 4 that set it apart from the others and further develop the video.

Around the 8:38 mark, Poppy utters a “mm-mm-mm” sound while shaking her head and staring off into the distance. It’s fairly clear that she is communicating with something off-screen. Perhaps entities that are invisible to us. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say these off-screen entities are the things making her laugh.

We will see more evidence of Poppy supposedly communicating with invisible beings later, however, this is bordering on fetishizing Poppy’s lore as opposed to analyzing her artistic message. If you’re half-learned on Poppy lore (which, you better be, considering the fact that you’re reading this), this would be like focusing on the identity of ‘They’ instead of the significance of ‘They.’ Another example would be focusing on the ‘origin’ of Poppy, e.g., is she an android? Who is her creator? Etc., instead of asking why someone would create the artistic work of Poppy in the first place and/or considering the implications of said work.

If you’ve read anything else I’ve written, perhaps you’ve noticed that I try and stay away from acknowledging that Poppy even has lore. I want to take Poppy seriously, not literally. Or, in “pretentious asshole” terms, to consider her work artistically, not canonically. There are many reasons for this and I didn’t just get here randomly overnight, but that’s for another post.

Edgy ranting aside, there’s another part of Section 4 that I’d like to point out. Before this section, there was only a single instance of Poppy looking into the camera (happened in Section 2), but in Section 4, she frequently looks into the lens, acknowledging that an observer is present. She shoots this observer a flurry of dark and mischievous glances. Then she laughs.

Section 5 features more head shaking, distant staring, etc., but it is also a relatively sad section. Poppy laughs very little, and frequently looks down. Yes, a pun. Poppy has been laughing for most of the video, so why, all of a sudden, does she seem so sad?

Section 6 is shot shakily and close-up. I mean, really close-up. Like, right-in-her-face close-up. To the point where the camera is often out of focus. We’re also given a blatantly voyeuristic sweep over Poppy’s chest as the camera shifts position around her. Further, there are several instances where Poppy looks deep into the camera, with what I refer to as a “model pout,” where she slightly parts her lips and opens her eyes wide. Recall my post on “Computer Boy” where I talked about the fan-idol relationship. That lustful look? It’s for you, except everybody knows it’s not.

Quick note: I will elaborate on this when I talk about “You’re Too Close,” but it’s important to stay mindful and know that despite some uncomfortably voyeuristic shots in “Me Laughing,” it doesn’t necessarily mean that the video, or anyone who worked on it, is, y’know, perverted or something. Depicting the voyeuristic nature of idolism is how we talk about the voyeuristic nature of idolism, the same way that depicting racism is how we talk about racism.

The problem is that nowadays, we are trained to think quickly, not critically. Your initial response (also called your ‘knee-jerk’ response) to Poppy’s work shouldn’t be your final response to it. It’s important to consider context and think carefully. Ask yourself: why would Poppy choose to show you this? What does she want you to think about? What is she trying to tell you?

Section 7 is where things start to get really fucking weird.

Previously, I said that there was something darker lurking in “Me Laughing,” and Section 7 is where this darkness begins to manifest. The segment starts with Poppy having another one of her imaginary conversations with demons or whatever where she nods her head and gives some “mm-hmms” in agreement. Shortly after, she looks right at the camera and laughs in your face. Not only is her laugh absolutely maniacal, but it seems completely sincere too. This section really relates the feeling that you are not in on the ‘joke’—maybe the joke’s about you.

Section 7 also provides a sense of violent foreboding: a creeping feeling that something is going to happen to you, but you don’t know what that ‘something’ is, and you have absolutely no power to stop it. What really drives this sense of helplessness home is the way the scene is shot. At one point, the camera spends a few seconds just looking at Poppy’s hand. This emphasizes your lack of control. You are completely at the mercy of the camera’s whims. You only see what is shown to you. Then, as the scene closes, the camera is put down in front of Poppy, and, after a few tense seconds, she slowly reorients her body and starts crawling towards you. Luckily, the camera is picked up before she reaches it—you were saved, but what if you hadn’t been?

Oh, right, I forgot to mention: Poppy didn’t laugh much in this section.

Section 8 is a more amped-up version of Section 6. We get Poppy staring deep into the camera for almost the entire scene’s duration. Her lustful gaze relates a feeling of vulnerability, like you are spying on a defenseless little girl, but at the same time, it feels like she is giving you one last dose of what you want before she brutally murders you.

Section 9 is fairly straightforward. We have Poppy staring at a fixed point in the distance as if she is receiving orders from her alien overlord. We also get several rapid glances toward the camera, as if her orders somehow involve you, or as if she and someone else are sharing gossip about you right in front of your face.

…

…And then Section 10 happens.

Poppy says: “goodbye.”

In Section 10 we have a bit of a climax. No, not that kind of climax. Well, unless this essay is really doing it for you.

The first interpretation of Section 10 is fairly basic, Poppy is waving goodbye because you’re about to die. Obviously, whatever scheme she and her invisible monster friends cooked up is going to be carried out, and it’s probably going to result in the destruction of everything, yourself included. This is sad, probably, but she seems to find it highly amusing. Again, I’m not a fan of obsessing over canon or lore, so I’ll tackle this one slightly differently in the analysis, but I do think this reading of “Me Laughing” is at least semi-faithful to Poppy and Titanic’s vision. This interpretation also serves as a very nice teaser for P3. I mean, if “Do you disagree?” has told us anything, P3 will have a lot of destroying.

The next reading of Section 10 involves the objectifying nature of idolism. Yes, the $5 words are starting to come out, brace yourself. Anyway, in this section, Poppy giggles as she waggles her hands around, back and forth then forth and back, as though she is using her hands for the first time. Almost like a shiny, new automaton discovering its motor functions. It’s cute, but silly. And by silly, I mean overly silly. You have to remember that Poppy is played by a woman in her mid-20s. Reminds me of some lines from “Hard Feelings”: “my arms and my legs are so stiff / Is that the way you wanted it?” Or, rather, is this how you want her to act?

At the end of the section, the camera moves right up to Poppy’s face and she looks at you and just… stares.

…

And stares…

…

And stares…

…

She knows.

Finally, we get to Section 11, which would be my main argument against the totally boring ‘Poppy communicating with demons’ reading. Poppy is seated, again, with her arms wrapped around her thighs. Note again the sense of her smallness and vulnerability transmitted by her sitting position. Also note the way the shot is filmed, with the camera looking down on Poppy and frequently swooping in for close passes.

And then, in the last two seconds, something really bizarre happens. For a brief moment, some foreign object enters the shot, just in the very corner. Now, I’m about to make a weird argument, be wary of it. Other than the random piece of equipment entering the shot, “Me Laughing” does not end off on a noteworthy moment. Just Poppy sitting there, looking up at the camera. Plenty of instances of that. The video could have easily been trimmed by 2 seconds and nothing would have changed. We can also (probably) assume that somebody carefully reviewed this video before it was uploaded.

We’re left the possibility that those last two seconds were left in the video for a reason. And that reason is—

Hey, wait a minute, was that a mirror?

Analysis

“Me Laughing” is a really interesting video, and you can have a lot of fun if you spend some time looking into it, so that’s exactly what we’re going to do. We’ll tackle it from several different angles, watch for the switches.

Quick words of warning here: I’m about to use the words ‘parody,’ ‘satire,’ and ‘sarcasm’ interchangeably, a practice some would refer to as: “really fucking lazy.” Frankly, I don’t give a damn, I’m not a professional, I’m going to type my silly words anyway and you can’t stop me.

As content loses any sense of shame in attempting to draw your attention, nuance withers away and it becomes harder and harder to differentiate parody from parodied. For example, is “Old Town Road” criticizing the state of the music industry or embracing it? Now, I’m positive that Lil Nas X has the self-awareness of my pug when he’s lapping up his own boogers, yet I personally couldn’t write a song that so perfectly encapsulates everything wrong with modern music. So, is “Old Town Road” a parody or not?

This is where someone ripping off Westworld would say: “if you can’t tell, does it matter?” to which I would answer: “yes, yes it does.”

Context may be fleeting, unreliable, and arguably nonexistent, but I still believe it’s possible to differentiate parody from parodied, it just takes a little more effort. See, I think “Me Laughing” is satirical as hell, especially considering its context within Poppy’s body of work and how it compares to mainstream internet content.

First, consider that the frankly-titled video “Me Laughing” was hyped up for three days before it ‘premiered’ on YouTube. Hilarious, but also incisive. Who waits three days to see someone laugh? “Well, I did.” Ah.

The sarcastic nature of the video also shines through in the description, which reads: “A motion picture starring Poppy.” There’s a tired, yet necessary, statement here on the continuing degradation of internet content. What won’t people eat up?

We all know Poppy’s no stranger to sarcasm. See: “Bleach Blonde Baby” or “Poppy loves Politics.” She will often refer to her videos as “high quality internet content,” while uploading videos of herself eating cotton candy or ‘ooo-ing’ at things. With “Me Laughing,” a video where she laughs for 27 minutes, Poppy further questions where the line is regarding what content people will happily consume.

Fun story: I’ve seen people call “Me Laughing” ASMR. In fact, I think I did, at some point. Huh, I should probably change that. This isn’t totally wrong, but know that “Me Laughing” takes so many shots at ASMR you’d think the video shared a set with Sicario. And, if that’s the case, they could have saved some money and just filmed the video in my neighborhood haha… hah… ha… (seriously though I’m in danger)

Considering “Me Laughing” as a genuine ASMR video would obviously be antithetical to Poppy’s entire body of work. Recall lyrics like: “Poppy is an object.” No, “Me Laughing” is much more than simply Poppy recording cute ASMR.

Poppy has been questioning the nature of people’s ASMR obsession since her first YouTube video, “Poppy Eats Cotton Candy,” where she had the mic uncomfortably close to her throat so her little gulps and coos were clearly audible. What leads to people wanting to hear these things?

Zoom out: many of Poppy’s videos are about obsession. Forget that and the point will fly right over your head. Let’s now reframe the question: why would people want to hear such intimate sounds from Poppy? Answer that and “Me Laughing” will make a lot more sense.

What I’m about to say next will be very dense because it will outline the thesis of a large part of Poppy’s work. Sorry, hopefully it’s still readable. I’m still developing my interpretations of her work, and I promise to expand and explain them more in the future.

I’m also sure some fans will want to stab me in the neck with a rusty spoon for this post because it’ll appear like I am directly criticizing them. In reality, I am actually insinuating that Poppy is criticizing them, but nuance is dead, knee-jerk reactions reign supreme. Whatever. If you react that way, it means you’re so eyeballs deep in obsession that you fail to realize why Poppy courts your obsession in the first place. Poppy’s work entices fans to obsess over her, but it also berates those who do so.

Note that this is all as a means of criticizing the status-quo. And guess what: fans are part of the status-quo. It stings when you realize your idol’s criticisms are actually about you, but I’m not convinced Poppy is malicious. She wants you to be a better person.

This is my best estimate of her thesis: the nature of the objectification of celebrities is rooted in a sexual obsession—that is, a desire for their bodies. Pun intended. Objectification stems from fantasizing over what the celebrity shows you, which is almost always physical, or at least results in the fantasy manifesting itself as a physical representation.

In other words: “everybody wants to be Poppy.”

Poppy recognizes the inherently sexual obsession with figures in the ASMR community. She wears latex in “Me Laughing” to draw attention to this. It’s as if she was saying: “this is what you’re here for, right?”

Note that obsession is inherently progressive. It grows and grows, eventually leading to fans voyeuristically observing the objectified person’s intimate bodily functions. This culminates in “Me Laughing.” Poppy knows what you want, but as payment, she’s going to leave a nagging feeling in your brain that somehow you have done something wrong. That you shouldn’t really be watching this video, but she knows you are.

Recall Titanic’s comments about making people slightly uncomfortable. Consuming is harder with a lump in your throat. The key to understanding Poppy’s work is to ask why she wants you to feel uncomfortable. What about your behavior does she want you to realize?

Earlier in the post, I mentioned that I’m not a huge fan of the whole ‘Poppy talking to demons about destroying the world’ reading because it comes dangerously close to obsessing over her lore. Lore is like history without the usefulness, so I’m going to ignore it. Regardless, I said I would use that interpretation for something more interesting, so I’d like to ask:

What makes someone want to destroy the world?

Throughout “Me Laughing,” Poppy shoots dark glares at the camera. There’s something sinister in her eyes, something genuinely evil lurking in her gaze. We know she obviously has an immense disdain for the status-quo. What else would lead to lyrics like: “down, let it all burn down / burn it to the ground”?

Preceding any cries of “viva la revolución!” or “apocalypse, now!” is an implicit judgement that what is left of the world is either not able to be saved, or not worth saving. That tearing everything down and beginning anew is preferable to salvaging what remains. To reach such a mindset, one would need to see modern society with such disgust and be so disenchanted with our current world that it no longer appears worth preserving. One would also need to have given up hope on the ability for people to come together and solve their problems. To have lost hope in humanity’s ability to adapt and overcome. To think that perhaps our problems have become too big for us to solve, that perhaps we have finally dug too deep a hole to climb out of.

Again, people don’t reach a hopeless mindset overnight; it takes many steps to descend into the darkness. But, the numpties on r/GetMotivated tell me, “every journey begins with a single step,” so let’s take one together.

In a tweet, I mentioned that “Me Laughing” was also about absurdism. No, that wasn’t a typo for ‘absurdity.’ I may write ridiculously deep-dives into Poppy lyrics and lore, but I try not to waste words.

Anyway, let’s play a game. I call it the “imagine something real quick because I need to prove a point” game.

Imagine being stuck in a system. Yes, it’s cliché to use the word ‘system,’ and any time you do, it carries the connotation that you are some conspiracy nut, e.g., “you can’t trust the system man!” I understand all this, please just bear with me and let me use the word, it’s useful. Anyway, you don’t like the system because a lot of the system is bad and it’s slowly, but surely, getting worse. The cracks are starting to show and the whole thing is poised to come crumbling down. Okay, that’s not good, you want to tell people about this. To warn them. However, in order to obtain a sizable audience for your message, you need to first succeed within the system, and to do that, you need to play by the system’s rules.

Okay, no sweat, you release some pop songs. There’s a couple of them that people really dig. Unfortunately, the songs people like don’t contain much of your message. They have a watered-down version of it at best. That’s a little sad, but oh well, at least you’re getting some sort of message out there. Hey, maybe if you make the music video really weird, people will realize there’s something more going on! Hm, that didn’t seem to work either.

So you release some YouTube videos too. Some of them are pretty biting, especially that one on politics. Should get people thinking, right? Hah, no, wrong. People like them, yes, but not for the reasons you want. They like them because they’re “weird” and “addictive” e.g., “its 3 AM on a school night and I’m still watching Poppy videos why can’t I stop lolol.” Imagining that the videos contain some sort of Illuminati-esque hidden message to decode is preferable to examining the real-world implications of the work. Plus, like, there’s experts for that, right?

Anyway, a couple albums and hundreds of videos later, you have a sizable following, sweet, now you can transition to doing what you’ve always wanted to. Change the persona to something a little truer to yourself. Make your message a little clearer. Finally, you have the power to change the world like you always promised you would.

Uh-oh, Houston, we’ve got a problem. Your audience listened to you for X, but now you’re giving them Y. It’s not a total loss, though. You have a lot of loyal members in your audience, and they like your new stuff too. Doesn’t matter what you make, they’re loyal, they’ll watch/listen/whatever to it. Their dedication has become investment which has become even more dedication. In fact, they’ve been following you since the start, when you were first trying to get big. “Yes, but I was trying to get big because I wanted to spread a message and to do that I had to make compromises to grow an audience so people would liste—“

They also have their own ideas of what you’re saying, plus, like, they make neat art, here, check this out, please give this a listen, look at this, read this, please, please? “Hey, nice article. Wait, the next one is how many words?!” And you keep every piece of fan art because it really does mean a lot to you. “Wow, I appreciate it, that’s beautiful, thank you. Oh, what? There’s even more?” Hey, if you have spare minute, could you give a shout-out to my friend? It’s her birthday. “Sure, hold on…” It’s also my birthday tomorrow, could you give this post a like? “Um, okay, just give me a minut—“ Also, could you answer my DM on Instagram? It’s important. And after that there’s only 100 more to answer! kk thanks! “Wait… one second… whoa!”

Now you’re releasing Z, hopefully that will get your message across…

…

Wait—what was your message again?

…

Oh no.

…

Somewhere along the way, probably between performing [this] and signing [that], the essence of your message was lost. Whatever remains has been drowned out by the noise of the system. If we’re talking decibels, notifications are loud, problems are whispers, and these days everyone’s got ear plugs.

Thinking about problems is hard, thinking about them for too long is sad, being sad is uncomfortable, hey, look, Taylor Swift just dropped a new album, that “Lover” song is dope, let’s look at memes.

So, you want to change the system. But to change the system you need power. To get power, you need an audience. But the only way to get an audience is to make content that gets rewarded by the system. And the content that gets rewarded by the system is that which is easily digestible for a large audience, i.e., devoid of substance. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think “Turn Down for What” resulted in much positive social change. “Well, maybe the system should reward content that is creative, challenging, and conscientious instead!” Ah, yes, I see what you mean. So, you want to change the system…

Pass the mic, Camus, I’ve got a real knee-slapper for ya. Oh, right, guess I’ll just grab it myself.

These days, we’re faced with a new kind of absurdism, one which involves recognizing that societal systems are getting worse and need changing, while simultaneously recognizing that you are chained by said systems, and thus, powerless to change them.

This new absurdism describes the maddening exercise in doublethink where people wrestle with the knowledge that they should be Making The World A Better Place but also the knowledge that they cannot possibly live in a way that satisfies such capitalized phrases. The end result is a mental tearing fueled by impossible societal expectations and the inevitable guilt of failing to live up to them.

After a while, people stop fighting. They give up. They give in. When enough people throw in the towel, all that’s left is to hold on tight and enjoy the ride, e.g., the trajectory is set, all aboard, no, there aren’t enough seat belts for everyone, must have been one of those damn cost-saving initiatives.

“Yeah, that definitely sounds absurd. So… what do we do about it?”

Well, sometimes all you can do is laugh.

#poppy #me laughing

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ominouscorvid · 6 years ago

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day 4/30

Analysis somewhat inspired by the YouTuber misteramazing and his video “No, not all popular music sounds the same.”

80’s: “Take on me” - a-ha; “Another One Bites The Dust” - Queen; “Don’t Stop Believin’” - Journey; “When Doves Cry” - Prince; “Time After Time” - Cyndi Lauper

1) what were the themes they talked about?

They talked about love, loss of a loved one, the change of perspective that followed and war both with others and with ourselves

2) how did they make you feel?

They had a bit of a sad note, but overall they were pretty energetic. “Another One Bites The Dust” really stuck with me both because of its rhythm and its theme.

3) what are your favourite lyrics and why?

“Touch if you will my stomach

Feel how it trembles inside

You've got the butterflies all tied up” - “When Doves Cry”

I feel like it perfectly captures the somewhat constraining feeling of getting attached to somebody

Fun fact! I once sang “Time after Time” at a musical contest and got second place

90’s: “Smells Like Teen Spirit” - Nirvana; “Macarena” - Los Del Rio; “End Of The Road” - Boyz II Men; “Candle In The Wind” - Elton John; “Whoomp! (There It Is)” - Tag Team

1) what were the themes they talked about?

Macarena is about a girl rejecting the guys that chase her apparently?? and I never knew?? idk I just found it funny. While love is still a major theme, we see singers having more fun with what they sing about (entertain us!!)

2) how did they make you feel?

Just hearing Macarena watered my crops and made my skin clear so I give this decade an A++++ for feelings

I have never listened to Candle in The Wind and it brought me to tears. It sends a powerful message about the sexualization of women in the acting industry, and Elton John really captured the difference between Marilyn and Norma.

3) what are your favourite lyrics and why?

“You had the grace to hold yourself

While those around you crawled” - “Candle in The Wind” because it reminded me that you do not have to lower your standards to appease others

00’s: “Beautiful Day” - U2; “Get the Party Started” - P!nk; “Toxic” - Britney Spears; “Try Again” - Aaliyah; “Hey There Delilah” - Plain White T’s

1) what were the themes they talked about?

Love, again. Seriously, people need to start writing about other things too. They also talked about partying and appreciating the beauty around you (have a guess at which songs were about partying and beauty)

2) how did they make you feel?

The overall feeling was much more optimistic, and they left me very energized.

3) what are your favourite lyrics and why?

“Don't you worry about the distance

I'm right there if you get lonely

Give this song another listen

Close your eyes

Listen to my voice, it's my disguise

I'm by your side” - Hey There Delilah, because it really accentuates how music is a form of communication, and how artists leave a bit of themselves with every piece they create

10’s: “Hold It Against Me” - Britney Spears; “Just the Way You Are” - Bruno Mars; “Firework” - Katy Perry; “Born This Way” - Lady Gaga; “Rolling in the Deep” - Adele (this decade gave us some BOPS I say)

1) what were the themes they talked about?

We can see an overarching theme of loving yourself despite whatever it is you’re going through, but partying and having fun are also important

2) how did they make you feel?

extremely energetic and optimistic. also ready to dance extremely badly

3) what are your favourite lyrics and why?

“My mama told me when I was young

We are all born superstars” - Born this Way, because I really like the idea of holding myself like I’m a celebrity people look up to to give myself some confidence, even though I don’t want the fame itself

this year: “I Don’t Care” - Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran; “Señorita” - Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello; “YNTCD” - Taylor Swift; “Bounce Back” - Little Mix; “Never Really Over” - Katy Perry

1) what were the themes they talked about?

Wanting to run away from parties was a big one and honestly same, although not for the same reasons

2) how did they make you feel?

they sadly fell pretty flat for me. the lyrics weren’t anything out of the ordinary and they didn’t make me feel anything out of the ordinary

3) what are your favourite lyrics and why?

“Sapphire moonlight

We danced for hours in the sand

Tequila sunrise”- Señorita, because it’s a really beautiful depiction of time passing faster when you’re with the people you love

#30 days of arts and humanities #india's summer course #music #pop music #mine #also do y'all like the header?#idk if i should make others

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amanharwara · 5 years ago

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Eminem - Music To Be Murdered By (Album Review)

“Music To Be Murdered By” is the latest release from the legendary rapper, Eminem. This is his eleventh studio album. Eminem released the album on 17th January without any prior announcement, similar to his previous album Kamikaze.

As you might know, Eminem is one of the biggest-selling artists of the previous decades. Very few artists manage to touch his sales numbers. Even the two of his worst albums managed to put up numbers that for most rappers would be their highest. Needless to say, he is one of the biggest artists in the world with a huge global audience. A lot of his audience is very passionate, which is one of the reasons all of his albums seem to do so well.

The project is a double-album, including two labeled introductions and one labeled outro. For those of you who don’t know what a double-album is, it is composed of two different albums. This one, in particular, is split into two portions containing 10 songs each. The album features 12 artists across eight songs, including artists like Ed Sheeran, the late Juice WRLD, Royce, Black Thought and Q-Tip. The album title and cover have been inspired by one of the most influential and prominent directors and filmmakers of all time, Alfred Hitchcock and his album, “Music To Be Murdered By”. Multiple songs on the album reference him.

His previous two releases have been inadequate trash. Revival and Kamikaze are two of Eminem’s worst albums ever released. Although, don’t take my word for it. You might want to give them each a listen yourself to understand why I say that. My gripes with Revival were the bad production, absolutely cringe lyrics and some of the worst flows. Kamikaze continued that trend of bad lyricism mixed with bad flows, and also attacked new-age rap like a grumpy old man. Two consistently terrible records from someone whose music I enjoyed and adored for a long time is the reason I went into this album with very low expectations. And let me tell you, the album barely manages to exceed even those low expectations.

The album starts with the intro, titled “Premonition.” Em continues the attack on “mumble rap” that he started on Kamikaze. He also talks about his career on the track, from his years of being one of the undisputed rap legends to being bombarded by criticism for his previous few records. The track features a generic trap beat, instances of which can be found on quite a few other songs on the album. However, the one on this track is at least a bit bearable. The track contains its fair share of corny lyrics. At a point, he is boasting about being “as fly as your zipper.” I think the track sets us up perfectly for what the whole album is going to be.

Next up is the “Unaccommodating,” featuring Young M.A. The track contains one of the better trap beats on the record. Also, M.A.’s feature is one of the saving graces on the album. This is because she can flow well on the beat, unlike the certain another rapper on the track. Although, I’ve got to give credit where it’s due. Em is pretty good at this “fast rapping” game that white kids from the suburbs love. If rap was all about talking fast, then Em would be the GOAT, of course. But that’s not the case. One thing I found funny about this track is the line where Em says that his pupils have gotten cornier. Yeah Em, that’s because they’re learning from one of the corniest teachers ever, you. He comes up with some of the wackest lines, I swear. “Where’s Osama been? I been laden lately” This is a line from the chorus of the track. The track contains even more corny lines, peep:

“Cause I met your bitch on the internet now I’m getting head like a Pillow Pet”

“That’s why they call me Kamikaze, it’s plain suicide, yeah”

Em’s old friend and frequent collaborator, Royce da 5'9", joins him on the track “You Gon’ Learn” along with White Gold. White Gold comes in with the chorus, which sounds rather boring to me. Royce comes in with an amazing flow that fits well on the beat. Although, he did make me cringe hard at the colonoscopy line. Overall, his verse is very enjoyable to listen to. Em comes in with his verse containing some very corny lyrics. He has mastered the art of corniness at this point. At least, his flow is a bit better on the track. I couldn’t even be bothered to put up some of the corny lyrics here. I’d recommend you give the track a listen and find out yourself.

Ed Sheeran collaborates once more with Em on the track “Those Kinda Nights.” This is one of the most trash tracks I’ve heard on the album, with some horrendous lyrics. Also, the flow on this one is annoying and irritating. The chorus by Ed is bland and nothing special. I can’t put into words how much I dislike this track.

“In Too Deep” describes details of a toxic relationship that Em and his partner were involved in. I do like the slow and kinda punchy beat on this one. However, I can’t say the same about Em’s rapping. I mean, it’s not as terrible as the rapping on some other tracks, but it’s not any good either. On the chorus, he goes back to his Recovery style of singing which doesn’t sound too good. This is an average track, better than some of the worst tracks but nothing too good.

“Godzilla” starts with Em’s annoying staccato flow which then evolves into an amalgamation of the annoying staccato and the annoying fast rap. The beat on this is good, though, pretty fun to listen to. But that is the only good thing about the track. I was hoping when Juice WRLD (R.I.P) comes in, that it would be at least a bit more enjoyable to listen to. However, even that expectation of mine was deceived. I didn’t enjoy the track other than the beat.

The track “Darkness” interpolates “The Sound of Silence” by Simon & Garfunkel. I’ve gotta be honest with you, the track has grown on me at least a little bit since I first heard it. While the beat is a little bit generic, I do like it. It is slow and kinda melodic, sets the tone for the lyrical content. Speaking of which, the song is written from the perspective of the murderer responsible for the largest mass shooting in US history. It also brings to notice the gun control problem in the US. This is one of the tracks that I think is good and you should give this one a listen.

“Leaving Heaven” sees Em reflecting on his success and what turned him into the person that he is today. He raps about extreme resilience after having been put under very terrible circumstances by life. The beat sounds reminiscent of something that would be on MMLP2. When the Skylar Grey-sung chorus hit for the first time, it did interest me a tiny bit. But that interest waned off by the second time the chorus hit. Also, Em seems to fall back into his annoying staccato rhythm on the verses on the track. Another below-average song, which while not terrible, leaves a lot of room for improvement.

Next might be the only song on the album that I’ve enjoyed thoroughly. And that song is “Yah Yah,” with its amazing use of sampling. It samples Busta Rhymes’ “Woo Hah!! Got You All In Check,” which is a song that I enjoy a lot myself. Denaun went crazy with the beat on this one. The features list on this track is pretty amazing as well, featuring Royce, Q-Tip who you might know from “A Tribe Called Quest” and his solo work, and Black Thought who you might know because of his amazing rap prowess and his work with his group “The Roots.” While I would’ve loved a verse by Q-Tip, he is only featured on the chorus along with Royce. Royce’s verse is pretty good, followed by another good verse from Black Thought. It’s good that Em’s verse is at the end, which makes it easier to skip.

On the twelveth track of the album, “Stepdad” Em attacks his deadbeat dad for leaving him and his mother when he was still a toddler. I hate the chorus on this one. Em’s flow on this sounds similar to some of his older works like Relapse and The Eminem Show. While the flow can start sounding a little annoying at times, it isn’t as bad as the chorus. And the lyrics are pretty good and not much corny when compared to other songs on the album.

The latter half of the album falls flat on its face and is even annoying at points. Marsh is one hell of an annoying song. I can’t even sum up my hatred for it. I’m sorry but I don’t have anything to say about this garbage. Never Love Again sounds like something out of Revival. Little Engine has an interesting and fun beat to it, but the chorus is annoying and Em’s lyrics aren’t any good. Lock It Up’s Anderson Paak feature is alright, nowhere near what my expectations thought it would be. Farewell is another piece of garbage with extremely cringe lyrics and annoying delivery. No Regrets contains a feature from Don Toliver which I couldn’t really care about. It sounds like a very generic trap song. The final song I Will is a reunion of most of the members of Slaughterhouse. This is a bearable track with an alright chorus from Em and an alright beat.

Overall, the album is another disappointment in the Eminem catalog. However, it’s not as much of a colossal letdown that his previous two albums were. It is a huge improvement when compared to Revival and Kamikaze. One of the good things about the album is that Eminem finally collaborated some new artists from the “mumble rap” scene instead of acting like a grumpy old man waving his cane at the kids. While some of the songs sound like generic trap songs, there a few good songs here and there. Some songs are absolute garbage and some are tolerable. It’s a below-average album from someone who I still think is capable of bringing better music than this.

Rating: 4 / 10

#music #music review #album #album review #eminem #music to be murdered by #alfred hitchcock #hiphop #rap #anderson .paak #royce da 5'9"#black thought #q tip

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rye-views · 3 years ago

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I am the Messenger by Markus Zusak. 7.5/10

I would not recommend this book to my friends. I would not reread this book.

This teen white boy 1st-person perspective is always very similar, but very understandable, despite not being my vibe. Ed having such deep thoughts besides being a mediocre and sometimes immature boy reminds me of how deep you can be at any age. Ed analyzes people and considers his opinions accurate, which is something most people do, but reading it makes me feel some sort of subtle arrogance. Despite that, his thoughts are simply romantic at times. Ed may be a messenger, but his decisions are based on his judgments and thought processes. I'm wondering who we are to judge when strangers' lives are at stake.

I'm getting vague Nerve (2016) vibes and then even more, Alice in Borderland. This motivation to become a better you gives me Naruto vibes.

Angie accepting ice cream from a stranger is weird.

When Ed goes through the phone book, how does he decide that some of the names aren't the right person?

During the hearts, I thought about what I miss in my own relationships, especially when relationships aren't reciprocated nor can we know something about someone all the time.

Memorable Quotes: "When reason fails, the devil helps!" "Why can't the word hear?" "Because it doesn't care." "How do people live like this? How do they survive?" "What if they can't anymore?" "It's funny how when you watch people from a long distance, it all seems voiceless." "Complaint has no use." "Now a worse feeling empties itself into me." "I'm suddenly aware that I have to do this surrounded by nothing but my own human frailty" "the silence of her beauty." "I want to throw my miserable, complaining, excuse-making mouth from my face and get on with it." "In a way, I wish I could be like that. You'd never worry or care bout anything that really mattered. You'd be happy, in the same pitiful way someone like our friend Ritchie is. Nothing affects you, and you affect nothing." "How well do we really let ourselves know each other?" "there's no point going over something I can't change. I come close a few times but let it go. It's better that way." "You know, they say that there are countless saints who have nothing to do with church and almost no knowledge of God. But they say God walks with those people without them ever knowing it." "I think she'd rather do it without any meaning or truth." "I didn't know words could be so heavy." "I guess we don't give many things a lot of thought." "This isn't about words. It's about glowing lights and small things that are big." "But how can a good thing suddenly feel so sad?" "Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are." "For the first time, a message has touched part of my own life in some way." "I really don't want this to be a fond memory until it's over. I also fear that nothing really ends at the end." "I won't be okay just for the sake of it." "If I'm ever going to be okay, I'll have to earn it." "I want words at my funeral. But I guess that means you need life in your life." "I'd rather chase the sun than wait for it." "This is what our lives are, Ed." "look at me--there isn't a thing I want to do." "I think he was glad to still be treated the same--even though he and I would never be friends like we once were."

#i am the messenger #markus zusak #book #review #commentary #rye-views #7.5

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fullmetalirin · 7 years ago

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Fullmetal Alchemist OG: Wrath’s Awakening (OG 29-31)

OG adds an arc smack in the middle of this section, so I'll cover it all at once. We're close to the divergence point, now.

Fullmetal Alchemist Episode 29: "The Untainted Child"

The young boy who shadowed Edward and Alphonse on Yock Island is not only an alchemist, he is able to transmute his own body. After finding out about the scars on the boys right arm and left leg, Ed discovers that the boy is a homunculus who took his limbs during their failed attempt at human alchemy.

Ah, Ed and Al do ask why the guy attacked them. It's handwaved as Izumi telling him to toughen them up. Still feels like it goes against the point of the lesson.

Izumi walks towards Wrath, but coughs up blood. It's initially comedic, but she reverts to normal style as Al tends to her.

I'm not sure why Ed attacks Wrath.

Ed appears to try to remove the rock from Wrath's flesh, but the reaction seems to spread and turn his clothes into leaves. So I guess that's where he was getting the clothes? But why would he think to transmute them into proper clothes?

We can clearly see Wrath's arm and leg are Ed's skintone. The rest of Wrath is deathly pale, though. Shouldn't he be tanned if he's spent all his life in the wild? Or do homunculi's bodies never change? Since they don't age, maybe so.

Wrath can talk, so he must have had some human contact.

Wrath doesn't have purple eyes… but he does have blue ones. Maybe the purple comes from eating the red stones.

Winry wants to tell Izumi off for being mean to the Elrics.

Sig sleeps with his eyes open.

Ed sneaks into Wrath's room. Izumi apparently locked the door with alchemy so she'd know if the brothers broke in, so instead Ed busts a hole in the roof. Clever.

Wrath is very acrobatic. Ed turns the blanket into a rope to restrain him.

Oh, the reason Ed was weird about Wrath was because he transmuted without a circle.

Wrath gets upset trying to untie the rope, and transmutes the whole bed into his body.

Cartoon when Izumi barges in.

Ed reveals the homunculi are pursuing him.

Quick shot of Winry sleeping through everything. Haha.

Cut to Central. Sheska is playing with Elicia.

Sheska berates Mustang for not investigating Hughes' murder, and gives him the files Hughes was looking at.

Cut to Sloth calling Envy and telling him to track down the Elrics. Sloth says she's busy in Central.

Envy reveals Sloth is the youngest homunculus.

Sloth doesn't want the Elrics investigating Ishbal's Philosopher's Stone.

Ed explains everything to Izumi. He says transmuting one's own body shouldn't be possible with any alchemy.

Sig politely leaves before Izumi discusses the Gate with Ed.

This is where we get Ed's perspective for the human transmutation scene, which I already covered last post.

Ah, Ed does mention that soul-binding was one of the things he learned from the Gate. So that does explain it.

Back in Central, Breda attaches bishie sparkles to himself with wires when pretending to be Armstrong. LOL.

We get introduced to Archer, who I believe is an anime-only character? He's pursuing the Elrics, likely at the behest of the homunculi.

Al uses the radio in their room and the lamp in the bathroom to create a phone line.

Al figured out that Wrath has Ed's arm and leg. When he reveals it, Ed immediately tunnels into the bathroom to confirm for himself. Everyone looks scared and tells Ed to stay away.

Ed has a breakdown over the possibility his limb trade was not an equivalent exchange.

Ah, the scar on the arm is from the fox bite. So that was intentional. Nice.

Ed freaks out Wrath with his questioning, forcing him to run away. Ed pursues.

Izumi vomits blood when she sees a trail from her transmutation site. It's played completely seriously.

The thing that strikes me most here is how darkly Ed is portrayed. Winry looks scared of him, and everyone tells him he's wrong to be so cruel and suspicious towards this kid, which he completely ignores. We are seeing the dark side of that fiery determination so characteristic of shonen protagonists, and starting to commit to the idea that Ed ignoring all moderating influences in favor of his own obsessions is maybe not healthy behavior.

Fullmetal Alchemist Episode 30: "Assault on South Headquarters"

Yoki spots Scar in a group of Ishbalans arriving at a refugee camp. He runs off to contact the military, hoping to be reinstated. Meanwhile, the military, believing the mysterious boy to be a homunculus, captures and imprisons him in South Headquarters. A chimera called Bido discovers the same and Izumi storms South Headquarters to rescue him, but she soon finds herself in a five-way fight over the boy.

Ed apologizes to Wrath while chasing him. Wrath phases through a wall by fusing himself with it.

Archer has shown up at Sig's shop asking after the Elrics.

Sig and Armstrong strip and have a hulking-out contest.

The lizard-man heard about the Elrics from Tucker.

The lizard-man can climb a sheer wall.

The arm Wrath got from Ed looks significantly larger than his other one.

Archer is using a sniper rifle just as a telescope.

Archer says there's something important on Wrath's right foot (so his natural one). You can't see it in that shot, but later we see that's where his tattoo is.

Armstrong asks what they plan to do if Wrath's limbs really are Ed's – would they rip them off and take them for their own?

Sloth promises to reinstate Yoki if he tells them Scar's whereabouts. So yes, Ed's heroics were only a temporary reprieve – this shows the whole system is rotten.

And while that happens, Greed receives his own information on Wrath. He decides Wrath is a bigger priority than the Elrics. He gives us our first mention of Pride.

Tucker and Kimblee are with Greed.

Al tells Izumi Wrath was a monster, and tells her about the other homunculi as well. Izumi says she already knew.

Izumi vomits blood. It's played seriously. Sig rushes her to the hospital, and this is where we learn about her illness. The doctor points to a diagram saying all her organs from her liver to her intenstines are gone, which doesn't seem like it should be survivable. They'd have to be only partially damaged; you can't survive without all of them. Possibly we can assume her uterus took the brunt of the damage. This is where Ed figures out she did human transmutation.

There's still dried blood on Izumi's lips when she enters the southern headquarters.

Winry bemoans everyone keeping her out of the loop. This prompts Sig to tell her their backstory over footage of Izumi's assault, which I think is a nice technique.

How does Kimblee survive his own blast? He's touching the thing that explodes with enough force to take down a wall.

Ed says that as a soldier he's bound by duty to apprehend Izumi.

Bradley appears. Ed wonders to himself why he's here, hinting that we're supposed to find that weird.

And Bradley appears to be in Central simultaneously, ordering Mustang to take out Scar. I wonder if we're supposed to think this is a flashback…? Mustang coldly decides that if Scar doesn't surrender, they will take out the entire camp.

Scar recognizes a symbol in the alchemist's house, but I don't. I presume it'll be explained later.

Fullmetal Alchemist Episode 31: "Sin"

Amid the confusion inside South Headquarters, Envy, disguised as Bradley, manages to take the homunculus boy from Izumi. Kimblee and Bido came to battle for the same purpose and the boy remembered all his past after he consumed small fragments of the Philosopher's Stone.

We open with Team Mustang asking if they plan to kill the refugees. Mustang can't give an answer.

Archer is surprised to see Kimblee alive. Kimblee apparently was ordered to stop killing civilians.

When Kimblee tells them to ask Bradley, we get an internal monologue from Envy, thus showing us it's him. I don't like that, it's very tacky to shift perspectives suddenly. The writers probably thought it was funny but eh, not the time. Envy apparently didn't know why Kimblee was kept alive, also. I guess they keep him out of the loop on most things.

Envy-Bradley rushes forward to grab Wrath.

Izumi shoots a giant stone fist at Envy-Bradley, which Armstrong stops. The force shreds his shirt.

We switch to still images for the battle, because I guess they ran out of budget. It's not too clear what's going on, but apparently the force of their attacks is collapsing the building.

Kimblee taps Al and notes that he has an interesting body.

Bido not wanting to get turned into a bomb is played for comedy. Eenh.

Envy feeds Wrath a red stone. Wrath then starts eating the rest ravenously.

Envy says the red stones have several hundred human lives in them. That seems like a lot – even these low-quality ones require that much? Wrath is horrified and spits them out, but eats them again when Envy threatens to take them away.

Envy says the reason Wrath can use alchemy is because of his human limbs.

Wrath gets flashbacks to the Gate of Truth, and his eyes turn purple.

Archer offers to reinstate Kimblee.

Wrath has a new outfit with the homunculus markings. Where'd he get that? It looks very similar to Envy's outfit (short shorts and bare midriff), so possibly we can assume Envy gave it to him.

Wrath apparently eviscerated Envy after awakening.

The soldiers contacted Central and discovered Bradley wasn't supposed to be here. That seems sloppy. Did Envy do this on his own?

We get a flashback to Izumi's human transmutation. She did it at Yock Island, not an indoor location like in Brotherhood. We don't see her trip to the Gate. When she wakes up she vomits blood, and sees her baby is alive, but has become a monster. So this is pretty clear confirmation that the soul is the issue: she had a whole, intact body and it still didn't work.

Izumi tries to strangle Wrath but can't. Envy watches from a clifftop.

Ed arrives to see Wrath strangling Izumi. Izumi says she deserves it, and we complete the flashback: when she saw what she made, she gave it back to the Gate. The Gate looks much creepier here than it does in Brotherhood – it has a complete arch, like the front of a temple, and it's filigreed with strange human statues. A giant eye looks out from within. Ed says the inside of the Gate looked like truth to him, but Izumi says it looked like Hell.

The baby starts crying when it's taken away, and Izumi regrets her choice.

This is where we get explicit confirmation that homunculi are the result of human transmutation, and that they lack a soul. Ed thought they were created like chimeras.

This reveal, to me, felt so obvious and intuitive I was honestly shocked that Brotherhood did something so different and so, so much more boring. Homunculi as failed resurrections raises so many delightful questions about personhood, responsibility, and playing God that will be explored later in the series.

Wrath's personality has noticeably changed. He is extremely vulgar and hostile.

Lust and Gluttony can be seen among the refugees when Mustang's team approaches.

We see Sloth traveling through the water towards Yock Island. Wow, I guess a new homunculi is top priority for them.

Greed's arrived too, so we're in for a showdown. Envy asks him what he did with the skull – ah, there was a skull in his prison. That must have been from his human remains. So that's an early hint towards that.

Greed seems surprised that a Sloth exists. I guess they're rare? It'd be interesting to try to figure out if there's any theme to Dante's naming scheme. Envy also says that there's a full set of seven "for the first time in a while", so there has been a full set before.

Sloth namedrops Wrath for the first time.

Sloth says Envy's orders were to push Ed towards the Philosopher's Stone, not throw a wrecking ball at him. Envy just says he wanted to see Hoenheim's kid suffer. So Envy is unreliable.

Wrath says his body grew inside the Gate.

Wrath wants Ed's whole body so he can become human. Interesting that he couldn't use Al's.

Conclusion

Like the Fifth Laboratory, this probably would have benefited from being condensed into two episodes. Also like the Fifth Laboratory, I love it anyway. Where the last arc addressed the initial driving question of the Philosopher's Stone and what the Elrics would do to achieve it, this one is addressing the questions that were brought up there: What are the homunculi, what do they want, and how are they connected to human transmutation? Moreover, we are engaging with deeper questions to come: what is alchemy, and what is equivalent exchange?

We're also getting a deeper taste of the darker turn OG will take. Ed and even Al are taking questionable actions that pit them against other heroic characters. Armstrong, previously a stalwart hero, is forced against them by his duties to the military. We are engaging with a question posed at the beginning: Will Ed follow the military's orders, even if they are repugnant? He made a choice to become a tool of the military, and he can't just walk out on that when it's convenient.

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