#also thank u for saying that and giving me an opportunity to talk abt myself i love doing that

[highoncatfood]

Can I ask what your art process is? Your art is just so eye catching I gotta know how you pick your colors and stuff...

yes. heres an awesome and totally cool easy to follow highoncatfood guide to make ur art look like a rainbowpuke mess

ive given up on doing lineart a few months ago and now i just sketch whatever, then rescale it to my liking. i use a default pixel brush in krita so rescaling makes the sketch all pixely and ugly but it doesnt matter bcuz then i just erase and add to it until its shaped. its kinda like sculpting

now even tho everyone always tells me my colors r the most unique part abt my art there is actually nothing special to them at all! i just pick everything by eye as long as its bright. looool

and yeah i mostly dont pay too much attention to what colors i pick cuz the filters save everything in the end. epsecially saturation cuz making all the colors kinda the same level of saturation makes them fit together and everthing looks nice and it causes u the eyestrain u so desire (i have no idea what im saying right now im sorry if this isnt helpful at all) theres also luminosity which i LOVE and i would put it at 100% on everything if it didnt make u feel like u have no idea what ur looking at. but uh, yeah, it kinda makes it look like u put my art on eye-saver mode and the darker colors dont look so strong

so yeah thats basically it thanks for reading uhhh like and follow if ur awesome

[djarinova]

sweetest em !! i hope life and the world and everything in it has been treating u well tehe <33

i am appearing like a little stray cat at your doorstep to ask about a mr mandalorian... please tell the great story of how u and din met + any cute hcs u would like to share ⸜(｡ ˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ i wanna know more abt u guys !!

ahhh ada!!! 🫶 thank you much much for the well wishes tehehe i appreciate them very much <3 sending you hugs rn

i am petting your stray cat form and granting your wishes because i very much want to gushhhh about my most beloved husband<3 and i thank you for this opportunity (it's a long one folks so buckle up<3)

okay so, i was working in a small cantina on the outskirts of the town i lived in (i have no specific place names atm bec i have not delved that far into my specific lore yet tehe). it was not the roughest pub in the neighborhood but it was rough enough that when din came in looking to collect a bounty quite a few people looked uncomfortable (almost like they thought it couldve been a bounty for them). the guy din was looking for was sat right up at the counter closest to me and as soon as din got close and disclosed his business and said that he was going to bring the guy in I could tell there was going to be fight. somehow i end up twigging it exactly at the right time and i jumped down onto the floor just a blaster fired toward the shelves behind me. it was a rather intense 10 minutes and then suddenly the two men were gone. which i felt weirdly sad about for some reason... but before i could really figure out why i felt like that my boss was yelling at me to clean up the broken glass, as if it was my fault.... and i said to myself right then that there was just no way i could work there anymore. so i quit haha. and that was how we, well..maybe not "met" as we didnt really say a word to eachother but that was the first time we ever saw eachother.

our entire relationship is very very slow burn though. it was almost 8 weeks after the bar incident until i saw him again and then a further couple of months until we had a steady friendship and even at that point i still hadnt seen the razor crest, let alone live on it...

i can definitely give you some cute hcs tehehe, lets bullet point them real quick

1) he brings me something every single time he comes back from a bounty collection or a trip somewhere (gifts ranging from a rock he thought I'd like to a plant I'd been asking about to a bracelet or necklace to a bunch of flowers)

2) he was the one to confess to me first. I was always scared that I'd misread his feelings or that i was only seeing what i wanted to see, and it wouldve taken me a long long time to finally get the courage to tell him how i felt (although it still took a long long time because HE was also worried about misreading me and making me uncomfortable ahdjdkdk)

3) we sit together every morning that we're together and have breakfast (although breakfast is a bit generous as he usually doesn't eat and im much too tired for food so i just grab a hot drink and sit close to him)

4) we had a lot of very serious conversations fairly early on in our relationship (before he'd even fully taken his helmet off in front of me) because we both wanted to be as clear as we could with our intentions and avoid any miscommunications that might have lead to regret (i especially wanted to make sure he never felt any pressure from me in regards to seeing his face, i wanted him to know that i was happy to wait as long as i needed to)

5) his favourite petname for me (besides beloved of course) is moonlight 🥺 he called me his moonlight one evening when we were laying together and i swear i almost died! it was so cute:(

this was TOO fun 🥺 thank you for letting me talk about my wonderful husband <3

[3416]

i’m another new leafs fan, and wanted to say how much i enjoy your commentary :)

it’s been disappointing to see all the hate from proclaimed fans after their exit. do you have any thoughts about how sports (historically) have a predominantly male fan base, and how that contributes to the negativity?

anyway, just wanted to say thank you for posting and sharing your thoughts :)💗

fjlksjfkls it truly warms me that anyone cares enough about what i have to say to check my blog, but thank you for the sweet words 😭🫶 hope you're enjoying the leafs.

those same people hating will be back in october (or just stay all summer and simmer over their fake trade proposals) and then proclaim they're in a toxic relationship with their sports team instead of just taking responsibility for their own life and doing something that makes them ACTUALLY happy, but i digress. i think a lot of these men are loners who don't get the social interaction irl and have gravitated online, and i can't even talk shit about THAT aspect of it bc here i am too lol, but also. like. they never seemed to learn to regulate their emotions about things. it's one thing to be so invested that you get upset when your team loses, but like... they're not attached to the team conceptually or any of the players in the same way a lot of the time, so i don't understand what they ARE attached to. they're chasing sentimentality from their youth or community of rooting for your local teams, but it SEEMS like they're miserable doing it and just don't know how to escape the cycle of it, and that's something i will never understand. i've gone through PLENTY of obsessions and hyperfixations over the years, and when things start to negatively impact my life, i have to actively step back and fall out of it or remind myself there's a real life. like you don't earn moral points for sticking through something that makes you miserable so you can say you've always been a real fan. no one gives a shit if you've been there 30 years or 30 seconds. some of these people don't know how to remove themselves from it though... and maybe i care too much about the negativity myself, but it really does just seem to take over the spaces i inhabited all year just fine. i'll take a break in a bit and get back to optimism but lol

in the end, no i don't have some grand thesis. it's all the same takes i assume men who care intensely irl and yell at clouds just put to the internet instead to find common ground with other shitheads, but they seem to think THEY'RE the majority, which is hilarious. i think the majority of fans are probably casual fans in the gta and ontario in general and don't hold opinions as intensely negative as they do, but who knows... what i DO know is that all the women i've met through sports enjoy it in a much more fun and hilarious way than most men so ljdlsfjklsf. being able to prioritize fun over just WINNING (esp when u dont care.. abt the individual players themselves like? what do u even want them to win for???? what is motivating u.. i don't understand men lmao) makes for a way better time and a healthier fandom. anywya, thanks for giving me yet more opportunities to rant here, LOL.

[astrobei]

question/query for you: how do you think robin and mikes friendship starts 👀

coming back to this ask after a few days because it’s something that’s so important to me… ella i know you’ve read you can hear it in the silence (bc u sent me the most giggle and kicking-feet-worthy messages about it☹️🫂) so you know my take on them in kind of a fun au setting ! i’d like to think that in canon or something similar their friendship starts off in a similar way — that is to say, robin and mike get closer because of both of their proximities to nancy, or robin chaperones a couple of the younger teens, etc etc. i think at first, robin’s personality is one that would come off as pretty abrasive to mike, since we’ve seen in season 2 that it takes a while for him to warm up to new people, even if he doesn’t actually dislike them (e.g: madwheeler in the gym and mike is being antagonistic but he’s also smiling and laughing because max is, objectively, really great)

i also think robin and mike are very similar in some ways, which is why i’ve been rooting for a robin/mike arc like dustin/steve’s since season 4 dropped !! they’re both anxious overthinkers who have a hard time expressing themselves, but are funny, loyal, and deeply protective of their friends. they both fall back on humor a lot and have one close friend they share their true feelings about stuff with when no one else really knows what’s going on (steve and will). i also think that robin can empathize (sympathize??) with mike’s situation better than nancy can in some ways— not just in the romance aspect (bc nancy does understand that) but regarding his struggles to fit in, find his place, and be accepted that were a major part of his s3/4 arc !!

anyways to sum it up: i think initially, robin’s personality would rub mike the wrong way, who probably wouldn’t like her very much right off the bat. however i can feel it in my BONES (and if not, i’ll break into the writers’ room myself) that they’ll grow closer, maybe forced to spend time together on a side quest like dustin and steve with dart in s2, where mike is coaxed into opening up more. even if they don’t specifically address his struggles with sexual orientation and identity i feel like robin would be able to read between the lines because it’s so familiar to her and. you know.

i could ramble abt this for hours so i will cut myself off Here but thank u for giving me the opportunity to talk abt this ella they are so important to me i am a mike and robin reluctant best friends truther until the day i Die 🥳🥳

[chillychive]

If u know me IRL I am *begging* you to not open this post… it would out someone you may know, so just please, please, please do not open it. Thank youuuu

Okay so yesterday my gf and I went to the pool together, and it wad my mom’s first time meeting her.

It was really fantastic and we had a great time. However, for this story to make sense I need to give some background. I’m white, my family is white. My partner is korean american. My mom is fascinated with Korean culture and watches K drama and listens to K Pop, and cooks us korean food. I’ve always thought this was weird, but i never brought it up with her because I didnt think it was a big problem. We’ve previously discussed that when she meets my partner, she will NOT mention kpop or kdrama or be weird about it in general. My partner isn’t big into korean media, so it’s not exactly a good opportunity to bond or anything. My mom is incredibly proud of not being racist/bigoted. I strive to not be but I fully acknowledge that as a white person in the US of A, I’m gonna end up with bigoted beliefs and assumptions that it is my job to fight. I learned that from my mom.

On the way back, my mom was playing her playlist out loud in the car. This playlist happens to have a lot of KPop on it. My gf recognized it and asked if that was blackpink. My mom took this as a go ahead to talk about kpop. That in itself would have been weird… but okay.

I whispered to my partner immediately that Im very sorry… and that i tried to tell her not to before. She looked obviously uncomfortable but answered my mom’s questions.

My mom moved on to ask about my partner’s family and if they were fluent, and if she had a korean name too. At this point I was incredibly embarrassed but didnt know what to do. My gf answered her but we kept exchanging glances like “this is weird” and “I’m so sorry”

We texted about it afterward, and it was clear my partner was uncomfortable with it but also thought it was hilarious. I went to talk to my mom about it.

I fully acknowledge that I did not probably handle the conversation with my mom afterwards correctly, but I thought it was okay. I essentially told her that that conversation was weird, reminded her that I *asked* her not to mention her obsession with Kpop/Kdrama before hand (which my gf is aware of), and asked that next time she doesnt start asking abt her korean name/fluency and the like.

My mom seemed embarrassed but said “okay”

I went back to my room. Later at dinner, my mom spent the entire time visibly crying but silently. At this point I decided that I was not going to apologize for calling her out, but that I had clearly made some mistake. Note: my mom cries very easily at any confrontation.

Unfortunately, when my mom cries, my dad goes full “punish whoever made her cry, even if justified”. So naturally my dad pulls me aside and says that I shouldnt have said that. I asked if he meant I shouldn’t have defended my partner. Now, i fully believe My mom’s actions were innocent and in no way intentionally racist. However, if it makes someone uncomfortable, I believe that it doesnt matter the intent behind it, it is now your job to never do that again.

I eventually gave up arguing with him because I knew it was pretty much worthless as long as he was set on protecting my mom no matter what.

I later talked to my brother (who was in the car when my mom said the stuff, witnessed my parents discussing what happened after (which i was not there for), and watched me argue with my dad) and he agreed that I didn’t handle the initial conversation with my mom as well as I could have, but that my mom’s questions were incredibly weird and that I was right to have called her out on it, and that my dad should not have gotten so incredibly angry at me.

I thought it might hopefully go away in the morning, but today everyone but my brother has been only speaking to me when strictly necessary. I thought I might just be gaslighting myself into thinking that, but at lunch I asked them and my mom said “that’s what happens when you really upset someone, they dont wanna hang out with you.” (Direct quote as this happened like 5 minutes ago)

I’ve told my gf none of this since I initially confronted my mom. I feel so bad because I really thought that she wouldnt have to deal with this from MY family, even though she is dating a white person. I’ve assured her many times that my mom is weird but would not directly say stuff, and she did. My dad is pissed because he thinks i shouldnt be prioritizing my partner’s needs over my mom’s, and that it’s a bad first impression for my first relationship to be calling my mother a bigot. (I DID NOT SAY THAT, for the record, he said that).

I don’t think I’m wrong for standing up for my partner, but I also do not want to hurt my parents. I’m not going to apologize for telling my mom she shouldnt have said that, but I also don’t know how long I can deal with my parents being mad at me. I dont want to jeopardize their approval for my relationship either.

Keep in mind, I’m a teenager living at home. This is my first relationship. I would love to go to bat for my partner against my parents, but realistically that doesnt work.

I dont know what to do. Am I in the wrong here? If not, how do I fix things without compromising my stance on what happened?

[mybrokenveins3000]

I’m starting uni in just over 2 weeks too! How are you feeling about it? You probably get that question a lot, I know I do, I usually just say I’m excited but a bit nervous because explaining how I’m really feeling is too much haha. I’d love to hear how your really feeling about it though, I feel like it would be nice to hear someone else’s experience even if it’s just to remind anyone else going that we’re in the same boat :)

HELLO HI thank u for. talking to me, it's really nice to know i'm not alone out here on tumblr/the world :,) NOW get ready for an unnecessarily long + personal answer bc i love to talk 😀👍

ok so i'm in a bit of an interesting position because i took a gap year. sixth form burnt me out academically and emotionally so i knew i had to do something else for a bit to fall back in love with the idea of being student. AND I HAVE!! so like you, im immensely, immensely excited.

one advantage of doing this is that i got to watch my friends and how they got on in first year. i'm feeling quite confident because of how much i observed and learnt, how to avoid making mistakes/what mistakes i'm inevitably going to make. im quite lucky, im comforted by the fact that i already know a few people there bc i deferred, but im also able to make new friends. sorry, this answer is so niche and specific atm ANYWAYS I DIGRESS.

but like you, i'm so nervous. i cannot contain how genuinely terrified i am, the idea that MY WHOLE LIFE AS I KNOW IT is completely changing — im actually gonna shit myself. like this year i really got to a position where i really like myself, i feel on top of the world because i feel like i know myself and how my life looks like, WDYM THATS ALL GOING TO CHANGE. oh, the dread i feel when my parents with drive back home without me. i've really learnt to love so many things abt my pre-uni life as well, i wish i could set up myself up to not have my heart break, but that's inevitable and SCARY.

it's all so close as well, i think about what my life will look like in two/three weeks and i see nothing? in the least fatalistic way. it's both a comfort and a nightmare.

i'm moving from a small town to a big city (such a cliché), so of course i'm like. 🎶JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRLLL, LIVIN IN A LONELYY WORLDD🎶 excited, i feel like my life is expanding outward like a galaxy and that the next three years are a blank canvas for me to do whatever the fuck i want with, be whoever i want to be, study what i LOVE (english lit and film [ofc im doing film, reader in that fresher!ross oneshot is embarrassingly based off me]), take every opportunity that's available to me, do things i otherwise would never be able to do in this town. im so excited to meet new people and to talk (u can tell i like to talk 💀), it's just really nice to know i'm on the border of some of the best memories/most formative years of my life.

but im also grieving this idea of growing up. it will surely pain me to move all my stuff from my childhood bedroom to a new place, to not have my parents' cooking everyday, to come back an adult and be regarded to as an adult. ITS A REAL MIXED BAG. i dunno if any of this helps, im shitting it but i am so so so excited.

last thing i will say that might help anyone reading is that, hey, im a delusional girlie, i started a fanfic account of gods sake, so i tend to fantasise and fictionalise my life, have expectations on what my life or what this milestone should look like. eg. in uni i will find the love of my life and we will be together forever (exaggerated example but an example nonetheless) — im saying this more for me but the answer is to let go of expectations. operate on no plan. organise your academic life sure, but personal life wise, BE FREE! take every situation as it comes and don't give yourself a headache thinking too far ahead. from what i've heard and read, thats a big thing people in their twenties have to deal with, with some people having children, getting married, whilst others are job searching, still in school etc. ive only just turned 19 so that's far away from me atm, but it's just a good thing to remember that everyone's life is different, paced differently, and there's no fix structure anyone needs to follow.

that's about it, let me know your thoughts :,) sorry this was so long 💀 but thank you for asking that because i enjoyed answering 🫶🫶🫶 please know that you are not alone, if u need a friend during uni, theres a you-sized hole in my messages/asks inbox thats all for you.

[sttoru]

Hey barbie, for the game:

angel; are you religious or spiritual?

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

hiii barbie ^___^ !! thank u for the askkk ehhe m excited to answer thesee

ask game !

angel: are you religious or spiritual?

yesss! ‘m religiousss, won’t say religion, but i am heehhe

bubbles: do you have a best friend?

i think like maybe one .. or two? idek what’s considered a best friend but i dont have many friends irl any way uhhhh lets say just one

daisies: describe a moment where you felt free.

omg there was this one moment where i felt like going to another city out of nowhere so i took the train, sat alone and stared out of the window for like two whole hours and got off at a random station. then i took another train & another & another just dropping off at whatever place sounded interesting and just going to explore on my own. all the while blasting music in my headphones :33 i was in my own bubble the entire time, getting food and cute accessories aaa just being by myself is amazing

euphoric: talk about someone you love.

ehh idk abt anyone irl but i love my fictional men ☝🏽☝🏽i luv toji but satoru also has a special place in my heart so ima take the opportunity and rant abt his character a little here: ok so i didn’t like satoru at first bcs he annoyed me LMAO but then a mutual on twt told me to read the manga and that i’ll like him more since i was an anime only during the first episodes of jjk s1. then… bam i was hit with the realisation that his character was just so complicated, tragic and… beautiful 😞.. the way he cares abt ppl, especially younger students who still have their entire youth before them, is just so heart wrecking bcssss its all cuz his own childhood was stripped from him :( toji incident, riko situation, becoming the strongest, geto betrayal & death, overworking and overstimulating himself cuz of his six eyes technique — I WANTED TO HUG HIM. like just wanna give him one good hug that makes him relieve his built up anxiety and stuff yk.. (thats why i started writing for him bcs hello i have the power to do so & ima make it canon myself by using that power ✍🏽) ANYWAYS i realised why he was misunderstood sm cuz his character is so deeeeppp but i also love him bcs ehem, his looks & attitude. LOOKKK i didn’t like his attitude at first but it grew on me and now i wanna be a victim to his endless teasing & joking plus the fact that hes prob over 195cm got me creaming likeeeee im super short and i’d literally have to break my neck to see him :( SOBS i want him so bad

[daydadahlias]

Ooh i would love for u to rant about why fine print ash is your fave! (If you want to ofcourse x)

beware: me talking abt my own fic like I'm not the one who wrote it.

thank u sm for this opportunity for me to gush abt my guys asdfghj i am abt to talk so much im sorry in advance wow

ok so FP ash is my fave for several reasons. Buckle up for a book report:

1. mans is hot. I absolutely love the "character design" of this Ashton. Which is to say: messy black hair, ascots, loose shirts, and nipple piercings!! I love his nipple piercings so much !! I mean I love this part of the fic just because think about it!! this is the kind of guy that not only gets his nipples pierced but wears fancy nipple rings! with pearls! that says so much about him right there.

Specifically, he’s drawn to the piercings on Ashton’s chest, the small decorative barbells that are on his nipples, a tiny pearl just beneath them attached to a silver ring that’s sparkling in the lighting of the hotel room.

2. not to pat myself on the back but he's funny. he's a little mean-spirited in his humor too, I think, but never to the point of being a full blown asshole (and his initial bitchy behavior is explained later so). Non-asshole but still semi-rude guy is Hard to write and I'm glad he comes across the way he does!! I think he's a sassy charming little guy with a heart of gold. Also this is just one of my favorite exchanges in a fic of mine ever:

He can’t help but grit out, “God, don’t tell me you’re homophobic or something now too.”

Ashton’s mouth drops open in a loud, disbelieving laugh as he stares at Luke. “Homoph—Dipshit, I’m gay.”

3. He stands up for himself. like, ok, was he kind of bratty to Luke in the beginning? yes he was absolutely. But he had his reasons and I’d say he’s fairly justified in having initial prejudices. And idk, I just really appreciate him being open abt that in one of his earliest interactions with luke. he doesn't mince words and he doesn't pretend to like him. he does his job but he makes it perfectly clear that he's not going to pushed around. He takes no shit!

“I’ve done this a long time, dude.” He raises his large hand to cut off any words Luke was even hoping on saying. “And I know by now that means you want an assistant but you don’t wanna pay the extra cash that job title and resume would require so—” He gives Luke a stiff smile that doesn’t reach his eyes— “I’m just saving us the time and orders and bullshit and I’m doing the job we both know you want me to do. So are you absolutely sure you want those nachos? Because you really seem like the kind of guy who wants a grilled salmon.”

4. he is a consent king!! one of the things I like about this Ashton (bc I’m me ofc) is that he is very careful about boundaries. And it's not in a... bend over backwards to not make someone uncomfortable way but just the acknowledgement that he understands why Luke is hurting and that he wants to do whatever he can to help. And it was also very important of me for Ashton to not only to acknowledge Luke's fear but also sympathize with it. He's the only person in Luke's life who agrees that he would also be scared if he were in that situation. And that's a reassurance Luke really needs at this time in the story so I think it's a great illustration of why these two little cuties make sense together!!

And then Ashton adds, bumping his shoulder into Luke’s and staying close, “I’m sorry. I get why you’re freaked out. I would be too. If there’s anything I can do to make you more comfortable in the hotel rooms, just let me know.”

5. He has the capability of violence but never actually acts on it. I really love protective characters and I love characters that can make their partner feel safe. Obviously, since Ash is Luke's bodyguard in this fic, his whole job is to keep Luke physically safe. And, a lot of the times, bodyguards are portrayed as really Intimidating and Scary people. And, yeah, this version of Ash is intimidating but I never really think of him as scary, which is an important distinction. for instance, the scene at the party where Ashton gets the impression Luke is in danger and threatens a guy for him.

And he says, nothing about his voice anything less than terrifying, “If you ever put your hands on him again, I will break them, do you understand me?”

This shows that Ash definitely has the ability to hurt people if need be. but also, it's important to note that even when Luke was with this guy and Ashton perceived him as threatening, he didn't Attack him. He didn't engage in any kind of physical altercation at all. He just asks what the guy said to Luke and then immediately focuses on Luke's well-being instead of attacking whoever he thought was the reason behind Luke’s distress. It shows that his priority is Luke's safety first, not violence or holding someone "responsible."

6. He establishes his own boundaries. I think a lot of times, in order to make others more comfortable, people neglect their own boundaries and that can often put pressure on a relationship and create a very unhealthy dynamic. so it was important for me to show that FP Ash isn't just setting aside his own comfort levels to take care of Luke. And, whenever their wants don't align, he offers compromises and other possible solutions. <3

He says, in as even and kind a voice as he can, obviously knowing the words are going to hurt, “Luke, I’m not going to sleep in the same bed with you, okay? Especially not when you’re drunk. That’s not something I’m comfortable with. I’m sorry.”

Luke’s vision is getting blurry. His voice comes out cracked. “No, I’m sorry. I’m just—I’m so tired and it helps when there’s someone there and I-"

“Shh.” Ashton lowers himself back to sit on the edge of the bed. “Luke, it’s gonna be fine. Here, I’ll sit with you until you fall asleep instead, would that be okay?”

7. He's cute!! Character contrasts can be really hard to write at times and this Ashton in particular is so... filled with layers and direct contradictions. it's difficult to make him somehow kind of a Dick but not Mean and sassy but not rude and youthful but not innocent or naïve and... yeah, he's a lot of things all in one and it was hard to make him feel like the same person throughout. And, for most of the fic, I wouldn't say this Ash is particularly adorable because he is consistently putting up walls to protect himself but then, as he gets more comfortable with Luke, there are little moments where he's just Cute and carefree as he lets his guard down.

Ashton trills happily and puts his toothbrush back, expressing enthusiastically, “Yesh! Thwanks. Lo’e my nwame.”

&

Ashton laughs at him, mocking an offended expression. “Mr. Hemmings! Sir! You can’t say a thing like that to me! You’re my boss!” He fans himself exaggeratedly. “Oh, whatever would the girls back home think? My superior attempting to invite me to a whore house! My God, I feel faint!”

8. He's a respectful slut. I've at this point in my fanfic career written a lot of slutty guys, as you may have noticed. I love writing slutty characters. And one of the things I really like about this Ash is that he is definitely sex-positive. He’s a touch of a whore. But, unlike a lot of my other slutty characters, he's not very... raunchy. He always waits for the other person to make the first move, even if he actively enjoys sex and talking about it at times. At no point does he actively flirt with Luke or try and entice him into sexual situations (even if he makes a few jokes about their fictional sex life and also gets a little defensive in the beginning of the story about Luke possibly contracting him for sexual favors). Once he and Luke are comfortable with one another, he is always careful to keep from pushing too far and after they kiss, he never so much as alludes to wanting to go any further. But he's also very open about enjoying sex!! and he doesn't feel bad about it <33 which is something I appreciate it.

Luke brows are drawn up sadly. He says, in a voice as quiet as he can make it without it being silent, “You’re not a slut.”

“Oh, I very much am.” Ashton giggles, rubbing his cheek against his arm. “It’s kind of a personality trait of mine.”

9. He understands the importance of having secrets. Obviously, in the last chapter of the fic, readers learn that Ashton has known the album was co-written the entire time. And he never told anyone. I think it says a lot about him that not only did he keep the secret to himself (even when he initially disliked Luke) but also, he didn't even tell Luke he knew because he didn't want to make Luke worry about it being used as blackmail against him.

“I heard you on the phone with him the first night,” Ashton explains like he's scared to, playing his bottom lip through his teeth. “I’ve known the entire time.”

“And you—” Luke gapes— “And you didn’t tell anyone?”

“Of course not.” Ashton reaches out to clasp at Luke’s knee fondly with a large hand, holding on tight. “That’s your secret. Not mine. I’m not gonna tell anyone.”

10. He never asks for more than someone's willing to give. This is genuinely one of my favorite "confession" scenes I've ever written just for this bit right here:

Ashton shrugs. “You gave a lot of yourself to him. I get it. And I get that part of you still loves him. Maybe part of you always will. But whatever part you’ve got left to give, I want it if you’re willing to give it. Whatever you want to give of you, I’ll take. I want all of it.”

11. He's so unbelievably chill. To this point in his life, FP Ash has been through a lot of bad stuff and he is at the phase where he just could not give A Single Shit. And I just love it. I love the casual attitude of "eh, if I can't control it, why bother caring about it?" It's something that's very important to balance Anxiety-ridden Luke out. It's the kind of attitude he really needs to be around, especially after being with someone who was also so terrified of perception.

He nuzzles into Ashton’s shoulder, chortling softly while blush decorates his cheeks and wonders, lips almost touching Ashton’s hot skin, “It didn’t upset you at all? Really?”

“No.” Ashton’s voice is close to his hair, proving to Luke that Ashton’s head is still currently tipped down to look at him and he probably still has that cute double chin. “That’s not a story about me. It’s a story about a guy with my face and my name but it isn’t me. So why would it bother me?”

12. He's a mystery. Everything we learn about Ashton's past, we learn from someone else without Ashton’s consent. In fact, it’s kind of implied that Ashton has been trying to hide his past. This is mostly a technical story thing but FP Ashton, for the most part, remains a mystery to us throughout the fic. And, honestly, even by the end of the fic we still don't know That Much about him. But I really like when Luke starts discovering Young Ashton through twitter and it's an entirely different version of Ash to the guy he currently knows. It insinuates that - in the world of this fic - Ash was a different person before. He was a session drummer from Sydney with honey hair and a more open, happy-go-lucky attitude. So that means that something happened to alter him. Something made him change career paths and give up music. Something made him dye his hair. Something made him different. What was it??

There’s one video that circles more than the others. A video of a honey-haired guy banging on a drum kit with a condor tattoo on the back of his neck. It’s Ashton. Maybe. Sort of. It’s a part of him. It’s a version of Ashton that Luke has never known before.

But this version of Ashton is the one that decorates his phone now. This honey-haired, dimpled young guy who plays drums and flips off the camera while giggling.

Luke thinks obsessed is a strong word to use… but he’s obsessed with him. He’s overwhelmed by him. This younger piece of Ashton who grins bashfully whenever the camera is pointed at him and plays drums in such a way that with every beat, a jolt of electricity rocks through him so his entire body moves when he plays.

Obviously, this description is meant to be a contrast to the Ashton readers have gotten to know to this point. Current Ashton isn't very bashful by any stretch and he doesn't have honey hair anymore and he doesn't play drums. At no point in Fine Print does Ash ever even so much allude to having played music in the past even though he’s working for a musician. So this insinuates that there's a tension between him and music. Which the begs the question!! why!! why doesn't he play drums anymore!! Who knows!! and we never find out lmfao!! I never tell you guys!! I just really love having a character that has so many questions a reader can fill in on their own if they want to. And this Ash is full of questions!!! There's so much about him readers simply don't know. All you know about him, really, is his personality. You know that he's a little sassy and a little sweet and a little cruel in the most kind way. And that’s all you really need to know to love the little guy.

So, yeah, that's why I love my boy <3

thank you sm for asking

[wizkiddx]

ohmyword if your doing req can u pls do another fluffy, domestic one bcos honeymoon morning is some i read daily AHAH maybe like the reader gets ill and toms away or something???? pls just anything fluffy

awh thank you for being so sweet abt honeymoon morning - I do think that's one of my favourite concepts ive done!! and I hope this suits what you want, im not so sure myself but I tried :)))

summary: you try to hide being ill from Tom before he leaves but inevitably it doesn't all go to plan

warnings: mentions of being sick, I think that's all - basically just fluff 

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

The night hadn’t really gone typically at all. Instead of relishing the last night with Tom for a few months, your body seemed to have different plans. Hence why now you were curled up in a ball on the sofa, staring blankly at the TV, while the washing machine whirred next-door in the utility room and the chemical smell of cleaning products enveloped the downstairs. At least when you were sick, you were a clean sick. 

You were also a quiet sick. You had been pulled from your sleep by the uncomfortable heavy sensation from your stomach barely an hour after you’d both headed to bed. Why was beyond you - what had been important in that moment was to get away from Tom. He was flying back to set tomorrow (or given the early hours currently, lunchtime today was more appropriate) and only had a single day to settle before launching back into filming. So the poor boy was inevitably, given time zones, going to be running on poor quality plane sleep for the next couple of days - you wanted to five him a final night of peace, at least. 

As a result, you’d crept downstairs and since then spent a large chunk of the night making good friends with the downstairs toilet bowl. Once you were absolutely certain there was literally nothing else in your stomach, you chucked some bleach down the loo; then stripped your *stained* pyjamas and chucked them in the washing machine; changed into some freshly washed stuff in the utility (comprising of joggers and one of Tom’s hoodies); before you could curl up in the corner of the sofa. 

And that’s how you’d been for an hour or so. Still feeling grim, unable to fall asleep as much as you were trying to and generally just lying in a ball of self pity. And that was fine… until you heard the unmistakable slow padding of footsteps down the stairs. 

“Love?… -hy’re you up?” His voice was drenched in sleep, making it pull on your heart strings, even before he had rounded the sofa and come into view. Dressed only in his heather grey joggers only, Tom’s curls sat ontop of his head wildly - sticking up at all ridiculous angles. And then there was his puffy eyes, barely open as he slowly processed the sight of you curled up on the sofa. 

“Just couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to keep you up tossing and turning. Why are you up bub?”

“Don’t sleep good without you… you know kicking me and stealing the duvet and stuff.” Never one to maintain a level of seriousness and ‘soppiness’ - it was instantly turned back to the typical relationship of the two of you. While rolling your eyes, you still chuckled at him in the low light of the TV. Tom took the opportunity to perch on the edge of the sofa, sitting so he was grinning loopily down at you. “You fancied putting a wash on too?” 

“...I don’t know just trying to be productive?” He was catching on, he was suspicious. You could tell. His eyebrows furrowed together and he delicately hovered the back of his hand over your forehead, feeling the undeniable heat radiate into his skin. 

“And bleach?”

“Toilet needed doing anyway.” You mumbled, head turning to stare back at the TV- knowing his eyes were piercing into your soul. He sighed, in your peripheries you could see him shaking his head in slight frustration, as his hand reached for yours, giving it a squeeze. 

“You’re ill aren’t you?”

“I’m alright-“ he cut you off with a low warning of your name, making you cower slightly because he’d caught you in a lie. “I threw up a couple times but now I just feel a bit ‘eugh’”. That was, to be fair, a completely truthful description of your evening and current situation. Maybe not put most eloquently but Tom definitely got the messsage, somehow reading your mind by lightly massaging your abdomen with his hand that wasn’t clasped with yours. 

“Come on... let’s get you back to bed.” As much as you wanted to argue with him, it was clear any attempt would be futile. One of things you love so much about Tom is how fiercely protective he is of those dear to him. His circles progressively shrunk as he learnt who he could trust and who ... well he couldn’t. The culling had left a handful of people who were almost central to Tom’s life - somehow you’d managed to wangle your way into these select few too. 

So no, there was not point arguing or suggesting he puts his own welfare first. 

After putting you back int the double bed, Tom had disappeared for 10 minutes or so, when he reinterred the room it was clear he’d been busy. His tongue was stuck out in focus as he tried to balance different mugs and plates on a tray to you. Even if you felt shitty, for a moment by just seeing how far this guy had gone for you - you’d never felt better. 

“Okay there’s some lemsip with honey to settle your stomach, water and a slice of toast just because you should probably see if you can keep something down.”

“You really are the sweetest.”

“And you’re the illest so get drinking love.” He laughed softly in the yellow glow of the bedside lamps that illuminated the room. It highlighted his prominent jaw line and the way his eyes crinkled in the corners and given your slightly off state, you might’ve spent a bit too long ogling at the man cosied up next to you. Never would there be a time you weren’t grateful for him. 

Turns out you couldn’t keep the toast down but the experience was somewhat less horrific - this time you were spilling your guts out into your ensuite, while Tom held your hair and rubbed your back. Eventually things settled, allowing The two of you nestle back into bed, Tom wrapping his arms round your stomach to lightly trace random patterns on the skin underneath your hoodie - as you nestled back into his chest more. 

“I really love you Tom”

“Love you darling, now get some rest and shout if you need anything.” You hummed lightly, almost letting go to sleep now your felt a bit less like your intenpstines were wringing themselves together. But not quite. 

“I’m gonna miss you and your stupid face.”

“We can talk about that when your better” It was as if Tom thought whispering and drawing circles on your stomach was going to deafen you to his words. Yes your stomach wasn’t having a lot of fun and you were tired - but you were not deaf. It was oh so predictable too, he loved to be absolutely ridiculous. Indignantly you huffed, rolling over and eyeing him intently. 

“What’s there to talk about?” 

“Just…. Just if your sick you shouldn’t be on your own. I could always just-“

“No no you couldn’t. You and me both know for a fact you do have a choice and even if you did it be pissing off a hell of a lot of people.” He pouted, you could tell even in the darkness of the night. 

“I hate having to leave you though, especially like this.”

“Yes but you love your work too. I’ll be here when you get back… maybe just with a bit less intestines.” Laughing at that, Tom pulled you onto his chest, pressing his tips to the crown of your head as your burrowed into his side. 

It can’t have taken more than 5 seconds for you to fall asleep, exhausted from the illness, the stupid time in the morning and maybe slightly for dealing with Toms idiocy.  

You were awoken in the morning to Tom stroking your hair gently, all dressed and ready for his flight - but still finding the time to fuss over you and wanting to say a proper goodbye. After practically ordering his to leave… you best believe he dropped in the fact he’d got both Sam and Harry to come round as your babysitter. 

He was an idiot. But he was your kind, caring , beautiful and loving idiot. 

[17tetsuro]

could u do fake dating headcanons where they slowly fall for u w atsumu, kenma & oikawa,, gn pronounces are fine :)

haikyuu boys slowly falling for you (fake dating edition) (gn!reader)

feat: atsumu, kenma, oikawa

warnings: fake dating, abuse of cliche tropes and commas and question marks, timeskip setting because im anything but creative, swearing

requests are open!

a/n: thank you for requesting this!! i hope you like it :D

atsumu

* you’ve been friends with him ever since high school and you watched his career grow

* youre both equally proud of each other n your friendship is built on mutual respect, trust and love

* you basically live in his apartment, with how much time you spend over there

* he would complain 24/7 about not having anyone to go to events with

* at one point you wanted to strangle him for never shutting up about it so you propose you go with him from time to time

* atsumu: “yeah, that was a setup”

* he KNOWS you’re drop dead gorgeous and everyone will be jealous of him that you’re with him (and you also look very good in formalwear, which he very much enjoys)

* and you get to have free food and drinks and also wear immaculate expensive clothes

* so,, you became his regular date for sponsorship events and stuff

* and you never really outright said you were just friends?? so you’re used to the media portraying you two as lovers but your close circle is aware that your relationship is platonic

* everything was going great until one of his sponsor company’s heir started hitting on you

* atsumu saw you flirting with the person and his mind went blank

* he,, he didn’t understand why he wanted to commit multiple crimes on the spot

* bokuto conveniently showed up next to atsumu at that moment

“hey, atsumu? why is your date flirting with them?” bokuto asked, suddenly appearing next to atsumu, which startled the latter out of his thoughts.

a better question would be why atsumu saw red at the thought of you getting friendly with anyone but him that night. he tried his best to keep his composure, but it was hard when you rested a hand on the heir’s shoulder, leaning your head back while laughing.

“atsumu, are you not going to answer me? your lover is-“

“my what?” atsumu asked, attention now completely off you.

“your lover? is that a term you don’t like? i could say partner... significant other... or anything you want, really,” bokuto answered, apologizing.

“you- you think me and (y/n) are together?”

“aren’t you? what, with the way you look at each other i was convinced you two were like... high school sweethearts or something, who hate pda,” bokuto explained, while atsumu’s eyes trailed back to you.

“you think... you think they’d wan’ me?”

“are you blind, buddy?”

you must have sensed their gazes, because as soon as those words left bokuto’s mouth, your eyes snapped towards atsumu and bokuto. the latter started waving with a cheerful smile while the former just stood, entranced by you and your presence. atsumu noticed traces of confusion appearing on your face, and watched as you excused yourself from the conversation you were previously interested in.

“‘tsumu, are you alright?” you questioned, approaching the pair. bokuto grinned and left, which made you even more confused.

“yeah, i’m fi- fine. hey, uh, (y/n), say... do you- why did you offer to come to these events as my date?” atsumu asked, eyes dead set on yours. you cracked a confused smile. you seemed to be capable of nothing but confusion at the moment.

“because you’re my best friend and i hated to see you so down because of your loneliness at these gatherings,” you replied, holding his gaze. “why didn’t you oppose it?”

his eyes studied you and when he saw nothing but sincerity, he let out a loud sigh. this was all very new and confusing to him. it’s like bokuto calling you atsumu’s lover set off a bomb inside his head that instead of causing a mess, made everything fall into place; why his gaze seemed to linger on you more often than before, why he was so eager to choose your outfits for these events, why he went to parties he didn’t even have to attend, why he got so jealous and angry when he saw you with the cute heir.

“holy shit,” he breathed and ran his hands through his hair, letting out a nervous chuckle and lowering his gaze to the ground. “holy shit.”

“you look like you’ve been enlightened, and i love that for you, but ‘tsumu, i’m still very confused.”

“i’m in love with you,” he said in disbelief, and quickly snapped his eyes back to your face when he realized he said it out loud. “i- i mean- i’m not in love with you, no way in hell, you’re- you’re my best friend, you- you smack my head whenever i say somethin’ inappropriate, you keep me from underminin’ myself, you always lift my spirits and for fuck’s sake, please, stop lookin’ at me like that because i will be getting hopeful and if you’re just joking, i will never hear the end of it and-“

you finally hd enough of his rambling and cut him off with a kiss. at first he froze, but seconds later he melted into your embrace, hands sneaking around your waist, pulling you closer.

when your lips separated, atsumu gasping for air after his word vomit and the long kiss you shared, you spoke up. “miya atsumu, you’re a real dumbass, you know that?”

his breath hitched and you kept quiet for a second to let him suffer a bit.

“but you’re my dumbass. i love you, you absolute piece of work.”

atsumu honest to god giggled and leaned in for another kiss, which you gave him without hesitation.

somewhere in the room, bokuto was collecting the money sakusa promised to give him if he got you two to kiss.

kenma

* kenma and you are both twitch streamers with similar content so you knew of each other but weren’t properly introduced

* until one of your mutual friends invited you both to stream among us with them

* you obv accepted

* so during the 3 hr stream, you and kenma were imposters together a lot and had the biggest, most twisted imp plays

* a friendly competition broke out at one point, too, trying to see who exposed the most impostors between the two of you

* your fans ate your dynamic up

* from then on, you two interacted more and started to appear in each others’ streams

* kenma even invited you to his minecraft smp

* you became besties basically

* SO

* all fun and games

* and then a huge sponsorship opportunity rolled in

* and the people at the company assumed you were dating

* uh oh

* you couldnt just tell them they have it wrong bc the whole thing depended on your relationship

* so

* big brain kenma suggest you two start to “date”

* you were against deceiving your followers but kenma assured you you could have a public breakup and tell everyone you were better off as friends

* so you reluctantly agreed

* it was only for two months anyways, what could go wrong?

* both of you, on week 3, in separate discord calls: uh oh, im in l*ve

* you both tried to cope (read: repress everything) but the realization on both of your parts threw your dynamic off a bit and fans have noticed

* so you had to do something abt it

* so kenma suggested you try your hand at a minecraft challenge together

* it was all fun and games until it wasnt

* you somehow ended up flirting back and forth ????

* chat was goin crazy, even in sub only mode

* both of you: ha ha im in danger

* when the stream ended, you stayed on call, because that was a routine you stuck to no matter what

“so... how are you doing?” you asked kenma, trying to clear the awkwardness from the air.

“good.”

maybe you should have taken kenma’s refusal to talk about anything into account when initiating conversation.

kenma, on the other end of the call was anxiously playing with his fingers, trying to figure out if his chat was right, and you were indeed flirting with him. and him with you. god.

“hey, y/n,” kenma said after a while, “were you flirting with me?”

his bluntness startled you and you had to mute yourself for a few seconds while you collected yourself.

“is there a correct answer?” you asked hesitantly.

“yes.”

“oh... uhm, maybe? it wasn’t intentional. or maybe it was, subconsciously, i don’t know,” you admitted quietly.

“good. it was intentional on my part, i think,” and okay, that was not the reply you expected to hear.

“really?”

“yeah, i- i like you i guess,” he said, sounding more confident by the minute. “do you like me too?”

“i- yeah. i do. i like you, kenma,” you replied, sighing a breath of relief. it felt good to admit it aloud to him.

“do you- would you maybe want to come over?” he asked sheepishly, which made absolutely no sense because he sounded so confident a second ago. “we could play mario kart?”

you let the beaming smile you were holding back take over your face. “i’ll be there in 10, kenma.”

“i’ll be waiting for you.”

oikawa

* on god mans hated your guts

* like,, okay, you were iwa’s close friend but you were so annoyingly honest all the time

* it drove him mad

* what also drove him mad is the fact that you loved to tease him

* no matter what the circumstance, whether he was in japan or in argentina, you always found a way to make him blush

* okay so maybe hate is a strong word, because he kind of thought you were pretty, but in a platonic way

* dumbass

* iwa always give both of you shit for not liking each other

* so you came up with a big brain idea

* you: ”oikawa! we should date!”

* oikawa: “what”

* after you explained the concept of fake dating to him and its benefits (which included a staged dramatic breakup, giving you both a reason to hate each other without iwa complaining)

* he was totally down

* iwa, when he first saw you holding hands: “i knew it”

* SO!! thus began weeks of pretending to be in love with each other for the sake of iwa

* which turned from pretending to not pretending real quick for your liking

* falling in love with oikawa was not a plan of yours

* (falling in love with you wasn’t his, either)

* with iwa’s constant nagging of “i knew it, you both were head over heels for each other from the moment you met”, the time for the breakup came quicker than expected (maybe you both had enough. so what.)

* you agreed to do it in front of iwa so he could see it happen

* you chose a mcdonalds parking lot, because then you could storm off and iwa would follow you to make sure you were ok and oikawa could go home and sleep

* maybe winging it was not the best idea

“babe,” you said with venom, “haven’t i told you a thousand times that i do not want to hear about your exes? seriously, it’s like the only thing you talk about,” you complained, as your fake-boyfriend took a sip from his drink.

“well, babe,” his tone matching yours, “i would shut up about them if took the hint sometimes. maybe i don’t like going to the movies as much as you seem to, it’s boring,” he rolled his eyes, subtly glancing at iwa, who looked very uncomfortable third wheeling your argument. good

“jerk. i don’t even want to go to the movies that much, asshole,” you spat, crushing your empty cup in your hand.

“oh, you want to go to the movies plenty. face it, (y/n), you’re boring. no wonder you didn’t have a boyfriend before me,” he replied and his words, even though you knew were fake, still hit hard and you couldn’t help the tears gathering in your eyes.

“okay, then, thanks for these wonderful past few weeks, so glad you decided to take pity on me.” you tried to keep acting, encouraging yourself with the fact that if oikwa meant what he said, you wouldn’t have to talk to him if iwaizumi finally saw you two break up.

you expected a lot of things, but genuineness in oikawa’s eyes was not one of them.

“(y/n), i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it like that,” oikawa pleaded, clearly forgetting about your mutual goal.

with a mumbled whatever, you started walking home, letting the sunset wash over your face. when you knew you were out of sight, you sat down on a bench and just started crying.

you don’t know how much time passed, but you heard a voice behind you speak up.

“hey (y/n).”

“what the fuck do you want, oikawa? to rub in the fact that my first boyfriend was just faking it so his best friend would get off his back? leave me alone, jerk,” you said, trying to wipe your tears away.

“i- i didn’t mean it like that, please, believe me,” he replied, taking a seat next to you. you scooted away from him. he sighed.

“why would i believe you? why do you want to make up, anyways? this fight was pretty real, no way iwaizumi didn’t believe it,” you sniffed.

“because maybe... maybe i was very happy about the fact that i could be your boyfriend, even if it was fake. maybe i’m in love with you,” he said softly, leaning towards you.

“please, stop playing games. it’s over,” you replied, trying very hard to ignore the raw emotion in his voice as he spoke.

“i really am, (y/n). i wasn’t at first, i admit it, but now i am. i love you, please, believe me,” he begged and you finally made eye contact with him. eyes were mirrors of the soul, after all.

you studied his face for a few minutes, looking for anything that could indicate he was trying to pull a shit prank on you, but you found nothing.

“asshole. maybe i’m in love with you too, what would you do if i said that?” you asked, wiping your nose with your sleeves.

“kiss you.”

“do it, then, i guess. but you’re still not completely forgiven.”

“what do i have to do to earn your forgiveness, (y/n)?” he asked and you sent him a mischievous smile.

“take the blame for this whole fiasco with iwaizumi.” he froze at your words and visibly gulped, but nodded nonetheless.

“okay, i will. can i kiss you now?”

you rolled your eyes. “yeah.”

and he did.

[thisdreamplace]

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

[sunsetsover]

Just hopping on the anons last week who said they'd done reading around BPD and Ben etc after reading your posts to say... when Whitney told Ben he makes everything about himself in this week's eps I immediately thought of you! Like lemme explain lmao I remember last year you wrote about how lots of fans said Ben was making everything about him when him and Callum had that argument about the warehouse job in Sept.? And you wrote about how you viewed it and how looking at Ben through a lense of mh goes a different interpretation etc. Idk Whitney saying that just made me recall your thoughts on the fandom saying the same thing lmao.

(although tbh I didn't think Whitney was v fair saying that anyway bc how was he meant to know Callum had witnessed a stabbing etc?? He wasn't making it about himself he was simply worrying about the info he had access to???)

no joke i literally thought the exact same thing after i watched it yesterday. not the post (tho i do remember what you're talking about!) but i was like 'oh ben's behaviour is VERY bpd' like probably the most obvious example we've had since 2019 maybe and then i was like man.... how many people are going to have Bad Takes abt ben's behaviour and how he's 'selfish' and then i was thinking abt what whit said and it reminded me of something i heard once and i've tried to find it but i can't and i'm gutted bc it made so much sense but it was abt how bpd are often viewed as selfish or making everything abt us but we do that bc we literally feel like everything IS because of us/our fault. it's literally a Symptom. like when you're hypersensitive and terrified of everyone abandoning you EVERYTHING feels personal.

like someone's in a bad mood? clearly i have done something to put them in a bad mood. someone doesn't reply? clearly they hate me. you smile at someone in public and they don't smile back? clearly they can sense something is Wrong with me and didn't want to engage. either that or they think i'm hideously ugly. that's the default assumption, that it's somehow something to do with me. not that they're going thru their own shit or that they're busy or tired. and then when we're talking abt someone you're close too, the fear of abandonment comes into play where you either start to push them away bc you're convinced they're gonna leave anyway or frantically do things or change things to help convince them to stay, and both of these can go very extreme. and ofc it's not logical but we can't help it. i'm always saying this to people in my life: i know how i'm feeling/what i'm doing isn't logical and it doesn't make sense, but i literally can't help it. it's like the sensible you is locked in the back of your brain forced to witness all of your own bs but they're literally powerless to do anything about it.

which is also why i can understand under the hysteria of your own fear of abandonment and hypersensitivity why ben could convince himself callum was gonna leave him for whitney. like ofc i get why ppl would find that unrealistic and offensive, but i can't NOT see him as bpd, and when you have bpd that fear of abandonment is so so incredibly pervasive that you start thinking things like that and convince yourself that they're real. like you genuinely believe them. and someone of sound mind is like 'that doesn't make any sense, he's gay' but like.... that almost is irrelevant to a certain degree. your own belief that you're so unlovable and that everyone is going to leave you holds SO much weight in your mind, more than even reality itself.

like you could almost compare it to hallucination. reality and logic dictates that it's impossible for there to be a man crawling on the ceiling, but if you can see it and hear it and feel it then ofc you're going to believe it's real. reality and logic become irrelevant bc you KNOW it's there, even though it isn't, u know? it's the same kind of thing: reality says ofc callum isn't gonna propose to whitney when he's married and literally gay, but that all-consuming fear of abandonment is so much louder when it says 'he's lying, he's sneaking around w his ex, he's not talking to you about anything, he's got a ring, ofc he's gonna propose to her, she didn't ask him to quit his job or force him into a position where he had to lie for months, ofc he was gonna leave, he just married you out of pity, this is all your fault, you don't deserve happiness or love bc you're a bad person lmao what did you even expect?' etc u know

if i'm being completely honest if i were in ben's shoes i could EASILY see myself being convinced my gay partner is gonna leave me for their ex of the opposite sex. like worryingly easily. and tbh between that and what was going on with kheerat, i actually think he coped surprisingly well. like i genuinely thought that yesterday that if i was in his situation i probably would have reacted much worse and been in much worse a state than he was. and i'm not just saying that, i think his growth since 2019 is obvious in how tame his reaction to it all was tbh.

i realize probably no one will bother but if anyone really is interested and wants to understand more then u should watch this video. i've timestamped it at the first point bc if nothing else u should listen to that bc it helps explain what i've said in a much better way esp the example abt clearing out the garage but the whole video is really good and i would love for some ppl to watch it. like i know it's half hour and that's a long time and also the interviewer is obnoxious and p insensitive but the doctor herself is really good and explains everything i've been trying to explain in a MUCH better way than i ever could and i think it will really help you understand what it's like to be someone bpd and what it actually means for day to day life

like i realize i've completely gone off on one w this and im sorry but i have opinions and i just want people to understand you know?? not necessarily for ben as a character but for all the ppl out there w bpd bc !!!! no one gives a fuck abt us they just misunderstand us and then do literally nothing to try and understand us when we try to explain ourselves so to have ppl actually engaging in this dialogue w me makes me very excited and i try to explain as much as i can while i have the opportunity u know lmao so i very much appreciate you and getting messages like this thank you 💞💞💞

[illnessfaker]

[ cw: f-slur, rape mention ]

no reblogs pls. this is a long vent.

haha not to be a hysterical faggot crippled shut-in freak or anything but the way ppl talk abt the defensiveness around the f-slur that some gay/bi male users (and some transfem users) on here as if it's some kind superiority pissing contest thing and not primarily about...respecting the boundaries and experiences of those gay/bi male (and transfem) users. like...being on this site as a fag-adjacent person (i say that half-jokingly because it sounds silly on one hand but on the other that's the most accurate descriptor of my gender identity, lol) is becoming increasingly draining and upsetting with how "progressive" homophobia against gay/bi men is apparently becoming, like, a meme among lgbtq people and that's acceptable somehow bc lgbtq people aren't cishets or because it's "only online" and therefore doesn't matter.

like idgaf abt ppl who aren't gay/bi men (or transfem) using the f-slur in every single context possible. if they're affectionately referring to their gay/bi male (or transfem) friends with that word (so long as said friends are comfortable with it) that's one thing. who cares. i even rb'd something where a cis butch (iirc) lesbian was talking about a gay man she knew who she was affectionatly calling a faggot and the things she said warmed my heart. if they're throwing it around at every opportunity or using it as an edgy insult against random strangers on the internet, that's another. the users on here who do the latter also regularly display behavior that like...shows a pretty clear disdain for gay/bi men (or transfem ppl) not apart of their online or "irl" circlejerks and echo chambers, and that is in no way disconnected from their love of using the f-slur, lol.

the "it's only online and so it's unimportant uwu go outside" thing also really feels like such a spit in the face as someone who both lives in a rural area full of cishet white men with guns that might try to kill me if i walked out of the house in drag (not to mention i live with my bf and his family and his parents are homophobes themselves i'm sure), and is also someone with health issues that usually keep me at home and in bed when i'm not working. i didn't always live here but even in my hometown the only "lgbtq space" i had was the high school GSA which didn't do shit other than the day of silence and was attended by people i did not feel safe around (e.g. my ex-friend who was very emotionally manipulative and ended up raping someone.) i don't have any other lgbtq spaces to go to other than online ones. if i never joined tumblr i might still be a self-hating cishet girl, or i might be dead, who knows. like, i've accepted at this point that personhood isn't something i'm allowed in (outside of my whiteness) so fuck me i guess if we need to but the idea that other young, impressionable, and/or traumatized lgbtq people who only can meet other lgbtq people and learn about lgbtq things online for whatever reason don't deserve to have us make an effort on cultivating internet spaces that are as accessible and safe for them as possible, or that their experiences and feelings are somehow unimportant is just...vile. like ofc not everyone needs to "pander" to "logged on" disabled fags like myself maybe but if you have any kind of large following on social media maybe consider that the things you say and do on said social media have like...an actual effect on other people instead of pretending that it's "just online" and therefore consequences for your actions either don't matter enough (to you personally) or somehow don't exist.

but going back to the fag thing, most popular lgbtq tumblr users on my dash i see nowadays just...simply do not give a shit whatsoever about gay/bi men, to the point they're normalizing "progressive" and "acceptable" homphobia against us bc they've convinced themselves due to the bigotry some gay/bi men (often cis, white, and wealthy mind you) exhibit we are "the cishets of the lgbtq community," despite horrific violence still being committed against us every day and despite other lgbtq people being capable of engaging in that violence themselves. ppl make thinly veiled jokes and memes where the punchline is men having sex with each other or effeminacy as if those things aren't primary avenues for gay/bi men being abused, assaulted, and killed (including acts of abuse and assault of a sexually-driven nature), as if said jokes and memes don't serve to normalize the mentalities that drive homophobic hate crimes. it's not like...a coincidence that most lgbtq people who makes these jokes aren't gay/bi men (or transfem). this doesn't even get into how things like homophobia and anti-effeminacy can pretty much boot certain gay/bi men from manhood...or womanhood...or any place in gender altogether.

call me exlusionary if you want but i think it's fair to say that the chances of people who aren't gay/bi men (or transfem*) facing the repurcussions of those mentalities in any meaningful way, the chances of these people actually having lived as or going to live as "faggots" is any meaningful sense is slim to none, and that's why they're so comfortable participating in this shit, and that's why i'm triggered(tm) by them "reclaiming" faggot (which doesn't really involve reclamation bc calling random strangers on the internet or gay/bi men you hate a slur isn't reclamation you morons), because frankly if you're not apart of either of those groups, you're just not a fucking faggot. it's not your word just because some rando on overwatch called you it for picking hanzo in comp. period. end of story. it's also just extremely absurd to try and claim faggotry as something you experience while...readily and happily engaging in homophobia and fag-hate (which isn't synonymous with the former term but i'm talking abt ppl who probably seldom ever engage which discussions and theory surrounding how homophobia instrumentates itself in society - or at least that which doesn't conform to their worldview). within the gay/bi male community there's plentu of masc "straight-acting" gays who weaponize this shit against fem gays and they (should) get held accountable in the same way. you're not special.

and god, being told my gendered experiences as a fag-adjacent person where (white) cafab women are fully capable of engaging in social forms of "oppression" against me and other fags in undeniably gendered ways is somehow an outlier and therefore not reflective of broader social by (white) masc urbanite tbros with definitively more social standing than i'll ever have in my life, as if i somehow developed this understanding of gendered violence just based off my own life and not...the reported and sometimes even recorded experiences of countless other fags who get mocked and silenced because anything that deviates from a watered down, shoddy cis feminist take on gender is fake news(tm) or bordering on saying misandry exists (like no it doesn't exist but acting as if homophobic shit like anti-sodomy laws, for example, has zero to do with gay/bi men's manhood is just nonsensical). convos on here abt gender being mostly dominated by (white) cafab women or sometimes (white) masc trans guys is such a mistake lmao.

anyway i'm tired and stressed and pretty done with having "acceptable" homophobic shit shoved in my face on a daily basis both online and offline but nevertheless i must persist because i'm not lucky enough to have anywhere else to go, really. just...think critically abt ur actions regarding gay/bi male sexuality and gender-stuff pretty please. please.

( *disclaimer just in case that i definitely don't see transfems as some "type" of gay/bi men. there are transfems who identify with gay/bi manhood and/or faggotry. there are transfems who don't. that's entirely up to them. thank u. )

[renaer-is-allegedly-hot]

session 13

wow i’m really out of it tonight lmao uh some highlights bc these r rlly atrocious:

adam shit himself and vomited over the dwarf in our basement

fought some ppl n killed; gotta hide six bodies

pregame !

Jacob n dom r talking abt other dnd campaigns

Jacob rigged explosives somewhere

They need souls to open coffins or smth

I REALIZED MY MIC IS MUTED SO THEY CAN’T HEAR ME SING THE GOLDEN GIRLS THEME SONG THE WAY MATTHEW GRAY GUBLER DOES HAHAHAHHAHA

Thank you for being a friend

Bum bum bum bum

Travel round the world and back again

If the truth be told you’re a friend and a confidant

Etc

Jacob explaining his eye scratch

I’m just sitting here singing the golden girls theme song

Tunnel vision in smash

I’m just renegading while they talk smash

Jacob wants to home alone our house the next night we have

Immovable rod is abt 3ft long

Last time on dnd asyna heard a window break

Roll initiative

Aerana and theo roll 22

Asyna rolls 21

Adam 13

Cel 6

Asyna was waking everyone up

Halfling size ballista ? In our turret ? Maybe

Ooh trebuchet is an interesting sans font

Aerana is going first

Double dash downstairs

You hear stuff on the first floor making noise; you and theo get to the second floor about to go downstairs

Theo in master bedroom double dashes towards where I am

Asyna

In watchtower, asyna's gonna try and do stuff from above ? Maybe .

Proposes turning into a hummingbird

Spike growth ? Grows spikes

Also creates rough terrain

In front of the door

Oop they're speaking goblin

Goblins

2d4 damage for each 5 ft they move

Some of them were able to get inside the house but still slowed down

Adam

Will cast cantrip

Thaumaturgy to boom voice 3x louder than normal "WHO DARES ENTER MY HOUSE PLEASE LEAVE WITHIN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS AND YOU WILL BE SPARED ,,, PLEASE"

Intimidation check

Lmao a 7

Entire house booms; everyone heard it but like effect?

Adam sleeps naked

Cel

Right in front of door to hall on second floor

Aerana

2 squares away from action at back of house

Theo

Also goes for pantry, same place generally as aerana

Asyna

Starts downstairs

Gonna turn into ape and try and make way down side of building as ape

Down p much by next turn

Goblins

Apparently being eaten up by spikes

Should I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I'm kinda craving

O shoot I gotta run soon for medicine

Adam

Dashing

This is just slow running in a dream

Cel

Base of stairs ?

Also heading towards pantry

Aerana

Bust in

Momentarily frozen

To the right next to basement hatch r two hulking figures covered in thick dark fur; kinda pointy ears, look kind of like goblins and v tall like easily 7ft

Big mauls

Bugbears

Can I fight?

23 to hit, 7 damage to closest one

The goblins trying to move the thing but not working well

Theo

I'M GONNA RUN TO GRAB MY MEDS

Slashes at the one aerana didn't hit lmao I rlly just did that I'm breathing

15 barely misses

Goblin blocks lillian's strike

Asyna

Srsly should I make a sandwich

On first floor outside

Bro my headache went to the other side of my head wtf

Gonna go through a window

Follows them in and attacks a bunch of them

Bro I kinda rlly want a sandwich

17 and 18 to hit, 6 and 4 damage ?? 10 damage ?? 10 damage for both ??

KILLS BOTH OF THEM N I C E

Bashes their heads together

I'm making a sandwich

"it's a very forceful kiss"

Third one readies self

Lashes out at asyna, misses

Goblins

R also gonna try and attack aerana and theo

12 damage to theo

I'm eating my sandwich

One of the middle ones is gonna go for asyna, hits, 5 damage

That was a good sandwich might get another one

Adam

Bro I kinda want another sandwich

Gets downstairs w max speed and peeks in, sees aerana and theo and two dead guys by window and two more living fighting an ape

Looks at theo

Bro again I kinda want another sandwich

Makes the one that hit theo make a wisdom saving throw

Did not make it, hideous laughter

Mans can't stop laughing, has to make wisdom saving throw each turn ig

Adam has to tell a joke

Comes down and looks at bugbear, locks eyes

Our party walks into a bar . But most of us walk under it

What

Is this a short joke ?

I don't get it yikes

Panicked dom laughing

Tells us to not hit the guy laughing; save him for last

Bonus action uses cutting words on the one aerana is fighting; "fuck you"

Cel

I still kinda want another sandwich

To clarify my sandwich was like half

I think yesterday or smth I like hit my foot lol and I did the thing where I compose myself rlly quickly to ignore the pain and up my pain tolerance and it left a mark but like it literally doesn't hurt so not saying I'm upping my pain tolerance but one day if I ever got like idk shot or smth I'm not gonna have a reaction

Cel hits the one that's doing better w a spell and then does shortbow 25 to hit, 12 damage

"how do you want to do this?"

Takes an arrow right through his brainstem and the arrowhead goes out his mouth

Aerana

Wasted insightful fighting, didn't hit

Scream of frustration that I missed

Theo

Takes bow and tries to hit, 13 misses

Asyna

Do I rlly still want another sandwich

Hm

Hits on one roll, 7 damage

Guy is barely alive

Goblins

One that tries to attack aerana misses, guy on ground is now up, guy attacking asyna hits, 11 damage

Adam

Cutting words on guy that just got up "oh you're finally awake"

"ever heard of the one where the guy got back up"

Goblin rolls nat20

Cel

22 to hit, 9 damage

Stabs him, hurts

Aerana

13

"next time remember it"

If an ally is within 5 ft of you you get sneak attack

If u have advantage

Don't need advantage if another enemy of the target is within 5 ft of it

Start over

When rogues have advantage, get to add sneak attack

Can add sneak attack when u don't have advantage if

One of allies is within 5 ft of you

And if u don't have disadvantage

Theo

Gonna try for the bow again

Going for the one asyna's fighting

8 damage

Guy is on last legs

Asyna

Kills

Fun fact apes have been known to rip off the faces of their enemies

Rips face off then gently puts him down

Still two goblins left

Goblins

Try and run

Attacks of opportunity from celandine, theo and aerana

Nat20 from cel

Theo and aerana miss

I've missed like every hit what is this

14 damage from cel

They're still able to get away

Asyna makes attack of opportunity

I still kinda want another saaaandwich

Neither hit

Adam

33 across board for both for sleep; both fall over and hit ground, asleep

Adam goes outside and looks if anyone is watching outside their window

Looks like one of our neighbors is at their window out of the apothecary

Uses infernal legacy to cast darkness, blocking their darkvision

Puts it between fallah's house and bodies

Then drag the bodies

Adam is kinda sweaty n exerted

Aerana is watching ot, asyna takes one body cel adam and theo take the other

Theo is rolling damage

Cel binds their feet first and adam prepares sleep

Theo rolls 13 damage and one dies, other 15 and also dies

Why is my eye glitching lmao

Maybe I still want a sandwich

What time do I need to be up tomorrow wait

Idk lmao

We've brought our bodies in, the night is ours

It's 10ish at night

Adam's gonna sleep in jeans

Adam was not naked in combat ?

Or maybe he was

Adam doesn't wear pajamas so he had pants

Sleeping downstairs shifts for the night

Adam takes first shift

Adam is sweating a lot, feeling a little odd; feels super weak and cold and feels a little sick like he might throw up

Constitution saving throw

"can I feel this coming and give myself bardic inspiration?"

"uh . Sure"

"hold it in hold it in hold it in"

Check to see if he can make it to the bathroom

"boi that's just nasty" adam wakes up someone ? Adam

Adam wakes theo up

"you must be real glad I'm wearing pants right now"

Rolls nat1

Adam vomits onto theo ? Vomits into theo's cloak

Adam becomes violently ill

The key eventually comes out the butt

A 4

Able to makes way down hatch towards bucket by ot

Vomits on ot

"ot is, like, weeping"

Adam is weakened

So adam shit and hurled

Adam stomps it down the drain ?

Next morning

Adam comes down with the key

Adam's exhaustion is cured after long rest

We're not talking to adam today

Adam sets key on table "did you wash that first" theo / adam slowly takes key back

Adam casts sleep on ot to kind of relieve him

Cel goes to jones, one of the goblins informs cel that jones is out ,,, just out

Cel can't find jones

Home alone-ing the house now ?

Aerana

House was in state of disrepair before

Spike spell tore up front of house, lots of windows knocked out from fireball explosion and were damaged during fight

Bad to a little bit worse

Theo 20 for investigation

Random ropes and bricks, nails, wooden planks

Intelligence check w advantage

19, sets up a few different traps; two swinging brick traps when a door is opened + simple nails stuck into plank so would hurt if someone stepped on it

Asyna 9 for investigation

Cel sees jones putting a bunch of keys into the lock

Jones can't find the key to open his door

Jones is maybe gonna get some stooges to remove the bodies

10 dragons

Henrietta is gonna dump em

Astigmatism lmao

Back at the manor

Adam is done cleaning

Ot asked if he could be set free, adam says "this is my fault, I got it buddy"

Adam is going to the apothecary down the street

Walks up to counter, fallah is there

"heyo what's poppin fallah"

Takes out potion of necrotic resistance

Adam says he bought it at sea ward, roll for deception; 12

Why am I sO LETHARGIC ALL THE TIME !!!

Offers adam 50 gold

Pushes for 60, 10 for persuasion check

Just takes it for 50

Fallah gives medicine, smells like oregano

Adam goes in for a hug, hesitates then retracts

Goes to bardic school to talk to master

Yava is there

12 insight check

Yava is usually v composed but today

Yava is an elf so is like bruh wdym u trust me after knowing me for like a month

Asks abt house security

Adam just straight up tells her he's in trouble w the xanathar guild and is asking for glyph of warning spells ?

Persuasion check, gives self bardic inspiration

11, yava agrees to help

She's willing to do it for free

Can cover 8 entrances to the house

"I'd b willing to do this but adam u must b more careful"

Adam tells her he's dealing w a large sum of money - half a million dragons

There was half a million dragons embezzled ?

Yava thought it was just a rumor

Adam is idiot

Adam asks yava if she wants in

Idiot

[deathvsthemaiden]

Tagged by @kashilascorner to answer these writing questions! I’m not really a writer myself but her answers were v interesting+I know some other writers whose answers to these questions I wouldn’t mind seeing 👀 (I’m going stir crazy courtesy of quarantine+am nosy 🤗) warning/disclaimer/run while you still can alert: bc these qs are aimed at writers and I’m not one these answers aren’t going to “make sense” or “fit” per say, apologies in advance ✌🏽 I draw for fun though so my answers reflect that :P

1. When did you start writing?

I remember in elementary and middle school...I used to draw all sorts of random people in intricate outfits, and would get super into it, and through middle school to early high school especially I was a serial doodler who got in trouble alllll the time (I hold some petty, bitter grudges against a handful of teachers still.) (My eyes may have been on paper instead of on you but I was listening jerkwad! 😑) and like...fantasy was the 1st genre I fell in love with so I would try to come up with stories and whatnot for them but I was (am) so easily distracted and hapless that it went nowhere but I didn’t super mind. I just wanted to draw pretty outfits and the numerous (numerous) other images in my head and....still do. Writing stories requires a little more consistency and commitment than I’m willing to give 🤭😳 To sum up: I am flighty and can’t write for fun so I’ve never honest and to god began 🤷🏽‍♀️

2. Is there any special method that helps you getting to write?

(This is abt academic writing bc aside from texts it’s what I do most) I’m a mostly stationary lump of flesh and time is my catapult. I wait till deadlines are too close for comfort, pump myself full of caffeine, listen to music non stop and suffer suffer suffer.

Or on increasingly less rare (thank god) occasions when I am almost on top of things, I listen to music and pace around my room, typing in the google docs app on my phone while I type out garbled stream-of-consciousness notes-to-self, while considering the prompt, so future me has /something/ to work with. With the pacing it takes longer to write than when I’m at a desk but like. It’s less painful and I barely notice.

3. Do you listen to certain types of music to set the mood?

I have low tolerance for any slow/sad/soulful/hypnotic/crying songs so anything upbeat works and also I NEED lyrics most of the time, I have an almost as low tolerance for instrumentals. Like they’re fine but I also find myself sitting there waiting for something to “happen” (I’m sorry shcjfnfn) I listen to music while doing most things and, like pacing, I think it elongates tasks but also makes them less painful so!

4. Drawing, moodboards, character makers, music lists or none of those options?

All of those are fun, usually music and other people’s art is what inspires me to draw most though.

5. Would you prefer a big Hollywoodesque adaptation, a smaller project coming from the heart or no adaptation at all?

I usually have medium to major gripes with the most popular/big adaptations of books I feel strongly about so the 2nd option ✌🏽

6. Do you have any taboos or topics you try to actively avoid?

I’ll answer this as a reader. I have my limits to how much suffering I can read child characters in particular go through like I’ve dropped a book or two before for disturbing me too much in that regard. They weren’t bad!! I just personally didn’t wanna weather through that so I didn’t. I dropped Arundathi Roy’s The God of Small Things because of this, even though I loveddd the prose! :( I might try out her other book (books?) one day though. Stories dealing with such dark topics are important when done right etc. I just can’t stomach them 8/10 times

7. Are you in favor or against spoilers?

If the opportunity to experience whatever is being spoiled myself is unlikely/a long time coming/difficult to attain (because it has to be translated, localized, I need to wait a while to get my hands on a copy etc) I’m probably really really eager for spoilers and will search them out/ask people. If it’s something that consistently thrills me I /definitely/ do not want spoilers though!

Trying to get spoilers from me for things I love and have recommended is usually difficult, like I’ll do it you just have to show me you reallllly are sure you want this splendiddddd story ruineD for you! D:< (I joke. Spoilers don’t ruin good stories, not completely anyway)

8. Have you ever written something to appease or spite somebody else?

To appease? That’s my whole academic “”career”” lollll *shot* not to spite no! Sounds painstaking....like you need to make eff*rt 🥴 or smth.... 😬 mad and sincere respect to anyone out there with the drive to do that though! I’m just not that kind of gal......... I’m more than open to like. Proposing alternative versions of stuff that’s dissatisfied me when talking to friends (like x SUCKED it would’ve been so much better if y and z and t and v! Don’t u agree?) and I’ve drawn a few fan arts before where I like, edit character designs that infuriate me for being tasteless.

9. Being given the options “Candy Valley of the Lollipop” or “Cliff of Despair and Looming”, which one would you say approximates better to your WIP’s general aesthetic?

Hmm. Probs candy valley, Most of my ideas for drawing are like sunny in terms of mood, if that makes any sense. I love my fiction (as in the stuff I consume, not make) on the darker side though as long as it’s not like, pointless and obnoxious about it.

10. A media you weren’t expecting to inspire you, but does.

Hmm. Realistic fiction is nice but I can’t subsist on it, I need fantasy and magical realism and whatnot to stay sane, but sometimes I read a realistic fiction book and I have such crystal clear images of the scenes in my head and it impacts me so strongly that I really, really (really) am inspired to draw them (The Overstory by Richard Powers and The Little Friend by Donna Tartt come to mind)

Tagging: @howaboutswords @pinkafropuffs @adorakeys and anyone who sees this and would like to answer these questions totally should!! Tag me! 🏷

[astrologysvt]

hello!! i understand you have a lot of asks/chart readings in your inbox so i dont expect u to answer this promptly; take ur time!! i was just wondering what ur opinion on modern astrology is? and by that i particularly mean the influx of watered down/over-simplified astrology accounts/pages. those are how i got into astrology, but at the same time i think they are very generalized and can tend to encourage stereotypes (esp negative ones) abt the signs. ik this is a loaded question sorry dfkjgf

btw!! really enjoy ur account. i was considering making my own svt astrology blog months ago but didnt know if there was a "market" for it. very cool to see people of all levels + backgrounds so interested in astrology ^^ esp when it involves our favorite boys!

oh man that is a loaded question but i think about it a lot. i feel like the diplomatic answer for me would be that everyone is allowed to enjoy astrology to the degree that they choose, and just because i certainly have found a specific purpose for it doesn’t mean that everyone needs to abide by it. and tbh i greatly enjoy really ridiculous, playful astrology banter and i spend A LOT of time in the astrology memes sub reddit myself. so i don’t have a problem with people not taking astrology seriously or using simplified versions of it as tbh i don’t treat it too seriously either. like, so long as people are taking it as good humor then i really have no issue. lolol also, obviously i do take it seriously but i also don’t think astrology is the one true answer to anything. i feel like i’d be the last person to try and argue if astrology was real. and that’s mainly cuz, whether or not it’s based in science or cause & effect, doesn’t affect the way/reasons I use it.

with that being said, there is def a reason i have a seventeen astrology blog and not a general astrology one lololol (tbh i do have a general one but i do not use it). tumblr is 100% how i got into astrology, and so i do think it can be a great resource if you know what to avoid. but generally, i think a lot of people dismiss astrology BECAUSE of the way modern astrology packages it as both “fact” but also super one-dimensional. i also just wish people used astrology in a more positive way. i feel like i see too often posts that very clearly have specific preconceptions of certain signs and try to pass along their astrological theories as “evidence.” i also think there is a danger in people using astrology as validation for negative thoughts/habits. for me, i really go by the philosophy that we give meaning to our charts not the other way around. i just wish people put more care into the things they say, because i feel like people don’t realize the potential of someone building a negative perception of themselves through those statements. there is just no reason to put that negativity out there you know 😩

but thanks for such a good question and the support 😭 honestly i had no idea there would be an audience for it either. i made a post asking if anyone wanted it and i got like 10 likes and was like “thats good enough for me” lmao 😂 and i feel like having a svt astrology blog is such a positive thing because we really are all just here because we love our boys, and if i have the opportunity to give people some insight into their charts all the better, ya know?? lolololol but def lemme know if you ever want to exchange charts!! i’d love to talk more astrology with you~