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earth616variant · 2 years ago

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the send-off | s.r; 3

summary | Being his best friend and assistant, Howard Stark asked you to be the first one to be tested on his time machine project. After some unexpected errors, you ended up stuck in the modern times of the 21st century. Where you meet the man you thought died years ago: Steve Rogers.

pairing/s | steve rogers x reader, avengers x reader

word count | 5.5k+

genres | angst, fluff, crack, time travel au, unrequited love au

warnings | nightmare, idiots, little childish superheroes...

note | i'm sorry it took me long to update! but here is it. I'll be posting more drabble about them soon. this is less angsty than the first two. i hope you enjoy reading it! thank you so much for your patience :)) reblogs and comments are always appreciated! <3

series masterlist

This is like heaven.

As you two were walking, you cannot stop yourself from looking left and right at what the place looked like. Every piece of equipment, furniture, and gadget seemed really modernized. The predictions of the future in your time are nothing based on what you are just seeing now in this compound. You knew you must restrain yourself from getting your hands on the small, pocket-sized screen Steve kept tapping on when you two agreed to step out of the clinic. Your brain, although stressed, was burning with curiosity. Especially with that invisible voice that he talked to while you two walked out.

“Friday, where’s everyone?” Steve suddenly asked out of nowhere.

Your eyebrows scrunched together as you confusedly turned your head to Steve. You don’t have any idea who he was talking with since you two were the only people around when he spoke.

“Who’s Friday– Jeepers!”

You jumped, clinging immediately to the man beside you when a stiff, feminine voice spoke.

“Mr. Stark and Ms. Potts are nearby the lakes. Dr. Banner is in his laboratory. The others are currently resting in their respective rooms.”

Steve, who was also surprised at your reaction for a second, chuckled and whispered, “It’s fine.”

Embarrassed, you remove your hands that were clinging to his arm and cleared your throat. You ran your hands down to your clothes to at least look decent again.

“I’m sorry for my reaction.”

You wanted to ask a question about it. But Steve must have been tired from hearing you asking questions like a kid. It’s been hours now and you kept on asking from one question to another. So you sealed your lips shut. Yet, Steve seemed to read your mind since he explained it to you as you continue walking.

“That’s Friday. She’s an A.I. that Tony created. She helps a lot here so if you need–”

“What’s an… A.I.?” you interjected.

The last two letters rolled off your tongue like you were unsure about it. An A.I.You thought of any possible meaning of it that you could have learned before but you cannot think of any.

“It stands for Artificial Intelligence. I was surprised too when I encountered it for the first time too. It was crazy to see the advancements of technology from this time.” he shared, to assure you about your reaction earlier.

You chuckled lightly with that, “Yeah, it’s strange to see everything here. Just hours ago, I am back in my own lab with… Howard… but now, I’m looking at these new things…”

You paused with the thought of your best friend. Steve quickly noticed your heavy sigh and lonely gaze on the ground while your shoulder slumped. You were just distracted by your chat with Steve a couple of hours ago in the clinic and now, it’s beginning to sink in. He can see that based on your expression.

He calls your name softly, “Y/N?”

You slowly looked up your eyes glistening. You spoke, “Is this really it? Am I staying here forever?”

“I… I don’t know, Y/N. I’m sorry. I really am.” he apologized, disappointed himself too.

Steve could say that Tony and Bruce can probably try and build another time machine. But he doesn’t want to give you false hope. And he won't know if Stark would want to attempt on making a time machine after this– you coming back– happened.

Am I staying here forever?

He remembered asking the same question himself years ago when he got back. Fury once told him that time machines are impossible when Steve was still unaware of Howard’s attempt. Fury said that no one ever succeeded in operating one. He did not even mention what happened to you. Steve only knew about your disappearance when it slipped Peggy’s tongue when he was visiting her in the retirement home. He tried to ask her again about it, but due to her condition, Peggy had a hard time recalling everything.

Both shocked and frustrated, Steve immediately confronted SHIELD’s former director about it. He learned that you are basically an open secret to everyone working with the organization. Natasha later presented him with the last photo of yours taken before the time travel attempt. It was said to be photographed by a certain Robert Smith.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry for pressing all my questions to you.” you breathed out. And before he can say anything to console you, you continued, “I should probably rest. Everything has been a lot…”

Steve silently nods. You two continued to walk. You were just following him since you don’t really have any idea about this whole compound’s navigation. So when Steve stopped in a hallway of doors, you stopped too.

“Here is our extra room. This can be your room for the meantime.” he introduced as he opened the patterned grey door.

Your eyes instantly traveled around, curious about what bedrooms might look like in this future era. The room was simple but more spacious than your bedroom in your own apartment. This one has a kingsized bed, a bedside table and lamp, a wooden desk at the nearby window, and two doors. It was pretty plain, confirming that it was really just an extra room. Steve walked you through it.

“You have your own bathroom here.” he opened one of the doors and you took a quick glance inside it. Steve opened the other one, “This is your closet.”

“But I don’t have any more clothes, Steve.” you awkwardly mentioned the obvious. “I don’t even think I’ll be able to sleep with this.”

Howard reminded you days after you said yes to being his test subject that you should dress properly on the day of the event. He said that it will make a great impression if someone sees you in the future. It was probably a joke from him. But you did wear the most pristine and presentable blouse and slacks you have. It even reminded you of Katherine Hepburn’s outfits.

And now, here you are. Although these are your best work clothes, you would have to sleep in them. You find it uncomfortable. Back in your apartment, you have long, cozy, silk nightgowns and pajamas that you wear after a long day in the laboratory. The material was soft and helps you to fall asleep quickly after laying down on your bed.

“Uhm… maybe…” Steve avoided your gaze as he tried not to stutter with sharing his idea. He honestly looked like a kid as his lips twitched timidly, “You… You can borrow some of my clothes for tonight.”

“Oh, uhm…” you stammered, eyes slightly widening. The idea of wearing his clothes unexpectedly bought flutters in your stomach. Doing that seems too intimate.

Not wanting to make you feel any discomfort, he thought of another suggestion, “Or maybe I can ask the others if they can lend–”

“No, no. That would be more troublesome. I would rather borrow yours.” You fiddled with your fingers as you looked into his eyes, “Is that fine with you?”

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Steve nods. “Let’s go to my room.”

“Huh?” your eyebrows furrowed with your mouth slightly agape.

Steve immediately realized what his last sentence sounded like, making his eyebrows raise. He explains, “I mean so that you can pick out the clothes yourself.”

“Oh, okay…” your voice trailed off before pursing your lips together.

There was this obvious silence as you two walked side by side. You were fiddling with your fingers while he looked around the compound as if he didn’t live here. The air felt like when you put two awkward teens in one room. His door wasn’t too far from yours, only four doors away.

“Come in.”

And when he opened the door, a fresh scent of rosemary and mint welcomed you. It brought instant more comfort to you than the last room. Maybe because this one is more personalized to Steve’s own character. Your eyes traveled to the desk in the corner, where you spotted a familiar framed sketch.

“Oh, I know that one.” you pointed out, seemingly proud as you turn your head to Steve. He chuckled. You continued, “You were drawing that monkey when you were doing one of your USO tours.”

“Yes. It was during that time. You and Howard came to watch for the first time.” Steve recalled and you nodded.

As much as he hates it, Steve remembered that time of his long life crystal clearly. He just got the serum, Erskine died, and he wants to immediately serve in the army. But he ended up doing performances all over the nation in a patriotic overall spandex and red boots.

Sure, he had a few good memories from that chapter of his life. But it mainly felt awkward. Especially that time he performed in front of real soldiers, who were very opposite of his usual young fans, in deafening silence. Or when you and Howard would come and watch a couple of his shows if you have the time. He remembered feeling more self-aware on stage in his fitting costume and weird helmet punching a fake Hitler, knowing that you are somewhere in the crowd.

“Here is my closet by the way.” Steve changed the subject and you followed behind him.

His clothes were well-organized and followed a color palette. Of course, the shade of blue stands out. Steve did let you pick out, telling you that anything would be fine.

“You have a lot of these so I’m just— Oh.”

You stopped when you unfolded one of the white shirts. When folded, it looked plain. But as you spread it out, there was a word written on its front.

“Capsicle?” you read it out with one of your eyebrows raised.

“It was a gift from Tony. He used to call me that.” Steve explained and you only stared at him as if you don’t understand it. He exhaled, “You know… because I, Captain America, was frozen in ice for decades.”

“Oh!” you tried not to giggle but failed. “I’m sorry for laughing. It just sounded like something his father would do or say.”

“Yes, they are very much alike.” Steve just agreed.

Not long after, you two walked out of his closet with his clothes in your hands. You chose that shirt (even though Steve tried to convince you that there are other choices) and plaid blue pajama pants. He walked you back to your room, asking if you still need anything.

“Just knock on my door if you need anything. Okay?”

You smiled, “I will. Thank you so much for everything, Steve. I really appreciate it.”

Not wasting any second, you hugged him. You thought that you’ll just do it quick as you don’t want to cause any discomfort to him. But when you felt his hands on your back, you found yourself relaxing your chin on his shoulder. Whatever heaviness you felt in your chest was slightly lessened with his simple action. When you slowly moved away, Steve’s electric blue eyes looked directly at yours with a certain— you don’t really want to assume but— tenderness.

“I’ll introduce everyone to you tomorrow. But for now, you should rest,” he spoke.

You nodded and opened the door to your room, stepping inside. “Good night, Steve.”

“Good night, Y/N.”

You gently closed the door while Steve watched you. Leaning your back on the door, you huffed like you held out your breath for a long time. You looked up like question marks were flying around your head. All of this… everything… feels unreal.

You were blanked out as you changed into Steve’s clothes. His shirt was oversized on you but cozy like your nightgowns. The hem of his pajama pants reached the carpeted floor. You don’t mind though. You’re too exhausted.

You almost climbed to your probably new bed. It smelled nothing like yours. But it was nice and soft enough to make your eyes shut close within just a few seconds.

“Just take a shot. But don’t interact with anyone.”

You see your best friend, standing near the controls. You looked down at your hands and you see that you were holding a camera. Turning your chin up, you see Donny’s little hand waving against the glass. Susan smiled. You looked to another person in the room, Robert. He gave you a thumbs-up as he positioned himself behind his large camera. You looked back to Howard.

“Even to one person?”

“Even to one person,” he repeated.

Then suddenly, all you can hear is the heavy beats of your heart. It was like a countdown. You closed your eyes. The sound of your heartbeat trailed off and now you can just hear your own breathing. You slowly opened your eyes. Nothing.

You look around and it’s nothing. Just a pitch-black void. You didn’t dare to move as you don’t know where to go. Alone, you wrapped your arms to yourself. That’s when you notice the camera’s gone too. It’s not even cold but you feel like trembling. Then, you heard Howard’s voice. It echoes in this empty dark space you’re in.

“This one will be a big success, Y/N.”

But he is nowhere to be seen. Your pulse is back beating at the loudest volume, it was much faster than ever. You tried to scream– call for your dear friend. But was stopped when you heard his voice again.

“This one will be a big success, Y/N.”

And again.

“This one will be a big success, Y/N.”

And again.

“This one will be a big success–”

“STOP!”

Eyes wide open, you found yourself on the same bed you slept on. You were sweating bullets on your forehead as your chest heaved up and down, slowly calming down. There were already rays of sunshine that transcended to the window and you can clearly see that you are still where you were last night.

“Oh my…”

All you can do is let out a shaky sigh as you bury your face in your palms. You wanted to scream. Maybe cry. Or just run your fingertips through your hair and pull it out of your scalp. This whole situation makes your toes curl.

You got up from bed and make your way to the bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror, you looked at yourself. Your eyes were slightly puffed from all the tears you let out last night. Your forehead is glistening from sweat while your hair is disheveled. You looked worse than the nights you worked overtime in the laboratory. You shook your head at the sight before opening the tap, splashing a refreshing amount of water on your face.

You were dabbing the available white, fluffy towel on your face when you hear knocks on your door. You turned to the mirror again. You wished you could do something with your hair. But you don’t have any hairspray or elastic to at least fix it. Instead, you just ran a comb through your hair. The comb seemed clean as you found it on the small bathroom shelf. It didn’t took look before you open the door.

“Good morning.” Steve greeted you. “Did I woke you up?”

“Oh, no,” you replied, shaking your head.

“Great… Uh, breakfast is ready. I figured I’ll introduce you to everyone out there.”

“Okay…S-Should I change my clothes?” you wondered as based on Steve’s stories last night, these people are the world’s mightiest heroes.

You wondered if they are formal-type of people. Maybe pompous or superior? Well, you already met two of them last night: Tony and Banner. And in all honesty, you don’t remember much about the latter. Only Tony since you learned he is your best friend’s son and if you were here by the time he was born, you knew Howard would pick you as that man’s godparent. Plus, you remember Tony because you can already feel how he’s so much of his dad.

“That’s fine. We’re just having breakfast together before our training. But you do you. You can change if you want.” Steve replied.

“Well, how do I look? Do I at least look presentable?” you just asked since you still want to look decent even though they saw you in distress before.

He nods, “You look great, Dr. Y/N.”

You don’t know if he was teasing or reassuring you. But your heart skipped when he said that. You hid a faint smile forming on your lips as you closed the door behind you. You just followed him. It took you seconds to realize that you were in an elevator. It’s obviously much different and updated than the one from your time. But you cannot help but notice something specifically,

“They used to play music…” you muttered as you leaned against the cold wall.

Steve, who was leaning on the other wall, chuckled, “Yeah, I know. I tried telling Tony to bring it back.”

The elevator door slides and you immediately hear various noises from different people. As you got closer to the noise, you move closer to Steve. He offered you a smile, and you reciprocated it. You step inside what seems like a kitchen and it goes quiet.

If eyes can shoot bullets, you’re probably dead by now. Everyone looks at you and you put on a small smile. Your eyes traveled around until you locked with a friendly pair. Sergeant Barnes. You cannot stop your gaze from shifting from his face down to his arm, which looked very much different. Your eyes moved back to his face and his lips formed a tight smile. Steve was the one who broke the silence, clearing his throat.

“Everyone, I would like you to meet someone…”

He looked at you with encouragement and you nodded.

“Hi… Uhm… I’m Dr. Y/N from Stark Industries.” you used your usual introduction before adding something else. “I… I came from the 40s.”

It was dead silent for a few seconds before someone stepped up first.

“Hi! I’m Wanda Maximoff.” the woman with long, red hair introduced herself. She wore a friendly smile as she offers her hand. You shook it, smiling at her. “Nice meeting you, doctor.”

“Just my name will be fine,” you told her.

Another woman followed, “Natasha Romanoff.”

She sounded stern but she offered a kind, small smile. She also has red hair but is shorter than Wanda’s.

“Good morning, Dr. Y/N. My name is Vision.”

This time, a literal red person approached you. He seemed like a robot but more human. It was confusing. Another guy stood up from his chair near the kitchen counter.

“My name’s Sam Wilson. I fly around too like that Android.”

“Yeah, except he still needs to put on his little wings before he can do anything.”

You heard Barnes behind him. Sam immediately countered an answer, “I can throw punches too!”

“Sam served in the Air Force.” Steve, who’s beside you, added.

Both your eyebrows raised, “Oh, really? That’s amazing.”

In your time, the US Air Force was just founded. You never really met anyone from the Air Force and to have one in front of you right now, you feel amazed.

“Enough of that. Let me introduce myself to Dr, Y/N.” Bucky walked to you as Sam stepped back, rolling his eyes.

“Oh Sergeant Barnes, You don’t have to introduce yourself. We’re way past that,” you told him and he chuckled.

You didn’t stop yourself from hugging him. You were just so happy to see both Steve and Bucky alive as you lost them both in the same year. Back in the 40s, Bucky knows a lot of places to hang out and would invite you to go with them. Howard would tag along sometimes too. But you and Bucky get to talk a lot since Peggy would usually pull Steve with her.

“How are you, doll?”

You were too focused on the changes in him that you can’t answer his question. Instead, you touched his left arm, feeling its cold metal surface. The texture felt familiar.

“Your arm…”

It was obvious that you have a ton of questions in your head. But Bucky just looked at you that says: I’ll tell you later. Then, your eyes landed on a boy sitting beside Sam on the kitchen counter. He instantly looks away when you locked eyes with him. You figured he is still a student as his dark blue long-sleeved shirt has the logo of Midtown School of Science and Technology. You’ve never heard of that school before so it was probably established after the 40s. Your eyes traveled back to his face. He seemed flushed as you stare at him longer.

“Hi…” you greeted him in front of everyone.

You tried to be friendly as the kid seemed very scared of you. His eyes widened. Sam had to nudge him to make him move. He put down his bowl of cereal and timidly walked up to you.

“H-Hello, ma’am… My name’s Peter Parker.” he stutters as he gently shakes your hand. “I really like– love your research journals. Especially the one about the possibility of a multiverse.”

Peter almost jumped when your other hand unexpectedly caged his hand. You looked at him with delight, “Really? You knew about that?”

Joy filled your heart when you heard that. It was like your mood was instantly lifted again. Your research journals are your children. You were always proud of them but often overlooked by your other colleagues since a woman wrote them. Only Howard shows enthusiasm for it and would bring it up in conversation.

“Yeah, I came across your journal in the school library before. Then, Mr. Stark let me read your other journals.” he chattered.

“Mr. Stark?” you repeated.

“Yeah, someone’s calling for me?”

As if on cue, Tony walks in with an auburn-haired woman that looked familiar. The woman smiled at you, “Hi. I’m Pepper Potts. It’s nice to meet you.”

You don’t want to assume things but she seemed close to Tony. Like a partner– not a work kind– but a romantic type. It made you think about who your best friend ended up with. Howard didn’t seem like someone to settle down with. He never talked about wanting to get married or even having a family of his own. He only has flings, rarely a relationship. He’s bad at ending things with these women and would often let Jarvis dismiss them. The first time you learned that about him, you slapped him on the back of his head, saying how awful that is. Later on, Jarvis told you that Howard would give out a special bracelet to his flings as a parting gift.

“Let’s have breakfast?” she offered and you nodded.

Plates were already on the table, along with pancakes, bacon, and eggs. You sat between Steve and Bucky, who were both considerate. They offered you syrup and orange juice while the others talked about their plans for the day. You listened quietly, chewing on the fluffy pancakes you heard Wanda prepared. You were really not used to having your meal with anyone as you live alone. But hearing conversations and banters made you more comfortable in this modern time you’re thrown into. Peter left early since he said he was stopping by his aunt before going to school.

“Where are they going?” you whispered to Steve as Tony and Pepper say goodbye.

“Tony has a conference somewhere in Europe, I think… Pepper going to work.”

“What’s her job?” you asked before reaching for the orange juice.

“Pepper leads Stark Industries.”

Hearing that, you choke on your drink. Natasha, who was eating in front of you, handed you a napkin while Bucky gently pats your back. Steve took your glass from you.

“I’m sorry.” your voice muffled as you cleaned up your lips. Then, you turned to Steve, “How?”

“Tony appointed her as CEO of the company eight years ago.”

That was his answer. Like it was something Tony usually does.

“By the way, we’re going out later.” Steve changed the subject as he stood up, taking your finished plate with his to the sink.

“We are?”

“Yeah, let’s buy your clothes and other things you need. Wanda’s coming with us,” he replied, opening the tap.

“I… I didn’t take my money with me,”

Bucky stifled a giggle beside you, making you turn around to him with a glare. He always found it marvelous how you are both naive and genius. You were one of the most intelligent people he knows. But you also seemed innocent with anything out of your expertise. He noticed it when you would hang out in diners or jazz clubs where a lot of men would try to make a move with you. But you would unintentionally reject their subtle invitation.

“Don’t worry about that.” Steve turned around, hands all soapy. “Just go prepare. We’re leaving after.”

You sighed, “Okay.”

“I thought you were off to Italy today for that mission.”

Natasha was the first one to speak when you walked out of the room. Wanda and Vision left too. Sam is still finishing his mug of warm coffee. Same with Bucky. Steve can feel his friends’ eyes daggering on his back as he rinsed off the soap bubbles from the utensils and plates. He didn’t answer until he was done with it.

“I asked Clint and Bruce to cover for me.” he simply revealed.

He sees Natasha biting her lip, attempting to hide a forming smile. So is Sam, who grinned as he takes a sip in his cup. Meanwhile, Bucky stayed shameless, smirking as soon as Steve looked at him. Steve raised an eyebrow.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Sam replied, but his tone screams something else. “But is she wearing your clothes–”

“So this is about that.” Steve lets out an exasperated sigh.

“No! No! We think it’s cute on her.” Bucky protested. Natasha even added, “Yeah, she’s cute.”

“Just tell me what is this all about. What’s with the eyes and smiles? You look like you heard some gossip somewhere.”

“Well… if you put it like that…”

Bucky looked away, crossing his arms over his chest. Both Natasha and Sam snicker. It was a childish scene. Steve rolled his eyes as his shoulder slumped. He never thought he would be in this situation with his superhero friends, who are all acting like giddy high school kids right now. Now wanting to deal with them anymore, Steve was about to leave. Not until Sam confessed,

“Bucky told us you had a crush on her back in the 40s.”

He froze in his tracks, processing what he just heard. The three waited for his reaction, only watching him as he turned around.

“What? I… I never said that.”

Bucky then looked to their other friends, “See? He didn’t deny it.”

Steve shakes his head as they laughed. Without saying anything more, he chose to just walk out.

“I can’t find anything there, Wanda.”

Steve and Wanda drove you to this indoor shopping place. They said it is called a mall. There were a lot of people when you arrived. You thought a mall was just a big place where you buy clothes. But it turns out to have more of that. Instead of clothes, you asked Steve if you can buy books when you passed by a bookstore. Steve also let you have some stationery. You ended up buying three books: one sci-fi book that was really popular in your time, another sci-fi that just came out, and The Little Prince.

Now, you, Steve, and Wanda are eating in this cute diner Steve knows. He said he goes here at least once a month in his free time. The place is almost close to the diners from your time. The colors, the patterns, the booths, and even the staff’s uniforms were almost resemblance. But when you look at the customers, you’ll realize that this is not the 1940s.

“I mean, I have nothing for the fashion you have today. They are all divine. And I don’t mean to be a fuddy-duddy but I would want to wear something that I usually wear.” you explained before sipping your milkshake

“I understand, Y/N. I thought we could find something you will like there.” Wanda’s shoulder slumped.

“We did find some things there!” you exclaimed, referencing the shopping bags next to you.

You shopped for books and a couple of nice sleepwear. You also have a pair of shoes, sandals, and a slip-on that you and Wanda chose. You were happy to have someone commenting on your choices. Wanda and you almost agree on the same thing and would laugh about your thoughts about something.

“How about you, Steve? Where did you get your clothes when you got here?” you asked the man in front of you. He has been pretty quiet since you got in the mall. He will just pay for things and compliment the shoes you bought.

Steve chewed his burger first before replying, “SHIELD just provided it to me.”

“Wait! I think I know a place.” Wanda exclaimed.

“Holy mackerel!”

You squealed as you saw the exterior of the antique store Wanda said. Your eyes sparkled as you see the furniture and clothes. Steve opened the car door for you and you swore you almost ran straight to the door. A bill clings when you opened the door.

“Steve! Look at this!”

Steve turned in your direction and sees you pointing to a record player. You carefully reached for one of the records displayed. It was Frank Sinatra’s record. You looked at it with delight. Steve knew he had to say it,

“We can buy it if you want. I have a record player. We can put it in your room since I don’t use it much.”

The glimmer of happiness in your eyes shined more, “Really?”

“Yeah, consider it as a welcome gift.” he quipped and you instantly wrapped your arms around him.

“Oh, thank you so much, Steve.”

The day went on with you jumping around the same shop. Wanda was happy to pick out clothes with you. There were limited choices but they were all eye-pleasing and suited your style. You got dresses, blouses, and trousers that were all much cheaper than the dizzying prices in the mall. The old woman who owns the shop was amazed at your enthusiasm for what she called “vintage” fashion.

“How old are you, honey?” she asked as you place a large number of clothes for checkout.

“I’m 29, ma’am,” you replied with a smile.

“Oh, you’re almost the same age as my granddaughter. But I don’t think she would wear this same type of clothes.” she shared. “You know, these clothes came from the old, old times. Most of these clothes are my mother’s”

You wanted to say that you came from that old, old times. But you knew how complicated and insane would that sound.

“Your boyfriend must be so–”

“Boyfriend?”

The lady fixed her glasses as she looked at you, “That guy. Isn’t he your boyfriend?”

She nods her chin in Steve’s direction who was also strolling around the place. You hoped he didn’t hear what the lady said as he seemed focused on the furniture displayed. Wanda was looking around too.

“Oh, no. We’re just friends, ma’am.” you giggle timidly.

“You can call me Nancy, honey.” she introduced herself. “And you have great friends. That girl has said nothing but praises when you were trying out these clothes and that man…”

She signaled you to come closer to her, which you did. She whispered, “Take him out on a date. He’s a dreamboat”

“Nancy!”

You felt warmth all over your face. It was like blood rushes up to your cheeks and ears. You thought of doing it before but you never had the courage to do it to anyone. You knew Steve already had his attention on someone else. Nancy just laughed at your flushed reaction.

“Oh, honey. I’m just saying that I think he’s a catch.” she winked. “Anyway, who am I to meddle with your life?” you laughed at that. “What’s your name, honey?”

“Y/N, ma’am.”

You didn’t realize that she had already finished putting the things you bought in a bag when she pulled something under her counter.

“Y/N, honey, this is a gift since you are one of my largest spenders this month in the shop. It was from someone important to me and I can’t really wear or sell it here. But I would love to see it on you.”

“Nancy, you don’t have to– Oh, wow. This is so pretty.”

She hands you a simple, white pearl necklace. It was kept in a boxy, that’s why it looks shiny and good.

“I know, honey. I’ve been keeping it in a box for a long time now. I don’t really wear that kind of necklace anymore and was just waiting for the right customer to give it to. Since I liked how excited you are when you entered my shop, I’m giving it to you.” she told you.

“Oh, Nancy, I’m going to be a regular in here.” you quipped as you tried it on. “How is it?”

“It’s lovely.” she compliments. “And yes, I would love to see you coming here again anytime soon. I love talking to you. You somehow remind me of my old friends.”

THE SEND-OFF TAGLIST (edited)

@supraveng @sunflower-golden-vol6 @curi0usc4t @caitlyn-who @bitchy-bi-trash @stilltoomuchafangirl @matisse556 @gitasor @ladybug05 @sunwoahkim @meanttobea @j69confessional2 @thenyxsky @maximoffmaxipad @swthxrry @justab-eautifulmess @7minutes-tomidnight @curlycarley @thefalconandthewinterwidowshield @wisepenguin @shatfairy @coffeeshub @stillthatbetch @cosmicgirls-things @sabrinaselina55 @mediocre-m @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @mrsjaderogers @themerc-with-a-mouth @slutdreams @mrbutterbunz @royalwritersoftheuniverses @yunloyal @avengersinitiative2012 @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @noodle81937 @madnessinwrighting @lilizia @saintmagx @evanswife1918 @saranghaey @elmphoenix17 @animegirlgeeky @t-stark35

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@rosedpetal

#steve rogers #steve rogers fic #steve rogers angst #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers au #steve rogers series #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers time travel au #avengers x reader #avengers fanfiction #chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans fic #chris evans angst #chris evans fluff #the send off steve rogers

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bengiyo · 1 year ago

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Step By Step Ep 10 Stray Thoughts

Last week on HR Violations, Jeng made his feelings plain to Pat, and Pat was not prepared for one more emotional blow. Jeng had a complete emotional breakdown in a standpoint bit of acting from Man Trisanu. We spent much of the week unpacking exactly what happened with Pat, and determined that he’s just 25, tired, and overwhelmed. Ae had her baby, and nothing made sense from a practical standpoint. Jeng broke all of us with “It makes sense to me,” and now we’re supposed to just stroll back into this.

I still approve of Jeng doing the responsible thing and keeping his distance from Pat.

I love Chot so much. I am loving this new trend in BL about shows encouraging people to respect the feelings people are expressing, and reminding characters (and viewers) that I takes a lot of courage to express them. It’s still okay to reject people, but treat people kindly. Love Chot making the overall situation plain for Pat and confused viewers.

“It’s been eight years already. I’m used to it,” feels like a subtle commentary on BL itself. Chot has not been able to live his live a openly as he’d like with his boyfriend because the family wouldn’t approve. Coincidentally, that’s the same amount of time we’ve been in the current era of Thai BL. For all the money and interest that’s been poured into BL, lived queer experiences still face daily struggles.

A carrot cake? Pat, please do better.

I see. The show is going to make me cry about Chot. It’s time to write an essay about Step By Step.

“It’s alright. I own this place.” Sir!!!

My man just trashed his own kitchen to get it in.

Smitten looks good on Pat.

He let me hit so I can follow back on Insta

These two have lost all composure. Hooking up in the company parking lot!

Chot is trying to cover for these two, but they are being unfortunately way too obvious.

I’m having complicated reactions to the homelessness scene. Feels like the show wants to quickly shine a lens on an issue important to the filmmakers, but it feels awkward as hell.

Hey, it looks like the Fjord project went well.

Okay, Pat’s dad is funny. I like his specific beef with Jeng. Still, I kinda hoped he’d ask harder questions like, “How is this supposed to work if you’re still his boss?”

They keep going to this one shot when they go to the bedroom that’s clearly from the closet and using Dutch angles. This feels intentionally designed to make me uneasy.

Oh they're using P' and Nong now.

Ben has a happy trail. Let me pause and collect myself.

WHERE IS THE BABY??

Did they give the hets a camera angle kiss??

Oh nevermind it was meant to cut to Pat and Jeng as a potential future.

Now you know Ae was aiming for Pat with that bouquet. She is messy like that.

Wait, so Jaab is seeing someone else now?? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to get from Jaab and Jen.

Okay, we found the baby.

I like that Beam and Ae didn't touch each other, if I'm reading this right. Glad we can put this to bed.

Oh, I don't like Jeng promoting Pat into his position. That's not good for either of them.

Suddenly, a glow up for Ying?

Whoa, was not expecting this EXTREME GEN X ENERGY from Ying in Pat's corner.

"Haven't I been strong enough?" is a whole mood.

Yet another instance of BL reminding us that they both have dicks.

"I want to be happy with you." Oh, Jeng. I am also lonely in my 30s. I get it. I really do. But, my man, you cannot put this on Pat.

Pat's resignation was inevitable. Jeng, who's normally so controlled, definitely lost all composure this episode.

I'm not jumping directly into the discourse here, but I will say clearly that I am only watching through Gaga. Do not send me comments, asks, or messages about episodes only available legally through WeTV fast track. I don't subscribe to spoiler culture, but please don't be rude.

As for this episode, I feel a bit muddled. I'm going to spend some time thinking about core themes and seeing what this show actually wants to explore.

#step by step #step by step meta #thai bl #bl series #Ben watches

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threeletterslife · 5 months ago

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Update

TL;DR: below the keep reading, vote on my update schedule

Hey everyone :) It's been a while—five months since I've last posted on this account and nearly a year since I've posted the 35th chapter of LOD

First and foremost, I want to apologize for being gone much longer than expected, and I will apologize again for being unable to offer more clarity about my absence, for now and in the future. Thank you to everyone who sent kind asks/messages checking up on me and to everyone who was invested enough in LOD to inquire about an update schedule. I felt a lot of guilt for not being active and for not delivering or meeting expectations, so just wanted to send out my sincerest apologies :')

I will attempt to answer the three most commonly asked questions I've gotten during my hiatus in this post:

Will you be continuing LOD?

Yes. As I've said time and time again, I will never abandon a story that I've invested so much of my time into. Call it sunk cost fallacy or delusion but I will finish LOD if it's the last thing I ever fucking do lol. Updates will be slow, however. But I promise you now that I will never actually leave. If I do suddenly disappear for years, that honestly means that I've died lol

When will you be posting a new chapter?

This depends on you guys. In all honesty, I have chapters 36 to 39 "ready" to publish. I am not in the position to write at this moment in time, so this would mean after I post chapter 39, there's no telling when the next update will be :( I have two options for you guys:

OPTION 1: I can post all of the chapters I have written in one go

Pro: You'll have access to all of the existing (and finished) LOD content, which is very well-deserved, so you can binge-read to your heart’s content

Con: You'll probably have to wait over half a year for chapters 40 and beyond

OPTION 2: I can post one chapter monthly/bi-monthly on a consistent schedule

Pro: I'll be able to buy some time (it'll take 4-7 months to post the remaining chapters) to write so that by the time I post chapter 39 (later this year or early next year), I'll most likely have chapters 40+ ready so you won't be as much in the dark about my future update schedule

Con: You'll only get one chapter every ~1.5 months. I also can't guarantee I'll have chapters 40 and beyond ready to go after I finally publish chapter 39 but I'd try my best

Are you alive? How are you doing? Are you okay?

I'm managing, though it's been a while since I've felt like I've been living. I've been in survival mode constantly for the past year, and it's quite draining. But the good news is that I'll be graduating next year with my degrees, so I expect I'll be freer then. I'm currently taking classes and working at my internship so I'm constantly inundated with projects and exams

I have been writing, though. That's one thing in my life that will never change. College has been hard on me, though it has also been such a privileged, fun, and rewarding experience. It helped me grow up or maybe even devolve in some ways. I've met some diabolical people around here, and have had not-so-great experiences that definitely forced me to become less trusting and stern. Sometimes I miss my old self, but I also know that I've grown into someone who can be more tolerant of the complete BS that is occasionally adulthood LMAO

Anyway, I'm extremely oversaturated with STEM everywhere I go, which given my majors, is a no-brainer. But I find great reprieve in art, especially art that I create to heal myself. So I've slowly come to realize that the content that I want to create—and the content that makes me happy to create—is not well-aligned with LOD. Over the past year, I've been working on small side projects, such as an original collection of short stories that I feel really at peace with. I've said it before and I'm saying it again, but LOD has always been my challenge piece. I don't dabble often in fantasy, and I wanted to give it a go; I'll finish what I've started. But I would also hate to reduce what LOD is to a simple word like "fantasy," though that was my excuse to avoid writing it for months. I actually think LOD's a lot more than that. In a way, it's a character study; it's not purely about the magic systems. In fact, I don't even think I put that much emphasis on the magic systems in the first place. It's more about the characters, and what the people have to go through during a war, which I've also realized becomes increasingly pertinent given the political climate right now

I'm getting into ramble-town territory, so I'll stop for now. I think with all that being said, I'm doing okay. I'm exhausted, but I'm also an incredibly privileged person, so I should be grateful for where I am in life right now and the people who have helped me rise to this level (you included!)

I'm excited to graduate, and I'm excited to write every single day once I start my full-time job. My life goal is to publish a book, though I don't think it'll be a novel—either a novella or a collection of short stories. Anyway, if you've come this far, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will forever be grateful for this platform that I have and also be incredibly honored that people read what I put out here. I'll begin posting as soon as the poll is completed

Thank you for being patient with me, and I hope you stay happy and healthy <3

#chana #lod

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simslegacy5083 · 6 months ago

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NSB (Straud Legacy) Gen 9 Ep 93: The Shape of You

Luigi wasn’t alone in being anxious about the pregnancy.

Despite a relatively complication free first trimester, when they arrived at their second trimester appointment with Dr. Valezquez, the experienced therapist took one look at Noemi’s troubled expression and ill-fitting outfit and immediately recognized a sim in desperate need of comforting.

She welcomed them both warmly and jumped right in: “Our last session was quite focused on Luigi’s concerns. This time, let’s start with the mother to be. Adjusting to big changes like this can give anyone a hard time, and we’re here to find ways to help. So how are you feeling, dear?”

Noemi replied that she’d had a very helpful glimpse into their future recently. “Luigi’s teammate just had an adorable little baby boy and invited us over for dinner. Breanne, his wife, has already raised one child and told me a lot about what to expect in the years to come.”

Luigi jumped in to say that the way his co-captain had taken to the baby gave him great hope for his own child when Dr. Valezquez cut him off.

“Yes, spending time with other parents of a similar age can be very helpful, but we were waiting to hear how Noemi was feeling.”

“I’ve been taking very good care of myself, cooking healthy meals and avoiding junk food and empty calories. I’m also fully back into my old fitness regime and pushing more weight at the gym than ever before.” As she spoke, even Luigi noticed how she unconsciously seemed to hide her belly.

He thought back to noticing her longing looks at the sugary breakfast cereal he’d bought for her as she prepared a low-fat egg white omelet, and the way she’d been working out to the point of exhaustion. He glanced at the therapist and asked: “Is it possible to be in too good a shape?”

“Not necessarily” the Doctor said, “But it raises an important question. Noemi, what do you think the healthiest shape is, for someone growing a whole new person right around … here?” She pantomimed a baby belly on herself, rounded and projecting. “And the healthiest frame of mind?”

Noemi’s eyes filled with tears at the question. She grabbed some tissues from the box Dr. Velasquez kept on hand and snuggled into her boyfriends' outstretched arms to explain: “The changes to my body are freaking me out a bit. My mom said a lot of hurtful things about my weight when I hit puberty. That’s when I started focusing more on working out and eating healthy.”

“My departed wife, Kiana, helped me learn to love and accept myself, but mom’s unkind words when we told her about the baby brought all those insecurities roaring back to the surface. Suddenly I was right back to hating looking at myself in the mirror.” She buried her face in Luigi’s shoulder. “I’m afraid if I put on baby weight, I’ll never get rid of it. ”

“It’s normal to struggle with the physical changes pregnancy brings, especially for people who’ve struggled with their body image in the past” their therapist gently told her. “But it’s important for you and your baby to get the fuel and rest you need to grow in healthy ways. Feel free to keep doing exercises that feel comfortable, but now isn’t the time to push harder.” She smiled. “Don’t worry, you’ll get to do all the pushing you want at the end.”

“If mirrors make it harder to love yourself, please, let your doctors and family support you there.” She looked at Luigi “Can we count on you to help Noemi see that she is beautiful and loved?”

“Of course!” he said “Noemi will always be beautiful to me, no matter what. I just want her and the baby to be happy and healthy.”

“Great!” Dr. Valezquez beamed. “It’s a special time, enjoy it! Noemi, savor those cravings and enjoy whatever food your body calls for. Go shopping for something that shows off your new shape, rather than trying to hide it.”

Unknowingly mirroring Beau she continued: “Most importantly, start getting excited about the baby to come. It may help you both to remember this is really all about the third person on my couch right now.”

“I recommending finding out your little one's gender at your next OB visit and start trying out names. Studies show that finding out the gender of an unborn baby and giving him or her a name helps with bonding. Buy some cute things to decorate their room, talk to them, and wait for those baby kicks to start in earnest!” The doctor patted her own belly with a faraway look in her eye. “Getting prepared ahead of time will make things much easier when your baby finally arrives.”

The couple left their session that day with lots of “homework”, but in a much better frame of mind than the last time.

They would have one more session before the baby was born, and they both hoped to have made some progress, and have good news to share, by the time that final appointment rolled around.

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

#sims 4 #sims 4 challenge #sims 4 legacy #sims4 #sims 4 nsb #sims 4 not so berry #sims4nsbstraud #sims 4 let's play #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 lets play

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morningstarwrites · 7 months ago

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Omg oh my star i love receiving your updates notifications, and you keep doing such a lovely job to be consistent with it, thank u a lot for the food. So where do I start…this chapter might become one of my fav like ever. I love that now Rosie is gonna help Angel with his ‘project’ and please I need to see Lucy actually getting jealous of someone being near Al, or overall being protective of him, cause I can’t be the only one who think that’s hot as hell?! Eheh see what I did there! Totally pun intended

We already seen Al being jealous in numerous occasions, so I think it would be hilarious if Lucy, who actually has more grasp on his feelings for him, gets jealous and Al doesn’t understand why the king of hell is suddenly angry and clingy to him but he actually finds that he doesn’t mind it, and he gets even more confused lol

I adore how in this chapter Lucifer is respecting Al’s boundaries and Al is finally asking for another hug. I screamed so hard when he made Lucy sit on his lap, cause one hug wasn’t enough, and Lucifer just went on with it, following him like a little duckling. One of my favourite scene was definitely the ‘drunk fist fight’ scene. The mental image of Lucifer and Al wobbling like infant and throwing punches and strawberries at each other was priceless. At one point I was wheezing so hard I had to take a break. Ohhh and Lute finally made her move eheh Imagine if she just ends up sanding Nifty back, only after a day, cause she is discovering a new novelty: bad girls. Heaven is doomed!!!

I love this, can’t wait to read more💕💕

Btw I was wondering…u talked about showing more of their relationship in the future, when they finally get together. And do u accept prompt by any chance? Cause I am a big bottom!al stan and I would love to see Lucifer spoil the HELL out of Alastor, like giving him 🎁 and such, and him not knowing what to do with that:)

‘One the one hand, how dare he 'baby' me, on the other hand, hmmm, this is actually kind of nice’ kinda of thing😆

Honestly I mostly say that cause I am ace, and that would be what I would want from a possible romantic relationship. I like the idea to be spoiled a lot lol

But anyway thank u for listening💜

I am SO touched, thank you 🥹 I'm so glad you liked the chapter!

And me personally, I love the jealousy trope! I'll sprinkle it in for sure. I know, that hug was a long time coming haaaaaah I get shocked by my own slow pace sometimes

Don't worry - their relationship is gonna be super romantic, I guarantee it! Definitely gift-giving and such. But also they'll still be dumb and aggressive together haha. I've always approached them as a Partnership of Equals so you'll see how it unfolds!

Thanks for letting me know your thoughts, because it definitely helps me think about what people are interested in seeing/carve out the details for my next chapter!

#spoilers #radioapple #ask #ao3 fanfic

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themculibrary · 4 months ago

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Enemies to Lovers Masterlist 3

part one, part two

15 Things to Do in NYC If You've Been Stuck in an Ice Berg for 70 Years (ao3) - gogglor steve/tony T, 39k

Summary: Tony and Steve can't stand each other, but they agree for the sake of the team and the people that rely on them that they have to figure out a way to get along. So they come up with a plan to spend time together, in the form of a Buzzfeed listicle of things to do in New York City.

Because if you go to enough museums with the guy you can't stand, you should eventually stop hating him, right?

Come for the slow burn, stay for everyone's opinions on Cats the musical and a story about teenage Tony stealing an ice cream truck in an attempt to get laid.

A Treasured Guest (ao3) - 27dragons bucky/tony T, 18k

Summary: Despite all of Tony’s genius, the warband known as the Avengers has conquered Tony’s hometown. When the town’s stores fall short of the tithe the Avengers demand, Tony volunteers to become part of the tribute, enslaving himself to the Avengers’ warlord to save the townspeople from starvation. He braces for the worst, but neither the Winter Soldier nor the Avengers are what he’s always been told they would be.

Checkmate (ao3) - starbunny steve/bucky T, 33k

Summary: Bucky Barnes was a SHIELD agent who had to be put on leave after an unfortunate incident during a mission left him temporarily Gift-less.

Steve Rogers was a cold, bitter man who had a history and a strong penchant for hating SHIELD agents.

Both were just minding their own business when they suddenly bumped into each other on the street. Needless to say, things did not go well.

(Also the meet-ugly AU with a sprinkle of magic and a whole bucket of angst)

Gone Before Light (ao3) - Laily loki/stephen G, 2k

Summary: Kisses stolen and given in secret may be bitter but Stephen will keep on stealing, and Loki will keep on giving…as long as Stephen does not ask him to stay.

Healing Heart (ao3) - scottxlogan bucky/tony T, 13k

Summary: After facing a dangerous threat to his future Tony reflects on the five times Bucky rescued him through their time spent together as they evolve from enemies to lovers along the way. Meanwhile Bucky reflects on the one time that Tony rescued him and turned his world around.

heed the path that led me to that place (ao3) - Fluffypanda steve/tony T, 6k

Summary: When SHIELD hires Tony for a mysterious project, he ends up embroiled in a secret conflict that intertwines with his past in more ways than one. However with no one at SHIELD is happy to have him there, especially the former Captain America, Tony has to prove he has what it takes to fight this battle.

Hold Me Like a Grudge (ao3) - Gryffindancer darcy/loki E, 12k

Summary: Darcy and Loki hated each other. Like visceral, deep, serious hate. Turns out, that type of energy has a way of building until it explodes.

Enemies to… well, “lovers” is a bit of a strong word.

it’s all my fault that i'm still the one you want (ao3) - cyanica sam/bucky G, 1k

Summary: Sam spoke first, lips rosy and slick, just close enough to Bucky’s own for him to feel the warm air brush against his cheek. "Damn,” he breathed, “you’re a lot more concussed than I thought."

Or there’s a different kind of hate in hating Sam Wilson, Bucky thinks as Sam washes his hair, that maybe isn’t really hate at all.

lane lines (ao3) - sparkagrace steve/bucky M, 132k

Summary: Steve Rogers has spent his entire life swimming and now is poised to take the Wakanda 2024 Olympics by storm. The only thing he’s missing is a friendly rival to help get him there. Enter Bucky Barnes, who doesn’t seem to take the sport quite as seriously despite his raw and enviable talent.

Steve hates him. Bucky doesn’t care. That makes Steve hate him more.

- aka: the Olympics swimming AU that nobody but me asked for

Love is a Dagger (ao3) - TallGlass sam/bucky, wanda/vision, tony/pepper E, 6k

Summary: It started in Europe. Sam found Bucky, they fought, they fucked, they never talked about it.

Mine (ao3) - LupusDragon loki/tony M, 2k

Summary: Another day, another fight between Loki and the Avengers. Only, this one is different, and Tony thinks he knows why.

Modern Warfare (ao3) - Kayah371 loki/steve T, 12k

Summary: Due to an unlucky series of events Steve and Loki end up stranded together across the galaxy, captured by the Collector.

While trying to escape together Loki learns that he may not be the only one good at tricks and Steve realizes that the shield is not his best weapon.

Payment Plan (ao3) - Nny bucky/clint T, 6k

Summary: "What did I do to you?" he asks rhetorically, batting the knife away with the frying pan, the screech of metal scraping against metal squawking feedback through his aids. He doesn't think he's met the guy before, but it's not unheard of that he'd piss of someone he's never met. It's the kind of thing he'd do.

playing nice (ao3) - ghoultown wanda/vision E, 214k

Summary: “What’s your name?” she asks.

He opens the door wider in reply.

Wanda doesn’t move.

The man bends to root through a cupboard instead.

“I don’t have anything in,” he reaches into the shelves, half of him disappearing inside, “Not much to offer you in the way of hospitality.”

“Yeah,” she studies him, rubbing her fingers together. “Ghosts don’t drink, do they.”

A bottle of cheap liquor. He tosses it a bit in his hand, turning it, inspecting it, grinning at the label.

“Think I’m a ghost, do you?”

Following a sudden appearance of a strange red power, Wanda begins killing men to take the edge off. Her first kill in London doesn't go as she'd hoped.

Still Holding On (ao3) - kittyhazelnut loki/tony T, 129k

Summary: "I have built dozens of holes in this plan," Loki hisses. "Find them."

When Loki tries to sabotage his own plan, the only reasonable explanation Tony can think of is that he wants to go back to Asgard, and that alone is more than enough reason to keep him on Earth. Tony reluctantly agrees to keep Loki in Stark Tower just long enough for Thor to talk to his father about how to proceed.

His visit ends up lasting much longer.

then again, maybe not (ao3) - gutsforgarters steve/bucky M, 4k

Summary: Steve shifts his weight. “Alright. What do you want?”

The Soldier sticks out his chin, defiant. “A kiss.”

This, Steve thinks, may not be the weirdest day he's ever had, but it is definitely, definitely, a very heavy contender.

The Safer Course (ao3) - seapigeon steve/bucky M, 7k

Summary: When Steve moves to the suburbs in 2033, he intends to retire from superhero life.

He does not intend to fall in love with his pain-in-the-ass neighbor.

The Sweet Escape (ao3) - AndySkull loki/sylvie E, 50k

Summary: Sylvie's attempt to bring down the Assassin's Syndicate is frustrated by their latest addition, Loki, who instead of finishing the job, takes the opportunity to run away from the Syndicate and tag along with Sylvie, the rogue assassin he was sent to kill.

They'll need to work together for survival, and to bring down the Syndicate while discovering new found feelings for each other.

Wednesday (ao3) - Mermaid_in_space tony/stephen M, 25k

Summary: Tony fights Strange and his weird wizards on a regular basis. So when he is woken up by Jarvis and being told Strange is sitting in his kitchen, waiting to talk to him, Tony just knows that something is not right. What he does not know yet is that it will be a string of very long days.

We're in this Together (ao3) - zenkitty555 stephen/karl T, 50k

Summary: Stephen Strange comes back to a very different Earth than the one he left. Now he has to pick up the pieces, but finds himself coming face to face with a friend turned foe. As they both try to figure out where they fit in one another’s lives, they find themselves on a path they must walk together.

#themculibrary #masterlists #marvel #mcu #au #enemies to lovers #enemies to lovers masterlist

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izicodes · 2 years ago

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I’m a beginner w programming and I really need motivation :((( I feel kind of dumb because it takes me a while to understand basic concepts. What did you do when you felt like this? (when you were starting out )

Honestly, how I did it was I had a lot of people who were either depending on me to succeed with programming with my apprenticeship or wanted me to do well. I come from a fairly poor family and a lot of my family live back in Africa so I also have the privilege to be here to get free education. By constantly reminding myself (but not overdoing it) that I need to do well in the course, that kept me motivated.

Other things include the ability to create cool projects. I used to watch Frontend Web Development tutorials on YouTube way before I actually started coding and I wanted to make all those cool aesthetic websites! “One day I’ll make something like that but more amazing” and here I am learning programming to achieve that.

The other major motivation for me is I found learning about new languages or technologies fun. When I got the hang of HTML, I was super excited to learn CSS and then I learnt some Python and that was such a good feeling ticking the box of “Oh yeah I learnt that one, and built a couple projects”!

I think this is just a me thing, but I sign up to do courses that has a fancy certificate at the end solely because of two things: I learn the new language/technology and… I love seeing my name on a certificate! Sounds stupid but I really do! One day I’ll have a wall with all the certificates I’ve ever completed! THAT definitely motivates me!

When trying to stay motivated, you’ve also got to stop comparing yourself to others or feel like you have to know everything “right” way or go a certain path. Remember, everyone starts somewhere, everyone is different and programming is a lifelong learning process.

Find a project that you're passionate about or something that motivates you to learn programming. It could be a game, a website, or a tool that you need in your daily life.

Find the reason you wanted to learn programming. “Because I study it for university/school/online course/etc” does not count. WHY did you start the course? WHY did you pick programming and not knitting or law whatever? WHY do you think you’ll be good at programming? Find that inner passion for programming, write it on a sticky note and have it where you constantly be looking (study area) and keep reminding yourself

Example from me: I wanted to learn how to build websites about my interests (Hello Kitty, Anime, Lana Del Rey and music). Now I want to work towards create mini adventure games one day. Hope that one day I’ll get to work for The Sims/Electronic Arts in the Game Development team. I’m doing all of this to make my Dad proud and feel I was worth it after all the years of sacrifice he did to get me here where I am. I’m learning so I can live comfortably with my fiancé (husband in the future obvs) and spend money on buying him gifts and funding his little hobbies! (He’s super adorable) <- Write something like that

In terms of feeling dumb:

Accept that it’s normal to feel that way. No genius becomes a genius after 1 day of studying. Not even 1 month of studying. Programming is a freaking hard subject to handle. Accept that it’s normal to feel dumb sometimes. You’re not the only one.

Please don’t look at the whole picture when learning. By that I mean, yeah C# (for example) looks like a freaking hard language from the outside but when you start to break it down into topics like variables and data types etc and even break it further into subtopics, suddenly the language doesn’t look at scary! You just have to tackle the little guys and poof! You beat them all and now you know your target language/technology!

Don’t be too pride or too shy to ask for help. From teachers to the users in a programming discord server, ask for help please. Ask even the dumbest of questions “Does does HTML mean?” Do it. Learn from the answer. Keep it in your memory. Move on. Keep doing that throughout your learning!

Programming is a skill, and like any other skill, it requires practice. Try to write code on a regular basis, even if it's just a few lines a day. Don't push yourself too hard, take breaks, and come back to programming when you feel refreshed. Remember that learning programming is a journey, and it's okay to take your time to understand concepts. Don't give up, stay motivated, and keep practicing!

** I made other tips for beginners in another post - LINK

#my asks #programming #coding #studying #progblr #codeblr #studyblr #comp sci #coding advice #motivation #study motivation #study help #programmer #computer science

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badescapeartist-blog · 1 month ago

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8 - More Chess Research

It has been a while, but I want to take us back to the start of this project with a question: How does chess affect the brain? More specifically, how does it affect focus?

As it turns out, people have been asking this question--and researching it--for a long time. And I will be the first to say that I don't understand a lot of it. There is a ton of technical, psychology jargon and data that doesn't mean a lot to a little ol' English major like me. However, I have found another article, this time a little more trustworthy, to help me find a direction to take. Truly, there is more here than I can really digest in a single semester.

There are all kind of peer-reviewed articles--not all of which I can access--that discuss chess in some way. I even found an article written for the Physical Education and Sport Pedagogy Journal that discusses how chess training can improve performance in games like soccer and rugby. That article doesn't help me. But it's interesting to see how this fairly simple (as far as the rules go) board game has influence in so many areas.

The article linked above has a few sections that are of particular interest to me: flow state, memory, and planning skills.

Flow state, put simply, is the state of mind you enter when you are wholly immersed in your task. Think back to the picture of Bobby Fischer I posted a while back; that is the embodiment of flow state. Have you ever been working on something and then suddenly realize that multiple hours have passed? That's flow state, and playing chess consistently can help a person get into that state more often.

Memory shouldn't need too much explaining. Most everyone has probably played a game that looks something like this:

"Wolf Memory Game" by Evelyn Saenz is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

You might not associate chess with an attribute like memory, but it makes perfect sense and I have already seen some improvement in myself. I have to remember where all the pieces are on the board; just being able to see them is not enough. While I'm crafting strategy or defending my king, I can't forget about the lone bishop in the corner of the board, waiting for the opportunity to strike.

Speaking of strategy, planning skills are invaluable, mainly in the execution of a plan in the face of obstacles. When I started playing again at the start of the semester, I found myself crafting plans and then throwing them out the window constantly. This was a huge mistake that I made over and over again. Executing a plan doesn't necessarily mean that it will be executed as-is, quite the opposite. It means adapting it as the game progresses to eventually reach the desired outcome. In chess specifically, it also means forcing my opponent to make defensive moves, opening up the board for my own offensive strategy.

So, yes, research supports my initial assumption that chess improves focus, among other cognitive functions. But there's some caveats. The research that I have found does not seem conclusive. Testing for this kind of thing is complicated, and the result can get muddied easily.

Also, for me to really get the full benefits that I'm looking for, I have to play a lot, very deliberately (meaning not just playing for fun). I would have to have dedicated practice sessions very regularly for the benefits to really become pronounced. My thinking is that the improvements that I've seen in myself can be attributed to something akin to "newbie gains," which I'm adopting from exercise terminology.

I apologize for such a long post, but there's so much to say when it comes to researching chess. Applying what I've learned has been difficult, but rewarding. I'm excited to share my progress in a future post. (hint: I've won a few times against real players. What a rush!)

#chess #research #flow state #memory #planning #strategy

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throamguide · 6 months ago

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hi!! do u know why anna decided not to rewrite and publish throam as an original work?

Hi! First off, some background: even in 2017-2018, when Anna was posting about the rewrite and talking about publishing it, she was open about the fact that it might never happen: "A rewritten version might never get published, anyway, so don't freak out." (X)

It also wouldn't be easy to rid it of its fanfiction past, as with something like 50 Shades of Gray (Twilight AU fic) because of THROAM's relative internet fame.

Anna also disliked when bandom people IRL (people she wrote about) would find out about THROAM because of fans bringing it up to them. Which is completely understandable. Because it happened quite a bit. She sums it up well in a heated post from 2019: Choice. And it had to be said because a lot of people ended up referencing, asking about, or even reading THROAM, presumably because of fans: Dallon, Jon, Vicky, Keltie, Z Berg...

Anna also moved away from bandom in general and started writing about K-pop groups (she's still at it!) and hinted at some original fiction. Finleighsaid, her URL towards the end of her Tumblr days, was some sort of reference to an original character of her's (I think?).

While writing this I had a look at the THROAM Fanlore page (which I helped write because my teenage self had no life) and found Anna's explanation as to why she stopped rewriting it:

March 25, 2019

Monday confessionals - I haven’t even had wine or anything. Some juice, though. Is sugar a drug?

Anyway, it is yet again that I have not posted anything here for a good while, and in the interest of Managing Expectations (whose? idk) I thought I’d give an update. Or, nay, a nopedate. (I’m sorry, I’m trying.) When last summer I decided that perhaps I ought to work the trilogy towards publication, I was working part-time and was kind of weighing my options as to what to do in life. (I still am. Is anyone out there a career counsellor? Please send me some help, thanks.) Anyway, I had time to work on the rewrite in cafés after or before work, and I was quite into it! Then I swapped for a full-time job and all of my rewrite efforts, essentially, ceased. I realise now why I wrote the story when I was a student: I had sooooo much time. From 2009 to 2019, I suddenly don’t have that luxury anymore.

So what I am saying is that, from my end, and for now, the project is definitely on hiatus. You know, like one of your favourite emo bands. I don’t want to mislead people into thinking I am actively working on the project when I haven’t touched it in weeks or even months. I don’t know if my situation will change in the future, or if this is the universe telling me to let it go. I know some people definitely want me to just let the story be! And I know some really want to see it published, too. And you know what, if I ever did publish it, people would always just shrug it off as bandom fic, and it’s hard for me to deal with the reality of people constantly looking down at something I love very dearly. So I have my hesitations and reservations, and I have Dean stood at Venice Beach in 1969, staring at the waves and a decade of stardom.

I have always been my most successful in producing and finishing stories when I have selfishly written whatever makes me happy. I suppose the rewrite is not that for me right now.

Thank you for your patience. Soul searching is hard. xx

#but yeah it would have been cool to see what would have happened with a throam rewrite in another universe #throam #the heart rate of a mouse #ask #TG

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griseldabanks · 6 months ago

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Okay for the not-so-nice OC asks:

Break for Jakey

Nightmare for Dr. Robbins

Future for Leyla (suddenly can't remember if it's two as or an e and an a?)

-Rain

Jacob Rogers - break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

There are a lot of different ways I could answer this, because my Jakey-boy goes on quite the character arc, but I'll just take him from the end of the story. At that point, he's five, so still not completely out of the realm of full breakdown tantrums when he's particularly tired or stressed. The thing that probably makes him break down most is when he acts out in one way or another, and then kind of realizes what he's done and that Daddy is disappointed in him. At that point, the tears are mostly a sign of the fear he can never quite seem to shake - "Someday, I'm going to do something so bad that Daddy won't love me anymore." He doesn't really have the words or the self-awareness to articulate that, exactly, but the fear is present and sometimes overwhelming. Thankfully, it's not true - Steve is a wonderful father who will never stop loving Jake no matter what he does, and he's learning the right words to say to reassure Jake of that.

Dr. William Robbins - nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

Dr. Robbins is a therapist who treats the worst of the worst (if that's how you want to describe it) - men who have done the most horrific things imaginable, and who have had the most horrific things done to them. He's heard it all, he's imagined it all, sometimes he's even been there in the middle of a crisis or in the immediate aftermath of a brutal crime. So yeah, he can have some pretty awful nightmares. As a therapist, he knows a lot of techniques to deal with trauma, anxiety, and other distressing emotions, and sometimes he has to use the same techniques he uses with his clients on himself as well. His wife, Diane, has learned what helps the most in the immediate aftermath of a nightmare: to sit in the kitchen with a cup of tea and look through family photo albums that have nothing to do with his nightmares. Also, Dr. Robbins has his own therapist that he sees regularly to make sure he's taking care of himself well enough to help others. He and Diane also take vacations several times a year to visit family or just to get away from the city for a weekend and recharge.

Leyla Tailor (yes, you spelled it right) - future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

Lol, I went on quite the tangent in thinking about this question, and incidentally determined that Leyla is probably an enneagram 7. (Especially when I read a thing on 7's and 2's in relationship, and guess who's a 2...)

Leyla is a highly motivated person who needs to have like five projects going on at once or she gets bored. She has all kinds of great ideas and all the energy needed to get them done, but sometimes she can struggle with deciding which of her many projects should be the priority and where best to direct her energy. Especially since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., there's a danger of her floundering and ending up unable to support herself anymore and/or continue to do things that are productive and helpful for others. She doesn't really spend much time worrying about this (it would seem like a waste of time to her), but that probably is something that fuels her need to go-go-go.

And I'm not trying to suggest that romance fixes everybody's problems or anything, but she also tends to surround herself with people who have a very well-defined drive to do good in the world, and that helps direct her energy as well.

Not-So-Nice OC Ask Game

#ask and you shall receive #a2on1break #ask games #captain america #whole shards #take me in #jake rogers #dr robbins #leyla tailor

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sir-subpar · 5 months ago

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why have you been so quiet in the past 5 days?

also hope you had a happy 4th

I've been at work.

My job keeps me pretty busy. I work at a hotel and often spend my shifts alone. So I do a lot by myself. Reservations, appliance set up, post-stay charges, room inventory, key card issueing (although that's pretty easy, in my opinion), giving out complimentary laundry/soap/silverware, discounts, cashiering for the snack bar, etc.

And, very excitingly, I have been working with a local art gallery where I will soon sell my art.

I make scratch boards of people's pets. Example:

And on top of those things, I have been working on a collaboration with a very close friend of mine. We are writing an original story together. Is a story has two main protagonist, he is writing from the perspective of one of them, I am writing the other.

I have made concept portraits of some of the characters from our story:

Suddenly Psychic

So I have been pretty busy!

But I am doing well. I left a job that was treating me very poorly and now work at the hotel. Where so far I am much happier. After years of struggling to work with galleries I found one that is embracing my niche passion for Scratch boards. And I am working on a fun story with my best friend.

I had been fighting a rough depressive episode for a while, especially after the loss of our dog Buddy, making the choice to put him down was not an easy one. But it was the right one to end his suffering.

And I tend to have a bit of a depressive episode around the 4th pretty much every year.

As well as a bunch of questionings of my choice in career. A part of me is unsure if I want to pursue a future in psychology, but I'm so close to getting my associates degree. So at least I'll get that because I've spent years for it.

I worked on the 4th of July, but I'm not really a fan of 4th of July anyway, so I actually did it willingly. My manager asked me if I would work that day and I was very happy to accept it.

I don't like fireworks.

All in all, I had some tough decisions to make, still do.

But at the same time, so many things in my life are starting to come together now. I have a chance to really make a career as an artist. If this really works, I might not even have to continue College. I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket however, so I'm still going to classes in the fall. Just in case.

I had become a Psychology major because I wasn't seeing success in my art career. I figured I could just do art on the side and still be happy. But finally, I have a chance. A chance I thought was lost to me.

A chance with a gallery owner that really Believes In Me.

I'm kind of scared. The overwhelming positivity from this Gallery owner does make me uncertain about whether or not I can live up to his expectations of me. Even so, I have to try, I want to try.

I spent a huge part of my life, my upbringing, with very little hope for my future.

But I'm starting to see it. My hope. My chances.

My Future.

It will take years I'm certain. Currently I still live with my mother because I can't afford to move out or find an apartment.

But I feel hopeful. Even... Happy.

Sorry I haven't been on here as much, I do appreciate you all checking in on me after my radio silence. But I'm doing well as of now.

My "father", who wasn't good to me or my family, isn't in my life anymore. I got to spend time with my brother. I am working on a passion project with my best friend. I'm working a job I feel more respected at and pays more than my old one (about $12/hr). I am seeing my art be enjoyed both online and in person.

I even started HRT! Been on T for a little over a year now!

I'm just... Starting to find happiness.

It wasn't easy, still isn't, and it won't be easy going forward, but I feel like it is all worth it.

#subpar speaks #long post #very long post #looooooooong post #ask #answered #new job #suddenly psychic #thank you for checking in on me #and thank you #for listening #err... reading?

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aishangotome · 5 months ago

Text

Main Story Chapter 16-11: Before the Storm (暴雨來臨前) | Light and Night 光與夜之戀

Chapter 16-09

♡———♡

It was another hot and long summer.

I walked into Wan Zhen and happened to run into the administrative woman explaining the precautions to a group of new interns. She introduced me to them as the person in charge of Pristine.

"Hello, senior!" I don't know who in the crowd took the lead and shouted, and the rest of the people followed suit, unable to hide the longing and shyness on their faces.

I smiled and nodded at them. "Senior", this feeling is really wonderful. it should have been a year ago that I stepped into Wan Zhen like them, uneasy and full of longing for the future.

Time passed so quickly, the girl who first arrived and was a little reckless and curious about everything became a lot more relaxed and comfortable.

The people around me stop and go, come and go, some will never see each other again - the constant is always change. I don't know where I will be in the future?

I turned around and walked towards the office.

Pristine's production has come to an end and has entered the new stage.

Just after its launch, the main model was sold out of stock. Not only did it have a high degree of discussion on various platforms, but its first-day sales even directly rushed to the first place in the fast-selling category.

The company held a grand celebration banquet for our project team, and the atmosphere of joy filled the A group office every day.

However, the success of this season means that the pressure of the next season will be greater. After a short break, all of us put our energy into the design of the next season's new products.

Everything was progressing smoothly, and in a blink of an eye it was time for the weekly regular report.

Because the design center is now directly under Evan, I have to have a weekly meeting with him.

I clicked on the work software, and I was about to confirm the time of the regular meeting when I suddenly saw Evan's message.

Evan's Message: I have something to do today and I won't come to the company, so the regular meeting will be postponed.

His words, concise and to the point businesslike. I froze for a moment before I hurriedly replied "Okay."

Since I rejected Evan's offer to take me home last time, I have been trying to stick to the plan of not having any unnecessary contact with him outside of work.

And Evan, as if he had a good understanding of me, did not ask a word more than work, and became polite and unfamiliar. Later, he became busier and busier, and he basically didn't even show up for regular meetings.

It seems that we have really become the most ordinary of employees.

At the same time as I breathed a sigh of relief, my heart seemed to be empty.

Did he understand my thoughts and cooperate with me? Or did he also feel that getting along with me would bring him extra trouble, so he went with the flow and avoided it?

I don't know the answer, I only know that because of the sudden distance between us, the speculation about our relationship on the company forum gradually disappeared.

I see him less and less in the company, and the news about him comes from hearsay. I heard that he won a new cooperation project, heard that he was absent from work these days because of illness, heard...

Pristine's results are bright, Lu Ting has not taken any action recently, and under several factors, Evan's support rate in the company has climbed steadily.

This seems to be the best situation. As long as we continue to maintain the status quo, the election will most likely be successful.

But why don't I seem to be happy? Instead, I was occupied by a sourness. Isn't this the result I want to see?

My thoughts were stuck, and I couldn't draw the feeling I wanted. I put down my pen, and my thoughts gradually drifted away.

Mao Ge: Why are you so distracted?

Returning to the present, Mao Ge was looking at me worriedly.

Mao Ge: Have you had too much pressure recently?

You: Maybe.

Mao Ge: I've been drawing from last week until now, and my brain will explode if it keeps running for so long.

Mao Ge: It's better to change your mindset and find some physical work to do.

It's true. Even if I continued to think about it, I won't be able to keep focusing on drawing. Instead, my mood will just become more irritable. It would be best to find something else to do to get away from this stubbornness.

Just in time for this season, several sample clothes have arrived, and there will be a meeting with the marketing department in the afternoon to discuss the marketing direction, so let's send them over first.

Physical labor is best for stress-relieving, so I ran back and forth a few times and helped with transferring the items. Although I was not tired, I did sweat a little.

Mao Ge: Why don't I get the biggest one? Although it's not too heavy, the shelf may be too tall for you.

I picked up the box and tried it, and the highest point was just below the line of sight. I made an OK mouth shape to Mao Ge and walked towards the elevator.

Ding—the door opened.

When I saw who was standing inside, my feet froze, and I suddenly felt like I was being played by God. The person I thought I wouldn't see just appeared before my eyes.

You: .. Mr. Lu?

The man glanced at me, not surprised, and just stepped back to make room.

Evan: What floor are you going to?

He asked politely, his expression indifferent.

You: 12th floor, thank you.

I hesitated for a moment, but still walked in.

Didn't you say you weren't coming to the office? How could I run into him…. Did he lie to me?

My chest felt like it was blocked by something.

Don't think too much, maybe he just finished his work quickly and came back. Don't ask unnecessary questions, I told myself.

The elevator doors slowly closed in front of us.

I've never felt time move so slowly.

From the 36th floor to the 12th floor, it should only take a few seconds. But at this moment, two people, a small space, time seemed to suddenly freeze.

I tried to think about the unfinished design draft from earlier to get through this long silence.

However, God seemed to think that teasing me once wasn't enough, the elevator car suddenly shook and stopped, and the two numbers "20" on the display kept flashing.

You: ....!

The all-too-familiar scene made my body react before my brain could catch up. When I came to my senses, my hand was tightly gripping Evan's sleeve, and the suitcase had long since fallen to the ground.

I looked up in a panic, wanting to ask him if he was experiencing the same thing as a year ago. I remembered him telling me later that the elevator had been deliberately sabotaged.

However, I was met with a smile that was both unfamiliar and distant.

Evan glanced at the sleeve I was clutching, seeming to hesitate, but in the end, he didn't say anything. He simply used his other hand to press the call button on the wall.

With a buzz, the light on the intercom turned on.

Intercom: Sorry for the inconvenience, the elevator just experienced a brief interruption and is now back to normal.

The numbers on the display resumed scrolling, and the elevator smoothly descends.

Evan: The elevator is fine now, so you can let go now, right?

Though a smile remained on their face, their voice was flat and emotionless. That complete indifference made my heart sink.

I moved my lips, taking a while to find my voice.

You: "Um, sorry."

He shook his head without speaking, hands in his pockets, eyes fixed on the distance. Clearly, he didn't care about what just happened.

Finally, the elevator stopped. The doors had only opened halfway when I couldn't wait to get out. I can't explain why, but I felt extremely embarrassed.

However, maybe because I was rushing, I slipped as soon as I stepped out of the elevator.

You: Ah!

Luckily, the box cushioned my fall. In the split second before I fell, I braced myself with my hands and managed to keep my balance. But even though I didn't fall, my knee still hit the ground.

Thud! Even through the fabric, it still hurt. I endured the pain for a while, trying to figure out how to get up, when I suddenly felt someone watching me from the corner of my eye.

I turned my head. The elevator doors hadn't closed yet. Evan was standing to the side, his eyes fixed on me.

☼ Light: Ask for help

☾ Night: Don't ask for help

☼ [Light: Ask for help]

I don't know if I had a look of asking for help, I guess I must have.

But all around was silence. There were no footsteps, no sighs, no voices, none of the sounds I expected. He remained standing there, his expression unchanged.

Evan: Can you stand up?

I was stunned for a moment, then realized he was talking to me. Of course, there was no one else here. But a dull ache suddenly rose in my chest, as if I had finally received the delayed pain signal from my knee.

You: Yes.

Kneeling for too long had made my legs numb, but nothing made me feel as bad as this sentence. I gritted my teeth, braced myself with my hands, rolled over, and slowly stood up.

Evan: Good.

Evan nodded and pressed the elevator button.

Evan: I have something to do, I'll go first.

I didn't even see his face, only his back disappearing behind the elevator doors.

☼

☾ [Night: Don't ask for help]

I opened my mouth, but quickly turned my head away.

Forget it, it's not a big deal. I've persisted for so long before, there's no need to look for him for this trivial matter now.

However, even though I thought so, there was a hint of anticipation in my heart that I couldn't ignore.

At this moment, the sound of cloth rubbing sounded in the silent corridor. I was stunned for a moment and turned my head to find that Evan had put the clothes that fell out back into the box.

Evan: If there's nothing else, I'll go first.

The elevator door closed slowly, I looked at the clothes in the box, lowered my head, the boredom and sadness in my heart almost overwhelmed the pain from my knees.

Finally, I supported the ground with my hands and stood up little by little.

☾

Back in the office, I sat down and found that my knee was scraped. I pressed on the bone and it didn't hurt, so it shouldn't be anything serious.

But the dull ache in my heart wouldn't go away.

I couldn't tell when it started, but the "distancing" act between Evan and me had unknowingly become real.

He didn't actually care about distancing himself from me.

I shook my head with a bitter smile and limped slowly to get some medicine.

Bad luck never comes alone. The place where the first aid kit was usually kept was crammed with junk. I couldn't find it after searching everywhere.

I leaned on the cabinet, lost in thought for a while. When I snapped out of it, I didn't know what I was thinking about, maybe nothing at all.

I opened the food delivery app, about to place an order, when Mao Ge suddenly walked in, holding the missing first aid kit.

You: You took the first aid kit?!

Mao Ge: Yeah, admin told us to restock some medicines. And Jiang Lai got a cold recently, right? What's wrong?

You: I fell down.

Mao Ge: Don't move, don't move. Let me help you to your seat.

Mao Ge: I told you I'd carry the box, but you insisted. Do you need to go to the hospital?

You: It's not a big deal, just need some medicine.

After helping me to my chair, Mao Ge suddenly remembered something.

Mao Ge: Should I say you're unlucky or lucky?

Mao Ge: The medicine admin restock happens to be iodine, gauze, and bruise spray.

Mao Ge: It's like they knew you fell.

I opened the first aid kit, but Evan's indifferent face uncontrollably appeared before my eyes.

You: I guess I'm just... unlucky.

The noon bell tolled over the city.

Lu Ting sat in the car heading towards Wan Zhen, his face livid as he stared at the astronomical figure on the fabric purchase contract in his hand.

He had assumed that Evan, for the sake of the brand's reputation and support rate, would definitely be willing to swallow the cost of that batch of fabric, so he planned to make him bleed.

And indeed, he did so, relentlessly raising the price against him in the auction.

But unexpectedly, at the last moment, after he had raised the price tenfold, Evan gave up and somehow managed to get ready-made fabric from somewhere else.

He actually spent a fortune on a pile of scrap metal!

Recently, there was also a company of unknown origin acquiring Wan Zhen's shares. Everything was going wrong, and Lu Ting angrily kicked the back of the front seat.

The driver slammed on the brakes, fearfully lowering his head, waiting for Lu Ting's instructions.

In the deathly silence, a monotonous sound came from overhead. Lu Ting rolled down the window and listened to the last two tolls, like a countdown to a death knell, gradually calming him down.

So what if he won this round? Evan didn't know yet that he had already suggested to the head of the family to use Y/N's body as the new vessel.

He guessed that the head of the family had already had this idea, and all he did was add fuel to the fire.

Lu Ting: Return to the Lu family castle.

Let's start with what he cares about most now. After so many years, he seems to have forgotten the taste of loss.

When Evan arrived at the Lu family castle's basement, it was already past one o'clock. He remembered the last time he was here was years ago, when the head of the family changed bodies.

The stairs extended downwards, seemingly endless. Step by step, he moved away from the world of light.

The inability to walk was a sign that the vessel was collapsing. It seemed the head of the family had a new plan. This time, he was called here, probably for this matter... Suddenly, Evan stopped in his tracks.

A strong sense of foreboding made him immediately look up. The entrance closed shut at that moment, with a loud bang.

There was no turning back.

Statues lined both sides of the path, their eyes open, glaring angrily. The blue light shone down on them, as if they were about to come alive at any moment.

The thicker the fog, the stronger the smell of blood.

Evan saw the old man sitting in the leather chair ahead. He respectfully lowered his head.

???: You're getting later and later.

Evan: I had some personal matters to attend to, which caused a delay.

???: You should always remember your duty.

???: You've done well from childhood to adulthood. What's the reason for your recent repeated mistakes?

Evan: It won't happen again.

Evan's expression remained indifferent.

???: I called you here today because I have a task for you.

???: I've found a suitable vessel. All you need to do is bring her here.

Evan: It sounds like I know this new vessel.

???: Y/N. Of course you know her.

Evan was taken aback, a clear hesitation on his face. The old man recalled what Lu Ting had told him earlier, the rumors about Evan and Y/N having a close relationship at the company. This displeased him greatly.

???: Or, can't you do it?

Evan: No, as long as you need her, I will definitely bring her to you.

Evan: But... Uncle must have found many suitable vessels for the head of the family. Why are you particularly interested in her?

???: You've spent too much energy on the company. It's time to learn about the blood clan's past.

???: Do you remember how the blood clan left the seabed?

Evan: You said that most of the gods suppressed under the sea left by voluntarily accepting divine punishment.

Evan: They are the ancestors of the blood clan.

Evan: And those gods who refused to accept divine punishment are still imprisoned there.

???: But there's one more thing I didn't tell you.

???: The power of the seabed barrier is weakening. A tsunami twenty-three years ago further loosened the barrier.

???: At that time, some gods escaped to the human world.

???: And Y/N, she possesses the power to destroy the blood clan's self-healing ability. This is the power of the gods.

Evan: Are you saying she's a god? But from my interactions with her, I don't think she knows about this.

???: It is indeed strange. Gods don't lose their memories when they come to the human world.

???: And from the looks of it, it seems like she only recently acquired that power and doesn't know how to control it.

Evan: Do you need to arrange for someone to investigate?

???: No need. Whether it's the spirit clan or the blood clan, there are very few left who know about these things.

The old man let out a long sigh.

???: No matter what secrets she has, as long as she possesses the power of the gods, she will be a perfect vessel for the blood clan.

Evan finally seemed to understand and nodded.

Evan: I understand.

Evan: However, you may need to give me some time.

Evan: Before bringing her here, I will first extract her soul while she is unguarded, so as not to damage the vessel and affect your subsequent use.

The old man was extremely satisfied with Evan's obedience and humility.

???: I'll give you two weeks. Don't disappoint me.

Outside the door, Lu Ting heard everything. He turned and left thoughtfully. By the time Evan came out, there was no one in sight.

The car drove along Huinan Road towards the suburbs. As the traffic light changed, Zhou Yan stepped on the brakes.

He glanced at the rearview mirror. Evan's brow had been furrowed since they left the castle. He figured the old head of the family had given his young master a task that was both impossible to refuse and extremely cruel.

Zhou Yan had seen this expression many times. In fact, this expression had been on the young master's face since he was very young, and there was even a time when he lost all other expressions.

But as he grew older, such occurrences became less frequent, and in recent years, they had almost disappeared.

Besides, having followed the young master all these years and seen him do all sorts of cruel things, what else could make him like this?

Zhou Yan couldn't find the answer, and he didn't know how to ask. Suddenly, he saw Evan in the mirror smile slightly.

That smile instantly transported him back many, many years ago, to the time when the young master first volunteered for the trial.

When he arrived, corpses were scattered everywhere.

The sun was about to set, losing its daytime ferocity. The blood-red light made it look particularly gentle. The young master stood before the setting sun, staring at his palm, lost in thought.

He cried out in fear, and the young master turned around. A smile slowly spread across his clean face. He didn't understand, but a smile meant happiness, so he smiled along with him.

In Zhou Yan's memory, the young master was happy that night.

But was he really happy? He suddenly felt that his memories had deceived him, and the words he wanted to ask became awkward. Zhou Yan tried many times, but in the end, he changed the subject.

Zhou Yan: Boss, the fabric incident this time dealt a heavy blow to Lu Ting.

Zhou Yan: Currently, the total share acquisition is 9.65%, 0.95% higher than Lu Ting's.

Zhou Yan: Your reputation and support rate in the company have also surpassed his.

But he soon realized that Evan was just staring absentmindedly out the window. He didn't care about these things.

Zhou Yan: By the way, the iodine and other things you asked me to prepare earlier have been delivered to the administration department.

Zhou Yan: The design center has also been notified to pick them up.

Evan: Hmm.

A very soft reply, but Zhou Yan knew that Evan was listening to him attentively.

Zhou Yan: The stock price rose by 3.98% in a single day. I think Pristine played a big role in that.

Zhou Yan: Miss Y/N contributed greatly to this season's success. You always have the best eye for people.

Zhou Yan: Sometimes, looking at Miss Y/N, I even feel like I'm seeing the young master from the past.

Evan, who was flipping through financial reports, looked at Zhou Yan in surprise. Zhou Yan immediately realized that he had almost lost his composure.

Zhou Yan: I apologize, I shouldn't have said that.

Evan: Why?

However, Evan didn't ignore it as he usually did. Instead, he asked him very seriously, even a bit confused, why.

Evan: Why do you think she's like me?

Zhou Yan: You once said that she was being followed at the café in the beginning, similar to what happened to you back then.

Evan: So that's it.

Evan chuckled, but Zhou Yan inexplicably felt that he was actually sad.

Zhou Yan: Miss Y/N is very insightful. She seems gentle and soft, but she's actually very determined.

Zhou Yan recalled his few interactions with Y/N, carefully counting them. He didn't notice that Evan's hand, which was turning pages behind him, had stopped.

Zhou Yan: She has a clear goal, and once she sets her mind on a path, she'll follow it through. There's nothing that can sway her.

Zhou Yan: If there's anything else--

The light turned green, and the car could have easily made it through the intersection, but Zhou Yan stopped for no apparent reason. He looked troubled, as if something was on his mind but he couldn't quite articulate it.

Zhou Yan: Y/N, she...

The sentence trailed off, and Zhou Yan eventually shook his head, unable to find the right words.

Zhou Yan: Sorry, Boss, I can't quite explain it. I just feel like there's more to it.

Evan: It's okay.

The green light saved Zhou Yan from further explanation. He breathed a sigh of relief and glanced at the rearview mirror again, only to see Evan engrossed in some documents, as if nothing had happened.

The car pulled over at the alleyway of Huinan Road. Zhou Yan hurriedly got out, only to find that the familiar shop was gone.

Zhou Yan: Young Master, Zhou Weicheng is missing.

Evan: Have you been in contact since your last meeting?

Zhou Yan: No. He was sent away by my grandfather when he was very young, and we don't have a close relationship.

Zhou Yan: We only met again when he became that person's assistant.

Zhou Yan: Maybe my father knows his whereabouts.

Evan: Be sure to find him.

Evan: He should be able to tell me about the "God."

Zhou Yan: Yes. Shall we return to Wan Zhen now?

Evan nodded, but as he opened the car door, he suddenly realized he had overlooked something. There had always been a man with a blurred face standing between him and Zhou Weicheng.

Even though they weren't close.

He didn't deliberately try to forget, he genuinely couldn't remember.

Evan: Let's not go to Wan Zhen yet. Head back to the Lu family castle.

A sudden, inexplicable anticipation rose within Evan. He thought, perhaps that person could give him an answer that satisfies both sides.

Chapter 16-13

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