#also strangely the most comfortable ive ever had it

[humongousabysmal]

I have a huge pile of dirty pillows and plushies on my bed right now and i should clean them but honestly i justDGAF anymore. I dontgive one fuck two fuck red fuck bleue fuck illjusy keep my bed like this forever.

[tannieastrology]

Synastry/Composite Observations 🌠

(These are just some of my experiences and I really just wanna share what I learned with yall)💕

Synastry-

💙✨ Saturn square Venus can really just throw off the timing of a relationship. Well its less the timing and more of the fact of that the two people cant ever make their minds up and mature up for one another. And there are for sure alot of barriers that come withing this aspect one of them being that other people can set these two apart. In the couple that i saw this in the guy was Saturn and the woman was Venus. Venus was led on for almost 2 years while Saturn chased a different woman in that time. Until in may 2023 they started talking but their communication was off so Saturn broke it off. Now in december everyone finds out Saturn wants her back but Venus has moved on. So in their case it was a lack of maturity and indecisiveness.

💙✨ Venus conjunct Pluto makes the Venus person SO obsessive ESP if the Venus person has scorpio in their natal chart. Remember the Saturn guy from the first bullet point? He was the guy ive had a crush on for the past 3 years and in my scenario with him, hes the pluto in this case. Sadly it was unrequited but man this guy had me in a chokehold which was weird because I never wouldve thought id be attracted to someone like him. Its like no matter how far I go I cant ever forget about him its so frustrating. My Venus was conjunct his Pluto in Capricorn in my 3rd house so the way we talked to each other was very agressively but strangely we find comfort in it? Talking to him was easy too but lemme tell you when we argued WE ARGUED like it was HEATED. Our friend group always felt so uncomfortable whenever we went back and forth with each other. So yeah i would say really look at what house this conjunction happens in because for me it affected my house of mind, communication, and friends but if it falls in a deeper house like the 8th house the affects would be like 10x more magnified. Alot of people say its a sexual aspect but I really just think it depends on where it lands. I fell hard because im a plutonian person in general i have a Scorpio Moon and Lilith conjunct in the second house and my Venus in the 8th degree.

💙✨ Venus conjunct Moon brings alot of understanding and patience in a friendship/relationship. So ironically the Pluto guy also had his Capricorn Moon conjunct my Venus nd while we did argue alot and made me cry often I always had a soft spot for him. I felt like I understood him and we had many times where we joked around and laughed often. However Venus conjunct Moon can sometimes amplify your emotions to each other if theres other planets in contact with it. In a case like mine BOTH his Pluto and Moon conjuncted my Venus so most of the times our interactions stirred up obesessive and deeper emotions in me. Sometimes he triggered my trauma and i felt judged by him often but as me and him are getting older and are maturing more we stopped attacking each other and started being more honest with how we feel about things. I tell him about my personal struggles and he helps by giving me logical advice. Because of the fact that our aspect was in Capricorn it took us almost 4 years to have proper communication and be able to share our traumas with each other. I trust him alot even though we bicker often and even if he might not like me back hes still such a understanding friend and was there for me when i needed him and that itself is something to appreciate.

💙✨ If one persons Venus doesnt have alot of contact with your planets in your synastry but the other persons Venus has many aspects it may be unrequited. In my instance with the Pluto guy my Venus conjuncted his Moon, Pluto, and Jupiter and trined his Virgo Mars and Saturn while the only aspects his Leo Venus made to my planets was Venus opposition Sun and sextile Vertex. From the guy I really do believe he should have atleast some type of contact with your big six in order for him to feel something.

💙✨ So going back to the Venus and Saturn couple they also had Venus conjunct Lilith in Saggitarius and she was the one who got away. So like i said she was obsessed with him and everybody knew it too. I mean when she found out I also liked him she started hating me even though i never acted on my feelings and tried to supress it. He was the Lilith in this case and you can really see that hes attracted to her but theyre lowkey toxic sometimes. He blew hot and cold to her multiple times and everytime she got a boyfriend he wants her back like what?? She wouldve done anything for him but nah he sold. Theyre never gonna forget about each other and this aspect in my opinion has a very “the one that got away” type feel to it.

💙✨ Even if your planets dont make an aspect you can still feel it sometimes. I have a Gemini Mars and Pluto guy had a Virgo Mars and lemme tell you our arguements were BAD even though they didnt make an aspect. He always knew how to retaliate to whatever i said and always had a slick comment to throw in and my fucked up Gemini Mars self found that interesting which looking back at im hella concerned. I also cant forget that his Mars conjuncted my Saturn and my Mars squared his Saturn so the intensity came from all ends not just the signs.

Onto Composite!

(Just a Disclaimer all of these observations are made off of me and the Pluto guy)

💙✨ Having a Taurus Sun in composite can mean that both people are stubborn. Im just gonna use my experience to explain this but having Taurus in the position of Sun can be either bad or good. Me and Pluto are young we’re both still in highschool so i know this wont be how we are gonna act forever but our relation to each other was a very slow process. It took YEARS for us to get out of the arguing with each other/ insulting each other phase since the 6th grade but damn sometimes i really feel like he doesnt ever get what im trying to say. We move so SLOW when it comes to our friendship and also communication because our Mercury is Conjunct the Sun in Taurus too. I read on a blog named awda on here that Taurus Sun couples never expect to catch feelings and its so true. To start with I never really liked him when i saw him back in middle school but in 8th grade i caught feelings bad nd since then i havent been able to forget about it. And weirdly alot of people ship us too. Ive read online that this placement means comfort with each other and while yes i have felt it sometimes, i feel that the comfort aspect of Taurus Sun in composite only applies if the chart is filled with trines and sextiles. Our composite is just squares and oppositions everywhere so we feel the stubborness and uncompromising aspect of the Taurus energy more than anything else. Ive done everything I possibly can to try to move on but im honestly stuck with him for a while now. Thats how Taurus Sun feels in my opinion. Its long lasting and not something you can run away from. People will ship you as a couple and yall might be like nooooo i would never but then boom one day you actually catch feelings. And who knows maybe one day he will I mean thats what my our older mutual friend tells me. I have no clue how he ever feels and I know its because of his natal Capricorn Moon but ive always held a soft spot for him deep down. Ive always wanted to look after him and wanted him to put his trust into me but it was never like that i guess. Maybe one day it will progress into something more who knows?

💙✨ Venus square Mars was another aspect that we held in alot of our midpoint charts like the progressed composite, the regular composite, and the davison chart. When i tell you how potent the energy of this aspect was to us even though we had Venus trine Mars in synastry. Ive always asked him why do you like arguing with me? Why do you like bothering me? But hes never really been able to give an answer. And i think thats just how this energy is. You start to find comfort in the disagreements and in a way it kept us stimulated. It was a way for me and him to connect and become friends. Dont get me wrong there were times where we genuinely got on each other nerves but with time we got more mature and learn how to talk things out and respect each others boundries. We still bicker obviously i really feel like thats never gonna go away lmao but its wayyyy more toned down now. Im not even trying to be delusional but i sometimes feel like hes always fixated on me the most in social situations and many people have pointed it out to me. Even if it might not be romantic it can still make the two people infatuated with each other. You know the saying “theres a fine line between love and hate” this is literally that aspect in a nutshell. You just have to figure out how to express your feelings for one another in a healthy way otherwise you can start to find the other person to be annoying and irritating. This aspect had me all over the place man liking someone and hating them at the same time was crazyyy.

💙✨Make sure you check your progressed composite too. Obviously relationships change and i think the progressed version of the chart is more realistic in how things are in the present time. In our regular chart we have Venus in Libra which i was like eh that doesnt really match us that well. But when i saw the progressed chart it showed that we have Venus in Scorpio conjunct Mercury in the 10th degree and it makes muchhhh more sense. The twisted way we talk to each other and the deep conversations feel more fitting to Scorpio than Libra. We recently started to open up to each other more and this progression happened in 2023 compared to in 2019 when we first met Mercury was conjunct the Sun in Taurus. So we went from stubborn arguements to being more comprehensive but snarky nonetheless. Also it explains me not losing feelings too lmao. Im only really speaking from my side ive had no clue how he felt but I know that he was just as clueless as me. In our original composite we had Sun square Mars and Mercury opposition Venus and we were like cats and dogs back then. Now, in 2024 we have Mercury conjunct Venus and Sun sextile moon along with Moon trine Venus and Mercury. The Sun square Mars aspect went away and were on the same wavelength alot more now. Its really interesting to see how it changed you should definitely check it out if you get the chance to.

💙✨Just something that I observed but all the girls he liked they had an aspect of venus trine moon and some type of positive aspect from venus and mars. All of them were weirdly unrequited though and i still dont know how to figure out how people get stuck in the friendzone using composite but i think it depends on the house and peoples natal charts. I dont have their birth time so i couldnt figure the house things out but look to see where the big six fall and what sign the ascendant is in.

I know I dont post on here anymore but I really hope yall enjoyed this!! See yall next time💕

[icaruspendragon]

im sorry to ask but i dont know what else to do—how did you do it how did you dig yourself out because it feels like i am choking on dirt and people keep shoveling it onto me and i miss her so much and i dont know how to make this feeling stop. she was my best friend. ive never lived in a world without her before. how did you do it. how are you doing it

grief is so hard and so heavy when we first meet it. it feels like all our arms will ever hold for the rest of forever. and it is, in a sense. once we pick it up, we never really set it down. not fully.

and I don't think it gets lighter, I think we somehow, impossibly, get stronger.

there's lots of metaphors for grief. that's one of them. another one I like to use is that it feels like you're in the grave with them. like lazarus. like yourself. waiting for someone to raise you from the dead. to raise you both.

I've learned a lot about crawling out of the grave. more than I would have ever wanted to learn. like how emptiness is actually quite heavy. or how to pretend like you feel half-alive. but I think the most important thing I've learned is that somedays, we inexplicably end up back in it. and that sucks.

because we just spent months clawing our way through the bugs and the earth. because our soldier-hands have finally breached the surface. because the sun is finally caressing our hell-fresh faces. because for the first time in months we feel like we can finally breath. and then, suddenly, we're right back in the terrible thick of it.

those days make it feel like I'm sisyphus and grave dirt is my rock. or like I'm prometheus and the darkness is my eagle.

but then it's tuesday.

which is to say my brother died on my 25th birthday, a monday. and that day is now a memory that's fuzzy around the edges. single snapshots I know are connected, but I couldn't tell you how. I remember my mother standing in my bedroom and tears and family and phone calls and cleaning my living room because I didn't know what to do with my hands. I remember going to my grandmothers and my phone vibrating off the table and leaving to go get coffee because I couldn't sit still. I remember joking, trying to joke. trying to do whatever I could to make sense of that impossible day. I remember checking my phone and reading and rereading the messages, a mixed bag of congratulations for surviving another year and condolences that my brother didn't, I remember not knowing how to respond to any of them. so I didn't. I remember being surrounded by so many people doing nothing but extending love and kindness to me and never feeling more alone. the world was ending and I was alone. I thought that day would go on forever.

but it didn't.

it ended, as all things do. monday was over and my first day as an only child was done.

and suddenly it was tuesday. and everything was different but also exactly the same.

it was tuesday and my brother was dead. I was so heavy when I woke up that first tuesday. so heavy and confused. I thought the world had ended. it surely felt like it had. but it hadn't. because the world couldn't have ended on monday.

not if it was tuesday.

it was tuesday and my brother was dead but the world wasn't ending. monday should have been our demise, but it wasn't. and it hasn't. and it won't. because just as sure as we have mondays, we'll always have tuesdays.

that's something I've taken a strange comfort in, knowing that we'll always have tuesdays.

the feeling never stops. but I think that's okay. because you're only feeling that way because there was love first. and as much as what I felt on that first tuesday hurts, as much as it suffocates, as much as it consumes, I'd take the hurt and the suffocation and the consumption because the love I felt first will always, always be worth it.

tuesdays will always be worth it.

like yeah, if I loved less, it wouldn't hurt this bad. but I don't want to live in a world where I have to love less. where I was loved less.

I'll take the pain. I'll take the grave days. I'll take the rock. I'll take the eagle. I'll take apocalyptic, earthshaking mondays. I'll take every last wretched bit because goddamn what a miracle it is to love so bad it hurts this big.

I hold that love, his love for me and my love for him, a love that's now become our love in the cage of my ribs while I'm in the cage of the grave. and I dig.

it's monday and I dig.

I dig.

and then tuesday comes.

[onegayastronaut]

Heartbeat of Love

Requested by anon: Can you write Maya x Carina x reader where reader has some cardiac problems? Thank you so much!!!

Words: 1924

The rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor was something you had grown used to. It had become a strange, unwelcome companion over the past few weeks, a reminder of the fragility of your own heart. But today, the beeping was drowned out by the sound of laughter and soft whispers, the warmth of love replacing the sterile loneliness of the hospital room.

Maya and Carina had taken it upon themselves to ensure that you never felt alone, not for a single moment. The two women had practically moved into your hospital room, setting up a mini-home with warm blankets, your favorite scented candles (which the nurses had begrudgingly allowed), and a playlist filled with songs that reminded them of you. They had turned an otherwise dreary hospital stay into something almost comforting.

“Amore, you should eat something,” Carina murmured, sitting on the edge of your bed, her fingers brushing the hair from your face.

Maya, ever the overachiever, immediately held up a spoonful of soup. “She’s right. You need your strength. Doctor’s orders.”

You huffed, looking at both of them with a tired smile. “Doctor’s orders? I think that only applies when it’s an actual doctor giving them.” You glanced pointedly at Maya.

Carina smirked. “Lucky for you, I am an actual doctor.” She leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before giving Maya a teasing look. “But she’s very cute when she tries to play one.”

Maya pouted dramatically. “Excuse you, I am very medically knowledgeable. Firefighters have to be.”

You giggled, taking the spoon from Maya and sipping at the soup to appease them both. “I don’t doubt it, babe. But I also know you’re just looking for an excuse to boss me around.”

Maya smirked. “You know me so well.”

Carina let out a soft laugh and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, careful of the IV line in your arm. “And we both know that you are the most stubborn of us all, so let’s not pretend otherwise.”

It was true. You had resisted being admitted to the hospital for as long as possible, despite the growing concerns about your worsening symptoms. It wasn’t until one particularly bad episode—one that had left you dizzy, gasping, and clutching your chest—that Maya had scooped you up and driven you straight to the hospital. Carina had met you both there, already throwing on her attending badge and demanding the best care for you.

Now, a week into your stay, you were tired of the sterile walls, tired of the beeping machines, and most of all, tired of worrying them. You could see the exhaustion in their eyes, the way they never left your side for too long, the way they whispered worriedly when they thought you were asleep.

You reached out, intertwining your fingers with theirs. “I’m going to be okay,” you whispered. “I promise.”

Maya exhaled slowly, squeezing your hand. “You have no idea how much I want to believe that.”

Carina nodded, her thumb brushing over your knuckles. “We just… we need you to be okay, baby.”

You swallowed past the lump in your throat. “I know. And I will be. Because I have you both.”

The three of you sat in comfortable silence for a while, the sounds of the hospital fading into the background as you simply existed together. Maya traced patterns along your arm, while Carina pressed light kisses along your temple. Their love was a tangible thing, a steady heartbeat in a world of uncertainty.

After a moment, Maya sat up straighter. “Okay, enough heavy stuff. Let’s do something fun.”

Carina raised an eyebrow. “Fun? In a hospital?”

Maya grinned. “Absolutely. I brought cards.”

You groaned. “Please don’t say Uno.”

Maya gasped in mock offense. “Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?”

“Because you’re a menace when you play Uno,” you teased.

Carina laughed. “It’s true. She once made Jack cry during a game at the station.”

Maya shrugged, completely unapologetic. “Weak.”

You giggled, shaking your head. “Alright, fine. But I swear, if you hit me with a Draw Four when I’m already dealing with a heart condition, I’m breaking up with you.”

Carina smirked. “Oh, I would pay to see that.”

Maya pouted dramatically. “You wouldn’t dare.”

You gave her an innocent smile, but before you could say anything else, Carina leaned in and whispered, “I’ll help you.”

Maya groaned as you and Carina burst into laughter, and for the first time in weeks, your heart felt light. No matter what lay ahead, you knew one thing for sure—you were surrounded by love, and that was the best medicine of all.

Returning home was a relief, but it also came with its own challenges. Maya and Carina were overly protective, hovering over you at every opportunity. If you so much as shifted on the couch, one of them was there, adjusting pillows or offering water.

“Babe, I love you both, but I’m not made of glass,” you huffed as Maya tucked a blanket around you for the third time that morning.

Maya crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes. “You had heart surgery two weeks ago. Humor me.”

Carina sighed, setting down a bowl of fresh fruit. “Maya, maybe we should let her breathe?”

Maya sighed but relented, sitting beside you. “Fine. But you have to promise to tell us if you feel even a little bit off.”

You smiled, leaning into her. “I promise.”

Carina sat on your other side, pressing a kiss to your temple. “And no trying to do too much too soon.”

Days passed with quiet moments of love—Maya carrying you to bed when exhaustion won, Carina massaging your back when the pain made sleep difficult, and both of them showering you in affection.

One night, as the three of you lay in bed, Maya traced circles on your wrist. “I was so scared,” she admitted softly. “When I saw you collapse, I thought—” She swallowed hard.

Carina squeezed her hand. “We both did.”

You kissed their hands, your voice steady. “But I’m here. Because of you two.”

Maya exhaled, then pulled you into her arms, Carina wrapping around both of you. “Forever,” she murmured as Carina leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead.

The following weeks were filled with slow healing, laughter, and the occasional frustration of being forced to rest. But through it all, Maya and Carina remained your anchor, making sure you never felt like a burden. From cozy movie nights to Carina cooking your favorite meals, their love surrounded you in every moment.

Maya had taken to being your self-appointed cheerleader, filling your days with lighthearted banter and dramatic reenactments of action movies just to see you laugh. Carina, on the other hand, had an almost supernatural ability to sense when you were overdoing it, her gentle but firm hands guiding you back to the couch with a warning glance.

One night, as you all cuddled on the couch, Carina looked at you with a mischievous grin. “When you’re better, we should take a trip. Just the three of us.”

Maya lit up. “Somewhere warm. Somewhere peaceful.”

You smiled. “That sounds perfect.”

The day finally arrived, and as you stepped off the plane, the warm embrace of the coastal breeze enveloped you. The rhythmic sound of waves crashing against the shore was a melody that instantly soothed your soul. Maya stretched her arms above her head, taking in the view of the crystal-clear ocean while Carina adjusted her sunhat, her smile radiant.

“This is exactly what we needed,” Maya declared, looping an arm around your shoulders.

Carina nodded. “And exactly what you needed, amore.”

The small villa you had rented was perfect—a charming hideaway nestled between lush greenery and a private beach. The open-air patio provided the perfect view of the horizon, where the sun dipped into the water, casting hues of pink and orange across the sky.

The days unfolded in a blissful haze. Mornings were slow and easy, with Carina preparing fresh fruit and warm pastries while Maya brewed coffee. You would sit together, enjoying the serenity, letting the sun kiss your skin. Afternoons were spent exploring nearby markets, taking dips in the ocean, and lounging on the beach with a book in hand.

Maya was relentless in her attempts to teach you how to surf, her enthusiasm infectious even when you tumbled into the waves more times than you could count. Carina, ever the responsible one, made sure to remind you to take breaks, keeping an eye on your energy levels without ever making you feel fragile.

Evenings were your favorite—watching the sun set while Maya and Carina prepared dinner together, stealing kisses as they worked. The nights stretched long, filled with laughter, whispered conversations under the stars, and the comfort of being wrapped in their arms.

One night, as you sat by the fire, Carina leaned in and murmured, “You’re glowing, amore.”

Maya grinned, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “Told you this trip was a good idea.”

And as you listened to the ocean's gentle song, with the two people you loved most beside you, you knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you would always have them—your anchor, your home, your heart.

The next morning, you woke up to the sound of seagulls and the distant crashing of waves. Sunlight filtered through the sheer curtains, casting golden patterns across the sheets. You turned to find Maya still fast asleep, her arm draped over Carina, who was just beginning to stir.

Not wanting to wake them, you slipped out of bed and stepped outside onto the patio. The ocean stretched endlessly before you, a vast, calming expanse. The salty air filled your lungs, and for the first time in a long while, you felt whole.

Maya joined you moments later, wrapping her arms around your waist from behind. “I know that look. You’re thinking about something.”

You smiled, leaning back against her. “Just taking it all in. It feels like a dream.”

“Then let’s make it last as long as we can,” she said, pressing a kiss to your shoulder.

Carina appeared shortly after, a cup of coffee in hand. “Good morning.”

The rest of the trip continued in the same dreamy fashion. One afternoon, you rented a small boat and sailed along the coast, Maya at the helm, grinning like a child as she steered you through the glistening water. Carina pointed out hidden coves, and at one point, you all dove into the ocean, reveling in the cool embrace of the sea.

Another day, you stumbled upon a tiny, family-run restaurant tucked away from the usual tourist spots. The food was exquisite, and the owners welcomed you like old friends. Carina chatted animatedly with them in Italian, while Maya made it her mission to sample every dessert on the menu.

On the final night, the three of you took a walk along the beach, hand in hand. The stars shimmered above, the waves lapped at your feet, and for the first time in forever, you felt truly at peace.

Maya squeezed your hand. “I don’t want to go back.”

Carina sighed wistfully. “Neither do I.”

You smiled, squeezing both their hands. “Then let’s make a promise—we’ll do this again. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next month, but we will.”

And as the three of you stood there, wrapped in the magic of the moment, you knew it was a promise you’d all keep.

[the5thcellar]

I actually think Luke is serious about A. That age gap is typically what men marry these days. I think he's crazy about her and was taking it slow after a long term break up before going official. That shows intention, planning, and wanting her. I wouldn't be surprised the official IG couple post is coming soon.

I'm just upset that they took it this far with promo. Tom and Z were meeting each other's family outside of work early on, so to say you are officially brining him to meet the fame was a bit much. Closing your eyes when she touches your face? Grade A acting. I hate that it makes me believe he was never attracted to an amazing woman like Nicola. I feel dumb for falling for it all. I hope Nicola finds a handsome guy who will love her proudly.

that's a really interesting take tbh! ive actually never considered he was serious about her in the sense of marrying - but of course this is purely based off the vibes I get and is entirely my own view.

one of the reasons i say this is because luke doesn't seem too inclined to keep a completely friendly distance between himself and nic - i heard that the QC leads india and corey were shipped really hard by fans as well and he had a gf during the whole press run - and towards the end india and corey started posing separately on carpets (i.e. no touching, no friendly hand around shoulder even during photos etc) because they wanted to emphasise that they were really just friends.

luke in contrast seems to have no qualms about blurring lines - and one of the reasons the more rabid fans kept insulting Antonia was a direct result of the fact that he kept stating his "single" status to press. I think he could have helped Antonia avoid a lot of the flak she drew by just stating that he's seeing someone. but maybe he felt it would draw even more attention to his private life and her? idk. i don't want to puzzle over his motivations because I don't believe they are too complex - I've said this many times before and I'll keep saying it - no matter how good a man seems (and I do believe Luke is very good and sweet), trying to justify anything they do is still a sure path to disappointment.

more importantly: please don't feel dumb for falling for the hope that nic and luke could be together! i really don't think they were being deliberately disingenuous - i actually think the opposite - i think they themselves are often confused about what they really are and it's just easier to define it as being great friends. it's strange but i get the feeling that they see each other as a source of potential - it's simultaneously impossible and also the easiest thing in the world for them to envision a reality where they're together - there just seems to be many barriers to it happening for real. they're comfortable living in the liminal space between great friendship and great romantic love - it definitely explains why nic said she doesn't have a relationship in her life that's anything close to what she has with luke. I think there just needs to be a decisive push for them to ever move out of this grey area. it'll have to be something massive for it to ever happen... and it's not something I hold out hope for (again, just to avoid disappointment!)

this got really long; I wish nic and luke all the best and I think they have something very special with each other. I think life has many many stops along the way and I don't think luke has found a final stop in his romantic journey with antonia - they are both very young and they don't have the vibe of "together forever" couples - if they did (since luke is such a big believer in love at first sight) - he'd have laid down a commitment a lot sooner.

again I want to emphasise that this is all MY POV - it's the vibe I get. I'm WELL AWARE I don't know these people irl. There's always criticism of how parasocial fandom and stan behaviour are but I think most fans - myself included - are very conscious of the fact that the way we perceive and interact with celebs is completely one sided. I'm also not a psychic or clairvoyant or anything of the sort. i just strangely feel a lot of things all the time and ive never been chill a day in my life 😂

sending you lots of good feelings and healing - I feel your hurt and unease and disappointment because I feel the same, but it gets easier to accept with each day that passes.

[simplyreveries]

uhmm hii so i’ve mever requested something before so just ignore this if you like! uhm i’ve been watching violet evergarden recently and had this thought for a while maybe Jade and Rook (separately) as a servant for a Princess reader?? like the reader is a bit bratty and gets irritated easily and stuff? but she’s actually very nice?? soo she’s in a arranged marriage with some dude?? (you can pick a character for that or it can remain anonymous if you want) and the reader is sad because it means she’ll have to get separated from Rook/Jade since technically they don’t belong to her and belong to the the royal palace instead so uhm rook and jade comforting reader and stuff because the reader actually likes them and doesn’t want to be separated from them? kinda like in that one episode. if you dont want to do this it’s fine! you can just ignore it.

oml ive heard of that anime, but the only one with royalty themes ive watched was "snow white with red hair".. zen stole my heart when i was 11 hehehe

jade leech

jade is someone that loves snark honestly, he finds your attitude so entertaining and amusing to him. he only believed that you were just all bark and no bite, anyways. he always had a feeling that you were hopelessly into him as he is to you (even if jades loves more.. intensely than others..!) jade never seemed discouraged and upset when you would act all irritable and annoyed with him, jade would only give you a pleasant smile and ask you what else you needed.

an arrangement for your marriage was something that he was prepared to have come at some point, it's sort of the inevitable- also considering that you never once had given any kind of suitors presented to you the time of day. he would chuckle at that behavior and only warn you that this would make matters harder for you.

your tears were definitely a sight to see as you don't share this part of you often, nevertheless he'll be ever so calm and collected when by your side, placing one of his gloved hand on the small of your back in a comforting manner.

rest assured about the situation; I feel like jade wouldn't feel worried about it and tell you that you really shouldn't either. not to worry a single bit. I mean, who's to say something couldn't happen to this prince you're betrothed to?

rook hunt

he... is devoted to you so much that any comment or mean remark towards him does not bother him one bit, you could say it goes in one ear and out the other. rook feels as if it's the greatest privilege to serve someone such as you, he lives to serve beauty after all. assisting and being with you throughout your day is simply a dream come true for rook. you can't blame him for falling hard, can you??

when he sees you crying it breaks his heart--! at first, he was a bit surprised with wide eyes since you're rarely ever so vulnerable around him like this, he quickly was kneeling at your side pleading to know what the matter was with you.

rook feels lie it's a story, the bittersweet ones he reads about; forbidden love, oh his heart hurts! he'll take your hands into his and try his best to give you the most comforting words. though inside he does feel a sense of strange joy-- only to hear from your mouth that you do reciprocate his feelings. like jade, rook is intense and he always claims he's completely and utterly loyal to you as your servant. he'll practically do anything to ensure you priority is first. it's just so perfect that its him.

[on-leatheredwings]

i've found your account only a few days ago but ever since then I've been STUCK here rereading your fanfics, especially ones with damian. i wasn't even a dc fan (heard about some stuf, watched some films and cartoons, but that's it) but now im reading comics since im Obsessed and need more batboys in my life (rip my productivity😔)

Anyway, after Sleepover i'm curious what will Bruce (and maybe even Thalia) think of batboys strange behaviour towards reader. He's smart, so he definitely notices it early on, but how he'll react....

I can see him being weirded out (like he was by Jason's anger issues, before his death), but he also can be an enabler, since Robin (literaly any of them) had a hard life, so if those relationships can help him why not pretend that everything is normal? you'll be safer in a Wayne's Manor anyway

All in all, thanks for a new hyperfixation 💞💞

P.s. About games:

1. Boyfriend to death 1&2 - since you're into yanderes you might want to check this game out. I prefer the second game, but the first is also fun. But beware the trigger warnings!!

2. Long live the Queen - more of a raising sim than dating sim but you still can romance some guys and girls.

,3. Hatoful Boyfriend - mostly a comedy, but there is a yandere.

4. The Royal Trap - it's been a long time since i played it, but it used to be one of my favorites so i'll just mention it.

5. Higurashi - once again not really a romance sim, but its an interesting horror mixed with a slice of life

;A; AWWWW THANK YOU IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE MY STUFF.... THAT MAKES ONE OF US GIJSDOFAFGHFOJDSD

and yes yes get into DC!!! (girl who hasnt even read a full run since like. injustice)

damn now you got me thinking and excited. incoming spiel

i agree entirely about bruce just knowing how Bad things can get, so to make things simpler, he's like "yes, your darling(s) can stay in the manor, boys. 🙄"

mmm yes..... when it comes to bruce noticing the batboys are yandere, i think it's always sinfully delightful to just have him be reluctantly okay with it. 😈 it's also easier narratively ngl but i also like the idea that the batfam is all just corrupted.

bruce's thoughts are that they (his sons) fight for vengeance and justice but this is where they could use some leeway.... we all need our vice... they fight so hard for gotham, they deserve a little treat (getting rid of your human rights)... it's very "Dad who wants his sons to have happiness even if its not healthy" of him. in fics where bruce is a yandere, well, he's the exact same way so he can't judge. although if that's the case, i like the idea of bruce just being like "yes what we do isn't right. let's not talk about it. just don't kill <3"

still wondering what i like more. a yan!bruce who's self aware what he's doing is wrong but he just refuses to think about it. or a yan!bruce that justifies it all because of his paranoia, Tower of Babel style (if you don't know, that's when it's revealed batman has plans to subdue/kill the justice league just in case they go rogue.)

for the batboys depends on their personality... for damian, he's so resolute in things that i prefer when he just believes 100% what he's doing is okay, if not actually righteous. ^_^

hmmm talia.... I'M STILL UNSURE HOW I PREFER THAT AS WELL... i think talia being a you-arent-good-enough-for-my-son mom is a little cliche but also. she kinda would say that. you'd have to prove your worth somehow but idk how tf darling would do that LOL. in the end, i think talia is just relieved/comforted that her son indeed feels desire and wants love and will continue the family legacy (regardless if youre afab/can biologically have children.)

no THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!! AND THANKS FOR RECS!!!! heheh yeah ive checked out btd and im not averse to the warnings its more like im not that most of into the designs ngl. fox guy seems cute? AND LMAO FUNNY BC IM ON A HIGURASHI REWATCH (never played it tho)

[builtbybrokenbells]

Gold Dust Woman | iv

Driven to the brink of insanity, y/n turns to her best friend for advice in her time of need. A Sunday brunch paired with day drinking leads to a world of new information she hopes will help her to better understand the new world she is caught up in.

Read part three here

Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader, sam kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 12.5k

Warnings: sexting, sort of phone sex I guess, dirty talk, name calling (ish?), pet names, touch of praise, teasing, drinking, swearing, gossip (is that a warning? idk anymore guys), mentions of cheating, but nothing super heavy for this chapter! sorry if i miss any!

in my hungover state I present you with this! I’ve been waiting to write this chapter literally since I’ve started this. it’s super important to the plot and I think clears up a lot of stuff!! plus it’s a good little summary of everything leading up to this chapter. also id just like to say a super sincere thank you for the love i have received on this series. it was a big step out of my comfort zone and i was really worried that it wouldn’t be enjoyed, but you guys are so kind and supportive. i <3 you all. as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻

The tiny diner was overcrowded for its size, but still as welcoming as ever. Cheer and comfortability radiated through the air from the minute you stepped inside, never failing to brighten spirits. The small booth in the very back corner was routinely reserved for you and Danny on your Sunday outings. Brunch, always, but it was normally followed by some sort of wholesome activity to fill the afternoon. Then again, it didn’t matter what you were doing; time spent with Danny was always wholesome, and quite fulfilling. His friendship was one of your most prized possessions, mostly because you never really experienced anything like it before him. The conversation was never dull, radiating a type of safety that made you feel like you could tell him anything. Jokes were always well timed, advice was free-flowing, and a gesture of comfort was routinely available if needed.

Sundays were your favourite day, because you got the opportunity to spend time with him. Sometimes, the other boys would join, but that was rare. Even if they opted not to, you were fine with that, because you knew that the booth in the very back would always be reserved for two. That day was no different; you picked Danny up from his apartment at the usual time, and you both showed each other new music discoveries from the prior week. After the high stress of the weekend, you were happy to return to some type of normalcy, even if your regret for your careless decisions were constantly looming over you. When you arrived at the diner, the familiarity of the scene wrapped you up in a warm hug.

When you settled in to the seat, you placed your purse beside you and your phone face down on the table. The morning had started in a strange way, still leaving you frazzled hours later. After yesterdays activities, you had woken up tangled in the bed sheets and wrapped around Jake Kiszka. You never thought you would find yourself in such a state, but the reality of it was all too overwhelming to ignore. Although it wasn’t a bad start to the day, you were still aching with residual stress from the entirety of the situation. When he woke, too, the feeling seemed to wash away. There was a few hours where things seemed perfectly right, instead of troublesome; laughing and kissing your way through the earliest hours of your day, cooking breakfast and sharing cups of coffee along with stolen glances and smiles. It was beautiful in its own twisted way, making you genuinely believe you could spend the rest of your life doing just that. Once he’d left you on your lonesome, the guilt creeped back in like a disease, eating away at every part of you and taking you for its own. It had yet to satiate, even with Danny in front of you and a promise of a good day.

“You look terrible.” He stated, taking a sip out of the coffee mug the waitress had quickly delivered. Your eyes snapped up to him, shocked at the blunt statement.

“Thanks?” You furrowed your eyebrows, a small laugh stuck in your throat.

“No, not like that.” He corrected, placing his menu on the table. There was no need for it; you both had tried the entirety of the menu the restaurant offered, settling on your favourites long ago. “You always look pretty. I mean, you look like you just saw a ghost.” He was right, you couldn’t deny it. The bags under your eyes were darker than ever, skin pale and eyes distant. You were a mess, definitely looking like yourself but a mostly just a shell of it. It didn’t take a detective to figure that out.

“Yeah,” you chuckled, unsure of how to respond to his statement. “Guess I just haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” He shot back, his gaze unwavering. You shifted under the stare, feeling like he had already picked up on your predicament. You hated that about him; he always seemed to know there was something on your mind, even if you exhausted every way to hide it. It was just a Danny thing, and you had picked up on that long ago. He cared too much, noticed too much. Secrets didn’t exist around him, and perhaps that was why you were so excited for this particular outing, subconsciously hoping you might be able to get at least something off your chest.

“I don’t know if there’s enough time in the day.” You grumbled, taking a long sip of water from your cup. “I wouldn’t want to make your ears bleed.”

“I’ll strike you a deal.” He offered, causing you to look up at him. “Bottomless mimosas on me, and a shoulder to cry on.” You eyed him, nervous to agree but comforted at the thought of speaking your mind. “What’s said at brunch stays at brunch. I’ll drive home.” His invitation was very tempting. As much as you felt like you should keep the turmoil to yourself, the idea of advice or even just to confess your mistakes was overwhelmingly alluring. After a moment, you decided you would have to say something, even just an elusive idea to get some kind of answer to your internal debate.

“Deal, but it stays between us.” You finally said, realizing that if you didn’t speak your troubles aloud, they would eat you alive. Besides, there was nobody in the world that you trusted more than Danny. You knew you could probably confess murder and he would only ask how to help. “But my lips are sealed until those mimosa’s get here.” You smiled.

When the waitress came to check in and take orders, you both settled on a meal and Danny was sure not to forget your drinks. As you waited for her return, you struggled to arrange the thoughts in your brain. You had no idea how to explain the situation to him, or even where to begin. You were scared he would think differently of you, even though deep down, you knew he wouldn’t. The whole thing was sick and twisted, and you were so on edge that you thought you might combust. The last thing you wanted was to lose your friendship with Danny because of your inability to understand your own feelings. When the champagne flute was finally in front of you, your stomach churned with unease. You looked up to meet his eyes, but found he was already waiting in anticipation.

“So, what’s going on?” Before answering, you grabbed the glass and made quick work at finishing the liquid in one go. You figured you’d need the courage to tell this story.

“Remember that lesson we were talking about?” You asked, checking the flute to make sure you didn’t miss any alcohol before setting it back down.

“Vaguely,” he smirked “but I don’t think you ever told me exactly what it was.”

“Yeah, because I still have no idea what the fuck it is.” You let out a nervous chuckle. “I made a really big mess of things, and I have no idea how to fix it.”

“Okay, don’t panic. We can work through it together.” Your heart warmed at his words, feeling a little better just at the thought of his input. Even if he were to tell you that you were an idiot, you knew you deserved it. There had never been a time where advice from Danny hadn’t helped, even if it was only for a moment. And, although you hated to admit it, he was almost always right. “What kind of mess?”

“A big one.” You said, unable to find a better way to describe it. “I guess I probably have to go way back to the start for anything to make sense.” You sighed, placing your head in your hands. Your plan for keeping your feelings quiet had crumbled long ago; if you were going to tell him anything, you would have to explain it all. “The lesson was Sam. I’ve been in love with him for months.”

“Mhm,” Danny nodded, pausing his response as the waitress walked over to replace your drink. Once she was out of earshot, he spoke. “I had an idea.”

“Was it that obvious?” He quickly averted his eyes, not wanting you to see his face as he reacted to your question. You could tell he was trying not to laugh, finding your inquiry quite funny. “Oh, god.” You groaned.

“No, not exactly obvious.” He lied. You let out a groan, embarrassed that everybody seemed to know about your crush. “I don’t think he did, though. He’s pretty oblivious.” He comforted you, the second part of his statement much more genuine. “Why is that such a big deal?” You audibly laughed at his comment, realizing that he had no idea the extent of the problem.

“He never gave me any idea he liked me back. Flirted with girls at my house, acted like I was just another one of the guys. I never really felt like I meant anything more to him.” You explained. “And I was too much of a coward to say anything. Thought it was better if I kept everything a secret. I didn’t want to risk losing you guys as friends. I like you all too much.”

“We like you too, y/n.” He smiled, finding your worry silly. He knew that whatever happened, he still wanted to be your friend. You were his solace away from the chaos of his band mates, and to him, it was the best thing in the whole world. You gave him a soft smile, taking a moment to sip at your drink again. “No matter what, you’re always going to be my Sunday brunch date.” He assured you. You let out a long breath, now preparing to get into the deepest part of the conversation.

“So that night, after you and I talked, I figured that I had to snap out of it. I spent every weekend watching him, hoping he would make a move, or even give me some sort of hint that he acknowledged I existed in any way other than a friend. I was tired of waiting. I wanted to have fun, so I asked you to play beer pong.” He hummed an agreement, letting you know he was following. “And I partnered with Jake.” And what a grave mistake, that was. “I was drunk, and at first it was friendly, no different than usual. Then he started looking and talking to me different. It wasn’t bad, obviously, but he was very clearly flirting.” You paused, noticing the small smile he was fighting back. You tried to ignore it, not liking the way he was looking at you. “I was really drunk, and it felt really nice to be noticed. I shouldn’t have entertained it, but I did. I played along with him, thinking it was harmless. The game ended, we went out separate ways, and I figured that was the end of it. It should have been the end of it.”

“It wasn’t, though, was it?” You shook your head at his words. The conversation was stopped by plates of food in front of you and another replacement for your empty mimosa. You took a break from the grievous topic to have a bite to eat before continuing. After a few moments, you answered.

“Nope,” you sighed, popping the p to accentuate the impact. “We talked for a little while longer, then I went to the bathroom. Heard someone playing my guitar in my room, so of course I had to check.” You cursed yourself for not knowing better. “There he was, playing so well that it draws you in without a second thought, looking as pretty as ever.” He got a laugh out of your statement, never hearing two compliments sound so much like insults. “I joined him and we talked for a while, completely normal stuff.”

“You guys hooked up?”

“Ah!” You snapped, pressing your finger to your lips, silently telling him to keep his voice down. He let out a hearty laugh at your dramatics, knowing that nobody in the vicinity gave a single care about what you were talking about.

“So that’s a yes?”

“Yeah, sort of, I guess!” You said, exasperated at the thought of recalling that moment aloud, especially to someone so close with Jake. You took another long drink, hoping the alcohol would calm your nerves. “I went to bed, and I didn’t know what to think. Part of me was thrilled, but a bigger one never wanted to do it again. I felt so guilty, almost like I cheated on Sam even though he had no idea I liked him. How stupid is that?”

“It’s not stupid, y/n. I think it’s pretty normal, actually.” He shrugged. “We live in our own head, and when we like someone so much, especially for a long time, it kind of starts to feel real. I think you feeling guilty is actually more normal than not caring. Means you really do like him, and it’s not just a surface level thing.” The confirmation was nice, but also made you feel even worse. You felt as though you shouldn’t be allowed to have feelings for Sam anymore, especially after how you spent your morning. “I take it that’s not the end?” He chuckled, picking up on your sullen expression.

“No,” you groaned, burying your head in your hands again. “I wish it was, but no.” He reached over, looping his fingers around your wrist and gently pulling your hand away from your face. You glanced up at him through your eyelashes, noticing his smile.

“It’s okay. What’s said at brunch stays at brunch.” He promised. You gave a slight nod, letting your hand fall into his. He rested them on the table, giving yours a reassuring squeeze.

“When I woke up and only saw you three in the living room, I kind of thought he regretted it, too. Figured he sobered up and… yeah.” You laughed, not feeling a need to get into your insecurities. “I was nervous, still feeling pretty guilty, but we were all hungover so I just blamed it on that. Things felt normal for a minute, when we were all just sitting and falling asleep. Then he came back. From the minute I saw him, I knew he didn’t regret any of it. He gave me my coffee. My coffee, exactly how I order it. He remembered, and I don’t even think I’ve ever told him.” You mumbled, feeling a blush rise at the memory. “We ended up going to the basement, and nothing happened, really. We kissed and talked, and we kind of agreed he would stay after everyone left.”

“That doesn’t sound bad.” He reassured you. You narrowed your stare, causing him to back down instantly.

“Aside from the feelings thing, no.” You admitted, feeling bad for giving him such a harsh look. “While we were playing songs, everything felt fine. It was fun, I wasn’t nervous or worried about anything, and I thought that maybe things would be fine. I know Jake isn’t the bad guy; he’s not someone I wouldn’t want to fall in love with. I think I’d like it, actually, if the situation were that simple. He’s always been kind to me, he’s funny, he remembers things about me that nobody bothers to. He cares about the little things. He pays attention.”

“And Sam doesn’t.” He affirmed. You nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly.

“He never has. I feel like I wasted months loving someone who didn’t give a shit whether I was around or not.” Danny looked like he wanted to protest, but bit his tongue instead. It was your time to vent, and he wanted you to say what you needed without interruption. “I went to the kitchen to get more coffee, more comfortable with everything. I thought maybe if Jake and I spent enough time together, the feelings for Sam would just be… obsolete. I’m sure it would have worked, too. But, he just had to follow me.”

“Sam?” You nodded, giving him a bit of clarity. You were so worked up that you were rushing yourself through the story.

“Yeah, we just chatted for a minute, both drank our coffee like normal friends. Then he tried to hold my hand! And then tried to hint around that he liked me, too!”

“He did not,” Danny sat back in the booth, letting his head slump against the seat, internally cringing at his best friends terrible timing.

“Sure did! The whole confession was pretty funny, actually. Not to me, but definitely to someone! It was like god was sitting up in the sky laughing at me while it happened.”

“He’s so stupid.” Danny groaned, clearly exasperated himself. Danny was so unapologetic about his secret love of girl talk, and it made you incredibly happy. He really was your best friend in every sense of the word.

“Yeah, and I was a little pissed off! It made me feel like I was only worth loving when he was afraid he couldn’t have me. We argued for a few minutes, and he basically pried the confession about Jake out of me so he could use it for his own personal agenda! Then, he got this grand idea that he’d make it into a competition between him and and his brother to see who can win me over.” Danny gave a wince at the thought, already aware of Sam’s thought process before you even said it aloud. “I told him it was a bad idea, and I meant it. It is a terrible idea.” You clarified before telling him any more. After a few moments of silence, his eyes were urging you to continue. “We kissed.” You sighed. He let out another laugh, like what you had said was a joke rather than something you deeply regretted. His hand squeezed yours once more, another gesture of comfort. “What’s so funny?”

“No, no. You tell your story, I’ll talk later.” He assured you. With an air of discomfort, you accepted the deal, deciding to purge yourself of the last bit of the story so you could get it over with.

“It was fantastic. Something I’d been waiting forever to do. It almost felt wrong because it felt so right. So I planned on ending things with Jake. It was the right thing to do; I know if Sam had kissed me even a day sooner, there would have been no problem or conflict. I would have been over the moon.” Danny gave a hum, understanding what you meant, but not certain he agreed with it. Still, he held his thoughts back until you were finished. “You guys came in, and Sam left. Jake was still in the living room, because I told him to stay after everybody went home. I went in to talk to him, fully prepared to end things, but when I saw him, it was like it disappeared. He’s just so… captivating. Like, when I’m around him, he’s the only thing that exists.”

“Yeah, he does have a pretty big personality. Hard to ignore. He’s quiet, but I think that’s part of the charm.”

“Yep, because everything that comes out of his mouth is perfectly thought out.” You snipped, angry at the thought of his perfection. “He started talking, and he knew Sam and I had done something in the kitchen. I didn’t even have to say anything to him. There was a lot of back and fourth, kind of unimportant. I don’t even think I could explain it, anyway. But, he basically said that they both had feelings for me and they decided that they should both have a fair shot at winning me over. Isn’t that fucked up? That they decided that on their own, and didn’t tell me?”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“That’s what I thought! Anyway, whatever. Doesn’t matter now, I guess. He said some cryptic shit and I told him to leave, but it was mostly just because I was pissed off. I don’t think I really wanted him to go. Like I said, it doesn’t matter, because he stayed the night, last night. He left before I came to pick you up.” You sat back in your seat, defeated still, even after talking through the whole thing. The words being spoken into the universe only seemed to make you feel worse about the predicament. The only hope you had left was that Danny would have some sort of miracle advice to help you out, but you didn’t want to keep your hopes too high. “I think Jake’s been feeling the same way about me as I feel about Sam.”

“Okay.” Danny said, showing you that he was sufficiently aware of your predicament. “My turn?”

“Please.” You urged, finishing the last of your drink. You barely had the glass back on the table before the waitress was there to replace it. You were starting to feel the buzz of the liquor, realizing that you were genuinely getting day-drunk just to forget about your own mistakes. You were at an all time low, you decided. Your usual attitude towards relationships had continually assured you protected yourself, never letting anyone get to close, and never falling for anybody too hard. It was lonely, but loneliness was much preferred to how you were feeling in that moment. Now, in addition to a broken heart and a guilty conscience, you were scared you were going to lose the only true friends you ever had.

“I’ve known Jake and Sam for a long time. It’s a blessing and a curse. I love them to death, they’re family. Fun to be around, great friends, all that mushy shit. But, after so many years, you pick up on the bad stuff, too.” You were intrigued, now. As the fourth glass of the heartache remedy slid down your throat, you felt yourself leaning in closer to the table, not expecting a response like such. You thought Danny would call you on your bullshit, tell you that you were an idiot. You prepared yourself for that, still, because the conversation wasn’t over. It was still a possibility, but you certainly didn’t think his advice would lead in with the Kiszka’s baggage.

“You mean to tell me they’re not perfect? That god didn’t hand craft them and put them on earth just to make the rest of us feel bad?” He had another hearty laugh, finding your tipsy smile hilarious. Your ability to joke even through your turmoil was heartwarming.

“Seems that way sometimes, but no. At least I don’t think so.” He reassured you. “Jake and Sam are a lot more alike than everyone thinks, and not just physically. Sometimes, they’re more alike than Jake and Josh, which is incredibly hard to do. I mean, they’re brothers, so it’s expected, I guess. I didn’t notice it when we were in high school, but Jake wasn’t around as often. Once we all graduated, we started making music and spending a lot of time together. I think that’s when I realized how similar they were.”

“Mhm,” you agreed, wholeheartedly believing him. The two were strikingly similar in lots of ways, despite a few blatant things that offset their shared traits. You could even tell through their touch, or the small interactions that left you guessing if they previously conspired what they were going to say to you, or if it was just their Kiszka nature.

“Their taste in girls has always been one of those things. Over the years, girlfriends or flings caught interest in the other brother, or vice versa, and it was always a bit messy. It seemed like if you fell for one of them, you’d eventually fall for both of them. Or if one of them fell for you, the other would, too. It’s really fucked up, actually.” He gave a little chuckle, trying his best to explain the observation. “They caught on to it pretty soon, and fought over it once or twice, but it never seemed to cause an issue between them. They’d be mad for a few days, then they would move on like it never happened. I don’t know if they accepted it, or if they just didn’t care. Personally, I couldn’t do what they do. It would drive me crazy.” He added, clearly letting on that whatever he was leading in to was common, very deeply rooted and still pressing. You could see in his eyes that the idea was unsettling to him. “For a year or so, whichever way it went, the other just admitted defeat and moved on.”

“Oh, wow.” You breathed, trying to wrap your head around his words. It felt like you were learning deep lore about them that you weren’t supposed to know.

“I wouldn’t be telling you all this if I felt like I shouldn’t be, but it seems like they’re back to their old ways. Trust me when I say it’s much harder on you than it is on them.” You nodded, agreeing with the statement. The whole twisted relationship had given you nothing but turmoil since it had begun, and you were desperate for insight on how to fix it. To them, it just seemed like another day’s work. “Our first real tour, Sam fell super hard for a girl we met at a bar one night. Like, I mean head over heels, stars in his eyes, the whole nine yards. He got her number, and they were in love before we even left the bar. They ended up getting together, and things were really great between them. She even came along with us for a few weeks. They were happy for a while, but then Sam let tour life get to him, I think. He fucked up, hooked up with a random girl and threw the whole thing in the garbage. It was absolutely his fault, and I’ll never defend him over it, but he was young and had no idea how to handle the fame, even if we weren’t that big back then. He seemed to cling to every bit of attention he got. I know he regretted it as soon as he realized what he did, but obviously it was too late. I don’t blame her for leaving.” He shrugged. You were watching intently, immersed in every word.

“Now, I don’t know for certain what happened. Nobody talks about it anymore, and we never really did back then, either. It’s in the past, and everybody wants to keep it that way. But, that girl ended up in Jake’s bed after the big blowout. I don’t know if she initiated it, or he instigated, but it didn’t really matter, anyway. Sam found out and went insane, and he wasn’t interested in knowing who started it. They fought, like really fought, fists and all. We thought that would be the end of the band; they didn’t speak to each other for weeks. Rehearsals and concerts were constantly tense. The girl wasn’t even in the picture, anymore, Sam just felt betrayed and Jake didn’t want to admit he was in the wrong. Before, I don’t think he was ever really in love with anybody, so it didn’t matter as much. But that time, Sam reached his breaking point.”

“Holy shit,” you didn’t care about anything else happening around you. The story was captivating; both boys were very closed off, never giving too much away about themselves. They’d always answer questions if asked, but you never really heard much about the past, especially relationships. You were realizing why, now. “Poor Sam.”

“I guess.” Danny shrugged. “In that situation, yeah, but he’s not innocent. After they made up, he never let it go. He wanted to get back at him, and he did. Ever since then, Jake never had a chance to have a relationship. The minute he showed interest in someone, Sam was already trying to win her over. At first, I think it was just a coincidence. They’re similar, they like the same type of girls, obviously that can cause some issues. After that, it was different. Clearly intentional and meant to be hurtful. I stopped feeling sorry for them a long time ago. They know what they’re doing, and neither of them want to be the bigger person and apologize. Over the years, it’s just grown into a big mess.”

“So that’s why they’re doing this?”

“Yeah.” He felt no need to lie. “They’ve always been competitive. It’s a brother thing. Sam more than Jake, really. I think it’s because he’s younger, maybe feels inadequate sometimes. But to be competitive over girls with real feelings… I don’t like it. After so long, they learned to take the loss and move on. Better luck next time, to them. They mope around for a few days and then they’re back to best friends like nothing ever happened. The girls always end up getting hurt in the end, and that’s the fucked up part. They can hurt their own feelings as much as they want, but I don’t think it’s right to do it to anyone else.”

“That’s why Jake knew what happened in the kitchen. And Sam was so certain he was going to win me over. They’re masters at the game.” The whole wicked, devil-like persona’s were making more sense, now. Every move was thought out, meticulously planned and executed with grace. They’ve been playing this game far longer than you’d even been a part of it, and you were curious if they even had real feelings at all, or if it was just a part of the spiteful process.

“Masters, I’m not sure about. Cocky and annoying, absolutely. I don’t care what they have against each other. They have to settle that between themselves, not bring anyone else into it. All of us consider you a friend. A best friend. What they’re doing hurts everyone, but clearly it’s been hurting you the most.” You finished your drink, looking around for the waitress to get another refill. You were in information overload, more questions and worries filling your head with every second that passed. He picked up on the nervous energy, giving your hand another small squeeze to bring you back to reality.

“Do you think they even care about me, or is it just to piss each other off?” His eyes widened, realizing how easily you could have interpreted that from his story.

“No, y/n, not like that. I can’t speak for certainty on everything, but I am pretty sure Jake’s head over heels for you. He always perks up when we talk about you, and he’s the first one ready when we’re going to your place. Most of the time, he’s begging us to hurry up. I can see it in his eyes. We all see it, and I think that’s why I got so excited when I saw you guys flirting on Friday. Hoped that he’d finally get the courage to make a move.”

“Okay,” you whispered, scared to ask anything about the other boy, unsure if you even wanted to know the answer.

“Sam likes you, too. He told me himself, and not just yesterday, either. I’m not picking a side, or trying to get you to choose. Just telling you what I think you need to know so you can stop beating yourself up.” He explained. “I don’t know why Sam didn’t speak up, sooner. I told him you liked him, gave him encouragement, but he never said anything. He acted like he was oblivious, but he knew. Everyone knows you have feelings for Sam. I love you, but it was obvious.” Your cheeks turned rosy, embarrassed at your own inability to hide your emotions. “I think they both really like you, and they were scared of the same thing. They didn’t want the other to steal you away, but they fell into routine again and they’re doing exactly what they wanted to avoid. When Sam saw you with Jake, It probably lit a old fire in him, which is why it all happened so fast.” As much as you wanted the knowledge to give you reassurance, it only made the dread grow even larger.

“I don’t know what to do, Danny.” You sighed, closing your eyes to ward off the stress headache. You retracted your hand from his, missing the comfort of the hold almost immediately. You brought your fingers to your temples and gently massaged the area, satiating the ache slightly. “I never should have started anything with Jake. I had feelings for Sam. It was selfish, and I know that.”

“I think you had feelings for him, too. Maybe you just didn’t realize it.” He offered. “It’s not like you to start something like that without any reason. Plus, like I said, if you like one of them… history tends to repeat itself.” He said, keeping the truth light.

“If I didn’t, I sure do now.” You let out a humourless laugh, pushing the food around on your plate with your fork. “I feel like I maybe put Sam on a pedestal because I had such a big crush on him. I always thought I was in love with him, but I was never with him. I didn’t know anything beyond the surface, never experienced anything more than friendship. Not even an idea. Now, I’ve been with Jake. I know him, and I feel like maybe what I felt for Sam was just infatuation.”

“Could have been.” He shrugged, unable to answer that one for you.

“But when I’m around him, both of them, actually, they have this pull, like the earth is forcing me into their arms. It’s impossible to think clearly with them around, and I think maybe I just have to take a step back to figure it out.”

“Good luck with that.” He joked, eyes drifting to your phone on the table. “Your phone’s been going off all day, and I’m pretty sure I have an idea who it is.” You couldn’t deny anything, mostly because you knew he was right. Intermittently, another vibration would sound, and you knew if you picked it up, it would be one of the brothers you were trying so hard to ignore. “I don’t care if you ignore them, as long as I still get to see you. Wouldn’t give up our brunch dates for the world.” He sent a playful wink your way.

“Let’s just run away, get married and have mimosa’s for the rest of our lives on a cute little porch while we watch the sunset.” You grinned. “Don’t have to worry about anything ever again.”

“Don’t tempt me,” he smirked. “If I get involved in this, I’m definitely winning.” You both shared a fit of giggles, happy to ease the tension with light jokes. “But seriously, if that’s what you want to do, do it. I know how hard on the head they can be normally, so I can’t imagine what it’s like being in your position.” He sympathized. “It’s not fair to you. I think maybe that’s why Jake tried to be so secretive about it, he wanted to make the move and start something before Sam could get involved. But, it’s like some weird brother thing; they can always tell.”

“I don’t know what to do. I feel like I ignored too many lessons, and the universe is super mad at me right now.” You sighed, your attention grabbed by the waitress dropping another drink off. You mumbled a small thank you before she disappeared again. “I like them both, but I don’t want to hurt either of them. I don’t want to get hurt. The whole thing is fucked up.”

“May I offer my opinion?” He asked, mischief laced in his tone. You gave a nod, figuring that anything would help at this point. “I don’t think you’re going to hurt them nearly as bad as you think.” He assured you. “Yeah, obviously, however this goes, someone is bound to be disappointed, but they’ve been playing this game for years. If you like both of them, play the game with them.”

“Encourage it?” You were in disbelief that he would even suggest it.

“Yep.” He confirmed, no hesitation in his voice. “Listen, they started this whole thing. They think it’s okay to play with your feelings, so play with theirs, instead. Maybe teach them a lesson.” He explained. “Don’t let them run things. You’re in control here, even if you don’t think you are. Have fun with them, and hopefully they’ll see what they’re doing is wrong.”

“You’re evil, Daniel.” You contemplated the idea while finishing your final mimosa, feeling positively tipsy.

“No, just think it’s time they got some karma. They have to learn eventually, they can’t do this for the rest of their lives.” He said, throwing his cutlery and napkins on his plate. “As long as you think you can do it without hurting your own feelings.”

“I’m so pissed off at them that I don’t even care about that.” You chuckled, but it wasn’t funny. The statement was completely truthful.

“So teach them, and then we can eat our brunch in peace. When you do, hopefully they’ll never do it again.” You weren’t expecting Danny to side with you in the matter, but you especially weren’t expecting for him to cheer you on. As you listened to his story of the years he spent dealing with them, you understood why he was telling you to do it. Knowing Danny, you could only assume that there had been many instances where he had to do damage control because of Jake and Sam’s childish behaviour, and he was sick of it. Plus, he seemed quite annoyed with the amount of broken hearts that have ensued because of the brothers tyranny.

Part of you thought it was crazy, that there was no way you could do that to the boys. The other, angrier part of you thought it was a great idea. After only two days of turmoil caused by their behaviour, you were in shambles. Now, knowing that they were completely aware of their own actions, you had no issue handing it right back to them. “Okay.” You agreed. The liquor definitely had an impact on your decision making, but not enough for you to worry about it.

“There. Problem solved.” He smiled. “Maybe that lesson you were dreading wasn’t really your lesson after all.”

You both left the diner with a little more pep in your step than before. Your fears were settled, but not fully resolved. Still, the sense of doom that was looming over you seemed to ease up, and you accredited it solely to Danny. Without his words, you would still be drowning in your own misery. You spotted your car, making a move to get in the drivers seat. As you reached for the handle, you paused yourself, realizing that you were in no state to drive. You reached into your purse, fishing out your keys, and turned to see Danny already holding his hand out for them.

“All yours,” you said, dropping them in his palm. “Forgot.” You let out a giggle.

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes, sending a playful smile your way. You walked to the other side of the vehicle, getting in to the passenger side. Once you had your seatbelt buckled, he began the journey home. You connected your phone to the speaker, clumsily tapping the screen to unlock it. You hit shuffle on your playlist, not having the mind to scroll through and pick a song.

You turned your head towards the window, letting your eyes take in the sights as you passed by. Your mind was spinning with thoughts, but none stuck out as they passed through. Most were a jumble of topics from the previous day’s events, no coherent nature to them. You wanted to check your missed messages, just to see what they’d been saying, but you couldn’t find the strength to do so. You were angry, still, upset that they had no issue involving you in their mess and seemed to have no remorse over it. Even so, the urge to talk to them, to be with them, touched by them, was growing more urgent by the second.

Danny was right; it would be impossible to ignore them. That left you with two choices; play along, or let them play with you and get hurt in the process. You still weren’t certain that the first option would keep your feelings safe, but it was worth a try. Even if it didn’t, hopefully it would ensure neither would pull a stunt like such ever again. “I think I drank too much.” You stated, another giggle laced in your words. He glanced over at you from the drivers seat, giving you a grin.

“Guess that was my fault.” He chuckled.

“No,” you shook your head, smiling softly. “You helped, a lot.”

“I’m glad.” He replied, turning down the street your home was nestled on. “I’m always available for free therapy and alcohol.”

“I always appreciate it. I appreciate you.” You said, watching your driveway creep into sight.

“I appreciate you, bug.” He shot back without missing a beat. The pet name made your heart warm with affection. He really was your best friend, always your biggest comfort and favourite person. Nobody else compared to him, and you hoped that no matter how the situation played out, you’d still have him by your side. A small, selfish part of you wondered why you couldn’t just fall for him; he was funny, sweet, and genuine. Any time spent with him was worth more than the world, and he was beautiful, too. For some reason, it was written in the stars that he was to be your best friend, but that was more than okay. A life with Danny as your best friend was a certain promise of a good one. As much as it sucked dancing with the devil, or the Kiszka brothers, rather, it was meant to be. Even while you wished it away, hoped you could fall out of their grasp and into someone else’s, there was a part of you that loved being loved by them.

He parked your car in its usual spot, getting out to open your door for you. He walked you to the house, stepping inside and closing the door behind you. You both went to the living room, collapsing on the couch with exhaustion, as if you’d just ran a marathon. “You’re stuck here.” You laughed, finally realizing that he didn’t have his own car with him.

“I’ll call a cab, don’t worry.” He assured you, grabbing his phone to do just that. As he found himself busy telling the company the address, you reached over to the chair beside the couch, grabbing the acoustic guitar Jake had been playing earlier that morning. As he hung up the call, you plucked at the strings mindlessly, eventually switching to a chord progression that you had grown to know very well. “Dinner and a show?” He teased, still in awe that you had hidden your talent for so long.

“You know, it would be a lot of fun to come with you guys.” You thought aloud, dismissing his joke.

“You should.” He affirmed your idea. “Even if you just came for a part of the tour.” You let out a low hum, letting him know you heard him without having to respond. Instead of pushing you further, he leaned back into the couch and watched you as you played. Once you were certain he wasn’t going to speak again, you began to sing along to the music, to the song you loved so much. Jake had pegged it as your nickname, and at first it was endearing, but the more you listened to it, the more the words resonated with the ache settled deep in your chest.

“Rock on, Gold Dust Woman

Take your silver spoon, dig your grave” you looked to the fretboard, feeling the need to focus harder because of the alcohol swarming in your system.

“Heartless challenge, pick your path and I’ll pray

Wake up in the morning, see your sunrise loves to go down

Lousy lovers pick their prey but they never cry out loud.“

You sang the rest of the song, breathless by the time you were finished. Danny had a smile stuck on his lips, understanding that sooner or later you would agree to their offer. He could tell how badly you wanted to say yes, but your anxiety was holding you back. You were thinking of the offer, too, but something more pressing came to kind in light of the song choice. Or the mimosas. Or both, maybe. You weren’t sure. Either way, Jake Kiszka had inevitably made his appearance in your thoughts once more, but it wasn’t like he had left in the first place. His presence was always existing within your brain somewhere, even if it wasn’t at the forefront.

It was horrid, never being able to escape him, but it was phenomenal all at the same time. In the last twenty-for hours, he helped you feel more alive than you ever had before. His touch was still lingering in your skin, electrifying every nerve. The memory was fantastic, but nothing compared to the real thing. He was addicting; his company was no longer a want, but necessary for survival. You wondered if you would ever be able to live without it, quickly realizing that you never wanted to find out. Before, the thought of not having Jake around was terrifying, but after having him so intimately, the idea was debilitating, stealing the air from your lungs and crushing you under its weight.

“I could listen to you sing all day, but I gotta run.” Danny broke you from your thoughts. “Plans for tonight, can’t get out of them.”

“Cheating on me, Daniel?” You let out a tsk, showing your displeasure. He let out a laugh, shaking his head.

“Could never do that to you, darling.” He said, as dramatically as possible. You put the guitar to the side, standing up with him so you could give him a proper goodbye. You pulled him into a hug a bit tighter than usual, catching him off guard. It only took him a second to return the gesture, wrapping you in an aura of comfort.

“Thank you for everything. I feel a lot better.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” He assured you. “I love you, and I’ll talk to you soon?” You nodded, head still pressed to his chest.

“I love you.” You said, parting ways with him. “And yeah, I’ll update you.” You smiled, your secret plan solidified by your words.

“Give them hell.” He said, a tone of pleading hidden in the joke. With a wave, he disappeared around the corner and the front door sounded a moment later. The second the door shut, the emptiness of the home already started to seep in.

You gathered your thoughts, shaking away the haunting feeling of seclusion, and made your way to your bedroom. Once inside, you switched the power on to your record player, resuming whichever vinyl you had left from this morning. You let your eyes flutter closed at the hum of the song cutting through the silence. Another vibration from your phone caught your attention, suddenly remembering the messages you had intended to ignore. Now, with Danny’s words sounding in your mind, and your first chance at alone-time, you channeled a new courage to reply. Your fingers pulled the phone from your pocket, eyes immediately drifting over the screen. There were a few texts from your own band mates, and when they could come over to practice. You made a mental note to respond to them later. You moved on, seeing Sam’s name adorned on a missed call. You opted to focus on him later, your eyes seeking the contact you wanted to deal with first.

The notification bar from Jake had three messages. When you tapped them, you expected to be met with filthy words to fuel your desire to get back at him. Instead, the first was a small message of thanks for letting him stay the night prior, confessing his enjoyment. It was simple, not detailed, but enough to make your heart beat a little faster and a blush to make its way onto your cheeks. The second message was a well wish for your lunch date with Danny, saying he hoped you had a good time. The third was much different, more on par with what you had expected from him.

Jacob

Let me know when you want to share some more secrets, Gold Dust Woman

You felt a surge of emotion rush to your stomach, the words so simple, but the feeling so large. It was so easy to give in to him; he barely had to look your way and you were jumping at the chance to be noticed by him. It was crazy how fast the dynamic changed, how quickly he became so important to you. Without a second thought, you were already typing a response.

You

What kind of secrets would you like me to share, Jacob?

You hit send, not expecting a response considering you had waited so long to reply. Before you could even shut the screen off, the text bubble appeared on the screen, signifying his presence in the chat. A smirk pulled at the corner of your lips, happy to see that he was on your hook just as much as you were on his.

Jacob

I can think of a few

You

I’m sure you can. Care to elaborate?

His response was almost immediate, as if he’d pre-typed the words in anticipation of your question.

Jacob

Still wearing that red thong from earlier, or was that just to show off?

You enacted a plan as soon as the text was delivered and you processed what it said. You threw your phone on your bed, quickly shimmying out of your clothes and discarding them on the floor. The alcohol was still buzzing through your veins, your decisions heavily reliant on the false confidence the champagne bestowed upon you. You retrieved your phone, making a move to stand before the mirror on the opposite side of your room. You pulled up your camera, taking a few pictures from different angles, clearly showcasing the red fabric he was so curious about. The pictures that included the matching bra was just out of generosity.

You sifted through the pictures in your camera roll, picking the ones you thought were the best. You swiped back into his chat, reading his message over again. Instead of saying anything else, you sent the few photos you deemed acceptable. You went to the kitchen, unable to find a care to put your clothes back on, and turned your phone screen off. You scoured the fridge, finding a bottle of wine unopened and patiently awaiting your arrival. As you poured yourself a glass, you listened to the repetitive vibrations of incoming text messages. You looked to the clock on the wall, noting the time. Then, you took a seat in a chair and enjoyed the beverage you had fixed for yourself.

After a few moments, the texts ceased, leaving you to sit in silence and ponder your actions. You sipped away at the bitter liquid, refusing to give in to the temptation of answering him. When your glass was half empty, the vibrations resumed. This time, it was an incoming call. The ticking of the clock caught your attention, realizing you’d left him on edge for about fifteen minutes. You figured if you let it go much longer, he would show up at your front door. The thought itself wasn’t terrible, and you certainly wouldn’t mind the company, but you decided you wouldn’t push him that far. His incoming call ended, but it wasn’t long before another one sounded. With a smile on your lips, you picked up your phone and accepted his attempt to reach you.

“Hi,” you said, cheerily, as if you had no idea he had been blowing up your phone. “What’s up?”

“Ignoring me, sweetheart?” His voice was low, no angry tone or hint of annoyance. The soft inquiry sent a rush of arousal through you, just knowing that you had bothered him so badly was enough to send you spiralling.

“Why would I do that?” You asked, tipsiness laced in your voice. He picked up on it almost immediately, thinking your new-found confidence was a result of the alcohol. In truth, he wasn’t completely wrong. Although you and Danny had devised the plan, the execution was heavily reliant on intoxication. For some reason, sobriety did not help your case with either brother. Their charm and wit held you in a chokehold, any time you had the courage to retaliate, they made another move to make you submit. Despite your lack of control, it was still quite enjoyable. Now that tables had turned, that he was the one sitting and thinking about you and slowly driving himself to insanity, you had to admit that it was enjoyable, too. Maybe even more so, if you had to choose.

“Don’t be a tease, angel.” He hummed, the sound of his voice through the phone sending a shiver through you. You thought you might give in, throw the act away and beg for him to come over, but you bit your tongue and powered through.

“I thought that’s what you wanted to see, baby.” You played innocent, taking another sip of wine to keep the spirits high. Your head was buzzing, swimming with many thoughts. Most were filthy, focused mainly on how badly you wished he was in front of you, rather than on the phone. It was ridiculous how fast he consumed your entire being. Thoughts of his hands, his tongue, and how good they felt when they were on you. You missed him, even if you opted not to say it aloud. It had only been a few hours, but it was much too long for your liking. “Was that what you wanted, Jacob?”

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, bothered by your use of the pet name, bothered by the sultry tone you were speaking in. A smirk formed on the corner of your lips, cocky enough to know that you had power over him, too. “Yeah, it was, baby.” He conceded, unwilling to argue the point. “You still didn’t answer my question.” He stated, not willing to let you off the hook so easily.

“What was your question?” You asked, one last attempt to get under his skin. He let in a long breath, trying his best to stay calm while you made it a point to piss him off.

“Why were you ignoring me, angel?” He was heavy on the terms of endearment, leaving you unsure if it was because they were genuine, or if he was using them to coerce an answer from you.

“Wanted to piss you off.” You admitted, feeling no need to lie to him. “Did it work?”

“Mhm,” he mumbled his response wordlessly. Even without an explicit affirmation, you could tell it did just by his tone change. He had expected the answer, but it didn’t seem to make him feel any better. “Didn’t know you were such a brat.” He noted.

“Maybe you just bring out the worst in me.” You snipped back almost immediately. He let out a chuckle, but it wasn’t because he thought your words were humorous. It radiated a tone of shock, as if he was trying to tell you that you had no idea what you were getting yourself into.

“Careful, sweetheart.” He warned. “Don’t make me come over there and fuck that attitude out of you.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You teased. He could hear the smile on your lips through your words, making it difficult for him to keep up with the act. He found your joy infectious, and the teasing fun, in a greater sense than just sexual. He enjoyed all conversations shared with you, even if there was no sexual gratification. He just loved being around you.

“I would, but I don’t think you would.” He said, simple enough to get the point across, but powerful enough to worsen the growing ache between your legs.

“Maybe you’re the sadist.” You theorized, throwing his own idea back in his face. If only he knew how badly you lived to please him, his previous accusations of sadism would be laughable.

“You’ll have to wait and see. I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.” His voice was soothing, even if the topic was filthy. You could listen to him speak all night and never get bored. He was devastatingly perfect, and he made it easier to fall for him every time he opened his mouth. Without thought, you opened your mouth to speak, letting the wine take control of the conversation.

“I miss you.” The statement was quiet, but impactful. In reality, the three words were barely loud enough to catch a normal listeners attention, but the sound was deafening, to him. When you were met with silence, a fizzle of regret formed in your chest, wondering if you took it too far. You would take it back, pretend you never said it or bury it so deep down that could never surface again, just to ensure he wouldn’t hang up the phone; the last thing you wanted was to scare him away.

Although drunk, your feelings were true. You did miss him: you wanted to stay wrapped up in him forever, whether it be just with basic comfort or with sexual nature. You didn’t care, as long as he was with you. In three days, his presence had not only caught your attention, but made home within the walls of your house. Feelings for him were blossoming from every angle, immersing you within them and tying you down with their roots. It only took three days for Jake to make you a fool for him, three days to produce a feeling that rivalled your feelings for Sam. If you thought you were in too deep before, you were drowning, now.

That’s the funny thing about love; it cares little about who it’s next victim is, only about the fatalities it leaves in its wake.

Despite equal consent to the game, fatality was most definitely the prize. By choosing to be ignorant to risk, all three of you willingly sealed your own fate. No amount of repent could save you from the consequences. Deep down, you were well aware of that fact, but the sin was so pleasurable that it no longer mattered.

“I miss you, Gold Dust Woman.” The words only solidified your desire to ignore the risk. It was the most beautiful statement you had ever heard, and it was laced with sincerity. Imbedded with so much emotion that it made your head spin, wondering if it was even possible for someone to speak with such unwavering clarity. As if he, too, realized the extent of his vulnerability, he quickly spoke to cover it. “I miss being inside you, more.” The sweet tone quickly turned into one of desire, but both of you knew it was a lie. He desperately missed the mornings activities, his arms wrapped around your waist with a kiss placed to your neck while the smell of coffee lingered in the air. Smiling and laughing, singing along and poorly dancing to the hum of the record player. Taking turns playing guitar for each other, him dedicating every song to you but leaving it unspoken. He missed the moments of silence, more comfortable than any other, where he could hear your breathing steady while your eyes fluttered closed, enticed by the idea of falling back into a slumber. He missed the fleeting feeling of you being his, and his alone. Even if the idea wasn’t wholly truthful, he liked to pretend it was.

And in a way, you were. Every part of you belonged to him in some sense, even if other forces were trying to pull you away. But neither of you would ever speak those thoughts aloud, scared of the same things, even if the ones you focused on were not the biggest threats. Instead, you played along, sad that he felt the need to discredit such a genuine confession, but relieved that you didn’t have to explain your own. You both fell in step with the devil once again, ignoring the ache in your hearts and covering it with animalistic attraction and half-truths. If only you could both hear how loud he was laughing, pleased that you carried on just how the devil intends.

“You know there’s always a place for you between my legs, baby.” You whispered, the low tone shaking him to his core, settling in his bones and breaking them under the weight of the statement. It was unspoken that the confessions of emotion would be ignored, as always. It was just the way things were. You could practically hear his need for you through the phone, even if he didn’t say anything.

“Is that what you want?” He posed the question in a derogatory manner, as if he was trying to make you to feel shameful for wanting him so badly. You could see through it, knowing that he just wanted to hear you admit your desperation for him. “You want me, baby?”

“Mhm,” You nodded, even though he couldn’t see you. As you realized that, you also realized how badly you wished you could see him. Before responding any further, you clicked the FaceTime icon on his contact. Within seconds, he accepted. The screen lit up with his face, immediately giving you a sense of relief. You took in the sight, noting he was sitting in his living room. You had only been to his apartment a handful of times, but you knew it well enough to recognize it. “Hi,” you smiled, almost forgetting the nature of the conversation.

“Hi, beautiful.” He disregarded the vulgarity for a moment, too, just so he could admire you. The blush that spread across your cheeks caused a smile to break out on his lips, too. He noted the wine glass in the frame before his eyes inevitably landed on your attire, the adoration in his eyes quickly fading into lust. The distant look let you know that he was already imagining what was beneath the flimsy red fabric. Remembering what lie beneath. As much as his expression enticed you, you couldn’t let him get away with it without making a comment.

“Eyes up here, Jacob.” You scolded, catching his attention again.

“Expect me not to stare when you look like that?” He asked, a smile still lingering on his lips. “Sadist.” He smirked, the word bouncing between you both, accompanied by pointed fingers and accusatory tones. Perhaps both of you were the sadists by continuing your entanglement without caution or worry about the future.

“I know how much you love the red, but I think you’ll love what’s underneath it, more.” You said, eyes never leaving his face. You could see the muscle in his jaw tense at the thought, proving you were correct.

“I think red is your colour, sweetheart.” He noted, disregarding your words. As bad as he wanted you to remove the clothing, he’d be caught dead before admitting you were right. “Sit back, baby. Let me see the rest of you.” The order was firm, making sure you knew that it was not a request. You propped your phone against the wine bottle, obeying the instructions and leaning back in your chair, allowing him a better view. He let out a sigh, content with the sight of your mostly exposed upper body.

“Like this?” You asked, bringing your hand to your chest and gently running your fingers over the edge of the cup on your bra, gently pulling it down in the process. It was enough to tease him, but not enough to show him what he was hoping to see. You let your finger linger for a second before releasing the hold. The fabric drifted back to its original position and you let your fingers trail down your bare torso.

“Just like that.” He affirmed, visibly bothered by the show you were putting on. “Be a good girl and take that off for me.” His plea was covered with dominance in attempt to hide his neediness, but it wasn’t working. Part of you wanted to give into the request; with the way he was looking at you, it was hard to want to deny him of anything. But, that little devil in your head was as angry as ever, now fuelled by the knowledge Danny had given you.

“Come over and take it off yourself.” You replied, trying to remain unbothered by his pet names. His eyes flashed with discontent, fed up with your continuous disobedience.

“You want me to come over?” He asked, playing into whatever game you were trying to start with him. You gave a nod, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to withstand the temptation for much longer. “You need someone to take care of that ache between your legs? To make you feel so good that you can’t remember your own name?” His tone was soft, sympathetic almost, but the flame ablaze behind his pupil and the slight tension in his jaw led you to believe he was being quite misleading.

“Yes, please.” You pleaded, ignoring your worry about his honesty. The arousal pooling between your legs was beginning to feel uncomfortable, like a constant, dull pain that would eventually drive you crazy. Something about Jake always led you to believe that life without him would lead you to the brink of insanity. The constant talk of want, or desire was quite minimal compared to how you truly felt about him. Necessity was closer to correct, depending on his touch more than your own heartbeat to keep you alive.

“You need someone to take care of that pretty little cunt,” he deducted, taking in a long breath at the sound of his own words. He was just as worked up as you, debating throwing his plan in the garbage and getting in his car that instant. “And you know I’m the only one who knows how to do it right.” He finished, finding the strength to stay seated and continue his merciless taunts.

“Please come over, baby. I need you so bad.” The words slipped out easier than any you had said before, the strength you had to endure his words was breaking apart every time he opened his mouth.

“I know, angel.” He hummed, soothing you for just a moment. You thought he was going to give in, to tell you he would be there in a minute, but when he spoke again, you wish you’d never started the battle in the first place. “I want to help you out, but you haven’t been very good for me. Being a tease doesn’t get you what you want, baby. You know that.”

“Jake, please. I’m sorry.” You begged, that feeling of familiar dread filling your stomach. “I’ll be good for you, I promise.”

“If I give you what you want, you won’t learn anything.” The irritation that grew from the smirk he was wearing was unbearable. You couldn’t genuinely believe that after the entire call, he would have the nerve to deny either of you the pleasure of spending another night together. “Go take care of yourself, sweetheart. Just think of me when you do.” Your teeth were clenched, frustrated that your efforts seemed to have no effect on him.

“Just come over, baby.” You tried once more, but his mind was made up.

“If you do what I say and behave, I might come and see you later.” So that was his plan; like always, he was willing to give in, but he felt the need to ensure you would suffer, first. “Another picture might help, too.” He sent a wink your way, so subtle that you almost missed it. Before you had a chance to respond, he had ended the call and you were met with the disappointing sight of your screensaver, wishing you had one more minute to admire the sight of his face.

You had two options: deal with the issue yourself, wait it out and hope he would feel generous enough to pay you a visit after a while, or call a cab and go to him, first. As much as the second option was tempting, you knew if you did so, it would only fuel his ego even further. He was well aware of the power he held over you, and running to him would only solidify the idea in his mind. Waiting to see if he would come over might do the same, but at least you would have the upper hand. By the time he showed up, your overwhelming need for him would have time to simmer. Then, you could give him a taste of his own medicine.

So you sat, sipping away at your wine, thinking that it wouldn’t be too difficult to wait it out. The closer the bottle got to empty, the more confident you felt about the situation. If he wanted to be an asshole, you could be, too. His request for more pictures would go unanswered, and he would have to give in. Even in your drunken state, you were aware of the power you had over him, too. Confidence did not equal satisfaction, though. You nursed the last of your wine until he showed up, or until you found something better to do, quickly realizing that time would not satisfy your craving for him. With every minute that passed, you hoped the feeling would fizzle away, but the more you ignored it, the worse it seemed to get.

Eventually, as you drained the last few drops of your glass for the second time (you had to make sure it was completely empty, of course), you heard a knock sound at the front door. A jolt of energy surged through you, realizing you had won the battle without putting any effort in at all. You stood, leaving the empty bottle on the table for decoration, and wasted no time following the sound of the knock. When you reached the front door, you ran your hand through your hair, straightening yourself out to look the best you could for him. Before opening the door, you ever so slightly peeked through the blinds.

In your drunken state, it seemed blatantly obvious that it was Jake standing outside. The tuft of brown hair that caught your eye was so familiar, immediately showering you with relief. But, if you looked for a moment longer, you might have clued in that opening the door in your current attire was a mistake. Had sobriety been in the question, you would have noticed the distinctive difference, how the body was taller, a bit more slender than the boy you were looking for. Maybe, it was possible you did notice, but we’re too blinded by excitement to cognitively understand that Jake was not the one knocking on your door. You wished to see him so badly that you overlooked any possibility of it not being him standing there.

When the door creaked open, you had a smirk on your lips, ready to throw his bluff back in his face. Instead of grasping the feeling of satisfaction for Jake’s failure, dread bled into every nerve in your body. It took a moment for both of you to understand exactly what scene you had found yourself in, but when you came back from the shock, you couldn’t even find the right words to express how you were feeling. Your limbs were frozen, unable to shut the door again and your heart was stuck in your throat. Sam’s wide eyes and parted lips showcased his matching emotions, also void of a proper response. Even in his complete surprise, he couldn’t help but feel his gaze drifting over every exposed part of you that was offered. If you wanted to be dramatic, you could even go as far as to say he was drooling at the sight of you.

After a moment of staring, you took a step to the side, covering as much of you as possible behind the solid door. “Do you greet everyone like that, or am I interrupting something?” He said, clearing his throat, joking to subtly to pass off his blatant gawking.

“Um, no… and no, I guess.” You squeaked, cheeks red enough to match the fabric that was barely concealing you.

“Expecting someone else?” The corner of his lip upturned into a smirk, finding humour in the awkward moment. He knew you were likely expecting his brother, but his cockiness allowed him to use the knowledge to his advantage.

“No,” you said after a long bout of silence, trying to sound confident. The alcohol was sending the devil in your head into a drunken rampage. Your plan to play into their game was bouncing around within your skull, urging you to take the embarrassing greeting and make it into something better. If Jake wasn’t willing to give you what you needed, you were sure that Sam would have no problem helping you out. If they wanted to involve you in their mess, you should have no issue using it for your own benefit. You were both playing with fire, but the heat was gradual; welcoming at first, and only burning you after the fact, once you were too far in to turn around.

“So I showed up at the perfect time, then?” Your anxiety washed away, even finding yourself able to produce a genuine smile at his ridiculously childish response. Your eyes drifted over his face, taking in the details of his expression. He had recovered from his nervous state, too, but his eyes were still glistening with appreciation at the beauty of you before him. You could have shut the door, turned him away with an apology and let the memory die, but his beauty was captivating, and you were drawn in by the way he was watching you. If you had found yourself in the situation with a lower blood-alcohol content, the whole thing would have been ridiculous and terribly wrong. Maybe it was the wine, or the brunch conversations that lead you to the conclusion in which you were headed towards. It didn’t matter, anyway, because you had already made up your mind. You didn’t want to turn him away; you were eager to let him inside.

“I think so.” You agreed, playing into him.

“Red’s your colour, princess.” He noted, trying to catch another glimpse of what you were trying to hide from him without being too obvious. Just another blatant show that Sam and Jake were in fact brothers, and brothers indeed. Too alike for their own good, and too foolish to see the problem. “You should wear it more often.” His voice was quiet, much different than his usual chipper tone that sounded through an entire room. You had never heard him speak in such a way, except for the small moment shared in your kitchen. It was enticing, perfectly alluring and dangerously gratifying.

“You should come in,” you stated, not as a request, but a fact. He watched you for a moment, attempting to convince himself that you were serious and not just pulling his leg. When you kept your composure, no hint of anything other than a genuine nature, he made a move towards you. Once he was inside, you closed the door behind him with little thought.

Perhaps too much carelessness for such a grave decision that would ultimately seal your fate.

Lousy lovers pick their prey

but they never cry out loud

TAGLIST: @itsdannysworld

[quinnfebrey]

pls give me your review of Next to Normal London youre the only one i trust

do i want to talk too much about next to normal? yes, i do. 

some disclaimers: first, i am extremely specific about my opinions on next to normal, so if you're thinking "that's a dumb thing to say!" well sorry but remember ive been marinating in this show for over a decade. also, this is just going to be a review of the principle cast! i did see a cover run but i wont talk about them here (feel free to ask about them though if you like)

alright, without further ado here are my thoughts on each actor + the staging/general thoughts:

diana (caissie levy):

i thought she did a great job overall, but i didn’t love some of the vocal changes she made to the songs. she has a beautiful voice, but her version of i miss the mountains was a little too “i’m performing!” for me. missed the needed rawness of alice here

i did really like her change of softening “can” in “i love you as much as i can” though

her acting was phenomenal, the moment with gabe's baby clothes was heartbreaking. she also had AMAZING chemistry with natalie, and i think her version of so anyway is my favorite that i've ever seen

i’m interested to see how she develops further into diana because i think there’s room for more understanding in the more nuanced parts of her character. she improved a lot as the show went on which tells me she struggles with the humor and manic side to diana that is more prevalent in act 1

dan (jamie parker):

i think his singing voice is perfect for dan, but his speaking voice was so strange to me. i don’t know if it was him trying to act around the accent or his true interpretation of the character, but a lot of his dialogue didn’t work for me the way his songs did. like i would be absolutely in love with a number and then he'd speak and i'd be thrown out of it i don't know

his acting was great though, i really enjoy this goofier version of dan than the original version. he's more playful and i really like that it humanizes him more and also helps bridge the dan that fell in love with diana and the dan of today

he's also i think the first dan i've seen play the role with so much anxiety? like clinical anxiety, he's basically having a panic attack at the end of i'm alive reprise/during the break. i really really liked the nuance that it brings to dan

gabe (jack wolfe):

his voice is great for the role, and the way he looks too just fits with the character idk really good casting here

he was definitely less creepy than i felt the original version wanted him to be, i haven’t decided if i like that or not. i think it added more to gabe’s development as a character, but i think took a little away from the fact that gabe is not actually a real person

he seems like less of a comfort object for diana in this version as well, which again i don't mind but changed the dynamic. this gabe felt more attached to the whole family

REALLY good solo in light, heartbreaking sweetness in i dreamed a dance

natalie (eleanor worthington-cox):

i absolutely LOVED her. she was by far the standout for me in this cast. her acting was perfect, she clearly understands natalie incredibly well, and her voice is wonderful too. very good understanding of the purpose of the songs.

she made a couple dynamic changes during catch me im falling that i thought were strange, but i could also see that coming from her trying not to copy the original

i think her natalie is the most scared that i've seen it played, which worked well with this interpretation of dan. it all built up really well to her breakdown in hey#3

i also felt a stronger connection between dan and natalie in this version more than i have with any other, so light hit a lot harder

henry (jack ofrecio):

i feel bad about this one but honestly i really did not connect with his interpretation of henry. that’s the nicest way i can say it

he seems like such a sweet guy and his voice is absolutely gorgeous, but... that's kind of where my likes end

he didn’t seem to understand any of the jokes he was telling because he couldn’t make any of them land (and he’s a very comedic character so what happened bro 😭)

he was too “nice guy." henry is written in a way that can come off really insensitive and whiny and it takes the actor bringing it to life to get away from that. he just didn't seem to add another side to it

for example, when he says “then i’m sure they will be” during catch me i’m falling i wanted a little more… i don’t know, hesitation or disbelief in himself? and when he says “why do i get denied” i was just like my god bro she’s dealing with real shit, get over it. acb’s delivery of that line comes across way more as like. im hurting because i don’t know how to help you, please let me help you. this guy was just a whiny boyfriend.

again, great voice, but everything besides his singing either just felt very flat or was aggravatingly annoying to me.

madden/fine (trevor dion nicholas):

honestly i don’t usually have strong opinions on this guy. his voice was great, he did a solid rockstar.

his biggest part for me is at the end when he’s trying to convince diana to stay in treatment. it’s the first time you see his douche doctor mask fall and you realize he genuinely believes his way is correct and doesn’t understand why it isn’t working. i think he did it really well, i’ve never seen a madden/fine do it with so much anger but it actually worked for me 

staging:

honestly i applaud them for being brave enough to change this much. having a real set already helps me separate this revival from the original run

i think the lack of true set in the original adds to the tone of the show, though, so this production did feel very different and more concrete which made some of the weirder blocking not work as well (like during my psychopharmacologist and i). instead of feeling more abstract and conceptual it was like oh They're In A House

but i don't necessarily think it's a bad thing, i just think it makes it a slightly different show and a person's preference will probably just be which one they saw first. i'm sure people who see the london version for the first time will see the original and wonder where tf everything is lol

i also seriously missed dan wiping up during i’ve been (i know he still does it but the double bucket is SUCH an effective stage trick)

and i missed gabe's general parkour, again him really just owning the stage like that helps him feel like not a real person

my one criticism of the staging is that in my opinion it felt cluttered and busy at times

general pros:

the kids felt younger, particularly gabe (even tho the actor is older than aaron and kyle were?? he just looks like he’s 14 i guess), which i think changed the tone a little for the better. makes them more sympathetic

the band ROCKED. slight mixing differences but not unwelcome 

i loooooved this version of maybe. literally every second of it was perfect. 

general cons: 

i don’t know if british people are just irritating or something but the jokes were not hitting unless it slapped them in the face. they also seemed to miss a lot of references like the one to macgyver, one flew over the cuckoo’s nest, sound of music, but they laughed at the portland joke EVERY TIME? lmao idk

why the balloons lol cut that pls

i’m probably missing soooo much so pls send specific asks about anything in the show (with or without my opinion attached lol) and i’ll do my best!

[dissonant-chord]

phantom and the stars

my gift for @fries-n-knives for the phantom truce !! you mentioned liking grayghost so i wrote a little pre-reveal fic of them being pals :] initially i had a hurt/comfort planned but i could not get this idea out of my head

ive never written valerie before this fic i hope i did her justice

AO3 Link: Here!!

Word Count: 824

Summary: Valerie encounters a Danny Phantom on a rooftop one night who seems more into the stars than she realized.

It was unusual to see Phantom quiet and alone. Oftentimes, he was trailed behind by Sam and Tucker or even that dang dog of his, wreaking havoc in his path. He was eerily quiet when she approached the spot he laid on the rooftop.

"Danny Phantom," the Red Huntress sneered, "what schemes are you involved in this time?" She kept one hand ready on her ectoblaster in case said ghost tried something. 

At first he didn't even move to respond, laying motionless like a corpse on the ground. The closer she got to Phantom, the closer she got to a realization.

He was sleeping. 

"You're kidding me. You are actually kidding me." Amity Park’s most well known ghost, taking a nap in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. She stared down at the white haired ghost who seemed far too comfortable here. Honestly, she thought to herself, how easy would it be for her to just ambush him? Usually she'd see him nearer to Fenton Works or the school, but he's a bit further away from all that this time.

She lowered her guard ever so slightly, hand no longer gripping the blaster. She didn't realize he needed sleep. Or that he even could sleep. 

Valerie sat down on the roof, letting herself relax a bit. It was better here than going back home to work on homework at the very least. And she could keep an eye on that Phantom Menace, making sure he doesn’t get up to something bad.

She glanced down at her phone, briefly scrolling through social media, ending up just staring at her background of her and Danny on one of their dates. Time to time, she'd glance down at Phantom, watching the very slow rise and fall of his chest. Did he need to breathe? Or was it just part of his human mimicry? Either way it was drastically slower than hers.

The longer she stared at him, the more he reminded Valerie of her Danny. Both had subtle freckles, although Phantom's were glowing green and vaguely star shaped. Their hairstyles were practically identical even with the color difference. The amount of Fenton tech the ghost owned was also a little strange. There was also the subtle green scar running up his neck, almost like Danny's lichtenberg scar. She always did want to ask Danny about that, but it never seemed like the right time to mention it.

Her thoughts were pulled to a halt when Phantom's seemed to twitch in his sleep before sitting up and stretching. He rubbed his eyes, glancing around before settling on Valerie who had subconsciously reached for her blaster again.

"What are you doing here?" Phantom asked warily, subtly pushing himself back away from Valerie. His voice had its usual ghostly echo, reminding her that this is in fact not Danny Fenton.

"I could ask you the same," she glared.

Phantom sighed, stretching again, keeping an eye on Valerie while she did the same. "I fell asleep, I guess. I wanted to stargaze." The ghost stared up at the sky, a sad look on his face. "It's kinda sad."

"What is?" Valerie felt her skin crawl, slowly letting her hand relax to her side again. It was unusual having a conversation with Phantom. He's more conversational than she initially thought. Guess there’s more than just subpar oneliners.

"The light pollution. I have to go so far away from Amity to see even the brightest of constellations. And even then you don't get the full view," his voice grew quieter and the natural ghostly echo seemed to lessen ever so slightly. "Have you ever truly seen the stars?"

Valerie was taken aback by the question. Was he like this normally? When they weren’t fighting?

Was he really as bad as she thought? This gave some new insight on the ghost.

She shook her head. "I guess I haven't."

Phantom sighed softly. "I figured. They're beautiful. Maybe we could see them together." Valerie watched as a pale green blush spread across his face. "No- wait, that's silly," he laughed rubbing the back of his neck and looking away, "we're enemies."

"You blush green?" How has she never noticed that before?

"Ectoplasm instead of blood will do that."

"I see." It feels like she's seeing Phantom in a new light. A strangely more human side of him. "I'd like to see them at some point if a ghost like you says they're beautiful."

"Next week?"

Her eyes widened. "Huh?"

"Next week we see the stars?"

She could feel her face heat up behind the cover of the helmet. "Yeah. Yeah okay."

Phantom pushed himself up, stretching his arms high above his head. "Great chat then! Can't wait!" He gave her a cheeky wink before quickly vanishing from her sight.

Valerie stood there in shock for a moment, her face feeling like it was on fire.

What had she gotten herself into?

[howtowhumpyourhiccup]

Blame

Summary: Httyd Whump Week 2024 Day 7. Set in a Modern AU, Sci-fi AU. Mind Full AU. Hiccup isn't entirely surprised when he wakes up again, his life saved. Unfortunately for him, his mother is done with him.

Warnings: Mind Control, Child Abuse

Rating: Mature

Dead Dove: No

Words: 638

Prompt: Free Day

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Characters: Hiccup, Toothless, Valka

Pairing: /

Author's Notes: Had this one left over from the Augusnippets challenge and I'm glad I finally get to post it. I'm still not done with this idea yet!

Enjoy!

-XOXOX-

Hiccup is only mildly surprised when he wakes up again after taking nearly an entire box worth of painkillers. Of course, it wouldn’t work. Of course, they stopped him. Even this, he couldn’t choose.

He’s lying on a bed in the medical bay, hooked up to a heart monitor, an IV, the usual. If he’d been allowed to feel, his body would probably feel awful after what he put it through. One probably wouldn’t be able to tell from looking at his face either. His stare remains the same.

There are sounds next to him and sluggishly he turns his head to find his mother getting up from a chair. Strange, she doesn’t tend to sit next to him when he has disappointed her.

“Do you realize what you tried to do?” She asks in the most frighteningly calm voice. There are Wingmaidens standing near the door, Atali is one of them. There is Nadia, Dina, still no sign of Minden, which gives him comfort. It means Astrid is safe, right?

To outsiders it would look like Valka’s question goes unanswered, but they know that isn’t the truth. Hiccup can’t talk, can’t properly write, can’t learn sign language either, so their entire communication is done through their link. And he tells her that he knows exactly what he did.

He was taking her toy away from her.

“I… know…” Just in case the Wingmaidens also needed to know. He feels a spike in his constantly present migraine. At least Toothless’ relief that he’s okay is poured into him. Hiccup can feel the fear he felt, his every thought telling him that he’s not mad, that he doesn’t blame him.

Valka sighs almost in resignation. First his betrayal and now this. She leans forward and grabs hold of the railings of the bed. There is not a single change in her son’s expression as he looks up at her, not that she should expect one. But when she finds no remorse on his end, she knows that it’s over. She lost his loyalty the second she made him and Toothless kill that man.

While he was running, while he was unarmed, while he was scared.

Hiccup won’t allow her to manipulate him again.

“It’s not your fault,” his mother is truthful as she tells him. “I never should’ve trusted you to begin with.”

Then she reaches a hand out and strokes his cheek, which he can’t even feel. It would’ve been a motherly gesture if it didn’t have such a possessive context.

“But there is still potential inside of you and I can’t let that go to waste. I’ll have to start over, but I’ll give yo u the rest you want,” in their shared “hivemind” Hiccup can tell exactly what she means to do and a bout of panic wells up. He’s not certain if it’s his own or Toothless’, who can follow this entire exchange.

Valka pulls that tiny remote from her pocket, the one that stopped his breathing before and it makes him wonder for just how long she’s been walking around with that thing. Did she pull it out for the first time when she realized he was breaking Astrid out? Did she have it as a precaution ever since he dealt so badly with that man’s death? Since his return? Or has it been there all along?

She presses a button in his view, she holds it up just for his benefit.

And suddenly he’s blacking out. A tiredness so overwhelming washes over him, it’s so strong that he falls asleep almost immediately, his eyes are slipping closed.

His last thoughts go out to his dragon, to the closest people he’s had to friends in his entire 20 years of life, and his father. Who he never got to see again, not even once.

[henghost]

seven theses on ziz waifuism

i. i use Ziz instead of simurgh to maintain consistency with the other endbringers, whose names are derived from the monsters mentioned in the book of job, from whose flesh israel will feast in olam ha-ba.

ii. what is Ziz? Ziz is her body, her power, her scream, her effect, her allegorical potential. she is hypermediated surveillance capitalism, outside of which we are literally incapable of seeing. she is the death drive. she is school shootings and suicide epidemics.

iii. what is waifuism? waifuism is the practice of taking a character and imagining them as a partner, often a romantic one. waifuism shares qualities with "reality shifting," the belief made popular by tiktok that it is possible with sufficient to training to move between realities, even fictional ones. it also shares characteristics with the epidemic of synthetic tourette's.

iv. what is schizoposting? a subtack writer puts it thusly: "Schizoposting is the art of saying weird shit and believing in it, to sum it up. It’s the art of using wrong reasoning, weird spelling and grammar, and new age/based [sic] beliefs to create a pretty intelligent worldview, that no rational mind can ever conjure up, even if their lives depended on it. It’s a psycho-weapon against capitalism/the state and it’s [sic] agents, a protective shell against outside forces. It has its roots in surrealism and dadaism, both art movements dedicated to unwrapped the unconscious/subconscious mind, as laid out in freudian theory, and the abolishing of logic as a natural force."

this is far too optimistic an account. v. it is said that in madison (among, in fact, all other cities that fell victim of Ziz) the first effect to be noticed was a strange epidemic of cough syrup (dextromethorphan) addiction. it was as though, knowing they were doomed to enact violent events, the citizens sought comfort in dissociation because only that could fully separate them from the violence of their actions. another word for dissociation is irony.

vi. if we take walter benjamin's angel of history to be a symbol of the 20th century's bourgeois notions of a strictly progressive history, then Ziz is the 21st century's angel of the perennial now. there is nothing new, only deconstruction.

what are we to make, by the way, of the idea that worm is a "deconstruction" of the superhero genre? they say this as if it means it is progressive, when in fact its deconstructionism is precisely its most regressive aspect, its love for the status quo, for the perennial now.

vii. it is said that there are those who were immune to Ziz's attacks because they had listened to her scream on the internet. these people had Ziz body pillows. they had developed a tolerance via asmr. we must follow them, these Ziz waifuists. Ziz is my waifu the way accelerationism is my waifu: problematically, dangerously, wrongly. Ziz tells me to schizopost.

[triptychofvoids]

Thank you for answering my other questions your quite nice but I know your sleeping schedule is odd and so what is the funniest place you've ever fell asleep at that you know off and have you ever caught the others sleeping in strange positions or places?

as much as i hate to say it, i and the others have all had our fair share of falling asleep in places other than a bed. at the table, at a desk, on the couch, on the floor.. but i dont think any of those count as funny or strange. i do vaguely remember sleeping on the floor in a small closet of a hotel room once. i also fall asleep on the stretchers or exam table from time to time and ive been told thats weird but i actually find them quite comfortable! and all the rumors you may have heard about sniper falling asleep in strange places are true, theres one time i found him folded into a kitchen cupboard fast asleep and i have no idea how or why. engie has also fallen asleep a number of times while working on a machine or some other thing, the most recent being underneath his truck, and it took me longer than id like to admit to decide if i should wake him up or just let him take a nap under there....

[tenaciouschronicler]

December 13 2024 2009

Three Jades? Well I guess that explains the sleeping but not sleeping thing with Jade. Jades dream self is in the same yellow clothing as what is above the fireplice which is wild. Does she own these clothes in real life and why would you pick those for your dream? The robot is very weird. First off why? How does the bed sense her dreams to power this robot and more importantly who made it? Jade tries sleeping in her dream but cant get comfortable because "some sort of invisible force is pressing down on you, a strange feeling of cold heavy metal." So I dont think shes aware that theres a robot that copies her moves.

Taking a look around the place Ive got a couple of observations. The whole room is washed pink from the bed, to the new wallpaper, to the plants and the items on the floor. There are no posters at all and the lights of the selected shirt options are all off. Its very bright outside and the sky is pale yellow, with the sun turning the sheets orange. Lastly, Im just realizing the bed posts kinda look like lathed totems? I dont know if Im just late to the party on that but there ya go.

We get to see the past related to Johns birthday present, which here is signed GT which we come to find out related to Johns previous Chumhandle 'ghostyTrickster'. A few things we learn. Rose and Jade probably had their past conversation in December as well because they talked about birthday presents.

John is the baby of the group (cant relate), Jade is the oldest and Dave and Rose are one day apart. John was one busy guy getting and wrapping their gifts in time but in all his excitement he forgot how long mail takes to get to Jade.

Jade has been harassed for years by these troll accounts, of which she counts 12, and they are the reason John changed his Chumhandle and ruined the friend theme.

We jump back to Present John for a second which is great cause now I can talk about the rest of those drawings in the past.

Every time you reenter your room, you shudder at the recent handiwork of some mischievous imps.

(emphasis mine)

Um, John, buddy how are you only seeing this now? Its been on your wall for months. Im surprised Rose hasnt said anything on this matter...

TT: Are you suggesting that imps are responsible for defacing your movie posters?

EB: uh, YEAH?

TT: Your posters have looked like that ever since I first saw your room.

TT: The moment we started playing this game.

TT: I thought you had defaced them ironically to mock your father's interests.

Not two pages later Rose debunks me letting it be known that these pictures are visible to others. We cannot directly connect these as a Sburb creation because we saw them prior to the game. John is the most likely to be their creator but he 1) would never do that to his posters and 2) somehow blocked their existance until this moment.

Fun little crack theory with this information: What if this is why Dad likes Harlequins? He saw these drawings (theres no evidence he couldnt) and assumed that John was embarrassed about this interest and being the dad that he is decided to show support by decorating the house to show there is no reason for shame? And then sad part about this theory, theres also writing that says 'lame kid' so what if Dad is also trying to boost Johns self-esteem with all his talks? AH wait! Im gonna keep adding to this OMG, what if Dad is corresponding with Dr. Brinner, who he met through the Serious Bussiness chat, because hes a psychologist to get help for John?! Oh man, I am spiraling in these theories.

Ok, ok back to the plot. Rose is not very concerned with her imminent firey demise and has named her new kitten Vodka Mutini. In the back, we can see she barely escaped the explosion as evidenced by the scorch mark on the pink scarf.

After witnessing John have another breakdown, we jump to WV who is attempting to climb down from the station roof. Alas, they are out of rope (cable) and refuses to relinquish their sash. Serenity does some scouting of the conveniently visible cable in the distance.

Its attatched to a harpoon, "This strikes you as convenient! It is almost as if someone knew you would need a bunch of cable". Indeed. Apperifying it is! Unfortunately, the apperifier was still set to the past and instead we get this.

A lovely hand drawn letter from Jade along with the present she just recieved and WVs pronouns. While confused by the envelope contents, WV decides as any mayor worth their salt would "it is obviously critical MAYORAL BUSINESS which you take very seriously and you will defend this package with your life." An absolutely fine mayor he chooses to be.

[colin-86sc2]

11/26/2024

its 2:18 am as i start writing this. youre not supposed to listen to what your brain says after 9 pm or whenever but i need to get some words out. this morning i stayed in bed doing nothing for an hour. then i played some video games. i got bored and ate some food. went back to playing video games. basically went back and forth between those until about half an hour ago. i want to actually make something. when i make stuff i love it. i love sharing it with people. i want to share my interests, but due to my own mistakes and bad choices and things i regret, i have few friends and no desire to join an online community to find more. and pretty much only my brother is who i can show most of what i do i dont like being embarrased about who i am, but i also dont know if what i feel is what i actually am. and then when i see things about how happy some people can be with their choices in life, i wonder what must be wrong with me. im terrified of not being known but i have no idea how to put myself in any sort of situation where people would know me i want to create. i want to make music. i want to draw. i want to fix things that are broken. i want to make people happy. the things i do create arent good enough to pursue in my eyes. my music sounds bad as soon as i listen again. my drawing can be decent but compared to what i had imagined its sad. my fixing is restricted to my four cars but i have no motivation to get past any slightly difficult part of it. (ive been trying to fix the same car for nearly 5 years now) i cant tell what other people are thinking, so i have no idea how im doing at making people happy. but how can i feel okay with making people happy when im not happy myself saw something that makes sense to solve part of that. it said that lack of motivation might be that some of the more basic needs arent being met. according to some versons of the maslows heirarchy i might not even have the bottom of the triangle filled out, when the things i want are three or four up. i hate the abstractness of feelings. i wish i could know definitively if what im feeling or more often not feeling is abnormal or not. im pretty sure it is but unless i know something for sure i cant accept it. i hate subjective answers. how long does happiness last? am i feeling sadness right now? am i depressed? the only thing i can ever say is whether or not im stressed, my body tells me that with cold sores. anything else is subjective, and according to my brain, theres no right answer to a subjective question. i feel bad only using tumblr for venting now but its the only place i can. if someone wants to read, they could. theyd have to search it out, and its certainly not easy to find. knowing one person follows this blog is so strange to me. i dont know them, i dont know what sort of person they are, but the idea that at least someone knows part of me a little more deeply than my family does is somehow comforting. sorry if youre reading this rn and i made it weird. anyways. i need to make myself better. i want to do it on my own, but i know thats probably not a great choice. there are people with much better track records in every category whove made it their life to help in situations like this. but man, i really dont want to talk to people.

[autisticgirliesbracket]

What makes Nepeta Leijon from Homestuck the autistic girlie ever of all time? Here's what the people have to say:

Nepeta-related asks/reblogs: x This post will be updated after each round!

Image ID in alt text and under the readmore.

[Image ID. White slide with a screenshot of Nepeta in the bottom left corner, she is biting her hat. She is surrounded by text boxes which read,

"I have the tism and i gave it to her. Her special interests are relationships and hunting!!! Also cats!!!! Cat girl! Beloved!"

"Nepeta has multiple special interests, most notably roleplaying as a "purrbeast" (cat) and analyzing every potential quadrant pairing between her friend group (shipping but hard mode). She always wears an oversized coat and a cat face hat. She openly mentions that she doesn't really get or care about social rules, especially ones pertaining to the blood color caste system. And most importantly: I love her. Therefore she has the Tism."

"feral cat girl who lives in a cave. she roleplays 24/7 with all her friends (many ungrateful of her epic roleplaying skills) definitely a furry. pretends to be a cat all the time. the most autistic behavior if ive ever seen it (/positive)"

"she's obsessed with shipping, paints on her walls with her bare hands (fun sensory experience) she loves playing with yarn and string, she's literally referred to as autistic by another character at one point"

"Constantly dressed as her favourite animal (a cat, which is a very 'tism favourite animal to have as a previous Warrior Cats Autistic Girlie myself). She types with :33 at the beginning of every message, uses cat puns, and roleplays with others obsessively to communicate even if they're not necessarily playing along. She even uses claws as her weapon. One of THE most cat-obsessed Autistic Girlies ever. All my Autistic convention friends loved cosplaying her. The call of the 'Tism was too strong."

"she's a shipping-obsessed catgirl who roleplays all the time and has like one actual friend, who's also autistic (talking about equius). i'll be honest, it's a good thing you said "only one per piece of media" because otherwise there'd be a lot more homestuck characters (like almost a third of the characters, it's insane). but i had to choose the *most* fitting one so nepeta it is!"

"multiple characters do refer to her as autistic (derogatory), for one, but she lives in a cave and everyone thinks she's strange and she likes to think about what kinds of relationships her friends might have and draw them on the walls and she wears a big comfy coat and kitty paw slippers and a comfy blue hat and she likes cats and her mom is a cat and she loves rp and has one best friend who nobody else really gets but her"

"her special interest is shipping and also she has weird girl swag . she has fun doing silly rps with her online friends and also she lives in the woods and is a skilled hunter but that doesnt have anything to do with the autism i just think its cool. she stims by chewing on her hat :3 also shes a cat girl 👍 shes canonically autistic btw :D"

"Stims via hat, flapping and pressure hugs from equis. Hyperfixated on shipping (me too) is a cat girl (cats are autistic creatures) and also lacks a lot of social skills (i.e her insistence on roleplaying despite other trolls being annoyed by her)"

"nepeta is unaware of social cues, has an obsession (read: special interest) with romance and shipping, is a literal catgirl, “:3”, and she always wears her blue comfort hat!!!"

"Biting! She loves cats so much that she roleplays as one and dresses like one and incorporates it into her personality and typing quirk! Look at how she dresses... comfy.... !!! She's also got the sort of vibe where other people treat her as annoying for her interests but she has trouble picking up on that (sorry nep they're being mean to you 😔)" End ID.]