#also sorry t took so long i couldnt

[hannieehaee]

hello !! Could you make a svt reaction to you being very loud in bed ? <3 (nsfw) thank you !!

you being really loud in bed

content: smut, being heard by other people while having sex, established relationship implied, etc.

wc: 813

a/n: thank u for requesting sorry i took so long T-T

masterlist

seungcheol -

one of his main goals when fucking you would be to hear how loud you got for him (with his main goal being to make you cum, of course). he was simply obsessed with your sounds, and knowing that other people could hear you would just motivate him into fucking you even harder. he adored the thought of others hearing how pretty you sounded for him and only him.

jeonghan -

being real, he would probably be proud knowing that other people could hear you as he rammed into you. he loved everyone knowing how pretty and angelic you sounded for him. the thought of other people hearing you and feeling aroused by your pretty sounds would have him fucking you even harder.

joshua -

he'd chuckle and mock you a bit for how loud you were being. would imitate your moans a bit, just to get a rise out of you, eating up the way you couldnt help yourself. he would absolutely encourage you to be as loud as you could, not at all minding other people hearing you.

jun -

he'd panic a little bit whenever you got a bit too loud. he knew his members were just on the other side of the wall, so it was very likely that they could hear every single cry of pleasure you were letting out. his friends never let go of year's-old jokes, so he knew that they'd never let this go either.

soonyoung -

he'd wanna show it off to anyone (not that anyone asked ...) he loved showing you off in any and every other context, and this wouldnt be an exception. he would be incredibly turned on at knowing that other people could hear the cries and mewls of pleasure that only he could pull out of you.

wonwoo -

as someone who was usually pretty quiet in bed, you'd make a huge contrast to him. he'd be conflicted between wanting everyone know how good he made you feel and wanting to keep your sounds all to himself. would likely encourage you to be loud for him but would also sometimes muffle you in order to keep your pretty sounds all for himself.

jihoon -

oh, god, why did you have to be so loud? dont get him wrong, your sounds always had him feeling ways he was way too shy to explain, but that was the root of the issue. he was a bit reserved when it came to his sex life, he didnt need the members getting a front row seat to what you sounded like when getting pounded by him.

seokmin -

your loud moans would literally make him cry and whine like crazy, body losing control as the two of you seemed to have a competition of who could be louder. your sounds would make him lose his mind, realizing there was a sinister side to himself that made him proud at knowing others could hear the two of you as you lost yourselves in each other.

mingyu -

he'd be just as loud so there would be no issue! every single time the two of you ever did anything in the bedroom, he knew anyone around could hear both you and him. it kinda excited him, honestly. he loved knowing that you both made the other feel such insane ecstasy to the point where neither of you could possibly muffle your sounds.

minghao -

as much as he loved when you were loud for him, if there was ever any risk of other people hearing you, he would muffle you somehow. he'd either gag you or put his palm over your mouth, whispering against your ear for you to behave and keep your sounds for his ears only.

seungkwan -

o-oh? were you making those noises because of him? could everyone else hear you just as well as he did? he would find a new bit of information about himself through his reaction to your loud moans. turns out he was a bit of an exhibitionist, or else how could you explain how light-headed he got at the thought of everyone knowing how pretty you sounded – all for him?

vernon -

he'd get a little sheepish at the way you were twitching and moaning way too loud for comfort, knowing that his members were probably able to hear you also. this shyness would be quickly overpowered by how incredibly hard the whole situation made him, however. you just sounded so fucking pretty ... he'd be thinking of your pretty sounds for weeks.

chan -

a single moan escaping your mouth would have him rutting against you like crazy. he'd reel whenever you were loud for him, reaching a level of turned on that he thought impossible. he wouldnt even have half a mind to think about how any outsiders may be able to hear you. all he cared about was making you moan more and more for him.

[whole-circus]

Hihi I recently started reading your works and stchnvdhnifbmb I'm obsessed now lol

I must ask how the creeps would react to someone who was there for them before they became the way they are now? I'm quite curious (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；)

Take care and hydrate <333

Creepypastas with reader that had knew them before tragic eventes

➥ with Jeff the Killer, Homicidal Liu, "Ticci" Toby, Eyeless Jack, Ben Drowned

Ahh you waited so long for this Im so sorry!T^T

Also you guys have no idea how sweet that is! Im glad that someone likes to read my scribble! <3 Lots of love and also remember to hydrate! I choose couple of pastas, but feel free to inform me if you would like someone else!

.•┈••✦ 🖤 ✦••┈•.

☆ Jeff the Killer

During one of this normal days, or maybe during calm night? You finally saw him..You were looking at eachothers, not sure what to do - sure, he may be a killer now..but this killer was once your friend? Does he even recognize you? But to your suprise, he just started laughing. It wasn't his casual maniac laughter..this one were more friendly, just like the laugh of him you remembered. The laugh of your best friend. He remembered you..and even if he is way diffrent now, then the part of him is still your best friend. You are finally something good in his miserable life, and he almost felt normal once again. Its funny how you make a man like him smile and sigh in relief, just by your presence. And he doesn't care what he did do somehow deserved you again - all he could do is being grateful for that.

☆ Homicidal Liu

You manage to meet Liu on one, ordinary night. Even if he looked, oh so diffrent, then inside you could still recognize his past self. When it comes to Liu, he couldnt believe his luck in that moment. He craves for sense of normalcy like nothing else, its his only true wish..but now you are here again? He start to remember all this nice moments from his childhood..you were in all of them! Even if he didnt recognize you at first, he felt so many strong emotions and could find something familiar..and like that after a quick chat you finally were in eachothers arms once again. There you were..his only hope and only love, you have no idea how long he had waited for you - and when he finally got you, he wont let you go again.

☆ "Ticci" Toby

After everything he had done, Toby really became all this names they used to call him in school - he was a monster, a freak in fact. Could you even look at him in the same, sweet way you used to as a kid? He was scared, constantly scared..so he didnt made a first move. Until that day. When he finally saw you again, he finally felt at peace. The feeling when you were again in his arms felt like coming home from a long journey. He was able to feel the same thing, the same love and care from you. And he already felt much better, just from seeing your smile again.

☆ Eyeless Jack

He was sure you wouldn't recognize him..now he was a monster after all, a inhuman being, a demon straight from poeple nightmares. But he wished, he dreamed that you would look at him in the same way - they way you used to when everything was normal. Meeting you again made him so incredible happy..he almost feel human again! All he could do was just hug you, and sob quietly.. you had so much to talk about, but you have time for that..the only thing that matter is you right now.

☆ Ben Drowned

Ben wasnt the same person you used to cherish and care for..shit, he wasnt even a person, a human anymore. So was he still worth of your friendship? Your sweet words and hugs? Was he even worth looking at you? But he finally decide to meet you once more, he had all eternity and he needs you to make it worth exisitng. So when he showed up at your doors? He had it all planned, the things he will do and say..but just seeing you made him tear up and look in guilt to the ground. His always cool and smug persona, was replaced with the seriousness and culpability. And when you took him into your warm embrace? When you started to shush him ,a dcomfort him? He felt at peace once again, almost like nothing else matters but you both. You already made him the happiest and nothing can compare to you, nothing else in this world.

.•┈••✦ 🖤 ✦••┈•.

[enden-k]

remembering about trans!haitham headcanon, do you have any ideas you could share about it? (if that doesn't bother you) maybe about if his grandmother ever knew it, or if kaveh even knew alhaitham before the transition. maybe kaveh knows haitham's deadname? maybe kaveh actually helped haitham in his journey to affirm his gender? thinking about this makes me excited to do a fanfic about this AAAAAAAA-

ofc, i have quite a few (transhaitham just means a lot to me hhhsjdjk)

i like to imagine that his grandma knew and her love, care and support remained unchanged; all she wanted is for him to be content and comfortable, teaching him all that. she def helped him here and there; like seeing how he was bothered by his longer hair so she proposed to cut it short and seeing how his eyes lit up in his usual neutral face when he saw his reflection was prob one of her fav memories of little haitham. not only getting rid of the bothersome weight and heat of annoying hair but also seeing how he looked more boyish pleased him a lot (not that short hair = strictly masculine etc. you know what i mean there)

(dysphoria is not "required" or smth every trans person experience(d), saying this right away (and also as a note to anyone actually unaware of this) - he def didnt experience it, just felt sometimes a bit bothered by some stuff) he just simply knew who he is and wanted to find more comfort with himself by aligning his physical appearance more with his feeling and identity (by transitioning)

(idk if i explain it well in english what i want to say. also def projected there)

so, kaveh and haitham def knew each other in the early stages; when haithams grandma passed away, he attempted to cut his own hair (usually his grandma did) and it turned out cutely shaggy and sloppy (not that it bothered him much, as long as it doesnt look too awful to him) kaveh couldnt take it tho and in a quiet homoerotic charged moment took it on himself to do it right and save it. haitham already went by his name there but if someone knows of his deadname other than his grandma back then, its def only kaveh as his closest friend

years after their falling out, when they meet again in the tavern it nearly had kavehs eyes bulging out when he recognized the person seating down next to him as haitham - so much broader and bulkier than he used to be (back then he was already working out a little just to stay fit and healthy and gain more muscle, but still much slimmer in early stages of t. but now? def could snap kaveh in half and he wouldnt mind at all), his voice deep but still that same aggravatingly confident tone---

(i just love the image of kaveh always being so attracted to haitham and haitham alone, always loving him in every way, for being himself just like haitham loving him in every way, always and without a break despite their falling out)

this is turning more into me being sappy about them than transhaitham thoughts LMFAO SORRY anyway i think kaveh helped haitham a lot with things like cutting his hair properly short or picking clothes (mostly bc he liked dressing haitham since he deems his tastes as awful) or showing him how to shave when he first grew facial hair, all that kinda stuff

[cantgetworsethanthistbh]

Don’t know if you’re still taking prompts but if you are you should totally write about ford eating out fem!stan for the first time plz🙏

hey anon! sorry i took a really long ass while to respond to this since i couldnt think of any specific scenarios to write this prompt of that wasn't just, you know, the prompt— but it finally hit me like a truck today! and also cuz i was sick and doing this in between homework djdndhdsn

anyway, VERY explicit under this read more, since i got SO carried away, hope you dont mind its the geezers pre-weirdmageddon in this one AND that you dont mind a little sex pollen also ty ty ty so much for your fem!stan request i love it when people enable me dhdndhdbdu also sorry to everyone who exoected a "read more" but tumblr hides my stuff when i do that so heres the warning, please scroll if thats not your thing

~~

"Constance, get down!"

"Wha—"

It was too late. Cloud of pink glitter exploded in her face and sent her into a coughing fit so hard her lungs shook in her ribcage. She drops to the floor and hears Ford's "Constance!"

Then she hears him fire his space gun. Just out of her periphery was chunks of blue goo that would be a fucking bitch to clean out of the walls and carpet, but la di da, there it was. There isn't a second to groan about that or the way her breathing turned heavy when Ford runs to her side, grabbing at her arm and forcing her to her back.

"Constance, are you okay?"

"Stanford..." Stan wheezes, turning her head into a hafl glare. "What... the HELL was that...?"

Ford's eyes narrow, inspecting her face, before his thumb brushes against her cheek. Stan shivers, a full body quake and confusion over taking her while Ford inspects his thumb. From down here, Stan can only stare because what else can she do when she's down, dizzy with virtigo from whatever magical poison that got sprayed across her face.

From down here, Stan feels the heat from Ford's grip, the pads of his fingers and the large mass of his palm against the bare skin of her arm, tickling the nerves underneath into sending sparks that go through her body and meet at the coil of her stomach. Even Ford's knee, under all that cloth and was much father from her face than Stan seems to think it is, illicited some deep, twisted something in Stan again she hasn't felt in a while.

"Ford?"

Ford's eyes snap back to her, blown and widened with alarm. Suddenly, he grabs her arm again, slips it over his shoulders, the other encircling her back. Stan thinks, alright, he's going to help me up, before a squawk rips from her throat when his arm loops under the back of her knees and lifts her to the air.

"What are you—?!"

"No time to explain, let's go," Ford says with all the urgency of a man on a mission. Carrying her out of their fairy-thing-guts covered living room with way too much ease, he sprints into the giftshop, ignoring Stan's confusion and dragging her into the basement.

It doesn't take a too long to find herself sitting on Ford's desk, trying to pump the breaks on the now doubled speed of her heart and the vibrations that run through out her body, working its ways to adjust to the surrounding. When Ford plopped her down and breathed the same air she did for less than a second, she felt it— ignition to an burnt out furnace suddenly bursting to new life. there was so much heat simmering through her veins, her nerves, every god damn thing was way too much to handle.

She's hot. Ford's desk and the glass plane behind her was cold, cold to a chill, and her thighs clench and rub together, onto the desk, aching for that rub of friction because she needed something hot, hot now, just as hot as her. Her mouth was dry, all the spit went on her tongue to her lips. Things— way too many things jumble in Stan's head, ranging from what the fuck is happening to holy shit, when did Sixer get that strong.

What stood out the most through was her brother saying he messed around with fucking nymphs, and all morning he's been hunted down by them. The one dead by their living room? A fucking nymph-assassin.

"Sixer, what the hell?" She pants, and oh God, she's panting? When the hell did that happen? Stan sucks in a breath again when Ford turns from rummaging through his stuff again to finally throw her a glance. Red hot heat crawls up her neck and she bites down on her lip when his eyes zero in on her squirming, her thighs. Stan might've thought she saw his jaw flex but, fuck if she wasn't also just going delirious.

"Why the hell were you messing around with those things in the first place?"

"I needed something from them, Constance," Ford answers measuredly, and Stan hears another racket from him looking for some goddamn thing through out his mess. "I've made an ammicable deal with them in the past, and now they're pushing for more. That's out of my control."

"I bet you backed out of that deal," Stan accuses, because it was pretty clear to them that Ford wasn't a god damn master of trickery or whatever. "What, you tried to swindle them for more of this fuck-powder? You know they sell viagra at the store?"

"That wasn't what I dealed with them for," Ford mutters lowly and, damn, if it were any other time, Stan would make fun of him. Stan would tease him, laugh at the embarrassed pout on his face, the bright red flush over his cheeks and ears. But she can't, not when Ford's back was what she's staring at, the broad, plane of his back and wide slopes of his shoulders, hidden under that stupid trenchcoat and sweater combo.

Where they could be ripped off and Stan could see all the things she never would have imagined her cute, nerdy but unappreciatedly handsome brother growing into if not for the one perk of getting shoved into a portal to whole universes of things trying to kill him. When she couldn't imagine him getting any hotter than he already—

They're back, those stupid god damn fantasies. They came at night, they came in the morning. They came whenever she and Ford would pass each other in the hall in their mutual agreement of no-talking, and his shadow almost engulfs her completely nowadays, and all she thinks is how stupid this whole avoiding each other thing is and they could be siblings as thick as thieves again.

Or even better— Ford could shove her into the wall and kiss her until she can't breathe. He could let her push that coat of his shoulders and sweater off his back so Stan's hands could crawl up them again. He could bite her neck, unbutton her blouse and pants, put one of those big palms to use and grope and squeeze around her tits, put those extra fingers to use and slip them into her pants, underwear, her, while Stan barely holds herself together biting at the firm skin on his shoulder.

Put that smartass mouth to use and say "Thank you, Stan" or "You're so good for me, Stan."

Get on his knees and put that mouth to even better use if he'd just shove down her pants, place his hands on her hips, nose against her bush and his mouth on her—

It takes a second too long to realize, but it happened. one hand slid between her legs, pushed the fabric of her boxers away to brush at her wet and even more senstive pussy. A second too long to stop that haggard mewl that came out of her lips.

A second too long to see that Ford finally turned back with a jar in way too tightly gripping hand, staring slack jawed at Stan behind his glasses.

Fucking great.

"Constance," Ford breathes shakily, and no, this can't happen. Their relationship can't get any worse, and sure Stan is gross for thinking about her brother that way, but she can't help that they're coming at the worst time, when she can't hide in her room far, far away from the basement and ride on her fingers to quiet cries of Ford's name.

"G-God, don't be so dramatic about it!" She says, sweat prickling at her neck. "You-you've seen me change and get naked before! This isn't that different!" Because there wasn't totally a difference between getting used to changing infront of your brother when you could barely live in one small space together when you were kids to touching yourself to them, right infront of them.

Right?

Man, she's such a sucker.

Shame is mixing with her already sizzling skin, and she needs to go. Take that jar-of-something to her room and figure it out on her own because obviously, Ford already wanted nothing to do with her and would want it even less now. Goddamn it, this would be so much easier if Ford didn't have eyes that were identical to hers, but wore it with that cutting stare that tore through her. Since they were teens and she was in denial about getting off to her twin brother who stared a little too hard— or even since forever.

Or at least if she wasn't still so hot and bothered thinking about him where she thinks she might've already came to his god damn desk.

Stan starts pushing herself off of it, face sweaty and pink. "F-Fine, I'll go. Just gimme that antedote and I'll—"

Ford closes the gap quicker than a lightning bolt, the jar already rolling on the floor and Stanford's mouth already crushed against hers, all hungry and desperate like he couldn't physically hold himself down anymore and their glasses knocking askew. He's nudging himself between her knees, his hands onto the fat on her hips, and shit, did he just moan? From just kissing her? Oh damn.

"Nevermind that. I think I have a better antedote," Ford says against her lips. "I'd like to test it out."

"Just fuck me already, Sixer, oh my God."

Stanford lights up, smiles like he won the damn lottery or fifty research grants or whatever. He dives right back in, kissing Stan, and sinking twelve nails into her hips as he drags them together. Stan groans, feeling the already hard tent go even harder against her, and her skin is on fire again, but this time melting the frigid parts of nerves into a liquid heat that's flowing directly down into her stomach, warming her up inside. Ford's hands move quick, from pushing the straps of her tank top down until she feels breeze touch her nipples to taking no sensitive measures to tugging and eventually ripping her boxers off her. Ford pulls away, and drags is mouth onto her neck then chest and Stan finally gets to put her hands on his shoulders, how big and strong he's gotten. One goes through his half greyed hair, and even when he was a teen she loved the dark, curly mop she'd pull into a noogie, but now it just makes him look better.

It makes her so mad, specially with what a grade A dick he's been. But she can't be that mad when Ford reaches her boob and takes a nipple into his mouth, nipping then sucking hard. "Shit—" Stan hisses, and there's nothing more to say than that.

"Fuck, Stan," Ford mutters against her skin, his breath tickling with the wetness on her nipple. "You drive me crazy."

"You're the one who fucked– ah– with Nymphs," She points out, and yeah maybe she could be a little jealous about that, but it dissapates when his fingers make their way into the warm, wetness of her pussy, just as special as Stan imagined it'd be. "Were– hh– they g-good lays, at least?"

"Not what I dealed with them for," Ford repeats, like that answers anything, and sinks loudly onto his chair, right between Stan's knees. His eyes drag down slowly on Stan, from her definitely fucked up hair, to half down tank top and tits hanging out, to right between her legs, and if Stan wasn't full on blushing then, well she sure was now. For a second it looks like he considers taking off his glasses, before deciding against it. Nerd.

Hooking the back of her knees over his shoulders, he smirks up at her again with that tear-her-apart stare again. "I doubt they'd ever taste this good."

Before Stan could respond to that, Ford's face goes between her thighs and his mouth is on her. If Stan thought she almost came earlier, then she's holding on for dear life when Ford's tongue laps at the outside before sinking deeper into her, sending shockwaves through out Stan. Moaning against her like he's the one getting head, like he's getting off from the taste of her on him alone. The flat of his tongue pushes against tight muscle, the heat almost pulsing, and making the wetness there grow more and more

Fuck, just Holy shit, how did he get this—

"Oh!" Stan gasps, one hand finding her own breast and the other on his desk, barely feeling the cold anymore with the clashing heat taking up her whole body, and all she can really feel is Ford's nose bumping against her bush when he only lets up for his teeth to graze against the nub of her clit while his fingers take over below. Stretching her out with his big, thick fingers, just so he could watch her like some pervy, old—

Then he sucks gently on it, and Stan is seeing white.

"Shit– Ford, I'm–"

"Just let it out, Stan," He says, still mostly against her. "You've been so good this whole time.

Thick thighs closing around Ford's head, that's what does her in. Of course it is. Her mind completely blanks out, turning to the white static on TV for a few moments until she realizes she's riding the rest of her orgasm on Ford's mouth at the end of it, while he laps it up like he'd die if he doesn't, like he's the cursed one.

Stan could barely register the murmurred whispers of her name and the movements of his arm from under the desk she's on until he's letting out a shuddering breath, forehead against her belly. Stan couldn't help the grin lighting up her face then.

Great, at least she's not the only one.

Just like that, the heat... doesn't really leave. Just wrapped around her cozily like the trenchcoat Ford threw over her when he finally stands up, only to drag Stan back on his lap. She's not getting used to that thirty years long honed strength anytime soon.

"Suppose I have a new more effective measures now," Ford says, lips finding Stan's, and she could taste herself on there, passed like a secret.

She's not getting used with this affection either, but Stan wants to see Ford try.

They stay a couple of moments there basking in this glow, until Stan peers up again, scratching the back of her neck when realization hits her.

"Hey, Sixer... you're the one cleaning that carpet upstairs, right?"

[lonigiri]

thinking about high sex with anton,,,,,,,,, (can i be 🎀 anon too?)

YSYSSYSYSYSYSY, i love smoking so this prompt really is for me 🤭. sorry i got a little excited. and ofc doll you can be 🫶🏻🫶🏻

anton would be so so so sensitive when hes high. at the slightest touch he jolts. and you, you forgot to tell him, but when you get high your sex drive is through the roof. you had invited your best friend anton over just to hang out. then you told him that you had bought a little bit of bud off of your friend the other day and you asked him if he wanted to smoke some with you. ant had never smoked before but he didnt want to look lame in front of you his crush so he obviously said yes. the first couple hits he took he was coughing, especially after you tought him how to inhale properly. he got high so quickly, and short after you were in the clouds as well. taking hits of the third joint you had rolled that night. you'd noticed how everytime you would touch anton in the slightest he'd jolt. and you also noticed how drenched your panties were, oh how he looked at you with his blown out pupils, droopy eyes. god you loved it, you were suprised how he hadnt caught onto you rubbing your thighs together at any chance you could.

you watched how his eyes would flick inbetween your face and the collar of your very low cut top. he had no shame in gawking, if you had even looked at him when he was sober he would get so red and frazzled. but now he was all confident, well confident was a strong word, he just didnt care about the consequences now. your hand making its way upto his chin lifting his face up. him slightly jolting at the contact and his face turning red. "tonnie' do you wan'a touch em' ?" you slurred, your speech messing up because of the high. his eyes widened at your question, and then him taking a deep breath before he nodded rapidly. "go ahead then." you smiled at him. he raised his hand a little bit, it shaking a lot. you laughed a little bit before grabbing his hand and placing it under your shirt over your bra. slightly whining at the touch, he flicked his thumb over your nipple. your head falling into his shoulder biting your lip. "tonnie' need your dick so bad. please can i ride you, need it." you whined into his shoulder. him nodding. "y..yeah need it too." he mumbled and you smiled.

his hand pulling out of your shirt as you quickly pulled off your shorts and panties and he pulled his pants and boxers out. his hard cock springing out of his pants hitting against the white t shirt he had on. he desperately pulled off your top and you undid your bra. letting your tits out of the thin bra. your hands tugging at his shirt desperately and he pulled it off. revealing the delicious figure hidden underneath. his cock long, standing tall against his abdomen, pre-cum leaking out of his swollen tip. you wrap your hand around him his cock was so thick that you couldnt even get your hand all the way around him. that would normally make him so much harder but he was way too focused on your breasts and the way they jiggled with every movement you made. you hovered over his cock and he held his hand on your hips helping you guide your way down. once he pushed into your walls there was so much stretch. more then what you were prepared for. "fuck tonnie! s' big, c..cant take it." you whined as your head fell into his shoulder. you werent even halfway down onto him yet and you were clenching around him so tight, god it took everything in him not to cum just from that. "c'mon baby, know you can take it, you got this." he said softly, encouraging you. you nodded slipping down his long cock more, he pushed you down. almost forcing you to bottom out on him. the tip of his cock hitting your cervix. god it felt so good. you started rocking your hips on his his cock hitting all the right places. you honestly didnt know how much longer you could hold on. your hands making their way upto his shoulders as he held your hips, helping you bounce on his cock. his tip hitting your cervix over and over again. you cried out "fuck fuck! ton! gonna cum, cant, cant hold it anymore." your head falling into his shoulder as he nodded agreeing with you. "me, me too, gotta cum inside you, is that okay baby, dont think you'd mind right?" "mhm ton need you inside, need to be full." you said tiredly, your energy depleting as you felt your end coming. just a couple more of antons lazy thrusts inside your cunt made you come undone. your cunt squeezing around anton, god he swore hes never felt this good ever (he hasnt) his cum shooting deep into your cunt. he caught your lips in his, sloppily kissing you.

[brofightiscancelled]

yapping about how i approached translating karamatsu's brand new world. just discussing the localization liberties i took and other things i think are interesting. i just love yapping sorry

part 1/4 because i forgot about tumblr post image limits lol

establishing my ethos: im still learning japanese but have been translating (chinese -> english) for over 7 years, so my translation skill is higher than my japanese skill. if there's anything i get wrong here pls point it out!!! i usually translate mostly songs, anime (donghua), and manga

The Title

japanese has multiple alphabets: 2 phonetic ones and 1 derived from chinese characters (kanji) that dont tell you anything about how they're pronounced

kanji characters have multiple pronunciations. for example, 心 can be pronounced "kokoro" or "shin" depending on the context it's used in.

"how do you know which kanji pronunciation to use" you guess. alternatively, media geared towards children (who have lower language skills) will sometimes spell out the right pronunciation above the kanji in little letters

sometimes people will just make up their own pronunciations for kanji for Style Points, in which case they will also spell out the intended pronunciation above the kanji

so this title actually reads "matsuno karamatsu's brand new morning". however the Style Points pronunciation guidelines indicated that this is pronounced "Brand New World". i deliberated over this for a while and ended up going with "brand new world" because the phonetic pronunciation is in english so i assume this would be the preferred title for an english localization. unfortunately this did lose the interesting double reading of "morning" and "world" but sometimes it just be like that.

Chapter 1

every time choro says something about the chopsticks in this first part, he's repeating the same thing each time: "Stop [pointing with your] chopsticks". but this 1. doesn't sound very natural in english, and 2. is too long to fit into these speech bubbles.

translations often have to take liberties due to the medium. in anime subtitles, they need to consider how fast a watcher can read the subtitles. in manga, it's often about how many words they can fit in a vertical text bubble.

the underlying impression is that choro is annoyed he even has to tell oso to stop pointing with his chopsticks (this is common sense, you're a grown ass man, why don't you know table manners, etc), so i tried to write it in a way like he's saying it short and snippy like an annoyed mom who has already reminded you 5000 times about this exact thing: Chopsticks.

oso calls totty "あざとい" here after hearing that he's trying out pancakes at a new cafe. as far as i can tell, this roughly translates to "cunning" or "sly" and is used to describe women kinda derogatorily, like a girl at the office who speaks harshly to the women but sweettalks to men (like tsunoda from aggretsuko).

i couldnt really think of a natural-sounding equivalent to this implication in english, so i settled on the kind of close "coquettish" to get across that oso is calling totty girly in a strange and insulting way. oso's dialogue here literally goes something like "sly.... you really are sly...", but since "coquettish" is kind of a weird word to use in english, i ended up localizing this around to suit my weird word choice to make it sound like oso was thinking for a second about the right word to call totty, which i also think comes off as a little more natural-sounding

japanese (and chinese) have a plural second-person pronoun, but english doesn't (besides y'all, which i did use in oso's dialogue earlier lol) which is a real headache and almost always needs some creative thinking to get sounding Normal. this was a relatively straightforward case: "how would a father address his sons as a collective?" -> "Boys"

CHAPTER 2

the dreaded jp onomatopoeia without an english equivalent. im lucky that these boys' whole gimmick is being from an old cartoon so i could get away with the very cartoony "honk" sound effect for "blowing one's nose".

the source material always translates イタい as "painful" so i do it too but i wish osmt had come out like just a few years later when "cringe" was in the common vernacular because it's a way better localization. in my opinion.

also a minor note: in the first bubble totty is actually repeating kara's words back at him "someone's? watching? me?", which is made clera by him using kara's self-pronoun (オレ) and not his own self-pronoun (ボク) (if you don't know about self-pronouns i will talk about them more in a future note). however this nuance is lost in english and could be misconstrued so i just went and made it so he's repeating back what kara said but not using the exact words

"頭おかし" does literally translate to "strange in the head" but colloquially just means "insane" or "crazy". but ichi is being really harsh to kara here, and kara does start questioning his mental sanity later in the chapter, so i went with a more harsh translation here that specifically references the head. also "YOU'RE INSANE" does unintentionally have a different meaning to most of us here on tumblr dot com, doesnt it lol

i dont know what the consensus is on giving iyami a french accent when localizing him. it's probably overkill to do both this AND keep the zansus. however i cant convey a mid-atlantic accent in writing so this is my next best way to convey that iyami talks very strangely. also it's funny

this panel was really hard to redraw. please clap

anyways same use of "strange" here as before with the head thing ("crazy") but it can also have the vibe of "abnormal". i thought "is something wrong with me?" helped convey both these meanings. come to think of it later in chapter 6 i translate okashi very literally as "strange". maybe i shouldve said "is something wrong with me" there, too....

CHAPTER 3

jyushi literally says "why do we do the olympics?" here. i localized it this way because it means essentially the same thing and is funnier. dats the art of translation babyyyyy

japanese personal pronouns quick rundown: in english we tell others to refer to us as different pronouns- him, her, they, etc., but we only have one pronoun to refer to ourselves with (I). japanese has many self-pronouns, and which one you use to describe yourself with is usually based around context and personality (some pronouns are more polite to use than others, some give off the connotation of being stuck-up or of being a country bumpkin, etc). this is helpful for characterization and also being able to tell who is talking through written dialogue

we aren't meant to know who this figure is at first, but we're also meant to have the clues to figure it out (if you were to investigate, you would find that f6 oso is the only one with full black gloves and knee high boots).

oso usually uses the masculine self-pronoun 俺, which is a rude and casual pronoun very fitting of the slacker eldest. however, f6 oso, a reliable and polite dreamboat, uses 僕, a polite and proper masculine pronoun (normal choro uses this pronoun). so this pronoun use masks the identity of this mysterious figure- but if you looked into it, you'd be able to see that this does link up to f6 oso. it's also possible the artist didnt know this and just went with 僕 to fit the fairytale prince vibe here though lol

i have no way to convey this in english so all of this is just lost nuance in translation. womp womp.

for the record these are the boys' personal pronouns:

oso: 俺 (ore can convey that he's rude, kanji alphabet can convey .... he's old-fashioned, possibly? shrugs?)

kara: オレ(ore can convey that he's full of himself, katakana alphabet can convey that he's [trying to be] stylish or loud)

choro:　僕 (boku can convey that he's polite, kanji can convey that he's proper)

ichi:　おれ (ore can convey a kinda casual-lazy vibe, hiragana alphabet can convey that he's soft-spoken kinda?)

jyushi:　ぼく (boku can convey that he's Just A Little Guy, hiragana alphabet can convey that he's childish)

totty:　ボク (boku can convey that he's Just A Little Guy, katakana alphabet can convey that he's [trying to be] stylish and modern)

CHAPTER 4

demonstration of localization for the medium: totty's dialogue here translates most literally to "What are you talking about?", but "talking" and "about" are pretty long words that are hard to fit into that skinny dialogue bubble. "the hell are you on about?" conveys the same thing, has shorter words that are nicer to fit into a bubble, and also shows a bit more personality (and i think is a little funnier).

this part ends here becaues i forogt about the tumblr post limit. i will continue in future posts

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4

[bogusbyron]

Notes from 24th august matinee. Sorry this is 2 weeks late ive been busy . Heres the cast to keep in mind when reading

Note: if you want examples of certain line deliveries let me know, ill send a snippet from the audio

1) as SOON as the lights came up i was RAKING the ensemble for harry lake  and there he was

2) jordan as tall and commanding in his presence as ever. Spoke "ticket" VERRRRRY fast. Strong "law" on Meaning of the law. Harsh "yes" , on Yes, 24601, and obviously on Javert when he tells Valjean his name. Also held onto the yellow slip which uhhhhh classic

3) Valjean harsh-growl on "lord" in "lord forgive them"

4) Harry lake was hangin out by the stairs in the parole scene. He was also the one to throw the bag at Valjean. Lmfao

5) understudy bishop again! As last time, quite stern rather than gentle like Adam Pearce

6) Valjean spitting "good" in Done a bit of good.

7) bishop harsh on "that is right", as well as Quite loud and harsh on "passion", then quiet on the next line

8) valjean sobbing when bishop hands him his bag back :-((

9) during valjean's soliloquy, slight pause for stolen time after "so far" in Fallen so far, growled "if theres another", entire "gave me a number and murdered valjean" was spoken. "Soul" in Touched my soul verrrry upset-like . Growled "hate" in Hate the world. He also wiped his face on "i'll be back". He was doing a lot of sniffling from this point in the song as well which i liked . Voice crack on "soul" on Touched my soul which i fw. Pause on Reaching like "Reach. Ing". Upset on "Reaching but I fall", and a VERY strong final note.

10) At the end of the day as per an absolute banger - tom hext is the MOST visible ensemble member during this number, its great . Harry was being elusive but I ended up spotting him with tom in the factory . On the topic of Tom, he apparently did the hugest bitchiest eye roll ever when fantine says "and i pay for the child, what's the matter with that?" Which is so funny

11) katie hall AS USUALLLL TEARING UP DA STAGE🗣🗣🗣 delectable performance , lovely little suspended pause on "Life...... worth living". More goosebumps than usual too ohmy god this song is so good live. Also some sobbing between "autumn came" and "still i dream" .... HOLY SCHMOLY what a voice

12) tom and harry were the 2nd and third dudes at the start of lovely ladies . Not important but it is to me . As usual harry gets his arse slapped after "take all year" as he stumbles offstage LMFAOOO

13) for some reason i thought the foreman and the pimp were played by the same guy , only realised they werent when they BOTH came onstage. For context they look identical . Long hair with a beard. How was i supposed to know

14) fantine stumbles a bit after belting "already dead" . Also lots of weeping again for the bambatabois sequence :-( (also like last time he was like a screaming toddler)

15) javert low on "monsieur" in Rest assured, Monsieur . Which i liked

16) HEARTBREAKING "no" as fantine reaches for javert and he steps away before "i have heard such protestations" UUGHHHH

17) YOUPIEE! Breaking: My Ship Touched Each Other. Valjean puts a hand on Javert's shoulder to hold him back from Fantine .

18) hm, gayest cart scene ive seen so far . First we got the classic extended bicep touch as they make eye contact ("a memory stirs"). Javert harsh delivery on "broke" in Broke his parole. Half spoken "Of course" in Of course he now denies it. Harsh on "he couldnt run forever". Back to the gay shit, he walks RIGHT up to valjean, then once theyre basically cock to cock he glances down at his tits, then back up in time to push his face into valjean's for "this time there is no mistake", making sure to spit that T in mistake. Im taking they were inches away from each other. Insane.

19) milan was kinda looking down for Who Am I and all i could think about were how good his brows looked from this angle . Only note i took for who am i , other than mentioning how javert took his cravat after he takes it off in the courtroom. You can hear on the audio i took me saying "he's gonna sniff that tonight"

20) katie hall as always unreal as mentioned but shes seriously so good during this scene, her notes are still so strong despite being also so convincingly frail, duuude. Insane. Her and milan are such a heartbreaking duo its FAB

21) confrontation SWEEP🗣 valjean's spoken "listen to me". Javert kinda snaps "you must" very suddenly which is hilarious . Additional note but jordan's figure works so well for the confrontation and javert in general, or at least the way i view him so is it any wonder im so fond of him . Dude's hench . Makes him all the more imposing in all of javert's layers and coats .. delectable. All that grunting and groaning during the fight though Also his mouth wipe after he gets strangled Helloooo get out. At this point i wrote "shit punch" cause valjean's last punch at the end of the scene kinda sucked .

22) i forgot the actress but little cosette is sooo sweet shes lovely bless. Castle on a cloud is underrated i love that song .

23) 6th time seeing the show, 2nd tjme seeing luke thenardier.😭😭😭😭😭😭 LMFAOOOO tom sweep anyway

24) i like that Tall Jean (aka Willy Wonka as jordan told me he's called) is clearly an important character cause they still have him even when Jordan isnr ensemble, same fit and everything just with a diff waistcoat. Like hey Fake Jean. If youre reading this and dont know who this is you're a fake fan.

25) i like luke's french accent on "best inkeeper in down" .. mix it up a bit.

26) the gentleman guest cackling like a madman when both thenardiers flash him at the start of the song LMFAOAO

27) tom plays the blind guy if you didnt know. Anyway harry like, crawls? Up the stairs at the back of the set and when he gets to the top hes faced with a woman lifting her skirt in front of him . He then proceeds to stand up and play bongos on her boobs.?? Then later Fake Jean passes him a drink so thats nice

28) thenardier shouting "window shut"

29) here i wrote "jordan should play all the roles" who cheered

30) UGGHHHH valjean taking cosette's hands when asking her name in the forest scene brugh

31) luke is great as thenardier but i prefer the way Tom does the "i will pay" gag , cause luke just sorta jolts awake but tom does a whole snort which works better cause it draws more attention WHATEVERRR.

32) thenardier puttinf his leg up on the table when hes trying to impress valjean?? 😭😭😭😭

33) dude how is this show gonna cope w/o Claire Machin when the cast changes shes seriously so good . When the thenardiers are stood together to the side after valjean sits down at the table she like keeps gesturing as if telling thenardier to speak properly which is so funny . (As a guy with a regional english accent this was #felt.). She also fixes his cravat and then he taps her nose which was fire. However luke did fuck up  and said "shared each bone" twice OOPS oh well. He makes up for it with his classic shoulder touch-clap-stamp instead of doing the christian cross

34) valjean as last time grabbing thenardier's lapels to intimidate him before he leaves LOL

35) Will as marius i noticed moves around a LOT . ADHD who

36) harry as one of the policemen  who accompany javert in The Robbery YAY❤

37) for javert's bit in the Robbery - harsh on "hunted", growled "jean valjean". YUM! Plus spitting "feet" at thenardier. Very strong for the whole thing in general which i love to see of course

38) STARS INFLECTION, unfortunately nothing too interesting to note - not a bad thing cause Jordan's voice is gorgeous it just makes for Boring note readingLOL. Anyway..... Harsh start ("there, out in the darkness"). Very toothy (snarling expression) which i love to see thankyou jordan. Smile on first "stars", little smile on "counted" on Scarce to be counted. Held out arms a bit on "darkness" in Filling the darkness, then soft on "and light" which was luurvely. Had his arms out from "place in the sky" to "and your aim". The 2nd crescendo was VERY strong.. just wow ... additionally , Jordan was pointin riiiight at us at the end and he was thrilled to hear this when we met him stage door LMFAOA

39) Looked like marius almost walked into a beam when he enters the stage after Stars.  He also does a little giggle when he leaves . That whole scene he did not stop moving , girl slow DOWN

40) fake Gérard - he has the halfmoon glasses but wore a red coat instead of the greyish-blue one

41) Marius is so hype to be in love its so good, like hes a boy who's read romances all his life and hes finally like , able to experience it himself. Its so good. Hes thrilled. Grantaire gives him a kiss on the cheek❤

42) When marius, on the stairs, opens his arms a bit when he sings "burst of light", grantaire does the same while watching him from the floor. So good

43) when the students all gather round to listen to enjolras, grantaire like, drags him away from the crowd LMFOAA at the start of do you hear the people sing

44) noticed harry picking up and spinning one of the women as he exits after dyhtps. Also at this point i wrote "too many fair-haired white boys in this damn musical"

45) Cosette did a little swoop up into a high note on "love" in Do people really fall in love so fast. I love phoebe's voice!

46) Marius VERY excited on "music OFANgels" which was funny. Soft, near whisper on following "in my life". He did a little spin on "that is new, that is free". Bro does not stop. Also he does a really nice accent i cant quite place properly but it works for his marius i think.

47) He LOBS the stone at the window as compared to the other two mariuses ive seen who just kinda ... toss it. Hes so awkward though. And here i wrote "he feels mature but in the coddled autistic boy way. I fw him" that about sums it up

48) amena soft on "dagger in me" which she usually doesnt do . Interesting !

49) also for some reason there was like too long a pause after heart full of love like nobody clapped. Lmfao?

50) claquesous being used as a step stool again by thenardier during the attack on rue plumet. Always hysterical

51) Didn't hold the final "somebody's here" which i dont think ive ever heard. Strange! But regardless. Will callan has quite a unique voice which i WAS fond of , i liked him a lot .

52) STILL NO JAVERT BAKER BOY FOR ONE DAY MORE👎 anyway he was harsh on "wet" in They will wet themselves with blood. So, yay!

ACT 2

53) baker boy. Cheered

54) milan's "bitch expression" as i referred to it returns when he reads Now that i knlw

55) there were so many minor backstage noises . Btw like urm someones in trouble lmfoaa

56) AMENA BLOWING ME AWAY AS USUALLLLL gooooosebumps . What a voice god shes awesome

57) loudhailer harsh on "you" and short on "this"  for You at the barricade listen to this

58) djavanjolras being taller than jordanvert will never not be funny. Hes the only one bruh

59) javert's smile just FALLING when gavroche shouts LIAR is so fucking funny

60) Will callan's voice was SOOOOOOO good for A Little Fall of Rain ohhmy god its like , gentle , smooth. Delectable. He hit that shit And the heartstrings, amen. Great combo of like, disbelief and almost defeat which was heartbreaking okhhhmy gah.

61) Grantaire stopping enjolras from going to Marius after eponine dies

62) grantaire sits down and talks to javert after javert is brought out to sit on the bench which i think is hilarious . Like they were just chatting

63) valjean's gun didnt go off when he shoots the sniper in the first attack😭😭😭😭

64) javert harsh on "upside-down" in The world is upside-down

65) BARRICADE SCEEEEEENE we were fed. Javert shoved to his knees. Pause "between once a thief. Forever a thief." Harsh, growl on "if you let me go beware, you'll still answer to javert". Lapel grab AS PERRRRRR but thistime javert was struggling a bit and kept jerking away to break free . He put his hand on his chest when valjean let go. He took a couple steps towards valjean before he says "go" which was CRAZY

66) the "pretty girls" line in Drink With Me was harry 😁😁

67) grantaire and gavroche's hug after grantaires verse is always fire

68) milan very soft on all the "him"s during bring him home. VERY strong on the crescendo though as usual .. wowzers

69) 2nd attack - grantaire kinda collapses onto a barrel instead of fighting, facing the audience the whole time. After gavroche's death when he takes his body hes sniffling the whole time WHATEVERRR RR BRUH

70) enjoltaire was fed too . Hug and forehead touch before the final attack .

71) HIGHLY inconvenient death pose for grantaire . Kinda sat on the barricade and his coat mustve caught as he slid down cause itbwas basically halfway off up his arms as he kinda hung from a plank or something LMFOAAOAO

72) javert looking genuinely quite distressed over gavroche's body which is crazy  mane fuck off jordan with your expressions

73) thenardier playing with the body's arm kinda shaking it after first verse of Dog Eat Dog. Harsh on "kill" in Where they kill for the bones in the street. Where tomarsier steps on marius' arse like a stool  during the song's climax luke steps over him instead

74) Javert heavy breathing when he sees Valjean in the sewers . Harsh on "talks of justice". More heavy breathing before the soliloquy. Also put his gun down and clenches his fist on "take him, valjean"

75) as with stars, inflection was typical so nothing to note. jordan's expressions were EVERYWHEEEERE during the soliloquy and i love it . Eyes bulge and eyebrows up on "flick of his knife", which was delightfully harsh. Almost worried on "vengence was his". Harsh on "debt" in debt of a thief, almost shout on "damned" in damned if i yield. Arms out on "i am the law". Harsh on "valjean" and "or" but sings "Javert". 2nd verse hes CLUTCHING that parapet  which was crazyyyy this man is going mental for SURE. Desperate "to hold dominion" and "it was his right". Growled "can this man". VERY strong "reprieved" by the way, holy shit. Desperate as usual on "and must i now begin to doubt". Points to the sky on "heaven" In is he from heaven or from hell. Yells "killed me" in This man has killed me. Shaky, almost sobbing breaths as he steps onto the bridge. Growls "jean valjean". Additional note, i noticed it looked as if he was muttering to himself a little towards the end before the lights fade to black . Which like , mane fuck of whagever bro

76) Very nice limp on Marius. Weird comment i just liked it. Thank god  post barricade marius limp

77) Quick start on "theres a grief". Small, humourless laugh after "talked of revolution". Held "tomorrow" in Tomorrow never came for a bit longer than usual. He hit that shit on the first crescendo though HOLY moly, what a voice . Harsh on "faces" and "shadows", VERY angry on "don't ask me", and remains harsh on "what your sacrifice was for".

78) He Does wipe his tears! (Cosette entrance). (Bonus note from mossy hi: marius tries to sit down, cosette attempts to help him but he refuses and struggles to continue instead) Also for thst whole scene he was kinda facing away from cosette with a very upset expression which made me ughhhhhh:-((((. Seemed better when he looked back at cosette though YAY

79) valjean kinda hunched as he walks off after the confession. Tiny inconsequential note but i liked it

80) i love watching the ensemble for this scene SO much its so good . Tom hext with his wild hair gelled back is great, obviously And apparently was staring at thenardier's arse for most of it . Generally just a fun watch the whole scene i highly recommend

81) marius pulls thenardier by the shoulder when he tells him to go away lmfao. Also there was a dude in the back clapping when he punched thenardier and is like "whaat?" when nobody else claps with him LMFAO

82) Luke does his usual coy wave @ the lord at the start of beggars at the feast

83) i really recommend looking at everyone dancing offstage at the end of beggars - harry did a little hip wiggle dance . A few do variations of a conga line dance . Djavan"s servant character usually kicks his legs up as he wheels the table offstage . SO much fun (additional nlte: djavan's character in that scene in my top 3 ensemble characters)

84) gentle yet gorgeous climb from milan for the Epilogue . Nods on "Bring. Me. Home" URGHHHHHHH....... AND he rests his face in cosette's hair and doesnt move until "i'll obey". Nods at cosette on "i will try" who nods back. MANE FJCK OFF

85) very cozy hug between valjean and the bishop . Faces in shoulders and everything . AS USUAL HARMONY ATTHE END INSAAAAANE they are, as i wrote on my notebook, nut-busting

[rattycattyfanfic]

missing saw iii scene where lynn asks about the rosary on amanda's belt 👁️👁️👁️👁️

im so sorry this took so long omg. well. ok anyway have this now after like 6 months ;-; thank you so much for the prompt oomf!! <3<3

this is set slightly after the game as i couldnt figure out where to fit it into saw iii canon??

rated: T words: 3,377 cw: religious talk, possible blasphemy?, mentions of scars, substance abuse

Lynn returns to the scene of the crime like a ghost, finds herself in a cab towards the edge of town before she knows what she’s doing. She pulls her coat tighter around her as she gets out, smooths out non-existent creases, and shoves a fistful of bills into the driver’s hand before he can ask any questions and before she can come to her senses. 

It looks different in the daylight, in the harsh hot sun, but when she steps inside it’s as if she’s stepped right back into that fateful night. It’s dingy, a little damp, just as she remembers it. The only difference is a few strings of gaudy police tape leftover from the investigation gone cold, sticking out like party streamers amongst the grime. Lynn’s healed stomach wound itches like it hasn’t in weeks. She sticks her fingers inside her coat, between the buttons of her shirt, and digs her nails into gnarled scar tissue.

Amanda returns to the scene of the crime too, like a stray returning home, like a hyena sniffing for leftovers. Her hunched, hooded form gives Lynn pause, just for a second. She thinks about turning and leaving, suddenly feeling wide awake and stupid. The girl’s shoulders shake, or it seems like it from such a distance, the workshop stretching out between them, her shape fuzzy through those filthy plastic curtains.

She should go. 

She reaches deep into her pocket and pops a valium, and steps forward as quietly as she can.

Just as Lynn has been coming unwound the last few long months, fixating on details, reliving and re-reliving, Amanda also seems to be coming apart. She doesn’t move at all as Lynn approaches, seemingly stuck in place, lost in her head. Maybe her instincts have been dulled by grief or maybe she simply doesn’t care, doesn’t care to turn and look or jump to defensiveness as she would have that night. It works out better for Lynn, at least, but she can’t help but feel a little hollow at the thought of Amanda ghosting aimlessly for the last three months.

Lynn pushes through plastic and stops a boot-length away from the girl’s shoulder.

“You’re stuck too, huh,” Amanda murmurs without turning or looking. Her fingers worry the edge of the stripped and stained hospital mattress, head hung low. Lynn doesn’t know how Amanda could tell it was her. Maybe she’d spent so long stalking her prey that she knows by heart the resonance of her footsteps. Maybe she knows no one else would bother to come looking for her or come back to this tomb of a building. 

“Yeah,” Lynn says simply. She waits, curious to see how this will play out. She’d moved so slowly through the warehouse that her chemical crutch is beginning to kick in, and she can’t find it in herself to be scared, or angry, or anything more than sickly fascinated. She waits with bated breath for something to happen.

Amanda scoffs, a bitter, wet little thing. She scuffs her boot against the tile floor, kicks absently at the foot of the bed. “He should’ve let me kill you when I had the chance,” she grunts, and a shudder shakes her tiny frame. 

Lynn knows better than to ask for clarification. He is the reason they’ve both trailed back here, pathetically searching for answers or absolution or something, anything. “Maybe,” she murmurs passively. 

The girl spins in one quick move, her faded hoodie sweeping around her. She shakes the hood away, and her hair is greasy and wild. “Maybe?” she chokes, disbelieving. It’s not as sharp as it should maybe have sounded, and the wind goes out of Amanda’s sails. Her eyes are wet, raw, and she looks incredibly tired. “What, is that it? You came back here hoping I’d finish the job? Is the gift of your life really that bad?”

Lynn is unflinching. “I don’t know why I came back here,” she says. “I honestly couldn’t tell you.”

Another scoff. Amanda drags her hands over her pink cheeks, combs restlessly through her hair, all her movements speaking to something frustrated and lost and deeply, deeply exhausted. “Great, great. Real fuckin’ smart, doc.” She spins, rubs her face again with nails this time, and then her sleeve, and then turns back to Lynn. Pink lines streak down her cheek, raised claw marks layered on top of her frustrated flush. Her lip curls, and she sighs, only half committed to defensive snarling. “Well, you better figure it out quick, or fucking leave. I’m not in the mood for company.”

And then she settles again at the side of the bed, half-turned away from Lynn. Her hair curtains her face, but her fingers give her away, antsy still as they poke holes in the soiled mattress. She fingers the stuffing and sniffles every now and then, and Lynn is still no closer to understanding anything at all. 

Words spill out of her mouth before she can think better and swallow them. “Have you been here the whole time? Living here?”

Amanda shrugs once. She’s quiet, and Lynn thinks she’s maybe outstayed her welcome already, that she won’t answer. “Been here. Around,” she grunts. She sniffs again, and shudders a breath. “H-he had safe houses. Just in case. Only a couple haven’t been compromised yet.” 

Safe houses, compromised. Lynn is reminded that this is so much bigger than them, a wild goose chase of cops and accomplices straight out of a shitty late night crime show. She feels small, her and her sleepless nights and little orange pill bottles, just a small piece of a sprawling web of pain. “The cops aren’t looking for you?” Lynn asks, and wanders a little. She finds herself at the edge of the room instinctively, back pressed against dirty tile. 

“I’m careful,” the girl mutters. “It’s not hard to disappear, really. Not if you know how.” She digs her fingers into a red-brown hole and toys with a strand of stained stuffing, and then turns to eye Lynn cautiously, still picking. 

“Right.” Lynn thinks she knows, but probably not better than Amanda. She remembers pleading with Jeff, in this very room, in a lawyer’s office, wishing to be heard and doubting she’s even speaking at all. It’s not a problem she can easily fit with what she knows of Amanda, barking and looming as she had that night, but – maybe. No fixed address, almost no material belongings, and the scars on her arms visible even in this low light speak to an unsettling ghostliness, like she might suddenly vanish before Lynn’s very eyes. Her figure wobbles as Lynn ponders this, and she sucks in a steadying breath and slides to the floor, one palm pressed against the wall. 

Her hand slides against something dry and crumbly, and she quickly pulls back into herself. She places her palm on her knee instead, places her forehead on the back of her hand, wills herself to get it the fuck together. She used to be good at that, before exams, before surgeries. She’s out of practice now.

When she looks up again after god knows how long, Amanda is staring at her with a peculiar expression, like she’s something to figure out. She’s chewing her lip, something curious in her eyes – not unkind, but not exactly sympathetic either. “You didn’t learn anything,” she states. It’s not a question.

Lynn barks a short laugh, humourless and harsh. It feels too loud. She feels insane, out of place. Colours swim and pop in her vision from where she’d pressed her hands against her eyes. The diazepam wraps around her like cotton and she feels like maybe this is just some kind of bizarre trauma dream, the work of her brain trying to process any other potential outcome for that night.

“Neither did I,” Amanda whispers, and slowly folds herself down onto the floor by the bed, knees pulled up to her chin, mirroring Lynn. “I — I thought I did, I thought–” She sobs drily and rubs her face against the sleeves of her hood again. She stills, staring at Lynn with hollow eyes and newly wet cheeks. Seemingly never able to be still, her fingers start to toy with something attached to her belt in lieu of the mattress. “He helped me.”

It rings hollow as she says it, like a mantra that’s been repeated too many times to the point of emptiness.

“You were in a trap too,” Lynn realises, too late, too slow. The pieces begin to all fit together slowly, and she begins to understand – this scarred, volatile girl scrabbling for a place to belong, for someone to fix her. Lynn stares harder despite her swimming vision, and thinks she sees faint scars at the very corner of red lips, faded silver but raised just enough to be visible. You’d be surprised what tools can save a life. 

Piece by piece, she thinks she might be able to understand, almost. 

“Catch up,” the girl scoffs, and pulls at the thing attached to her belt in an antsy motion. The almost wooden sounding clicking of – beads? – gets under Lynn’s skin, but maybe it’s supposed to. Or maybe Amanda doesn’t even know she’s doing it. She huffs raggedly, and pauses for a moment to wipe at her cheeks again. “I thought he helped me. I thought he could help you too.” She sniffs angrily. “Look at the fuckin’ state of us.” 

Lynn is quiet. She watches as this strange girl in front of her breathes wetly and stares at her knees, and then at whatever she’s fucking around with. Her hair falls into her face prettily, and her nose is red. That strange click-clacking sound continues as Amanda fiddles anxiously, and Lynn can’t hear herself think over the noise, can’t think of anything to say. 

“What is that?” she asks abruptly. 

“Huh?” Amanda glances up sharply. The sound stops for a second.

“That – whatever you’re fucking with right now,” Lynn bites.

Amanda blinks. “Hu– oh.” She looks down for a moment and worries her lip. She entwines the thing around her fingers and lifts them up slightly, just enough for Lynn to see it above the shape of knees. 

It’s – a string of wooden beads. Lynn thinks she can squint the shape of a small silver cross somewhere in the middle of the string, and furrows her brows. “I didn’t take you for the religious type.”

“I’m not,” Amanda snaps. “I think it’s all a stupid crock of shit.” She rubs her thumb tenderly over one bead as she says it. 

Lynn stares pointedly at the rosary, and saves her breath. 

“Just – don’t. Whatever you’re about to say, don’t,” Amanda grits out. She breathes shakily, and takes the rosary in both hands, laying it across her lap and fingering each bead gently, methodically between trembling fingers. She takes another breath, slower and deeper, as if centering herself. It doesn’t seem to help, and she goes back to click-clacking instead. “When he was – I tried everything, at the end. Every pill, every therapy. Nothing helped, really,” the girl murmurs, quiet and unnervingly vulnerable. 

Lynn nods. She thinks she knows where this is heading – she’s seen it for herself, in the hospital, the sheer desperation of loved ones – but she stays quiet anyway, waits for the words to tumble from Amanda’s mouth, loathe to interrupt this unexpected moment of sharing. 

“I never read as much as I did when I was with him. Homeopathy, philosophy, theology. Fucking medical dictionaries,” Amanda continues. She glances up sharply, meets Lynn’s eye for half a second. “I’m not as stupid as people wanna think.”

“I know,” Lynn murmurs. “First hand,” she adds wryly, and thinks about the horrifyingly expert attempts of manipulation she’d seen her first time meeting the girl. “Go on?”

Amanda’s lips pull into half a smirk, and then she shudders, sucks in a trembling breath. “I read everything. I tried everything. At the end – what harm was it gonna do? He was already half-dead.” Her voice cracks, and a dozen expressions flicker across her face in a moment. “Well – whatever. It didn’t help. It didn’t save him, or me. At least now I know for sure it’s all bullshit.” She stares down at the rosary in her palms for a long moment, considering. “I thought I could save him, if I believed in it hard enough. I thought I could help him like he helped me. Fucking stupid.”

“He didn’t help you, Amanda.” Lynn picks her words carefully, and still kicks herself. “And it’s not stupid,” she murmurs gently, sugar after a harsh pill. “I’ve seen it dozens of times at the hospital. It’s human.” 

Amanda blinks again, and seems dumb-founded by the ounce of human kindness that Lynn manages. She stares at Lynn with huge, dark eyes, emotions unreadable. “I really thought he did,” she mumbles, ignoring the proffered syrupy words entirely. “I thought that – Now I don’t know what to think.” She tangles the rosary up in itself absent-mindedly. It knots around her fingers, loops messily, and Amanda says in a small voice, “I don’t know what to do with myself.” 

“I don’t know, Amanda. I don’t know the answer to that either.”

Amanda’s glassy eyes refocus, and she stares at Lynn with furrowed brows. She glances down at the knotted beads, and begins to attempt to untangle them to no avail. “You’re a real fucking help, doc,” she grumbles. 

Lynn huffs in frustration, and squeezes the bridge of her nose. Talking to Amanda like this is giving her a headache. She almost wishes they were scrapping again. At least that was straightforward, predictable, rather than this back and forth, up and down. “You think I have the answers? If it’s any consolation, I came here for – I don’t know what, but I’m only more lost,” she grits out between her teeth.

“Well. I can still always kill you,” the girl chirps. Her voice is deceptively light. She has the rosary wrapped and stretched around her fingers so hard that her fingertips are turning white. She flashes a dangerous, empty grin and pulls at the beads harder. “That offer’s still on the table.” 

“Thanks so much,” Lynn says flatly. “I’ll let you know if it comes to that.” 

Amanda opens her mouth to say something. She flinches and pauses whatever smart-ass retort she has queued up when the string abruptly snaps between her fingers. Wooden beads scatter across tile, and the girl stares in shock as they bounce every which way. She clutches the snapped and now empty string. “Shit–”

Lynn watches one bead roll across the floor and stop at her feet. She glances up at Amanda, who looks like she might be about to cry again. “Feel better?” she asks, cautious.

Amanda stares at the bead at Lynn’s feet, and then at the string. “No,” she whispers. “Fuck, I– I need that,” she garbles, and lurches forward to try and gather the beads up. “I need those–” she repeats hoarsely, and looks crazed, scrabbling around on the floor. 

Something tugs at Lynn as she watches for a moment, anxious movements and the girl hunched over on the tiles, hands shaking, playful sarcasm gone. She moves forward before she has time to think, and places her hands over Amanda’s trembling ones. “Amanda.”

The girl glances up, startled. She blinks owlishly. She doesn’t, to her credit, pull away from the unexpected touch.

“Stop. He’s gone,” Lynn murmurs. 

Amanda stares, blinks down at the beads surrounding them, and then back at Lynn. Her frame shakes, and she looks about ready to spin out, as if one little piece of string had been all that had held her delusions together up until now. 

“He’s gone. You don’t need them,” Lynn says, low and quiet, as soothing as she can possibly manage. “You said yourself, they didn’t help. None of it helped. He’s dead, it’s over, and there’s nothing those can do about it.” 

Amanda trembles, and then full-body shudders, bowing her head. She makes a horrible sobbing sound, and then nods. “I – yeah. Yeah.” 

“Yeah,” Lynn repeats, and nods, even though Amanda isn’t looking at her anymore. She squeezes cold hands tightly in hers, tight enough that she might worry about hurting her, if they were both different people. She lets the moment breathe, waits and squeezes and stays quiet and still as Amanda seems to try to get herself together, curled over on the floor. It feels familiar, like Amanda hunched and sobbing after John’s seizure, and yet somehow altogether odd.

Finally, the girl sniffs wetly, unpleasantly. She ducks her head, curls her spine to press her wet face to the arms of her hoodie again and wipe away tears harder than necessary. She lets out one tiny, agonised whimper, and then sits back on her haunches and snatches her hands from beneath Lynn’s, tucking them safely back up into her sleeves. 

“Ok?” Lynn asks lowly. 

Amanda shivers, but doesn’t make another move for the beads, or for Lynn. She straightens her back. “Fine. Fucking fine.” 

It’s not very convincing, but Lynn is about at her limit with the touchy-feely stuff that doesn’t come natural to her, and she suspects Amanda is too. She won’t push it. She sits back against the wall again and picks at a loose string on her pants. “Right.”

The girl jerks her head in a nod. She sweeps her sleeves over her cheeks once more, and then she shakes her head. “Bonding time’s over,” she grunts, and stands up, brushing off her pants. She wobbles a little, but stays rigid and upright, and gruffly kicks a few beads Lynn’s way. “Time to go home.”

Lynn watches the girl for a moment, and nods. “Sure, whatever. Good talk,” she says flatly, and gets to her feet, stomping away some pins and needles. Amanda doesn’t look at her or respond, just shoves her hands defensively into her pockets and sweeps through the plastic sheeting as fast as she can without actually fleeing. Lynn follows, a few paces behind, wary but somewhat relieved as they leave the tomb of the meat plant. 

They step back out into blinding sun and heat rising off concrete in funny waves, and it occurs to Lynn that: one, she has never seen Amanda in the sunlight before, and two, Amanda is leaving the plant. She is going somewhere. “Where are you going to go?” Lynn reluctantly asks, shielding her eyes from the sun in the warehouse yard. It’s not that she cares, really – more that if Amanda is going to be hanging around the city, Lynn would like to be aware of it, maybe have an inkling of whether to expect to have another altercation.

Amanda jumps, as if she’d forgotten that Lynn was there at all. There’s that lack of care, again, that Lynn finds mildly concerning. The girl shrugs nonchalantly, and produces a pair of black sunglasses from her pocket. They look fucking ridiculous, and don’t make her look any less conspicuous, but Lynn supposes they do at least make her a little more anonymous. In this light, her face is bright and pale, like an overexposed photo. The scars at the corners of her mouth are barely visible. Dressed like this, she could be almost anyone, could fade into a crowd like a ghost. The thought makes Lynn shudder. 

“See where I end up, I guess,” Amanda chirps, laying on the false bravado once more. “Wouldn’t wanna tell you, anyway. You might hand me in.” She grins, and looks insane, with her hood and sunglasses and generally dishevelled appearance. 

“If I was going to call the police, don’t you think I would have done it by now?” Lynn sighs. 

Amanda shrugs again. “I don’t know. You’re an enigma.” She smirks a little, almost lecherous, and then furrows her brow. “Anyway. This has been fun. Let’s not do it again sometime, ok?” And with one more unsettling grin, she heads off in a random direction, as if she knows where she’s going or where she’ll end up. Lynn is left standing outside a derelict crime scene, scratching her scarred belly through her coat and trying to remember the taxi rank phone number.

AO3

[w31ghtl0ss]

— Girlyy i heard that st4r^¡ng yourself can slow your metabolism (and when you eat the food turns to fat very quickly) sooo how exactly does it work. I’ve had @n@ for 2 years btw and i still question how tf does the body works sometimes…

— Btw how do yall fast? Cuz I js drink 8 of glasses water, I literally raw dog this d¡$0rd3r. I can’t standdd no sugar sodas they taste awful and are even worse than sugar sodas, no gums cuz the sugar in the gums can raise my glucose levels that leads to f@t, no fruit snacks cuz once i start to eat i can’t stop and start binging cuz my logic is, “as long as it’s healthy nothings wrong” but that clearly isn’t true cuz i tend to overdo it, no w33d, no cr@<k, no v@pe. Nothing.

— Anyways I managed to put on a tiny bit weight and i have 3 weeks to drop it ALL off, so we (me) gonna st4rv3 or water fast for the first 2 and do the ‘IU diet’ for the last week🩷

aaahh!! omg yes st@rv!ng can totally slow ur metabolism, but dont worry!! a great way to help with that is to very slowly decrease your c@lor!e limit + sometimes people like to set aside one day a week, sometimes every other week or twice a week (wtv u pref!), and do a metab0lism day, which is where you eat a significantly higher or lower amount of c@lories to “confuse” your body and potentially boost your metab0lism. Id also recommend fasting intermittently rather than for super long periods of time to keep your body from going into “survival mode” and slowing your metab0lism down a ton! basically keep those c@lor!es fluctuating and it should help!

alsoo working out and moving around a lot to burn c@ls and build up some muscle can help too! (but if that isnt your bag, go on walks! i hatee working out so i walk all the time)

also dude we r such twins omg ive had 4n4 for 2 years too! (i gave up for a while which is why it looks like i havent made much progress ;p )

and ohmygosh u will not believee how long it took me to figure out fasting- i swear for the longest time i couldnt go half a day without b!ng!ng like crazy!! and i totallyy feel u with the zero c@l sodas, they really arent the best . :( they taste almost bitter to me sometimes??

anyway, i usually start a fast before bed or in the middle of the night, just so in the morning it looks like ive already made progress and have less desire to quit so easily! and i know everyone says this and its super annoying to hear all the time but seriously, STAY HYDRATED!! if youre like me, water does not get rid of your desire to eat like everyone says :(( but when you arent eating, you dont get the extra h2o in your food which can dehydrate you without you even realizing!

for some reason gum just makes me more hungry?? so i avoid gum too, plus i dont have even super low c@l stuff during a fast because that makes me crave more!! i always have to remind myself that i am allowed to say no to food! when i am offered food i always tell myself to say no initially, just to make a habit out of it, even if i end up eating something later. starting with smaller fasting times and working your way up is something i did in the beginning, and it kind of worked! then i rewarded myself with something after, but i stopped craving things by then because i felt so accomplished!

i started with 10-13, then 15-16, and then 18-20, until 24+ and just kept trying! i wouldnt get angry if i broke the fast early, i would just wait a few hours and try again until it was practically a habit! i know sometimes it feels unachievable but it really does happen! i know i felt like i was missing something because i kept failing, but once i was able to get past 30 hours without feeling anything, it was like breathing!

if you want some more tips on fasting ill list them below, but i feel bad making you read so much! so, if you think you’ve already read enough of my yapping you can just end here, lol!!

-june ;]

more fasting tips below the cut 👇(its a lot 😥😥)

(sorry if i didnt make a ton of sense lolz xp)

-Break a fast by eating raw fruits and veggies the first five-seven days after your fast. Go back to solids slowly.

-Do not b!nge or overeat after the fast (or during!). Try to discover the amount of food your body really needs.

-Meditate, go for a walk, take lots of naps, journal, listen to music, take long, warm bathes and relax. This is your time for healing, losing weight and gaining self-control!

-Try to get plenty of sleep. And if you can't stand your stomach growling the first few days, and are tired of downing the h2o, take a nap... listen to some soothing music and drift off.

-Get a massage. If you can afford it, or have your partner or a close friend give you a good rub down or deep tissue massage. This really soothes muscles and makes you calm and sleepy. It helps when you're having trouble sleeping due to hunger during your fast. Plus, it awakens your body, pushes the blood around, etc.

-You may feel weak during your fast so if this is the case, be careful of black outs and don't exercise until you've finished the fast... Stick to stretching, light walking and deep breathing.

-If you suffer from diabetes, hypoglycemia or other similar conditions, please be very, very careful fasting. I'd say don't fast at all but if you feel you can do it safely, you may need a slice of avocado or a banana... You could also add protein powder to your juices.

-Sometimes during a fast, the person will experience back pain. If so, a cold pack will help.

-If you are just too tired on your water fast, go to a juice fast and if you are already juicing, drink more carrot and melon juices for energy.

-Water fasts are always the hardest but fastest for weight loss and detox.

-Juice fast is next best and somewhat easier, especially for first time fasters.

-You'll lose pounds faster if you have a fast metabolism and slower if you have a slower metabolism. On average, fasts allow you to lose 1-2 lbs per day. Some experience more around 3-5 lbs per day. You'll lose the most and the quickest during the beginning of your fast.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!

Pleasee be safe and research more on your own if you plan on doing suuper long fasts, i am not a health specialist or anything like that, so if you have any kind of advice or anything i missed, please correct me so i dont give anyone false information! everyone is different and its important to know your body, i want everyone to be able to achieve their goals in the safest way possible, even if your goal isnt a healthy weight, i want u to be okay :))

lots of love!!!

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi, im a mutual of yours who is too shy/on&off tumblr to interact, but i do look up to you; and your blog and way of seeing things helped me in the past when i was struggling quite a bit.

Lately I feel as if im lost in life, lost my passions and floating aimlessly without a real goal, detached from the future etc. Do you have any advice? I appreciate ur view on things, hope this isnt overstepping 🌦🌈

hi its ok no pressure too interact w me ona personal level just cus were mutuals i enjoy the ambient bonds that can form on this website its why i stay ^^ and no it's not overstepping at a;ll sorry it took me a lil while to respond i was trying to think of good advice since i often feel lost too---

well firs t n foremost to give credit where credit is due, this bjork reddit AMA response really gets to the bottom of it , ever since i first read this here on tumbr a few years ago it really rly stuck w me:

the way this answer helped me is like, it helped me realize i dont need to be so regimented i dont need to put all this pressure on myself to create..All that does is feed into self inflicted guilt when i cant live up to my own expectations u.u you see for my whole life i've never been able to plan anything. yes i can think about the next steps i want to take, i can assemble a plan, i can see the logical way forward, but my moods. or like, idek. how to explain..

i cant force anything. if im not feeling it, i cant force it. ive STRUGGLED w this like i dont wanna be this way. because my feelings i cant predict. like for example i worked on music all winter because thats what i was feeling. then suddenly in march i just like, wasnt feeling it all of a sudden. As soon as it hit me i was like Fy767*T&UG*** because i didnt know when it was gonna come back. i still dont know!! im just trying to be patient waiting it out..in the mean time i have suddenly become enthused with drawing again after not ~feeling~ drawing for most of 2023. sometimes i go for weeks where i dont take a single photo and then suddenly it starts flowing again.. my website was also left untouched for most of 2023 until recently.

thats just one example of this repeating pattern in my life that i didnt understand for so long. theres years of my 20s where i couldnt feel passion for anything at all, looking back now i believe those times i was meant to be focusing on stuff in my psyche that needed healing to clear out some headspace for art. and this bjork quote put a lot into perspective it showed me how to reformulate my thinking to be more accomodating to my disposition. when i'm patient & kind w myself, take each day as it comes, let go of the imaginary pressure, let go of "the future", stuff starts to come thru easier.

and maube its gonna show up in ways you dont expect but its true that the mundane world offers so many ways to practice being creative & giving u stuff to weave into the art u want to create.. every water fall starts w a single drop its trueits true :] thats my advice i spose i really didnt meant to write this much but im boooored.. actually my nighttime boredom writing is one of those habits i never considered to b creative until very recently. there's so many small & automatic things we do that can lead to a meaningful life & purpose.

thanks for the question anon i hope this helps in some way , this is whats helped me but everyone's process is different. and i still have moments where im like WTFFF is happening but its easier to ride it out now. i wish the same for you just give it time <3 thanks again xPmd9

[hannieehaee]

Heyyy!! Could you do a seventeen reaction to the reader saying another member's name while sleeping? 🙃 Btw, I really like your writing!! ❣

you saying another member's name in your sleep

wc: 1027

a/n: thank u sm for requesting <3 sorry i took so long with this T-T

masterlist

seungcheol -

this man is possessive as shit. he'd immediately wake you up and whine at dokyeom's name leaving your lips. you were most vulnerable when you were asleep, right? so why were you saying another man's name?? he wouldnt accuse you of anything, but he'd be pouty and genuinely a little upset that he's not the only man on your mind 24/7. you'd have to comfort and reassure him for a good hour as soon as you woke up.

jeonghan -

he loves his members more than anything, so any interaction between you and them made his heart melt. if you were asleep next to him and happened to say chan's name, he'd probably lightheartedly curse chan out next time he saw him. but when it came to you he'd do nothing further than tease you about it a little bit when you woke up, asking you if you had a lil crush on him or something.

joshua -

he'd tilt his head to the side the way confused puppies do. why were you saying jeonghan's name while lying in his arms? he wouldn't be offended by this, but just very confused. jeonghan? really? well, he couldnt really blame you. he'd think about doing it back to you but would decide against it upon taking another look at your curled up form against him. he'd have to take this up with jeonghan.

jun -

he probably wouldn't think too much of it. when he heard you say wonwoo's name, he'd probably let out a quiet 'oh?' and try to check if you were really asleep. he'd be confused as to why you were even thinking of wonwoo and would ask you about it the next morning. he's a little silly sometimes so he'd probably accidentally bring up the incident in front of the boys, rendering you extremely embarrassed.

soonyoung -

he'd find it so funny, giggling every time you repeated vernon's name. he wouldnt even think about the fact that you were saying someone else's name, he'd just find it funny that you were talking in your sleep without realizing it. he'd feel like he was being let in on a secret. he'd also bring it up one day as a 'fun' anecdote next time you and him hung out with the members, not realizing how embarrassing itd be for you to look at vernon in the eye after that.

wonwoo -

he'd lift his head up from his game at the sound of your voice, not knowing you were asleep and asking if you called him. he'd get no response, so he'd go check on you up close, only to realize you were asleep. when you'd unknowingly repeat yourself and mumbled a quiet 'kwannie', he'd be confused at the mention of his friend. he's not a jealous man, but this would unconsciously get him to turn off his game and hold you to sleep, wanting himself to be the only man in your subconscious.

jihoon -

you kept mumbling over and over while you slept. he ignored it at first, not understanding what you were saying, until the three syllables caught his attention, causing him to flip his chair around to face you. did you just say joshua? but the sight would make him too endeared to complain. you were curled up on his couch, having fallen asleep as you waited for him to finish working, insisting on staying with him. okay, it's fine if you dreamt of other men as long as you liked him the most.

dokyeom -

he had the tendency of talking in his sleep, often saying nonsensical stuff that didn't hold any meaning. so when he heard you say jun's name in your sleep, he decided to not let himself be bothered by it and just nudge you awake. he'd ask you what you were dreaming about, to which you'd respond a sleepy 'you', not even processing his question, making him coo at you and rest with you, forgetting you even said anything before that.

mingyu -

he'd whine as soon as you mumbled minghao's name, nuzzling further into his chest. you were nuzzling while thinking of minghao? what was he supposed to think about this? he'd whine to you about it as soon as you woke up, complaining that it wasnt fair you thought of other boys while you were the only girl in his mind. you'd have to comfort him, even though he'd he half-joking, only having wanted your attention.

minghao -

he wouldnt really think much of it. he knew some people had the tendency to talk in their sleep, also knowing that dreams were uncontrollable and meant nothing. he couldn't blame you, he was also a big fan of jihoon's. he'd probably wake you up, though, assuming this was your body's way of telling you you wanted to be awake. he wouldn't ask about it but would subconsciously stick by you a little more throughout the day.

seungkwan -

soonyoung? that guy? you were having a dream about that tiger obsessed freak? seungkwan loved soonyoung, but hated the idea of you thinking about him in your deepest state of relaxation. he'd be yet another member to whine and complain as to why you thought of other men. no, it didnt matter it was a mutual friend of yours! your mind was meant to be plagued by seungkwan only!

vernon -

he's so distracted he'd think you were making conversation with him at first. after you'd said 'cheollie', he'd respond with a mumble of 'yeah, what about him?', not even looking up from his phone to see you asleep. when he finally noticed he'd be more impressed at the discovery that you talk in your sleep than at the mention of his friend.

chan -

you were his little piece of heaven away from his 12 brothers who would tease and baby him all day. so when he heard you mention the name of one of the aforementioned brothers while he held you in his arms, he had to admit it kinda peeved him. why were you mumbling mingyu's name?? was it the muscles? was it the height? but this was all forgotten the next morning, when you decided to make it up to him as soon as he whined at you about being your favorite boy.

[alternativegirl23]

Deal With The Devil- Finale

To anyone that was waiting for this, Im sorry it took so long. This was my first time writing smut and my first time writing anything in years. Im well beyond rusty but hope to improve. Also sorry if how the writing gets uploaded is weird. Still figuring stuff out on here. I hope the wait was worth it. Reblogs, likes, comments are appreciated.

Weeks had passed, then several months. You only hoped everything was running smoothly for both parties. You'd work at your desk job during the week, then go home to wait for Lee whenever he'd drop by. Parents were still being a bit too overbearing, even at your age. They should've let you be more of your own person at thirty.

      As their only child, that was hard for them. So you found your freedom where you could. Early one evening, you heard Lee's distinct knock at the door. He calmly walked into the dining room, you following behind him. He dropped the manila envelope down carelessly on the table. 

 "Just in case you thought I was lying", he said. You shook your head, a confused look on your face.

"I dont know why you think I would", you said. Lee opened the envelope to show you the papers, signed by him and his ex wife. "It was amicable. I was the only one to sign the lease of the house. So I helped her find a two bedroom apartment a few towns over". You nodded. 

      He took the papers back to his car and placed them in the glove box. The night came and went in somewhat of a blur. You tried your hand at making moms mashed potatoes from scratch. Following her recipe for cube steak and green beans from a can. Everyone ate plenty and proceeded to do their own thing. 

      Your parents, ever typical, watched TV in the living room. Lee joined them for a little while before heading up the stairs to take a shower. You followed a few minutes after, saying you were too tired to stay up late. "Okay, thats fine cutiepie", mom said cheerily. You recoiled slightly at the name she used for you as a child for so long.

      The bathroom door ajar, the shower beginning letting steam and warmth waft out steadily. You shivered slightly at the difference in temperature. Before heading to your room, you heard Lee yell "Hey hon. I think I left a shirt in my bag. Can you get it for me?" You called out a yes in response.

      Rummaging through his bag, you pulled out a clean black teeshirt. Handing it to him as you opened the door more. Only a towel wrapped around his middle. He gave a smug smirk, as if sensing the heat coursing through you. Holding it out for him, he slowly saunters the few feet to take it from you. 

     "Thank you gorgeous", with a little wink. You forget you're in a long sleep shirt, the tops of your thighs peeking out and giving him a good glimpse of more skin. He notices your face just then, eyes slightly glazed over.

"Your starin' sweetheart", he drawls. His body is only inches from yours now. You shake your head to clear your thoughts. 

      "Sorry, I didnt mean to" you admit sheepishly. 

"S'aright. I like your attention", he counters. He slowly traces a hand up your thigh, your eyes closing a little at his touch. "I should get some sleep", you say in a whisper. Lee's hands move quickly to your ass to give a firm squeeze before you protest any further. 

   "You know where ta find me", he whispered. Placing the lightest kiss on your neck. He gave one last lingering touch before hoping in the shower. You entered your room and closed the door.

    Three hours later and you still couldnt sleep, its now midnight. Your mind wandered to Lee and all the attention he's given you, no matter how small the gesture. I wonder what he looks like when he strokes his cock. Do his eyes roll in his head when he strokes it? Does he ever imagine its me? 

      What does he feel like? Hands having a mind of their own, they traveled down to your panties to slowly start to tease your clit. It didnt take any time for you to become wet, all your focus being on Lee. You tried being quiet, covering your mouth with your hand.

      You attempted to bring yourself to the edge. But just as you were almost there, something in your mind told you to stop. The quiet seemed too quiet. The darkness concealed everything within your bedroom. You were almost blind as a bat and could hardly see anything. 

      But your intuition still told you something or someone was there. You heard him before you saw his shadowy figure. A black outline resting casually in the outline of a door in the corner of your room that lead to your bathroom. 

      “Dont let me stop ya darlin’. You thinkin’ bout me”, Lee asked you in a low, somewhat husky drawl. You instantly froze, breath hitching in your throat. Did you hear that right? Lee cleared his throat softly amd strolled the few feet to the edge of your bed. His eyes lingered on your arm below the blanket, a small growl in the back of his throat.

      He sat on the edge, his hand creeping up your calf and starting to stroke it. Too entranced by his movements, you watched his face as he watched your reactions. He let out a small chuckle, shaking his head. 

      “Don't let me stop you darling. I thought you wanted all this. Now you're too scared?”, he asked. You let out a small whimper. Hardly noticing that his hand had moved to your upper thigh and was now caressing it. 

      You sat up straight now, bringing your hand to meet Lee’s and placing his hand over your pussy. Doing your best to maintain eye contact and settle your nerves.

      “Im not scared-”, you said on a shaky exhale. “I just didnt expect you there”, you continued. Lee moved in closer and put his other hand on your shoulder. Starting to kiss your mouth slowly, slipping his tongue on your lips to see if you'd let him in. Licking and biting softly, you whimpered, not able to resist. 

      Slowly, your hesitation subsided. Melting into a small flame in your core that you didn't doubt Lee would make into a spark. You scooted closer to him now, reaching out for him in the darkness. Lee’s hands entangled yours in a sweet gesture. 

      Pulling you close and bringing your head in for a kiss. Mouths opening and tongues already exploring. His large hands roaming up and down your back and sides. You

leaned forward more, connecting your mouth to his neck and started licking softly. Sucking in spots and nipping slightly. 

      Lee’s chest rumbled slightly under you. Smirking to yourself as you heard the soft moan next to your ear. He pulled you away, his mouth now doing the same things to your neck that you just did to his. Your head started to feel light and floaty. Everything in your body telling you to keep chasing this feeling. 

       Lee advanced on your body. Pushing you back a little roughly back onto your bed. Going back to kissing your mouth and neck, hands roaming everywhere. Both of you moaning now, but trying to stay quiet. 

       “Ive been waiting for this for so damn long. You know how many times I had to stroke myself and think of you”, Lee asked breathlessly. You smiled back at him. Feeling giddy and excited knowing that a man ten or so years older could think of you that way. You tore off your clothes, body totally bare and exposed for him.

      Lee did the same and he was everything you'd imagined. You had a preference for certain body types, sure. But as long as they had a handsome face and smooth voice or a certain twang, that was what typically got you off more. He chuckled as he lowered himself onto you. His hard cock poking your stomach, almost lining up with your heat. You had to hold back a whimper, not wanting to wake anyone else in the house up. Lee slowly dragged it through your wet folds, hissing as he just barely slipped inside. 

      “Fuck baby…” his voice trailed off as he kept draggin himself through you. You were in awe of his self control. Yourself on the verge of begging him to put it in. Biting your bottom lip, pouting pathetically up at him as your hand moved back down to your pussy. 

      “Nuh uh sweetheart, that's my job”, he said again in a hoarse whisper. His hand took your place and started to swipe up and down your lips and clit. Finally focusing on just your clit, hands already reaching for blankets. Lee laughed softly, watching you be so desperate for him. “I haven't even done anything and you already want it? Already wanna cum”, he teased.

       You didn’t answer, too focused on what he was doing. He kept finding your bundle of nerves and would rub in circles, up and down, side to side. Without warning, to see your reaction, he stopped. Undoing his belt and sliding down his pants hastily, he grabbed the length of his cock and roughly slid into your waiting opening. Lee chuckled at your gasp of a reaction, your fingers curling around his broad shoulders. Sure, you were with a few people before, but none seemed to be as intune with your body as Lee was. 

      His years more than made up for your slightly less experienced roster. Lee started thrusting slowly as if to try and savor the moment. His intense stare going soft as he looked down at your face half contorted in bliss. He couldnt help but reach a hand out to stroke your cheek and move your hair away. Mouth moving into a small grin as he roughly snapped his hips twice. Only because he wanted to watch you squirm. You clung to him more tightly. 

“God…Lee…please just…fuck me”, you croaked. A little breathless as he put all of his weight on you. He noticed the shallow breaths from your slightly hollow throat. He raised himself up onto his elbows now, kissing and nipping your neck. Shaking his head in a chuckle, he started thrusting faster and harder now. 

      Lifting your hips to feel himself deeper. Arms circling around him in an attempt to bring him closer.

      “Cage me in Lee”, you pleaded. Clasping your hands together to encircle him. You realized then you liked the feeling of him on top of you. His whole body weighing you down like the warmest, heaviest blanket. He smiled and did as you obliged, his arms going behind your neck as he kept snapping hard and deep into you. Your moans coming out as breathy pants. 

      Fuck, he felt so good. Why hadnt I done this sooner? He twined his fingers into your hair, gripping the back of your head. Lee loved having you on your back like this. Totally at his will. His cock throbbed a little when you let you a garbled moan as he felt the light scratches of your nails down his back.

       “Goddamn honey, you keep panting like that and Im gonna come”, he rasped as he picked up his speed. You needed him to go faster and deeper. You wanted to feel yourself gush all over him. Smiling to yourself, you had a good- but maybe not smart- idea. 

      You just wanted to give Lee some…encouragement. 

    “Come on baby, I know you can fuck me harder than that. Hm?” A little chuckle escaped you, until you saw that was the wrong thing  to do. Lee’s gaze went steely and his lip pressed into a thin line. Your face fell in a little bit of fear. He seemed to enjoy that. 

      A smirk curling on his lips. Leaning down to bite your neck, and you letting out a slight cry. He started thrusting his hips wildly, not able to hold back like he was before. He kept going until you went almost limp, mouthing wordless sentences and nonsensical noises. His large hand giving your cheek a few gentle slaps. 

      When that didn't work, he gripped your chin tightly. Trying to force you to come back out of your fucked out state. Tilting his head to purr into your ear as he watched your eyes roll and then refocus again. You had never felt anything this good before. If this was his “light” side, then what was his dark like? 

      “Now listen baby…you wanted this. This was yer idea. You cant handle it, tap out now. Sides….this is jus’ me getting started”. Your eyes widened at that. So there was more to him that he wasnt showing. Your eyes in total focus now, looking him dead in the eyes. Sneering at him, a bit of a growl to your voice now. 

      “Fuck me harder, Sheriff. I can take it”, you smiled a little triumphantly. He was more than happy to listen. Both of  your releases are so close. You let out a loud squeal as you felt him hit your cervix almost painfully so. WIthout thinking, he clamped a hand over your mouth. 

      “I said you gon’ have to be quiet, my little whore”. Your eyes rolled a little, you could feel yourself flutter around him. A moan escaping your mouth with a muffled “fuck” around Lee’s hand. He grinned wickedly, hips snapping as fast as he could. :”Yeah, you liked that, didn’t ya sugar” Lee cooed at you. You nodded enthusiastically, grabbing his wrist as he kept going at a brutal pace. 

      “Wanna be my little whore for as long as I ask”, he questioned. You nodded again. Without warning, you felt yourself cum hard on his cock. Eyes fluttering wildly and you couldn't help but let out an almost screaming moan. Lee panted and huffed, burying his face into the crook of your neck, his own release so close behind your own. Your pussy couldn’t help but cum again around him. “Come on baby, lemme hear those pretty noises. Just a lil”, he cooed into your ear as a whisper. 

      “Please cum in me Lee. I want it so fucking bad”, your breath coming in breathless pants. Letting out a grunt and then groan, you felt him shoot a big load inside of you. Your pussy clamping down on him to take every drop. Lee grunted again as he felt you clamp down, his hand traveling down to knead at your chest. With a growl, “Thank fuck, baby. Damn. Wanted that for so long”, he huffed some more as he lightly played with your hair now. 

      “You always cum that hard”, he asked, brows raising in question. You shook your head in answer. Trying to catch your own breath. “Not that many times with the few guys before me. Fact if we go another round, you can probably make me cum two more times, Sir”. You felt his softening cock twitch inside you again. Unable to help it, you moaned a curse and bit hard on your lip. 

      “Like when you call me Sir”, Lee teased. Hand moving down to squeeze your ass hard, you whimpered. Hips bucking up and already begging for more. “And I just might take you up on your offer”, he finished. You thought you heard movement down the hallway. Lee noticed it too. Both of you stopped and froze still. He even looked a little worried. Maybe we hadn’t been as quiet as we thought. Suddenly, a call from a few feet from your closed bedroom door. 

      “Honey, are you alright in there? I heard some noise. If you’re watching TV, can you turn it down, please?”, she asked. Yours and Lee’s eyes widened. Unsure of what to do. Voice a little shaky, but clearing your throat. 

      “Yeah, mom, Im fine. Sorry, I’ll turn it down”, you called out. Lee sniggered and you hit his shoulder a little hard, trying to get your point across…not funny. Hearing her steps retreat, you let out a sigh of frustration and relief. Lee still grinned at you, shaking his head in amusement.  He slowly let himself up from you, pulling out slowly but relishing in the feeling of your heat until next time. 

     You collected yourself as he went to put back on his tee shirt and boxers. He turned around, a look of disbelief at what just happened. He let out a small chuckle, coming towards you again. Hands planted on the edge of your comforter and hunching over to meet your face. “And that is why I'm buying you your own apartment”, he said matter of factly. Stunned into silence, you didn't know what to say. He smiled, amused at your dumbfoundedness. “Now you best get some sleep, sexy. Im making another visit to ya tomorrow night. But next time…we’re using a gag or really turning on your TV’, he said. All you could do was nod as he sauntered away and gently closed your door. Maybe having your parents' friend around wasn’t as bad after all.     

[zortic]

this is his name card thing! K.J really does not like his mom in this step. (im sorry opal ily) he’s also a very bossy and mean kid to everyone.. unless you happen to be living next door..

i made a step 2 name card thing, but maybe ill wait till the demo expansion comes out to share that. maybe ill change some things! who knowssss

for now (if you are interesteddd) down below are some things abt K.J!

he fights with his mom all the time. infront of friends, alone. literally any time. he seriously wants nothing to do with her.

is usually grounded. meaning no leaving the neighborhood, no friends over, all that. when he isn’t grounded he’s your stereotypical bad kid, always has to stay after school to clean something.

he invented shorts in freezing cold weather. autumn and tamarack thought it was pretty normal until it was the middle of december and he showed up to school in shorts and a t shirt, with his jacket stuffed in his bag. its less of a “im not cold” thing and more of an act of rebellion. his mom fights tooth and nail every morning.

^^ because of that he is always sick. he brushes it off until he is physically unable to move.

he wont wear any other colour but orange. it is his very favourite and he is very stern about how much of it is in his closet.

he has a little crush on qiu, and tries really hard to act cool infront of him. he gets all giddy when qiu takes note of something good he did.

or

he has a little crush on tamarack, and tries really hard to act cool infront of her. he gets all giddy when tamarack takes note of something good he did.

or

he has a little crush on both his neighbors, and tries really hard to act cool infront of them. he doesnt know how to handle how giddy he gets when they both take note of something good he did.

^^alot of his behaviour in class is to impress his crush. he’ll do literally anything to see that little smile on their face.

he is transgender. he and his mom are the only ones who know that, and he has no plans on ever telling anyone.

after tamarack asked if he was a girl, he would take extra long in the bathroom staring at the mirror wondering what he could’ve missed that she would be able to know.. she didnt! shes just a bit silly.

his favourite game ever is kirbys dream land. he plays it on his game boy every second he gets. before school, at school (at recess if he can hide it well), after school, in bed when he is supposed to be asleep. its all he can think about, and all he can talk about. everyone is a little tired of it, but he doesnt care about everyones feelings.

^^ ms. murray noticed this behaviour, and also the way k.j was acting out. he talked during lessons, he couldnt sit still, he was unable to focus. he even cried one time because he thought he was dumb. so ms. murray called his mom in to talk about getting him tested for adhd. and so she took him to the doctor, and to no ones suprise he was diagnosed.

^^ this gave him accommodations at school, and if you think he used them in a responsible way- you’d be so wrong. if he wanted to go for a walk, tamarack or qiu or even both are going with him. even if ms. murray is making him go for a walk because hes disrupting.

“im not going unless tamarack and qiu go with me.”

if you actually read it, thanks for being interested! its alot, but i reallly like making indepth characters :)

[v1ll1anousblackhat]

𝕋𝕎: 𝕊𝔼𝕃𝔽-ℍ*ℝ𝕄

𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖'𝕤 𝕟𝕠 𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕖𝕝𝕤𝕖 𝕀 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 & 𝕀 𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕤𝕖 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗 𝕔𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕣𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕘𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕦𝕡

𝕀 𝕙𝕠𝕡𝕖 𝕪𝕦 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕚𝕥 𝕋𝕒𝕚𝕚𝕚 :3

Ever since Tai moved into the slendermansion and Interacted with Toby, Ever since Toby complimented them on their Jewerly and called it pretty...Tai has felt a feeling that they rarely ever feel...And fast forward to a few weeks, Tais been scribbling in their diary. Venting..Talking about how Pretty toby is, and how bad they wished they didn't have to 𝘁𝗿𝘆 to be pretty, but soon that jealous and envy turned into admiration, And Soon Tai became infatuated more and more by Toby each day, They didnt even notice this until they were constantly following him in desperate attempts to try to talk to him, and would even sometimes copy what he would say, or Sort of copy his outfits.. Toby wore a striped hoodie? Tai also has a striped hoodie! That they would wear more and more everyday, And didn't even bother to wash it from how often they'd wear it. They even thought about getting more piercings just to show that they were worthy of Toby's time and attention...They..wanted his attention so bad, They wanted to show Toby that they could be as cool and interesting as he is. They didn't even know if they wanted to be him or be with him at this point. But what Tai did know was that she wanted to be around Toby all the time and gain his undivided attention...Tai's brain started gaining electrons..She was gonna text Roby to come over and c.t herself bleeding to get more of his comfort and attention "Wait. I can't do that...I'd feel so guily afterwards." Tai nodded her head "then again It wouldn't be too bad due to me gaining more dophine.." Tai had another idea.. Tai was gonna slam her body into walls and punch the walls to give herself a shit ton of bruises to catch Toby's attention more. Tai texted Toby "Hi Toby. .Can you uhm...come over for a bit I kinda need you.." Tai sent the text and thre her phone on her bed then she layed their waiting for her phone to go off. 10 minutes pass and Toby finally replied "Oh!- uh- sorry Tai...R u okay? Im comong over rn!.." Tai didnt have any expression she just looked....possesed by this obbsession. Tai went into the bathroom and found her dull razor and started gently making little cuts all over her forearms and making her self bleed out. A few minutes pass and Toby came rushing in Tai's bedroom "Tai!...T-Tai!?...O-oh no....w-what did y-you do-!?!?" Tai covered her arms and forced tears came out of her eyes "I'm sorry, Toby...I-I just c-couldnt stop....I-I had urges- I-" Toby hugged her immediatly "No- It's alright Tai-...I -I u-understand completley...." Toby gives Tai a soft kiss on her forehead as he strokes their hair softly as Tai was soaking in all of Tobys pitty it hit her....the guilt....she faked a serious act just to gain Tobyd attention yet again this was the best feeling ever to have someone else hold onto her and not letting go.. Toby looked Tai in the eyes and kissed her arms "Please, n-never c-cut.." Tai's eyes begun to tear up as a knot formed in her throat "I-I won't ....T-toby I-....I-it was one t-time...I'm ...sorry...so sorry..." Toby sighed and held Tai's hand "C-come on Tai...Lets t-take a walk" ...The two took a nice long walk under the beautiful sunset eventually making Tai feel better "Aw...it's so pretty outside today-!" Tai smiled. This made toby smile under his mask "I-Im glad!!-" Toby and Tai walked into the forest and talked about random things making Tai feel gebrally the happiest she's felt in YEARS she kbew better not to do what she did but Tai had serious issues when it came to c-tting so maybe it wasn't all a lie...besides she just wanted to be worthy of hangingout with Toby and look at then the two are like best friends roaming the forest.

[sociallyawkward--fics]

hi xy time for what is becoming my annual checkin! how are u! i feel like since its been abt a year i have to infodump abt all my character development hold on i'll speedrun it. my pronouns r it/its zhey/zhem or (less preferred) they/them. and i have settled on those. it/its is the only one thats ever given me gender euphoria, took 4 years but i got there. ummm realized i have autism (undiagnosed). love the stimming and the being insane abt fictional characters the rest isnt that great. got anxiety meds!!!!! oh my god xy!!!! life is so good now antidepressants r a girls best friend. also. hold on ur never gonna believe this. i have adhd meds now. the crowd goes wild. was like yea doc idk i just think the anxiety meds r not improving my ability to focus what was that u said abt adhd^__^ n she was like hmmmm ok i cant diagnose u but i can give u this adderall u dont need a diagnosis for n if its like glory hallelujah we'll just assume u have it and GLORY HALLELUJAH. ive cleaned my room like more times in the past few months than i have my entire life im WINNING. i cant rly feel if its working but i'll sit down to write or smth n i wont get distracted every 5 seconds n the mental block that keeps me from doing things is gone!!!!! life changing stuff just wish i had it before my grades fuckin woooo splat. um my gpa is 2.2 weighted im like. ok well now that i have adhd meds im working on it -H (i feel like. ok i think tumblr made it so ur asks can be longer but fuck all those liberals n their woke agenda (joke) i am all abt tradition babey i'll be back for a pt 2 rq)

ummm rly into books love books. "thats old news h everyone knows that" but like im being wonderfully unnormal abt them<3 there was this one series the ascendance trilogy n i was fucking OBSESSED w it when i was younger n i learned there was a 4th n 5th book recently so like. the trilogy thing was a fuckin lie. but i obviously had to reread the series so i could read the new books n im still so obsessed w the series its so banger for a middlegrade series. got so unnormal abt it i made a 7hr playlist for the main character bc everyone elses sucked so much ass i just had to. still in the process of rereading but yeah. also theres this OTHER series the raven cycle i read recently n im also obsessed w that these series r all like my ideal books they hit all my favorite tropes. yeah just being rly unnormal abt books thats my current obsession. also. drawing. im so good at it u wouldnt believe. next fuckin van gogh right here. n honestly i dont even care abt going off anon it just bothers me bc my ROUTINE. the TRADITION. its just not the same. but i'll go off it just for u to show u some of my banger art. at a stage where im pretty frustrated at my limitations but that doesnt mean i cant recognize that im fucking awesome ok hold on again -H but yea ok to finish up what have u been up to! tempted to just ask what shows/game/etc uve been into but also i am exerting a little of my brain power to realize some ppls lives dont revolve around those. so just liek what have u been spending a lot of time doing. how is writing going! wait what r ur drawing skills just out of curiosity draw smth for me (if ur comfy ofc n dw i completely understand if it fuckin sucks taht was me just over a year ago) -H (when i was younger i used to think that ppl couldnt be good at writing n drawing they had to choose one. exerted my baby brain power to be like. it takes too long to get good at them u can only do one. then saw a book w the cover art credited to the author n i was like woahhh this is fuckin crazy living my younger selfs pipe dream)

----------

The way I have had a reminder on my phone to answer these asks for MONTHS but my executive function has been GARBAGE i am so sorry my friend it was not intentional to leave this sitting for so long i am so sorry!!! (also between the two of us this got Long so i am putting a read more so i don't take up a big block of people's dash in my return from the dead lol)

thank you for pronouns update! congrats on meds!! i gotta get me some of those so i can Detroit: Become Functional lol. I am rooting for you with your GPA!!! Also lol, love that we are following tradition of multiple asks still even with the tumblr updates letting asks be way longer now lol, it is just Familiar To Us

I will have to look into the ascendance trilogy!! My sibling is also obsessed with the raven cycle, but i have not read it yet (still debating if i want to or not, have been for YEARS lol, because i keep hearing "author problematic" and then never remember Why because i have Goldfish Memory). I will not post your off-anon ask with the artwork unless you want me to (want you to feel comfy on the blog and sending asks and I know you prefer anon!), but i will say that your art is AWESOME, my friend!! you are SO good and you're only going to keep getting better! I am glad you enjoy it!

Also bestie. This is a neurodivergent space lol, my life also revolves around shows/games/books/etc. they are the only thing that make the monotony of life and job-having under a neurotypical capitalistic society bearable lol. I actually have been getting back into reading ACTUAL BOOKS lately which feels GREAT (because reading Actual Books when i am so tired and Non-Functioning all the time is Hard lol), i am finally going through my seemingly-endless TBR and also have reread some old faves this year. Games-wise, the only thing i ever think about is still the Dragon Age games, Alistair is the love and light of my life lol. Show-wise.... i am in Limbo because of the Exhaustion, tragically, and also just waiting on new seasons (OFMD). Witcher has a new season out, but i have not watched it yet because Energy and also i have no motivation to because the last season they put out was so bad (even if i hear this one is good, i have lost trust lol)

Writing is. Not quite going lol. I have not finished a fanfic in ages, and also have made little to no progress on any of my original work attempts either, tragically. Hopefully things look up for me soon cuz I wanna get stuff DONE again lol, this blog has become so quiet and near obsolete because i cannot FINISH anything and it is TRAGIC.

Also, I have little-to-no drawing skills, but I also unfortunately do not have much energy to apply to drawing you a picture atm :(( maybe someday. Sometimes I can draw something that makes me go "omg i am not Awful, maybe I could actually put thoughts and energy into learning this as a skill" and other times it is like "i will never put pencil to paper (or stylus to screen) ever again" lol. Maybe someday when i am doing Better again i will hopefully have the energy to draw you something!!

[tsukacchako]

LMAOOO SORRY THSI REBLOG TOOK SO LONG IT ALSO TOOK ME A WHILE TO WRITE THE RESPONSES

KJLDKSF “glad that wasn’t me” mentality is silly, if ankoku ever found out thats how he was viewed hed be like “yeah.” T-T i can imagine florence walking past ankoku and like giving a respectful nod and then once hes away enough like grimacing (in like an “ew thats gross” way not a “thats tragic” way) and being like “yikes .. thank anakt that’s not me …” cindys observant but i don’t think shes observant enough to pick out his lies, she might even like ignore them and try to see the best in him

cindy would understand that castile doesnt wanna be friends with her but that DEFINITELY wouldnt stop her from acting like they are T-T “hey castile! how are you?” “hey castile! how was class?” and she def made her a flower crown or two. i think that because of this, shed definitely accidentally stumble upon her having a panic attack and obviously shed help despite castile probably shoving her away. even if cindy doesnt like coffee (i havent thought about her drink preferences lmaooo) i think shed still be thankful for it and for the message and care behind it. after his death though, shed interact with her less and less

AWWW an and ankoku :[ an showing ankoku kindness would definitely be so confusing for him “are you ok?” “huh?” “are you ok?” “i .. um … uh …” poor boy wouldnt know what to do T-T however, i dont know if an would know this, but an caring and checking in definitely helps him learn about and understand himself and his own emotions. if she ends up dying in ALNST, ankoku would feel heartbreak :[ and her seeing trix in him … sobbing …. cindy would be devastated that an wouldnt be her friend anymore, it would absolutely ruin her even more since (im assuming since u said in the next paragraph that trix clung to an) it happens after brandons death and shed probably cut ties with an entirely, like not even say hi if theyre in the same room or something. this would probably make an feel like shit, but shes doing it as a coping mechanism and not really thinking (and for once, not really even caring) about her feelings

awww trix :[ ankoku would get into a lot of trouble for not helping trix, and it would give keeron mixed feelings. ankoku would definitely see the lashing out as something he did wrong, so it wouldnt really affect him that much since hes used to it. trix and brandon :[[[ trix and cindy :[[[ cindy would definitely cling to trix, but overtime would slowly push her away, isolating herself as a coping mechanism and as her feelings of despair and treatment in anakt gets worse and worse. even though shed become completely numb before escaping anakt, shed definitely feel guilty leaving trix behind. one of the reasons why it took her so long to escape after brandons death was because of trix, but eventually she just couldnt take the treatment and hopelessness anymore and had to escape. shed leave her a note, and it wouldve been the first time shed seen cindy show emotion in a few years

sorry to come into ur inbox at like 10am (at least its 10am here) but u sent me asks yesterday so ill send u some back!! teehee ^_^

what are your other ocs thoughts on cindy and ankoku? for florence and an, how do you think they'd feel about seeing someone (ankoku) who was treated the complete opposite as them in every way possible?

do you think castile and cindy would be friends? if so, how would castile feel about cindy being able to successfully escape and not her?

how would they react to brandons death? how would they treat cindy afterwards?

YIPPEE YAY im so excited giggles giggles giggles!! and dont worry im literally almost awake all the time i will ramble about these guys any chance that i get. and i'll put each oc in paragraphs LMAO. ITS SO LONG SO UNDER THE CUT

florence ; i think that florence is very. confident in himself and his facade so he probably wouldn't see much of ankoku. he's probably heard about and caught glimpses of him though, and can't help but feel a bit bad. i don't think he'd be the most sympathetic though? he's kind of got the mentality of "glad that wasn't me!" so yeah. and he definitely tries to maintain a good reputation and stay popular, so i think that he'd at least try to be friends with cindy! if she catches onto his lies though.. that's on him. he doesn't really react much internally to brandon's death, yet another case of him just. not really giving a shit about others? he does know that he has to act more sympathetic about the death though, so he'll be one of the first people to send his condolences to cindy.

caliste ; i think that caliste miiight be a bit too into her superiority that she wouldn't really consider being friends with someone who isn't on the same level as her. HOWEVER i can see this changing if cindy ever finds her in the middle of one of her many panic attacks. she'd act like she'd hate it, but i assume cindy would be kind to her during the exchange, so she'd be a bit nicer in turn. she's also like florence about brandon's death, in the sense that she doesn't really care all that much. if she is in a stage of being nicer to cindy though, she'll make her a cup of coffee (even if cindy doesn't like it lol). i think that she would feel kind of .. numb when she hears about cindy's escape though. she used to try it all the time, and the fact that somebody she considered not as good as her was able to do it? well, she'd kinda send herself into a spiral for weeks. but obviously nobody will know about it!

an ; i definitely think that at the start of her career, she'd probably get anxious before performances, so she would see ankoku a few times! she would immediately feel sympathetic upon seeing him, and she constantly asks if he needs anything to feel better. she basically ends up switching the roles lol. she is very sympathetic, and if she ever sees him in passing, she'll always offer him a quick snack. she sees a lot of trix in ankoku, which... yikes, is all i have to say. i feel like she would also be friends with cindy and brandon with trix! she's absolutely heartbroken about brandon's death, and she makes sure to see cindy to give her condolences and offer a shoulder to cry on.. she'd probably stop being friends with cindy after trix and her break up, and that's only because she wants trix to have friends and knows that she wouldn't be friends with cindy if an stuck around so. yeah!

trix ; in the case where trix stays in alien stage, she would DEFINITELY be seeing a lot of ankoku. she's angry and pissed that she has to participate, and her collar always stays between yellow and red all the time anyway. she'd probably hate having to be "watched" though, so she would lash out at him even if it's not his fault. she felt so so so numb after brandon's death. she didn't know what to do with herself. she clung to an a lot in this time, silently seeking comfort that the other just wasn't able to provide. she also clung to cindy, but once she ended up escaping, that was when she really started to isolate herself.