#also some of the points are true to some extent but not fully
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ncteez · 7 months ago
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M.I.L.F. (Make It Last Forever) ― L.DH
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Haechan, a favorite among classy wives to hire during the hot summer season for a nice, thorough pool cleaning, seems to have a favorite wife of his own.  You.  Or the one where Haechan was the pain-in-your-ass son of the family you used to babysit for, but now he’s making it his mission to be the pain-in-your-ass pretend husband that you never asked for, but very clearly need. 
minors dni 
PAIRING ― lee haechan  x afab milf!reader  
WORDCOUNT― 18.9k
CONTENT―  age gap: reader is 31  and haechan is 24, milf trope/single mother reader, college pool boy haechan (turned part time babysitter), reader has 1 kid and haechan really wants to give her another, reader has morals!! haechan just doesn’t see it as a moral issue, he is actually very sweet 
!WARNINGS! ―  age gap, haechan is somewhat of a manipulator, he’s gentle but won’t take no for an answer. dub-con in one instance. major breeding kink and kind of a mommy and daddy kink (domesticity), angst regarding reader and her ex husband, reader has huge tits 
NOTE ― this was written for jay from enhypen over on my other blog, but i am gifting it to you guys here as well! I WROTE THEM BOTH!!!! NOT PROOF READ.
nsfw tags under cut
nsfw tags― thick big dick haechan, small instant dubious consent, tit obsessed haechan, groping and grinding, mommy/daddy kink, breeding kink, unprotected sex, cum stuffing-ish,pussy eating, fingering, basically it’s haechan doing stuff to you,  this ain’t smut this is making love, also reader doesn’t shave her coochie and haechan fucking loves it.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Having a stray eye isn’t typically something you afford yourself when it comes to men. Things tend to change with time though, that much you know is true. 
It was proven to you for the first time when your ex husband decided to up and leave you three weeks before your due date for a woman–well, girl, fresh out of highschool. Years of trust and promises crushed with just a single sentence and a slam of the door. Time must’ve changed you for him to leave so heartlessly. Time must’ve changed him to become so cold. 
 It was proven again when you were able to heal despite never believing you could. Seconds of pain turned to minutes, to hours. Days. weeks. Months. Years of pain before being able to wake up and feel somewhat numb to it all. Like a flip switch in your head that told you that you can be happy now even if as a single mother. After all, the hard part was over. 
It took some four to five years, but it did happen. Time did change you, it healed you, it matured you. As your child grew, so did you. And for the better, you think. You count your blessings of living a life far more lavish than you ever could have anticipated given the circumstances that had been thrown at you. Even to the point of nesting, wanting another child, wanting a big and happy family. But alas, your ex husband had better things to do. 
At the end of the day, you’d never be able to call this home yours if you had stayed with your ex husband. He didn’t like this kind of “flashy” lifestyle, and to him, everything you wanted seemed too flashy for him. Perhaps he was right to some extent, as you recognize the brand name goods you now own, solely because you had promised yourself in the depths of your despair that you’ll get to a point in life where you can buy yourself everything you not only need, but want. So, here you are, owning an expensive home, in a nice neighborhood, with a nice car and a nice pool. 
Your daughter has everything she could want and need too, aside from a sibling, it’s certainly still more than what you had growing up and it’s all because of you. A fully decorated bedroom drenched in glitter, purples, creams, yellows, and pink, her favorite color. All sorts of play houses, costumes, dolls, a few lego sets, and even some plastic swords and knives for the days she wants to pretend to be her favorite movie characters. Clothes she can grow into, and a nice little fund building up for her as she grows up. Her first car, college, help for a downpayment on her own first house. 
Both of you have everything you could ever want or need and for that, you’re so proud. Especially knowing your husband would have never believed you could make it this far without him. Still, despite having everything you could ever ask for, there’s something in you that feels empty.
Time changes things. 
Time changes a lot of things, you note more than usual, as the man you’ve been ogling for the past three weeks makes himself far more known to you than you ever wished he would.
The interaction with him was always so quick before today and given the fact that he was a complete stranger, you never quite invited him into your home considering–you know, small child and all. You had hired him over text. Haechan, your neighbor said his name was. His handsome features didn’t offer you anything more than a clean pool and a wandering eye. 
Your neighbor apparently has a friend who has a cousin that has an even nicer pool than you do. Given, it’s only a nicer pool due to the fact that this young man, Haechan, tended to it weekly and made damn sure it could be drunk out of if a person had a craving for chlorine. 
You feel like an idiot now that it didn’t dawn on you quick enough. Sure, he looked a bit familiar to you but who doesn’t when you’re always out and about seeing so many different faces on a daily basis? His name, Haechan, didn’t ring any bells. Now though, the shame of staring at his sweaty pecs and biceps came crashing down the moment you realized who Haechan actually is. 
He didn’t do a damn thing to remind you either, if anything, all he did was walk around all sweaty in the afternoon heat with his tank top either sticking to him, or off entirely. It appears that you had just been too busy running errands with your child, considering his shifts were always when you were home. Too busy cooking, cleaning, reading, lounging. Too busy looking at…well, not his face. 
Too busy to give the man a glance more than that of a slice of pie behind a bakery window. 
Haechan. 
Since fucking when was that his name?
“Lee Donghyuck.” You whimper near mortified, three weeks too late as you hand him his pay with nervous hands. “Spray-cheese in my hair Donghyuck?” 
“Ah, was wondering when you’d pick up on that.” He smiles at you with that crooked grin, a knowing look that any man at a bar would give you if he had caught you checking him out. Then, he pockets the hefty amount of cash that you hand to him. “I go by Haechan more often these days.” He trails off, an amused smirk half-falling as he looks at your expression of realization. “You can call me whatever you want though.”
He’s well aware of how often you’ve checked him out since he started intentionally taking his clothes off. After all, it’s mid-july by this point and the sun baring down on him doesn’t quite call for a fucking turtle neck sweater. Or a T-shirt, or a tank top, for that matter. It calls for all skin baby, beautifully tanned and toned for you and any of your neighbors to look at if they so wanted to. 
Haechan doesn’t work out for nothing, after all. Summer after summer, he’s found himself to be quite fond of the rich women that hire him for their pool services. Always wanting an attractive young man to wander around half naked and satiate their lack of sex life with their husbands, or boytoys, or what have you. He knows all that extra pay isn’t because he does a good job either. He’s gotten winks, small comments, even a few offers of his body for more pay.
He’s turned them all down, of course. For a full-on affair, anyway. Haechan has gotten a few blow jobs and quickies as a tip before though, and a lot of that is why he keeps getting referred to more women. Richer women. Never single women. 
Until you. 
He quite enjoyed catching you looking at him. Especially given the fact that he knew exactly who you were when you introduced yourself to him via text. That little childhood crush on you came back within an instant upon actually seeing you again. Truly, he had forgotten all about you up until that fateful day three weeks ago. 
If he’s being honest, he’s been pining something fierce since he first stepped foot on your property. Excitement swelled inside of him just to see you again. To see if you’re still hot, to see how you’re doing, what you’re doing. How your life is going.
 He knew you didn’t recognize his nickname through text, and he definitely knew you didn’t recognize him to be eating him up with those eyes of yours either. So, he played along, enjoying it while he could before it would inevitably dawn on you. Still, he remembers you so well from back then. Crazy to know that he rarely thought of you for the past twelve years or so, and how all those little butterflies of his came back in a far more mature way. He was only twelve back then, but he’s a man now. 
Twenty four and perfectly sound as a man who knows what he likes. The fact that you happen to fall into that category is no fault of his own, honestly. It’s your fault if anyone’s at all. Haechan is a man that likes a specific type of woman too. Woman. Not a girl, not a young lady, not a free spirit, nor a prude. He is drawn to the idea of experience, to the idea of settling down. It’s not easy to find that at his age, in college, surrounded by party girls and casual drug use. 
And, well, imagine his smile upon seeing your lovely, lavish home with the large pool, no ring on your finger, a whole fucking child, and your motherly instincts when you buckle her into the car for an errand. Oh and the broken fence in the far back of your yard.
You’re a single mom. 
A hot single mom who lives lavishly. One who could probably use a man’s help around your house.
He half expected you to be able to recognize him when he appeared for work the first time. He even had a monologue in his head on what to say to you, and how to present himself. You didn’t seem to take notice though, introducing yourself to him as if you hadn’t spent all that time in his childhood home when you were a teenager. Like you never mothered him, or put him to sleep with the soft stories when you let him watch all those scary movies before bed. Even at twelve, he was a scaredy cat.
 Clearly you’re too busy experiencing life to notice the way he fawns over you too. Hating how you’re more reserved than the other lavish, fixed-up women. You seem to have standards, or maybe it’s just priorities ... that's so hot. Truly, it only makes him want you more because by now, the other women would already be rubbing all over him. The ones who shouldn’t be wanting him the way they do. So, yes, he’s always stealing glances at you with sparkling dark eyes, fantasizing in his head that this pool is his to clean now, because that’s what a good man would do for you, right? With him around servicing your pool and lawn, you’d never need to hire or spend money on another broke ass college student again.
Yes. That’s how quickly he fell into this infatuation solely because you looked at him like you want it without realizing who he was. Hell, without realizing how perfect you are in terms of what he wants.
God, how are you still single? 
Like, why do you have a child and a house so beautiful without a man wandering around doing all of this work for you? Not that you couldn’t do it on your own, it’s just, you clearly have the means to make a man do as you please. Why haven’t you?
You happen to fall almost perfectly into the categories of what he’s looking for. Save for the fact that now you recognize him as that kid you used to babysit rather than the man who tries to be sexy while cleaning your pool. Which is a fucking shame, if he’s being honest, to be written off as that same ten year old child rather than a fucking man who very clearly has needs and desires. 
The point is– Haechan wants you and he parades around your pool for you to look at him. So what if you used to babysit him? It’s not like you’re an old swamp-hag trying to lure him with candy. You’re just…a woman. And he’s just a man. 
“Well, thank you for cleaning again,” You trail off in an awkward tone, shifting your eyes to anywhere but him. He watches you though, smiling a smile you know all too well from his childhood antics. It must mean something different now, or maybe not. “I guess I’ll see you next week?” 
“Well, actually,” Haechan offers, “Would you be opposed to–” You cut him off instantly with an awkward wave of your hand.
You don’t know why you make assumptions, maybe from that damned smile on his face, but you do recall your ex husband reminding you time and time again that it’s one of the things he hated about you. 
Assumptions. Always thinking the worst, or perhaps the most filthy of situations and expressions. To be fair, you feel guilty about how you’ve been looking at him, you can’t help but panic trying to pretend like it never happened, and that he never saw it happen.
“I’m not interested, Donghyuck.” You respond hastily, pressing your thumb to your bottom lip to bite the skin on it, keeping your eyes away from him with the awkward words. After all, he knew who you were this whole time and paraded around like that? 
Even before recognizing him yourself, you know men well enough to know when they’re trying to flaunt. Is it so wrong to assume?
“Interested in what?” Haechan tilts his head knowingly, seeing the way you buckle under the guilt of staring at the very man you used to tuck into bed every night. He can see the way you try to push those sexual thoughts you had away in the quick rejection to a simple assumption. 
 “I was just going to ask if you want me to fix your fence.” 
Ah, you did get ahead of yourself through the guilt, and you’re far too aware of it as you draw your eyes back to him and note the expression on his face. Amused, maybe a bit of concern in his eyes, even? 
“Ah, um–” You start, trailing your eyes down your fence line never once noticing a break in it. Haechan is quick to point though, leaning to you with a whisper of “right there.” And well, you did not need to hear that tone in his voice the way you just did.
God, it’s so awkward.
“Well, how much would that cost me?” You question with an empty voice, staring at the broken fence. 
“Free.” He uses the same tone, leaning away from you now and smiling wide. “That is, if you provide lunch.” 
Well, despite the awkwardness, that break over there would cost you a pretty penny to fix, and your daughter needs the safety of playing in her own yard without random animals or worse, people, making their way in. Plus, you’re quite fond of saving money. How else would you be here if you weren’t good at it? And now, given that you’re most definitely not interested in Haechan, what's the harm in making a few sandwiches for someone you already know well enough? It’s not like you’ve never made him lunch before.
The awkwardness will pass and your guilt will subside. You both will laugh at it over a cold glass of iced lemonade, surely. It’s not like you realized who he was anyway, it’s not like you’re just gonna keep looking at him like that. You should just push forward and it’ll all be fine. 
“Hell, I’d even watch the kiddo so you can have a break every now and then.” He watches your reaction, wanting to ask so many questions about why you’re single, who the father is, where he is, why he isn’t here. “After all, I learned quite a bit from you.” 
For a second you consider that too.
And there’s three reasons as to why you should. The first being that you were literally just looking for a new child care facility due to learning of the staff coming to work while sick. Your poor daughter came home with a fever just last week, and you’ve had little luck in finding a place with the same educational benefits for her. 
The second being that, well, while you’re not hurting for cash or anything, it wouldn’t hurt to be able to put a little more back for her college fund. Or for fun little vacations. 
And lastly, despite your guilt of lusting over someone you shouldn’t have, you know Donghyuck and you know his family even better. No background check would be needed, your daughter could be in the comfort of her own home rather than a classroom setting that she’s sure to see for at least twenty years of her life in the future. 
So, yes. You consider it instantly, and Haechan sees it. 
You only know of the childhood version of him and, well, the slutty pool-side version of him apparently. If only you knew of that other side of him and how fond he is of watching his own younger cousins. How good he is with children, and how much he clings to the idea of being a father one day.
Haechan is great with kids, with or without them having a hot mom.
And well, he knows that he’s fond of looking at you at least. Besides, as long as you can work with his class schedules, he’d be willing to do just about anything to play pretend-husband, even if you’re unaware of it. 
“Is that so?” You finally ask, curious eyes looking at him with a furrowed brow. “Shouldn’t you be out living the life? College parties and such?” You add, wondering why such a great deal has managed to flop down on your lap. The idea of even cheaper childcare without the risk of unvaccinated children, and sick caretakers being far too good of a deal to pass up. 
“Well, yeah I guess.” He shrugs, leaning backwards to stretch and roll his shoulders. “Not really my scene though. I have classes Monday and Wednesday all day, Tuesday and Thursdays my classes are online. If you can work around that, I’d rather just be making money and chilling.” 
You think about it just for a second more when he continues. 
“I can be here on weekends too. Maybe you should be the one out relaxing and having some drinks.” 
“Well, I don’t quite need that, or for you to be here on weekends.” You think as you say it, knowing you have given up on going out to try and meet men two years ago. “I could pay you though, let’s say, thirty an hour?” 
Well, shit, that’s not too bad at all, especially considering he’s about to give up on cleaning the pools of a few women in his contacts for this. It’s a major pay cut, but still enough to get by comfortably if you’ll have him multiple times a week. That plus the pool cleaning money? And free lunch? 
“Oh, you don’t go out at all? I don’t see why not, could probably get a man in no time–” Haechan ignores the wage offer and pushes to note the singlehood he had been noticing for the past three weeks. “and the pay is fine.” 
“Ah, well, the dating pool isn’t so great in this neck of the woods.” You scratch the back of your neck when you say it. “That aside, I'll have her in day care on the days you can’t be here, but it really would be a big help. Thank you for the offer, Donghyuck. And for the fence too.” 
He watches you with a firm nod, shoving his hands into the pockets of his basketball shorts, still entirely shirtless in front of you. 
“And the pool.” You add quietly after a moment. 
“I think you’d be surprised about the dating pool.” He smiles as he pushes the subject back to what you had previously said, hoping you believe those words before continuing. “So, when do you want me to start?��� 
“Is tomorrow too soon? You’re okay to set up here with your online classes?”
“Tomorrow is perfect.” He smiles.
“I’m sure she would be so happy knowing she won’t be going to daycare–” You clap, feeling a bit less awkward despite the boldness of the man in front of you. You’re sure he’s just teasing you for knowing you checked him out. “I know I am.” 
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
It’s a little too perfect, actually.
After that first day of watching your child and making a lazy attempt at “fixing your fence,” he’s settled in like it’s home. He wishes it was, with the lavish lifestyle in a house far too pretty compared to his own living space with piles upon piles of laundry he’s too lazy to pick up for himself. 
It’s different for you though. Different when he’s here.
Truly, he feels like he’s living the life after a couple of weeks with decent pay and a comfy space to do his homework. He watches your child, which is arguably the hardest part of the job but she’s well behaved for him. In fact, she seems to have taken a shine to him.
He’s starting to be very intentional with taking far too long to work on your fence too, and still maintaining your pool. He’s trying to drag this out for as long as he can. Even if just to see if you still look at him when you come home the same way you did before recognizing him. You never do though. When his shirt is off and he’s wiping his forehead in the sun, you don’t look at him anymore.
Hell, he’s even considered breaking things in your home just to give himself more jobs to do. More things that make him feel needed, like a husband. More things that you thank him for fixing, even if it breaks again two days later.
And ah, the food in your fridge is always free reign to him, that large television in the living room too. God, sometimes he dreads going home, and by sometimes, he means all the time. Who in their right mind would ever fucking want to live outside of this lifestyle? He really can’t believe you’re single, nor can he believe that he has the opportunity to be in your home, close to you. It shouldn’t take too long now to convince you, right? That you don’t necessarily have to be single? That you need him around to live even more comfortably?
In short, Haechan is in his head about how he’s practically just roleplaying as your stay-at-home husband before having to go back to his shitty little apartment and remind himself that he’s just a fucking college student with no interest in the people on campus. And like, even with the way you come home from work, all groggy and exhausted on the days he’s there, you always thank him before giving him his pay. What he likes best about those nights is when you’re too exhausted to even pay him and you promise to do it next time.
In his mind, that’s you promising to see him again. 
He could give less of a shit about the pay at this point, as long as he gets to be in this house, smelling your favorite candles and dish detergents, seeing you, being a semi-father to a child who deserves more love than the two of you combined can give…he’ll fucking do anything you want for free. 
It’s difficult sometimes, like he really can’t help it. Some days wandering around this house and imagining how the two of you could have landed on buying it together. How the rooms would be organized if he were here from the start. Claiming his spot on your couch like any dad would. Playing dolls with your daughter, laughing with her, letting her paint his nails and put his hair in little pigtails. He even cleans your pool as if it were his own, meaning, he genuinely cleans it. 
He has taken it upon himself to mow your lawn, confusing the yard workers that you apparently hired years ago. Did he accidentally fire them? Maybe, but any good husband would save you money, right? He checks your mail, waves to your neighbors and lets them make assumptions. 
And every single fucking night it’s harder and harder to go back home.
Especially after a full day of playing dad then seeing you come back so tired. Turning off that switch in his head isn’t easy. He wants to greet you like the husband you don’t have. He wants to ease your hard days in so many ways. Tell you he’s proud of you, that you still look so pretty after an exhausting shift of whatever the fuck you do. He wants to serve you dinner, run you a bath, fix your hair, lay you down– oh, he’s fantasizing again. Unfortunately, he has to settle with seeing the relief on your face when he lets you know in a soft voice that he’s cooked dinner and he will heat it up for you before leaving, kiddo is in her room sleeping, no dishes in the sink, and laundry is folded and put away. 
He loves the appreciation in your eyes, and sometimes even sees a glint of sadness. He can tell you wish you had this from a person who isn’t here for pay. Someone who loves you, and loves your child, and feels joy in making your life easier. 
Fuck, if only you knew. 
And  you’d be lying if you tried to say Haechan isn’t a godsend to you on the days he babysits. Many times you find yourself wishing he’d just move in and do everything that you can’t do. You’d pay him well, give him a guest room, whatever. But it’s just…not viable to support a full time employee like that, nor is it fair to your daughter. 
She needs a parent, not a paid college student who needs some extra cash. You have to be that parent, you have to make time for her and witness all of her joys in life. You have to protect her and never bring in faces of men who claim to want to be a father, only to run and break her heart more than your own. 
For now, you settle with this godsend of a little shit you used to babysit. Still you can barely believe that’s the same person, but again…time changes things. And thankfully, the awkwardness of what you did has died down drastically.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Today, you’re more thankful for Haechan than you have been previously. After a heavy workload has been lifted off your back with the approval of this project, you need a night out. For the first time in years, you’re giving yourself a night out, all because you have someone you can trust to be here for your daughter.
He was so understanding when you called,  happy to come over right then and there to put her to bed and mostly just house-sit for the night. Even without an end time for him, and even without asking for extra pay, he just…accepted with an understanding tone and that stupid breathy chuckle he gives to you when you ask for favors. “What? You need me there right now? I’m putting on my shoes.” He had said.
It’s the fact that now, as he sits on your couch looking at you in your chosen outfit– he seems a little off. Maybe it’s because you asked him where the best spots in town are because it’s been so long since you’ve gone out, or maybe he just feels awkward seeing so much skin on your body. 
To be fair, he didn’t realize you were going out out. He thought that maybe you were gonna go stay with a friend to celebrate and have a drink or two. 
In reality though, he’s just awestruck. Already you look great even after your busy days at work but…this is a different level. The way your tits look in that push-up bra and tiny ass top, when he’s used to seeing you head out in some sort of business casual outfit without an ounce of skin showing save for your ankles or wrists…jesus. He’s struggling more than usual to keep himself calm around you, hopping up on one leg when you walk away to try and adjust the chub in his pants, and releasing a small sigh before you’re looking at him again.
His skin feels like it’s on fire knowing you’re going out looking like that.
“You sure you're okay to sleep over? I figure it’ll be easier since I’m not sure when I’ll come home, or if I come home.” You smile with a wink, your stomach in knots over the two shots you’ve taken for the first time in years. “I can call my friends and tell them not to come if you’d rather focus on your studies.” 
Haechan shakes his head, waving his hands in defense for you as if he didn’t just see the way your tits bounce and squish against your shirt with each move you make. 
“No, no! Go on, have fun.” He says, encouraging you to go out despite hoping you come home with no luck of finding a man out there. 
Just, look at you. Fuck, he’s staring again. He hates knowing that he could be one of the guys at whatever bar or club you’re landing on tonight. He could be the person that makes sure you don’t come home, getting to plant his face right there. He could be whatever you want him to be if you’re looking like that. 
But no, he has to play husband again, which is normally something he’s all too excited to do. Tonight though, he feels like a fucking cuckold. After everything he does for you, after not mentioning how you’ve skipped a few of his payments, after slaving away for hours over your pool, your household chores, fixing and breaking that fucking dishwasher, cooking you dinner every single night he’s here just to make sure you have a meal when you get off of work…you imply you may not come home tonight?
And you’re dressed like that?
And you’re…
God, you just look so good right now. It pains him to know you didn’t dress like this for him, the only man who cares enough to make your life easy. He’s not mad at you, per se, but he’s pissed that you don’t see him as an option despite showing you time and time again that not only is he an option, but the right choice. 
This is what you look like when you want to impress a man? This is how you act? How you talk? Fuck, god, fuck– maybe he’s just too deep in his one-sided roleplay but it really, really fucking feels like he’s watching his woman go off and look for someone else to fuck.
“Thank you, Donghyuck,” You smile, walking over to him with a saunter in your step and a gentle smile across your lips. 
He’s never heard you speak his name so sensually, the way his cock twitches forces him to wince away from you. He’s never even seen you saunter before. Fucking hell, somehow it feels worse seeing you act like this after how many times he’s imagined it, all alone in his room. 
A slow walk from you, with the strap of your shirt slipping off your shoulder, fat tits threatening to spill out, lifting the hem of your skirt, or dress, or whatever you’re wearing in his fantasy at that point. Your voice, so soft, so sexy. And you’re practically bringing his fantasy to life right now, except he knows you’re going to fucking walk away from him like this. Into the fucking arms of some random dude at a club. 
Probably some loser he’s seen on campus too.
“It means a lot.” You add, popping a quick, platonic kiss to the top of his forehead. 
Ah, lip gloss. That little kiss on him is enough to ignite him to the point of no return. He almost wants to skip the part of asking you not to go and straight up just beg that you pick him, that you choose him. It’s not just your home, or the luxuries that come with it. It’s you that he wants. You’re the fucking luxury and you’re just gonna go to some sticky-floored club and pretend he’s not clearly checking you the fuck out right now? Like he’s not about three seconds from dropping to his knees just to see you from the angle you deserve?! 
“It’s no problem.” Haechan relents, dropping himself onto your couch instead and adjusting his body to sink deep into the cushions just to keep himself from arguing against everything he’s giving you permission to do right now. 
Hah. Permission.
“Be safe.” He adds in an even more monotone voice. “I’ll be here when you get back.” 
And god, he seethes in his thoughts after you close that door and hop into the car with your friends. You don’t look like a mother tonight, and he wonders if you’ll be upfront and forward with anyone you intend to hit on too. Probably not. He’s well aware of the men in this city, after all, he’s one of them.
It’s really not something he can control after seeing you like that either. Your child is already in bed and he’s just sitting here on your couch with a throbbing, fucking weeping cock thinking about you. What’s stopping him from taking care of it? You’re not here, after all. 
You’re not fucking here. But everything about you is. 
And that’s how he finds himself in your bedroom for the first time, barely making it a foot into the room before closing the door and dropping to the floor. The scent in your room is different. It’s feminine, gentle, like the energy is kissing him all over and sending goosebumps straight to the head of his cock. He couldn’t even pull it out, already holding his breath with his hand down his pants, vigorously trying to get what he wants so badly yet knowing that his hand will never compare to you. 
And it’s here where he feels like a husband. Spilling against his pants with a silent, choked back sob as he stares forward at your bed, and the way you didn’t make it this morning. It’s messy, and he wants to be in that mess of sheets with you more than anything. 
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Haechan hates that he’s now forced to get used to your late night ventures. Every weekend now. Every. Fucking. Weekend.  You ask if he’s willing to stay over so you can go unwind, and despite his better (or worse) judgment, he accepts. The only solace he finds in these ventures is knowing you consistently come back home right after usual closing times, and you’re mostly sober. Sometimes a bit whiny that you’re not lucking out, worrying that maybe you’re too old now, or maybe you’re just not as desirable. There have even been a few times where you’ve exposed your ex husband during your rants, giving Haechan little hints to follow as to why you’re single, and how he left you. 
Still, he knows in your tipsy state that you usually wouldn’t talk about these things with him, but he’s all too happy to get the details once you come home. Mostly because it calms his rising rage at how you’re doing this to not only him, but yourself. It’s mostly because you’re technically coming home to him though. 
And every single time, you go back to your bedroom to grab his payment even though it could wait until morning, considering he’s been sleeping in the guest room– all he can think about is how he’s been in your room. He’s gotten off countless times by now by the smell of your room alone, still barely able to even reach your bed to lay in it himself for a better experience. God, he’s probably memorized each little fray in your carpeted bedroom floor by now with how much he’s zoned out on it mid-jerk off session right there on his knees at your door. 
He’s truly pathetic for you. 
This time though…three in the morning has passed and normally you’d have been stumbling through the door an hour ago. Normally, he’d be fighting back the need to tell you that you’re beautiful, not too old, and entirely desirable. Normally, he would be fisting his cock again in your guest room before sleep, getting off on the idea that he can cum in a house that you live in, smothered by the sheets you meticulously picked out to match the walls of the room. Moaning for you, practically crying for you to let him do it all. 
Have you really done it this time? Gone off with some man? Are you getting railed right now in some hotel, or car, or someone’s shitty man-cave? God, his mind is racing, both aroused at the fact that you must be horny to be constantly wanting to go out like this, but equally as devastated because like…he’s right here.
Who the fuck cares if you babysat him? He’s a man. No longer that child who sprayed cheese in your hair or dumped salt into the bag of sugar. He’s a fucking man, cooking you dinner when you work, parenting your child, cleaning your house, maintaining your pool and fence….He does everything for you, why the fuck don’t you see it?!
Click.
Haechan’s ears perk up instantly at the sound. He sits up on the couch from his depressed slump of scrolling through his phone, quickly fixing his hair and clearing his throat. 
In you stumble, right into the little entryway table with a whisper-scream of “Shit, fuck–”
Haechan looks at your state before standing to his feet and rushing to you, helping you balance on your feet despite your footing not quite being grounded even with his help. You lean on him closely, letting out an alcohol scented sigh. 
His nostrils flare as he holds his breath, feeling your tit press against his arm, smelling the drinks, the sweat, and the dulled perfume on you. Then, a hint of something else. Musk. 
You’ve been with a man. 
He holds back a gesture at the way you lean on him. Nothing more he could want at this moment but to hold you tightly and tell you that he’s got you, despite the panic in his stomach at the way he sniffs out another man. Out of lust, love, desperation, frustration. This is the closest you’ve been to him for this long. You feel clammy and cold, a clear indication that you drank far, far too much. Your tank top is sticking to you, your eyes are a bit glassy–
“You’re late.” He says shortly.
“Late?!” You raise your voice before looking at him with drowsy eyes, furrowing your brow. “I don’t have a curfe-”
“Shh–” He shushes you, helping you get to the living room. “She’s sleeping and you’re going to have her make a fuss about waking up.”
You giggle to yourself as he drops you onto the couch, now aware that yes, you are not a single college student anymore. You’re a single woman. A fucking mother. 
You should’ve just gotten a hotel for the night and slept there to dream a little longer. 
“Right.” You laugh, slouching, spreading out wide against the couch and trying to fix your gaze on him. “Why’re you still awake?” 
Haechan fixes his eyes on you, swallowing around a lump in his throat. The way you’re slouching…seemingly forgetting that you’re wearing a skirt and basically flashing your panties at him. God, the things could do to you right now. The things he could get away with if he wanted to. He tries to shake those thoughts for now, and instead, inspects you from head to toe.
He’s never seen you look so relaxed. Chest raising and falling with each breath, hair a little messy, lipstick stains smeared on the outsides of your lip line. He chooses to ignore the faint swell against your neck indicating someone has been sucking on you. But, well, he can’t ignore it. Both his cock and heart aches at the very thought.
“You’ve been kissing?” Haechan tries to ask nonchalantly. 
“A lot more than that–” You smile, feeling a flush cross your cheeks before the disappointment hits you square in the gut. 
Haechan watches your face fall, and he mimics it by falling onto the couch and sitting by your head…you know, allowing you to lay your head on him if you want to. You’d probably not notice his arousal anyway, given your state. 
“Oh?” He asks gently, the disappointment now showing plainly on not just your face, but his own.
“Thought I was gonna go home with him, turns out he decided to be done after a blowjob in the parking lot.”
Oh, the way his blood boils. Not for the fact that you were used or rejected, but for the fact that you found someone that you were interested in and genuinely intended to leave your home life in his hands for however fucking long. Really? Just gonna leave him here all alone? Like he couldn’t do better for you?
“It’s for the better–” Haechan says as he shivers with irritation, struggling to keep his facade up. It’s definitely not what you wanted to hear, and definitely not what you’d have expected to hear from a college guy at all either.
“This happened last time too, except he didn’t even get me to the parking lot.” You huff, unaware of how much you’re sharing right now. 
He bites back the anger yet again, inhaling deeply before releasing a calming breath through his nose just to contain it. So…it has happened more than once? 
“Why don’t you let me take you out someday?” He says suddenly, well aware that you’ll probably never remember he said it in the first place. 
If anything, he’s testing the waters for his own sake. He’d hate himself forever if he didn’t at least take advantage of this moment a little bit. 
“Then who will watch my daughter?” You respond in slurred speech, not even comprehending who it is that’s asking you this question right now. Not even thinking about your history with him, or the family ties. 
He, on the other hand, is quite entertained by the way you don’t bring the history up like he expected. His cock twitches at it, bumping your head just a bit, not enough for you to notice apparently. Fuck, it would be so easy for him to pull it out right now, and just…tap your lips with it. 
Maybe you’d even open your mouth for him. 
“I’ll skip class on a Wednesday, we can go while she’s still in daycare.” He continues through an almost-moan, encouraging the conversation to stay positive.
“Donghyuck–” You slur before clearing your throat and sitting back up in a dizzy show of how drunk you are. “You know I can’t do that. It’s too weird.” 
In all fairness, you know he has like…a thing for you. After all, why else would a college dude be spending his weekends here babysitting your kid? It’s not like you haven’t noticed the way he checks you out before you go out for the night. Why would he do all of this if he didn’t have some sort of attraction to you? Sure, you’re taking advantage of it as best as you can despite how you didn’t recognize him at first. 
Despite how deep down, you very well know how attracted to him you are too. 
“Only because you make it weird.” Haechan rolls his eyes as he looks at you, spreading his legs out to adjust his comfort, noting the way you glance down to his lap and see it. “I’m a grown man–” He starts, spreading his legs wider, pressing his cock against his pants to the point you can practically see the outline.”you know this.” He continues, trying to be bold now by reaching forward and moving a strand of your hair from your cheek. 
“You’ve seen it.”
You freeze, suddenly feeling entirely too sober to be talking about this kind of thing with him. With Donghyuck. God, his mother would fucking kill you if she found out he’s in your house while you’re out trying to get fucked by whoever is willing to love you temporarily. 
Haechan sees you thinking though, and continues to take the advantage now that he’s feeling brave. Now that you’ve seen the twitch in his pants and haven’t moved off the couch, or told him to go home. 
“I saw you watching me when I was cleaning your pool, multiple times.” He whispers snidely. “You stopped when you realized who I am. Why?”
“Donghyu–…” You trail off. “You know this isn’t okay. What would people think of me? There are rules, and I will not go down this route with you.”
A rush of air hits your face and suddenly, warmth hits your cheek. You feel him so close, closer than ever before. It’s dizzying. Haechan is over you, hovering with one hand ghosting over your hip. 
“You want to though, don’t you?” He gets even closer now, darting his eyes down at your chest and unable to pull them away. “Knowing how good I am with your daughter? How well I clean up? How strong I can be–”
You swallow hard. For a moment, you almost lean into him. You almost melt right then and there, the need for intimacy so heavy inside of you after being left high and dry, knowing that you’d accept it from just about anyone at this point. But– this is Donghyuck. You can’t. 
You really, really, can’t. 
The look of disappointment in his eyes kind of hurts when you’re pushing him away. That playful smirk falling faster than you think your sanity did the day your ex husband left you. 
“This–” You pause, realizing all too well how he’s used your drunken state against you for this conversation. “This is your last paycheck.”
“I don’t think so.” The smirk is back now, except…it’s different. “You know I promised her a Barbie dream house next weekend.” He smiles fully now. “She’s a bit attached, you know, even called me dad by accident the other day.” 
You’re shocked. 
“She…what?”
“You know she’s attached to me already, don’t be selfish.” Haechan shrugs at you while rolling his eyes, leaning against the couch again and turning his head to look at you. You try to pretend that you don’t see his hand slightly groping himself. “Guess she misses having a father around. Can’t be too easy for her, especially with her mom going out every weekend trying to fuck guys who would run the second they learn about her.” He ticks his tongue now, as if he’s pitying you more than your daughter. 
“Donghyuck, that’s not–”
“That’s not, what?”
“That’s not what I’m doing…” You lower your voice to a near whisper, upset that you couldn’t even enjoy the drunken state you came home in, now feeling entirely too sober, and a little sick in the stomach. 
“Oh, so you haven’t gotten laid since I’ve been here–” He leans closer again now, trying to resume what he was going to do just moments ago. “They haven’t even touched you, have they?” His hands move to your thigh and presses down as if to hold you in place. “Why?”
“I try not to just sleep with anyone.” You lie, knowing you’d sleep with anyone just to feel wanted for once. And you’re trying to ignore his hands on you right now, trying desperately not to like it. It’s the first time a man has touched you in this house since your husband left you. As expected, you almost feel your knees buckle despite sitting comfortably. “I have to be careful, you know?”
“Mm, I know more than you think.” He leans into you, hovering yet again with his upper half over you as he whispers it. “Don’t need to be careful around me though.” He adds, this time trailing his voice right against your jaw, up to your ear. “You must be so frustrated.” He ghosts his lips there for a moment, waiting for you to push him away, or say something, anything, really. 
“Why would I be frustrated?” You lend the smallest of whispers, feeling the goosebumps against your skin rising at the mere thought of giving in just this once.
“Not having anyone to please you.” He adds now, landing a very slight kiss right under your lobe. “Always being used for someone else’s pleasure, maybe?”
You almost nod, feeling weak in your state and thoughts swimming with what if’s, morals, and anxieties. You’re frozen in place despite knowing a simple push would create the distance you need to breathe. 
“Your fingers will never be enough, will they?” He continues, essentially chaining you to this couch with his words alone. You can’t help the fight in your head, you need to feel wanted, and you want so badly to feel needed. “I bet you wish someone would love you for all that you are, not all that you have.” 
It’s silent as you feel his lips press down again, this time moving his body over you almost entirely. You can feel the couch dip a bit as he places all of his weight on a knee, moving his other leg to stand between yours.
“You must need someone to fill that hole in you by now, right? That pussy of yours?” He continues, his tone a bit more snide now as you give in to his hold with shaky breaths. 
And truthfully, Haechan has never let himself come on this strong towards someone before. Usually the wives are doing this to him. They’re trying to convince him, encourage him. He’s so fucking horny right now though, with that daze in your eye, your legs spread around his knee, blinking up at him like a cheating wife. As if you want to apologize, as if you need him to forgive you. Need him to make everything better.
“I heard you the other day, you know, talking to your mom–” He smiles, tilting his head to look into your eyes, seeing a small shine in them. “You want another, don’t you?” He continues, moving his lips now just over yours as he, now, presses you firmly against the couch. “You must hate knowing that I’m the only person who can do that for you.” 
“God, Haechan.” You immediately buckle, not realizing how suddenly he’s not Donghyuck at this moment. He’s someone else. He’s Haechan.
“Why don’t you go for girls on campus?! Don’t you have parties to be attending on the weekends instead of being here, trying to parent my chil–”
“Lower that voice of yours,” He whispers, eyes now hooded as he looks at you. “You know she’s asleep.”
God, he’s right. 
“Besides, why would I want them when I have you right here under me–” He tilts his head. “Looking so disappointed that you like it, too.” 
Right then, your moral code shines into the front of your mind at the consideration of giving in.
A weight on one shoulder chanting, “No! What would people say?! What would people think?!”, and then little to no weight on the other shoulder, echoing in a sweet song of “Finally! Someone who will love you! Finally! Someone! Finally!!! Finally!” 
You pause, not knowing at all what to do. Your body wants to push him away, even your mind and soul wants you to push him away. But you know deep down, you’d only push him away to see if he will try again. No man has ever tried for you like this, and you need more of it. 
To feel desired after so long of neglecting this side of yourself, it’s enough to make a person lose their footing in reality. To give in to just about anyone willing to look at you the way he is right now. It’s the fact that you go out to try and find it, and even with this alone, Haechan has satisfied you more than any stranger promising to make you cum.
“I…don’t know what to say–” You stutter. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I do.” Haechan smiles, glancing at your lips before meeting your eye again. “Why not hand over the reins and relax for a–” His hand dips under your skirt, cupping your sensitive cunt in one hand alone. “Ah, I knew it.” Then, his other hand finds purchase on your chest, lifting your heavy breast in his hand with a blatant, hard squeeze.
After a sharp inhale you look away from him in shame, afraid to admit it despite the truth of it leaking through your panties and onto his palm.
“Wet.” He smiles, no longer looking at you but flicking his eyes back and forth from between your legs, and to your chest. Still, he fumbles around the wet spot, wanting so badly to lift these fingers to his mouth and taste. He’s fantasized about it, about how you’d taste, how warm it would be, what your pussy would feel like against his fingers–
And just as he’s pushing your panties to the side, pads of his fingers touching right where you need them with his eyes hooded and watching you closely, something snaps.
You push his hand away, only to feel him push back, holding you down with more force, gripping your tit tighter, sliding his fingers in before massaging the slit with a blatant moan on his lips. Then, you try again, shoving him back only to hear him chuckle and continue his antics until– you jump to your feet. It felt too good, too grounding to have him touching you like this. You nearly stumble back over the coffee table, but you manage to stand tall and firm despite the fact that even though your mind feels sober, your body is fucking wasted.
“Donghyuck.” You argue immediately, using his name the same way you did when he was a child. “Stop.” 
He throws his hands up in defense, raising his brows in surprise. 
“I–” He pauses, staring at you. “I thought you were enjoying it, my mistake.” 
It’s the fact that you were. You were enjoying it too much, and there would have been no defending your actions if you had given in to the feeling. 
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, fucking stupid. That’s what you are. 
Your ex husband was right all along. Out of everything you’ve accomplished since your heart was shattered, ripped to shreds, stomped on, you’d think it would take a lot more to break you. 
“You ask for too much.” Your ex husband had said once. “You can’t even stand to be alone for one day.” He had said a year or so later. Small digs on who you are and what you need sprinkled into small arguments, only to come more and more from the lips that you kissed and promised to kiss until you die. Until all of his words were to make you feel inadequate. Until everything he said to you stuck with you, forcing your confidence to bury itself six feet under. 
Are you to blame? As it stands, maybe. Why else would you be allowing yourself to consider it? Consider Donghyuck, you mean. Never in your life would you have considered him of all people to be the one that you need. 
Never in your life would you have thought he’d be interested in a woman like you, in a situation like yours, with a child. Why did that night with him stick in your head more than every single mean thing your ex husband said to you? Why did his words seem more believable? 
Because you were drunk at the time? Wet, neglected, and drunk? 
Then why is it that you’re sitting here on your day off with your beautiful, bright-eyed daughter rummaging through your purse for whatever catches her eye….and you’re thinking about him? About what he's doing right now, how he’s feeling, if he’s eaten. 
Why is it that you’ve gone the entire week ignoring his texts, asking if you need him to come resume his job as babysitter? Why the fuck do you want to accept after how he took advantage of your state of mind? After he came onto you and tried to manipulate you? 
Despite all of his words ringing true in the back of your head. That was a dirty tactic he pulled on you. Yet, still…you want him back, and god fucking dammit you could cry knowing your daughter called him “dad.” You hadn’t believed him at first, but after this week alone it slipped from her mouth several times. 
“He’s not your dad, baby, that’s just Donghyuck.” You remember correcting her more than once, and all she responded to you with was a confused expression. 
“Why not?” Is what her little voice gave back to you after her child-like brain decided it was fed up with you correcting her very right assumption of the guy who promised her the Barbie Dream House. 
Why not?
Why not?
Well, if you could have an adult conversation with a five year old it would be much easier to answer that. Because he sprayed cheese in your hair. Because you were seventeen and his babysitter when he was twelve years old. Because you ogled him without recognizing him as your pool boy. Because of a lot of things.
“Uncle Donghyuck.” You finally corrected her again. 
She shook her head, and continued doing and saying as her little mind pleased. It made you miss having a father around for her though. You think she needs it more than you do. 
And that fucking Barbie Dream house is what brings Haechan back. 
Right at your doorstep today, with a gentle knock to the door and a timid smile on his face. He doesn’t even look at you when you open the door, instead he crouches down in front of you with the big, flashy box. He ignores you, tilting himself to look past you and straight at your daughter. 
You hold your breath when she runs to Haechan, arms spread open and laughter shrieking in your ears. Your heart aches so much at this moment. 
Given your work schedule, you’d never gotten to see them interact much. He always came over as she was eating her breakfast, and you always came home after she was put to bed. You guess it’s fair that they have a bond now. She doesn’t even run at you like she does for Haechan. In fact, the only time she ever does is when she had a bad day at daycare or had a tummy ache. 
She runs to you when she needs you, but she runs to Haechan like she wants to. Like she genuinely is attached to him, and his kind smile, and his eyes, and probably that warm embrace that you’ve never let yourself experience.
You watch them, not allowing yourself to melt at the moment because you did not invite him over, nor did you give consent to bring that fucking doll house here. But you can’t say no now, as she clings to his leg when he stands up and looks at you with an almost irritated glint in his eye. 
His eyes trail all over you briefly too, as if checking for any new spots or marks that a man could have put on you. You feel seen, dipping your head to not meet his eye and scratching your neck as if to hide a spot there. There isn’t a mark, it’s just…fear? nervousness? anxiety? 
And then he hauls the box in for her without saying a word to you. You watch him hard now that his back is turned. His voice sounds so loving when he speaks to your child as if she’s an equal. Plopping down on your living room floor with her and opening the large box. 
He Ooo’s and Aahhh’s with her as he pulls each piece out, connecting the walls, the doors, handing her little things to help him with. And both of them are so focused on the task at hand to create a safe space for all of her abused barbie dolls that… you feel invisible.
For the first time ever in front of them both, you feel like you are nothing but a ghost. That he is the single parent. As if you’re forgotten, less loved, not wanted, not even needed. 
There’s a bubbling in your gut when you tear up, reminding yourself that what Haechan did that night was probably just, well, he’s a man. Men aim to fuck at all times usually, and you guess you should have expected it at one point from him because, again, you’re aware that he’s attracted to you. Even more aware now. 
But the way you feel right now outshines that. He’s ignoring you to keep your child happy. She is ignoring you because it seems Haechan does a better job at it than you do. 
And, well, he’s not holding you down, whispering things in your ear, letting out frustrated little sighs at your drunken or drowsy words now. So, you say nothing. All you can do is go to the kitchen and prepare a snack, trying to force the tears to stay inside of you with quiet sniffles, hoping you can join their little picture perfect moment so that you can be helpful too. 
Your heart swells when they both look at you as you present a plate of snacks. You have to hold back tears again at the way their eyes shine, thanking you for the snacks. Haechan’s eyes stay on you a bit longer though, as if saying “See? See what you’re making her go without?” 
You do see it. 
But…it can’t be him. As much as you wish it could be, you just can’t. There has to be another man out there just like him, one that doesn’t have a history with you that would cause whispers and questions. There has to be. 
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
That moment you witnessed seems to have solidified Haechan’s place in your home. Whether it be for babysitting or simply so your child can see him when she’s asking for him (which is often.) It’s kind of an issue, actually, because now the choice isn’t yours anymore and it appears Haechan knows that.
You hate that you’re forced to see him for what he is now. How he proves himself over and over again to be the man you need. The issue is that you still don’t want it to be him. The bigger issue is that he’s breaking down your walls, doing little things for you, looking at you with those dark eyes– your resolve cracks and reminds you every time he’s here that maybe it could work. Maybe you’ll give him a chance. Maybe you won’t have to go out anymore looking to fill a void that no one else fits into. 
It’s the way that now, you can’t help but to compare him to your ex husband. The man who you loved for so long, who you genuinely thought you’d spend your life with happily and safely. Now, compared to Haechan, your ex seems like…nothing. Like a little crack in your resolve. He was older than you by just two years, took care of you for so long, impregnated you, and slowly but surely throughout all that time grew to resent you too.
You still don’t know why, but perhaps it’s just because you were growing into your own. You were becoming more independent, though he never had the capability to realize just how much you depended on him during the very time he left you. 
“I just don’t want to do this anymore.” Your ex had said to you on that fateful morning. 
Your belly was big as you tried to waddle up to him when he said that. You can’t help but think back now and wonder how pathetic you must have seemed when he yanked his arm from your grip, especially due to the difficulty of your pregnancy already. You were sick through most of it, only having a few good days here or there where that pregnancy glow would make your ex husband second-guess himself. 
The slam of the door after that was more exhausting than the months of pregnancy you’d gone through. It felt loud, so loud you could hear it vibrate throughout your whole body. You recall falling to the floor and carefully holding your stomach. It’s like all of the heartbreak pooled there. The loss of your husband three weeks before he got to meet the child he was supposed to love. Her little heart must have been breaking inside of you too. 
Double the pain.
And then you were mending yourself on your own. Going into labor early from stress,  your family helped take care of you more than her. You were needier. You were broken. 
And never, fucking ever, did you think you’d find yourself sitting comfortable in your lavish home realizing that your ex-husband didn’t deserve all of that pain from you. He left you for that girl, and not two months later did she leave him. 
Never did you think you’d find yourself thinking about Haechan as a replacement either. Well, not a replacement, but like, maybe just…he’s the idea of a perfect dad if you pay attention to how your child talks about him. How they act together. How she cries for him before bed when he’s not there, asking you why you don’t read to her the way Haechan does. Why don't you sing to her the way he does? Why don't you use the same voices for her dolls? Why you don’t cut her food like he does, why you don’t do this or that.
That’s what makes it click the most you think. The fact that Haechan has given her something you never can. The love of a father. It doesn’t even feel like he’s babysitting at this point, he’s parenting, teaching her lessons, bandaging small boo-boos, fixing her hair,…cooking dinner, cleaning…existing here like he belongs.
Haechan has done more for your daughter than your ex husband ever could have, more than you could have done for her too, you think. 
Even now, as you come home night after night and see him, you struggle to see him as anyone that isn’t who your daughter needs. Maybe who you need. 
His summer semester is coming to an end too, and it’s hard to see him as a college student now. He really does coursework and everything that needs to be done at your home all within a single work day? With no complaints at all? Lately, you’ve noticed that he’s been more focused on studying when he babysits too, but still your daughter listens to him better than she listens to you. 
Yet, still, it’s like you’re avoiding each other as you go through the motions, but you notice him more. You feel more discomfort because of it, mostly because you know your resolve about this is breaking. There’s a fear inside of you that revolves around him.
What if you missed your chance? 
What if it does end up being a mistake if he still wants you?
You don’t know what to do, but you know you want him. 
Some nights, Haechan does sleep over due to exhaustion and you don’t even ask him to leave because you know he’s not doing it to try anything. The avoidance is loud. Lately, you come home from work and there he is, sitting up with his laptop on his lap but sound asleep, softly snoring. Each time, you remind yourself of how he’s sacrificing his study time to babysit. You know your child can be distracting and needy when she wants something too, but he doesn’t complain even a little bit. The least you could have done was bring him a blanket, which you did. And you woke the next morning to find him curled up on the same couch, laptop toppled over onto the floor.
Small, gentle acts of kindness towards each other but never face to face. You’ve woken to fresh coffee countless times, made exactly the way you like it because you know he’s watched you make it yourself. You’ve come home to re-stocked items, like milk and eggs, laundry detergent, and even toothpaste. It’s nice, and a small indication that he doesn’t resent you. Even through face-to-face avoidance on your part.
Tonight seemed different though, compared to all of the other nights when you can’t go out. You walked through the door to the smell of dinner and your child still awake, sing-songing at you the moment you walked in. 
“Dad said I can stay up late!” 
You quirk a brow, her calling him that now becoming a regular occurrence to the point it goes through one ear and out the other for you. You recall discussing her bed time though, with absolutely no exceptions.
“Did he now?” You hug her before taking off your cardigan, walking with her to the kitchen where you find Haechan, placing down a small plate on the table with cartoon characters on it, right in front of two bigger plates with bigger portions of delicious looking food placed neatly on it.
Your heart swells, but your anxiety grows twice as big alongside it. This. 
This is what you’ve wanted for so long. This is what you never thought you could find. So, why is it that you still have push-back in your mind? Despite knowing that Haechan has proven himself time and time again, you want to argue?! 
Perhaps it’s because you like the way he tries. Maybe you’re not ready to lose that feeling of being chased in some way, of being begged to let him stay. Maybe it’s because you begged your husband, desperate for him to keep you, but he left anyway. It feels like Haechan gives you power over yourself, over your love-life, over everything, really. 
And if you were to actually accept his advances, even just a dinner on your table, what if he stops? What if he gets bored once he gets what he wants? After all, he’s still young, you can’t truly imagine he wants to do this forever. 
Not with you, and not with your daughter either. 
“What’s all this? Isn’t it a bit late for her to have dinner?” You question him instantly, anxiety bubbling up out of assumption alone. 
“We had a small snack a few hours ago.” Haechan reassures you. “I finished my exams and had a burst of energy to celebrate, besides, it’s a Friday–” He goes to pull out a chair for you. “You don’t need to be up early either. A late dinner every now and then never hurt anybody.”
The way this is the first time the two of you have had a face-to-face conversation since…that night. His voice calms you, and that’s scary. 
You huff, happy because you could easily melt into this chair and pretend you’re having a family dinner, like you always wanted, like you never rejected a touch from him that you desperately wanted. You could just play along and pretend Haechan is everything you need. Except, it wouldn’t even be pretending at this point. The whole idea of him has changed. But, again, that anxiety. You still have that little voice holding you back, no matter what you want, or what you need, you fear it’ll be ripped from you again if you were to let yourself be weak for another person.
“I’m really tired, Donghyuck.” You explain, walking past the kitchen and towards your bedroom. “Thanks for dinner but I’m not too hungry and I just want to lay down.”
And with that, he watches you leave. No real appreciation, no congratulations on him finishing his exams, not even a kiss to your child’s forehead. Is he still expected to be the one to put her to sleep? 
Why is he even here? Why did he do all of this? 
His patience is running dry.
So, he eats with your child as your plate goes cold and he leaves it there. If you can’t even handle a dinner at the table with the person who cooked it, you can deal with your own fucking plate. Throw away your own fucking food, wash your own fucking dish. And if you can’t tuck your child into bed, he’ll do it, but you can shove that fake ass exhaustion right up your ass for all he cares. 
He knows you’re not exhausted. He’s seen you when you are. You’re just being an asshole to him at this point, trying to appear like you’re perfectly happy with the life you live when your drunken rants prove otherwise. You treat him like everything he does has an ulterior motive. Which, yeah, maybe it does, but he was genuinely excited to have someone celebrate the end of this semester with him. Maybe assuming you’d indulge him went too far. For the first time, he wasn’t doing it to impress you.
By the time Haechan gets your daughter to bed, all tucked in with a little tune to fall asleep to, he closes her door and just stands there in the silence on the other side of it. 
You must really enjoy being a single mother, huh? This is why too. He always questioned it. You’re so attractive, so well-adjusted. You work hard, your daughter is a sunshine in this world, and you’ve not managed to find anyone to love you yet? He thought he was lucky to be the one getting to spend time with you. 
Turns out, you refuse to let anyone in despite Haechan knowing, fucking seeing straight through you. You want something from someone. You need it, yearn for it, even. But it’s almost laughable at the way you refuse it. 
Excuses, excuses, excuses. 
It’s the fucking audacity you have taking advantage of him. You’ve practically led him on. You lend him everything he wants in life. That’s it. You lend it. From flaunting yourself before you go to bars, to exposing all the marks you allow other men to leave on you. Letting him stay in this house, father your child, cook, clean, mend, fix, heal. 
From being a faux-father to being minimized to a college student that you used to babysit. He’s offered you relief in so many ways including sexual, and all you fucking do is avoid, deny, fucking reject him. You still go out to bars, later and later you’ll come home with new swells against your skin, but always looking so empty and disappointed. Sometimes he thinks you try to make him jealous. Sometimes, he thinks you want him to try again. 
Sometimes, he thinks you get off on the fact that he keeps trying.
And he has tried. Albeit more gently lately, but he has. Small, lingering touches when he hands you your coat to help you get out the door and to work quicker. Starting your car for you before you leave. Fuck, he even opens the goddamn door for you. Anything to make you feel appreciated, respected, and fucking wanted.
The silence is loud in his ears due to the sheer irritation as he drops his head, staring at his feet and knowing it’ll only take a few strides to reach your bedroom. A room he still craves to be in.
He’s raided those drawers by now, because of course he has. Soiling your panties, your sheets, anything that still smells like you when you’re gone for the day, all so he can act normal upon seeing you when you come home. He’s laid in your bed by now too, wondering what it would feel like to have your weight beside him. He fantasized about anything and everything he possibly could in there.
And he’s always warmer. Always cums the hardest with weak, muffled moans as he stuffs your pillows into his mouth to keep quiet. All before cleaning every trace of himself there, closing the door, and wishing he was allowed to exist in there with you. 
Right now will be the first time Haechan enters your room to your knowledge, and it sucks for him because he has essentially trained himself to get hard every time he opens this fucking door. Still, he composes himself, and it’s a bit of a shock if you’re being honest.  You thought he’d go home after this, you were kind of hoping he would after you made it so awkward. 
You felt guilty the second you saw his expression fall to your rejection of eating dinner like a big fucking happy family. You want it so bad, you want him so bad.
When you left the kitchen, you immediately went to your room and hopped in the shower, well aware that he wouldn’t follow you. You thought hard while the hot water made attempts to wash away your feelings. Would it have been so bad to just eat with him? With your daughter? With both of them? The way his eyes fell, it burned your heart a little bit.
Still, no answers came to you because you know part of you just wants to see what else he will do for you. Despite the history with him, and despite knowing his entire family would question and scoff at you for it…Is it really so wrong? To want to give him a chance just to see if he’ll leave you too? 
Just to see if it’ll hurt when he does it too?
Inviting him to your home almost every day of the week isn’t wrong, right? Forgetting to pay him all those times before, hoping to see him again and get that confidence boost, that wasn’t wrong. Letting your daughter attach herself to him when you swore he wasn’t permanent, no longer having the energy to correct her use of “dad” towards him… none of that is wrong.
 It’s all Haechan. He’s the one in the wrong for willingly following along, not you. Right? 
And as you’re sitting on your bed in your towel, zoning out and staring at your floor, Haechan swings your bedroom door open without a single knock, mindfully closes it, and immediately goes off on you.
Somehow, you really expected him to accept your rejection but your heart swells that he didn’t. You don’t think he ever will, and you’re exhausting yourself hoping he’ll prove you wrong.
He’s shown you enough by now. This is what breaks down that wall inside of you, isn’t it?
“What am I doing wrong?” He shoots his first question out in a desperate whisper shout, eyes searing into you before continuing without a single breath. “Because I do everything for her, and i do everything  for you, does that really make you so fucking uncomfortable?”
“D–” You try to respond, feeling your skin prickle at the sheer irritation in his expression.
He’s fighting for you.
“Isn’t that what you want?!”
“After everything I do–” He throws his hands up now, running his fingers through his hair as if you make him feel like he wants to rip it out. “After trying to make your life easy while making mine harder, for what? You to not eat the fucking food I made? For you to go to the bar all the time just to come back disappointed like I’m not right here waiting for you to come back?” 
“What ar-”
“Don’t ask me any stupid fucking questions, Just answer me.” He drops his hands, stepping up to you, placing both hands on either side of your hips, doing his best not to react to your near-naked body. “Why?”
You lean back, trying to create more distance to try and give him an answer that you don’t even know yourself, but he just keeps closing in. Not letting you escape this time. You’ve never seen him so riled up before, it’s…
Well…
“Because I came onto you? Because I tried to do what no one else will do for you?” His voice shakes when he says it, and you can feel the heat radiating from him. Is he…about to cry?
Only now, seeing him so close with an entirely sober brain do you realize an answer. Maybe not to his question of why, but to the same question you’ve been asking yourself. It’s because of that look in his eye. You’ve never been able to put a word to it, but now with him demanding you explain yourself so closely, you see it.
He’s desperate. 
Arguably as desperate as you’ve felt to fill the void. Except, he’s trying to do that for you and you won’t let him out of what? Fucking fear? Hell, at this point the history means close to nothing when it comes to all the new memories he’s made in this home, even without you. The history of babysitting him, the history of your ex husband leaving you. It doesn’t matter.
You think hard, so hard that you feel your eyes burn as you stare up at him. Glancing without intention to his jaw when he clenches it, to his neck when he swallows his words, to his lips, his eyes, the hair falling in his face…and you just–
You reach up, running a soothing hand through his hair to get it out of his face. Then you see those same desperate eyes somehow grow more desperate as he lowers them, leaning into the touch, as if you’ve been starving him the same way you’ve been starved for years. He falls silent too, cutting himself off mid-question just to feel you touch him for the first time.
“I don’t know.” You say, which seems like a better answer than having an excuse. What can you say otherwise? That it’s because it shouldn’t  be him? That you’re afraid he’ll realize he’s not ready to settle? To be a dad? He’ll ask why, and it’ll be the same answer you gave on that drunken night. An answer that you no longer care about. 
You babysat him when he was a child, but you were still a child too. 
You were still a child, and time changes things.
Your ex husband left you, and you’re afraid he will too, especially because he’s so much younger? Who cares?
Your answer seems to fly right past his head though, because he’s still leaning to feel your fingers in his hair, and he’s looking at you as if nothing you say will matter unless you make it hold some weight to him. 
“Donghyuck–” You pause, scratching right at his nape, uncaring of how you can feel your towel loosening on your body. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”
Somehow, his name on your lips is what he needed to hear. The tone of it, the rasp in your voice, your fingers in his hair. Actions speak louder than anything the two of you could say right now, and he can’t help it. Nothing can stop him, not even you at this point. 
He hasn’t done anything wrong you say? It’s because he fucking knows what you need.
You inhale deeply, holding your breath when you feel your back hit your mattress, his warm hands instantly taking advantage of your freshly-showered state and tugging at the towel just slightly to let it fall open. You hear a slight breath from him at that moment, an inhale. There, he climbs onto the bed, nudging himself between your legs and trapping you there under him, both hands holding your arms down.
Like he’s afraid you’ll reject him again.
“You’re going to let me take care of you now.” He demands, though to him it sounds more like a plea solely due to the fact that he’s so fucking turned on it’s unreal. That feeling of when your fingers were in his hair? Seeing your naked body? Unshaved pussy? Being in this fucking room with you? It throws him into overdrive, especially with the way you just lay there blinking up at him in surprise. The anger melting away only amplifies it more. 
How could you do this to him? Genuinely, how could you have let him fucking suffer for you like this? 
Still, you blink up as if you’re a deer caught in headlights and it makes his heart thump against his ribcage. Your eyes are so bright, that glint of sadness he had seen so many times isn’t there right now. And there’s so much adrenaline inside of him, like he needs to move fast before you change your mind again. You’ve not let him do this for some fucking reason or another and now you’re just laying here for him.
 There, with your entire body on display, and you appear to be docile. Fucking obedient? Like he always knew you would be if you’d just drop the fucking act?! You were meant for him and him alone, and he’s going to show you why.
In all honesty, you’re tired of denying yourself by now. From the moment you saw him that day cleaning your pool for the first time, you’ve wanted him on some level. It wasn’t an emotional attachment, but a hope, a fantasy for you. And when you recognized him, you were more impressed with him than embarrassed. You tried not to let your eyes wander out of guilt, out of feeling like a pervert. 
And then, that day when he came onto you, he was just a man to you. Your faux guilt kept you from letting him, and your hope to be chased kept you from it too. As if you’ve never pleasured yourself to the thought of him, shamefully in this very bed. As if you’ve never called out his name with a silent breath. If you keep going at this point, you’ll lose him before ever knowing what he could really be for you. 
This is his last ditch effort to beat you at your own game, and you’re ready to lose.
  So, now, you let yourself get lost in him. In his eyes and the way he pleads and makes his demands. He probably doesn’t recognize his strength against you right now, or how much it’s turning you on. With the way he has both hands on your wrists, probably bruising them, and there’s nothing you could do even if you wanted to. His weight holding you down feels better than you imagined. 
After so long, with so many failed hookups where you’ve told them of your daughter and all they’ve done in return is get their orgasm then leave…Haechan. He wants to take care of you? 
He wants to…give you what you need?
Fuck, you know he can. That’s the fucked up part. He’s proved it so many times to you in so many ways. You’ve watched him, the way he moves and acts around you. He’s exactly what you need.You pushed him to this point, where his sanity is on the brink of crashing. Taking it away from him again feels wrong, because it’s exactly what you want.
And when he presses his leg between yours, he knows.
“Again?” He comments, now releasing your wrist from one hand and running it down, able to slip his fingers right into the slick of your bare pussy. “You’re wet.” 
You still just blink up at him with an intake of breath at the pleasure, thoughts running left and right on what to do, finally realizing you don’t want to do a damn thing. He’d do it all if you let him. Clean your house, be a father, fix all of the breaks, make you wet.
And you just feel him, the way his fingers play around with what he does to you. You can practically feel his confidence rise at the way you spread your legs a bit more, as if to give him more access. When you look at him, his expression remains harsh, but slowly he moves himself down, lips brushing over one of your nipples while keeping eye contact.
Still that irritated look, like he’s mad you haven’t let him do this before now.
“How many times are you going to pretend like I’m not the one who gets you wet?” He asks before rubbing circles around your clit, tongue flicking in the same way around your nipple. “Like I don’t have a right to take care of you?”
Your breath is still caught in your throat, trying to be careful about what you say right now despite knowing you can’t speak. You focus on what he’s doing instead, losing yourself to something you’ve not felt in far, far too long. 
He’s right. He’s gotten you wet more than once by now. More than he knows. 
And goddamn, he knew your tits could bounce, but the way they move without the support of a bra, the plush, soft feeling of your nipple growing erect in his mouth, all for him to bite and pull at. He does it too, listening to the little seething sound of pain from you when he pulls all the way back with your nipple between his teeth. Only to let it fall from his mouth and break eye contact with you to see the jiggle as it falls.
His cock twitches, at everything that you are right now, feeling more pleasure through seeing you like this alone compared to fucking his own fist on your bedroom floor. He notes how your legs squeeze him more at the nipple stimulation than his fingers too, memorizing the way your labia falls open between them. He smirks, flicking his tongue more, quicker. 
There. There it is.
A low rumble in your chest falls from your lips. Soft, a moan. A very small, delicate sound.
“You like this?” Haechan asks, looking up at you, letting his tongue fall from his mouth again and flicking the erect nub. “When I play with your tits?”
You nod, throwing an arm over your face in embarrassment that this is actually happening. You’re letting him. Already you feel yourself heat up more, even when he takes his fingers away from your clit and instead, uses them to flick your other nipple. 
And he does this for a few minutes. Paying special attention to your tits, going back and forth with his fingers and tongue to each bud, trying so hard to not stop just to shove his cock between them and use them the way he’s always wanted. He focuses on drawing out more and more little sounds from you instead, slurping his own saliva from your painfully erect nipples, pulling back, blowing cold air, then warming it up again with his lips. All while simultaneously groping, flicking, and pinching with his other hand. 
“Jesus, Haechan–” You moan quietly, chest rising and falling as he squeezes and licks against you. 
That’s right, say his name. Let him fucking know he’s doing what you like. Haechan thinks, feeling his cock weep in his pants as he does it. Wondering just how sensitive you are to be reacting like this to simple nipple stimulation. God, he’s wanted to suck on these for so long, and now you’re letting him. They’re so big, so plush. He wants to fucking cover them with his mouth, he wants to bury his face in them, kiss them all over them. 
And if they were to get bigger? He moans at the thought, remembering that conversation you had with your mom. You want another. He bets they’d swell up–Oh, fuck yeah. They’d probably hurt to rub against your shirt. God, fuck, he can’t control his thoughts right now.
 Finally. 
Fucking finally, he has you and he’s not going to let you run away again.
He doesn’t fucking care if it’s forward. He wants what he wants, you want what you want. That want just so happens to line up. Besides, he’s already proved himself to you, he knows it. If you’re letting him do this, maybe you’d let him stay like this. 
“Did they get bigger?” He moans briefly as he swaps to your other nipple again. “So full, so heavy, were they leaking all over you?”
You listen to him, trying not to feel the pit in your stomach bubble with even more arousal at his blatant and dirty words, feeling your clit throb at the stimulation your tits are getting right now. 
“Makes my dick fucking throb just thinking about it. Fuck–” 
“Let me give you another,” He mumbles now, almost mindlessly before looking up at you with an intense gaze as he bites down, indicating that he’s not mindless about it at all. 
“Swell you up, make you glow–”
Oh. 
Why is that– why are you dripping?
He hears that moan you let out. Different from the others, almost desperate.
“Mm, yeah.” He encourages it, now allowing his hand to travel back down to witness how much wetter you’ve gotten at those words. So messy, so perfect. “Knew you’d want it raw.”
You can’t help the nod, as it comes before you even process his words solely because you feel his fingers slip inside of you. You haven’t been this wet in so, so long. You want to feel it. To be full again, of anything. Of him.
“Ye-” You start, interrupting yourself with a bite of your lip and your eyes rolling back. 
“That’s right mama,” He coos, tilting his fingers up and amplifying the pressure inside of you. “Gonna let me take good care of this pussy, yeah?” He adds, lifting from your tits and ghosting his lips over yours. 
He watches you closely, that daze in your eye. God, you look so horny right now. There’s nothing more he wants than to see this time and time again. To let you wake up every morning with his warm cum inside of you, to see your belly swell with his child, to see your tits grow until they hurt. 
He’d take care of you. He’d take good fucking care of you. 
“Say something.” Haechan whispers against your lips, darting his tongue out against your lips, angling his fingers up and making you moan. “Say you want me to give it to you raw.”
You open your mouth, feeling his tongue lick and swallow up that moan you just gave him before you try to compose yourself. You can’t help it, you’re so, so sensitive right now and you can’t help but find it incredibly sexy to be here, laid bare, while he’s still fully clothed.
Like he really is doing this for you. He’s not trying to get his own orgasm and leave. You’re weak and those words of “let me give you another” shines in your head. Weak, you’re weak. You should be thinking about condoms, you should be thinking about the consequences of this. 
But you’re not. 
You do like it raw.
“Haechan–” You stutter as you try to grasp the reality of his words, feeling his fingers repeatedly hit right where you need it. “I’m…not protected.”
He moans. Loudly, before huffing out an irritated groan.
“You must really want it then.” He narrows his eyes at you. “Going out all the time trying to get fucked–” 
He plunges his fingers in again, deep, and holds them there as he pulls back to look at you. To really look at you, then he glares.
“You’d really let just some fucking dude give you a baby?” 
You repeatedly shake your head. 
“No!” You retort, thrusting your hips up. “I just–”
“Mhm,” He pulls his fingers out now, sliding himself down so fast that you can barely comprehend him sucking your clit into his mouth before pulling back in a moan at the taste of you. “If mama wants another, daddy will give her one.” He says now, as if to pacify you.
As if to give you everything. 
And you’d argue, really, you would.  You want another child so bad, but this is– it’s too soon. You haven’t even established a relationship with him yet. Boundaries haven’t been discussed. His college plan– but fuck it’s not entirely your fault that you’re like, super turned on by the idea of it. To the thought of being so filled with cum that there’s no possible way you couldn’t end up pregnant. An indication that, no matter what, no man at a club could fulfill the arousal for you even if they cared to do it. 
You’d never have let them actually fuck you raw. 
Haechan though…how can you keep telling him no?
How could you reject him again when you want it so badly? 
Fuck now, think later.
“Yeah–” You say against your better judgement, hands reaching down to his hair so you can grind up against his mouth, lost to the arousal as you mimic what he referred to himself as. “Daddy?”
You feel his mouth fall slack at that, as if you’re accepting him in full now. You feel your clit hit nothing in his open mouth, but it throbs harder. 
 He knew you were slightly into him for letting him do this at all, but now, you’re truly accepting it. Like you know he’ll fucking do it, like you want him to fucking do it.
“That’s right,” He moans against your clit as he licks at it, barely able to comprehend your voice calling him that but clinging to it all the same.  “Gonna let daddy do it all for you.”  
Yeah. You are. You’re gonna let him do it. All of it. 
And then, the room is enveloped in quiet moans, more from Haechan than from you due to your breath being stuck in your throat. His tongue, licking every part of your sensitive cunt, his hands reaching back up to your tits, fondling, pinching, painfully tugging at them as he moans louder, louder, louder for you to want him.
He presses his hips up and against your mattress as he tastes you, so deeply it hurts his cock to neglect it like this. Each rub feels raw, twitching and pulsing to be let out, to be inside of you, on you, against you. Filling you up with his cum, plugging it in as a promise that you can’t leave him even if you wanted to. 
He’s going to fucking do exactly what he said he would. 
And only when you feel his tongue lap against your hole do you finally release your breath, “Daddy” coming out in a choked back sob. It breaks him, his body going into overdrive as he pulls back and just– stares at you with wild eyes. 
You stare back up at him, knowing that calling him that means something more than a cringe little roleplay kink. It means something deeper to him. He wants to be a dad, a real one.
“Oh yeah?” He finally says, hands going straight to his button and zipper. 
You can’t help it, biting your lower lip as you blink up, watching his shoulders move, the veins on his arms protruding as he rushes to pull it out and– oh. You moan at it, the way his heavy, slicked up, cock falls out, dark, needy. 
“Daddy–” You urge him on, knowing that it’s driving him absolutely insane. 
“Mhm?” He shuffles himself off the bed, letting his pants drop as he lifts his shirt off of him and fucking glares at your tits. “You want daddy’s cock?”  He adds now, shooting his eyes up to you as both of his hands land on your legs.
Your mind goes blank when you feel him slide his hands around to the back of your thighs, pushing your legs forward, curling you in on yourself, forcing your pussy to be out and on display for him. 
And you watch him, the way he stares down at it. It’s embarrassing to be so seen right now, not having expected to get fucked open by anyone tonight, let alone him. You probably should have shaved or something, or like, not gotten out of the habit in the first place. But he moans at it, mouth falling open at the fact that you are entirely a fucking woman. 
A fucking mother.
The prettiest pussy he’s ever fucking seen let alone tasted.
And he moans, breaking the silence, forgetting only for a moment how long he’s been wanting this. It boosts your confidence more than you’ve ever felt. His reaction to this is more than your ex husband’s reaction to you when you were pristine and borderline pornstar quality. 
Haechan doesn’t see you as used and neglected, he just sees you. And this. This is the pussy he wants. This is what he wants to put his baby in. 
When he flicks his eyes back to you, with that same open mouthed expression, it knocks the breath out of you. There’s so much love in his eyes, or maybe lust, you don’t care. You think you’re matching that expression for him too, because it’s like he can’t hold back anymore. He can’t just sit and look at you anymore. 
He just can’t.
And you feel it, his thick head pushing past the tightened, pulsing hole and not stopping. He pushes in slowly, painfully slow, to the point you’re both looking at each other with a slack jaw. Finally. The pain of it, the pleasure, the fucking need you’ve been trying to fulfill. 
That look on your face drives him wild too, he knows he has you by now. You like it, you love the way he slides in and makes damn sure you feel it. Every second of the slide pries you open, and he wants to remember this moment forever. He wants you to fucking remember too. 
Wants you to know that no one will ever fit inside of you so perfectly, so deeply.
When he finally bottoms out, he leans forward to keep himself buried deep as he ghosts his lips over yours. He feels the way you try to kiss him, but he pulls back with a confident smirk. 
“When was the last time you’ve felt a cock so deep in you?” He whispers hotly, knowing you need not answer. Knowing you won’t answer, not with the way you’re instantly lifting your head and kissing him. 
Your pussy pulses around him when you lick into his mouth, the first real kiss sending his heart soaring. He twitches inside of you with each squeeze, and kisses you harder, deeper. And somehow, it brings tears to your eyes. 
The way he kisses, the way he makes you feel him. Fuck, the way he makes you feel whole, so wanted, like you’re amazing to him. In more ways than just a body to fuck, but he’s stuck around despite all of your avoidance and rejections. You hope you’re making it worth it. 
Fuck, you need to feel worth it to him.
“You’d better not fucking pull out.” You groan through a breath, his lips still kissing you through your words as he finally pulls his hips back, fucking in once. 
Hard.
Honestly, could you have said anything else at this moment? He’s trying to make this last, he needs it to last. If you keep fucking talking, saying everything he’s ever wanted to hear– 
“Fuck,”  He moans, his hands moving up to your cheeks as he licks into your mouth. “You can’t–”  He continues, fucking in again, moving your body up with each thrust do to the sheer force of him trying to plunge in as deep as he can. “You can’t fucking say that to me right now.”
You’re seeing stars though, unable to say anything else as your eyes roll back at the way the head of his cock practically kisses your cervix with each push into you. He’s so rough, so desperate for it. 
You don’t think he expected you to respond either, with the way he keeps his lips on yours, his body pressed so closely that having your legs to your chest means nothing to him now. Mating press be damned, he’s lost his mind to the feeling, not the aesthetic of being a fucking dad. 
Your legs wrap around him instead, and he’s all too happy to feel it. Your legs hug him the same way your arms do, the same way your pussy does, and he’s fucking in love with you. 
He braces one hand back against your leg, holding it against his hips as he continues to fuck forward, still at the same pace. Deep and with purpose. Every few seconds the bursts of pleasure run through him, making him shiver and moan into your mouth. Little grunts, near whimpers for you to let him give you the world. 
More than this. More than fucking, more than taking care of you, more than anything he could ever possibly give you. He’ll find a way. 
And then, you’re clenching hard, matching his near-whimpers except moaning in full pants, babbling and drooling cries against his mouth. 
“Mama–” Haechan soothes, continuing his pace as he tilts his head back to get a good look at that lost gaze in your eyes. “You’re crying?”
You nod with a laugh, tears rolling down the same way the wet of your cunt slips down your ass. You’ve never felt so good, so fucking full.  And for some reason, that does him in. Making it last be damned, he genuinely thinks he’s won you over. He can make it last next time, he can do more next time, he can–
He leans back all the way now, onto his knees as your legs try to hug him back to you, and his eyes go straight back to those tits. The way he made a promise. The way they bounce, slick with his sweat from pressing against you. 
“Fuck, you’re so pretty.” He grunts in a breath, now quickening his pace and snapping his hips. Pulling out all the way briefly to plunge into your again. “Can’t get any deeper–” He continues, flicking his eyes from your face, to your tits, to that beautiful pussy of yours swallowing him up. 
Now his eyes roll back, hands going back to your thighs to push you back into position. No way in hell can he last, not at a pace like this, inside of a woman like you. 
“Don’t pull out.” You repeat again in a breath, seeing his face and the way he focuses solely on you. You know he’s going to cum, and you want him to. You want to feel it, every single fucking drop of it. 
“Yeah?” He nods his head with laser-focus on your pussy now, staring down as he points tight, short thrusts inside of you. “Momma wants my cum? Hm?”
Oh, he’s fucking gone.
“She likes it?” He continues to talk himself up. “Likes being so fucking full of it? Yeah?” 
Goddamn, fuck, he’s insane. 
“Yes, daddy–” You whisper-shout, fingers shooting to your clit, other hand raising to your mouth to silence the moans as to not be too loud. 
“Fuck, yeah you do.”  He lets out a near growl, his voice low and rumbled as he slaps your hand away, pressing hard on your clit with his thumb as he buries himself in you once more and stiffening his abs. “That’s right.”
And instantly upon feeling him pulse, that first spurt of cum painting your insides, you lose yourself with him. Your fingers drop from your mouth and you release a pornographic moan for him, rutting yourself against him, as if to fuck it deeper into you. 
It only prolongs the orgasm though, for both of you. 
Haechan is silent, trying to keep his eyes open through the pleasure as you pulse and squirt around him, his thumb pressing so hard  into your clit, his cock cumming so deep, filling you up so well– He wants to see it. Wants to watch you fall apart for him. Wants to witness the way you let him do this. 
And he holds himself there, so hard and so full of pleasure for you. Keeping himself practically impaled against your cervix until your body falls slack. Still, he fucks it into you, holding you in place with a softer moan now. No longer guttural or deep from his chest. His breathing is rough, a soft, near feminine moan leaves his lips as he falls forward onto you. 
You wince along with him at the sensitivity, panting, a sweating tangle of a mess the two of you have become. And it’s the fact that it’s the first time you’ve ever gotten off at the same time as someone else. You feel…soft. 
Your hands find their way to his hair as his face squished against your tits while he regains breath, not daring to move his hips because your pussy is too warm to leave right now. You brush the sweat-slicked hair out of his eyes, running your fingers all the way back to his nap, and then slowly down his back to rub and scratch.
He shivers at the feeling, humming the same feminine-tone he had released previously. And all he can do is hear your heart thumping against your chest, even through these soft tits of a pillow he’s lying against.
Haechan never wants to move again, not from this spot, ever. 
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
“You know I’m in love with you, right?” Haechan mentions briefly after a long moment of silence, looking up at you with his wet hair. 
Deep in the night, your food still cold and on the table, you’ve found yourself freshly showered and on your living room couch with Haechan’s head on your lap. He made sure to have stayed long enough inside of you to implant…something if it was going to happen. So he didn’t argue a shower, and you didn’t argue letting him join you either. 
He had washed you, gently running his hands between your legs with what you can only describe as the softest, most alluring face a man has ever given you. Like he won the lottery, or found the answer to eternal life or something. You repaid him by letting him admire your tits again while you jerked him off, but that’s besides the point. 
“Like, I’m not going to leave. I hope you know that.” He adds with a soft groan to your hands still in his hair. His new favorite thing. 
You look down at him, hand moving to his cheek as the words hit you in the chest.
There’s anxiety along with happiness, at all of the boundaries and serious conversations that will need to be had now, but still, you feel like you’re glowing when he looks at you.
He didn’t even have to say it, and arguably you probably don’t need to say it back either. You think he sees it in you. Even if he didn’t, you think he’d take anything you give to him and cling to it. After all, it only took one time for you to break entirely for him. 
“Are you now?” You smile with a chuckle, looking back to the tv and pretending to watch it. “Well, that’s good. Otherwise I’d be making you go get a plan B or something.” 
His eyes narrow at you.
“Like hell I’d let you, even if I didn’t love you.” He groans. “But I do, so don’t ever say that shit again.”
You chuckle, feeling the calm in your home that once felt so chaotic. It’s quiet now, both inside and outside of your head. 
“Congratulations, by the way.”
He looks at you with question, quirking a brow.
“For finishing your finals, I mean.” You smile, going back to petting through his hair and feeling like you’re on top of the world, despite what you assume to become half of your world lying his head on top of you. 
“Oh, right.” He smiles, now turning his head to watch the tv. “I probably failed them.”
You don’t believe that, but even if he did, you think you could be what he needs too. He wouldn’t have to work if he didn’t want to.
If he’s really in love with you, all he’d have to do is…not leave. 
“Are you sure you want to be having these conversations with me? You can just call it a hook-up.” You finally say, hoping he means it, knowing it breaks your heart a bit to give him an out. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m going to trap you here just because I’m a little smitten too.” 
Haechan glares, blinking up at you.
“I literally just tried to put a baby in you.” 
That’s fair. 
“And you’re not going to run off? Get cold feet?” 
“Can you stop doubting me and just let me do what I want for once?” He argues playfully. “Do you even know how much that barbie fucking dream house costed me? I couldn’t run even if, for some stupid ass reason, wanted to. I love her too.”
Silence for a moment.
“Maybe even more than I love you.” 
You really, really, want to believe him.
So, you do. 
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freaktoru · 4 months ago
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Can I pleeeease have some general bf headcanons for Igris x reader? Theres a severe lack of content for the knight in shining armour </3
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summary: igris x reader - what igris would be like as your bf. warnings: smut, fluff, just the regular hc silliness. author's note: thank u for the request <3 i absolutely adore igris. i hope you enjoy!
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like jinwoo, igris is very introverted and suuuuper shy. get ready to be making those moves baby, because he won't.
he just refuses to believe that you actually like him.
he won't admit that he likes you until he actually has to lol
i actually imagine you fall in love with him without actually seeing his face, so when he finally takes that helmet off and reveals his long hair pulled into a manbun, fuckkkkkkkk, panties dropped. instantly.
but when you two finally (after so much yearning) start dating, igris will truly be the best boyfriend.
in comparison to his very intense and precise fighting style, igris is a very gentle lover.
he is so so so attentive, always keeping an eye on you no matter where the two of you are, and always knowing how you're feeling.
he has a very strong fear of losing you. seeing so much death had traumatized him to an extent, making him overly fearful of losing you.
he's a true protector, having been a knight for so long has instilled that command in him. he lives to protect you and keep you far far away from harm.
despite being very quiet and keeping to himself, he's good at communication and comfort. he's always willing to talk through a problem together and face any hardships as a team.
love languages - words of affirmation, quality time and a teeny bit of physical touch.
he's very articulate and good with his words, but not very touchy. i think he's so used to using his body to fight and protect that any soft physical touch actually throws him off at first, but he comes to love it later on in your relationship.
DO NOT LET THIS MAN INTO THE KITCHEN!!! he will burn it down. he never learned to cook and no offense igris, but don't try to learn, please. do us all a favour and stay away from the stove.
he's just so soft with you in your relationship. he loves to be gentle and kind for you (this doesn't apply to the sex tho. be ready to be bedridden after he's done with you. more on this later.)
back hugs. he absolutely loves to hug you from the back when you're cooking or doing work. he'll wrap his strong arms around your waist and rest his neck on your shoulder.
neck kisses. yeah. he loves it both ways, whether it's him coming up to you to kiss you while hugging you from the back^ or he'll absolutely lose his mind to the feeling of you pressing your lips to his neck.
bad texter. he's reserved, and also doesn't see the point of emoji's or useless texts.
goes MAD when you brush his hair. fuck. he'll close his eyes and pretend to fall asleep just so you keep doing it lol. he's so cute.
if you're mad at him and the two of you argue, he will get on his knees in front of you to apologize. that's just the type of man he is. i don't make the rules.
his favourite pet names for you include baby, PRINCESS (get it cuz he’s ur knight), love
super patient with you. never rushes you, lets you take your time and honestly just enjoys watching the way you handle situations, interact with people and overall go through life.
very jealous. he doesn't like other people fucking around with you. once he got you, he intends to keep you.
very very caring. he's the best person to have around when you're sick. he will sit by your side day and night until you are fully recovered.
speaking of being sick, he's the type of person to not want to inconvenience you so he will pretend he's fine up until this man literally collapses from his fever. fucking annoying. but he'll relish in every moment that you take care of him.
he's okay with pda. not crazy about it but if you like it, he will do it for YOU.
that's his attitude with a lot of things, if you like something and he doesn't he will still do it because he is just so down bad for you.
lowkey an adrenaline junkie. i imagine he actually really loves adrenaline and loves driving fast.
ok wait hear me the fuck out here. remember how i said jinwoo would drive a motorcycle? well he needs a partner in crime. someone to race with. who is that someone? you guessed right. it's igris.
they'll go on late night drives together all the time.
loves the gym. he's lowkey a gym bro. i mean hello, he's a knight so he has to stay in good shape but i think he mostly likes it as a form of stress relief (when fucking you is not available)
fav season is definitely winter. he loves to cozy up with you and really likes playing in the snow lol. (but don't tell beru cuz he needs to keep his mysterious and collected facade up around the other shadows)
he's kind of a child at heart. he comes off as super serious and he's very locked in when he's fighting with jinwoo but when he's with you he feels like he can comfortably relax and be a little sillier.
he screams morning person. he will wake up early to go on a run or go to the gym while you sleep in.
really likes taking candle-lit bubble baths with you. he loves having the two of you wash each others hair.
now for my fav: igris in bed.
this man is kinky. real kinky.
his bedroom energy is the same as when he's all worked up and in combat.
he likes to take control and he likes it ROUGHHHH
this man has insane stamina. never seen anything like it. (i can confirm i've been in his bed.)
he may be a gentle lover but that trait is far gone when he is absolutely fucking you into the mattress.
likes to have your ankles on his shoulders when he fucks you so he can hit deeeeeep.
really into choking and breath play. likes to see you squirm under him.
FACE SITTINGGGGGG!!!! he'll have u sit on his face for HOURS before that man lets you go. he's extremely addicted to eating pussy. don't you dare deprive him.
with that he's a huge fan of overstimulation. can you imagine omfg. "p-please igris, n-no more, i c-can't" you stutter pathetically, your eyes all bleary and hair disheveled from him pulling it while pounding into you from the back. "hmm i think you can take just one more princess" he'd say, his voice all raspy n breathy from going multiple rounds. "n-no" you plead, trying to pull away. it's just too much. he's fucked you out so good on his cock you simply cannot take it anymore. "shh, you're such a good girl, taking it so well, c'mon gimme one more baby" he'd coo, rubbing soothing circles onto the bruises he formed on your hips from how tight he held you. god. i'm so deeply unwell for this man.
he BITES. oh yes. he will bite you alllll over, leaving little love marks all over your neck, your tits, your ass honestly wherever he can mark you up, he'll do it.
huge fan of 69. he likes getting down and dirty TOGETHER.
also really likes to tie you up. especially to all 4 corners of the bed so he can do whatever he likes.
has the nicest cock hands down. not very thick but long and it curves upwards real nice so yk he's hitting that sweet spot in you every. single. time.
now hear me out: discipline kink. he really enjoys disciplining you.
you wanna act bratty? fine, but you won't be able to walk the next day and your ass will hurt. a ton.
despite him being jealous and possessive he likes threesomes. with jinwoo. i mean cmon he’s his main man, how could they not.
overall igris is the bestttttt lover both in and outside the bedroom<3
© @blessedmisery 2025.
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applestorms · 1 month ago
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There's something really fundamental to me about the fact that we never actually see Sebastian's True Form as any kind of full humanoid body. Instead, we're cut down to the basics: eyes, teeth, legs, maybe the occasional clawed hand, all floating around in some loose black mist. The animal heads that we see in the memory arc flashbacks are interesting too-- a dog and a raven (or crow?), naturally, but also an octopus, a snake, a fly. Clawing and watching and grinning at all times, predatory and hungry but also, crucially, amalgamate.
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This really emphasizes two fundamental aspects of Sebastian and his role in the story to me, those being:
Sebastian is an unquestionably powerful being in the universe of KURO, a point further emphasized by the fact that we can never truly know him-- not his backstory, not his fully body, not the deeper extent of his motivations or feelings or desires.
Sebastian being so undeniably inhuman is core to his relationship with Ciel, and the ways in which he both does and does not reflect/parallel both Ciel's abusers and most beloved family members.
I think you can kind of read the more indistinct aspects of Sebastian's True Form as being a kind of side effect or representation of the ways in which Ciel views him, especially early on. Again, think about the details of Sebastian that we do see at this point: eyes, mouth, shoes, hands. During his time in the cult, Ciel is objectified and sexualized, used to being watched and surveyed at all times. He is, to Sebastian, a meal, something to be preyed upon and eaten-- but also spoken to, lured in, laughed at and ridiculed and complimented. He is a child locked in a cage, trapped near the ground and thus forced to see the world from below, only ever looking up at the people surrounding him, watching their shoes as they walk around him, over him. He is held and moved, puppetted, manipulated in a very literal, physical sense. The Little Red Riding Hood comparison is very apt here, actually-- eyes to see you, hands to hold you, mouth to eat you.
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Yet it is also this fundamental inhumanity that kind of makes their dynamic work at all. As this post so wonderfully puts it, Sebastian's human form is an interface, an emulation, one more body to mix up in the amalgamation of Things He Can Be so that he may better serve his new master. He doesn't really have human desires, or at least not straightforwardly. We know that he likes LARPing as a butler full time, that he is prideful and gets off on being praised (see: the circus), but he clearly isn't really attached to the specifics of that in any human way. He isn't prideful of status, or his looks, or anything that could be connected to a typical human life, because this form is just another one of many, something that can and will change in the future, and has in the past.
We know that Sebastian wants one thing: Ciel. But it is the nuances within how exactly this desire manifests itself that forms the axis that a significant chunk of their dynamic revolves around.
A really interesting aspect of KURO to me that I struggle a bit to put into words is the ways in which both Ciel and Sebastian parallel the antagonists of the series and their friends/loved ones simultaneously. I don't think I've ever read or watched a series where the line between who is a "hero" and who is a "villain" is any less clear. This is not to say that the series has no ethical values, or that there aren't Some People clearly doing worse shit than others (Baron Kelvin when I get you), but most of the main characters that we see all have some kind of fucked up or complex dynamic happening between their personal values, their relationships with others, and larger social norms.
Take Grelle in the very first true arc of the series, for example. There's a fascinating parallel that I don't think I've ever really seen anyone talk about between Grelle's immediate murder of Anne the second she fails to live up to her expectations, and the eventual consumption of Ciel at the hands of Sebastian that has been teased since the very beginning. Not only is this moment a fantastic tone-establishing moment for the rest of the series, showing firsthand the brutality that it is willing to commit against even its central characters, it's also one of the first times we get this blurring-of-the-lines moment between protagonist and antagonist. It's an ongoing theme of the series, honestly, particularly with some of the more intense enemies that they go up against-- everybody's a hypocrite, but only one side is going to win. The Circus kids were powerless and pitiful and latched onto the first kind hand that was offered to them, regardless of how they were forced to corrupt their morals in response. Maurice Cole uses and manipulates others, using his prettiness to get what he wants, after being scammed out of a future by being the second to be born. We can only solve this murder if we let these people die.
This is one of the reasons why I view Sebastian and Ciel's relationship as being so fundamentally codependent. There's been a couple posts going around talking about this, but to say it again: Sebastian is everything to Ciel, in a very literal sense. He is the predator and monster lurking in the shadows, he is the doting butler lovingly brewing his tea and picking his clothes and tucking him into bed, he is the dog biting anyone who gets near him, the demon laughing at his pain, the wife picking the best furniture for the lounge. He saved him to kill him. He's got his father's face. They're no different from anybody else, but they can't be without each other either.
Maybe it's enough that they picked each other, and continue to pick one another, doubling down as they grow nearer and nearer to the decimation. Sebastian is grooming Ciel, growing and cultivating him, but in a dynamic under which he has little to no control. Ciel is a victim, a traumatized and abused child, using every scrap of power and knowledge he can get his hands on to order his pet monster who to kill. He never changes his goals, quite literally never grows up, but he gains strength and confidence and loyalty.
They are nothing, and everything. It makes sense, doesn't it?
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trippinsorrows · 23 days ago
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witness
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authors note: this is pretty heavy, but it's necessary background and context for the next short i have finished and will post at some point.
again, minimal, limited tags, cause i've been posting way too much.
this one is also in roman’s pov.
masterlist
words: 2k
warnings: angst
In the five years that my children have been alive, I’ve had less than a year of time spent with them. Majority of that time being when they were still babies, far too young to remember anything.
To remember me.
But, regardless of that limited time spent with them then, the two weeks spent now have provided a lot. A lot of memories. A lot of one on one. A lot of bonding. I’ve “known” my kids now for only two weeks, an act of unspeakable violence brining us together but creating some of the fondest, easiest experiences I’ve had in life. Him. Her. Them. Us. It’s been….nice. An escape, to say that least. But, it’s through that time spent with them, that I’ve learned, to a certain extent how to read them.
It’s allowed me to pick up on when something is right and when something is off.
And, something is definitely off with Kaiden.
I’ve noticed it especially over the past two days. So has Solana, but it’s not like it’s something that fully baffles us, either. With what happened, what he’s been through, what they’ve both been through, how could they not be affected in some sort of capacity?
Regardless, there’s something pressing, heavy, and unspoken that settles in any interaction with Kaiden these past couple days. Something present and noticeable, wedged behind the smiles and laughter that we can evoke out of him. That Fetu and Ava can extract.
Regardless, it’s still there.
“Can you try?” Solana asks, leaning back against the counter, ready to wash the dishes used from the dinner we worked together, twins included, to prepare.
I can see it. The weight his unspoken weight has on her. I also know that she’s tried to talk with him but has mostly hit a dead wall.
Desperate. She seems desperate.
“Yeah,” I agree. Her small smile slightly comforting as she mumbles a “thank you” and moves to finish cleaning the kitchen. My gaze remains on her though, something that’s been lingering and pressing, pulling, gnawing at me ever since we landed. A discussion that, on some level, I think she also knows needs to be had. “Sola—”
“Shut up!”
“No!”
The voices of both the twins carrying from where they are upstairs is enough to have both myself and Solana already mid step on the staircase, heading directly towards their rooms.
“Take it back!”
“No! It’s true!”
Kaiden’s room is where we find them, the twins standing in front of the bed on opposite sides, Kaydence sniffling and holding onto her teddy bear. Kaiden is in front of her, his small hand formed into a tiny fist, a scowl on his face.
My scowl.
“Hey hey hey,” I move in between them, focused more on Kaiden and his clearly being angered by something, while Solana crouches down to tend to Kaydence. “What’s going on?”
“Why are you guys yelling at each other?” Solana questions, looking between the two of them. The expression on her face is all I need to see to know that this is out of character for them. The twins don’t argue.
Ever.
“He’s saying bad things, mommy,” Kaydence hiccups.
“No, I’m not,” Kaiden defends vehemently. I move to sit on the edge of the bed, reaching to turn him towards me only for him to lash out once more. “Daddy did it!”
“Don’t say that!” Kaydence shouts back. “No, he didn’t!”
“Yes, he did!”
“That’s enough,” my voice cuts through, my interest—Solana’s as well—more than piqued. “What are you guys talking about?” I have to focus on that versus the fact that something deep within me rages at hearing them refer to him as anything at all, let alone daddy. He’s not. Never was.
Never will be again.
It’s Kaydence, however, turning to Solana, tears streaming down her face and what leaves her mouth next that changes it all. “Mommy, Kaiden says daddy’s the one who hurt you.” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “But, he didn’t, right?" She shakes her head. "Daddy would never hurt you.”
“He did!” Kaiden snaps, but I see it. See what’s boiling beneath the surface. See the unshed tears that sit ready and needing though reluctant to fall. “He said—he said he was gonna kill her!”
“No!” Kaydence cries.
“Oh my God,” Solana gasps, hand over her mouth. It’s a heavy situation on all sides. Kaydence’s grief. Kaiden’s anger. Solana’s distress. It’s all palpable and consuming, filling the room, dancing up all of us in one way or another.
A realization that clearly both of us understand and realize has to be the cause for all of this. Kaiden saw what happened that night.
He saw that son of a bitch try to kill his mother.
Try to kill Solana.
My Solana.
“Mommy?” Kaydence heartbroken voice pulls us both from the heaviest fucking realization, reminding us that the time for shock and everything else can wait. The kids can’t. 
I honestly have no fucking clue how Solana should respond, if she should respond, or any of it. This is all new to me, but this especially is unfamiliar territory. I can navigate and finalize deals with anyone, handle myself with the best of the best, remain the last man standing regardless of who my opponent is. But, this? This….I’m at a loss.
I don’t even know where the fuck to begin.
“Y—Yes.” Despite my being at a complete loss, there’s still shock that surges through me at her most unexpected answer. I didn’t know what I expected Solana to say, but my reaction sure as hell confirms that it wasn’t that. “Yes, baby, your dad—he—”
Kaydence’s expression crumbles, her lower lip trembling, “no.”
“Baby—Kaydence!” Solana calls after her as she turns on her heel and runs out the room. Naturally, I stand and start to follow her when quiet sniffling below yanks me to a completely different task. Solana looks over her shoulder, clearly hearing it too. Her shoulders drop. “Kaiden….”
“Go,” I encourage. “I’ve got him.”
She needs to handle Kaydence. Solana looks torn but does as such, offering one last sympathetic look to Kaiden before heading out of the room to find our daughter.
Left alone with just the two of us, I don’t waste any time kneeling in front of him, ready and willing to do whatever it takes to help him, to support him, to make him feel better. Whatever he needs, I’ll fucking do.
For any of them.
“Hey buddy, talk to me.” He keeps his gaze down on the ground, clearly trying to contain his emotions. I fucking hate that shit. Not even involved in his life beyond the infant years, and somehow, someway, he got that repressing emotions shit. He got that shit from me.
My hands move to his shoulders, light, gentle, comforting squeezes. “Kaid—”
“I didn’t help her.”
The frown that’s been on my face since the minute Solana and I heard the twins arguing deepens. “What?” He doesn’t say anything, thus my gentle probing, “buddy, what do you me—”
“He was hurting mommy.” My stomach tightens. If I didn’t understand what he was saying before, I most definitely understand now. “I—I saw him, but I—I was scared, and—and —” He sniffles, the emotions clearly becoming too much for such a young child. As they would for and with anyone in his situation. “I ran to my room.” Jesus. “I didn't—I didn’t help her.”
“Kaiden—” It’s when he finally allows himself to do it. To feel. The tears tumbling out. It’s the same second I gather him in my arms, holding him, letting him just be.
“Kaiden, listen to me.” I haven’t the slightest fucking clue where it comes from. How I go from feeling completely lost and out of my element, to the words, much like his cries of sorrow, cascading out almost naturally. Like comforting him comes second nature.
Comforting my son.
“You did nothing wrong.” And the fact that he thinks he did, thinks that he somehow failed Solana by not “doing anything” fucking guts me to my goddamn core. “You went and stayed safe, and that’s exactly what your mom would have wanted you to do.”
Because there's no doubt in my mind Solana would have taken that bastard beating her 10x worse than he did if it meant Kaiden staying far away and remaining safe. God forbid he did try to "help" Sola that night.....
I can't even think about what that outcome would have looked like.
“But, he hurt her really bad,” he continues to cry, his fingers grasping at my shirt.
“I know he did.” And, I’m going to make that son of a bitch suffer 100x worse what he did to Sola. I wish I could tell him that part of it. But, I can’t. There’s only bits and pieces I can share, one in particular the thing he’s probably looking for the most. A promise. A promise of safety. “But, I promise you, he will never hurt her again.”
Nor you or your sister.
I have to quickly push that away, the memory of Solana sobbing into my chest as she told me what Cody said. His promise. His threats. Not only to kill her but them as well.
I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced such difficulty as I felt in that moment. I wanted to rip him apart with my bare fucking hands.
Still do.
Will.
Kaiden calms down just enough, pulling back as I wipe away his tears. “But—why—why did he hurt her?” He shakes his head, innocent confusion abundant. “Mommy’s the best mommy ever.”
She is. The best, period.
“I don’t know, buddy.” I hate lying to him. Lying, despite the irony of how he even came to exist, is that I hate lying in general. It’s never really been my thing. I’ve never had many reasons in my life to do so. Never had to.
Not until her.
But, I can’t. I can’t tell him the truth, because the truth is far too complicated, too heavy, too muddy for such a young child. He can’t and shouldn’t be saddled with that. Not with what he’s already been through. That bitch beat the shit out of Solana, her injuries something that almost caused her miscarriage. To lose our baby.
I can’t imagine seeing any of that in person, let alone a young child.
I hate that he’s been carrying this the past two weeks. He doesn’t deserve that.
None of them did.
“I hate him.”
Three words that have never felt so relatable. So true.
But, it’s not as simple as that. Even with my limited knowledge of children, even I know that Kaiden’s words come from a place of hurt, anger, and confusion. Perhaps some part of him does hate Rhodes and understandably so.
However, the fact of the matter remains that the bitch is still the man Kaiden—and Kaydence—have grown up knowing and calling daddy. In his eyes, that’s still his father. Someone who, prior to this, he loved wholeheartedly.
I have to ignore the aching bitterness that fills me at such a thought. This isn’t about me. It’s about my son.
My son.
“I know.” It’s all I can say. No agreement or disagreement. I don’t want my personal feelings to influence Kaiden. Again, I recognize this is a layered situation that calls for a tremendous amount of caution, and I won’t do anything to risk further traumatizing him.
Any of them.
Which is why this conversation has only solidified a decision I made as I held Solana’s hand while Michaels and his team worked to treat her injuries.
That that was the last time Cody Rhodes would ever be in the same vicinity as my Solana and my children. Consequences be damned. Gotham could burn to the fucking ground in the war that could ensue once this gets out. I don’t fucking care. I don’t care who has to die, who I have to kill. I don’t even fucking care if it costs me both or either title of Capo or Tribal Chief. I don’t care. None of that shit matters to me anymore. The only thing that matters is keeping them all safe, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Starting with killing Cody Rhodes.
He might have been their “father” before, but he never will be ever again.
And that’s a fucking promise.
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miffysoo · 4 months ago
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super long rant incoming for lads (if you read this i love you to pieces, if not i still love you to pieces): im not always the biggest fan of the reincarnation/past lover trope (which is ironic bc that’s literally the entire foundation of lads lore LMAO) because sometimes it feels like the LI’s are in love with the idea of us seeing as mc in the storyline is the past version of their beloved. i just can’t help but think, like are they actually in love with MC? or are they in love with some other version of her and that’s the only reason they’re drawn to her? it almost feels like they’re projecting who they THINK she is when she’s no longer the same person at all in this current timeline & lifetime.
it almost makes it feel like current mc is “the other woman” in some sense, even though that’s a bit illogical because the past version of her is literally her but so much time has passed, things change, people change, and mc is a completely different person than who she was in their past lives. bc truly, the only one who i feel like truly loves her present day for who she is, is caleb. i would argue zayne to an extent too because he technically doesn’t have any memories whatsoever of his past lives so him and MC falling in love feels like it’s happening for the first time again, it’s a blank slate.
and not to say that the boys can’t grow to love who she is without painting her as her past version, but a part of it feels ingenuine sometimes to me. bc although she shares the same face, the same body, arguably the same soul as her past self, seeing as it’s again, literally her SELF, at the core of it, she’s not actually HER anymore. she’s someone completely different. so sometimes it feels super bittersweet & the lines get blurred. i have a love hate relationship w some of the lads lore for these reasons.
so sorry for the fatass post, but the lore & past life concept in the game always makes me feel hesitant to truly immerse myself into the game (i don’t even actually play the game, everything ik and have seen are from youtube clips that people have uploaded for all the myths, memories, and the overall storyline). this isn’t to say i don’t look forward to new updates and such, i love love lads. but like whenever i indulge in fanfic, especially as a chronic reader of ‘x reader’ fics, i have to separate reader from being MC, which is why i always stray towards non!mc reader bc there’s no tangible lore and past lives/reincarnations attached to a nonmc! reader. at least not to the same extent as the og MC depending on how much the author diverges from canon and just basic background context for reader. but overall imo, non!mc reader just doesn’t carry the same heavy implications of the boys’ true feelings when it’s the actual MC vs a non!mc reader if any of that connected 😔
similarly why i also love iseki/transmigration fics as well; basically any concept where the reader is NOT the mc. bc just like in iseki fics, the boys don’t have the same attachments & feelings towards reader as they do MC. it just feels more sincere imo, idk.
i wonder if im just crazy and have too much time to think & talk to myself about this, or if other players/readers feel the same way. bc ik the whole point of an otome game is that WE are the MC. but ive just never been able to fully immerse myself like that, i see MC as a completely separate character, almost like an OC sometimes. like i just can’t connect or fully enjoy any fanfic with MC being the “reader”. i view MC and reader to be two different people if that makes sense.
and again, im completely aware that as the storyline continues, the boys have obviously shown to care and have deep affectionate feelings (love is a bit too ambiguous imo to truly label that as what they feel for mc) for current mc and its probably only going to strengthen as the story moves forth. but my mind still spirals and thinks about all the “what-ifs” and semantics of reincarnation and past lives. i wish i didn’t think this way, the game and concept of it would probably be more enjoyable all around for me, but i apparently hate myself to think too light heartedly, even for a fictional game/story 😭
truly tho, it’s never that serious, i just had to get that off my chest bc i really don’t know if any other (not sane) person felt this ardent & torn about this as i do, which is a little silly honestly but here we are LMAO 🧍‍♀️ but in the end, there’s something for everyone here in the world of fanfic & delusions! 🫶🏼🫧
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edamette · 1 year ago
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Analyzing König's presonality
Original post made in TikTok by shikided, published here with their permission.
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Let’s start with the fact that König is not shy or self-conscious.
Social anxiety in his case is expressed rather by aggression towards others. Aggression is his defense mechanism (it is different for all people, for some may be a smile, for example).
He can treat people coldly, as well as rudely, out of a subconscious fear of getting into an awkward situation, of being in a vulnerable position. Of course, he is unlikely to like being in a crowd, but this does not mean that he will start to panic and blush, after all, he is a disciplined soldier.
However, König is active and restless, as evidenced by the fact that he was not accepted as a sniper not only because of his height, but also because of his inability to stay in place for a long time. (This is suits his stormy temper)
His expressiveness is especially noticeable in the way he speaks, and Jim Boeven conveys this perfectly. Just compare the original voice acting by Konig and, for example, the Russian one. In Russian, his voice is much calmer and more direct, more balanced, which is out of character.
König is impudent, proud, sharp-tongued. “Pick your guts off the floor” or “and they said that I couldn’t be a sniper” – he’s literally spitting bile, and this still hurts him, as a consequence of the fact that he’s trying to look like a sniper, making himself a mask with his own hands. This desire meant a lot to him, and this is to some extent his personal protest. König did not fully accept the refusal, did not resign himself.
König is brave, even somewhat passionate, not afraid to rush straight into the heat: “get me back into the fight”, “I’m ready for another round”, “don’t worry, leave the heavy lifting to me”.
However, he understands the advantage his height and build give him and uses it. Moreover, he knows how good he is on the battlefield, and does not hesitate to say about it: “finally, some worthy adversaries”, “they are no match for me”. These phrases reveal a need for personal self-affirmation due to his childhood bullying and humiliation. König compensates for the lack of recognition with arrogance and pride, as even his name (King in German) suggests.
This, like his defense mechanism, can cause a disdainful attitude towards other soldiers: “who taught you to shoot?”, “not bad, I’ve seen better”, “let’s be honest, it’s better off in my hands”, “hands off, it’s mine”, curses are also present.
Some fans for some reason see him as a big child, few others as a brutal killer.
König is a fighting unit, a man trained to kill, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean he’ll kill you for some little thing. He can, of course, but he won’t. König is a hostage rescue specialist, His task is not only to eliminate, but also to save.
Pay attention to his pose in the menu. König does not look shy and cute. On the contrary, his movements are calm, even relaxed, he demonstrates confidence and strength. He raises his hand and points at the player, as if to say “Pikachu, I choose you”, or “we’re gonna make this day”
His phrases sound friendly towards us, like “together we should be victorious”, or “you can be in my team any day” and even “with you until the end”
He seems to be encouraging his comrade, with whom he is now leading a mission. König is closed and cold, but loyal and kind towards his people. Due to his character, I doubt that he has many people whom he truly values, such a person will be very attentive and selective towards those who surround him, therefore he seems to me be a loyal and reliable friend to those whom he truly considers them his loved ones.
Summary: König is an interesting character with a psychological point of view, with his own bee in his bonnet.
Closed, arrogant, cocky, loyal, devoted.
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duchess-kyuupid · 7 days ago
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~The Duchess' Thoughts and Drabbles Pt. 5~ Ft. Vil Schoenheit
Yandere! Vil x Blind! Reader
Am I writing for twst again, after all this time? Not really. Did I suddenly get the urge to finally finish this idea I wrote so long ago? Absolutely.
| The yandere themes here very minor, no warnings necessary |
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Goodness, Vil loves you, even though you can't fully appreciate how hard he works to be so perfect. He can try to cover up everything with makeup- his insecurities, his failures- but it's all for naught when he's in front of someone who completely bypasses that superficial mask and sees him for what he truly is.
When the two of you first met as freshman, Vil actively tried to avoid you. You were just some other potato, but you were even worse than the other ones because you always talked to him so casually. Everyone else talked to him like they were on eggshells- whether that effect on others was due to his beauty or his fame, or a combination of both, the fact is he was almost completely isolated during his first year of NRC. Then, he earned the Housewarden title, and now everyone was forced to respect and admire him while he stood on a pedestal above everyone else. Well, except you, despite still being in Pomefiore yourself.
You just couldn't care less.
You were more focused on your grades, your magic, and most importantly: your sculptures. And my, how they were so beautiful. The world from the perspective of a blind person isn’t one that’s told very often, it’s one that not many even think about in their day-to-day lives. Vil himself was actually quite shocked the very first time he saw your art- how realistically you portrayed the human form in some works and yet, at the same time, how beautifully abstract your other works could be.
You clearly had extensive knowledge on anatomy and proportions, even better than people who could actually see. From the moment he laid eyes upon your artworks, he became infatuated with them, and in turn, he became infatuated with you.
It eventually turned to the point where that man wanted nothing more than to cage you up like his own pretty little bird, with you none the wiser, and keep you all to himself while you make fantastical and beautiful sculptures while he makes you into his own artwork. Perhaps it was a good thing that you couldn’t see how his eyes would darken and glare at anyone who would even think about approaching the two of you while you were out. He was an expert at chasing people away, after all.
But there were many a night where he dreamed of dolling you up with his brand of makeup and his brand of skincare products. He would take such good care of you- all you needed to do was make your breathtaking sculptures and talk to him as you’ve always have.
But this was also the main reason why he hasn’t done anything just yet.
He was afraid that if he pursues you the way he wants to, you’d see the darkness that lies under his persona. Maybe you already do- you seem to have already seen through most of his masks already.
Oh yes, this man has many masks.
And it seems like every conversation he has with you, another one breaks down and he has to build another to replace it. And that terrifies him.
He knows that if he ties you down the way he’s always dreamed of, you might never view him the same way again… You might treat him differently, might look at him with fear. You might ignore him, reject him, hate him. And he couldn’t bare to live that way.
But it wasn’t until the day he asked you to make a sculpture based off of your image of him that he realized the true extent of your apparent omniscience.
When he first made the request, he only meant it as a passing jest- one that he thought had cleverly disguised his true desire to see you sculpt him. He wanted to have you hold and caress his face while you learn every detail of him through your hands. He wanted to see those same hands recreate his beauty with your own works of glorious artistry. He wanted to be your focus, a model you would spend hours upon hours of work trying to recreate. Vil, above all else, wanted your attention.
So he was surprised, honestly he really shouldn’t be, when you saw through even that half-hearted jest, and agreed to make a statue of him.
It only took a few months of waiting before he was allowed to see the final product. And… It was beautiful.
It was, in every aspect, undeniably Vil, his face was so perfectly sculpted down to every strand of hair on his head, and even with his trademark fabulous smile. The statue only came down to his mid-torso, but the oddity in the art piece lies in the fact that his chest was depicted wide open, showcasing his ribcage inside that had been sculpted to almost look like prison bars instead of bone. Vil's marble arms seemed to try to hide what was inside his ribcage, but if you walked close enough, you could see that inside the cavity was the outline of a person draped in sheer cloth, eyes closed with a serene look on their face and caressing Vil’s heart with an almost unreadable expression.
Vil looks back up to you, who's holding that exact same serene and unreadable expression on your face, but your bleak, unfocused eyes stared right back at him.
Ah, Vil realized, you’ve known all along. He really can’t hide a thing from you.
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bambooswordwielder · 5 months ago
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Shen Yuan not fully treating the other characters in the novel as real real people but as just book characters until nearly the end of the novel is one of my favourite decisions taken in SVSSS.
I've seen quite a few Transmigration type stories, but I've haven't seen many that play with the idea of the MC not treating the other characters as real distinct people quite to the extent I've seen in SVSSS (note this is from what I've read/watched, there are definitely books out there with this trope I haven't read)
This aspect of his character often leads to him not realising how he affects the world and the characters and how much his mere presence vastly changes the plot (Eg: Saving Liu Qingge, Being Kind to Luo Binghe, Saving Ning Yingying and Liu Mingyan from their Novel-Fates)
While we as readers can joke about how oblivious Shen Yuan is to not realise his impact on the world, how oblivious he is to other characters' opinions on him, but I feel like it's a pretty reasonable response when you think about the fact that he regularly gets reminded of the fact that the world is based on a novel he read.
He firsts dies while reading PIDW and then proceeds to end up in the body of the Scum Villain Shizun who abused Luo Binghe before eventually being punished by having all his limbs being cut off and Yue Qingyuan dying trying to save him, add on the fact that for he has to act 'In-Character' as Shen Qingqiu until he unlocks 'OOC'.
Imagine facing this realisation straight after finding out you died.
Shen Yuan is a unique case in the sense he apparently already somewhat mentally prepared himself in his Past Life for what he would do in Transmigration.
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Shen Yuan is already different than the average person to the extent that he was at least somewhat prepared mentally.
The soon after, he discovers the System.
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A fact I want to acknowledge is the way the System talks throughout the book — Often using 'Gaming' Words or Words we associate with Games.
It has a Point System which Shen Yuan can use to get things, it punishes Shen Yuan for not doing what it wants him to do, it regularly calls events 'Plot' and '____ Arc', things we associate with TV shows, Movies, Books, and Games. It even gives him a tutorial mission he has to finish in order to get a special reward which would make the rest of his 'gameplay' easiler (Get to act OOC)
Various Characters also have Special Points regarding their emotions and or feelings, with Shen Yuan being able to "Improve this characters opinion on him" and "Increase Protagonist's Satisfaction Points!".
Luo Binghe being clearly designated as the Golden Protagonist who cannot be harmed fatally by the plot makes the situation worse as Shen Yuan's mind is constantly being reminded of Luo Binghe's role in this world.
Due to the System, Shen Yuan is forced to push Luo Binghe into the endless abyss, cementing his fate in his mind because — "Luo Binghe will certainly murder his Scum of a teacher now!" — not recognising yet how much his care and teaching of Luo Binghe has impacted him.
Now add in the inherent complexities of Original! Shen Qingqiu, someone who's backstory was hidden in PIDW and didn't have someone who truly understood him in his own world/Sect. Shen Yuan, for as much as we can praise him for many different things, has a flaw of assuming characters will act exactly as they are written in the novel without accounting for changes.
He doesn't realise the true reality of how complex Original! Shen Qingqiu was as a person as he interacts with Yue Qingyuan.
To him, Original! Shen Qingqiu was a one-note Villain until Shen Yuan finally does get to see Original! Shen Qingqiu's backstory.
I've seen many complaining that Shen Yuan doesn't feel sympathetic enough to Shen Jiu after finding out his past, but after analysing some points in the novel, I feel like it makes sense. I don't necessarily like it, but it makes sense.
Shen Yuan's journey throughout the novel is learning to accept Luo Binghe as a living breathing person who he loves. He has to separate Luo Bing(mei) from his original Novel Countertop (Luo Bingge).
We face his lows and highs during his novel as he learns his mistakes in treating various characters as mere novel characters and not as people.
Shen Yuan has never met Shen Jiu — only learning of him from either the novel or from the other characters. Shen Jiu himself was already far too complex to the point no one in his world ever truly understood him, how could we expect Shen Yuan, a character who only read of him as a Scum Villain with no context to his backstory.
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calculatedklown · 7 months ago
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It's completely baffling that Gortash is the only one of the chosen three with whom we don't get to have any dialogue regarding the information we uncover about him.??
Spoiler warning maybe lol
Like with Orin, we can mention her upbringing or the fact that she's a child of incest. Try to convince her that she's just been abused her whole life? Like obviously this changes nothing in the end. But it still matters that its mentioned.
Ketheric, we also can try and convince him to change his ways. Mention his wife, his religion, Isabelle. Literally mention everything we find out to try and convince him to turn a new leaf. Which also doesn't change any outcome. But I appreciate that its there.
But GORTASH??? We get absolutely NOTHING, it's absurd! It's baffling that we can't even touch on his backstory—like finding his parents,(possibly killing them depending on what you do) being sold to Raphael as a child, or the fact that he was scammed at one point. All the intriguing details we uncover about him lead to nowhere, and it's so annoying 😩
Like this isn't even just because I enjoy him as a character. It just seems like such a missed opportunity to find out more about him currently as a person!
The dialogue we encounter while trying to convince Ketheric and Orin reveals a profound insight into their true characters. Their reactions are telling and provide a unique perspective on who they are as individuals!
Ketheric fully recognizes the person he has become. He understands that he is a lost cause, fully acknowledging the wrongs he has committed and the irreparable damage he has caused. He accepts his fate without hesitation. Despite your words.
Orin lashes out in denial, and becomes completely manic (more so than her usual self). Completely baffled and distraught.
I want to know how Gortash would react if you brought up his parents or his childhood! It's a possibility he wouldn't be grateful if you slayed his parents; in fact, he would likely view any sympathy as a weakness and respond with anger or dismissiveness. Plus, we’ll never find out his true response to Durge after you say, “I always liked you.”
“Is that what you-”
I don't understand these missed opportunities with him?? Like I get keeping some ambiguity to an extent. Its why we will never get a clear answer into him and durges relationship…..BUT I WOULD LIKE A CRUMB OF HIM PLEASE!! I DONT EVEN NEED A KISSY SCENE! I JUST WANT ANY INSIGHT INTO HIS OWN OPINION ON HIS PAST IF ITS MENTIONED!
If you read all of this rambling…..please tell me what YOU think his possible response would be to any of these scenarios lmao please
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signanothername · 10 months ago
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if Nightmare uncorrupted by a miracle, do you think he would find his happy ending or mend things with Dream?
Ough y’know I genuinely wanna say yes but-
Ok i’d say it’s gonna be way more complicated than a simple yes and a happy ending where Nightmare and Dream suddenly are on good terms
But it’s also not a simple no either
Nightmare’s and Dream’s relationship is beyond scarred and their pain runs way deeper than just simply like Nightmare’s corruption, it’s also important to keep in mind that they fought for years before Nightmare lost that corruption, and they both said and did some bad things to each other during that time in the high of their fights
It’s kinda like, how do you heal a relationship that’s beyond healing at that point? You mend and save what you can but accept that it can never go back to how it used to be
Not to mention, it’s important to keep in mind how Nightmare lost that corruption, and to me I feel like Dream’s the only one who can genuinely somehow get him out of his corruption at any capacity, and that in of itself would leave a big sore spot in the twins’ relationship, cause Nightmare sees his corruption as the only thing keeping him safe, it gave him power and strength and to lose such a thing and get back to feeling weak and helpless and it’s your brother’s fault?? Yeah Nightmare would not be happy with Dream at all
To him that’s just Dream hurting him more than he already is hurt
Like when Nightmare loses his corruption at first he genuinely sees Dream as the biggest threat to him, cause he’s the only one who can kill him and after so many years of fighting, Nightmare has no reason to believe Dream wouldn’t just take his helplessness as an opportunity to kill him
Like i want you to understand that this is the extent of how fucked up their relationship is, it’s so fucked up that Nightmare genuinely fears for his life around Dream without his corruption
And it’s not cause Dream has shown any true signs that he’d be willing to hurt Nightmare at all, Dream doesn’t find joy in their fights, it hurts him emotionally way more than any broken bone Nightmare bent out of shape, but just like Dream fears for his life around Nightmare during his corrupted state, Nightmare fears for his life around Dream in his uncorrupted state
And I think seeing the fear in Nightmare’s eye as he looks at Dream would just hurt Dream more than anything ever did, cause Dream is a bit deluded to think he’d finally see Nightmare’s old smile when his corruption is gone, but in reality all he sees is a look of fear he only saw Nightmare show towards the villagers and god does it absolutely fucking kill him inside
Another thing to keep in mind is what I mentioned before, how Nightmare views his corruption as part of himself, but to put it in clear bold words, Nightmare sees his corruption as a genuine part of his identity as a whole, and Dream took that away, it isn’t just even simple feelings of helplessness and weakness, if Nightmare loses his corruption he’d fully experience his already deep rooted identity crisis
And that in of itself makes Nightmare too disoriented and emotionally unstable, further contributing to how hard it is to mend his relationship with Dream, if Nightmare even wants to mend his relationship with his twin at all
That being said, Dream on the other hand, while he’s extremely forgiving and he genuinely doesn’t hold Nightmare’s actions against him or thinks/loves Nightmare any less after being hurt by him so many times, it still leaves marks on him, both physically and emotionally, and Dream would have to work through so much of that hurt to get to a point in which he can be close and look Nightmare in the eye without flinching away or feeling uneasy like death itself is looking back at him
And while Nightmare’s thoughts are a lot clearer without the corruption suffocating and plaguing his every waking thought, that doesn’t mean the hurt he experienced for so many years can just be forgotten and forgiven in a single conversation
I’d even dare say both twins aren’t even ready for a single conversation yet
For their relationship to even start its healing journey, both twins have to heal themselves first, separately
They have to stay away from each other for a while, just, take a look at themselves and process their emotions, trauma and whether they still even want that relationship to heal, cause sometimes, the true best course of action is to let go than keep digging
And while I think Dream would want their relationship to heal, Nightmare might be a bit hesitant on that front, Nightmare might give it a try, but I still don’t think they’ll just magically become as close as they used to, their relationship is beyond that at this point
So I think the closest their relationship can get to being better, is that they’re not actively trying to kill each other, maybe Nightmare would allow Dream a day in which they hang out, but that’s far in the future
It took 500 years of hurt to get where they are now, and it’ll probably take another 500 years for their relationship to recover and mend to a point where it’s as close as it can be to how it used to be, but there will always be those days in which they don’t get along at all, those days in which they need their alone time away from each other
But still, a calm genuine and honest conversation between these two would do them so much good, if both are willing to take the gut wrenching truth about their feelings with stride, which I think would take so much time before that conversation even happens in which they actually keep calm instead of it escalating into a fight
Dream is more than ready to let go of the past and to make new memories, he’d already started out as stuck in the past for too long and then later just wanted to move on, and that was his opportunity to do so for good
Nightmare isn’t, he started out as someone too stuck in the future cause of the trauma he experienced cause he wanted to move on so bad that he didn’t process any of his trauma or emotions at all, only for his mind to catch up to him way too late and he’s suddenly stuck in the past, unable to let go of the hurt he experienced, he’s too stuck in the past to simply let go of everything that led up to this point of his life, too hurt, too scared of making new memories only for them to be tainted with more pain somehow
Nightmare doesn’t want to move on out of fear, not out of any actual genuine hatred, Nightmare fears that if he moved on, his past would simply catch up to him all over again
I think the true best course of action is that Nightmare and Dream stay in separate places, work together through their broken relationship slowly, but never force the process, just let it happen naturally, it’s best if each just lived under a different roof, they need to spend time with each other to heal, but not spend too much time, they both need to find their separate roads that don’t revolve around each other if they wanted to truly heal themselves and their relationship
Nightmare wouldn’t simply go back to the same Nightmare who was so open, gentle and happy to receive Dream’s hugs or smile at Dream every time he sees him, he won’t tell Dream how much he loves him or cares for him and he won’t be as openly affectionate as he used to be, he’d still deny his love for Dream and live in the delusion that he doesn’t care for Dream as much as he does, he won’t suddenly become a merciful, gentle and loving person like he didn’t inflect so much cruelty upon so many people, cause it isn’t as simple as “corruption is what made him a bitch”, it runs way deeper as his corruption shaped him as a person, and Dream has to accept that if he truly and genuinely wants their relationship to heal at all
But i’d say that no matter how long it takes, the twins’ relationship would mend enough that they don’t fight at every single conversation they have, mend enough for them to actually hang out with each other, it wouldn’t be exactly like it used to be, but something close, not too close, but I think close enough for both of them to heal and grow bigger than their grief eventually
I wouldn’t say it’ll be a genuine happy ending for them, but it’ll be a bittersweet one
But hey, Dream might get what he wants and see somthing akin to Nightmare’s old gentle smile one day <3
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imustbenuts · 10 months ago
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nuts reading trigun in japanese 3 - "weirdo" and vash's pronoun switching
disclaimer: my jp reading posts are all for triangulation purposes and nothing else. scanlating mangas is tough work. @-@ i know this.
"Weirdo"
the word 'weirdo' in 2024 english carries connotations of neutral-bad or positive depending on the context of the speaker. depending on how one curates their internet space, weirdo often leans more positively with the same meaning as eccentric, but not always.
however, but in JP, "weird" is more specific and often negative. there's the well known, hentai 変態 (ie. deviant, pervert, freak, extremely negative in tone), and in this case, kimochi warui 気持ち悪い (gross, off-putting, bad vibes). eccentrics are more as 変人 henjin and carries a more neutral tone.
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in this panel here papa nebreska uses 気持ち悪い in katakana キモチワルイ in reaction to vash busting his ass saving people and putting out of harms' way. vash's vibes are so off putting to this wanted man he's actually creeped out.
this is particularly interesting to me bc the english translation didn't end up portraying how utterly weird vash's mindset is fully. it wasnt until wolfwood points out how flawed vash's pacifist mindset do i get a proper frame of reference of norms in this world, but i might be having skill issues in english comprehension. ;w;
Pronoun switching
quick. 俺 Ore! 僕 Boku! 私 Watashi! they all mean "I", and there's 2 spectrum of expressions going on here thats commonly believed. 1st being Masculinity to Femininity. what's the 2nd?
the answer is... Rudeness/Assertiveness to Politeness. and gosh does vash switch a lot between Boku and Ore in the first 4 chapters of this manga lmao.
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(to be clear, while i am aware of trans hc thats very popular in the fandom, im not at all diminishing or talking about gender expression specifically. im talking about what vash is presenting himself as in context.)
so to perhaps oversimplify this, in JP the idea of politeness and hierarchy is so super duper important, its very built into the language itself. and Japanese is a very high context language. if someone of a higher or equal standing uses "Ore", its totally fine. but if someone of a lower standing uses "Ore", they've committed a social faux pas.
as an obvious example, if a fresh new employee approaches his Boss with "Ore", he's potentially getting dressing down in the company. maybe in front of his coworkers. if this employee forgoes polite speech (keigo) and uses a too Assertive and Casual speech, they've Really Fucked Up and are one foot out the door.
this is also tied up in gender to some extent, hence why girls using Ore is incredibly uncommon, but guys would use Watashi in certain contexts such as talking to their Boss. (woo woo the forces of hierarchy/patriarchy... or something.)
so. vash switches his pronouns for the same effect. when he uses Ore, he's making himself sound more assertive and confident. when he uses Boku, he's often making himself sound less threatening, smaller, open, and trying to avoid conflict.
sound familiar?
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bc if you translated all of that into a character design instead of relying on just jp pronouns, we'd get TriStamp Vash.
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slight spoilers, but this is even true in one of the tensest moments between vash and wolfwood, where the latter provokes vash and tears into his pacifism ideology. vash sticks with boku in this scene as he says his piece.
if he ever uses watashi, it's bc he wants to be polite straight out of the gate with an air of formality. (this is japanese manners and the proper approach to talking to strangers. mainly to get a feel for each others standing without offense until context changes.)
i also wanna point out maybe something obvious here but.
real life pronoun switching in japanese is a COMMON thing. no one ever really sticks to 1 pronoun bc of Good Manners and the aforementioned hierarchical systems in place. it is only mostly in anime/manga and video games where characters overly prefer 1 due to this being a good shorthand for characterization. this being how rude or polite they are, and in some cases, Gender.
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recordsystem · 3 months ago
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Ok I desperately need to yap about how much I love love love slow damage
As a person with some severely disabling cptsd Towa truly felt like looking into a mirror it's not even funny. He is so fucking validating because he isn't the model victim like most interpretations of PTSD I've seen. He's emotionally shut off, constantly engaged in dangerously risky behavior, is violent and angry and can't bring himself to give a shit about most things. (There's a very good case for a conversation about him and schizoid personality disorder but that's a post probably better made by someone with that disorder haha). Point is, he isn't made small and meek by his trauma, at least not in the same way that people expect it.
I'm someone who was trained by abusers to be small and meek but who is constantly plagued by desires just like towas and the sheer amount of shame and self hatred that has brought me over the years has been soul crushing. Seeing a character who not only shares these feelings but wears them openly and proudly on his sleeve, (hell he even fucking names himself after it) is just... Overwhelmingly healing for me.
Not only does Towa brandish his desire so visibly but he encourages others to do the same. Obviously the way he does it isn't super healthy but I think it's really him trying to cope, trying to find others who feel the way he does and trying to help them cope too. being able to share your feelings and know that they don't make you bad or evil is so vitally important and that is the comfort that every single euphoric episode brings to both participants.
It even addresses the common fear that intrusive thoughts like ikuinas, asakuras, and towas might make you as bad as your abusers. The game in so many ways shows us that they don't and that bottling that shit up is a surefire way to hurt yourself and maybe even others badly. When Towa learns about his past he fears so badly that he's become just like his mother but he's not. She sought power but he seeks only connection. Towa sees beauty in the ugliest parts of humanity, and that in itself is beautiful.
If dramatical murders message says that desire and destruction are not purely negative parts of yourself that you should reject then slow damage fully follows up on that thesis by saying that you shouldn't need to be ashamed of them either. Putting the two games together, they say that if you learn to accept your past and by extension yourself, fucked up desires and all, then that is the true path to healing and I fucking adore that.
And even aside from thematic things the moment to moment representation of what cptsd is like is crazy accurate. Being inside towas head means you get to see every intrusive thought, every flinch at daijoubu, every self hating thought, the pressure and dissociation that follows memories peeking through the walls you put up, the nightmares, the compulsion to seek things that will numb the constant pain for at least a little bit, ALL OF IT. Like fuck that's my daily life. And I've never seen that extent of PTSD shown in media ever. It's everything to me.
I felt this especially in madarames route. When I'm in an emotional flashback one of my strongest impulses is to return to my abusers. When you've been through that kind of repeated trauma safety feeling very very wrong. Your mind becomes so convinced that your current reality isn't real and that you deserve to be abused that it becomes easy to reject people who want to help you and seek out your abusers because of the comfort that their familiarity brings. You get to really see that change happen in Towa due to madarames intentional manipulation and it's heartbreaking to watch him regress. It's even worse knowing that madarame has also been wildly abused and that he has gone down the path of continuing the cycle of abuse.
On the opposite side of this, it is so lovely getting to see Towa find healing with fujieda instead of the different forms of denial he finds with the other LIs. Obviously it's not perfect considering they don't address the rape and they are definitely filling in for mei for each other but I think otherwise they are fairly good for each other. In post game content they seem to be doing their best to encourage each other without being too codependent and after all the insane toxicity of the other routes (yes you too rei) it's a beautiful note to end on. Self acceptance through accepting others; is that not what Towa had wanted from the start anyways?
I'm sobbing I love this game.
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scientificwitchry · 6 months ago
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Explaining & Exploring Caleb's Behavior in Homecoming Wings
This contains spoilers for what happened in Caleb's Homecoming Wings main story update, especially Night Unending so I'd suggest finishing reading it before reading this because this is just me talking about Homecoming Wings.
Before I begin, if you dislike Caleb that is completely your right. If Caleb upsets you that is completely fine. Additionally, this also isn't a justification because let's be real even though as far as yandere's go I don't personally find him that intense he was acting pretty crazy in his main story. Also wanna add that nobody owes Caleb like understanding of his character at all if it's that bad for you. This isn't being written with the intention to change minds or that you have to suddenly like Caleb cause of it. I'm just really obsessed with this man.
I mainly just wanna add more nuance to the topic of Caleb a bit? Because while he is and was certainly unhinged I don't like the idea of people labeling his behavior as him doing crazy stuff just for crazy sake or purely because he's a red flag. Because to reiterate he is def a red flag and more than a bit unhinged but he isn't ONLY that and I don't believe his behavior is based solely on being that but a myriad of things.
For instance, the most problematic and controversial moment in the main story is when Caleb gives MC medicine which results in her soon after noting drowsiness. Many people are of the opinion that Caleb purposely drugged MC, some think it was an act especially ill-intentioned. I personally believe it was not as malicious as it came off considering MC was indeed sick and the cold medicine she took helped. But it's also implied that Caleb gave her the medicine knowing that it would make her drowsy. Anyway, I'm not going to debate whether it's right or not.
Rather, I am more interested in the reasoning. That reasoning is simply that Skyhaven is highly dangerous. Throughout the main story, I can think of at least two incidents in which MC finds herself in danger. The first is with Viper who in the story attacks MC. While MC obviously manages to at least fend off Viper she still struggles and it ends up being Caleb who saves her.
This of course makes sense to me because MC is first and foremost a hunter. She's trained to fight wanderers, not what sounds to be experiments meant to serve as weapons considering Viper is either quite obviously a cyborg or made to some extent of machine.
The second is when MC manages to chip and track Caleb and follows him to the Farspace Fleets clean-up. Which MC finds out is actually them getting rid of ridhuman-turned-wanderers (from what is implied to be unethical experiments). She gets attacked by a bunch of wanderers, injuring her knee but is yet again saved by Caleb.
What I mean to say isn't that MC is somehow defenseless but rather she is completely out of her depths with Skyhaven. It's not a lawless land like the N109 zone rather it is a strict place to the point it exudes almost a sort of oppressive feeling. Crazy, messed up stuffis clearly going on there that MC has only begun to unravel, and will perhaps never truly grasp. Of course, this is not her fault as Caleb is stubbornly insistent on being secretive and won't tell her. Though the "won't" is closer to a can't (due to circumstances even we the players have yet to be fully aware of other than what the game seems to imply).
Where I'm going with this is not only is Skyhaven much more dangerous than N109 zone but on top of that realistically speaking compared to Sylus, Caleb is pretty much powerless. His role is that of a pawn and he has much power as is desired of his role. Sure he can order and boss people around as Colonel but what good is any of that when he lacks the true power needed to protect MC?
It's already clear that the professor that Caleb is implied to have made a deal with in order to protect MC has his sights set on her. Even more by how Kevi who was "saved" by the Farspace Fleet ended up becoming a part of this professor's "family" suspiciously including Viper and a seemingly present Caleb it seems that the Farspace Fleet and this professor is connected. I don't think it would be a stretch to presume based off of this that it's all connected to the Ever MC is looking into.
Considering all of this, what can Caleb, a pawn meant to be eventually cast aside for a better piece do to protect MC when his power is so limited? The answer is, of course, to hide her. Which is why on several occasions in the story he restricts her movement (by locking her up). He obstructs her goals on several occasions not because he's a red flag but rather because he knows every goal she intends to complete will put her under the radar of the exact people who will hurt her, and who he wants her hidden from.
Which is why he even gives her that cold medicine likely knowing it'll make her drowsy because if MC was actually successful in her attempts in rescuing Kevi from the fleet's grasp (and by extension the professor's and possibly Ever's) then she would be put be in deep waters. Everything Caleb does is so seemingly in order to protect MC even if it means being in misery and pain, even if it means upsetting MC, even if it means the only person in this world he cares about ends up despising him. To Caleb, none of that matters if she's safe.
However, Caleb is completely powerless, defenseless, and weak under the authoritarian (and so far mysterious) system of Skyhaven so his only option is to play the villain to keep her safe as otherwise means to let her get hurt.
Because of all this, I even personally believe that Caleb is more overprotective than he is possessive. It's just that it wraps back around to being possessive. It's a lot more than just him loving her, than him wanting her to be his but that he believes that despite his powerlessness that he is the only one who can protect MC. That the only way MC can be safe is with him. This is purely because Caleb has been playing the role of MC's protector, her shining knight in armor for so long that it's deeply entrenched in his identity. He cannot imagine himself living life as anything but someone who protects MC. In fact, I'm of the opinion he believes his only purpose is to protect MC and keep her safe. The only thing that keeps Caleb alive and somewhat sane is this role he clings to desperately. Not because that is what he is but rather it and MC is all he has left. Without it, he is nothing. So perhaps, in this regard despite how much Caleb tries to convince MC, it is he who needs her the most rather than vice versa.
MC can survive without being his princess just fine. Rather, MC even doesn't have the slightest desire to play the princess role Caleb seems to want her to. Her consistently communicating to Caleb the sentiment of "I don't need you" is exactly that. It's not just her refusal to play the role of a princess, not just her denial of Caleb's role as a protector but a rejection of him entirely because even as MC's gege he has only existed as a protector to her. She might as well have just told Caleb "I hate you" which is why I believe after hearing it he almost always seems to snap. He doesn't see it as an assertion of MC's independence (which I personally do) but as MC wholly, entirely rejecting him. Since what even is his purpose if he can't protect MC? What's his purpose if she doesn't need him like he's always needed her? What's the point of having lived and suffered all the way up until now if MC doesn't need his protection?
I feel like a lot of his behavior in Homecoming Wings, especially in Night Unending can be explained simply by this. Caleb's only role, his only purpose is to keep MC safe. Even in the nearing end of Captive Bird where his snapping is less about his role as protector and more about his deep feelings towards MC and his role as her family and MCs albeit understandable insistence on imposing it, he still clings to that role of protector. He still obsessively talks about protecting her, about keeping her safe because again, that is the only purpose and role Caleb has known his entire life so that role is as connected to his feelings as anything else. Ironically enough, despite him resenting the role of being MCs gege he still retains an identity of it.
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thankskenpenders · 1 year ago
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Part1: Thank you for the reply! Sorry if I keep pushing the subject, but what I don't understand is Penders' disdain/hate for Chronicles. For someone who always boasts about his contributions to the Sonic IP, one would have thought he would have been elated to be the inspiration and starting point for what would become a plot and setting of the IP's core media, games. Plus, you said it yourself, to everyone's knowledge (Even Penders, maybe?) they were seen as fair game at the time of production.
Part2: I would understand if he was asking for acknowledgement/compensation, but his ownership claims seems to be made out of malicious spite, rather than a proper sense of injustice. Like if DC would have dressed Superman in a red & white costume for a few issues after the Fawcett case (I know it's not exactly the same legal case). But why do you think he acts like that? I would love to read your thoughts as you are one of the few capable of reaching unbiased conclusions when it comes to him.
So the thing with the Sonic Chronicles case is that by that point Ken had discovered Archie had lost his contract, cooked up the story that it never existed, and started filing for copyrights for his work. As such, he argued that Sonic Chronicles taking inspiration from his work was an instance of copyright infringement. In his eyes, Shade literally is Julie-Su, and the Nocturnus Clan literally is the Dark Legion, just with the names changed, and if he never signed a contract then that stuff wasn't fair game for other Sega projects to touch. To him, it wasn't uncredited inspiration, it was theft.
The case was dismissed in court because the Archie v. Penders case to determine who actually owned the copyrights for his work was still ongoing, and then by the time that was settled the statute of limitations for the Chronicles case had passed. (In basic terms: it had been too long since Sonic Chronicles came out to sue over it.) So it ended in a stalemate, with both sides still arguing ownership, and Ken would only be able to revive the lawsuit if Sega did something new with Sonic Chronicles or those characters - a sequel, a port of the game, Shade appearing in new stories, etc.
Since then, it's basically turned into a game of chicken with the copyrights. Ken believes Sega has just washed their hands of Chronicles because they don't want to deal with the legal trouble, which is honestly probably true. Meanwhile, Ken has been testing how far he can push his claims of ownership over Shade before Sega does anything, such as when he announced that Shade NFT that declared she was literally the same character as Julie-Su. (Or at least it would have if he'd ever released it.) If Sega doesn't do anything about it, then they're at risk of forfeiting the copyrights, which Ken will take as a sign that they've fully abandoned Sonic Chronicles as their property and therefore he can do whatever he wants with its elements.
So, basically, yeah, he's still just bitter and spiteful over the plot of Sonic Chronicles being based loosely on his Knuckles comics without his involvement. And to a certain extent I'd get that. Comic artists and writers are paid in table scraps and get no benefits, then they see the companies who own their work turn it into billion dollar movies and video games and mountains of merch, and they don't see a penny of those profits. They don't even tend to earn royalties off of their comics' sales. It's unfair. But while I think he deserved some form of credit and maybe some form of compensation, there's a difference between adaptation and inspiration, and Ken's just being a copyright troll here.
There's immense irony in Ken believing that Bioware's homage to Julie-Su should be seen as the same character as Julie-Su in the eyes of the law, while he's out here publishing a comic featuring K'Nox, The Legally Distinct Character Who Is Totally Not Knuckles. Also, like, one of his pet characters has always been a blatant homage to James Bond. He was out there basing Archie Sonic stories on Star Trek episodes and Superman comics and shit. My favorite Sonic story of his literally just ripped off the plot of "For the Man Who Has Everything." I don't see him out here cutting Alan Moore a check. He's nothing if not a hypocrite.
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jeonscatalyst · 6 months ago
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as someone whos been on army twitter since 2018, it only seems like armys dont support jikook's bond the way jikookers do is because shippers are in a sub-fandom and within that subfandom they are in an echo chamber. its nothing unusual it's in literally every fandom but thats the only reason lol. like taekookers are saying the exact same thing, that the fandom is full of jikookers and everyone dismisses taekooks bond. solos and shippers all have their own "evidence" and "proof" or armys "not defending ___", and 9.9/10 its something 1) armys have never seen or even heard about bc twitter and the internet is a biiiig space or 2) something taken completely out of context. i like to be in this tag bc ive been an ot7 biased army since 2019 with jikook being my fav duo, and while i dont care to know if theyre in a relationship with each other, its not something crazy either because friends to lovers is like the oldest trope ever and also theyd be cute as hell together lmao. i dont follow any solo focused accounts or pairing accounts, literally only armys and when are you sure came out my tl looked like this tag 😭. armys are well aware of jikook's bond and are supportive of it, the issue is taekookers. i could make a thread of vmin, namkook, sope are married and get 10k likes, but i couldnt do that bc of taekookers. theyd swarm the quotes and no thats not armys doing it or armys fault, thats the twitter algorithm being 100000000x worst after elon musty took over bc it was not like that at *all* pre-him. with likes being hidden and the algo pushing deplorable disgusting terrible tweets, it makes it infinitely harder to take accts down.
also its like the way straight armys and lgbtq+ armys experience being a fan. you notice subtexts and clues that may or may not actually be there or mean what you think/want it to mean but its still your fandom experience and youre able to talk about it with other like-minded people. perfect example for this: like crazy. the queer coded-ness of it all, the makeup & earing on one side, jimin in my eyes created the bisexual Iliad in song form ! but thats not how most het armys wouldve viewed it at all, and that doesnt even mean my interpretation of it is correct or the only way to view it. im not going to look down on those who viewed it differently. so shippers are experiencing something different; they watch their pairing to see how they look at each other, touch each other, speak to each other, treat each other compared to everyone else. armys simply arent doing all that; and that doesnt mean we dont care or that shippers love them more (lol), it just means that within the shipping culture and sub-fandom, thats what yall do. which is cool, but like i said its not the *only* way an army can love and appreciate their bond. there's also the echo chamber aspect of the subfandom culture i didnt really get into but it also plays a huge part in why jikookers think armys dismiss or dont love jikook in the same way jikookers do. all this isn't necessarily a slight against you but i think conversations like these are necessary bc talking points like "armys dont actually like seeing jikook together" or "majority of the fabdom is taekookers who hate jikook" are extreeeemely slippery slopes that discourage any type of meaningful thought, and only encourages and eggs on solo rhetoric, which as we hopefully all know is directly antithetical to what any of the boys would ever want.
Hi anon,
I completely understand the points you’ve made, and I do agree with you to an extent. It’s true that in every sub-fandom within the main fandom, whether it’s Taekookers, Jikookers, other shippers, or solos, everyone essentially complains about the same issues, each armed with their own “proof” to justify their arguments. That part, I fully agree with.
However, while I see your point, I do want to emphasize that Jikook’s bond is often undermined by many within the fandom. And it’s not just Taekookers or solos; even some OT7 fans contribute to this. The reasons for this vary. Yes, you’ll find other groups complaining about the same things we do, but when you dig deeper to understand their grievances, it often turns out to be something taken out of context or just bitterness over someone highlighting Jikook or saying something positive about their bond.
The truth is that Jikook’s bond stirs mixed feelings in this fandom for many reasons. It has never been the simplest relationship to understand…or even to love, if I’m being honest. Many people join fandoms and sub-fandoms as an escape from real life issues, seeking something that feels lighthearted, comforting, or entertaining in their spare time. Because of this, a lot of people dislike grappling with more complex dynamics like Jikook’s. They either reject it outright because they don’t understand it or ignore it altogether. This lack of understanding often leads to their bond being undermined.
Jikook’s dynamic has historically made many people uncomfortable for a variety of reasons that I won’t delve into here. But when we talk about this fandom ignoring or undermining their bond, there is more than enough evidence to support that claim.
In contrast, what’s complicated or complex about Taekook? Their dynamic is fun, easygoing, and comforting, qualities that are universally appealing. There’s no need to overthink their interactions or navigate any layers of complexity when watching them. Everything that has ever appeared complex about those two is largely a result of shippers fabricating explanations to reconcile their behavior with the expectations of a romantic dynamic. These narratives are often crafted to justify why they don’t exhibit the typical actions or interactions one might expect from a couple… I.e Taekook not seen spending much time with each other = the company separating them or regulating their interactions on camera. Most people in the fandom, except for some Jikookers and solos, have no reason not to enjoy their dynamic. An easy way to see this is by observing the response to their content. A Taekooker can make up lies, edit photos, or take moments out of context, and it will gain over 20k likes, with the fandom eagerly eating it up. Meanwhile, Jikookers can post real, authentic moments of Jikook, only to have their posts reported. So, no, for the most part, Taekookers don’t have a strong basis for their claims. (This isn’t the bone of contention but just had to mention this)
I also agree with you that many fans don’t pay attention to the same things shippers and solos focus on. Sometimes they’re simply unaware of certain dynamics, which can come across as indifference. I also don’t entirely agree with the narrative that ARMYs dislike seeing Jikook together. I’ve seen the fandom be supportive of Jikook as a duo but I still firmly believe Jikook is one of the pairs whose bond is most heavily undermined. A clear example of this is how much of the fandom dismisses Jikook’s interactions as mere fanservice, simply because some of their moments appear too “intimate” or “gay” for their liking.
This is definitely a topic that deserves more discussion because there’s so much to unpack here.
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poorsapadvocate · 28 days ago
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Pippins Took what? (Deltarune chapters 3 and 4 spoilers)
Chapters 3 and 4 of Deltarune have turned everything we thought we knew about this world on its head. Important information about the prophecy and what these characters are even doing here is being withheld from us. Characters we thought we could trust are now suspect or actively working against us. Even the true nature of the Dark Worlds remains shrouded in mystery. And we have one year before chapter 5 to figure out where we’re going from here. Therefore, I’m here to ask the most important question: What the fuck is up with this Pippins.
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Like, who the fuck are they?
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I’ve seen people guess that this Zapper belongs to another TV (likely Asgore’s, but I’ve also seen people guess Catti’s for some reason) and that’s why they can’t belong in this Dark World, which, like, maybe? But that still doesn’t explain why Pippins is here. Pippins has always belonged to Card Kingdom. We’ve seen them back in chapter 1!
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Yes, I know it’s because Kris lost the dice in the couch. But TV World actually has a lot of Darkners that don’t belong to this specific world. Ramb is a whole other package to unravel that I can’t get to here, but he tells us he’s from the Librarby, aka Cyber City. There’s also Lancer and Roulxs, who seem to stave off the effects of petrification by actively working for/with Tenna for the games. This actually isn’t the first time we’ve seen this, either. Roulxs survived outside of Kris’ inventory for a long time in Cyber City by…pretending to be a pirate.
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This is actually the smartest thing that Roulxs has ever done, let me explain. He’s created a new role for himself within Cyber City by specifically acknowledging that he’s not supposed to be here. He’s acknowledging that, in Cyber City terms, he’s a foreign program imported from a different operating system. He’s pirated software. This actually goes on to shine a lot of light on how the Dark World works. Lancer and Roulxs (and Ramb to a lesser extent, but we do not have the time to get into what his deal is) weren’t petrified because they found new roles within the TV World: Lancer as part of the games show and Roulxs as the worst couples’ counselor. In other words, petrification seems to be more about if you have found a role within this Dark World, rather than if you’re a Darkner that matches the world’s vibes enough to pass. Maybe this has something to do with Ralsei’s whole deal as well, other than him being from a fountain of “pure dark” whatever that means: his role is to guide the other Heroes, therefore he’s able to survive in whatever Dark World the heroes are in (would also explain why he’s always late to a Dark World, if he’s waiting for Kris and Susie to be there first. Guess we can’t use him as a canary in the coal mine to let us into the Bunker.)
But none of that explains Pippins! Maybe things are different on a neutral/violent run and that’s worth investigating, but at least on pacifist runs, that Pippins would have quit working for Tenna before that Zapper petrified. And that still doesn’t explain who one Darkner who also quit their job petrified and the other didn’t. And you know…I’ve made this all about the Pippins, but that Zapper is like. the only guy who petrifies other than Ramb. But they firmly believe that they belong in this world, so???
Maybe we could say that this Pippins belongs because the theme of the Dark World was always “games” more than “TV”. That would explain why Toby decided to reuse them for this chapter, sure. But TV still seems to be a pretty big part of this world. Case in point:
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That also doesn't explain why it's just that Zapper and Ramb who petrify. Not even Lancer or Roulxs are seen petrifying in this chapter!
(Technically, if you undergo Sword Route, you don't even see Ramb fully petrify, which...probably means his job was something other than working for Tenna??? Put it on the chart.)
This Pippins is also one of the few Darkners who addresses Kris by name, which stands out to me. The Jigsawrys and Ruddins around Castle Town tend to refer to Kris as “Boss” or “Commander” (considering Kris seems to have made every major Dark Fountain since they all work the same while Susie’s is radically different, that Kris seems to have a deep connection to the Ruddins based on the Chapter 3 Egg Room/Mancountry, and Ruddin is the default enemy in the game files, this might be more literal than metaphorical, but that’s also not what I’m here to talk about today.) Lancer seems to know Kris’ name but keeps forgetting it. Roulxs, to my knowledge, never refers to any of the Lightners by name. Queen and Tenna do, but King doesn't.
What does all of this mean? I don't fucking know! Am I overthinking this? Most assuredly! But I think all of this shows that we may be more in the dark about the nature of Dark Worlds and the Prophecy than even chapter 4 really let on.
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