#also she's spent so much of her life focused on work and siblings over everything else

[possiblyawesometmblr]

so I know we got that little image of Ari and Momboo- but do we get a confirmation?

I know you’ve spoken about Ari being aroace spec before, so I wasn’t sure whether that affected the ending? basically; do you have a distinct idea of their relationship planned, or are you leaving it sort of open for interpretation?

here's your confirmation: they are absolutely gay <3

momboo and i have talked about it ever since it popped up in the wave of non canon ships and we both think it's cute as hell and are always down for sun and moon lesbians

as for ari being on the ace spectrum, i think she's definitely asexual, but with this development, i'm leaning towards demiromantic/grayromantic for her! so she's still very much on the ace and aro spectrum, she's just also fallen a little head over heels for the very pretty world goddess (as i think we all have, tbh)

[thebindingofpillo]

It’s been a while since I did a proper character introduction so this will be a little all over the place but MAGGY queen of my heart, best girl 2kforever is here!!!! Read all about her under the cut.

As with everyone else in the cast, Magdalene is a Normal Person trying to move through life the best way she can. While she’s aware or the existence of the supernatural, her strategy is to chug along and having a normal life in spite of all this. So who cares if the Angel of Destruction is chilling in her living room? That’s her boyfriend and he’s gonna help her with dinner, don’t be rude.

Her and Isaac are adopted siblings - you can find out about Isaac here - and they both have an artistic drive BUT while Isaac’s passion lies in figurative arts, Maggy is more of a writing type. Personality wise, I envisioned her as a really sweet, passionate girl, but also with an extremely short fuse. Quick to anger! But also very quick to calm down if people don’t respond to her anger - Judas is a master of this trick, while Isaac can get as emotional as her and their fight usually devolve into screaming matches.

This doesn’t mean she’s constantly looking for a fight, in fact she knows how to keep her cool if the situation calls for it. Her emotions only get the best of her if she’s with people she trusts and if the situation is dire enough (like discovering your beloved boyfriend killed the son of God…). She’s also a huge nerd! And a bit feral. Could either ramble for hours about her interests or eat a bell pepper like it's an apple. That's why her boys love her so much. Her and Judas met when they were in middle school and have been inseparable ever since. They bonded over their mutual interest in history and literature, so much so that they ended up pursuing a higher education in their respective fields. But while Judas had no problems getting a masters, Maggy spent years struggling to complete a base three-year degree* and ended up dropping out entirely. In the years she wasn’t studying, she focused on writing and publishing her first book, but that didn’t go so well either. She eventually ended up applying for a job at a kindergarten not too far from her home - where she met Lilith - all the while still trying her hand at writing. She’s currently working on a second book, with the help of Isaac (illustrations) and Judas (research).

*I am using my own experience with Italian university, I don’t know how American colleges work lol sorry. Anyway in Italy university is divided as such

Laurea triennale (three-year degree) - 3 years. This is the basic degree.

Laurea magistrale (masters degree) - 2 years. You can only access this after completing the three-year basic degree.

Dottorato (doctorate) - 3 years. Can only be accessed after completing the 2 year masters degree.

If you wanted to get a doctorate you’d need to go through 8 years of school. Judas has completed 5 years of studying (therefore has a masters degree) and is now taking a sabbatical before working on his doctorate. Magdalene dropped out after a couple of years and never completed the basic three-year degree. Hope this is clear enough!

Anyway, dropping out of school didn’t make Magdalene any less educated. She loves learning! And both her and Judas have amassed a huge library filled with every single book that captured their attention. She’s also very curious and has a knack for teaching herself new things, like calligraphy, cooking, and even lerning new languages. Everything that catches her attention - from mushroom growing, to crystals, to ancient religions - is free game!

Despite all this, dropping out of school and seeing her first book flop did put a damper on her overall mood. While her loved ones reassure her that her worth isn’t defined by her successes or lack of thereof, deep down she feels like a failure. Sure, she has a job, but idling away the rest of her life at a 9 to 5 isn’t really a thing she sees herself doing. At the same time, she’s afraid of putting too much hope into this new book, because another failure might push her to give up writing altogether and make her truly miserable.

As for her religious belief, she’s a born again Christian. She had a slight crisis of faith after highschool - nothing too serious, she just didn’t see the point in going to mass every week and was frustrated that this thing that was supposed to bring her joy felt more like a chore than anything. With her being a rebellious teenager at the time, she did a complete 180 and converted to satanism for a while. Her parents didn’t really support her decision, but they didn’t stop her either, as teenagers are teenagers and they just wanted their girl to be happy (and not hurt anyone or herself in the process).

During this phase of her life she dabbled a little in witchcraft, and her knowledge of tarots and crystals comes from here. She didn’t do much more than that though, as she was still a bit skeptical of the whole magic ordeal.

Eventually she met Azazel, who was nothing short of horrified to see her proudly announcing she was a satanist, since he had direct experience with the guy and could attest he was an asshole. Seeing a real demon from hell scared her half to death but since he was very sweet and knowledgeable, he managed to help her find her faith again and answer all the questions she might have had in the meantime. This does not mean that Magdalene is now the stereotypical Good Christian Girl Trademark. While her faith in God is stronger than ever, she still takes all the rules imposed by the human Church with a grain of salt. She’s not a zealot, but still goes to mass and tries to love her neighbour the best way she can (even when it’s difficult!).

More stuff (rapid fire)

She likes to joke she’s the world’s worst Catholic as she still reads tarots from time to time and stili has her pendulum and crystal collection

While she still has an interest in divination and magic, it’s from a purely cultural perspective now.

Her new book is about… the adventures of Perseus. I am getting meta with my story lol

I had the idea she was able to mend clothes and sew, but I don’t think it fits her too much anymore, so now whenever she needs something done she gives it to Isaac.

[wangxianficrecs]

Follower Recs

~*~

I recently read this story, and its amazing, it explores wwx's trauma in such a creative way, its lwj's pov so we feel both of their pain, also jc and wwx reconciliation! Honestly im not much of a fan of that trope (not bad, just not my cup of tea) yet I loved how it was in this fic, it also has mentions of jyl and how much she affects her siblings in both life and death. Very angsty, very sweet, and overall amazing. I don't have much to say but I think the summary, well, summarizes very well. - Anon

Mud on Your Feet

by AvoOwO

Not rated, 59k, Wangxian

Summary: Wei Ying is not in bed. Normally, Wei Ying is curled up next to Lan Wangji when he wakes at five. Wei Ying will be strewn about, soft limbs and dark hair fanned and sprawled, leg over Wangji's hip, arms wrapped tightly around his chest, and face pressed into his neck. Even in sleep, Wei Ying is a bundle of energy; he is always moving. Now, Wangji wakes to a cold bed, and no Wei Ying. A series of sleepwalking episodes leaves Wei Wuxian refusing to sleep, and Lan Wangji at his wit's end on how to deal with them. It appears, however, that it is anything but simple sleepwalking. And there is no telling just what may happen if the episodes are left unchecked. Excerpt: "When Wen Chao tossed me," Wei Ying starts, "it's…it's dark. And–and I landed, and my back broke. A little higher up, I think. Not quite in the middle. But–but it was my back and an arm, my legs, I think my pelvis, too. But I didn't feel that. So–so it was just me, at the bottom." He glances away, focusing on Chahua in the corner. "I think I spent the first few days laying there. Because–because I couldn't move. And then–and then…because of the core transfer, I couldn't practice inedia, so–so. Sorry, just a second." "Take your time, Airen," Lan Wangji whispers. Wei Ying nods, rubbing his face and breathing in. "There's nothing edible in the Mounds," he says at last. "Nothing grew down in the deepest parts of it. No grass, no weeds or roots or insects. Everything was made to die down there. So–so the only thing down there was corpses. And–and I was going to die if I didn't, so I did. And–and it fucking sucked, so bad, so bad, but I did it." Jiang Wanyin closes his eyes, the letter gripped hard in his hand. His lips tremble with effort. Lan Wangji feels his stomach roll. Nausea builds up in his throat. Bile and spit. Wei Ying sniffs.

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[thexwayward]

𝕪𝕠𝕦'𝕣𝕖 𝕒 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕓𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕣 𝕕𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕞 𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕣, 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕣 𝕕𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕞𝕖𝕤𝕤 𝕒𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕕, 𝕟𝕠, 𝕟𝕠, 𝕟𝕠

                                               ✴   ✴   ✴   ✴   ✴   ✴    ✴   ✴   ✴  

full name:  katherine leigh henderson

nicknames:  kitty, kit, kitkat. 

age:  19

date of birth:  june 29.

zodiac: cancer

gender:  female

pronouns: she/her

sexuality:  questioning

fc: sophie skelton

physical

hair color:  red

eye color: hazel

height: 5′4″

weight:  115 lbs

personality

morality:  chaotic good

positive traits: independent, studious, charismatic, goofy, perceptive

negative traits: stubborn, moody, holds grudges, passive.

occupation: works the counter at the arcade, ballet dancer

skills: musically inclined, basic use of weapons, agile

family

parents: claudia and david henderson

siblings: dustin henderson

backstory and details - ＴＲＩＧＧＥＲ     ＷＡＲＮＩＮＧ :       mentions of child abuse, canon level nastiness

                                              ✴   ✴   ✴   ✴   ✴   ✴    ✴   ✴   ✴    

she’s an oc that came from a dream about 10 things i hate about you but also make it stranger things.  because so little is known about the henderson family this is obviously pure conjecture so pls dont crucify me about it.

they were the all-american dream. a father, a mother, a daughter, and a son. the henderson’s reflected everything that hawkins had come to hold dear.

growing up, kitty was a ball of energy and sunshine. flouncing down the house in fairy dresses with wings made from hangers and tights, playing outside, terrorizing her mother’s new kitten the way only a toddler could, she moved without regard for the opinion of others. 

the only thing that seemed to satiate and eat up the extra energy was her introduction to ballet, though soon it would also consume the sunshine along with it. 

the ballet class, held in the next city over from hawkins, gathered a host of kids from all of the surrounding cities. as such the pool of people kit came to know expanded across roane county.

staying strong in the face of the standard scrutiny that followed the strictness of the dance world, kit learned well how to stand her ground and let the cruel words of others go unphased. 

she found solace in the friends she’d made at school- barbara holland and nancy wheeler. the girls kept her level, closer to the real world than the girls who let themselves get consumed by dance. they grounded her, kept the levity that kit never let out in the faces of bullies. 

another friendship was struck with jonathan byers, given the consistency that their younger brothers hung out. though their friendship was mostly between basic agreements among pop culture and music.

even then, words still hurt. snide little girls would make fun of every piece of her they could see: her hair, her eyes, her smile, her nose, even her freckles and size of her ears. each piece of it was logged away in her mind, but she would never give in. she wouldn’t rise to the occasion or fight them. instead, she swallowed the words and the pain they caused. 

kit would paint a smile on her face, ignore the words and carry on. dance classes were only three times a week with the odd recital, but the rest of her life spent in hawkins was warm and happy.

around the time kit was in the sixth grade, life at home started to degrade.

her mother was warm and kind, if a little erratic and aloof. her father was quiet, preferring to stand to the side while the remainder of the family unit carried on. kit noticed her father pull further and further away, though her mother silenced her worries. claudia cited that david was always a quiet man, always happy to watch the fun rather than join in. 

while she could recognize the truth in her mother’s honeyed words, she knew there was more. rather than try and broach the subject again, kit focused on loving her family as much as she could, while she could. 

as she attempted to get closer to her father, he pulled away. the more she tried, the worse he got, going so far as to strike kit across the face. instead of comfort, he only offered a gruff ‘don’t tell your mother’ before he walked off. rather than incriminate her father, kit only told her mother that she slipped in ballet. dancing en pointe was new, it wasn’t something to suspect, but kit knew the truth. and somehow, so did dustin. 

her younger brother, as perceptive as his older sister and two years her junior, decided himself her protector. there wasn’t much reason; kit had learned her lesson after the strike from her father, but dustin couldn’t help himself.

the night will byers vanished was the beginning of the end of hawkins. 

when nancy approached kit and barb about going to steve’s party, kitty had to decline. dance class had been moved to a later time slot. not to mention she had next to no desire to spend more time with steve, tommy, or carol. 

when barb went missing, kitty blamed nancy. they were together when they arrived, they should have left together. instead, nancy abandoned her friend to get laid. kitty’s judgement and disappointment was impossible to get past. 

instead of sitting idly by, kit took a page out of dustin’s book. she set out at night with a flashlight and a spare jacket, scanning the woods around steve harrington’s house in an attempt to pick up any sign of where barb had gone. the further she drifted into the woods, the more fearful she became. this fear was only deepened when kit happened upon a tree slashed with deep gouges. she didn’t know much, but she knew well enough to know that deer antlers scratched, not gouged, and certainly not in a way that looked like it had been done by knives. 

following the trail, kit spotted a hunched figure at a distance in the trees. at the echoing sounds of odd clicking and squelching noises coming from the mass, kit crouched behind a tree. betrayed by a snapping branch, what she would come to know as the demogorgon reared it’s ugly head and roared. rather than stick around and wait for it to charge, kit took off, abandoning her flashlight as she ran from the thing she’d seen. without regard, she ran into the middle of the road, narrowly missed by a car that came blitzing down the gravel. 

kit didn’t stick around to see who was in the car. she kept running, pushing herself all the way out of the woods and back toward her own vehicle. after speeding home, kit raced into the living room, out of breath and terrified. no sooner had she straightened up, dustin raced in, wrapping his arms around kit’s middle as he leaned into her shoulder and cried. after some clarification, dustin claimed that they’d found will’s body at the quarry. 

after the dustin had gone to his room, calmed by their mother, kit went to her own bedroom. at the new silence, kit started crying, now soberly aware that between that thing in the woods and the discovery of will’s body, she knew barb was dead. not just missing. 

the next morning, kit went to the byer’s residence, content to help joyce and jonathan with whatever they needed. the loss could have just as easily been dustin, and while the thought made her stomach hurt, she liked to believe that the byers would have been there for her the way she was happy to be for them. 

the interaction quickly ended when nancy came around to jonathan’s aid. kit was still angry 

a few nights later, kit was walking up the henderson’s driveway to collect dustin and walk him home when steve harrington blew past her, offering a gruff “here to collect your boyfriend? i wouldn't bother, he's busy with my girlfriend.” kit didnt understand, only rolling her eyes in his direction before she headed for the door. 

after securing a job at the arcade, kit walked down the main road of hawkins, catching sight of “nancy ‘THE SLUT’ wheeler” scribbled across the theater marquis. steve’s complaint made a bit more sense, then, though the answers were not fully granted until she nearly got mowed over by jonathan’s car pulling into an alley. she heard and saw the blows exchanged between jonathan and steve, and the halfhearted attempt by tommy to join in on the fight. kit couldn’t be bothered with nancy, but she was worried about jonathan. 

when everyone met up at the school gym, kit went with jonathan and nancy to set up the demogorgon trap, mostly because it was the only place her presence could justifiably help improve. she joined in on the hand cutting. steve comes in, nancy threatens him with a gun, everyone was massively uncool with it, including kit. 

that about closes off the events of season one and the majority of her actual past in terms of friendships and family relationships.

updates:

 kit works at the arcade, but when starcourt opened she got a job at the comic shop. 

she attended the COME GET SHEET FACED party in season 2, but she was dressed as amalthea from the last unicorn, her favorite movie. 

she walked into dustin’s room first, looking for a book she’d left in his room the day before. she saw dart eating mews and almost screamed, but dustin stopped her. 

she hates steve less after he was nice to dustin. 

she hates billy because he’s an obnoxious jackass, also he tried to hit her brother with his stupid blue camaro

wanted connections:

literally anyone from stranger things or any stranger things ocs that wanna be friends.

verses

main!verse (stranger things)

modern! stranger things

tbd

[darkconsumed]

Being secretive and closed off wasn't anything new. It had been something she practiced from an early age given how their parents were. However, it got worse once she came home and over the years, she didn't even know what was true or not anymore. Secrets piled up and turned into lies and one could only keep track of so many lies after so long. Natalie Scatorccio had died long before that night at the compound. She was still on that plane in the wilderness, lost to time and the earth that surrounded the wreckage. It's where she belonged.

This new life she had for herself, more and more she was beginning to accept that she made the right call. Part of her would always hold onto who she had been and that was okay. Because not all of her had been so bad and towards the ending there, Nat had began to believe that she was getting better and wanted to get better. And she knew she had one person to thank for that, but she couldn't think of her out of the mixed feelings it would stir up. So she kept those thoughts buried for now as she simply focused on her breathing, trying to keep herself from jumping out of her skin and running. She wasn't that person anymore, she didn't run away, she stood her ground no matter how much it pained her.

Knowing that Frankie didn't and wouldn't judge her, that he wouldn't go running to the first person who offered him up any amount of money for the real story of the yellowjackets team it made this easier. The time they had spent together building this new life ( one that they had both had always deserved ) made this all possible. Getting to know her sibling and finding what worked and didn't in a healthy manor was nice. It was good. It also made it possible for the hug that soon came and there wasn't a need for the brunette to pull back or push him away. She simply leaned into it, her chin resting against his shoulder as she closed her eyes to fight the tears that wanted to fall.

"I know..." she whispered with her usual raspy tone. Though she knew that and finally accepted it, it was still nice to hear it. To have that confirmation and reassurance that he did love her and wouldn't stop loving her. Even though she had gave him plenty of reasons to stop loving her, she was thankful he was just as stubborn as she was. "I love you too," she added, something she wouldn't have been able to say a year ago. But she always felt it, always held love for Frankie and never stopped loving him.

A few beats of silence passed before she was exhaling a slow shaky breath. "We did this thing with a deck of cards..." she began again, speaking slowly, taking her time with piecing her thoughts together in order to explain what they did out there. "Whoever drew the queen card would...they would be next...a-...and we did that to appease..." her words trailed off into a whisper, breath hitching in their throat. Because what could she call It in hopes of explaining whatever they thought was out there? None of them knew what It was or even if there was something out there.

It was just us! Shauna's words rang through her head, flashes of the other woman standing on the other side of the fire passing through her mind. It causes her to pull back and turn so she was facing the television again, her hands in her lap with fidgeting fingers that picked at one another. "We just did it. We picked who was next..." she continued, figuring that would suffice as she didn't know what happened out there, not entirely. "And that's what we did that night at the compound. We thought that...that if we chose someone it would...fix everything."

Before everything went to hell and lead to this new life, everyone wanted to know everything about her. It didn't matter how off-putting she tried to make herself appear to others, there was always someone wanting to know. Wanting to dig deeper, peel back all the layers and get to source and it left her with very little people in her life. And for the most part she didn't mind that and actually preferred it because it meant she couldn't and wouldn't hurt whoever was foolish enough to be around her. Frankie was different, however, and she's known that since forever and it was time.

It was easier ( a term used very lightly ) given that she was making the choice to peel back the layers. That she was choosing to share the deepest parts of her with someone who didn't know what really happened out there. It didn't make it any less frightening and her heart rate picking up was clear that she was still nervous about talking to him about this all. But she pushed pass it, took a few deep breaths and kept reminding herself that she could and did trust him.

He's always been so patient with her and even more so this last year. That helped with her taking this step, knowing that she could take her time and that he would never rush her. So she does, she lets whatever is playing on the television be the only sound for a few beats before she continues. "What I'm going to tell you is...I'm breakin' a pact that I made with the others before we came home. A-...and it's the only way I can...I can finally be rid of that life." Her voice remains soft and with its usual raspy tone as her eyes search his own, trying to gauge his reaction, as if trying to figure it out before it happened.

"We did a lot of...a lot of bad shit out there after the first month or so. It was hard...we had to resort to um..." she trails off, lips pursing and twisting as hands rubbed against her thighs. "...lets just say there's a reason why only a small amount of us came back and they couldn't find the others." Not even after all this time could Natalie utter the words, to speak it out into the open; we had to kill and eat one another. Though she didn't say it aloud, she thought it and she never would be able to stop thinking about it.

[thatkpophoelife]

Jealousy

PAIRING: Jungkook x Fem. Reader (ft. Taehyung and NCT Jaehyung)

RATING: Mature 18+

GENRE: NonIdol Au. Highschool Au. Smut. Fluff 

WC: 8K

SUMMARY: You and Jungkook have been best friends since the beginning of time. You spent every waking moment together until one night your at a party and the feelings you have been trying to keep inside decide they want to erupt and make your life harder than you ever could have expected. 

WARNINGS: Swearing. under aged drinking. Big dick Jungkook. Oral (Fem. Rec.) Nipple Play. Fingering (Fem. Rec.) Multiple Orgasms. Cream Pie. Unprotected Sex. Slight Daddy Kink. Slight degradation (hardly mentioned). Thigh Ridding. 

A/N: I’m so happy I’m finally done with it. I am so happy with the result. I have been working hard for the last few days getting this ready to post so sorry if anything is spelt wrong or doesn’t make sense. ENJOY! 

You and Jungkook have been best friends since the first grade. It all started when you fell off the monkey bars during recess. Your palms and knees were bloody and scraped. The cement was rough against your skin and you could see those small little rocks in the small cuts on your hands. As a little kid they seemed way worse than they really were. You were scared you would need to go to the doctors for stiches and then they would need to give you a shot. You were like 7, things like that terrified you.

When you looked up through your watery eyes, you could see a little boy with cute cheeks, deep brown eyes, and bangs. You looked back down at the ground and wiped off your cheeks and nose. When you looked back up you saw the same boy but with his hand out for you to grab. You reached out to grab it and he pulled you up with a huge grin and a huff.

“I’m Jungkook but my friends call me Kookie.”

“I'm Y/N. Thanks for helping me up Jungkook.” You though it had a nice ring to it.

“No problem. I have a band aid in my pocket, you can have it”

“Really? Thanks.” When he handed you the band aid you couldn’t help but notice it had a small picture of Woody from Toy Story on it.

In the days that went by, you two hung out nonstop. He told you almost everything that you could learn about a 7-year-old. You learned his birthday was September 1st, he has an older brother named SeokJin that everyone calls Jin, he likes pizza, and loves soccer. You knew other things of course, but those were just some of the basics.

You became best friends extremely fast and spent most of your summer together. You went to the beach more than once a week. Your parents became friends with his parents and there was no going back on this friendship now. You did develop a teensy tiny basically non-existent crush on Jin but it quickly went away when Jungkook called you out on it and asked you to never see his brother in that light again. You agreed because even though you were only now 8, you still had your priorities and Jungkook was in the top 3.  

By the time second grade came around he asked you, aka forced you, into joining his soccer team so you could “spend more time together.” You whined for the entire first practice. Since your mom was excited to finally see you doing a sport, she put your hair up in pigtails and bought you neon pink knee socks with a just as neon yellow visor. You were not happy. When you got to the field you felt out of place and like everyone was laughing at you. Those worries effected how you played. Just because you never played the sport before doesn’t mean you weren’t somewhat decent at it.

You knew how to dribble kind of well and you had decent aim when trying to make the ball in the net. But your real strong suit was goalie. You were never afraid of the ball or of getting hurt. If you needed to you would gladly dive for the ball if that’s what your team needed to win a game. You were never a girly girl so getting dirt on your knees never bothered you.

Despite all of this you still didn’t want to try out. Your mom was loud and never stopped cheering your name, no matter where you were. You had no other siblings so it’s not like she had anywhere else to be. She had her own small company that way she could create her own schedule and get to go to anything you wanted her to and as far as she knew that was everything. All of your class field trips, sport games, school plays, everything. You were too nervous to tell her otherwise because you didn’t want to hurt her feelings. You know that she only went overboard because she loves you so much but sometimes you wished she loved you a little less. And your dad was always busy with his 9-5 job so he never went to any of your things.

You never stopped playing though. You ended up enjoying the sport more than you could have expected. It was even more enjoyable since you were actually good at it, you always got to be goalie in all of your games. You and Jungkook were actually the star players on your co-ed team. And whenever Jungkook would ask you about why you still played even though you “didn’t like it that much” you always said you liked it enough to continue playing and that you had nothing better to do. You knew deep down that he knew you enjoyed the sport just as much as him, but you also knew he would never call you out on it.  

You won almost all of your games, and you and Jungkook always fought over who deserved the trophy’s. Your argument was that the goalie was a key role to stop the other team from scoring. Jungkook’s was that he made most of the goals to keep your teams score up too high for the other team to ever catch up. It always came to a vote among your teammates, Jungkook always won and you knew it was because most of the girls had a crush on him and wanted him to like them back.

Besides that, nothing exciting happend in your friendship for a while. You spent a lot of time playing soccor in parks and when it was soccor season. You spent all of your summers together and both you’re your guys’ parent let you two get a golden retriever to take care of named Olive the summer before 6th grade. She was staying at Jungkook’s though because it was his idea in the first place. It didn’t mean you never go to see her there. You spent half of your summer there so you saw her a lot.

In your summer of 7th grade Olive got hit by a truck. You were both devasted and Jungkook spent a week at your house. All because Jin forgot to let Olive in at night so she decided to run. Jungkook didn’t talk to Jin for almost a month.

Then in 8th grade a boy named Park Jimin decided to throw a “End of the Summer Almost Freshmen in High-School” party. In reality it was more like ten people that were all in some way shape or form a part of his friend circle. You were invited because they needed another girl to come and Jungkook talked you up so much Jimin had no choice.

The night was all fun and games until his parents went to bed. He quickly grabbed an empty 16-liter Coca-Cola bottle and sat it in the middle of the floor and had everyone gather around in a circle. You were beyond nervous considering you hardly knew any of the boys that were playing and you have never had you first kiss.

A few rounds went by and nothing particularly interesting happened. Jimin kissed some girl named Emily that you didn’t like that much anyways. Then it was Jungkook’s turn. He spun it and you could hear your heart pounding in your ears. It felt as if the bottle was spinning non-stop. Past Emily, past Nichole, past Maddison, past Jimin, past everyone else. Then it stopped, and pointed at you.

You felt your heart speed up. You couldn’t kiss your best friend. It was wrong in so many ways. But the chanting of your names in the background couldn’t go unnoticed. You had no choice but to kiss him. Well, you kind of did but you were hoping that by doing something like this people will start to like you more and not look at you as Jungkook’s best friend. You both sat up and looked each other in the eyes.

Slowly the rest of the world started to silently drift away. You don’t know if it was because everyone around you stopped talking to watch the kiss or because you were to focused on Jungkook and nothing else. His right hand slowly went to up to your caress your cheek while his left hand was on the floor keeping him balanced. You couldn’t help but notice the sparkle in his eyes. The way they traveled from your pupils, to the tip of your nose, and finally landing on your lips. The way his thumb rubbed gentle circles into your cheek leaving a burning sensation wherever it touched. The way he locked eyes with you one last time to make sure he had your permission first.

You noticed that the second you nodded your head giving him permission; he didn’t waste a second to kiss you. The kiss was soft but urgent. Like you both have been waiting for this very moment for so long. Once he broke the kiss, he looked you in the eyes and gave you a look you would never forget. He smirked.

You couldn’t help but shake your head in absolute confusion and utter disbelief. Did he want that kiss to happen? Did he do that because the guys were watching? You didn’t know. The only thing you knew, was that you’ve had a huge crush on your best friend since the very beginning.

Ever since that day he helped you up from the dirty ground when your hands and knees you scraped and bloody. Ever since he told you it was a good idea to co-own a puppy. Ever since the last day of middle school when you took a selfie jumping with glee. These feelings had been hiding ever since the beginning, and Jungkook’s lips was the only thing to break down the barriers and release those feelings.

You didn’t bother to sit back down in the circle. You wanted to go home, needed to go home. You didn’t want to wake up your parents and ask them to pick you up. You also didn’t want to walk through the door and have them ask why you came home. You knew exactly what to do.

Call Jin.

He answered on about the fourth ring. “Hello?” said the course and tired voice from the other line. You felt bad the second you heard him speak because you knew you woke him up.

“Hey Jin. Umm I was wondering if you could pick me up from the party?” You were prepared to literally beg him to come pick you up.

“Whatever. It’s the same house Kookie’s at, right?” You couldn’t believe you didn’t even need to ask twice.

“That is very correct. I will be ready and waiting outside for you to pull up.”

“Loser. I will be there in 10, don’t make me wait.” You couldn’t help but smile widely while you were getting you stuff together and putting your shoes on.

“Y/N? What are you doing?” You have got to be kidding.

“Hey Jungkook, what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean what am I doing here. I was invited” You can see it written all over his cute little bunny face that he was so confused.

“I- I'm just not feeling too well, I'm going home” You couldn’t help the painfully obvious stutter as you lied to your best friend’s face.

“How, it’s a sleep over? Your mom won’t be thrilled if you called her at 1 o’clock in the morning.”

“I already called someone, and they should be here any minute now so you can go back and enjoy kissing those other girls.” What did you just say? You couldn’t stop the words before they came out. Would that be how he found out you liked him? Is that the sentence that would ruin your friendship? Sometimes you felt so very stupid.

“Okay I will.” With that he walked back to continue the game of spin the bottle with a huge smirk on his face. You couldn’t help but stare, eyes wide and mouth agape. You couldn’t help but wonder if that kiss meant nothing to him. As far as you knew that was his first kiss, and it was most defiantly yours.

As you were lost in your dark cloud of thoughts, your phone dinged making you jump a little. It was Jin texting you that he was already there to pick you up. If you were honest, you weren’t expecting him to be here this fast.

You quickly picked your bag off of the ground, slipped on your black and white checkered Vans, and made your way out the door. When you got to Jin’s car, you quickly threw your stuff in the back and climbed into the passenger seat.

“Where to Y/N?” You could still hear the sleep in his voice and see it in his eyes. He was wearing a simple grey Champion hoodie with black Nike joggers. His hair was all messy from sleeping and the moon perfectly aligned his features. You couldn’t lie, Jin was one of the most attractive men you have ever seen, but you prefer guys closer to your age. Plus, you like the younger brother anyway. Hey snap out of it you need to not like your best friend.

“Um, Y/N? Where do you want me to take you because if you don’t speak up, I will take you straight home.”

“Oh, sorry. Can I just crash at your guys’ place? I know Kookie’s not there but I don’t want my parents asking questions and to yell at me for waking you up.” Yes, you were playing the, ‘please don’t rat me out’ card. But you weren’t lying to him so what’s the problem?

“Sure, just sleep in Kook’s bed. You tend to snore sometimes.” He reached over to ruffle your hair with a huge grin on his face

“Hey! I do not snore!” You felt like a 5-year-old throwing a fit with the way you pouted out your bottom lip, crossed your arms over your chest, and sank into the seat.

“Whatever dork. Why do you want to leave early anyways? Did something happen?” You could tell he was genuinely concerned, and he was crazy good at keeping secrets so what was the harm in telling him about your mild crush on his little brother.

“At the party after Jimin’s parents went to sleep we all played spin the bottle and when it was Kookie’s turn I suddenly was really really nervous it would land on one of the other girls and I didn’t know why but then it landed on me and we kissed and now I think I have a moderately huge crush on him that I never realized I had before and I'm kind of freaking out. Don’t tell anybody though please,” You finally took a breath after your long and wordy run on sentence.

“You’re just now realizing?” Jin had a huge smile on his face and was laughing but you had no idea why.

“What do you mean ‘you’re just now realizing?’” You had no idea what he was talking about.

“Y/N you and Jungkook obviously have had huge crushes on each other for like ever. He admitted his to me a while ago.” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing and you knew you would ask Jungkook about it the next time you saw him.

“Can you just take me to your place. It’s late and I'm tired,” After your friendly reminder Jin drove off to his house so you could sleep. He didn’t poke and prod at it any more and you were grateful. Jin was the older brother you never had and you were the little sister he always wanted.

When you woke up Jungkook was already there. You told him about how Jungkook told him that he had a crush on you. Jungkook shot you down almost immediately saying it was just a way to attempt to humiliate him. You felt hurt. Your best friend of years and your huge crush basically said it would be humiliating to have a crush on you. Lucky for you, you left very shortly after and spent your weekend preparing for your first year of high school and getting over your crush on Jungkook. Mostly.

****

Your freshman year was chaotic. You and Jungkook had only a few classes together so you almost drifted apart. It didn’t help that ever since the party Jungkook seemed to be hiding something from you. Something big. The only thing that kept you close was soccor and Jin. But after first semester Jungkook started hanging out with seniors and going to parties. You asked to go once, thinking that he would stay by your side and not let you be taken away by some guy you didn’t know. That wasn’t the case.

Once you entered through the doors Jungkook quickly left your side and got drunk. You caught him in a corner making out with a girl you had never seen before. Then you watched as he pulled her away to a room. Your curiosity got the best of you and you followed close behind. After a minute of them being alone in a room you began hearing moans. You were destroyed.

You quickly made your way to the door so you could go back home, when you ran into a very beautiful man. He couldn’t have been much older than you. He had beautiful chestnut hair and two beautiful dimples. You didn’t even bother asking for his name once you saw the mischievous glint in his eye. You let him lead you to a room, know what was going to happen.

That was how you lost your virginity. It wasn’t special liked you hoped it was going to be. You later learned his name was Jaehyun. It didn’t matter because you didn’t plan on talking to him again. Neither of you wanted anything more than sex that night.

You and Jungkook got into a fight one night. You don’t know what happened to start the fight. All you remember is that it ended with both of you in tears and him hugging you like he never wanted to let go. You made up and everything that happened before that was forgotten. Mostly.

You spent the rest of your school years studying hard and getting through all of your actual difficult classes so the only non-elective class you were taking senior year was your English class. Which you had with Jungkook, of course. You spent your summers with him and you both made it into varsity soccor. He knew the truth about your love for soccor when he heard you talking to your mom about it.

You still hadn’t had a boyfriend yet in your sophomore year. You were just too busy with school to actually try to get a dude’s attention, and you said your junior year was going to be different. You would meet a guy, get Jungkook’s approval, fall in love, have the ‘break up talk’ when you sign up for college, and most likely do just that, break up. The only key problem is that whenever you were walking in the halls and saw a cute guy Jungkook would always say he was a dick and that he doesn’t know how to treat a woman. You tended not to ask questions.

But now you were standing in front of your full-length body mirror, smoothing out the wrinkles in your outfit and occasionally touching up your make up or hair. Your first day of senior year outfit was simple but was sure to turn heads. You opted for a tight-fitted white crop top that showed your cleavage, skinny ripped jeans that hugged your ass perfectly that also had a rip under your left ass cheek, and your black heeled Timberland’s. Your hair was perfectly curled and your makeup looked flawless. You asked Jungkook to bring one of his black leather jackets for you to wear over everything. Damn you looked good.

Just as you were shaking out any last nervous jitters you heard a honk, indicating that your best friend was here to pick you up. You quickly grabbed your bag, ran down stairs, and grabbed two slices of toast for breakfast. Saying by to your parents you turned the nob of the door handle and ran out towards Jungkook’s car. As you opened the door to his red convertible, he looked at you and his jaw dropped. You missed the way his eyes scanned your figure and he darted out his tongue to wet his lips. He was eating you up in his mind, hoping you didn’t notice.

“Hey Kookie, do you have the jacket I asked for?” You handed him a piece of toast as your put on your seatbelt, shaking him out of his trance as he gave you said jacket.

“Ready for our first day? You’re going to be turning heads in that outfit,” You missed the way his eyes snuck a glance at your cleavage before driving off.

“I know right. I’ve been single all of high school so far and this year I want that to change.” You had a huge smile plastered across your face as you spoke. “I like your outfit by the way, it’s nice.” He was wearing black skinny jeans, black doc martins, a black tee, and a black faux leather jacket. And because of Jungkook’s new found passion of working out his thighs looked incredible.

“Thanks. Are we still going out to lunch so we don’t need to eat cafeteria food?”

“Duh, what else, and chew with your mouth closed you look like a 7-year-old.” You rolled your eyes and Jungkook did not miss the small and simple gesture.  

“Hey! You’re the one who became friends with this 7-year-old.”

“That’s not fair you were an angel sent from heaven, my savior. Now you’re just a jack-ass.

“I know you love me.”

“Jungkook what would you know. At first you thought that 7x7 was 64.”

“Oh my god woman will you just drop that I was in 3rd grade.” You both just laughed at each other’s silly antics from when you were younger until you pulled into the school’s parking lot. The second you stood up and walked over to walk in with your best friend, every one stopped and stared. It felt like one of those dramatic movie scenes where the wind is blowing and everything turns into slow motion while you hear the main characters internal monolog.

“Why is everyone staring at us, is something in my teeth? Did my makeup smudge?” You pulled at the side of his jacket making him lean down so you could whisper in his ear. Just because you were walking in 4-inch heels did not make you as tall as him.

“No dummy. We look like the ultimate power couple right now. The hottest girl and guy in school, of course they’re staring.” You were so busy nodding your head and looking at other people that you didn’t catch the way his eyes fell to the curve of your ass.

You walked into school going to your respectable homerooms, then meeting up in the hall to go to your shared English class. You noticed that the popular girls kept trying to befriend you. You knew it was because you were now a threat and they did not want you to be prom queen. Last year you weren’t but guess who was, Emily. You still didn’t like each other. You don’t know why you didn’t get along but it’s not like you wanted to be her friend or something.

You and Jungkook sat down next to each other talking about how weird the day had been. People were still staring but who could blame them, you both had huge summer glow ups.

When you looked up at the clock hanging above the door, you notice a boy you’ve never seen before. He was incredibly attractive and had a beautiful symmetric face. You felt like you were drooling while you stared at him. Then he looked over at you and smiled. How the hell does a man’s smile look like that. You finally met the man that would actually rival Jungkook’s own good looks.

“Hey can I sit here?” You jumped when he asked the question, not expecting his voice to also sound hot.

“Yeah, Y/N by the way.” You held out your hand for him to take, but instead of shaking it he placed an opened mouth kissed on your knuckles. Wow he was hot. It made your thighs clench. Jungkook just rolled his eyes.

“Taehyung, it’s nice to meet you Y/N.” You were so entranced by this new boy’s handsome good looks you didn’t see the terrifying daggers Jungkook was sending his way. He read him like a book. He would lead a girl on, take her innocence, and then leave her out to dry.

Jungkook didn’t just guess this either, he had Taehyung’s snapchat and snapped him one summer after he saw him at a party. Taehyung had told Jungkook his tactics, and Jungkook even went to his house where he witnessed him use those very tactics.

“There’s a party at my house Saturday night around 10 pm, if you give me your number, I can text you the details and you can come.” You turned to Jungkook giving him hopeful eyes until he sighed and nodded. After all you don’t go to a party without your best friend.

“As long as Jungkook, my best friend since 1st grade might I add, can come with.” You weren’t going without him and that was that. Taehyung agreed without hesitation and you gave him your number. You quickly regretted it though because once he opened his mouth you lost interest extremely quickly.

All he could seem to talk about was all of the girls he’s hooked up with and how he could get any girl he wanted. You knew what he was trying to get at and became bored very fast. You were actually extremely grateful when the class started.

You and Jungkook passed notes the entire time, all about the egotistical boy next to you. And even though you didn’t like him, you would go to his party because you wanted to actually live a little your senior year. But sadly, one potential future boyfriend was out the door and you were back at square one.

The rest of the week passed by fast and because you had mostly easy elective classes you had no homework over the weekend for the first time in years. Which meant you had all sorts of time to party. You texted Jungkook to pick you up at around 9 so you would have time to get ready but still be at the party in time.

****

You woke up around noon on Saturday from your alarm. You didn't wake up because you wanted to but because you didn’t want to ruin the sleep schedule you didn’t even have. Why did you wake up again? Anyways once you woke up from you slumber you texted Jungkook to clear up some last-minute details.

 Y/N

are you up yet? I just woke up. why dont I wake up like disney princesses?? I look like a monster :(

Kookie

Disney princesses are pretty thats why you don’t look like them in the morning or ever for that matter

Y/N

stfu your no prince charming either

Kookie

Really? Then why would almost every girl in our school blow me???

Y/N

If thats the case then why don’t you get some so you can stop complaining to me about how horny you always are??

Kookie

Because I have my right eye some one

Y/N

WHO?!?! and why havent I heard about this until now?? and why just your right eye??

Kookie

Because not EVERYTHING is your business smartypants and dont talk about my left eye

Y/N

whatever I will find out about this mystery girl though… MARK MY WORDS!! YOULL BE JUNGSHOOK

Kookie

Whatever you say smartypants whyd you text me anyways?

Y/N

Right! your still picking me up, RIGHT?!

Kookie

Its you’re, but yes I'm still picking you up

Y/N

Good, I will be ready in 3-4 hours :)

Kookie

You do know the party is at like 10 right

Y/N

THEN JUST PICK ME UP AT 10 GOD DAMNIT

Kookie

Not how you spell dammit but alright

Y/N

Stfu english nerd and good bye until 10

 With that your conversation with Jungkook ended and you started to binge watch Haikyu!! until around 6. Then you rolled out of bed and started getting ready. You got into the shower, shaving everything. You didn’t know what was going to happen tonight so you figured you would be extra prepared. You even used your exfoliator, if you anyone got to touch you, they would be lucky.

Then you did your hair. You curled it perfectly and then put it in a high pony tail. Perfect party hair in your opinion. Then you did your makeup making sure to keep it simple yet amazing. You opted for a winged liner, perfectly done brows, and dark red lipstick. Lastly was your outfit. Your room was a complete mess after you threw half of your closet onto the floor but your pretty sure you found a great outfit.

You put on your matching set of black lacy lingerie that made your ass look good and your boobs even better. You than grabbed a different white crop top with a dangerously low cut making your black lace peak out from the sides and small booty shorts that barely covered your ass. Then you grabbed the same leather jacket you wore on your first day of school and put on a pair of sneakers. You went to that party with Jungkook once so you knew how crazy and disgusting the ground could be.

By the time you were completely done it was already 8:47. You didn’t think it would take quite that long to get ready but at the same time you did. You were touching up your makeup when Jungkook texted you he was waiting. You didn’t tell your parents about the fact that you were going to a party and they knew that if they saw you dressed the way you were, they would flip. So like any other teen, you made plans to sneak out.

The only person you to actually worry about catching you was your dad because you knew if your mom caught you, she would laugh at you and tell you to have fun. Your dad on the other hand not so much.

Jungkook parked a block down from your house and turned off his car headlights so he wouldn’t be as noticeable. You opened your window as quietly was possible and began to scale your wall. Thankful that your bedroom window was the one closest to the gutter and that you chose sneakers as your shoes. Once you hit the ground safely, you bolted for Jungkook’s car and got in as fast as you could.

“Hey cutie,” Jungkook said wiggling his eyebrows. Luckily for him, his car lights were off so you didn’t catch him gaping at your breasts.

“Sup, you ready to party?” You asked as he turned on the car and started to drive where the GPS told him.

“Yes, now remember no sleeping with some random dude and no drugs”

“Same to you mister”

“Ok so if you want to stay out late text your mom and ask if you can spend the night at my house because my parents are out of town and Jin is going to this food thing with his friends for like three days.” Jungkook said as he merged into traffic.

“Good idea,” You pulled out your phone and texted your mom knowing she would understand much better than your father. “She said that’s fine”.

“Good so if you get hung over you don’t need to try and explain it to your mom,” Damn was Jungkook always this smart, and did he always look this good.

After driving the rest of the way, you pulled into Taehyung’s house and you were awestruck. It was huge and surrounded by hedges. You couldn’t see another house within a mile which was good because that means the cops won’t be called because of noise complaints.

You stepped out of Jungkook’s car and walked into Taehyung’s house immediately being greeted with the smell of alcohol and weed. You quickly got separated from Jungkook and made your way to the kitchen to fill a red solo cup half full with some beer you found and apple juice. You slammed it down, wincing as it made its way down your throat. It wasn’t the best tasting but it was better than the beer by itself.

Once you were done making yourself the same drink again, you made your way outside and found a huge pool with a jacuzzi right by it. You scanned the area, seeing a couple making out in the pool and three boys you didn’t quite recognize playing around in the pool. As you continued looking around taking another sip of your drink you noticed something strange. Standing next to the pool was Jungkook and Emily.

She was twirling her hair in her fingers and giggling while Jungkook looked her up and down smirking the entire time.

You know you’ve been telling Jungkook to get a girlfriend for years now, but you thought he knew you were just joking. For some odd reason you were upset. You didn’t know why at first. Maybe because you didn’t like Emily, maybe because you didn’t want Emily to steal him away from you. You were Jealous. You hated when it hit you like a pile of bricks. But you definitely  intended on doing something about it.

You quickly downed the rest of your drink in your red solo cup hoping it would give you more courage, and made your way over to them.

“Hey Jungkook I need to talk to y-,” You were walking towards him and before you knew it you were falling into the pool. Your first thought was that you tripped but when you resurfaced from the water you saw Emily looking at you with a sly grin. All you could do was glare.

“Oops,” Emily snickered as she grabbed out her phone and took several pictures of you. Great now your hot ass makeup and hair was completely ruined. Shit you’re wearing a WHITE shirt and BLACK bra that are now wet. You looked down to confirm it and sure enough your shirt was more than see-through. AND Jungkook’s leather jacket was ruined. At least you wore sneakers.

“What the fuck Emily,” You were startled from your stare down with the girl when you heard Jungkook’s low voice. It was loud and honestly kind of turned you on. Wait you shouldn’t be thinking about your best friend like that. You shook the thought out of your head and looked up at Jungkook. His fists were balled up at his sides and his jaw was clenched. He looked fine as hell.

As you slowly made your way to the side of the pool, he took off his leather jacket and knelt down. Once you got to the side he reached down with both arms, inserted his hands under your armpits, and hoisted you out of the water. He then helped you take off his ruined leather jacket and threw it at Emily. “Happy now?” He then took his perfectly fine leather jacket and draped it over your shoulders instructing you to hold it closed. “Come on let’s go get you cleaned up.” He bent down and whispered it into your ear causing shivers to go down your spin. You could only nod in response.

As he led you towards the doors of the house, he yanked his jacket from Emily’s hand and gave her one of the scariest looks you’ve ever seen. All you did was smirk and stick your tongue out at her like a 5-year-old. You were very satisfied.

He led you through the crowd of people dancing and grinding on each other like they weren’t in a public setting. He then led you to what you assumed was going to be a bathroom but ended up being a bedroom. You couldn’t help but wonder how he knew his way around so well.

When you entered the room, you realized it was huge with a bathroom connected to it. “Why did you take me here instead of a normal bathroom?” You asked.

“Because most likely they are occupied by other people and I don’t really want to walk in on some other couple having sex. Especially when I'm with you.” What was that supposed to mean? “And before you ask how I know my way around, I used to be sort of friends with Tae. I only came here once when he tried hooking me up with some random chick and I guessed I just remembered my way around.” He was so honest so easily.

“Did you do anything with the chick?” You felt stupid the moment you asked.

“What?” You don’t know if he didn’t hear you or what but you still asked again.

“Did you do anything with her, the girl he tried hooking you up with?” You felt pathetic.

“I told you have my right eye on someone else.” He said leading you into the bathroom.

“Who is this lucky girl anyways?” You asked sitting on the sink countertop while you took off Jungkook’s jacket.

He paused, “Let’s just say, I played a game of spin the bottle at Jimin’s house before freshman year started. I kissed her. She was the only person I kissed that night. I realized that I had a massive crush on her but she left and felt hella crushed. I stopped playing and couldn’t help but feel like I was losing her forever. But I still spend all of my spare time with her and I couldn’t ask for a better best friend. Deep down I’m afraid that she will never like me back because of the girls I slept with freshman year but I want her to know that I only did that to try and convince myself that it I wasn’t in love with her. After I found out she slept with some random guy one night at a party that I took her to I came to my senses and let myself love her. I still regret the night I took her to that party because I wish I was the one to get to take her innocence away.”

You looked at him, you mouth agape, “oh” You knew he was talking about you.

You watched his eyes dart down to your lips as his tongue poked out lick his. His hands drifted down and grabbed your waist softly, just in case you wanted to stop him. He slowly leaned down, brushing your hair behind your ear and whispering in a deep raspy tone that made your panties wet, “You can stop me at any time”.

Within moments his soft, plush lips were on yours. Your hands made their way up his back and intertwined into his black curly locks, tugging harshly. Jungkook let out a low groan that made your body hot. One of his hands crept up and lightly brushed against your nipple making you gasp into the kiss. Jungkook didn’t waste any time and immediately his tongue was exploring your mouth.

Once you broke the kiss, gasping for air, Jungkook placed his hands underneath your thighs and picked you up, causing goosebumps to emit across your body. He carried you out of the bathroom, throwing you on the bed. You watched as he took off his shirt and crawled over you. You’ve seen him shirtless many times but this time it was different. You happy felt up his chest and you didn’t have to worry about him questioning you because he was kneeling over you, devouring you with his eyes.

Before you knew it, he was trying to take your shirt off. You gladly assisted him, pulling off your bra along with it. Once it was off and you looked up at him, you felt shy. Jungkook was just staring at your chest and wasn’t saying anything.

“Do you need to make it obvious that you don’t like my boobs?” Your hands went up to cover yourself. You were always insecure about them.

“Your right Y/N I don’t like your boobs; I fucking love them,” He quickly moved your hands away and leaned down. His mouth connected with your nipple, his tongue making your back arch into him. You felt yourself growing wetter by the second. His teeth gently grazed your nipple and you let out a loud whimper. You really hoped your great-grandma wasn’t watching you right now.

He left of your nipple with a pop and kissed his way to your other, leaving small hickeys marking his path. He did the same things to this one. You couldn’t wait anymore and moved your hand down to your core. You needed some sort of friction, but Jungkook’s hand stopped you.

“Ungrateful slut. I’m giving you all of this pleasure and you can’t wait. I want you to ride my thigh and maybe if I like what I see I’ll let you finish more than once tonight,” You looked at him in awe. When the fuck did he learn to talk like that. It was hot as hell but still.

He went and sat on the edge of the bed and looked at you. You werent sure what to do, so he pulled you onto his thigh. You froze up right away. You were straddling his thigh too afraid to do anything. He looked you dead in the eyes as his hands went down to your waist, forcing you to move. Relief flooded you. You were so happy that he finally let you have some sort of friction.

Your hands went to rest on his shoulders so it was easier to hold yourself up. You quickly started doing all of the work. Moving yourself at a fast pace on Jungkook’s thigh. You could feel his hard through his pants and it only made you more needy. He continuously clenched his thigh making you come undone even faster.

“Oh my god Jungkook. I think I'm gonna- I'm gonna cu-,” You let out shaky breath feeling that familiar knot build up in your stomach. Right as you were about to snap Jungkook stopped your hips from moving.

“Did you really think I was going to let you cum already? Go lay down.” You obeyed him quickly, watching as he kneeled down at the end of the bed. He grabbed your pants and with one swift motion slid them off, throwing them somewhere else in the room.

“Fuck Y/N. You’re so wet. I can’t wait to taste you. This good little pussy” He ripped your panties off of you, eliciting a loud groan. You were becoming impatient, squirming in front of him. He used his hand to hold your hips in place, while his other went to rub delicate circles on your clit. You watched as his face dove into you. Licking a stripe up your folds, collecting all of your juices.

“Fuck Y/N. You taste so good.” He groaned out, quickly diving back in. His eyes were blown out in hunger. He moved his hand away from your clit and replaced it with his tongue. Sliding one finger in you, moving at a slow pace and curling it, reaching your g-spot. A loud moan escaped you as you started trying to rock your hips against his face. Interlacing your fingers in his locks.

He pulled away to take a breath, “Do you think you can handle to fingers? Gotta prepare my baby for later. Yeah? I'm gonna stretch you out so good. Gonna destroy this pussy.” With that he inserted a second finger into you, reattacking your clit with his tongue. His pace kept intensifying. You could feel the familiar knot in your stomach build.

“Fuck Jungkook. I'm gonna-,” your words turned into a drawn-out moan when he hummed against your clit.

“Cum for me baby.” At that, the knot it your stomach snapped and relief washed over your body. You tried closing your legs but Jungkook held them open.

Once he was done lapping up all of your juices, he moved up and kissed you, hard. You could taste yourself on his tongue. Your hands made their way down to undo Jungkook’s pants. He broke away from the kiss and stood up, pulling his pants and underwear off in one swift motion.

You stared at his member for a second in awe. You knew he was big, but no that big. The tip was an angry red and you could see the veins. You were growing wetter just thinking about the delicious stretch.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he said “I'm gonna have to go in raw.”

You smiled up at him, bucking your hips up towards his hard to get some sort of friction. “I'm on birth control.” That was all you needed to say before he slowly started entering you. The stretch being uncomfortable.

“You okay?” He asked worry on his face. You shook your head, “It’s just, new.”

He smiled, “Just tell me when you’re ready.”

After a moment you shook your head, giving him the okay to start moving again. He slowly pulled out all the way before pushing in again, hitting your g-spot as he did. You could feel the veins on his cock, and your legs wrapped around his small waist as your hands wrapped around his neck.

He slowly started to pick up the pace, pulling out all of the way before pushing back in. It wasn’t long before the pain morphed into pleasure. Moans spilling from your lips. The louder you moaned the faster he went.

“Ha-harder, da-daddy,” you didn’t mean to say it, but when you did his head snapped up.

“Fuck, you’re going to be the death of me.” He starting snapping his hips into yours. You could hear the head board hitting the wall with each thrust but you didn’t mind at all. All you felt was bliss.

“Da-addy I-I'm gonna c-cum.” Your walls started clenching around him.

“Fuck baby, cum. Cum for daddy” With that you did. Your release hit you hard. Your legs shaking as you dug your nails into his back piercing a few layers of his skin. Moaning out his name.

Even after you came, he kept pounding into you, chasing his own high. Beautiful moans escaping his lips as he did. Your moans making him close. His body was coated in a layer of sweat.

“Cum in me daddy. Please. Fill me up.” You choked out as he relentlessly pounded into you.

“Fuck, I'm going to cum.” You tightened around him one last time, feeling as his seed shot into you. You both laid there for a moment. Neither one wanting to leave. You could feel your mixed juicing seeping out of your whole as he began to soften inside you.

He slowly pulled out of you, “You need to go to the bathroom.” He picked you up bridal style from the bed and walked you over to the bathroom. Setting you down on the toilet so you could pee. When you were done, he picked you up and set you on the counter, taking a warm rag and cleaning you off making you sigh at the pleasant feeling. He carried you back to the bed and laid you down, getting into his boxers.

He laid down next to you and covered you both with the blanket, before wrapping his arm around tightly around your waist. His chin on your head as he cuddled you. It wasn’t long before you both drifted off to sleep

****

When you woke up and saw your best friend next to you, sleeping peacefully, you were relieved. Relieved that it wasn’t a dream and relieved that he didn’t up and leave in the middle of the night to leave because he regretted it. You leaned over and draped your arm over his torso and snuggled up to him, resting you head on his arm. He groaned, making you halt your actions.

“Good morning beautiful.” He said with a smile, kissing you on the top of your head.

You smiled happy it was him you woke up next to, “Morning.”

****

A/N: I hope you enjoyed. :) Send any ideas you have for anything. P.S The gif wouldn’t load :( so sorry about that. 

[bridgertonbabe]

Daphne and Simon’s Children

Amelia Basset came into the world as the first Bridgerton of a new generation and was heavily fussed over not only by her parents but by her grandmother Violet and her adoptive grandmother Lady Danbury. While she inherited her father’s dark curly hair, she had the same doe eyes as her mother, as well as her heart-shaped face. Being the first child/grandchild/niece of the family meant she was spoiled rotten until she was followed by her two younger sisters quick succession. Sure, she had thrown tantrums as a growing toddler when her infant sisters captured their parents attention more than Amelia but after a while, the eldest Basset girl realized she could use her status as the oldest child to her advantage. She loved bossing her younger siblings about, forcing them all to partake in her tea parties and helping herself to whatever toys they may have in their bedrooms. As she got older she began to shadow her mother, mimicking everything she did, from the way she was poised to the way she politely laughed when she didn’t find a person funny but didn’t want to be rude. It greatly entertained Simon just how much Amelia was turning into Daphne 2.0, but it also softened his heart when the little girl emulated his wife’s kindness when she spent an entire day picking out posies of flowers from the Clyvedon gardens to hand out to their tenants. Amelia adored growing up in the country and was a very confident equestrian and loved more than anything to accompany her father on his morning rides during her adolescence. As she neared the age of making her debut, she attempted to mold herself into being as accomplished a young lady as she could be, knowing securing a respectable husband would pave the way for her younger sisters when they debuted in the following years. She took up cross-stitching (and while good, grew bored after completing a couple), the piano forte (she envisioned being as talented as her mother, but after a while realized she wasn’t all that passionate about the instrument), and art (she attempted a drawing of Clyvedon’s lake and then never picked up her sketchbook again). Her parents assured her that she needn’t be so focused on being a lady with a plethora of talents; all she needed was to be her charming and eloquent self. Naturally, upon her debut presentation she is named diamond of the first water, just like her mother before her. Simon gets his reckoning when every eligible gentleman of the Ton lines up at Hastings house to pay his daughter a visit, to which Anthony gifts him a bottle of whiskey. 

Belinda Basset came into the world screaming her tiny lungs out and the poor babe suffered from colic for the first six weeks of her life, much to her parents anguish. They hadn’t endured much with Amelia, but with their new infant daughter, Daphne did truly question her capabilities as a parent. Simon stepped up to the plate when he saw his loving wife’s utter despair, and insisted to the nurse maids that he would see to little Belinda himself. He held and comforted her, taking her everywhere with him; to visit the tenants, while he worked away in his office, even taking her for strolls around the garden. Though she cried and cried, Simon kept her attached to him, until one morning he awoke and Belinda was sound asleep, the first time the Hastings residents had awoken to such calm since she was born. Those early days of devotion created an unbreakable bond between Simon and his second eldest daughter. She was more of a tomboy than her older sister and loved play-fighting with her father as they took their daily stroll around the Clyvedon estate. From a young age Belinda was quite outspoken and was never shy when it came to voicing her dislike for vegetables, itchy dresses, and her older sister. The pair butted heads quite often, though over the years into their adulthood they did learn to form a mutual respect for one another. In many ways Belinda had taken after her Aunt Eloise in spirit, turning her nose up at the thought of having to attend balls and society events when her first season came. She always kept a book handy when attending the Ton’s events, much to her mother and Amelia’s disapproval. She often opined that she would never have the desire to marry and quite liked the idea of becoming an eccentric, something which she mentioned regularly in her correspondence with her favourite aunt, Eloise. Daphne asked of her sister to encourage Belinda to at least entertain the many men who offered marriage to her, to which Eloise laughed whole-heartedly back in her face. Much like her aunt, Belinda spent most of her days responding to and sending out letters to her many relatives; her ink-stained hands a familiar sight in the Basset home. As for her appearance, Belinda was as beautiful as her sisters, though she had a more striking, dark, and distinguished look to her that for ages her parents could not work out who she resembled. It wasn’t until she attended her first ball, where she was all dressed up and demure, that Lady Danbury let out a rare gasp. Belinda Basset was the spit of her late grandmother, and Lady Danbury’s dearest friend. 

Caroline Basset was a far easier baby than her sister Belinda. With a sulky two year old and a constantly babbling one year old, Caroline was a breath of fresh air for her parents, who would race each other just to see to her so that they could get a breather from their other, more vocal daughters. Caroline slept for hours on end, would breastfeed for well over a half hour, and only emitted a cry to alert someone to a full nappy. She and her oldest sister looked very much alike, the only real noticeable differences were the freckles that peppered Caroline’s cheeks and the blue eyes she got from her mother. Growing up she was a very quiet child, a respectful and diligent pupil, and a faithful and trustworthy companion for all of her siblings. Perhaps it was because she was more of a listener than a talker (unlike her sisters) but everyone favoured Caroline’s calming presence and relied on her for emotional support. She was much more sensible than either of her sisters, and it was common for the Hastings staff to walk in on Amelia and Belinda wrestling one another while Caroline blocked them out with her nose stuck in a book. Much like her sisters, she took great comfort in being out in nature and thoroughly loved her stays at Aubrey Hall, My Cottage, and Romney Hall - but her favourite place to holiday was up in Scotland on the Kilmartin estate. She adored her Aunt Francesca (and was secretly in love with her Uncle Michael) and the pair would take long walks together through the Scottish hills. If it wasn’t for the nearly twenty-year age gap, Caroline could have been her aunt’s twin in the identical way that they carried themselves and quietly got on with things. As a teenager Caroline was the only one of her siblings to take up playing an instrument; the violin, and she disciplined herself into practicing until she had perfected her music scores. During Christmases at Aubrey Hall she would accompany either her mother or Francesca playing the piano forte, Anthony on the trumpet, and Kate on the flute; much to the earache of Uncle Phillip, who just wanted to nurse his scotch in peace. Caroline turned out to be the most business-minded of her siblings and in her adolescence asked her father if she could accompany him on his visits to the tenants. Simon was more than happy to entertain her curiosity and even invited her to sit in with him in his office when he went over the books; an offer which she eagerly took up. She regularly paid visits to her dad in his study to assist in the various paperwork, and as she got older she would even offer to take on some of the workload, in order to give him a break. It came as no surprise to Simon when Caroline got married and insisted on equally handling the management of her new estate, a stipulation her besotted husband happily obliged with. 

David Basset was born and the Hastings dukedom was instantly secured. He had the same handsome face as his father and also the Duke’s shy disposition. Of all his children Simon feared his son would suffer with a stammer much like he did as a boy, and worried about history repeating itself by being a poor father to a child who needed his unwavering support. Fortunately, David had no trouble speaking, and the first word he uttered was; “papa”, which put Simon on cloud nine. Though he had no trouble speaking, David was a timid child who took his time being at ease with new people, and would frequently shut down altogether in social situations he found uncomfortable. Simon recognized when his paternal guidance was needed and assured his son that while it’s natural for nerves to get the better of people, putting himself in more social situations will aid his insecurities as the more practice he gets from talking to and being around new people, the better he’ll be able to cope with it as he gets older. For his first season Simon stuck by his son’s side for moral support and he also had assistance from David’s favourite sister, Belinda, who enjoyed socializing with members of the Ton as much as he did. Daphne also lent a hand in encouraging her son’s confidence by hiring a dance teacher for him to perfect the many dances he may partake in at the many, many balls the Ton boasted every season. He was very hesitant at first, until he walked in to his first dance lesson and found Edmund, Miles, and Charles all gathered to learn alongside him, and soon his weekly dance lessons became his favourite part of the week with all the fun he had rehearsing with his cousins. As the future duke, his father would get David to shadow him in order to learn the duties he would one day have to perform himself, an idea that came about when Caroline began showing an interest in the running of the estate. David wasn’t as certain about the many tasks his father had to see to everyday, but once again Simon was there to assure him that he himself understood none of it when he inherited the dukedom. His son was reminded of how lucky he was to have a father as supportive as Simon was and it was his most cherished relationship, until David met his future wife. 

Edward Basset was a big surprise to his family when he was born seventeen years after his sibling closest in age, David. Simon had previously mocked his brother-in-law, Anthony, for having little Mary as he neared his fifties - so naturally Anthony returned the favour when Simon became a father again at the age of fifty. Little Edward kept Simon and Daphne on their toes; neither one being able to remember if having a young child was this difficult when they had their first twenty years previously. Edward had a lot of energy which his parents couldn’t always keep up with, and out of guilt Daphne coddled him more than she had done with her other four children (plus she wanted to cherish her last baby as much as she could). For his sixth birthday Edward was given a basset hound puppy as a playmate, to make up for the fact that his four siblings were already all married, with his sisters all having children of their own. He and Wally loved to cause mayhem all about the grounds of Clyvedon; from jumping into the algae-riddled lake, splashing in mud in the rain and making a mess, to chasing a herd of wild deer through the estate when the extended family came to visit one summer. “Darling, do you think we let Eddie get away with too much?” Daphne asked her husband. Behind them, Edward was pulling by his hands and Wally by his mouth the blanket where Gregory’s baby twins slept. “Yes.” came the uniform answer of Amelia, Belinda, Caroline, and David, as Gregory and Michael ran after the basset hound and the youngest Basset child. During the Bassets’ twenty-three years of marriage, no child of theirs had ever had the misfortune of walking in on the couple during their love-making - that was, until Edward. At seven years old he walked into his parents bedchambers, saw his father’s bare bottom, and charged at it with his toy wooden sword. Suffice to say, the misfortune of the incident was all Simon’s when a nurse had to pluck splinters from him. As he grew into his adolescence, Edward evolved into somewhat of a daredevil, regularly sauntering into the dining room at mealtime with new cuts and bruises. His parents had long ago given up enquiring how he had acquired all his new injuries, simply choosing to marvel at the resilience of their son’s body. Edward had a cocksure confidence to him that his brother lacked when he was his age and had a gift to charm his way out of all sorts of trouble he regularly found himself in. His effortless charm matched his appearance as though he was as handsome as his brother, he had a more rugged and ruffled look to him that captured the hearts of many young ladies of the Ton. While David took after their father, Edward’s looks were more similar to the Bridgerton side of the family. Simon’s blood ran cold when his son returned home from Cambridge sporting sideburns, and in a certain light all the Duke of Hastings could see was a younger version of his best friend, brother-in-law, and the man who once made to shoot at him in a duel; Anthony Bridgerton. After this horrific epiphany Simon announced he was turning in early - it was only half four in the afternoon. 

[usmsgutterson]

Angelic- Kaz Brekker

OKAY, SO, I know that a lot of you have, in fact, sent requests, and I promise, I’ve got more than one in the works, but here’s a little filler while you wait for your request to be responded to!

It’s a bit ooc for Kaz, but that’s just cause he’s gone a little soft, in a way? 

ALSO: The crows and the reader are around 24 for this, you’ll understand why when you read it, and Jesper and the reader are adoptive siblings, sort of!

Fic type-

Warnings- none

Kaz Brekker had spent every waking moment of his life loving you.

You spent every waking moment of your life loving him, and even if touching wasn’t really apart of how Kaz showed his love, he showed it in other ways.

Giving you a sweater to sleep in, a shirt that’d always been too big or even a pair of trousers that’d he’d just not worn in a while, figuring that you’d find some way to make them look better than he ever could.

You had your ways, as well. 

Making sure to get him breakfast every morning, dinner every evening, and lunch in between. Cracking a joke when the time arose, knowing where he’d set his boundaries and not pushing them. Offering smiles, warm glances, making sure he’d get to bed at the appropriate times. 

Sitting, perched on a windowsill, knees near your chest, book clutched in your hands as you read, or no book at all. Maybe your eyes would be on the view from Kaz’s office as you quietly hummed a lullaby or a drinking tune, a sea shanty you’d probably have shouted alongside Sturmhond and the rest of his crew, forcing Kaz to bite back a smile as you’d let your guard down in those moments, eyes focused on the view and not at all paying attention to your surroundings. Kaz got to admire you in those moments, and he loved every second of it.

But, Kaz’s favorite time of the year was when business died down enough for him to be comfortable enough to leave Nina or Inej in charge of The Barrel for three days, when he’d get to usher you away from everything and out to the farmlands in Novyi Zem, where light pollution wasn’t nearly so common as it was in Ketterdam.

Colm Fahey, bless his heart, had agreed to let yourself and Kaz spend a couple of nights in his place while he visited Jesper and Wylan in the city to talk about their wedding plans. 

As you set yourself and Kaz up in the room Colm had given the two of you, Colm took Kaz aside. Made him tea, sat him down and let their silence stir. 

“You’re a lucky one, you oughtta know,” Colm murmured after a few moments. “Y/N doesn’t got much in the way of parents.”

“Are you insinuating to me that you think I’m going to propose?” Kaz asked, hand moving to the ring box tucked away in his pocket. 

“Yes,” Colms whispers were firm. “Jes let it slip, actually. All I’m saying is that--”

“If they say yes, your place in the wedding is up to them,” Kaz turns his head, glances up the stairs as his grip tightens on the ring box. “However, an invitation, at the least, is something that I can guarantee.” Colm smiled as he picked up his cup, finishing off the last of his tea and gripping his back with one of his pale hands. 

“I plan to do nothing but,” Kaz assured. “Tell Jesper I said yes to being his best man, and that he’s missed in the Barrel.” Colm just nodded, walking out the door thereafter.

“You treat them right,” Colm warns. For a moment, Kaz feels a shiver of fear go up his spine, but catches himself with a slight laugh. Torn down by my lovers surrogate father, he thought, shaking his head. I can’t believe it!

You two had agreed to meet in the farm, and as Kaz walked out, he spotted you, back pressed against a tree trunk, eyes on the vast sky. 

It was a bit of a distance, but Kaz walked it just fine, slumping down next to you and leaning his cane against the tree as the sunset slowly burned out, and the pinks, oranges, yellows, reds and purple hues were replaced by a murky, black sky.

“I love you, Kaz Brekker,” you murmured as he plopped onto the ground. “I love you so much it makes my heart ache.”

“You’ve always been my favorite investment,” Kaz joked, laughing as he felt your fist lightly hit his arm a moment later.

“Mr. Brekker!” 

“Mx. Brekker!” You froze at that, eyes wide, mouth agape, and Kaz, figuring that it was as good a time as any, pulled the ring box from his pocket.

“Y/N L/N, we’ve been together for eight years now. I’ve known you for over ten of those years, though, and each year with you has gotten better. Please marry me?” He held the ring out to you, and when you nodded, slid it onto your ring finger.

“This was my fathers,” you whispered. “Where’d you get it? I haven’t seen it since I was thirteen!” 

“Had Inej do some snooping,” he admitted. “Found it in a Fabrikators store in West Ravka. I’ve got your mothers wedding ring, too.”

“Give that one to Inej,” you quipped. “She’s my work wife!”

“Even while she’s killing slavers?”

“Hells yeah!” You shouted, arms going into the air as Kaz tucked the ring box back into his pocket. “Do you think she’ll ever come back? To Ketterdam?”

“Last Nina heard of her, she plans to return around Christmas,” Kaz took your hand, waiting for the rise of his past. When it came, he waited for the wave to fall. 

“I can’t wait!” You’d missed her like hell, which Kaz knew. “Goodness, I’ve missed her.”

“She’ll squeal with you about the engagement,” Kaz murmured. “Especially with Nina around. That’s a goddamn guarantee. You can never keep a room too quiet when you three are in one of your excited tizzies,” Kaz interlaced your fingers, and you pressed a kiss to his cheek without a second thought.

“You love me and my excited tizzies, Mr. Brekker,” you teased. Kaz almost touched his cheek as you moved away, resting your head on the tree as your eyes moved back up to the sky again.

“That I do, Mx. Brekker.” He loved every part of you, in every waking moment of every waking day. You were like a storm to him; a tsunami. You were chaotic and scary and delightful and terrifying all at once; a landslide of feelings throughout ten years and more landslides to come, he was sure. 

“The stars are always so much brighter here,” you whispered after a few hours of small talk and hand holding, with, of course, a few comfortably quiet periods in between when Kaz got distracted and his past rose up, when he ran his fingers through the grass to distract himself for as long as he’d needed. “Not all of Novyi Zem, of course, cause of the factories and apartment complexes in the city, but the farms!” 

“It’s quite wonderful, isn’t it?” Kaz pointed to a constellation when he’d noticed it, hung high in the air. “Look at that, it’s the bloody Sankta Alina constellation!” Kaz wasn’t one for saints, you knew he never would be, but he could name at least three constellations off the top of his head, thanks to Ninas astrology based ramblings.

“Woah!” You jumped, not understanding how you’d not realized it before. “It’s so big, too! What’s it, thirty stars up there?” 

“Sixty seven,” Kaz corrected. “Nina told me that before Inej came in and dropped your ring off.” 

“Saints,” you cursed. “Rather fucking angelic, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah,” Kaz murmured, but his gaze had long since moved off the constellation and back onto you. He pressed a quick, gentle kiss to your cheek and gave your hand a squeeze. “It really is.” 

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty-Three

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: so yeah this isn’t my best work bc i havent been feeling great lately but i hope you guys can stay patient with me until i get my shit together. we’re almost to the end🤞

***

Sitting crammed between Elain and Feyre on the gray couch in Lana’s office, Nesta has to cross her legs prettily and pretend she doesn’t want to peel out of her skin right there. She doesn’t know what she was thinking when she invited her sisters to one of her therapy sessions, but she’s assuming it would be considered rude to kick them out now.

“Who wants to speak first?” Lana’s bob swings as she looks at each of them. The office is ice cold today, and Feyre and Elain’s presence doesn’t help the chill in the air.

Nesta crosses her arms before she can be asked to speak. “No, thank you,” she says. She knows everyone probably expects better from her, but no way in hell is she going to be the first to open up in front of this crowd. “Feyre,” she turns to her youngest sister instead, “why don’t you say something?”

“Actually, why don’t you set the example, Nesta?” Lana gives her a look, making her cheeks redden with irritation.

“Fine,” Nesta grumbles. She clears her throat. “As you can see, I have made moves to reconnect with my sisters. I invited them here because I hoped that therapy would bring us closer and also make them more… tolerable.”

Elain coughs, “Bitch.”

Nesta smiles tightly. “Elain could especially use this, I think.”

Lana is already frowning. She never frowns this early into a session. “We’ll start with an easy question, then. What’s been on your mind lately, Nesta?”

Nesta purses her lips, pretending to think. “Nothing important. I’m looking at jobs for the summer. I think Azriel keeps sneaking money into my purse, and it’s starting to become more than a little condescending. I caught up with some friends from school, and I was polite enough to pay for lunch.” She mentions off to the side to Elain, “Lucien was there, too.”

“Why would I care?” Elain sneers. She spies Lana’s disapproving look and lowers her head demurely. “Sorry,” she murmurs.

“That’s alright,” Lana says. “Why don’t you go next?”

“Me?” Elain’s head snaps up, and Nesta holds in her snicker.

“Start by describing your relationship with Nesta. I heard you two used to be very close.” Lana uncaps her pen, preparing to write.

Elain flushes lightly and folds her hands. “That was when we were children. The only thing keeping us together was that we shared a home. When we stopped living in the same place, some of us had no problem leaving others in the dust.”

“You can use my name,” Nesta rolls her eyes, “I’m right here.”

From the corner of her vision, Feyre cringes.

“Are you saying you feel abandoned by Nesta?” Lana continues probing.

Elain’s answering silence tells more than enough. Therapy must actually be paying off, though, because Nesta only thinks about interrupting and defending herself for a second before shaking it off. Her mind focuses on the word abandonment instead.

Lana is focusing on the same thing, because she leans closer and says, “Being abandoned bothers you?”

“I never said that,” Elain says indignantly.

“It would bother most people.”

Nesta watches Elain sigh and blink her big doe eyes at Lana. She’s always been able to use those eyes on anybody for anything. “I just don’t understand why I’m the villain for expecting a little loyalty,” Elain says sweetly. “Especially when you take a look at this face.” She cups her round cheeks. “You know psychology. How could you abandon this face?”

Nesta’s jaw hangs open. “Are we still talking about me?” She remembers Cassian telling her the story behind Azriel ghosting Elain, and a pang of guilt and pity hits her. She still hasn’t talked with Elain about why Azriel left Velaris, and she knows she won’t be able to decide whether to spare Az or not until she does.

“So that’s my turn,” Elain finishes up. “Feyre can go next.”

Lana is writing something sharply on her notepad, but she nods coolly. “Feyre, how would you describe your relationship with your sisters?”

“Oh, we don’t have time for all of that,” Feyre laughs awkwardly and waves a hand.

Nesta agrees, but the look Lana gives Feyre tells her that yes, they do have time.

Gulping, Feyre glances around. “Well, I was born last, so I guess that made me the outsider of the family. I never had much in common with my sisters, but now that we’re older I… hoped that we would grow past that.”

Translation: she hoped that once she found her happy ending in Rhysand’s arms, poor little Nesta and Elain would happily assimilate into her new community of wealthy friends, putting the cherry on top of her perfect life. And while Elain did that exact thing, it’s always bothered Feyre that Nesta won’t do the same.

Feyre continues, “I admit I’m not the best at understanding Nesta. Elain and I get along fine now, but Nesta…” Feyre meets her eyes. “It’s like nothing we do is enough for her, but for some reason I can’t stop trying.”

“Whose fault is that?” Nesta mutters.

“You want her approval,” Lana hums, taking notes.

“Is that what it is?” Feyre looks away.

Nesta refrains from saying yes, that’s exactly what it is, and it’s not my problem if you keep looking for something I can’t give.

“What are your feelings about that, Nesta?” Lana turns her focus to her. “Remember that this is a safe space.”

It really isn’t, not with two siblings holding long term grudges against Nesta. But once and for all, she’s going to set the record straight. “I spent most of my life being a bad sister.” Nesta’s voice is apathetic, straightforward. “I let Feyre take the burden of providing for us even though I was the oldest, and I didn’t know how to be anything other than cruel to my family. So once I had the means to do so, I cut everyone off for all of our sakes. I still don’t regret it, because being a stranger is better than being a bad sister.”

In that way, Nesta is a bit like her mother. Nesta was angry after her death, but she knows she would have been even angrier if Magdalene Archeron had lived and continued to be a disappointing parent. In that way, both of them are wise for leaving their families when they did.

“Or you could just be a good sister,” Elain interrupts with a drawl.

Nesta smirks bitterly at her. “I’d rather die.”

Feyre takes in a breath. “Why? Why are you like that with us?” She blinks furiously, and Nesta can see the simmer of her emotions. “It was okay when we thought you hated everybody, but you don’t. You only hate me and Elain.”

Nesta looks to Lana for help, but her therapist is sitting this one out. She sighs through her nose. “I don’t hate you,” she says, even though they might never understand. The next line comes with great difficulty. “I’ve loved you since before I even knew what love was. But I don’t like you very much, Feyre, and you don’t like me, either. Please stop trying to change that.”

When she finally meets Feyre’s eyes, though, they’re glimmering with tears. “How can I stop trying to change that?” Feyre whispers. “How can I give up on us like that?”

For Nesta to give Feyre and Elain the relationship they want from her would require nothing but lies on her part. And as much as she wishes she was capable of lying about this, she can’t do it.

Looking away and down at her hands, Nesta mutters, “It’s not fun for me either, but it’s how I am. I can’t be easy or friendly with you. I hate watching you try to make me be easy or friendly.”

Nobody says anything to that, but when Nesta looks up again Lana gives her a remote nod that Feyre and Elain don’t catch. Thank you for your vulnerability, it says.

“You said something interesting, Nesta,” Lana breaks the silence. “Did you see your sisters as your responsibility to raise?”

Nesta shrugs. “I was the oldest,” she repeats.

“Your father was the oldest.”

“He wouldn’t do shit even if you held a gun to his head, so I was up next.” Though Nesta hadn’t done shit either. Neither had Elain, but the rules have always been different for her. Elain redeems herself to others by handing out sunny smiles and pretending to have the intelligence of a fawn.

Lana stares at Nesta until Nesta’s skin starts to heat. “What?” she says defensively.

Ignoring the other two women in the room, Lana leans forward. “You told me once early into our relationship that part of the reason you left Tennessee was to get away from your sisters. You said you were heartbroken when they ended up following you here.”

Nesta doesn’t breathe or look to see her sisters’ reactions.

“Now I’m going to ask: did you really want to get away from your sisters, or did you want to escape the feeling of failing them?”

Nesta doesn’t know how to answer, because to her they might as well be the same thing. Having Feyre and Elain around is like having a weight tied to her chest. The lingering guilt every time Feyre is in a room, her existence screaming I’m the reason you’re still alive. Elain’s constant expectations of unconditional support and loyalty, whether it’s reciprocated or not. It’s all so heavy. And it all goes back to the fact that the three of them were once just helpless children.

If she couldn’t take care of her sisters, how is she supposed to take care of any child, ever?

Nesta releases a weary sigh. “You’re going to bring this up the next time we have the baby talk, aren’t you?”

Lana’s eyes sparkle. “Don’t get ahead of yourself just yet.” But Nesta can see from where she sits that her therapist’s notepad is covered in bullet points.

***

“I need to use the bathroom.” Feyre is hopping back and forth on her feet once the session is over. “You guys head down to the parking lot without me.” She exits in a rush, leaving the two sisters alone. Nesta hisses in frustration, nearly chasing after Feyre so she won’t have to face the inevitable awkward conversation with Elain.

By the end of the session, it was Elain that broke and pleaded with Nesta, “Don’t do everything we want, then. Just keep doing better, the way you’ve already been doing. I’ll be happy with just that.”

Nesta was surprised that Elain had even noticed her efforts, but she retorted, “And how do you plan to do better?”

To which Elain twirled her hair and murmured something halfheartedly about, “I might be more open to taking criticism or whatever.”

Though it was the absolute bare minimum, it was still a relief for Nesta to hear Elain admit that she has flaws worth criticizing.

Now, Nesta clutches the straps of her purse and turns for the stairwell leading to the parking lot. Elain follows without comment.

Inside the stairwell, Nesta asks, “Have you spoken to Azriel since he left Velaris?”

Elain looks surprised at the sudden question, and doesn’t remember to be guarded when she answers, “No. Why?”

Nesta shrugs, her heels thumping loudly on the linoleum stairs. “Because I know what happened between you two. I know why he left.”

Elain halts midstep, grabbing Nesta’s arm and turning to face her with wide eyes. “What do you mean, you know? He told you?”

“He told Cassian, and Cassian told me.” Nesta hardly cares that she’s being a poor friend to Azriel by spilling all this to Elain, and continues, “If I had known he was such a coward, I would have kicked him out of our place a long time ago… but I figured I would get your input on it first.”

She’s never seen Elain look so genuinely pleading before. “Get my input on what?” Elain breathes. “What did he say about me? Was it something I did?”

At that torn face that borders on heartbroken, Nesta decides that she’ll do more than kick Azriel out of the cabin. She’ll kick him off the whole mountain.

She shoves Elain’s back to get Elain detached from her and moving down the stairs again, and as they walk, Nesta spills everything she knows. She tells Elain about Rhysand’s talent of shoving his nose into places it doesn’t belong, and how one conversation with him managed to convince Azriel to ditch Elain for good. She tells her about how instead of having a straightforward conversation with Elain, Azriel chose to leave the city and hide out in the mountains like a pussy. She might sound blunt, but Elain needs blunt. She needs to know the unfiltered truth of things.

By the time they reach the floor where their cars are parked, Elain is silent. “Did he really say that?” she finally asks quietly. “He said he wants me to hate him?”

“That’s what I heard.” After a moment, Nesta feels the need to add, “You should hate him, though. He fucked up bad.”

When Elain continues strolling for their cars without replying, concern bites at Nesta. “You are mad at him, right? And mad at Rhysand? You’re not going to forgive them, right?”

“I’m not a total pushover,” Elain snaps. She stares at the cement ground as they walk. “I’m just… more disappointed than anything else. He gave up so easily.” She chuckles without humor. “It sounds like he was looking for an excuse to get away from me.”

Nesta frowns. “I don’t think he would’ve spent so long moping around our house if he wanted to leave you.” Though they can never truly know what Azriel was thinking or feeling until he grows a pair and talks to Elain. Still, she shudders at having to defend him.

“I take it he doesn’t mope anymore?” Elain says.

Nesta doesn’t know how to answer that truthfully. She knows there’s more to Azriel than he lets her and Cassian see, and she knows he’s gotten better at keeping his feelings to himself. So she says, “It looks like he’s doing better, but I really don’t know.” They reach Elain’s car.

“Were you in love with him?” Nesta suddenly asks. Or worse, is she still in love with him?

Elain digs around for her keys in her purse. “You know how I am. Of course I was.”

“Not anymore, though?”

Elain looks up, keys now in hand. “It’s hard to still feel love for someone I haven’t talked to in two months.”

Then it wasn’t real love. Nesta is relieved, even though it doesn’t change the fact that Elain is hurting either way.

Elain jabs her keys at Nesta and says sharply, “Don’t you dare punish him for what he did. That’s for me to decide on.”

Nesta’s brow creases in refusal. “I’ll do what I need to do, and you do you.” She’ll have to be careful with her plotting, though, considering Azriel is Cassian’s brother.

“No.” Elain surprises Nesta with the force in her tone. “He’s your roommate and your friend. Keep treating him like it.”

Elain makes it sound easier than it is, and Nesta wants to argue until she sees Feyre heading down the parking lot toward them. “Fine,” she grumbles halfheartedly.

Elain gives her one final long look, not of threat but something else. “Thank you—for inviting us today.” That’s all she says before getting in the driver’s seat of her little red car. At the same time, Feyre catches up to them.

“Where are you parked?” Feyre pants as she approaches Nesta. She sounds a bit out of breath, like she ran to get here before Nesta could drive off alone.

Nesta points down the lot to where her scrappy old car is waiting for her, and Feyre straightens up with a grim smile. “I’ll walk you.”

Nesta knows that arguing isn’t worth it, so she allows Feyre to trail her the rest of the way to her car. Once they reach the old thing, Nesta gives a curt goodbye and heads straight for the driver’s door. Before she can touch the handle, Feyre attacks her from behind with a hug.

“Get off me, freak!” Nesta tries to jostle her way out of Feyre’s arms. She tries being nice to her sisters one time and this is what she gets—

Feyre only squeezes her tighter. “You don’t have to hug back. Just let me love you my way.”

Nesta squirms for another second before stilling. Swallowing tightly, she stares at the reflection of herself and Feyre in the car door window. One of her hands goes to where Feyre’s hands are clasped around her stomach, and she stands there without moving. She can’t remember the last time she shared affection with a family member like this, but it must have been before their mother died.

The warmth at Nesta’s back doesn’t leave, like Feyre is trying to pour all her understanding into the hug. Silently saying, I’m finally starting to get it.

In a way, Nesta is starting to get it, too. After all, how do sisters with such a complicated history begin to forgive each other?

Not by apologizing, but by doing better in the future.

***

On her way home, Nesta remembers at the last minute to stop by Gwyn’s apartment to pick up one of her sweaters. She doesn’t know when Gwyn started raiding her closet like it was a free mall, but she has a school event next week and doesn’t plan on letting her nicest clothes rot at Gwyn’s forever.

Nesta enters using the key beneath the doormat, knowing Gwyn is at work and won’t mind her stopping by. She scans the living and dining areas for a glimpse of brown cashmere, but only finds scattered books and a disorganized mess. Her fingers twitch with the urge to stop and tidy up the place, but she continues hunting for the sweater. Gwyn promised it would be waiting in plain sight for her.

Realizing the scatter-brained girl probably forgot to put the sweater out for her, Nesta pauses in the hallway leading to Gwyn’s bedroom and bites her lip. She doesn’t know if bedrooms are off limits or not, considering how often Gwyn and Emerie have barged into hers, but she knows she doesn’t want to make a second trip here just for a sweater.

Without giving it further thought, she strides into Gwyn’s room—

And yelps to find Gwyn on the bed.

Except she isn’t alone, and there’s definitely another body under the dark green blanket with her, and whoever it is definitely has their head between her legs.

Nesta spins away at the same time she hears Gwyn’s cry of surprise. She braces one hand against the doorjamb and presses the other to her freezing cold face, not having any words for what she just saw.

“Nesta?” Gwyn calls from behind her. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Um, have you seen my sweater? It’s the expensive one.” She’ll just grab it and leave. Or maybe she’ll just leave—yes, that sounds like a good idea.

“Nesta?” a new, deeper voice repeats.

Gwyn hisses, and Nesta freezes because she recognizes that voice. She wants to be wrong so badly, but she has to whirl back around to confirm for herself.

“Azriel?”

***

a/n: i decided to cut this chapter short and add an extra one to flesh out my silly little gwynriel subplot. so if there’s anything specific or random you wanna see happen in the next chapter tell me bc i might have space for prompts!!

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook a favor: @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @frosted-crackers @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland @moodymelanist @pixieelea

[plus-size-reader]

Crush

Philip “Lip” Gallagher x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 1726 words

Warnings: none 

Summary: Lip develops a crush on the reader, Fiona’s childhood best friend

——————————————————————————————————

Fiona'd had friends of hers in and out of the house since Lip was a kid, but no one more so than you.

You were arguably her best friend in the entire world and everyone knew it. For the better part of both of your lives, you’d been inseparable and it was only natural that you get close with the rest of her family.

In a way, for them, it was like you were a part of their family, and even Frank spoke highly of you, which in itself was a feat. They just all seemed to love you.

Unfortunately though, as Lip got older, he didn't seem to feel the same way.

It wasn't that he didn't love you, because he did, and you were very important to him. It was just that he didn’t feel the same way for you that the rest of the Gallaghers did.

More than anything, he was in awe of you for everything that you were. You were confident and gentle, with more heart and soul than anyone he’d ever known. You were sweet, and caring, while also being a huge badass.

To Lip, you were everything.

...But he knew the truth.

You saw him as nothing more than your best friend's annoying baby brother, and that was never going to change. What did change though was how Lip wanted you to see him.

He didn’t want to be that in your eyes, not when he could be so much more.

Not that you could ever know that.

Lip was positive that he would die if you ever found out how he really thought about you. Nothing could ever be more embarrassing, especially because he had a pretty good idea of how it would go.

You were the one woman in the world he couldn't be confident around, and it had everything to do with the history you two shared.

You had helped Fiona raise him; and Ian, and Deb, and Carl. Hell, even now, you picked Liam up from daycare three days of the week.

You knew everything about every single one of the Gallaghers and the crush that Lip harbored wasn't going to be anything more than a cute little joke.

What you didn't seem to realize was that Lip was a grown man now.

He didn't need you to take care of him now, not anymore.

You were no longer the girl who came around and bothered him when he tried to hang out by himself, and you certainly weren't the girl who'd found his playboys under his bed and put them back without a word anymore either.

You were attainable, as far as age, feelings, and experience went but that didn't mean that Lip could make you his.

Every member of his family was too invested in all this for him to start going out with you, not to mention that Fiona would never allow it. She would sooner end his life than let him be with you.

So Lip kept quiet.

It was much easier to do than opening that can of worms.

He opened the refrigerator door slowly, his hand lazily falling on the neck of the bottle. It was as if the motion was a habit by now, and he didn't even have to think about it.

Across the kitchen was you, giggling at whatever was being said over the phone. He didn't know who you were talking or what it was all about; all he knew was that you were having an amazing time.

There was nothing Lip wouldn't do to hear that laugh but he just wished that he could be the one making you act that way.

Knowing that he couldn’t was more than enough to anger the younger male, who slammed his near-empty bottle down on the counter without a word and stormed out.

You hadn’t really been paying attention to him before that, but you couldn’t help but notice that he was gone. It would have been impossible not to but what you didn't know was why?

It certainly couldn’t have had anything to do with you.

You had just been on the phone with your cousins in Jersey. They spent most of the time arguing with one another more than talking to you, but they were also a laugh riot.

...But Lip didn’t know that.

In his mind, you had been laughing and carrying on with the greasy yet somehow charming usher from the theatre who loved you. He hit on you all the time and it wouldn’t have surprised Lip if you’d hooked up with him.

There was no way for him to think about it that didn't make his blood boil.

You were his, you just didn't know it yet.

~ Normally, you would have let Lip be.

Sometimes he could be dramatic and it was possible that he’d just gotten upset about something else and you’d read the room wrong. However, you had a feeling that wasn’t the case.

So, naturally, you went to go check on him.

If you were wrong, you could just move on and go about your business, but if you were right, you might be able to make him feel better.

“Hey kid, what’s going on?” you asked, knocking lightly on his door frame to let him know that you were there. You didn’t want to say anything if he was busy, but he didn’t seem to be.

In fact, he was far from it.

Lip was just sitting there on his bed, his beer bottle long discarded on the floor. It was funny, or perhaps it would have been, if he wasn’t so clearly upset.

“Don’t call me that” he snapped, catching you off guard.

There was something so pointed and aggressive about the way he spoke and it shocked you. Maybe you had done something after all, but you had no idea what it was.

“Okay, sorry. Is there something going on?” you asked, doing your very best to be understanding, even though you were more and more confused with each passing moment.

You were just lost.

Nothing that was happening made any sense at all to you.  

“No, why would there be?” he questioned, that accusatory tone still evident in his voice.

You weren’t even sure why he wouldn’t just tell you what it was, but since you were clearly gonna have to pull it out of him, you sat down.

“Out with it?” you suggested, though you both knew it was more of an order. If he didn’t want you to call him a kid, he’d have to stop acting like one.

Usually, Lip was the most mature of the Gallagher siblings but times like these made you wonder if that was true. It didn’t really make sense that he couldn’t just tell you what was wrong.

He sighed at first, the deep sort of sigh that you’d gotten used to hearing in this house. Someone always had a problem that needed to be worked out, even Lip, apparently.

“I don’t like that you talk to that guy, he’s trash, even more than most of the people around here” he commented finally.

There was a casualness in the way he spoke, though you could see just how hard this was for him in his eyes.

“Who? What are you talking about Lip?” you asked, genuinely confused this time. Clearly he thought you were talking to someone else but you had no idea who it could be.

You haven't been seeing anyone new lately.

“That guy from the theatre, what’s his name-” He huffed, scrambling a little when it came to his name. Lip had always been so focused on how much he hated him that he didn’t pay attention to what he said.

All he knew was the guy was not good enough for you and he was tired of hearing about him.

“I haven’t talked to him in forever. Why do you even care?” you asked, finding it hard not to be offended that he clearly didn’t think very highly of you.

He assumed that you were just going out with whatever guy paid attention to you, and honestly, that hurt. You had never been that kind of girl, but even if you had, it wasn’t really his business.

“Because, you’re way too good for a guy like that” he groaned, going for broke. The cat was out of the bag and there was no getting it back in now.

Gingerly, Lip reached out to take your hand in his own, his fingers brushing over the back of your knuckles slowly. The skin of his hands was noticeably rougher than yours, likely to working construction over the summer, but you didn’t mind.

Instead, you chose to ignore the strange feeling that overtook you at the touch. This was Lip, and the fact that you were even in this position was not alright

You’d known him all your life.

“Lip-” you started, but he stopped you before you could continue.

He knew that as soona s you said what you needed to say, this would be over and he at least had to get out what he was thinking before that happened.

If this ruined any friendship you'd ever had, he had to know that he got it all out there.

“I care because the right guy for you is right here, I always have been” he continued, startling you with his admission but he was far from done. Lip had been sitting on his feelings for so long, it was almost a relief to be honest.

“I know you probably think it’s just some stupid crush but it’s far from that. I’m in love with you”

By the time he’d finished, the male was almost entirely out of breath but neither of you minded. In fact, you were just trying to wrap your mind around what he was saying.

Lip was in love with you? How was that possible?

“I have to go” you decided finally, the walls of the room felt like they were closing in and you could hardly even breathe. It was ridiculous that you were even considering this, but you couldn’t help it.

Was it possible you cared about him in that way? Then, as if you hadn’t been handed enough, you realized something. What happened when Fiona found out?

[thefanficmonster]

Corpse Infested

Corpse Husband & Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Mentions of dysfunctional family, Family problems, Swearing

Genre: Humor, Comfort, Platonic fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When your friend disappears for a long time, seemingly having lost interest in what fueled the most passionate fire in their life, you cannot not worry about them. Even if you wanna give them space, you will reach out, you will offer your help. You will tell them they always have you to rely on and talk to.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! I’m really sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post your request, but here it finally is! Hope you come across it and if you do I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

For me, it’s never hard to find things to do. I’ve constantly got things on my mind and tasks to tend to, keeping me occupied and my mind focused at all times. I think that comes with living in a home as dysfunctional as this one. I honestly can’t recall a time when my parents got along nor can I think of a time where there was at least one second of peace while the two are both present in the house. It’s always a warzone up there. I’m saying up there because I tend to live out of the basement of their home. I know living in your parents’ basement is considered a peak loser point, or the bottom of the bottom, but you’d have to believe me when I say - I wasn’t always like this. In fact, I only recently came back to this hell-hole and boy do I regret it. I mean, it was a decision forced upon me by circumstances. Trust me, I tried every other option there was. When my dorm was to be closed down and demolished, we were given a notice to start planning our next move about a month early. You can bet I immediately started looking at places but my very tragic and miserable budget didn’t allow such a purchase. No rent was adequate for me and my near-empty wallet so my second option was moving in with my best friend who was also not in the greatest of situations but I thought I’d give that a shot too.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out. She lived in a tiny apartment with her boyfriend and his best friend at the time, so four people in one apartment was a nightmare. Still a lesser nightmare than this one but a nightmare nonetheless. Some unwanted and downright traumatizing events chased me out of that place after barely managing to pack my stuff. Therefore, finding myself on the streets again, I had no other option other than the obvious and least liked one: moving back in with my parents.

Making money during my first year of college hasn’t been easy. Working two jobs at once and also streaming video games on the side was what my time was filled with all throughout the first semester but then this damn pandemic started and now ruined everything for me. I had things going for me, I was slowly getting my life together and now it has all fallen apart yet again. The places I worked at closed down due to quarantine and I haven’t been able to steam, not only cause I’d be the victim of my parents’ comments but also cause my terrible home life would be exposed to all my fans and viewers. It’s not like I could cancel out the commotion going on right above my head, it’s a livestream and this house’s walls are cardboard thin meaning all the arguing I hear almost 24/7 will serve as background noise for my streams.

I haven’t reached out to my friends or fans to inform them of this which I feel slightly guilty about but I’m really not looking forward to having to lie to them, just as much as I’m not looking forward to having to tell them the truth so instead I’ve picked silence which is probably either worrying them or driving them insane. Either way, I’ll make my comeback soon.

Well....not very soon by the looks of it...

I have to gather the money, then I have to find a place, then comes the packing, moving out of here, moving into the new place...oh God, there’s so much to it that I don’t even wanna think about. Just that thought that I’ll be inactive for that long makes my stomach turn. Streaming’s where I’ve been channeling all my negative emotions, turning them into something positive and entertaining with the help of my friends.

Speaking of my friends, I should probably put emphasis on how amazing they are. Basically the older siblings I’ve always wished I had. I’m the baby of the group, the eighteen year old freshman in college, powering through life the best they can cause they are constantly getting tripped up by inconvenient occurrences such as this one for example. I tend to have the gang poke fun at me quite frequently - all lighthearted and with good intentions obviously - but they are also the ones to get super defensive if anyone gets the balls to talk shit about me. They’d never allow me to be the victim of any smack talk or online rumors and ‘cancel culture’ or whatever the hell people will come up with to leave others restless and wondering if they did something shady a decade ago. Well, to be fair, I didn’t even know about the concept of social media a decade ago and I’ve never been one to post much but I still have a protection squad in case anyone decides to come after me.

Little do they know the people I need protecting from are the very people that are supposed to protect me - my parents. Luckily, they don’t venture into to basement very often if at all and I have my own exit to the outside world so I don’t have to run into them unless I absolutely have to. The only time I emerge to the surface of the house - aka the ground floor - I do so to leave my share of rent money on the dining table and I usually do it when they aren’t home or when they’re asleep - that happens often with how many bottles they each knock back on the daily.

*sigh*...at least I don’t have to talk to them, right?

Anyhow, remember how I mentioned I always have things to do? Well, right now I’ve tasked myself with rifling through the large boxes containing random stuff I found in one of the basements down here to see if there’s anything I could possibly sell online. For starters, I’d like to hope there aren’t any severed body parts in here because this was one shady-ass basement before I moved in and un-creeped it a bit so I wouldn’t have to become an insomniac due to the paranoia of there being a homeless person down here with me or some paranormal entity. Regardless, old basements tend to be, apart from haunted, also filled with junk no one would find valuable despite it actually being worth something after all. That’s basically what I’m hoping to find at the moment.

As I dig through the contents of the first box, the YouTube playlist I have put on on my phone cuts off causing me to furrow my brows in confusion for a second before my ringtone pierces the silence the lack of music created.

I quickly mute the ringing and take a look at the Caller ID to see a name I never thought would pop up on my screen as an incoming call - Corpse. I, as well as many of our friends, know that he’s not the biggest fan of talking to people on the phone so this is rather surprising. Still, I pick up the call in case it’s not a mistake and an odd chance that it’s somethin urgent cause Lord knows Corpse doesn’t call people willy-nilly. 

Thank God it’s quiet up there at the moment.

“Hello?“ I try my best to cover up the confusion in my voice but I can only assume I didn’t do the best job considering Corpse replies with a slightly awkward chuckle.

“Surprised you, didn’t I?“ He asks, getting my cheeks to redden a bit, “You can’t blame a guy for calling after up and disappearing on him and on the whole internet. Where’ve you been?“

I open my mouth to respond when I hear the sound of glass breaking a shouted curse from upstairs.

Oh for fuck’s sake!

“Um...you know, places?“ I’m aware the answer isn’t only nonsensical but also sounds more like a question, but I can hardly focus on that right now. I’m too buys praying to an entity I don’t fully believe in for the situation above to not escalate.

“Uh, is everything ok over there? Where even are you right now?“ The teasing tone to his voice is all but gone at this point, replaced with deep concern, having obviously heard the commotion that did the exact opposite of what I prayed for - escalated.

“Y-yeah, it’s ok. It’s just another Thursday, you know.“ I attempt a small laugh but it’s blatantly miserable, “I moved back in with my parents when they announced the quarantine so that’s where I’m at now. They’re not the quietest of folks as you can tell so...“

“I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I HOPE YOU DIE“

Oh crap, here we go.

“...So I can’t really stream a lot...or at all.“ I mutter, cringing with all my might, “But it’s only temporary! I’ll get back in the saddle as soon as I find another place to stay.“ I don’t dare mention how long that’s gonna take me, it’ll be too disappointing and depressing for the both of us. “So yeah...um...thanks for showing concern but there’s really nothing to worry about. I’m ok, everything’s ok, things are just...a bit off the rails, but I’ll fix em no problem. Like I always do!“ I attempt to sound as cheerful as possible with little success due to the overwhelming anger I feel towards those people upstairs and the gut-wrenching nostalgia for the world of streaming I can no longer be a part of because of them. Actually, I put the blame first on the pandemic and second on my parents - if it wasn’t for Covid I’d probably still be in my dorm!

“Hey...um, I think I know an affordable place where you can take up residence. Only if you want to, of course.“ He sounds hesitant but I easily overlook that as excitement bursts throughout my entire being at the sound if an escape being offered to me just like that. Had I known I’d find the solution to my problem in the very people I spent time avoiding because I was afraid of their pity, sympathy and judgement.

“Oh please, it could be a rat and roach infested shoe box and I’d go running to it. How much is rent?“ I ask through a gasp of hurried laughter that’s a result of my inability to contain said excitement. Listen, I’ve been sitting here in Hellsburg for three months now and haven’t gotten a proper shuteye during that whole period, whatever Corpse is offering has to be better than this misery.

“Rent can be discussed once you move in...“ He trails off, “And it’s not rat nor roach infested but there’s a slight issue...“

“Which is?“ I’m honestly expecting the worst: in a bad neighborhood; faulty wiring with a high chance of being electrocuted; faulty piping with a high chance of flooding; people have died there; things get randomly moved around in the middle of the night etc. However, I don’t voice any of them to avoid getting laughed at for my wild imagination.

“Well, uh, it’s corpse infested.“ He says a little awkwardly, causing me to let out an inaudible sigh.

So my ‘people have died there’ guess was on point, huh?

“People have died there, huh? Well, I can turn a blind eye to that as long as I don’t find their bodies in the closet or meet their spirits at 3AM.“ I attempt to joke, now second-guessing my eagerness to accept the offer.

Corpse bursts out laughing his ass off at my statement, getting me to furrow my eyebrows in confusion and wonder what I said was so funny - it was a poor attempt at a joke, it in no way deserves that sort of reaction, barely a chuckle in my opinion.

“You’re golden, Y/N, I swear.“ He says once he forces the laughter to subside, “I meant corpse infested as in Corpse Husband infested.“ He breaks out in another fit as my brain slowly starts connecting the dots.

Oooohh he’s asking me to go live with him

“Wait. Wait, wait, wait, hold up for a sec. Are you aware of what you’re offering me? I mean, we’ve never met IRL, you barely know me and....and for all you know I could be the serial killer in this situation!“ I have no idea why I’m pushing my luck, don’t ask. I just don’t want him to make a decision he’ll later regret, I guess. “Like, I could kill you in your sleep!“

“Would you?“ He asks confidently, silently stating he already knows the answer.

I roll my eyes, “Of course not! But...” He cuts me off.

“Great, the offer stands on my end. I’m not a noisy nor nosey roommate so I suggest you start packing. If you choose to live in that hell-hole over living with me, I’m sorry but I’ll be hella offended, just so you know.“

Corpse sounds like he’s about to hang up on me, a decision already made, so I hurry to stop him. “Wait! What about rent?”

“Fuck the rent, pack your bags.“ And just like that, despite my efforts, he hangs up on me.

Well...this is a chance of a lifetime that I know refusing would lead me to not only remain stuck here but also put me in the hugest loser bin. There’s also the fear of being Corpse’s burden which I’ll try my best not to be - I mean, I’m a super independent person and Lord knows that if this offer came any other time or from any other person, I would’ve declined asap, no discussion.

But streaming

But sleeping properly

But having a normal life again

Yeah those are most certainly the reasons I get up and go into the closet in search on my emptied suitcase. Time to fill it up again, I guess. This time with a smile on my face and excitement fueling each and every movement of mine.

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[libraryofloveletters]

Misplaced Promises

Eddie Diaz x Sister!Reader

Warnings: sibling arguing, general protectiveness, a few swear words and that’s it I think ? 

Category: angst/fluff

Word Count: 3.6k

Author’s Note: This one mostly focuses how Eddie tries his best to keep promises he makes and be a good brother but he keeps fucking up. I also tried my best for this to follow a timeline and make it make sense with canon but idk, I made shit up go with it. // 

---- 

14 years old // 19 years old. 

The 2 of you were 5 years apart but you were attached at the hip. Eddie was your big brother, the guy you looked up to the most, the person you went to when you didn’t know what to do. You had 2 sisters but what you and Eddie had was different. Sophia and Adriana were the two older ones, they stuck together and they included you but it wasn't the same. 

The day before Eddie announced that he enlisted, he had been quiet, shifty and weird all day. He avoided you at all costs. You needed him to look over a project for you - seeing that you ended up with the same English teacher he had in high school but he kept coming up with excuses as to why he couldn't help you. 

“Running to the store to pick up something for mom, I'll check when I get back” 

“Going to play some ball with the guys, remind me when I get back” 

“Gonna shower, I'll do it after” 

“Let me go see Shan for a bit, I'll check it when I come home” 

Excuse after excuse, he was up to something and knew you would be able to tell so he ignored you at all costs. The next morning at breakfast, he announced that he was enlisting, Shannon was at breakfast too and she didn’t seem shocked at all. 

Your father asked him why, your mother began crying and your sisters wished him good luck and hoped that he would be safe. You on the other hand, had your eyes glued to Shannon. 

“You knew?” your question directed straight at her. 

She nodded, “he told me last night” 

“Huh,” you scoff, getting up. “you told her before you told us ?” looking towards your brother. 

“y/n, don’t” his look pleading you not to start and you didn’t, simply walking away and going to your bedroom. You can hear bits of the conversation from your room, Eddie telling your parents that he’s only going to do one tour just until he finds what he really wants to do. 

It was a while before someone came looking for you and no surprise, it was Eddie. 

“Can I check the paper for you now?” he sticks his head in from the doorway, waiting for your answer- his way of hoping that you’d talk to him. 

“Sure” nodding toward the computer on the desk. Eddie made himself comfortable in the chair and began going over the paper. The keyboard clicking as he edited the paper and your sighing were the only sounds to be heard. 

Everyone had been dealing with the news differently. Your father had turned to whatever project he was building in the backyard, your mother had stepped out- probably to go to the store to get stuff to make one last proper meal for him before he left and your sisters seemed to be handling it well, you could hear them bickering in the hallway over who would get his room as they passed by. 

It’s not that they didn’t love him, they just had a different version of the world and of love. 

The whole family did.  

Sophia and Adriana were the first two, all the love and support of your parents was what they basked in. 

Eddie was the only boy, automatically gaining him an in as a mama’s boy and his father’s only son, someone to show off- he was their pride and joy. 

That left you, not that they loved you any less because they ‘love all their children the same’ but you never got the parental love and affection that your siblings did. Your parents were busy working and now that you were in high school and capable of looking after yourself, you saw them even less. Eddie had always been there, at the recitals, school concerts, whenever you learnt a new trick and was looking for someone to show, he was there. 

In some way, Eddie raised you more than your parents did. 

That’s why you couldn’t wrap your head around it. 

“Couldn't just find a job here like every other lost kid after high school ? You had to go sign up to get yourself killed?” sitting up, you look towards him. 

Eddie sighed, leaning back into the chair and looking at you. He looked sad, almost hurt. “I didn’t ‘sign up to get myself killed’” he tells you, “I can’t sit around watching Soph and Adriana get their lives together meanwhile I'm still living with mom and dad and I have no idea what to do” 

“So what? you take a little longer to get your life together, that’s not the end of the world.” 

“I’m supposed to know what I want to do, I've been out of high school for a year and a half. Most people have already moved out of their parents’ houses” 

“God you’re so stupid” you groan, falling back onto the bed.

“Excuse me?” he looks at you, obviously offended. You get up off the end, pacing the room for a moment, trying to gather your thoughts. 

“Just because you’re lost doesn't mean you sign up for the fricking army! Eddie, you could die” your voice breaks at the end of the sentence. Then and only then did Eddie really see how upset you were, you really thought he could die- yes there was that possibility but he knew that when he signed up. He gets up off the chair, you were now facing the window, not wanting him to see the tears that were forming. His hand resting gently on your shoulder. 

“I’m not gonna die” he whispers, pulling your shoulder towards him which caused you to turn. “You better not, I'll kill you” 

“But I'll be de-” “shut up” you give him a look, he chuckles and pulls you in for a hug. “I promise I'll come home, who else is going to keep you in check?” he teased which earned him a smack to the side, “more like who’s gonna keep you in check” you rebutted, a smile on your face now. Eddie kissed the top of your head, his cheek now resting atop of head - abuela’s words ringing in his head. 

“Don’t make promises you can't keep Edmundo” 

She had scolded him for promising to give his sister her candy back after he knew he was going to eat it (and he did, but that’s besides the point) 

He promised to come home but he didn’t know if he would. 

--

17 years old // 22 years old 

“We’re having a baby!” Eddie’s arm around Shannon as they announce the second piece of exciting news for that evening to the family.

Eddie had finally returned from his first tour with the announcement that he and Shannon were getting married all while they were expecting as well. Your parents were the first up to go congratulate the love birds, your sisters are next and you follow last. Hugging Shannon who was already beaming with happiness and then your brother who hugs you for a second longer than needed, whispering that he wants to talk to you afterwards. Humming, you step back and go to help your mother set up for dinner. 

The rest of the evening is spent talking about when the baby is arriving, the plans for the wedding and whatever other exciting things are happening for them at that moment. You tuned out about halfway through the conversation, only replying with the simplest answers to make it seem like you were actually listening. 

Your sisters, mother and Shannon were in the kitchen all gossiping and making plans for the wedding. A big church wedding, ‘do it right’ as your mother would say because ‘if you do it right the first time, you don’t need to do it again.’

The whole big wedding thing was a scam- a pile of bullshit that you wanted no part of. Don’t let that fool you, you were beyond happy for your brother, becoming a husband and a father- those were things the two of you used to joke about, thinking that it was such a long time from then yet here you are. 

The door slammed as it shut, Eddie sitting beside you on the porch. He set a bottle on the step beside you. You glance at the bottle and then at him, brows furrowed. 

“Thought you could use a drink after all the exciting news” he hums, taking a sip out of his own bottle. 

You let out a dry chuckle, taking a sip yourself. “Yeah, congrats dude. Husband and baby daddy in one go ? You got the guys around here beat” jokingly nudging him with your shoulder. Eddie laughs, “yeah.” the word kind of trailed off, there was more to the answer than he was letting on. 

“What's wrong ?” 

“Are you really happy for me ?” he turns to you, “I know you weren't exactly happy when I left, especially that I told Shannon first. I just.. you’re my little sister and it means so much that you’re on board with everything-” your hand rests on his. 

“You always were kind of an idiot huh?” you pat his hand, Eddie looking clearly offended again. “Of course I'm happy for you. You’re my brother and no matter how much we fight, there’s no way I wouldn't be there for you. Eddie, you’re going to be an amazing dad, you know that right ?” 

“Yeah ? You think so ?” 

“Mhm hm, know how I know?” 

“Do tell” 

“Because you raised me and I turned out just fine” you smiled and so did Eddie, shaking his head. 

--

23 years old // 28 years old 

Eddie’s place was covered in boxes, the fight with your parents was the last button to be pushed. He packed up the remnants of his life in El Paso and was on his way out to the door.  

Christopher was sitting on the couch, his favourite show on tv as you were packing up the last of the dishes in the kitchen. Eddie had just stepped back in after taking some boxes out to the truck. You leant against the counter, looking at him. He knew you weren't the biggest fan of his plan but you supported him nonetheless because that’s what siblings do. 

“What? Why do you keep staring ?” he snapped. 

“Jesus, who pissed in your coffee?” rolling your eyes at your brother.  

“Sorry, I'm just ready to get out of here” he tosses a few things into a box. There had been unspoken words between the two of you since he mentioned that he wanted to move. You didn’t say anything, just listened and helped pack boxes but all of that stops now. 

“Are you sure this is the smartest thing?” 

“What do you mean?” he stops what he was doing and turns his attention to you. 

“I know mom and dad were in the wrong for asking- telling you that Chris should move in with them, that’s bullshit. He’s not their kid, he’s your kid but why are you running Eddie ? You have family there besides them, Sophia and Adriana and me. I’m here Eddie, I've always been here, helping you with Chris since Shannon left.” 

“That’s exactly the point, Shannon left. She upped and left us y/n, left me to raise Chris by myself.” 

“So did you.” you tell him what you had been waiting to tell him since Christoper was a baby. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” the anger visible on his face. 

“You left. You upped and left Shannon when she needed you the most, she needed a partner that was here and not thousands of miles away. She just had a baby- your baby and you left her to go to the fucking desert! you risked your life for what ?! you had a family Eddie! You promised just one tour but you just had to go back, you had a family that needed you!” 

“Exactly! I had a family that needed me! That’s why I left, I had to provide for them.” 

“Don’t give me that shit. You wanna know why mom and dad walk all over you when it comes to raising Chris ? Because you left! You fucking left when the mother of your child, your wife and your child needed you! He needed a father and you left Eddie! Do you know what that does to a child?!” 

“Don’t tell me how to raise my child and you sure as hell don't get a say in where my marriage went wrong!” the two of you stood in the kitchen shouting at each other. 

The things you said were nothing but what you felt was the truth - he did leave Shannon after she had Chris, when she needed him to be there. You weren't siding with her but you weren't picking up for him either- someone had to let him straight and your parents would never dare say the things you would say to him. Although they didn’t like his approach to raising Christoper, they would never say that because Eddie was their son. They much rather half ass suggest things and beat around the bush than tell Eddie straight what they felt. 

The rest of the night was quiet, nothing left to be said between the two of you. Tucking Chris into bed one last time before they leave, you spend the night because you promised Chris you’d be there when they left. 

The morning comes and Eddie is quiet, no surprise there. Chris is attached to your hip and the 2 of you stood outside the house, saying goodbye. You crouch down in front of your nephew, “will you come visit?” he asks you sweetly, your heart breaks a little knowing that you won’t be visiting anytime soon but you put on a smile for him. “Of course, only if we stay up late and eat all the candy we can find” you tickle his side, earning a full belly laugh- your favourite sound. 

“I love you always, you know that right ?” you look up at the little boy who's nodding. “I love you” he smiles, his finger tapping your nose, yours comes up to mirror his action. 

“Okay, give me a big hug and you be good for your dad, he’s a good guy. He just bugs out sometimes” you hug Christoper, his arms wrapped around your neck as you pick him up, carrying him to the trunk. 

Eddie comes out just as you’re putting Chris in. He hands you the keys to the house as he checks to make sure Chris is buckled in properly. 

The two of you standing there awkwardly before Eddie mumbles bye and walks around the truck. Stepping back, you watch as they pull you, Christoper waving to you from the window. 

--

25 years old // 30 years old

El Paso had treated you well, growing up there and going to school but you needed a change now. Applying to teaching jobs all over the country, you hear back from two- one is Minnesota and one in LA but you couldn't handle the cold so LA it was. 

The staff at the school were sweet and welcoming, you had arrived just in time for the new school year. The woman at the front desk was asking you some standard questions when she came across your name on the form.

“Miss, is it l/n or Diaz for your last name ? You have both listed here” she looks to you for an answer. You stared at the paper in front of you- l/n was your mother’s last name and Diaz was your father’s. All your legal documents had Diaz on it but you weren’t sure if you wanted to go by it or not, maybe make something for yourself with the Diaz family name attached to you.

“Miss ?” She asked again, looking at you.

“Diaz. Y/n Diaz is fine” 

Classes start and you’re getting settled in nicely, there’s still some shuffling around in terms of students and you get a finalized class list at the end of the week. Not really looking over it, you set it on the desk until the next morning when you say hello to your new class.

You begin writing your name on the board as the children set in.  

Ms. Diaz in big bold letters. 

“Hey! We have the same last name!” a little boy calls out- voice almost identical to your Chris’ voice. 

Turning, there he was sitting n the middle of the class, your nephew Christopher - except no one knows he’s your nephew nor did he seem to remember that you were his aunt. 5 years without a phone call or a visit is a long time, you wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't remember you and he doesn’t. You treat him as you would treat the rest of your students. 

The end of the day rolls around, Chris is the last student waiting with you. It was getting a bit chilly so the two of you headed into the classroom. Christoper tells you about his dad- unknowing to him that Eddie is your brother and talks about how he’s a firefighter and all the cool things he got to do when he visited the station. 

A blonde man, tall and built in stature comes running into your classroom. “Chris! Buddy!” he heads over to the boy, giving him a hug. “Buck!” the boy smiles, returning the gesture. It was obvious that he knew Chris, the man noticed you watching them. 

“Hi, I'm Ms. Diaz, y/n. Christopher’s teacher” you introduce yourself. The man smiles, “I'm Buck, I work with Christopher’s dad” 

“He sent you to pick up Chris ?” 

“Oh no, he's parking, I just came in to find him because we didn’t see anyone outside. Sorry about that, work ran late” he apologizes. 

“No worries, Chris is a great kid. oh buddy, I was supposed to give you a sticker for your work today hold on” you leave Chris and Buck by the door as you go back to your desk, looking for a sticker sheet. When you returned, Eddie was there with Buck, both men had their backs turned to you. 

“Yeah! She has the same last name as us dad, there is she” the boy smiled, waving at you. “Ms. Diaz!” he shouts as you make your way over. You don't look at the men instead you step past them, crouching down in front of Chris showing him the sticker sheet. 

“Which one would you like?” showing him the sheet, Christopher picks out a little green star with a smiley face on it. Peeling it from the sheet, you stick it on his shirt. 

“Can dad and Buck have matching ones too ?” he asks sweetly and who were you to turn down such a cute face.

“Of course,” smiling at him, you stand and turn to Buck. “Can I ?” he nods, watching as you repeat the process and stick the green star to his shirt. 

When it comes Eddie’s turn, you can feel Buck’s eyes on you and you see him move to Eddie as well. As for Eddie himself, his eyes were wide, he hadn't spoken to you in almost 5 years and his parents refused to tell him anything other than ‘she’s fine’ when he asked. You didn’t ask him, you just stuck the sticker on him, on his forehead to be exact. 

Eddie pulled you in for a hug, a well needed yet weird one. Buck and Chris are whispering behind the two of you. 

“I’m sorry” Eddie whispers, his arms still around you. 

“I’m the one that said all that shit” you tell him, he shakes his head and lets you go. 

“You were right. I’m sorry. I know sorry isn't going to fix it but you’re here and I- I just wanna fix things. I miss my sister and I know Chris misses his aunt” 

“Yeah, you’re an ass but you’re still my brother. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try” 

Buck goes “oh” behind you, you’re now standing beside Eddie- arms folded and brows furrowed, the same expression on both of you. 

“Yeah, I see it now” Buck mumbles, “I’m starving, what’s for dinner ?” he asks, him and Chris walking towards the door together.

 You and Eddie follow them out, “why don't you join us for dinner ?” Eddie turns to you, you give him a look. “I can’t crash your time with your boyfriend, y’all are probably-” “my what ?” once again, Eddie had a stupid look on his face. 

“So you’re telling me that wonderful human ball of joy isn't your boyfriend ?” looking at your brother, the stupid look still on his face. 

“No, why would you think that ?” hearing the genuine confusion in his voice, you laugh. 

“No reason, but if you’re not gonna date him, I might.” Giving your brother a smile, his head tilts and a look you know all too well on his face. 

“Don’t” his finger pointed at you, you were now biting back a laugh. 

“Hey Buck!” you shout, running towards him, Eddie running behind you and shouting for you to stop. 

Things were going to fall back into place pretty easily. 

-----

taglist: @advicefromnixxxx @keenmarvellover​ @beth-winchester21​ @fernandaweasley2​ @yikesyikesyikes95​ @hotchsdarling​ @duhbar1975​@hailsstormthings @averyhotchner​ @captainxholmes​ 

[writingtoforgetreality]

Forever & Always An Outsider (Cordell Walker x Daughter!Reader)

[Walker-Masterlist]

Summary: Your dad came back. Finally. But what would he do if he found out how you had been treated? That his family failed to accept your rightful place with them. Your life needed change before you were too far gone.

Words: 2,495

Warnings: language, angst, feels, suffering in silence, losing yourself, most of the Walkers are assholes (I love the actors & their characters, this is just fiction!), I’m incredibly proud of this one (pls tell me what y’all think - requests for Walker & more are open!), (Y/A) = your age, (Y/E/C) = your eye color

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

You were (Y/N) Walker. Through & through. Worthy of that last name. Emily not being your biological mother should not matter, right? It was her who raised you with Cordell. It was her who tucked you in at night. It was her who was there when you woke up in the middle of the night, screaming, because nightmares invaded your peaceful slumber. It was her who you called mom. So why the hell were you different? Why were you not treated the same way Stella & Augie were?

It was not your decision to be the child of one of Cordell’s one night stands. Neither was it your decision to be abandoned by the same woman who had carried you inside of her body for nine months. And it sure as hell was not your decision to be laid at the front porch of the Walker property. A note the only explanation who you were & why you were brought here in the middle of the night. A paternity test later & it was confirmed. You were Cordell’s daughter. Not even once did Emily think any less of you. The same thing for Cordell. Because you were their daughter. Fully. You were their child, as much as Stella & August were. You cried when you received the news of your mother’s passing. Just as much as the rest of the family. Cordell’s decision to leave was just as hard for you as it was for everyone else.

Daily calls had been left unanswered. Who could you possibly talk to if not your dad? Who would listen to your complaints, your pain, your grief, if not him? The years growing up had never been easy for you, there was no denying that. Yet, the second you were left alone with Cordell’s parents & your siblings, your life turned into living hell for you. It had never been kept secret that you were not Emily’s biological child. From early on, the both of them tried to explain your situation to you so you did not feel like they were keeping important information from you. Acceptance was what you needed. But it also was what you did not get. As a kid, of course you would never mention being treated differently. After all, it was your normal. It was something you got used to. Your parents seemed oblivious to the dirty glances that your grandparents threw your way. They did not notice that they spent more time with your siblings. Growing up in such a household, where support was only partly given, changed you as you got older. You were (Y/A) years old now. Old enough that the realization had kicked in. The reason why they treated you like an outsider was simple. Because you were one. An outsider.

You could not hide the disappointment you felt towards your dad when he returned. He left you. During a time where it felt like your head was underwater. Where you felt like you were drowning. And everybody watching you did not lift a finger to help you out of the dark & endless water surrounding your weak & broken body. No. They were busy dealing with everything on their own. Leaving you out entirely. Your dad was back. Finally. And as much as you hated him for leaving, your relief was bigger than the negativity that had been eating inside of you. Again, a person you connected to on a deeper level was with you. The only soul who accepted you. As you were. No friendships ever ended working out. The relationship with the rest of your family did not need any more discussing.

All those months of you keeping to yourself did not change a single thing. Your voice had only been used when someone had explicitly directed their words at you. Why bother talking to them? The only thing you had ever received was weird look after weird look. Hell, you had months alone to grieve. The hours you had spent crying in your room, all alone in the middle of the night, had not helped dealing with your loss. It was true, you were not the only one in this family who had lost someone. The difference was that you were the only one who had been left alone. Because the moment Cordell left, your support system went with him. The one thing you had never learned was being alone & staying alive.

An unnatural feeling was inside your home the day your dad arrived here. If you took a sharp knife, you could cut the tension precisely. But Cordell tried. His efforts did not go unnoticed by you. A small smile, a simple touch. Your way of acknowledging his attempts. The change in your family was noticeable. Connecting with his parents, with Stella & Augie, was not easy. Not at all. You, on the other hand, you were a changed person entirely. Not the funny, joyful girl you had once been. More like a closed book, encrypted with a lock. The key long gone, getting rusty at the bottom of a deep, lurid river.

Conversations over dinner were held briefly. Your dad being the only one to start them by things he remembered you guys liked. The burning need inside of you to talk to him was pushed down further. The looks you would receive were not really what you anticipated. But nobody knew. The silent battle you had been fighting for the last months had been ignored. Had your dad been here, he would have noticed something was off. Right away. A look in your (Y/E/C) eyes was all it took. But that was the past. This person had died a long time ago. Worrying was all that could be done for the time being. If you were to talk, you would come to him yourself. No need for him to force you into a situation you were highly uncomfortable in.

The bags under your eyes were present. The light in your eyes completely gone. Like the last ounce of strength had been sucked out of your body. Your clothes did not fit the way they used to. Loose hoodies, even looser pants. Your form slowly disappearing. Not only feeling like you were unseen, but actually becoming invisible. There was not a single moment of the day where you were fully awake. You had not been sleeping much. Something your dad could relate to. Most nights, he spent in company with a bottle of whiskey. The only friend to numb the pain for a little while. Alcohol was not your solution. Did not mean that yours was any healthier.

It had become a routine for you. Waiting until the house was sound asleep. Your mind the only one being awake. Your thoughts the only ones running miles & miles per hour. Eventually, you always found yourself seated outside, on top of the roof. Being a bit closer to the stars aligning the night sky. Being a bit closer to her. Others might find it silly. You talking into the night, waiting for some echo of the past. Waiting for a sign that she heard you. Your complaints. Your pain. Your grief. Your love. Spending hours crying. Begging for her to make it stop. Begging for them to love you the way she used to.

The cold breeze hit your exposed skin. A sign that your body still reacted to certain things. Texas nights were chilly. A nice contrary to the heat that dragged itself through most days. A hoodie would do. Some sweatpants. But you needed the goosebumps. Needed them to remind you that you were still here. Still breathing. You owed it to your mom. To keep fighting. Because she did not have the chance to anymore. Tears were threatening to escape your glossy eyes. You would not let them fall. Deep down, you knew she would want you to be strong. Not to cry over her. Because of her. But it was so hard. Each day, the weight got heavier. Each day, you lost yourself a bit more. There was only so much a single person could take. To you, it felt like the limit was almost reached. Soon, you would overflow. Who knew what would happen if you let it get that far?

“Your mom used to love that place.” a soft but deep voice interrupted the peaceful silence that encircled your body. Looking over your shoulder to find your dad standing only mere feet away from you.

“Really?” the pain could be heard through your small voice. Broad shoulders touched yours.

“She was up here when she needed time to think.” elbows propped up on his knees. You could brush him off. Pretending to be fine. Explaining that fresh air was all you needed. That you would head inside in a minute. Truthfully, you did not want to do any of this. The fight had been going on for too long. You were close to losing it. This was a sign that, maybe, you were not yet at the end. That, maybe, there was still enough time to get up & start anew. Talking alone felt like too much effort. It required too much strength. Strength that you did not have. Not anymore.

“Something happened to you while I was gone.” the statement left a tension between you. “I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.” his eyes took in your side profile. You did not dare to look at him. It meant risking to break into tears. The tears you had been holding in for so long.

“I don’t even know myself anymore.” as a father, hearing your child say such words, it broke his heart. Into a million pieces. The universe did not give him a break. First Emily. Now you. Yes, you were alive. But watching you disappear right in front of his eyes hurt just as much.

“Talk to me.” his words were not an order. If you wanted to, you could up & leave. Right this instant. Something told you to stay. He was here, after all. Your dad. And he cared enough to look out for you. More than the others had done these past few months.

“I always wondered if mom & you noticed.” your eyes were focused on a branch that wavered in the far distance. The leaves pushed from one side to the other, controlled by the wind. There was no interruption. If you needed to get something off your chest, then the most Cordell could do was listen. Making you feel as if you were not alone. As if he was not leaving you. Not again. Because he was not.

“Grandma & grandpa have never looked at me the way they look at Stella. At Augie. To them, I was never their grandchild. I was just there. I was never an equal. And I was fine with it, you know? Because I had mom. I had you. And that was all the support I needed. Then mom died. And you left. And suddenly, it felt like there was nobody I could talk to. Nobody who could hug me to make me feel at least a tiny bit better. They were this tight-knit group. And I was alone.” the steadiness, the monotony in your voice was scary. To you, it had been your normal for the longest time. Cordell knew that it was partly his fault. Leaving you during one of the hardest times in your life was plainly wrong. No apology could ever bring back the time you had lost.

“I’m sorry.” it was not much. Definitely not enough. Definitely not what you deserved. Yet, it was all that could be given to you in this moment. A strong, muscular arm wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you closer to his warm body. The heat of his form immediately transferring to your skin. His embrace was a safe haven. His cologne so familiar. You had missed him. So much. Only when he touched you were you overwhelmed by every single emotion you had ignored for the last couple of months. Silent tears made their way down your cheeks, leaving a salty taste at the corners of your mouth.

“It’s fine.” one thing had not changed. Always making sure that others would not worry about you. People knew you for your fierce & strong personality. It was not too late to get the old you back. With much work, much love & support, you could change for the better again.

“It’s not.” Cordell knew you were one to carry everything on your own. That trait was given to you from him. He recalled how Emily had mentioned it when you were a small child. The one thing you always did was putting others first, forgetting about yourself in the process. That was something the both of you had to work on. Something the both of you needed to improve. The start would make him talking to the rest of the family. Now that he knew about your daily struggles, he made it his job to do everything to change it. For your sake. Because that was what Emily would have wanted. It was what he wanted for you. All of your years, you had been nothing but kind & loving towards his parents, Stella & August. The kindness you shared with them was not necessary. You had been treated wrongly for years & Cordell blamed himself for being too blind to see clearly.

Again, silence enveloped you & neither of you talked. It was comforting. Him being back. Him wanting to help. He hugged you close to him. Squeezing your shoulders every now & then. A simple sign of letting you know that he was still here. With you.

“I’ll talk to them.” if it were not for the night to be so calm, you would have missed his words entirely. “I’ll make this right.” this was a silent promise. A promise that he would stay. A promise that you no longer had to keep your grief locked inside. A promise that your family would be just that. A family. A family who treated each other equally. Loved each other endlessly. Supported each other whenever it was possible. Maybe it was the scene you found yourself in. The almost black night sky, illuminated by the moon, by thousands of little stars. Showing you that there were a million small reasons for a light in a mass of darkness. Bits & pieces of hope. Maybe this was your sign. The sign you had waited for every night. The sign from your mom. Telling you that it was worth fighting for. Worth fighting for the little things. Because each of those were beautiful in their own way. Each of those deserved appreciation. Each of those could brighten up the dark life you found yourself in. And light was all you needed right now.

Published (03/26/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @fofisstilinski, @geekgirl007, @spnwoman, @acklessnackles, @the-soul-witch, @multifandomlover121, @missmaam123, @delicatecelebritiesarthairdo (thanks for your support <3/sorry if I mistakenly tagged you, please let me know if I did)

[just-dreaming-marvel]

It’s Always Been You ~ 142

OUT OF TIME MASTERLIST

IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,590ish

Summary: Y/N tells Tony who her choice has always been. The team starts to learn more about the Stones.

Notes: You must read Out Of Time in order to understand this. The chapter numbers continue from Out Of Time. (None of the gifs are mine.)

Previous on Out Of Time…

“Tony…” She tried to turn away, but Tony grabbed onto her arms, keeping her facing him.

“No, you don’t get to run away right now. I need an answer. If we’re going to do this, bring everyone back. I need to know the truth, once and for all. That I wasn’t the second choice, that I wasn’t just the only option so you went for it… So, tell me, would you have chosen me if Barnes was still here?”

“You’re an absolute idiot, Stark,” Y/N practically growled, trying to hold back her anger as she pulled away from him. “You think that I would marry you if I didn’t absolutely love you? That I would do that if I wasn’t choosing you? It’s always been you!! Ever since the first day we met, I just didn’t want to admit it. Too scared that this would all go wrong somehow and I would lose you forever. That day Strange showed up to get us, do you remember how I kept trying to tell you something and you kept going on about that dream you had about Morgan?”

“Yes,” Tony mumbled, trying not to make Y/N freak more than she was. He was also feeling guilty about ever doubting her, he knew better than that.

“I was trying to tell you that I had chosen you! I had made my choice that day and I was coming to tell you that you were it for me! But then… then everything happened… And people vanished… I searched Titan a thousand times over for you. Hoping and praying that the ashes that keep breezing past me, weren’t you. And when you came back alive, no one else mattered. Because I had you still, and I knew that we’d be okay. No matter what… And the fact that, after all this time, you’re doubting me… that hurts.” Tears were threatening to spill from Y/N’s eyes.

“Y/N, honey,” Tony went to hold her, but she stepped away.

“How could you doubt me? After all this time? I know that I probably confused you, but did I ever give you doubt in the last five years that I wasn’t completely devoted to you? To the family that we built?”

“You have to see it my way, Y/N. I thought that we were good back then too. And then Bucky came back into the picture, more than once.”

“And yet I still came back to you. After everything, I always found my way back to you… I love you, Tony. It’s always been you.”

“I’m so sorry, honey,” Tony slowly reached for Y/N’s hands. He was scared that she’d pull away again as he was so desperate to feel her in his arms. “I should have never doubted you.” She flinched slightly as his hands took hers, but didn’t pull away. “It’s always been you for me too.” He slowly moved closer to her. “I’m sorry I just…” He sighed. “It’s always been nagging at me. I needed to know.”

“I know… And I’m sorry I didn’t clear it up sooner.” She curled herself into his chest. “I’m terrified, Tony.”

Tony held her to his chest and held a kiss to her head. “Me too.”

“I can’t lose anyone else… especially not you or Morgan.”

“We aren’t going to lose each other or Morgan… we’re going to make it through this.” He looked down and brushed his fingers down her cheeks. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She pulled him down for a kiss. “I’m still mad at you for doubting me.”

“I have a feeling that you’ll get back at me for it in a subtle way later.”

“Not gonna be that subtle.”

~~~

“And then Happy bought me two cheeseburgers!” Morgan exclaimed through the phone’s screen.

“Two?!” Y/N gasped, faking excitement for Morgan. 

“And I ate them both!”

“Oh my goodness! That’s crazy!”

“Just like your old man, Mo,” Tony said, making his appearance next to Y/N. 

“Tomorrow, Aunt Pepper said that we could rake the leaves and jump in them!”

“That sounds so much fun Morgan,” Y/N responded, trying to hide the shakiness of her voice. Tony, having his arm wrapped around her waist, gave her a light squeeze in understanding. “Momma misses you, Mo.”

“I miss you too. When are you coming home?”

Y/N took in a harsh breath, unable to answer. “We aren’t sure, sweetheart,” Tony responded. “But it won’t be too long. I promise.”

“Okay.”

“It’s past your bedtime, now. Good night, we love you.”

“I love you both 3000!” Then the girl hung up.

Y/N broke down into tears in Tony’s arms. She wanted to be back with Morgan. She didn’t want what she knew was coming to come. But she knew it had to. And that this was the only way for Morgan to be safe. Tony held Y/N close, whispering that it will all be okay as he periodically kissed her head. It was killing him to see her like this. He couldn’t wait for this to all be over and for them to all go home.

~~~

The next morning, they all gathered in a conference room to discuss the Stones. Y/N knew it was going to be an unpleasant day for her, since most of them knew she was tied to them. Tony, Steve, and Bruce paced in the front, while everyone else sat around the room.

“Okay, so the how works,” Steve began. “Now we gotta figure out the when and the where. Almost all of us has had an encounter with at least one of the six Infinity Stones.”

“Well I'd substitute the word encounter for damn well near been killed by one of the six Infinity Stones,” Tony said. “Or is connected with them.” Y/N shrunk slightly in her seat as people glanced her way.

“I haven’t,” Scott cut in. “I don't even know what the hell you're all talking about.” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Regardless, we only have enough Pym Particles for one round trip each,” Bruce stated. “And these Stones have been in a lot of different places throughout history.”

“Our history,” Tony corrected. “So, not a lot of convenient spots to just drop in.”

“Which means we have to pick our targets,” Clint said.

“Correct.”

“Let’s start with the Aether,” Steve suggested. “Thor, what do you know?”

Everyone turned to look back at Thor. He was sitting on a chair, beer in hand and sunglasses on. Asleep. Y/N sighed, knowing that this probably was all going to do nothing to help Thor’s mental health.

“Is he asleep?” Natasha questioned.

“No,” Rhodey responded. “I’m pretty sure he’s dead.”

Y/N gently woke Thor up and he stumbled to stand in front of everyone. Bruce put all the known information on the Reality Stone up on the screens.

“Where to start?” Thor asked himself, clearly still out of it. “Umm... The Aether, first, is not a stone, someone called it a stone before. It's more of a... an angry sludge thing, so... someones gonna need to amend that. Here's an interesting story though, many years ago... My grandfather had to hide the stones from the Dark Elves…” He wiggled his fingers. “Woooooh, scary beings. So Jane,” an image of Jane Foster popped up on the screen. “Oh, there she is. That’s Jane… She’s… an old flame of mine… she… she stuck her hand inside a rock this one time… and then the Aether stuck itself inside her... And, she became very, very sick.” 

“So I had to take her to Asgard, which is where I'm from,” Thor continued. “And we had to try and fix her. We were dating at the time, you see. I got to introduce her to my Mother... who's dead,” everyone was trying to give their full attention to Thor as he began to look broken and rambled on, “and oh you know, Jane and I aren't even dating anymore, these things happen though you know, nothing last forever.” 

Tony went up to him, trying to guide him back to his chair. “Why don’t you come sit--”

“I'm not done yet, the only thing permanent in life is impermanence.”

“Awesome,” Tony responded, keeping a hold of him. “Eggs? Breakfast?”

“I’d like a Bloody Mary, thank you.”

Y/N took a deep breath, thankful that she couldn’t feel Thor’s thoughts at the moment. He was broken, and it was so terribly sad. Tony got him to sit back down before deciding that they all needed a break for food.

~~~

The break ended at dinner, after they all got distracted with creating suits for everyone and gathering more information. Tony and Y/N had spent the day at each others sides, not that that was not normal. But this was different, there was now a complete understanding between the couple. That it was them, together, until the end. Together, they went to pick up dinner for the group. Tony’s hand was resting on Y/N’s thigh, thumb rubbing against it. Y/N was focused on the passing world outside the window.

“What are you thinking about?” Tony asked, slightly worried for his wife.

“After this, no matter what happens, we need to retire,” Y/N said quietly. “We can’t keep doing this, especially with Morgan.” She turned to look at her husband. “One day, we might never come back. And I can’t—I won’t do that to her.”

Tony gave a light squeeze to her thigh. “Okay. We’ll retire. I’ll focus on something else, stop making suits.”

“I’ve really enjoyed the last few years of… normalcy. And I believe that we owe it to Morgan to try to keep it that way.”

“I agree… And maybe, we could possible give her a sibling?” Tony tried to make himself seem all innocent, but there was a glint of mischief behind it all.

Y/N patted the hand Tony hand on her. “Ask me after all of this is over. Okay?”

“I can do that.” Tony was silent focusing on the road, for a few moments before speaking up again. “But do you think we could practice? And cause, you know, we don’t know what will happen during the time travel.”

“Why don’t you just straight up say that you want to have sex, Tony?” She laughed.

“Okay, tonight, I want to have sex. End of story.”

Y/N laughed again. “I love you.”

Tony smirked. “You better.”

~~~

Dinner came with a large table and Rocket going over what happened with the Power Stone. Rocket was pacing on the opposite side of the table that Y/N and Tony were sitting on. Tony insisted on sitting next to Thor, worried about him.

“Quill said he stole the Power Stone from Morag,” the raccoon stated.

“Is that a person?” Scott asked.

“Morag’s a planet. Quill was a person.”

“A planet? Like in outer space?”

“Oh, look. It's like a little puppy, all happy and everything.” Rocket changed his tone to one that he was use when talking to a puppy. “Do you wanna go to space? You wanna go to space, puppy? I'll get you to space.”

“He hasn’t been a part of the team for long, Rocket,” Y/N said. “Give him some slack.”

“How are you doing Y/N?” Bruce asked, changing the subject.

“Better than yesterday. I think everything was just overwhelming me.”

“That brings up a question I have,” Rocket said. “It was mentioned that you’re connected to the Stones. How?”

“You don’t have to answer that, honey, if you don’t want to,” Tony said softly.

“No, it’s fine,” Y/N responded, giving Tony a small smile. She turned back to everyone. “In 1945, I came in physical contact with the Space Stone. It formed a bond with me, and because of that I’m able to control some of their abilities. They, um… they trained me and spoke to me.”

“She was meant to stop what happened,” Thor spoke up, surprisingly. “She was supposed to be the one that stopped him.”

“Thor,” Tony went to stop him.

“No, Tony,” Y/N stopped her husband. “It’s okay… I’m so sorry, Thor, that I couldn’t do what needed to be done then. But I was shown that that fight was not the end. And the Stones stopped me from doing what I had to… I’m so sorry.”

Thor’s chair scrapped as he stumbled up and out of there. Y/N went to follow but was stopped by Tony. 

“You don’t need to go after him,” he said.

“But I do,” Y/N replied. “Because he protected me when you and Steve doubted me. He knew what I had to do, before I even really did. I’ll be okay.”

Tony reluctantly let Y/N follow after Thor. He had grabbed another beer and wandered into the hanger, where the platform was.

“You don’t have to say anything, but I need you to listen,” Y/N began. “I saw the dust and heard the screams years before it happened. Wanda showed it to me, back when we were dealing with Ultron. I saw the gauntlet and I saw it snap. The Stones said they saved me for that moment, but they lied. When the moment came, they told me different… I…” Y/N hesitated to say anything. But Thor had lost everything and deserved to know the whole truth. “I saw a battle. More destructive than we’ve ever been a part of. I saw myself fighting Thanos, all of us fighting together fighting. And I was told that if I tried to stop what happened that day, they would stop me… and they did.”

“Thanos is dead,” Thor responded, not bothering to turn around and face Y/N. “I killed him myself.”

“I know. And I don’t know how I saw myself fighting him. But I do know that I can’t doubt the Stones. We need to be prepared for the consequences that may come from us going back in time and bringing everyone back.”

“You and Thanos?” Steve questioned, alerting Y/N to the fact that everyone had followed them. She took in a sharp breath. “You saw yourself fight him?”

Y/N slowly turned around. “I did.”

“And it was different than what happened 5 years ago?” Natasha asked.

“Yes.”

“How could you keep this a secret from us?” Steve asked.

“I had to. For the safety of everyone… I didn’t even tell Tony everything.”

“We could have spent all this time preparing.”

“It would have done us no good.”

“Y/N,” Bruce called, trying to calm the escalating tension with his tone. “Do you know when it’s going to happen?”

“At the time, I was told five years.”

“What?” A few of them exclaimed.

“And you didn’t think that was important?” Steve questioned harshly.

“I did what I thought was right,” Y/N defended. “To protect the people I care about. You all can’t possibly stand here and judge me for that. We have all made that call! And you can’t possibly understand the burden I have carried with me for years.”

“Doesn’t matter, we’re your team,” Steve motioned to everyone in the room, before motioning between himself and her. “Your family.”

“And look how well that’s done us Steve…” She looked around the room, trying not to get emotional. “I am sorry for what’s all happened. But I am not sorry for the secrets I’ve kept to protect everyone.”

Without other word, Y/N walked out.

next chapter >

I AM SO EXCITED TO SHOW YOU GUYS WHAT I HAVE PLANNED! I hope that this chapter didn’t disappoint. I was really nervous to post it.

I appreciate all likes, comments, asks, and reblogs! Thank you for all the positive support!

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IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU TAG LIST:

BOTH:

@23victoria​

@azure23x​

@booknerd-3000​

@thewidowsghost​

@tuttifuckinfruttifriday​

@i-dumb-bitch​

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@livinglikebritishroyalty​

@cspr-2​

@supernaturallover2002​

@laic2299​

@aubreeskailynn (won’t link)

@capstopavenger​

TONY:

@bispences​

@topstory21​

@supernatural-bangtanboys​

@marvellover04 (won’t link)

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@theofficialzivadavid​

@emmuut​

@mikariell95​

[jarofstyles]

Teacher’s Pet

A/N: As requested, here is the first part of our professor!harry series. As usual, this we put our little twist on things and we hope that you enjoy! - n+d

send feedback and requests here

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masterlist

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

warning: smut, mutual masturbation, use of sex toys

word count: 6.2k

While Harry tried not to show favoritism in his courses, it was hard not to be caring towards the students that showed effort but struggled. That was the case with little Y/N. She was young, pretty, had a bit of an edge to her. From what he had noticed she was kind and often let people borrow pens and once gave a diabetic classmate her muffin when she saw he was a bit pale and taking his blood sugar. 

He wasn’t everyone’s favorite professor. He was a tough grader, had a bit of a resting ‘bitch’ face, and he wasn’t necessarily warm and fuzzy. It wasn’t what Harry wanted at all— but it had to be done so that the students wouldn’t just see him as a peer. He had learned that early in. He had to be strict and get respect or he would be stuck with slackers or people who thought he would ‘do them a solid’ as one student had tried to ask with a fist bump. But when it came to sweet students with dyed hair, a devastated little pout, and even watery eyes, he knew he would have to say something. 

‘If you would like some help, please come to my office any time after 4. I would be happy to assist in figuring out the material.’

It was written next to a poor grade. He could tell that she had potential— she just wasn’t getting it. He also worried about her word usage. If what he thought of was correct, it would make sense why she was struggling.

School was never one of Y/N’s strong suits. From the beginning of her school career she struggled with getting the hang of concepts and her teachers grew a distaste for her because they thought she wasn’t trying. Y/N was a hard worker though, she did genuinely try, but her best was never enough. A few teachers pointed out that she might have a learning disability, but her parents denied that ever being a case. Her other siblings, both older and younger, were able to grasp concepts easily and were all incredible book smart in addition to being talented outside of school. It seemed that Y/N was just the bad apple of the bunch. Her parents would joke, but of course it hurt. She didn’t even want to go to college originally, but her parents forced her to at least try and get a degree so she wouldn’t be a low life. Y/N only agreed because they said they’d keep paying for her band. Of course, you can only really go to college if you pass though and Y/N wasn’t doing too well. 

Professor Styles had always intimidated her, but he just took his job seriously. She could tell by the way he talked about everything that he was passionate about making sure people understood the deeper meaning behind these books and Y/N could appreciate that. It was just a shame that she struggled so much in his class. There were students that excelled in his classes and he was always giving them praise, little surprised smiles and nods, a small ‘good job’ or ‘correct, yes’ here and there. Y/N found herself wanting to try harder in his classes just to get a praise out of him, but she was too nervous to raise her hand even when she did know the answer. This was her third time getting a not so passing grade in this class and Y/N was growing more and more frustrated. She understood the material, or she felt like she did, but whenever it came to reading and remembering, she found herself getting stuck. Little frustrated tears formed in her eyes but she blinked them away, thinking she wasn’t going to muster up the courage to see him today. 

But she did.

He had a soft spot for the students that he helped. It was human nature to care for those you spent time with. It wasn’t like how he thought about Y/N though. Okay— he knew it was bad. But he was intrigued by her. Why? He wasn’t able to pinpoint exactly what it was. Maybe her edgy look, maybe it was because she was seemingly submissive and every time he caught her eye she looked like a deer in headlights. She stares at him a lot, he could notice that. But he likes it. So he was pleasantly surprised when she came to his office, looking skittish but also curious. She needed help and he would offer it to her. 

“Y/N, it’s nice to see you.” Harry adjusted his glasses and sat up straighter, putting the final mark on a test before looking back up at her with a gentle smile. He had to approach with caution, she already looked like she was going to shit herself. “I’m glad you got my note and weren’t offended. But I was wondering if you’d like some help.” He didn’t say what because he wanted her to tell him what exactly she was struggling with.

Y/N was very nervous, mostly because she didn’t like asking for help from anyone. She didn’t like to seem unintelligent in front of men, especially when they were as attractive as Professor Styles. All the girls on campus talked about how hot he was, how his dominance was a turn on and how none of them were properly able to focus in class. At least they were getting passing grades. 

“Hi, professor...” Y/N said softly and closed the door behind her before taking a seat. “I, um... I’m not really good with asking for help.” She explained, pushing a few pieces of hair behind her ear before fixing her septum piercing. Y/N was playing with the hem of her skirt, one of her fingers playing with the fishnet stockings she had on. “I feel like I understand when you’re explaining it and then I go and take the test and it’s like I can’t remember anything you said. But I’m not good at academics anyway so...” Y/N let out a sad chuckle. Her self confidence was pretty low in all aspects, it was a shame because she was a pretty girl. She didn’t seem to think so, hence why she dressed up. At least her clothes she could control.

“Now, don’t say that.” Harry tutted. “I’m sure that’s not true. I bet you just have a different way of learning. If you understand verbally, but freeze when it’s written, that may be the case.” He hummed, flipping through the last work she had handed in. “My question is... it isn’t meant to offend you at all. But do you find difficulty in reading itself?” He approached it gently. You’d be surprised how many adults realize later on in life that they have dyslexia. They were labeled as not the smartest but he was because it took so long for them to understand because the words and numbers get jumbled up. “I’m asking because I notice in your writings, you spell things in a unique way. Or it seems the letters are flipped. This isn’t to embarrass you so please don’t be upset— we just need to figure out why it is that you struggle with the tests.” He leaned forward on his desk, licking over his bottom lip. She was beautiful. In that way when women didn’t know they were beautiful. He wished he could see more of her body— fuck, not going there. Absolutely not. Even though technically it wasn’t like he would be fired, seeing as half the damn staff fucks students. It was always that forbidden element. Either way, he was far too much for this sweet thing to handle. “I would like to help you if you would let me do so.”

Y/N felt really anxious, bouncing her leg to try and keep her composure. She didn’t think she was smart. She wasn’t good at math, wasn’t good at science, she was decent at English but even that seemed to be difficult now that she was reading classics that were barely in modern English. She just decided that learning wasn’t for her. 

“I’m not a reader, no.” She shook her head, Y/N found herself having trouble focusing for a long time and when it came to reading words get jumbled up and she struggled a lot. Especially when she started thinking about it too much. Of course Y/N was embarrassed even though he said he wasn’t trying to embarrass her. It was more just her feeling incompetent. She didn’t like making eye contact with him for too long because she felt like he was staring straight into her soul. She was a bit shy and timid when it came to new people. She appreciated that he wasn’t judging her though. “I don’t know what you could do to help, but if you’d like to try we can? I—I don’t want to waste your time.”

“There’s no wasting time if it helps improve your learning, yeah? Please don’t think of yourself like that. You are an important person, just as important as my other students. I want you to succeed.” Harry promised. It kind of broke his heart that she was so sure that her time with him would be wasted. It made him sad that she felt that way. Why? “How about we set up a time... let’s say two days a week? I have time around now, so 4:15 to 5 where I can help you.” He normally wouldn’t do it for most  but he wasn’t going to let her suffer. A passion project, so to speak. “I don’t know your schedule but I would be here during that time normally. I basically live in this office anyways.” He smiled in a joking way. “We can work on understanding first what was wrong and then we can have time to work on the new material.”

Y/N nodded her head in agreement, but it did make her worry. Of course she could only try her best but she was so used to failing that she wasn’t sure how much harder she could try. She was barely passing her other classes and frankly she was thinking about dropping out all together. Maybe she was the lowlife her parents made her out to be? 

“Can do... Monday’s and Thursday’s..” Y/N told him, “if that’s okay, I have band practice on Wednesday’s.” She wasn’t sure why’s she told him but part of it was to show that she wasn’t just a stupid girl that she did have some talent or at least she thought she did. “It’s um... it’s really nice of you to do this, thank you.” She told him genuinely, though she was terrified of letting him down. He seemed so cool. He wasn’t like this in his classes, he seemed much more approachable this way. Maybe in another life they could have been friends or more than that... no, he probably wasn’t into girls like her. She needed a cigarette.

“Of course. You have my email if you need to reschedule.” But he could see right through her. Of course he could. “But... if you’re nervous, tell me. I can soothe the worries. I’ll be awfully disappointed if you don’t show up and don’t let me know.” He knew she was skittish. He didn’t want her to back out and not take the time to try at the very least. “Let’s just work on it a day at a time. I hope to see you soon.” 

When she walked out, he was ashamed to say he was entranced by her ass. He was such a bastard for thinking about a student like that. So bad. But it didn’t stop him from seeing her eyes when he fucked his fist later that night.

----

The next couple of days left Y/N worried. Coming out of professor Styles’ office had left her feeling on edge, wondering if it was even worth trying. She felt like nothing would save her at this point but this was going to be her last attempt. If it didn’t work out she’d just drop out and couch surf. But she didn’t want to have to do that, her kitty Jinx would have to find a new home and that was something she certainly didn’t want. It was Monday and Y/N didn’t go to her classes today, feeling like it was justified because she was meeting with Professor Styles today. 

If she was going to work on herself she wanted to be in the best shape possible, so she smoked some weed in the morning to get her day off right and got her things together before getting her skateboard and making her way to his office.

Harry was pleased when she actually showed up at his office. He was half expecting her to drop his class with how terrified she had seemed the past time, and he was curious to see how she had thought about what her grades and his revisions on her test. He had worn a dark red button up today with suspenders, his blazer off and hair a tiny bit messy. His glasses hung off the end of his nose while he looked up at her with surprise, before a smile came on his face. 

“Y/N! I’m very glad to see you’ve come.” He hummed, sitting up and leaning back in his chair. “Go ahead and make yourself comfortable on the couch. Would you like a water?”  He had a mini fridge in his office. Without listening to an answer, he pulled one out anyways and handed it to her, rounding the desk so he seemed less scary. The desk was a position of power. One he loved, but also didn’t want to take advantage of when Y/N obviously was terrified of it. “Alright. So... you’ve seen my revisions?” He sat on the other arm chair across from the couch, glasses pushed up now with his copy of her paper. “Good. What do you think about your mistakes? Were they because you didn’t understand the material, or didn’t know what to say in paper?”

Y/N gave him a small smile, setting her skate board up against the side wall before taking a seat on the couch. No amount of weed could have calmed her down, she wasn’t even that high anymore it was just the residual feeling. Right now, she was more concerned about having to tell him what was going on inside her mind when she was working on assignments. 

“I—I um... both?” She felt a blush creeping in on her cheeks. “I tried to like... watch videos about it, cause whenever I try to read I just get frustrated.” Y/N explained fiddling with the paper. She didn’t like this feeling, it was obvious that it was something that made her emotional which was why she didn’t really talk about it. She let out a breath, looking over what she wrote and seeing all the red pen. It made her want to crawl up into a ball despite how nice he was being. He was trying and so she would also try her best to keep it together. “I find it really hard to focus..”

“I don’t doubt that you do, Y/N. I’m thinking that maybe this isn’t something to do with your focus, but maybe it’s with your reading? You could learn differently than other people and that's absolutely alright.” Harry felt poorly that she was so sad and embarrassed about it. “Look at me.” When she didn’t respond he was trying a different tactic. Soft but very obviously meaning business. “There we are. Now, this doesn’t mean you’re stupid or unable to learn or do well in my class. You just may need to learn differently.” He stood up and grabbed a book from his shelf. “So this book— I got it online. It has some illustrations in it, and I find they’re pretty self explanatory. Maybe this will help you understand it better. Having an image opposed to words in your mind.” He handed it to her. She didn’t need to know he had bought it himself.

Y/N glanced up at him as he told her to look at him, seeing his face go much softer but his eyes still held that same intensity. She followed his with her eyes as he went to get the book. It was much thicker than the others due to all the illustrations but of course it made her feel like a little kid again. She just wished she could be normal. 

“Okay...” She said softly, willing to try anything at this point. Of course she was nervous about going forward with his class seeing as she knew things would only get more difficult. Y/N gave him a small thank you as she looked through the book but part of her felt like it wasn’t going to work. No one was determined in helping her learn, they never have been. She’d always gotten very poor, passing grades because she assumed teachers felt bad for her or knew her siblings and assumed maybe she was just the rebellious one. “Sometimes I feel like I do better on the essays, cause I feel like I get it... but I end up getting better grades on the tests than the essays and it’s... disheartening.” She explained with a small frown, “cause I guess on the tests a lot of the time.”

He furrowed his brows, listening to what Y/N had to say. It made sense if she had dyslexia that she would be frustrated and upset with learning altogether but it was important to her and him as well, that she was able to do what she was meant to do. Whatever it was she had wanted. 

“I think you should outline your essays more. Each body paragraph, with reasoning and thought. Come up with 4 to 6 reasons for each, word them how it makes sense to you, and write it that way. The structure taught isn’t the only way to do it.” He explained. Writing down on a piece of notebook paper an example of how she could do it. “I know it must be very frustrating— especially if it’s been years that you’ve had to deal with this. I understand. But I do have faith that you’re able to do this. You are intelligent, Y/N. You just have to figure out the right way to show it.”

Y/N let out a sigh, swallowing thickly as he gave her some advice on how to structure her essays in a way that would make more sense. She would try her best, especially with knowing that he was going to be grading things knowing what her situation was. Y/N was going to try her best to sound smart or collected, but she will admit she hadn’t been paying attention for years. 

She pulled out a folder of her English work, pulled out the notes she had taken and the lay out for her essays and bit the inside of her lip. Y/N handed it to him and immediately went to pay with her own fingers. Observing him as he looked through what she had done previously. 

“I—I try my best, I really do.. but anytime I get the courage to try it just gets worse and I go back to not trying at all because at least then I know I’m failing cause I’m doing it on purpose and not cause I’m stupid.” Y/N was trying to share her feelings to try and make him understand. “‘s really intimidating being in class with people who pick up information easily and I end up just tuning out cause it’s too fast for me to follow... and I don’t want to be that one girl that holds up the whole class with a stupid question.”

“You aren’t. If you have a question that you aren’t comfortable asking in front of everyone, you are always welcome to email me or come to my office at any time I’m here.” Harry promised. Poor girl. Jesus, what happened to her to make her self esteem like this? “You are very capable. Very much a smart girl. You need to tap into different areas of your brain. I promise, we can get your grade up together, alright?” He felt softness and fondness because he knew that sometimes professors weren’t the most understanding. Granted, he was only like this towards students that came for help— and oddly, even more so towards her, but still. “You don’t have to stop trying. You just need a different approach and we can help you find the right one. Do you like movies?” He suddenly remembered that. At her confused look, he continued. “Movies are scripts. Books. Visual. Do you find it easy to follow along with movies?”

She found it hard to believe him because no one really called her smart, ever. Y/N gave him a small smile and nodded her head, pushing pieces of hair away from her face before nodding and realizing she reversed the work she’d just done. He was a very nice man, it was clear that he was committed to helping her and it was definitely appreciated. She just didn’t know why he believed in her so much when no one else did? 

“Well yeah... I can follow conversation and stuff.” Y/N let out a small chuckle, sniffling a bit before she continued. “I think another problem is I get too confused about things like.. the deeper meaning stuff in books. Like the themes and whatever you call it. Cause in my head I know what I think it means but then it’s meant to mean something else and then I think I just didn’t understand correctly.” Y/N was definitely more of a creative. She didn’t like following set rules, she liked going with the flow and following her own thing. It worked when it came to her music, she was able to focus then. But she taught herself guitar.

“I think that you need to first take the book at face value. Don’t look for the hidden meanings the first time you read because it will confuse you more.” Harry cleared his throat. She smelled really good. Like peaches and citrus. He wondered if her bed smelled like that, but stronger. 

“Tell me some things you like.” He leaned back into the seat. “Things you think we can connect to projects. You said you’re in a band? Have a band?” He remembered that from last time. At her nod he continued. “You can find a song or make a playlist of songs that connect your head to the book. Say... Romeo and Juliet. Hmm.. check yes Juliet, We The Kings. If you’ve heard of that. You can find songs that help you remember.”

“Yeah, I’m in a band.” Y/N nodded her head a bit at him, “it’s like a indie punk thing...” She wasn’t sure what kind of music he listened to but he seemed young enough to think that indie music was good. Who knows, maybe he was one of those jazz guys with all the sweaters he wears. Y/N wasn’t one to judge though. The check yes Juliet reference made her chuckle, remembering middle school and highschool momentarily. He couldn’t be that much older then. “Yeah, I know that song.” She giggled and shook her head, “but yeah, I understand.” She spoke and took note of that in her mind. Y/N didn’t know how she was meant to explain to him that she spent the rest of her free time doing drugs. Tripping and writing music, hanging out with her kitty. That’s about it. Skating, going out in nature. Fucking. She definitely was a bit of a nympho. She assumed it was because of her need for attention.

“Okay. That’s good then. Use that to try and correlate.” He had felt weird watching her leave the room, seemingly in a better mood than she had been before but still nervous. It didn’t help that he hadn’t gotten laid and didn’t really want to have sex with someone else right now. God, if only he could spread her open and dip his cock into her soft cunt. That’s something he was dreaming of. 

He thought about it the next night too. So, with his bored and needy thoughts, he went home and did his chores he needed to do, before he went to lay in his bed with his laptop. To be honest. Most porn didn’t do it for him. He much preferred erotic writing or even more so, cam girls. Sex workers deserved support and he always tipped well, though rarely talking in any of them. He was scrolling down the alternative tab when he found what he was looking for. Tattoos and plump lips, tits for a profile photo and a tongue sticking out. Interesting— and she was live. 

He just never expected the exact woman in his head to be placed on the screen, smoke coming from her mouth. 

Fuck.

Y/N wasn’t exactly sure how she thought about starting camming but it all sort of just fell into place. She started off just selling her nudes and videos for attention and money but then she realized that people would pay really good money to watch live stuff. It’s a good thing too because Y/N loved being watched. Her cams were usually regularly scheduled, but other times they were spontaneous because she was really horny. bbybunnie was her username, most people just called her pet names though, never by her actual name for obvious security reasons. She had quite the following too. People seemed to love her content. She was fun and bubbly and she felt like she put in a great show both literally and physically. Y/N had just done a bong rip, having her windows open to let the smoke out. She didn’t like smoking around Jinx so she’d let her in once she was properly stoned. She was dressed in a black crop top that said princess on it in gothic font, fishnets, and little black panties. 

“Been really stressed lately with college and stuff...” Y/N answered a previous question as to what she’d been up to. “Working on assignments in stuff but it gets hard.” She pouted, turning her head when she heard Jinx scratching at the door. “One second.” She giggled and went to grab Jinx, leaving the door open so she could roam. “Here she is, say hi to everyone.” Y/N cooed in a baby voice. It was quite the sight. An alternative girl all soft with her cat, just starting the broadcast. Her vibrator was clearly in frame, already plugged in. A subscriber bought a heavy duty one for her.

And Harry should have clicked off. Right away, he should have exited the screen and said ‘gotta go’ because this was his student. His student he tutored and had fucking come on here to jerk off to a look alike. But he couldn’t. Not finally getting a look at her body. Soft and curved and delicious. Her tits strained the tank top and little tiny panties, some fishnets. Jesus fucking Christ. He let out an audible moan as he watched her sit back on the bed, talking back and forth with some of the comments.

He wasn’t sure what made him comment. 

DaddyH: you look beautiful. I love the fishnets.

She did. And he loved them. A lot of the comments were dirtier but not to the point he could see it turning a woman on. He didn’t get an associates in sexology for nothing.

Y/N was pretty good with responding to comments, they were paying after all, but a lot of them were much nicer than most would think. Her community was used to her streams taking a bit to get going because she liked to get super horny, so once she was properly high she usually talked with her comments about things she’s been fantasizing about and what they’d like to see her do. 

DaddyH. He was new. 

“Hi daddyh, thank you! You’re new aren’t you?” Y/N said with an excited smile, she liked newcomers. It meant someone was interested in her. “Well we’ve got a special show on our hands then.” Her viewers loved when new people came because the shows were always better. She was visibly hornier. She shifted a little bit so she was leaning farther back on her pillows, bringing her legs up and out so she was spreading like a little butterfly. Of course the panties kept things covered but not much. Y/N pulled them up so they were tight on her, “Gotta get me real wet first, yeah?” She hummed, “love knowing you’re watching me... love when you tell me what you like...” It was strategic to talk dirty as if she was talking to one specific person.

Fuck shit motherfucker. Fuck. 

Harry didn’t even see her pussy fully yet and he was nearly drooling. What the fuck had he done in what past life to get this type of luck? He wasn’t sure but he did know that whatever he did, he was thankful. He got a good look at her, her lusty eyes. He was a dirty talker. He loved to sex— fuck the English teacher in him. He loved making women a mess of whines and slick and speaking their darkest fantasies into their ears as the writhe underneath him. Y/N would be a fun one to play with. For sure. 

DaddyH: you could play over the panties. They’re cute.

He had a thing for panties and fishnets, and she was going right to his kinks.

“But that’s no fun.” Y/N pouted at the comment, wiggling her panties a little bit so she could rub against her clit some. She let out a tiny moan and hummed, letting her hands move up her body to squeeze her tits through her shirt. She was properly eye fucking the camera too, teasing as she started to pull up her shirt. “I’m frustrated, daddy...” Usually she waited till she got a certain number of tips before she took her clothes off, but she was only a few dollars away so she pulled off her shirt revealing that she wasn’t wearing a bra. The tightness of the tank top kept them up, but these men seemed to love natural tits. Her hand slipped down to start rubbing over her clit over top her panties, letting out little breathy moans of pleasure. “Really want to be fucked...” She explained, “Wanna be full...” Y/N pouted and quickened her pace. 

“Bent over a desk.”

Harry had a big oak desk he could bend her over and absolutely destroy her. If that’s something she would want. Harry would wreck her. His hand palmed Over his cock as he took her in and looked at her tits. He was an everything man but tits? He could happily suck on hers for an hour and make marks all over, just to listen to her mewl and feel her on his tongue. He squeezed over his sweatpants, feeling himself heat up as he watched her. She was topless, his student. His student was topless and rubbing her clit over tiny little panties, giving a pout and looking at the camera too fucking similar to the way she looked at him in his office today. And while his rational mind knew he wouldn’t be able to look at her the same— he would want to fuck her even more than he had— he couldn’t stop watching.

It was clear that Y/N’s interactions with Harry had spilt over into her mind while she was getting into it. It was that intense stare that he had, his ringed hands, of course there was also the tone of his voice. How he asked her to look at him that one time. She could only imagine him asking her much rougher and in a deeper voice. 

“Daddy...” She whimpered out, teasing her own self over her panties as she read over the comments. Y/N giggled are some, loving he praise if men calling her cute and telling her she was pretty and her moans were turning them on. She went and took off her panties cause she really couldn’t take it anymore, revealing her fishnet covered cunt. “Want a better view, hmm?” Y/N smirked, moving to rip them right over the crotch so everyone could see. “I’m so fuck wet for you... look..” She said all excited, pulling her fingers back to show the strings of wetness on her fingers.

Harry was in heaven. Truly. Or hell, because he wasn’t able to be the one ripping the fishnets up and fucking her in them. Her thighs looked soft and delicate and probably so easily bruised. He could do some incredible work down there. 

DaddyH: Lick it clean, sweetheart. I know it’s sweet.

There was no way she wasn’t so sweet that his teeth would fill with cavities. No way. He wanted her taste all over his tongue. He was a very giving dom, very much eager to make his lovers cum again and again and again so long as they complied with his soft rules. It wasn’t difficult.

Y/N’s stomach filled with warmth as she read over the comment, bringing her fingers to her mouth and sucking on them properly as if they were a cock. She was starting to like the Daddyh character. He was so sweet and polite in his choice of words, paid well. What was there not to like? She removed her fingers from her mouth giggling a little bit as she decided to show off some more. Y/N pushed the laptop back a bit, turning so they could see her ass and how she arched her back for them relieving that she’d had a butt plug in the whole time. Sleek and black with a little gem at the end. A lot of the things she had were gifts from subscribers. She had an Amazon wishlist specifically set up for them as well as a regular P.O. Box that then routed to her home. She had tons of back up fishnets, some used ones she sold online as well. Lots of other things. She quite enjoyed it.

When did she put that in? Harry needed to know. Was she wearing that when she was sat on his fucking couch? He would surely lose his goddamn mind if that was the case. 

He tipped her $50, asking the question he needed the answer to. 

DaddyH: Have you been wearing that all day, pretty girl?

The idea of her squirming in class occurred to him. And then the idea of a little vibrator inside of her that he had the remote to, pressing it on to see her reactions. He would buy her one, fuck. He would buy this girl anything if it meant getting to see her squirm and hear her beg him to let her cum.

Y/N wiggled her bum a bit, turning on her back again with a hum. “I’ve been wearing it all day...” She nodded, reaching over for her vibrator because she really couldn’t wait anymore. Everyone who streamed her knew she was impatient, sometimes if they paid a good amount she’d wait and tease herself first but she was needy today. She just kept thinking about professor Styles. “‘m so needy... been so horny lately, might be on for a while.” Y/N blushed, “or I’ll film some special requests on my onlyfans...” She smirked because she knew she would get lots of money for men begging her to stay but loads for custom content too. Y/N turned the vibrator on it’s lowest setting, starting to move it down on to her cunt where she let out a pleaser sigh. “I wanna cum so bad... just wanna cum.” She pleaded, reading to see what everyone was saying. Y/N turned it up a few notches, letting out a content sigh as she moved it over a specific spot. The feeling was indescribable and the noises that left her just showed how relieved she was.

Harry nearly fell over. Her ass was stuffed when she sat on his couch— and it wasn’t from his cock. Harry particularly loved anal, it was a very hot thing to him and the fact she hadn’t been warming his cock like that was near criminal. Truly. 

“Sweet Jesus.” He breathed, finally taking himself out of his pants. Spitting thick on to the head, he spread it over his cock and waited for her to continue. She had an onlyfans? He would be subscribing and buying content. He didn’t give a fuck. He wanted it and it would be the best way to keep her close but far. He was watching how her legs trembled and her mouth fell open at the feeling, her body arching into the buzzing of the vibrator. Oh, how he would hold it against her and finger her until she squirted all over the bed and make her clean it up with her tongue. He was a sexual man but kinky more than anything. The idea of it all... it was so hot and wrong and taboo and it was even better in his cock’s mind that she was a no go zone. Made it hotter. 

DaddyH: you’ve got such a pretty pussy. How many times can you cum?

Y/N read his comment and let out a whine, turning up the vibrator a few settings higher once again so she could get even closer to her brink of orgasm. “Let’s find out.” She breathed out and continued to crank up the settings. The closer she got the more she thrashed and bucked her hips both up and away from the vibrator. She was very enjoyable to watch she’s been told, specifically because she just couldn’t keep her mouth shut and that she was willing to take a lot. Y/N must have sat there for a few hours just making herself cum over and over again, both with the vibrator and the dildo she had. Once she was all fucked out, 5 orgasms deep, she just laid there and watched the comments roll in. She giggled at a few, breathing heavily as she slowly walked herself down from the blissful headspace she was in. “Thank you, I’m feeling so much better...” Y/N cooed, giving them a smile. “Have a good day or night!” And with that she’d logged off, happy that she had made a new regular.

-------------------------------------------

[part 2]

A/N: bet you weren’t expecting that huh? 😈 and yes!! punk!y/n - n + d

let us know what you think!

masterlist

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: Good Omens and Judaism

Recently, I watched Jill Bearup’s review of the Good Omens Amazon Prime adaptation – a video you can watch here, and even if you don’t, I highly recommend you watch any of her other videos, especially her newer stuff about fight choreography – and something she brought up set my brain rolling down a particularly interesting hill.

She compares the series (written by Neil Gaiman) to the book (written by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman), and points out how one of the things the series does differently is that it shows the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. Jesus doesn’t appear in the book Good Omens, though a major part of the story’s premise is that all the events described in the Bible actually literally happened. The book is centered on the birth of the Antichrist, but it doesn’t present us with the Christ that he is “anti” to.

Bearup comments that the story of Good Omens doesn’t really work so well if Jesus’s death (and subsequent rebirth) is one of the things that actually literally happened in the world. This is because the other major part of the story’s premise is that Heaven is, in many ways, just as bad as Hell. The angels are just as much a threat as the demons are to the world, to humankind, and to our protagonists. There is no inherent, definite separation between “good” and “bad” in Good Omens; humanity, and life on Earth, is the important thing worth fighting for.

But Jesus’s death indicates that there is an inherent “good” separate from “bad.” It also indicates that Heaven is the ultimate good place, and the ultimate goal, because Jesus’s death was for the purpose of redeeming the sins of humanity so that humans could in the end go to Heaven. If Heaven is just as bad as Hell, how can there also be this objectively good “dying for our sins” thing?

I find this view particularly interesting because none of this occurred to me while watching Good Omens. I didn’t think at all about the Jesus scene or what it implied. It didn’t linger with me; it didn’t affect my interpretation of the rest of the show.

And that’s really because Jesus doesn’t matter to me. At all.

I didn’t grow up with the Jesus story. My first exposure to any New Testament content was the time my dad was in a community theatre production of Jesus Christ Superstar. He played Caiaphas, and we have home video of my siblings and I – little Jews between the ages of 2 and 8 – singing about how much of a problem this Jesus guy is in our best imitation of a bass voice. Mom didn’t let us stay to watch the second act, so we missed out on all the betrayal and whipping and death parts, and once the run of the musical was complete, we never watched it again.

In middle school, it took me until the last chapter of The Last Battle to realize that Aslan had been Jesus all along. Yes, I did read all seven Narnia books; I just thought it was fun fantasy, until they all suddenly died and went to heaven. In hindsight, I get how heavy-handed the sacrifice and rebirth in The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe is, but at the time, I didn’t know that part of the Jesus story, let alone that it was something people cared about or believed.

Bearup is right – Good Omens doesn’t work with Jesus. The series worked for me because I didn’t think that the Jesus death scene had any impact on the rest of the story, because as a Jew, that scene doesn’t have any impact on my life philosophy.

And I think that’s the key thing here. Good Omens makes the most sense if you remember that it’s a Jewish man’s take on Christian theology. Neil Gaiman is Jewish. Of course Jesus doesn’t matter in Good Omens. He’s a detail that doesn’t fit with the story’s philosophy and is therefore easily deleted or relegated to a flashback that’s actually about Aziraphale and Crowley’s friendship.

Which brings me to something I did think about while watching Good Omens. Though it focuses on the Christian Bible, Good Omens is really fricking Jewish.

For Jews, the here and now matters so much more than whatever is after death! The mashiach hasn’t come yet; no one’s “saved” our souls. In fact, our souls don’t need “saving” – “Elohai neshama shenatata be t'horah he,” we say – “My G-d, the soul You have given me is pure.” We are already good, as we are now. We’re here on Earth doing the work of creation every single day, and that work is important. All that we create – all the stuff that Aziraphale and Crowley love about us in Good Omens – is important. The very idea of everything being destroyed so that we can all be shuttled off to Heaven or Hell is, well, icky.

The existence of the angel Aziraphale and the demon Crowley is also very Jewish. In the Torah, angels don’t really have personalities. They’re malachim – literally, messengers. If one shows up, it’s treated in the text like it’s just speaking G-d’s words. We have stories about them in the Talmud that give angels a little more color, but they’re not exactly painted in a very “good” light there. In one midrash, when the Red Sea closed over the Egyptians, allowing the Jews to escape slavery, the angels sang and danced in celebration. G-d then said to the angels, “Why are you celebrating? My children are drowning in the sea.” So the idea of an angel like Gabriel, who’s spent his whole time hanging out in heaven, being a jerk who doesn’t care about humanity fits well with the Jewish perspective. However, if an angel did stick around on Earth for thousands of years, getting to know us, instead of simply parroting G-d’s words… then he’d probably become a decent fellow who loved humans. That’s Aziraphale.

As for Crowley, well, Jews question everything. Arguing with G-d is our thing, all the way back to Abraham. We love G-d, sure – if we believe in G-d, and there are plenty of Jews who don’t. For every law that exists, for every story we tell or prayer we recite or tradition we take part in, there is a Jew who has said, “But why, though? Does it really have to be like that?” And isn’t that what got Crowley in trouble in the first place, and what motivates him throughout the series? “Does it really have to be like that?”

Good Omens talks a lot about “God’s ineffable plan,” and it leaves things ambiguous in the end about whether the events of the series actually were Herself’s plan. That’s very Jewish, too. The Jewish answer to “Does G-d have a plan?” is, basically, “Does it matter?” We’re here now. We’re living our lives now. We’re doing what good we can now. If there’s a Heaven or a Hell, if there’s even a literal G-d, if any of the stuff in the Bible actually literally happened… Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Tl;dr, if it feels like Jesus doesn’t make sense in Good Omens, that’s because he doesn’t. Jesus left Judaism behind, and Good Omens is a Jewish story. It’s Jewish fanfiction of the New Testament. Which itself is fanfiction of the Torah. Think about it.