#also she's going Sunday LOL
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#lol my sister is going to the eras tour and is going to have better seats than me#kill me now lol#also she's going Sunday LOL#I don't actually know what seats she got but it's from a season ticket holder who splurged greatly so#it's putnam club seating so a bit better for sure
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hozier starting to sing take me to church and then unfurling a pride flag healed something in me actually
if you listen closely you can hear me yell ‘oh my god’ when he does it
#(don’t listen too closely though I’m a bad singer lol)#I tried to post this Sunday night but it didn’t go through#I had no idea he was going to do it I almost cried#not leverage#hozier#slept at our airbnb for like 4 hours#woke up for an hour until Cumbies would be open so I could get breakfast (5am)#and then drove over 2.5 hours to get back home in time to get prepared for work#I ended up teaching my two hour group and then working till twelve and taking the rest of the day off#I forgot my meds so I slept ten hours until 10 at night 💀#worth it#seeing him was a spiritual experience fr#and this was like SO spontaneous. like I cannot express enough how much I didn’t plan for this#also I literally got my tickets saturday when the show was sunday. thank u stubhub ur a true mvp#I knew my friends were going and were staying overnight and someone in my facebook group was selling tickets last minute and was like 👀👀👀#I’m not gonna go into how she decided to sell to someone else later that day when I had already made plans and made me cry but whatever#it worked out in the end
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my mom owed me like $20 so I just asked her if she'd buy me this nice lounge bra I'd been eyeing so she did and GIRLS. THIS IS SO COMFY
#and it has a high neckline so I can wear it as a cropped undershirt#some days I do be winning#also I have a thriftbooks order supposed to be here soon bc I needed my own copy of die young with me#and I also decided to finally get another book I've been thinking about for a while even though it was ''new'' priced#plus I'm having a new possible temporary (she's a college student graduating in the spring) friend over on Sunday#AND one of my closest irl friends is coming over tomorrow bc her washing machine is broken so she's using ours lol#and there's a labor day event going on this weekend including a free community rodeo !!!#all that said. despite the tension headache I gave myself using a new pillow (dw I took smth for it and will not be#using that pillow again)... it is.shaping up to be a LOVELY week#Lu rambles
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For this sapphicnatural sunday, here's a snippet from my Ambriel/Becky Rosen toxic yuri that's not at all ready to post but I've been working on it. Becky has convinced herself that she is Ambriel's patron saint:
"And then you spoke to me-"
"What?"
"Yes, I heard you, Sun Queen. Thus you spake-"
"I what?"
"Thus you called to me, in the wind, and in the grass, and in the moon, for the moon is thine also-"
"The moon is Hell's! I don't have anything to do with the moon!"
"THUS you spake, and your message was recieved gladly and wholely. I charged forth with your vision and under your standard. We followed your words and your spirit with righteousness in our hearts."
"Becky!" Ambriel's frustration lets out a touch of her true voice, which makes the cuffs sizzle painfully around her wrists. This, at least, makes Becky finally pause. "Becky, what did I say?"
"What?"
"What did I say, when I...spaked? Give me the exact wording."
Becky looks uncomfortable. "Well it's not like you'd say words exactly. It was more a feeling. Of your presence. So I knew everything would be alright."
"Right," Ambriel says, glancing pointedly around at the dungeon, "Well, one, I didn't say that, two, I wasn't present and, three, it doesn't exactly look like it's alright, does it? It's the Apocalypse."
#becky is so fun to write and ambriel is a wonderful straight man for her to bounce of#especially since Ambriel's worldview is ALSO ludicrous she just says it with a straight face#becky: you are my saviour ! you're going to fix me!!#ambriel: no don't be ridiculous. I'm a replaceable cog in the heaven machine. this is fine and a neutral statement btw.#sapphicnatural sunday#they're in the post Apocalypse becky has been through some shit lol
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STUPIF FUCKING PROFESSOR ASSIGNED US READINGS WITHOUT GIVING US ACCESS TO THE FILES AND THEN JUST DOUBLED OUR WORK 2 DAYS BEFORE CLASS. YOU CANT JUST DO THIS.
#WE ARE ABOUT TO UNIONIZE AGAINST THIS PROF AND GO TO THE DIRECTOR OF THE GRAD PROGRAM BC YOU CANT J DO THIS LOL#its actually sick work bc we emailed her MULTIPLE times ab our missing readings throughout the week#and she didnt give us any response until SUNDAY??? GO TO HELL#besides the fact time is a precious commodity we have scarce of its also extremely disrespectful
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I’m gonna challenge my subconscious to a fist fight and I’m gonna lose
#i had a dream that mabel kept coming back to life just to sniff stuff or investigate food that she liked#she was still dead but i’d buried her instead of cremating her and for whatever reason i was either digging her up#or she was digging herself up and sniffing and eating stuff#and i was like ‘she’s CLEARLY still alive if she can do this’ and everyone was like ‘no she’s dead you have to bury her again’#whenever she fell asleep she would be dead again. like she’d stop breathing and her heart would stop#i don’t know if she was like. a vampire dog? but it was so upsetting to dream#this is the second sad dream i’ve had about mabel in the course of like 3 days.. no less because the last one made me wake up in tears#on friday morning. and like it’s brought me to my knees honestly. i can’t DO this#also in my dream i went to a careers advisor or life coach or something and they were really mean to me lol#and my family made me go with them to visit some people i didn’t know who insisted on serving us cups of tea#it was really strong hot tea and i don’t really drink tea like that#and my grandma’s friend who was the loveliest woman and died a few years ago was there#and she was just absolutely pouring milk in her tea even though it was overflowing and going everywhere#and mabel was there accosting their terriers even though she was supposed to be dead. it was too much#in another part of the dream my old roommafe (who i really didn’t like) was pressuring me to go drinking with her even though mabel had just#(dubiously) died. and i was like ‘you do realise i’m going to get absolutely paralytic and scream and cry about my dog the whole time’#there was also this subplot where like everyone i knew but me had been in a play and the stage makeup had been made from ‘magic beans’#that stained everyone blue. so everyone i met had randomly blue eyebrows and stuff#there was one man who was just fully blue#also i was supposed to be in the world championships for a game that was like tetris but more esoteric but the servers broke down#or something like that. i think that’s everything#i’m just like.. why make me bawl at 6:30 on a sunday morning. what’s the advantage of that#i’m supposed to be taking care of benji and he’s looking at me like ‘god this woman is a basket case’#his owner has colitis and chronic fatigue and she has her shit more together than me#personal
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Ok so apparently it's not normal that whenever someone goes to a restaurant and I'm with them, I expect them to get just themselves food and then we leave. Like if you get me food or ask if I want anything I will in fact look at you like you're a stranger who just walked up and offered me a 100 dollar bill
#what can i say im just used to getting nothing#both my parents and my older sisters would go to get food and basically never get me anything#if i did get anything it also wasnt 'what do you want' it was 'heres what im getting you youre welcome'#lol and i was okay with that? guys. guys am i supposed to raise my standards#is this like. am i not respecting myself enough#like this is me having gottwn much better too. i used to be even worse#if i went to your house and you let me sleep on something that wasnt the floor i would stare at yoy in shock#i was mentally incapable of comprehending that i could get whatever i wanted off of a menu#one time my friends mom actually yelled at me because she took me to dunk8n donuts and asked what i wanted#and i froze up so bad that i just couldnt say anything because i didnt know what she meant#i was like 'oh you dont need to get me anything' 😭😭 and she INSISTED she had to get me something#for context i mustve been like 9 and i had NEVER had anyone ask my what i wanted before#i also was so prepared to just skip breakfast due to the anxiety of this situation#turns out having kids skip breakfast is also not super normal? me and my sisters usually wouldnt eat breakfast#especially on sunday mornings before church because there was snacks there
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OUGHHH I FOROGR
#i was supposed to go to my sisters house ;;;;#in my defense i was planning to go to both of my sisters houses on the same day#except i had to wait for a confirmation from my other sister as to WHAT DAY would be good#and it is now 7pm on sunday. i had all weekend.#my sister never fucking replied to me <3<3<3 guess ill#uh#fucking uhh#NOT teach her crochet#but it's also v late to get up and go out on a work day >:(#and i couldve had this done earlier. i COULD have had this done YESTERDAY#of my sister had actually replied#but nooooo my brain got stuck in 'just wait for confirmation before finalizing plans' mode#and now it's fucking 7pm on fucking sunday when i texted her on fucking FRIDAY MORNING.#and i forgot to actually PLAN THIS OUT#BC I WAS STUCK IN WAITING MODE.#gods. im just.#hhhhhhh#and now i have to figure out a different time for this bc i cant. i cant go out and do shit at 7pm.#sigh#my other sister is gonna be annoyed about it and i know that#shh ac#edit: cus i dont feel like adding on to it#but yeah i kinda figured i would get a response like that 👍#tbf my message was a little passive aggressive but like dude. i was ALSO in a shitty space all weekend.#its sooo funny that she seems to think that shes the only one who ever gets into shitty moods. lmao. lol even.#and im not saying i dont understand not responding to texts when in a bad mental state-#hell i left my mom on read for 2 days and i still have other messages ik i should respond to#but like. when it comes to messages that are time sensitive like that like. i could accept a 'no not this week' or whatever#its just#urgh
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Oh my god I might get to take my friend on a date EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK
#that’s a good eek lol#I won’t even really have romantic feelings towards her lol#and as far as I’m aware she feels the same way towards me#but we joke about having sex/going on a date a lot#and she was like ‘I’m free Sunday’ and I went 👀#she also posts a lot on Snapchat complaining about people just wanting her for sex/not treating her well#& also posts TikTok’s of guys giving their girlfriends princess treatment and captioning it with stuff like ‘need someone like this fr’#so like— I dunno- it’s a little silly- but I kinda wanna do that for her I dunno#I’m kinda already planning some things out 👉👈#and like I said!!! I don’t even have romantic feelings for her (have literally talked to her about a crush I have lol)#but I dunno- I guess I just wanna show her that it’s not impossible to find someone who *will* do those things and *will* treat her the way-#-she wants & deserves to be treated#I think mostly I want her to know she doesn’t need to lower her standards- *shouldn’t* lower her standards#just because a few shitty people refuse to meet them#(the reason I’m so deadset on doing this might have something to do with me lowering my already very low standards for people who absolutel-#-absolutely did not deserve it in the past)#like honestly some of the stuff was as simple as getting her flowers/opening the car door for her#easy shit. (obv I’m doing more than that lol)#but you get the idea
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ok very interesting quest in hsr
#theyre getting better at this writing shit#hsr spoilers#tho i think dh and jy was still kinda random lol i guess it made sense since it was a dream(?)...#i haven't seen enough people crying abt misha but to me. its sadge we can't see him on the train anymore :( but he got#his wish.... he talks abt always wanting to go on the express and traveling and he did it.... he made it!! so im happy for him :')#aven pisses me off lowkey ipc hater group. whatever tho#i like where they went w robin so now i'll just wait for sunday#also the boss design is so nice and cool and very reminscent of ena but fuck the gameplay oh my god i hated fighting sundays mecha body#so much .... i swear if robin's gonna need those materials i'll just be like . 🧍♀️#much to think about though. at the same time i actually have no idea what happened and need to read a plot summary#hsr#they also need to stop putting elements that i don't have built like genuinely besides gui.naifen and hime.ko i have 0 fire chars#and id rather not use ms train navigator bc she doesn't seem good against bosses#robin and sunday are intriguing and so is boothill.... neutral on fire.fly but i guess she's alright at least she improved from getting#murdered for shock value in 2.0#ramblings!#oh one more thing sunday apologist i dont think what he did was necessarily right i just want to chew on him like a toy#hoyo loves their characters falling out of giant robots#chicken wing boy pls be playable i'll pull he's so funky a bit in over his head but we love a biblical coded guy w savior complex#oops edit: also wtf is the state of the family rn we kinda just fought sunday fought sunday again for real this time and then he fell#and penacony went back to reality??? or what? maybe i'm not comprehending or maybe there's another part to this???????
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god this SUCCCKKKS i'm trying so hard not to be negative and look on the bright side but there like. is no bright side lol. i am angy
#she bork#tbd#idk like i said yesterday this position switch sucks and i'm not a fan. no benefits. also i'm mad bc this is supposed to be my weekend off#but i work tomorrow bc technically monday and tuesday were my days off (even though monday was a FUCKING HOLIDAY so no one works) and i#haven't had a weekend off since like the beginning of the month. two weekends ago doesn't count bc i was supposed to work sunday and didn't#go in bc it was MY WEEKEND OFF and no one told me about the schedule change and then when i found out i accidentally no call no showed after#i woke up i was really upset and anxious all day. we have a friend over this weekend and he comes today and i do not want to go to bed at#fucking like 9 pm bc we rarely see him. that and i feel like shit as it is lol i feel like my arthritis is flaring up bc we're in a cold#snap. so honestly i'm considering calling in tomorrow but i haven't decided bc i don't want to fuck up my attendance anymore than i already#have bc they put me on a corrective action last week bc of the aforementioned ncns and like i'm not exactly in danger of being fired but#being on a ca is not good. so i'd rather just let a sleeping dog lie and take the L on tomorrow lol
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got navia up to lvl 90 and she's doing so wonderfully 🥹🥹🥹
#i didn't get full fanfare stacks and didn't get the last stack of navia's bullets#but 200k+ on skill is WILD i adore her so much im so glad i pulled for her#yes i will work on her talents when they open again sunday but her skill is my main focus anyway so she's practically done for me LOL#also idk if it's worth it to go for the new artifacts????? should i do it or go for a more resin efficient domain#bc i like my build on navia rn and i kind of don't wanna farm a new set for her 😭😭😭#lou.txt#showcase.mp4
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Guess who's spending Eid away from home again next year lol
#me bitch#i havent went home for eid for 2 years and if you count next year then make it 3#so fyi first day of eid is estimated to be on the 10 of april 2024 which is Wednesday#so my classmates estimate that the classes on monday and tuesday will be online so they started to buy the tickets on Friday (5/4)#or during the weekend basically because yknow festive season = expensive tickets#and i told it to my friend and she chekced the ticket to go to kl and its only 200+ (official app) or 100+ (travel company) on 6/4 at 5am#so she asked me if i want to buy it so we can share transport to airport together and be in the same flight#so i called mom just now but since i need to take the transit to ny hometown it racks up to rm800+ 💀#totalled with the flights back to uni on sunday (14/4) it will be up to rm1600+ 💀#mom sound sorry and even said she can pay if i really want to go back home#but yknow i dont want to burden my parents more (they are the one who usually pay for my flights anyway)#and my friend who lives in the same state as me also doesnt seem to be able to afford the expensive tickets too#so its just me and her in the perantauan again ig lol#but my friend who lives here said to just celebrate eid with her and we can sleep in her room 😂#tbh i dont really mind not going back because as i get older the excitement for eid lessen idk#but i kinda miss the bersalam on the morning of eid with my family so yeah#and if i were to graduate and start working which i cant imagine ngl then i wont be home much anyway#whatever at least i get to fast at home for a week so theres still some W to celebrate#personal.txt
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lmaooooo i think i need to quit teaching forever and also bury myself in a hole. lol
#purrs#grading papers on a sunday and the WAYYYYY this one students paper just hurt my feelings so fucking bad. i mean it’s not just hers but like.#god. it’s the most childish thing in the world (which makes sense / is the literal problem. that i am a child.) but im coteaching this class#(WHICH I TOOK and my co-instructors were MY instructors and now im replacing one of them who’s also the one who left in july lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍) and#ive had WICKED impostor syndrome bc… not to air it all out but im airing it all out bc im so mad lol. they’re both older men with phds and w#wives and families and im a 24 year old in the first year of her career with a bachelors degree who stilllives at home w her parents and#also the two of them and the third instructor literaly developed this class together and again i TOOK IT as a student in their class 2 years#ago. so again… WICKED impostor syndrome. and the class is all abt figuring out how to thrive in different contexts that are constrained by s#social norms so it’s relevant to talk abt impostor syndrome and i have talked about it. and also i get substantial parts to lead in the#classes and whatever and take attendance and grade papers and send out emails to the whole class etc etc. so WHY are the other two#instructors getting shoutouts in the papers and i am getting… NOTHING!!!! naught a SINGLE mention. when i am literally fucking LIVING#THROUGH the things we’re taking abt in class abt the first year of ur career and impostor syndrome and shit……. oh iknow why! because they#don’t actually see me as an instructor because im short and a nothing girl and an IMPOSTOR!!!!! LOLLLLL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 and the book chapter was the#same too lol like im the only co-author who doesn’t actually get individually named as making a contribution in the text of it and nobody#noticed but me because it’s a stupid thing to notice but i still noticed. awesome. i love being invisible and not actually mattering ♥️ <#<- has the mental illness that makes you utterly unable to see evidence of how you actually do matter and only hyperfocus on the evidence th#that you don’t <- but also is trapped in the psychijc prison of some parts of her environment telling her she does matter and other parts t#telling her she doesn’t so can you blame her for going CRAZY!!!!!!!!! like is this literally not the normal well adjusted reaction to have#to GENUINELY LEGITIMATELY JUSTIFIABLY upsetting thigns. when the circumstances are fucked up and deleterious 😍😍😍😍😍😍#delete later#oh also im apparently not even an official instructor in Da System (which is a problem and it is not supposed to be that way) so i won’t#even get to read abt how the students fucking forgot about me and think im a nothing girl because they won’t even have a chance to give me#that feedback!!! lol. i think * and * should just do everything together because they are both qualified to do it. and i should spin off#into the abyss and quit my job and never be heard from again. that’s how this shit makes me feel. like ik it’s just a couple of students and#their opinions literally don’t matter but im like hm how about i go fuck off then since clearly i don’t make a difference to you. lole <3#* i won’t get that feedback etc etc bc i am not going to get course evals because im not in Da System. lol ♥️
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Someone complained about my daily drumming on the town’s Facebook group lmao
#I never go on fb but my mom saw it lmao#my first hater <3#well maybe not the first I think they all hate me aside from one very kind neighbour who enjoys the ruckus lol#she sometimes sends messages to my mom asking her if I can play some more#another dude works in concert venues so he doesn’t mind (I think)#but the looks the others give me 💀#also bitch is exaggerating she goes off about how she can’t rest like sweetie I play an hour every afternoon#and I’m kind enough not to play on Sundays (usually)#captain’s log#anyway this is very funny
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Went for a neighborhood walk and found a yardsale with hella books xD
#in my defense#these were free#they were supposed to be $2 each but i didnt have my wallet on me bc i wasnt expecting a sunday yardsale#and the lady was like just take them#she also offered to set aside the mountain photographs book i found and then lost in the boxes if she found it 🥺💕#i think this is extra funny bc the past two days at work i almost got books but was like nah imma be good#mainly bc i was staying with my GF and didnt want a full shelf to bring back home lol#universe says nope no going 3 days without acquiring books#Torch#west siberian laika
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