#also she was quite lonely even within the party aside from her trust in one (1) person who was her best friend (laurel)

[tinyplanetss]

oh no im thinkin about valira again

[charmingyong]

Trust the Magenta Lilacs

Lilacs symbolize spring, renewal, and first love. Magenta lilacs symbolize love and passion. Regardless of colour, lilacs have a lasting association with love and romance.

Genre: Taeyong x fem!reader, university, humour, fluff, angst, slow burn, friends with benefits, friends to lovers

Characters: Y/N, Taeyong, Joy, Johnny, Yuta, Ten, Mark, Jaehyun

Warnings: slow burn, suggestive themes, talks of sex (not explicit), emotional trauma, swear words, alcohol consumption, harassment, feelings of betrayal, trust issues

Plot: You weren’t interested in relationships. But your dear friend Joy was desperate to have you living a more thrilling university life. She introduced you to a group of boys, in which one of them shook your heart.

Word count: 26k

Disclaimer: This story was inspired by a talk between my sister and her friend about their friends' relationships. Regarding this, the main characters are completely fictional and do not fully represent these people nor the true personalities of the idols casted. If you are triggered by the warnings, I advise you to either read with caution or not read this. There's only a couple of scenes which I think can be triggering for some people.

A/N: The italicized English lyrics half-way in the story is My Everything by NCT U. 

© 2021 charmingyong.

- ❀ -

“I’ll be back shortly with your drinks.” Your server gave you and Joy a smile before leaving your table.

You took the time to look around the on-campus restaurant. It was just after two in the afternoon, meaning a lot of students were still in classes and explained the numerous empty tables. A soft music was playing in the background, creating a peaceful ambiance for anyone to come in and de-stress from their routine while enjoying a variety of comfort foods on the menu. Life wasn’t stressful just yet, as it was only the beginning of the fall semester of your senior year.

You brought your eyes to look at the girl sitting across from you, her gaze dreamily locked onto the retreating figure. “He’s so hot with that mustache,” she said. Once the server was out of her sight, she shifted her gaze to yours for a sign of agreement.

You didn’t say anything. In fact, you already forgot how he looked like the second he left your table and you didn’t give him a second glance. Because you didn’t care. Joy raised an eyebrow at you, waiting for your response and so you said the truth. “I don’t remember...”

Her eyes blew up in shock. “You sure you don’t have a short-term memory loss or something? How can you forget his super handsome face? Like you don’t have to look at boys just for relationships, you know that right? Unless you’re...” she trailed off with a sly smile.

You rolled your eyes at her. “If I was, I would have kissed you by now.” You stuck your tongue out at her playfully.

She let out a sigh. “I’d love to have that kiss. But jokes aside, you’re seriously missing out. You can literally do anything and your parents won’t know. Of course, I’m not suggesting that you do bad things, but looking at guys isn’t a bad thing. Maybe you’ll find a guy that catches your eye and something happens between you two. Like talking, flirting, crushing on him, becoming friends with him... maybe fall in love. When else is the perfect chance to meet boys than in university?” Joy ended off with an excited and hopeful expression on her face, wishing that you’d agreed with her.

You only shrugged nonchalantly. You weren’t scared for your parents to find out about what you were up to and you didn’t care. You knew how to your ‘me’ time in your upper years compared to when you were a freshman. Considering the amount of tea Joy brought to you to spill, you preferred staying single than having drama in your life.

You knew Joy was respective with your decision to stay single because she knew that made you feel comfortable. But at times like this, she would try to talk you into giving boys a chance. Joy didn’t want her friend to end up feeling lonely and unhappy. You only really had Joy as a good friend, thanks to your introverted personality. One time she asked you whether your decision to stay single had anything to do with your father, in which your reply was a prompt no. But you thought about it from time to time. What if it was?

She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. “You’re coming with me this weekend.”

“No.”

“I wasn’t asking.”

“I don’t want to.” You knew what Joy was referring to. There was a party happening this weekend. Whenever Joy went to attend parties, you stayed back at your shared apartment. You never liked the idea of going to parties when you weren’t ready to mingle with strangers.

“Before you say no again, actually take your time thinking about it, Y/N.” With that, both of your drinks arrived.

- ❀ -

“Are you sure you really, really, really don’t want to go to this party? It’s for your own good, Y/N, and I promise I won’t leave you alone.” Joy brought out her best puppy eyes and pouted with her bright shade of red lipstick on her lips. She looked stunning standing by the front door of the apartment, wearing a black mini dress under a black leather jacket.

You knew she wouldn’t leave you alone without a warning and you also knew it was for your own good. But you couldn’t care less about it. Go stubborn! “Even though you look super cute right now trying to talk me into coming with you, I’m super sure about not going to this party,” you said confidently.

Joy’s face fell momentarily before picking up her mood again. “Well then, I’ll be heading off. Don’t stay up for me in case... you know,” she winked at me and walked out the front door.

- ❀ -

You woke up the next morning with someone shaking you roughly, almost pushing you off your bed. “Y/N! You need to come with me now!”

“What the heck Joy? Let me sleep,” you groaned and snuggled under your cozy blanket. But Joy had other plans and ripped the blanket from your body, leaving you slightly cold. With the way Joy was determined to follow her agenda, you groaned and sat up. “Fine, what is it? Where are we going?”

She squealed in excitement with a huge smile plastered on her face. “We’re going to their house!”

“Whose?”

“To Johnny’s and his friends’!”

Who was Johnny? “Why are we going to their house, especially this early in the morning? Is their house some sort of museum?”

Joy giggled at your joke. “It is in a way. And Johnny invited you over.” Your eyebrows furrowed, confused that a boy you had never met invited you to his house. “He’s really a sweetheart and a gentleman and the other boys are really friendly too. You don’t have to be nervous about the meet. They’re curious to meet you after I talked about you at the party.”

You were used to this. Joy always talked about you to others as if she was running around and sharing your dating profile to prospective partners. Though she never actually tried to set you up with someone. She would only talk about you and your non-thrilling life and your vow to stay away from boys.

She never forced you to meet boys and so the fact that she was doing so then shocked you.

“Don’t worry. You will like them too. And find them hot. I just know it! All I’m asking is for you to give them a chance. Just trust me and let’s go, please?” Once again, she shot her signature puppy look at you, making you sigh in defeat.

- ❀ -

When you two reached the front door of their house, Joy knocked. As if on cue, the door opened immediately to reveal a tall guy with a beautiful smile adorning his face. “Good morning, ladies. You must be Y/N. I’m Johnny. Come on in and please make yourself feel comfortable.” He moved to the side to let you two in.  

Once in the living room, Joy turned her head to give you a look. You could read her face well and knew that she was asking if you found Johnny hot. You didn’t give her any sign of response, wanting to create suspense for her.

“Joy talked about you at the party and it would be a pleasure to meet you. I’m glad she loved my idea and brought you over to meet me and the others.”

“But why would u want to meet me?”

He gasped, not believing that you didn’t know the reason yourself. “You’re seriously asking me that? It would be a huge honour to hear you call me handsome. Girls always compliment me about my dashing looks that it would be interesting when a beautiful girl like you would say otherwise.”

Beautiful girl? “You’ve never seen me before. How would know if I was beautiful?”

“Because everyone is beautiful.” A voice was heard behind Johnny and a boy appeared beside him. “Hello princess, I’m Yuta. Always at ladies’ service,” Yuta said with a smile and a wink.

Your heart fluttered yet also cringed a little internally with his flirty manner. Joy had warned you in advance of a flirtatious guy named Yuta. The good thing with him was that he made sure to stay within his limits and he wouldn’t do anything to make the receiving end feel uncomfortable. You hadn’t known him for even a minute and you weren’t not sure whether you should like him or be wary of him. Though you had to give him points for saying that everyone was beautiful. “I like that you guys think everyone is beautiful.”

He chuckled. “Think? Oh no. It’s a fact, princess.”

Another boy showed up. “Wait, what’s the fact?”

“Everyone is beautiful.”

“Oh yes I agree. Everyone is, especially my Johnny. He once grew out his hair past his shoulders and I fell in love with him all over again. By the way I’m Ten, and you are Y/N, right?”  

“Yes.”

“Ah the Y/N Joy talked about last night. It’s a pleasure to meet you, princess,” Yuta gave you a smile so beautiful that made your heart heal a little. “But I have to say. Mark sleeping on such an honourable guest is quite disrespectful.  

Johnny nodded. “I agree. Mark!” he yelled. “Quit sleeping and come down! The royal highness is here!” You were starting to think whether these boys’ sanity was okay, treating you like you needed the red carpet to walk on.

A faint grumble was heard from above, followed by some light footsteps making their way down the stairs. In entered a boy you guessed was Mark. His face was scrunched up with his messy bed hair. When his eyes landed on you, his eyes blew up and looked like he was fully awake now, flustered that your first impression of him was his sleepy appearance. “Oh hi there. I’m Mark,” he greeted you with a smile.

Ten snickered. “Y/N knows since you needed a special wakeup call from hyung.”

Mark elbowed him in the ribs, making Ten let out a small cry of pain.

“Mark! We don’t condone violence in this house, especially in front of ladies,” Johnny scolded.

“But hyung-”

“No!”

Mark grumbled under his breath. “Not fair.”

Yuta heard him. “Do you want a boo-boo kiss for hyung being mean, Markie?”

“What the hell hyung? No!”

You were grateful that Joy dragged you out of bed to meet a bunch of boys you’d never seen before. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t find them attractive. They were pretty handsome. But that was it. You didn’t feel anything else inside you that would make you want to interact with them in a manner more than friends. The way the boys were polite with you and playful with each other made you want to be friends with them.  

In the midst of everything happening from the boys pulling each other’s legs (not literally thankfully) to your train of thoughts, you didn’t hear the front door open. From the corner of your eyes, you saw a figure appear that stood a few feet away from you. When you shifted your focus onto it, your breathing stopped momentarily and your blood rushed faster inside you. The boy’s gaze was locked on you, not moving a single muscle to see what his housemates were up to. His poker face intimidated you, and you felt like a deer caught in headlights, paralyzed. What shocked you the most was his big brown eyes, so large that you could see yourself in the middle of the galaxy.

- ❀ -

“Y/N, are you taking any easy courses right now?” Ten asked. “One of my classes is going to drive me crazy and I want to switch out.”

After all the boys were introduced to you and numbers were exchanged, Johnny suggested having breakfast together. You sat with Joy and your new friends at a nearby diner, talking about school while eating your meal.

“Hmm... how about Korean? I’m taking the beginner’s course so it’s all basics.”

He nodded looking satisfied. “Having the others around already has me knowing the basics. So that sounds like a good class to me.”

“I’m going to switch too,” Yuta blurted.

Mark was surprised with Yuta’s announcement out of the blue. “I thought you liked all your classes. And you’re super fluent in Korean.”

“Where’s the fun if I’m not around Y/N? Plus, they don’t have paper proof on me that I’m better at Korean than you.”

“HYUNG!”

While you were busy talking about the course syllabus and who they should contact as there was an upcoming quiz, Taeyong felt his mobile vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out to see a message from Lez. “I’m going to see Lez today,” he informed Johnny who was sitting across from him at the end of the table.

“Weren’t you gonna hang out with someone already today?” Johnny asked.

Taeyong nodded. “Yeah, Brie. But I’m meeting Lez before the party tonight so I’ll get to the party with her.”

“Alright man.”

Joy overheard them and she wasn’t sure how to feel about Taeyong. She hadn’t been able to learn much about him at the party, considering he was absent most of the time when she talked to the others. All she heard about him was that he had many girls in his contacts.

“There’s another party tonight?” you asked from Mark’s outburst when he challenged Yuta to rap his verse that he prepared for the party.

“Of course! It’s Saturday. Parties happen until Sunday even.”

“I mean- I know that but Joy didn’t tell me...” and you figured it was her plan to have you clueless until she could strike her chance to persuade you. If you had known beforehand, you would have slammed a big fat NO on her face. You turned to Joy with suspicious eyes, but she only looked at you with innocence, batting her eyelashes.

“You are coming right?” Yuta asked you.

Ten spoke up, not willing to take any objections. “Of course she is! Now that she has us, we’re dragging her to the party. We’re not having her miss out on another party. She needs to live a little.”

Mark nodded agreeing with him. “Yes Y/N, you really should come. You can just hang around us. Please?”

With the way Mark pleaded you with his adorable cute eyes and pouted lips, you couldn’t help but agree to finally go to your first ever party in university. “Okay.”

Everyone at the table let out various noises of excitement. You could have sworn you saw Joy’s eyes tear up in happiness. Johnny, who was silently watching the commotion, smiled at you, pleased with your decision.

That was everyone except for Taeyong, who was smirking at his phone.

- ❀ -

“So how do you feel about the boys? Was I right?”

You and Joy said your goodbyes to the boys from the diner and drove back to your apartment. The boys decided to pick you and Joy up tonight and go to the party together. You slumped down onto the couch, feeling good about the interaction and making new friends. “Yes, you were. They’re friendly and funny too. Gosh that was so nerve-wracking on our way there though, not knowing what to expect.”

Joy punched the air in glory of her victory. “Yes, yes, yes! Okay but the main question is do you find them hot?” she asked eagerly. Your nod made Joy do a big happy dance and yelled out a “Finally!”

“They’re all pretty handsome. I would actually hit myself if I said they weren’t. But that’s about it. I don’t feel anything else towards them.” It was the truth. Their good looks didn’t spark anything else inside you besides warmth from their playful interactions that you witnessed. The only exception did go to-

“That’s fine! To hear you finally find a guy attractive is enough for me to die in peace.” She closed her eyes and wiped away her nonexistent tears. “But who struck you the most?”  

When your gaze was locked on the boy with deep brown eyes, you heard Johnny introduce you to Taeyong. You shifted your sight to the owner of the voice and that was when you learned that the name of the boy who made you feel uneasy was Taeyong. You felt your breathing somewhat come back once your eyes were anywhere except on him, but your stiffness was still there. His mere presence made you feel intimidated by him, which was why you tried to sit as far away as possible from him at the diner. Though out of all the boys you met, he was the most good-looking.

“Taeyong,” you answered.

Her face fell at your answer, which wasn’t the reaction you expected. “What do you feel with Taeyong?” Joy grew anxious.

“You don’t look happy.”

“I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to feel with Taeyong. I haven’t really talked to him at the party and I don’t want you to get involved with him more than just friends.”

To say you were shocked was an understatement. After all this time of Joy getting you to interact with boys, she placed a restriction with the one you found the most good-looking. It wasn’t a problem anyway as you didn’t feel anything else with Taeyong except for running away from him. “But why?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know the truth and I don’t want to sound like I’m judging him without knowing the truth. But it seems like I’m already doing that,” she chuckled to herself. “He... talks to a lot of girls.”

You were confused. What was that supposed to mean? “Does he like fuck around with them?”

“Well I don’t know about that, but he is seeing a lot of girls and he’s not officially in a relationship with anyone so it’s not like he’s two-timing or cheating, but... You know I don’t want you getting hurt, especially since I forced this whole meeting boys thing on you. I don’t want him to mislead you and have something more than friends going on but at the end breaks it off and hurts you. I just want you to be happy without getting hurt.”

You nodded, understanding her. “I know you only want the best for me, Joy.”

She laughed quietly. “Remember what I said one time if you were to ever have a boyfriend?”

You smiled, vividly reminiscing her words. “That you’ll do a background check on him to make sure he’s good.”

She nodded. “Because I don’t want you to go through what I did with my past exes. Being friends with Taeyong is fine. Anything more than that and I’m not going to sit around and do nothing.”

- ❀ -

“Y/N! Are you ready yet?”

The evening rolled in faster than you expected and you were nowhere near ready for the party. You were going to your first ever party in university so you wanted to dress up the very best. However, your wardrobe was lacking the appropriate attire for the event.  

Joy walked into your bedroom to check up on you. “What’s taking so long, girl?”  

You sighed loudly, giving up on your search for the perfect outfit and you lied down on your bed feeling disappointed. “I can’t find anything to wear.” 

Joy walked up to your open wardrobe and shuffled your clothes around. She paused and picked something up, showing you her selection. “This is so cute!” she gushed. “I’ve never seen you wear this.” 

Lifting your head up, you saw her holding a top that you had never worn before. Because you didn’t have the confidence to do so. “I’m not wearing that.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re wearing this or I’m going to make you wear one of my dresses.”

That was all she had to say before you jumped onto your feet and snatched the top from her hand. Your friend snickered, knowing how much you hated wearing dresses.

You heard a phone ring, making Joy pull out her phone and answer the call. “Hey John!” she greeted in a sweet tone. “Okay, we’ll be there in a bit.” She shoved her phone back in her pocket. “The boys are here waiting for us.”

- ❀ -

Johnny parked the car on the road among many other cars and your group walked down the sidewalk that lead up to the extravagant exterior of the house. Once inside, you were amazed by the humongous space and even more by the number of people occupying it. Students were talking with red solo cups in their hands, dancing with the music blasting from the hi-fi stereo system, playing games and laughing at the losers. If Joy or any of your new friends left you alone, you were going to cry. You did not fit in here with your monotone studious life.

Johnny informed your group that Taeyong was going to arrive at the party on his own. You weren’t sure whether you hoped to find him or avoid crossing his path. He hadn’t talked with you at all yet, neither at their house nor at the diner. Your theory was that he was a quiet boy. But if Joy was right, then how would a quiet boy have many girls in his contacts? He had to have talked to initiate something with them. But then considering his looks, girls would have approached him first. You were close to concluding that Taeyong didn’t like you and that was a problem if you and Joy were going to hang out with the boys often. He was going to be unavoidable unless he was busy himself. As if the thought of him not liking you wasn’t enough, you on the other hand were simply intimidated with the aura he radiated when looking into his eyes.

“Y/N, follow me!” Ten grabbed your hand and led you to the other side of the house. There was some space by the wall, looking like a stage for performances to occur. You were curious what acts were going to take place.

An unknown guy showed up with a mic on the stage. “Yo whatzzup everyone?” The crowd who was there to see the stage cheered loudly. “Alright so we got the Misfit gang ready to perform. Are you ready for a rocking, roof raising performance by them?”

A collection of loud yeses and cheers had the music begin. No one was on the stage yet, leaving the performer a surprise. Right before the verse began, Mark stepped onto the stage with a mic, making your eyes blow up in shock.

“I’m a misfit manneun fit jachega eopji

Sumi teokteok makin oseul ibeun neukkim

Jigyeopji gomin eopsi geunyang rip it

Nareul kkeureonaeriryeo halsurok get lifted”

You gawked at Mark and his ability to spit fire just minutes after arriving to the party. You realized that the rap Mark was referring to over breakfast was the performance for Misfit.

And what followed next was beyond your wildest imagination. The crowd parted to let Taeyong walk to the stage while rapping his verse.

“Aesseo nal jaedanharyeoneun geon dwaesseo

Jigeum idaero ga the best never mess up

Uisimi eopji geujeo bring it to the next

Nan deunneun bangbeobeul molla I’m a def”

You were struck by how handsome he looked wearing a black button-down shirt and ripped jeans with matching hair colour that made his beautiful face stand out even more. And though you were still intimidated by him, your heart couldn’t help itself from fluttering at how handsome he looked as a performer. 

One after another, the rappers made their way to the stage at the appropriate time for their verses. Johnny was the last one to jump on and his entry made the girls in the audience squeal in delight. It seemed like Johnny was quite a catch for the ladies.

When all the rappers sang the ending chorus, you were dazed by Taeyong’s presence on stage and the power he held. And it was not just you who slightly swooned over him, but other girls and boys too. After their performance ended, you heard a guy from the crowd yell “I love you Taeyong!” that resulted in a series of confessions being thrown from the audience to the rappers on the stage.

“So did you like their performance?” Ten asked you.

You nodded slowly, still in shock with the adrenaline-rushing performance that you were blessed to see. “Yeah totally! I didn’t know they could rap like that.”

“As expected from the aces,” Yuta said.

“Totally,” Ten agreed. “Oh hyung! Wanna go grab some drinks? Y/N, do you want some too?”

You were starting to feel a bit anxious with the number of people you were surrounded with. Before entering the place, you noticed a balcony on the second floor and wished to go there so that you could breathe comfortably. “Sure but am I allowed to go on the second floor? I want some fresh air.”

Yuta nodded. “Of course. You’re allowed to go anywhere unless there’s a sign that says otherwise. I’ll come up with your drink,” he smiled at you before Ten dragged him away.

The staircase was easily spotted and right when you took a step, you forgot about Joy ever since Ten dragged you away for the stage. You tried looking around, but you couldn’t spot your friend. Pulling out your phone, you found a notification from her.

Joy: Looks like you’re in good hands ;) call me if you need me <3 have fun!

You let out a breath of relief, grateful that Joy wasn’t mad at you for forgetting about her. With that, you made your way up the stairs and down the hallway to the room you guessed had the balcony. The door was fully open, displaying a full view of the balcony. Perfect! You poked your head in to make sure no one was inside. All clear! Walking up to the balcony, you leaned on the railing and took a fresh deep breath of the chilly night, instantly relaxing.

It wasn’t long until you heard footsteps that made you turn on your heel to see who was coming in your direction.

Taeyong.

With a girl beside him.

Hands linked together.

When he saw you face him, he held your gaze for a few seconds, his face unreadable before disappearing into the room adjacent to yours.

He did it again. He made you feel anxious. And a thing you confirmed about him was that he did have something going on with girls that involved a bedroom.

You left your room as you had no interest to listen to their private activity. Halfway down the hall, Yuta showed up with a drink in each hand. “What’s up, princess?” he asked, handing you your drink.

“I’m not feeling the balcony anymore.”

He peeked over your shoulder at the vacant balcony room behind you, giving you a look like you were crazy for ditching an awesome quieter spot compared to the floor below. “Come on! It’s empty and the view looks great.” He began walking in the direction of the balcony room until…

Noises were heard behind the closed doors.

He stopped in his tracks and realized why you were against the idea. A smirk made its way onto his face and he pointed an index finger at the room Taeyong was in, silently asking you if that was your reason.

You nodded.

Yuta strolled back to where you were fixed. “So you really are a virgin?”

You felt embarrassed. It sounded like you should have lost your v-card being a senior student. “Yeah…”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Y/N. I had a guess that you were when Joy talked about you.”

“It’s embarrassing.”

He shook his head, disagreeing with you. “No, it’s not. There’s nothing wrong with that. People have their reasons for doing it or not.”

That made you think about Taeyong. What was his reason? Was it just to satisfy his sexual desire? Was it something else?

“What’s your reason? Waiting for someone special?” he asked.

You did have your reason, but it wasn’t the one Yuta guessed. You were never interested in that special someone to come into your life and for that reason, you chucked the idea of ever having your first time out the window. Sure, one-night stands existed but losing your virginity to a complete stranger didn’t appeal to you. “No, I’m not waiting for anyone special. I am… like curious… but I wasn’t interested with any guy to… you know?”

He cocked his head to the side, amused. “I should have seen that coming. But are you still not into guys? Because…” he trailed off, pointing his thumb towards himself.

You raised an eyebrow. “Because…?”

He laughed. “Are you serious? Am I not handsome?”

Oh. For a brief moment, you thought he was implying you to have sex with him. You were almost positive that he was. To answer his question, “You are handsome, Yuta.” You remembered your first impression of his, debating whether to like him or not. After talking more with him, you realized he was only being nice to you and so you warmed up to him fairly quickly.

The pride he felt with your confession brought a huge smile on his face. “You do know how much it means for me to hear that from you, right? Any guy would die to hear that from you, princess.”

You frowned. “I don’t think that’s true.”

“Nonsense. Don’t sell yourself short. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he stated seriously.

It wasn’t that you thought you weren’t beautiful in your eyes. You were beautiful. But it was the thought of what if you weren’t attractive to the opposite sex that made you keep denying it, especially if they were only saying it to act polite. The way Yuta looked at you with soft sparkling eyes made your heart melt and so you believed his words.

Right at that time, you heard a door open and saw the girl with Taeyong earlier leave the room, followed by the boy himself. His skin was slightly flushed, couple of buttons on his shirt undone, and his hair a bit messier than before entering the room. He noticed you and Yuta standing afar and walked up to you both after sending a “see you later” to the girl. “Hey Yuta,” he greeted his friend first before acknowledging you. “Hi Y/N.”

And he did it again. Looking at you with his indifferent expression before turning to Yuta to exchange a few words. Your heart was beating so fast with your sight locked on his handsome yet intimidating side profile.

He looked at you for a brief moment, quietly muttering “see you later,” and made his way towards the staircase.

Your heart rate returned to normal after he left, but you were worried that it wasn’t going to be the last time seeing him that night. The untouched drink in your hand was the perfect solution to your concern and you downed it in one go, burning your throat.

- ❀ -

The next day, you and Joy went to their house after lunch. Joy had a review session with Johnny and Ten for math and while you knew Joy had put it off till her last year to finish the requirement, you were surprised that Johnny did the same. Ten being a year younger than them took the course at the same time in order to be with Johnny.

“Damn these first-year courses having huge lecture halls and being jam packed. We could have met earlier!” Ten whined.

“I know right!” Joy exclaimed.

You didn’t have anything else to do as your courses were fairly light for the first few weeks. The only thing in your agenda was your Korean quiz coming up in the middle of the week. For that, you had the word list saved on your phone to pull up easily. You tagged along with Joy hoping to hang around more with your new friends.

Johnny came back into the living room, looking nervous. “Uh guys, we have a problem. I can’t find the textbook.”

“What?! Hyung I trusted you!” It turned out that Ten didn’t purchase the textbook in order to save money. Why buy one when your friend had one?

“Oh no. I didn’t buy one thinking I can just go to the library and sign one out,” Joy said.

“We can just do that then. Go to the library,” Johnny suggested.

Ten groaned. “I hate libraries. It’s too quiet and serious. But we don’t have another choice, do we?”

Johnny only gave him a look, not saying anything.

With a sigh and an “okay,” Ten began gathering his stuff and shoving it in his backpack.

Johnny did the same and in the middle of it, he asked you, “Are you okay with library, Y/N?”

It was pointless to go there just to review off your phone. “No. Is anyone else here? Otherwise I’ll head home.”

Ten spoke up. “Mark is already at the library, the studious freshman he is. Yuta went out with his other friends. The only one left is Taeyong and he’s chilling in his room.”

Shit.

The conflict of deciding whether to stay or leave for home right at the moment was your fight-or-flight response talking. Taeyong was in the house. Alone. That thought made you want to fight and courageously talk to him and clear things up about his behaviour with you. Even though that idea had you panicky and wanting to flee, it had to be done because you wished to be on everyone’s good terms in the group.

“Okay. I’ll stay here then.”

Joy gave a you an unreadable look, which was a first. You could always read her no matter what the situation. But that moment had you guessing. Did she not like the idea of you being around Taeyong? Didn’t she say it was okay to be friends with him only? Was she worried for you? It was almost like she was warning you to be careful.

“Taeyong! We’re going to the library and Y/N will be here!” Johnny yelled up the stairs. There was no response.

“Hyung might have his headphones on.”

Nodding in agreement, Johnny said to you, “Okay Y/N. Feel free to make yourself at home. You’re welcome to have anything in the kitchen if hungry, watch or play on the TV. Anything. Understood?” He was making sure that you weren’t going to keep to yourself and feel like a stranger in the house.

“I’ll try,” you smiled at the heartfelt words.

Once ready they left, and you felt uneasy. You thought his mere presence just inches from you made your heart pump faster. But being alone in the house with him upstairs was slowly killing you.

You opted to sit on the couch and review the word list on your phone. After going through half the list, you hear a door open upstairs and soft footsteps making their way down the stairs. Your body stiffened, hands sweating, and the speed at which your blood was pumping made you feel a little lightheaded.

On his way to the kitchen, Taeyong froze in his tracks upon noticing a quiet girl on the couch.

You shifted your gaze to look at the flustered boy. He didn’t expect you to be alone.

“Hi,” you squeaked, your voice betraying you as if it had chosen the flight response and jumped out the window.

He recovered from the surprise and greeted you back. “Hi. Where are the others?”

You cleared your throat hoping your voice to come back and informed him of the situation.

He nodded in understanding. Ditching the reason for going to the kitchen in the first place, he walked to where you sat and settled down on the couch across from you. “You stayed,” he stated it in a way to indirectly question you the reason for your stay when no one else was downstairs.

You badly wanted to ask him something, but you were a little scared. Honestly, you were extremely terrified, but you didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t give any signs away whether he liked you or not. You couldn’t think of a single reason as to why he would hate you. If he liked you, as an acquaintance, then he was really good at hiding his emotions.

You cleared your throat again. “Taeyong, can I ask you something?”

He nodded.

Your heart was pounding against your chest, scared to hear his answer. “Do you not like me? I meant like... do you hate me?”

Taeyong’s eyes went big at your question. He never thought he was giving off that kind of message that made you think he hated you. He knew he wasn’t talking to you like the way others did. But it was for a reason that was opposite to not liking you. He really was into you and wanted to get to know you better. But his fear stopped him from talking to you.

He didn’t realize his silence was making you restless and made you jump to your conclusion. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what it is that made you not like me but if you let me know-”

“No! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to act the way I did. It’s just that I like you and I don’t know what you’ve heard about me and I don’t want to mess up and I- I really don’t know what to say.” He buried his head in his hands, frustrated that he couldn’t find it in him to explain himself clearly.

You on the other hand went still by his outburst. “You like me?”

His head shot up in alarm. “No no no! I mean yes but no not like that. I mean like friends.”

You let out a breath of relief and flashed a small yet sincere smile. Both from knowing that Taeyong liked you and as friends only. You were not ready for a confession that fast from a guy that you had met recently without much interactions, especially from the one that made you feel intimidated. After hearing that him not liking you wasn’t true and seeing his softer side through his rambling, your heart rate started to return to normal and you no longer felt uneasy around him like you did before.

His fingers became fidgety, nervously wanting to ask you something. “Have you heard about me?”

You didn’t know what to say for a moment. You didn’t want him to think that you were judging him from the little information Joy told you and what you saw last night. Nodding slowly, you said, “Kind of, but I want to hear it from you. I heard you have a lot of girls in your contacts.”

Taeyong half smiled at you. “You’re right I talk to girls. But…” He was trying to come up with the right words without making him sound like a fuckboy or player even if the case sounded like that. “I make it clear with them in the beginning that I only want to be friends with them, or even taking it further to being friends with benefits if they want. No relationships so I’m not playing with anyone’s heart.”

Oh. “So the girls that you talk to are only your friends?”

He flashed a smile. “Yes. I promise I’m not a fuckboy.”

It didn’t make sense to you. What was the big issue with that?

“I know what you’re thinking.” He looked down at his hands. “I seek something from them. And if I’m not getting it, I don’t talk to them.”

Personal gain? But not sex? “They’re not your true friends, are they?”

He shook his head. “Not like the boys.”

“What is it that you need from them?”

He closed his eyes, sort of wishing he never started the conversation. It made him feel vulnerable and open to you when he had only known you, well seen you for a day. No one had ever asked him for the truth. The boys would only assume it was what he wanted and they knew Taeyong would tell them if he was in a relationship. They would observe his behaviour around the girls and he never flirted in a way to mislead them. All the girls knew what he wanted, and those more obsessive would try their ways to win his heart in hopes of a commitment from him and earn the girlfriend title. But that never happened with the boundaries set beforehand. Whenever a case arose of a girl finding her significant other, it was the time for him to end the friendship. Call it friendships or flings, he didn’t know. He could care less because at the end of the day, all he sought from the girls were…

“Affection.”

Taeyong came from a damaged household where his parents were divorced when he was in middle school. Too busy with their own lives, neither of them gave him, their only child, the love and attention every child needed growing up. Ever since, he had been searching for it without getting into relationships. He didn’t want himself or the other person to get hurt in a commitment, and this was him speaking on behalf of his trauma.

Taeyong told you everything. As the conversation went on, he realized he was bleeding his heart out to you. He didn’t know why he was sharing his deepest fear with you, the one he had never told another living soul before. Maybe it was the way you were willing to listen to him and gently ask questions that wouldn’t prick his heart.

He trusted you and that scared him.

You were speechless after he finished talking, feeling guilty for considering that he was a fuckboy. Your heart ached from listening to the trauma he experienced as a little boy. “You must have been through a lot.”

When he looked at you, you lost your breath again. But this time for a different reason.

The tears in his eyes.

“I- I’m so so sorry Taeyong.” You felt extremely guilty for letting your curiosity get the best of you.

He wiped his tears away. “Don’t be. I’ve never opened up to anyone and now that I did... it feels kind of good.”

You felt your heart flip and were grateful to be the one soul that Taeyong confided in. “Can I ask you a question?”

He chuckled softly. “You’ve been doing that all this time.”

“Can we be friends?”

He blinked. “Do you mean friends like the other girls or real?”

“Real friends. Probably like the way I’ll be with the other boys here. A real friendship... like the way I’m with Joy.”

The smile that slowly made its way onto his face was the most beautiful smile that you had ever seen in your life. It made you want to have a one-on-one talk with your heart and stop confusing the hell out of you for it to pound in your chest again.

“I’d love that.”

- ❀ -

The day of your Korean quiz arrived and you were eager to put your Korean learning skills to test. After the class ended in the evening, you got into the passenger seat of Yuta’s car and Ten took a seat in the back.

“How was the quiz, guys?” you asked.

They were able to swiftly catch up from what they missed the first class. Ten went over the word list a few times while Yuta scanned over it once and never looked back at it.

“Easy peasy lemon squeezy,” Yuta said calmly. You laughed at his choice of words.

“Same but I might have made a mistake,” Ten laughed at himself, not worrying too much of the first quiz.

“You would make a mistake if it was in English too.”

“Hyung, you’re so mean!”

“Why would Ten?” you asked Yuta.

“He can speak five languages so his brain is scattered all over the place.”

You were mind blown by the learning ability of the boy sitting behind you. “Seriously Ten?”

“Oh yeah! My mother tongue is Thai, I grew up learning English, then I learned Korean from the boys, then a little Mandarin from my other friends, and I’m learning a little bit of Japanese from Yuta.”

Damn. This guy was impressive. “I’ll be really impressed if you do better on the Korean quiz than me.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Sure. On what?” You were confident that you aced it, so you were positive that you’d win the bet.

“When we all go out to a restaurant and bar, the loser gets drunk.”

You have never gotten drunk before, only ever having one drink and called it a night. The most that you had felt from alcohol was feeling tipsy as you were more on the lightweight side. The idea of getting drunk for the first time with your friends around to keep you safe sounded like a good bet.

That was if you lost.

“Deal.”

Arriving at their house, you walked in to find Taeyong playing a game on the TV. He noticed you and paused the game. “Hey guys,” he greeted with his soft eyes landing on you, melting your heart a little.

“Hey hyung! What are you up to?” Ten asked, throwing himself on the couch beside him.

“Playing for a bit before going out.”

“Ooo~ Who are you seeing?” Ten wiggled his eyebrows.

“Mel.”

“That hot girl? How are you not dating her already?”

Taeyong looked at you with a knowing look and didn’t say anything. As if on cue, a notification chimed making Taeyong pick up his phone. He stood up immediately and began walking to the front door. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Have fun hyung! Be safe!” Ten teased.

Taeyong rolled his eyes at him and shifted his gaze onto you, sending a genuine smile before turning on his heels.

Your heart fluttered at the smile he sent your way. You liked seeing this side of Taeyong a lot, soft and smiling, unlike his previous cold self. This was the result of your courageous encounter the other day and you were quite proud of yourself to have resolved the matter with him.

“Okay guys! Let’s study Korean!” Ten shouted.

“Say that in Korean, you coward,” Yuta said.

“Hangukmareul kongbuhapsida!” Ten stuck his tongue out at Yuta.

“You didn’t translate ‘Okay guys!’”

Ten searched for something inside his backpack, retrieving a pair of scissors and chased after Yuta.

- ❀ -

The next few weeks, you spent time hanging out with the boys even in Joy’s absence. You would play Mario Kart on the TV with them, smiling proudly at the end for coming first place after one of the rounds. The shocked face on Ten riled him up and promised himself to beat you in the next round.

You had been getting closer to Taeyong, feeling super comfortable around him to the point you’d occasionally hang out in his bedroom. Only hangouts, nothing else of that sort. He was full of surprises and so out of all the boys, you spent the most amount of time with him. His bedroom was super tidy and clean, numerous small plants sat on a multi-tier plant stand, candles of different scents and some colouring supplies on a dresser, a pair of headphones and laptop with a few books and a Febreze spray on the desk, and a series of Polaroid photos hanging off the strings on the wall. The vibe of his room was so serene that you wished you could live there.

How you had gone from staying away from boys to coolly laying beside one on his bed was beyond your brain’s ability to comprehend.

Sometimes Taeyong would cook a meal in the kitchen and the shocking part for you was that he’d take the time to decorate it like 5-star restaurants would.

You took a spoonful of bibimbap into your mouth. “Oh my goodness! This tastes so delicious, Tae!” The flavours bursting inside your mouth had you wiggling a happy dance.

Taeyong laughed his heart out. “I’m glad.” His heart was happily drinking up your animated self, devouring the food he prepared with all his heart. He didn’t realize he was staring at you longer than he should, not realizing that he was growing a deep tender affection for you.

- ❀ -

Your Korean teaching assistant had returned the graded quizzes at the end of class. You noticed two errors in your writing and your heart sank. “Dammit,” you cursed in your head. You were so confident in your Hangul writing that you expected a perfect score.

Ten nudged your elbow. “So Y/N, what did you get?”

“Two mistakes,” you said in a gloomy tone.

His eyes widen in excitement for beating you. “I got one! I won the bet! Yes!” He began throwing punches in the air.

“You didn’t beat me.”

“Shut up hyung! You weren’t even part of the bet.”

As much as you were excited to get drunk for the first time in your life, you were worried. After you told Joy about the bet, she told you a fair number of stories of how people acted when drunk. What if you said or did something wrong? “You all will take care of me right?”

Yuta snorted. “Is that even a question? Of course we will! Why? How is our princess when she’s drunk?” he teasingly asked you.

“Uh... I’ve never gotten drunk.”

They both looked at you as if you had grown a third head.

“No way!” Ten couldn’t believe you. “How can you not have by now? It’s something everyone would have done in high school or freshman year. Even Mark has.”

You shrugged. “I just never went out of my way to drink like that.”

Yuta looked genuinely concern. “Are you okay getting drunk? This is something no one should pressure you into as well.”

You nodded. “Yeah I am. I’m curious to know how it’s like to get drunk, and if it’s with you guys, I feel better.”

“Exactly hyung! Otherwise she shouldn’t have agreed to the bet. And wait, what do you mean as well?”

You knew Yuta was referring to your v-card but Ten not knowing had you confused. “You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“I’m a virgin.”

“YOU’RE WHAT?” Talk about getting two shocking facts in a row.

“I thought Yuta would have told you.”

Yuta made a gesture of him zipping his lips. “I don’t go around spreading news about someone’s privacy. I’m a gentleman. Unlike someone.” He hinted at Ten.

“Hyung!”

“Now that Ten knows, everyone’s gonna know. Sorry Y/N.”

Ten crossed his arms. He knew it was true. It was hard to keep secrets in his stomach. “I’m not gonna go around campus and announce it.”

“I know. Even if it’s just inside the house, you’re still spreading it.”

After the talk with Yuta at the party, you weren’t feeling embarrassed like you used to. As long as it stayed within your friends. “It’s okay. Shouldn’t friends know anyway?”

- ❀ -

The news did spread, and thankfully only within the walls of their house. Johnny had seen it coming, Mark was baffled and didn’t know what to do with the information, and Taeyong was shocked.

You were laying on your stomach on Taeyong’s bed, reading through your notes for a course. Taeyong was sitting by his desk working on his laptop. Your mind kept going back to the virginity conversations. You’d be lying if your desires and curiosity weren’t growing inside you. Hanging out with handsome boys had made you feel things in your body that you had never experienced in your previously dull life.

Hesitancy was getting the best of you to ask something from Taeyong. You didn’t want to make your friend feel awkward with your inquiry. But you didn’t want to ask him after having some alcohol in order to have more courage. You wanted to be sober and fully alert.

“Tae?” you called to him quietly.

He stopped typing and turned to you. Seeing your worried facial expression, he grew concerned. “What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”

You grew restless and you shifted your body weight to sit upright. With a deep breath, you said something that you never thought you’d say in your life.

“I want to have sex.”

You caught him off guard so hard that he began choking on air. After recovering from the initial shock, he gathered his thoughts and quietly asked, “With who?”

You bit your lip and shrugged. To be honest, you didn’t have anyone in mind, but you wanted to make sure it was someone you could rely on and be gentle with you. “I wanted to ask you if you know any guy who’d be interested in my first time. Someone who’s not going to be rough and won’t make me feel uncomfortable. Do you know anyone?”

Taeyong could hear his heart cry for how innocent you looked asking him. He didn’t want to say any other guy’s name other than himself. He could tell by your face that it terrified you to end up in the wrong bed, and he knew he would take things easy to make you feel intimate and comfortable. “I do know someone.”

Smiling excitedly, you asked who.

A brief silence from Taeyong before he confidently answered. “Me.”

Your face fell. Of course, you’d be over the moon to have the benefits with your friend, but you weren’t sure if it was the best idea. A warning bell rang in your brain to not go for it, but your heart wanted to. Taeyong was fast becoming a dear friend like Joy, and the thought of Joy had you remembering her words.

Anything more than friends.

This was still within the friendship boundary, so you didn’t think it was going to be an issue.

He observed your fallen expression and began panicking. “I mean you don’t have to with me. I can say someone else’s name. I’m not trying to take advantage of-”

“Tae!”

He stopped rambling. He feared his friendship with you was going to become awkward and regretted suggesting himself to you. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, his head hanging low.

You on the other hand were slowly killing off the warning in your head and went to jump onto your heart’s desire. “No Tae. I’d like that.”

His head shot up to see if his ears heard you right. You smiled warmly, getting excited for your first time with a boy that you had been growing fond of.

As a friend.

“Are you sure?” Taeyong searched your face for any signs of discomfort and failed.

You nodded. “If it’s with you, I don’t think I’ll regret it.”

A fond smile grew on his face. “You won’t.”

After staring into each other’s eyes for a while, you had enough with the wait. “Can we right now?”

Taeyong chuckled at your eagerness. He got up from his chair and sat closer to you on the bed. He held your face in his gentle hands, admiring your innocence up close before placing his lips on yours.

- ❀ -

Ever since then, you and Taeyong had been spending even more time together. Whether it’d be in his bedroom, meeting up at random spots on campus, going out to different places for food and entertainment, and even going over to your apartment.

You’d both stay up and watch movies with Taeyong being a sucker for romance. You weren’t that being of a romance fan but only agreed to watch his reactions throughout the movie. He’d have a huge smile plastered on his face whenever the lead couple would have cute interactions, and tears rolled down whenever a heartbreaking scene occurred. He would seek comfort by clinging onto your arm and laying his head on your shoulder. Your heart did a flip every time he snuggled up to you. Sometimes he’d stay over for the night and when Joy noticed how intimate Taeyong had gotten with you, she thought it was time for her to do something.

The more and more Taeyong spent his time with you, the less and less he went out with his other female friends. He loved every second with you, craving to only be with you. Your friendship with him was at a level where he took every opportunity he could find to pat your head, hold your hand, give you kisses on the cheek, lay his head on your lap, and pull you into hugs when saying your hellos and goodbyes. You viewed all this in a friendly manner of course, for Taeyong to express his emotionally sensitive side to you, the love he had for you as a close friend. It was a total contrast to your first impression of him and you loved it.

After midterms were over, Taeyong suggested for the two of you to hang out at a café he discovered recently. You walked in, your jaw dropping in awe of the beauty that laid in front of you. The café was decorated from head to toe with various types of flowers. Every wall either had paintings or hanging flowers while baskets or vases of specific varieties sat on every table. Alongside the coffee and baked goods menu, there was a menu for all the types of flowers for purchase, whether as single flowers or bouquets.

Taeyong had brought you to a flower café and you loved it.

“Wow...” you whispered.

You shook out of your daze once you felt a gentle hand on your back, guiding you towards the counter.

After receiving your order for an iced americano and Taeyong for a strawberry cold drink, you both sat down by a table of magenta lilacs neatly organized in a white basket.

You took a sip of your bitter drink while adoring the flower basket. “They’re beautiful,” you said quietly to not disturb their beauty.

Taeyong agreed silently. Not as beautiful as you, he thought. You were always ready to give emotional support to your friends and offer your shoulder for someone to lean or cry on. But never once did you talk about yourself. He wanted to get to know you, not just on the surface but on the inside as well. “Tell me about yourself.”

You directed your eyes at the boy across you and laughed. “What is this? An interview?”  

He shook his head being serious. “I only know your present.”

“And that’s all you need to know.” You didn’t like where Taeyong was going with his words.

He sighed loudly and leaned forward to take your free hand gently, drawing circles with his thumb on the back of your hand. “I care about you, Y/N.”

He didn’t just care about you. He was falling for you. But he wasn’t going to confess his love for you just yet. His trauma from adolescence years still haunted him whenever he thought about commitments.

You leaned back slightly irritated. “I know but I- I... I don’t want to talk about it,” you muttered.

You wanted to forget about your past, have the memories buried so deeply inside your brain that it’d be hard to ever retrieve them. It was why you never shared it with Joy. What was done was done, and it was only better to focus on the present. You tried to live your present without using the past as a reason. But it was exactly what you did to avoid boys.

He smiled softly in understanding. He knew better as he had done the same before you came in his life. “Okay but remember I’m always here for you.”

- ❀ -

The night finally arrived when your squad went to a restaurant and bar. This meant that you were about to fulfill the bet that you had lost to Ten. Joy had you snack a little in advance to prevent you from unfavourable effects of drinking that night.  

“I can’t believe I’m going to see my cute innocent Y/N get drunk for the first time tonight!” Joy gushed, squealing and clapping her hands in excitement.

“Ten, good job for winning that bet. Though it’s a shame that I can’t see you dance on the table,” Johnny said.

Ten scoffed. “Please, I’m always ready to dance. You just have to dare me.”

“But hyung drunk and dancing is like on a whole nother level,” Mark commented.

A devilish smirk formed on Ten’s face. “Should I get drunk too?”

“Not tonight. The spotlight is supposed to be on Y/N. Plus we don’t want Ten to start stripping his clothes off in front of the ladies,” Yuta said.

Joy took a sharp intake of breath. “I want to see that.”

While the rest were debating whether or not Ten should get drunk along with you, you were beginning to feel anxious. Your legs shook under the table as stories of drunken people that Joy shared with you started haunting you. You hoped you wouldn’t do something that would make you regret it later.

Taeyong noticed your jittery disposition beside him and placed a hand on your thigh, calming you down a bit. You looked up to meet his concerned eyes. “Are you okay?”

You really were okay, especially being around friends who cared for you. You trusted them to keep you safe. “I am.” You genuinely flashed a smile, lessening his worry.

The drinks arrived for everyone, your friends going for cocktails while shots of liquor were prepared for you. Taeyong chose to not drink, volunteering to be the designated driver and making sure you were safe.

“Okay girl! It’s showtime!” Joy cheered and the rest of your friends shouted with encouragements.

After a deep breath in and out, you downed the first shot. You closed your eyes as you felt your throat burn immediately, all the anxiety leaving your body.

“Holy shit! Her neck is turning red,” Ten commented clearly amused.

After downing a few more shots consecutively, you stopped for a moment when your head was beginning to spin a little out of control, almost making you fall off your seat.

Taeyong noticed it and thought that you had enough drinks. He brought his hand closer to the remaining shots and began sliding it further from you until you stopped his hand and grabbed another shot, bottoms up.

“Y/N I think-”

“No!” You cut him off by shouting loudly. He was taken aback by your outburst, and you took this opportunity to down another shot. This time, you stood up from your seat and slammed your hands on the table. “I’ll do what I want!”

The others grew concerned, fearing that you’d drink more than your body could handle. Only Ten was having a blast watching your wasted self.

Joy decided to interfere. “Y/N, that’s enough drinks-”

Everyone was alarmed to see tears rolling down your face. You stumbled a bit backwards before regaining your stance. A few of your friends stood up on instincts to help you out, but you yelled at them. “Sit back down!”

They instantly sat back down and threw worried glances at one another, silently trying to figure out what would be the best course of action. “Y/N, are you okay?” Johnny asked you as gentle as possible, not wanting to stir you up even more.

“No!” you exclaimed before lowering your voice to a soft murmur. “No...”

Mark spoke up. “What’s wrong, noona?”

“My heart.” Thanks to the liquor, you weren’t going to stop yourself. “Why...”

“Why what, noona?”

“Why can’t I...” You grew silent again, focusing on the feeling of the alcohol running in your blood.

“What is it, Y/N?” Joy asked in a soft voice.

“Why can’t I trust my heart to fall in love?”

Taeyong and Joy took the biggest blow from your words. All this time, Joy thought you weren’t simply interested in relationships. She never knew there was a trust issue involved. Meanwhile, Taeyong felt his heart crack badly. He already had his own personal trauma to overcome for his love, and you having one as well was like trying to break through a double layered brick wall before a happy ending was possible.

You had enough with the enclosed environment and wanted to get some fresh air in your lungs. You kicked your chair back for more room, walking in a not so straight line. Your friends were about to get up again until you yelled, “No one follow me!”

They were all tensed, watching you carefully from their seats and not lose sight of you. When you left the restaurant, Joy stood up with plans to follow you. But Taeyong had beaten her and sprinted out the building, leaving Joy stunned.

Outside, Taeyong caught up to you and pulled your arm, halting your steps. He was shocked to see your crying face.

“Y/N.”

“Tae, I’m scared to fall in love.” You fell to the ground and sobbed your heart out in front of your friend.

His heart shattered into a million pieces. As much as he was dying to know what happened for you to say such a thing, he had to push his curiosity away and comfort you. He bent down to his knees and pulled you into his arms. You fully leaned into his embrace and sobbed. He held you tightly, patting your head gently and kissing the top of your head, hoping to calm you down.

“I’m scared. What if he turns out bad?”

“Shh... I’m here,” he shushed, stopping the bad thoughts from forming in your head.

“I want to fall in love... I want someone to love me,” you cried.

Taeyong hesitated. You were drunk, most likely to forget the events of the night. He wanted to confess. In any other situation, both his and your troubled pasts would have made him bit his tongue back.

But at that moment, he wished with all his heart that you would forget his words once sober.

“I’m in love with you, Y/N.”

The words were clear enough for you clinging onto him for dear life, and Joy who stood at a distance behind him.

- ❀ -

You woke up in your bed with a pounding headache. Getting out of bed really slow, you shuffled your feet in the direction of the kitchen, finding Joy by the cooktop.

“Morning!” she chirped. “Have this,” she pointed at the glass filled with cool water on the counter.

“Mmm, that smells so good,” you moaned, its delicious scent hitting your nose.

Joy smiled. “Of course it would. I’m a better cook than you,” she teased.

You didn’t have the energy to retort back and instead asked her something more important.

“What happened last night?”

Joy paused. Considering the amount of alcohol you consumed, it was no shocker that you wouldn’t remember anything. She secretly wished that you’d forget the happenings of the previous night for two things.

One: because of what you said. She wasn’t mad. She could never be with you because you were too precious for her. She thought back to when she asked you why you weren’t willing to invest yourself in boys. She trusted you that you were saying the truth when you simply weren’t into relationships. People had different outlooks on life. But there was a really small chance that made Joy think you were putting up a tough act to suppress your emotions. And she was right when the alcohol had let you speak your heart that you never did when sober.

And two: Taeyong. Joy didn’t trust him when he confessed his love for you. She didn’t know whether he ‘loved’ you like the other girls or it was a love that ran much deeper. After hearing your drunken words, if you had remembered Taeyong’s words, then you were going to feel troubled.

“Shit, did I do something bad?” you asked worriedly.

“No no. You were interesting, bossing over us,” she giggled. It was quite a contrast to see her usually quiet friend being all loud and demanding when drunk.

“Huh?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Joy laughed at your puzzled expression.

“Okay,” you chose to believe her. “But did anything else happen?” Something was eating inside you, trying to tell you that there was more to the night than what she was implying.

She shook her head, forcing a genuine smile on her face to the best of her ability. “Nothing else happened.” She felt guilty lying to you for the first time, but it was only for your best interest.

You didn’t have another choice but to accept her words. You pushed the unpleasant feeling aside and drank the prepared glass of water.

- ❀ -

When Taeyong hung out with you next time, he didn’t notice any changed behaviour from you. He formed his speculation that you did not have a recollection of your intoxicated night. He felt relieved to have the friendship not change, but it also pained him to carry his unrequited love silently.

It was a month before the exam period and you both waited in your bedroom for the exam schedule to come out any minute on your devices. You only had two finals while Taeyong had three. When the schedule appeared, you searched for your courses and went into brief shock, stunned by the great news that you had your fingers crossed for.

“Tae! Both of mine are on the first day!” You began dancing around the room full of joy.

He laughed at your happy form and searched for his courses on the list. “Awe man, mine are all near the end.”

You paused to take in his words. “Oh. So you won’t be able to come with me.”

“Come where?”

“To South Korea.”

He felt his blood run cold. “Why South Korea?”

You smiled, lost in your thoughts on the dream that was close to becoming a reality. “I wanted to go on a trip there during this winter break if I got at least three weeks of free time. I didn’t think it was actually gonna happen but now that it is, I’m so excited,” you squealed, so over the moon that you were oblivious to Taeyong’s fallen face.

“You’ll be gone for three weeks?”

You thought for a moment. “Actually, the winter term doesn’t start till the second week of January, so I’ll go for a whole month. Wow, I didn’t think this was ever gonna happen. Isn’t this so exciting Tae?” You were jumping on the spot with all sorts of ideas rushing in your mind of what you’d plan to do there. You had already made a list of things to do but with the additional time granted, you were going to perform more research and travel to other regions in the country. Travelling to South Korea in the winter was just one of the experiences you wanted before going there for the warmer season. You wanted to witness the beautiful snow covering the outskirts of the regions, see the Christmas decorations and lighting festivals, and enjoy the warm meals and beverages to battle the cold. You knew the adrenaline rush that you were feeling for your adventure wasn’t going to let you sleep that night. Or in fact many nights until the big day.

Taeyong should have been happy for you, but he felt his heart break with only one thought on continuous loop in his mind.

A month. Without you.

- ❀ -

Joy was so happy to hear your good news, knowing how much you were looking forward to this trip. But neither her nor your friends would be able to join you because of their exam schedules. This meant that it was going to be your first ever solo adventure, which made you feel both nervous and excited for.

The closer the exam period got, the more restless Taeyong’s heart became. He was so used to seeing you almost every day that it was cruel to have you ripped out of his life for a month.

You spent every day updating your trip plans to make sure you had enough free days to relax in between your full agenda. Yes, you had your finals to study for and you made sure to get your review sessions in before you treated yourself to planning.

When the day arrived for you to complete your two finals back to back, you thought you were going to die. But your papers went a lot smoother than you predicted and that added onto your happiness for the big day in less than 48 hours.

Your flight to South Korea.

- ❀ -

Your squad came to drop you off at the airport and wished you well on your big trip.

“Wow Y/N, travelling on your own requires some serious guts. I hope you have a blast,” Johnny said.

“Yeah and keep in touch whenever you get a chance,” Ten added.

“I will,” you promised with a smile.

Mark checked his watch. “It’s almost time for your flight, noona.”

You nodded. Grabbing the handle of your luggage, you were caught off guard from Yuta attacking you with a gentle hug. “Good luck princess. If you need help with anything, I know Seoul better than these boys do.”

Ten rolled his eyes. “As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right.”

“I’m always right. Even about Mark farting.”

“HYUNG!”

You giggled, “Okay.”

After Yuta let you go, Joy jumped in to give you a crushing hug. “Have lots of fun, girl. Video call me no matter what the time is, okay?”

“Okay.”

You haven’t heard the voice of one boy yet. He was silently watching you from afar as you said your goodbye to everyone. You let go of your suitcase and walked over to Taeyong. His eyes were trained on you, slightly red and puffy. You guessed his state was due to sleep deprivation for exam preparations.

You didn’t know he cried all night, not ready to face a month without you.

You encircled your arms around his neck and brought him closer to your body, resting your chin on his shoulder. “Make sure to sleep well. I’ll call you too. Eat well too. I know you’re neglecting your health right now.” You could tell he lost some weight, feeling his boney structure. Nonetheless, he still radiated the warmth you treasured from him.

Taeyong couldn’t think about eating properly or sleeping well. He was even struggling to prepare for his finals. All he wanted was to see you, touch you, be with you.

His eyes were beginning to sting and at last raised his arms to rest around your waist, pulling you closer to his chest. He was doing his very best to stop the tears from flowing down his face. This was supposed to be a very happy moment for you and he didn’t want you worrying about him.

“As much as I’d hate to split you up, Y/N is going to miss her flight if we hold her back any longer.”

Upon hearing Joy’s voice, you pulled away from him. Just as you turned away from him, you felt his hand desperately grasp yours. You turned to look back at him. “I hope you’ll be happy,” he spoke ever so softly, his words different from the plea held in his eyes.

You slid your hand out of his grasp and turned your back to him. Grabbing the handle of your suitcase, you walked in the direction of your flight’s terminal, daring yourself to not look back with the tug you felt at your heartstrings.

- ❀ -

On the road that shines exceptionally

Standing there, I am waiting for you

It’s not cold

When you are in my arms, I can feel the warmth

 It had been four days. Four long days since you left. Your friends understood the first couple were spent on the flight and at the airports. But Taeyong hoped for you to have at least messaged him when you’d reach your accommodation or when having your first meal. His mind was on overdrive, thinking of all the scary possibilities that could have happened to you.

Joy was worried too but she understood that you were trying to adjust to the new environment without stressing out about too many things. The apartment felt lonely without you and she decided to spend most of her days and nights at the boys’ house, developing feelings along the way for the first tall man she met at the party.

 You’re my everything

I want to protect your days and nights

You are a miracle to me, I wish you could see it

Spreading all over me, a gift called you

You’re my night and day

Waiting for you in this street, drawing you again

 Another two days had passed not hearing from you. With a heavy heart, Taeyong dragged his feet to the flower café that had recently become your favourite place to relax and bloom again. Your love for flowers grew every time you stepped into the café and your sparkling eyes always made his heart flutter.

Arriving at the counter, Taeyong forced himself to order a slice of cake and a drink after thinking back at your words.

Eat well too. I know you’re neglecting your health right now.

After picking up his meal, he scanned his eyes around the interior. The table with the basket of magenta lilacs was unoccupied and he made a beeline to it. He reminisced the day he brought you to the café for the first time.

They’re beautiful. Your voice echoed in his head, referring to the lilacs.

He stared long at the clustered petals, lost in his thoughts. He had always sought for tender affection from other girls, without getting too committed to them.

You were a miracle in his life. He didn’t see you like the other girls where he only received. He wanted to give you everything. His love, attention, warmth, touch, happiness. If he could give you his happiness in replacement to taking your sadness, he’d do it. He’d do anything to make you happy.

The more he stared at the magenta lilacs, the more it became clearer. He wanted to jump on his trauma and get even closer to you.

By means of a relationship.

And at that moment, he had one person to talk to.

 An unusually long day

But it’s not too bad because you’re warm

Just like that, with nothing to do

I can live just like that

 Joy finally received your video call a whole week after you left. You apologized and explained that there was a baggage delay, complicating your trip temporarily without all your belongings at hand. You were so stressed of the unexpected situation that it slipped out of your mind to keep in touch with your friends. Instead, you tried to focus on surviving those days with limited essentials in your handbag and things that you purchased from the convenience store.

Taeyong heard the news from Joy during lunch with her at a diner. He was relieved that nothing terrible happened to you apart from the baggage delay. Though it did hurt him that you couldn’t think to contact him as well.

But you going through a tough time when it was supposed to be a happy trip is more painful, he thought.

“I don’t think you wanted lunch with me just to hear about Y/N.” Joy narrowed her eyes on Taeyong.

He knew Joy didn’t trust him. When he confessed his love for you, Joy had butted in, separating your sobbing mess from him. She warned him to never utter those words unless he wanted to trouble you. Taeyong understood and had assured her that it was only because you were drunk and he wanted to comfort you by speaking the truth. Ever since then, they both wished that you’d never regained memory of that night.

He took a deep breath in, composing himself for the intention of the meeting. “I don’t want Y/N to be unhappy.”

Joy sighed. “Are you emotionally blackmailing me?”

He shook his head, feeling a thorn prick at his heart. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy getting Joy’s permission. “No I’m not.”

“What makes you think I can trust you and not have you hurt her?”

Silence.

Saying that he loved you wasn’t a satisfying reason for Joy. She needed Taeyong to prove it to her that he wasn’t going to hurt you. After a long debate in his head, he decided to tell her the truth. “I run away at the thought of commitments in the name of love. Because of my parents’ divorce.”

The news threw Joy off. Then why are you after my Y/N, she thought.

“Y/N knows everything and asked to be friends with me for real and not like with the other girls. We spent a lot of hanging out, both outside and inside the house. We’d hang out in the living room, the kitchen when I’d cook for us, in my bedroom. We spent so much time together that I didn’t know I started falling for her,” he admitted.

Taeyong was met with her silence as she collected her thoughts, making one thing stand out to her. “Did you have sex with her?”

His eyes enlarged from the unexpected inquiry. “Yes.”

Joy raised an eyebrow, questioning if his feelings really were real for you. “The confession happened after you two had sex?”

“Ye-” He realized his mistake without thinking beforehand and began panicking. “No! It’s not what you think. Please!”

She laughed bitterly at him. “You had sex with her and you claim that you’re in love because it was probably the best sex of your life. Your past is sad Taeyong. You have problems and I feel bad for you. I really do. But don’t drag Y/N into your mess.” Joy was ready to leave and be done with the conversation until she heard his next words.

“You’re wrong. It’s not because of sex.”

She chuckled darkly. “Oh really? Please enlighten me,” she said, flashing a fake smile at him and crossed her arms.

He gulped. He was close to drawing the last straw that would make Joy turn her back on him and never give him another chance. “The sex did bring us even closer together. We became more intimate with each other. But even then I was still scared to confess to her because my fear was still there.”

Joy wanted to believe Taeyong. Without forming much biased thoughts, she continued listening.

“After Y/N left for her trip, I lost all appetite to eat. I can’t sleep at night with my heart longing for her. I’m trying to focus on my final preps but I can’t stop thinking about her. I even stopped talking to other girls because I only love her. I got myself to eat only after reminding myself that Y/N wanted me to eat well. And that was especially at the café Y/N loved to go.”

It was at this moment when Joy started to believe his feelings for you.

“What if... what if I tried to get myself to cope with my trauma so that I can be in a relationship with her instead of forever living my life in fear? I know that Y/N has a trust issue that I don’t know about. But what if I can help her get over her fear too? What if my efforts to bring us together officially can make her finally... happy?”

No noise was heard from Joy. Her brain was raking through all the mentioned possibilities. If Taeyong could break through the walls of your heart, the fruitful outcome would be an epitome of love.

“Okay Taeyong. You have my support, but I won’t forgive you if you hurt her.”

 It seemed to be nevеr-ending

At the end of thе long wait

You’re the one

 One month had passed, meaning it was time for your friends to pick you up at the airport’s arrival department. Taeyong could feel his heart beating erratically when it was time for the passengers from your flight to collect their baggages and exit. When his eyes found you, he didn’t prepare his heart for an unexpected shock.

You walked out, searching for your friends with your suitcase at hand. You spotted them, waving eagerly, and walked over to them. But you weren’t alone. Beside you was a young handsome man that almost made Joy swoon if it wasn’t for her feelings for another man. More than the boy having breathtaking looks, she was shocked to see you interact with him.

“Woah... is that guy...” Mark trailed off, unbelieving his sight.

You, a girl who had never befriended a guy on your own, were talking to one in close proximity.

“Wow, he’s so hot.” Ten practically had heart eyes.

“He is,” Johnny agreed.

Yuta loved to brag about his handsome looks but he was stunned by the stranger beside you. “Yeah, and Y/N that close to him means there’s something going on between them.”

Taeyong didn’t want to agree with the others but they were right. The stranger was very handsome, and there could be something going on. That latter thought made his heart break. After what felt like a never-ending wait for you to come back, he was excited to take things slow with you and win your trust for a relationship. However, all his plans had jumped out the window and he felt his eyes sting.

Especially when you linked your arm with the fair-skinned boy.

“Welcome back girl!” Joy attacked you for a bear hug when you neared them.

You laughed hugging her back. You greeted everyone, leaving the boy you had been dying to see again for last. You faced Taeyong and hugged him like you did before your departure. “Hi Tae. I hope you’re doing well,” you whispered in his ear, rubbing his back in a soothing manner.

He closed his eyes in efforts to keep his tears at bay and returned the hug, muttering a soft hello.

You pulled back, smiling at him before grabbing the arm of your new friend for introduction. “Guys, this is Jaehyun. I met him during the trip and he’s here for the study abroad program at our university this term.”

You introduced Jaehyun to everyone one by one. When Jaehyun was officially introduced to Taeyong, he noticed Taeyong fidget with his fingers tensely and a small smirk formed on Jaehyun’s face.

“We can drop you off Jaehyun. Where are you living?” Johnny asked.

Jaehyun hadn’t found an off-campus accommodation yet, thanks to the fact that it was the middle of the middle of the school year. He didn’t want to be stuck in the dorms on campus and his initial plan was to stay at a hotel as he had the money for that.

But why hotel when he could live with you?

“I was gonna ask Joy if it’s okay for Jaehyun to stay at our place until he finds one. I’ll give my room to him and sleep with you,” you suggested to her.

“Oh yeah that’s great with me! I get to cuddle with my Y/N,” Joy giggled.

Taeyong didn’t like the idea one bit. “Why should a guy live with the girls?”

Johnny agreed with him. “You’re right. Jaehyun live with us. And I mean for the term.”

A pang at Taeyong’s heart. He was not looking forward to seeing Jaehyun’s face every day. But it’s better than him being close to Y/N, he thought.

“But hyung, we don’t have a spare room,” Mark said.

“You’re shifting to Yuta’s room. He has a bigger bed.”

“Wow great idea! Mark can be my cuddle buddy!”

Mark groaned at the thought of Yuta clinging to him all night.

- ❀ -

“You what?” Joy couldn’t believe what she was hearing from you.

“I remember that night.”

The boys dropped you and Joy off at your apartment before heading for their house. You dragged Joy to the couch and told her the news.

You weren’t mad at Joy. In fact you were thankful. If you had known before your trip, you would have felt awkward to see Taeyong and avoided him, which would have made you sad. You loved and always looked forward to spending time with him. And so after remembering the words you blurted out that night, you understood Joy jumped in to protect you from getting hurt.

You felt blessed to have a friend like Joy.

“Thank you Joy,” you smiled genuinely at her.

She was relieved that you weren’t mad at her. “When did you remember?”

“Right before I met Jaehyun. And he knows.”

“He knows?”

“I told him about Taeyong.”

During your trip, you couldn’t stop thinking about Taeyong, especially after your regained memory. You were so confused as to whether you should be happy or not that you decided to not contact him altogether. Though the more you ignored him, the more the tightness in your chest grew. Jaehyun noticed your behaviour and asked you what was wrong. For some reason, you trusted Jaehyun in your secrets and told him everything about you and Taeyong.

She lifted her hand to stop you from talking further. “Okay hold up. How are you so chill around Jaehyun?”

Yes, that was a question that you had asked yourself when you had acquainted him upon first meeting. “He helped me get through my tough time there and it was just a coincidence that he was going to be coming here for the term. I guess thanks to you, I was more comfortable becoming friends with him. Plus, brownie points for being handsome,” you joked.

Joy felt her heart blossom for her close friend to finally interact with a boy without her help this time. “Wow Y/N, I never thought I’d see this day come.”

“Me neither.”

A question lingered inside her. “What now with Taeyong? Are you going to feel awkward with him?” Joy wasn’t necessarily worried for Taeyong because her priority was you.

The trip bought you time to think about what you were going to do with his confession floating around your heart. Over the course of your trip, your heart slowly accepted your feelings for him. It was all thanks to your time apart from him to realize how much you missed him and loved him. You craved for Taeyong’s warmth, both physically and emotionally, and that was enough for you to stop running away from your true feelings and give Taeyong a chance. You still remembered Taeyong’s trauma and you guessed it was the reason why he only confessed to you when drunk, so that you would forget about it and move on like nothing happened.

“No I won’t be awkward with him. I love him too Joy.”

She gaped at you. “Seriously? Like in love with him?”

You nodded. “Yes, I’m in love with him.”

Her eyes became wet with tears almost spilling out. This was the best news she had heard from you till this date. You... in love. “Y/N do you have any idea how that makes me feel? After all this time I’ve been worried about you. After that night you got drunk... and I just... it hurt that you were...”

You laughed quietly. “You’re literally the bestest friend I’ve ever had. Seriously Joy, if I had said this to someone else, they would be so happy. And then there’s you, crying,” you teased.

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. “Well as much as I missed you, something good happened while you were gone.”

She told you of her talk with Taeyong, telling you how much of an effect your absence had on him. Your heart bloomed when you heard that he missed you a lot and had listened to you to eat his meals, even going to your favourite café because he missed you so much.

“Then it’s final. Once I find the right time, I’m going to ask him out.”

- ❀ -

“Why can’t Ten move to your room? Your bed is bigger too!”

“Joy stays over in my room sometimes. I’m not having a threesome with Ten,” Johnny stated with a serious face.

Mark scowled, not liking the idea of Yuta clinging to him and kissing his cheeks at every opportunity he could find.

“Hurry off now. Don’t leave our new housemate waiting in the living room all day. Go clean up and shift to Yuta’s room.”

With a grumble, he stomped his way to fulfill his older brother’s command.

Well at least there was one other person in the house who didn’t like the idea of Jaehyun living there.

While waiting for Mark to empty his room out, the rest of the boys sat on the couches to get to know their new housemate with Taeyong sitting the furthest away.

“So Jaehyun, do you get girls falling for your looks?” Ten excitedly asked, finally getting the chance to ask him that.

Why was that the first thing he got asked out of everything? But it really was a big question. “Yes, and not just girls but guys too. Too many to count.” Back in high school, he’d receive gifts on his desk in the form of food from his secret admirers, usually his favourite bread and milk. He would also have the exterior of his locker be taped with numerous heart shaped notes.

“Wow...” Yuta breathed out. “It kind of sounds like Taeyong but with his girl friends.”

Taeyong didn’t want the wrong impression from the boys and so he revealed the news. “I cut ties with them.”

The air stilled in the living room, with Johnny being the first one to cut it. “What do you mean cut ties?”

“I don’t talk to them anymore.”

“All of them?”

“Yes.”

Ever since he realized his feelings for you, he deleted all the numbers of the girls in his contacts. He lost interest with all of them when he only craved for your tender affection. For your love. He didn’t know what was up between you and Jaehyun, and while that made him jealous, he wasn’t going to go back to his old ‘friends’ because of that.

“Woah... but why?” Yuta asked.

Taeyong eyed Jaehyun, shooting him a glare. He wasn’t going to say your name out loud in front of him. What if Jaehyun’s plan wasn’t only to study there? What if he had something up his sleeve? What if he was going to win your heart?

Jaehyun noticed Taeyong’s hard gaze on him and smirked.

To answer his friend’s question, Taeyong merely said, “Because of someone.”

- ❀ -

The winter term began and much to your delight, you had a class with Jaehyun. You both would have an hour to spare before that class and so you became his personal tour guide as you showed him around your campus, pointing at the different buildings and mentioning the services he could find there. Along the way, you noticed a few students stop in their tracks to look in Jaehyun’s way, their jaws dropping.

When the two of you walked into your almost full class, numerous eyes widened in shock, more jaws dropped, and hushed whispers were heard when laying their eyes on the boy beside you. Some of them had looks of jealously on their faces for you having the privilege to stand beside such a divine being. If your eyes weren’t playing a trick on you, you thought you saw a girl’s head spin almost as if she was going to faint from the unbelievable beauty of the young man. Talk about having a face of a first love.

When you first met Jaehyun, yes you did think he was very handsome. But that was all. No big reactions like your classmates in front of you had.

Why didn’t you crumble like the others?

Because of Taeyong.

Taeyong on the other hand grew restless with the amount of time you spent with Jaehyun. The influx of messages on his phone from unsaved numbers were mostly talks of the newest heartthrob on campus. He knew they were from the girls he had stopped talking to, and he couldn’t care less of the ones texting him that they missed him.

His main concern was if you were going to fall in love with Jaehyun.

The night of the term’s first grand party arrived and your whole squad, now including Jaehyun, attended. A permanent scowl was fixed on Taeyong the entire time as he witnessed Jaehyun being super close to you. A few of his old friends came up to him, asking how he was doing and if he wanted anything, but he simply ignored them. Taeyong glanced at the rest of the crowd around Jaehyun and he had to admit that the messages on his phone were true. Having enough of the stabbing pain in his chest, he downed the alcohol in his hand.

The next night of the weekend meant another party. The boys were getting themselves ready to leave the house once you’d arrive. Joy had to go back to her hometown for a personal matter and you insisted to meet them at their house instead of them coming to pick you up.

Because you had a different plan for that night.

“Noona! Are you ready for tonight?” Mark greeted you when you arrived at the house. Taeyong was sitting on the couch, silently watching you.

“Umm, well I’m not going to the party.”

“What? Why wouldn’t you come princess?” Yuta asked.

Jaehyun answered on your behalf. “She’s going to show me around uptown. I want to see other things than just parties.”

Johnny nodded. “Yes there are other things to see here. Should we come along with you guys?”

Taeyong’s heart inflated, hoping you’d say yes.

“No, we’ll be fine.”

His heart deflated.

Yuta whistled. “Wow sounds like a date to me,” he smirked.

His heart stung.

You laughed. “No, we’re just hanging out,” you clarified.

Hearing that somewhat eased Taeyong’s heart but it wasn’t enough to calm it down. “I’m coming,” he announced.

Everyone turned their heads at Taeyong. His friends were surprised. Jaehyun wasn’t afraid to let a smirk spill onto his face, and you were trying your hardest to hold back your amused smile.

This was what you were hoping.

You knew you hung out with Jaehyun a lot and if Taeyong really was in love with you, he would have been extremely jealous. You weren’t intentionally avoiding Taeyong. With your new friend who was new around here, you wanted to help Jaehyun out as much as you could to make his temporary stay as smooth as possible and that resulted in you not spending time with Taeyong. The Taeyong you craved to have quality time with.

And you were going to make it up to him soon.

The three of you walked over to Taeyong’s car, with Taeyong running off to open the passenger door for you. He wanted you to sit beside him while he drove. You giggled at his puppy look, his desperate attempt to win your heart a little. He didn’t know he had your entire heart.

Right before you got inside the car, you gave Taeyong a quick peck on the cheek, causing a blush to spread over his cheeks under the moonlight. It had been a while since you two shared some intimate moments. And though it was merely a peck, fire had ignited throughout Taeyong’s soul.

Jaehyun silently witnessed the short intimacy between you and Taeyong and hopped into the back seat with dimples on his face.

The streetlights and shops in uptown were decked with winter decorations. It was a shame you missed the Christmas decorations as you loved seeing the streets be ornamented for the holy season. But then Christmas in South Korea was a thrilling experience and you were glad to have experienced it with Jaehyun as your guide.

The three of you walked along the illuminated road. Many of the shops were lit up from the inside indicating that they were open for business. The flower café sat a few shops down from where you three stood.

“Should we go to the flower café first?” you suggested. The chilly winter night had your body craving for a hot caramel drink.

Taeyong was in a bind. He didn’t want to say no to your suggestion, knowing how much you loved to go there. But he didn’t want Jaehyun to learn about it. It was supposed to be your and his sanctuary.

“That sounds cool,” Jaehyun said.

“It is! I love that place so much! Let’s go Tae!” you clung onto Taeyong’s arm to get a vocal approval from him.

Taeyong’s heart somersaulted at your touch and pleading eyes. He accepted his defeat and nodded, letting you drag him to the establishment.

“Okay guys, this is my treat,” you said taking your card out.

Taeyong stopped your hand. “No I’ll pay.”

“No Tae, I suggested this place.”

“I’m not letting you pay on my watch.”

In the midst of you and Taeyong arguing who should pay, Jaehyun slid a $20 bill to the cashier, giving them a look that he was paying for the collective order. “I’m paying guys,” he leaned against the counter smiling.

You pouted. “Jae why? You’re new here. I should be treating you,” you whined.

Taeyong’s heart was going to break a record at this rate with the number of times his heart shattered ever since you came back, which hadn’t even been two full weeks. It was the first time he heard you call Jaehyun in short form. The only other person you did that to was him. Not even with Johnny did you do that and his real name was John.

When you began your search for an empty table, you were a little disappointed to see the table with lilacs taken. In turn, an empty table with a small clear vase holding creamy white gardenias was spotted.

“Wow those flowers are pretty. Let’s sit there,” you said and pulled Taeyong along with you. Even though he was a little, scratch that, very insecure that you hung out with Jaehyun a lot and called him in short form, his heart soared at your unexpected touches that night. After being so deprived of you, every single attention he received from you was enough to set his heart alight.

Jaehyun watched from afar, your complete attention on the boy you loved while Taeyong’s cheeks were kissed with a rosy hue. With a smile, he took a sip of his banana milk and followed you.

- ❀ -

“Bad news!” Joy yelled with a crying face.

She furiously knocked on the door panting. Johnny frantically opened and ushered her inside, trying to calm her down as she continued crying. “What is it?” Johnny asked softly.

The rest of the boys gathered shortly, not getting too close so that she could get some air.

“Y/N’s missing.”

Taeyong’s eyes went wide as his heart dropped to the floor. Ever since the hangout with Jaehyun, you went back to normal of not talking to him. “What do you mean missing?” Taeyong asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t know where she is. I haven’t seen her all day today and she hasn’t been answering my calls or texts.”

It was almost midnight and for you to not have replied back to Joy for a whole day meant something really was wrong.

“Calm down Joy. Have you checked some places Y/N would go to often?” Yuta questioned.

She nodded. “Yeah I did. She’s nowhere.” And Joy began choking on her sobs.

Taeyong didn’t waste another second and ran up to his room, grabbing his keys and jacket. Running back down, he said, “I’m going to go look for her.”

“I’m coming with you hyung,” Mark said.

Joy gave Jaehyun a look, making Jaehyun speak up. “Mark you have a test tomorrow don’t you? You should stay back.”

“What no! I wanna search for noona too!”

“Yeah I agree with Jaehyun. I’ll stay back with Mark so he can sleep while I wait to see if Y/N comes here,” Yuta suggested.

“Yeah I’ll go with Taeyong. And Johnny and Ten can go in another car and cover another area,” Jaehyun suggested.

“Okay sounds like a plan with me,” Ten agreed.

Johnny nodded. “Joy you should stay here and calm down.”

“You think I can calm down by sitting around? I’m coming with you!” she yelled.

Taeyong didn’t like the idea of Jaehyun coming with him. He’d rather search for you alone. But finding you was more important than who his search buddy was.

It was pin drop silent in Taeyong’s car. Jaehyun knew Taeyong wasn’t a big fan of him and found it quite amusing. He was not a single ounce of threat between you and Taeyong.

Taeyong decided to keep his mouth shut, not interested to have small talk with the boy beside him as he drove down the street to where your favourite café sat. He hoped so bad that you’d be there. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Jaehyun typing something on his phone.

Pulling up to the dimmed lighting of the café, Taeyong was dejected to see the closed sign on the window. You wouldn’t be inside a closed building.

However, Jaehyun unbuckled his seat belt and opened his door.

“Where are you going?” Taeyong asked him puzzled. There were barely any shops along the street that were open considering it was past midnight of a weekday.

“I texted the others to pick me up from here. You’ll find Y/N at the conservation park.” With that Jaehyun left the car and shut the door behind him.

Taeyong was overwhelmed with shock and relief that you weren’t exactly missing. But he was so confused with what all the commotion was about earlier. He pulled down the window. “What’s going on? Why would she do that?” Why would you be in the midst of wildlife, with trails pathed through the forests at night?

Jaehyun held his hands up. “I can’t say anything more. This is Y/N’s order. Now hurry. You don’t want her waiting for you, do you?”

Taeyong didn’t need to be told twice and he pressed on the accelerator of his car, his heart racing along.

When he got closer to the entrance of the conservation area, he was in a dilemma. It was dark with no artificial lights and if it weren’t for the bright moonlight, he wouldn’t know where to drive.

Why would you be here all alone? Who knew what could happen at night here? Wild animal attack? Serial killer on a hunt? He grew super nervous if he was going to find you in time before something bad would happen to you. He stopped the car and thought about calling you.

Only to realize that he didn’t bring his phone.

Fuck.

He cursed himself that he didn’t ask Jaehyun for pointers and he was going to try his very best to find you.

Staying inside his vehicle wasn’t helping with the limited view. He stepped out and tried to focus his eyes onto something that could aid him to get closer to you.

Glow in the dark stickers were stuck on a map in the parking lot. Taeyong thought it was bizarre for the map to have such stickers and his heart leaped, hoping it was your doing.

He parked his car and observed the map, scrutinizing to make out the colours and paths on the board. He found a sticker with TY initials on it, the spot not too far from where he stood. Taeyong knew it was you.

Sprinting towards the marked spot, he noticed a bit of light spilling from the trees that were blocking his view from you. When he walked through them, he abruptly came to a stop and lost his breath.

In front of him stood you, happily smiling that Taeyong had found you on his own. Your hands were clasping something behind your back but he didn’t pay any mind to that at that moment. Instead his eyes were glued to the setting behind you.

Red, pink and white heart shaped balloons were tied to the trees along with some outdoor hanging string lights to illuminate the small area. Letter balloons were tied to the weights and spelled out ��I LOVE YOU’ as they floated in the air behind a white clothed table. Baskets of different types of flowers sat on the table. He recognized that all of the flowers were those that you and Taeyong had sat by at the flower café. Roses, gardenias, tulips, hyacinths, lilies, and lastly lilacs. Surrounded by the baskets, in the middle of the table sat a medium-sized white teddy bear holding a red heart.

Taeyong’s eyes lingered on the flower varieties and the words ‘I LOVE YOU’ for a while before shifting his gaze back on you.

“Y/N...” His voice failed him from the shock.

You brought your hands in front of you, a red velvety box sitting on the palms of your hands. “Are you just going to stand there?” you teased.

He shook himself, knocking some sense to his feet and walked closer to you. “What’s- Why- all this...” Taeyong’s throat was closing on him. He couldn’t believe all that he was seeing.

You giggled. “What else do you think silly?” You attempted to lighten up the situation when he looked like he was going to bawl his eyes out. You stopped laughing at his lack of response and turned serious.

“I’m in love with you Tae.” You opened up the velvet box displaying the couple rings you purchased. “I got this for us.”

Emotions poured out of his system and he gently grabbed onto your arm, pulling you into his tight embrace. His chin rested on the top of your head and you felt his chest rumble as your ear was pressed to his pounding heart. It felt like the world stopped spinning, you in his arms, his tears speeding down his face and falling on your hair that you didn’t mind the slightest bit. What mattered was the warmth that Taeyong emitted.

If you could spend an eternity in Taeyong’s arms, you would.

- ❀ -

You and Taeyong were on your way back to his house after packing everything in his car. He hadn’t let go of your hand ever since he pulled away from the hug, even when driving with his one hand. You joked that he had to at least let you go for you to sit in the passenger seat unless he wanted you to sit on his lap. And while he loved that idea, your safety came first.

“I can’t believe you remembered Y/N.” He was relieved to hear that you remembered his first confession now that the feeling was mutual. “And how did you even wait for me all alone? Weren’t you scared?”

“I wasn’t scared. But my heart was going crazy for you to find me. Joy was with me first and when we were done setting everything up, she almost like teleported to your place.”

“Wow... so that was all Joy acting. She’s such a great actress.”

You laughed. “Yup.”

A small frown appeared on his face. “Jaehyun knew too.”

“Yeah why?”

He grew silent, opting to not voice his concern and instead gave your hand a gentle squeeze.

“You’re jealous of Jaehyun, aren’t you?” you narrowed your eyes on him while his eyes were glued on the road.

Taeyong contemplated before nodding slightly.

You brought your other hand to lay on top of his. “You have nothing to be jealous about. We literally have like a sibling bond. He helped me get through so much in South Korea. I only wanted to do the same while he’s here for the study abroad program.”

His heart stilled. “Did you just say sibling?”

“Yes Tae. He’s like a brother figure to me.”

“But wouldn’t he...”

“What? Like me in that way? Of course not. He may have a pretty face of a heart stealer but he’s super loyal when it comes to friendships. He would never do anything bad to ruin relationships. In fact, he loves playing cupid because his birthday falls on Valentine’s day. That’s why he was a part of my plan tonight. He wanted us to be official so bad after hearing me talk so much about you.”

Taeyong felt a million weights lifted off his soul. Now that he heard about Jaehyun’s true personality, he felt bad for thinking Jaehyun was the devil. He was grateful that Jaehyun wasn’t the bad guy who was going to steal you away from him.

“You talked about me?” he asked flustered that you would mention him in your conversations with Jaehyun.

“Of course I would. I love you so much, like seriously crazy, Tae,” you said with a wide grin.

His heart was ready to rocket into space. He lifted your hand to his lips, placing a kiss on your palm. “I really love you too, Y/N.”

- ❀ -

You and Taeyong walked into the house, hands interlocked and being welcomed by all your friends for your safe return.

“You had us worried Y/N!” Yuta began. “What happened?”

“Yeah Joy and Jaehyun said it’s a surprise. What’s the surprise?” Ten asked with his face scrunched up.

You gave Taeyong a glance and held the intertwined hands up, showing the crew the couple rings. “We’re dating.”

Joy and Jaehyun had seen it coming and a huge smile was plastered on their faces. Meanwhile shocked expressions were registered on Johnny’s, Ten’s and Yuta’s faces. Johnny was the most surprised, followed by Yuta gaping. Ten was very amused that his friend stopped talking to other girls because of you. “Wow hyung, congrats! And you too Y/N!” The rest of your friends sent their warm regards to you and Taeyong.

“Wait till Mark hears this tomorrow morning,” Yuta said. “He’ll be thinking about it all day.”

“Watch him accidentally write it on his test,” Johnny laughed.

- ❀ -

If you were over the moon when you first thought about your trip to South Korea, you couldn’t even put into words of how you felt with Taeyong. You looked forward to seeing him, getting all giddy by his texts. He’d come to wait outside your classes, giving you a peck on the cheek as you ran into his arms. He’d give you back hugs when you would be trying to search for a book on the shelf in the library, resting his chin on your shoulder and kissing your neck. You pretty much lived at the boys’ house now more than you did before, specifically his bedroom, because you couldn’t separate yourself from him. Why should you even? Taeyong was your boyfriend. And he wanted the same thing. So what if his bed was twin sized? It was the perfect size for lovebirds like you two. He loved holding you in his arms and placing petal-like kisses on the top of your head during cuddle sessions. Every touch of his love sent your entire body blazing and you wished it’d never come to an end.

You hung out less with Jaehyun and you felt bad about it. In turn, your other friends hung out with him, especially Johnny taking him out for coffee runs. Joy did feel a bit jealous with Johnny’s new mate and could relate to how Taeyong felt with you and Jaehyun.

The month of midterms was coming up. You were looking forward to a particular boy’s special day that was going to give everyone a relief from the stress of assignments and examinations. Johnny, Joy and Ten took up the mission to organize a grand party for Jaehyun, with Johnny vowing to plan the best birthday and Valentine’s party for a student on an abroad program.

Your squad, minus Jaehyun who was meeting with an academic advisor, headed inside the library and searched for empty seats for the seven of you.

“Over there guys!” Mark spoke a bit too loudly for the librarian’s liking, earning a shush.

Ten snickered. “Mark seriously? Weren’t you supposed to be the goody two shoes?”

“Give him a break Ten. He got a little too excited seeing a huge empty table for the first time,” Yuta commented.

The poor young boy only groaned in response, wishing he could murder his hyungs in their sleep.

Johnny led the way, placing his bag on the opposite side of where you and Taeyong sat down shortly. Joy and Ten joined him as the trio were going to study for the second part of the math course. Mark had beaten Yuta to take the empty seat beside you, with the older one taking a seat at the end of the table.

“Okay guys. Do you have any idea how this integral shit works?” Johnny asked.

“Oh hyung I know!” Mark beamed at the topic mentioned. “Can I help?”

“No. Like our prof said. We should figure it out ourselves ‘cause no one’s gonna help us during the exams,” Ten recited.

“Yeah okay so what’s the first step to solve this shitshow?” Johnny pointed at the complicated question that their professor provided in class.

“Guys my head hurts,” Joy complained.

“It’s okay Joy. We got this. I’m going to find an integral calculator on Google.” Johnny pulled up his laptop and began clicking away.

“Okay hyung. I’ll see if this lazy man just stole it from the textbook. If he did, we’ll easily find the solutions online.”

“I don’t get why you can’t just ask me for help if you’re just gonna look up the answers,” Mark grumbled but the trio only ignored him.

Yuta heard Mark. “Awe does my baby tiger want to help?”

Mark stayed silent, afraid of where Yuta was going with this.

“Under the table-”

“HYUNG!”

The librarian grew furious and sent a glare at Mark, holding up a yellow card that had Yuta laughing hard. Mark took this chance to shove the older one off his seat, causing Yuta to fall flat on his butt.

Taeyong was searching for a book in his bag, his shoulders sinking at the thought that he forgot it in his bedroom. “Love, I’ll be back. I’m going to look for the book I need to write this paper on.”

You sent him a smile. “Okay.”

He smiled at you and got up from his seat, beginning his quest for the novel.

Taeyong hadn’t walked too far until he bumped into a girl, realizing who it was after a few seconds.

“Oh sorry Bella.”

She smiled. “That’s alright. I haven’t heard from you in a while.” Bella was a friend who gave him the love he needed months ago before he started loving you.

“Yeah.” He didn’t know what else to say to her, not interested in small talks.

“I missed you,” she spoke ever so softly.

He didn’t miss her because he had made it clear to everyone what his intentions were ahead of time.

“I need to talk to you,” Bella said and grabbed his hand, not giving Taeyong a chance to refuse and pulled him through the tall bookshelves, going deeper and deeper until it was impossible to find them within seconds.

You had seen the encounter from your seat. Taeyong talking to an unknown girl didn’t bother you. But the second that girl pulled Taeyong out of your sight, something didn’t quite sit well in your stomach. You wanted to go after them and see what it was about. Everyone at your table was occupied, the trio still scratching their heads at the math problem, and Yuta messing around with Mark.

You stood up and headed in the direction of where the duo disappeared, stunned that you didn’t see them immediately behind the bookshelves.

Where did you go Taeyong?

You walked around, turning your head in all directions at every opening until you bumped into a tall boy.

Lucas.

You recognized the boy in one of your classes. He was always loud, disturbing nearby classmates who were trying to focus on the lecture content. Quite a flirt towards girls as well, excluding you thankfully. You always ignored him and he did the same in a respectful manner, even when the two of you ended up sitting beside one another.

You muttered an apology and tried to walk around him, but he blocked your way.

That was a first. He had never bothered you before. You let out a deep breath, pushing the task of finding Taeyong aside for the moment. “What is it?”

- ❀ -

“You should believe me Taeyong. I only want the best for you.”

Taeyong couldn’t believe her. “No Bella, Y/N would never do that to me. And it’s better if you leave my sight now before I raise my voice at you.”

She shook her head not backing down. “I won’t. What makes you think Y/N will stay loyal to you? She’s never looked another guy before you.”

“Exactly my point. Y/N wouldn’t ever betray me.”

“No Tae. Now that she gave you a chance, she’ll be more comfortable looking at other guys. Maybe even behind your back. Don’t you think that can happen?”

Her words stirred something inside him, thinking about Jaehyun. Yes, he knew Jaehyun wasn’t a threat but the thought of how you made friends with him abroad without telling anyone had him momentarily think that you could possibly-

Taeyong shook his head, trying to shake Bella’s words out of his mind. “You’re just trying to make me doubt her, aren’t you? I’m not gonna-” he stopped suddenly biting his tongue. It was better to just leave instead of fighting with a wall. He turned his back on her to leave before she could brainwash him more.

But Bella wasn’t done with him just yet. She grabbed his shoulder forcefully turning him around and placed her lips on top of his in a blink. When Taeyong realized what Bella was doing, he pushed her away, not even in the gentlest manner and looked at her incredulously. “What the fuck Bella?!” He turned not glancing back at her and failed to notice the sinister smile on her face.

It didn’t feel like a good day for him to write his paper. He just wanted to take you home and cuddle with you all day.

He walked through the endless bookcases, attempting to figure out where on earth he was. Bella had caught him off guard when she dragged him away that he couldn’t think about anything else other than what the girl wanted to discuss with him. When Taeyong passed by one of the passageways without much thought, he froze in his steps, his heart getting caught in his throat. Backing up slowly, he looked at a guy. Super close to you. He couldn’t see your face clearly as your hair blocked your side profile.

Your back was pressed flat against the bookshelf as Lucas caged you in his arms. You threatened him to leave you alone but he only laughed at your face. You were afraid of him because he was really tall, and his smirk made him look a lot more intimidating. If you tried to get physical on him, you were terrified what he’d do in return. You frantically looked around to see if anyone was nearby to cry for help. Your heart leaped to see Taeyong but then it did a free fall when your eyes lingered on his face.

A bright red lipstick stain on his lips.

You never wore lipstick and you knew it had something to do with that girl from earlier.

Taeyong stormed his way towards you two, briefly glancing at Lucas in disgust, and when his eyes landed on you, you felt all the colour drain from your face.

“What are you doing with him?” Taeyong asked and at that moment you didn’t know if you were more afraid of Lucas...

Or Taeyong’s furious eyes.

You were speechless. First, he went off to kiss a girl behind your back. And second, instead of saving you, he turned the entire situation on you. You never thought Taeyong would ever doubt you for cheating behind his back, and you never thought he would cheat on you.

Lucas took this chance to kiss your cheek. You were startled by his bold move and pushed him off with all the anger you had for both him and your boyfriend. “What the fuck Lucas?! And you,” turning to Taeyong, “Why the fuck is there lipstick on your lips?”

Taeyong laughed bitterly with his breaking heart, not caring about the lipstick stain and was amused by you dodging his question. “I asked first. You literally avoided answering me when you-”

“Because you’re turning this all on me after you smooched off that girl!” You face was red, beyond furious at the accusation. “Don’t you dare talk to me!” you yelled, not caring that you were in a library. Without giving Taeyong a chance to retort back, you turned on your heel and hurriedly jogged back to the table with hot tears descending down your face.

You wiped the tears off with the back of your hands angrily and began throwing your stuff in your bag carelessly. Your three friends looked at you in alarm to see your crying face. You didn’t care where your other two friends were. All you wanted to do was get away from everyone, especially him.

“Y/N? What-”

Before Joy could ask, you ran out the library.

Joy quickly packed her belongings. “I’m gonna go,” she informed and rushed after you.

Johnny and Ten looked at one another in worry and later saw Taeyong walk back to the table with a scowl. He had already wiped the lipstick off his face.

“What happened Taeyong?” Johnny asked.

“Nothing,” he tried to brush it off, not in the mood to talk about it.

“It was definitely something!” Johnny’s voice boomed with such resonance that it made the librarian draw the last straw and kicked the boys out.

That wasn’t even a problem when they had a bigger problem at hand.

On the way down the steps of the library, Yuta and Mark had caught up to them, asking what happened that made everyone leave the library suddenly. Taeyong hadn’t said a word yet, the scowl permanent on his face.

Johnny wasn’t content with the silence. “I’m not letting you into the house if you don’t speak up, young man.”

Right at that time, Lucas exited the library, passing by the boys casually. Taeyong noticed him and saw Lucas shoot him an evil smirk, shaking his head in disappointment and left.

Dropping his scowl, Taeyong lifted his arm to stare long at the smudged lipstick on the back of the hand.

His heart stung badly, the feeling of regret slowly creeping into his heart.

- ❀ -

You had gotten back to your apartment with Joy hot on your trails. You threw your bag angrily on the couch and walked to your bedroom, slamming the door shut on Joy. You wanted to be alone when crying. Crying for the boy that you thought wouldn’t hurt you. Crying because he betrayed you. Crying because Taeyong witnessed another man harass you in front of his eyes and didn’t do anything about it.

Your legs gave up, sliding down onto the floor as you cried.

“Y/N?” Joy didn’t want to barge into your room. Curiosity was eating her up to learn what happened, but she knew you well enough that you needed your space.

When she didn’t hear a response from you and only your cries, she decided to message him.

- ❀ -

“There’s no way Y/N would cheat on you! Do you even hear yourself?”

“But it’s true. I saw it, Johnny.”

“Nonsense! I don’t believe it. Seriously use your brain Taeyong!”

None of his friends believed him. They’d known you for almost half a year now. They had a feeling that you wouldn’t do anything to break the trust of your friends, especially your boyfriend. Jaehyun was something they all assumed at first before Jaehyun cleared it up.

“Isn’t it a coincidence that at the same time Bella talked to you, that guy was with Y/N too?” Ten voiced out. “What if it was a setup?”

Now that Taeyong had thought through the entire situation at the library, he was getting more afraid that he had gotten into Bella’s words and wrongly mistrusted you. Even worse, he felt like killing himself for not saving you and beating Lucas up for what he did to you.

You needed help and Taeyong, literally a few steps away, overlooked that and turned the table on you.

He gripped his hair in anger and hung his head low in disappointment.

Johnny’s phone began ringing and excused himself out the living room. “Hey Joy,” he greeted not sounding as cheerful as he usually would.

“What happened? Y/N is bawling her eyes out and I have no idea how to calm her down.”

He explained the case to her and at the end of it, Joy was gripping her phone so tightly that she was close to throwing it at the wall. “I’m going to kill Taeyong!” she screamed, her face going all red. “Where is he?”

“As much as we want to knock sense in him, we need to think of a way to clear the misunderstanding.”

Joy sat down on the couch, counting numbers in her head to calm herself down. “Okay, but I’m never forgiving him for this.”

The doorbell rang and Joy got up to answer it. She swung the door open revealing a worried Jaehyun.

- ❀ -

“Who the hell was that guy? We need to talk to him.” Mark said.

“More like we need to beat him to pulp for doing that to Y/N!” Yuta corrected. “The exact thing someone should have done at that time,” he said throwing shade at Taeyong.

Taeyong wanted to dig his own grave the more the boys talked about it.

The front door slammed open, the person not bothering to close it. Jaehyun looked around for the boy at fault, making eye contact with him and stormed over. Standing right in front of the sitting boy, he demanded for Taeyong to stand up. Taeyong did without hesitation and was ready to accept a blow as he deserved it. The rest of the boys gathered around closely, ready to hold back Jaehyun if a fight broke out.

“Listen to me carefully Taeyong. As much as I want to punch you in the face, I’m not a man of violence. And Y/N would never want that either.”

Upon hearing your name, Taeyong’s heart broke even more.

“Y/N gave you a chance. She could have easily moved on with her life without you. Heck she could have lived her life without confessing to you. There was literally no need for a relationship seeing how you two have problems! The reason why she gave you a chance is because she loves you.”

A tear slipped down Taeyong’s face. Everything that came out of Jaehyun’s mouth was true and hit him right in the center of his heart. You and him couldn’t have happened if it weren’t for you two gathering the courage to get over the personal issues. What you had with him was fragile and a slight sever in the relationship would mean an end to the trust.

“What do I do now?” Taeyong whispered more to himself.

Jaehyun heard him. “You’re going to beg for her forgiveness. And you’re not giving up.”

- ❀ -

The night fell, and you laid your head on your beloved friend’s lap. Your eyes were closed due to the fatigue that added up when you cried, and Joy gently stroked your hair in efforts to soothe your aching heart.

Your phone was on silent, not in the mood to communicate with anyone. It sat beside Joy so she could check to see if you’d get any urgent notifications.

You hadn’t spoken a word when you left your room. Joy was immensely relieved for you to have finally come out of your room that she didn’t mind your silence. Baby steps, she thought. You’d talk in due time when you were ready.

The phone lit up beside her, her eyes landing on it right in time. She didn’t want to ask you in fear that you’d start crying again and so on your behalf, Joy declined Taeyong’s incoming call.

Taeyong knew it wasn’t going to be easy for you to forgive him. But like Jaehyun said, he wasn’t going to give up.

- ❀ -

The next few days, you had been avoiding Taeyong. He would call and message so often that you had enough of the painful sensations in your heart every time you saw a notification from him and blocked him altogether.

When his attempts to get through you with his phone failed, he decided to make a trip to your apartment. You had seen it coming and told Joy to handle him while you hid in your room.

Joy wasn’t going to risk opening the door in case Taeyong invited himself in without permission. When she heard a series of doorbell ringing, she unlocked her phone to call him.

“Taeyong leave.”

“No! Please let me see her,” he pleaded. She could hear the hoarseness in his voice.

“Y/N doesn’t want to. And I’m not opening the door so instead of wasting your time and giving her stress because she’s clearly trying to avoid you, leave.” There was not a single ounce of warmth in Joy’s tone. She had given Taeyong a chance to not let her down, and he did the exact thing she feared.

Taeyong heaved a sigh of defeat, giving up until he thought of a better way to get closer to you.

Joy breathed out in relief, thankful that he left without making much of a commotion. She cautiously walked over to your closed room and put her ear against the door. Instead of your cries, she was met with your silence. Opening your door, she found you sitting on your bed, your arms hugging your legs and your chin rested on top. Your eyes void of any emotions as you tried to numb the agony in your heart.

Joy carefully sat down beside you as if you were a bubble that would burst any second. “Can I ask you something?”

You inhaled deeply and nodded.

“Are you going to break up with him?”

Break up... with Taeyong.

The thought of ending your relationship with Taeyong sent a million pins and needles at your heart. Regardless of everything that happened, that was one thing you wished never happened. He made you happy, feel so alive with a love that you had never experienced in your life.

But flashbacks to the what happened in the library killed you.

“No,” you croaked out. “But he-”

“I know everything Y/N. Johnny told me. I’m not trying to take his side after what he did to you. But nothing like what you think actually happened between him and that girl.”

A pinch of pain lifted from your heart, hoping your boyfriend was as innocent as your friend claimed. “What? But he had-”

“That girl apparently jumped on him. The others think this was a set up to break you and Taeyong up.”

- ❀ -

The next time you had a class with Jaehyun, he didn’t dare to speak about Taeyong to you and opted to talk about other things. You were starting to feel better with the impression that Lucas personally didn’t want to inflict any harm on you. And you had confirmed this the next time you saw him on campus with Jaehyun thankfully beside you.

You took cover behind Jaehyun when Lucas approached holding his hands up to show that he meant no harm.

“Look I’m really sorry. I only did as I was told and I didn’t actually mean to scare you like that,” he said to your eyes as you peeked over Jaehyun’s shoulder.

“Why did you do it?” Jaehyun asked coldly.

“She was giving me money for it. It was a dick move but don’t we need money as broke students? And I was going to tell you the truth after I got the money. Seriously.”

Jaehyun looked over his shoulder at you, wordlessly asking you for the next move. Your heart rate slowed down when you decided to believe in Lucas. “But why would that girl do that?” you asked.

Lucas shook his head, not knowing the exact reason. “I think she’s jealous. As a lot of girls would be. Taeyong is really popular. For them to hear that he’s in a relationship would… you know?”

You nodded slowly and came out from behind Jaehyun, feeling a lot braver.

“Once again Y/N, I’m really sorry for scaring you.” When you stayed silent, he took your silence as a sign to leave.

Jaehyun let out a sigh and turned to you, observing your silence.

You were still hurt by Taeyong’s lack of trust in you, led astray by someone else’s words. The girls were going to be an issue. You figured that they weren’t going to stop, which meant that if you and Taeyong wanted to keep the relationship alive, an unbreakable trust had to be formed.

But you didn’t know if you could trust Taeyong just yet. He did it once. He could do it again. Taeyong was going to have to win your heart if he was serious about you.

For that, only time could tell.

- ❀ -

Jaehyun informed Taeyong of your encounter with Lucas. When Taeyong learned that it was all Bella’s plan, his blood boiled in anger. Not at Bella. Not at Lucas.

At himself.

He was almost about to give up on you as you deserved someone so much better than what he was. Pathetic. But Jaehyun knocked some sense in him to not give into his frustration and instead think of a way for you to forgive him.

Taeyong got into contact with Joy, asking her when you would be at your place and assured her that he wasn’t going to see you.

The first time he came by, Joy trusted Taeyong to not barge in and opened the door. He quietly stood there, unmoving, holding some things.

Your ear was pressed against the bedroom door in attempt to eavesdrop their conversation. You couldn’t make out the inaudible mumbles until-

“Y/N come out!”

Your heart rate picked up. Was Joy calling you out while Taeyong was there? You opened the door enough for one eye to check on the situation, but it didn’t give you much of a view.

Seeing that you were taking awhile, she added, “He’s not here. Don’t worry.”

You opened the door fully and walked out, heading to the direction of the voice. In the kitchen, you saw Joy lay a bouquet of lilacs on the counter along with a tray holding two drinks and a small bag of baked goods fitted in one of the empty cup spots.

“What’s this?” you asked surprised.

“He gave you, well us these treats so we can have energy to study. And these flowers... he didn’t say anything.”

The dull pain inside you converted into a blossoming feeling. Your heart warmed at the thought that Taeyong was taking care of you when you weren’t talking to him and refused to see him.

Joy noticed a white note tucked in between the stems of the bunch. “Oh there’s something here. I think you should read it.” She handed you the note.

Slowly you unfolded it and read his handwriting.

- I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you. I’m not worthy for you to forgive me. But please take care of yourself. Don’t fall sick. Don’t stress too much. Eat well, sleep well too. I love you.

- ❀ -

Everyday Taeyong came to drop off some food and beverages, whether it’d be from a coffee shop, your favourite takeout or even his homemade foods that you loved so much. Joy would see the forced smile and the gloomy look in his eyes during the delivery. He wouldn’t say anything to Joy and before she could ask about himself, Taeyong would already be walking away.

One day, Joy had to meet Johnny and Ten for a review session. You were home alone and Taeyong wanted to give you food.

But how was he going to do it without you seeing him?

You got a message from Joy.

Joy: Taeyong is going to doorbell and drop some food by the door. He’ll leave right away so you won’t see him

Your heart accelerated. Every time you saw Joy place food on the counter that Taeyong brought for you, your heart melted. The note he had given you on the first day was tucked safely in your notebook, seeing it right away upon opening it. The lilacs were sitting in the living room in a white vase. Every time you walked out of your bedroom, your eyes would land on them, thinking about the first time you saw them with him.

The doorbell rang.

Taeyong.

You tried to calm down your quickened breathing, debating whether you should catch him or wait for his departure. Ultimately, you decided against waiting for him to leave, a small flicker in you wanted to see him.

You opened the door and saw a cloth bag on the floor with clear glass containers of the foods he cooked. You turned your head right in time to catch a glimpse of his figure, walking into the elevator and not glancing back at you.

- ❀ -

After you finished writing your first midterm, you pulled out your phone and dialed a number.

“Y/N! Oh my God! How are you?”

You smiled at hearing Ten’s cheerful voice. “I’m okay thanks. How are things with you?”

He groaned. “Ugh, what can I possibly say about math? Why did I do this to myself? Anyways what’s up?”

“Is Taeyong near you?”

“No I’m alone.”

“Do you know what he’s doing today? Like is stressed for anything right now?”

He was silent for a bit. “I don’t know what he’s doing today. He’s pretty unpredictable these days. Why- Wait a minute! Don’t tell me you want to see Taeyong!”

Ten took your stunned silence as a yes and you heard him scream a series of yeses, cuing you to cut the call. The entirety of your midterm exam, you couldn’t stop the gnawing at your heart, couldn’t stop thinking about Taeyong.

Going to the blocked contacts list, you found Taeyong’s number and unblocked him. On the messages app, your fingers hovered over the keyboard, afraid of what he felt towards you. Would he be mad at you for not talking to him this long? Your fear was irrational because he wouldn’t have dropped by every day to deliver food if he was. Maybe he did it every day because he became used to it.

You took a deep breath in and typed a message, sending it right away.

Taeyong felt his phone vibrate beside him. He was currently working on the written assignment that was supposed to happen at the library before the unfortunate event. He pried his burning eyes away from the laptop screen and onto his phone, his heart stopping.

A message from you.

At the speed of light, he picked his phone up, wishing his eyes weren’t playing a trick on him.

It really was you.

Love: Are you busy?

He wanted to call you. He was desperate to hear your voice. But he didn’t want to push his luck.

Taeyong: No

Love: Where are you?

Taeyong: At home

Love: Can you meet me?

Taeyong: Of course, where?

Love: Parking lot of the campus. We’ll go somewhere from there.

He wasted no time, grabbing the essentials including his phone this time, and hurried out the door.

You waited at the spot, trying to think of where to go. For what you wanted to talk about, you wanted it to be a secluded area where no one else would likely be at that time. Lost in your thoughts of where to go, you didn’t hear a car pull up beside you.

Taeyong’s car.

He stepped out and rounded his car, walking closer to where you stood on the curb. “Y/N,” he called you quietly, scared that he was going to make a wrong move and have you run away from him.

When you locked your gaze with his, you felt the time slow down. You missed him so much. You longed to feel the warmth in his arms, like he would be shielding you from the world. You missed the feeling of his lips on you. You missed spending time with him, cuddling with him, kissing him. Everything.

You missed him because you loved him, but you didn’t know if you could trust your heart to him just yet.

“Tae,” you whispered and a tear slip down your face, instantly drying from the chilly weather.

Taeyong smiled genuinely for the first time after a while, and it made you feel a bit better that he wasn’t mad at you. “Thank you. And I’m really sorry. I’ll spend the rest of my life saying sorry-”

“Don’t,” you cut him off. “I wanted to talk to you.”

He nodded frantically. “I’ll listen to anything you say.”

You asked Taeyong to drive you both to the conservation park, the same one where you confessed to him. The drive there was silent. You weren’t going to make small talk with him just yet. Meanwhile, Taeyong’s hand were getting sweaty as he gripped the steering wheel tightly, nervous about what you were going to say. He didn’t know if you were breaking up with him or not, and the thought of you doing so devastated him.

After he parked the car, you wasted no time and got out of the car with Taeyong following. You thought hard contemplating whether to do it or not, and at the end let your heart give in. When he jogged up to you, you laced your fingers with his. The small action made Taeyong’s heart explode, sending an immense amount of hope that things might become okay between you two.

You led him along the trails in the forest, walking in the familiar direction when you and Joy came here for the first time.

Taeyong recognized the path that once led him to the big surprise and thought you were taking him there. To reminisce that night. But he was wrong when you passed the spot. You were taking him somewhere else.

You stopped at the end of the trail, leaving Taeyong speechless. In front of his eyes was a sparkling blue lake with trees decorated along the other inaccessible side. The water sat still, unmoving in the chilly weather, creating a perfect mirror on its surface. Only a few ripples in the presence of gentle wind broke it fleetingly before regaining the seamless reflection.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” you asked.

Taeyong agreed but stayed mute. He was waiting for you to talk. The main reason why you wanted to see him.

“I wanted to tell you something no one knows. Something Joy doesn’t know... about my past,” you continued.

He felt his heart stop beating. You never brought it up to him and so he didn’t you were ever going to talk about it.

You squeezed his hand a little tighter out of anxiety. You didn’t ever want to talk about it, thinking that it wasn’t going to really mean anything now. It was your pain that you grew up witnessing. It was supposed to be something left in the past and never brought up again. For that reason, you were never ready to talk about it.

But if you and Taeyong wanted to form an unbreakable trust, you had to open up to him, even if it was just a little, and have him understand why you were the way you were.

“Joy asked me once a while back whether it was because of my dad. For not being interested in relationships. I guess it is.”

“Why?” he asked gently.

“Because he emotionally abused my mom.”

You heard him gasp and it felt as if time had stopped around you, memories of your past flooding back to you.

Speaking ill about your significant other, belittling them, asserting dominance. That wasn’t love. Invalidating their feelings, making them cry, having no respect for them. That wasn’t love. It was emotional torture. Not just to your mom but to you witnessing it all as well. You were in a way grateful to be an only child so your unborn siblings wouldn’t have to see it and mature the way you did.

With a gentle squeeze of your hand, Taeyong brought you back to the present moment. “Y/N, I’m so sorry,” he spoke so softly.  

You shook your head. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t think I can say anything more. It’s too hard for me. It’s something I try to forget. But I guess it’s scarred in my heart.”

“And you don’t have to say more. I understand.” He rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of your hand, hoping to soothe you.

“I became aware of it in middle school that it wasn’t supposed to be normal. It was too much for me to see my own dad do it to my mom. That’s why I guess I never bothered myself with boys and relationships.”

“Oh my God, I’m really-”

“Don’t you dare say sorry again.”

He bit his tongue before that word slipped out. “But... can I ask you something... about them?”

“Yeah.”

“Are they still together?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t your mother leave him?”

You thought that too. You desperately wished for them to divorce or just live separately. It killed you to see your mom be tormented and broken-hearted every single day. “She never left him because she was dependent on him. And she would claim that it wasn’t the real him and it was his way of showing love.” You thought it was absurd. You knew she was lying. But as a child, you didn’t know what else to do other than to accept it.

“Are they still the same?”

You shook your head. “I don’t know when or why things changed after I left for uni. Whenever I’d go back to see them, it looks like my dad is putting an effort to not hurt my mom. Something must have happened after I left that knocked some sense in him, I guess,” you chuckled to yourself. Even though your dad was getting better at respecting your mom, the pain of seeing of your mom cry to herself every day remained in your heart.

Taeyong was quiet for a moment. The scar from your past was still there and he wanted to be careful and not prick it by saying the wrong thing. After some thought, he asked, “Can I ask you something?”

You laughed quietly, remembering the day when this exact thing happened with the roles reversed. “Yeah.”

“Can you trust me?” He made his mind up. Knowing about you and your past, he was never going to doubt you again. He wasn’t going to jump to conclusions like the way he did with Jaehyun and Lucas.

“I can. But not if you-”

“I won’t ever make assumptions or doubt you again. Like the way I did with Jaehyun and Lucas. I’ll always trust you with my whole heart. I mean it.” He gave your hand a gentle squeeze.

You sent him a weak smile. “Okay. I’m trusting you.”

He smiled at you in a loving manner to which you reciprocated.

You reminded yourself of one more thing to say. “Also Tae, I’m sorry.”

He was puzzled by your apology. Why are you when I’m the one at fault, he thought. “For what?”

“For doubting you, for kissing that girl.”

He shook his head frantically. “You shouldn’t be the one to say sorry. It’s all my fault. It wouldn’t have gotten bad if I didn’t... I’m really-”

“Tae,” you narrowed your eyes on him.

He gave you an awkward smile and cleared his throat. “So... you won’t break up with me?”

You laughed. “As serious as everything I said sounds, and for something that you realized your mistake after, I can give you another chance. You’re lucky I love you so much.”

Taeyong let out a deep breath, feeling his shoulders lighten incredibly. “Thank goodness. I thought the talk was going to be about us breaking up.”

You tenderly smiled at him. “How can I break up with you when you sent food every day? Especially when you sent me your delicious home-cooked meals. That’s literally so sweet of you,” you cooed.

Though the cold air coloured his cheeks rosy, your compliment made his cheeks turn beet red. He giggled it off and showcased his beautiful heart-stopping smile. “I love you too, Y/N.”

- ❀ -

Ten had spread the news of you getting into touch with Taeyong at the speed of light. When Taeyong brought you to his place, everyone was waiting to see the good news. Mark jumped repeatedly on the spot in excitement, squealing and slapping Yuta’s arm in the process. “Ow Mark!” Johnny gave Joy a side hug, and observed a faint pink colour her cheeks, smiling at her. Joy finally forgave Taeyong after you had done so. As long as you were happy with him and everything got sorted out, she was happy. And last but not least, Jaehyun. He was very delighted to see his roommate win your heart again that his dimples were permanent on his face the entire day.

The big day arrived. Valentine’s day. Jaehyun had once told you that it was a blessing to have his birthday fall on a special day. He would receive double the gifts from his admirers. He recalled his high school days where gifts were piled on top of his desk and the locker would be filled with both birthday wishes and love letters. He was beyond excited to see his new friends prepared for his birthday slash Valentine’s day party.

Joy, Johnny and Ten had already gone to the venue to set up everything, while Mark and Yuta were in charge of taking Jaehyun around the city before bringing him there.

In the meantime, you were granted to have some quality time, as said by Ten, with your boyfriend before the party.

Boyfriend.

Taeyong.

The thought of him made you squeal in happiness, feeling warm and fuzzy in your heart.

Your heart leaped when you heard the doorbell ring to your apartment, signaling your loveable boyfriend’s arrival. When you opened the door, you found him affectionately smiling at you with crinkling eyes, holding a bouquet of red roses.

You grabbed his arm, pulled him inside and closed the door. When his gaze landed on your outfit, his eyes blew up. “Are you wearing a dress?”

Your heart was beating super fast, excited to show off the rose print dress. “Yeah! Do you like it?” You did a little twirl to make the dress flow. “I know it’s cold outside but as long as I’m with you, I’ll be warm,” you said, grinning widely.

Taeyong was close to fainting from your cuteness. “It’s really beautiful. I’ve never seen you wear a dress before.”

You nodded. “Yeah I don’t really like wearing one. But I saw this and thought it’d be perfect to wear it on a special occasion. Like today for Valentine’s day. Plus you love red roses.”

He did love red roses, the ones that resembled the scar beside his right eye. And you remembering it made his heart beat erratically in his chest. He pulled you into a crushing hug, holding you close to him as he placed a kiss on your forehead that ignited your entire soul.

“Okay as much as I love your hugs, the flowers are poking me, Tae,” you laughed.

“Oh.” He let you go, holding up the bouquet for you. “It’s Valentine’s Day so I wanted to give you these.”

You took hold of the red flowers, admiring their beauty. “Thank you. They’re really beautiful. Like you.”

He coughed, getting all shy from your compliment attack. “Only because it’s Valentine’s day. If it wasn’t, do you know what I’d get you?”

You frowned and shook your head. “No. What?” Your heart soared upon seeing the sweetest smile broke onto his face.  

“Magenta lilacs.”

[presidentrhodes]

iron husbands?

yaaaaaas thank u ❤️❤️❤️

who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter

tony is the hunter; he comes from a long family of hunters who hunted werewolves in europe and then crossed the pond to come to the us. rhodey is heir/alpha to one of the royal bloodlines and centuries of survival instincts carved into his very dna has taught him to keep a low profile. rhodey's kept an eye on tony since college because their respective bloodlines have a long, bloody history. when wolves start turning up dead, rhodey assumes tony must be responsible, so he shows up in new york, ready to put tony's entrails on display in time square as a statement to the humans. except, to his surprise, he finds out tony has not only left his family's bloody history behind in the past, he's become a vocal activist campaigning for the rights of magical creatures in the country, including the werewolves. cue, rhodey and tony team up to find out who's killing the wolves and take them down; in the process, they obviously fall in love.

who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman

tony is the mermaid; he's been cast out of his family because of a mistake that got many merpeople and other marine creatures killed. he's been struggling to survive in the vast depths of the ocean, depressed, lonely and almost going out of his mind. one day, he sees a fishing boat capsize; while the land breathers are obviously an enemy, he ignores his basic survival instincts to help the fisherman struggling to stay afloat in the rough waters. tony brings the fisherman to a nearby island, with lots of greenery in the middle and no humans on it, and tends to his wounds (a broken arm, cuts and bruises etc). when the fisherman comes to, tony learns his name is rhodey and that, like him, he had also been cast out of his family and has nowhere else to go; that's why rhodey had set off for the ocean, hoping the waters would take him somewhere new. tony proposes that given their similar situation, they can begin their life anew on the island. and rhodey agrees.

who’s the witch and who’s the familiar

tony's the witch, rhodey is the familiar. tony spent the first 20 years of his life thinking he didn't have magic, even though everyone in his family is a witch or a warlock. rhodey's an animagus; his animal form is a grey wolf, and he had been with tony since he was a puppy and tony an infant. one day, tony is being chased by a wendigo and rhodey leaps in front of it to save tony's life, getting seriously wounded in the process. tony panics because rhodey's literally bleeding out in his arms and he summons every last bit of strength and wills rhodey's wounds to close shut. they do; and suddenly tony feels the magic surge through his veins, beat against his pulse and thrum in his ears. rhodey's wounds heal completely within minutes and tony, with his newfound powers, drags his best friend and familiar to the nearest bar for a celebratory drink because "fuck you, howard, i'm a witch."

who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict

tony is the barista. he runs a small coffee shop that fits barely 10 people indoors and business has been bad ever since a fancier café opened across the road. tony knows he's going to probably have to close down soon and move out of the city because he can no longer afford rent. one night, right before he's about to close for the day, a tired businessman comes stumbling in and offers a $100 bill for a cup of coffee. tony notices how distressed and tired the man looks, so he lets him in and makes him a strong cup of coffee and warms up some meat pie, which the latter accepts gratefully. he finds out that rhodey's under a lot of stress because the board of directors at his company is trying to oust him from power. tony lends rhodey a listening ear that he desperately needs and they stay there in the café until 3am. from next day onwards, rhodey becomes a regular patron at the café, but business still dwindles until one day, tony puts up a notice outside informing customers that he will close down by the end of the week. rhodey doesn't show up for the next several days and tony assumes he probably gets his coffee from the other café now; until, on friday, as tony's about to close his outlet for the final time, rhodey shows up and hands him a stack of papers: it's the purchase deed for the space across the road. turns out, rhodey made the other café owner an offer they couldn't turn down. rhodey tells tony that he quit his job as ceo of his company and asks tony if he wants to be business partners. within a month, they're running the café from across the road and business has never been better; tony still works as barista from time to time even though they now have 10 full-time staff and rhodey's already talking about plans to create more franchises across the country. at some point, they evolve from being just business partners to...well, partners.

who’s the professor and who’s the TA

tony's the TA/PhD candidate and rhodey's the professor. they are both astrophysicists by training and they study pulsars for research. needless to say, their academic opinions differ plenty and whenever tony isn't marking problem sets and rhodey isn't lecturing young, impressionable minds, they're arguing about pulsars and what they can tell the world about matter and the existence of other exo-planets over a night cap. tony is envied by the other doctoral candidates in his year because he gets to spend so much time in professor rhodes' proximity (hello??? hot, youngish professor who's super accomplished, super smart, has some graying hair, wears tight polos and black-rimmed glasses? fucking hell...) in this instance tony's like 29, rhodey's about 34.

who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

rhodey's the knight and tony's the prince. here's the backstory: tony's mum was king howard's first wife. when howard remarried, he had another son, prince arno. per the kingdom's rules on succession, you can only ascend the throne if you're of pure royal blood. tony's mum was a commoner, so she was never afforded the royal title of queen, whereas howard's second wife was a princess from a neighbouring kingdom. that said, king howard wants tony to inherit the throne, something that many of his close advisors as well as arno and his mother refuse to accept. they see tony as an impediment and when howard falls ill, numerous attempts are made on tony's life. tony is obviously very booksmart and he excels at strategy, which is why howard wants him to be king. when howard senses a possible civil war could be brewing in the kingdom, between supporters who want tony to be king and those who'd prefer arno, he calls aside a young knight, sir james, and makes him swear on his life to protect tony. (howard knew tony and rhodey had been childhood friends, which is why he approached him in the first place) when shit hits the proverbial ceiling, rhodey protects tony from all manners of assassination attempts until arno and his mother are finally thwarted and kicked out of the kingdom. tony becomes king and rhodey becomes his most trusted advisor, friend, confidante, and general. basically, tony hands the keys of the kingdom to rhodey and relies on him and his decisions to run it.

who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent

tony teaches kindergarten and loves his young charges very much. one day, they're joined by a shy, quiet new student, lila, and her overly anxious uncle, james. tony tries to reassure rhodey that lila, who had just lost her parents, would be fine and that he'd make sure she isn't being bullied or harassed for being the new kid. as the term progresses, lila slowly comes out of her shell; she makes friends, she loves recess, she loves colouring, and she is good with numbers. every week tony calls his kids' parents to update them on their children; his conversations with rhodey, however, last twice as long and become twice as frequent, until one day rhodey invites tony to lila's birthday party. tony isn't sure how to read into this: the other parents have never really invited him to their kids' birthdays and yet he doesn't want to turn down the invitation from the rhodes' (mostly because he doesn't want to upset young lila). though nothing happens at the birthday party, rhodey keeps asking him out. it starts under the pretext of wanting to know how lila is doing and morphs into them just spending time together until tony impulsively kisses rhodey on the day of lila's graduation to k2. with lila no longer his student, tony asks rhodey out on a proper date and soon he's spending his weekends at the rhodes' place until about a year later, he moves in with rhodey and lila.

who’s the writer and who’s the editor

rhodey is the editor for the opinions section in one of the top newspapers; he has a pretty fierce reputation of being a hardass editor who would chew and spit out anyone making rookie mistakes in the entire newsroom. new writers and reporters basically cower in fear; tony's an established hotshot columnist who's been headhunted from a rival paper to write a weekly political column. he is pretty well-known among politicos and is well read by a loyal audience, both offline and online. tony is basically used to getting his way until he submits his first copy for edit and rhodey returns it, each page crossed out in red, and with a remark on the final page that read: our company motto may be all news fit to print, but i am not letting this garbage print. tony is furious. how dare someone call his columns garbage when the news organisation is literally paying him a six-figure salary to write them. he marches up to rhodey's office and barges in, ready to fight. but he stops on track and blushes when he realises this asshole editor is the same handsome college senior that tony had a short, deeply physical relationship with almost 20 years ago. the argument just melts away from him and even rhodey can't find it in him to be as curt and critical as he is to the other writers because damn...the encounter brings up a lot of memories and regrets they have both had since leaving college and then losing touch.

send me a ship!

[letsbenditlikebennett]

Un-break My Heart || Ariana & Layla

TIMING: Current PARTIES: @letsbenditlikebennett & @laylacooke SUMMARY: Ariana comes home and finally talks things out with Layla.  CONTENT: Sibling death mentions

It had been almost a week since Layla had returned from her mini mental vacation of destruction. There was so much sitting on her mind, that most days she had avoided interacting with people for fear of what they might say or do. And there were still several people on her list she needed to apologize to. One of those being Ariana. The trailer seemed so empty without her. She had gotten used to Ulf being around, but Layla usually kept to herself and in her room with the door closed, unless it was dinner time or she was outside doing something. The concussion she had received from the blow to the head didn’t help things either, leaving her either overly emotional or laying in a dark room with a headache. And while she could remember the overall events of last week, smaller details were forgotten.

Today had been a headache day and laying in the dark felt like the best option. She had heard Ulf leave early that morning leaving her alone in a trailer that once held so much life. Celeste had been on her mind, and as she dozed off to sleep, she dreamed of one of the last times they had spoken to each other.

The week away had given Ariana a chance to clear her head a little bit. All the problems Layla had caused aside, she had a difficult time changing the sense of rage that fired off in her when she thought of her own mind being magically manipulated. While her grief was getting a little easier to navigate, the potential of another layer of guilt had frightened her. She was barely managing to keep it all together and navigate through her loss as it was. She didn’t want to lose herself, lose the person that Celeste had been so proud to call sister. Now that her leg was starting to heal up, she knew she should be here helping Ulf with the cabin. It was meant to be their home after all. She couldn’t avoid Layla forever and she did miss her. She felt ready enough to remain calm while talking this out. She could smell her when she quietly opened the front door to the trailer. The door to their bedroom was closed, so she lightly rapped on it and called out, “Lay, are you in there?”

Layla was deep in a dream about Celeste, when her sensitive ears picked up on the soft knock followed by Ariana’s voice. Jumping, she came out of the sleep she was in and blinked her eyes a few times. The headache she was nursing had subsided somewhat, but was still lingering near the stitched area on her head. Slowly pushing herself up and yawning, she looked over to the door, “Ariana?” She was somewhat confused, but was grateful to hear the girl’s voice. Layla shifted under the blanket on Ari’s bed, so she could face the door; having graduated from the floor to the bed since she had been the only one staying in the room at the moment. Hoping she wasn’t imagining things, she waited for the door to open and the other wolf to come in.

It was now or never. With Layla calling out her name, Ariana opened the door to her room and saw her there, curled up in the bed. It was better than the floor at least. She looked tired and the room was dark, so she figured she must have been napping. Part of her just wanted to leave and let her finish her nap in peace, but if she was ever going to let go of this anger, she had to tell Layla how she felt. She took a seat at the edge of the bed and softly said, “I was hoping we could maybe talk things out, if you’re up for it.”

Rubbing her eyes, she pulled herself up so she could lean against the back of the bed. She knew this day was coming, and while she was glad to see Ariana and to see that she was okay, she had wondered what this would mean for their friendship. It scared her, but Layla had brought this on herself, and it was time to face the music, “Yeah. I think that’s probably what’s for the best.” She gave Ariana a sad smile knowing that this could possibly be the last time they had a heart-to-heart. But Layla had been waiting for this day. It had just come sooner than she had thought it would.

The anger hadn’t completely subsided, but Ariana knew how quickly things could go South in this town and she knew what Celeste would say. Patience and understanding. She tried to emulate that. Tried to hold on to the sound of Celeste’s voice in her mind, guiding her even now. She breathed in and out slowly, keeping her demeanor calm as she asked, “So what happened with that fidget spinner? How’d you end up… like that?”

Layla could sense that Ariana was still angry, and that was fair. The things the redhead had done to her wasn’t right, and she was about to truly find out how the girl had felt, but first she had to explain herself and her motives. Something that was easier said than done, especially having a week to sit on her feelings and to realize how ridiculous her choices had been, but in the moment, they had seemed justified, “I thought it was the right thing to do. To stop feeling everything that I was feeling, especially after killing a man in the woods on the last full moon and remembering it…” She could still hear his screams and it caused the words to hitch in her throat, “But I thought that if I had no heart, I could protect the people I cared about, because if you and Frankie and everyone else were gone out of my life, then you wouldn’t have to deal with my problems anymore. And now…” She let out a long slow sigh, “here you are having to deal with them again.”

Ariana frowned slightly as she listened to Layla explain. She breathed slowly as she tried to process what it all meant. Part of her still couldn’t quite understand. As low as she felt in the thick of her grief, she couldn’t imagine turning that pain off. She couldn’t understand not leaning on the people closest to her, but she tried to remember just how skittish Layla had been when they first met back in that alley. It’d been evident she wasn’t used to the kind of love and support she was being offered here. Her instinct wasn’t to lean on those around her when the world seemed too heavy. Celeste had always encouraged her to be forthcoming with how she felt and always listened to understand. The little family she’d built in White Crest had always been just as supportive. As much as she wanted to be mad about it, she realized Layla had never had that besides with her and Frankie. She knew her parents did a number on her, but the cracks were more apparent now. She could hear the strain in her voice and put a gentle hand on her shoulder as she softly said, “I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to truly understand, but I’m trying to.” She gave Layla’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze, “You’re not alone though, with any of this. You never have to be. And maybe with everything you’ve been through, that’s hard to understand, but we carry things together, okay? We help each other. Please don’t run from me or Frankie or anyone else when things get hard, we’re here for you. I’m here for you.”

She didn’t want to cry. Hell, she even fought not to cry, but she did anyway. How could Ariana be that kind when Layla had almost ruined her life? She really had something special in the people who surrounded her now, but her past seemed to always come back to haunt her, and it made her hard to trust. Years of torment from those who she thought truly loved her. And while the previous week had been a nightmare for everyone around her, and had now put more pressure on Layla, something seemed different. Something within herself. It was as if she could actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. She wanted to push forward. To be better. To do better. The people and the hope she needed lay just in front of her, and she was determined to press forward to reach it. After all, one could only live in the dark for so long, before they had to come out for some form of light. Leaning into Ariana’s hand, she had appreciated the words coming out of her friends mouth, especially knowing this wouldn’t be the end of their friendship, “I know I caused a lot of problems, and maybe one day, I’ll be able to explain to you both what happened in my past, but know that I’m not running anymore. I’m ready to face everything head on and to grow and learn from what I did. I’m tired of fighting myself. I just, for once in my life, want to feel whole. If that even makes sense.”

As mad as she had been, Ariana knew she hadn’t exactly handled things perfectly either. That very anger had gotten the better of her when it came to saving Layla from the spell she seemed to have put herself under. Everything turned out okay and Layla was Layla again, but she knew she’d gotten lucky and she needed to think things through before acting. Plus, she told Layla she’d always be there for her. This wasn’t the first time they’d make mistakes and she knew it wouldn’t be the last. Maybe Layla didn’t quite see it like that just yet, but if she just kept being here, one day she would realize she didn’t have to lone wolf shit. Seeing her cry, Ariana wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Hey,” she whispered, “It’s alright. We’re both going to mess up sometimes. We may need some time apart, but I’m never just going to hate you for making a mistake. It may have hurt me and I’m still trying to understand. You’re always going to be important to me though. I don’t know how to help or know the right answers, but I can be here for whatever you need.”

Knowing Ari was at her side was a relief in some ways, but Layla knew she had been a poor friend. The other wolf had been going through so much herself, and aside from wanting Ari to know how truly sorry she was, Layla also wanted to start being a better companion, “Yeah, I know. But you shouldn’t have to put up with my bullshit anymore, Ari.” She looked to the girl, “I’m going to be making some changes in my life. I’ve had an entire week to think about it, since Ulf isn’t much of a talker.” She looked down and paused for a moment gathering her words. Looking back to Ari, she spoke, “What you’ve been dealing with, I should’ve respected, and I shouldn’t have tried to take that away from you. Starting now, Ariana, I’m going to be a better friend to you. A better packmate. If you need me, I’m here, okay? And, God forbid, if any other so-called Pie Prizes show up on my doorstep, I’m coming straight to you, and we’re going to dispose of them together, so you know there will never be that risk of me doing something so stupid again. I can’t guarantee I won’t mess up in other ways, but at least you’ll know that cursed items won’t be an issue.” She gave a soft, reassuring smile to her friend.

It did mean a lot to her that Layla wanted to work to be a better friend to her and recognized that this all came up at a very difficult time for her. Ariana gave her a soft smile and gave her shoulder another gentle squeeze before pulling her arm away. “You know, at some point you’re going to have to put up with my bullshit, that’s how friendship works,” she explained although having so many friends was still new to her. She and Celeste had their fair share of arguments though and had always come out stronger. “Look, I want you to make these changes for yourself. I’m happy you want to be a good friend to me, but try to prioritize yourself, too, okay? We’re all here to help each other when things get heavy. I’m not going to lie and say the fidget spinner stuff on top of trying to deal with losing Celeste was a lot, but I’m going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.” With a soft laugh she added, “Oh, I already fucking burned my pie prize contest. Don’t know what a dream snatcher is but I probably don’t want it.” She shifted slightly from the edge of the bed and looked to Layla, motioning for her to follow. “Now come one, let’s go have some make-up veggie burgers and vegan milkshakes. I brought some stuff home.”

To say going into this discussion didn’t have her nervous would be a lie. But it had gone so much better than she thought it would. Knowing that she still had a friendship with Ariana meant the world to Layla. Besides Frankie, Ari was her best friend, and she didn’t want to lose that friendship, “I’m certainly working on it. Pack mentality is new for me, and before, it was a dog-eat-dog world. My parents taught me, or tried to teach me, lone survival skills and that’s what got me into this mess. But I know having you, Ulf, Winn, and all the other wolves are what’s going to make me so much better. And um do you think that maybe Frankie could be an honorary member of the pack? Do you think that’s allowed? I don’t know if she’ll pray to the moon, but she's as loyal as a werewolf and tough as nails.” Hearing Celeste’s name, Layla looked to the floor. She had promised Celeste that she would watch out for Ariana, and she had broken that promise. But she was going to make it right, “I made a promise to your sister that I would watch out for you, and I broke that promise, but this is me, here and now, saying from this day forward, I’ve got your back.” She looked Ariana in the eyes as she made the promise, “And you have seen Jumanji, right? It’s probably good you did burn that thing.” Laughing softly, she slowly got off the bed, “You’re too good to me, you know that?” Layla limped towards the door, “And next time we fight, I promise no claws.” With the first real smile in quite some time, she made her way to the kitchen knowing that she would never completely be alone in the world with Ariana having her back.

[khtrinityftw]

An Unintentional Narrative: The Nature of a Beast

Because the writing of the KH Trinity was more collaborative than the writing for the series beyond it (especially past BBS), there was rooms for certain narratives to form organically within it without that having been the plan from the start by any one person such as Nomura. These “Unintentional Narratives” warrant posts of their own.

One such narrative centers around the Beast, cursed prince and master of Beast’s Castle, who finds himself increasingly torn between his humanity and his beastly nature. But what defines both? And is there a balance to be found? While likely unintentional, a full character arc for the Beast formed around these questions.

In Kingdom Hearts, the Beast is introduced to us as a mysterious but mostly positive figure. Belle, his beloved, was taken from his castle to Hollow Bastion, and through sheer force of will he was able to follow the Heartless through the dark corridors. After Sora loses his Keyblade, and both Donald and Goofy along with it, the Beast becomes his sole ally, giving him renewed motivation with his words:

“Why did you come here? I came to fight for Belle. And though I am on my own, I will fight. I’m not leaving without her.” 

The one glimpse of negativity to the Beast’s character is when Riku is able to fool him by playing to his volatile temper, disguising a Shadow as Belle right outside the door to the Entrance Hall and, once the truth is revealed, locking the door once Beast lunges at the Heartless. Keep in mind that Beast had just said that he can feel Riku, Donald and Goofy close by, so if he’d stayed rational then he’d have known this was an obvious trap. But his temper got the best of him, and it might have meant the death of Sora if Donald and Goofy didn’t rejoin him. It’s a big hint as to why Beast is the way he is.

Beast reunites with Belle and everything seems fine. But in Chain of Memories, we get an alternate telling of this scenario. When Beast finds Belle, she acts cold toward him and insists upon staying in Hollow Bastion with Maleficent. Beast’s first reaction is self-pity:

“No-one could ever care for a beast like me.”

Clearly, our badass Beast has a lot of vulnerability and self-worth issues deep down. It turns out that Belle is rejecting Beast because Maleficent’s magic will take her heart the moment she lets its true feelings shine through. This leads to this confrontation:

Belle: You came! No! You mustn't! I told you to leave this place! Leave me alone! I never want to see your face again!

Beast: Belle. All right. If that's how you feel, I understand. My hideous form is punishment for being selfish and unable to love. Transformed into a monster, loved by no one, I only became more selfish.

And then I met you, Belle. You're the only person who accepted me. Little by little, you warmed my cold, selfish heart. The memories of our days together are my most precious. I won't cast them aside. So I'm sorry, but I can't leave you here...even if you hate me for it. Consider it my final selfish act.

Even if he loses Belle’s love forever, Beast is willing to do what he knows in his heart is right for her and bring her back home to her world. This act of love makes Maleficent decide to steal Beast’s heart instead, which is prevented by Belle jumping into the way of the magic blast. After Maleficent is defeated and Belle’s heart restored to her, Belle apologizes for being so cruel to Beast. His response?

“I'm the one who should apologize. For just a moment, I doubted your love. I never want to remember those feelings of despair.”

So not only do we get some hints at the Beast’s origin, that he’s a human cursed to become a beast because of his selfish heart, but the self-esteem issues this has caused him run so deep that it’s possible for him to doubt the love Belle has for him. This was just a memory simulation, but it informs what transpires with the real Beast in Kingdom Hearts II, who falls under the thrall of Xaldin of Organization XIII. Xaldin has put darkness in the Beast’s heart that feeds off all of his vulnerabilities, converting them into a rage that consumes Beast’s mind. The main way Xaldin makes this spell work is to lie to Beast about Belle, claiming that she doesn’t truly love him and is actually using him for his castle, scheming to kill him for it.

Xaldin: It's time you dealt with Belle. She's scheming to take everything you have. This castle, your precious rose. And then---your life. Trust no one. Feed your anger! Only anger will keep you strong.

Beast: I've had enough of strength. There's only one thing I want---

Xaldin: What? To love, and be loved in return? Who could ever love a beast?

Note how similar Xaldin’s line here is to Beast’s in CoM. Xaldin is psychologically abusing Beast and playing off all his worst fears, doubts and inner pain. When all of that is transferred into rage, Beast will truly become a beast: a violent, abusive monster who hurts the people who care about him, thus likely to become a Heartless (and also producing a Nobody). It’s a truly twisted and diabolical plan.

When the Beast’s Castle level opens up, Beast has locked Belle in her room and the castle staff in the dungeon, hinting that he has fully fallen under Xaldin’s dark spell. But as it turns out, Beast was a step ahead of Xaldin from the beginning...he locked them up in order to protect them from what he might do if the rage consumes him.

Goofy: Well, I'll be! That must be why you threw all of your friends down there into the dungeon. You wanted to make sure that you didn't hurt 'em, right?

Beast: Was that it? Was it to protect them?

Goofy: Sure. We know you're good inside.

Despite this, Beast is still so predispositioned to seeing the worst in himself that he assumes he must have hurt Belle during the time spent under Xaldin’s spell.

Beast: I've mistreated her... I've mistreated her and been so selfish.

Sora: She didn't say anything about that.

Beast: She'd never tell anyone of my cruelty... She's too good.

Cogsworth: You see, I'm afraid he judges himself far too harshly.

When he reunites with Belle, we have this exchange.

Beast: Belle... I-I'm sorry---I...wasn't myself. I hope I haven't done anything to hurt you. Forgive me.

Belle: I know you weren't yourself. You don't have to apologize. 

I’m...not quite sure what to make of this. In the context of the story, this makes sense: Beast truly wasn’t himself because an exterior force was involved in controlling him. But if you showed anyone it out of context, then it sounds way too much like a boyfriend who got drunk or drugged up and beat his girlfriend, only to apologize afterward with a half-assed excuse and then she just swallows it and  takes him back. I don’t know if this was intentional, but it probably should’ve been worded better, especially since Beast, despite his fears, did NOT do anything to hurt Belle, and in fact went out of his way to make sure that didn’t happen. However, what he DID do wrong was do this without actually consulting Belle or telling her what was going on, which Belle thankfully does take him to task for.

Belle: But I had hoped...that you might have changed a little bit. I wish you could start trusting me!

Later, Beast has decided to try opening up to Belle more and letting her call the shots, which leads to Belle setting up a ballroom date for the two of them. But Xaldin crashes the party, filling the castle with his forces and stealing Beast’s rose. The loss of the rose is a huge deal to Beast, and he’s so upset about it that he lashes out at Belle. 

Belle: Please, calm down!

Beast: Calm down!? You just had to have a party, didn't you? Don't you see what's happened? The rose... My rose...

Belle: But surely, you can find another rose...

Beast: Silence! You don't know anything!

Thankfully, Sora intervenes at this point. 

Sora: That's not fair, Beast! Don't take it out on Belle! It's not like she stole it!

Beast immediately realizes what he’s doing, and all of the fears of doing something to hurt Belle come rushing back. In fact, this time it’s worse...last time, Xaldin actually did something to him to make his anger consume him, things were beyond his control. But now, there’s no such excuse - it’s all on him. The greatest fear of Beast’s heart comes to the surface now - that not only was the curse placed on him justified because he behaved like beast (read: abusive), but that he can’t change this behavior. That he is a beast to the core, beyond any hope of humanity, and that the lonely, miserable existence he lives is what he deserves to live with forever, and what is needed to protect others from his incurable beastiness. And thus Beast says this:

Beast: Belle... Sora... I want you to leave the castle. Look at me. Look. This is what I am. When you first got here, I tried to change. But I was only fooling myself. I can't be any different. I'll always be a beast. So, I should live like a beast. With no one, alone. Goodbye, Belle.

Sora is able to snap Beast out of his funk by reminding him not only as to how brave and inspiring he was when they first met, which is totally at odds with the negative self-image Beast has cultivated for himself, but that he can’t just abandon the rose as it’s also the only hope his servants have to regain their humanity, and that just accepting being a Beast will only make everyone miserable like they were before Belle came to the castle. If you go to Belle’s room, you get a missable scene where Beast tells Sora that he still wishes for her to leave the castle, as he still feels guilty about lashing out at her and feels that he cannot love her the way she deserves to be loved.

Now, I’ve heard some people say that this whole plotline is too abuse-y for their tastes, due to what’s going on and what is said and all that stuff. I take issue with this, though, for several reasons.

1.) Let’s be real: there was always an abuse-y vibe going on with the Beast in his character arc. Just watch this scene. Do you really not think “abuse” when seeing this? I think it was always kind of the intention that Beast’s nature as a beast was a metaphor for an abusive man, and that the story is a subversion of the “good girl changes an abusive man with her love” cliche, since it’s ultimately Beast’s love for Belle that sparks the change, not the other way around. She doesn’t come close to loving him until he actively changes his ways, becoming a man worthy of being loved, a non-abusive man. The peak of this arc is when Beast has a helpless, pleading Gaston dead to rights. Belle has nothing to do with this moment: in his face, in his eyes, you can see Beast realizes that if he kills Gaston, then he truly is a beast. That this kind of ruthless, violent behavior is what makes one a beast, and that it’s not the way he wants to be anymore. It’s a superb arc in the animated version.

2.) The KH version is an alternate telling. For one thing, the oft-cited “Stockholm Syndrome” crap doesn’t apply here, as there’s no reference made to Belle���s father or her being a prisoner in any way, the circumstances are different and Belle is here of her own free will. Since that moment with Gaston can’t happen here, Beast’s arc needs to have a different climax. What was decided upon was a test of Beast’s resolve, for him to fear becoming an abuser to Belle due to his low sense of self-worth and for those feelings to be used against him to push him into almost becoming an abuser. And it’s done by a REAL abuser, Xaldin, who has stalked Beast for almost a year, learning everything about him, and then psychologically preying upon him in order to hurt him, all while clearly enjoying himself in doing so. Xaldin, like Gaston, is a foil for Beast: someone who looks human but is in fact inhuman in his behavior and because he’s a Nobody. Beast wanting Belle to leave the castle because he fears he’ll hurt her is the equivalent of him letting her leave to help her father in the movie. It is in fact the opposite of abusive behavior, as he is putting her and her needs ahead of his own. Just as with keeping her in her room to protect her from what he might do, it’s proof that Beast is no longer an abusive person, and the tragedy is that he’s too down on himself to see that. If you want some REAL Disney products that outright turn Beast into an abusive partner to Belle, see The Enchanted Christmas and Belle’s Magical World DTV movies.

3.) I fucking love the resolution to the arc. First off, Belle finally has her moment - when Xaldin tries to make Beast choose between Belle and the rose (and he chooses Belle without a second thought), Belle takes advantage of Xaldin smugly letting his guard down, elbows the bastard in the chest, and runs off with the rose, thwarting Xaldin’s plot altogether. Then, we get an important distinction that I feel needed to be made. Violent, anger-fueled behavior is not always bad, it’s not always beastly, it’s not always abusive. It mostly is, but there’s one key exception - when one is protecting the people they love from threats. Beast’s arc comes full circle, as this was what he positively portrayed for in the original game too: he channels his rage and beastly strength in order to fight for his loved ones and protect them from harm. Xaldin is an active threat to Belle and all of her and Beast’s friends, so there’s no shame in Beast helping to kill him.

Xaldin dies, Belle returns the rose to Beast, and is ready to leave the castle as per his wishes. But upon being reminded of his own goodness and Belle’s own strength, Beast realizes that they can make their relationship work after all, and so he asks:

Beast: Belle, I'd like you to stay... With me... Please?

In addition to the phrasing (”I’d like”), the “please?” really seals the deal in how much Beast cares for Belle’s consent, he is asking her permission rather than making any demands of her. Belle accepts, of course, and they dance to the tune of “Beauty and the Beast”. 

In KH2′s credits, the curse has been broken. The Beast is a human again, living happily ever after with Belle, thus ending his arc. An arc about showing not only the audience that someone who was once a bad person is capable of change and of love and of channeling his lesser qualities as a force for good, but to show him that he’s capable of it too. In other words, a faithful reworking of his film arc adapted perfectly to the setting of the KH universe. Very few Disney characters, or even KH characters, have had an arc nearly so rich.

[tiredwritersworld]

Concerning Dwarves

This is a very old story of mine, edited and cut into more manageable parts. It’s a Dragon Age Origins and The Hobbit crossover fic because DAO is my favourite game and The Hobbit is my favourite book/movie. I really hope you enjoy reading this part and leave a comment to let me know what you think! I am hoping to incorporate this into part of a request I had for Thorin however not sure how that will pan out just yet. - L

The grand hall of the Iron Hills echoed with the cries and argument of the Ironfoot dwarves. There had been a great feast that night to welcome the dwarves from the east and the food had been ate, the ale drunk and the songs of old sung. 

Talk now turned to more delicate subjects. That of the dwarves from the east’s exile and it had ruffled more than a few feathers and readied more than a few weapons. 

“And are we to trust the word of she who killed her own kin?” Lord Dain of the Iron Hills roared. The she in question sighed tiredly at his words. She tilted her head to her advisor, a tall and strong dwarf clad in leather armour with long and dark plaited hair, a long plait beard and green eyes that spoke of the danger lurking within. His name was Gorlin, a smith by trade these days but in the mountain they once called home he was of the warrior caste, protector and advisor to the Princess and also her very best friend. 

Gorlin’s blood rose to his face in his ire and he made to stand but she gripped his arm and pulled him back to his seat. 

After a moment to collect herself the Princess rose and unsheathed her blades, laying them upon the table. The hall fell silent but for the tankards clanging noisily as the dwarves drank. All eyes fell upon the swords. They weren’t very long, but sharp and glowed a deep red with the runes Gorlin had carved into them, a magic powerful and unyielding to it’s foes. The dwarves were the only race able to wield such power and control with magic and yet unable to cast themselves. She realised of course that it was an insult to withdraw her weapons in such a place but she had a point to make.  

“Lords and Ladies of the Iron Hills...” She called looking out over the hall and meeting their gaze. “These weapons you see before you have seen many a battle and taken many lives in their short years. They were forged in the fires beneath the earth, in the stone that I once called my home, at a time when I was ignorant of the politics of our people. I cared not for the rule of the mountain.” She swallowed deeply running her fingers across the hilt of one of her blades and took a deep breath before continuing. “I was naive and cared only to prove the weapons I wielded to be true. And I did just that.” Lifting one of the blades she held it up, running a hand down it’s curved surface. “It was my naivety that allowed my brother and heir to the throne to be killed. But these blades that you see before you did not know his blood. I lament the loss of Trian more than any of you here today, but I did not kill him.” She finished and sheathed her weapons once again. As she sat unable to meet their gazes Gorlin rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder. 

“Then who was it!” They heard a voice call from the back of the hall and the dwarves erupted in calls of agreement and question.

“Bhelen killed Prince Trian!” Gorlin suddenly roared standing from his seat, jolting the table forward as he did so. Shouts of disapproval and disbelief sounded out. 

“It’s true! I saw it with my own eyes!” Her guards yelled, they were only ones from the mountain they called home who  would follow her on such a journey. Their confirmation seemed to abate the other dwarves who settled back in their seats and simmered down somewhat.  

“Well Lady Aeducan, if this is true what has become of Prince Bhelen? We received word that Lord Harrowmount took rule of the mountain.” Lord Dain said turning his attention lazily back to the Princess.

“Bhelen is dead. He died by my hand, witnessed by the lords of the assembly. It was an honour killing.” She replied steeling her gaze toward him, the storm brewing in her eyes dared him to challenge or question her actions.  

“Aye indeed? Then it was done properly.” Lord Dain said seemingly satisfied by her answer. “I suppose King Harrowmount can confirm your version of events?” He asked and she gave a nod in response. “Then you are welcome to stay in the Iron Hills and your say in the affair of the companies quest will be counted.” He finished and she gave another nod standing to bow fully. 

“You have our thanks my Lord.” She replied softly before resuming her seat. Music and merriment ensued not long after and she leaned in close to Gorlin. “We will discuss this further at camp but I would not stay here a night if my life depended on it...” She said in hushed tones and he bowed his head in agreement.

The camp was bustling with dwarves, some sharpened their blades, others saw to the war hounds they had managed to secure on their journeys and the rest busied themselves preparing for their journey across middle earth. Word had already reached them of the discussion with the Ironfoot clan and so they prepared to leave before first light. 

“The nerve of him... He who doesn’t even own claim to a throne!” Gorlin growled once he was sure they would not be heard by any prying ears.

“It matters not Gorlin, there is something else that troubles me greatly.” The princess said as she ducked into the royal tent. Standing over the small makeshift table with a map of Middle Earth spread out over it, she ran a finger across it’s surface thoughtfully. 

“You fear for the company?” He asked.  

“Yes... I expected nothing less from Lord Dain but we may yet be able to offer them safe passage to the lonely mountain.” She replied and he leaned back against a wooden beam folding his arms over his chest.  

“And if this Oakenshield is anything like his cousin?” He asked, his brow quirked knowingly and she laughed softly shaking her head. 

“Then we will know that we did what was right.” She replied smiling up at him. “Gorlin we knew that this was never going to be easy. We are exiles now and we may never find a home but there is one thing, in that we may take some comfort.” She began and took long steps towards him, pulling his large and calloused hands into hers. “We did not betray our king, we acted with honour.” 

“Aye... You’re right my lady.” He said offering a small smile and squeezing her hands gently. “Do we know what route the company will take?” He asked and she turned back to the map. 

“Not entirely though I suspect they will want to reach the mountain as soon as they are able. I suppose they will take the quickest route through Mirkwood...” She traced the dotted path on the map with her finger. 

“If we travel as far as Rivendell we may meet them on the way. Or do you propose we wait for them at the lonely mountain?” Gorlin questioned as he poured over the map before them. 

“No, we mustn’t wait. They number only 13 Gorlin though I suppose the wizard makes that 14, I know not much of this place but it’s not safe to undertake such a quest with numbers like that. Dwarves or no.” She replied and he nodded his agreement. “I say we send a smaller party to Rohan.” She said tapping it with her finger and wrinkling her nose thoughtfully. 

“Aye, it would be better to cover all bases.” Gorlin agreed. “I’ll send two scouts ahead tonight to see what knowledge they can gleam of the company’s location.” He added. 

“Yes, and please tell the others to rest well. They’ll need it.” She said sighing deeply and rubbing her face. He smiled affectionately back at her before leaving the tent and seeking out the scouts in question.

Sleep came and went and the Princess lay awake in her bed roll listening to the men quietly dismantling the camp they had set up there. She knew she should get up and help but her muscles ached and cried out for a few more moments rest before the journey ahead and so she allowed herself that.

The men whispered advice and orders amongst amongst themselves and she smiled, somewhat sadly as she listened to them. 

In truth they were the finest of smiths, warriors, miners, nobles and merchants and even the finest dwarves she had ever known. When word had spread of her banishment they had exiled themselves and followed her into the deep roads to ensure her safety. They, all 87 of them, had been aware of Bhelen’s plot and when their pleas fell on death ears, they had agreed their place remained with her.

Despite her protests they insisted on treating her as the Princess she once was, bowing low whenever she passed and insisting upon the royal tent whenever they made camp. They had taken up ranks and despite their small numbers they were a Kingdom unto themselves and she their leader.

  Some of them whispered about the journey ahead. She’d heard mention of the line of Durin and murmur of approval and agreement that they should offer their aid, which encouraged her as she sat up and began stretching out her tired limbs.

Upon hearing her stir in the tent, Gorlin gave a quick nod to a dwarf packing away a large cauldron.  

“Fadic take her majesty some breakfast.” He said as he finished strapping his weapons belt across his chest, securing the axe sheath to his back. “Be sure to announce yourself before entering mind...” He added with a quiet chuckle and the older dwarf laughed gently back as he pulled out the plate he’d kept aside for the Princess. 

“Aye, I wouldn’t dream of it otherwise.” He replied and hobbled over to her tent. He was a short portly dwarf with a wisp of white hair and a long beard that made even Gorlin envious. It reached past his round stomach and was full and soft even when plaited. 

“My Lady Aeducan?” He called gently from the other side of the cloth.  

“Come in Fadic.” She called back quietly. 

“I have your breakfast my lady.” He said bowing low before handing her the plate and cutlery. “I’m afraid it will be quite cold now as we thought it better to put out the fire. Best not alert them to our plans just yet!” He said Jovially and she smiled up at him with a mouthful of scrambled eggs.  

“Good idea.” She replied between bites. 

“When you’re finished we’ll be taking yours down.” Fadic gestured to the cloth around them. “Then I think we’re about ready to get going.” He finished and she patted the seat next to her on the bedroll. 

“How are the men’s spirits today Fadic?” She questioned balancing the plate on her lap as she turned to face him. 

“Aye they are in good spirits. Glad to be helping our kin and glad to have full bellies I should imagine.” He replied with a warm smile, thinking on how she had done right by them the moment they’d left the mountain. Securing food and mounts with what little coin she had left. They had all of them laboured in the towns of men and elves on the journey to Middle Earth and no dwarf amongst them would forget how much work she had done to allow them the comforts they secured and enjoyed. For her part she had taken on quests from the city guards, parents of lost children and even worked in taverns serving ale in order to provide. They themselves had offered their smithing services and sold weapons, jewellery and all manner of things in the towns and had acquired a small wealth amongst them which would see them through for a while yet.  

“Well I am glad to hear it Fadic.” She said after she finished her meal. He took her plate and hobbled back out to clear it and store it away. 

When she emerged the dwarves made quick work of dismantling her tent and she made her way to Gorlin who had readied her mount for the day ahead.  

“Have we been seen yet?” She asked and he shook his head as she climbed atop the dark war hound she had affectionately named Gorim. “And the scouts?”

“No word yet. We leave on your command my lady.” He said upon noting the dwarves were packed up and awaiting their orders.

“Ok, we will meet the scout on the way. What of the men travelling south?” She enquired. 

“They know what to do, Derjun is leading them.” He replied and she gave a short nod in approval. 

“We leave now Gorlin.” She said.  

Atop his own war hound Gorlin raised a fist, the signal to march on and she gently patted Gorim who began a slow pace into the trees.  

[godemperor307]

Conqueror and the Red Wolf Chapter 2

Sansa sent letters to all the lords of Westeros that she had retained independence, but managed to negotiate an alliance with Daenerys Targaryen, as well as the existence and grave threat of the Dead beyond the Wall, which was quickly approaching. She had Jon leave a strong rearguard at Eastwatch, and the castle nearest to it, Last Hearth. The Umbers took to this task with earnestness, commanding a full garrison there. Token garrisons were placed in the surrounding castles, all armed with Dragonglass weapons.

The relationship between the Red Stark and the Silver Dragon deepened in secret. Many began to wonder why exactly it was that the silver haired queen chose to keep such close companionship with whom logically should have been her rival. But Sansa put aside such thoughts and enjoyed her cute girlfriend’s kisses. Their campaign in the south was bringing Euron and Cersei to heel. Dragons proved unstoppable to any army she fielded and were instrumental in the Siege of Pyke, along with Theon who led the first vanguard through the breach. Sure enough, southern Westerosi lords all flocked back to the side of the Dragon Banner, as it was before the days of the Mad King. Any Ironborn who bent the knee were also allowed to live, under Queen Yara, who executed Euron herself and pledged to join Daenerys with fresh reinforcements after the last Euron loyalists had been defeated.

Suddenly Sansa heard something in the distance. Horns of the North blowing proudly and wolf banners flapping in the cool wind. Prince Edmure kneeled before her. “My queen, Prince Jon’s host is approaching.” Sansa nodded. She would finally reunite with Arya and Bran. Sure enough, they arrived and Sansa flung herself into Arya’s arms. Arya was wearing a Northern-style coat and most of the baby-fat was gone, leaving a tough, fierce warrior. “Missed you, sis.” She whispered into Arya’s hair. “You better tell me everything. How exactly did you convince the Dragon Bitch?” “Don’t talk- I’ll explain later.” Arya looked at her curiously but let it pass. “How did you survive? You disappeared from King’s landing after Father….” “Long story. I came back after you and Jon beat the Boltons. I almost didn’t come back home. I went to kill Cersei.” Sansa smirked. “I’m working on it. How would you-” Arya grinned back. “You’re not the selfish stupid little girl I used to know.” “No……I suppose life forced me to grow up. Where did you go? After Father died, you disappeared.” ”I was in the company of the Hound, and then I sailed to Braavos. But I never could have survived what you survived. I would have tried to kill the Lannisters every day since Father….” Arya embraced her again. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you, Sansa. Please accept me into your Queensguard. I can handle myself.” “It’s quite alright. You’re here now. You sure you want to-” “I’ve never been suited to be a princess, Sansa. As much as you are suited to being queen, that’s never been the life for me.” “Very well, sister. I will find a place for you in my guard. Say your Queensguard vows within the week.” Finally, Bran spoke up. “Hello, sister.” Sansa flung herself onto Bran, and the three siblings engaged in a group hug. “Hi, Bran. I missed you so much.” “I am truly sorry”, Bran said, barely above a whisper. “I saw your wedding. I saw what the Boltons and Lannisters did. I wish I could have prevented it.” “I’m just happy you’re here now.” Sansa said, pained. The lone wolves died but the pack had managed to reunite. Arya spoke up again. “So why have you joined the North to the Dragon Bitch?” “Actually, Arya…we’re in love.” “WHAT?” Arya screeched. “I went on a diplomatic mission to negotiate an alliance against Cersei. Things happened. She courted me.” “But….you were so boy-crazy…Remember Joffrey-“ “Never say that name in my presence. I was a foolish young girl with dreams and fantasies, I admit it, but I am sure of my feelings. It never mattered that we were both women. There are far stranger traditions in her family.” “No kidding…” “You should not speak of this to the public. It could destroy everything we’ve built, the entire alliance. I am only telling you and Bran because you are family and deserve to know.” “I understand,” said Bran. “Ugh…fine, sis. I still don’t trust her. If she ever hurts you…” “I will warn her, Arya,” Sansa giggled.

A horn sounded at that moment, announcing the arrival of the rest of Jon’s united host to join the Targaryens waiting outside the city. All told, over a hundred thousand men, awaiting the signal to begin the final assault up the walls of the capital. Many among Daenerys had initially wanted to simply attack the Red Keep with Drogon, now that nearly all of Westeros had rallied to their side. but the Queen in the North advised against it. Neither her nor her girlfriend had any wish to harm innocents unnecessarily.

She could not get enough of her sexy dragon, savoring the taste of Daenerys’ skin, her soft lips, the mounds of her soft breasts pressing up against Sansa’s own. They pulled apart however when they heard someone coming. Prince Jon burst in, furious. “They lied to me! Father lied to me.” “What is going on, Jon?” Sansa asked softly. “I am Aegon Targaryen, the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark!” he shouted. “Howland Reed, Sam and Bran told me everything. Father should have told me this before I first left Winterfell. He sent me to the Wall, knowing what it was, who I really was, when I could have avenged my true family and killed Gregor Clegane.” Daenerys eyed him sympathetically. “if this is true, then I am not as alone as I once thought. It is a pain beyond what anyone should suffer through, to think you are the last remaining member of your family.” “Yet Mother and Father foolishly started a civil war, all based on a lie apparently. Rhaegar did not rape her. She went with him willingly. Thousands died for it.” Jon snarled. “How many millions might live because of the love I have for your cousin, Jon? We united Westeros and are currently marching to save it. Love is much more powerful than you think.” “We need you, Jon. I don’t care what Bran says. We were raised together. You’re my brother and heir. You are a Stark, and a Targaryen. You embody the most admirable traits of both. I need you….” Sansa finished softly. Jon broke down in tears and launched himself into his sister’s arms. “Jon, I will never lie to you. I love you. I always will. If I fall…..you need to lead Westeros to victory, as the rightful prince of our kingdom.” Jon sniffled. “I could never lead as well as you. I don’t want power. Never did. You need not worry about me pressing my claim. You are my queen, Your Grace.” “Thank you, Jon. There is something else you must know about me. Queen Daenerys and I have fallen in love. We just told Arya. I hope I have your support.” Jon did not hesitate. “It goes without saying, Your Grace, as long as she makes you happy.” At that moment, Jaime Lannister cautiously stepped inside the tent. He was stopped by the Lady Commander, who hissed “Back, Lannister, or we will kill you. Why did the guards let you pass?” “I only seek to serve the queen, Brienne. They know that.” “Bloody terrible job you did of that. She’s surrounded and soon to be dead.” “Not Cersei. Sansa. I once promised her mother I would protect her, remember? Cersei is dead to me.” He hissed hauntingly. Clearly there had been a falling out, or he was simply abandoning a lost cause. “It’s ok, Brienne.” Sansa turned away from her brother. “Let him pass.” “As you wish, Your Grace.” “Now, Ser Jaime…..why do you wish to join us? Why should we trust you?” Jaime chuckled darkly. “Half your army is savages, eunuchs, and former enemies of yours. One more won’t hurt. If you’ll have me, I’ll help lead your armies against the dead – Yes, I believe you - kill your enemies, and do whatever it takes to earn at least a small part of redemption for myself and my family.” Sansa stayed quiet, weighing her options. “Very well. Kneel, pledge you shall be loyal to me, and it shall be so. I will even grant you the Rock, should we both survive this.” “I humbly pledge my loyalty, Queen Sansa. You shall not regret this. I am humbled by your offer, and I agree to lead my people. I will take command of the Westerlanders on your flank, and lead foraging parties for food.” “See that you do, Ser Jaime.” With that, Jaime rode off to the other side of the encampment. Brienne stiffened. “Is it really wise to trust a bloody Lannister? Mere hours ago, you would have had his head on a spike, Your Grace.” “If this war has taught me anything, Brienne, it’s to forgive but never forget. Jaime Lannister tried to kill my brother. You think I don’t want to make him suffer? It is the right of a queen to punish her enemies. However, that is not the kind of queen I want to be. We’ll never get through this if I or my bannermen act out every last grudge or battle amongst ourselves.” “But-“ Prince Edmure snarled “Question your queen again, woman.” “It’s quite alright, Uncle.” He growled disapprovingly. The next morning, Sansa sent a messenger, intending to give Cersei one last chance to work out the terms of her surrender. Daenerys disagreed. “I can send Drogon to do one passover and it is likely they all will simply throw down their weapons and surrender. It’s mostly sellswords, Sansa.” “That is not the queen I wish to be, ruling through fear. If they fight for gold, they won’t want to die against nearly one hundred thousand men. I do not believe that Cersei is ready to die either. She will do whatever it takes to keep her power. I believe that means bending the knee. Even Balon Greyjoy bent his knee before Robert Baratheon.” “Yes, and then he betrayed the Baratheons.” “I know. However, has Queen Yara not reformed the ironborn and made them staunch allies of ours? I feel that the same can be done for the Lannisters.” “Very well, my love. However, if negotiations go south, we do this my way.” “Your Graces….” Arya interrupted. She eyed Daenerys warily, having never truly trusted her. “Arya? We’re about to begin the parley. Go back to your post.” “Forgive me, Your Graces. Perhaps the men could do with a speech. Last night, half the army were drunken fools, Jon included. The new arrivals also seem to have doubts about you two.” “I see. Thank you, sister. Rally the Queensguard. I will speak to them.” Sansa declared fiercely. Arya bowed and left. Before Sansa could leave, Daenerys muttered something. “D?” “I said…I love you, my wolf.” Sansa’s heart soared, and pounded in her chest. Daenerys had never said that before to her. This drop dead gorgeous bombshell loved her? It almost defied her imagination. “Oh D, I love you too, my dragon. From the moment I met you, I did.” Daenerys grinned genuinely, and gave her one last peck. Sansa then rode out to the head of her gigantic army, which had gathered outside.

Her messenger had returned and reported that there would soon be a parley from the leadership of the city’s defenders. A dozen riders came from the gate, carrying a flag of truce. Including……

“False Queen Sansa, Daenerys the Usurper, I present to you, Queen Cersei of the Iron Throne, rightful ruler of the Seven Kingdoms.” The Lannister knight snarled. “Little dove” Cersei Lannister sneered mockingly. You rose high, didn’t you? But a weakling is still a weakling. I see you brought my brother. Pity…...” “Cersei, the game is up! You must see that! Three Dragons would be difficult enough to fight, let alone Dothraki, Ironborn and Unsullied. Your sellswords and ballistas won’t stop them.” Jaime pleaded. “Qyburn assures me they are able to pierce through solid stone-“ “And It won’t stop them!” “Sansa…” Cersei sighed, ignoring her brother she had now given up for dead. “Did you really think I rode out here to issue a surrender? I did not. I only did to get a final look at my enemies, before burning them to the ground. Do you really think I would bend my knee before eunuch scum and flea bitten horselords? Before the man who murdered Father?” Sansa smiled “No, honestly I was not expecting a surrender from you. However, it does me good to see you again. You taught me much about ruling. Thank you for your lessons, Queen Cersei. I wanted you to see what those lessons have made me become.” “You can skulk back home, you little cunt!” Cersei screeched. “You can take this city, over my dead body-“(“Actually, that’s more or less the idea,” quipped Edmure)- and a pile of burning ash and stone. You think because you put a crown on your silly little murderous head, that you have become better than me? You are even more arrogant than I thought. It would be depressing, really, if it wasn’t so hilariously pathetic. Send your armies, then. I will burn them!” With that, she turned and rode off back inside. Sansa smirked, and turned to her mighty host. “I look around and much of you know me. I am Sansa Stark, rightful Queen in the North, Vale and Trident, and I fight with the rightful Queen of the South, Daenerys Stormborn. Many years ago, the Vale, North, Trident and Stormlands all rose in rebellion against a mad monarch. The Trident couldn’t have defeated the Mad King by themselves, but heroes like my father rode with them. Now, another fire obsessed monarch would have us all on our knees! We won at the Rock. We won at the Blackwater Rush. We won at Pyke. I mean to destroy once and for all, those who have favored power and greed over honor and loyalty, who slaughtered my family and gave my home to murdering, flaying cowards. One last legion of foolish men lies awaiting us inside those walls. The Golden Company.

“They fight for Cersei’s lies, trinkets and bribes. You fight for your homes, your families, your very future that will be wrested free of tyranny and slaughter. Every second we let them keep control over Queen Daenery’s lands is an abomination I cannot tolerate. Today, none of us belong to any one house or culture. Dothraki, Unsullied or Westerosi. We belong to the cause of justice, freedom and courage. To those still trapped in that city under Cersei’s tyranny, I say only this: hold on, we’re coming. I declare that on this day, madness has seen its final sunrise!” A massive cheer erupted. “RED WOLF! RED WOLF! RED WOLF!” Daenerys quickly landed beside her girlfriend. “That was one Seven Hells of a speech, Sans. You are ten times the queen I will ever be.” Sansa smiled lovingly and proudly. Daenerys took this as her signal and mounted Drogon to provide air support for the oncoming rush of artillery pounding the walls, before the first wave rushed in.

If the Lannisters feared Stannis’s attempt to do the same, they were soiling their trousers at this sight. Cersei herself stared out from the Red Keep at the seemingly endless hordes approaching her without mercy, seemingly still confident she could burn them. Sansa watched the battle with interest. Sure enough, sellswords had no reason to die for nothing and began surrendering to Sansa and Daenerys’ mighty scaled sons. Suddenly, she felt rumbling. Was the Earth itself trying to deny them victory? She felt only burning before her sister and Brienne pulled her away in time. She stared aghast at the destruction. You really did it, you mad bitch. Cersei had decided to let Sansa be queen after all, over ash, fire and dust. The wildfire ignited, swallowing the Red Keep and everything within the walls. However, none of the Dragons had been hurt, safe as they were flying overhead, and they had more than enough men for the war against the Night King “Are you alright, honey?” Sansa’s girlfriend whispered with tender care and concern, once she landed in the camp. “I am fine, D. I can’t believe she did that. But this is not over. We need to get our remaining forces to Winterfell.” “One thing at a time, honey. You got burnt a little.” She softly caressed Sansa’s cheek. “I am okay. Check for survivors. Leave a garrison behind to protect the Crownlands. Then get the men in formation, to start marching north.” Daenerys, Jon and Arya all stood before her, refusing to move, and then kneeled. What was this? “What are you doing? Stand up, please.” Daenerys then declared “Sansa Stark, our Alliance is over.” Sansa almost sobbed. They were rebelling? Leaving? Breaking up? Did Daenerys not love her? But why? They had just defeated Cersei once and for all. Cold sadness and despair was quickly replaced with burning rage for this vicious and cruel betrayal. “I formally bend the knee to you, Queen Sansa of the Seven Kingdoms, First of Her Name.” This was beyond anything Sansa ever expected. She continued sniffling and crying. “B-Bu-“ “I could think of no one better. I have made some foolish mistakes, yet you can rally together a continent. Look at them. You’re my queen, from this day until my last day.” “W-what about your dragons-” “They shall be in your Queensguard, no?” Ssnsa nodded, laughing in spite of herself. “I will never doubt you again, Daenerys. Today, in the name of freedom and humanity, we shall take our world back from the Night King!” She was truly queen of nearly everything now, with a doting sexy wife in all but name, loyally supporting her. Sure enough, the men began gathering around, a song in their hearts and fire in their bellies. They unfurled the wolf banner, letting it flow in the wind.

Their voices only cried one name. “RED WOLF! RED WOLF! RED WOLF!”

10 years later. “Did you beat the dead people, Mummy?” asked 7 year old Lyanna Stark, whom Sansa and Daenerys had adopted together into the royal court, and legitimized, alongside 6 year old Rhaenys Stark. “Yes, Mummy did, with a lot of help, especially from Mama.” Sansa wistfully explained to her daughters.

However, hurt and pain flashed across her eyes. In truth, it was a nearly hopeless battle and they only barely won at the last second before being completely overrun inside Winterfell. When the dead breached the walls, Prince Jon died on the back of Rhaegal in his final duel against the Night King, saving Sansa’s life but destroying the Night King once and for all in the process, using Longclaw which he had set on fire. Only 5000 of their original host had survived in fighting condition. The Northern fighting men were almost obliterated. Davos, Tyrion, Samwell, Thoros, Beric, Robin Arryn, Arya, Gendry and many others also didn’t make it out alive. Entire houses were lost. But she did not have the heart to admit this yet to her children. “We lost a lot of people. But we recovered and rebuilt slowly over these last 10 years. A hard-won peace, led by your mama and I.” Sansa said. “But people still want to hurt you, Mummy.” “I won’t let them, sweetling.” Daenerys took that opportunity to walk into the room. “MAMA!” the girls squealed, hugging her tightly. “Hello girls.” Daenerys smiled fondly. “How did it go, honey?” Sansa asked, regarding the two-week diplomatic mission with the Free Cities.

Over the past 10 years since the Battle of Dawn, they had taken the opportunity to slave-raid and bully the weakened houses of Westeros. The absence of Dothraki caused a massive continent-wide war between the Free Cities, Slaver’s Bay and Yi Ti, all of which attempting to reform Valyria and conquer the vacant Targaryen Sea, as it was now known. Daenerys took her dragons and routinely crushed them, however she hoped with this new landmark peace deal, they would cease their slave raids and gradually phase slavery out. “Well enough, I believe. The Essosi slavers will not trouble us for some time.” “Very well. I’m glad your home safe, wife.” Sansa smirked at her. The silverhead laughed and kissed her. Their daughters squealed in delight. “So cute! Mummy, will you tell us about the time you rode your direwolf and killed a Bolton in single combat?” Sansa laughed “What have you been telling them, D?”

They had won the war for the future of their people, Sansa thought nostalgically. They were finally safe, or as safe as they would be for a long time. Her wife, who married her shortly after Sansa changed the laws to allow it, would be her only love. She thought back to when they had first met, young and inexperienced queens desperately fighting for survival. Their alliance ultimately was the only thing that could have won the Battle of Dawn. A victory eclipsing all others and Sansa owed it all to the thousands of brave heroes who fought with her that day, for their Red Wolf, for freedom, for love, for the future of their children to come. She wondered briefly how the tales might be told a hundred, or a thousand years after her death. How would she herself be remembered? The slaughter of the Westerlanders, Karstarks and Umbers still haunted her, wishing there was another way. Tyrant? Conqueror? Hero? Failure for allowing the deaths of nearly her entire family? Just another vengeance-obsessed noble? She decided that she wanted only to be remembered as someone who loved her wife and children. The Red Wolf was never real. She was only Sansa Stark, the whole time.

The End.

[elesianne]

Fëanorian week: Maedhros

A Silmarillion fanfic

Summary: Maedhros discovers that one never really forgets what one learns in youth when he comforts scared children with a song, near the beginning and near the end.

Length: ~2,200 words, Rating: General audiences

Tag-type thingies: characters: Maedhros, Maglor, Elrond & Elros; some keywords: children, family fluff, angst, emotional hurt/comfort

Fëanorian week prompts: Childhood and Adjusting/Coping, to some degree at least

A/N: I wrote this two-part fic as a way of figuring out how to reconcile the popular-within-fandom tropes of Maedhros as a) the eternal babysitter and b) the (at least initially) less enthusiastic 'foster dad' to Elrond and Elros.

The first, fluffy half takes place during the blissful years in Valinor when Maedhros and Maglor are still children. Note on Quenya names here. I use only Maglor's father-name here because I imagine that was the only name he had when this young. The second half takes place some time after the Third Kinslaying so of course there is angst.

AO3 link

*

Lullabies

He leaves his door open a crack and doesn't cover the lampstone, because he knows his brother will seek him out sooner or later and Maitimo doesn't want Canafinwë to trip over his feet in the dark.

Cáno is too old now to seek comfort from servants if he becomes scared of the night while their parents are gone, Maitimo believes, but he is not too old to come to his big brother, certainly not it that brother leaves his door open and light on invitingly.

Their parents rarely spend the night away from their children, preferring to take them along on most trips and to many events, but this time their duties meant they had to leave their sons at home with the servants while they stay at an important party until very late in order to be polite. And Athyallë the nursemaid has her hands full with the newest family addition, baby Turcafinwë, so Maitimo and Canafinwë have manage themselves for the most part.

('But you will be all right, won't you?' had their mother asked at the moment of departure, a flicker of worry in her eyes, looking like she was reconsidering her decision to attend the party.

'Of course they will', their father said, his look more confident if also affectionate.

'Of course we will', echoed Maitimo, his arm around Canafinwë's shoulders, and was rewarded with a smile from his mother and an approving nod from his father.)

It takes a little longer than Maitimo expected for his brother to appear, and he is getting sleepy himself by the time he hears the pitter-patter of small feet from the hallway. He sits up at once and rubs the sleepiness from his eyes.

Canafinwë, wearing a long nightgown and furry slippers that stick out from underneath the hem, peeks shyly into the room.

'Nelyo?'

'Yes, Cáno?'

The dark-haired toddler shuffles closer, a thoughtful look on his face. 'The baby is making noise.'

'He likes to do that', Maitimo nods. Their little brother is a noisy child, whether he is crying in distress or shrieking in delight.

'And his room is right next to mine.'

Maitimo scoots back on the bed to lean against the wall and pats the spot next to him. Cáno climbs on the bed, kicks off his slippers and looks at Maitimo with wide eyes.

'Turco might keep making noise until mother and father come home. I might not be able to sleep. And then I will be tired in the morning and can't go to my music lesson.'

Ah, the all-important music lessons, thinks Maitimo. He had been jealous of them at first. After being allowed to begin his music studies with a renowned tutor at an unusually young age, Cáno had been so excited that he hadn't talked about anything else for weeks.

But then Maitimo had realised that he was always the one Cáno ran to after coming home from his lessons, bursting with the need to share all he had learned with his brother, wanting to hear Maitimo's opinion when he practised and did his homework, and all had been well again.

'Well, that wouldn't do at all. So you can sleep here with me', Maitimo tells Cáno and sees the worry melt from his expressive features.

'Thank you.' Cáno hugs his brother, and then Maitimo jumps down from the bed and tiptoes across the floor to fetch a cushion from a chair. By the time he closes the door and gets back to the bed, Cáno has already taken hold of Maitimo's own pillow and laid down on the side of the bed next to the wall, covers drawn up to his nose.

'Can I cover the lampstone?' Maitimo asks him. 'Or do you mind the dark?'

'Not when you're here', Cáno says earnestly, and Maitimo knows that the worry for being too tired for his music lesson wasn't the only fear that drove Cáno here. He doesn't say anything though, just covers the blue light of his father's crystal lamp, finds his way to bed in the dark and slides under the blankets next to Cáno's small, warm form.

'Will you sing me a lullaby?'

Maitimo raises his brows, safe in the knowledge that Cáno can't see it. 'Didn't Athyallë already sing to you when she put you to bed?'

'She never sings all the verses. I had to sing the last three myself and it's not the same.'

'Very well', says Maitimo who still likes lullabies though he has been too old for them for a while now. 'Which song do you want?'

Cáno names his favourite, and Maitimo sings it to him in a quiet voice. Cáno hums along at first but soon gets drowsy and just listens, his breath tickling Maitimo's jaw as they lie facing each other.

'There. Are you ready to sleep now?' Maitimo asks when the song ends, stifling a yawn himself.

'Yes, thank you.'

From Cáno's tone Maitimo can tell that his little brother still has something he wants to say. 'What is it, Cáno?'

'I felt a little lonely in my room', Cáno admits after a moment. 'In the dark.'

'You know you could have left your lamp on, or your curtains open. Or just have come and slept here to begin with', Maitimo says, kindly if lecturingly.

'I know', says Cáno and burrows deeper into the pillow. 'But I wanted to try to be brave first.'

'You are brave', says Maitimo and settles the covers better over them both. 'But you are still only little. Goodnight, Cáno.'

The only answer is a sleepy sniffle, and then Maitimo's little brother stills.

Maitimo smiles in the dark and closes his eyes.

*

On a stormy night hundreds of years later and an ocean away, and much older and more bitter and broken, Maedhros remembers the nights in his youth when his brothers would seek solace with him when their parents were away, or when one of them had quarrelled with a parent and sought sympathy elsewhere.

Celegorm had usually come to Maedhros in those situations since he and Maglor never understood each other very well, but Carnistir had sometimes gone to Maglor, and the twins in their turn quite often confided in Carnistir who had tried with all his bullheadedness to be a good big brother to them. Curufin had rarely needed anyone aside from their father.

And now they are all gone except Maglor, and even he is away for this particular night, gone to order supplies from a nearby settlement. And the twins, the other twins, no, the third set of twins that Maedhros has had cause to worry over, are crying, probably scared as much by Maglor's absence as the storm raging in the night. They take no solace in Maedhros's presence a few rooms over, and he rather thinks they might become even more scared if he went to their room and tried to comfort them.

The sons of Elwing and Eärendil are no longer afraid of the sons of Fëanor and their folk but neither do they trust them, the only exception being Maglor whose calm manner and lovely songs have lately managed to coax smiles of the half-elf twins. Maedhros they still seem afraid of, and he must admit he has done little to win their trust, to make them less wary of his grim, scarred looks. He thinks Maglor unwise for taking them in and becoming attached.

Loving anything is folly for damned men such as we are, thinks Maedhros as he tries to ignore the quiet sounds of distressed children.

But the crying begins to get on his nerves, frayed as they are these days, though it is not a loud sound. Elrond and Elros are clearly trying to be quiet even in their unhappiness.

Maedhros tries not to care, but he cannot help contrasting these twins crying uncomforted in a lonely room in the abode of those who killed their kin with the days of his childhood when solace was never far away for an unhappy boy, whether from a brother or a parent or other caring grown-up.

It is becoming increasingly clear that he will not find sleep as long as the children continue crying, and as the storm keeps growing and Maglor will not return tonight, there is no reason why they would stop. Maedhros throws his covers aside and stares at the ceiling for a moment.

There is nothing for it but to get up and go to the children to quiet them down, either by scaring them silent or finding a way to comfort them.

The first option seems more likely to Maedhros when he sees the twins flinch as he steps into their room.

'What's wrong?' he barks, painfully aware of how different his voice is to Maglor's gentle tones. Yet he used to be so good at this, at dealing with children.

Children who are all gone now, a voice at the back of his head reminds him. Maedhros forces the bitter voice away and addresses Elrond and Elros again.

'What is the matter? Is it the storm?'

The dark-haired, wild-eyed children huddling together on the bed nod. Maedhros sighs and sits down at the foot of the bed. There is plenty of space between him and the twins, but they keep a wary eye on him nonetheless.

'This is not the first storm this winter, and like others before it, it will pass', Maedhros explains as gently as he can. It is not easy to be gentle now when he has been pushing that side of himself aside for years.

'Maglor was here before', says one of the boys, Maedhros doesn't know which. He hasn't bothered to learn to tell them apart.

'And what would Maglor do during a storm so that you… could fall asleep?' he asks.

These children are proud in spite of their young age and their circumstances, Maedhros has learned, so he will not mention their fear or crying. This much he remembers of dealing with distraught children. Celegorm would become ever more violently unhappy if anyone claimed he was afraid, he recalls.

'He sang to us', says the other twin, and then, before Maedhros has time to even groan and say Of course he did, the first twin asks if he will sing to them now.

Looking into the young grey eyes that gaze defiantly back at him from a face reddened and streaked with tears, Maedhros agrees to sing before he even thinks about it.

This is not a good idea. All the lullabies he knows are in Quenya, a language that must be hateful to these children if they even know it – Maedhros isn't sure they do – and the few songs he knows in Sindarin are songs of war or drinking, not suitable for scared children.

'I don't know many songs, and I am not the singer my brother is', he tries to stall, and occupies himself by going to throw more wood into the fading fire.

'Maglor told us you used to sing lullabies to him when he was little.'

'It was a very long time ago.'

'Do you still remember them?'

'I do.'

'Will you sing one of them to us?'

Maedhros sits down on the bed again, and this time the children don't shy away from him. 'Those lullabies are not in your language.'

Elrond and Elros look at each other. 'We don't care', says the one who always seems to speak first. 'Maglor sings in the old language sometimes too.'

Maedhros makes a noncommittal sound at that. 'Wait a moment,  I'm trying to remember the words.'

The words of Maglor's favourite lullaby arrive eventually, and with them the soft tone meant for soothing fretful elflings. Maedhros stares at the fire while he sings, and if he sees in the flames the faces of those long-ago children he has lost, it is surely just because the 'old language' reminds him of them and not because the burden of their deaths is heavier to bear each day.

Maedhros lets the last words of the song fade into silence before he turns to the half-elf twins.

'Thank you', says the first boy, no longer so defiant.

'You are welcome', Maedhros says, and after a brief battle with himself asks, 'Why did you even ask me? Why would you want to hear me sing? I haven't been especially kind to you.'

The second twin answers. 'You are Maglor's brother, and you are kind to him. And tonight you came for us, and you did not have a sword this time.'

Maedhros doesn't know if it is the partially human blood and nature of these children, or if all children who grow up in a world of war grow up so fast and so wise.

'Maglor will be back tomorrow, or when the storm passes', he promises, not certain whether he means to comfort himself or the twins. 'And I will stay here for the night.'

As Elrond and Elros blow their noses and crawl under covers, Maedhros settles into an armchair by the fire, the warmth of it easing the old ache in his right shoulder.

It sounds like the storm is passing already.

*

A/N: Oh, Maedhros. I do love your tarnished, defiant spirit so.

I posted this on AO3 as well and you are also very welcome to comment there! :)