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army-of-mai-lovers · 4 years

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in which I get progressively angrier at the various tropes of atla fandom misogyny

tbh I think it would serve all of us to have a larger conversation about the specific ways misogyny manifests in this fandom, because I’ve seen a lot of people who characterize themselves as feminists, many of whom are women themselves, discuss the female characters of atla/lok in misogynistic ways, and people don’t talk about it enough.

disclaimer before I start: I’m not a woman, I’m an afab nonbinary person who is semi-closeted and thus often read as a woman. I’m speaking to things that I’ve seen that have made me uncomfy, but if any women (esp women existing along other axes of oppression, e.g. trans women, women of color, disabled women, etc) want to add onto this post, please do!

“This female character is a total badass but I’m not even a little bit interested in exploring her as a human being.”

I’ve seen a lot of people say of various female characters in atla/lok, “I love her! She’s such a badass!” now, this statement on its own isn’t misogynistic, but it represents a pretty pervasive form of misogyny that I’ve seen leveled in large part toward the canon female love interests of one or both of the members of a popular gay ship (*cough* zukka *cough*) I’m going to use Suki as an example of this because I see it with her most often, but it can honestly be applied to nearly every female character in atla/lok. Basically, people will say that they stan Suki, but when it comes time to engage with her as an actual character, they refuse to do it. I’ve seen meta after meta about Zuko’s redemption arc, but I so rarely see people engage with Suki on any level beyond “look at this cool fight scene!” and yeah, I love a cool Suki fight scene as much as anybody else, but I’m also interested in meta and headcanons and fics about who she is as a person, when she isn’t an accessory to Sokka’s development or doing something cool. of course, the material for this kind of engagement with Suki is scant considering she doesn’t have a canon backstory (yet) (don’t let me down Faith Erin Hicks counting on you girl) but with the way I’ve seen people in this fandom expand upon canon to flesh out male characters, I know y’all have it in you to do more with Suki, and with all the female characters, than you currently do. frankly, the most engagement I’ve seen with Suki in mainstream fandom is justifying either zukki (which again, is characterizing her in relation to male characters, one of whom she barely interacts with in canon) or one of the Suki wlw pairings. which brings me to--

“I conveniently ship this female character whose canon love interest is one of the members of my favorite non-canon ship with another female character! gay rights!”

now, I will admit, two of my favorite atla ships are yueki and mailee, and so I totally understand being interested in these characters’ dynamics, even if, as is the case with yueki, they’ve never interacted canonically. however, it becomes a problem for me when these ships are always in the background of a zukka fic. at some point, it becomes obvious that you like this ship because it gets either Zuko or Sokka’s female love interests out of the way, not because you actually think the characters would mesh well together. It’s bad form to dislike a female character because she gets in the way of your gay ship, so instead, you find another girl to pair her off with and call it a day. to be clear, I’m not saying that everybody who ships either mailee or yueki (or tysuki or maisuki or yumai or whatever other wlw rarepair involving Zuko or Sokka’s canon love interests) is nefariously trying to sideline a female character while acting publicly as if she’s is one of their faves--far from it--but it is noteworthy to me how difficult it is to find content that centers wlw ships, while it’s incredibly easy to find content that centers zukka in which mailee and/or yueki plays a background role.

also, notice how little traction wlw Katara ships gain in this fandom. when’s the last time you saw yuetara on your dash? there’s no reason for wlw Katara ships to gain traction in a fandom that is so focused on Zuko and Sokka getting together, bc she doesn’t present an immediate obstacle to that goal (at least, not an obstacle that can be overcome by pairing her up with a woman). if you are primarily interested in Zuko and Sokka’s relationship, and your queer readings of other female characters are motivated by a desire to get them out of the way for zukka, then Katara’s canon m/f relationship isn’t a threat to you, and thus, there’s no reason to read her as potentially queer. Or even, really, to think about her at all.

“Katara’s here but she’s not actually going to do anything, because deep down, I’m not interested in her as a person.”

the show has an enormous amount of textual evidence to support the claim that Sokka and Katara are integral parts of each other’s lives. so, she typically makes some kind of appearance in zukka content. sometimes, her presence in the story is as an actual character with layers and nuance, someone whom Sokka cares about and who cares about Sokka in return, but also has her own life and goals outside of her brother (or other male characters, for that matter.) sometimes, however, she’s just there because halfway through writing the author remembered that Sokka actually has a sister who’s a huge part of the show they’re writing fanfiction for, and then they proceed to show her having a meetcute with Aang or helping Sokka through an emotional problem, without expressing wants or desires outside of those characters. I’m honestly really surprised that I haven’t seen more people calling out the fact that so much of Katara’s personality in fanon revolves around her connections to men? she’s Aang’s girlfriend, she’s Sokka’s sister, she’s Zuko’s bestie. never mind that in canon she spends an enormous amount of time fighting against (anachronistic, Westernized) sexism to establish herself as a person in her own right, outside of these connections. and that in canon she has such interesting complex relationships with other female characters (e.g. Toph, Kanna, Hama, Korra if you want to write lok content) or that there are a plethora of characters with whom she could have interesting relationships with in fanon (Mai, Suki, Ty Lee, Yue, Smellerbee, and if you want to write lok content, Kya II, Lin, Asami, Senna, etc). to me, the lack of fandom material exploring Katara’s relationships with other women or with herself speak to a profound indifference to Katara as a character. I’m not saying you have to like Katara or include her in everything you write, but I am asking you to consider why you don’t find her interesting outside of her relationships with men.

“I hate Katara because she talks about her mother dying too often.”

this is something I’ve seen addressed by people far more qualified than I to address it, but I want to mention it here in part because when I asked people which fandom tropes they wanted me to talk about, this came up often, but also because I find it really disgusting that this is a thing that needs to be addressed at all. Y’all see a little girl who watched her mother be killed by the forces of an imperialist nation and say that she talks about it too much??? That is a formational, foundational event in a child’s life. Of course she’s going to talk about it. I’ve seen people say that she doesn’t talk about it that often, or that she only talks about it to connect with other victims of fn imperialism e.g. Jet and Haru, but frankly, she could speak about it every episode for no plot-significant reason whatsoever and I would still be angry to see people say she talks about it too much. And before you even bring up the Sokka comparison, people deal with grief in different ways. Sokka repressed a lot of his grief/channeled it into being the “man” of his village because he knew that they would come for Katara next if he gave them the opportunity. he probably would talk about his mother more if a) he didn’t feel massive guilt at not being able to remember what she looked like, and b) he was allowed to be a child processing the loss of his mother instead of having to become a tiny adult when Hakoda had to leave to help fight the fn. And this gets into an intersection with fandom racism, in that white fans (esp white American fans) are incapable of relating to the structural trauma that both Sokka and Katara experience and thus can’t see the ways in which structural trauma colors every single aspect of both of their characters, leading them to flatten nuance and to have some really bad takes. And you know what, speaking of bad fandom takes--

“Shitting on Mai because she gets in the way of my favorite Zuko ship is actually totally okay because she’s ~abusive~”

y’all WHAT.

ok listen, I get not liking maiko. I didn’t like it when I first got into fandom, and later I realized that while bryke cannot write romance to save their lives, fans who like maiko sure can, so I changed my tune. but if you still don’t like it, that’s fine. no skin off my back.

what IS skin off my back is taking instances in which Mai had justified anger toward Zuko, and turning it into “Mai abused Zuko.” do you not realize how ridiculous you sound? this is another thing where I get so angry about it that I don’t know how useful my analysis is actually going to be, but I’ll do my best. numerous people have noted how analysis of Mai and Zuko’s breakup in “The Beach” or Mai being justifiably angry with him at Boiling Rock or her asking for FUCKING FRUIT in “Nightmares and Daydreams” that says that all of these events were her trying to gain control over him is....ahhh...lacking in reading comprehension, but I’d like to go a step further and talk about why y’all are so intent on taking down a girl who doesn’t show emotion in normative ways. obviously, there’s a “Zuko can do no wrong” aspect to Mai criticism (which is super weird considering how his whole arc is about how he can do lots of wrong and he has to atone for the wrong that he’s done--but that’s a separate post.) But I also see slandering Mai for not expressing her emotions normatively and not putting up with Zuko’s shit and slandering Katara for “talking about her mother too often” as two sides of the same coin. In both cases, a female character expresses emotions that make you, the viewer, uncomfortable, and so instead of attempting to understand where those emotions may have come from and why they might be manifesting the way they are, y’all just throw the whole character away. this is another instance of people in the fandom being fundamentally disinterested in engaging with the female characters of atla in a real way, except instead of shallowly “stanning” Mai, y’all hate her. so we get to this point where female characters are flattened into one of two things: perfect queens who can do no wrong, or bitches. and that’s not who they are. that’s not who anyone is. but while we as a fandom are pretty good at understanding b1 Zuko’s actions as layered and multifaceted even though he’s essentially an asshole then, few are willing to lend the same grace to any female character, least of all Mai.

and what’s funny is sometimes this trope will intersect with “I conveniently ship this female character whose canon love interest is one of the members of my favorite non-canon ship with another female character! gay rights!”, so you’ll have someone actively calling Mai toxic/problematic/abusive, and at the same time ship her with Ty Lee? make it make sense! but then again, maybe that’s happening because y’all are fundamentally disinterested in Ty Lee as a character too.

“I love Ty Lee so much that I’m going to treat her like an infantilized hypersexual airhead!”

there are so many things happening in y’alls characterization of Ty Lee that I struggled to synthesize it into one quippy section header. on one hand, you have the hypersexualization, and on the other hand, you have the infantilization, which just makes the hypersexualization that much worse.

(of course, sexualizing or hypersexualizing ANY atla character is really not the move, considering that these are child characters in a children’s show, but then again, that’s a separate post.)

now, I understand how, from a very, very surface reading of the text, you could come to the conclusion that Ty Lee is an uncomplicated bimbo. if you grew up on Western media the way I did, you’ll know that Ty Lee has a lot of the character traits we associate with bimbos: the form-fitting pink crop top, the general conventional attractiveness, the ditzy dialogue. but if you think about it for more than three seconds, you’ll understand that Ty Lee has spent her whole life walking a tightrope, trying to please Azula and the rest of the royal family while also staying true to herself. Ty Lee and Azula’s relationship is a really complex and interesting topic that I don’t really have time to explore at the moment given how long this post is, but I’d argue that Ty Lee’s constant, vocal adulation is at least partially a product of learning to survive at court at an early age. Like Mai, she has been forced to regulate her emotions as a member of fn nobility, but unlike Mai, she also has six sisters who look exactly like her, so she has a motivation to be more peppy and more affectionate to stand out.

fandom does not do the work to understand Ty Lee. as is a theme with this post, fandom is actively disinterested in investigating female characters beyond a very surface level reading of them. Thus, fandom takes Ty Lee’s surface level qualities--her love of the color pink, her revealing standard outfit, and the fact that once she found a boy attractive and also once a lot of boys found her attractive--and they stretch this into “Ty Lee is basically Karen Smith from Mean Girls.” thus, Ty Lee is painted as a bimbo, or more specifically, as not smart, uncritically adoring of Azula (did y’all forget all the non-zukka bits of Boiling Rock?), and attractive to the point of hypersexualization. I saw somebody make a post that was like “I wish mailee was more popular but I’m also glad it isn’t because otherwise people would write it as Mai having to put up with her dumb gf” and honestly I have to agree!! this is one instance in which I’m glad that fandom doesn’t discuss one of my favorite characters that often because I hate the fanon interpretation of Ty Lee, I think it’s rooted in misogyny (particularly misogyny against East Asian women, which often takes the form of fetishizing them and viewing them only through a Western white male gaze)

(side note: here at army-of-mai-lovers, we stan bimbos. bimbos are fucking awesome. I personally don’t read Ty Lee as a bimbo, but if that’s you, that’s fucking awesome. keep doing what you’re doing, queen <3 or king or monarch, it’s 2021, anyone can be a bimbo, bitches <3)

“Toph can and will destroy everyone here with her bare hands because she’s a meathead who likes to murder people and that’s it!”

Toph is, and always has been, one of my favorite ATLA characters. My very first fic in fandom was about her, and she appears prominently in a lot of my other work as well. One thing that I am always struck by with Toph is how big a heart she has. She’s independent, yes, snarky, yes, but she cares about people--even the family that forced her to make herself smaller because they didn’t believe that their blind daughter could be powerful and strong. Her storyline is powerful and emotionally resonant, her bending is cool precisely because it’s based in a “wait and listen” approach instead of just smashing things indiscriminately, she’s great disabled rep, and overall one of the best characters in the show.

And in fandom, she gets flattened into “snarky murder child.”

So where does this come from? Well, as we all know, Toph was originally conceived of as a male character, and retained a lot of androgyny (or as the kids call it, Gender) when she was rewritten as a female character. There are a lot of cultural ideas about androgynous/butch women being violent, and people in fandom seem to connect that larger cultural narrative with some of Toph’s more violent moments in the show to create the meathead murder child trope, erasing her canon emotionality, softness, heart, and femininity in the process.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t write or characterize Toph as being violent or snarky at all ever, because yeah, Toph definitely did do Earth Rumbles a lot before joining the gaang, and yeah, Toph is definitely a sarcastic person who makes fun of her friends a lot. What I am saying is that people take these traits, sans the emotional logic, marry them to their conception of androgynous/butch women as violent/unemotional/uncaring, and thus create a caricature of Toph that is not at all up to snuff. When I see Toph as a side character in a fic (because yeah, Toph never gets to be a main character, because why would a fandom obsessed with one male character in particular ever make Toph a protagonist in her own right?) she’s making fun of people, killing people, pranking people, etc, etc. She’s never talking to people about her emotions, or palling around with her found family, or showing that she cares about her friends. Everything about her relationship with her parents, her disability, her relationship to Gender, and her love of her friends is shoved aside to focus on a version of Toph that is mean and uncaring because people have gotten it into their heads that androgynous/butch women are mean and uncaring.

again, we see a female character who does not emote normatively or in a way that makes you, the viewer, comfortable, and so you warp her character until she’s completely unrecognizable and flat. and for what?

Azula

no, I didn’t come up with a snappy name for this section, mainly because fanon interpretations of Azula and my own feelings toward the character are...complicated. I know there were some people who wanted me to write about Azula and the intersection of misogyny and ableism in fanon interpretations of her character, but I don’t think I can deliver on that because I personally am in a period of transition with how I see Azula. that is to say, while I still like her and believe that she can be redeemed, there is a lot of merit to disliking her. the whole point of this post is that the female characters of ATLA are complex people whom the fandom flattens into stereotypes that don’t hold up to scrutiny, or dislike for reasons that don’t make sense. Azula, however, is a different case. the rise of Azula defenders and Azula stans has led to this sentiment that Azula is a 14 y/o abuse victim who shouldn’t be held accountable for her actions. it seems to me that people are reacting to a long, horrible legacy of male ATLA fans armchair diagnosing Azula with various personality disorders (and suggesting that people with those personality disorders are inherently monstrous and unlovable which ahhhh....yikes) and then saying that those personality disorders make her unlovable, which is quite obviously bad. and hey, I get loving a character that everyone else hates and maybe getting so swept up in that love that you forget that your fave is complicated and has made some unsavory choices. it sucks that fanon takes these well-written, complex villains/antiheroes and turns them into monsters with no critical thought whatsoever. but the attitude among Azula stans that her redemption shouldn’t be hard, that her being a child excuses all of the bad things that she’s done, that she is owed redemption....all of that rubs me the wrong way. I might make another post about this in the future that discusses this in more depth, but as it stands now: while I understand that there is a legacy of misogynistic, ableist, unnuanced takes on Azula, the backlash to that does not take into account the people she hurt or the fact that in ATLA she does not make the choice to pursue redemption. and yes, Zuko had help in making that choice that Azula didn’t, and yes, Azula is a victim of abuse, but in a show about children who have gone through untold horrors and still work to better the lives of the people around them, that is not enough for me to uncritically stan her.

Conclusion

misogyny in this fandom runs rampant. while there are some tropes of fandom misogyny that are well-documented and have been debunked numerous times, there are other, subtler forms of misogyny that as far as I know have gone completely unchecked.

what I find so interesting about misogyny in atla fandom is that it’s clear that it’s perpetrated by people who are aware of fandom misogyny who are actively trying not to be misogynistic. when I first joined atla fandom last summer, memes about how zukka fandom was better than every other fandom because they didn’t hate the female characters who got in the way of their gay ship were extremely prevalent, and there was this sense that *this* fandom was going to model respectful, fun, feminist online fandom. not all of the topes I’ve outlined are exclusive to or even largely utilized in zukka fandom, but a lot of them are. I’ve been in and out of fandom since I was eleven years old, and most of the fandom spaces I’ve been in have been majority-female, and all of them have been incredibly misogynistic. and I always want to know why. why, in these communities created in large part by women, in large part for women, does misogyny run wild? what I realize now is that there’s never going to be a one-size fits all answer to that question. what’s true for 1D fandom on Wattpad in 2012 is absolutely not true for atla fandom on tumblr in 2021. the answers that I’ve cobbled together for previous fandoms don’t work here.

so, why is atla fandom like this? why did the dream of a feminist fandom almost entirely focused on the romantic relationship between two male characters fall apart? honestly, I think the notion that zukka fandom ever was this way was horrifically ignorant to begin with. from my very first moment in the fandom, I was seeing racism, widespread sexualization of minors, and yes, misogyny. these aspects of the fandom weren’t talked about as much as the crocverse or other, much more fun aspects. further, atla (specifically zukka) fandom misogyny often doesn’t look like the fandom misogyny we’ve become familiar with from like, Sherlock fandom or what have you. for the most part, people don’t actively hate Suki, they just “stan” without actually caring about her. they hate Mai because they believe in treating male victims of abuse equally. they’re not characterizing Toph poorly, they’re writing her as a “strong woman.” in short, people are misogynistic, and then invoke a shallow, incomplete interpretation of feminist theory to shield themselves from accusations of misogyny. it’s not unlike the way some people will invoke a shallow, incomplete interpretation of critical race theory to shield themselves from accusations of racism, or how they’ll talk about “freedom of speech” and “the suppression of women’s sexuality” to justify sexualizing minors. the performance of feminism and antiracism is what’s important, not the actual practice.

if you’ve made it this far, first off, hi, thanks so much for reading, I know this was a lot. second, I would seriously encourage you to be aware of these fandom tropes and to call them out when you see them. elevate the voices of fans who do the work of bringing the female characters of atla to life. invest in the wlw ships in this fandom. drop a kudos and a comment on a rangshi fic (please, drop a kudos and a comment on a rangshi fic). read some yuetara. let’s all be honest about where we are now, and try to do better in the future. I believe in us.

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mrpenguinpants · 4 years

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Genshin: University AU [V1]

I love modern au. Or any “everything is fine, no one died, it’s just a fever dream” au. Half of me is thinking, damn maybe I should answer this serious- LOL HAHA no. That’s not happening. Time to crack my knuckles and let my brainworms take over again.

Once again, this is 90% crack 10% content. I want to switch up my characters from the last brainworm post but I included Kaeya and Diluc.

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Today’s appreciation post goes to twistedwishes. Hey! I’ve been seeing you pop up a lot lately and thanks for the support 💕💕 I hope things are going better for you and you’re doing alright^^ I feel kinda bad for making appreciation posts on crack fics but hopefully this is somewhat funny haha.

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Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: Roommate [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@mikeysbike @hanniejji@unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @dandelily @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife @dokidokisama @simpygrimoire @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki

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Diluc

Absolute pretty boy who has braincells, but only if Kaeya is not there. In his mind, Kaeya’s presence makes his room loose 40% of their common sense. He can’t prove it just yet but he’s working on it. He majors in accounting but also has a minor in marketing, logistics’ management, fia- he majors everything business related. He’s going to become the next Elon Musk through smarts or by getting the competition drunk. There can be no contest if he’s the only candidate. He’s actually a hard working guy that overworks and stresses way too much. You have daily “Diluc recharge” evenings where he just hangs onto you while you go through your day.

“Don’t fucking talk to me until I’ve had my coffee,” except there is no coffee - he drinks grape juice out of juice boxes and his only energy boost is when he meets up with you - and that’s his constant mood. So he usually only hangs around you and Jean, since she has childhood friend status and is actually an angel. By default, Lisa is added and Diluc doesn’t mind her but if he see’s Kaeya, it’s full on war paint mode. If he's not busy with work or studies, he's usually with you either in your dorm or his apartment.

He has a fanclub and he seriously hates it and tries to do everything in his power to get Ningguang to take it down. Shouldn’t this be against his rights? But she refuses for whatever reason and makes a whole speech about free will. No matter what he does, someone manages to take a picture and it get’s printed in the university’s newspaper. The only bonding time he has with Kaeya is every Monday, where they collect and burn all the universities newspapers before anyone can get their hands on it. You always bring marshmallows to make smores during their arson activities.

“When I graduate I’m going to burn this school down to the ground. That’s not a threat it’s a promise.”

Ningguang

Is secretly the leader of the Diluc fanclub - not that she likes Diluc, she’s in a questionable platonic poly marriage with you and Beidou - but it was the easiest way to gain funds for the student council. Which she is the president of, so rip Diluc the fanclub stays. Ruthless business woman I tell you. But she can run in heels so her danger factor rises by at least 20%.

Majors in social sciences and law but more specifically the political science & government. She saw the Imperial State Crown that the Queen of England wears and says yes, that’s mine now. If she’s not with Beidou and you planning on “how to infiltrate the state government just for lols”, then she’s with Keqing, Ganyu, and Zhongli discussing student council things. Should they or should they not tell the student body that they can see everyone’s search results? Sit back and relax as the school goes into chaos.

She’s probably the scariest person on campus No, she is the scariest person on campus. She’s the scariest person on campus. But secretly she’s popping 20 aspirins just to make it through a night. She has the digestive system of steel. She still holds the title of "seriously do not try and beat her in a drinking game it's never going to happen" and that's her proudest achievement in life but sadly she can’t put it on her resume. Kaeya is still trying to beat her out of spite but so far it hasn't been working. You’re seriously concerned for her when she get’s challenged but Beidou gives you a way-to-hard slap on the back and cheers her on. If Ninngguang somehow get’s alcohol poisonings she’ll somehow find away to make a profit out of it.

"I'll let him die, I'll get the insurance money."

Kaeya

One day he chugged too much mouth wash, passed out, and somehow woke up in university majoring in law. His idea is that if he is apart of the law, he can therefore stand above it. To be fair, his only goal in life is to say “I am the manager” and he can go live the rest of his life in bliss or as a hermit. He’s secret best friends with you but wouldn't be caught dead beside you. He will stab a bitch if you ever get hurt but will still trip you on the way home. Seriously, you have no idea why people find him attractive. Your guess is it’s the eye patch or the clap of his ass cheeks that keeps alerting everyone.

He’s apart of the newspaper club and if anyone asks: No, he has no idea who keeps taking all the newspapers and burns them in the back of the campus. Originally, he joined because he was nosy and needed to join some type of club for his resume. He sometimes feels bad for his junior assistant Amber because he keeps tricking her and says that Diluc is secretly a demon that is trying to steal all the jobs and is apart of the lizard government hell bent on eradicating the human race. He even brought out a whiteboard for this joke, he’s dedicated to his job ok?

The type of guy to try and be humble and say his work is “okay” but will choke a bitch if anyone agrees. He tends to leave everything last minute and says that it’s his drug since actual drugs could land you one year in prison and a maximum penalty of $2,000. You have to awkwardly hold in your concerned mother head shake when you see him speed running his assignment literally right when the professor is walking around to check if students finished.

“I was taught how to lead not to read.”

Mona

Broke wallet #2. Zhongli is broke wallet #1 but Childe simps for him so is he really a broke wallet at this point? In this essay, I Mona Megistus, will explain why I have the rights to the title “Broke Wallet #1″...

Believes that astrology should be an actual career path but refuses to take astronomy as her major. I can read the stars not a textbook that tells me how to calculate the mass of the sun divided by the fucks I give. Instead she went into Philosophy and cries to Albedo, who is an actual prodigy genius- sir lend some braincells to everyone else please?, that her professor keep turning her paper down because “star reading” is not an academic source.

Fischl wants her to join the occult club because, surprisingly, Mona is very good at telling people’s fates through her crayon sketch ouija board. She thinks first year Fischl is cute but is put off by the cosplay roleplay that she has going on. She would join except that stupid hat wearing gremlin in her lit class would make fun of her if he found out.

You gave her half your lunch one day and bought her a doughnut "because she seemed upset" and "out of the goodness of your heart" whatever the hell that means. She thinks you pensioned it but once that thought comes she takes a bite. Poison from a doughnut is not the worst way to go out, classes are hard enough. She’s waiting for the lord to strike her down anyways.

“Its not about passing, its about doing better than everyone else.”

Venti

Slept through most of highschool and people question how he got into university. He’s a music major (wow how fucking original is that), and if anyone asks him to serenade someone or just do anything, he’ll do it for the right price. Or if you buy him alcohol because he still keeps getting ID checked. He’s banking on Kaeya actually becoming a lawyer or being on good terms with Diluc so he can finally stop being arrested for looking like a toddler.

Takes one step into classes and quickly nopes out and goes back to bed. Professors have no idea how he hasn't dropped out or failed. He just has some god given talent. He does whine at you to pretty pretty please with a cherry on top tutor him because you're such an angel and would never leave your poor but awesome best friend hanging right? He needs to get this essay down but how he is suppose to explain how the number 10 is symbolic and connects to the universe or the meaning of life. Do you think he can just say it’s apart of his culture and make up some random myth to pretend it looks like he knows what he’s doing?

He’s honestly going with the flow and put his brain on the back burner all of highschool and only now realizes wait, I actually have to use my brain?

He’s been banned from most club chats since Venti has the no chill card. Someone says “lol I look ugly today.” and he’ll respond "yup, you look like a cow." and he get’s banned. Zhongli keeps a speed run timer on his phone just to document these occasions.

"Sad spelled backwards is das and das how it be sometimes."

Childe

An actual dumbass that somehow does well. He eats sandwiches with the crust off, this heathen. Surprisingly he’s studying to become a physical therapist but most of his experience has come from breaking his own bones. You’re scared how he's going to be if he actually becomes a therapist. If he'll make bets with his patients or try to one up whatever crazy injury they get into. Everything is a challenge to him that sometimes the best way to deal with Childe is to knock him out.

This man really knows the way to a Zhongli’s woman's heart. Through micro transactions. Mona saw him accidently drop $20 and just shrugged and walked off. She has never been both spiritually and physically offended in her life. She did take the $20 though. As much as you hate leeching on Chile when he’s basically a walking wallet that probably uses bills as tissue paper, you can’t help but give him puppy eyes while planning on how to get into his will. If he even plans on having one, he might honestly write “whoever wins in a gladiator style duel in my funeral’s tournament, they will get my fortune.”.

Any sport the university offers Childe is probably in it. Which is how he met Zhongli, challenged him to a fight, proceeded to have his ass handed to him, got a backhanded compliment, and screamed to you he was in love and how he found his soulmate. He's secretly very sappy and has cried and watched every Disney and Pixar movie at least 28 times.

"IM NOT TOO SPICY! I’M A TINY BIT ABOVE MILD IF ANYTHING!”

---

God if it isn’t Scaramouche, it’s Childe that ruins the aesthetic. This is why I hate you. Why do you people enable me like this, it isn’t even good. This is pretty much a @ yourself moment and I vibe hard with Venti. This entire post was just to make a joke about the clap of Kaeya’s ass cheeks alerting the guards.

This week might slow down since I have classes and assignments. My reply’s are gonna be late too, sorry;; (oh and thank you to everyone that was so supportive and nice when I mentioned it. All of you. Beautiful 💕💕 )

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foulserpent · 3 years

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Hi! I saw ur tags on that healing post. what would you change about the priestesses of dibella? I always love your worldbuilding!

ok so given dibella is worshipped in many different cultures (and given that realistically there would be massive variation Within this) this has to be a huge generalization so my headcanons here are mostly for dibella worship within the nine divines religion/imperial cult (since thats the context for most of the lore on her worship) rather than All Worship Of Dibella Everywhere

main thing is.. its not Super well defined to begin with, and the sex aspects are kind of a 'hey gamer man target audience! we will describe the goddess's worship as a thing where theres TONS of sexy women who fuck and know secret erotic techniques!! no men allowed tee hee!! (i sure hope no men intrude to our hot sex chambers tee hee!!!!)' forbidden fruit sorta thing rather than being like. particularly well thought out. it also seems to be playing heavily on (possibly entirely false) concepts of 'sacred [sex work]' in aphrodite worship in ancient greece that is fairly often made into this kinda fetishized thing in media.

and i think a lot of fans try to 'fix' all this by just like downplaying the sex aspects entirely which i dont think is necessary

heres my headcanons

-her place within the nine divines pantheon is pretty nebulous, but the core facets of her worship center around beauty and pleasure. music and dance, natural beauty, and sex specifically tend to be focuses.

-music is CENTRAL to her worship. song and dance is the primary way she is prayed to. her worship spaces are almost always filled with music (bards can make a living of of playing in dibella's temples)

-sex is very significant both as part of her sphere and as a facet of rituals, but its not a 'you go to her temple and there are sexy big BOOB ladieys who want to fuck YOU' sort of thing. you are generally expected to find a sexual partner for yourself. certain cults of dibella are more sex focused, but access to these groups tend to require initiation and devotion.

-sexual instruction is a facet of certain forms of worship, mainly irt stuff like positions deemed favorable for ritual magic, or aphrodisiacs or shit like that

-i would want to develop the relation of sex work to dibellan practices, (based on similar historic gods related to sex work) but its something that literally there would be absolutely no chance of it EVER being handled well lol. but she likely has some associations with sex work in imperial society, (which if its anything like its irl historical precedents is a normalized facet of society, tho with class connotations)

-the love/affection aspects attributed to her tend to be considered more abstract and non-interpersonal love- a lover as a concept, not as a practice and not with the struggles reality entails. less abstract forms of love are considered more the territory of mara, though there is some variation or merging of the two, context depending (as in like. gods in polytheistic religions dont always have Well Defined Mutually Exclusive Spheres, especially not in the context of a state religion of a continent-spanning empire)

-class plays a huge part into how dibella is worshipped. worship among the imperial upper classes/nobility tends to have a decidedly more pleasure-focused tilt (as they have more leisure time than the lower classes) and frequent indulgence of feasting, drinking expensive art, etc is involved. worship among common folk tends to center around immaterial aspects (particularly music and dance) aside from dedicated festivals and feast days in her honor.

-dibella shares a place with zenithar as sometimes being seen as the 'rich mens gods', given the poor in the imperial hegemony dont tend to reap their claimed blessings as often.

-her depiction in the imperial cult leans towards androgyny, though with significant variation. she tends to be cast as a woman specifically in colovia due to heavy nordic cultural influence (where in the nordic pantheon she is squarely a woman).

-her face is usually depicted as obscured, (at least partially due to disagreements on how she should be shown) but she is inevitably depicted in line with the dominant beauty norms of the place and time (which even within the imperial cult will obviously vary tremendously from region to region)

-'dibellan' is a common term in imperial culture for transgender individuals, relating to dibella's varying gender in tales. this term isnt quite analogous to 'trans' irl and is more of a catch-all term for people existing outside of conventional gender norms, (thus sometimes used to refer to gay men/lesbians as well). this is most common in imperial dominant culture in cyrodiil, as other regions and cultures have their own terms, and different norms and definitions.

#this is about Worship rather than what the god herself actually is like or wants . bc i frankly. do not care much about that #so it involves things that arent 100% great like depictions of her 'beauty' tending to fall in line #with conventional beauty norms of the given region #(tho that would still be different than how its depicted ingame)

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bearslikedilfs · 3 years

Text

Hetalia 2Ps and the violent portrayals of them in fan content

I’ve seen several posts in the vein of people disliking the 2ps, and the concept of 2ps, in Hetalia. This is absolutely NOT a callout post for them! The reasons I’ve heard when people say they dislike it are actually really good reasons to dislike it. I think this stems from the usual portrayals people have of them.

First i think we need to realize that the 2Ps have no canon, as far as i’m aware. From what i remember all that happened is Hima made a couple of character drawings with alternate colors and the fandom went crazy and created an entire explanation for it. (same thing happened with cardverse i think. character drawings vaguely themed after suits of cards became an entire AU.)

When the 2P thing first happened in like 2013 or so the most common portrayal i saw was that the 2Ps were the evil twins or the violent or insane version. This, combined with the fact many of the 2Ps had darker hair/eyes/features made me stay away from the 2P section mostly. The association of the two things definitely had an undertone of racism to me. Sometimes it wasn’t even an undertone, with such terrible takes as:

2P japan was the personification of Imperial Japan;

2P America was the personification of the Confederacy (sometimes dead, sometimes still alive but now as the personification of The South), sometimes 2P America was the personification of all Native Americans- yes, every native nation at once;

2P Russia was the Soviet Union;

The violent 2PS are what would have happened if the N*zis won WW2- etc.

Those are some extremely racist, shitty takes; I can see why so many people dislike the 2ps.

Again, this isn’t canon. This is entirely the fandom that did this. Hima made a lot of the 2Ps have darker hair, probably because so many of the 1Ps have blond hair. Which is also an issue, but it was the fandom that attached the violent, insane, sometimes racist portrayals to the characters. And I will say i’ve also seen perfectly ok portrayals of 2Ps! But a good portion especially in earlier fandom seemed obsessed with making them evil.

Now, in the modern fandom, i’ve seen a lot more nuanced 2Ps. Personally, i think the 2Ps have a place, not as the evil versions, just as another aspect. People themselves are nuanced and have several different personality traits, and are not strictly good or evil. An entire nation is hard to represent in a single person; there are conflicting traits, personalities, stereotypes. Which may make it necessary for another personification, to cover another aspect. As an example, here’s my take on 1P and 2P America; Allen is the most common name for the 2P, so i’ll use that.

1P: Alfred: The Alfred I have in mind is cheerful to a fault. He’s eager and optimistic occasionally to the point of being unrealistic. Alfred’s the most extrovert extrovert to ever extrovert; while he likes hiking and being in nature, he can’t stand not being around and meeting new people, so he often lives in a city. He wants to help, but can sometimes be annoying with how much he insists.

2P: Allen: He’s not necessarily pessimistic, but more realistic. Things can go well, but only if you put in the hard work and effort to make it that way. Alfred assumes everyone is a kind and decent person at the first meeting; Allen waits for proof, and then he’ll warm up to you. Allen is still extroverted, but lives out in the country for peace and quiet. Allen will not help you until you outright ask for it, leading some to think he doesn’t care when the other just didn’t ask. imagine the “gruff cowboy with heart of gold” character trope.

In my opinion this is a much better, more nuanced idea of the 2Ps. Both have personalities that are associated with America in some way. they aren’t the “evil” and “good” versions, nor necessarily complete opposites- they do have some things in common. They don’t represent different areas, they both represent America as a whole, just embody different aspects of it.

I think part of the reason people made them good/evil sane/insane versions may be to keep their favorite character from being associated with the bad parts of history, and was an effort to completely separate things into black and white when history itself is not black and white. I think the answer here is nuance, thought and research put into representing another aspect of a nation in a 2P and avoiding a racist characterization. There’s a lot of history to cover, and one person may not be able to cover it all; nuanced 2P’s allow you to cover different thoughts and experiences that happened in the same time period. This is all my opinion, based on my experiences and observations in the fandom; i welcome polite further discussion of it.

#hetalia #fandom discourse #fandom discussion #hetalia discourse #hetalia discussion #tw racism #2ptalia #hetalia 2P

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kinnoth · 2 years

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yo.

saw a post where it was like "la la thor3 had the same plot as thor1 bc in both movies, thor loses his hammer and is banished to another planet where he has to make new friends and also he has a trecherous sibling who is green haha thor3 is a shitty creatively bankrupt movie <3"

omg lol so tell me you don't understand nuance and thematic storytelling without telling me you don't understand nuance and thematic storytelling.

so fun omg ok lemme give it a go: "superheroes are deemed too dangerous for society and so are outlawed and former superheroes feel cast out from their own identities as well as the society that has rejected them. through introspection and teamwork, the superhero group in question bands back together, and at the end there is a giant engineered octopus"

ok ok so which movie am i describing

IS IT WATCHMEN OR DISNEY'S THE INCREDIBLES

like shut the FUCK up thor3 is an explicit morality tale about the evils of imperialism and the cultural and societal wasteland that authoritarianism produces and THOR 1 IS A MOVIE ABT HOW SOMETIMES A KINDA DOUCHEY GUY JUST NEEDS THE LOVE OF A HOT GIRL TO TURN HIS LIFE AROUND~

#i should really just stop reading other people's meta it just makes me mad every time #internal thor tag #THIS ISN'T EVEN MY REAL OPINION ABOUT THOR1 I'M JUST SO FUCKING MAD WHEN PEOPLE DELIBERATELY MISREPRESENT THOR3

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magpiie · 4 years

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Kidnapped by Baby Yoda pt. 3

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

hey guys pls lmk what you think and be honest!!! thank you so much for 80 notes holy fucking shit wowie

It's weird one day you're assisting teaching a class to a bunch of miscellaneous alien children on nevarro hating your life, and the next you're stuck on a ship with a mandalorian and his foundling who inexplicably decided he needed you to come.

“I'm going to talk to him today kid, believe me” you said to the lump of wool perched on your knee. Mando was out doing maker knows what, and you were left alone with the little guy like always. His big eyes gazed at you dubiously as if to say suuuuure. The amount of judgmental bitchy energy he could produce sometimes was astounding. “No really, i've been living here for what, uh 3 weeks maybe? And all we've really said to each other was the initial greeting and uh the exchange of names?” The last part trails off as you realize you don't even know his name. You said yours but he responded with telling you to call him Mando. So you didn't push it. You dont know alot about mandalorians considering they are almost extinct and their beliefs are often made to seem like folklore. But you do know that individualism and identity is not something particularly celebrated. So you decided to leave the amount of information he wants to share with you up to him out of respect. So far that's been none. “So, kid, how'd you break through his shell? He likes you?” the child just blinks unhelpfully. “I mean you never talk to him, but i've tried that and we saw how that went” literally radio silence from him. You don't particularly think of yourself as an extrovert who constantly needs interaction but you do need some. And currently you have the kid as a companion and if you didn't know any better you'd say Mando was a droid with how he acts. You also resolved that you needed to help out more. Basically you were a glorified babysitter and the idea that Mando was going to realize that he was better off without you on his ship as deadweight terrified you. You were a good cook, I guess you could say, but Mando always brought food back with him when he went out and then would hide in his room to eat in privacy. So that's not very helpful. The main thing that you could offer him was medical help. Back on Nevarro growing up you were the youngest of three older brothers. And considering your mother wasnt really in the picture, you had to take up the doctor role for the amount of fights three older boys could get into. You knew how to treat basically any external damage and how to sterilize and limit risk of infection. But how would you ever bring that up to mando if you guys didn't even greet each other in the mornings? Sometimes you would try to talk to him with something as simple as “good morning!” or “welcome back” or “night” or even just a simple “hey” sometimes he would bless you with a monosyllabic grunt but never anything more. But hey, you would take what you would get. After a week of this call and no response bullshit you kinda gave up and have spent the last two weeks in silence other than your episode this morning with the “good morning” fiasco. You feel your mortification settle back into your stomach at the fool you made of yourself. “Maker above, mando must hate me.” sometimes you wondered if he regretted asking you to come. But he doesn't really seem like the type of person to let you stay if you annoyed him. “Ok bug, here's the plan. What im gonna do is i will say hey when he comes back, sound good?” you look for confirmation from the creature and he gives you a slight tilt of his chin. Satisfied you continue, “and i will uhm say good night and good morning every day until he responds or tells me to shut up.” you finish with a huff of breath. This will either end with you finally finally getting to have real human interaction or left on some random ass planet god knows where.

Mando makes his way back to ship feeling the pebbles crunch beneath the heavy sole of his boot. This planet was a desert planet much like nevarro, he wondered if you missed home. Mean no shit she's probably homesick dumbass he thinks its not like he was doing anything to make the ship feel welcoming. Like talking to you. But you made the ship feel like a home for the kid and that's more than he could ever want. You probably didn't realize how much what you were doing meant to him. You made the kid happy, you were giving him something that mando never could, a mother figure. Mando tried his hardest to be what he thought was a father for the kid but it was hard. He had to go and work and it wasn't safe to bring a kid so he was often swept around to different planets and left for hours by himself waiting for mando to come back and it was hard on mando. But you, now you were there. And the kid was always safe with you. He should probably teach you some self defense he thought considering how dangerous being associated with him was especially considering you needed to protect the child. But honestly, mando had no idea if you knew how to protect yourself, you might, space is a dangerous world. He only knew that you were a teacher but that was it. Slightly alarming that he implicitly trusted you without any prior knowledge of you or your credentials. You could be a bounty hunter assigned to kill him for all he knew, or to steal the kid, but you probably would have done that by now. Mando didn't know what made you trustworthy to him. You just were. And that terrified him.

You're sitting in the cockpit with the child pretending to fly the ship as he gurgles happily in your lap. you giggle at the little guy and make finger guns and pretend to shoot an imaginary monster outside the window, “i'm the most fearsome bounty hunter in the guild,” the child lets out a particularly loud noise at that, “uhhh yes i am dont laugh at me, i am feared far and wide across the galaxy,” you tickle his sides with that one. youre so into playing with the kid you don't realize mando was back and is staring at you from the entryway to the cockpit. “You think i could take on your daddy, bug? You think it'd beat him in a shootout? Huh?” you say with your fingers poised and ready at the window.

“Not a chance,” says a deep voice that vibrates into the floor. You let out an embarrassing startled shriek and feel your heart do twenty somersaults and settle in your feet. The child screams at the interruption and immediately wiggles out of your grasp and waddles to Mando giddily.

“I-i i was uh joking, really i was,” you stutter out cringing at the incredulous tone your voice comes out as. Remembering your resolve to talk to him you continue on even though you feel like you might throw up your breakfast from nerves. “He misses you during the day,” gesturing to the child, “so i pretend to be you” you finish realizing that sounds super fucking creepy, “well not like- you- like- you, but i pretend to like uh pilot the ship and uh shoot um things?” you ramble lamely. A huff sounds from the mandalorian and if you allowed yourself to think wishfully it was laughter.

“Doesn't surprise me. Before you he came everywhere with me.” you feel your eyebrows raise. Everywhere? Shit.

“Must've been difficult to complete jobs and have to keep track of him,” you say nodding your head towards the little lump of brown wool. Mando offers you an affirmative grunt before setting the child down and turning on his heel towards the fresher. So that was an improvement, you think. Got ten whole words out of him. You feel a grin split your face. Hopefully this means you are past the dancing around each other relationship. And maker above, his voice, wow. If only you could wake up to that every morning. Deep and melodic. You wonder how deep and gravelly it sounds in the mornings. Or how your name would sound tumbling off his lips in pleasure. Nope. not going down that path. That is NOT platonic thoughts. You literally had your first conversation with him since the first day you met him and you're already thinking about that? Seriously pull yourself together. You don't even know what he looks like, or how old he is. Like what if he's like 70. And really ugly. What if your having sex dreams about someone like your grandpa. Ew. Your face contorts at the thought of Mando looking like your grandpa. Okay gross stop. You need to get to know him. Have civil conversations. Push down the gross thoughts. Even if his voice sounds like honey. And home.

You're sitting in the chair behind the pilot seat reading a random book Mando left out on the scattered floor. Its some type of mechanical manual so its truly riveting. Note the sarcasm. The child's asleep, and seeing as though mando is cooped up in his room this book is better than twiddling your thumbs mindlessly. You decided that if you were going to stay on mandos ship you should at least try to pick up some mechanic skills. Better than the rudimentary at best you had at the present moment. You knew how to fix blatant errors in engines and how to reconnect wires if the instructions were explained thoroughly and very slowly. Okay maybe you didn't really know anything past engines. But that was better than nothing? Kinda? You sigh closing the book after rereading the same sentences about pre-imperial versus post-imperial hyperdrives. Maker what was the difference? The both made the ship go super fast or something? Was that the hyperdrive? You shook your head feeling the thought start to culminate into a downward spiral of what a hyperdrive truly was. You looked around the cluttered hull and decided that you should probably occupy yourself by cleaning up the mess. Mando might appreciate it, it'll also make you less of a deadweight on the ship. It was crazy how much shit one man and his child could accumulate on one tiny ship. You don't think you had ever seen this many small metal bowls in one place. The stack currently in the corner probably contained about 12. In what universe would 2 creatures ever need the same bowls 12 times. Well you guess now it's three. The thought filled your chest with a balloon of warmth only to be popped by the realization that you weren't part of the little family mando and the child were. At best you were a business associate. The kids stand in caregiver. Babysitter.

The realization that you didn't have anyone to call family at your disposal fell heavy on your shoulders. Sinking you into the corner of the hull. You dont think youve ever felt more alone. In the cold corner of the hull with a hand pressed to your chest in an attempt to quell your ragged breaths. Like a small raft cast into the oceanic expanse of space. If you drowned, who would notice? Certainly not your family, they were maker knows where, probably light years away. You didn't even know what sector you were in anymore. What would your father think of your decision to leave nevarro? You hadn't seen him in a while but you remembered the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. And how he would hug you after a long day. Hold you like you were still his little girl. The craving for a warm embrace from a solid body slammed into you with all the force of a meteor. Leaving you stunned and lost. You briefly wondered how mando coped. How did he deal with the overwhelming feeling of loneliness? How did he leave his guild? Did he miss them? Were they like a family? Did he think about them often? How did he cope with the lack of touch? Or did he not think about it at all? Did he not need it? Was he so disconnected from the world through his beskar that he couldn't remember the feeling of someone's fingers on his skin? Etching a path with the searing heat they exuded. Hearing approaching footsteps you attempt to pull yourself together. Regulate your breathing, get rid of tear tracks and lose the flush coloring your face. You could do this. As he rounded the corner he stopped. You peered up at him from your curled up position on the floor and offered him a smile that felt unconvincing even on your lips. He tilted his head slightly at you and made his way cautiously to where you were. He bent slightly and offered a brown leather clad hand to you. For a second the only sound heard was the faint crackle of his breathing in his helmet. You could see him faltering. Here he was offering you comfort in your clearly distressed state and you were pointedly ignoring it. You laced your fingers with his and nearly doubled over from the strength he exuded into pulling you up. As soon as you were fairly steady on your feet you marveled at your hand shocked by the warmth creeping through the leather of the glove permeating into your palm. He sighed, a deep release of tension from his shoulders followed. “What's wrong?” he said, his hand still lazily grasping your fingers. You looked at him, what was wrong?

“How do you do it?” you said echoing his words from your first meeting to him. his thumb dragged a slow line along your wrist. When he didn't respond you added, “how are you okay with being alone?” if you could see his face you would say he looked taken aback. He released your hand.

“I'm not.” he offered. Confused as to which question he was answering you remained silent hoping to prompt him to continue. He started again, “I'm not alone, not truly. I have him.” he gestured vaguely to his sleeping quarters where the kid slept. He rubbed the back of his neck,

“And neither are you.”

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dangermousie · 3 years

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Heelo mousie! Love your blog! Do you mind recommending some of your favourite Chinese BL novels or shows?

I've seen the untamed and read it. I'm currently reading heaven's official blessing and I saw the donghua. Anything other than these two?

Awww, thank you!

Novels: I am gonna be lazy and literally copy/paste the entire danmei section of my top 10 web novels post (except MXTX’s stuff since you are already reading it.) Let me know if you need help finding any of these.

Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is also finding the middle path between their two very different philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant, sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two take up farming, get involved in the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

Anyway, the plot (or at least the way it first appears) is that the evil emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian Jun, kills himself at 32 and wakes up in the body of his 16 year old self, birth name Moran. Excited to get a redo, Moran wants to save his supposed true love Shimei, whose death the last go-around pushed him towards evil. He also wants to avoid entanglement with Chu Wanning, his shizun and sworn enemy in past life. And that’s all you are best off knowing, trust me. The only hint I am going to give is oooh boy the mother of all unreliable narrators has arrived!

The novel starts light and funny on boil the frog principle - if someone told me I would be full bawling multiple times with this novel, I’d have thought they were insane, but i swear my eyes hurt by the end of it. I started out being amused and/or disliking the mains and by the end I would die for either of them.

The Wife is First - OK, this one did not make my top 10 web novels but it’s a sweet, fun gay cottagecore fest. Our ML, a royal prince, and his spouse, a smart if delicate aristocrat, keep house, eat noodles, play with their pet tiger, make out and spoil each other rotten, while occasionally fighting battles and outwitting their court enemies. It’s so very mellow. That couple redefines low drama - they are both nice and functional and use their brains. It’s as if a nice jock and a nice nerd got together and then proceeded to be wholesome all over the place.

I mean, the set up could be dramatic - our ML the prince, lost his fight for the throne and is about to be killed. The only person who stayed loyal to him is his arranged husband the aristocrat guy who ML never treated nicely since he resented marrying him (marrying a man in that world is done to remove someone from the ability to inherit the throne.) And yet the husband stood by him not out of love but beliefs in loyalty blah blah. Anyway, he transmigrates back into the past right after their wedding night and is all “I got a second chance OMG! I don’t want the throne what is even the point? I want to live a good long life and treat the only person who stood by me really well!” And he proceeds to do so to the shock of the aristocrat who had a very unpleasant wedding night and generally can tell the man he just married would rather eat nails than be married to him. But soon enough (no seriously, it’s not many chapters at all) he believes the prince is sincere blah blah and then they get together and they pretty much become cottagecore goals.

In terms of dramas, I only do period dramas (or novels) so I am not the person to be able to recommend any modern BLs. There is a flood of upcoming (hopefully) period BL dramas but it’s relatively thin on the ground now. The two I will recommend is Word of Honor (which is AMAZING) and Winter Begonia (which I just started watching but which owns me already.) I have a tag for both - the one for the former is huge and I cannot recommend either strongly enough. I’ve heard good things about The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, but I am not big on mysteries so haven’t watched it for myself.

In terms of the upcoming BLs, the ones I am most looking forward to are Immortality and Winner Is King, but The Society of the Four Leaves also looks promising.

#asks #cdrama #cnovel

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gold-from-straw · 4 years

Text

Zero Degrees 2

Read from the beginning on AO3 if you prefer! I’ll also tag anyone from the notes of this chapter in my next post, I hope that’s OK! Otherwise it’s so damn hard to find posts...

"Wow, your car is amazing," Njala said as Mum pressed the key fob.

"Thanks," she laughed. "Get in, then. Bhaya will have to go on her dad's lap, but you guys can all fit in the back. Shopping bags in the boot first."

Even Teli stared around the car when they climbed in and Mum started the engine. Njala was stroking the leather and pulling open every pocket and storage area he could find, chattering away at high speed and pointing them out to his big brother. Teli directed Mum down Parklands Road, just past the giant white model of a lotus flower outside the Raja Yoga centre.

"There it is," he said, pointing to a mustard yellow block of flats. Mum pulled off the road onto the dirt driveway and waited at the black gate for the askari to let them in, while Erika stared open-mouthed and tried very hard not to judge.

The thing was, they went to a private school. Erika's family didn't consider themselves particularly wealthy - comfortably middle class, maybe, but there were other kids in Erika's class who lived in mansions and got five thousand shillings pocket money every month. She wasn't stupid, she didn't think she was that naïve, and she was well aware of the vast inequalities in her country. All Kenyans knew how bad some people had it, and at least this place wasn't one of those shanties the city council would bulldoze and set on fire for kicks like they sometimes did in Kibera, but even so...

The building was seven storeys high, loomed over by skyscrapers, or building sites for skyscrapers. Grey water stains draped down the walls like grasping fingers, TV aerials stood crooked on the roof with wires sagging from them. Every window up to the top floor was barred, and no attempt had been made to twist the iron into something decorative. There was laundry hanging on wires in every balcony.

It was the kind of invisible place she saw every day from the bus window, stared at unseeing when stuck in Nairobi traffic jams. If she ever really thought about it, it was probably the kind of place their maid Florence lived in.

Njala waved to the askari while Teli climbed carefully out of the car with a sleeping Bhaya and beckoned them all upstairs. The stairwell smelled of fried fish and cabbage, and someone was washing the second floor landing with a broom, sluicing water across the concrete so that it dripped down to the steps below and made them precariously slippery.

Their flat was on the third floor, and as Teli juggled the keys into the heavy iron gate in front of the door, a young man opened it from inside and ran out, an apron still round his waist and arms soapy to the elbows. "Father, you're back early."

Of all the Hotokes, he looked the most… well, normal was probably an insulting word. But he was. He had a round, friendly face with the family's high cheekbones, curled black lashes and a warmth to his brown skin that none of the others shared. He really didn't look like Teli much at all. He looked like a younger version of Erika's dad, actually, and she couldn't help smiling back at him when he spied her and Mum behind his dad.

"Hello, new people."

"Hi, I'm Gloria, nice to meet you," Mum said, flashing her white teeth in her standard self-confident grin. "This is my daughter, Erika."

"I'm Ummah," he said, taking half of Mum's bags. "And is this the Erika?" He smirked at Frio, who rolled his eyes and ducked his head again. "Sorry, little brother. Come in, please."

"Is he really your dad?" Erika blurted, unable to stop her bad manners. “Sorry... but you don't really look alike - and Teli looks really young as well."

Teli smiled, a darkly amused thing. "I assure you, I am older than I look."

"What she really means is she thinks I'm old," Mum grumbled, smirking and nudging her.

They crowded into the tiny flat, Njala dumping his bags on the counter of the kitchenette and running off to one of the bedrooms. Erika caught sight of a double and a single mattress on the floor before the door shut. Ummah went back to the washing up. Mum beckoned Erika and Frio over to the kitchenette with her head and they started sorting out the items that had been damaged in the fall while Teli took Bhaya to another bedroom and lowered her onto the double mattress on the floor there. He stroked her curls with a sad little smile, then gathered the mosquito net around her and backed out, closing the door.

"What happened, Father?" asked Ummah.

"Loud noises. Shouting. The usual," he said wearily and joined the pair sorting the shopping out.

Ummah winced, his face scrunched up in pity as he looked over to his little sister. "Did she get far?"

Teli shook his head. "No. But she was distressed when I caught up to her. I… at first I do not think she recognised me."

Ummah turned in the small space and wrapped his wet arms around his father's waist. Teli pressed his nose to his son's hair and hugged him back, a slightly wobbly smile on his face. Erika pretended not to see him wipe his cheeks as they returned to their jobs.

"I do not think much of this flour is salvageable," he said, crinkling his nose up as he lifted a paper bag of Exe out, torn and slimy with egg.

"Have any of the eggs survived?" Mum asked.

"Five are unbroken, another three are cracked. They should be fine if we use them soon."

Ummah checked the clock. "I can buy more on my way back from my shift."

"You should not have to waste your wages on--"

"Shhh!" he said imperiously. "I will help you whenever I please, Father, you are a fool if you think any of us would not." He dried his hands off and leaned close to Mum, lowering his voice to a mock-whisper. "He thinks he does not need any help."

"Ummah!" snapped Teli, and the boy winked at Mum.

"I like this one," she laughed.

"That makes one of us," Teli grumbled.

"Well, I like me too, so I believe you are outvoted, Father. Now, I must go, or I shall be late." He picked up a battered backpack from the corner and threw his apron over the back of a chair.

"Ummah," called Teli as he got to the front door. He turned, eyebrows raised in question. Teli came round the counter and hugged him very tight. "I love you very much. And I like you quite a lot too."

"I love you too, Father," he said, a smile in his voice.

"Be safe."

"Always."

He locked the door as Ummah left, and stood by the window to wave at him. Erika heard the clunk of the main gate, and Teli turned back, pausing for a moment to brush his fingers along a small side table with a collection of odd items. A teddy bear, a long speckled feather and a collection of candles on a white cloth, which formed a U shape around a beautiful glowing crystal ball. It looked a little like one of those plasma balls she'd seen in physics lessons, just smaller, with a soft, almost sleepy light inside. She wished she knew where they'd got it from, it was beautiful.

Teli cleared his throat as he looked up at them, clenching his hand away from the objects. "You do not need to sort the shopping, really, you have been very kind."

"It's no trouble," Mum said cheerfully. "So how long have you guys lived here then?"

"Ah, well, nearly a year."

"Where were you before then, where are you all from?"

"North," he said with a vague smile, and turned around to throw some of the dirty packaging in the bin. Mum raised an eyebrow at him, but left it alone.

"What are we going to do with these eggs, Father?” Frio asked.

"You could make cupcakes," Erika said.

"Ah," Teli frowned. "I'm not sure I have a recipe for those."

"I could write one down for you," Mum offered. "Erika and I make cupcakes every week, practically, don't we?"

"Cupcakes?" Njala squeaked. Erika hadn't even noticed him sneak back in. "Are we having cupcakes?"

Teli sighed. "I suppose just this once..."

"Sorry," Mum grimaced.

"No, that's fine," he said. "They deserve a treat. After all, it has been a while."

"Can we stay and help you guys make them?" Erika asked, looking between the two parents. Frio immediately looked up at his dad as well, and Teli rolled his eyes.

"Very well. It is not as if I know how to make them myself."

Mum grinned at him. "I promise I won't let them make a mess. Where do you keep the sugar?"

"Sugar..." he grimaced. "Ah. Is that a necessity?"

Mum frowned at Erika, then back at him. "Uh, yeah, it's a pretty integral part of it."

"Ah."

"Oh, no," Njala moaned, and leaned his head on the counter. "I'm starving!"

"Well, I was planning to make pancakes."

"That's not the same." The little boy's words were muffled as he pressed his face against the wood.

"Hey, how about this," Mum suggested. "You guys can come over to ours one day and we'll make cupcakes and decorate them, does that sound good?"

Njala leaped up. "Really?"

"Could they come this weekend? On Saturday?" Erika asked, her hands pressed together under her chin. "Please?"

"If you're not busy, we haven't got anything on."

"Really, that is not necessary." Teli looked slightly lost. "Please do not feel obliged--"

"I don't," Mum frowned. "I don't do everything out of some obligation, Teli. I like having other people over. You don't have to come if you don't want to, but I'm genuinely offering." She shook her head. "Come on, Erika, we need to let these guys get on."

"Father," Frio grabbed his dad's wrist, and Teli rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"I meant no offence," he said. "If you really don't mind..."

"No," she smiled, her voice still a bit exasperated. "I really don't, I wouldn't offer if I didn't think the kids would have a good time. Here, let me give you my address, we're only on Brookside Drive. Is Saturday OK?"

"I have work," Frio said softly.

"Sunday, then?"

He nodded and smiled through his braids at her. She scribbled their address and her phone number on a notes page in her schedule, then tore it out and handed it to Teli.

"Bye, Frio," Erika said as Teli let them out.

Frio waved at her and pushed the braids out of his face, tucking them behind his ear. "I'll see you tomorrow, Erika."

She followed her mum down the stairs, her shoes clattering on the concrete steps. The banisters were rough and cracked under her hands, shouts and music and a crying baby echoing about the stairwells from the other flats.

She and kept quiet until they were in the Range Rover. "Why do you think Teli's so weird, Mum?"

"I don't think he's weird,” Mum said, frowning a little. "Just awkward. Anyway, we'll see what happens on Sunday."

"How come they're so poor?"

"Erika!"

"No, really, Mum. I think all the boys share a bedroom, how can they even afford the school fees?"

She sighed and tapped her long nails on the steering wheel, but didn't answer. Erika looked out of the window as they pulled onto the Westlands roundabout yet again. "I felt kinda guilty that we've got all that stuff and they don't even have sugar."

"They might not have sugar because Teli's trying to keep them healthy."

"You know what I mean, though."

"Yeah," she said. "I know what you mean."

Thank you to @fullmetalcarer who liked and reblogged last week ^_^

#Zero Degrees #Lyn's writing #original ramblings by lyn h #original novel #kenya #gods #high school

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im-not-a-joke · 4 years

Note

Mmh... All the field

the whole- the whole field....

thank you for asking, this is going to be one long post

Alisons: Sexuality?

asexual, unlabeled/queer romantic

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

they/them or he/him, nonbinary

Amaryllis: Birthday?

february 4th

Anemone: Favorite flower?

bleeding heart

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

steven universe

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

probably offer a place to sleep overnight

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“Do you think God stays in heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he’s created?”

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

strawberry lemonade

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

my gf? yes, absolutely.

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

i’d like to think so, yes

Baneberries: Favorite song?

currently “better than me” by the brobecks

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

a mess, i have three siblings, and two of them are currently living at home, we also have two large dogs

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

yes! my best friend anna, and her brother bryan!

Begonia: Favorite color?

purple

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

mantis shrimp

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night person

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

dog, i want the constant love and affection

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

first a botanist, then a geologist

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

i want to adopt some someday! sometimes they suck, but i want to be there for someone who doesn’t have a family to lean on.

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

abandonment, because i’m annoying

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i shared a room with my little brother until i was like 12.

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

visiting all the people i love most, all of my friends, my gf, i’d call my sister

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

taken!

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

france

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

when people take the time out of their day to talk to me

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

nope, i do want some someday, though

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

yes! i got my ears pierced twice because it ripped my earlobe the first time

California Poppy: Height?

~5′8″

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

yes, and if i die before any of my friends, i’m coming back to haunt them

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

a floral tank top, my favorite sleeveless cardigan, and jean shorts

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

yes, my little brother was afraid of the dark and insisted on having a nightlight on

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

my mom

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

my gf

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

architect’s daughter

Columbine: Are you tired?

yes, very

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

tomorrow i get to leave the house all day to drive across the state and it’s going to be a lot of fun

Coneflower: Dream job?

language teacher! either english to people who don’t speak it or german/french to english speakers

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert. i’m on tumblr all day

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

yeah, i think so

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i’d actually die for multiple people in my life

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

yes! a stuffed white dog with a plaid scarf and matching antlers! my friend got it for me because it reminded her of my big white dog.

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

aquarius

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

once i came 3rd in my age group for a 5k i ran

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

i successfully kept a frail axolotl alive for an entire summer

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?

i dont care what my parents think about stuff like that, they cant tell my who i am or am not allowed to date

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

@byler-obsessed literally like, maybe 15 minutes ago as of writing this

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

i’d like to think i’m decent at singing

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

staying awake during the day

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

i saw my gf for the first time in months! i came out to the girls team for xc! i spent a lot of time with one of my closest irl friends!

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

decent, i had coach practice, which was nice

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

yeah, i’d say i’m pretty happy where i am

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

learn guitar

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

my best friends anna and bryan, my older brother, the girls on the team, my ukulele, my therapist, my dogs, the creek in my back yard, my grandma’s amish apple dumpling recipe, random internet memes, books

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

listening to my spotify playlist

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

reassurance and/or talking about things that i enjoy, i’m really insecure so if i’m talking about something i like, that’s me trusting you.

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

the mental health progress i’ve made

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

i lay in bed until like 11, then, i spend the rest of the day out with my friends, we get sushi for dinner and stay up until like 3am

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

be on tumblr

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

i met them both in 6th grade, anna nad i were in the same science class and i met bryan at lunch, he didn’t talk to me for at least the first half of the year.

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

bryan, he always knows just what to say, and knows that he doesn’t have to fix my problems to be a good friend.

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

like, 13?

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

my friend once told me that they couldn’t tell if i was a boy or girl upon first meeting me and it made my day.

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

i’m a mess, an anxious, depressed, gay mess

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

my hair, it’s really fluffy and soft, and just about light enough to dye bright colors

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

my chest, it’s always been a huge part of my dysphoria and i want it gone please

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

i would play dress up with my dog, he had to suffer through wearing all my old dresses, but he got treats so it was ok

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

my friend ry, we met in second grade, we’re still on and off friends, currently off

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

in 5th grade i used the word “suck” in class and got yelled at

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

see above answer

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

carson: christian. it’s my name because i like how it sounds, and anna really liked it too, she picked it for me.

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

white, suburban ohio. all the kids had cliques by the second day of kindergarten, and if you were knew, you generally had a pretty good chance of being picked up by the popular kids.

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

i had bunkbeds with my little brother, i slept on the bottom.

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

so far, not really. i’m just mentally ill and closeted, it’s not great

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she likes to dye her hair crazy colors, and she used to be a beekeeper, even though she’s allergic to bee stings.

Onions: Tell about your dad.

he rides his bike almost every day, and supports my mom in whatever she does

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

on my mom’s side, the kindest boomers i’ve ever met, my grandpa used to take us on “adventures” to the park and just watch us play

on my dad’s side: my grandpa loves seeing us but doesn’t get out much, my grandma laughs hysterically at every family gathering, and has all the best amish recipes

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

when i turned 13, i went ice skating for the first time and fell and sprained my wrist

Peony: What was your first job?

mowing lawns

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

we had mutual friends and slowly ended up being close, we were in school plays and track together.

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

i bite down on my finger to simultaneously distract myself, focus on something else, and hold myself back

Pink: Where is home?

my best friends’ living room at 1 am, with the golden girls playing in the background

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

i’d go back and stop current president from becoming president

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

my sister, she has always been driven and passionate and talented, and she makes everything seem effortless and still gives it her all.

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

me and my spouse and my kids amd my dogs all live in a decently spacious house in europe, my job is stable and i love my work, my students think i’m cool and come to me if they need help, i am doing well.

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

i used to believe that the smoke from fireworks was where clouds came from

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

my best friends

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

the sound of rain on my roof at night

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

when my sister, dad, and i all climbed to the top of a mountain in california

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

throwing up in the car on the way home for visiting my sister in new york

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

a hug from anna

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

it’s hard because i don’t trust people

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

the internet

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

like 5.5 hours

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

to run, it makes me feel better and i love cross country

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

lmao i dont have one

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

my binder!

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

the record player song but a boy

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

a list of reasons why you deal with me/things you like about me

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

the fact that this is taking a lot longer than anticipated and i don’t want people to think i’m ignoring their asks

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

actual books? only 2, Catcher in the Rye and the Night Circus

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

out with my friends

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

yes, and i regret it

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

i’m double jointed in my left pinky

#fuck dude this took forever #long post #carson rambles

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witchymarvelspacecase · 5 years

Text

Spread Your Wings: Pt. 11: What Happened in Russia

Summary: Reader is a HYDRA experiment (like the Maximoffs, but not voluntary) who grows wings (like Angel from X-Men). She escapes, and is now trying to rescue and prevent further kidnappings and experiments.

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Nightmares, mentions of torture, mentions of needles, mentions of restraints (lots of bad shit)

A/N: Sorry this has been a long time coming. I have a plan for the rest of the story now (we’ll see how well I stick to it) so it should be more like a once a week posting schedule 🤞

Spread Your Wings Masterlist

The snow crunched under your boots as you landed. You scowled at the small noise. “Damn snow. That would have been silent if it were dry,” you didn’t dare say anything out loud, but in your head, you were berating yourself for not thinking further ahead. HYDRA didn’t give a shit if the weather was crappy, you had a job to do, and if it got fucked up, it was on you.

You shook your head to clear it of the images of HYDRA’s past punishments; you couldn’t afford to be afraid of something that may not happen, not when a much more likely danger was ahead of you. Of all the ridiculous shit you’d been sent to find, of all the insane targets you’d been given, this was a different level.

Break into a palace. Not a big deal. Break into an old imperial Russian palace? One that had constant guards? Not to mention the constant tourist activity in the general area. Well, you wouldn’t be flying in the window, that was sure.

Why anyone would think to store any sort of weaponry in what was basically a tourist attraction you didn’t truly understand, but then, HYDRA didn’t want you to. All you needed to do was to get in, and out, undetected, with their package. A package that was just described to you a metal briefcase.

A somewhat odd size, and supposedly much heavier than it appeared. Brushed chrome all around with a blue shield logo on the front. You had no idea what the case held, but given that your handler seemed more harried than usual, you were left to assume that he was under pressure from someone. Whoever was in charge was practically salivating at the thought of whatever was in that case. It couldn't be good.

You tried not to think about all the possibilities. There was not a lot you could do to prevent HYDRA from obtaining whatever was in that case. Next to nothing really. All they had to do was flip a switch, activate the chip in your head, and you’d be toast. They’d use someone else.

You’d been down that road before, many times. So many that HYDRA had begun wiping your mind. Realizing what they were doing, or what they intended to do, you guarded yourself. You created a different version of yourself, one that mimicked HYDRA’s Angel. You showed no emotion, no fear, and you followed orders, but behind the mask, your mind was working.

This was the first mission you’d been sent on without your mind being wiped. Your mask must have been good enough to make your handler believe you were broken. This was the first time you were clear headed, could think for yourself. It would be your last too if you weren’t careful.

Heading into the palace was difficult, but you managed to sneak between two guard shifts and into the foyer. You knew there were cameras, but with a quiet command to your chip, they were rendered inert; a non-issue. Physical guards spotting you was the only threat you were likely to face, and you were prepared for that eventuality as well. A pair of silenced handguns strapped to your thighs, throwing knives on your belt, and a dagger on your upper arm.

That was the only thing that troubled you. If a guard spotted you, you had to put them down. It didn’t matter that they were just doing their job, it didn’t matter that they may or may not have a family. HYDRA would kill them.

If you failed to take the case, HYDRA would find another way in, up to and including burning the whole structure to the ground. They didn’t care about people’s lives. If you hoped to save anyone, least of all yourself, you needed to be as stealthy as possible.

“Wait. I-” Tony laughed through his nose, “I know you’re not describing what I think you’re describing.”

“I probably am,” you groaned, dropping your forehead to the table in front of you.

Steve was looking at Tony, a look that could only be described as righteous indignation on his face. Oh they knew what was in that case alright.

“You said it went ‘really badly’,” Natasha prompted, staying on target. “What did you mean?”

You looked up, meeting her eyes while resting your chin on the table. “I mean, I got the fucking case. I got it, and HYDRA had their fucking hands on it.”

“Couldn’t have been for long. SHEILD had it soon after,” Clint mused.

“They had it long enough,” you said, looking down again.

“What did they do with it?” Tony asked.

“Same shit they were trying to do before I imagine,” Steve ground out. HIs jaw was clenched so tightly you were surprised that his super-teeth didn’t crack.

“I am not sure. I think I disabled whatever it was, but like I said, I’m not sure what they were trying to do,” you took a deep breath. “For all I know, I made it worse.”

When you looked up again, everyone was staring at you. Clearly, you were not out of storytime.

“After I escaped, I spent some time going over the information I’d stolen. It wasn’t much, but there were just enough links to the chain that I was able to quietly hack into the facility I’d been kept in. After that, I could find almost anything. I found the machine the cube was running, and I added some extra lines to the code.”

Tony was gaping at you, and Bruce looked green, you couldn’t tell if that was sick-green, or angry-green though.

“Ok, no, I didn’t know what the lines would do, or if I hid them well enough, but I had to do something. That was all I could think of.”

Bucky, who was sitting next to you, gripped your shoulder gently; a show of support.

“Alright, but this doesn’t help us much now,” Natasha said.

“That’s not necessarily true,” Sam cut in. All eyes turned to him, and he shrugged. “Kid got into HYDRA with the files before, she can do it again right?”

Your eyes widened, and you felt like hitting yourself in the head.

“Ought to be easier now actually, since there are more files than she had originally,” Clint added with a smirk.

“What do ya think? You up to a little hacking?” Natasha asked, cocking her head, a smirk on her lips too.

You looked at her, a smile curling the edges of your lips as you said, “all I need is a secure terminal.”

…

Silly request really; Tony Stark did not have any unsecured terminals. Which found you on a computer in his lab, with the entire team standing around you, staring at the large computer screen in front of you.

Occasionally, you would pause, like you were waiting for a signal or something, but then, with no visible change, you would begin to type rapidly. Your chip was capable of assisting you, sure, but you didn’t use it. No verbal commands were given, and though no one in the room could tell (aside from Wanda), you didn’t issue any telepathic commands either. You just knew the pattern. Or at least you had at one point. Hacking the HYDRA systems wasn’t just knowing the code, but also the timing.

Enter a code too quickly, and you trip a system alert. Sometimes that would wipe the system, but sometimes, an alert would alter the files. You could be getting corrupted data without knowing it, and if you were relying on that data? That could be worse than losing the information in the first place.

So you counted in your head. There was a weird almost rhythm to the code sequences. No song you knew, or could remember, but it wasn’t completely random. As soon as you cleared the last levels of security, you set a timer. You had, at maximum, ten minutes before you would have to enter an authentication code. You didn’t have an authentication code, and you had no goddamn clue what it could be, so you had ten minutes.

“I’m not 100% sure they haven’t changed the codes around. These files aren’t new, and the ones I had before sure weren’t. Don’t believe everything in here.” You couldn’t be sure the files you accessed hadn’t been altered.

You scooted back from the computer, letting Tony and Natasha in to do their thing. The plan was to download as much information off of the server as possible, leave the reviewing until after the timer went off. You saw flashes of some of the files being downloaded. Video files. Audio files. Schematics. Tony clearly had great bandwidth; even the giant video files were downloading at lightning speeds.

“No telling what we’re gonna find in there,” Steve murmured. He was standing behind you, and just off to the side, in what you had come to recognize as his “captain” pose.

You shook your head. “No, could be anything, could be nothing at all.”

“What are the chances there’s information about Bucky in there?” he asked, not meeting your gaze.

“Considering it’s HYDRA? Probably gonna at least have some mentions of him,” you shrugged. “I know the agent code they gave him, so I can point out the files that involve him.”

Steve nodded, stepping forward and resting a hand on your shoulder. “Thank you,” he said quietly before walking forward to stand behind Tony.

“That’s gonna mean a lot to him,” Sam said. He’d been standing in the doorway, watching his plan in action.

“I can only imagine. I know what it’s like to not know anything about yourself, but I don’t know what it feels like to have someone you care about go through what Bucky did.”

“There may be stuff about you in there too,” Sam added. You looked at him, a question on your face. “Doesn’t take a genius to realize you have some unresolved shit too. We’re gonna help you out as much as we can, you know that right?”

Smiling, you nodded. “I do now. Thanks Sam.”

“Anytime,” he said. To the rest of the room he said, “I’m going out. Anyone need anything?”

“Nah, I think we’re good,” Steve responded after glancing round the room and seeing no one reacting. “But could you find Bucky and Wanda? Some of this stuff may be important to them.” Bucky and Wanda had opted to stay out of the lab during the hacking. They didn’t explain why, but you guessed they wanted to avoid most of the information that may have popped up. They probably wouldn’t come in unless absolutely necessary.

Sam waved over his shoulder as he stepped out of the lab. You, Clint, Natasha, Bruce, Tony, and Steve were left hovering over the computer, hoping something, anything came out of the ten minutes you’d bought.

The timer ticked over, and Tony typed the exit sequence just in time. The last download you had been attempting was only half completed, but you would have to work with what had come through.

“Alight boys and girls, time to read over what will likely be an incredibly dull series of files,” Tony cheered, clapping his hands and rubbing them together. You chuckled. He was probably right. HYDRA documented everything, most of the files you’d pulled were likely to be useless.

“Hey guys, listen to this. I’ve got some weird audio recording, but it’s under Y/N’s agent code,” Steve said before a tinny sounding audio recording began to play.

It was in an odd language. Not in russian or german as you were used to with HYDRA communications. As you were unused to it, you took a moment to realize what the person in the recording was saying. A moment too long.

“Ahoj anděli. Vidím, že jste nás znovu našli. Tentokrát si myslím, že zůstaneš déle, ano? Touha, Rozpadat, Osmnáct, Soumrak, Chladič, Devatenáct, Maligní, Odjezd, Nula, Motor.”

(Hello, Angel. I see you've found us again. This time, I think you'll be staying longer, yes? Desire, Crumble, Eighteen, Twilight, Cooler, Nineteen, Malignant, Departure, Zero, Engine)

A pause, then the voice again, “Dokončete své poslání. Zabij mstitele.” (Complete your mission. Kill the Avengers).

“I think that’s Czech but I can’t be sure. Play it again,” Tony said.

“Guys,” Natasha’s voice was low, and she was backing towards the door as she got the men’s attention. “We’ve got a situation.

...

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#syw #Spread Your Wings #part 10 #bucky x mutant!reader #bucky barnes #avengers fic

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queer-starling · 5 years

Note

Flower ask: also all of them. you get to suffer with me >:3€

oh darlin’ we’re in it now huh

Alisons: Sexuality?

homogay

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

she/they | all gender will be shot on sight

Amaryllis: Birthday?

sept 23rd

Anemone: Favorite flower?

monkshood

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

stranger things or ghost adventures

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

like? distance? a couple miles probably

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

“We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little lifeIs rounded with a sleep.” William Shakespeare, The Tempest

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

wild cherry capri sun

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ima change that to ‘kiss the last person u thought abt kissing’ bc YES

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

*jenna marbles voice* hell yeah!!

Baneberries: Favorite song?

waiting for the end - linkin park

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

chaos

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

i have too many to list !!! brandi, kasey, you, liz, ivy, nick , just to name a few!!

Begonia: Favorite color?

blue uwu

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

foxes !! and opossums

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

night time babey

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

either a fox or an opossum or a raven, i think

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

i wanted to be a vet !!!

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

theyre ok as long as theyre not screaming and/or mine

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

i don’t liike vomit bc. nastey (trauma i think) and i don’t like old ppl well. i dunno why? they’re just so old and fragile and helpless and sometimes they’re really mean and idk i think it’s like something to do w death or something LMAO idk. also i just hate the idea of becoming old and having to rely on other people ?? hhh

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

i was bullied a lot

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

realistically? probably playing dead by daylight with my girlfriend ADFSGRHYUTR

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

happily taken

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

ireland, scotland, alaska, greece

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

whenever my friends or family tells me they love me but esp when u text me goodmorning or when we say our goodnights sorry im gay haha

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

i have. uuuuhh 6

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

no!!! i want some tho :(

California Poppy: Height?

i think im like. 5′5 or something? give or take an inch ?

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

oh absolutely. my house is haunted as we speak

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

bmth hoodie and pajama pants w foxes all over them. i just woke up lol

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

yeah i always keep one on in the bathroom

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

my sister bc she came home from college yesterday

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

ask me in like. a little over a month from now ;)

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

FONT??? the animal crossing font

Columbine: Are you tired?

oh absolutely

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

thanksgiving, christmas, seeing my gf, magfest

Coneflower: Dream job?

idk if it’s a job but i just wanna own like. a ranch that takes in all sorts of animals and takes care of them

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

ooooh yeah

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

i mean. depends on what they want/need. distance wise? i’d travel the known universe for u

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

he was a plaid teddy bear his name was Stanley!!!! i miss him :( but now i have Little Moon God as my favourite stuffed animal

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libro

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

Working in Yellowstone is something I’ll never forget

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

well. hmm. i was gonna say flying to yellowstone but maybe driving to north carolina by myself bc driving long distances alone to places i haven’t been before gives me hella anxiety (i’m better now)

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?

i don’t pay rent in this house to listen to their opinions lmao.

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

you, i think, when we said goodnight last night!!! EDIT: you this morning!!

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

being bad at dead by daylight

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

dead by daylight

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

(little over a month now but uhhh) GOT A UH ......GIRL.....FRIEND ...... GOT TO VISIT GIRLFRIEND ........ and got the windshield finally replaced in my car

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

i dont know! so far ive laid in bed now im at my computer answering this. not too bad. my shift is only 4 hours today.

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

for the most part, i’m pretty content, yeah

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

MOVE OUT

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

my friends, my mom, my sisters, my girlfriend, my bastard dog

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

metal

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

what does this mean. physically, i’m very affectionate, i just. don’t show it alot bc anxiety/i overthink. that and i constantly tell ppl i love them and what they mean to me

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

whoever is reading this

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

wake up next 2 a cute girl. take way too long to get up. go climb mountain w cute girl. vibe on mountain w cute girl. go to waffle house 2gether. gome home and vibe. play video games or watch a movies/tv w cute girl.

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

i like to make art or play bideo jame

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

oh gosh i dunno. the ones i’ve known the longest are kasey and brandi, and i’ve known them both around/over a decade i think. we met in middle/highschool!

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

you, ivy, liz

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

so many

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

idk man but i remember when you said u had a crush on me and then i posted a selfie and u were like ‘OH NO SHE’S CUTE” and like ??? idk i think that was definitely the first compliment to ever shock me LMAO

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

6.9/10

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

my tattoos

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGGViLwHEUk

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

i liked to play zombies ate my neighbors on the sega genesis !!!!

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

eliza !!!! we lost touch a few years after i moved away :(

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

ima be real everything makes me feel guilty

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

aaaaaa the whole abi/moon incident

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

my name is fox. it means i like foxes

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

northern virginia babey !!!! that place fucking sucks!!! but everyone who lives up there thinks they’re hot shit.

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

i had a bunkbed and i think the walls were pink

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

😬 i’m just gonna say i’m much happier now and i’m coping with life and shit a lot better

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

she’s sweet and funny and i love her so much!! she always does the Most for everyone, sometimes to the point where she isn’t concerned abt herself and i see where i get it from. but yeah my mom is great, my dad doesn’t deserve her

Onions: Tell about your dad.

source of a lot of trauma and why i have so many issues regarding men. i don’t wanna talk about him anymore LOL he doesn’t deserve the attention

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

my dad’s mom is becoming senile and i think she’s racist and queerphobic. my mom’s parents disowned her a few years ago so we don’t talk to them anymore

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

i dunno. i don’t try to remember my birthdays. whenever i can go to busch gardens for my birthday i usually have a lot of fun there.

Peony: What was your first job?

if you don’t wanna count working w my mom as a florist, target was my first job back in 2016. i found my name tag the other day , actually

WELL, i know you followed me on here first. and then twitter?? but we didn’t really start talking until stranger things 3 came out (thank u stranger things) PHYSICALLY, we didn’t meet until fursonacon (haha. i remember when u texted me that u got to the hotel and i came down to help n i saw u unloading yr car and it was then that my brain was like OH NOOOOOOOO and my heart was like OH YEEEEAAAAAAAH)

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

physical, mental, or emotional? i play a video game or listen to loud music

Pink: Where is home?[

somewhere in appalachia i can feel it in my stupid soul

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

idk man i’m pretty content w where i’m at now so

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

chester bennington

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

i have a waife and we have many great pets and we live in a log cabin in the mountains or in a nice victorian in a small town or something IDK but we’re happy and that’s all that matters

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

God

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

my mom, me best friends, my girlfriend

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

my girlfriend’s laugh because it’s THE cutest shit and then when she giggles??? oh my heart

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

oct 23rd, 2005, we brought Fat Boy Zack home !!!!

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

July 22nd, 2016. i was 2200 miles away

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

to be holding my girlfriend >:(

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

hhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

those i hold dear

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

enough, i guess?

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

my girlfriend

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

it’s fucking BORING and TOO EASY and they don’t pay me ENOUGH but i can get away with so much shit there so ima still go, ima still go

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

all of the flannels currently in my possession

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

mountains, woods, forests, cabins, autumn, cryptic, occult, victorian, edwardian

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

if someone gets me a gift i’m legally required to execute them

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

this 40hr workweek i got coming up

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

i have not read in So Long

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Moved out away from here lol, we’ll see

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

i’m a furry

that was SO LONG im sorry i also put you through that but THANK YOU ENJOY READING ILU

#littlecation #ask #long post

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selenecrawford · 6 years

Text

The Odd Pair 13

Warnings: Sex, foul language, fight and murder, heavy fluff

Life is a roller coaster sometimes you are up then suddenly you fall down only to get up again and down. Depending the machine is the amount of turns, ups and downs. The adrenaline, will make you run around like a bullet but then when is gone, it makes you heavy like lead. At this moment, Selene had a hard time controlling her emotions. She felt like a little girl, when you got her favorite toy for Christmas. She felt energized, grinning and feeling happy. A rare mood she haven't sported in a long time. After they had their “practice” at the balcony. Shingen went back to work in order to make an agenda for them. Selene, felt a bit disappointed since it meant playtime was over, at least for the moment. Her new found energy, gave her the necessary fuel to get everything in less time. While folding the clothes after laundry her cellphone started ringing the Imperial March. Frowning she answered.

“Hello?”

“We need to talk.” Nobunaga sounded dead serious.

“Sure, shoot.” the hairs of her nape went up suddenly.

“Who is Donovan?”

“Shit.” Selene closed her eyes. Feeling a bit dizzy, she took a seat at the bed, resting her forehead on her knees. “How...”

“That's the least of your troubles. Did you talked with Shingen, Selene? He needs to know, before Nolan. If I found about it, so could he. You can't hide this, it will damage him big time. Talk to him before I do.”

Taking a deep breath Selene responded weakly “Ok, I will talk to him. I promise...”

“Ok, I will keep you posted and Selene?”

“Yes?” Nobunaga hated the fear on her voice.

“It's ok, I'm not blaming you, you did what you did in order to survive.”

“Thanks.” hanging up Selene dropped the phone. Feeling cold she took a hoodie and went looking for Shingen.

A lot of different scenarios started playing on her mind. All of them ended badly to worse. Her stress made her stiff, tense. She prayed Shingen will at least listen to her, before judging her.

She found him humming to a pop song on the office. She stood at the entrance, taking into sight all of him. His face was calmed, he was smiling as well as humming the song he was hearing on his earbuds. Selene felt terrible for crashing his mood, but she wanted to be sincere with him. Gulping a hard lump on her throat, she approached Shingen and touched his arm.

Shingen felt the cold touch of Selene's hand which made him jump a bit startled. He took a look a Selene who was looking pale as a ghost.

“Selene are you ok? You look pale and cold. What happened? Do you need to get to the hospital?” the worry on his face break her heart. Taking a deep breath Selene started talking with a nervous voice.

“Before we go to New York I need to tell you some things about me that not many people know, not even dad knew. And if after that you don't want to deal with me, it will be ok, I will understand.” Her lower lip was trembling a bit making Shingen worry even more.

“Selene, what is going on, what things?”

“When I went away I tried to make ends meet. But without experience, the jobs were not good enough so, I found a job on a bar as a waitress and sometimes, back up dancer for some of the group shows. I,... never was in this kind of place before but the owner, Loren Dali, gave me a chance. He made me use a blond wig until my hair was longer.” Selene took a pause which Shingen used to sit her on the desk, he sit on the chair taking her cold hands and started to rub them to warm them up.

“Dali, thought I was too good to be working on a strip club so he decided to “protect me”, he teach me to make drinks, served the tables, If there was some show that needed dancers on the background I will do some dancing but no stripping...One night, one of the regulars called Donovan O'Malley was too drunk, he started to get too touchy feeling with the waitresses of the place. When I served him a beer he tried to make a pass. I declined several times until he suddenly slapped me on the face and tried to force a kiss on me. Dali, came to help me, but Donovan was out of control. Both started to fight, Donovan had a knife, tried to stab Dali. I hit him with a chair, while falling the knife fell under him. He stabbed himself on the chest. By the time we found out he was dead. The cops arrived, everyone including me got arrested. For a while I was suspected until they concluded that it was an unfortunate accident. In the end the charges were dropped but I was booked, at the station.” Selene lower her gaze waiting for Shingen's reaction.

Shingen's heart sank hearing Selene's story. So she had a hard time, alone once she left. He got so many questions, but instead he saw how her lower lip was still trembling softly. With his thumb he caressed her lip. Getting up from the chair Shingen couple her face in his hands. His eyes were intense but with a hint of sadness. He started to kiss her softly each kiss trying to take away her fear. Closing her eyes, Selene just let herself go responding to Shingen's kisses. Two tears went down her cheeks. Embracing her in his arms Shingen gave a deep sigh. He knew she got some hardships but never thought it was like this.

Several minutes of silence passed before Selene could speak softly. “Sorry, I made things worse.”

“Shh, no you didn't. Selene, I can ask a lot of questions, and nothing will change the past.”

“How they didn't call Tomas?”

“Dali lied for me. Since I was 18 I was an adult. So I told them that I left home because my family didn't want to deal with me. Dali also indicated he will be my guardian at the time of the event in case it was needed. I know far fetch, but when the cops are not in a hurry to do a good job, they will do anything to close a case, specially when the victim had prior record with them.” Selene remembered those days a shiver run down her spine. The police was overworked, the death was really an accident, but some of them weren't that interested on pursue the case further. She took a look at Shingen biting her lower lip. Her fear was that this could really hurt Shingen's chances against Nolan.

Shingen, let a deep sigh got out, he never thought things might complicate like this. Still he believed Selene, he regretted more than ever the prank he did to her. She wouldn't had suffered this situation if he only had told her he was not interested at the moment. Another sigh escaped his lips when Selene asked.

“Are you mad at me?” Shingen opened his eyes to find Selene looking at him shyly.

“No why? In any case is my fault. I...”

“Is not your fault, what ever happened when I was out of town was on my own.” Selene now was holding his hands.

“But...”

“Shingen, is not your fault please, I didn't plan to tell this to no one. It was part of a past that I left behind. I had to tell you because if you found out at the meeting, then things would had been bad for you. Nolan is seeking a way to destroy you, and if he finds this I know he will use it.” Selene was determined, although scared she also wanted to protect him and everyone from her past mistakes.

Shingen took a look at Selene, a woman completely different from the kid he grew up with. She was still a complete mystery for him, yet instead of running away all he wanted was to protect her with all his heart. He reached for her hugging her tightly.

“The good thing is that you are safe and here, back home.” He began rubbing her back. Judging her won't help, or solve a situation that had already passed. Thankfully, she was alive , safe, stronger than before. She was here with him and that was all that mattered.

“I know you said no one else knows about this? But is that totally accurate?” he managed to nail the hail on the stack.

“Nobunaga also found out. He told me to talk to you.”

“I know he will be there to be with you. Now all we need to do is see how we can get him. Don't worry I wont let him touch.” Shingen kissed her forehead.

The trip to New York was uneventful, although Shingen noticed Selene was anxious. Once they arrived to the apartment Selene started to cook. Her anxiety was getting worse as time went by. She already had her outfit for the meeting which was going to be in two days. Her complete wardrobe was already in place, make up on their case at the bathroom. She couldn't stay calmed. Soon the apartment smell with different sweet aromas. The way she was making cookies, cupcakes and sweet bun's Shingen's favorite. She pretend to be strong but was feeling scared of the meeting. After she was done cooking she made bags with the sweets. The sweet bun's kept disappearing until she found Shingen stealing them.

“Takeda come on, no stealing sweets before dinner. Sweet Jesus, how can you eat this much and still look this damn good?” she kick herself mentally when she realized what she said out loud.

Shingen smiled widen when he saw Selene started to blush. Taking his shirt off, he started walking toward Selene who instinctively started walking backwards until she was against the wall. Putting his arms on both of the sides he got Selene trapped.

“Really? So you finally admit I'm attractive?” his smile was disarming.

“ I don't know what are you talking about. You had been always been attrac...” too late Selene noticed she fell on the trap. Closing her mouth, she buried her face on her hands.

“You are not fighting fair Takeda, that was mean.” she tried to glare at Shingen but failed and end up smiling while shaking her head.

“Really? they said that in war and love everything is possible.” with a grin he captured her mouth in a long kiss.

This time they both took turns to explore each others bodies, both knew this time was different for the others. Their hearts were with them, beating with each kiss, caress and ,movement they made toward each other. When Shingen finally joined her inside, they both started moving slowly, tempting each other while their hands were clasped against each other. Selene's ignited Shingen's desired while he left a road of kisses and nibbles on her body.

“Please, Shingen, ahh” she tried to plead between moans.

“Please what Princess? Hmm?” he lowers his face to one of her breasts, he licks and nibbles her nipple making Selene arch against him, moaning a bit louder her pleasure building up with each trust.

“Please what? Tell me, I want you so much but I want to know what you want, please tell me.” by now he looked at her eyes seeing how both feel the same unspoken emotion. Selene closed her eyes feeling her climax started to reach her. Shingen slow down and waited delaying her. A frustrated moan came from Selene's mouth. Smiling Shingen asked her again.

“Selene, what is what you want, come on, let me hear you. Tell me what you want.” another trust a bit more stronger made her get shivers of pleasure. A trail of kisses went from her chest to her neck. Then a soft nibble on her earlobe. The sweet torture he was delivering to her made her more agitated and sensitive. Her movements and moans also were driving him out of control. Still he wanted to hear her telling her she wanted him. Opening her eyes, Selene gave him a tender look full of love, lust and need.

“Please love me, I need you now.” Selene kept staring at him, until Shingen moaning deeply, increased the rhythm of his trusts. Both entered an intense dance, between kisses, moans and lust until they both reach their climax together. Shingen fell over Selene, while she hugged him and caress his hair. Closing her eyes, her body was still processing the intense rush of pleasure she got, Shingen waited a some minutes before moving to the side, taking her to rest on top of his chest. They drift off on a peaceful slumber hugging each other.

Shingen was the first one to wake up. Selene was cuddled next to him resting her left arm on his chest. His heart skipped a beat when he saw her body. He had to control himself from waking her up to bury himself again inside of her. He knew what lust was, how much he could desire a body. But this was different, it was not only the flesh , it was her smile, her tears, anger, he desired all about her. Kissing the top of her head, he mouthed the words “I love you”. He froze when he said those words. They came naturally to his lips, taking another look at the woman that was next to him he finally recognized that she was the one he was looking for but he thought will never find. Closing his eyes, he aspired the smell of her hair, before getting up from bed without waking her up. Selene woke up one hour later at the smell of fresh brewed coffee. Her body was completely sore, but her heart felt content, she made the equivalent of a confession during their lovemaking session. There was no way what they did last night was only sex. At least not for her, she gave it all. Feeling a lump on her throat she took a deep breath, blinking several times, she controlled the tears that were gathering on her eyes.

(Oh, God since when I'm such a girl. Too emotional) huffing softly, Selene woke up, took a shower, got into a pair of yoga pants with a sports bra and a shirt. She went to the kitchen where she found Shingen, digging on some sweet bum.

“Good morning sweet cheeks.” when passing behind him she patted his buttocks and giggled softly.

Shingen almost shocked on a sweet bun when he felt her hand patting him, creating a chain reaction on Shingen's body. His face started to get hot while coughing. Selene took a cup of coffee, watching delighted how he was getting flustered. With a wink she took a sip of the hot coffee. Sighing content she started making taking things from the fridge when Shingen stopped her.

“Princess take a seat, let me get you breakfast. What will you like?”

“Grilled cheese, thank you very much.” she was going to sit when Shingen grab her by the waist.

“Good morning.” he gave him a deep kiss. Selene had to hold on his arms. The kiss made her legs weak, the intensity, was not like the kisses they shared before. After he finished, Selene smiled hugging him, she was done hesitating. If things were to work she will have to show him how much he meant to her. They say actions speak louder than words. She wanted to show him that they could have a future together.

“Good morning.” she was going to ask him something when the doorbell rang.

“I got it, be right back.”

Selene took a sweet bun and started eating, Shingen came back with Nobunaga walking behind him. The look on both men was dead serious. The alarms on Selene's head started to sound. Shingen gave her the newspaper. On first page was an old picture she thought was burned. The words on the first page were a slap on her face.

“ Newly wed Takeda's CEO wife, scandal reveal. What you thought will never happened. Shingen Takeda's wife a convicted murderer.”

Selene last image before fainting was Shingen trying to reach her before she hit the floor.

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Note: Thank you!! I’m glad you had like the story so far. I hope you like this chapter. ^^

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#ikesen #ikesen shingen #ikesen fanfic #fanfic

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