#also please know that this is the first and last time you will ever see me refer to him by his real name

[st7rnioioss]

࿐ ˚ ⋆ ֹ CHRIS DOESN'T KNOW

— based off the song "scotty doesn't know" by lustra

˚𝜗𝜚 warnings... don't like, don't read! chratt fic!!, threesum (no incest shit), dom!matt, softdom!chris, cheating (don't do this in real life), unprotected sex (wrap it), slightly public sex (? in a car), minor angst (mentions of cheating + arguing), protected sex, oral (f + m receiving), praise kink, dumbification kink, slight dacryphilia.

𝒢𝜚 wc: 5.3k

𝜗𝜚˚࿔ notes: wow wow woooww.. first chratt fic i've ever written! i can't tell if i like or absolutely despise this, but here you are. i love u, freaks!!🤍

chris doesn’t know we do it in my van every sunday she tells him she’s in church but she doesn’t go still, she’s on her knees and chris doesn’t know

“o-oh, matt-“ you moaned, head thrown back against the window of matt’s car, one of your hands gripping onto his shoulders as he basically pounded his cock into you, the other one holding onto the hand grip on the door.

“fuuuckk… c-can’t believe chris gets to see this every day, huh? so pretty..” he ducked his head down to leave a trail of kisses down your neck and collarbone, his pace not halting one bit as his fingertips dug into your hips.

this had become sort of a routine.. every sunday you’d tell chris you were going to church when really you were doing something way more sinful. something that definitely didn’t belong in a church—far from it, even.

you had arranged a specific spot where matt would drive by every sunday, and he’d either have you on your knees in his car or, like right now, sprawled out in the backseat.

“matt! d-don’t stop, please!” you wailed, his thumb connecting to your bud making your back arch and eyes squeeze shut.

“oh, i don’t plan on it.. w-we have ‘til ten thirty-“ he groaned, throwing his head back when he felt your sticky walls clamp around him. “th-think you can keep going?”

oh, chris doesn’t know so don’t tell chris

you knew all this was very wrong.. cheating on your boyfriend, first of all. but with his brother? there was really no excuse.

restless nights were one way to describe the pit in your stomach. staring at the ceiling, asking yourself what drove you to do such a fucked up thing.

chris was perfect… he treated you like there was no other girl in the world, showering you with gifts, and receiving endless kisses from him, and the praise and sweet words he gave you whenever you had sex were more than enough of what you needed.

it left you wondering. couldn’t matt give you the same? they were so similar, yet different. whenever you were having sex with chris, you couldn’t deny you missed matt’s cruel effort to make you cry, rather than chris’s effort to make you smile. yet chris’s compliments is what kept you so flustered and shy around him.

it was complicated. you used to have this “friends with benefits” situation with matt before you got with chris.. and disturbingly enough, it lasted. but you still loved chris, very much.. you just also happened to have sex with matt?

“hey, um.. i don’t mean to be nosy, but like.. you’ve been kinda off lately. are you okay?” chris whispered from behind you, his arms wrapped securely around you.

you sighed, but not in annoyance, messily turning around under the sheets. you met his eyes that had a somewhat worryingly look to them.

“chris, i’m okay. i promise, i’ve just.. i’ve just been tired,” you whispered back, leaving a kiss on his forehead. “don’t worry about me.” sure, you were lying straight through your teeth, but you couldn’t tell him yet. he wasn’t ready to know.

he smiled back at you, nodding slowly as an answer, not wanting to take this thing further. he returned the kiss but to your lips.

oh, chris doesn’t know so don’t tell chris

you were sat in your bed, music playing softly in the background while you scrolled through whatever social media app was interesting at the moment until you were interrupted.

a sigh escaped your lips. you hated keeping this from chris.

even though you saw stars every time you were with matt, it felt so wrong—that pit in your stomach only grew time after time… but yet you craved more from him.

she says she’s out shopping but she’s under me and i’m not stopping

your phone was going off from your nightstand, chris sending messages about letting him see what you had gotten yourself—but that was the last thing you wanted to focus on right now.

chris had called you just earlier, asking if he could come over to hang out with you. but you were.. busy with some other stuff. stuff, as in, matt was over.

“what do i say? i can’t just tell him i’m having sex with his brother,” you groaned, staring down at the confused message from chris.

matt shrugged, taking a sip of his canned soda. “i dunno.. just say you’re out shopping or somethin’, he won’t bat an eye,”

“y-you’re so fucking wet.. listen to that,” matt groaned from on top of you, listening to the wet squelching his dick elicited from your pussy. “y’like it raw that much?”

ecstasy was all you could describe it as. as much as you liked all the positions matt could manhandle you into, this was easily your favorite—along with the raw feeling of his cock buried to the hilt inside of you.

you had always kept a promise that no matter what, you’d never let matt fuck you raw. it was intimate to another level, even the thought of him finishing inside of you making your stomach churn weirdly. but this..?

“m-mm..” you babbled, eyes stuck to the back of your skull as he fucked his hips into the back of your thighs, your legs thrown over his shoulders.

he chuckled, reaching a thumb out to wipe the spit off the corner of your mouth. “so dumb.. you like being fucked stupid on my cock, don’t you?”

you weren’t even processing his words, nodding dumbly at the clouded words before you squeezed around him for the second time that evening. a loud moan of his name escaped your puffy lips, your release creating a ring around his cock.

oh, chris doesn’t know so don’t tell chris

a few months had passed since you got together with chris while keeping up this thing with matt, and honestly, you were surprised you first of all hadn’t told him yet, and second of all that he still hadn’t noticed. you were being quite risky with this after all.

“do you want anything?” chris whispers from next to you, nuzzling his nose into the side of your face making you chuckle.

“no, i’m okay.” you whispered back.

you, chris, nick, and matt had gotten together to watch a movie, though matt’s eyes were not on the screen in front of him.

the tension was in the air—and it was thick. at least between you and matt. it always left you nervous when both chris and mag were in the same room as you. thinking about what went on behind closed doors.

a sense of jealousy was bottled up inside of matt. he’d never gotten to be intimate with you like that. the secret whispers, cuddling, kissing, all that jazz was only something you’d ever do with chris and not him.

still, he pushed that feeling away, reminding himself to appreciate he even got to be close to you.

and though you’d never like to admit, the thought of both chris and matt being with you, touching you had crossed your mind.. more often than you’d like it to.

it was a simple solution, right? both matt and chris having to share you, rather than you being torn inside from lying to chris and cheating on chris with matt.

chris doesn’t know don’t tell chris

“no, i’m serious. something is up, y-you’re not acting like yourself!” chris raised his voice, reaching out to take your hands in his.

the poor boy was so afraid to lose you, his heart pounding in his chest. he’d do anything for you, anything to keep you as his.

“chris, i said i’m okay! nothing is wrong, i’m just stressed lately, stop being like that!” you yelled back, but you didn’t let go of his hands.

you wanted to cry, you really did. your love for chris was so overwhelming, yet you felt so terrible when thinking of letting him know about you and matt. how would he react? would he leave you for good? did you want.. the both of them?

all those bottled-up emotions only left you to push chris away from you.

“no, i’m not- i’m not accepting that excuse anymore. you’ve been telling me that for weeks now, you have to tell me the truth,” he clung to you, pulling you closer to him while a pleading look made it to his face.

you only stared up at him for a while, momentarily considering telling him about this whole situation.

“but.. but what if i am telling the truth?”

chris nearly couldn’t believe what he was hearing, letting out a scoff while letting go of you, shoving your hands off.

“fine. if you wanna be like that, then go ahead. but i can’t help you.”

the whole situation fucked up chris and matt too. every passing second, matt got more and more possessive over you, leading him to bicker with chris.

chris didn’t understand why he was suddenly being pushed away from the both of you, leaving him on edge at all times as well.

the powder and the fuse—chris and matt. whenever they walked into the same room, you could only bet on how long it’d take before the two were arguing. whether it was pointless stuff that pissed the two guys off, or there was a deeper meaning behind the arguments.

all this caused nick to get upset as well. he couldn’t stand his brothers fighting all the time, leaving him pissy too.

whether it was breaking up the arguments between the two brothers or joining in, there was always a building tension in their relationship.

was there any escape from this? all you knew was that your lies and secrets only tore all of you further apart from each other.

i can’t believe he’s so trusting while i’m right behind you thrusting she’s got him on the phone and she’s trying not to moan it’s a three-way call and he knows nothing

the next time you spoke with chris after your little disagreement was over the phone. you had matt behind you, thrusting his cock into your soaked walls while you tried your best to focus on what chris was saying.

“wha.. yeah. yes, that’s- that’s perfect..” you bit back a whimper, your hand tightening its grip on your phone, your eyes pinched shut while matt drove his dick in and out of you.

it was so nice of chris—after the argument you had just a few days prior, he decided he could at least make it up to you by taking you out for a nice dinner, talking stuff through instead of staying mad at each other, even treat you with some make-up sex. hell, he’d even gotten you a pretty dress to wear.

“are you okay? you sound a little off,” chris’s voice could be hear through the speakers, the confused tone to his voice making you wish you could just hang up already.

with a weak and somewhat faux laugh, you answered him. “no, no i’m good.. s-seven thirty is fine,” you mumbled, a whimper falling from your lips, momentarily making you panic. “sorry, my shoe won’t- won’t come on,”

chris shrugged off your explanation. “uh, okay. i’ll see you at seven-thirty then, baby. goodb-“

“bye! i’ll see you,” you interrupted, hanging up immediately.

finally, you let the moans fall from your parted lips, muffled from the pillow you buried your face into, clutching for the sheets. the phone fell from your grasp, matt’s hand grabbing a good handful of your hair, driving your face further down into the soft pillow.

“he doesn’t have a clue in the fucking world.. his pretty girl getting her brains fucked out, huh? on his brother's cock?” he chuckled dryly, lifting your head up.

he gradually picked up his pace, allowing weak and whiny moans to flow freely from your swollen lips, skin slapping against skin.

“i don’t think he’d be too pleased to see this.. drooling over my fucking dick. is it really that good?” he taunted, referring to the patch of spit soaked into the fabric of your pillow.

chris doesn’t know so don’t tell chris ‘cause chris doesn’t know

you should’ve seen it coming, really. all the sneaking around would eventually come to an end, whether you broke it off with matt, or chris somehow found out…

which he did.

“hey, do you want anything? i could grab some food for us,” chris suggested, gently nudging your side to catch your attention.

chris had invited you to sleep over, as if you didn’t basically live with them by now, deciding to starts a movie-marathon. chris’s idea.

you looked up at him from your position on the bed, your limbs entangled. “yeah, sure. i’ll stay here tho, i’m too tired to move,”

chris laughed lightly at your response, but he eventually got out of your complicated position, leaving a kiss to your forehead.

“i’ll be back in no time,” he smiled, before waving goodbye, not forgetting his keys and wallet.

you blew a kiss his way, and not long after you could hear the car running.

tiredly, you stood up, deciding to why not go talk to matt while chris was gone, since nick was at the movies with a couple friends.

softly, you knocked on his door, hearing a faint ‘come on in’ from behind the door, carefully pushing it open.

“oh. hi there,” matt smiled at you, sitting by his desk.

“hello,” you returned the smile, waving at him from his doorframe, taking a quick glance at his room. though you weren’t exactly here to do anything specific, your stomach started swirling, making you nervous.

the second matt stood up and made his way over to you with a twinkle in his eye, you regretted going upstairs to say hi in the first place.

looking at you, he reached out to tug a couple strands of hair behind your ear, leaving you speechless and flustered, gazing straight into his blue eyes.

“did you want anything?” he asked, cupping the side of your face while tilting his head to the side in a questioning manner, though he definitely knew.

you weren’t here to have sex, it wasn’t the time and situation for that.. but now it seemed much more than tempting with nick and chris out of the house. you were supposed to just chat, and keep you entertained until chris came back.

you met his eyes, taking your bottom lip between your teeth, and that was all matt needed as an answer, quickly getting his hands on you.

matt was sprawled out under you, his head and back resting on the mattress beneath him, while your nails clawed for his chest.

“ff-fuck.. we have t-to hurry..” you whimpered, your legs already aching from being spread out on either side of his hips.

matt was trying his best not to buck his hips up to meet yours, the restraint wearing thinner and thinner while you squeezed and grinded on top of him.

“you gotta pick your pace up then, baby..” he mumbled weakly, giving the side of your thigh a gentle pat, as if that would help you go faster.

you shook your head, feeling matt’s hands rub down your sides, one of them eventually reaching for your breast, brushing his thumb over your bud.

“i-i can’t, matt..” you whined, the ache in your inner thighs too evident to keep moving, only continuing your weak and slow rocking, your pussy drooling around his stretch.

“cone on.. y-you just gotta-“ matt went to say, but immediately cut himself off when he heard a creak from the doorframe.

“oh.”

chris stood there by the door, staring at the two of you. the second you heard a voice that definitely wasn’t matt’s and was a little too familiar, your eyes flickered to meet chris’s.

and just like that, your heart immediately dropped to your stomach, blood running cold.

“i-i’m sorry..” you whispered, your voice quiet and barely coherent, staring back up at chris, before looking away from him.

though chris was more than shocked to see you literally sit on his brother's dick, he didn’t feel sad or betrayed like any other person would. sure, confusion and shock were running through his whole body.. but it wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling.

quickly, you reached for a blanket, wrapping it around yourself before getting off matt, leaving him to scramble around with his own blanket.

there was silence. not a single word, except the music playing from matt’s computer, nearly drowned out from the thick tension.

chris felt torn. he wanted to be mad, no, he had to. you cheated, didn’t you? but yet he couldn’t get himself to yell at you, instead feeling a sense of arousal both the sight of you right there, and the thought of.. sharing you.

he kicked the door shut behind him, stepping forward to look down at you sitting on matt’s bed.

“are you mad at me?” you whispered with a hurt expression plastered all across your face, patiently waiting for any chance of explanation.

“no.. i don’t- i don't know why. i’m not,” he mumbled back, taking off his cap to run his hands through his messy hair, before looking at matt.

relief washed through your veins, letting out a sigh of reassurance, yet a perplexed expression made its way to your face.

“can i ask you something..?” chris questioned, his eyes flickering between the both of you.

swiftly, you shot a glance matt’s way, before you both nodded hesitantly, making chris wonder how exactly to word this without being too straightforward.

“could we.. i mean, it’s fine if you think it’s weird, but- i’ve been thinking about us, me and matt, both.. going down on you?”

chris’s words lingered in the air, your earlobes turning pink, as well as your cheeks, staring at him. matt seemed just as shocked, yet neither of the two of you seemed opposed to the idea.

you had no clue that chris would think of such a thing. whenever you had sex, it wasn’t like he initiated more. but from chris’s point of view, he would just get to see more angles of how you’d react to another person's touch, his touch.

matt looked at you, a shrug pulling at his shoulders with an expression that said he definitely didn’t mind.

“i-i don’t.. i don’t mind,” a red hue tinted your cheeks, almost too shy to say the words, to even thinking about what would happen.

and immediately, it was like a switch had been flipped inside chris and matt.

“a-are you guys sure about this?” the words came mumbled from your lips, feeling more exposed than ever, though both brothers had seen you completely vulnerable and naked numerous times.

you weren’t unsure about your own situation, more about theirs. since.. well, they’re brothers?

“shh, don’t worry. it’s okay, we’re okay. just relax f’me, will you?” chris’s breath fans against your inner thighs, making your squirm.

but matt holds you in place, his legs on either side of yours, arms wrapped around your middle from behind you. he rested his chin your shoulder, just to get a clearer look of what was going on, to see how you’d react.

“stop squirmin’..” he husked, feeling your lean further back into his chest, your head thrown back into his shoulder, mumbling a quiet ‘sorry’.

chris wastes no time, pressing deliberate kisses to your inner thighs as you whined in desperation, your eyes fluttering shut.

matt’s fingers make their way up your chest, carefully cupping your breasts in each hand, rolling your sensitive buds between his fingers.

“so, so pretty.. and so wet for me?” chris’s breath was hot against your folds, making another whimper tug at your lips.

“for us..” matt broke in, making chris roll his eyes in response.

not another second passes before he attaches his tongue to your folds, causing you to gasp, instinctively allowing your fingers to reach for chris’s hair to tug on.

you can hear matt chuckle faintly behind you, but it was washed out from the buzzing in your head. chris deliberately lapping kitty-licks to your folds, before pressing his tongue to your clit, hooking your thighs up over his shoulders.

at this rate you didn’t care about his fingers leaving marks to your thighs, the only thought going through your head was the absolute pleasure you were receiving from the two.

“oh gosh, chris.. please keep going,” your lips parted, puffy and glistening while your eyes pinched shut, your senses filled with the faint smell of matt’s cologne that still lingered on his skin.

chris continues to lazily lick stripes up your folds before he lets one of your legs rest on the bed to allow his thumb to attach to your clit. the sudden change made your back arch, but matt held you down once more.

moans and whimpers are being ripped from your mouth, only adding to the fuel inside of chris, working his pink tongue in and out of your leaking hole.

“y’taste.. so fuckin’ good, princess..” chris mumbled from between your legs, the soft vibration of his words going straight up your spine.

chris’s hair was already disheveled and messed up from when you played with it earlier, but when you reached and tugged gently on the strands it only messed it up even further. your reaction adds to chris’s desire, knowing he was doing well.

he let his tongue run down your pussy again, before starting to swirl and prod the muscle at your entrance, his only goal in mind being giving you as much pleasure as he could.

shameless moans continued spilling from your lips, leaning further into matt’s body behind you, your legs closing around chris’s head.

“fuck! i’m gonna come, please-“ you whined, accidentally bucking your hips up, but chris didn’t seem to mind.

his thumb circled your bud even tighter, the slight stubble on his face scratching across your inner thighs, surely leaving a faint burn later.

“shh, y’need to quiet down a tad,” matt’s words were whispered from behind you, his lips close to graze your ear.

one of matt’s hands sneaks from your breast to your neck, gently but firmly gripping you to hold your shuddering body back as you lean into him, trying to get you to stay in place as chris worked you through your orgasm, fucking you with his tongue.

you just about lose it when matt’s fingers add a soft pressure to your neck, your skin heating up and breathing getting heavier—all this leads to your mind fogging up completely.

shockwaves gripped your body, dissolving into pleasure when you came, letting out strangled moans of chris’s name.

“ohhh, just like that.. doin’ so good,” matt chuckled, his fingers slipping from your throat, returning to cup your soft skin

chris’s chin and lips were basically covered in a mix of your release and his own spit, before using the back of his hand to wipe it off.

you chuckled breathlessly, letting your hands fall from chris’s hair, your chest heaving with every breath.

“come on.. let us take care of you,” matt said from behind, clearly growing impatient and eager, gently nudging your back to signal for you to move.

chris quickly stole a kiss, leaning forward to connect your lips, before leaving more down the side of your face, causing you to let out a giggle. he laughed along, before getting settled on the bed.

a second later you’re on all fours, feeling chris crawl up behind you, one of his large hands smoothing down the spine of your back.

your look over at matt, a confused look settling on your face. “are you not joining?”

he shrugs, shaking his head for a moment. “i just wanna watch for a minute.. don’t worry.”

a smug smile made its way onto his lips. really, he just wanted to watch you, how you shuddered and reacted while positioned like that. it was like his own, personal third-person view of how you’d look while being fucked by him.

you just nodded it off, before your legs were spread further apart by his thighs, the tip of his cock prodding at your weeping pussy, smearing the precum over your folds. the icky feeling made you whine, digging your nails into the sheets in both desperation and aching need.

“so, so pretty.. i could look at you all day,” chris whispered from behind you, hand hand reaching the ends of your hair to push out of the way, smoothing his palm up your back.

you smiled to yourself at his sweet words, until you felt him press the head of his cock through your opening. a gasp slipped from your parted lips, the stretch leaving a twinge between your legs.

“christ.. you take me so well..” he groaned from behind you, watching his cock disappear inside of you, a whimper ripping from the back of your throat. “do you wish it was matt touching you right now? this isn’t enough, is it?”

your ears perked up at his question, all blood running from your face. matt was already staring at the two of you, carefully wrapping his hand around his aching dick. chris never talked to you like this, making your stomach swirl—it was only something matt ever did.

truthfully, you shook your head. it wasn’t like matt didn’t make you feel good, but this was really all you needed. “n-no..”

a yelp elicited from your lips when he pressed his cock further inside of your drooling walls, echoing with the whimper falling past matt’s.

you turn your head to look at him, met with the sight of him fisting his erection, eyes locked on yours.

“really? i think you’re lying.. too busy running around fucking my brother. come on, matt,” chris waved him over, his fingertips digging into the soft skin of your hips, pulling you back to take more of his cock.

you felt nervous, more vulnerable than ever under both their eyes and chris’s harsh words, though they weren’t linked with malice, more something to get you both going. matt shuffled closer in front of you, and you twisted your neck to look up at him.

“come on.. you know what to do,” chris murmured, his length throbbing inside of you—it was getting hard to hold back from pumping his cock inside of you, watching your puffy walls suck him in.

nervously, you reached out to wrap your hand around matt, watching the sticky substance already smear from his tip, purposely rub your thumb over his slit, earning a groan from him.

carefully, your lips parted to wrap around his cock, swirling your tongue around the head. matt let out a quiet moan, his hand entangling in your hair, guiding you to take more of him. it wasn’t until he hit the back of your throat he stopped, loosening his grip on you but not letting go.

“fuck, you look so hot with my dick down your throat,” his head lolled back, eyes shut while you desperately tried to adjust to the restraint of breathing, your own eyes pinched shut.

suddenly, chris thrusted his hips forward, his hand on your back pressing down to arch your back as much as possible, the sudden shove forward making your gag around matt, tears prickling in the corner of your eyes.

“o-oh my god..” chris groaned, starting to pick up a slow rhythm, keeping it gentle since he didn’t actually want to hurt you.

“shiiitt.. fucking drooling around my cock, sweetheart..”

spit pooled around matt’s girth, hollowing your cheeks in an attempt to bob your head on his hardness, feeling every vein and ridge under your tongue, causing matt to groan.

it didn’t take long for chris’s pace to pick up, as well as your own, moaning and sputtering around his dick. his hand gripped the back of your head, accidentally bucking his hips into your mouth.

“you feel so good, angel.. so, so good, you’re doing so well..” chris cooed from behind you, gently massaging your hips in a way of comforting you, though his pace was a stark contrast to his dreamy words.

chocked whines were let out around matt, trying your best to signal your climax was close, your head going empty as the bliss took over you. the feeling, the pure ecstasy that ran through your veins seemed irreplaceable in the moment. nothing could add up to this.

the vibrations from your pretty noises and attempted words sent a shock of electricity up matt’s spine, guttural groans flowing past his lips.

you were throbbing around chris, your walls fluttering with every erratic pound, heat pooling in your lower tummy. and chris could feel it all, feel how your soaked hole pulsed and squeezed around his cock.

“you’re close, aren’t you? it’s okay.. it’s okay,

you can come,” chris shushed you, his chest heaving while letting out pathetic whimpers between pants.

you were writhing beneath the two, your clit swollen and a sheen of sweat prickling across your forehead and back. you lost composure, seeing stars from how overwhelming the whole situation was, your body going numb and hot.

“come on, she’s doing so good.. why don’t you tell her?” chris spoke between gritted teeth, looking up at matt.

he looked almost puzzled, not used to being so sweet with his words, but that was exactly was chris was going for. you deserved the world, not derogatory praised though he knew you didn’t mind either.

“yeah.. he’s right, you take it so well, hm? y’like being stuffed full like this?” matt complied, feeling your lips loosen around his length, your bobbing turning sloppy and halting.

your gut tightened, knees buckling under you when you came around chris’s dick, waves crashing upon you as your slick smeared over his length, tears escaping your waterline to roll down your cheek.

the repeated shudder around matt’s length was becoming too much, before his grip tightened on your hair, spilling his cum down your throat when he was pushed over the edge, spit seeping from the corner of your mouth.

“fuck! take it all, i know you can,” matt’s words stung when he continued to rut his hips forward, before tears were staining your cheeks, milking him completely dry.

with a pop, he pulled back, allowing you to heave for air, messy moans being ripped from your throat from chris’s unrelenting thrusts.

“ch-chris.. i can’t take it, please. it’s too much,” you whimpered between a quiet sob, sobs of ecstasy, clamping down around him while the tip of his dick kissed your cervix with every roll of his hips.

“y-you really think you could handle the both of us? at the same time?” matt cooed with faux sympathy, leaning down to cup the side of your face, his thumb wiping the mix of his release and saliva off your lips, “of course, you couldn’t,”

he tsked, shaking his head while giving your cheek a pat. chris then broke in, his eyes stuck to where your two bodies connected, your slick release covering his length, “shh.. just a little bit more, m’almost there doll, you’re doing so good..”

another whine slipped from your glistening, swollen lips, dipping forward to bury your face into a pillow, allowing chris to hit way deeper inside your gummy walls.

you were basically clawing at the soft fabric, hot tears falling from your eyes like prior, the soft cries making his pace turn sloppy, indicating he was close.

with a final thrust, his movements stilled, before spurting the hot seed inside of you, the icky substance filling you up.

he groaned, basically collapsing on top of you, his fingertips trailing down your sides while mumbling mindless praise, “so, so pretty.. you did so well, don't cry. my girl,”

you wobbly made it onto your elbows, smiling dreamily to yourself at his words, completely fucked out and weak while his lips made their way down your back, “i love you too,”.

matt’s hand met the top of your head, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, leaving a gentle kiss to the side of your face.

“anyway.. pizza’s in the kitchen. go crazy,”

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© ST7RNIOIOSS est. 2023

[moonxknightx]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ : I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE : :;

╰┈➤ ❝ [PAIRING] ❞ Seong Gi-hun x F!Reader

・❥・GENRE: Smut & Fluff

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆FANDOM: Squid Game

ੈ✩‧₊˚ WARNINGS: Smut, 18+, piv, oral (F receiving), soft smut, very short mention of choking, Gi-hun being an absolute sweetie

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥SUMMARY: After surviving a number of games already, you are tired and want to go home which you know you can’t, but luckily Gi-hun is there to take care of you .

YOU LET OUT A loud sigh for probably the 100th time that evening as you roll onto your other side, trying to get comfortable in your bunk bed.

“Why can’t I just fall asleep?” You murmur, slowly sitting up right while looking around the room.

Your eyes fall on Young-il, Dae-ho, Jung-bae and Jun-hee who are all soundlessly asleep. Then your eyes fall on Gi-hun who is guarding your self made bunker.

Slowly and carefully, you slip out of bed and head for Gi-hun, sitting down next to him without saying anything.

Gi-hun turns his head to look at you and he can’t help but feel bad when he sees the tiredness on your face. Why is she awake? She should be sleeping.

As if you heard Gi-hun’s thoughts, you turn to face him. “I can’t sleep.” Gi-hun gives you a slight nod before going back to staring ahead of him.

“I’m sorry that I failed to get you out of here.” His voice breaks a little and you notice it immediately. “Don’t. You did your best. If these pigs want to stay to earn their money, let them. Sooner or later they will realize how stupid it was to vote for continuing the games. Half of them won’t even make it until the end.” You scoff at the last part which makes Gi-hun look at you again.

You had met Gi-hun on the first day of being in this hell hole. He had helped you cross the finish line during Red light, Green light. And since that moment you stuck by him, forever grateful that he saved you just seconds before the timer ran out.

When he told everyone that he had played these games before, you were shocked. Why would anyone ever return to here out of free will? Gi-hun explained everything to you. About how he joined the games to pay all of his debts. He told you about the games he played and about the people he lost during them. He also told you how his childhood friend ended his life so Gi-hun could live and get the money. In the end Gi-hun had told you that he came back for a reason. He wanted to end these horrific games, even if it meant his death.

So you joined his team. Not only because you stood behind Gi-hun’s way of thinking, but also to protect him. And he did the same for you.

Gi-hun had grown quite fond of you. He had this urge to protect you and help you with everything he could. He was always worried about you during the games. Especially during Mingle. During one of the first rounds, he lost sight of you and when he heard the ringing of the gunshots from the small room he was in, he couldn’t help but look if one of the fallen bodies were yours. Luckily that was not the case.

The moment the doors opened, you sprinted towards Gi-hun. “you’re alive!” Gi-hun beamed as he pulled you into a tight embrace. “I’m sorry.” You mumbled against his chest.

“Shh don’t apologize, it’s okay. I’m just glad that you’re alive.” Gi-hun reassured you. From that moment on Gi-hun did not once let go of you during remaining time of the game.

“I promise I will get you out of here.”

You look up from your feet to see Gi-hun staring at you. You give him a weak smile before laying your head on his shoulder.

“Please don’t die Gi-hun.” You say weakly. “I’m not planning to.” Gi-hun smiles softly.

“Ahem.”

Both you and Gi-hun turn around to see Young-il standing there. “You two should head to bed. It’s my time to guard anyway.” He says while scratching the back of his neck.

Gi-hun nods and gets back on his feet. He holds out his hand for you to take it, which you do and he helps you back on your feet as well.

“Good night you two.” You hear Young-il say as you head towards your bed, still holding Gi-hun’s hand.

“Gi-hun?” you say softly. “Yes?” He questions while looking at you.

“Could you…could you sleep next to me tonight. I really don’t want to be alone.”

Gi-hun’s heart practically melts upon hearing your words so he nods his head with a kind smile on his face.

He watches how you get ‘comfortable’ in your bunkbed before he joins you. “Are you sure this is okay?” Gi-hun asks as he awkwardly tries not to touch you, afraid he might cross your boundaries.

“It’s okay.” You reassure him while looking at him. Gi-hun’s breathing hitches in his throat as he looks at you. You are so beautiful and kind. You don’t belong here.

“What are you thinking about?” You wonder. Gi-hun just blinks at you. “May I kiss you?” He suddenly asks.

You are a bit taken aback by his question but you nod nonetheless. It’s not like you haven’t thought about it yourself.

“Yes you may.” You smile as both you and Gi-Hun inches closer to each other.

Gi-hun gently places his hand on your cheek before colliding his lips with yours. It’s a passionate kiss, both wanting to feel the other as close as possible.

You immediately kiss back as your hands make their way to Gi-hun’s hair. A small moan slips past his lips as you gently tug on his locks.

He breathes your name and it sounds so beautiful coming from his lips.

“Gi-hun…” You look into his eyes and you see that they are filled with love and sadness, and maybe even anger. But still he kisses you with the upmost gentleness, afraid he might hurt you accidentally.

“I need you.” You whisper and it doesn’t take long for Gi-hun to be on top of you. He leans on his arms which are placed on either side of your face as he looks down at you.

“You are so pretty Gi-hun.” You smile while softly caressing his cheek. Gi-hun can only smile at your words until he feels your hand in his pants.

“A-are you sure?” He asks quickly. “Only if you are. I want you to be comfortable too.” You explain him while placing a kiss to his cheek.

“I’m comfortable.” Gi-hun breathes carefully. “Then i am too.” You slip your hand into Gi-hun’s boxers and carefully wrap your finger’s around his cock.

“Oh fuck…” Gi-hun moans softly while hiding his face in your neck. You begin to pump your hand up and down his cock while Gi-hun is placing wet kisses along your jawline.

“It feels so good.” He says before kissing you again. “Good.” You mumble against his lips with a smile.

You feel Gi-hun grinding against your hand as a way to tell you he needs more.

You want to pull his pants down but he stops you. “Not yet.” You watch with confusion as Gi-hun taps your hips as a way to tell you to lift them up.

The moment you do, Gi-hun slides your sweatpants down and settles between your legs. You watch how he places soft kisses along the insides of your thighs before pressing a kiss to your clit.

“May I?”

“Yes please.” You breathe. Gi-hun smiles before pulling your panties to the side. He carefully spreads your lips and dives in.

“O-oh god!” You moan, immediately putting your hand over your mouth as you feel Gi-hun’s tongue between your folds.

Gi-hun stares up at you with his big puppy eyes while licks at your clit. You try your best to stay still but when you feel two of his fingers entering your pussy, you just can’t.

“Fuck Gi-hun!” You whisper as you clamp your hand down in his hair.

“You taste so good sweetheart. I just can’t get enough of it.” Gi-hun smiles, his face covered in your juices as he keeps licking your pussy.

“Gi-hun I can’t! I’m close.” You moan while bucking your hips. “Then let go for me love.” He murmurs with a lazy grin, still focused on your pussy.

You are immediately sent over the edge as you cover Gi-hun’s face in your juices. You can feel Gi-hun licking up every drop until his face is on your eye level again.

“How did that feel love?” he asks while pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “Amazing.” You breathe with a slight chuckle.

“Is it now my turn to make you feel good?” You ask in a seductive tone. Gi-hun clears his throat as he nods, suddenly feeling shy.

“Come on now, don’t be shy baby.” You place a gentle kiss on his lips as you push him off of you, telling him to lay down on his back for you.

Once Gi-hun is settled, you straddle his lap, both hissing when his cock makes contact with your pussy.

“Is this okay?” You ask Gi-hun while playing with his hair. “Y-yes.” He stammers. “Relax baby.” You chuckle as you kiss his cheek.

Gi-hun watches how you grab his cock and align it with your pussy before slowly sliding down, making both you and Gi-hun moan as he grips the sheets in his fists.

“You feel amazing sweetheart.” Gi-hun whimpers, placing both of his hands on your hips, slowly guiding you up and down his cock.

“I can say the same about you.” You moan while steadying yourself with placing one hand on his chest.

Gi-hun watches how you bounce on his cock, trying his best not to make too much noise, but boy is it hard.

Every time you bounce on his cock he wants to scream out, letting everyone know how good you make him feel, but he knows he can’t, so he bites his lip instead.

“You’re so good to me Gi-hun.” You moan while leaning forward so you can kiss his neck.

“Oh baby…” He groans while digging his fingers into your sides. “Stay like this okay.” He whispers in you ear before starting to thrust up into you.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head as you bite down onto Gi-hun’s shoulder to keep you from making any noise.

“Oh fuck you feel so good baby. So tight and warm, i can stay like this forever.” Gi-hun moans as his thrusts get harder and deeper.

“Gi-hun…” You whimper. “What is it love?” He asks immediately. “Kiss me.” You demand with a slight moan.

“Yes ma’am.” Gi-hun smiles before pulling you into a kiss. You both moan against each other’s mouth while you meet Gi-hun’s thrusts with your own.

“I’m close sweetheart.” Gi-hun breathes while looking at you. “M-me too.” You say while unconsciously wrapping your hand around his throat.

Gi-hun’s eyes widen at the feeling and he can’t help but go even harder now.

“Gi-hun i’m s-so close!” You whisper in his ear while tightening your hold on his throat.

“Come for me baby.” Gi-hun groans. “Be a good girl.” At hearing those words slip from Gi-hun’s lips, you can’t hold it in anymore.

Gi-hun is quick to cover your mouth with his hand as you come onto his cock, soaking it with your juices.

“Fuck that’s it.” Moans Gi-hun before spilling inside of you. You let out a soft whimper as you feel him fill you up with his cum.

“Gi-hun….” you sigh as you collapse on top of him. Suddenly you become aware of your hand being wrapped around his throat so you immediately let go.

“Oh my god i am so sorry.” You quickly apologize, but Gi-hun is quick to shut you up with a kiss.

“Don’t. I liked it.” He smiles. “Really?” You ask surprised. Gi-hun immediately nods. “You should definitely do it more often.”

You and Gi-hun stare at each other before bursting into a fit of laughter.

“Shh!” You laugh as you cover Gi-hun’s mouth with your hand while he does the same with you.

It’s suddenly very quiet as both you and Gi-hun calm down from your highs.

“Thank you.” You suddenly say. “For what?” Gi-hun asks as he pulls you into his chest.

“For being there for me.”

Gi-hun can’t help but smile as he gently ruffles your hair. He places a soft kiss on the top of your head before closing his eyes.

“You don’t have to thank me sweetheart. Now get some sleep, you deserve it.”

“Will you stay here with me?” You ask as you look up at him. Gi-hun smiles, his eyes still closed.

“Of course love, i am not going anywhere.”

I really hope everyone liked how it turned out! It was so much fun to write for Gi-hun. He is quite literally underated in his own show😭

If any of you have any requests about Gi-hun or In-ho, feel free to drop them in my inbox!

[roanniom]

Request for a little hurt/comfort with Steve please. We’ve got a bad brain that likes to focus on cheating dreams and that simply will not do 🥺

Thoughts Creeping In

Steve Harrington x reader

Warnings: SFW, angst, hurt/comfort, nightmares about cheating but it isn't real and you are loved

Steve's face is the first thing you see with your blurry eyes when you wrench them open. Unfortunately, his face was also the last thing you had seen in your dream - a dream in which he had confessed that he was cheating on you.

Steve's brow furrows to mirror the way yours does.

"You were tossing and turning, babe. What's wrong? Bad dream?"

You try to turn over to get back to sleep, immediately embarrassed by the way this has escalated.

"It's nothing..." you try to murmur. However, Steve is having none of it. He holds you fast in his arms and gently tilts your chin back towards him with the crook of his finger.

"What's up?"

He looks very concerned, though you can barely see him in the darkened room. By the tiny, cold sliver of light that is coming through a crack in the blinds you assess that the early tendrils of dawn are just beginning to creep in.

"I...I had a nightmare."

"Oh honey," Steve hums sympathetically. He waits for you to continue, but when you don't, the furrow in his brow deepens. "What was it about?"

"It's not important. It wasn't real," you attempt to shrug your shoulders. Steve shakes his head.

"Well of course it wasn't real, it was a nightmare." When you still don't continue, he presses on. "Was I in it?"

"Yeah." Your voice is small.

"Guess I wasn't the hero saving you from the nightmare, huh?" He's trying to joke, but you decide to rip the bandaid off.

"You were cheating on me." When Steve intakes breath sharply, you're quick to clarify. "In the nightmare."

"Well obviously only in the nightmare." He isn't indignant. Isn't defensive. If anything, he is even more gentle than before. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. But you know that would never happen, right?"

"Of course not..." you reply, but it obviously isn't convincing enough because Steve takes your face in both of his hands and looks you right in the eye.

"I know our minds play tricks on us sometimes and we have shitty dreams, no matter what's real. But I need you to know that that isn't something you need to worry about with me. Ever. Okay?"

You try to nod your head but find you can't due to his gentle grip on your face. It makes you smile a little and you respond verbally.

"Okay."

"Okay good. Now tell your subconscious or whatever the fuck to remember that as well. I don't want it making me look bad again!"

You laugh and snuggle into your boyfriend, feeling ten times better.

~*~

-

--

-

I hope you enjoyed this little drabble! Please let me know if you did.

[yearsbecomingcool]

nice guys finish last | daniel markowitz 18+

donate to gaza here | masterlist | part 1

pairing | daniel markowitz x f!reader

synopsis | you see how long danny can really last.

warnings | f!reader, sexual context, mentions of premature ejaculation, subby!danny, dom!reader, handjobs, degradation, titty worship, nipple play, & edging.

word count | 1.6k

a/n | if writing submissive men is wrong i don't want to be right. this was so fun to work on, it's been a long time since i've written any smut involving men so this was a bit of a challenge, but a fun one nonetheless. i'm trying to figure out which other character's of fred's i want to write for so if y'all have any requests pls share, i am a deeply indecisive person. also!! if you'd like to be on my taglist for future fics let me know!!

You’re sitting on Danny’s lap as he hangs his head in embarrassment. He can’t believe he just came in his pants from making out and grinding. He feels like a teenager again in the worst way possible. He gathers himself enough to speak, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

You cut him off, cupping his face in your hands, “Hey. It’s okay, I’m not upset.”

“It’s just…it’s so fucking humiliating,” he whines. 

“Why? Danny…it was hot.”

He looks up at you, a bit confused. “What? I came in my fucking pants like- like a teenager. That’s embarrassing!”

“To you maybe. I don’t know…I liked it. It’s cute, I didn’t know I got you worked up like that,” you giggle, playing with his hair. 

“Cute? You’re messing with me, there’s no way you thought that was cute.”

You shake your head, “Some girls are into it y’know, I am at least. Makes me feel good to know that all I had to do was kiss you and dry hump you. Makes me think about how you’d react if I actually got my hands on you.”

“You want to touch me?” He asks it as if it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard.

“Did you think I was grinding on you for shits and giggles?”

He blushes bright red, “I just…didn’t want to assume anything. I-I don’t know.”

“You’re fucking adorable, truly.” 

You cup his face in your hands, forcing him to look at you. “Danny, let me make this clear. I want to touch you, I think you’re attractive, I’ve been into you for years. Fuck whatever insecure thoughts are running through that head of yours, okay? It’s hot that you just came in your pants like that, I wanna see how long you’d last if I touched you for real if you’d let me.” 

He wets his lower lip with his tongue and nods his head. “Please…” It comes out small and pathetic. He winces as he hears it leave his lips. 

“Please what? Tell me what you want me to do, Danny.” You straddle his lap again, thighs on either side of him. Your hand goes down to his belt. “I can’t give you what you need if you don’t ask for it.” 

He throws his back against the couch, whining pathetically, his hips rolling up against yours. You reach down to pin his hips to the couch, “Be a good boy and use your words.” 

“God…you’re really gonna make me?” He asks breathlessly. 

“I mean unless you want to go off into my bathroom and try to get yourself off, then yeah, you’re gonna ask for it.” He’s only seen this side of you a couple times in his life and every single time he’s crumbled beneath your feet, ready to do whatever you ask of him. With other girls he’s been the one to take charge, but as you order him around he can’t help but melt and bend to your will. 

He closes his eyes and sighs, “Please…please touch me. I need it so bad.” 

His pleas are music to your ears. You smile down at his lap and start to undo his belt, pulling it off and throwing it to the side. You lean forward and start to kiss his neck while you undo his pants. You don’t pull his cock out immediately, you’re gonna tease him first.

“Let’s make a deal, yeah? You hold off on coming till I give you permission and I’ll let you suck my tits. How does that sound to you?” 

He opens his eyes, glancing down at you hungrily. “I-I just have to hold it till you say?”

“Mhm, that’s all I need from you, pretty boy.”

“Fuck it, yeah, deal.”

You chuckle against his neck, your hand trailing down to his crotch. You begin to palm him through his underwear, whimpers falling from his lips almost instantly. “I knew that would work, fucking perv. Did you think I’d forget every time you’d look at my tits in my bikinis? You looked at me like you wanted to eat me, just wanted to bury your face in ‘em, hm?”

“Oh fuck me…” He mutters, his hips bucking up towards your palm, desperate for something more. “You noticed?”

“Danny, you’re as subtle as a brick through a window. You could’ve burned holes through them if you tried hard enough,” you laugh. You squeeze him through his underwear and his eyes shoot open like he was just given a shot of adrenaline. He whines so pathetically that you can’t help but smirk, “So sensitive…” 

“I can’t help it…I haven’t been with anyone since Allie,” he mumbles. 

“Forget about her, okay? I’m gonna make you feel so good, baby. Promise.”

You tug his briefs down, his cock springing free. “You were hiding this from me this whole time? Allie was a lucky girl,” you chuckle, biting your lip as you look down at it. You hold your palm up to his mouth, “Spit.” 

“You want me to spit on it, shouldn’t you do that?”

“Sorry, should I just dip your dick in your Dr. Pepper?” You ask sarcastically.

“Please don’t.” He leans forward and spits into your palm obediently. 

“Atta boy.” You wrap your hand around his cock, pumping it at a slow teasing pace.

He mewls at your touch, his head falling forward against your neck. He places soft kisses starting at your ear, trailing down to your collarbone. He keeps his hands to himself as best he can, gripping your waist. “Can’t believe this is real…” He mumbles against your skin. 

“How many times did you touch yourself thinking of me, Danny?” 

He whines, “So many times. I felt so guilty every time, just couldn’t get you out of my head. Fuck, you’re so pretty.” He begins suckling marks into your delicate skin, you whine as you get him off. 

You pick up the pace, watching how his body reacts to your touch. Part of you is shocked he’s held it this long after how quickly he came before. “Pervy boy…getting off to your best friend like that, should fucking punish you for it. Do you even deserve to cum again tonight?” You’re teasing, of course you’ll let him cum, you’re not cruel. It’s just way more fun to watch him squirm. 

“Please, please, I’m sorry! I-I just…you-”

“Hm, shut up. Fuck the deal, gonna give you what you need.” You tug your shirt down with one hand, your bra exposed. “Don’t make me do all the work here, it’s not gonna suck itself.”

He reaches forward to tug your bra down as well, he starts to kiss down from your collarbone to your breasts. He leaves marks every now and then, leaving a dark trail you know will leave you wearing turtlenecks for at least a week. He spends his time marking you up, he’s wanted to do it for years. He reaches up for your nipple, rolling it between his fingers, eliciting a whine from you. He smirks as if he’s won, you squeeze his cock softly to remind him who’s in charge. He lets out a strangled yelp and bucks up into your hand. He takes your nipple into his mouth, suckling at it as he moves his hand to tweak the other. You pick up your pace, muttering a mix of praise and degradation.

“Pretty fucking boy, you’re so good for me. Bet you spent so much time fucking your hand imagining doing this to me, hm? Bet you felt so guilty seeing me after, poor baby couldn’t get me out of his head. You’re doing better than I thought, didn’t know you could handle a pretty girl's hand around your cock. Could barely handle a kiss before.” You laugh as he suckles at you.

He’s practically fucking your hand at this point, bucking his hips pathetically. You squeeze your hand around his cock, stroking him and keeping the pace of his thrusts. His eyes squeeze shut and he moves his mouth to your other nipple, whining against your skin as he feels himself getting closer. He suckles harder, causing you to wince at the slight pain. You tangle a hand in his hair, pulling his face flush against your breast. He lets out a strangle moan and spills his seed against your lap and into your palm. As he comes down he suckles at your breast as if he’s soothing himself. 

He finally pulls away, breathing heavily. You bring your fingers to his mouth, “Clean ‘em up for me?” I ask. He brings your fingers into his mouth, sucking till they’re clean. You pull them from his mouth, wiping them against his t-shirt. You grab his chin and lift his head, you smile at the sight of his flushed cheeks and messy hair. “You’re so fucking hot.”

He grins bashfully, leaning his head back against the couch. “I didn’t know you could be so mean…or that I’d like it so much.” He lifts his hand, trailing his fingers over the marks he left on you. He looks proud of them.

“You owe me a turtleneck for these y’know, we’re lucky it’s winter.” 

“Hm you could just show ‘em off instead. Let everyone know I left ‘em there,” he numbles.

“Who knew you could be so possessive,” you laugh, rolling your eyes. 

“Look at you, if I don’t leave a mark I’ll never get another chance.” He sounds sad.

“You’re going to get many other chances, the night’s still young, I haven’t come yet…and tomorrow I might wanna wake up with a pretty boy between my thighs,” you tease, stroking his hair gently. 

“Fuck…I feel like I need to clean you up instead. Another round in the bath maybe? Your hot water got fixed, right?”

You chuckle, “Yeah, fucking finally. C’mon, I think you owe me an orgasm or two.”

[thanosscross]

Going Home - Kwon Ji-Yong/G-dragon x reader x Choi Seung Hyun/T.O.P

Summary: After a fight with your boyfriend, you're left going to the only place you remembered was close, the same place your two best friend lived.

Warnings: This is a lil deeper heavier fic lovelies, containing DV (domestic violence) between reader and their ex, so please, if you're not comfortable with the topic, please feel free to pass over this fic, and check out some of my other works instead, take care of yourselves lovelies <3 love you

Whenever you met Kwon Ji-Yong you were only seven, your mom being best friend's with his, causing you two grow up very close. After he joined YG Entertainment, You decided to stay back, supporting him from the sidelines as he quickly rose to fame with his group, BigBang. That's how you met Seung Hyun, quickly you all three became attached at the hip, doing everything together before you all hit the legal adult world.

As they moved on with their lives, you moved on with yours, starting a job as a dance teacher for younger kids, and finding a somewhat stable relationship. You and your boyfriend, Kim-Cho, were somewhat good together, you got along for the most part, you weren't sure how to describe how he was, it was difficult. He'd be so kind, but then all of a sudden just flip, going off on how you look or talk around his friends, he'd shower you with love before ditching you at a random shop to go to a party, in the middle of heat waves and winter storms. It was getting mentally draining for you, always feeling like you needed to be perfect, but at the same time, not too perfect, but also perfect. His mood swings had you slowly isolating yourself, not wanting him to be mad at you or your friends, much to Ji-Yong's disliking.

As the boys noticed you pulling away from everything, they felt as if it was their fault, they did promise not to forget about you whenever they got big, and they felt like they had for a little bit, getting wrapped up in working and the others. So they both tried apologizing, calling and messaging, but neither of them ever got a reply from you, only messages being left on open, and calls going straight to voicemail. Unknown to both, you were being screamed at with every text and call, your boyfriend, not liking the idea of another man calling and texting saying he's sorry and he loves you. Wednesday night was your final straw, whenever Kim-Cho busted into your shared home angrily, screaming something about where you were all day, knowing you had been in your bedroom the entire day, you lost your cool.

"I don't need a fucking father! Or You! You fucking crazy obsessive small dick bitch!" You shouted, gasping whenever you felt a hand connect with your throat "Say that again, fucking whore" He spat, you tried to stay calm, remembering your mother's words she had always told you once you started dating 'Some people will want to see you scared, don't let them, staying calm will scare them even worse'. You felt yourself becoming light headed as he lifted you off of the ground slightly, taking the last bit of the fight in you, you quickly swung your legs, crying out in relief whenever you felt your foot connect with his stomach, causing him to lose his grip and drop you to the floor. You didn't take any time, rushing out of the home leaving all of your belongings behind, trying to catch your breath you ran your hand gently over your neck where his hand was.

You made your way to the one place you knew from the top of your head that was close, as you tried to keep your tears back you wrapped your arms around yourself, of course your first time in their company you'd look like a mess. The thought made you stop for a moment, did you really want to show up like this? Before you could turn away and head back home, you were stopped by a soft voice "Hey! You're Y/n right? Ji and Seung's friend?" A shorter man asked, someone you recognized to be one of the boys' bandmates, Dae-Sung. "Y-Yea, I-I uh..Don't exactly know what I'm doing here" You muttered sheepishly, Dae-Sung tilted his head, taking in your state, it was 9:30 at night, and you were in shorts and an oversized t-shirt, your hair was messy and tangled, your face flushed of any color as tears stained your cheeks, followed by a bright red forming mark at the base of your neck. "Hey..Why don't you come in, Both boys are upstairs" He more of demanded, as he offered his hand gently, you just held yourself tighter, following behind him as you kept your head down.

As Dae-Sung opened their dorm room, he was quick to shake his head at his friend "Where's Ji-Yong and Top? Their friend is here" He asked, nodding as soon as Tae-Yang pointed to his room, knowing by his friend's tone, something was wrong. As you entered your friends' shared room, Dae-Sung was quick to close the door behind you, knowing you would most likely want privacy with what was going on. "Y/n?..What're you doing here? Why are you dressed like that? It's the middle of winter" Ji-Yong rambled, rushing to you before he fully realized your shaken state, he slowed down, gently putting his hands on your shoulders "Y/n..What happened?" He asked cautiously, not wanting to startle you anymore than you already seemed to be, hearing his voice again caused you to break down into tears, wrapping your arms around him tightly. Seeing your state, Seung Hyun stood from his spot on his bed, quickly making his way over "Aein, talk to us" He pleaded, Seung Hyun was panicking, not only was his normally smartass, confident, loud spoken friend completely breaking down in front of him, but you also didn't seem right. There was something about your state that just struck fear in his body as he watched Ji-Yong hold you in hug, it was the middle of winter, and yet you were dressed like it was summer time out, not to mention your usual proud and straight stance, was now slouched and huddled like you were terrified.

It took twenty minutes for your friends to calm you down, now just silently laying your head down on Seung Hyun's thigh as you tried to stay awake, now that the adrenaline was gone, you felt exhausted. Ji-Yong was sitting in front of you and Seung Hyun, moving your hair out of the way to get a better view of your neck "Was it your boyfriend?" Ji-Yong asked softly, his tone still firm as his eyes flicked to Seung Hyun's, neither of them liked Kim-Cho, anytime you had brought him out to dinner with you guys, he was always sending nasty glares and always had a very tight grip on you. You just stayed silent, choosing not to respond as you just took a deep breath and closed your eyes, finally feeling safe enough to sleep.

The four boys would leave almost an hour after you fell asleep, and wouldn't be back home until late the next day, whenever they did turn up, papers from their lawyers in hand, they noticed your still sleeping frame. You couldn't help it, after months of being afraid and always woken up to a fight, you finally felt like you were in a safe enough environment to just let yourself fall into a deep sleep. As your two best friends made their way over, Ji-Yong smiled "She's kinda cute like that, right?" He asked softly as he noticed you curled up wearing Seung Hyun's hoodie with Ji-Yong's blanket wrapped around you tightly. "Kinda? Do you need your glasses?" Seung Hyun scoffed, smacking Ji's arm gently in offense as you started to stir "Ok, Ok, She's fucking overly cute like that" He chuckled blushing brightly as his friend forced the admission out of him "See? I knew I wasn't the only one who liked her" He teased, making his way over to you, going to attempt to see if you'd wake up to eat and actually tell them what happened. They could get the gist of the situation, enough to where they'd be in trouble with their agency and lawyers for the next six months for assault against Kim-Cho. "Aein..." Seung Hyun called softly, placing his hand gently on your shoulder, you just huffed, trying to pull the blanket closer to you, Ji-Yong laughed, making his way to lay on the bed next to you. "Y/n...Dear, wake uppp" He asked, trying to cup your cheek, only for his hand to be swatted away by your sleeve that hung over your hands as you slept "Come on, Aein, wake up, we want to make sure you eat" Seung Hyun whispered softly, slowly pulling the blanket away from you, laughing as you just pulled your legs inside of the oversized sweatshirt with you, continuing to sleep as peacefully as you could with both boys bothering you.

"Y/n..I will pull you out of bed" Ji-Yong chuckled, moving to the end of the bed before grabbing onto your ankle, that was something that caused you to move quickly, trying to kick him away as you scooted up towards the pillows "You will do no such thing, sir!" You shouted, trying to blink the tiredness out of your eyes, Ji-Yong just smiled evilly "I don't know, Seung Hyun...I think she still looks pretty tired...I think she should go for a swim" He teased, reaching for your legs again as you screamed loudly, moving to your feet, using Seung Hyun as a human shield "Help meee!" You whined loudly, wrapping your arms around his waist as Ji-Yong laughed loudly standing on the other side of your shared friend. Seung Hyun held onto your arms gently as he turned you around so you were in front of him, his arms protectively around you "If you want to throw her in the pool, you better lift weights, because you'll have to throw me too" His deep voice made his chest rumble slightly against your cheek, you just held on tightly, knowing damn well Ji-Yong would and was going to throw you in the pool the first chance he got.

After you ate finally, you explained everything to the boys, sitting on the living room floor as you picked at the loose threads on the sweatpants Ji-Yong let you borrow. Whenever you were finished speaking, you were quick to shoot a glare at both boys "Try and pity me, I will kill you" You threatened, Seung Hyun and Ji-Yong just smiled sadly, upset that you had to go through any of that, but also glad to see their usual y/n back. "Stop smiling like that! It's weird!" You laughed, watching as they glanced at each other smirking as they chuckled "Is this better?" Seung Hyun asked before pulling his best fuckboy face, Ji-Yong trying his best to copy him, you just squealed stumbling onto your feet as you backed away "Nooo! Tae-Yang! Boys! Help me! They're trying to fuck me!" You cried out rushing away towards their shared room as you heard all four boys bust out in laughs, as you ran into the room, you quickly jumped onto Dae-Sung's bed, trying your best to hide behind him as the boys rushed in behind you "Y/n..You picked Dae-Sung to hide behind? Really?" Ji-Yong asked, immediately spotting you, peeking out from behind him you glared "Stop being weird, and I'll come back out" You offered, watching as they glanced at each other before nodding "We won't be weird" They agreed, something about their smirks told you otherwise though.

Fucking around with the boys for a few more hours, you were left worn out, laying sprawled out on the couch with your hood pulled over your eyes as the boys sat across from you. "Hey boys?.." You asked softly, not moving from your spot "Hmm?" Seung Hyun asked softly, Ji-Yong fast asleep next to him, half of his body hanging off of the couch so he could cross his leg over yours as he slept. "Where were you all day?.." You asked softly, getting up to move spots, sitting between the two, using Seung Hyun's side as a pillow, Ji-Yong tiredly draping his arm over your side in his sleep "Getting some things done, had a meeting with a few people" He hummed calmly, you furrowed your eyebrows, normally you'd believe him, but the fact Tae-Yang kinda snitched them all out made you adamant about getting the truth from Seung Hyun and Ji-Yong themselves. "So..you were never at my house?..getting in trouble?" You asked, watching as he tensed, slowly turning to look at you "Are you mad?.." He asked first, not wanting to admit anything before knowing how you felt first, he learned that from watching Ji-Yong do it too many times over. "No..A little..but not really" You replied after a moment, blushing brightly as you felt Ji-Yong's hand slowly move the front of your hips as he slept. "Was he always this cuddly?" You asked, looking down at your friend's arms, questioning if he ever cuddled you like this during your countless sleepovers as kids. "He likes you" Seung Hyun mumbled "We both do, it's why we felt obligated to show your ex boyfriend how to properly treat women" He explained softly, emphasizing the ex before boyfriend as he looked at you, as he closed his book you only now noticed his slightly bruising knuckles on his right hand.

"You do?.." You mumbled furrowing your eyebrows as you looked between the two as Ji-Yong nodded tiredly now suddenly aware of the conversation. "How can you both?.." You asked tilting your head, not really catching on, causing Seung Hyun to smile "You're adorable, Aein..." He whispered, pressing his lips to your forehead. You spent the night talking about the situation, and slowly with explanation, you understood what both boys were saying "This is really some famous person, shit" You laughed jokingly watching both boys roll their eyes "So?.." Ji-Yong asked nervously, pulling his small silk scarf over his hands and through his fingers as he waited. You sighed looking at them both, offering them a sympathetic smile with sad eyes, you felt bad, but this was funny "I guess, as long I'm the only girl" You stated, looking between the both of them "I like the idea of saying I have two boyfriends" You smirked nodding a bit causing Seung Hyun to laugh loudly, Ji-Yong covering his face as he blushed brightly, not knowing how flustered it'd make him hearing you call him your boyfriend.

--

I couldn't decide on who, so I did both, again, this was a fic with a lot darker topics than I usually write about, so please take care of yourselves, lovelies, and please reach out if anything similar is going on to you or somebody you know..

--

Taglist

@onyxmango

@ag02212023

@acehasmyheart

@mitchko11

@learninglinesintherainn

@seunghyunwifey

@alexandralibbre

@jajabro

@heartsforseo

@lilou-0401

@maenoakasuna

@ericityyy

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@isssaaaa2111

@goodnight-n-go-home

[aforeffective]

my headcanons of the socs' families, as created by me at 12:30 am instead of sleeping

(remember that these are just my personal headcanons so even if you disagree with me, please be respectful) (also some characters have less than others, i apologize about that. i promise i love all of them)

this is long so its below the cut.

trigger warning for bad parenting ig? basically it is exactly the level you would expect in the outsiders. there is not graphic explanations of abuse but definitely insinuations

marcia meyrink-mariani

her parents are great and they love her very much and she is their pride and joy

BUT her parents both grew up in lower-income families

they both grew up to have successful careers so they were able to get from like lower-middle class to like upper middle class

and both of her parents are pressured by their own parents to work to keep the status of the family because they want to see marcia get what they could never provide their kids

so her parents and her grandparents all love her very much and have great intentions

but now they are unintentionally kinda neglectful just because they are ALWAYS at work, so that they are able to provide marcia with everything she could ever want

i do think she is very close to her parents when they are actually home though

and because of their pasts of growing up in lower-income families, they aren't as judgmental as the other west side families, hence why marcia isn't as against two-bit and the greasers as her friends are

they liked her relationship with trip but they are also very supportive when she breaks up with him and begins dating two-bit

last name headcanon: meyrink-mariani. meyrink is her mom's maiden name while mariani is her dad's last name.

beverly jitney-bush

her mom is absolutely a toxic pageant/ballet mom (yes bev does pageants and ballet) (or at least she did when she was younger)

her dad is always "gone at work" but both bev and her mom know that he's with his girlfriend (who is probably controversially younger than him. like not too badly to the point where its close to bev's age/being illegal. but definitely like 5-10 years younger than him)

like this is a well known fact. everyone knows that he's cheating but her mom never acknowledges it so everyone else just kinda ignores it

due to the ballet and pageant stuff, bev's mom is very controlling when it comes to her health and her body

bev tries to spend a lot of time at brill's house to escape her mom's control but her mom will find excuses to keep her at home

bev hates both of her parents and honestly just wishes her dad would run off with his girlfriend so that she'd at least only have to deal with one bad parent

cherry valance

okay so she's the only one that has canon family info in the musical so we're going to build off of that

her dad is an alcoholic and not great to cherry or her mom

high school "sweethearts" but not in the same way as brill's parents. brill's parents stayed together cause the love each other. cherry's parents stayed together cause her mom felt obligated

when i was coming up with it, my brain kept thinking of daisy from the great gatsby; how she married tom because she had lost hope of running into gatsby again and then the whole "beautiful little fool" thing and that is definitely how cherry's mom felt when she was pregnant with cherry

and i think because she knows cherry has grown up to not "be a fool", she pushes cherry towards bob in hopes that cherry won't get herself into trouble

due to this daisy comparison, i'm going to say that cherry's dad was probably her mom's second love but she never truly got over her first love

cherry def read the great gatsby and just felt so depressed by daisy because it is literally her mom

i'm going to say that cherry's mom doesn't work so she is home with cherry but she's never really bothering with her. she'd rather hire a nanny to deal with cherry as a kid, and then just lets cherry watch herself as she gets older

bob sheldon

his parents are so neglectful

they just do not have the time (or the want) to care about him

he could be sitting next to them at the dinner table being like "yeah i murdered 30 people and now cherry and i are gonna drop out and go on the run together and get hitched" and they'd be completely not listening like "oh wow, that's nice honey"

he acts out in hopes of getting his parents' attention (iirc randy says this in the book) but even then they literally just do not care

he'll come home to an empty house with a note on the counter that just says 'your problem is dealt with, be smarter next time'

they literally just do not care enough to lecture him or acknowledge him causing trouble

i hc that they also barely even acknowledged his post his death either and cherry had to pressure them to plan the funeral (and she had to do a lot of the work for them) (despite being literally a teenager) (and doing this while dealing with her own grief and also the fallout of all of her friendships)

paul holden

his parents literally only care about him when it comes to what he does for their reputation

as long as he gets good grades, does well on the football team, and can attend fancy business dinners with them and make the family look good, they do not care about anything else he does

they definitely taught him that as long as he does the above, they will throw money to make any problems he has go away

which definitely screwed with both his sense of right and wrong and also just how he views love in general

i view his parents as people who were in love before but don't really care for each other any more but refuse to get divorced (again, all they care about is their reputation to the other wealthy west side families)

so paul has a very toxic view on what love is

and they also taught him nothing about handling emotions

so he is soooo bad with his emotions

his parents definitely having screaming matches at each other a lot

he has definitely snuck out in the middle of the night and went and slept at one of the guys' house because his parents wouldn't stop screaming and he needed sleep

chet baker

chet's parents are not great

his dad is a cop (this is inspired by skyforcherry's chet headcanons because i just love the idea of one of the boys' fathers being on the police force and being one of the people investigating bob's death)

he has two older sisters but they have moved out and gotten married and begun their own families

chet's mom loves chet but when he was a kid, whenever she would do anything for him, chet's dad would yell at her for "spoiling" him and saying that it is emasculating that chet needs a woman's help doing everything (despite the fact that this is literally just a child wanting to spend time with his mom)

chet was also very close with his sisters as a kid, until his dad made him feel bad about it, saying he needed to stop acting like one of the girls

so yeah, his mom and his sisters could barely do anything for chet without his dad complaining that they were making him girly and "messing him up" (not for lack of wanting to. they do love him but their husband/dad can be scary when he's angry) (he's not outright physically abusive but definitely threatens that he would 'be able to get away with it' when he's angry)

so the only people in his house that he can really get attention from is his dogs, but even then his dad will find excuses about how depending on animals for companionship isn't manly

when he is home, chet's dad will be very nitpicky about everything he does. if chet does anything wrong or just in a way he doesn't like, there will be yelling

and he will poke and prod until chet finally reacts and yells back

and then chet's mom will begin crying because she just hates the yelling and fighting

and then chet will feel bad so he'll stop arguing back and just let his dad yell

and after a few minutes, his dad will stop and chet is just so tired of this because it is a cycle where his dad will do this and then apologize and be like "i didn't mean to get that mad, i didn't mean to set off your mother, let's both apologize to her"

and then they do this all over again a few days later (over such minor things)

because of this, chet has learned to avoid home unless he feels like being alone, in which case he'll lock himself in his room with his dogs and avoids interactions with his parents to avoid argument

terrence "trip" dipp

trip lives with his parents, his aunt, and his cousin (melvin)

his uncle passed away, leaving his aunt widowed with a young son so they moved in with trip's family (it was his dad's brother)

trip honestly doesn't interact with his parents much

they're fine. they work, they come home, they all eat together as a family, and then everyone splits off to do their own things

his dad can definitely be harsh, especially to his sister-in-law and he has definitely been caught complaining about having to deal with this "random kid" living in his house (aka his nephew)

trip is very close with his aunt

the reason she moved in is because she has some sort of chronic illness that causes her to get sick a lot, which was only made worse after her husband died

so she moved in to get help with her illness and melvin

it was trip's mother's idea and trip's father only agreed out of respect for his now deceased brother

trip acts annoyed by melvin but he has grown to care for him as a brother (but he would never admit it)

clark "brill" brillstein

okay imo his parents are the best of all the socs' parents

they were high school sweethearts that got married (and pregnant with brill) like within the summer after graduation

because of this, they're younger than the other parents. the others all are in thier 40s, having had their kids in their 20s but brill's parents are only like 36

they are THE parents of the group. if any of brill's friends need anything, whether it's just advice or someone to talk to, literally anything, they go to brill's parents. he has come home to every single one of his friends talking to his parents before. it is a common occurrence.

such a healthy family dynamic

yes they love brill's friends and want to act as their parents but they will never let brill feel sidelined to his friends because of their attention

[salda4]

A Starry night

I approached Her.

One hundred and twelfth bloom, I had a hard time remembering how to pronounce Her ancient and alien name, fortunetly for me She let's me call Her Daisy. A being of such age just sitting at a table in a cafee.

'Is something wrong little one?' She asked, as if Her presence here wasn't so out of place for me.

'Nothing Miss Daisy' I responded, hoping i kept a straight face.

She showed me to take a seat next to Her on a Affini-sized couch. I still had no idea what She would want from a girl like me, just a boring, normal, mortal person.

I still took the seat nonetheless, talking with Her was always interesting and I couldn't miss out talking to someone so fascinating.

'How was your week?' I started with a safe question.

'Nothing special, at least nothing more special than you here petal. So let's talk about the most interesting thing that has happened this week and what is on said "thing's" mind. I see something is bothering you and has been so for our last few meetings.'

I just sat there frozen with her 6 mesmerising eyes piercing through me. I had no idea how to bring up how insignificant I felt next to Her.

I did not want to mention how hard it was to adjust to the idea of no more capitalism, how it all felt so foreign and I wanted to cry. It was not bad by any mean, I just had a hard time adjusting and it was all my fault and i shouldn't concern Her with such banalities.

I jumped as I felt a vine poking at my arm and then going inside of it.

'Pardon me, I seem to have asked a hard question causing you some unnecessary anxiety. I hope you do not mind some class-E and very mild class-D to help you talk.

I was scared of what was about to come out of my mouth, I did give Her permission to administer me xenodrugs just in case but I never expected class-D.

'Just you are so old, not like it is bad or anything but my mind just thinks it is weird you even notice a dumb girl like me also ever since the Affini arrived everything has been changing and it is so much. Suddenly it is okay to wear a collar in public and even though I always wanted that I just can't get myself to do it because I am still scared people will look weird at me. Please make it stop, please.'

I stopped as soon as i felt her administer something to neutralise class-D in me. I stared at my hands just wanting to cry and expecting her to do, I don't know, something. Something bad must happen, it always does when I open up, parents hated me for that, some friends did too, now Her.

Instead I felt a warm embrace.

'It is okay little one, you are absolutely not dumb and I am deeply sorry for making you speak what you think like that. I however belive it was necessery for you to say it out loud and I am glad I could hear it, that way I may help you. In the meantime would you like to order something warm to drink while you recover?'

I just silently nodded.

After some time i have noticed what a beautiful night it was. I hang on to the one familiar thing I could see, the stars. I always liked watching them I could always count on them, recognising constellations above made me feel calmer. I finally got a nice lukewarm tea, just the way I liked it. Another thing to ground me and calm me down.

'Do you remember the first time you saw the stars?' I asked after what felt like an eternity.

'Of course I do.' She responded with that gentle voice of Hers.

'How different was it from the one here?'

'Unimaginably so.'

'You must miss it' I knew I would.

'To be true with you my dear, I don't. If that sky stayed with me for all my blooms I would not have taken florets, I would have not helped so many cuties like you. I am aware change is scary, especially for your species,from my observations, however it is also natural. The world around you will change, sophonts you meet will change, the sky will change, you will change but it is for the better. Standing in place doesn't get anyone anything. Even if some things don't seem to ever fully change, sometimes you will meet old friends and it will be as if not a day has passed. You will find a few thing that will stay somewhat the same, the way you like tea, what your favaurite genre of books is, ones your heart belongs to.

Although a lot will be diffrent and you must remember that. Some sophonts need help with accepting that truth of the ever changing universe, others realise it on their own. Once you realise you can change and leave things behind you can be fully yourself. You can be free from what everyone thought you should be, break out of that rigid idea.

For instance, becoming a floret is about accepting that change, you put all the terrible things behind yourself and can begin being your best self . Tonight you are an independent, but who knows about tomorrow?

I may have a new pet to talk about the stars with.

We will see, won't we petal?'

I for once looked happily towards the future, knowing that tomorrow I I would be Hers forever.

[tenwhiteandalusians]

is episode 8 the domitian arc ? more on this and EVEN MORE narratives i’ve been ignoring that the show said “actually,,,” about in 5

[eruditegeek]

I feel so disconnected all the time.

[pocketramblr]

All these posts about Ganondorf in totk but not one agreeing with me that the best possible thing would actually be if this is the Ganondorf from fsa and not oot, because it'd be the funniest way to remind people that there was actually more than one and also then he would be truly unprepared for this Link and Zelda combo

[seventh-district]

sometimes it’s late at night and you’re cleaning your room and you come across a few old black and white photos of a young girl and you stare at them for a long minute wondering how on earth they got lost in an old Kroger shopping bag with an unopened pack of cigarettes and a receipt dated 2017.

and you look at the girl in the pictures sat on the floor of someone’s home you don’t recognize, smiling and playing with a set of keys and a tiny part of you feels like it recognizes her but you aren’t sure.

and you flip the pictures over hoping to find some sort of annotation that would give you context and all you find is the year 1964 stamped in tiny font along the edge.

and you flip them back over and time stands still as you realize that the recognition you feel is because she looks so much like you once did and next thing you know your hands are sweating and shaking and you have to sit on the floor because you’re crying so hard because it hits you all at once that you’re looking at your mother.

[kanerallels]

Lads, let me tell you something. Deciding to watch The Rookie based mainly off my knowledge from Tumblr (which mainly made me think that it was the Tim and Lucy show) is kind of a trip in the first season when Nolan and Lucy are a thing

[killerprotector]

Okay but why do moms just absolutely HATE their oldest daughter????

[hamletthedane]

I was meeting a client at a famous museum’s lounge for lunch (fancy, I know) and had an hour to kill afterwards so I joined the first random docent tour I could find. The woman who took us around was a great-grandmother from the Bronx “back when that was nothing to brag about” and she was doing a talk on alternative mediums within art.

What I thought that meant: telling us about unique sculpture materials and paint mixtures.

What that actually meant: an 84yo woman gingerly holding a beautifully beaded and embroidered dress (apparently from Ukraine and at least 200 years old) and, with tears in her eyes, showing how each individual thread was spun by hand and weaved into place on a cottage floor loom, with bright blue silk embroidery thread and hand-blown beads intricately piercing the work of other labor for days upon days, as the labor of a dozen talented people came together to make something so beautiful for a village girl’s wedding day.

What it also meant: in 1948, a young girl lived in a cramped tenement-like third floor apartment in Manhattan, with a father who had just joined them after not having been allowed to escape through Poland with his pregnant wife nine years earlier. She sits in her father’s lap and watches with wide, quiet eyes as her mother’s deft hands fly across fabric with bright blue silk thread (echoing hands from over a century years earlier). Thread that her mother had salvaged from white embroidery scraps at the tailor’s shop where she worked and spent the last few days carefully dying in the kitchen sink and drying on the roof.

The dress is in the traditional Hungarian fashion and is folded across her mother’s lap: her mother doesn’t had a pattern, but she doesn’t need one to make her daughter’s dress for the fifth grade dance. The dress would end up differing significantly from the pure white, petticoated first communion dresses worn by her daughter’s majority-Catholic classmates, but the young girl would love it all the more for its uniqueness and bright blue thread.

And now, that same young girl (and maybe also the villager from 19th century Ukraine) stands in front of us, trying not to clutch the old fabric too hard as her voice shakes with the emotion of all the love and humanity that is poured into the labor of art. The village girl and the girl in the Bronx were very different people: different centuries, different religions, different ages, and different continents. But the love in the stitches and beads on their dresses was the same. And she tells us that when we look at the labor of art, we don’t just see the work to create that piece - we see the labor of our own creations and the creations of others for us, and the value in something so seemingly frivolous.

But, maybe more importantly, she says that we only admire this piece in a museum because it happened to survive the love of the wearer and those who owned it afterwards, but there have been quite literally billions of small, quiet works of art in billions of small, quiet homes all over the world, for millennia. That your grandmother’s quilt is used as a picnic blanket just as Van Gogh’s works hung in his poor friends’ hallways. That your father’s hand-painted model plane sets are displayed in your parents’ livingroom as Grecian vases are displayed in museums. That your older sister’s engineering drawings in a steady, fine-lined hand are akin to Da Vinci’s scribbles of flying machines.

I don’t think there’s any dramatic conclusions to be drawn from these thoughts - they’ve been echoed by thousands of other people across the centuries. However, if you ever feel bad for spending all of your time sewing, knitting, drawing, building lego sets, or whatever else - especially if you feel like you have to somehow monetize or show off your work online to justify your labor - please know that there’s an 84yo museum docent in the Bronx who would cry simply at the thought of you spending so much effort to quietly create something that’s beautiful to you.

[seelestia]

✧ i'll show you (if you'll let me).

⎯ there is a certain touch of beauty to witnessing a side of theirs revealed to you so naturally. it becomes as easy as breathing if you just let it happen... so, will you? ( or in other words, a way you enable them to be themselves. )

#STARRING. aventurine, dr. ratio, sunday, dan heng ft. gn!reader. { 4.2k words }

#TAGS. fluff, established relationship. more: minor spoilers for aven's backstory (described mostly abstractly), ratio is referred to by his first name, i called sunday a nerd (sorry), dr. ratio & dan heng are certified workaholics.

#P/S. i think i may have yapped a little considering the word count but i hope it ends up being a good kind of yapping. tysm for reading! ♡

© seelestia on tumblr, may 2024. please do not repost, plagiarize, translate, use for AI-related purposes or claim as your own.

★ 〜 masterlist.

will you let aventurine hold you close when he sleeps? . . . whether it's an arm slung over your hips or his nose buried in your shoulder or fingers tracing shapes onto your skin. he doesn't ask for too much; only that you grant him the permission to cradle you in his arms, somewhere within his reach. it's a habit, he hopes you don't mind.

you have to wonder, though. considering the plenitude of pillows on the bed, why do his hands still seek you out? with all the credits he spent on those cotton-stuffed angels, you thought aventurine would relish them a bit more. but ah-ah, see? that is where you're wrong. sure, the pillows are extremely comfy but he always has a preference for things with much, much more value.

and the truth — well, his truth — is that even the softest cushions from oti mall couldn't compare to the privilege of laying his head on your chest, he'd say. especially when you brush his hair with your fingers - oh, one of the easiest ways to paradise. truly, the best value there is! can you blame a man for being honest and a little lovesick?

(“sappy,” you accuse. he pouts, offended.)

but aventurine has a flair for theatrics, you know that. his witty quips are as feather-light in weight as light-hearted they are in intent. but his touch - in the forms of kind caresses or rhythmic taps to a tune from his forgotten culture - lingers on your skin, with a yearning so heavy. you question whether it could be nostalgia or instead, silent awe at a reality he never imagined could ever be his.

(kakavasha remembers. clinging onto you for warmth like he once did to his sister, falling asleep with her prayers to mama fenge in his ears. the avgins believed gaiathra triclops to be the symbol of humility; so naturally, their prayers to her should also be humble, not too quiet but not too loud. all in moderation. for a frail child like him, those gentle prayers alone were enough to let him drift into a dreamless slumber and to ignore the shackles of reality if not for the briefest moments.

time passed. came a time where the melody he associated with slumber was no longer a soft voice lulling him but pure static, a noise to distract his mind from the chains around his wrists. they burned themselves onto his skin, searing, but he was already too familiar with the sensation to care. the mark on his neck was unwelcome, laughing at him, but he too laughed at his own pitiful reflection so what's the difference, anyway?

time passed again, the call of slumber then turned into clattering noises of chips doused in gold and dice thrown onto a surface. he thought it'd stay that way forever but before long, it morphed into up-and-down waves he couldn't decipher initially. they're gentle, faint like a human's breathing: your breathing as you allowed him to lie beside you for the first time, he realized back then. although he deems himself unworthy, an ugly grime on your pristine existence that still insists on cradling him — but despite it all, he finds this last melody to be his favorite so far.)

✧ a moment among the stars:

ticklish.

the sensation, minor yet still impactful enough, causes you to stir out of sleep. the light of noon greets your eyes and you become vaguely cognizant that the root of it all is the tufts of blond hair brushing against your neck.

there is a solid weight on your torso and a pair of slender arms loosely wrapped around your waist - but they're nothing you haven't grown used to. you comb your fingers through the messy locks licking at your skin, instinctively, and the fragrant scent of what you register as penacony's limited edition perfume kisses your nose.

“...ugh, what system time is it?” you let out a grunt, shifting around slightly to let your limbs breathe. you don't get an answer to your question, instead, aventurine's arms reestablish their hold on you. hooking you closer to him as if to wring out whatever proximity is left, if there is even any. his simple proclamation of “who cares?”, in a sense.

there it is again, that ticklish feeling. you feel soft lips grazing feather-like kisses against your collarbone. oh, he definitely isn't letting go just yet. truly merciless, a dozy morning thought accompanied by your tired sigh. the noise still comes out fond, however, so your feigned act of annoyance is fooling no one.

“it's warm, you know,” you grumble. but the yawn escaping your mouth right after betrays whatever stern image you're trying to adopt. not like you can ever be too stern with him. aventurine knows this, yes, and he gives you an A+ for effort each time.

“mhm,” he finally speaks, snuggling into your chest with no care about anything in the world, “g'morning to you too, lovely.”

his favorite mornings aren't his favorite if not thanks to your innocuous complaints and delightful attempts at pushing his pretty face away, no? a lazy grin graces the stoneheart's lips and eyes like exquisite gems, although sleepy, flutter open to gaze at you languidly. he takes the sight of you in then lets out a sigh - a fond noise just like yours earlier; the both of you really are two peas of a pod.

you must look a terrible mess right now and yet, the sight of you has aventurine smiling dazedly. “ah, what a spectacular sight. i really am the luckiest man in the galaxy,” he hums in approval. you want to roll your eyes but stops as he leans up to pepper (ah, one necessary correction: smother) kisses all over your face, arms dragging you closer to his chest like a cage. your eyes widen comically. what a nefarious trap, he has the advantage!

every remnant of sleepiness clinging to your mind evaporates. you squeal with laughter, shoving at his shoulder using the strength of a baby deer because no, you don't really want him to stop. he knows that too, of course.

“mwah, mwah, mwah—”

“pfft...! kakavasha, i can't breathe!”

(he has half a mind to pinch his skin, as if to remind himself that this is real. he can feel your giggles tickling his skin as if to tell him in return: yes, you are.)

will you let veritas pour his heart out after a long day? . . . well, that could count as too much of an overstatement. others say, “that man is like a brick wall!” some more dare to whisper, “doesn't his temper already exhaust whatever emotional quota he has?!” needless to say, everyone knows that dr. ratio is a man ruled by the mind, not by the heart. alright, that's quite true - but does that imply he has discarded the latter altogether? if so, then you beg to differ.

(not in the literal sense, of course! the heart is a vital organ of the body. saying otherwise would be akin to spitting on his shiny phd in biology... or his seven other phd's at that.)

the pedestal which the public places veritas ratio on reaches still great heights, even if it may not rival an ivory tower a member of the genius society resides in. it is so high up that mundane troubles of those below can't reach a genius like him, surely? well, as tall as he stands - somehow, the universe grants you a front row seat for a particular sight that proves otherwise.

if only they knew the doctor has a habit of mumbling these incomprehensible (more like barely intelligible) grumbles under his breath, striking a resemblance similar to a grumpy old cat. if you strain your ears hard enough, you might catch a “...this has to be it...” or “...i dare not think so...” from time to time as he roams around the room with materials in his hands.

(absurd, people would say. but you think it's extremely cute.)

veritas doesn't say it out loud - but you can tell by the hunch in his stiff shoulders, by the one or two sighs he huffs every six minutes - that he is itching to tell somebody of all the tomfooleries he has encountered today. of course, the topics he laments about vary; it's only when you hear him exhaling the loudest sigh that you get to find out.

mostly though, it's about his students and remarks on how they can further improve their performance — sure, he could phrase it a little gentler — but you still find it sweet that he cares. if not that, then it'd be about indolent colleagues, complicated formulae and more. on some days, he'll even let out an exasperated “truly mind-boggling! could you believe that?” to which you'd reply with an “uh-huh, go on.”

at the end of a ranting session, veritas takes careful note to leave a kiss on your person afterward. no matter where it is - on the lips, the cheek or your hand. no matter where you are - sitting on the couch beside him, behind the kitchen counter or across the room. the warmth that stays on your skin when he pulls away is somewhat tingly. appreciative, you think, especially when he looks at you with such loving eyes that his colleagues would be sure to retch in shock if they were a witness.

looks like you are right on the money; he has never discarded his heart, after all. so yes, to rephrase - will you lend veritas a listening ear when he needs it?

✧ a moment among the stars:

“...yet another headache.”

as unsubtle as ever, the doctor's complaint is barely hidden behind the guise of a mumble. those neatly styled violet bangs of his aren't doing an excellent job at concealing that frown strewn across his forehead either. veritas's posture is tense, a dead giveaway, as he goes over the piles of documents on his desk.

you cock an eyebrow upon seeing the stamp belonging to the intelligentsia guild on one of the papers. definitely work. it has been two system hours since he took a seat at the work desk, you concur, or lifted a finger to do something besides flipping through drafts. a mere glance at the stack of documents is enough to convince you that those researchers at the guild must really value veritas's input.

a perk of being a genius, maybe? the phantom of a weight lands alight on your shoulders. with a mug of black coffee in hand, you make your way to him. your footsteps are without a sound, only the noise of porcelain being placed down onto woodenware is enough to announce your arrival. “rough day at work?” you ask, peering down at his progress.

(a doctor's handwriting really is something. you resist the urge to squint.)

veritas doesn't seem to mind. if the way he smiles at the sight of you, albeit tiredly, is any indication. “hah,” he rests a hand on his temple and scoffs wryly, “so much grievances like you wouldn't believe.”

oh, he is teetering on the precipice of a tangent but stops himself. “...fret not, i'm fine. this is hardly something beyond my expertise,” he shakes his head, the motion causing his reading glasses to slide down a smidgen down the bridge of his nose.

you're too familiar with the self-assured bravado he puts on. you're quite endeared, actually. “okay, mr. i-require-no-rest,” you take the glasses off his face and he breaks into a frown. at the childish tone you're using or for having his reading glasses taken away, you don't know.

“why don't you take a little break?” you suggest. veritas sighs, “need i remind you that dilly-dallying is for fools who wish to waste their time?” and crosses his arms defiantly. he knows your strategy, he has come face-to-face with it several times.

“do you think a break with me is a waste of time?” you present him with a rhetorical question, quite the difficult adversary.

(and he keeps losing to it every single time.)

“well, that's—” the doctor nearly splutters, taken aback. “that's different if you insist on inserting yourself as a variable,” he infers, putting emphasis on the last part accompanied by an incredulous look.

“the answer is up for debate then,” you shrug with a cheeky smile. your hand then deftly lifts the mug you previously set down to your lips, veritas's eyes dilate in bewilderment. “so,” you hum at the rich taste of your handiwork, “wanna tell me about your day? haven't heard about the council in a while.”

“you—” he gasps in defeat, “i thought that was supposed to be my mug of coffee.”

(he has a slight pout on his face, but you dare not point it out lest it disappears in the blink of an eye.)

“our mug of coffee,” you take a few more sips with an innocent decadence. “all is fair in love and war, doctor.”

“i can never win with you,” he buries his face in his palm with a groan. you laugh heartily, a sound that chimes like quaint little bells in his ears - it elicits a reaction from his lips, for them to quirk up at the corners in the smallest of ways.

“regardless. . .” veritas relents and reaches for your free hand. you let him. “it seems a break wouldn't be so amiss, after all,” he then presses a kiss on the side of your wrist, affectionate.

(your heart skips a beat.)

will you let sunday regale you with facts you've never heard of before? . . . a man of eloquent words, no less a man of educated mind. you have no doubt that the books in the dewlight pavilion really aren't just there for show - not that you're allowed to browse through them at your own desire. a servant's voice would stop you in your tracks should your fingers ever brush against something in the family's secret bookshelf.

how mysterious.

but sunday makes it known to the staff that you, in particular, are allowed more access to the shelves - perhaps, not too much - but more than even mr. mccoy, at least. with the way you have to crane your neck far up to pinpoint the tallest height that the shelves reach, you wonder: has sunday gone through everything here personally?

your immediate answer is most likely. you know sunday fairly well; to have something that he hasn't scrutinized from the inside out in his possession will surely gnaw away at his psyche incessantly. not being in the know at all times is a looming fear for him. but of course, you have other ways to confirm the answer for yourself.

pick out a book from a shelf there, either intentional or purely arbitrary, and watch as sunday carefully traces his steps towards you. his curiosity is piqued, which topic has caught your interest this time? but he tucks it under proper cordiality. with a hand behind his back, he'd utter your name in the softest tone and ask the familiar question of “would you like to know more?” — asking for your permission to ramble, essentially — you find this tendency of his to be charming, so you nod each time.

(and he smiles when you do. a smile less refined at the edges, kinder and relaxed.)

the best place to start from is always the beginning. you think sunday agrees because he often starts by telling you the history and its origins before moving on to its impact on the galaxy, then his personal stance on the topic. it's a pattern, you notice, his ramblings have a pattern. and it's consistent every time, you might've believed he was reading off a script. and what's more? sunday is blissfully oblivious of it.

fascinating. you ponder: what kind of things you can do with this information? decisions, decisions, decisions. . . but ultimately, you opt for keeping it a secret like a treasure only you're allowed to see.

(that might be true in a way. you don't doubt that robin, his dear sister, is familiar with this side of him. does that mean he treasures you like he does her? your chest starts to feel a bit lighter.)

if you were to point it out, you fear you might never witness it again - goodness, to know that he has been displaying such foolishness or rather, what he viewed as an embarrassing freudian slip in front of you? his wings might as well resort to covering his face for good until the end of time.

as you listen to him talk (with such elegance at that), you can't help whatever tender look you have on your face. really, who would've thought the head of the oak family could be such. . . a nerd?

(you hope in secret that sunday will be more willing to show sides like these to you in the future. and that they're not a weakness at all, not when they're shared with you.)

✧ a moment among the stars:

“it looks like you're fascinated by the dreamscape nursery rhyme this time.”

sunday spares the article in your hold no further inspection. one glance at the cover and walls of memorized information rush to the front of his mind. he looks familiar with it; could it be a part of his childhood too? but then again, everything found here is within his knowledge.

“i am,” you say with intrigue, “it got me ruminating for a while.”

you meet his gaze, stumbling upon yellow irises that glimmer akin to gold under penaconian chandeliers. you think you see a hint of affection in them, swimming around your reflection like a school of fish in a pond. it makes you smile.

he smiles back, oblivious to your thoughts but returns your gesture. he asks, “how so?” and you reply without delay, “i read through it and the morbid undertone took me by surpri—”

or at least, it's supposed to be without delay until you realize sunday has stepped closer in order to peer down at the page you're holding open. and suddenly, you're extremely aware of every minute detail like how his breath brushes against the side of your cheek and how his chest rumbles as he hums in acknowledgement.

(you flush in the neck and he perceives this reaction of yours with mirth.)

“my apologies,” sunday chuckles and pulls away, “i've simply forgotten the rhyme and wished to refresh my memory.”

“somehow, i feel that isn't the case...” you mumble accusingly. that seems to amplify whatever little amusement he gets from flustering you. “oh, my dove. i can assure you that it is,” he caresses your head, a little placatingly.

most times, sunday isn't so laidback about giving affection in public — since he has an image to maintain — so you assume the fact that the servants are out and about, leaving only you and him here, plays a role in his unusual boldness. you accept the gesture with a bashful pout.

“now, where were we?” sunday clears his throat, “ah, yes. some people have noted on the nursery rhyme's strange quality but still, it retains its popularity in penacony. it is also widely assumed that the hound resembles the bloodhound family while—”

you hold back an amused sigh, but it's more out of fondness than anything. he'll start from the history then the effect on the general public, as per usual, but you're not the only predictable one here. you'd listen to him anytime too, won't you?

(you do adore when the head of the oak family would put off his public figure mask around you. if only for just a while.)

will you let dan heng rest his head on your lap when it's just you two? . . . the sense of comfort it provides isn't something he can explain with words. as if he has ever been good with words in the first place. saying a sentence bereft of logical reasoning or witty remarks doesn't come easily to the express’ guard. neither does intimacy. . . but you know that already, don't you?

after all, it isn't a secret that dan heng prefers speaking with his actions. if to show one's intentions is the end goal, then actions are the fastest route to choose. words, although able to sweeten the trip like how a beautiful scenery can, will eventually lead to actions regardless so why take the extra step?

but you're different from him; you articulate what you think and what you mean. you're honest in ways that keep catching dan heng off guard without fail — just like the first time you offered your empty lap to him when his head was swirling in pain — but he supposes that is one of your charms. “words can be useful. we're not all born mind readers,” you told him once and he hummed, accepting of your perspective.

(“look at you two! opposites attract!” march chirped. he recalled shooting her a look of indignation and she rubbed the back of her head sheepishly in response.)

dan heng has learnt to grow used to your propensities - but by far, your shameless invitations are still one matter that can't be comprehended even with time. he cannot understand; how you smile as you sit on his futon in the archives (he doesn't mind), how you link gazes with him so effortlessly, how you pat your lap knowingly and say, “why don't you rest your head here?”

(he has to restrain himself from bursting into flames like a heliobus.)

sometimes, he'll accept reluctantly or he'll decline with an underlying tone of longing he doesn't want you to notice. because as much of a good hold dan heng has on nonchalance, he cannot deny that this particular gesture of yours has left a mark on him.

(it remains persistently.)

when he rests his head on your lap, he can't help but take a deep inhale - your fragrance fills his senses and he discards the selfish desire to keep it all to himself. your fingers are soothing as they thread through his hair gently. the feeling that washes over him is serene, almost comparable to submerging himself in the pure waters of scalegorge waterscape.

when overcome by such a tranquil state of mind, dan heng wonders what expression he might be making at that moment? he always keeps his eyes closed, so it's a shame he may never know. but you do, and you don't think you've ever seen him look so at peace before like he does now.

(perhaps, that's why you keep offering him this in the first place.)

✧ a moment among the stars:

“someone looks tired,” you state with a pointed stare. the archives isn't a room too spacious and the only ones here are you and him. the target of your sentence is obvious.

but dan heng doesn't take the bait, barely looks away from the entry he is currently authoring. still, he spares you a glance and hums glibly, “are you projecting? if so, feel free to use my bed in the meantime.”

you let out a noise, something gibberish that conveys disappointment but it is effectively drowned out by the typing noises. “you haven't even touched the food i bought you,” your voice becomes mellow, “why don't you rest for a while?”

he isn't convinced, you think, since his fingers are still hard at work. the new info the team brought back must've been a lot if he's that focused.

“dan heng?” you try again, hopeful for the last time. you don't take him for a fool, of course, he'll know when he reaches his limit and have proper rest then. but would that really be ideal? a second passes and that hope flickers like a dimming light. but just an inch before the edge of giving up, the typing slows to a stop.

“. . .alright,” he murmurs. finally, after a good hour spent drawing patterns on his backside with your eyes, dan heng turns around to face you. he look tense, you note with abject concern.

“here,” you usher him to your lap, empty and conveniently so. dan heng shoots you a blank look - this isn't the first time you offered and this isn't the first time he reacted like that. you try to suppress a laugh, failing gloriously at it. “just for a little bit,” you utter through a stifled fit of chuckles.

dan heng shakes his head, not in rejection but in defeat. his eyes slip close, second nature, as he leans to situate his head on your lap. you welcome him with a hum and let your fingers card through his hair. a calm sigh falls from his lips like a water droplet in springtime.

“this. . . is nice,” he admits, sudden and unprompted. you nearly doubt your ears for a moment there. did he— “i don't hate it is, uhm, what i mean to say,” dan heng adds and it dawns on you that your ears are still working. his eyes are still closed, not that you'd expect anything else, he prefers to treat it as a shield from being face-to-face with embarrassment.

(or to avoid your ecstatic gaze. he can feel warmth rushing to his cheeks already.)

“i know,” you smile, brushing away a few messy strands from his forehead. he isn't an open book but you think you've read the pages enough to remember all the little details. “but thanks for telling me. i'm no mind reader but i think i can read yours pretty well.”

“i shall provide no further comment,” he holds back an incredulous exhale, yet his lips still curl slightly at the corner. you feel the teeniest desire to trace the curve of his lips with your fingertip but settle for silently admiring them instead.

“it's fine. i know the answer already,” you say, words dripping with affection. such a shame dan heng never looks up at you during a time like this. because if he did, he wouldn't have missed seeing the sheer fondness in your gaze that rains down on him in light showers. a true shame.

(one day, he'll gather the courage. maybe.)

— thank you for reading! reblogs with comments are most appreciated. ♡

[astonmartinii]

other side of the moon - chapter one | formula one imagine

pairing: fem retired formula one driver reader x ??? fem retired formula one driver reader x platonic!kimi antonelli

chapter one: an offer you can refuse

years of solitude has led y/n y/ln down a dark path following her career-ending injury in 2022 but one rookie seems dead set on bringing her back into the fray

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

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“have you seen this?”

it’s too early in the day to be subjected to twitter in y/n’s opinion, but her manager - the one she’s always insisted in not needing - insists upon it. sara’s hand shakes as she hands over her phone, the video already playing loudly.

the video is a poorly clipped together compilation of kimi antonelli, for no better word, gushing about her. it’s earnest and even cute, but not cute enough. the formula one paddock was a vulture pit, one y/n had only escaped three years earlier with her life - barely.

“it’s cool. that’s all it is though,” y/n moves towards the door, picking up her coat and refusing to turn back towards sara, “i’ve told you since jenson insisted i hire you, there’s no way in hell i will ever go back to that paddock. and that’s the end of it, please. i’ll do any stupid vitamin ad or female empowerment talk if it makes you happy, but i can’t go back there.”

y/n grabbed her keys and left the apartment, leaving sara in her wake. sara reached into her pocket and pulled out a tattered letter with ‘y/n’ scrawled on the front in awful handwriting. she left it on the kitchen island and left, understanding this was likely to be her last time in this apartment - there's stupid and there's what she was doing right now, there was no way she would still be employed in the morning.

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girlsonthegrid

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri and 103,478 others

tagged: yourusername

girlsonthegrid: today we look back at the biggest what if for women in formula one - y/n y/ln. the 26-year-old drove for mclaren from 2020 to 2022 before she sustained a career-ending injury at silverstone. y/ln was the first ever female f1 race winner with her emphatic victory at monza in 2021 and the first ever female formula 2 champion with her win in 2019. her career lasted just 30 races and she hasn't been seen in the paddock or around any drivers since the crash. there have been reports that she has been approached about a mentor role but considering how fast her management rejected and shut down sky sports about a commentary role, this is also unlikely. what would you like to see from her if she ever comes out of hiding?

view all comments

user1: i mourn for her everyday

user2: the way she paved the way for so many but can't stand to be in the paddock to see what she did for the sport

user3: i really don't blame her

user4: doriane is the mercedes reserve and abbi is alpine's! her work is there even if she isn't and i know i'll always be grateful for that

user5: she's so overrated, if she didn't crash she still would've been out of formula 1 by now

user6: me when i'm the most wrong ever

user7: i can't believe there are still men to this day that think she wasn't great? literal world champions like max, lewis, fernando, seb and jenson have all said that she could've won a championship

user8: i mean no shade to lando but i think y/n would've made it 100x harder for max this season in that mclaren

user9: the way jenson tried to say that in the nicest way possible in las vegas lol

user10: and max agreed with him LOL

user11: the way it wasn't even proper lando shade or oscar shade like twitter painted it to be but like max just praising his bestie

user12: he does not play about her as he should

user13: i mean he's the only one we know y/n still actually talks to

user14: i can't wait for the tell-all biography that exposes half the grid because like how much have you must have fucked up for her to never speak to you again

user15: when twitter likes were public she was caught liking a bunch of tweets bout mick when he got his first points so like she doesn't even have hard feelings to the guy who put her in the barrier sooo

user16: it was proven it was break failure???? mick did nothing wrong that's why she still likes things praising him

user17: that crash really robbed us of the best ever f1 relationship with y/n and lando

user18: you know that's part of the reason that she doesn't speak to lando right?

user19: because she wished it was him not her?

user20: NO! because she hated that whole 'ship'

user21: and lando leaned into it way too much

user22: it made me a bit uncomfortable and i'm not even y/n

user23: AND she said on the beyond the grid podcast that she thought those rumours were really reductive and relegated her to just a love interest of her teammate rather than a race winner

user24: kimi antonelli please bring her back to us

user25: praying she'll listen to the literal child

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texts between y/n y/ln (bold) and max verstappen (italics)

did u give them my fucking address

my lawyer says to always deny everything?

i also actually have no idea what you are talking about…

i just got home and there’s a fucking letter from KIMI ANTONELLI on my kitchen counter

it’s creepy and a mad invasion of privacy

i did NOT give them your address?

i gave them sara’s contact details so they wouldn’t be able to directly get to you and i honestly thought she would be too scared to ask you

she showed me all the clips of him praising me.

it didn’t work.

it’s been three years y/n…

and it still hasn’t been long enough.

all i’m saying is read the letter, as creepy as it might be, he is just an 18 year old entering the lion’s den you could at least reply to him even if you don’t take up the offer

although i read they were going to pay you £10 million a year??? was that real?

unfortunately it is very real.

i didn’t think i was still worth that much

you are worth that and more, just give him a chance. we’ve both met him, he’s a sweet kid.

for now.

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it was cold in her apartment, y/n hadn’t shut the window from when she opened them that morning. in fact she hadn’t moved from the kitchen since she set eyes on the letter. it was bold she’d give him that.

the letter was crumpled as if it had gone through hell to get to her (it probably had) and the handwriting was a serious reminder of just how young kimi is. y/n had wondered if her maternal instincts would ever kick in like all the older women in her life insisted it would. sure she had felt intense feelings of love for her childhood cats and had cared her formula one cars (regina and heather, they were named after mean girls, because that is who they had to be on track) like they were children. but that true maternal feeling had never come to her, until now.

all y/n could think about was kimi. how young he was, how much he was set to lose. not everyone was her, the worst thing wasn’t going to happen to everyone - it just always seemed to happen to her.

her loud phone alarm jolted her out of her daydream, reminding her to take her painkillers. as she poured herself a glass of water, y/n slammed down the glass and ripped open the letter.

dear miss y/n y/ln my name is andrea kimi antonelli and i am going to be driving for mercedes amg f1 team in 2025. we met very briefly after i won all three races at mugello and lifted the italian f4 championship trophy. i know you were there on mclaren PR but for me it changed my life. you have always been my biggest inspiration alongside michael schumacher (i am italian, you must understand). it was always my dream to race alongside you and maybe even be teammates, i’d even betray toto and leave mercedes to make that happen (please don’t tell him i told you that). i know that can never happen now, but it could happen in another way? i know like me you grew up seeing niki lauda supporting and mentoring the mercedes drivers and i was wondering if you would be my mentor - who cares about george anyway. i know you’ve never come back to the paddock and are unlikely to do so for little old me. but if you could just think about it that would be great, if you don’t ask, you’ll never get! i hope this letter wasn’t horribly offensive, i mean it when i say you’re my favourite!!! love, kimi (p.s. i was at monza 2021, so you could even consider me a good luck charm) (p.p.s you won monza 2021 completely on merit but i was there) (p.p.p.s please don’t think i’m an idiot) (p.p.p.p.s i also loved interlagos 2020 that’s a super underrated drive)

with tears in her eyes, y/n placed the letter back on the counter, grabbed the glass of water and made her way to her bedroom. painkillers taken with a wince, she still hadn’t gotten used to the size of the pills even three years into taking them, y/n shuffled under the duvet.

the offer was there and it seemed sincere. her accountant would tell her that the money was worth the mental turmoil, even if she just did it for one season and returned to her little cave in west london.

there was no doubt she felt something for kimi - a kinship, a frienship or a maternal yearning - but was it worth ripping off all the bandages and opening herself back up to all the scrutiny again?

she would sleep on it.

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yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, georgerussell63 and 10,567,388 others

yourusername: much to think about these days. like how the fuck this app works now?

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user1: first post in three years and it’s THIS?

user2: i am not complaining

user3: i am savouring every little piece in case she goes missing for another three years

mclarenf1: the queen has returned

user4: no thanks to you

user5: how about we keep my wife’s name out of your fucking mouth

user6: socials admin i know it is not you specifically but i really don’t know how you can post up here like you’re completely absolved of your involvement in this. your car had break failure that broke her fucking back - it is a miracle she is even still walking! and you still don’t accept any responsibility for it

user7: i love y/n but like how is it mclaren’s fault? break failure happens all the time?

user8: well it’s in one part the fact that they were using her as a test dummy because it was a new faulty part that mclaren was experimenting with that was on her car and NOT lando’s and the fact that to this day when they feel like it they’ll heap guilt onto mick schumacher

user9: without being disrespectful there were two formula one careers that were ended that day because mclaren have kept to the narrative that it was mick that put her into the barriers eventhough siedel admitted when he left mclaren that it was a faulty break part that caused it.

user10: clock it

user11: yes clock it but maybe on a different post because it’s y/n’s return to the internet and all yall can talk about is the most traumatic event in her life?

kimiantonelli: i also love clairo

user12: what is bro doing?

user13: be quiet he’s our best hope of y/n coming back to the paddock let him cook

user14: name three songs local

kimiantonelli: bags (live), alewife and blouse

user15: this motherfucker might just do it

maxverstappen1: i miss brando :/

yourusername: you know my address

yourusername: use it since you like to give it out so much

maxverstappen1: I DID NOT GIVE THEM YOUR ADDRESS

user16: y/lnstappen friendship is BACK

user17: it was never gone?

user18: but now we get to see it :P

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when she woke the next morning, y/n knew she had to read the letter again before jumping into anything. in her sleep she was plagued with memories of the past, but not the usual ones that haunted her in the dark. there were no flames, no hospitals, no career-ending injuries. no, this time she was transported back to 2020 and her first few races of her formula one career.

march 2020.

the paddock was much bigger in formula one than it had been in formula two with hundreds more people running around, barging through crowds, hitting y/n on the way through and not even stopping to apologise. she had thought briefly that she would be making more noise as the first female racer to take part in a race since forever - y/n even thought that she’d made a bit of a splash during preseason testing, nestled between her teammate lando and alex in the red bull in fifth.

but she was invisible. even with the garish orange path to follow to the mclaren garage, y/n struggled to get through the crowds of people brandishing their paddock passes. her trainer had gone ahead to set up her driver room which left y/n to push through and arrive to briefing ten minutes late.

“i’m so sorry, i got lost and by the time i was going in the right direction the paddock had filled up?”

y/n stammered, not quite able to make eye contact with zak brown. the american wasn’t tall in comparison to the general public but he towered over y/n and the disapproving stare didn’t do much to help.

“just make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

zak snipped, waving his hand in y/n’s direction, telling her to take a seat. y/n rushed to the nearest empty seat and looked for her teammate in the room. lando was sat just three seats to her right on a small table. y/n tried to make eye contact with lando but he avoided her gaze like it was burning him, so much for the ‘big brother’ act he had put on at the car launch.

the engineers stood in front of the screen and started their long-winded presentation about the prospects for the season ahead. y/n pulled her note book out and frantically started taking notes, she didn’t know if that was normal for formula one drivers, but knowing as much as possible couldn’t hurt.

y/n copied down the warnings about possible tyre wear in turn three when she heard some soft sniggers, like someone was trying to stifle their laughter. this drew y/n out of her focus on the presentation, looking around the meeting room to locate the perpetrator.

lando caught her eye immediately. he had a light blush across his face and his mouth was covered by his hand. he looked guilty, guiltier than the rest of the room who were listening intently to the engineers. y/n raised her eyebrow in question.

“i’m sorry are we distracting you two?”

zak interrupted the presentation, turning to look at y/n and lando.

“no, sorry sir,” y/n replied turning her chair back to face the screen. “lando?” zak pressed.

“i’m sorry zak but y/n was distracting me with her note-taking,” lando forced out between his boyish giggles. “i’ve never taken notes, i didn’t realise you would be sucking up to the engineers this early on?”

“i’ve always taken notes? is it a problem? i’m sorry if i was distracting you lando.”

“yeah we’ll see how much those notes help you on track, rookie.”

lando spat over the table. it was uncharacteristically mean for the lando she had seen in the mclaren social content and the lando she spoke with at the car launch. y/n felt tears prickle in her eyes but she swallowed them down, she couldn’t cry yet - or at least not in view of all the most important people on the team.

“right. we’ll get back to business then.”

the rest of the meeting went by in a blur for y/n, but despite the outburst from lando, she continued to take her notes, she would be damned if some comments from lando would fuck up her entire race weekend routine. y/n took her time when zak dismissed them from the meeting, not wanting to look unprofessional.

moving towards the door, y/n’s shoulder hit someone else’s. she looked up to make eye contact with lando yet again.

“you better not make a habit of making contact with me, rookie,” lando said, a slight smirk but a harsh look in his eyes.

“are you like okay?”

“why wouldn’t i be?” lando replied pushing past through the door.

“i don’t know, you’re just a little frosty this morning? did i do something?”

“why would i be thinking about you, seriously? this is my team, know your place and we’ll get on just fine”.

with that lando was gone and y/n was left puzzled. i guess PR really does work wonders, y/n thought before making her own way to her drivers room.

her trainer, luca, wasn’t there when she managed to locate the room but all of her gear was already neatly put away like they had discussed. y/n cracked open an electrolyte drink and opened her notebook to study the meeting points.

there was a loud knock at the door and before y/n could even utter a “come in”, the mystery visitor barged into the room. daniel ricciardo announced his arrival with a packet of tim tams thrown at y/n and a quick “howdy” before he started rifling through her stuff and studying her helmet.

“ah, another cool dude who has a cuddly guy on their helmet,” daniel said, picking up her helmet, pointing at the cartoon version of her childhood cat.

“oh that’s schumi, when we travelled for karting we always brought him up until he died of old age, but i still want him with me whenever i race.” y/n said, nervous that the heartfelt explanation would be deemed uncool by one of the coolest racers she had ever seen.

“oh that’s surprisingly cute, i bet schumi was a big hit in the paddock back in the day.”

“he sure was, he’s how i charmed max into not hating me after i took him out once,” y/n chuckled thinking back to the race where max stormed up to her with angry tears in his eyes until y/n practically threw schumi at him. in just five seconds, max had calmed down and schumi was happily purring in the young dutchman’s lap.

“that sounds like max. but speaking of the other young whippersnappers in the paddock, how is our lando treating you? i bet zak and that can’t keep up with you two…” daniel asked, slumping to the floor, taking one of her drinks from the mini fridge.

“oh. i am getting used to him, we’ll put it that way?”

“he’s not being rude is he?”

“no! well. he insists on calling me rookie and keeps making comments about me crashing into him and made fun of me taking notes in briefing but i’m sure that such the british banter.”

“you’re british?”

“well. um. yeah, you got me there.”

daniel grabbed her hands, forcing y/n to look him in the eyes rather than her very interesting shoes.

“i know lando is like some media darling, but so are you. don’t let him push you around, he may have been in this team a while but you’re just as good as him if not better. you’re here to prove yourself, not to play second fiddle, okay?”

it was the first time someone had actually tried to talk to her properly since getting to the paddock. again, tears climbed to her eyes, but this time she let one creep out. daniel wiped it away.

“we made the mistake of isolating max when he was young and new, we won’t make the same mistake - we can’t have two of you running rampant around here,” y/n let out a wet laugh which daniel returned, “just come to renault if you need anything from me. max will be there for you, you know, and seb, kimi, fernando and all the old men will listen to you. don’t rot in your drivers room or hotel suite and think you’re not wanted here.”

y/n nodded, feeling some butterflies in her stomach. she was actually here - a formula one driver. a seven-time race winner wants her here, world champions want her here. a private-school fuckboy wasn’t going to ruin her first ever race weeekend.

“thank you daniel.”

“i have to dash, but i’m serious, we’re here for you. and i would be honoured to kick that little shit’s ass for you, okay?”

the australian left in just as loud fashion as he came, but in the remaining silence, y/n finally felt some peace. this was her chance, and she wasn’t going to mess it up.

present.

y/n couldn’t let that happen to kimi. the young italian was just so unbelievably earnest in his letter that y/n couldn’t bear the thought of his kindness being taken advantage of. george russell had never been outwardly callous but with his attack on max late last season and his complete radio silence with y/n since her crash made her suspicious.

as she prepared to ask max for kimi’s number, sara (who did actually still have a job) sent her a link.

sara: zak brown believes mclaren has the strongest pairing on the grid with no more childish recklessness like in the early 2020s

sara: do you want us to put out a statement or ignore as usual?

y/n clicked on the link, even though she knew it would just annoy her to the point that her phone might become closely acquainted with the thames.

as the formula one world gears up for the 2025 season, zak brown has already stated his confidence for mclaren this season. the papaya team will be coming into the 2025 season as reigning constructors champions and lando norris and oscar piastri will be aiming to add the world drivers championship to that as well.

when zak brown sat down with us earlier this week, the mclaren ceo did not beat around the bush, stating that mclaren have the strongest pairing on the grid. with red bull promoting liam lawson in a test and, mercedes putting unproven kimi antonelli next to george russell and ferrari gambling with charles leclerc and lewis hamilton, brown might just be right.

in their journey to constructors champions, brown recognised that as a team they had straightened out all of their ‘growing pains’. this is exemplified in oscar piastri completing all laps in the 2024 season.

like they usually do, y/n y/ln’s particularly rabid twitter fans will probably detect some ‘shade’ towards the former driver. brown did touch on the prior mclaren drivers during his reign as ceo, saying that the team had some childish recklessness, but now they have a team that all know their place.

y/n y/ln hasn’t spoken about anything formula one related since her retirement, even forgoing the opportunity to congratulate the team that took the chance on her for winning the championship - something brown did not mince his words on off camera. brown lamented about y/ln’s silence, labelling her a brat and ungrateful for not still thanking him for allowing a woman to compete in formula one.

will mclaren make it back-to-back constructors championships? and will they sweep both championships this season?

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she needed that loud-mouthed american’s head on a silver platter. the letter had almost sucked her back into the world of formula one, only for the man who discarded her like a broken toy when his car had malfunctioned and smashed her and her career into a concrete wall to call her an ungrateful brat.

fuck him. fuck mclaren. and fuck that dumbass reporter for giving him the time of day.

y/n didn’t throw her phone from her balcony but pulled up her texts with max.

texts between y/n y/ln (bold) and max verstappen (italic)

have you read this absolute hogwash

zak brown believes mclaren has the strongest pairing on the grid with no more childish recklessness like in the early 2020s

i 100% get why you wanted to put him in a wall last season

you watched last season?

shut up not the time

did you text me just to call your old tyrannical boss a fraud?

i was going to ask for kimi’s number but now i’m back at square one

noooooooo

i want to be there for him, the way no one was for us.

but this is the bs they write about me when i haven’t been seen or heard from in three years, imagine the shite they come up with when i’m the paddock every weekend

WHEN?

no no no

i’ll give you kimi’s number

contact: kimi antonelli (mercedes)

you decide what you want to do

as much as i would kill to have you around the paddock again… even in the vicinity of george

i want you to do what you are comfortable with

thanks max

i’m not giving you a yes but i’m definitely thinking about it

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fin.

note: omg that's part one??????? i had this idea and have been planning and adding to it for a couple days. no spoilers but there will be multiple love interests, backstabbing and all that lovely stuff - i just love the drama !!! (yes i will finish guilty as sin at some point as well). i hope you enjoy the prose as well - first time writing that way on here lol ?! let me know if you liked it, who you'd like to see her with and what you'd like to see happen!