#also on point 4 - After figuring all this out it happens much more rarely

[blackamite]

Said a while ago I might post on why my sexuality was confusing so here we go. I’ve never known my emotions super well so who knows if I’ll interpret it different in a few years but whatever.

1. Hyperfixations

This one’s kinda simple, but I tend to randomly get obsessed with things (minecraft, gothic cathedrals, cats.... idk) and sometimes it’s a character which everyone always interprets as a crush but is not a crush. 

2. Faces

Ngl I didn’t really used to look at facial features much. They kind of all looked the same and I’d mainly identify people by their hair. One thing that helped a lot with this was recognizing the difference between how men and women looked (partly because I was seeing more gnc people and it’s easier to tell what’s actual features and not just societal apparatus) and that both changed how I saw gender but also who I was attracted to. After I started really seeing people’s facial features first thing, suddenly men were a lot more ugly. I remember seeing a trans man and thinking “huh he’s cute but like in an anime guy way” except now when I see anime guys I see their male features and they don’t look that androgynous anymore. I really didn’t used to see secondary sex characteristics as much unless I really looked hard.

3. Female objectification + uncomfortableness w/ oneself

Ick with the female body, combined with wome sort of madonna whore complex, makes seeing the female body in a sexual way feel pretty gross and make dysphoria worse. Doesn’t affect me now but did before I desisted. Also doesn’t help when the height of ‘attractive women’ is usually portrayed as pornified looking with exaggerated proportions which is often just gross/not attractive regardless.

4. Fictional vs. real

This is sometimes described using the word ‘compulsory heterosexuality’ which is silly because that’s different. There’s nothing compulsory here, it’s just being attracted to men from a distance in a vague ‘he’s hot but only cause he’s on a screen and should also keep his clothse on’ kind of way. I don’t know if this makes any sense. But anyway, not actually having any sexual experience can make it feel like you’re bi even if male genitialia seems absolutely nasty and you want nothing to do with it (especially if you don’t even know what female genitalia looks like :\)

[hantenguclonesimp-minuszoha]

Ears.

(It's true, go check it out yourself, episode 4 11:45.)

Note: just the main four cuz I'm lazy.

If it's one thing you had long figured out, it's that the clones are really bad at hiding their emotions. That fact came as no surprise, surprising as that might be (if that makes sense). They always wonder how you know what they truly feel while they don't even realise they're giving it away so obviously.

Your secret? Their ears.

As they grew more vulnerable with you, your noticed overtime that their ears are quite sensitive. Not their hearing, but literally their ears. Their ears tend to react to things whenever they themselves do and you had figured it out by a little experiment you had conducted.

You had once pretended to be in pain and the clone who was present was Urogi. Immediately, you noticed how his ears stood up in concern while also being very alert of his surroundings as he approached you in worry. You also noticed that his ears immediately drooped when you pretended to be hurt and weak, however, he feigned confidence to try and keep you calm. With Urogi, it's very easy to tell how he feels since he barely ever tries to hide his emotions from you. The rare occasion he does, it would probably be one of two reasons. The first being that Sekido must have irritated him enough to the point to feel a spike of anger, leading him to isolate himself in frustration or go for a fly. The second being, when he has to go on rather risky missions. He tends to hide any faint worry he may have to keep you calm. Though, those moments are nearly non-existent thanks to his overgrown ego.

So, that's how you know when they may enjoy you shows of affection them, secretly or not. You especially use this trick on Sekido. "I told you to stop doing that!" Hugging him out of nowhere usually gets him all flustered and he even blushes! Not that he knows or shows it, kind of. His ears gain a red tint and lower, especially if caught by surprise while he pretends that he hates every second of what's happening. Sekido also tends to show his comfort in your presence, especially when you two are alone. Whether it's on your lap, in your room, at the patio or anywhere else where it's just you two, you will always notice that his ears will lower when he feels at peace.

The worst at hiding his emotions is most certainly Aizetsu. While he is mostly gloomy and rather sassy, he will always fail to hide how he truly feels, be it a problem or something he likes, not to mention that his ears are the most sensitive out of everyone else's. You remember how Karaku and Urogi teased him yesterday for his uncontrolled ears that tend to twitch out of the blue. Too bad for Aizetsu, he had to wait it out and listen to the never ending teases and pokes at his ears from his older and younger counterparts. When alone, Aizetsu's ears are guaranteed always lowered, the lowest of the four actually which shows how much he trusts you. He often asks you to kiss his ears, though since it stops them from twitching and since your lips feel nice. They're ticklish though.

And then there's Karaku. Despite the fact that he also sucks just as much as his clone brethren, he does actually do a decent job at hiding his emotions, mostly because he's relaxed most of the times. He tends to play mind games with you and likes to keep you guessing. You immediately get him to break with very soft kiss and caress to his ears though, that's guaranteed. Surprisingly enough, when it comes to being vulnerable, he's the most stubborn after Zohakuten with the excuse that he doesn't like ruining the mood. "Pretty stupid excuse, darling." He was well-aware that it was, but you keeping that frown upside-down was so worth keeping all of that little bit of stress up. "I don't think it is."

That was all for the goofy little ear HCs I had for these idioti.

[lynnthefrenchtoast]

why lyney x aether just makes sense

no traveller ship has ever rlly worked to me (other than ayaka bc it was very heavily hinted in canon) UNTIL TODAY. HERE IS MY FORMAL DISSERTATION ON WHY LYNETHER WORKS

neither of them have pairs - genshin purposefully does this thing where they pair up characters (eg: chongyun & xingqiu, jean & lisa) which is why there are so many popular ships in the fandom. i think lyney's effective pair is meant to be lynette & aether doesnt have one bc hes meant to be a player-insert but that leaves SO MUCH ROOM bc when you think about it the closest thing lyney has to a love interest IS AETHER

siblings - both of them are elder brothers and both are TWINS . they also both have a youngest sibling figure (freminet and paimon; dont tell me paimon isnt a younger sister figure bc if u open a modern au ALMOST ALWAYS she is presented as "aether and lumines younger sister") their backstories are similar (losing their other half) so they canonically understand each other (There's nothing in the world I treasure more than my family, so I know what it must be like for you -Lyney, Friendship LV4) THIS LEADS INTO MY OTHER POINT

the "i see past your mask" trope - this is a very popular trope (and one that ngl kills me everytime i read it bc it preys on the human desire to be fully understood) BUT it was made for lyney . if youve watched ouran highschool host club HIKARU AND KAORUS "we are the only two who understand each other... until haruhi arrived" IS NOT DISSIMILAR TO WHAT COULD HAPPEN WITH LYNEY, LYNETTE AND AETHER . and lyney was BORN to fit this trope bc he already has the whole fake, charming, extrovert persona he puts on. ("Actually, the real me is nowhere near as outgoing or chatty as I appear. (...) I think people would feel sorry for the real me." -Lyney, friendship LV6)

narrative - a big thing about ships is they need to have a faucet for tension . like xingyun is extremely hinted in canon but its nowhere near as popular as kavetham and zhongchi. why? because theyre just childhood best friends. nothing interesting about it. zhongchi especially is hugely popular bc of the potential for reconciliation after the osial arc (zhongli's "im sorry for manipulating you. it wasnt all fake i swear" sorta thing) AND YK WHAT ELSE HAS THAT??? FURINA REVEALING LYNEY AS FATUI IN THE TRIAL "im sorry for lying about my identity. it wasnt all fake" the core that makes ships like satosugu and zhongchi tragic is the betrayal of trust, and, well... ("Nothing could make me happier than having your trust." -Lyney, Ascension 4)

binary opposition - why is satosugu so popular? probably because its the whole 'cruel murderer villain' vs 'strongest hero' trope and audienced like sun vs moon . okay . AETHER IS LITERALLY THE HONORARY KNIGHT OF MONDSTADT, HERO OF LIYUE, ENEMY OF ETERNITY, FIRST SAGE OF BUER and lyney is THE FUTURE SUCCESSOR TO THE HOUSE OF HEARTH . the villain of genshin impact (currently) is the fatui so you cant get better than this.

canon hints - even if ships would theoretically work well and have potential for tension, they need to be grounded in the source material. so does lynether have that?

"Hmm, your eyes are like topaz, precious, pure, and lovely. I like them! I've decided — I'm going to put on a show just for you."

"I thought it was the radiance of the sunlight on my skin that I felt — turns out it was your radiance all along!"

"I should probably emphasize again that I'm rarely so open with anyone — I guess it's because you're not just anyone."

"It seems we're both keenly interested in each other. Well, know that the honor is mine! Haha, relax. I couldn't ever tell lies to your mesmerizing eyes — not even if I tried!"

"Doing all this for me... Are you trying to steal this magician's heart, by any chance? Well, in that case, congratulations, my dear apprentice — or should I say, "companion." For you have succeeded!"

canonically, lyney gets upset when aether thinks abt other things when hes in fromt of him. HES LIKE A POUTING CHILD THAT GOES "pay attention to me!!!" LMFAOO

the rainbow rose, need i say more? lyney literally gets flustered when lynette brings it up too pfft

most of the stuff he says can be attributed to lyney just being a flirt but in cases like the rainbow rose scene where he literally does it BECAUSE HE KNOWS AETHER WOULDNT GET IT... there is no platonic explanation bc if there was, if it meant Friendly Love THEN THE DEVELOPERS WOULDNT HAVE ADDED THE NOTE ABOUT LYNETTE NEVER GETTING ONE considering shes the most important person to lyney...

in conclusion, ive rambled for too freaking long but THEY WORK . AND THERES ALSO POTENTIAL FOR A WHOLE LONG DISTANCE YEARNING ARC BC AETHER ALWAYS TRAVELS SO... FANFIC WRITERS CHOP CHOP

[kiragecko]

Names Used: Cass Summary

(See the other posts HERE.)

(See these charts, and others, in a screen-readable format HERE.)

In many ways, Cass’ use of names is very simple. You get a codename or a civilian name.

The complexity comes from the fact that, usually, you don’t get a name at all.

Cass ONLY uses names when there might be ambiguity. While these tendencies lessen as she gets more comfortable with speech, she remains much less likely than others to use names all through the comics.

If she's talking directly to a person, she might use their name to get their attention, but is much more likely to just ask a question or make a statement, assuming they’ll be able to tell she’s addressing them.

She will refer to a third person by name, if needed, but is still more likely to point to something related or just stare at the person she's speaking to until they figure it out.

Fascinatingly, she does not usually even THINK of people by name unless she's recalling information from the Bats' databases. So if she sees a crime on the street, she is very unlikely to think about any of the people involved by name, even if they say them. She'll use pronouns, and if there's too many people for pronouns, she usually stops referring to them at all - she's much less likely to have an internal dialogue in crowds, instead switching entirely to the moment and body reading.

BUT, if she is meeting an ally for the first time, or following a suspect that she found by using Babs' system, she'll often think their full name and alias to herself.

(An early exception to this is Commissioner Gordon. I'm not sure if it was a different authour, Cass just considers Babs' dad to be a special case, or if it's related to hearing about the crime through the news, but when Gordon gets shot she is CONSTANTLY thinking his name while she tries to figure out what happened (Batgirl 12, Mar 2001).)

-

For every one time Cass says Babs or Bruce’s names directly to them, they say her name between 5 and 8 times. (Babs is 114 to Cass’ 24, Bruce is 55 to Cass’ 8).

Meanwhile, Tim and Steph don’t even manage to use her name TWICE as often. (45 to 27 and 29 to 17, both add up to 1.7 times as often.)

Alfred has a similar fraction to Babs (14 to 3, which is 4.7 times as often), and Dick is also similar (12 to 3, 4 times as often).

Damian and Cass have one appearance together, and both address each other 3 times, while Jason and Cass never talked in the preboot.

-

Cass likes teasing people, but rarely does it through nicknames or other references. These are the only times I’ve recorded Cass using something other than a codename or civilian name:

Tim – she calls him ‘Bait’ twice (I’m not sure when), and indirectly refers to him as a ‘Little Kid’

Babs – she calls Babs ‘Baby’ once after she starts watching soap operas to get better at colloquial speech (Jun 2004).

Bruce – she uses a few teasing references to Batman, like ‘Ultimate Loner Superhero’ and ‘Creature of the Night’, after her comic ends (ie. after Apr 2006)

Alfred – she describes him as ‘A … Friend of the Family’ to her civilian friend Brenda, while trying to convince Brenda that he wasn’t a client and she isn’t a sex worker (Apr 2005).

That’s it.

-

So on to the details!

-

With almost everyone, Cass is more likely to use a codename than a civilian name.

With Damian –

uses a codename directly 3 times (100%)

Bruce –

codename directly 7 times (88%), indirectly 27 times (82%)

name directly 1 time (13%), indirectly 4 times (12%)

Babs –

codename directly 18 times (72%), indirectly 13 times (77%)

name directly 6 times (24%), indirectly 4 times (24%)

Dick –

codename directly 2 times (66%, one as ‘Nightwing’, one as ‘Batman’), indirectly 10 times (100%, all ‘Nightwing’)

name directly 1 time (33%)

Tim –

codename directly 14 times (52%), indirectly 17 times (85%, never as ‘Red Robin’ for either, only ‘Robin’)

name directly 11 times (41%), indirectly 2 times (10%)

Jason –

codename indirectly 1 time (50%, as ‘The Second Robin’)

name indirectly 1 time (50%)

Steph –

codename directly 7 times (41%, 2 were ‘Robin’, the rest ‘Spoiler’), indirectly 7 times (47%, all ‘Spoiler’)

name directly 10 times (59%%), indirectly 18 times (53%)

Alfred –

name directly 3 times (100%), indirectly 2 times (67%)

(Reminder: Babs and Bruce are in the VAST majority of Cass' 73 issue run, as well as a variety of other appearances. Steph and Tim are major parts of her life, who she's interacted with a BUNCH. Alfred is less frequent, and Dick, Damian, and Jason have few on panel interactions with her, but the low numbers here are generally NOT because of a small amount of sources. She just doesn't use names.)

-

Cass rarely switches between multiple forms of civilian names. People are either their full given name OR the nickname they were introduced with. ('Tim' and 'Dick' get nicknames, everyone else ('Barbara', 'Bruce', 'Stephanie', 'Alfred', 'Jason') is full given names.) As I mentioned before, if she’s introduced to them by full first and last name (often through their computer profile) she may think of them that way for quite some time, before switching over to just a given name.

Steph was ‘Stephanie Brown’ from Batgirl 20 to 53 (Nov 2001 to Aug 2004), when she switched to ‘Stephanie’.

(Steph is the only exception to the ‘given name OR nickname’ rule. After her death, Cass starts switching between ‘Stephanie’ and ‘Steph’ (Oct 2005). While this corresponds with a sharp drop in writing quality, it may still be meaningful.)

Bruce was ‘Bruce Wayne’ in 24, ‘Wayne’ in 27, and not ‘Bruce’ until after the series ends, but he’s a different kind of exception. Cass only knew him as Batman until later in Batgirl 24, and only uses ‘Wayne’ when talking to someone else who doesn’t know he’s Batman. At no point does he suggest she use his name, or she express interest in doing so. It’s only much later that she starts seeing him as a person separate from the costume.

-

And that's everything about this girl's speech. Basically, if you're writing her, try to remove everything but the very heart of what she's trying to say. Describe her body language. If it's from her perspective, stay very in the moment. Don't use names unless you have to, and keep them very basic.

-

Timeline of Cass’ speech and socialization:

Batman 567 (July 1999) – Cass introduced, has just learned to speak her first word –  ‘Stop’ - which she says to her father

Batgirl 4 (July 2000) – her vocabulary has grown to around a dozen words – very simple things like ‘Me’, ‘No’, ‘Shutup’, ‘Yes’, and ‘Ssh’.

Then a telepath downloads language into her brain, reorganizing things to make it fit. Cass is very pleased, until she discovers that her fighting ability is one of the things disrupted.

Cass now THINKS in words, as well. Before this point we had NO internal narration.

Despite understanding language now, she still struggles to use it, as her mouth and throat have no practice forming the sounds

Batgirl 7 (Oct 2000) – Cass first thinks of someone by name – ‘Shiva’. She also goes shopping for clothes and nail polish with Babs, and they tease each other. (Babs: “Hm. Black. Interesting choice. Thanks … but I don’t wear lipstick.” Cass, looking over the sunglasses she’s trying on with a shit-eating grin: “Don’t … DATE … either. Maybe … SHOULD.”)

Batgirl 9 (Dec 2000) – Cass first refers to someone by codename – ‘Oracle’ and ‘Batman’.

Batgirl 12 (Mar 2001) – Cass first thinks of an ally by given name – ‘Barbara’.

Batgirl 20 (Nov 2001) – Cass gets Steph to read a note for her, and they team up.

Batgirl 24 (Mar 2002) – Cass actually learns Batman’s civilian identity. By accident. Because he’s been accused of murder. She continues to only think of him as ‘Batman’.

Batgirl 28 (July 2002) – Steph convinces Cass to train her while Bruce is mysteriously missing. (He’s wanted to murder.) (Steph: “Pretty please? I’ll be your best friend?”)

Batgirl 30 (Sept 2002) – Cass first actually addresses Babs by given name – ‘Barbara’.

Batgirl 38 (May 2003) – Cass and Steph fight. Cass ignored Bruce’s orders to stay away from Cass, but DOES agree with his assessment that Steph isn’t good enough to be in the field. (Cass: “Still … friends?” Steph, leaving: “Friends don’t turn their backs on each other.”)

Batgirl 39-44 (Jun – Nov 2003) – A terrorist/freedom fighter starts flirting with Cass, and she’s not sure if she’s intrigued or uncomfortable. She ends up going out on a date with Superboy to explore her feelings. They realize that they are NOT attracted to each other, and happily part as friends. She continues to struggle with her feelings about flirtation and attraction, but lets them go underground after the terrorist/freedom fighter dies.

Batgirl 51 (June 2004) – Cass starts watching TV (specifically soaps) to improve her casual speech. She starts saying things like, “You bet ya sweet patootie, Baby!”

Batgirl 58 (Jan 2005) – Cass starts keeping an audio journal, because she wants to ‘learn to … think better in words, because … all I’ve ever known is “movement.”’

Batgirl 61 (Apr 2005) – Cass is visiting diners by herself and trying to carry on conversations with the owner. She’s also trying to navigate ordering without being able to read the menu.

Batgirl 63 (Jun 2005) – Cass is going out to dance, and flirting with interesting guys. She’s also experimenting with fashion and self-expression.

Robin 150 (July 2006) – Cass now speaks perfectly, is leading the League of Assassins, and tries to murder Tim. From this point on, Cass’ growth needs to be inferred - we don't get a well written Cass back until January 2011.

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Shadows Entwined: part 9

BatmanVsTmnt!Leonardo x sidekick!reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 / Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Bonus (18+)

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A/N: I just passed my exam and finished yet another part of Shadows Entwined!🤩💙 It’s not super long this time. Due to my exam I decided to cut it a little short this time around, but I hope it’s still enjoyable😘💙

---------------

Warnings: None💙

The reader and the turtles are 19.

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That day, all up on till the sun disappeared below the horizon, was relatively uneventful. While the sun stood in the sky, the turtles slept away in their rooms, while you, Damian and Barbara stayed in the Batcave with Alfred, keeping an eye on Bruce, and working away, trying to figure out where Ra’s al Ghul and Shredder was hiding out, and the much more pressing question; what were they working on? Why were the two villains working together?

You, Barbara and Damian had all decided to stay in costume, just in case any of the four terrapins would wake up. But as you pulled on your mask in your room, you couldn’t help but feel a rush in your stomach at the thought of the night before. What Leo had said about your face made you smile like crazy, and the thought of how close you had been to… how close you had been to kiss Leo made you gitty. Of course you couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if you had kissed, finding yourself daydreaming on your way down to the Batcave with a small skip in your step, thinking of how Leo’s lips would have felt against yours.

But then the sobering reality hit you as soon as you entered the Batcave, the sight of your still unconscious father reminding you of all the other things that happened the night before. The towering gothic halls of Arkham. How terrified you had been while Leo had been under the influence of the Crane Gass, unable to do anything as he seemed terrified that you wouldn’t look him in the eyes, even though you had never said such a thing. And how your father, the dark knight, was turned into a mutant bat before your very eyes. Suddenly your little daydream about the almost kiss with Leo wasn’t the only thing on your mind.

It was around dinner time that the turtles woke up. At that point the dark had already fallen over Gotham, the sun being hidden behind a thick layer of dark clouds, the city rarely having more than a few hours of life during the day.

Sitting down next to Leo as you ate, your heart couldn’t help but flutter at the small smile he shot at you, his blue eyes twinkling a little as they searched for yours. It was clear that he also remembered the night before, both the good and the bad parts, seeming a little unsure if he was still in your good grace. But the smile you sent back at him, made him relax with a silent sigh, finally letting him eat without his heart jumping like mad.

After dinner, all of you went straight back to work, looking through any possible leads on where Ra’s and Shredder could be, while Alfred continued his care of Bruce, in the company of a worrisome Robin and a curious yet slightly scared Mikey. And then, lo and behold, Batgirl struck gold, showing you all her findings on the big screen of the computer.

“The Wayne Enterprises’ container ship that was moving the Cloud Seeder to Bludhaven, was hijacked last night”, Batgirl explained, reading up from her findings. “The thieves then smuggled the Cloud Seeder back into Gotham port”.

Raph grumbled with his arms crossed and his teeth clenched. “While we were dealing with those freaks in Arkham”. He was right. Arkham had been nothing but a distraction.

Donatello, who was seated in the chair right in front of the big computer, looked at the screen in thought, a finger tapping on his chin, before he seemed to have a realization, tapping away on the keys.

“With the machinery the Foot has stolen, I think they’re building something that’ll mix the ooze with Joker’s formula, and launch the Joker-ised ooze into the clouds above the city”, he said, pulling up pictures of the machinery for you all to see.

“And when it rains down, it’ll turn everyone in Gotham into a monster mutant like Batman”, Leo said, dreading in his voice. Having fought against mutant Batman was one thing, but a whole city? And not just any city, but your city. Yet another reason for Leo to hate everything the Foot and Shredder stood for.

“Dudes!”, Mikey yelled in eagerness from Batman’s table, causing all of you to turn, fearing the worst. Even Robin jumped from his chair, seemingly ready to fight whatever threat Mikey had seen. But there was no threat. Just Mikey screaming beside Bruce Wayne. “I’m freaking out here!”, he said, placing both hands on his head, as if he was trying to keep his mind from exploding. “Did everyone else know that Batman is Bruce Wayne?!”

The silence that followed, only broken by the smack of Raph’s face palm, spoke for the situation itself. You might not have been the biggest fan of Raph’s way of doing things, but you could not deny how much you related to that smack against his forehead.

“I mean, you knew the Batcave was under Wayne Manor”, Donnie said with a raised brow bone. He knew that his little brother wasn’t the sharpest knife in the draw, but he had never thought that such a revelation would take so long for Mikey to realize.

“I’m just saying it’s a lot to take in”, Mikey said, stretching his face in thought, before he rested his elbows against Bruce, causing Alfred to see red in the corner of his eyes. “Rich and cool! Like leave something for the rest of us guy!” Alfred let out a loud sigh, before he started moving Mikey away from Bruce, causing the orange clad turtle to yell out in protest at the butler. “I’m going, I’m going, okay!”

You looked at Leo with a questionable look, and all he could do was sigh with a small nod. Yes, Mikey was always like that.

“Do we have any idea where Shredder and Ra’s are building this machine?”, you asked, turning back towards Batgirl and Donnie, feeling Leo’s eyes on you, along with the small tug at the corner of his mouth. Apparently you were asking the right questions. And much to your luck, that question sparked a thought in Batgirl’s head.

“I don’t know exactly how Joker makes his venom, but I do know where the components would be”, Batgirl said, leaning over Donnie in order to press on the computer keys. His small flustered expression made you choke down a chuckle. Oh, how you were going to press Batgirl with your knowledge. Even Leo seemed to notice, enhancing small glances with you. Both of you knew something, that much was obvious. Leo poked at Donnie with a small finger, causing the purple clad turtle to scowl at him. “Ace Chemicals”, Batgirl continued, pulling up a picture of the facility. “It’s where the Joker was created, when he fell into a vat of, you know, chemicals. So if they need venom, they’ll be there”.

“But it’s walled off”, Leo pointed out, noting the high walls and barbed wire. “Easy to defend”.

“So what?”, Raph said, sounding frustrated. “If they’re dugg in and ready for a fight, then we bring them a freaking fight”, he continued, slamming his fists together with a dark smile.

“We aren’t doing anything”, a deep voice sounded behind you. You turned in joy, seeing Alfred helping your father up to stand, Robin running to his side in order to help.

“Master Bruce you’re not well”, Alfred said in concern, wishing Bruce would sit down once again.

“I’m as well as I need to be”, Bruce grumbled, taking the drop out of his arm, his gaze turning to the turtles. He stared at them for a moment, before walking to his neatly folded costume on a nearby table. “Batgirl and Robin are coming with me to Ace. (H/N) stays in the manor. The turtles are going home”.

“What?”, Mikey exclaimed in sadness and shock as Bruce pulled on his costume over his head. “C’mon, we know your secret identity now! Our team up have been surmounted!”

“I gave you a change”, Bruce said in a stern voice, turning directly towards the terrapin brothers. “You four are impulsive, and you don’t follow orders”. His eyes narrowing at them. “I want you out of Gotham!”

“Uh, father”, Robin said, his small frame stepping between them. “Look, it pains me to say this, but the turtles saved you in Arkham. They are valiant allies! Even the dumb one! Michelangelo”.

“Hey!”, Mikey exclaimed in a displeased expression. “Not cool!”

“If it wasn’t for them, Joker would have never gotten close enough to inject me in the first place”, Bruce said in a scowl as he closed the clasp on his cape, before pulling the mask up over his head, once again becoming the dark knight of Gotham City, before turning his back to them. “This is not up for discussion”.

Leo felt the burning stair from Batman, telling him to do exactly as he had been told too. To leave Gotham. But Leo’s heart stung at the thought, because leaving Gotham meant not just leaving the city, but leaving you. Leo once again thought back to the visions he had seen under the influence of the Crane Gass. How he had scared you. How you had feared him. He still did not know if these visions had been real, but never did he wish for those visions to be real. He hoped that none of it had been true and just his mind playing tricks on him. But in reality, Leo did not know. He remembered how scared that you had been when you entered Arkham, and how fearful you had been when you walked the halls, and the more Leo thought about it, the more it unsettles him. Maybe Batman was right. Maybe it was best if you stayed in the Wayne Manor where you could be safe while Batman, Robin and Batgirl headed out. And maybe, just maybe it was best if Leo and his brothers left. Leo had scared you once and he did not wish to do it again, even if it was going to hurt him.

“Maybe he’s right”, Leo mumbled, looking down at his feet, not wanting to meet your confused eyes. He could almost hear your heart crack just a little inside your chest, not wanting to believe what you were hearing as he turned towards his brothers. “Following Batman’s lead took us to Arkham and distracted us from Shredder”, he said, not noticing the deepening frown on Raph’s face. We’d be better off on your own”.

“No! No! He ain’t right!”, Raph yelled, pushing back his brothers so he could storm forward. He pushed the leader in blue so hard that he tumbled, only just catching himself before he fell onto you, your eyes meeting once again, sending shock waves through the two of you. Leo felt his mouth dry out as he stared into your eyes, knowing full well that they would be the hardest thing for him to leave behind. The hurt in your eyes and the way his heart was aching, making him freeze in place, unsure of what to do or say. Leo did not want to go. He did not want to leave you. Could he just stand there and look at you forever he would, but sadly, your father did want it to be like that.

“Look, Batman”, Raph said, making his way to your father, who was busy assembling his beloved utility belt. “I get it! The whole brooding loner thing, sitting on top of roof tops, mumbling about how you’re the only one that can stand up to evil in your own city. That’s my whole deal! I love that stuff! And I totally agree that my brothers are annoying, unbearably so sometimes”.

“Uhm”, Leo said, finally realizing that Raph had been talking the whole time the two of you had been locked in each other’s eyes. “Where are you going with this?”

“Teh!”, Raph said annoyed, turning back to Batman. “That’s why. When things get though, I don’t even bother with them. I go off on my own and do things my way!”

“He does do that”, Donnie said, Mikey agreeing with a sounding nod.

“Still doesn’t explain where he’s going”, you whispered, making Leo hum in agreement.

“Yeah, but here’s the thing”, Raph continued. “Every single time, I just get into more trouble and my brothers have to bail me out”.

"It's true!”, Mikey chimed in. “Every time”.

“Sure we make mistakes. Sure we make the wrong moves”, Raph went on, ignoring his little brother. “But we can’t get better-”. Raph grabbed onto Batman’s arm in order to turn him around to face him, making you, Batgirl, Robin and Alfred gasp in surprise. No one just grabbed onto Batman nor Bruce Wayne like that. That was just not how it worked. “-If you don’t trust us”. The turtles, seeming to understand the severity of Raph’s actions, watched with wide eyes. Donnie even covered his mouth, Leo’s eyes going wide and Mikey gasping out loud. Batman said nothing but just narrowed his eyes at the square jawed mutant, almost daring him to continue. “We’re a family, and learning from your mistakes together, is how a family works”.

“This is not a family”, Batman rumbled, bumping his shoulder against Raph’s as he walked past him. “It’s a team”.

“Ain’t that the same thing?”

That comment made Batman halt in his actions. It was as if those words had touched a nerve deep within him. Batman said nothing but stared forward, his thoughts running wild in his head. Raph’s words echoing in his head as he looked to Alfred, Robin, you and Batgirl and then to the turtles, only to notice how close all of you were standing. And how you and Leo seemed to seek each other out in the small crowd. Just like he had noticed the two of you do in Arkham. And on the roof. Even during your first meeting and fight together.

“You’re right”, he finally said, making you all stare at him in disbelief. You felt your palm begin to sweat as Batman made his way towards Leo, determination in his eyes. “Let’s stop Ra’s and Shredder”, he said, before extending a hand to the leader of the turtles. “Together”.

Leo looked at Batman’s hand, extending his own hand in order to shake it, when suddenly…

“Awesome! Dips on the Batmobile!”, Mikey yelled, jumping over the head of a growling Raph, skipping right by you in a rush and right through Leo and Batman’s handshake.

“Uh, we have our own ride”, Leo said after Mikey, not sure if his forgetful lille brother actually was able to remember it.

“You do?”, Batgirl asked Donnie in confusion, causing Donnie to beam with innocent pride, thinking of the van he had tuned up.

“Yeah, we didn’t walk here from New York”, Donnie smiled, secretly hoping that Batgirl would ask about the van.

“Don’t care!”, Mikey yelled, already inside Batman’s car, fastening his seatbelt. “Called the Batmobile!”

Batman looked from Mikey to Leo, his eyes lingering at him for a moment before giving him a small nod. It was time to find Shredder and Ra’s.

[x-reader-things]

Omg hi!

I saw that you wrote for star wars rebels and thought that this was my shot!

Could i get an imagine of where Ezra has a partner(non binary reader) and they get captured after a big fight, and when they come to save them they are EXTREMELY hurt, like, burn scars, black eyes, cuts littered everywhere on their body, and how he would react along with the other ghost crew and a week or so after ish?

The ghost crew is platonic btw, but i don't know if i want Ezra romantic? Just fluff and cuddles and a really worried Ezra :)

Feel free to ignore this and remember to take care of yourself!

This one got carried away from me ty for requesting this, oml-

It was really fun to write it- I literally stayed up until 4 : 30 something or 4 : 40 something writing most of it, got 3 hours of sleep, and began to write it again I love this piece sm-

Sorry for the long wait too, and I hope you remember to take care of yourself as well!! And if this isn’t exactly how you imagined it I apologize as well, but still, I hope you enjoy!!

“—Builds character, apparently.”

The Ghost Crew x Reader [Platonic], Ezra Bridger x Reader [Romantic, mostly - recently established relationship]

Summary ; In which you get captured and tortured after a… lovely argument with your partner. Only to be found and brought back home a week later. Fun times.

Requested? ; Yes

Warnings ; reader get’s tortured, descriptions of violence [not too graphic], injuries, anxiety - typical canon violence for Star Wars Rebels and Star Wars in general. Also not much of a warning but touch starved Ezra!! I love him sm- also hurt comfort things too-

Word Count ; 6.6 k [my longest one so far- :00]

——————————————————————

Thinking back on it now, the argument was so small. So trivial.

So… Minimal.

Compared to now, that is. It was just a stupid thing blown out of proportions. A stupid little spat that you got in with your partner, Ezra.

Well, it’s not that stupid.

It was about him using the damn Sith holocron to get stronger. You didn’t mind that he was using it at first, sure. It helped him. Especially after what happened to Kanan. Kept him calm. Kept him strong. Kept him believing in the Force.

After all, in your minds eye, Sith and Jedi were really just two sides of the same coin.

It didn’t make too much of a difference to you, besides in methods of how each group manipulated their abilities they got from the Force, respectively.

But now, a couple years since then - and about a few months into… whatever your relationship turned out to be - he was depending on it too much. He was taking it’s teachings to the next level, which in turn made him more powerful. Which was a good thing, in some cases. It saved your asses more times than you could count, recently.

But Ezra was… much, much angrier than before.

Power hungry, almost.

And after Kanan found out he was using it - all because Ezra was dumb enough not to hide it quickly or put it away, and too oblivious at that point to even sense that Kanan was literally at his cabin door - Ezra rounded at you.

Blamed you for Kanan figuring it out. Blamed you for spilling his secrets. Blamed you for Kanan getting angry at him for his decision.

And you knew he wouldn’t actually say those things if he was really himself. You knew that he was beginning to get corrupted by that red pyramid of a holocron. You knew he was literally losing nights sleep due to nightmares, which made him more paranoid and skeptical about everything.

But damn, if it didn’t hurt like hell and make you even angrier than he was at that point.

You snapped at him. Told him you kept his secret from everyone. Told him you’d never, ever, spill any secrets of his or anyone else’s, even if you were being tortured for the truth. And you told him that you couldn’t believe he’d even accuse you for such a thing as that. You blamed the holocron, even took Kanan’s side for it - something you rarely ever did when it came down to Ezra unless of it was something serious - saying that Ezra’s gotten angry.

Too angry.

And you honestly didn’t really think you could handle it anymore. Or him in general, for that moment. So you left. Before he had anything else to say, and before he snapped out of that stunned daze that stared right into your eyes, almost completely disbelieving into the very depths of your soul. It was a heat of the moment kind of anger that made you do such a thing.

You offhandedly mumbled something about a mission you had to get to anyways, just as you quickly walked away from him, glare set on your face, hardening any kind of other emotion that threatened to come pouring out of your eyes (stars, you hated angry tears).

All of which happened about a week prior to where you were now.

Starving in a jail cell.

An imperial jail cell, locked away from everyone and everything.

—————————————

Another cough racked out of you, a wheeze accompanying it. You must have a cracked rib or something. Karabast, everything burned.

The mission you went on was supposed to take a couple days. And Hera gave it to you as a solo-operation. You needed it anyways, to cool off from the heated and stinging argument you had with Ezra before leaving.

It was simply get a few supply crates for medical purposes for the fleet. With how big the supply crates were, it should last the fleet about half a year at most - a few months at the very least. And honestly, the fleet could take anything it can get, at this point.

The crates were located in between the planets of Batonn and Denash, two planets in the Batonn sector.

You were warned to be careful. Earlier that year all three planets in that sector were taken back over by Grand Admiral Thrawn - some guy you’ve only recently heard of through transmissions from Fulcrum in the past few months - during the Batonn sector insurgency. You would be able to cloak one of the Phoenix squadron ships (since the Phantom would be in use for another mission at the time) so you wouldn’t be able to be detected by any of the imperials, or any of the imperial fleet, there.

Once cloaked, a secret message would be transmitted to you via a comm channel that only you and the disguised transporter would know about, in order to make the exchange for the medical crates. All hidden behind a few of the moons that orbited between both Batonn and Denash.

And you were careful.

At least, you were.

Clearly, the other disguised transporter wasn’t, and the plan was found out a little too late for you to realize that - especially a good few minutes after being bombarded by heavy blaster fire from the imperial fleet’s artillery. You’d think you’d realize that the moment you didn’t see the medical crates outside and connected to the transporter for an easy attachment pick-up, but no. You just had to give them the benefit of the doubt, didn’t you?

And now, here you were.

A week later.

Severely burned, bruised, and dehydrated.

And yet still somehow keeping a level head.

At least. You think.

“I told you, I have nothing to tell you.”, you spat between ragged breaths, another stick of something electric being shoved into your side again. You grit yourself teeth and strained, keeping your groaning and screaming to a minimum. You learned pretty quickly that running your vocal cords raw weren’t going to do you any good like that. Despite having to repeat yourself over and over to the imperial scum in front of you that you literally didn’t know a damn thing about what they wanted to hear from you.

Something something, plans for Lothal and it’s liberation (terrorist attack, which is what the Empire called it), and other boring stuff like where was the other rebels.

Now obviously, you weren’t going to just hand over the second part of their questions on a silver platter that easily. You never would. Not even if someone tried using the Force to get you to spit it out. You wouldn’t reveal that integral part of information, no. That’s where your friends were, that’s where your family lived, that’s where Ezra was.

You sure as hell weren’t going to give them that information for their satisfaction.

As for the first part of their questions, however, you legitimately didn’t know anything about it.

Sure, you’ve heard talks of it. Plans of getting together to actually plan it out, once the fleet was big enough. But you didn’t know specifics. After those couple of things, your knowledge of the subject was dwindled down to just some things you heard in passing conversations back at Chopper base. That was it.

And clearly, for the past longest week ever, the imperials didn’t believe you when you told them that truth.

That it wasn’t even fully planned. That they had nothing to worry about (yet). That you didn’t know anything.

A gloved hand lurched up and roughly grabbed your jaw, digging into the ever worsening bruises that littered your jaw and cheeks, forcing you to look at whoever it was. Through the swelling of your black eye that’s been getting worse for the past couple of days, all you could see was the blurry outline of the same soldier that always questioned you, looked at you and hurt you like you were the scum of the galaxy.

“The more you lie, the worse this gets”, he sneered, another jabs of burning and electricity stinging through you at his words. He shoved your face to the side as he let go of you, your head smacking into the metal slab that held you up and kept you captive in this horrific torture machine.

Another strained noise tickled the back of your throat. Another whimper of pain that you stifled to keep your sanity. At the very least, you could do whatever Ezra taught you to do best.

Annoy the hell out of these bucket heads.

“What’s that saying about insanity? Oh right”, you coughed before wheezing out a bit of forced laughter, a smirk forming over your mouth, irritating the cut lower lip that was beginning to scab over. “If - if you do something over and over again, and continuously get the same results, that makes you insane. And uh - buddy it’s been about a week, hasn’t it? You haven’t gotten anywhere—“

The restraints were unclipped from your wrists and ankles. Confusion wracked your mind before a hand grabbed at your neck and forced you back harshly on the metal slab. That time, you couldn’t stop the loud shout that sprang out from you at the sudden movements.

“Wha—“, you grunted before you can even squeeze out a sentence, a strong fist connected with your abdomen, making all the airbrush out of you at the action. You couldn’t even begin to process the pain you were in besides the electrical burns. The adrenaline and the numbness to it at that point was still ringing true in every nerve in your body.

Before the imperial soldier could even land another hit on you, or another burn, the hilt of a Lasan Bo-rifle hit the back of them at a pressure point, instantly knocking them out.

Wait.

Bo-rifle from Lasan?

You coughed and wheezed for more air the moment the soldier let go of your reddening neck and smacked onto the ground, and you were even firmly planted on the ground yet, or strapped down onto anything. So you were about to smack onto the ground yourself when you found no energy within you to keep yourself there. Gravity acted too fast on you.

“Woah, easy there kid—“, a rough voice sounded, almost distant in your ears, until a couple of purple furred hands caught you before you fell, steadying you on your shaky feet. “You alright there?”

“Zeb?”, you croaked out, looking up and squinting at who caught you. Purple fur, blurry yellow eyes, some semblance of a scowl - yep that was Zeb.

Once Zeb got a proper look at you, he grimaced with a flinch. “Oh - Karabast, kid, what did they do to you?!”

Burn marks everywhere, bruises everywhere, scratches everywhere, rips in clothing, tattered, messy hair, more sunken eyes than usual, looking dryer and skinnier. Karabast, you look worse for wear.

“Oh, yknow”, you chucked wryly, still keeping up the act of being as calm as you could. “A bit of torture, a bit of starvation and dehydration - builds character, apparently.” Zeb rolled his eyes, brow furrowed in something a lot less like annoyance and much more like worry.

Odd, you think. It’s only been a week since you were kidnapped. How worried could they have gotten?

“Spectre-4 to Spectre-2, come in.”, Zeb said immediately into the comm.

“Specter-2 to Spectre-4, Whaddya got for me, Zeb?”, answered the crackling voice of Hera on the other end, a faint sound of blaster fire behind her somewhere.

“I found them, I found Spectre-7”, Zeb said immediately into the comm.

“YOU FOUND THEM?” , came a chorus of four other voices loudly into the comms, along with the surprisingly relieved beeps of Chopper. You and Zeb flinched at the sound. Your ears weren’t as sensitive as the Lasat’s were, but damn if that sudden noise didn’t make you flinch.

Your’s and Zeb’s shared reaction caused him to look back at you as opposed to the comm in his other hand. One arm was held onto one of your biceps, which was one of the only thing keeping you from falling next to the puffer-pig dung heap on the floor. You were so much lighter than before. That was not a good sign.

“They’re not lookin’ so good.”, he said honestly, swiveling his head around just in case of any stray stormtrooper coming your guys’ way. No one answered back right away. At least, that’s why you and Zeb thought.

Comms shorted for a second.

Imperials know they’re there, trying to get you back, trying to cut off communications with one another.

“Zeb”, came another voice. Younger than Hera’s, definitely not either of the other guys. Sabine, you guessed, mind still swirling from the burning feeling of the metal, electrifying rods being stabbed into your sides, just enough to cause burns rather than cuts in the skin. “ZEB!”

Zeb exclaimed in irritation at the loud and sudden noise of the comms crackling back, deciding best that it probably wasn’t a good idea to just sit and wait for the others to find you two while under blaster fire. “WHAT!? What is it—!?”

“Talk to me, Orrelios, how bad are they??”, urged Sabine, seemingly referring to your injuries.

You grunted at the sudden lurch of being pulled into the hallway by Zeb, stumbling over your shaking feet as he didn’t stop for a second, even at the sounds of your own discomfort, the ones you wanted to keep at bay for a while now.

The lasat pulled you aside into an empty corridor once the blaster fire began to reach you guys. With a sigh of irritation, he picked you up from your knees and held you up - almost like a kid, which you still kind of were to some degree to him - and spoke into the comms once again. You laid your head on his shoulder with a groan and a wheeze, earning another concerned side-eyed glance from Zeb.

“Look, you’ll see them when we get back to the rendezvous point, just get there, got it!?” He said sharply into the comm, shoving it back into its place on his belt.

After that, conversations on the comms were just crackles and buzzes of the other members quickly trying to communicate with one another, blaster fire covering the most of it up, along with your hands at your ears. It was all just a blur at that point, really.

—————————————

Just before reaching the rendezvous point that was agreed upon, Zeb let you down to your feet again, still keeping a stabilized hand on your shoulder as you walked - hobbled, really - over to where the rendezvous was. He figured you didn’t want anyone to see that he carried you here like a child all the way there from that corridor. Karabast, you even vocalized that.

“Tell anyone you carried me like a kid and I will steal all of your snack rations from the extra food we found, got it?”, you slurred out, arm loosely wrapped around your middle as you heave a coarse cough afterwards, still trying to recover from being tortured just before Zeb found you.

“Got it.”, Zeb said to you with a small, relived chuckle. Although, that relief was short. How the hell are you still acting normal after all of that? Your normal, sarcastic-like-you-spend-way-too-much-time-with-Ezra self? Although, the sarcasm seems to be the only remaining constant with how you were from a week before, at that moment, so the Lasat can take what he can get. Beggars can’t be choosers, after all.

You arrived at the rendezvous point not a minute later, being met with a very worried sick Sabine and Hera. Hera immediately took you from Zeb’s side, an arm wrapping under one of yours as she led you back onto the Ghost. Sabine held onto your bicep of the other arm wrapped around your abdomen and stomach, keeping close by, and Zeb hovered close behind as the four of you quickly boarded the ghost.

Ezra, Kanan and Chopper were the ones in charge of the escape.

Once you were confirmed to be MIA, with chatter around the imperial gossip chain leading to fulcrum about six days into your stay at that imperial facility before it got to Chopper base, the plan was made almost in record time.

It was agreed upon that the two Jedi’s were to help escape, not fight. Not after the whole debacle with the old Clone Wars Y-Wings mission days prior to that, when Ezra’s use of the dark side got into his confidence and a little out of control during that mission - which lead to the unfortunate destruction of the Phantom.

Ezra was wholeheartedly against it, and so was Kanan.

But to Hera and the other two, it was their best bet. The moment Kanan and Ezra would’ve been found in that imperial facility would’ve made things a whole lot harder to get you out of there.

The Jedi staying behind on the Ghost was their best bet to get you out of there with as minimal attention as possible.

Well, as much as they could despite being rebels, of course.

No sooner than the doors to the Ghost closed once you were all loaded onto the ship, the freighter was immediately put into hyperdrive. Not directly to Atollan, of course - just somewhere away from that cursed place around Batonn and Denash.

The four of you all breathed a sigh of relief, you still wheezing and coughing from everything and trying to catch your breath. At this point, though, you’re pretty sure you have a cracked rib somewhere. Breathing hurt. Not just around your neck, but your sides too.

“Well, that was something”, you strained out with a forced chuckle, earning some pained looks from Sabine and Hera once they looked at the state of you.

Stars, you looked like hell.

Beeping and warbling from Chopper joined you soon afterwards, the Astro-mech flying towards you, around the loading dock that everyone who wasn’t a Jedi was in. Chopper nudged onto your leg, moving its head from side to side, almost like a nuzzling manner that your would see from a loth-cat. Zeb chuckled at the sight a bit, earning a quick zap from Chopper, and what could’ve been a curious catering of curse words and what you picked up to be “don’t tell anyone about this”, in droid language. You moved your arm from around your waist, giving Chopper a quick pat on the head, taking your hand back as he rolled away, the sounds of two sets of footsteps bounding closer on the metal of the ground scaring him off to the side.

You looked up slowly, eyes barely meeting Kanan’s, nor Ezra’s.

Well, it’s not like Kanan could actually see you. But he could hear and sense you. And the pain you’re in, despite you not being able to feel it all just yet. And he could tell you were fighting the whole time. Not giving up even the slightest bit of actual information that could help the empire. He was both equal parts relieved and absolutely horrified at that.

Force knows what kind of injuries littered the skin of your body.

Ezra, on the other hand, could see you. He couldn’t even begin to fathom what he saw.

A gulp and a shaky, quiet breath followed after he finally got to see you. A week after that stupid, stupid argument. His eyes were wide, cerulean blues scanning over each and every injury and bruise that came with your battered appearance.

You were his partner.

What did those damned imperial asshats do to his partner!?

“Hey, there’s my favorite Jedi’s!”, you forced out, your voice cutting through Ezra’s thoughts, another smile cutting through the scab on your lip even more.

Kanan gave Ezra a small pat on the back in encouragement, and Ezra wasted no time on jumping over the railing of the top deck, feet firmly planting on the lower deck of the loading dock before he enraptured you into a tight hug that almost knocked you back down onto the ground.

Hera, Sabine, and Zeb were smart enough to back away once Ezra had landed on the lower deck.

You grunted from the force, a pained wheeze accompanying it. ”Easy, Ez, pretty sure you cracked my ribs even more”, you say, sarcasm and a joking lilt covering whatever kind of fears you were feeling right then. Ezra just barely loosened his grip on you, a hand coming up to gently hold onto the back of your head as the other clutched you close around your shoulders.

His eyes were screwed shut, brows furrowed downwards as his chin pressed onto your shoulder, for another reminder that you were there. You were with him. You were in the Ghost.

You were safe.

He was still reeling at hearing the sound of your voice after not hearing it for about a week. Perhaps the longest week ever.

To say that he freaked out the moment he realized you missed your check-in time with Hera was an absolute understatement. He was already antsy during the first two days of your mission. Especially since you guys both said nothing to each other after the argument, you having left not too long afterwards. He already got a bad feeling that wouldn’t stop coursing through him - no matter how hard he tried to will it away - the moment you left him alone after you offhandedly mentioned your task once the argument ended.

And when you missed the check-in time? And the days after that?

He couldn’t sleep at all.

Went through one too many scenarios through his head that made him anxious to no end in sight. Not even Hera or Kanan could help him through that one.

He grew irritable when he was told to wait for further instructions on the matter of your disappearance. He wanted to go out and find you - maybe pay a visit to whoever the hell kept you away from the base for so long. Man, even Sabine and Zeb were willing to join him on that endeavor before the transmission from Fulcrum came through. Once Fulcrum said your name and stated the now-debunked-as-true rumors of you being captured in an imperial facility for questioning, all thoughts of his previous idea flew out the window.

He remembers how the air left his lungs when Zeb’s voice crackled through the comms to speak to Hera about finding you, Kanan and him being tapped into the frequency just incase anything else happened while they were on the Ghost, waiting for the rest of the Spectres to come home with you in tow with them for the escape. It was difficult to breathe for a few seconds.

Zeb found you.

And then, of course, he remembers the fear and anger that rushed in at what Zeb said about your state of being. What he wouldn’t give to have beat up whoever thought was a good idea to torture people for information - especially whoever thought it was a good idea to do that to you. Everyone knew immediately what Zeb was referring to when he said you didn’t look too good. You were injured. And from Zeb’s tone of voice, the injuries were bad.

And now, here you were. Held in his arms, safe back on the home you called the Ghost, with him being absolutely unable to bring himself out of the hug. He can breath easier now, now that you’re at home.

“Ez, ‘m fine”, you said with a laugh. Still trying to remain calm. “You can let go of me, y’know?”

Ezra shook his head no stubbornly, eyebrows furrowing inwards a bit more for just a second at the idea, knowing damn well he got a roll from the eyes from you. That wasn’t going to change his mind about holding you at all.

“Ezra seriously my ribs are starting to hurt—“

He loosened his grip enough to pull away from you, not before pulling a surprising move and lifting you up into his arms. One arm still clung around your shoulders, and the other hooked underneath your knees. You gasped in surprise at the action, but the gasp was a little to sharp for your body’s reaction, so immediately afterwards you coughed away from him and into your elbow, trying to catch your breath, your other arm slung around Ezra’s neck instinctively.

After a bit more of you catching your breath after a few seconds, Ezra sighs shortly in relief, and makes his way towards the ladders with you, still in his arms. The adrenaline was still there for you, just slowly waning, enough for you to get tired enough not to protest Ezra’s actions.

“What are you doing?”, Hera asked him once he started climbing out the ladder to the deck above the loading dock. The arm around your shoulders was helping him climb, your arm strong enough to hold yourself up, while his other arm stayed hooked underneath your legs.

“Gonna help with their injuries.”, he told Hera curtly.

“We have a team of medics at the base to—“

“I know.”

Ezra’s voice was sharp at that answer, even just the slightest bit of annoyed, stunning a bit of silence out of Hera at his reaction. The rest of the crew watched as he disappeared back into the Ghost with you wrapped up in his arms.

For a second, Hera took a step towards the ladders, having half a mind to follow the two of you, before Kanan’s voice called out to her from the balcony.

“Let him help. They’ll be fine with him. Think they both need some time together after the past week we just had.” He explained to her calmly. Hera only stared at him for a long minute, before looking at a random part of the Ghost below them both, sighing at his words.

He was right.

You both needed this.

—————————————

“You really said that to the guy?”, Ezra asked incredulously, voice the softest it’s ever been around you. He was busy cleaning off the dried blood from your visible cuts, having already just cleaned, bandaged, and put burn salve on the electrical burns all over your middle and sides. The burn salve was long over due for them, and you visibly relaxed when the burns were finally covered in the soothing, cooling substance. That should take away the sting that ebbed away at your nerves.

“Hey, it really was the definition of insanity in there!”, you said with a chuckle as you defended your word choices. Which, granted, prompted you to get choked by the guy before Zeb stepped in, so it probably wasn’t the best word choice, but still. It was better than nothing. “Couldn’t help it, Ezra. I spend too much time with you to not say something, yknow.”

That comment coaxed a small smile out of Ezra, a gentle hum of a chuckle already being pushed through him. But it still wasn’t enough to make him laugh all the way. At least it got him to smile, though, even for a little bit.

He was cleaning off a couple of the cuts on one of your hands, attention staying on that hand as he let the small smile turn the corners of his mouth upwards.

“There’s the smile I missed for the past week”, you said, your other hand coming up to cup the left side of his cheek. Your thumb lightly grazed over the two shallow indents of scars left by the inquisitors a couple years prior, and he leaned into the feeling of your hand on his cheek, stopping his small mission of getting you patched up himself, and relishing in your touch. Even if it’s for a few seconds before he got back to work.

One week without any knowledge of how you were doing was enough to make him realize how much he really, really missed you during the longer missions. He missed your hugs, your talks, the banter. He’d give anything to prevent another week like this one from happening again.

One week without him around was enough to make you worry. What kind of lengths he’d go through to get anyone back. To get you back. That is, if he fully turned to the darkside of the Force. Sure, two sides of the same coin with the light side of the Force and everything, but it still harbored some level of fear in you. Luckily, though, it seemed like Kanan knocked some sense in him. That or your disappearance and subsequent torturing - but honestly you’re hoping it’s not the latter. You’re just glad he’s ok. That he isn’t hurt. That he’s here and he’s safe, and that you protected the secrets of the Ghost and Chopper Base without breaking to anything the imperial facility threw at you. That was an accomplishment in its own right. And you were glad that you were able to keep those secrets safe.

And that you were able to keep Ezra safe.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when a thumb swiped over the split cut that was on your lower lip. Ezra just barely grazed it, but it still hurt, and made you wince a little bit at the touch. Only by a smidge.

To cover that up, however, you decided to joke around a bit.

“If you wanted a kiss you could’ve just asked”, you said, snickering a little at Ezra’s eye roll, and the red that began to tinge his ears. He closed his eyes and shook his head with a chuckle, and your smile grew. That got him to laugh.

His hand moved to hold the side of your neck, just below your jawline. Part of his hand still rested on it, more so at the corner, and just underneath the skin of your ear. The touch was careful, and his thumb lightly brushed against the bruising on your jaw. He gently pulled your head closer, and his forehead lightly bumped against yours, his nose lightly nudging against the side of your own, all in an attempt to get more calm and comfortable.

And it worked.

He took in a breath, and let out a sigh, the tension in his shoulders finally leaving after a couple seconds of the breath.

“Sorry about the argument”, he mumbled the apology, eyes tilted downwards, focus on the ground. “I shouldn’t have—“

“Hey”, you cut him off, knuckle from your free hand coming up, gently nudging his chin up so he could look at you, eyes that swirled with the power of the Force onto yours, that only caught the reflection of the light in the room, and the reflection of Ezra in front of you. “That was just a stupid argument. That doesn’t matter now.”

“But it does!”, he exclaimed in a whisper, irises boring into yours. You swear, you could see your own soul reflected through them. ”I went out of line and blamed you for being careless and—“

“You really think that argument has any affect on me right now?”, you ask, raising a brow. “Karabast, I was literally tortured, I would love to go back to when that argument was the most of my worries.”

That was only last week that that argument happened. So trivial, compared to the events that unfurled.

So trivial compared to the burns on your sides, the ache in your ribs, the twinges of pain from your bruises and the black eye that plagued your left eye.

It hurt emotionally, sure.

But what you wouldn’t give to go back to that being the only kind of pain that swirled in your mind.

Before even you realized what was happening, through the haze of the loud thoughts that made up your mind at the moment, Ezra’s other hand disconnected from the rag that cleaned up your dried blood, and reconnected with your other cheek on the other side of your face, away from the black eye. He nudged away a stray tear with one of his knuckles, and brushed his thumb over the swell of your cheek once more began to slowly tumble out. Mainly from the one eye you could actually see out of properly, the one eye that went wide after you mentioned the torture you endured, the one eye that let that tear go loose, providing other tears with enough confidence to start falling as well.

“I was tortured, Ezra.” Your voice went quiet, strained.

It was only then that you realized just how horrified you were.

Strange, how some feelings of anxiety didn’t pop up until way later, once you were actually processing whatever kind of traumatic event you just went through. Other times the anxiety bubbles up pretty quickly, during whatever you were going through - even if it was just a normal, calm situation that somehow made your anxiety act up. But this time, it took you a week to actually feel the damned fear that wouldn’t actually allow you to sleep very much throughout the time you were being held at the facility.

Then again, you were also doing your best to keep a level head the whole time. To keep yourself from spilling anything. To keep yourself sane.

Maybe it was the fact that you were finally in the comfort of your own home, in front of your partner no less, that made you feel comfortable enough to grab onto the bad feelings again, rather than to just force them down until they were too much for you.

Your eyes blurred Ezra out of focus due to the burning tears that bubbled up behind your eyelids. You screwed them both shut, and gulp with a shaky breath. Ezra furrowed his brow again - this time, however, they were pointed more upwards than downwards.

Still keeping his hands in the same places on your neck and cheek, he lifted his head from resting against yours and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, staying there for a couple seconds, just to linger. Mainly for his own comfort, to remind himself you were physically there with him, and also to remind you of that as well.

After that he wrapped you up in another hug, gentler this time. One you leaned into, your forehead coming to rest on his shoulder, near the crook of his neck. The hand on your cheek moved to the back of your head, lightly pressed into your hair, and his other hand on the side of your neck, just under your jawline and ear, moved to your back, pulling you forward for the hug that you graciously accepted.

He nudged his nose onto the crown of your head, placing another soft and comforting kiss there. “Took you that long to figure it out, huh?”, he murmured, voice soft with an air of humor. Just the slightest lilt to make things much less strenuous than they seemed.

“Shut up, Bridger”, you sniffed, lightly punching his arm, a chuckle spilling out between the both of you. The hug tightened just a little bit, the hand you punched Ezra’s arm with holding onto the sleeve of his orange jacket he always wore.

“Sorry, sorry”, he apologized, laying his cheek down on the top of your head. “Had to joke about this somehow, right?”

You let out a breathy laugh, followed by a sigh, quiet and exhausted. “Right…”

A silence fell over the two of you. Ezra let out a sigh through his nose a couple minutes into it. “You’re safe now, ok? You know that, right?”

The message was quiet, a soft mumble only meant for your ears. The tension in your own shoulders began to ease a little, much like his minutes beforehand.

Your arm moved from his jacket to around his neck again, pulling the hug even closer, just to be nearer to him. Just for more comfort. For your peace of mind to remind yourself that you’re home.

You’re safe.

You’re with Ezra.

Things are fine for now.

Everything will be alright for now.

Just for right now. Which is all you could ask for at that moment.

“I know.”, you mumbled back. You sigh out of relief, of being there with Ezra, in the comforting arms of home, in the surprisingly comforting metal rooms of home, deciding against breaking the hug for the time being.

Until Ezra broke it himself.

“Oh c’mon, Ez!”, you complained. “I was just getting comfortable, dude!”

“You were falling asleep on me”, he responded back, grabbing the rag he was using to clean off the dried blood from your injuries strewn about your skin. He stood up to get more water for it, along with a cooler ice-pack for the nasty bruise on your eye.

“Like I said, I was just getting comfortable!”

“You can get comfortable and sleep on my shoulder after I’m done taking care of your injuries - and after we’re sure you don’t have a concussion.”

“I’m pretty sure I don’t have a concussion.”

“I’m not convinced.”

You groan, leaning back on your arms as Ezra gathers the supplies you need from one of the medical kits that came from the medical crates you were supposed to get from your mission beforehand. “Stars, you’re just as stubborn as Chopper - like friend like droid, y’know?”, you say with a playful scoff.

Ezra laughed. It was less of a chuckle now, more genuine. Good. You liked it when he laughed. “I could say the same thing about you, y’know—“ you interrupted him with a indignant noise, absolutely appalled that he would ever compare your stubbornness to the astro-mech. You were the only one allowed to do that, how dare he?

“I’m not that stubborn—“

Another laugh bubbled out from Ezra, and you couldn’t help but smile at it. It was a noise that never failed to brighten your day, even in the darkest of hours.

A chuckle made it’s way out of your throat again as a smile pulled at the corners of your mouth, and you shook your head a little, the banter between you both continuing. Just like normal.

Just like home.

Maybe some things were definitely worth getting tortured over.

If you could keep the base safe, the Ghost safe, and Ezra safe, you’d do it all over again, no matter what.

You’d always protect your home from the Empire.

Even if your home wasn’t always protecting you.

[amiserableseriesofevents]

Wherever you find love (it feels like Christmas)

24 Clegan Christmas drabbles for 24 days!

Prompt from here (but randomized)

[Day 1] [Day 2] [Day 3] [Day 4] [Day 5] [Day 6] [Day 7] [Day 8] [Day 9] [Day 10]

[Read on AO3]

Day 11: Slippery

Such stuff-verse, wc 1232

All I want for Christmas is you is blasting from the skating ring’s sound system, colored neon lights reflecting on the shiny ice surface where a few other skaters are swirling around, laughing. Gale keeps staring at the ice, unconvinced, and instinctively fastens his skates a little more.

“You ok Buck?” John asks him from where he’s sitting right beside him, adjusting the clasps of his own skates. Gale nods, smiling reflexively. “Yeah, I’m good. Just making sure there are well tight. You good?”

“Sure Buck, as always!” John answers. It’s normal, Gale figures, since it’s been his idea to come here skating for their date.

They were walking by a few days ago, on a rare afternoon off for both of them, and when Gale noticed the ice rink he was surprised because it was the first time there was one in town, as far as he could remember. He pointed it out to John and of course the other’s reaction was to propose they’d go ice skating the following week for their weekly date outside the theatre, their newest tradition.

He sounded so excited about it, Gale didn’t have the heart to tell him he had no idea how to skate; he figured John knew it well enough for the both of them, that it would’ve been him teaching Gale how to do it — and he must admit it, however much he considers himself to be an independent person there’s something about the idea of trusting someone else, of holding their hand knowing they’ll keep you safe, that brings a flurry of butterflies to his stomach.

He pictured it in great details; his gloved hand in John’s, his reassuring voice in his ears telling him he’s doing good, his arms around him to keep him steady whenever he’d falter and risk to fall.

“C’mon, we don’t wanna waste our entire half hour here on the bench!” John says cheerfully, standing up on wobbly legs and for a split second Gale thinks maybe he should be worried about John’s knee, he should’ve asked if it was up to it, but then he figures John’s only insecure because he’s currently standing on thin metal blades on a carpeted pavement, and he’ll be right as rain on the actual ice. After all he grew up in Wisconsin, he must have skated on Lake Michigan every winter when he was a kid.

So Gale also stands up, immediately despising how uncertain he feels on his own legs, and grabs John’s hand to be guided outside on the ice.

The first step he takes over there risks being his very last one on Earth, his bladed foot slipping forward for him to keep up with it; Gale manages to regain some of his balance only because he’s squeezing John’s hand like a lifeline ad the other guy somehow keeps him steady, huffing when Gale’s back collides with his chest — nothing romantic about that, Gale thinks feeling himself furiously blush. “Sorry about that,” he says, gripping the railing with both hands and making a few more tentative steps on the shiny surface.

John follows, chuckling softly. “Don’t worry Buck, it happens to the best of us,” he says and Gale already feels a bit better, as always reassured by his boyfriend.

They start slowly, in single line and with their hands solidly gripping the cold handrail. Gale supposes John is giving him some time to adjust to the slippery surface beneath his feet and even if he can’t say it’s working, he’s glad he’s not pushing him.

At their third lap around the rink, his faith in his own feet hasn’t grown in the slightest and he’s starting to think something’s wrong.

“John,” he tries lightly. “I’m ok.”

“Good to know, Buck!” John responds from behind him, sounding maybe a tad annoyed.

“Are you ok?” Gale asks.

“Peachy!” John says, his voice telling Gale that’s all but true. With no little difficulty he stops, legs wide to maintain some balance, and turns his head to look at John; he’s gripping the handrail so tight Gale imagines his hands white knuckled inside his mittens, his face’s all red for the effort of keeping himself upright, and he looks every bit uncomfortable as Gale feels.

“You don’t have to slow yourself down for me,” Gale says, unsure if that’s really the problem. “You can go and leave me behind for a lap or two if you want to go faster, and then you can teach me.”

John looks puzzled. “Me? Teaching you?”

“Yeah, that’s why we’re here, aren’t we? Or you thought I was also good at it?” Gale asks, suddenly worried.

“Buck. You don’t know how to skate?” John asks back.

“What? Of course not, I’ve never done it before. Why?”

“Because! You were looking at the rink with such wonder when we came here last week, I figured you liked to skate and wanted to go back to it!”

Gale laughs, amused. “What? No, that wasn’t it! I was just surprised because I’ve been to this Christmas market every year since I moved here but there’s never been an ice rink. But it’s ok, you can teach me. I promise I won’t trip and make us both fall on our asses, or at least I’ll do my best not to.”

John looks more and more distraught as Gale continues to speak. “Buck,” he exclaims. “For fuck’s sake, I have no idea how to skate!”

“What?! But you’re from Wisconsin! I mean, isn’t ice hockey like your national sport?”

“Kinda, yeah, but in case you forgot I tore my fucking ACL when I was a kid and there was no more ice skating for me after that! It’s been fifteen years since the last time I set foot on the ice, Buck!”

“Then why did you suggest to come here for our date?!”

“Because! I thought you knew how to skate and I wanted you to teach me. It was so romantic in my mind, us holding hands as you told me how good I was, kissing under the falling snow…”

“This is an indoor rink,” Gale pointed out with a smirk.

“Whatever, Buck! Leave my fantasies alone,” John huffs, his cheeks now flushed with embarrassment instead of fatigue. Gale finds him utterly adorable, he’d kiss him if only he wasn’t sure he’d fall on his ass if he let go of the handrail.

“So neither of us knows how to skate,” he sums up. “And you’re also afraid you’re gonna fall on the ice and break something?”

“I’m terrified. And if something happens to my knee because I’ve been an idiot, my mum’s gonna kill me.”

“Well, that settles it. Let’s get back to the entrance, slowly, and let’s leave the skates behind,” Gale says.

“But our date,” John starts but Gale shakes his head. “There’s a cafeteria right there where they make the best hot chocolate I’ve ever had in my life, and I think we deserve at least two cups after what we’ve been through tonight. What d’you say?” He asks, offering John one of his gloved hands. John nods, smiling sheepishly and grabbing Gale’s hand.

“That’s why everyone says we need to work on our communicating skills,” he says as they slowly skate back, a laugh lingering in his tone. Gale can’t help but snort at that, shaking his head at their idiocy.

[amaramiyu]

My Legendborn Cycle Musings & Theories

May 2023 is when I first got into this series and I've been hooked ever since. I've read Legendborn and Bloodmarked at least twice and I have some thoughts about the books and series in general. So without further ado:

Spoilers ahead!

First of all, I'm glad I waited to make this post because recently more information has been revealed about the next upcoming book (Oathbound), and that instead of the series being a trilogy of books it'll be a tetralogy (4 part book series).

Oathbound

I strongly believe that the Shadow Court is definitely going to be unleashed that was part of the bargain Bree made with the Shadow King after all.

Vera’s warning to Bree at the end of Bloodmarked: “Chaos thrives on imbalance.” In Oathbound, is Bree going to become villainous or corrupted in some form? Since she doesn’t have her ancestors to balance or influence her since she closed the ancestral stream?

Since the third book is called Oathbound I wonder if this means oaths will be broken or removed. Obviously, Natasia's Kingsmage Oath to Martin Davis had to have been removed. Could the same thing happen possibly between Nick and Sel?

At the end of Bloodmarked, the main trio: Bree, Nick, and Sel have become separated. Since this is Bree's story first and foremost I think the book will still only be from Briana's point of view. I don't think we'll be getting multiple points of view. However, I'm not quite sure.

Selwyn Emrys Kane

There’s more to Selwyn Kane than meets the eye. One of the main themes in the Legendborn Cycle is ancestry and inheritance.

Theory 1: Erebus (the Shadow King) is Selwyn’s father. Erebus is described as a father-like figure towards Sel and he has a history and a clear fondness for Natasia (He knew where she was at the end of Bloodmarked). However, we know that the Order supposedly monitored Natasia closely while they ensured she gave birth to an heir. Obviously, since both her and Sel are powerful Merlins there must be more to discover about their bloodline. Also, it is mentioned how closely Sel resembles Merlin his ancestor not only in appearance but also in mannerisms. Sel is a prodigy and has the rare ability to transform into an Owl like his ancestor Merlin. Not to mention, the skill he used to craft aether constructs to hold Bree together after her injury which isn’t easy to do and most likely would’ve killed other Merlins attempting to do it.

Theory 2: Maybe Selwyn’s bloodline has ancestral ties to someone on the Shadow Court. 

Nicholas Martin Davis

He's going to be leading the faction of the Order that's still loyal to the Knights of the Round Table.

Maybe he'll continue to forge a further alliance with the Line of Morgaine. Nick will then be further exposed to how they live and maneuver outside of the Order. He is trying to find a solution to stop the Legendborn Cycle without the Scion of Arthur having to die. In Bloodmarked, he found something out but he didn't get to elaborate on it further.

In General

I think the relationship between Sel and William is underrated.

There’s still much we don’t know about Cambions and unions. So far, we know:

Full Demon + Human = Cambion

Human + Cambion = Cambion

But what about: Full Demon + Cambion = ?

Cambion + Cambion =  ?

Are these unions even possible or allowed and could they produce offspring?

On the cover of Bloodmarked, I think Bree is wearing the outfit that she wore during the Rite of Kings ceremony.

Valechaz is clearly enamored and fascinated with Bree and he's such a wildcard. Valec at times can also be hard to read. Will he be a friend or foe going forward?

This may be an unpopular opinion, but in terms of a TV series adaptation of the Legendborn Cycle, I would prefer that it be an animated TV series rather than a live-action series.

[starryknight-dragonarts]

Balen Gender: Male Background: Balen is a Vulvulta Vanis, known more commonly as Miragias, or Miragebolds. They are a little larger than Kobolds but still tiny compared to dragons, however unlike Kobolds who are smart as far as Animals go (Like a Monkey) these are an intelligent sapient race even if some dragons don't recognize them as such. They mostly dwell in hot Arid regions building burrow homes in the side of canyon and cliff walls with their thick digging claws. Miragias are also able to gain an elemental affinity through exposure to Lunar Magic despite not being very closely related to Tannin however they do not have the ability to control their elements and their elements are not as refined as Tannin Elements, so where a Tannin might get Fire or Lightning from the Waxing Gibbous, a Miragias will only get the power of Heat. They have also been known to vanish like a Mirage and in some rare cases of Miragias are also believed to have the power of Foresight but this has not been confirmed and many Dragons think they these claims are simply cons. Ballen is an Orphan who was on a family trip when his parents died. He doesn’t remember what happened to them just that they are dead. He’s far from his desert home. As a Miragias he is broadly disliked with the default assumption being they’ll try to scam you with their "prophecies" and Fortune Readings. Eventually he ran into another Orphan, a young Xerathian named Muse who took Ballen under her wing. Personality: Ballen is an intelligent dragon even from a young age. He’s aware if anyone is to believe his prophecies he needs to back them up. This has made him a massive math nerd to the point he makes up his own complex problems just to solve them. Everything is math after all, so any problem has some kind of solution if you can take the time to figure it out logically, although he has not figured out how to logic his way through most social situations. He tends to be more reserved and awkward around new dragons.

He has absolute faith in his fellow Orphan group: Muse, Apper and Azel Strengths: Intelligence, Stealthy, Foresight Weaknesses: Small, Physically weak, Anxiety Powers: Foresight, Vanishing, Toxin Affinity Stats Stamina: 4/10 He is physically weak and lacks very much magical prowess. Control: 8/10 Can see the foresee and predict events, and make hallucinogenic poisons. Intelligence: 9/10 He has foresight, as well as a great understanding of mathematics and psychology which allows him to understand and validate his predictions better than most Miragias Combat Ability: 1/10 He is very small compared to Dragons. He is not very strong or combative among Miragias and he might get a scratch on a bigger opponent but not much worse than that.

[trlvsn]

of course phoenix's second "first" case is helping the performer girl with the diamond-shaped earrings who forces smiles and sort of tricks him when they first meet. i mean. what else is there to say (i'm going to say a lot, this is a long post about the orca case and it's references to aa4)

i'm going to talk about sasha first, though, even if the similarities between her and trucy might be coincidental rather than intentional. here is a somewhat full list of them:

1. diamond-shaped earrings and a big hat they wear at all times

2. perform for an audience for a living and are genuinely passionate about it

3. the "smile during showtime" attitude being not only something they use on the clock, but a motto overall (buckler tries to keep a smile and cheer phoenix and athena up in the detention center: see image below list)

4. have a persona with a moustache that they use in their performances (see image below list)

5. their first encounter with phoenix is an unintentional deception on their part: trucy gives him forged evidence and buckler, well, doesn't tell him the client is technically an animal and isn't even considered to be someone who can be brought to court for a trial

6. phoenix chooses to help them out after a trial ends unexpectedly (zak dissapearing, buckler being accused)

7. does a dead "father figure" count? i feel like it might.

you get the idea. again, i'm not claiming this was intentional: i am simply pointing it out.

btw. you know what he does right after taking the orca case (accepting the "deception")?

he goes to the pub o'danger, a place totally different from the, oh, i don't know. the borsht bowl club. intentional or not, this is a nice blast from the past, because we get a lot of his beanix personality showing throughout the case. a good example is the bloody "trump card" he presents:

basically, a bloody piece of evidence that turns the case around and gives him a chance to prove the truth turns out to be not what it seems. this case is one of those very rare times aa5 doesn't completely erase phoenix's aa4 (and trilogy) personality, i think. just look at the way he starts straight up manipulating people at some points:

it's very much like beanix: well-intentioned and careful pressing of the right buttons. i enjoyed that a lot.

speaking of phoenix's personality, a thing he does a lot more than he used to is staying silent. his thinking sprite while he does that is one of the only aa5 ones that have traces of his aa4 self in it: he is looking to the side, relaxed, calmly examining everything he has so far. at a certain point in this trial, athena actually gets to scream "objection" before him. she says she heard it in his heart that he's not willing to give up yet, so she spoke for his heart instead.

honestly, athena is a walking metaphor for phoenix's badge in this case. athena and phoenix get frequently addressed as the blue and yellow duo by deplume, which you might as well call phoenix and his badge; phoenix wears his badge like one wears a heart on their sleeve, and this entire case is his journey of learning trust and hope again (but i will talk about that later for a nice conclusion).

the case also has a sub-plot of sorts: specifically, the TORPEDO system. oh, you know the one with the capital letter name that is illegal in japan but would actually help a lot and work really well and is introduced to us by some shady guy who we think is a criminal... what do you mean that's MASON. like a jar?

"but, in some cases, lives can be saved by breaking the law. do we simply allow the lives of our animals to be lost whole we wait for the laws to change?"

if aa5 actually had the jury system happening in the game, this would make so much more sense. unfortunately, i'm not sure if this was an intentional parallel, but i'm sure going to talk about it regardless. it's illegal means for the greater good, introduced to us by the guy we are totally meant to suspect and misinterpret as the audience, just like we are meant to be put off by beanix in aa4-1. we later learn that ms deplume is trying to change the law and make the system legal in japan, and dr. crab won't be getting into any serious trouble for it, too.

we honestly learn a lot of new information that contradicts our prejudices that the game purposefully creates. a lot of people in this case can be suspected even based on their design - ms deplume in her shady glasses and shady attitude, dr crab with his twenty-something dead girlfriend (wasn't actually, btw. purely platonic situation there, which is surprising for ace attorney) and actual motive, and, of course, rimes. turns out, for the first time in forever, none of them did it. wasn't a murder.

phoenix, though, like the player, has no choice but to suspect. he doubts, he recharges the magatama, he changes theories and he, at the end of it all, gets his faith and trust back by saying "hey, actually, rimes didn't do it, it was an accident", despite rimes staying silent. i honestly think rimes is a mirror of sorts for phoenix's character - the guy who is, at his core, tired of being too "weak" to help anyone, so he doesn't speak up much for himself, and isn't that what phoenix did in aa4?

phoenix didn't try to defend himself when the diary page was revealed to be forged. phoenix didn't try to defend himself seven years later, saying "maybe i did it, maybe i didn't". phoenix didn't even create the jury system to redeem himself.

how can ya trust a creature that can't speak, indeed.

in this trial, phoenix is the orca and is the rimes and is athena the fire and i am the forest and i am the witness watching it. he is defending the creature that can't speak, and the man that didn't mean for this to happen, and his own right to wear his badge. he loses his voice at times, but his heart speaks up. it takes him two trials to get back at his rightful place, the trial for orla and for buckler - just like it took the trial of aa4-1 and 4-4 to get justice. hope has returned, and no one did it, and you can trust them all.*

* - trusting them all really would make much more sense in the presence of the jury system. forever mourning her.

[prettyinlimegreenboots]

Taking Comfort (In Your Arms) - Chapter 18

May 4, 1945, 1030 Hours

The last three days had been utter bliss - her and John were rarely apart. Where you’d find one, often the other was right by their side. The hours were spent talking to her about the long days of the Stalag and the bitter cold of the winter march. She had told him, in more detail, the days prior to D-Day and the long hours of planning the missions. She also told him how utterly alone she was while he was gone and reaffirmed that without Rosie and Crosby, she shuddered to think where she would be.  The night after she told him that, he had brought Rosie and Crosby drinks, as his thanks for watching out for her in his absence. 

Now, she sat at a table at the near-empty mess hut, surrounded by her family. John was on her right side while Elizabeth was on her left, with Brady, much to John’s amusement on her other side. Across from them sat Anna, Charlie, and her father. Lacing her hand with John’s, she leaned forward giving her family a look. “Alright, where do we want to start? What are the plans after this is all said and done?” 

Leaning forward, her father looked at each of his children. “I’ve been requested to head back to Selfridge, so as soon as I’m ordered, I’m heading back there.” 

“We haven’t gotten orders yet, but we are going to need to make a pitstop in Wisconsin shortly after we arrive back in the US.” Addie added, looking over at John, squeezing his hand. 

Charlie looked over at Anna before addressing the table. “We both requested Selfridge, and it was granted, so we’ll head back there once things wrap up here.” 

Elizabeth smiled. “I’ve been transferred over to Honington to finish off my duty. I’ll be heading over there in two weeks to finish my enlistment. As for plans, I’m planning on heading back to New York with John to meet his family and figure out the next steps. Maybe I’ll head back to college or something, not sure longer-term plans”

“So, this is a long-term thing?” Addie looked between Brady and her sister with a grin. Elizabeth gave her sister a long look before shyly nodding. 

Addie smirked. “Good.” Pointing at Brady, she gave him a menacing look. “You take good care of my sister, Brady or your butt is mine.” 

Her father chuckled, shaking his head at his daughters. “Addie don’t go scaring the boy more. He’s already a bit scared of you.”

“Good, he should be.” Addie winked at him as John chuckled, shaking his head at his fiancée. 

“So Bucky, Brady, what do you want to do once the war is over?” Charlie asked, looking between the two pilots. 

Addie squeezed his hand, as John leaned back in his chair. “I’ve got a meeting with Jeffrey in an hour to discuss - he says he has a proposition for me but wouldn’t give me any indication, so it remains to be seen.” 

“And you, Brady?” Charlie looked over at Brady, who just smiled, still getting used to how the family operated, and Addie’s direct approach.  

Addie watched him squeeze Elizabeth’s hand as she watched the two of them closely. Elizabeth nodded at something before Brady looked at all of them. “I’m being transferred over to Honington to work with the 384th Fighter Group. Jeffrey gave me the opportunity and I took it. I’ll be heading over there in a few weeks to start training with them.” 

Addie looked over at her sister. “Is that why you’re going over to Honington too?”

“The Matron asked me if I wanted to stay or be discharged.” Elizabeth paused. “After talking with Brady, I decided to follow him to the base. We’ll see what happens, but the long-term plan is to come back to the US - just don’t know what the timeline looks like.” 

Elizabeth looked at her sister. “That leaves you, Adelaide. When’s your meeting?” 

“Right after John’s. Jeffrey said received a special request for me back in the states, so who knows what that means.” Addie shrugged, leaning back in her chair. “I’m actually excited to see what he has planned.”

“You’ll let us know what he says? Both of you?” Her father asked, raising an eyebrow, looking between John and Addie with a smile. 

Nodding, Addie smiled. “Yes. But John and I have one more request for you. Can you meet us in Charlie’s classroom at 1600 hours?”

“What for?” Charlie and Elizabeth looked at their sister curiously. 

Her eyes lit up, as John chuckled beside her. “Uhh, no. I’m not telling you anything. Just be there at 1600 hours - all will be revealed then.” 

“Not even a hint?” Her father asked, looking around the table. 

Shaking her head, Addie smiled. “Nope, just come ready to party.” Flipping her wrist over, she looked at the clock, before looking at John. “Shall we head up to the Tower?” 

John stood, offering her his hand, which she took before standing. “Oh, and before you ask, no one knows what’s happening so don’t bug anyone. Just be patient and all will be revealed at 1600 hours. Go outside and enjoy the sunshine - don’t be a menace around the base.” She gave each of her family member’s a look which they all chuckled at. 

With goodbyes, her and John headed out of the mess hut, swinging hands between them. John led her towards the tower with a chuckle. “You know, you just left them with more questions than prior to us meeting with them.”

“I know but I don’t want any hullabaloo with this.” She stopped, tugging on his hand, causing him to stop. “I want this, John. And if they really think about it, this won’t come as a surprise to anyone.” 

“You know we’re going to have to clue in Buck and Elizabeth.” He gave her a knowing look, as she nodded. 

“Yup.” She grinned. “Which is why Josie is going to be delivering a note to them to meet us at 1430 hours. We’ll give them an hour heads up then tell them they can’t tell anyone.” 

John laughed, leaning down to kiss her. “Love your devious mind, Addie.” 

“That’s not all you love, right?” She asked, throwing her arms around his shoulders, standing on her tiptoes, giving him another kiss. 

“Of course not, there’s many things I love about you, Addie.” He smiled. “And I cannot wait to marry you.” 

She smiled, reaching down to lace her hand with his, giving them a squeeze. “Come on. We shouldn’t keep Jeffrey waiting.” 

Squeezing his hand, she followed behind him, into the tower. Stopping at her desk, she picked up a few sheets of paper, flipping through them before looking at Josie. “Anyone in Jeffrey’s office?” 

“DeMarco is currently.” Josie bit her lip. “We’re waiting to see where he’s heading.” 

Addie smiled sympathetically. “Where are you heading, Josie? Dad, Charlie, and Anna are all heading back to Selfridge. Elizabeth and Brady are heading over to Honington.” 

“I’m waiting to see where Benny is heading.” She sighed, shaking her head. “Mom and dad both have asked me to come back to Selfridge but I don’t see that being the long-term option. We’ll see where Benny is headed before I make any decisions.” 

Addie walked over to her, giving her a side hug. “It’ll all work out, Jo. John and I are both waiting to see where we’re heading, though, Jeffrey said we were both specifically requested, who knows what that means.” 

“That probably means you two will be a package deal and going together wherever that might be.” Josie raised an eyebrow, grinning at her best friend. 

“Remains to be seen.” Addie whispered, just as the door to Jeffrey’s office opened and Benny walked out. As he passed her, she reached over and squeezed his shoulder. Joining John at her desk, she gave him a quick kiss and whispered ‘good luck’ before he ducked into Jeffrey’s office. 

Taking a seat at her desk, she quickly wrote out two notes, one to Buck and the other to Elizabeth, before sealing them in envelopes. Avoiding watching Josie and Benny talk, she looked down at the floor, smiling seeing Meatball sprawled out on the floor, sound asleep. 

Glancing up, she watched Benny place a sweet kiss on Josie’s lips before promising he’d see her later on. Just before he took off, he looked over at Addie. “See you later, Addie?” 

“Actually, can you both meet us in Charlie’s classroom at 1600 hours?” She asked, looking between him and Josie, as the two of them looked at one another. “Come ready to party.” 

Benny gave her a curious look before nodding. “Not sure what you have planned but yes, we can be there, Addie.” 

She nodded, grinning, turning back to her desk, shuffling papers around her desk. She heard the door shut before looking up at her grinning best friend. “What?” 

“What do you have up your sleeve, Ads?” Josie asked, raising an eyebrow, suspicious of her best friend not divulging more information. 

A shrug and a smirk were all Josie got. “You all will find out in due time. But can you do me a favor? Can you deliver these two notes to Buck and Elizabeth while I’m in my meeting with Jeffrey?” 

“Sure.” She accepted the two envelopes from Addie. “And if they have any questions?” 

“Just tell them their answers will be in that envelope.” Addie responded, just as Jeffrey’s door opened, John poked his head out with a big grin on his face. “Addie, can you come in here?” 

Quickly standing, she walked into the office, shutting the door behind him. Looking between a grinning John and an amused Jeffrey, Addie crossed her arms with an eyebrow raised. “Good afternoon, sir.” 

“Addie.” Jeffrey grinned, looking between the two pilots. “Egan was just filling me in on your plans for the afternoon. It’s good to hear.” 

“Thank you, sir. You’ll join us?” She asked, shaking her head at John’s excitement. 

Nodding, Jeffrey leaned back in his chair. “I wouldn’t miss it. Now, I wanted to call you in here because both of your next assignments kind of go hand-in-hand with one another. Addie, I got a call from Fort Leavenworth, specifically requesting you to be a flight instructor for new pilots. John, you’ve been reassigned to the general staff school at Fort Leavenworth along with becoming an instructor, so you two won’t be apart.” 

“They want me to train pilots?” She asked, partially amused and partially in disbelief. “Who put my name on that assignment?” 

Jeffrey chuckled, handing them each a slip of paper, with the details he had mentioned. “They heard about your ATA flying time along with missions you flew with the Army. And I heard Harding’s name was thrown in with that so you might want to reach out and thank him. Same, goes for you, Major Egan.” 

“And where is Fort Leavenworth?” Addie asked, racking her brain to figure out where it was located. 

“Kansas.” Jeffrey offered, looking between the two. 

Addie looked over at John, a grin tugging at her lips. “Can’t say Kansas was on my short list. How about you?” 

“Same.” John nodded, before turning his attention to Jeffrey. “When do we report?” 

Jeffrey flipped through the papers on his desk. “Depends on when the war is over. Tentatively, right now it is the beginning of August, but all depends on when the Germans officially surrender. You’ll get your official orders after the war is over. So, that’ll give you time to go back to Wisconsin and anywhere else you’ll need to go before reporting to Kansas. Your housing will be provided, so you’ll just need to show up when you’re required to. Any other questions?” 

“Not at the moment, sir. But reserve the right to ask more at a later date.” Addie said, as Jeffrey nodded. 

“I wouldn’t expect anything else from you, Captain Baker.” He spoke, chuckling. “Now, you’re dismissed. Go enjoy your afternoon.” 

Addie paused, giving him a look. “Do you need anything before I head out?” 

“No, Captain Baker.” He chuckled. “Don’t cause any trouble on my base. I’ll see you later.” 

Leaving his office, she sighed, taking a seat at her desk. Watching John drop to the seat in front of her desk, she raised an eyebrow at him. “Kansas - never saw that coming.” 

“Wasn’t Kansas one of your useless states?” John teased, leaning back in his chair. 

Shaking her head, she gave him a look. “Nope, that was the Dakotas and Wyoming, much to Buck’s chagrin. How are you feeling about this?” 

John smiled smugly. “As long as you’re by my side, I don’t care where we go. Hell, we could be stationed in the Dakotas and as long as you were there with me, I wouldn’t care. How are you feeling?” 

“Can’t believe I get to train pilots.” She shook her head, still in disbelief. “After all the hell with the ATAs, I get to go teach men how to fly planes. That’s crazy but going to be a lot of fun. And I get to come home to you every night, there’s no better thing.” 

John nodded, an easy smile on his face. “Sounds like our new life is slowly coming together. Now, what needs to be done for this afternoon?” 

“Josie is currently delivering Buck and Elizabeth notes letting them know to meet us at 1430 hours. You need to go let the men know they need to meet us at 1600 hours. Other than that, nothing. Everything else is sorted. You just need to show up, just like me.” She leaned forward giving him a smirk. 

“Not having cold feet?” He asked, pushing off his chair, walking around the desk, to crouch down beside her chair. He reached up, cupping her throat, thumb skimming her jaw. 

A bright smile crossed her face, as he gently tugged her closer, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. “They’re toasty warm. Are you?” 

“Nope, can’t wait to call you Mrs. John Egan.” He grinned, pressing another kiss to her lips. “I’ll see you later. I’ll be the one in the dress uniform, grinning brightly at you.” 

Kissing him once more, she sighed, happily. “I’ll be the one in the dress, probably teary-eyed but really excited to be Mrs. John Egan.” 

“Until then, beautiful.” He promised, pushing to a stand before heading out of the tower. Leaning back in her chair, she sighed. A Friday afternoon wedding and a plan to head to Kansas - her life with John Egan was slowly shaping up to be a great one. 

1430 Hours

Walking into Charlie’s classroom, hand-in-hand with John, Addie smiled seeing no tables and chairs set up on either side of a makeshift aisle. John whistled, nodding. “This place cleans up well. Will this do for an afternoon wedding?” 

Throwing her arms around John, she kissed him with a grin. “This is perfect. Looks great for our vows.” 

“You sure you don’t want to exchange vows in a church, Addie?” John was concerned she would regret the quick put together wedding they would have.

Shaking her head, she looked into his eyes. “I just want to marry you, John Egan. I don’t need a fancy church or a fancy wedding. We have a lot of memories on this base - it just feels right to do it here.  I just need you, a few close friends, and some family. Are you sure you don’t want your family here? We can wait.”

“All I need is you and these dodos I call my family.” He whispered, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her lips. “Future Mrs. John Egan.” 

A half laugh-half squeal escaped her mouth, just as the door opened. Buck held it open, allowing Elizabeth to step inside just before he did, the door slamming behind them. The two came to a stop just in front of Addie and John with curious looks on their faces. “Alright, you two, you ready to fess up to the secrecy?” 

Addie smirked at her sister. “Got your panties in a wad because you don’t know what’s going on, Lizzie?” 

“Yes then on top of all that, Buck and I both get secret notes saying to meet us here.” Elizabeth’s eyes went wide with a bit of anger and being upset. “What the hell is going on, Adelaide Marie?” 

John leaned over to Addie with a smirk. “You just got full named.” 

She backhanded him, shaking her head. “Alright, smartass.” Turning to look at Buck, she raised an eyebrow at him. “Anything you want to add before we clue you in?” 

Buck chuckled. “Just that it’s been hilarious watching the base trying to figure out what you’re hiding. You two pushed the base into a tizzy just by asking people to show up at 1600 hours.” 

“Glad you’re finding some entertainment in that, Buck.” Addie chuckled. “Alright, Lizzie, Buck, we’re bringing you in on our secret, which means you know nothing for the next hour and half, alright?” 

They both nodded, giving her a look. “Quit stalling, Addie. Just tell us.” 

“This afternoon, at 1600 hours, John and I are getting married. We’ve arranged it with Father Teska.” John grinned at his best friend and soon to be sister-in-law. “That’s our big secret. We wanted all of you to be here for it.” 

Buck nodded, grinning, reaching over to clasp John’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Excited for you two. What do you need us to do?” 

“Nothing, except stand by our sides? Be our best man and maid of honor?” Addie asked, looking between her sister and one of her best friends.

Elizabeth squealed, rushing forward to pull Addie into a hug. “Of course, like that’s even a question. Yes, yes, yes.” 

“Buck?” John asked, quietly. Buck just laughed, pulling Bucky into a hug with a laugh. 

“Of course. You promised to stand by my side when I marry, Marge, so it would be an honor to stand by your side as you marry, Addie.” Buck said, clapping Bucky on the back. 

Addie stepped out of Elizabeth’s hug before stepping up and hugging Buck. “Thank you for standing by us later on today.” 

“It was the simplest yes, Addie.” Buck said, pulling back, looking at his best friend. “You two deserve all the happiness in the world, so getting to be part of your wedding day, there’s no other place I’d rather be.” 

Nodding, she smiled at him. “Thank you, Buck.” 

Looking over at Elizabeth and John, she saw them having a similar moment together. Pulling back, Elizabeth caught her sister’s eye. “Oh crap, we have to get you ready for a wedding, Addie. Excuse us, gents. We’ll be back here at 1600 hours on the dot. Buck, can you make sure our father meets us at the door, just before 1600 hours?” 

“Of course.” Buck nodded. 

Addie stepped in front of John with a grin. Reaching up, she cupped his jaw, looking over his face. “I’ll see you soon, handsome. I’ll be the one in the dress, walking down the aisle towards you.” 

“I love you, Addie.” 

“Love you too, John.” 

1555 Hours

Pulling open the door to the hut, John entered, Buck trailing behind him. The noise around the room had quietened as he looked around, happy their friends had the decency to follow instructions. Though, if he was being honest, most of the men didn’t want to get on his soon to be wife’s bad side. His wife, a goofy smile crossed his lips as he thought about Addie as his wife. 

Walking up the makeshift aisle, he grinned at everyone he saw, giddy to see Addie walk up the aisle towards him at any moment. “What’s going on Bucky? Where’s Addie?” 

“If you all take your seats, all will be answered shortly. We’re just happy you’re here.” John grinned, watching Buck take his place just behind Bucky. 

The door opened again, causing everyone to look back. John grinned, seeing Elizabeth step forward with Father Teska as they walked down the aisle. He smirked seeing the makeshift bouquet in Elizabeth’s hand as she stepped off to the left side. 

Father Teska stepped up just in front of John and turned to the crowd. “Please rise.” 

Hearing music, John looked towards the back, where Brady was playing on the piano, a slow tune, to which Addie and her father walked down the aisle to. He grinned recognizing a slower version of “Blue Skies”. 

He let his eyes drift down, taking her in. Her hair was pulled up into an elegant updo. He saw her red lipstick as a smirk crossed his face - she didn’t wear it very often but secretly he loved it on her.  She was in a pretty light blue dress that looked to be borrowed, as he had never seen it before. Her eyes met his as she continued the slowest walk towards him. Her left arm was clutched in her father’s elbow, while her right had a beautiful wildflower bouquet, tied with a blue ribbon. Looking down, he saw Meatball on her other side, making sure his girl got safely down the aisle. 

“Dearly beloved, we gather here to witness the start of a marriage between John Clarence Egan and Adelaide Marie Baker. Who gives this woman to this man?” Father Teska asked, looking between Addie, her father, and John. 

“I do, along with her siblings.” Her father said, turning to Addie with a grin. He gently kissed her cheek, before turning to John and shaking his hand, before placing Addie’s hand in John’s. “Be good to one another.” 

Stepping back, he sat next to Charlie as Addie handed off her bouquet before joining hands with John, squeezing them gently. Addie looked at Meatball, motioning him to sit by her side. The audience chuckled watching the scene as John shook his head with a chuckle. 

“John and Adelaide will mark their transition as a couple not only by celebrating the love between themselves, but by also celebrating the love between all of us—including the love of their parents, siblings, extended family, and best friends. Without that love, today would be far less joyous.” Father Teska spoke eloquently, looking between the happy couple. 

Father Teska looked at John. “Do you, John, take Adelaide to your wife, to have to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, until parted by death?” 

Squeezing Addie’s hand, the grin on John’s face got wider. “I do.” 

“Do you, Adelaide, take John to your husband, to have to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, until parted by death?” 

Squeezing his hand, Addie sniffled with a smile. “I do.” 

“Now a ring is an unbroken circle, with ends that have been joined together, and it represents your union. It is a symbol of infinity, and of your infinite love. When you look at these rings on your hands, be reminded of this moment, your commitment, and the love you now feel for each other.” Father Teska looked at Buck first. “Gale, do you have the ring John has picked out for Addie?” 

Buck stepped forward, placing the ring on the Bible, before stepping back. “John, place the ring on Adelaide’s finger and repeat after me.”

Picking up the ring, John took a steady breath, locking eyes with Addie. “Adelaide, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love with the pledge: to love you today, tomorrow, always and forever.” He slid the ring on her finger, gently squeezing it. 

“Elizabeth, do you have the ring that Adelaide has picked out for John?” Father Teska asked, as Elizabeth stepped forward, placing it on the Bible. 

Picking up the ring, Adelaide took a breath, biting her lip to keep the tears at bay. “John, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love with the pledge: to love you today, tomorrow, always and forever.” She slid the ring on this finger, as he reached up and wiped away a stray tear. 

“Before these witnesses, you have pledged to be joined in marriage. You have now sealed this pledge with your wedding rings. By the authority vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. John, you may kiss your wife.” Father Teska said, stepping back. 

Grinning, John gently tugged Addie into his arms, before dipping her and kissing her. The noise in the hut rose with cheers from the audience as John steadied her before placing another gentle kiss on her lips. “I love you, Mrs. Egan.” 

A giddy smile crossed her lips as she looked up at her husband. “I love you too, Mr. Egan.” 

Grabbing her bouquet from Elizabeth, Addie gave her a thankful look. Stepping back, they faced their friends and family as Father Teska cleared his throat. “May I present, for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. John Egan.” 

Cheers rang out along with whistles that greeted them as they motioned for the group to be quiet. “We know it was very short notice but thank you all for attending our wedding. You all are our family, and we love each and every one of you.” 

“My beautiful wife said it much more eloquently than I could.” John said, wrapping an arm around her, tugging her closer to him. “I was just going to say that we love you dodos and happy you could help us celebrate. Now we hope you’ll join us in the officers' club for dinner, drinks and dancing.” 

Lacing their hands together, John led Addie towards the club with their friends trailing behind them. John looked over at his wife, the smiles not leaving either of their faces. “You good?” 

Nodding, Addie pushed a stray hair off her face. “Ask me in an hour after I have some food and a dance with you.” 

“Holding you to that, Bluebird.” He winked before standing beside her as they had a makeshift reception line, greeting all of their guests. 

The men gave them both hell for keeping the entire base on its toes with their secrecy. The women in attendance gushed how gorgeous their ceremony was and how perfect it was for the two of them. 

“Now this is a fiesta.” A familiar voice said as Addie's eyes went wide. 

Slightly pushing her husband to the side, the grin widened on Addie’s face as she took in the sight of her former CO. “Colonel Harding! What are you doing here?” 

“Heard there was a wedding between one of my favorite people and a pain in the butt.” He said coming up to the couple. “Just wanted to share my congratulations and wish you well on the next step in your journey.” 

Giving him a hug, Addie smiled. “I hope I’m the favorite person and he’s a pain in the butt. Not sure how you found out but we’re happy you’re here. Also, Kansas - of all the places we could’ve been sent, you picked Kansas for us.” 

“I mean I could’ve sent you to cold weather.” Harding gave her a look. “But figured you two ought to be on the same base - better not give your new CO a headache right off the bat.” 

John laughed at that, holding out his hand for Harding to shake. “We would’ve been fine in cold weather but thank you for everything. You kept an eye on Addie when I couldn’t do so.”

“Happy to do so.” He winked at the two of them. “I’ll see you two inside.” 

Addie looked up at John before pausing. “Wait, how did you know about this?” 

“Your dad gave me a call and said this was happening, he thought I’d like to be here.” Harding smiled, ducking into the officers' club. 

Shaking her head, Addie turned to her husband, giggling. “Figures we couldn’t pull one over on my dad. Nice to see him though.”

John hummed, squeezing her hand with a smile. “Let’s go inside and start this party.” 

Leading her inside, he placed a hand on her back as Elizabeth came up to them. “We have a special table for you right over there. So, go sit and we’ll bring dinner over.” 

Guiding Addie to the table, John pulled out her chair before taking his own. She put her bouquet in the mason jar that was on the table. Holding out his hand across the table, she slipped hers into his as he ran his thumb over the back of it. Sighing, she relaxed in her chair, eyes sweeping over him. “See something you like?”

Shaking her head at his wiggling eyebrows, Addie giggled. “You’re handsome, I don’t have to tell you that. I was just thinking - you made sure Elizabeth, and I had bouquets.” 

“Picked them myself and had Helen put them in your hut.” John grinned. “Didn’t want you not to have flowers when you walked down the aisle. I know we threw this together quickly, but you didn’t mention flowers.” 

Addie nodded, looking at her flowers. “I love them. Did you also arrange the music?” 

“No, I thought you did.” John looked at her confused, looking around at their friends who had found various places to sit. 

Watching Elizabeth make her way to their table with two glasses in her hand, Addie grinned. “I bet I know who arranged the music.” 

Elizabeth handed them their glasses - a whiskey for John and a Moscow mule for Addie. “Hey Elizabeth, did you arrange the music for me to walk down the aisle to?” 

“Of course. Couldn’t have you walk towards your future husband with no music. Figured “Blue Skies” was fitting for you to walk to.” Elizabeth winked at her sister and new brother. “You never mentioned what you picked so I figured you didn’t have anything picked out. My John was all too happy to play something.” 

Addie stood up and pulled her sister into a hug. “I feel like all I’ve said to you these last few days is thank you, but you’ve done so much for us and we really appreciate it.” 

“Happy to do so. Gotta make sure you had everything you wanted, despite the quickness of the wedding.” Elizabeth grinned. “Just wanted to make sure my baby sister was happy.” 

Addie grinned. “The happiest. Have fun tonight, Elizabeth.”

“I should be telling you that.” She grinned giving John and Addie a look. “Dinner will be served soon but how about you two have your first dance?” 

John stood, offering her his hand. “May I have this first dance?” 

Tugging her to a stand, he led her out on the makeshift dance floor as “Soon” by Bing Crosby started to play. Addie’s eyes flew to him as he smirked. “How?” 

“You mentioned that you love this song, and I thought it would be a good first dance song. I asked Elizabeth to make sure it was played when we first danced.” John explained, pulling her close as they swayed. 

One of his hands curled around her waist as the other grabbed her outstretched hand. Her free hand came up and rubbed her thumb along his jaw. “I love you, John. You’re already pretty good at this husband thing.” 

“I was just thinking the same about you, wife.” The way that word flowed off his tongue sent shivers down her back. A smirk crossed her face as she wrapped both arms around his shoulders tugging him closer, just as catcalls and hoots came from the crowd. 

The two were lost in their own little world as they shuffled around the dance floor. When the song was over, Addie didn’t lessen her hold on him as the next song started to play. He kissed her as they continued to twirl around the dance floor. “Love you, Addie.” 

“Love you too, John.” She grinned up at him, as the song came to an end. “Let’s go eat then we can mingle and dance with everyone.” 

Elizabeth met them at the table with plates full of food. She winked at them, setting down the plates before leaving them alone. The two spoke in whispers and their feet played footsie as they ate. Taking a sip of her drink, Addie’s eyes scanned the area as a smile crossed her face. She saw Elizabeth sitting by Brady’s side, an arm thrown around his shoulder as they sat across from Charlie and Anna, both grinning brightly.  She saw her dad walk towards her with a grin on his face. “John, mind if I borrow Addie for a bit?” 

John sat back in his chair with a grin, motioning them to the dance floor. Addie accepted her dad’s hand as he pulled her to a stand, leading her to the dance floor. Wrapping an arm around her dad’s shoulder, she looked at him. “How are you doing, dad?” 

“I should be asking you that, Addie.” He chuckled, spinning her. “You’ve had a whirlwind day. But I’m doing alright. Happy that the end of the war is in sight. You know you look like your mother on our wedding day.” 

Addie shook her head. “I’m right there with you. It’s been a day but I’m so happy with John, dad. He’s a good man. And thank you, dad. I’ve been thinking about her today.” 

“I wouldn’t have given him my blessing if I didn’t think that.” Her dad gave her a look. “You two will have a happy life together, no matter where you end up.” 

Addie smiled. “Well, they’re sending us to Kansas. I’m going to be training pilots, and John will be an instructor at the general school. But we’re going to be together.” 

“Training pilots? Huh, how about that.” Her dad mused, smiling. “And you thought your training was done when you got kicked out of the ATAs, now look at you, heading to Kansas to train pilots. They’re not going to know what to do with you.” 

She giggled. “Going to show those boys that a girl can fly a plane just as well as them, if not better.” 

“You have made me so proud to be your father, Addie.” He said, twirling her again. “No matter where you and John end up, you’re going to do great things. And know this, you’ll always have a home in Michigan.” 

Leaning up, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks, dad. You’ll have to come visit up in Kansas - see me in action, training those men.”

After a promise to her to visit them, he left her on the dance floor just as Charlie came up and swept her into his arms. “I see that you and dad planned that.” 

“Had to make sure I got my dance with the bride.” Charlie smiled. “If I didn’t say so earlier, you look just like mom. She would have been so excited for you and John, today.” 

Tears crowded her eyes as she reached up and smacked him. “Thanks, jerk. I was doing really well without crying today and you broke that streak.” 

“Just had to make sure you knew that.” He twirled her around, winking as he caught Anna’s eyes. 

She looked up at her big brother. “John and I got our orders - Fort Leavenworth in Kansas. I’ll be training pilots, and John will be an instructor at the general school.” 

“That’s great, Addie. You’ll be great at that, and you’ll whip those men into shape.” Charlie smiled. “Proud of you and you’ll be great at it. And John will be great doing whatever he’ll be doing.” 

Addie laughed at that. “He’ll be stylish while doing it, in any case. I’m excited for you too, Charlie. It’ll be nice for you and Anna to be in Michigan alongside dad.” 

“Don’t forget us when you set up a life in Kansas. You have an open invitation in Michigan, anytime.” Charlie gave her a look. “Don’t be a stranger, Addie.” 

She shook her head. “Never, Charlie. I’ll make sure I write to all of you so much that you become sick of me.” 

The song ended before she made her way towards the bar for another drink. Bellying up to the bar, she motioned to the barkeep with a grin as Josie and DeMarco joined her. “DeMarco, Josie, having a good time?” 

“You put on a hell of a shindig, Addie.” DeMarco quipped, taking a sip of his whiskey as Josie giggled from his side. 

The barkeep stopped by, giving them all a look. “Can I get a Moscow Mule?” She paused, turning to Josie and DeMarco. “You two need anything?” 

They both shook their heads, as the barkeep started making her drink. “I appreciate the shindig comment - was hoping it would turn out alright. But I’ve learned that all these boys need is a couple of drinks, some music, and friends. And this is the perfect way to celebrate our wedding.” 

Josie swung her arm around Addie’s waist, tugging her closer to her. “I’m so happy for you, Addie. You and John are going to have a very happy life together. Where are you going to end up after this war?” 

“John and I are both heading to Fort Leavenworth in Kansas.” Addie smirked, watching the barkeep set her drink down. “I’m going to be training pilots while John is an instructor and whatever at the general school. It’ll be a change from merry ole England that’s for sure.” 

Josie and DeMarco both laughed. “Kansas? That’s probably the last place you would have picked?” 

“No, that’s for sure.” Addie agreed. “Honestly, I thought we’d get back to Michigan or Wisconsin, not Kansas. All I can say is thankfully it’s not one of the useless states that I teased Buck about.” 

They all shared a laugh at that. Addie took a sip of her drink, giving them both a look. “And where are you both heading?” 

“Eglin Air Force Base - it’s near Destin, Florida.” DeMarco said, grinning at Josie. “I’m indifferent but Josie is quite excited for Florida.” 

Addie grinned at them. “Can’t say I’ve been to Florida. Might have to make a pitstop there before we end up in Kansas. When do you have to report?” 

“Beginning of August but it all depends on the official end of the war.” Josie traded a glance with DeMarco. “But we’re probably going to make a stop in New York and Michigan along the way to see both of our families.” 

Taking another sip of her drink, Addie nodded at them. “I’m happy for you both. Glad you two get to be together.” 

“Thank you, Addie. When do you and John have to report to Kansas?” DeMarco asked, taking a sip of his drink, as Josie snuggled under his arm with a bright smile on her face. 

“August - enough time to go back to Wisconsin and maybe stop in Michigan before heading to Kansas. Maybe we’ll cross paths along the way.” A new voice bellied up to the bar, joining them. Addie looked over, her grin widening when she saw her husband standing there, motioning to the barkeep for another whiskey. 

“Bucky.” DeMarco raised his glass in a silent toast as John raised his new full glass back at him. “You’ve done good, and I hear congratulations are in order, not just for the wedding but for Kansas. Heard your wife is going to train pilots while you’re going to be an instructor. Quite a start to the post-war life you were envisioning in the stalag.” 

John’s arm curled around Addie, pulling her closer to him, holding his glass up for DeMarco to clink. “You’re right, my friend. Here’s to the start of a wonderful post-war life.” 

A yawn escaped Addie’s mouth as she rested her head against John’s shoulder. “I want another dance with you, husband, before this night is up.” 

“Your wish is my command.” He whispered, giving her a wink, which made her giggle. “But before I do that, Buck wanted a moment of your time.” 

Addie picked her head up to scan the room. “And when did he become too shy to come ask me himself?” 

“Buck doesn’t have a shy bone in his body.” John chuckled. “He got caught up talking to Rosie, Blakely, and Douglass. Why don’t you head over there?” 

Leaning up, she pressed a kiss to his lips, winking before taking her leave, drink in her hand. Walking through the tables, there were a few congratulations called in her direction as she greeted everyone and thanked them for coming. Continuing to make her way across the room, she collapsed into the extra chair very unladylike, which caused the four men to chuckle at her. “You always knew how to make an entrance, Addie.” 

“You try making it clear across the room, without a single interruption, then come talk to me, Blakely.” She huffed, taking a sip of her drink before plastering a smile on her face. 

Rosie chuckled, shaking his head at his friend’s dramatics. “You’re the bride, Addie. You didn’t think you would be able to make it through today without being the center of attention, did you?” 

“Well, I had hoped that this fiesta would take some of that attention off me.” She grinned, settling back into her chair. “But I see that it didn't go quite as I planned.” 

Buck chuckled, finishing off his drink. “Always the planner, Addie.” 

“Trying to be but Kansas may change that for me. It’ll be exciting to see either way.” Her eyes scanned the room, before looking at the four men suspiciously. “John said you were looking for me, Buck. And you four together usually spells trouble for me.” 

Buck gave her a big smile, causing her to roll her eyes and shake her head. “Aww, you wound me, Addie. I was hoping to steal a dance from you before you headed out.” 

“And trouble? There’s no trouble here - just good friends talking about next steps in our careers. We’re all heading to different places.” Rosie smoothly said, taking a sip of his drink.

Standing up, she placed her drink on the table, giving Buck a look. “Smooth, gentlemen, that’s what you all are. Buck, would you like to dance with me now?” 

“I’d love to, Mrs. Egan.” Placing his drink on the table, he stood, taking her hand, leading her to the dance floor. Pulling her into his arms, he gave her a look.

She got a funny look on her face. “First time I’ve been called that.” 

“I’m sure you can still kick our asses, Addie, even as a married woman.” Buck chuckled, twirling her. 

“Damn right, Buck.” She winked, propping her chin on his shoulder. “And don’t you ever forget that, either. You should remind the rest of those dodos too.” 

 “So, Kansas, huh?” 

“Yeah, apparently Harding had a hand in it and pulled some strings so I’ll be training new pilots to fly. John will be an instructor of some kind.” She sighed, as he twirled her. “But I can’t imagine not seeing you or any of our other friends every day. It’s been fun being back here on base with everyone.” 

Buck chuckled. “You may not see us every day, but that doesn’t mean we won’t still be in contact. You know, Marge’s family lives in Kansas so I’m sure we’ll be there quite often.” 

Addie’s eyes lit up at that tidbit. “You know, you’ll always have a place to stay with us. And we’d love you to visit as often as you and Marge would like.” 

“Thanks Addie. Bucky offered the same earlier when we talked.” Buck’s voice spoke in her ear as she looked at him.

“Where have you been stationed, Buck?” 

Twirling her, he gave her a look. “Boston - I’ll be doing some training there. Thinking of going back to school to finish my degree.” 

“Good for you, Buck. Hmm, I’ll add it to the places to come visit - never been to Boston before. DeMarco and Josie are heading to Florida, my sister and Brady will be staying here for a bit, and dad’s heading back to Michigan.” She murmured, as she sighed. “Promise me, you won’t be a stranger, Buck. Not just for my sake, but Bucky’s too.” 

He chuckled. “As if you would be able to get rid of me, Addie. We’ll keep in touch and I’m sure your husband will contact me to get together several times a year.” 

“Of that, I have no doubt.” She smiled. “Where’s Marge these days? Wyoming or Kansas?” 

Buck’s grin grew at the mention of his fiancée. “She’s been in Kansas, visiting her folks but she’s heading back to Wyoming to get the house ready to sell. I sent her the telegram and got one back this morning, letting me know how excited she is for me to come home.” 

“I’m sure she cannot wait to see you, Buck.” She glanced over his shoulder at where John and Charlie stood at the bar, talking. John looked up to catch her eye and winked, causing a giddy smile to cross her lips. “I knew the feeling she’s feeling quite well. Be prepared for her not to let you out of her sight for the first few weeks.” 

He chuckled. “Looking forward to it honestly. It’ll be good to go home, marry her then start our lives together.” 

“Let us know when and where the wedding is.” She gave him a look, promising in her next words. “We’ll make the trek out.” 

Buck nodded. “Let’s see how fast we get home from here. Have you heard any updates on that?” 

“Since the war is still going on, nothing. I’m sure you’ll know the moment I know, though I have a feeling it’ll be in the coming days, if what Jeffrey’s said the other day is any indication.” She sighed. “Just want it to be over. It’s been a long two years since you boys came over. I think we’re all ready to go home.” 

Buck sighed, nodding. “It’s been a long two years. Would you do anything differently?” 

“Maybe not get kicked out of the ATAs.” She chuckled, then paused. “Actually, if I was still in the ATAs, I most likely wouldn’t have met all of you. So no, I wouldn’t change a thing. Would you?” 

“Didn’t expect to get shot down but it would’ve been a lot harder without Bucky by my side.” He whispered, giving her side a squeeze. “And you of course.” 

Chuckling, she shook her head, levity in his words hitting her harder than she cared to admit. “Can’t forget the epic Daffodil moment you and I shared.” 

“Ahh of course.” He laughed. “You’re going to have to say goodbye to her.” 

Sobering up, Addie nodded. “But not yet. Maybe I can go up with her for one last ride before we head home. It’s going to be weird to say goodbye to merry old England.” 

“But it’ll be good to say hello to the USA - I’m sure a lot has changed, and we get to plan out our future and the rest of our lives.” Buck murmured, quietly. 

Nodding, Addie attempted to smile at that. “I haven’t been in the US in 3 years . . . probably wouldn’t even recognize it. Kinda glad I’m not going back to Michigan, if I’m being honest. There are too many memories there.” 

“Bucky mentioned that you faced your ex-fiancé.” Buck smirked, shaking his head. “Bucky was awfully proud of you when he was telling me that story.” 

Shaking her head, she stepped back from him as the song came to an end. “Bunch of gossiping old biddies, the two of you.” 

“You love us.” Buck shot back, as Addie threw an arm around his shoulder, tugging him closer to her. 

“That, I do, Buck.” She grinned brightly, dragging Buck off the dance floor and over to where John stood against the bar. Addie leveled him with a look, bellying up next to him.  “You look amused.” 

John chuckled. “Just watching you two bicker like children on the dance floor.” 

“He was telling me that you told him the story about me seeing my ex-fiancé. I told him you two were like two old gossiping biddies.” Addie gave her husband a look. “You two gossip more than any other two men I know on this base.” 

John and Buck both laughed. “Well, what else are we supposed to do around here?” 

“I can think of plenty of things, including helping me clean out my office when the time comes.” She grinned, looking between the two of them, before a yawn escaped her mouth. “Take me for one more spin around the dance floor, John before we head out.” 

Grabbing her hand, he twirled her before pulling her close to him, as they stepped out onto the dance floor. Wrapping one arm around her back, while the other held her hand, he started to gently sway them in time to the music. “You’ve made me the happiest man alive, Addie. And I know that sounds so incredibly sentimental, but it’s the absolute truth.” 

She looked up at him, pushed a lock of hair from his forehead with a grin. “You’ve made me the happiest woman alive, John. And I’m so happy we get to spend the rest of our days together. We can forge our own path.” 

“There’s no one else I’d rather spend my days with.” John leaned in and kissed her. “I love you, Addie.” 

“Not as much as I love you, John.” 

Chapter 18 is in the books. There will be one more chapter that will include an epilogue. After that, I'll start posting the extra bits that had to be cut. If there's anything you'd like to see, send me a message or drop a comment.

Chapter 19

[inawickedlittletown]

You Can Find Me Where the Skies are Blue (BuckTommy fic) - 4/7

Summary:

Soulmates are rare. So rare that it's actually incredible that Buck has two soulmate couples in his life. Statistics tell him it's very unlikely for him to meet his soulmate. Of course, then he meets Tommy. Too bad it happens at the worst possible moment.

Canon compliant soulmate AU where Buck is still a mess and Tommy is still very understanding.

Words: 4,716

Ao3

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

-

Part Four

Eddie’s Chevelle was gorgeous. Old cars just had something about them that gave them so much more character than anything more modern. She was in good condition, too, had probably spent little time out in the sun or other weather. Tommy was more than a little impressed. 

He had Eddie drive her into the garage and right onto the lift even if he didn’t intend to lift her up just yet. Instead, he opened the hood. Eddie joined him. 

“Car’s in great condition,” Tommy said. 

“My Abuela kept it mostly in the garage with a cover. It actually belonged to my Abuelo and she couldn’t get rid of it. But once she decided to move back to Texas, she figured it was time and passed it to me.” 

“I’m gonna take a quick look,” Tommy said. “See if I find anything that needs work.”

“Sure,” Eddie said, and when Tommy looked away from the car found that Eddie had started to wander. 

Tommy didn’t mind. His garage doubled as his home gym and he was sure that a guy like Eddie might appreciate his set up from his mats to the bench press and his weights to the punching bag that Tommy had added most recently. 

“I gotta say, you really got a nice set up here,” Eddie said, returning to where Tommy was tinkering with the car. “I’ve always wanted to do something at my place but I really don’t have the space.”

Eddie wasn’t wrong that the Chevelle needed a little bit of a tune up, but it really was in good condition. Whatever Eddie had been doing, he’d been keeping up with the maintenance. 

“I got kind of tired of going to an actual gym,” Tommy said. “Between this and what we have at work I get all the exercise I need. Of course, there’s no machine or punching bag that can take the place of a real person for sparring.” 

That seemed to catch Eddie’s interest. “Wait, do you do MMA?” 

“Muay Thai,” Tommy supplied. 

Eddie grinned at him. “I think you just found a sparring partner.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Absolutely,” Eddie said. 

Tommy felt his excitement too. 

By the time that Eddie left, his car’s engine sounded better than it had when it arrived and Tommy was left behind just a little bit sweatier with the satisfaction of having taken Eddie down. The singular thing that brought him down was knowing that Evan had yet to answer his text. 

Tommy didn’t want to be pushy. He didn’t want to overwhelm Evan. He figured he’d give him until the start of his shift and then text him again. If that failed, then there was always Wednesday night. 

Before Eddie left, Tommy had made a point of inviting him out to the bar for karaoke night. He had also made a point of insisting that Eddie invite Hen and Chim and of course Evan and even Bobby if Bobby could be persuaded to show up. Significant others welcome too. It’d be nice to see everyone again of course, but his real goal was Evan. In that setting, Tommy would find some way to get him off to the side and then they could really talk or make plans to talk. Whatever worked, The point was seeing him again and Tommy was not above making it happen in a roundabout way. 

Eddie had been happy to agree and he’d also gotten Tommy to agree to go with him to a pick up basketball game that some firefighters had put together. Tommy figured it’d be fun. 

After a shower to wash off the sweat, Tommy finally dealt with Lucy, calling her because that seemed a lot easier. 

She picked up after one ring. “Evan Buckley,” she said. 

“Yeah. Evan Buckley.”

Lucy laughed. “I’m actually…the more I’ve thought about it the more I kinda see it. I just had no idea Buck swung that way. Not that it ever came up. He had a girlfriend when I worked with him. That chick that wrote that book about firefighters that kinda blew up for a minute.” 

Tommy could picture the book in his mind. He remembered it because it had been literally everywhere. Someone had even brought a few copies into Harbor. There was still some kind of ongoing legal battle about it from LAFD’s end which was kinda hilarious. 

“He dated that woman?” Tommy asked. 

“Yeah…I know,” Lucy said. “I don’t think even he liked her very much. I mean…he kinda cheated on her.” 

“And you know this how?” Tommy asked. His heart was racing. 

“Because on the night I met Buck we got really drunk of tequila and maybe we got a bit flirty and he never told me he had a girlfriend and I kissed him. I wanted…well, I wanted you to know. We never really talked about it and it never happened again.” 

“Did you want it to?” 

Lucy let out a sigh. “Yes. No. He’s hot, can you blame me? The point is he never pursued it and I backed off. And we were really drunk. And now he’s your soulmate.” 

“And he’s straight,” Tommy said. “Might mean you still have a shot.” He hated the words even as he said them. 

Maybe it was a result of being deep in the closet and not getting to experience any real firsts until his late twenties — and even then it hadn’t been out in the open — but Tommy had never gotten good at telling when someone was queer unless they were being very loud about it. He’d always been a little shocked when approached by a guy that clocked him because Tommy didn’t think he ever really gave that vibe. So, he really had no idea when it came to Evan. Except that he was his soulmate. 

“You don’t know that,” Lucy said. “Just because he’s only been with women in the past…”

“Soulmates are not always romantic,” Tommy said. 

“You don’t know that,” Lucy said. 

“Lucy,” Tommy said. “That’s…no, just look at the numbers. There are plenty of platonic soulmates. If that is what Evan and I are then that’s fine too. I’ve been realizing lately just how lonely I really am.” 

It was true. Between not having anyone to really tell about finding his soulmate and finding so much enjoyment in hanging out with Eddie and the way that he did feel a little bit like he’d missed out on something when he left the 118, Tommy had realized that he had sort of settled for being on his own. It wasn’t that he hated it, but it did get lonely. He knew Evan would change that — they were soulmates after all — it was just that Tommy didn’t want to put all of that on Evan. The pressure of meaning absolutely everything. 

“However this turns out,” Lucy said, “I got your back, Kinard.” 

—

Buck spent the first hour on shift trying his hardest to keep from asking Eddie about how the night before had gone with Tommy. He’d seen the text from Tommy when he woke up that morning, had felt warm reading it and realizing that Tommy really was interested in getting to know him and yet he hadn’t known what to text back. As rude as it felt to just leave it, he figured he would respond sometime during the day and that Tommy would just have to wait. Maybe it was a little bit petty too, but Buck didn’t care. 

When he saw Eddie in the locker room he almost asked then, but held himself back. He was grateful to Ravi asking Chim questions about the wedding. It had also kept Hen from making any comments, though Buck had caught her making eyes at him a few times once they were all up on the loft like she was trying to communicate to Buck that they should talk. 

When he couldn’t hold it in any longer, they were on a call. It was only him, Eddie, and Ravi because Hen and Chim had gone as an additional RA to another scene. It felt like the right time and place to bring it up. 

“Uh. Hey, you never said. How was Vegas?” Buck ventured to ask. 

“Quick trip,” Eddie said as if it was the type of thing that he did normally when Buck knew for a fact it wasn’t.

“I’ll bet. How long does it take to chopper there?” 

“One hour,” Eddie said.

“You took a chopper to Vegas?” Ravi asked. 

“And how was the fight?” Buck asked, ignoring Ravi. 

“Fight was okay. Seats were amazing. Tommy’s buddies with the promoter so we were ringside. Felt like I was the one throwing the punches.” 

Maybe it would have been fun to be there, but it really wasn’t Buck’s thing. He didn’t see the appeal to watching two people try to pummel each other. 

“Who’s Tommy?” he heard Ravi ask. 

My soulmate, Buck wanted to answer. He held it in. He felt a bit foolish maybe or embarrassed that he hadn’t told Eddie. Not that they’d had any time to talk lately. He didn’t want to just drop the information while walking into a restaurant for a call that dispatch hadn’t been sure wasn’t a prank. 

As it turned out, it wasn’t a prank. They called it in to dispatch even though the restaurant manager had already called the police. Ravi had gone down there and Buck wanted to continue the conversation. 

“I’m not surprised you had a great time in Vegas,” Buck ventured. “You and Tommy have a lot of things in common. Both in the Army. Both like watching half naked men pummel each other.”

As he listed it, it also dawned on him that he and Tommy didn’t have those things in common and maybe not even other things. He knew, logically, that people could have different interests. Buck and Eddie were good friends and they weren’t into the same things. Chim and Maddie had their own hobbies too. And though he could have very long discussions about cosmic things revolving black holes and time dilation and why exactly Pluto wasn’t a planet with Karen, Hen tended to just tune them out. Still, it left something of a bad taste in his mouth to know that Eddie and Tommy had bonded that much when he hadn’t even gotten a chance. 

“Tommy’s pretty cool,” Eddie said. “It’s been a while since I met someone who can go toe to toe with me in muay thai.” 

That caught Buck short. How many times had Eddie hung out with Tommy? They did all meet the same night right? He wasn’t crazy to feel like things weren’t adding up. He hated the way that it twisted at his gut, how it made him feel uncomfortable. 

“Uh, you guys went to muay thai together?” 

“He’s got a set up in his garage. We sparred a bit when I took the Chevelle over.” 

“You…you took the Chevelle over?” Buck asked and he hoped his voice didn’t give away his feelings. 

Eddie had even gone over to Tommy’s? When had Eddie even had the time? It had barely been a whole week since they met Tommy. 

“Yeah, he’s got a car lift. The guy really knows his engines. You should hear that thing purr now.” 

Buck had seen the Chevelle all of twice since Eddie took custody of it. It was a beautiful car, well preserved for its age. He’d sat in the passenger seat while Eddie drove them around and while he’d appreciated the car, it hadn’t really held his interest. He’d never been much of a car guy. 

After his Jeep was flooded during the hurricane, he’d just gone through the process of replacing it through insurance. He hadn’t even thought about getting a different car. He only really had a Jeep in the first place since Maddie had given him her Jeep as a way to escape their parents. That car had gotten him pretty far until Buck sold it and used the money to travel down to South America. When he moved back and needed a car, he’d just figured a Jeep would do and he’d stuck to that ever since. 

They checked in with Ravi, and Buck was so glad that he wasn’t the one down there, though maybe it would have been preferable to talking to Eddie about Tommy. 

“Well, listen, I — I think it’s great,” Buck said and maybe it was. He did want his best friend and his soulmate to get along. “You know, you can’t have enough friends right?” 

“Right,” Eddie said. “You know, it’s like that thing when you meet somebody and you just click. You know what I mean? Kinda like the soulmate thing. You meet someone and you just know you want them in your life or however it is that works.”

Buck felt like his stomach give a turn. 

“I do,” Buck said. “I really do.” 

The feeling in his stomach, the churning and twisting intensified. He knew exactly what it felt like, the instant connection that Eddie was talking about and it was so much more than the bond between two people that had similar hobbies. It didn’t change that Buck downright hated it. How dare Eddie just swoop in and become more interesting to Buck’s own soulmate? 

“So, when do you think you’ll see him again?” Buck ventured to ask, hoping that Eddie didn’t already have plans with Tommy. 

“He’s got this Karaoke bar trivia thing on Wednesday,” Eddie said. 

Buck saw an opening. He was ready to invite himself along. The words were ready, but Eddie spoke first. 

“Hey, what are you doing Wednesday?” Eddie asked and Buck felt hopeful because if Eddie invited him along then he and Tommy could possibly get some time to talk. It’d be perfect. 

“Me? Uh, yeah, no I’m free. Totally free Wednesday.” 

“Do you think you could watch Christopher for me?” 

Disappointment hit him almost exactly like the guy they were rescuing had been hit. A car driving too fast with a driver too irresponsible to accept consequences. Eddie was the driver and he’d just swept Buck into a sewer. When he agreed, it felt like resignation. This was Buck’s role…the babysitter while Eddie went out and had fun with Buck’s very own soulmate. He knew that if he said something about Tommy being his soulmate that Eddie would back off, but Buck didn’t want that. He didn’t want to get to Tommy because Eddie canceled their plans not to mention that he didn’t want to tell Eddie this way. 

When they got back to the 118, Buck didn’t stick around to talk to Eddie. He found Bobby cooking and after the weeks where he’d been gone on that cruise, it was a very welcome sight. This was where Bobby belonged. 

“You alright, Buck?” Bobby asked. 

Of course he could tell that something was up. It was something of Bobby’s superpower. One of the things that made him an amazing Captain and maybe what had drawn Buck to open up to him. 

“What do you think about soulmates?” Buck asked. 

“Soulmates,” Bobby said. “I guess it isn’t something we’ve ever discussed. What brings this on?” 

“Just…I guess I was thinking about it. Was, uh, wondering what you thought about it.”

“Is this another one of your late night research things?” Bobby asked with an amused smile. 

Buck shrugged. “I guess it’s just interesting…like the idea that two people could ever just fit that well together. I was reading about Plato’s Symposium because that’s one of the earliest things we have about explaining it even though there’s so many records that were kept about people meeting their soulmates. It’s why there can even be a claim about how fewer soulmate meetings there are. In the Symposium, Aristophane explains love and soulmates like the gods splitting souls in half as a punishment for humanity. So we walk around trying to find the other half of our souls to then finally become complete.”

“That’s interesting,” Bobby said. “It’s a little mythical. A story.” 

“Well, yeah,” Buck said, “but soulmates are real even if only a portion of the population ever manages to find their soulmates.”

Bobby nodded, thoughtfully. “There are stories within every culture and within many religions. Some people put more meaning to it, but I don’t think not being soulmates with someone devalues that relationship.”

“I know,” Buck said. “You and Athena…it’s amazing.”

“It isn’t perfect,” Bobby said. “All relationships need work. Even when you are soulmates. What else did you find?” 

Research was what he did when he was worrying about something. Information was everything to Buck. He loved talking about the things he found and everyone at the 118 had been subjected to Buck’s info dumps. Sometimes, if relevant, he could even bring things up during calls. 

“Well, I started to look at platonic soulmates,” Buck said. 

Bobby looked a bit taken aback. “Platonic soulmates,” he repeated. 

“Yeah,” Buck said, letting out a nervous breath. “Most of them are same sex soulmates. Which I think is a bit of historical erasure to keep everything heterosexual. But I guess it does happen. There are a few these days that say they’re platonic…I just wondered about it like how if you find your soulmate, there is no way any other relationship could ever mean as much, could it?” 

Bobby smiled at him. “I think every friendship and every relationship is different for everyone, Buck. We each have a lot of love to give.”

“Yeah,” Buck said. 

“I guess think about it like this,” Bobby said, “Chimney and Maddie are soulmates and things haven’t been perfect for them. They love each other. They also both love Jee and the love they each hold for their daughter is not diminished because they are soulmates. So yes, maybe it is possible that someone can find their soulmate and still lead a romantic relationship with someone else.”

Buck hadn’t thought about it that way. He realized it was different. A parent’s love was different, but Bobby did have a point. Somehow he still felt just a little strange at the thought that Tommy could be his soulmate and still have a girlfriend or a wife…that Buck could do the same. Something about it felt wrong, he just had no idea why. 

“Why is it you’re worrying about this?” Bobby asked. 

Bobby really did know him too well. It wasn’t that Buck hadn’t intended to tell Bobby, it was that he was still trying to figure it all out for himself. But maybe that was part of the problem, Buck needed to communicate more. 

“I met my soulmate, Bobby,” Buck said. 

“Buck, that’s great,” Bobby said. 

“I don’t know,” Buck said. “I thought so at first, but I just…it’s a dude and I mean, this has to be platonic, right? I’m not…I love women. Not that it even matters maybe because he’s busy hanging out with someone else.” 

“Ah,” Bobby said. “It’s still a good thing, Buck. You found your soulmate…whatever that looks like for the two of you, I’m happy for you.” 

“Thanks, Bobby. I just hate not knowing.” 

“Not knowing?” 

“We’ve barely talked. I just want…I guess I just want all of this to be figured out already.” 

Bobby chuckled. “Buck, you know by now that nothing works like that.” 

Buck sighed. He dropped his head. “This should be the easy thing, though, shouldn’t it be?” 

“Eventually it might very well be.” 

Buck wanted nothing more than to hold onto that. 

—

Wednesday night, Tommy took a little longer than usual getting ready. He went through a few different shirts until finally settling on a blue henley, threw on a brown leather jacket over it and touched up his hair. He hoped he didn’t look like he was trying too hard. It was just that things hadn’t exactly gone right the first time he and Evan got together after their first meeting. His fault entirely. Looking back, Tommy should have pushed that meeting to a day when he didn’t already have plans even if it meant waiting a little longer to see him.  

Eddie had never confirmed whether Evan was coming, but when they texted earlier, Tommy had reiterated that Eddie should invite Evan, Hen, and Chim along. Eddie had only sent back a thumbs up, but Tommy was hopeful. After all, he had finally gotten a response from Evan. 

Evan: Thank you for the message. I hope we can get that beer soon whenever you’re not busy. 

Tommy took it to mean that maybe Evan was coming along with Eddie, but that he didn’t want to say it outright. So, he took a bit of extra time on his appearance and then he left for the bar a bit on the early side. He was excited, not nervous. 

Tommy had thought about inviting Lucy along, especially since she already knew everyone. Except that she would be a menace when it came to him and Evan and neither of them needed that. Hen knew about it, he had yet to text her back after her message of congratulations but maybe that was another reason to see her in person. Tommy was also pretty sure that Eddie had no idea. Since Chim hadn’t reached out, it also figured it was unlikely that he was aware. Tommy did find it a little curious that despite Eddie claiming to be Evan’s best friend, Evan hadn’t told him about finding his soulmate. 

Wednesday nights with the karaoke aspects meant that the bar was a little busier. The girl setting up the karaoke machine already had her sign up sheet out and a few people had signed up to sing. Tommy didn’t know if he would. He wasn’t exactly the best singer, but that wasn’t the point of karaoke and it had never stopped him in the past. It was just that…well, he didn’t want to make an ass of himself in front of Evan. 

Eddie arrived some fifteen minutes later, completely on his own. 

“Hey, man,” he said and they bumped fists before Eddie sat down. “Didn’t get a drink yet? I’ll get us a couple of beers.” 

“Uh, sure,” Tommy said and he didn’t pretend that he didn’t look towards the door to see if Evan would walk in. He perked up every time the door opened, but it wasn’t anyone from the 118. 

When Eddie got back, he had two bottles in hand and the waitress behind him brought over two shots of some yellow looking liquid. 

“Courage to get us singing,” Eddie said with a grin. 

After the waitress left they lifted the shot glasses and downed them in one. Whatever Eddie had picked, it was both sweet and very very alcoholic. Tommy coughed afterwards and he thought that Eddie’s eyes were watering. 

“What was that?” 

“No idea,” Eddie said. “It had a funny name.” 

Tommy laughed. “Next time, stick to vodka or rum.” 

“Not tequila?” 

“I can’t say I’m a fan of the aftermath.” 

Eddie laughed. 

Tommy gave it some time. Eddie started telling him about the call they’d had the day before with a guy needing to be rescued from the sewer. Tommy had missed the weird and crazy things that you got called to as a firefighter or paramedic. As a pilot, he spent more time flying than doing any of the rescuing and sometimes he did miss being part of the action instead of just being a part of the transport. 

“Hey, is anyone else coming?” Tommy asked when enough time had gone by. 

“Oh. Hen and Karen are taking in a foster kid soon so they had a meeting with someone. Chim is busy with wedding planning.” 

“And what about Evan?” 

“Buck? Oh…he’s actually watching Christopher.” 

It took a moment for it to sink in. Eddie was taking a gulp of his drink and his attention was on the stage where the mic was being set up. Lights shone down in multiple colors. Any minute now they would start with the first on the list. There was a small crowd gathering over the folder that held the list of songs available. 

Evan wasn’t coming. 

Tommy was more than a little disappointed. 

Evan wasn’t coming because Eddie had him babysitting his kid. Tommy didn’t want to be there anymore. The whole night…it felt pointless. He’d gone through so many shirts for the possibility of seeing Evan and even though Eddie had never said he was coming, Tommy had sort of told himself that of course Evan would. He’d wanted to see Hen and Chim too, maybe not as much as Evan, but he had definitely wanted to see them. 

There was one other thing, though. Tommy knew he couldn’t blame Eddie…it was just that with the other day and the fight he had no idea what this might look like to Evan. 

“Did Evan know this was why he’s babysitting?” Tommy asked. “Us going out tonight?” 

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “I mentioned it. He was happy to babysit. Didn’t have anything else going on.” 

Eddie was absolutely clueless. 

Evan’s text from earlier suddenly had an entirely different connotation and Tommy knew he had a choice. He could stay and hang out with Eddie and spend the whole night thinking about Evan…or he could fix it. 

“I really was looking forward to seeing everyone,” Tommy said. “That's why I suggested this in the first place.” 

“Oh,” Eddie said. 

“In fact, there is someone that I actually really do have to see tonight. Right now, in fact.” 

“What are you talking about?” Eddie asked. 

Tommy didn’t know how Evan would feel about it, but it was his truth to tell as well. So, he looked straight at Eddie. 

“I met my soulmate and I need to see him tonight.” 

“You met your soulmate,” Eddie said, awe in his voice. “That’s awesome. So why are you here right now? Hell, if I’d met my soulmate I wouldn’t be out with anyone else.” 

Tommy chuckled. “Because I was counting on him being here.”

“Him,” Eddie said and Tommy could see his mind trying to fixate that to what he knew about Tommy. 

“Yes. Is that a problem, Eddie?” 

“No,” Eddie said immediately. “No. Of course not. I just didn’t realize you were…gay? Bi?”

“Gay,” Tommy said. 

Eddie nodded. “Alright. Yeah, no problem with that.” 

Tommy sighed. He didn’t want to correct Eddie on what Tommy’s soulmate bond might be, but he did like how easily Eddie just took Tommy coming out to him. 

“So I need you to do me a favor, Eddie.” 

“Yeah, anything,” Eddie said. “Though I don’t know how I can help.” 

Tommy chuckled. “I need you to drive us to your house.”

“Tommy that—”

“I just need you to drive us or give me your address so I can take an uber there.” 

“But why do you need to go to my house?” 

Tommy just stared at him. Eddie raised his bottle to his lips and he was drinking when it seemed to start to click. Tommy didn’t have time for it, though. 

“We need to go to your house so you can stay with your kid and I can talk to Evan,” Tommy said

Eddie still didn’t seem to connect the dots. “Why would you need to talk to Buck?” 

“Maybe because Evan is my soulmate,” Tommy said. “And when I asked you to invite him and the others tonight it was so that I could talk to him. But now he’s babysitting and I’m hanging out with you. So I need to talk to Evan,” 

As Eddie finally came to the right conclusion. His mouth opening into an “oh” of surprise. 

“You see, I’ve kinda left him before to hang out with you so…”

“So you gotta talk to Buck,” Eddie said. 

Eddie took care of their tab and meanwhile two skinny girls had made it onto the stage as the first ones to take on a song. They were giggling nervously, clearly not drunk enough yet. He and Eddie walked out of the bar as the first notes were starting. 

“Wait,” Eddie said once they were in the parking lot. 

“Yes?” 

“But Buck isn’t gay,” Eddie said. 

Tommy could have face palmed. 

-

Part Five

[beastren]

∞ Arisen & Pawn Character Introductions

original template by @arisenreborn :D

♛ THE ARISEN:

NAME: Nimh AGE: 23 RACE: Half-elf PRONOUNS: She/her PREFERRED VOCATION: Warfarer FAVORED GIFTS: Gems, things to make food with, particularly (princess) harspuds. FAMILY: Elf father, human mother.

POSITIVE TRAITS: Brave, hard-working, largely unconcerned with things she deems trivial, so it helps her have a good sense of drive/focus, but can also make her some across as uncaring. NEGATIVE TRAITS: Rash, reckless, impulsive, particularly in high-pressure moments, like if Lir gets downed. Easily frustrated. LIKES: Goats, books, small creeks. DISLIKES: The cold. Glyndwr. She doesn't have the best impression of elves in general, but also not the worst. Medusas.

1. What was their life like before becoming Arisen?

She lived on a small farm with her parents until she was about 16, when she decided to start traveling and doing odd jobs around Vermund, which is how she ended up as a sell-sword in Melve when the dragon attacked. Her family lived a decent bit away from any settlement, although they would go into the nearest towns to shop and trade every so often. She didn't have many friends because of this, so she took up reading from a young age, and it was her main hobby, aside from helping on the farm, which she did genuinely love.

2. How do they handle being Arisen, and the responsibilities that come with it?

She handles it pretty well, at the beginning, after she's gotten her memories back. The point where she didn't have them was quite rough though, and of course it gets rough later on when more things start feeling at stake. In the AU where she brings about the Unmoored World it's a bit horrifying, it's the absolute worst thing she could've ever imagined and the only things that get her through are the urge to set thing's right and Lir's determination.

3. What are their thoughts on Pawns in general?

Just fine! Not good or bad, and both before and after becoming an arisen she was inclined to see them as Just People, albeit with a bit more nuance later on.

4. What's their relationship like with their main Pawn?

Complicated and simple at the same time. Due to her love of books as a child, particularly tales of knights and princes, Lir was born from an idealized image of those figures. While he was made for her to fall in love with and be a crutch/wish fulfillment in a way, she also always struggled with attachment and attraction to men. It's not that she wasn't, but it happened very rarely. So between that, and also how convoluted, intense and unique the bond between arisen and main pawn can be, she spends a lot of time figuring out what might be projection or miss-attributed feelings. She does come to very much genuinely love him for him though, throughout their journey. More on this in Lir's paragraph on his feelings for Nimh and how he's changed.

5. Do they have any interest in being Sovran? What are their opinions on the politics of the world in general?

No interest in it at all smh.... She's definitely just handing the responsibility off to Sven lol. She was happy in her late teens/early 20's to be away from home and the farm, but as she goes through her journey as Arisen she finds herself longing for it again more than anything. So she really hopes Sven would also be willing to fund her getting a little farm of her own somewhere.... Maybe she could renovate those couple destroyed buildings overrun by saurians by the fields of Vernworth.... As she'd also hate to be too far from people again.

6. Who are their love interest(s) and/or closest friends?

Wilhelmina is her love interest, aside from Lir.... Wilhelmina kissing her to save her from the guards was her bi awakening lol. As for close friends, she gets along well with Menella and Brant. She likes to visit Waldhar too, as he becomes a great supply of books and is someone she can talk about them to. She likes hanging out with Ulrika and Fyoran when she visits Harve as well. Beren as well, and although she doesn't spend much time with him, he's one of the only people she truly feels she won't be judged for being quiet around.

7. What drew them to their preferred vocation? Do they have history with it?

She hates being limited (read: not being able to reach areas), so always being able to pull out a staff and levitate, or to pull out a magick bow to shoot enemies out of the sky or hit multiple targets is something she quickly finds she can't go back from once she has it. Though she usually equips all 4 of her skill slots with skills from one vocation anyway, mainly mystic spearhand and occasionally thief.

8. Do they have any hobbies? Any way of relaxing between all that monster-slaying and traveling?

Reading!! But also she at least does very much enjoy camping and making good food for everyone, especially finding ways to go above and beyond the default slab of meat. Maybe THIS is her secret to getting Lir to be so strong.... She also likes petting and playing with farm animals. She will often wander out into the fields outside of Vernworth to do this....

♟︎ THE PAWN:

NAME: Lir AGE: 24 RACE: Beastren PRONOUNS: He/him PREFERRED VOCATION: Warrior FAVORED GIFTS: Berries, delicately but pleasantly fragranced soaps. Handmade things and kind gestures in general. INCLINATION: Kindhearted

POSITIVE TRAITS: Kind, strong, loyal and sweet. NEGATIVE TRAITS: Self-sacrificing, can be a bit clueless. Clumsy around deep water. LIKES: Shallow water and baths, hot springs.... He enjoys traveling and seeing interesting sights but there's nothing better than a warm comfortable bed. DISLIKES: Deep water and the brine.... Dragonsplague....

1. What was their life like prior to being summoned by their Arisen?

Nothing much to note here! Just a foggy consciousness in the rift.... Nimh is his first and only arisen!

2. What is their opinion on the Arisen? How do they view their relationship?

He looks up to her a lot, before anything else. At first he's quite compelled by Nimh's will and her projection of it, as his arisen, onto him, and sort of loves her blindly for a while. But even at the start, part of his awe and wonder towards her is certainly genuine. More on this in the "how have they changed" section below.

3. Is there anything about the Arisen they find troublesome? Be it a small quirk or bad habit? (Or are they obviously flawless?)

He holds her in too high of a regard to think of any of her traits as too much of a flaw, but if he had to say some things, it'd be her recklessness when worrying over him, but also her difficulty at times with communication. Although they work together very well in battle, and there is a certain amount Lir can kind of just Sense off of her, there was a period in the middle of their journey (about the time they reached Battahl) where the two grew rather distant. Largely because Nimh was having difficulties sorting through her feelings for both Lir and Wilhelmina, and also just struggling as enemies got harsher in Battahl. This lead her to neglecting him a bit and just not talking to him about anything she was going through, which Lir would've absolutely preferred and believes would've saved them a lot of trouble. They do eventually have a breaking point where they work things out and grow closer than ever before.

4. What is their specialization and is there any story behind how they cultivated that skill set?

Chirurgeon!! He was a Logistician at first, but Nimh wold get frustrated at him crafting salubrious draught all the time before she could wait for fruit to ripen and dry to make roborant.... She decided to channel his affinity for curatives and his kindhearted nature into a specialization where he could look out for their party more directly.

5. Do they have any thoughts on the politics of the world and their place in it as a Pawn - or how Pawns are treated?

Lir can be very sensitive to it, feeling lots of grief at the ways pawns get mistreated in Battahl. It's extra odd for him being a beastren pawn as well.... But part of him does understand why they feel that way considering dragonsplauge, but it hurts nonetheless. He wants to be hopeful since Nadinia seems open-minded, but he wonders how much of what Phaesus does she truly knows about.

6. Does their journey with the Arisen change them in any significant way and how?

During the rough patch between Nimh and Lir, he starts to gain his own will bit by bit. At first this and the general circumstances do draw them apart, but Lir takes the time to ponder and sort out his own genuine, developing feelings. It's hard to sort out and get rid of Nimh's will completely, so things continue to be complicated, but Nimh is very wary of this and that isn't lost on Lir. He doesn't ever bring his feelings up directly for quite a long time because of this, although he does keep up his sweet manner of speech full of admiration as it is kind of second nature by now, albeit with a bit more Meaning. To keep the rest of this short, in one AU Lir, Nimh and Wilhelmina all end up happily together, retired at their farm with Sven as sovran. In another, they decide to bitter-sweetly part ways after everything so Lir can travel and become truly his own self. And there's also the unmoored world AU ofc.

7. Is there a reason they chose their preferred vocation?

In game he comments on this a lot lol, he loves being a warrior. Sometimes he even asks to be a warrior WHILE he's a warrior. Initially he was a fighter, influenced by Nimh's vision of a princely knight. But he felt a little stagnant after reaching max rank so they had him try out warrior and he just instantly thrived, he felt a lot more helpful/capable/powerful too, so it just stuck!!

8. Do they have any hobbies or preferred past-times?

Hmmm, that's hard.... He's rather go with the flow so he can be happy chilling and doing whatever, like watching the clouds or the stars.... But I could see him having a journal/scrapbook or something!! I'm sure he gets into a lot of stuff in the AU where he sets out on his own but i'd have to ponder it more.... Kind of related, but he would help re-braid Nimh's hair often and got quite good at it, on top of it being quite relaxing to him.... Hairstylist....

[being-of-rain]

My blog tells me that I finished reading The Adventuress of Henrietta Street around 4 years ago. That was around the time that I finished uni (and the pandemic happened) and I just stopped reading novels. Before then, I was reading the EDAs on-and-off all throughout high school and university, and got around 70% of the way through them. It's a really important series to me for a whole number of personal reasons.

So I'm really very happy to say that I finally finished a new EDA! 🎉🎉🎉 My first, shortlived attempt at Mad Dogs and Englishmen was 4 years ago, but now I've finished it! Here's hoping many more EDAs follow it. And the rest of my massive to-read list.

Mad Dogs and Englishmen was classic Paul Magrs, so it was good that I went in expecting none of it to make a whole lot of sense. Magrs really does like focusing on aesthetics, meta-commentary, and sometimes emotions over realism or strong plot logic. I really don't mind those kind of focuses, but I much prefer them with some grounding in realistic emotions and a coherent plot, which is why I'm not sure Magrs is quite as high in my list of favourite Who authors as other EU fans. I appreciate what he does with his stories, they're just not my favourite. For example, in this novel a bunch of seemingly normal clay figurines come to life for, unless I'm forgetting something, no reason at all. It's a cool sequence, but not really much more. Then the monsters lead to the kinda awful death of a minor character because the protagonists... ignored him? Forgot about him? And the novel brushes past that pretty quickly. So yeah when I read a Magrs novel, I just need to switch off my mind's logic (including, sometimes, emotional logic) and just enjoy the ride.

But having said all that, I did enjoy the ride quite a lot! Definitely more than The Blue Angel, which I remember dragged a little for me. Mad Dogs, on the other hand, really held my attention, especially when I got to the point where the Tardis team had split up on their own adventures, and all three of them were equally entertaining (A rare EDA achievement!) It's always a joy for Iris to turn up, though I wish she could've been in more of the book, and Fitz's reaction to figuring her out was so entertaining. Also, does Iris' new body in this book make her one of the first Time Lords(ish) in any media to change skin colour? Just two months before Don Warrington made his first appearance as Rassilon (It's always fun to figure out what the comics and audios were doing at the same time as the novel I'm up to.)

Anyway, the premise of the Doctor and his team investigating the various stages of a novel's adaptation into a movie to find out how and why it was temporally interfered with to turn it into propaganda for another planet's politics is fantastic. Noel Coward having such a large part in the plot was a little surprising but fun. It's interesting how Anji still feels like she doesn't quite fit this life after 10 novels now, the poor girl. And the infamous scenes where the Tardis team are stripped naked, collared, and made to crawl around by dogs, and only Anji is at all upset about that is hilarious (That just happened to be the bit I was up to when my girlfriend asked me to read aloud to her to help her fall asleep. She ended up asking me to stop because what I was reading was 'too interesting' for her to sleep to 😂)

[lonelywretchjervistetch]

My DC Cinematic Universe: Superman (Epilogue)

Epilogue: My Adventures with Superman

...Well, holy shit. Just when I was getting worried that nobody would get Superman, along comes one of the best comic-book related products we've seen in years, which delivers me so much of the stuff I wanted in a cinematic version of Superman...and is almost perfect. Yeah, it's definitely not perfect, but goddamn if this isn't one of my ideal versions of Superman.

Y'know, I've considered doing sort of a sum-up of the different major adaptations of the Superman mythos by bringing together all the points made in my essays, but I felt it was too much. For this, however, I think that makes sense. And yes, I'm doing this after only 4 episodes have aired, and yes, I realize that what just happened in the most recent episode is fucking insane and something I desperately want in a Superman story...but I'll at least cover my personal approach, since this show's kinda hot right now. And rarely do I have the chance to jump on a burgeoning fandom, so FUCK IT!

If you'd like to see my previous and insane essays on my preferred version of the Man of Steel, here's the link! Always. Be. Plugging. But if you'd rather hear my opinion of My Adventures with Superman, then check out the section after the jump. But just know that I like it, with a couple of caveats that you've probably already heard about this show.

Clark Kent: Abnormal Superman

Um...did somebody read my essays before I even thought about them, because this is pretty goddamn close to my ideal Clark Kent. He's a big ol' dork with a heart of god who wants to do the right thing, but is also nowhere near perfect in his everyday life and methods. He's a teensy bit clumsy, but still very well-put together. He wants to help when and how he can, and is willing to go along with shenanigans to do so. He has an actual personality, and most importantly, he feels human.

Yeah, this is a dude from Kansas who also happens to be an alien. And good goddamn, is scaling down his powers and knowledge of his past a great idea. Smallville, of course, did this, but that version of Clark was often too serious and rough around the edges. And maybe most importantly, Tom Welling's Clark never seemed like an outcast. I mean, the dude was handsome as all fuck, and built like a linebacker. And yet, I'm supposed to buy that the guy is a loser and outcast? Yeah, no, not buying it. But this Clark? Yeah, the guy's a massive dork. Handsome and built like a fucking freight train, yeah, but still a dork. And maybe most importantly...I don't buy this dude as Superman.

Yeah. Really. I mean, dude is OBVIOUSLY Superman, because he's built like a tank and super nice, but I get not fully seeing this guy as Superman. Somehow, FUCKING SOMEHOW, they pull this off better than literally any other version I've seen since the Christopher Reeves version. And yeah, that's insanely high praise, because Reeves has some of the best dichotomous acting I've ever seen. But this Superman and this Clark both seem like the same person and separate people at the same time somehow. It's an impressive feat that I can barely explain.

And yet...they're still definitely the same person. Any sane person would be able to figure it out eventually, with enough personal interaction. It's one of the reasons why the glasses joke exists, because it really shouldn't make much sense. But in this series, the glasses actually change the shape of his pace, and slight changes in his posture and voice (by the pretty great Jack Quaid) actually do work as a subtle mask for the character. But will that last forever? Well...more on that later.

I also said this before, but I love the fact that we're learning about Clark and his powers as he's learning about himself. This series is obviously anime-inspired, and it really leans into the shonen angle thematically and visually. When the first art for this show came out, I was intrigued but cautious. Now, though, I'm into it. We'll see how the more anime-esque electrical powers work out, but it actually seems like a reference to the sporadically used bioelectric field manipulation ability that Superman has in the comics. Yeah, he has a field of bioelectricity around his body that provides him (and his costume) with invulnerability, and also occasionally gives him plot-convenience powers. Don't ask questions, OK? It's a comic book thing.

Speaking of that, though, the creators are definitely playing fast and loose with the Superman mythos, and I'm interested to see exactly how that plays out as the series continues. I'm a little cautious for reasons to be addressed later, but I'm still quite interested. So, now that we've covered Superman, whom I think is fantastic in his characterization...let's get to the character who I think is excellently represented in this series.

Lois Lane: Intrepid (Intern) Reporter

Jesus Christ, this is a great Lois. There are a lot of ways you can do a good Lois, and there are a number of great Loises, but MAWS' Lois ranks extremely high on that list. Dogged to the point of recklessness, determined to get the truth at all costs, and desperate to be a great reporter, she has the stuff that makes any great Lois. But what really puts her over the edge for me is her characterization. Alice Lee does a fantastic job as Lois' voice, and gives her a mix of naivete, determination, and...oddly, hope. I dunno, there's something about Lee's portrayal that really works for me.

And a lot of people have pointed out two things. One, she's basically Lux from The Owl House. Yeah. And? Fucking and? Luz is a fantastic character in her own right, and very Lois Lane-esque. Personally, I think that's a great and worthy comparison for any version of Luz. Secondly, she's a tomboy. And I think most people on Tumblr are fine with that, but I also see some criticism for that choice. And for those who don't like that...fuck off a little bit. Not a lot, but a little bit. There's nothing wrong with a slightly more tomboyish Lois, and I actually adore a Lois who isn't a damsel in distress all the time. She literally fights some of the bad guys in this series, and we're only four episodes in! Seriously, I love that. And she is occasionally in distress, but she gets into that shit herself, which is exactly what Lois Lane is supposed to do. Look, I love this Lois. Oh, and another thing!

Is Lois Korean? Holy shit, that's fantastic! I said in my second essay that Lois is one of those characters who isn't racially bound in any way. There, I suggested that she could be played by a Latina, which has been hinted at before in some comics. But honestly, this is a great choice! And I only say Korean because, in the most recent episode, she appears to be wearing the top half of a hanbok, which is a traditionally Korean dress. And yeah, I'm fully here for it. Don't know if she's mixed or not (we'll probably see Sam Lane at a later date), but this is great all on its own.

And then, there's the other thing: Lois' position as Superman's Inevitable Love Interest. The ILE is, of course, a tradition in all things superhero comic, and Lois is arguably the first and most famous of all ILEs. Like Thanos before her, she is truly inevitable, and that seems to be at the center of this series. Oh, and at this point...sort of SPOILERS AHEAD??? I mean, come on, this was obviously gonna happen.

By the end of episode 4, these two are clearly romantically interested in each other. Hell, by the end of episode 1, these two are interested in each other. And can I just say that's they're hands fucking down the most adorable Clark and Lois I've ever fucking seen? I mean it, they're the best version of this couple in live-action media, and I can actually see them becoming the comic book versions of that couple.

As a quick compare and contrast of the most notable versions:

Reeves and Kidder were great, but the movies never actually committed in having them be a couple. They actively made sure it wouldn't happen a couple of times, to much irritation, and their relationship never truly blossomed, which was based on the comics at the time.

Fuck Dean Cain...but Cain and Hatcher were pretty good as a couple, pre-and-post-marriage. Which, again, was a part of comics at the time, so it makes sense. Even then, I wouldn't call them particularly cute, just more of a relatively normal couple.

Don't get me wrong, I love Daly and Durance's animated versions of the two...but they never actually became a couple until the very end of Superman: The Animated Series. And we only saw them as Lois and Superman, not Lois and Clark. So, sadly, they don't rank.

Welling and Durance were...off-and-on. Funnily enough, their appearance as this version of the couple in the Arrowverse crossovers was probably better than any other appearance they had, and their appearances in the 10th season were genuinely quite nice. High up there as the best version, and one of my favorites.

Hoechlin and Tulloch are, in my opinion, the best married version of the characters. They honestly nail it, and their chemistry is pretty much perfect. Their versions of the characters still rank pretty high as some of the best, and they're even better as a couple.

Routh and Bosworth...moving on...

Cavill and Adams...well...I mean...they have some chemistry, and...they've definitely had sex. Um. Yeah. That's it. Whoooooo.

O'Connell and Romjin are a little-remembered animated version of the two, and not the only animated version of the two, either. But honestly, they're really good in The Death of Superman and Reign of the Supermen, and were my favorite animated version of them as a couple...prior to MAWS.

And OK, sure, we've barely seen these two as a couple at this point, but I really like them. They're adorable, they're adorkable, they're supportive of each other, and their chemistry is basically immediate. They're just really cute and fun to watch, and I can't wait to see them progress. Especially because...

OK, I can't stress this enough, but skip the next GIF if you don't want spoilers, and scroll down until you get to Jimmy Olsen. Please. This is a biggie. OK? Got it? Read at your own peril.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT ARE YOU SERIOUS THEY ACTUALLY DID IT

If you've read my Superman essays, you know that I want movie Lois Lane to have found out Clark is Superman on her own, and before the movie starts. And holy shit, they actually did it in MAWS! FUCK YES! Lois is smart and sharp, so she should pick up on the fact that Clark is Superman! I love that they did this, even if her way of finding out was somewhat by accident. She still put the clues together on her own, so I'm satisfied with this ending! And I'm pretty sure they're not going to reverse this! If they do, I'd be pissed off, but I don't think they will. Just...HELL YEAH, BABEEEEEEEEEE

OK...I think the spoiler-free have scrolled past this by know, so...let's move on with the essay, shall we?

Supporting Cast: Jimmy and the Rest

OK, let's talk Jimmy Olsen (played by Ishmael Sahid). Honestly, I love the fact that he's a conspiracy nut with his own YouTube channel, and that he's literal bunkmates with Clark in this series. This is also pretty close to my perfect version of Jimmy Olsen, not gonna lie. His streaming name is even Flamebird, a deepcut comics reference that shows the creators not only know their stuff, but also actively care about Superman comics and history. That's one of the things that one me over in the first episode, for the record. But more on that later.

Jimmy is the third wheel, but one who's usually welcome. We'll see the fallout of the Lois-Clark romance soon, I'm sure, but Jimmy's role has been pretty much perfect. However, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that a black Jimmy Olsen, while welcomed by me...is a little weird when you look at the legion of ginger characters in media that have been replaced by black characters in adaptations. While, again, I don't think Jimmy is racially bound to being ginger, it is a fairly iconic part of his identity. And...yeah, a lot of ginger characters have been translated into black people in recent years, and that's...really weird, not gonna lie. Makes me think even more about my Legion of Super-Heroes essay, honestly. Still, solid-ass Jimmy, and I can't wait for more.

I actually adore Perry White (voiced by Darrell Brown) in this series, and his grumpy boss persona is...well, quintessential Perry White. I'd actually say this is a perfect version of the character, although that's not as difficult to nail as some other versions. Looking forward to seeing more of Perry's life as he supports our bumbling interns.

I was tickled pink to see Cat Grant (Melanie Minichino), Steve Lombard (Vincent Tong), and a genderbent Ronnie Troupe (Kenna Ramsey) in this show, because it once again signals to me that the show creators really care about Superman mythos. And honestly, these guys were transplanted essentially unchanged from the comics, as far as we can see so far. This may change in the future, but I'm very excited to see the rivalry between our three and these reports build and develop during the series. Great job with these guys.

The Kents only make an appearance in one episode thus far, but I think they're pretty good! We see them in the past and in the present, and they're a couple of farmers who love their son. They're also some of the youngest versions of the characters we've seen in adaptations, save for Smallville, and it works well! They also make it apparent that these are Clark's parents, even in the short time we see them. Again, good job so far, and I want to see more!

So, with all of that, I adore this series, and it's perfect! Right? Right?

The Villains: Literal and Figurative Cons

If you've heard anything about this series from Superman fans, then you've probably heard that the villains are...not amazing so far. And that's mostly because the villains are where this series takes the most liberties, while also downsizing most of them pretty severely. I'll go through them briefly here, but just know that the changes made so far are...not my favorite. And if you've read my essays, you know my opinion on villains in superhero media: you gotta nail them.

So, let's start with Livewire, AKA Leslie Willis (voiced by Zehra Fazal). I really love this character (and actually positioned her as a major villain in the second Superman movie of my cinematic universe), so I'm quite invested in Livewire. And this version is a tech-powered villain who kicks off the conflict for the first part of the series. She's a completely different version of the character...and she works? Kinda? Look, as the first villain to face Superman, she's fine, but she's barely Livewire. The end of the second episode hints that she may become more like the original down the line, but she's missing that sass of the original. And yeah, she works without that, but it doesn't feel like Livewire to me. That's nitpicking, though, because we have a much worse set of adaptations to cover.

Intergang is so much of a non-entity in this show, they have no GIFS on Tumblr. Understand, this community has made GIFs of every other character except these guys. In total, they are Silver Banshee AKA Siobhan MacDougal (played by Catherine Taber), Mist AKA Kyle Nimbus (played by Lucas Grabeel), and Rough House AKA Albert (played by Vincent Tong). And they've been changed from:

A cursed Scottish-Irish woman, empowered by magic and a major threat to the Man of Steel, having nearly killed him multiple times...and is currently dating Jimmy Olsen, which I kinda love?

A scientist who invented a process to turn himself into gaseous form, and used his powers to fight the hero Starman; this rivalry was passed on to the next generation, on the side of both hero and villain.

And the clone of a gangster endowed with super-strength, serving beneath Boss Moxie of Intergang, and the forces of the dark world of Apokolips above him.

...into a group of loser who got technology they couldn't handle. Yeah, it's a major downgrade, and two of those guys weren't even that notable in the first place. Siobhan gets completely fucking shafted here, and I think it's a genuine failure of this series. Harsh, I know, but seeing Silver Banshee get fucked over that hard really sucked for me.

Oh, and yeah, Intergang was a major villainous group for the Superman film in my cinematic universe, so removing their Apokoliptian ties...bums me the fuck out, too. Also, it looks like Flash villain Heat Wave is an upcoming member, which is...weird as fuck, honestly. We'll see how this pans out, but I'm not terribly enthusiastic about it.

And then there's Anthony Ivo (played by Jake Green), who's been repurposed into a tech bro entrepeneur in the vein of Elon Musk, in charge of AmazoTech, which is obviously a reference to the comic book version. And this was an...interesting set of choices, honestly. Some spoilers here, but Ivo's version of AMAZO is an armor that drains the power of Superman and redirects it against him. And yes, that makes Ivo also this universe's version of...Parasite. ANOTHER villain that I put in the second movie of my cinematic universe, and one of my absolute favorite Superman villains.

I don't hate the reinvention, but that's only because of what happens to Ivo at the end of the episode. I won't spoil it here, but he definitely turns into a more proper version of the character, so we'll see what happens there. As for his assistant, Alex (played by...somebody), well, he's interesting, isn't he? At first, I thought he was Alex Allston, one of the Parasite twins from the 2000s. But a number of people seem to think he might be another familiar red-headed Superman villain named Alexander, if you know what I mean. Let's just say, there's a possibility that he'll steal forty cakes at some point. And that's terrible.

And finally, there's...wait, is that Deathstroke AKA Slade WIlson (played by Chris Parnell)? Why is he young...and hot? Why is Slade young and hot? And two-eyed? I mean, yeah, sure, that's not the worst thing in the world, but...goddamn, that's some whiplash. Interestingly, he appears to be affiliated with Task Force X, which is name dropped in episode 2. Plus, Amanda Waller is clearly in the background, so a much wider plan is in play. And yeah, while it's weird to see young hot Deathstroke, I'll give it a chance.

Other villains have been hinted at, and allegedly radically reinvented, such as Mr. Mxyzptlk and Brainiac, but we've yet to see what will become of them. Still, this is a divisive start. As long as we get some actual supernatural threats, and not just people in armor, I'll be happy. Time will tell.

Story: Just Getting Started

At this point, it's pretty much impossible to judge the story of this series, since we've only just started. But, with the technology obtained by Livewire from a mysterious source, and then leaked into the criminal underworld, we at least have enough threats to supply tension throughout this first portion of the series. The relationship of our trio is progressing nicely, with Jimmy realizing his third-wheel status, and with the Lois and Clark relationship moving along interestingly and unexpectedly.

There's also a number of hanging plots that look promising, including Clark discovering his powers and origins; Task Force X and Deathstroke, as well as their interest in Superman; the missing Parasite technology after Ivo's fall; the rivalry between the interns and their reporter rivals; and even Lois' relationship with her father (who...might be the guy standing next to Waller in Task Force X? No clue, that's just a guess). So, we have some stuff to look forward to! And maybe, just maybe, the villains will also steadily improve. I think Silver Banshee's a lost cause at this point, but I have hope for Livewire and Parasite, at least. But again, time will tell.

I also can't wait to see what the creators have up their sleeves. They're obviously ans of Superman and his mythos. I didn't even mention what won me over on this show in the first place! Other than Clark and Lois themselves, of course. In the first episode, Lois introduces Jimmy and Clark to her information gatherers: the Newskid Legion. And for those of you who don't know, that's a reference to the Golden Age of Comics, and a group of street-wise kids that would become supporting characters of Superman's during the '90s (through the trendy magic of cloning)! The kids have an adaptation in this series, and that attention to lore alone made me an instant fan of this show. Sounds like nothing, I know, but it meant a hell of a lot to a Superfan like me. Now GIVE ME MY EVERYMAN BIBBO BIBBOWSKI!

Conclusion: A Hopeful Tomorrow

I'm...scared about Gunn's Superman film. I won't write a whole essay about it, but it sounds ambitious to the point of being bloated. A lot of recent casting news makes me feel like this is more of a set-up to the wider DCU, as less of a Superman film in and of itself. Plus, with rumors that Luthor is being cast, and no sign of a villain announcement yet...I dunno. It has me worried. So thank God for My Adventures with Superman.

This series is a blessing so far. Sure, it could blow for the rest of the season, but call me hopeful. I think this show is fantastic so far, and I'm really thinking it'll stick the landing with the first season. Alongside that, honestly, is the fact that it's trying something new for any Superman adaptation, and there's a bravery in that. I don't know if it'll go down as my preferred Superman adaptation (Superman: The Animated Series is a hard one to beat for me), but it's got a good start. And a brave series that inspires hope in the face of fear and impossible odds? Man, that's what Superman is all about.

And now that that's said and done (for now, anyway)...

I believe I have another essay series to finally finish.

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Part I: Why I Love Superman

Part II: On Lois Lane

Part III: The Kents

Part IV: The 'Rents

Part V: The...Frendts?

Part VI: Lex Luthor

Part VII: The Real Villains

Part VIII: Superman's Rogues Gallery

Part IX: The Story - Act One

Part X: The Story (Acts Two and Three)

Part XI: The Story - Climax

Part XII: Epilogue (Part One)

Part XIII: Epilogue (Part Two)

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Defiant One, Pt. 4

They reach the cocooned Dr. Gaul. The very first thing Sheppard does it to make sure that they're not in any immediate danger (and let's face it, his concern is rarely if ever for himself; as soon as he senses danger he's using his own body to shield McKay) both by shushing Gaul and using the life-signs detector.

Now, given that Sheppard asked McKay to check for life-signs earlier, it seems like somewhere between looking for the bridge and finding Abrams' corpse, McKay gave the life-signs detector to Sheppard. But again, we don't see them communicate it, they just work seamlessly together. We did not see something happen on screen, but again it had tangible effects to the story that we are able to infer by the effects.

Though they are both horrified by the sight, they also both try to comfort the injured man and Sheppard begins to physically peel back the wraith gunk. Gaul tells them that the wraith now knows where they left the jumper and has his remote, which immediately agitates Sheppard. He almost turns to look back at McKay but then, again, catches himself before he does. At this point, he's still trying to figure out how much trouble they are actually in, assessing the situation.

McKay tries to calm him down immediately, to talk reason. He can't even see Sheppard's face but seems to intuit it simply from the man tensing up. They have the following exchange:

McKay: He won't be able to fly it. Sheppard: Do we know that for a fact? McKay: I'm sure the Wraith were the main reason the Ancient technology only works if the operator has the specific gene. Sheppard: Either way, he's still gonna have all of our weapons, food and water. McKay: Who cares? Sheppard: What if he can use our subspace radio to signal his friends? McKay: He might be able to do that. Sheppard: Not if I can get there first. McKay: He's got a head start. Sheppard: I can be pretty fast. McKay: Elizabeth will send another Jumper. We just need to wait longer.

Note that at this time they are still discussing the thing in a calm, normal fashion. They are both rational. McKay is making valid points and he's not arguing out of fear but out a desire to keep both of them out of harm's way Sheppard is trying to figure out the nature of the situation and their options, formulating strategy. McKay is giving him the facts, telling him what is possible and what is not. This is usually how they work. But while it's often that McKay is the agitated one, it is noticeable here that he is trying to calm the other man down, to assuade him. Be the voice of reason.

Of course he doesn't want Sheppard going after the wraith needlessly. He's also trying to keep the other man safe in his own way. But it's interesting that they have this calm, rational exchange up and only until McKay tries to alleviate Sheppard's guilt on what he believes is him getting someone killed again, someone dying on his watch:

Sheppard: Stay with him. Gaul: No -- please don't leave us. McKay: He's right -- we should stick together. Sheppard: He killed Abrams. McKay: And I'm as sorry about that as you are, but just because we both made an error in judgement... Sheppard: I don't have time to argue about this!

His emphasis is not on the word time, it's on the word argue.

Note that the first command (which is still more of a suggestion than a command) he gives to McKay since they set foot on the planet has the intended purpose of keeping the man safe and out of harm's way. But what's really significant is that they are having a perfectly calm discussion, an exchange, point-counter point, up until and only up until McKay tries to tell Sheppard that he's not responsible for getting the man killed (and this is, I must point out, after Sheppard did the exact same thing to McKay just moments earlier; essentially telling him it wasn't his fault Abrams died). That is when he suddenly snaps. It's not the the running of the clock, the wraith getting away, their jumper being at risk, none of that.

It's that he has such a deep well of guilt inside that he is very nearly drowning in it at the best of times, he only barely manages to keep his nose above the water. And here McKay is, unwittingly but with good intention poking holes in the... weir keeping the dark water at bay.

In The Siege (S01E20), he tells Col. Everett: "There isn't a night that doesn't go by where that moment doesn't play in my head." This, for letting a man die on his watch that he had known for like a day. We know that people he has known a lot longer and that have been much closer to him have also died on his watch, and he blames himself for all of it.

The AI with access to his mind tells him, in Remnants (S05EE15): "You torture yourself every day, John." There, his mind manifested his darkest fear which was his impotence at the hands of the man that had threatened the life of Rodney McKay every single time that they met. Who, from the moment they met, tried to use McKay to get to him because he noticed that caring about McKay was where he was most vulnerable.

John Sheppard hadn't planned on caring for anyone when he left earth. He had self-isolated in the most remote part of his world and probably on some level thought that moving to another goddamn galaxy would be even better, would protect him even better against caring about someone because he erroneously thinks that it is his caring about these people, his love, that got them killed. And then, somehow, before he even knew what was happening this goofy-looking, strange-acting, weird-talking man with a brilliant mind and a pure soul managed to slip right under his defenses, and here he was again. He had come to care about someone and had very recently almost gotten them killed. It all just reinforced everything he thought about himself and about the world to begin with.

So, he harbours a lot of guilt. Guilt that he can barely manage to live with. He's not going to stand there and let anybody tell him it's not his fault, least of all this man. That might break the dam and he doesn't know what would happen. He just knows that it's Not Good and would likely cause him to fail at his task of keeping this man safe, would incapacitate him.

Sheppard raises his voice (really, for the first time but in 38 Minutes he had snapped with "Don't talk to me about screwed!" which, again, would have made the episode work really well between the Genii siege and here; there McKay is instantly mollified while now he is feeling secure enough to actually argue back) and takes off with McKay shouting behind him for him to come back.

McKay then turns back to Brendan abashed, pretending like nothing happened. This is business as usual between them. This scene has such mom and dad fighting in front of the kid energy.

Sheppard's reaction was never about the jumper. He's not running to catch up with the wraith. He's running to get away from McKay. He's running to get away from himself.

Continued in Pt. 5