#also no need to try and reply to all of these questions they are RHETORICAL i am thinking out loud that is all!!

[revvethasmythh]

on a list of incredibly silly, irrelevant things from the campaign i still wonder about all the time, whether Flora is actually Imogen's horse (in the legal sense of ownership) or just her favorite of Master Faramore's horses is still number one for me. do the Temults even own any horses at all or do they just work at the stables? do they board horses at the stable for a discount because they work there? do they even board horses in Gelvaan or is it more common to keep personally owned horses on your own property?? These are the important questions I need to ask for the eventual campaign wrap-up, I think

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

ROT

hurt/comfort pairing. tangerine x gn!reader summary. tangerine sees through your lies about having a tough time word count. 859

There hasn’t been much to push you out of bed lately. Your complex internal feelings much preferring the protection of your duvet than everything else outside the bubble of sadness you built around yourself. The covers acting as a shield from the real world.

Rotting is the only way to put it really, wasting away. Scrolling mindlessly on your phone from early to late hours of the day, doing whatever deems necessary to quieten and numb the persistent nattering in your brain. Though it was utterly boring, the hours upon hours of staring at your phone all beginning to merge together.

With Tangerine and his incessant worrying of you and your needs, you had to disguise your sadness within sickness — dramatising a bad belly and pounding head in order to keep his anxiety at bay.

You knew your dismal states often consumed him, the thought of being unable to help you acting like an axe in his heart. You couldn’t bear pulling him into your pit of darkness, so you decided to keep him out of it. Wanting to preserve him as a flashlight to navigate yourself from the bleak.

Tangerine has been staying with you to keep you company during your faux fever, maintaining things around your house you were unable to keep up with. All in all being a great house guest and boyfriend.

You hear a slight creak of the floorboards outside your bedroom door, Tan’s head peering through the gap mere seconds after. You turn slightly, momentarily meeting his eyes from across the room.

“Alright?” he questions briefly, voice soft as not to disturb you.

“Yeah,” you reply, response short to keep up the charade.

He signs faintly before he’s on the move, walking across your room until he’s right in front of you, knees knocking at the edge of the mattress. He looks down at you, head cocking slightly as if things are beginning to click in his brain. Dots starting to connect.

“How you feelin’?” he asks, looking over the side of your face, waiting for you to look up at him, though you never do.

“Better,” you lie.

You keep your gaze cast downwards as you shift under his attention. And as you go to tug your covers, wanting to reshield yourself once again, he’s bending at the knee. Lowering himself to look you in the face.

“It don’t look it,” he gently shakes his head, seeing through your lies. The tone of his voice holding no such anger or malice.

You exhale shakily and bring a hand to your face, thumb and middle finger resting over your temples, covering your eyes from his forever intense gaze.

“Why you pushing me away?” he asks, his question sounding more rhetorical — quite like he himself already knew the answer. “Hm?” he hums.

He reaches for the hand covering your face, his index hooking into the V between your thumb and forefinger, pulling it from its secure shielding. He holds onto your hand carefully, sweetly entwining with your fingers as he leans in, pressing a kiss into the back of it.

“What’s the matter?” Tangerine questions, eyes softer than you’ve seen before. Looking over you like the sheer sight of you alone was killing him. “Come on,” he prompts, nodding gently when you finally meet his eyes. “Talk to me. Come on, love.”

You look at your hand in his, watching his what seems to be nervous fiddling — his finger’s playing with yours while he awaits your response. Though, you don’t really have one. You don’t have an answer to give him.

“I don’t know,” your voice cracks faintly as you offer him a shrug, speaking like the lack of reasoning is also weighing heavy on your mind. “I’m just sad,” you murmur, your brows beginning to furrow woefully.

He nods, expression soft and hurt as he looks over you, trying to show you he understands.

“What can I do?” he asks, caressing the back of your hand with his thumb — tracing faint circles into your skin.

You offer him another measly shrug as your tear duct begin to fill. You really had no answer.

He stills, fighting off the lump in his throat upon the sombre sight of you. “Can I do anything?” he rephrases, emphasising whether anything can be done at all.

You give him another shake of the head, the motion as soft as the others.

He nods understandingly, lips forcefully straightening as his free hand reaches for the side of your face — thumb gliding under the wetness under your eye, flicking away a tear.

Your close your eyes upon the warm contact of him, finally feeling a moment of peace.

“Sorry,” you mutter, voice thick from your restless days in bed. It was like you were now finally growing sleepy.

“Don’t be daft,” he whispers, the motion of his head reinforcing the gravity behind the statement. Though you could no longer see it — your eyes fluttering closed.

Tangerine holds onto both your hand and cheek, keeping you safe and protected as he sits on the floor beside your bed. Caressing you sweetly until you’re drifting off into some much needed sleep.

⎯ ☆ ⎯

[graveyard-stray]

Morning Workout | Aaron Hotchner x F!Reader

Blurb

A/N: This is loosely based on that scene with David and Aaron in the elevator where he’s like “you workout this morning?” And hotch is awkwardly like “I didn’t…”

WC: 955

Includes: Mentions of sex, no actual smut, established relationship, secret relationship (not for long), the team makes fun of you and Hotch

It was an average morning in Virginia, It was warm out and the sun was shining brightly over Quantico. Aaron had just arrived at work, having dropped Jack off to school just before heading here.

He was dawning his usual suit and tie, and his briefcase was clutched tightly in his left hand. As he approached the elevator it opened, perfect timing he thought to himself before entering.

The elevator rode up two floors before stopping, the doors slid open to let someone else on. “Morning.” rang the familiar voice of his friend and coworker, David Rossi. “Goodmorning Dave.” He greeted him with a small smile.

David though looked him up and down as he stood next to him, the elevator now resuming its motion up. It didn’t take a profiler to notice Dave’s staring, and Hotch was confused. He turned and hummed inquisitively.

“You workout this morning?” David asks with a smirk, motioning with his eyes to Hotch’s hair which was messier than his usual perfectly kept look, and his tie which was coming undone. Hotch looks down before clearing his throat nervously and reaching up to fix his tie.

“I didn’t.” He mumbles as he makes an attempt to fix his appearance. Dave laughs to himself, “hmm I wonder who the lucky lady is.” He teases. Aaron stands up straighter than he already was, to try and be serious and not obvious, “its not what your thinking. Just issues taking Jack to school is all.” He said, which he had to admit was a horrible excuse.

Before Dave could reply the elevator stopped and the doors opened, allowing Aaron the perfect escape to a very awkward conversation. Dave on the other hand, knew he needed to figure out who Hotch was seeing and he knew it wouldn’t take long to get it out of him.

Hotch pushed open the glass doors to the BAU office and wasted no time heading up to his personal office, David entering the bullpen right behind him.

The first thing Rossi noticed upon entering the office was you, you were smiling and had this certain glow to you that was strange. Usually in the morning you were grumpy and tired, but not today. Today you were very awake and in a very good mood. The dots immediately connected in his head, you got laid this morning, by the one and only Aaron Hotchner.

Rossi quickly approached you, “someone’s in a good mood.” He teased as he placed his bag down on his desk. You turned to face him, “yeah, aren’t I always?” you responded with a smile. He chuckled, “not this early in the morning.”

You rolled your eyes at him before Derek also approached, “that’s exactly what I said.” He comments. “Your glowing kid.” he added. This warrants another eye roll from you, “Ya know I’m not that much younger than you Morgan.” You respond but Derek knows what your doing.

“Oh no no no, don’t you try to change the subject, You got some this morning, all I’m wondering is who!” He questioned, he was right of course. You nervously gazed up at Aaron’s office hoping to see him there but, he has already shut himself inside. This was the huge tell and you knew it.

Derek’s jaw practically dropped, “oh my god. You and- oh my god!” He laughed. you turned back to him quickly, “I don’t know what your talking about I am fine! I’m good!” you frantically defend.

In the mess of things Emily comes over, “now what is happening over here, it’s too early for all this chaos.” She questioned. Derek was still laughing, “Ya know why she’s in a good mood this morning?” He asked rhetorically. Emily cocked a brow at him. “She had a sweet wake up this morning, her and hotch!” upon hearing this Emily gasped.

“Are you SERIOUS!” She exclaimed, a big smile making its way onto her face. “WOW, you and hotch. I must be bad at my job because I did not see that coming!” She said as she sat down, truly in disbelief.

Rossi chimed in, “You should’ve seen Hotch this morning. Hair a mess, tie coming undone. It was truly a sight to behold.” He chuckled, half at the situation and half the teams reactions.

You were practically sweating at this point, very embarrassed infront of your team. Luckily for you, Aaron noticed the commotion and emerged from his office. “Do you all not have work to do? Because I would be happy to assign somethings.” He scolds from the balcony by his office. Everyone jumps at the sudden sound of his voice and the quickly nod and apologize.

“Oh and (Y/N), my office please.” He adds before going back to no his office, followed by the oooing and whistling of the team members.

You closed the door behind you as you stepped into his office, he was leaning against the edge of his desk and looking at you softly. “I take it they figured us out?” He asks, a little smile ghosting his lips.

All you could do was nod softly, “yeah..I’m so sorry Aaron! I didn’t mean to make it obvious, I didn’t even think it was.” you defended, a frown on your face. Aaron came over to you, placing a large calloused hand on your cheek. “Sweetheart. It’s alright. They were bound to find out eventually” he assured you.

“Your really not mad?” You asked meekly. He pressed a kiss to your temple and smiled down at you. “I promise.” He said.

You knew the team would continue to tease you about it, but you were sorta glad you could share your love for Aaron with your closest friends.

[writingwithfolklore]

Questions from Beta Readers are Rhetorical

You know when people leave you questions on your work during the feedback process like, “why is she doing this?” or “who is this again?” or “how does this relate to what was just said?” You’re not meant to reply back and answer those.

They aren’t asking because they want you to explain it to them—or at least, that’s not very helpful to the actual work. They’re asking because something in the manuscript is unclear. Most readers won’t have the benefit of having you next to them to answer questions as they go—the work has to hold up on its own. If something is unclear, it should be addressed in the text, it’s pretty useless if it’s addressed only in your answer back to your beta reader.

So actually, when people ask me questions about my manuscript, I don’t answer them at all. I go back into the work and try to clarify, and then I have them read it again. If they have the same question, it means I need to try again until the confusion is cleared up.

Sometimes the people I edit for reply back with paragraphs of explanation, and I tell them that it’s great that they understand it, but I don’t need or want them to explain it to me afterward. I was asking the question so they knew what exactly was unclear to me (a bit more helpful than saying “this is confusing”). I want the understanding to come from just reading the piece.

That being said, some beta readers might want you to chat about it further with them—it’s up to you guys! But if you don’t also address the question in the work, you’re not doing yourself or your piece any favours.

[ruggiethethuggie]

POST GAME || Ruggie Bucchi

wc: 1009 tags: ruggie bucchi, fem!reader only because reader is referenced as a “girl” in a boys locker room, established relationship because i said so, ruggie post game after a win, rugbert is cheeky as always, he also likes kpop because why not, slightly suggestive, never proofread- we type and upload

a/n: i sat for an hour in an unstable mental state after seeing this ruggie bucchi card. yana put her whole ass into this card. me thinks yana has a secret favorite, i mean have you seen ruggie's ssr cards ??? bangers

You tapped your phone screen once more, checking the time. It had been at least 20 minutes since the spelldrive match had ended and the NRC team had gone back to their locker room. You were trying to be patient, but it was killing you how long your boyfriend was taking. One after one, the team started to leave, but there was no sign of your biscuit brown, tousled-haired beau. You checked your phone one last time before you huffed and pushed past the entrance doors. You made your way past the short hallway of lockers into the open space where only a few team members remained, gathering their gear and belongings. Ruggie sat on the bench in the middle of the room.

He had already taken off his black athletic shirt and was in the process of taking off his cleats. He had music playing from his phone, feeling the rhythm and quietly singing to himself as he unstrapped his knee braces and put them in his bag. You stood there in front of him, hearing the sounds of the other lockers closing and the not so subtle whispers about a girl being in the boys’ locker room as the last of the team left for the night. You rested your hands on your hips and put on your best pouting face for him to see when he finally acknowledged you standing there. You watched as he continued to take his time removing each of his things and tucking them away in his bag. He softly changed his gaze to look at you, raised one eyebrow and grinned as he sang to you. “Baby, you a gangster, got my hands tied. Fallin’ for you deeper girl, I can’t lie. So sweet, like honey, honey.~ ” 

“Ruggie, come on. It’s getting late and I want to go back to the dorms. It’s already cold and I’m tired,” you whined, grabbing his hand and tugging on it. “Honey, Honey, Honey, workin’ for you like a bee. Buzzin’ for you baby, baby. Tell me what you need. What you need, ha, you can say please,” he continued to serenade you with a look that on normal occasions would have you melting, but not at this moment. You dropped his hand harshly and lightly pinched one of his ears. “Hey, hey, those are sensitive,” he groaned before chuckling to himself and pulling out his normal everyday clothes from his bag. “And you’re tired? I forgot you just played in the match, my bad, chief.” He grabbed your hand back and pulled you onto his lap.

“Stop, you’re all sweaty and gross!” you exclaimed, clambering to get out of his grip. Your need to get away only made him pull you closer into his embrace. “But, I thought you liked this,” he snickered as he nuzzled his sweat soaked forehead on your shoulder. His eyes were beaming as he looked up at you, his fangs peaking through his mischievous grin. It was a hard sight to be upset at, and he knew that all too well. He knew you all too well. “Ruggie,” you whined again. “Say please, or we stay here all night,” he teased. “Please, Ruggie, hurry up,” you replied, your voice monotonous. His ears drooped a bit as he looked at you. “That doesn’t sound very sincere.”

“What? You want me to get on the floor and beg?” His ears perked up at your suggestion, which was supposed to be more of a rhetorical question. “Ruggie, I’m not getting on the floor and begging you to get undressed so we can go home.” You watched as his eyes trailed from your eyes to your lips and then back to your eyes. “You don’t want me undressed? I’m hurt. What do I do all this working out for then? For the boys?” he asked playfully. You lightly pushed him back and rolled your eyes. “You know what I mean. You’re still partially in your uniform and have to change. Don’t you think we should go home and rest? You guys just won another placement match, so you’ll want to be ready for the semifinals.”

“Yeah, yeah. We can go soon.” He moved you off his lap and onto the bench before standing up. He grabbed the hand towel that had been on the opposite side of him and used it to dry off the droplets of sweat on his face, neck, and chest before tossing it back on the bench. The locker room didn’t have much going on visually besides the random “team spirit” and “sportsmanship” posters hanging up on the walls behind a row of lockers. Ruggie was much more aesthetically pleasing to look at than them. You watched observantly as he searched his shirt for the tag so he put it on right, his forearm flexing every time his grip changed on the fabric. He pulled the shirt over his head, making sure to let his ears through first so they didn’t get tugged on.

He noticed you looking at his arms as he pulled his shirt down and straightened it out. “Don’t ogle me, weirdo.” He stood in front of you and leaned down to meet your eye level and placed one hand on either side of you. “Y’know, we did just win, and we don’t have to leave the locker rooms just yet.” Again, his fangy grin had you enamored as you felt your blood rushing to your face. You took the damp towel he had used previously and shoved it in his face between you both. “I wanna go home, Ruggie, please, you’re the one being a weirdo,” you teased playfully. “Yeah, okay, I’ll remember that. See if I share any of my snacks with you then,” he sighed as he ruffled his hair.

“Snacks?” you said intrigued. He bit his lip and shrugged as he grabbed his pants and walked off to the bathroom. “Ruggie, wait- are the snacks here??” you shouted to him. He just snickered as he closed the door without saying anything more.

© Orange Divider | banner by me | please do not copy and or repost my work as your own, my brain is massive and these are my thoughts.

[goldenpinof]

You don’t have to post this, but this one especially rubs me off the wrong way: https://x.com/nevieglow/status/1864838428958855396?s=46&t=-QxQRxgvl6A6N40VEbrE0A as well as others like “duh he doesn’t need to say this it’s obvious he’s joking”

sorry, i wanna answer.

between the lines of one phrase that sounded like a slap? can people be serious for a second, i'm literally begging. why do some phannies think that only Dan is being discriminated? people LIVE in those countries. and they still think dnp could go there, or to the neighbouring one. the fact that dnp can't find promoters or sponsors who are willing to risk isn't our problem. we're also not responsible for dnp's awful communication skills when it comes to addressing something. did they learn anything during ii and TBC dates? yes! was it enough to become better? not really. if some twitter phannies don't know the depth of this problem (including Dan's jokes about the 3rd world countries in 2023, mind you!), then they need to do their homework before saying some ignorant shit.

Dan could just wait and form a reply. he also could SAY that he is preparing a thorough reply about Asian countries. but he didn't do it. he decided to "no homo" as if it's funny by any means and we're expecting only clownery from them. can Dan treat all of us like people at least sometimes, without certain minorities begging and then pressing him if needed? *rhetorical question*

it's like we're hitting a wall again.

"it can mean two things at once". no, sweetie, if the person has been silent for months and LOVES to laugh everything off. and sometimes it backfires, like today. if it were for the 1st time, then sure, no big deal. but it's a pattern. so trying to understand what said minorities feel is the least people can do.

all of this doesn't erase the fact that i appreciate Dan finally explaining the situation. but he did it only because his "joke" backfired. i hope people realise that.

[obriengf]

A Gracious Gift || Mitch Rapp x Reader

Summary: Mitch had almost forgotten what it was like to be shown love until you gave him a small token to change his mind. Words: 1.4k Warnings: swearing bc it's mitch... he also has trust issues okay, pretty angsty oops Notes: the first addition to my 2023 xmas fics!

hope he's bringing me love this christmas cause i deserve you here ✩

His nose scrunched, details of exasperation etching themselves deep in the wrinkle between his brows and the frown of his lips. It was a cross between amusement and simple irritation that devoured the man as he stood resistant to the brightly coloured lights that reflected across the warm brown of his irises, arms crossed over his chest and a huff pushing past his lips. Mitch Rapp didn't do Christmas, not anymore. Neither did his ears enjoy the pretentious tunes that flooded the small living room of your safehouse or the irony they held as he stared at the decorated tree beside the small television.

"Is this a joke?" He huffed, once more, head barely turning as his voice carried to the small frame to his left. You didn't reply, his question dripping in all things rhetorical, and instead allowed a smile to curl upward into the shadow of a smirk. His pessimism is something that you're used to by now - starting beyond the tantrum he threw when you were first assigned as his partner. The Assassin grew to like you, however, after many arguments and a handful of times proving yourself. He saw honour within you and a driving force to do right by all, no matter what it took. In turn, you saw a man that hurt where his heart lay, but he used his head as a guard and determination to build up near impenetrable walls. It didn't stop you though, from trying... from showing him that there is much more to this world than Good versus Bad. And eventually, Mitch Rapp became oxygen - you breathed in his presence every single day without fault, but a part of you also desperately needed him to survive. 

"Don't be such a killjoy." You eventually said, proud that you pulled together something so makeshift in such little time allowed. You chuckled at his negative outlook, avoiding the side eye he threw your way as you tentatively reached out to drag a finger across a bright blue bauble. It was hope, a much-needed light in the midst of the cruel world that you face every day. And it just so happened to appear in the form of cheap gas station decorations and an overwhelming scent of pine needles from one of the small trees next to the cabin. You drew a breath as you turned to the man, the whisky tone of his eyes already peering down at you. He was swimming in hesitation, near drowning from it if it meant that he kept himself closed off. "I just wanted to give you a reason to be happy."

Your voice was quiet, and Mitch nearly would have missed it if he wasn't pouring so much of his focus into you. He last celebrated this stupid Holiday with Katrina - when he had a reason to smile, to have hope, to bathe in that happiness that would usually come from such a joyous time. And since then, you had made him smile and he had an inkling of hope, and he had a reason to be happy once again but the pain was still so incredibly present that it continued to devour every single cell in his body until he was just a shell. And Mitch hurt. He always hurt.

You always knew when he was starting to shut down. Mitch's emotions would turn off, like a simple flick of a switch, and the robot persona that the Central Intelligence Agency craved would soon embody the man that you've grown so accustomed to. You would lose him for hours, as if he was asleep and he needed to wake. Mitch Rapp had lost hope for so long and it killed you to see how much it affected him.

Even if it took every single second you owned, you were going to help him. To show the man the love that he deserved. To finally wake him up.

Mitch scoffed and turned away from you, his large hand dragging down his cheek. Words were mumbled against the palm of his hand, "Well, you wasted your time."

"You're never a waste of time, Mitch." You replied, remaining beside the tree as you watched his head hang low. It was expected for him to walk away, but he didn't, his back still to you but his ears listening for the soft coo of your voice. A small smile tugged eagerly at your lips, "You're a lot of things, mostly a pain in my ass, but you're not a waste of time. Especially mine. I'd do anything for you, you know that."

The man exhaled, his head shaking, "You can't fix a broken man, Y/N. Not one whose as fucked as I am."

Your chest tightened. Mitch's exhaustion was wearing him down, his walls cracking, crumbling, and not in the way you thought they would. His sadness tugged at your heart and you were already beginning to second guess if your plan was the right path to take. Gently, you reached to the base of the tree, the lights flickering against the side of your face as you grasped at a small box.

"You're not broken. You're not a waste of time. And if you're fucked up Mitch, then I must be as fucked up as you because we've come from the same place. We've had the same feelings hurt. But we're here, and we're alive and okay. And I'm never letting you go, no matter how much you push me away."

Mitch turned to catch the shimmer in your eyes. He could see the emotion building up and gathering along your waterline, and he had such an overwhelming desire to catch the tears before they fell. He moved forward with large strides before he captured your cheeks within his palms, thumbs rubbing with such tenderness under the tips of your lashes. You always managed to bring him back from the edge of despair, but seeing you with such sentiment was enough to shake some sense into him. He shushed under his breath, any evidence of an Assassin disappearing, and instead a simple man was left behind.

"Please don't cry." He hummed, not daring to look away from your eyes until he felt something hard press to his abdomen. His focus broke, an eyebrow raising in question at a small white box clutched strongly within your hands. Mitch's head tilted to the side, "What's this?"

An unwanted sniffle escaped you before your gaze followed his, the box in question now lifted toward him, "I meant it when I said I'm never letting you go. You mean a lot to me, Mitch, and this is how I was going to show you... instead of crying like a child." An incredulous chuckle ended your response as you ushered the box at Mitch, shaking the small object until he took it from you.

The man was nervous, but curious, pulling lightly at the bow that adorned the top until the fabric fluttered gently to the hardwood floors. The top of the box was removed next and he froze before he picked up the item inside. Mitch's finger ran over it delicately as he peered in disbelief.

"This is for me?" He asked, voice whispered as he held his new pocket knife so gently between you both. All you could do was nod and smile as he looked at you, his own smile perking in happiness.

"Turn it over."

He did as he was told before his lips slightly parted, irises of deep brown flicking over the engraving you left on the hilt -

Always with you.

A clang was heard as he placed the knife on the table beside him, a movement so quick that you almost didn't see it happen as you were gathered in his arms. Arms of your own slid over his shoulders as the man secured your waist, his hold tight and he savoured being so close to you. It was his kick, his wake-up call. It was what he needed to know that hope was not lost. It was his future and the piece that could fill the hole in his heart.

Mitch pressed a kiss tenderly to the crown of your head, his lips then falling to your temple before they pressed again. He was sure that you could feel the thumping in his chest, but he didn't care. Not when he had you wrapped up so perfectly against his frame.

You could feel the warmth of his breath dance against your skin, "I am always with you, too."

[wolven91]

Lucky Human Feet

Vix stared at the thin pink thing as it bumbled around its workshop. It had sequestered itself into what was essentially a storeroom off from main engineering and converted it into a workshop suited for its smaller size.

Vix gnashed her teeth in confused frustration. Humans were pointless on a voyage like this, why would they bring such a ridiculously fragile thing? She was going to grab it by its pathetic little neck and shake it until an answer fell out!

As she got up to stomp over to him before she made it even a few feet from her desk, her pile of sensitive components fell over. They themselves didn’t bother her, but the lopeljack’s cover required her to keep up appearances and made a mad grab for them. By the time she had finished restacking the tokens of her disguise, the human had left and for the time she forgot about the human and his infuriating existence until later on in the evening.

That evening. Vix was sat in the bar on board the large craft with the rest of the crew that were no longer on shift. The only reason she remembered her original thought now was because she saw the human trying to pull himself up onto the bar stool nearby. He was her target, she was not to move against him yet, only observe and report back to her contact. 

She rolled her eyes at the childlike display; they truly were useless creatures.

"Why must we be laboured with those cretins?" The lopeljack asked the group who were also sitting at her table, it was more as a rhetorical question, Vix not really expecting an answer. 

"''Cos we'd be stupid not to." Replied her superior, and lead engineer, plainly. 

She had to defer to this superior for the time being. Only for as long as she needed. 

She respected him; he knew his stuff and had the scars to prove he learned his lessons. But her barely hidden look of contempt should have told him her opinion on his statement. He smiled ruefully before going into more detail, interpreting her disdain for lack of experience, rather than frustration. She was one of the highly trained lopeljacks, she had travelled further across the galaxy than he may have, seen, met and killed more species than him. 

"I get you're new, but I think there's something you should know about our 'pathetic' friends. No ship with something important to do, should ever leave port without a human on board." He said 'sagely'.

"For hellspawns sake; Why?!" She demanded.

"They're lucky."

She gave him a withering stare, there was no such thing as luck. Only skill.

"Despite a whole galaxy worth of creatures that would eat them with ease, they live. Despite their world, statistically, having killed them off millenia ago, they live. Despite all the hardships their people have been subjected to getting to the stars; they live." He shook his head, mane whipping back and forth before he continued.

"Every time something terrible is to befall them, something gets in the way. They aren't invincible, their conservation status can attest to that, but it's as if invisible spirits will always try to tip the scales in their favour… If one is allied with a human, one is protected by this unseen force."

Vix looked back at the human, currently chatting up the bartender. The inherent ability to survive and succeed despite multiple moments of destruction, it was beyond chance. Perhaps there was something to this old fool’s ramblings?

As the lopeljack watched the human, she observed them absently moving their drink to the otherside of them just as another patron fell backwards onto the bar. If the human's drink had remained... it would have spilt.

"How?" Vix demanded, turning back to her ‘boss’. 

He shrugged, while drinking.

"I heard something about them having lucky feet. Apparently they used to keep lucky feet of some kind on a chain around their necks, that's just rumours though.”

Vix scratched at her chin while staring at the boot-clad appendages of her target, dangling from the bar stool.

"...lucky you say..."

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Code Blue Ch. 53 - Galway Girl

Summary: Josie has another run in with the law which leads to another revelation. She reaches out to a Savior with the new info. Luke plays his violin. A beloved sassy Scotswoman stuns Josephine on her hunt for the innocent Scotsman. An Irish memory rattles Jo. She and Gerry have a HUGE discussion on many subjects. More comes to light about Megan's attack. Emotions go awry when Gerry learns the truth.

*Chapter Warnings* language, angst, mentions of drugs and rape

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Salem, Massachusetts

March 22, 2022

The revelation of your ex-fiance's non-infidelity had your mind spinning as you carelessly sped down the freeway, stiff as a board with a white knuckled grip on the wheel and trying not to puke. Over and over, just as you had done 3 years ago, you began dissecting all the events of that painful day when you had awoke to the life altering text that you believed to have been from Gerry. A fabricated text to incriminate him, making it look like he had accidentally sent it to you instead of your sister which put her diabolical plan of entrapment all into motion of deeming him unfaithful and it had worked like a fucking charm. Still etched in your mind as if it were only yesterday, was the look of horror on Gerry's face when you found him in bed with Megan. A look that you now saw in a whole new light and you were so lost in that image that you did not notice the cop parked on the berm of the road, pegging you at 82 miles per hour.

The startling sirens brought you back to the present which you didn't even know where that was at the time, for you had just experienced one of those blackout moments where you didn't remember driving from point A to point B and wondered how you even did it without causing a wreck. You didn't have your seatbelt on either which you didn't realize until after you pulled over.

In your side mirror, you nervously watched the grumpy looking policeman approach your car, wishing it had been Luke because this time, you knew you couldn't cry your way out of it with being almost thirty miles per hour over the speed limit. Was he seriously unsnapping his gun holster???

"License and registration." the officer robotically requested as you rolled your window down.

You fumbled through your purse, then the glove box and handed him the items without question or argument, just wanting to get the humiliating moment over with and go.

He looked over the documents and then eyed you as he asked the usual rhetorical question. "Do you know why I pulled you over miss March?"

"Speeding I assume."

His reply was cocky as car after car sped by, taking advantage of the situation. "You assumed correct. 82 in a 55. Also I see you aren't wearing your seatbelt which is a law in every state other than New Hampshire which you are not in and your tail light is busted out as well which is a non-moving violation and a ticketable offense."

"Wait, what? How did that happen?? Can I go look?"

"You will need to remain in your vehicle while I go back and write up this ticket."

As soon as he was back in his cruiser, you immediately texted Jeffrey.

"I think u were right! Someone was in that car. My tail light is busted out and it wasn't when I was putting my bags in the trunk!"

About 30 seconds went by and he then replied. "Thx for the 411 darlin. Been thinkin bout it more since you dropped me off. Stowaway POS. Prob followed us to the junk yard too. He's toying with us. Busted the light as a warning. Ballsy fucker bit off more than he could goddamn chew. I'll find him and when I do, well I think you know how that will turn out. In the meantime, your best off to stay close to Craig. Sorry bout your trouble, Trouble😉 When you got time, bring your sweet self and that sweet ride to the shop and I'll get that taken care of for you asap. Least I could do for pissin you off. Talk more then."

"Thank u!! I'll text u later to let u know when I can come."

"You're very welcome doll. You can cum anytime."

You huffed and shook your head at his remark and before you could reply, he texted right back.

"Oh damn! Old habits die fucking hard. Told you I'd piss on the floor every now and then. Sorry for the comment. My bad."

You smiled and softly chuckled. "I'll let it slide. At least you're trying. Talk later."

"You rock girl. Later."

Stay close to Craig. Great. Now you had to haul all your stuff back to your apartment instead of going to your mom's as planned... for the time being anyways. You couldn't bring more trouble to her. Megan would surely remain in the hospital for quite sometime anyways and your mom would most likely take up residency in her room. Would they even be safe there though? Elizabeth sure wasn't. You then anxiously texted Luke.

"Hey. Can u please put a guard at Megan's door??? Just to be safe."

His reply was instant and shocking. "Already working on that Jo. No worries. I'm heading there in a few to speak with her as well since I was informed she is awake. Everything ok? Still pissed at me?"

You wanted to be but you just didn't have the energy anymore. "Thank u Luke. For everything. I'm fine. I just want my mom and sister to be safe right now. Please keep me updated."

You wanted to tell him so bad about the bar thugs since they were after him to begin with but you couldn't now that he was a cop. You just didn't know if you could trust him after knowing the little bit you knew about his agent days with Lee. Your list of loyal peers was growing thin anymore.

"I see you've deflected on my last question. I'm sorry things have to be this way. I really am Jo. I'm just trying to turn my life around but all I seem to be doing is making everyone hate me even more. Maybe it was a mistake to even come back here. I wanted to try to fix things and all I do is fuck them up even more. Suppose there's no reform for someone like me. Who am I to be some judge and jury? I'm a loner. Always have been. Better off that way...for everyone involved."

Luke was doing it again and at the worst possible time. Removing the armor and showing his softer side and that was why it was hard to stay angry with him. Just like Lee, he had a sordid past and had been through some bad shit. Knowing what Luke Sr. did to both Luke and Landy, defiling his own sons, was beyond comprehension to you so you couldn't even begin to imagine how that felt for the two wayward brothers. As you stared at your phone, not knowing how to reply to the heart on Luke's sleeve, you nearly jumped out of your skin when the officer appeared at your window, ticket in hand.

"I see that you're the late detective Brady's sister. Good man. So tragic. I am sorry for your loss."

Thinking he may decide to let you off with a warning, you smiled and hoped for the best. "Yes, I am. Thank you. Our family misses him so much."

"Your family, yes. I also am aware that that makes you Jason Morgan's sister. Not a good man, but you know that. He almost took you to the grave with him and here you are, speeding round town like he did on the bike as if you're something special."

"Ex...cuuuse me??!!"

"No, I won't excuse you like you probably thought I was going to just because of your family ties to the precinct."

Oh how you wanted to go all Betty White on him like she did in Lake Placid and call him Officer fuckmeat and then continuing on with her other snarky line of if I had a dick, this is where I'd tell you to suck it, but you would certainly be arrested this time if you did.

"Yeah well, I'm also detective Butler's ex- finacee and we're still very close. I'll be sure to tell him about this."

"I can see why it's ex. Lady, I don't care who you are. There won't be any preferential treatment here. Don't break the law. It's really not that hard. Here's your ticket. Have a good day Ma'am."

He handed you your expensive ass ticket with a court date for the following week and walked away as you sat with a gaping mouth.

"Asshole!" you grunted after you rolled up your window, then finally you were on your way, but before you drove off, you quickly texted Lee to tell him you would come to the cemetery but that you would be late. You didn't mention why though. It had nothing to do with the traffic stop and everything to do with the whopper of a secret that Megan confessed. As far as a reply to Luke, he would have to wait.

You called Gerry as you pulled up to the gates of the Kiriakis estate, but once again, he did not answer so you punched in the code for entry that only very few had. Those without the free pass would have to go through the whole rigmarole of identity verification and approval to be buzzed through, for Victor's security was understandably high with being a man of his nefarious stature and corresponding life. He may as well have been considered a celebrity. Of course ALL the other crime families of Salem were like that too.

The property was enormous and endless, consisting mostly of forestry, open country-like land and bayside access surrounding the mansion and one that did not know it well could easily get lost. It took you almost 5 minutes just to drive up the pine tree-lined path to the main house and then another minute to get back to the two story guest house where Gerry resided on the bay which was only a fraction in size of the stately manor. Even though Victor's fancy fortress had as many rooms as a 5 star hotel, Gerry cherished his privacy and wanted nothing to do with all servant bullshit and the tiresome walking involved in getting from room to room...and of course, papa Vic's business dealings. If the reserved detective could live like a hermit in a surfing shack on the beach, he would, for he loved the water and he had actually built one not far from the guest house that you were surprised he hadn't moved into already. It was more of a trailer located where all the good waves were for surfing and if he wasn't doing that, he was working on cars, one of his favorite pastimes. Maybe that's where he had been when he wasn't at the hospital visiting his father?

Once you reached the guest home, there were two cars parked in the front and neither were Gerry's.

You deciphered at least one to most likely be the maid or gardener, for Victor was OCD on the cleanliness and beauty of his grounds. As for the other, no clue. Maybe he had a girlfriend now? That could explain why he wasn't answering your calls.

After parking by the garage, you peaked in the window and saw Gerry's truck inside, so you headed up to the porch and rang the doorbell. There was no answer so you rang it once more and then glanced through the small window panel to see the television on, but no one was there.

"Gerry???!!" you shouted and knocked aggressively. "It's me, Jo!"

Another minute went by and no one came to the door. "Alright. " you sarcastically rationalized out loud as you took out the key you still had. "If you can walk right into my mother's home, I can do the same here."

You crept inside and quietly closed the door, then made your way to the TV, turned it off and called to him once more. "Gerry! Are you here??"

In the silence, you heard the toilet flush from the bathroom around the corner and then the door opened.

"Hallo?" a woman's familiar voice loudly questioned and then in walked Gerry's mother, gasping as she covered her mouth.

"Josephine darlin, in the name of the wee man!" the petite Gaelic woman with salt and pepper hair exclaimed in her strong Scottish accent.

Ironically, her name was Margaret just like your mother's and they both shared a son with Victor. She even had fiery hair like your mother once upon a time which was possibly what attracted Victor to her aside from the identical names and similar accents. The only difference was, she went by Margie and your mother went by Maggie. Margie lived in the Scottish Highlands and rarely visited the states. Gerry had usually went to see her instead, for he didn't like her braving the big Scotland airports alone such as Glasgow and Edinburgh, so you were just as stunned to see her as she was you. She probably came to support her son over Victor's heart attack which now made sense as to why Gerry had fallen off the grid, but it still pissed you off that he couldn't have sent you a simple text instead of ignoring you.

"Margie?? Oh my God is right!"

In the shared excitement, you both bee-lined to each other and embraced. You had surely missed her, for she had always made you feel like a part of her family. She was so kind-hearted and compassionate with a side of Scottish sass and she adored you. Needless to say, she was just as heartbroken as you and Gerry were when you and he had went your separate ways.

"I had no idea you were here Margie. Sorry for just walking in. I rang the bell and knocked but..."

"Oh, I tried to hurry but I was in the cludgie doin my jobby. It's a wee bit bowfin in there, so I would wait awhile if ye need to pee. It might make ye greet." she warned with a grin and a wink, for it literally meant she was taking a very smelly shit, one that would make you cry. She was usually quite frank about everything.

"I haven't been able to reach Gerry lately. When did you get here?"

"About tree days ago. I told my boy I was coming and there was nothin he could do about it so he flew all the long way to Glasgow and swooped me up in the sky on that fancy Kiriakis jet so I wouldn't have to fly alone. Ye know my Gerard, stubborn as an ox just like his Da. Oh goodness it is so guid tae see ye! Are ye well my darlin girl? Ye know I will always think of ye as my daughter no matter whit's happened."

You smiled and held her dishpan hands. "Of course I will always see you as a mother figure and I've certainly had better days."

"Ye do look a wee bit peely wally and ye been greetin. Yer een are red. Dinnae fash yersel. I won't tell."

"Dinner...what?" you giggled. "Sorry, my Gaelic sucks."

"It means don't worry. Nothin to be sorry about. Look who ye learned it from! Although Gerry knows the Celtic tongue, he tends to haver in the lowland Scot's language." she snarked with an eye roll. "But I suppose, like yersel, no one would understand him around here. His accent has weakened too. He tries to emphasize it more when I'm around and he thinks I don't notice the change but I suppose if I saw him more, it wouldn't seem so drastic now would it?"

"No, I suppose not. How is Edward? He didn't come?"

Her infamous Scottish sass surfaced about Gerry's stepfather. "Oh that old numpty craw. The eejit is probably sittin on his arse with his tap aff, wearin his baffies and clyping to the neebs while sippin on his uisge. He didn't want to come and be a proper crabbit around Gerry, but we all know it's because he don't take kindly to Victor and wouldn't be caught dead in his home."

"Have you went to see Victor?"

"HA!" she guffawed and rolled her eyes again. "I don't give a radan's arse about the old bawbag either but let's keep that between you and me. I'm only here to use the rich bastard's free amenities and to be here for Gerry because only the good Lord above knows why he loves that menace to society."

There was another difference between your mother and Margie. Your mom loved Victor. Margie despised him because he could never get over your mother. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

"Well, I would say your secret's safe with me but it's not like Gerry don't know how you feel. Speaking of, where is he? And.... who's cars are out front? Does he have other guests?"

"If yer hinting around to see if Gerry has some manky hen hiding under his bed, that would be a flat out naw. The only hen in his heart will always be the bonnie lass I'm lookin at, his Galway girl. One of the cars is a rental Gerry got for me so I can come and go as I please. Somebody has got to get the messages around here. Wasn't enough scran for a luch to nibble on. The other is Brady's car, ye know, the son who's name is strangely the same as yer mum's maiden name? or maybe it's Phillip's car? I lose track of all Victor's offspring anymore. All I know is one of his half brothers is here. The skinny malinky long legs and a braw lookin fella there in that picture on the stand. Looks like my Gerard when he was a lad."

You picked it up and chuckled. "Ahh, that would be Phillip, the youngest one. They have the same slanted smile and dimples. Is that where Gerry is? With Phil?"

"Aye, sorry, I don't know where my mind went whit all my haverin. Jetlag has me knackered, sticks with ye longer when yer thairis air a 'bheinn."

You tilted your head at her like a confused puppy. She usually used more of the Scot's English for you but would forget when she was rambling and would blurt out her witty words the way she spoke to Gerry because it was simply what she was accustomed to with being from the highlands. You compared it to playing a game of charades on guessing what she meant.

"Oh sorry darlin. I did it again. It means when yer over the hill. Anyways, Phillip's upstairs sleeping off the lagair. He and Gerry were off their trolley last night after visiting their dunderheid da. Phil got the boke. Poor lad. His heid's mince. He hit a pure whitey come morn. I told him not to have so many swallies but he was determined to keep up with Gerry. My son is out on the docks, up to high doh on fixin the boat while suckin down more of the bevvy and still reefin on those clatty baccy fags, so I've been in here, scrannin ma wee pan in on some mince and tatties, which is whit sent me to the cludgie and I was goin to watch my stories when ye popped in."

She very indiscreetly glanced over your shoulder to see the TV. "Ye mak a better door than a windae. Go on now. Get yer bahookie out there and have yersels a blether. That's whit ye came here for now aye? Whit's fur ye'll no go by ye."

Her smile was devious. You knew she wanted you and Gerry to reconcile but you couldn't even think of things like that when you loved Lee the way you did, but you understood what she last said and you certainly believed it. What's for you will not go by you. There were always signs if you paid attention, which you always did.

With your stomach in knots, you slowly headed out down the lengthy dock where you could see the speed boat up on the lift with Gerry inside of it and you could hear his jeers too, swearing like the Scotsman he truly was.

The day had become dreich as Margie would say and it was getting colder too, even more so out on the water. It felt like a reflection of your emotions. The calm before the storm that was about to become a category 5 hurricane when you found the courage to tell Gerry of Megan's betrayal. Knowing him the way you did, he wouldn't believe it at first and you could already predict his words. Yer bum's oot the windae! Blatantly translated....you're full of shit.

Your phone beeped, causing your already shortened steps of rapidly growing cold feet to cease altogether. It was Lee responding to your text that informed him of your late arrival.

"I have already waited a lifetime for you. I can wait longer because you are worth every aching minute of delay. I will wait forever if I must, just to breathe in your presence."

How? How could any human being possess such power over you? To be able to stop and restart your heart all from one simple text? As you stood there, literally holding Lee's bleeding heart in your hands, you began to feel incredibly guilty for making him wait, especially because you had chosen to go to Gerry first and you knew he wouldn't understand. You didn't even understand.

Forcing down the urge to lean over the rail and hurl, you gripped your queasy stomach and continued on. The closer you got, music became audible. You halted your steps once more, gasping as the song flung you back in time to 5 years ago in Galway when your relationship with Gerry was shiny and new. It was all your eyes could see as you gazed at Gerry working in the boat.

You had been wanting to go back to your roots and he had made that happen for you by taking you to Ireland on the same jet he picked his mom up in. It took a lot of coaxing though to get you on the man-made bird, for that was how your father had died when his plane had went down, something you rarely spoke of. Doped up on anxiety meds and tucked in the safety of Gerry's arms like a baby bird had gotten you through the fear and before you knew it, you and he were in Galway, partying it up.

The song was Galway Girl. Gerry said it reminded him of you and one night at one of the local pubs, the dashing detective showed off one of his many other talents. Playing guitar and singing that particular and very popular song with some guys he used to be in a band with back in his youthful days...and he sang it to you as he strummed the acoustic chordophone and strutted his way through the overcrowded room, embarrassing the hell out of you and then to top that off, he grabbed you up in his arms and kissed you madly. But you loved it and you loved him. It was like no one existed that night but you and him. Everything was so different then. You and Gerry were different, right down to his clean shaven baby face and your red hair with bangs.

You could still feel that kiss, taste it even. Guinness Stout mixed with sweet cologne and salty sweat. You were so happy. He was so happy. You could have had it all, rollin in the deep as the song said. He had your heart inside of his hand and he played it to the beat, or so you had believed no thanks to Megan's malevolence. She ruined everything. If she hadn't, would you now be Mrs. Josephine March Butler? You momentarily glanced down at your ring finger where the glowing golden rock used to be that he proposed to you with. He chose it because it was his birthstone and it reminded him of your amber eyes. He said it proved you and he were born for one another and even with Gerry, you had believed in all the signs so you really took that one to heart, along with both of your mothers names being the same. When everything went to shit, you took that as another sign and even went as far as secretly blaming it on the fact that he was a Scorpio. Low compatibility with your sign, a Sagittarius. Water and fire. It was said to be a very challenging relationship which it eventually became even without Megan's interference. You had just needed some fucking reason to understand how Gerry could ever cheat on you and with your slutty sister of all people or even at all. Would you have ever even met Lee? What would have happened if you had? Because your connection with him was instant and extremely intense, like the striking and igniting of a match. Aries and Sagittarius. Fire meets fire. You literally burned for each other.

As the song ended, the silence brought you back to the present, still staring at Gerry who had now locked his widened blue eyes upon you. Watching him hop out of the boat and casually strut his way to you in a dark baggy tee and a pair of khakis, you resumed your steps and your breathing that you swore had also ceased during your involuntary time travel.

He looked back at the boat and then you. "She's being stubborn. Hope you didn't come for a boat ride."

The ridiculous attempt to downplay his ghosting of you was expected and typical of Gerry, as well as the adorably anxious smile he displayed.

Gerry knew damn well you couldn't swim and would never get in a recreational boat but you couldn't even muster up a snarky retort with the way you were feeling and he noticed it. You noticed something too as he laid the rag on the railing and asked you if you wanted a beer. He was wearing his wedding ring.

"N..no. I'm good." you softly and simply declined.

As he opened the mini fridge under the small kitchen island used for bay parties, he looked back at you with concern.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine Gerry."

He popped the cap off the Heineken and took a swig while staring at you. "You're good, you're fine. Ok. Then why do you look like you've been crying?"

"Why do you look like a bottle of whiskey kicked your arse? Where have you been Gerry? I've been trying to reach you and I know damn well you know that. Why couldn't you answer my texts and calls??"

"Not to evade questioning like you're doing or to be a prick but since when do I owe you any explanations about my life? Last time I checked, we were never married."

"Fair enough...but why are you wearing your ring??"

His lips parted as he glanced down at his hand with a baffled expression, for clearly he had forgotten about it.

"Ohhh...that. Yeahhhh. Phil and I got a bit minced on a few wee drams last night and I woke up wearing it and well...now it's kind of stuck. Fingers got fatter I guess."

"A few shots?" you snickered. "I know how liberal you Scots pour those. According to your mom, ya'll were oot yer tree... errrrr was it off yer trollie?"

Gerry face palmed and grinned, then he sighed as he sat down on the rail. "Both terms would be correct. Look Josie, I'm dealin with a lot. You know that. I got my Mum in there hovering over me as you now know. I got Phil's young, dumb and reckless arse in there to look after and Vic over there in the hospital, still not doing well and now there's you."

You both gazed at each other for a moment, knowing he was reading you like a book and you began to feel sick all over again about what you had to tell him. His eyes already held so much stress and exhaustion and you were about to make it ten times worse.

"Josie...why are you here? What's going on with you sweetness? I can see it in those gorgeous eyes that something's wrong."

He was killing you. Gerry always called you sweetness from day one but it's the first time he had used the term of endearment it in a very long time.

"What ISN'T going on? Like you, I'm being hit at every angle with a new fresh hell every 5 minutes."

"And....you came..to me? Why? Don't you have that pretty doctor to bandage all your wounds?"

Your eyes instantly welled up. "You know what? This was obviously a mistake. I'm sorry for wasting your time."

As you spun around to leave, Gerry leaped off the rail and grabbed your hand, pulling you back. "Wait, wait...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I..I'm just not used to you coming to me for anything or even talking to me much at all for that matter and now here you are, out of nowhere and...."

Gerry paused as he intensely peered down into your glistening eyes. He was still clinging to the littlest bit of hope that someday you would want him back and he couldn't help but wonder if that's why you were there.

His thumb softly caressed the top of your hand as he still held it. "Talk to me baby. Did...did he...hurt you in some way?"

There he went, reading you again like a psychic with that annoying intuition of his. Gerry was certainly meant to be a cop.

"Just stop!" you cried, yanking your hand from his and turning away from him as you softly sobbed. "I am NOT going to talk to you about Lee, so just stop Gerry. Please just stop."

"It's very clear that I'm right but I will respect your wishes."

His then laid a gentle hand upon your shoulder. "But you're crying and you know what that does to me. Did my mum say something to you? I know she tends to overstep...."

You turned, eyes closed as you sighed, then forced them up to his. "No, she was actually more subtle about you and me this time. God, I'm just so fucking frazzled right now."

"I can see that. Ok, take in deep breath, hold it for a second and then just let it go. Here, I'll do it with you, come on. 1, 2..."

"Gerryyyy...that doesn't work." you whined with an eye roll.

"No, don't argue with me. Just do it. One more time, 1...2...3."

On his count of three, you just began blurting things out. "First off, there's how many experienced cops at the Salem P.D. with murder cases and you left that egotistical rookie partner of yours in charge of Elizabeth's case. Does no one realize it's a conflict of interest?? Luke and Lee are at each other's throats over their own issues so HOW is this fair to Lee being a person of interest when Luke's the investigating officer??!! And let's not forget a little girl is missing and it's all my fault! This is one of the reason's I have been trying to reach you because you can be objective and get shit done and speaking of cops, I got pulled over on the way here by Officer over the fucking hill for speeding and he was rude and mean and insulted me all because Jason's my brother, oh and someone busted my fucking tail light out and rusty water keeps coming out of the faucets!!!"

Gerry's response was of simple surprise as he stared at you, lips ajar. "Wow."

"That's it? Wow??"

"Well Josie, there's all kinds of bad shit in this county going on and we only have so many cops who are on pre-existing cases, not to mention the huge drug shit going on so I felt Luke could handle this while I got my shit together since he's highly qualified and all and no, I was not aware of the personal conflicts with him, but now I am and I'll look in to it. I'm sorry I've been distant but I really didn't think I was needed in your life anymore. Bring your car out to the trailer tomorrow if you want and I'll fix it but as far as your plumbing problem, isn't that your mobster landlord's responsibility?"

"Hilarious Gerry. Craig is not a bad guy. His daughter is missing so don't start in on him like you always did Jason who also isn't a bad person like that cop called him and I'm not going to ask Craig to fix my shower when it isn't even broken."

"But you just said..."

"It's not the plumbing. Just never mind. You wouldn't believe me if I told you and that doesn't really matter right now so forget I said anything."

Gerry looked at you with skepticism. "Ok. But what did you mean by isn't?"

"Huh?"

"You said Jason isn't a bad person. Don't you mean wasn't?"

Oh god. You DID say that and you needed to do damage control real fucking fast because this wasn't the first time you had almost let it slip that Jason was alive and Gerry was too damn smart. You hated lying to him but Jason would tell the world his secret when he was ready. In the meantime, you hoped he would find Ethan sooner than later and especially Blaise, but you hadn't a single clue what your undead brother was even doing or where he and Britt were. Did Jason even know what happened to Megan?

"Of....course I meant wasn't Gerry. It was an accident. He's only been gone close to 2 months now. Still don't seem real." you sniffled and wiped the corner of your eye for good measure.

"Alright. I get it. Sorry. Guess I'm still in cop mode and speaking of, so this cop that pulled you over. What's his name?"

"I...I don't know?"

"You got the ticket on you?"

You dug into your purse. "Yeah. Here."

Gerry stood looking it over and then his eyes popped as he chuckled. "82 Josie? Really? Where was the fire? All of this was that important to get here? Anyways, I know this prick."

He crumpled the pink paper up without a care and chucked it into the water. "There. No more ticket."

"Gerry...what are you doing??! I need that!"

"Not anymore you don't. I'll make it go away. One problem solved."

You knew he could too. You just didn't want to ask him to. "I..you...you would do that for me? I mean, with you being all by the book and stuff, no matter who it is?"

"I think you know you're an exception to that rule. I would do anything for you, especially if I can in some way make up for all the pain I caused you."

Your stomach twisted. You couldn't put it off much longer. The truth about Megan.

"Can you make everything else go away too? Lee didn't hurt Liz and he certainly didn't kill her. Please tell me you believe that."

"I've done my research on Lee and no, I don't think he attacked or offed his ex. Honestly JoJo, I think it could be someone else who Elizabeth pissed off which according to Luke's reports, was quite a muckle amount of people, even including you but of course I know that's not the case. I'm leaning more towards someone who wants us to believe Lee did it since he does have quite the motive, but again...I don't feel it was him. Things just don't add up. I think someone was more pissed off at Lee than Elizabeth."

Gerry didn't suspect you but someone certainly tried to make it look that way by planting all that stuff in Lee's car, but you couldn't tell Gerry about that and now your thoughts swirled like a twister, sucking in every person with means and motive to hurt the two of you. Someone who knew Lee's routines.

"Well, there's a large list of those people too. Ethan will always be my first guess. He hates me and that Lee chose me and not him and we all know what he's capable of. Then there's Angel, Lee's neighbor. Another jealousy, woman scorned thing and there's that Carpenter guy. I mean, you witnessed his rage at Lee and there's even..."

You paused, feeling guilty for even thinking it, but your priority was to always protect Lee, no matter who you had to throw under the bus. "There's...your new partner...Luke. Something happened years ago between them Gerry and I don't know what that was but I do know it was really bad and the two of them, as I said, are not getting along. I just think you don't know everything about Luke and I know I don't either, but from what I've seen and from what I DO know, he has a violent streak in him, especially if provoked. Just like his brother Ethan and maybe Luke is using this cop thing to his advantage?? I mean, he was WSB for christ's sake and..."

Gerry shook his head. "Stop. Stop."

But you didn't stop. "No Gerry! Is it really that far fetched?? He's smart as hell. He can easily hide things he don't want people to know. Trust me."

So could Lee for that matter, but you were way past ever thinking it was him and would forever regret that the thought had ever crossed your mind just like the guilty person wanted it to.

"Or maybe he's just doing his damn job. So let me get this straight. You think a former WSB agent is now a dirty cop and my partner at that, just to seek some kind of revenge on his once good friend."

"I..I don't know! It's possible yes?? He knows Lee inside and out."

"I'm smart as hell too and would like to think I am damn good at what I do and the fact that you're standing here implying that I wouldn't see right through a conspiracy like that is rather insulting. I'm telling you Josie, it's not Luke. Until you can give me something concrete as to why Luke would want to hurt Lee, you need to drop it."

"Ok fine. Maybe it's not to hurt Lee? Maybe it was FOR Lee. Luke hated Liz too for what she did to Lee."

"You know, you're definitely right about one thing. Luke is too close to this and needs pulled from the case. With that said, I think you're forgetting a few others with motive to kill Nurse Webber. I mean...let's not forget her ex-husband who she kept his own daughter from, or so called daughter I should say since he believes Blaise to be Ethan's and if that turns out to be true, it's really damn good motive on his part to off her and let's also not forget his line of work, so there's that."

"Nope. Stop it Gerry. Craig did not do it. Leave him alone already. He wouldn't do that to his daughter no matter how much he despised Liz."

"You seem so sure of that and oddly protective of him. What's that all about?"

"None of your business. Now who else? You said a few others."

"Ok, but you aren't going to like it."

"WHO!" you snapped.

The name that came out of his mouth made your skin crawl. "Peter. He's been making some noise lately from within that 6 by 6 of his."

"W...w...what?" you softly stammered in fear.

"I wasn't going to tell you this but out of the blue, he's been demanding to get word to you to come see him and he won't say why, which I think we all know is because he knows about you being with Lee. The warden let me know about it and I've made sure any letters he sends out with your name are never sent."

You shuttered inside. "Just like he sent letters to Britt, wanting her to give them to me."

"She didn't did she? I was under the impression she loathed her sadist brother."

"She does and no. I never saw the letters and I don't want to talk about Pe..." you sighed, unable to even say his name. "Why are you bringing him up?? You're in good with this warden. Get him to put him in solitary confinement where he belongs, like he did to me!!"

"I'm sorry. I said you wouldn't like it. I know what he did to you, kidnapping you and locking you in that morgue drawer. I was there and saved you remember? Or you would have suffocated and believe me, if I could shut him up, I would, but I can only do so much. I'm bringing him up because we all know he has extreme jealous tendencies and access to people on the outside. I think you know where I'm going with this. If he wants to get to you or Lee, he can."

You wanted to tell Gerry so bad what you knew about Lee's past with Luke involving Peter aka Sam Colin and how Lee was using that alias because Luke told him to, but you just couldn't. You trusted Gerry with your life but not Lee's.

"Yeah, I do. He could easily set Lee up to get him away from me which is WHY his communication needs to be revoked!! He's not only the son of an infamous terrorist, but he's one himself and he shouldn't have the privileges he has Gerry! Besides that, do you really think it's his style to frame someone?? He's more of the eraser type.''

"Then why isn't Lee dead already? Peter is his father's son yes, but he wasn't raised by him, only that other whack job son of his was, Charles Rane, who got blown up across the pond years ago."

You felt sick again, because it was Lee who caused that explosion, killing the Rane of terror. If you only knew what happened. The entire story. You would bet money Peter knew. So did Spinelli from intercepting those letters from Peter to Britt. And of course, Jason knew. If only you had listened to his and Lee's entire conversation instead of interrupting them, maybe you would know the truth.

"Does that make Peter any less dangerous?" Gerry continued. "No, but I had been after Cesar for so long and the two couldn't be more different. You should know since Faison was going to kill you the night you got shot, which not to defend Peter, but he meant to hit his father, not you, in an attempt to save you. Cesar eliminates his threats. Peter toys with them. The sadistic fuck likes to watch people suffer. Big difference."

"I swear if you say his name one more time!! And yeah, I know the difference. It's the real reason, which you already know, that my anxiety issues arose and why I'm claustrophobic and scared of the dark and storms! You have no idea what thunder sounds like inside a cold metal box. But in shame, I tell everyone, even Lee, it's because Megan locked me in a crawl space during a storm when we were kids, which was true, but that never damaged me the way that monster did. I...I couldn't fucking breathe. I could still smell the chloroform and I can still see the darkness all around me, stealing my breath like the grim fucking reaper and hear the echoes of my own cries as I called out for you."

"I know...and Peter claimed he was hiding you from his father because you were my girlfriend and Faison would kill you if he found you. Maybe I should go visit the piece of shit because now I'm angry all over again and want to rip his minging heid aff!!"

There was the full blown Scottish accent and you hadn't even told him about Megan yet. "Well maybe someone in prison will get to him first, shank him over and over and over or slip some rat poison in his coffee or something. I bet you could arrange that."

"Haud yer wheesht! What's gotten into you Josie? Just because you're Jason's sister doesn't mean you have to act like him."

"Now YOU haud yer wheesht!"

"I will when you stap yer haverin!"

Your lips pursed and you went to riposte, but Gerry's phone rang. "Saved by the bell. Guess Luke's ears were ringing. I gotta take this. He fills me in from time to time."

As Gerry walked away to talk privately, you went to the sink for a glass of water. Your eyes were on him, trying to listen as you turned the faucet on but he was purposely whispering. Your hand became wet as the glass overflowed and when you looked down, your hand was stained with red water.

"Gerry!!!" you screeched and dropped the glass in the sink, shattering it.

"I'll call you later!" Gerry barked and ran to you. "Fuck Josie, did you cut your hand? Here baby, let me see it!"

"It's not blood Gerry. It's the water!! This is what I told you about! First at Dave's, then at my place and now here. I...I don't know what the fuck is happening. It's like some supernatural sign or an omen or something. Gerry, I feel like something bad is going to happen."

His eye dropped from yours and he became silent as he dried your hand off with a towel.

"Gerry? W..what's wrong? What did Luke tell you??"

He threw the towel down and grabbed another beer. "When were you going to tell me about Megan being kidnapped and attacked?"

"I...I was going to. We were just, you know, talking about all this other stuff and I got distracted. That's all."

"Luke's at the hospital now and asked me if I could find a guard and..."

"You need to! Because I don't think she was expected to be found considering where she was at. Did he speak to her? What did she say? Because she told me and mom she couldn't remember anything just before it happened and during, just that she remembered Dave finding her and...Gerry...she said she feels like it wasn't Ethan but...I don't believe that. She's either scared to rat him out or it's just the trauma."

"Or it's the drugs they found in her system compromising her memory. Her blood panel showed traces of Rohypnol in her system. It's a roofie."

"Oh my god...."

"That's...not all Josie. They uh...they did a rape kit on her and..."

"No...just...no. Tell me she wasn't."

"I...I can't. I'm sorry Josie. Luke said she don't remember it but she was so distraught from the results of both tests that they had to sedate her."

Your eyes burned with tears as your heart began to pound. "M..mom...what about my m...mom?"

"Luke's staying with her for awhile. Still think he's a cold blooded killer?"

"I...I don't know what to think anymore. Gerry...there's more...and it involves you. I need to get this out. It's the entire reason I came here."

"Why do I feel like I'm the one who's not going to like this now? What is it Joey? Oot with it."

You drew in a deep breath like he told you to do earlier, then exhaled long and hard. "Ok. Here it goes. After speaking to Megan today, she decided to do some kind of conscience cleanse and...she...she claims that you and she...never slept together. That she set you up to hurt me."

Gerry turned around with an incredulous sigh, placed his palm on his forehead for a moment, then turned back to you with his mouth hanging open.

"What? Yer bum's oot the windae." he exclaimed, exactly as you predicted he would and still in shock, he questioned again. "What?"

"It's not nonsense Gerry. Trust me, I didn't believe it at first either, but...her demeanor and how she cried her eyes out...it's true Gerry. She admitted to drugging you and even wearing my perfume to get you excited, but the drugs and the alcohol only ended up knocking you out, so she sent me that text from your phone, then took your clothes off and hers and climbed into bed with you, waiting for me to show up the next morning. It was all a fucking set up Gerry because she was jealous of me. I...I'm so sorry." you cried. "I..I...should have known better...I should have believed you when you said something didn't feel right...I..."

And here it came. The blow up you dreaded.

"That clatty cunt!!! Are you fucking kidding me??!! Oh karma sure bit her in the arse now didn't it eh??!! JEE-sus Mary and Joseph what the fuck is wrong with that girl??!! She should be in a fucking mental institution. I cannot even comprehend this right now. She..she ruined everything for us and for what?? Just to make you suffer?? And don't you dare stand here and blame yourself. I wouldn't have believed me either! She's going to fucking pay for this, so help me God."

"Well, as you said, she's already getting her karma."

"Ohhh hell no. She's going to get MY karma. Why am I the only one that's losing my shit here??!! She destroyed us Josie!! My god, did it ever cross your mind that we might still be together and even married?? You would be wearing the rings that go with the one I'm wearing right now!"

"That's ALL that has crossed my mind Gerry!! I'm supposed to be somewhere else right now but I came here. It's why I got fucking pulled over. I kept spacing out with the memories. I literally kept seeing the look on your face when I found you with her and it hurts like hell, all of it and then I get here and you're playing that damn song and my mind went back to those memories too and then I see you with that ring on and...and...and...I...god Gerry...I'm so confused!!"

He finally calmed down and started a conversation that you knew he would but were in no way prepared for. "Why? Why are you confused? My god, I'm innocent sweetness. Does this mean anything to you now? Does it...change...anything? Because nothing has ever changed for me except losing you. I still love you as much as I did then, if not more and..."

"Gerry...please don't."

He came up to you, face to face, pleading his case. "Don't what?? I never fucking cheated on you baby. I never could. That's why it never made any sense and you and me, being apart never made any sense. Do you not feel anything at all for me anymore? Is it really all gone? Because we were crazy as hell for each other and I know I'm not wrong about that. I mean, look what we had. We had a beautiful life. I know we had been through shit after you were shot, with the whole children thing, but we made it through that. We worked hard for what we had. Let's put some more gas in the tank."

"Gerry...I...I'm with Lee now, you know that and I..."

"Are you? Because I'm looking right at you standing here in front of me. Is that where you're supposed to be right now? But you're not, are you? You came to me. You could have waited to tell me all this. What was one more day of letting me feel the agony of losing the best damn thing that's ever happened to me? You couldn't. You couldn't do it. You had to come tell me right away and why? Because it fucking matters to you. I...matter to you, even now, after all this time, even after you moved on with someone else."

"Of..of course it matters to me Gerry! And no, I didn't want you to suffer anymore, not even for one more day..."

He stepped right up against you and placed his large hands on your cheeks, his face merely inches from yours, his warm beer breath showering your lips. "I...matter to you. Say it Josie. Tell me I still matter. Tell me you feel nothing for me anymore. Tell me you don't still love me, not even a little bit."

Tears raced out of your eyes and over his hands as your lips began to quiver. "I...I...Gerry please sto..."

His lips took yours with a fierce passion like he did on the dance floor that night in Galway and you found yourself succumbing to him like you did on the dance floor that night in Galway. The familiarity of his taste, the way his lips moved, the way they felt, the way HE felt all came flooding back to you and you couldn't pull yourself away.

@redeemer46

[justforfunfic]

Drinks & Dates

Summary: Using the prompts “Can you come get me?” and “You’re not really dating him” 

You’ve recently broken up with your boyfriend but he doesn’t get the message. Maybe fake dating his coworker will finally make him realize that you're really over? That is, if your friend doesn’t get to him first. 

Pairing: Sandor Clegane x reader

Genre: Modern AU

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: none 

A/N: Meryn is not the creep he is in the books/show but he is what he’s always been: a loser

Part 1

______________________________________________________________

“You can’t keep doing this,” you sighed. You would’ve yelled if you weren’t so tired. This was what, the third or fourth time he’d done this?

“You said you were done with your dinner plans with your friend at 8:30,” Your ex Meryn said. “You also said we could hangout.”

You shook your head as you went to put on your shoes and grab a jacket. It was 8:25.

“No. I said I was leaving at 8:30 because I had plans for dinner with a friend,” Before he could argue, you added, “Reread my text.”

He did and “my bad” was all he could think to say.

You were exasperated. Did he really not see an issue with showing up at your apartment? You had told him that they could hang out anytime today but that you had plans at 8:30. 

“You have to leave,” You demanded

“What friend is it?”

“Does it matter?”

Before you could reply, there was a knock on the door. You rolled your eyes and went to get it. On the other side of the door was Rosa, your close friend. She wore a short, tight dress that made your halter top and very short shorts look conservative.

“Who is it?” Meryn asked.

Rosa walked in, saw your ex on the couch, and shook her head at you.

“I don’t want to hear it,” You said, knowing you’d both talk about it in the Uber. “I have to pee and then we can go.”

“Okay, I’ll order the Uber,” Rosa said as she began to make small talk with Meryn. When you walked out, finally ready to leave, Meryn tested your patience again.

“Do you want me to leave?”

What kind of question was that? Sensing your train of thought, he continued speaking.

“I’ve stayed here before. Even when you go out for girls' night.”

“No!” You half-yelled. The nerves on this man. “I have to set the alarm and you need to go.”

Meryn awkwardly shuffled to the door, trying to offer you a hug but the look on your face dissuaded him. Once he made his way to his car, you and Rosa stepped out of the apartment and you set the alarm. 

“Why was Meryn here?” Rosa asked on their walk to the Uber. 

Shaking your head and stepping in, you replied, “Where do I start?”

“Is this not the first time?”

“No, and I don’t know why-”

“What’s the code?” The Uber driver interrupted. He was an older man, in his early forties, if you had to guess.

“2358,” Rosa said with a smile. The man smiled back at her as the directions pulled up.

“You two are headed to Herry’s?” He asked rhetorically and Rosa smiled again, “It’s busy on a Saturday.”

“That’s why we’re going. We love the music and the dancing.”

“Hoping to have a good time?”

“Always,” She giggled a little. Her bubbly and flirtatious personality made it easy for her to talk to people, especially men. “Do you know of any other good spots to hit on a Saturday night?”

“Probably not places for young women to dance,” he admitted, looking over their outfits in the rearview mirror, “But if you get tired of the people and the crowds, you should head to Jeff’s. It’s got a live band and cheap beer and it’s a great place to wind down and end the night.”

“Really?”

“Yep. The crowd there is a bit older and a tad quieter, but as long as you don’t go in there making a scene, you should be fine.”

“Thank you,” Rosa said as the driver pulled to the curb in front of Herry’s. She leaned up before getting out and using an innocent tone added, “And just so you know, I never make a scene.”

You waited for your friend to stop flirting with the driver, eager to complain about Meryn and get a much-needed drink. 

The first thing you did while inside was make your way to the bar across the massive room. It was crowded, so Rosa grabbed your hand so as to not be separated in the sea of people. The music poured from the speakers and people were dancing in the center of the room. The two of you couldn’t wait to join. Ordering four shots, two for each of you, Rosa asked, “So what’s with you and Meryn?”

You took your first shot, “I honestly don’t know anymore.”

“I thought the two of you broke up. I thought you dumped him.”

“I did!” You said defensively.

“Then why was he at your apartment?” Rosa’s eyes widened, “Are you two hooking up?”

“What? No! I dumped him two weeks ago, and he keeps wanting to hang out and do things together. I don’t think he’s accepted that we’re over.”

Rosa nodded. The relationship had been over for you for a while and she knew it. You had talked to Rosa several times about dumping Meryn before. He never put in the effort you did, never texted first, and never cared about going to the farmers market with you, or on dates, or celebrating Valentines Day. The list got longer the longer you dated. But whenever you brought up the issues or told him that you would leave if things didn’t get better, he always made excuses and promised to get his act together. He never did.

This time was different though. You had the suspicion that Meryn was cheating on you. When you told Rosa, your friend suggested confronting him or catching him in the act, either by catfishing him or finding the other woman. You declined, finally deciding to end the relationship once and for all. 

“How did he take it when you told him?” Rosa asked, having been out of town for the past month.

“I thought he was mature about it. He didn’t really say anything, but he asked if we could still be friends.” “And you said yes?” You couldn’t tell if Rosa’s tone was curious or scolding.

“Well yeah, I figured we could still be friends.” You said in your defense, “But I thought that we’d hang out with some of our mutual friends or maybe catch up over pizza or something. I didn’t think he’d keep showing up to my apartment.”

“You should’ve told him no and gone no contact.”

“I see that now,” You said, taking your second shot and Rosa did the same.

“So why did he come over tonight? Didn’t you tell him that we had plans?”

“Of course I did. I told him I had plans with a friend at 8:30. I thought we might do something sooner— away from my apartment— but he never responded and then showed up ten minutes before you did.”

Rosa shook her head at your acceptance that Meryn could show up at your door rather than tell him off, but she chose to focus on something else.

“Did you say you were out with a friend or me?”

“Does it matter?”

Rosa gave you a look.

“I said a friend, but you are my friend.”

“Maybe,” Rosa smiled and ordered another round of shots to keep you waiting for her next words, “Meryn thought you were going on a date.”

“What?” you scoffed, not really believing that Meryn would believe that. 

“Think about it, you you broke up two weeks go—”

“Two weeks isn’t a long time,”

“But you told him that you had lost feelings a while ago, didn’t you? Beides, he knows you’re a beautiful woman and how many arguments have the two of you gotten into because another man was flirting with you?”

You couldn’t find the words you wanted to respond with and Rosa continued.

“It makes perfect sense that Meryn thought you were on a date, got jealous, and wanted to break it up before it got started.”

You wanted to disagree but couldn’t. Meryn would do something like that. The conversation ended officially when the shots were set out. you and Rosa threw them back quickly.

“Shall we?” Rosa asked, stepping away from the bar and looking over her shoulder. you grinned and followed her to the dance floor.

The two of you danced for hours, but it felt like minutes. At one point, another pair of women joined you and they all danced together. When they left, two men replaced them, but they got too handsy, so you and Rosa left. It was about time anyway, nearing 1:00AM. 

“I’m starving,” Rosa said. You agreed. 

“Waffle House?” You asked. It was you and Rosa’s regular spot after a night out.

Rosa pursued her lips, considering a late night breakfast, but decided against it.

“Let’s go to Jeff’s,” She suggested, “I want to see what makes it so great.”

You nodded in agreement. Fries sounded much better than a waffle right now.

Rosa pulled up the directions on her almost dead phone. The bar was only a ten minute walk from the club, but with how much the two of you had been drinking, it would probably be a twenty minute stumble. Hand in hand, you and Rosa made your way to the Jeff’s.

The driver was right, the crowd was different from the one at the club. The club was full of young adults, mostly college students or recently graduated, like you and Rosa. Most of the people at Jeff’s were older, people anywhere from late twenties to late fifties. In your tight outfits, you and Rosa stood out. Luckily no one paid much attention to the two of you. They were more interested in chatting with each other and listening to the band, which was much quieter than the pounding music at the club.

Finding a table, the two of you picked up a menu. It was typical bar food, burgers, wings, mozzarella sticks. A Waitress swooped by to take an order.

“Hi, I’m Addy,” She introduced herself. “Just so you know, the kitchen closes in about ten minutes and the last call is at 1:45. What can I get you?”

“Can I get some fries and an order of mozzarella sticks, please?” you asked, “And two waters?”

“Of course,” Addy smiled, and you returned it, hoping you didn’t appear too drunk. The cool night air and walking had sobered you up some, but unfortunately, it did not do the same for Rosa.

The waters and food came out in minutes, or at least if felt like minutes but you really couldn’t tell. You looked around people watching, absent-mindedly eating fries and half of one of Rosa’s cheese sticks. She was busy swiping through men on tinder, and you didn’t have the energy to talk right now. Your eyes settled on a man at the bar. He was tall, with a full beard and long, dark hair. Only part of his face was visible. Rosa chose this moment to speak.

“See something you like?” She teased.

“Can you keep your voice down?” You replied, glancing around to see if anyone had heard. Rosa tended to be loud and got louder when she drank. She didn’t mind, but you did. Most of these people were probably regulars and knew each other.

Rosa leaned in and half-whispered, “See someone you like?”

“I think I know him,” You replied, trying not to stare and failing, “He looks so familiar.”

“Why don’t you go talk to him?”

“I don’t want to flirt with him.” That wasn’t completely true, but you would’ve liked to be more sober to talk to a man. Maybe if you’d come earlier in the night, you would’ve been up for it.

Rosa surveyed him through squinted eyes. He was sitting at the bar, but there was no doubt he’d tower over everyone there if he stood up. He had a nice beard, which she knew you’d love. And he was muscular. So much so, she told herself that if you didn’t make a move, she would. 

“I think you should flirt with him. He’d be more than a step above Meryn.” She was right. Meryn was a bit pudgy and a lot shorter.You wanted the conversation about the man at the bar to end. You loved Rosa, but you were also comfortable at where the night was ending.

Rosa hiccuped and swallowed, one of her tell-tale signs that she’ll throw up soon. You flagged down Addy for the check. You still had fries to eat, but you could grab something from the fridge at home. 

“Here you go,” Addy said as she tore the small paper off her notepad, “You pay at the bar,” she smiled and walked away.

Rosa snatched the yellow paper from your hands, “I’ll give this back, if you promise to talk to that hot ass man sitting next to the register.”

You hadn’t noticed where he was sitting, but if Rosa got up to try to pay, she’d probably spill her mozzarella sticks. You went  to take the ticket from her hand.

“Say you will. Or I’ll go talk to him.”

As much as you cared for Rosa, you hated when she got like this, threatening to take a man if you didn’t. And she made good on her threats.

“Fine,” You finally took the ticket, “I’ll talk to him. You call an Uber while I pay.”

You got up from the table and made your way to the register. You waited for someone to meet you and take your card. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the tall man nursing his last beer. It was dark, probably Guinness. You could feel Rosa’s eyes on you, and you wish you could find someone attractive or have a crush without being forced to act on it. 

“Can I help you?” The man asked, taking you by surprise. He didn't turn his head to talk to you, but he spoke with an accent your half-drunk brain couldn’t comprehend.

“Oh, no, not unless you work here,” You joked.

“Well then why do you keep looking at me?” He asked rudely. You couldn’t tell if he really wanted an answer. You paused for what seemed like a moment too long.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” You said half-truthfully. “I just feel like I’ve seen you before.”

“You’d remember if you’d seen me.” The words would’ve sounded cocky if it wasn’t for his somber tone. 

Before you could say anything, a small man appeared from a set of doors and held out his hand for your ticket. You handed it to him.

“I hope Sandor isn’t giving you a hard time,” He said, smiling at you. His nametag read “Terry.”

The man, Sandor, scoffed, earning another smile from Terry. You shook your head and someone yelled for Terry in the kitchen. As you took the receipt, scribbling the tip and your signature, you remembered where you had seen Sandor before.

As he took a swig of his beer, you asked, “You wouldn’t happen to be Sandor Clegane, would you?”

“How many more Sandors are there?” Okay, you knew that definitely was rhetorical.

“I’m sorry,” You found yourself apologizing, “I just realized where I knew you from. You work with my ex boyfriend, Meryn.”

“Meryn,” He repeated. Was that disgust in his voice? “Meryn Trant?”

He turned to face you when he repeated Meryn’s name, and you could see why he told you that you’d remember seeing him. A majority of the other side of his face was covered in a burn scar. You focused on his nice beard instead.

“Unfortunately.”

You gently set the bar’s copy of the receipt and the pen down on the counter. You hoped Sandor would say something else, but Rosa hugged you from behind. She noticed Sandor looking at you and stuck out her hand.

“I’m Rosa,” She said with a big smile. Sandor turned away with huff and eye roll, eliminating any chance of furthering the conversation.

She suppressed a smile as she gave you a who-does-this-guy-think-he-is look.You forced a smile in return. You grabbed her by the arm and gently pulled her away. The Uber was probably there.

You took a few steps before looking over your shoulder, “It was nice to officially meet you, Sandor.”

He looked over his shoulder as well, nodding. Outside, you poured Rosa into the Uber.

[sophieinwonderland]

(Might as well get this reply to a syscourse post about me out of my drafts too.)

You hit the nail on the head when you said "if it's not fun" that you don't see the point, even if it also has to do with what you believe you're doing to help. You're here to have fun firstly, and if the work of eradicating bigotry isn't fun, you're not all that interested.

I've been here for years having the same discussions, trying to help people when I can and do my best to help grow the community and counter misinformation where I see it.

And there are a lot of days when it can feel exhausting.

I'm one person. And I'm arguably not even an entire one of those. I don't front nearly as much as my host, and most of the time I get ends up dedicated to this.

So yes, I do want some of the time I spend on this blog to be on topics I enjoy.

And nitpicking this just feels gross and manipulative.

I don't particularly care about the anti-psych conversation. I think we all agree there are significant flaws in the psych system. It just seems to me that your plan to fix those flaws would be destroying what's there and rebuilding it completely, where I would prefer the Ship of Theseus approach of replacing it bit by bit.

I don't generally use spoon theory much, but I don't know a better way to put it than saying I don't have the spoons to hash this out. Or at least, it's not somewhere I think would be beneficial to dedicate them towards. 🤷‍♀️

The heart of deradicalization is compassion. To disentangle bigotry from big, messy emotions, you have to approach it from an emotional standpoint.

Absolutely! This is 100% true! If you want to deradicalize, this is the best approach.

When it works, anyway. Thing is, I tried this approach early on. Spent a couple months talking to an anti-endo. I honestly thought we were on good terms and that I was making progress. We had been exchanging questions about our own experiences with plurality.

Then when I was banned, they turned around and cheered along with most of the anti-community.

Even then, I wasn't going to completely give up on compassion. I tried more. But the thing about notoriety, whether deserved or not, is that it immediately poisons any attempt at genuine conversation. By this point, I had already gotten a rather undeserved reputation among anti-endos, and if I tried communicating publicly with one, it wouldn't be long before they got an anon or reblog telling them how bad I supposedly was.

And while I feel my reputation was undeserved at the time, I realized that if I would never be able to convince them, I might as well play into my role as the boogeyman anti-endos want me to be.

No, calling anti-endos worse than parasites and an evil hate group is probably not going to deradicalize them. But they've already been fed so many lies about me personally and are primed to disregard anything I say anyway. Compassion from me won't work.

You know what I think this tactic does do, though? I think it shifts the middle ground for people who can't make a decision. Many people have a natural attraction to the center. It's a logical fallacy, but this too is rooted in emotions.

If the spectrum is "endos are scientifically impossible and are hurting trauma survivors and you're ableist for supporting them," and just "endogenic systems are actually real and valid," what do you think "neutral" means in such an environment? Because to me, it seems like centrism lands in favor of the anti-endo when these are the extremes presented to neutrals.

But amp up pro-endo rhetoric to match that of anti-endos, replying with "anti-endos are an evil anti-science hate group bent on hurting a marginalized community for existing," and now the center alignment shifts a bit more in the pro-endo direction.

And to be clear, this isn't far off from how I've always felt. The only things that's changed was a willingness to say it out loud. But I don't actually need to convince everyone this is true. I just need to shift what appears to be the moderate position to something that would actually be more moderate and advantageous to us.

...

And that brings me to one final gambit I'm making.

That I'm am going to lose people with these idea. That there will be some pro-endos who will be pushed away from this blog by me labeling anti-endos as a hate group or by my tactics in the way I respond to them.

These pro-endos will shift more towards moderate stances.

And that, IMO, can be useful too. Because it positions them to do what I can't, where they'll appear more approachable and "reasonable" to anti-endos. That allows these systems to do what I can't and be able to connect with people on the other side.

There is a reason why I will often turn a blind eye to pro-endos who are saying horrible things about me, personally, and just let them carry on. (As long as they aren't attacking other members of the community.) It's because, whether they are with me or against me, as long as they're pro-endo, they're still useful in spreading our message.

And I'll admit, this might be a dangerous play. Push people too far, and they might go straight to the anti-endo side.

But... I don't see that as too much of a risk... despite playing into the boogeyman persona anti-endos gave me, I have lines I don't cross. I'm not sending threats. I'm not saying people deserve to die. I'm not going on to positivity posts to start fights like Hyaena-Bites did back in the day. And if I see pro-endos crossing these lines, I do my best to rein them in or call them out.

I've intentionally established myself as an extremist in my views and rhetoric, certainly. But not in my actions.

Finally, for all that you position yourself as an expert in psychology, ironically, you yourself are acting in a way that serves to further radicalize anti-endos. Rather than learning and engaging with genuine, known, deradicalization tactics, you are the perfect "enemy" for the genuinely malicious anti-endos to use to convince the ones indoctrinated into thinking they're doing good that pro endos are dangerous.

To be clear, I've never positioned myself as an expert in psychology. I'm a girl with a blog who did a couple free psychology courses and has read a few papers in a very specialized area of interest.

But I think this line of reasoning is silly. Anti-endos are always going to be able to find targets to vilify and make into an enemy.

I just figure that if their enemy is inevitably going to be someone, it might as well be me. I think I'm better able to take harassment than many others in this community.

Putting a giant bullseye on my chest isn't an accident. It's an intentional decision.

But also... am I really? Am I really the "perfect enemy" to convince anti-endos that the endogenic community is dangerous?

Because guess what? There are a lot of pro-endos out there who take things too far. There was the doxxing incident a couple years ago. There are people who send death threats. There are people who send gore. There are genuinely abusive people who have been in various endogenic communities. That's not a problem with the community. It's just a fact that every large community is going to have bad people in it.

And then there's me who... is not always totally polite? Comes off a bit strong? Calls anti-endos a hate group? Calls them evil?

Do you really think this actually compares to the worst things in the community?

Does this really seem "dangerous" to you by comparison?

[celebrityxcrushes]

JEALOUSY, JEALOUSY pt. 2

-

Pairing: Lo'ak x (metkayina) f!reader

Word count: 1836

Part 1

-

For the fifth time that day, you made your way towards the Sully family's sleeping pod. Entering it, you let out a soft groan of disappointment at the sight of Neteyam.

"Happy to see you too," Neteyam retorted sarcastically. From your grim expression, it was clear to him that something was bothering you, and so he beckoned for you to sit down next to him.

"What's wrong?"

You had assumed that Kiri had filled him in about what had happened the night before, but perhaps you had been mistaken.

Deciding that you should fill him in, you let out a sigh. "It's Lo'ak."

It was obvious that Lo'ak was avoiding you. No matter how many places you looked, or how many people you asked, you had no luck in locating him.

Your village, albeit beautiful, was quite small. It should not be this hard to find someone. Especially not a member of the Sully family; since they, due to their lack of knowledge about the area, preferred to stay in the most populated parts of the village.

A few minutes later, you had finished retelling everything to Neteyam. For the entirety of your rambling, he had stayed quiet - letting you vent your frustration.

"Just relax," He finally spoke up. "You'll find him eventually, and then you can both confess properly and this whole thing can be forgotten about."

His words of encouragement, however, did nothing to ease your nerves. If anything, it increased your stress levels. Unlike Neteyam, you weren't so confident about this having a positive outcome.

"That will never happen!" You sulked. "Obviously he doesn't feel the same way, and tries to spare my feelings by avoiding me instead of outright rejecting me."

"No way." He shook his head.

He knew his brother better than most; perhaps even better than all. Despite Lo'ak's attempts of keeping his feelings for a secret, Neteyam could tell. It didn't matter that Lo'ak never outright admitted the crush. It was obvious.

"Look, I have no clue why my brother is avoiding you. That part is weird," he admitted, "but trust me on this - he likes you too."

Taking a moment to think, he started absentmindedly fiddling with the beads on his necklace. Not many seconds later though, he perked up.

"He has to come home at some point to sleep, or dad will seriously beat him. If he tries to disappear again tomorrow, Kiri and I will stop him. We'll help you."

Although you weren't all so sure about his plan, you gave him a hesitant nod. "Alright, thanks."

-

Early the next morning, the Sully siblings decided to launch their plan into action.

Immediately after breakfast, Lo'ak had stood up and tried to excuse himself. Neteyam, however, had been quick to interrupt his exit. "Actually, I need some help with this spear I'm making. Could you give me a hand first?"

With furrowed eyebrows, Lo'ak felt forced to agree to Neteyam's request. He didn't know why Neteyam would ask for his assistance on making a spear - as everybody knew Neteyam was the better at crafting things. But with his parents sitting right next to them, clearly expecting him to be a helpful brother, he couldn't deny.

"Uh, sure, I can try to help."

As the two brothers exited the marui together, Neteyam quickly signed for Kiri to also hurry along to get you.

Some minutes later, back in your own family's marui, your ears perked up as you heard rapid footsteps approaching.

"Y/N," Kiri shouted as she barged in.

Not even giving you the chance to reply, she grabbed your hand and started dragging you with her. "Come on, Lo'ak is finally free for you to speak with him."

You knew they meant well, both her and Neteyam, but you couldn't help but to feel like they overwhelmed you a bit. "Just slow down. Please."

With a roll of her eyes, she slowed down a little. "Do you want to talk things through with my brother or not?"

It really was more of a rhetorical question though, seeing how her hand was still tightly gripped around yours - forcing you to follow.

-

The two of you had sat across from each other like this multiple times before. Not once though, had it ever felt awkward. On the contrary; you and Lo'ak simply clicked from day one. It didn't take many days for you to consider him one of your closest companions. Whenever the two of you hung out, you would normally talk each other's brains out.

Up until now.

When you and Kiri arrived outside her family's pod, she and Neteyam immediately ditched and left you alone with Lo'ak. However, neither of you had spoken a word since they left - instead opting for an awkward silence.

"So," Lo'ak eventually spoke up. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

He didn't mean for the words to come out as harshly as they did; but he was avoiding you for a reason. Talking to you, and even simply being near you, hurts too much.

As he watched you nervously chew on your bottom lip, he wanted nothing more than to kiss you.

"Um.. Well, it's about what Kiri and I talked about in your pod." You noticed how Lo'ak seemed to look anywhere but at you, which made your voice falter slightly. "I don't know how much of it you heard, but-"

Sharply, Lo'ak interrupted you. "I heard everything."

"Oh." Another awkward pause followed.

A small part of you was disappointed. Deep down you had hoped for him not to have heard anything, and for his disappearance and weird behavior to have a completely different explanation. That way, this could all be forgotten about, and you could go back to hiding your feelings.

Taking a deep breath, you wiped your sweaty palms on your loincloth. 'Focus on the positive', you told yourself. At least this way you didn't have to confess your feelings to his face.

"Well," you tried to speak up again, "what do you think of it?"

Lo'ak was confused and annoyed, all at once. Was this what you needed to talk to him about? Your feelings for his brother? As if it wasn't bad enough that the two of you had betrayed him like this, you now had to corner him and flaunt it to him too?

Taking deep breaths, he tried his best to calm himself. He wasn't really angry with you, not really. Deep down he knew that neither of you technically had betrayed him. Neither of you knew about Lo'ak's feelings.

To be honest, he was only upset with himself for thinking that he even stood a chance with you in the first place.

"I don't really care," he shrugged, trying his best to appear casual.

Your entire posture faltered at his words. He didn't care that you had feelings for him. As much as it broke your heart, it also made you angry.

The two of you were friends. Even if he didn't like you back, you deserved a better rejection than this.

"You don't care at all? I find that really hard to believe."

"Okay," he agreed bitterly. He had tried his best to seem non-bothered. If you wanted to push him like this, then fine. "I'll be honest."

A small pause followed as he desperately tried to contain his emotions; but failed. "It makes me mad. I honestly thought you were better than this."

Lo'ak felt relief spread through his body. It felt good to let out the pent up anger he had been carrying the last couple of days.

"Wow, I never pegged you as such an ass."

You were absolutely livid. Albeit you hadn't expected him to return your feelings, this reaction was far from what you had imagined even as worst case scenario. Was he truly so disgusted by the thought of you liking him that it angered him?

Involuntary tears formed in your eyes, and you tried to blink them away. You were already humiliated enough, you didn't want to give him the satisfaction of making you cry too.

Lo'ak let out a sigh in frustration. Shit, he had made you cry. No matter how hurt he was, that was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

"Look," he softened his voice and shuffled slightly closer to you, "I'm sorry but I-, well it bothers me to think about you and Neteyam."

Your frown deepened, "Me and Neteyam? Lo'ak, what are you talking about? There's nothing going on between us."

Lo'ak blinked three times in a row, trying to process what you had just said.

He genuinely didn't understand what was going on. Could he have heard something wrong the previous night? But no, he was sure that you admitted to having feelings for-

Realization hit him like a punch to his gut. Kiri asked if you had feelings for her brother, but she never mentioned Neteyam by name. But if it wasn't Neteyam you had feelings for, that only left one other option...

"Wait, you have feelings for me?" He felt ecstatic at the mere thought of you returning his feelings.

"Why are you acting like this is brand new information to you when you just said you heard me and Kiri talking?" You scoffed and took a step back; as if you were planning to leave.

Lo'ak mentally cursed himself. How could he have been this dense?

"I did hear you talk, but I thought you were talking about Neteyam. Shit, I'm such a skxawng."

You merely shrugged at his words. "Well yeah, you can be one sometimes."

You probably should have stayed more mad, but you couldn't stop the intense feeling of relief that simmered through your body. His harsh words suddenly made sense. Lo'ak didn't hate you, he simply misunderstood the situation at hand.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N."

With no hesitation, you engulfed him in a hug. His loose braids tickled your neck as his familiar scent filled your nose. In that moment you felt so content that you almost forgot to wonder about why Lo'ak was so bothered about the thought of you and his brother together.

Almost.

Pulling back slightly, you looked into his eyes. "I forgive you, but only if you give me an honest answer on something."

Ignoring the nervous flutter in his stomach, he agreed with a nod.

"Why did it bother you so much when you thought I liked Neteyam?"

As you awaited his reply, it suddenly hit you just how close the two of you were. Your faces were merely inches apart; so close that you felt his breath softly hit your face.

[rolorules]

How Rolo Rolls Special 6: I Saved You Because You're a Liar!

Warning: Monstrously long text and a stupid screenshot ahead under the cut.

August 17 is a good day to revisit Turn 19, particularly Rolo's dying scene and Lelouch's and Rolo's final dialogues (the first one being more of a monologue since Lelouch is always cut short by Rolo stopping the time). I already wrote about it in the respective regular instalments of How Rolo Rolls, which can be found here and here. However, I would like to go a little more into detail and add a few thoughts, particularly on the issue whether Rolo really believed that Lelouch was lying when he told him he hated him and had repeatedly tried to kill him.

So let's rewind to the scene where the two of them break up (in a manner of speaking). Rolo and Jeremiah had to seize Lelouch's Knightmare Frame because he had completely lost it (Lelouch, not the Knightmare). They are back at the Ikaruga, and Rolo has to half-carry Lelouch to his quarters. Lelouch is devastated, but Rolo does a REALLY poor job at reading the room. He takes his brother's presumed loss WAY too lightly, and when Jeremiah calls, he talks FAR too casually with him, dismissing Nunnally's supposed demise as "not a big deal". Ah well, only Rolos rush in where angels fear to tread. Or something like that.

This complete lack of empathy practically asks for an angry outburst on Lelouch's part, and all his pent-up anger and resentment about Rolo taking Nunnally's place (in different ways) comes to the fore. Lelouch spits it in Rolo's face, aiming at maximum emotional devastation (even stylistically: "I hate you, I loathe you, I despise you." climactic enumeration), and he is extremely successful. Rolo may have suspected something, but his shocked face reveals that he did not expect THAT. This row is really ugly, but, as I wrote before probably a necessary step in their relationship.

Right now, they are both hurting. Take a look at the scenes at 10:37 and 10:42, how lonely and forlorn they both look. Rolo looks at the Locket, and it is safe to assume that he is reassessing his and Lelouch's relationship, first and foremost asking himself whether he should leave Lelouch and go away. Approaching him and trying to reconcile would have been difficult, but the need to save Lelouch facilitates things in a way.

The episode is called "Betrayal", it's a story of estrangement on various levels, between Lelouch and the Black Knights (who betray him) and between Lelouch and Rolo (who remains loyal). When they confront him, Lelouch chooses not to explain himself but to be defiant. He does this to protect Kallen, but maybe also out of false pride. Why does he tell the Black Knights that he had only used them (like Rolo) and that they were only pawns in his game? Yes, he did not reveal his true identity to them and he clearly had his own agenda, but it was not just a game for him, and his goals more or less aligned with those of the Black Knights. So this seems like false bravado to me.

Anyway, Rolo comes to the rescue, and off they go. Lelouch tries to convince Rolo that saving him is a bad idea, but his appeal is permanently interrupted by Rolo's time-stopping Geass. In total, it goes like this:

"Stop it, Rolo. You've done enough. - Rolo, I have no reason to live anymore. - Using your Geass over such a large area! Rolo, it's way too much. Your heart can't take so much strain. - That's enough, Rolo, I don't want to live anymore. - Don't do... this, Rolo. Why are you still trying... to save me? You know that I... I was only usi... using you. Rolo!!! - No, stop using your Geass like that. Do you want to die?"

All in all, this is a somewhat disturbing mix of Lelouch having lost his will to live and being worried about Rolo. (The last question is probably meant to be rhetorical, but is it really? Did Rolo intend this to be a suicide mission?)

In his reply (which Lelouch can't hear), Rolo tentatively acknowledges that Lelouch has been using him, but his rationale is that despite this fact, "only the time I spent with you was real." We all know that this is not the case, much if not most of it was fake, and Rolo knows that, too. What he means is that, for the first time, he felt alive, and these experiences helped him find his own humanity. This is probably why the English dub goes for "only the time I spent with you seemed real."

(As a quick aside, the scenes that appear before Rolo's inner eye when he talks about "those memories that finally made me human" are: the two brothers riding Rivalz' bike, peeling potatoes - with Lelouch touching Rolo's hand, Rolo keeping watch by Lelouch's bedside, and finally the closet scene during the Cupid Day hunt for Lelouch, the one thing I am a hundred per cent sure Lelouch was really grateful to Rolo for doing. So Rolo enjoyed that. Figures.)

When they have finally landed, Lelouch seems to have stopped wallowing in self-pity and asks Rolo in a really gentle voice: "Rolo, why did you save me? After all I've done to you." Rolo's reply is also well known: "Because you're a liar, Big Brother." Lelouch's reaction is a kind of gasp, he really has not seen that coming. In the Japanese dub, it sounds even more like an "Eh, eh?" in the sense of "I can't believe my ears." After all, the Black Knights just tried to execute him for being exactly that.

But Rolo continues to explain that he means that Lelouch was lying when he said that he hated him and tried to kill him - but still seeks confirmation from Lelouch - and Lelouch does confirm it. Whether he really means that or just tries to comfort Rolo has been a controversial issue ever since that episode aired (and I already threw in my tuppence on it), but there is one more detail that I previously overlooked: Rolo tells Lelouch that he knows everything about him (in the English version, Spike Spencer has to say a little more to be in sync with Rolo's lip movements and fills in "I know who you really are inside your heart", once again hitting the nail on the head. Kudos to the people who made the English dub).

Anyway, to this, Lelouch replies: That's right. (Eng. dub.) Yeah. You did. (Eng. sub) そうだよ。/Sou da yo. (Jap.) In other words, he agrees with him, probably not in the sense that Rolo can never be fooled by him, in fact, Lelouch has deceived Rolo many times, but in the sense that Rolo knows what the real Lelouch is like (like the English dub implied). The interesting thing here is that Rolo is already dead, and Lelouch has no more reason or motivation to lie. In other words: he might actually be truthful about it.

But what about Rolo? Did he really believe that Lelouch was lying? On one level, I think that Rolo believed that Lelouch meant what he said. His words may have been an exaggeration because he was agonising, but they were certainly fundamentally true, as for once, there was no reason for Lelouch to mince words or dissimulate. Rolo was able to accept the idea that Lelouch had been using him, so he was probably also able to accept his resentment (he'd had his doubts all along, after all, and maybe also a guilty conscience because of Shirley). Maybe he found it a bit harder to believe that Lelouch had tried to kill him repeatedly, as he had claimed, but that's not true anyway, at least to my knowledge. Lelouch made preparations once to blow up Rolo in the Vincent, but he did not carry out his plan. And that was that. (I'm taking this too lightly, too. Killing is just too common in this world.)

However, Rolo probably also assumed, even knew, that this was not the whole truth and that deep down, Lelouch liked and cared about him. And to all we know, he was not wrong. Should he have been more nuanced and talked things over with Lelouch? Not in this situation. He was running out of time, and his priority was to reconcile with his big brother before the end. He was able to do that, so this is fine.

I've had this lying around for ages. Finally the time has come to use it. It looks tragic and funny at the same time.

[dazedpuppydairies]

So I'll admit I'm not super familiar with veldian terminology, but I find it so absolutely brain fucking when I see people say veldian/turian is the (masculine) equivalent to lesbian as if being veldian/turian is inherently masculine and being lesbian is inherently feminine. I know it isn't intentional, but something about it reminds me of lipstick lesbian anti butch terf rhetoric. Some people in this community just really hate nuance and are really stuck on this male female, masculine feminine binary. As a lesbian I feel inclined to talk about this. Queer identity is so incredibly nuanced, it's queer. I think the best shorthand way to describe lesbian is probably queer attraction to women, but I still think it's more nuanced. I don't think lesbian needs a definitive all encompassing definition because it's a very nuanced identity. Also just saying especially as a pangender lesbian/lesboy I really hate the whole non-men loving non-men thing. Anyway calling veldian/turian the masculine version of lesbian is just so ridiculous to me and I had to talk about it. Also If you try to argue exclusionist lesbian discourse in the replies I'm just going to delete it by the way. Genuine good faith questions and critique are welcomed.

[olderthannetfic]

To the person in the replies of the one ask saying “I’ve seen so many popular posts that say ‘op is a terf, this is just terf rhetoric’ so that proves that radfems are reaching people!” oh, how I wish I could be you. I’ve seen people claim it’s “terf rhetoric” to just say basic feminism 101 shit like “men have privilege over women.” Even when those posts explicitly mention trans women as included in the category of “women” (though as a trans person I def feel some kind of way about so many cis “allies” needing that kind of explicit acknowledgment in feminist posts!) I’ve seen people who are explicitly not any kind of terf or radfem and in fact regularly criticize them, harassed as “terfs” by people with axes to grind against them over unrelated issues, who take advantage of the fact that trans people are very cautious online and will often block suspected terfs without question. I’m very glad that you’ve been lucky not to see any of this but honestly you must be naive or new to Tumblr if you haven’t because it’s all over and has been happening for years. I’ve been told I’m transphobic myself (again, I’m trans) for not blocking a longtime mutual over a “terf” accusation — that was based on a “blocklist” made by an anti who is just calling all pro shippers in their fandom “terfs.” The existence of “terf” accusations alone does not prove those accusations are credible, it just proves that Tumblr hates TERFs (as they should) and has learned that calling someone one even without evidence is enough to ruin their good name (not so great). Anyway you’re not disproving anything the OP is saying as they acknowledged that TERFs are a problem with a lot of reach online, they were specifically referring to non-TERF radfems as being irrelevant compared to right wing Christianity.

Also if someone is claiming “this is just TERF rhetoric minus the transphobia” that’s a meaningless statement because transphobia is the main and only feature of what TERFs believe. Most TERFs aren’t radical or any kind of feminist anymore except to get people to sympathize with them, they believe things that contradict feminism and some (like Posie Parker) have explicitly said they’re “not feminists.” If someone is saying “this is TERF rhetoric minus the transphobia” that’s a great blinking red light that they’re full of shit, and it’s always been a feature of the people trying to claim that 101 feminist statements like “men are a privileged class in the same way white people or straight people are, yes not every man benefits from sexism or in the same way and men can support feminism, but as a class they benefit and are privileged over all women including trans women” is somehow “terf rhetoric.”

You’ve gotta use your critical thinking skills, read up on what radfems actually believe so you can learn how to spot and combat their rhetoric on your own. Tumblr won’t help you it will just confuse you.

--

[selfship-confession-box]

OH MY GOODNESS I LOST MY ORIGINAL CONFESSION YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING MEEEEEEE—

OKAY. SO UH.. LET ME TRY TO RETYPE THIS:

SO! First of all: I made two kandi bracelets for a f/o of mine and my s/i for him!! Joy!! But I NEED(not really but like.. the urge to is holding a lot of mental over meh.. so-) to make matching Kandi for me and X🦇 aka batty!!(which: for clarification. Is a nickname for that one f/o. my ride or die, Mr. misunderstood strong with blond hair honey bunches of oats!!)

And like.. I wanna imagine how X🦇 would react to me giving this to him!! Because..

Ok rainbow rat x Batty lore rq

[heh.. rat and bat rhymes.!! >:333]

our relationship starts off as strangers, wonderful!! And like.. I start crushing on him.. maybe even sorta HARD.!! (My s/i has a heavy dousing of being neurodivergent. Like me.) To a point where (my newer friend f/o from the same source as X🦇) uses my struggles w/ talking to him as to help us get together!!! (Thank u btw to her!! Love ya girl!!!!)

And like.. it then turns into a sorta awkward filled friendship between us as he starts crushing as well!! but I’m like. 2 awkward to confess so tension fills!!! Oh noes!!!!

So like.. with that lore in mind (spoiler alert. Rainbow rat x Batty ends with me confessing with a blurted out “screw it what could go wrong?” Jumbled mess right before X🦇 is bout to confess!)

I’m wondering how X🦇 would think if I showed him the kandi I made for us!! I feel like stuff along the lines of “Oh.. that’s cool 🌈🐀..” if we’re imagining this during that pre and mid crushing for him. And like he’d say that with a mostly blank expression while on the inside he’s like.. “*SQUEAL* THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENIBG.???!!!!” Cause I wanna imagine that despite his cold and sometimes mean exterior he can.. be a TOTAL fangirl when he’s happy :3 AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY THINKING OF HIM SQUEALING WITH JOY!!

Another option for reply from him could be like, a small smile and a “That’s nice. Mind if I try it on?” While pointing at the kandi with MY name on it!! This would happen during that time within our mutual crushing friendship where he maybe starts dropping hints or figuring out of the love and romance is mutual!!!

…

Lol uh… can ya tell that I’m going crazy thinking about this scenario, folks? /pos /rhetorical question

Anyways I get to go to bed tonight knowing that if I made us matching kandi bracelets that he’d totally wear them and we’d get to match… cause like.. friends make matching kandi with hearts beside the names for each other and then also wear tjose same matching accessories.. right?? ….. RIGHT???!!! 🌈🐀<3🦇👍👍👍👍

Okay that’s all for my much needed expression of my love for my sweet guy!! Happy selfshipping folks!! <33

Sincerely, 🌈🐀!! [ps. I think more people should make matching bracelets/kandi for themselves and their f/os!!!]

.