#also my toxic trait i love making people feel like they can protect me and take care of me :////

[megkuna]

horror is fun but only when i say so as in only when i have sb to cling to when i am 'scared'

[nemesyaaa]

chit chat talk on my thoughts about momma's rafe with mommy issues, it's clearly messy and long, guys but if you're curious i'm here <33 and why i think this rafe will fear the idea of love / and a big loser with a lot of issues (and why i'm a rafe apologist). nobody ask tho, so feel free to ignore

i really like to speculate on the fact that rafe is a momma’s boy, and i actually think that he has more mommy issues than daddy issues. for me all his attitude, this excess anger, this need for validation and approval, these insecurities, this rage and violence, his lack of consideration/communication and perspective, this inability to think before acting, this madness at the interior comes more from the loss of his mother than from the toxic presence of his father. but is anyone interested?

anyways, I'm still going to confess about it because I need to talk about this. I'm one of those who think that Rafe had a good relationship with his mother, good enough that it affected the person he is today. I'm sure she saved him from all the difficulties, never allowed him to think he was wrong, to face his actions, or to consider the seriousness of what he could do. and as a result, she did not allow him to solve his problems for himself, to see the wrong/bad in his actions.

— he ALWAYS thinks that what he is doing is right, that other people are the problem. rafe never thinks he's the problem. if he has to blame anyone, it will NEVER be him. and this is often the result given by a momma's boy when he becomes a grown man. what i mean is that rafe is not really a pathetic loser, but more emotionally immature, you know? he thinks he is important enough for the world to adjust to his expectations. that there will always be someone behind to save him.

and obviously, that explains one of his notable traits. THE GRUDGE. rafe is a resentful person who doesn't accept being stood up to him whether he is at fault or not. just as he refuses criticism. he responds to criticism and refusal with violence or withdrawal, and this is currently his only way of communication. men with mommy issues don't often express themselves, about what they really think, and most of the time, because we've never let them talk about it. They've gotten used to keeping it inside them until they explode, and when they explode, we know what it's look like. they do not like to hear that they are wrong, nor to hear from others that they have faults. they were brooded by very protective and controlling mothers who made them completely unstable men, and incapable of having healthy relationships, and balanced behavior, by the dependence that they triggered in their son.

— i also think that if rafe will never recognize his wrongs, it is because he is certain that it makes him weak, or that it makes him a failure. and for him, this idea is inconceivable. (rafe + toxic masculinity = match.)

so, unpopular opinion, but i don't think rafe should have a relationship with anyone on the show, it would ruin his character. but in my momma's boy world, I would find it impossible to establish a relationship, or at least HEALTHY, with him. because his opinion on women is rather controversial. I don't see him loving anyone, and if that were to happen, it would be very harmful for him, and for the person. already his vision of women in the series

(even from a sister, well….). men with mother issues are often very dismissive of women, don't care how they can hurt them, often speak very disrespectfully or rudely about them. This does not mean that they cannot have relationships with them, nor fall in love, but only that they have more difficulty respecting a woman who does not meet their high standards. very Freud, but for them, the perfect woman is a woman like their mother (I don't know if you know what I mean.) But momma's boys idealize their mothers, they are the figures who created them, goddesses who are always right and who are constantly there for them. and literally perfect.

so the REASONS WHY I THINK RAFE CANNOT HAVE LOVELY RELATIONSHIPS IN THE SERIES/IN MY MOMMA’S BOY RAFE CODED is because his standards are TOO high and not necessarily respectful towards the woman. If you know what I mean.

he was pampered by his mother throughout his childhood. he expects the same behavior from his girlfriend/wife. This is why he will turn more towards a woman who is not independent, or who has too many expectations on him.

so can you imagine a relationship with this rafe?? you're going to have to deal with a lot of conflicts. because know that you will never be enough for him. there will always be something wrong. and it will ALWAYS, I mean it, ALWAYS be your fault.

rafe will clearly be toxic because he will always need to be reassured, to know where you are, who you are with. and no matter how many times you tell him, he'll need to see it for himself. he doesn't trust you, even if you are his girlfriend, you will have to work hard to have his respect and even his trust. you will clearly have to excel, but above all, don't dare criticize him, never point out his faults. because he will have anger issues, and you will be the one and only or victim.

OH AND SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU but this Rafe will probably cheat on you more than once, and especially with different women, because one is not enough, but above all they will all have different roles in his life. not have the same importance, the same action in his daily life. a man with mommy issues will have cheating tendencies, he may have a woman for sex, a woman for emotional support, a woman completely opposite to his standards. a man with mommy issues, both needs someone, but also needs “substitute” people. “. to be honest dkzdizi, he needs to USE women. I know it's triggering but it's the truth.

so you will have to deal with the void that his mother left, good luck 💀💀💀

SECOND REASON, the idea of a relationship would TERRIFY RAFE. I'm not trying to victimize him, but I really think RAFE would HATE THE IDEA OF A RELATIONSHIP, because he would feel trapped. really. it's too intimate for him.

but at the same time, I like to think that he wants to be loved. or at least to be understood, because I honestly think that even he doesn't really understand what's wrong with him. he acts by instinct. These are his reflexes. and it hurts my heart this need for validation, I think his mother's departure was one of the worst events of his life. because he was never really close to his father. and now he had everything to prove to him. after his mother left, he had to continue to be important, to play a role, to satisfy someone.

but how do we go from a loving parental figure to one who is totally indifferent?

WHY IS RAFE A BIT OF A LOSER IN ANY SORT? oh yes, you also like this confidence that he has, which makes you believe that he is really super mean and terrible? but above all he is someone who is very anxious, whiny and in dire need of validation. sorry but all of Rafe's esteem is literally based on what people think of him, especially ward. (in the first seasons anyway.) he needs constant approval, he needs to be looked at and heard, too bad if people think he's crazy. he needs attention, bad or good.

behind all this rage, he needs to be reassured and to hear that he is a good boy. and speaking of which, i think his mommy issues also explain his conflicted relationship with rose cameron.

and i also have to say that rafe's relationships are based solely on his self esteem, and it shows with topper and kelce. +barry. but mostly with the trio. he needs relationships where he feels privileged and valued. but be careful, I'm not saying that rafe is incapable of creating connections, but who will create relationships THAT BENEFIT HIM ONLY. So the idea of Rafe being friends with a pogue is not impossible, but he would need a reason to trust this person.

MOMMA’S BOY!RAFE is very toxic, because there is no equality for him. for him, it is very clear, men and women are not at the same level. and , it seems like I hate Rafe but I swear I adore him, I find him super interesting and I love talking about him, but I have to tell the truth, because it shows in the way he treats women. he clearly has issues with that. but if I can reassure you, not only do I think he feels superior to women, but to the MEN around him, generally.

in general life he is also very toxic because he is jealous. I told you he was an emotionally immature but above all human loser. that is, people's success clearly prevents him from being happy. what's more, it doesn't help his self-esteem, and it doesn't flatter his ego. support others? no way. the triumph of others robs him of his own glory, his own success. he thinks the world is unfair every time, although let's be clear he is very privileged, but like I told you, this Rafe feels very important

I talk a lot but his mother was the first woman who loved him, who made him understand that he was important, who gave him this feeling of “confidence”. to finish because it becomes very long, we can think that he has no feelings, that he feels nothing, that the loss does not grieve him, but that is very false. on the contrary, he suffers very deeply inside. mommy issues are very serious in men, especially when they become adults and have to face real problems, but this time, all ALONE.

This Rafe is very sensitive and delicate. i actually have a lot of thoughts about this. I'm so curious about the story with his mother, and it would provide so many answers about this behavior. note that I am speculating, and that perhaps this is all false but I like to think so. if you read, thank you very much, it’s a pleasure!!!!😭😭😭😭

[mrsoftthoughts]

Maybe im late to do this

But I'm bored, so come with me to my rambling about my personal opinion towards some of Nico di Angelo ships and Rating each one

(Disclaimer: Nothing here goes with intention of offend someone,i always try to be respectful but if something that i say here sounds rude, feel free to tell, I never notice how bad can sound something until someone else points it out)

-Percico/ Nicerci 4/10

Honestly i admire the people that ship this and doesn't give a fuck about what other people say, some of the fan artist and writers make things soo good that should be in a museum

But it's not my personal liking, i only like this when its the exploration of Nico's unrequited crush on Percy , but i honestly I never liked when Nico and Percy had a 100% good relationship of any kind, because their dynamic is complicated at best ( i could talk about it for hours while im probably crying because both are pretty dear to me) and i prefer to think that now their are just "neutral" to each other ( see that part of my description that says "bittersweet relationships sucker" this is why is there) and all that extends to that i cant see these two in a romantic relationship

But that's all, is just not my personal liking, i don't mind the existence of this couple and once again, the people that makes content from them are really talented an deserve all my respect, you guys always come out with the best ideas for angst and i love that of all of you

-Jasico 9/10

They're Cute!! Honestly i don't have my own ideas for them but the Romantic content of these two 90% of the times it's good and i enjoy it ,I really value their friendship more that any other dynamic so i prefer them in a platonic way,but that doesn't mean that i don't get the vision, they really had potential and the people out there are using it

-Solangelo 5/10 or 11/10

The two rates exist because i honestly feel they relationship in canon as one of the worst ways that existed to make them a couple, it's obvious that they are supposed to be something cute and healthy, but all their development is out of screen and then they are just introduced as a couple when Apollo and meg made it to camp, some of their scenes leave me feeling that Nico is out of characters and also in order to give Will the rol of "protective boyfriend" Nico feels quite weak and Will doesn't get many chances of get out that role for being his own character, and he had a lot o potential

(And I'm not be talking about TsatS because is just all the fails of their relationship but multiplied by 1000, ooc, plot holes and toxic traits all around, it's not that bad as a read, but as canon content it is)

But as the saying goes "if you want something done right, do it yourself"

And that's exactly what I do with them, because in this housedhold we don't tolerate wasted potential of any kind, and they relationship deserved better , because honestly the things we know about them and their individual personalities just feels as a good mach and even if the things wouldn't be perfect, no couple it's at the start so it's ok

I also like them in a platonic way, but i think that just like i appreciate more platonic jason and Nico because that how i was introduced to them i lead more towards see them in a romantic one

So Canon gets 5/10 because " it's the tough that counts" ig?

And 11/10 goes for what they could have been ,should be in canon and are in my mind

( i talk abou my thoughts of them a little bit more in this Post if you want to check)

-Nicobaster 9/10

I know, it's a rare ship, but They can be interesting on any kind of relationship and why not make it romantic?? there's a lot of dynamics of where to chose and the alternative AUs that i see of them are great,Cthonic demigod X Cthonic demigod is a good base, I don't have much to say apart from that

Except that you can blame @drksanctuary content for make me like the ship in first place

-Valdangelo 4/10

Not a bad ship ig, i just don't see them as a couple and I don't even now why, i just can't see it , and i also have a pretty strong headcanon of Leo as aromantic so its hard for me to see him in Romantic relationships, but i have nothing against it so that's all

-Clovico 7/10

Another rare ship, one that I've seen around but honestly don't have a a lot to say, i like the little that we see from Clovis and i always like the Cthonic demigod X Cthonic demigod so 7/10 just due the lack of content

-Nico x literally any woman -80000000/10

I love Nicos platonic relationships with the womans in his life, can we keep that PLATONIC ??

[yanxidarlings]

been re-reading a couple of @hp-hcs yandere works which has sent me on a cormac mclaggen tangent. like what if the slytherins weren't there to save the darling? take them out of the equation and boy do you have one miserable reader.

mclaggen has not a shred of actual love as a yandere. with yandere's like theodore, draco, enzo, ect, there's the potential for a semi-normal relationship given the darling 'tolerates' their yandere tendencies. whilst mglaggen's just a piece of shit all-around.

he'll take the breaking of boundaries to another level, and he won't do it in private like zacharias smith might have the decency to do. he'll straight up make-out with them in public, established relationship or not. there's not exactly much his darling can do, man's a quidditch player which is all you need to know about his strength. you want to try? i mean go ahead but he's pretty trigger-happy.

he will not listen if you express discomfort with his actions or presence. and is one of the few yandere's that doesn't really care to get to know his darling particularly well. he see's them as more of an object than a person, which is one of his most toxic traits as a yandere.

fully acts like you two are in a relationship after a while of forcing himself into his darling's life. i don't say committed relationship because of his very few tolerable traits as a yandere - he's not really the jealous type. now that's not to say his darling can have a whole harem on the side but does he care if they have male friends or if they're kissing other people? not particularly.

what really sets him off is being neglected and rejected (as if he pays them any attention). if for a moment he starts to feel like his darlings other relations are getting in his way, consider your freedom gone. cormac's method of keeping his darling in check is much more.. macabre then other yanderes. he's not smart enough to manipulative them, not popular enough to scare others away, not charismatic enough to convince them to ditch everyone else for him, nor is he magically talented enough to conjure up a spell or brew a potion to fix his problems, but he is strong enough to scare them into obediance.

despite all this, his protectiveness over his darling is kind of endearing, at times, on occasion. some days cormac will take their spoon and blow on their pumpkin soup, so their tongue doesn't get burned, and sometimes be'll go as far as to push them down the moving stairs just to whip out his broom and save them. but please do praise him for his chivalry afterwards, or he'll start to feel neglected again and god forbid that ever happens.

i honestly think he'd be in top 10 worst yandere's to have. im thinking of making an official ranking once i've gone through all the characters. i also think he's one of the characters with the most yandere potential. pretty sure lavender brown tops that list.

some others characters i plan to analyse as yandere: cedric, pansy, platonic!uncle!regulus that miraculously survived and is now sirius's sons guardian after popping out from the abyss, fleur (+bill??), i want to write for gred and forge but idk how to approach them, Ernie MacMillan (but only because I like my fancast of him), rita skeeter (BUT with WoW margot robbie as the fancast), platonic!tomhughes!voldemort!, luna, krum, Oliver Wood (but his broom is his darling), random wizard #4 mentioned once in the entire series

[wickjump]

What's your opinion on Bitties

Like

Are they more pets??? People??? People you keep as pets???

Would it be morally okay for a bitty killer and normal sized Cross to date???

Idk I just want your opinion on this please please please please please please please

I love bitties. They are my favorite thing ever and I’m in the middle of drawing my sona with them actually. As for morality and how I view bitties, it’s different compared to a lot of peoples’ interpretations.

I personally like to view them as pets without sentience higher than that of a dog or cat, but that’s just me. I don’t feel personally comfortable with the idea of ‘owning’ another human being, so oftentimes I make them animalistic—physically, too. Long skeletal tails, while they can be bipedal they’re just as often quadrupeds and often sit like quadrupeds, have those rat-like feet you see everywhere, little paws and paw pads, and don’t have the ability to speak. And I would never date a bitty or anything, especially because of those animalistic traits. Zero way for them to consent because they don’t have that type of communication. Though most of the time I draw them standing/sitting like ‘normal’ people because quadrupeds are the one thing I can’t draw.

They’re a type of pet that resemble characters I like, in my opinion. Both in looks and temperament. Though I also toy with the idea of them being more ‘human-like’ because it can be fun, I get uncomfortable easily depending on how they’re treated or the worldbuilding surrounding them. I like personally comparing them to rats because they scurry around like rats and got tails and feet like rats and they’re terribly ratlike

Some people characterize them as children or child-like, which can get iffy very easily. It depends heavily on how they’re treated and what their ‘purpose’ is in-world. Them being childlike can be okay under certain circumstances but it can get sour quickly. Do you treat them like you’d treat any other ‘normal’ child? Do you make it accessible for them to function normally, so they don’t depend on your every whim, like how a normal-sized child is able to access the fridge when you’re away? Do you leave them home alone, or does someone watch over them? Are their emotional needs and physical needs met? Do they have agency and control over aspects in their lives? Would they be protected by law from mistreatment? These questions are important with discussing morality.

I personally wouldn’t view it as morally okay for a bitty a normal sized person/monster to date. Even if they’re characterized as just normal and mature people but smaller, I feel the power imbalance is wild. You purchase and own bitties, you’re often the sole caretaker for those bitties, those bitties are unable to function on their own, and that could turn toxic very easily. When you’re fully able to withhold basic needs with nobody to stop you, that can get fucked up pretty quickly. But again that’s my own thing, I’m sure there are people out there who’ve made it so they can date and it be morally okay, through the power of insane worldbuilding, but it’s just not my jam.

Ultimately though I don’t really care about the morals of having bitties too much because they’re little skeleton buddies and the people who make them mean no harm with them. Similarly to how characters in TV shows will have animal/magical companions that speak, are either adult-like mature or childish, and have sentience, but not any real agency over their lives, yet we don’t discuss the morality of those. It’s made with silly fun goofy intent and not any glorification of real-life dark topics.

As long as you don’t abuse the bitty or date-slash-screw the bitty I really don’t care too much (though there’s obviously exceptions that i will end up caring too much about).

I also like to think bitties are all artificially made and physically genderless too, ‘gender’ is assigned by species rather than physical traits (so genderless and ‘female’ bitties exist too), but that’s my own headcanon

[waitmyturtles]

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 5 ("CH-CH-CH-CHANGES / TURN AND FACE THE STRANGE") EDITION

Well, well, FUCKING well. Man, I am REELING. THAT. Was a HELL of an episode of a drama. Jojo and his team need to applaud themselves.

Let me set this up by sharing with y’all a tweet that really stuck with me after episode 4, but I think it’s pertinent to episode 5:

Now, yes -- this is a touch of a generalization (many of my queer friends are straight-edge-and-or-early-to-bed-while-living-in-cities folx), but I want to note something important in this tweet.

Before I got started on episode 5 last night, after having seen a lot of the meta and reactions on my dash throughout the day, I shot a note to dear @ranchthoughts that I thought I'd have to get a little #oldmom on this episode. Speaking to chibi's note above: toxicity happens to be a common human trait. Seeing that there was QUITE a bit of surprise for Boston's "outing" of Ray to Sand on my dash actually surprised me.

From my lawyer friends, I learned about the following concept, and I just cracked the fuck up the first time I heard it, because it rang really true once I got my head around it: a lawyer friend once told me that when he started out at a typical major American law firm, his orientation included hearing a presentation from an older managing partner about the idea of the "equal opportunity asshole." Meaning: there's workplace harassment against protected classes, like race-based or sex-based harassment. But: can you get sued if you treat EVERYONE AROUND YOU like shit? And, he didn't mean on a personal level, not on an attacking level. Just on an abrupt, aggressive level. A bossy level. A very direct-toned level.

That kind of interaction -- an interaction with an equal opportunity asshole -- we know those kinds of people, right? These kinds of folks are...titchy. They might jump to conclusions. They're rooted in their worldview ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. They lack empathy. They make you feel unsettled. They are emotionally disconnected from you. They have NO interest in being emotionally connected WITH YOU.

When I dove into episode 5, I really thought I'd be writing about Boston as the equal opportunity asshole, and I think that this theory still holds to a great extent, but -- there's a but, a slight and fascinating-to-me but, that I'll get to in a second.

@ranchthoughts did the thing once more of covering EVERYTHING in her episode 5 ephemerality breakdown, so dear Ranch, I'm just gonna repeat some stuff you said in my own words, if you don't mind. First off, a couple of gushes:

1) That blind dining scene had me swooning. "Life is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you're gonna get," was what I was hearing when I was watching that. These lovely idiots are blind to what's happening in front of them, and what that means to them -- BUT THAT'S OKAY, BECAUSE THEY ARE YOUNG. YOUNG AND INEXPERIENCED. The blind dining metaphor, oh gawd -- using your senses to come to realizations about how you're truly feeling, and how to connect better with WHAT you're feeling? Slamming my hands on the table! BRILLIANT. Mew is SO clueless (OR IS HE?!?!??!).

1.5) And -- remember (all you young folks out there!). Youth is fleeting (cc the Ephemerality Squad). What we're watching of this cohort of "friends" is their building their bases of life experiences NOW, that will TEACH them how they will live more EXPERIENCED lives in their futures. Will their lives be better? Who the fuck knows. But their FUTURE LIVES will be shaped by what they're experiencing NOW.

2) Ranch nailed this already, but Sand is just as bad as Ray in living in the annals of time. (He's also naughty for another reason, which I'll get into in a postscript.) He's got the vintage tees, he wants to rewind to Woodstock, he's a fan of mostly classic Brit rock (....I will not call the Arctic Monkeys classic Brit rock, I will not, thus, "mostly," lol.) Dear friend @neuroticbookworm described this phenomenon of Sand's in the frame of Ray dabbling in a day of poverty tourism, as essentially what his day and night with Sand constituted. But I'd also add that Sand's living in a fantasy world of a couple levels to break the monotony of his everyday life. Those flashes of hope that he'll travel to world to festivals one day -- as he clocks 450 baht (around $12 USD) per bottle, as he sings, as he gets up and gets down -- yes, Ray is his fantasy, his non-existent 25th hour, Ray is the break from monotony that Sand needs as a thing to look forward too. Of course it comes crashing down.

3) But it'll come crashing down anyway, because I will posit the following: Sand's survival fantasies are necessary to keep him going by way of motivation, because Sand is going to be held back by others, and not just Ray. Sand is caught in a trap of filial piety. (OH SHIT! GIMME!) He's paying off his mom's debts.

We don't know how much the debts are. [We're seeing in Dangerous Romance that Sailom is getting his ass beat if he and his brother don't pay the debt collectors on time every month. Shit, the debt collectors are even trying to make Sailom an escort (which then turns into Kanghan buying off Sailom himself, but lemme leave that alone, WRONG SHOW)]. But even Sand's mom admits: Sand is solving a problem of MY OWN CREATION. How good is my son? He's a very good son. Drink up, honey.

Sand thought of Ray: wow, this guy might be into me, and shit, I'm into him. And I could use this right now! I could use this break. And that illusion came crashing down when Sand -- an intelligent dude! -- put two and two together real fast. And Sand, very rightly -- because he is FAST learning independence, in a totally different way than the main OF quartet -- pulls the hell away, and puts away the fantasy of Ray at Alone O'Clock.

3.5) I just want to note, real quick, that we now have TWO of my favorite-ist themes in this show: we have intergenerational trauma by way of Ray, and filial piety by way of Sand. THANK YOU, JOJO AND TEAM! *This* bitch is TRACKIN'.

4) Big ephemerality note here: I just, I SWOONED, GOD, I LOVED IT, WHEN RAY REVEALED HIS MOTHER WAS AN ACTRESS. And that she was bitter about getting pregnant and how that affected her career. Are you kidding me? JOJO. NINEW. ALL OF YOU. BRILLIANT. The ephemerality OF SHOWBIZ ITSELF.

Aren't all these actors risking their damn careers by potentially BLOWING UP THEIR SHIPS for the sake of this show? (I mean, that's actually a little far-fetched, as FirstKhao will be the first GMMTV pair to have an intercontinental fanmeet, BUT STILL.) God, the commentary on the FICKLENESS of showbiz was just CHEF'S KISS.

5) As Ranch noted, this was the episode where CHANNNNNGGGGEEEEE was the big bell ringing. Top needed something different than his sexual monotony -- so he goes after Mew, and shit, homes is bored AF. (@lurkingshan covered this perfectly here.) Mew contemplates changing for Top, the LASIK, the sex, all of it. Top seems to try a different kind of sex with Mew -- soft and romantic sex that ends with "I love you." Nick (oh, my bubby Nick), changes for Boston, becomes ripped, finds buttons and slacks. Boston contemplates whittling his list down. Ray wears secondhand (lol, it's called "vintage," asshole). Sand changes his routine to accommodate Ray.

And yet. I very, very often say in my posts that the process of behavioral change is INCREDIBLY difficult.

The five stages of behavioral change are: pre-contemplation, contemplation (Nick and the podcast), preparation, action (Nick at the gym), and maintenance.

The risk to this process, at any point in time, is: RELAPSE.

Think of how difficult it is to quit smoking. To go on a diet. To start an exercise routine. To stop biting your nails.

What is the thing that marks these processes more than anything else?

It's the RELAPSE into the old behavior, the old habits.

We really saw Boston trying to change...something. Trying to stick out...something with Nick. Trying on something new. Kinda like the way Ray tried on his secondhand shirt.

And then Boston experiences a familiar trigger: a trigger of jealousy when Mew calls him, innocently, to give Boston the heads-up that he's about ready to experience some cherry magic.

And that trigger, like all of our own triggers -- stress, a change of environment, a change of the people around you -- sent Boston back to a place.

Listen, I will, in no way, ever defend Boston's behavior. He was drunk and high AF, and he's generally toxic. Jojo is totally egging this on.

I would absolutely call Boston an equal opportunity asshole. He's only seeing the world from his own worldview, his own desires, his own desire to control whatever he can control around him.

But like I said before: toxicity is FAR more common that we'd like to believe. And toxicity within someone doesn't disappear very easily -- just like any of our habits, be they good or bad habits.

Boston was trying out a new life, for a few minutes (lol), of being a LITTLE LESS EPHEMERAL, a little less aloof -- a little less toxic. And a trigger brought him back to his bad place, and I think what we saw in that damn outburst was a relapse of the highest order.

Ray repeats to Nick what Top and Cheum have already said. This guy, Boston? He's nasty. Stay away. Boston's an asshole. Boston's still being stigmatized, and still living up to his label.

How would I summarize all of this? Throughout this ENTIRE episode, what was screaming within my head, as I said above, was: youth is fleeting. Youth itself is ephemeral. The experiences these young folks are going through at this moment in this show will build their experiences for how they will survive (or not) in their futures.

We may think that Boston, and Ray, and Mew, will not learn from their dumbass behavior, but -- they will. They will have no choice. Because their time being this young, and inexperienced, and idiotic, will flee. They'll graduate, and they will have to learn how to survive in a "real" world that may very well be far more brutal to them than their proximate friendships are to them right now. And man, if they have to experience lives that are MORE brutal than these proximate friendships they have, then good LUCK to them, because, well -- shit. It ain't pretty the way it is right now.

...

P.S. I just thought this whole scene was brilliant. Sand, honey, you're not as innocent as your meow feelings are letting on. I'm holding you accountable for what you're saying to Ray, too.

P.P.S. JENNIE.

(HAPPY SUNDAY, EPHEMERALITY SQUAD! @ranchthoughts @lurkingshan @neuroticbookworm @distant-screaming @slayerkitty @clara-maybe-ontheroad @twig-tea)

(HEY, SQUAD: if you tag me in things, and I forget to reblog, send me a DM! I'm on the last stages of this moving chapter of my life, and I don't wanna miss your meta!)

[distortedmoondisc]

I think we as a fandom don't talk enough about Aira being Hiiro's fan—y'know, as an idol.

It might be because most people don't read the main story, or because it's not blatantly stated in there like other things, but it's something I think is a very unique facet about their relationship.

As we know, Aira separates his professional life and his personal life a lot. He will wait in line to shake hands with Hiyori Tomoe and buy a dozen CDs just to have a couple of extra minutes just talk to him, even though he can do this at any time since they're both idols living in the ES dorms and friends from the same circle.

And while this is admittedly silly from Aira's part, he truly sees this something serious and actually, he's kind of justified in thinking this way? He takes pride in being an idol otaku, and he wants to play as fair as possible with fellow fans, he doesn't want to take advantage of the fact that he's living and working alongside these super stars, and in my eyes that just shows how pure-hearted and honest he is.

With that in mind, it would be obvious to conclude that Aira would be a fan of his unitmates. He's definitely a fan of Tatsumi and Mayoi, but it's explicitly said in the MS that Aira is a fan of Hiiro.

This is from episode 89, "Grace"

(this episode may or may have not changed my brain chemistry forever lol)

Here, Aira makes the statement that he wants to protect Hiiro as an idol.

Hiiro is new to this world; he's a rookie, he's unpolished, far from perfect, but he's brimming with potential and he shines brightly on stage regardless of his imperfections — especially to Aira's eyes, and Aira wants to protect that, he wants to keep Hiiro's shine, and to help him grow and become the great idol Aira sees in him.

And I just can't express how much this means to me??? To their relationship??? This is why I can't understand people who say Aira doesn't care about Hiiro (these are opinions I've read way too often on twitter...), when Aira more than anyone wants to protect him not only as a person (like when he comforts him, cheers him up and motivates him after Rinne disowns him), but also as an idol. Aira trusts in Hiiro the idol. He sees his potential and he admires him deeply — not only as a fellow idol or as a friend, but as a fan.

And what gets me is the wording Aira uses here. He talks about wanting to protect Hiiro, to defend him. This is stated in another chapter and I don't remember exactly where (I believe it's one of the last episodes of the MS, but please correct me if I'm mistaken), but Aira states that he wants to protect Hiiro's purity — and this can be interpreted many ways, be it in that he wants to protect Hiiro's innocence as in his personality trait (his endearing naivety, his trusting and friendly nature, his endless curiosity, his earnestness and sincerity), or his purity as an idol, in the sense that because Hiiro is an idol, he has an appearance to keep, he has to be shining and to be pure and beautiful all the time (because that's the image idols give to the world, to their fans; the image that gives countless of people like Aira hope); this can include protecting Hiiro from the darker sides of the industry, such as toxic fans, unhealthy relationships with fame, corrupted producers or people from the industry, among other things. Aira seems to be aware of these issues (as he mentions in the second chapter of the main story, see below), so it makes sense that he wants to shield Hiiro, who knows absolutely nothing about this industry or the city, from those things.

Episode 24, "Suspicious"

And personally, I think Aira means both. He wants to protect Hiiro's purity as a person: he wants to protect the cheerful and positive Hiiro he knows and loves and admires (Aira himself states this. Multiple times. So much so that Aira often comments about how uncomfortable he feels when Hiiro is gloomy or troubled, that he is always the first to ask what is wrong or if something is bothering him.... but talking about Aira's high perceptiveness for Hiiro's emotions is a topic for another day) — but he also wants to protect Hiiro as an idol, wants to protect the immaculate image he gives to the world and to his fans, because Aira loves him, the same way he loves an idol from a fan standpoint. And he hopes that by protecting this purity, Hiiro will grow to be the talented and shining idol Aira knows he can be.

And what gets me is that after thinking of Hiiro this way, Aira snaps out of his self-deprecating thoughts and decides to give his best in the Ullambana (episode 89). Aira literally overcame his insecurities because of Hiiro. Thinking of having to do his best and keep working hard in order to keep up with him and with Alkaloid gave him the strength he needed to stop spiraling down his own insecurities and focus his efforts into something that was worth it: in keeping Alkaloid alive, and keeping Hiiro The Idol alive, because Aira believes he will become an idol that will soothe, delight and captivate hearts of many like Aira in the future — and Aira has to become an accomplished idol and a strong person if he is to be next to him on stage to protect him and to help him grow.

-

I say a lot, mostly jokingly between my friends, that Aira is the biggest HiiroP... but after writing this whole post, I realize I'm not so far off from this assumption. Aira loves Hiiro as a friend, we all know and understand that, but what is often overlooked is that Aira—who divides his professional and personal life so strictly—recognizes the rookie, unpolished, but talented Hiiro as an idol, and he wants to see him grow and succeed not only as his friend and unitmate, but also as a fan. Hiiro is so shining and wonderful on stage that it awakens the idol-ota instinct on Aira, it brings him back to his roots where he watched and admired idols from afar and inspired and soothed his lonely heart. And honestly? I think this is terribly wholesome, if not incredibly beautiful, and I'm getting emotional over hiiai once again, so I'm going to finish the essay here. Thanks for reading ahdjfk

[andreal831]

Do you consider that during the period that Hayley was married, Jackson was a stepfather? I don't know, I don't see him like that, in my vision he always tried to turn Hayley against the Mikaelsons, sometimes I see it like that because I'm not a big fan of Jackson when it comes to them, so He was just a man whom Hayley got married to save her daughter

And what do you think it would be like if Hayley, Hope and Elijah had left when she said she wanted to build a life with them? Do you think Elijah would take on a fatherly role? Did I ask, making sense of my doubts?

To me he was a stepfather but not a father, if that makes sense. Which is funny because people always get mad at him for trying to "take Klaus' place."

I will preface this by saying most of my opinions on this come from the lack of development the writers gave Jackson as well as the fact that the writers didn't want baby Hope, they just wanted teen/adult Hope.

When people get mad at me for how I view Jackson, they usually bring up quotes from the show but struggle to actually point to moments where Jackson is exhibiting those traits. Jackson is a classic mistake in writing of "show don't tell." Instead of showing us that he's a good father to Hope, they tell us and we are supposed to just take the character's word for it. The show essentially left a lot of their relationship up to our imaginations and I just never made headcanons with Jackson so it fell flat. But to me, he cared more about marrying Hayley than being a father to Hope.

Again, part of this is due to the fact that we hardly see anyone in season 3 interact with Hope. I get that it's hard to have a baby on set, but when you launch a whole spinoff around a magical baby, it helps to have a baby. I definitely think Jackson loves Hope, but not necessarily as his own. I feel like he held the Mikaelsons against her a little bit. If he and Hayley would have (could have) had their own kid, they definitely always would have fought over Jackson saying "our kids" versus "your kid." I also think that if Hayley would have been willing to leave Hope with Klaus and start a family with Jackson, I don't think he would have been upset by that. Anything to get away from the Mikaelsons.

I don't blame Jackson for not wanting to associate with the Mikaelsons after Klaus cursed them all. Although, ironically he was the one making side deals with Klaus in season 1 and 2. However, he had no right to give Hayley an ultimatum, especially where Hope is concerned. Of course, if you love someone, you don't want them to be around toxic people. But you don't get to make that decision for anyone else. People have to be allowed to make their own decisions. You can only set boundaries for yourself, and he does. He gives her an ultimatum and when she picks the option he doesn't like, he leaves. This is where I have a hard time with him as a father. It reminds me of Ginny and Georgia (*spoilers*) when Paul finds out the truth about Georgia and he initially leaves but then he can't stay away because he loves the kids so much. It takes him less than 24 hours to decide to help Georgia to protect the kids. (*end of G&G spoilers*) Jackson leaves and doesn't even reach out to Hayley for an entire month while he knows they have enemies in town. Yes, he had every right to do that, but I can't help but hold that against him as a father and husband. Just like I hold Klaus not reaching out to Hayley while he has to stay away with the Hollow against Klaus. We can headcanon that Mary is updating him but again, the show doesn't bother telling us anything.

I personally hate the scene when Jackson walks out. I know he is mad that she went to help the Mikaelsons, but Rebekah was actively kidnapped and drowning at the bottom of the ocean. He then makes her feel guilty because he had to put Hope down and she cried for a long time. A husband/father shouldn't make his wife feel guilty because he had to put the baby down. And, a husband should never make a mother feel guilty that her baby was crying. That detail was unnecessary. Yes, he was mad at her reasoning and mad that he made Thanksgiving dinner and she missed it, but there was other ways to say it. He weaponized Hope against her. It just made him sound like he resented having to play stay-at-home father, but what else was he doing? Neither of them worked.

I also think Jackson had this idealized idea of what his life with 'Andrea' was going to look like and it didn't include a magical child she had with another man. Even when she was living with the bayou, she didn't feel supported by him. She tells Eve that she's on her own with the baby. He does build her a crib but then after she 'looses' the baby, he doesn't even reach out. Compare this to Cami who is in tears, running to Klaus when she heard to see if it was true. Also, compare the reactions to Cami meeting Hope and Jackson meeting her. The writers are also a bit sexist and focused more on building Cami up as a stepmother and didn't focus too much on Jackson as a stepfather.

I don't like to always compare Jackson and Elijah because I don't think it is super helpful to the discussion. We should be able to analyze one without the other. However, since you asked, I do think Elijah plays more a parental figure to Hope. He also has the advantage of being biologically related to Hope. No matter what was going on between him and Hayley, he was always going to be in Hope's life.

Although, I do think that it wouldn't have mattered to Elijah if Hayley had a baby with someone else. I think he still would have taken on a parental role because he loves to be a parent. We know from the past that he was willing to be with Tatia and be a father to her child, so I don't see a difference with Hope.

I don't think Elijah would have ever left town without Klaus to start a life with just Hope and Hayley. The only way he would is if there was no way to protect Hope and Hayley while saving Klaus. Even then, he would go back for Klaus. Elijah was always very careful to not overstep his role with Hope. He knew Klaus' fears and also knew how Klaus tended to behave when he felt insecure. For everyone's sake, Elijah would keep a respectable distance as an uncle. Although, Elijah always just kind of acts as the parental figure of the group, so that wouldn't change too much. I can definitely see him taking on the more strict disciplinarian role while Klaus just spoils Hope.

Thanks for the ask! I hope I answered it all <3

[bioethicists]

hi i hope you dont mind this question. i assume because you are anti psych/mad liberation (me too) you probably also get the pro psych reaction of "thats dangerous" and "its not all like that" and the accusation that acknowledging the fact that psychiatric and therapy "care" is so bad will make people quit that care and they will inevitably get worse and it'll be your fault? im an anti psych blogger and this really messes me up because my whole thing is that i DONT want mentally ill ppl to suffer, and thats the whole reason i AM anti psych. and i am afraid ppl will somehow be harmed by me telling the truth or making (evil!) generalizations about psych professionals, etc.

to me it seems incredibly reactionary, usually comes with a moral panic flavor, and is chock full of victim blaming cliches. it seems to me that it hinges on the fear and threat of 1. a Crazy person rejecting treatment and 2. a Crazy person rejecting authority, so again, it seems to be based mostly in stigma. and yet it does seem true and possible that ppl will be influenced in ways that turn out poorly and i dont want that to happen either. and yet again, framing it like "dont tell ppl what health care to pursue" is a misnomer since psych care is simply about social control... and that facade of health care just protects them from criticism in a bad faith way cause it makes you look anti vax adjacent and telling ppl not to see doctors. im not really interested in telling ppl what to do when it comes to accessing psych care, but my general analysis is that: is refusing psych care possibly dangerous? yes. is getting psych care also possibly dangerous? yes.

anyway the main question is if/how you deal with this. both intellectually and emotionally. cause i think its possibly the hardest part of sharing anti psych views in public. it makes me feel guilty and afraid. and i think making splicing disclaimers sucks and is stupid. so idk. thanks for reading.

first of all, i absolutely do experience this + it used to piss me off more than it does now but now it mostly makes me sad. i think you summed it up so well when you said that both refusing + seeking psych care can be dangerous.

part of it is that, the deeper i root into my belief in bodily autonomy, the more i stop punishing myself if someone takes a good faith, well-phrased assertion i've made + spins that into something harmful which i never said or intended. i am very deliberate to only spread information that pushes for expanding + critiquing methods of healing, stressing that my goal is to free people from suffering, not compound it.

i know that some people who are struggling with paranoia or self-destructive impulses read mad liberation talking points (often finding their ways to the more conspiracy fueled or recklessly phrased ones) + respond in ways that end up harming them, like cold-turkey going off antipsychotics or firing their entire treatment teams to take sketchy supplements. it does make me very sad that this happens, because like you said, i want these people to be happy + not suffer.

however, i rarely see comparable conversation about how people take the logics of the psych system and use THOSE to harm themselves. many people with similar traits to those who do what you are describing are just as likely to use the logics of psychiatry to punish themselves or distance themselves from others. they use 'coping mechanisms' punitively by becoming obsessed with 'clean' eating/dieting, organization/academics, being the Perfect Patient. they tell others + themselves that they are neurologically incapable of love or healthy relationships or pleasure. they isolate themselves because they believe they are fundamentally toxic or abusive. they dismiss their emotions as "just symptoms" + actively chastise themselves or try to train themselves out of experiencing any anger towards others or even any negative emotions at all. they admit themselves to psych wards frequently not out of a reasonable concern that they will hurt themselves or others but because they believe they belong in a psych ward any time they are experiencing symptoms. the list goes on.

all of that being said, i do experience genuine concern that people might read what i write + because of self-hatred or intense paranoia, read some sort of mandate or advice that isn't there + end up in more pain. because this exact thing also happens with psychiatry, which the naysayers you describe above are not concerned with, i don't think they're actually worried about hurting people. they are worried about Crazy people Not Getting Help. it comes from a place of paternalism + fear.

another, more positive aspect of it is that i do genuinely believe that many people are not being helped by their treatment teams but think they Have To be in therapy or in a hospital or on meds despite them not helping because that's What You Do. so they have been sitting around waiting for five years of therapy or their seventh ssri to start doing something meaningful. some of them just needed to hear: you don't have to do this; it might not be the right thing for you. i actually think these people are really well-served by hearing about anti-psych/mad lib stuff + them quitting therapy/meds/treatment ends up allowing them to look for other pathways for dealing with emotional suffering.

ultimately, i think mad liberation that focuses on true autonomy + total liberation of all peoples provides a clearer path forward for people to return from these places of intense paranoia or self destruction. i think we are all so used to being deprived of autonomy that, when we first get it back, we often stumble with it or try to provoke someone into taking it away from us. that is just going to continue to happen if we respond to it by making autonomy conditional. a LOT of us feel like we're not allowed to heal if it's not a moral mandate, so hearing that it isn't feels like nobody cares. we have to find new ways of showing that we care which don't involve exerting power over others.

[weirdestcornelius]

i'm not too eager for barruni, as right now it just feels like uni's clinging on to the most abusive person to her right now

comes off as stockholm syndrome than it is like enemies to lovers

I definitely wouldn't say it's Stockholm syndrome, but I agree that it IS concerning.

Don't get me wrong, I love enemies to lovers. Especially angsty enemies to lovers. But Barry and Uni conflict in ways that just make them unshippable in the comic itself.

Barry constantly puts Uni down below him and berates her for doing the smallest things. Hell, he doesn't even call her by her own NAME, and usually refuses to do so. He's called Uni every name under the sun WANTING and EXPECTING her to get upset. To be hurt. He doesn't do it in the "I like this person but I need to disguise my true feelings with hatred" way. He genuinely wants to hurt Uni's feelings.

Uni on the other hand, purposefully uses magic around Barry know that it's going to rile him up. Barry has been said to not like magic because of his schizophrenia, which Uni must know he has considering the scene in v2 when Barry hallucinates the sewage monster and desperately clings to Uni for protection. Yet Uni still uses her magic around him despite knowing this. Uni herself has actually called Barry's schizophrenia "cute" in v2. Which is. Bad! I'll just say it, that's bad!

And yet despite all of these VERY conflicting traits, they're still just shoved together in the "make them kiss" category. Now, toxic relationships can definitely become healthy under certain circumstances, but this just feels like Kc is trying to shove two puzzle pieces together when they don't fit. All of the cuddling and stuff they do in the barruni art seems very ooc to me, even if we're talking future barruni; because Barry has been said to hate physical contact because of his fear of germs. Unless Uni is taking multiple scalding hot showers before any cuddling sessions I seriously don't think Barry would be comfortable with it.

It's also weird that no matter how many insults Barry hurls at Uni, she still tells herself that he cares about her. Which could very much so be true, but that is a sign of a very toxic relationship. And yeah, I still find it weird that Barry is allowed to be a terrible person towards everyone except Polly but he gets the pass to do so whereas people absolutely lost their shit when Hemera was slightly mean to stems friends. Or how Cuddles' little bullying session in v4 wasn't much different from how Barry treated Uni but nobody blinked an eye when Barry did it.

[finallyouttathatdress]

This may be a controversial opinion, but am I the only one who thinks a lot of the people who rave about Astarion either have a very shallow understanding of his character or are only attracted to/ interested in the shallow aspects? I could be completely wrong, I'm just going by the impressions I got prior to playing.

Before I started playing, the main thing I understood about Astarion from stuff I saw on social media was that people thought he was hot-- honestly, even now, still not my type -- and that he was super toxic. So I started playing fully expecting to really dislike him because, for personal reasons, I have an EXTREMELY sensitive red flag detector and, once it goes off, I can't enjoy the person/ character anymore. (And, yes, this makes dating men impossible and women terrify me, so chronically single it is!)

Imagine my surprise when, not only do those detector not go off, but i actually really enjoy his character. Can be be an absolute dick? Yes, absolutely. Is he generally more inclined to look after himself first and not go out of his way to help strangers? Also, yes. Given his history, not all that surprising. But, to me, a lot of his "toxic" traits feel highly performative and more of a defense mechanism than actual personality flaws.

What made me really like his character is that he is and can be so much more than the trauma he went through and the steps he's taken to protect himself. I was very much on the fence about him until his reaction to my Tav telling the creepy blood lady to get lost. The man genuinely thought she would just tell him to go ahead and bite the crazy lady and he'd already resigned himself to it. That's beyond horrifying.

It really feels like he has been very misrepresented by people who claim to love him to people who know nothing about the game. If you like Astarion for being toxic, I'm not trying to judge, to each their own and it's a game. It's meant to be fun and to be enjoyed. Enjoy it in whatever way you see fit. It just makes me a bit sad that people outside of the fandom really only get to see that side of him.

[sanderssidesthehouse]

Can you do Patton for the character bingo? I've seen a lot of different takes so I'm curious to see what you think.

-🌻🌼

Hi flower anon! I'm a little nervous about this one ngl but I will do it for you.

Circle sizes represent how confident I was marking a box. Not a lot of confidence on this one bc I'm still conflicted. I think further resolution of his arc might solidify how I feel about him, or change it completely.

I don't really like Patton Sanders and that's my toxic trait, but HEAR ME OUT. I don't want to convince anyone not to like him, in fact I'd love to convince people of all the reasons they COULD possibly like him! Just like bc of my real life personal experiences, I'm not very fond of him. He is not my blorbo 😔 I don't hate him, but I do mildly dislike him. (As a character I think he's great, his conflict presents a fascinating narrative that I enjoy quite a lot.)

"But Ace," I hear you saying, "you said you don't like him and yet you still think he's being done dirty by fans?" To which I say "Yes, absolutely, there are people out there liking and disliking him for the wrong reasons!" (In my humble opinion.)

Patton is NOT an innocent little baby who needs to be protected, NOR is he a manipulative asshole. He's just a guy trying his best who messes up sometimes. He should be treated like an adult with agency and be given some grace for when he stumbles.

He does care about his famILY and he tries so hard to show it, but he's always felt like he has to know the correct answers and that they're depending on him. And tbh with how much c!Thomas defers to Morality, I get it. When someone is constantly looking to you for answers and it's your job to have them, saying 'I don't know' is scary! But he and everyone else should really try to be brave and say 'let's figure it out together' rather than confidently giving an answer that has a good chance of being wrong. But again, I do understand the crushing weight of these expectations.

I think it's really clever that Morality got paired with Emotions, bc emotions are what drives morality. Different people have different emotions that more strongly affect their morals, with Patton, we see compassion as a primary motivator, but also fear. The fear of slipping into the category known as 'bad person' and the fear of that categorization being permanent. And then bottles that fear up out of shame. Very catholic guilt of him.

I do feel bad for Patton where we left him bc he's finally going to get the help he needs, but somewhat at the cost of the love and respect of his famILY. Roman feels betrayed, Virgil hates Janus, and Logan... Well he's got a lot going on right now anyway.

I prefer Patton when I'm looking at him through the lens of his relationships to the others. He really does his best for them, he's a sweet guy. He tries to be encouraging and he clearly knows the other three very well. And with Janus I think the strongest negative emotion he feels is occasional annoyance, you know, like when he was impersonated. He seems to actually kind of like him otherwise. Not the biggest fan of Remus, which is an understandable side effect of him not yet having sorted himself out. He's trying now, so I'm sure that will come with time.

Also his froggy traits are sick as hell and I hope we see more, I want to see more, make him a frog please, I beg. That's like, the high point of his character to me, I actually had to come back and edit this after I scheduled it to include that bc holy crap Patton's a frog and I love that for him, but I also love that for ME.

So why don't I like him? I have intrusive thoughts and moral ocd and personal trauma I'm not going to get in to so like... He's just so unbelievably frustrating to me as he currently is. Also it just irks me that he's clearly not as naive as he pretends to be and it just boils my blood when people play willfully ignorant. He's doing it bc he's scared, but isn't that why everyone does it? It's still bad, and it causes a lot of damage. I'm of the opinion that if something scares you, you should learn everything you can about it. Logan said something like that once and he was right.

He just makes me feel the need to tell people they don't have to be a moral paragon to be good or do good things or be deserving of happiness, health, safety, and love. I get it's his job and all, I just really can't separate a character like that from all the stuff I had to learn and unlearn for my personal health and safety. And maybe I actually just want to say that to him. Maybe the problem is that we're too similar in all of our worst traits and seeing a grim reflection where once stood a cheery mural is upsetting. Maybe it's Maybelline.

Idk, I might actually like him. I'm very wishy washy on this subject. I think I can manage liking him while also disliking him. I'm very talented. I would love for everyone to tell me all the reasons they love Patton! I think he's neat and I'd love to like him.

[dizgreen]

I think I’ve been on here long enough, so it’s about time I talk to y’all about my Grand Theory of Masculinity.

Yes that is what I call it.

Foreword: I’m a millennial, I’m about thirty years old and if there’s one thing that genuinely makes me think “god I hate the new generation” it’s all this bullshit Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson shit about how to be a “real man.” I absolutely despise this narrative that being a man is all about only caring about yourself and forcing others down to build yourself up. I see it corrupting more and more young men every day and I truly dread the point in time that it takes hold enough to bring back toxic masculine fathers and grandfathers and RUINS an entirely new generation of kids.

So I decided to sit down and think about why it bothers me so much. I’m of the belief you can’t reasonably say you disagree with something unless you have some kind of reason or alternative solution. Thus, I’ve boiled down what *I* consider to be the true essence of “what makes you a man”

To start off with, I don’t believe that you need a certain set of genitals to be considered a “real man”, which is why I put such an emphasis on the word “masculinity.” I believe that sorting people according to exclusively their genitals or their preferred identity is a bit archaic, but I DO believe you can sort anyone, regardless or pronouns or genitalia, into specific definitions of masculine or feminine traits and behaviors. I believe in defining those things as two sides of a whole, like a yin-yang, and that it shouldn’t compromise someone’s identity in any way just for displaying or taking pride in those traits.

So, here’s my big definition. Are ya ready?

Safety.

Masculinity, TRUE masculinity, I believe, is defined as when someone has a certain aura that makes you feel safe or protected when you’re around that person.

Now a lot of you that are attracted to masculinity might be disagreeing saying stuff like “oh but I like dangerous men” or “no I like it when someone feels a bit scary” but attraction, which is a totally different aspect that’s specific to you. Even then, the VAST majority of people that say they like “dangerous men” typically mean “I like it when men are dangerous and threatening but treat me with love and care” and THATS SAFETY, BRO.

I believe that the true concept of masculinity has been corrupted overtime by the machinations of insecure and weak men trying to convince others that they’re actually what people want in a man. All the signs are there.

A man should be strong to help you feel protected.

“WELL IM GONNA GET ALL BUFF WITH BIG MUSCLES SO THAT NO ONE WANTS TO MESS WITH ME”

but you also have to show you CAN protect them.

“WELL IM GONNA FREAK OUT AND TRY TO FIGHT EVERYONE THAT LOOKS AT ME WRONG SO NO ONE WOULD MESS WITH ME”

A man should be able to provide for his family so they feel safe and comfortable in their lifestyle.

“WELL IM GONNA WEAR A SUIT AND CONSTANTLY BRAG ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY I MAKE SO THAT EVERYONE THINKS IM RICH”

you know you actually have to give them attention as well though, right? You can’t JUST provide a paycheck.

“WHATEVER, ILL GET A COOL CAR AND IF THEY GET ANNOYED ABOUT ME NOT SPENDING TIME WITH EM ILL JUST GET A NEW GIRL, ILL TALK ABOUT HOW THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT MONEY ANYWAY!”

A man should be able to be confident in his decisions so that the people around him feel secure and more confident in their own choices.

“OKAY SO WHAT IM GONNA DO IS WALK AROUND AND TELL EVERYONE ELSE TO FUCK OFF AND SAY I DONT CARE ABOUT THEM! THAT WAY PEOPLE WILL BE FOOLED INTO THINKING IM CONFIDENT WHEN IM ACTUALLY DEPERATELY CRAVING THEIR APPROVAL”

When I try think of the most MASCULINE MAN MAN I can possibly think of, you know what the image that comes to mind is? A dad. A slightly overweight dad with a blue collar job and a beard who works his ass off to provide for his family and then comes home exhausted and still finds the time to play a game of catch or wrestle with his kids. I believe that image to be the absolute peak of masculinity.

I truly believe that when people have an attraction to men or women or nonbinaries, they seek certain aspects of masculine or feminine behavior. I believe that when people are attracted to masculine qualities, if you boil down the very core essence of what makes them happy with a masculine partner, you’re going to get “they make me feel safe.”

Again, I’m not saying this is something you need to care about at all or should use to define your gender. This is just my analysis boiling down what I think went wrong which led to this bullshit idea that a real man needs to walk around and demean others and ignore his family and only care about himself while disregarding everyone around him.

I think if we use this one little core tenant as the base idea of what to consider “masculinity”, it could really help the men, women, and nb’s that are seeking a goal or ideal to strive for in what kind of person they want to be.

Sorry for the long post but, TL;DR:

Masculinity is when you make someone feel safe in your presence. NOT when you ignore or demean others around you in an attempt to look bigger.

So Fuck off, sigma bitches

[living-for-fiction]

I've been putting together a realization over the last several months, since I moved in with my girlfriend and metamours; and since an extremely close, important, but ultimately toxic relationship ended.

I love fiction. (No fucking shit, look at my username.) And when I get into a piece of fiction, I tend to latch onto characters that I identify with. Often they are my favorites - not always, but often. Rarely are they the protagonists or the good guys (on occasion they are) and, if they are the antagonists or bad guys, they are sympathetic. They tend to have a few things in common, though.

They're messy. They often have a good core, or once strived to be good people. Then they were badly hurt, usually for a prolonged period of time, generally by people meant to protect them. They began to hurt others, either intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes it was in search of a greater good; sometimes not. Sometimes they're redeemed; sometimes they aren't. But they tend to have these traits: either started out good or have a good core, which becomes buried very deeply under trauma; either starts lashing out from pain or making decisions that harm others in a misguided attempt to minimize pain; hurt and misunderstood, but also genuinely have committed atrocities that cannot be undone.

Lotor. Sam Winchester. Catra. Shigaraki. Toga. Castiel. Dabi. Angel Dust, to an extent. These are the characters I can think of off the top of my head that I've connected to like this recently (by recently I mean within like the last 12 years lol).

Anyways, I had a bit of a realization today when I made a throwaway comment about relating to Catra, and it's that... I don't, anymore. Not as strongly, at least. Oh, I have the strong memories of being so consumed in pain and self-loathing, of knowing that I'm hurting people around me and being unable to stop and sometimes bitterly feeling like I shouldn't need to stop because it's not fair that I have to hurt so much alone. Certainly an incredibly unhealthy way to feel, but I felt that way for... honestly, for most of my life. And I think that's a big reason why I connect with the characters I connect to; the ones who scream out their pain and who end up putting misery into the world, even if they started with the desire to put goodness into the world. Because that resonated with me.

And now, I can connect with that feeling more from memory than from actively feeling it.

I'm currently living in a place where I am accepted wholeheartedly, warts and all. Where the things about me that are strange aren't brushed off when they affect me, minimized, looked down on, anything like that. Where when something feels wrong, the response isn't "get over it" "that's not a problem" or "what the fuck is wrong with you" but "we'll figure it out." Where making accommodations is just part of the way we do things rather than some kind of big fucking deal.

Living in a household with three pther neurodivergent people, I no longer feel like no matter what I do I am HURTING others and like I have to repress parts of myself until I stop hurting them or explode and make things worse.

It's not to say it's a utopia. Four neurodivergent adults living together, of course there are times we run into issues - but that would be the case with four neurotypical adults living together. L has meltdowns, J doesn't always communicate well, S tries to take on everything herself, I have memory and sleep issues... but we don't treat these as moral failings. Because they aren't. We give each other grace and understand that no one is trying to hurt anyone else.

I don't have to feel like that hurt, broken THING screaming into an unhearing void and desperately trying to do good while hurting others with my coping mechanisms or even just by being myself.

[toxic-mothers-tourney]

Toxic propaganda: Lusamine (Pokemon)

She treated her two children like dolls and controlled every aspect of their lives. She was unloving, and the second her kids don’t like what she’s doing she’s ready to kill them. She disowns them, and calls them selfish and ungrateful.

Lusamine tries to control her children and mold them to be what she wants them to be. She has an obsession with rare creatures called Ultra Beasts, researching them endlessly and wanting to even merge with them. She tries to make herself and her children Gladion and Lillie to embody the traits of the Ultra Beasts, including their appearances.

Lillie ends up running away and taking her friend Nebby, a Pokemon being experimented on by Lusamine and her organization the Aether Foundation. Lillie gets put under the protection of Professor Kukui and his wife Professor Burnet, taken into their home. She helps with Pokemon research and slowly learns how to overcome her trauma about facing Pokemon and being controlled by her mother with the help of her friends. When Lillie changes her outfit, she feels relieved because her mother never allowed her to dress differently.

Gladion also runs away from Lusamine and the Aether Foundation. He joins Team Skull, a gang of misfits that do petty crimes around Alola. He's very protective of his younger sister Lillie. He uses his own Ultra Beast against his mother as she slowly turns more crazed in her quest.

Actual Quote: "Calling me mother? I don't have any children! Certainly not any wretched children who would run off and reject my love!" Ma'am you have TWO of them

Was an asshole to both her kids. Obsessed with hunting otherdimensional pokemon instead of caring for them. Forced her daughter to dress like the fucked up space jellyfish she was obsessed with.

Both her kids ran away at 10 years old because she liked aliens too much

Loses her husband in a wormhole, then goes COMPLETELY insane trying to keep everything else exactly as she wants it to be. She gets so obsessed with extradimentional beings that she explicitly styles herself and her (teenage) children after them. Her idea of "Pokémon Conservation" is VERY different than what most sane people would think of.

She becomes so obsessed with Ultra Beasts that she (presumably) drives Gladion away and becomes incredibly controlling of Lillie, even to the point of dressing her like a Nihilego.

"Trust me—children would all be much happier if they'd only listen to the adults around them." is what first hints at her controlling nature.

As the game reaches its climax, we also see Lusamine being emotionally and verbally abusive towards Lillie, from "Calling me mother? I don't have any children! Certainly not any wretched children who would run off and reject my love!" and "Back when you were small, you would listen to everything I said, without question. For a time, even you were adorable to me! … But you changed. You've become ugly." The later also expands on her being controlling for quite a while. We can assume similar things were said to Gladion before he ran away.

She clearly blames Lillie and Gladion for being "bad children" rather than take any responsibility for her actions. "The daughter who stole my Cosmog from me and the son who took my Type: Null! All I ever did was give you two all the love I had, and all you did was betray me! You have no right to ask for my attention now!" She seems to think she's been nothing but good to them, but this is disproven by Lillie telling her "You always do that… It's just like it was back at Aether Paradise… Only thinking of yourself and what you want…I am the one who is sick of you, Mother! Children… Children are not just THINGS that belong to their parents! Pokémon are not just THINGS that a Trainer can do whatever they want to! I am alive! Cosmog is alive! We are not things for you to collect! We're not made for you to just discard when you get bored with us! … That is terrible, Mother! You are terrible!"

Only when the story is retconned in USUM does she ever apologize for what she had done and try to change.

Lusamine's husband went missing and she proceeded to try and make her children "perfect" by making them as washed and willing to take orders as possible. This eventually led both of them to steal some of the pokemon she was trying to use to become alien satan and led her son to joining an actual street gang.

She also dressed up her daughter to look like the alien she eventually summoned and let metroid all over her.

Neglects her children in favour of unleashing Ultra Beasts that are basically bound to wreak havoc in the world; forces her daughter to look as much like a Nihilego as possible and berates her for becoming ugly when she decides to take control of her own appearance; guilt-trips her kids for "leaving her" when she controlled and berated and abused them until they ran away, telling them that all she did was love them. Just not a very good parent, really. She's careless towards Nebby, a Cosmog, too, risking its death to forward her plans despite her daughter's pleading not to.

lady is actually Fucking Crazy. she runs a corporation. she neglects her kids. she's got animal abuse going on. she potentially STOLE her own son's pokemon. I could go on

emotionally abusive. horribly controlling. may or may not be forgiven depending on which game you play. gave her kids ptsd. proclaims herself mother of pokemon under her care then abuses them also, all while being objectively very attractive. 10/10 no notes

[icedmetaltea]

Why do you like yandere stuff so much? No judgement, I'm just wondering cause I noticed a lot of people like it and I just can't wrap my head around it, so I wanted to ask a few people who enjoy it

WELL it's a bit of a loaded answer... I obvs can't answer for everyone, so this is just my personal take:

(pretty long and also just ioewjgfuireuiver kinda emBARRASSING so ima put it under here)

A bitch be lonely. I think that's the most common thing that draws people to the trope. Like, if you're someone who grew up without friends like me, the idea of being solely idolized by someone, like given their complete attention is just rlly appealing to me. To be loved, to be wanted, to be worshiped no matter how much your brain has convinced you that you're not worthy of love is just *chef's kiss*

The attention. This is kinda the same as the first answer but for me a big thing I love in the trope is when I- or well y/n, more correctly- gets praised a lot and treated like they're the most important thing in the world. I already have awful self-esteem so I like being told I'm perfect and wonderful as I am (TヘT) I think most people also have this mindset.

Being taken care of completely. No more worries about bills, food, shelter, etc... cause it's all taken care of for you (whether u like it or not so you don't have to feel guilty about it lol)

The whole power dynamic. I don't rlly have a sub/dom kink or at least not the mainstream kind (?) but I do enjoy the idea of being able to let go and just be myself without having to worry about judgement or societal norms- because, well, said character has already broken out of what's considered acceptable by kidnapping you or whatever so we're already past that lol.

Kinda adding onto that, being able to be flawed without, again, worrying about putting someone off. You can be ugly, socially inept, talentless, fuckin' stupid, whatever, and it's all okay. You don't have to fit in with anything society deems attractive- said character is flawed enough themselves to find you perfect.

The danger aspect. I love horror in general, so it's kind of like that for me. I have severe anxiety so being able to just feel scared for a while can be incredibly cathartic for me.

The "reframing" thing. In case you haven't noticed, yandere stuff for me tends to be pretty light-hearted. While I'm totally cool with people enjoying yandere stuff with tons of blood/violence/etc, I usually go for "softer" stuff, like stalking, kidnapping, etc. In a way, I'm taking something that makes me feel helpless and scared and making it something that brings me an odd sort of comfort. I suppose this is a way I can cope with anxiety- by taking some form of fear, like how I often feel helpless and trapped during panic attacks, and putting it in the context of when I'm helpless and trapped but in the arms of someone who wants nothing more than to protect me and would literally crush anyone/anything that tried to hurt me aaaAAA ❤️

The fact that it it's fiction! Fiction is a beautiful thing, where you can tackle potentially traumatic things without irl consequences. Would I want anything like this irl? NO!! Stalking/kidnapping/what have you is absolutely vile if it takes place in real life. Even stuff like be very controlling of a partner (unless you have their complete consent and have talked this stuff out ahead of time/have a safe word and all) is entirely unhealthy and toxic. In fiction?? Go for it. It can also be a great way to cope with intrusive thoughts if you suffer from those as well.

That being said, it's absolutely not for everyone, and I imagine most people would find the trope to be disgusting and horrific- and that is completely understandable and okay! It's up to people (who I'm assuming and HOPING are 18+ bc if you're a minor it can be way harder to distinguish reality from fiction and lead an immature person to believe any of these traits like being controlling/ultra possessive are okay irl and maybe even encourage them to seek out abusive relationships/yandere stuff tends to be thrown in with stuff like violence, sexuality, really disturbing stuff in general, etc so when I say all these things, it's coming from my ADULT perspective) to be discerning of what they can handle both mentally and emotionally. If it leaves you feeling gross, creeped out, or disturbed in some way, stop and avoid it.

Alright, sorry for the ramble! As you can tell I'm pretty passionate about it. I hope that answered your question somewhat! ✨