#also my own procrastination is to blame | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lavenderchqn · 26 days ago

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synopsis — 4NEMO idol dating scenarios pairing — idol!aether, venti, xiao, heizou, kazuha and wanderer x gn!reader warnings — reader is also an idol in heizou's and wandy's; venti is feeling melancholic (me2, dw king); xiao is in the trenches, a very minor panic attack in heizou's, just regular sad stuff happening in the setting of wanderer's and genuine chaos wanderer but what's new with him; heads up for kpop related language, that's all I think? notes — I have officially called the 4nemo fandom wispies as an homage to the venti wisp, we have to deal with my mistake now.

The time for your weekly live was nigh. For the past few months, you had taken it upon yourself to spend a few hours streaming some work on Friday. Although it was abysmal to even think about working on a Friday afternoon. Having it be a stream made you more motivated to work.

Ever since becoming a manager of 4NEMO, you had to grab onto anything to not procrastinate. The role expansion from a producer to a producer-manager hadn’t been treating you kindly. Not to mention it had been a sudden decision, due to their previous manager leaving suddenly after the death of a close friend. You couldn’t have left the boys on their own.

“Good afternoon, Chat.” You opened your stream the same, just like always. Your camera was turned on, showing your business casual self to hundreds of fans. Another perk of forcing yourself to work under the watchful eye of Whispies — the lovely fandom that was here to support the boys.

“What are we doing today, [Y/N]?” You read the chat message out loud that’s been swimming in the sea of hellos and wishes for productive work. “Just regular stuff, I have some emails to answer. Everything I don’t want to come to on Monday… I guess”

After the initial stream preparations and deciding on the theme of Lofi music accompanying you for the journey, you made sure to remember to put your camera on full screen. If there was one thing you didn’t want to happen, that’d be catching a lawsuit for sharing sensitive information.

“Gonna work now.” You turned to the camera, putting a fist slightly in the air. “Fighting, everyone.”

With that, you were off — your timer running down from an hour. Very quickly after your first stream, with the decision made alongside your fans, you had all settled on a Pomodoro method. You would work for an hour, taking care of everything possible and having a short break. It would most often turn into a quick Q&A section.

Looking back, becoming friends with the fans had only done you wonders. By being established very quickly into the career of 4NEMO, they had nothing but support for the time your relationship with Aether has been announced. Oh, that had been a rollercoaster of a day. And let’s be real, the stream of that week’s Friday had been the most viewed one on your channel.

An email here, an email there… You were absolutely swarmed with emails. Just what on earth was Venti doing to need so many emails answered.

You put your head in your hands, sighing. “I am going to kill you on Monday, you dick.” Whispering to yourself, trying to give away as little as possible. For the sake of the fans, you just couldn’t threaten to murder one of their beloved idols. Especially not Wanderer’s or Xiao’s… If that were the case, you probably wouldn’t even make it to Monday.

Having decided to calm yourself down with a sip of water, you notice the timer of your phone going down to zero. What a lovely timing, you thought.

“Alright, everyone.” You turn to the camera, your phone in hand. “An hour has passed, it’s break time.”

The excitement in the messages is apparent. Some fans show up to the stream just for the questions-and-answer segment. At the very least, it’s what the statistics say. You don’t blame them whenever that happens. If you were in their position, you’d probably share the enthusiasm for the possibility of learning more about your favourite music artists from a reliable source.

“What question do you want to start with?” You ask eyes on the chat box. The first question had always been the one to set the tone for the rest of the section.

The Chat in question goes into chaos with far too many questions at once. Some of them instantly get deleted by moderators for not abiding by the rules… some of them are unhinged, to say the least. Why of all things they’d want to know the foot size of Kuni’s— Wanderer’s. You had promised to call him by his stage name, you should do that even when thinking.

In an instant, one of the questions pops out to you. “Can you sing your favourite Chimes’ song for us?” You read it out loud. It was the first week that this would’ve made sense. Last week the newest album of 4NEMO came out, featuring solo member songs for the first time.

You put on a thinking face, fully aware it’s just for show. Ever since starting the work on said album, almost a year ago… It was given which of the songs would be your favourite.

“I’m no singer, but I could try…” You answer, fully prepared to start singing ‘The Road Not Taken’ by your lovely partner. There’s so much encouragement from the fans, that it’d be a shame not to try. “Don’t laugh at me once you hear it though! It was your idea, guys!”

Taking a deep breath, you prepare yourself. You imagine the intro part with its beautiful guitars and piano notes. You even mimic playing the guitar.

“Traveling in the nights you've left me in…” Surprisingly, your voice is magnificent for this. You’re surprised at yourself for how good you sound. “I feel you in the last blow of wind…”

“Even nowhere I can find you out,” You start swaying, imagining your partner singing the song next to you. “The answer is not far off now…”

You’re so into the song in your head, that you don’t even realise the door to your room has been opened. Don’t notice your lovely partner coming into the frame, shushing the screaming chat. He’s about to make you aware of his existence.

“This journey of ours has been bittersweet…” You stumble back to reality when you realise the voice you’re hearing isn’t yours. Looking around, you finally notice Aether standing right next to you. You roll away from him, surprised to the core.

“Oh my gosh, you scared me!” You shout, hands at your chest. “What are you doing here?”

“The voice of an angel summoned me, of course.” He winks at you, still in the frame. “How are you, my Love?”

“Fucking floored, mate.” You slump down into your chair, embarrassed at the situation. “I didn’t even know you were home.”

“I just got back… I’m so fucking sore.” He sighs, stealing one of the other chairs in your office and taking a seat. “Remind me to kick Ven in the balls for such a rigorous practice session on Monday…”

“We’re live, Aether!” Not only was he threatening one of his group mates on a live… he was also destroying his established angelic persona.

Let’s just say… Venti was not happy on Monday, with either of you.

It’s close to 1 AM right now. The final concert of their latest tour came to an end around an hour ago. It happened right here, in Mondstadt… his home. The group's biggest tour, one that allowed them to travel all across Teyvat. Looking back, as the leader… and the initiator of the group, Venti should be ecstatic. It’s an enormous achievement no matter how you look at it. He got to perform with some of the closest people in his life and travel the world ending it with a chance to sing right in his place.

… And yet, at the same time… he’s feeling a little empty. For the longest time, this was their major goal. Now that it has been achieved, what’s more for 4NEMO to work towards to. That’s all that’s on Venti’s mind during their ride to their apartment complex. He’s silent for the entire duration — something that isn’t unacknowledged by the other members.

“Venti, what’s on your mind?” Kazuha asks, his voice sleepy. “You’ve been silent ever since the concert ended. Surely the resident yapper would have something to add?”

“I’m doing absolutely fantastic, Kazu!” Venti forces himself to be energetic. If he could, he’d just turn around and go nap… following in the footsteps of Aether and Heizou, who are asleep in their seats. “Just… taking the entire day in.”

“I see.” Kazuha smiles, turning around and settling into his seat. “Make sure to take care of yourself, whatever is on your mind.”

Xiao and Wanderer don’t engage in the conversation, most likely too tired to participate. At the very least they don’t comment on Venti’s unusual behaviour further. As much as he appreciates them not prodding into his thoughts… he wishes they would. Just this once. Just so that he doesn't have to be surrounded by all those voices. It’s just… difficult to come up with anything. It’s very loud inside his head. Far too loud.

Venti gazes out of the car window, watching Mondstadt’s familiar streets blur past as they head back to their apartment complex. The city is quiet at this hour, bathed in the soft glow of streetlights, and yet it feels strangely distant to him. He should feel at home here, in the place that had shaped so much of his identity as both an artist and a person, but tonight... it’s just like any other city, just one of the many they’d visited on the tour.

It doesn’t get better even when the car stops at the entrance to the apartment complex. With the help of Xiao and Wanderer, they all manage to lead their sleepy companions to their flats. Oh, one of the perks of being well-established - being able to sleep in a place that you don’t have to share with anyone.

Now that he’s left all alone, prompted to head on to have his deserved rest by the two other awake members, he finally feels the exhaustion enter his body. Had it been any other day, Venti would most likely have taken a bath and had a glass of dandelion wine… Not tonight though.

As soon as he opens the door to his apartment, he gets reminded of your presence in it. Your shoes are right next to his slippers… Multiple of his oversized jackets that have gotten borrowed for eternity by you… He’s home. Actually home… and not in an all-inclusive hotel.

It’s for the better. Venti thinks there would be no way for him to fall asleep after a night like this in a stuffy hotel. Truth be told, he’s unsure if he will manage it tonight at all. He feels the immense need to distract his thoughts somehow, anyhow.

That’s how he ends up on the balcony, his phone in hand. He’s starting a live at almost 3 AM in the morning… He prays that Xiao and Wanderer have joined the other three in going to sleep. Venti would rather not have to deal with their teasing the next time they meet.

In no time a bunch of Wispies are joining, concerned messages pouring into the chat.

“It’s going to be a short one, don’t you worry lovelies…” He says, his voice hushed. Despite coming so late at night he’s unsure if you’ve fallen asleep yet. Venti predicts you must be out, given the lack of attention he’s been given.

“To all of you who were at tonight’s concert…” He starts, eyes looking out into the distance.” I hope you got back safely. Safety is a priority, after all.”

Thanks to a sudden force of wind, Venti’s hair flutters around his face as he continues to speak, his voice soft and calm despite the rush of thoughts in his head. He wasn’t sure why he decided to go live, maybe it was the strange emptiness that had settled in after the concert — something he couldn't explain to his bandmates but perhaps could share with his fans. They’d been with him from the start, after all.

“To everyone who came tonight... thank you,” Venti continues, his fingers absentmindedly fidgeting with the ends of his braids. “You guys made this tour special. Ending it in Mondstadt, my home... it was like coming full circle. But... now that it’s over, it feels strange, y’know?”

The chat instantly floods with responses — some fans expressing their love for the group and their music, others showing concern for his wellbeing. Venti smiled faintly at the screen, feeling the warmth from their concern, but he wasn’t ready to dive into his deeper thoughts just yet. Not here, not now.

He sighed and leaned against the balcony railing, the cool night air helping to clear his head. The lights of Mondstadt twinkled in the distance, casting a soft glow over the quiet streets. It was peaceful, and yet, inside him, there was still this gnawing feeling of incompletion.

“I guess it’s funny,” he chuckled softly, “we’ve been working toward this tour for so long... and now that it’s done, I can’t but feel a little lost. Like, what’s next? What should we work toward now?” He paused, letting the words sink in as he read through the chat. Some Wispies echoed his sentiment, sharing their own experiences of feeling aimless after reaching a big goal. Others reassured him that whatever came next, they’d be there for him and the group, regardless of the route they took.

Venti took a deep breath. “I don’t know what the future holds for 4NEMO, but I do know this... I’m grateful. For all of it. The music, the journey, and most importantly, for all of you.”

He is about to sign off when a soft sound behind him makes him freeze. The unmistakable creak of a door opening. His heart skips a beat as he glances over his shoulder, expecting to see an empty doorway — only to find you standing there, rubbing your eyes sleepily covered by a blanket. You must’ve been woken by his quiet monologue.

“Venven… why are you out on the balcony at this hour?” You ask, your voice thick with sleep. Venti doesn’t realise it at the time, but it is the introduction… of his lover to 4NEMO fans. He must think quick, not wanting to share more than necessary.

He waves at the camera, giving a hurried smile to his fans. “Alright, Wispies, gotta go. Need to take care of something!” He ends the live, putting his phone down before turning around to you.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you, my muse…” Venti says softly, running a hand through his hand. “Couldn’t sleep…”

You step closer, the cool night breeze causing you to try to partially cover him with your blanket. “I could tell. You’ve got that look again… like you’re thinking too much.”

Venti chuckles lightly, still lacking his usual energy. “Yeah, maybe I am.” His eyes meet yours, the usual playful demeanour replaced with something more vulnerable. “The tour’s over... and I thought I’d feel more... complete. But instead, I just feel... empty.”

You join him to lean against the railing as well, your presence grounding him in a way he hasn’t realise he needed. “Maybe that’s normal,” You say after a moment to think. “You’ve been pushing yourself for so long. Maybe now that you’ve reached that goal, it’s okay to feel... off. You don’t always have to know what comes next. The guys are going to help you with that, for sure.”

Venti lets your words sink in, his shoulders relaxing a bit. It’s comforting… getting to hear it was okay to not have all the answers. Since the beginning, he had been the one everyone relied on to keep things moving forward. But maybe, just maybe, it was alright to take a step back and figure things out at his own pace. With or without their support.

“Thanks,” He murmurs. “I guess I needed to hear that.”

You smile softly, nudging him with your shoulder. “You’re allowed to take a break, you know. The world can wait for a while.”

Venti chuckles again, this time with more sincerity. “Yeah... I guess you’re right.” He takes a look back out at Mondstadt, the weight on his chest lifting ever so slightly. The future can wait. For now, he has this moment, and that was enough.

As you stand together on the balcony, the city quiet and still, Venti finally feels the tension ease out of him. He doesn’t have all the answers, and maybe that is okay. For tonight, being here, with you, is all he needs.

Whatever was happening today, was nothing short of chaos. Venti — the resident night owl — has been stuck in calls management for the past few hours, and questioned about the mess happening on social media. Xiao was at the epicentre of it, and they all needed the guy to realise whatever was going on.

Every awake member has done their utmost to try and get ahold of Xiao, without any success. Their last resort would be to visit his apartment… for quite the surprise.

By the time Xiao wakes up the 4NEMO group chat is in shambles. The poor idols have been trying to summon him for the past hours, their texts and calls going unanswered. He’s unsure what to do first when he sees all the notifications on his phone.

Once another call screen shows up, he finally answers. It’s Venti, obviously. Perhaps the group leader will enlighten him on what has transpired for the members to be unrestful.

“—Hello?” Xiao says, unsure.

“Oh my archon, fucking finally!” Venti’s shout makes the man recoil from the phone in an instant. “Have you seen the fucking video yet?”

“For fuck’s sake, lower your voice down… What’s up?” Xiao answers, looking at the asleep person in his bed. You’ve decided to stay the night after the date you had yesterday. He takes a second to think about what video Venti is even talking about.

As far as he’s concerned, it has to be the ‘making of’ their latest comeback… It’s been almost three weeks, meaning it was high time for it to be released.

“What happened?” Xiao asks once more, unnerved at Venti’s silence. Shit must’ve seriously hit the fan if Venti was giving him the silence treatment. He takes a second to think about what could’ve happened in the making of video of all things. He remembers you were there working as a movie producer… Was he in trouble due to something you’d done?

“Just…” Venti’s voice is numb, overwhelmed by the situation at hand. “Check twitter, would you.” He commands before hanging up.

Xiao blinks at his phone, the call abruptly ending with Venti’s cryptic demand. The sudden tension in his voice felt completely out of place, especially after such a peaceful night. He glances over at you, still fast asleep beside him, your face serene in the morning light filtering through the window. Whatever this was, it could wait... but clearly not for long.

He opened Twitter to a mess of being the star of trending tags. Not only him… You were also there, dubbed as ‘Xiao[Y/N]’. That was most certainly bad. The fans were not supposed to know about your relationship. What the fuck was going on?

Xiao hesitates a little before clicking to see what the deal is about. Maybe he's still dreaming. He wishes that was the case. His fingers hover over the trending tag. His heart is pounding in his chest, as anxiety creeps up his spine. He takes a deep breath before finally clicking on it. As the page loads, he’s met with an abundance of videos, comments, and screenshots. At first glance, it feels like utter chaos — the group’s fans are divided into theorising about your relationship, defending and attacking almost equally.

After a lot of scrolling, he finally sees it — one video with a particularly high number of notes. As soon as he clicks to see it, it all starts making sense. It’s the one scene Xiao had asked the editors to leave out the video… still in their newest release.

After multiple takes, the producers had announced that they finally got the shot.

“What do you think?” Xiao asked, coming up to you, swiping the sweat from his forehead. Solo scenes always made him nervous. Especially those where he was supposed to look attractive… and borderline sultry. If he had to pick a singular thing that absolutely enraged him, it was the constant need to pander to their fans.

“Very hot,” You answered, taking a look at him. You know you had gotten extremely lucky by getting into a relationship with such an attractive guy like Xiao… There were so many fans wishing they were in your spot, writing fanfiction just to get a crumb of what you had a daily intake of. “You gotta wear your hair pushed back more often.”

Your comment intrigued Xiao. Perhaps getting to work with an idol group for the first time, not to mention one your partner was in, was bringing out your weird thoughts. “Oh really?” He could engage in a little bit of teasing, why not. His eyes didn’t leave yours as he combed his hand through his hair.

From the faint hotness that crept onto your cheeks, he knew of the effect he had on you. Unfortunately for him, you were not the only one observing his motions.

“Get a fucking room, you lovebirds!” Heizou shouted from the other end of the shooting venue. This had gathered the attention of the remaining 4NEMO members, who out of nowhere became extremely interested in Xiao’s solo scenes… And with them, the camera followed in your direction.

It’s all there… in it’s full glory. “Fuck,” Xiao curses under his breath. He feels a sudden rush of cold, realising exactly why Venti sounded so panicked. This wasn’t just a minor breach of privacy — it was a full exposure of a relationship everyone involved with 4NEMO had been desperately trying to keep hidden.

The shitstorm he’s in the middle of proving exactly why he never spoke about you. The comments were relentless, ranging from supportive to accusatory. Some were feeling betrayed, others were speculating about every detail of your relationship. There were calls for a boycott, with a cluster of fans defending Xiao and his right to a private life.

He shuts his phone off, gripping his hair in frustration. This isn’t just bad for him— for heaven’s sake, you still didn’t know about anything. Would you even have a job anymore? For fucks’ sake, you had been so excited about working with 4NEMO and idols in general… and due to this fucking error your career could easily be over before it even took off.

Whatever this mess is, it needed desperate damage control. And for the sake for the sake of keeping your relationship healthy, he had to make you aware of what had happened.

Xiao shakes you awake, guilt all over his face. You look so comfy tucked under the blankets, akin to a kitten. No matter how much he’d prefer to leave you be and deal with the mess himself. There was absolutely a call to be made to whoever edited this episode.

“Five more mins…” You turn to the other side, getting away from Xiao’s hand.

“We don’t have five minutes,” Xiao sighs, taking away your blankets. “We’re in a lot of trouble, babe.”

The singular mention of you being in trouble wakes you up more efficiently than any espresso.

You sit up immediately, rubbing your eyes as you register Xiao’s serious tone. The warmth of the blankets is quickly replaced by a knot of anxiety forming in your stomach. "What do you mean we're in trouble?" you ask, your voice laced with confusion.

Xiao hesitates for a moment, his lips pressed into a thin line. "The making-of video... It’s out. And... there’s a scene in there. Us.”

It takes a second for his words to fully sink in. Your heart skips a beat as you process the weight of his words. “Wait, what? Us?” You ask, blinking rapidly confused.

“Yeah, that solo scene thing. The one where we… where I came over to talk to you. They didn’t cut it like I asked.” He looks at you with a mixture of guilt and concern. “Everyone knows now.”

You lay back down, deflated. No matter how much you tried to damage control — cutting out the scene, pulling the video down… it wouldn’t do anything. Whatever entered the domain of the internet would stay there for eternity. “What do you suggest, Xiao?”

“I need to call management, that's for fucking sure.”

Humming, you accept his thought. Getting the input of a third party would be for the best. The company must have a PR specialist ready to help with the damage control. “I thought you’d break up with me instantly if that ever were to happen.”

Xiao, who by this point got out of bed stops himself before leaving the room. The look he gives you says everything — ‘the fucking audacity you have’. He’s appalled at your train of thought.

“Have you lost your mind?.” He says, voice laced with coldness. “We’re in this together, for better or worse.”

Maintaining a relationship with an idol under sworn secrecy was difficult, but do you know what was even harder? Being an idol yourself and having to keep it to yourself.

You and Heizou had made the decision to keep your relationship private. After days of discussing and gathering input from your agency teams, you both reached the same conclusion: it was far easier to be cautious in public than to navigate the complexities of parasocial fans.

Every outing became a carefully calculated operation — hoodies on, masks and glasses adoring your faces. Not the simplest touch was shared between the two of you in public. Every precaution you could taken, you took. Any hugs, kisses and whatever Heizou felt like showering you with had to be done behind closed doors. If there had been one advantage of being signed to different idol agencies, it would’ve been the lack of ‘company-wide’ appearances. Honestly, if you two were ever seen together in public like that… well, social media would simply go up in flames.

Yet, there was one unavoidable event where idol groups from all over Teyvat would gather — the end-of-year awards. A nightmare for anyone trying to keep their relationship under wraps. Not only was the venue packed with fans, but it was also swarming with cameras. Every reaction shot of idols was broadcasted globally, often becoming memes, destined to live on as reaction images for ages.

This year’s award ceremony was most certainly one to go down in history.

You knew 4NEMO would be one of the groups performing this year — Heizou had given you a heads-up. You’d heard him hum through the setlist they’d prepared, and you’d even had a sneak peek at the prototype outfits they’d be wearing. But what he conveniently left out was who would be taking on the solo dance during the final instrumental section.

Now, seated at the table, surrounded by your fellow members and other industry icons, you suddenly understood why he’d kept that part a secret.

As the lights dimmed and refocused on a single point, your heart skipped a beat. A spotlight circled to the stage, and there he was — draped in burgundy, his signature colour, eyes fierce and focused. Every subtle hint, every melody he hummed recently, all led to this moment. And yet, seeing him under the spotlight, dressed to the nines and poised to take on the solo, was breathtaking in a way that not a single writer could capture with their words.

The music swelled, and Heizou moved with flawless precision. Each and every beat punctuated by sharp turns and graceful slides. It was simply impossible to take your eyes off of him.

In your subconscious, you could feel people staring at you, and yet there was not a single thing that could force you to look away. It felt as if Heizou was dancing right in front of you, for you. The distance from the tables you were sitting at to the stage where he was did not exist at that moment.

You could notice every glint in his eye, every smirk creeping on his face. He was not dancing for the audience. They simply had the privilege of being in the same space as the two of you. Holy fuck, your boyfriend was so fucking hot. Of course, he was attractive each and every day. Today he simply decided to crank it up to an eleven.

Whatever that Casanova was doing, he was doing it damn right. He was simply in each and every single one thought of your head and— oh my god. Did his hair tie just slip out?! Dearest fucking archons, the last thing you needed was witnessing his ruby locks swaying to the rhythm.

Wait, wait, wait. Dance breaks never lasted this long. What was going on? Did you get teleported to a different dimension, where time slowed just for you? Simply to allow you to watch your partner in his element? Surely not? Fuck, Heizou needed to really fucking stop. With each and every beat, you felt melting in your seat a little more.

With a strong push, your little trance was over. Your leader, and frankly your best friend has been trying to shake you back to reality for the last few minutes.

“Heavens, [Y/N].” They whispered, finally getting your attention away from your partner. “We most certainly do not need a dating scandal tonight.” Your confused look must’ve alerted your fellow members of how out of it you are. Truly, to you, the past thirty seconds felt like hours.

“You’ve been watching your loverboy so hard, you didn’t even notice that your reaction was out for everyone to see.”

“Pretty sure it’s all over the net already.”

“Man, I even took a picture. Wanna see?”

You cover your face with your hands, the seriousness of the situation slowly creeping in. Of course, they showed you. Not anyone else, but you. Do you even want to know how you looked? You feel all warm from the sheer nervousness enveloping your entire body.

“Our silly [Y/N],” Your leader resumes throwing whispers your way. “I don’t think, I’ve ever seen a person look at someone else with so much love in their eyes.”

“Your boyfie for sure enchanted you tonight. Make sure you reward him well later tonight.”

Oh right, you still had to deal with Heizou’s reaction on top of everything.

You have been pacing around your flat ever since getting home. You refuse to check either your phone or social media in general. Living with a lack of knowledge sounds like such bliss. You most certainly do not need to be given a reality check. Every time your brain stops for a little, your thoughts circle back to the performance Heizou gave earlier today.

“How annoying…” You whisper to yourself, slapping your cheeks gently. You really need something to take over your mind for a short while.

“Oh? What’s annoying you, dearest?” Heizou asks, his arms sneaking around your figure to give you a back hug. He separates the second he feels panic creep into your body. “Shh— It’s just me, don’t you worry.”

With a few deep breaths, led by your partner holding your hand and caressing it gently to further ground you, your heart rate finally returns to normal.

“Hi,” You stammer, finally taking a look at him.

“Hi,” Heizou answers back, his olive eyes looking with relief. “You okay now?”

“Yeah, sorry for worrying you for a sec there.” You sigh. “I’ve been out of it ever since the awards…” Your mind takes a double-back the second the words leave your mouth. Oh, you made a blunder.

“Did I dance too good for your liking, dear?” Heizou asks a smile not leaving his face as he tilts his head. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this enchanted at something!”

You’re completely still, taking his words in. Did— did he see your face while performing or… Oh heavens, did he get that from social media?

“The fans have dubbed your reaction ‘the only correct one’.”

You let out a groan, the unwanted reality settling in even more. The only correct reaction — as if you hadn’t already put yourself on display enough tonight. All you can do is bury your face in your hands again.

“Oh my god,” You mutter, voice muffled a little. “I knew I was watching a little too closely… I didn’t think they’d actually put it on a screen for everyone to notice.”

“Oh, trust me, love. There was no reality where that wouldn’t get shown.” Heizou chuckles, taking your hands gently and moving them aside to get a good look at your face. “Your expression was… let’s just keep it short. It was quite legendary. Almost had Xiao break his emo persona when we saw the fans’ posts on the drive back…”

You try and muster up a comeback, but nothing seems to come out. Instead, you just shake your head, feeling warmth blooming in your cheeks once more. “Look, I can’t help that I— “

“That you what?” Heizou prompts, leaning in dangerously close with a mischievous smirk, your hand still in his… His eyes fixed on yours.

“That I got… carried away.” You pause, exhaling with your entire body. “I mean, how could I not?! You were amazing, babe. I felt as if you were dancing just for me…”

Heizou’s smirks softens, as he nods slightly. “Perhaps I was,” he says, voice dropping to gentle murmur. “Perhaps I put everything into that dance… just because I knew you were watching.”

You manage to wiggle your hand out from his grasp. As it slowly rises up his body right to his face, you take his words in. Dancing with so much passion just because you were there huh? You pinch his cheek gently. “Next time, dance like that for me in private.”

“Oh?” His demeanour matches the one he had a few hours ago, the one which allured you so much. “How about you take me out to dinner first, then?”

It was no secret to the 4NEMO fanbase what your relationship with Kazuha was. You had been clearly dubbed his soulmate ever since you were introduced during one of his vlogs. Despite the initial confusion, they had no choice but to accept your position. Besides, you were an absolute sweetheart.

Sooner than later, you — a complete outsider to the world of idols — had garnered your own fanbase. Having been dubbed the 7th member of the group, protecting the boys from the ‘6 member curse’ you had become one of the most recurring side characters of 4NEMO daily content.

Despite being loved by many, some things never changed. Errands being one of them. At the end of the year, they just piled up like crazy, the atrocious weather discouraging you from ever leaving your house to do them in the first place.

“Come on, Dove…” Kazuha sighed, peeling the blankets from your body. He had promised to accompany you on your mission and preferred to be back in time for his afternoon nap. “We ought to get leave soon.”

He was met with unintelligible muffled words, most likely telling him to scram off. You, his absolute sweetheart of a partner telling him to fuck off? Quite the blasphemy. Kazuha just couldn’t leave the situation like this. Well… it was time to use brutal strength, wasn’t it?

In one singular swift motion, he scooped you up, blankets and all. If you didn’t leave the bed on your own, he’d simply take the bed with you. “You know I won’t be able to join you unless we do it today.” Kazuha was right — starting next week the group would begin their winter tour… Leaving you completely to your own devices. You would most certainly procrastinate it then too…

“I know…” You said, voice laced with sadness. “Am too comfy, thoughhh…”

If there was one way for Kazuha to take said comfiness away… Simply, It would be putting his muscles to good use. Here was to hoping he didn’t strain any of them. He’d rather not face the wrath of Venti and the group’s management. As he predicted, as soon as he started to spin in place — you still secured in his arms, you started shouting for him to let you go. Your lovely feeling of comfortableness and warmth was long gone…

“Pleasure to be working with you, Dove.” He lowered you onto the ground, allowing you to take a breather. Anything to make the world not spin. “Get ready, I’ll start working on breakfast.”

Just as you predicted, doing your errands in the company of your partner boosted your productivity. You managed to get a lot done… with your yearly health checkup as a cherry on top. As a treat and a reward for actually doing your errands, Kazuha was taking you to your favourite cafe as a prize.

Located in a hidden alleyway, it never had too many customers. The only ones who knew about its existence were coffee connoisseurs or 4NEMO fans, who learned about it from your daily instagram stories.

As you and Kazuha stepped into the cosy, dimly lit café, the warmth immediately contrasted with the biting cold outside. The soft hum of lo-fi music played in the background as the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee mixed with maple syrup enveloped the space. It was exactly the little haven you needed after a long day of errands, and Kazuha smiled as he saw the familiar look of contentment on your face.

"You always relax the moment we walk in here," He remarked whispering, brushing a strand of hair away from your face.

"How could I not? This place feels like a big hug," you reply, finding your favourite corner by the window. The barista, a young-looking girl came over to ask for your drinks of choice. She must’ve been a new hire since neither of you had ever seen her before. She was quickly shushed by her coworker, who decided to take over your order.

“The usual?” She asked, a smile on her face.

“Absolutely.” You answered, turning to Kazuha. “What about you, love?” You pointed to the maple latte, something that would fit his tastes to a T. “That sounds like something you’d enjoy.”

Kazuha shook his head, mentioning to the barista to make his usual order. “Just because my song is titled ‘Maple Leaf Samurai’ doesn’t mean I’m obsessed with maple flavour, silly.” He flicked your head lightly.

In no time your drinks are delivered by the younger barista. She takes a few good looks at both of you, as well as the drinks that now are on the table. “I hope you enjoy!” She smiles, before heading to go back…

“Oh, um.” You turn around, sort of curious about the girl. “Did you start working here recently?” You ask, getting her attention. “You don’t have to answer, but I’m simply curious. We’re regulars.”

She comes closer, moving a chair for her to sit on. “I am! I’ve learned of this place thanks to an idol group I listen to… You know, 4NEMO?” Oh. Did you perhaps open a can of worms? While it was nothing out of the ordinary for the fans to visit this place due to a recommendation you had given, getting a job was quite next level. Regardless if it was you or any other idols good on the girl. Getting a job at a young was so difficult in this part of Teyvat.

“The coffee is really lovely here…” You answer, taking a sip. “The people that recommended you this place must know what they’re saying.” Kazuha is keeping his eyes on you, not wanting to draw any unnecessary attention to himself. Meeting fans was nothing out of the ordinary for him, however, it had always been under the careful gaze of managers and security…

“The girl, [Y/N], is absolutely my fave. Such a blessed soul, she is…” At this point the barista is just daydreaming, swaying left and right on her chair. Her words put you into a completely still state. You know that there were fans of you in particular, but to have you as their favourite member?

By this point, Kazuha can no longer hide his laugh. He’s snickering in his seat, as delicately and elegant as possible… but he sure is not discreet.

“You’re a fan of [Y/N] too?” He chuckles, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye. The barista's eyes widen, as she tilts her head in confusion.

“Wait, you know of them too?!” She covers her mouth in shock, eyes going from Kazuha to you in a swift motion. “Are you fans of the group?”

You gave her a sheepish smile, scratching the back of your head. “Yeah… I guess you could tell we know of [Y/N] pretty well.”

Your partner takes your hand to play with your fingers. His eyes, however, don’t leave the barista. “Well, pretty easy to know of an individual when you’re dating them, no?” He asks, a smile reaching his ears.

The barista blinks rapidly, before jumping out of her chair. The atrocious creak of the chair moving makes her turn instantly to the counter. She’s apologising to her coworkers and other guests, before turning back. “Oh, my Archons.” She also bowed before the two of you. “— I didn’t realise, I’m so sorry! I should’ve recognised you sooner—“

You also stand up, wanting to help her calm down. “It’s not an issue, don’t worry…” Behind the girl’s back, you mouth an apology to your regular barista, nervous for causing such a commotion. You take a deep breath, noticing the young girl is settling down.

“Sorry… regardless—“

“There’s absolutely no need.” Kazuha also stands up, fully in his idol mode. “It’s absolutely fine. It’s quite a refreshing experience, in all honestly.” His smile is filled with so much purity. Oh, your darling angel.

The sudden meeting ends with a proposition to take a picture. It’s done under the promise of not sharing it on social media. The barista asks specifically for a picture with just you and her — her ult bias. Oh, that is the price for being an unfortunate not real member of a group.

“Mr. Kazuha,” The girl starts. “Be sure to treat your lovely [Y/N] well. There are so many fans ready to fight you for her love and affection.”

Kazuha chuckles in response. With being one of the more active members, he’s quite aware of the situation at hand. In reality… pretty much one-third of his fans enjoy you more than him. It most certainly fills his heart with both happiness… and relief.

“But of course.” He smiles, hiding his mouth with his hand. “I’ll make sure to fight every single one of you before I hand My Dove over.”

There was a lot that could go wrong when your relationship was announced to the entirety of the globe, not to mention how bad it was when said information was released by a gossip website.

You had been fully aware of the consequences of dating Wanderer — his fanbase was labelled as the most toxic one amongst all of 4NEMO idols. What had there been more to say, there had been a lot of people who wished to be in your place.

The sheer amount of emails sent to your agencies demanding for you to break up was something else. The flood of messages, tweets and posts flooded in from fans who had felt entitled to dictate your life had been overbearing on your mind.

Unfortunately, for you, the biggest and the most unwelcome surprise had been yet to come. After an entire day of you alone had ended off with a call from the manager leading the group you were a member of… They had decided to put you on an indefinite hiatus. The company had chosen to exclude itself from helping your situation in any way…

Oh, the tears you had shed that night. The comforting words your partner had to speak to try and calm you down.

Looking back, that was the exact moment you had felt at your worst. From the sheer stupidity of a gossip magazine, which hadn’t even managed to gather reliable material — one you hadn’t had the opportunity to sue from the lack of funds — you had lost everything in one day. The only cherry on top had been seeing your fellow members be given lines in songs that had previously belonged to you.

Your hiatus, slowly, had turned into a permanent erasure of you from the band. After many deliberations between the higher-ups, you had simply been let go. You had been thrown to the curb, forced to fend for yourself. With the unfortunate resume, the gossip website had given you, not a single rational had wanted to bet on an idol who could be in a scandal.

To say your mental health had hit rock bottom would be an understatement.

And yet, a light at the end of a dark tunnel existed. Your partner, despite his sarcastic persona, took your struggles seriously and did his utmost to keep you sane during the said period. That, however, did not mean Wanderer didn’t participate in some bad decision-making himself. He was taking to social media consistently, hurling insults at your previous company.

“Even if we weren’t together, I would’ve done so.” He rolled his eyes when you commented on his behaviour one time. “What sort of fucking company decides to let go of a damn good idol just because they get spam mail, like be for fucking real babe…”

Wanderer truly became your rock during those times. These unfortunate times didn't do anything but strengthen your bond. What his fans wanted had the exact opposite effect on your relationship.

As for your ruined career… your partner couldn’t simply leave it as that. There was so much potential left to rot, simply because some people got overwhelmed and decided to take it out on you. He decided to pull all the strings he could, just to get you back on the idol scene — with as much grace as possible.

Bowing and scraping was not something he preferred to indulge in, but for your sake, it was quite worth it. Over the months before your relationship was revealed you had done so much to get him out of the emotional void he was stuck in… seeing you slowly enter it yourself had been the last thing he wished for.

Many months later, the stars began to align themselves. Thanks to Wanderer’s recommendations a smaller company had decided to take you in as a solo artist. They were taking quite the gamble with your person, and you had put everything you could to make your debut a success. Your fans, 4NEMO fans, who decided to side with you after your boyfriend’s campaign… they all had done everything to make it as profitable as possible.

To say you did a marvellous job would not simply be enough. Your perception was shifting ever so slightly with more critics complimenting the work you had done. Being your fan was no longer something to hide.

With the sudden throwback into stardom, one group of people have made themselves known once more… The paparazzi — ones that also were working for the gossip page that was kinda sorta behind your initial downfall.

You were simply leaving the company after a morning filled with mornings, when out of nowhere you were met with a magnitude of flashes. With a phone in your hand, you had simply done the first thing that came to mind. And well, it was to cover yourself with it. Oh, if only you didn’t forget what you had in your case — a pretty, unreleased photocard of your partner was there… All for people’s glory.

What a way to make your return. Another Wanderer-related scandal to greet you, just as your career began to take off once more.

“Holy fuck, you really have the worst luck, babe,” Wanderer says as you step into your shared apartment. You texted him about the situation on your way back, seeking his advice. “Did management get back to you?”

You sink into the cough, your head landing right into his lap. “They say they don’t mind… But I’m still nervous.” Despite their reassurance, your experience has taught you no company wants to deal with scandals. Especially a small one like the one you currently work at.

“They better fucking not, ” He replies, his finger threading through your hair as he caresses your scalp. “Especially after what I have saved in my drafts on instagram.” He is muttering to himself, talking about a scandal of a lifetime…

It’s not like you’re paying attention to whatever he’s speaking of. You’re far too comfortable and far too anxious to do so.

It wasn’t long before you discovered the ‘scandal’ your partner decided to create. You open social media to find his latest post — a playful selfie with his phone in the frame, sporting a cute photo card of yours in his case. It mirrors the exact scene you were photographed earlier that day. And of course, its cation was quintessential Wanderer:

‘You bitches thought you got rid of my partner? Nah, think again. It might do you good.”

You couldn’t help but let out a breathless laugh mixed with disbelief. Dearest heavens, this was quite a way to wake up! Your heart raced, not just from the surprise, but from the sheer magnitude of his words.

But the reaction come quickly, as expected. Wanderer’s phone starts buzzing with calls from 4NEMO's management, ready to scold him for pulling such a risky move. You can almost hear their collective sighs of exasperation through the line.

Yet, as you sit there, staring at the screen, a warmth spreads through you. There is something undeniably attractive about how he puts himself on the line for your career and mental health. It was such a bold statement - one that showed he was willing to face the backlash just to support you.

date of posting — october 28th 2024

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swarovskiseraph · 2 years ago

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SOME* OF YA'LL ARE NEVER GOING TO GET YOUR DESIRES, AND YOU'LL HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELVES

*WARNING: TOUGH LOVE RANT. also, like everything in life, take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not doing anything i mention in this post, then this post doesn't apply to you.

before anyone comes for me, MOST of us are going through (or have gone through) hard circumstances. many of us have come from abusive households, abusive relationships, poverty, homelessness, & just overall bad circumstances.

but you know why the bloggers & anons who succeed in manifesting their desires/desired lives ACTUALLY SUCCEED?

because they took accountability for their current state and their limiting patterns.

because they were disciplined & determined enough to claim their desire(s), apply the law, & persist regardless of EVERYTHING.

because they knew that this practice would actually change their lives forever and allowed NOTHING to stand in their way.

AND GUESS WHAT? NOW THEY HAVE THEIR DESIRES/DESIRED LIFE!

if you were to be 100% honest and tell me why after months/years of being in this community you STILL haven't manifested your desires/desired life yet, what would be the answer?

overconsumption? procrastination? laziness? lack of persistence?

whatever the case may be, what i do know for a FACT is that it has been no one's fault but YOURS.

many of you guys come running on this platform; asking the same repetitive questions, complaining about not seeing results, whining about how sad your life is and how hard your circumstances are, or just straight up hating on some of these bloggers that are helping you FOR FREE, when they could be using that time to enjoy their desires/the life that they manifested for themselves.

LIKE...DO YOU REALIZE HOW PATHETIC & ENTITLED SOME OF YOU GUYS ARE?

"can you pleaseee manifest/tap into the void for me?" 🥺

"im so lazyyy, i can't be bothered to persist..." 🥱

"loa is FAKE! you guys are a bunch of lying b***hes..." 🤬

"my life is sooo hard, i have such a horrible life...*continues to trauma dump*" 😭

OHHH MYYY F*CKINGGG GODDD!

there are MILLIONS of people in the world who are in unfavorable/horrible circumstances that have NO IDEA what the law of assumption is, and have NO WAY to access this type of information!

you guys literally have the knowledge and awareness to make the most beautiful life possible for yourselves with JUST YOUR IMAGINATION, and yet, A LOT of you guys are the most ungrateful, lazy, irresolute, undisciplined whiners, who don't want to do even the BARE MINIMUM to change your entire lives!!

TRUST ME, everyone on this platform (including myself) understands that there will be setbacks. we all know that they are going to be bad days. we all understand that everyone has their own personal/mental issues. we get that life has obstacles and that not every day will be a win.

BUT, you guys NEED to put in the effort & not give up! you guys NEED to STOP letting your ego win! you guys NEED to get tf off of social media and stop overconsuming information. you guys NEED to claim your desires/desired life, stay consistent & persist until your desires/desired life has materialized.

because guess what, a day turns into a year pretty quickly, and you'll have gone another year of NOT having your desires/desired life, and it's going to be no one's fault but yourself...

do you REALLY want another year of watching everyone else get what they want besides you? do you REALLY want another year of not having your desired appearance, your sp, or financial freedom?

REALLY?

i hope the answer is no...because that's a HUGE waste of time that could be used to actually have the things & life you want.

everyone deserves to live the life they want...but at the end of the day, no one & nothing has the power to manifest the life you want but YOU.

#law of assumption #loa #manifest #manifesting #manifesation #spirituality #self concept #neville goddard #success story #void state #void success #void success story

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minisugakoobies · 7 months ago

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It's You - Choi San | 3 AM

Pairing: San x Reader Genre: smut, crack, fluff, angst, roommates to lovers, BFF’s Lil Bro!AU Series Rating: M (18+) Drabble Warnings: sneaking around, sloppy making out, lots of cuddling and kissing, honestly this is super soft, drunk San is a whole different type of menace, a little angst on OC's part, pet names deployed as weapons (baby) Word Count: 2.1k Disclaimers: SFW, obviously I don’t own ATZ - they just inspire me

Summary: He was only supposed to be a temporary roommate. Your best friend’s little brother, crashing on your couch for a few weeks. That’s it. How did this happen?

A/N: This started with talking about drunk San with @minttangerines and @kiestrokes, and then @moni-logues made me miss this couple, so boom! New vignette! I should warn you that I wrote this over the course of 2 days, entirely between the hours of midnight and 5 am because I've been staying up wayyyy too late to watch the Coachella livestreams (can we talk about Chellateez?! because holy shit!), so it's probably a mess and it's unbeta'd, so… blame any typos or incoherency on my fucked up sleep schedule! 🥱

Lyrics are from "Moondance" by Van Morrison, inspired by that one toktoq of San singing that song, which absolutely killed me.

Taglist is open! Reblog, comment, or send me an ask to be added! You can also send me any ideas/thoughts you might have for a future scenario - who knows, it might end up in a drabble! 💕

It’s You Masterlist 🐈‍⬛ ATZ Masterlist 🐈‍⬛ Main Masterlist

It’s three in the morning, and you’re wide awake, at your desk, working frantically on an article whose deadline is mere hours away. For not the first time tonight, you curse your natural inclination towards procrastination and scrub your hand down your face, wishing you’d chosen a different career.

There’s some noise outside your door and you realize San must be home. He’d been down at the Blue Bird with Hongjoong, drinking and hanging out with Wooyoung as he bartended. From the way San’s shuffling around, it sounds like Woo had been his typical kind self and given San more generous pours than he should have. A loud “oof” resonates, and you hear the armchair scrape the floor a bit, as if he were setting it back in its place. You wince, hoping he didn’t wake his sister, who has an early shift and needs to be up at dawn.

“Noona. Nooooooona.” Tap tap tappity tap. “Are you up? I can see - I can see your light.”

San raps on your door, calling out to you in a voice that’s hushed but maybe not quite as quiet as he thinks it is. From his spot on your bed, Nero lifts his head off his paws at the sound, then blinks at you with his bright green eyes.

“I know. He’s loud as fuck, isn’t he?” With a cluck of your tongue, you quickly hop up and open the door. San must’ve been leaning against it, because suddenly you’ve got a mountain on top of you, a loose-limbed one at that, eagerly but clumsily wrapping its arms around you. “San!”

“Hiiiii,” San coos into your shoulder, where he’s buried his face. You shudder slightly as his breath tickles your skin exposed by the tank top you wear, and stagger away from the door enough to close it quietly as you can, not an easy task to do given the giant mass of man hanging his dead weight on you.

“You know, your sister is sleeping just on the other side of this wall,” you remind him, but he doesn’t respond, too busy lathering the column of your neck with tiny kisses. “San. Come on, sit down.”

With some stumbling from San and a not insignificant effort on your part, the two of you make it over to your bed. Your attempt at coaxing San into a sitting position fails miserably as he promptly splays on his back, pulling you on top of him. Nero hops off the bed in a huff.

You go down like a sack of flour, not a gram of gracefulness in your fall, but San appears not to notice when your chin bounces off his sternum or your knee rams his thigh. He sighs contentedly, wrapping his arms around your back, tucking you against him.

“Mmmm. So nice,” he murmurs, resting his cheek against the top of your head.

It’s three in the morning, and you need to finish this damn article. Except that right now, your body is telling you that what you really need is to stay exactly where you are. Because the minute the warmth of San’s embrace surrounded you, your stress melted away. The steady rise and fall of his chest calms you, makes your own breathing slow. You close your eyes, nestling closer to him, sliding your own arms around his waist. You could so easily fall asleep like this.

But he can’t sleep here.

“San. San, are you awake?”

“I’m awake,” he replies, but with closed eyes, which doesn’t really give you a lot of confidence in his response. “I am,” he insists when you shake him, rolling his head away, but he still doesn’t look at you.

“Don’t fall asleep,” you warn him sternly. “I mean it!”

San smiles, the one that tells you that he knows you’re going to give in to him, which is the smile you tend to see him flash the most often, because you’re weak for him and always giving in. But this isn’t one of those times when you can indulge him. No matter how much you want to.

“Wish you’d come to the bar tonight. Wanted you there.”

You knew that. He’d told you as much when he’d texted earlier. Unfortunately, you had to turn him down for the sake of remaining gainfully employed. He’d tried to convince you otherwise at first but finally said he understood. And then sent you a series of sad selfies, each one more pathetic than the last, lips puffing to an extreme. Because he understands the power that pout holds over you.

It’s embarrassing how bad you’re down for this man.

San’s fingers dance idly down your spine, and you sigh, eyes slipping shut again as you speak. “Believe me, I would’ve rather been there with you.”

He hums, fingertips quickening their light minuet. He mumbles something into your hair, low and unintelligible from the way his lips are smushed against your head, so it takes you a few seconds to realize he’s not talking, he’s singing.

“... marvelous night for a moondance, with the stars up above in your eyes…”

“San,” you begin, but before you can warn him not to get any louder, he does so anyway, raising his beautiful voice a little, starting to get into it.

“A fantabulous night to make romance, 'neath the cover of October skies…”

“Shhh!” Your shushing is cut short by your giggling, as you clap a hand over San’s mouth. “Oh my god, now is not the time for this!”

This is one of San’s more notable habits - when a song gets stuck in his head, you’ll hear him singing it for days, just walking around the apartment humming the melody or, if he has an audience, belting out the lines. He knows how much you love his sweet tenor. Another fact about you he’s filed away to devastate you with at the most opportune times.

Like when you need to kick him out of your bed.

He continues singing despite your hand pressing on his lips, slurring the words directly into your palm. His eyebrows are working overtime, top half of his face playfully conveying whatever lyrics are being smothered against your skin. He’s so ridiculous, so over-the-top, even at three in the morning when anyone else would be exhausted, like you felt before he walked into your room, since his energy is infectious and perked you up better than the multiple cups of coffee you downed in your desperate attempt to stay awake. That’s San for you - he’s always giving you something when you need it - his time, his help, his energy.

So you decide to give him something back, and replace your hand with your mouth, drawing him into a tender kiss, imbuing it with all those things you feel but never say. His muffled singing becomes a hum becomes a moan, at first surprised, then pleased. One of his hands drops to your thigh and with a bit of urgent tugging, he maneuvers you on top of him, chest pressed to chest.

His kissing is only the slightest bit sloppier when he’s been drinking, wetter from his tongue caressing yours with somewhat less skill than usual, but it’s never bothered you. You like seeing this side of him, looser with his inhibitions, with whatever holds him in place - or holds him back. One day you’ll ask him to show you more, when you’re both sober.

And when things are different. Less… ambiguous between the two of you.

If you reach that point.

“Noona.” San whispers, thankfully pulling you from the heavier thoughts threatening to sink you right out of the moment. You open your eyes to look at him as he pecks your cheeks. “I like kissing you.”

You grin, letting your forehead knock against his. “Yeah, I kinda noticed.”

“Aren’t you going to say it back?” The look he gives you would melt the hardest of hearts. This is why you’re not afraid to be needy with San. There’s no reason to be, not when he’s just the same.

“I like kissing you too,” you declare, kissing the tip of his nose, laughing at the way his eyes cross as he follows your lips. “But now’s not the time for that, either.”

“Then what time is it?”

Laughing, you gently guide him into a sitting position, keeping your arms looped over his shoulders. His lust is morphing into sleepiness, eyelids drooping as he gazes at you, and your heart goes so soft at the sight of him.

“It’s time for you to go to bed.”

“Okay,” he chirps, immediately flopping onto his back again.

“Ohhhh no, not here. You gotta go. I still have to finish my work, and you…” The words stick in your throat. You can’t be here. You don’t want to say them. You want him to be here. Tonight, and tomorrow, and on and on.

But that’s a conversation for another time. Not three in the morning.

“You have to go,” you groan, sliding off the bed and grabbing his arms, less gentle and more insistent this time. “Come on, get up!”

San lets out a whine of protest. “But baby, why can’t I stay here?”

Oh, he would drop a ‘baby’ now, slipping it in so casually, so naturally, like there’s nothing unusual about him calling you that. As if it’s not something new he only started doing the other day, happening maybe a handful of times since.

Since the two of you have been doing this undefined thing, there’s really only been one unspoken rule. You sleep in your bed, and he sleeps on the couch. Even on the nights when Haneul’s working the late shift, or she’s over at Jongho’s. You never know if she’ll come home early, so you don’t risk it. It’s just easier this way.

Doesn’t mean you like it, though.

“Because. If Haneul catches you coming out of here - “

The sound of a door opening makes you freeze right down to your tongue, leaving your sentence unfinished. Your head swivels towards your own door. A pair of feet pad down the hall, getting closer, then fading away, until you hear another door being closed. The bathroom.

“Noona.”

You turn to find a sober-looking San staring at you. He reaches out, hands settling on your hips, holding on to you as you stand between his legs. Clinging again.

“She’s in early today, right?”

The two of you probably know Haneul’s schedule better than she does. You nod.

“Then I’ll just stay in here. She’ll think I never came home.”

He makes it sound so simple. So reasonable. He’ll stay here until she leaves. Why didn’t you think of that? Is it because you don’t like thinking of San with someone else, even if said person is an imaginary person who exists solely to provide an excuse that will allow you to get what you want? And if you get what you want now, it’s only going to hurt more when you can’t have it anymore?

Yeah, that’s probably it.

“I don’t know…” you bite your lip.

“Come on,” he wheedles, drawing you into his lap again, cupping your face with both hands. “Let me stay with you. Don’t you want me?”

And there it goes, the last remaining bit of your resistance.

“Okay.”

San seems a little shocked, face lighting up in delight, and you wonder if it’s at how quickly you agreed, or that you agreed at all. Maybe both.

“But we have to be quiet. So, you know…” You trail off, gesturing wordlessly.

“No moondancing?” He emphasizes the word heavily, lifting a brow, and you roll your eyes but grin as well.

“Right, none of that.”

“Just cuddles?”

As if he needs to ask. You nod. “But I’m not coming to bed until I finish my work.” You reclaim your seat at your desk, folding your arms over the back of it, trying to give the appearance of someone with a solid backbone, since yours is apparently made of pudding.

“That’s okay,” San says, already tugging his shirt off, then his pants, until he’s only in his boxer briefs. He peels back your comforter, sliding into the soft sheets, and again the action is so natural, so normal, like he does this every night, that something in your chest constricts. “I’ll just wait for you.”

Your first thought is that you should inform him that he’s going to be waiting a while, but then again, maybe he won’t.

You’re feeling suddenly inspired.

(It’s three in the morning, and you’re falling in love.)

If you liked this fic, please consider reblogging! Likes do not help it get seen by other readers. 💕

Taglist: @sweetnspicy-noona @krystal-a @jennylychee @hiefisch

#ateez fanfic #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez fluff #san x reader #choi san x reader #san fanfic #ateez angst #choi san fanfic #fic: it's you

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py-dreamer · 5 months ago

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@dynamicsimp hope ya like it!

EYESHOT AU DITY

I literally did this in one day- help.

So yeah, I tried out the gosh-dang challenge and honestly?

Quite happy with how it came out! It was very interesting and actually very fun working on a piece with a monochrome pink palette!

Gosh, I haven't gotten to use my REAL lineless style (I use it for stickers but I haven't done any stickers in forever) where all the cel shading is real harsh and as it says in the title: no outline.

Lately, I've been more focused on lighting and texture in my digital works and just making everything 'softer' and more 'realistic' but dang, I forgot how much I missed just using my harsh and more cartoony style.

But because it looked good, here's the one with some light:

I am very happy especially since I do believe there is some improvement in the style.

(In that it doesn't look as amateur as when I first started out. But I think that's mostly cause I used monochrome here)

Does anyone else get that struggle? Feeling like you're not advancing then keep pushing yourself to change and improve but also really missing the original style?

Anyways some of y'all might be wondering where I've been for pride month....

I PROMISE IT'S NOT CAUSE I HATE PRIDE MONTH OR LGBTQ+ PLEASE PUT YOUR PITCHFORKS DOWN!!!!!

Mainly it has mostly been art block and just demotivation especially since I'm STILL WORKING ON THAT BIG PROJECT UGHHGHHHGGGHHGG.

(I'm not blaming y'all I'm just feral)

And just general procrastination.

BUT.

I do have another project in the works. So to any of my lovely marshiemallows who have seen my previous posts,

you'd know that I'm very...opinionated about Macaque. More specifically his attitude in canon and how the fandom treats him.

(Keep in mind the thing was planned before s5)

DISCLAIMER: Again, I do enjoy Mac's character. I just think he's a bit of a d!ck and kinda hates how a lot of the fandom (not all) brushes that over and throws the bucket of Wukong's sins down on the king's head.

(I also would not hesitate to wack him with a stop sign on the chopping block if given the chance /hj)

But without further ado I decided to do something other than complain and present you guys this:

Yay! So if you're into Macaca bullying, join the Mac bullying train! CHOO CHOO!

(also big thanks to @furornocturna for beta reading and helping with characterizations and stuff. There will be another post just detailing bout the fic later but yea go check them out, their work's great)

AND HAPPY ANIVERSARY TO DYNAMICSIMP FOR THE AU!

#lmk #lego monkie kid #my beloved #art #py's_art #lmk au #lmk eye shot au #lmk fanart #shadowpeach #lmk monkey king #lmk macaque #lmk sun wukong #lmk liu er mihou #lmk six eared macaque #the hero and the warrior were like the sun and the moon

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justauthoring · 4 months ago

Text

Shadow of Yourself [15/18]

Prompt: “You’ve changed, Eli. I barely even know who you are right now.”

A/N: final part of season five! i can't believe i finally finished season five yall because i procrastinated on it for sooooo long but it actually ended up being one of my favourite to write!

Based off of: Cobra Kai 05x08, 05x09, and 05x10 Warnings: some swear words (because tumblr apparently doesn’t like that), poorly written fight scenes (i swear, i struggle so much) ALSO! this chapter deals with some heavier topics - self-doubt and deprication, as well as the reader blames herself for the deaths of her family (but don't worry, eli makes it better <3) ! overall, there's some heavier things discussed so just be warned. Pairing: Eli Moskowitz x F!Reader

Tag List: @moonydrafts - @ashwhowrites - @traveleraroundsworld - @truly-abysmal - @likecherriesinthespring - @hollxe1 - @asonofpeter - @scarlett-verse - @musically-ambiguous - @kayda1 - @moon-zoons - @dwcode - @day-dreamsinthedark - @leilani788 - @silvermagnolias - @hawkinsavclub - @animewolflover278 - @gruffle1 - @b-tchymoon - @maggiecc - @beetea38 - @hawkinsavclub1983 - @crpytids - @embersparklz - @kimilight - @httpjiikook - @marauderssmut - @fyckcore - @multinci - @lqveabby - @oh-well-whatever-nevermind - @redskull199987 - @silvermagnolias - @shortneko - @okjaeminn - @thecyclonetragedy - @vamproq - @siriusfahey - @cobrakaigirlie - @kaylinfayezink - @oursuh - @aphroditelxver - @minl0u - @cherrywinepoison - @bath1lda - @fixalice - @fallsofserinity - @maisieibae - @ssrcsm - @notplutos - @kaitieskidmore1 - @httpvomitello - @nichmeddar - @rafaelajonerr - @lazyneonrabbitt - @belleoftheball28 - @httpvomitello - @nichmeddar - @rafaeljonerr - @lazyneonrabbitt - @harrysnovia - @dopepersonacloudllama - @fluffybunnyu - @lovesanimals0000

THE GANG'S BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.

Training had ramped up for the Sekai Tekai, even more when you found out that there would need to be a male and female champion that would go against Cobra Kai to represent Miyagi-do as a whole and therefore, finalize whether Miyagi-do would even be participating in the Sekai Tekai or not.

Needless to say, you’d willingly allowed Sam to be the female champion. Of course, out of respect, Mr. Larusso and Sam had spoken to you and asked but you’d simply just assured them both you were more than happy to let Sam have the spot if she wanted it. You’d known that she was trying to focus on herself more, outside of karate, but the impression you’d gotten was despite her hesitance, it was still something she felt was important to her.

Even more when everyone clearly knew that Tory would be Cobra Kai’s chosen champion. The tension between the both of them was still abundantly clear and you didn’t want to get in the way of anything Sam felt she had to prove.

You didn’t want to take that away from her.

“You’re sure?” Sam asks, eyes pinched with concern.

“I don’t want you to think we don’t consider you an option, Y/N,” Daniel explains, standing next to his daughter in a similar fashion of worry. “You’re a formidable fighter yourself.”

You just wave them off, nodding at Daniel. “I promise you it’s okay,” then, you send Sam a bright smile and a thumbs up. “You’ll kick ass, I know it.”

Sam flushes faintly at that, leaning forward to give you a hug which you return with ease, squeezing her with a laugh.

And that had settled that.

The boys champion, however, was still up for debate. You knew Johnny had pulled Miguel, Robby and Eli aside to speak to them about it and you couldn’t enjoy the pizza party until you knew. Obviously, you wouldn’t wish ill on Robby or Miguel and you knew they were also incredibly skilled at karate, but you knew, even if he wouldn’t admit it, that Eli really wanted to be chosen.

And obviously you hoped he would be too.

“Hey.”

Gasping, you spin, face brightening with anticipation and hope as you see Eli making his way over to you. You quickly make your way over to him, slipping your hand into his own as you wait for him to tell you.

“What’re you doing out here alone?”

Huffing, purposefully dramatic, you shake your head. “Waiting for you,” you explain with a rush. “So?” You press without a second more of hesitation, eyes twinkling. Eli doesn’t look upset, not that you think he’d be overly disappointed if Miguel was chosen and not even Robby anymore now that they’d gotten past their differences. Really, though, Eli was giving nothing away and it was frustrating. “Who’s the boys champion?”

Eli laughs at your insistence, shaking his head. “Well, after a long and oddly careful conversation from Johnny about how he and the other sensei’s wanted to do this fairly, we came to a decision.”

“And?”

Eli purposefully baits you with silence, hesitating as you slap him lightly on the shoulder with a laugh and a scoff until finally Eli is submitting and he grins at you.

“Me.”

You brighten; “you?”

“Apparently Miguel and Robby decided they’d let me before,” Eli grins, nodding. “So, yes, me.”

“Yes!” You cheer, voice pitching in excitement as you throw your arms around Eli’s shoulders. He stumbles back in response, laughing as you squeeze him tightly against yourself, face beaming in absolute delight and excitement for Eli. “I’m so happy for you!”

Hands falling on your hips, Eli chuckles; “you’re more excited than I was.”

“Well, duh,” you laugh, pulling back, “this is so amazing! You get to represent Miyagi-do!”

Eli falters slightly at that, looking suddenly thoughtful; “it is a lot of pressure.”

“You’ll do great,” you say with no hesitance or doubt. “You’re an All Valley champ after all.” To add to your point, you poke his cheek with a faint giggle, missing the absolute adoring look on Eli’s face as he watches you celebrate him with a beaming grin on your face and words full of sincerity and love.

Eli thinks back on that day you stood up for him, all the way in middle school and remembers the way that from then on, you had become his whole world. He hadn’t understood it at the time, not completely, but no one had ever stood up for him like that.

Certainly never a girl for that matter either. And Eli had known how important that was to him and how important it still was.

You’d been so kind and cheerful, a blindingly bright spot in his otherwise dull life. He’d had Demetri who of course meant the world to him, but he knows that if he were to ask Demetri himself that his friend would agree too – you’d been the best thing in their lives, standing up for them and joining their small, nerdy and outcasted friend group. And yet, despite all that, you’d never once complained.

You’d signed yourself off that day, joining them, and you’d done so with grace and a toothy grin.

And after all he’d done, how much of a douche he’d been, Eli can’t believe you’re still here with him.

He thinks he’s the luckiest guy in the world.

“Thanks,” Eli settles with, even though there’s so much he wants and could say. He doesn’t know how to put it in words though, he never has. Before he’d become “Hawk”, Eli had never been good with words – hence why Demetri dubbed him as “man of few words” – and now, even as “Hawk” or something past that, Eli finds he still can’t conjure up the right things to say.

He’s stupid and irrational and makes a lot of mistakes, but he hopes you know how much your encouragement and support really does mean the world to him.

“It’s a big honour,” he continues, “but I'm prepared to face the challenge.”

Your eyes spark, sending him an ear-to-ear winning smile as you nod; “I know you are.”

Flushed, Eli lets his eyes wander, turning in the direction he’d found you staring and frowns when he sees Sam training with Daniel and Chozen.

“They just chose Sam?” Eli asks, baffled as he turns back to you, squeezing your hips. All excitement at having been chosen himself suddenly doesn’t matter when Eli thinks you’ve been unfairly casted aside. “Without even giving you a chance?”

You look confused, just briefly, following his gaze before your face parts in realization and your lips part. “Oh, no, Eli,” you laugh, setting your hand against his chest in reassurance. “I let Sam be the girl’s champion.”

Eli pauses, confused; “what, why?”

“Because,” you laugh, like the answer is obvious. It bothers Eli. “Sam is way more skilled than me.”

“That is not true,” Eli instantly argues, shocked that you’d talk so low of yourself. “You’re an amazing fighter, just like she is.”

“Eli, she made it to the final round in the All Valley… I got beat out by Tory,” you remind and Eli watches as you shake your head, ever so nonchalant as you pass yourself off like it’s the easiest thing you’ve ever done. “And we both know Cobra Kai will choose her as their champion. Sam is logically the best option.”

Once again Eli thinks about you standing up for him. How fierce you’d been, how determined – you’d talked down a boy twice your size and older than you without hesitation or an ounce of fear. You’d done it with such bravery that Eli still thinks you’re the bravest girl he knows.

Then he thinks about Yasmine and how cruel she’d been to you. He thinks about the way she’d bullied you, made you feel lesser than yourself, made you feel ashamed.

He thinks of Kyler that day making crude and disgusting comments about you – being easy, being—

Eli thinks about how not once did he ever stand up for you like you had for him.

And he stares at you now, selling yourself short and not even questioning it and he’s filled with such guilt and hurt that Eli doesn’t know what to say.

“Eli?” You call, voice soft, pulling him from his thoughts as you glance up at him curiously. Eli blinks before focusing on you and you just smile. “It’s seriously no big deal. Now, come on, we’re missing the pizza party.”

You’re slipping your hand into his and pulling him along, reaching the kitchen where everyone’s stood and instantly bounding over to Miguel and Robby with a grin and a laugh. Eli can’t focus, not at first, not on the conversation or anyone else.

All he can think about is how he needs to make you see your worth like you’ve always made him see his.

You watch with a nervous expression, eyes never leaving Eli as he starts his fight.

You’re already apprehensive, especially with the fights taking place in Cobra Kai’s new big fancy dojo, but when you see how Kenny steals the first point, you’re reminded of why Cobra Kai is so dangerous. Kenny, despite being newer to karate and younger, is ruthless; he fights with the aggressiveness and anger you used to see Eli fight with and it makes your stomach tense with nerves.

Which only builds when the ref, unfairly, declares Eli’s following point against Kenny as out of bounds.

It definitely wasn’t out of bounds.

Eli is a good fighter. You know he’s a good fighter.

But Cobra Kai is fighting unfairly and that makes you scared.

The next round starts and Kenny starts the same, quick, ruthless and all aggression. Eli is able to keep up, blocking Kenny’s never-ending hits and then shifts, lifting his leg to strike at Kenny but the kid grabs him, doing an illegal strike right onto the bend of Eli’s leg. A cry of pain leaves Eli’s lips as he’s forced to bend, falling to his knee and slumping forward.

You jump, a gasp leaving your lips as you turn to your sensei’s.

“Illegal strike,” the referee shouts, “that’s a warning.”

Your gaze falls to Daniel, panicked; “sensei!”

Daniel meets your eye, shaking his head; “warning?” He scoffs at the ref. “He should be disqualified.”

Grunting, Eli limps over to Johnny and Daniel. “No, it’s fine,” he breathes, lowering his leg. “He… He just caught me off guard.”

“Are you sure, Eli?” Daniel asks, apprehensive.

You’re standing right next to the both of them, looking worriedly at Eli who glances at you, briefly, before nodding over at them. “No more Eli,” he says, voice sharp. “It’s time to uncage the ‘Hawk’.”

Reaching up, he brushes both of his palms against his mohawk, meeting your gaze one last time with a reassuring smirk before turning back to Kenny.

It gives you a little bit of confidence, and you want to believe in Eli but the way he limps back doesn’t reassure you at all and fizzles out any that you’d had left.

Your worry is justified. The second the referee calls the start to the next round, both Kenny and Eli in starting position, Kenny is instantly jutting his hand forward, lunging, and hitting Eli square in the chest. He lets out a loud groan and you flinch, worried, watching as he instantly falls to his knees, curling in on himself.

“Eli!” You call, ignoring all the rules and rushing onto the mat just as Miguel calls out for him at the same time and Johnny comes running forward too.

Your eyes widen, heart falling to the pit of your stomach when you see Eli holding his stomach, flinching in the spot. You don’t know what to do, terrified, so you turn to Johnny and then to Daniel who is now crouching over Eli as well.

“Hawk,” Johnny calls gently, “what’s wrong?”

He gasps at first, heaving, before his voice comes out faint and wheezed; “I can’t… Can’t… Can’t breathe.”

Oh my god. Your heart sinks, seizing with panic and confusion as your hands hover helplessly in front of you — you want to help, you desperately do, but you have no idea how to.

“Eli,” you whisper, pressing your hand to his arm.

The referee just sighs; “can you continue?”

You want to tell Eli he shouldn’t, but you know how important this is so you hold your tongue. Instead, you lean back, giving him space as Eli slowly presses his palms to the ground and tries to push himself up, breathing shakily.

He crashes back to the ground in a second.

“Eli!”

“Where the medic?” Johnny bellows.

The next second the medic comes running forward, a hand out towards you to push you back gently.

“That’s a forfeit,” the ref calls, pulling your attention on him in stunned disbelief. “Winner, Payne.”

“But he attacked Eli!” You cry out, forgetting yourself as you gesture towards Kenny. Daniel and Johnny turn to you in surprise but you ignore them, catching sight of Silver’s smirk and your anger builds. You’re seeing red, blinded by your worry and anger and frustration which makes you act without thinking.

You’ve always acted without thinking when it comes to defending Eli.

“That’s not fair,” you huff. “If Eli can’t fight… th-then… someone else should be able to step in and take Eli’s place!”

“Sorry, miss,” the referee shakes his head. “That’s the rules.”

“Rules, my ass,” you argue, pushing yourself to your feet. In that moment every other person fades from your mind – all there is you and Eli, hurt, and that’s enough to make you continue. “That’s not—”

“Y/N! Y/N!”

You blink, turning to Daniel who’s calling for you, then register the hand on your shoulder keeping you back and turn to see Robby shaking his head at you, silently telling you to back down. You stand there, stunned, seeing the way both Johnny and Daniel are looking at you in the exact same way. You feel a sinking feeling, realizing how much of an embarrassment you’d just made of yourself – not to mention, your outburst hadn’t done anything to help Miyagi-do’s image.

Seeing the Sekai Tekai representatives at the far wall and the way they’re looking at you, you frown. A glance down at your hand tells you you’re shaking, and you move to turn back to Eli, but then you catch sight of Kenny and the wide and cruel grin on his face and that fire alights in you once more.

Just faintly, a last pathetic sizzle as you shake your head and your lips part. “But—”

“It’s okay,” Daniel calls, gently, shaking his head at you, “what’s important is if Eli’s okay.”

You know he’s right.

Slowly, your eyes fall down, Robby’s hand leaving your shoulder as you see Eli still hunched in on himself, but some of the colour has come back to his cheeks.

“I think he’s okay,” the medic assures. “Just got the wind knocked out of him.”

Face falling, you crouch back down, staring at Eli with anxiety.

But the second you calm down, footsteps follow.

“Looks like you got a new name,” Kenny calls, stepping forward with a taunting grin as he laughs. His gaze is focused on Eli, taunting and gleaming with the adrenaline of his unfair win. “Faux-Hawk.”

You’re lunging forward before you even realize it, but you don’t make it far as Robby and Miguel grab you, as if having expected you to, and pull you back. You continue to glare at Kenny as he simply laughs your way, eyes narrowed dangerously.

“Y/N,” Miguel calls, “it’s okay.”

“It’s not,” you huff, “they cheated.”

“We still have Sam and Tory’s fight,” Robby reminds, nodding at you. There’s something understanding in his gaze and he makes sure to meet your eyes head-on. “Besides, I think you should go with Eli.”

Glancing down, you see the medic helping Eli up.

You know they’re both right. With a huff, you nod and they step back, you moving forward to help Eli up as Johnny wraps his arm around his shoulder. The two of you help him to the stairs by the further back wall, and the second he’s sat, Johnny glances at you briefly before nodding and stepping forward to let you sit next to Eli.

Sitting next to him, you wrap an arm around his back and use the other to grab his hand, squeezing.

“Are you okay?” You ask softly, whispering it so only he hears.

Meeting your eye briefly, Eli nods; “yeah.”

“Here,” you look up as Johnny comes back, a bottle of water in hand. You take it from him with a soft smile, and then Johnny turns back around, still nearby but giving space, before you hand the water bottle to Eli.

He takes it gratefully, instantly tipping it back to take a sip. You just rub his back as he does, quiet and ignoring the commotion that builds around you—something about Tory not being there for her fight—and focus on Eli in front of you.

“Y/N,” Eli rasps after he finishes swallowing another mouthful of water. He turns to look at you, slowly, face still pale and something painful in his eyes. You frown at the sight, knowing he’s cursing himself for getting hurt and in his mind, failing Miyagi-do.

But you also see the other meaning hidden in his gaze.

“I know,” you sigh, shoulders falling. “I’m sorry. I just got angry… they clearly cheated.”

Eli doesn’t say anything more. He’s quiet, watching you for a moment longer before turning his gaze back ahead of himself. You think he's mad, maybe upset, and your heart falls, but he’s leaning into your touch and that reassures you.

You let that be enough.

i’m on my way

You walk quickly, fingers rushing to let Eli know where you are given that you knew you were running late. Extremely late.

two minutes!

Biting your lip, you look up as you reach the crosswalk, making sure there are no cars coming before making your way across. You rush across the street, feeling a slight shiver when a breeze of wind hits you, before coming to the other side and glancing back down at your phone at the buzz in your hand.

okay :)

Just then, another text pops up;

everything okay?

Biting your lip, you fight the smile growing on your lips.

yup! just my mom

oh… what’d she want?

the usual, all good!

Then, looking up at the growingly increasing music, you grin.

just outside, be in a minute!

You put your phone in your purse, not waiting for a response, taking a deep breath as you take one last glance down at yourself. Truthfully, you weren’t just late because of your mom – she had called you, letting you know she’d been gone another week—as usual—but then you’d taken a bit longer to get ready then you had expected. The first outfit you’d chosen you didn’t like as much as you did when it was laid out in front of you, then the second outfit was worse, until you finally settled on a cute sundress. But then you’d felt like you needed to do something with your hair so that had taken more time, until finally you were slipping on shoes and rushing out the door an hour late.

Eli didn’t need to know that though.

Still, you wanted to dress up. It was a celebration, yes, and you were more than happy that despite everything, Miyagi-do was able to qualify for the Sekai Tekai as well. Unfortunately, so had Cobra Kai, but it was a win regardless.

And, if you were being honest with yourself, you liked that little blush that crawled on Eli’s cheeks when you dressed up and the way he’d look at you like you were the only thing that mattered. It made you feel seen, made you feel wanted and made you feel pretty – which was an added bonus when it was Eli that made you feel that way.

Speaking off, a door opening catches your attention, a smile beaming across your lips when you see it’s Eli.

“Hey,” you greet, rushing up the short distance over to him, setting your hands on his shoulders the second you’re close enough before pressing your lips against his own. He returns the kiss with ease, and a moment later he’s pulling away, hands settling on your waist as you smile up at him. “You’re feeling okay?”

Everyone had all left pretty quickly after you’d all found out you were going to the Sekai Tekai, and you hadn’t had the chance to make sure Eli was feeling okay after Kenny delivered that cheap shot against him. You were both asking because you were concerned for him physically but also because you knew the loss had hit him hard.

“Great,” he assures with ease, your body relaxing with relief. “I’m completely fine, promise.”

You nod, pleased that he’s okay, before your eyes drift upwards and pause. “You changed your hair. It’s not green anymore.”

“Oh,” he mumbles, reaching with his hand and touching the mohawk faintly. “Yeah. I was tired of the green. Didn’t feel like it was ‘me’ anymore.”

“I liked it,” you comment lightly, shrugging. “But I'm sure the next colour will be awesome too,” you laugh, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek.

Eli blushes faintly, rolling his eyes affectionately at your compliment, before he blinks, as if remembering. “You okay?”

You pause at his question, not having expected it. “Yeah, like I said it was just the usual stuff with my mom—”

“No,” he cuts in, shaking his head. “I meant… with what happened. You know… with the fight and everything.”

Oh, you think, not having expected him to bring that back up. He’d seemed troubled by your actions before but after everything and the way it ended, you figured he’d forgotten about. And it wasn’t that you were embarrassed by your actions, you did not regret standing up for Eli like that and you never would – but you didn’t like the way Eli looked at you when he talked about it. It wasn’t judgemental, but there was a certain concerned edge to it that made you feel a little uncertain and uncomfortable.

“Fine,” you say, somewhat defensively. “I just didn’t think it was fair how they were treating you.”

“Y/N,” Eli calls, voice soft and gentle with concern. He squeezes your hips and pulls your gaze on him with a blink. “I don’t mind that you stood up for me,” he grins, eyes twinkling. “Honestly, it was kind of hot.”

Eyes widening, your cheeks warm as you laugh nervously; “sh-shut up.”

“What?” He chuckles, “it’s true! It was hot.”

Shaking your head, you just smile back at him, flushed and embarrassed but you’d be lying if you said his words didn’t flatter you.

“Seriously, though. It’s not that that bothered me.”

Smile falling somewhat, you frown; “then what?”

Eli hesitates, as if debating his words, watching you carefully before he just sighs. “I wish that you would—”

“Fight!”

Whatever Eli had been about to say gets forgotten the second the two of you hear a crowd of people yelling. You turn to Eli, confused, and he mimics your expression as the both of you instantly rush in the direction of the noise. You both know that those words can mean nothing good, not in your circumstances, and make your way through the house to get to the back, where the crowd has formed. You’re a few seconds late to the commotion it seems by the huge crowd that has gathered as you both shove your way through.

But any confusion you’d had is instantly answered when you see Sam and Tory.

“My entire family has suffered because of you!”

It’s Sam who bellows it, face red with anger as she takes a lunging step towards Tory, fist flinching back to hit Tory.

She doesn’t get the chance to. Miguel and Robby are rushing forward, Robby stepping in front of Tory while Miguel grabs Sam to push her back; “no! Sam, that’s enough!”

“She’s been working with Kreese this whole time,” Sam explains, turning to Miguel in disbelief that he stopped her.

You turn to Tory. So does everyone else.

“What?” Robby asks, stunned.

“Why did you only come forward now?” Sam turns her aggression back to Tory, “huh? Because you’re a coward.”

No one says anything. You want to, but you don’t know what – you turn to look at Tory, taking in the distress on her face. She looks near tears, face pinched with hurt, but you’ve never spoken to Tory. Not really. And if she has been working with Kreese, well, you wouldn’t deny that that is problematic.

But still, you can’t find it in your heart to blame her when she looks so genuinely upset.

“Screw you, Larusso,” Tory breathes, embarrassed and clearly feeling isolated. “I knew this was a mistake.”

She glances at Robby one last time before walking off.

“Tory,” Robby calls after her.

A second later, Sam follows suit, the other way.

Miguel watches her, sighing; “Sam!”

Both girls leave without another glance back. You turn to Eli, worried.

“Did you know about any of this?” Miguel asks Robby.

“No,” Robby huffs, “I had no idea.”

“What the…”

“W-W-Wait. Okay, so Sensei Targaryen paid off the ref at the All Valley and framed Kreese for a crime he didn’t commit?”

Pausing briefly, you nod at Demetri.

He turns to you and Eli; “never let me miss a house party again.”

With a light smile, you pat Demetri on the shoulder, nodding.

“We need to tell the sensei’s,” Miguel says, shrugging.

Sam just scoffs; “what are they gonna do? We all saw what happened to my dad when he confronted Silver.” At that, Miguel sighs. “I don’t want him getting hurt again.”

“Yeah,” Demetri nods, “besides… if this ref and Stingray are on Silver’s payroll, they’ll never admit to anything.”

Face falling, you shake your head; “I don’t even blame them,” you sigh. “Silver is terrifying.”

“I’m not so sure about that…”

Baffled, you turn to Bert.

“Not about Silver,” he explains, shaking his head at you. “He is terrifying. But… I know he’s in Cobra Kai and I’m in Eagle Fang, but Stingray’s still my friend. He wouldn’t lie to me. A-At least, I hope he won't.”

“Do you think you can get him to talk?” Eli asks.

Bert nods.

“Find out where he lives,” Sam says.

Bert nods again, then Eli is stepping forward grabbing your hand and nodding at Demetri to follow.

After a somewhat failed attempt at getting Stingray to admit to Silver paying him off, everyone’s moods are a little soured and defeated. Sam had stormed out minutes prior, with Miguel quickly chasing after her; you and the rest tried to stick around but it was becoming abundantly clear that you weren’t going to get quite the information you all wanted.

At least not from Stingray.

So you decided to leave, tired of listening to Stingray dance around the truth and act like a coward. You’d gone to say bye to Eli, but then he offered to walk you home, so you’d just smiled at the offer and nodded. And then Demetri had asked to come along. It wasn’t that you minded Demetri tagging along, because you definitely didn’t, but there was something slightly odd about the way he had. He’d looked panicked, almost, when he saw you and Eli leaving, and though it was clear they were trying to be subtle, both Eli and Demetri were sending each other looks.

Constantly.

The entire walk so far had been eerily quiet. Neither of them were saying anything although it was very clear that they wanted to.

And you, stuck in between them, were feeling particularly uncomfortable. You’ve known them for a long time and because of that, it wasn’t hard for you to notice the signs and tells that something was on their mind and that it had to do with you but they weren’t sure how to approach it.

“You both didn’t have to walk me home,” you comment lightly, trying to dissipate this awkward silence lingering around the three of you.

Eli and Demetri just glance at each other.

Biting your lip, you glance at your feet; “so… was there something you guys wanted to talk about or…?”

You’re starting to get nervous, you realize. All of this awkward silence and tension is making you feel uncomfortable and oddly very aware of yourself. Had you done something to upset them? Were they fighting again?

You chance another quick glance at the both of them. They didn’t seem to be arguing or upset with each other. Sure, they were being weird but you don’t think they’d be able to walk together like this if they were fighting like they had been before; they hadn’t been able to be near each other without a fight breaking out. So it’s probably not that.

…And it definitely has to do with you…

So maybe you had done something.

When they still don’t answer you, you halt to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk, pulling your hand from Eli’s so you can turn to face the both of them. They freeze in response, wide eyes falling on you as you stare up at them nervously. “Have I done something to upset you guys?” You ask, unable to avoid the way your voice dips into worry, face scrunching up with distress. “You’re both being very weird right now.”

You figure you should just be out and open about it – rather than teetering around the subject. If you had done something, you’d rather just know… so you can fix it.

“No!” Eli rushes out, face falling at your words. “No, definitely not.”

You stare at him, somewhat eased, before turning to Demetri for extra reassurance.

He nods.

You let out a breath of relief.

“Okay,” you start, slowly, a little less tensed. “Then… what’s the matter?”

“There’s something i’ve been wanting to talk to you about,” Eli starts, finally answering your question. “For a while, actually. B-But…—”

“But,” Demetri cuts in for him. “He wasn’t sure how to approach it so he came to me—”

“I also thought he should know,” Eli adds, rushed. “Since he’s your best friend too.”

Demetri smiles, albeit nervously. “E-Exactly,” he agrees, “so, you know…. He approached me and it was funny because I’ve actually kind of been noticing the same thing. And we thought we should talk to you about it.”

Demetri turns to Eli, looking for backup. Eli nods, quickly.

“But we didn’t know when…” Eli trails, frowning. “Though, I—or-or we guess now’s as good as any,”

They stop then, moving back to just staring at you. You stare back at them, eyes flickering from your boyfriend to your best friend, back and forth, absolutely stunned by what had just happened. Their complete ramble had done nothing to reassure you or even tell you what it exactly was they wanted to talk about – all it had done was make you more confused and nervous.

“So,” you press, shaking your head. “What is it?”

They look at each other, again, and then Demetri’s avoiding your gaze so you zero-in on Eli who is nervously wringing his hands together.

“Eli.”

He jumps slightly at your tone, before meeting your eyes and sighing. “It’s just something I’ve been noticing recently. Maybe it was always there but… but Y/N… why don’t you ever stand up for yourself?”

That definitely isn’t what you’d been expecting.

Blinking, you frown; “...what?”

“You’ve done it since middle school,” Demetri explains, always logical. “You used to stand up to bullies when they picked on me or Eli… but you never did it for yourself. I always kind of thought you were amazing, standing up to Kyler or Brucks or any of them…”

“Yet you’d get so quiet if they said anything about you,” Eli finishes, voice soft with concern and a certain tentativeness. He doesn’t want to upset you or make you feel like you’re being interrogated. “And now, even with karate, you have no confidence in yourself. You always expect the best out of us but the worst for yourself. I mean, you nearly attacked that Kenny kid when I got hurt but then you let Sam be Miyagi-do’s champion without a second thought.”

You shrink into yourself, feeling overwhelmed by everything. You know neither Eli or Demetri mean any harm by what they’re saying and it’s stemming purely for their concern and care for you but it’s a lot to take in all at once.

You’d always sort of thought that no one really noticed that part of you – that intense, terrifying and self-deprecating part of you that had no faith or confidence in yourself. Moon had tried, and you figured you’d gotten a bit better at being a little more confident in yourself, at least when it came to your looks or body, but it was harder to tackle your mentality. It was natural for you to shrink away when it came to yourself just like the way it was natural for you to stand up for your friends if they were being hurt.

Mainly because you didn’t think you deserved it. Why would you? You were never strong enough when it actually mattered – you couldn’t do anything to help your dad when he got into drugs and alcohol and ruined his life, inevitably leading to his death. Part of you even thought you were the reason, because you were such a disappointment of a child. When your uncle got sick, you hadn’t been able to make him better and because of that, he died. And even your own mother couldn’t stand to be home with you for longer than a couple of days.

You had your friends. You liked to think they chose you, or at least you hoped… but you couldn’t stop the irrational fear that it was just because they felt bad.

Swallowing thickly, you hug yourself, feeling entirely too vulnerable in that moment. You step away, without even noticing, and Eli is quick to step towards you.

“Y/N?”

“Sorry,” you rush out, panicking. “I just… I just don’t know what to say.”

Eli turns to Demetri, who sighs; “we’re just concerned for you.”

“I didn’t think anyone really noticed,” you shrug, still avoiding their gazes. “It’s just something I’ve always done. And it’s not really as big of a deal as you guys are making it… it’s what… makes sense.”

“You really think that?” Eli whispers.

You turn to him at that, surprised by his question and your heart breaks when you see the genuine hurt on his face. He looks so… upset at what you’ve said. And when you turn to Demetri, his expression is similar.

Was it really that wrong?

Squeezing yourself, you shrug; “I guess… yeah.”

Eli and Demetri look discouraged, a little at a loss on what to do, but it’s a passing expression. Eli glances back at Demetri and suddenly their expressions harden, turn sure and confident, and then they’re even smiling, a gentle, kind smile, which throws you for such a loop.

“Well then,” Demetri grins, “we’ll just have to make you see differently then, won’t we?”

Your lips part, surprised.

“Yeah,” Eli nods. “We’ll make you see how special you are. Because you are.”

You don’t respond. Not right away. You let yourself take a moment, staring at the determination in both of their eyes and then, before you even realize it, your vision is blurring as your eyes well with tears.

“Y/N?!”

Neither of them could truly understand what that meant to you at that moment. What hearing those words felt like. It was the first time anyone had ever said something so kind and it meant even more hearing it from them. It doesn’t solve everything but it heals something, you’re not sure – something small, but still, something.

In the next second you’re lunging forward, wrapping both of your arms around each of them and pulling them in for a hug. Demetri lets out a sputter while Eli stumbles towards you but you just squeeze them tighter, eyes falling shut as you grin.

“I love you guys.”

The words are whispered but they hear it all the same, and it brings a smile on both of their lips. Demetri glances at Eli from over your head, and with a knowing look, Eli leans into your embrace.

“Yeah,” Eli says honestly, “love you too.” He says it openly, and of course he loves Demetri, his longest friend, but the words are whispered while he looks at you, eyes full of love and care.

Demetri snorts; “I guess if you two are my only choice—”

You silence him with a light jab to the side with your elbow, Demetri just chuckles.

“Then,” he continues with a smirk, “I'd say I love you guys too.”

“So, uh, what’s the emergency? Why’d you have me bring all my gear?”

Turning to Robby and Miguel, you nod. You, Demetri and Eli had just been about to reach your house when you’d all gotten a text from Sam telling you guys to all head to Miguel’s apartment complex. The text itself had been very vague on the reasoning why, with only Demetri’s being slightly different as it had the request for him to grab his gear from work.

“You guys know as much as we do,” Miguel shrugs, “Sam told us to meet here.”

“Sam?” You raise a brow, frowning.

Miguel nods.

“At least she’s talking to you,” Robby sighs, arms crossed over his chest as he shakes his head. “I can’t even get a response from—”

“Tory?”

You turn in surprise at Eli’s voice, glancing to your left only to see, like he said, Tory making her way over to you all. Only, she’s with Sam.

“And Sam?” You question, baffled, as you meet Robby’s gaze briefly.

“What’s, uh…” Miguel trails, confused. “What’s up? Hi.”

They come to a stop before the five of you.

Robby shifts next to you, arms falling to his side as he frowns at Tory in concern; “what happened to your hand?”

Following his gaze, your lips part when you see what he has – her hand is wrapped up but you can see the tops of her knuckles and fingers are bruised and cut, her skin an angry red.

“Uh,” she stammers, glancing at her hand. “Training accident. I’m okay.”

“You’re sure?” You cut in, taking a step towards Tory as you glance at her in what you hope she thinks is genuine concern – it is, but you also know you’ve never really spoken to Tory and she thinks of you as a threat. “It looks painful.”

“O-Oh,” she stammers, somewhat confused but you’re thankful she doesn’t look insulted. She almost looks shocked at the fact that you care. “Yeah, I’m okay.” Then, after a moment, she adds; “thanks.”

You smile, relieved and Tory blinks at you.

“We think we have a way to prove Silver assaulted Stingray,” Sam cuts in, nodding at Miguel.

Tory nods; “if the attack happened at the old dojo, then it would’ve been after Silver installed security cameras.”

“So maybe it’s all on tape,” Miguel says.

Robby shakes his head; “but that place was cleaned out.”

“That might not matter,” Demetri speaks up, pulling your eyes on him. “I mean, the systems that we sell at TechTown all save the footage to a central server. Silver probably took the whole server with him.”

“I think he did,” Tory assures. “There is a server in his office at the flagship dojo.”

Eli grins from beside you; “if we can get access to it,” he gestures to him, Demetri and you. “We can find that footage. We could even post that sStingray clip to their YouTube channel.”

“Get a hold of everyone else,” Sam says, nodding. “Let them know that we’re taking down Cobra Kai… tonight.”

“Guys,” you call, rushing back into Silver’s office. “It’s not good out there. We need to hurry. How much longer?”

You say it with a tinge of panic – mainly because your friends were in an all out karate war with Cobra Kai right now and it was all because they were waiting for you three to find and upload the footage needed to take down Silver.

Eli, hushed over the desk next to Demetri, shakes his head at you, turning to Demetri.

“I-I’m almost done,” Demetri rushes, looking up from the iPad to glance at you. “Just a few more minutes.” panicked, he turns back to the screen, fingers working quick to type; “I need to log into their YouTube channel and upload the clip.”

Your lips part to say something, but then; “yo, check upstairs.”

“Oh, shit,” Eli calls, moving to make his way around the desk and fall next to you. “They’re coming,” he turns to Demetri, “be ready to go mobile.”

“Okay, screw it,” Demetri shakes his head; “we’re gonna have to upload it and publish via Wi-Fi.”

In the next second, Kyler and a few of his goonies come rushing around the corner. The second their eyes fall on you three, they’re all laughing, Kyler the loudest as he slows to a stop. “Yo, man,” Kyler snorts. “It’s just Lip, Yasmine’s bitch and…” His eyes squint at you for a moment, “aren’t you the girl who gives great blowjobs? You still hanging with these two losers?”

He says it with a mocking laugh, and freezing, you glance at your feet. You feel Eli’s eyes fall on you and you inhale sharply, swallowing thickly.

“You heard Kenny when he dropped your ass,” Kyler continues, turning back to Eli. “Just a Faux-Hawk now.”

“You know what? That’s life,” Eli shrugs, “you win some, you lose some, but you gotta move on.” Blinking, you slowly glance up at Eli’s words, eyes widening when you see him standing up to Kyler and not shrinking into himself like he used to. There’s the confidence he’d gained with karate but the distinct lack of any cruelty in it; it… it’s a good look on him. “You never did. You’re still pulling the same old bully act. Even though everyone you bullied has kicked your ass.”

“I haven't,” Demetri sighs from behind the desk.

“You’ll get your turn,” Eli assures, “Kyler’s too stupid to ever learn his lesson.”

Kyler’s face burns red with anger and then he’s reeling back, moving to punch Eli, but he blocks the hit with ease, shifting Kyler to knee him right in the gut and sending him crashing to the ground. You flinch as Kyler comes crashing toward you, just as Eli smirks down at him; “and that’s for being an ass to my girlfriend.”

Turning to Eli, you flush when he sends you a wink, feeling a burst of adrenaline at him standing up for you, before Eli turns to kick one of Kyler’s goonies. Once he’s done with that one he finishes off the last. Sending all three of them to the ground.

Kyler is pushing himself up to his feet but before he can, you lunge forward, almost on instinct, spinning as you send the heel of your foot right into his cheek. He falls back with a loud groan, face scrunching in pain.

Smirking down at Kyler, you snort; “who’s the one sucking it now.”

You hear Eli let out a laugh, grinning at you as he and Demetri swap, Eli moving behind the desk as Demetri rushing forward to kick down the other two Cobra Kai’s with practiced ease.

Demetri sends one of them flying towards you, and you quickly block a hit from him, not noticing the way Kyler gets up – again – and heads straight for Demetri. It isn’t until you’ve knocked out the dude attacking you and see Demetri send another kick right into Kyler’s face (making that the third one you realize with a smirk) and officially sending him down do you realize.

Instantly, you grin.

“Man, that felt good,” Demetri yells, full of adrenaline. “Bitch!”

“Nice, Demetri,” you cheer, grinning at him.

Just then, a beep echoes from the iPad;

“We got it,” Eli assures, closing the portable keyboard and pocketing it. “All right. It’s uploading to Cobra Kai’s channel.” Grabbing the iPad, he slides over the desk, falling in between you and Demetri. “Let’s get the hell outta here.”

Before you can make your way out, three more Cobra Kai’s rush in.

You, Eli and Demetri all glance at each other and then, nodding, you lunge forward.

You take the one to the right, ducking from the boy’s punch before sweeping your leg underneath you to send him backwards. When you turn, standing up, you are right behind Eli, pressing your back against his before you jut your leg in front of you, hitting the guy square in the chest.

Meeting Eli’s gaze, you nod, letting him grab you by the arm and swinging you around, to gain momentum, doing a twist and sending your fist right into the guy's cheek, effectively knocking him out.

Eli’s turning back to his guy just as Demetri’s opponent comes stumbling towards you; catching him by the shoulders, you send him back towards Demetri who grins at you, kicking the guy around the head.

When you turn, Eli’s opponent is on the ground too.

You grin at the two of them.

“That was badass,” Demetri breathes, mimicking your grin.

“Hell yeah,” Eli nods.

“Here.”

You glance up as something warm is wrapped around your shoulders, smiling when you realize it’s Eli wrapping a blanket around you. He moves to sit next to you at the back of the ambulance, having just finished being checked out by a doctor himself before he saw you sitting by yourself and rushed over to you.

“Thanks,” you whisper, pulling the blanket closer around yourself and snuggling into the warmth.

“You looked cold,” he grins, bumping into your shoulder gently.

You just laugh lightly, shaking your head before letting your gaze fall before you again. You take in all your friends scattered around, noticing Demetri out of the corner of your eye being pampered by Yasmine who looks concerned and angry at the same time for her boyfriend. You also see Sam and Miguel and Robby and Tory which makes you smile.

“That was crazy,” you comment after a moment. “Sensei Larusso was amazing too, beating Silver like that.”

“Yeah,” Eli shrugs, “but I thought you were pretty badass too.”

Turning to Eli, you flush at the grin he sends you. “Shut up,” you laugh, brushing off his compliment.

“I mean it,” he says, tone serious as he nods at you. “You kicked some serious ass.”

You shake your head, slipping your hand into his; “we all did,” you remind. “Demetri finally got to beat Kyler. That must’ve felt good.”

“So did you,” Eli reminds, quirking a brow.

You just smile up at him.

Leaning forward, you press a kiss to his lips; “yeah,” you whisper. “That definitely felt good.”

Eli chuckles.

Then, biting your lip, you squeeze his hand, pulling his eyes back on you. “Thanks for standing up for me, Eli,” you say, voice sincere and full of adoration. “It meant a lot.”

Eli uses his free hand to brush back your hair, tucking it behind your ear. “Well, it’s only fair. You’ve stood up for me more times than I can count.” There’s something sad on his face as he says it, as if full of regret. “It was about time I did it for you.”

Leaning back slightly, you shake your head; “Eli.” You call softly. “You know I never expected that out of you right?”

Eli just sighs. “I should’ve, though,” he huffs. “I mean… you did it for me so many times and I always just cowered away. Then, when I joined karate, I told you I’d finally be able to protect you like you always did me and then I just became a huge jerk.”

You frown, face falling. You had no idea that Eli had been so upset by all of that or that it had been impacting him that much either, carrying that guilt around with him constantly. You remember the day he speaks of, it was the last time Kyler had made a cruel and crude joke about you; that was before everything changed. Before he’d joined Cobra Kai and turned into the ‘Hawk’ and he’d promised you that he would get strong and brave enough to stand up for you.

Like he always wanted to.

Swallowing thickly, you shift towards Eli, pressing yourself against him as you squeeze his hand, holding it close and pressing your lips to his cheek. “I didn’t need you to stand up for me,” you reassure. “Because just having you near was enough. That’s all I want.”

Eli meets your eyes, surprised.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” you nod, smiling. “You’re all I need. Always.”

Glancing down at your entwined hands, Eli hesitates a moment; “I wish you could see how amazing you are.”

His voice is soft and the words are sincere. You feel your heart swell.

“I’ve spent a lot of my life blaming myself for things that… aren’t my fault.” It’s hard to say, hard to admit, when you’ve spent so much of your life punishing yourself and thinking otherwise. But what Eli and Demetri had said before and their genuine concern made you think, made you realize and see things in a way you never had before. “I don’t want to think that way anymore.”

Eli cups your cheek; “I don’t want you to either.”

“Okay,” you nod, voice a whisper as you smile, eyes watering. “Then help me see, Eli.”

“I will,” he says without hesitation, “I promise I will.”

He’s pressing his lips against your own in the next second and you lean into the affection, letting your eyes flutter shut as you curl into his grasp. You’re reassured by his words and it’s almost as if a weight is lifted off your shoulders at his promise.

It’s the lightest you’ve felt in years.

And it’s all thanks to Eli.

#cobra kai #cobra kai x reader #ck #ck x reader #eli moskowitz #eli moskowitz x reader #eli moskowitz imagine #hawk #hawk x reader #cobra kai hawk #jacob bertrand

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qqueenofhades · 6 months ago

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/qqueenofhades/751102464296665088

*Puts on old man costume*

"Back in my day, we used to cheat and procrastinate like real people! With copious amounts of bullshitting and pulling things out of our asses at the last minute! Secretly sneaking in little things written on our hands or in our phones fer tests and shit! Heck, maybe we didn't even NEED to cheat because it turns out we actually knew stuff, we just didn't know we knew stuff until our last minute papers got a good grade anyways because our shit actually had some analytical relevance borne from deep in our psyche, but we just didn't realize it because we had massive cases of imposter syndrome where we thought everyone else was smarter than us, while overlooking our own abilities!

Now these newfangled ChatGPTs are just taking the easy way out of the easy way out! What's up with that!? These new procrastinators and cheaters make us look even worse than we already do, cuz they ain't even doing the work of not doing the work! And y'all can't even say that you can learn from it in the art of bullshittin', cuz that's not even YOUR bullshitting, it's someone else's bullshitting mangled up with hundreds of other peoples' bullshittin'!

Feh, kids these days!"

*Takes off old man costume*

Addendum: old man anon griping about cheating with ChatGPT does not endorse cheating or procrastinating. I'm just being silly.

I mean... at least with regular old-fashioned cheating, also an academic tradition since time immemorial, at least you're engaging with the material somehow. You are putting your own two god-given eyeballs on that and using your own ickle brainikins to do SOMETHING with it, even if that something is morally questionable. We've all seen the elaborate cheat devices where someone managed to engrave all the exam answers onto a pen or a pair of socks or whatever -- at least that person went in and used their initiative to remember information SOMEHOW, and to do it under their own power. Now, yes, it will get you into trouble, and yes, there are plenty of conversations to be had about accessibility and the fact that not everyone learns by sitting in a room and being lectured at and then having to regurgitate it all from memory with no notes in a final exam, which is why there is a whole thriving field of educational pedagogy and best practices and how to accommodate students with different learning styles and etc. etc. I sometimes see AI framed as "uwu accessibility issue :(" and like... cmon. There are educational professionals who spend their whole lives and careers working out how to shake up the traditional learning format and present material in an engaging way and teach students how to think and write and otherwise be academic and rigorous. And like, if you're voluntarily in this space, then we presume you WANT that instruction! Not to just sit around and whine about how we aren't catering enough to you personally and this means you should get to use the Bullshit Plagiarism Nonsense Machine to never ever think at all!

Now, I will say that the naivete around AI is not only limited to students. I was in a department meeting yesterday where the literal associate dean of the college seemed startled to discover that AI might not be a) totally reliable b) able to totally replace lesson planning and evaluation/grading by an actual human professor (after several faculty members pushed back, shall we say, briskly on the idea that it could). Plenty of people still think it can just magically solve Academia (or /insert field here), and those are not just limited to clueless undergraduates. And yes, undergraduates are clueless in different ways and for different reasons in every era of the world; it is likewise an academic rite of passage. But I still cannot for the life of me understand why you, in ye olde benighted 21st century, would pay tens of thousands of dollars and/or accrue it in debt to go to college, to learn nothing, to whine and blame your professors for "not designing assignments well" (when again, every remotely decent educational professional agonizes for eons about how to do a good job of this for all kinds of students), to insist it is your entitled right to use the Bullshit Plagiarism Nonsense Machine, and then presumably be /shocked pikachu face/ when you don't learn anything and spend your time posting idiot takes on the internet. I mean. The state of critical thinking is /waves hand/ Already So Bad, and the AI craze plays directly into that by fulfilling the insidious fantasy that the hard things in life aren't actually hard and don't have to be learned by patient and careful practice. And that is just. Yeah. C'mon.

(I realize this was a funny/lighthearted ask, but yeah, we can consider this one old man turning to another old man on the park bench and making a joke, and the other old man bellowing YOUTH THESE DAYS!!! and scaring all the pigeons and/or passersby. Ahem.)

#anonymous #ask #school stuff

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icarusignite · 3 months ago

Text

Master Post

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Hey, Ace here, hope you have a good time on my page!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ (she/her), Ravenclaw, INTJ, fanfic writer of many fandoms, self-taught artist, kpop/anime enthusiast, feminist, procrastinator extraordinaire.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Tiktok/wattpad/AO3/instagram: ace_asterisk

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ AO3 | Wattpad | Carrd

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Join the taglist

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Fandoms I write for

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ All completed series and longer stories are uploaded fully on wp/ao3. Oneshots are Tumblr/AO3 exclusive.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ for writing updates: @icarusignite-fics

(all fics are reblogged onto there)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ DMs and asks are always open! Drop by and chat <3

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Requests: OPEN

House of the Dragon

Series

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ An Eye for an Eye Masterlist (Aemond Targaryen x OC)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Before the Sky Falls Masterlist (Aemond Targaryen x OC)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ For Whom the Bell Tolls | HOTD World War 2 AU

(Soldier! Aemond Targaryen x Nurse! Reader)

Oneshots

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ I hate you I love you (Cregan Stark x Fem! Reader)

The five times you told Cregan Stark you hated him, and the one time you actually meant it.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ I want to fly with you on dragonback (and eat only cake) (Alicent x Rhaenyra)

Basically the title. Rhaenyra finally gets to take Alicent on that dragon ride and eat cake....and maybe kiss the girl she loves.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Like an old melody, my heart resumes (Daeron x Fem! Reader)

Parts: 1 / 2 / 3

After years apart and with several misunderstandings between them, you meet Prince Daeron at what is meant to be his betrothal feast. When secrets and unspoken desires come to light, you and Daeron are faced with a choice: to let go of the past and embrace a love that has always burned between them or allow your tumultuous history to keep you apart.

The Last Kingdom

Oneshots

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ The only heaven I'll be sent to is when I'm alone with you

(King Alfred x POC! Fem! Reader)

Parts: 1 / 2

You are a prominent scholar from Baghdad, visiting Wessex to learn more about English culture and try to help its ailing monarch with your medical expertise. However, conflict arises when you find yourself falling for the Catholic king, knowing he cannot give you what you deserve.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Valhalla Bound (Finan x GN! Reader)

During the ransacking of Rumcofa, you save Osferth thus exchanging his fate for yours. aka you die and Finan's reaction to that

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Night Terrors (Sihtric x GN! Reader)

Sihtric has a nightmare, and he accidentally snaps at you. What comes after is the most awkward confession of his life and you are oblivious af.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Praying's just a poor man's way of begging

(Sihtric x Fem! Reader)

You are Earl Ragnar's youngest daughter and the boy you've spent many pleasant afternoons with as a child was none other than Sihtric Kjartansson. Reunited after years apart, will the two of you be able to face the truth of your feelings or will it all end in heartache?

In this labyrinth of time, our souls entwined

(Modern AU Finan x Fem! Reader)

Finan and his friends witness a bar fight during their night out and Finan feels a magnetic connection to the hero of the fight. This can be read on its own but it can also be seen as a continuation of my earlier fic Valhalla Bound where you died and now your reincarnation meets Finan's in another world and that's why you seem so familiar.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Go ahead and cry, little girl (Aethelstan x Fem! Reader)

You are Sihtric’s daughter from his first wife. Your mother dies after he leaves her for his current wife and you blame him for his death. Aethelstan is yoiur dearest childhood friend.

Ateez

Series

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Danse Macabre Masterlist (Jeong Yunho x OC)

Oneshots

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Pirate Ateez Masterlist

Percy Jackson & the Olympians

Oneshots

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ I don't want your sympathy (i just want myself back)

(Luke Castellan x GN! Child of Hypnos Reader)

Terribly injured after returning from his quest to the Garden of Hesperides, Luke Castellan turns to the only person who can help him sleep.

Criminal Minds

Oneshots

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Steady Your Heart in Mine (Spencer Reid x GN! Reader)

Exam season brings you a lot of stress and Spencer Reid is there to walk you through it. Established relationship, descriptions of anxiety and panic attacks.

Lockwood & Co.

Oneshots

˚₊· ͟��͞͞➳❥ I thought I dreamed her (Lucy x Lockkwood)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ I love you forever, I'm not a dreamer (Lucy x Lockwood)

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes:

Series

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ These Violent Delights Masterlist

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caffeiiine · 10 months ago

Note

I read the tags on your Kunikida post… go ahead and explain, my liege

JUST SAW THIS SOMEHOW ABYWAYS TYYY

OKAY so probably going into detail about how kunikida can be considered passively suicidal since i have the most coherent thoughts on that aand warnings for stuff of that nature under the cut :D + length

[also small disclaimer, i have been procrastinating reading dazais entrance exam and so far have only seen the anime adaptation which apparently left a ton of stuff out so feel free to correct me on inaccurate details and/or missed examples or just downright incorrect information]

[note: idk if passive is the correct term bc i was thinking about it and hes not exactly like oh i hope this kills me yk, so whatever that term is lmk <3]

This stuff also sorta ties in with his ideals and their potential self destructive-ness. they tend to cause him to either negligently often risk his life with there being an apparent “other way”, or just outright risk his life with barely a second thought for his ideals.

so kunikida has very strong morals and that’s the core of his character. the main ideals referenced in the show being his infamous “ideal woman”, “how to make dazai ideal”, and the ideal that basically tells him to save people. [i forgot what that one is referred to as]. If we’re talking timeline wise i think one of the first examples of his ideals causing him to negligently risk his life would be in Dazais Entrance Exam, or The Azure Messenger arc if you’re an anime watcher.

First example off the top of my head in dazais entrance exam would be when him and Dazai first see the hostages, specifically the ones in the room

after the gas came down dazai has to actually wrestle kunikida away from the room because otherwise hes gonna die. kunikida repeatedly shouts about how “people shouldn’t die like this”. This might be a bit of a tangent but later on in the episode he remarks how he “may as well ahev set the bomb off himself” when Dazai asks about Rokuzou’s dad, implying he blames himself for Rokuzou’s dad’s death. This is of itself isn’t enough for me to say “oh yeah he’s passively suicidal” so moving on to the main manga where there are several other instances of his tendencies to throw himself directly in harms way.

[there may be examples before this i just skipped to chapter 40] and starting off strong we have the thing with Aya. This could be written up to circumstance but he had the opportunity to avoid death himself so im counting it. he’s basically hugging death. that’s all i have to say for this.

of course he ends up surviving it because of deus ex machina yosano. After the fact, Aya asks him what he would’ve done if Yosano wasn’t there. To which he replies basically he would’ve done the same thing he just did except died and basically would have been fine with the outcome as long as she didn’t die in front of him. [he would’ve been dead as well and not had to deal with the guilt] i should point out as well, he does this because of his ideals. he specifically cites his ideals around these parts usually. The not letting anybody die before his eyes is one of ideals and the most common one he uses.

[im pulling that from the fact he had no backup plans or anything to actually stop the bomb aside from Yosano, since his words could imply he would’ve tried to save Aya. and the guy with the bombs was using the fact Kunikida holds his ideals very close to him, taht he wouldn’t have allowed Aya to die if he could’ve prevented it.]

aaand i think our last example and best example for tonight

context for the scene: they’re in the getaway helicopter and tecchou is trying to take it down via his sword and Kunikida decides to take matters into his own hands and take down Tecchou. First off, HE DID NOT HAVE TO, CHUUYA IS RIGHT. THERE. HE LITERALLY SHOT TECCHOU WITH GRAVITY BULLETS EARLIER.

HE DID NOT HAVE TO RISK HIMSELF BUT HE DID. also additional context, in this arc and the previous arcs, he’s been faced with situation after situation where his ideals have failed him and he’s been unable to exercise them and save the people he thinks he should.

point being, he feels like complete shit! he probably is thinking like if he should do anything then, it should be he makes sure he gets his friends out of there. regardless of whether he’s dead or alive because he jumps out of the plane and full body tackles tecchou while being in direct contact with fucking chuuya.

chuuya “has to stay out of the fights and arcs half the time because he’s too good at his job” nakahara.

chuuya “just shot tecchou and did a decent job at keeping him back a few pages before” nakahara. you see my point.

oh and then he just attempts to blow the both of them up.

he does not care for his life at all here. not one bit. also he did not need to blow the both of them up. he could’ve made a fucking stun gun or anything else that wouldn’t KILL the BOTH of them??

my whole point is he does not care for his life here and it’s gets worse the more you progress through the manga.

anyways anyways ending off, kunikida repeatedly puts his life in danger either for his ideals or neglectfully and/or without need. this has been a ramble. this man is not okay.

also kinda funny is he’s partners with dazai of all people, actively suicidal princess bungou himself. i really enjoy their differences and how similarly different they are.

^ not actually related to anything but i almost started laughing so hard with my family in the room at this piece, junichiro looks so concerned

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the-great-ladyg · 9 months ago

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So, I watched the James Somerton second apology video so you don't have to, this are my highlights, feel free to add more if I missed something important:

He monetized the video to donate to HBG's team and Wikipedia, apparently, he said also he has reached some of the people who he plagiarized but still, if he did he would have explicitly said "I'm donating to them"

Did he really said "well, I'm a white cis gay man, I don't have the same experiences as others in the community" as an excuse on plagiarizing others' works? And the "I thought I might be able to won over some people" sounds like some white savior shit

He still throws Nick under the bus, it really shows that James doesn't regret any other times he did that and it sounds like he hired Nick as a shield for criticism and not to have a more diverse work team

He apologizes to Jessie Gender and many others, but doesn't explicitly addresses why he might have offended them on first place (except for the police incident), yeah, he says he was reactionary, but he has been on many occassions. I'm not expecting a full detailed explanation, but at least he could have said "for the Nebula drama" or something like that

James says that at one point, due to covid economic consequences, he and Nick became poor and that led him to plagiarize more since they had to upload more videos, and look, I suck at organizing my time, I tend to do everything with little time before the date, and I wrote most of my thesis on the last minute with one or two days of investigating and I still didn't plagiarize, I could cite all of my sources the correct way, if my early 20s procrastinating ass could wrote a 70 page thesis on my own without plagiarizing, he could write a script with a second person without stealing but he prefered to do it anyway

Also the alegedly head injury, I'm not going to say that's a lie, but knowing how this guy uses any card on his favor, this might be something he pulled from his ass to justify himself

I don't know why but some of this Telos drama explanatiom sounds again like he didn't even know how to do all of this, and I get what is to start a project having little to no idea on how to start or continue, but he tried to do so much with so little without asking for any help when he clearly needed some help other than Nick, and also sounds like another excuse to justify plagiarizing

"Misinformation made its way into our past videos", no, my friend, it doesn't make its way when you investigate or check a site other than the first one you see, James loves to say he likes to investigate but still says things like this. "It wasn't malicious", (seriously, the audacity of this bitch), oh yeah, there's nothing malicious coming from the mysogynist biphobic and transphobic dude who misgenders trans people and erases a woman's bisexuality, specially when this lady told you she wasn't a straight woman as you said and this was a known fact for a few years

The ADHD thing feels like some ableist shit, like "don't blame me, I have ADHD uwu", James has offended many groups and communities through his youtube career and in his apology video he still finds the way to insult another group that suffers from many harmful stereotypes

As I said on a post addressing his first apology video, James can't create a space for everyone if he's transphobic, mysogynist, acephobe and racist, and he pretends he's convinced he was creating an "inclusive space"

Just as many people have said before, he didn't address anything of the things he's been accused of except plagiarism, he only says "I'm sorry to everyone who I have offended", no dude, you don't address mysogyny, racism or transphobia this way, James is a piece of shit and a coward.

And this idiot has put on public display some of his videos, specially the ones that show his racism (yeah, the Killing Stalking and Painter of the Night videos), I'm not clicking on them but I'm pretty sure he didn't cut his racist mysogynist rants, because they might not be plagiarized (if James is to be trusted) but they show the worst parts of him when he's trying to be original, and putting this shit videos on public shows he regrets nothing on being a piece of shit.

#james somerton #james somerton can kiss my enby ass #seriously just log off the internet #no one wants you back specially after this

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4dkellysworld · 2 months ago

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How To Stay Trapped

This is not from my own conversations with ChatGPT but someone else's that I saw on IG and thought it was so good that I had to share it here. Except it being Satan, it's you thinking you're ego.. The comments were saying 'that's society' and 'that's life' but no, it's you buying into the mind's beliefs, own it! Take responsibility so you can actually do something about it. I wanted to highlight most of the text. It can also be used as a progress check of sorts, to check in with yourself and see where you can let go of more ego concepts and identification (healing is essentially this too).

Question: If you were Satan and you wanted to stop a young woman from meeting her potential and fulfilling her life's purpose, how would you do it?

Answer: If I were Satan and wanted to stop a young woman from meeting her potential and fulfilling her life's purpose, I would target her mind, emotions, and surroundings to create a sense of self-doubt, confusion and discouragement. My goal would be to keep her stuck, distracted, and disconnected from her true path. Here's how I'd do it:

Undermine Her Self-Worth: I'd plant seeds of insecurity, making her constantly question her value. She'd focus on her perceived flaws and weaknesses rather than her strengths and potential. By keeping her self-esteem low, she would struggle to believe she deserves success or happiness.

Create Toxic Relationships: I'd encourage her to surround herself with negative, toxic, or manipulative people who drain her energy, undermine her dreams, and discourage her from growing. Whether through unhealthy friendships, romantic relationships, or even family dynamics, these people would keep her from focusing on her goals

Fuel the Fear of Failure: I'd amplify her fear of failure, making her terrified of taking risks or trying new things. She'd stay in her comfort zone, avoiding the challenges that would lead to growth. The fear of embarrassment or rejection would keep her from pursuing her purpose.

Distract Her with Superficial Goals: I'd shift her focus away from her true calling by making her prioritize materialism, popularity, or external validation. She would chase after short-term rewards-money, status, appearance - while neglecting her inner development and long-term purpose.

Instill a Victim Mentality: I'd encourage her to feel like life is happening to her rather than for her. By convincing her that she's powerless in the face of her circumstances, I'd keep her from taking control of her destiny. She'd blame external factors instead of seeing the power she has within herself to change her life.

Create Constant Comparisons: I'd ensure that she constantly compares herself to others, feeling inferior or jealous of their achievements. Social media would become a tool for self-criticism, where she believes everyone else is doing better than her. This would sap her motivation and make her feel like she's never enough

Promote Perfectionism: I'd make her believe that anything less than perfect isn't worth doing. She'd become paralyzed by the idea that she has to be flawless in every aspect of her life-whether it's her career, relationships, or appearance-leading to procrastination and stagnation

Discourage Emotional Healing: I'd make her avoid addressing her emotional wounds or past trauma convincing her that healing is unnecessary or too painful. By keeping her unhealed, I'd ensure that old wounds and unresolved pain continue to hold her back and sabotage her future relationships and decisions.

Foster Burnout and Overwhelm: I'd encourage her to take on too many responsibilities, causing her to spread herself thin and eventually burn out. By overwhelming her with stress, I'd keep her from focusing on her true purpose or making meaningful progress in any one area

Normalize Settling for Less: I'd convince her that it's easier and safer to settle for mediocrity, whether in her career, relationships, or personal growth. She'd believe that pursuing her dreams is too risky or unrealistic, so she'd settle for a life of comfort and conformity rather than pushing toward her potential.

Fuel lmposter Syndrome: I'd make her feel like a fraud whenever she achieves success, convincing her that she doesn't really deserve it. No matter how much progress she makes, she'd always feel like she's faking it and fear being "found out," which would hold her back from fully stepping into her power.

Block Her Connection to Intuition or Faith: I'd weaken her connection to her inner wisdom, intuition, or any spiritual guidance she might rely on. By creating doubt in her own instincts or in a higher purpose, I'd keep her disconnected from the inner clarity she needs to make aligned decisions

Through these tactics, I'd aim to keep her in a cycle of self-sabotage, fear, and confusion, making it incredibly difficult for her to rise to her potential and fulfill her life's purpose.

#ai writing #progress

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darkchocolatedimples · 5 months ago

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the tortured poets department (sponsored by my procrastination)

excuse my essays for each song the lyrics are so interesting to me so there’s like actual analyzation for each one.

fortnight - dex

that lingering resentment disguised by surface level friendship is that not literally him and sophie come on. “run into you sometimes, ask about the weather” the awkwardness!! “your wife waters flowers, i want to kill her” he was the #1 fitz hater for multiple reasons after all (although i think he was over it by the time keefe became prominent)

the tortured poets department - sophie

this is so keefe from her perspective come on “you’re in self sabatoge mode, throwing spikes down the road, but i’ve seen this episode and still love the show” “i chose this cyclone with you” “sometimes i wonder if you’re gonna screw this up with me. but you told [biana] that you’d kill yourself if i ever leave. and i had said that to [dex] about you so i felt seen. everyone we know understands why we’re meant to be.” also let’s be so real keefes drawing journals + goodbye letters, he’s giving tortured poet

my boy only breaks his favorite toys - fitz

guys he’s just a silly little boy with anger issues, and he’s MY silly little boy with anger issues stop hating him 😞 “the voices in his head called the rain to end our days of wild” “he saw forever so he smashed it up” he may have fucked up but it happens!!

down bad - dex

CUZ FUCK IT HE WAS IN LOVE!!! also if i may present to you: “i might just die it would make no difference” in the context that outside of sophie saw no purpose to his own life. he saw himself just as he is presented in the books: as her best friend and nothing more. so in losing that (blaming himself and his own feelings for it) what was left of him? who was left? sophie was also his ONLY friend. not to mention in the context of the fact that when he WAS presumed dead nobody cared, they still cared more about sophie.

so long, london - keefe

no not bc of london actually but because “and you say i abandoned the ship but i was going down with it, my white knuckle dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment” is actually a direct reference to keefitz’ friendship falling apart as fitz got angrier and keefe got more closed off. “you swore that you loved me but where were the clues?” “im just mad as hell cause i loved this place” me when everglen is no longer keefes safehaven. nor anyone’s for that matter bc its haunted by alvars betrayal and alden’s mind break and fitz’ anger.

but daddy i love him - biana

“i just learned these people only raise you to cage you” “i just learned these people try and save you…cause they hate you” “dutiful daughter all my plans were laid…growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all.” i hate alden vacker. how do u manage to use and fuck up all ur kids by age 12 like wow. “i’ll tell you something about my good name: it’s mine alone to disgrace” she would 100% say this. she would also 100% say “im having his baby! no im not but you should see your faces.”

fresh out the slammer - keefe

sokeefe or keefitz take it as it comes. “in the shade of how he was feeling.” “as i said in my letters.” “my friends try, but i wouldn’t hear it…for just one glimpse of his smile” “swirled you into all of my poems” it’s so him it is truly.

florida!!! - keefe

THIS one’s about london! “well me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time! yes i’m haunted but im feeling just fine” ethan and eleanor wright who?? “your home’s really only a town you’re just a guest in” candle shade/shores of solace type beat “i need to forget so take me to [london], i have some regrets i’ll bury them in [london]” “i don’t want to exist so take me to [london]” aw bae

guilty as sin? - dex

i don’t know how to explain but i just feel like this feeling of i shouldn’t be doing/feeling this the literal guilt and all these delusions and the sheer intensity of it all is just giving me dex. “this cage was once just fine, am i allowed to cry? i dream of cracking locks, throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks” “i keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault” this must be the way he loves if he thinks so little of himself and doesn’t let himself have good things. “i choose you and me religiously” because at the end of the day when he makes a decision or chooses something or someone he puts his all into it.

who’s afraid of little old me - sophie

“you lured me and you hurt me and you taught me. you caged me then you called me crazy. i am what i am cuz you trained me.” all of it’s literally giving her growing into herself in stellarlune and making decisions on her own. SHE IS NOT A PAWN!!!

i can fix him (no really i can) - tam

idk its just giving him defending rayni with his life when everyone else including linh was like who tf is this girl.

loml - fitz

every sad pining song is fitz vacker to me. esp the refrences to the romance being dead but never buried... "still alive killing time at the cemetery, never quite buried...i'm your holy ghost" the way that sophie switched up on him in stellarlune (although i fully support her) didn't give him much time to recover. "are they second-hand embarrased that i can't get out of bed because something counterfiet's dead" give me heartbroken fitz!!! for once instead of angry fitz just give me tired, resigned fitz. "it was legendary, it was momentary, it was unecessary, should've let it stayed buried" is such a good summary of sophitz imo.

i can do it with a broken heart - linh

linh is so interesting to me as a parallel of fitz: meaning she, just like him, is always angry. however she masks it in smiles and kindness the way he never learned to, he just lashes out. this song feels like it’s talking about that mask: “i’m so depressed i act like it’s my birthday everyday” “i can read your mind ‘she’s having the time of her life’ …i can show you lies” “cause im miserable and nobody even knows” “i can hold my breath, i’ve been doing it since [i] left”

the smallest man who ever lived - keefe

it’s giving a letter to cassius/gisela/alvar. “and i don’t even want you back, i just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. and i don’t miss what we had” “did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?” “in 50 years will all this be declassified and you’ll confess why you did it, and i’ll say ‘good riddance’” “i would’ve died for your sins instead i just died inside. and you deserve prison but you won’t get time” “in plain sight you hid, but you are what you did. and i’ll forget you but i’ll never forgive.”

the alchemy - sophie

“cause the sign on your heart said it’s still reserved for me. honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?” aw sokeefe.

clara bow - biana

BIANA BEING COMPARED TO HER BROTHERS AND ALL THE VACKERS BEFORE THEM "the crown is stained but you're the real queen" "beauty is a beast that roars, down on all fours, demanding more...its hell on earth to be heavenly" i love her.

the black dog - fitz

bring back petty fitz!! i think the young girl not knowing the starting line could parallel with keefe not being able to understand things about telepathy that really connected fitz and sophie. i also think we could shift the angle and make it about alvars betrayal and how it sparked his angry trauma response. “you said i needed a brave man, then proceeded to play him until i believed it too.” “now i want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes…even if i die screaming, and i hope you hear it.”

imgonnagetyouback - fitz

he is 100% this delusional. he's just like me. "you'll find that you were never not mine" "even if its handcuffed im leaving here with you." "told my friends i hate you but i love you just the same, pick your poison babe, i'm poison either way"

the albatross - keefe

“one bad seed kills the garden. one less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen.” “the devil that you know looks now more like an angel. i’m the life you chose, and all this terrible danger.” HE IS THE ALBATROSS. i can’t wait for the movie i want edits of him to this. ACTUALLY I WANT A LOT OF THINGS maybe I’ll make a separate post about that.

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus - keefe

you saw it coming. this song SCREAMS KEEFITZ. like- “you said some things that i can’t unabsorb…you needed me but you needed drugs more.” “changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules all to outrun my desertion of you.” “if you want to break my cold cold heart just say ‘i loved you the way that you were’” WHAT THE HECK DUDE IM SOBBING “back to the moment i crashed into you like so many wrecks do” that line solidified this as keefe’s pov for me. in conclusion. SOBBING.

how did it end - biana

i propose to you: not a relationship, but the vacker family falling apart and the way they became a huge subject of gossip in the lost cities. when alden’s mind broke, while fitz had turned to anger biana became depressed, and i think this song could relate to that as well. the whole part of “guess who we ran into at the shops” feels very much like conversations others would have about the vackers at the time and when alvar betrayed them. “soon they’ll go home to their [brothers], smug cause they know they can trust him.” and i think at the end of the day when all of it happened biana was just young and betrayed and lost, because she didn’t see it coming or understand why (who did?) “the deflation of our dreaming, leaving me bereft and reeling” “i can’t pretend like i understand, how did it end?”

so high school - biana

HER VIBES ALL THE WAY she’s so cute and lovely and i want this for her (and dex. specifically dex. not anyone else.)

i hate here - sophie

was leaning dex until “you see i was a debutant in another life but now i seem to be scared of going outside” but the whole idea of escapism applies to both of them. especially to sophie though when she lived with humans and was so alone because even her own family couldn’t understand her, and she canonically is a bookworm and probably found more comfort in those other lives than she ever could in her own. "I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind...i read about it in a book when I was a precious child" "ill get lost on purpose, this place made me feel worthless"

thanK you aIMee - tam

aimee 🤝🏽 the song parents. “everyone knows that my [sister] is a saintly woman. but she used to say she wished that you were dead.” “but when i count the scars there’s a moment of truth: that there wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you.” thank you song parents 🫶🏽

i look in people’s windows - fitz

i thought this song sounded so creepy till I actually listened to it and now the idea of like lowkey stalking someone just to see if they still care about you or have moved on is slightly making sense. "does it feel alright to not know me? i'm addicted to the if only." it's giving keefitz (when isn't it?)

the prophecy - dex

"let it once be me, who do i have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy?" THIS JUST REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF THE BEGINNING OF STELLARLUNE WHEN HES LITERALLY MOURNING WHAT HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED TO HIS BROTHER YET i need more dex being the oldest sibling and shouldering that burden. the love-hate relationship with his siblings while simultaneously trying to make their quality of life so much better than what he had. also "a lesser woman would've lost hope, a greater woman wouldn't beg" is so him. he is so that middle.

cassandra - tam

"so they killed cassandra first cuz she feared the worst...do you believe me now?" "you can mark my words, i said it first. in a mourning warning, no one heard." tam when keefe joined the neverseen fr

peter - keefe

pls tell me you saw this one coming. "are you still a mindreader? a natural scene stealer, I've heard great things [fitz], but life was always easier on you than it was on me." "promises, oceans deep, but never to keep" "forgive me [fitz], my lost fearless leader...from when we were just kids. is it something I did?" i think I'm just in a constant state of mourning their friendship.

the bolter - keefe

obvious reasons but also "i can confirm she made a curious child, ever reviled by everyone but her own father." "hearts are hers for the breaking, there's escape in escaping." "she's got the best stories, you can be sure, as she was leaving, it feels like freedom."

robin - dex

had to do some research for this one but apparently its talking about preserving a child's innocence! for this reason it reminds me again of dex and his siblings because of the way he really wants to protect them from things that haven't happened yet (especially considering rex being talentless). "way to go tiger" definitely sounds like something he would say to them feeling all sentimental but then, knowing siblings, they'd probably grill him about why he's being nice 💀

the manuscript -

we know the drill by now, fitz gets all the breakup songs because they could be about sophie OR keefe. "afterwords, she only ate kid's cereal, and slept in her mother's bed" while the song is discussing reverting back to childhood habits in vulnerability, fitz's vulnerability made him angry (but it was still a big change from his regular self) "looking back might be the only way to move forward" I hope he does get to move on!!! im tired of the love triangle plot if we're not gonna focus on keefitz' friendship 😭

#keeper of the lost cities #kotlc #keefe sencen #kotlc stellarlune #fitz vacker #dex dizznee #biana vacker #sophie foster #tam song #linh song #kotlc unraveled #keeper of the lost cities (taylor's version)#taylor swift #keefitz #dexiana #sophitz #sokeefe

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beomgyuslilracha · 1 year ago

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you don't go to parties ☆.* 6

⊹ pairing: choi yeonjun x f! reader

⊹ genre: exes to ... complicated

⊹ warnings: just my usual awful writing and also the fact that i keep procrastinating so hard every time i get writer's block

⊹ wc: 4.7k

summary: back in your college days, you were living at the prime of your life alongside your boyfriend, yeonjun. you couldn't remember most of it, though, considering it was a blur consisting of mostly parties and many drunken nights. eventually, you reached your limit, and you and yeonjun no longer saw eye-to-eye. after many fights and endless tears, you disappeared for good and left that life and your boyfriend behind. but, five years later, yeonjun was still waiting for you at every party.

truthfully speaking, you were foolish not to realize that everything was too good to be true. your day had been going far too well for something not to come along and ruin it — it was the unfortunate balance of life, after all.

while filming should have commenced approximately three minutes ago, the directors and staff were gradually beginning to panic when there was no sign of the next interviewee. seeing as though they were not any of your concern, you remained unbothered as you flashed a reassuring smile in kai's direction.

unfortunately, he only wished that he could return the same expression.

it wasn't that he was worried about the missing interviewee by any means, but it was more so that he had completely forgotten to warn you about who exactly they were about to interview..

considering he had been rather distracted after having gone out of his way to look for and warn you earlier, kai could only blame beomgyu for the unfortunate predicament that the two of you will inevitably be under.

although, seeing as he was running late anyway, kai wondered if he should just take the opportunity to pull you aside now and let you know before he had the chance to arrive.

but how could he?

a part of him wanted to be selfish and leave you to remain blissfully unaware so that you wouldn't leave his side. perhaps you might even seek him for comfort... was this so wrong?

"we found him! yeonjun's coming!" a staff member had suddenly announced to everyone upon entering the room, earning a sigh of relief from the surrounding crew.

meanwhile, kai cursed himself for keeping his mouth shut. having to watch as your cheerful smile dropped into a look of dread was enough to fill him with regret and shame for ever putting his feelings before your own.

and then yeonjun officially entered the room.

your eyes helplessly followed him as he rushed forward to stand on the small steps behind kai and wonyoung, a heavy feeling settling into the pit of your stomach like that of a ton of bricks.

it only made matters worse when you noticed his eyes scanning over everyone in the room, unfortunately meaning that he was bound to spot you in a matter of seconds.

your gaze quickly averted down to your nervously fidgeting fingers, feeling a wave of awkwardness settle over you at the thought of him recognizing you amongst the crew. you contemplated on escaping the room altogether, but you knew it would just wind up being all the more suspicious if you suddenly bolted out of the room.

not to mention that it would also be completely unprofessional and immature on your part.

besides, you knew that you couldn't do that to kai anyway.

you had promised him that you would stay by his side all day to support him, so you couldn't possibly run off simply for the sake of your own selfish reasons.

thus, you were left to fall under the burning gaze of yeonjun's eyes. even without looking, you could almost feel the exact moment when he spotted you.

despite your inner reluctance, you still couldn't help yourself from glancing back to meet his eyes across the room. even regardless of your previous reunion back at that stupid party, you somehow found yourself resenting the way his gaze still elicited your heart to flip inside your chest.

"starting in 10!"

the sudden voice of the director counting down the seconds is what finally managed to pull your eyes away, breaking the eye contact that you imagined had lasted for hours.

yeonjun, on the other hand, was feeling completely over the moon. sure, you two may have shared nothing more than a mere glance, but that was seemingly enough for him.

the fact you weren't glaring daggers at him felt like progress already.

then there was kai, who was feigning studying his notecards when, in reality, he was simply trying to avoid acknowledging yeonjun's presence at all. even though he wasn't entirely sure what it was that yeonjun had done to you, he still trusted his gut and absolutely despised everything that he knew about the guy so far.

once the director gave the signal for filming, kai's demeanor instantaneously perked up as his charismatic personality quickly took over in the blink of an eye.

"hueningkai here in the green room!" he announced cheerfully, his adorable smile almost infectious as even you couldn't help but to break into a smile from just watching him.

"and i'm wonyoung!" wonyoung followed after with her camera-perfect smile. "who are we meeting right now?"

"staying cooler than ever, it's choi yeonjun! shall we say hi?"

wonyoung and kai both stepped back from one another to properly reveal yeonjun in between them, cheerfully announcing his presence for everyone watching.

"hi everyone, i'm yeonjun," he spoke casually, lazily saluting the camera in a cool manner before taking a proper bow as wonyoung and kai clapped from beside him.

as you watched the interview progress, you mentally cursed yourself from being unable to prevent your eyes from constantly looking at the one person you'd rather not look at.

after the two of you had broken up, you swore to yourself that you would never see him again for as long as you lived.

you've seen how well that worked out ...

although, considering how long you were able to stick to your word, that meant that you never actually got to see him debut as an idol. sure, you remembered him mentioning it once or twice while you were dating, but you didn't take him seriously since he was usually drunk or hungover anyway.

in any case, you could feel a secret part of yourself growing a little curious - more curious than you'd like to admit - about what kind of music he's released..

as you watched him greet and thank his darling fans for their love and support, you surprisingly found yourself rather captivated by the persona he was showcasing for the camera. you wondered if any of his moawajjuni's knew what kind of person he really was or if they were all too smitten by the perfectly crafted smile plastered on his face.

funnily enough, not that you would ever realize it for yourself, this was actually the first time in his career where yeonjun wasn't purposely putting on an act for the sake of the show.

this would be due to the fact that he may or may not have made himself a little giddy over the thought of you being there to watch him. sure, he knew more than well that you weren't there for him originally, but he's managed to sneak enough glances your way to notice that you have been watching him and not the one you came for.

"thank you! now, i heard your new song 'lonely boy' has a special significance. tell us about the track," kai read off from the notecard, feigning intrigue as he looked towards yeonjun expectantly for his answer.

despite having fully expected this question, what yeonjun was not expecting was for the very person the song was written about to be present in the room when he practiced what he would say.

with a shy smile and a nervous chuckle, yeonjun couldn't help but to boldly glance in your direction and catch your eye before giving his answer.

an unfamiliar chill ran down your spine.

"yes, well .. this song is meant to portray the loneliness and resentment that one may experience after a break up," yeonjun began. "i wanted to use this song as a personal outlet to describe my own feelings left behind after my first love, so i allowed myself to be incredibly vulnerable for this track."

both kai and wonyoung simultaneously released an impressed 'woah' in response to yeonjun's answer - though only wonyoung's would be considered genuine.

unfortunately, you didn't get to hear the rest of the interview, seeing as you needed to escape that suffocating room now more than ever, before all the walls ended up closing in on you.

you couldn't be entirely sure if the room itself had been spinning or if it was all in your head.

all was fine and well until yeonjun uttered the words "first love" far too casually for your liking. and then to have the audacity to look in your direction?! he was certainly crazy... as were you.

after walking around aimlessly, you happened to find momentary solace on the bottom step of the music bank staircase. it only lasted for about fifteen seconds, though, before a familiar idol group had come to kindly ask if they could take a group picture in front of the stairs.

opting to head up the stairs to rest on the bottom step of the second level, you finally had the semi-privacy to pull out your phone and search up the very song that was eating away at your brain.

not that you cared about the song at all, of course not, you were merely just curious. right.. yeah, you didn't care about his supposed 'vulnerability' in the song or if it was secretly about you, no, no ,no. you were simply satisfying your curiosity about what kind of music he sang, that's all.

you continued to stare down at the play button, too embarrassingly afraid to make any move to actually press it.

regardless of how horribly you were trying to convince yourself that you didn't remotely care for the song, you knew far too well that you were scared that you would.

what could yeonjun have possibly written that would cause him to describe it as 'incredibly vulnerable'??

certainly he was smart enough not to be explicit with his details about your past relationship, so what could he really accomplish?

based on the title itself, you even angrily began to wonder if he somehow managed to twist your history around to paint himself as the victim.

the sound of approaching footsteps was what finally dragged you out of your feuding thoughts, though only for your jaw to involuntarily clench once the owner came into view.

"did you like the song?"

you rolled your eyes, subtly trying to lock your phone in hopes of hiding the fact that you had searched it up at all. it was a futile attempt, of course, but you couldn't care less. "i don't know, i didn't listen to it," you deadpanned.

yeonjun tilted his head, slightly confused, considering he was more than certain that he saw his album's logo on your phone just a second ago.

you stood up from the step, shoving your phone back into your pocket. with an annoyed sigh, you clarified, "i never pressed play. i decided i didn't want to hear it."

"you're not even the least bit curious to know how i've felt these past few years?"

"no, yeonjun, i'm not." a lie. "now, if you'll excuse me, i need to go find kai."

you probably made it about five steps before his hand had instinctively reached out to lightly grasp at your wrist and prevent you from walking away any further. even though you knew full well it would be smarter - and all too easy - to pull your arm away and keep walking, you couldn't help yourself from foolishly caving in to his touch.

how was it possible that even after everything, you were still weak to him??

meanwhile, yeonjun was having his own feuding thoughts as his eyes scanned back and forth between yours.

should he do it? should he finally take taehyun's advice?

here he had you in front of him again, allowing him the most perfectly golden opportunity to just come right out and apologize to you the way he should have done five years ago.

but would he take it?

well, he wouldn't exactly be choi yeonjun if he did now, would he?

"come on, just admit you want to hear my gorgeous voice singing to you." he smirked so confidently, yet all the while cursing at himself in his own head. sometimes even he wished he wouldn't open his stupid mouth sometimes.

you rolled your eyes once more, scoffing quietly in disbelief for expecting any different yet again. it was like you never learned to stop having expectations for someone as arrogant as him.

yet you continued to be disappointed every time.

although, despite attempting to walk away again, yeonjun managed to get over himself and stop you one more time.

"no, y/n, wait.." yeonjun visibly winced at the clear desperation in his voice to keep you with him, but he knew he needed to get over himself if he wanted to make any progress with you. "look, i just ... it would mean a lot to me if you listened to the song."

almost like a gust of wind, your hostility towards him diminished instantaneously. the gentle tone of his voice and the way his eyes avoided yours.. it was hard to believe that this was even the same yeonjun from just a moment before.

even from the light grasp he had on your wrist, yeonjun was surprisingly able to feel the tension relax from your body. from the moment he dropped his cocky exterior, he wondered if even just a sliver of your guard had dropped around him.

maybe, just maybe, this was how he could win your heart again..

yeonjun swallowed the lump that now resided in his throat, his gaze suddenly unwavering. he could hear taehyun's voice echoing in his head, "just fucking do it".

"y/n ... i'm s-"

"y/nie, there you are!"

startled by the sudden voice coming up behind you, your head whipped around to see kai making his way up the music bank steps towards you.

"it's almost time for me to announce this week's chart scores! you're coming, aren't you?"

although he appeared cheerful based on his voice and the bright smile adorning his lips, the look in his eyes only hardened as they glanced momentarily at the hand that was still wrapped delicately around your wrist.

of course, that wouldn't be a look you'd recognize at all. most especially since you were now more focused on the fact that you had almost forgotten your job entirely.

yeonjun, on the other hand, was glaring daggers down at the boy who had dared to interrupt his moment with you. just when he felt that he could ease his way into your life just a little bit more, that cursed homewrecker friend of yours had to come and ruin it.

"yes of course, i just-"

"y/n.."

you sighed rather heavily, reluctantly turning back around to be met with yeonjun's now pitiful gaze — a look you had never seen for as long as you had known him.

curse your weak heart for fluttering at such a moment like this.

"look, i'll listen to it later, but i need to get back to my job," you finally told him, gently pulling your arm completely from his grasp.

"will you tell me what you think?" yeonjun's voice was uncharacteristically soft as he spoke to you. whether it was to keep kai from overhearing your conversation or to purposely melt your heart even more, you could not be sure.

were it any other day, you were more than positive that you would have looked your arrogant ex-boyfriend in the eye and laughed directly in his face.

but for some reason, in this moment in time, you hesitated. despite knowing that the most reasonable option would be to deny his request and ensure that he remained out of your life the way he should have... you couldn't do it.

instead, you shrugged and responded with a weak, "we'll see."

sure, it may not have been a direct yes and it definitely gave you more than enough leeway to never contact him again, but it was enough hope for yeonjun to break into a genuine smile.

kai, on the other hand, decided now would be his best opportunity to take it upon himself and end the little moment before it could drag on any further.

"come on, y/nie, we'll get scolded if we're late!" he called to you in his innocent tone, stepping just close enough to cutely grab your hand and begin dragging you away.

without another word, you left with kai towards where he was needed on the main stage.

that was odd, wasn't it?

you kept replaying the interaction with yeonjun in your head and the only word you could think to describe it was .. odd.

it started off as normal as you would've expected – with him being his usual asshole self – but then you saw that different side of him right as you were attempting to leave. hell, even when you were dating, you never knew that there was any part of him that was capable of being remotely vulnerable.

"y/nie, you okay?"

kai's gentle voice only barely broke through your thoughts, allowing you to finally remember where you were.

"huh? oh.. yeah, i'm fine, don't worry."

based on that response, it didn't seem fine to him. clearly your mind was elsewhere, and it was all too evident to figure out where it was – or, rather, who it went to.

before the two of you could cross the threshold of the doors leading to the main stage, kai made a silent and sudden decision to abruptly stop and pull you off to the side.

seeing as you were rightfully confused, you questioned him, "kai, what're you-"

"when are you going to tell me what happened between you and yeonjun?"

your jaw gaped slightly, stunned by the sudden question that you hadn't expected in the slightest. you were blinking in surprise, looking around the hall to ensure no one else was around.

"oh, kai... i don't think this is the time or place to have this conversation."

normally, kai would agree with you. he'd be his usual, patient self and quickly move on if you weren't comfortable with opening up to him. this time, though, he's admittedly had quite enough of this yeonjun character being around you lately.

sure, it's only been twice now, but it was enough for him to strongly dislike it.

seeing as it was very uncharacteristic of your little huening to be without a smile, you were beginning to feel the seriousness of the situation.

with a small sigh, you finally nodded. you figured it wouldn't hurt to be honest with your best friend, but you still chose to remain vague about the more specific details for now.

"yeonjun is my ... ex."

cue kai's heart plummeting directly into his stomach.

you dated him?! how long ago? was it serious? how long was the relationship? did you love him? why did you break up?

"it was years ago, honestly," you spoke up before kai could even get out one of the many questions that were swirling around in his mind. "it was when we were still in college. it was just ... it wasn't a good break up, i guess. so now every time i see him, it's-"

"uncomfortable?" kai suggested, tilting his head ever so curiously - and, admittedly, a little hopeful.

you considered the word, slowly nodding as a way of agreement. "well, yes, that too." you still hesitated, struggling to think of a more fitting word for how it felt to be near him. "awkward... maybe?" you decided, still feeling unsure.

though, no other word would come to mind that felt as close to the situation.

and it was true, at least.

perhaps it wasn't that you were necessarily uncomfortable with yeonjun, it was purely just awkward to be around him after everything the two of you had been through together.

the years of growing together to know one another both inside and out. the moments of intimacy shared between you two that will forever be ingrained into your mind and body. to think that for years of your life, he had been your other half and then suddenly ... you were as close as strangers.

the only word you could imagine being appropriate enough to describe it was ... awkward.

"why did you guys break up?" kai dared to ask, his voice soft so as to tread lightly on the topic.

you squeezed your lips together, avoiding meeting his eyes as you thought back to the not-so-fond memory.

a memory you didn't exactly feel like reliving in the hallways of music bank.

"look, can we please get back to the reason why we're here before we both get in trouble?"

before kai could be given even a brief moment to push the question any further, it was your turn to take his hand and drag him to the main stage – where everyone had been desperately waiting for him in order to get started with filming.

even beomgyu appeared to be glaring in both of your directions, as if to telepathically scold you both for leaving him to be nervous all by himself.

"don't forget she's my manager too, huening!" beomgyu whined as you both approached him, his lips pouting adorably as he did.

you couldn't fight the amused smile that adorned your lips, realizing it had to be beomgyu's nerves getting after the two of you more than anything. seeing as he had been standing by the curtain leading towards the center stage, it was more than clear that he was getting worked up after having spotted the full crowd awaiting the k-chart scores.

you rushed up to the pouting boy, engulfing him instantaneously in a tight hug. "oh, calm down, i'm here now, okay? i wouldn't miss your big win for the world!"

although he still wasn't at 100%, it still helped greatly for beomgyu to know that you would be there to support him wholeheartedly. he returned the hug with no hesitation, tightening the embrace almost desperately before the crew signaled for both him and kai to officially enter onto the main stage.

even though your conversation with him was still fresh at the back of his mind, kai managed to push it all aside for the time being to focus on the job at hand. he stood now beside wonyoung, a bright smile on his face for the camera, pretending for the viewers that he wasn't remotely bothered at the thought of his best friend being anywhere close to that fox-eyed jerk.

and as you watched anxiously as the numbers calculated themselves on the big screen, no other thought was important to you anymore.

you didn't care about the song from before. you didn't care about your ex-boyfriend's sudden personality change. you didn't even care that you were standing almost in sight of the cameras - though a staff member did have to pull you a couple steps back eventually.

no, all you cared about was watching hueningkai happily announce beomgyu's name as he was announced number one for the week.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

to no one's surprise - or, at least, certainly not to yours - beomgyu won by a landslide.

as he deeply expressed his gratitude and appreciation to his beloved bamtoris, kai and wonyoung waved their goodbyes and exited the stage to allow beomgyu his moment to perform his title track.

"as proud as i am of beomgyu, don't think for a second that i'm not just as proud of you!"

kai blinked in surprise, a bright pink hue kissing color into his cheeks as he processed your sudden words of praise. though, he was more caught off-guard by his heart practically somersaulting in his chest as a reaction.

certainly he never reacted that way before?

"..me? why?"

"because you were a wonderful mc today, kai!" you praised him yet again, bounding over with a bright smile and embracing your best friend around the waist. "i can't believe you don't get invited more often! you truly have such a natural charisma."

if it were at all possible, kai seriously could have stood there for hours in hopes that you would compliment him over and over again. though, at the same time, he didn't think his heart could handle the overwhelming feeling for too long.

luckily for kai's weak heart, beomgyu's performance eventually ended and he met up with the two of you immediately upon exiting the stage.

in the midst of his excitement, he wrapped his arms around both yours and kai's shoulders to bring you in for a group hug. it was truly a precious moment, causing your heart to swell with an overwhelmingly joyous emotion.

although it wasn't your usual forte, you refused to waste such a perfect opportunity to take out your phone and savor the moment with a group selca. just you and your two favorite boys.

"alright, alright, we're very proud of both of you as well, but we can't stay here forever," a personal staff member of your company chuckled upon approaching the three of you. "let's get you boys to the dressing rooms."

"ah, that's right, i need to take this mic pack off," kai realized, turning back to congratulate beomgyu once more before promising to meet up with the two of you shortly after.

although a small part of him was a little reluctant on leaving you by yourself, in fear that yeonjun would somehow approach you again and risk making you uncomfortable at all, kai decided that you should be fine as long as you're with beomgyu.

and so he was ushered off to his dressing room, where it was all too difficult for kai not to take notice of the strange presence that awaited him on his chair.

a bright orange fox plush that certainly wasn't there when he was here earlier.

as the staff were moving all around him, lifting his shirt to unstrap the mic, a small smile graced his lips as he pondered over who may have left such a cute gift for him to find.

of course, there was only one person he could think of that would do such a thing — as well as only one person he hoped it would be from.

the moment he was left alone, he walked over and grabbed the precious plush in his hand, only for his smile to drop almost instantaneously upon flipping over the notecard that was attached to the ear.

please call me (xxx)xxx-xxxx yj

unfortunately, kai was more than certain that he could piece together who the message was from and who it was meant for, and it certainly wasn't for himself. ensuring to keep the note itself intact, kai popped off the string that was connecting the notecard to the ear in order to examine it closer.

with the notecard still in his hand, kai's head shot up in the slightest bit of shock at the sound of the dressing room door opening shortly afterward. although he was half expecting for yeonjun himself to show up and confront him, kai was, luckily, able to relax upon seeing your bright smile greeting him from the doorway.

"hey, you all done? beomgyu and i are-" a sudden gasp escaped your lips as you glanced down at the plush that kai held in his hands. "oh, cute! did somebody leave that as a gift for you?"

"no, actually," kai suddenly found himself answering honestly. "it's supposed to be for you."

much to his dismay, he couldn't miss the bright sparkle in your eyes upon hearing his words. of course you'd be excited at the thought of receiving such an adorable gift .. but would you feel the same if you knew who it was from?

"awww!" you cooed excitedly, entering the room further and holding a hand above your heart in sincerity. "that's so sweet, kai ... you got a plush for me?"

hesitating ... why is he hesitating?

kai glanced down at the plush, blinking in uncertainty as he read over the card that was still held in his other hand. he swallowed the lump that now resided in his throat, quickly looking up to meet your eyes again as he now flashed an innocent smile in your direction.

"of course i did. i told you i'd get you something, remember?"

he outstretched his hand to you in order to properly give you the fox plush as a gift, his other hand slyly sliding the note into his back pocket away from your view.

previous | masterlist | next

a/n:

can i promise that i won't disappear for a long time again? no .. not at all. BUT i can promise that i will not be giving up on this story. i may be an awful procrastinator, but i'll be damned if i let this story rot away in my drafts.

thank you for waiting anyway, i truly appreciate everyone who is still here even after i've showcased myself to be an awful writer and even worse updater. pretty sure i've lost sight of where this was originally headed, but .. oh well. let's see where it goes from here.

also i'm 97% sure this taglist is hardly active anymore, so uhhh .. i'll probably be stalking you guys for inactivity to remove later. sorry :( <;3

series taglist:

@cookiehaos @rizzshimura @junzwrld @reigyki @goldennika @chaconnelatte @faeryhee @soobsfairy444 @2ynjns @cherriruto @baekberrie @youraggedybitch @eundiarys @bokk-minnie @cha-raena @wo-ai-ni-yong @strvlveera @ghostfacefricker6969 @whippedforbeomgyu @hkplushier @aloverga @ineedsomezzz @themiddlefingerinthesky @idkhoomanmaybe @catsyoon @wereonfire @heartattackreader @myjaeyunn

permanent taglist:

@human-misery @softcabur @marekmybeloved @taekwondoes @wccycc @jjhmk @mjlasagna @eclecticeggknightpsychic @yjusei @beachbabe4ever

#tomorrow x together #tomorrow x together imagines #tomorrow x together imagine #txt #txt imagine #txt imagines #txt x reader #choi yeonjun #choi yeonjun x reader #yeonjun #yeonjun x reader #yeonjun imagines #choi yeonjun imagines #yeonjun fanfic

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wren-kitchens · 11 months ago

Text

the sky is my thoughts (and we are so small)

he glares at the midnight sky—littered with stars and swirls of colour he never even knew existed up there until an hour ago—like it’s the sky’s fault joel is on the roof in the first place. it’d be easier to have someone to blame for everything he’s feeling right now, to be entirely honest. which is to say that everything he’s feeling right now is annoying and if he had someone to blame, he could make them stop it.

but it’s no one’s fault, which is stupid.

it’s not the sky’s fault that joel couldn’t sleep, unable to bear the weight of jimmy and grian’s presence in his otherwise desolate life; it’s not the stars that made him pad softly in his socks along the wooden corridor towards the attic; the crisp midnight air didn’t force him to climb the ladder that lead onto the roof. that’s all on him. it’s dumb.

i’ve been procrastinating on uploading my full fics here for a while now so I thought I may as well get started HJFDH

if you like, please also reblog!

“this is dumb.”

joel can’t think of anything better to say. this whole idea is extremely, profoundly, irrefutably dumb, and he honestly should just go back to bed. he doesn’t know why he even came up with it in the first place, it’s so stupid.

but it’s no one’s fault, which is stupid.

“I don’t know why i’m even doing this.” joel mutters. “you’re just- giant rocks that are on fire. you can’t hear.”

the stupid, dumb stars don’t respond. of course they don’t, that’d be- well, stupid. joel needs more words to describe stupid stuff. there’s a lot of stupid stuff right now.

“bet you smell.” joel tacks on grumpily. “stupid smelly stars. on fire. fire sucks.”

joel pulls his blanket tighter around his shoulders, burying as much of his face as he can along with it to protect against the chill. he can’t remember where he got the idea of talking to the stars from. probably some text post or weird inspirational meme thingy. not his own brain, of course, talking to stars is dumb and silly. joel isn’t dumb orsilly.

he wonders if he could sleep out here. it’s not all that cold, and he has a blanket and cushions anyway.

sleeping under the stars to avoid the crushing loneliness he feels when he sees jimmy and grian being so happy together. he’s living the dream over here.

joel huffs in annoyance. “it’s all just- it’s so dumb. I thought I had loads of friends! i’m so cool, and sexy and tall, y’know, it was inevitable.” he preens.

there’s a pause, and joel deflates slightly. “I don’t think I actually have any friends. just.. people I know. which is stupid, because i’m so cool.” he doesn’t feel like he’s convincing anyone with that.

“is it my fault?” joel asks, slightly rougher. “did I- was it me that-“ joel can’t quite finish that sentence. he sighs. “I don’t know. maybe.”

the stars don’t say anything. joel finds he’s starting to appreciate it.

“I don’t know why i’m even-“ he sighs again. “this is stupid. I just.. I don’t know. it’s easier like this, maybe. i’m not.. used to people.”

“I.. d’you think they like me?” joel says. “it’s scary. i’m- I didn’t think that would be a possibility. I don’t- I didn’t plan for it to be a possibility.”

“I thought, y’know. just be myself, they’ll fuck right off.” he fiddles with his blanket. “but, um. they didn’t. I don’t know.. why they didn’t. or what to do right now.”

the stars twinkle down at him, almost as if they were smiling. that’s dumb. stars don’t smile.

“it’s.” joel glances down. “I like them. but, I mean, i’ve liked a lot of people. doesn’t mean they don’t leave, y’know.”

“I don’t want them to leave.” joel murmurs. “i’ve known a lot of people and.. I really don’t want to lose them. they mean a lot to me.”

joel looks back up at the stars. they really are quite beautiful, huh. maybe he was a little hasty to call them dumb, now he thinks about it.

he shifts, leaning against the slope of the roof, on top of his cushions. he really likes it here, actually—the galaxy above him, the dark forest surrounding him, the mountains backdropping it all. definitely not the worst place to sleep, by any means.

“was there a sleepover I wasn’t invited to?”

joel starts, and looks up to see jimmy, holding his own blanket and an armful of pillows.

“hey.” joel says. “sorry, I-“

“you don’t have to apologise.” jimmy says. “can- I mean, do you mind if I stay?”

joel’s first instinct is to say yes, to send jimmy back downstairs, to stay safe in his loneliness. but he finds, as he opens his mouth to do just that..

.. he doesn’t really want jimmy to go.

“I don’t mind.” joel says with a halfhearted shrug. it’s so stupid. he’s gotten attached already? after so long on his own? okay, sure, it’s jimmy, but still.

it’s hard to tell in the low light, but joel thinks he sees jimmy smile. “can I sit next to you?”

joel nods, and jimmy settles down on the floor. he’s close—close enough that, if joel wanted to, he could lean on jimmy’s shoulder, or bury himself in the golden plumage of his wing. he doesn’t want to, obviously. that’d be embarrassing. of course he doesn’t.

“are you alright?” jimmy asks, pulling joel out of his thoughts.

“yeah.” joel says automatically. “i’m fine, why?”

jimmy shrugs, looking like he doesn’t really believe him. “well, you’re out here at like, two in the morning, on your own.”

“it’s..” joel trails off. how does he explain this without sounding either stupid or rude?

“what’re you doing anyway?” jimmy asks.

joel sighs. “something dumb.”

jimmy smiles, ever so slightly. “you say that about a lot of things.”

“you’ll laugh.” joel says. “I would.”

“have you met me before now?” jimmy says, amused. “have you heard of anything i’ve done, ever?”

joel snorts. “yeah, well. that’s different.”

“why?” jimmy presses.

“‘cause- I mean, you don’t care.” joel says. “no one cares. ‘cause it’s you.”

“well, I don’t care.” jimmy says. “because it’s you.”

and that..

that’s a lot.

“besides, i’ve done a lot worse.” jimmy continues, like he hasn’t just made joel reevaluate everything he’s ever thought about himself. “I- well, you don’t even know the half of it.” he chuckles. “y’know, I-“

jimmy stops mid sentence as joel shuffles closer and drops his head to rest on jimmy’s shoulder.

“hi.” jimmy smiles.

“i’m- it’s not-“ joel says, immediately trying to come up with some kind of defence.

“oh- dude, let yourself enjoy something.” jimmy says, half exasperated, half fond. “I may be dumb, but i’m not stupid.” he grins.

“you’re not dumb.” joel says. he pauses, considering. “you’re smelly though.”

jimmy snorts, and a smile begins to worm its way onto joel’s face in response. it’d be scary, if it didn’t feel so nice.

“i’ll take that as a compliment.” jimmy says, putting his arm around joel. he gives into it immediately, without so much as a second thought. jimmy huffs.

“what?” joel says.

“you are a silly, silly man.” jimmy tells him.

“what did I do!” joel squawks.

“you are so incredibly touchstarved!” jimmy laughs.

“i am not.” joel folds his arms. “that’s stupid.”

“oh yeah?” jimmy says, and joel doesn’t have time to wonder what that means before jimmy is scratching gently at the base of his ears, and all intelligent thought leaves his mind.

joel melts, leaning closer and closer into the touch, chasing that wonderful sensation, his insides replaced by sunbeams. he’s distantly aware of how embarrassing this is, how he can probably never show his face again after, but right now it’s just background noise.

that is until jimmy moves his hand away.

joel lets out a whine of protest before he can stop himself, and immediately claps his hand over his mouth. jimmy has that ‘I told you so’ look on his face, accompanied by something unbearably fond. joel is going to jump off this roof.

“not touchstarved, huh?” jimmy teases.

joel huffs. “it’s embarrassing.”

“no, it’s not.”

joel is taken aback by the sincerity in jimmy’s voice, and he looks up.

“it’s not.” jimmy repeats, slightly quieter. “you- I mean, you’re allowed to have emotions, dude.” he scoffs.

joel rolls his eyes. “I know that-“

“do you?” jimmy says.

that pulls joel up short. “do- what?”

“do you know that?” jimmy says. “‘cause- and I mean, in the best way possible but it doesn’t look like you do.”

“what d’you mean?” joel says warily, because this is starting to get into Deep Stuff territory, and that’s a place joel is very unfamiliar with.

“I- well, um.” jimmy grins nervously. “I won’t pretend I didn’t.. hear some of what you said earlier-”

joel is definitely, 100% set on the whole jumping-off-the-roof plan. “that- if you could- if you could pretend that didn’t happen, ever, that’d be brilliant.“

“if you want me to.” jimmy says, and he’s so genuine yet casual about it that it makes joel’s head spin. he’d just do it, no questions asked, if joel wanted. “but,”

jimmy pauses, and joel realises it’s to give him time to say no. he doesn’t, so jimmy keeps going.

“but.. we’re not gonna leave you.” jimmy says, voice all soft suddenly. something inside joel aches. “as embarrassing as it is, we like you too.” he jokes fondly. “i don’t want to leave you.”

and joel-

it’s so stupid. seriously, he’s not even going to say it, it’s that stupid.

fine. but don’t laugh. or judge him, or anything like that. he can’t blame you if you do though, because he would.

joel cries.

and it’s dumb, and so stupid, and he wants to hate himself for it, but jimmy just holds him close and strokes his hair, and it’s- it might be alright. because jimmy cares about him, and not the stupid stuff he thinks and does, and he cares enough to sit on a roof in the middle of the night and hold him in the cold as he cries into a blanket.

and, fuck. that’s enough.

“thank you.” joel mumbles in between hiccupy sobs.

“you mean so much to me, joel.” jimmy whispers, and he’s crying too, and joel could laugh. sap. “I don’t think i say that enough.”

“if you- if you say it more, I might just break down every other time.” joel jokes, and jimmy pokes him.

“you’re an idiot, y’know that?” jimmy sniffs.

“i’ve been made aware.” joel says.

“woah, am I missing a cry session?” comes grian’s voice, and jimmy yelps, entirely disrupting the mood.

“I thought you were asleep!” jimmy says. “I would have brought you otherwise.”

“you’re not exactly quiet, tim.” grian grins. “is this a good cry, or a bad cry?”

“good.” joel says, smiling. “it’s-“

“if you say ‘stupid’ one more time-” jimmy starts, fond yet exasperated.

“I was going to say ‘it’s thanks to jimmy’, but I won’t now.” joel elbows him, and jimmy squawks in indignation. “it’s stupid.” he adds, just to be annoying.

“grian, come help me kill him.” jimmy says, and joel cackles.

“oh, gladly.” grian says, plonking himself down on joel’s other side, snatching some of his blanket for himself.

“you guys’ idea of killing looks a lot like hugging.” joel notes, even as he snuggles into them.

“well, it’s one in the morning.” jimmy says, leaning into joel. “I need my beauty sleep.”

“tell me if it starts living up to the ‘beauty’ part.” grian says, wrapping an arm around joel’s waist as he rests his head on grian’s shoulder.

“oi!” jimmy exclaims.

“you’ll wake up the whole forest at this rate, lad.” joel nudges him, grinning sleepily. man, crying your heart out takes it out of a guy.

“yeah, timmy.” grian teases, wrapping his wings around the three of them. “go to sleep.”

jimmy huffs, but he copies grian, settling down. “I am. you go to sleep.”

joel makes a noise between a grunt and a sigh as he shifts, smiling to himself. “thanks for checking up on me.” he mumbles, eyes closing.

“‘course, dude.” jimmy says, voice soft.

“yeah, we’re not letting our bad boy get all sad.” grian squeezes him.

“exactly.” jimmy rubs a thumb gently against joel’s ear. “besides..”

“I like sleeping under the stars.”

#the bad boys #bad boys #limited life #joel smallishbeans #grian #jimmy solidarity #please don’t tag as ship <3 #wren writes #trafficblr

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