#also my feet still hurt
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Debating having an i don’t care what you think of me day where I put dye in my hair and then leave the house with the dye still in my hair and get stared at by strangers at the gas station until I go back home and wash it out
#basically today I have to shower and do laundry and I want to go to the gas station and get a slushee and a picture of the little plastic#guys and then I might also go to five below if I have the energy and I’ll get a couple canvases so I’m set up to do art stuff later this#week when I have two days off in a row#also my feet still hurt#unrelated but kind of related bc idk how much I wanna go do shit#I was also thinking about looking at new shoes but I haven’t yet and I still don’t want to cause I’m lazy but my shoes are garbage and make#my feet evil#I’ve literally worn the same pair of sneakers for like three years
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I love it when it gets cold, perfect excuse to get thick blankets and many pillows on the couch 😌
#also it's perfect for my legs#and the cold for my feet#they still hurt but not as much in the summer
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"Even if the sky cracks in mourning / And the heavens just won't open up for me" A Series of Small Offerings - II/12 - day20
#a series of small offerings#sleep token fanart#elaboration on this piece further down in the tags because this one may confuse people i think#(also please note that i firmly believe that the from the room below version of this song is the superior one)#(so the art was made with that version in mind because that is the version that lives rent free in my brain for reasons)#i've been thinking so much how to approach this one.. i knew pretty much since i've made the challenge that i will go with this line#specifically because i refuse to hear it as the lyrics sites and spotify tells me to hear it (as it appears in the post) but instead#i don't hear the 'the' in any version of the song i'm sorry that is just not there#so i'm convinced it is 'as the sky cracks in mourning'#(sky cracking-lightning;sky mourning-rain)#which is also exactly how the song feels to me#being a sad wet cat of a person standing bare feet in a strom and just crying 'why i was i so blind to my own hubris'#specifically in relation of finally (and far too late) understanding you fucked up a relationship so bad it still hurts years after#if you've ever felt anything remotely similar you know what i'm talking about#and you get why i refuse it being 'in the morning' instead of 'in mourning'#vessel i#vessel#vessel sleep token#vessel fanart#sleep token band#sleeptoken#levynn tries to draw#sleep token#edit: i don't mean to offend those who stand behind the line being 'in the morning' btw i just don't hear it#and i don't think i'm correct. i'm correct for me. not in your stead. half the lyrics can be heard at least two ways#edit2: appearently i'm actually right about something for a change.. a truly unusual turn of events#see comments for referrence pls#also edited this post to the correct lyrics#but leaving the tags for context 'cause thw original version of the post has been rb-d before editing i think
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i bring a sort of not wanting to do pointless waste of time shit to the job that employers really don't care for
#i fucking hate jobs where you have to look busy and unfortunately i seem to have gotten myself in just such a situation#i swept the floor three times today for no good reason it was not that dirty and also there is literally a vacuum which is a much more#rational device to use for cleaning in a vet clinic because sweeping clumps of hair doesnt work and i still havent gotten a good answer for#why i can't just use the vacuum#he's like “ok we need to find something to do” so tell me something to do i will do it!!!!! asshole#today i picked up a bunch of trash outside and he's also had me clean and reorganize some ancient cabinets. all fine#i literally do not care i will do any of that shit but you do need to Tell Me because i'm not a goddamn mind reader#and i know i will get in trouble if i fuck up something! obviously!#also this bitchy attitude is coming from a man who sits on his ass eating twizzlers for about 75% of the day as far as i can see#like i don't know what to tell you man actually verbally give me something to do or stop being a little bitch bc i'm leaning on the counter#because my feet and back hurt btw. because i'm not sitting on my ass all day. not that i wouldnt if i could obviously#i would kill for a desk job i got to file some folders today and it was blissful what is the job where you do that all day#me
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who tf wakes up at 8am on a sunday to do a group project. i know i didn’t lmfao
#like come on man there’s limits to everything#and even if i had woken up. every thing is hurting so much i would’ve just closed my eyes and kept sleeping#i had to exert myself physically and socially on friday. everything is still weird. i can’t feel my feet. words aren’t make sense#i am not. waking up at 8 am to do a group project that should be already done and it’s also the easiest thing in the world. it’s not deep#<- like really. it’s such a simple assignment you don’t get it.#anyway i woke up just now words are blurry still
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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fuck doc martens im never spending this much money on trash shoes again nothing but pain i swear to you . everyone give up on the docs im sick of it
#ive had these for over a year n theyre never comfortable#my last pair was a little better bc they were too big (they dont do half sizes so fuck off for that also)#but i had to wear 2 pairs of socks w them. bc too big.#now these ones just hurt like hell esp on my bad leg like my knee gets all terrible n they cut my ankles up#even the bigger ones that were a little more comfortable still left me with scars on my feet bc theyre fucking awfulllll#im sneakerpilled now i cant be fucking bothered.
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No but fr today was super exhausting idk how other ppl do so much and feel not tired at all.
I had kitchen duty, then I was leading a group on a 6km hike which ended up being 7km, then I was able to go home but only stayed there for 20min to pack new clothes and throw the old ones into the washing machine. Then I had to leave to go shopping bc I needed some stuff, after that, straight to my grandma who is moving, so that was incredibly stressful as well. Then, I was back home for another 20min to chill for a sec and then back to the hospital because I needed to be there in time for kitchen duty. I'm just so done lmao.
#also those 7km are still killing me my feet hurt I can barely walk 😭#at least I'm done with kitchen duty for the next week or so#sandra says stuff
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so guess who's moving house again (me! it's me.)
#same building just up on the top floor and waaaaaay on the opposite end#a chainsmoker moved in near us and the smoke BILLOWS into the apartment so we can't have the door or windows open. it's been miserable.#anyway today is day 4 of moving. my feet hurt but I've got like 98% of my stuff upstairs now!#all that's left is things I'm still using for the next few days until the movers come for the heaviest furniture#because naturally the heaviest furniture is also the comfiest furniture so we're hanging out downstairs without all our stuff lmao#i just spent 2 hours disassembling my bed. moving my bed. and reassembling my bed.#I'm exhausted#¶
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u hate me
Do you care that my stomach hurts
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dude im being so brave rn
#logbook#cleaning out the fridgeeee lets fucking gooooo. oof.#doing it while the housemates are gone for various reasons but mostly so i can toss out the trash b4 they get back#planning to make my bed. then do plant chores after this.#ive given up on leaving the house this weekend which is fine bc leaving the house really becomes a several hours time.#like living up and out of the city and needing to get to the city on days im off? boo. just let me stay up here.#i got in my old person porch time this morning. played games and experienced the birds at my feet.#the fact that im not hurting so bad today is a win esp since tmrw im back at work and will just be hurting all over again#i'll just plan for errands after work instead and let myself clean the house which has been stressing me out sooo much lol#also i got new sweatpants and they are legit the cosiest ones. they top my other cozy pair. wild.#dude icb its nov. . .so much going on rn im truly distancing myself from all my life shit to clean house. literally.#work has been so shit every fucking day idk if i can do this anymore tbh#anyways no matter. im alive and still existing in case anyone was wondering.#i hope everyone and their plants and creatures are doing ok. mwah.
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sorry if i am weirder than usual right now GRINS EVILLY but not too evilly. i dont know whats up with me today but its like a whole thing it might be the four hours of sleep if im honest
#ive been awake for 12 hours im realising hmmmm#i did all the dishes then cleaned the mop & took a shower. i am now lying down until my feet & back stop hurting#bc like. ok i did the dishes but in the sense that i got them dishwasher ready right. i still need to get the dishwasher going#but since my mother never lets anyone else do it i dont know how to. ill figure it out though of course. grown ass man.#feeling very physically disabled atm bc. i am. but also feeling accomplished. i intend on cleaning my room as well#no ones home so.. smiles#but yea idk why i decided to do all thst. ive been jittery & antsy & like i need to do everything forever at once#& im also socially weird(er than usual) i can notice it but theres not much i can do about it bc the urge to yap.#its nothing HARMFUL i dont think since im not getting mad at ppl yknow im just a bit of an odd thing right now#do u forgive me for being a weird little mentally ill freak 💞💞💞💞😊🐏 say yes im nice
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The walk of determination as Wolfwood steels himself to do his duty.
Vash slumped over, alone, then raising his head to look at Wolfwood.
Them staring at each other: Vash, weary but maybe hopeful to talk and reconcile, and Wolfwood, still flustered from his confrontation with Chapel.
Wolfwood drinking Vash in. So angry he has to do this. So scared. So saddened but he has to do this. To protect the orphanage. To protect himself.
Wolfwood looking down, away, rejecting him, Vash visibly startled and hurt with that short little gasp.
Wolfwood walking right past him, head turned firmly away, with the KNIVES tomb-like stele and the town washed in sunset in the background.
Fucking poetic. (And the perfect opportunity to kiss)
#trigun 98#trigun spoilers#vashwood#my post#vash looks at him so softly he /would/ talk with wolfwood#he's not going to shout or throw down he's /looking/ at wolfwood pleading for him to take the opening#and wolfwood walks away and that just /hurts/ vash#like wolfwood man you had your chance to sit down with him and... it didn't work out#i mean they kind of worked it out in the end but not really#still not the same#also sorry if the edit is kind of shitty i used a windows program#ALSO just when they look at each other so much passes between them in a few seconds#wolfwood just looking into vash's wide blue eyes#and collapsing at his feet#sobbing with the punisher dropping to the ground#vash just cradling him in his lap#wolfwood babbling about he can't do it what if he's chosen wrong what can he even do#and vash just listening and holding him#stroking his hair as wolfwood sobs and sobs and god he wishes he could help#fic in tags
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Downside: I am in pain
Upside: listened to Ghost inside Saint Peter's Basilica. Also learned a lot and saw a lot of stuff like statues and paintings and the sistine chapel but more importantly i listened to Ghost in St Peter's Basilica
#hazel's europe vacation#i was up at fucking Five Thirty In The Morning. we were in line to get into the vatican museum before 8am. i have been on my feet since then#it's currently quarter to noon (we sat down for lunch a little bit ago)#my feet and legs fucking hurt and i had to wear an ankle/shin length skirt the whole time because of the dress code#(my only pants that go below my knees are black yoga pants and jeans so the skirt i borrowed from adrian was actually the good outcome)#ALSO#I AM STILL GETTING OVER A SORE THROAT. THIS IS THE 3RD DAY OF IT. THE FUCKING MOLD GOT ME ON THE LAST MORNING IN THE PREVIOUS HOTEL#and i physically could not get more than 7 hours of sleep last night and i also had a minor breakdown last night. im fine though#just got tired and overwhelmed but now that the hard part for today is over i'm happy
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Scientists: want so badly for adult children who are friends with and/or still dependant on parents for money or a roof to be Bad that they are intentionally looking for detriment in the study results
Study results: so overwhelmingly positive they can't actually find the data needed to twist the narrative
Scientists: >:|
#i read an article#the article was pro kid/parent friendship and dependance bc MANY studies have shown that's beneficial to both sides#but people want SO BADLY to believe the fiction of Independence and it's necessarity that they think parents who still#care about and frequently talk to their grown kids are causing codependency and setting them up for failure and like#not inherently#living with my mother was super beneficial and i still would be if he wasn't anti ever living in MO again and i anti livinf in TX until#it's again a state i can comfortably live in as a trans person#like if i lived with my dad and step mom there'd be reason to question bc while he's gotten better she's just as bad#and expects me to sit down and take emotional abuse and revisionist history from my father's memories of abusive days#whereas dad will thank me for calling him out once he gets over the understandable moment of hurt in realizing what he thoughr was helping#one of his kids was actually hugely painful and detrimental#but also me asking my father for money isn't a danger to my independence it's a sign of the failure of the system#it's not a ''failure to launch'' it's a 'the system and economy are so broken it is literally impossible to get on your feet on your own'#like come off it#look at other societies and multigenerational homes#are they suffering for it? no! then why would we be????#like if you raise a child and all but evict them from your life when they're 18 then like. do you actually love them? do you actually care?#or did you feel like children was an obligation and now it's over and they only matter for holidays and birthdays?#bc the latter is much more of an issue than adult kids '''''boomeranging''''''
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Yall i've spent the past 6 hours making a (nearly) to scale bonnethead shark sculpture. Also I have to wake up for school in 5 hours
#2ND LAYER AND BACK FINS TOMORROW ‼️#my back hurts so bad#I also didn't do my homework so now im speedrunning it#but Im super excited and am really enjoying working on her#also I watched The Shining for the 1st time while working on this#neat movie! gonna read the book when I get the chance#also I say nearly to scale cause shes 22 inches long and bonnetheads tend to be between 2-4 feet#so shes just a bit smaller then average but still in range#rambles#wowie look at that
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