#(my only pants that go below my knees are black yoga pants and jeans so the skirt i borrowed from adrian was actually the good outcome)

[hazellight11]

Downside: I am in pain

Upside: listened to Ghost inside Saint Peter's Basilica. Also learned a lot and saw a lot of stuff like statues and paintings and the sistine chapel but more importantly i listened to Ghost in St Peter's Basilica

[slowlymadeart]

[Image 1 Description:  A Crowd of people, all colored blue, with the label "Interneters" on them. To the left of the crowd a young man stands out. He is a repeat character. We'll call him "The Interneter." He has dark brown skin, short light blue dread-locks. He wears a burgundy colored hoodie, a dark teal V-neck shirt, and dark bluish-grey jeans. The Interneter says "You never told us what a "Spoonie" is."

To the middle right is Rachel, we can only see to the bottom of her shirt for now. (She has pale white skin, short and messy blonde hair, teal shirt with ferns printed on each side, Maroon shorts, light cyan thigh-high stocking with cut outs of leaves on them, maroon shoes). Rachel, smiling wearily, looking right at us, holding her index finger up:"Well, you could just google it. But hey, what the heck? Why pass up an opportunity to be the first person who tells you what it means?" 

We see Rachel again on the lower left side, smiling while raising an eyebrow, holding her left hand to her face, and her right hand out towards us: "Ya  ready?" 

The crowd lines the bottom of the image. The Interneter stands in the middle, with a speech bubble above "Yes." and a speech bubble to his bottom right, "That's why we asked."]

[Image 2 Description: There is a lavender square at the top of this image, on it is the text:  "Spoonie" comes from a disability metaphor first described in a 2003 essay by christine miserandino called "The Spoon Theory" in which she tells the story of trying to explain to a friend what it feels like to have lupus, using spoons as visual representation of her daily energy. She actually handed her friend a bouquet of spoons and said: "

Below Christine, a white woman with long brunette hair, a white headband, purple dress shirt and jeans, holds out a sparkling bouquet of spoons saying "Here you go". 

Below this we see her down on one knee. To her right her friend, female, brown skin, long braided dark brunette hair with a reddish tint, blue over-all dress, and teal leggings, sits on a stool holding the spoons Christine handed her.

"You have Lupus." Christine says, to which her friend nervously responds "Haha, whaaat?...... Please explain."]

[Image 3 Description: Another lander square fills the top of this image, on it is a quote from Christine's Essay,  "Most people start  the day with unlimited amounts of possibilities- energy to do whatever they desire...for the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions...I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have something else being in control." 

Below Christine sits alone, her legs "criss-cross". She is smiling at us and holds a giant spoon. Around her are little blurbs in purple text, "Might actually own a giant spoon" "Has done awesome advocacy work" "Read more at butyoudontlooksick.com (if you want to)"]

[Image 4 Description: a chart titled "How Spoon Theory Works". A single spoon equals a unit of energy that a person can use safely. On the left is "spoon cost per activities" on the right is icons to show the activities.

1 spoon; Getting out of bed, taking medications, changing clothes. 2 spoons; Watching a tv show, a microwavable meal, using the internet.3 spoons; Enagaing in a small activity like art, cleaning something, making a meal that required stove or oven.4 spoons; Taking a shower, leaving your home, socializing.

Narration text: Why use it? I'll let this quote by a doctor who was originally using buckets of water (???) with patients explain. "Using analogies and/or metaphors...can help clinicians and patients' loved ones get a better understanding of the impact of specific activities on a patient." (John Hopkins Neurologist Scott Newsome, DO, on the topic of "Spoon Theory")]

[Image 5 Description: The Interneter is looking worried, sweating. He says to Rachel,

"Oh wait, so I have major depression disorder, insomnia, and ADHD. During my last episode, I was barely able to make it to one class a day, and maybe get one meal. My insomnia felt uncontrollable. I ran out of mental brain power for my classes, but I still attempted as much class work as I could, even if my brain couldn't fully show up. Don't get me wrong- I still tried, so hard. Even if I was too depressed to feel things like 'normal' I still wanted to be embracing my college life. I feel like spoon theory would have really helped me in times like those. Especially since I haven't found an antidepressant that works on me yet. I know it's not like what you go through, like chronic physical illness. I wouldn't want to make less of your experience or appropriate this term. I'm just wondering if-"

 Rachel, looking calm, finding The Interneter endearing and smiling slightly, "Your experiences are just as valid and the level of impact your depression has absolutely qualifies you as a spoonie."]

[Image 6 Description: Narration text  "Today  a spoonie is someone with a condition that causes limited amounts of physical and/or cognitive energy, such as chronic illness, mental illness, or disability. It's also used by neurodivergents who deal with persistent energy limitations."

Below sits 4 girls all smiling, waving, and looking at us, left to right; The first girl has an average frame, tan skin, long navy blue hair, a maroon hat, faded pink pants, a blue/purple/lavender striped shirt, and cutting scar on her arms. Second girl is Kitt, she was in another comic, she has a plus sized frame, dark brown skin, shoulder length curly/dark brown hair. she wears a teal dress with white strips, a waist long blue jacket, blue shoes, her left left is a purple prosthetic. Third girl, she is Asian, very light but still tan skin, with black hair in cut in a pixie style. She has on a white sweat shirt that has lavender sleeves and a salmon color at the bottom, in the center is the rainbow infinity sign for neurodivergence. She has on mint pants and wear white and salmon colored sneakers. On the floor below them sits Rachel. 

Narrative text "Not all of us are literally measuring out energy in terms of spoons, but having such a metaphor is extremely helpful."]

[Image 7 Description: Narrative text "Spoon Theory embraces acknowledgment of a condition's control, which is weirdly liberating because this reminds a person:"

Girl number 3 is on the right is whispering to The Interneter "Lack of control isn't proof of personal weakness. You don't have to beat yourself up for experiencing your condition." 

"I know that. . ." the interneter says shyly, blushing and smiling.

"Do you though?" Rachel says from the left.

Below her is girl number one. "Do u? I've been doing this for 13 years and even I forget sometimes."]

[Image 8 Description: Narrative text "For young people in particular, spoonie is the first word a person may use when starting to rewrite what their life with their condition could look like."

The Interneter lays flat on his bed, we see him from the side looking hopeful "Having to live life this way isn't easy, but I want to make it work."

Below we see he is centered on his bed holding 1 spoon, "especially since I'm still having that episode of depression." On the right side his words continue "I didn't say anything because I was afraid of messing up the flow of the comic."]

[Image 9 Description: Narrative text "Spoons can be a silly thing to associate with possibly not having enough energy to manage basic survival activities, which is one reason some don't bother using the term at all. Still, it's easier to say,"

A woman, standing in the center of the image with a long purple dress, short brunette hair, and a purple walking cane, holds a hand to her chest smiling "I'm a spoonie!"

To her left is a large man all in red, hand on his hips smiling, "My own experiences of feeling tired helps me empathize with you. You make me feel validated."

To her right is a little girl colored pink "Spoons are good!"

Next to her is a woman in maroon "Such a cute and positive take!"

At the bottom of the image narrative text says "Rather than bring folk's moods down with-"]

[Image 10 description:  "My body is disabled! Living an existence with a condition that is unpredictable and invisible sometimes breaks my brain! Please don't shut me out until I'm "Fixed". Just respect my limits." Rachel says, now in the center of the people instead of the purple-dressed spoonie. She sits in her wheelchair with legs up, holding her arms out, her expression is crying yet smiling.

The large man to her left has his arms folded, now very uneasy "How do I tell apart your "disability" from excuses, self pity, and faking stuff? And who sits in a wheelchair like that?"

On the right the little pink girl is crying, her maroon mother bending down to hold her. "Isn't "Disabled" bad?" the girl ask.

Her mother responding "Nothing we need to worry about, sweetie. There are plenty of programs that think of the disabled so we don't have to."

Narrative text, "Yes. Spoonie can at times feel detached just enough from harsh reality to ease people's discomforts."] 

[Image 11 Description: Narrative text:” Perhaps detached enough for misguided normies to think,”

A young woman standing in the center with one hand on her hip and one raised with her index finger pointed upwards says "Hey! I feel like I have limited energy to! I like this "spoons" idea. It will help me be mindful and proactive with my energy! I'm a spoonie now!"

She is white woman with tanned skin, long bleach blonde hair in a pony-tail, wearing grey yoga pants and a green tang top.  On her tang top are the words "Has no condition is just human".  

To her left Girl number 3, Kitt, and Rachel are huddled looking at the woman. “Don't-” says girl number 3. "Oh no, wait-" says Kitt. "You're not one now, but hey, you'll be one of us eventually. No need to rush." says Rachel.

On the left is a young hipster male all in orange "You're just a product of obsessive online health trends." He calls out. 

Narrative text "Let's hope it doesn't turn into the 'snuggie' of disability lingo.]

[Image 12 description: Narrative Text: "Now, being disabled by a condition, especially it's fatigue aspect, doesn't mix well with the 'hyper-productive' narrative that today's society puts out." 

A Pinkish-maroon leg with the words 'society that doesn't fully realize the systemic harm of it's ableism' on it, kicks a stick figure of the Interneter high up into the air in a Team Rocket fashion.

 "Looks like having problems with my human body is causing me to be considered less of a human agaaiinn!!!" The interneter says, surrounded by anime sparkles. 

Narrative Text "Still, being active, productive, and accepted by some form of community, lay the foundations for self-confidence and a sense of worth. Contributing online is one way even the most debilitated amount us have managed a version of that foundation."]

[Image 13 Description: Narrative text: "Disabled communities are sources of support, love, guidance, and empowerment built upon collaboration, inclusion, and knowledge. They help bring together people with a willingness to listen, because they all know the value in feeling heard."

Two horizontal rows of a diverse group of people with disabilities, drawn to show them all in bed,  all interacting with each other like the would if the were together in person. Below each person is an awareness ribbon to indicate the condition(s)they have.

 From left to right, top row; A young woman with very dark brown skin, black hair in a bun, is looking concerned and reaching for a young man in the row below her. He is black with slightly lighter skin, very short hair, a 5 o'clock shadow, wearing glasses. He is reach towards her with is left arm, his right arm is curled due to his medical condition.  Next in the top row, a  Young woman with curly brown hair, tan skin, glasses, and cutting parts on her arms is smiling and being handed a book by a young white male with Downs-Syndrome, he hair short light brown hair and glasses.  A young woman with tan skin, glasses, wearing a hijab, has a pink prosthetic arm holding a piece of paper, and is using her other arm to hold hands with the person she is smiling/talking with- a thin non-binary with short blue pixie hair and braces on her elbows and right arm. This person is also holding a piece of paper, eyes shut from laughing, with happy tears coming from their eyes.

Bottom row; Next to the young man with dark skin, is a plus-sized woman with white skin, her hair is deep violet in a pixie cut. She is holding a yellow ribbon, looking concerned and speaking a "?" as she taps the should of the girl next to her. This girl is Asian with black hair in a short ponytail, she looks back at the woman with the ribbon, her arms are on the back of the next woman, whom she is comforting. This woman has medium dark skin, half her head is shaved, the other is short navy blue dreadlocks. She is curled up and crying, below her is a yellow ribbon next to a purple one. The young man on her left has his left arm around her, and has a sympathetic expression, talking with the woman to try and provide comforting. He has tan skin and short curly brown hair, with short curly brown facial hair. 

Narrative text: "Spoonies are just one part of this collective, their efforts displaying that a condition's control isn't proof of weakness, as if can exist even along side massive amounts of inner strength."]

[mizukiri]

Penny Dreadful Prologue

Before language and time existed before Heaven and Earth, darkness was all that It knew. Just a formless void of nothingness with no curves, edges or lines, it felt nothing about the void, nothing ill or joyful, but It felt a longing. It felt a desire—a Loneliness. And so It split in two, a divine blinding light became, and equal half of all there was, is, and ever could be, and neither knew who came first, the rooster or the egg. They did not care because they had each other. Before they created together, they were together, equals to one another. Eventually, they made language, their children used it, and words like He and She came to be. They had their favourites, their relational ups and downs, but Neither were alone; they could satiate each other. 

  Until they couldn't. 

Until He grew distant and wanted to create alone. 

But that- that is another story. And yet, that story is like a stone skipping across the surface of the water, mirroring the story you are about to hear—and mirroring one of the oldest stories, the tale of love. 

Time heals all wounds, in the end. But this is not the end for us. His end was our beginning.

Some stories are so compelling that they ripple through time, touching people throughout eons, changing slightly. But never enough.

This is their story. 

     .

JANUARY 7TH

.

Shave and a haircut, two bits, reverberates throughout a Greenwich Village loft. Exhaling her cigarette (an action closely resembling a sigh), a tall olive-skinned woman whom most would assume is in her early twenties stands and stretches. She saunters over to the door. She looks through the peephole to see a curly-haired brunette standing on the other side.

"Penny S.?" The short woman in large-framed cat-eyeglasses asks, holding up her phone. "I'm here about the roommate ad?" 

The door opens an inch, dark eyes peering at her from behind it before they seem to speak. "Let me guess, spring semester N.Y.U.?" 

The stranger in front of Penny blinks twice and flushes. "The New School." 

Penny groans before closing the door and taking the chain off the latch before opening it fully. "Strike one."

Cat-eyed Frames ducks her head in greeting and half-waves before walking into the loft apartment before she slips her shoes and her backpack off by the door. Penny watches her quietly; her arms crossed over her tank top. 

"Holy shit." Escapes Frames mouth as she stands up, taking in her surroundings. The loft is easily over 2200 square feet. There is a bathroom to her left as Frames enters, a modest kitchen to her right, and an island to separate it from the rest of the open space. They move around a dark wooden dining room table stacked full of tomes and books that look like they belong in a university library. 

"Sorry— just it's even more amazing than what I was expecting."

Penny rolls her eyes, but Frames is blissfully unaware as she walks around the loft, her hand tracing a pattern on the kitchen island. Penny wanders over and perches herself back in the armchair she had been sitting on before the interruption. The lithe woman reaches for her cigarette and inhales before placing it back in the ashtray beside a small expresso cup. She exhales and picks up an exotic curved blade and her apple before she begins to slice wedges. Behind the chair is three floor-to-ceiling windows narrowly separated by red brick. Beyond the kitchen is a shared wall completely obscured by bookcases overflowing. 

Frames regards Penny calmly, taking in the two messy buns that look like they belong on a child, not a twenty-something-year-old woman. Booty shorts and a tank top seem to be all that she's wearing outside a black stoned ring on her left hand.

"How can you afford this?" 

"I can't." Penny points out with her knife towards Frame's phone, still in her hand, "Hence the ad." 

Frames intrigues Penny. She's used to girls wearing Uggs and yoga pants answering her roommate ad, only to last a few months at best. This one is different.

"I didn't catch your name." Penny offers, lifting an apple slice to her mouth before resting her head on her knees.

"Nevaeh." 

A giggle washes over Penny long and full of mirth, but again Frames blushes.

"Oh, you're not kidding. Well that's… unfortunate." 

Nevaeh shifts uncomfortably on the couch. "I could change it—  if it's another one of your strikes." 

Penny shrugs lazily at her. "Hey man it's not for me to judge you based on your name. TRUST me. If you want to change it, change it for yourself. But just to be clear, your parents sound like the worst."

Nevaeh laughs. "That's a little too easy to deduce isn't it? After all, don't most of us flock here to New York to get away from them?"

Penny's heart skips a beat. If you only knew.

"What about you? Do you go to school?" Nevaeh asks, her eyes roving the apartment's layout. To her left, a staircase leads up to a second-story loft where she assumes the rooms are. Her eyes meet Penny, whose back is to the floor to ceiling windows, most of the space filled with bookshelves full of books and interesting looking weapons that couldn't possibly be real decorate the walls.

"I am a private investigator." Penny murmurs, picking up an expresso cup beside her ashtray and takes a sip. 

"How many tenants?"

"Just me."

Nevaeh laughs, beginning to unzip her jacket and remove it. 

"What?" Penny inquires.

"A woman in her twenties lives alone in a Greenwich Village loft inside a building that values rent at over five thousand a month. And you are asking for less than a tenth of that for my portion?"

Rolling her shoulders, Trixie reaches over for her drink to take another sip of it.

"That is correct if we both choose to move forward with this arrangement."

"Do you always keep it this warm?"

"Is that a problem?"

"Not if I don't have to pay for it."

"No the price listed is all inclusive."

"That sounds, like a dream. This whole thing sounds like a dream." Nevaeh stares around the apartment wistfully. 

Penny snorts a small laugh and shakes her head. "Look I think I may like you, against my better judgement, so I'm going to be honest with you. For the last few girls it has been more of a nightmare than a dream. I'm pithy, and sometimes vile. I swear like a sailor and I smoke in the loft. I come and go at all hours, I forget personal boundaries, if you leave chocolate, cake, or chocolate cake in the fridge I will eat it." 

Nevaeh nods and narrows her eyes at the woman in front of her. "You say against your better judgement. We've spent maybe two minutes together. What have you gotten from me so far?"

"Well you yelled my name outside our apartment, which tells me you're naïve and not from the area, since you're obviously not a cop. You took you're shoes off at the door which rules out more of the states, giving me the impression you're possibly Canadian. You're clothing is simple but timeless, made with quality fabrics which tells me while you don't have much to your name, you're aware of the difference between quality and not quantity. Your name screams that your parents were millennials, but ones who must have valued the arts given your choice of school."

Nevaeh reaches over to the coffee table and takes an apple from the bowl before leaning back and crossing her legs underneath her on the couch.

"Want to know what I've gleaned in the last two minutes?" She asks before biting into the fruit.

"What's that?"

Nevaeh just smiles, "you said 'our' apartment."

.

FEBRUARY

.

"Damn it, Penny close the door!" Nevaeh's heart skips a beat as she walks in on Penny going to the washroom. She turns around and raises her eyes to the sky, towels and bathrobe in hand.

"I'm just peeing Vaeh, you're fine." 

"I don't think you're grasping my point!" Vae squeaks. When she hears the toilet flush, she turns around to see Penny doing up her jeans. 

"You said boundaries." Vaeh pleads; Penny shrugs and simpers as she glides past her before Vae adds, "believe me, if you keep pressing, I will release the floodgates and you won't know what hit you."

Vaeh goes to close the door behind her now that she's alone to enjoy her bath. She hears Penny start the espresso machine for the fifth time that day; the percolation's sound causes a small epiphany.

"And wash your hands!"

"I just PEED!"

"Don't be gross or I'll start calling you PigPen!" Vae finishes barking down to Penny on the floor below. Before she closes the door, she listens and is rewarded by hearing the kitchen tap spring to life.

"That's what I thought," she mutters more to herself than anyone as she closes the door to draw herself a bath.

The next morning as she starts the coffee maker for their first pot of coffee, Vae sees Penny's ring sitting on the sink beside the tap. She picks it up and examines it, realizing it's neither new looking nor old, modern nor antique. The smooth black appears to be onyx, the band most likely platinum. Biting her lip, Vae looks around for a safe place to put it instead of right beside a very industrial drain. Walking upstairs, she finds one of Penny's hair elastics, loops the ring through and then walks into the hallway where there are hooks for hats and scarves. She places on a hook closest to Penny's door before heading off to school.

   ~***~

You have 31 unread text messages .

Vae's heart sinks and begins to scroll through a lengthy one-sided conversation Penny seemed to have been having with herself while Vae was in class.

She reads the last one first, as one tends to do upon opening the chat.

  PigPen | 3:32p.m.

I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, but please, PLEASE, just call me when you get this message. 

  PigPen | 3:30p.m.

/your room.

  PigPen | 3:28p.m.

I mean, I understand if that's what happened, but I just thought I should check in before I destroy this garburator by ripping it/the rest of the house apart trying to find it.

Vae autodials Penny before scrolling through the rest of the messages, and Penny answers in one ring.

"Pleasetellmeyouhaveseenmyring."

"It's on the hat hook closest to your room, on a hair elastic. You left it by the sink."

Vae listens to Penny scramble with the phone, up the stairs and an audible exhalation of relief before she returns to the call.

"I blame you for this." And Vae can sense there is some truth to her mocking yet biting tone.

"You're welcome." She returns in a sing-song voice, only to annoy Penny further. "Next-time, where would you like me to put it?"

"There shouldn't be a next time."

"Uh-huh."

.

MARCH

.

"Happy birthday!" Vae squeals, handing Penny a luxurious looking piece of chocolate cake with a single candle in it.

"You made this for me?" Penny inquires suspiciously.

"Of course!"

"How did you find out?"

"Through FaceFilm, that app keeps all your personal data. For someone so private I'm surprised you're even on it."

"It's for work... it helps with the investigating." 

"Right." Vae murmurs, watching as Penny continues to eye the cake. "One more year then your legal! Not that that's ever stopped you, did you know I thought you were like... twenty-two or something when I first met you? Aren't you going to make a wish?"

Penny closes her eyes and her lips tremble as though she's silently speaking the words so fiercely, they may erupt from her throat.

Then she opens them and quickly blows out the candle.

"What did you wish for?" Vae asks her, placing her own piece of cake down in front of her.

"More time." Penny murmurs before digging into the cake.

 ~***~

"Is that a sex swing?" Vaeh asks as she assesses Penny's room. 

"Can't it just be a swing Vae?" Penny doesn't seem to be too flustered by the question as she leans against the doorframe, her signature double buns replaced with a long raven ponytail, resting high on her head.

"Por qué no los dos?" Vae shrugs, jumping onto the bed as she flops into a sitting position. Their rooms are opposite one another, the bathroom they share between them, but after Vae passed the two-month mark, permission had been granted. It hasn't been easy, Penny was willing to compromise, and Vae laid tape down in areas of the living room where knives might fly past towards its target dummy at any given moment. Vaeh also has learned that Penny won't feed herself, but she gets hangry, making it easier to cook for her. Still, Penny is not without her virtues. 

"It's a gift from my stepmother. Besides, I'd have to be having sex for it to be both." She laments before flopping down beside her companion on the bed. 

Vaeh looks Penny up and down with an incredulous look, choosing whether to comment on the fact her stepmother gifted her a sex swing or, "You… have a hard time finding-" Vae wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, "Someone?" 

Penny smiles wistfully, "It's not like we're playing hide and seek Vae, but I don't make friends easily. It would require me to socialize with... people. And my upbringing while badass, was… complicated."

Vae has assumed that Penny came from money. The books, the clothes, the apartment. They eat and drink like broke students, but Nevaeh is acutely aware her roommate is taken care of in ways that she is not.

"So, what your saying is that ordinary people bore you?" Vae enquires.

"Yes? That sounds so petty." Penny whinges.

"Yeah, well, at least you're honest. Vae tells her, staring up at the ceiling. "Always."

"My sweet little bigot." It occurs to Vae that even though it is a 20-foot ceiling above them (the highest in the whole building, as they reside on the top floor), tiny greenish-yellow stickers are scattered in what she  thinks  might be constellation patterns. A sex swing was adequately bolted to the roof. Even with access to the right ladder, the project would have taken hours upon hours without some sort of divine intervention.

"My upbringing wasn't that badass," Vae murmurs.

"No, from the sound of things it wasn't."

"I'm no basic bitch though."

"Oh, I believe it." Penny laughs, "Otherwise, why would you live here with me?"

  .

MAY

 .

"Penny pleeeeease?" Vae begs; she is getting tired of dehydrated noodle cups and macaroni and cheese for supper.

"I said no Nevaeh." Penny sternly tells her, and Vaeh begins to pout. She crosses her arms over her chest and finds herself folding her legs underneath herself as she watches Penny continue to pick an outfit in the mirror.

"Come on, I seriously need your help. The Dior," and Penny holds up a black silk collared blouse, "Or this one, I think I got at H&M," and she shows her a heather grey cable knit that is similar in colour to the wool skirt she's got on. 

"Why should I help you get dressed for a fancy dinner that you get to go to, for free, when you won't even take me?"

"I take you for dinner on work ONE TIME."

"It was not one time." 

"I can't take you on every case."

"You're going to a fancier place?"

"No."

"Possibility you're coming home will blood all over you again?"

"... Hopefully not?"

"The black silk. It's from B.C.H."

And that's how Penny and Vaeh begin to categorize much of their life. There is now, and B.C.H. (Before CoHabitation), and as two people who don't have much or many, B.C.H. stuff doesn't work its way into everyday conversation frequently. Vaeh doesn't know what Penny used to do before they met, but now she spends her free nights walking Vaeh back from the corner market down the street from their loft. 

Vae's shift is over, she and Penny both with their free coffee in hand. They tend to talk about Vae's day more than Penny's, as Vae learned early into their friendship that Penny does not usually discuss much about her work as a private investigator. 

 .

JULY

 .

Tears are running down their faces as credits roll. They are lying in Penny's bed, where one of the two household televisions is located.

"Okay, breathe."

"Prometheus School of Running, oh my God," Vae chokes out, and Penny immediately shudders and rolls her eyes, the hair on the back of her neck standing up. 

"You okay?" Vae giggles, rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah, it's just, I have a weird reaction to hearing people take the lord's name in vain."

"Are you serious right now? You swear like a drunken sailor, on shore leave..."

"I don't think it's that bad." Penny counters.

"... In a brothel."

"Now you're just exaggerating."

"We are banned from that Macdonald's on 11th."

"Okay, but that eleven-year-old was a bully."

"You once used the word 'fuck' for every word in a sentence."

"Well that's my point exactly. Monty Python was not that far off in their assessment in the versatility of the word fuck."

"So is it that you believe in God?"

And Penny begins to laugh hysterically, bitterly almost. "You could, you could say that."

"Alright." Vaeh sighs her head, resting in her hand, taking in her weird, eccentric friend who has now established another parameter to their relationship.

"Alright?" Penny questions.

"Alright."

 .

AUGUST

.

Vaeh climbs the stairs to their fourth-floor loft, meeting with a delivery person leaving a note.

Penny's shouting can be heard on the other side of the door. 

"She not answering?" She asks.

"I knocked miss, and it's only her voice in there. I think she's on the phone."

Vae offers an apologetic smile. As she turns the keys and enters, she catches Penny's eyes, her shoulder pressed into her phone, giving her the ability to play with a knife, bright and silver (a personal favourite) in erratic short bursts.

"I don't give a flying fuck Linda, which, is rather apropos in this case, don't you think? He knows where I live; it's not like his name isn't on the deed."

Vae creates a peace sign towards Penny before turning the aforementioned fingers towards her eyes, then motioning across the room at Penny to force her attention.

"What?" And there is petulance in Penny's tone as she uses her free hand to hold her phone and give Vae her attention.

"You have registered mail." Vae whispers as if to try and give the caller and Penny privacy that has already been broken. 

"Just sign for me." Penny huffs, and then she's back on the phone. "What are you even talking about? "

Vae wants to tell her that this isn't how these things work. That the delivery person isn't going to allow Vae to sign for mail just that easily, but Penny is deeply invested in an argument once more, and the stranger at the door interrupts with a "Miss, can you can just sign x and type her name in."

"What?! " Penny clips out so pithy it sounds odd and catches Vae off guard. 

"How? WHY?" And Vaeh is now REALLY intrigued as she signs the package. Not many things can get Penny to use that many investigative words that closely in order, that she's now playing 'wh' word bingo in her mind.

"How long?" 

DOUBLE HOW! 

"I've been gone two years— "

Booo, you broke the chain after a double how? Boooooo...  Vae giggles internally as she closes the loft door, dumps the package on Penny's desk and slips her headphones on at her workstation.

Sometime later, after Vae has slipped her focus into the design she's creating, her head and shoulders bouncing as she plays with colour palettes, Penny crosses her field of vision. 

Vae slips the headphones off, "Hey roomie," she greets in a sing-song voice, "Who was that?"

She watches as Penny absent-mindedly fiddles with her ring. "My thera—  Linda."

"You have a thera-Linda too? Where do you keep yours?" Vae pantomimes looking around the apartment leerily before leaning in and whispering, "I keep mine in a drawer by my bed." 

"What?" Penny asks, caught off-guard.

"Exactly." Vae says and goes back to her monitor. Her shoulder-dance slowly begins once more even though she respects Penny enough to keep her headset off until she's done. 

"Linda was a family therapist and friend. She's like an aunt to me." 

"Ah, family problems." She murmurs as she watches Penny slip into the chair at her desk. 

"It's my stepdad. He's gone missing." 

Vae's attention is peaked now as she looks over at Penny, who is staring off into the middle distance. "Wow, are you okay?" 

"Yes," Penny's eyes go wide in realization. "Sorry, I should have explained. He does this from time to time. When my mom and he—   this one time." She looks at Vae with jaded eyes, seemingly confused as to what is holding her back.

"When I was little, he was known to bail when things got rough. When he and mom finally figured their literal prophetic shit out, he got better. He had his moments, but he genuinely tried. Now that my mom is gone. Well," Penny says, her eyes drifting down to the package that Vae had signed for. 

"I didn't know your mom was gone." Vae murmurs reaching over the desks and placing her hand on Penny's. 

"She is and she isn't. That's the worst part. She is and she isn't." Vae looks down at their hands and sees her thumb rubbing Penny's wrist. 

"So Lu—  Dad, Linda says he's not handling it well. Which, newsflash, no one is taking it well. But that's no reason to treat my stepmom and dad the way he has been, regardless of their previous problems. SPEAKING OF WHICH," Penny pivots, pulling her hand out and opening the package. 

"Let's see what the big-bad-momma-bear sent me this time." She takes one of the knives she uses as a letter opener, the sparkly handle painted bright.

No joy or recognition lights up Penny's face as she places the package down on her desk.

"What?" Vaeh asks, more interested than she ever has been with Penny's details about her life before their cohabitation.

Vae stands to look in the box and sees white, radiant feathers reflecting the light from the room back at them. There aren't many, only three, and they are covered in bright red dots of blood. 

"Say what you want about my parents," Vaeh finally speaks, her voice concerned, "but yours sound like the worst. "

  .

NOVEMBER

 .

Vae hears a clinking sound in the sink before she sees it, and her heart stops briefly as it casually rolls towards the garburator drain. Quickly, she snatches it out of the slow-motion moment she foresees it falling down towards a black abyss. 

Frustrated, she takes the ring and seeks vengeance on the woman who almost gave her a heart attack. 

She finds Penny in her room, a file named DROMOS, in her hand, GAUDIUM, MISC. LILLIM, CONSTANTINE on the bed. She's smoking and drinking, listening to piano-heavy dance music so loud that she couldn't hear Vae knocking on the door. 

"Penelope, I swear if I find this thing one more time—"

" I knew where it was." She tells her as she turns down the volume.

"It's no use to you down the drain!"

"It's no use to me period." Penny murmurs, and Vae feels a shriek almost bubbling within her, "just, take it, will you?!"

"I promise, no more hand washing."

 ~***~

"Are you not visiting anyone for Thanksgiving?" Vae enquires from the kitchen, the date looming closer and closer.

"No. Are you?" Penny asks, looking up from a case file she has sprawled out on her desk. Vaeh had answered the door at 7:30 a.m. this morning to receive it for her, forcing her signature since Penny was still fast asleep. As she has noticed before, it comes from Los Angeles. She had tossed it on her best friend's desk before hitting the button to the coffee machine and passing out on the couch while it brews, only to be woke by Penny a few hours after that.

"Canadian Thanksgiving is in October," Vaeh reminds her.

"Right. So you didn't, sorry." Penny murmurs, Vae dressed in pajama pants and a hoodie, shuffles over to her drafting table/computer desk hybrid that they set up on the opposite side of Penny's dark mahogany antique. She hands Penny a cup of coffee before flopping down into her chair.

"Kind of hard when they all live back west," Vae adds, reaching for her drawing tablet.

"Mmmm... mine too, at least those left." Penny adds as she opens her laptop.

Vae nods softly, files this extra information in the THINGS THAT EXPLAIN PENNY compartment of her mind.

.

DECEMBER 

.

The snow falls around them in puffy white clouds, a wind sending them sideways, enough of a nip to the air to have them be hustling back to their loft after dinner with some of Vae's classmates. Penny is still going on about the impending holidays.

"If neither of us see no point— "

"Can't afford." Vae interjects. 

"Oh so you're saying that if I paid for you, you would head back for the holidays then?"

"With your family, sure." Vae replies illusively. 

"No... that wasn't part of the question."

"Then what is our actual plan," Penny begins again, "because I cannot have dinner with your friends Rose and David twice in one month." 

"They have been the worst since they started listening to that new podcast. Sometimes they play it so loud when we are in the studios at school, I can't hear the instructor. I'm not," and Vae makes an awkward motion with her arms, "built to receive that much stimuli." 

"Do you even hear yourself sometimes?" Penny turns to Vae, her breath coming out in steam as they try to fight the cold. 

"Please, coming from the one with a sex swing in her room." 

"It's not used for sex!" Penny huffs, shoving her hands deeper into her pockets.

"Are you telling me you actually swing in it... just because?"

"Are you telling me you wouldn't?" 

"Pffft... I dunno." Vae begins, looking over at a heavily bundled up Penny, dark eyes peering out, "Christmas movie Marathon? But I mean, entertaining Christmas movies. Die Hard, Krampus, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Nightmare Before Christmas— "

"Gremlins?" Penny asks, hopefully.

 "Do you even have to ask?" Vae retorts. "Do you want to watch Zuzu's Petals?" 

"Is that the remake of It's a Wonderful Life?" Penny hesitantly asks.

"I don't know, I've never seen It's a Wonderful Life." They continue their trek towards their loft, the snow gently falling above them before Penny clears her throat.

"Look, I've been meaning to talk to you about something important— "

"Oh Pen, I thought I told you friends don't ask friends to come to their improve shows. "

"No! That's not what this is about, although it really hurts you won't even try. "

"What is this about then?"

"A couple of months ago when we had our Alien marathon— "

"— and I said oh my God and you got hella weird?"

"I did not get hella weird."

"You got sooooo weird. It was visceral! I watched you shudder."

"Do you believe in God?" Penny plows ahead; they're almost to their building. 

"What?" Vae is surprised by the line of questioning, "Why?" 

"I don't know, it just struck me. I never thought about your feelings or thought to ask. I just did kind of what I watched mostly everyone around me my entire life do and focus on my own feelings before realizing I should consider yours." She holds open the door for Vae, and they begin the climb up the stairs.

"No. Sort of? As an artist I've dabbled with the lore of Judeo-Christian theology but like, it's all stories to me. I think I'm agnostic."

"I think it's reasonable to want proof." Penny mutters. 

"Well if I was one for needing proof, I would have given up believing you were a P.I. months ago."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing! Nothing..." and Vae rolls her eyes towards the heavens before smirking a carefree grin at her. "I mean all those files you could just be a very thorough stalker."

"Stalking is essential to the job yes." Penny agrees before unlocking their front door and letting Vae through before walking through herself.

"And I imagine so are the arts, but that doesn't seem to inspire you to invite me along."

"The Arts?"

"Yeah like, sketching a suspect, or taking photographs. You know I covet your camera, and when I asked you about ISO and aperture, I could have sworn I saw you drool."

"Maybe I could use help with the camera."

"Maybe I could help you with the camera." 

    Hours later, when they are both in sleep clothes and are sitting on the couch, finishing their tasks for the night before heading to bed, Penny signals to Vae she wants to talk to her. Vae puts her pencil down and pulls her headphones off.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come with me on a job."

"Saywhat?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to come with me on a j—"

"Okay, so you said what I thought I heard you say. When? Why?"

"Or forget it, you can stay here."

Vaeh throws a pillow at Penny's head, which Penny spears with her knife reflexively. She pulls the knife out and puts the pillow behind her back as though it were entirely natural behaviour.

"Just a few questions, how good are you at drawing someone from memory?"

 ~***~

The P.I. and the Artist are at a frat party, scoping the crowd. Vae has her arm looped through Penny's, sipping from a solo cup that Penny had procured for her when they entered. They tend to stay tethered together in situations like this, but Vae is barely focusing on Penny's conversation, and some frat dudes are having. If she must draw any of these faces later, she knows she needs to study their features, read their eyes, soak up the details. 

"I'm a private investigator," Penny yells above the music's obnoxious noise to the guy in front of her, her leather jacket groaning with her movements.

Vae's is in the backpack that she brought, containing her pencils and sketchbook; their winter-wear is also stored there. Vae imagines she must look like a hunchback currently, and two men have offered to take it for her, but she'd like to be able to leave at a moments notice and get home without freezing to death, so instead, she continues to look like a clinging humped sidekick to her attractive best friend.

"Oh yeah, so like… do you catch people cheating and shit?" the guys all laugh nervously. Two dude’s high-five as Vae rolls her eyes and continues to nurse her drink. One of the frat bro's winks at her. The party has a strict rule on no phones and even had checked the two of them at the door. Vae's been to parties with no phones before done to encourage people to mingle, but this must be one of her the most boring places she's ever endured it. 

"Cheating and shit is below my paygrade." Penny informs him. Vaeh hyper focuses on this part of the conversation while pretending to be caught in the song. She doesn't know much about many of Penny's cases, but she can agree that seems to be out of Penny's wheelhouse. 

"So, what then?"

"Bounty reconnaissance, sometimes enforcement." Penny adds an eerie smile on her face, her eyes flash darkly, and she looks the most intimidating she has since Vae first met her.

Vaeh is confused at her sudden mood shift until—

"So, if you don't remove your hand," Penny's voice drips cold, "you'll see what kind of enforcement I'm capable of."

 ~***~

"How much longer?" 

Penny narrows her eyes as she continues to look for her target. The bros and the dudes are all high fiving each other loudly while a bunch of partnered sorority girls giggle in a corner. 

"Trust me, this is not how I want us to spend our Friday night." Penny smiles at her briefly. 

"As long as we don't get assaulted—"

"— again."

"— assaulted again. Or roofied. Or both in that unfortunate order." Vae murmurs.

"I figured we would do some reconnaissance for an hour top. If the bounty appears you get a good look, treat you to free drinks, then we can do whatever you want. If you want to go home and get drunk off box wine and binge watch horror films, you just say the word and I'll spend a whole twenty on the booze."

"Penny Espinoza we don't need four boxes of cheap wine."

"Two each?"

"You do you, but I'll stick to one. My final assignments are due in a week."

They both fall silent for a few minutes, each getting lost in their thoughts.

"You said you enforce bounties." Vaeh starts, "Is that what all the knives are for?"

"Not always," Penny answers illusively.   

Penny's eyes fall on the stairs as a frat-bro begins a drunken stagger down the stairwell, and she notices his pallor colour and blood flowing from his left ear.   

"Wait here."  

Vaeh scrunches her face at her roommate, and "What, wait? Why would I wait, I have to see his face if I'm going to draw him."  

Penny continues to follow the possible dead frat-dude as he makes his way to the frat house door and slips out into the night. As she slips between the partygoers, Penny's one hand reaches for the door handle as the other slides behind her back for her blade.   

There are still too many people around in the front yard, but the drunken dead dude (triple D?) is down the sidewalk and heading into the park.  

"Go home, Vaeh." Penny calls out, "The scope of this assignment has changed entirely."  

"You can't just ask me to come with you on a job then tell me to go home, essentially leaving me stranded forty blocks away from it in this Den of Rohypnol." Vaeh catches her and grabs her arm.   

"I doubt that you're at risk." Penny scoffs.  

Vaeh winces, her feelings hurt as she takes a step backwards from her friend. "Wow. Nice Penelope. Real nice."  Vaeh had already removed the winter attire from her backpack and throws Penny her gloves watching as Penny catches them gracefully. She drops the bag as she slips on her peacoat.  

"I don't have time for this!" Penny finds herself begging.   

"Then let's go." Vae holds out her hand in a gesture that indicates that Penny should lead the way.    

Penny growls in frustration and stomps off ahead of Nevaeh, shoving her hands deep into her leather jacket. Vaeh exhales shakily and picks up the bag, placing it on her back before doing the same with her own hands.   

The shorter of the two watches her friend speed walk ahead, trying to make up the difference, but the triple D hasn't managed to get very far away from them.   

She shakes her head and looks down at her feet, leaving imprints in the snow.  

Vae hears it before seeing it; it sounds like a strong wind whooshing around her head, her curls getting caught behind her glasses. When she manages to pull them out of her face and looks up, she stops in her tracks.   

[mamabearcat]

All Fired Up Ch 7

Double the size of my usual chapters for this fic - an early gift for Nalu week. Hope you enjoy it. And if you’d prefer, here’s the link to fanfiction.net

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4, Ch 5 , Ch 6

“Okay, so spill. What’s going on between you and Natsu?”

 Lucy made an indistinct noise, nearly snorting her strawberry milkshake out her nose. Wendy had dragged her to the mall this morning on the pretext of ‘girl time’ and so far, it had been great. First stop had been to ‘Polish Me Pretty’ for mani pedi’s, then they’d had fun looking around a Japanese dollar store, both leaving with a bag full of cute and kitschy things they hadn’t known they needed until they saw them. They were now taking a break from shopping at a café, and Lucy was feeling relaxed and happy. Wendy’s question had caught her totally unprepared.

 Lucy gulped down the mouthful of milkshake threatening to choke her and licked her lips, placing the metal container down on the table next to her half-eaten donut. “Uh, what do you mean Wendy? We’re the same as always.”

 Wendy rolled her eyes, noisily slurping her chocolate milkshake through the straw. “Yeah, sure you are. You’ve been dancing around each other for the past two days. Natsu blushed when you handed him his coffee this morning.” Her eyes sparkled and the corners of her lips curled up in a knowing grin. “It’s so obvious. You like each other, don’t you? Are you gonna go out with him?”

 Lucy’s eyes widened. What should she say? “Um… we do like each other, but…”

 Wendy squealed excitedly, bouncing a little in her seat across from Lucy, her long blue pigtails bouncing with her. A few café patrons glanced at them curiously as Lucy frantically waved her hand and shushed her. “Wendy! Calm down! This is embarrassing!” Wendy giggled behind her hand at Lucy’s frantic expression.

 “I’m sorry”, she grinned, “but I’m just so happy for you both!” She planted her elbows on the table and leaned forward. “So, are you going out on a date?”

 Lucy smiled back, nodding shyly, twirling the straw of her milkshake absentmindedly between her fingers as she took another sip. “Yes, Natsu’s asked me, but we haven’t decided when or where yet.” She snorted. “Hopefully it won’t be anywhere too fancy, it’s not like I’ve got a wide variety of clothes to choose from at the moment.” She glanced down at the pale pink yoga pants and loose t-shirt she was wearing. She’d bought a few more outfits online as she’d been paid, but she’d aimed for comfort rather than style as her injuries healed.

 Wendy clapped her hands together, a look of determination on her face. “Alright! We’re in just the right place! Let’s go shopping and buy you a date outfit Lucy! My treat!”

 Lucy spluttered. “Wendy! I couldn’t possibly let you buy me an outfit!”

 “Sure you can”, announced Wendy airily. ���And it’s not like I’m giving you a choice anyway.” She grinned again. “You two are good for each other Lucy. I can’t think of anyone that Natsu’s been so blatantly head over heels for, ever. And if little cuz Wendy can help smooth the path of true love with a bit of clothes shopping, who are you to stop me?” She looked down at Lucy’s plate. “You better eat that up – the way I shop, you’re gonna need the energy!” she teased.

 ________________________________________________________________

 Lucy frowned as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She’d didn’t consider herself a vain person. She had always liked clothes, and had taken pride in her appearance, but her self-esteem had never really depended on how she looked. Or so she had thought. But now she was second guessing the outfit that she and Wendy had so much fun picking out together.

 The floral skater skirt she’d fallen in love with on sight and Wendy had bought as part of her ‘date outfit’ was a perfect fit, the soft fabric falling to mid-thigh in flattering folds against her slim legs. She still loved the skirt, but that wasn’t the problem. She looked below the hem of the skirt at the mostly healed burn scars on the front of her thighs. Her pale skin had always scarred easily – she had a weird shape on one thumb where a pelican had bit her when she was a toddler, and a star shaped pattern on her knee where she’d come off her bike. But these scars – these would take some getting used to. They were obvious against her lightly tanned skin, the mixture of pale and darker pink looking even more vivid than usual, lit by the afternoon sunshine streaming in her bedroom window. She tugged at the hem of her skirt. Maybe she should have bought over the knee socks to wear with it. But that would still have left scars uncovered. And it wasn’t like Natsu didn’t know her legs were scarred, but… She chewed her thumb nail, unsure about her reflection.

 Her shirt was white and sleeveless, with a cute peter pan collar. The skin coloured pressure sleeves on her arms were ugly, but she planned to hide them under a light cardigan, so that wasn’t really a problem. Her blonde hair was caught back in a loose braid with a few soft pieces around her face, and she’d kept her makeup simple and natural looking. She looked at her legs again. She really had wanted to look nice when she went out with Natsu and had picked this skirt for their date because it was so different to the loose unisex outfits that he’d seen her in since leaving the hospital.

 “Hey Lucy?” Wendy’s voice filtered through her closed bedroom door. “Natsu just messaged me – he said he was running a little late, but he got changed at work and will be home in ten.”

 “Okay, thanks Wendy.” Lucy sighed. No time to change now. She sat down on her bed to pull on her tan suede ankle boots. She would really have to pay Wendy back. The younger girl had got so excited buying her an outfit that Lucy hadn’t had the heart to tell her to stop, but shoes as well as the clothes was really too much. She stroked the soft suede, trying to calm the nervous butterflies somersaulting in her stomach. Natsu hadn’t really even told her what he had planned. Just that he wanted to take her out on Friday evening after he got home from work. She pulled on the baby blue cardigan with small heart shaped buttons, also soft to touch. It was still Summer, but the evenings were starting to get chilly.

 She heard a soft knock on her door. “Lucy, can I come in?”

 “Sure Wendy,” she said, adding her wallet, tissues, keys and lip gloss to the small satchel style leather handbag that she’d bought online.

 Wendy’s head poked around the door, her long blue hair shimmering as the sunlight hit it. “Ooh, Lucy, you look lovely!” she exclaimed, stepping into the room. She made a circling movement with her forefinger, and Lucy obediently twirled for her, tugging her skirt downwards as she did so. Wendy gave her an encouraging smile.

 “Lucy, the scars will fade”, she said gently. “You’re beautiful. And it’s not like Natsu’s not covered in scars either you know.”

 Lucy’s eyes widened. “He is?”

 Wendy snorted. “Guess you’re not up to that part of the relationship yet huh?” she sniggered. “He got them in a house fire when he was younger – tried to climb through a broken window that was too small and cut up his side really badly on the glass. Sliced his neck too. He had so many stitches – I tried to count them while he was in hospital, but I was only four – I couldn’t count high enough.” They both turned at the sound of a key in a lock as the front door opened, and Wendy smiled again. “Speak of the devil!”

 Lucy took one deep breath, then walked out into the lounge room where Natsu had just sat down on the sofa to wait for her. He looked like a nervous wreck; his unkempt pink hair even messier than usual as he ran his fingers through his fringe. He’d dressed nicely, wearing his ‘good’ jeans and leather boots, and a slim fitting black polo shirt that she hadn’t seen before that accentuated his muscular frame. He jumped to his feet as soon as he saw her.

 “Lucy, I’m so sorry I’m late, I left my wallet at the station when I got changed and I had to go back and…”

 Lucy smiled at him, feeling most of the butterflies that had been teasing her stomach settle one by one. It helped that he was nervous too, that he understood the weight of this step they were taking together. She giggled.

 “Natsu, you’re babbling.” Lucy reached out her hand and squeezed his fingers. “It’s just me, remember?” She tugged on his hand and he chuckled.

 “Yeah, I know. I’ve just never been great at this date stuff. But I put a lot of thought into this and I really want you to have a good time tonight Lucy.” He took in her outfit appreciatively. “You look gorgeous, by the way”. The last of Lucy’s butterflies took flight, leaving only excitement behind.

 “Thank you Natsu. You look good too. And of course I’ll have a good time, silly. I’m with you.” Lucy beamed at him, giggling at the pink dusting his cheeks. They both did their best to ignore Wendy cooing in delight at their mutual compliments in the background.

 “Have fun you two!” she teased. “Don’t stay out too late, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

 Natsu mock glared at Wendy and took a deep breath. “Alright, let’s get this show on the road Lucy. I hope you’re feelin’ hungry!”

 ________________________________________________________________

 Natsu parked his little Datsun near the town centre and they strolled down the main street, hand in hand, the sunset dusting everything with a rosy glow. Long shadows tilted in front of them, making giants out of everyday objects. Natsu squeezed Lucy’s hand as they rounded the corner, and Lucy squeezed back and smiled, relishing the warmth of Natsu’s palm against hers. His hands were always warm.

 “I read lots of reviews, and this place is meant to make the best spicy hot pot in Magnolia”, said Natsu excitedly, licking his lips. “I’ve been wanting to try out this place for ages, and this seemed like the perfect night. I can’t wait!” He gestured proudly with his hand to a Sichuan Chinese restaurant called Rising Embers, the windows painted with stylized red dragons.

 “Um, Natsu? It’s closed.”

 Natsu turned, glancing at the doorway in confusion. “But it can’t be! I called and made a booking this morning!” He let go of Lucy’s hand, cupping his hands around his face so he could peer through the window into the darkened interior.

 Lucy pointed at a note stuck to the inside of the door with sticky tape, written in both Chinese hanzi and English. “It says closed due to a family emergency. I hope everyone’s okay.” She turned to take in the disappointment on Natsu’s face and grabbed his hand and squeezed gently. “Don’t worry Natsu, it doesn’t matter if we can’t go tonight. We’ll just come back some other time, okay?”

 Natsu sighed, seemingly mollified by her reassurance that they could come back. “Okay. I just really wanted to take you somewhere special the first time we went out on a date.” He interlaced their fingers and raised their joined hands to his lips, kissing Lucy’s knuckles gently. “I like holding your hand, by the way”, he said softly, rubbing his thumb on her wrist.

 Lucy smiled at him. Already her jaw was starting to ache from smiling so much in one evening. Was she that out of practice? “I like it too, Natsu.”

 Natsu grinned, tugging on her hand. “C’mon Luce, we’ve still got two hours before we need to be somewhere else. Let’s find another place to eat. I’m starving!” He yanked her forward and she giggled as he pulled her back up the street in the direction they’d just come.

 It looked like most of Magnolia had the same idea to eat out that evening. They walked along the main road, but nearly every restaurant looked full to bursting.

 “What about here?” asked Lucy, pointing to the pub on the corner. It also looked to be busy, but there were some empty tables in the beer garden at the side. Fairy lights twinkled in the trees and under the yellow and white striped umbrellas shading the wooden picnic tables, and people chatted animatedly, drinking beer and eating chips and burgers.

 Natsu rolled his eyes. “Give me some credit Luce. It’s our first date. I want to take you somewhere nice to eat.” But as the minutes ticked away, and every restaurant had a wait time of another hour, they ended up standing in front of the pub again. Natsu grumbled under his breath.

 Lucy looked at the brick building. It seemed like any other pub she’d ever seen, smelling faintly of stale beer, with blackboards advertising upcoming live bands and a weekly trivia night. The name was cute too, ‘Three of Cups’; Lucy recognised it as a minor arcana tarot card. Natsu still looked reluctant.

 “Is there something about this place you’re not telling me Natsu?”

 Natsu sighed, running his fingers through his already messy fringe exasperatedly as they walked in the door past the front bar and out into the beer garden. “There’s nothing wrong with it exactly, it’s just owned by someone I went to university with. She’s a good friend, but sometimes she can come on a little…”

 “Heeeey, Natsuuuuuu!”

 A tall woman with brown wavy hair and a wide smile waved at them, easily transferring the empty glasses she was collecting to a tray balanced on one curvy jean covered hip.

 Natsu huffed out a sigh but smiled as he turned to face the woman with a wave. “Hey Cana, it’s good to see you.”

 Cana grinned at him, putting the tray with glasses down on an empty table and leaning forward to give him a swift hug, the tight black cropped t-shirt she wore leaving little to the imagination regarding her curvy figure. “Don’t lie, hotshot, we both know you’re terrible at it.” She winked, looking Lucy up and down. “You do realise you’re punching above your weight with this one Natsu.”

 Natsu made a warning noise in the back of his throat. “Cana!” he growled. “Settle down, okay? This is Lucy. Lucy, this my friend Cana – we met at university, and she’s hung around like a bad smell ever since.”

 Cana rolled her eyes at him and held her hand out to shake Lucy’s. “Nice to meetcha Lucy!” She lowered her voice a little and grinned at her mischievously. “If things don’t work out tonight with this dork, stop by the bar and get my number.”

 Lucy flushed as she shook Cana’s hand, not quite sure what to say. “Oh, um, thank you, I’m flattered, but um…”

 Cana grinned, ignoring Natsu’s sputtering in the background. “Never mind, I gotcha. Always worth a try, ya know. So are you guys thinking about eating here? First drinks are on me tonight Natsu, friend discount.”

 Natsu nodded, and Cana grinned. “Okay, sit wherever. You can order at the bar when you’re ready to eat. Natsu knows what’s good on the menu, he’s a regular.”

 Lucy and Natsu sat down facing each other on the bench seating, the fairy lights overhead twinkling merrily under the yellow and white striped umbrellas. Natsu coughed apologetically, reaching out for her hand across the wooden picnic table.

 “So, uh, that was Cana.”

 Lucy smiled. “So I gathered. She seems nice.” Natsu snorted but nodded.

 “I dunno if nice is the word I’d use, but she’s definitely a good friend. Gray and I come here a lot for lunch.” He rattled off the menu to her, and after she’d made her choice he went off to the bar to order, returning with a beer for each of them and the restaurant pager that would indicate when their food was ready.

 Ten minutes later when the pager began beeping, Natsu disappeared again, returning with Lucy’s chicken skewers and his own gigantic beef burger with a bowl of wedges to share. Lucy tucked in. She was really hungry, and the garlic and lemon flavoured chicken was delicious. Natsu was also hungry, judging by the way he launched himself into eating the burger on his plate. A movement next to Lucy’s shoulder made her look up.

 “Everything okay? Is the food good?” asked Cana as she paused near them with a tray crowded with empty glasses.

 “It’s really delicious, thank you”, replied Lucy with a smile. Natsu, whose mouth was clearly too full to make any sort of coherent comment, just gave her a thumbs up.

 “Okay, glad to hear it!” grinned Cana, disappearing with her tray. But as they ate their meal, she kept reappearing, watching them with a knowing grin. Natsu was clearly getting more irritated by the second as she loitered near them to pick up glasses. Again.

 “Are you nearly finished eating Lucy?” he grumped, as Cana sashayed past them with her tray, giving Natsu a meaningful wink.

 Lucy leaned forward, lowering her voice. “Natsu, it’s okay, really. She’s obviously just teasing you, trying to get a rise out of you. Just ignore it.”

 “Well, it’s working dammit”, he growled. He’d finished his burger and Lucy was three quarters of the way through her meal. “How about we get out of here, and I buy you ice-cream instead? There’s a place near where we’re goin’ next.”

 Lucy nodded. “That sounds good!” They each snagged a handful of wedges to eat on the way and got up to leave, Natsu glowering over his shoulder at a grinning Cana.

 “Nice to meet ya Lucy! See ya later Natsu!” called out Cana.

 “Not if I see you first”, muttered Natsu. Lucy bumped his hip playfully with hers.

 “Come on, cheer up! The food was really good! I’d like to go here again.” Natsu raised an eyebrow at her. “Okay, it possibly wasn’t the romantic atmosphere you wanted during dinner, but I’m enjoying myself Natsu, really.”

 Natsu’s usual cheerful grin returned. “Okay.”

 He took her hand again, and they walked down towards the canal, where there was a man selling ice-cream from a small pink refrigerated food vendor’s cart on wheels. Lucy got a single strawberry cone with a drizzle of cherry syrup, and Natsu ordered a double cone with butterscotch pecan and vanilla. They dawdled slowly across the bridge, licking their ice-creams, and enjoying the balmy twilight, smiling at each other.

 “Look out!” yelled a voice behind them. A courier riding a bicycle zoomed close by, knocking Lucy off balance as she shifted quickly to get out of the way. Natsu’s arm wrapped around her waist before she could fall, pulling her tightly against him. She dropped her ice-cream with a cry of surprise, watching it land with a splat on the ground in front of her, just missing her new suede boots. Natsu’s elbow jostled against the edge of the stone bridge, and the scoops of ice-cream dropped into the canal, leaving him holding an empty cone.  

 “Watch where you’re goin’ you ass wipe!” hollered Natsu at the retreating back of the cyclist, who had already made it across the bridge. His distant cry of ‘sorry’ floated back on the breeze towards them but did nothing to improve Natsu’s temper.

 “Are you okay Lucy?” he asked gruffly, glancing in disgust at the empty ice-cream cone still clutched in his fist, then tossing it over the side of the bridge to join the rest of it in the water below. She nodded.

 “I’m sorry Lucy. Like I told you earlier, I’m not real good at planning dates”, he sighed. His expression was so despondent that she couldn’t help hugging him tightly.

 “Natsu, this is all just unlucky! It wasn’t your fault that the first restaurant was closed. The pub would have been amazing if Cana hadn’t been trying to tease you! And my ice-cream was really good! Please don’t be down about this, okay?” Natsu hugged her back, then picked her up, twirling her around. He finally listened to her squeals to put her down, but refused to relinquish his hold on her, kissing her on top of her head.

 “Why are you so nice Lucy? Any sane person would have given up on this date by now! Hopefully this last thing will make it up to you – I know you’ll love this!” He glanced at his phone to check the time. “Crap, we gotta move or we’ll miss the beginning!”

 He grabbed Lucy’s hand and tugged her along, until they ended up outside an old movie theatre. The exterior architecture reminded Lucy of photos she’d seen of 1920’s buildings.

 “This place shows older movies, and it looks really cool inside too, all red velvet curtains and cushy seats. They even have people dressed up in old time usher costumes who show you to your seats and sell popcorn. I checked their website yesterday and they’ve got a Jane Austen movie festival running – they’re playing ‘Sense and Sensibility’ tonight, which I happen to know is one of your favourites, because I heard you tell Wendy!”

 Lucy grinned at him, squeezing his arm. “Oh wow Natsu, I haven’t seen that movie in ages! Thank you so much!”

 Natsu walked over to the small ticket booth, manned by a bored looking woman with dark hair. “Two tickets to Sense and Sensibility please”, he said cheerfully.

 “Sorry love, no can do. That’s on next month during our Jane Austen festival. It’s ‘Screamers’ showing tonight – we’re doing a 90’s space theme this week.”

 “You’re joking”, said Natsu, pulling back. “Please, tell me you’re joking. I looked it up yesterday – your website said it was on this evening!”

 “Yeah, sorry about that. There was a mix up and the wrong dates were entered. Did you want tickets or not?”

 Natsu looked at her, speechless. He turned to Lucy, who had her back to him, her shoulders shaking. Natsu tentatively put his hand on her shoulder. “Lucy, please don’t be upset. We’ll come back and see it when it’s on, okay? I promise, I’ll make it up to you. Please don’t cry!”

 Lucy turned around. There were indeed tears in her eyes, but that was because she was struggling not to laugh. Finally she gave up and let loose, laughing louder than Natsu had ever heard her. She threw her arms around his neck, still giggling. Natsu gazed at her, unsure of what to do.

 “I’m sorry to laugh”, she giggled, “really Natsu, but it’s just so ridiculous! And you tried so hard!” She stood up on tiptoe and kissed him gently on the lips. “Let’s go buy a hot chocolate and talk under the stars. What do you say?”

 Natsu was momentarily stunned after her kiss, but then smiled, dropping his forehead to hers. “Whatever you say milady”, he grinned, returning her kiss with one of his own.

________________________________________________________________

 Lucy was still giggling as they finally sat down under a tree in the park, Natsu leaning back against the trunk, with Lucy sitting between his legs, her back against his chest. Natsu rested his chin on top of her head, reaching around to tap her on the nose as she handed him his takeaway hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

 “You can stop laughing now, you know. It’s not that funny”, he grumbled as he sipped his hot chocolate, trying not to smile.

 “Oh, but it is”, she sniggered. “Do you know Natsu, you couldn’t have planned a better first date if you’d tried. Do you know why?”

 “All right, I’ll take the bait. Why Lucy?”

 “Because”, she giggled, “I’m never going to forget this date, not in a million years.” She cupped her hands around her hot chocolate, taking careful sips of the hot liquid.

 “Yeah”, sighed Natsu. “That’s pretty true. I’d rather that it was because I’d got everything right though.” Hearing the wistful tone in his voice, Lucy put down her hot chocolate, and turned so she was kneeling in front of him.

 “But you did get everything right Natsu!” she exclaimed, stroking his cheek. “Every single thing you picked to do, was something you chose because you believed I would enjoy it, that we’d enjoy doing it together. And that makes you the most thoughtful person I’ve ever gone on a date with.”

 Natsu snorted. “The other guys you’ve been out with must have been total bastards then. Why wouldn’t I want to choose things that you’d want to do?” He shifted slightly, pulling on her shoulder gently. “Here, if you’re gonna turn around this way, scoot sideways and sit on me. I don’t want you to scrape the skin on your legs, not when it’s just getting better.”

 Lucy moved to sit on Natsu’s thigh. “Why are you so kind to me Natsu?” she asked seriously.

 “I can’t help it”, he grinned.

 “No, I mean it.”

 “So do I”, he said, tucking a loose lock of hair behind her ear. “There’s just somethin’ about you Luce. It’s like I need to help you find your smile, and when you smile at me, it’s the best thing ever.”

 Lucy looped her arms around his neck. “You do help me smile Natsu. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.”

 “That’s good to know”, he said huskily, moving his forefinger down to her chin and tilting her head back. His green eyes examined hers carefully, pausing, the tension between them winding so taut that Lucy was sure it would snap, and then he closed his eyes and bent down to meet his lips with hers.

 The first press of his lips was gentle, exploratory as he learned the shape of hers, the curve and texture. They were petal soft, moving gently against his own. “Lucy,” he murmured, his hand moving to cradle the back of her head. He stroked his tongue over her plump bottom lip, tasting cherry lip gloss and hot chocolate, a delicious combination. Eager to taste more, Natsu licked and then sucked her lip between his teeth. She gave a needy whimper, and he slipped his tongue swiftly into her mouth to explore and learn all he could. Her tongue was silky and slid against his, and he groaned. Her hands had thoroughly messed his hair, and his had made their way downwards, resting on her hips. Breaking from her lips, he placed small heated kisses in the hollow of her throat as Lucy sighed his name, her fingers still twisting in his tangled hair.  

 A throat clearing behind them had Lucy squeaking, hiding her head in Natsu’s neck, and his shooting upwards with a glare.

 “Sorry to break this up kids, but the park is now officially closed, and you’re trespassing. You’re gonna have to take this somewhere else.” At least the park ranger had the decency to shine the torch to one side, rather than shine it directly in his eyes. Natsu’s head tipped backward onto the tree trunk with a dull thud.

 “That’s it. I’m officially done with today Luce. Let’s go home.”

 The park ranger waited until they’d picked up their mostly empty cups and walked through the park gate, then shut and locked it behind them with a clang. Lucy was still feeling embarrassed, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth as they walked back towards Natsu’s car. She peeked at Natsu out of the corner of her eye. He was striding along with his eyes down, hands thrust in his jean pockets.

 “I’m sorry”, she said hesitantly.

 Natsu looked at her incredulously. “What on earth have you got to apologise for Lucy?”

 “Well, the park was my idea”, she answered softly. “I didn’t realise that they would close it when it got to a certain time.” She curled her fingers around his bicep. “And I was having a pretty good time until we were, um, interrupted.” She cleared her throat. “Natsu, when you said you were done with today, that didn’t mean that you were done with, um, the idea of us…”

 Natsu leaned down and kissed her swiftly. “That answer your question Lucy?” He took his hand out of his pocket and wrapped it around her shoulders. “Please say you’ll give me another chance at this”, he chuckled. “I know I can do better.”

 Lucy wrapped her arm around his waist as they continued walking back to his car. “Of course I will Natsu. But can I make a suggestion?”

 “Anythin’ Luce.”

 “Maybe next date we can send Wendy out, and order in. That way there’ll be less chance of things going wrong, or any interruptions.” Natsu leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

 “Great plan Luce. Tomorrow good for you?”

 Lucy sighed happily. “Tomorrow sounds awesome.”

________________________________________________________________

 This, believe it or not, is based roughly on my very first date with my husband. We’d been best friends for about three years before we started going out, but he was very determined to take me on a ‘proper date’. He lost his wallet and was running late; the French restaurant was booked out for a private function and the dinky Chinese restaurant we ended up at was where his female flatmate worked. She teased us the whole time we were there but did give us free soft drink. Then when we got to the movies, Sense and Sensibility wasn’t playing as advertised, but Screamers was. Unlike Natsu and Lucy, we stayed to watch it. It was hilariously bad. Then we got sprung making out in the hallway at university. It was an unforgettable night and makes me think of him lovingly every time I remember it.

[samwinchesterfanfic]

Snow Day

Dean x reader

One shot

POV: reader

Warnings: fluff, language

A/N: Inspired by the songs “Knee Socks” by the Arctic Monkeys, and “Heaven in Hiding” by Halsey.

Dean Winchester is quite possibly the sexiest man I’ve ever met. Sometimes, when he’s frustrated, concentrating, or just bored, his tongue does this thing across his lip that just makes you want to drop your pants right there. I’d never had the opportunity, or the privilege, until today.

It was below 15 degrees outside and the snow was coming down like there was no tomorrow. Sam was in Colorado helping a friend out with a hunt, and Dean and I were trapped in the bunker together. By the time I woke up, the ground was covered in about two feet of snow. I showered, brushed my hair and teeth, and got dressed. Since it was gonna be a day spent inside I put on: a dark red camisole, a giant black cardigan, black yoga pants, and knee socks that go over my leggings. My stomach grumbled, signaling that it was time to make my way to the kitchen. As I walked down through the bunker, the smell of french toast and bacon hit me. I walked faster, praying that Dean was making breakfast for both of us. I turned the corner and slid into the kitchen. Dean was a sight to see. His blue jeans were hanging loosely on his hips, and he was wearing a light flannel. Unbuttoned. With nothing underneath. The question I was going to ask got stuck in my throat as he turned around.  “Hey Y/N. Want some breakfast?” He said, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. I held back the groan that was pushing against my lips and nodded. Best not to risk talking. I sit down at the table as he puts a big plate of food in front of me. I keep my eyes on my food as I eat, trying my best to keep it together. I finally realize I have to break the deafening silence, and I try to piece together a sentence.

“So. Uh. What, what do you wanna do today?” I stutter put, my eyes still on my food.

“I don’t know. I was thinking a movie marathon.” He says between bites. I nod.

“Okay.” I realize I’ve finished, so I stand up to put my plate in the dishwasher. I turn around and run into Deans bare chest. Shit.

“Whoa there.” He says with a chuckle. We both step left then right, trying to get around each other. Finally he grabs my waist and picks me up, spinning so I’m on the opposite side.

“Sorry.” I mutter, before walking away quickly to my room. I can hear him laughing and I resist the urge to smile. Instead of going to my room, I make my way to the living room, figuring that a movie is a good idea. I put on Tangled, a guilty pleasure of mine. Snacks. I need snacks. I pause the movie as the intro plays, and go back to the kitchen. Deans cleaning up, dancing around to some music that’s playing on the kitchen speaker. My heart clenches a bit, and I imagine what would it be like if I was dating him. Maybe in a different life, I think to myself before brushing past him to get to the pantry. I grab a bag of popcorn, some peanut butter m&ms, a water, and a hot coco with marshmallows. As the hot coco heats up, my hips sway to the music. I don’t realize it’s happening until I hear a small groan from behind me. I turn around and see Dean staring at me.

“What?” I ask, my heart pounding as he takes a couple steps towards me. He blinks, licking his lips as he stops right in front of me.

“Sometimes, I wonder if you do this just to torture me.” He murmurs, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Do what?” The words slip off my tongue so quietly, in surprised he can hear me.

“Dance, dress the way you do, smell the way you do.” My heart is pounding, and I have to remind myself to breath as he leans in and kisses my forehead. Then my cheek, then my other cheek, before his lips finally land on mine. The only thing I could think was, best snow day ever.

[messagefromtheveins]

do you accept requests? because i want some birthday sex fic like not together but hide their feelings and then one of them leaves at the end of it, sorta angst too i guess

“Just go home, Shawn. I can finish this,” you laughed when he placed the last few empty beer bottles on the counter. He gave you a soft smile and reached up to run a hand through his hair before he approached you. It had been a long night of having too many friends over to celebrate your birthday and now you were left with the mess to clean up.

You had your back turned to him, his hands lightly resting on your sides while he placed a seemingly innocent kiss on your shoulder. “How about we’ll finish this later?”

You had anticipated this all night long. He had come around earlier to help you set everything up and one look into his eyes when you had opened the door for him had been enough to have you impatiently waiting for this moment. You knew that he had no intentions of leaving before getting at least one orgasm out of you.

“We?” you grinned and bit your lip when his hands travelled to your front, stopping on your ribs right below your breasts. “Shawn…” you mumbled, though tilted your head to the side to give him better access when he peppered little pecks over your neck.

It had started with a drunken one night stand that had turned into another one. And another one. And then again another one. Until you had simply decided to keep this going after swearing that neither of you would develop feelings for the other. You had thought you could do this- you had been friends with Shawn for years and you had never thought about the two of you in a relationship. But he had made you fall in love with him without even trying. It were the simple things that had you hopelessly falling for him- when he held doors open for you, when his hand placed on your back while you were walking somewhere. When he gave you a smile from across the room. The secrets touches when you were surrounded by your friends.

His hands moved up to cup your boobs, teeth playfully nipping at your jaw. “But I haven’t had the chance to give you my special birthday gift yet,” he mumbled and kneaded your chest in his hands, his body pressing flush against your back and crotch slowly grinding against your ass. Before you could respond his hand slipped down beneath your yoga pants and panties, fingers immediately finding your clit. You leaned back into him with a deep breath, your head tilting back against his shoulder and eyes closing. He knew exactly how to have you dripping wet for him in no time, knew exactly where to rub and how to tease your nipples and how to use his mouth on the sensitive spot on your neck.

He grinned against your neck when you released a quiet whine and squirmed in his arms, letting you turn around to him while he licked his fingers clean. Biting your bottom lip, you watched how he greedily sucked on his digits before you pushed yourself up to capture his lips in a rushed kiss. His arms tightly wrapped around you before he started pushing you backwards out of the kitchen, the two of you stumbling a few times and giggling into the kiss until you reached your bedroom where he playfully tossed you on the bed.

You propped yourself up on your elbows and watched him as he undressed in front of the bed, his T-shirt landing on the floor first before his jeans followed. “Gonna make me do all the work, baby?” he asked and crawled on the bed.

You shrugged. “Well, it is my birthday,” you reminded him with a grin, though you sat up to tug your T-shirt off while he worked on pulling your yoga pants off. He had you laying on the bed in your underwear just seconds later and the view made his mouth water. The red and black set you were wearing looked way too good on you, his eyes eagerly trailing down your body and one of his hands placing on his dick where it was still trapped beneath his boxers. You knew exactly that he had a thing for you in red and he hated how you kept using it for your advantage.

He wanted to tell you that you looked beautiful, but the words got stuck in his throat when you sat up, your fingers hooking into the waistband of his boxers to tug them down just far enough. The fact that he was kneeling on the bed in front of you put you on eye level with his quickly hardening cock. A deep groan rumbled in his chest as you took his tip into your mouth, your tongue swirling around it and feeling him twitch before you took him deeper. “Fuck, honey,” he moaned and collected your hair in a messy ponytail, lightly pushing against the back of your head to encourage you to go further. Eyes rolling into the back of his head, he quietly whined your name when your nose touched the perfectly trimmed patch of hair as you swallowed him down with practiced ease. “Okay, stop,” he chuckled a little breathlessly and tugged on your hair to get you to pull back, knowing exactly that you could have him undone like that within less than two minutes if he let you continue.

You looked up to him with dilated eyes, giving him a soft grin before you reached back to unclasp your bra. Letting yourself fall back, you wriggled out of your thong while he pulled his boxers off all the way. He released a sound of appreciation when you rolled on your stomach and kept your chest flush to the bed, only lifting your hips a bit. Cursing under his breath, he quickly reached over to the nightstand and pulled the drawer open with a bit too much force to get a condom out of it. Smiling into the bedsheets, you let your eyes fall closed while you heard him fumbling with the condom behind you before his hands gripped your hips. 

Your mouth opened with a quiet gasp as he swiftly tugged you up so you were on your knees with your ass in the air and your shoulders pressed against the bed before you bit the bedsheets as he pushed into you in a quick movement, his deep groan filling the bedroom.

You usually preferred different positions that allowed you to watch him, loving to see how his cheeks got more flushed the closer he got to his high and how he kept biting his bottom lip. But you knew that you wouldn’t be able to keep your feelings for him hidden tonight and you were scared that he would catch on.

His blunt nails were digging into your buttcheeks and he didn’t give you a moment to adjust, instead pulled back and moved right back into you. Your fingers curled into the bedsheets, tightly holding on as he rocked into you over and over again, starting with a much rougher pace than he usually did, but you definitely weren’t complaining. Instead you moved your hips back to meet his thrusts, the sound of skin slapping and your and his moans all you could hear. “Damn, babygirl,” he mumbled, his gaze fixated on where he kept disappearing inside of you, “wish you could see yourself right now.”

Pushing yourself up on your elbows, you turned your head around to him when he leaned over you, his lips meeting yours in a bit sloppy kiss, but neither of you cared much. The headboard kept hitting the wall and his hands gripped your hips so tight that you wondered if he might leave bruises behind, his teeth tugging on your bottom lip before he pulled back again.

You gasped when he pulled your hair back and held it in his fist, twisting it around his wrist once and tugging your head back. And then he suddenly stopped all movements, a whine falling from your lips as you rolled your hips back and forth over his length. “Shawn,” you begged and turned your head to look at him only to find him watching you with a smirk before he continued his quick pace. The sounds you made were like music to his ears and the realization that he was the reason you made them had him so much closer to his orgasm.

Slowing his pace a bit, he saw how you moved a hand down the front of your body before you moaned softly. He wanted to flip you over so he could see how you pleasured yourself, but at the same time he enjoyed the sight of your ass pushing back against him way too much, the way your spine kept arching with the little sounds that left your lips. “Shawn, I’m close,” you whimpered.

“Already?” he grinned, though it died down immediately when you clenched around him. Teeth digging into his bottom lip, he let go of your hair to instead grip your butt again and changed the angles of his thrusts until he found the spot. You let your upper body drop to the bed again while you kept rubbing over your clit in quick circles, panting into the bedsheets. His name fell from your lips in a breathless moan when you finally got pushed over the edge, your free hand clutching at the covers. “Fuck, fuck,” he groaned as you clenched around him, his hands moving to your front to cup your boobs while he worked you through it with slow thrusts. You slumped into the bed with a deep inhale and noticed how he grew restless, chasing his high before he buried himself deep into you with a loud groan. Breathing heavily against your back, he chuckled. “Happy fucking birthday, honey,” he grinned and slowly pulled out of you, receiving a quiet whine from you before he placed a kiss on your spine.

–—–—–—–—–—–

His jeans were still unbuttoned and he was just tugging his T-shirt down when you stepped out of the bathroom, your heart dropping. “What are you doing?” you asked confused, the look on his face sheepish. Like he had been caught.

“It’s late. I should go home,” he explained and reached down to fix his jeans.

You crossed your arms in front of your chest and tried to calm your erratic heartbeat. “Did you want to sneak out?” you asked, unable to keep the anger out of your voice. You couldn’t believe him, that he would just-

“Of course not,” he responded, his voice soft and almost convincing. You would probably believe him if it wasn’t for the embarrassed flush that had settled on his cheeks.

Scoffing, you shook your head and pushed past him. "Fuck you, Shawn," you spat. He called your name after you, but his voice got drowned out by the bedroom door that you threw shut behind you. Leaning back against the door, you felt tears burning in your eyes as you waited, your bottom lip trembling when you heard the front door fall shut gently. "Why did you have to fall in love with him, dumbass" you mumbled to yourself.

[historical-trash]

The Arcana cast with a modern lifestyle

Asra: Lives in an old friend's house, somehow never needs to pay for taxes. He works in an organic megashop that sells from perfumes to herbs to food to even small wicca trinkets. His dress style is very hipster and baggy with a colour pallette of whites, pinks and violets. Faust is his roomate and is usually fond of friends staying over. Often the house smells like incense and when you enter, it's kinda like a hotbox of enlightenment and possible death from all the incense smoke.

Julian: Lives in a run down small flat in a bustling city, it is very cheap but looks pretty ready to collapse. The rooms are painted over in a smooth red and black theme with brown furniture to hide the fact the infrastructure is shit. Julian works part time as a pharmacist assistant and studies in university to get his bachelor's degree and medical certificate as a general practicioner. His fashion style is more grunge and sleek with a mix of gothic. Mazelinka lives actually across from him and always makes sure he eats or has lunch.

Nadia: has her own luxurious house, fancy pool, has people clean and do chores for her. She lives the luxury of a lifetime. She doesn't require to work, because her family pays for almost everything, but she does sometimes work voluntarily at a horse ranch, where she grooms, cleans, feeds and rides horses. Also Chandra has her own section in the house. Nadia's fashion sense remains pretty much the same. She likes fancy, stylish clothes. Her hair will always be in a different style and she always rocks it.

Portia: Lives in a small house afew meters away from Nadia's estate. She works as the cleaning lady but mostly does heavy duty work. Her house is simple and very homely, smells always like orange, musk and beer but she loves the vibe. Pepi is usually waiting for her at the porch when she comes back. Her fashion sense is casual yet practical. So she often wears genie pants with a nice white blouse and rocks a sweet bandana. She always looks like she wears the same outfit though.

Lucio: The annoying roomate that comes in and out of Nadia's house. He does have his own luxurious house that looks almost like Nadias, don't get me wrong, but there's only so much fun you can have when you have a toilet made out of solid gold. He's always the one that takes out Nadia to go fuck shit up. If he wants to go ride a horse and jump off a cliffside while riding the horse and fall into the water below, he will do it. His parents can afford it. His fashion however is sleek, and kinda looks like your average fuckboy.

Valerius: his house looks like a bloody fucking castle. Everything is old school and god have mercy if you want to watch TV. He gets all the updates on drama from facebook. He works as a wine taste tester and manufacturer so he has a cellar for that. His fashion sense is sleek suits. His residence always smells like wine, and a faint smell of roast pulled beef. He hires professional chefs to cook him food that will go well with whatever wine he's tasting on the day.

Vlastomil: His house is an absolute dreck. He rarely cleans the dust forming and only 2 rooms are ever used. His bedroom, which is an ugly grey in all hues, and his worm room. Which is also his job. He works as an entomologist but specifically works with worms, caterpillars, centipedes etc. His fashion sense is very bland, simple dark grey jeans and a light grey button shirt with a black overcoat that covers him up to the ankles. And he wears a navy blue beret.

Muriel: Asras house used to belong to him, but when he got the chance, he moved out into the woodlands to live a more secluded life. He enjoys his time in the woods, lumbering wood and sustaining himself. His house is a small cabin filled with trinkets, herbs and some food. He dresses in dark green flannels and jeans with ripped knees, he also wears a black bomber jacket over the flannel. He has a pet German Shepherd that was bred with a wolf so he has some company, which is really the only one he prefers. Muriels cabin is warm and cozy, it often smells like the herbs he has in it at the time and the strong lingering smell of myrrh and musk sticks.

Terry: He lives a very nomadic lifestyle. He's got a car and a caravan and he just travels wherever he can. He works mainly as a street musician and an artist, it gets him enough money to sustain himself, but he wouldn't care if he had nothing either. He always has contact with his friends and his family is willing to have him back at their village, but he likes his free spirited life. His caravan always smells tropical, with a side of a forest and seaside. His car is a simple Citroën he modded himself with abit of help and he painted custom flame designs. His fashion sense is simple. Usually wearing loose button shirts or tank tops with his favorite bands or blank and yoga pants with pockets bigger than my future. He also walks barefoot.

Add your MC and their modern lifestyle!

[bluebird722]

Meet the Parents...or Lady and the Tramp, The Wolf of Wall Street, and Jerry Maguire

For Jashiweek Part 3: Wardrobe Wednesday

Summary: Dinner with the boyfriend’s parents is never easy, but it helps to have a few tricks up your sleeve and save dessert for last, even if it includes a broken dress, his mother playing a trick on you, and trying to stir a night of passion. 

Rating: T for, eh-hem, “seduction”

“‘You have one new message…first unheard message.” ‘Hey, Ashi, my love, this is a reminder call that my parents have reserved dinner for us at their restaurant. We should meet them at five-thirty, so make sure you’re ready by five. Love you!’ BEEP! ‘End of message.’”

As soon as she set down her phone, Ashi kicked off her pumps and ran upstairs to get ready. Dinner at five-thirty, when was the last time she ate that early? She and Jack—her wonderful boyfriend—usually ate late at night, around nine when almost everyone else was asleep in the world. His parents, on the other hand, must be early eaters.

Ashi hurried through a quick shower and didn’t even bother to wrap a towel around her hair; she just wrapped one around herself and threw open her closet doors. To her delight, it still smelled of him because of that hoodie she “borrowed” from him to put in her closet and wear in her sleep. She never had a signature scent, but at least he did for when she missed his company.

“Let’s see,” she said as she rummaged through her dresses. “I want to give his parents a good impression of me…what is cute but not skimpy…”

She had too many dresses for an ESL teacher—day dresses, work dresses, date-night dresses, theater dresses—but none seemed to work for dinner at a Japanese restaurant. The lavender was too short, the pink showed off too much shoulder, and the navy had a hip-high slit after she accidentally ripped it but didn’t have time to fix. Ashi decided to put on makeup while she chose a dress in the back of her mind.

The doorbell rang just after she rolled on mascara. She set down the tube and ran down the stairs to peek through the peephole. To her surprise, it was Jack, smiling and blushing. “Hey,” she said as she opened the door, one arm around her towel, “what are you doing here so early?”

He came in with a shopping bag. “Thought I’d come in, save time and get ready here before we leave.” He looked at her state of dress and paused. “Well, you look ready. Didn’t know a towel could pass off as a sexy dress.”

“Don’t you dare,” she grunted. “I’m trying to get your parents to like me.”

He locked the door behind him and kissed the side of her neck. “I’m sure they’d like you even if you did show up in that.”

Ashi swallowed, but he just laughed, lifted her in his arms, and carried her into her room. “Need any help?” he asked as he lovingly lowered her onto her bed.

Grinning and holding the chest of her towel, Ashi looked at the clock, which read 4:53. “Well, what are you wearing?” she asked him.

He opened the shopping bag and pulled out a white shirt and black pants. She repeated the colors to herself as he walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

She hurriedly put on black boyshorts and tried to think of what would be appropriate. It had to be a long-sleeved button down, right? She pushed her dresses aside until she found her slinky black dress with thin straps. It exposed too much back and had a V-neckline that plunged to the end of her sternum, but she could wear a cardigan over it at dinner.

“You ready?” he asked.

“I am,” she said as she slid on matching earrings and a pearl necklace. When she stepped out, however, she saw he was wearing a white polo and black jeans. Too, too normal. And she looked like she was going to an awards ceremony.

His eyes ran down her body, taking in how her hips and frame looked so slim and so sexy under the black cloth. “You look beautiful,” he said.

Her chest flushed. “You think so?” she asked.

“I know so. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have said it.”

Her cheeks turned red. “So would you say I looked beautiful even if I wore a garbage can?”

He chuckled and put his hands on her waist. “Of course you would, but I wouldn’t think that would be appropriate to wear when you meet my parents.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “But I’d still be beautiful?”

His hands moved up her sides and past her chest. “No matter what you’re wearing,” he said as he leaned forward for a kiss.

She responded and smoothed her fingers over his chest under the collar of his polo. Touching the skin of his chest always turned him on. His fingers lingered over her straps and gently lowered them off her shoulders so he had more access to her collarbone. As he kissed down her throat, he slid his hands under her straps, which suddenly felt loose. They looked down and saw that the straps had detached from the back of the dress.

“Uh oh,” he said worriedly.

Ashi’s eyes widen. “Oh boy,” she sighed, though with a slight laugh. “Let me find a new one—”

“Wait, wait,” he interrupted. “Let me see if I can—”

“I think I have safety pins somewhere.” She hurried to her dresser and opened her sock drawer. Years ago, she discovered that safety pins were a great tool to avoid losing socks in the washer. Who’s to say they couldn’t work enclosing dress straps together, as long as they were added right? She unpinned a pair of black socks and tossed them onto her bed when his hands reached for her chest and grabbed the straps.

“Let me try this Jerry Maguire style,” he said as his fingers tie the straps into a knot at the back of her neck. When he was done, he kissed below the knot and spun her around. “See for yourself.”

Ashi peeked at herself in the mirror and lightly smiled. “You’re beautiful no matter what you wear,” he reminded her. Then he kissed her cheek. “Come on, my parents can’t wait forever!”

She turned off the light and grabbed her purse, but it was only as she buckled herself into his car that she realized she forgot a cardigan. Oh, boy. What if his mother disliked her because she showed off too much the first time they met? She wrapped her arms around herself and stared out the window, wondering what kind of mess she got herself into. 

The restaurant was actually warmer than she thought, though she still felt like her dress exposed too much skin, especially when compared to him and his parents. They wore sweaters, and his mother even wore black pantyhose under a knee-length skirt. Ashi reminded herself that she wouldn’t feel as uncomfortable if only she had remembered a cardigan and used it to hide the broken straps. To keep her mind off her worries, she answered their questions about teaching English and teaching in English to Japanese children.  

While the parents made their own soups and selected their own vegetables, Jack and Ashi agreed to split a plate of yakisoba, which was tastier than Ashi realized. As soon as she and Jack finished the first plate, they requested another. Jack’s parents laughed but insisted they pay for it.

“Mom, Dad, please let me—”

“Nonsense,” his mother said. “Are you trying to impress her or something, acting like a gentleman?”

Ashi giggled. Jack rolled his eyes but shook his head. “I’m not doing it to impress anyone,” he said while his hand lovingly stroked up and down her bare back. It made her shiver. “I’m just being polite and kind.”

“So you are trying to show off?” his father asked.

While the waiter came back and offered the young couple a dessert list—it was a habit of Jack’s to look at dessert options before he finished dinner—his father noticed his own wife quietly reaching for the yakisoba and moving the noodles around with her chopsticks.

“What are you doing?” he whispered in her ear, but she smirked and pressed her finger to her lips.

“Thank you,” Ashi said to the waiter, who walked to the small band playing Japanese songs, and began to discuss with Jack possible dessert options. Just then, the shamisen player began to play one of the calmest songs Ashi ever heard. She smiled at the musician. “What’s this song called?” she asked.

“I forget,” Jack’s mother said. “But I used to play it for Jack when he was a baby and had a hard time falling asleep.”

“Aw,” Ashi cooed as she and Jack picked up their chopsticks and picked up noodles—wait, as Jack’s father saw, the same noodle. He struggled to keep his mouth in a small smile, for they were still looking at him and his wife.

“The easiest thing to do,” his wife said, “is to close your eyes and imagine yourself in a peaceful setting, whether it’s in the park on a slow day, beside a body of water, or even the beach. Take time to smell around you, hear the birds, and feel the warm sun.”

Ashi’s eyes lightly closed as she pictured herself practicing yoga beside a waterfall, as her mother used to do while she tried to follow along. She smiled as her lips sucked the noodle into her mouth.

Unfortunately, Jack’s eyes closed, too. He saw himself and Ashi sleeping in, either in his or her room, having tea in bed, watching TV, and snuggling. They didn’t even have to take off their clothes or have sex; it was being intimate without being intimate. His smile broaden as well.

His mother covered her mouth to keep from giggling, and his father held his breath as they sucked more on the same noodle, drawing closer and closer—

Lady and the Tramp-style, he thought with a smirk as two sets of lips touched. Both sets of eyes opened and widen, looking shocked.

Jack’s mother’s smile took over her whole face. The two were slow to separate and split the noodle in half. And the look she gave him forced his father to smile and wonder what that meant for them tonight...

The kissing intensified outside her front door, Ashi’s hands gripping Jacks’ shoulders, his fingers seizing the flesh of her waist. “Did you have fun?” he whispered as he kissed her ear.

“A great time,” she said against his oh-so-sexy lips. “I love your parents.”

“They really like you,” he said. “Especially if my mom did that to us—”

Ashi laughed but wouldn’t admit that what his mother did caused quite a stir in her belly. She wanted to tackle Jack to the floor and kiss him right there on the carpet. And it was clear that, if her mother liked her enough to do that, this was certainly the man for her (and if they went on and got married, she wouldn’t worry about having a monster-in-law).

“So Jack,” she whispered, “want to come in, wash down that mouthwatering dessert with fresh tea?”

“Sounds great,” he said between kisses, “but I can’t stay long.”

Ashi pouted. “Well, I need some help getting out the knot of this dear dress and—” she smirked when she thought of the way he “fixed” her dress and the trick his mother played on them “—I wanted you to try this new Japanese tea I had the other day.”

“Sure, let’s try it,” he said. He followed her inside, and she escorted him to the couch.

“Now, let me follow the instructions,” she said even though all she really needed to do was microwave the water, “and I’ll get out of this dress. Untie me?”

She lifted her hair from the back of her neck. His fingers against her skin made her shiver while he worked to untie the knot. When he was done, he kissed the base of her neck and caressed down her spine.

“I’ll be back,” she whispered, and she hurried upstairs to change.

He leaned back and sighed. That meal was delicious, and he had never felt so full in his life. Still, he couldn’t believe his father when he told him that it was his mother who played that trick on him and Ashi with their food. At least it told him that she liked Ashi enough to want them to kiss at dinner despite her disgust for public affection at the dinner table.

Before they left, when Ashi made a quick trip to the bathroom, his mother seized his arms and nodded her head until her hair untwisted itself from her bun. “I love her, I love her!” she hissed. “Marry her, for crying out loud! Please marry her!”

She never spoke of any of his past girlfriends like that.

He didn’t even hear approaching footsteps, but he did feel fingers at the back of her neck, and he turned his head and saw his favorite woman wearing the sexiest nightgown he had ever seen. It had a built-in sleep bra, but it left her stomach visible under the sheer fabric, and it had a matching set of underwear.

She smirked at him, in part because she wanted to seduce him and because she felt embarrassed that she was taking too much out of that scene from The Wolf of Wall Street. At least she decided to wear lingerie and not come to him naked. “Like it?” To gain a response, she gave him a sexy Lauren Bacall look with her chin tucked to her chest.

Jack’s hands slid under the sides of the nightgown to run up her curvy waist, his head leaned forward to kiss her exposed stomach and circle his tongue around her navel, and his arms pulled her over the couch armrest and onto his lap. He pressed his lips to her stomach in a harder kiss and rocked his hips. 

She gripped his shoulders in ecstasy and moaned. “Make love to me, Jack.”

[chal-converts-archive]

You know, in thinking through my “ehh – close enough to tznius”/personal modesty dress code, I realized that I have some other rules I typically follow.

[This is long and borders on TMI, so that’s why it’s under a cut.]

I definitely choose my undergarments with this stuff in mind. For up top, I pretty much always wear well-padded bras, but even with my softer ones, the point is that they do their job well enough that things won’t get awkward if I get a little chilly. Obviously a major bra-related rule is that none of it can show – not the color, not the straps, not the shape. Lace is beautiful but the shape of it can press through if you’re not careful.

I do occasionally do a half-bind with a sports bra (since I’m flat-chested enough to get away with this), but then I will only wear shirts that are thick and loose enough for this to not cause issues. On the rare occasions that I’m binding, it’s almost always a formal enough occasion that I will be wearing a suit, or at least a waistcoat over a button-up shirt.

On bottom, I pick things that aren’t going to show lines. (Yes, this can still be a problem even if you wear looser clothes and/or thicker fabrics. If you wear a jersey-knit dress, even if the skirt is somewhat loose and the fabric isn’t too sheer, if it’s soft enough it will show lines!) I love love love that “boyshorts” cut, whether it’s designed for women or men, because it tends to not show lines at all. And, even if it does, it tends to only look like you’re wearing shorts under whatever else you’re wearing. In all cases, the color of it can’t show through either.

I won’t wear tights, nylons, or stockings of that ilk under any circumstances, but I can and do treat leggings as an important additional quasi-undergarment. Not only does it hide underwear lines, but it also means that even if someone is enough of a creep to flip your skirt or there’s a sudden stiff wind, you’re still covered.

As a side note to the wind thing – another reason I won’t entirely give up pants is because in many situations I feel like they are more modest than skirts. So, for example, on really windy days, I tend to avoid wearing skirts or dresses because even if it’s ankle length, it’s still going to cling to my body in a pretty un-tznius way. While it’s true I could break out my stiffer skirts for those occasions, the reality is that the only skirts I own that are stiff enough are heavy wool and very formal and that just doesn’t always work. So, pants it is.

[Also, this is an interesting discussion/rant on pants wrt tznius - I don’t agree with everything she says here, but it’s still interesting.]

Additional leggings benefits: While this was many years ago now, thankfully, wearing leggings did prevent someone from touching my skin after reaching up under my skirt. Since then, I’ve felt a whole lot more comfortable standing up on buses or trains and going up flights of stairs while wearing a skirt if I have leggings on underneath.

Despite all this, I don’t consider leggings or yoga pants appropriate to wear by themselves. My main issue with them is that there’s just no way that people don’t see and understand the exact contours of your butt, thighs, and groin region. The fabric that these are made out of is almost always so soft that no matter how well it fits you, it’s going to have an indent between butt cheeks and it’s going to show the exact V of your groin. (Obviously in some really unfortunate situations, it shows even more than that.) I just don’t think it’s appropriate, personally, and would never feel comfortable going out like that at this point in my life.

Skinny jeans and even some jeggings avoid this issue by fitting differently up top and/or by being of heavy enough fabric that all intimate contours are smoothed over. I also like to wear them when I’m wearing a tunic top or dress with a very short skirt, because while neither is particularly modest on its own, at least in combination I feel a lot better about it and kind of just go:

Moving on: I also pay attention with blouses or other button-up shirts to make sure that there isn’t gapping between the buttons or snaps. If there’s any gapping, I won’t wear it without an under shirt.

Another top-related issue is pretty straightforward but worth mentioning. For those of you that, like me, went to junior high or high school when it was popular to wear itty bitty t-shirts that revealed at least an inch of belly every time you moved, I’m pretty sensitive to The Shirt Must be LONG Enough Too! With the recent resurfacing of crop tops, cut-outs (with or without lace), and low backed outfits, suffice to say it’s much more annoying to find women’s tops that cover your entire torso. But, that is definitely a requirement in my book.

Regarding the neckline thing, I typically stick with crew neck or collared shirts if I can. I still have a few tops whose neckline comes up to just under the collarbone, but to be honest I’m a lot more comfortable with them covered. (There’s some weird gender stuff there + comments people have made to me in the past that I won’t get into.) Boatneck tops frustrate me to no end, because most of the time they’re quite elegant and very high-necked . . . except then your bra straps are showing. I tend to avoid them for that reason unless the slit is short enough to cover the straps too.

I know some people restrict based on color (won’t wear bright colors, won’t wear red, etc.) – I can’t do that. I just straight up cannot do that with my mental health issues as they are. I love a lot of more muted colors (I have a ton of grey, brown, black, and beige-toned clothing) but I can’t restrict myself to those because that is an invitation to Depression™. Actually, I made the commitment to myself to wear brightly colored things as part of a larger commitment to live vibrantly. The amount of color I wear is often directly in relationship to my mental health, so I just don’t think that restriction would be a good idea even if I thought it were necessary (which I don’t.) My approach to dressing modestly is joyful, and that often expresses itself through color.

Similarly, I have no problem with wearing shiny things, glittery things, accessorizing, or wearing makeup. My main criteria is that the overall effect is tasteful and dignified, or at a minimum not vampish or raunchy. (I do like to dress silly or playful sometimes, as evidenced by my princess-y selfies that keep occasionally making the rounds.)

Shoes: While I don’t have any super-specific rules about shoes, my general thing is that they must be reasonably comfortable for what they are, and the styling must not be too edgy or raunchy. Ergo, plain knee-high riding boots are in a whole ‘nother category even if they are black and leather, than, say, these boots:

[See also: “covering” =/= modest]

Anyway, another dimension to my wardrobe choices is how practicality fits in. One of the major things that drew me to even consider the concept of tznius in the first place was how practical most of the rules are. Now, I know that a lot of the complaints about modest dressing (especially from certain feminist sectors – and they’re not necessarily completely wrong) is that it isn’t practical. Skirts and dresses are not as useful when you’re trying to do sports or other heavy physical activity, and having to always cover to the wrist means that your sleeves often get in the way of heavier or dirty work. Wearing more and/or heavier clothing in the heat of the summer months, especially if you cover your head, hands, or feet can very easily lead to heat stroke. Etc.

However, there’s a lot of wisdom to much of the tznius rules. Covering to the elbow means that your arms are protected, but that you can roll up your sleeves if you need to get your hands wet or dirty. Skirts that come down to just below the knee and that aren’t too tight are perfect for getting things done. Especially in the summer time, if you’re smart about the weight of fabric you wear and the breathability of it, covering more is actually really helpful in protecting you from the sun. (And, if you have sensory issues like me, protecting you from bugs, humidity, and the salty, gritty feeling that happens when you sweat with bare skin.) While I am clearly not a fan of tights (talk about sensory hell), I can definitely see the appeal they have for others. Sensible shoes are always a huge plus as well.

And for me, there’s a lot more of a relationship between practicality and modesty than most people draw. Put bluntly, if you’re unable to move properly because you might expose some part of your body that you’d rather keep private, then you’re still being restricted by men – just in a different way. If you dress sensibly, you are quite literally physically liberated from a lot of this sexist garbage. I have found that by keeping the standards I’ve set for myself (which are intended to approximate tznius much of the time), I can move freely, work efficiently, and never have to worry about what parts of my body are open to the air and what they look like in motion at any given time. I never have to worry about men staring at me. I never have to worry about serious wardrobe malfunctions. I can just be. And that is so freeing, and so important.

I was going to talk about how hair covering fits in with all of this, but I think there’s enough there to merit its own post. Swimwear is another tricky area, but I think I may make an entirely separate post on that, too.