#also might need that sometimes. well he does a few times in post ss. good for you jc

[llycaons]

not to be a downer and say things like 'jc is doomed to be miserable forever' but imo his most significant trait IS his lack of personal growth. his complete inability to let anything go and his fixation on blaming people for what happened and his insecurity and fear of looking foolish or taking risks or being vulnerable and all strong emotions expressed as anger is really not doing anything for him or for his relationships and at least in the novel it's stated explicitly that he's never going to be able to change so...yeah I think he is doomed to be miserable forever :/

[mistystar022100]

More Bleach x Tokyo Ghoul au

More Characters

Orihime

Orihime is a natural one-eyed ghoul with a Rinkaku kagune. Orihime in cannon has basically one offensive ability that is broken for a whole arc and then rarely used for the sake of defense and healing. Personally, I thought she could have done more so I’m fixing this myself. Her kagune has 2 tentacles that she can use for offensive. Her Shun Shun Rika will be for the healing and shield, the attacking fairy will not be used often unless she needs a long ranged attack.

The reason for her being a one-eyed ghoul is so she could still eat human food. Her weird food combinations are a part of her character and I thought it wouldn’t be right to take that from her. It also doesn’t hurt that Orihime constantly eating food is a good cover for when the ghoul group hangs out at school. The fact that her brother was a human makes for an interesting dynamic as well.

As a half ghoul she can eat human food as much as she wants. The genetic combination may have messed with her taste buds, resulting in the strange food. She can taste it but the human food gives her almost no nutritional value. She has to eat like a ghoul in order to sustain herself.

Her main ability is in her regeneration, which is high even for a Rinkaku. Even though her kagune is fairly weak and easy to cut off, they grow back very quickly. This also applies to any injuries she takes; for example getting completely flattened by a speeding car will only take her a few hours to completely regenerate from; as long as she’s feed.

Her father was a ghoul and her mother was a human. Her mother left Sora’s father, who was a human, for Orihime’s father, a ghoul. Sora and Orihime were half siblings. After her father was killed by the CCG and her mother became an alcoholic, Sora took her and moved to Karakura. Sora at first feed her dead homeless people who he would find until he was approached by Isshin and the other adult ghouls in town who took that responsibility out of his hands. After Sora’s death, Orihime became very close to the Ishida and Kurosaki families. The fathers would make sure she was feed and the kids would make sure she wasn’t lonely.

Uryu

Uryu is an Ukaku type ghoul. His kagune is used in tandem with his quincy arrows for more projectiles and the speed boast is helpful for him to avoid attacks. Since Ryuken is still unhelpful with training him as a quincy, he at least trains Uryu as a ghoul. They still have a horrible relationship but at least they see each other now.

Since all the ghouls in town are relatively close, he is well aware that he and the Kurosaki kids are basically cousins. (Are they really though cause the relations between Masaki and Ryuken have always confused me? No matter, cousins is close enough) Mostly Yuzu (Karin absolutely does not admit to helping), convinces Uryu to visit the Kurosaki household every once in a while. Yuzu calls him cousin, Karin does when she’s happy and Ichigo only calls him that when he needs Uryu to listen to him. Isshin tries to make Uryu call him Uncle but Uryu has picked up some things from Ichigo and smacks him around when he’s being annoying; he will call Isshin uncle on special occasions though.

Due to how tight knit the ghouls in town are, Uryu is friends with the Karakura teens long before the story begins. Him, Ichigo, Orihime, and Chad sit on the roof during lunch at school. He tolerates the presence of Tatsuki and Keigo but finds them both annoying.

Once Uryu learns how to sew, he becomes the mask maker in town. Considering the small ghoul population he doesn’t have to make or fix masks that often but he does get annoyed when someone tells him they broke the mask. (All the individual masks will be another post, mainly because some still haven’t been decided)

Ryuken

Like his son, Ryuken is an Ukaku type ghoul. He still despises being “the Last Quincy” but accepts that he is a ghoul. He makes sure Uryu is prepared for the hostile world against ghouls but otherwise is still distant. Later trains Yuzu in Quincy abilities but only because Masaki asked him to before her death. He later passes this on to Uryu because he is not the best teacher.

Since he works at the hospital he needed a way to keep his kakugan from activating. Through the efforts of both him and Isshin, they annoyed Urahara so much that he made them an oral medication that prevents the kakugan from activating for a time. This is why the fathers can both work in hospitals and smell blood without people suspecting them. After all no one is going to suspect a ghoul is working at a hospital.

He provides the ghouls main source of food. When a body is in the morgue of his hospital, he contacts Urahara who replaces it with a cheap inflatable Gigai. This Gigai lasts just long enough for the funeral so the stolen bodies are never discovered. He first makes sure Uryu is feed, then Orihime and then gives the rest to the Kurosaki’s. If not enough dead bodies come in for the month then Isshin leaves town and hunts while telling others he’s at a medical conference.

Ryuken’s ghoul identity is “Plague Doctor” due to his mask. He is the second ghoul being suspected of owning Karakura town. An A ranked ghoul due to his speed and projectile weapons, he is SS ranked when working with Isshin “Flame Oni”. He hates how in sync they are but tolerates it for the safely of the town.

Occasionally joins Uryu in visiting the Kurosaki’s. He only stays for a short while to talk to Isshin about whatever important things are going on, such as taking care of all the kids. Yuzu is happy her Uncle is visiting, Karin doesn’t really care and Ichigo likes to call him out on being an emotionally distant father. Uryu proceeds to tell him to shut up, sometimes leading to brawls in the living room.

Chad

Chad is a human with a Kokaku type quinque. It’s 2 gauntlets that connect through a long chain in the middle which goes over his arms and back. It makes his fullbring even stronger when using it. It was made from his abuelo’s greatest kill as a CCG Dove (a S ranked ghoul).

He carries the quinque case in a disguise bag for 2 reasons. The first is that owning a quinque outside the CCG is illegal and he won’t let anyone take his abuelo’s gift to him. The second reason is that the quinque makes his friends very uncomfortable so he disguises it out of respect for them. He uses a larger version of his high school bag to disguise it and carries it or uses the straps to wear it like a backpack.

When he moved to Karakura he saw Ichigo in the original thug beat down at the bridge. After that day, Chad was attacked by a passing ghoul who thought he looked tasty (Ichigo was preoccupied in a store). Chad got out his quinque despite never being thought how to use it but was loosing and had heavy wounds from his enemies kagune. Ichigo came back to the sounds of fighting and attacked the ghoul with his kagune. After the fight Ichigo only then realized Chad had a quinque and froze in place out of panic. Chad put the weapons away and limped over to Ichigo to help clean the blood off him. Chad really didn’t care that his friend was a ghoul, especially since said friend just saved his life.

Ichigo took Chad home and after getting patched up by Isshin, Chad became an honorary member of the ghouls. He joined them for monthly training considering he had no idea how to use his quinque and the adults would not have this rarely kind human die. He got a mask so he could use his quinque and not get recognized. He also has a costume that covers most of his body considering a half-Mexican and half-Japanese man is very easy to recognize, especially outside of a big city.

He is just the best ghoul ally. He is a very quiet individual but he will not stay silent when someone (mainly Tatsuki) is insulting ghouls in front of him or his friends. For a man of few words his words can sure pack a punch.

Tatsuki

Tatsuki is a human and doesn’t have the best image of ghouls. After Masaki’s death and Isshin being lost in his grief, a ghoul came into town and killed Tatsuki’s father. Ryuken “took care of” the offender and was the reason Isshin got off his ass.

Since beginning high school, Tatsuki has been in a CCG program over the weekends. She adds on to her pre-existing martial arts skills and is working her way up to learning quinque combat. Her quinque would be a bikaku that is a serrated edge sword and can stretch into a whip when needed. The whip is used to hold ghouls in place as the hooked spikes cause more damage when being taken out.

Tatsuki is still friends with Orihime and Ichigo. Orihime is her best friend and they share dinner quite often. When Tatsuki starts with the ghoul hate speech, Ichigo tells her to talk about something else or he’s leaving. Orihime kinds shuts down and starts doing something else to distract herself. Tatsuki is so caught up in her rage and grief that she normally doesn’t notice when Orihime does this. She gets frustrated with Ichigo but doesn’t stay mad at him.

Urahara

Urahara is a “human” with a vast knowledge of ghouls. He is the reason the CCG ignores Karakura for as long as it does. He hacks into the data base whenever something that might be important occurs (someone having to use their kagune and there’s a security camera nearby) and deletes the data. The CCG eventually figured out that someone is wiping the data and sends Doves to investigate the town. But that’s a whole other story arc.

Jinta and Ururu are failed half ghoul experiments that he may or may not have liberated from the CCG as kids. At first he took them to examine their DNA but he grew to love them. The weird genetics has taken a toll on the kid’s bodies; Jinta needs hearing aids and Ururu wears glasses. Urahara however does him best to keep the kids healthy.

As a man of science, he has taken the liberty of getting DNA samples of all the ghouls in town as the data on ghouls is limited to the CCG’s propaganda. He may or may not want to make his own half ghoul some day (or do it to himself); all in the name of science.

His shop sells all sorts of items that the ghouls may need. It is also the place where the ghouls have their monthly meetings. Most of the kids are suspicious of Urahara since he is clearly “human”. Ryuken and Isshin trust him though so that’s good enough for the kids, at least for now.

[currywaifu]

mankai company playing hot potato with shared the brain cell

i've had writing burn out for a few days now, but i saw this ask and this was born bc i wanna write, but my brain can only go this much atm~

yes, this is a joke ✌️ a joke written by someone who also has one (1) [I] {isang} braincell.

Sakuya: tends to not get the braincell, but sometimes the members lend it to him because he's a precious 🤗 boyo who needs to be a little less gullible (looking at you, citron 👀)

Masumi: will give away the braincell to izumi 🤲🧠 might not be so bad, maybe Izumi will cook something not curry? (or she could just even bigger brained and discover a new curry recipe…)

Tsuzuru: actually gets a lot of turns with the braincell? mostly when people are asleep 😴 because he doesn’t have to fight people for it… also because he stays up 👁️👁️ bc late writing ✍️. masumi forcefully takes away the brain cell when he passes out so they can continue playing hot potato

Itaru: as if he has the stamina to play hot potato lol. probably has a braincell membership plan 🧾 specifically for work, auto deactivates when he’s gaming 🎮 F in the chat

Citron: whenever it’s his turn to get the grain sell, immediately tries to spike it ala Haikyuu style 🏐 will probably injure someone on accident (Tasuku flashbacks to beach event)

Chikage: already has his own braincells, but will still try to take Mankai’s shared braincell anyway 😌✌️

Tenma: can he just buy a braincell? 💸💳 (wait he might lose it, nvm) active participant in the hot potato. please give him the braincell. one of the few times yuki will outright cheer for tenma- it’ll benefit yuki too, after all!

Yuki: with all those witty nicknames and comments, he obviously has his own braincells… but the summer troupe makes his own braincells deteriorate 🤯. he needs a spare.

Muku: people give him the braincell willingly part 2. what does he use the braincell for? idk probably some big brain shoujo manga thing lol. maybe he writes fanfics 📝💻🖱️ using a secret moniker who knows pfft.

Misumi: “the braincell is a sankaku 🔺!” is it? there’s a chance. misumi’s triangle standards are a bit skewed, it could be a sankaku to him! might trade the braincell for a super special triangle 📐

Kazunari: oh please, kazunari has the braincells already? sometimes it’s just more fun not to use it!!! 🥳🤩 (same, kazunari) idk y’all sometimes it takes being big brain to think up dumb tiktok shit

Kumon: another one who actually needs the braincell. what a pure boy. a bit of a dummy, but very pure. may or may not offer it to juza instead ⚾🤲🍧

Banri: see, he has braincells… but hE JUST DOESN’T ALWAYS USE THEM 🤦‍♀️! banri please, stop fighting over the braincell with juza and just use the ones you already have? you know he’s using the braincell the days he doesn’t wear obnoxious animal print 🐆 over plaid. (i love you king, but why)

Juza: head empty, sweets only. also, in fact, needs the brain cell. also also, in fact, will fight banri for it. will trade the braincell for sweets tho 🍧🍨🍦🥧🧁🍰🎂🍮🍭🍬🍫🍩🍪 (i would too, juza…)

Taichi: will a braincell make taichi more popular? idk, but maybe the braincell will let him know that his puppy charm 🐶✨ would be good to utilize more lol

(actually, everyone in Ouka High needs the braincell. maybe just give it to one of them on tuesdays so they can exchange it throughout the day?)

Omi: does a braincell help you become less dense? omi’s nice enough to just let people have it tbh 😌👊 lmao can see his mom tendencies 📈 for some reason… does it take braincells to be a mom friend?

Sakyo: also already has braincells except when it comes to the director. where tf did they go, sakyo? hmmmmm? will try to monetize 💰 the shared braincell somehow, maybe even have a planned schedule 🗓️ for it with optimal borrow times.

Azami: he will finally realize that k*ss*ng 💋 before marr*age 💍, in fact, will not 🙅‍♀️ kill you… is this a good idea? do… do we give him the braincell? this knowledge might be too much for the poor boy…

Tsumugi: to everyone’s shock, he’s able to send a normal text. with emojis 😳🤭. and figures out how to use the front camera instead of turning the phone 📱 around to take a selfie 📸. magically forgets when he doesn’t have the braincell anymore.

Tasuku: please, give him a braincell. he has the stamina to fight for it anyway! his brain is like 80% acting and theatre 🎭, and the other 20% is sports and exercise ⚽🎾🏓. please. this man who will do anything if he can “use it for future acting reference”.

Hisoka: his brain is 99% filled with marshmallows... does he have space for a braincell? does he even care about the braincell? when it’s his turn, maybe he’ll eat 🍽️ properly w/o ushering needed for once.

Homare: uHHH THIS POEM 📜 KING 👑 ALREADY HAS A BUNCH OF BRAINCELLS???? SUPER 🧠 BIG 🧠 BRAIN 🧠???? HOW DARE- (he needs it too. please. his head ain’t empty, but dammit listening to his poems makes your head empty as consequence)

Azuma: also already has braincells. all his… suggestions 🥴😈? you need braincells for that! another one w/ the power to make you lose the braincells instead 🤤🤡. get ready to join the fight for mankai’s shared braincell!

Guy: technically has the braincells, but like sakuya, kind of gullible. and also has a hard time hearing things 👂🙅‍♀️. help. give him braincell... i don't think braincells fix that hold on-

wtf did i write? ah well, guess i'll post it 😌✌️

[darisu-chan]

Kaien vs Ichigo: A Memories in the Rain Analysis, Part 1

Hello

It’s me again, back with my bs lmao

I finally finished the mini arc of Memories in the Rain pt. 2 and, as I’ve been sort of discussing certain stuff that’s happened in Bleach as I re-read the chapters, I decided I needed to talk about MITR as a whole. If you’ve been following my posts, I didn’t really analyze the first part. I saved it to compare it with the second part. I also thought that instead of just saying my thoughts as I have been doing thus far, I’d go the extra mile and truly analyze both parts, specifically comparing Kaien and Ichigo.

So, sometime ago, I wrote this post about how it bothers me how people compare Kaien and Ichigo as being the same, and using that to establish IchiRuki. When, honestly, you don’t need to. Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship stands on its own. In fact, it is so strong that, years after the ending, people keep being fascinated by IR. The LA was centered on their relationship as well. And it’s still the Ichigo and Rukia show, thank you very much.

And though I made some good points in that post, I decided to further explore Kaien and Ichigo, as well as the events of both MITR and how that relates to Ichigo and Rukia.

It’s probably been done many times before, but I’ve never analyzed them in much depth, so here we go.

The first part will soley be about Ichigo and Kaien as individuals. On the second part, I’ll finally explore MITR

1. The Shiba Gene

So, as we all know, Ichigo and Kaien look like each other physically, and in Everything But the Rain we finally found out the reason why: they are cousins. This put a stop to all the “Ichigo is Kaien reborn” theories people liked to come up with back in the day.

Now, in the story, this resemblance was pointed out by Byakuya and even Ukitake, to an extent. Which means Kaien was designed to look like Ichigo on purpose to further draw parallels between them. What I mean to say is that this is a seed that was planted in the readers’ minds, and as such, comparing both guys was done on purpose.

Interestingly enough, neither Kukaku nor Ganju are ever seen to believe Ichigo looks like their older brother.

In EBTR we see Isshin as a young man, and we can see how Isshin, Ichigo and Kaien resemble each other, meaning the Shiba gene is a strong one, and, if Ichigo had actually stayed in SS, that same resemblance could have been used as a way for him to claim that part of his heritage, but I digress.

We are all aware they look like each other because they are family, so we don’t need to go deep into detail in that aspect. Now the true question is, just how similar are they to each other?

Physically speaking, there are a few noticable differences, like hair and eye color. Kaien’s hair is longer and there’s the fact Kaien has very long eyelashes, as Kukaku and Ganju have. He’s also taller.

Although key differences, they are not enough to negate their similarities. Hell, Ichigo does look more similar to Kaien than Ganju, his actual brother.

But there’s something very important that sets them apart: Kaien always carries himself as if he didn’t have a care in the world. When we’ve seen Kaien, he’s always able to smile freely. Sure, he also scowls, gets upset, and the like, but he goes back to smiling. This is something Ichigo hasn’t been able to do since his mother died. Hell, there’s a whole chapter about that (Can’t Smile Don’t Blame). There are very few times in which Ichigo actually smiles, and all of them are short-lived. In fact, whenever he’s tried to give big smiles, they seem off, as seen when he smiled to Orihime back at the beginning of MITR and later on, in the Lost Agent Arc, when he smiled at Yuzu. 

Even when Rukia has a flashback of Kaien while looking at Ichigo, their smiles look very different:

Ichigo more often than not smiles through his eyes, while Kaien tends to smile with his eyes closed:

Although brash and arrogant as well, Kaien is also more mature. He can go from joking around to having deep conversations with Rukia. Ichigo, as a teenager, has yet to mature and will become more and more like a grown up as time passes by. At this point in the manga, he really isn’t there yet. Now, this will be important later on.

In short, even though they look very similar, they carry themselves with different auras. Kaien is more of a free-spirit, while Ichigo is a person who seems to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

2. Prodigies

Ichigo, as the MC of a shounen manga, is obviously special. From the very first moment, we know he’s not like everyone else. He’s able to see spirits, which is not the norm. And then Rukia informs us his reiatsu is too powerful for a normal human.

And as time goes by, as he keeps fighting hollows, he grows exponentially. 

When Urahara trains him, he realizes that, which is why he tells Yoruichi that if there is someone who can achieve bankai in 3 days, is him.

As the story goes on, we learn that Ichigo is even more special, as he is also part Quincy and Hollow. But he also has very impressive skills when it comes to swordmanship, shunpo, and the like. 

What is more relevant is Ichigo’s ability to grow at a fast rate, always learning from his mistakes. 

And although he was never taught how to be a Shinigami in the traditional way, we can see how he surpassed his peers.

Now, although Kaien is not as special as Ichigo, we learn from Ganju that, for Shinigami standards, Kaien’s very impressive:

Hisagi, for example, failed the final exam numerous times. Rukia says she barely passed the entrace exam. Finishing the curriculum in two years is a great achievement. And the fact that he made VC in 5 years means a lot. It took Renji, let’s say, around 35 years to be promoted to VC. And Renji was in the special class at the Academy.

People like Ichigo and Kaien are not the norm. They are very skilled and special individuals. Might be because of their genes (it’s never explicitly said, but they might come from a long line of Shinigami), or just because they were gifted with those powers, but the point is these characteristics set them apart as more powerful than the rest.

3. Brash, Rule-breaking, Arrogant

The words above can be used to describe both Ichigo and Kaien, and that’s certainly Byakuya’s opinion of them.

Kaien and his siblings are not like the nobles we know. They’re certainly very different to Byakuya and the Kuchiki Clan, but they also live very differently than Soi Fon, Omaeda, the Shihouin Clan, and so on. They seem to live more like the common folk than like dignified people. Hence, Byakuya seems very against this sort of attitude, at least early on in Bleach. 

Because of being loud, less refined, brash, and with a penchant of rule-breaking, Kaien seems totally different to other nobles. However, I dare say these characteristics extrapolate what Ukitake meant in this scene:

Not anyone would be able to go against the whole Soul Society, specially if you are a Shinigami.

Byakuya was certainly not going to do any rule-breaking. As we later find out, he had even promised not to break anymore rules and was going to stick to that promise.

Renji, until confronted by Ichigo, had decided not to go against the SS.

Even Ukitake wasn’t about to start a revolution to save Rukia. It took him seeing Ichigo to decide on what to do.

Basically, only Kaien would have been upfront about his own intentions.

And what we know of Kaien is that he was the sort of guy who would break the rules when necessary. That means, that he would do the right thing. Specially when it comes to saving his peers. He even tells Rukia as much:

He might not have been the most elegant of individuals, but Kaien’s brashness and even arrogance came from the fact he had a good heart.

Now, who does exactly what Kaien would have done?

That’s right.

Ichigo.

Here the comparison of Ukitake trying to imagine what Kaien would have done is directly compared and contrasted to Ichigo, as before that scene Ichigo confronted Byakuya.

Now, Ichigo wasn’t raised as a noble. He had no idea he was one until almost the end of Bleach. But he was raised with the idea of protecting other people and of doing what is right.

We have seen him protect other people, even before he became a Shinigami (his friendship with Chad, Keigo and Mizuiru respectively reflects this, as he saved the three of them). 

Ichigo is not the kind of guy who can just do nothing while an injustice is taking place.

Ichigo has been, from the first moment we saw him, brash, rule-breaking and even arrogant, but note that from his introduction, we saw him protecting a little ghost girl. It goes to show that Ichigo would go to extremes to protect others and do what’s right. So, it’s no surprise he jumps at the chance to go to SS to save Rukia, and that he grows stronger and stronger each time to save her, as he cannot let her die. 

However, there’s a key difference.

If Kaien had been alive, he would have saved Rukia as 1) he would’ve probably figured out an execution was too hard a punishment for Rukia’s crime, 2) he told her he would always stand by her as long as they were from the same division, and 3) he wouldn’t let her just die.

But Ichigo’s reasons to save Rukia are much more complicated than that. As I’ve said in other posts, Ichigo is filled with guilt, as Rukia’s in this position because of him, firstly because she saved him by giving him her own powers to protect his family, and secondly, because Rukia got taken away to protect him as he feels he failed to protect her.

But, even then, it’s not only guilt that fuels him or the fact that he owes Rukia.

There’s the fact that Rukia is an important person to Ichigo regardless. Particularly, she is kind and good. Certainly not the type of person who deserves to die, much less because of a stupid rule.

Then, there is something else at a deeper level Ichigo doesn’t say out loud

My point with this is that Kaien and Ichigo are certainly the same type of rule-breaking people and that’s the sort of person needed to pull a stunt like saving Rukia from execution, in such a way that this person would even inspire others to help. Both guys are special in that way. However, in practice their actions come from different places. Certainly there’s a closeness Ichigo shares with Rukia due to circumstances that adds more complexity to his intent to save her and that, may I add, also fuels him to such a degree he refuses to lose. 

Which brings us to...

4. Rukia

The last main common denominator between them is no one else but Rukia, a person they both have inspired in different ways. However, the type of relationship they have with her is different.

Let’s start with Kaien:

So, their meeting takes place shortly after Rukia was adopted into the Kuchiki Clan and graduated early from the Academy. Ever since, it seems she was judged for both not really being from a noble family and from having been adopted by one. We can say that no one is looking at who Rukia truly is, but they are making assumptions about her at this point. This is isolating to Rukia, who now has to deal with a new identity and a new way of living. She’s now apart from the one person she had known most of her life to that point (Renji) and is feeling out of place.

Then, Kaien swoops in and he treats her like he would treat any other subordinate. He doesn’t treat her like a street rat, a pampered noble or even a pet. And she says it herself that having that normality is exactly what she needed. Rukia didn’t feel comfortable at home with Byakuya, but she could at least feel more at ease in her division, working under Kaien.

Their relationship was that of mentor and mentee. Later on we find out Kaien trained her in swordsmanship and probably other skills. 

But he also taught her important lessons about life:

And these are lessons Rukia will carry in her heart the whole series. Protecting others, making others feel welcomed, forming hearts with others. Rukia made hers everything that Kaien taught her. 

He’s very special in her life because Kaien was the first person to make her feel as if she belonged in her division, and even as a Shinigami.

In short, he’s acting like a parental influential, or even being the brother Byakuya failed to be at this point in time. Teaching Rukia and accepting her, so that she could feel she had a place she belonged to.

And we know that Kaien was the one to make her feel good

But here we have a power imbalance. Because Kaien is doing the teaching, he’s changing her life, but we don’t know if it’s mutual. We don’t know if Kaien was affected by Rukia’s actions and words. It’s a very unilateral situation.

Furthermore, if we go with the route of Rukia had a crush on Kaien, there’s more power imbalance and impossibilities, as we know that:

She already couldn’t be the person closest to Kaien, as Miyako existed. 

Rukia recognized Miyako as having great qualities, probably what Kaien even liked about her, and aspired to be like her:

So, Kaien and Rukia were never in a position of equality for several reasons, starting from the fact Kaien was her vice captain.

This is even exemplified when the find the hollow that killed Miyako:

Rukia acts like a subordinate, trying to be helpful, and is denied:

Finally, there’s a key aspect that I will be analyzing with more detail in another post, but Kaien is for Rukia what Masaki is for Ichigo:

The root of her trauma is that she failed to protect Kaien, who was the person who taught her so much and helped her when nobody else did. Rukia feels as if she didn’t do anything to save him from his fate:

And when Kaien became a hollow, instead of running or trying to help him, Rukia let instinct take in and we know what happens next:

And the fact she couldn’t save him is worse becase Kaien doesn’t blame her:

So Rukia ends up in a state of guilt, because she couldn’t save the one person she probably wanted to save the most.

This trauma will continue on for some time until HM, where Rukia comes to terms with what happened. However, that doesn’t change the fact that her relationship remains a one-way street.

Now, as for with Ichigo, they have a different relationship altogether. 

It is true that Rukia was Ichigo’s first teacher when it comes to Shinigami stuff, but it is not as if he never taught Rukia anything.

Their relationship is so special because they’re two sides of the same coin. The fact that one is a Shinigami and the other is a human being makes it so that they end in a relationship of equals. As Ichigo needs to learn how to be a Shinigami, Rukia has to learn how to be a human.

Even when they just tell each other their names, the panel demonstrates this equality

Even the way they’re both holding the sword symbolizes this equality:

They’re both holding it and directing it towards Ichigo due to a common goal.

The fact they also call each other by their first names is important. Rukia always used “-dono” to refer to Kaien, a term of respect, while he called her by her last name. Meanwhile, Ichigo and Rukia call each other by their first names, symbolizing they’re close, something that is even pointed out within the story.

They also grow together.

Not only does Rukia teach Ichigo about his powers and her philosophy of saving others, Ichigo keeps surprising her at every turn:

Ichigo teaches Rukia how to be human, and not in the way of how to appear human or do human things, but how to feel, how to make connections with others

We always say Rukia changed Ichigo’s world, but he had that same effect in her:

It was always a mutual thing.

A relationship so different to any other in this manga.

But the best example of how different Kaien and Ichigo’s relationships with Rukia are is the fact that Rukia doesn’t think Ichigo is like Kaien from the get go.

She’s reminded of Kaien twice:

1. When Ichigo’s fighting Grandfisher, and I’ll analyze that part in the next post.

2. When Ichigo finally appears in front of her in SS and reassures her he’s not going to die. He smiles at her and Rukia remembers Kaien’s smile. She closes her eyes due to all the emotions she’s feeling.

My best explanation as to why Rukia thinks of Kaien in that moment is, as I said before, because Kaien was also reassuring in the fact he was not gonna die, yet he did and by her hand. Rukia doesn’t want to cause Ichigo’s death and she already feels guilty about turning him into a Shinigami, Byakuya hurting him, and everything else he’s gone through to try to save her. Rukia doesn’t want Ichigo to be like Kaien and die for her sake, as she believes she’s not worthy of being saved:

This is yet another thing Ichigo and Rukia have in common, they both feel guilty for having in some way cause harm to the other. 

Because, above all else, they both want to protect the other.

The thing is, the two actually achieve it: Rukia saves Ichigo’s life in the first chapter and when Byakuya is about to kill him. While Ichigo ends up saving her from execution, making it so their relationship stays equal.

That is the beauty of IchiRuki.

It’s never unilateral, but their feelings parallel each other’s constantly.

They want to save each other and they do.

They learn from one another, and they have faith in one another.

One doesn’t take while the other receive, they both give and receive something in return.

Because, in their eyes, they are equals.

Anyway,

This is the end of this very long post.

The rest of MITR will be analyzed in a later post.

Thanks for reading!

[ldybluerse]

In Which Fluffy Hair Becomes Habit

I’m going meta y’all; this is a fanfic of a fanfic headcanon!  Recently @10yrsyart had some questions about their fluffy-haired book Crowley, which only happens when Crowley is sleeping.  This lead to comments suggesting how to get more fluffy-haired Crowley.  My mind went “The only way to get Crowley to change something is to get “weaponize” book Aziraphale”.

I made a short comment about it, and then it turned into a ficlit.  I hope you like!

@10yrsyart, feel free to tell me to pull this post if you don’t like it or you don’t want fanfiction of your fanfiction.  I completely understand and will respect your wishes.  

——————————————————

Sleep, strictly speaking, is not necessary for Angels or Demons.  They can spend their whole existence without even a short siesta.  Crowley does not need to sleep for his survival like humans but he does need sleep, as it helps his mental state.  Crowley just simply likes sleep, if his century-long “nap” was any evidence of this.  Also, it's just nice to shut out the world for a while and to shut out his own thoughts.  To have a break from the racing worries and stressful reminders of things.  Bonus, it is an excuse to cuddle with his Angel.  He avoids outwardly admitting it, but he does love to be close to Aziraphale.  

The only thing with sleeping though was that one must (usually) wake up eventually, the problem is not so much as having to wake-up Crowley (although plenty of humans do not like waking up either), because he most certainly is not a morning person, but that he was not the most attentive or aware when waking up. Whether “morning” actually happens before twelve p.m. or does not happen until late into the afternoon, Crowley does not wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.  He wakes up with barely opened eyes and a bushy-head of hair.  This meant a zombie-like snake Demon would wander about in his black shorts and a loose black t-shirt with his golden eyes barely open, if opened at all.  Most of the time Crowley mumbled under his breath as he shuffled about their cabin, working towards waking up enough to get properly in the shower. There had been times he got in clothed due to his sleepiness. During this half-awake state he sometimes would walk into things or trip over furniture, swore and blessed at the offending item, before turning red and shuffling faster towards his destination, a little more alert than he was before.  With his mind working better he is also able to better panic about the fact that his Angel might have seen his clumsiness and that was not a good look.

Which, of course, Aziraphale has seen most of these bumbling about since they moved in together.  It was Aziraphale’s favorite part of the morning routine.  While Crowley thrived on sleeping, Aziraphale did not bother (it wasted precious book-reading time).  Since the Angel did not sleep, he was able to enjoy the adorable display almost every morning.  It was part of his own routine to stay in his blue flannel pajamas reading quietly and sipping a cuppa while he waited for Crowley to wake.  He then would stay in bed while Crowley failed at functioning.  For Aziraphale, these tender morning moments were a precious bonus for the six thousand years of waiting for their time together.  It was especially a treasure because Crowley was unkempt and relaxed, a drastic difference from the attempt at being suave and cool the alert and on guard Crowley is.

This morning Crowley was muttering something about socks, accentuating the “Ss” to the point he might as well have been hissing at the beginning and end of the word.  The Angel smiled as he watched the shuffling continue towards the bathroom.  Crowley did not wear socks, so why he was worried about them was an intriguing puzzle to the Angel.  He watched as Crowley walked into the bathroom door, stumbled back and rubbed his face.  His eyes must have been closed for him to have missed a whole bright white door right in front of him.  Ah, Crowley’s brain was beginning to function because he went rigid mid-rant at the door.  He slowly began to look over his shoulder towards his Angel.

Aziraphale knew the cues and when to look back at his book, innocently sipping at his cuppa. Pretending he had not seen a thing. The appearance of his dimpled soft smile was an obvious tell that he saw everything.  

Crowley cursed and ran his hand through his bed head, messing the black fluff further.

Aziraphale looked up, glasses low on his nose so his blue eyes could peer over the rim, “My Dear, you look lovely with your hair like that.  I should have mentioned sooner, I have been admiring the way it looks for some time now.”  Aziraphale’s smile grew as he spoke, those dimples on full display.  “Your normal style is lovely too, but I do not get to see this look as readily as the other.”

Crowley’s blush went from a faint coloring to turning his whole face beat red.  He decided now was the time to make his exit and ran into the bathroom door again.  Grabbed the handle, threw the door open and disappeared behind it to completely melt into a snake Demon goo with how happy he was.  He would deal with the anxiety of how dumb he looked later.

Aziraphale was enough of a bastard to know what he was doing and what reaction he would get from Crowley.  This was also adorable, seeing him flustered and feeling the spike of love coming from his Demon.  He was also aware of the effect his words may have, six thousand years taught one a lot about their best friend and partner.

The effect of Aziraphale’s words came to fruition later on that week, it took Crowley time to work up his courage.  The Angel was enjoying his book in the living room while Crowley was perched on the corner of the couch.  It was the movement of Crowley obviously stretching out his lithe body that made Aziraphale look up from his book to see what was going on.  Crowley tended to get himself into a spot and stay curled up there, sometimes for hours without moving much at all.  After the stretch, Crowley used both hands to mess up his slicked-back hair, leaving a messy fluff.  It was not like Crowley never grabbed at his hair in worry, or pushed back strands that were not actually out of place, but he never intentionally ruffled his hair to this degree and left it before.  He tried to “casually” return to his position but it was clear to Aziraphale that Crowley was a ball of nerves and anxiety.  

Aziraphale smiled as he pretended he never looked up while Crowley fidgeted and kept glancing over to see if Aziraphale had noticed.  After a few tense moments, for Crowley -Aziraphale was fine and relaxed- Aziraphale stood to get himself a refill, as he passed Crowley he tenderly fluffed up his hair with a smile.  “I never realized your hair was so soft before.”  He continued on his way, leaving Crowley to melt again.  

It soon became a nightly ritual; when it was close to the time for bed, long past visiting hours or being out for dinner, Crowley would ruffle his hair up.  This also started a trend where Aziraphale would softly stroke the messy hair while Crowley slept and he read his books.  It took a bit of a bastard move and weaponizing his dimples, but the end result was exactly what Aziraphale wanted; Crowley being able to be a little bit more relaxed around him.

——————————————————

I have not read the book yet, I have it but my brain is on strike (a.k.a. depression).  So, I am basing book Aziraphale and book Crowley 100% on 10yrsyart’s headcanons and some background tidbits I have seen floating on the internet.  If I got anything wrong, I’m sorry.

[eusage]

⟨ LEE TAEMIN. CIS MALE. HE/HIM. ⟩ though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, SAGE HWANG is actually a descendent of H E C A T E. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-SEVEN year old MIST MANIPULATION MAJOR from NEW YORK, USA has taken after their godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite EMPATHETIC & ERRATIC. 

hi everyone!! my name is xun and i am so excited to be  here! c: i present to you the emotional hurricane that is sage hwang! he is a son of hecate and i cannot wait to get this all started! 

i actually have a profile page over here: x, a look into the history of sage over here x and you can read all about his personality and powers on the acceptance post over here x! 

sage hwang was born in brooklyn, nyc and has lived there up until deciding to join eonia. 

he has always lived alone with his stoner dad and mostly had to take care of himself. his childhood isn’t all bad, though. he’s got a lot of good memories with his father, and it wasn’t until sage was almost of age that the drug addiction really took a turn for the worst.

the addiction quickly got out of hand, and after his father refused to accept help and always being completely drugged out, sage eventually left him by himself.

he did put a protection spell on his father, though, and still secretly peeked into his life from time to time.

17-year-old sage barely had any money at the time and decided to take shelter in an abandoned building. he kept himself warm during the cold nights with his pyrokinesis powers and protected the building with various concealment spells.  he lived alone like that for a while, but eventually found other demigods to keep him company.

he’s provided a safe shelter to various lone demigods he’s come across. while he provided them with safety and the warmth of a fire, he’d ask them to use their own powers to survive in any way they could as well. that way, they’d be able to live comfortably and help each other out. (plus he absolutely SUCKS at physical combat, so anyone with superhuman strength would a++)

he’s very empathetic and forgiving, so even to the (often) jaded demigods that would show up with bad attitudes, he tried his best to help them in any way he could. sometimes, to the point where it became ridiculous. the only thing he would throw a demigod out for was if they continuously endangered the safety of the others.

sage is very kind, but also highly emotional. kind of like a ticking time bomb. he can get very upset/angry whenever people close to him put himself in danger. it doesn’t help that he always feels like there is more that he can do to be better. hence why he eventually decided to attend eonia. he wants to ensure he really is doing the most he can to protect those around him, without feeling tense 24/7. 

but he does pray to hecate every single day to make sure the people he left behind in new york are okay. 

his powers work best at night so he usually naps a lot throughout the day and is awake all night to practice his skills. 

okay so summarising all of that was kinda shitty BUT i do have some plot requests + thread ideas here ( i purposely made them very vague so we can discuss and adjust them more in private c: )

POSITIVE

BEST FRIENDS (0/2) (requirements: age 24+).  sage is the type of person to always take care of anyone and everyone if he can, but you are one of the very few people that actually allow him to relax for a moment. might have met before in new york, or maybe you got close very fast during your time at eonia. 

NEW YORK DEMIGODS (0/?)  back in new york, you stayed with sage and his group of demigods for a while. might have taught each other a thing or two as well, perhaps have had to save each other, etc etc. 

COFFEE PRINCE(SS) (0/1) the one person who truly understands what a night owl like sage needs to get through the day: coffee. it started with you randomly bringing him a cup while he was falling asleep again, but ended in a beautiful friendship.

RAY OF SUNSHINE (0/1) (preferably apollo’s children, i guess, but any muse who loves to make music is fine!) sage absolutely loves to dance and release his stress, you love making music: perfect combination. he always comes your way just to clear his head for a moment.

NEUTRAL

EX-LOVERS (0/2) (requirements: age 24+, gender not important.) you dated for a while (before eonia or during your time at eonia), but things didn’t work out the way you wanted to and so you broke it off. whether or not they are on good terms now is up for discussion, but in all likeliness sage DOES try to avoid you because of the emotional burden he does not want to carry. (sage has a tendency to walk off during fights as well, so that could also be part of the reason for the break up) 

NEGATIVE

ENEMIES (0/?) while sage is not the type of person to straight up fight people, he still rubs people the wrong way sometimes. he might have been too sensitive in response to something your muse said or did. or maybe there was an incident while he was trying to practice his pyrokinesis skills and you’ve never really forgiven him for it. 

ONE SIDED CRUSH (0/1) (requirements age 24+) for a while, sage has had a huge crush on you and actually seemed to be under the impression that his feelings were reciprocated. but, alas, they weren’t, and him being the absolute emotional wrecking ball that he is, took full offense to it. he now tries his best to avoid you. friends? you thought. 

threads ideas:

heard you like to experiment with herbal cigarettes, can i join you please?

your dad is a tattoo artist, right? are you skilled too?? can you draw a tattoo on me too?? (bonus points for being drunk/high and regretting it later)

we are teamed up for our combat tactics class, but honestly, i have NEVER seen someone suck so hard at this. can i get a new teammate please? (no? ok.)

i don’t really like you much, but i need help in the witchcraft department and i really can’t ask anyone else 

drunk threads! sage doesn’t drink a lot, but when he does, he gets wasted fairly quickly. which drunk sage are you gonna get today? happy? sad? clingy? find out after the break

idk please just plot with me ill think of something else!!

[s-oulpunk]

Vendetta (1/3) - Stenbrough

Summary: All Bill really wants is a shoulder to cry on.  All he really wants is for someone to tell him it’s going to be alright.  Robert has never let him down in that regard.

-

Bill hasn't been the same since his brother's disappearance, and the only man that seems to understand him is Robert "Bob" Gray. It doesn't matter that he's three times his age, Bill craves that understanding. He craves for someone to look him in the eye and tell him that everything's going to be okay. Unfortunately, there's always a price to pay, and Georgie was only the beginning.

TW: Violence, Manipulation, Non-Con, Kidnapping

Notes: This is a lot darker than my other fics, and, basically, I am so sorry.  The non-con stuff isn’t super graphic, but it is there so please be careful.

There are three parts to this fic.  I promise I will post them all, but updates will be slow.  All the chapters are really long and I’m busy with a lot of other things, so it takes me awhile to finish.

Also while this is technically a Stenbrough fanfic, their relationship isn’t the main focus of the fic.  It carries a lot of the plot but, overall, the fic is about Bill’s journey.

Read on AO3

Part One:

The Disappearance Of Georgie Denbrough:

Georgie Denbrough has been missing for half a year when Robert Gray shows up.  He just waltzes into Bill’s life, with a charming smile and sympathetic eyes that tell stories Bill can’t quite understand yet.  If Bill stares into them long enough, he thinks he can start to see pieces of some of those stories.  And they chill him to the bone.

He doesn’t know why.  He doesn’t know what exactly the stories are (and a part of him doesn’t know if he will ever want to), but Bill doesn’t need to know to feel the chill that runs down his back.

Robert Gray’s eyes are haunting.

And yet the rest of him is friendly enough, so Bill tries to not let himself worry over his eyes too much.  Instead he focuses on the warmth of Robert’s hand on his shoulder, on the way he smiles so wide it nearly splits his face in half, on the kind words he utters when Bill comes to him sobbing at odd hours of the day.

His friends don’t see it that way.

They see Robert and they see, to put it plainly, a creep who jumped at the opportunity to spend time with a bunch of fifteen year olds.  And they have no qualms about letting Bill know about their true feelings.

“You’re gonna get fucking murdered, Bill,” Eddie had said a few days after Robert’s first appearance. “You’re gonna get kidnapped and raped and then you’re gonna get murdered, is that what you want?  They’re gonna find your body in the basement of some creepy old house or, or, or deep in the woods or, like, in his bedroom.  And your skin’s gonna be all gross and decaying.  Or, fuck, what if he’s like some crazy cannibal?  They’re gonna find you with chunks of flesh missing and an eyeball in a martini glass and he’ll be making some kind of crazy, fucked up, dinner using your insides - Fuck, Bill!  Is that what you want?”

Bill thinks Eddie has quite the imagination.

All Bill really wants is a shoulder to cry on.  All he really wants is for someone to tell him it’s going to be alright.  Robert has never let him down in that regard.

“He’s a guh-good guy,” Bill had told Eddie. “You jj-juh-just have to give him a chance.”

Eddie had merely scoffed and told Bill he would never, ever let Robert Gray get close enough to do that.

Bill thinks that’s a tad bit unfair, but Eddie refuses to budge.

Sometimes, when Bill looks into Robert’s eyes, he can see why.  But those moments are fleeting.  They’re only a few seconds of gut twisting, vomit inducing anxiety before he remembers who he’s talking to and he’s overrun with unshakeable guilt.

In the weeks since, his friends still haven’t come around.  But they will eventually, Bill’s sure of it.

As of currently, they’re crowded into the clubhouse.  Richie and Eddie are curled up together in the hammock, lost in their own little world.  Bev is smoking by the open trapdoor.  Ben and Mike have combined efforts to put various posters and photos on the walls.  And Bill is sitting in the far corner, softly murmuring his latest story and trying very hard not to think about the fact that Stan is sitting so close he might as well be on his lap.

Stan doesn’t say a word throughout the story.  Instead he listens attentively, like Bill’s thoughts are worth paying attention to.  It makes Bill’s heart melt just a little bit.

When he finishes, he puts the notebook down gently, and turns to stare curiously at Stan. “So?”

“I didn’t like the ending,” is all Stan says.

“That’s ww-wh-what you said about my last one!” Bill exclaims.

“It’s too sad,” Stan says. “Sean never gets to go back home.  All his friends and family are looking for him, and he’s stuck trapped in his own head forever.”

“Robert luh-luh-liked it.”

Stan scoffs loudly. “Do I look like Robert to you?”

This, admittedly, does earn a chuckle from Bill.

“Just because it’s ss-suh-sad doesn’t mean that it’s not good.”

“But Sean deserves to be happy, don’t you think?”

Bill considers this for a moment.  Then, “Nope!” he says, popping the P.

“Why not?” Stan asks, lurching backwards to stare at him incredulously.

“Because I mmm-muh-made him,” Bill says. “And, therefore, I can dd-do whatever I want with him.”

Stan hums softly because, technically, this is true, but, “Why don’t you use your power for good?”

There’s a beat of silence.

“That rr-ruh-rarely happens in real life,” Bill murmurs.

It’s so much sadder than their previous conversation, and much more serious.  Bill almost feels bad saying it.  But it’s true.  People are rarely happy in real life, and if there is someone in the sky looking out for them, they sure as hell aren’t changing their ending to please their friend.  Even if said friend is cute as a button.

“I guess so,” whispers Stan. “But don’t you wish it did?”

“Yeah.” Bill does.  All the time. “Sometimes.”

Stan shuffles closer, tucking his head between Bill’s shoulder and neck.  Bill tries to ignore the heat that sprouts there, spilling through his veins and out to the rest of his body, making him tingly all over.  But he can’t.  As soon as it gets his attention, he’s gone.  The clubhouse disappears, replaced by Stan and the warmth that fills his veins.

“I think you’re gonna be alright,” Stan says. “Whoever’s writing your ending is looking out for you.”

Bill fiddles nervously with the corner of his notebook. “Robert thinks we mmm-muh-might still be able to find jj-juh-juh-Georgie.”

“I...Yeah.  Maybe.”

Stan looks so defeated.  Like he knows Bill won’t listen to whatever he has to say.  Which, in all honesty, he probably wouldn’t.  But that doesn’t make Bill feel any less guilty.

“Are you still looking for him?” Stan asks.  But he knows the answer.

“Yeah,” Bill says. “Robert usually huh-helps me.”

“That’s nice of him.”

“Mhm.  We’re supposed to go ll-luh-look down by the barrens later today.”

“Oh.”

Bill can feel Stan stiffen beside him.  He’s got his legs pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped securely around his knees, and Bill’s sure that, if he were wearing shorts, his fingernails would be digging into his skin, judging by how tightly he’s gripping his knees.

“Robert?” The intrusion, while Bill loves all his friends, is unwelcomed.  These moments with Stan feel intimate.  Special.  Richie doesn’t get to interrupt just because he overhears something he doesn’t like. “You’re still talking to that freak?” He’s swinging slowly in the hammock, a worn out comic in one hand, Eddie wrapped securely in the other.  But he’s not paying attention to either.  Instead he’s got his gaze fixed on Bill, his glasses making his infuriated eyes seem 12x bigger.

Bill rolls his eyes. “He’s not that bad, Rich.”

“Not that bad?” Richie says. “Eds, did you hear that?  Robert’s not that bad!  Not at all!  We better shout this from the rooftops.  Hey, Losers!  Robert’s not that bad!”

“Sh-Sh-Shut up, Richie,” Bill groans.

“We’re just worried,” Bev says.  She flicks some of the cigarette ash onto the ground. “You can’t blame us for that.”

It’s true, he can’t, but, “Yuh-You don’t have anything to be worried about.”

Bev hums softly.  She clearly doesn’t believe him.  It infuriates Bill a little bit, but he wills those emotions away.  These are his friends, of course they would be worried.

Stan must sense another quarrell coming on, he’s got a fifth sense for that kind of stuff, because he gently taps Bill’s knee and murmurs, “Write me another story.”

And who is Bill to argue?

-

Bill doesn’t like the barrens.  He had been so hopeful when he first started searching here, so sure he would find clues.  Subconsciously he had hoped he would find Georgie just sitting there, patiently waiting for his big brother to find him.

But he never did.

And now the barrens represent that failure, that loss.  He doesn't know if he’ll ever be able to step foot in them again without remembering the brother who didn’t come home.  And yet he’s still down here constantly, still searching for possible clues.  He still never finds any.

“This is useless,” Bill hisses. “Hh-huh-he’s not down here.  He’s not-” He sniffs harshly.  He can already feel the tears stinging at his eyes. “This is sss-stuh-stupid.  Dad’s ruh-ruh-right, he’s-” Bill grits his teeth.  He can’t afford to think like that. “We need to look somewhere else.  If he ww-wuh-was here, he’s not anymore.”

Robert glances at him curiously. “Where do you want to look?”

“I-” Bill doesn’t have an answer.  Because he’s looked, quite literally, everywhere.  He’s searched every inch of this god forsaken town, then searched it again, and again, and again.  There’s nowhere else to look. “Maybe he got ll-luh-lost.  In the woods.  Maybe we jj-juh-just have to look harder.”

It’s pathetic, really.

On some level, Bill knows Georgie isn’t in the woods.  He knows he isn’t anywhere.  No seven year old can survive for half a year on their own.  And yet he can’t admit it, even to himself.

“We’ve checked the woods, kid,” Robert says with a heavy sigh.

“But - But -” Oh, nononono, Robert’s giving up on him too.  The one person who didn’t judge him, and now he thinks he’s gone crazy as well.  Not that Bill can really blame him.  Sometimes he wonders about his own sanity. “We haven’t looked that dd-deep.” Bill knows he sounds desperate, but he can’t stop it. “Maybe - Maybe we’ll ff-fuh-find something.” Before Robert can respond, because Bill knows that look in his eye, knows he won’t be getting the answer he wants, he hurriedly adds, “I can do something for you.”

That catches Robert’s attention.  It always does.

He hesitates, and for a moment Bill worries his answer isn’t going to change.  But then he says, “Alright, get in the truck,” and Bill doesn’t think he’s heard a better suggestion in all of his life.

He practically runs to the truck.  Not that it matters.  He still has to wait for Robert to open it, because he has, like, a million locks on the damned thing.

Robert unlocks it with a chuckle, like Bill’s a child who just asked the sugariest cereal at the grocery store.

“Okay,” Bill says, as soon as they’re both seated. “I think we sh-sh-should check past the town limits.  We huh-haven’t looked-”

“Bill.” Robert chuckles again. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Bill’s heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach. “Nn-Nuh-Now?”

Robert looks at him pointedly. “There won’t be time afterwards.”

Which, Bill supposes is true.  Once he starts looking, he doesn’t stop until he can’t see two feet in front of him.  Even then, oftentimes he has to be dragged away.

But he hates this part.  It makes him feel weird, like there’s dirt trapped under his skin that he can’t dig out.  Being able to wait a few more hours would be nice.  Nevertheless, a deal’s a deal.

“Alright,” he murmurs. “Yuh-Yeah, okay.  Just-” Maneuvering himself into the right position is, admittedly, harder than it looks.  The truck is cramped and by the time Bill manages to find a semi-comfortable position, Robert’s already growing impatient.

Bill’s barely managed to get Robert’s belt open before calloused fingers are grasping at his hair, pushing him down, down, down until air has become a precious resource.  Luckily, Bill doesn’t have to do too much work this time.  This happens sometimes, if Robert gets too rowdy too fast.  He’ll take control of Bill’s actions, ignoring if he gags or if his face turns purple, forcing him to go as fast or as slow as he wants.

As much as Bill hates having to work hard at something that is, admittedly, disgusting - not that he’d ever dare say that to Robert’s face - having Robert control him is always so much worse.  Bill’s sure Robert wouldn’t ever hurt him, but it’s clear in moments like these who has the control.  If something went wrong, Bill wouldn’t be able to get away.  He can’t move an inch.

But he shouldn’t be worrying about that.  Because nothing’s going to go wrong.  Besides, Robert’s doing so much for him, this is the least he could do.

It seems to take forever before Robert’s finished.  But once he is, Bill jumps back, cheeks still puffed wide like a hamster.  This is the worst part, he thinks.  And the longer he waits, the worse it is, but he can’t get himself to take that last fucking step.

“Good?” Robert purrs.  Bill nods, even though he wishes the ground would swallow him whole, because what the fuck else is he supposed to do? “You look so pretty like this.” Bill wants to cry.  Which is a stupid fucking reaction.  Who cries after - after - after that? “C’mon.” Robert’s got a hand on his cheek, thumb gently brushing the bone. “I know you can do it.” And, God, Bill just wants him to stop talking.  So he does it.  He swallows as quickly as he can, fighting his instinct to gag it all back up. “Good boy.”

Bill turns quickly, forcing Robert’s hand to slip off his face. “Can ww-wuh-we go nuh-now?” he asks.  He stares straight ahead as Robert starts the car.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t mean anything.  He’s still fine.  He’s still good.  He’s still redeemable.

-

The next day, things are not better.

They didn’t find anything relating to Georgie, the Losers still think Robert’s a creep, and, to make it all worse, Bill’s throat feels like it’s on fire.

“You don’t sound too good, Billy,” Eddie says. “You might be getting sick.”

Bill hums softly.  “Mm-Maybe-” he winces at how rough his voice sounds. “-Maybe I sh-sh-should go home.”

“Just rest here,” Stan suggests. “You can stay in my bed.”

“I - I don’t wanna get you ss-suh-sick.”

Stan shrugs. “It’s fine, I can change the sheets.  I know how to do laundry.” Richie wolf whistles from across the room. “Oh, fuck off!”

“We can make you soup,” Eddie says.  He’s already gathering the ingredients, so Bill supposes there’s no point in arguing.

He drags his feet up to Stan’s room, ignoring the growing pit in his stomach.  He should just tell them the truth.  It’s not that big of a deal, right?

It’s not until he’s curled up in bed that he notices Bev standing in the doorway.

“I know you’re not sick,” she says.

“I am,” Bill insists. “Doctor E-Eddie said suh-so.”

Bev gently shuts the door behind her. “Doctor Eddie’s also never had his throat fucked before.”

Bill winces. “That’s nuh-not what happened.”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” she hisses. “I’m not an idiot.  You have to stop doing this.”

“I’m not doing ah-anything wrong!”

“You protected me from my dad, you think I’m not gonna do the same for you?”

“It’s not th-th-the same.  Wuh-We’re just friends, Bevvy.”

“He is not your friend, William.” Bev regards him warily. “I won’t tell the others.  But I think you should really think about your so-called friendship with Robert.” Bev turns to re-open the door.  At the last minute, she turns back to face Bill. “Stan wants to know if you’re staying over.  Ya know, parents out of town.  Losers sleepover.”

Bill nods. “Pp-Pruh-Probably.”

Bev smiles softly. “Cool.  And think about it, Bill.  Alright?  We really do want to help.”

And then she’s gone, leaving Bill alone with his thoughts.

The worst part of the conversation is that Bill remembers having the same talk with Bev a little less than a year ago.  Their places had been reversed then.  Bill had dragged her away from the prying eyes of the rest of the Losers and begged and begged until she broke.  She told him everything that night.  And he held her through all of it, clutching her to his chest as Beverly Marsh, perhaps the strongest of them all, sobbed into his shoulder.

The memory is still raw, and not one he’s willing to share with anyone.  She told the rest of the Losers the next day, but that night had been something private.  Something that wasn’t meant to be shared.

It had been one of the most terrifying nights of Bill’s life.  Second only to realizing Georgie wasn’t coming home.

The thought almost makes him chase after her, almost makes him tell her everything.

Except it’s not the same.  Because nothing’s wrong.

Robert’s not his father.  Robert’s his friend.  He holds him when he cries, and listens to him when he needs to talk about Georgie again and again and again, and takes him wherever he wants to look for his baby brother, even if he knows they won’t find anything.

He’s sure if he explained that, she would understand.  He didn’t understand either at first.  But, “It’s just like a trade,” Robert had told him. “Remember how I drove you to town limits?  I even bought you lunch afterwards.  I do so much for you.”  Which, admittedly, is true.

It’s not like Robert’s holding him down or ripping his clothes off.  Bill goes willingly, even if he cries afterwards sometimes.  But Robert says that’s normal.

“Knock, knock.” Stan’s standing in the doorway now, a piping hot bowl of chicken noodle soup in his hands. “Eddie’s insistent that this will cure you.”

“Mmm.  Doctor’s oh-orders,” Bill says, making grabby hands at the bowl.

“Doctor’s orders,” Stan repeats, a fond smile on his face.

He closes the door gingerly behind him before crossing to sit on the edge of the bed, soup balanced carefully on his lap.

Bill looks forward to these moments with Stan.  These quiet, intimate moments where it feels like anything is possible.  It’s these moments that make him think maybe this godforsaken town is wrong, and the way he feels about his friend is okay.  It’s these moments that make him think maybe Stan feels it too.

“Are you gg-guh-gonna spoon feed me soup?” Bill asks as he fumbles to sit upright.

Stan just shrugs. “I mean, you’re sick.”

Bill nods gravely. “Deathly ill.”

That makes Stan crack a smile, but he quickly ducks his head in an attempt to hide it from Bill’s prying eyes.  Bill sees it though, and it warms his heart far more than the soup ever could.

“Alright,” Stan murmurs. “Open wide.”

The soup, to put it lightly, is not good.

Out of all the Losers, Mike and Ben are probably the best cooks.  But judging by how anal retentive Eddie is, Bill has no doubt that he refused their help.  He can practically see him, in his head, shooing away his friends as Ben desperately tries to salt the slowly warming broth.

He doesn’t say a word, but Stan must notice the way Bill’s face contorts as he tries to force the soup down because he murmurs a quiet, “Sorry.  Eddie thought adding anything else would take away from its quote unquote healing properties.”

Stan’s always been able to read him like a book.  All the Losers are close, but something’s special about his friendship with Stan.  Bill’s never had to say a word for him to know exactly what he’s thinking.

“Ff-Fuh-Figures,” Bill says.

“He just worries about you,” Stan says.

“He sh-shouldn’t have to. That’s not his jj-juh-job.”

Stan shrugs. “You would do the same for him.”

Bill doesn’t answer, because he knows it’s true.

-

At around 1 in the morning, Bill decides he can’t stay over any longer.

He’s got the bed to himself, on account of him being “sick,” but the rest of the Losers are spread unceremoniously across the floor.  He has to tiptoe over their sleeping bodies, nearly tripping over Mike’s legs, to get to the door.  And, of course, Richie and Eddie are cuddled up directly against it.  He nudges them away with the top of his foot until there’s enough distance for him to slip out, which he does as quickly as possible.

He grabs the phone in the kitchen, which he’s sure is far enough away that it won’t wake the others, and quickly punches in the numbers swimming through his head.

The phone rings once, twice, three times.  Enough that he thinks maybe he won’t pick up.  But right as he’s about to hang up, a quiet voice rumbles through his ear, “Hello?”

“Robert!” he chirps.

“Billy?  What the hell are you doing up at this hour?”

Bill gnaws nervously on his lower lip.  Of course Robert’s asleep, he should’ve remembered that tiny detail.

“Sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t huh-have woken you.”

“It’s alright, kid,” Robert says. “I’m up now.  What do you need?”

“Can you pick me up?” Bill asks, before he can talk himself out of it.

“Sure,” Robert says through a yawn. “You at your house?”

“I’m at mm-muh-my friend’s house,” Bill says. “Hang on, I’ll guh-get you the address.”

Once he’s sure Robert’s going to come, he sets about writing a note for the Losers.  He knows there’s pen and paper back in Stan’s room, but it’s too risky going back there, so he settles for digging through the office until he finds what he needs.

He’s halfway through said note when a soft noise startles him.  He whips around, half expecting to come face to face with a knife-wielding murderer.  But it’s just Stan.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

He’s blinking sleepily, obviously barely staying awake, and his hair is sticking up in all directions.  His pajamas are a little too big on him, which is a sudden change from the Stanley that refuses to wear anything unless it fits just right.  It’s suddenly too difficult to not imagine Stan in one of Bill’s oversized flannels.

It’s all so overwhelming that Bill nearly forgets to respond.

“What’s that?” Stan asks again, gesturing weakly to the pen in Bill’s hand.

“I - Uh - I’m guh-gonna go,” Bill says. “I just - I dd-duh-didn’t want you to freak out in the morning.”

Stan cocks his head curiously, and it’s so cute that Bill nearly calls Robert to tell him he’s changed his mind. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah,” Bill murmurs. “I’m ss-sorry.  I don’t wanna get you guys sick.”

A more honest man would have told Stan that he’s terrified of facing Bev’s wrath again tomorrow.  But Bill never claimed to be an honest man.

“Is your dad picking you up?” Stan asks.

“I - Um - I called Robert.”

That makes Stan pause. “You gave Robert my address?”

“How else is he gonna puh-pick me up?” It’s a lame argument, but it’s all Bill’s got.

Stan seems to be at a loss for words too, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. “But - But - Why - I don’t want-”

“It’s ff-fuh-fine, Stan,” Bill assures him. “He’s not even gonna come inside.”

“I don’t know if that defines fine,” Stan grumbles.

Robert pulls up less than a minute later.

Bill scrambles to give Stan a hug before rushing outside to meet him.  The summer air keeps most of the cold at bay, but it’s still fairly chilly, so Bill throws himself into the car as quickly as he can.

“Th-Thanks,” Bill says.

“Don’t mention it,” Robert says.  He sounds much more awake now than over the phone. “You alright?”

“Mhm,” Bill says. “Jj-Juh-Just had to get out of there.” It’s then that Bill realizes the street they’re on doesn’t go to his house. “Wh-Where are we going?”

“Back to my place,” Robert says. “Figured we might as well just rest there.  That alright?”

Bill figures that sounds reasonable enough. “Yeah.  Th-That’s alright.”

In all honesty, it is fine.  What’s Bill gonna do at home?  Sit and stare at his ceiling all night and then not talk to his parents the next morning because they don’t care what happens to him?  Sounds fun, but he’ll have to pass.

Bill’s never been to Robert’s apartment before.  It’s smaller than he expected, but nice nonetheless.  It has a cute little kitchen, a big, comfy couch directly across from an old TV, and huge, open windows.  It’s normal.  Almost overwhelmingly normal.

Bill almost wants to call his friends and tell them as much. “He’s not a psychopath,” he would say. “What kind of psychopath lives in a normal apartment?”

Psychopaths live in old, run down, abandoned houses in the middle of nowhere.  Friendly people who are absolutely nothing like Beverly’s father live in normal apartments.

“You have a nuh-nice apartment,” Bill says, politely.

Robert chuckles lowly. “Thank you.”

Then a hand is being placed on the small of Bill’s back and he’s being pushed farther and farther into the apartment until he collapses into the big, comfy couch.  Robert sits next to him, a single casual hand on his shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Bill shrugs. “It’s not a bb-big deal.  They just...They don’t understand.  Ss-Suh-Sometimes it’s hard to be around them.”

It’s not completely true.  They’ve lost people before.  Eddie lost his father.  Mike lost his parents.  Stan lost his grandmother just a month or two ago.

But it’s not the same.  Because none of them were responsible for that loss.

Robert nods and pulls Bill closer to him, tucking him against his side.

“People who haven’t been through what you have, they’ll never understand,” Robert says. “They don’t know what it’s like to lose someone like that.  The bond between siblings is something special, and tearing it apart is one of the most painful things one could do.”

Bill sniffles quietly and shuffles closer to Robert’s side, burying his face in his shoulder. “I muh-muh-miss hh-him.”

“I know,” Robert coos.  A gentle hand cards through Bill’s hair. “I know you do.”

“Duh-Does it even get easier?” Bill asks, voice muffled through the fabric of Robert’s T-Shirt.

Robert sighs heavily. “I’m gonna be honest with you kid, not really.” He chuckles softly at the whine Bill lets out. “I know, I know.  But you learn to live with it.  I miss my brother every day, it’s just a part of my life now.”

Bill twists around to stare up at Robert with wide, starry eyes. “Wh-What was your brother like?”

“Maturin was the sweetest soul I’ve ever known.  He always put others before himself, always made sure everyone else was happy.  He would give up everything if it just meant I would crack a smile.” He offers Bill perhaps the saddest smile he’s ever seen. “The best of us are truly the ones we lose too soon.”

Bill nods mutely.  Georgie was truly the best of the Denbrough family.  He was always willing to help out however he could, even as young as he was, and was always happiest whenever everyone else was happy.  It almost pains Bill to hear someone else described as the “sweetest soul.”

“I’m - I might guh-go to bed,” Bill mutters. “I’m - I’m pp-pruh-pretty tired.”

“Great idea,” Robert says.  As if on cue, he lets out a loud yawn.

“Do you huh-have some blankets I could borrow?”

“Yeah, sure,” Robert says.  He makes a show of walking towards the linen cabinet before stopping and turning back towards Bill. “Ya know, why don’t you just sleep in my bed tonight.”

Bev’s words ring out through Bill’s head.  He forces himself to keep eye contact. “Why?”

Robert shrugs. “I’m tired, you’re tired, and it’ll take awhile to make up the couch.  The bed’s big enough” When Bill still hesitates, he sighs heavily. “Billy, have I ever hurt you before?” Bill shakes his head. “Then what’s the big deal?”

Bill pauses for only a split-second.

“No big deal.”

He follows Robert into the bedroom.

-

The next time Bill sees Stan, it’s just the two of them.

They’re lounging on Bill’s bed, Bill furiously scribbling into a notebook as Stan watches over the top of his book.  It’s peaceful, just being with Stan like this.  Something as simple as his presence has always done wonders for Bill’s nerves.

“What are you writing?” Stan asks.

“Re-writing th-the ending,” Bill says.  His voice is slow and distracted, but Stan doesn’t seem to mind.  He puts down his current book and shuffles closer, peering curiously over Bill’s shoulder.

“The one you let me read at the clubhouse?”

“Mhm.”

Stan lets out a little huff. “How are you torturing poor Sean now?”

Bill finally tears his gaze away from the notebook, instead fixing Stan with an affronted stare.

“I’m nuh-not torturing him!” he insists. “I’m trying to write a hh-happier ending.”

Bill doesn’t know why, but it’s embarrassing to admit.  He feels like he’s just revealed some deep, dark secret.  But Stan’s smiling, grinning almost infectiously wide, so Bill can’t be too hard on himself.  He’s always liked making Stan smile.

“Really?”

He sounds so excited.  Bill thinks it’s kind of dumb.  He’s half tempted to remind him that, hey, Sean isn’t actually real.  He’s just a clump of words on a piece of paper.  But Stan looks so unbelievably happy, Bill can’t possibly take that away from him.

“Jj-Juh-Just for you,” Bill says.

It makes Stan smile softly, like he can’t really believe it. “For me?” Bill nods. “I wrote it ff-for you, I can’t give it an eh-ending you don’t like.”

Stan scrunches up his nose, a key sign that he’s deep in thought.  It’s cute, and it kind of makes Bill want to kiss him.

“I want Sean to kiss Suzie,” he says finally.

Bill groans loudly. “That’s so mm-muh-much extra work!  Now I have to ah-add in a whole romance-”

“What about Jacob?” Stan says the words so quickly that Bill’s almost positive he’d imagined them.  But Stan is red-faced and rigid, and that’s all it takes for Bill to know that the words he heard were very much real. “Would that - Would that be okay?”

Bill blinks slowly.  Would that be okay?  He thinks so.  But how would he explain that to his mother if, God forbid, she ever stumbled upon this story?

“Bill?” Stan sounds so small, and when Bill snaps out of his thoughts he can see a sense of terror in Stan’s eyes that he’s never seen before.

“Yeah,” Bill murmurs. “Yeah, that’d be okay.”

Stan doesn’t say anything as Bill continues to write, but he watches him like a hawk.  It’s like he’s afraid Bill will change his mind the moment he turns his back.  Like he’s scared Bill will retaliate, and that it won’t be unlike the insults Bowers and his goons usually throw at him.  The fact that Stan even thinks that makes Bill hot with shame.

“Sean’s buh-better with Jacob, anyway,” he says, just to quell Stan’s worries.

Stan still doesn’t answer, but he does shuffle a bit closer.

By the time Bill finishes the story, Stan looks like he’s ready to implode.  It’s about five pages longer than it was originally supposed to be, he still needed to add basically a whole other storyline to make the romance work, but Stan still reads it diligently.

“It’s cute,” he says softly, once he’s finished.

“You like it?”

Stan nods. “Better than the old ending.”

That makes Bill beam, because all he ever really wants is Stan’s approval.

“Look,” Stan murmurs, setting the notebook down gently beside him.  He handles it with care, like it’s something worth worrying about. “I’m really sorry I made you do that.  I didn’t - I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I ww-wuh-wasn’t uncomfortable!” Bill insists. “It was a guh-good idea, it was cute!  I jj-just didn’t know-”

“I’m gay.” And Bill has so many things to say, so many questions, but Stan barrels on before he can get even one of them out. “You probably figured that out, though.  Fuck - I shouldn’t have - I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean - I didn't mean to make things weird.  Really.  Can we just pretend like this never happened?  I’m - I’m sorry.  You can write the Suzie ending.  You can just - just burn that one I guess.  Fuck.  I’m sorry-”

Bill grabs him by the front of his perfectly ironed polo and pulls him closer, closer, closer until their mouths are clashing together.  It’s everything Bill’s been dreaming of.  His lips are soft, softer than Bill could have even imagined, and it fills every dark, broken, crevice that haunts Bill’s heart with a warm, sunshiny feeling.

Bill pulls away to find Stan wide-eyed and pink-faced.  He desperately wants to know what Stan’s thinking, but he’s shocked into a silence that speaks one too many volumes.

“Ss-Suh-Sorry,” Bill mutters.  He forces his hands to unclench from around Stan’s shirt.  The material is still wrinkled, but Bill figures that’s the least of their worries at the moment.  Because, fuck, Stan didn’t mean him. “I sh-shouldn’t have assumed.”

“I mean,” Stan’s fingers lift up to ghost over his lips, “A little warning would’ve been nice.”

Bill’s heart stutters in his chest. “Wh-What’s that muh-mean?”

Stan shakes his head, like he isn’t really sure himself. “You could’ve asked.”

Bill swallows the lump in his throat. “Can I kiss you?”

Rather than answering, Stan lurches forward and presses their lips together in a bruising kiss.  And, fuck, this is even better.  Stan’s got one hand in his hair, the other gripping his shoulder like he’s steadying himself.  The way his lips move against Bill’s leave him lightheaded, and he has to grip Stan’s hips to remind himself that he isn’t, in fact, dreaming.

“Huh-Holy shit,” he says, the words muffled by Stan’s lips.

“Shut up, shut up,” Stan chants.  Bill can feel Stan’s lips fumble against his own as he speaks.  It makes him just a little bit crazy.

Bill does, in fact, shut up.  He drags his hands up to cup Stan’s face, holding his cheeks like he’s precious cargo.  The kiss slows but doesn’t stop, turning into something so sweet it makes Bill’s teeth rot.

He pulls away slowly, because it’s just about the last thing he wants to do, but his lungs are starting to ache.  Seeing Stan with puffy lips and glassy eyes is enough to convince Bill to duck back in for one last peck before pulling away for good.

“You’re beautiful,” Bill blurts out.

“Oh.”

“And I think I’m in love with you.”

“Oh!”

“I think I’ve always been in love with you.  Ever since we were kids.  Ever ss-since you waddled into my life as a cute little preschooler and demanded I use the hand sanitizer before shaking your hand.”

“You were covered in dirt,” Stan says weakly.

Bill laughs.  A real laugh, from deep in his stomach.  He hasn’t laughed like that in a long time.

He tries to go in for another kiss but Stan stops him, a hand clamped tightly over his mouth.

“Wait, wait,” he says. “I need to tell you something.” Bill hums softly against his palm.  Stan’s eyes wander slowly over Bill, taking him all in.  He looks flustered, but Bill doesn’t think he’s stalling.  Taking a mental picture, more like.  Bill understands.  If there’s one moment he never wants to forget, it’s this one.  Then, “I love you too.”

Bill’s spent his entire life trying to perfect the english language.  He’s spent years hunched over a notebook, writing and re-writing and writing and re-writing until he’s gotten it as close to perfect as he possibly could.  But nothing he’ll ever write will even get close to the perfect poetry that just flowed from Stan’s lips.

Bill grabs Stan’s hand between his own, leaving millions of tiny kisses along the palm.

“Please luh-let me kiss you again,” Bill practically begs. “Please, pp-please, please.”

Stan grants his wish, leaping forward to press their lips together again.

Distantly, Bill thinks this is better than breathing.  If there’s one way he wants to die, it’s suffocating with Stanley Uris’ lips against his.

-

Two days later, no one has seen Stanley in a full 24 hours.  A familiar panic has settled in Bill’s stomach.  He’s gone through every other possible scenario in his head, gone through every excuse.  But on some level he knows, Stan met the same fate as Georgie.

The Losers have spent the whole day wandering around town, hoping against hope they’ll find him somewhere.  That it’s all just one, big misunderstanding.  Bill keeps half expecting to see him around every corner, waiting for them with an eye roll and a dry joke that lets them know just know silly they were for thinking he had gone missing.  He’s never there.

They’re all uncharacteristically quiet that day.  Even Richie doesn’t say a word.  He just clings to Eddie’s hand and searches with an uncharacteristic amount of diligence.

Bill wants to fucking scream.

He wants to tell Richie it’s okay to talk, it’s okay to joke, it’s okay to be fucking normal.  Because nothing’s wrong.  Stan’s fine and he’s going to be back any minute.

But, at the end of the day, Bill still finds himself in front of Robert’s door with enough tears to fill the Derry city pool streaming down his face.

“Huh-He’s guh-guh-gone,” Bill sobs.

Robert ushers him inside without another word.  He lets Bill bundle up in his bed, pulling the covers up his chin and burying his face in the pillows.  Somewhere in the back of his mind he recognizes some form of guilt for letting Robert’s pillows get so wet, but that’s the least of his worries at the moment.

“Billy.” Robert kneels by the edge of the bed.  Through blurry eyes, Bill can see his eyebrows furrow in concern. “What happened?” Bill shakes his head.  He can’t.  He can’t say it.  Saying it makes it too real. “C’mon, you can do it.  I know you can.  Tell me what’s wrong.”

“St-Stanley.  He - He’s-” Bill doesn’t get to finish before a fresh wave of tears wash over him.  Fuck.  Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

Robert scoops him up in his arms, cuddling him close to his chest.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs. “You’re going to be okay.  I’m going to make sure you’re okay.”

And Bill can do nothing but believe him.

-

Bill wakes up about an hour later to Robert gently mouthing at his neck, his hand gripping Bill’s hip hard enough to leave bruises.  Bill grumbles softly and tries to roll away, but Robert tugs him back.  He moves the hand on his hip to wrap tightly around Bill’s waist, effectively pinning him against him.

“‘M tt-tired,” Bill whines, voice still sore from crying.

“Had a dream,” Robert mumbles.  His breath against his neck makes Bill’s skin prickle, but not in the same way Stan’s lips had. “A good dream.  Need your help.”

“Ruh-Robert,” Bill huffs.

Not now, he wants to say.  Not after he just got his heart stolen from his body.

“I’ll help you look for Stanley tomorrow,” Robert says.  He’s moved on to mouthing at Bill’s jaw. “I always help you.”

Bill’s resolve crumbles.  How is he supposed to argue with that? “Ff-Fine.”

He reaches down for Robert’s belt, but Robert catches his wrist in one, big hand and pins it above his head.  It has Bill’s heart pounding in his ears and ice filling his veins.

“I have a better idea.”

Bill squirms, hoping it’ll convince Robert to let him go, but all it does is egg him on.  He squeezes his wrists tighter, until Bill has to grit his teeth to stop himself from flinching.

“I’ve nuh-never - Wuh-We’ve never-”

“We can look all day tomorrow.”

“I - I don’t know.”

Robert sighs heavily. “A man will only be so satisfied with blow jobs, Billy.”

And, God, Bill just wants to go home.  He hasn’t wanted to go there in so long but right now it’s the only place he can think of.  He wants to fucking go home.  He wants his mom to hold him and tell him he’s going to be alright.  He wants his dad to hug him tight and promise to keep him safe.

He just wants to be okay.

“All day?” he asks weakly.

Robert nods. “All day.”

“Oh-Okay.”

-

The first thing Stan notices when he wakes up is that he’s cold.

The second thing is that it’s dark.  Too dark to see anything.

The third is that he can’t fucking move.

His hands are behind his back, rope biting into his wrists.  His legs are curled underneath him.  He doesn’t think he could stand if he wanted to (which he does, he really, really does) but his ankles are tied together anyway.  And his back aches from being hunched over for God knows how long.  He tries to sit up straight, but something yanks him back down.

And then he stays there like that for what feels like at least a thousand years.

When a door is finally opened, it’s almost too much to bare.  The light is dim, barely there, but Stan still has to squint to get used to it.

And in the doorway is a man.  A very familiar man, in fact.  A man who knows his exact address after picking up his dumbass friend at 1 in the morning.

“Good morning,” says Robert.

He’s grinning wildly and Stan wants to fucking cry.  He wants to sob until his lungs give out, and then he wants to cry some more.

He can feel the beginning of pinprick tears forming behind his eyes, and he bites the inside of his cheek harshly to stop them from spilling out.  He may be a coward but he’ll be damned if he lets Robert know that.

“Aren’t you going to say hello?” Robert says cheerily.

Stan doesn’t answer.  He’s too focused on other things, like not crying in front of a psycho kidnapper.

“Awe, Stanny, that’s not very polite.”

He crosses the last few steps to ruffle Stan’s hair and Stan fucking breaks.  A sob wrenches its way out of his throat, making his shoulders shake and eyes burn.  Tears dribble pathetically down his cheeks, landing in tiny puddles on the floor.

“I’m suh-sorry,” Stan manages to choke out. “Wh-Wh-Whatever - Whatever I dd-duh-did.  I’m sorry.” He flinches as Robert cards his fingers through his hair, wrenching his head back when his fingers catch on the curls. “Please.”

Stan doesn’t know what he’s begging for, all he knows is that it doesn’t work.  Because Robert fucking laughs, all loud and boisterous, as if Stan’s told him one of Richie’s shitty jokes.

“Oh, Stanny,” he murmurs.  He moves to grasp Stan’s chin with one hand, squeezing his cheeks and pressing dirty nails into his skin. “This wouldn’t have happened if you had just kept your hands off of what’s mine.”

[artificialqueens]

Try (branjie)- dexx-ss

a/n: Hi, hello, how are ya?

(SPOILER-Y A/N AFTER THE JUMP)

Sooo most of us are probably feeling a little sad after last night’s events. So I put together this little fic inspired by P!nks “Try” to feed y’all sadness even more. It is kinda sloppy at the end and i’m sorry about that :P (She/her for Vanessa; he/him for Brooke*it might be a little messed up at some places and I’m sorry*)

***

Ever wonder ‘bout what he’s doing

How it’s all turned to lies

It had been 4 months after they had finished filming and Vanessa for the first three of them had been on cloud nine. Was it exactly like she’d hope for it to be? No. But right now she felt happy-ish. Yes, the last few weeks had been kinda rough. She hadn’t seen Brooke and because all the traveling Vanessa was doing they didn’t get to call each other also that often. And most of the times when they were texting or calling or whatever they got into arguments over the dumbest things.

But tonight was their lucky night. Vanessa was tired as hell but talking to Brookes was exactly what she needed. “Hey, twinkle toes!” V smiled when Brooke picked up her face time call “How are you?”, “You know, busy, like always,” Brooke said looking at the ground not meeting Vanessas eyes. “Brooke, is everything okay?” Vanessa asked with a lot of worry in her eyes. She knows Brooke wasn’t really the one to talk about his feelings but right now he looked like something was really bothering him “Tired,”, “No there is something else.” V called him out. “Jose,” Brooke calling Vanessa by his boy name was never a good sign so immediately V tightened up “this is not going to work?”. Brooke said it heavy heartedly and you could tell he had been thinking about saying it for a hot minute. Right when those words left his lips his eyes filled with tears and so did Vanessas. Neither of them said anything and the silence was killing Brooke. “I love you,” Brooke said but was immediately cut off by Vanessa “don’t do that.”, “I love you and you know that. But right now the timing is the worst.”. Silence. Brooke just saw tears running down Vanessas cheeks. All he wished he could do was go there and clean her tears away, kiss her like nothing mattered and act like he hadn’t said anything. But he did and he knew he just couldn’t take it back.

Sometimes I think that it’s better, To never ask why. It’ has been a few months from their breakup and they were on good terms. The time had gone by faster. They often still called each other and when they hanged up Brooke imagined what would his world be like if he still had Vanessa in it and Vanessa smiled at the ceiling and let her tears fall(They weren’t exactly sad tears but they weren’t happy either). It was the day of the promo shoot and they haven’t seen each other personally for a little while. When Brooke got there he didn’t see Vanessa right away but he did hear her. Even hearing her voice brought a smile on Brookes face. When he finally saw V she was surrounded by Silky and Akeria. So instead of interrupting Brooke went to get ready. V hadn’t noticed when Brooke got there but now she was looking at him through his mirror. “You know you can and go talk to him right,” A’keria punched V playfully “he ain’t gonna bit, ya. Unless that’s what ya into.”. Vanessa just rolled her eyes and told A’keria to shut it. “Hey, stranger,” Vanessa said approaching Brooke from the back.  Nina who was sitting next to Brooke and talking to him got up and told V she can take her place. Brooke stood up and they hugged for a minute or two. The hug was powerful, tight. It felt like home. When they both finally sat down V just looked at Brooke and all she could say was “Why?” Brooke was surprised by the question. They have been getting along so well after that messy facetime and V has never for once asked why. He but his makeup brush down “I told you the timing wasn’t right.”. Vaness shook her head “I,” she paused for a moment “I miss you.”. Brooke took her hand “I miss you too but,”, “I’m not sure I wanna hear the end of that sentence,” V interrupted, placed a kiss on Brookes hand and walked away tears filling her eyes.

Funny how the heart can be deceiving More than just a couple times The cats out of the bag. The episode of them kissing has aired. Vanessas phone is blowing up with notifications. So is Brookes. Vanjie just ignores everything and tries to get herself together for her gig. She doesn’t know how much of what happened between her and Brooke they’ll actually show but she’s not sure she is ready to go through that and more. There probably will be interviews. Maybe they’ll make merch. And as she thought that she got a message about the #Branjie hats. Brooke gives an interview after interview and everyone keeps asking about Vanessa. How is she? How are you guys? And you’ve been getting these cookies? Brooke is a firm believer that everything happens for reason. But maybe this time the reason was that he is stupid and made a bad decision. He misses Vanessa but he knows that it wouldn’t be fair to her to tell her. She doesn’t deserve this. She is the most amazing person ever in his eyes. But Brooke can’t have a relationship. He can not factor someone elses needs in his life right now. As the episodes go by they miss each other more and more. But neither of them wanna do anything about it. Maybe sometimes it’s better to bottle your feelings up(like normal people). Yes, they text. Sometimes call/facetime. They are still friends. It feels wrong but there is nothing they are going to do about it. One night V gets really drunk with Silky and post some shit and a song on her story. But takes it down immediately cause Silky says “You need to realize, HE, DOES, NOT, CARE! And if you keep being hung up on him you might miss out on someone who does.” these words sting but only because Vaness has been thinking about it too.

Why do we fall in love so easy Even when it’s not right. They are spending the day together. It feels nice, feels right. It wasn’t until later they are in some club with friends. Both drinking. Vanessa starts an Instagram live and Brooke stands to her side. They have a soft moment. V kisses his forehead and forgets everything else around her. Why can’t they just go back? A warm feeling goes through her body as she watches Brookes smile while snuggling more into V’s side.  She closes the live and looks at A’kerias disapproval. She goes to talk with Trixie and A’keria grabs Brooke and pulls him to the side. “Dangerous game you are playing, miss Brooke,” she says. “What?” Brooke asks with a puzzled look. “Moving on from someone you love is one hell of a battle. Vanessa has been fighting in that battle for months. You are not making it easier for her you know.” Akeria said with a sharp tone. Brooke looked at Vanessa and then back at A’keria. What he wanted to say would have been something along the lines of ‘But what about how I feel. Yo think it was easy to make that decision? Do you think it has been easy not seeing her beautiful smile every day? Do you think it has been easy living with the thought that I broke her heart? No! But why would anyone care? Storys never have two sides, right! Wrong. I’m also hurt. I also need support.’ but what he said was just “Oh” and nodded. What else he could’ve said?

Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame Where there is a flame, someone’s bound to get burned Vanessa is sitting across Brook. Looking on the ground and Ru asks “Are you two still a couple?”. Vanessa feels like Rajha would say. Some type of way. She doesn’t wanna feel anyway. But when Brooke says “No, we are not.” Vanessa doesn’t float like a butterfly and the words sting like a bee. She feels pain in her heart. Literally like something just stinger her. Brooke explains his side. And Vanessa talks her talk. “I’m a romantic at heart…”, “I love that about you!”, “don’t play it,” V says. It stings Brooke a little. Cause that’s really one of many reasons why he loves Vanessa. Then Ru asks a question that neither of them knows the anserw to. “Do you want to get back together?” Mama Ru asks again. Brooke thinks for a moment but says what he feels. He still has feelings for Vanjie and he knows Vanjie feels the same way but only time can tell. They go on with the rest of dramas. Wigs are thrown. Libaries are open and closed. But Vanessas thoughts are only on Brooke Lynn. It’s a wrap. But just because it burns, doesn’t mean you’re gonna die You gotta get up and try, and try, and try V gives away her mic and starts walking away quickly. Where to, she has no idea but just away. She hears Someone yelling her name but she doesn’t turn around. She is hurt and now the whole world will see that. Her head feels dizzy. She keeps walking until she feels too dizzy and just closes her eyes and stands there tears rolling down her cheeks. She is angry and sad and confused. She feels someone wrap their arms around her. And she doesn’t need to open her eyes to know who it is. The hug feels familiar, it feels like home. They just stay there for a little while. Vanessas head buried in Brooks embrace. She hears people passing by and asking if everything is okay, feeling Brooke nod in response. They finally let go and Vanessa takes a few steps back eyes fixed on the ground. Brooke cups her jaw raising her eyes to meet his. “Sometimes people need to fall apart to fall back together” Brooke whispers whit a smile. It is the cheesiest thing Vanessa has heard Brooke say but she doesn’t care. She grabs his face and kisses him.

[thebookoftomorrow1]

Coming Up For Air

PAIRING: Bucky x Nea (OC)

TYPE: One-Shot

SUMMARY: Bucky has been back from Wakanda for a few weeks, feeling a little better with a new metal arm and all. Nightmares of his former life still haunted him and adjusting to the new world wasn´t easy either. He finds help with that in Nea, who finds herself falling in love with Bucky Barnes really quickly. Problem was, that Super Soldier didn´t seem to return the feelings. When Steve sends them away in order for Bucky to get back to his former self, Nea gets confronted with her own past and struggles to keep her feelings in check. Would Bucky understand that she knew how he felt better than he thought?

A/N: This is my first time writing something in English, so please bare with me and excuse any mistakes you might find! Also, this hasn´t been beta read, so...

This has been posted by a friend before and I personally always think my writings aren´t good, but the friend, @randomfandompenguin , convinced me to try and post it again. But I might delete it later ;)

Got the idea while being on vacation in Finland and just had to write it down. Nea is a character I´ve used in other storys I have been writing before (in German), so it felt kinda natural to use the name here too.

The title is inspired by the song of the same name from Signals in Smoke, which I mostly listened to while writing this. 

@randomfandompenguin also told me to tag @the-ss-horniest-book-club , hope that is okay :)

WARNINGS: Fluff, little angsty?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She watched Bucky disappear into the woods. He´d said he wanted to have a look around, just to be sure. She let him, well knowing she couldn´t stop him from doing so anyway. Where she was sure that they where save here, he couldn´t shake some old habits. But that was okay. Since he was back from Wakanda, with a new arm and all, he seemed different. Just a little more calm, hoping that they had fixed it. Got everything Hydra had put into his head out. But he was still a soldier and he would never lose his abilities.

Still, he had problems to find his place in this new world. And she was pretty sure he still thought, that he was a monster. Even if they had fixed his head, which she was sure they had, he still had the memorys. And the nightmares he had because of them. He still felt ashamed, lost and hurt. He´d told her as much when she had been with him after one of those nightmares. She still felt her heart breaking for him, seeing him so devastated and with tears in his eyes. She had huged him tight and he had been holding on to her, she´d let him cry for all the people he had been forced to kill.

It had just been this one night where she had seen him like this. The night where it had hit her, that she was in love with him. Bucky Barnes. The man that thought he wasn´t worth of loving. After that, they had spent alot of nights together. Talking, watching movies, sometimes just holding each other. Especially when he had been waking up from one of his nightmares. When he had been coming to her room one night, waking her up and asking her with panicked eyes if he could stay with her, they had started to sleep next to each other every night. Nothing more had  ever been happening between them.

When the others where around, he was acting like everybody else with her. Like friends, and she had to admit, that it was hurting her everytime he did that. Like he didn´t feel any connection stronger then being colleagues between them. Was it really just her feeling that way?

The others knew about his nightmares, but he told everybody he´d manage, that he was okay. Bucky and her hadn´t told anybody how much time they spend together at night. But she was sure they knew somehow anyway. At least Steve knew it. If Bucky was talking with him about her, she didn´t know. But Steve had come to her one day, he knew how she felt about Bucky.

Steve had been there for her when she needed it, no matter if it was about Bucky or something else. He was the one who knew him best, even though they had been sepperated from each other, thinking the other one was long gone, they still were best friends. Steve had said that Bucky liked her too, he was sure of it. But if that was the case, he had never acted like it.  Well, Wanda said the same about Bucky. She was the other person knowing about her feelings for him. Wanda was her best friend, ever since she took her under her wing, when she had been new in the team. When she was still feeling unsure, Wanda was the one that understood her best. Because her friend more than often felt the same. For her, Wanda was amazing. Not because of her abillities, but because of who she was otherwise.

After all, she herself just had some pretty good fighting skills. Almost as good as Natasha, at least that was what Steve had said. Of course she didn´t think so. Nobody was as good as Natasha in that way. But Steve had found her and got her into the team, so he must have seen something in her, that she still didn´t. It was not like she could control things with her mind, turn into a green powerfull giant or was the goddess of thunder. No, she was just Nea. The Avengers her new family. The only one she had. Thanks to Captain America himself.

But it was Steve´s fault, that she was alone with Bucky in the Finnish wilderness. She wanted to be mad at him, but he meant well. This wasn´t about her feelings for Bucky. This was about Bucky adjusting to live, feel better and maybe getting more himself again. Even if he was still a supersoldier.

Bucky wanted to work, go on missions. But Steve had talked him out of it, giving it still some time. And after long talks to him, with her beside Steve, he had agreed.  But she still saw his shocked face when his best friend had told him, that he would go somewhere quiet. With her. Away from it all.

„You send me away, with her?“, he had asked, which had felt like a punch in her stomach. She hadn´t known about it either until that moment, so to say that she had been shocked herself, would be an understatement. But his reaction and obvious dislike about it, hadn´t made it better.

„You know why, Buck.“ Was all Steve had said to him. They had just looked at each other for a while then, silently talking. She didn´t know what had passed between them at this moment, but it had been enough for Bucky to grudgingly agree to it. And then, he had just left the room and she had been ready to cry, feeling rejected and hurt. He didn´t want to go with her, after everything that had been happening between them. He pushed her away like it was nothing.

It had taken Steve a while and alot of hugging, to make her go. He had said that she was the only one, besides maybe Steve himself, that Bucky had let get close to him. So she was the best to go, after he had missions to take care of. And you know, he was Captain America. As much as he wanted to spend time with his best friend, right now he couldn´t. Which made her feel for him again.

So she had pulled herself together, chose a place to go. Finland. Where she still had good friends that she hadn´t seen since becoming a part of the Avengers.  They had helped her to find this nice, little summerhouse.

Shield had arranged the flight, but it hadn´t been easy to go unnoticed. A car had been waiting at the airport here, the long drive to the house feeling so much longer with the silence between Bucky and her. They hadn´t been talking since Steve´s decision and Bucky had avoided all kind of contact, which hurt her even more.

But maybe this was a chance for her to accept it. Accept that she had just been a welcome distraction and now… So if he could be cold to her, she would do the same from now on. Without losing sight of the assignment Steve had given her.

Nea closed her eyes, lifting her face into the sun. It was summer, but luckily here it wasn´t so hot. There was always a nice little breeze from the sea. She loved that it was so quiet here, just nature and one or two other summerhouses around. It was even better that this house was directly at the water. Her friends knew that she had always loved being near the water.  Sometimes it was enough just watching the seagulls flying around, the movement of the water, to calm her down. Take her mind off of everything. Which was what she needed. So did Bucky, if he would let it happen and see the beauty in all of this. Nobody would find them here, at least nobody that didn´t need to. Her eyes still closed, she heard Bucky approach but didn´t move.

„I see why you chose this place“, he said. So, he was talking to her again? She didn´t feel like answerig. He sighed but came closer, sitting down next to her on the small platform overlooking the water. „It´s beautiful here. And quiet.“ This made her look at him. Like her, he closed his eyes facing the sun. He looked calm. And so beautiful…

„It is. Sorry you have to share all this with me.“ She said to take her mind of the path it had been going. He didn´t feel the same for her and she had to get over that.

He looked at her, confused. Which made her look away.

„What does that mean?“, did he really have to ask? It was hard not to look at him now, so instead she watched one of the seagulls searching the water for fish.

„Means that I was there for your reaction when Steve told you. And the fact that you have avoided me ever since, not talking to me until now, pretty much says it all.“ When she felt herself tearing up, the fact still hurting her, she stood. Avoiding his gaze, but still feeling it.

„Nea, I…“

„I´m gonna drive to the shop we passed, buy some stuff. You need anything?“, she asked, breaking him off. She didn´t want to hear his rejection. Standing with her back to him, she waited for an answer. He seemd to sense that she didn´t want to talk about it right now.

„No, thanks“, he said after a little while. So she started to walk up the small, wooden stairs to the house. „Shouldn´t I come with you?“, she heard Bucky say, which made her stop again.

„I can handle myself.“ Was all she said, before finally walking away. When she was sure he wouldn´t see anymore, she almost ran to the car. Starting it and, before driving away, put the radio on. Turning up the volume.

Even though she didn´t want to, she started to cry as soon as she had left the house behind her. Why was he suddenly acting like before? Did he really not know it had hit her pretty hard, when he had treated her like a stranger he didn´t trust?

When she reached the store, she took a moment to calm down, checking her face in the mirror. The last thing she needed was people staring at her, because she looked like a crying mess. Turning her thoughts to what they would need, again thinking more about what Bucky needed and liked, rather than herself, she finished shopping pretty fast. Glad she still remembered enough of the language. To have some more time to calm down, she took another road back to the house. A longer one.  

Back at the house, she almost dropped the grocerys she was carrying, seeing Bucky chopping wood. With no shirt. Damn him! Of course that was the moment he noticed her. He was breathing hard, like he had been taking out some frustration on the poor wood. It made her snap out of her stare, continuing her way to the house. This would make her crazy, why had she agreed to this?

„Let me at least help you with that.“ Nea jumped, Bucky suddenly standing right behind her, when she was back at the car for the rest of the stuff. Damn supersoldier abilities. Her heart pounding, she just nodded without looking at him. Turning around, she walked back to the house. Busying herself with unpacking. Again she felt Bucky´s gaze on her, which gave her goosebumps.

„Can we talk about this?“, Bucky said after both of them unpacking and putting away all the stuff in silence. Again.

„Now you want to talk? I don´t think there is anything to talk about.“ She wanted to leave the room, but Bucky grabbed her hand and stopped her right in motion.

„I think there is“, just don´t cry she told herslef, already feeling the tears coming up again. „I´m sorry if I acted like an idiot. It wasn´t about you, I just… I was frustrated. With Steve, because he knows me so well. But mostly with myself. You…“ he broke off. Swallowing hard, she turned around to him. At least he was wearing a shirt again.

„What?“, she asked quietly and he sighed.

„You helped me so much in the past months, took my mind off everything. But without going on missions, I felt useless. I didn´t understand why Steve wouldn´t see that.“

„But now you do?“, a small smile tugged at his lips, but disappeard fast again. Shaking his head, he shrugged.

„I guess. I know I´m not a big help, if my head isn´t in the game. Which it isn´t. But it bugs me that he is always right.“ That made both of them laugh.

„It is annoying, isn´t it?“, Buckys smile was answer enough and her heart jumped. They didn´t mean it. Steve was like a brother to her, ever since he found her on the streets. But it was true, he somehow was always right with things like that. Nobody wanted Bucky to get hurt or worse, killed on a mission. They couldn´t be sure either, that he would let himself get killed. He had said more then once, that he wished he would have died back when Hydra had found him. That he didn´t deserve all the fuss about him, someone caring for him like Steve or she did.

She hadn´t seen Buckys reaction from that side. Now she felt really stupid, having overreacted.

„So, I´m forgiven?“, he pulled her close, already knowing the answer to that question. Being so close to him, messed with her brain. So she just nodded and leaned into him when his smile got even bigger, while hugging her tight. But still, she didn´t believe he saw more in her than a friend. She still had to get over her feelings for him. Because he would never feel the same for her. At least she could enjoy the time alone with him for now. With noone around, they wouldn´t have to act like there was nothing more between them. Maybe it wouldn´t be good for her goal to stop loving him, but she could enjoy this a last time, right?

Making dinner together, Bucky didn´t miss a moment to make Nea laugh. He seemed more relaxed now, which made her glad. After all, this was the reason they had come here for.

„So, your friends. You trust them?“, Bucky asked while they were eating. Nea was surprised to see the concerned look on his face.

„I do, with my life. They know who I am, what happend to me. And they never told anyone.“

„Do they know who I am?“, there it was again. The fear of people seeing him as a monster. She had to admit that her friends had been worried when she´d told them, who she was here with. Everybody just knew Bucky as the Winter Soldier, the dangerous killer. But they trusted her word as much as she trusted them. They had just been glad to see she was save and okay with the Avengers.

„They do, I told them.“

„And they are okay with this? With you being alone here with me?“, he looked down at his plate, the sadness in his tone almost breaking her heart. So she reached over the table, putting her hand over his metal one. Which made him look up at her again.

„I know I am save with you, James Barnes.“ Even his little smile was sad, but at least he turned his hand around and started to softly play with her fingers. Goosebumps spread over her body, making her shiver.

„Are you cold?“, she withdrew her hand and tried to smile. Why couldn´t she control herself?

„Maybe a little. Which is why I´m gonna try out the sauna.“ After saying that, she got up. Taking both of their plates with her. The sauna was something she really had been looking forward to, now was a good time for that. Maybe she would calm down a little and get herself under control, having a little time for herself.

„You want to get into the sauna?“, he asked.

„I´ve been wanting to ever since I decided to come here.“ Bucky helped her cleaning away everything and washing the dishes. When she gave one of the plates to him for drying, she noticed him smiling.

„What?“, she asked and smiled too, just because it really was contagious and she loved seeing him like this.

„I just thought… if you want to sweat, I can help you with that too.“ His smile turned into a grin and Nea felt herself blushing. In hope he wouldn´t notice, she turned her face back to the sink. She cleared her throat.

„Well, sauna is a different sweating. Relaxing. Cleansing. You know.“ Did she just stutter? Bucky chuckled, so she must have. Damn her hormones! As fast as she could, she finished the rest of the dishes.

„I´m gonna heat the oven in the sauna.“ she said, dried her hands and maybe made her way to the door a little too fast.

„You know I meant making you sweat with a training session, right?“, his words made her stop again. She didn´t even have to look at him to know, that he still got that grin going. Trying to put on a smile that she hoped looked real, she turned around again.

„Of course. We´ll have plenty of time for that here.“ Now she couldn´t stop blushing and he was in full sight of that.

„Sure.“ He winked at her, laughing. Oh he loved to tease her and she hated herself for reacting like this. Without another word, she went out and down to the sauna. Now she would need this even more to relax. When the oven was lit and she had everything else she needed in check, she went back to the house to get a Cider from the fridge and a towel from her bag. Bucky was seated in one of the cosy chairs, looking up from his book when she came in. He smiled at her with that glint in his eyes, that made her heart jump. She just returned it fast and got what she wanted, before escaping really quickly again. At least he could concentrate on something. There was no TV here and besides the safety phone they´ve got, there wasn´t any other device that could be tracked. Which shrunk their entertainement to books and… the company of each other. And that wasn´t good at the moment, at least not for her.

Nea took off her clothes in the little, wooden sauna. As soon as she´d sat down, got it steaming and her cold cider in hand, she closed her eyes with a sigh. This was heaven. A hot, 100 degree heaven but nonetheless paradise right now. This was a nice plus to every summerhouse in Finland, the original sauna. Compared to other houses around, they had it pretty much luxurious. They had a real toilet, instead of the old school outhouse. Which she was really glad about, that was too much nature even for her. They had electricity for the important stuff and running water.

To her own surprise, she really managed to relax for a little while. When it was time for her to get out, she drowned the rest of her Cider, already feeling like a new human. Now she would wash it all away with a swim in the lake. But first she popped her head out of the door, peaking through the trees. Bucky was nowhere in sight, good. Naked as she was, she hurried out and to the water. Before her feet even hit the water, she knew it was going to be cold. So she kept running and dived into the lake. She couldn´t help the little shriek escaping her mouth, when she made contact with the cold water. But after the short shock, it felt like it should. Just wonderful.

„What the hell are you doing, doll?“, her heart stopped for a beat, when she heard Bucky. She turned around to him, glad she had her whole body under water. There he was, looking at her with wide eyes. He looked almost… panicked! Oh my, he must have heard her shriek and thought something had happend to her.

„Buck, I´m sorry. The water was a little cold.“ She said apologetically. At least that seemed to make him calm down a little. But then he suddenly frowned, tensing a little again. She knew immediately what caused this and was suddenly really aware of the fact, that she was butt naked right now. At least he wouldn´t notice the blush in her face now.

„Doll, are you… I mean…“ now it seemed to be Bucky´s turn to stutter. The fact that he couldn´t even bring himself to say it, when he had been teasing her before in that direction, made her smile.

„Naked you mean?“, she said with raised eyebrows. Was HE blushing now?

„Well, are you?“, he asked as serious as he probably could right now.

„I am. You go naked in the sauna and after that, you take a swim in the lake. Naked.“ Bucky seemed to flinch a little at the word naked. Which is why she´d said it again. She didn´t know where she had found her confidence, but she sure was glad about it. Bucky looked around.

„What if anybody sees you?“ really?

„There is nobody here, Buck.“

„There is a house right there.“ He pointed in the direction, where indeed another house came into view.

„That´s pretty far away. And even if there is someone right now, they are used to naked bodys around, when there is a sauna.“ And that wasn´t even a lie. In that way, the Finns were really easy going. But Bucky wasn´t convinced. He seemed really old school with this.

„Still. Would you get out of the water now, please?“, now he was really serious. He even had managed to get the towel and was holding it out to her.

„Alright, it is getting cold now anyway. But would you…“ she made a sign with her hand for him to turn around. He huffed.

„Really? Now you are worried about ME seeing you naked?“, he looked almost offended now.

„Buck…“

„Alright, I wouldn´t have looked anyway.“ He turned around. She knew he really wouldn´t have looked, not after the way he´d reacted just moments ago.  As fast as she could, she got out of the water and took the towel out of Buckys hand, wrapping it securely around her body. Bucky took a quick look over his shoulder and when he was sure she was decent, he faced her again. His look made her freeze. Their eyes locked and her heart picked up a pace, which sure wasn´t because of the sauna experience. It was the way he looked at her right now. She couldn´t really place it, had never seen it on him before. A little uneasy, she wrapped her arms around her body. Bucky seemed to snap out of his thoughts.

„You are shaking.“ He said and it was just now, that she realised she really did. But she knew it wasn´t because she was cold.

„I´m gonna wash up and then come back to the house.“ Was all she was able to say, still a little shaky from the moment that had just passed between them. Bucky nodded and with a last look, turned around and walked away.

She watched Bucky until she couldn´t see him anymore, the memory of the look in his eyes just moments ago, giving her goosebumps. What had that been all about? Shaking her head, she hurried back to the sauna, making quick work of washing up and getting dressed. It was getting late and the wind had picked up a little, even though the sun wasn´t going down fully at this time of the year, it got a little more crispy at night. So it was good she had taken a hoodie to put on too, even though the sauna still had er comfortably warm.

But then she remembered that it was Bucky´s hoodie and thought about taking it off again. He had forgotten it one day in her room, never asking to get it back again. So she had kept it, wore it whenever he wasn´t around and wanted to feel closer to him. Why she had packed it to come here, she didn´t know.  

Trying to push away the thought that he would notice his hoodie on her, she stepped back into the house. Bucky crouched in front of the hearth, trying to get a fire going. For that she loved him even more now. It was so nice to sit in front of the fire and just be, besides, the house would get a little colder in the evening now too.

„I can make some tea if you want“, he said without looking at her, throwing some more wood onto the fire. When he did look up at her, his eyes immediately found the hoddie and a smile spread over his face. „But you look quite warm, so maybe no tea.“ Shit. She cleared her throat, really embarrassed he had noticed it.

„No thank you, I´m good.“ Was all she managed to say. Gone was her confidence she had before. He laughed, but nodded.

„Sit in front of the fire?“, he asked and pointed to the two cosy chairs, that he had obviously moved there. Glad he didn´t say anything about her wearing his clothes, she smiled. Choosing one of the chairs she sat down, drawing her legs under her. Bucky slumped down on the other one with a sigh. For a moment he watched the fire, while Nea couldn´t help watching him. He suddenly seemed really distant.

„You okay?“, she asked, which brought his attention back to her. He smiled softly.

„Yeah, I´m good.“ He answered and then took Neas hand with his metal one. She let him play with her fingers again, like before, she felt her body reacting to his touch. Her skin tingling, heart beating a little faster. What was he thinking about? It was quiet between them again, but this time, it wasn´t uncomfortable. Even she felt that it didn´t need any words right now.

After a while they just started to talk, just like they had done a thousad times now. She knew he didn´t want to sleep, event though he seemed as tired as she was. The fresh air here, and her going to the sauna, making it even worse. So she just got up at some point and started to get the bed ready, Bucky quickly coming to help her. For both of them it was out of question, that they would share the bed. After all, they had done this for a long time now. Just last night before they came here, they had slept seperated in their own beds. Due to Bucky avoiding her. And she had really felt alone then, being used to having him next to her. That had led to her not getting that much sleep either. She wondered if Bucky had felt the same, even though he often didn´t really sleep much anyway. Always scared to have another nightmare. But Nea couldn´t help it, she was tired.

„Buck, I´m gonna go check the oven of the sauna and then go to bed. I´m really tired.“ She said after a while. Bucky smiled, he had noticed that she had been almost falling asleep already.

„I can go check the sauna, you go sleep.“

„It´s fine, I…“

„Just go to bed, doll.“ He chuckled, got up and kissed her on the forehead before leaving the house. She sighed, no protest allowed with him. So she made herself comfortable in bed and closed her eyes. When she was almost asleep, she felt the matress dip and soon a warm body pressed to her back. Bucky slung one arm around her, last thing she noticed was how their fingers interwined, before she really drifted into sleep.

 ~*~

Nea woke up feeling a little cold. She turned, feeling around the bed for Bucky. But the place next to her was empty. Suddenly she was wide awake, searching the room for him. Her eyes found him by the window. Seated on the small sofa there, bathed in the orange light of the upcoming sun, he looked outside.

„Bucky?“, she said with a sleepy voice and got out of the bed. Did he have a nightmare again? Why hadn´t she noticed anything? He looked at her approaching, smiling soflty. „Did you dream again?“, he shook his head.

„Couldn´t really sleep.“ Was all he said, holding out a hand to her. Nea didn´t hesitate long, sat down on his lap and leaned into him. She loved it to sit and cuddle with him like this, and he seemd to need it too right now. Bucky took the blanket from the backrest of the sofa and spread it over them. His lips touched her forehead again for a kiss and she couldn´t help a satisfied sigh, closing her eyes. He would talk if he needed to and she would listen.

„Nea?“

„Hm?“

„Thank you. I mean, for being there for me, especially with those dreams. The things you know about me… Sometimes I don´t know why you still talk to me.“ Nea looked up at him. He had this sad smile when their eyes met and everytime he said something like this, her heart broke for him.

„Don´t say that. You´re not getting rid of me that fast.“ She said with a smile, trying to lift his spirit again. He laughed, so it worked for the moment.

„I don´t intend to“, his voice was so deep and his eyes so intense when he said it, she was glad she already sat on his lap. Before she could even react, he started to talk again. „But I mean it. If you ever need me, I´ll be there for you… You know that, right?“, he didn´t look at her, watching their interwined fingers instead. Nea frowned. Why did he sound so worried?

„I know. Bucky, what´s wrong?“, she had to ask. He sighed and met her eyes again.

„You have bad dreams too, don´t you?“, Nea tensed.

„How do you…?“, was all she managed. How DID he know that? Yes, she had bad dreams too. Maybe not as intense as him, which is why she had hoped he wouldn´t notice anything. He watched her face,  suddenly a little unsure. But then he pulled her a little closer.

„You talk in your sleep. Alot actually.“ Shit.

„And what… what do I say?“, avoiding his gaze, she tried to get up. But Bucky didn´t let her.

„You always seem scared, pleeding with somebody. I always pull you close to me, you don´t wake up but calm down at least. Tonight you did it again.“ He explained so softly, she shivered. When he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, she closed her eyes. Trying really hard to controll her emotions.

„How much did Steve tell you about me?“, she asked as soon as she trustet her voice again. She knew they had been talking about her, but didn´t know how much Steve had told him. Not everybody knew the whole story. What she had done before he had found her.

„Just that he found you after a mission, a big illegal fight club, pretty beaten up.“ He said and Nea looked at him again. That really seemed to be all he knew, he wouldn´t lie to her. She sighed, maybe it was time to open up to him. He had to know she trusted him, it was just hard to talk about it. But that was sure something he could relate to. And it warmed her heart that he wanted to know.

„Almost dead would be more accurate.“ Bucky inhaled sharply at her pretty silent comment. It was true, she had been half dead, lying in that street behind the building that had been her prison for months.

„You want to tell me what happend? I mean, you don´t have to. But…“ Bucky started, when she didn´t say any more for a while. But she stopped him with a finger on his lips.

„It´s okay, I just… It might just take a moment“, he nodded at that and waited. Nea took a deep breath. „I was one of the female fighters. Not exactly voluntarily. The boss of the whole thing trained me, or better, made me. After loosing my family and everything else because of me stupidly falling in love with an asshole, I lived on the streets. He took me in, it started with a waiter job at the events. When he saw me fighting off a pervert grabbing my butt, he locked me up with four of his best woman in the cage that was the fighting ring.“ Now she felt Bucky tense, his grip on her hip intensified. When she looked at him questioningly, he tried to smile.

„Sorry.“ He whispered, loosening his grip.

„I survived somehow. And he made me train with him. It was either that, or back to living in the streets. I didn´t know anybody else.“ Still to this day she thought that she could have made it, if she had tried harder.

„That´s where you´ve got your fighting skills from.“ Bucky stated, she nodded.

„I had been doing some selfdefense courses before, which is why I could fight off the grabby guy. But his training was nothing against it. I got hurt, alot. He wasn´t exactly careful. If I wasn´t concentrated enough, or didn´t do what he wanted me to do, he hit me. Hard.“ Bucky growled. Seeing him fighting his emotions now, almost made her cry. She wouldn´t cry now, had to keep talking.

„But when I finally managed to knock out some of his guards, he put me up for fights. The first ones where really easy, but then… I´m not proud of alot of things I have done in this ring. I´ve hurt people, pretty bad. Sometimes I had to injure them to win. But the worst thing was, at some point I started to enjoy it. It helped me with my emotional pain, took out my frustration. It was wrong, but… I did it.“ Now she couldn´t stop the tears from coming. She hated herself for the person she had been back then, even though she never wanted to go that way. Bucky drew her closer again, making her put her head on his chest. He held her and let her cry, kissing the top of her head.

„Did he… Did he do anything else to you?“, Bucky asked after a few minutes. His heartbeat had calmed her down, but again he sounded worried. Swallowing hard, she shook her head lightly.

„No“, she had to clear her throat. „No, he didn´t. Made me serve him and he tried to prostitute me once to a guy, making some money. But I beat him up.“ She could feel the relieved breath that left Bucky´s body.

„So, what happend the night Steve found you?“, Bucky asked, changing the subject again.

„Boss was angry with me because of the guy, apparently he had been a big investor. He usually gave me a pretty good beating whenever I wouldn´t bow to his will. But after that, he locked me in my little, dirty room. Always having one of his guys in front of the door. He put me up against the champion, to teach me a lesson he said. She was way taller and more muscular than me, no one had ever lasted more than one round with her. I lasted five somehow.“ Bucky cursed silently, so she liftet her head to look at him, before continuing.

„When Steve and his cavalry came in, I managed to drag myself out of the building in the chaos that erupted. I made it out the backdoor where I collapsed. There I was, leaning against the wall and glad it would finally be over. But then there was Captain America, I was barely able to see him. The last thing I remember is him kneeling in front of me, taking my hand and saying `Don´t worry, I got you now´, before I fainted.“ It was weird, but she still remembered that she had smiled at him. Thinking she would die and finally be free.

Bucky seemed to sense her feelings right now and squeezed her hand.

„Steve told me he took you to the hospital and didn´t leave your side, until you were better.“ He said, she nodded. So he had been talking about that at least.

„He did. At first I thought it was just because I was one of the the main witnesses, being the boss´s… You know. Just my statement could have gotten him behind bars and there were people after me. He was with me the whole time in the court too and then, when everything was over, I was sure he would send me away. But instead, he took me to the tower and gave me a home. I still don´t know what he saw in me that he did this.�� Her sad smile made him sigh.

„Well, I know. In some ways you could be his twin. Big heart, stubborn, a fighter in more than one way.“ The way he looked at her now, made her shiver again. But she shook her head.

„I´m serious Bucky. I still don´t think I deserved it, after all the things I have done.“ Her eyes teared up again. Bucky took her face in his hands, so she had to look at him.

„Don´t say that. You didn´t have a choice.“ He said with tears in his eyes himself, which hit her right in the heart. But then she realised what he had said really and smiled, leaving him a little confused.

„You know that is what I always tell you, right?“, was her explaining answer. Bucky looked surprised first, then shook his head with a small smile.

„It is, yes.“

„And do you believe me when I tell you that?“, at this moment she was glad she´d told him. Make him see how she felt and that in some way, they weren´t so different when it came to this.

„No. But I´m beginning to understand…“, she hoped he did. That he knew she understood how he felt, because she had felt the same desperation. But didn´t anymore, since they had gotten so close to each other. He had been there for her as much as she had for him. „I´m glad he found you.“ He said, cupping her face. Nea´s heart stopped for a moment, did he come closer? Before she could even react, his lips were on hers, kissing her softly. At first she was so surprised, that she didn´t do anything. When Bucky seemed to pull away, probably unsure about her non existing reaction, she reached for him, putting a hand in his neck to pull him closer. She could feel him smiling into the kiss, before he deepend it again. To feel him like that, like she had imagined it so many times, felt like fireworks exploding in her stomach. She needed to get even closer to him, feel so much more of him, because maybe this was all a dream and she would wake up soon.

It didn´t take long and she straddled his lap, their kiss getting more passionate. His hands roamed over her back, giving her goosebumps when he found some bare skin. They both broke the kiss when they needed some air, hearts pounding in the same rhythm, she could feel it. Bucky smiled before resting his forehead against hers, burrying his hands in her hair.

„I should have done this a long time ago.“  He said breathless, his eyes practically glowing. Nea had no words right now, so she answered in the only way she could now. She kissed him again, trying to put all the feelings she had in it. And when she drew back, looking at him, she knew it was enough for now. He knew.

When he kissed her again, she let her hands roam over his body. Finding the hem of his shirt fast enough, her hands dove under it and touched his stomach, he sighed into the kiss. Nea used it to pull the shirt up and over his head, leaving him in nothig but his boxers. For her he was beautiful and she loved looking at him. Bucky squirmed under her, snapping her out of her trance. She bent down for another kiss, her hands gliding over his muscled chest up to his broad shoulders.

When she slid even deeper into his lap, his grip on her hips tensed. Their kiss was still heated, but something was wrong. Other than the kissing, he was totally still. She felt like her hands where everywhere over him, loving the feel of him. But his hands remained on her hips, with an iron grip. Again she drew back, looking at him. They were both breathing hard from making out and the heat building up between them. Maybe she should make the next step. So she took hold of her shirt, ready to take it off, when he stopped her with his hands on hers.

Nea tried to ignore the stabbing pain of rejection. So he didn´t want this after all. But when he looked up at her with sad eyes, she frowned.

„What´s wrong?“, had she done something wrong?

„I just…“, he sighed. „I don´t want to hurt you.“, Neas heart ached for him when he couldn´t even look at her right now, watching his metal arm instead. How could he ever think that? Laying a hand on his cheek, she made him look at her again.

„You  won´t. I know I´m save with you.“ With that being said, she sat up and took off her shirt, full aware that she wasn´t wearing a bra. She was nervous to look at him again, but when she did, she almost stopped breathing. The love in his eyes right now, made her whole body tingle. A surprised screech left her mouth, when Bucky suddenly stood up, lifting her easily. He made his way over to the bed with her, Nea started to kiss his neck. Which made him shudder with pleasure.

Bucky laid her down on the bed, climbed on top of her and looked so deep into Nea´s eyes, that she was glad she was already laying down. She knew he wanted to make sure one more time, that she really wanted this. But she did, for so long now that she felt herself shiver with pleasure, before drawing him closer for a kiss. She could feel that he wanted this as much as she did. And when she slung her legs around his hips, she hoped this really wasn´t just a dream.

~*~

When Nea woke up, the spot next to her was empty again. She didn´t hear anything in the house, so she guessed he was outside somewhere. It must have been the middle of the day right now, she had been sleeping really long. Memorys of the night made her smile, already missing the contact to him. So she got up, put some underwear and his hoodie on. Barefoot she made her way to the windows in the livingroom area, there he was, on the big front porch. He had been training, his naked upper body was slightly glistening with sweat. But he seemed distant, thoughtful, watching the surroundings. What if he regretted last night? The thought alone made her heart stop for a moment. There was only one way to find out, so she took a deep breath, opened the door and stepped outside. She was sure he had heard it, but didn´t act up on it. She walked over and slung her arms around him, putting her hands on his chest. Not tall enough to put her head on is shoulder, she kissed him softly on his left shoulder, right next to where his metal arm started. When she leaned her chin against his warm skin, he shudderd.

„What´re you thinking about?“, she asked, almost whispering. A little scared what his answer would be.

„About you.“ her heart stopped, while she felt his beating steady under her hand. Bucky detached her hands from his chest, just to turn around and face her with a smile, that made her almost forget how to breathe. Taking her face in his hands, he pulled her closer.

„How it can be that you make me feel this whole again. Which I haven´t felt in a really long time. How you showed me, that I can feel so strongly for somebody, that it almost hurts. But in a good way“, with the way he looked at her right now, Nea felt herself tearing up. His thumbs stroking her cheeks so softly, he was so close to her lips now. „And how I love to see you in my clothes.“ he said and made her laugh with it. But then she kissed him, desperately needing the connection with him right now. Her arms went around his neck, he grabed her by the waist and pulled her even closer. The kiss was so passionate, yet with so much feelings, that her whole body felt like a thousand fireworks again. When they broke away from the kiss for air, they smiled at each other. Nea wanted to tell him, that she felt the same way about him. She wanted to tell him right now, what she felt for a really long time already. But was it the right time? Hadn´t he just basically said the same, just in a different way?

„What is it?“, Bucky asked, frowning. Of course he sensed it. Biting her lip, she looked down at his chest, tracing a finger over the spot where his heart was.

„I love you, James Buchanan Barnes.“ She said with a shaky voice. It felt right to finally say it. Before she hadn´t even thought she would ever have the chance to. Bucky was quiet for a moment, which felt like forever for her. But then he made her look up at him again, his eyes practically glowing now. He still didn´t say anything, but kissed her. Right now, that was enough for her.

They spent the days talking, laughing, swimming and training. Bucky always praised her fighting, especially when she got him down. But Nea knew he did that on purpose, he let her `win´. He knew how insecure she often felt about it, so she didn´t say anything and thanked him with a kiss, everytime he showered her with compliments about it. When it was raining outside, they spent their time mostly snuggled up before the window, watching the rain. Or they cuddled in bed, in front of the fireplace. Reading or reading to each other. They loved each other. Alot. And Nea felt like she would burst with happiness anytime. Something she hadn´t thought to ever feel again. But he had changed everything for her.

Bucky even wanted to meet her friends, so she arranged a visit. It warmed Neas heart, seeing Bucky being so good with their little boys. Of course they were fascinated by his arm. At first she had been scared it would be too much for him. But he calmly answered every question they had, now and then looking at her for support. Her friends liked him. They saw she was happy. That he made her happy.

In between she talked to Steve and Wanda on the phone. Bucky didn´t like talking on the phone, so he gladly let her do it. She didn´t say anything about them, that she and Bucky where together now. Just that it was going really good. At least Wanda knew it. Even through the phone she could read her like a book. Steve told her that they might have to come back soon, for a mission. But he would let them know when it was time.

So they enjoyed the time they had together. The nature around them had enough to discover. And it gave them time to discover more about each other. Nea loved to hear him tell storys about him and Steve being kids. She told him about her time in Finland, before everthing had gone wrong. That she had been happy here.

One day Nea had the feeling that their time in this piece and quiet would be over very soon. She often had feelings like that, didn´t know why, but so far she had always been right. So she wanted to use the sauna again one last time. Bucky had told her that he didn´t like it she was swimming naked afterwards, because he didn´t want anyone seeing her like that. Everytime she had gone to the sauna after that, she had put something on before going for a swim. For him. He had always joined her for that. But for her maybe last time, she wanted to do it the Finnish way again. Bucky had been going for a run, so she had her chance to do that alone. What he didn´t know…

„Going somewhere?“, Nea jumped and hid behind the wooden door of the sauna. Bucky was sitting on one of the stones next to the small stairs, looking up at her.

„Bucky, what…?“, damn it. She had been so close. Looked like she had enjoyed the sauna a little too long. He got up and came up to her, just her head peaked out of the door. Her eyes traveled over his naked upper body. His skin was glistening with sweat and all in all, she wanted to jump him on the spot. But he didn´t seem amused, crossing his arms over his chest while looking at her.

„Buck, come on. Nobody is here besides you and me.“ Nea said, batting her eylashes at him. He sighed and stepped aside.

„Go“ was all he said, Nea smiled, hurried out and to the water. Again she screeched a little, when she hit the cold water. But again, it felt SO nice. When she looked back to Bucky, she smiled. He was just taking off his shoes and pants. She bit her lip, watching him walk into the water, naked now too. Jesus, he was SO beautiful! But when he didn´t even flinch while getting into the cold water, she scoffed.

„What?“, he asked, laughing when he reached her. She shook her head and started swimming. He followed and together they took a smal lap. It felt good and refreshing. Bucky waited for her on the shore, still standing in the water up to his hips. Smiling at him, she wanted to pass him, but he stopped her and pulled her close. Of course she didn´t protest when he kissed her, just leaning into it. When his fingers softly trailed over her back, down to her butt, she shuddered.

„Are you cold?“, Bucky asked, breaking the kiss.

„How could I?“, she said with a big grin. He laughed and kissed her nose, she loved it when he did that. Leaning her cheek against his chest, he embraced her and they just enjoyed standing there. Holding each other naked in the water.

„Promise me, we will come back here some day.“ She said after a while, looking back up at him. Brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear, he kissed her forehead.

„I promise. But I think we have to go now.“ Nea frowned, but then looked over his shoulders just to see Steve standing not far from them. He leaned against a tree, arms crossed and watching them with a shit eating grin. Of course Bucky had heard him.

„Told you I would let you know when it was time to come back.“ Steve said and had the nerve to wink at her.

„Seriously?“, she said incredulously. Feeling herself blush, she pressed herself closer to Bucky. He laughed and slung his arms around her, before looking over his shoulder at Steve himself. The bastard seemed to enjoy this. She was naked for gods sake. Sure, she had known it would be time soon. But this was just Steve Rogers timing to show up right at this moment.

„Would you mind Rogers?“, Bucky said, but with a smile, to his friend. Steve laughed.

„Sure, sorry. Waiting inside. Oh, I am alone by the way.“ again he winked at Nea, before he went up to the house. She grumbled, burrying her face at Buckys chest. He laughed, kissing her head.

„Understand now why I didn´t like you to go swimming naked?“, apparently Bucky found the whole thing funny now, while she just wanted to hide in shame. When she just grumbled in response, he laughed again. „Come on, he´s inside the house now. And it´s Steve, he wouldn´t look anyway.“ He dragged her out of the water and both of them got dressed fast.

Steve was still smiling when they entered the house, sitting in one of the cosy chairs. But he didn´t say anything about them, just coming straight to why he picked them up now. Nea was thankful for that. It would be Bucky´s first mission in a while. Her heart melted when Bucky looked at her, his eyes gleaming with excitement. She knew that meant alot to him. And he was ready now. He still had his nightmares, like she did, but they dealed differently with that now. It would do him good, to be in action again.

When Steve had explained it all, they got up to pack their stuff. But Steve stopped Nea by taking her hand. Before she could ask what it was, he pulled her into a hug. Smiling, she hugged him back.

„Told you he likes you too.“ Steve said close to her ear, before he broke away from her with a big grin. Shaking her head, she laughed. He really did love it to be right.

When things were all packed, she persuaded Steve to let her say goodbye to her friends. The boys getting excited to see Captain America himself, which was just a joy to watch. The guys with kids. And Nea promised them to keep more in contact again.

They left Finland with another happy memory for her. And she hoped it would be one for Bucky to hold on too. They would make alot more of those together now. Hopefully.

[lordnochybaty]

OKAY. I HAVE MORE. (I can't help myself your writing is just too good 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼) Spork (hihi I always loved that name oops) MaxAnne Quill/Gamora (idk if you ship them but you can do a friendship one on them too :3)

Hey again, thanks so much for another ask :D I’m so glad you enjoyed those enough to ask for more ships :D (Sorry it took a bit to answer, they take longer than I anticipated. ;))

MaxAnne, I actually already posted.

And sadly I can’t do Quill/Gamora, not even as a friendship, because I still haven’t seen the Guardians. (I know, I know!) So really, I very vaguely know who they are and that’s not enough to write them. XD

The time has come to answer for Spork :D (And since you haven’t specified, I’m focusing on AOS Spock/Kirk, because I like them better.)

who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter

Spock is the werewolf. The first Vulcan werewolf to be precise and after he gets bitten, Jim is assigned to make sure all goes well. The threat of Jim killing Spock if things don’t go well is clear to everyone involved, even if it might not be clearly stated.

Vulcans are kinda offended because they insist it’s all about staying in control and that’s what they’re good at, so they hardly need a human to teach one of their own how to stay calm and logical. The thing is though that Spock actually acts less Vulcan-like than they would prefer. He has his angry outburst and illogical moments of pride. They blame it on his human mother which causes one of the worst of his angry outburst, his eyes actually gleam yellow and Vulcans decide that okay, maybe human hunter is necessary because Spock is clearly beyond help and some drastic measures are required to help him. (Or put him down.)

So, Jim arrives, expecting a wild, angry, half-transformed werewolf who can’t control his new powers and he meets Spock. Then it’s a long ass story about learning to accept yourself and parts of you that you can’t control, and Spock being epically great at self-control by human and werewolves standard, but still a little unpredictable punk by Vulcan standards.

who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman

When Spock saw a first big body of water in real life he caused a minor diplomatic incident. It was a lake so big he couldn’t see the end of it, and by the end of the pier so deep he couldn’t see the bottom of it either. He knew of course about water on Earth, how much more of it there was than on Vulcan, but he did not expect the reaction it caused in him when he saw it. It was overwhelming and peaceful and so tempting. The diplomatic event his father attended was held in a hotel with a secured and empty beach but far to the right, Spock could see an open one, full of kids and adults whose shrieks and laughter still traveled to him, muffled by the distance. The urge to at least touch the water was highly illogical but Spock was also five and very much bored with all the politics he had to endure for the last few days. He crouched by the end of the pier and reached towards the water. In hindsight, it would be smarter to just lie down, really.

He fell into the water far too deep for him and splashed around in panic before going down quickly, mostly in shock.

That’s when he first met Jim, a far too curious merman who slipped his uncle care to observe the air-breathers. He grinned at Spock and helped him back out, making him climb to the pier so the humans could save him without seeing Jim.

Sarek was quite disappointed in his son’s show of illogical behavior but human diplomats were charmed and suddenly convinced Vulcans aren’t that bad and inhuman. The diplomatic meeting lasted another two days and was quite fruitful and Spock kept sneaking out at all times to meet Jim and promise him he will come back when he can.

Years later, when he declined admission to the Vulcan Science Academy the lake was the only place he could think of going.

who’s the witch and who’s the familiar

Spock is the witch and Jim is an incredibly annoying familiar but none of Spock’s magic works properly without him. He always imagined finding his familiar like others did on Vulcan, one of their own. Logical and calm. Focusing their magic. Instead, he met Jim who instead of bringing focus to their combined powers, brought strength that rivaled with those most powerful in the federation.

who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict

Jim is making some extra cash during the academy days. Full scholarship and Pike’s blessing are all great but it’s nice to have something besides that. Or bet anything on just this one chance. Part of him is convinced he will be the greatest Starfleet captain of all time and Pike will be so proud of him one day he will just keep telling everyone how he enlisted him. Part of him remembers always not being good enough, and always working far from the command level and it still makes him feel like he’s fooling them all. Barely passing through his classes on some dumb luck, few brain cells, and his father’s name. That part makes him take the job at the cafe so he has something he knows, something he feels he can handle without Pike or his dad.

Spock orders one coffee every day because Vulcans don’t drink coffee. It’s illogical. Caffeine is a natural poison and if one is too exhausted to start a new day they should invest in better sleeping and meditating practices, not poison. Spock likes the bitter taste but he does not deny that he’s satisfying his illogical need to prove himself different than those who shined him.

They sometimes indulge in some small talk. Jim sometimes flirts at oblivious Spock. Sometimes they accidentally get into an argument about astrophysics or interplanetary politics. It’s all going well until Jim randomly suggests chocolate flavored mocha for a change and Spock feels rebellious and curious enough to accept it.

By the end of that day, Pike wants to strangle them both.

who’s the professor and who’s the TA

The thing is, Kirk was supposed to be Pike’s TA. And that was grand because they got each other and Pike new Jim was full of shit but also actually a really good kid with a really good brain in his thick skull. But Pike decided to get hurt on the basic training trip with the new cadets and so Spock is taking over his classes, and his TA. And it’s vaguely possible Jim and Spock will kill each other before the term is over.

who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

Spock is the prince, Jim is the knight from Earth assigned to watch over Vulcan’s prince during his stay on Earth. Jim takes his responsibilities very seriously. He makes sure Spock is safe, he deals with any threat against him and also maybe possibly buys him ice-cream because Spock said he never had any and really, that is a crime that needs to be stopped asap.

who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent

The problem with Spock’s child, T’huk, is that he’s ¼ human. Spock never considered it to be a problem, after all, he’s a ½ human, he should be able to relate. But it seems the genetics played a joke on both of them when T’huk ended up in some ways being more human than Spock. All Spock wants is to connect with him but sometimes it feels like a diplomatic mission instead of a family dinner.

When Jim, T’huk’s new teacher, enters their lives, Spock is both grateful and envious which is highly illogical but he can hardly do anything about it.

who’s the writer and who’s the editor

Jim is the writer… Or rather it was a request after their last mission, saving the earth, getting Khan and all that jazz, to make a book out of Jim’s logs. That’s when Spock informs him that Captain’s logs aren’t exactly private. Jim theoretically knew that? But never expect anyone to actually check those out. He tends to ramble A LOT. There may be a few rants that should never see the light of the day. Sadly, he’s still stuck in the hospital and conscious only for a few hours a day, so he begs Spock - begs - to go through those and check them out before they get sent anywhere. BEcause it will be embarrassing as hell for Spock to listen to those, but still better than others.

Spock is still so glad his captain is alive that he agrees without much hesitation. He regrets it very quickly. He never expected there to be that much material. The captain rants A LOT. Most of it is completely unusable. (No one needs to know how the Captain feels about the softness of his new uniform or hear his in-depth analysis of Doctor McCoy’s eyebrow movement as relating to his current mood.) Some of it is downright disturbing. (And Spock felt illogical need to avoid eye-contact with Lt. Sulu the next time he encountered him.) However, some of it is quite illuminating and maybe it’s worth the bother. (And Spock never expected so many of those logs to be about him and surely not in such context.)

[velvetchen]

Anonymous | pt. vi [final]

[ back to masterlist ]

Scenario: Tumblr AU Pairing: Chanyeol/Reader Word Count: 3804 Rating: T

Summary: Can you fall in love with someone you’ve never met? You just shot to tumblr fame when the latest chapter of your webtoon went viral. Messages start flooding in – hundreds of people saying things good and bad alike. One anon catches your eye, and you find you just have to reply to them…

<< previous part 

[6:44 PM] Jia: so have you replied yet? [6:51 PM] You: no [6:53 PM] Jia: it’s been three days the poor guy’s probably a shell of a man by now [6:54 PM] You: jIA [6:54 PM] You: HE’S AN IDOL [6:54 PM] Jia: oh yeah i forgot that means he doesn’t have a heart [6:55 PM] You: ugh stop [6:55 PM] You: okay maybe i should [6:56 PM] Jia: you should [6:56 PM] Jia: you will [7:09 PM] You: fine, i will

EXO’s Chanyeol meets with fan?

Last night, photos of a certain idol meeting with a woman at night were posted on a blog. Since then, the photos have been removed from that site, but you can see them here. Chanyeol is wearing a black hoodie in an attempt to avoid being recognized but his face is clearly visible in the photo.

But, the photo is taken from opposite Chanyeol, so we can’t see who the woman is.

cr. to anonymous

[10:04 PM] You: hey [10:04 PM] You: i’m sorry i kept you waiting so long [10:05 PM] You: i honestly didn’t know how to respond to that? [10:06 PM] You: even looking at the message is making me freak out >.<

C is typing…

[10:07 PM] C: it’s okay :) [10:08 PM] C: i wasn’t expecting anything don’t worry [10:08 PM] C: i just wanted to get it out [10:09 PM] C: i hope it’s not too weird now [10:11 PM] You: it’s a little weird but i think i’ll manage [10:11 PM] You: thank you for being honest [10:12 PM] You: you understand if i need some space, right?

[11:22 PM] C: yeah no problem

Anonymous asked: You aren’t safe from us. Stay away from him

Anonymous asked: We know it’s you

Anonymous asked: Bitch leave Chanyeol alone

ssih943

You aren’t following this user. Do you want to report spam?

ssih943: It’s me again!

ssih943: Your biggest fan :)

ssih943: If you haven’t guessed already, I was the one who took those photos

ssih943: You’re welcome

Posted on 3 December with 203 notes

strawberryshortcakecomic:

Hi everyone! So I’m sure all of you know about the issue with me and a couple of anons that were giving me a hard time. I don’t want to confirm or deny anything in particular because it might trigger more hate, whatever I say, so I’m going to make this my last post on the topic. I’m also not going to answer any asks about this issue, the photos that were uploaded, or C. I hope you all can understand and help me sort this out on my own. Thank you!

[9:33 AM] You: hey you there, can i talk to you? [9:49 AM] You: chanyeol?? [10:14 AM] You: are you there?

Posted 4 December with 66 notes

justanothershortcake:

Firstly, I swear I’ll get back to the theories as soon as this gets cleared up. I want to say I’m really worried about S (I’m sure you all are too). So I thought let’s get together and do our thing and find out who this anon is. And get them to back off once and for all.

Meanwhile, let’s send her supportive messages! Fighting! ~

justanothershortcake:

A lot of you have been sending in messages about the reblogs on her posts. So far we have a bunch of users that have reblogged her posts with mean comments, but there’s only one anon that’s been uploading the photos/doxxing, and so far all of them just seem like regular blogs, half of them don’t even post SS. Keep looking guys!

sshortcakess:

Okay so I tried this thing

The blog that posted the photos? I traced it to a dead facebook account that had a few leftover posts. Aaaaand in the photos section, there’s a screenshot (unrelated) where in the corner you can see this icon

[img]

Which is for HideMe VPN. I cracked up, HideMe is The Worst VPN ever, this person must WANT us to find them.

So HideMe is specific to Korea, I know that much. And it offers five countries to hide your IP: the USA, the UK, Netherlands, Romania and Japan.

Coming to the next part of my plan: the SS blog has a pageview counter! So we can see who’s logged on and when. I’m going to monitor the pageview counter and see if there are any visitors from the HideMe countries. There are actual legit visitors from these countries I know, but I'm going to see if any of them correspond to the hate comments. I’ll update with progress as I go!

If any of you want to help me stakeout, you’re welcome to join! Shoot me a message on here or on my twitter. 

justanothershortcake:

^^ This is an excellent idea! Shortcakes, please help El @sshortcakess out, I really think this might work!

sshortcakess:

It’s been a couple of hours and a lot of you have messaged me wanting to help, so thank you, guys! So far we have 130 hits from Japan (lol good luck with that), 30 or so from the USA, and 12 from the UK. I’m trying to see if I can message S and ask if anyone has sent anything recently.

Since this is a stalker anon I’m guessing they’ll be obsessively checking S’s blog, and since they’re from Korea obviously and S is also from Korea, they’ll most probably be checking from about 9am to 12am KST (UTC +9), because that’s when S is online. Sorry, my psych major is showing, hehe. I’ll try this and then update. 

sshortcakess:

Update: S replied to me! She said the blogs oo3043j and ssih943 have both been messaging her pretending to be the ‘stalker’. They’re both empty bot-like blogs but I’m looking around for something I can use to track them.

I’ve created a fake tumblr to follow both of those blogs, because they like every single one of S’s posts and I can try to get a read on where they are.

More updates to come!

[1:12 AM] C: sorry, i was on a flight! [1:13 AM] C: going to be a bit busy for the next few weeks, comeback promotions [1:14 AM] C: hey now that you know who i am, you can listen to our music!

[1:55 AM] You: oh don’t worry, i understand :) [1:55 AM] You: take care of yourself please ~

[3:23 AM] C: i will!

[12:15 PM] You: hey! [12:15 PM] You: we haven’t talked in a few days, is everything good?

[3:35 PM] C: oh sorry, S [3:35 PM] C: i’ve been really busy! promotions are tiring me out a lot [3:35 PM] C: i hope you can find it in your loving, generous heart to forgive me T_T

[3:59 PM] You: lol don’t worry! [4:00 PM] You: i hope you’re taking care of yourself

[5:19 PM] You: hey, chanyeol?

[5:26 PM] You: jia, do you think he’s avoiding me? [5:27 PM] You: sent a photo [5:27 PM] You: i mean he did say he was busy but it’s been three days [5:28 PM] You: and he wanted me to text him

[5:46 PM] Jia: okay Y/N to be honest [5:46 PM] Jia: you’re as thick as a wall sometimes [5:47 PM] Jia: firstly you stomped all over his love confession [5:47 PM] Jia: then you asked him to “give you space”, which he did, like some kind of unearthly gentleman [5:48 PM] Jia: now you’re bothering him during comeback promotions and expecting him to reply as usual??? [5:48 PM] Jia: don’t you think you’re being sort of selfish? [5:48 PM] You: well when you put it that way… [5:49 PM] Jia: and he’s STILL being nice to you [5:50 PM] Jia: damn you have it good [5:50 PM] You: i guess i am being kind of selfish ;-; [5:51 PM] You: but i don’t know what to do [5:52 PM] You: i just want things to go back to how they were when we started talking [5:52 PM] You: everything’s just happening too quickly [5:53 PM] You: the stalker, the hate, his confession? [5:53 PM] You: i don’t think i want this [5:55 PM] Jia: okay let’s take this one step at a time [5:56 PM] Jia: the stalker and the hate? you can’t do anything about that right now [5:56 PM] You: you’re right [5:56 PM] Jia: but with chanyeol? you can! [5:57 PM] Jia: do you want him or not? [5:58 PM] Jia: really think about it, because i don’t think you guys will be able to keep in contact if you reject him

[6:06 PM] You: i don’t know, jia [6:07 PM] You: i think i might like him too

Posted on 7 December with 166 notes

strawberryshortcakecomic:

Hey guys! I’ve been invited to a WEBTOON special fanmeet in Seoul this Saturday! If you’re there, I’d really love to meet you! You’ll also get to see your other favorite authors, like mika-chan, essstar, and quimchi! The event will begin at 9 am (KST, of course) and if you’re lucky you’ll get to have lunch with us! I look forward to meeting you all!

[6:17 PM] Jia: are you sure?

[6:21 PM] You: i don’t know ;-; [6:22 PM] Jia: okay now the relationship queen (me) is going to ask you three questions [6:23 PM] You: go for it [6:25 PM] Jia: how often do you smile during your conversations? [6:26 PM] You: pretty often actually [6:26 PM] You: more than i thought i did [6:26 PM] You: does this mean i like him? oh no [6:27 PM] Jia: shhh i’m not done yet [6:27 PM] Jia: did you think he was attractive? [6:28 PM] You: what kind of question is that hahaha [6:28 PM] You: of course i did [6:30 PM] Jia: okay last question [6:30 PM] Jia: if you didn’t know each other at all, and you met on the street [6:31 PM] Jia: pretend he’s not an idol just for this [6:32 PM] Jia: if he asked you out just like that without you knowing him, would you say yes?

Anonymous asked: you’re already having your second fan meet! I’m so happy for you! I can’t wait to see you there -hand anon xx

Ahaha I can’t wait to see you too, hand anon! I hope you’ve washed my autograph off so I can sign it again!

Anonymous asked: is C coming to your fansign lol 6v6

I’m not discussing him sorry

jinhosgf asked: i printed out the entire first episode for you to sign this time! - hand anon xx

Ahhh why the first episode (it’s my least favorite) I’ll sign it for you, though! <3

[7:14 PM] You: you know, i think i would [7:15 PM] You: i would

[7:19 PM] Jia: you have your answer then. go get him! [7:19 PM] Jia: ;)

[7:45 PM] You: hey, chanyeol [7:46 PM] You: i really hate bothering you like this [7:46 PM] You: but it’s kind of important, can we talk?

[9:12 PM] You: chanyeol?

[10:55 PM] You: hey, you okay?

[1:06 AM] You: are you avoiding me? :(

Posted on 8 December with 29 notes

sshortcakess:

Okay! Update, finally. I’ve narrowed it down to three IP addresses that have been the most frequent visitors from the mentioned countries. A little bit of hacking (shhh, I learnt it in my White-Hat course, I’m a licensed ethical hacker FYI) and I’ve confirmed that one of the three users is from Seoul! It has to be them, otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to stalk S irl - she lives in Seoul. Thank you guys for all your help! I couldn’t have done it without you!

tags: #i’d tag all of you but some of you wanted to stay anonymous #i’ve told S that i found the stalker #we’ll see if she replies #if she’s okay with it #i’ll investigate the identity of the stalker #hopefully stalker doesn’t try to go to the fan meet #my post #strawberryshortcakecomic #strawberrystalkerscandal

[5:25 AM] C: i’m not avoiding you [5:25 AM] C: i told you i’m really busy, i’m not available to talk [5:26 AM] C: honestly, you’re being a little insensitive [5:27 AM] C: also, you rejected me and now you still want to be friends like nothing happened? [5:27 AM] C: i’m sorry but i can’t do that [5:28 AM] C: either you want me or you don’t [5:28 AM] C: don’t do this to me. i’m stressed enough already

[8:13 AM] You: chanyeol i’m sorry i was sort of drunk and it was the middle of the night [8:13 AM] You: i didn’t think you would take it like this

C is typing…

[8:14 AM] C: that’s no excuse [8:14 AM] C: if you were drunk, then you really meant what you said [8:15 AM] C: and you didn’t think i’d take it like this? [8:15 AM] C: what’s that supposed to mean? [8:16 AM] C: of course i’d take it like this [8:16 AM] C: you can’t take advantage of me [8:18 AM] You: i’m really sorry please talk to me [8:18 AM] You: like i said, i have something important to tell you

[8:34 AM] C: i don’t want to hear it right now [8:34 AM] C: i’d like it if you left me alone

Calling C…

The person you have dialed has rejected your call.

Calling C…

The person you have dialed has rejected your call.

Calling C…

“Chanyeol, are you there?”

Call ended 0:08

Calling C…

This number is switched off.

Posted on 10 December with 12 notes

strawberryshortcakecomic:

I’m at the venue! It’s not time for the doors to open yet, but I see a lot of you here! I wanted to express my thanks to you all for coming and supporting me, despite the events of the past month. I feel a connection to all of you, and I’m grateful I have you in my life.

tags: #s liveblogs #seoulwebtoonfanmeet

Posted on 10 December with 34 notes

sshortcakess:

On S’s request, I’ve investigated the stalker’s profile and identity. StrawberryStalker is 19-year-old Lee Da-eun from Seoul, and on top of harassing S, she’s had three warnings for public misconduct and another two for underage drinking. She’s a sasaeng fan of EXO’s and has been seen at several of their showcases with “hate” signs. She stalked EXO’s Sehun for a month when she was sixteen and spied on their dorms with a camera, which she was given disciplinary action for. You might have also seen k-articles about her leaking the dorm photos on her twitter.

tags: #we’re dealing with a pro here guys #she’s not on the guestlist for the fanmeet according to webtoons #but you never know #S be careful! #strawberryshortcakecomic #strawberrystalkerscandal

[2:07 PM] You: just finished the fan meet + lunch :) [2:08 PM] You: it went so well [2:11 PM] Jia: i’m glad! [2:11 PM] Jia: sorry i couldn’t make it [2:12 PM] You: no worries, you’re here in my heart <3 [2:13 PM] Jia: too cheesy [2:13 PM] You: i know [2:13 PM] You: so cheesy my stomach hurts [2:14 PM] Jia: lol [2:16 PM] You: hold on [2:16 PM] You: my stomach actually hurts? [2:17 PM] You: shit jia it hurts really bad [2:18 PM] Jia: oh my god, what did you eat? [2:19 PM] Jia: Y/N??? [2:21 PM] You: i didn’t eat anything spoilt or bad if that’s what you’re asking [2:22 PM] You: it was super spicy  [2:22 PM] You: but nobody complained and they’re all fine now [2:23 PM] Jia: hold on, i’ll call you and talk you through it

Jia is calling…

“Hello?”

“Shit, Y/N, you do not sound okay.”

“I feel...really nauseous. And - ugh -”

“Did you just throw up? Y/N? Shit!”

“Oh my god, oh my god-”

“What is it?”

“Jia, it’s blood, oh my god, I just threw up blood, what do I do?”

“Okay, calm down! Do you have any other symptoms?”

“I feel really lightheaded, and...and…It’s hard to breathe...”

“Oh god. Y/N, hold on, I’m calling an ambulance.”

“No! I’m fine!”

“You are not fine, you’re throwing up blood!”

“I…”

“Y/N? Are you there?”

“Y/N?”

“Hang on, Y/N, the ambulance is on its way-”

You opened your eyes and immediately shut them. The light was too blinding. Groaning, you braced yourself and tried again.

The first thing you noticed was the cannula in your peripheral vision. Then, the steady beeping of something in the background. A pinch in the crook of your left elbow, which was held straight by a strap at your wrist.

“She’s awake.” You tried to lift your head to find the source of the voice, but the movement was too hard. “Her face looks fine. Blood is clean. Blood pressure slightly below normal, but within the limits, so she should be fine. You don’t need to worry.”

“Oh, thank god.” That was Jia. “Can I go in?”

Something else was murmured, and then you heard two pairs of footsteps walk in and stop by your bed. An unfamiliar face leaned over you and pulled down your eyelids to examine your eyes.

“Jia?” You croaked after the doctor had leaned away.

You felt her hand slip into yours. “Y/N. Hey. You’re okay now.”

“What happened?” Your throat felt ripped open and dry. You coughed. “Can I have some water?”

The doctor muttered something to Jia, then walked away. Her fingers rubbed soothing circles into your palm. “Cyanide poisoning, Y/N. You were extremely lucky you survived.”

Your world stopped. “Poisoning? Cyanide?”

“Yes. Someone messed with your food at the fanmeet.”

You couldn’t wrap your head around it. “...Fanmeet.”

“Yesterday. You’ve been in the hospital for a day and a half. You were in a coma by the time they got to you. It was still soon enough that they could find out it was cyanide poisoning. If they hadn’t got to you in time, you would have died.”

“Died?”

“Mhmm. They couldn’t find out initially because I told them you had been throwing up blood. Turns out the blood and the stomachache were because you also swallowed glass powder in your food.”

Your blood ran cold; you felt dizzy. “It was the stalker?”

Jia shifted closer. “Lee Da-eun, right? She was at the fanmeet. It was her. I’m sorry, Y/N.” She sighed. “In a way, she also saved your life. If she hadn’t put in the glass powder, you wouldn’t have noticed something was wrong in time.”

You groaned again. “Jia, that’s not a good thing.”

“I know! I didn’t say it was. Hey, are you sure you want to-” She winced as you shifted, moving stiffly, avoiding the IV sticking out of your arm.

With great effort, you sat up, leaning on your pillow. “I’m okay.” Then you looked to your right and froze. Slumped in a hospital chair, fast asleep, was Chanyeol, his hoodie pulled up over his bright red hair and his gangly limbs hanging off the seat. “What’s...what’s he doing here?”

Jia gave you a soft smile. “He came to see you,” she said. “He’s been here all night.” You glanced at the clock - it was three in the early morning. Despite your fight, despite his busy life, had he really come here to see you?

“Tell me I’m dreaming.” At that, Chanyeol stirred. You watched as he blinked his eyes open and nearly fell out of his chair, scrambling back up at the last second.

He met your eyes. “You’re awake.” His voice, deep and raspy from sleep, gave you an involuntary shiver. He looked at Jia. “She’s awake.”

Jia smiled knowingly. “I’ll leave you alone.” She stepped out quietly, shutting the door behind her. Now it was just you, Chanyeol, and an awkward silence.

You cleared your throat and started to speak at the same time as he did.

“Thank you-”

“I’m sorry-”

You both burst into laughter, him into a nervous chuckle, you into a tiny giggle that ended with a cough. “You first,” he said, eyes gentle, smile gentler, as he looked at you.

You blushed. “Thank you for coming to see me. It means a lot. I know we weren’t in a good spot, and you’re busy, but you still came. So thank you.”

“I would have come even if I was halfway around the world. I mean it.” He meant it. “I’m sorry I was rude to you earlier.”

You snorted. “You? Rude? Yeah, and I’m part of EXO.”

Chanyeol grinned, eyes twinkling. “So I’m forgiven?”

“There’s nothing to forgive.” You smiled back.

A moment passed. “So, are you going to tell me that important thing?”

Again, you felt heat rush to your face. “I, uh. I was thinking a lot. And…”

“And…?”

“Ilikeyouback,” you said quickly, the words slurring. “As in. I like you, the same way you like me.”

You hadn’t seen anything more wonderful than the happiness that dawned on his face like the sun. His grin grew impossibly wider, his eyes turning into little half-moons. “You do?”

“I do.” You bit your lip.

“Well, now I really hate myself for not listening to you earlier.”

You laughed, patting the side of the bed. “Come here.” He obliged, moving his chair closer until he was at the edge. You held out your hand, and he took it.

“I think we should start over,” you said slowly, and he nodded. “Hi, I’m Y/N, and I’m your biggest fan.”

“Hi, Y/N. I’m Chanyeol. What a coincidence, I’m your biggest fan too.”

Posted on 15 December with 559 notes

strawberryshortcakecomic: 

I really hate to announce this, but in the light of what’s happened, I have to. I will be leaving tumblr to focus on real life and making SS better. However, I’ll still be posting on WEBTOON. After today, this blog will be deactivated. 

To answer the hundreds of questions piled up in my inbox, here’s a small FAQ: 

What happened? Long story short, I was poisoned by the EXO sasaeng who’d been stalking me and C for the past month. She’s in jail now. I’m not in any more danger from her.

Am I okay? Yes! If it weren’t for some incredible doctors, I would be dead right now. I was in the hospital for a few days, but now I’m much better and I’m back at home, ready to crank out the next few chapters of SS!

What about C? Let me just say that YoonJin isn’t the only ship that’s sailed. C is, in fact, Chanyeol from EXO, and here is an interview where he officially announces our relationship! I’m excited to see where it goes, and for the next episode of my life. 

What now? Well, the next update of SS, of course! It’s up on WEBTOON!

I love you all so much and I’ll see you soon! <3

~ S

a/n: ahhhhhhh it’s OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

poll about possible sequel/spinoff: pls vote!

[chimericarchitect]

aestheticVirtuoso 4

-- aestheticVirtuoso [AV] began trolling talentedSalad [TS] at 20:37 --

[08:37] AV: Y+u're g4y.

[08:38] TS: You're not wrong, but why are you bringing this up right now?

[08:39] AV: N+ re4l re4s+n. Just felt like ch4tting.

[08:39] TS: Seems legit; I'd wanna talk to me too if I was lame.

[08:39] TS: You must be very bored.

[08:39] AV: But y+u 4re l4me.

[08:40] TS: Another harsh truth dropped by the master of disaster.

[08:40] AV: +h shit, here c+mes D4t B+i.

[08:41] TS: What, is it Teivel?

[08:42] AV: dfjgkfej/ghkbre hjmu+gsw4 f le /ft4piekj

[08:42] AV: 4dxscghnkl,;gr3ql+5

[08:42] TS: Oh wait. That's a meme.

[08:42] TS: Good job with the mashing, buddy

[08:42] TS: It makes more sense than your reference

[08:42] AV: My lusus is 4 dick s+metimes.

[08:43] TS: Oh shit. REAL TALK.

[08:43] TS: Whassup?

[08:43] TS: Wait.

[08:43] TS: The mashing?

[08:43] AV: He keeps pecking me. Sl4ms his he4d +n the d4mn huskt+p. I h4d t+ sh++ him 4w4y.

[08:44] TS: Holy fuck. Your lusus is such a bird brain

[08:44] TS: badum tsh!

[08:44] AV: W+w. g++d +ne.

[08:44] AV: Must h4<e t4ken y+u sweeps.

[08:45] TS: Haha. So "Dat Boi" was your lusus?

[08:45] TS: comin' to peck your shit

[08:45] AV: B4sic4lly.

[08:45] TS: Top quality lusus you have there

[08:45] TS: How much trouble is he?

[08:46] AV: He's pretty nice m+st +f the time, but he c4n get s+ s4ssy s+metimes.

[08:46] TS: Sassy?

[08:46] TS: Example required.

[08:47] AV: I d+n't kn+w, m4ybe sl4mming his d4mn he4d +n my fre4king huskt+p f+r n+ re4s+n +ther th4n t+ be 4 dick 4nd get 4ttenti+n.

[08:47] TS: Aw, he's lonely.

[08:47] TS: But here you are

[08:47] TS: also lonely

[08:47] TS: harassing losers on the internet

[08:48] TS: instead of hangin out with bird dad

[08:48] TS: Was he doing it to be a dick?

[08:48] AV: I think he gets je4l+us. He w4nts 4ll +f the 4ttenti+n.

[08:48] TS: Oh-ho, a Fussy Boi

[08:49] TS: You should post a pic of him sometime.

[08:49] AV: His fe4thers 4re 4ll ruffled.

[08:49] TS: Does he make a mess?

[08:50] AV: N+t re4lly. Whene<er he thr+ws 4 fit, he d+es s+ by pecking my d4mn br4ins +ut. +ne d4y I w+n't e<en h4<e 4ny.

[08:50] TS: Hm. One day, huh.

[08:51] TS: Let him send me a message

[08:51] TS: It's funny

[08:51] AV: Fine. I'm h4nding the huskt+p t+ him.

[08:51] TS: Holy shit

[08:51] TS: I'm ready

[08:51] AV: d/kjg4X C<

[08:51] AV: UZZHG+L=-P05

[08:51] AV: qwtijm,,mp+k+i+ipuigf

[08:52] AV: hytht<<fkyhuibgyf7uut<hty<yukilgtftyg

[08:52] AV: +h shh+it5hrtgn dw

[08:52] AV: shity

[08:52] TS: I <3 u bird dad

[08:52] TS: lol "shity"

[08:52] AV: I think he 4te 4 key

[08:52] AV: fucj

[08:52] AV: fucj

[08:52] AV: kk

[08:52] TS: I am laughing SO HARD right now

[08:52] TS: asdfg

[08:52] AV: Wh4t 4n 4ssh+le

[08:53] TS: You can get a new key

[08:53] TS: Besides

[08:53] TS: I told you too give him the husktop

[08:53] AV: I h4d t+ y4nk it b4ck fr+m him. He w4s re4lly g+ing 4t it.

[08:53] TS: You got the key back?? Impressive!

[08:54] AV: N+, the huskt+p. I'm missing my G key.

[08:55] TS: Guess you'll just have to sing a different note from now on

[08:55] TS: Try A flat

[08:55] AV: It's g+ne f+r g++d

[08:55] AV: It's s+ h4rd t+ type gs n+w

[08:55] TS: He swallowed it?

[08:55] AV: He r4n +ff.

[08:56] AV: I think he's t4kin it t+ his nest +r s+me shit.

[08:56] TS: Is he gonna hide it or eat it? I'm confused.

[08:56] AV: Pr+b4bly just hide it.

[08:56] TS: And you'll never find it

[08:56] TS: never

[08:57] AV: N+pe. I 4in't re4chin int+ th4t d4mn nest.

[08:57] AV: He'd kill me.

[08:57] TS: Reeeeeally?

[08:57] TS: You've tried before then

[08:57] AV: My p++r he4d c4n't t4ke 4nym+re peckin.

[08:58] TS: Going bald, huh

[08:58] AV: I miht h4<e 4 c+ncusi+n.

[08:58] TS: This is you

[08:58] TS: https://akibento-leadnationmedia.netdna-ssl.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/iIpmndr.jpg

[08:59] AV: Fuck +ff.

[08:59] AV: My h4ir is f4b.

[09:00] TS: Fuck off? It IS fab. It IS you tho, right? Bald, vacant stare... What'd I get wrong?

[09:01] AV: Wh4t 4n 4ssh+le.

[09:01] TS: Wait, I know

[09:01] TS: You like bananas, right?

[09:01] TS: here

[09:01] AV: N+.

[09:01] TS: fixed it

[09:01] AV: D+n't.

[09:01] TS: http://s1.narvii.com/image/mzhqe6ncv7hmtvxmqcxutwrbnnwywqrx_hq.jpg

[09:02] AV: I h+pe y+u fuckin die.

[09:02] TS: Someday, my friend

[09:02] TS: someday

[09:02] AV: F+r 4ll +f +ur s4kes, I h+pe it's s+med4y s++n.

[09:03] TS: If I take up Teivel's offer to come over, it'll probably be soon

[09:04] AV: Gr+ss.

[09:04] TS: He's aslked you over too, right?

[09:04] AV: I d+n't need t+ he4r 4b+ut th4t shit.

[09:04] TS: Dude

[09:04] TS: no

[09:04] TS: I meant he was gonna kill me on some shitty traps or something

[09:05] AV: He s4id he h4s s+me kind +f fuckin sex dune+n/res+rt

[09:05] TS: WTF

[09:05] TS: No

[09:05] TS: His hive is just a shitscape of ghey boobytraps and corpses

[09:05] TS: Unless he's into THAT

[09:05] AV: 4nd his shit lusus

[09:06] TS: Oh yeh

[09:06] TS: double ew

[09:06] AV: Th4t he s4id he's suck the bulge +f

[09:06] TS: A chameleon's bulge?

[09:06] AV: He's fuckin r+ss

[09:06] AV: Ye4h

[09:06] AV: My p++r key

[09:07] TS: That will not ever be not funny

[09:07] AV: I w+uld if I 4sk nicely en+uh he'll i<e it b4ck

[09:08] TS: Really? Huh.

[09:08] TS: Well, for now

[09:08] TS: http://s.twistynoodle.com/img/r/fill-in-the-missing-letter-g/fill-in-the-missing-letter-g-2/fill-in-the-missing-letter-g-2_coloring_page.png?ctok=20151006065412

[09:08] TS: No.3 is funny

[09:08] TS: Teivel would like it

[09:09] AV: http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/angry-peacock-royalty-free-image/94194414?esource=SEO_GIS_CDN_Redirect

[09:09] AV: This is wh4t this 4ssh+le l++ks like.

[09:09] TS: Your lusus is funny

[09:09] TS: "AAAAAAAAAAAA"

[09:09] TS: hehheh

[09:10] AV: http://images.china.cn/attachement/jpg/site1007/20110505/000cf1a48b7f0f2c57691e.jpg

[09:10] AV: This is wh4t he sh+uld l++k like.

[09:10] TS: Brutal

[09:11] TS: you want some freaky corpse party like Teivel

[09:11] AV: Hell n+.

[09:12] AV: http://hronika.info/uploads/posts/2016-07/1467640837_devochka.jpg

[09:12] AV: Me runnin fr+m my lusus

[09:12] TS: That's some quality garbage, my dude. ;)

[09:13] TS: How big is your lusus tho?

[09:13] AV: Bigeer th4n me.

[09:13] AV: W+w.

[09:13] AV: My spellin

[09:13] TS: Pretty ghey

[09:14] TS: Are you super small or what

[09:14] AV: N+t 4s sm4ll 4s y+ur bule

[09:15] TS: Prol'ly

[09:15] TS: But seriously

[09:15] TS: are you a shota

[09:15] TS: loli boi

[09:15] AV: Wh4t the fuck?

[09:15] TS: Are you a tiny boi

[09:16] TS: how tall are you

[09:16] AV: N+ne +f y+u're buisness.

[09:17] TS: Fair

[09:17] TS: snooty

[09:17] TS: but fair

[09:18] TS: here.

[09:18] TS: for you

[09:18] TS: https://sanesspsuede.tumblr.com/image/165713367880

[09:18] TS: perhaps there is peace now

[09:18] AV: FUCKKKKK<4L.

[09:18] AV: 4ss

[09:18] TS: You don't like it? It even has your name on it!

[09:18] AV: +h shit

[09:19] TS: what

[09:19] AV: My lusus is c+min b4ck

[09:19] AV: I c4n't let him et 4n+ther key

[09:19] TS: he's gonna No.3 your husktop

[09:19] AV: jkmm ,mk.ledl.,edkl,

[09:20] AV: N++

[09:20] TS: which one

[09:20] AV: N+ne, yet. I just left.

[09:21] AV: C4n't e<en sit in my +wn respitebl+ck.

[09:21] TS: Where will you hide?

[09:21] AV: M4ybe the f++dbl+ck.

[09:21] TS: Your lusus won't follow you?

[09:21] AV: H+pefully n+t?

[09:22] TS: https://media1.giphy.com/media/l4FsL2O7y1xgYCHNC/200_s.gif

[09:22] AV: W+w, th4nks.

[09:22] TS: I hope it helped

[09:23] TS: a blessing to keep the lusus away

[09:23] TS: I'm good with vegetables because of my green thumb so

[09:23] AV: M4ybe. I think he w4nts his fe4thers brushed +r s+methin.

[09:23] TS: You can brush feathers?

[09:24] TS: BRB trouble

[09:24] AV: +k4y.

[09:26] AV: https://media.giphy.com/media/iblnwU5gqzM1W/giphy.gif

-- talentedSalad [TS] is now an idle chum! --

[09:34] TS: I',m back

[09:34] AV: Hey.

[09:34] TS: nice gif

[09:35] AV: S+, I s4y brushin, but I just me4n gr++min. He's re4l big +n it.

[09:35] TS: What does grooming entail?

[09:37] AV: S+rt +f like nicer pecking.

[09:37] TS: Wait

[09:37] TS: He wants to groom YOU?

[09:37] AV: I n+rm4lly just w4sh him up with 4 wipin cl+th.

[09:37] AV: He's weird.

[09:38] TS: And the pecking... GROOMING... Does that DO anything?

[09:39] TS: Besides annoy you

[09:39] AV: N+t re4lly. He kind +f just pecks my h4ir while I w4sh him.

[09:40] TS: That's actually kind of cute

[09:40] AV: I uess. But he's re4l pushy +f it.

[09:42] TS: You need to replace that g

[09:42] AV: Wish he w+uld 4sk nicer.

[09:42] AV: 4nd ye4h.

[09:43] TS: I mean yeah, but it's not the worst right? Imagine if your lusus was a chameleon that wanted you to suck its genitals

[09:43] TS: bit of perspective

[09:45] AV: Ye4h, I kn+w. I 4ctu4lly like my lusus. It's just th4t he c4n be rude 4t times.

[09:45] AV: He's pretty gre4t.

[09:45] TS: ^_^

[09:45] TS: Cute

[09:45] TS: Tell him you love him

[09:46] AV: But I d+n't w4nn4 tell him bec4use he 4lre4dy h4s 4 bi eg+.

[09:46] TS: Will it really make things worse?

[09:47] TS: It might make him back off

[09:47] AV: He's 4lredy re4lly fl4shy

[09:47] TS: what if you embarrass him

[09:47] TS: that would be funny

[09:47] AV: I d+n't think he'd let me li<e it d+wn.

[09:47] TS: No?

[09:47] AV: I'm n+t sure.

[09:48] TS: How would he hold it over you?

[09:48] AV: He w+uldn't le4<e me 4l+ne. e<er.

[09:48] TS: Ohhhh

[09:48] TS: Yeah, I could see that

[09:48] AV: He'd be e<en m+re clingy.

[09:48] TS: Bummer

[09:49] TS: Have you EVER told him that you love him?

[09:49] AV: Ye4h, 4 few times. He w+uld 4lw4ys 4lm+st suff+c4te me in 4 fe4thery embr4ce.

[09:50] TS: Ohhhhh

[09:50] TS: <3

[09:50] TS: Cute bird dad is cute

[09:51] AV: He is, but g+ds.

[09:53] AV: Well, I d+n't think i c4n st4ll much l+ner. I +tt4 g+ r++m him.

[09:55] TS: Good luck, my dude

[09:55] TS: Does that mean you gotta go?

[09:55] AV: Ye4h, f+r n+w. I'll t4lk t+ y+u l4ter, br+.

[09:55] TS: Okay. Later

[09:56] AV: Bye.

-- aestheticVirtuoso [AV] gave up trolling talentedSalad [TS] at 21:56 --

-- aestheticVirtuoso [AV] changed their mood to OFFLINE --

@aesthetic-virtuoso

[taeguboi]

Mtl to date someone's 10 years older/younger

BTS MTL to date someone 10 years older

Hey there, thanks for requesting! In [square brackets] is age as I’d work it out, and (round brackets) are the Korean age they (their partner) would roughly be. Full notes at the bottom of the MTL. All of this is just in my opinion!

Suga [33-34] (35) -- Likely

Suga would like to come home after a long day to someone more emotionally mature, (which arguably comes with age,) someone who would understand if he’s had a hard day and doesn’t want to talk but someone is also a good listener when he’s in the mood to rant and vent about his day. I feel like ‘wise’ is a key word/trait that he would seek in a partner.

I guess also sexually, Suga could potentially have a better chemistry with someone older, more experienced, I get the feeling that although he might not have time to fuck often, when he does, he’s in extra demand for his needs to be met and I guess an older person would know how to fulfill them.

Arguments could potentially be much more heated than an older person with the other members and their respective older partners, possibly about his insecurities, not always feeling man enough for her/him maybe because of the age difference, but this would be the main thing (or one of the main things,) that make that relationship bond solid once there has been some resolve.

He would always want to treat him/her like a prince/ss, always going that extra mile to make sure the relationship with him is just as, if not more, fulfilling than a relationship with someone nearer their age.

Jungkook [29-30] (31) -- Quite Likely

I’m pretty sure Jungkook likes noonas, and although this might change over time, I think at present, Jungkook would love an older partner. Similarly to what I’m going to explain with Rap Monster below, Jungkook, as someone who is essentially still a teenager [at least, he is in English age, so he’s still 19 to me,] I find that younger boys generally like to chase after more sophisticated girls that have more experienced in life... Though in Jungkook’s case, he would like a love interest can make the first move because I believe he is still quite shy in that sense.

I really cannot even begin to figure out the type of person Jungkook is likely to be under the sheets [like he seriously confuses me because one minute he’s this cute lil bun that gives of a vibe which says he needs to be looked after, but the next he’s ROOD af and looks like he wants to devour you and bang you over the kitchen counter lol help]... Maybe bedroom roles would be quite neutral, not one dominating the other, but he would definitely love to watch his older partner ride him on top of him and he’d feel turned on by how grown up it feels, I reckon.

Arguments? Probably not that many, actually. But he could possibly feel a bit insecure about touring away, just that small voice wondering if his partner would get fed up of not having him around and go for someone nearer their age instead.

As long as Jungkook’s older partner allows him to act as the man of the relationship when he needs to, and understands that he’s still learning and has much to do, then this would be a good pairing.

Rap Monster [32-33] (34) -- Quite Likely

The two sides of Rap Monster would both come out very strong in a relationship with someone older; there’s cute, squishy, baby Joonie who just wants to cuddle and appreciates his partner looking after him, but then there’s JOONTM who wants to look after his partner if they’ve had a long day at work. In comparison to other members, Rap Mon would be more comfortable being able to talk to older people, in my opinion because he’s probably more likely transcend any societal expectations.

With someone older, somehow Rap Monster would feel more open about trying out new things in the bedroom and being honest about what he likes. He would love the experience their partner has behind them and it’s a turn on in itself that they are older than him yes that’s a thing I’ve dated younger people who have said this to me lmao... anyway - Sometimes, he’d like him/her to show him what they’re made of and take complete control and he’d lay underneath them in such awe and admiration, but other days, the age gap is forgotten and he wants to pound them in the bed, making them unable to walk afterwards so he can serve of them hand and foot afterwards.

Disagreement and arguments would be quite easily solved because he knows when to take a step back and let you have space and what to say when he comes back. He’d definitely swallow his pride when necessary, like “this is stupid babe... I don’t wanna lose you over something as petty as this”.

Rap Monster would be so proud with his older partner. Their opinion would matter on everything but he would try to act like that’s not the case in fear that he would come on too dependent or something similar. He’d love to be a complete dork for him/her to cheer them up, maybe even making them cringe as they laugh because whatever he has just done is purposely immature, even for someone his age. He would embrace the age gap, not allowing other people’s opinions affect the nature of the relationship.

V [31-32] (33) - Neither Likely or Unlikely

I think V would prefer someone nearer to his age, but having said this, it could definitely work out well because if V falls for someone, that age gap wouldn’t matter because love is love. However, although I list him above Jin, I do think V might also be quite a traditional person too and would ideally like for the girl/guy to be similar to his own age. [So I place them equally in this aspect, rather than one after the other].

In this bedroom, he would be his/her lil baby, bringing out the submissive side in him. The chemistry in bed may not be as strong at first, but it would develop over time after discovering each others likes and dislikes

In arguments though, his personality would take a turn because of the emotion that comes out if he has to raise his voice. So whilst his older partner would usually have the control, he would make them weak with just the look in his eyes when he’s upset with him/her.

He’d be so precious though, like a lil cuddly koala when he needs comfort, feeling safer with an older person to look after him and they might act as a calming presence over him whether he’s a little too hyper or if there’s a not so good day around. As long as the guy/girl can still manage to ‘become more charming by the day’ and has a lot of aegyo, and is very patient, then it could work out well.

Jin [34-35] (36) -- Neither Likely or Unlikely

Whilst I think Jin would go more for someone a few years younger or his age, I can also see him falling for someone older, but I think the person in question would definitely need to have developed certain skills with ages such as being a good cook, being able to look after him. He would be very confident about getting the guy/girl not only because of his outstanding looks, but also because he has quite a mature state of mind from all these years of looking after his band members.

In the bedroom, Jin would be such a switch with an older partner, letting himself be looked after at the end of those extra shattering days, but being allowed to completely take over if he’s upset or mad about something [probably the best post-argument sex ever tbh, maybe even during a lighter argument / disagreement]

Arguments would be possibly quite immature, “Fine! Run along to someone older, but I bet they won’t be anywhere near as handsome as me!” like, I think at times he would get a bit cocky because he’s got someone older, but he’d be brought right back down to earth if there’s ever a chance of him/her walking away. And also maybe sometimes he would consider acting a little destructive concerning the relationship if a disagreement arises, the idea in the back of his head being ‘I knew this wasn’t a good idea; that age difference was never going to work... maybe there’s a reason for tradition and stereotypes,’ but again, I don’t think he’d really want to let go if angst does come up.

No matter what Jin is doing, he would not forget about him/her. If he’s on tour, he’d find the best gift he could possibly give them, deep down wondering whether he’s actually good enough for him/her and if they’ve ever considered going with someone older. Possibly buys gifts to try and compensate for this worry, but also tries to put aside that state of mind about age affecting bond, roles, maturity, etc, and would look after him/her equally to his partner looking after him.

J-Hope [32-33] (34) -- Less Likely

I don’t think I can ever stop using this gif I’m so lame for Hobi’s smile

I think J-Hope would like a younger partner who he can look after and I guess typically, this means he would have his eye on someone younger by up to a few years. But again, I don’t think this means he’d reject the idea, it’d just be maybe out of his comfort zone. 

With someone 10 years older, I don’t think there would be much bedroom chemistry, the refined and specific needs and likes of someone older not exactly quite matching his need to explore new ideas, because I do think he would be quite an experimental person. He’d want to put in a lot of effort to make sure every bit of ground has been covered and also because he seems to be the type that is all about new experiences that he can look back upon and talk about / reminisce upon in the future.

The angst in a relationship like this would be that it just feels off, and cannot really be explained, resulting in a mutual decision to break it off.

He’d rather be the older boyfriend that his partner’s friends get jealous about because he’s seen as suave and mature and sophisticated, etc, rather than be the younger boyfriend that gets asked all the questions about being in a relationship with someone older. 

Jimin [31-32] (33) -- Unlikely

It’s not that I think Jimin would completely reject the idea of dating someone older, but I don’t think it’s something he could do, really. Like, he might give it a go if he thinks they’re really something special, but my perspective says he’s rather insecure and needs to be the older one in the relationship.

I think Jimin needs to be the man of the relationship and that age would be a dependent factor as to whether he can be that, or not. Therefore, the idea of dating someone older is something he would be somewhat skeptical about.

Quite angsty time, sorry not sorry - Being with an older person would probably cause many arguments concerning his insecurities, both in and out of the bedroom. I don’t think he wants to be called ‘cute’ just because he’s looking after his older partner and I would say he’d be sensitive to even playful teasing. For example, I sometimes get the feeling that some of his members’ teasing comments get to him more than he might admit or show on camera? Anyway, I just don’t see it lasting because I know that if I were older than Jimin, I would want to call him my baby all the time, and squish his little cheeks together and I know that could feel quite emasculating.

Like J-Hope, Jimin would want a younger person to look after and use that age as an excuse to watch over her, keep her safe, act manly, etc. Whereas, say Suga, would like a wise, more experienced partner, I think Jimin would like to be that wise and more experienced partner instead.

I’ve gone for older because at most, we’d be talking Korean age 16 [14-15 yrs over here in England] and that’d mean Jungkook with an 11 year old [9-10]... so I guess I finally found a boundary haha. But if it gets requested to do one also for MTL to date someone younger, then I’ll probably do it. Doing both in the same post would have taken up WAY too much space anyway!

I’ve done the MTL with explanation as to why I think this is the case and included different aspects, a little mention of nsfw topics, I hope that’s alright, and thank you for requesting! This came out MUCH longer than I expected hahahaha because for those in the upper half of the list, I’ve done like 4 sections each: general, smut/nsfw mentions, angst, fluff.

[reactingtosomething]

Kris Reacts to Game of Thrones: 703, “The Queen’s Justice”

“A Failure of Imagination”

The Setup: I (Kris, aka @omeletsforpepper​) am not the only one of us who keeps up with Game of Thrones, but I am going solo for reactions to it this season (until maybe the finale). This could change, but my plan is to pick out a theme (not necessarily “the” theme) of the week’s episode, and discuss in depth just one or two scenes/sequences that involve it.

SPOILERS for and through season 7, episode 3 of Game of Thrones below.

Though the title of this post is spoken by Olenna Tyrell, it also applies to the problem faced by Jon Snow (“…He’s King in the North”) in his first encounter with Daenerys Stormborn, of House Targaryen, rightful heir to the Iron Throne, rightful Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains. On what turns out to have remained the strangely minimalist advice of Melisandre (couldn’t she have done Thoros’s whole “look into the flames and tell me what you see” thing?), Daenerys has summoned Jon to bend the knee. But of course, he’s come to ask for help fighting an army of ice zombies. Oh, and right, her father killed his grandfather and uncle, whereas his ancestor swore fealty “in perpetuity” to hers.

As in Jon’s arguments with Sansa earlier in the season, the Dragonstone story in this episode benefits hugely from bringing together characters we’ve rooted for in their own “home” contexts — what’s more, largely unambiguous heroes who’ve overcome or at least survived villains we were happy to see topple and burn (often literally) — and pitting their agendas against each other. Though they absolutely SHOULD NOT BANG (see new section Further Reading below), given the difficulty of wartime resource allocation there’s a productive storytelling tension between their equally legitimate, if maybe not equally time-sensitive, concerns.

Or, well, maybe “productive” is a little generous. 

Jon’s struggle — getting Dany and company to believe him about the encroaching threat of the Night King — is a struggle of a different kind for the audience to accept. Here’s a woman who’s seen and done things that were supposed to be impossible, or at least of a bygone era. Again and again she’s come up against people who underestimated her because they refused to believe she was everything she claimed. And we’re supposed to accept that she doesn’t consider for a second that Jon might be telling the truth? Especially in a scene that goes out of its way to remind us that Daenerys is a voracious reader well-versed in Westerosi history? Even if she wasn’t more than smart enough to make the connection between a supernatural threat embodying winter and her own literal firepower, she should know first-hand the perils of dismissing such a story as mere myth.

Yes, the show gets her there, eventually (in a sequence that if nothing else is gorgeous shot after gorgeous shot on the coast of Spain, probably with a little CG enhancement), but it doesn’t feel like an earned arc. She shouldn’t have needed that much convincing. Would there have then been an absence of conflict that’s problematic in screenwriting? Sure. But an artificially generated conflict that’s in tension with previously established characterization is just as big a problem.

The throne room scene is also hurt by the fact that Dany’s argumentation is shockingly bad, and it’s unclear that the show fully realizes this. Again, yes, it says the right words, when Jon rightly suggests that if Daenerys can’t be held accountable for the sins of her father, neither can he be held to the oath of his ancestor. But by having Designated Reasonable Man Tyrion push Daenerys’s agenda even when she’s not around, the show makes the impasse feel a little more “Gotta Hear Both Sides” than “hey Dany here’s a reality check.”

https://twitter.com/saladinahmed/status/891859659514105856

Here is a conflict that, if better handled, might have been a strong enough engine to substitute for Dany’s implausible skepticism regarding the White Walkers. Daenerys planned her journey to Westeros saying she aimed to “break the wheel,” but that revolutionary ambition is nowhere to be seen (Cersei’s characterization of her notwithstanding) as she argues for reasserting an ancient status quo. I’d have liked someone to point this out.

Jon, despite his own romanticization of old things and old ways, has recently shown greater moral and political imagination by gender-integrating the army of the North, making true allies (not mere subjects) out of the wildlings, and (gladly) handing the oversight of Winterfell to Sansa. Though his enemies in politics and espionage have been superficially less impressive than Dany’s, they took him much more seriously as a threat and arguably required greater creativity and conviction to thwart. In the process he has lost any sentimentality for the sacredness of any particular power structure.

https://twitter.com/eveewing/status/891852536126349313

So with pragmatic advisors like Tyrion and especially Varys at Dany’s side, why hasn’t it occurred to anyone that totalitarian rule might not be necessary and inevitable? I half-jokingly mentioned this after the premiere, contrasting GoT’s ostensible endgame with the resolution of Ta-Nehisi Coates’s first year writing Marvel’s Black Panther: T’Challa and his mother and sister convene a council to write a constitution and transition Wakanda to an at least partially democratic government. 

The more I think about it, the less I think such a conclusion should be written off as silly for Game of Thrones. I’m not saying that I think it’s headed there — if it were, I suspect the seeds would have been planted by now, as they were no later than the second issue of Coates’s BP — but I do think it would have been a workable one, and specifically a worthy character challenge for Daenerys, the Prince(ss) Who (Maybe) Was Promised.

ALL THAT SAID, I really enjoyed the middle sequence of Dragonstone scenes. Partly this was because of how amazing they looked, but we also got some nice reminders that Thrones has a cast as good on paper as any on TV, most of them a comfortable seven years into their performances. In practice, only a few of them have consistently gotten material as strong as they deserve, Peter Dinklage being one of those few (and even for him, not a lot last year). So it was inevitably satisfying that even where the dialogue sometimes fell short, “The Queen’s Justice” provided the circumstances for great character moments.

Kit Harington has often had too little to work with besides noble frustration, but he’s found an interesting unity in Jon’s dueling martyr and imposter complexes, and his scene with Tyrion was one of my favorites he’s ever done. Especially that little speech about how Jon has proven right everyone who told him not to meet with Dany. Maybe just because I know a little something about kicking myself while I’m down, or maybe because truly self-critical introspection (as opposed to some variation on “what if I’m just not strong enough”) still feels rare among heroes of Jon’s traditional heroic mold.

For her part, Emilia Clarke has often had too little to work with besides dramatic speeches, but she’s reliably great at them, and when she does get quieter moments she usually carries them off with a well-modulated haughtiness. Dany’s pouting about Jon’s refusal to bend the knee belatedly gains an interesting shade in their second scene together, coming as it does while both of them are trying to extend olive branches. The show also demonstrates some increasingly rare restraint in its dialogue, by not taking Dany’s recollection that like her Jon has lost two brothers to a point where she has to explicitly express her condolences. She’s a little too proud for that, especially right now, but they can both file it away in their heads as something they have in common.

Given the relative flatness of their arcs over the years (even Jon’ s temporary death couldn’t slow his Inevitable Rise to Power, and few believed it would stick), Daenerys and Jon are the characters in whom Thrones most threatens to succumb to embracing the genre cliches it’s built its reputation on subverting. Their stories have thus required every ounce of actor-delivered nuance they could get. Despite my problems with how Dany is written here, “The Queen’s Justice” nevertheless manages to be a series highlight in part because it finally presents both Dany and Jon with challenges to their respective Destinies that we can’t assume will be inevitably vanquished: each other. “The Queen’s Justice” doesn’t stick the landing of this conflict between protagonists quite as well as it did with Jon and Sansa’s argument in the season premiere, but at least the show knows how valuable this raw material is.

And again, this location is just an incredible gift to Mark Mylod’s direction and to the show’s cinematography:

As for my very favorite beats of the episode:

TYRION: I’d very much like to believe that Jon Snow is wrong. But a wise man once said that you should never believe a thing simply because you want to believe it. DAENERYS: Which wise man said this?

T: I don’t remember. D: Are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom? T: I’d never do that. To you.

That one was too easy for the writers, but the line readings saved it.

A better moment even on the page:

JON: You’ve been talking to Tyrion. DAENERYS: He is my Hand. J: He enjoys talking. D: We all enjoy what we’re good at. J: I don’t.

Oof.

Further Reading

Now that Game of Thrones is off-book, creators David Benioff and D.B. Weiss have shown a deeper inclination towards embracing these tropes than George R.R. Martin has. […] If Jon and Daenerys bang, it will further indicate that post-Season 6, Game of Thrones is seeking to simply be traditional epic fantasy rather than seeking to have a dialogue with it. - Lauren Sarner for Inverse

But “Game of Thrones” has always encouraged us to look past the things that are easy and make us feel good. And if any show has been a cautionary tale about the difference between female empowerment and true social change, “Game of Thrones” has been it. - Alyssa Rosenberg for The Washington Post

While there have been moments in the past where Game Of Thrones has moved swiftly, this type of breathless pacing is new, and I frankly find it equal parts alarming and refreshing. - Myles McNutt for The AV Club

Talking to men: a play in four acts - Keely Flaherty on Twitter

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[anti-savebendy-blog]

Thoughts on Solar Sand's "Cringe of the World - Bendy and the Ink Machine" Video.

Why, hello there! I should have expect to receive this ask as well :)I follow @sometimesdiscourseisunbearble, so my thoughts on it probably aren’tmuch different than theirs, and they are much better with words than I am!But I’ll still try and tell you some of my own thoughts as good as I can:

The game itself!Not far into the video he says “if a bunch of people think your characterin a horror game is cute, don’t you think you’ve failed?”And again, @sometimesdiscourseisunbearble explains why this is wrong in an answer to an ask. And I have tocompletely agree to that.I’m not a big fan of FNAF, but those characters are cute too. And their cutenessdoesn’t make it less scary when they jump out at you, or stare at you throughone of the cameras. FNAF 2 is a good example because there they are EVENFUCKING CUTER. What scares me in a horror game aren’t spooky looking monsters…I can get used to their appearance at one point and don’t care a bit abouttheir “oohhh so scary”-look.I think its atmosphere. And atmosphere is what we have in BATIM.SS also says that the game is bland and that in the first chapter almostnothing happens.And yes, almost nothing happens.And you know what? I’ve watched Jacksepticeye play it BEFORE I decided to getthe game myself.And I still shit my pants, even though I knew what was going to happen! Nothingbut a few little jump scares here and there… or sometimes I just jumped when Henrystarted speaking. God damnit, Henry!But that’s exactly what it is, it’s atmosphere! The feeling of “something mighthappen”. And yeah, I know very well that I’m a pussy. I never really played anyhorror games in my life so far, so I probably get a lot more scared in BATIMthan someone who is more experienced with the genre.And “basing your opinion on an art style” is apparently not a good reason tolike something. I like the art style and the characters and I want to know moreabout it all. He just really doesn’t seem to like the game overall…“You have to complete a very simple puzzle”, well yes. It’s just the firstlevel of the game; it has to warm you up. You can’t put people into a gamewhere you’re stuck at the very first level and get people frustrated as hell.It just sets you up for the rest of the game. In chapter 2 the puzzle (with the instruments) got quitea bit harder in my opinion. But I’m also not the brightest, so that might alsobe why it took me a bit longer so understand that I had to turn on the projector.He then goes on complimenting the game, saying it does have somewhat of anatmosphere and is visually interesting. Saying he might change his view of itin the future, when more chapters are released, but that the game so far isaverage.And that’s absolutely fine.BATIM is of course not the best game of all time, but also not the worst.And maybe it’s just this famous now because Mark and Sean played it. What’s wrong with that? If the game wasn’t appealing to some then it wouldn’tmatter who played it. If people didn’t like some aspects of the game itwouldn’t be this big.It’s fine that SS doesn’t like it that much. Some of his critique wasn’t reallynecessary imo, but whatever.

Art!So, first off, I know that SS hates fetish art and somehow manages to dig outthe worst parts of it in any fandom. Things I too wouldn’t want to see, or arereally just bad. But there is often no need for him to call them out on that,other than “Wow, look what I found. Look at this gross shit!”Unless the artist doesn’t even tag it as NSFW, or doesn’t put the mature filterover it. He even asked one artists why he doesn’t do that at one point (not inthis video, but a different one) and that escalated quite a bit, with theartist telling him that DA is a porn site… *facepalm*So SS isn’t always wrong. Heck, it’s his opinion and an opinion can’t be“wrong”. And telling someone to tag something as nsfw and checking the filterfor it sure is the right thing to do, and the artist disagreeing is plain dumb.But NSFW in general will exist in any fandom. And bad art too, there is nodenying that.He sometimes gives kind of good criticism. It sure could be better, I guess.I’m not the best critique either! But I can’t find ANY of that in this video. He simply complains about howboring and uncreative the game is, shows us some OC’s (some of which are drawVERY WELL might I add!) and complains about them as well… and of course aboutthe NSFW stuff, because that’s just what he seems to hate the most.I actually had to laugh a bit when he explained us the picture where Bendy seemsto cum out of his eyes??? Omg??? That sounds hilarious.And the Necrophilia… I don’t think I can or want to judge anyone on that,because I too shipped some things when I was still into Undertale that some ofyou will hate me for. (and no, no childporn stuff. That’s a no-no.)But hey, everyone their own, right? As long as no real people get hurt, whereis the problem?I’m not surprised that he hates on that stuff. Since I know very well that heisn’t into fetish or porn art at all anyway. Which, again, is fine. But criticizingits existence is just unnecessary.The OC’s…Like I said, from the examples he showed in the video, some aren’t drawn bad atall.Some other BATIM OC’s don’t even have Pac-Man eyes, though. Because people“modernize” them and give them normal white eyes with a black pupil. (I know this has a name, but I forgot)And one of them is obviously a younger person new to art.Instead of giving feedback on what to do better, he just complains about them,also saying pretty stupid stuff like “All of them look like Bendy withdifferent head shapes”.Solar Sands, do you need some glasses, maybe?And the “weird piece of art” most likely was a re-drawing of some meme withBendy and I’m-not-sure-who in it.

He shows us some fan video made with Lego, which seems really cute.Looks like something I would have done when I was a kid! For a while I used tomake short stop motion videos with my toys…I should actually go and find the video and watch it myself.What he says about the Source Filmmaker videos isn’t actually that bad either?I don’t watch many of them myself, so I can’t tell if all of them are like thator if he just searched for the “worst ones”.(I want to add that I don’t actually think of them as bad. )The animation for Bendy’s mouth bugs me in these almost as much as it bugs SS,so the critique there isn’t that bad. Pointing out when something looks weirdis fine. He could have said how to make it better, but he probably knows asmuch about Source Filmmaker as I do.I’m not a big fan of rap battles or any of those VS videos. I don’t watch them,so I don’t have much to say to that.WHAT I’M ACTUALLY VERY HAPPY ABOUT THOUGHis after all that when he makes fun of that stupid repost-or-ignore-picture.“If ignoring this post means Bendy’s death… and I hated this post in the firstplace, then that’s a win-win situation!”A true “win-win situation” is something where both sides of a party winsomething. So Solar Sands is wrong about that… but whatever, he made fun ofthose #save//bendy assholes, so that’s cool, right?(Although I don’t want Bendy to die, but you get what I mean)In the end he shows us some creations he liked:DAGames’s song “Build our machine”, calling it catchy “but it can getannoying”.Alright…?I’m actually interested to know what he thinks is annoying. I don’t mean thisin a “this song isn’t annoying!”-way, but I genuinely would like to know what hemeans.I’m a big fan of the song and I really like Caleb Hyles’ cover for it! Morethan DAGames actually, but it’s still very good.He then compliments some of the animations and leaves us with something thatlooks like some badly drawn meme. And whether or not it’s supposed to look thatbad, it just adds to it, making it pretty funny. Boi.

TL;DROverall his video was fine.He shared his opinion with people… although I think he was a bit too harsh atsome points and I was missing actual feedback. Like many other videos of himit’s mostly just complaining with some nice words here and there.In some videos before this he gave actual feedback to people. Again, maybe notthe best, but he tried. But here…I disagree with things he said, but I’m not mad that he doesn’t like it.Although, I’m not sure if this really comes across like that, looking at thiswall of text;;;;What I fear is, that his video might give more fuel to anyone who supports#save//bendy. Even if he made fun of the repost-post, I’ve already seen peoplein the comments saying how they want to save the fandom or that it is too lateetc…

[mygangtome]

Where They've Been, Where They Are Now - Jonas Armstrong

He was the man in the hood with the bow, with a cheeky grin and stirring speeches.  Now it’s time to find out what Jonas Armstrong has been doing since Robin Hood ended. 

This is a long post! 

Book of Blood (2009) – Simon McNeal

Summary: A paranormal expert discovers a house that is at the intersection of so-called “highways” transporting souls in the afterlife.

Character Bio: Simon declares he is a clairvoyant, though the reluctantly agrees to work with Mary and her partner Reg to investigate the paranormal events leading to the violent death of teen girl.  He winds up further tangled in the events and the supernatural powers at work than he could have ever thought.

Fan comments: This was one of the first projects that came out after RHBBC ended, and I had been really eager to see it. However, despite being touted as a physiological thriller, it was a more violent, bloody and intense than I expected.  I haven’t rewatched it since, but it was certainly a change of pace to seen Jonas in this role after Robin Hood.  

The Street (2009) – Nick Calshaw

Nick Calshaw returns from fighting in Afghanistan, wounded and disfigured due to the blast of a suicide bomb.  He struggled to adjust to normal life again, as his family and girlfriend try to help and balance their own horror at what happened.

Character Bio: Nick is an ordinary guy who has to deal with the stress and trauma of coming back to war, with the added pain of having been wounded and disfigured.  He lashes out, is depressed, and tries and fails to be ordinary but can’t figure out how to get past his disfigurement and reactions of those around him.  

Fan comments: This was difficult watch, as it is obviously a very loaded and emotional topic. Jonas does an extraordinary job handling the roller coaster of emotions that Nick struggles with.  The script is sometimes a bit obvious and a little on the nose, but the characters hold it together.  And this is the second time post RH that he had to deal with and act with some intense prosthetics and make up, and he does it well.  

Agatha Christie’s Marple: The Secret of Chimneys (2010) – Cade

A lavish weekend party sees Miss Marple accompany Lady Virginia Revel to her family home of Chimneys - a house which was once prized for its diplomatic gatherings until a rare diamond was stolen from the premises over twenty years ago. The tenacious career politician, George Lomax, has persuaded Virginia’s father, Lord Caterham, to host an evening for an important Austrian Count, Ludwig Von Stainach. Virginia, the daughter of Miss Marple’s late cousin, must decide by the end of the weekend whether to accept a marriage proposal from George Lomax or to follow her heart and the courtship of another more adventurous suitor, Anthony Cade. Dismayed by the odd array of guests, including socialist spinster Miss Blenkinsopp, Caterham’s formidable eldest daughter Bundle and the quietly inscrutable maidservant Treadwell, Lomax castigates his affable assistant Bill Eversleigh, who also has a soft spot for Virginia. It becomes apparent that Count Ludwig has taken a personal interest in Chimneys …

Character Bio: Suitor of Virginia. 

Fan comments: I have not seen this, and the information about it is rather sparse, hence the lack of character bio. The only information I could find was that Cade was the adventurous sort (and that his character was rather pared down compared to the character in the book.)

The Field of Blood (2011) – Terry Hewitt (2 episodes)  

Set in Glasgow in 1982, Paddy Meehan is a young girl in a world of men; a feisty copy boy in the sexist, hard-boozing, cutthroat world of journalism. Paddy dreams of being an investigative reporter, and she grabs the opportunity when a young boy, Brian Wilcox, is kidnapped and found murdered. Paddy sees connections to a year-old crime that nobody else sees and she is determined to make it her story. But when Paddy crosses the line, she becomes outcast from her devoutly Catholic family and puts the lives of her colleagues, as well as her own, at risk. The closer she gets to the murderer, the closer she gets to murder; and the price of achieving her dream will prove greater than she can ever imagine.

Character bio: Terry is bright, resourceful and together. What he needs is the story that will make his name. After an initial misstep he becomes one of the few people in the newsroom who believes in Paddy. Terry is prepared to back Paddy’s instincts as they break the rules to prove that the police are wrong about a recent child murder. (bio from BBC One).

Fan comments: This was one I started watching, but then lost the ability to do so, and never tracked it down again, so I cannot offer much insight.  

The Body Farm (2011) – Nick Warner (1 episode)

A British police procedural, which follows the team from a forensic pathology facility that conducts scientific research to help solve crimes.

Character Bio: Nick Warner is the son of the episode’s victim.

Fan comments: Again, another one that I never have seen, so no comments available.

Rage of the Yeti (2011) – Bill

A quest for riches becomes a fight for survival after treasure hunters find snow monsters on a mountain in the Arctic.

Character Bio: Bill is part of the rescue team that goes in to help the treasure hunters deal with the yeti, and he may also be a turn coat.

Fan comments: Also have not seen this one, but have heard it is basically a terrible B movie that is nearly unwatchable. Unless you want to make fun of bad movies, then apparently, it is good for that.

Prisoner’s Wives (2012) – Steve (6 episodes)

Gemma’s perfect life comes crashing down when her husband is arrested for murder. As Gemma learns to navigate the prison system, she starts to think the unthinkable of her husband.

Character bio: Steve is serving time after being arrested for murder. He declares his complete innocence to his wife, Gemma, but he is not being entirely truthful.

Fan comments: Another one that I started to watch but never finished, so I don’t have many impressions to pass along. (There is a distinct connection between my ability / time to find places to watch these BBC productions and my senior year in college and then graduation.)

Hit and Miss (2012) – Ben (6 episodes)

Follows the life of transgender contract killer Mia, who travels to West Yorkshire to seek out her ex girlfriend.

Character bio: Ben is a romantic interest of Mia, who struggles to figure out his feelings and their relationship when she comes out to him.

Fan comment: Have not seen this one, but the premise sounds very intriguing, but possibly too violent.  

Twenty8k – (2012) – Clint O’Connor

A teenage boy is gunned down outside a nightclub and a young girl dies in a hit and run in two seemingly unrelated deaths. Deeva Jani, returns home to clear her brother Vipon of the shooting and soon discovers a much deeper conspiracy.

Character bio: Clint is a former gangster who became a youth counselor, who helps Deeva work to prove her brother’s innocence.

Fan comments: I have not seen, but from reviews it says the cast is strong, but the writing is not, and is rather predictable.

Walking With The Enemy – (2013) – Elek Cohen

A young man, separated from his family in WWII, disguises himself as a Nazi SS Officer and uncovers more than just his family whereabouts.

Character bio: Elek starts out as a typical college guy, flirting with girls and getting into fights.  However, as Nazi occupation sweeps across Europe, he and his family and friends find that lives are forever changed along with the millions of other Jewish people who faced genocide.  In efforts to save his family and friends, he gets his hands on an SS uniform, and begins a crusade to help as much as he can, as the uniform and confidence does a lot to keep his identity hidden.

Fan comments: I saw this one!  I managed to catch it in theaters at the tail end of its run, and now cannot find it on DVD for love or money.  Which is a pity because I did enjoy it, though there are times you can tell that the production was a bit low.  There are a lot of moments that just made me think “Oh, this is a WWII RH AU!” - there is a connection between Robin Hood and Elek’s work to save people.  Not robbing the rich to feed the poor, but lying to Nazis to save people.  Also, there is a scene where he and some of the other men in his resistance circle were unloading sacks of flour, and his mannerisms and cadence just screamed Robin. If anyone has any info on finding this to stream or on DVD, let me know!

The Whale (2013) – Owen Chase

A whaling ship called called the Essex becomes shipwrecked and those on board struggle for survival.

Character Bio: First mate on the Essex.

Fan comments: Have not seen this one, either, but it has Jonas and John Boyega in it, so I might have to track it down.

Edge of Tomorrow (2014) – Skinner

A soldier fighting aliens gets to relive the same day over and over again, the day restarting every time he dies.

Character bio: Skinner is a member of J-Squad, and is confrontational with the main character Cage (played by Tom Cruise).  However, his fighting ability means he plays an integral part of the main battle in this action movie.

Fan comments: One that I missed again, partly due to the fact that I would have had to sit through a movie with Tom Cruise, and I am not the biggest fan.  By all accounts, the movie is a pretty standard summer type action film.

The Dove Keepers (2015) – Yoav

Based in Alice Hoffman’s historical novel about the Siege of Masada, the miniseries focuses on four extraordinary women whose lives intersect in a fight for survival at the siege of Masada.

Character Bio: Yoav is a scholarly young man who develops a romantic relationship with one of the female leads of the story.  He is also tasked with a grim duty at the end of the siege of Masada.

Fan comments: By all accounts, this adaptation of the book was terrible.  I never heard much about this and am reluctant to watch it, because of the terrible reviews and tragic story line.

Line of Duty (2016) – Joe Nash (3 episodes)

DS Steve Arnott is transferred to the police anti-corruption unit after the death of a man in a mistaken shooting during a counter-terrorist operation.

Character bio: Joe is a former resident of a boy’s home, where he suffered sexual abuse.  He works with the police force to bring the perpetrators to justice.

Fan comment: Jonas lands a spot in three episodes in this series, and it obviously sounds like an intense storyline.  Have not seen.

Dark Angel (2016) – Joe Nattrass

A two-part drama about the Victorian serial killer Mary Ann Cotton.

Character bio: Joe one of Mary Ann Cotton’s lovers, who had the misfortune of dating a serial killer.

Fan comments: Hey, Jonas and Joanne Froggatt meet again!  And by all accounts, it didn’t end much better than it did for Robin and Kate… I might track this one down, because of the two for one RH cast reunion, and because I’d never heard of Mary Ann Cotton, and would be intrigued to supplement my own research on her with this mini series.  

Ripper Street (2016) – Nathaniel (12 episodes)

The streets of Whitechapel are the haunt of Detective Inspector Edmund Reid and his team of officers, who aim to maintain law and order in a place once terrorized by Jack the Ripper.

Character bio: Assistant to Abel Croker, and Augustus Dove’s long-lost brother. Known as the ‘Whitechapel Golem’.

Fan comments: Jonas does not play a good guy, though it must be a slow reveal as he is credited in 12 episodes of seasons 4 and 5.

Now, I have a long list of shows and movies I should maybe catch up, and I can’t wait to see what else Jonas goes onto do with his career!