#also mentions of

[slimepuparibaba]

How Danstelle Happened (hint: it was a fucking disaster)

no so i need everyone to find out how twin stellaron au danstelle happens because istg its just the definition of comedy

March 7th: Soooo. Where ya goin' with Stelle? Hmm? Dan Heng: Nowhere. Caelus: Uh-huh. "Nowhere". Dan Heng: ... Dan Heng: (sighs) We're going star-gazing. March 7th: Awww! Dan Heng: Caelus, I know the situation with the Stellaron is dire and Welt enforced the 200 foot radius rule, but-- Caelus: Don't worry, I'll be just out of range so as to not interrupt your date. Dan Heng: Thank you. Dan Heng: Dan Heng: Wait, it's not a date. Caelus, deadpan: Could've fooled me. March 7th: (snickering)===== Stelle, stargazing with Dan Heng: Wow... the stars really are beautiful up here. Dan Heng: (...what was it that was a popular phrase to say in response to that?) Dan Heng: (Oh. Right.) Dan Heng: You know what else is beautiful? Stelle: Your boyfriend? Dan Heng: Y-- Dan Heng: Dan Heng, glaring: My what. Stelle: Your boyfriend. Dan Heng: Dan Heng, losing it: wh a t Stelle: Y'know, Blade? Dan Heng, eye twitching: Dan Heng: W h a t? ===== Dan Heng: ...and that's what happened. March 7th: (cackling) OH MY GOD, SHE THINKS YOU AND BLADE ARE... HAHAHAHAHA! Caelus: Nice going, buddy. She thinks you and Blade are together. Dan Heng: Can you please not rub salt into my wounds? Dan Heng: (groaning) Why am I pursuing such an idiot anyway...? Dan Heng: (has flashbacks to Stelle dumpster diving) Dan Heng, in realization: ...right, I'm pursuing her precisely BECAUSE she's an idiot. March 7th: Yeah, but a cute one though, right? Dan Heng: March. ===== Stelle: Heya Dan Heng, here to grab some stuff from the archives! Don't mind me! Dan Heng, reading a book, slightly miffed: Mn... Stelle: Oh, and thanks for the star-gazin' hang out! But you know, you should REALLY ask Blade to do that with you. Dan Heng, rubbing his temples: (grumbles) Stelle: Although, he seems more like the type of guy to prefer a nice sparring match so-- Dan Heng, shutting his book closed: Stelle. Stelle: Huh? Dan Heng: Can you please stop trying to make it so difficult to pursue you? Stelle: Stelle: Pffft... Stelle: HAHAHAHAHA! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU KNEW HOW TO JOKE LIKE THAT, DAN HENG! Dan Heng: Stelle. Stelle: Oh my god, you nearly gave me a heart attack! You? Trying to pursue ME?! PFFFFT-- Dan Heng, more stern: Stelle. Stelle: Like, come on. It's not like you ACTUALLY like me, right-- Dan Heng, losing his patience: Stelle! Stelle: ? Dan Heng: That wasn't a joke. I meant it. Stelle: . . . Stelle: wait so. so you're saying-- Dan Heng: Yes, I like you. Stelle: Stelle: f Stelle: for real? Dan Heng: Yes. Stelle: ..... Stelle: BE RIGHT BACK-- [Stelle runs out of the room, leaving Dan Heng severely confused] Dan Heng: ... Stelle, running back: BY THE WAY, THAT WASN'T A REJECTION. I JUST REALIZED I WAS BEING AN ABSOLUTE DUMBASS AND NEED THE EARTH TO SWALLOW ME WHOLE. I LIKE YOU TOO. [Stelle runs back out, Dan Heng's face completely red] Stelle, once more running back in: ALSO WE'RE NOT DOING IT IN YOUR ROOM FIRST NIGHT I WANNA AT LEAST HAVE MY FIRST TIME ON A BED K THX BYE [Stelle running back out for the FINAL time, leaving Dan Heng EVEN MORE CONFUSED while Caelus and March 7th are standing there, witnessing the whole thing] Dan Heng: ...wh... what did that-- March 7th: HAHAHAHAHA! DAN HENG, OH MY GOD-- Dan Heng: Huh? March 7th: I... I CAN'T... I CAN'T BREATH-- Dan Heng: March, I'm confused. Caelus: (facepalming) She did NOT just say that. Dan Heng: What? What did she say? March 7th: DAN HENG, SHE JUST GAVE YOU INSTANT PERMISSION FOR 3RD BASE! Dan Heng: 3rd base? What does th-- Dan Heng: Dan Heng, in realization, growing completely red: ...oh. Dan Heng: OH--

your honor they are dumbasses. not just stelle. but also dan heng.

[ladyluscinia]

man i have been eyebrow deep in your blackhands tag for most of the afternoon and i am co signing izzy with murderbestie anne bonny. let this stressed lil dude have a friend that isn't his codependency partner/boss please. and yes, let ed be jealous and possessive as fuck - it's unhealthy but so fun! which seems like a long way to say: do you have any izzy&anne thoughts??

I have been sitting on this ask for a while (like, months 😅) because I was super excited for murderbesties thoughts and did not feel I had the time to do them justice, but today is the end of my holiday so huzzah!

My Izzy and Anne thoughts are numerous! My Anne thoughts in general are numerous, so let's see if I can wrangle them into some kind of order...

Ok, so my Anne and Izzy murderbestie agenda started in this post, and I've been mentally building it up since then. I've also been mentally entwining it with my Izzy and Jack thoughts (especially since posting my JackHands manifesto) but I don't think I've actually posted any of the Izzy + Anne + Jack (+ Mary + Edward) stuff. If I ever write a fic with side characters I'll probably incorporate some version of it all (possibly even if S2 contradicts it) but that could be a very long wait so no point in keeping close to the chest.

I guess the best place to start would be basic Anne headcanons?

---

Anne Bonny

First, more-uniquely me thing... I know a lot of people in the Izzy sphere take their headcanons back to everyone sailing together under Hornigold - no offense intended, those are fun - but I think it adds to Hornigold's terror factor if he really is more just the demon from Edward's childhood (and Jack's), so Izzy and Anne both come into the story post-Hornigold. Izzy shortly after Edward and Jack escape, and then Anne after Jack sets out on his own.

I am a huge fan of disaster woman Anne Bonny. She is not cool. She is not suave. This woman is Calico Jack's First Mate and she matches his energy exactly! #LetWomenBeAwful

I am also a huge fan of lesbian Anne Bonny. This is in part because I love the idea that she genuinely respects Jack and likes him for his personality, and she cannot even blame trashy horniness for it. And Izzy needs a bestie with zero sexual tension to offset the whole everything he has going on with Edward, so win-win.

So Anne is Jack's Izzy - devoted to him, they've been together forever, kinda codependent but handling it better on account of not actually having massive unaddressed romantic and sexual feelings, an excellent pirate team, etc. Jack is actually impressively cunning under his frat bro exterior, and Anne has got some faintly hero-worship "Yes Captain"-ing going on too, just to really drive home the parallel (though she's a lot more boisterous and yet somehow subtle about it than Izzy). I also had thoughts on the prospect of her mutining Jack.

Complex Relationship Stuff

Anne and Izzy got along great from the start. Izzy had developed a fondness for Jack's personality before he struck out on his own, and Anne is enough like him that she easily clicks into the friend group the first time they meet back up. Also Izzy and Anne get paired up by fate for a few sidequests that cement their bond independent of Jack and Edward. They both are very good at killing people. Murderbesties for life! 😘 Anne also calls out Izzy being stupid obvious about his tumultuous love life and she conveys "I get it. Not in an In-Love-with-my-Captain way, but in a Deep-Devotion, I'd-Die-for-Him way so..." and then she becomes Izzy's Edward-Drama drinking buddie.

Important related point - Anne and Edward aren't really friends. Like she is very much Izzy's friend / Jack's platonic wife that Edward is professionally cordial with, and she does make him feel a bit like the odd man out when she visits. This is important for "world doesn't revolve around Edward" reasons, drama reasons, and funny reasons.

The drama reasons are Edward's abandonment issues getting him all worked up and possessive about Izzy having a friend, only soothed by the fact Izzy always comes back and Anne's exclusion from the romantic rival category.

The funny reasons are Anne, completely wasted, grabbing Izzy's shoulder, failing miserably to look him dead in the eye, and slurring "Leave the bastard, you're too good for him. He's a fucking... A loser. Loser bastard!" and Izzy replying, equally drunk and scandalized, "He's Blackbeard!"

Anne's romantic advice to Izzy is usually along the lines of Dump Him, but she also gets pissed at Edward on Izzy's behalf like a true bestie. Her reaction to the whole Stede thing would be a treat. Izzy frequently discounts her romantic advice because he a) is way too deep in this toxic marriage to back down that easy, and b) knows she has her own disaster thing going on with Mary so clearly is in no position to be giving advice. (This is true.)

Edward, meanwhile, is professionally cordial with Anne. He respects her skill, thinks Jack picked a good First Mate, and acknowledges her place in Izzy's life (begrudgingly, and with many private freak outs). He also feels a wave of dread every time Anne rolls up to the ship and considers her a bad influence, which is hilarious to everyone in their social circle (ex: Spanish Jackie). Izzy is a lot more chill and reckless around Anne, and she's not going to be the responsible one so Edward kinda has to... and he's not great at it. Goes from fun to anxiety inducing real fast. He's relieved when she has to get back to Jack, and thinks she's a bit better when Jack is around (mainly because Jack is leading the plans).

(Mary can help with responsibility - being a bit more of an escape plan oriented follower - but she's got those "what happens, happens" vibes and gets caught up in Anne / Jack's wake super easily.)

Cycling back to Jack, when I say Anne is his platonic wife I mean they totally got married for an insane plan once and she knows all his business, so she naturally does have an opinion on her boss's massive torch for Izzy. Mostly that it's kinda sad, but Calico Jack is her guy even more than Izzy, so she's also kinda rooting for him in that way where she doesn't really want to think about them together but hopes he moves on from Izzy happily. Jack does not get the "stop waiting for scraps of affection" talks like Izzy does, despite maybe deserving them more. He's also better at not wallowing in his rejected love when Izzy isn't in front of him, though, so that contributes.

And finally the Jack / Mary / Anne mess. I play with different dynamics for this one, but crucially Mary has (at least in the past) hooked up with Jack, and is hardcore into Anne, but their relationship is plagued by commitment issues.

If I'm feeling SteddyHands mirroring, then usually Mary is going back and forth between Jack and Anne and they have a weird thruple thing going on, only they act more like it's an open relationship / not that serious on all sides (because of the commitment issues all around) and then get pissed at each other for the same act. The ideal final form is "This is my girlfriend, Mary, and this is her [X]friend, [XXXX]." Followed by Jack and Anne calling each other husband / wife for a joke.

If I'm not feeling mirroring, then I do think it's really fun if Anne has to deal with dating her boss's ex that he's still on good enough terms to flirt with even if it's definitely over, and Mary has to deal with her girlfriend being more devoted to her ex than her for the rest of time, even if it's an entirely different kind of devotion. Also Jack and Anne are still platonically married and it is weird as fuck.

Izzy approves of Mary. He thinks she's a respectable pirate, absolutely lethal, and she gets bonus likability points because she's been backup on enough raids that she treats Izzy like a weapon of mass destruction when battle planning and he's very flattered.

Izzy has also been Anne's drunken sympathetic ear through issues with Mary or Jack (or both, when Anne gets that in her head), and he has - entirely obvious to the irony - listened to Anne sob over how she can't live without Mary and responded "Have you told her that?" (Anne had not, and would not when sober again.) He is self aware enough that he's never once advised her to drop Jack and go sail under someone else, though.

Random Other Thoughts

Hmm... Oh! Big one - I think Anne has mad tattoo skills. She's done a few of Edward's and some of her crew members (and a few small but gorgeous ones for Mary), but her real masterpiece is a really complex ship and waves on Izzy's back that she did over multiple sessions and adds details and touchups to pretty regularly. Izzy doesn't let many people tattoo him and Anne is at the top of the list.

Anne and Stede get off on the wrong foot, like, instantly. Stede is still in his "trouble remembering Izzy exists" era and entirely fails to hide his surprise that he has a friend, Anne thinks Stede is boring as fuck and openly boos his suggested activities, Stede gets the Calico Jack First Mate reveal and sours even faster... It's a whole thing. If we're doing SteddyHands she thinks Izzy is actively losing his mind when she realizes he's even considering doing that.

The murderbesties do lots of murder. A typical Anne visit is short and sweet, where she catches Blackbeard's ship because she wants to borrow Izzy to back her up on a precision naval fort strike or something. They get drenched in blood, kill a bunch of people, and usually rush to get back to the ship with their loot before anyone notices. This leads to a very relaxed and bloodstained Izzy, Edward having trouble looking pretty much anywhere else, and Anne placing bets with veteran crew on when the two of them will disappear. Later Izzy and Anne split the most expensive bottle of booze they managed to grab before she heads back to her own stuff.

Anne slept with Spanish Jackie once, out of curiosity more than anything. She recommends it. Izzy still insists she was so deep in celebratory booze that there's no way she fucking remembers enough to recommend shit. Jackie doesn't kiss and tell.

---

I think that's plenty of thoughts for now. I wish I was the kind of fic writer who could have a whole series about these two out by now, but alas. Headcanon / fic concept posts will have to do.

Thank you for the chance to gush on them and get all my thoughts in one place!

[shamefulzombie]

Not Perfect

[keithbutgay]

hi!

um

yeah

notes goal post

because i really need motivation

(i stole some of these but shhhhh)

if this post gets 50 notes i'll drink water right now

100 i'll go to bed at midnight for the rest of the week

200 i'll actually do my laundry

500 i'll take a shower every day for the rest of the week

1,000 i'll brush my teeth every night for a full week

2,000 i'll stop binding for an unhealthy amount of time for a full week

3,000 i'll start actually wearing my ankle braces consistently

4,000 i'll eat breakfast every day for the rest of the week

5,000 i'll stop binding while sleeping

6,000 i'll stop wearing earrings i'm allergic to for a full week

7,000 i'll start doing makeup again

8,000 i'll stop eating chocolate for the rest of the week

9,000 i'll make my autodale masks

10,000 i'll touch grass every day for the rest of the month

11,000 i'll water my plants twice a week for the rest of the month

12,000 i'll put on my lotion when i need to for a full week

13,000 i'll eat at least two meals every day for the rest of the week

14,000 i'll finish my water bottle every day for a full week

15,000 i'll write more for forest files

18,000 i'll clean out my backpack

19,000 i'll take my vitamins every day for the rest of the week

20,000 i'll finish my stained glass project

21,000 i'll go to bed before midnight for the rest of the week

22,000 i'll do my summer reading

23,000 i'll move the knife out of my room

24,000 i'll eat three meals every day for three days

25,000 i'll stop purposefully triggering myself for a full week

50,000 i'll try my best to stay clean for two full weeks

i'll probably add more goals if this somehow get past 5k, but there it is for now :)

spam allowed

tagging allowed

ummm the deadline is halloween

*thumbs up*

go for it

[chessb0r3d]

Analysis so bad you don't even know what it's talking about anymore.

[nat-20s]

Just thought to myself "can't women have a bad time in fiction without rape being involved" which really shows you how much you're in the fucking trenches if you are both a horror fan and women fan

[hinamie]

trick or treat!

[a-method-in-it]

You know that Chris Fleming line that goes "Call yourself a community organizer even though you're not on speaking terms with your roommates"?

I honestly think every leftist who talks about the "revolution" like Christians talk about the rapture needs to spend a year trying to organize their workplace. Anyone who sincerely talks about building a movement so vast and all-encompassing that it overwhelms all existing power structures needs the dose of humility that comes with realizing they can't even build a movement to get people paid better at a badly run AMC Theaters where everyone already hates the manager.

[chloesimaginationthings]

RIP Michael Afton.. you would of loved FLAF

[thunder-point]

Now they are role playing Palm and Nueng I can’t this is so cute.

It’s either the headache or I’m truly just so endeared

Here is the link to this cute fic for anyone who wants to read. It’s explicit, beware!

[romanceyourdemons]

a little obsessed with the story of how giacomo casanova was sharing a gondola with this random guy who suddenly started having a seizure, and casanova had some medical training so he stabilized the guy until the guy’s physician could be called. and then the physician bled the guy and put mercury ointment on him, which caused everything to get worse to the point that a priest was called to administer the guy’s last rites, but then casanova stepped in and washed off the mercury ointment despite the doctor yelling at him not to. and the guy recovered and turned out to be super rich and powerful and in gratitude bankrolled casanova’s debauchery for years until casanova got himself sentenced to five years in jail for blasphemy. also at one point he got shot through the hand in a duel and doctors wanted to amputate it but he said no it’ll be fine and it Was

[who-always-pays-their-taxes]

He might be 6’0 and built like a brick but i see the rage of a teenage girl in his eyes

[the-game-spirit]

sometimes a piece of media just! grabs you by the throat and says, "hey buddy! I'm gonna irrevocably alter your brain chemistry now! have fun with that!!"

and then you just ! gotta deal with that ! you guess !!

[nicktoonsunite]

manny discovers something mildly disappointing about jenny

[lastoneout]

Seein' too many Twitter refugees asking if they'll get in trouble for saying "kill yourself" to people and while no, you're not gonna get nuked from orbit, that is maybe something you just shouldn't be doing in general perhaps?? Maybe telling people to kill themselves is bad actually?? Some of y'all are wild, why is the first thing you can think to ask on a new platform if you can send one of the worst kinds of harassment to people?? Grow tf up and learn how to use the block button. It'll do wonders for your mood, trust me.

[harboretum]

It's Make a Terrible Comic Day