#also just sitting with the fact we will all probably be broke forever ill always be penny pinching and scrambling for the rest of my life | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wizkiddx · 4 years ago

Note

hiiiii i love your stuff - could u do one where the readers ill but they have stuff to do and tom has to look after her. maybe if they were just friends before too but both pining? thankuuuuuuuuu

should I be writing this instead of revising? clearly fucking not. Did I make this little blurb req ridiculously long purely to procrastinate? Of fucking course.

but also this was v cute! I assumed u meant famous!reader, sorry if that's not what u were after at all anon x

summary: Tom Holland turns into the readers knight in shining armour when they get ill during promo

warnings: fainting / feeling ill

///////////////////

It couldn’t be today. Of all days, why today? You’d been at home for two weeks doing absolutely nothing, before this trip. And yet it’s when your itinerary is packed to the brim, people moving heaven and earth just speak to you. Two weeks of unrelenting press for Marvels next big ensemble movie.

Your manager was speaking to you, reeling off a run down of todays activities but instead of listening you nodded along blankly - head rather cloudy with this heavy mist that was not shaking off, no matter how hard you tried.

“You got that Y/n/n?” Lucy pointedly spoke, eyes almost physically knocking you backwards as if her eyeliner was battery rams. Fumbling with your thoughts, your answer wasn’t particularly cohesive earning you just a disappointed head shake.

“I um… yeh I think. Who-who did you say I was paired up with?”

“Y/n please for the love of god. Tom, like I said the past fifty times.” And to be fair to Lucy she wasn’t wrong. It was the first major major promo tour for the both of you and after just two days so far - you were both exhausted. She was more than allowed to be a bit short tempered.

“But we-we hardly know each other? The chemistry won’t be there and-“

“As I said, I tried to re-jig it but Kevin is of the mind that acting is your job.” Her tone was sharp but as she glared across the opposing seats, in the little mini van Marvel had hired for you as transportation, her eyes softened. Lucy had been so wrapped up in her own stress she may have overlooked quite how gingerly you were sitting. By the time she had arrived at the hotel, your stylist had already managed to half save your ghoulish looking face, with sunken under eyes and tired skin, so it wasn’t so blatantly obvious how crap you were feeling. “Is everything okay with you?”

It felt pretty puny to say that the jet lag from flying to Tokyo had been weighing you down further than you wanted, or that the local cuisine top chefs had kindly prepared for you last night wasn’t siting well in your stomach. To be honest, even you thought it was just your body being a bit overdramatic. So in response, you put on your best happy-go-lucky face feigning a smile.

“No no I’m fine, just want to give the best interviews I can and you know…. I’m awkward as hell as it is, then pair me with the most talented actor that I share about two minutes of screen time with…it’ll be interesting.”

The way Lucy reacted with a weird slow nod, eyebrows furrowed, meant it was quite apparent you had perhaps overplayed that one. Had you not been so over the day before it even began, you would’ve tried again to give a more believable act. But as you were, you turned your attention back out to the bustling streets of Tokyo and the high rise buildings bordering each pavement.

You didnt have a problem with Tom, far from it in fact. Tom was hilarious and the times you had met him, you’d both built up this weird and sarcastic competitiveness with each other. It was a game of who could get the last laugh, each of you pushing each other with the Mickey taking just a little further. Of course, not in a malicious way, just the way you’d both lived pretty similar but parallel careers - when everyone drew comparisons between the both of you, it was nice to make it a joke.

Like Tom you’d also started out on stage, had a ‘big break’ movie as a kid and then spent your teenage years on and off film sets - till marvel happened. Then everything blew up to epic proportions, changing your life forever. Actually, it was so similar to Tom’s story, plus the fact you were also from the south west of the UK. It was bizarre your paths hadn’t crossed more - He probably could’ve been a useful ally in the the whole ‘becoming famous’ thing.

And yet, you could probably count on two hands the amount of conversations you’d had with him.

Now that, that was the issue. Right from the beginning you learn what the press want and when you are publicising a movie you cater into it too. They’d all be asking for the insider scoop on set; what pranks you’d pulled on each other; what was the most annoying thing about each other. Which is hard if you’d only had 5 or 6 days actually on set together.

By the time the cab had wormed its way through the Tokyo traffic and you arrived at the PR hotel, it was already 9:30 - making you 15 minutes late (blame it on the traffic). Instantly then you were ushered straight to the interview room for the evening, no chance of green room chat or grabbing a drink before. The place was stuffy, everything was draped with black curtains except the poster board that Tom was already sitting infront of.

He’d scrubbed up well, no doubt about it. He was wearing statement-ish burgundy suit trousers, teamed with a black knitted but collared shirt thing - that was clearly tailor made for the man. As soon as he noticed you scurry into the room, his face broke out into a warm smile, jumping up to greet you in a friendly hug. It was brief, and as you pulled back you accidentally bumped your head on one of the overhanging lights. No doubt someone had spent a ridiculous amount of time configuring them so they were positioned perfectly, which you had just ruined with your big head.

“Oh shit!” Tom just laughed in response, shaking his head slightly as he lead you the two steps across to your pre-positioned seats.

“Making an entrance as always I see!”

“Yeh, you know me, a bit of chaos just to keep everyone on their toes.”

“Oh is that why you’re ‘fashionably late’” With a playful wiggle of his eyebrows, you just rolled your eyes, fidgeting on the chair to find a position that didnt aggravate your stomach so much.

“I’m ready now though! What did I miss? Just having to pretend to be your friend for 15 minutes?” You stressed the words as though the thought of conversation with Tom was the absolute worst thing in the world - which you definetly didnt think. Scowling like you’d insulted his dog Tessa, it was almost visible how the cogs were turning in his head looking for a comeback. Unfortunately for him though, he was quickly shut up but the organiser bringing the first interviewer in .

For what would, no doubt, be a long day.

////

Everything had started off so well, the banter was flowing between you and Tom, no major spoilers revealed that meant Marvel would have to make the journalist disappear. It was once you hit an hour of back-to-back interviews that everything started to crack bit. Because yes, it had only been an hour but that was enough to exhaust you on this particular day. When Tom joked around you got slower and slower, similarly the energy was zapped from your own answers. It’s not very compelling when someone says ‘you have to watch this movie’ in a monotonous voice with sullen eyes.

As the interviewers were swapping in and out, Tom actually lightly nudged your shoulder.

“Everything alright? We’re trying to sell tickets and you’ve got a face like thunder.”

“Oh no-no sorry I just, I-um.”

“You want some water?” Now looking at your with more concerned eyes, as if he was just nervous he’d actually offended you for calling you a boring bastard. And you would’ve picked up on it and alleviated his concerns, if it weren’t for the fact your eyes were glued on the water bottle he was holding out to you. You were thirsty. You knew that, that wasn’t the conundrum. What you weren’t so sure about was whether your stomach would accept it, or more violently reject it. In a very non ‘we’re-trying-to-sell-a-movie’ style.

But the lightheaded fogginess in your brain won out, as you nodded jerkily, taking the bottle and taking a little swig - too cautious to take anymore.

Now concerned with how Tom thought you were being a Debby-downer too, you managed to perk yourself up for the next four interviews. They were easy, asking questions without any activity and though you did rely on Tom beefing out and adding to your answers, it was okay. Then the next interviewer came in, who you recognised as being from the BBC, Ali Plumb, that had interviewed you a number of times. From the way Tom jumped up to give him afirendly bro-hug, you guessed he also was familiar with him. As soon as he took a seat the cameras were already flashing with the red light, demonstrating his 7 minutes had already started.

“Guys! It’s been a while.”

“How are you Ali?” You started it off with the pleasantries, Tom echoing, before the speccy dirty-blonde asked his first question.

“So the last time I spoke to you guys the universe was in chaos, Peter Parkers on the run and Aurora Blake was trying to strip her own powers, so I guess my first question is how are you both doing? We can use this as a therapy session if you guys need.” His very typical nerdy joke made Tom laugh, nodding as he leaned forward and repositioned a bit.

You didn’t share the same humour though, more focused on this invisible blanket of stuffiness that seemed to have been thrown on top of you. It made you feel groggy, incredibly hot and so unbelievable nauseous. The lights weren’t helping either, it felt like you were pouring with sweat from your forehead. You thought Tom was answering Ali, even if you couldn’t really hear - everything had merged into a deafening roar. Adrenaline coursed through your veins, unconsciously making you fumble yourself to standing, desperate to get somewhere with fresh air. The last thing you saw before your vision tunnelled into darkness was Tom, reaching out to try and catch you.

Because next thing you knew, you were on the floor, wires from all the cameras and lights digging into your back as you looked up to see Tom on one side and Lucy on the other - both wearing a similarly panicked expression. You knew you hadn’t been out long, seconds if that, going by the fact everyone else was in the ‘oh my god’ phase of panic. It was a bit weird how calm you where, but then again all your life you’d been the ‘class fainter’. Waking up on the floor was something you were long since used to.

“Y/n? You awake?” Rather stating the obvious Tom asked the question as you bent your head up - allowing you sight of all the concerned facing oggling you. With a defeated sigh, you flopped your head back.

“If this is a dream then it’s a real bloody nightmare.” This time Tom didnt seem to appreciate your joke, looking at you without almost dumbfounded eyes, as you blinked repetitively and groaned.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Lucy appeared to want to lecture you, which to be honest wasn’t the most time appropriate. You were still on the floor, legs crumpled up under you, so ignored her. Instead you pulled yourself up into a sitting position, taking a moment to blink away the blotchy haze that threatened to takeover your vision once again, whilst the pair above you both cautiously rested their palms on each of your shoulders -trying to be useful. The room still felt cramped and stifling, as everyone around were no doubt looking at you.

It took a few minutes but your body seemed to get over itself, sitting up normally and trying to make small talk with Ali - who, by the way, was still sat awkwardly in the chair. Still nestled on the floor, your back up against the chair you had been siting on as you raved with Ali of the Harry Potter theatre show. In a natural lull in conversation, Tom perked up - from the door where he’d been muttering with the organiser as Lucy bit her nails nervously.

“Y/n you need to go home.”

All of you knew what Tom said was impossible. Not being egotistical, but you were too important. Although you hadn’t been paying masses of attention for Lucy’s run down of your itinerary - you knew it was packed.

So you just looked up and rolled your eyes at Tom, earning yourself a strong glare, before locking the organiser in eye contact.

“How many have we got till lunch?”

“Um this gent here” He gesturned toward Ali, who was almost squirming in his seat now “then two more.”

“And then lunch?”

“Yes, then you have a personal appearance at a dinner, so transport will be coming to pick you both up.” This poor guy seemed obsessed with the clock and his timetable, looking at your with a mixture of panic and frustration. You should know this stuff, you should’ve listened to Lucy.

“How fars the drive?”

“At this time probably an hour and a half.”

The plan was clear in your head, you’d sort yourself out in the car and be fully fine by the afternoon and evening engagements. Plus you felt almost fine now. So with a sigh, you hauled yourself up onto the chair, patting for Tom to sit back down.

“It’s half an hour and then I’ll sort myself out at lunch - come on their waiting.” The way Lucy pouted showed she disagreed somewhat, except a stern look kept her from protesting, as Tom walked toward you.

“Are you sure you don’t loo-“

“Let me stop you before you insult my appearance.” Snickering slightly at his worried face, you laughed it off , knocking his side with a gentle murmur of ‘don’t worry about me’.

In fact after that little episode you did feel a little recovered, which meant you were properly noticing the change in the boy sat next to you. Throughout the remaining three interviews he’d done a complete 360 from earlier. Rather than trying to get little digs at you, he had become fiercely protective - jumping in if a questions wasn’t particularly appropriate or relevant to the movie ( meaning when an awfully crap man asked what underwear you’d been able to wear in your suit) ; taking the heat of the conversation as well as just watching you like a hawk. Each time you answered his beady brown eyes were watching you from the side, you got the impression it wasn’t only just because of the risk of spoilers.

Quite remarkably, you survived the rest of the day pretty well, after a power nap in the car on the way over - even if it was a bit difficult when you had your manager watching you like a hawk from the seat across. It was as if Lucy had never seen anyone ill before, she seemed concerned that you were going to spontaneously stop breathing and die at any point.

Though by the time all the official business at the dinner was done, your body and willpower had reached the end of their tether. You and Tom were both on a round table, surrounded by 6 CEOs and execs of what seemed to be a multimillion pound business enterprise. With the language barrier meaning you had to speak through the two people on the table who were fluent in both japanese and English, the conversation was already pretty jilted. Though to be fair, the six did seem to be enjoying the evening - something you werent able to reciprocate. Thankfully, five minutes after the main course dishes had been collected, Tom spoke up from his position opposite you.

“This has been lovely and we really appreciate your time and generosity but me and Y/n have a really early start tomorrow so I think we should probably get back to the hotel.” You swore in that moment you could’ve kissed him, and it looked like Tom could tell - by the way your shoulders sagged and you let out an exhale of pure relief. Apparently even if you’d managed to convince the hosts you were enjoying the evening, Tom easily saw through the performance. After some hurried goodbyes, Tom led you out of the hall with his hand hovering over your lowerback, trying to make sure your exit was as discreet as possible.

Away from the bubble of chatter and activity, in the deserted hallway, Tom stopped you - lightly holding both hands on each of your arms.

“Wheres your team?”

“Um Luce is back at the hotel, she was trying to see if she could reschedule any of my stuff tomorrow.” You winced at the way he sighed, realising you were all on your own in some random business event hall in Tokyo.

“Harry -my brother- is waiting in the car at the front - is that okay?”

“No Tom, don’t worry abo-“

“Yeh well I am and I think you feel ten times worse than you’re letting on.” He spoke harshly, like a school teacher telling you off - except the hint of a kind smile at the end was a dead giveaway.

“You sure?”

With a relieved nod (Tom had thought you might be a bit more stubborn - you obviously were really really ill) he wordlessly shrugged his suit jacket off, wrapping it round your shoulders. He muttered something about not wanting you to catch a chill but to be quite honest you were a bit distracted by the woody cedar smell of Toms aftershave that enveloped your senses. Maybe it wasn’t so bad being fussed on by him? To be fair he wasn’t wrong either, you were in a strapless evening dress - you would’ve preferred to be in joggers, but Marvels press team had other ideas.

After a quick pit stop at the toilets, the two of you managed to make an unnoticed escape out the building - into a big SUV which had seconds prior pulled up onto the steps. You literally melted into the nearest window seat, body hunching over as you probably crumpled Tom’s jacket beyond belief. 2 seats along from you, a frizzy haired boy gave you a sympathetic smile, which you returned weakly whilst muttering a ‘hi’. Meanwhile, Tom pulled the sliding door shut, sitting across from you.

“Oh Y/n this is Harry and Harry this is Y/n.” In unison both of you replied with an ‘I know’ eye roll. Your response was somewhat more shocking to both Holland boys, you could tell from the way they had this whole nonverbal conversation with their eyes - they were very clearly brothers. Needing to explain you continued. “I like to keep tabs on my castmates, I’ve seen you on Toms instagram.” That had both boys smirking, Harry presumably just because you knew who he was; Tom more smugly, you’d just given away you slightly stalked him on instagram.

Silence reigned for a moment, as the driver put his foot down slightly.

“How you doing?” Tom asked.

“Mhm…” you thought for a second, how to eloquently describe the sensation.

“shit.”

Both boys chuckled a little and even though you had closed your eyes in an attempt to dull the throbbing behind your temples, you could feel the eyes on you.

“You want the music off?” Harry asked, referring to the indie-rock coming quietly out the speakers of his laptop, which was resting on his lap. With a shake of your head you refused, even if really silence probably would help your head, you were already causing the two Hollands enough trouble - no need to bore them during the journey back into central Tokyo, especially when you weren’t the most enthusiastic company ever.

Thankfully the music stayed on a low volume, whilst the car seemed to settle into a comfortable silence. With a long exhale you fluttered your eyes open, seeing Tom focused on his phone, before you rested the side of your head against the black-out glass. Taking some relief from the cool glass, you huddled further into the corner of the car against the door.

Floating in the space between sleep and wakefulness, you were kind of aware of your head occasionally bobbing and jerking about - but really didn’t have the energy or willpower to do anything about it. Instead, the thing that perked your attention was hearing some supposed-whispering from inside the body of the car.

“I know she said she didn’t care but she was clearly lying-“

“Like you know! You’ve been desperate to try and spend some time with Y/n- maybe you poisoned her just so you could be all knight-in-shini-“

“Turn. The. Music. Off.” Tom sounded scathing now, and with a grumble from your other-side the cheery drum beats ceased.

“Happy now?” …and Harry was sarcastic.

“Swap places with me.”

“What?”

“Just do it.”

“Why?”

“So she can lie down.”

“Well no because you would still be in the way if we swapped.”

“Yeh but she can lie on my lap idiot.”

“She can lie on me.”

“She doesn’t know you!”

“Well for 1, barely ten minutes ago she said she did know me. And 2, she doesn’t know you any better!”

If this was their version of whispering, you would love to hear what volume ‘shouting’ was. There was no reply for a short while, you imagined the two brunettes locked in some intense staring match.The next time Tom spoke he sounded more defeated - almost begging.

“If I admit you beat me at the driving range the other day will you-”

“I KNEW IT!” Harry yelped, the volume making you jerk, eyes flying open before reflexively closing because the light was too bright. There was a little mutter of an apology, then silence again.

Once agin you must’ve drifted off because it felt like absolutely no time had passed when a firm but gently hand on your shoulder nudged you awake.

Sure enough the boys had swapped position, Tom now sitting along the seat from you, Harry looked a little sulky from across the way. It was Tom who was reaching over, a gentle and peaceful smile on his face.

“You wanna lie down? Don’t want you to strain your neck.” He wasn’t wrong, adding to the throbbing headache, the cloudiness in your brain and the unsettled feeling in your stomach… now your neck hurt. Just bloody great.

Had you been your normal witty and perceptive self, you might’ve teased Tom as to why him and his brother had done a switch - but everything hurt and all you wanted to do was sleep for a hundered years. So with squinting eyes you jerkily nodded, missing how Tom chuckled to himself. The guy undid your seatbelt, then sat back to let you balance the back of your head on his thigh, looking up at the roof of the SUV. Already your eyes were closed again, you kicked off your slip-on heels and bent your legs up to lean against the backrest - occupying the position you had been sat in before hand. You felt his hands reposition the jacket, pulling it round so it was now like a blanket tucked under your chin.

To be fair it was much more comfortable than sitting up and you weren’t even aware of how quickly you dropped back into sleep.

Though it wasn’t quick enough to miss Harry’s very sulky sounding comment, presumably meant only for Tom’s ears.

“Still think you’re being fucking creepy bro.”

<33 lemme know what u think! (would make me feel less guilty for not doing all the work I rlly should be doing aha)

tagging : @hallecarey1 @crossyourpeter @hollandfanficlove

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom Holland angst #tom Holland fluff #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x actress!reader #tom holland x famous!reader #harry holland #tom holland request

399 notes · View notes

smutandfluffohmy · 4 years ago

Text

His Sweater #3

From: Smutandfluffohmy Pairings: George Weasley X Slytherin!reader A/N: I shared my story on TikTok and thank you so much for all the support and love for this story 🥺 It really means the world to me 💕 I was going to cut this up to two different parts because its so longggg but I thought I should post it as one since it was supposed to be posted over the weekend.

Read it from the beginning Part 1 Here

Looking for part 2? Look no further

I had snow in my shoe, a hexed Gryffindor robe and George Weasleys sweater if all but the snow I would count this as a successful day. Walking to the Slytherin common room felt ages away and by far something I wasn’t looking forward to.

“Draco can you please stop crying.” I huffed looking around the common room at a bunch of Slytherins angrily pointing at their hexed robes they haven’t bothered to change back, I suppose it fueled their anger and made them forget their terrible Quiddith match or maybe they were just enjoying mocking Gryffindor students.

“I’m not crying I’m just angry.You should’ve seen Potters smug face wh-” Draco was yelling and probably shaking a finger at me just like my nan, but today has been far too long for me to stick around for yet another of his Potter rants.

Changing out of my unforgiving cold clothes I put on blue pajamas. Now these were sneaking around the castle at 3am appropriate, not that I intended to get up that early again but it was nice feeling that this time I had at least prepared. Georges sweater sat on the edge of my bed, it looked so lonely sitting there, the room wasn’t cold but I think I lied to myself that it was just enough to justify wearing his sweater to bed. I smelt like George Weasley, it smells exactly like the amorentia I brewed earlier today. I wonder what George smells? And if I could buy a perfume that smells like that, perhaps I could trick him into liking me that way.

But those are horrible thoughts to be having of a day-old friend.

My morning was uneventful and I was grateful for the much needed peace and quiet from a hectic year. The library was as quiet as always, books silently whizzing over my head rearranging themselves with a silent thump here and there.

Fred sat down loudly on the chair next to me, the box in his hand clanging loudly against the wooden desk making me jump. “That sweater really brings out your eyes. Where’d you get it?” Fred laughed bumping his shoulder to mine making me nudge George’s shoulder.

My face went red at the sudden contact as if I wasn't wearing his sweater. “Piss off Fred.” Fred Weasley didn’t know how to whisper nor how to act around people he just met these two things I knew for sure.

“So we wanted to run this idea by you” George said reaching over me to get the box Fred had placed on the table.

Fred leaned on the table leaning against his arms to look over at his brother. “George beings a boring bellend. Talk some sense into him will ya.” George leaned over just like Fred, the 8 chair table seemed too small and it turns out Fred isn't the only that had issues with personal space.

Fred proceeded to tell me about the plan and George swore that Fred and Fred alone thought this all up. Which Fred answered that George was a fool that was loosing his sense of humor due to his old age. Ten minutes, 3 head flicking fights and one terrible plan later had me wondering how they had gotten as far as they did without seriously injuring someone.

I was afraid going against them would mean the end of our friendship but they want to put bertlys barfs and boils on the dinners feast but I for one did not want to wash off a third years barf from my robes.

I breathed in looking over at George to see if he was just as excited as Fred was, brown eyes met mine and for a flash I forgot what I was looking for. “That’s literally poisoning people.” I told Fred who's face fell at my shocking answer but George beamed from behind me, reaching over and draped his arm over me smiling at his brother.

Fred looked from George to me and then around the library looking around for someone that would agree to making an entire school sick to their stomach was anything but a horrible ideas. Unlucky for us he found it in the form of a ghost hiding frogs behind a set of books “Peeves what do you think?” Fred called out waving him over like an old friend.

Peeves stopped what he was doing walking over to us.His hat framing the sides of his face, his shoes gave off a slight jingle with every steep and his face lighting up at seeing us “I think it’s brilliant! While you’re at it I suggest putting some on the old professors food. Make it a party!” He said stepping on top of the table kicking some of the papers I was working on around, some of the scrolls rolling across the wooden floor.

Fred clapped his hands on the table smiling up at Peeves “Finally someone that understands!” and with that Peeves stepped off the table further kicking my potions assignment further around the library surely to be tossed or lost forever.

Sighing I looked over at Fred who's face never wavered “Can’t just have it change peoples hair color? You know not unknowingly make them violently ill.” I said looking back at George for some support something he was already giving me with a loopy smile as if he just drank 4 pints of Firewhisky.

Scrunching my eyebrows at him he seemed to snap out of whatever daze he was in. Nodding his head making his hair move in all sort of directions, I wonder if it was as soft as it looked. “I kinda don’t want to see boils popping on the French toast.” George said shrugging his shoulders at his brother, I was still blissfully over aware that his arm was slung over my shoulders

Throwing his head back slumping down on his chair with an overly dramatic sigh he closed his eyes “Fine fine we’ll think it over.” Fred said waving us away, to where he wanted us to disappear I don’t know and frankly I didn't care enough to ask.

As it turned out there was no prank that year. The laughter we had anticipated was pushed to the side with George and Fred gathering money for the new joke shop they talked so fondly about. The laughter was later completely forgotten at the news of Cediric Diggorys untimely passing.Our secret joke meetings got replaced with hospital wing visits looking after Harry and Ron who had picked fights with what seemed like all of Hogwarts. Hermione Granger was always there with us and sometimes their other friends stopped by with plants or books or snacks they thought they might enjoy during their stay.

We didn't know what was worse you-know-whos reappearance or the fact that people thought Harry killed Cedric himself for a stupid trophy in a stupid game that Dumbledore wasn’t bright enough to not let a 15 year old Harry participate in. The year ended and while I was sad to not see George nor Fred for a while, I was glad we no longer had to pull apart fights and mend bruises.

The summer consisted of writing letters to Fred and George, well mostly George. It was not just because I liked him but also because Fred had awful hand writing, that at times it made me question if I even knew how to read at all. I occasionally asked them how Ron was doing, if Harry was doing any better and if Hermione still looked at Ron fondly. I still wore Georges sweater around the house that I was not permitted to leave from and more often than not I got teased on my crush on the Weasley boy from my mother, father, brother and sister-in-law who seemed to have no other entertainment besides teasing me.

The days were long and our boredom filled the house. I was more than glad when the school year began once again. Sitting in the train cart with Draco and his friends who my family asked me to keep a close eye on as they feared they might stray somewhere horrible. I didn't have the heart to tell them I suspected they already had, so I was stuck with Draco and his never ending Harry Potter rant.

“You know Draco I think the only person that talks about Harry as much as you do is Ginny.” I said, which caused him to turn an awful shade of red. The remainder of the trip was left in silence which I was thankful for. Stepping into the grand hall I looked around for Fred and George who to no-ones surprised were whispering between the two of them.

Pushing past other students I was finally in front of the boys I spent all summer writing to. They seemed to have gotten taller and their hair had gotten shorter. “Fred! George I missed you!”I said grabbing them down into a hug which they returned just as quickly as they broke it off.

“Sorry gotta run.” Fred said smiling down at me ruffling my hair. Embarrassed I tried to flatten it down in an effort for it to regain it’s original place.

“Places to be.” George said following his brother, I reached over yanking him back. Perhaps they had things to do, what things could be done in the first day back I don’t know but I was hurt they were leaving me behind without as much as a hello tossed my way.

“Wait your sweater!” Was all I could say as I pushed his neatly folded sweater that said ‘I thought about the way the sleeves are folded because I like you but I didn’t think enough about it for you to worry’ towards him. Hesitantly he reached over placing his hand on top and bottom of the sweater, his fingers grazing mine, being awfully gentle like it could fall apart right then in there in the great hall.

He smiled at him making my heart jump “Oh thanks I was looking for it all break.” he said rather confidently for a lie, I wrote him every week asking if I should send it over but every week it seemed to be too hot or too rainy or too blue out for a sweater to be delivered via owl. “Here can you hold this for a bit.Thanks you’re a life saver.” He said tugging off the sweater he already had on and tugging it over my head. I was left with frizzy hair, alone and with George Weasleys sweater once again.

The year was going awful and I wondered if it was all just one big nightmare caused by a faulty potion in Professor Snape's class. Unfortunately it was not and we were in fact left with a highly dressed up and highly pink toad of a woman being our professor.

“Eyes up front children. There will be no speaking out of turn in my classroom.” Professor Umbridge said as she continued on with her lesson in the defense against the dark arts, a field that while highly skilled she refused to prove it. A sentiment that had the gracious opportunity to fill my ear when I was helping Professor Snape grade papers earlier that day.

The days seemed somehow longer than they did over the summer, perhaps it was the ridiculous amount of reading or perhaps it was because Fred and George had agreed amongst themselves that I no longer existed.

A head of red hair passed by and at that moment I swore it was my favorite color “Ron!” I called out running to catch up with him, he tensed up his shoulders before turning to look at who had called me.

“Bloody hell woman you almost killed me.” He said clutching his robes just over the place his heart was, well at least would be if it was not in fact on the other side. Perhaps I was a bit too thrilled to had finally made at least one of the Weasley stay long enough to speak to me.

“Oh hello Hermione I haven't seen you in a while!” That was in fact a lie I haven't seen her at all but it seemed like a polite thing to say at the time “Ron If you see your brothers ca-”

“Y/n why don’t you just try acquainting yourself with decent people? Not of the likes of Weasleys and mudbloods.” Draco said from behind me, Ron turned red much like he did when he was about to fight and Hermione scrunched her nose balling her fist as if she was about to take a swing and Draco.

I felt awfully silly picking a fight with a boy that I passed charms notes to earlier that day.But I could not help but feel the dread that washed over Hermione Granger when he called her a mudblood, a girl who's potions paper I gave a perfect mark to minutes earlier. “Oh like who? You? Push over little daddies boy?” I said standing tall looking at him.The way he said Weasley filled me with more anger than the way he called Hermione Granger a mudblood a sentiment I felt awful for feeling.

Dracos face twisted in an awful expression that made me wish I drank whatever liquid courage they fed Gryffindors. “Watch who you’re talking to!”

“No you watch it Draco.”I said taking a stride closer towards him, our shoes nearly touching and my legs slightly shaking. “Does your mum approve of the things you do?” I said to him only loud enough for him to hear it.

His face dropped before getting a scowl once more “Don’t talk about my mother.” he said with a sneer.

“Don’t give me a reason to.Now get out of here before I make you regret it.” I warned, an empty threat, as empty as they come but Draco did not know enough about me to call my bluff. With a sneer and a swish of a cape he walked away and I was glad I could finally wipe the sweat off my palms on my robe.

The shoes stepping towards me made me tense as I suddenly became aware that I had in fact almost fought a child in front of two other children. A gentle hand was placed on my stiff shoulder instantly making them drop.“Are you alright?” Hermione asked which a nod was all I could answer her with.

I didn’t answer her, afraid my voice would shake and give Draco the satisfaction he got done over on me “Holy shit I feel like I’m going to throw up.” I said once he was out of sight, I joked with being placed in Gryffindor before but for the first time I realized something the sorting hat knew all along. I was in fact empty of courage.

“That was amazing I’ve never seen someone stand up to that git Malfoy like that.” Ron mused smiling as he threw a finger at Dracos back, his smile soften when he saw the awful color mine was. “A-and I’ll make sure to tell George and Fred to stop being such idiots.”

The rest of the day passed without much anything of note, except every slam and quick movement filled me with dread thinking that Malfoy came back for another squabbling match. When the two chairs besides me got pulled out I was worried I was in for a beating and started wondering were a bunch of children would take the piss out of me. Instead George and Fred sat besides me, the rest of the study table giving them odd looks as they all concluded the Weasleys and I were no longer in speaking terms.

“You’re talking to me now?” I said turning back to my herebology book that was rather bland and focused on an smear on the page to fain interest in.

George leaned over placing his head down on the table in an effort to get me to pay attention, but all he did was look like a git. A git that made my heart swell but most importantly a git over anything. “Look we’re sorry a lot of things have been happening and well we’re just part of something.” He said placing his hand over the pages of the book.

“Top secret something.” Fred said leaning into me.

“Dumbledores army? I’ve heard” I whispered to them in an actual proper whisper something they had no knowledge in.

“Ye- how’d you know?” George said closing the textbook infant of me, looking from me to his brother to the other people in the table that had absolutely no interest into what they could be planning now.

I shrugged “Freds shit at whispering.”

“Perfect then you're caught up on everything. So we made this extendable ear and we wanted to run it by you.” Fred said digging out a torn up ear from his pocket and acting like I didn't just say that I knew about a top secret after school club.

“Hold up I never said I forgave you twats”

“You want me to get on my knees? I’ll get on my knees.”

“No George that-” I started to say shaking my head.

“Please come back to us ,our sad little hearts have a y/n shaped holes.” George said getting on his knees, in front of me with people looking at us as if we lit a garbage on fire.

My face turned red as I tried to drag him up to his feet to no avail “Get up.” I said between tugs as Fred laughed on and I can’t tell if that made it better or worse.

“I’m on my knees begging for you to take me back.” George said a bit more loudly with every word, in any other context I would be flattered over the moon in fact. But the snickers and Snape walking towards us made me reevaluate the flattery and George Weasley as a whole.

“Fine I forgive you now get up people are staring.” I said and with that George got up, not because he was embarrassed or because Snape came with a text book up in arms to hit us over the head with but because he just wanted to hear that I forgave him.

Everything seemed to be looking up, there was no sign of you-know-who, Ginny punched the Ravenclaws that were giving Luna Lovegood a hard time in the face, there had been less rain than expected and George, Fred and I were now friends once more. Perhaps all was not good Umbridge was still there in her twisted demented Elle Woods impersonation and Filch could not stop being tragically in love with Umbridge, at times I wonder if I was the Filch in George and I’s situation.

The D.A.D.A class came to an end, a time I thought had forgotten about us. I was packing up my bags, grabbing the text books a manicured handed stopped me.

“Can you come with me to my office?” Umbridge said in more of a demand than a request, nodding my head I followed her to her office. Perhaps I expected a lair or to see Oswald Mosley and Jack the ripper having a cup of tea over the fire but all I got was what looked like the inside of my nan’s house.

“Lovely room. I have a cat myself.” I said, a shiver going down my spine as at least a hundred cats meowed and purred down on me from their strategically placed spots. I loved my cat but I wondered if I could ever love this as much as this, perhaps it was not love at all.

Clapping her hands together she smiled at me “I knew I liked you from the moment I saw you” Umbridge said with a tight smile and while she stood in all her glory in bright pink I don't think it was meant as a compliment. “I called you here because I’ve heard from some of your housemates you’ve fallen in with the wrong crowd with those Weasel bo-”

“Weasley.” I said too confidently for someone that was sitting on a chair that had a picture of a kitten on it.

“I beg your pardon” She stopped smiling her tight lipped smile.

“It’s Weasley not weasel ma’am.” I suspected that she knew that but wasn’t particularly interested in it. She gave out a laugh that sounded like it had been squeezed out of her which by the look in her face I suspect it had.

“Oh did I say that? A slip of the tongue I suppose. As I was saying we’re all worried about you my dear, I suspect doing a few lines will help us clear this up.” She said tapping the piece of parchment paper that sat alone in the desk. “Write “I must not stray’ to help you remember where you truly belong.” A bit on the nose and tacky but I wasn't the one that drank tea out of cups laced with cat fur ,perhaps it had all gone to her head or maybe all adults were this pretentious.

“I’m afraid I didn't bring my quill.” I said over the sea of meows, when I said this she smiled a genuine smile this time.

“No need to worry I have it all set up for you.” She said placing a quill in front of me ever so delicately.

“Thank you Ma’am. How many lines am I to write?”

“I suspect till you feel it sink in dear.” She said once agains laughing, her hands place neatly and delicately in front of her. She smiled with teeth that was some how more intimidating than her tight lipped smile. I did not know how to tell her she had pink lipstick on her teeth.Picking up the quill I noticed there was no ink and I silently saluted the Wizarding world for discovering the amazing muggle creation that are pens.

I should’ve known that these old gits didn’t update to pens, I should’ve known when she smiled at me, I should’ve known when she stood besides me watching me write lines. A lot of should’ves weren't going to erase the burning wound that was not on my arm for an undisclosed amount of time.

‘I must not stray’ I couldn’t see it but I could feel it burn against the sweater, the robes, the air itself seemed to be conspiring on making the cut ache. Having my arm at a certain angle made it

“I brought you a hot chocolate.” George said appearing out of no where, it was almost comical and a bit concerning how no matter where I was George and Fred could always find me.

“What for?” Looking down at the cup in his hands I wondered besides hot chocolate what else would be in it.

George smiled “What I can't be a good friend? Bring you a hot drink on a cold night like this?” He said scooting a bit closer to me, I was suddenly overly aware of where my arm was placed.

Fred sat down besides me with a blue box on his lap “And we wanted to see if you could try some of our new skydiving snacks boxes.”

“And what if I die?”

“Well then we’ll miss you terribly.” Fred said placing a sad hand on my shoulder.

“I won’t let you die.Now open up.” George smiled beckoning me to open up which I did, if I were to trust anyone to hand fed me it would be against my better judgment George Weasley. His face dropped a bit and the gag snack never reached my mouth “What’s wrong with your arm?”

My face drained of color as I looked at him “Nothing. I thought you wanted me to try your parachute snacks.”

“Skydiving. Come on we’re your best mates show us.” Fred said, in a tone that was unlike his own not a hint of sarcasm and only of pure worry. A tone I’ve only heard after a particularly nasty fall Ron had while playing quidditch.

They made a fuss. Well it was mostly George that seemed a bit unhinged by the scar and Fred shifted between asking me if it hurt and telling George to calm down. It took hours, countless ‘I’m alright’s’ and a few ‘she can’t get to me that easily’s’ to calm George down enough to even begin to talk about what they had also came looking for me for.

“So here’s the plan.” Fred started, while George began wrapping my arm up with bandages he carried for this occasion however I doubted he thought he would be bandaging me up. Fred continued talking between George’s ‘are you okay?’ and ‘Are you sure it doesn't hurt?’. Even when I was all bandaged up George still held on to my arm.

“Hmmm.” I hummed once Fred finished telling me the plan.

He knew well enough to trust me with the pranks but something about me Fred thought funny to test me “Hmm?” he imitated me.

“Can you make something eat her?” I said waving my hand over the propped notebook he had in his hands.

“Like a troll?” Fred thought about it but not before looking at me with equal parts respect and as if I had completely off the rails. Nodding “Yea but made of fireworks?” I said. ‘Better make it a real one’ George murmured besides me, not only did he have a pout forming, playing around with my fingers but I was also surprised to know that at least one of them knew how to whisper.

Scratching his head Fred looked over the notebook, I wondered if they had a section dedicated to this hell I wonder if anyone but Fred could decipher the utter chicken scratch he had on there. “Blimey I know we’re brilliant but give us some room to breathe” breathing out some air Fred skimmed through the notes “What about a dragon? I reckon we can do a dragon.” Fred spoke more to himself, I doubt he meant for us to answer and I didn't even had the knowledge to answer it.

“Wait you have to take me with you guys.” I said a bit too forceful, a bit too instant and a bit too excited.

“Don’t be ridiculous you're a bloody good witch, you belong here.” George countered, startling me a he broke his silent grieving, perhaps he was afraid that the plan would back fire and they would be in for a punishment worse than writing lines.

“Screw that let’s go you can sweep around the shop.” Fred laughed ignoring his brother glares that I could feel burning the side of my face.

I wasn’t too fond of agreeing with Fred but having one of them on board was better than none “I’ll invest in your shop. I heard my parents talk about a spot in Diagon Alley, I think we can get a good price” I talked far too quickly and far too excitedly, perhaps to get ahead of them backing up on their half promise.

“An investor? You’re still going to have to clean around the shop, in a maids outfit I reckon you know for ambiance.” Fred laughed poking George shoulder when he mentioned the maids outfit, as much as I would do to make George happy I don't think I could go as far as dressing up as a maid in what I suspect is anything but a propers maid uniform.

George shook his head “We can’t take her with us Fred she can't just drop out of school l-” He said and while they argued all the time this was the first time George had been serious about it, and I finally understood the angry George he told me he said he was.

“Bite me George I’m coming with you. I wasn’t even supposed to attend this year.” I said my best trying to defuse the situation.

“Yea bite her George she’s coming with us. Wait you weren’t supposed to attend this year? What couldn't resist us?” Fred smiled flexing his arms and running his hand through his hair, an act that I’m sure nobody but himself thought of as sexy.

“My parents heard you-know-who was coming back and insisted I go somewhere else but I know Gryffindors and especially you two gits are just filled with courage and being the biggest sniffling idiots. I just had to make sure you stayed alive long enough for-”

“For?” George said interrupting me, as if the next word out of my mouth was not going to be that very explanation.

“For me to see you two again.” I said playfully bumping their shoulders, careful to mind my arm.

“Yack you’re such a sap.Come on we got things to plan” Fred said taking out parchment paper to make adjustments for their plans, George stared at me as if I had something particularly interesting on my face and for a moment I wondered if I did.

Packing up the last of the fireworks I checked and double checked we in fact were carrying hundreds of working fireworks.Snaps and crackles sounded through the hallways as Fred,George and I dropped and tossed fireworks. I held on the George because I unlike them didn't know how to ride a broom and being far too short on time to be thought how to do so.

Fire works went off below us, crashing into the room were O.W.L.S were being taken confused students and an equally confused Umbridge looked up at disbelief at us. Fireworks twisted and turned and exploded everywhere.

George and Fred highfived each other on passing as the cheers below us began getting drowned out by the deafening noise. I could hardly contain my excitement as a series of fireworks went off, shifting closer to George I looked over his shoulder waiting for the big reveal.A dragon of a hundred glowing fireworks went off as it snapped at Umbridge who was yelling trying to outrun it.

Umbridge who as I suspect could be spotted from miles away in her pink dress and pink shoes covered in black powder waved and shook her fist at us, grabbing up at the air in efforts to drag us back down.

“Give her hell from us Peeves!” The twins called out and for a moment I could’ve sworn I saw him give them a bow.

Turning my head to look at Peeves for what I suspect to be the last time, I wanted to wave goodbye to him. But I was far too off the ground and far too scared to wave instead I hopped he knew that I would despite him dropping a slug in my drink would in fact miss him very very much.

Hogwarts quickly became smaller and smaller. I see why they were considered great at quidditch I felt like I was flying through time at the probably criminal speed they were going.

“What’s the plan now Weasley?” I said looking up at him. He looked as if his face was being pulled back and I found it ridiculous that I was still in fact smitten by it.

He shrugged his shoulders yelling over the loud wind “Reckon we got to get married now don’t think you’ll get into another school.”

Nodding my head I laughed, I wasn’t sure as to what exactly was the joke or if I had laughed before the punchline but nevertheless I laughed. “I guess you’re right. You think Fred would marry me?”

“Ye- What no.Not Fred he’s a git. You should marry me” George smiled and said as if where the sanest and most normal thing anyone could say to their friend. My stunned silence made his confident smile flatten a tad as he stumbled trying to back track or perhaps he was thinking of just pushing me off the broom at this rate. “You know for business purposes we already came up with the name and I’d feel awful not including you.” He reasoned with me, if this was his idea of reasonable I was extremely worried about what he thought as unreasonable.

“Merlin Weasley at least take me on a date before you try marrying me.” My words came out shaky and I could feel my heart pounding, I wonder if George could feel it pounding against his back.

“I can do that.” He said turning to briefly face me, perhaps I’ve died and gone to heaven or perhaps I have misunderstood this situation.

“Finally for fucks sake.” Fred scoffed from above us, I knew I was in fact very much alive because Fred would not be in my idea of heaven humming disco songs as he rode his broom.

#Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #george weasley #george weasley x slytherin!reader #george weasley x y/n #george weasley x reader #george weasley imagine #fred weasley imagine #Fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley x reader

494 notes · View notes

masterwords · 4 years ago

Text

Seven Lonely Days

Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi

Warnings: Just fluffy. Turn away if you don’t like fluff.

Genre: Criminal Minds

Notes: After writing some heavy stuff lately, I just wanted to write something cute and sweet. Sick fics are always a winner for sweet.

It began with a phone call from Emily Prentiss at 10am on a Thursday morning. Dave was in New Jersey consulting on a case with Reid while the rest of the team was at home. They were all set to fly back home and were just sitting around on the jet waiting for take off.

“I'm sorry to bug you, Dave, but I did something bad...” she began, and he sighed. His mind ran through all of the things she could have done. It was Emily, though, and the list was endless. “I came to work with a cold on Friday. I had too much to do without you and Reid here, so it's basically your fault really. Anyway, on Tuesday, Hotch started looking a little extra tired...you know, his eye bags were packed and ready to go on a two week vacation...”

“Did you get him sick, Emily?” Dave asked, cocking an eyebrow. Silence followed, guilty silence.

“I said it was your fault. No one was here to stop me. I think I sneezed on him...maybe...I don’t remember.”

“Emily,” Dave muttered, shaking his head. “Why?”

“I haven't even told you the worst part. The part that's REALLY your fault.”

“He hasn't even called me...”

“Well, yeah, about that...he can't. I mean I guess he could have texted, but he's probably just hoping he can figure out a way to make it go away by the time you guys get back...anyway, he can't talk. I made him lose his voice. I mean its totally gone. It's really been nice but I knew you'd be mad that I broke him and didn't tell you.”

Dave sighed. This wasn't the first time Hotch had lost his voice. A school aged child lived in their home, forever bringing home an assortment of bacteria and viruses and handing them to the two men on a silver platter. It was rare that Dave caught much of anything, which he claimed was due to his Italian genes or how mean he was, but Hotch got the brunt of it. Jack's kindergarten year had been particularly high on the nightmare illness scale, involving pink eye, strep throat and an ominous stomach virus that seemed to make the rounds and repeat forever. First grade had, so far, been mostly just stuffy noses and an occasional fever for the boy that never amounted to anything for anyone else. Leave it to Emily Prentiss to spread something when a child falls short.

“Emily, is he sick?”

“Oh yeah. Totally. He's asleep on his desk right now. Been like that for hours now. We're just gonna leave him there until you guys get in...”

“We aren't even in the air yet,” Dave said, hoping she would read the tone of his voice. She didn't. Or she ignored it.

“Garcia has been checking on him, it's fine. I boxed up his files for you, since I figure you'll just take care of all of...that...for him. I've got his voicemails and emails, that's going really well. We've got things covered.”

From the sound of it, Dave knew things were in fact not going well, but there wasn't anything he could do. He was okay with them letting Aaron sleep, but he was worried about the messes they were making for him. When the cat's away, he thought. A few minutes of banter later and he had to say goodbye, the plane was ready to take off. Reid had been listening to the entire conversation and he just grinned.

“Glad I wasn't there...” he muttered. Dave smiled. Of course, what Reid meant was that he didn't want to get sick, but Dave also thought he probably meant he didn't want to be around either Emily or Aaron when they were sick – neither of them was very nice when they didn't feel well. Emily was the worst. She was sharp and sarcastic, she loved to make mean jokes and often they were aimed at Reid...with love, of course. Aaron just got dark, he brooded a lot, got somehow quieter if that was even possible but Reid knew that it was more a show than anything – he was a softy. The way he lit up when Garcia would dote on him, even if he told her repeatedly to stop, was a dead giveaway.

“You and me both, kid,' Dave muttered, leaning back in his seat. He looked at his phone and pulled up the last message from Aaron, it was simply a sweet goodnight message from the night prior. No mention of not feeling well. He considered texting Aaron but was afraid of waking him so he just turned it off and slid it back into his pocket.

The plane ride back was short and fun, the two of them had engaged in an amusing game of Hearts, because Reid didn't care for poker and Rossi didn't like chess. They'd left the option for Go Fish on the table if Hearts hadn't worked out – anything to pass the time. By the time they'd reached Quantico, they were in a dead heat with games won and lost, swearing for a rematch in the near future. When they entered the building it was quiet, everyone either hard at work or out at lunch. The two men were greeted with cheerful smiles and hugs, most of which they returned...except for Emily, she was greeted with a sideways glare from Dave and an elbow bump followed by hand sanitizer from Reid.

“He still sleeping?” Dave asked, brushing past her toward the stairs. She nodded and shrugged.

“Snoring. We had to close his door,” Emily said, smiling. Morgan chuckled, but collected himself quickly until he saw Dave shake his head and smile – then he let the rest of the laugh out. Reid had already begun wiping his desk down with bleach wipes, starting with his phone and chair, not paying attention to what anyone was saying. Emily leaned over and whispered into Reid’s ear, grinning wildly.

“I licked it all,” she said before rushing away for more coffee.

“You're all rotten. You should be ashamed of yourselves,” Dave said quietly, shaking his head. They wore business clothes, pressed and polished, but they were all just overgrown children.

He ascended the stairs quickly, making a stop at his office to deposit his bag and the case files they'd taken with them. His office smelled stale and dusty after nearly a week of not being used, and he'd locked the door so even housekeeping wouldn't go in while he wasn't around so before heading to Aaron's office he opened the door wide and turned on the fan he kept in his desk drawer. Being as high up as they were, and having so many windows, it got very hot in his office, he used his fan often even in winter. Once he felt good about his space, he slipped out quietly and down the hall to his partner's office, peeking in through the slivers between the blinds. Aaron was hunched over at his desk, arms folded, head nestled down inside the crooks of his arms. There was a blanket sprawled over his shoulders and a mug beside him, Penelope's doing no doubt. He entered quietly and closed the door behind him before approaching the desk. He placed his hand on Aaron's back, softly between his shoulders, feeling his partner's shallow, ragged breaths.

“Aaron?” he asked quietly, letting his hand trail up onto the man's neck, it was clammy and warm, hair matted with sweat at the nape. He felt Aaron stir beneath him. “I'm home.”

Aaron rolled his shoulders first, then turned his head, his eyes slivers squinting into the dim light of the room, clearly disoriented. He opened his mouth to say something, mouthed Dave's name but what came out was hardly more than the ghost of a voice and followed by a wince and a hard swallow. A cough came next, and another wince. His features were pale, dark circles under his eyes like the sleep on his desk has been his only sleep the entire week and Dave was pretty sure that was the case.

“Emily did this to you,” he muttered and Aaron nodded, running a hand through his messy mop of hair that needed a trim. “Let's get you home.”

Aaron tried to speak, tried to say he had too much to do, but the sound that came out was like something out of a horror film, like razor blades and daggers, zombie feet scraping along the ground, and Dave just shook his head.

“You need to go home before you get someone else sick. Don't be like Emily.” There, that was it. Dave had him up and out of his chair fast with that one. Guilt could do wonders. They packed up their things quickly and made their way out of the building without much to do, everyone had already known it was going to happen. Dave left both of their offices open intentionally, his to be dusted top to bottom, and Aaron's with a little post it note on the door that said to use a lot of bleach and wear gloves.

At home, everything was still and silent and very, very clean, proving Dave correct in assuming that Aaron hadn’t been sleeping in his absence. Jessica had taken Jack to visit cousins at the coast for spring break, which was nearing its end, and Dave knew his job was to just get Aaron healthy enough not to infect Jack when he returned in a few days. The last thing they needed was to be the family that brought the first real illness into Jack's classroom. Without missing a beat, Dave hopped up the stairs and began running a hot shower while Aaron moped up the stairs behind him. By the time he'd made it to the bathroom, Dave was ready for him with all of the things that made him feel better – a tub of Vicks that was probably a decade old (stored in the back corner of the cupboard), Tylenol and a hot steamy bathroom. He left Aaron to get himself settled and began unpacking his bags, throwing in a load of laundry and pouring a glass of wine while he milled around the house, inspecting all of the nooks and crannies that Aaron had organized and cleaned. A week spent alone and even though he’d probably worked more hours at the office than usual, he’d still managed to knock out much of his to do list as well. It was so quiet without Jack. At first, it had been overwhelming, going from living single to life with another adult and a small child and he'd been on edge a lot, retreating to the silence of his den often. Now, he didn't know how he ever lived without the sounds of these people. He sat himself in his favorite chair and sipped his wine, thumbing through his mail absentmindedly, waiting for Aaron to come padding down the hall after his shower. It was a dance, taking care of Aaron, knowing when to lead and when to follow. He wouldn't run his own shower, he'd hold out, pretending he didn't need it, but if you ran it for him he couldn't stay away. That was where you lead. Then you waited, waited for him to do his thing, because he needed the time to himself, to sit in silence and be alone with his thoughts and his aches. Sometimes he'd read a book, or listen to sad old country music, or just be silent and fall asleep in the tub depending on how sick he was. Tonight, it was Patsy Cline – he was sick, but he wasn't dying. It was a good sign. Dave settled into his chair and waited, enjoying the simplicity of being back at home, not stuffed into a hotel room next door to Reid. The two of them had enjoyed each other's company, but were absolutely ready to be on their own by the end of each day.

His phone rang as he sat in his silence, and he considered not answering it but it was Emily and it could have been important, though he was fairly sure it wasn't.

“Rossi,” he began, leaning his head back against the cushion and taking a long gulp. A glass of wine in the afternoon, when he should have been at work – life had few pleasures as indulgent as this. He intended to soak it up.

“Okay, don't be mad at me but I might have done something...bad...” she began and he sighed, the deep sigh of the long suffering.

“Haven't you done enough?” he asked, rolling his eyes. He heard the shower shut off, but Patsy was still crooning away.

“Hey. This was your fault, remember? You should never have left. Anyway, I might have said something I shouldn't have to someone...important. Just a little thing. I think I said something to the effect of telling him to fuck off with his bureaucratic bullshit, I’m not sure though, I blacked out. I think Hotch might be in trouble...I just saw an email come through that's pretty strongly worded recommending disciplinary action with a thinly veiled threat attached. Should I just delete the email or....?”

“No, you idiot, don't delete it. He'll take care of it when he can talk,” Dave said calmly, secretly thinking to himself that she deserved a pat on the back. He probably would have said the same thing, maybe just without the profanity attached. “I've got to go, I hear him coming down the hall. Stop answering his voicemails, no more phone calls for you, let them be. You're not qualified.”

“That's what I told Morgan! I blame him.”

“Goodbye Emily,” Dave said, clicking the phone off just in time to see Aaron shuffle into the den, in pajamas and a robe, big wool socks and wet hair. He regarded the other chair with a sour face before dropping to his knees in front of Dave's chair, leaning his head on the other man's lap like a sad dog. Dave tangled his fingers in Aaron's wet hair, twisting it in circles and patting it back down mindlessly.

“I go out walking...after midnight...” Dave began, singing softly, losing himself in the twirling of Aaron's hair and the warm feeling of wine on an empty stomach. “Out in the moonlight...just like we used to, I'm always walking...after midnight...searching for you...” He'd heard Aaron listening to Patsy and it had settled into his brain, sweetly, somberly there. He listened to Aaron's shallow breathing, the little coughs he tried to stifle because they burned his throat terribly. He turned his eyes up at Dave as he sang, smiling sweetly, his eyes tired and blinking slowly. He wanted to tell Dave he was glad to see him, glad he was home, that he'd missed him, but he had to settle for just a silent smile. Dave kept singing, softly, and Aaron watched him, letting himself drift away on the sound of his lover's voice. He missed Dave so much. After being alone all week, spending half of it feeling like garbage, all he wanted was to have Dave beside him, forcing him to take care of himself instead of indulging in his self-destructive tendencies. He was convinced that his team was starting fires left and right without him there, but he didn't worry too much about putting them out, there would be plenty of time for that. After all, how much trouble could they get into in an afternoon?

#criminal minds #fluff #sick fic #aaron hotchner #david rossi #spencer reid #emily prentiss #fluffy sick fic #hotch x rossi #hotchxrossi #hossi #hotch is so cute when he's sick i can't even deal #like a sad puppy #i live for protective rossi

57 notes · View notes

wienerbarnes · 4 years ago

Text

Stressor

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 2,622

Warnings: murder lol, mentions of gore/blood, mentions of rape (its described in like two sentences and theres a short non-graphic flashback, but pls pls pls message me if you dont wanna read and ill give u a sparknotes version), so theres angst but also some nice parts like bucky meditating okay

A/N: wrote this while procrastinating my art commissions but i bought my first laptop BY MYSELF after saving for months and im v excited :) lmk what yall think of this, i promise next part will be goofier/happier lol

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

“Shit… Fuck… Fuck! He’s gonna fucking kill me… fuck…”

The mumbles spill from your lips as you take in the scene in front of you. Puddles and puddles of blood covered the floor of your apartment, dirtying your beige tile and all the other surfaces with splatters. David lays in the middle, with about thirty-six stab wounds in his body.

When you and Bucky started the arrangement regarding your list, there were two rules you two agreed to follow - no matter what. First rule: Kills are never completed alone. You two are to complete the list together and help each other with everything that involves the person. Second rule: Bucky is to know everything about the person they’re killing. What they did to you, their name, their remaining family, where they live, what they eat for breakfast; everything.

And here you were breaking both of those rules.

It was too good of an opportunity, you try and convince yourself. Bucky will understand, he’s always so understanding, he never yells, he’s always so nice to you; a choked sob escaped your body as your dirty hands fly to cover your face, tears flowing down your cheeks mixing with the blood now smeared across your skin.

…

TWO HOURS EARLIER

Bucky always told you to be extremely cautious when leaving the apartment. Even though it had been well over a year, almost two, since your prison escape, you never knew who could be watching. Every few weeks or so, your name pops up in the news, Whatever happened to one of the worst killers in modern history, How did she pull off such an escape from such a high security facility, Is she even still alive, etc.

But as soon as your name appears, it vanishes once more, replaced by some other injustice happening in the world.

Your feet take you inside a small bar, the musky scent intrigues you along with the copious amounts of peanut shells littering the floor. You take a seat on the stool and try not to pay attention to the fact that every single person in the room is staring at you right now. But you can’t blame them; you’ve dyed your hair a pastel pink now, body covered in baggy jeans and baby blue long-sleeved milkmaid top, a gift from Bucky. “You can’t wear that one t-shirt, that’s mine, by the way, forever.” He’d told you. Your rainbow painted toes and fingernails stand out under the dimmed lights of the place.

An older man behind the bar approaches you and places a napkin in front of you, “What can I get ya’?” You order some beer plastered on the wall because as far as you know, you’ve never even tried alcohol before, let alone know enough about it to have any kind of preference.

You take sips of the beer for a while, aimlessly watching the sports game playing on the TV, every once in a while glancing at the pool table where a group of older men play a game together. Suddenly, the stool beside you becomes occupied. You know it’s not Bucky, he doesn’t know you’re here and it’s not his cologne, but for a second you were hoping it was. A parallel to when you sat with him in that cafe all that time ago. When he bought you that apple pie and hot chocolate. I miss him…

You refuse to look over at the man sitting next to you, but you can feel his eyes blatantly staring at you.

“So… what’s your name?” He breaks the silence and asks you. You don’t respond, simply just continue sipping away at your beer.

“My name is David.” He offers. A chill runs up your spine at the name and you look over at him. He looks so familiar… Where do I know him from? Have I seen him at the food market before? Is he Hydra? Did we go to school together? Were we in the Marines-

“Hey officer,” A deep voice curls into your ear, causing a chill to run up your spine.

“Fuck off, David. I’m trying to do my hair.” You don’t bother glancing at him in the mirror as you scoop more gel into your hands and smooth it onto the top of your head. You’ve let your hair grow to long and the strands keep sticking out of the bun, but the thought of asking any of the other women, or worse - the men, for help cutting it terrifies you. You’re still too new.

“Now, is that any way to talk to your higher up?” A large hand wraps around your middle and gropes your breast.

“I said fuck off.” A pointy elbow slams back into his chest, knocking the wind out of him.

“I’ll get you for that, just you wait. Fresh meat.”

Your body runs cold as you make the connection and you feel as though your entire body has shut down. You can feel the cold sweat gathering in your palms and your lower back. A lump forms in your throat and you want to cry; you want to scream. But something takes over, and although you feel terrified, you keep yourself composed; hide your anxiety.

“Do you want to get out of here? My place is only a few blocks away.” You ask, false sultriness dripping from your voice. David smirks at you, clearly not recognizing you from nearly a decade ago.

He takes out some cash and places it on the bar, grabbing your beer from your hands and placing it on top, grabbing your hands after and leading you out of the bar.

…

Bucky sits on the floor of his living room, practicing his twenty minutes of meditation before bed. Alpine rubs her cheek against the bare top of his foot that’s crossed under his knee, but eventually gets bored before trotting around behind him to start climbing her way up his back. Bucky tries his best to ignore her tiny nails digging through his shirt, but can’t help but chuckle as she makes herself comfortable in the curve of his neck. “Guess meditation time is over, huh baby?” He whispers before gathering her in his hands and plopping her on his bed. He reaches down to roll up his yoga mat when he hears a silent buzzing from his kitchen.

Confused on who would be calling him this late, knowing that Sharon’s visiting a college friend over in SoHo and Sam’s on a date, he sees a number he doesn’t recognize flash on the screen. Bucky hesitates answering, but he knows telemarketers rarely call this late.

“Hello?” Bucky answers.

“B-Bucky?” Your shaky voice sounds on the other end. The sound is watery and raspy, like you've been sobbing your eyes out and screaming for hours.

“Bucky, I-I-I need y-your help… I fucked up,” Your voice is cut off by a hiccup as Bucky goes to grab his closest pair of pants to go over his boxers and he pulls on sneakers before grabbing the keys to his bike.

“Hey, sweetheart? Do me a favor and relax, okay? Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Bucky rushes out as he locks his door behind him before making his way to the staircase.

“I’m so so so sorry, Bucky… please don’t be mad at me-e… I broke t-the rules,” Choked sobs escape you and Bucky has never heard you cry like that before.

“Listen, I’m already on my way, okay? I’ll be at yours in twenty minutes, okay?” You don’t respond as Bucky listens to your crying and you eventually hang up.

Broke the rules? What does she mean by… oh. She couldn’t have… we had our next hit planned for a few days from now. Did she do someone else on the list? Bucky tries not to think too much about it until he can get to yours and figure out what’s going on, his motorcycle screaming through the quiet night.

…

You’ve been sitting in David’s blood for about an hour now. The liquid is cold, his body is cold, the phone in your hand is cold. Nice going, you’ve really done it now. Not only have you probably just cost yourself your freedom, but you’ve ruined your jeans and the top Bucky bought you. He’s going to be so mad at you; he’s going to be so mad that he’s going to have no choice but to bring you in. He’ll be laughing as the cops drag you away-

Your thoughts are interrupted by a frantic knock on your door, Bucky’s voice calling your name on the other side.

“If you don’t open the door, I’m breaking it down!” He calls.

You slowly stand, trying not to slip in the puddle, before walking over to the door and opening it about halfway. Bucky’s eyes widen and his brows furrowed together as he looks your body up and down.

The blood on your clothes is starting to brown and you’re covered up to your forearms in blood. Splatters decorate your face, neck and hair, and your eyes are puffy from crying.

“I-I-” You begin to stutter. Bucky silently pushes his way inside to see the bloodbath waiting for him. He pushes the door closed behind him and stares at the body laying in the middle of the floor. Your knife still sits standing out of his face.

“Who the fuck is that?”

“Bu-Bucky- I can,”

“What, you-you can explain?!” Bucky snaps, turning to face you, and you’ve never seen him look at you like this. You flinch and take a half-step backwards, bumping into the door behind you.

Bucky turns back around, a flesh and silver hand running through his hair and roughly over his face.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” He begins, voice eerily even, still staring at the body. “You're going to go shower and wash all of the blood off your body. Then you’re going to make sure this apartment is spotless. I’ll take care of… him. And then we’ll talk when I get back. Are we understood?”

You can’t seem to make any words come out so you quickly make your way to your bathroom and close the door behind you softly.

You shower until the water runs cold and your skin is tinted red. Either from the blood or how hard you were scrubbing, you’re not sure, you just didn’t want Bucky to still be in your apartment when you stepped out.

It’s not that you were scared of him, because you weren’t. You knew that Bucky would never intentionally harm you, both physically or mentally. You were more angry at yourself. Bucky's done nothing but protect you; he’s kept you a secret, helped you indirectly work through your trauma, stitched you up, made you smile and laugh when you didn’t even think that was ever going to be possible for you anymore. You broke the only rules he asked of you. You disappointed him. You’ve put him in an even worse position than he’s already in by protecting your existence.

You turn the knob of the water to the right before stepping out and wrapping your fluffy yellow robe around your body, tying it at the waist. Your apartment is empty when you step out of the bathroom, Bucky nor David occupying the space. Your walk over to your sink and open the cabinet on the bottom to take out your cleaning supplies before getting to work.

…

Bucky’s calmed down significantly by the time he gets back to your apartment. He checks his phone to see that it’s almost five in the morning before reaching in his other pocket for your keys that he took off the table, slipping the key into the lock and jiggling it until pushing the door open.

He’s not mad at you. Perhaps he was for a bit, but he realized that anger was just fear. Had anyone seen you? Did this guy do something to you? Did he recognize you and that’s why you needed to kill him? Did you kill him because you actually wanted to experience that again? He really hoped it wasn’t the last one.

You're sitting on your bed in the corner of the apartment, splatters still visible on the sheets but the floors are clean. The room doesn’t have an overpowering smell of bleach or cleaner, but there is no trace of a body here, besides the small splatters, but those can be passed off as splashes of wine. You did good.

Your feet are stretched out in front of your as your hands are planted behind your back, propping you up. Your yellow robe is tied around your waist but the edges sit high up on your thighs.

He sets your keys on your table, kicks off his shoes, and walks over to take a seat next to you.

“Did you know I was a Marine before all of this? When I was, like, eighteen?” You break the silence, still staring at the wall in front of you.

“Yes.”

“The guy was my unit chief. He raped me twice during my first week there.”

Bucky remains quiet as you explain, watching your face and it’s calm expression. You hesitate, opening and closing your mouth before opening it once more to continue.

“I went to some bar tonight and he hit on me. He didn’t recognize me, and… I don’t know. I thought I’d scare him or something, remind him what he’d done. But then he was here and he kept trying to feel me up even though I’d push him away. I didn’t have a plan yet. And then he snapped at me and then I snapped back…” You trailed off.

“After I realized what happened, I panicked and I used his phone to call you.”

“I’m really sorry, Bucky.” You say, softer now. You bring your legs up to your chest, wrapping your arms around your shins.

“Okay. I forgive you.” Bucky responds after a moment.

The two of you sit in silence next to each other on the thin sheets. You’re staring at the passing cars out the window. He’s staring at your plant that’s sitting on the small night stand next to your mattress. You’ve changed out the silver tin it was sitting in to a light blue one covered in green polka dots.

You tilt your head to meet his eyes and look away briefly before meeting them again.

“Can… Can I have a hug, Bucky?” You ask, with the smallest voice in the world, your sentence ending in a small crack.

Bucky doesn’t answer and instead scoots closer to you, wrapping his arms around your body and pulling you onto his lap, your thighs on either side of him, chests touching. His left arm wraps around your back and drags slowly up and down while his right hand rests on the back of your head, softly scratching through your still damp hair. Your hands are tucked close between both your chests and your breath fans softly against his neck where your head is tucked into. He silently breathes in your scent, the children’s strawberry soap you use mixed with a homey, warm small that’s just you. He watches out the window as the sky turns from a dark blue to a deep orange; it should be about five-thirty right about now and the morning traffic is about to start.

“There’s a ton of white cat hair on your shoulder, Buck.” He hears you whisper against him, voice slurring a bit with drowsiness, the last bits of adrenaline wearing off.

He smiles to himself and holds you until you're fast asleep, and then stays for a while after that, too.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanficiton #bucky x criminal!reader #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes series

148 notes · View notes

pigeonxp · 4 years ago

Text

YGCMA songs and how they relate to c!Wilbur based off of yesterday’s lore (in my biased opinion)

This is so dumb and i literally don’t care. I can’t think about anything else other than doing this synopsis even tho like 28480329204 other people are going to do it. idc.

(I listened to the songs earlier, and i’m also listening to them as i write the opinions. these are basically just my thoughts while listening tbh. im also not doing the full song, just some things i feel relate within each song)

- Jubilee Line

the lines at the beginning of the song, “hate to see you leaving / a fate worse than dying” could relate to how wilbur feels after tommy gets pulled back into the overworld. or, he could be referencing L’Manburg and how he hates to see his country leaving him (ouch).

then we have the lines “your city gave me asthma / so thats why im fucking leaving / and your water gave me cancer / and the pavements hurt my feelings”. This could be in relation to L’Manburg as a whole. He put everything he had into L’Manburg and it only ended up hurting him in the end. yikes.

now we have “shout at the wall / ‘cause the walls dont fucking love you” repeated. This could be in reference to when he said he was fucking kicking and screaming to get out of the train station. hes screaming and he doesnt care because it doesnt matter to him. it doesnt love him just like how the people of L’Manburg didnt love him. wilbur get therapy challenge.

so based on the lore from yesterday, we know that c!wilbur’s limbo was a train station (props to fanartists. i love you.), presumably the YCGMA album cover type deal. when he sings “Theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the tube line / theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the rails” repeated. if the train station looks like how they do on the album cover, there could be barriers where he is. maybe hes trying his best to just kill himself over again by jumping onto the tracks. just in an attempt to escape. jfc

“theres a reason they fail”. he was still in the train station, wasnt he?

- Saline Solution

for this one, i feel like hes pretty far into the void and regretting his decision to have phil kill him. hes tired of being in a fucking train station for years on end.

“i think this time im dying / im not melodramatic / im just pragmatic beyond any / reasoning for thinking ive got / fuckin rabies or something.” hes so fucking sick of being in this goddamn train station and he thinks hes dying. hes so pent up and sick of being there, maybe hes just in so much pain that he feels like hes dying. if hes been there for a while, hes probably bound to go crazy at some point, hence the “pragmatic beyond any reasoning.”

“I think ive lost my mind / blurring the fact and the fictions” this feels like he really does believe hes going crazy and is mixing up the things he really knows and the things his mind is creating for him. maybe this is when tommy first arrived and he cant tell if he real or not (thats a stretch but i figured id share it anyway.)

“I think ive made my choice / im a deceased playing victim / slip the face, slip the victory” he quite literally says that hes a deceased playing victim. hes literally saying hes dead HAHHAHAH anyway. maybe hes blaming himself again, because us c!wilbur apologists all know that hes very good at doing that.

“Sit secluded in hatred /.../” hes sitting in a fucking train station for god knows how long beating himself up over and over again and just hating himself. hes all alone. with himself. someone he fucking loathes.

this is honestly all i have for Saline Solution, but i will definitely add more later if i get different theories.

- Since I Saw Vienna

This is my favorite song on the album and my comfort song so that could factor into this bit ahaha

im going to skip through this one a little bit and go to the line “The roads are my home, horizons my target / if i keep on moving, never lose sight of it / treating my memory of you like a fire, let it / burn out, don’t fight it, try to move on” this sounds like hes reminiscing on his home in L’Manburg and his presidency was something he relied on and he would fight to get it back, but now that hes dead and said that it should remain that way that he should just let it go. trying to move on from his symphony, forever unfinished.

“its been sixty weeks since i saw vienna / a bandage and a wide smile slapped across my face / ill pick up my hiking boots when i am ready / and ill put down my roots when im dead.” THESE LINES FUCK ME UP IN GENERAL BUT HOW THEY RELATE TO C!WILBUR RN IS JUST SUIBHYSBUSHDXNSKJDNHBD YK???? in the context that vienna is L’Manburg and he died, its saying that its been a long ass time since hes seen it and hes faking being okay about his death. he misses it but doesnt want to admit it. the picking up the hiking boots when hes ready is him moving on from his L’Manburg, and putting his roots down when hes dead is finally being okay with not living there/being an important part of it. he believed his death was the best for the people in L’Manburg and L’Manburg itself. it seems like hes still trying to convince himself.

“Ill be gone then, for when you must be alone.” hes gone. hes dead. hes in the train station. he left the L’Manburgians alone and hes alone in his limbo. man.

- Losing Face

this song is angry. hes so fucking angry. my thoughts are that this is about the following presidents after him. he feels like the L’Manburgians were happier without him and im pretty sure he believed that even when Schlatt was president. this is so evident in the lyric “Is he better than me?” Hes literally asking if the other presidents were better than he was. he doesnt believe he did everything he could to be the best president, even though we all know that he gave everything that he was into that country and then some. he broke himself for the L’Manburg but he doesnt believe hes enough. sheesh.

“Ive seen him / ive been him / ive felt the same way” even though he cant see the new presidents being president, he knows what its like. he knows that they might break under the pressure. hes been there. he knows how if feels. yikes.

“Ive lost all meaning / ive lost my sense of hope” this feels like when he was nearing the end of L’Manburg when he blew it up, and that he feels like trying to win it back is pointless. he has no hope for it anymore, so why not give up? his mental state is already shit yk so i cant really blame him for feeling that way.

“i dont care / i want you here / as long as youre happy, i dont care” this line. this fucking line. hes lost hope in being president, but he doesnt care. he just wants the L’Manburgians to be happy. that was his whole thought process while he was president. he didnt matter to himself, he just wanted them to be happy. he sacrificed his mental state for them. cries in wilbur apologist.

- Your Sister Was Right

this is my second favorite song on the album i think HAHAHAH

anyway

“I use everyone i ever meet / i cant find the perfect match / abuse those i love / while i ostracize the ones who love me / back.” wowie wow wow fucking ouchie. He feels like he uses his friends. this whole thing is a projection of his shit ass mental state rn fucking hell. he feels like hes abusive. thats what everyones been telling him. they tell him he was awful and a shit president and all that jazz even though hes been killing himself trying to be the best for them but its still not enough (pigeon projecting? more likely than you think)

“every time that i miss you / i feel the way you hurt / and i dont deserve you / you deserve the world / though it feels like we were built / from the same dirt.” man. hes dead lol. he misses the L’Manburgians. not only were they his supporters, but they were all his friends too. every time he misses his friends he feels their pain of when he first blew up L’Manburg. he feels like because he caused them all pain that they dont like him and that they never liked him and that he is undeserving of their friendship. he still wants to be friends with them. he still loves them. he still wants the best for them. he thinks theyre so much better than him even though they all created L’Manburg together. in reality they are all the same, but their actions impact each other and he feels that his actions make him worse than them or less than. fuckisonmdfnpbhife

“and i hate to say it / but your sister was right / dont trust english boys / with far too much free time” sister is dream mayhaps. fuckngeionsfjg that hurt sorry uhhh anyway yeah sister is dream?? he did say that wilbur would be a shit president and he believes that hes a shit president so he thinks they were all right about him being a shit president fbhjebinfnejg. maybe sister is just everyone who didnt believe in wilbur. man....

“a fucking waste of time” do i even need to explain this one? he fr doesnt belive hes worth it anymore and that hes literally a waste of time. hjkfbhnfve

- La Jolla

this one feels pretty far into train station limbo to me as well. namely from “and im lonely / there i said it” this could either be him being lonely as president and feeling like he doesnt have anyone to talk to really because hes too busy trying to hold himself together for everyone. either that or hes lonely in the station and didnt want to admit it because this is what he wanted. he wanted to die. he wanted to be dead because he believed thats what everyone else wanted and he just wanted the best for them.

“i could go away / i could pack my things and be gone before you wake” he could leave if they asked him to. he would do anything for them.

“you know ive tried hard to love me too / it always seems to fall in, through” this line already physically pained me but now it hurts even more having to relate it to a character i love. we already know that his mental state was declining as his presidency continued, but this would confirm that hes just trying to love himself even though he can never seem to get it right.

“my own personal sunset” this is just the ‘this is my sunrise’ line but different. my man misses the sun. fuck.

- I’m Sorry Boris

this song is almost definitely from a long ass time in the limbo.

“and im sorry / but, boris / im leaving / im not good for anyone here” boris represents L’Manburgians!! hes talking about how hes leaving the world by planning on killing himself. fuck.

“we reached the end of a decade” mans been dead for a decade. sheesh.

he then goes on to say that he cant believe hes leaving, he doesnt think he wants to leave them, but he thinks its whats best for them.

he talks about how they do all of these bullshit things before helping you and i know its in reference to london but for the sake of my sanity its about the presidency role and how it will fuck you up before bothering to help you not want to kill yourself.

should i do a separate post about how i visualized it/about how i thought about the song in paragraph form like a lowkey explanation? idk how to explain it but in this one i wanted to just cover some of the lyrics of the songs and my thoughts on them. i think c!wilbur wrote these in the limbo after he died. i know this is also shit and Not Good, but i really just needed to get my thoughts out before it killed me. i also didnt reread this. its probably repetitive and shit yk. i do Not Care. id also love to hear thoughts on this if yall want to. if you made it this far i love you please hydrate and eat today and youre so sexy ahaha

“and even though im finished / im not quite done with it” even though hes finishing his symphony by blowing it up, hes now realizing he wished he hadnt blown it up and that he hadnt killed himself. man.

#tw death #tw suicide #wilbur soot #ycgma #dream smp #tommyinnit #dream #c!wilbur #fuck i love this album

10 notes · View notes

haikyuuwaifu · 4 years ago

Text

Broken Promise

MASTERLIST

A/N: this is a little extra excerpt. PART VI: is open interpretation, but this is also how it could have ended

Thanks so much for reading it!

Warnings: Angst, alcohol intoxication, slight alcoholism

Genre: Fluff, Angst

EXTRA:

That day in the shop was a new beginning for you and Akaashi. Bokuto was so happy to see his old friend, that he started bringing him around more. You were older now and happily married to the man of your dreams. You and Akaashi both decided you could at least acknowledge the others presence. And acknowledge you did.

Your families were ecstatic that you two were talking again after so long. Weekly dinners now included Akaashi and his family. It was almost like nothing had changed after all. Akaashi could almost pretend that everything was the same as before. When he showed up to your parents with a bouquet of roses he was sure things could return to normal, it would only take a little time. He knocked and waited patiently for you to greet him, only to be met with the face of your husband's twin. He was surprised that Atsumu was there, and did a poor job concealing it. “Just because Samu closes the shop on Sunday’s, don’t mean I ain’t invited to family dinner.” Atsumu declared, eyeing him up and down.. “I am family afterall...she doesn’t like roses by the way...makes her skin breakout in hives.” he smirks, opening the door wider and leaving him out to let himself in. Akaashi leaves the flowers and steps inside sliding his shoes off. He can hear you talking to someone in the living room. Making his way inside he bows to your parents and then his own. Turning to greet you he sees you stroking your slight baby bump talking to Omi-omi about the differences in sanitization in a hospital versus a home birth. Atsumu sidles up to you, dropping a peck to your forehead before informing you that your husband would be along shortly. Akaashi takes note of the fact that both men sit on each side of you leaving no room for him to attempt a chance at one on one conversation.

When dinner was plated and everyone was seated the front door opened and you heard your husband call out his greeting. You jumped to your feet shuffling to the entryway to greet him properly. “Evening princess, these...are for you.” he grins kissing you softly as he slides the lilies in your hands. You blush softly and thank him; tugging him into the dining room. “Sit down, ill make you a plate; Akaashi-san was just telling everyone about ideas for his next big book.” you say making your way to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase. “I don’t have much left to say on the topic...was it busy at the shop today Miya-san?” Akaashi asked, changing the subject abruptly. That first dinner and the many dinners following Akaashi had to sit and watch as you doted and loved a man that wasn’t him. He watched as your belly grew and you glowed with your pregnancy. Watching this man live the life that was meant for him did something to Akaashi. It made him feel things he didn’t think he would ever be capable of feeling. It was never a part of his plan afterall, and Akaashi always stuck with his plan.

If anyone had asked Akaashi when the drinking started, he would probably tell them it started the night of the dinner. On his way home, he had stopped by the closest liquor store and bought a bottle. He was never much of a drinker, but he couldn’t seem to get his mind to stop wandering. All he could think about was what it would have been like if he were your husband. What it would have felt like holding your hand over your growing belly. If the baby would look more like him or more like you. And everytime he saw you after that night, it was all he could think about. Instead of fixing his growing alcohol problem, he chose to hide it. Akaashi had always been good at hiding his emotions. He managed to fool you into thinking Michi wasn’t a threat after all, so no one ever suspected that he would sit at home and drink himself stupid after every interaction he had with you. They had no clue he would sit at home and stare at old pictures of the two of you. Thinking of what should have been. They had no idea that as your pregnancy continued on, all he could think about was him being the one you need. NOT the man that stole you away from him.

Around your eighth month Osamu had to take a business trip to scope out a potential location in Hokkaido. He didn’t want to leave you, but you knew it was important for him to go; so you helped pack and assured him that you would be perfectly fine. Bokuto and Akaashi met up at the front of the shop for lunch to see you closing. “Why are you closing so early [name]-chan?” Bokuto asked, confused. You laughed softly, “Osamu is out of town for the next couple days, so I shut everything down until he comes back…he doesn’t want me working too much now that I’m close.” you answer by tugging the door to ensure it’s locked tightly. “You can grab lunch with me and Akaashi!” Bokuto shouts excitedly tugging at your arm. “I would love to go Bo-chan, but I have to go meet up with my mom for my appointment.” you chide taking your hand and placing it down to your side. “We’ll walk you to the station.” Akaashi states, “It wouldn’t do good for a woman in your condition to roam around on your own.” You simply nodded and started waddling in the direction of the train station. Akaashi could only watch you plan unfolding in the back of his mind.

That evening you had fallen asleep on the couch almost immediately after facetiming your husband. It had been a long day for you following the doctor’s appointment. Sleeping soundly you didn’t hear the first few knocks on your door. The light knocking turned to harsh banging that startled you awake. Flipping the entry-way light on you made your way to the door bleary eyed swiftly tugging it open. What you did not expect was a severely drunk Akaashi hunched over your front stoop. “Akaashi-san…what are you doing here, it’s…it’s 1 in the morning?” you asked slightly pissed off. “Don’t..Don’t call me Akaashi-san”he mumbled swaying on his feet. “You always…I’ve always been..Kaashi-chan!” he continued trying to steady himself as he stepped up the stoop. “You should…you should be my wife…and that should be my baby!” the further up he got the louder he got. You took a step back into the entryway. “It doesn’t work that way Akaashi-san…we aren’t the same kids we were back then.” you chided softly, eyeing him to make sure he didn’t move any further. He stopped swaying to tilt his head and squint at you. “You should leave him.” he whispered harshly. “I could take better care of you.”he snapped his fingers. “When you have the babies, you can leave and we’ll run away together!” he swings his arms giddily excitement building at his grand idea. “I can’t do that Akaashi-san…I love Samu…he’s everything to me, and I love these babies.” you say softly stroking your protruding belly. “Why would you possibly think I could abandon them?” you asked looking straight at him now. “For us, and our future!”he states getting down on his knees. “You promised you’d love me forever, you promise me forever [name]” he sniffles hands clutching the end of your robe. You stand there wiping your tears as you try to step back. He tugs harder pulling you closer. You grab his wrist and he pulls himself up crushing his lips to yours. You open your palms and try to push him off you; but he pulls you tighter. The pressure on your lips makes you nauseous. And suddenly it’s gone. You open your eyes to find Akaashi on his back at the bottom of the stoop and Atsumu standing in front of you. With relief you drop to your knees sobs wracking through your body.

That night was the last time you saw Akaashi. Atsumu called Omi-omi to sit with you while he and Bokuto escorted him home. Bokuto stayed the night to make sure he was alright, and the next morning he told Akaashi he couldn’t be friends with him anymore. After everything he did to [name] he couldn’t. “You told her she promised to love you forever…but you stopped loving her first Akaashi…you broke your promise.” Bokuto stated walking out of the apartment.

Weeks later Akaashi could be found sitting outside a cafe in sunny California. He wrote his parents a letter apologizing for the abruptness of his leaving; but he needed a fresh start. He needed a place that would hold reminders of you. With an iced coffee and his open laptop he began to write. This would be the sequel to his best seller. He would lay it all out and pen down what really happened all those years ago. The title of his new sequel…

~Broken Promise~

A year later you came home from a photo shoot to a box on the counter. “What’s in the box babe?” you asked Osamu scanning the top for a label. He shrugged, “I’m not sure princess, a delivery man dropped it off at the shop earlier today.”he answered. As you opened the box you discussed your days and how the kids did at daycare. “They’re books, but I don’t recall ordering any.” you read the title and the author. A memory digging at the back of your brain you can’t seem to recall. The next day was your one day off. You dropped the boys off at daycare and swung by the coffee shop for a latte. Sitting in the comfort of your home you opened the first book and started reading. For the rest of the day you read the first and then the second. Closing the second book your breathing became uneven. You heaved once….twice…and finally your body started shaking as tears poured out. You pulled your knees to your chest as sobs wracked through you. Your mind falling back to the memories that started at seven and ended a year ago. You sat and you cried. You cried for the 7 year olds that made the first pinky promise. You cried for the 13 year olds that confessed their love. You cried for the 18 year olds that would never know what the future could have been. You laid yourself down and you cried, for the friend you lost and the life you could have had. And when your husband came home to you crying; he simply pulled you to his chest and let you continue to cry. Stroking your hair he whispered softly that it was okay. That it was bound to happen. And he proceeded to tell you all about the girl he saw crying in the middle of the park. How she was so strong to him and so beautiful. He continued to whisper little anecdotes from your lives together. Reminding you that he loved you and that he would never let you go. As you cried in your husband’s arms you knew that everything would be okay. You sent a silent thank you to your old friend for finally giving you the closure that you needed.

Thanks for test-reading for me <3 @dabilove27

@k-eijiakaashi the closure you asked for hopefully :3

#akaashi keiji #akaashi x reader #haikyuu concepts #haikyuu imagines #osamu miya #osamu x reader #osamu scenarios #angst #haikyuuimagine #haikyuu #haikyuu fiction #broken promise

72 notes · View notes

pretendingboyfriends · 5 years ago

Text

I Promise - Pt. I

A/N: since i have a lot of time on my hands, i’ve decided to start this little fic! this is the first of many parts and i’m super excited to see what y’all think so shoot me an ask when you finish reading! also, my inbox is open for suggestions at all times, so do not hesitate to send them!! <3

Word Count: 2,019

Warnings: angst and lots of tears (smut in the future)

Alex and my older brother, Thomas, were basically inseparable for most of their lives. Living hardly a 30-second walk from each other, it was inevitable that they would become friends at a young age. Then I came along, weaseling my way into all of their activities and forcing them to include me. They learned to accept the fact that if they were going to be doing something together, I would be tagging along; but I don’t think either of them minded as much as they led on and because of the tight bond the three of us held, he honestly became a part of the family. Mother loved him (mostly because he loved anything she cooked) and even when Thomas had moved out and gotten engaged, Alex still sauntered around my kitchen without a care in the world, making himself feel truly at home.

His own mother had passed years ago and his father left when he was a baby, so we were his only family. He took it so hard when his mother died, she’d been ill for months and only seemed to get worse and worse, but Alex never once broke down while she was still alive. He stayed strong for her when she wasn’t able to. But after she died, Alex wasn’t able to hold it together anymore. Almost a week after her death he came to me, sobbing, and asked me if I would just hold him, so I did. I held him for hours. That was also the day I realized my true feelings for him. I loved him. I loved him as more than just my best friend. I loved him as more than the son he’d become to my family. He was the only one for me and there was nothing I wouldn’t do for him.

The war happened so suddenly. Nothing was the same after it began. Alex and Thomas were both drafted and had strict orders to report within three days. Three days for him to say goodbye.

The day before Alex left, he took me out for a picnic. Our usual picnic spot was a large, grassy hill. On one side, the hill spilled out into a forest that stretched for miles, and on the other was our small town, the one we had both grown up in our entire lives. I began to set up, unfolding the large quilt (made by mother, of course) and spread it out across the damp grass. Alex stood a few feet away, hands in the pockets of his slacks, his broad shoulders facing my direction. He wore neat, brown slacks and a baby blue sweater that he’d tugged over a crisp, white button up. His chocolate curls were combed back onto his head, one small curl escaping the rest and falling carefully onto his forehead. If I didn’t know him and saw him on the street I’d probably swoon and giggle over him like every other girl in our town. He was the definition of dreamy, but he never took any interest in any girls. I always found it strange, though, considering his age. Most men his age had already found themselves engaged or married, but he never so much as glanced at any girl.

I felt him watching me as I placed things onto the blanket and situated myself onto it. I plucked a large strawberry from one of the containers and took a bit out of it as I leaned back on my elbows. Alex made his way over to the blanket, plopping himself right across from me.

“Haven’t been out here in ages,” I chuckled, attempting to break the tension.

He hummed and nodded in agreement.

“Think it’s been well over 3 months since we’ve had one of these picnics,”

I nodded, silently agreeing with him as I turned to busy myself with the basket of food my mother had prepared for us.

“Mind passing me a strawberry, darling?” he asked, holding his hand out.

I took another large one from the container and placed it into his waiting hand with a small smile. The conversation died down into silence, the only thing that could be heard was the rustling of trees in the wind and the shrill chirping of a bird nearby. To me, the silence was deafening. All I could think about was the fact that he was leaving me and he might not ever return. For the first time in years--possibly my lifetime--Alex wouldn’t be a constant part of my life and the thought of that made my heart ache.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” I mumbled, a single tear escaping my eye.

He looked up from his sandwich, swallowing quickly and moving things out of the way so that he could pull me into his arms.

“Hey, hey, none of that. It’s gonna be jus’ fine,”

He pulled me into his lap, tugging my arms around his neck and bringing his own around my waist to hold onto me tightly. I sobbed into his shoulder, slightly embarrassed that he was seeing me like this. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t cry until he’d left, but there I was. I felt him choke on a sob and quickly moved to look at him. His face was red and puffy just like mine, tears staining his skin. I took his face into my hands and wiped away the moisture from both of his cheeks. Neither of us said anything, just stared into each other’s eyes. His eyes flickered to my lips for just a moment and then returned back to my eyes.

“Alex…” I whispered, stroking my thumb along his cheekbone slowly.

He closed his eyes, squeezing them together in an attempt to hold back his tears.

“Alex, look at me please.”

He opened his eyes, his arms tightening around me. Our faces were mere centimeters apart and I could feel his shaky breath fanning over my face. He gently took my hands from his face, pressing his lips to my knuckles.

“I need to confess something,” He whispered, still holding my hands in his larger ones.

I nodded slightly, waiting for him to continue.

“You are the most important person in my life. If it weren’t for you and your family, I probably wouldn’t be as well off as I am right now. You have never failed to put a smile on my face at all times and- and I know all we’ve ever been is friends and I know- I know you probably see me as just another brother, but… I’m in love with you. I’m so fucking in love with you that it hurts. You’re the only person for me. That’s why I’ve never even tried to seek out anyone else. You are the only one I want. And I know this isn’t the best time to tell you with me leavin’ tomorrow and all tha’, but I might not be comin’ back and- and I need you to know how I feel. And I need to know if you feel the same way.”

Tears threatened to spill from my eyes as he finished. My heart pounded in my chest as I took his face into my hands once again. Without saying a word, I closed the space between us, pressing my lips to his timidly. He kissed back passionately, catching my lips before I could pull away.

“I love you so much.” I whispered in between kisses. He kissed me harder, holding me like I could slip away at any moment.

“Say it again,” He whispered, pulling away.

I giggled a little, pressing my forehead against his. “I love you.”

There was a gentle knock at my door that could only be characterized as Alex. I smiled, turning in my vanity chair,

“Come in!” I sang before turning back to my mirror to finish combing through my hair. The door opened and Alex walked in, carefully closing it behind him. I looked at him through the mirror and my face fell. He was wearing his uniform.

“What’s that face for?” He questioned, frowning as he walked towards me.

I stood from my vanity, my lips forming into a pout.

“You’re really leaving,”

He took my hand, pulling me against his body without a word. He wrapped one arm around my waist and placed his other hand underneath my chin.

“I am,”

My lip began to quiver, Alex taking notice and quickly covering my lips with his own. I whimpered and pushed up onto my toes to deepen the kiss as he towered over me. My arms hooked around his neck and I felt him walk me towards the wall, pressing me against it. He wedged his thigh between my legs, my skirt bunching up slightly. Small moans left my lips in between kisses, my fingers threading themselves into his gelled hair. He pulled away, kissing down my jaw and neck slowly.

“Wanted to give you a proper kiss before we leave for the station,” He breathed, kissing back up my neck to my lips and resting his forehead against mine.

“I’ll wait for you,” I whispered, nudging my nose against his.

There was a moment of silence before he spoke, “No, darling, don’t make a promise you can’t keep,”

I moved to look at him. “Alex, w-what do you mean?” “I mean, you can’t sit around waiting for me when I might not return! This is a war, Y/N, I’m not just going on a fucking trip!” He took a few steps back, running his fingers through his hair in frustration, “I want you to live your life just as you would. I want you to promise me that you won’t be sad forever if I don’t return. You mourn me and then you move on and fall in love with some bloke that’ll treat you right. Have a family, become whatever you want to be and continue to be the fucking ray of sunshine you always have been.” He was crying, tears pouring from his eyes. “Promise me,” He whispered, reaching for my hands but keeping his eyes to the floor. I sniffled, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill,

“Alex…” I breathed, shaking my head a little.

“Please, Y/N…”

I pulled my hands away from his and took his face into my hands, forcing him to make eye contact with me.

“I promise.”

It was a chill, overcast day, the wind picking up to higher speeds than usual, a hint of rain was in the air. My family stood at the train station to bid adieu to Alex and Thomas. Thomas went around hugging everyone first, expressing his love for all of us before he turned to his fiancé, taking her into his arms as she sobbed. Then, it was Alex’s turn. My father shook his hand firmly, patting his back; mother sobbed hysterically into a hug. Then he turned to me. I had already begun to cry and tried in vain to hold back my sobs as he held me, whispering a soft “I love you” into my ear. He pulled away, rubbing his eye with the palm of his hand to quickly rid his face of any moisture.

“Come back to me in one piece, you hear me?” I whispered, brushing off the lapels of his uniform.

“I’ll try my best.” He responded, taking one of my hands and pressing his soft lips to my knuckles like he had done the day before. I craved to feel his lips against mine one last time, but my whole family watching us, it wouldn’t be appropriate.

Finally, they were both boarding the train. Alex glanced back at me as he boarded, giving me a subtle wink. They both found their seats and poked their heads through the small windows, waving down at us. The train began to move and I stood waving back to Alex, tears running down my face. He blew me a kiss and mouthed “I love you” before the train picked up speed and I could no longer make out his face.

LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK!!! <3

thank u to my beta readers @goldenfeelin , @youflower-youfeast , @queeniebish , @m-ram21 , @chazelles , @goldencherryharry , this would be absolute shit without them

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #alex dunkirk #dunkirk fanfiction #harry styles smut #one direction fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles writing #harry writing #dunkirk #dunkirk fanfic #my writing

233 notes · View notes

writingmyanxietyaway · 5 years ago

Text

The Devil’s Bride | Berlin

Requested by @lasnutriasmolan: Hi! Could you please do either prompt 17 or prompt 18 for Berlin? I looove your writing and Im really looking forward to your next imagines for him. Thanks! :)

Word count: 1.8k

Warning: a little angst and swearing? also a very romantic Berlin who makes your heart go whooo

Note: not my gif! I tried to make it as non-spoiler as possible, but I can’t promise 100%!

Surprise! I merged both of the prompt together because I had a really fun idea for them. Hope you like it, lovely! x

#17 - “Where did you learn to dance?”

#18 - “Where were you? Do you have any idea as to how worried I was?”

------------

He was gone. You had no idea where he was. One moment you were laying in bed together, falling asleep and when you opened your eyes he was gone. At first you thought nothing of it, he often spent the day somewhere else without you knowing. He once went missing for two complete days because he wanted to get you the necklace you always wanted; it wasn’t available where you were living at that time so he traveled through three different countries to get it for you. But now there was something off. You could feel it. It was now night and you still hadn’t heard of him. You had thought about calling his brother, but after some contemplation you decided not to. He was probably in the city somewhere with some of his friends. But it was exactly that that made you worry. He could have been arrested and put behind bars without you knowing.

Your breath hitched and the walls of the room you were sitting in suddenly closed in on you. You thought about the fact that he might have been captured or that he was killed at sight. You couldn’t bare live with the fact that he would never come back to you. Deciding you wouldn’t sit down and let everything happen, you got up and searched every room again. As you had done three times before today.

When you arrived at the bathroom, you saw a puddle of what looked like blood in the sink. You screamed loudly and tears filled your eyes. You stepped back and almost tripped on your own feet. A small envelope laid on the edge of the sink and you hesitated to open it. It had your name written on it. Once you dared to step towards the sink, you read the letter.

dear Y/N,

how ironic it is we meet this way. you are now looking for me instead of the other way around. we shall meet soon, my love. i have something you hold dearly. i cannot wait to meet you.

Your hands were shaking after reading the letter and somehow the only thing you could think of was death. The person who wrote this has the love of your life and they have now come for you too. You knew Berlin wasn’t the most liked person, but you never expected someone to actually come for him.

A sudden slam of a door made you scream and you quickly turned around. You grabbed a toothbrush off the sink and held it in front of you. As if you were going to stab someone with a toothbrush?! You carefully stepped forwards, but saw nothing. All the doors were closed, except for one. A bright light shone from the bedroom and you carefully made your way towards it. Once you arrived, another letter was set up against a lit candle. It was a scented candle, your favourite.

dear Y/N,

exciting, is it not? you’re getting closer, but you’re not there yet. can you guess who i am? and what it is you’re seeking? i’m sure a smart woman like you can figure it out. in the kitchen you will find another envelope, if you dare to find it.. i cannot wait to meet you.

‘Who is there?!’ you yelled, but was only met by silence. You only now noticed there was something laying next to the candle. It was a necklace. The one you gave Berlin for his birthday last year. ‘No..’ you whispered. Next to it laid a box. It was quite large and had a big bow on top. A note was attached to the top and it said ‘open me’. With shaking hands you opened the box and inside laid a beautiful red gown. In your size. How did they know your size and who were these people?!

‘Whoever is doing this, please stop!’ you yelled again, but your voice broke. You hesitated before putting on the dress that seemed to fit you perfectly and heels to go along with the dress. If you would die, at least do it in style, right?! Wiping away your tears, you made your way towards the kitchen. And like the letter said, there was another envelope. You noticed it smelled like your favourite food, pasta a la fonollosa, a pasta Berlin created himself and you fell in love with the first time you tasted it. You smiled softly to yourself as the realisation hit you this was all part of Berlin’s little plan. You took the letter and read it.

dear Y/N,

i’m sure a smart woman like you has figured out most of what is going on. meet me in the dining room. i cannot wait to meet you.

The fear had disappeared by now, but you were still very on edge. The kitchen of your house, or rather mansion, led to the hallway. You gasped when you saw the path that was made of candles that led you through the house. The walls that were previously covered with paintings, were now covered in photo’s of you and Berlin. Your first photo together was one where his brother and your sister were on it too. It brought tears to your eyes. You sister had passed away soon after that picture was made due to her illness. You and Berlin met at a bar during intermission when you and your sister went to the theatre to see the musical The Phantom of The Opera. It was her last wish to go to the theatre and see that play. Berlin, being a fan of theatre and opera himself, went with his brother. The two of you hit off and your sister and his brother became very good friends.

The next was his favourite photo he ever made of you. Seeing it made you incredibly shy and self conscious, but he loved every inch of it. It wasn’t a secret that Berlin loved the female body and all it’s curves, but you were special in his eyes. It was a picture he made when you were in Paris. You were standing on the balcony, completely nude and facing the sun, with your body blocking the sun, your silhouet framing every piece of you perfectly. It wasn’t a filthy, porno-like photo, but it was a piece of art. Even you had to admit it was a picture you would buy yourself to hang in the living room had it not been you.

A couple of photo’s further down hung your favourite photo of you two. You felt a smile creep on your lips as you stared at the photo. It was the first photo of you two in this house. You were laying on the grass, your legs thrown over Berlin’s as you stared in each other’s eyes. Both of your smiles reached to your eyes as you stared at each other lovingly. One of the maids had taken the photo and you had loved it ever since.

You got snapped out of your thoughts when you heard a little bell jingle. You turned your head and followed the lights. Turning the corner, you gasped. In the middle of the ballroom was a table prepared for two. The room was filled with candle lights and rose petals. Soft music was playing in the background. It looked like a scene from a movie. You noticed a letter was positioned on the table, leaning agaist a bottle of wine. You opened the note and rose petals fell out. You snorted at the corny, romantic gesture.

dear Y/N,

i know i might not be the best boyfriend. i know i might not be the man you want me to be. and i know i’m not the man you deserve. but there is one thing that no man will ever have that i do have. my love for you. it is stronger than any type of glue, it will spread wider than any kind of reception and it is deadlier than any type of bullet. what i want to say is that i love you so much, babygirl. my love for you has no limit. i want to spend the rest of my life with you and have a family with you. if you’ll have me?

When you were done reading tears were pouring down your face. Your chest physically hurt at the thought of ever losing Berlin. You could feel your heart beating loudly in your chest as you tried to calm yourself.

‘So? What do you say?’

You gasped and quickly turned around to see Berlin on one knee with a small shining ring in a small red velvet box. He wore a black suit with a deep red bow tie, matching your dress.

‘Will you do the honors of marrying me?’ he asked, a big smile on his face.

‘If you seriously think I’m going to say no after I tried to protect myself with a toothbrush and after you’ve done all this, you’re crazier than I thought, Andres. If course I’ll marry you, casanova.’

He rose from the ground and placed the ring on your finger. You held him close and breathed in his strong cologne. You felt yourself relax into his touch, but it was cut short by you slapping his arm.

‘Where were you?! Do you have any idea as to how worried I was?! And what was the whole point of scaring the shit out of me?’ you exclaimed.

‘Do you think this appeared out of nowhere? I wanted to make it special for my princess,’ he said, leaning in and kissing you passionately. ‘I would never let anything happen to you. You’re safe here. I would rather die than let anything happen to you.’

‘I love you, Andres. So much.’ The two of you swayed a little to the music and soon enough you were dancing along to the music. You placed your right hand on his shoulder and held his hand with the other. His left hand was placed on your waist.

‘Mrs. Fonollosa, where did you learn to dance?’ he whispered in your ear, placing a soft kiss behind you ear. A tingle spread through your body and you wished you could stay like this forever.

‘Shut up, you,’ you giggled. You used to be a dance instructor, so moving to any rythm was in your blood.

‘May I just say you look exquisite tonight, baby girl.’ His hand trailed from your waist to your back and back down again.

‘Why thank you. I just happened to be laid out for me by a mysterious gentleman.’

‘Than I have to compliment that particular gentleman,’ he said, pulling away from the position you were in and took your hand, leading you to the table. One of your maids had presented you the food and popped open the bottle of wine.

‘Cheers to the rest of our lives, princess. Thank you for making me the luckiest man alive. I love you.’

‘I love you too, Andres. More than you could ever know.’

.. .. .. .. ..

Berlin Taglist

@nkjktk - @michaellangdonenthusiast - @hamiltonsofcrap

#la casa de papel #lcdp imagine #berlin x reader #berlin imagine #pedro alonso #lcdp x reader #lcdp #prompt 17 #Prompt 18

78 notes · View notes

livcosmos · 4 years ago

Text

CHAIN OF GOLD booktalk

You guys I can't even... that was oh my God soooo good. I know I always say this but I don’t even know where to start like there was so much going on and ahahahha I loved it so incredebly much!!! I wasn’t sure if I wanted to read it because I thought that it would be to painful because of my love Jem but I am sooooo incredebly glad I did read it and I can’t wait for the next book I am fraking out so hard I need to know what happens kjkjkjkjk... Can it please be March already???Please!!! I had so much fun reading it, it gave all the feelings from laughing out loud to screaming and crying and wanting to throw the book out the window, it was amazing! It was so intense!! I also want to say how much respect I have for this woman she created such an amazing world with such amazing characters and she never stops to amaze me she never disappoints! I want to thank her once again for everything!!! She is a freaking genius!!! Now let’s get started!

Ok I think I’m going to start with my boy Matthew, he was and is my aboulute favourite, I knew he was going to be from the moment I read the short story about him in “Ghosts of the Shadow Market”, cause yes apperently I have a weakness for sad damaged boys, my hearth breaks for him and I just want him to be happy more than everything he is such a sweeatherat and I am so so scared that something is going to happen to him I saw some theires about him... I’m telling you if something happpens to him I burning the world down if I may quote Sebastian!

Through the whole book I was screaming for more parts from his point of few because I needed and I stilll need to know exactly what he is thinking and what he is feeling I need that so bad and when we finally got the first tiny part from his point of few the one with Grace... I am going to talk about that...girl in a miunte... first I started crying cause I was so happy but than of course that bitch, I’m sorry I normaly never swar but oh my Lord I hate Grace and the things I said to her God forgive me, had to ruin it and hhjhfjfgfgf poor Matthew! I really hope Magnus helps him, our sweet Maguns our mother Theresa bless his soul I love how he is always there to help and all my hope is in him that he helps Matthew too as he helped Will, I am so happy he is present and in the action, let’s be honest what would be a Shadowhunter book without him seriosly now?

As I mentioned Will, first his parenting omg is helarious😂😂 I love him so much! And second of all Matthew remeinds me so much of him and I really really hope Matthew finds his light as Will did!

Matthew needs to talk to someone about what happend he needs to talk about it and frogive himself for what he did ahhh it breaks my hearth to see him suffering! When he told Thomas and Lucie about what Alastair said as mean as it sounds cause I do felt really sorry for Alastair in that moment, I was glad Matthew said at least a part of what is so heavy on his hearth, I mean he didn’t said what he did because of the rumor Alaister speed but it was a step forward in my opinion! AAAHHH and I read the things we can expect in Chain of Iron and that he probably is going to tell Cordelia what he did aaahhhh... bless him I am so excited to see what happens!!!!

Heres is the thing, this is probably an rather unpopular opinion but even tho I of course ship James and Cordelia, I mean obviosly they are made for each other there is no doubt in that, but there is still a part of me that ships Matthew with Cordelia.... I mean THE DRAMA, I know but ahhh and I read that they are going to be very close in Chain of Iron and aaaaaa I can’t say it often enough how freaking excited I am for that book!!!!! I loved the easiness in their conversations, they always were somehow comfortable around each other and the dance at the ball tho omg that was something, I loved it so much!! How they danced together and talked that was the moment I started shipping them!!!

And here’s another thing, I also shipped Matthew with Lucie like... hgckgfgfk don’t get me wrong I love Jesse and I do ship Jesse with Lucie, like how could I not and bless him when he gave his last breath for James how couldn’t I love him? I cried so much reading that scene! How could I not ship him with Lucie they are also made for each other but than agian Matthew and Lucie ... that would be interesting I mean now it’s obviosly never going to happen because Matthew is over her but still! And my hearth BROKE like it litterly shattered when James talked to Lucie about Matthew and she was like yeah but I don’t like him in that way... Like girl I love you you’re amaizing but what is wrong with you? We are talking about MATTHEW FREAKING FARICHILD here !!!!! Oh or at that part where she was talking to Matthew and she literatly called him a drunk, like yeah he do has that problem but she didn’t had to be so harsh! I loved tho how much Matthew cared for Lucie how he was concerned about her well being he is so sweet!!!! But I guess have a more brother and sister relationship, unfortunately.

The only thing I fear is that Matthew is goin to end up alone because obviosly James and Cordelia and Lucie and Jesse will stay togetehr forever, and I don’t want my baby to be alone forever! I read that there is a new charachter in Chain of Iron, a girl from Italy maybe she will be the perfect match for my Matthew? Who knows?

Another thing I ablolutely fraking love about Matthew is also that he loves fashion and that he carse about how he dressed and oh my lord he is wering RINGS!!!! like ok every Shadowhunter has their family ring but he is wearing other rings too and he has so much style!!!! He owend my hearth anyway but those things made him even more lovebale for me ahhhhhh and the fact that he is fangirling over Magnus.... omg!!! And of couse the fact that he loves reading I mean yeah Jamie and Lucie they also love reading and I love them for that too but the fact that he is reading in combination whit his other traids... he went right up on the second place of my book boyfriedns list!!! And of couse his dog, I love Oscar even tho he didn’t apear that much but aaaaa how he tried to save Matthew when they were attaced ...my hearth. And the fact itself that he named his dog after his favourite author.... just... I always love an artist boy but Matthew is something else! He can’t quite reach Jem because Jem to me is more that everything but he is right behid him! Jem is the love of my life and Matthew is my soulmate how about that,that seams sounds good.😂😂

As I already mentioned my biggest love of all times Jem, I also have to say a few words about him! So I cryed so much at that part when he came to see Will after his parents died, I was so emotional and ahhhhh every time they all were like oncle Jem here onlce Jem there... I had tears in my eyes I always cry for Jem and and he owns my hearth forever and ever, his faith always makes me cry, how sad he must have been all this years... how sad... finally seeing him happy with Tessa and Mina makes me more than happy and again I am warning everyone here if anything happens to him in the Wicked Powers anything... to him or Mina... I’m going to react even worse than if anything happens to Matthew!!! Oh and another thing I can hadle “oncle Jem”, it hurts but I except it, “cousin Jem” tho is a whole other level tho.. that I can’t handle it’s so wired omg it’s so wired that Cordelia is Jem’s cousin ....and overall it is wired to see all of them as parents not only Will and Tessa but also Cecily and Gabriel, Sophie and Gideon ahhhh my hearth, knowing everything they have been through and now seeing them have kids...but than it was also so interesting and funny and I loved that they were there but that they let the children do their own thing, that even tho they were present they weren’t the focus of the book. AH and I loved how Magnus was like: “I am going to help you all but if something goes wrong I am going to tell your parents!”, I love that he is so close to Tessa and Will everytime I think about the fact that he and Tessa are so close to this day ahhhhh....so sweet!!!

And now that I mentioned Mina I have to say this too, I how painfull must it be for Tessa and Jem and even Maguns to have seen all those beautiful children James, Lucie, Matthew all of the live, and love and grow and than die! Like it hurts me so much because I learnd to love them all so much and I am sitting here screaming at every on of them to stay alive and don’t die but than if you thing about it they are all already dead.... and that hurts and if that hurts me how must Tessa and Jem feel, who have seen them every day.... that is so incredebly sad and it breaks my heart! And than I think about the fact that Jem is now also going to die ant some point and Mina too and I can’t even think about it that is unbareble for me I don’t want to think about a world without my Jemmy in it!!

Anyway coming back to this book I think it’s time to talk about our manipulative, annoying, mean, evil, I fraking hate her so much, Grace Blackthorn.... aaahhhhh were do I start......I KNEW IT from the very beginning!!!!!! The moment, the moment James metioned that damned bracelet the first time I knew that there was something wired about it, I knew it had some kind of influence over him I knew it and than she came andjbsdhbfsdhfbsdhf I can’t even I am sooooo mad soooo sooooo mad!!!! I love Jamie, I realy do and I know it’s not his fault but still I am also a little mad at him that he let himself get triecked by that lunatic!!!!! I was so happy and releaved when she took that bracelet back from him I was so happy that she was finally out of the picture and I also was sooooooooo happy he realised even a little bit that there was something wrong and that he didn’t actualy loved Grace and that he actually has feelings for Cordelia!!!! Because my god Cordelia was there first he liked Cordelia first when she read to him when he was ill, that was so sweet and he had a crush on her but didn’t realise it and than the lunatic came and gave him that freaking bracelet, and she said herslf that James was obviosly crushing over Cordelia but of cousre she is a manipulative bitch and she made him take that bracelet and than made him wear it ahhhhh bsdgfkjhgfkhgljkg

It was a trap from the very beginning and I had red flags all over in my head flying around the moment she first apeared, of couse I felt sorry for her, because of the other lunatic, her mother, and I thought that it’s not her fault that she was raised by Tatiana and that she maybe has a little good in her but noooooooooooo she knows what she is doing!!! Even if Tatiana made her do some of the the evil things she not only agree to do them she also made her own bad bad bad things!!!!! God I hate her so much!!! It was a trap for James the moment Tatiana came and was like “Can you plese help me cut the throns?” nooooo he can’t!!!!! Get out!!!! James should have sensed that there was something wired going on, but bless him his heart is to good to sense that!!!

I love how Matthew never liked Grace and that scene with her when they talked I got sooo mad so so mad!!!! I love Matthew but he needs to tell James or even Cordelia about what Garce said and did!!! And Matthew how could you let them alone at the end how??? When I read that part, when the evil thing but the bracelet back on James’s wrist I was beyond furios that was the last bit, I wanted to throw the book on a wall!!! vfsdjhfgdhjsgfdshgfsh!!!!! And pleaseeeeeee someoneeee I don’t care if it is Matthew or Cordelia or anyone elese PLEASE TAKE THAT DAMED BRACELET OF JAMES!!!!!! They must see that there is something about that bracelet please please please Magnus, anyone plese!!!

According to the family tree from Clockwork Princess our Miss Grace is going to be with Christopher PLESE NO! Christopher is to good for her, he is too nice he deserves something better than Grace I love Christiopher plese don’t let her ruin him! I know that that family tree isn’t reliable but still I went in fulll on detectiv Mode through the whole book checking that tree and making theories and everything!!!! And I need some awnsers!!!!

When Barbara died ( I didn’t know her that well but she seamed so nice I liked her and I fell so sorry for Sophie and Gideon!!!) an alarm in my head went on because in the epiloge of Clockwork Princess, when Will died they said that Sophie’s girls where there and I was like nooo there is a mistake how?? How can Sophie’s girls be at Will’s death of Barbara just died!And than it occured to me that Cassie changed her mind and decided to kill Barbara then, we can’t trust anything!!! Anything is opssible anything can happen and I am so scared!!!!

Returining to Grace and Tatiana.... why on earth does no one acknowledge that Tatiana is mad??? She is wearing the same dress she wore when her husband died every freaking day??!! They must see that there is something wrong with her! And letting her adopt a child who she obviosly ruined is another crazy thing!!!! Why does no one see that??? Why??? James sweetheath the moment you met Grace you should have run to Tessa and and tell her that crazy Tatiana is keeping a girl in that run down house!! He would have done a good thing for her if he had told anyone about her but than again Grace is crazy herself and maybe she would have stabed everyone in the Institute in the middle of the night! And Tatiana is now going to the Iron Sisters and I am so freaking scared of what she is going to do...

Poor Jesse she seams so nice comapred to his crazy mother and sister how can he be so nice when they are so out of thier minds??? I am dying to know how Lucie is going to bring him back to life, God forbid Grace makes her do something to carzy I mean it is crazy enough they want to bring Jesse back with necromacie and I guess it runs in the family *cough cough Ty* to bring back the dead but I fear joing Grace in this thing isn’t good for Lucie! Omg but I loved that scene where Lucie compared Jesse to Snow White that was hilarious.😂😂😂

Speaking of Luice I really love her, I love that she wants to be a writer, I love how Tessa and Will teached their children to love books! And Lucie she is so funny and god she and Matthew would have been so beautiful together... but again she is made for Jesse and as I also like him may they be happy together! I also have to say that she gave me especially in the beginning Anne with an E vibes she kind of reminder me of Anne.

Quick thing about James I want to learn more about his power with the shadow realm and also about Lucie’s obviously but I have to say that in the beginning when he was constantly jumping throw the realms... that reminder me soooo hard of Stranger Things!!!😂 I know it’s crazy but here me out, to me it sounded so much like The Upside Down and James reminder me of Will from Stranger Things like I don’t know maybe I’m just crazy but I also imagined that one demon the one from the greenhouse who multiplied looked like that thing from Strager Things who also left those baby monsters everywhere!😂😂

I think it’s time for Cordelia now, but before I go on with her I want to also say a word about Alastair. So I can’t forgive him because of what he did to Matthew and I am still not sure if I like him but I do understand him now. I loved seeing this other side of him, seeing him somehow vulnerable and I loved that he cares about Cordelia and that in a wiered way he truly is a good brother to her! And I do understand even tho that doesn’t excuse his actions, why he was so mean and that it was all because he was alone and feard to be bullyed and that in some messed up way it was because of his dad. I do beleve there is good in him and I am so here for him chainging into a good person and apologiseing for what he did and said that hurt others. Speaking of his father tho... I don’t now what to think about him... he didn’t want to se Jem after he became a Silent Brother even tho he was his only relative.... I think that says enogh about him... I am curios tho to see how he is when he cames back in Chain of Iron. Ahhhh and if we are already at it... Sona... I didn’t like her in the beginng she was so stiff and somewhat mean but that thowords the end I stated to sympathise her I felt sorry for her in a way and I realised that she only wanted her children to be well.

Oh God and also the other big thing that made me go into a next level detective mode was Cortana, because.... so Cortana belongs to Cordelia, it belongs to the Carstairs family AND it remains in the Carstairs family because Emma has it and her father a Carstairs gave it to her.... and if we check the family tree John Carstairs Emma’s father is Alastair’s son BUT and here comes the big thing how is that possible first that Alastair has a son ( maybe he adopted???) and than second how is it possible that Cortana remained in the Carstairs family because if Cordelia marries regardeless if it is James or not, the sword isn’t going to remain in the Carstairs familly unless Cordelia decides for whatever reason that she wants to give HER SWORD the sword that CHOSE HER to her nephew and not to her own child??!!! What is going on??? I want to know??? How does Cortana remain in the Carstairs family HOW??? I am so intrigued I want to know this so badly!!!

Now that we have that of the table we can talk about Cordelia, so first I love how she is friends with Lucie, I do want to see more of their friendship tho! I do like her, I wan’t sure in the beginning because in the beginning she was so focused on her father and on making a good inpresion that I don’t konw.. but than I learned to love her, I love how fearless she is and how she loves her friends and risks her life for them, she is so great! And I love her with James, I do like all the drama with Matthew ahhh but she and James they need to be toghether! At the end when she “saved him” from Tatiana’s acusation I was like “GIRLS WAHT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU INSAINE???” but than I understood that that is just how she is, she protects her loved ones and I love her for that! But damn it hurt so much when James said that he doesn’t love her because of that fraking bracelet ahhhh my heath poor Cordelia!!!! James do loves her he does he just neds to take that damed thing of his wrist and they can be togehter!!! It is so obvious and after the Whisper Room thing like people you could have stoped but you didn’t just please talk about your feelings!!! But no our evil Grace neded to come with her bracelet!!! I have to honest from the moment she put that thing back on his hand till the very end I felt sick I felt like I was going to throw up that’s how much the whole situation shaked me.😂😂

And if there is one thing I leared this summer from the books I read, especialy this and Again but Better, it’s that for god’s sake you should always say what you feel when you feel it regardeless of the conseconces just tell the people you love that you love them because there is so much to lose if you don’t! So much can happen not within days but within hours, like for example crazy Grace putting on a bewiched bracelet on your crush, and you will regrett not have said it before when you had the chance! I am so excited to see how this fake marriage thing goes, it’s definitely going to be very interesting!

Ah and another thing I loved about this book is the friendship between all of the cousins! I love how close they all are, that they grew up togetehr and that they are so close it so beautiful! I love the Merry Thieves and I love how they now included the girls ( I don’t know what I feel about the new Italian girl I need to meet her before I approve her into the group) and I love how everyone is everyones cousin even tho they are not actualy cousins and ahhhhh the friendship between Anna and Matthew their trips to the Hell Ruelle omg I live for that!!! I love how they meet at the Devil Tavern and plan their moves, it so beautiful! I love that Tessa and Will and all the parents made their children all grow up together making them grow so close!!! They are one big family!

Thomas I haven’t said anything about him yet, I love him I realy like him and I love how close he is particlary to Christopher! I love how kind he is and I also love how like his father he went to Madrird. And I love Anna, I love how observent she is, that she sensed a wiredness between James and Cordelia and I love how she gifted Cordelia all those dressed like omg!

Ah and I also do need to say how much I dislike Charles, like how was it possible that out of such nice people as Charlotte and Henry (I loved seeing Henry again in this book bless him) somone so awful as Charles can come out? I rellly don’t like him! Not that Ariadne cared but how could he leave her while she was dying? Who does that? I guess he truly deserves to be with Grace tho I feel sorry for Charlotte and Henry to have to welcome her into the family!

I sorry this booktalk got so long but had a lot to say and I still have a few more things to say one of which is about the London quarantine in this book, like the irony in it the fact thate we were all in quaratine when this book came out is just... I couldn’t ’t belive my eyes when I read it! Overall I love that the book took place in London, London is my favourite city in the world and returning there through this book esspecial at the time ahhh it was perfect, I loved returing to the London Institute, I loved the dresses andthe fashion everything! I loved the way they all spoke and they sayings it was all so perfect!

This book was just everything I needed right now and I am more than gald that I decided to read it! I can’t let it go yet tho I am still to attached to everything my crush on Matthew is still buring bright and I can’t let it and I don’t want to let it fade! I’m also more than excited for Chain of Iron, March can’t come soon enogh! I dying to see what happens and how all this drama is going to be solved!

Oh goodness and I almost forgot thanks to everyone who makes Shdowhunter memes, esspecally the ones about Chain of Gold like really they make my day! I am sometimes sitting for hours looking at them laughing!😂😂Some of them are pure gold! Thank you!

And I also want to thank everyone who came this far and read all of this you are true legends!

21 notes · View notes

essaysfromthedeep · 4 years ago

Text

Wash, rinse, repeat.

A little bit about being Southern, gay, and estranged.

CW: Suicide mention

Where I am now is exactly why I didn’t want to come out in the first place. I was terrified as a teenager that I would have to leave my family behind to be happy. It turned out to be true.

I figured out when I was 17 that I was attracted to girls. I had a boyfriend. It wasn’t going well. It wasn’t his fault, of course. I tried and tried to be okay with dating him, but I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt three months in that I didn’t feel the same way about him. I just didn’t know why for another few months. Or I didn’t want to admit why. I’m not sure the distinction matters at this point.

I remember which class I was sitting in the first time I wrote down “I think I like girls.” It was almost lunch time, I had no friends in there and no one was paying any attention to me. I put it in a journal I later burned. It was terrifying and imprinted itself on my memory. It was also a truth I couldn’t outrun any more.

I wasn’t expecting that coming out would be so similar to the stages of grief. I remember being so angry. I tried to kill myself. An expression of anger, fear, and disappointment.

I tried to kill myself on Valentine’s day because my boyfriend so desperately wanted to spend time with me, but I couldn’t stand the thought of it. I knew exactly where I’d rather be and why. I couldn’t take it any more.

I took, what I thought to be at the time, a lot of pills, and drank, what I thought to be at the time, a lot of alcohol. And laid down to go to sleep. I started feeling very ill and couldn’t fall asleep. I remember praying. “Okay God, if I survive this, it means you want me to be gay. And if I don’t well, I guess I’ll find out if you’re going to send me to hell for it.”

I threw up all night. The next day I felt like death warmed over, but I was alive. Now came the hard part, figuring out how to be gay. It took me 6 more years to come out in any kind of public way. I told my closest friends in high school, but that didn’t go so well. I came out as bisexual. Which, I am not. But I couldn’t be a full on lesbian yet.I wasn’t ready to give up.

I was still desperately hoping some boy would come along and fix me. Someone, anyone! That they would love me enough somehow and, even though I would never feel the same way about them, that it would be enough. It didn’t work out.

My first few years of being out to myself were full of this kind of bargaining. “I’ll just be alone forever and that will be fine. I don’t need a relationship.” I had resolved to stay in the small, rural town I had grown up in and just be the person my family wanted me to be. But the idea of being forced to be alone became unbearable. I had finally let go of some of my self hatred and honestly I wanted so badly to hit on women. Being a lesbian sounded amazing, if I could just figure out how to do it!

In college it still took awhile for me to come out, again.

I was technically bisexual at that point, so the assumption was this was a phase. I was so tired of the implication that I’d just eventually like a dude! I knew I wouldn’t. I kept pretending. Latching on to dudes left and right because I assumed (rightly) that there was more to lose when I let everyone know there would be no more men for me.

I tried to date exactly one guy in college. Attempting to be the person he wanted me to be was like cutting off parts of myself. I kept trying to make myself into something that I wasn’t to make men happy, when I was already pretty sure that I wasn’t at all interested in men or making them happy. I ‘broke up’ with him after four days.

I wish I could say that was the end of my misadventures with men, but it wasn’t. It was the last time I tried to date one. Everything else was just drunken mistakes in an attempt to try to make myself into a straight girl.

I finally gave it all up when I was 23. I had been fighting and fighting and fighting for years. I slept with one woman and it’s honestly laughable to me at this point that I ever thought I was straight.

That’s the only reason I decided to come out to my family at all.

After stumbling upon the (finally sober) realization, that I was decidedly uninterested in men, I realized that I would need to tell my family.

I didn’t want to, but I’m a terrible liar. And honestly, I was so tired of being afraid of them. To be clear though, when I came out I was still terrified of them. My timing could have probably been better, but that’s not how life is.

I decided to come out the weekend I graduated from college. I was sure, certain, in fact, that it would be alright. We would be riding the high from my accomplishment (2 degrees!) and they would love me regardless. I would tell them and then we would have a nice Christmas.

I have not been to a Christmas with my family since then.

I graduated right about the same time as all that Duck Dynasty nonsense where that guy said really homophobic stuff in GQ back in 2013. Well, my sister spent the entire weekend talking about it. Agreeing with him. Being angry because the show got dropped. “Gay people need to learn their place.” I could still direct you to the booth we were sitting at in Steak’n’Shake when she said that. There are some things that just stick with you. All gay people were going to hell anyway, why should it matter that he said it! And how dare A&E cancel them!

I left after that. Saying I was tired and didn’t want to go back to the mall. I had some friends to hang out with. Whatever excuses I could come up with. Really I went to my apartment and talked with my girlfriend for hours and hours about what I should do. I didn’t feel safe going home with them at that point. My family isn’t known for solving these kind of disagreements peacefully. And my family disagreed with my existence. What’s a girl to do? I ran away with my girlfriend for Christmas.

And this is where the Southern part of my story starts rearing its ugly head. My girlfriends parents were not sure about hosting me. I should be at home with my family. I didn’t know how to tell them, I didn’t feel safe with my family.

There’s this stigma about not being in touch with your family. Like it’s some kind of easy choice to cut them off. I already knew what my family thought of me, why am I required to open myself up to further abuse? Why am I required to submit myself to them for in-person derangement.

After the fact, when we were discussing it my mother said to me “Were you scared I was going to shoot you?” And yes. I was. That’s the thing. I know how my mother reacts. I react in similar fashions sometimes. A blind rage. You can’t see anything but your anger. I felt I was taking my life in my hands if I went home and came out. And who would know if they killed me and buried me in the back yard? Who would care? There are lots of pig farms in Arkansas. There are lots of places to hide a body.

Perhaps this is horrifying for me to say, but it was a natural conclusion for me. There are many people where I’m from who would have understood why my family did it. A jury of their peers wouldn’t convict them.

After that we tried for a few years, but the problem is I wanted it all.

I can read my parents like a book. They were so uncomfortable in my presence.

Growing up my father only referred to gay men as faggots. I had only ever heard gay used as a slur until I was in high school at least. It definitely wasn’t truly de-stigmatized for me until I was in college.

And about three years after I came out to my parents, I was tired of being tolerated. I didn’t want them to think I was disgusting. I wanted them to be able to look at me. I wanted them to be able to say the word gay and it not be a slur. And so I confronted them about it.

And my mom told me that she can only accept my relationships that are ‘biblical.’ She will never accept my marriage. And so I decided that I wasn’t going to live my life in pieces, and I told her to contact me when she could accept me for everything that I am, and that includes being a lesbian.

And now I don’t know what to do.

My family always made it very clear that if you didn’t talk to them in life, you shouldn’t show up at their funerals. I don’t know whether to grieve now, later, or both. I assume both makes the most sense.

This is excruciating, but it’s still better than sitting across the table from my mother and seeing the disgust in her eyes. The fear. Knowing that she thinks there’s something wrong with me.

My mother’s love is conditional. She loves in the hope that it will make me change. That I will repent and be born again, again. That it can save me. That she can make me straight.

After being the ‘sinner’ that’s been ‘loved’ for so many years, I have to say it feels less like love and more like coercion.

I feel like I’ve chosen the lesser of two evils. Trying to maintain contact with my family is destabilizing. So I’ll live with the guilt and the shame of not talking to the people who conceived me. I’m not sure what I continue to owe them though.

My mother left me a voicemail last week. She claims she doesn’t know what she’s done to “upset me.” She thinks I’m just punishing her because I’m mad. I’m not mad. I’m painfully aware of how little there is left of me for her to love. I won’t change. Why do I have to expose myself to her obvious disdain? What obligations do I owe her?

She brought me into this world, but the truth is she doesn’t want me. She wants whatever version she keeps of me in her head.

It’s much harder to love people as they are. And what I am now is so far removed from what she wants, I just don’t see why I have to keep trying. She isn’t going to meet me halfway, and I have to give up everything I am.

There’s no voice I can turn my mother to that teachers her to love me. The people my mother respects hate me. They teach I’m the reason why Jesus will soon return and wipe people like me from the face of the Earth and put us in hell where we belong.

I’ve heard “Blood is thicker than water” so often that I can’t help but feel like the asshole in this situation. Oh, what I’m doing to my poor mother! Have we considered what she’s done to me?

I’ve always been aware of how tenuous my relationship with my parents was. I knew there were parts of me they could never love. I’ve been keeping secrets since I was a child, hoping that I could be good enough one day that they’d like every piece of me. I’d settle for like, I think.

I grieve for my childhood. I wonder, often, what it’s like for kids who’s parents love them unconditionally. It’s difficult knowing that is something I will never experience.

I can’t blame my mother for it. I don’t think it was something she was ever capable of. It’s about as useful as being mad at the rain. There’s nothing I can do to change it.

I always want these kinds of things to have a lesson. I would like to wrap it up nice and tidy, but this is all messy ends and unfinished work.

The anger has run out of me and all that was left to do was this. Hollow myself out so the pain and sadness can’t grow and fester until they try to kill me again. You face them, you name them, you find a way to get up the next morning. You do things that make you happy. You wait for them to make you happy again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

#lgbtq #southern culture #suicide mention cw #cw suicide mention #writing #mine #wlw #lesbian #gay

2 notes · View notes

cathleennguyen-blog · 4 years ago

Text

Losing a Love

This is the most pain I’ve ever endured so far in the 23 years that I have lived on this earth. I didn’t know something could hurt this bad. I thought I have been a pretty strong person for the most part, but the world has a funny way of humbling you. It really doesn’t help that I’m a sensitive person.

When I say losing a love, in my case I mean that I can no longer love someone the way that I did for a little over 6 months. I can be friends with them and give them support in the future after I allow myself to heal, but I can’t romantically be involved with them. We have no bad blood towards each other whatsoever, but I can’t help but feel a little mad and frustrated about the way that things turned out. There are things I want to ask them, but one of the things this relationship has taught me is that I cannot always seek out answers. Seeking out answers may only cause more confusion or more pain... sometimes it’s truly not worth pursuing. Seeking out answers will not do me any good in this case, because no matter what they are no longer my person. The even sadder thing is that the primary reason why we cannot date anymore isn’t because of something either of us did; it’s because of what’s happening in their life. They’re so overloaded with working towards their future and they’re in the middle of figuring out how to even process something unfortunate that happened towards the end of last year. It’s not their fault that they need this time alone. I’m actually really glad that they were able to figure out that they cannot handle a relationship at the moment and they can see that they cannot control the fact that their personal life will inevitably hurt me. They can’t control the fact that they are sad all the time and that they cannot give romantic affection in any form... Knowing all of this doesn’t make it hurt any less for me though.

“At least you can still talk to them in the future and there’s no ill will”. Sure. That’s true, but is that what I need to hear right now? No its not. The primary reason as to why I am hurting so much right now is because I don’t have the status that I was so proud. I don’t have the status of being their girlfriend anymore, I have the status of being the friend. This is not to say that I think romantic relationships are more important than platonic relationships. However, I’ve only known how to love this person romantically... We didn’t start out as friends. So I’m in between these thoughts of knowing that I’m still fortunate enough to have them in my life as a friend and being upset that I can’t have them the way that I want to. Both thoughts are valid and true, but they sort of go against each other.

This whole experience has been exhausting because I am the type to rip off the band-aid. I burned the six month letter I wrote to them, I burned the valentines day card that I never finished. I threw away a stuffed animal that I gave them, that once represented me being there for them even when I’m not there in person. I deleted all of the photos I had together with them, the only photos I have left are the ones I took of them on my professional camera. I deleted the conversation I had with them on iMessage and Instagram. I did that all in a matter of 5 days. It’s fucking exhausting and draining and reminding and painful and devastating.

I naturally expected, and at the same time didn’t expect, for them to show some sort of sign that a part of them didn’t want to end what we had. I wanted to see that they still had feelings for me and that this was difficult for them. The last day I saw them to return their hoodies/tshirts, they were just happy the whole time. Maybe their intention was to not ruin the mood during the (possibly) last time that we saw each other in person, to make this as painless as possible. But I feel like it really did more damage than it did good, because now I’m left with this feeling. This feeling that the past 6 months meant nothing to them, that everything I put into the relationship wasn’t important enough for to grieve over. But I always have to remind myself that they have been stoic for the past couple of months. They are stoic not because they have feelings, but because they have too much right now. To let themselves feel everything they’re feeling feels dangerous and crippling, so instead they choose to hold it in. Holding it in is their new reality, because once they don’t hold it in they just might lose all the strength they have left to keep going. It’s like a very thin string representing their strength is holding together two mountains: sanity and reality. Some days that string has probably broken and they broke down with it, isolated themselves, condemned themselves for not being able to holding it together.

I wanted to be able to have the status of being their romantic lover, initially because I wanted to take their pain away. This was a mistake, and I realized that instead of taking the pain away, I should instead sit in the pain with them. Give them the escape that they so often needed, help support them on the days that they cannot help themselves. I realized all of that too late, because during the time that I told them about that epiphany, they were already on the road of breaking up with me. I also want to be their girlfriend because I constantly wanted to be updated on how their life is... they replied to me every hour, while with everyone else they replied to them once every other day. Now I can’t have that, and I have to be comfortable with them treating me as a friend... something that I will have to get used to. This shit really hurts man.

I already think about how much it would fuck me up if I saw them dating someone else while they’re still trying to grapple the things that they’re dealing with. It would truly make me feel like I was not good enough, strong enough, understanding enough.. when I really did try my best. It would hurt to know that my best is not enough for someone that I genuinely loved and cared for. How disappointing would that be. I try to not think about it but I really can’t help it.

I have to skip every sad song I hear or else I am literally guaranteed to start crying. The song doesn’t even have to be relationships (though often they are) for me to become upset, it could just be the beat or the sadness of the lyrics. I can’t be on social media because every now and then there are sad videos or even happy videos of couples, they both make me sad. The only songs that make me feel good are songs that talk about feeling powerful or unbothered, make me feel emotions that are the polar opposite of how I’m actually feeling inside.

Speaking of polar opposites... this is how I know I have never felt this intensity of suffering in my life. This emotional suffering is affecting my physical health. I lost 5-10 pounds in the last month and I have no doubt that I’m going to lose more; I’m already a skinny girl so this is pretty concerning. My stomach feels empty and hungry but this sick feeling overpowers it. The sick feeling of losing something I treasured so much and for them to possibly not care about what we had. It makes me lose my appetite. Sometimes I want to eat, then I take a few bites and I can’t eat anymore. I feel like the most simple tasks are daunting, like going outside and speaking to people I’m comfortable with, like doing laundry, washing the dishes, taking out the trash. But it’s funny because I see myself being more kind to strangers and checking up on my own friends... and it’s all because I do not want anyone to feel pain. I feel so much pain that I want to protect everyone from it, and I want to do everything I can to be the opposite of pain. I want to give out so much love because it’s the only thing that’s keeping me grounded on this earth at the moment. It’s comforting to see that I still have love when I’m experiencing so much pain, that I’m choosing to not go down the dark path of casting everyone away because of how much all of this hurts. I can either become stronger from this or I can crumble from it... I already know which once I’m going to choose every single day.

This person will always have a piece of my heart, and I have no shame in saying that... though sometimes I feel petty and I wish that they didn’t. However, I don’t want to harbor any hate or ill feelings in my heart. This is for the best, and yes it still hurts but it could have been worse if we kept going. Part of me hopes that they would want to get together in the future when we are both settled down, but I cannot endlessly hope for that or expect that. I cannot ask them if they’d be down to date later, because they won’t know the answer to that. And frankly, neither do I. Life really goes on, but that doesn’t mean that what I had with them wasn’t beautiful, They deserved every ounce of love that I gave them, and I would gladly give them more but they need to do this by themselves. We never know what the future holds.

Remind yourself that this pain will not be this intense forever. Remind yourself that fortunately you still can have this person in your life as a friend. Remind yourself that you are still special to them. Remind yourself that you have people who love and support you. Remind yourself that everything you feel is okay, and to not judge yourself for feeling whatever you’re feeling. Remind yourself that whoever you end up dating and marrying will be worth the wait and pain. Remind yourself that you are enough... especially remind yourself of that please. You can get through this, you are strong enough and I know that you have yourself.

1 note · View note

lolacola01 · 6 years ago

Text

Married at 19 Divorced at 22 (pt7)

Masterlist: http://lolacola01.tumblr.com/post/183820369055/married-at-19-divorced-at-22-masterlist

Warning: This chapter involves talk of baby illnesses and Down Syndrome. See an note at end of chapter.

Chapter 7

“So you’re not going to even let him know?”

You sigh deeply as you look across the kitchen table at Zane. “Should I? I mean does he have a right?”

“Of course he has a right,” Zane frowns. “He’s the dad. He has a right to know you have a scan. Y/n you’re going to hear your baby’s heartbeat for the first time and you’re not going to tell David. I think you might regret it later. And I just hate the fact that you’re going alone.”

“You could come with me.”

“That’s really not my place,” Zane explains. “But it is David’s.”

‘Well this conversation is going around in circles,’ you sigh before getting up from the table. ‘I better go. I want to get there early so I get a space outside the hospital.”

“Good luck,” Zane says with a weak smile as you walk out of the door.

You know Zane has a good point. Of course David should know about the baby and should be a part of all the appointments, but you just can’t seem to get over what he did. He always promised you honesty and that he wouldn’t hurt you, and he done both at the same time. The lies and the secrets were all just too much. It had made everything so messy and you didn’t see a way of making it better. You didn’t want David thinking that he could just treat you the way he had and you’d be okay with it. But you also didn’t want to be the bitch that stopped David from being part of his baby’s life.

All the thoughts David and the baby were racing through your mind as you made your way through LA traffic, and without even thinking about it you ended up pulling to a stop outside of David’s house. You knew Zane was right. Of course David had a right to be there. You just didn’t know how you were going to get out the car and face him again.

You didn’t have to worry about that for long. Soon after stopping David was in his drive and looking towards your car. You knew driving off would only lead to worse things, so you stayed where you were and let David come to you. He took his time getting to you but spoke as soon as he got to your window.

“You okay?”

I… didn’t really plan on coming here,” you stutter out. Hating the fact that he can make you this nervous.

‘Figured,” David nods. He puts his hands in his pockets like he always does when he’s nervous and without his camera. “Zane called and told me you were going to a hospital appointment.”

Of course Zane did, you sigh to yourself. He probably had the text sent before your car left the drive. “Everything go okay with it?”

“Haven’t gone yet,” you admit. “I was thinking…” you chew on your bottom lip, thinking what to say next.

“Natalie’s warned me to give you space and let you come to me, so I don’t want to push or anything, but…”

“You can come if you want,” you blurt out. “I mean… it’s your baby too.”

“And I won’t be stepping on anyones toes?” he asks.

“I guess you should be coming to the appointments,” you shrug at him.

“My cars in the drive,” he says pointing over his shoulder. Of course he’d want to drive. It’s not like he can give up even the smallest amount of control.

“And my cars right here,” you weren’t going to let him take over. He nods at you quickly before running around to the other side of the car and climbing in.

It’s a quiet drive to the hospital, which you’re thankful for. You can feel David stealing glances at you as you drive, but you try and ignore it. You can’t be dragged into a discussion with him. Not when you have no idea what you would say. Luckily David doesn’t push anything and you get to the hospital without having to really talk about anything.

………………

“So does this thing like tell you if it’s a boy or girl?” David pokes at the scan machine as you lay up on the bed waiting for the doctor to come in.

“if you break that thing you’ll have to sell your car to pay for it,” you hiss at him causing him to pull his hand away from it.

‘Sorry,” he mumbles. “I just don’t know about these things. I mean I’ve never…”

“Knocked up an ex wife before?” the sarcasm drips off of your words causing David to raise an eyebrow at you.

“So we’re not avoiding the subject?”

“Like we could avoid it,” you sigh as you shake your head. “I mean look at me, I’m getting bigger by the hour.”

“I think you look beautiful,”

“David,’ you warn. “Don’t.”

“Hey you can be mad at me all you want, but I can comment on how beautiful you look. That’s not going to change.”

“I don’t even know what to say to you anymore,” you sigh. You run a hand through your hair.

“That’s our problem, Y/N,” David pulled the seat up next to the bed your laying on and sits down.

“Oh I’m glad you’ve figured out our problem,” you say sarcastically. “Thank god for you.”

“Our problem,” David says, ignoring your little outburst. “Is that we’re not honest with each other. We haven’t told each other what we’re feeling in so long. Now the both of us are just trying to guess each others problems. Do you know the other week I was convinced our whole problem was Natalie?”

“And what’s Natalie got to do with it?” you ask confused.

“I was looking back to try and figure out when our problems started and I figured it was around the time I asked Natalie to move to LA and work with me. She moved in and things changed. I thought you might be jealous or something. Think there is something going on with me and Natalie. I even talked to Natalie about it?”

“And what did Natalie say?”

‘She said she thought our problems started long before she got there.”

“And what’s why you should give that girl a raise,” you smirk. “She’s always been smarter than you.”

“So you’re not jealous of Natalie?”

“If I wanted a sibling relationship with you like the one you have with Natalie, then the things we’ve done to each other over the past four years would be sick,” you answer dryly.

“Okay so it’s not Natalie,” David says with a deep sigh. “That means it’s my work.”

“David why are we doing this now?”

“Because we need to fix this,” David answers. “And we have a baby on the way. We need this relationship…”

“What relationship?” you interrupt. “David we’re divorced.”

You watch his eyes dart to the floor and you know he’s about to tell you something. “Well.”

“Oh god what now,” you groan loudly. “If you’re about to break another secret to me then don’t bother. I’ve had enough of your little announcements.”

“This isn’t a secret,” David says quickly as he looks at you. “I only found this out myself about an hour ago. I got a call from my lawyer.”

“And why are you getting calls from your lawyer?” you ask confused.

“Well when you first filled for divorced it was right when we broke up,” David explains. “But we took so long to sign the papers that they sort of… went out of date.”

“Went out of date?” you ask. “And what the hell does that mean?”

“My lawyer said when a judge looked at the papers and he rejected them because they were not binding.”

“And why the hell not?” you snap. “What did you do this time?”

“This time I didn’t do anything,” David answers. “You filed for the divorce but you didn’t serve me the papers until ten months later. And when the judge looked at them he realised they had expired. So he rejected the divorce and told my lawyer you have to file again.”

“So we’re not divorced?” you ask confused.

“Legally no,” David answers. “You’re going to have to file again.”

You groan loudly as you bury your face in your hands. “What kind of fucked up tv show are we living in?”

“Yeah it’s pretty weird,” David nods.

“Are you smiling?” you ask as you lift your head up.

“No,” David answers with a straight face.

“Because I don’t have the energy for this right now,” you admit. “I can’t file them again. You’re going to have to do it this time.”

“I’m not filing for divorce from my pregnant wife,” David says with a frown. “Just so my kid can grow up and think I divorced its mother months before it was born. No thank you. If you want a divorce so bad, you do it.”

“David that first time almost broke me,” you admit quietly. “I don’t think I can go through all that again. I can’t deal with that and being pregnant at the same time.”

“We could put a pin in it,” David suggests. “Focus on you and the baby and deal with everything else later.”

“Forget everything that’s happened over the past few months?” you ask.

“That’s what I’m saying,” David says with a smile. “Y/n we’ve got so much to look forward to. Why focus on the bad that’s happening?”

“I guess we are stuck with each other,” you sigh causing David to frown.

“Yeah, love you too,” he adds sarcastically.

“You know what I mean,” you smile. “No matter what happens now. We’re going to be in each others lives forever.”

“I don’t have a problem with that,” David smiles.

“Guess I could have picked a worse baby daddy,” you sigh.

“Yeah,” David nods. “Like Zane.”

“Hey don’t knock Zane,” you say. “That man has been giving me back and foot rubs for weeks now. He’s an angel.”

“He’s a dead man who’s going to get a nasty surprise with a paintball gun when I get out of here,” David grumbles.

…………………….

The nurse enters the room as you and David are teasing each other with bad baby names. She silently sets up the machine as you and David nervously watch her every move.

“Now this will show you the baby and I will let you hear the heartbeat. You can also find out the sex at this appointment, but a lot of parents decide not to.”

“Do you want to know?” you ask looking towards David. His eyes are focused on the screen in front of him, waiting for something to appear.

“I’m praying for a girl,” David answers as you give him a funny look. “Come on Y/n what am I going to do with a boy. What if he wants to play golf and go fishing?”

“Then you give him to Uncle Heath for the weekend,” you answer. “You honestly think you could cope with a girl? Tea parties and make up?”

“I’m more comfortable with that than fishing and golf,” David answers. “But knowing my lucky whatever the baby is, it’s going to take after it’s Uncle Zane. I mean it will probably be living with him,” he adds with a moan.

“Thought we were focusing on the good,” you remind him.

“Right,” he sighs as you both turn back to the nurse. “So what weird cloud is our baby?” he asks, nodding at the screen.

“I…” the nurse pauses as she presses a few buttons on the screen. “I think I’m going to have to go and get the doctor.”

“Why?” David asks.

“Oh god it’s twins isn’t it?” you groan. “Twins run in my family. It’s twins, isn’t it?

“Y/n,” David says reaching for your hand.

You look at the nurses face and instantly know there’s something wrong. “What’s wrong with my baby?”

“Is there a heartbeat?” David asks.

“There is,” the nurse nods. “but the doctor can explain it better. Just let me go get him.”

You watch stunned as the nurse walks out of the room. David is instantly on his feet and looking closely at the screen. “Can you see anything?”

“Did she say there was a heartbeat?” you ask.

David reaches back taking your hand in his and giving it a tight squeeze. “She did. And I can see something moving up and down on the side of the screen. I think that might be it. Maybe the machines broke.”

“And maybe there’s something wrong with my baby,” you say before letting out a sob.

“Hey, hey,” David says instantly pulling you into his arms. “Don’t do that. Don’t freak out when we don’t know what’s going on. What happened to focusing on the good?”

“I know it wasn’t planned,” you whisper as you bury your face into David’s chest. “But I already love it. I can’t lose it now.”

“You’re not going to lose anything,” David whispers as he kisses the top of your head. “I promise you, I wont let anything happen to you or our baby. I promise.”

You silently let David rock you back and forth until the nurse comes back with the doctor and starts looking at the machine. You and David stay close together and watch as they both stand in front of the machine and whisper. Once they both finish whispering the doctor turns and looks at you both.

You want to ask if your baby is okay, but nothing is coming out. So you look at David and he takes over. “Is that baby okay? You’re starting to freak us both out. I mean there’s a heartbeat isn’t there?”

“There is,” the doctor nods. “And a very healthy one,” he adds.

“So why all the whispering?”

“Okay let me show you something,:” the doctor says as he wheels the machine closer to the bed. “Okay this little cloud here,” he says pointing towards the machine. “That’s your baby’s head.”

“Okay,” David nods slowly.

“And right behind it here,” he says pointing to another part of the screen. “Right behind the neck is a little white smudge. That little white smudge is fluid. This shows that your baby has fluid in its neck.”

“And that’s bad?” you ask. Finally finding the strength to say something.

“it indicates a few things,” the doctor answers.

“Look can we stop with all the cautious talk about just tell us what’s wrong with our baby,” David snaps.

“Fluid in the neck can sometimes indicate the baby has down syndrome,” the doctor says quickly. “Now we don’t know for sure. There are tests we can do, but if it is, there are steps we can take?”

“Steps for what?” David asks. “you can’t reverse down syndrome, can you? It’s not something that can go away, can it?” he asks angerly causing you to frown.

“David…”

“No Y/n I know what steps they’re talking about,” David says annoyed. “I remember my Mom went through this when she was pregnant with Toby. If they find out the baby has downs they can offer you an abortion. That’s the next step this doctor is talking about.”

Your whole body goes cold as you look at the doctor. Hoping he’s going to correct David, but he only puts his head down.

“Come on Y/n,” David says as he helps you off of the bed. “Shove your tests,” he adds as he looks at the doctor. “We’ll be going somewhere else next time.”

You allow David to help you off the bed and out into the corridor. You feel his strong hands holding your waist as he walks you towards the elevators. Before you can reach for them you hear the nurse calling after you.

“I’m sorry,” she says once she’s finally caught up with you both. “I know this is a shock. And the doctor could have probably broke the news a little better than he did. You don’t have to have those tests if you don’t want to. It’s completely up to each couple. but I thought you would want this.” She says as she hands you an envelope.

“What is it?” you ask taking the envelope from her hand.

“It’s the scan pictures of your little boy,” the nurse says with a smile before turning and walking away.

“Boy?” David breathes out as he leans back against the wall.

You study the pictures in your hand before looking back up at David. “Looks like you might have to learn how to fish after all,” you say with a sad smile.

David smiles at you softly. “Lets just get you home,” he says as he wraps his arm around you.

AN: This exact thing happened with my Aunt when she went for a scan. She had the test and found out the baby did have downs. The baby is now 18 and he’s doing great. I have no idea if I should write the baby as having downs or make it a false alarm. Feedback would be great.

#david x reader #david dobrik #davids vlogs #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik imagines #vlog squad

133 notes · View notes

mitchmarnier · 6 years ago

Text

when tomorrow comes (i’ll be on my own)

rating: mature

pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier

summary: Richie pushed himself up on his elbows and smirked. “You know, Eddie my love, we suddenly have great potential right here. Don’t you remember what it was like? Back in Derry… all the sneaking around, the thrill of getting caught all the time? What an adrenaline rush!”

“What a constant risk of anxiety attack you mean,” Eddie corrected, but he was grinning too. “But yeah, it was pretty exciting. What’s your point?”

“What if… and really hear me out here, Eds… we just let them think we were broken up?”

chapter count: 1/5

“Hey, buddy, how you doing?”

Richie Tozier tugged one earbud out and looked up at his room mate in confusion. He and Stanley Uris had grown to be good friends in the last two years that they’d been together in the college dorms- though, Richie had been surprised when Stan had been willing to agree to room with him a second time. They were all salt and nothing sweet, such different souls in one confined space, it was very rare that they were ever particularly gentle with one another. It was only ever when something was seriously wrong that they’d drop their harsh outer friendship and show through what they really were- best friends who cared deeply for one another.

Richie couldn’t think of anything that would have caused Stan to drop his sodium levels. He wracked his brain of everything that had happened over the last forty eight hours, but it threatened to give him a headache. He couldn’t focus on that and his English Lit paper. “I’m fine? This paper’s a killer, though. Mathers can suck my dick.”

A worried crinkle appeared between Stan’s brow and Richie’s heart picked up slightly. Had something really bad happened and Richie had just totally forgotten? Oh shit, had he repressed some sort of terrible experience from today? Did Stan know something that he didn’t, what-

“Pats and I are going to Floats tonight for dinner,” Stan broke through Richie’s internal panicking’s. Stanley had recently started going out with a girl from his Algebra course, though it had been a nearly year long struggle for Richie, having to watch Stan pine over her when it obvious that the girl had been just as smitten. For whatever reason. “Did you want us to bring you back some curly fries? I know they’re your favourite.”

Richie’s eyebrows disappeared completely behind his moppy bangs. Stanley has never, not once in the nearly two years they’d known each other, offered to pick up food for Richie. No matter how much Richie had begged him to. “I- Yeah, man. That… That’d be great. Thanks?”

Stan nodded once, and reached out to squeeze at Richie shoulder, before turning and walking from their shared living space. Richie shook his head slightly, confused but also looking forward to Floats’ curly fries, he’d barely turned back to his computer before his phone was lighting up. Beverly Marsh’s face lit up the screen and Richie almost declined, assuming it was a butt dial. Beverly Marsh did not make phone calls, that was just a known fact.

“Bev?” Richie inquired lightly, hoping that he’d get to listen in on some sort embarrassing private conversation and not Bev getting busy with her boyfriend. Richie had been burned before.

“Hey, Rich! How are you doing?” Bev’s too-chipper voice rang through the speaker and Richie had to frown.

“Why is everybody asking me that?” Richie asked, hearing the whine in his voice. “I’m peachy fucking keen. Nothing wrong on Rich Bitch front.”

Bev made an annoying sympathetic noise on the other end and Richie really did feel as though he were going to tug his own curls out. “Ben and I got Infinity War on DVD.” Bev continued. “Did you wanna come over and watch it with us tonight? We can cry into giant bowls of popcorn then obsess over online theories on how its going to get resolved.”

Richie hummed. “I would love to, Bev, but I actually have to get this stupid fucking English Lit paper done or I’m going to flunk out.”

“Oh. Okay.” Beverly sounded almost disappointed… no, not disappointed? Worried? Maybe worried. “Text me if you need anything, yeah?”

“Sure, Bev,” Richie said, pinching the brim of his nose. “Whatever.” Richie clicked end on the call and tossed his phone onto the comforter. He only looked at his blank document for a moment before grabbing his phone once again and scrolling through the contacts.

to: angel baby boy: hey bbyy im super fucking stuck on this damn English lit paper can i come over plsssss ill love u forever

from angel baby boy: you’re already going to love me forever but ofc doors unlocked see u soon *kiss emoji*

Richie scrambled up from his bed, throwing on what he knew were Eddie’s favourite pair of grey sweatpants, and started throwing his things into worn down backpack. He’d had it since early high school, and he knew he was going to tear a hole right through it soon enough, but he couldn’t be bothered to get a new one before that happened.

He’d only bounced out the door to his dorm before he almost ran smack into Audra Phillips. He hadn’t known the girl long, she’d only transferred to their college a few months earlier, but their majors ran into very similar circles and he’d only seen more of her since she’d started seeing Eddie’s room mate, Bill. She was a nice girl, if not a little bland, and Richie enjoyed her company. She was, of course, not somebody he expected to see standing outside his dorm room with two cups of Starbucks.

“Hey,” she said, blinking up at him. She almost seemed that she was as surprised to find herself here as Richie was to see her. “I brought you a coffee? Chocolate mocha frapp, right?”

Richie made a happy noise and took the cold drink from Audra’s awaiting hand. “Dude, I love seven dollar drinks. What do I owe this tongue-numbing pleasure?”

“I figured that the English Lit paper was kicking your ass,” Audra said lightly. “Amongst… other things. Thought I’d be friendly.”

Richie crinkled his nose up, green straw almost in his mouth. If one more person implied that something was wrong when Richie had absolutely no idea what that could be, he might actually start screaming. But Audra was smiling so sweetly at him, and as far as Richie knew the girl had never done anything wrong in pretty much her entire life, he just nodded at her and thanked her again for the drink. They exchanged a few more civil pleasantries before Richie excused himself and made it the rest of the way to Eddie and Bill’s room.

Eddie was seated in his bed, surrounded by his mountain of yellow pillows and wrapped up in his soft green comforter. Eddie had, without a doubt, the most comfortable bed Richie had ever been in. That was, possibly, a little bit of a bias but it was true. The only good thing that Richie thought Sonia Kaspbrak had ever done- besides actually giving birth to Eddie- was insisting he get so many pillows and blankets to make his dorm bed safer for her Eddie Bear. Eddie seemed to hate it, tossing most of the pillows to the foot end of his bed when actually going to sleep, and using the green comforter only, but Richie absolutely loved it and Eddie always put the pillows back at the head when he knew Richie was coming over.

Richie had known Eddie easily as long as he’d known anybody. He supposed the only people he would have known longer were his parents and older sister, meeting Eddie at his orientation of kindergarten. The older they’d gotten, the harder Sonia Kaspbrak had tried to push them apart, and all the closer they’d grown. By seventh grade, it was almost impossible to find one without the other. RichieTozierandEddieKaspbrak. Richie had probably been in love with him even back then, but they’d only made the jump to boyfriends near the end of sophomore year. Despite a few short, drama-filled fights and break ups, they’d been together ever since.

“So, did like… my mother die and everybody forgot to tell me?” Richie asked, chocolate coffee dripping down the corner of his mouth.

Eddie startled, sitting up on his pillow mountain and shoving his laptop aside. “What? What happened to your mom? Rich-“

“No! No, no,” Richie started shaking his head, dropping down beside him. “Mags is fine, she texted me this morning. I just… I’ve had the weirdest fucking afternoon.”

“So you decided you’d make a joke about your mom dying?” Eddie squawked, cheeks starting to turn pink. “What the fuck, Richard?”

“I just…” Richie sighed. “Bev invited me over, Audra brought me coffee. Stanley offered to bring me home curly fries from Floats? I am like… dying and don’t know it?”

Eddie shook his head slightly, frowning, before slapping a hand over his mouth. “Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Fucking Bill…” Eddie chuckled. “Do you remember last week when you forgot about breakfast and I was super pissed? Didn’t talk to you all day?”

“Uh, yeah, vividly.” Richie grumbled, jutting out his bottom lip. “You’re the one who tried to make plans with me when I was half asleep, you know. You should know better than that after 18 years, Eds.”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie rolled his eyes. “But no, I was super pissed off and I ranted to Bill. I might have sort of said I was going to break up with you. Guess he thinks that I did… and he told everybody.”

Richie’s mouth dropped open. “Everybody is being nice to me because they think I got dumped? What the fuck! Why would you tell Bill you were going to break up with me?”

Eddie shook his head and took Richie’s hand in his. “I tell you I’m going to break up with you twice a week. I didn’t realize that somebody else would take it so seriously. We’ll just tell everybody that we didn’t break up, or that we got back together, or whatever…”

Richie pushed himself up on his elbows and smirked. “You know, Eddie my love, we suddenly have great potential right here. Don’t you remember what it was like? Back in Derry… all the sneaking around, the thrill of getting caught all the time? What an adrenaline rush!”

“What a constant risk of anxiety attack you mean,” Eddie corrected, but he was grinning too. “But yeah, it was pretty exciting. What’s your point?”

“What if… and really hear me out here, Eds… we just let them think we were broken up?”

Panic moved quickly across Eddie’s face. “You want to break up? Richie, what the fuck, since when, why didn’t you-“

Richie clapped a hand over Eddie’s panic-rambling mouth. “No, no, shut up, I don’t want to break up. Ever. Jesus Christ, no. I’m just saying… if we let everybody think we’re broken up, we could have that thrill of sneaking around again. It could be fun, you know, keeping it a secret. Kind of kinky, definitely hot.”

Eddie still didn’t look convinced, but his cheeks had started to warm up under the idea. “It would never work. You couldn’t pull it off.”

Richie made a loud, offended noise. “I couldn’t pull it off? You’re the one who won’t be able to keep their hands off all of this.” Richie gesturing up and down his body, waggling his eyebrows.

“I’d fake puking right now, but you’re wearing those stupid grey sweats and you know I’m weak for them,” Eddie muttered under his breath, looking highly put out. Richie burst out laughing and draped himself around Eddie’s mid-section. He pressed his face into his stomach and blew a raspberry over top of Eddie’s T-shirt. “Admit it, Eddie Spaghetti, you would absolutely blow it before I would. Without a doubt.”

Eddie tangled his hand in Richie’s messy curls, pushing him away from his stomach, but keeping his fingers deep in the curls. “Care to put your money where your trash mouth is, Tozier?”

“First off all,” Richie grinned before bouncing forward and kissing Eddie deeply. He dug his teeth into Eddie’s body lip and tugged slightly. Eddie made a small whimpering noise when Richie pulled back, when only caused Richie grin to grow. “You love my Trashmouth and all the trashy things it can do. Secondly, when have you ever known me to turn down a bet?”

“Not often enough,” Eddie looked mildly horrified, no doubt remembering the stupid ass things Richie had done on bets and dares in the many years he’d known him. “But we can discuss the arrangements of this bet you’re going to loose those your fucking pants off?”

Richie cackled.

#reddie #reddie fic #it fanfiction #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #my writing #when tomorrow comes

148 notes · View notes

rainbowplaidvirgil · 6 years ago

Text

Maybe today, it'll be better

Read me on AO3!

After having a fallout with his father, Virgil hasn't spoken to him in 10 years. Now, forced to confront him at Christmas dinner, what will he say? Meanwhile, a brother, a tenant turned son, and a dissafected teen try and fail to recreate the past. Can they fix the unfixable?

Words: 3639

Relationships: Familial CALMD

Warnings: sympathetic deceit, mentions of past trauma, mentions of mental illness, fainting

Written for @sanderssidesbang, and I can’t wait to see the art for this done by @skittlesun!

Virgil sighed, checking over his purple plaid overshirt for any lint once again. In reality, he was just procrastinating, but he didn’t want to admit that to himself. His twin brother stood in the doorway, looking fucking immaculate in a yellow button-down, black suit vest, and black slacks, as usual, watching Virgil fuss.

“You nervous?” Dee asked, somewhat rhetorically. Of course Virgil was nervous. He was always nervous. But especially now.

“You know, Dad isn’t gonna like, freak out at you if there's a piece of lint on your shirt.”

“Shut up.”

Dee let out a little hum, approaching him and picking a stray white thread off of his shirt and flicking it away. “You missed one.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“How come you haven’t talked to Dad in so long?”

Virgil froze. He had been expecting the question, but it still knocked all of the air out of him. How did he explain that as much as he would love to have a relationship with his father, it wasn’t going to happen, because Patton didn’t want to talk to him?

“Virgy?”

The nickname was like a slap in the face to Virgil. It had been so long since Dee had called him that, it had to have been what, ten, fifteen years? It reminded them of when they had just moved in with their adopted father, and Virgil’s panic attacks got the best of him more often and not. God, how things have changed. But also, how they’ve stayed the same. He still feared that their father hated him in secret, but now, that fear was much more plausible. The thought was nauseating. How could he have been so stupid? He knew Patton didn't want to get help, why did he push it if he knew it was just going to make it worse?

A hand on his shoulder jerked him out of his spiraling thoughts.

“Virgy. Virgil. Breathe, man. You’re okay.”

Virgil almost laughed. Ten years ago, those would have been fighting words from Dee. How Dee had changed too. Through years of therapy, he had stopped talking in opposites. The first time he spoke like a normal person, it threw Virgil for one hell of a loop. It almost made him motion sick just thinking about.

He took a deep breath in and offered his brother a watery smile. Dee squeezed his shoulder in response.

“Listen, you don’t- you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want. But you should. Because whatever shit Dad decides to throw at you, I wanna be there for you, because you're my brother.”

“Its- its nothing Dad did, I’m just a dumbass who can’t keep his mouth shut,” Virgil ran a hand through his hair nervously, giving himself a glance in the mirror. He was gonna look a nervous wreck before they even got into the car at this rate. Nothing unusual, he supposed.

“I just- remember how Dad used to have all.those nervous breakdowns all the time but would just lock himself in his room instead of, I dunno, getting help? I tried to make him get help and he really didn't want to. We ended up getting into an argument about it and- I said some things I shouldn't have- and now he hates me. “

“Lie of omission,” Dee accused.

“Excuse me?”

“I think maybe you both said some things you shouldn't have said. I also don't think he hates you but that's a debate I don't want to get into. Now, I realize that there are way better times to bring this up, but there are two people you don't know that are gonna be there.”

“What?” Virgil hissed, his eyes landing on Dee's face venomously. Dee held up his hands in surrender.

“Yeah, they've been coming to Christmas for a few years. This guy that used to live in the building Dad owns and his son. The guy’s only a few years younger than us. Kid’s 17.”

Virgil went to say something, then paused.

“Wait… if he’s only a few years younger than-”

“The kid’s adopted, forgot to mention that.”

“Oh. Lie of omission.”

“Shut up,” Dee gently shoved his twin brother, who just stuck out his tongue. “You almost ready to go?”

Virgil took a deep breath, giving himself one last once-over in the mirror. He still thought Dee was dressed so much better than he was, but there was no changing that. Whatever he wore, Dee would look better than him in whatever he wore. Which was weird, because they were twins, but such was life, he supposed.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

The car ride there was relatively silent. Dee fiddled with the radio every time they got to a stoplight, and normally Virgil would be fighting him about it, but all of his energy was currently focused on maintaining his thin veil of composure. He was not gonna freak out in the car, because if he did that they were gonna be late and he was not gonna stand for that shit one bit.

Dee glanced over at him nervously. He was catching on to the fact that Virgil was being weirder than normal. He turned the radio to some bubblegum pop station and Virgil felt his eye twitch, but he still didn't dare say anything. He was afraid he would snap at Dee if he did.

Dee’s expression grew more concerned when Virgil didn’t respond to the upbeat synthy hell that was blasting from the radio speakers. He ended up just turning the radio off, and they sat in suffocating silence for the rest of the drive. By the time they got to the familiar house, Dee’s grip on the steering wheel was white-knuckled, and Virgil was sitting his sadness on an elbow, staring out the window. He noticed there were two cars in the driveway already, Patton's familiar baby blue jeep, and another beat down red car. That must be the other guy and his son. Virgil felt himself bristling already and tried to shake it off. He hadn’t even met them yet and he already hated them. Hah. Just the way he felt about Dad when he met him. He didn’t know whether or not that was a good sign.

“We’re here,” Dee said.

“Mhm.”

Dee looked over at him, that look in his eyes again.

“You gonna be okay?”

“Maybe. Probably. I dunno. We’ll find out.” He got out of the car, seeing Patton’s silhouette behind the curtains, heading towards the door. He must have seen them.

The door opened quite forcefully, and there stood Patton, with the same general aesthetic he had had as long as the twins had known him. Cardigan tied around his shoulders, polo, khakis. He looked softer now, somehow. A little more grey hair, a little less hard around the edges. There were more smile lines.

“Boys!” Patton cried, laugh lines wrinkling at the corners of his eyes, “Come inside, you’re gonna be snowmen in minutes at this rate!”

Dee grabbed Virgil’s wrist and dragged him inside, clearly much happier than he had been just a minute ago. It was a small comfort to know that even after all this time, Dee was still excited to see Patton. But then again, Dee has always been the more optimistic of the two.

Patton pulled Dee into a tight hug, and Virgil hung back awkwardly, ignoring the pang of longing for that to be him. He wondered when things were gonna blow up again, or maybe, some small part of him dared hope, if they were gonna blow up again.

The house looked almost the same as it did ten years ago. It didn’t surprise him, Patton had never been one to let go of much. Bit of a hoarder, in private. He had a storage closet full of memories that Virgil knew he wasn't proud of having, but he just couldn't bring himself to let go of. It still had sort of suffocating coziness. More like a grandmother than a father.

He looked over at Patton and his brother, just in time for them to stop hugging and for Patton to then turn to him. Fuck. So this was happening now. They stared at each other for a few awkward moments, but to Virgil, they dragged out into eons. Patton looked like he was waiting for something, but whatever it was, Virgil wasn't sure he could give it to him. He had no idea where he would even start once he opened his mouth. An apology? An awkward hello? An “it's been so long?”

Luckily, Virgil was spared from having to make any big decisions by another man who came bouncing into the living room. This must have been the guy Dee mentioned earlier.

“Dee! It’s been forever since I’ve seen you! How’ve you been, bro?�� The man shouted, quickly going over to envelop Dee in a hug, and Virgil felt jealousy rear its ugly head in the depths of his soul. Dee was his brother, not whoever the hell this douchebag was. That same bristling feeling from earlier washed over his body like a wave as he dragged Dee off into the kitchen. He definitely didn’t like that guy.

Now it was just him and Patton, standing in the living room in excruciating silence. You know what, fuck Dee too for leaving him. Keep him, mysterious douchebag. He’s all yours.

“Dee said he didn't know whether you would come this year,” Patton finally broke the silence.

“I wasn't sure either until yesterday.” Virgil conceded.

Patton nodded, and the conversation seemed to fizzle out as soon as it started. The awkwardness seemed to press on Virgil's chest, suffocating him. Patton didn't look any more comfortable than he did.

Well, he guessed it was his turn. Might as well start somewhere.

“... It's been a while.”

“Yeah,” Patton nodded to himself, “I'm glad you came. Christmas isn't the same without you.”

“Really? You seemed to replace me fast enough.”

Virgil resisted the urge to slap a hand over his mouth. Wow, he should not have said that, judging by the look of hurt that flashed momentarily over Patton’s face, being replaced with that same steady smile as though it were never there. Another thing that was the same.

“I didn't replace you, kiddo! Roman just is like another son to me! I have three sons!”

That pressing anxiety that was building in Virgil snapped, morphing like an animal into ugly, hot-blooded anger.

“Is that why you haven't invited me to Christmas dinner in ten years? And why Roman seems to know Dee so well he has no problem dragging him away and ignoring me? And you hugged Dee as soon as he got into the fucking door and didn't even acknowledge me until now? No matter how much I tried to fucking apologize for something that wasn't even my fault because I was just trying to help you before I lost another fucking parent! Is that why?!”

His face was hot and probably flushed. Patton stood stiffly in stunned silence. Dee and two other people popped their heads out of the kitchen, sharing nervous glances with each other. But Virgil didn't notice any of this. All he noticed was the way his chest was moving up and down a lot faster than it should and the fact that he just said a bunch of stuff that he shouldn't have said and that the floor was suddenly a lot closer to his face.

When he woke up- wait, when had he gone to sleep? Oh well- it took him a couple seconds to get his bearings. Because this was for fucking sure not his bedroom. It was bright and smelled too much like Patton's living room. That's because it was Patton's living room, he realized.

“Oh. He's awake.” Some teenager that he didn't recognize observed as he sat up. He looked like a nerd. Square framed glasses, necktie. Couldn’t be older than 17,18. He didn’t seem too concerned about anything.

“Who the fuck are you?” Is the first thing that came tumbling out of his mouth. Wow, his filter really turned off today huh. The back of his mind, some distant part that was still processing what happened immediately before he passed out, wondered where Patton was, but the rest of him was too numb to care. Maybe all the yelling had been cathartic.

“Ah. Pardon me, My name is Logan. I’m Roman’s son?”

“Hi Logan. I don’t know who Roman is so that tells me nothing. Is that my dad’s… ‘Other Son’?” He didn’t like saying those words out loud.

“Yes. Speaking of, Patton told me to go get him when you awoke, so I suppose I should go do that,” he informed, getting up to leave as a bolt of panic shot through Virgil.

“Wait- kid. What happened after I…”

“Passed out?” Logan guessed. Virgil nodded. “Well, Patton screamed so loud I was shocked that none of the neighbors called the police, and then Uncle Dee was at your side so quickly I thought he had teleported for a second and he put you on the couch, and then pulled Patton into the other room and they’ve been talking ever since. About what I am not sure, but both of them seemed distraught. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go inform them you’re awake now.” And with that, he got up and left.

Patton burst in seconds later, bounding over to Virgil much too fast for someone his age and enveloping him in a hug. It was a little bone-crushing, but in a way that was almost comforting. He hadn't gotten a bone-crushing hug in a decade. His dad let go too soon.

“Virgil, you scared me so much!” He exclaimed. “One second you were screaming and crying and the next second you were on the floor! I didn’t know what to do.”

“Yeah, bro, you haven’t done that since like, sixth grade. I don't think Patton ever saw you do that. He was freaking out.” Dee walked over, a glass of water in his hand. He handed it to Virgil who took a sip gratefully.

“Now, I think you two should talk about some things,” Dee looked pointedly at both of them. They seemed to simultaneously curl into themselves. Like father like son, apparently.

“I’m gonna leave you two to talk this out. Logan, come on, I have a project I want your help on,” he commended and walked into the kitchen, the teen at his heels. It was just Virgil and Patton. Again. Virgil decided it would be a perfect time to study the Christmas tree. A fake one, obviously. Nobody in the family condoned the cutting down of a real tree. Half of the ornaments were family heirlooms, impossibly old and fragile looking. The other half were a hodgepodge mixture of cartoon references and ornaments Virgil had made when he got really stressed one holiday season and needed an outlet. Good to know Patton still kept those.

---

Dee ushered Logan into the kitchen, where Roman was already situated, rummaging through the cabinets and mumbling to himself.

“I know it’s here somewhere… Pops has never not had cinnamon in the house, as long as I’ve known him, at least.”

“Yeah, that one’s actually Virgil’s fault. He loved cinnamon when we were younger. Well, he still does, but you get it.”

“Aha, found it!” Roman produced a canister of cinnamon from the cabinet, eyes all aglow in triumph.

“Alright! What else do we need?” Dee flitted over to the open recipe book, the particular page he was looking for was dirtied from years of use, but the recipe was still legible. “Uh… Sugar?”

Roman lifted up a bag of Domino sugar. “Check.”

“Butter?”

“Yup.”

“Eggs.”

Roman slid over to the fridge and peeked inside.

“Affirmative.”

“Flour.”

“On the counter.”

“Baking powder?”

“Uh….”

“It’s also on the counter,” Logan interjected.

“Thanks, kid. Salt?”

“You’re gonna have to go in the living room for that.”

“Dad, I think that was a bit mean.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. Sorry, Dee.”

“Its… fine? Anyway, that's all we really need, so let's get this party started, shall we?” Dee grinned.

“I wasn't aware we were having a party.”

“Expression, Logan.”

“Ah. I should write that down…”

---

“Did you really think I replaced you?” Patton’s voice was near inaudible, and his Cheshire smile faltered for a moment, before dropping entirely.

Virgil let out a breath, playing with the buttons on the sleeves of his flannel mindlessly. Did he? Part of him said yes, that he knew Patton didn't want him anymore so he got another son to replace him, but the rational part of his brain was saying that that was ridiculous. Which was probably right.

“I mean, rationally, no, that’s stupid, but also a little bit?” Virgil explained, staring at his hands as he spoke. “It has been ten years, Patton.”

“I thought you didn't want to be my son anymore.”

Virgil looked up, and Patton was staring at his hands, worrying his lower lip. He couldn't tell if Patton was about to cry, but he looked upset nonetheless.

“What?”

“We didn’t exactly leave off on good terms the last time we saw each other. We both said a lot of bad things and- the last thing you said to me was ‘I give up’ before you walked out the door and didn’t come back. I didn’t know how I was supposed to take that. And then you didn't call for a week so I just assumed that you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“Dad-” It was Patton’s turn to look up in shock, and Virgil realized he’d been calling him Patton earlier. Weird. “I didn't call because I thought you didn't want me to talk to you. I thought you hated me. I really didn't blame you, either. We got pretty nasty but- I was just trying to help, you know?”

“Virgil- kiddo. I didn’t need help.”

Virgil ran a hand through his hair. To start this argument again and risk the shaky sort of progress he’d made? His dad had been suffering, clearly still was. He just wasn’t going to admit it without a lot of pushing.

“Dad, I thought that was a load of bull, and really, I still think it is. Dee used to do the same thing. That whole ‘Everything’s fine’ schtick. I saw it in you and you just- you weren't reaching out, and I could see it affecting you and I couldn’t just sit there and watch you fall apart inside. Because you and Dee are all I’ve got and if I don’t look out for you I couldn’t live with myself.”

Patton, gently, rolled his eyes. “Kiddo, I’m your dad! I look out for you, not the other way around. You don’t need to worry about my problems. I’m great, I promise.”

“If I don’t worry about you, who will? Because you really don’t seem to. Patton, I’m a grown adult, you really don't have to hide your feelings to spare me the worry.”

Patton looked taken aback, and Virgil worried that he had fucked up again. But then Patton spoke again.

“I suppose… you raise a good point, but I just… Feel bad. I don’t want to burden anyone else with my problems.”

An invisible weight lifted off of Virgil’s shoulders. He had admitted it. He had finally fucking admitted that not everything was fine. It was a start.

“Patton- Dad. You wouldn’t be burdening anyone by reaching out. We all have bad days, and we all get sad. But what makes the bad days and the sadness better is having people around you who love you and want to see you happy, and they’ll help you get there. Don't you realize? We want to help you. Because you’re important to us.”

He reached out and grabbed Patton’s hand, looking at him. “Dad, please, let us help you. You don’t have to suffer alone.”

Patton smiled, a real, genuine smile, before enveloping Virgil in a hug. It was nice. Virgil hadn't gotten that type of good hug from anyone other than Dee (and even then, it was rare. Dee wasn’t a fan of hugs;) for a while. He felt secure, like a rock climbing harness. Except that secureness wasn't preventing him from falling to a certain and brutally bloody death at the hands of a jagged cliff face. Virgil didn't like rock climbing.

Their hug was cut short by a loud crash coming from the kitchen. Both of them jumped back, looked at the kitchen, looked at each other, and rushed in.

The scene they were greeted with was an… interesting one. A cloud of cinnamon was settling over the stove, which was rapidly catching on fire despite Logan keeping a fire extinguisher trained on it. Dee was carefully mopping up about six eggs that were cracked on the floor, and roman was leaning dramatically against the wall, looking faint and crying.

“What the hell did you guys do!?” Virgil shouted, gesturing all around the kitchen.

“We tried-” Logan stopped the fire extinguisher, as that situation seemed to be fine now, “we were trying to bake cinnamon cookies I believe? Dee informed us that you enjoyed them so we collectively decided to take a metaphorical stab at them. We clearly were not successful.”

Virgil looked over at Patton, who has his head buried in his hands next to him. He didn't blame him. They basically ruined his kitchen.

“Kiddos, I appreciate the effort, but maybe never try this again, huh?”

They all nodded.

“Now.. to attempt saving the kitchen enough to actually have Christmas dinner.”

“Or we could just order pizza,” Virgil suggested.

“Yeah. Let’s just order pizza.”

#thomas sanders #sandersidesbang #sanders sides #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #patton sanders

38 notes · View notes