#also just like props to him for like not even telling me 😂

[somethingexcessivelyphallic]

GREAT NEWS EVERYONE THE EMO BOY IVE BEEN MAKING OUT WITH IS 1) STILL WEARING BLACK SKINY JEANS And 2) IS TRANS

[thebearer]

Can you imagine reader doing the “do you know a mike wazowski, he said he knows you and his best friend sully from school?” Trend from TikTok On carmen, Richie, fak and uncle jimmy. And they are all stood around thinking where they would know this person from and discussing it for like an hour and then they bring Tina into it 🤣, and then they get annoyed that the person would even think about approaching you and asking you any thing like that 😂🤣.

Also literally obsessed with your writings 💕❤️

committed to the bit, truly, you get sydney to call the phone and you answer it. pretend to have a whole conversation, then come out.

"that was weird."

carmen's head snaps towards you. "what? what was weird?"

"the guy on the phone." you try to keep your face still, knowing your phone is propped in the window. "he called and said he wanted a reservation, i told him we were pretty booked and he could check online, and he said he knew you guys. that he was family."

"family?" carmen's brows crease.

"who's family?" richie comes in, buttoning his suit.

"the guy on the phone."

"what's his name?"

"wazowski?" you furrow your brows. "i think i'm saying it right. wazowski? mike?"

"mike wazowski?" richie repeated, you nodded. he and carmen look at each other.

"i dunno him-"

"-no, is he- fuck." richie pinches the bridge of his nose. "is cicero still here?"

"oh, please, don't tell me there's more." jimmy snides. "thought you two had it under control."

"no, not that." richie rolls his eyes. "who was, uh, neil's cousin? the one that's been married like twelve times?"

"paul?"

"yeah, what's his last name? wazowski?" richie waves his hand.

"wazowski? no." jimmy frowns shaking his head. "wazowski? no, that's uh... who is that?"

"he said he was coming with sullivan." you take a stilling breath to contain your giggles. you know you can't look at sydney or you both will break in laughter. "sully?"

"sully?" richie, jimmy, and carmen question.

"i dunno who any of those people are." carmen huffs.

"yeah you do. is it- is it pete's family?" richie frowns.

"yeah, i think it is. seems like pete's family." jimmy grumbles.

"doesn't he have that weird uncle-"

"-oh shit, yes. at the wedding. god, that guy wouldn't shut up." jimmy groans. "i thought pete was bad."

"don't call him back." carmen looks at you. "if he calls again, just get richie."

"me?" richie scoffs. "why do i have to talk to that guy? i don't wanna talk to that guy. make sugar do it. it's her family."

"yeah but it's your job, jagoff."

they don't realize later, until the video is posted, that it was in fact, a joke.

[thechekhov]

Dungeon Meshi Quick Reacts: CH45

Slumber party!

Fair, but consider: She deserves a little murder. As a treat.

Kabru be like "IS THAT MY BACKSTORY???"

That sure is....a ship. With no one on it.

Ah, shit the Americans are here.

Two things: Toshiro being tended to like a pretty pretty princess is hilarious.

And also, the fact that they think the elves can kill Falin......... hmmm.... Pressing X to doubt.

............... oh. Laios. 😂

But also like. How was he MEANT to keep it silent? Put a little something in it? I thought since it was a magic bell you could code it to only ring when it's shaken with INTENT?

Fancy ass house.

Also, Namari...........are you hitting that yet? Both of that?

Oh, it's backstory time.

Okay one: that's fucking tragic, it sounds like the Elves are just forcing the dungeons closed with no regard for how the ecosystem compensates and what people suffer by being in close proximity......

And another thing: Kabru. Kabru, isn't that what YOU'RE after? Having all the power?

Why is this so much like that one meme where the girls at the party are looking at you.

It's the same picture.

Kabru that's. That's maybe not the way to go about it. you're going to give them MORE reasons to go in.

Nevermind the governor not being into this 'good boy, now sign' talk, Toshiro's kinda right. Ya fucked up Kabru.

No matter how far Laios runs, he cannot escape other people trying to tell him how to live his life. Poor guy. But at the same time...

Is this real? Or a red herring?

Laios' father and mother seemed to be living relatively pious lives. They clearly had a good house, but it didn't seem like they were extremely rich. Then again, perhaps he's just a cousin of royalty? Is that why his parents wanted him to have children?

They want to.... halt the growth of the dungeon? Is this another part of the natural ecosystem of things? Dungeons growing seems to point even more towards the idea that it's a gigantic, fleshpit-like creature instead of simply a construct.

Then again, constructs CAN be creatures. Like the golems.

Elves not understanding how old humans are continues to be hilarious because like.

As humans, we HAVE this same concept of variant aging. Like. Dogs. We understand that dogs live less than us, and mature a lot slower. But this is.... COMMON KNOWLEDGE. Most people do not make it into adulthood without understanding that dogs mature within 1-2 years of their birth.

The fact that elves, a species with FAR more time on their hands, who have lived alongside other races for AGES....... have STILL not got the general concept of aging down....means their education is atrocious. Or they're all not paying attention.

.......this. THIS is the most fascinating concept in this chapter.

The fallen.... turned into MONSTERS.

We know that dying inside the dungeon doesn't mean permanent death. But dying above-ground does.

We know that dying in the dungeon doesn't mean your body turns into a monster (aside from ghosts and ghouls?) ..... but dying aboveground.... DOES......?

WHAT'S THE TRUTH.

👁👁

Hm.

If Kabru and Laios fused, they could almost make one functioning human being.

Senshi just beginning to speak in the middle of his own internal monologue is so real.

...... what's going on there with the expression, buddy?

Bread.......are they STILL carrying around flour with them?! How are they getting bread?!

Also, it's awesome that the eggs are canonically hard to crack, because it makes sense that they don't break during their many fighting events.

Izutsumi really said ◉_◉

Don't tell me Laios, who is sensitive to ghosts has ALSO been seeing things?

Not gonna lie, that's highkey terrifying.

Props to that ghost that's been following Laios around, not ever giving up hope that it can bother him into acknowledging it.

And also - hey, it already saved them once! that means it's probably not evil!

That, or it's the king of the bloody dungeon. Wouldn't that be something!

[zepskies]

Hey Zepskies! I'm a small writer but I'm starting on my ficlet about an oc x ben (soldier boy). I've read so much of your work and just think you are a very talented writer. Do you have any tips on writing ben? it can be vague and I know you're busy so I don't expect a response. :)

Hey there!

First off, welcome and thank you for reading my stories (and for that lovely compliment). 💕

As for your question, writing Soldier Boy (Ben) can be very tricky. It took me a while to fully figure out how to write the character, and I will say, it's a challenge every time I do dive back into this (loveable) asshole.

😂 That said, here are 3 main tips I have for writing his character:

1. Comparable archetypes:

When I started trying to do a character analysis of this guy, I started with who he would've likely looked up to and tried to emulate: Frank Sinatra, Humphrey Bogart, Cary Grant, John Wayne, Indiana Jones, John Winchester, and even Dean Winchester to an extent -- the strong, stoic, man of action archetype.

AKA: The Big Swinging Dick™️ in the Room.

These men are leaders, a "man's man," show no pain, weakness, or vulnerability. (So shove those "soft" emotions down your gullet as much as humanly possible. Real men don't cry, amirite? 🙄)

But the fun thing I find about guys like this is, even though they have a hard shell, being able to pierce the armor somehow and get to the creamy center of their heart can be a very rewarding story indeed.

2. The balance of SB's personality:

Based on what we got in season 3 of The Boys, I find that Soldier Boy's personality is a delicate balance of a few key things:

Arrogant Narcissist: He's a massive ego, selfish with a conflated sense of his own importance. Especially before his capture, he's reached the pinnacle of fame. He's bought into his own hype and the backstory Vought created for him, and he assumes that everyone in his life loves him for it.

As Jensen said of his character in Supes Ain't Always Heroes (check out my review of the book here if you like):

“He’s so fragile and his ego is fragile. Just like Homelander. These bigger-than-life powerful heroes really have a glass jaw… “And everyone walks on eggshells around him [Soldier Boy], and they tell him that they love him, and it’s the same with Homelander. Then when all of a sudden he faces his old team and Crimson Countess says we never loved you, we hated you—that’s a gut punch for him. Because even though on some level he may have known that, he never thought he would hear it. “And he probably propped himself up around trying to believe otherwise, because how can you walk around knowing everyone you’ve ever cared about hates you? It’s too painful.” (191)

Womanizing Misogynist: That entire scene with SB and Grace in Nicaragua tells you all you need to know about how Soldier Boy talks to, treats, and views women. 🙄 Again, he's a narcissist, so he assumes women are going to be into him because he's the world's biggest superhero, because he's handsome, because he's that guy.

The problem is, he is devastatingly handsome and impressive as a superhero. And my headcanon is he can be very charming when he wants to be. Again, using his skills as an actor and channelling that old-world debonair charm to get what he wants. (i.e. Cary Grant, etc.)

Violent and Indifferent to Collateral Damage: This is a key one, because this is part of what makes him different from Homelander. SB is not a psychopath. He doesn't necessarily enjoy hurting people. He just doesn't care about the collateral damage.

He also can't tolerate a perceived slight to his masculinity or status, like when Black Noir tried to rise up in the ranks and come into his own as a movie star. Soldier Boy, in his selfishness, saw that as Noir trying to come for his crown, in a sense, which is why he ultimately showed his mean streak through violence.

When he gets back to the U.S. after escaping Russia, he's on a warpath of vengeance against his team who sold him out, and anyone who gets in his way.

"If they have it coming," he tells Hughie.

3. Soldier Boy is both less and more than what he represents: (AKA: His insecurities)

As we know, Soldier Boy didn't really storm Normandy or fight the Nazis. He falls short of every definition of a hero. However, he's also not just a caricature of toxic masculinity.

Ben has deep-seated insecurities that he buries under all the bravado and the Soldier Boy persona. He was also emotionally abused by his father, who set exacting standards for what it meant to be a man.

It drives Ben to try and prove his worth to his father, though he’s never able to. It fosters the lack of self-worth he feels as he seeks validation through fame and what he believes power to be.

He won’t be one to easily admit he’s wrong, or need help, or express emotions he deems are “soft.” He doesn’t want to look weak or demean himself, let alone be genuinely vulnerable, despite likely wanting that connection with someone.

He uses coping mechanisms like drugs to mask and dull his PTSD, but even in his heyday, I think he drugs and parties hard just to pass the time, and to mask how actually empty he is inside. He has no real love in his life, and no family. It's why he admits to Hughie that he wanted kids. Deep down, he wants a family to fill that void that fame, booze, drugs, and meaningless sex can't fill in his life.

So with all of that flawed, internal mess that is Soldier Boy, the biggest challenge I find as a romance writer is trying to keep all of these aspects of his character, while trying to show the glimmers of the humanity in Ben -- the chink in his armor showing just enough softness to the one person who's brave enough to "try" with him.

That said, I hope all of this helps! 💚

[deliciouskeys]

Cozy Corner Domaystic prompts #16: Going through immigration and #24: Identity theft.

Guys. Guys, I’ll be honest. I have no idea what possessed me. I think I found these two prompts as some of the most challenging to imagine as a domestic fic, and… my thinking got a little bit too outside the box.

This fic will have an intended audience of about 1 (me). But I want to give major major props to @olliveolly who introduced me to this game and was the one who came up with this That’s Not My Neighbor / Boys crossover AU (with a couple lovely art pieces on the theme). The “lore” of this horror game is very simple. Tell me you don’t see it:

Butchlander. That’s Not My Neighbor crossover/AU. Rated E (why). 3.3k words (why). 2nd person to allegedly reflect the feeling of first-person gameplay (why). Is this domestic fic? Welllllll. It takes place in an apartment complex so it counts, right? Lax interpretation of ‘going through immigration’ but honestly that’s what this game really reminds me of 😂 AO3 link

Another day, another interminable shift working as the concierge in the dreary lobby of this apartment complex. It was exciting at first, sure, what with getting to play the first and last line of defense against the doppelganger monsters that attempt to sneak in every single day. But you’ve just gotten too good at noticing discrepancies. Nothing gets past you anymore. You know every single feature- hell, every single freckle! -of every single resident in the building. By this point you’ve got all their phone numbers memorized, for no better reason than there is simply too much tedium to this job. You find yourself wishing you could actually watch the D.D.D. ‘decontaminate’ the lobby, as they so euphemistically put it, instead of just sitting there twiddling your thumbs behind a pulled down rollup metal shutter after summoning them. You could still make out screams without seeing the brutality, and you knew the D.D.D. employed flame throwers and other serious weapons to deal with these monsters. Sometimes you caught yourself feeling just a little bit of sympathy for the doppelgangers, even though their main goal in life appeared to be to imitate people to blend in and then feed upon human flesh, and your main goal in life was supposed to be to ensure none of them would ever get let in through the locked inner door.

John Gillman comes in through the first door and gives you a tired, nominal wave before fishing around in his pockets for his documents to gain entry. He might be your favorite resident— always polite, always in that clean-cut milkman uniform at least when you happen to see him, because no one really leaves the apartment building outside of work obligations. There’s no nightlife in New York anymore, not with everyone nervous of dark alleys or being alone on the street, especially after dark. When you came over here from London, you certainly didn’t expect to get stuck here during a worldwide apocalyptic event like this that has resulted in curfews and lockdowns. You certainly didn’t expect to get zero action and get a mindnumbing job just to make ends meet. It was probably still more interesting than your gig working as a bouncer back in London, but at least you got fresh air there, and sometimes a date to go home with after closing time. Maybe that’s why you’ve started hyperfixating and daydreaming about one of the residents— the involuntary celibacy is getting to you.

John just always looks uncannily attractive. Maybe it’s that silly uniform that’s easy to fetishize. Maybe it’s because his tired eyes also look like bedroom eyes, or the dark circles function the same way eyeliner would. Why is he always so tired anyway? You know he lives alone up there in F03-02. He never gets any visitors either. How much can a person masturbate, really? There’s a rumor around the building that Becca Saunders’ tyke might be his, but you don’t really see the resemblance, and have your doubts that this didn’t just start as a “sleeping with the milkman” joke that got out of hand. People just like to gossip about single mothers. Things like this shouldn’t be considered scandalous. It’s 1955 for god’s sake!

“Sorry, William,” John says, hurriedly shoving his ID and entry request form underneath the glass so you can take take a look. “Almost thought I left my ID at work.”

“Long day, huh?” you ask without expecting a reply, pretending to scrutinize the documents while making small talk. You know this is John. You’d know him from a mile away. But it doesn’t mean you can’t have a little bit of fun. “Looks okay, and you are on the list of people authorized to come and go today. But can you take off your cap?”

John grabs his milkman cap off his head, exposing a mop of blond hair, looking mussed after being under the hat all day. You really wish you could test him, see how far you’d be able to take things before he refused to cooperate. Take off your shirt, John. Gotta make sure it’s really you. You never know these days. But of course you don’t. All you’ll have is your fantasies about breaching every code of ethics and using your master key to gain entrance into his apartment, seducing him, ravishing him right in the middle of what must be a depressing bachelor pad. Give him much darker undereye circles by keeping him up all night. Give this apartment complex a more interesting rumor to spread about the milkman in their midst.

“You’re good to go,” you say and press the green unlock button to let him in. He gives you a wan smile and walks out of view, and you listen to his footsteps ascending the stairs.

The rest of the afternoon is uneventful, only a few people coming and going, and a couple of doppelgängers with laughably strange appearance or bad credentials being dispatched quickly. Or at least it’s uneventful until John walks in, just a little bit past curfew.

“Hey William,” he says, sounding distracted, rummaging in his pockets for his documents as a cold sweat breaks out on your forehead. This better be a doppelganger, you think to yourself. But he has both his ID and the entry request filled out correctly. He looks identical to the John that passed by here a couple of hours earlier. This can’t be.

You start dialing John’s number, not taking your eyes off the man in front of you.

John’s eyes widen with alarm when he sees that you get an answer from the other end of the line.

“Yes, hello? John here. I’m not expecting any visitors.”

You hang up pretty abruptly, staring at the John in front of you, searching his appearance for any subtle defect or inconsistency but finding none. Your finger is hovering over the alarm button.

“Oh my god. Oh my god, you think I’m someone else? It’s me, William! I swear to god it’s me! I don’t know who you let in earlier, and who’s answering the phone now, but it’s not me up there!”

And shit, you believe him. You must have fucked up. Gotten smug and sloppy. Maybe the doppelganger handed you a fake ID but you didn’t notice because you were too busy daydreaming about fucking him.

“William, please believe me, please!” John is pressing up against the glass at this point, clearly scared that you’re going to quarantine him in the lobby and sic the D.D.D. on him. They don’t tend to ask questions. You’ve never had it happen, but you’ve heard of innocent people getting snuffed out on the mere suspicion of being doppelgangers, the D.D.D. rarely admitting to such mistakes even after the fact.

“Alright, alright, I believe you. I just have to think…” you mumble. “I’ll let you in, but don’t go up to your flat. We have to figure this out.”

John nods frantically and slips into your office after you buzz him in.

“What are you going to do?” he asks, and if you weren’t scared shitless at the moment, you’d probably get a kick out of how vulnerable and scared his expression is compared to his usual tired, impassive one.

“I should call the D.D.D. and get them to go up there,” you think out loud.

“Won’t you get reprimanded?” John asks, and oh how sweet of him to worry about your job when you’ve fucked up so royally and almost gotten him killed with your negligence. Maybe already gotten some of his neighbors killed.

“I just don’t want you losing your job over this— you’re the best concierge we have,” he says and then looks down shyly, as if realizing how strange that concern is.

What is this? Are you dreaming? Maybe you’re just out of your mind with adrenaline, but John sounds like he’s got feelings for you.

“Let’s just go up there and see what’s going on,” he says, and damn he’s persuasive as fuck. You want to go and deal with the mess you made, and protect him.

“I’ll go up there and just check,” you say, hardly believing yourself as you grab the fire extinguisher from the wall as a makeshift weapon. Everyone who was scheduled to return to the building has, so you shouldn’t get any more legitimate people coming through, but you still tape up a note that you’ll be back at your post in a few minutes. “Right then. You just stay down here and wait. I don’t want you putting yourself at risk. If I’m not back in five, call the number on the post-it.”

John shakes his head and follows you up the stairs. “I’m not letting you go up there alone,” he says in that quiet irresistible voice and you start to wonder if there’s something strange going on. Why are you going on this potentially suicidal mission to deal with a doppelganger on your own? So what if you get fired? No job is worth your life, right? But you probably wouldn’t see John ever again if you lost this job and that’s clouding all your judgment right now.

Knocking on John’s apartment door is probably not a good idea, and will just give the monster inside time to prepare or hide. So you take out your master key and turn it in the lock as quietly and quickly as you can. The door swings opens with an ominous creak, revealing a dark living room with no sign of anyone there. Did he hear you coming up the stairs? You try to keep John behind you and shield him in case anything sudden happens from within the apartment, but then you feel a strong push from behind and both you and John are in the flat now.

You’re so stupid, so critically, fatally stupid. The John you let in earlier was the real one. You’ve let a doppelganger convince you that you made a mistake, and now you did let one in. You whirl around, try to hit him upside the head with the fire extinguisher you’re brandishing, but he blocks the move with little effort.

“I thought we agreed,” he says, and you realize he’s speaking not to you but past you to someone else in the room.

“Thursdays are my days,” an identical voice answers from behind you and you step back and try to make sense of what you’re seeing. Two John Gillmans, both in the same uniform, neither one looking the least bit spooked, both looking mildly irritated if anything.

“Since when,” the John who came up behind you asks of the other one. “I get to be here every other day, doesn’t matter what day of the week it is.”

“So now what are we going to do about him?” the John who was in the apartment asks, pointing to you. “Why didn’t you just leave once he called me? Are you stupid?”

Your heart may be racing, but your thinking feels as slow as molasses. They’re …. both doppelgangers?

“What have you done with the real John Gillman?” you whisper hoarsely. The twins turn to look at you and you’re creeped out by the very similar smirk that spreads across both of their faces. They’re really impeccable facsimiles of the real person, but this is an expression you’ve never seen on John.

“You’ve never met the ‘real John Gillman’,” one of them says.

There’s enough cold sweat that’s broken out on your back that it starts to trickle down as drops.

“We like you William. It would be such a shame for our friendship to end.”

You hold up the fire extinguisher in front of yourself defensively, but you’re not sure you can really do anything against two of them. You’ve never noticed before, and maybe the real John’s teeth didn’t look like this, but the two doppelgangers have sharp looking canines when they’re grinning. It’ll serve you right to get devoured in this dark flat for making so many mistakes and bad decisions in a row today.

“So you’re just going to kill me then?” you ask.

“We’d really rather not,” one of the twins says. “A murder would bring a lot of snooping law enforcement if not the D.D.D. Itself.”

“And it’s so hard to find good lodging to spend the night.”

They must be joking. “You really expect me to believe you’re not just here to eat people?”

One of the twins rolls his eyes. “Eat people! Yeah, that’s why we’re here, clearly.”

“Has anyone in this apartment building ever disappeared in all the months you’ve worked here?” the other one asks.

“How should I know?” You’re beginning to feel like this has to be some sick nightmare. You can’t possibly be having a civil conversation with a couple of cannibal monsters. This thought has a strange calming effect on you. “If I didn’t know you lot were masquerading as John Gillman, how am I to know how many other residents are real people?”

The twins turn to each other, still smiling and shrugging.

“We’ve been on a vegetarian diet for a while,” the other says and you can’t help but bark out a laugh.

“Laugh all you want,” the other one says, spreading his hands in concession. “But milk is more than enough to sustain us. We do think people are delicious, but there’s one thing we like much more than eating them.”

“And what’s that?” you ask, emboldened by the possibility that you’re just in a ridiculous, paranoid, bad dream of a worst case scenario at your job.

“We’ve been watching you William. We think you’ve been interested in us.”

“We’ve never fucked anyone from this building, and never fucked together, but there’s a first time for everything, right?”

You just stand there, fire extinguisher still raised up defensively. No question about it, this must be a nightmare that’s slowly but surely twisting itself into a sexual fantasy.

“Come on, William. Let’s make you comfortable.”

You can hardly protest as one gently pulls your makeshift weapon out of your loose grip, and the other one sweeps you off your feet with preternatural superhuman ease and carries you over to the couch in this sparsely furnished apartment.

Gentle but insistent hands undo the buttons on your trousers and then maneuver you so they can pull them off completely and free your legs.

“Humans are such fun creatures,” one of the Johns comments when he sees that despite your fear of the situation unfolding right now, you are sporting a half-hearted hard-on. It somehow only gets harder when you hear them talk about people as another species.

Both Johns are still fully dressed, situating themselves to kneel on the floor on either side of you. It’s wild. You must be dreaming. And as you watch both Johns lean forward, extending their tongues and licking your cock up and down from opposite sides, you realize that if this is a dream, you never want to wake up.

They know what they’re doing. They bring you right up to the edge of orgasm and then pull away, leaving you feeling desperate and even annoyed. You’re not annoyed for long though as they both strip down, and you see that their human-mimicking powers are perfect, down to the most minute details that would never be seen under clothes. Granted, you don’t know what John Gillman looked like naked, so maybe they’ve taken artistic license and embellished. Whatever it is, they’ve compared notes, because they still look indistinguishable to you.

“Like what you see?” one of them asks and you realize you I’ve been staring, maybe even with your mouth hanging open. You never imagined you’d hook up with a doppelganger, let alone two of them at once. But you have imagined foisting yourself on John in this very flat, and you’re about to live that daydream.

You end up doing things with the two of them beyond what you’ve ever dreamed of. You fuck one of them, and at the same time get fucked by the other one from behind, the cheap bed’s metal joints creaking and moaning from the motion of three bodies rocking against each other. You let them suck your cock and rim you to get you back in the mood for another round, trying not to think about how unsettlingly hungry they both look, and who they really are underneath the human-looking exterior. The exterior slips periodically when they’re in the throes of pleasure. You wince when they betray just how strong they really are, whenever they flip you over or change positions, as if you weigh nothing. You try not to pay attention when their eyes start glowing red when they’re particularly turned on, but it’s impossible to ignore in the darkness of the bedroom.

“William, you are fucking delicious,” one of them declares, licking his lips obscenely after swallowing down your cum, and all you can do is emit a short nervous chuckle, and think that even if they do decide to eat you at the end of all of this— either to cover their tracks, or just because they might start feeling peckish after all this is over— it will still have been worth it.

You don’t get eaten. In fact, you’ve had the time of your life, and as you get up from the bed and mumble that you have to get back to your post before your shift is over, the two Johns lie languid, naked on the bed watching you, each enjoying a post coital glass of milk (that’s all they have in the fridge— you saw when they opened it), like perfect mirror images.

“You won’t be making any unnecessary phone calls, right William?”

“We can count on you to be discreet and keep a secret, right?”

Through the combined haze of being scared for your life and then having the time of your life, there’s still one thing that bothers you, and you ask about it, against all your best self-preservation instincts.

“So what have you done with the real John Gillman?”

They turn to look at each other, not exactly conspiratorial but it still makes you uneasy.

“Oh, John Gillman never existed. We’ve been around a lot longer than you humans think. Many of us never tried to replicate and replace real humans.”

“Yeah, and a lot of good that did when some of us started! The ones who are doing it are the reason we’re being hunted now. Unoriginal hacks. And so bad at mimicking too.”

“So many embarrassing ones out there.” They both nod at each other.

You’d like to believe them. You really would. “So why choose this persona?”

“The milkman gets free milk and gets around in your society! And humans seem to like this look,” one of them says, grinning and gesturing with his hand over their naked bodies.

“But we only ever get to enjoy bored housewives.”

“And why are there two of you?” you ask hesitantly, glancing at the clock on the wall to verify that you’re not late yet.

“Oh there’s more than two of us,” one of them says and they laugh in unison in a way that sends a chill down your spine.

~~~

You think you’ve got it all worked out. You’re letting the John Gillmans stay in the apartment undisturbed, and you let them through even when it’s obvious that there’s more than one of them coming and going. You figure it’s a win-win. They promise to protect the building from any rogue doppelgangers who infiltrate and intend to harm the residents, and in return get a place to stay the night peacefully. You get to visit apartment F03-02 after your shift ends and have mind-blowing sex. They seem to enjoy the orgies as well. They know your shift hours and try to only come and go during those times. There doesn’t seem to be a problem with this arrangement.

Or at least not a problem that you’re going to make into your problem. When one of the Johns walks in, visibly smeared in blood, you do give him a hard time.

“Come on, John. Just because I’ll let you in, doesn’t mean you can just stop trying to look decent. God forbid I call in sick and someone else is here.”

John shrugs and goes through the formality of pushing his ID and entry request under the glass window.

“And get a new ID…” you tell him when you see bloody fingerprints all over the worn paper.

John shrugs, doing his usual tired act, despite how ridiculous it looks to be so bored and nonchalant when he’s smeared in blood.

“Whose blood is that, anyway?” you ask, wondering why you’re not more disturbed.

“Someone who was of no consequence and who won’t be missed,” John replies, terse and cool as a cucumber.

“I thought you said you were vegetarian?”

“I’ll take a cheat day if I run into a wifebeater,” John says, shrugging.

You buzz him in, telling him to get washed up before someone sees him, wondering if you’re being colossally naive to believe his story, and wondering if you’ve got a death wish because you’re still looking forward to going up there once your shift ends in a few hours.

(What in the world. 💀)

ETA: now with another art piece by @olliveolly

[daydream-believin]

a real stand up guy ba dum tss

summary: you get stood up by an internet man. douxie, your waiter and secret admirer, remedies that jackass’s mistake.

warnings: uh. swearing, alcohol, i’m too lazy to proof, the yooj. oh and doux doesn’t know how to handle this crush without getting slightly into stalker territory sorry. its a red flag but i think its cute. you may not think its cute.

a/n: tumblr was glitching while i tried to post this so idk how many paragraphs i accidentally erased. i mean i tried my best to make that number 0. but anyways if something is off let me know. the challenge for this one is that im not allowed to use italics. which you should know was very hard for me agshjfkgjdjh

taglist: @moppetwithamanbun @alovesongshewrote @blixeon @prismarts @fantasyiswaybetterthanreality @ukuleles-and-roses

okay quick psa i know it’s been years so if you want off the taglist just hmu. also if you were on the taglist and got taken off thats bc tumblr says you don’t exist anymore

uh this was a request. i’m not doing requests tho dont think that. looking back yeah that ask if from march 2022 and this doesn’t even match up to what you asked 😂 im so sorry @rose-writes-shit

you took a peek at your watch. 7:34 o’ clock. letting your head fall into the open palm of your propped up hand, you sighed.

coffee meets bagel boy was supposed to have met you at 7:00.

of fucking course. you let your plucky pink-haired coworker convince you to download a fucking dating app and make a profile, just for the only guy who had actually been interested enough in you to ask you on a real date to stand you up. makes sense.

it’s not like you’ve ever had luck with these kind of things. it’s not like you’ve ever had luck period. your kind might be the black cat of humans.

you’ve spent way too long eating the free bread at a mr. benoit’s of all places. it was the “classiest” establishment in the certain suburban hellscape of california you inhabited, albeit. you took in the scenery for the millionth time that night with a renewed sense of disgust. at least now you had a legitimate reason to hate this place.

your waiter slinked over, and you could tell he felt bad for you with the awkward shuffling gait to the pity grimace on his face.

“so, uh, perhaps more bread?”

you rolled your face towards him, arbitrarily throwing animosity his way with your dead eyes, just because he was there. but soon your compulsive desire to be the funniest pathetic wretch in the room won out.

“i’m considering burning this whole place down right now, actually,” you joked.

he grit his teeth, sucking in a breath, “could i perhaps convince you to do that on a night i’m not closing, instead? tomorrow is my least favorite coworker’s turn, for your consideration,”

“hmm,” you pretended to think, “i’ll do that then, it’s only kind,”

“thank you for your generosity,” he grinned, “now, are you still waiting for someone or?”

-

douxie had been watching you for over half an hour now. not creepily. he swears. he just got a little excited when he saw you come into the restaurant is all.

anddd maybe he might have badgered the host into giving you one of his tables. but again, he was just excited. he’s been looking for an excuse to talk to you for the past three months, after all. forgive him for jumping on the opportunity.

he maybe fancied you. just a wee bit. perhaps a rather large bit. or at least, the version of you he’s cooked up in his head from the way he sees you interact with people at house parties and the things he’s heard from zoe.

but he’s sure he’ll love you. as soon as he gets to know who you actually are. which, hopefully, is about to be sooner rather than later.

he did not anticipate this situation, however. whatever benevolent deity blessed him on this night decided to throw a jar of pickled herring in with the otherwise yummy pastry filled gift basket they left for him.

not long after you arrived at 6:56 pm, not that he marked the time you came in or anything he just happened to glance at the clock around that time, he watched you, how they say, deflate. your demeanor shifted from antsy to sad to downright annoyed.

you were dressed nicely. not fancy, not pretending like this wasn’t a benoit’s. but nice. orderly. like you wanted to make a good impression on whoever it was you were expecting to meet. so either a date, or mayhaps a job interview.

not that you didn’t look nice or orderly on other days. you just weren’t in your hex tech uniform shirt. or in the incredibly casual clothes you wore when he saw you around. you were just. clearly cleaned-up, is all.

whoever it was, it was obvious that they were not coming. doux applauded you for being patient enough to wait this long, but again, they obviously weren’t coming. which, if it was a date, was good for him, but bad for you. very bad for you.

and honestly who does this person think they are? letting you down like this? horrible. disgraceful. this person was a grade A jerk-off. they have to be dead from the neck up to leave you waiting here like this, publicly embarrassing you as you sat at a table set for two all alone at one of the busiest restaurants in town. shame on them.

he was glad you seemed to be in the joking mood, however. and about arson, too. oh, he’s always had a soft spot for arsonists.

he hoped you’ll forgive him for having to do his job. if it was up to him, he’d give you all the bread in the pantry just so you wouldn’t leave. but alas, he had to deal the killing blow.

“now, are you still waiting for someone, or?”

your eyes drifted downward to the empty wineglass in your hand as you swirled it sarcastically as if it were still full.

you sighed, “yeah, no, it’s clear he doesn’t plan on showing,” you looked back up at him ruefully, “i’ll order now. i shouldn’t have waited this long for an internet man, anyway, huh? could’ve made it less pathetic.”

“i don’t think there’s a way to make these things any ‘more’ or ‘less’ pathetic,” he began taking out his notepad, ready to write, “because i wouldn’t call it pathetic at all. getting stood up is a thing that’s done to you, not because of who you are, but because of who someone else chooses to be… unless you stole this guy’s car or something. then it’s your fault.”

you laughed. genuinely.

“no, no, it’s a first date. i haven’t known this guy long enough to steal his car yet. but thanks… that’s. a better outlook than mine. kinder,” you apologized, “… uh, can i have like, the cheapest bottle of white wine you’ve got back there? the whole thing this time.”

“i take it back. that definitely made it pathetic.”

while you shared a laugh, douxie mentally congratulated himself. you had just given him the information that a) you were single and b) you were into men. a good day to be a charming single man, then. he had a chance.

“so are you ordering any real food as well? or did you plan on just having wine and bread for dinner? have to say, i don’t think that’s wise, love.”

“well i suppose i gotta, since, i’ve, uh, eaten three baskets of complimentary bread,” you stumbled over your words for a second there, “and i’m sure it’d make the manager mad if it didn’t, right?”

“right you are. he’s uh,” douxie lowered his voice, “he’salreadybeenonmydickaboutyou so yeah, you gotta. plus i’m just— you should eat something, yeah.”

you awkwardly turned your attention to the menu as you did that thing where you hold it and pretend to look over the menu as you order like you forgot or something, “the duck confit sounds good for tonight, i think,”

douxie snorted.

“no, no, that wasn’t a joke,” you shook your head, smiling fondly, “i actually just like duck, i promise. no sarcasm. i do understand the irony though. i get it.”

he didn’t completely believe you, “well then, one order of duck confit, coming right up. be back shortly, love.”

doux grabbed the breadbasket on his way out.

when he glanced back to throw you a short and unnoticeable but longing stare, as he paused in the kitchen doorway, you were fidgeting with the flowers on the table. he should get that order in now.

-

when your waiter came back with food, he placed two plates down on the table. you looked at him like he had suddenly grown a second head as he took the other seat as well.

“what are you—“

“i called in a favor with the owner. i’m still working but, i’ve got a bit of free time now. if you don’t mind me joining you,”

you shook your head in astonishment.

“not at all,” you smiled, still absolutely flabbergasted that this man would do something like this for you, “you’re douxie, right? zoe’s mentioned you a lot.”

“oH—,” he coughed, “oh, uh, she has?“

“yeah,”

he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, “only good things, i pray?”

“oh, sure. sure. good things,” you took a demure little sip of your glass to torture him with the pause implying the contrary.

he swallowed audibly. nervous, then. what dirt did zoe have on him. you watched as he awkwardly shoved up the sleeves of his shirt, perhaps feeling a bit warm now. it was cute.

you’d be sure to ask zoe all about him later. how could you not. this was the most interesting thing to happen all year. and it’s december.

you racked your brain for what you knew of this guy for conversation topics.

“you’re in zoe’s band, right? the lead guitarist.”

his face lit up at the mention of it, “oh, yes. you’ve seen us?”

“once or twice, i believe.”

it wasn’t really your thing, live music. you mostly hung around the back of the bar when you got dragged to shows. you liked loud, sometimes. just not often. it really depended on how your brain was feeling that day.

“well, you’ve gotta come to the next gig, then, at least. i’m sure zoe’s already invited you?” you nodded. “the venue’s holding a wee little music festival, it’s going to be nuclear,”

“ah, that’s fun,” you smiled. that sounded like hell but now that two very enthusiastic wizards have invited you, you don’t have the heart to weasel your way out of it. you’ll bring the “XTREME” ear plugs.

“but yeah, the bands great. i love that i get to play with my mates now. a team that works as well together as we do is rare, so i really appreciate them.”

“speaking of,”

doux hummed inquisitively.

“what’s going on with zoe and that new girly y’all’ve got on the drums?”

“oh,” he paused to take a sip, narrowing his eyes mischievously, “they’re boning.”

you clasped your hands together excitedly, “thank you! you’ve just won me a betting pool.”

he almost had to spit the wine back into his glass,“hhhh. how many?”

“oh, just the entirety of the hex tech arcadia staff.”

“i’m not sure she’ll be happy to hear that.”

“which is why you won’t tell her, mr. casperan,” you placed your hand over his with a cheshire cat grin.

well, he couldn’t argue with that.

dinner progressed. alas, you can’t say you lingered as long as you wanted to on conversation. you were kinda rushing things because you felt a little guilty doux was getting someone to cover for him while you had your little date. was this a date. it had to be. as mentioned, he’s going out of his way for this, and you can’t imagine he’d go through all this trouble because he wasn’t interested in you. but then again, you couldn’t believe he was interested in you either.

“do you like cryptozoology?” douxie tried his best to ask nonchalantly while he scratched the bridge of his nose to look a little less interested. he was feeling a bit energized since talking about the band. you had been paying attention to him like he’d been paying attention to you, if only in passing.

“a tad more than the average californian wizard, why?”

“well, later this weekend, i’ve got a job exterminating a goblin infestation in the next town over,”

“snelling?”

“yeah, snelling. the guy i was partnering with told me he was backing out this morning, so now i’ll be going it alone. and im sure you know how fighting goblins alone usually goes.”

“makes it easier for them to gang up on you, yes.”

“see, that’s why i’m asking if you’d be interesting in taking his place?”

“well, i’ve got the weekend off and nothing to do,” he knew that, he got the hex tech schedule from zoe every week(to know how to schedule band practice. and, if he also took a peak at your schedule, it was purely accidental. yeah.), “so, i don’t see why not.”

doux grinned, both relieved he wouldn’t be fighting goblins alone, and feeling clever that he found an excuse to spend more time with you, “perfect, i’ll text you the details? but, oh, i don’t have your number do i?”

you were about to ask why he couldn’t just tell you in person right now, but he said that soo hammy. it took .01 seconds to understand what he was doing. you snorted.

“okay, okay, here,” you held out your hand and he gladly placed his unlocked phone in your hand. you made the contact and sent yourself a text of the first emoji he had in his recents, which happened to be🫀. ah, a goth romantic. you gave him back his phone.

“perfect. thank you, love.” he tucked the phone into his chest dramatically before placing in back into his pocket.

you rolled your eyes fondly, “you know, goblin smashing isn’t exactly my idea of the perfect second date, you might have to turn up the charm.”

“oh, i’m sure i’ll make it worth your while,” he let his head fall into his palm propped up on the table, gaze going soft, “so was this a perfect first date, then?”

you laughed, “hardly. all things considered. but—“

“but?”

“but i’m glad it happened this way. i’ve had a good time, mr. casperan.”

he grinned in agreement, “me too.”

you put your hand on top of the one he left resting on the table, and he took the opportunity to take that hand and gently lay a kiss to the top of your knuckles. he lingered for a moment, eyes shut tight to take in the tenderness of the moment.

alas, he has to go back to work now.

doux pulled out your chair and helped you to your feet. you thanked him as he started stacking the dishes.

“should i—?”

“no, god no,” he chuffed, “i’m the waiter, remember? i work here.”

“oh yeah.”

that reminded you. you shuffled for your wallet, but he stopped you.

“i’m paying for dinner, love. go enjoy the rest of your evening, i’ll text you after i close.”

“you sure?” it didn’t really sit right with you, considering he probably took a pay cut by not working the whole time you were on this little “date.”

“well,” he paused, and placed the dishes back onto the table for time being, “you could leave me a tip, if you know what i mean. just a teeny thing—“

“c’mere,” you snickered as you pulled him down by the lapels to kiss him.

chaste, just a peck. but perfect and sweet all the same.

when you pulled back, you watched as douxie held his eyes closed for just a moment longer than he need to before letting that blinding all encompassing smile bloom across his face.

“well then, a very goodnight to you, y/n l/n.”

[e-dubbc11]

holding a ladder steady for the other one when they're trying to put something higher up with Billy. We all know we’d check out his ass. Maybe smack it. 😂

Sweet Katherine,

This was such a cute ask and I enjoyed writing this, it put a smile on my face. Thank you for sending it in and participating in my follower celebration, I hope you like what I did here💜🧡 Love you lots and lots 🧡💜

Let’s Get Spooky!

Photos are not mine. They are courtesy of Pinterest/Google.

Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: None really, fluffy bunnies and unicorns, Billy being a cocky little shit

Word Count: 1.2K-ish

Summary: Billy promised to help you decorate for Halloween. You make him do the hard stuff, hanging lights in higher places

A/N: Slowly but surely, I’m making my way through the rest of the asks in my inbox for my follower celebration, thank you all for your support and your patience.💜

As always, thank you for reading!  I appreciate it so much and comments, reblogs are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕 💕

He pinky swore to you that he would help you.

Before going to bed last night, Billy promised to help you decorate for Halloween. He rolled his eyes slightly trying to talk you out of it but he wasn’t going to win that argument and you were certain he only said yes because he was tired and wanted to go to sleep.

“But no one is going to see it though, sweet girl.” He said in a begging tone.

“The lights will be so pretty, Billy. Please?” You pleaded. “I am going to decorate with or without your help, it will just be easier if you do help.”

Billy propped his head up with his hand, his pillow propped him up even higher so he was looking down at you slightly as you lie next to him, the cool pillow rested against your ear as you shyly bat your eyelashes at him.

“Alright, my love. I’ll help you.” He said begrudgingly.

You extended your pinkie.

“Promise?” You asked.

He hooked his pinkie with yours.

“I promise, baby.” Replied Billy.

**********

As you walked through the door to the penthouse, Billy took one look at all of the bags in your hands and accused you of buying the entire craft store.

“What? I didn’t get THAT much, baby.” You said. “And hey, I already hung the wreath on the door so that’s one thing to check off the list.”

“Alright, well what do you need me to do, sweet girl?” He asked.

You told him you wanted to put lights in the kitchen on top of the cabinets and more lights weaved into the chandelier. The lights you bought were purple and orange and you couldn’t wait to see them with the lights inside the penthouse turned off.

“I’ll go get the tall step ladder, Billy.” You said.

“You think we really need that?” He asked.

You shrugged.

“Unless you wanna hoist me up on your shoulders which I’m not opposed to.”

He laughed at the visual in his head.

“Alright, well I’ll go get the ladder and you get the lights out from the bags.” Said Billy with a wide Cheshire cat smile.

He put up the lights in the kitchen first, along with the matte black garland you had picked up also. Trying to be funny, Billy said it was only a little tacky and if it made you happy, then that’s all that mattered to him.

Before you had him get up on the ladder again to wrap lights around the chandelier, you wanted to decorate the dining room table. You put down a black runner on the table with gold skulls on it, some tapered candles in black candelabras that when lit, looked like they were dripping blood, and you put out in a vase the black Bacarra roses you picked up from the florist on your way home.

“See…I told you it would look nice.” You said, pressing yourself up onto your toes to kiss him on the cheek.

“It does look rather nice and not too over the top.” He said. “Nice work, my love.”

“Thank you, baby. Now get up on that ladder and hang those lights for me…pleeeeease!” You begged.

After Billy carefully climbed the step ladder, he began wrapping the chandelier in the purple and orange lights. It was hard not to stare at him as his agile fingers moved quickly to wrap the arms of the chandelier and you chuckled to yourself as you checked out his ass.

You loved Billy in his suits but there was something else about him being in a pair of dark jeans that had you biting down on your lower lip while trying to hold the bottom of the ladder in place.

“Baby?! Are you even listening to me?!” He snapped.

You snapped out of your trance. “Huh? Of course I’m listening.”

“Yeah? What did I just say?” He asked with his head turned over one shoulder, gazing down at you.

“Ok, ok you got me, I wasn’t listening.” You admitted.

Billy narrowed his endless brown eyes at you, slowly shook his head, and asked, “You were checkin’ out my ass, weren’t you?”

“No!” You quipped.

“I don’t blame you, sweet girl. I’d check out my ass too if I was where you’re standing. When I get down, drop something on the floor and I’ll pick it up for you.” He said with a devilish smile and a wink.

That perfect smile melted your insides every single time which made you smile.

“You’re in a very vulnerable position right now, handsome. I could smack you on the ass too.” You replied.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, sweet girl. So you want the lights over…here?” Asked Billy, leaning slightly forward to give you a better view of his rear.

That made you laugh and you had to remember to keep your foot on the bottom of the ladder.

“Stop makin’ me laugh, baby. I really don’t want you to fall.” You said.

“I’m done anyway, my love. What do ya think? I can fix it if it’s not the way you want it.” He said, climbing down the ladder.

You looked over at the living room window, the autumn sun was disappearing quickly behind the skyscrapers; you knew it would be dark in a little while and you would be able to see Billy’s handy work soon enough.

“Well the sun’s on its way down, we’ll get to see the lights in the dark soon enough! Thank you for doing this for me, Billy. I know this kind of stuff isn’t really your thing.” You said.

Billy inched closer to you, closing the gap between your bodies, and he tilted your chin up so you were looking into his onyx colored eyes. He gently pressed his lips to yours, his beard tickled your chin as his tongue parted your lips so it could twist and knot with yours.

A soft whimper escaped your lips as you snaked your arms around his neck; you could feel his kiss all the way down to your toes. The scent of his woodsy cologne clung to his red sweater as you completely dissolved into his kiss and smiled against his lips.

God you loved him.

“But it makes you happy, y/n. And I like making you happy.” Said Billy.

“YOU make me happy, Billy. I love you.” You said, delicately brushing his beard with your thumbs.

“I love you too, sweet girl. Now, I think it’s my turn to check out your ass. Unless you REALLY want to keep lookin’ at mine. It is pretty nice.” He said.

He’s such a cocky little shit but he was all yours.

You gave him a warm smile.

“Nah, I think you’ve earned a look at mine, baby.” You said, taking off toward the bedroom with him following close behind.

You would have plenty of time to look at the lights later.

Tag List: @wheresthesunshinesblog @idaoftheburningmind @rafaelakelley @fakehappy27 @snowkestrel @music-indie-tv @kayhi808 @munsonownsmyass @gijos @fictional-hooman @k-marzolf @nutmeg17 @vaguekayla @rosaleenablack @danzer8705 @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @aoi-targaryen @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf @rachlovesactors @qu1etwolf @sweetserendipity65

Others that might enjoy: @itwasthereaminuteago @fluffyprettykitty @jvanilly @ittybxttykxttytxtty @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @mrsbillyrusso @colereads

If you’d like to be added (or removed from) my tag list(s) for the ever so handsome Billy Russo, just let me know and thank you again for reading! 💕💕💕 If I tagged you but you didn’t want to be, just let me know and I’ll never do it again.

[youhideastar]

Why you should watch Story of Yanxi Palace

It seems ridiculous to do a promo post for literally the most-watched television show on the planet, but I follow a lot of accounts that post cdrama gifs, and I don't think I've ever seen a single Yanxi Palace gif, and that's a tragedy.

Story of Yanxi Palace is a 2018 period drama with 70 episodes, set in the harem of the real-life Qing Dynasty Qianlong Emperor and featuring some real-life events and characters from that period. Our heroine is Wei Yingluo, a teenager who enters the Forbidden City as a maid, seeking to solve and then avenge her sister's murder. It was a smash hit when it was released, although it was later censored. You can find it on Viki.

If you liked Nirvana in Fire, you will probably like Yanxi Palace: Wei Yingluo is very similar to Mei Changsu in all the best ways, in that she is devious, ruthless, occasionally very funny, driven by revenge, and possessed of a fundamental core of decency despite her scheming ways. She is also a fifteen-year-old girl. (At the beginning of the show, that is - the drama spans more than a decade.)

Wei Yingluo's relationship with the primary love interest, Fuca Fuheng, is also just *chef's kiss.* She suspects him of her sister's murder, tries to secretly off him a couple times, and he then confronts her about it and hands her a knife, saying, "If you really think I killed your sister, you can kill me now. I won't stop you." We've all seen this scene a dozen times in assorted movies and shows; she loves him so she can't bring herself to do it; she'll drop the knife, they'll embrace--

Reader, Wei Yingluo takes that knife and STABS HIM IN THE CHEST. She stabs him in the chest!!! How can you tell she likes him? Because he survives the experience. Barely.

After that, you think this is a Mei Changsu/Mu Nihuang pairing where there's a relatively normal person who loves their devious little meow meow--and then Fuheng turns around and gaslights Yingluo with zero remorse and you realize that this pairing is actually 100% deranged 4 deranged. The shit these two do to each other and for each other is completely unhinged. At one point, she kills his wife and the two of them never talk about it. Not before, not after, not ever. Legendary. He calls her his zhiji. They will convince you that the height of romance is marrying other people but knowing one another so deeply that you can coordinate intricate political schemes without ever communicating with each other because you can predict one another's moves with perfect accuracy.

Also, the costumes, sets, and props are ridiculously beautiful (and historically accurate!), the characters are like 20 incredibly intelligent and complex women and then like 4 hot dudes, and the score is incredible.

Is there queer rep, you ask? Nothing explicit. But there are a lot of female characters who have very intense, passionate relationships with other female characters. Also, there's a subplot where the Emperor suspects the Empress is having an affair with one of his consorts and you can see his point; finally, there's a character who is intentionally set up to have a very ambiguous sexual orientation: I think you could plausibly argue that he's ace, that he's bi, that he's gay, or that he's straight. I'm not sure even he knows.

There's a lot more to love about it, but when a show's been streamed more than 15 billion times (yes, with a b), I feel like I don't have too much to add. 😂 Give it a try!

[silviakundera]

Melody of Golden Age ep 1-2 watch comments

"Even a ghost claiming lives has personal desires."

Empress Dowager ruling behind the curtain

Head of the Imperial Guards!ML is slightly unusual, that's more commonly the role we see in second male leads/supporting character who backs up the ML.

But because they've made him the ML, he's of course Super Respected & Very Serious Business Guy

I appreciate how OTT melodramatic the ML is. His intro is The Double-esque.

I also appreciate that we can actually tell that armor is supposed to be heavy.

Decent costuming & sets - not historically accurate but the story isn't trying to be. It looks decent (not just cheap fabric & props), creates a sense of time & place. You can tell the clothes have a sense of weight, like they should. tbh my expectations were low, so I didn't expect it to look so good.

So the guy over the Inspectorate is a dick. Noted.

ML has the backing of the Empress Dowager. So tons of political players resent him. A bit precarious.

FL is non-descript but that's not necessarily a bad thing. She just acts like a normal person. After just trying 2 dramas where the actress does this thing where she opens her mouth & eyes wide as she talks and constantly looks unsure/startled and almost sounding-out her words, it's refreshing to see an actress just... talking

Assassination attempt! FL is in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Inspectorate dude most definitely a dick.

LMAO the slo-mo on the ML and the not-at-all-scary dogs 😂😭

ML was the son of a convicted official, huh? Who rose to captain of the guard? not bad, my dude, but who was his benefactor and will they turn out to be SECRETLY EVIL???

FL knows ML from somewhere but is he pretending not to remember, because he just that dramatic

Young orphan boy wants to become FL's disciple. He's cute and hopefully not Secretly Evil (look, SOMEONE is gonna be secretly evil, let's just face facts)

FL is gonna be sister in law to ML but is that truly all she "remembers" about him? ugh her sister has that cutesy way of speaking that grinds my gears. Please!! don't purse your lips and talk wide-mouthed like a child 😭

FL family are not fans of marrying their fav daughter to the dramatic guard leader. FL's concubine mom: "It's quite good to be ignorant and uneducated!"

so there's a reason ML doesn't want this marriage bestowed: the prime minister can threaten their family, pressuring the married in daughter to spy on ML and share info

but engaged sister has fled with a scholar! 😱 how predictible! Except our ML and FL already met, so she will need ML's participation in the subterfuge

LMAOOOOOOOOO ML cannot move a finger without slow mo and an orchestra. can't even trot his horse down the street 😭 buddy is just going for an evening ride stoppppppp

ML is being so omnious and unnecessarily threatening, he knows that girl fled right?

The way they have ML and FL face off so far isn't bad, compared to other low-grade idol dramas - he is above her in status and the way he speaks to her very much reflects that but it never feels to me like he is treating her like a child, simply a lowly constable (he's just That Bitch). She asserts herself with frustration & anger, but she doesn't throw temper tantrums, stamp her feet and pout.

Bad guys are in masks. 🕵

Oh yeah, I knew it - ML is betting on the bride's family to cancel. He knows that 3rd sister won't show.

FL just like, "I'll be the bride" - girl I know ya'll don't want to die for defying the monarch but he literally knows who u are. Like you've had 3 conversations and he knows your name. What's the plan??

lmao he shows up just to be intimidating and point a sword in her face. I would try to sell him on fake-spying.

Huh. He actually doesn't need any convincing! Doesn't press about deceiving the monarch and lets it go. There's been multiple indications that he's a drama queen who had created this image but he has a soft side underneath. He's given her a way out twice now when it would have been easy & convenient to let her die.

ML is right that this marriage isn't much of a threatening conspiracy when everyone knows what's up. He's ridiculous but also sensible.

I hate her sister-friend, do not stay PLEASE go home. you are on my last nerve.

oh naturally ML and FL met as children and there's a token. there's always a childhood token.

ML can't even walk into a room without dramatics asdgghjkl

tbh I feel like he is actually a lot nicer about things than he could have been. other than some threatening, he's just gonna let her live there as long as she doesn't spy on him.

[dylanisdazed]

Ooo can you tell us about the time you saw someone masturbate secretly? 😈😈

Okay okay, so one of the times 👀

I was like 13-14 and my stepdad always went to bed earlier than my mom, usually because he would fall asleep on the couch and snore INSANELY loud, so my mom would wake him up and make him go to bed 😂 and if he didn’t go to bed before my mom, they would go together.

One night it was like midnight and I opened my door to go downstairs and get a snack but the TV was still on. I had heard my mom go to bed earlier and just assumed they both went, so I thought that was weird. I also didn’t hear apocalyptic snoring so I knew he wasn’t asleep on the couch 😂.

I figured they had just forgotten and left the tv on. I went downstairs quietly, cuz I was always quiet late at night in the house. Our living room had two big archways going into it. One from the entry and one from the kitchen. The couches were facing the tv/kitchen arch. I peeked around the back arch and saw my stepdad sitting in the couch, underwear around his ankles with a blanket beside him at the ready to cover up just in case.

He had his ipad with porn on it propped up next to him.

When I first saw him, I froze. I couldn’t look away and whether it was attractive or not, the excitement of the moment gave me an instant boner. But yeah he was attractive too lol. Then I walked out, back to the stairs. I was so afraid of getting caught, but I really wanted to watch. I peeked back around and saw his thick hairy cock in his hand. I slipped my hand in my shorts but I didn’t even need to stroke, I came just seeing my stepdad touching himself.

He kept stroking and edging and watched a couple videos before blowing his load. He lifted up his shirt and shot all over his stomach and chest. He had a paper towel on the coffee table in preparation. He wiped himself up and I bolted upstairs. About ten minutes later I heard him turning everything off and going to bed.

🥵🥵

[air--so--sweet]

Okay I already made one post about Klaus's rehab 'accessories' sold as part of a TUA prop auction and there's a lot of cool stuff but I can't post about everything, as much as I would like to, but there's one more thing I thought was worth singling out, Reginald Hargreeve's journal from season 2.

Transcription:

I have finally arrived at my destination. The journey was lengthy and arduous, far more taxing than any of my expeditions back home. Few of my fellows were prepared for the physical and emotional demands of the trip. The close quarters, the strict rations, the seemingly nonexistent passage of time. One could easily succumb to insanity or death in such a fate. I carry Abigail in my heart, her tenacious spirit and altruistic nature. She would not allow me to stay behind and perish with her, and in turn I will not allow her to die with me.

It took a ludicrously short span of time to determine my new home is a filthy, foolish and depraved place. I find it hardly worthy of saving, despite my commitment to doing so. Why should I have abandoned my Abigail for the sake of countless souls, not one of which could even hope to match her selfless grace? But I know she would admonish me for these thoughts, and tell me to recognise the value in all who reside in this despondent place.

It will take decades to see my plan to fruition. I enacted the very first step prior to embarking on my journey and now I can do little more than await the date of its engenderment. In the meantime I will commence building an identity, empire and legacy in my own right. My singular priority in the years to come is to ensure access to the resources (both material and intangible) to successfully implement the final phase. I am resolved to make Abigail proud.

There's so much interesting stuff in here. Firstly the implication that Reginald Hargreeves is not the only one from his planet on Earth. I don't think we'll learn anything about or see the other aliens, but I do wonder what they were getting up to while Reggie was doing his thing. Honestly I think it wpuld be funny for a throwaway allusion to some of them being certain public figures.

He knew before he came to Earth it needed saving. It's unclear from phrasing if he chose to do this or was tasked with it. And why him and seemingly only him if he was not the only one to travel to Earth? Or was the plan always save the world and then use hotel oblivion and the 7 bells to remake it with Abigail by his side? In season 1, having failed, did he choose to kill himself to reunite the academy to at least complete one part of his plan, having failed at the rest? A last ditch attempt to honour Abigail's memory? Hotel Oblivion was more or less off the table as soon as Ben died (which in a way makes ut funnier Klaus frequented Hotel Obsidian when he was on the streets, it literally just became a hotel and nothing more 😂).

That brings me onto the next thing - his love for Abigail. This is the most affection we've ever seen from Hargreeves I think (and the least creepy since the closest example I can think of was him creating a robot mother in his ex-girlfriend's likeness). Though saying he doesn't see why he should abandon her to save all life on earth is a tiny bit concerning. His description of Abigail as altruistic and saying that she would admonish him for not seeing the value in the lives of humans is definitely interesting (also I cant help but feel the choice of saying 'selfless grace' over 'selfness nature' or similar was intentional, not that it means anything, just a fun play on words). I saw a theory forever ago (I believe on reddit but I'm not sure, if I find it I'll edit and add credit) that in season 4 Abigail will leave Reginald when she learns what he did to bring her back and the way he describes her here it doesn't sound like she would be okay with the cruel and abusive treatment of his children followed by him sucking them of their powers and seemingly life force to revive her (though the fact Luther is alive it's possible he planned to reincarnate all of them in the new universe but y'know, maybe make Allison aware so she doesn't chop your head in half before you fully finish building your new universe). The Reginald who wrote this journal entry bears hallmarks of the one we knew, but he seems to have been somewhat tempered by Abigail. Did the decades without her cause a hardening that led to the cold, cruel and abusive man he became? A man Abigail will no longer recognise as the man she fell in love with? Based on this it doesn't seem unlikely but, as far as I recall, these entries are never seen on screen so I don't think we can really count them as canon, especially not knowing who wrote them (I suspect it was someone on the writing staff but we don't know that for certain). However, I vaguely remember seeing a few claims of a new big bad several places, I think people may have sourced this from an interview with Steve Blackman (I intentionally avoid interviews with him because he gives far too much away) which, if the main villain of the piece is not in fact Hargreeves, Abigail, the love of his life and his whole reason for his lifes work leaving him, feels like a pretty good catalyst for him to give up, and possibly even yield to anything the Umbrellas ask of him or maybe even help them?

And lastly, when writing this I couldn't help but think how Reginald's loss of Abigail mirrors several of the Umbrella's own losses. His deal with Allison involved getting Ray and her daughter back and there's been a lot of people wondering if Dave, Sissy, Harlan or even Patch could be alive in this new universe. Allison's words to Viktor before pressing the button, 'Trust me,' and the fact we didn't see her make the deal with Reginald (beyond the handshake Five saw through the doorway) has made me wonder if it didn't just involve her getting to be reunited with her lost loved ones but her siblings too (though my housemate suggested the alternative idea that she made a deal for herself and Viktor only, as he is the only other Umbrella to lose a romantic partner and child, a loss Allison is partially responsible for, having killed adult Harlan, and he's also the sibling Allison was cruelest to in season 3). Would Hargreeves have agreed to the terms of any deal if it meant getting his way? Yeah probably, but I also feel like he might have been more willing to agree to Allison's terms if they involved reuniting her and her siblings with the people they loved who they had to leave for reasons outside of their control (Ray, Sissy and Harlan) or they lost to death (Dave, Harlan (again) and Patch, and in a sense Claire). I feel like I'm giving Hargreeves too much credit but at the same time there's moments in the show that could be interpreted as him caring for the Umbrellas and I do believe he cared for human Grace and Pogo too so it's not impossible that he's capable of empathy, at least at times where it wouldn't negatively impact him or stop him from doing what he believes is right (though just to be clear - any care or love he felt does not in any way absolve him of the cruelty and abuse he subjected his children to or the fact he subjected Pogo to a life of servitude either).

It's just occurred to me that there's the whole additional layer in regards the apocalypse that Reginald was aware of it and wanted to avert it yet he was the cause of it as without his interference the Umbrellas (and other super powered children) would never have been born, never mind his treatment of them, especially Viktor, leading to them growing into the adults they were that led to their actions causing the apocalypse. I've already spent several hours and a tonne of hyperfocus writing this though when I have other real world stuff to do so I'm going to leave it here.

[the-kr8tor]

OCTOBIE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I LOVE SPOOKY MONTH Daily Hobie HC! The hobart family prepares for the spooks >:) You both were surprised that this time the girls finally disagreed on something. Holidays. While they both obviously loved Halloween, Billie was a more of a Christmas fan, while Ramona was a heavy Halloween fanatic. You carry a box of Halloween decorations out onto the front of the door, seeing Hobie hanging up black and orange tassels, with small ghost charms hanging off. Hanging at the very bottom, two lanterns to illuminate the door. One, a sickly green, and the other a vibrant orange. Ramona was bouncing up and down, incredibly excited as she took out a folded sheet of cloth, which was stained with fake blood and handprints. Billie took two corners, opposite to Mona's, the two of them unfolding the decoration and handing it to you. You couldn't help but admire Hobie's figure as he clipped a few more halloween-themed charms onto the lanterns. Hobie could see out of the corner of his eye, your mischievous smirk. He knew what that look was, he was just wondering if you could control your urges. And as predicted, you couldn't. As you smoothly walked past, humming innocently to yourself, you couldn't help but land a smack on his flat ass, being careful to not break anything. Hobie shoots you a playful glare, a glare you recognized as a declaration of war. He quickly got the girls out of the battleground by telling them to get their red paint and put bloody handprints, watching them scamper off excitedly. Once Hobie was finished clicking the charms on, he dug through the box briefly, pulling out a Ghostface mask. It was the first mask he pulled out, so Hobie shrugged and held it over his face, as well as a retractable knife prop he remembers you buying one time. Slowly, he walked all over the houseboat, listening out for you. You kept changing your hiding spot, holding in your devious laughter as you tried not to get caught by the 'murderer'. Eventually, the footsteps ceased, causing you to look over your shoulder to check if the coast was clear. Suddenly, you felt arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you against his chest. You begin to laugh as you felt Hobie 'stab' you, pressing the retractable knife against your chest as he dropped the mask, pecking your temple. Hobie holding you against him quickly turns into his fingers nimbly dragging across your sides, tickling you as you laugh and try to escape. You wipe tears from your eyes as Hobie throws you proudly over his shoulder, his touch still gentle as he carried you like a dead body, striding over to the twins, who were looking for their parents. Billie saw you two first, screaming out in what seemed like unintentional excitement that you were dead. Immediately, both Hobie's and your act is broken. Hobie holds onto you more firmly, making sure he won't drop you as he tries to recollect himself. -🐦‍⬛

OCTOBIE IN 50 MINUTES I GOTTA GET MY ACT TOGETHER AND FINISH EDITING AHHHHHHH

Daily Hobie HC ‼️‼️‼️

I read the Hobart family like how they call on families in mulan lol

Yes i agree too! I think ramona doesn't like Christmas that much bc of the cold and the ice and the fact that she feels restrained whenever she wears the big fluffy coat just to go outside but ofc whenever her twin asks to play with her in the snow she always agrees! Also candies, buttloads of candies, she has the sweetest tooth imaginable. Billie's the opposite she loves loves the cold and the snow!! And with the holidays coming she expects nothing but a mountain of presents for her and her sister!!

THEY'RE DECORATING THE HOUSEBOAT 🥹🥹🥹 SOMEONE SEDATE ME THIS IS SO ADORABLE

BAHHAHHAHAHHA NOT HIS FLAT ASS!! Be careful r you might break a bone 😂

*me seeing the ghostface mask* ah yes this is like the sweeter version of my Hobie slasher fic 😂

I love that they're so playful with each other even after having kids! Literally the best parents out there 🥰

Lmaoo I can't help but imagine dead by daylight when I read the part that Hobie's carrying r on his shoulder 😂 I hope there's no hook nearby!

I bet the twins went after Hobie's legs and played along by begging so that their dad would release their mum lol

[spectral-kitkat]

Finished Bodies on Netflix and wow! After the initial mindfuck had worn off and I was able to comprehend everything this series was amazing!

I saw it advertised on fb a while ago and was like “mum I have a new series to watch!”

Spoilers for the next bit if you haven’t seen it

Top 3 favourite characters:

• Karl Weissman/Charles Whiteman:

His one liners and general idgaf attitude were just 😚👌🏻 chefs kiss. He did what needed to be done no questions asked. Need to kill this bitch - done. Need to frame this guy - no problem! No fucks were given and I love him for it! Plus his reluctant “adoption” of Esther made me feel all types of emotions. Their back and forth conversation in the police station was hilarious and I really wished they could’ve gone to Inverness together.

• Alfred Hillinghead:

He gave his life just to close this case and not only that he gave his life to spare the only person he could be his true authentic self with! Give me the “gay closeted victorian romance that leads one of them to die just to protect the other” Pain. That is all. He risked everything to try and solve the murder, his family, his reputation, his job and I respect the hell out of him for it! His love story with Henry was tragically beautiful and I love it! Their final goodbye where Alfred tells him to run knowing that he’s actually going to turn himself in - cinema! That final kiss between them hurts me on such an emotional level I actually feel sick when I think about it! Alfred knew that was the last time he’d ever see Henry and he did not hold back!

• Shahara Hasan:

She was on a mission the entire series and did not let anything stop her! Even finding out that the exact same body was found in 1890 and 1941 didn’t dissuade her. She still went “alright wtf that’s weird but it’s still a murder and I’m gonna solve this bitch!” and then she did! No doubt made harder by the fact her boss was in on it… What a badass! Her future self was no slouch either. She really went from “I need to help this kid who clearly has some mental issues” to “fuck this kid - we need to dismantle everything he’s done” and all this whilst suffering the pain of knowing she could probably have prevented Elias from detonating the bomb and killing half a million people including her own son! Damn woman, you dropped this: 👑

Iris gets a honourable mention since the timeline would never have righted itself if she hadn’t sacrificed her life in 2053 to tell Hillinghead what happened and how he can prevent it. Her jumping into The Throat was the catalyst that started the end to Mannix and his weird fucked up timeloop of a life.

Also props to Tom Mothersdale for lying on the floor naked in the exact same position for godknows how long as various people find him. Especially in 1941 with the rain machine pelting him with cold water

I was also thinking up potential ship names for Alfred and Henry and the only 4 I could come up with are:

- Candid Constable

- HillingAshe

- Alfrey

- PhotoCop/PhotoCopper

Idk if any of them are any good but eh 😂 i tried

[acourtofquestions]

Okay okay, so... who, out of everyone you know about rn is your favorite? (Fleetfoot is included, Fleetwood is adorable)

Thank you for such a great question!

I love a lot of things about so many characters, & am really enjoying getting to know them in my first read of the Throne of Glass series (so it changes a lot)… Honestly, Fleetfoot might be my most consistent😂favorite😊, I don’t think any character can ever be better🥹???

— Especially as in a world of such prejudice Fleetfoot loves every person for who they are (including Archer; who she does not love; because who he is sucks🤣). — She doesn't care that Dorian has magic she stays with him until Celaena can come back, she follows Celaena into the woods on the 10 year marker of "Aelin's dark day" just to sit with her. — She also defends Celaena from the monster even while injured herself she wouldn't let them hurt her person.

She was the outcast of the litter, the "underdog" and became the bravest hulking wolf of them all.

Fleetfoot serves as the “save the cat” for both Celaena in showing her disgust at the idea of calling a dog a burden to be rid of because of a shy temper and at not liking humans after they stole it from its mother (which also speaks a lot to her, as if Fleetfoot is her Abraxos style “spirit animal”) while showing even the Assassin has moral lines. While also giving Dorian the chance to “save the cat” or in this case the dog. She even heavily serves as a plot telling device such as recognizing Nehemia from beyond the veil. More than that she becomes a beloved by all character… as you can see by this very dramatic explanation. Also I’m just a sucker for dogs & golden retrievers😂

Otherwise (sry this is gonna ramble😂): if ya want more

+ I’d love to hear yours if you want to share: so, who are your favs/fav?😃

I really want to learn more about Aedion because his relationship to Celaena thus far in HoF heavily reminds me of my siblings (and normally makes me cry because of it). I want Celaena to come to know that kind of love, and I already love Aedion for it.

Dorian really astounds me in his character — I mean that word literally & in phrase — he is a good man, he consistently shows it, and I give him props for being such a healthy emotional male character in a YA series.

Of course I have to mention our main gal Celaena / Aelin; there’s a lot to love. First I’d say the tropes she breaks (reminding me of a Nesta/Feyre mix of leading female perspective book traits) which I really appreciate. — She is tough, she is a warrior, she is not a damsel; she also loves makeup, and fancy dresses, and wishes to dance; she can be entranced by the romantic fantasy of just being normal. She is not equated to her love interests alone but she does love many and remains quite a loveable character within her resilience; as most of them come to say & bring to further light as well. She is fiery in all she does, there is something beautifully magically brave & empowering in that.

Sam Cortland will always get a shoutout because I will always love him.

Chaol used to be on this list and still isn’t off it but it’s complicated; I can say though I wish he didn’t take pieces of what he dreams people to be and try to make them fit that mold, he does apologize from it come to recognize it learn and try to do better. I genuinely believe he loves Dorian and Celaena (which doesn’t fix everything but does mean something); that he is a good man who just wants to do the right thing; he’s still a young kid. And so, he hasn’t lost me yet.

Rowan has entered where he will stay in the list of favs forever & ever “to whatever end”.

Emrys right now (& probably always) has my heart; I love a good loving character who makes everyone soup and tells stories. Give me a Hagrid, Chiron, kinda character any day. One that makes them feel at home; strangers, friends, foes, legends alike. Calls them out when they’re an idiot, and welcomes them with open arms after every exhausting day… He’s just good and kind.

And after a recent HoF chapter (some might say THE HoF chapter) Lady Marion deserves a mention & round of applause; mad respect, absolute adoration; the true hero; a mothers love. The way it made me cry at the love of a mother, the way I love my littles, etc.

P.S. for ACOTAR it’s probably Feyre, Nesta, Gwyn, Rhys, Azriel… also the house if it counts? lol 😂

[eemcintyre]

"Seawolf: The Pirate's Curse" (2005) review

Surprisingly, honestly... why did I enjoy this? I guess after a couple of major misses for me in the form of "The Kidnapping" and "Beyond Forgiveness", my expectations were appropriately low, but this one actually had some likable characters and humor, and that always manages to rope me in. I have a soft spot for fun, silly action fare like this bc of childhood shows like "The Greatest American Hero", I think.

So, the title never makes any sense... what was it supposed to mean? what curse?

First and foremost, I must say TIG is looking oh-so-very pretty and rugged here- the necklaces, the bandanas, the curly-q hair, the tank tops, the sweaty, the ARMMMSSSS 😩

Initially had absolutely no clue what was going on in the beginning; a bunch of people with weird ass outfits in the dark and I was just like please no don't let that be him in the damn fucking cape and eyepatch and o n e l e g; I was like he can't possibly have one leg the whole time, right?? 🤨

But yeah I was definitely experiencing the "dear God what did I get myself into, cheers to another awful mess" 🫡🥂

Why does half the audio sound dubbed (particularly everything that comes out of Rachel's mouth)? Also props to Rachel for being the most emotionally unaffected person ever bc her reactions were so disproportionately calm to what would happen if my bf was constantly disappearing overseas and totaled my gorgeous pink car

We're getting some very Max Parrish-type hooting and hollering up in here; a concise summary of Thorpe is that he's basically if Max had a boat and was an alcoholic instead of a drug addict

We get another hallmark of TIG's movies with a slew of incredibly cringe one-liners that elicit a physical reaction of pain from me, but for every few there was actually a genuinely funny one here and there, so I'll allow it this time...

The whole "I'm a pirate, my father was a pirate, etc." speech had me ROLLING and NOT IN THE WAY THE WRITERS INTENDED I THINK BC HUH??

When he met Helene in that random room full of paintings I was sure we were supposed to take it that the mission was smth art theft-related. but no she just has a passion for maximalist design ig.

Why does the camera get randomly shaky for no reason? Very avant-garde of them

Am I the only one who thinks that Carlos looks like a Walmart George Clooney? Someone else pls tell me I'm not insane

Always throws me off-guard but it's such fun to see TIG in an uncharacteristically light scene like the one where he's dancing in the parade and surrounded by the circle of dancers in the bar. At least he seemed like he was having a good time in this movie 🎉

Ramon and his lil book and the bar scene of Thorpe and Helene drunkenly arguing w each other and sitting on the side of the road was what really started to sell me

anD THEN HE FKIN DR A G S HER ASS 😂

Plus I cannot go without mentioning my appreciation for the way he was holding her knee 👀💕

Love how he spends the majority of this movie just dressed like someone's hot dad who works out, in his cargo shorts, tank top and goatee- oH WAIT IT'S BC HE IS A HOT DAD WHO WORKS OUT IN REAL LIFE

Love how Carlos and all the other villains are devoid of personality or motive except for ~money~, like "the Colonel" doesn't even have a name!!!

Was genuinely stressed that my boy was going to clock himself in the head when he was swinging that rope trying to scale that building

When Helene straight-up PUNCHED HER SISTER IN THE FACE like these ladies have some beef and I need to know where it stems from

This film is another great example of TIG's grossly underutilized comedic potential- a là the map reading scene

Hilarious how Carlos just shrugs like "I don't care, whatever I guess" when who he believes to be Marlena says she wants to say a dramatic goodbye to Thorpe

Ok but how did he not die?? Thank goodness but how??

Even more hilarious how the Colonel, who has had nothing but hatred and murderous intent for Thorpe throughout, is just so touched by Thorpe's being a ✨ big softie with morals ✨ that his vengeful compulsions are soothed and he's content with taking the gold like "hey bro, we're square now <3" and just fuckin walks away

Good on them for giving the treasure back to Mexico

Was legit concerned for too long there that they weren't actually going to end up together and I was screeching

DO THEY ACTUALLY USE THE SAME SHOT OF THE BOAT AT SUNSET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE AND AT THE END?? lmaooo

Honestly, I think they could have leaned even more into the humorous aspect and the treasure hunt part of the film; made it a bit more of a National Treasure/Indiana Jones sort of thing, and I definitely would have liked some more character development, esp. for the sidekicks and villains, but overall, I award this film an unexpected 6/10. I had a good time 🙃🩷

[ifidiedinadream]

Im the one who sent the ask about giving Olli a hand job. Feel free to turn it into a request if you want.

of course i want to turn it into a request 😂😂 this was the ask btw:

This mornings fantasy involved my getting my nails done, sending the photo to Olli and getting a reply from him that said "Those would look great with your hand wrapped around my cock." I then go home to him and give him a hand job and when i'm done he licks his cum from my hand and fingers. 😳

and this is what i came up with, hope you like it!! 🩷

also on ao3

Beautiful.

The new nails make you feel like a dark, mystical goddess. They’re long, almond shaped and pitch black, giving your hands an elegant, ethereal vibe to them. You can’t stop admiring them, first curling your fingers towards the palm, then turning your wrist and stretching out your arm right in front of you so you can see the effect from afar.

As soon as you’re out of the nail salon, you snap a picture of them and send it to your boyfriend.

(He’s the first person who should know when you’re feeling especially pretty.)

new nails <3 like them?

You put the phone away, not expecting him to text you back instantly. He’s working from home today after all, recording bass lines he’ll send to Aleksi later, and you’re meeting up with a friend to continue your self care afternoon while Olli is busy with work.

You meet your friend at a coffee shop and have fun together, catching up with the happenings in each other’s lives. You forget about your phone for a few hours, until your friend starts checking the time every so often. It must be time for her to leave, so you grab your phone to see what time it is as well, but a WhatsApp notification catches your attention, making you forget to even look at the clock.

Those would look great with your hand wrapped around my cock.

Your stomach twists in pleasure and you lock your phone immediately, hoping your friend hasn’t noticed anything weird. Soon your hopes get crushed, however, when you see the arch of her brow.

“Are you okay?”

You avoid her gaze, brain already full of images of Olli’s cock, his naked chest, his bedroom eyes. You can already hear the low sounds he would make while you pleasure him in your mind.

“Yeah, everything’s alright, just… Olli texted me, he wants me to… he needs something, so I better go now.”

You pretend not to see the knowing smile on your friend’s face. Thankfully she has somewhere else to be as well, as you suspected, so you don’t have to wait too long to go home.   

***

“Babe, I’m home,” you announce upon opening the front door, half expecting Olli to be secluded in his home studio despite the late hour. However, there are no low frequencies coming from downstairs and his laptop is charging on the coffee table in the living room.

You leave your shoes and outerwear by the door and venture into the house. You find Olli in the bedroom, propped up on his elbows on the bed, looking at you like he’s been waiting.

“Had fun today, honey?”  

You walk over to sit beside him, giving him a greeting kiss on the lips before telling him that yes, you did have a good day indeed. You ask him how the recording session went but he has already taken your hand in his, distracted by your fingers; he’s playing with them, bringing your hand closer to his face to inspect your new nails.

“Are you trying to tell me something?” you ask playfully, because yes, Olli is always supportive when you buy new clothes or get your hair done, telling you how beautiful you are to him, but the sudden interest in your nails can only mean he’s still thinking about the text from earlier.

“What, can’t I just find my girl’s hands beautiful with no ulterior motives?”

With the hand he’s not holding, you go to slowly touch between his legs, not at all surprised to find him semi hard already.

“So it’s not this you want?”

You touch him teasingly and Olli watches his cock get harder by the second in silence, his lips parted. He still says nothing when you take him out, only to hold him and admire how pretty your hand is.

“Like what you see?” you ask in his ear, before diving in to kiss the side of his face and neck. His breathing isn’t as calm as before.

“Can I take a few pictures? For tour?”

You giggle, you couldn’t have asked for a better affirmative answer. You tilt his face and kiss his mouth, letting the lust unravel for good.

“Of course you can.”

Olli reaches his hand to grab his phone, and in the meantime you retreat your hand to spit into it. You wrap your hand around his cock again and keep it still, waiting for him to snap his pictures.

“Now a video.”

You start stroking him slowly, up and down, unable to stop staring at it: his dick is hard and dark with desire, whereas your hand around it looks so luxurious and sophisticated with your new nails, almost cold in contrast to his throbbing, needy cock. In the meantime, Olli is taking a video of it, and only when he’s satisfied and stops the recording do you pick up your pace, capturing his lips in your own in a searing kiss.

Olli hums in your mouth, his tongue everywhere and his hands on your head to keep it in place, all the while you’re still stroking, moving your hand like you know drives him insane, twisting your wrist just how he likes it. You don’t have to wet your palm again, because he starts leaking pretty soon, so you go gather those pretty drops on the top and smear them all over his cock to make the movements smoother.

If Olli breaks the kiss, it’s only to take a moment to breathe; he kisses you more, but then, when the pleasure becomes too much, he starts biting at your bottom lip, with increasing force. You switch hands, determined not to slow down now, and Olli bites into your lip especially hard when he finally comes, letting out a whine. You stroke him through it, feeling the hot cum coat your hand and fingers, loving how you can feel Olli tremble under your touch.

You let him go when his body relaxes. He puts his hands behind him for support, leaning back just a bit as his chest rises and falls, his curls all over his forehead. You’re throbbing, wanting nothing more than for him to fuck you, but in all honesty, watching him so blissed out (and it having been your doing) is a lovely activity just the same.

When he’s caught his breath, he grabs your hand, and at first you think it’s to kiss the inside of your wrist, as he often does after sex as some sort of thank you; but then he’s kissing the backside of your hand and licking and sucking at your fingers still covered in cum, and you can’t help but snort.

“Dirty, dirty boy.”

It’s the only thing you get to say before he pushes you down to lie on the bed and kisses you.