#also jaskier too my hoe

[ximenalightwood]

Ty for tagging me @katiejohnson19 😘

name 10 favourite characters from 10 different things (tv, movies, books, etc.) & tag 10 people

Alec Lightwood from Shadowhunters/The Mortal Instruments (i grew up reading this saga and i can see so much of him on me, it was nice)

Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier 

Stiles Stilinski - Teen Wolf

Matt Murdock - Comics and Daredevil 

Diana Prince - Wonder Woman

Maggie Greene - The Walking Dead

Amy Santiago - Brooklyn 99

Raymond Holt - Brooklyn 99

Will Graham - Hannibal

Castiel - Supernatural 

Again no order bc i love them all so much and im p sure there’s more but my mind went blank lmfao 

i tag: @mazraouis @kristified @martinpp @howl-hatter @just-a-dreamer-x @goretzkaaas @rpizarro and anyone else who wants to do it bc i dont wanna spam my friends 💀💀

[spielzeugkaiser]

I just binged a lot of your series and wow you just REALLY like hurting the bard

You know, I wanted to say 'I enjoy other things too' but I also just put another lettenhove piece in the queue and. Uhhhhhh. The next few pieces are so dark. I'm sorry 😅😂🙈

[zodiyack]

Being Married To Henry’s Characters Would Include...

Requested by @cuisinequeen​: Hi, I love your work. I was just wondering if you could do a headcanon for being married to Clark Kent/Geralt/Sherlock Holmes/Napoleon Solo

Pairing: Clark Kent x Reader, Geralt of Rivia x Reader, Sherlock Holmes x Reader, Napoleon Solo x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, some references, trashy writing lol

Note: This doesn’t include all of his characters, so my apologies if I misled you with the title. Not all that confident in the HCs so sorry about that too

Taglist: @matth1w​, @redspaceace-writes​, @simonsbluee​, @darling-i-read-it​, @fandom-puff​, @thewarriorprincessxo​, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow​, @maan24​, @beckster07890​, @missihart23​

Masterlist | Henry Cavill Masterlist

Clark Kent

You know he’s superman, therefore, you gotta expect the unexpected

Kiss: Level 100

helping him keep his identity secret isn’t always easy-

you wanna kiss him even when he’s superman but fuck you need him to remain undetected

but you manage

Little hc of the first few months after getting married:

Clark comes home late after a fight you see on tv

you turned it off before anything else happened, too worried already

he’s beat up

your eyes are red and puffy with tear stained cheeks as you stand and cross your arms.

you bet your ass there were cuddles that night.

Later into the marriage, he still scares you like that, but you’ve grown somewhat used to it and wipe the tears away

He’s protective of you too though

Aight sorry, but the gif is making me addicted to Henry kisses so Imma say it again,

best fucking make out sessions ever

yes, I’m gonna say that for all four.

fuck it, Clark!Kisses HCs

they’re soft half the time, needy the other half

if he comes home from superman duties or you have a run-in with a villain, so on so on, his kisses are rougher, needier, more possessive

bitch, he just needs you to know he’s still alive 🥺😢

Henry in glasses really do be hittin tho.

Stealing his glasses

Calling him a nerd because of the glasses

Probably making it a small joke about superman

Especially with oblivious friends

“I think superman’s a nerd.” “why??” “I just do.”

Having to stifle your laughs every time someone gushes about superman in front of him

Clark has to hold you back so you don’t unleash your wrath of fucking doom upon some oblivious woman who wrote about superman in a news article

She wrote things that would make you jealous, like talking about how she’s curious to his personal life *wink wink* and stuff- you don’t just have a raging fury because someone writes about him

Superman this hoe

You’ve made jokes about how he has to take his ring off when he’s superman, but he’s got a feeling that you’re actually not kidding at all

Exercising with Clark

Cursing him out in breathy pants for being more athletic and cheating with his “alien powers”

he just laughs at you

Ah, the difficulty have having a husband with two identities

When you rant about your husband, it’s so hard not to fuck up and say something about being married to Superman

Forgetting that you’re one of the few who knows his identity

Basking in pride because you’re one of the few who knows his identity

One time, Clark forgot to take his ring off and the person he rescued had known him personally.

He asks where he got the ring-

“What ring?”

“The one on your finger. The wedding ring.”

It felt like his stomach dropped...if that makes sense-

Clark ended up making some random story about finding it on the same plane the guy he rescued was on and that he put it on so he wouldn’t lose it.

The guy still thought he was pretty sus, “why was it on your wedding ring finger then?” but let him off after some time

The guy gave it back to Clark in person, but you had no idea what happened,

so when he gave him the ring, you were watching with the most confused look Clark had ever seen

thankfully, he played it off well and informed you later

He forgot to take off his wedding ring? You “secretly” fist bumped the air- ...he totally saw you though

Geralt Of Rivia

I don’t think Geralt really expected to get married

Jaskier didn’t either-

He’s the only one who stands when the priest asks if anyone doesn’t accept... only to ask how the fuck Geralt got lucky enough to get you

Everyone laughed but Geralt, he just grunted and looked away with a lil’ bit o pink tinting his cheeks

You demand he lets you go on adventures with him

You also wash him after adventures

wink wonk ;)))

Geralt is a stubborn thing

You’re a stubborn thing

Y’all love each other

When I say that Geralt is a confusing husband-

I mean that he confuses the fuck out of you

“don’t do that”

“okay”

few minutes later

“I thought you were doing that-”

“You told me not too...?”

“I don’t recall. Do whatever.”

Minutes later.

“What the fuck!?! Don’t do that!”

He’s hard to read and it bugs you

However, it makes a good game out of it

If he ever introduces you as anything but his spouse, you hold a bitter glare while internally plotting

Before you marry, Jaskier hits on you without realizing that Geralt is interested in you

He gulps nervously as soon as it hits him

You might just use that mistake as a way to get back at Geralt for not saying you’re his spouse

Jaskier pleads you not to

like for real

He’s in tears

CuDdLeS!

Congrats, you have a stubborn manbaby for the rest of however long y’all shall live

Kithes

Geralt is a little distant when it comes to admitting his feelings for you at first

When you’re dating, you’re all over each other

Marriage is that but amplified lmao

Braiding his hair

Teasing him not the wink wonk and getting away with it because you’re his spouse

If Jaskier said anything remotely close to the shit you’ve said, Geralt would probably choke him out

But then resuscitate him cause they’re bros

Seeing the softer side of Geralt

Sure, sex, but getting to know each others bodies? Yes.

Soft!Sleepy!Geralt

His deep n husky morning voice telling you to “get your ass back in bed”

Having the excuse of “because I’m his spouse” anytime you do stuff people are too afraid to do

Jealous bb 1 and jealous bb 2 aka Geralt and Y/n

I think Geralt’s the kind of guy to just pick you up, ignore your flailing limbs, and move you out of the way

He takes shit from no one...well, from you SOMETIMES

Gives in to your requests with a sigh and roll of his eyes most of the time

He was protective of you at first

now he’s PrOtEcTiVe so uh

Basically, number one husband, number two bodyguard

you put yourself first for the bodyguard part, but Geralt doesn’t know that

Sherlock Holmes

He asks your family for their blessing, then asks you-

I can imagine Mycroft just ranting away and Sherlock drops to his knee

“What are you doing?”

He ignores his brother and proposes to you

Mycroft is confused and upset because he wanted to rant about meaningless things and Sherlock decided to change the topic

rude

Being married means constant visits from Enola

Probably being the “second parents” to Enola

Gossip with Enola and Eudoria about Sherlock and him as a kiddo

Kicking Sherlock out of the house for sleepovers with his sister

bet

Helping Sherlock with cases

Dealing with Sherlock telling you it isn’t safe

still being upset when he’s right you know it

Finding Enola and Eudoria with him

Snapping at Mycroft for how he treats the girl and everyone else

Threatening Mycroft by just being a badass bitch and telling him to fuck off every now and then

Long story short, you make Enola laugh and Mycroft scoff as he walks away

He’s a stubborn bean, which now that I think about it- aren’t all Henry’s characters?

While he doesn’t say it much, he loves you

You get paranoid with this character too, as he does work that can be very dangerous as well

When he returns, he doesn’t say much aside from that he’s there now and that he loves you

cuddles with him whispering softly,

“I’m here now.” “I’m safe.” “I’m okay.” “I love you.”

Kisses in public either be quick pecks or minute long for goodbyes, but greetings-

especially after being apart for a while?

HC TIME

He comes home on the train and you’re at the station with his siblings

As soon as he spots you, he sets his stuff down because you’re already running at him

You jump into his arms and kiss him hard, not caring in the slightest about the other people at the station

It makes you smile every time he introduces you as his spouse

You’ve heard it so many times yet it still makes your heart flutter every single time

Napoleon Solo

The amount of times you’ve just dropped everything and walked away because he was being ‘too serious”-

You say something, he takes it seriously, you groan and stomp away

But then you know you can do the same back to him

Napoleon is an all around awesome husband but he’s not going to just pretend to agree with stuff

Will correct you no matter how embarrassed you get 

Makes up with kisses or stuff idk

Let me be honest, I don’t know much about writing for Napoleon but he is an icon...sometimes

He’s protective

by that I mean he’s stubborn but really it’s his way of keeping you safe

Would probably lock you in your room even though you’re a, a grown ass adult, and b, his spouse for fuck’s sake?!??!

Doesn’t tell you when something’s bothering him unless he feels the need to

“I’m not a fucking mind-reader, Solo!”

“Neither am I but I still manage-”

He doesn’t mean to make you feel bad, he just- emotions and him aren’t the best of friends

Emotions aren’t exactly friends with most of his characters

He’d much rather just speak with actions than admit anything

Sometimes you worry that he’s just fucking with you

When he proposed, it scared the shit out of you ‘cause you thought it was a joke

Never admits to anything willingly...?

Yeah sorry...Idk, that’s all I got :\

[lowkey-revolutionary-raccoon]

If provoked Jaskier would 100% stab you, steal your horse and write a song about how your dick is small and here’s why:

So yes, everyone knows Jaskier is a sweet cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

But

He’s also a completely insane fucking son of a bitch, like did y’all miss how the first thing he comes up with when he thinks he’s got a fucking djinn doing his bidding 

Is sending said djinn to outright kill a motherfucker???

Did y’all sleep through that? Valdo Marx ring a bell?

This bitch has the stones to go around fucking the wives of anyone, no matter how powerful or likely to hang him? Sing about abortion? Get punched in the family jewels by a witcher and keep following him? Make snide comments at Yennefer of fucking Vengerberg and y’all think he’s some kind of helpless puppy?

Jaskier has Feral Slav Energy in perfect balance and symbiosis with Flower Child Energy and I Respect That And So Should You Or Your Mom A Hoe

thank you for coming to my ted talk

[between-two-fandoms]

I'm frantically trying to find my old Witcher mutual list but on an off chance:

Hi!

My tumblr url used to be Random-Nerd-3. I'm still Ren!

If anyone else wants to talk angst, hurt/comfort, theories, found family or really anything The Witcher (Netflix).

My favorite character is Jaskier (can u blame me for being a hoe for Joey Batey?) and I love the found family Geralt + Jaskier + Yennefer + Witcher ensemble Become Ciri's Family trope with my whole heart. I'm also a big fan of angst and hurt/comfort too!

Drop into my ask box or dm me to chat!

Hope to meet new mutuals!

- Ren

[jaskierswolf]

For Your Love

Prompt: A/B/O Dynamics Relationships:  Jaskier/Valdo Rating: E Content Warnings: A/B/O, Omega Jaskier, Alpha Valdo, smut, heat/mating cycles, anal sex Summary: Having been contained all his life by overbearing parents, Jaskier is determined to take Oxenfurt by storm, starting with one Valdo Marx.

Beta’d by @wolf-and-bard​, written for @dani-dandelino​ who wanted horny Valskier with a side of fluff.

Part of my @witcher-rarepair-summer-bingo​ card. One left!

This is also inspired by the song ‘For Your Love’ by Måneskin.

Oxenfurt, a city unlike any other. It was buzzing with life, music, and people. The university itself had a small campus in the middle of the city, contained behind beautiful golden gates that were lavishly decorated and extravagant. The designs themselves were Elven, a tribute to the ancient history of the city. It had been a long time since the Continent had seen any pureblood elves, the last had died out a couple of centuries ago. 

Jaskier’s ancestors were amongst them. The young, budding musician was a quarter-elf, if the rumours were to be believed, but of course the House of Lettenhove would never admit to such scandal. They were nobles of the twattiest kind, and Jaskier hated it. They’d only let him study at Oxenfurt because he’d promised that he would stay on blockers and present as a beta for his time at the university. It wasn’t unusual, a lot of omegas preferred to hide their true nature until they were mated. 

But Jaskier was bored of hiding. 

It was the twenty-first century and he was eighteen. He’d suffer through enough heats on his own. Fingers and toys were poor substitutes for an alpha’s knot, well, he assumed as much. He’d never experienced the latter but his body needed more. It knew that the toys he stuffed up his arse weren’t the real thing, and he was left sobbing into his sheets, desperate, weak and wanting. 

So the first thing Jaskier did when he arrived at Oxenfurt was sell his blockers. He thought about dumping them down the drain, but he’d been cut off from his parent’s bank account whilst he was at uni. He had to survive on the budget they’d given him, and it was measly. His parents clearly didn’t want him to have any fun whilst he was at university. 

The joke was on them. 

Jaskier was going to find the hottest alpha on campus and make them his. It didn’t take him long to put his plan into action. After a couple of days of being off the blockers, his natural omega scent had come back and he could already feel the prickle of pre-heat under his skin. Jaskier had identified his target. Now he just needed to woo the man. 

But Valdo Marx wasn’t going to be an easy goal. He was a tall, slender man with long dark hair and molten chocolate eyes. He was cocky beyond compare, an easy arrogance that came with being an alpha, but he lacked the brutishness that Jaskier would usually associate with alphas. In fact, to look at the man, one might think he was an omega, or a beta at a push. He strutted around with his shirt open, tattoos on displays, black nail polish on both hands, and dark make-up around his eyes. He was fucking beautiful, but most importantly he was an alpha. 

And Jaskier knew he had to have him. 

The bastard smelled absolutely divine, and he had a wicked tongue that cut down anyone that stood in his way. Jaskier was completely smitten. With his heat incoming, he knew he was running out of time, but Valdo would be out on the town that night and it would be the perfect opportunity to seduce him. So, Jaskier pulled out his sluttiest outfit, a sheer black shirt that really hid absolutely nothing, unbuttoned down to his navel for extra hoe energy. He matched it with his cutest booty shorts that his parents had absolutely forbidden. There was a pretty gold chain around his neck, drawing attention to his unmarked scent gland, and his finest golden, jewelled rings on his fingers. The final touch was blood red lipstick. 

He knew he looked obscene. 

If Valdo didn’t want him then he had no doubt some other feral alpha would be lured to his nest, but he wanted Valdo. He hadn’t spent all morning making his nest perfect for some second rate alpha. Jaskier deserved the best, and only the best. 

The alpha was surrounded by his posse of second years. All were music or English students, just like Valdo, just like Jaskier too. The music thrummed through Jaskier’s body as he made his way across the room, drunk on Valdo’s scent alone. It was a risky move coming out in pre-heat like this, even Jaskier wasn’t idiotic enough to not realise the potential danger he’d put himself in, naive perhaps, but not totally clueless. He didn’t miss the way a few of the other alphas’ eyes followed him, a dark hunger in their eyes. 

No, Jaskier would not be going home alone tonight. 

It was just a question of who with. 

Jaskier bared his neck as he approached Valdo, presenting his scent gland and letting out a low purr. Having been sheltered most of his life by his overbearing parents, he was mostly just following his instincts and what he’d seen in the films he’d sneaked off to see with Essi. He wasn’t sure if this was the best way to flirt but he was determined. 

Valdo finally looked at him, catching Jaskier under his heated gaze. It was almost enough to bring Jaskier to his knees. He could already feel the slick in his panties, they would almost certainly be ruined. Jaskier bit his lip and brushed past the betas surrounding the alpha, they parted easily as he waved them aside. His scent was strong enough to affect betas when he was nearing heat. It didn’t turn them into the mindless animals that alphas could be, but it definitely made them pliable. 

That was the thing most alphas and betas, i.e. Jaskier’s darling family, didn’t understand. Omegas weren’t weak-willed and fragile. They didn’t need to be protected by a big strong alpha. They weren’t helpless. Omegas simply had different talents, and seduction was one of them. It was a weapon in the hands of an omega, even one as innocent and inexperienced as Jaskier. With just a few words he knew he could have this entire bar in a state of chaos. The alphas would be fighting over him and the betas would be forced to flee for their own safety. 

Luckily for them all, Jaskier had already made his choice. 

“Julian,” Valdo growled, his eyes lingering on Jaskier’s neck, “you shouldn’t be out smelling like that. It’s indecent.”

Jaskier just pouted at the older man. “Oh but darling, you were out tonight.”

Valdo’s nostrils flared, his knuckles white as he gripped the arms of his chair. “Your point, omega?” he sneered, but Jaskier could see the burning heat in his eyes. 

Jaskier smirked, leaning forward to brush his lips against Valdo’s cheek, one hand resting on the alpha’s shoulder. “I want to be the first man you look at tonight,” he whispered, his fingers running down Valdo’s chest, tracing the lines of his tattoos. “I want to be stuck in your head and make you go wild.”

The alpha growled and gripped Jaskier by his collar, pulling Jaskier onto his lap with an undignified yelp. “You’re trouble, Julian. Why should I go to your bed? You’re not the only slutty omega in this city.”

Jaskier pouted, wincing under Valdo’s sharp words. He bristled slightly, taking advantage of position to grind his arse against the alpha’s lap. “For your love, alpha, I'll do whatever you want,” he purred, running his nose under Valdo’s jaw and pressing his lips against the alpha’s scent gland. God, it smelled so fucking good. Better than Jaskier had ever imagined, and Valdo visibly shivered under his touch. “So baby why don't you please me now, I've got so much I can give to you.”

“Pretty little omega whore,” Valdo snarled, pushing Jaskier from his lap, long fingers wrapped around Jaskier’s wrist in a firm grip. “I’ll take you, if you’re a good boy, but I don’t like to share, understood?”

Jaskier nodded eagerly. “Yes, alpha.”

The walk back to the dorms was possibly the longest walk of Jaskier’s life. He almost ran in front of two different cars in his eagerness, and it was only Valdo’s grip on his wrists that saved his life with a quiet “patience, omega” growled into his ear. 

But Jaskier was beyond patience now. The close proximity to his desired alpha was messing with his heat, and he was tumbling from pre-heat into a full blown mess of lust at breakneck speed. He whined, pulling Valdo’s wrists against his scent gland, pressing kisses to the alpha’s palm. His shorts were drenched in his own slick and he felt so fucking empty. He needed… he needed… 

“Alpha please,” he whimpered as he was pressed against a wall. The stone felt cold against the burning fire under his skin, but it wasn’t enough. His heats had never felt like this before. It was intense, overwhelming, too much. 

“Tell me what you want,” Valdo snarled, his teeth grazing against Jaskier’s scent gland, making him whine as he bucked his hips. “I’ll give you what you want, omega.”

“Your knot, Valdo… alpha,” Jaskier panted. He’d never felt this desperate before, not even when he’d been days into his heat without an alpha to look after him. “I- I…” Jaskier broke off with a moan as Valdo bit his neck, just shy of his scent gland, a tease of what a mating bite would feel like. 

“You beg so well, pretty little thing,” Valdo hummed, there was the click of a door and they stumbled inside. 

But it was wrong. 

This wasn’t his room. 

Jaskier keened, tears welling up in his eyes. “No-no… my nest, alpha.”

The alpha growled and pinched his nose. “Where’s your room, Julian?”

“C block, Bardling Flats,” Jaskier stammered, barely able to focus but this wasn’t right. It didn’t smell right, he’d made a perfect nest for his heat. He needed his nest. This wasn’t right. 

Valdo scruffed the back of his neck and he melted into the alpha’s embrace. “Shhh, omega, I’ve got you. It’s not far.”

And despite his slender frame, Valdo scooped Jaskier up into his arms, whispering reassuring words in Jaskier's ear, running his fingers through his hair. It was all very tender, not at all what Jaskier had been expecting from the alpha, but it calmed the sobs that wracked through his body. 

“I knew you were trouble, Julian,” Valdo chuckled. 

Jaskier whimpered and whined all the way back to his dorm, pressing his body up against his alpha’s, kissing the exposed skin under Valdo’s shirt, tracing the lines of his tattoos with his lips, his tongue. Valdo’s scent was driving him mad, lust and want surrounding Jaskier in a haze. 

“Alpha,” he stammered as Valdo finally let him down. Jaskier was barely able to get his key into the lock. His hands were shaking too much, but the alpha took the key from his hands with a soft growl, unlocking the door with ease. 

They were home. 

And his nest was still perfect. Jaskier lunged for the bed, shedding his clothes as he went before diving under the sheets. With a helpless whine, he shoved two fingers into his hole, desperate to end the empty ache deep inside of him. Slick covered his hands and thighs, and he instinctively got onto his hands and knees to present to his alpha. He would be the perfect omega. 

“Oh, Julian, look at you,” Valdo snarled, “so eager, so pretty. My little whore!”

“Yes, alpha, yours,” Jaskier gasped. “Fuck me, knot me, mark me, please!”

The words made something inside of Valdo snap. Any scrap of control that he had left was lost, a growl tearing from his throat, feral and possessive. Jaskier whimpered, his hand wrapping around his cock in a pitiful attempt to dampen the fire, precum was already leaking onto his blankets. He wanted more. He needed more. Valdo’s hands were on Jaskier’s hips and Jaskier cried out as the musician’s long fingers pressed inside his hole with little resistance, expertly finding that sweet spot, and making sparks fly in front of Jaskier’s vision. He whined and pushed back onto his alpha’s hand, it wasn’t enough. 

“Alpha,” he sobbed helplessly, stroking his cock as he writhed on Valdo’s fingers. If he had been alone then he would have already had his toys deep up his arse, and he really wasn’t enjoying the teasing. 

“Oh darling,” Valdo growled, one hand stroking down Jaskier’s spine, “my pretty little omega, I want to fuck you till you scream and cry.”

Jaskier keened at his alpha’s words, rutting into his own hand, a mess of slick and cum as he half collapsed onto the bed. “F- fuck, alpha, I - I…”

He didn’t have the coherency or the time to finish his sentence, his words dying on his lips as Valdo’s fingers were replaced by something else, soft and wet lapping at his hole. Jaskier sobbed and buried his face in the blankets and pillows, still rutting helplessly into the nest, but his alpha held him down. He licked around Jaskier’s rim, cleaning up the mess and coaxing Jaskier into another blinding orgasm, but the fire still hadn’t abated. Jaskier writhed and moaned, begging for more. He’d never had a heat quite like this, and all he knew were his alpha’s hands on his, the aching fire at his core, and the desperate need to be filled, knotted, bred. 

When Valdo finally slid inside him it was like a dream. His cock was larger than the toys Jaskier played with, and, even without his knot, Jaskier could feel the stretch. Every thrust of his alpha’s hips pushed that wonderful cock deeper into him, pounding his prostate and making Jaskier sing. It was a stream of babbling nonsense, a mess of “alpha”, “fuck”, “please”. Jaskier came twice more on Valdo’s cock before he finally felt the press of his alpha’s knot against his rim. Exhausted and desperate, Jaskier sobbed, his fingers clinging to the sheets beneath him, now covered in cum and slick and sweat. His nest reeked of sex, of them; Valdo and Jaskier… together. 

“K- knot me… please,” he whimpered, his voice hoarse and wrecked. 

Valdo’s hands threaded into Jaskier’s hair, pulling his head back as his knot forced its way inside Jaskier, locking them together. “I'll give you what you want, my omega,” Valdo snarled, “my omega.”

“Yours,” Jaskier whimpered, too fucked out and exhausted to argue. They weren’t bonded, and Valdo had made no attempt to bite him, but in that moment Jaskier belonged to the alpha. “Mine,” he slurred, trying to adjust their positions so he could curl up to his alpha until the knot went down. It had only been the first day of his heat, and there would be more to come, but the first wave was finally sated. He purred as he rubbed his scent gland against Valdo’s chest. 

The alpha laughed and pressed a kiss to his hair. “Yours,” he agreed, “Now sleep, little omega. I want to hold you in my arms tonight.”

Jaskier giggled, pressing a kiss to one of Valdo’s tattoos before nipping gently at the glistening skin. “Only until the next time, Marx. Think you can handle it?”

There was a low growl that rumbled in the alpha’s chest, and Valdo’s fingers pinched at Jaskier’s neck. “Trouble, Julian. Go to sleep, omega, you’ll need the rest,” Valdo purred, a trace of his alpha voice leaking into the words.

Jaskier sighed happily, a low purr in his own chest, as he let the exhaustion overcome him, and he fell into a blissful sleep.

[amateur-author597]

Geralt, Jaskier and Eskel for 2 ;)

(I'm bored too sis, please entertain me)

So it took me a moment to rebrush up on Eskel's character but I have my answers

Who would I have a first fight with?

I love him but I'll say Jaskier.

Mostly playfully though,

This is not even because the other 2 options happen to be Witchers

I am very confident that I COULD kick his ass. If Jaskier was very moody or I had the urge (for some reason) to fight him Getalt would have to forcibly restrain me until it passed because I am very stubborn (I once dragged 2 people more than twice my size across a room to go fight someone to defend one of them)

I wouldn't want to really hurt him though so it would probably just be a bit of roughhousing or threats to scare him if I got annoyed with him

Who would I get drunk with?

Geralt

100% Geralt

I reckon that would be fun

We could get into so much chaos and then I mean who would try and take on Geralt if we got caught doing something illegal. He could easily scare people off so that means more fun. I feel also Geralt would be safe to be around while drunk

I can drink a fair amount for someone my body size so I like to think I could drink Jaskier under the table and then coherantly play Cards Against Humanity with Geralt.

Jaskier was a close runner up purely because I believe I could stay mildly tipsy while he got blackout drunk (mostly because I drink slowly and he doesn't seem to) then I would have free entertainment. We all know Jaskier is a very amusing drunk and I would be sure to never let him forget it

And last but absolutely not least

Who would I share a flat with?

Eskel, no competition

Why? One word:

🐐Goat 🐐

Also: Geralt would be difficult to live with and I can see myself having a similar relationship with Jaskier to the one I have with my brother which means getting very frustrated with him for singing loudly (and badly) when I'm trying to take a nap. They also sing bad on purpose when you're trying to speak and nobody can convince me otherwise.

Plus I don't really want to be around when either of them have got their hoes. No thank you.

And Eskel seems really nice and sweet and fun. I reckon he would be very fun to live with. Hives me the vibes of 'get in good with me, get in good with my family, become the found family' I might just be getting really obsesses with anything found family recently and be hallucinating this but anyway

I want to steal his goat for cuddles on a bad day and tease him that the goat loves me more than him. (I will also absolutely take cuddles from Eskel himself but shhh don't tell him that)

[caitlinsnicket]

Being in a polyamorous relationship with Jaskier and Geralt would include (pt. 2)

A/N: THIS GOT SO LONG OH MY GOD- hi you. stranger. I hope you enjoy what you’re about to read. NSFW below, as well as cursing words. Feel free to like, reblog or leave a comment. Requests are open!

Also, for those who care, I’m currently reading King of Scars and holy fuck, I missed Leigh Bardugo.

In the relationship

sleeping is a intresting moment

Geralt usually has his back turned to you guys, but most days he ends up turning and snuggling you or Jaskier

he will never admit it 

now: the endless war between you and Jaskier for the Little Spoon spot in the middle of the bed

he cries about it louder than you, but you’re too stuborn

sometimes you let him win though

waking up is hard, because everyone is tangled and you guys struggle to get free

though Geralt tries to hold both of you for a little longer 

it works most of the times

going to taverns and making duets with Jaskier, Geralt sitting in a far away table, drinking quietly

later he praises both of you, just as quietly

holding hands under the table

people are never sure of whom is dating whom, it takes a moment for them to realize that everybody is dating everybody

specially when Jaskier is affectionate with Geralt

they think it’s just teasing, then Geralt is fixing the bard’s hair and they are kissing now wa-

PDA is moderate

even though a relationship between three people is not that scsndalous anymore, you guys still have to be careful

not for your own sake of course

Geralt almost had the entire tavern destroyed after someone called you the boys whore

Jaskier had to carry you out of some situations when you were ready to stab someone

and Jaskier’s bad singing haunted a woman’s house for three days (she had called all of you freaks)

now baTH TIME

that’s one of the only times Geralt is 100% soft with both of you

he just feels more relaxed inside a bathtub

WASHING EACH OTHER’S HAIR

Geralt is almost purring while you or Jaskier bury your hands in his thick white hair

Jaskier actually purrs, specially if is Geralt who’s washing his hair

and when they wash yours?

oh boy

you literally turn into a cat

Jaskier has mentioned that your little sounds are like music

Geralt bites lightly in your neck to keep you relaxed

they actually care about your hairs health

questions about how they should wash it, how to dry it right so there was no knots and which things to use on it so it would smell in that way they love so much

now, the steamy part

let’s be honest, this is the only reason you’re here you hoe

Geralt is a top, that not a discussion we need to have

though he finds it hot when you or Jaskier ride him

but there was this one time when you tried to stimulate his prostate

you and Jaskier never mention it, but that was the hottest sound both of you have ever heard

now, Jaskier

sweetest switch who has ever existed (though he prefers bottoming)

he takes everything Geralt and you give him, and always wants more

best at aftercare

because of the singing and playing the lute, he knows what he’s doing with his mouth and his hands thank god

you and Geralt appreciate it very much

very, very much

and when it comes to you, they ravish your body like starved animals, the contrast between Jaskiers gentle kisses, firm grips in your hips and Geralts bites and rough thrusts makes you see stars

aftercare is sweet and silent (yes, even Jaskier shuts up)

Geralt peppers kisses and brushes the hair out of your faces

he’s the one to get a wet washcloth

or to carry everyone to the bathtub aM I RIGHT LADY’S

Jaskier is the one who get’s water and snacks

you make sure everyone is okay and that no one has any sore points

Massage Sessions

that sometimes lead to sexy times just sayin’

then, all the cuddles

basically the badassest romantic trio you could ever have the pleasure to be a part of

[tumbleweedtech]

I got tagged by @rawrkinjd  Oh dear. 

I had to do a think, and figured if you were brave, so would I be. Because fuck if imposter syndrome wins, ok? I am too stubborn for that. So here I am. 

I’ve written 200k words since the beginning of August. This is the first fandom I’ve dared to publish anything in. The most I’ve done before is a few random writing exercises that were pretty much immediately deleted. But this has been a wonderfully accepting and friendly fandom and I just desperately hope we can keep this atmosphere. So. Here we go...

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

1. The Viscount (70k) E

This was my first fic written. I flew through it- rather quickly. I suppose it needs more editing, I could use a beta. I tend to be bad about tenses, but I love it regardless and it pleases me greatly when people enjoy it. (I did my best to mark off smut so it's skippable)

The plot? Lambert back sasses a mage who hits him hard with a spell- knocking him back to 8 years old. After he was removed from his family, but before he got to Kaer Morhen. It was a study in what would change about a character who really, truly deserved a better childhood. What changes, about him? What stay the same? It’s found family and softness, with Jaskier coming around as well to put someone other than himself first. Also, Eskel chopping wood shirtless. ;)

2. Treasure (2k) G

This is just a silly, cracky dragon!Jaskier fic. I love it because it’s silly and gentle and soft. There’s patience and miscommunication, of course. But in the end, it’s just thinking about why, exactly, would someone stay for so long with someone who (according to netflix) didn’t always act like the nicest friend.

A few people have assumed it’s Geraskier, but I’m a Lambert hoe. So. heh. 

3. I bet my Life (>1K) T

I said I’m a Lambert hoe. I... identify with him for Reasons. And the more I thought about it, the more questions I had about his life. Sure, we know about his dad. But he had two parents. And with how intensely, deeply loyal he is, how would he react to his second parent, once he was grown? What would earn the loyalty of a man like him? He said he’d go to hell and back for Geralt but also refused to explain a relationship (slash or platonic) to a witcher he was willing to wade through blood to avenge. Aiden earned a place closer to his heart than even Geralt did. Lambert asked Geralt for help as a friend- but gave no other explanation than that  he was the best man he ever knew. Intriguing, no?

I only just took this off anon today. Please be gentle. It is... very close to old hurts for me.

4. Standing on the Precipice (97k- WIP) M

This... this is a love letter, to grief. Don’t get me wrong- that first chapter or two is... rough. But with that much loss, it deserves to have it’s place. And Jaskier and Lambert deserve to find peace within this. Jaskier learns that he’s more than just a bard, more than just what he can do for someone else. He grows, and calms. Lambert learns to internalize the lessons taught by Aiden, accepting that losing someone doesn’t require you to let them go. That love is more than the bright fire that burns, and that no one is too broken to love. 

It IS a WIP- i’m... probably 4/5 done? I had to have a break because of some. ah. motivation issues? But the entirety is plotted out, and it will be done. I’m hoping to fly through a bunch over the holiday break. We’ll see. 

I tag: @witcherscrane; @octinary; @impsane; @major-trouble

[an-intronerd]

thoughts on jaskier (+ geraskier) post episode 6: rare species

this was honestly supposed to be a teeny little rant but like, my hands grew minds of their own.

...

ok, so like, i recently binged the witcher (and i’m one of those people who has not yet read the books and never played the games, so going in, i had no idea who these characters were or what their dynamics in the other medias were like or anything) and next thing you know, i’m drowining in the geraskier fandom. 

as one does, i’ve seen a lot of geraskier content, including fics and the like, and one idea that’s always there is that jaskier is this heartbroken, sullen, pining thing after the Big Fight. like, 98% of what i’ve seen or read has sad!jaskier. and like, the general plot is always like 

jaskier is sad that geralt yelled mean things at him. 

jaskier sings heartbroken love songs. 

jaskier runs into geralt/geralt finds jaskier/somehow these two meet again. 

geralt is a dick/geralt feels bad but is emotionally constipated so he doesn’t know how to use words to apologize/geralt saves jaskier’s life. 

geralt and jaskier make up because jaskier knows how to read his witcher’s emotions and forgives him. optional: they bang.

the end.

and its like, people aren’t perfect?? i think that’s a little unrealistic. and yes, fanfiction can be like that sometimes, because it’s what we want to happen. but like, imagine this:

jaskier going through the 5 stages.

jaskier goes down the mountain, leaving geralt behind. what else can he possibly do?

jaskier spends a few nights wasted and crying because hey, guess what, the love of his life for the better part of two decades is a gaint wart-covered dick. he’s sad about it, sue him.

jaskier decides fuck this, his witcher is a piece of shit and though he is by no means the best person on the planet, he is at least good enough to deserve better than what geralt gave him. or well, was incapable of giving him.

jaskier decides he will move on, and it’ll start with him getting out of this mountainside village and heading to one of the first places where he truly found himself, oxenfurt. afterall, music has been and will always be the one constant and greatest pleasure in his life.

it takes time, but jaskier perseveres. he gets over his denial pretty quickly. he will not believe geralt didn’t care for him at all. he knows that’s an insult to both of them. geralt cared in his own way. thats the truth. unfortunately, the other, much harsher truth is that it wasn’t enough. so, no geralt won’t be coming for him, and jaskier won't be waiting around.

anger is a bit harder to get over. once it truly sets in, it’s all jaskier can do not to hunt down that fucking white wolf and tear him a new one. jaskier is a person, he is a human with feelings, and that damned witcher had no right to treat him like the scum at the bottom of his shoe. if it wasn’t for jasker, geralt would still be run out of every other town he came across, stoned and bloody. he’d probably have died in a puddle of his own blood fifty times over by now, considering all the times jaskier had to patch him up. that ungrateful prick. except, once he’s exhausted three supllies of parchment and written enough songs about the bitcher, (yes not his most creative insult but he’s too petty to care!) he knows none of that is remotely true. and he wants closure.

and that’s when bargaining hits him full force. all of a sudden, he just needs to see geralt one more time. once more great adventure and a song to go with it, one more meal shared, one more conversation, to see if geralt really ever cared. he needs to ask him, and have geralt verbally confirm or deny his doubts. he needs this, just once. one more time, he needs to see his witcher, and it’ll be enough. one more time. just once. he almost fails himself, on one lonely night. he knows he can’t, he doesn’t even know where he’d start looking but he’s drunk beyond the point where common sense dictates his actions, and he’s packed half his belongings... and he’s getting ready... to track down the white... wolf... he wakes up with a bitch of a hangover the next day, but he didn’t go after geralt. he knows deep down once will never be enough. 

anger was tough, but depression was worse. it came for him like a siren in all her glory, drawing him in and in and in until he’s drowing and he didn’t even realise when that happened and then it’s too much, it’s too painful... he isn’t really surprised. he thrives on emotion, the good and the bad, it’s how he writes such brilliant ballads, he admits he hadn’t really delved into his own feelings about geralt yet. he hadn’t dealt with all the heartbreak follwing the mountain, and maybe he should have done so earlier, but he doesn’t think it matters. his heart wasn’t going to hurt any less months earlier when the wounds were still fresh. and though they may have closed up over time, the phantom pain is always with him. there are days where all he can do is curl up under his blankets and sob. some days he goes without eating a single morsel, finds himself lightheaded from dehydration, not leaving his bed for anything more than to relieve himself. some days, he flips through old songbooks, filled with twenty-odd years of adventure, both the fun and the dangerous kind, and laughter and frustration, companionship and solidarity... what was it he used to say? death and destiny, heroics and heartbreak. words of a lifetime past. some days, he compartmentalizes and sets all that aside in a little box in his mind and goes about his day as if he isn’t weighed down by the constant weight of his loss. it’s almost too much, but he’ll manage, he tells himself. he doesn’t let himself think of what he would do if he can’t.

it’s a cloudless day outside, and he’s in the market for new writing materials, and he’s going over next week’s lesson plan in his head, when he’s hit with the sudden realization that he hasn’t thought about geralt in a while. he’s thinking of him now, sure, but that doesn’t count because he’s thinking of how he’s not thinking of him, it’s a totally different thing, and oh- it doesn’t ache as much as it used to. he feels lighter than he has in a while, and he doesn’t know how that happened, or when, but he’s... okay. 

that’s the thing about healing, it happens whether you realise it or not, you just have to give ypurself a chance. it’s pontless to hold on to the negative feelings because you’re trying to hold on to something or someone that isn’t there anymore or maybe never really was. he didn’t know when it happened, but. the bitterness that accompanied the memories of geralt’s last words is no longer there. neither is the anger. there’s a dull sadness, but mostly it’s resignation and a sort of comfortable if lonely acceptance that geralt is gone. but there’s also a bittersweet understanding that jaskier will always love him. the history they shared isn’t erased because of a few angry words. jaskier will have, if nothing else, a lifetime full of moments and memories. if he sees geralt again, it will no longer be with a vision clouded in pain or anger or sadness, but rather a deep-seated love and forgiveness. he will let geralt decide now what they will be to each other. but he will not accept anything less than what he is worth. he will not be geralt’s punching bag. if geralt wants to have a relationship with him again, it will be one of equals, the bard and the witcher. if he wants to go their seperate ways, well, jaskier will live content like that too. 

he’s moved on.

sometimes, moving on doesn’t mean finding someone else. sometimes, it means mending your own heart, piece by broken piece, and then tucking it away safely inside, giving it a chance to heal. it’s about making that very difficult choice to let go of the bad that you’re holding on to, because it’s a way of holding on to the person you lost. it’s about finding yourself again, and who you were before the pain and heartbreak, and, figuring out who you want to be now. i need more of that, because that’s real. that’s how i imigine jaskier would feel. he’s not perfect, and he has his ups and downs as all of us do, and he is angry at geralt and sad and broken but also he’ll pick himself up, because he was someone before geralt, too, and he’ll still be someone after geralt, not just the witcher’s bard. he doesn’t know who that is yet, but he’ll figure it out.

and because i’m at my core a geraskier + happy endings hoe:

geralt realises an important thing on that mountaintop. he has been running from destiny and anything real all his life. he needs to get his head out of his ass, and find ciri. clearly, he was destined to lose yen, and that’s happened, no matter how hard he tried to make it different. she’s destined to be his and he accepts that now, but everything else is up to him. 

he finds ciri, and then, he’s a father. he vows to be a better parent than the one he had. 

he finds yen, and they learn to be enough for each other without turning it into something more than a vague frienship. somewhere between a truce and a partnership. for ciri, they agree.

he returns to kaer morhen, to his family with his daughter and his yennefer in tow. 

he realises that he has everything he could ever want, and more than any witcher ever gets, but there’s still something missing. 

then he realises it’s his bard, the one person who wasn’t unwillingly tied to him because of some wish or destiny, someone who chose him every single time, and who he misses with such a fierce ache.

then he remebers how badly he fucked that up, and then yen tells him he’s a wart-covered, emotionally constipated dick, and dumb too, but hey thank god you finally got your head out of your ass long enough to realise that you miss your bard and you’re sorry for what you did and you love him, and geralt just goes what? yen, love? oh- okay so that’s what the constant turning of his stomach and insomnia is.

then he sets out to find his bard, and ciri asks if she’ll finally get to hear all those famous songs about geralt from the source, and he says he hopes so.

it doesn’t take him long to find his bard, now a professor at oxenfurt academy, and geralt thinks that makes perfect sense because where else would jaskier have gone but to one of the few bright bits of his youth?

he gets to oxenfurt and it’s a cloudless day, and there’s people millig about and he thinks he’ll head to an inn and give roach a well-deserved rest, and then his heart stops. because there is jaskier, exchanging coin for parchment, and he looks just as he did a year and a half ago, except less disappointed and more happy and his heart hasn’t beaten this fast since he was a child left on vesemir’s doorstep. he thinks of all the nights he’s been unable to sleep because he had gotten so used to the bard’s humming and how it had been the most soothing wordless lullaby. he thinks of his last words, and he feels his breath leave him, because jaskier had taken it to heart, and left him. he’d given geralt his one blessing, and geralt thinks that those words are something he will regret for as long as he is living. he gives himself a moment to wonder if perhaps he should leave jaskier to the life he’s created for himself, be unselfish for once and let jaskier remain happy and safe and free. 

he should leave, though he knows that jaskier deserves so much more from him, an apology to start, and then a real friendsip, one tat goes both ways, and wow, geralt really is a wart-covered dick because he had treated jaskier so unfairly and he doesn’t undertsand why jaskier kept coming back to him, again and again. destiny hadn’t entwined their paths. jaskier chose to entangle them anyways. and he deserves so much more than geralt of rivia, and he should let jaskier have that, he should...

but he couldn’t walk away now, not when jaskier, his bard, his life-long friend, is standing right there, and jaskier turns, collecting his items and geralt stops breathing because jaskier looks over, and geralt watched the recognition flit over the bard’s face as he sees roach and then up, up, up, his eyes trace geralt’s form until.

their eyes meet, and jaskier smiles.

tl;dr: i just want more realistic portrayls of jaskier’s emotions after the Big Fight in episode 6, and i want to see jaskier go through all the feelings, and more depth to him that just some pining, heartbroken lump of a person. he’s more nuanced than that, i think. 

p.s: a big part of this ended up being based on my own experineces with love and friendship, pain and hertbreak, and the process of moving forward despite it all. idk how much of that comes through, and i hadn’t really planned for this post to go in the direction that it did, but i like how it turned out. i’m still trying to figure out that tricky little thing about making the choice to let go, and writing this helped?

p.p.s: this ended up way, way, wayyyyy longer than i intended, oops? why do i do this lol

p.p.p.s: if fics like this actually exist, please feel free to tag me in them or send me links, i would adore you forever!

[inside-of-a-fangirls-mind]

The White Wolf’s Dance; Chapter 1

Request: None, I’m just obsessing over witcher so take this poorly written fanfic that will have many chapters cause I'm a hoe.

Words: 2,017

Warnings: Cursing, Seduction, Monster killing mentioned. 

Pairing: Geralt X Reader, but slight Jaskier X Reader at the start.

Note;  This is my first witcher fanfic, be gentle with me. I wanted to make it a long journey and a slow burn cause mmm I love those. Um. Be warned cause this is a gonna be a whole mess of things I would love to happen. Oh and reader is something special c; you will find out in chapter 2 I believe. 

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(I do not own the gifs, credits to the oringial posters, also I do not own anything witcher, characters, places, nothing.)

                     *Chapter 1; The Myth Of The Witcher*

"Toss a coin to your Witcher! Oh, valley of plenty!" Jaskier sang out as he played his lute to the inn full of people drinking and dancing about. It was hard to see what they were so cheerful about but Geralt didn't give it much thought. He downed another ale, there was supposed to be a contract for a Griffin here. However, it had been dead for weeks by the time they arrived. Spending a night with no chance of coin unless Jaskiers song brought any.

"Another for ya'?" A voice pulled him out of his thoughts glancing up at the woman who stood before his table. She held up a tankard of what he assumed to be able. He gave a short nod and she set it down in front of him. He went to pull out a coin but she just smiled.

"Already paid for. The young lady at the bar is paying for all yer and yer bards drinks." She gave a smile before heading off to check on other tables.Geralt narrowed his eyes at the drink before scanning the bar wondering who or why someone would pay for their drinks. But there weren't any women sitting at the bar. He lifted the drink to his nose to sniff it before downing it. Maybe just maybe it was one of Jaskier's love interests. But if the ales safe who is he to let it spoil.

A while later Jaskier approached the table noticing Geralt scouting the inn. "What's wrong? Someone already put you in a sour mood?" He chinned before the same barkeep sat two more drinks in front of them and left.

"No." He was quiet, looking around the place. "But someone is paying for all our drinks. Isn't that a little strange?" He turned to Jaskier who was already downing his.

"Free ale? By gods. I must have a few fans out there. Surely the lovely lady should make herself known." He turned in his chair to look around the room.

"Never said it was a lady." Geralt smirked before watching Jaskiers face fall a bit. "but I doubt it's a fan. Just be careful and go to bed alone tonight." Geralt warned before picking up his things and heading off to his room. Jaskier didn't see the harm in another buying him drinks, however.

After a few more ales a beautiful woman walked over and sat across from him. "My my, and who might you be?" He hums letting his eyes admire her fully.

"Y/N, and I've had my eye on you ever since you walked in." You hum softly before giving him a wink. "Care to join me for a dance?" You don't even have a chance to hold out your hand before he's grabbed it and pulled you out of your chair spinning you around. You're both laughing and having fun. The night was still young but you lean over and whisper to him "I'm dying to get out of this dress. Would you care to help me with it?" Your voice hot on his ear. He would have melted on the spot if he could. Quickly he took your hand and ran to his room.

Once inside you smiled and turned around so he could undo the buttons on your dress. Slowly sliding it off your shoulders you stop it before it could reveal your chest. "what are you waiting for? Get on the bed." You hum letting your dress slide a little more to reveal your cleavage.

"Yes, ma'am!" He hums before getting on to the bed. He lays on his back looking up at you with the biggest smile on his face. You crawl on top of him leaning down until your lips are almost on his and smile.

"

Lóre sí an ni indóme maure tye yare I úrin ort-

" You whisper before placing your lips on his. Once his eyes are closed they don't open. You pull yourself off him and smirk. "Silly boy. Didn't the Witcher warn you? Sleep now, I'll need you in the morning." And with that, you button up your dress and head out of his room to await the pair of them in the sunrise.

Geralt was the first to awake and dress, though when he banged on Jaskiers door and there was no answer he broke in worried about him not listening. Once he saw the bard was still asleep he was relieved and woke his friend up with a splash of water to the face.

"By Gods woman! You are a tease!" He shouted as he woke up promptly looking around to only see Geralt's face. "Geralt! Where's Luna?"

"Don't tell me you brought someone to bed after I told you not to!" Geralt groans before looking around the room. Nothing seemed to be missing.

"Oh but Geralt I'm in love. She was the fairest maiden I've ever laid eyes on. Skin as white as snow, hair as dark as a raven. Hands. Oh her hands could work for a living alone!" Jaskier went on about who he thought he spent a romantic night with. But little did he know it was all a dream you created for him.

"Get up. We've gotta make it to the next town. I heard there's a Barghests' and someone willing to pay heavy coin for it to be dealt with." He heads out of the bard's room making for the stairs as Jaskier loops his lute over his shoulder and follows.

"Oh, Geralt have you never been in love before? I cannot leave until I see her again." He goes on dreamily before they both exit the inn only to stop in their tracks.

"Thought you boys would sleep all morn." You hum twirling around a bag of coin. You toss it to Geralt who catches it with one hand. "Thought witchers would be up and out a bit earlier than this." You lean against the fence post sign for the end looking over Jaskier with a smirk. "How was my visit last night? Hope it left you with wet dreams."

Jaskier's hands grip his lute. This girl was almost the one from last night. Or maybe she was the one. "Dreams?" He whispered as Geralt grabbed him by the shoulder and started to walk past pushing the coin back into your hands. "We don't need no handout." He grumbled.

"T'was not a hand out. Merely the coin you spent on your rooms. And there's more than that if you can help me with a little problem. I'll explain it all along the way." You hum before throwing a wink at Geralt as a man brings you his horse. "Roach was her name, right? You're a little hard to read." You hum as you pet Roach's muzzle softly. "However your friend’s an open book. A very dirty book too might I add."

Geralt glances to Jaskier before tugging him along and takes Roach's reins. "Don't touch Roach. And whatever it is I don't want it. Got a contact in the next town. Worth 100 oren." Geralt growls before hopping on his horse and walking away. Jaskier following at his tail.

"Geralt. Can she read minds? Like Yennifer? She a sorceress too?" Jaskier asked glancing back to see you were gone.

"Hmm," Gerald grunted looking to Jaskier.

"No Geralt! Seriously!" Jaskier can't stop looking over his shoulder at the place you once were. "Maybe she wants to help us?"

"Probably some cheap trick to get us killed. Better left behind us, with this town." He mumbles as they head out of town. Following the main road towards the next but just as they turn a corner there you are sitting on a log.

"Come now, boys. I'll pay more than a 100 oren for this problem. How about 1000? I might have come off a little rough but I'm just a Lassie in need of help." You throw on the charm trying to sound as innocent as possible.

Geralt narrows his eyes at you. "And where did you come across that much coin?" He didn't trust you, and why should he trust a random stranger.

You smile ever so charmingly before standing up from the log. "a girl works hard for her coin. Many a man would pay for a night with someone like me ya know." You put your hand on your hip and the other tugging on your shirt collar a little. "c'mon boys. Aren't you supposed to help a damsel in distress."

"Geralt…" Jaskier whispers before Geralt gets off his horse and approaches you. He's a lot bigger up close. Smelling of cypress and ale. It's not a bad mix either.

"What exactly are you? What did you do to Jaskier? And What do you need help with?" He's in your face ready for you to tell a lie.

You smile sweetly up at him before glancing at Jaskier. "You're friends right. A sorceress of some kind. But not any kind you've met before. I had to make sure your friend was well rested for this so I used a little sleep powder is all. His vivid imagination filled the rest." You throw a wink at Jaskier before turning back to the Witcher in front of you. "and a harpy. Nasty beast. She carries away my brother and I only wish to give him a proper burial. And for no one else to get carried away screaming." You look up at Geralt wide-eyed and hopeful. It was, more or less, the truth.

Geralt didn't speak for a while before nodding and getting back on his horse. "where was it last seen?"

"Hell, I can take you right to the nest. Just can't get close enough myself." You hum before leading the way in front of them.

"I don't like this," Jaskier whispered to Geralt as he slowed down to make sure you couldn't hear them. To say the bard was weary yet turned on was a crazy thing. But after all, he couldn't keep his eyes off his only love encounter.

"Neither do I, but 1000 Oren. It's worth checking out." He whispers back to Jaskier before speaking up to her. "You sure it's a harpy? Miss? I don't recall you giving your name."

"I didn't." You smirk back at them before turning around. "I saw the beast carry off my brother. I know a harpy when I see one." You turn back around leading them up a mountain trail. "Y/N" you whisper.

They both heard it and Geralt doesn't ask any more questions for the time being. Not much was said while they walked. Jaskier would strum a few notes on his lute but didn’t bother singing a word. You constantly had an eye to the sky just to make sure you would not be surprised by the beast. But soon night began to fall and the mountain pass became all the more difficult to navigate.

You dropped your bag off your shoulder and looked around at a small flat area hidden by treetops. “We will rest here for tonight and tomorrow slay the beast.” You don’t bother looking back to them, the sooner you could get this over the better. Your mother, Gods rest her soul, would be proud you were taking steps to give your brother a proper burial. You just couldn’t let the harpy feast on him for weeks. He deserved better even in death. You quickly dig out a hole and set some twigs up in it after lining it with stones.

“Geralt, how about you show me some of that Witcher fire magick?” You hum looking over to where he was tying his horse and setting up his things for the night.

“Hmm” He grunts as he goes over and casts a small flame on to the pile of twigs, lighting them up nightly. You rub your hands together close to the fire before sitting on the ground by it. Closing your eyes and letting it warm your soul. This small moment of peace would have to do until after tomorrow's mission.

Chapter 2

[benisalilbitch]

Bart the Rock Troll

Thank you so much, I'm cackling. Of course I'll do Bart. There's a thing going around that Jaskier is a monster-fucker and that he calls monsters sexy and stuff and that's me

Bart the Rock Troll

I will fuck a troll, I don't give a fuck. 9/10

If it was for me, I'd also spend my time guarding a cool vault, provided that Bart is also there so we can have fun and I'll give him all the cool rocks I find.

I love Bart so much and we vibe so hard. I, too, think rocks are very interesting and spend a lot of time thinking about them.

I do think Bart is more of a friend, but my hoe ass won't deny the cute troll if he wants something more. I just love him so much.

Send me The Witcher 3 characters and I'll rate them along with my thot thoughts.

[yocalio]

Replacing Yen’s introduction scene from the books with an orgy was a huge miss for me. In a single scene of her waking up, reacting to Geralt barging in and begrudgingly getting out of bed, we quickly establish how sexually liberated, temperamental and curious she is. We meet her through Geralt’s eyes and he’s being a thirsty hoe; she’s heavily sexualized, characterized not as a person at first but a trope. And that’s exactly what Yennefer punishes him for. 1/5

In the show the orgy was unnecessary. This time Yennefer isn’t sexualized per se, everyone around her is. And this is sexualization for which no one is meant to be reprimanded for, it’s there for our pleasure and entertainment to ogle. It doesn’t have any of the subversion of the original story- it’s titillation, plain and simple. It’s like they were absolutely DYING to cram in there nudity (HBO style, overwhelmingly female) and an orgy to seem “mature”. 2/5

Were we supposed to think that Yennefer is sexually liberated or empowered because she exists in the same space with people having an orgy? What kind of horny, mentally 13yo wrote this? Not to mention the wtf implication that she forced these people into it using magic??? Because that’s so not the move chief, that’s more like Triss’ move. It’s one of those things in the show that clearly the writers didn’t want you to think about for more than 2 seconds. 3/5

Manipulating Geralt and having him take the fall was one of them too. In the books she did the same thing, but actually set a plan to both cure Jaskier AND ensure Geralt won’t face punishment by fully assuming responsibility for the incident. She meant to punish him for Christ’s sake, not have him killed. In the show there was no such plan. She cured Jaskier because she needed him, then did fuck all about Geralt. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth for what it falsely implies about Yen. 4/5

I know the task of adapting such a complex character isn’t easy, but as far as Yennefer and her relationship with Geralt are concerned, they dropped the ball big time in S1 imo. I probably sound like I’m a constipated book fan who hated the show, but I didn’t. I’m being critical of it precisely because it has just enough potential to be frustrating about rarely ever reaching it. 5/5

What an ask! Phew! Can I just say I love you for this? The Last Wish was a huge giant colossal let down for me as well. Why adapt it so differently from the source material when it did a better job of introducing Yen and character's dynamic with Geralt? It would also of probably been easier to film? I hope to God it wasn't solely for Netflix to have that orgy scene thrown in there. I hope you don't think I approve of Yen's introduction in the show from my previous ask because I really don't. I found it gross and ridiculous. I was just trying to make sense of what the writers might have been thinking.

The Last Wish is my favorite short story for Yennefer's introduction alone. I've never read a more compelling character in my life. But it's also my favorite for how Geralt and Yen fall in love which was all but reduced to a cheap hook up in which they never saw each other again? I don't know, it was never explained..... 🙄 ugh, don't get me started. I guess they never lived together in Vengerberg after that and it was a meaningless shag? I probably sound like a constipated book fan too, but I'm bitching for the same reasons you are. *insert Tyra Banks "we were all rooting for you" gif* The potential!!!!!

[starivaille]

a hadestown geraskier au bc why not

this au is on a whole other level bc technically jaskier would be playing orpheus from hadestown representing the greek myth’s orpheus- the mETAness,, lol 

[lol for anyone who doesn’t know what hadestown the musical is,, it’s about orpheus and eurydice (based off a greek myth) where they basically fall for each other and she dies too early and  orpheus goes to the underworld to rescue his fiancée Eurydice and the ending of this myth is not happy, but  let’s ignore that]

because!!!

we all get geralt saving jaskier but come on,, we all know we’d be up for jaskier saving geralt 

and orpheus is a romantic ass hoe in hadestown who sings for eurydice who in this case is our witcher boi geralt,, who is totally as badass and beautiful as heck (we all know geralt is too gorgeous for his own good and sought out by ppl when it comes to looks)

i was listening to epic iii and like,, jaskier would so play a song to try and find his way back to geralt and the song is just??? so perfect??? 

and its rly sad and he just wants to be w eurydice??? that’s such peak hurt!jaskier,, go listen to it lads

the way orpheus!jaskier sings about love in this entire song just so he can gain access to getting eurydice!geralt is too good of an image for me

also i listened to come home with me and orpheus!jaskier falling for eurydice!geralt is too perfect,,

like this guy is working on a song and he’s SO certain he can change the world and he sings and he plays the lyre and falls for eurydice!geralt at first sight and just asks,, heyy be my lifelong partner and come home with me and hermes here just goes hEY you should accept his offer of being w him for life bc he’ll make you feel alive and eurydice!geralt is intrigued,, like cmon,, geralt is totally amused, albeit annoyed at jaskier following him out of nowhere in the series and just like eurydice in hadestown, she lets orpheus/ jaskier do it,, oops

also like ??? hermes is like “””DONT COME ON TOO STRONG””” and orpheus!jaskier is like “””CAN U COME HOME WITH ME??”” which just heavily reminded me of their first meeting in the show haha,, like jaskier being awkward and just going after geralt right away??? that’s jaskier for u

like cmon,,, this was just too good of an au to pass on,, anyways listen to the songs,, theyre SO JASKIER and like you can feel such her sweet kiss vibes on a whole different pining level of bring me my love back, pls

also go watch some animatics of hadestown,, they’re amazing,, like i watched this for epic iii and this one as well and this one for come home with me,, they legit,, maDE ME THINK OF JASKIER STRAIGHT AWAY

also the way they drew jaskier just reminded me of joey batey’s outfit for the amazing devil’s first album and a couple of their live videos and i just- guys c’mon,, once u see it,, you can’t picture it not being jaskier

[bomberqueen17]

astroloquacious replied to your post “snippet, finally”

Geralt smiling ♡♡♡

clotpoleofthelord replied to your post “snippet, finally”

oh i'm EXCITED for this chapter!!!!

So it seems i can only write in stolen time when I’m supposed to be doing something else so I’ve assigned myself all kinds of work today and am sneaking back to write. 

I also have cleaned all the litterboxes (our spoiled cat has three, and also uses various corners of the basement that i rarely have the leisure to find but did, this morning. ugh, what a jerk) and done a fair bit of correspondence, and i FOUND MY POSTCARD STAMPS so it’s all over for you hoes I can mail postcards now yay! 

Today’s snippet is brief and ambiguous. Which pairing do you reckon this rather NSFW excerpt is? 

“Just give me your cock, you big goof,” she said. 

“You have the best dirty talk,” he said fondly, and obliged. 

It’s always really good to get unblocked on sex scenes, they just take so much dang choreography.

OH now I know where I’m stuck-- 

so a couple chapters ago in Little Fishie (end of the linked chapter there) I had Jaskier ask if Geralt would tell him one true thing about his life. I had something in mind, but then decided the scene was better served by an interruption. 

“I’ll put the question in later,” I thought smugly to myself, as I did not write down what the question was. “That’ll be great.”

Well, it’s later, and I don’t remember what he was going to ask. So, audience participation-- 

“Can you tell me the one true thing I wanted to ask about your life, instead?” Jaskier asked. “Since you’re being nice to me?”

“You’re pushing it now, bard,” Geralt said, and got to his feet to see about setting up bedrolls.

“That’s not a no,” Jaskier said. “Ohh, I’ve got to make this count!”

“As I said before,” Geralt said, spreading a blanket over the nicely-trimmed pine boughs he’d assembled before dark, “if it counts too much, there’s no way I’m answering it.”

“There’s a lot in your life that works by you not thinking about it too much,” Jaskier pointed out, this time being wise enough not to make it into a question.

“Well,” Geralt said, “it works, so.” 

“So, something true that isn’t something you’re carefully not thinking about,” Jaskier said. “Hmmm…

if he gets another chance, what should Jaskier ask??? This is the spot where I’m blocked on this chapter and I keep bouncing around and coming back and bouncing off again. Bah!

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Geralt and the Minotaur p5

Y’all can thank @bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher for how fast this came out. Brain Cell Bae, feast on the serotonin my dear 💖

Pairing: Geraskier

Warnings: canon consistent violence, blood, gore, fight scene, talk of human sacrifice, talk of child sacrifice, talk of animal sacrifice, reference to bestiality, talk of dismembering monsters, beheading monsters 

some background for y’all that don’t know: King Minos had a deal with Poseidon that he would sacrifice his prize bull to the god every year but one year Minos couldn’t do it. He was way obsessed with this fine ass bull and sacrificed the second best and Poseidon got PISSED. So, like the little shit he is, he made Minos’ wife get hot for the bull and hence we have the Minotaur. This is an extra big no no in ancient Greece bc bulls were practically worshiped and seen as holy. There’s some other fucked up shit to do with bull sex but like I’ll let you live on in blissful ignorance like I wish I could. 

also just in case y’all didn’t know the Greeks used to collect and sell gladiators sweat as perfume. Idk how that smelled good but like, as a thirsty hoe, I kinda get it. 

heres part 4!

__________

Geralt woke to screams. 

It took him a moment to realize what was happening, let alone where he was. Jaskier was curled in his arms, still sound asleep as the screams made way to sobs and the singing of a sword being pulled from its scabbard. It was time, but Geralt felt nothing.

He shook Jaskier awake and snatched the ball of twine and sword, tucking the blade into his belt and praying to Athena, Poseidon, any god that would listen that the guards wouldn’t shove it loose. Jaskier snatched the twine from his hand and stowed it in his own clothes just in time for the soldiers to reach their cell. 

They were ushered at sword point up a path to the back of the palace where dingy stone steps lead down to a massive stone door, underground by a dozen feet at least. Jaskier clung to Geralt’s hand, clenching his jaw tight and looking forward as they were lead to the doors. It took three men to open them and Geralt heard someone in their party mumble about how well and truly fucked they were. He couldn’t blame them. 

They were shoved through the arch, surprisingly without ceremony, and the doors were heaved closed behind them.

When the rumble of stone on stone finally ceased and they were left with near darkness Geralt finally felt the panic. Everyone was looking at him, he could barely make out their features, but he knew, and all he could do was stare at the door. 

Jaskier gave his hand a gentle squeeze, offering him the now glowing gold ball of twine, “Geralt?”

Something snapped into place deep in Geralt’s gut and the panic vanished. He took the twine and tied it to the door before removing the sword from his clothes and handing the dagger to Jaskier.

“Do not stray from the twine. Stay with the group.” He growled, now better able to see from the light of the yarn. Everyone was terrified, but they were his responsibility now, and if he had to scare them further to keep them safe he would. 

“What if it sneaks up on us?!” A young girl squeaked, she couldn’t have been more than fifteen.

“We’ll hear it. Now, follow me.”

“Do you know where you’re going?” 

Geralt frowned, ready to admit like before that he hadn’t a clue, but then he heard it. It was faint, and he could only hear inhales, but there was snarling breathing that couldn’t be mistaken for anything other than a monster.

“I do.” He turned to go before anyone asked any more questions. 

Jaskier was at his heels, one hand gripping the dagger and the other clutching at Geralt’s belt to stay close, “Geralt, do you really know where we’re going?” he whispered.

“I can hear him.” Geralt muttered. Every muscle in his body was tensed and ready to strike as he lead the way down the arched corridor, unraveling the twine as they went. 

They walked on for what felt like forever, the hall twisted and turned, even went up a flight of stairs, but nothing about it seemed very maze-like. Jaskier kept quiet, but Geralt could feel his hand at his back trembling. Others in the group were whispering, They say it has a battle ax and Maybe it'll kill us quickly. 

Geralt held a hand up upon coming to their first T, “Everyone hush.” He closed his eyes, doing his best to listen past the panicked panting of the group. It was there, just barely, but the deep breathing of something much bigger than him was coming from the left. 

This continued for hours, or maybe it was only minutes, Geralt couldn’t tell,  until everyone could hear the beast’s steady breath and see a faint orange glow around a corner. 

Geralt stopped, turning to face the terrified group of teenagers, “Stay here and stay quiet.” he instructed. Then, handing off the glowing twine and whispering to Jaskier, “If I die you have to run. Sprint back to the doors, all of you should be able to open them. I’d tell you to go now if I weren’t afraid of waking it.” 

Jaskier had the gal to look offended, “If you think for one second I’m letting you go in there alone-”

“You will. The ship we came in on will be leaving in the morning with or without us. Be on it.” Geralt was getting jumpy, being a little more aggressive than he needed to, but the thought of Jaskier being left to die in this labyrinth without him was overwhelming and he’d never had more adrenaline coursing through him before. 

Jaskier held Geralt’s face between his hands and drew him in for a lip bruising kiss. Geralt’s unoccupied arm looped around his waist and pulled him close as his whole body screamed at him to run away with him. Nothing sounded better right then than sneaking out of the labyrinth and sailing off to some other island where they could live their lives in peace. No responsibility, no destiny, no monsters. 

Someone cleared their throat and Geralt pulled back, blushing furiously as he switched his sword back and forth between his hands, “That was one hell of a goodbye kiss.” 

Jaskier rolled his eyes, “Good luck, not goodbye. You’ll be fine.”

Geralt nodded and peeked around the corner, catching a glimpse of a large open hall with a fire burning at its center and what one might have mistaken for a pile of furs and pillows laying in front of it. He ducked back into the corridor, pressing his back against the wall and doing his best to take a deep breath that wasn’t a panicked gasp. His limbs felt like goatskins full of water and his palms were already starting to sweat. He barely kept his face under control as he tried to work up the nerve to move. 

Jaskier held his free hand, gently massaging at the tendons, “You’ve done this before, you can do it again.”

“It’s huge, Jask,” Geralt whispered, mortified that he’d made it all this way, and now when it mattered he couldn’t stifle the panic. 

“You threw a man twice my size halfway across the deck on our way here. You are strong and brave and deceptively intelligent.” Geralt raised an eyebrow at his words but let him continue, needed him to continue, “The blood of the gods runs through your veins and you’ve been blessed by the goddess of strategy and wit herself. You can do this.”

“Athena sending my mother to the sea is hardly a blessing.” Geralt argued, pushing off the wall and squeezing Jaskier’s hand before letting go. 

Jaskier pursed his lips, eyes somber despite his annoyed expression, “I’ll be waiting for you.” 

Geralt nodded and, though his limbs were still shaking, he stepped out into the hall of the Minotaur. 

He ran over all the advice he could remember from every soldier he’d spoken with as he crept toward the sleeping beast. As he got closer to the fire he saw the bones of previous sacrifices, some no bigger than a child’s, and the remnants of animal carcasses that were far fresher. The stench was getting progressively worse as he approached, so much so that he wondered if he might vomit before he could attack. He wanted to look back, he wanted to run back, but he kept his eyes trained on the beast before him. It was at least twice his size, covered in a strange coat of hair with a tail to match. Horns protruded from it’s forehead, long and sweeping forward in dramatic curves. He couldn’t see it’s face and prayed he wouldn’t have to while it was still alive.

When he was within feet of the Minotaur he raised his sword, gripping it in both hands and set his feet, readying to stab it in the neck. It was laying on its side, half curled into a fetal position as it slept. He felt a pang of sympathy for the creature. It wasn’t given a chance, wasn't guilty of the sin its mother committed or the offence her husband had committed against Poseidon. With it sleeping so still and so vulnerable he almost forgot the horror stories he’d heard from before they caged it here. He paused a moment too long.

As he brought down the blade the creature shifted and his sword cut deep across its back rather than a fatal blow at the neck. 

The roaring scream it let loose was disorienting, it rattled Geralt’s bones and had him shuffling backwards. It rolled to its hands and knees, or what functioned as knees, and Geralt slashed at it’s arm, slicing through thick ropy muscle as if it weren’t there. He thanked the gods the sword Triss had given him was sharp as he jumped out of the way of the Minotaur’s other arm swinging at him. He brought his sword down where he had just been standing, barely missing the monster’s forearm, but exposing his side, just like Eskel had warned not to. The Minotaur, now standing upright and towering over Geralt, kicked him in the ribs, sending him tumbling across the floor. He barely kept hold of his sword as he rolled to a stop, gasping for breath. 

It snarled at him, stomping closer on cloven hooves but holding one arm close to its middle. Geralt waited, kept gasping for breath long after he’d regained the ability to breathe properly and let the thing get closer. When it was within reach, raising it’s good arm in preparation to pummel Geralt into the stone, he lashed out again with his sword. This time the metal swiped clean through the canon of its left leg, severing the hoof from the leg completely. The Minotaur fell forward, nearly pinning Geralt to the ground as he scrambled out of the way. It struggled to push itself up on its one good arm but Geralt kneeled on its back, knee digging into the wound across it’s shoulders. He barely registered the screams of pain and outrage over the thrumming of his own pulse as he grabbed one of its horns with one hand and dragged his sword across its throat with the other. 

The screaming stopped, replaced by a stomach churning gurgle and trickle of blood. A deep, nearly black red liquid oozed out in every direction from the beast’s wounds as it struggled and twitched. Geralt didn’t want to take any chances. Cursed beasts had magical properties and he’d be damned if he left the thing alive enough to heal. Before the corpse began to cool he hacked and slashed until the head was completely severed from the body. 

Only then did he feel the pain radiating from his side all the way down his leg and into his toes. He threw the Minotaur’s head toward the corridor he’d entered from and collapsed on this good side, barely missing the rapidly expanding pool of blood. He grunted out a labored “Fuck.” before he heard shuffling feet and felt hands under his arms.  

Jaskier and the girl with all the questions were hauling him toward the fire. 

When they set him down Jaskier’s hands were flitting over his body searching for injuries, “I told you you’d be fine.” he teased, an undercurrent of fear cutting through his tone.

“Not fine,” Geralt huffed as Jaskier prodded his side and he tried to sit up, “Alive.”

“You probably broke a rib, go slowly.” Jaskier warned, helping Geralt up.

“You’re a doctor now?” Geralt teased, wincing as he straightened to full height.

Jaskier patted Geralt’s chest, “I’ve been kicked by a cow or two.”

He pulled Geralt close and kissed him softly, sighing like the world had been lifted from his shoulders. 

When he released the prince he rearranged the soft grey fabric and whispered so only Geralt could hear, “I could sell your sweat for a fortune right now.”

Geralt laughed and rolled his eyes, beginning to limp back to the other Athenians and scooping up the Minotaur’s head by the horns, “Lets go, I need a bath.” 

____________________

Next part here!