#also it could be a good outlet for all the stress he keeps bottling up

[wereh0gz]

Anyways do you think sonic would like ultrakill

[sjsmith56]

The Important Stuff

Summary: One shot. Bucky gets up to feed his infant son during the night and takes every advantage of the time alone with him.

Length: 3K

Characters: Bucky Barnes, OFC (his wife Lisa, undescribed), OCC (Georgie, his one month old son), Sam Wilson (in flashback).

Warnings: This is so sweet and fluffy you may get diabetes.

Author notes: Several authors have written about Bucky and his child. This is my contribution to the trope.

👶🏻 🍼 🌌

It had been a month since Georgie’s birth; his arrival a moment of joy that his father Bucky Barnes would always remember. It wasn’t just the absolute awe he held for his wife, Lisa, at how magnificent she was during the birth but also at the fact that at the age of 107, Bucky Barnes was finally a father. Officially he was the oldest father of a newborn; a fact the press had a field day with when Georgie’s birth was announced by the Avengers. All sorts of news outlets had clamoured for a picture of the former Winter Soldier with his son, but Bucky and Lisa had already disappeared into the anonymity of a safe house in the country, where they could be alone with each other and adapt to being parents. Husband, wife, mother, father, and son becoming a family, while the world evolved without them.

It had taken some getting used to the needs of a super soldier baby as his appetite was voracious and as much as Lisa wanted to nurse it became obvious that supplements were necessary. Thank goodness Bruce Banner produced a high calorie nursing supplement based on the specific properties of her breast milk. That alone reduced a lot of the physical stress on her as she finally felt less like a nursing machine and more like a mother. Bucky liked it because he could feed his son directly, an act that he found both soothing and life changing, for it allowed him precious alone time with his son.

On this night, when Georgie’s cries woke them both, Bucky put his hand on Lisa’s.

“I’ll feed him,” he whispered. “You sleep.”

“You’re a good husband, Bucky,” she murmured, already slipping back into that dreamy state she had been in.

“I try,” he whispered back, placing a kiss on her forehead.

Stepping out of the bed, he picked up his T-shirt, but didn’t put it on. Instead, he held it in his hand, already knowing that Georgie liked the feeling of his father’s warmer than normal skin on his. The small night light beside the crib illuminated the little boy as he kicked at the sleeping bag he was secured into. The thatch of thick dark hair that he was born with was still there, but Bucky was sure it was already growing. Every day he looked at it and could swear that there was more of it. Perhaps it was time to compare the pictures of Georgie after his birth to how he was now and see if there was a difference.

“Hey, my little man,” he said, soothingly, as he unsnapped the straps of the sleeping bag.

That sleeping bag alone was certainly different than how babies were put to bed when Rebecca was born. Babies then were wrapped up so that they could barely move, then tucked under the bedclothes of their cribs. But now these body sleeping bags were recommended; enclosing the baby just enough to make them feel secure, while keeping them warm but free of the possibility of becoming tangled in any sheets. He lifted Georgie out, cradling him in his left arm, then stepping over to the change table. Unsnapping the snaps of the sleeper, Bucky felt around the edge of the diaper, confirming it was wet. He laid his little boy down and uncovered his legs, removing the wet diaper, then replacing it with a clean one before refastening everything up.

“There, that feels better, doesn’t it?” he asked his son, kissing him on the cheek as he balanced him against his shoulder. “Let’s get something to eat, hmm?”

The soft gurgles from Georgie said plenty and Bucky smiled as he went downstairs with him. He pulled the bottle warmer forward and took one of the prepared bottles of supplement out of the fridge, placing it in the device and turning it on. As they waited, he went over to the window and raised the blinds. He always checked the area before he turned the lights on, something that he needed to do for his own sense of security. His excellent night vision didn’t pick up any movement and when he checked with Friday, it confirmed what he already knew. No one was out there watching or waiting. The sound of the bottle warmer reaching its desired temperature reached him, and he returned to the kitchen. Lifting the bottle out of the device he shook it lightly and swirled it around to make sure the heat was distributed evenly throughout the liquid, then he shook a few drops out onto his right wrist, confirming it wasn’t too hot.

“Friday, turn on the lamp beside the rocking chair,” he said aloud as he moved into the living room.

It came on at half illumination, the AI already knowing he was feeding Georgie. Sitting down he cradled the anxious baby, whose sense of smell could already detect the scent of the supplement. A steady whimper for the bottle stopped only when Bucky finally placed it in his son’s mouth, replaced by a sound of complete contentment.

“There we go, food, glorious food,” he smiled. “Now, where were we? That’s right I was telling you about the day I met your Uncle Sam.” Georgie’s dark eyes looked up at his father’s. “I had pulled the steering wheel out of his car from where I was perched on top. He was scared, but your Uncle Steve had a plan. He always had a plan. He broke the car door, pulled your Uncle Sam onto his lap, along with the Black Widow then he pushed against the door and let it carry them onto the roadway. Sam fell off after a bit and rolled hard onto the surface, but he was up right away. Then he ran back to his car and found his wings, put them on, and got right back into the fight. He was so brave. Remember that, Georgie. Someday, when you find your Sam, he’ll be a regular human, but he will be capable of so many things.”

A smile formed on his son’s face as he told him that. It was important that Georgie knew that even with his physical differences, he would find a friend as good and loyal as Sam had been to him, someone he could depend upon.

“Sam was afraid of me that day, but he still tried to keep me from hurting anyone, and he kept me from shooting my best friend, Uncle Steve. Even though it took him a while to trust me and even after I kept pushing him away, he kept after me and we finally found a way to be friends, best friends now. So, let’s talk about the good things I have now.” Another smile was his encouragement. “There’s your mom. Some days I still can’t believe how I met her. Wasn’t even looking and suddenly there she was like an angel had been sent just for me.”

He stopped for a moment, remembering how he first saw her at a farmer’s market in Brooklyn. Sam was visiting and they went to the farmer’s market for fresh seafood so that he could make jambalaya. She was buying oranges at a fruit stall, and one fell, rolling along the ground towards him. He picked it up and came forward with it as she looked up and their eyes met.

“Hello,” she said, smiling, then noticed the orange in his hand. “Is that one of mine?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “Doesn’t seem to have bruised from the fall.” He handed it to her, taking forever to remove his gloved hand from her proximity. “I’m Bucky.”

“Lisa.”

“That’s Sam.”

She smiled at Sam then looked back at Bucky. Neither said anything while Sam just smiled at both of them. Then he shook his head in amusement and went to look for more ingredients. Somehow, Bucky asked her to join them for dinner and she said yes. After giving her his address, he rejoined Sam but watched as she walked away, even when she turned back to look at him.

“Oh, she likes you,” said Sam. “She likes you a lot.”

“I like her, too,” said Bucky. “There’s something about her that just ….”

Georgie squirmed at that moment and Bucky looked down at his son, seeing the bottle was empty.

“Sorry, buddy, I was lost in a memory there,” he said, as he put the bottle on the table and lifted his son onto his shoulder, while patting his back. “Remembering how I found your mom does that to me.” He stood up and started walking around. “Still don’t really know what she saw in me that day, but she came to dinner, and I never laughed so much as I did that night. We ate all the food, drank the bottle of wine I bought and the bottle of wine she brought. Then she stayed over, and we didn’t even do anything, even though we wanted to. We waited until Sam went back to Delacroix.”

Georgie burped and Bucky switched him so that he was cradled in one arm while he picked up the bottle to return it to the kitchen for cleaning in the morning.

“When you get old enough, I’ll have a talk with you about that,” he smiled. Georgie squealed a little. “That’s how I feel about it sometimes, buddy.”

The baby boy was wide awake, so Bucky asked Friday to play some soothing music. They walked around, looking at the pictures on the wall, the books on the bookshelves and even went to the bathroom to look at each other in the mirror. There was still no sign of Georgie getting sleepy. Heading to the closet Bucky found a thick fleece onesie that they used to take their son outside on cooler days. Pulling his boots and a jacket out, he returned to where he dropped his T-shirt and laid Georgie on the couch, while he quickly put the extra clothes on himself. He zipped him into the fleece and made sure his head was covered. Then he picked up the baby and headed to the door.

“Friday, Georgie, and I are going outside for a little bit,” he announced. “If you see anything flash the outdoor lights.”

“Will do, Sergeant Barnes,” said the AI. “The outside temperature is 66° and the breeze is approximately 3 miles per hour.”

Opening the door, they stepped out into the night and walked onto the gravel roadway. They followed it to a small pond that allowed them enough space to view the night sky. For several long minutes, Bucky looked up at it, still amazed that they could see the stars they could.

“When I was a little boy, we lived in Brooklyn. Even though it was a borough in New York City it was still small and quiet enough that I could see a lot of the same stars that we’re seeing here. I would look up at them and wonder if they had planets around them, just like the Sun has planets around it. Did you know the Sun is a star?”

Georgie was watching him as he spoke and looked up. His hand came up, enclosed in the thick fleece of the onesie, and drew his father’s attention onto him. Even though Bruce said it would be a while before Georgie could see beyond this close contact between them, the smile on his face was all the proof Bucky needed that his son knew that he, Bucky Barnes, was his father. Even in the dark, the intense gaze that the baby was giving him filled him with a sense of awe.

“You have so much to look forward to,” he whispered. “You have me and your mom, Uncle Sam, Uncle Bruce, both Uncle Petes, Aunty Kate and Aunty Yelena, Uncle Joaquin, Uncle Thor. There are so many people that care about you and will be there for you, teaching you, loving you, showing you all sorts of things. You’ll learn to read and write, and this ….” Bucky gestured to the night sky. “This will be waiting for you to explore. I believe that with all my heart. I don’t care if you become an Avenger or not, because what’s important is what’s inside, here.” Bucky placed his palm on Georgie’s chest. “I want you to become a good man, which is why we named you after my father. Everyone thought I would name you Steve, and Uncle Sam wanted me to name you after him, but I always knew my first son would be named after my dad. He had his problems, but I know he loved me and believed in me. He would have thought the world of you. Your middle name, Edward is after your mom’s dad. He’s a good man, too, and when he comes to visit, I want you to give him as much love as you’ve already given to me and your mom. Can you do that, Georgie?”

The little boy gurgled, and tapped Bucky on the face with his onesie-covered hand again. Placing his own hand over it, Bucky kissed it, then buried his face close into Georgie’s neck, taking in the unique scent that he already recognized as him. Another squeal erupted from the baby’s mouth, making Bucky laugh at the absolute joy he felt at that moment. He looked around him in the dark then lifted George up to the sky, just like when Rafiki offered the baby Simba to the assembled animals in The Lion King.

“This is my son, George Edward Barnes,” he announced. “I’m asking the universe to keep watch over him and help him to grow up strong and good.” Lowering him, he gazed at his son’s bright eyes. “I hope your mom didn’t see that. She’ll never let me live that down.”

Georgie sneezed, making Bucky decide it was time to turn in. They returned to the house, and he toed off his boots at the door. Sitting them both down on the couch he removed his son’s fleece onesie, then his own jacket. Checking the diaper, he went upstairs to the nursery and changed his son again. Then he sat on the rocking chair with him and told him all the children’s stories he could remember, trying to keep his voice soft and soothing. It must have worked because eventually Georgie’s eyes drooped, then closed and he was asleep.

For some time, Bucky sat there just watching this little boy who had changed everything about his life in the month he had been alive. He was a father now, responsible for another person’s life. Even though there would be times when he was on mission, he already knew he would be Face Timing Lisa and Georgie at least once a day. His heart was here with these two people and until he was under the same roof as they were, he would be incomplete. Envisioning the days when he would teach Georgie to play catch, or ride a bike, or go camping out in the wilderness and really look at the stars together, he took a deep breath and hoped he was worthy of the love this child was already giving him.

“Can I tell you something?” he asked, in an almost inaudible whisper. “I would die for you, Georgie. In a second, I would put myself into the line of fire if it meant keeping you safe and alive. But even more, I will live for you, too. My love for you is unconditional. You’ll always have it. There may be times when we disagree, and even ….” He took in a deep shaky breath. “Even if we argue about something, that love will never stop. That’s my promise to you, my son, my dear beautiful boy.”

Gently, he raised him to his lips and kissed him on the forehead. A contented sleep sound came out of the baby and Bucky lifted himself up from the rocking chair. Sliding Georgie back into the sleeping bag, he snapped him in, then stood at the doorway looking at him for a moment before he closed the door, leaving it open just a crack. He returned to the bedroom and slid under the sheets, next to Lisa who had curled into herself because he, her personal heater, wasn’t there. As soon as she felt his presence, she covered him with her arms and legs, before pressing her face into his neck.

“You were gone a long time,” she said sleepily.

“He wouldn’t go back to sleep, so I took him outside.”

She opened one eye. “Did you do the Simba thing?” He didn’t answer but she could feel his smile in the dark. “You did. You’re such a nerd.”

“He likes it. He listens to me. It’s a bonding moment.”

“Okay, I get it. You want as much time with him as you can. That’s understandable.”

He tightened his arm around her and kissed her on the head.

“I want all the time with him and you, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“Fair enough.” She nuzzled into his neck. “I love you. You’re a wonderful husband and a great dad.”

“Thank you. I love you, too. You’re an incredible wife and mother. By the time we’re ready to have another, we’ll be really good at this.”

This time, Lisa raised her face to his and kissed him on the lips. It was going to be another couple of weeks before they could resume their normal bedtime activities but both of them almost purred at how the kiss made them feel and risked another, deeper and sultrier version. With a sigh, Bucky kissed her on the forehead and tightened his hold. For now, this was perfect. They were happy.

One Shots Masterlist

Please support the author by reblogging.

[gepardling]

How about top!Gepard? Now, now I know he seems more like a bottom but sometimes the most quiet are the most freaky (okay, maybe he isn't this freaky). Perpahs a service top? That would do anything to bring pleasure to his love? Yeah I could see this. I do believe though that he has so much pent up energy that sometimes he goes out of or track and he is so drunk in the pleasure that he ends up apologizing after in fear that he caused harm to his love. Yeah I can kind of see this. (Love your writing by the way <3)

de-stressing w/ gepard.

desc. : in hindsight , i got so lost in the "pent up energy" and "off track" aspect that i hyperfixated on those. like geppie-becoming-a-different-person-during-sex possessed me and my hand was forced... ( wc : 1k )

tags / cw : nsfw, afab!reader, gn!reader (no pronouns used), cunnilingus, crying :((, unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it!), top!gepard and bottom!reader, praise, reader is basically a ragdoll (u don't do much), aftercare, overstimulation

Everyone has their dark secrets, even if they’re not yet aware of it themselves, and Captain Gepard was no exception. Though he appeared innocent and sweet on the surface, beneath his gentle facade, a beast thrived amidst his stress and pent-up frustrations. He did a pretty good job at hiding it though, but sometimes he could get a little… Unhinged. Gepard didn’t really have any “healthy” outlets to rid himself of all this bottled energy, either. 

That's when he turned to you, his loving partner, who bore the weight of it all. Gepard's way of unwinding after a stressful day involved seeking solace in you, indulging himself without restraint. He gave and gave until your senses blurred and clarity faded. Once he began, he found it hard to stop, driven by the allure of your soft, inviting body.

His pleasure found its home between your legs, and he pursued it relentlessly until he was satisfied with your release. It seemed selfish, but he would claim it was all for your pleasure, leaving you spent and overwhelmed while he's still fully dressed and composed. It was nothing short of unfair, yet resisting the relentless force that lurked deep within Gepard was futile. The irony was that he himself remained oblivious to this fact.

Tonight was no different, having returned home late from another stressful frontline expedition. Gepard wasted no time in getting you on the bed, head nestled between your thighs as his tongue worked diligently on your hole. He doesn’t let up, and the feeling of your heels digging into his back only sends him further into your dripping core. He pulls orgasm after orgasm from your weary body, saturating the sheets with your release.

When his mouth finally releases its grip on your abused sex, the clinking of his belt fills the room, and before you can react he’s plunging his hardened member into you. In moments like these, your once-sweet Gepard fades away, and he’s replaced by a voracious beast that chases your pleasure over and over. The warmth of his gaze is replaced by something darker, an insatiable hunger that only you could sate.

He’s too drunk in the warmth of your cunt and the way you keep sucking him in to realize he has to stop eventually. He also doesn’t remember when you started pleading with him to slow down, too focused on the fiery sensation of your nails scratching down his back. His eyes are shut tight as he thrusts deeper, harder. All you can do is let him take what he wants, allowing him to consume you until his pent-up stress is exhausted. 

The overstimulation burns, and your face is a wet, sobbing and drooling mess. Your throat is too sore to keep up with the waves of pleasure he’s forcing down on you. At one point, his hand travels down to your thigh, pushing it up over his shoulder to grind deeper into you. Fresh tears grace your reddened cheeks when the stretch becomes too much, but Gepard’s oblivious to the way you claw at his arm, eyes fixated on the delicate strings of arousal that tie you two together with each thrust of his hips. 

It’s not like he himself hasn’t cum yet, he’s on his fourth or fifth by now. Yet he continued to draw the sweet honey from your core, his pretty cock decorated with a creamy ring, all because of you. Gepard’s low grunts in your ear are nothing short of carnal, singing praises of how good you’re being for him, how well you take him. His lips trail down your jaw and onto your neck, where he sucks and bites little marks wherever he could reach first. 

Your mind swims with pleasure and praise, thoughts hazy and blurred. Gepard’s dick is the only thing you can think of, and rightfully so. But luckily your job is easy enough. You just have to lay there and look pretty, let him have his way and assure him he’s doing a good job. Any previous pain has long since been numbed, and you’re too drunk on the pleasure to care anyways... 

Gepard gives you everything he has, desperate to empty his heavy balls deep into your awaiting cunt. Eventually, he reaches his final climax, burying himself deep into your core, his face pressed into your neck. Desperate pleas of your name escape his lips as he ruts into you, riding out his high. His warmth engulfs you from within, and by now you’re so spent that you could fall asleep then and there.

But as his afterglow fades and his senses return to him, Gepard pulls his softened cock from your wet folds, only to witness the state he’d left you in. Little bruises littered your body, small imprints on your thighs and waist where his grip had been a little too tight. He’s overcome with an intense guilt, like someone who’d broken their mother’s favorite porcelain doll. It was as if the beast from earlier had vanished, and he’s back to his old gentle self in a heartbeat. 

Gepard loves and respects you too much to intentionally cause you harm. He can't stand the idea of letting you down or hurting you. So, when it does happen, especially during your vulnerable moments, he feels like a ton of bricks crash down on him. There's a sense of panicked fear in his tone as he meticulously checks you over, ensuring that he didn't inflict too much pain during his little... Session.

Apologies pour from his lips, and despite your reassurance that it was fine (and likely some of the best sex you’d ever had) it did little to soothe the overwhelming guilt he faced. He immediately prepared a hot bath for you, gently cleaning you up with a damp cloth and placing tender kisses on any marks he may have left. He even takes great care to massage any stiff muscles you might have, gracing them with apologetic kisses. 

After all, he loved you far too much to let his inner beast overshadow the tender affection he held for you.

i am currently undergoing oshi no ko brainrot so im srry if dis was written wit half a brain bc omg. oshi no ko. but do not fret !! i went 2 the extreme length of rewriting dis whole piece n hour b4 posting it JUST BC i didn't want 2 release smth i wasn't happy wit ♥︎ all 4 u loves

[tobbesdiscordkitten]

here are my thoughts and i want to hear yours !!!

it stranges me how axl allegedly took erin as a target since she was more innocent and a virgin and all of that, i mean, what i thought was more rational was that mostly, a guy would feel comfortable protecting that more innocent naive looking partner you have beside you, but i wonder what made axl have erin as a target when it was so obvious how much less experienced she was in all the thing he was experienced in, like, why her? why didn’t axl hit stephanie?

Hi, anon! I shared a few of these details in my previous posts, but I'll gladly reiterate them again. Keep in mind, this is all hypothetical.

Erin believed she was an easy target for Axl because she didn't have a backbone like Stephanie where she could fight back, she'd just endure the abuse until it was over. Plus, if she did try to stand up for herself, she would be in a much worse predicament with Axl, and she probably would've received more marks on her body. Stephanie's different - she's more mature, more resilient, and she wasn't gonna tolerate a similar fate. Axl subconsciously viewed Erin as a "weaker" individual which could explain why he used her as an outlet for his frustrations.

Erin may have looked innocent and sweet in the photos and interviews, but was she really? She appeared to be a totally different person around Axl when they were alone. A few witnesses pinpointed how Erin was the aggressor in the relationship while Axl was the one who tried defending himself. Axl didn't mind having a partner who was “childish” in a sense. He loved Erin and was devastated when she left. If he didn't enjoy having a partner like Erin around then he would've left her in the dust on his own terms.

I don't want you to be under the impression that their relationship was awful all the time. It wasn't. They both shared romantic moments together over the years and when they're relationship was going good, it was great! However, when things were going bad, it turned to shit. Every relationship has its own ups and downs, fight or flight modes.

Another thing that separates Erin and Stephanie is Stephanie's son, Dylan. Axl always wanted to start his own family but couldn't because Erin suffered a miscarriage. Axl saw Dylan like his own son and used a healthier outlet to bond with him.

During this time [1991], Axl understood why his relationship with Erin never worked, and he explains it:

"I had an extremely volatile relationship with Erin. And I was projecting strong, negative feelings about myself onto other people. I was attracted to people with similar dysfunctional traits, people that I was going to end up not really getting along with. And it wasn't good for me or them, it just made me despise being with anyone, or meeting anyone, or having a good thoughts linked to someone."

He wanted to become a better person, not only for his future partners but for himself, too. This is also the another reason why l believe he hit Stephanie way less than Erin. He didn't want to go back to his old ways and use Stephanie as an unhealthy outlet. He didn't want to repeat the same, emotionally strained outcome twice. He only laid hands on Stephanie because he found out she cheated on him with multiple men. So...payback had to be served.

Another fact I think is worth mentioning is how fame affected Axl's mental health.

Axl describing his inspiration behind the song Coma on MTV with Kurt Loder.

"I started writing about when I OD'd 4 years ago. And the reason I OD'd was because of stress, I couldn't take it. I just grabbed the bottle of pills, in an argument, and just gulped them down, and I ended up in the hospital. What I liked was I wasn't in the fight anymore."

Before Axl made Guns N' Roses, he was in other bands such as Rapidfire, AXL, Rose, Hollywood Rose, New Hollywood Rose, and L.A. Guns. He wanted one of his bands to be big and that was what happened with GNR. The problem was he encountered a lot of stress and there was more responsibilities he had to take as the band grew in recognition. Which could also explain why he abused Erin more frequently, the stress from the band was creeping up on him, and it caused him to spiral into a breakdown.

[fawnsimagination]

Be Angry, Sin Not

for as long as I could remember even before discovering the law of assumption, I always saw my emotions as my weakness and my enemy.

growing up I was someone who expressed their emotions very easily. I hated it. there would be times where I couldn't hold back the tears brimming on my waterline or the volume in my voice from escalating and I would beat myself up for it. there were also times that I bottled up my emotions so much that I exploded out of the blue. nothing trigged it. no one did anything. I didn't thought of it. and when I was asked, "what's wrong?", "what happened?", "is it because of this or that?" I couldn't give out a proper answer.

I tried many techniques or outlets but if I'm going to be honest with myself, I half-assed all of it. I just felt so comfortable in my own misery even know I hated it, I didn't want to leave it.

then, I discovered law of assumption.

well at first, I fell in law of attraction. now I thought it was alright, think positive=positive outcomes. think negative thoughts=negative outcomes. I thought it made sense, so I tried it and honestly I felt even more stressed and mentally frustrated. that's when fear came in. fear of thinking against my favor. fear if I didn't thought a right thought, or even let one negative thought slip out, I was a goner.

you would not believe how many nights I spent crying into my pillow but doing my best effort to keep my thoughts aligned with "I'm so loved!" "I am perfect!" "I am good enough!" like holding out to them like they were my savior. when law of assumption came in, I spent few months in 'affirming + persisting' phase aka basically same thing I was doing before in law of attraction.

more headaches came in, my emotions went haywire, felt hopeless, crying almost every night. I wasn't taking care of myself mentally or physically. afraid to leave my room, scrolling through any info I can find.

I honestly gave up on law of assumption for few weeks to a month. then I found states. neville. and edward art. but like before I was half-assing it, skimming through lectures and books and videos. even if I didn't wanted admit it then, I was still practicing 'affirming + persisting' all awhile.

that's when I had enough of my shit. I told myself nobody was going to save me, I needed to get myself together and be completely brutally honest with myself. but I couldn't do it. I was so afraid if I admit what I was doing I would be stuck or I wouldn't get my desires anymore. like a part of me wanted to let out my emotions freely but I was suppressing it. like I was afraid someone was going to punish me.

I stumbled back on edwards videos and really listened to them this time. I found out I was doing this to myself. like I was scaring myself. I was punishing myself. I didn't get at first, but the more I listened and sat with what he said, it was true. I formed mental circumstances in my head that placed me in fear of my own self. I found it funny, like wow, I've been doing this along? like really? me?!

so since I was the one blaming myself, can't I also be the that forgives myself? they both stem from the same source, imagination, and if I have access to anything in my imagination then aren't I allowed to go in direction to the one that makes me feel good?

yes.

so that's what I did. I focused more on myself and what I want to feel and have in my imagination. and I took it seriously and shamelessly. I let myself feel my emotions, if I got angry, I ranted to myself. if I felt doubts clouding in my head, I let them out. if I felt a breakdown coming in, I unleashed it. I didn't hold back this time. and once I was done, I forgive myself. I do not sin. I felt the relief of letting that baggage go and return to my I AM.

I either listen to either these of mediations: The Creator Mediation, or Pathway Back to Self or I asked myself, "okay, was it that I want to feel now? what do I want to accept?" sometimes I get an immediate rush of relief or love or happiness and my body opens up and imaginal acts flood in and that's when I know I accepted what I truly wanted. having what and being who I want in my imagination. changing my I AM. changing my conception of self. just to enjoy and feel that beautiful sensation run through my veins. and I see that as my truth. if that's what I want, then that's who I am. no questions. no conditions. just pure acceptance.

and so far, I've felt more calm and peace within myself and that's what I consider as a success. I can acknowledge my emotions and feel them and let go. nobody is holding them against me. nobody is forcing me to feel guilty for having them. nobody is forcing me to fear them. it's just me.

[grapementos]

nepenthe

(n.) something that makes you forget grief or suffering.

a/n: the second part of the cheating trilogy. aged up everyone.

kirishima and bakugo’s part.

midoriya x gn reader

cw: cheating, crying, suggestive if you squint, kissing.

midoriya was always so kind.

he'd go out of his way to do someone a favor—even though he was plenty busy himself.

it was that kindness and selflessness that initially drew you to him. and yet, once you got to know him, you found that he was also a bundle of insecurities and bottled up negative emotions.

it made sense, really. no one could be happy all the time. even hardworking, always smiling midoriya.

you helped him through his insecurities and hardships—as much as you could, anyway—and from there blossomed your relationship. it was built off of kindness and affection and trust.

as the years went by, you were able to watch the qualities that made him such a great hero flourish.

and yet, those same qualities—kindness, complaisance, selflessness—made him an easy victim to temptation.

he wasn't under the influence when he cheated on you. no, he was just under somebody else.

you were walking to his office during his break when you found out. bento in hand, blissfully unaware.

you'd run into iida on the way, so you walked together to go meet up with midoriya. you discussed his hero work and his newfound confidence in his abilities. he'd truly risen among the ranks, earning his spot as the number fifteen hero.

you were in the middle of congratulating him when you made it to midoriya's office, hand raising to knock.

you paused, hand hovering just above the door.

he wasn't alone.

"c'mon, izuku, just to release some stress, yeah?" the voice was sultry and made your stomach clench, knuckles going white around the bento.

you didn't barge in. not yet.

"i.. i can't. this is wrong. what about y/n?" he was so sickeningly timid, even when he was about to cheat on you.

"what about them? they're clearly not doing their job right. feel how tense you are?"

"hey!" he yelped, "really, this isn't right!"

"but you don't mind that, do you?"

there was no more conversation after that.

"iida.." you whispered, eyes welling up with unshed tears as the bento clattered to the floor.

he was going to stop you, grab your shoulder, anything to keep you from going in there. but you were quicker.

you opened the door.

why? why did you open the door? was hearing the interaction not enough for you? did it not prove what you already knew?

you regretted it. you regretted staring into the room to find your boyfriend of years with another person on his lap.

they were only kissing, but that was enough for you. that was enough for you to have to see.

you could only stare, lips quivering and tears too heavy to keep at bay. your legs gave out, chest aching as you started sinking towards the ground.

but iida was there.

iida caught you. he kept you from falling, in more ways than one.

you never did talk to midoriya after that. you went back to your shared home when you knew he wasn't there, iida helping you move everything out and to his place, where he offered to let you stay 'as long as you needed.' you accepted, of course. he'd asked you while you broke down in the middle of your old living room, face buried in his chest. but you managed to leave. you managed to let go.

you left the apartment key after everything that belonged to you was fully moved out.

and you never looked back.

BONUS:

you lived with iida for months, his presence protecting you from the idea of ever having to face midoriya again. he helped you change your number and block him from every social media outlet—hell, he even blocked news reports of 'the all-mighty pro-hero deku.'

the deku that had sunk down to the number six hero spot.

finally, after 5 months of healing, you told iida that you'd found a place and were thinking about purchasing it. it was great; a studio apartment for a good price and enough space for you to be cozy—it even allowed pets.

and yet, iida desperately searched for something wrong with it, trying to discourage you from buying it.

"tenya, is something wrong?" you frowned, turning to look back at him. he was nervously shuffling back and forth on his feet, eyes glued to the ground.

after a beat of silence, he bowed his head,

"please don't leave, y/n! i.. i like having you here and being in your company! so.. please stay!"

you just stared at the top of his head for a moment, blinking. then, laughter bubbled out from your chest, moving to delicately place the tip of your index finger on his head, "fine, but only if we can get a cat."

you did get a cat. a cat and a dog.

and, eventually, a husband.

stg @zuroki this wasn’t even angsty >:(((( so you better not complain/lh. also!! i’ve never written for deku before, so i hope this is okay rip :( reblogs are appreciated.

[imasimpforshanks]

Heyyyyyy hiiiiii hope your having an awesome day drinking that water getting hydrated 😗. I was wondering if you could do a Law Angst alphabet please. But only if you feel up to it and have time. If you don’t feel free to ignore or do it later here now have a cookie 🍪 because your awesome 😊

Angst Alphabet - Trafalgar Law

a/n: HI HI!!! thank you for your kind words!! I hope you are looking after yourself <333 here is the law angst! Please enjoy 🥰

A-Accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)

He would only blame himself if any of his actions led to the accident that caused your death (we’ve seen him blame himself for that very reason about Rosinantes death). If his actions weren’t directly correlated to your death in any way then he would not blame himself, though he would kick himself for not being able to help you in time. Other than that, Law is painfully aware of the harsh reality that is life.

B-Break up (How would they break up with you?)

Law would break up with you in a seemingly emotionless way. He’d mask his true feelings, while telling you a whole bunch of excuses why the two of you could no longer be together. He doesn’t believe any of them, but he’s got to do what he’s got to do.

C-Crying (how would they make you cry?)

I feel like I’ve used this one in a few other character alphabets but it really applies to Law too. He would cause you to stress and panic so much over his health and wellbeing. He’s a literal doctor. He should know to take better care of himself, but he just doesn’t seem to care about himself the same way you do. So it isn’t until you’re crying in front of him, spilling your heart out about how concerned you are for his safety that he realizes his health is important to more than just himself.

D-Death (how would they react to your death?)

My god, if Law was to lose another person that he loved, he literally would never want to let himself get close to anyone ever again. Your death would be it for Law. He’d basically be on the verge of giving up himself. What other reason does he have to go on.

E-Emotion (what is one emotion they would try to hide the most and how would they do it?)

He tries to hide every emotion. Law doesn’t like to be too open, out of fear of people using it against him or it simply being too much of a sign of weakness. So, very rarely does he let his emotions show. He also tries to divert attention away from himself in hopes that people won’t focus on him or his emotions for too long.

F-Fight (do you two ever fight? How big are the fights? What do you fight about? Etc.)

This was covered in his fluff alphabet! But here it is again:

Your fights tend to be pretty short lived resulting in forgiveness and apologies from both sides relatively quickly. He really doesn’t like to stay mad at you for too long – he’d much rather have you two on the same page.

Most fights are caused by stress and concerns of health and safety, so Law does a lot of eye rolling and using his title as a ‘doctor’ as justification that he knows what he’s doing so you just need to chill – but like I said these fights are very short lived.

G-Guilt (what is the biggest thing they feel guilty about?)

Law will never forgive himself for Rosinantes death. He will forever feel responsible for his death – it was all his fault. If only he hadn’t given that note to Vergo, then Rosinante would still be alive. He died because of Law’s incompetence (at least that’s what he tells himself).

H-Heartbreak (what would cause them pain in the relationship? How would they deal during a break-up?)

During a break-up Law would act pretty normal. He wouldn’t behave any differently until he’s left alone. Only then would he let himself go and truly feel that heartbreak.

I-Injured (how would they react if you are badly injured?)

Thanks to the doctor in him, Law is able to remain calm. He can keep his composure until he administers whatever treatment necessary. That’s not to say he isn’t worried though. He’s just capable of focusing on the injury right in front of him.

Only once he is certain that you are stable does he (or potentially his crew) go and hunt down the cause of your beating.

J-Jealousy (what do they do if they are jealous?)

When Law does get jealous (which is rarely), he gets quiet. His fists clench a little more, and his frown deepens. He also speaks less than usual (which is already pretty hard to beat). He only gives you short snippy replies until he eventually gets over it.

K-Kill (would they kill for revenge?)

Law would kill for revenge, yes. He literally wanted to kill Doflamingo as revenge for Rosinante. However, it was in Law’s plan that Kaido would be the one to kill Doflamingo (after they fought) – so I believe that is how he’d kill for revenge as well. He would devise a fool proof plan (okay maybe not fool proof, bc if the straw hats are involved who knows what could go wrong).

In short, yes. Law would kill for revenge.

L-Loss (what is their greatest loss?)

This poor man has suffered so much loss in his life that it’s actually really difficult to choose which would be his greatest loss. He lost his entire family as a young boy while also having a shortened lifespan himself. Losing his family, and the realization that he only had a few more years to live, really made him lose his will to live a good remainder of his life. Young Law literally became a pirate.

However, he did meet Rosinante (Corazon) and he gave him another reason to live. Furthermore, Rosinante actively sought out a cure for Law so that he could continue to live a long life. Basically, Rosinante became a father figure/older brother to Law. So, losing him – another ¬person he loved so dearly – would have been beyond devastating.

M-Mistake (what is the worst mistake they ever made with you?)

There was one day where he spent the entire day ignoring you. It was completely unintentional. His mind was swarming with plans and all this other information that has just come in. He got so immersed in it that he didn’t talk to you or tell you what was going on for a whole day.

N-Nightmares (how often do they have them? What are they about? How do they deal with it?)

Nightmares are one of the many reasons Law hardly ever sleeps. He’s haunted by his family’s and Rosinantes deaths. His nightmares get particularly bad around the same time each year (that is, around the time of year that they died). He wakes up trembling and on the verge of tears (but he never lets them fall). Instead of even trying to go back to sleep, he’ll make himself a nice hot cup of coffee and immerse himself in a book or work of some kind – anything to avoid going back to sleep and risking a re-run of that horrible nightmare.

O-Outrage (how and why would they get mad at you?)

Sometimes his exhaustion catches up to him and other times its all the stress building up that finally he snaps and all the emotions are too overwhelming that he just directs it to the nearest outlet, which just so happens to be you.

P-Past (what has happened in your relationship that changed the way you saw each other?)

You walked in on him absolutely breaking down over Rosinante. One evening Law retreated to his room while you and the rest of the crew were eating and drinking. He didn’t think you had noticed him leave, but soon you were following after him. You opened the door and found him breaking down in the middle of the room. You completely forgot that it was the anniversary of Rosinantes death. It was the first time you had seen him this distraught and it broke your heart.

It really cemented into your brain that no matter how tough he may look, he still suffers (probably more so than anyone). But, you were also grateful that you were able to see him like that, as it allowed him to start relying on you a little more.

Q-Quality (what is their most dangerous/toxic quality?)

His inability to openly express his emotions. Sure, now he will share with you how he is feeling, but that is with you and ONLY you. He still insists on keeping everything else bottle away from the rest of the world which is a really unhealthy way to deal with things. It’s not that you dislike being there for him, in fact, you appreciate how trusting he is with you. It’s just, what if there comes a time where you aren’t around and he’s in desperate need of someone to confide in?

R-Rejection (how would they react to you rejecting their confession (or the other way around)).

Law would wait until he was 100% certain you returned his feelings to confess to you. So, if you were to reject his confession he would be really confused for a while. He’d let it go because well, everyone has their own reasons – its not his place to tell you how you feel. All he can do is tell you how he feels and then the rest is up to you.

S-Scars (battle or self-inflicted)

He has no self-inflicted scars, and to my knowledge he has no battle scars either. But, his arm did get cut off and then reattached during the Dressrosa arc, so it actually is likely that there is a remaining scar from that (although I’m not certain).

T-Trust (have they ever broken your trust?)

Nope not at all. In fact, the only instance in which he would possibly break your trust, or lie to you, about is when he went to Punk Hazard and sent his crew to Zou. Some would assume that he wouldn’t tell you his plan out of fear of your safety, but that’s not true. He had to tell you. You taught him to be open and honest, and to trust. So that’s exactly what he did.

U-Urge (how badly do they want to see you after you guys separated?)

Law has gotten so comfortable around you that whenever you aren’t there, he gets unbearably anxious. Your presence is soothing, even if he can’t see you, even if he can only hear your voice echoing throughout the Polar Tang, it’s enough to put his mind at ease. So, if you are separated for a while… oh boy does he want to see you badly.

V-Vicious (what do they do when they lash out on you?)

He tends to yell at you. He tells you to “piss off” and that “you’re only being a nuisance right now”, despite you only wanting to help him.

W-Weak (what makes them feel weak how do they try to avoid it?)

Not being able to control things makes Law feel really weak. Weak may not be the right word, but it definitely makes him feel unprepared. He doesn’t like when things are out of his control and he can’t account for things. Which is usually why he always does extensive research and preparation before constructing a well thought out plan.

X-X-ray (what do they hate and show it most obviously?)

Well, I mean other than his obvious hatred of bread, Law also really hates when he works extremely hard on formulating a plan only for it to be completely thrown out of the window by a reckless straw hat wearing captain and his entire crew. (and somehow everything still ends up working out!!! That is the part that frustrates Law the most HAHAH).

Y-Yearn (what is one thing that they want but can’t have?)

One of the only things he’s ever really wanted was for Doflamingo to be taken down. He’s been partially successful in that sense, seeing as Doflamingo is in prison now. However, he wants more than that. He wants Doflamingo to suffer the same way he has.

Z-Zero (what do they do/say in your dying moments?)

It may seem a little out of character but… I believe Law would be borderline desperate/inconsolable. There would be a lot of clinging on to you, begging you not to leave him like everyone else he’s ever loved. He can’t handle another person leaving him, it’s too much. It’s far too much.

He wouldn’t cry (just yet), but his voice would tremble, and his hands would be shaking. His mind would be racing with all sorts of theories and possible ways he could save you. How could he possibly prevent the inevitable?

[letters-from-eros]

I know you don't have rules for that already but can I ask for relationship hc's for Chuuya and Dazai with a fem or gender neutral s/o?😳❤

A/N: Am I foaming from the mouth for my first BSD request? Maybe. I hope this is good though. I added in a short part on how they asked you out cause I wanted this to be different and unique from most dating HCs.

Pairing(s): Dazai Osamu, Chuuya Nakahara x GN!Reader

Warnings: Slight mention of suicide in Dazai's, cursing

Form: Headcanon

Also: These ran super duper long I'm so sorry

You managed to cuff the suicidal maniac, huh?

Well done, my friend, well done

It took him so long to ask you out, and even when he did it wasn't planned. In all honesty, he never planned to tell you about his feelings. The excruciating part for him is that he did fall pretty fast, and realized he was falling even faster.

He didn't deny them, that wouldn't make it go away. He knew that. He sat and let it festered, hoping it would just disappear at some point.

Had the mindset of anything he loved he'd lose, y'know? Sad but so.

The way I'd imagine it happening is that you both are either working late at the ADA (with just the two of you there) or just at his place hanging out into all hours of the night.

Both of you are laughing at some dumb joke Dazai made and as the laughter dies out he feels.. Bittersweet. You make him feel genuinely happy, like there's no need to put on any mask or facade. That was not a feeling he had with anyone else.

Once silence fully overtakes you both it slips out of his mouth, purely on accident.

"I love you"

"More than suicide?"

"Y/n I'm serious!"

From that night forward you had the pleasure of being the partner of Dazai Osamu, with his feelings being released in an extremely cliche coming-of-age-movie way.

Okay, onto actually dating Dazai

Still goofy as all hell. Honestly the only thing that has really changed is the he lets you in a lot less hesitantly on small things. Its easier to put cracks in his walls, per se

Unbothered by PDA and will probably make out with you in public and not see why that isn't a thing that should be done or why you wouldn't like it.

(Just tell him if you don't, he'll get over it eventually)

Will kiss you everywhere, doesn't exactly have a favorite place, but where he does end up kissing you the most is your forehead for convenience. He'll kiss your wrist if he's holding your hand, too.

Clingy as all hell, always wants to be touching you in some way and becomes the biggest dramatic bitch when he can't be around you.

Kunikida will actually punt him if he says he'll die if he's away from you for another second. For the tenth time

No more suicide attempts once you two are dating, and doesn't ask for a double suicide with you because he knows it'll upset you quite a bit

He flirts with you like he's trying to get you to date him lmao he will never ease up, especially if it gets you bashful.

Dazai would NOT be dating you if he did not trust you a whole lot, so thats something that is pretty vital to the relationship.

That being said, please be understanding of the pieces of Dazai he keeps locked away to never see the light of day again and trust him just as much as he trust you. Its important especially if you don't want the relationship to be one-sided

Also with the high amount of trust he places in you, he doesn't get jealous easily. I mean he may get pissy that you're not giving him any attention but jealous is never the right word to use

Mf finally washes his fucking clothes once he starts dating you. Doesn't smell like the bottom of the ocean on a regular basis anymore.

Dates are always chill and rarely super extravagant. Park dates are often but Dazai's truly preferred date is snuggling inside, watching a few movies and slipping in and out of naps.

Belladonna is his go-to petname for you, of course, but he may bounce around with other petnames for kicks.

He will start calling you weird shit if you ignore him for to long.

Never raises his voice at you unless its in some joking manner. On the rare occurrence that you two have an argument he would need to get extremely riled up before he resorts to raising his voice. He tries to have patience and usually succeeds.

Dazai gets SO soft and SO loving sometimes, and it can be out of no where or something minuscule could have sparked it. All I know is that its nice and cute 🥰

He's usually pretty vulnerable himself when he gets like that so match his energy, alright? If you don't he might end up a little sour for some short amount of time and be more hesitant to get like that

10/10 Lover. This is by no means an effortless relationship, its a constant battle of figuring out boundaries, running into walls and respecting them. Dating Dazai isn't toxic if you treat him right and when you do? It definitely pays off.

(This got so long. I've had so much pent-up Dazai love and all around BSD love and I finally had an outlet to completely let it out)

HUSBAND. THE LOML

Okay, sorry. But this man is the love of my life, and he will be yours as well.

Took him a while to really figure out his feelings for you, or to better put it, it took him a while to label the feeling he had towards you "love"

But ONCE HE DID mans was practically whipped before you officially started dating omg.

You could notice the shift in attitude when he figured out his feelings. He got nervous, went stiff and blushy all against his will. Maybe a tad bit more snappy.

He'd try to keep his cool and then just eat shit and become a babbling angry mess.

After every encounter and interaction with you he'd end up overthinking all of it and when he catches himself doing that he gets so upset with himself. It's really when he realized that he won't be able to keep his feelings a secret forever.

Definitely started avoiding you when planning on the 🌈perfect🌈 way to ask you out and blamed work if you asked him why he was avoiding you.

Anyway, the way he asks you out was almost as calculated as a proposal.

He asks you to meet him at the port and dress comfortably towards the end of the day

When you get there, Chuuya has a nice place set up for you both. A blanket and a bottle of expensive wine because we all know he's lowkey an alcoholic along with a very nice view of the ocean/port.

Chuuya made sure it didn't radiate too much romantic energy to give his plans away; also, he wasn't that nervous. Once he gets truly determined to do something, he doesn't let something like anxiety get in the way of it. The idea of being rejected was essentially an afterthough

Made an effort to make sure he didn't drink too much and neither did you. He didn't want to take advantage of the possibility of you being drunk by the time he asks you out and he knows he himself has a low tolerance

Once the sun began to set is when he asks. Stutters a little bit towards the beginning but smooths it out.

"Y/n, I uh.. I brought you to tell you that I love you."

"Have you drank too much already, Chuuya?"

"No! I'm completely sober!"

It was overall super cute and unforgettable, just as he planned.

Honestly, being in a relationship with this boy is just 🥰

Spoils you so much. You'll deadass be dripped out head to toe purely in stuff Chuuya has bought you.

Dw, he has an alright sense of fashion

Don't try to discourage him, that'll only get him to buy more stuff.

Chuuya's short and the concept of a size difference doesn't bother him at all, he'll find a way to kiss you regardless lol

On the topic of kissing, his favorite places are your lips and hands

He takes of his gloves whenever he's with you and let me tell you his hands are the softest things ever. Albeit his knuckles are a little calloused sometimes.

If you're anything like me, you'd want his soft hands on you 24/7 and y'know what? Chu would happily oblige.

He isn't like the biggest fan of PDA but certainly isn't against it. He'd rather keep things behind doors as much as he can. Holding hands and small kisses on the cheek are very fine by him.

He isn't like the biggest jealous type? He doesn't become overly irate or anything but certainly doesn't take any pleasure in watching you talk to other guys.

Chuuya does have some form of self restraint when it comes to that. Him getting a lil jealous is one of the only things that'll have him completely make-out with you in public or smth

Chuuya is very snuggly and touchy behind closed doors. He practically becomes Dazai but a lot less goofy

Oh yeah he definitely rants about how much he fucking hates Dazai now n again

Isn't huge on petnames but definitely calls you them every now and again.

Princess, babe and baby are his top few.

Chuuya definitely has a morning voice where it drops 2 octaves and its just 🥰

Never yells at you, its pretty shocking. The only times he's ever raised his voice with you is when its very obvious that he's not genuinely upset with you. Almost for comedic affect because it is angry short boy Chuuya

One may think arguments are often with Chuuya, but they're sort of not. He may be a pretty stubborn individual but he never argues to argue unless its Dazai-

He always works towards and agreement to end the argument as soon as possible. He keeps his cool and will never raise his voice. You can barely call them arguments because of how much he tries to keep his cool.

When he's stressed or had a bad day he gets extremely quiet because he doesn't even want the opportunity to open his mouth and take it out on you. The only words he'll say to you while he's in that state is that he's stress and you didn't do anything wrong just to make sure you're not worried over it.

All and all? Chuuya is the best and there's no way around it. He has his faults but always tries to improve and be his best self for you :)

(I had even more pent-up love for Chuuya and it got even longer, whoops-)

[queereddie]

Hi 💕💕 I'm recently into one piece too and I'm enjoying it a lot. Could I request for Zoro with s/o who's really sweet and polite, but she handles a lot of emotions and doesn't want to disturb anyone, and have a sudden breakdown because of it. Sorry if it's too specific idk how to express the idea 🥺 I'm looking forward to see your writing 💕 thank uuu

hi! first off, i am very sorry that it took so long for me to get this out but this last weekend was so much busier than i expected! second off, this is my first time writing for zoro and i am VERY excited because he’s easily my favorite one piece character so far! i really hope i did him justice <3 

as i’m just starting writing for one piece and i’ve never written for an anime before, i’m open to any and all constructive criticism but pls don’t be mean bc i am truly so sorry if this sucks

-you were a people pleaser by nature. you wanted everyone to be happy all the time, even if it meant sacrificing taking care of yourself to take care of them.

-zoro had known that about you pretty much from the moment he met you. truthfully, he loved how much you cared for other people, but he also worried that you weren’t taking care of yourself in your attempts to make sure everyone else was okay

-he knew you tended to bottle up everything so as not to disrupt anyone else’s day by talking to them about it

-he desperately wanted to help you, but he wasn’t totally sure how to. he would hold you at night and assure you that he was there to help you like you help everyone else, but this is who you had always been and it wasn’t easy to change it.

-at this particular point in time, it felt like everyone around you was having some very strong emotions. anger, sadness, fear -- whatever it was, they were all struggling and, as always, you ended up being the comfort for everyone.

-(you had this natural calming, nurturing vibe about you that just made people want to turn to you when things got hard, and you really didn’t mind it usually, but things were getting really hard right now.)

-nami was venting to you about something or another. you tried really hard to listen, but your head was starting to pound with the stress of having everyone’s burdens on your shoulders, and it was getting hard for you to follow the intricacies of her story. all you could do was nod and give some quiet verbal acknowledgements to encourage her to keep talking, but if she had asked you a question, you were so fucked because you weren’t tracking with her

-once she finally finished venting, she hugged you, and then left because luffy and usopp were causing a commotion out on the deck, leaving you down below deck sitting with your head in your hands

-it was getting dark outside, and your head hurt, and you were so overwhelmed with everything. you considered getting zoro because really all you needed was someone to come sit with you for a minute, but he was in the middle of his training and you didn’t want to interrupt him (despite the fact that he’d told you countless times before that he didn’t mind you interrupting him if you needed him)

-so instead, you sat for you don’t know how long, trying to gather yourself when really you felt like you were going to explode if you didn’t somehow let some of this out. the emotions were flooding you, and you needed some outlet or else you were going to drown in it. you just knew it.

-before you could think about that anymore, zoro finally came looking for you.

-”(y/n?)” he asked as he walked in, shutting the door behind him quietly once he saw you there. you didn’t even look up at him as he walked in, and you definitely didn’t speak. if you did, you would start crying, so you kept your jaw clenched tight

-he came and kneeled down in front of you in an effort to get you to look at him, taking your hands into his. he was still sweaty and shirtless from his workout, but it didn’t bother you any. “(y/n),” he repeated, and you finally glanced at him just long enough to see the worried look on his face, then you squeezed your eyes shut

-”don’t look at me like that,” you mumbled. after you spoke, you sniffled once, still trying your hardest to keep it all in. you didn’t want to break down now. that wasn’t who you were. you were the strong one who was there for everyone else, not the one who cried alone.

“what’s going on?” he asked, still not looking away from you. you shook your head. “are you okay?” he asked, and -- of course -- that was what did it. you didn’t even have it in you to answer. all you could do was cry.

-you weren’t totally sure how that one question could send you over the edge so easily, but it did. you sobbed hard, harder than you had in far too long.

-zoro didn’t hesitate to pull you into his arms, moving so that he was sitting on the bed and he could pull you into his lap to hold you better as you cried into his shoulder. he didn’t say anything, just rubbed his hand up and down your back and let you cry until you couldn’t cry anymore.

-then, once your tears stopped, he leaned back just a little until he could look at you and wipe away the last of them.

-you told him everything then, about how you’d gotten overwhelmed with everyone else’s burdens piling up along with your own negative feelings, and he listened to it all.

-after that night, he promised himself (and you, though he’d never actually said it out loud) that he wouldn’t let you get to that point again

-he started making more of an effort to make sure you were being taken care of. where you slacked, he would pick up. he wasn’t good with words, but he made it a point to show you every day that you weren’t in this alone and that you had someone in your corner with him

-long story short, zoro loves you very much and wishes you would take good care of yourself because yes, life is hard and feelings are A Lot, but you’re not alone <3

[scorsoneamelia]

Can you write something where Amelia is taking care of everyone, Scout, Maggie, Mer etc and she comes home and she is sad and when Link asks her what is wrong she tells him she’s burned out and she can’t help but think that everyone around her keeps dying Derek, Deluca, Christopher, etc and he tells her that he will always be there for her and maybe he does a nice romantic gesture. Basically I want some fluffy amelink please thanks so much I love your writing. Stay safe!

 honestly im kind of disappointed in this :((((( i have been working on it for three days tho and i keep promising that i’ll post so here it is!!!!

          Exhausted. Mentally and physically, Amelia was drained. There’s been too much on her plate, Scout, Meredith’s kids, Meredith, Andrew, her own thoughts and her addiction was slowly starting to creep back in. She feels like she hasn’t slowed down in months and she’s tired. Maggie had come down with the common cold, causing her to be stuck in a bedroom because there was a pandemic. It’s not covid, Amelia. I was tested. But they lived with 4 children, there was no risking anything, so Maggie isolated herself in her own bedroom. Whenever there was food made, (if Amelia was actually able to cook something edible) she’d have to deliver it to Maggie’s room. Meredith was still in the hospital, she was awake but she couldn’t come home yet so her nieces and nephew was still her responsibility.

           Link had been occasionally going to Jo’s house with a bottle of wine, or some hard liquor that they’d usually finish in a few hours because he was coping and because he’s “not in recovery.” Something that Amelia couldn’t do because she was an “alcoholic.” So even though Link was stressed out he still had an outlet, an unhealthy one some would argue, but he would leave the house to hangout with a friend to get the edge off.

            Amelia had just gotten back from visiting Owen, (mostly to help Teddy) because after another tragedy they lost Andrew DeLuca, causing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for Teddy because it brought back memories of Allison, the love of her life. Owen was being insensitive and Amelia would be the first one to call him out on it. It caused a lot for Amelia too, the pandemic, taking care of everyone else and never getting a chance to breathe and focus on herself which was causing her addiction to creep back in, losing a good friend due to a horrific tragedy, all of the stress, she just couldn’t handle it. Seeing Teddy in that state only reminded her of everyone she lost too, and it made her sad. It seemed like everyone around her was dying, everyone she considered a friend was either dead or was dying.

            Everyone around her always dies. Her father, her best friend, her boyfriend, her baby, her brother, Meredith almost left her too and one of her coworkers, her friend, also died. Now the help that she got from Maggie wasn’t there because she was in isolation. Link was drinking at Jo’s and Amelia refused to bring it up to him again considering the last time she said anything it caused a fight, resulting in Link leaving the house.

            The kids were all in bed, Scout being the last one to be put down because he was extra cranky today, it felt like all he did today was cry and it seemed like on some days that’s all he could do, no matter what she did for him. Babies are hard work and she knew that, but she was burnt out. She never understood how Meredith did this with three kids.

           A long and exhausted sigh came out of her mouth as she plopped down onto the couch, bringing both hands to her face to run them through her hair. Her life has changed so much, ever since Christopher she never imagined having another baby, she feels guilty for loving Scout and she almost feels like it replaced her love for Christopher.

          The front door was being pushed open and Link was walking in, taking his black jacket off and then they made eye contact. She didn’t say anything to him, she just adverted her eyes down into her lap, her hands resting in them. A soft cry escaped her lips and her face was being put into her hands, cries slowly making their way out of her throat.

         “What’s wrong?” Link immediately asked, sitting next to her and placing a hand on her shoulder in a comforting way. His voice was soft and he sounded concerned.

          “I’m just,” she sniffled, bringing a hand up to her face to wipe off the tears. “So tired. I feel like everyone around me is dying and I’m exhausted.”

           Immediately after, Link stood from the couch, quickly making his way over to the staircase. “I’m going to run you a warm bath and you’re going to relax, it’s what you need right now.” Before Amelia could interject, he was already up the stairs and moments later she heard the faint sound of watering running and filling up the bath tub. So, she followed, meeting him in the bathroom, tears still wetting her cheeks. 

          “You need a minute to just relax and breathe,” he placed his hands on her shoulders and rubbed them, the friction making her warm. “You’ve been doing so good with the kids and Scout, you deserve this.” 

            A small warm smile tugged at the corners of her lips and her blue eyes looked into his matching blue eyes, both of their eyes trailing down to each other’s lips. Their kiss was soft and gentle, like it was their first kiss and it was just what she needed. “Thank you.” She whispered softly before they kissed once more before he left the bathroom, pulling the door closed behind him so that she could have some privacy and so she could relax. 

________

            She had come downstairs, a loose pair of baggy pants hanging off of her hips with a loose t-shirt on and her hair was damp. Link thought she looked beautiful, he knows he’s in love with her. To prove that, he had set up a bed in front of the fireplace, there was lots of blankets and pillows, all of her favorite kind of snacks (doughnuts too, cause Link loved them) spread out on the floor. The wood in the fireplace was burning, making a crack and pop sound every so often and the house was quiet and warm.  

          “Link,” she breathed, walking closer to see the set-up he made for her. “What’s all this?”

          “I just wanted you to have a good night, just the two of us.” He was already laying down on his side on top of the mountain of blankets, using his arm to prop himself up. “Breathe and relax. You’re so stressed out, you need to relax more.” 

            She joined him, the heat from the fireplace immediately warming her body. Both of them reached for a doughnut, trying to put as much of it into their mouths as they could, it was something they’ve always done it somehow became their thing. But everytime they both end laughing too hard and one of them always almost chokes on it, or one nearly spits it out. Both of them were laughing now, genuine smiles taking over their faces that even reached their eyes. 

            “I just want you to know,” Link said once their laughs subsided, his hand reaching for hers and letting her soft fingers intertwine with his. “I know everything feels overwhelming right now and everything sucks. But, I just wanted to let you know that I will always be here for you, I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Amelia. You have me, I’ve got you. Everything is going to be okay.” 

            Her smile was warm, her grip on his hand getting tighter and she was moving closer to him. “I know you might be feeling all of this guilt with Scout and Christopher. I know you love Christopher and I know you love Scout and nothing will ever replace the love you have for him. You have enough love to give everyone, and that’s what I love about you. You feel everything so deeply, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” 

           There were both kissing now, this time not as soft, this time they were kissing with so much passion that you could feel the love in their kisses. Her left hand reached up to his face to rest it on his jawline, pulling him closer to her. She loved him so much that she could feel it throughout her entire body.

           After they broke up their kiss, they were laying down, Link’s back flat on the ground while Amelia laid her head on his chest, wrapping an arm around his waist. “You didn’t have to do any of this you know.”

          “I just figured you could take your mind off of some stuff for the night, and I wanted to remind you that I love you.” His arm was running up and down her arm and her side, her face nuzzling deeper into his neck. 

         They both laid there for a few minutes in silence, both just wanting to enjoy each other’s company. The tips of his fingers were running up and down her arm in a soothing motion, his heartbeat vibrating against his chest and within minutes she was asleep. A soft snore came out of her mouth and it caused Link to smile, placing a kiss on the top of her head. 

         Scout was crying from upstairs, most likely because he had an accident and he needed his diaper changed. Amelia stirred from under him, her eyes fluttering open an being woken up from her short sleep. Her arm that was around his waist loosened and she was pushing herself up so that she could go and check on Scout. 

          Link beat her to it though, standing up before her. “I’ll go, you sleep.” He planted one more kiss on her forehead and turned to make his way up the stairs. He turned back to look at her once more, seeing her already peacefully sleeping, her mouth partially open and a soft snore coming out of her lips. One arm was rested against her side and the other nuzzled underneath her chin. He could look for her for hours because she looked so calm and peaceful and beautiful. He would have stayed in that exact moment but Scout’s cries were only getting more demanding and he didn’t want to wake Amelia so he left, heading up the stairs.

[la-femme-damnee]

A Chance Encounter

Pt. 1 of the Under Covers series 

Characters: Suho x y/n

Genre: spy au, graphic smut

Rating: Mature (fem oral receiving, cock-riding, ever so slightly femme-dom) 

word count: 2.1k words 

You had never intended to sleep your way into a job. You had only gone to that bar a week ago to blow off some steam, as having been working at a private security firm for a few years you had a lot of stress to work off, and when you saw that gorgeous man with a mysterious air about him you figured he would be the perfect outlet. Which, of course, he was. Even now, seeing him leaning back in his chair, pulling at his tie while he dealt with some urgent business on the phone, you felt a rush of heat through your body as you thought about the night that wound up changing your life.

***** one week earlier*****

You noticed him immediately from across the bar; he was sitting alone in his booth, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, looking casually around the bar as he sipped on his drink. It was like he had an invisible spotlight on him, and all the women in the bar were glancing over at him, hoping to catch his eye. You were never one to fight for attention, so you let the other women silently fight over him, and you honestly hadn’t meant to look his way, but luckily you did at just the right moment. He locked eyes with you and raised his eyebrow in a mischievous way, an invitation to come to his table, which you accepted. You made your way over to him, sitting close while still facing him directly.

“What can I buy you to drink?” his smooth voice perfectly matching his appearance.

“The penthouse? Well, aren’t I lucky to have caught your attention when I did”, you laughed.

“Scotch is fine by me”, you responded, grabbing the bottle on his table and the extra glass, pouring yourself a drink. A small grin appeared on his face; he was clearly impressed with your boldness. You maintained eye contact as you took a sip, lightly licking your lips.  “I’m y/n” you said, almost as an afterthought. “Who might you be?”

“Does my name really matter? I have a feeling we won’t be doing much talking tonight” he said with a playful tone, which took you aback, but more than being offended you were turned on. After a long week of work you were just looking to have a little fun, and he seemed to be the perfect playmate.

“You might be right. Still, I’ll need some sort of name to scream out, won’t I?” you said back, challenging him.

The mysterious man smiled, “Alright, how about… Jun-myeon? Come on, my car is right outside”, and with that you two got up and made your way to the door, and you could feel daggers in the back of your head as every woman in the bar glared at you with envy, but you were used to it. You always got whatever man you wanted. Jun-myeon led you to his car, a sleek black Audi, and you were impressed but not surprised; clearly this guy had lots of money, you don’t have his kind of powerful aura without it. Almost immediately after the car pulled away from the bar, his hand was on your leg, slowly caressing your inner thigh, and even through all the fabric you felt sparks of arousal. You silently cursed yourself for not changing into something more revealing after work so you could feel his skin on yours, but thankfully before long you pulled into the underground garage of an apartment building. Jun-myeon opened the door for you and placed his hand on your lower back as he guided you to the elevator, where he scanned his card and pressed the button for the penthouse.

“It wasn’t luck, y/n” he responded, suddenly very serious, his gaze intense, “I noticed you the second you walked in the bar. I couldn’t keep my eyes off you, I just waited until you noticed me”, and suddenly his mouth was on yours, kissing you deeply and pulling you into him. You wrapped your arms around his neck and returned his kiss, biting his lower lip which elicited a growl of pleasure from him. You continued making out, his lips felt so good on yours. The doors of the elevator dinged open, and he guided you out of the elevator and opened his door without ever breaking contact. Clearly, he had done this before, but you didn’t care, your primal instincts had taken over and all you cared about was getting him inside of you. The two of you stumbled into his apartment and came up for air just long enough for him to get you to his bedroom, and before you knew it Jun-myeon was ripping of your blouse, exposing your lace covered breasts. He let out a low, throaty moan as he ran his hands over your body, and your skin was practically burning with desire form his touch.

“You know I’m gonna have to get you back for that” you said, your breathe ragged, and he flashed a wicked smile at you.

“That’s what I was hoping for” he retorted, and so you pushed him back onto the bed and ripped off his shirt in return, the buttons bouncing along the hardwood floor. You straddled him and undid his belt buckle, unzipping his pants to expose his boxers straining around his bulge. You reached for his cock and began to roughly stroke it through the fabric as you kissed his muscular chest, hearing him fight back moans and felt his hands grip your hair. Unexpectedly he pulled your head back, “not so fast, y/n, I want to last for you”, and he flipped you over so that he was on top. He began to suck on your neck, at a sensitive spot right below your ear, and you felt a gush of wetness in your panties. You were so overcome with pleasure you hadn’t noticed that he had removed his pants and yours, until you felt his hand massaging you core.

“I want you to use that pretty mouth of yours to make me come” you whispered into his ear. He pulled away to look at you, a thrilled expression on his face.

“Yes, Miss y/n”, he said eagerly, and left a trail of kisses down your stomach until he was between your legs. He pulled off your panties and let his fingers gently run through your folds, soaking up some of your wetness before letting his tongue lightly graze along your slit, causing you to shudder. You let out a little whine of pleasure every time he licked your clit, and when he covered it with his lips and began to suck you screamed. You could feel your orgasm coming and you begged for more, so he let his fingers, still wet with your arousal, slide into you. That was all it took before you were shaking, the orgasm overtaking your body. The high began to subside but you still wanted more, so you pushed yourself onto your elbow and grabbed him by the hair this time, pulling him away from you.

“Stand up”, you commanded, and he did without hesitation. “Now take of your underwear. Slowly.” As much as you were aching for him to be inside you, you also wanted to see how obedient he was. He did as he was told, his thumbs sliding into the waistband of his boxers he slowly slid them down his legs. As he did so, you let your eyes roam all over his body, slim but muscular, and began to touch yourself, biting your lip when you saw his hard cock. You looked into his eyes and you could see how hard he was trying to wait for your instructions but also desperately wanting stroke himself. Having this gorgeous man at your mercy had you on the edge, and you couldn’t wait any longer.

  “Good boy. Now, lie on the bed”.  As soon as he was horizontal you positioned yourself over him, bending down to kiss him deeply as you guided his cock to your entrance. You took him in you all at once, gasping at how good it felt to be full, and began to slowly circle your hips so you could feel every inch of him against your walls.

  “Fuck, y/n, you feel so good” he moaned as you rocked against him, and he let his hands roam along your waist, thighs, and stomach. You reached behind you to undo your bra and let it fall to the floor, and the sight of your exposed breasts broke him.

  “I’m sorry, y/n, I can’t hold back anymore. I need to fuck you”, and with that he grabbed your hips and began thrusting roughly into you. The feeling of his thick cock sliding in and out of you, and his fingers digging into your hips felt so good you let him take control. You let out screams of pleasure as you raked your nails down his chest, leaving bright red scratches behind. He let out a deep moan at the pain, and his eyes had gone black, lust completely taking over him.

  “Yes, Myeonnie, take me!” you screamed, and at that he pinned your arms behind your back and pulled you onto him, thrusting into you even deeper. With every stroke you could feel him hit your g-spot, which combined with the friction against your clit catapulted you into your second orgasm. The intensity caused your muscles to spasm, and your grip around Jun-myeon’s cock was even tighter. He began to grunt, and you could tell that his release wasn’t far behind. “Come for me, Jun-myeon! I want you to come inside me” you cried and seconds later you felt his cock throbbing as his hot seed poured into you. You lay on-top of him for a few moments, panting as you both came down from your highs. You then carefully slid off him and collapsed beside him, spent and deliriously happy.

You shot up at his response. “Wait…do you mean, the Suho? As in, head of the EXO spy agency, Suho?” You were completely bewildered.

“I’ve waited a long time to find a woman like you, y/n” he said, gently pushing aside a lock of hair from your forehead.

“I had a lot of fun too,” you responded, your fingers gently tracing over the marks you left on him, “but this was just a one-time thing, right? I mean, you didn’t even tell me your real name.”

“Oh, I don’t mean for a girlfriend”, he smiled “and you’re right, I didn’t tell you my real name. I’m Suho.”

Your head was spinning. “Wait, how do you know I work in private security? Have you been stalking me?”

  “So you have heard of me, I wasn’t sure if my name had gotten to the private security sector yet”, he said casually. “Well, yes, I am that Suho. How would you like to come work for me?”

“Relax, I haven’t been stalking you!” He laughed, “You still had your work badge on at the bar, didn’t you realize? Well, don’t worry, spies don’t wear name tags. Kinda defeats the whole purpose of you know, being a spy”.

  You began to calm down as you took everything in. Everyone in your field, both security and criminals, had heard about the EXO spy agency. They were a group of elite operatives, the go-to agents when you needed something done right without leaving a trace. You had also heard whispers of a charismatic leader Suho, but anybody who had met him was sworn to absolute secrecy and leaking any information about him beyond his name would lead to certain death.

“I don’t understand, why would you want me to work for you”, you asked genuinely.

A giant smile spread across your face. “How soon can I start?”

  “When I saw your badge, I immediately recognized the name of your firm. I know that family only hires the best, which means that you have to have intelligence, technical skills, and great fighting technique. They might not be to EXO standard, but I’m confident you can be trained. What’s special about you is that you have something none of my agents have, something that I’ve been needing. When I saw you at the bar, you exuded this raw sexual power, and tonight was proof that you have the ability to get any man under your control. Men will be completely vulnerable to you, and that’s invaluable to me. So, what do you say, do you want to become a member of the EXO spy agency?”

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

U N P L A N N E D, part seven

By the end of the night at Jeff and Glenne’s, Lexi was nowhere to be found. You didn’t really mind--you didn’t feel as out of place as you’d expected and Harry had been more than happy to bring you around to different friends or familiar faces to say hello. 

A girl with dark brown hair who sang backup on his album listened excitedly as he brought her up to speed on the new plan for release. The album, originally due out in August or September was now being pushed to December. It was strategic really. 

Late summer buzz when the baby announcement came out. Winter album release, promo before and after to tide his fans over until a spring time tour, giving him the perfect span of three or four stationary months in L.A. that aligned with your maternity leave.

Genius, really. It was all thanks to Jeff and his team.

So you smiled at the girl with the dark hair and pretended you didn’t notice the fact that she kept stealing glances down at your belly, as small as it still was. 

This was the risky stage, really, when people got it wrong and asked about someone’s due date, only to be mortified when someone gave the dreaded response, I’m not pregnant. You’d seen it happen to someone else once, a woman in the checkout line at the grocery store. The cashier put her foot in her mouth and you vowed to never ask someone about their due date unless they mentioned it first. 

So you cut Laura some slack. 

“We’ll tour it next spring and summer, so you’ll have to come,” he said to his friend, a smile on his face when he lifted up his sunglasses. The sun had already sunk beneath the horizon, his cheeks were tinged pink from the hot day.

“I’ll bring your youngest audience member ever,” you revealed, letting a hand rub over your belly as you offered a smile in her direction.

“Oh, that’s so sweet! When are you due?”

“January, middle of the month. So--I might need some noise canceling headphones.”

“Hey--I make good music,” Harry pretended to take offense. 

“I didn’t say you don’t--”

“Is it yours?” Laura asked, her eyes pulling up to Harry’s face for a second, wide with shock.

Harry looked down at you, down at the bump. You could tell he was frozen, unsure of what he should say and how he should say it. 

“No--God no,” you said quickly. “It’s our friend, Peter.”

Harry’s lips twitched into a smile. “Yeah--Peter, he’s a good friend. He’s a great guy, a dream, really. Gonna be a great father.”

“He’s okay,” you made a face at Harry. “A lot to learn, probably never changed a diaper in his life.”

“He has too,” Harry defended quickly. “At least five or six.”

“Well he’ll be changing probably five or six a day.”

“That’s fine, he’ll be fine with that. He’s extremely committed to that baby.”

“Yeah, well,” you stifled a laugh. “We’ll see.”

Laura laughed, a skeptical look disappeared from her face when Glenne came up and offered dessert, effectively breaking up the conversation. Harry draped an arm over your shoulder for a split second when most people had started to make their way to the other side of the pool. 

“Just so you know, I’m gonna make you call her and explain that lie once we come out with it.”

“Deal,” you said. “I’ll tell her you had sex with your friend Peter’s girlfriend and we didn’t know who’s it was until it was born..”

“Jesus,” he laughed. “Can’t tell if you’re the funniest person I’ve met or the meanest.”

“I like to think I’m a mix of both.”

**

It was probably a good thing that you didn’t see Harry for another week after that. The onesie and the party at Jeff and Glenne’s and a completely new project at work had you feeling incredibly overwhelmed, left with only enough energy to drive home, take off your bra, and sit on the couch. 

Most nights Lexi was home. There were a few evenings when she’d meet Glenne and Jeff or stay late on set. She’d come home with leftovers or funny stories, and you’d fall asleep before 10pm. 

But you figured it was a good thing, the distance and space. The last two times you’d seen him, you left with a glow. The infatuation kind, not the pregnancy kind. That type of shit was asking for trouble. 

So you ignored the urge to call or text him. Most days he’d ask how you were feeling, what you were up to. You’d take your time to respond, give short answers and tell him you were too busy to see him. It wasn’t necessarily true, but you were tired. Too tired to drive all the way to his house in the hills and then all the way home. Especially when being around him required the self-control and restraint that it suddenly did.

You answered when he called, talked on the phone for an hour at a time some days. You told yourself it was nothing. It was normal it was normal it was normal. 

On the Wednesday of week twelve, you were scheduled to meet with the same crew: Jeff, Harry, Dave, Emma, Lola, and John. This time, the topic was a bit more hopeful. Some type of strategy meeting to talk about what type of information to release and what to keep private. 

When you woke up and started rifling through your closet, you came to a grim realization. Things weren’t fitting the same. Buttoned shirts now felt tight around the tummy, pants felt a bit snug in the waist. 

It happened overnight, really. You’d heard about the pop--when your belly finally protrudes outward and when you actually start to look pregnant, not just bloated. You didn’t know when it would come, but you certainly weren’t prepared for it to already be here.

Lexi was already gone, otherwise you’d storm into her room and make her promise you didn’t look funny. You weren’t about to FaceTime Glenne--only in fear that Jeff would be around and think you were being ridiculous. You also figured keeping your distance from him wasn’t a bad idea. 

So you settled on a dress, a casual one, and you didn’t even realize that someone might notice until you walked into work. 

Aarav didn’t even seem to look at you twice--he was too busy in his office dealing with a last minute request from Levi. Simone was busy too, and when you met up with them for lunch, you kept your tray and plate in front of you, praying and hoping that they wouldn’t notice the way you looked a bit more round. 

A text came across your phone when Aarav went on about Carson. 

Harry (12:43pm): Twelve week mark! See you at 5pm?

It was almost a relief to walk into the Westwood office building at the end of the day. It was a comfort, really, to be in a room full of people who knew your biggest secret. Harry met you in the lobby, a smile on his face when you offered a hug. 

“Look at me,” you said quietly, a few people passed by on their way out of work. “I look pregnant.”

He looked down, his brows furrowed together and his lips pushed out. He scanned your figure, a wave of relief washed over you when he spoke. “Wouldn’t have noticed if you didn’t say anything--but, you do, a bit. You look good.”

“I feel weird,” you said, following him over to the same elevators as you tried to ignore the compliment. “I used to just look bloated, but now it’s like--real.”

Once the doors shut and afforded you both some privacy, he turned to face you. 

“You look beautiful,” he said, voice quiet as the elevator whirred. “Can I--can I feel it?”

“Oh,” you looked down, a hand immediately on your own belly. You’d been doing it plenty, a force of habit, now, really. You found yourself doing it in meetings, on the phone, one hand on the steering wheel and another on the bump. “Yeah, of course you can--here,” you reached for his hand, guiding it towards you, warmth when he made contact. 

It felt a little silly. It was still just your stomach--somewhere deeper in there was a baby the size of a lime. He kept his eyes on the blue fabric of your dress, both of your hands over his until the doors opened. 

Jeff, on the other side, was caught off guard. “Hi--hey, I was just coming to find you.”

“Hi,” you said, a step back from Harry as if there was some sort of rule about proximity. 

He offered an awkward smile, motioned for you to both follow him down the same long hall, past the same rooms and chairs and windows. Harry let out a giggle under his breath, smirked in your direction, another wave of butterflies.

It was the first time you’d seen any of them since the test results, you swore Dave seemed to soften when you sat across from him, this time, Harry was beside you. 

“So,” Dave spoke, a quick glance around the room. “Good to see everyone.”

“Yeah, thanks for coming,” Jeff said, settling into his seat before he reached for a water bottle. “Lola--you’re good to start us off?”

“Yeah,” she smiled, short red hair brushed the tops of her shoulders. She smiled in your direction, much less hesitant than times before. “We’re really here today to start thinking about how we want to share this news. It’s obviously not going to stay a secret forever, so we’re wondering about different options to get in front of it--while still maintaining everyone’s safety and privacy.”

You nodded, a sideways glance in Harry’s direction.

“We have a few options, Harry, about how to do that,” Jeff explained. “We could choose an outlet to inform and let them break it. Or, we could talk about a social media post, a statement from Lola…”

He turned to look at you, caution in his eyes when you offered a small smile. Nothing felt ideal--nothing they said sounded like a good option or like it wouldn’t bring trouble. 

Up until now, really, it had just been the two of you. That was, if you didn’t count the four other people in the room, Lexi, Glenne, your mother, and his family. So, the twelve of you, really. 

Things until now were quiet and private, a small buzz that was stressful enough. You couldn’t even imagine the news spreading, questions, accusations, the ways all of the aforementioned would keep you up at night. 

Harry looked around the room. “Uh--a statement is probably best, yeah?”

“I would think so--your fans will want to hear from you though, too,” Jeff nodded.

Lola smiled, softly, in your direction. “What do you think, Y/N?”

You were shocked, really. Stammered a few things before wishing you could disappear, totally not equipped to respond to that type of question. “Uh, yeah--the statement--I don’t know, whatever you think,” you looked towards Harry, a sudden feeling in your gut that out of everyone in the room, you could trust him the most. 

“We should wait until you’re father along,” Jeff said. “Probably closer to the sixth month mark?”

You nodded--that was something you could get behind. It also gave you some more time to figure out who needed to know before then. As contractual as this had become, there were still some people in your life who’d benefit from finding out that you were pregnant with a celebrity’s baby from you, rather than on TV or online.

Lola went on to say something else, but you were too busy making a list in your brain of who that entailed. 

Levi, Simone, Aarav. Your two aunts in Oregon. Your college roommate, Brie, maybe even your father--if you could track him down. You could feel your heartbeat in your chest, more people to disappoint, more people to make the admission to: I fucked up. I didn’t check all the boxes in the right order.

“Does that sound alright?” Harry turned to get a better look at you, his eyes searched your face.

“What?”

“September,” Lola said. “Make the statement in September.”

“Sure,” you nodded. Two months away. That felt like an eternity. 

“How are you feeling about it?” Her question was directed at you, but it took you a second to realize that. Harry watched you, his eyebrows lifted as he waited for a response. 

“About having a baby?”

“About coming out with it,” Jeff said. 

You shifted in your office chair, hands clasped on your lap. “I don’t really know what to expect, to be fair.”

Jeff looked at Harry, then at Lola. 

Harry cleared his throat and rested his elbows on the table, he spoke directly to you. “I think there’ll be some people who are really upset and some who are really happy.”

“You should make your social media private,” Lola said. “That’s the majority of what comes up when I ran a google search of your name. A few things about your work if you dig really deep.”

“Which they will,” Harry said. 

“Okay,” you nodded. “Should I be, like, worried about my safety?

“No,” Jeff said. “Definitely not. If there’s anything that makes you uncomfortable we’ll assess and just get a security detail.”

Harry made a face at that, one you couldn’t read. He sat back in his chair and listened to Lola say more about the announcement and how important it was for him to set the tone once the news was out. 

You were almost as zoned out as he was, but you heard mention of make them believe you’re excited, and that’s when you decided you’d had enough. So you stared out the window, nodded every few seconds to make them think you were listening and invested and following along so you could follow the rules. 

Sure, maybe accidentally getting pregnant wasn’t the most exciting thing in the world, but Lola’s insinuation that neither of you were excited felt like a dig. Out of everyone in the room, you were the one who had to deal with the most shit. Not only did you get a baby out of one drunken night, but you also got the body changes, the hormones, and the new relationship with someone who was too famous for his own good. 

But aside from all of that--all the shit that made this stressful and terrifying and overwhelming altogether--there was still a piece of you that was excited. And it was easier to feel that later that night when you sat in the same In N’ Out parking lot as before. 

“You don’t, like, regret deciding to keep it, right?”

Your question caught him off guard. He was mid-bite and let out a bit of a cough, wiping his mouth with the backside of his hand before he looked over at you. 

“No--do you?”

“No. I don’t know. Lola said we have to act excited. As if we aren’t at all or something.”

“I know,” he said, voice quieter. “That was pretty shitty, but I don’t think she meant anything by it.”

You nodded, hoping he was right. 

“I am excited, to be clear.”

“Me too,” a nod. “I’m getting more excited. Next time we see Dr. Weston we might be able to know the sex.”

He smirked. “We already know the sex, Y/N.”

“Where’s your premonition coming from?” You laughed. “What makes you so sure?”

He laughed, a sip from his water bottle. “I think you’re going to be a really good mom no matter what. But I think you’d be especially good with a little girl.”

“You’re going to sound like such an asshole if we have a boy.”

“If we have a boy it’ll be great! He can like sports and princesses, too.”

You took another bite of your dinner, a silent prayer that this pregnancy wouldn’t turn against you and make you hate the smell of In N’ Out. “I think you’ll be a good dad, too.”

And then he did it again. He looked out the window and seemed to be somewhere else. Maybe somewhere not as congested as LA, easier and quieter and somewhere were you didn’t exist and the plum sized baby didn’t either. 

You stuck a french fry in your mouth and chewed--thankful for the fact that the silence didn’t feel uncomfortable. 

“Would you--” he turned to see you suddenly, a sigh escaping his lips. “Hear me out, okay?”

You nodded.

“Would you think I was totally, absolutely mental if I asked you to move in with me?”

Your eyes must have gone wide, maybe the color even drained from your face, because before you could answer, he rolled his eyes and looked back out the window. “I know--okay, s’fine.”

“No--I just, that’s not what I expected. At all.”

He took another breath, his words came out quick this time as if he was nervous. “I know it’s crazy, but, Jeff got me freaked out today. When he talked about getting you a security detail I thought about your apartment and I know it’s in a house and it’s a nice neighborhood but--”

You didn’t say anything. You watched as he pushed his lips to one side and then the other. 

“I could never live with myself if anything happened to you.” A pause. “Or her.”

You rolled your eyes at that, a small laugh immediately granted levity to the front seat of his car. Dimples appeared on his cheeks when he saw the smile on your face.

“I hear you, but--I’ll be fine.”

He started speaking before you even finished. “Think of it this way, too. When she’s here, we’ll want to be together, right? I mean--don’t you think you’ll want more space than what you’ve got with Lexi? Don’t you think she’ll get sick of dirty nappies and all the crying in the middle of the night? If we live together I can help more and we can go through it together.”

You thought on that for a second. There was no doubt in your mind that Lexi would eventually lose her shit and need a good amount of space from the new roommate you were both about to have. You ignored the thumping in your chest at the thought of it. You, Harry, a tiny baby in that stupid onesie he bought. It sounded perfect.

“Think about it, yeah? I’ve got plenty of room.”

You nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

**

Dave had given you the go ahead to tell your coworkers. It took three phone calls with Jeff and him and Harry, but he eventually relented. When you ended up telling him that he didn’t have to go to work trying not to puke every morning waiting for your coworkers to notice the growing bump, he gave in. 

You were relieved, that is, until Levi called a team meeting, the five of you sat around a conference table on the third floor--also known as the floor with the balance ball chairs. You had no idea how much your back had been bothered by your regular office chair until you settled in to your seat. 

“So,” Levi looked around at the four of you. “Obviously my leaving is bittersweet, I know we’ve all been working hard lately to make the transition as smooth as possible. But we obviously haven’t handled one aspect of that, which is, the new Team Lead.”

You kept a straight face, glanced over to Aarav who suddenly couldn’t take his eyes off of you. You’d been planning on telling them that afternoon, at least Aarav and Simone. Maybe you’d wait until Levi left to fill him in, maybe you’d wait until you left for maternity leave to tell Carson. 

But would Levi still choose you to fill his role if he knew you were pregnant? Bound to take a decent maternity leave right after the holidays? Right when things amped up in the New Year?

“Y/N--you’ve obviously been a huge part of our success this last year, and I spoke with Mike and Tracy about having you fill the role, if you’re interested.”

“Yes--of course I’m interested,” you smiled. “I would love to.”

“Awesome--you’re obviously all in good hands,” he said to the others, a smile in your direction again. “You and I can meet with the rest of the Marketing c-suite--it’ll be painless, I’m sure.”

Now was definitely not a good time to tell them, but, your body decided it was the perfect time for an all encompassing wave of nausea. 

“Okay--yeah, sounds good.” You tried to wrap things up, looked over at Simone, hopeful she’d follow your lead. 

“When’s your last day, again?” Carson closed his laptop, if you weren’t doing your best to keep your lunch down, you’d be more surprised that he wasn’t as bitter as you’d expected him to be.

“August 5th.” 

You stood from the table, beads of sweat on your forehead. Aarav gave you a look, Simone was too busy on her phone. 

Levi started to gather his belongings. “We’ll get everything sorted out, too, about who’s going to take on some of Y/N’s responsibilities. Most things will stay the same, but, I think Mike wants to hire someone else to do some more of the graphic work, too.”

“I’m so sorry--” you said, embarrassed to rush out of a meeting like this. “I have to go--uh, make a phone call, really quick.

Again, Aarav looked at you like you’d started speaking another language. 

“Yeah, go ahead, no worries,” Levi looked suspicious too, but he turned back to Carson.

You bolted for the door, down the hall, no idea where the nearest bathroom was. Water fountain, lounge area, vending machine. Where the fuck was the bathroom?

You found it around the corner, barely making it into a stall before throwing up, desperately trying to pull your sticky hair away from your face when your knees met the floor.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Simone was behind you--the carpet of the hallway had apparently quieted her footsteps. You reached for toilet paper and wiped your mouth, thankful that no one else had witnessed your close call. The only thing worse than throwing up at work was throwing up on the floor at work.

You flushed, stood back up and offered a smile. “Yeah--sorry--bad lunch, I guess.”

“Are you pregnant?”

“What?” You laughed, waving a hand before wiping at your mouth again. “No--that’s crazy!”

She raised an eyebrow at you.

A sigh. “Fine,” you said. “I am. But--you can’t tell them yet, okay?”

Her lips threatened to curl upwards, but she caught herself. “Are you--was it on purpose?”

“No,” a wave of embarrassment replaced the nausea in your stomach. “It was completely unplanned.”

“Who’s the father?”

Dave had been clear on the phone. If you have to tell them, we’ll prepare NDAs for them to sign. 

“You don’t know him.”

Maybe she did. 

“Is it that guy you’ve been seeing?”

“Yeah--we’re just friends.”

“Who have sex?”

“Just once.”

“Holy shit!”

“I know--I wanted to tell you!”

She pouted, an understanding look on her face. “That’s why you won’t have margaritas with us.”

“Busted.”

“How are you doing with it? Does your mom know?”

You thought on that for a second--it had been a while since someone asked. Harry was inquiring quite frequently, but you were also at the point now where you gave him a daily update about any symptoms. Jeff and Glenne and Lexi would check in, too, of course, but Simone was asking you on a deeper level. 

She was asking if you were losing your shit altogether and having recurring panic attacks when you’d try to fall asleep. 

“I’m okay,” you said, a confident nod. “I was freaked at first, and I am, still, a little--but, it’s been going okay.”

“Are you going to tell Aarav?”

“Yeah, yeah--I was gonna let both of you know today, but then Levi dropped that shit.”

“How dare he promote you,” she teased, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Well I couldn’t exactly follow that up with thanks so much, I’ll need three months maternity leave in January.”

“A January baby!” She threw her arms around you. “How far are you?”

“Thirteen weeks.”

She let go, looked you up and down. “You’ll be fine, you can totally handle this. Is the father supportive so far?”

You nodded, ignoring the tiny shred of fear that tried to squeeze it’s way up into your brain. “So far, yeah.”

But how long would that last? How long would Harry be interested in having dinner and hanging out? When would he get sick of you and when would he realize that he didn’t have to do this?

He had more options than either of you had mentioned. Harry was acting like his only option was to be completely, totally, one hundred percent involved, or the exact opposite. 

But you felt like the more realistic option was somewhere in the middle, right? He’d visit and have the baby for weekends, go off on tour and you’d FaceTime him every so often to make sure they didn’t lose touch. You’d be the one to handle the skinned knees and all of the tears, but he’d be the fun dad that would swoop in and get to take them for ice cream or out to dinner. 

He’d send a check, eventually. After things died down and he realized that it didn’t make sense for you to live together or be more than co-parents or anything like that. He’d help financially and you’d have to get a nanny if you were going to keep your job--which, as a single mom, you’d have to.

Simone brought you back to your office, smiling excitedly when you told Aarav the news, making them both promise to keep it quiet for now. You didn’t tell them who, you didn’t disclose the name of the guy who had suddenly lodged himself in a strange space in your heart and your head. Because if you did, you’d have to tell them you were also afraid he’d leave. And speaking that out loud was too much to handle.

**

Harry was a regular at Dr. Weston’s office, so much so that you found it a bit embarrassing how he knew the nurses by name and proclaimed proudly in the waiting room that he’d read every pamphlet they had. 

For someone who has to keep this pregnancy low-key, shouting excitedly in the waiting room is the opposite of that, you told him.

So he followed you back into the exam room yet again, but this time with a pout on his face after the nurse left you alone. 

“What’s your problem?”

He held a hand over his eyes to offer you privacy when you changed, the gown in his outstretched hand. “You don’t even care that I’m extremely well read.”

“One of those was a pamphlet about gestational diabetes--which I don’t even have.” You took the gown and stepped into it, tying it in the back before climbing up on the table. 

He took his hands away without even asking if you were clothed, rolling his eyes and making a face. “I’m just trying to care, okay? However will you forgive me?” 

You fought back the laugh that tried to crawl up from your belly. “I appreciate your caring. And your reading.”

“Good,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest as he sat back in his seat. “You should. Where do you want to go to dinner tonight?”

You thought on it for a second. “Know any good barbeque places? Some ribs sound so good.”

His eyebrows lifted, he watched you for a second. 

“What?” You asked, a sudden nervousness in your chest. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

He broke eye contact for a second, let out a tiny laugh and then looked back up at you, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Just didn’t know it’d be that easy to get you to hang out with me.”

“Oh shut up,” you said with a laugh, adjusting on top of the sanitary paper. “I’m hungry. It’s almost dinnertime anyway.”

“The only bad news is that I don’t know a good barbeque place.”

“That is bad news,” you said. “There’s one near my house. We can just go there. Or--get take out,” you corrected. 

Okay, so maybe it bothered you a little bit. At this point, feeling like you were a secret and the baby inside of you was a secret was a recipe for feeling like a big, old, shameful one night stand that he probably regretted. But you weren’t about to tell him that. 

“Is Lexi home tonight?”

You nodded.

“We could invite Glenne and Jeff, too, if you want. Or it could be just us, that’s fine.”

You didn’t have a chance to answer, though you wanted to say either would be fine. Dr. Weston knocked and offered a smile, how are both parents feeling? 

She asked the same questions: new symptoms? Any bleeding? Mood? Appetite? Headaches? You answered and nodded along, listening to the advice she gave about any lower back soreness as you started to really gain some weight. 

When she had the ultrasound machine on and when you had laid back and assumed the position, Harry pulled his chair up to be right next to you.

“Definitely growing in there,” Dr. Weston smiled, reaching up to point at the screen. 

“Wow--she actually looks like a baby now.”

“Yeah,” Dr. Weston laughed a bit. “Less of a plum and more a baby.” But she turned, after that, her eyebrows furrowing at the screen before she looked at Harry again. “How did you know it’s a girl?”

“It’s a girl?” you asked, lifting yourself on your elbows to look at the screen closer. “How do you know?”

She turned the screen to show you better, moved the probe along your lower tummy. “Well--if she weren’t, we’d see something right there between her legs.”

“So I’m right?” He looked at you with wide eyes, a smug look of excitement on his face. “We’re having a girl?”

“You are,” Dr. Weston nodded. “I hope it’s okay that you know now.”

Harry clapped his hands together and stood from his seat. “I knew it, Y/N. I totally called it.”

“It’s fine that we know, we wanted to,” you assured her. Harry had already grabbed his phone, likely bragging to Jeff and Glenne that he’d been right. “Now I just have to deal with this know it all, now.”

“Well congratulations,” she removed the probe and clicked a few things on the screen. “Fourteen weeks and everything looks great.”

You smiled, sat up and looked over at Harry, he looked up from his phone and smiled at you. “S’a girl.”

“I know,” you nodded, voice quiet. 

Dr. Weston ducked out of the room quietly, saying she’d see you soon before shutting the door to offer privacy.

“Did you already tell everyone we know?”

“No,” he laughed, letting his phone call into his pocket. “Just my mum and sister.”

You hopped down from the table and he handed you your clothes. 

“Are you happy it’s a girl?”

“I’m happy she’s healthy, and that I’m healthy,” you laughed. “But yes--a girl will be fun.”

“We’d make anything fun,” he said, stepping forward to wrap his arms around your shoulders, the fabric of the gown was scratchy on your skin. You looked up at him, and for a second, you wondered how it would feel to kiss him.

**

Jeff’s mouth was wide open, he was still, a look of shock on his face as Glenne let out a laugh loud enough that the neighbor’s might complain.

“Don’t,” Harry groaned, his eyes pleading with you to not embarrass him any further. 

“They were expired?!” Lexi’s eyes were wide, she looked between the two of you from her spot on the floor, take out on her lap. “That’s fucked man.”

“I didn’t know they were, obviously!” He defended.

Glenne shrugged her shoulders. “Just getting laid that infrequently.” 

“Alright, s’not my primary residence.”

“So wait,” Jeff said. “When did you find this out?”

A drop in your stomach, the nervous kind like you’d said the wrong thing. 

“When she was over once for dinner. Gave her the grand tour and we obviously had to stop by the scene of the crime,” Harry borrowed the language you once used to describe his sprawling bedroom. 

“He can definitely cook but apparently he doesn’t read expiration dates,” you laughed.

“So it’s all your fault,” Lexi laughed, reaching for another drink. “Bet that was tough news.”

Your eyes flashed over to Jeff, curious to see his reaction. In a way, Lexi wasn’t wrong. Sure--you’d fed Harry the response that it’s no one’s fault, and yeah, okay, you could live with that being the agreement everyone settled on. 

But it was also nice to know that it wasn’t anything you did. 

Harry rolled his eyes and pushed himself up off the couch when his phone rang. “One day you’re all going to feel terrible for saying that when you’re in love with our baby. It’s John--I’ll take it outside.”

Jeff followed behind him when Harry signaled for him to, the back door to the patio and small yard slid shut behind them.

“How ya been doin’ lately?” Glenne asked, leaning forward to grab the glass of wine she’d been nursing. 

“Fine,” you said. 

“Yeah?” She eyed you skeptically, Lexi dunked her fork into her green curry. 

“I’m handling the stress and constant anxiety as best as I can,” you admitted.

Glenne pouted. “What are you anxious about?” 

You let out a sigh, hesitant to say anything that would make her feel in the middle. “I just feel like Jeff thinks I fucked everything up or did this on purpose.”

Lexi sipped at her glass of wine. “What makes you think that?”

“I dunno--every time we’re all together I feel like he wants me to maintain a six foot distance or something.”

“He can’t tell you what to do or how to interact with him, Y/N,” Glenned tried to reassure you. “All he can do is give advice or give his input.”

“What if his input to Harry is that he shouldn’t ever talk to me or see me?”

“Bitch, you outrank him!” Lexi sat up straight and looked at you like you were losing your mind. “He’s his manager, he’s a friend. You are the mother of that man’s child. You are going to push his baby through your coochie!”

You let out a laugh, threw her a sideways glance. “I mean, I don’t know if outrank is fair.”

Glenne held up a hand, trying to get her two cents in before Lexi went off again. “He’s not mad--I don’t know why you think he’s mad.”

“Okay--fine, he’s not mad. But do you really want to try to convince me that I’m his favorite person on the planet right now?”

She rolled her eyes at that. “Y/N--he’s stressed. His client got his girlfriend’s friend knocked up. This is all going to explode into a thousand crazy headlines and he’s trying to keep it all somewhat contained. He loves you.”

You let out a long sigh at that, looked through the sliding door and watched as Harry gestured wildly, the phone sat on the small patio table between them. Jeff laughed at something he said and sipped at the beer that Harry was undoubtedly jealous of. 

Jeff had always thought you were funny. You knew that. When you got a good amount of tequila in you, you were no stranger to comedy or outrageous accents with Lexi and Glenne. Jeff would laugh his head off and there was even one time he made you drunkenly take obnoxious snapchat selfies with the stupid filters. It was probably the highlight of your relationship. 

So that night, after dinner was eaten and Netflix was watched, you tried to harness the courage that Lexi and Glenne had instilled in you. 

When Jeff came out of the bathroom, Glenne pulled herself up from a couch, a dramatic groan escaped her mouth when she smiled over at you and stretched. “Alright, my dear. Eat well, sleep well, take care of that sweet little muffin.”

“Okay,” you nodded. “So far, so good.”

Lexi had already retreated to her room, beauty sleep, y’all. Jeff waited as Glenne put her wine glass in the sink, hands on his hips. “Are you hitting the road too?”

His question was directed at Harry. He shifted on the couch. “Uh--might stay for a bit, if that’s alright?” 

Now he looked at you, and once again, you wondered if this sort of thing was allowed. An awkward look in Jeff’s direction, Glenne’s eyes were a bit wide, a smirk threatened to twist her lips into a full blown smile. 

“Yeah,” you said, looking around at all of them. “S’fine.”

You were all for following the rules and doing what you needed to do to protect everyone. But something about watching another episode of The Office on Netflix with the father of your child felt pretty safe. And maybe Glenne was right. Maybe you did outrank him. And if you didn’t, maybe one day you would. 

“Alright, well, we’ll see you both at some point in the next week, I’m sure.”

“Are we on for Saturday night still? With Tom?”

“Yeah,” Jeff said, watching as Glenne grabbed her purse from the counter. “I’ll text you.”

They said their goodbyes and headed out the front door, when it clicked into place you looked over at Harry. 

“Would you actually tell me if Jeff hated me?”

“Why would he hate you?”

“Because you got me pregnant.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” he shook his head, a smile tugged at his lips. “S’my fault, remember?”

“He might not see it that way.”

He rolled his eyes at you. “I just know.”

“How do you know?”

“Trust me, I would know if he hated you. He’s a terrible liar. He’d never be able to hang out with you if he didn’t like you.”

You were quiet, looked back down at the remote in your hands and picked at the skin around your thumb. 

He turned himself towards you on the couch, his voice quiet in the living room. “Why are you nervous about that?”

You shrugged, trying to fight back a smile. “I’m still trying to get over the whole fear about ruining your life.”

He rolled his eyes at that, a laugh escaping his lips when his arm reached up to the back of the couch. “You’re ridiculous! I can tell you a thousand times and you won’t believe me.”

“Probably not.”

“You didn’t ruin my life.”

“Okay.” You stood from the couch and moved towards the kitchen, bringing the glass that Lexi had left behind over to the dishwasher. 

He followed behind, watched with narrowed eyes as you tried to tidy. “I mean it,” he laughed. 

You turned around, hands on the counter as you looked at him. It was late, the light in Lexi’s room was off, you hoped she didn’t have her ear pressed up against the door. Mostly because you didn’t want her to hear what you said next. 

“I just don’t want you to leave.”

He took a step forward, brows furrowed. “Tonight?”

“No--like, in general.”

His lips parted at that, a pause before he sighed, another step forward. 

“Sorry,” you said quickly. “I didn’t mean to be weird. I’m just--scared sometimes.”

“I know,” he was close now, his chest almost pressed against yours. His fingers reached up and tugged at the hem of your shirt, “I’m not going anywhere.”

You nodded, stared down at the floor now as if looking up in his eyes would somehow make it more risky. As if ignoring the fear and the doubt and everything that bubbled inside of you when you tried to get your mind off of it would keep you safe, keep her safe. 

His hand nudged at your chin, lifted it up so you had to look at him. Something in his eyes felt promising--or maybe it was the way you felt his lips curl into a smile once they were pressed against yours.

table of contents | talk to me + join the tag list

**author’s note: **FINALLY!!!!! No but really, thank god. It’s been tough to wait to share that with you. Things are finally heating up in here! You know I’m a fucking sucker for a slow burn.

tag list: @stepping-into-the-light @thurhomish @afterstylesmadeit @iconicharry @stylesfics-xx @harryspirate @mellamolayla @harryinsweatersandbandanas @stylesfantasy @clorenafila @mell-love @anssu-amry @yelllowgrass @littlesoldierelleora @styles217 @rachkon @c-h-e-r-r-y-y @myhat  @rosegoldbel @passionate-dreamerr @grammyforstyles @haute-romance-quotidienne @dontgiveupthedayjob @ursamajor603 @craic-head-horan @heavenspidey @talk-british-2-me-britbritharry @blackxxmagicc @winter-soldier-007 @ssllbb @wanderlustiing @jdcharliewhiskey  @caritocp @kaybee87 @wildbeee @hsunflowervol @harrys-medicines @tobe-sogolden @theresnooneheretosave @1d-tommo5 @soullikestyles @mrsfstyles  @you-youneverdo @fstopsteph @cock-a-doodely-doo @hinaesthethicc @s-u-t @mleestiles @rubytersteege @heartsandwheels @rainbowparadiseharry @ainatirb-j @sing-me-a-song-harry @g0bl1nqueen @mmithharold @harrymfingstyless @yourpolaroid07 @zarrysfineline @cronias13

[maybeimamuppet]

dance with you

“Jan, calm down, you’ll think of something,” Damian comforts, patting her back gently as Janis lies face-down on her bed and lets out a groan.

“Damian, prom is in a month! And it has to be perfect, it’s our senior year,” Janis huffs into her pillow.

“You’ll think of something perfect. You could... fill her locker with ping pong balls that say ‘prom’ and then when she opens it and they all fall out say ‘I finally got the balls to ask you to prom’?” Damian suggests.

Janis chuckles at that, finally poking her head out. “Is that how Elijah asked you?”

“Maybe,” Damian mumbles. “I thought it would at least make you smile.”

“You got me, then,” Janis says. “Ugh, why is this so hard? I had an easier time with the ACT.”

“Feelings.”

“Gross. I don’t want ‘em anymore,” Janis sighs.

“Just think of stuff she’s into. Like animals or math. You can borrow Pippa if you need to.” Damian says as Janis leans against his shoulder.

“Animals... math... I can probably work with that,” Janis says, a hint of a plan forming in her mind.

“There‘s my Janjan. You go Janjan. Ask the girl you’re already dating to prom,” Damian teases.

“Shut up! You know Caddy loves those tacky promposal things you see on YouTube, I gotta do something dorky,” Janis says. Cady really does love them, she gets so excited every time someone at school gets promposed to, the tackier the better.

“And you’ll think of something perfectly sappy and gross. I have faith.”

“Thanks, D.”

————-

On Monday, Janis uses her study hall period to hunt down Kevin G. Cady is in English on the other side of the building, so unless she goes really out of her way to go to the bathroom there’s no chance of her finding out what Janis is up to.

She finds Kevin in the library, reading what appears to be a math textbook cover to cover. Janis puts on some fake confidence and marches her way up to his table, sliding into the chair across from him.

“Yo, Sarkisian, how ya been?” Kevin asks, closing the book and looking up at her.

“Um... fine. Listen, can you help me with something?” Janis says hastily.

“Depends,” Kevin responds. “What do you need and what do I get out of it?”

“I’m trying to think of a way to ask Caddy to prom, is there any sort of, like, equation or something that would spell out prom if she solved it or something? Something math related I could do?” Janis pleads. She had decided getting animals involved was a little more risky than she was willing to try.

“Oh. Uh, I don’t... actually know about that. I can check with Norbury and get back to you?” Kevin says.

“Sure. Just, would you be able to do it soon? Like, sometime this week? I wanna give her time to get everything prepared, and prom is less than a month away.”

“Sure thing, Sarks. Don’t stress, Africa never shuts up about you. She’ll say yes.”

“Thanks, Kevin. I really appreciate it.” Janis says, relieved.

“Anything for Heron. We’d be a fuckin’ wreck without her.”

—————

On Wednesday, Janis is sitting in art when none other than Kevin comes barreling through the door, making a beeline for her.

“Yo, Picasso, Norbury and I have somethin’ for ya,” He calls.

“Really?” Janis asks, tucking her paintbrush behind her ear.

“Yeah. Um, Norbury got really excited when I told her you were trying to think of a good way to ask Africa and did a lot of research. They have a strange relationship. Anyway. She found this dope series of equations that spells ‘prom’ once it’s graphed. Norbury said you can ask her during Mathletes practice on Friday using it, if you’re into that.” Kevin says.

“Oh, that’s perfect. I’ll talk to Ms. Norbury, I have a free next. Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Janis says. “I owe you big time.”

“You wanna design a new logo for my DJ business?” He asks with a slightly creepy wink.

“Sure. Uh, how long do I have?” Janis asks, pulling out her sketchbook to get going.

“As long as you need, I... um. Don’t get many gigs. Also, don’t fuck it up with Heron, please.” Kevin begs.

“I’ll do my best,” Janis says, determined not to.

-

Janis heads to Ms. Norbury’s classroom next, knocking on the doorframe. This is her plan period, so there’s nobody else there.

“Oh, Janis, hello. Kevin told me you might come by,” She says once she looks up.

“Um, yeah. He said you found something I could use to ask Cady to prom?” Janis says nervously. Ms. Norbury is one of the sweetest teachers at their school, but Janis always gets anxious when she talks to adults.

“I do indeed,” Ms. Norbury says, pulling out a sheet of very complicated looking numbers and letters. “This looks like this, once it’s been graphed.” She flips the page over to reveal a graph with what looks like ‘prom ?’ in cursive.

“This is perfect. Can Caddy really solve this kind of stuff?” Janis asks, looking at the equations again.

“She can,” Ms. Norbury confirms. “She’s my MVP, so to speak. If you’d like, we have practice this Friday after school, we can squeeze this in at the end.”

“That would be great,” Janis breathes with relief.

They decide that Janis would drop by on Friday morning to drop off a few supplies, and then show up before Cady in the afternoon. She would hide in the classroom storage closet until Cady solved her graph, and then pop out with prom balloons and some flowers.

It’s just tacky enough for Cady to love, and not quite tacky enough for Janis to hate. It’s perfect.

———

Friday rolls around quicker than Janis is quite ready for. She wakes up two hours early to head to the party store and get the balloons, and then to the convenience store next door to grab a bouquet of pink roses, one of Cady’s favorite flowers.

Ms. Norbury looks rather startled when she comes barreling into the room in a frenzy, but shoots her a wink as she stuffs everything into the closet and dashes back out the door to meet Cady like normal.

She’s just barely gotten her breath back under control when Cady comes bouncing through the doors, auburn curls in a ponytail today. As always, she looks for Janis by her locker, smiling as she spies her and comes up for a hug.

“Hi, Jayjay,” She says, wrapping Janis up tightly.

“Hi Peanut,” Janis says back, kissing her forehead. “Did you take your medicines today?”

“Mmhmm! Did you take yours?” Cady answers. Cady almost always remembers, Janis almost always forgets.

“No,” Janis answers, looking around as she pulls the bottle from her backpack as if she’s committing a felony. She’s not, but they’re technically not allowed to carry their own medications. “Did you have breakfast?”

“No,” Cady mumbles. She struggles sometimes to recognize physical sensations, occasionally forgoing a meal or forgetting to stay hydrated, especially if she’s sucked into an activity or a routine.

“Eat one of your Kälteens, then,” Janis says once her pills are down and the bottle hidden away in her bag again. Cady does, offering one to her too. “Thanks, babe.”

“Are you okay, mpenzi? You look nervous,” Cady says worriedly. Shit.

“Yeah I’m fine, everything’s fine! All good,” Janis says rapidly, shoving a large bite of her bar into her mouth and grinning at her like a chipmunk.

“Okay...” Cady says, clearly not believing her even slightly but also recognizing it’s not something Janis wants to talk about.

The warning bell rings then, Cady pouting as she hugs Janis goodbye. “Bye, Butterfly. Have a good day,” Janis says, pecking her lips gently.

“Bye, Bluejay. I love you,” Cady says, blowing her another kiss as she walks away.

“I love you too!” Janis calls after her. And that makes this afternoon much easier, she thinks to herself.

-

Janis is almost relieved when school finally ends, the nerves having been building inside her as the day went on. Luckily Janis has study hall in the science wing directly above the math wing, allowing her to rush down and get to Ms. Norbury’s room before anyone else. Cady has English on the other side of the building, so she’s commonly the last one to arrive at practice.

She opens the cupboard where she’ll be spending the next hour or so, luckily spotting an outlet so she can charge her phone to keep herself busy. Ms. Norbury agreed to film for her, so she has that covered. She makes sure no light shines out and sits on the ground, peeking under the doorframe as Cady enters, calling a hello to everyone else.

They all mill around and chat for a while before Ms. Norbury enters again with their practice problems for the day. Sometimes they practice competition style and other days they just make sure their problem solving skills are still up to snuff. Today is the latter. Cady greets Ms. Norbury as well, asking about her day and complimenting her blouse.

The boys all sit down first, having been informed of the plan, leaving Cady the seat with the best view of the cabinet Janis is in so she’ll be able to see the reveal right away.

Janis watches her work for a while, having to hold on a chuckle as Cady’s brows furrow in concentration and she taps away furiously on her calculator. She’s so cute. She finishes first, taking the time to double check her work before going to Ms. Norbury for the answer key.

“You finished, Cady?” Ms. Norbury asks, taking her worksheet to check over it.

“Yeah, I’m not sure about number eight though,” Cady says, rubbing her sleeve against her lips nervously.

“You got it correct, Cady. We’ve talked about this. Confidence,” their teacher chides gently. “I have some bonus things for you to work on now, we need to work on graphing practice more. Here you go.”

Janis perks up at that, standing quietly and grabbing hold of her balloons and flowers. There’s just a big enough gap between the door and its frame that she can still peek and see what Cady’s up to.

Cady taps away on her calculator again, plotting all the points down with her pencil carefully. Her brow gets progressively lower with her confusion as she goes, starting to realize something might be up here.

Her head snaps up when she finishes connecting all the points and sees what it spells, Janis taking that as her cue to step out of the closet. That’s a hell of a metaphor, she thinks, bracing herself for Cady’s reaction.

Cady gives an excited gasp when she sees her, scrambling out of her chair and rushing to leap into her arms. Janis drops the balloons and flowers to catch her, glad she had the foresight to go for a balloon weight. “Cady Heron, will you go to prom with me?”

“Of course I will, goofy,” Cady says, sounding a little choked up. “This was perfect.”

“Good,” Janis says, setting her down gently and pressing their lips together. She forgets they’re not alone until the other Mathletes start whistling and cheering, and Ms. Norbury gives an audible coo. They both break apart, blushing violently. “I love you.”

“I love you too. How long were you in there?” Cady asks, pointing to the cupboard as she bends over to pick up the abandoned roses.

“I dunno. About ten minutes before you got here, I think. I wasn’t paying attention to the time.”

“You hid in a closet for an hour just to ask me to prom?” Cady asks, hugging her tightly again.

“Apparently I did, yes.”

“You’re such a dork, I love you. I’m so excited! We get to match this year,” Cady squeals, bouncing up and down.

“Treat that one right, Africa! She’s committed,” Kevin hollers from behind them.

“Oh, I absolutely will,” Cady purrs, leaning in for another sweet kiss.

————-

Damian insists on taking them both shopping, individually of course, so as not to ruin the reveal. Cady gets to go first, since she didn’t get to pick an outfit for Spring Fling last year. Cady would decide the color scheme, and Damian would pass that information to Janis when it was her turn.

“This is fun!” Cady cheers, lugging him around the mall happily.

“We haven’t even gotten to the store yet, Cads,” Damian says, huffing slightly. For how small she is, Cady moves very quickly. He can’t tell if it’s the autism, the bisexuality, or some leftover instinct from Kenya, but he’s exhausted.

“I know, but I like hanging out with you! You’re fun,” Cady says as she swings their arms back and forth happily.

“Aww. You’re fun too, Cads.” Damian responds, touched. “So, do you have any ideas of what kind of dress you want? Wait, do you even want a dress?”

“I want a dress, yes,” Cady giggles. “I think a suit could be fun, but I didn’t get to wear a dress last year. I think I want a long one? But I don’t like when they have long sleeves, they’re usually lace and it’s too itchy.” She looks at him questioningly, as if asking his approval for her opinions.

“Okay, we can work with that,” Damian says as they enter.

“Whoa,” Cady blurts, immediately slightly overwhelmed by all the colors and big poofy skirts.

“Yeah, it’s a lot,” Damian chuckles. “Do you wanna split up and look or stick together?”

“Stick together,” Cady says hastily, pressing closer. “I trust your fashion sense more than my own anyway.”

Damian thinks that’s probably a fair assessment. “Okay, I think your sizes are over here.” He starts flicking through a rack, and she roots through the one next to it. They have to be a bit more particular due to Cady’s sensitivity to certain fabrics, but they get several good options.

“Oh, this is great,” Cady says as Damian hands her a gown. “My cousin had some Broadway star take her shopping for her prom last year and it didn’t go very well. Turns out a future Broadway star is much better.”

“Wait, your cousin had a Broadway actor take her prom shopping? How did she swing that?” Damian asks.

“Oh, her school turned their prom into some big civil rights thing, they wouldn’t let her go since she’s a lesbian and wanted to take her girlfriend. They came down from New York to bring attention to it and stuff, I think. Her name is Emma.” Cady says, grabbing another dress from the rack.

“Emma? Wait, does she live in Indiana?” Damian asks, excitement building.

“Yeah, why?”

“Emma Nolan is your cousin?! Janis and I each watched her video, like, fifty times. We donated to her campaign thing for the inclusive prom,” Damian says.

“Oh, really? That’s so sweet, I’ll tell her. She’d love to meet you guys. I’ve told her a lot about you,” Cady says, now weighed down by a mountain of heavy dresses.

“Oh my god, yes please, she’s such an icon. Anyway, give me these, I can’t even see your face anymore. Let’s go pick your dress!” And with that, the pile is transferred to Damian and they head towards the changing rooms.

The first dress she tries is an amethyst color, and mermaid style. She likes how it looks in the mirror, but it’s so tight around her legs that she almost falls flat on her face when she goes to show it off. Damian catches her and immediately turns her around to go try something else.

The second one is an emerald green, with a shorter skirt and long (but thankfully not itchy) sleeves. She’s more into the length than she thought she would be, and the color suits her. Damian takes a photo so they can compare it to her other options.

The third dress is a beautiful yellow color, and has a sweetheart neckline and thin straps. It reminds her of her costume from Beauty and the Beast. She absolutely loves it, but it turns out to be way too large and her whole chest is pretty much exposed. Oh well.

Her fourth option is a periwinkle two-piece contraption with a very complicated top piece and a long poofy skirt. She likes the color and the way it fits, but the neckline makes her feel like she’s choking and the material of the skirt is very itchy. Damian claps when he sees her in it, though, so she decides to keep it as an option.

The fifth time turns out to be the charm. It’s a royal blue gown, the bodice tight and embroidered with a large flower pattern, and a skirt that flares out at her waist. The  short sleeves hang just off her shoulders, and it makes her feel like a princess. This might be the one.

Damian’s eyes go wide as he spies her coming from behind the curtain, gasping at the beauty of it. “This one this one this one,” he repeats excitedly, clapping his hands in between. “What do you think?”

“I really like it,” Cady says, turning to look at herself in another mirror. “The material is really nice. And the color is so pretty.”

“It makes your eyes pop. And it goes so well with your hair,” Damian says as he comes up behind her, laughing as she starts moving her hips to see how the skirt swishes.

“The swish is good,” Cady giggles. “Do you think Janis will like it?”

“She would love anything you feel good in, you know that,” Damian says. “But yes, I think we’ll be lucky if she doesn’t pass out when she sees you. You look gorgeous, Little Slice.”

“Thank you. Oh, wait, can you take a picture to show my mom? She wanted to come with us but she got stuck with a work thing,” Cady asks. “I think she said someone brought in a sick elephant and they had to decide what to do with it.”

“An eleph- okay, sure. Smile,” He responds, taking her phone and snapping a few photos. “There you go. Wanna go get some boba?”

“Ooh, yes!” Cady squeals.

————-

The week after is Janis’ turn, Damian taking her shopping along with both of their mothers and Juliana. It’s much easier  shopping for suits. There’s less variety, so they don’t have to decide from as many options.

Damian goes first, he and his date Elijah having decided on an emerald color scheme for their outfits. He tries on two options, a slate grey suit with a green button up underneath, and a fully green suit with a black button up.

He looks great in both, but Julie in her typical brutally honest fashion says he looks rather like a tree in the full green one. Janis’ mom whacks her on the back of the head and tells her to be polite, but Damian just laughs and agrees with her, going with the grey ensemble.

Janis’ turn. Damian tells her that Cady’s dress is a royal blue, and that’s all the detail she gets. She grins, trying to imagine what her girlfriend will look like on the night, wondering what style of dress she chose. Janis does love Cady in blue.

Their group wanders aimlessly for a minute until Janis finds a black pantsuit in her size, Damian grabbing a soft blue crew neck t-shirt as an option to go under it, as well as a white button down and cobalt skinny tie as an alternate.

She heads to the changing room, tugging the curtain closed and staring at her pieces for a second. She decides to try the more traditional button down and tie first, fumbling with it for a second before giving up and heading out, asking her mom to tie it for her.

Janis looks in the mirror once her mom loops it around her neck correctly, grinning at what she sees. She looks hot. The thin legs of the pants make her look even taller than she already is. They’re a little long, so she’ll have to get it tailored a bit, but the fit other than that is perfect. The dark blazer accentuates her shoulders, and the length of the sleeves makes her feel like a boss bitch.

She turns around to see what her little crew thinks, finding Julie already in Damian’s lap and wide grins on everyone’s faces.

“You look beautiful, hon. Very sophisticated,” Ms. Hubbard says, her own mom sneakily wiping a tear away and nodding in agreement.

“Go see what you look like with the t-shirt instead,” her sister demands. She does, heading back to change before pulling the blazer back on. She looks in the mirror again. The t-shirt is a little less formal, but she still looks very dapper.

“Which do you like better, baby girl?” Her mom asks. She has to think for a moment. The shirt allows her to match more with Cady, and is more comfortable. But if she wore a tie, Cady could use it to pull her into kisses, which she’s always wanted to do.

She decides they’ll be doing plenty of kissing anyway, and goes with what she feels more comfortable in. “I like this. I think once I have my accessories and makeup on and stuff it’ll still be fancy enough.”

“I think so too,” Damian says, removing her sister from his lap to stand. He heads to change back into his so their moms can take pictures of them together.

Janis’ phone pings right as she’s about to hand it over for a photo. She pulls it back to check, grinning a little when she sees a message from Cady.

Caddy Cakes: Hi lovey!!!! 🥰📷 Did you pick an outfit yet??

Jellybean: hi baby

Jellybean: i just picked my suit, no you can’t see it yet

Caddy Cakes: D:

Caddy Cakes: Just kidding, I know. I have a request

Jellybean: 🤨

Caddy Cakes: Can I see you in heels????? Pleeeeeeaase?? Just for prom night and then I’ll never make you wear them again 🥺🥺

Caddy Cakes: Sent a picture: Pwease?

Jellybean: you gotta stop doing the puppy eyes

Jellybean: fine. i’ll talk to damian

Caddy Cakes: Oh yay!!! Ok I’ll let you go now. I love you!!!!! Mwah!

Jellybean: i love you too baby 📷📷

She clicks her phone off and stares at it for a second, realizing what she’s just gotten herself into.

“What happened?” Damian asks, concerned something is seriously wrong.

“Caddy wants me to wear heels,” Janis whines as she buries her face in his blazer.

“You are so fucking whipped,” Damian teases. “We’ll find something.”

Their moms finally finish taking photos and they head to the shoe store, Janis looking longingly at the flat men’s dress shoes Damian chooses from. Once his are picked, they head over to the high heels. Janis stares incredulously at the height of some of them, very glad she escaped the Plastics before the heels got this high.

Juliana suddenly comes running at her holding a box, nearly tripping over her own feet and falling on her face until Janis reaches out to steady her. Julie shoves the box at her, Janis taking it curiously and looking to see what her sister has found.

She pulls back the tissue paper to find a pair of stiletto heels (which concerns her, thin heels are not a good way to introduce yourself to them), about four or five inches high and the same royal blue as their color scheme.

“These are huge, Jules,” Janis says incredulously. “Pretty, but... damn.”

“They’re the only ones that match,” Juliana pants, still out of breath from dashing around the store. “I checked everywhere.”

Janis looks at them again. Maybe if she practiced wearing them she could do it. “I’ll try them. You gotta help me, though, or I’m gonna fall on my ass.”

Juliana giggles at that but nods as Janis heads over to a bench to sit, tugging off her comfortable boots. She immediately regrets agreeing to this, but does kind of understand the appeal once she stands up for the first time.

With the height of the heel she’s roughly six and a half feet tall and feeling like she can grind the patriarchy to a pulp under her foot. Of course, it all flies out the window when she tries to take a step, since her entire gait has to shift.

Julie grabs her hands to steady her, guiding her slowly down the aisle like she’s teaching a baby how to walk. Unfortunately, Damian and their mothers come back at this point, all of them immediately bursting out laughing at the sight.

“Oh, baby girl, you’ll have to practice,” her mom giggles.

“Those shoes are perfect, though,” Damian says excitedly.

“I picked ‘em!” Juliana says proudly.

Damian looks impressed. “Nice, squirt. You have a knack for that.” Juliana beams proudly as Janis messes up her hair, immediately losing her balance.

“Who fucking invented these,” she grumbles crankily under her breath.

“Language, Janny,” her mom chides warningly, despite knowing she swears all the time.

Janis looks sheepish, turning away. “Sorry Mama.”

“Alright, let’s go get you kids fed and head home,” Ms. Hubbard says.

“God, yes please,” Janis breathes, yanking the shoes off her feet and stuffing them

back in the box.

————-

The day before the dance, Cady insists on all three art freaks (plus Juliana, who had her own middle school dance on the same night) going to the spa together.

It’s a lovely place, very clean and bright. Janis decides to get her nails all painted the same royal blue shade to match their outfits, Cady gets a glittery silver, and Juliana gets a purple to match the dress she had picked. Damian felt left out and decides to get his painted green.

Since they’re not getting any kind of fancy processes done, they’re all led back to sit next to one another in massage chairs to wait for their nail technicians. The hostess offers them a drink of their choice, Damian and Julie choose a cola, Cady gets water and Janis asks for a Sprite.

While they wait for their drinks, their nail techs come to get to work on them. It turns out that part of the package is hot stone massages on their legs, and warm lotion massages on their arms while they get their nails painted. Janis nearly falls asleep in her chair, lulled by the soothing warmth of the lotion and the repetitive motion of the chair.

She’s startled back awake by the lady returning with their drinks, learning that they had run out of Sprite and offered a Mountain Dew instead. She says it’s fine and takes it, finding the contrast of the drink and the sensations she’s experiencing very funny.

Once their nails are all painted, they’re led over to a drying station in the middle of the room, sitting on benches and sticking their hands and feet under fans to blow their nails dry. Cady leans her head on Janis’ shoulder while they wait, Janis kissing her hair and pressing her cheek against the top of her head.

“I can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” Cady whispers. “I’m so excited.”

“I can’t wait either, Peanut. You’re going to look so beautiful,” Janis responds softly, pulling her into a sweet kiss once her nails are finished and safe to use again.

Cady looks sad to see Janis go once they have to pay and leave, but cheers up a bit when she’s reminded that they get to spend the whole night together tomorrow.

————

On the day, Janis’ mom helps her get ready. The dance doesn’t start until nine, but she and Cady are going out to dinner with Damian and Elijah first, so she has to be ready early.

She’s lucky that her mom appreciates her style. She applies some natural looking makeup around her eyes, which is a bit different than Janis normally does, but she does have to admit it’s a nice look. She’s surprised when her mom gets to the lips, pulling out a blue lipstick, so dark it’s almost black. It’s perfect.

Janis thinks she looks sort of like a model when she looks in the mirror as her mom starts working on her hair.

“I’ve missed doing this for you,” her mom says as she starts brushing out her hair.

“You can anytime, Mama. I hate doing it,” Janis huffs.

“You always did, baby girl, you always did,” her mother replies. Once she finishes brushing it, she applies a few products to get her natural wave back into it, and then starts slicking it to the side with some gel. Once it’s finished, all her hair is resting over her shoulder. It’s a very elegant look. “There.”

“Mama, are you crying?” Janis asks, turning around to hug her.

“No,” her mom sniffs. “Yes. You’ve just... grown into such a beautiful young lady. Feels like the years have gotten away from me. Won’t be too much longer before I’m doing this on your wedding day.”

Janis laughs at that. “You’ve got a while, I’m nowhere near ready to be married yet. I love you.”

Her mom squeezes her, brushing a hand against her cheek as she lets her go. “I love you too, baby girl. Go put your suit on, I’ve got to help your sister now.”

-

Janis heads to her room, tugging on her now perfectly tailored suit pants, then her royal blue t-shirt, her blazer, and necklaces. She decides to forgo the shoes for as long as she can, leaving them resting on her bed. She slides her fanciest rings on as a finishing touch and heads to look at herself in the mirror.

It’s strange. She’s wearing a suit, but she looks more feminine than she has in a long time. Even in comparison to her suit from last year’s Spring Fling where she wore a skirt, it’s a more feminine look. She decides she’s into it. She looks good.

-

She heads downstairs right as Damian and his date pull up outside. Juliana goes rushing up to hug him, looking beautiful in her lavender dress. Janis is glad her sister and best friend get along so well.

“Looking good, guys,” she says as her sister finally releases him. Elijah wound up choosing the option Damian didn’t, looking quite handsome in his green ensemble. He’s shorter than Damian, so he looks less like a tree.

“So do you! You look so good, Jan,” Damian says, pulling her into a gentle hug so he doesn’t mess anything up.

“Thanks,” Janis says shyly, spinning around to show off with her shoes still in her hand. “When’s Caddy coming? I wanna see her.”

“She texted me and said she’s gonna be a couple minutes late, she shouldn’t be too much longer,” Damian responds, checking the time on his phone. “Oh, speak of the devil.”

Cady’s parents pull up then, Cady’s door opening before the car even comes to a complete stop. Janis gasps when she sees her girlfriend in her dress for the first time.

Before she even has time to fully process it, her jaw hanging open, her girlfriend is in her arms, hugging her tightly. “Janis, oh my god! You look incredible!”

“So do you,” Janis says, pulling back for a second to see her. “You look like a princess.”

Cady really does, her long auburn hair has been braided into a thick crown around her head, the remaining strands tied in a bun on top of her head and two little pieces hanging out to frame her face. Her makeup is heavy around her eyes, silver shadow on her lids and eyelashes dark. She looks very ethereal. Her lipstick is more natural, and Janis likes that she can still see her freckles through her face makeup.

“You look so hot! Very, um, sexy businesswoman going to a fancy thing,” Cady says, reaching out to feel her blazer. Janis realizes when she doesn’t have to reach as far that their height balance is off, thrown by Cady’s shoes.

“Thanks,” Janis laughs. “I think.”

“Put your shoes on, I wanna see,” Cady demands, pointing to the heels Janis is still holding in her hand.

“Fine,” Janis pouts as she rests them

on the ground and steps into them carefully. Cady reaches out to steady her at first before letting go once she’s more stable. Janis has been wearing them around the house all month to get used to them.

“Jesus, you’re tall,” Cady giggles, looking up at her. “Oh, wait, I have your-um. Thingy.”

“Boutonnière, baby. Thank you,” Janis laughs as Cady tenderly pins it on. “Here’s your corsage.”

“Why thank you,” Cady says as Janis slides it on her wrist and kisses her knuckles. “Now come on, we gotta take pictures. I want to kiss you but I can’t mess up your makeup until those are done.”

“Okay, Peanut, let’s go,” Janis chuckles, taking her hand and stumbling slightly as she heads over to Damian, Elijah, and their parents.

They take every cliché prom photo in the book, all awkward poses and cheesy smiles. Janis nearly breaks her ankle trying to do their jump shot in those shoes, but Cady somehow does and lands it perfectly, reaching out to steady Janis with a chuckle.

They take one more jokey shot of each other with the wrong dates, Cady with Damian and Janis with Elijah looking at each other confusedly before switching back to who they’re meant to be with.

“Alright, you crazy kids, get out of here,” Damian’s mom demands, shoving them towards their Uber that had pulled up. None of them were into the idea of renting a limo, but none of them wanted to drive either.

“Be safe!” Janis’ mom adds.

“Make good choices!” Cady’s mom pipes up. Her dad and Cady both roll their eyes lovingly.

————-

As they pull up to the restaurant, everyone clambers out quickly. Damian and Elijah head in first, Janis and Cady following hand in hand a few paces behind them. Just before they reach the doors, Cady tugs on Janis’ hand, hauling her backwards.

“Wha- oh, okay,” Janis stutters, gasping as Cady looks around quickly before fisting a hand in her t-shirt and pulling her down for a hot mess of a kiss. Turns out the shirt works just fine. Janis kisses her back just as hard, wrapping her arms around Cady’s waist to pull her closer.

When they finally break apart, their lipsticks have fully blended together. “Glad we made it to the dance before we ruined our makeup,” Cady chuckles breathlessly, pulling two makeup wipes out of her clutch to get rid of the evidence. Damian looks at them knowingly when they walk in several minutes late suddenly missing lipstick, but neither of them care.

-

It’s a fancy restaurant, and their table is next to a water feature. Janis immediately sticks her hand in it, causing water to splash everywhere for a second until she pulls it out.

“Janis, what? Why did you do that?” Cady asks in exasperation as she grabs a napkin from their table to dry Janis’ hand.

Janis looks down sheepishly. “I wanted to see if it was real.”

“Well now you know,” Cady says, dabbing at the splash marks on her suit and wondering how a fountain could be fake. “And I’m sitting next to that. You get the outside.”

“Sorry, Caddy.”

“Don’t be sorry, my love. I just worry about your regard for social norms and sense of self preservation sometimes.” Cady comforts, kissing her cheek gently to cheer her up.

“Oh, speaking of which, I got a great idea for senior pranks,” Janis says excitedly. Damian and Elijah both lean in across the table, as if they’re plotting something for the mafia. “I’m gonna get a cow and stick it on the second floor, and then put chickens in the elevator. Cows don’t go down stairs, so they’ll try to put it in the elevator and find the chickens.”

“Where are you going to get any of these things?” Elijah asks. It’s a fair question.

“My mom knows a guy, one of her old classmates is a farmer and he said I could borrow some of his livestock,” Janis explains.

“I- wh-“ Cady stutters, trying to find a response to this. “If you get expelled before you can graduate I’m not gonna help you.” Her own plan was just to stick a bunch of plastic forks in the football field. Gretchen and Karen had already agreed to help, too.

“I won’t get caught. It’ll be fine,” Janis says, sounding as if she already knows it won’t.

“That’s actually kind of genius, Jan,” Damian says. “I’m gonna put a speaker in the gym playing the chorus to It’s a Small World on repeat and then put a bunch of cups full of water in the way of it.”

“Nice!” Janis cheers, high-fiving him.

“You guys,” Cady pleads, looking as if she’s witnessing a murder plot. “You’re gonna get in trouble.”

“That’s the fun of it, Peanut! The risk,” Janis says boldly. “Plus, Regina knows how to hack the security cameras so there won’t be any proof. Unless someone rats me out.”

Cady thinks she might, just to save herself the headache. She feels as if she’s gotten a very telling taste of her future. “Jesus Christ.”

Cady and Elijah make exhausted eye contact periodically throughout their meal, exasperated with their respective partners. Once they finally finish eating, Cady has to haul Janis away from the fountain by the tail of her blazer to stop her from reaching into it again.

“Come on, Jayjay. No fountain or I’m revoking your little spoon rights for a week.”

“Fine.”

————-

A few minutes after nine, their group strolls into the school. Janis and Cady head to the bathroom to reapply their respective lipsticks before going into the main dance.

Janis stops Cady before she can put hers back on, pressing her against the wall gently and kissing her soundly again. Cady grips the fabric of her blazer at her waist, having to restrain herself from messing up Janis’ hair.

Janis checks under the doors to make sure they’re alone before coming back, pulling Cady flush against her and sucking on her lower lip. Cady groans softly, making Janis want to fast forward through the dance and take her home.

Cady gives her one last good smooch before pulling back, both of them panting slightly. “We should go in,” She breathes, ghosting the words over Janis’ lips. “We have time for this later, we only get one senior prom.”

“Fine,” Janis pouts, kissing her gently one more time before heading to a mirror to finally put her lipstick back on.

They head hand in hand into the gym, looking around at how it’s been transformed. The theme this year is a Night Under the Stars, so they’re surrounded by dark balloons, gold decorations, and glow in the dark stars stuck to the ceiling. Janis is reminded of Cady’s speech from last year’s dance. Maybe that served as the inspiration.

“Whoa,” Cady says excitedly. The school puts much more funding into prom than Spring Fling, since it’s supposed to be a kind of final memory for the seniors. It actually looks quite nice. “I’m gonna go say hi to Regina and Gretchen and Karen really quick, I’ll be right back.”

“Okay, Butterfly. I want punch, I’ll be over there.” Janis kisses her quickly and sends her on her way.

She people-watches as she sips slowly from her cup, wanting to get as much punch as she can before someone inevitably spikes it. Damian and Elijah have already been lost to the mob of dancers, but she can spy them just across the way. Regina looks strangely nervous in her baby pink dress. She’s been wary of large crowds since the bus incident. Gretchen and Karen look adorable as ever together, in royal purple dresses that are slightly different styles.

Janis is working on her third cup of punch when the DJ announces a request for Born This Way by Lady Gaga. She and Damian lock eyes from across the room, nodding slightly. Damian sometimes choreographs dances to his favorite songs, and almost always drags Janis into learning them. They both have backgrounds in dance, and can do them quite well. Janis figures they might as well go out with a bang.

They meet in the middle of the floor and start their routine. Damian is a talented choreographer, having spent hours studying for his various shows. The routine is actually very well put together.

People gradually start realizing what’s happening and stop dancing themselves, surrounding them to watch and cheer them on. It’s a nice feeling, if a bit strange for them. She spots Cady with the former Plastics watching her excitedly, and shoots her a cheeky wink before continuing her moves.

When the song finally ends, they pause in their ending pose for a split second before standing and blushing scarlet. Everyone claps for a short while, looking rather stunned as they head back to their friends. “Well damn,” the DJ says into his microphone. “Did not expect that. Uh, here’s the Macarena.”

Cady wraps Janis in a tight hug once she finally reaches her, yelling, “Janis, what the hell?! I had no idea you could dance like that, that was incredible!”

“Thanks,” Janis pants. “I’ll teach you sometime.”

“I’m such a klutz, good look with that,” Cady giggles. “You need more to drink, you must be exhausted.”

She leads Janis over to the table, pouring them both one more glass of punch. “We should go see who the prom court is, too.”

Prom court worked a bit differently than Spring Fling, in that it was a secret until the night of the dance. Student council made nominations, which allowed some of the less popular students to make the ballot, and then whoever attended the event got to vote.

“There’s two winners of each this year? That’s different,” Janis mumbles on seeing the sign at the voting table.

“Regina said it’s because there’s a lot more LGBT+ couples that are out and coming to events together now, and should both be able to win. They’re doing it from now on,” Cady says. “And look at who’s on the ballot.”

Janis does, surprised to see her own name listed, along with Cady’s and the three former Plastics. “I’m an option?”

“You are,” Cady chuckles. “And Damian is up for Prom King, too.” Sure enough, Damian and Elijah are both listed along with all the Mathletes.

Janis is stunned. It doesn’t make up for the years of torment they faced at the hands of these kids, and she doesn’t think for a second that she’s going to win, but it’s a nice gesture at least. A start.

They’re each allowed to vote for two people for each category. Janis votes Cady and Karen for queen and Damian and Elijah for king. Cady votes Janis and Gretchen as queen and also votes Damian and Elijah as king.

Once they slip their papers into the boxes, the DJ announces a slow song. “May I have this dance?” Janis asks in a suave voice, reaching out a hand for her girlfriend.

“You may,” Cady giggles, taking her hand and following her onto the dance floor. Janis kisses Cady’s knuckles gently before letting go to hold her by the waist, Cady grinning up at her as she holds onto Janis’ neck.

“I love you,” Janis murmurs as they start swaying softly to the rhythm of the song. Cady pushes up briefly to brush their lips together.

“I love you too,” she whispers when she pulls away again. “I’m so glad we got this night together.”

“I am too. We’ve come so far in a year, it’s crazy,” Janis responds.

“Crazy indeed,” Cady chuckles. “I’m so lucky.”

“I’m the lucky one, baby,” Janis says, surprising Cady by dipping her. She squeals and clings tighter to her neck, but giggles when Janis kisses her quickly and pulls her back up.

“You’re so smooth,” Cady teases as the song ends.

“Thanks,” Janis responds as she kisses her again. “God, my feet are killing me.”

“Take your shoes off then, Jellybean. The ticket lady will hold them for you,” Cady says. “Mine kind of hurt too, we can just walk around barefoot.”

They both sit on the bleachers to take their heels off, breathing a sigh of relief once they’re back to their normal height. Now that they’re free, they meet back up with Damian and Elijah, letting loose and dancing crazily to the loud music, jumping up and down as they laugh. It’s freeing, dancing like nobody’s watching in a room packed with people.

After several songs, the DJ announces that it’s time to reveal the winners of prom king and queen. All the nominees head up on stage next to him, Janis and Cady holding hands as they make their way up.

They announce the kings first. “Your nominees for prom king are: Damian Hubbard, Elijah French, Kevin Gnapoor, Marwan Jitla, and Tyler Kimble!” The DJ calls dramatically. “And your kings for tonight are... Damian and Elijah!”

Janis and Cady both cheer happily as their friends receive their crowns, clapping for them excitedly.

“Moving to your nominees for prom queen! Caddy Heron, Janis Sarkisian, Regina George, Gretchen Wieners, and Karen Smith!” Cady pouts a little at the mispronunciation of her name. “And your prom queens tonight are... Caddy and Janis!”

Janis blinks rapidly, stunned. They’re handed the tiaras to put on each other, Cady having to pop up on her tippy toes to reach that high. Janis places the crown tenderly on Cady’s head, sliding it in place around her updo. Cady bravely decides to pull her down into a brief, sweet kiss. A few people clap for them then, which is nice.

They’re led off stage after that, Janis still in shock. How the hell did I win? These people all hated me. If Cady finds out later that Regina had threatened everyone into voting for them, she’d take that secret to her grave.

-

They decide to stick around for one more slow song, this time with Cady leading. Janis leans down and presses their foreheads together, looking into Cady’s clear blue eyes happily.

Cady tries to dip her, too, nearly dropping her on the ground until Janis barely manages to pull herself back up at the last second. Cady looks very sheepish, until Janis kisses her cheek gently to make her smile.

“Can we go home?” Cady asks quietly once the song is finished, pressing close to Janis. “I feel buzzy.”

‘Buzzy’ is how Cady had taken to describing the feeling of being overstimulated. She surprisingly isn’t feeling too overloaded, given the amount of noise and the lights, but knows it will get to be too much for her soon.

“Of course, baby. Go get our stuff, I’ll go tell Damian,” Janis answers, kissing her sweetly and pushing her towards the door.

She heads to fetch Damian, who is deep in conversation with Elijah. She doesn’t want to interrupt, but he spies her lurking and waves her over. “Caddy and I are going home, she’s tired.”

“Okay, I’ll come say bye,” Damian says, kissing Elijah on the cheek and standing to follow her. Janis leads him over to where Cady is waiting with her bag and both pairs of their shoes.

“Bye, little slice,” Damian says, wrapping her in a hug. “See you later.”

“Bye, Dame,” Cady responds, leaning into his embrace as best she can. Damian heads back to his date then, Janis leading Cady by the arm out the doors gently. She taps into her phone to order their Uber home before sitting down on a bench and pulling Cady into her lap.

“Did you have fun, Peanut?” She asks, kissing Cady’s forehead as she squeezes her tightly to help with the sensory overload. Cady nods against her shoulder, too overwhelmed to speak unless she absolutely has to. “Good.”

It’s a cold night for springtime, and Janis notices Cady start shivering slightly in her embrace. She pulls away for a second to tug off her blazer, wrapping it gently around her girlfriend and pulling her back in. Cady kisses her jaw a few times in thanks.

————

Once they get back to Janis’ house, Cady leads Janis quickly up towards her bedroom, desperate to get out of her now heavy and uncomfortable gown. Janis hands her some makeup wipes as she pulls out Cady’s emergency sleepover pjs from her dresser, as well as some shorts and a sweatshirt for herself.

Cady takes the pjs once all her itchy makeup has been removed, but tugs gently on the hem of Janis’ sweatshirt, silently asking for one too. Janis goes to fetch another one, kissing her cheek as Cady heads to get changed.

Cady is scratching at her head when she returns, trying to relieve some of the ache caused by her hairstyle. “Help?” She asks quietly, barely above a whisper. Talking takes energy she doesn’t have to spare at the moment.

Janis nods, gesturing for her to sit between her legs as she removes the crown, starting to unravel the mess of pins and ties holding up her hair. Cady breathes a sigh of relief once her long curls are flowing down her back again, and her eyes flutter shut as Janis starts stroking a brush through them gently to remove any excess product.

Once she’s finished, Cady ties her hair up loosely so it’s not in her face before turning to face Janis. “Now you.”

Janis switches spots with her, taking a wipe to take off her own makeup as Cady starts gently brushing the gel and hairspray out. They’d still have to shower tomorrow, but that can wait. They’re both exhausted.

Once Janis’ hair is sufficiently soft, Cady lies down and pulls Janis to lie on top of her. Janis was worried about squishing her the first few times, since Cady is so much smaller, but Cady had explained that the pressure didn’t hurt and actually was very helpful when she was upset.

Janis tugs the duvet over them gently, kissing Cady goodnight before tucking her face into her shoulder and closing her eyes.

“I love you.” Cady mutters quietly, rubbing Janis’ back.

“I love you too, baby. Sweet dreams.” Janis says back, popping an eye open to look at the two tiaras resting on her nightstand. She grins happily before shutting her eyes once more and drifting off to dreamland.

Tonight belonged to us.

-

hope you enjoyed! if you want to check it out, I put some images of their outfits and such in this chapter of my work on wattled (titled cadnis oneshots so I can get some f*cking sleep). I'm sorry I didn't put them here, but I frankly do not have the energy.

requests are still open! please leave them either here, on my wattpad, or on my ao3. I've been getting a fair few recently (thank you all!) so it may take a few weeks for yours to be published, but I am doing my damndest to crank these out and will get to everyone's eventually.

thanks for reading!

lots of love,

ezzy

[mego42]

A Song Inside the Halls of the Dark and questions 4, 7, & 9 plspls! ☺️

ty ma’aaaaaam!!

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

honestly, the hardest part of this is picking one bc this fic is somehow almost???? 90k???????? (and that’s not counting the 38K and counting that make up the last two chapters omg rip me, you, all of us, why am I like this?????????) ANYWAY, here are a couple of favs:

in ch 3 when they’re fighting in the hotel room, Beth says:

"So I did it, I did what you'd been telling me to. I played the game on your level. It's on me, but it's also on you. You thought I could be something, right? Well, this is that something. The bitch you trained bit back."

I love it for how it plays on their s2 baggage both good and bad, highlighting how tangled it all is, I love how it flips some of 213 back on Rio and I love it as an outlet for Beth getting some stuff off her chest. Plus, idk, it just feels pleasingly snappy to me.

and then Annie to Rio in ch 7:

“I’m watching you, gang friend.”

mostly bc it makes me giggle. I really love the potential of an Annie and Rio relationship of some kind, I do not think he would know what to do with her and I think an Annie more comfortable in his presence would definitely lean into it.

I have a bunch of other favs but they can’t really be condensed down into a single line BUT scenes include:

Beth and Rio’s fight in ch 9 where Rio finally spills the root of how he’s been feeling

Beth’s conversation with Ruby towards the end of ch 10, I had a lot of fun walking the line between Ruby being a friend to Beth and also being a sane individual watching Beth and Rio’s relationship unfold like ??????????

7: Where did the title come from?

Outnumbered by Dermot Kennedy because I was In My Feelings when I came up with it

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

aaaahhhhahahahaha yeah. not counting stuff like what i’m doing now with ch 11 and 12 (I drafted both, got to the end, identified what wasn’t working and now I’m going back through and doing scene rewrites), I overhauled the fic itself three different times which I personally do not recommend doing after you’ve started writing it bc it’s very stressful.

1. the original version that I mostly ended up keeping and working into the first three chapters was a one-shot (lmao, I know) bottle ep thingy where Beth and Rio were trapped in a hotel room for a night with nothing to do but deal with each other

2. the original version of the plot was v different and I started messing with it around ch 4/5 and diverged from it completely with ch 6 when I moved up the PP fire (I forget exactly what was supposed to happen but it was boring)

3. when I got to ch 9 I realized I hated my new ending and had a complete and utter meltdown that @foxmagpie had to talk me down from where I was ready to throw in the towel entirely

fic q’s

[hdawg1995]

yall i'm super bored and 13 year old me is screeching about Scalla so i'm going to screech about Scalla.

Scalla was all into the hunter's paradise bounties and crafting of gear. for a very long time she was a ninja with a rainbow shell on her back. It was purply because she made it herself and really really liked the fact that she made A Thing. this is kinda why when Tomix taught her how to soul weave she really got into it. The butterflies she makes during one of the attacks she would always try and make real and last longer than just that attack. Scalla likes making things and working with her hands but doesn't have a true outlet for it.

Because of her status in the ninja clans of Shadow of the Wind village when ever she ended up battling ninjas I would pretend the whole time she is scolding them on bad form and how she shouldn't have been able to even see them coming and "oooooh when i see Thyton again you're GROUNDED!" so lore wise Scalla uses fights with ninjas as impromptu spars. 100% walked into a room of ninja one time and blew their cover by yelling "POP QUIZ!". Because she isn't part of any clan though blood or family line she was "adopted" into various clans as a mentor after the events of the wind orb saga.

speaking of wind orb she never got the pirate armor because she didn't want to betray the ninjas or Rhubarb's friendship- she felt training as a pirate would go against the bond she made with Shadow of the Wind village and make Rhubarb think she was lying about being a high ranking ninja who just wanted the rivalry to end. Scalla's morals are built on trust and once she has it she doesn't want to risk it.

The events of energy orb were particularly hard for Scalla cause she didn't have a water weapon. She developed a small distaste for machines, but this went away after she trained technomancer, but it made her dislike popsprocket even more since the technomancer armor shows off her scar covered shoulders. As much as she loves the gnomes she wouldn't willingly visit.

water orb messed her up and might have been the seed that would eventually grow into her current Chaos self. I've mentioned somewhere that Scalla is basically sentient magic stuff that is super sensitive to it's environment and Scalla's Chaos is her "immune system" responding to stress and thats still true but after doing a big thunk and looking at notes i think because of how sensitive Scalla is to her environment the insanity she experienced in water orb exposed her to entropy, and then the events of earth orb exposed her *again*, and as the age old saying goes- "Third times the charm"- when Scalla broke out of the ice and experienced the shock of everyone being older than her, the world doing a 180 with magic being bad, and then Artix being married (because i think it would be kinda rude to IRL Artix's wife if i just hand waved their wedding in AQW) exposed her to entropy once again.

Fire orb also messed Scalla up but not mentally. Emotionally however Drakonnan got to her and she wished so badly that she could have done something. She logically knew she couldn't, shes just one person, but her heart breaks when she thinks about him and when he shows up in book 2 she was glad to see him because he was being a hero in a way Scalla couldn't. When he isn't at his smithy in book 3 feral Chaos Scalla all but turned into a bloodhound to try and find him and was only stopped by the physical fact that she could not look for him.

So Scalla was Warrior, Ninja, Soulweaver, riftwalker, dragonlord. her Dragonlord armor used to be the basic color custom one and then in book 3 when her chaos developed and actually started to manifest, the only visual que i had was the chaos edge sword and warrior of chaos helm, but when DL got full customization the Feral armor was PERFECT. When Warlic tried to remove Scalla's chaos he learned its the result of Scalla's mind and body reacting to stress and trauma, so to help her gain better control (without having to spend hours as a riftwalker killing anything that moves just to tire herself out) he just. Released the chaos. The holes on the chest are the result of Scalla's Chaos being released all at once by force. It could be compared to opening a bottle of shaken up soda pop- the riftwalker rampage was like opening the soda slowly, letting the carbon out slowly and steadily while also having enough control to stop it from over flowing. meanwhile Warlic going "Scalla i am going to release your Chaos." is just opening the bottle and letting the soda go all over the place. Although releasing her Chaos wasn't fun for anyone involved it meant there was less "soda pop" in her mind as apposed to the first method.

Some things give Scalla enough strength to be present- interacting with old friends, talking with Draco, using riftwalker and soulweaver- but there are lots of things that just are Too Much for her now -going to ravenloss after void ship, going to falcon reach inn after calamity, interacting with jaania, going to amithyville- but because her chaos has been lessened she can at least keep her head on straight so to speak. I think this means that, hella unfortuanlly, Scalla didn't have much or any control over her Chaos until The Thrones quest line (unless theres a time where we meet warlic earlier than that).

Scalla doesn't like showing her face due to just being used to keeping it hidden as a ninja. The chaos warrior helmet having a visor that lets her show her face originally meant she could have the best of both worlds- never revealing her face to her enemies, but still being able to smile and make eye contact with her friends. Now the helm is an indicator to just how in control Scalla is- Visor help her chaos has 0 sway over her. Visor down the chaos is most likely in control.

Draco does not make a good emotional support animal but for some reason the miniphage is great at that job.

[crescentmoonrider]

,,,now I want to know about the akaren in the au

[Haunted Hallway AU] [the post that mentions Hakuji for the first time]

hell yea it’s Hakuji time !! im also taking this opportunity for a short reprieve from *waves at Douma* this AU’s awfulness

Kyoujurou meets Hakuji at Kimetsu High. neither of them are students there, mind you, Kyoujurou is drinking coffee in the teacher’s lounge before going home, and Hakuji comes in to ask where he can put up the flyers advertising the dojo he works at

they talk a little as Kyoujurou guides him through the hallways. Hakuji’s dojo doesn’t have many students, especially in the beginners’ classes, and he’s hoping to recruit some newcomers. first few lessons are free, by the way

he enthusiastically answers all of Kyoujurou’s questions about soryuu, about martial arts, and isn’t it kind of dangerous ? Kyoujurou isn’t really comfortable with the idea of violence, it turns out, not even controlled. but Hakuji has the dojo’s honor to defend here, and he will Not stand for this kind of skewed image of martial arts

people come to the dojo for a variety of reasons, he says. some just want to do some sport. some are looking to test new horizons, find their limits and surpass them

some want to learn to defend themselves, just in case, or maybe to grow beyond a past experience where they felt powerless against someone stronger than them

some are trying to grow into a better person, to turn their anger and violence into something controlled, something with discipline and respect for their opponent, where they don’t risk hurting someone neither deserving of hurt or who signed up in full consciousness of the risks

which type are you ? Kyoujurou asks. Hakuji just smiles

he’s the one teaching the beginners’ classes, he explains after he’s done hanging up the flyers. he hands one to Kyoujurou, in case he wants to change his mind about soryuu, or just to learn something new

it takes some time for Kyoujurou to really process the encounter. Hakuji’s enthusiasm and passion was admirable, and reminds him of his own passion for history. and he seemed like a kind person

on the other hand, whenever Kyoujurou thinks of hitting someone, his mind flashes back to that fateful day he found Senjurou at home (the old one, where Father probably still lives in the company of his precious bottles) with a bloodied nose, to the awful, awful fear that maybe it wasn’t the first time, or maybe it would happen again, and to the overwhelming anger he felt at his father

if Senjurou hadn’t been here, in need of care, in need of protection and of being taken away, Kyoujurou might have killed their father. he knows this, and fears this knowledge

and anyway, he doesn’t have time or money to spare for this kind of hobby, and Senjurou would feel lonely without him at home probably

but a few weeks later, Kyoujurou has finally (finally !) paid off the last of his loans, and Senjurou found himself a part-time job and Kyoujurou is the lonely one now

and the thought keeps coming back, that it could be a good outlet for the stress he feels from all his work, that he could learn to defend himself, defend Senjurou, just in case. it would be good for him to do some sport again, too. for his health. and Hakuji seemed nice, Kyoujurou really liked talking to him

and well. the first few lessons are free, right ?