#also im alone for like literally the whole weekend lmao no one is getting back until sunday night sooo

[invisiblyvisiblejay]

okay so update on being alone for the weekend anxiety its. not because of the spiraling about everyone leaving me. bc i am not spiraling rn and i am like so anxious and like i don't understand why like i don't get what im scared of

[bruiisedpetals-a]

long NON RP RANT — about work bc the audacity!?!??!   tldr: a girl who had applied and interviewed and confirmed her trial shift to be a barista last week and was V EXCITED so we cancelled another person for her trial .... showed up, said hi, chatted a bit, had a look inside, then said she was going for a walk to look around the area bc she isnt a local, and within 5 MINUTES (literally. five) ghosted, disappeared, text my boss and said “yeah nah bye”, and left me alone handling the whole place.  cue endless work for me w double the usual customers, and a shift that lasted three hours longer that it should have bc of the ghosting.

rel context: i work in a small coffee & bagel place, two people on one shift: one on coffee & point of sale and another to be the cook, we also have two online food delivery providers so we take orders in person and from two apps + i’m a barista and have line cook kitchen prac & experience so am actually a ‘cook’ ig?

so i mentioned in my post when i was half asleep yesterday that i had a new person coming into my workplace for a trial today, so i stayed late to prep for weekend trade + restock stuff, and came in early to set up everything just in case. we were v busy yesterday with food as it was so i had a lot to restock, and w mothers day tomorrow everything needs to be topped up more-so. that a lot of work by itself to be honest but manageable in between cooking, esp when you have an extra set of hands when its quiet to help.   look if you have seen any cooking show you might see that set up, prep and pack down take THE LONGEST ok.

 — our permanent staff consists of me and K, we have two other locations so we get help from Z and J, and they can usually cover the shifts that K and i can’t  (eg. K can’t do saturdays, i cant do every 3rd tuesday)  but they manage other locations so they are not available without prior notice.       so basically the only person who was available to work today was me, even my boss was busy moving house w his wife, 4mo and two under 8yo’s. —

this morning i’m at work at 7am, turn on things etc, set up my cooking stuff, open the coffee machine, nothing crazy. at abt 7:45am im chillin outside having a coffee and a smoke and someone walks up and it turns out to be the trial girl. we chat a bit etc, i show her inside and the machine    (she’s a barista and i’m the cook on shift)     —   i say that i just heard from my boss myself, bc she had spoken w him earlier that morning, and he’s on the way and should be here within 5-7 mins   ***technically we open at 8am but i was waiting for my boss but had checked the time to keep track & i had just text my boss back so i saw the timestamp***

so at 7:59am i head inside after i finish my smoke and she’s going to have a look where i told her there is free close parking for next time bc she took the train, at 8:04am my boss walks in and goes “WOW IT’S 8:04AM AND SHE’S NOT HERE lmao” (he did not yell it he’s a g - that’s just how i knew what the time was alksjfhg)     and i go “no she’s just having a look down [street] bc of the parking i literally saw her a few mins ago” and proceed to open the doors etc.  meanwhile i see my boss on the phone calling her, after a moment he comes over with a Whole “i cant fkn believe this” Face on while he’s on the phone.  i’m thinking “??? i hope trial girl didn’t get lost in these lil crossover streets damn”

(it’s 8:07am, from now the customers start. they DO NOT STOP until at least 11am, it was at least double the normal turnover of profits during that time so thats ur ref for how BUSY it got)

boss goes “ur not gonna believe this” and show me the mssg from trial girl who basically has said “hi i went to ur shop, and i had a wander around the area and its just not good enough for me so i’m on my way home”. she’s GONE. in those five minutes. she got up, lied to me, and was at the nearby train station leaving. boss is floored and i’m like !>?!??!?!@#!#?who IN THE FK does this?!?!? but the customers so *professional me is present rn*

between her and boss there’s a little back and forth (text, she wont answer any calls) where he literally pleads with her bc there is NO ONE who can come in an assist me and she confirmed yesterday and she WAS HERE, she continues to be like “mmmm well ik that we discussed this and i said that i would be here and its been set for days and i applied LAST WEEK etc. but... no sorry im going back to bed” and then blocks him.

& this whole thing takes place between

7:59AM — 8:07AM.

i was there from 7am - 4:35pm  / my usual saturday is 7:45am - 2:30pm

WHO DOES THAT. WHO IS THAT UNPROFESSIONAL. WHO??? WHOMST??? SHE WAS SO FKN RUDE I WAS liVID. LIKE. why LEAD us ALL ON. we all need to make a living do U THINk he can afford to lose a whole day of trade?? he’s got a whole FAmILY and his wife cant work rn bc she’s just had their 3rd child.   i live PaYCHECK to PAYcheck.  like this is life this isnt a game????   you are 29YRS OLD why cant u act grown 

[studyari]

march update

it’s officially midterms time. i thought i would post an update becuase this semester has took SO much out of me. i finished my internship funded by the national science foundation in january, can’t say i made too many ties there since i hardly saw my superiors. BUT i did get to know the metrology lab pretty well and even got their machine working. going into it i did NOT imagine i could accomplish that but i felt so good getting it working! i even made a little overturn training manual and gave it over to them. 

okay so starting this semester i am in my gateway courses. so a bunch of physics courses at one time ugh plus i was taking differential and linear algebra. i got so stressed out with the workload that i had a dream where i crashed into a forest and the airbags went off lol. that same morning i dropped my lab and differential equations. it was just WAYYY too much for me. 

i’m still a full time student so it was clear i was doing too much. hmm okay so i’m in my gateway courses so mathematical physics, classical mechanics, and modern physics. i knew i was going to struggle with classical mechanics because kinematics alone was hard for me to grasp and it’s basically dynamics. i didn’t apply as an engineering major literally because i didn’t want to take dynamics LOL i struggled in statics. Of course im taking the same class just named something else and a lot harder T_T. i also wanted to get some undergrad research experience and work in an electronic materials lab but yeah i’m just tooooo busy it was a good idea though lmao.

okay but honestly mechanics is the hardest class for me, modern physics is my most interesting class, and mathematical isn’t too bad even though i suck at math because our teacher grades us mostly on completion and work shown. the hardest thing about this semester is just the schedule itself. so we have to take all three at the same time for some reason or you wouldn’t be able to register for the class ummm overkill much?! and the schedule is from 10am - 7:30 pm ughhhh. I have to take the bus there so add on a couple hours and then i have to walk to class. ohhh i miss the online/hybrid classes so much lol. by the time i’m in my last class i am literally asleep. don’t worry ive started drinking coffee.

looking on the brighter sides of things i’m being a lot more involved in campus and i’m really liking getting to know my classmates! i am so antisocial and awkward so im surprised. i’ve been going to the women in stem meetings, society of astronomy, nsbe coding workshops, ieee circuits workshops, career fairs, and boba socials just for funsies. i realize school isnt all about good grades and killing yourself for that A. i’ve even had more time to spend with my friends (it is so true what they say about making time not having it lol). almost every other weekend we see each other and have little celebrations, watch movies, have study dates, go to the park, get coffee/boba, go shopping etc. and facetiming my friends back in arizona as well! one of my club advisors told me its actually the b and c students that do better in the job market and isnt that freaking crazy! ever since then ive been reminding myself that being perfect and getting a’s isnt always worth it. i have other life to live too and people wont necessarily fault me for that.

okay as for my grades though i have been bombing every single quiz like a 50 or LESS LMAO. that’s with me studying at least a whole day before. however as of now i have passed every exam so far. so my current grades right now are 90% in modern physics, 98% mathematical physics, 100% classical mechanics (but a lot f the grades arent in yet), and a 99% in linear algebra. See and thats me not killing myself this semester so im super happy i decided to not overdo it, it really doesnt make as much as a difference as i thought lmao clearly.

looking forward to spring break! i was in therapy/behavioral health all last year trying to tackle my anxiety and i would say its been helping. its all about making a choice. i’m also in physical therapy now for the next couple of months and then once summer starts i’ll start going back to therapy again. this post might seem positive but this semester i have never felt more unmotivated or stupid. some days i feel like i cant do this and that everyone else around me is so much more capable. but i know as soon as i give into those thoughts that i’ll end up giving up and i don't want to give up. my boyfriend also has been feeling the same way. 

i also lost my wallet this week soooo all my documentation and identification is gone ugh. i had a full on breakdown but am getting that figured out. i’m going to an applications of black holes seminar tomorrow and i am super excited about that. took my linear algebra exam today too, (WHY IS THAT CLASS SO HARD BTW). i havent yet applied but theres this summer research opportunity happening at the university of toronto (dunlap institute of physics and astrophysics) and i think im going to apply! i really want to travel this year and experience something new!

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

What's the most chaos y'all've experienced?

oh do you guys wanna hear about the time i lived through something straight out of a fucking horror movie :D

-mod dave

so this was kinda recently actually. my partner, our dumbass idiot friend, and i were all vibing one weekend. now were already avid in wandering around state parks at night but like only the ones around my town. for reference: i live up in willoughby motherfucking hills which is this pop. 9000 quaint little rich people suburban town where the bitches down the street have horses on their property. our state parks are really cool but theyre really easily navigable, really easy to get to, and are always always ALWAYS next to or near a main road. get back to civilization all easy peasy

OK WELL OUR DUMBASS FRIEND. he goes “ok who wants to go to hell hollow” one weekend. and i never having been there go “ok sure yeah what the fuck ever” and im the only one of us with a license right now so we take my car and we fuck outta here

so we left at like 8pm. thing about this particular night tho is that it was getting darkish, the moon was full, this park is 30 minutes away from my house, and turns out its in the middle of fuck ass hell all nowhere. nothing but backroads and forest for miles. and yknow its fucking called hell hollow. and of course while were driving out there it starts pouring like fucking crazy like five minutes into the drive so now its STORMING dark full moon in the middle of fuckall nowhere driving to a place called hell hollow state park. 

we miss the first turn cause of these goddamn roads and their idiot ass turns and we go the long way around of course and its a buncha hills. right. buncha hilly roads in a cloudburst of rain. so like. HUGE puddles in the dips between hills. im scared as fuck that im boutta hydroplane and my partners like “holy shit be careful” and my friends in the back minding his own damn business and all of a goddamn sudden my little light goes off and i see a notif on my little screen: “warning: low tire pressure”.

we pull into the goddamn parking lot and my TIRE is FLAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so a park ranger comes and stays with us til the rain stops (which takes about 30 minutes so its now 9pm) but none of us fucking know how to change a tire. but i happen to have an AAA card in my wallet so i call them and they tell us its a 45 minute wait for anyone to come out there and help us, but its not like we have a choice or anything so were all like “ok bet” and we wait.

an HOUR AN THIRTY MINUTES LATER (10:30pm) they call me BACK to say “actually we dont have any drivers but like we know a couple tow trucks that could get to you from mentor (which is also 30 minutes away from us) that you could just pay up front” and im like ACTUALLY FUCK YOU NONE OF US HAVE ANY MONEY so we just call my partners dad instead cause the homeboy knows what hes doing and hes like “ok cool ill be there”. 

IT TAKES THIS MAN TIL 1AM TO COME GET US

and lemme tell yall the fucking TIME IN BETWEEN CALLING HIM and HIM ARRIVING was HORRIBLE. we started hearing shit in the woods. i was 100% sure they were animals at first but my friend and my partner were both off their shits insisting they saw something else. of course they got out of the car and i just fucking followed cause i didnt want to be alone in the car. at one point we saw some kinda pale-ass human-esque figure running around the edge of the woods and it scared the shit out of me. my partner tapped a stick on the ground to see if anything sentient was out there and we fucking heard tapping back from the woods and there no other cars in the parking lot. but the fucking thing that sent me the hardest was this.

my car? manual seat adjusts. i have levers and you gotta fucking pull em yourself. SO TELL ME WHY THE GOOD FUCKING LORD MY FRONT SEATS MOVED BY THEMSELVES WHILE WE WERE ALL OUTSIDE THE CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lmao thats when i started crying 

but uh the park ranger came back and checked on us again and i was like AGGRESSIVELY hiding a panic attack from this woman and she left JUST before my partners dad actually pulled into the parking lot. he changed our tire and we FUCKED outta there homie i was so stressed the whole fucking way home. i got home at 2:30 am. it was supposed to be a sleepover that night but i kicked everybody out of my house and spent the night in my house by myself. holy fuck

like my friend still makes jokes about it which irritates me to the ends of the earth but like on god i will literally never fucking go back to that park again in my life. you could not pay me. i will never set fucking foot in hell hollow ever again

AND AT THE END OF THE GODDAMN DAY WE DIDNT EVEN GO IN THE WOODS ANYWAY

[irwinkitten]

got lucky | c.h

requested by anon: ok so for the bi!reader concept: last year i ended my relationship w this girl the main reason was because she was really insecure and jealous especially about me being bisexual like anytime i would talk to a guy she would just get so upset about it and she would make such gross biphobic comments and at the time i had so much internalised biphobia that i tried to convince myself i was gay n stayed in the relationship longer than i should have because i rly liked her i guess lol anyways (1/4) we ended and a while afterwards i started seeing this guy who i’d known of for ages (friends of friends type situation) but we just never really talked before or hung out but from the first date we clicked and the sex was crazy good like the type of sex were ur ditching ur vibrators cuz he’s that good lmao so one weekend we went to this party together and of course she is also there, i was so surprised and i could see her eyeing us the whole night, so when she came over i was anxious af (2/4) and this guy knew i was bi! it was no secret, i worked really hard to accept myself! so she comes over and she deadass goes “are you straight now? i knew you would end up with a man!” and she’s all smug but also hurt and im standing there like what the fuck and THEN this dumb man goes “ha guess the sex is so good i made her straight again” and i’m literally about to cry over how gross the whole interaction is and im so shocked i can’t even defend myself, i dumped him that night obviously (3/) last messgae: so basically can you pls do a redo of the gross situation where instead of being with that dumb guy its with calum and he is so protective n sweet n NORMAL n encourages u to stand up for urself about bisexuality / your sexuality, because what happened to me happens too often and its disgusting and gross and no one deserves that!! only if u feel comfortable/inspired tho, no pressure!! love u laura, thank u for creating such a safe space for all the queer babies it means a lot 💘 notes: i kinda enjoyed writing this one esp for my sweet anon baby. i love u and i hope this is everything you wanted ♥  warnings: biphobia, implications of emotional abuse

word count: 3.2k

donate to my ko-fi here

-

“Hey what’cha doing sweets?” Calum’s voice pulled you from your musings, your hand idly tracing patterns against the paper but the pen remaining on the desk. You wrenched your thoughts from the spiral you seemed to have fallen down, a smile crossing your lips as you felt your heart flutter at the sight of him.

“Nothin’. Just thinking.” You finally replied as he pulled up one of the spare chairs next to you, the bustling activity of the coffee shop falling into your background noise as his thigh pressed against yours.

“Really? Normally you doodle when you’re just thinking.” He countered with ease and your eyes dropped to the paper, noticing that the pen remained where you’d placed it when you first sat down. Subconsciously you must’ve realised that the route your thoughts had gone were not suitable to put down on paper, your fingers picking up the pen and mind falling blank immediately.

“Oh.” You breathed before placing the pen back down and packing away the pad and pen.

“What’s running through your head, doll?” Calum’s voice was quiet and concerned, you shrugged.

“Just, a lot on my mind is all. You’re not my keeper just because we’ve slept together.” You admitted quietly and he frowned before picking up his bag and for a sinking second you thought he was going to walk off, but instead, he took your bag from your hands and slung it over his shoulder. 

He looked back at you expectantly and you sighed before standing up, leaving the coffee shop with him, your eyes on the floor as you fell into step next to him.

“Your place or mine?”

“E’s gonna be home and I don’t want to hear them rant about me bringing people back.” You muttered and Calum nodded. 

“I think Ash is out. He’ll probably head out to Luke’s if I show up with you.” At his smirk, you rolled your eyes fondly before shoving him towards the bus stop. His indignant “hey!” was only ignored as you two waited for the bus, his arm slung over your shoulders.

Selfishly, you leaned into his touch, trying to ignore the fact that your stomach was doing flips at his touch alone. 

The bus journey was a quiet ten minutes, but Calum seemed to understand that you weren’t willing to talk with so many people around, so he was content to just keep you close, and you were unwilling to pull away until his stop came up.

When you reached his shared house with Ashton, you noted that the car was gone from the driveway and Calum smirked.

“Looks like he’s out. C’mon.” His hand tucked around yours and pulled you inside. And for a second you wondered if you could distract him with sex, but then the guilt appeared and you could feel the tears of frustration appear as your thoughts swirled and you felt dizzy.

Calum had stepped ahead, turning to see you stood leaning against the closed door, head in your hands and he knew something was wrong. Stepping back to you, he dropped your bags and took your hand in his, pulling you upstairs to his room and your stomach twisted uncomfortably.

“Cal I-”

“I’m not suggesting that.” He muttered. You fell silent at that and as he pulled you into his room, you felt unsure, but he gave you no chance to really deny him as he crawled into bed before opening his arms out to you.

“Cal.”

“I know you. You don’t do emotional stuff well but I’m here for a cuddle and an ear if you need it.” You fell into the embrace easily, your head resting on his chest as his arms wrapped around your shoulders, his lips finding your temple as you finally felt something in you snap, the surge of emotions overwhelming and frighteningly vivid. 

“I keep telling myself that I never was a lesbian, that I still found men attractive but Poppy made me feel like having that attraction was stupid since I was dating her and that I was a lesbian and it’s so fucking confusing because I like you, but I can hear her voice screeching that I’m not right, that I’m a lesbian or faking it or a freak.” And for the first time since you left Poppy, you cried.

Calum had been waiting for this. When the split had happened, you’d been ready for it, you’d already left her mentally, but this was what he knew you needed. He knew that the relationship with her had been toxic, but you’d never revealed the extent of her behaviour. 

His heart broke.

“Just because you like both men and women does not mean you should feel so guilty over your sexuality. There’s a B in LGBT for a reason, doll. That’s you. You’re bisexual and you should be proud of that, not ashamed because some bitch with a control issue couldn’t handle the fact that you liked more than women.” 

You found yourself gripping his shirt with your fists as you pressed your face into his chest, trying to stem the tears that seemed relentless. But Calum held his silence whilst you got it out of your system, knowing that you needed to get this off your chest. 

“I’m sorry.” You finally got out, but he simply shushed you. 

“She was a shitty person with an attitude to show. You shouldn’t apologise for the bitch.” His words were simple but it gave you a breath of ease, pulling away as hands rubbed your shoulders gently. 

He was definitely too good to you, but he was there for you regardless and you were certain that you loved him for that.

“There’s gonna be a party on the other side of town in a couple of weeks. Ash took over the old Firefly down on Hartley. He’s revamping before opening the bar to the public. You fancy going?” And you smiled at the gentle distraction he was offering. 

“We get at least a free drink if we show up, right?” And Calum laughed as he kissed your temple. 

“He wouldn’t say no to me. Or you. In fact, I’m almost certain he’s expecting me to do full introductions on that night since Luke and Mike will be there with the others and their girls.” You rolled your eyes. 

“It’s not like I went to school with Luke or anything.” Came your sarcastic retort and Calum laughed as the two of you settled for the evening. 

“Pretty sure Luke last saw you when you started dating Poppy. He’s put two and two together but he won’t say anything unless you mention it. Even then he knows it’s not his place.” Your heart seemed to swell another size in affection for Luke. 

“You’re making it difficult for me to not fall in love with you Cal. Good dick, you know how to use those lips and fingers of yours, you make me feel like I belong and you respect boundaries without me having to ask.” You finally muttered and Calum gave you an almost wistful smile. 

“You may have been with Poppy but that didn’t stop me from being friends with you. You’re someone I’ve genuinely cared about from day one. Not gonna chuck that away because of who you are. Plus growing up with my mom and sister almost made certain I’d be in touch with my feminine side.” He teased but the sincerity and understanding in his tone eased your shoulders. 

Your features softened at the admittance and you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Then I definitely got lucky to have you in my life at least, falling in love or not.”

—

When the day of the party rolled around, you felt sick with nerves and you couldn’t understand why. 

When Calum rolled up to pick you up—he was driving to Luke’s who lived closest to the bar and you’d both get a ride back to yours before he picked up his car the following morning—he could see the nerves and the grimace on his face spoke volumes. 

“What?” You all but demanded when you were debating outfits. He’d been sitting on the bed watching, but got up and held his hands out to you. 

You took them hesitantly. His thumbs almost immediately started to soothe across the back of your hands to help relax you. 

“Word has gotten around that Poppy is planning to show up. We haven’t exactly been quiet about our relationship, but I didn’t think she’d pull something like this.” And your stomach churned uncomfortably. 

“We’re still going. Ashton promised free drinks and we’ll be in the VIP area right?” You checked and Calum nodded.

“Ashton has already told the bouncers that she’s not allowed near the VIP section. They’re checking and rechecking the lists to make sure she isn’t on one of them.” He explained and you let out a breath of air. 

“Okay. It’ll be fine. It’s being handled and I’ve got you. Now which outfit do you think I should wear?” He studied your face for a second before a smile broke across his lips. 

“The dark purple with the deep plunge. Is it wrong of me to flaunt in her face what she lost?” And you laughed as you kissed him. 

“I mean, yes. But I also know that you want to show me off properly now that we’ve got things really settled.” You murmured and he grinned back unabashedly. 

It was still an uphill battle, but he’d given you a lot to think about. And after gentle convincing, you’d found an LGBT friendly therapist who helped you process your thoughts. It helped you come to terms with accepting the toxic relationship that you’d been in but also it highlighted how beneficial Calum had been as a friend and confidant. 

It also gave you the courage to ask Calum out officially, wanting to be with him entirely and not just in the evenings. 

He took that in his stride and things shifted once more between the two of you. When you opened up to him about some of your sessions, you knew that your trust had been well placed because he never indicated anything to his friends and so you were never subjected to pitying stares or glares. 

You were almost sure that you’d fall in love with him faster than you fell for Poppy. 

The drive to Luke’s was filled with your nerves. You hadn’t seen Luke in years and you were also meeting his two other friends, Ashton and Michael as well as their partners. 

“Ashton’s excited to finally meet you and stop telling me to be careful when I go to yours.” 

Despite Calum living with Ashton, your schedules never seemed to match and more often than not, Calum could be found at your place, a small sanctuary from your hectic lives. 

Ashton never begrudged that time you shared together, but Calum had mentioned a few times about how snappy he was being on the subject. 

“He’ll chill when he realises I’m not out to break your heart or steal something.” You muttered with a chuckle. Calum snorted in return as he pulled into Luke’s driveway. 

Your nerves return full force as he pulls you to the front door and steps in like he lives there. 

“Hey fuckers, anyone about?” He called through and was met with calls of confirmation, another yell following that they were in the dining room. Your fingers squeezed Calum’s tightly and he didn’t hesitate to return it, his thumb soothing across the skin on the back of your hand.

“Look who it is!” A voice crowed loudly as he stepped into the dining room, followed by loud calls of greetings. 

There was a flurry of introductions and you felt like the spotlight was being shone on you, under scrutiny from his best friends gazes once they had greeted their friend and Calum had introduced you. Or re-introduced you in Luke’s case.

“Well c’mon, the last time I saw you we were leaving school. What’s been happening to you?” Luke finally asked, indicating to the seat next to him. A small smile graced your lips as you sat down, Calum falling into the seat next to you as you shrugged. 

“Life I guess? It’s been definitely more interesting with the different jobs and moving about. Building up a social life again.” Luke’s face filled with a frown at that. 

Michael came in next. 

“Building up a social life? Did you not have one?” His words held an innocent curiosity, yet you felt yourself hesitate. 

“My ex was controlling to the point that I couldn’t do anything without their permission. They managed to make me believe that no one really wanted me around and I lost touch with old friends, like Luke.” You glanced to the side and he was frowning. 

The others held varying degrees of stunned shock or disapproval. 

“Well then he was a cunt.” Michael muttered and your eyes refused to meet theirs at the assumptions. Luke stayed quiet but his hand rested on your knee, squeezing it. You shot him a gentle smile in return.

“Well it’ll be good to have you back in our lives. Especially with these two knuckleheads.” He nodded at Ashton and Michael who immediately protested and you laughed. 

It felt like you’d known them for years as you all had a few shots. Ashton, despite being the owner of the bar, wasn’t worried about turning up with his friends. He’d already explained to his staff that he’d be around for the rest of the night once he arrived and he’d told the small groups he’d be here and there. 

After a handful of shots, the group of you made your way to the bar, your arm linked with Calum’s. There were separate conversations happening between you all, their girlfriends including you on their pamper night whilst the boys discussed a possible games night for all of you. 

When you arrived at the club, you saw the queue of people waiting to get in and the subsequent groans from the line as the bouncer let you in, no questions asked. 

Ashton guided the group of you to the VIP section and the music was still loud but you could still hear each other talking. You were chatting away with Luke’s girlfriend, arm still linked with Calum’s as Ashton disappeared to get drinks. 

Calum pulled your attention away briefly, his lips by your ear. 

“I’ve spotted her. She’s not seen us yet so don’t worry.” You barely nodded, acknowledging his words as you listened in, fighting to keep your nerves down. 

The night continued and you were all a few drinks deep. Calum’s arm had barely left your waist all night as you talked and danced and drank. You’d been welcomed into his group of friends with an ease you never realised existed. 

You’d deliberately not tried to seek out Poppy, silently praying that the universe would comply. But as the group of you stood out in the smokers area, huddled together under a heating lamp, your stomach sank as she stepped out, her eyes narrowing on you. 

“Fuckin’ knew it!” You could feel the alarm in your face as you stepped back into Calum, his arm going around you protectively. 

“Poppy, you’re drunk.” You felt curious gazes from your new friends, but you didn’t spare them a glance.

“You break up with me and go running to his arms, I knew you weren’t a fuckin lesbian. Pretending to try it out? Just another straight girl seeking attention. Fucking freak.” She snapped and your stomach sank. 

“Get it through your thick head that she’s bisexual.” Calum snapped in your defence, earning a glare from Poppy. But Calum didn’t shrink from the glare, your glance to his face confirmed he was giving her his own. You were mildly impressed that she didn’t back down instantly. 

“She’s a fuckin liar! Years of my life wasted on this bitch.” She spat at your feet and you took in a deep breath. 

“You don’t get to control me anymore, Poppy. I’ve liked both men and women, but you never liked that because it meant that I had more chances of leaving you. And I wished I’d have left you sooner. Calum certainly thought so.” 

“Of course you fucked the first man to pay you any attention.” Your heart sank once more at her declaration and you felt your mind fall into the old trap that you’d fought with for so long. 

“No she never. In fact she slept with a few girls long before she slept with me. But I was her best friend as she tried to deal with the mess you created in her mind.” Calum snapped back. You felt your heart swell for him. 

Poppy stepped forward, her hand raised but then Ashton stepped in front of you. 

“Get out. You’re no longer welcome in this bar.” He made a gesture and security slowly made their way over. 

“She shouldn’t be fucking welcome!” Poppy yelled back, but Ashton held firm. 

“She is my friend. You are not. Get. Out.” When the bouncer rested a hand on her arm, she shrugged it off and stormed away. Your entire body was trembling.

“So that was the ex, huh?” Michael commented and you could feel your hands trembling as you nodded. “Why didn’t you correct me?” Calum spoke up for you as his hands took yours. 

“It’s been a battle for her. Poppy had convinced her she was a lesbian, that she was wrong for having any attraction to men. In Poppy’s world, either your gay, lesbian or straight. Being bisexual isn’t acceptable in her eyes.” Calum’s arms wrapped around you and you stood there, holding onto him for dear life. 

“Well that makes two of us then.” Michael’s casual comment had your knees go weak and you let out a weak laugh. 

“Thank you Ash.” You finally murmured when you pulled away from Calum. Ashton didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in a warm hug that was both comforting and reassuring. 

“Hey, you’ve been the best thing for my best mate. And you were friends with Luke once before. I’ve definitely got your back. And I get why you didn’t say anything and don’t hold that against you.” He muttered and you breathed a sigh of relief before returning to Calum’s embrace. 

“More drinks or are we gonna go back to Luke’s?” And you shook your head. 

“Let’s stay. I’m not gonna let her ruin it,” you leaned forwards so your lips were by his ear as the others went inside, “also I want to see if we can christen the bar in one of the toilets.” You breathed. Calum groaned as his grip around you got tighter and he pulled you in for a kiss that promised more. 

“Oh you’re so fucked sweetheart. Especially since I know where the individual lips are and they aren’t attended by anyone.” You held back a moan at that thought before pulling away, your hand in his. 

“Dance first?” And the innocence in your tone made him laugh as he followed behind you willingly. 

“Menace.” The term was laced with affection as he caught up to you, kissing the spot just below your ear. 

You simply grinned in return as you pulled him onto the dance floor, Poppy long forgotten as he danced with you. 

-

@sexgodashton, @goth5sos, @calumsmermaid, @empathycth, @wildflowergrae, @calpops, @rosecolouredash, @cal-puddies, @clockwork124, @loveroflrh, @stellar5sosrecs, @ashtoniwir, @cthla, @liketheydidwithyou, @sc0ttish-wildfl0wer​, @bluehairedtracii, @drummerboy794, @feliznavidaddycal, @i-calumhood, @wokeupinjapanisabop, @converse-luke, @madbomb, @ccnicole02, @youngblood199456, @aulxna, @megz1985, @lukesidentitycrisis, @snapback-irwie, @neonweeknds, @666yourwitchyfriend666, @gamerboymike, @cashtonasfuck, @ashtaway, @conquerwhatliesahead92, @itjustkindahappenedreally, @twoamhood, @kchillout, @damselindistressanu, @colormekaykay, @findingliam-o, @sublimehood, @sugarcoated-pain, @singt0mecalum, @singledadharrington​, @calumspeachy​, @colourfulcalum​, @lostincalum​, @burncrashbromance​, @asht0ns-world​, @a-mnd, @flusteredcliffo​, @loti18​, @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave​, @clumclum-hood​, @fangirl-everythang​, @lashtondaddies​, @calumssunshine​, @ambskiwi​, @abundant-stars​, @caltattoohood, @seedless-vascular, @myescapefromthislife​, @lmao5sosimagines​, @beyoncesdragon​, @jae-writes-fanfiction​, @cxddlyash​, @tresfandom​, @utterly-u-n-p-e-r-f-e-c-t​, @niallisworld​, @lietomevalntyn​, @babylon-corgis​, @monochrome44​, @behind-my-hazeleyes27​, @ghost0fy0u​, @lyllibug​, @bloodmoonashton​, @balsamic-cal, @calumsbaldhead​, @washedout-ky, @calumssunshinee​, @ghostofmashton​, @summerellaz​, @a-little-less-sixteen​, @cashworthy​, @smokeinherlungs​, @longlastingdaydream​, @h0tsos​, @sweetcherrymike​, @5sosnsfw​, @sugar-nico​, @sunnysideblog, @angel-cal​, @samros95​, @maluminspace​, @lukeinblue​, @cakesunflower​, @allamerican-betch​,  @britnicole11​, @gigglyirwin​, @everyscarisahealingplace, @loverofcashton​, @iovehemmings​, @g-l-pierce​, @jannimoeller3​, @wildmichaelflower​, @lukeskisses​, @5sossstan​, @youngbloodchild​, @alloutofcashton​, @tobefalling​, @abb-lan-5sos​, @calumsbub​, @flameraine​, @here-for-the-uproars​, @mateisit-balsamic​, @ilovelukey​, @sarahshepherdblog​

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 43

[Date: 23/02, 04.05 PM - 05.01 PM GMT]

fetch: “oh hey guys I’m not dead or brainwashed from last night lol”

fetch: “yeah like??? I read back on the muted chat and I legit don’t remember that happening

all I did yesterday was nap and play bugsnax”

jaynoblade: “fetch... you made a tumblr post about it

give me a second, i’ll show you”

fetch: “no CROWN made a post from my account. I was it already”

jaynoblade: “oh... that explains the red”

boo: “pardon, crown has access to your account?”

fetch: “I saw that I also sent baron an ask but I don’t remember that either

look I don’t know if he does or not

I mean he obviously did for I thin a little bit? maybe I should change my password”

jaynoblade: “that might be a good idea”

fetch: “if it makes yall feel any better mona is off work today and last night she said she'd be keeping an eye on me

I get yall were worried about me but take it easy on her she literally could not leave her job lmao

I dont think Walmart is gonna take "my friend is about to get brainwashed by an enderman thing" as an emergency leave excyse”

fetch: “And yeah just. be careful calling her king, that sounds way too close to a court member. if you're gonna refer to her like that, spell it like k1ng”

fetch: “so like! i'm not dead that's good! :]

i don't know what weird game crown was playing with me last night”

jaynoblade: “crown's always playing games with all of us, so an extra one comes at no surprise”

fetch: “man I was having such a good time jamming to tunes too

server admins work hard but groovy bot works even harder/j”

fetch: “anyway sorry if yall saw my half-asleep ramblings in the doc, I'm trying to form some sort of chronological order of events”

jaynoblade: “that's valid! sometimes it's hard to remember things”

fetch: “anyway i. i had a little bit of a thought yesterday. yknow before the whole delerious screaming because of a music box song thing. but its a pretty far stretch so I don't know if it'll help if I toss this into the ring”

jaynoblade: “oh?”

fetch: “i was thinking. the dreamsmp loves their greek myths right? the whole theseus thing, pandoras vault, etc etc right. i think crown and this court is sort of like the hydra”

fetch: “i fell out of control (a head gets cut off) and chat and page are still up there (two grow back in its place)"

fetch: “ what if we try to release someone else from control, but that just gets more people hurt"

[boo: “we gotta burn the cut head yeah?" ]

boo: “ that's how the hydra was defeated"

fetch: “i always thought he pierced the heart? killed the whole beast rather than just one head

thats where I was going with this metaphor anyway

that crown is the heart of the hydra”

boo: “ huh you're right, i just thought that lessening the heads would help w getting to the heart"

jaynoblade: “he burned each of the heads until it was reduced to one, and then either stabbed it in the heart or cut off the final head (which was immortal, and which killed the body) and buried it under a rock. myths don't agree"

boo: “yeah"

jaynoblade: “but yeah, lessening the heads would definitely help with getting to the heart”

fetch: “oh ok"

jaynoblade: “ or the final head, whichever version"

boo: “i don't know how we'd burn it though”

fetch: “maybe something to do with the crowns?"

jaynoblade: “ i don't know either

hmmm maybe”

fetch: “crown is very insistent that they keep their circlets on

odd that I didn't have mine- er, knight's when I woke up in the woods”

jaynoblade: “ ....so do you think that you took it off, and that's why you woke up?"

Denora: “Hmmmm, maybe it got snagged on a branch? It might've been unintentional...”

fetch: “if it's really that simple, I think prince would have done it already. you remember that whole "doesn't want to be in the family" thing at the start of all this?"

disks and the color red |Stars: “maybe someone took it off for you"

fetch: “I dont know. on one hand, crown seems very confused that i got free. on the other, I don't think he'd be so careless with something so important.

i dont think they just "come off"

regardless, im also worried for maxwell. he's still just as under crowns control as is was. only difference is he hasn't come around

and the fact that he did it because i got taken.”

jaynoblade: “he did, once. it was only for a few minutes, but we had him back

and then he was gone again"

fetch: “...so he's still in there

its not too late

that. makes me feel a little better.

look maxwell may have been a bit of a prick who kept antagonizing crown even after we asked him to stop but he was still one of us and he shouldn't be working with crown. the last thing maxwell would want is to give the "pissbaby" (his words not mine) more power"

jaynoblade: “not sure about the other court members, but.... they've been there for much longer, and we haven't had as long with them”

fetch: “there might be time to save the other court members too. even prince. baron seems the least of concern for now since he's went to crown and actually confronted him multiple times now with seemingly no consequence.

and when I say confront I really mean its like 2 or 3 times not he's said that he was gonna ask crown something”

jaynoblade: “yeah definitely

but then again.... crown’s had him even longer than prince”

fetch: “despite that he seems pretty low on the food chain...”

jaynoblade: “he really does, and there’s probably a reason for that

maybe he’s overall harder to control or something like that”

fetch: “probably

maybe he's the "you're not my real dad you can't tell me what to do" type”

fetch: “or maybe. hm.

maybe he's leaving baron alone to make prince happy

they are best friends after all”

jaynoblade: “....that could be completely possible”

fetch: “if prince sees crown hurting baron that would be a mega fuck up on crowns part”

fetch: because they're loyal to crown but childhood friendships run deep

boo: or maybe baron's just not that big of a risk

fetch: yeah maybe that too

also during my reading back I saw what jayyy and a couple others were planning. not a fuckin fan at all if you ask me”

fetch: “trying to "summon" crown or sacrifice yourself for him is in no way shape or form a good idea

just because I broke control doesn't mean everybody can”

fetch: “and if you just flat out say "if I get yoinked feel free to use me for information" then thats just? not going to make crown take you if he knows you're gonna do that?

or at the very least he's gonna keep you in the dark

he isn't stupid. he knows where information is supposed to be.”

fetch: “and- let me reiterate- getting taken is NOT FUN. it isn't something you can just make weekend plans for and act like you or anyone else won't be affected once you're done with your little "experiments"”

[People continue to discuss how fetch might have gotten free and to k1ng’s house for a few minutes more.]

[inkykeiji]

HELLO CLARII BBY!

⚡ ANON HERE~

i hope you are doing good mentally physically and emotionally if not remember its okay to feel down sometimes we all have our moments but what matters is that we stand back again and be better than before♡

SO I WAS JUST READING THROUGH THE ASKS and i found out you too love rain and winter🥺ahhh that made me really happy cause almost eveyone around me prefer summer cause its viewed as happy and fun time i get it too lile ice creams beach people but i dont exactly vibe with it

but when it comes to rainy time especially winter.. smth is just so beautiful idk wether its the comforting silence or my love for cold as i literally prefer everything cold like my drink my food my water temperature or wtv it is! it should be cold snth about it just calms me down

or maybe its the fact its during my birthday time 27th dec perfect time for birthday for me i just loveee the Christmas decorations the lights the fairy feeling end of the year all that are just sappy feelings just makes me feel like im exploding with emotions in a good way

one of the reasons my snowman and me series is so dear and so close to my heart

when it comes to rain.. the whole mood is just so comforting i can pour out all my feelings and my place if covered in plants and trees like its just so beautifully green after the rain.. god is it the most spectacular view and the weather right in the middle after it rained and before the sun starts to shine... the perfect. i just love it so much i will always make sure i get drenched cause i love dancing in the rain no matter what if it rains you can see me outside :>

plus points if it has thunders and lightnings cause they are just so beautiful.

ANYWAYS THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG

( IM SO SORRYY😭 )

BUT I JUST WANTED TO EXPRESS MYSELF CAUSE YOU JUST COMFORT ME SO MUCH AND YOU'RE JUST STRAIGHT UP ADORABLE 🥺

stay safe drink lots of water and remember if you ever feel like you are alone I'm right here♡

HEHEHE aw lightning bb <33

you're so precious!!!! i'm feeling a little weird today; last night i was suffering from sensory overload rly bad but today i just feel really jittery n anxious :( but!!! i have asks queued for today which always makes me feel better and makes me feel productive!! <33

yes!!! i actually hate summer so much LMAO >.< it usually makes me feel even more depressed, which is hilarious ahaha but i've felt that way since i was about 13ish??? i also hate being hot (like it makes me ANGRY) and i absolutely despise sweating, so summer and i don't often get along well </3

i agree with you!!! i love the cold (and cold food/drinks, too!!!) and i too find something insanely comforting about the rain and the snow; i find it very cozy <3 i dunno, it's quite hard to explain!!! i think, for me, there's also a personal element to it as my happiest memories as a child seem to all be in the winter/around christmas, and now i just automatically associate summer with all of the bad experiences i've had lmao

AHHHHHHH LIL LIGHTNING BOLT LISTEN I LOVE CHRISTMAS LIKE I LOVE CHRISTMAS SO SO SOOOOO MUCH!!!! i also really love halloween, but if i absolutely had to choose one favourite, it would be christmas <3

ah see i have a very complicated relationship with my birthday, which thankfully is not in winter hehe <33 but i can understand where you're coming from!!!

i love the smell of rain, and i love the sound of it against windows and roofs when it's really pouring hehe <33 i like to describe it in my writing a lot and i am possibly writing a lil something with rain in it right now 🙊 hehe <3

AH MY PRECIOUS LIL LIGHTNING BOLT i love you so very much, you comfort me as well bb <333 it's very very nice to know that you are here for me and that i am here for you!!!! <3 i hope you have a lovely weekend sweetpea <3

ps. it seems that i picked the right emoji for u, huh!!!! lightning bolt is very fitting <33

[oookaline]

Miss You - Lyric Analysis

by me because im bored.

yet again because whats more fun than going over lyrics for the 2736843th time? Absolutely nothing! and if you thought of something, you're lying to youself

So, miss you was a song released in the 8th of December 2017.

Some backstory before.

ObViOusLy, the whole babygate thing, add a lil cherry on top with the Elk split up (23rd march 2015 - 2 weeks prior) and them getting back toguether in 2017 (17 Feb). All of this aswell as Danielle and Brenda in the middle of it.

K with all the smol context under us we can already look around and see that just by the title 'Miss You' people had speculated it was for Eleanor, and since Louis said :

I wrote this song about a time in my life when I was going out partying every night. In hindsight throughout that time I was pretty numb and just going through the motions. Deep down it was always in the back of my mind that what I really missed was the girl that I loved

which obviously links the song to two occurences:

Babygate: 'was going out partying every night' (since we know for a fact he literally went partying every week)

The split up from Elk

but the thing is right- lmao Danielle just danielled away. No mention whatsoever.

This, all of this, and JUsT that quote that Louis gave us already destroyed like- half the narrative of 'Really good friends w an oops baby' and (obviously) just tarnishes yet again the 'engagement' route they were going to take. BUT IT ALSO leaves Danielle behind as if she didn't even exist!!

Which by the way things look, she might not've anygays.

The music video was made in LA

which again (If I could I would literally kiss louis brain) links it to Babygate.

Now the lyrics

verse 1:

"Is it my imagination?

Is it something that I’m taking?

All the smiles that I’m faking

“Everything is great

Everything is fucking great”"

Obviously we can literally hear the sarcasm on the last two lines. 'All the fake smiles' reffering to all the pap pics he did while the lead up to the Holy Conception. Aswell that him reffering to the scene as 'imagination' or 'something that he's taking' could emphasize that its so bad, so unreal that he thinks its a joke and that he's either too drunk or thinking it.

Going out every weekend

Staring at the stars on the ceiling

Hollywood friends, gotta see them

Such a good time

I believe it this time

Again, him reffering to him being papped every week on a club with the first line, the 'stars on the' ceiling reffering to the lights in night clubs, 'Holywood Friends' reffering to Annas, and specially reffering to Snoop Dog and his launch party, which was when this picture happened:

pre chorus:

Tuesday night

Glazed over eyes

Just one more pint or five

Does it even matter anyway?

One of the fucking smartest lines in my opinion, him reffering to tuesday. Which is him reffering to the day the first article of him being out partying came out:

The next are him reffering to what always happened; drinking and feeling shit. 'does it even matter anyways' is his subcontious trying to tell him to give in and just do what they wanted him to do, saying that it doesn't even matter because either way the end will be shit (and bla bla bla, but again, its his subcontious. not him.)

chorus:

We’re dancing on tables

And I’m off my face

With all of my people

And it couldn’t get better they say

the first two lines are ofc reffering to the feeling of being drunk, 'dancing on tables' and 'of your face' are ohrases people use to refer to drunken states. The 'people' Louis is reffering to is his escorts; people paayed to carry out what is supposed to happen that night (bodyguards, pr managers, paps, in cases the girls aswell he appears papped with), and the line 'couldn't get better they say' has both the connotation of this being the LA dream, of always partying, knocking chicks up, drinking to your hearts desire- aswell as having the connotation of 'his people' telling him it will not get better, so don't try to oppose it. (which links back to the previous verse 'does it even matter anyway')

We’re singing 'til last call

And it’s all out of tune

Should be laughing, but there’s something wrong

And it hits me when the lights go on

Shit, maybe I miss you

'singing til last call' refers to how late he spent in the clubs and 'out of tune' suggest again the drunk state. 'Should be laughing but there's something wrong' is again, elluding to that LA dream partying state that should've been what he was feeling, since that's what the media said. The 'lights go on' is reffering to the paps, when they take pictures (and obviously the miss you is talking about eleanor because he'd much rather stunt with her than be here lmao ) And yes, the miss you is reffering to Harry.

There doesn't have to be a reason and obviously it could also be a stunt line in the song- but let me explain what I think: We can see Louis' state by the end of the paps shoots, how he slowly just becomes VERY tired towards the last few ones. And keep in mind he was also touring with 1D WHILE HE PARTIED. Which meant it was Show-Party-Show-Party with things thrown between it aswell. Giving close to little time to spend w Harry.

(Pretty sure that's not at all what happened, its just what I think- it was such a fucking busy thing, I'd not be surprised if they both were stressed and not having enough 1-1 time)

Verse 2:

Just like that and I’m sober

I’m asking myself, “Is it over?”

Maybe I was lying when I told you

“Everything is great

Everything is fucking great”

First line reffering to how in the morning, next day of partying, he was again sober- for the shows- and him asking 'is it over' refers to how he just wanted it to be over with, all the patying and paps.

The two last lines could signify him talking to someone about his life- I'd say that the 'you' here does not mean Harry- but someone else- them asking "How's your life going" and then him going "Great Great, yeah- fookin great ykwim"

something along the lines of that you get me.

And all of these thoughts and the feelings

Chase you down if you don’t need them

I’ve been checking my phone all evening

Such a good time

I believe it this time

the first and second lines here are again, Louis talking about his subcontious; that 'this will turn on us' reffering to him and Harry. About a (probable) fear that this will make a strain in their relationship and stuff.

(a/n: kind of like how a lot of shippers unlarried while babygate was happening because 'louis couldn't cheat' or how a lot of shippers say they broke up during that time because 'Harry couldn't take the stress' and stuff)

Im not saying they broke up not that he cheated. What I'm saying is that there was a fear that this would make them break up- he says 'chase you down' which has the animalification of the wolves chasing down the pray to kill them etc.

Bridge:

Now I’m asking my friends how to say “I’m sorry”

They say “Lad, give it time, there’s no need to worry”

And we can’t even be on the phone now

And I can’t even be with you alone now

the first line links to what I said about Louis' subconcious; this would be that constant need to say 'I am sorry' for something that isn't his fault or something that he can't control, and then the second line goes on to say that he doesn't have to worry because, again, its not his fault and Harry undertands that.

Now the 'We can't even be on the phone now, I can't even be with you alone now' refers to their public appearance, on how other than that Paris interview there are no other interviews with just them two, on how we didn't get a Larry hour on 1Dday... It refers to them literally being unable to say anything to each other because of management.

Oh, how shit changes

We were in love, now we’re strangers

I WANT TO ALIENATE THESE TWO LINES BECAUSE OF HOW FUCKING LOUT IT IS.

this one links ti the last two of the previous, again on their public image (His and Harry's) about how they were once in love (fetus) but now they're strangers (the mortal enemies narrative)

When I feel it coming up, I just throw it all away

Get another two shots 'cause it doesn’t matter anyway

And to top off these last two lines of the bridge is him linking all of this back to the start of the song: 'is it my imagination, is it something that I'm taking' with 'when I feel it coming up, I just throw it all away'; when the thoughts that this is all fake and once he wakes up or stop imagining its all going to be better (aswell as with the connotation of over partying and vomiting) but at the same time him making himself stop those thoughts because he knows this is reality. And then round back again with the repetition of 'doesn't matter anyways' with it feeling like a dead end to him.

[gerrydelano]

lonely depot ask dump! i’m also putting the old ones in here to keep it contained and in one place + say thank you as it’s due without spamming the situation any more. if you sent me an ask about it and i didn’t respond, it’s in here!

i’m trying to take it easy this weekend and not dwell on it, i’m gonna put my laptop away after i get this squared, i took a good painkiller and i’m super sleepy so pbthth gonna just. rest. because i sure didn’t sit yesterday at all at work.

some of the new ones i got a little tangential oops sorry jHBKNM i’m just! keeping this all in this post from now on, is all.

starting with old ones in chrono order:

anon: Hey, I'm sorry so much shit has happened and been done to you. That sucks. I hope things improve soon, but until then we're here and we dont mind listening. I'm glad ren is there to support you.

thanks, man, i'll be okay! sometimes you just gotta bitch about it all at once when you get reminded haha. i want to try oversharing less on here in the future, i'm just a little shocked at the job thing right this minute, but i'll figure it out! i'm glad ren is here, too; would definitely be very lost without them. i appreciate the kindness, thank you 🧡

anon: I’m really sorry if this is intruding but just. *virtual hugs*

no worries! hugging you back like we are football bros who just won a big game

anon: Fuck him up Ron

will do 💪🤪

anon: so like idk what's going on w your boss but fuck them honestly

oh yeah this isn't going to end quietly

anon: damn, what a complete asshole that guy is. All the best of luck in dealing with that situation 😔

thank you, i'll be fine! my mom is angry so you know what that means :'-)

if there is any time to pull the dragon lady trope regarding my own mother it is now because Yeah. i can at least trust her to be thorough and so very angry and Not let it lie.

anon: Fuck 👏🏻 him 👏🏻 up 👏🏻 Ron! 👏🏻

i wish i hadn't asked him to clarify because it gave him a chance to cover his behind but mike even said it read to him as me being fired before we even spoke, so. when we talk on monday that'll be fun!!!! it's my mom he has to worry about LOL

AND NOW NEW ASKS

anon: Cheers dude rant all you want, fuck ya boss, hope it works out for you - also report that shit, depending on where ya at it can all be anonymous - Im so drunk btw please ignore me if you want 🥰 have a good dayy

this is so cute pbthhth thank you, it’s gonna be okay! one way or another. i don’t think i can do anything anonymously at this point here but i’m not handling this alone and something is going to get done at least, i’m sure. i hope you had a good night + are feeling okay today!

anon: i definitely understand how u feel. as a disabled person it really feels like jobs and school are just not made for us. i hope ur able to do something abt ur awful boss and im so sorry ur going through all this

yeah, you’re right, they’re not made for us. they’re made for abled people who can fit the capitalist mold better without as much “complaint” or effort. they literally were trying to act like i had to disclose my whole ass disability from the time of hiring like. 

no? you realize that’s literally Not my obligation, specifically Because people will discriminate against that and find an excuse not to hire disabled people at all? i Shouldn’t do that? and yet tbh i did anyway? to be candid about my capabilities???? and? hello?

it’s all rigged it’s all jammed it’s all on purpose they have Practice bulldozing people they do it all the time they strategically word things and go to further lengths to silence and rob us than they would even have to in order to just make the workplace accessible it’s Literally Evil. 

i’m sorry you’ve clearly faced this kind of thing, too, and i hope that you’re doing better/find better opportunities that treat you the way you deserve to be treated. 

i’ll be fine! i think we’ll be able to do something, even if it’s just... getting to give him a piece of my mind lmao hearing my mom yell at him would be just dandy. telling him he’s a manipulative, lying c*cksleeve would be very satisfying but i’d wait till i had No Tie to the place first lmao.

anon: <3 I'm sorry your dealing with all this shit, *fuck* your boss and the gm and all this shit, best of luck on throwing them to the wolves like they deserve

<3 it’ll turn out alright somehow! but yeah honestly FUCK them both tbh i have no words at this point? not even anger, just. it’s a hell of a betrayal to be spoken about the way he wrote about me in that e-mail and i’m shocked he would turn on me so fast, and for nothing. 

my mom has said some choice shit on fb messenger and it’s so funny like she wanted to fucking vague him (because he’s friends with us both on fb!!!! LOL) and literally make posts about going to the dept of labour and whatever and I had to tell her NO jhbKJNKJn but it’s like, just nice to see she has anger on my behalf ig. like

“Don't worry, we will go to EVERY agency necessary to fuck them up or close them down.  I told [my sister].... she wants to go there.  Even [boyfriend] said they are fucked up.” 

my boss told me once that “some snobby girl” came in and was SO nasty to him when she was looking for me and i wasn’t there so she THREW a pile of coupons on the counter and stormed out and i’m like. what. that’s my sister? and i asked her about it and she was horrified like... that’s not how she behaves in fucking public. like. he’s a chronic liar even when it’s so pointless! there’s no need to lie!!!! about that! about my family? you don’t even know her? hello?

this is my fave tho from my mom’s one DM i have to share this it’s so fucking funnyjhbgfrkfnkenf

like... i dunno! i feel safe with people on my side for probably the first time in my life, enough that i can have a laugh about what’s going on. so i’m really okay. and i trust my mom to help me do something about it, so fingers crossed that the wolves eat pretty fucking well come next week lol.

again - pasting this from another deleted post - thank you guys for tolerating all those posts. i know that isn't what anyone is here for and i'll clean it up later/tomorrow, but the advice i've gotten has helped me immensely so i appreciate the opportunity to talk about it and figure out my next move with some help. i really can't do this kind of thing alone considering my history and health so like. it does mean a lot to get some perspective.

i’m leaving the bigger posts i made about it up (but putting under cuts too, to keep them small) just to preserve the timestamps for when i made them and any advice i might’ve received in the replies. archiving, etc.

so! i’m not going to let it go in terms of giving up, but i’m also not going to waste my weekend stressing over it. just gonna wait until monday to see what happens when we talk and go from there. because unlike this clown, i actually have some self control and keep my word! who knew how easy it was to just do that.

EDIT 8/24/2020:

anon:  *hugs* what's happening to you is fucked up dude, you are absolutely valid in feeling the way you do, I hope your IRL friends with more legal knowledge give you the advice you need. Know that your internet fans are cheering you on!

thanks! i actually have no IRL friends save for ren who moved up here to live with me after a long internet friendship so i'm relying pretty much solely on internet pals and my mom kdjdkdjd the call did not go well because HR was actually like more or less nice (though she did say "i can promise you this is not a discriminatory company we always want to help" which was hilarious and so i had to say oh yeah i believe you, but these two chucklefucks don't seem to feel the same way about upholding those policies.) and so i might get screwed into quitting because she might actually try to get me the accommodation, even though now the issue is less me begging for that and more me reporting them for this treatment.

now i'm being asked to call HR again hm!

update: it went well enough that she told me to stay home for the week and she’s going to pay me for it so that’s very nice but who knows what’ll happen now. gonna end up consolidating all my posts and replies into one of the previous posts just to keep it all there i guess!

[peculiaritybending]

do you mind sharing any thoughts/ideas on wolfstar? i love the concept of it but the general characterization is soooo bad lmao. im desperate for content where they actual somewhat resemble their real personalities.

GOD SAME! It’s literally so hard to find anything in character which sucks because I love them so much.

Okay so basically I’mma write some headcanons because I can

They both struggle with nightmares and insomnia a little (Remus more than Sirius) and they both tended to help calm the other down after a nightmare when awake and unable to sleep and that was the first thing that made them feel closer with each other than with James and Peter.

They always felt like their relationship was just different and deeper than just friends but didn’t know what it was for years (you know because like heteronormativity since they were kids/teens in the 70’s)

Remus realised it before Sirius and he just tried to suppress and ignore it as much as possible.

When Sirius realised he had feelings for Remus he dealt with it differently, he wasn’t the type to suppress things like that. He started making an effort to be around Remus more and more but tried his hardest to make it seem as casual he possibly could.

One day, the four of them were walking back from gallivanting in Hogsmeade, Peter and James were mucking about and laughing while Remus and Sirius were walking in silence. Sirius was exhausted from not sleeping well that night and without thinking, just grabbed hold of Remus’ hand. Remus went bright red but didn’t say anything or pull away, to Siruis’ surprise. They held hands all the way back without saying a word.

That moment fucked with Remus’ head and he pretty much thought about it the rest of the night. While everyone was asleep he was up lying awake pondering what it possibly could have meant.

About a month later Siruis came out to the three of them, very awkwardly yet also maintaining his false sense of confidence and ease. I mean, if they were alright with Moony being a werewolf they definitely wouldn’t mind the fact that he liked boys not girls right?

He was right. They were all supportive and swore not to tell anyone, they had come quite accustomed to keeping secrets by then.

though he noticed Remus looked a bit shocked and was avoiding making eye contact with him the whole time which confused him a little. Siruis knew that Remus of all people didn’t judge others for things they can’t control and basically let his friends get away with almost anything so why did he look so freaked out?

This fucked with Siruis’ head and he was the one unable to sleep because of a certain boy’s actions towards him that night

Remus wished he had the confidence to come out to his friends I mean what would they care? He knew for certain they wouldn’t mind but the thing is it was different for him, he knew he liked girls. He knew he liked boys. What the fuck did that mean? Great, another thing that made him feel like a freak, just what he needs.

After a while, Remus couldn’t take it anymore, he had to somehow figure out what he was feeling and there was no book he could read this time so he decided to ask the only person who he thought might possibly have the answer. However, that was easier said than done since that same person was who he was pining after.

One night, while everyone was asleep the two boys sat in the common room like they did occasionally when neither of them could sleep.

Remus was sitting in an armchair reading some book he wasn’t paying attention to while Siruis was lying on his stomach by the fire, making things levitate and staring into the flames.

“Siruis, can I ask you something?” Remus said, breaking the silence, his heart pounding.

“Ask away, Moony,” Siruis responded looking up from the fire.

“Do you um” Remus looked down at his hands, nervously, refusing to make eye contact. “Do you think it’s possible for someone to uh- to like both girls and boys?”

Siruis thought for a second, “I guess so, never really thought about it but yeah.”

“You don’t think it’s you know weird or anthing?” Remus asked

“I think being able to turn into a dog at will is normal so what do you think?” Siruis responds. Remus laughs nervously.

“Why’d you ask?”

“Uh.” Remus paused for a while “I think I like boys and girls,” he mutters.

“Oh,” says Siruis calmly but inside he was screaming. “How did you, you know like figure it out?” He asks.

“Oh uh-“ both of them were freaking the fuck out but trying their best to contain themselves at this point “Uh just some girls are cute and some boys are cute too I guess?” Remus replies extremely awkwardly.

“Oh yeah, makes sense,” Sirius says awkwardly. “Are you going to tell James and Peter?”

“I don’t know yet.”

The next few weeks are filled with a lot of awkward moments between the two.

The full moon rolls around and they all go down to the shrieking shack as usual and as usual it’s all a blur for Remus until he wakes up in the hospital wing the next morning. To his surprise he’s not alone with Madam Pomfrey this time, Peter and James are fast asleep on two chairs pulled up at the end of the bed accompanied by a third where Siruis is sitting wide awake.

“You got pretty scratched up this time so we didn’t want to leave you,” Siruis explains, getting up sitting on the bed facing him. “James was so close to threatening Madam Pomphrey in order to let us stay, I swear it looked like he was gonna kill her or something,” Siruis laughed.

Remus got up slowly, wincing a bit at the pain, his usual thoughts about how he didn’t deserve them racing around in his head, but god was he thankful.

“Are you alright Moony?”

“Yeah it’s just-thank you. All of you.”

“This uh-might not be the best time but about what we talked about a few weeks ago? Do you um still feel that way, you know about boys I mean?” Siruis asked hesitantly.

“Keep your voice down, Padfoot and yes I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it you idiot.” Remus replied, wondering what the fuck he was talking about.

“Okay cause um. Do you want to go to the Three Broomsticks with me this weekend?”

Remus just stared for a while in absolute shock. “You’re fucking joking right? Siruis if this is a dare or you lost a bet with James or something I’m gonna fucking kill you,” Remus responded.

“No-no it’s not-I genuinely want to,” Siruis stammered.

Remus sat there for a moment, his mouth agape. “So you’re not joking-“

“No, Moony, I’m not joking! I’m asking you to go out with me!” Siruis responded, frustrated and just wanting an answer at this point.

“Shhh you’re gonna wake them up!” Remus hissed.

“Well?” Siruis asked, getting pretty nervous now.

“I’ve gotta be dreaming,” Remus mumbled.

“Oh my god just answer m-“

“Yes, my answer is yes.”

“Okay, wow,” Siruis sighed, “What happens now?” He asks still in shock.

“Well, we go to The Three Broomsticks isn’t that what we just-“

“What’s this about The Three Broomsticks?” James asks, finally waking up.

“Oh, Moony and I were just talking about how you and Peter have a thing for Madam Rosemerta,” Siruis answered.

“I do not!” protested Peter.

The days leading up to their date were awkward. So many stolen glances and too long moments of closeness.

The date itself was also awkward but they found their footing. On the way back they held hands, this time not by accident.

Their first kiss was unexpected, they were in the common room as the sun was setting, everyone else was up in the dorms getting ready for bed while the two of them were copying Peter’s homework (since he was the only one who had done it because Remus was too much of a mess to remember and procrastinated a lot and James and Siruis simply didn’t want to do it)

Siruis had finished a while ago whereas Remus was still writing, correcting all of Peter’s mistakes but having a bit of trouble concentrating.

“Siruis, I know you’re staring at me,” Remus said smiling to himself a little and blushing.

Siruis didn’t answer.

“Oi, Padfoot-“

Remus was cut off by Siruis getting up and impulsively pushing their lips together.

Remus, while caught off guard, kissed him back, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close, almost like a hug.

“Sorry, I just really wanted to do that,” Siruis said as they broke apart.

The rest of the night consisted of Remus sitting on the couch with Siruis’ head on his lap, Remus playing with Siruis’ hair while chatting about anthing and everything with a few kisses in between before their insomniac brains were tired enough to go up to bed.

These were some of the memories that kept Siruis going during his time in Azkaban and the memories that kept Remus awake at night, wondering how Siruis could have beytrayed him.

These were the memories that flooded back to them when they embraced years later inn the shrieking shack.

This is literally so bad, I’m sorry.

[rosesanthology]

Not as Bad as i thought | Matsukawa Issei x reader

Okay so i've been thinking about this scenario for a WHILE now and im,,,,,not mad at how it turned out ? Lmao y'all see for yourselves

- songs :  • savage remix by Megan Thee Stallion feat Beyonce

                 • kimi no nawa theme song

- weather association au : dusk (i dont even know if that's seen as a weather but oh well-)

[Tags] : @raevaioli asked sooooo👀 @haikoo

- you weren't really sure how long you've been walking for

- you tried to recall the events from today with much difficulty as you strolled on the sideway at 4pm, still in school uniform but much messier than when you first got out of the house this morning, backpack lazily thrown over your left shoulder

- "and there goes a perfectly good weekend" you sighed, not talking to anyone in particular but yourself or maybe the occasional stray cat

- your house wasn't even close to the way you were going and you couldn't care less

- your phone had data anyway you could just search your way back in google maps (｀ε´)

- plus it's not like you walked across the whole country and you already called your mom to make up some excuse

- "we'll talk when you get back." She had told you over the phone , you were pretty sure that the school had informed her of what happened

- thinking about it made you sick to your stomach so you opted on just focusing on how much of an anime MC vibe you were giving off right now instead !!!

- i mean, basically running away after school to go on unplanned walks with a messy uniform while listening to the new savage remix by Megan and Beyonce ???? Pretty badass ngl (◡︿◡✿)

- if only your balance wasn't -2/10 then maybe you could even skateboard and act like you were in an indie movie

- but back to the matter at hand

- the anger swelled up inside you as you started to think over what had happened

- you were in the midst of a chemistry class and you had been paired up with none other than your toxic ex who made you feel like crap for the most random stuff

- you were literally just vibing trying to adjust the microscope and he just HAD to shove you out of the way because, allegedly, you "didn't know how to do it", causing you to back into another girl's test tubes and bunsen burner !!!

- WORSE IS THAT THAT GIRL STARTED YELLING AT YOU FOR RUINING HER WORK !!!! like damn it's not your fault

- luckily the teacher was kind enough to aknowledge your apology and scold the girl for yelling but still !!! You were angry !! (⋋▂⋌)

- so angry that you may....have started crying in class just cause beating the living hell out of your ex was just not something you could do and not get at least detention for-

- the embarassment of it all had caused you to storm out of the school at the first chance you had, not wanting to murder your ex or anybody else if they made any comments

- you were taken out of your internal turmoil in the middle of the sidewalk by the smell of the sea and well,,,,,the sight that was literally right in front of you

- not to be sappy or basic or anything but a good sunset never failed to make your heart go doki doki from the pretty colors(●´ω｀●)

- you didn't even notice time passing or the sky painting itself like that

- weird huh

- what a world we live in

- anyway you truly felt like things were meant to be at the moment you set foot on the soft sand (you'd have taken of your shoes if it wasn't for your socks preventing you from it)

- in this moment of awe you stuffed your phone and earbuds in your bag and made a run for the water !!!! Excited to see the cute riples of foam closer !!!

- and then you fell.

- FACE FIRST IN THE SAND BABY

- and you would have been fine if it wasnt for the loud sound of someone SNORTING AND CACKLING BEHIND YOU LIKE ?????

- FIRST OF ALL YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE ALONE ????

- AND WHO TF DARED ???

- THE GUY DIDNT EVEN HELP YOU HE JUST CAME UP TO YOU AND LET OUT A

- "Damn ive never seen anyone so eager to bite the dust !" And then laughed again !!

- ●︿●

- thats where it dawned upon you that this guy was one of the third years from your school's male volleyballl team !!!! If you remember correctly his name was Matsukawa Issei but did it really matter ???

- it was someone from school who was laughing at you ???? You Y/N L/N

- the embarassment came crashing onto you like the waves on the shore and in a second you were sobbing

 - the hot tears were rolling down your cheeks at high speed and you swore you heard Mattsun gulp when be realised what was going on

- "w-wait sorry...i didn't mean to make you cry" he didn't really know what to do so his hands were just hanging in the air as he knelt down in front of you

- ⋋_⋌ you mustered up the energy to glare at him thru your glossy eyes but really it looked as intimidating as a hamster- haha what no, the middle blocker's heart totally did NOT skip a beat with the pouty hamster + sunset color palette combination !!!! Not that you'd notice anyway

- instead of kneeling there awkwardly he opted for picking up your backpack before sitting next to you, putting his knees up to his chest and staring at anywhere but your very embarassed self

- "i really mean it you know ? Sorry for making you cry..." MATSUKAWA ISSEI STOP BEING A SIMP FOR SOMEONE YOU JUST MET CHALLENGE YOUR SUN PISCES IS SHOWING KING

- "its not entirely your fault...." you managed to say between hiccups, "ive kinda had like....a really really bad day"

- ".....i see" i sEe HeAdAsS you should have thought about it before laughing at Y/N like that !!!

- after that you didn't really know what to do

- i mean yeah grabbing your bag, flipping him off and then going back home sounded like a tight plan but at the same time,,,,,the sound of the waves was calming and the sun was pretty   (●´ω｀●)

- and little did you know that as you were too focused looking absolutly enamored with the sun itself Mattsun was looking at you trying to think about how the hell he was going to keep the conversation and the vibes going when you're just sitting there looking like THAT

- it was like that one scene in Kimi no Nawa when Taki and Mitsuba see each other for the first time sodjdisnakaka

- except that he was the only one staring but that didn't really phase him

- "you know-" ah here it comes

- he started talking so he'd have to go thru with it until the end

- he weirdly enough did NOT want you to turn to look at him because he knew that if you did the words would get caught up in his throat and- oh no you did

- oop the sand looks very interesting all of a sudden wow :0

- "you know when i have a bad day i usually come to sit here and watch the sunset"

- "okay and ?"

- GOSH Y/N LET HIM SPEAK PLEASE HE'S HAVING A HARD TIME

- "and it feels nice....like today for example, i just lost a volleyball match against some other school, Karasu-whatever you probably don't care but....after living such a hard loss it feels nice to look at the sky painted in all these colors you know ? Plus you don't have to talk so it's great it's as if you were on top of the world-"

- he was cut off by the sound of your laugh

- "ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME ???"

- as you struggled to catch your breath you looked at him and smiled

- "you know you're not as bad as i thought !"

- huh

- you were definitely something :\

- spiking the ball right thru Matsukawa's chest and straight to his heart

- "My name's Y/N L/N im a 2nd year ! also don't worry i wasn't making fun of you at all i just can't believe that you exposed your simp card so proudly to someone you BARELY know"

- "well i felt bad because-"

- "it's cute (▰˘◡˘▰)"

- OH.

- MY MANZ WAS AT A LOSS OF WORD

- WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT MAKING FUN OF A GIRL FALLING WAS ALL IT TOOK TO MAKE HIS DAY A 100 TIMES BETTER

- HE WOULD HAVE TO TELL MAKKI ABOUT THIS ASAP

- you snapped him out of his daze by pointing out that your mom would be worried if you walked alone to your house at night

- "sooooo is it my cue to walk you home ?" smooth recovery from him, you must admit

- "should we get boba on the way ?" You said standing up and dusting your shirt

- "you bet."

[zephyr-94]

barista!jaemin

inspired by the one and only, puff live!

a/n: this is my first ever fic omg pls spare me with my low writing skills cause ive literally never done this fjskdjdhjdks okay i just love na jaemin periodt. (after writing: ITS VERY JUMPY AND LENGTHY I DIDNT PLAN TO MAKE IT LIKE THIS DJSKJSJSS)

so like your aunt owns a cafe which is in the middle of the city

and you live a lil outside just cause you know, school n shit

you visit her so often cause its a small cafe and it calms you down whenyou need a short break from everything

its weird thats its in the middle of the city but its still calming right?

well okay so like you know those small streets down the neighbourhoods?

the ones you dont really go unless you are rlly feeling adventurous n shit, your aunt’s cafe is in one of those streets

okay longass context down

and at school, you are in a photography club,,, or technically you just learn photography from your teacher after school but its not a whole club extravaganza

just cause your school kinda demands an extra curricular after the first year

but it feels really suffocating to be forced to do smth as a group/with people you arent as familiar with,,,,

so you “signed up” for the smallest club: [photography theory]

it was about time you start doing your hobby-ish thing at school and the tutor was cool with you being practically the only student in the club lmao so everything was going well but

youve never rlly done anything big yourself and your school friends havent pushed you to do smth either

so you were kind of looking to at least take part in one out-of-class project initiated by students maybe

and theres this big school newspaper club/writers’ club,,,, and you find out that they are like !! photographers & stories wanted !!

and you ?? at first but apparently its a project where like students get to submit their fav pic & write a mini article about “your place of comfort”

cause the topic of the month is mental health/dealing with stress and the newspaper club wants a students’ view on it, instead of just “meditation” as a topic

then you just have that cafe in your mind like,,, how you would love to shoot the street light shining into the cafe from afar and how calm that place makes you feel,,,

basically you just love your auntie’s cafe lmao

so then you go on about maybe joining it,,, but then you be indecisive cause youve never actually taken a photo professionally you just have a prolonging passion for it,,,

and your teacher is like “y/n idk why you are contemplating no ones gonna judge you just try smth new, go take the chance if you are feeling like it”

we love a supportive johnny, oh yes your english teacher is your photography “club” tutor,,, self proclaimed club

actually there have been many opportunities in the past with taking photos for projects like this one but you just stayed away cause it didnt “motivate” you to take photos for it

so johnny’s words kinda pushed your back n you felt like this was the right thing :))

so then you visit your auntie on the weekends asking maybe if you can take pics & ask her a couple questions about this place

and shes like ofc!! wanna see how you capture this place :))

so then you do this whole process and you submit the article & photos,,,,,

which ends up getting a whole page???

and you are like wh a t

newspaper club: oh you submitted many such pretty pictures & your comment felt very genuine

and you :)) but damn a whole page,,,, you is a lil anxious djskdjdh now the entire schools now going to know you

johnny the hype man teacher: see i told you it was going to turn out nice

and then kaboom, your article lowkey blows up lmao

your auntie is calling you up like “y/n!! so many customers came today!! and a lot of them are wearing the same uniform as you, they must be the students from your school!!”

and shes so happy so you are happy af

but then you remember like,,,, shes never had a part timer,,,,,

and she continues to manage the place by herself after it gets popular among the students,,,,

?? auntie,,, you never take a break ??

shes like maybe ill think about hiring someone?? and you are like, that would be good for you :)) i will be less worried about your health!!

whoop guess who got hired

and after youve had that^ conv, you had constant classes n group projects n shit so you literally had no time,,,

two weeks later, kinda highkey stressed

you decide to go make a quick visit to auntie before going to the library to study

and you peek,,, to see not your auntie,,,,

but a boy?? 

just standing behind the counter,,, no auntie to be seen but a beautiful boy???

before the opening hours,,,, he?? must be the part timer,,,

and once he notices you by the door,

he just smiles at you,,, so brightly,,,,

wow youve never seen such a pretty face,,,

you actually like forget to open the door you are just staring from outside the cafe,,,,

and he just waves,,, and you snap back to reality like oh shit did i just stare at someone for a solid minute

welp that was embarrassing djkdjdfj

he opens the door for you and goes “hey you must be y/n :))”

“the only person who comes before 9am, thats you isnt it?”

and you just ?¿ confusion??¿

“auntie told me about it :)) hi, nice to meet you, im jaemin!!”

you are still confused but you just shake hands next to the counter,,,

and as you take a seat

jaemin just makes a smol run to the other side and hes like

“you came just in time, i want you to try my latte!!”

jaemin serves a cup of latte with a leaf art

this boy just served a latte first thing after shaking hands i-

you take a sip from the cup

and you are like,,, so auntie hired an experienced boy,,,,

“its really good,,,” it has the same comforting taste you always love

and jaemin just has the biggest smile :)))) you know his smile where the ends just curl in, yes that one

him beaming like that just makes you giggly inside,,,,

you ask him “so uh um im guessing you are the part timer??”

“yes!! i didnt introduce myself properly did i! i started working here two weeks ago :))

ive been coming here for quite a while now so im happy i got the chance!!”

and you ?¿ “ive never seen you here??” you are the most frequent customer youve gotta have seen him before fjsksj

hes like “oh um i always came at 9pm on a friday, after everyone leaves and the whole neighbourhood gets quiet”

you just :o

and come to think of it, you’ve never visited here on a friday night,, cause you know, friday evening is your im not doing anything tonight kinda me time lmao

inside you are kinda happy that someone who knows this place got hired like its a special place to you so

tbh you were kinda anxious even though you trust your aunt,,,,,

and jaemin hurriedly goes “oh and also auntie is taking a break today, shes out to the market so im gonna take over until she returns in the afternoon”

djskdj auntie why didnt she tell you lmao

“im sorry if you needed anything specific from her,,, you should stay for a while until she comes back maybe?”

and you are like,,, “oh that would be great,,, but unfortunately i have to go to the library,,,,”

jaemin: ): he pout

“im so glad you came today tho!! i wanted to see you :) auntie has told so many thing about you”

“wait,, what has she told you,, omg”

apparently shes told jaemin

a) reason why this cafe recently became a popular hideout cafe for students because you wrote a school article bout it

b) that you do photography

c) and that this cafe is your break time so you never study here and auntie loves listening to you talk about school n what not

and then you are like !!

“wait so then you dont go to our school ,,,um are you also a student?”

and you panic a little cause i mean you just met him but you literally know nothing and you mightve assumed things fjsksj

and jaemin tells you “ah yes i go to a hospitality school downtown” “ohh”

and from there he just starts talking about his school and what he studies

he asks you about school but jaemin is extra excited about his hospitality course hes all !! :))!!

and you are so hooked on jaemin talking about his school you forget an hour passes by,,,,

[time to open the cafe]

then the customers start coming in

and you are like “oh sorry ive just bothered you during the preparation time,,,,, it was nice meeting you!! gotta go now :))”

and you rush out cause all you planned to do was give your auntie a little visit

also you dont want to bother jaemin cause its hes gonna handle the place alone for a couple hours

you wave a smol see you soon and

jaemin just does a little chuckle,, and hes like waving so widely fjsksj does he know other people can see him

and thats how your first day with jaemin went

later that day you return home thinking like,,, did you just get so excited to converse with someone who you juSt met,,,

na jaemin’s power

and jaemin on the other hand, is thinking about how beautiful you looked today

just that short while but it made him so happy

hes thinking about you all week uwu

so next week you visit again, expecting to see your auntie

and maybe also that gleaming boy

peeking through before the opening hours

the moment jaemin realises you hes like “y/n!!” what a shining boy

and aunties like “oh y/n right you met him last week when i was out right”

that morning you just talk to auntie about what shes been missing on after you went on a busy week

mind that jaemin is literally just listening to you & auntie talk

and he enjoys it cause you talk so comfortably in front of her :))

you decide to stay the whole day to give yourself a break

which meant you moved to your usual spot by the window

and auntie serving you (free) vanilla latte

you take out your camera and just start adjusting the lenses, trying to find the right frame

customers come and go so you dont get to talk to jaemin a lot that day

but its not like you came here for him,,,, right?¿??¿??

while you were thinking all that

jaemin was asking about you all day like

“so y/n’s favourite is vanilla?”

“does y/n prefer a latte over cappuccino?”

“i want to serve y/n something,,,, what would be the best??”

auntie: how many times did he mention y/n today omg

and as auntie answers

jaemin is thinking like

i wanna see y/n smile

and the entire day your auntie is like !!he :)))))

lmao same auntie same

so when the peak hours finish she goes

“i can take care of everything now, go talk to y/n”

and jaemin just smiles brighter than ever

so when he comes around, you startle

but it puts a smile on your face

because hes brought your favourite cake and just a smiling jaemin in front of you uwu

you both get to know more about each other like

how theres this two boys named chenle & jisung in the preparatory course whom he adores to death

or like

theres this jeno boy whose jokes suck jeno i love you

with a bonus of

you talking about how johnny’s english class is nothing but a comedian’s lesson

so that day went great

and now that you are comfortable

you visit the cafe to talk with jaemin more

even when you have a chill no stress week

it just makes you feel lighter by coming to the cafe now

and your auntie is hella happy that you two are getting along so well

it continues for weeks

just you and jaemin talking from time to time when the peak hours are over or before the cafe opens

you became best pals basically

he encouraged you to join more school projects cause hes sure your photography is worth the chance

you giving him daily support when he feels like he isnt doing the best for his course

sometimes when your aunt had to leave for a couple hours near closing time

you two just stayed there talking for a couple hours giving comfort to each other

late night lattes and cakes

also one time you got so excited from the bestest grades you got you might have hugged him without thinking oops

and one day, jaemin’s friend renjun is there when you come after school

and hes like “hi uh dont mind me im just here a bit because jaemin has to go somewhere after this and i dont want him to be late”

so you just,,, chill as jaemin kinda rushes

and when he goes to the storage room, you just see renjun getting along with the auntie lmao

auntie: “so i got offered this contract with the new type of beans? and idk if i should take it because that would mean i have to go out of the city,,,,”

renjun: “for how long?”

auntie: “two weeks maybe”

renjun: “oh thats fine, dont worry about it. jaemin can take over that. next two weeks right? his mandatory work experience ends this week”

so thats how renjun signed jaemin up to work alone for auntie without his consent

and aunties like “y/n!! it would be so much for just jaemin, you should help him :) your break starts next week right?”

so you also got signed up to this thing

fast forward to first day of break

aka the first time you “work” there

you are nervous and jaemin can feel it

“dont worry y/n, ill do all the talking and coffee, you just have to serve & clean!!”

so you try to calm down a bit

not to mention that you are also nervous cause its only jaemin and you in the room

but then he sees you fumbling with tying the apron and

jaemin says “here, give it, ill do it for you” while smiling a little

and from the back he wraps the apron around your waist,,,

and hes so close to you,,, your heart is fluttering

okay heart stop beating so fast pls thank you

and little do you know,,, jaemin is flushing a bit behind your back,,,

you are both the cutest mess

and you break the silence with a smol

“thanks :))”

trying to contain yourself from screaming

adapting to the serving side & keeping youself busy

you dont realise jaemin is literally admiring you the entire time as you get used to the job,,,,

here and then you forget how close you might be standing next to jaemin,,,

you kinda also realise how rEALLY attractive he looks serving everyone with a huge smile 24/7

and the way some customers are obviously attracted to him,,,,

but what you dont know is he is literally taking this chance to highkey flirt with you lmao

waves (sometimes winks) across the room

causally hovers over you when you cant find/reach smth

beaming the biggest smile every minute he gets to himself

and at first you panicked like ?!????

cause was this jaemin boy holding back for a whole month

is this his nature yes

but it makes you so happy to see him smiling all the time beside you

so jaemin yes its working

you gotta admit tho his flirty-ish behaviour grew on you this entire week djskjssj

a week of giggly smiles uwu

but the week after was unexpectedly the busiest of the busiest

you two forgot national holidays collided with the weekends and for some, it was a week off,,,,,,

so the week rushes by so quickly compared to the last one

it kind saved you tho cause your heart cant take more of that flirty behaviour

and finally,

the peak days are over,,,

and you realise its been a while since the cafe was just you,,,, and well jaemin but just no customers

the silence with faint sounds of cups cluttering,,,, you missed it

so then you go sit on the high chair

just admiring jaemin organise the shelves

he starts to prepare a new cup of coffee then realises you smiling at him “were you in awe at how effortless i look right now??”

you chuckle at his remark,,,

(needless to say that your are chuckling to hide how your heart is melting at his smirky smile)

so you twirl a bit shyly,, and avert the gaze to the familiar wood of the counter

asking him “do you remember the day we first saw each other, me sitting here and you serving the latte?”

“ofc, its the day i met an angel”

oh so confidently na jaemin really just said that

you quickly look up at him like !!!?!???!

and thats how he earned a first kiss (or rather a peck) from you

leaning over the counter and pecking you, a whole blushy mess

then comes a clink by the door

you juMp,,,,,,,

oof the customer may or may not have seen you two

you both rush around flushed like a tomato lmao

spending the rest of the day like nothing happened oops

and after the day ends, you two close the cafe

as you starting walking you are caught off guard when

jaemin just takes your hand,,,

“look y/n!! the stars are so pretty!!”

and starts swinging your arm like a tall child,,,

your heart is skippingnsjsjsjs

then at the corner, jaemin turns around and goes

“this is actually the place i first saw you”

and you ??¿?¿¿

“i saw you taking the photo of this night light shining into the cafe”

still hand in hand, jaemin steps a little closer

and takes his free hand to cup your face, kissing you,,,,

you smile into him as he kisses so softly, thinking

maybe the day i took that photo was a friday night

and melting into the kiss, you really think you are dreaming,,,,,

under the lights you once wished capturing a sparkling moment with the cafe in the back

its now you and jaemin in the frame,,,,

the boy who had you forgetting to breathe a month ago

whos now serving your favourite latte with a bonus of pecks on the cheek,,,,, (maybe on the lips if theres no one watching)

anyways

jaemin brings light to your life and you have never been this happy until you met him uwu

and it goes both ways, jaemin cant live without you now,,,, you are the best thing thats ever happened to him

(thank the heavens & your auntie)

oh and also johnny for pushing you to submit that article lmao plus huang renjun for that involuntary sign up

[gothvince]

pls tell us more abt fake reboot lyds/claire?? i'm emotionally attached to this ship now too bc of you and lilliegoat

me and @lilliegoat are doin gods work by getting everyone to stan lydclaire (clairedia??? ship name needs brainstorming)

i wrote like a full fuckin episode plot and it’s so long and rambly i’m. so sorry im just PASSIONATE!!!!!

i have a claire/lydia bonding episode planned in which claire ends up stuck with lydia for a long weekend while her parents are away. beetlejuice comes up with a dumb scheme to make money and sets up this whole stupid summer camp kind of deal to make a quick buck, its super shitty and doesn’t go well and claire’s literally the only kid who shows up lmao. he regrets the plan immediately and he wants to just kick claire out to fend for herself for the weekend because He’s Beetlejuice And Claire’s Mean To His Friend, but lydia’s more kindhearted than he is and figures they cant just leave claire all on her own. because despite how much of a bully she is, she’s a person, and lydia knows what an emotionally distant father is like. so they reluctantly take her in for the weekend.

claire’s super angry/annoyed about it and acts super bratty (but she is genuinely acting out because like, her parents are neglectful and they left her on her own at this shitty summer camp or whatever while they go on a nice vacation together, and she’s hurt and upset and doesn’t understand why her parents never want to spend time with her). like. claire’s parents are super stuck up and they’ve instilled in her that anyone not on their class level is lower than them. the deetzes are rich, so charles and delia have some level of respect from the brewsters even tho they’re still looked down on, but they’re quirky and weird and that’s why they’re very much considered other, lydia especially. so it hurts her that her parents wld not only leave her, but also leave her with a family they all very much dislike. is she on the same level as the deetzes? do her parents think that lowly of her? what is she doing wrong?

so it’s rough for the first day. lydia and beej try a little to bond but they’re shut down immediately and since claires acting like a bully they just. decide they’re not gonna put up with it. so they go and hang out on their own in one of the stupid cabins beej built for this camp. and claire’s all alone, and she tries to convince herself she’s fine but she’s not. and she hears beej and lydia laughing - and she listens in, and they’re having so much fun and it hurts that she’s never had that, you know? like she has friends in the popular girls at school but they aren’t friends in the way beej and lydia are - they don’t do weird stuff and laugh at each other and stop caring what other people think. claire, in all of her relationships, is constantly trying to prove herself. but lydia and beetlejuice don’t have to prove themselves, or act like anyone else - they love each other for who they are. they dont need to change. claire wants that. claire wishes she could experience that.

so, y’know. she’s peering through the keyhole and watching lydia and beetlejuice (who by the way is disguised as betty juice for the majority of this episode, so claire is under the impression that betty’s just a normal girl however weird). and beetlejuice does something supernatural/demonic to make lydia laugh. and claire sees this, and she screams, and they realise she’s been watching them. so. lydia swings open the door and pulls claire inside and she’s like “you can’t tell anyone that beej is a ghost, claire, swear you won’t tell.” beetlejuice is being stupidly threatening in the bg and claire’s just fuckin scared out of her mind.

but she agrees not to tell, and then lyds asks why she was spying on them, and claire admits that she heard how much fun they were having and wanted to join in. and lydia’s shocked by this, but... honestly, she’s like yeah, okay. you can join in. and they teach her the game they’re playing and by the end of the night they’re all having fun and laughing! and the rest of the weekend goes like that!! claire learns to just be herself without caring what anyone thinks - she’s weird and funny and she absolutely loves making lydia laugh, and it’s a fun bonding experience all round. beej is a little reluctant to trust her, but he trusts lydia, so he and claire have kind of a ... shaky truce, where they dont particularly like each other but they’ll be civil and hang out for lydia’s sake. it’s good it’s fun it’s gay we love it.

aaaand then her parents come home. and they see their daughter, laughing and being friends with lydia and betty, dressed a little weird and tacky, just. being herself and having fun and they’re furious. they tell her in no uncertain terms that she better stop messing around right now, young lady, you’re a brewstery, we have a reputation to uphold. and claire dejectedly obeys. immediately switches back to her usual bully persona because that’s what her parents want, right? and they take her home and... that’s the episode.

after that, over the course of the next few eps, claire is back to being her usual self and acts like none of this ever happened. lydia, though, does her best to be nicer and more understanding, and tries to get her to let loose and just be herself because actually, she really fucking likes claire when she’s being herself. in another episode she joins a science project with lydia, bertha and prudence, and from that point it’s a fun slow burn enemies > friends > girlfriends kinda thing.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

going off the back of that post that i reblogged last night about being a virgin/not dating/not having had a relationship by your 20s should be normalised and not shamed.... i thought I’d make a separate post bc meh anyway.

but yeah going off that post, I hate how when I was 17/18 and 18/19 when I had guys approach me on facebook for sex/a relationship/to date etc the question i had the most from all of those men (who at the time were in their early-to-mid 20s) was “are you like waiting for marriage or some stupid fucking bullshit for losing your virginity? like why the fuck haven’t you slept with someone yet? you’re 17-19! you’re obvs broken and let me/us (the us part was when it was 2 dudes, one trying to set me up with his friend) fucking fix you! what the fuck?” and then obviously that rant devolved into my typical point of “you should’ve fucked someone by the time you were 15!” bullshit rant that all of these men rattled off after the marriage/virginity question.

but no. i’m not waiting for marriage to have sex/lose my very non-existent purely social construct virginity. no. i’m not waiting for it to be “special” bc I know a lot of losing your virginity is MEANT to be awkward and funny and uncomfortable, unlike all the media around it making it seem seamless and perfect half the time.

but you know what I’m waiting for? a person that fucking respects that, in a sense. a person who doesn’t fucking think their stupid fucking mostly good-for-nothing genitals (ok in these cases it obvs a dick) will magically control me and “make you (me) into a real woman who loves real dick, real men, and real sex” which is something that “I’ll give you sex lessons in my car” guy literally said to me in 2014 when he was angry at me for not having lost my virginity by 18/19. im waiting for just like the bare minimum respect level that SO MANY MEN fucking refuse to fucking meet that it makes me fucking sick.

warning: this next part mentions suicide/self-harm.

like y’all I went through a lot with my stalker constantly harassing me with his “will you fucking hurry up and fucking consider that wonderful weekend of sex down the coast, so that I can be the first to have your virginity???!!! (and also so that I don’t try and kill myself, you selfish bitch!)” act. like why in all honest fuck would I give it to a guy that consistently threatened me with his suicide/generally threatened self-harm each time I refused to touch him? why would i give it to the guy who made me terrified that he’d punch me in the face if i ever called that bullshit out or generally criticised his behaviour in any way, shape, or form???? why would i give it to the boy who DEMANDED in first two days of knowing me, that i “hurry up and get on the pill so that I can fuck you!” and then followed that up with refusing to use condoms and then the “we’ll get married & have kids one day bc you’re girlfriend material” line, as if he was going to trap me at 16 with a kid to be his baby mama, and then never let me go to uni etc bc i obviously had to be stuck with the kid while he fucked off and fucked around with other girls.

like y’all 16 year old me mentally read my stalker for fucking FILTH each time he pulled his bullshit acts. she knew that he was abusive/manipulative/controlling etc. why the FUCK would she give him the satisfaction of “being the first to fuck you (her)” like she was some gatekept special unicorn or other fucked up shit???? virginity is used to control women by these creepy manipulative men. and the men mentioned in the first half of this post all were like “like yeah he sounds fucking yikes, but you should’ve just fucked him anyway; to be normal and to not be a fucking stuck up, frigid virgin bitch like you are now! you should of just given the guy a chance!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 maybe he would’ve treated you right if you fucked him and gave him what he wanted!!!! lower your fucking standards!!!!😡” like no????????? and y’all are really going to excuse suicide threats/self-harm threats and other violence towards women, over a woman not having lost her virginity yet???? what THE ACTUAL FUCK IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU?????? you are MOTHERFUCKING TRASH and you need to FUCKING LEAVE.

then yes there was the less yikes clear braces guy at catholic school. but all the same. 14/15 year old me DID NOT LIKE HIM in that way at all. I didn’t want to fucking touch him, because everything about him disgusted me (which was super fucking rude I’ll admit, but yeah).

but why the fuck was she expected to give up her virginity/have a relationship at all etc with a boy that she NEVER had feelings for???? why was she ALWAYS dismissed (typically more often by male students, but also by some female students and then eventually teachers) when she said she didn’t like him???? and even after she fucking dumped him???? WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO BELIEVE GIRLS/WOMEN when they say that they DON’T LIKE and NEVER LIKED someone?????

but other than that, why was I expected to give myself to him??? I had boys who always said to me “I bet you’d love licking the shit out of his braces. yeah get that nasty shit out of there for him with your tounge... I bet you dream about it” and other vile shit about this guy’s psoriasis etc, and other shit like that for 3 straight fucking years..... and then those boys fucking wondered why i’d fucking slap them and storm out of fucking class.... and then they always pretended to act all nice after it. why the FUCK was i expected to endure that?????

this is the relationship where the WHOLE year group pressured me into it (or at least I felt super pressured by my entire year) bc even the other half of the year started to harass me about it. whenever i told anyone to fuck off about it, they’d just push it harder. it was a fucking mortifyingly awkward and awful relationship where i never answered his texts.... where he would spell my name wrong although I was his “best friend” (although yes autocorrect but you wouldn’t over sight that in a text to your girlfriend, right?) and where I constantly faked sick or totally ignored his advances for dates...... by actually going over my friends houses, instead of going to the movies with him.... and then when he moved schools at the end of 2010 I felt like it was my fault bc I’d dumped him???? so he’d lost a good friend after that??? idek man teenagers suck lmao

but in the whole story about clear braces guy, I think you can see the underlying thing there was that i OBVIOUSLY wasn’t ready for a relationship, and honestly I don’t think this guy was either..... considering that when he asked me out over the phone he seemed awkward about it I suppose.... like we’d been pressured into FOR 3 YEARS of constant harassment from our year group..... so he felt like he HAD to ask me out finally. and then when he made it “facebook official” i gagged... and then snapped and then yelled at him. i was fucking livid. i cringed at the couple selfie he took of us at the end of one PE lesson after the “fb official” disaster. it was a fucking nightmare lmao.

can y’all see that this SHOULD NOT HAVE FUCKING HAPPENED AT ALL if we’d just left been left fucking alone to be friends that talked every day???? like yes he had his story of having a crush on me since the start of 2008/year 7, but I always felt nothing like that for him. EVER. we were just two metalhead friends bonding over parkway drive and marilyn manson and emo kids bonding over adtr and other bands which everyone else was into anyway.

like I did feel sorry for him in my class bc no one would sit with him, bc he was a bit weird (the braces thing didn’t help him either). he talked to me too bc most of my class was scared of me and my very dramatic screaming matches with teachers/emotional outbursts that would get me sent out of so many classes for most of year 7. but i always, ALWAYS saw us as just friends. basically it was just my group that believed that I didn’t like him (well eventually) bc they always got up and moved away whenever braces dude came to sit with me at at lunch/recess. like my group was embarrassed for me or something???? idek man.

but yeah. my point with braces guy is that why fuck should I have been pressured into that??? and ESPECIALLY why the actual fuck did it have to be a fucking whole year group level of sustained harassment for 3 straight years, where on every fucking level I WAS FUCKING IGNORED by everyone????.... and where that sustained harassment made me feel as though if I’d said no, i would’ve been called a selfish bitch/whore/slut bc teenagers are dumb as fuck. like even teachers started pushing it from time to time by 2010. i fucking hated it. why should a teenager be harassed ON THAT LEVEL FOR THAT LONG while still being invalidated..... and then still be expected to have a good view of relationships and sex exploration after that???? like it warped my views so much.... and then gave me a big part of a horrible fucking year long depressive episode in 2011..... and also gave me a weirdly obsessive and deathly obvious crush on one of the very popular pretty boys who had pushed me into that relationship anyway.... especially when that said boy gave me a flirtatious comment when I was “going out” with braces boy. like how the fuck is any of that healthy???? why was I expected to lose my virginity to someone I never had feelings for in the first place????

so yeah. this is my view on why people never having had a relationship/never had sex/not lot their virginity by their 20s should be a more normalised thing not to be shamed for...... and why teenagers should NEVER be harassed to have relationship that they don’t want, fucking period. just relationships in high school are fucking awful.

[softboywriting]

Y’all need to know something that’s going on with me right now. I’m making this post in your best interest because I feel like it’s important that other writers and bloggers who follow me should know. If you follow or contact the user ironfurycollector, they are not an honest person and faked their own death to me. 

Okay so I started talking to her in September and it was great. both Shawn fans and she loved my fics. we exchanged a few pics, and we talked about our lives a little bit from time to time. but i started to wonder why she never posted anything on her blog, only liked everything. no big deal. some people just dont reblog a lot. 

then there was some outtake pics she bought that she was gonna email to me and when she sent them they were from her ‘brother’s email. she said something about hers being hacked a while back. now the question is, why not just make a new one? it takes ten seconds. (this email fiasco can be backed up by another trusted friend, more to come on this.) 

it was a red flag but i ignored it and moved on. we talked more and more about shawn and my fics. (side note: some time in December she sent me a pic that her friend recently took but she was in a hoodie and a puffy coat, it’s dead ass summer in AUS rn. NOT coat weather. i mentioned this in the chat but she just moved on to another topic) but then i started getting really suspicious after she entered this relationship with her brother’s best friend. see, it was too perfect, too ‘fic’ like but i just went with it cuz it was interesting and maybe he was this good and i was a sucker for it.

but then it just got over the top. the stories, the details, it just was too much for a first time relationship and the guy/her being only 18-19 years old. 

so at one point he supposedly left a little scavenger hunt of notes around her place when she fell asleep and he had to leave. this was only a week or two into their relationship. pretty unbelievable. so then shes sending me pics of the little riddle notes for her scavenger hunt and the handwriting changed half way thru. also, one of the pics there was a guy’s leg in the pic. and she lied to me and said it was a fake one her brother pranked her with on Halloween. well. i called her on that, asking for a pic of it and she fessed up to lying saying ‘she was embarrassed cuz she couldn't figure out the clues and she had her friend Bradley come over to help her’. which, honestly sure i’d buy but why lie? and how fast did he get there? smells fishy.

moving on. i was confused cuz she said her friend was named Bradley. well. that was also the name on the ‘brother’s email’ she was using. i called her on this. she said they are both Bradley and she calls her brother B. I was iffy. What are the chances. Honestly. 

At this time i called her out and told her i thought she was cat fishing me. and asked to see a pic of her with the notes from the scavenger hunt. which she took forever to send a pic, making up the excuse of being in the bathroom, and they getting dressed but finally did. it appeared she was holding the notes but idk tbh. (in all her pics shes sent it’s clearly the same girl)

Fast forward and she has this wild weekend with her now boyfriend/ brother’s best friend. like so much sex. it’s literally impossible how long they supposedly went and how many times her boyfriend supposedly came. it was just too wild and for her claiming to be a virgin, it was too much and he, being a supposedly 18yr old was way too experienced sounding. seriously. it was like a fic.

so like i asked for a pic of her boyfriend cuz supposedly he’s so shawn like and shit and all i’ve seen was this one generic pic of him (god knows where that came from) and she can’t get any on facebook and blah blah. now i asked several times for pics of this boy (shes with him all the time) but she always had an excuse. always. 

at this point im just so suspicious she’s lying about everything. now her boyfriend is going off for a sports camp thing for a month in the US. shes sad. okay. but then about two days later she says she has some family drama and won’t be available for a few days. im like okay. shit happens.sure. 

she tells her best friend ‘Bradley’ to message me on tumblr so i wouldn’t be lonely. so he had to make a tumblr cuz ‘he just used hers to read your fic’. so im like okay sure. well. while i talked to him i noticed he speaks, types, has the same exact quirks as her. i mean so specifically the same. i use lmao a lot, too much perhaps. and she started using it too cuz we talked all the time, you pick things up from people. but for this guy, whom ive never spoken with and i assume would have their own quirks and way of speaking, to be the exact same is super fishy to me. 

so a few days later she texts me (i have her cell # and have since just after the boyfriend thing started) and shes like saying that she’s not in AUS anymore and that her boyfriend just COULDNT be with out her and paid for a flight to come stay with him for a week in the US while he’s doing his sport thing. Not sure where an 18 year old boy gets money like that let alone how she was staying with him, specially if he was on an exchange program for a school function. red flag. im suspicious. 

so then she says ‘oh its so boring here all day with out him cuz hes at camp for sports” and im like thinking well....you could text me all day or message me on tumblr but you don’t? doesn't make sense. so when i get a chance to talk to her, she says shes heading home soon. and i ask what the family drama was and she says something about her aunt. and i dont remember how it came up but i asked about her living situation back home. cuz previously she’d sent me stuff about living with a roommate but now she was saying she lived with her brother. so i asked. and she said she lives at home but her parents have been away for a while but they just came back and then there was drama with her aunt. like, what? that just didn’t make sense to me at all. she never mentioned moving or anything and always said she lived with her brother (never mentioned parents ever before and also where the fuck would they be for so long??). (also side note, when we first started talking she said she had a horse/pony and his name was Waffles i think and she loved him so much and was always out there with him. never ever heard about this again. ever.)

so here’s the point where i am just done with this and i have a bad feeling and i can’t ignore it anymore. she tells me her boyfriend will be back soon and i should go talk to Bradley about my concept i wanted to tell her about. i told her im not as comfortable talking to him about it cuz it’s not the same. she insists. and then...she calls him Larry. and im like what? who? and she tells me this story how that’s his nickname cuz her mom would call them that when she got mad when they were kids. (that makes no sense) and she called him that since he beat up some guy for her in high school (still makes no sense and now im absolutely done with this not adding up shit) also this whole time ‘Bradley’ hasn’t been on for a day or two. and suddenly as soon as i say goodbye to her. he’s suddenly online. Fishy.

I decide not to talk and i block him to see what happens. nothing happens. so now i decide to take this story to a friend on here who i trust a lot. she tells me to block her and see what happens. see if she notices. a day later and she’s supposed to be home from the US and back in AUS. i get a text, something about a car accident on the way home from the airport. I don’t respond. 

at this point my trusted friend mentions a user randomly contacting her and sending her outtakes in exchange for writing a oneshot a while back. and that the email was weird and ‘fishy’ and ‘from her brothers email.’ low and behold. it’s the same person i’ve been talking to. and she told my trusted friend that she got the pics ‘from her friend’ when she told me should bought them (with what money idk cuz they were expensive $80-$100 per sets and yet she was complaining about bring broke??) 

I go on with my blogging and writing. next day. she doesn't text me. another day and she sends something along the lines of “hope you’re okay i noticed you haven’t been active.” I don’t respond because I want to see if she notices I've blocked her and asks me about it. 

another day passes. 

I don’t get any messages about being blocked, or asking what’s going on or why can’t she see my tumblr, etc. Things that an actual person and normal friend would probably be sending texts about far more frequently than just one or two texts.

so then i get a text today from her cell that says this

which i don’t believe for one second. so i take it to my trusted friend. and she tells me that she has liked a few of her posts since last night. oh. really. blogging from the grave huh? So i ask my trusted friend to message her. to see if she replies. and low and behold:

I’m honestly pissed off and hurt. I called this person my friend. I grew to trust this person and share my days/stories/ideas with them. I have no idea how much is true of what she’s ever told me. I have no idea if she is a real person or another person pretending. But even if all the other stuff that I was iffy on and sent up red flags for me were somehow bizarre truths, this text is a lie. She faked her own death and I am calling her out on this. Because I won’t be friend with a person like this. And I highly suggest no one is because this is wrong and sick. 

[neurodivergentchaosking]

Loving someone with NPD

It fucking sucks! I have bpd and if i was completely untreated, i would have been narcissist chow...more than i already was.

I have pretty decent intuition but it took a long time for me to actually follow it. I met (lets call her Mary) before i listened to it and created a huge blindspot that took me 6 years to fix.

We both arrived on Okinawa Island 24 hours a part, we shared a name and a birthday ( naturally my dumb ass was like OMG SOULMATE- after i stopped hating her). when i first met her, i hated her. I knew she was two-faced and i said so to her face. Few drunken weekends set that unfortunate Trauma bond in place. 

I felt so special. She's two-faced and cruel to everyone but ME. my BPD ate that shit up. she even told me that she thought i was the category of “bimbo friend” until she got to know me.....and i actually took that as a compliment and mentally lorded it over her bimbo friends. it was a disaster.                           love-bomb, cruelty, rinse, repeat.

We were just friends at first, she thought she was straight, and i thought i was a girl- neither are true. We kissed once in a drunken haze and it was absolutely terrible, so it really never happened again. you know justgirlythings. 

I was quite notorious (just because im built like a coke bottle and was put into the marine barracks and you know how boot lickers be) on the island because the Navy is just high-school 2.0. Mary never had my back through it all, she stayed friends with the people who started it and she ditched me all the time at her convenience . I was only on the island for 6 months, and right when i almost cut things off with Mary, i left on an expedited transfer (another tragic story for another tragic time). We stayed in contact via snapchat but honestly we didnt talk much.

Her bf was a bit of a loser and she was planning to leave him while planning their life together...look at that, another red flag that i took as a compliment because she left him for ME. fuck im so needy #narcissistchow. 

I made a joke about her living with me, and she just went full throttle with that shit. So we got an apartment together, twas the beginning of the end and i fucking KNEW IT. i felt it in my gut and i remember thinking...but she’s so mean sometimes... like whyyyyyy dont i just listen to me???? ug anyways

Right before we got the apartment she released my cat into the urban wilderness and he was GONE, presumed dead. Quinn, my beautiful fur-baby, a 13 lb maincoone, fucking HATED HER, and he only hated dicks. so yeah she got rid of him and blamed it on my husband (my life is complex okay). we were obviously not doing great and i didn't think about it too hard until later (even though he has never left the door open, like ever).

It started out so much fun! the adventures and stories that we created together were amazing. she made me feel like it would be like this forever. Bit short-lived.  she would insult, demean, and play fucked up mind games. Luckily for me she didn't get to feed of my pain the way she wanted because i don't exibxit vulnerable emotions (working on that), despite them eating away at me. 

Her toxicity mirrored the way i was treated as a child, so i did what i did as a child. i shut down. I stopped therapy because i was masking too hard for it be helpful. i stopped my medications because idk if they're working because I'm so disconnected. My ocd tendencies that i got rid of as a child came back. Im never not high on MJ (still am because i don't want to FEEL)

And you know why i stayed? because she made me feel special, and wanted, and even more so needed. She is so fucking insecure and i was a constant source of validation and love. we had conversations and conversations about how we were meant for one another and the future we would create together. We even talked about the children we would raise together. we talked about how it was weird that we didn't want to fuck each-other (she looks like an incest muppet lmao) but we were in a beautiful (toxic*) polyamorous asexual relationship.

i was def not perfect in the relationship. i would do so much petty shit (like i did as a child). she would make me feel shitty about something, so i would show off one of my many talents that also was one of her many insecurities. hell, i would fuck up her hair ON PURPOSE. She had this insanely long blue hair that ended in a short red Karen cut lmao i am such a fucking asshole lmao. no regerts

but like also lets not forget the times she literally threatened to murder me....just saying. i may have been a dick, but she DESERVED it.

She kept treating me like shit and i did the non-traditional BPD thing and started setting boundaries for myself. like when she starts being a jerk, just walk away. just leave. also make her jelly with something to feel better lol.obvi that made her MEANER. so i took her out to eat and told her that she was treating me like absolute shit and it needed to sop...she starts bawling...making up shit about how her anxiety this and that and she's not gonna stop being a cunt so shel just move out.

idk why i even tried after that lunch but like whatever. i even sold her my car at a discount price - but now she has the perma reminder lol. i tried. she kept changing the date of her leaving, she just got meaner, and what FINALLY made things click. was she started ditching me and lying about it ( i may have tested it out and made her confess to it without her knowing- she is incredibly stupid). that was the one thing. the one thing i told myself if someone does that to me again, im done. so heyyy at least i stuck to my boundary even though i almost talked myself out of it. so i simply stopped talking to her. for WEEKS. she tried to start conversation, i ended them. she insulted me and i would flip it on her. i was DONE and she knew it. so our 6 year relationship literally ended by me in person ghosting her.

Finally the lease was up and that kinda forced her stupid ass into moving, however. she like half left and half left her stuff. but she left ferret shit fucking everywhere. on the deck, in the closet, smooshed into carpet, random bits of poo strewn about the room. shes fucking Nasty. i cleaned up the ferret poops with her clothes that was left behing...and i rubbed it on EVERYTHING including her dishes. i broke a couple items (some on accident even). stole a bunch of stuff...even a dead mans gift...yeah im PETTY... but i stacked all of her shit at the enterence of the apartment.

Time for pickup! she allotted herself 1.5 hours to pack everything and go to her new apartment that is 45 plus mins away. she comes in- overly exaggerates on thanking me for stacking her shit by the entrance. i immediately ask for the keys ...says okay but then “got distracted”, we did that 3 times till she finally gave me the keys... then i told her about the ferret poo and she claimed that she was gonna clean it today...BITCH IT TOOK ME OVER 3 HOURS FOR THE POOP CLEANUP ALONE...so yeah fuck her.

later that day i hang out with my new friend, lets call her Anna, who is on Marys snapchat- while Mary was putting her stuff in storage (something she swore shed never do) she was saying how pissed she is and how horribly i am for stacking her shit at the entrance. glad to see she's as two-faced as ever.

POST BREAKUP DRAMA:

1) she tried to get rid of everything i gave her but she cant unbuy my car lmao.

2) she got stranded in Texas because she ran out of gas....even though the car tells you how many miles it has before it runs out...like i said, she incredibly stupid 

3) she tried to slither in my life by sending a pic via snap to Anna and then said “oops my finger slipped” ummm its snapchat and thats not how it works stupid ( and this is one of her go to ploys so like lol why?) it was also a pic of a boot that she gave me but its ugly so i gave it back. idk what her whole plan was but it backfire because Anna just blocked her.

4) Quinn came back <3

5) i am obsessed and cant seem to stop stalking her so now imma try just being crazy in blog form to see if my needy bpd self can CHILL. cuz ug i just want to stab her...like 37 times...in the face (it would be an improvement)