#also if you read this far in the tags and wanna know the real secret

[onyourstageleft]

smoked a blunt last night and spent a half hour writing out this 'poll' in a note on my phone

[allgoldenelite]

Ibushi as a guest on Nagata's channel translation/summary

I wrote up this summary of the two part video featuring Ibushi as a guest on Nagata Yûji's channel. There's some nice stuff in here, especially about his relationship with Nagata and how he came to ultimately sign with AEW, but some real bummers as well, such as injuries and NJPW history. Read at your own discretion.

Give the videos a view and a like here and here

Part 1

After a bit of a sneak peek for what's ahead in the episode, Nagata introduces Ibushi and they both share how happy they are about meeting each other and that this video happened. Nagata makes some remarks about Ibushi's weight that I'm gonna spare you. They last saw each other in person 2 1/2 years ago and Nagata was really sad that Ibushi disappeared from NJPW and the wrestling world in general because he's such an outstanding talent and person. It was sad but he knows a lot (in the negative sense) happened.

(as a side note this video was made with permission from NJPW; Ibushi seems a bit apprehensive/surprised about that but Nagata is like "we're friends so of course this is okay"; take that however you will (Nagata's channel, like many wrestler channels, is tightly scripted and controlled))

The first segment is about what Ibushi has been up to lately. He moved, although not far away from where he used to live, like it's still in the same area. The new home has a garage so he has made that his training compound now, but he still goes to the secret base for wrestling training etc.

They talk about the IPWRI and how there's lots of MMA fighters coming to him cause they want to try out or be serious about wrestling. There's been more and more people joining, and Kikutarô (you saw him last in a short multiman with Ibushi at GLEAT Version Mega) and 2 wrestlers from West Gate Wrestling Federation (where the Golden Lovers once had a very entertaining tag match against Hachimitsu Jirô and Antonio Koinoki; not that's not a typo) are also part of the "roster" now.

It's not really relevant but I gotta mention it for the comedy and the brainrot: the 2 wrestlers from West Gate are called Nakamura Chinsuke and Tanabota Hiroshi ("chin" here means "weird but interesting" and "tanabota" means "godsend") and Nagata mentions he has a knockoff called Nagata GU lmao.

Ibushi gets asked if anyone can join, and he says yeah, if the vibes match. That there hasn't really been anyone he hasn't been on the same wavelength with except maybe [this part is censored, I assume it's something business related since he mentions a place]. Anyway, he loves people so there isn't really anyone that he thinks won't fit.

Nagata talks about how he knew about Ibushi even 20 years ago because he had heard there was a really good wrestler in DDT who was skinny but was doing all this amazing highflying moves and kicks and stuff from Nakajima Katsuji, who is a reporter and former board member in NJPW.

They talk about how they randomly met on a tour when NOAH was also doing a tour in the same city and he saw him at a convenience store, some time in 2009 after Ibushi had made his debut for NJPW as a junior heavyweight. Ibushi on the other hand remembers Nagata from watching him on TV, like his match in the finals of the Young Lion Cup against Kendô Kashin. Those are unforgettable matches for him. It's cute because he came up to Nagata as a fan even when he was in NJPW because he wanted to ask him about this match and that. Makabe and co used to joke around with him like "bro you're stanning".

Next they transition into talking about his time under double contracts. I won't bore you with some of this because it's well-known I think and if you wanna brush up you can always check out this page from my translations (ctrl + f for "double contracts"). The short of it is that Ibushi made an impression on NJPW with his Best Bout against Nakamura during the G1 2013 among other things, and when they offered to sign him he was like, I'd rather stay with DDT also.

Nagata mentions that Ibushi's match against Nakamura at the Dome in 2015 saved him. He had been in the main event at the Dome 7 times until then, and that year was the first year he was in the royal ranbo (before the start of the official show). He won that match but implies he felt down and dejected, like he was just doing a job. But he saw Ibushi and Nakamura in the semi main and it re-ignited his fighting spirit. Like he had been feelings the effects of aging and had no real aspirations in wrestling anymore, even wondering if he should quit altogether. But that match gave him his will to keep wrestling back. Ibushi is an important person for Nagata because he would tell him how much he respects him to his face and mean it. There are several wrestlers in NJPW that are special to him, like Nakamura, but Ibushi is extra special in that sense.

For Ibushi, Nagata also means a lot because he represents the kind of wrestling he loves the most (leaving the highflying aside), like the ground wrestling kind with lots of kicks and suplexes (he talks in his book about how much he loves taking suplexes lol so I'm not surprised).

They begin talking about Ibushi's time as double champion and his unification of the belts (they keep kayfabe for this but you should know NJPW made him do this as a scapegoat for the decision), and how much of a pressure that was for him to deliver as the first ever IWGP World Heavyweight champion. There were so many tough, big matches he had over a long time so he had his moments of thinking that this is just too much. He considered it an honor to be one of the wrestlers who carried NJPW through the early pandemic but at the same time there was an imbalance between his body and his mind, eventually he just broke. Nagata says he can relate because he defended the IWGP belt 10 times when he became champion in 2002. Especially with this being during the dark age when wrestlers left NJPW to go to other promotions or found their own MMA promotions during the MMA boom, so there was a period of half a year when he could only sleep with sleeping pills. After he dropped the belt he slept for 3 days straight. They talk a bit about Ospreay since Ibushi dropped the belt to him but it's mostly in kayfabe and I'm gonna spare you that as well.

Ibushi's last match in NJPW, in other words the botched Phoenix Splash that would put him out for a long time, is the next topic. He mentions how he doesn't really remember anything surrounding that accident because he hit his head on the mat, he believes. He thought he could still go but then his shoulder hurt like hell and the match was over before he knew what was happening. Nagata watched the match backstage and he told Ibushi afterwards, "You got this, what makes one truly strong is getting back up from setbacks like this", and Ibushi really really appreciated that because it wasn't just a pat on the back and a quick "Hang in there". Like Nagata was about the only one who would always have something positive to say to him in situations like that. Nagata wanted to say something that came from the heart because Ibushi was one of the young people keeping NJPW going as the next generation, and because the 2013 match had helped him out so much and he wanted to repay the favor.

It was a time for Ibushi (as you know) when he contemplated retiring altogether, and Nagata was the first one to contact him after the whole Kikuchi/exploitation thing. Nagata was worried cause he saw his tweets, and he knew how he felt and everything but he wanted to tell him that he is a pillar of NJPW. Nagata is like "I know you're sensitive and that all that weight they put on your shoulders was probably too much", and Ibushi agrees. He says that throughout NJPW's history there's always been these singular people who carry the company, that he can relate while he was still at the top and that it's often hard (he doesn't exactly criticize it—keep in mind what I said in the beginning—but still it was nice to see them rightfully "bashing" NJPW's style here for a bit).

Part 2

Then about a month or so after leaving NJPW, Ibushi was contacted by Kenny/AEW. Kenny was like, "How about wrestling for AEW?" and Ibushi was like "Uh, sorry, maybe it's time for me to quit wrestling...", so he refused the offer at first. When asked by Nagata why he says that he tried to not confront wrestling itself, it wasn't just the NJPW thing.

So [AEW?] kept offering, and one time Kenny is like, "All right, come to hang out in the US" and so he went there, assuming it would be nothing, and then Kenny was like, "Okay, Ibushi, do or die." He says he got "tricked" (in a positive sense). Kenny was like, "We'll go and watch an AEW match", and since that was a match that Kenny would be in, Ibushi was like, "Oh, where should I stay in the meantime? Like, the hotel or...?" and Kenny is like, "No, you're coming with." So he went to the venue and watched it (backstage I assume) and it made him want to do wrestling again (hard to pin down the time frame of this).

He was thinking like, Kenny is my friend and he's working so hard, what am I doing here not working hard? They talked about it and he made one-off appearances in AEW here and there after that, and then by the 2nd or 3rd time he signed with them. Nagata is like, that sounds just like when you saved me back in the day, that's what friends do for each other. Ibushi thought that he wouldn't fall back in love with wrestling but (watching this match) made him fall back in love with it. His in ring instinct is slowly coming back as well and although he hasn't returned to AEW yet he hopes to make more things happen in the future.

He gets asked how his injuries are going and he says his right ankle, the one he got surgery for, is doing well, it healed really fast (was supposed to take a year but took 4 months), but it's his left ankle that's bothering him now, it's been hurting for a long time because he kept working through it (you can see he's walking weird now because of this, like in the match at GLEAT). When asked if he feels in shape (for wrestling) he says he doesn't, like his current 100% was his 60% back when he was in top shape, but he is doing his best to get back there.

The next segment is about how wrestling styles (have to) change with age. Nagata basically says that a highflying style is as risky as it is devastating and enticing, but Ibushi has a knack for always reinventing himself and if he thinks back to someone like Kobashi, who would do moonsault over moonsault when he was younger but became unable to do them when his knees got worse, he remembers thinking that this is what it means to build a career and legacy when he saw how loud the crowd would get for just one moonsault once kobashi was older, because it was so special. So he thinks Ibushi should use that to his advantages and build a new, nice style for himself in the ring. He says he hopes he keeps hanging in there after everything that happened.

Ibushi says that he has also grown estranged from wrestling in many ways but he will always wrestle he thinks, and he hopes to come back with a new style. Nagata is really happy that he seems to be doing so much better and that he wants to keep wrestling and that Kenny was there for him as his friend to give him that motivation back.

They talk about how Ibushi posted pictures of them on Instagram the other day and he gets asked about how Kenny is doing health-wise. He says Kenny told him he'd be able to come back in about 2 to 3 months from now, something like that. Nagata is like, that must be really hard for him, I heard it's rather gruesome, and Ibushi is like, it's still bothering him a lot, like sometimes he takes an hour in the bathroom, he has to find out what kind of food he can absorb and what kind is a no-go, stuff like that.

Ibushi gets asked if he can see the Golden Lovers making a comeback and he's like, "Absolutely." He thinks that no doubt, once he himself comes back Kenny will also come back. He says they are rivals but they're also friends. They're friends who carry a bit of a sense of rivalry towards each other, so for him it's like, he has no doubt in his mind that Kenny is thinking, "If Ibushi comes back I gotta come back as well." Nagata is like "Wow that guy is a trooper. You got yourself a good partner and friend there" and Ibushi is like "He really is" (you hear that? that's the heart of the homo writing this bursting).

Ibushi is like, I guess I'm banned from appearing in NJPW lol? and Nagata is like, why'd you have to say something like this just when we were talking about something nice??? and everyone laughs. He says he brought it up thinking about what (they?) wanna do in the future, and he would really love to face Nagata + someone (as the GL). So he was like, well I guess that won't work in NJPW. Nagata is like, as long as it's on my own produce show it should be possible. He asks if Ibushi would like to tag with him or face him and Ibushi is like, I'd love to do both.

They talk a bit more about how Nagata doesn't think the president (Tanahashi) would say no to this (it's unclear if he still means just his own produce show (since he gets permission from the company for these if there are wrestlers from other promotions on them) or Ibushi actually appearing in NJPW proper) and that it'd be such a waste since Ibushi has gotten back his positive mindset and has dreams for wrestling again. They thank each other for the nice talk and express once more how glad they are to have been able to meet.

Nagata jokes that Ibushi is his senpai when it comes to YouTube since his channel has existed longer than his, but Ibushi is like, I'm so bad with uploads tho and then he points at Imanari offscreen and jokingly yells like, "Upload a new video!" (btw a little behind the scenes look for this video also landed on Ibushi's channel lol). They do the ゼァ together and it's very cute. Fin.

[rhiannons-bird]

okay so I‘M FINALLY READING SWORD CATCHER AND I HAVE THOUGHTS

I‘m only about halfway through but I need to rant

- it‘s incredible how well cassie manages to lend a unique voice to each of her characters every single time. she just doesn’t miss does she?

- lin caster is the awesomest girl. i just love her because she reminds me of other cc girls in the way that she is kind of a very typical heroine on the surface but you can actually feel her emotions and she’s very believable & flawed & human and you just can’t help rooting for her + i love her friendship with mariam

- everyone is bisexual & it’s completely normalised i love it here

- lin & conor??? apparently they are the flagship which I know because I took a peek at the tag after they had two scenes together because the ENERGY OMG

- ahh yes, conor 😌 another pretty man with issues who’s in a lot of trouble and likes to cover it up with sarcasm, pompous behaviour, fancy clothes & vanity- you just can’t help but love it

- but also he‘s the biggest prick and i want him to have some sense beat into him by everyone around him

- like he qualifies for a huge growth arc but it could also go downhill and turn into sth ugly

- anyone had a weird sense of déjà vu about him and lin after that one little excerpt about adessa and suleman? like, she’s an ashkar with probably immense magical potential let’s be real i see where this is going and he‘s a prince (future king) with marivent blood 🤔🤔🤔

- conor‘s frat boy posse make my blood boil- especially with the way they talked about antonetta in that one scene 🤢🤮

- falconet is the nicest one by far but he‘s sus as hell i know he’s up to sth 🤨 but i rly wanna like him 😭

- the ragpicker king is just a cool dude who dresses emo and has people murdered on the regular i guess i love him. he’s hot. - kaz energy but also very different at the same time. can‘t wait to see more of him. and there’s def more to him.

- also no, andreyen, i don‘t understand either what people mean about ji-an having an off putting manner i‘m pretty convinced she‘s never done anything wrong in her entire life 💗except for the murder what murder

- kel can only be described as a calmly unhinged cinnamon roll. he reminds me a little of james (especially with his „mask“) but if you orphaned him & janked up the loyalty & sluttiness by a hundred

- like fr he is so confused just running around threatening and/or kissing people wtf 😭✋🏼 he just has chemistry with everyone he interacts with lol

- kel & conor remind me of matthew & james but if there was a big power imbalance and a everything is a little more fucked up 🙃

- generally the way power & power dynamics are portrayed and handled is very interesting i like it

- antonetta has my entire heart ❤️

- I need more of her but as an individual not just through kel‘s pov, so far i’m not very big on whatever is being hinted at with her and kel

- I adore merren just like everyone else, he‘s kind of giving a weird mix of christopher/matthew/wylan and I‘m here for it. plus: autism coded character yeass

- also nice to see some jewish rep. (i did not know cassie was jewish before lol) the ashkar are really interesting (& as far as their treatment by the rest of the world goes at times infuriating😤) to read about and add a lot of depth to the world building.

- i love how we see the complexities of their culture portrayed through lin who on the one hand is deeply ingrained in it and holds/has received a lot of love & care for/from her own people while also having been wronged & ostracised by them and how both can be true simultaneously

- as someone who‘s very familiar with multiple romance languages the languages in this book are incredibly entertaining to me

- SO MANY SECRETS & political intrigue hehehe rubbing my little hands together can’t wait for all this to escalate (because it most certainly will) 😈

bottom line

I’m really glad i finally started reading this.

it took me a while to get into it & I’m still holding out on a final judgement since it seems very slow but i’m a patient reader and i appreciate a good setup.

also I want a creepy black crocodile pool in my house now.

[ihni]

Fic rec tag game

(And yes, I'm making a new one because I feel like it)

Rules (more like "guidelines" ...): Rec some fics that fit the categories below (feel free to skip some if you want)! Maybe tag some people if you want. And if you see this and think this looks like fun, consider yourself tagged! :)

I'll start. And I have read a LOT so I'm gonna say right now that it's gonna be difficult to pick just ONE fic for each category ... (Also if I mention your fic in this, yes you're automatically tagged)

~~~

Fic that made you laugh: Play with me (Stranger Things) by @sanguine-tenshi In which Tommy, Billy, Steve and Eddie are trapped in the Upside Down for a while, and do what bored boys do when they're bored. No, not that XD "Boys being boys" at its best!

Fic that made you cry: panache (Stranger Things) by zoetropes In which ... I can't even explain it all. Just. Prom, guys. All you need to know is that I ugly-cried at chapter 17 and that I love it so much that I learned how to animate gifs simply so I could express my emotions over it. (When this fic is done I wanna print it and eat it)

Fic that made your heart melt: Prince Among Wolves (Teen Wolf) by Wrenegade (Wrenegadeone) The one where Derek has twins and work too much with his important work, and Stiles is the most awesome babysitter ever. I just ... melt over this one. And to think that once, I foolishly believed I didn't like kid fics ...

Fic that made you have to take a break while reading (perhaps you had to get up and walk the room for a bit): Third Person Singular (The Hobbit) by Wealhtheow21 Companion piece to another fic, "To Find Our Long-Forgotten Gold" which is also so good. Written from Kíli's POV, with language so CHOPPY and ... poignant? That it sometimes felt like a punch to the throat.

Old fic that for whatever reason stayed with you over the years: Responsibility (SeaQuest) by Jules In which everyone gets sick and Lucas has to take care of everyone and everything and whoopsie, some baddies are trying to take over the ship. I haven't read it in forever, I can't find it anywhere now, but I remember loving it. Lovely, lovely exhaustion fic.

Fic that inspired you to do something in real life: The Garrison Reserve (The Musketeers) by chapstickaddict and readwing In which they're all running a restaurant together. This fic combines my love for fic with the love for food, and made me buy wine for the first time in my life so I could make a proper risotto. (It was so good, too)

Fic that inspired you to do some kind of fanwork (+what that fanwork was): Words Left Unsaid (Stranger Things) by @lemonlovely In which the boys get to know each other and grow closer. I will forever subscribe to this fic <3 (And it inspired a rhyme: "Another boy's mother")

Fic that introduced you to a favorite trope: Persistence Hunting (Guardians of the Galaxy) by grocketinmypocket In which Peter proves that humans are indeed terrifying creatures. I read it for the first time ten years ago. Got me into the whole humans-are-space-orcs thing. Love it.

Fic that you'd consider a guilty pleasure (bad term for it though, no fics should make you feel guilty because fanworks are life!): Rich Man's World (The Flash) by @robininthelabyrinth Accountant!Len. Whenever I need a pick-me-up, I can always fall back on this random, but utterly lovely fic.

Fic with a ship you didn't really consider until this fic: Secrets Make This Town (Stranger Things) by @thingsalexwrites In which ... you know what? Read the summary. It's Billy/Steve/Hopper, and it's so soft and sweet (despite being basically porn).

A WIP you love: In Your Reflection (Stranger Things) by @stuffinggroves / Timetravelersunited In which Billy deals with hunger. Which I am so weak for in fics! Love this fic so far, it brings me joy.

An all-time favorite fic (AN, note that I wrote AN ... not THE): Grievance (Thor) by @peaceheather In which Loki is promptly and publicly adopted by a capable and caring Tyr. It's amazing. The whole "Odin's son, Tyr's son" series is amazing. I have it printed.

~~~

And, just 'cause, let me tag some people (feel free to ignore, of course): @dragonflylady77 @callieb @weird-an @desperate-not-serious @robthegoodfellow and uuuuh I'm too tired to add more - if you wanna do it, please do it :) I wanna see your recs.

[livvyofthelake]

please talk about your fuckass book you just finished <3

ok yay :) i literally neeeeeed to talk about it in relation to other books i’ve read recently so that’s what i’m gonna do here i heart making every book a conversation with each other… so you’ll all have to forgive me for comparing call me by your name to the dream thieves of raven cycle fame but i need to. its a comparison that literally begs to be spoken about. to me. i also need to compare it to the secret history and the sun and the star and most importantly. well we all saw the timeless video. we need to get into that as well!!

obviously what sets it apart from all of my genre bullshit is that it is NOT genre bullshit, like it's just set in italy 1983 in the normal universe. which made it one of the most unique books i've read this year to be honest and real.... i have NOT been reading normal ass books... earlier i compared elio's narration to the great gatsby but i literally have just only read very few real world narrative novels i've got gatsby, richard, and this i guess. i'm working on it though!

anyway it was veryyy richard core in the sense that it's being narrated from some point in the future where elio is reflecting on that summer and oliver and what it meant to his life at large, where richard does the same thing with narrating his time at college with his greek class and bunny's murder. reflecting on two very different things unless you wanna look at it with the keen eye of a total nutcase and then i could say that they're both simply reflecting on what it was like to be seen and known by someone who turned out to not be what you hoped and you didn't end up with him despite it all. richard papen you would have loveddd call me by your name... wow. elio pearlman you would have loved the secret history...

it was ALSO very the dream thieves core in the sense that um. well me when i'm gay and having kind of a hard time working with that and there's a guy who's just like me in a bad way who wants to fuck me so bad we both look stupid as hell... but through it all there is the through line of intimacy that comes from being Recognized… rip joseph kavinsky you would have LOVED call me by your name!!!!!!!!!!! (would ronan lynch love cmbyn? well no!)

i ALSO only wanted to talk about it in relation to the sun and the star because they’re both like. ok Gay Representation is not a genre but they’re both books about gay people that i read recently so like. yeah. it’s crazy how glaring the difference between those two books is for things that both get tagged “lgbtq+” on storygraph or however many of those letters that website uses idk. like one of them is clearly written so some dude could pat himself on the back for giving the kiddos Representation in his stupid ass franchise and the other is just some fuckass book written by a totalllll freak that happens to be about gay people. in essence one made me so mad to read and the other was fine. i would never go so far as to describe a man’s work as great though. chappell roan voice i don’t think men make good art. !!! and i really believe that sorry. when a man impresses me i will let you all know but it is very rare…

which brings us to the timeless video. for everyone who somehow missed that that means (you’re fake btw 🙄) the timeless video is an amv i made last summer when i wanted to make an amv for my guys from my books but obviously they’re from books. so what i did instead was gather a bunch of characters from movies and shows that reminded me of MY guys and edit them to taylor swift’s timeless. because it’s like. other lives and i see them in everything. anyway so elio and oliver made it into the timeless video despite all the sort of mean stuff i’ve said about oliver lately (not even my fault he fuckin sucks btw) and the fact that their relationship is not like. Endgame. BECAUSE of my favorite scene. from the movie not the book. this scene was lame as hell in the book it’s the part that made me go wow i think perhaps the film is much better!! the “is it better to speak or to die” scene… i talked about it earlier but genuinely that happened to my buddy kit herondale…. and then he said something and it didn’t go very well!!!!

anyway. yay i <3 blogging on my break at work!

[pricemarshfield]

15 lines tag!

i was tagged by @gwynbleidd !! late because i Forgot so sorry jackie 😭 losing the fight against adhd lately

RULES: share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture their character/personality/vibe. Bonus points for just using dialogue without other details about the scene, but you’re free to include those as well.

i tag anyone who’d like to talk about their ocs, but also @wretcheddthing (🫵 excuse to write venali GO!!!) @atrueneutral (i love your tav and am so curious what lines you think would sum her up, if you wanna share) and @pouralaura (would love to see more from eris, if you like!)

as always, no pressure if you don’t want to, and under the cut to avoid spam :) this is a long post bc i write dialogue more in paragraphs than in lines sorry. chose tav, helena (personal problem bea), aphrodite (all things end bea), and leta for this! if the format is bad I Tried tumblr post editor was fighting me every step of the way

tav khoury (bg3, tempest cleric of talos/college of lore bard) because she’s my darling. tried to use mostly lines from upcoming wips but a fair portion from talk because that whole fic is just yapping (and also smut but like. they don't shut up)

"Trust me." "No, not at all. But perhaps I would be open to negotiating. Though I’m sure that option is closed, now, and I’m rather disinclined to part with my soul. I’m already fighting to keep my mind intact, if you recall." "Perhaps I’m less generous than you." "To your credit, you were a real challenge." "And you are far more committed to the pretty words than I’d have liked." "And with a devil, trust is far less useful than clearly defined terms." "I won’t squander an advantage for vengeance alone." "You misunderstand me. Something like this suits me far better than abject submission." "I won't beg, but I'll otherwise be the perfect damsel for you for the rest of the night. You can have my simpering submission, my perfect, obsequious obedience, knowing you'll have earned none of it." "Any use I could make of the thing would force me into a precarious situation, and I’d rather utilize the reputation of a savior than a tyrant. Also, Lae’zel may kill me if I don’t find a way to get that hammer in her hands, and as I’ve said, I’m not stupid enough to steal from you." "Don't flatter me. It won't work." "If you're going to try to manipulate me, at least do a better job than the fucking Emperor. Honestly, I expect more from you." "My goodness, are you sure? And here I thought making a bet with a devil in his own boudoir was the pinnacle of good behavior. Really, Haarlep, I..." "The limit of what I can bear? I can take anything you throw at me." "Tempestuous, really."

helena hughes (these are all from personal problem and p much all from the early chapters because i am lazyyy and because that fic is 200k. also hi if you cared enough to read under the cut i am actually working on the next chapter it's like 15k rn)

"Oh, what snacks do you want? I'll make sure Lexi doesn't melt into the seat like the Wicked Witch of Applied Anthropology." "I mean, you're not my professor." "Knew you wanted a piece of me." "Maybe a fantasy or two." "Please kiss me back." "No, I know, thinking back it's really dumb and honestly, kind of mean? No, not kind of. It's mean. But it seemed like a good idea? And it was really hot." "She feels...real, you know? Like, completely outside of all this drama with the rankings and The T and Poppy." "—that was mostly to mess with Poppy—" "Were you jealous?" "I get that we have to keep things secret, I get that it's risky, but I want this and you want this, so what's the issue?" "Hey, how about you let me tell you what I want? I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions." "No. Just letting you know that, uh, I win. So sorry, but you were barely even competition." "I'm sure you'd have me doing far more hands-on work." "Are we gonna actually have sex, or are you guys gonna just talk about my underwear all night?" "You're the one who's obsessed with me."

aphrodite hughes (a couple of these lines are tweaked versions of the in-game ones but i didn't include anything i didn't think was changed enough to justify putting in here and calling at least kind of mine. the first one only the zinger at the end but it's SOOO aphrodite i had to include it)

"Who died, your dignity? Or is this some sort of repentance outfit Mommy and Daddy are making you wear for humiliating them at the Year End Gala? Sorry. Not Daddy." "I get that everyone on this campus is thirsty for gossip, but she's not my type, even if I was dumb enough to get involved with a professor. But nope, y'all are just making something out of nothing! If Belvoire loves anything, it's rumors, right?" "Poptart, just 'cause you're obsessed with me doesn't mean I want anything to do with you. Like I told you last year, you're not my type." "As for...what did you call Selene here? A walking, talking Billabong ad? Look at how cute she is. I think you're just jealous." "I didn't mean to, like, pressure you. You're just so fucking pretty, I'm..." "Hey, she's my girlfriend, back off." "But I wasn't seeing her, and I was able to convince her when i explained how limiting my ability to take classes when Belvoire has so few professors related to my major. Only had to mention lawyers once, and voila!" "Everyone else in the class can be boring or dumb as hell, and I know you're neither." "Wow, suuuuuch a good line." "Your stepdad's, you mean, your dad is a preschool teacher. Funny you forgot to mention it! Plus, isn't Piers' studio the one recasting Tinsley in the F is for Friends sequel?" "To be honest, I mostly just thought you were hot and I love how much of a shit-stirrer you are." "Are you being rude? Wait, forget I asked, that's as pointless a question as are you breathing or are your roots still showing." "You know, I was thinking of you the whole time." "You realize that the only shot you have is to embarrass yourself more than you already have, bitch. I can't believe you're getting a new job just to chase after someone who doesn't even want you." "—this isn't a catfight, but I am happy to oblige—"

leta brereton (SHAKING with the effort of not providing context for these ones honestly, since i haven't actually posted much about her yet but i do love her so much)

"Look, I get that we're not in the best place we could be, but if you ever get mad at me for keeping a child from being murdered again, I'll kill you before the tadpole can. Understood?" "I'm not bluffing, I am being dead fucking serious" "I really can't think of a single world in which I say no to that. Or, uh, to anything you ask, wow." "Ugh. Your god's justice seems lacking. Or devil's wrath, whichever." "Wyll, does your contract say anything about if someone who isn't you kills her? Because I would be really fucking happy to." "Would you get off my case? Just 'cause I don't approve of child murder doesn't mean I'll turn down gold." "I keep you around because you're fucking good at what you do, dickhead. And you make me laugh, sometimes. Shouldn't have said that, you're gonna be so fucking annoying about it." "Oh, fuck yes, yeah, I'm down. Shadowheart can heal me if it goes bad. Uh, or Withers if it goes really bad." "Trust you? Trust you?! You're lucky I don't end you right now!" "Shut up, jackass, I don't have to like you to keep you safe. You're one of ours, I'm one of yours. Long as that's true, you've got my axe." "What's the use of a wizard if he can't figure out a spell for me to be able to kiss you? No, stop, Gale, I'm joking—" "Uh. Sorry? Are you hitting on me? Wow. I mean, it's fine, I'm flattered, but, uh...why?" "Don't tell anyone. I'll be fine in a minute. I just want some quiet." "Hey. Are you actually alright with this? I can tell her I chickened out if you're not." "I...fine, but only because you've been way nicer than I'd—oh."

[kinki-cami]

Nah sonic final boss music got me feeling like super sonic/team super sonic and super shadow could beat the shit out of the affini

I mean da faq they gunna do against chaos control, both sonic and shadow can do it (see sonic 06) and sonic already killed a fucking giant spaceship oh AND A BEING WHO LITERALLY EATED TIME and Sonic Robot Cthulu God (metal overlord)

Oh i almost forgot: chaos god too (Perfect Chaos) speaking of all of those bosses cpuld probably defeat the affini too (except maybe The End) i mean Neo Metal: shapeshift to hide as an affini, then Assimilate their ship into your form as metal overlord, Time Eater Eated time, need i say more (and is also mostly clockwork and phantasm so theres not really programming to corrupt) and giant Antideluvian Chaos God who literally created the term 'antideluvian' and is made purely of water: unless they have a death star, they aint killing perfect Chaos

Im sorry Open yoyr heart got stuck in my head and it got me thinkin

No inwont tag this bc this was simply me being autistic and i will be heavily embarrassed if anyone actually finds and reads this, oh and no tags means not even "my post" tags

I swear if you read this far just kill me stg (this is a joke) but hey umm that means your in the less than 1% who like me ranting for no reason interesting so umm yeah, havent had that happen, mostly due to people irl not liking me too much and not having a way to deal with my depression, hey you know what since you did heres a secret: i tried to off myself once, i failed tho uhh and my brains favorite dissociation technique is being so hyperaware of the situation it hurts, ive only dissociated properly once and that was when i made popcorn and just wanted some for myself but mother wanted some and i was already depressed and i didnt wanna go througb the effort of using thebpopcorn machine so i wanted to make it on the stove but because mother said the stove popcorn was gross and i HAD to make it i had to use the popcorn machine and i just sorta... broke like everything went numb and i couldnt feel amd everything felt so distant the worst part was i had a "therapist" (doctors were saying i hate eating when that was a lie so they had me in this therapy to try to get me tl eat more or something but she, i dont think gave a shit bc she was apparently getting paid minimum wage) and when i told her abojt it, mind you last time i said ibwas read a philosophy book, i told her yeah the other day nothing felt real, and she responded with, ah you doing some more philosophy again nice, and yeah so fuck that uhh no one will ever read this lmfao soo yeah uhh cheers peoples in my head

[mllekurtz]

shadowgast wip recs part 1

(part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 3.5 - part 4 - part 4.5)

-- aka the 'drop everything and read' list

i reblogged a couple of fic updates recently that are among my favourites in the shadowgast tag, and it occurred to me that i haven't made a shadowgast fic rec list yet, so here you go: all the fics i'm subscribed to that make me stay up past my bedtime or procrastinate on work every time an update notification graces my inbox.

A Tapestry of Stars (E, 10/40 chapters) by cinderstorm

the author's summary says it best: it's a shadowgast arranged marriage au in space. the stakes are really high on both sides (but especially caleb's), essek is a prickly, lonely researcher, and every interaction between them will make you hold your breath. i'm enjoying the side characters very much as well. very strongly recommended.

*

amongst the things left unforgiven (M, 10/18 chapters) by @nonwal

reformed villains my beloveds ♥ this is an essek/caleb/astrid/eodwulf post-canon fic, and it's really worth it for the dysfunctionally affectionate relationship between essek and the scourgers, as well as the slow, slow burn.

*

(Do I wanna know?) If this feelin' flows both ways? (M, 4/? chapters) by @floatysparrowthing/Criticalpancake

i'm cheating a little because i'm betaing this one, but i have dropped everything to read a new chapter before and i will do it again. this modern au is a present for me specifically in every sense of the word, because it has so many things i love: friends with benefits, miscommunications, essek making friends with frumpkin, dry humour, an amazing atmosphere.

*

freedom of maneuver (T, 1/3 chapters) by idontreallylikebutterflies (Laulerelelere)

another modern au, with only one chapter out so far but it goes on the list as well. lau is one of my favourite authors and handles the secret relationship trope so well. delicious, can't wait to read more. also essek will definitely get a good grade in friendship, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve!

*

go then, there are other worlds than these (T, 5/6 chapters) by treeviality

this is a blanket recommendation to read everything from treeviality, who is an extraordinarily gifted writer. i reread this fic regularly while waiting for updates and it makes me feel things every time. the timeline shenanigans are very well constructed, the pacing is flawless, and each chapter leaves you wanting for more (especially the last one, which ends in a cliffhanger that i may or may not think about very often).

*

Hard Mouth (M, 3/14 chapters) by @road-rhythm

this fic is unique. the different povs are handled so well, the banter is A+, the characterisation is consistent with canon but has a very original spin, the writing style is so sharp you could cut yourself with it, and the narrative choices are bold and intriguing. i respect everything this fic is doing.

*

I’ve been lost before (and I’m lost again, I guess) (M, 3/15 chapters) by @rainydaymonk/toneofjoy

a rock climbing au. look, when i see a weird au (affectionate), i always click on it, because chances are it's a treat. in this case, the author really knows what they're talking about and it makes for a sweet, compelling, emotionally charged story with a unique setting. you don't need to know anything about rock climbing to enjoy this (though i have several friends who practice, so i'm having lots of fun understanding all the references and learning the english jargon. i have been a ~belay partner~ apparently, which i have to admit sounds really cool).

*

Paradigm Shift (T, 15/26 chapters) by @a-shadowgast-blog/full-time-dreamer-behold

a lovely, well-paced workplace romance. the will they/won't they will keep you on the edge of your seat, and the supporting cast is very well rounded, so every interaction feels real. i don't miss working in an office at all, but this fic almost makes me feel nostalgic for it.

*

Something To Believe In (T, 12/? chapters) by @awesomefrogofawesome/AwesomeFroggy

another lovely modern au, very fluffy and feel-good in the best of ways. i don't think anything bad happens in this fic? which sometimes is exactly what you need.

*

things that gods despise (M, 18/19 chapters)by @dawl-and-dapple

cheating again because i beta this one as well, and it delights me to no end. yes, i've already recced this recently, and i will rec it again. an urban fantasy au that reads like a novel i would have devoured in an afternoon at 16. both the shadowgast and the beauyasha relationships are delicious, and caleb and beau's friendship is a real highlight of this fic.

*

this quintessence of dust (T, 10/? chapters) by @viciousmollymaukery

kiwi, you had me at 'there was only one bed' but everything about this fic is precious. dark academia modern au, very funny, the serious parts are handled with extreme gentleness, and they're in love, your honor.

[damn-stark]

The Trouble ch.8

A/N- tell me how you liked it!! The ending is coming soon.

Warning- ANGST, talks of loss and grief, ptsd, violence, blood, light fluff, SPOILIERS if you haven’t played the game.

Pairing- Jesse x fem!reader

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

——

Here. Finally.

It took a long time, but you arrived.

Maybe you regretted it a little, feeling the sun burn your skin as it scorched down, but there was no turning back now. You’ve made it this far. Santa Barbara, and hopefully one step closer to reaching Ellie.

Albeit you knew you weren’t going to find anything on the abandoned boat that you came to. Everything here seemed to be untouched for a couple months, if this was Abby, she was long gone now.

“Has Ellie passed by here?” You couldn't help but wonder out loud whilst you stepped out of the cabin and walked off to jump off the boat—Is she even here?—you think to yourself.

Nevertheless You couldn’t stay out here in this damn blazing sun for too long, nor could you stay so below, you needed to get to higher ground. You could possibly find something there—your eyes lift to the house that overlooked the ocean behind you and getting there, or just getting higher was your goal. And it wasn’t a tough thing to do, the terrain was easy to get through, you just expected the neighborhood you ran into, Messa Bluff, to be tough. All neighborhoods were. Those not used anyway.

You pulled out your gun expecting to hear, or see any sort of infected roaming mindlessly in the streets, but as you walked towards the first house you saw, there was dead infected on the ground. And it could be an old body, but as your eyes roamed it’s ugly figure, you noticed the fresh blood that spilled from the wound on its head. Some of it was still pouring out of its corpse, so it was just killed.

“Hmm,” you sigh before you lift your eyes from its body and continue towards the house, noticing not just a few feet ahead another freshly killed infected—someone’s here.

Your eyes flicker up to the house and you just hoped it was Ellie.

*A FEW YEARS AGO*

“We actually have a girl around the same age as you,” Tommy directs to Ellie who sat by herself on the reading chair. “She should be coming from her classes soon.��

“Classes?” Joel questions. “You guys have a school?”

Maria nods her head. “For the younger kids we do, but y/n is learning to become a doctor.”

Ellie heard them talk but she could hardly care, sure she might want friends if staying here was for the long haul, she didn’t want to be alone cooped up in her room, but she hardly cared to meet someone at the moment. She was bored, hungry and frustrated, but perhaps that was the hunger. All she wanted to do was go to her room and see what she could decorate it with.

Yet Joel stayed in his brother's house talking about random things that came up, but Ellie knew that he was waiting for you, the girl Tommy and Maria had mentioned, so she could meet you. But you surely took your time to get to your house, and once you did, you rushed in unaware of the guests in your living room. Albeit Ellie had noticed you first, she caught your muddy shoes in your hand that you tried to hide behind you, she noticed the urgency and panic in your face that she had seen on other people many times. She couldn’t help but wonder what you had done in your nursing classes to have ended with your shoes caked in mud, and for your first instinct once you got to your house was to dart to your room without as much as a glance at the obvious chatter in your living room.

And luckily for you, you got stopped before you could reach the stairs. “Hey, Y/N, wait up.” Maria called out after your fleeting figure.

“Yes?” You ask as you poke your head past the wall, noticing in that instant an older man with hair a deep grey color, and visible scars on his face that only made him appear intimidating and rugged; he also looked familiar, but you’ve never seen him in your life—“oh.” You mouth before your eyes flicker over to a red-headed girl slouched on the reading chair, her green eyes brightened by the sunlight kissing her face while she obviously studied your face. She also looked intimidating, but not as much as the man, and one thing you couldn’t help but notice was that she looked young. Which, you didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing, yet.

“Come over here and introduce yourself,” Tommy waved you over.

You sigh, but don’t argue as to not look suspicious, instead you throw your backpack on the stairs and regretfully put your shoes on top of it, making sure to cover them with your coat before you walk towards the living room.

“Hello,” you greet the man and the girl still on the couch with a faint smile. “I’m y/n.”

“Y/N, this is my brother Joel.” Tommy introduced him as he fell by your side, the new information letting you realIze that, that’s why the man looked familiar, he looked like Tommy.

“Hello.” He simply said in a husky voice that was much deeper than Tommy’s. “Tommy,” he continued as he looked up at his brother beside you. “You didn’t tell me you had a daughter.”

“No,” Tommy chuckled, “she’s not my biological daughter. She’s my adopted daughter.”

Joel nods and then looks back to the girl, motioning her to get up with his hand. She seemed hesitant, but she picked herself up and stood behind him, making Joel step back so he could push her forward and introduce her. “Ah, this is Ellie, and she’s just around your age.”

“Really?” You question as you blink and meet her gaze. “That’s cool.” There's an awkward silence after, with neither of you knowing what to say or do, but Maria seemed to have a good suggestion that only made things more awkward.

“Why don’t you take her up to your room.”

You weren’t children to show each other your toys, but you did need to hide your shoes before either of them saw—“okay,” you say in a feigned calm tone before you walk back and point your head towards the direction of the stairs. “Come on, it’s upstairs.”

Ellie steps forward and you miss the glare she shot Joel before she slowly followed after you, managing to catch you snatch your shoes and other things from the stairs before you ran up and waited for her at the top. Once Ellie reached the top you guided her to your room at the end of the hall and made sure to swiftly throw your shoes in the bathroom, and shut that door.

“So,” you decide to break the tension. “How old are you?”

“Uh, fifteen.” Ellie answers whilst her eyes wander around your nicely decorated room. “You? I mean they say you're the same age as me, but I don’t believe them. I think they’ll say that just to force you to befriend me.”

You scoff lightheartedly and turn to face her once you’re stopped by your bed. “I’m sixteen. I just turned sixteen like a day ago.” You sit on the edge of your bed and catch Ellie focused on the vinyl records all neatly tucked in the shelves, she walks towards the shelf and her lips tugged to a small smile.

“Are these all yours?” She asked excitedly as she looked at you.

“Yeah,” you nod, “I’ve collected some along the years, and my grandpa gave me the rest.”

Ellie’s eyes return to the vinyls to brush her thin fingers over the backs, stopping as she catches sight of a certain album that caught her attention. “Do you have anywhere to play them? Or I mean do they work?”

You drag yourself off the bed to walk to your desk and open the wooden record player. “You can put one on.” You smile as you step back to make room. “To try it out.”

“Are you being fucking for real?” She queried as her eyes met your eyes and you caught a gentle sparkle in them.

“Yeah,” you nod. “Go.”

Ellie doesn’t hesitate to bring an album by “The Clash” with her as she walks to stand by your side, pulling out the vinyl from its sleeve and carefully placing the record where it went. She then set it up and you both waited, hearing silence for a brief second before the sound of an electric guitar began to play, and seconds later a voice began to sing and you recognized the song “Should I Stay or Should I go’ was playing. One of your favorite songs. And it seemed to be hers too because she soon turned up the volume and began to bop her head to the beat, as well as tap her foot as her hands went into her coat pocket and her smile turned to a grin.

You then followed by doing the same head movements as the song played and completely broke the tension between you both. And perhaps it was such a small moment, a small change, but the hostility was gone, neither of you were strangers anymore, but Instead immediate friends.

“Can I ask you,” Ellie spoke up while the song played. “What happened in your medical classes that got your shoes dirty?”

Your eyes widen and you blink to meet her curious gaze, but you don’t hide the truth from her. You smirk instead and reveal the truth. “Yeah, there was no class today. I snuck out with my friends. Just don’t tell Tommy, or Maria.”

Ellie scoffs, and her lips tug to a smirk. “Your secret is safe with me.”

You grin and step back to walk towards your shelf. “Wanna listen to more music?”

“Hell yeah,” Ellie grins.

——

The trail of dead infected bodies led down a small hill that you cautiously followed, even if you weren’t sure who had just killed these infected. For all you knew it could be those people called the Rattlers, that you read about on some letter in one of the empty houses, even if you hoped it wasn’t, the possibility was that it was them. And you could still run, turn back and return home, but you needed to check if it was Ellie first. You couldn’t leave her behind.

So you needed to continue following the path. And as you did. you ended up finding thick green shrubbery blocking the path forward, with the trail of bodies ending a few steps back, so whoever had left it went forward. But when you let your eyes scan the area, you see that an RV and a truck were also blocking the path.

“Hmm.” You slowly walk forward and see a large enough gap between both trucks where you could squeeze through. You were hesitant and anxious in doing so because your peripheral view was limited since you couldn't see much past the truck's gap, but, it was the only way through—fuck—you hold your breath and have your hand tightened around your gun as you slowly walk through.

Once you’re miraculously through and don’t get tackled or suddenly bit, you exhale deeply and feel a wave of relief wash over you, but before the feelings could set in your bones you instantly jump back at the sight of a clicker hanging upside down from its leg. “What the fuck,” you gasp as you clutch onto your chest with your unoccupied hand. The clicker begins to click it’s jaw and manages to push its body forward in attempts to try and get any piece of flesh it could sink its teeth into, but you only stepped back from its reaching hands and then felt yourself bump into something else.

There was no noise, or movement that you could hear behind you, but you still swiftly turned around, only to see the girl you had been looking for. “What the shit…Ellie?!” You gasp again as you feel your whole body grow stiff. You narrow your eyes on her, and besides noticing that she was upside down, you couldn’t help but notice fresh blood dripping down her red, sunburnt face, half of her shirt drenched in the same thick liquid, and her cheeks looked more sunk in than before.

The first thing that should’ve run through your mind was to help her, but your mind kept fixating on wanting to know if she was real, or just some weird hallucination. She looked real, but was she? You snapped from your stupor and stepped forward, reaching out your hand to feel the warmth of her cheeks under our fingertips; she felt real. Next you proceeded to lean in and press your ear close to her lips to hear her slow breaths taken because she was passed out due to the blood that ran to her head because she was upside down. So the answer was that she was actually here, hanging upside down from a tree.

There was an answer as to why she ended up as she was, thus leaving you finally to act out on your plan to help her off the tree. However, when you reached the rope that was tied around a large rock, you caught the sound of footsteps behind you. Thinking it was infected you turn around to get ready to shoot them, but then you see that it was something much worse.

“Drop your weapon and put your hands up, and this might just go easy for you.” A man much shorter than his ponytail wearing companion spoke to you with a certain, annoying cockiness expressed on his face.

You quickly glance at the rope just inches beside you, and then your eyes fall on the switchblade just under Ellie. You think of dropping your gun and then running to get it, but they’d shoot you, or hurt you some other way before you could do damage, so instead you stayed put and did as he said whilst you tried to talk them out of whatever sick plan was on their mind. “Please, just let us go, we'll be on our way out. We just got lost and my friend got caught in this trap.”

The short man approaches you with a smirk and his gun points at you while his companion stood behind him with his weapon on the ready. “We can help you find a way out.” The short man assured you even if it was a lie that you weren’t aware of. “But you have to follow our rules since you’re in our city.” He reaches for your arm, yet as he tries to grab it you kick him back and pull out your gun hidden behind you. You shoot at him, but end up missing after the older looking man he was with shoves you to the floor and steps on your hand until you let the gun go.

“Take her.” The older man instructed, “I’ll take this live one tied up.”

You quickly flip over and reach for a dagger hidden in your waistline, but the guy pulls you up and in a harsh movement twists your arms to your back, and pulls you closer to his chest. “Don’t try anything,” he sneered in the ear. “Or I’ll shoot your friend and then you.”

“Fuck—”

“Abby….” Ellie unknowingly interrupts you, “I found….”

“This bitch is fucked.” The guy holding you remarks about Ellie.

You scoff and squirm in his hold, but he only presses a gun to the back of your head and turns you so you could watch his friend drop Ellie to the ground from where she was hanging, causing her to groan out in pain as she landed on her wounded side. “Ellie!” You bellow, seeing her open her eyes to see the person who had called her name.

It took her a moment to recognize you, to figure out that you were real, but once she did, she could only continue to groan out in the blinding pain she felt shoot out from her bleeding wound.

“We’ll be lucky if she even lasts us a month.” The same guy kept talking, this time however, his comment made your eyes widen out of fear. “Can we please just please just say we’re done for the day?” He continued to ask as he watched the other man untie Ellie.

“Yeah,” the guy agreed whilst he kicked Ellie forward. “I’m going to get that thing down, and let me reset the traps.”

Right! The clicker hanging from the tree—the corner of your lips tug to a smirk and using all the strength you could muster after a long day, you use your legs to throw yourself back, causing the man that had you captive to stumble back towards the clicker who quickly lunged forward in means to bite him.

Nonetheless he managed to get out of the way before the clicker could bite any part of him.

“It get you?!” The friend asked in a panicked voice and with his gun pointing at the guy behind you, who still surprisingly had you in his hold.

The man shakes his head, “No, I’m good.” He then digs his nails in your skin and grimaces after what happened. “You bitch,” He proceeds to also finally tie your hands with some zip tie. “You’re gonna pay for that.”

You snort and just as you’re going to snap back, Ellie beats you to it and begins to laugh. You can’t lie it creeped you out that she did laugh since she was badly wounded, but you let it be, and well it annoyed the guy.

“Something funny?”

“Looks like you shit your pants,” Ellie counters while she struggles to push herself off the ground.

The guy shakes his head and whispers in an annoyed tone. “What you say?”

“What a little bitch.” Ellie continues smugly.

“Oh, you like funny huh?” The guy snaps before he grabs your arm again, cuts off the zip tie and drags you towards the clicker. “Watch this.” He shoves you forward and the clicker begins to reach for you, clicking its teeth as the sound makes it go crazy. You struggle in his hold, and dig your heels into the ground to make it difficult for him to continue pushing you forward, but he’s stronger than you and manages to tear your arm from where it was stiffened to your side to push it towards the clicker's mouth.

“You fucking,” you strain to say whilst you squirm and try to throw your elbow, or foot back. “Asshole. Let me go. Stop!”

“Come on,” the other man protests, “we don’t need this.”

“No, man,” the young man responded amusingly. “They’re fucked up anyway.” He continues pushing your arm towards the clickers teeth until the point you could feel the heat of its mouth on your skin. It was terrifying and heart clenching, your breath became heavy and quick and Ellie wanted to stop him, but she was struggling to get up. You kept trying to fall back, or really just do anything, and miraculously you did manage to get the upper hand after an instant of throbbing pain shot throughout your arm.

You didn’t pay much mind to the pain and passed it off as the man digging his nails in your skin and pressing his rough fingers on your arm, before you ducked and used your strength and weight to swing him to the side and throw the man towards the clicker's arms and jaw. After that he let you go and his friend tried to shoot you, but Ellie quickly grabbed the gun you dropped and shot him first, causing him to fall down on his ass.

“Fuck,” you breathe out as you move away from the clicker and catch your breath on the ground, catching Ellie snatch the guys rifle off the floor and storm towards the other man in means to shoot him.

“Wait! Wait! You said Abby! You’re looking for an Abby right?” The man bellowed as he threw his hands out, managing to make Ellie stop before him. “We picked one up a couple months ago.”

“Yeah sure.” Ellie said, stepping forward.

“Big girl!” The man pants, “blonde. Arms like mine.” He motions, “she had a scrawny kid with cuts by his mouth.”

Your attention focuses on the man and your eyes narrow as your mind pulls out flashing memories of who he was talking about. For a brief second you see and hear the memory of Abby killing…Jesse play out in your head and it hurts far worse than your arm does.

“Yeah, that’s her.” The man says once he notices the realization on yours and Ellie’s faces. “You let me go. I’ll tell you where she is.”

“Talk.” Ellie deadpanned.

“She’s in a holding cell in our camp,” the man obliged.

“Where is that?” Ellie interrogated him further.

The man points past her and continues. “Head up that way til you hit the railroad track. That’ll lead you to a resort. We keep em in the tall, round building.” He groans and Ellie looks back to where he pointed to for a second before looking back at him—“I swear.” Before he could add more Ellie lifts her gun and shoots him once before he goes limp like his friend.

Finally leaving Ellie and you alone.

However the reunion wasn’t a happy one. After Ellie could tear her eyes from the man laying on the floor, she turned to you with a serious expression that expressed no warmth. “What are you doing here, y/n?” She asked bluntly.

You push yourself up to your feet and can’t help but glance at her wound on her side as you answer her. “I came after you.”

Ellie walks past you to collect her switchblade off the ground, but stops as she’s crouched down, turning her head to look at you over her shoulder. “Why? Who told you I left?”

“Dina, told me. After I went for a visit.” You say as you walk and grab a rifle from the man Ellie had killed.

There's a short silence while Ellie stands up, but she’s quick to fill it with the same question. This time in a more demanding tone. “Why are you here?”

“Because.” You stand up and turn to face her, ignoring the pain your arm was under. It felt as if someone was pressing a hot iron on it. “My friends' problems are my problems.”

Ellie’s green eyes quickly snap up to meet your own eyes, and you notice a sadness flicker within them while her lips twitch to almost express a frown, but she holds back and instead focuses on her wound at her side. “Did you come to take me home? Convince me not to kill Abby?” She lifts her shirt and a soft hiss leaves her lips. “Well then let me tell you that you’ve come in vain. She killed Joel, I’m only finishing what she started.”

You scoff. “What she started?!” You storm towards her but she keeps her eyes on her wound. “Ellie, you went after her already. You killed all the people that were with her and it almost took Dina, Tommy and you out with them. The only reason,” you pause when you don’t notice her looking up at you. You crouch down to be at her level. “Look at me.”

Said girl blinks a few times to fight the tears that welled in her eyes before slowly dragging her eyes up to meet your gaze.

“The only reason,” you continue, “neither of you died was because she spared your life. She wasn’t going to bother you anymore, and you came after her. You left your family to come after someone who most likely has not thought of you since she left Seattle.”

Ellie shakes her head. “It’s not that easy to forget what she did!” She stands to her feet and stands just a few inches away. “I can’t sleep, I see him all the time. I see that day, I see her.” She cries. “I need to do this. It’s the only way I will be able to live in peace. I need to do this for….him.” She can’t even muster the strength to say his name, or mention her pain without her voice breaking. Tears wanted to slip past her eyes, but she was strong enough to hold them back for now.

“And what?” You counter with tears of your own while you step forward. “Don’t you think I see Jesse? Don’t you think Jesse’s death hurts me too?” You sniffle and swipe tears off your cheeks. “I see him all time. And not with good memories, but his body after he was shot. It haunts me, even when I’m awake. And I want it to stop.” Your voice quivers. “But even I know this is wrong. Stop this and come home before something happens to you. You know Joel wouldn’t have wanted you to come if it meant risking your life. So come home Ellie, please.”

Ellie steps back and her gaze holds yours for a moment whilst tears roll down the curve of her cheeks this time. She parts her lips to argue, to try and convince you to follow her plan, but she knew you more than anyone, no matter the pain you were enduring after losing the man you loved, you’d never fall as low as she thought she had fallen. She couldn't ask you to stay.

“Just leave, y/n.” Ellie mumbled as she shoved past you.

You turn sharply on your heels and stay put with determination in your own plan. “No. Not if you’re not coming with me.” Your lips twitch.” Wherever you go, I go.”

A sigh leaves Ellie’s lip and with some hesitation she turns with a comment ready to be shot out, but before she could speak, her eyes fall on your arm and they go wide with horror. “Y/N.” She mutters before she rushes towards you and grabs your arm, twisting it a bit and gasping sharply. “You’re….” She pauses and you follow her line of vision down to your arm, instantly feeling your heart sink to your stomach, and feeling all sound cease to exist as you catch the bite mark on your arm. “…bit.”

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Tagged- @protect-lev, @expecto-nox @vintage-and-hypnotic , @kokomaesadie @0j-b0 @itsyellow @minheoly @traceylader

[blueprint-han]

desert rose — yang jeongin.

↪ “ Because love and a red rose could never be truly hid. ”

— “ You’d have never thought that one incident would’ve enlightened you of how much in love you were with your childhood best friend, but it turns out to be more of a problem when you’re threatened with a life-ending disease with no cure whatsoever. Or so you thought. ”

pairing: jeongin x reader

genre: hanahaki au; fluff, angst with a happy ending.

⇥ warnings: hanahaki disease, mentions of blood (not very graphic but enough that it’s tagged), lots of angst, also in this world the hanahaki surgery isn’t discovered yet, because it’s a fairly recent discovery, also y/n’s dad is nowhere mentioned in this fic idk take it as you like but i imagined him to pass away when y/n was 12 for some reason :((, please do not read if you triggered by topics of death or blood or disease! These themes will be prevalent though not in super explicit detail, they are still there. If I missed a warning, let me know. <3

word count: 11.09 K

type: long one-shot.

⇥ disclaimer: this fiction does not represent the activities of the real Yang Jeongin, nor is associated with JYPE in any form. Events are pure fiction. ♡

part of: the @bystay​ skznta event, written for @stayndays​ !!

song: inspired from Desert Rose by Lolo Zouaï <3 No relation to the fic but it did inspire the ~vibes~.

↯ note: I’m gonna be honest this tired me out so much that I’m glad I finished it, it took me longer than I expected and it got longer than I expected, but nonetheless, here you go shayna! Hi!! It’s me! Your secret santa! Sorry I couldn’t send you that many asks because my uni is a bitch™, and I wish I could’ve made this better, but I guess this will have to do for now. I hope you like it, and I loved being your santa! 🥺 I hope we can interact more in the future, and this isn’t edited so pls go easy on me （＞人＜；）eiury2y4er okay happy reading! <3 love you shayna! <3 I wish I could give this more editing time :( but... i hope u still like it!  ⇥ dawn.☀️

Jeongin’s eyes are really pretty.

The first time you'd made this miniscule observation was during your summer vacation road trip when the sun shined a tad bit overly bright, and Jeongin’s umbrella had a hole in it. The exact details of how it ended up torn don’t matter, but the way Jeongin’s eyes seemed to shimmer in the harsh noon sun almost made it seem worth it.

You remember it clearly — He’d smiled brightly when his eyes met yours, eyes crinkling into tiny little half-moons before his expression turned neutral. At that moment, you were lost into the abyss that was his midnight black orbs. They seemed to hold glimmering stars in them, ones that outshone the specks of white in the night sky.

Looking back, you didn’t think of it much, opting to shake your head off it’s daze before running to where Jeongin stood, throwing a bottle of water into his backpack and laughing at some corny jokes the rest of the group cracked.

Jeongin was a friend — a good friend. In fact, you could call him your best friend, though it had never been verbalized. You couldn’t remember exactly when or how you’d gotten closer to him — it just happened, like everything important in this world did. Like how Jeongin says “It was fate, Y/N, fate” in that old-man-philosopher voice to get you to laugh (Of course it would never work, but you’d still laugh, because anything to see him give you that bright, toothy grin and that little scrunch of his nose in acknowledgement).

The memory of how it all started  is as clear as the sky, as pure as the pigment of a rose.

“Don’t stray too far away, alright? Meet me back here in two hours.” The instructor screams, and all the students chime in with a collective “Yes, ma’am!”. 

 “Good, now go collect your flowers.”

A flower-picking expedition isn’t a common event in a school field trip, at least in your school. You’re more used to the normal visits to the ice cream factory, or the butterfly park (which, to be fair, had some pretty flowers, if only you could pick them) or another affiliated school. Nevertheless, you don’t complain, because the prospect of your school giving you a chance to collect all the pretty flowers you could spot here had you on top of the clouds.

You’re allowed to go alone or in groups of two, and of course, Jeongin has you by the arm the moment your teacher had screamed “Disperse!” at the top of her lungs (P.E teachers had a thing for screaming, apparently). Ignoring the teasing glances the other boys made towards the both of you, you set sail on your path, scanning all the bushes for any wild and unique flowers you could find.

“Oh look, there’s one!” You pointed out after a good four-minute-walk, almost stumbling in your one-inch-too-tight-shoes and ignoring Jeongin’s giggle at your antics. You beckoned him over to where you were standing and he obliged, tucking his sweater paws into his pockets before walking over to where you were staring at the pretty flower.

So, flowers. They’d always fascinated you. You’d developed said fascination ever since you were six. Something about the sheer way the petals were arranged, the various ranges of coloring — vivid, gradient, muted — the beauty of something so delicate and intricate always drew you in. You found yourself examining a flower for hours, and surprisingly, you never grew tired of it. They’d helped you through a lot when you felt particularly down, too. Perfect distraction — snuggling against Jeongin’s arm and playing with the flower he’d always pick out for every visit, surrounded by calming; almost numbing silence along with the sound of his steady breathing, maybe sometimes his heartbeat too when he’d get overly affectionate. Flowers in a way, in every way, were your escape. You loved them. 

“Hmmm.” Jeongin hummed over the sounds of the leaves susurrating and rustling on the ground, the wind enveloping you like a cold, yet oddly comfortable blanket. He fixed his round glasses over his nose, quickly flipping through his encyclopedia. No one really questioned him as to why he carried it wherever he went — but just like you, he had a vivid fascination for flowers too. It was something the both of you fit like a glove on, and you were beyond grateful to meet someone who could click with you so well.

“This is wolfsbane, we can’t pick it.” He said, shaking his head. “It’s poisonous, the whole plant is.”

“Oh…” You pouted, staring at the flower once more. You took in the sight of lush, violet petals, the way they wrapped around the centre and had almost no smell.

“Hey.” He touched your hand worriedly. “You didn’t touch them, right?”

“No, I didn’t. I know better than to touch plants without knowing what they are.”

“Good.” There you could see it again. That lovely, bright smile, one more of relief this time. When you looked into his eyes, you seemed lost — you could capture every flutter of his lashes against his cheeks, count every lustrous star that was laid in his eyes. “That’s good, the poison can be absorbed easily through your skin.”

“Yeah.” You let yourself smile at him, hands dropping down to fiddle with the hem of your frock. 

“Come on, I wanna get some shots for my book. Plus some flowers.” Pulling at your hand, he led you amidst the varying degrees of green and the damp smell of grass for a good distance, before halting in front of a bush. You knew what he’s referencing to by ‘shots’. The camera that hangs around his back, ready to immortalize the memory into his SD card, or rather make a polaroid (or a painting, if he’s being artistic) and tape it to his notebook along with the pressed flower.

“Look!”

Trip a step back, and you yelp at the sudden intrusion to your pace, pouting at Jeongin before looking in the direction he had his eyes fixated on. “Roses.” You giggle, kneeling in front of the bush and hissing when you feel the damp coldness of the grassy floor seep into your knees. “They’re pretty.” 

You can barely hear the sound of students walking past you — the moment seems almost captivating — nothing heard, nothing felt except the whirring of the wind, and the fresh smell of various plants mixed together, it carries.

This part of the garden seems particularly shady and cool, and some of the roses haven’t bloomed yet. A few rosebuds, a few half-bloomed roses, and two fully bloomed, deep red roses, sitting nicely against the green foliage.

Jeongin kneels before you, and you turn to smile at him, chortling at the way his glasses are about to fall over his nose again. You ruffle his black hair gently before fixing the glasses up his nose. 

“You might wanna get a chain attached to that thing. You know those strings that go around your neck and to your glasses to hold them in place?”

Jeongin chuckles. “It’s alright. I don’t like my glasses anyways.”

“Whyyy…?” You whine, poking his arm playfully before directing your focus back on the rose. “You look so adorable with them.”

Your friend feels a smile tug at his lips, leaning in to pinch your cheeks lightly. “You’re adorable.” He says, before focusing on the rose, (thankfully) oblivious to the way your cheeks feel warm after his action.

“Here, let me pick them out and then we can press them into our journals.” Yes. The both of you have matching journals, owing to your near obsession with flowers. You oft share them with each other and get fascinated by how the other views the flower, how they delicately craft words into how the little gift of nature meant to them. It’s a heartwarming tradition — one of the main reasons you follow it till date. 

Jeongin pulls out a pair of scissors from his satchel, and albeit with a lot of force (and the adorable nose scrunch™, manages to cut off a decent amount of stem with the fully bloomed flower, carefully bringing it to his nose to smell it before doing the same to the other one. And all the while, you silently watch.

“Here, this one is more fresh.” It’s so surprising how he can just say that by looking at the flower. Then again, you know him better than anyone, so it’s not surprising at all. He looks at you with dreamy, fluttering eyes and that precious smile on his face, his hair falling perfectly on his forehead. You want to reach out and fix the stray hairs back into position, but you hold back, swallowing the lump in your throat when you look into his pretty, pretty eyes. Trying your damnedest to not get mesmerized, lost in them once again.

It doesn’t seem like a very, very special moment. And to you at that time, it wasn’t special. You simply ignored the heat that crept up your face at his silent gesture, nodding sporadically and ignoring the way you tensed up more when your fingers touched, barely.

Your heart suddenly thumped against your chest with renewed vigour, and you could tell Jeongin was close to noticing it too. 

“T-thank you, that's very sweet.” Fixing the frills of your frock, you smooth them over before looking further and deeper into the garden.

“Lend me a hand, please.”

You once again, ignore the way your heart flutters at his statement, silently extending your hand and covering up your sudden emotion with a smile. His hand feels soft, warm in your hold, fingertips slightly rough from when he used to play the violin. You like it, though.

“Here.” He places the rose carefully in your palm, making sure no thorns prick the delicate skin of your palm, and you can’t help but smile at the tiny reassurance. A nod of approval and you tuck the flower away neatly into your satchel, almost like a valuable present he’d given you, oblivious to the way Jeongin’s eyes twinkled at your action, his smile beaming.

My god, who would’ve known this flower could’ve brought you so, so much trouble?

It had started simple, almost unnoticeable. Just little glances towards Jeongin when he’d come over to watch a movie, getting lost in the way his hair looked exceptionally soft to touch, silently drifting off into space as you admired him from the backseat during class — sure, you were supposed to be focusing on the lesson and taking notes, but something about the way the rim of Jeongin’s sunglasses caught the sunlight and created a lens flare effect was breathtaking to watch.

That, combined with his beauty, his personality. It was too much, too much to handle.

You found yourself waiting to get a glimpse of him, even a tiny glance of his smile would be enough to make your day — to make your heart flutter. 

He was pretty.

You suppose it’s because being Jeongin’s best friend meant you already knew about the kind and empathetic man he was — but for the love of god, you could not stop your heart from fluttering when you heard his name, let alone looked at him and his mind-numbingly pretty smile, his dazzling eyes that always seemed to keep you off the ground.

Oh my, was this love?

You didn’t believe it. You didn’t agree, couldn’t accept that this was love. Maybe it was just your way of showing appreciation for him, for everything he’d done for you? Yes. That was probably it. 

Love wasn’t something you’d experienced — how could you jump to the conclusion? 

But you couldn’t pin the feeling you were feeling to another word — though you were desperate. The way your heart beat faster around him, the way you started noticing all the tiny details that made you fall for him even more, and for what? Just because he happened to give you a fresher, more lusciously colored rose after choosing them on his own? 

Jeongin had noticed it too — it was hard not to when you’d start fiddling with your thumbs, twirling your hair, and the way heat would rush to your face when he did as little as smile at you — you’d fallen for him — and while he was ever-the-oblivious to realise the implications of your actions, he did know that something was wrong.

“Y/N, are you alright?” Jeongin asks rather dully, seeming kind of worried about your current state. You’re resting your head against his lap, but Jeongin can feel the warmth of your cheek through the thin material of his shorts — and not the regular kind. The kind of heat one would radiate when they’d either been overly flustered. Or possibly a fever.

He rests a single palm against your cheek and your eyes flutter shut, and there it is again. The butterflies in your stomach, the fuzzies in your head, and the tingling that shot up to your fingertips. “Are you sick? Is that why you’re oddly quiet today? You haven’t said or eaten anything.”

“Ah, no, I’m alright.” You try to hide the dizziness in your voice, snuggling in his hold before fluttering your eyes close. Thankfully, Jeongin doesn’t question it. 

“Alright, we won’t talk about it if you don’t want to.” Even though you aren’t facing him right now, you can feel him smile in melancholy. 

“Hey Y/N?” 

“Yes?”

“You know I’m here for you, right?”

Oh, you knew.

Sometimes you wish you didn’t — maybe that would’ve prevented it from ending this way.

It’s such a common scenario — in movies, in books, in media. Two best friends falling in love with each other, confessing their love in the warm and intimate setting of the night sky, over gentle touches and lingering kisses. You’ve always had an attachment to those kinds of movies or books — because for you, that kind of love was special in it’s own way.

Those little ways the lead characters had of showing each other their undying love, those subtle acts were so special, so special in their own way. Those books had shown you how heartwarming, how vulnerable yet rigid, strong that relationship could be. It was such a pretty world to explore, to fantasize. You kind of felt that you and Jeongin were the protagonists of those books, those movies.

Except, you had no happy ending.

The books failed to show how painful it was to swallow, to digest the fact that you could be nothing more than friends. Sure, there had been some moments where the main leads would be sad, but it was nothing compared to this, this suffocation in your chest that slowly built up, day by day, minute by minute, second by second.

It was hard.

The first prick in your chest hadn’t been entirely painful. It was barely noticeable even. Simply a tiny jolt of pain when you bent forward to grab your books from your locker. It had only been a slight jab, like when you’d accidentally poke yourself in the rib with the edge of your hardcover diary while picking it up. Nothing too hard.

Then came the slight feeling of breathlessness. You found yourself unable to run a full round in P.E (when you could easily do so beforehand), having to stop in between to catch your breath. You figured it could’ve been your dust allergy because the P.E room wasn’t cleaned that often, so it made sense. Somewhat. Still sceptical, but nonetheless, you covered up your random outbursts of coughs with any and every excuse you could find when your parents questioned you about it.

It was hard, but you figured it was just a matter of winter passing by, and soon you’d be alright.

Would you, though? You couldn’t bring yourself to accept that there was in fact something wrong happening to you, pushing behind that feeling of paranoia every time with a smile on your face and a hold of your breath, wishing for the pain to ebb away.

Who would’ve thought that a sudden infatuation would have led to your demise?

Jeongin can hear the noises.

Those loud, dragged out wisps of air that you borderline struggle to take in and expel out, Jeongin can hear them.

He can feel your struggle. It’s not easy for him to look at you like this, curled up into a ball and ignoring the rampant burn in your chest. The movie isn’t even the main focus right now. Jeongin has something to say, and he’s had enough of watching you struggle. He’s rather here to persuade you to go to the fucking doctor, and get some sort of diagnosis instead of beating around the bush.

Strange. Jeongin feels oddly affectionate today, when usually you’re the one to initiate such gestures. All he wants to do is pull you into his arms and rock you back and forth until you fall asleep, because you seriously seem like you need it.

“Y/N,” he calls, watching you lift your head up from where it’s rested against your knees. You don’t reply, because right now, your throat seems like a barren desert and all you can seem to let out is a croak.

Jeongin sighs and rolls his eyes as if in deep thought, turning on the couch to face you before touching the tops of your cheeks with his hands — they seem overly feverous. 

“What’s going on?” He asks sternly.

“What d-do you mean?” You manage to get out, feeling your chest hurt more and more with each syllable that leaves past your lips in a croaked voice. It felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing your chest with the sharp edge of the knife, the burn in your throat and lungs getting too much to handle. You can’t even tear your focus from the fiery sensation to revel in the feeling of Jeongin’s soft palms cupping your cheeks.

“Y/N, you’ve been acting weird ever since the expedition.” Worry is laced throughout his tone, mixed in with a dash of sorrow to give rise to the most heartbreaking sound you’ve ever heard. Though you know otherwise, it almost seems as though Jeongin is disappointed in you.

“You’ve been getting more and more sick—” he raises a hand to stop you from contradicting his statement. You only look at him with mellow eyes, knowing that what he says is right. You’ve been ignoring your health for too long. 

You can’t help it, either. While you have an inkling of what might’ve happened, you’re too stubborn to accept it, let along your unrequited love for your best friend, who seems ever-the-oblivious.

“—and you can’t tell me it’s the winter allergy, love. I know you more than that to believe it.”

Shaking your head in dismay, you turn around to get up. You can’t be having this conversation right now, not with the faintest taste of blood lingering at the edge of your throat — you can’t be showing yourself like this in front of him — broken down, vulnerable, confused of your own feelings, having no idea of what you should be doing.

Your mother had pointed it out too, at this point. They suggested going to the doctor, and you outright refused. You didn’t want your suspicion to come to life. It couldn’t- it couldn’t be this way-

“Y/N!”

Jeongin grabs your hands to stop you in your position and turns you around.

And that’s a wrong move.

Your whole chest tightens, and the thorns that stab against your chest has never been more painful. You cry out loudly, only causing them to dig deeper into your skin and almost bleed. Jeongin’s eyes widen in shock at your sudden, unexpected reaction and only tightens his grasp on your hands.

Which again, is a very wrong move, because the following bouts of coughs that take over you shake you up from the core. Jeongin feels blanked out looking at how much you’re suffering right now, so much that he doesn’t feel the wet, yet light flutter on the back of his hand.

When Jeongin snaps back in from his momentary daze, he’s borderline horrified.

He’s convinced, completely certain that there’s nothing more terrifying, heartbreaking, scarring — he could go on and on — than what he just saw. He can almost feel his heart break into a million tiny shards, but he knows that it’s nowhere equivalent to the pain you’re going through.

Well, looks like your suspicion did come to life.

Because what Jeongin sees is, gah, he feels horrified. There’s blood dripping down your lip, staining the skin below garnet red. Your eyes are tinted pinkish-red too, most likely from the exertion that came along with the horrendous amount of coughs that took over you.

Red, red everywhere. Jeongin had previously thought of red as one of the most beautiful, and most interesting colors ever — a symbolism of love, nothing but the pure love he felt towards you.

But now, all he could think of was how much he was tormented by the mere sight of the color.

When his eyes, still blown wide in shock, trail down to his lap, the mere sight of what’s littered on it leaves him in tears.

Red petals, everywhere. All over the back of his hands, all over your lap, all over his lap.

Jeongin could probably spend ages, ages sobbing and whimpering about the sheer pain the sight in front of him brought. It tormented him beyond imagination. This should be a dream — Jeongin wants to wake up any second now, anywhere, in your lap, in his own bed, just anything to save his heart from seeing you this way.

Yet when you cough again, the pain in his heart tells otherwise.

“Y/N!” He chokes out a cry, and from there, he acts quick. He could cry about this later — he needs to find you some help, and now. 

You feel numb. As numb as you possibly can when you see the tears in Jeongin’s eyes, though your sight is clouded by your own tears. You’re numb to the blood dripping down your chin and pooling in your lap, you’re numb to the feeling of those bloody petals littered all over the couch. 

“We need to get you to the hospital, quick.” He gets up, wiping his eyes that are surprisingly, surprisingly overflowing with tears. You barely feel the handkerchief quickly wiping against your mouth, causing you to snap from your trance and look at him. The numbness doesn’t fade yet.

You doubt it ever will.

You’re not sure that the events after the incident go super quickly or as slow as a snail, and you’re not in any state to care about it either. Jeongin had called your mother when he drove you to the hospital — albeit over the sound of your repetitive and raucous coughs — and now your mom’s standing next to him outside, nervously prancing back and forth as he waits for the doctors to come out.

The hospital corridor is moderately lit — perfect setting for Jeongin’s mood right now. There’s no sound except for the occasional encounter when a nurse or doctor happens to walk past them. The hanahaki treatment section of the hospital isn’t the most crowded place — surprisingly enough, the doctors had immediately known what had happened to you.

Your mother can’t bring herself to thank Jeongin for dragging you to the hospital — she’s too paranoid. Your daughter coughing up blood and — Jeongin hadn’t mentioned it to her — flower petals over a movie night isn't the best news you’d want to receive when her friend calls you; so Jeongin understands why your mother is overly quiet.

He doesn’t try to reassure her either. It’s hard to do so when she’s gonna find out her daughter houses a wedding bouquet in her chest — and Jeongin isn’t that oblivious to not know what’s going on, especially standing in the hanahaki department of the clinic. His mother, not so much. All she can do is silently sob and mutter prayers repeatedly, hoping her daughter would be alright. Jeongin feels his heart break more when he sees your mom like this, and he knows he’s not gonna last at this rate, when he’s allowed to enter your room.

At this point, he can’t get past his own brain screaming a million different things at the same time, none of them coherent enough to make sense. He’s a mess right now — red eyes puffy and swollen, hair completely disheveled and half of his sweatshirt hanging out of where it was  neatly tucked in.

Two hands at his heart, and that’s when he notices the red rose petal stuck to the back of his hand, probably from when you’d coughed all over it. It’s fairly large in size — Jeongin examines it, in a slightly successful attempt at trying to distract from the feeling of anxiety that builds up inside bit by bit. It’s a deep, dark red color, exactly like the rose he’d given you that day, at the trip.

The boy sighs to himself before pulling the petal off his hand, eyes widening when the blood underneath it tints the skin it runs across. 

That’s when a lump forms in his throat, but he isn’t given time to cry, because soon enough, the sound of a door opening clicks through his ears, and Jeongin’s head snaps up.

He can see you from where he’s standing, and his whole world freezes in front of his eyes.

The flowers inside your chest had grown moderately large — that’s what the doctor said, at least. You’d been hiding your disease for two months, and it wasn’t until the end that Jeongin caught on — you’d been too stubborn to accept your fate. Maybe this was how it was supposed to end, after all. 

You couldn’t accept it then, but you did now. Did it seriously make a difference?

Jeongin had seen your scan, and what he saw would’ve truly been pretty, if not for the fact that these flowers could be the cause for your imminent death. The roses had almost fully bloomed — and the thorns were pricklier than ever. Jeongin could almost feel them stab against his skin, and he didn’t even have the disease. It was confusing — things were too confusing right now.

You couldn’t speak much, the painkillers you were on were making you drowsy and causing you to quickly fall asleep. Even if you weren’t asleep, it wouldn’t have made a difference.

Numbness ran through your veins. You couldn’t bring yourself to feel anything after what had happened.

Jeongin and your mother hadn’t spoken to you after the doctor had shown them your scan, and they preferred to not break the news to you either, figuring that you were pretty shaken up from the incident already.

The doctor said he could give you two weeks before the flowers filled your lungs completely and blocked your throat.

And Jeongin is devastated.

When the effect of your painkillers wear off and you open your eyes, you feel a soft sensation brushing against your thumb, slowly turning to look at your best friend — tears streaked all over his face, eyes ridden with dark circles and red and puffy, his voice sounded nasal as he silently cried, eyesight focused on the floor.

“J-Jeongin…?” You mumble past your oxygen mask, surprisingly not noticing it’s presence until right now,

He perks up at the painful call, lifting his head to gaze into your eyes. He looks worse than you look right now, if you’re to be honest. You doubt he’s even brushed his teeth or had breakfast. The hospital room is pretty dim just like the exterior, but the sunlight coming from the open window is enough to light up the whole room, enough to at least see your friend’s features clearly.

“You’re awake.” he says as a matter-of-fact and you nod, gently taking off the contraption placed against your nose. Jeongin flinches like he wants to stop you. But then freezes when you try to slowly get up.

Turns out that’s a wrong move, because you can soon feel the thorns of the garden you have in your lungs prick against your skin, making you gasp and shriek in agony. Jeongin jerks up and places a hand on your back, and the other across your stomach — and gently maneuvers you into an awkward but comfortable position, before lifting the top of the bed into a reclining position before laying you down onto it.

“Careful, love.”

Your chest tightens at the actions once again, yet you try not to cough like you did the last time. Surprisingly biting on your tongue works to rid the feeling of suffocation, or at least distracts from it.

“Where’s m-mom?”

“She went to pick up some of your essentials, plus a few clothes.”

“D-did she eat? Did you eat?”

Jeongin smiles at your concern. It’s something he’s found endearing about you — how you always seem to put others first, even though you’re in a worse situation. Though the habit isn’t healthy, Jeongin can’t seem to get over how thoughtful one would have to be to act that way all the time. You’re so innocent, so kind — you’re one of a kind, at least for him.

“What?” You chuckle, noticing Jeongin’s lingering stare on you.

Your friend only beams, taking your hand in his once again. “I forced her to eat something because of her medication, so you don’t have to worry. I ate along with her too, though the canteen’s food doesn’t taste that well.” 

A soft giggle leaves your lips and quickly morphs into a set of coughs, more petals fluttering all over your lap and hands. When Jeongin stands up to call a doctor, you lift a hand to stop him, gesturing for him to sit down.

It isn’t as intense as the first time, but there’s still a tiny bit of blood dripping from the corner of your mouth, which Jeongin quickly goes to wipe off with his thumb. You flinch at the warm touch, sighing to yourself before dropping your gaze to your lap.

“So…” You start. “What did the doctor say?”

“What?”

Jeongin seems visibly tense at your question, kind of like he was dreading it. Which he was. He knows enough about this to know that patients usually don’t like knowing, and in fact can be traumatised by knowing that their apparent death would be in two weeks.

Jeongin in fact has no idea how he’s so calm. He should be sobbing, trashing, looking for a way to hold you back. He shouldn’t be so calm.

He figures he’s just accepted fate. He’s relishing what could be his last moments with you.

You don’t reply, and Jeongin knows he’ll have to make something up.

“They said it’s just a regular allerg-”

“Jeongin.”

The boy freezes.

“Don’t lie to me.” Your voice is laid with so much pain, Jeongin wants to reach out and crush every problem you have into his fist. He wants all your sorrow and worry to dissolve, and right now, he just feels helpless. He feels powerless.

“How many days do I have left?” You ask, sniffling before wiping your tears away. “Just tell me already, Jeongin-”

Jeongin’s grip tightens against your hand as he whispers — “Two weeks.” 

The words are only let out as a soft mumble, as though Jeongin himself is questioning the statement the doctors put forth. Really, in two weeks? Would you really be gone? Would he seriously never see more of your smiles, your loving gaze, those times when you’d get overly shy of his compliments, those times when you’d silently smile at him from afar?

Was this the end?

“Two weeks.” You repeat. Your voice honestly sounds like a croaking frog, but you can’t bring yourself to care. 

“Hey Y/N…?” Jeongin hesitantly calls.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?” He puts his other hand on yours. “Two questions, actually.”

“Mhm?”

“This disease you have… hana-”

“Hanahaki.”

“Yeah, that.” A hand runs against the back of his neck and he continues. “Be honest, did you know that- that you had this disease before I found out?”

“Jeongin…” You’re about to shake your head, but then you remember the deadline. The deadline by which, you’re no longer going to be here, no longer going to be able to cuddle Jeongin during movie dates, no longer be able to even look at him from afar, or close for that matter. In other words, you didn’t want to end your days with him based on a lie.

Therefore you sigh, breathing out a ‘yes’ as your shoulders droop down.

You can hear Jeongin’s shaky sigh too.

“W-why?” He clenches your hand tightly, sadness mixing in with what you can only call disappointment. “How could you be so selfish?”

It's too late to take back those words now.

“Wh-what?” You raise your eyebrows, feeling scared at his sudden question. “Jeongin, I wanted to be sure-”

Oh who are you kidding? Jeongin and you both know that you’d hidden it because you didn’t want to accept it. It’s too late to change that now.

And Jeongin seems to know that too.

“Don’t- Y/N.” His breath morphs into sharp inhales, as though he’s downright angry at your actions — you know he has every reason to be — still, it doesn’t ease the pain in your heart. Or maybe that’s just the flowers.

“Do you think this is a joke?” His sobs grow louder in fervour, and you feel yourself break at the sight. The room is so, so quiet that you can hear his faint mumbles. You can hear the cries his heart screams in agony, letting you go is painful for him. The thought, rather the sound, only makes the plant in your heart grow further.

“Y/N- did you not think of your mother? Of me? Did you not think of what would have happened if you left us? You think it’s gonna be easy on the both of us? On everyone?” His gaze stern and his voice stable, you don’t get affected by his words, but you do understand what he means — and maybe wish that you could’ve reversed your actions.

“How could you, Y/N?” He gets up from where he’s seated beside your hospital bed. “How could you think that this would be the most appropriate action?”

Jeongin knows he’s angry. Jeongin knows you’re going through a lot. But he’s too.

He’s not angry at you, not at himself, but fate. He’s mad that this is your fate, that you have to go away so soon. He’s mad that he can’t do anything to help you, in any manner.

You don’t say a word, which only causes Jeongin to sigh — disappointedly, again — and walk to where his coat is hung against the edge of his bed, picking it off and pulling it over him in a hurry. Every cell in you wants to scream at him, apologize for what you did, but your voice feels small, almost like you can’t force it out of your throat.

He goes towards the door that leads to the corridor, stopping for a second before turning to look at you.

“Are you gonna tell me, at least, who this person is?”

“W-what?” Things are too confusing right now.

“Hanahaki comes with unrequited love, Y/N. Are you gonna tell me who didn’t return your love?”

“You didn’t” You want to say. But then again, you stay quiet, not being able to handle the intensity of the moment.

Jeongin wants for two seconds, then sighs and shakes his head. “Whatever, I guess.”

And then he leaves.

In the next week, your health goes down drastically. More of petals expelled out of your lungs, more blood dripping from between your lips, more of your mother’s horrified expression as she runs away from the room while the doctors tend to your coughs. More sobs from your mother when she thinks you’re asleep, more melancholic smiles when you’re awake.

But you feel so empty.

Every piece of you feels like it’s being ripped apart. You can’t even sit up without someone’s help, of such intensity is the pain. The pain of knowing that your love would never be returned. 

The pain of knowing that you hurt the person you loved truly.

You were put on your oxygen mask 24/7, and instructed to not take it off whatsoever. Your medication stopped taking it’s usual effect, and if anyone saw you the way you were outside the current circumstances, they’d have assumed that you haven't slept for 8 days and were going to crumble into the earth any second.

“Honey?”

You gasp at the sudden intrusion to your thoughts, turning around to see your mother, sitting next to you and holding your hand with her own. You hum as a response, clearly unable to respond more than a mere mumble.

“Did you and Jeongin fight?”

A pang of guilt floods through your nerves at the mention of your friend’s name. He’d come to visit you only once in the past week. Perhaps even he couldn’t handle the fact that your death certificate was ready to be signed soon, and was trying to not be tormented by the fact. Or perhaps he was just angry.

“W-why?” You croak.

“I convinced him to come stay here while I go pick up a fresh change of clothes, but it took me quite a bit of arguing.”

You feel sad for her. She’s clearly paranoid — you can hear it in her voice, the shake lingers throughout. Yet she holds it in, trying not to let you worry about it.

You don’t answer her question. The last thing you need is for her to get mad at you too, though you doubt it. Your mom has never been the kind to yell at you for anything — provided, you’ve never given her a reason either.

“Do you think he’s mad because I didn’t tell him about the person who didn’t return m-my l-lo-ve…?” your throat goes dry towards the end and your mother quickly hands you a glass of water. You chug it down and sigh in relief, breath still short.

“Is that person him?” Your mother questions with her gentle, soothing voice one that can make you relax on the first listen. There’s no use lying to her, you figure. She knows you too well to do that, plus, like you said, you couldn’t bring yourself to end your days with her on a lie.

“Yeah…”

“Oh sweetheart,” She brushes some of your hair off your face, sitting down again before drumming her fingers against the back of your hand gently. “I don’t think he could be mad at you.”

“But he is. Didn’t y-you see? He didn’t bother to meet me as much after our argument. He’c c-clearly mad.”

“Hmmm,” Your mother ponders. “I don’t think so.”

“You don’t?”

“Nope. I have known him for a while, dear. He’s been with you for more than five years. Maybe he’s having trouble taking this in? Just like…” Your mother stops after that, but you know the completion.

Just like her.

“I’m sorry, mom.”

You simply don’t get it. You should be scared. You should be sad and devastated that your end was going to come soon.  You should be thrashing around and crying and wailing in despair — you just don’t have  the energy to even bother about your end. It’s depressing, but you know there’s no way you could avoid the inevitable, or get your lover to return your love.

Love wasn’t supposed to be something forced, it had to happen naturally. And if Jeongin didn’t develop it naturally, you just had to learn to live with it. Or not.

“Don’t be, darling. Everyone deserves to love, just like how they deserve it back. I wish it could’ve ended differently.”

“It’s alright mom. He loves me too… just not on the way I love him.”

You sniffle as a single tear runs down your chin, though you and your mom aren’t given enough time to speak more when you hear a familiar voice at the door. 

“Hey Mrs. L/N.” Jeongin says, shrugging off his half snow-covered coat before hanging it onto the bedside. Did he seriously walk in the snow? All the way here?

“Hello, Jeongin dear.” Your mother stands up, picking her coat before moving to fish the car keys from her purse. “Thank you for watching over Y/N while I’m gone, darling.”

“It’s no problem, Mrs. L/N.”

“Oh, so formal.” Your mom chuckles, though in her despaired state. “Y/N, you get some sleep, it’s about midnight dear.” She leans over to kiss your forehead while Jeongin excuses himself to the washroom, and you nod. 

“Good night mom.”

“Good night, and don’t worry about him. He’ll talk to you eventually.”

Oh, how reassuring. “Mhm.” You smile, closing your eyes to drift into slumber before Jeongin returns, because the last thing you need right now is to feel sad and cry over how you’d hurt him.

By the time the sound of the door clicking resounds through the space, you’re already asleep.

 It’s way past midnight. Jeongin shouldn’t be up. 

Somehow, he still finds himself seated next to your bed, staring fondly at your calm features as you finally get the rest you’ve needed for the past few days. 

Oh, he wouldn’t be able to compare your sheer beauty to even that of the moon; even when you’re in such a fragile and vulnerable state. Your eyelashes are still and unmoving where they sit against your skin, your breath is calm and slightly wavering as you struggle to breathe slightly. 

His hand slips into your own gently, and his heart melts when you shift, tightening your grasp on his warm skin before falling into a slumber again.

Why was he mad in the first place? Jeongin feels dumb for acting so quickly on his emotions, especially when you’re in a bad place at the moment. He wants to wake you up and apologize, but he can’t, because you’re sound asleep — and that’s a good thing, since seep comes so scarcely to you these days.

Then, a single tear falls from his eyes. His thoughts traverse to the dream he had the previous night — you, cold, dead in his arms. Him, sobbing, trying to wake you up but you’re really gone. He can’t even hear your mother’s cries from behind him, because he’s devastated to know that you’ve left him. The dream had woken him up in a cold sweat — it was then he realised that he’d committed a mistake, and agreed to come visit you, because you had about 5 days left.

His thoughts then traverse to the conversation you had with your mother, while he was standing outside in the cold hospital corridor, curiously listening.

“Is that person him?” “Yeah…”

When he heard those words, countess, infinite thoughts crashed at his head; all at once. Nothing made any sense. The reality of the situation was dawning on him too quickly, and Jeongin was having a hard time processing it. 

You loved him? He was the person who didn’t return your love?

“Why didn’t you tell me, Y/N?” He mumbles in confusion — so much confusion, so much hurt — he wanted time to just stop for awhile and give him a fair chance to analyze the situation.

But, once all the initial thoughts were out of the way, only one question remained:

Was he the reason you were going to die?

Jeongin felt like a murderer — like he’d just stabbed you in cold blood. He knows it is’t like that — just like you’d said, love should come natural. So why did Jeongin feel so bad? WHy did he feel like he was the one at fault?

A fond smile crosses his lips when he remembers the book where you keep all your flowers safely. Who would have thought your fondness for flowers would morph into the reason for your demise?

Quiet, hushed in the midnight wind, Jeongin gently brings out the rose he’d picked from his satchel. It’s almost relieving to see a rose in it’s true glory, without scattered petals or blood covering the flower. A part of him grows sad that you won’t be able to gush over flowers together anymore, he won’t be able to see your smile anymore. It hurts him. It stabs his heart over and over again, and Jeongin is pained — almost like he’s being put to death slowly — he wants the pain to end, but only suffers and suffers.

The stem has already been cut and the thorns have been thrown out. Jeongin leans over to tuck the flower behind your ear, fingers brushing against the almost cold skin at the back of your ear before letting another tear slip from his eye, running down his cheek and falling on your palm.

A strange, oh-so-strange feeling creeps up on him. It’s like… a fluttering in his heart? Jeongin can’t quite place it — heck, he doesn’t try to make sense of it. There are more important things to look at, right now. He suddenly has the urge to pull you into his arms and gently murmur sweet words into your ear — seems odd for a situation like this, but oh well, feelings are feelings.

He pats your hand gently and smiles, before moving to sleep on the smaller bed in front of your own. Not allowed to go far, though, because your grip on his hands tighten almost immediately, and Jeongin tightens to look into your eyes, sparkly and slightly droopy from the intrusion of sleep.

“Y/N, go to-”

“Stay.” You mumble, feeling your voice choke as the petals threaten to spill out for what seems like the millionth time. Yet, you manage to spill out another, “Please?”

Jeongin feels like he’s about to cry. Your expression is so, so hopeful, he can’t bring himself to deny. He wouldn’t in the first place, because who was he to deny what could be his friend’s last wish?

A sob bubbles up his throat, but he swallows it down, smiling with melancholy before following your weak pull on his hand, genty climbing on your bed before slotting himself between you and the steel grill that prevented patients from falling down. He gently tucks his hand under you and pulls you close to himself, tensing up for a second when you wrap an arm around his own, gently rubbing on it before drifting off to sleep. You want to cherish this moment — this could be the last time before you could never see him again. Fuck your medication for making you so drowsy. Or not, because you were certain you would start crying, and that would certainly not end well.

The whole room falls silent for two seconds, and you fall asleep almost immediately. 

And then, Jeongin releases all his tears, and everything comes crashing down on him. He breaks apart.

The world was too cruel to you. He was cruel to you. He can’t believe that in less than a week, you’d be gone. Gone from earth. Flowers had lost all their beauty for him, the moment he saw you coughing them up on that couch during movie night.

He wanted to do anything. He wanted any small sign to show that you would stay with him. He was in so much pain, he couldn’t accept your fate. He wanted to grab your hand and pull you to himself, keep you close, he couldn’t let go, he couldn’t give you up, he couldn’t —

“I love you.” You mumble unconsciously in your sleep, and Jeongin loses it then and there. His throat feels dry as tears flow and flow and don’t cease no matter what. His body shakes like a sobbing child, but thankfully you’re knocked out from the effect of your medication. He hasn’t cried this hard in a while, guess there’s a first time for everything. The three words pierce his heart, and they suddenly hold more meaning than anything — Jeongin wants to hear those words on a loop; he feels strangely ecstatic when you say them.

And so, with a shaky voice and a sorrowful tone, Jeongin replies after pressing a kiss to your forehead — “I-I love you, t-too.”

His eyes flutter shut and he basks in your arms just one last time, holding you close to himself as he finally, finally finds himself at peace, next to you.

When your mother finds you both snuggled up and asleep together, a smile crosses her lips. A hopeful smile.

“Are you ready for your scan, Y/N?”

You feel oddly light today — one would say it’s because your body was close to shutting down completely, but your throat felt a bit, a tiny bit clearer and less barren than a fucking desert. Nevertheless, the scan does make you nervous. This would make clear how long the flowers would take to reach your throat — the doctor’s estimation was about three days, which seemed way too short for Jeongin.

Oh, how embarrassing it was when the nurses, all giggly and mushy-eyed, found you snuggled with Jeongin like a teddy bear at the early hours of the morning, waking you and Jeongin up and only cracking up more at your bewildered expressions when you find yourself tangled with each other.

Before the scan, Jeongin had held your hand softly, leaning down to press another kiss to your forehead. You’d shyly smiled, nodding before letting the nurse drag you to the scanning room.

The details of the scan itself aren’t important, it went pretty well — as decent as a scan could possibly go. You’re able to cooperate with your nurses pretty feasibly, you feel the sudden urge to get out of your wheelchair and try walking. Sure, you can still feel the choked feeling in your throat and the burn in your lungs, but somehow, it’s just a tiny bit lesser than usual. Maybe it’s because your painkillers are working more effectively. Maybe.

Jeongin’s waiting for you outside when you’re led out of the room, and he smiles when he sees you.

You don’t even remember what you’d said the previous night. All you remember was passing out while Jeongin was in the washroom, and then waking up to him cuddled up, warm and snug next to you. His features were clear and calm as the ocean on a sunny day, a small smile on his lips, as though he was dreaming about something happy. You hope he did, because that boy deserves the happiness.

“You seem energetic today.” Jeongin says, taking note of your perky demeanour, that only causes you to giggle slightly. 

Sure, you don’t remember the happenings of last night, but he does — and he’d promised himself to cherish every last second. Because in the end, it’s all he can do — for leading you to this state, for getting mad at you and wasting precious time in which he could’ve stayed with you. He’d promised to not let you live your last moment sad and desolated.

“I feel light, for some reason.” You mumble with a broken voice as Jeongin takes the wheelchair from the nurse, listening to what she has to say before bowing and nodding, leading you back to your room.

“What did she say?” You ask, fiddling with your thumbs.

“She said your scan results would come in an hour.” 

“Oh… alright.”

For some reason, you’re too joyous today, after the little surprise you got as soon as your eyes opened. You can’t seem to bother about the end— you want to live in this moment, right now.

When you come back to the room, Jeongin lifts you up bridal style, causing you to gasp before placing you down onto the bed. The nurse waiting there quickly fixes your IV and helps you sit into a comfortable position (though it’s hard when thorns keep pricking at your ribs) before bowing to the both of you, and leaving.

Your mother has once again left to go fix up the house, leaving you in the trust of your best friend. You aren’t complaining though, especially when Jeongin sits down beside your bed, taking your hand in his before playing with your nimble fingers — just like always.

He looks gorgeous today. After a lot of nagging from your mother, he’d used the hospital bathroom to wash his face and comb his hair neatly, and you’re happy about that because he looks fresher and happier than ever. You want him to be smiling and happy, even when you leave, because… did you need a reason? You just wanted him to be happy and content with his life.

The thought invokes an angsty feeling of melancholy, but you brush it away, trying to focus on Jeongin and the silence that drops on the both of you like a warm blanket. You smile softly at him, gently letting go of his hand before tucking a few strands of his hair behind his ear, almost melting when Jeongin’s eyes flutter close.

“Hey Jeongin?” You call, grabbing his hand once again and interlacing the fingers together.

“Yeah?”

“When I… leave,” You notice the twitch in his expression, but nonetheless, continue. “Will you bring me flowers every week?” 

You remember the red rose you’d found tucked behind your ear when you woke up — it had dried up a bit, but nonetheless, it was one of the prettiest objects you’d ever seen — even though there was a whole bouquet of them spewing out your mouth every two seconds.

“I will.” Jeongin sniffles. The thought of having to visit your grave every week to bring you flowers is immensely saddening, but Jeongin agrees anyways. He agrees, for you.

It’s the least he can do.

It’s funny how you say “leave”, like you’re going to your hometown for a month-long vacation and not actually like you’re going to be buried any time soon. Jeongin thinks it’s because you don’t want him to get too sad over his loss — a stupid thing to wish — Jeongin knows this loss is going to affect him in more ways than one.

“Jeongin, d-don’t cry…” You cup his cheek, gently brushing your thumb against his cheek and wiping away the tears that fall, one by one. Jeongin shakes his head, placing his palm on your hand and smiling at you.

“Can you do me another favor?”

“As many as you’d like Y/N.” He says. He’ll do anything you want — it’s your last wish after all.

“Bury me with my flower journal, please?” It may seem like a weird claim to bury oneself with a dusty old book, but Jeongin understands the significance — you want to hold onto those memories you made with him while writing it together, while picking flowers together and all those happy moments you exchanged.

Jeongin tries not to let his voice break again. “I will.”

You beam at his acceptance. Jeongin feels the slight thump of his heart against his chest, and a warm feeling envelopes him from inside. He’s suddenly overcome with an urge to press delicate kisses on your eyelids, though he tries to shoo it away, because it isn’t the main point of focus right now.

But soon your mother walks in, and it’s all small talk and deep conversations with her at the same time. You have breakfast, persuade (more like force) Jeongin to scarf down his meal and giggle about some random jokes thrown here and there, until the doctor comes in. Both Jeongin and your mother stand up, bowing and wishing good morning while you do too. Wish, not stand up. You’re basically tied to the bed at this point.

“Mrs L/N, I’d have had a word with you in private, but I think Miss Y/N needs to hear this too.” 

“What is it, doctor?”

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion and Jeongin’s grip on your hand tightens, thumb rubbing over your skin to soothe your obvious tension. The doctor slides the transparent, firm sheet off it’s envelope before letting the sunlight hit the back of it, in order to enable a clearer viewing.

“This is… the most unusual case I’ve ever seen, but —” He points to a junction on the scan. “The flowers have actually reduced in amount, and they've separated from the windpipe by a whole two inches. See?” He points at the edges of the lungs and at the windpipe, but you understand what he means. The flowers are there, no doubt, but it’s almost like — a whole stem of them just disappeared into thin air.

Of course this could’ve been because you coughed them up, but the coughed up flowers go instantly, or so you’ve heard. There’s confusion written on all of your faces right now.

“Is that why I was feeling lighter and easier to breathe today? Because the flowers withered off and gave more space for air?” You ask in your low voice, and your doctor nods.

“Seems like it. Do you have your previous scan?” Your mother hands it to him quickly after a great deal of fishing out of her purse.

He places the earlier scan behind the newer one, and suddenly, you can see what he means. It’s almost like they shrunk — you don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but nonetheless, you’re happy you can breathe a bit more.

“What does this mean, though?” Jeongin asks, bewildered at the strange news. The room is so quiet and the tension is thick enough to cut with a knife, and you can see both your mother and Jeongin waiting for the doctor’s words.

“It means that we’ll take another scan tomorrow, a deeper one. And check if the flowers are actually collecting somewhere else, or just disappearing. And if they are disappearing…” He trails off, and you giggle when Jeongin and your mother lean forward in anticipation, though curious yourself.

“She’ll be home by Christmas. Or even earlier, if the recovery speed is fast.”

“Y-You mean… I can be cured?” Your voice shakes with hope, and the doctor smiles sweetly at you, before nodding.

“Yes dear, you’ll be the first patient who’s walked out of this place cured from hanahaki.”

At that moment, it almost feels like every flower inside your chest wilts out — you feel so light, so ecstatic. You’re over the clouds at the news, and don’t even hear your mother’s cries of thankfulness before the doctor heads out.

“Y/N!” Jeongin exclaims, ignoring the fluttering feeling in his heart and the burn in his cheeks when he cups your own. “You’re gonna come home!”

You shake with soft sobs, and smile at Jeongin.

“I’m gonna come home.” Provided the scan tomorrow showed a positive result, but you don’t bother to mention that part.

And the next day, when your scan results come back, a huge smile adorns your face, and your mother is in tears. Happy tears.

The sunshine is overly bright today, leaving you squinting for sight, especially when you’re seated in a garden out in the open, book in one hand and the other one resting against the cool, moist grass. The air holds a musky forest scent, and you revel in the feeling of the shivers the cold air that cuts through skin brings.

The park is relatively empty for the morning — you’re glad it is, because it brings on a sense of calmness that you seem to like. The surroundings are just perfect — you don’t want anyone to disrupt your mood right now.

So yeah. The story ends that way. You recover, bit by bit, though it takes a whole bunch of time. There were times when you still had to cough out those petals, but you couldn’t be happier — it felt as though you were spitting out those vicious thorns that had tormented and threatened your life. The doctors had no idea how you’d managed to recover — but this was an interesting case to put into their portfolio, so they weren’t complaining.

And oh, you had Jeongin to help you through all of it, of course. 

It had taken you two weeks to be discharged from the hospital and be able to finally walk again, but when you did it — you felt like a whole new person, in a whole new world. Sure, you had to hold onto your mother or Jeongin wherever you went for the first week or so — it was almost like your legs had turned jelly.

When you returned home, Jeongin insisted that he take you to the garden every day, and when you complained that you couldn’t walk, he’d lifted you into his arms (bridal style, again) and carried you all the way there, and then given you a piggyback ride you all the way back home.

Eventually, you ended up telling him the truth — that the unrequited love that caused everything was because of how you’d fallen for him. You figured he deserved it, especially when he’d stuck with you the whole time without any hesitation and helped you whenever he could — he was truly one of the nicest, kindest people you’d ever met.

Of course, you were surprised when Jeongin only smiled and told you that he knew what you were talking about, and then proceeded to narrate how he’d overheard you in the hospital. Giggles left his lips when you gave him that meme-worthy look, making him shake his head before slinging and arm over his shoulder.

Surprisingly, that night ended just like the books — lovey-dovey confessions exchanged in the warm and intimate setting of the night sky, over shy smiles and lingering kisses. The both of you finally gave in to each other.

Huh, so maybe you were wrong about them — books — after all.

So when, your love was returned in the end, every flower in your chest had finally disappeared, and you couldn’t have been happier.

“You know when I brought you here I wanted you to help me pick flowers and not read a book?”

You laugh at the voice that comes from behind, closing the book shut before placing it on the side while Jeongin takes a seat beside you, hissing at the slight coldness of the grass. Ah, what a romantic scenario — green and colorful flowers as far as the eye could see, a book that you’ve been trying to finish but have never been able to because your boyfriend keeps interrupting you with his random outbursts of affection, and said person sitting right next to you.

“Well, you keep interrupting me all the time!” You chuckle, sliding a hand behind his shoulder before pulling him down to lie on your lap, and Jeongin complies. A sigh of content leaves his lips when he feels your fingers comb through his hair to rid them of any tangles — Jeongin feels stupid to not realise how much he loves you. It feels nice to call you his, feels nice to be able to say I love you, in all of it’s true meaning.

“What, I can’t cuddle my girlfriend now? Come on,” He takes your other hand in his, turning onto his back to look up at you before pressing his lips to the back of your hand. You feel the heat creep up your cheeks when he calls you his girlfriend, still not being able to take it in without growing immensely shy.

“You crybaby, fine. I’ll read the book later only because I love you and you give exceptionally nice cuddles.”

“Hmm, good.” He mumbles sleepily, eyes fluttering shut in calmness when he feels your fingers brush away any stray locks of hair that may get into his eyes. The reaction to your touch is so immediate these days, Jeongin thinks it’s a part of his routine now. Spend at least an hour admiring you in all of your happy, healthy glory.

Meanwhile, you’re sitting there, admiring his features in silence. His hair has grown longer now — Jeongin refuses to cut it no matter your endless verbalizations of how his original haircut looked better — and a small part of you has grown fond of this look too. His warm skin, and his sparkly eyes when he looks up at you, the bright, loving smile that he displays before getting out of your lap, kissing you on your lips to break you out of your focus.

The action only makes you more shy, and Jeongin laughs, cooing at your behavior before standing up, dusting his clothes off the dirt and extending his hand for you.

“Lend me a hand, will you?”

The line seems vaguely familiar and you’re overcome with a sense of deja vu, but nonetheless, you give him your hand, standing up before picking up your satchel and handing him his own.

“Now are you gonna pick a rose for me or do I have to do it myself again?” Jeongin raises an eyebrow and smirks, and you frown, slapping his arm before walking off to check all the flowers in their bushes.

“Hey, wait for me! Y/N!”

When he reaches you, he slides a hand into your own, interlacing the fingers before looking at you lovingly.

“I love you.” You both say at the same time, giggling at each other soon after — perhaps at how well you knew each other to time the confession so well.

So, this is how it ends. While you do think that things could’ve been handled differently, you’re glad that everything went the way it went, because in the end, you’d found him, he’d found you, you’d discovered your feelings together. You loved each other.

Because love and a red rose could never be truly hid.

but what if she had never recovered?

taglist: @inkidz​ @stayverse​ @districtninewriters​ @kpopscape​ @skzwritersclub​ + @sunoo-luvs​ @sleepylixie​ @rae-blogging​ @happiestgirlontheeastcoast @guerillrah​ @p2q3r4​ @baby-innie​ (Please send me an ask if you’d like to be added to my taglist!) *oh holy lord pls let this show up in the tags*

[abittersweetsongforyou]

wtfock fic recs part 2

saddle up for pt 2 babyyyy

wtfock fic recs pt 1

the underrated (just read them trust me they're brilliant)

wishing, wanting and longing by dottori

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart by orphan_account This isn't our first time around by noobishere this is us, through your eyes by dottori - with yasminas season starting id like to draw everyones attention to this fic from yasminas pov its sweet and sentimental and lovely and the fact that it has under 100 kudos is a fucking crime Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps) by berrevy - i love this author so much and this fic is so good, i love the way they're written here, the description is beautiful, 10/10 A morning without you is a dwindled dawn by Createdforyou - so soft i love seeing them just living their lives together Elayna Aan Zee by zetaphiuchi(ryuujitsu) - this one is sad and maybe sander forgives too quickly but its beautifully written and i love it you're an angel in disguise (you're an angel in my eyes) by thekardemomme - this is so sweet and lovely and warm everyone should read it I do now. by irregardlxss - robbe tells jens about the hate crime dreaming of you by ivy_seas - just them being happy at christmas time hold all my cliches on the tip of my tongue by nbrook - they're dorks and they're too horny for their own good but they love each other very much i've never been in love (but i wanna be, i wanna be) by ladypeaceful - what if sander took noors place at the party in episode 1 we have the stars (and this is given once only) by merengue - military au but also childhood friends and its so soft and beautiful and they love each other so much Agents Sliding Down The Chimney by berrevy - i seriously cannot recommend berrevy enough this is a christmas fic thats a little sad but also a whole lot sweet and very real which is what i like

angst bby

I follow you (deep sea, baby) by emotionalgoblin - sander pines in my mind, in my head by cubedmango - canon divergence for s3 last two episodes

gonna help you be free, honey by lamourestout - aftermath of the hate crime

We're always gonna be contaminated by nbrook - sander fucked upppp and everyone is sad but they communicate so its fine

the night we met by themoongirl - college au, sad boys :(((

show me some stars (beneath this ceiling) by peaceoutofthepieces - five times robbe wishes he could wake up next to sander and one time he does You're always there for me by nbrook - the s4 car accident aftermath (don't want anything) but all of you by MajorAccent - s4 car accident but extra extra angsty i know someone who kisses the way (a flower opens) by romantiser robbe and sander see each other again after sander paints the mural

sander and robbe being so in love it hurts

he is the one by themoongirl - marriage proposal im soft

I'm holding my breath, as the seasons change by bruisingknees - robbe moves out of the flatshare

new year's eve by themoongirl - sander is sad but robbe is soft

all you never say by nothingbutniall - fluffffff

you're the one that i want by themoongirl - sander needs reassurance

dark paradise by luckycharmz - sander is coming out of a low and robbe takes care of him

i was grounded (while you filled the skies) by wafflesofdoom - theyre in love okay

If a June night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance by allforyoumylove - theyre childhood friends and theyre in love

oh my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight by alsjeblieft - sander painting robbe

Early Morning Dancing by teen_content_queen - flatmates dance in the morning v v cute

(inside my head) I've been at war by nothingbutniall - they're so soft pls

The sun came up and I was looking at you by allforyoumylove

Baby, Home Is In Your Arms by clarecas - robbe comes home to sander after his exam

don't be scared, you are my rock by peaceoutofthepieces - sander is sad but robbe is there purple lips (underwater) by dottori - fluff so much fluff i love it sm

in all your gorgeous colors by nothingbutniall - sander paints robbe you're still the that i love (the only one i dream of) by thekardemomme - i couldve also put this in the angst category but they just love each other so much its so beautiful My darling, I'm rooting for you by allforyoumylove - sander is having a depressive episode and robbe loves him fully formed, ready to run by MajorAccent - sander is down and robbe just wants to be with him paper rings by thekardemomme - they love each other so much and theyre going to get married one day i've always wanted a (boyfriend) by thekardemomme - christmas is sanders favourite holiday and robbe doesnt love christmas but he loves sander Come lie with me by allforyoumylove - they're roommates but they cuddle and fall in love glimpses by foxsake5 - theyre just living their lives, being in love, as they should

boyfriends being boyfriends

I absolutely adore you but we're absolute beginners by nbrook - sander is adorable

boy, i fucking got you by noobishere - yeah its rated e but its so sweet okay

Lovesick by szamsson - sander picks robbe up from school

you're a wonder under summer sky by nothingbutniall - boyfriends go camping

memories painted with much brighter ink by nothingbutniall - Christmas gift giving at the flatshare

we're keeping it simple by noobishere - eenvoud babyyyyy

Meet me in the hallway by nbrook - ahsdka Milan

double date. by fockinglevendcliche - double date with amber and aaron

back to the beach house. by fockinglevendcliche - sander wants to get it on and robbe is weak but their friends are assholes

take me with your constant shame by peaceoutofthepieces - cute date hold me close by sincerelysobbe - robbe is stressed and sander is the best boyfriend you charge me up (like electricity) by howlingsaturn - secret boyfriends if you say swim by soundnvision - another date another pool Modern Love by angelboygabriel - okay yes this is e rated but their. boyfriends and they're happy they're just also horny mkay You make me feel like I am whole again by nbrook - robbe has a rough day but sander is there being all cute and making it better I've been looking so long at these pictures of you by nbrook - much banter very cute You're my favourite kind of night by nbrook - at a halloween party finally kissing the right people Show me a piece of your heart, show me a piece of your love by nbrook - boyfriend tag for the broerrrs channel, unfinished but so much fun thus far working double time by noobishere - sander is wearing a turtleneck and he looks hot in it Ground Control by angelboygabriel - christmas clinging and sex because why not oh and they're in love hopeless romantics by thekardemomme - it's their anniversary and ugh they love each other sm sander driesen versus a mistletoe by dottori - its christmas and sander just wants to fucking kiss robbe okay high for this by flowermaze - sander is drowsy and still finds time to flirt with robbe All You've Got to Do Is Win by berrevy - they actually do play that tennis match years kept in minutes by peaceoutofthepieces - they have traditions and its adorable pls love is the opening door by cryingcancer - robbe and sander facetime on their anniversary after sander was sappy on instagram Home by foxsake5 - sander is a massive simp and robbe looks hot in a robe You don't have to say you're mine by nbrook - robbe is a little insecure and sander is there to reassure him Distracting by sincerelysobbe - v v v cute jahsdjah sander is weak for robbe we all understand bro February 14th, 2021 by foxsake5 - no words bro just cute af if we can make it through december (maybe we'll make it through forever) by nothingbutniall - sobbe at the christmas market This = Love by nbrook - robbe is hungover and sander loves to tease him They ain't living life like this by Createdforyou - halloween but this year they're together

sexy times

Woensdag 16:36 by Anonymous

i don't even wanna fuck, i just like you by eversincewefellapart

Vrijdag 18:26 by Anonymous - hurt and comfort

video phone by tokyometropolis(mesohorany) - quarantine times

Don't know where I'm going from here (but I promise it won't be boring) by skamsnake

snakebite by Anonymous

Zaterdag 09:58 by foxsake5

Wildfire by sincerelysobbe - no smut just kissing but they steamy

come on (mess me up) by MajorAccent - sex but tender 🥺

The Teenage Trifecta by little_but_fierce

i glow pink in the night in my room (blossoming alone over you) by midsummernightoddity

life is a pop of the cherry by icedwhitemocha - the hotel

Ik Win by Anonymous

In his arms tonight by allforyoumylove

long may he reign by tokyometropolis(meohorany) - well considered smut jsdhjhd

Draw Me Closer by skamsnake

When I live my dream (please be there to meet me) by skamsnake

we click, we go boom! by strangeparties Dark Red by nancy_mcfly - friends with benefits play the game of grown-ups by Anonymous - they have a lot of sex but its because they're in love

[soramei]

Intentional - Part 3

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader (she/her)

Summary: Landing your first real job at JYPE was something short of a miracle. You were prepared to face the new struggles of this elusive career whilst moving to a new country, however, nothing could have prepared you for him. Will stolen glances, secret touches, and hushed nights spent in the recording room ever be enough for the both of you?

Genre: idol!bang chan au, forbidden relationship, coworkers to eventual lovers, slow burn

Warnings: none right now, eventual smut

Word Count: 4.6k

Masterlist

A/N: INTRODUCING: I.N.tentional: Intentional, but told through I.N.'s POV! give it a read! itll take 1 min tops!

Taglist (reply to be tagged!): @planetdemon​ @hvunvely​ @fluffybitch0325​ 

last thing: welcome back hyunjin I missed you! skz ot8!

“Y/n,” his low and steady voice echoed around the pillars of the parking lot, “what are you doing here?”

“I’m looking for my friend.” You simply answered, slowly taking short steps backwards. It was best to not tell anybody that Yoojin was injured.

“Is she here? I’ll help you find her.” His eyebrows furrowed as he took quick strides towards you.

“No- that’s- it’s okay. I’m uhm, I’ll just try finding her myself.” You clenched your shaking fists. “Thank you for offering though.” You quickly added, not wanting to come off as rude to your boss.

“Y/n. Why do you keep avoiding me?” Manager Kim grabbed your shoulder with one hand. You felt the tips of his fingers dig through your jacket. The blend of cigarettes and cologne wafted past your nostrils.

“Manager Kim, please, I really need to get going.” You begged as you heard your voice start to waver. Why couldn’t the word ‘stop’ just come out of your mouth?

Manager Kim didn’t seem to care as he simply pressed his fingers harder on your shoulder, tightening his grip. He took a step closer, tipping his head down to look at you as he exhaled through his mouth. The stench of cigarettes became stronger.

“Yesterday, on your first day, I’ve been nothing but nice to you. Y/n, I am your boss. Stop avoiding me.” He spoke through clenched teeth. His words became quieter and quieter as his monologue progressed.

You had no idea what to do. It was obvious by now that Yoojin wasn’t in this parking lot as you would have heard her by now. The sun was setting fast, and the lot was basically empty, save the lot attendant — who was busy watching a movie on his phone when you first spoke to him. However, this attendant was your best bet. If you somehow managed to run past him, Manager Kim would most likely stop following you. This was your plan.

You quickly slipped out of your jacket, catching Manager Kim off guard. He lost grip of your shoulder, and the only thing he had a hold on was your now discarded jacket. Then, you made a run for it. You had only caught a glimpse of Manager Kim’s irate expression before adrenaline filled your muscles once again.

“Oh, you don’t run from me this time.” You heard him drop your jacket, then soon after, footsteps.

You didn’t have time to fixate on his movements as your only goal at the moment was to reach the attendant. You ran and ran, and after a short while, you saw the attendant’s post.

It was apparent that Manager Kim also noticed that there was another person nearby because you heard his footsteps gradually slow down and then come to a halt. However, you were too scared to turn back to confirm your suspicions and just kept running. Once you reached the front entrance of the parking lot — where the attendant was — you slowed down your running to make it appear as if nothing had happened. God knows the amount of slander you would’ve gotten in the office if you had gotten Manager Kim in trouble.

You tried to keep yourself composed as you left the parking lot, however, nothing could stop the uncontrollable shaking of your hands and the erratic beating of your heart. Once outside, your brain was in jumbles — what the hell just happened?

The wind nipped at your skin as you sprinted towards the familiar blue building. It was the only place you could think of to hide as you wait out Manager Kim. Usually, the man acted polite, if not a little standoffish, but there was something so sinister about his voice tonight that gave you an uncomfortable chill.

Finally nearing your office building, you held it out for a final push as you hurriedly entered the front doors. As soon as you were inside, you felt the adrenaline reach your body. You put your hands on your knees for support as you tried to catch your breaths. You still couldn’t process what just happened with Manager Kim.

“Y/n.” A hand touched your shoulder.

Instinctively, you flinched and wrapped your arms around your shoulder.

“Are you okay?” The hand immediately fell off your shoulder. You recognized this voice. It was Bang Chan.

It might have been the wave of relief rushing through you — or that you started to process what had just happened — but as soon as those words left his lips you couldn’t contain the tears rushing out of your eyes.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You sniffed, turning away from him to wipe your tears away. It was so embarrassing that you were crying in front of somebody you just met. Moreover, you could sense people in the building starting to stare.

Bang Chan looked at you in confusion for a moment. “Did you want to take a walk? We can find a quieter place you can uhh…” He drifted off towards the end, scratching the back of his neck.

You simply nodded your head. Bang Chan gestured for you to follow him whilst making sure to keep his distance from you. You stared at the back of his hoodie as you mindlessly followed him in silence. He meandered through the building halls naturally and confidently, like he had been here his whole life. You sped up your steps to walk beside him, scared that somebody would somehow snatch you from behind. Bang Chan turned his head to check on you before continuing his trek.

He led you towards the familiar elevators that you took every morning so far, but this time, he pressed the button of an unfamiliar floor. This elevator ride was shorter than what you were used to, however you still felt the floating sensation that came with every elevator ride.

The elevator dinged, letting you know that the two of you had arrived. Bang Chan’s arms gestured for you to get off first, and so you did. He got off after you and started leading you to his destination. You walked in silence with your arms still crossed over your torso.

He kept up his pace, and soon, stopped in front of a door. Using a key card to unlock the door, he opened the door for you to go in first.

Although it was cozy, the room was small. With a desk on one side and a single black couch on the other, it was clear that this room wasn’t meant for a lot of people. You looked at the walls. Green, strange.

“Hold on, lemme just…” Bang Chan mumbleded as he rushed past you to the couch and tossed a shirt and an opened bag of chips out of the way. “Here, you can sit.”

You sat down. “Thanks.” You rasped.

“Did you want some water?” He asked.

“Yes, please.” You replied in a quiet voice, not wanting him to see that you cried — although it was really obvious by now.

He left in a flash, leaving you alone in the room. At least the door is locked. You thought.

The unnerving silence of the room left you alone with just your thoughts. Thoughts on Manager Kim, on how you cried in front of Bang Chan, of Yoojin. Yoojin!

You pulled out your phone and found yourself filled with worry again. You quickly dialled her contact number.

“Y/n?” A voice picked up in an almost confused manner.

“Yoojin, thank god. Are you okay? I went to where you said you were and couldn’t find you.”

“Oh my god, Y/n!” She suddenly bursted out. “I’m so, so sorry. I messed up the parking lot I was in with yours! I’m the world’s dumbest person. I don’t deserve your friendship.”

“Yoojin, it’s okay, mistakes happen. And friends always help each other.” You try to calm her down. “As long as you’re safe right now.”

“I am, thank you Y/n.” She sniffled. “But, you didn’t run into any trouble trying to find me right?”

You decided not to tell her about Manager Kim. She had a long day already, what with her injury. “I didn’t. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

“Oh,” she said, “alright. In that case, I’ll go get some rest now. Goodbye Y/n.”

“Bye Yoojin, I hope you get well soon.” You hung up.

With Yoojin being safe, you had one less worry on your plate. However, now that you weren’t consumed by your worry for Yoojin, the only thought that you had was the looming threat of Manager Kim. What if he was still looking for me? You thought. What if he tries this on me again? What if I get fired?

The dark thoughts started to overwhelm you so much to the point where you couldn’t control your tears again. You put your face in your hands, silently begging yourself to stop crying. You were scared. Scared for your future, your safety, and your reputation.

“This place is so big, you’d think they’d place a few more vending machines…” Bang Chan abruptly interrupted your thoughts.

You flinched, startled.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s just me.” He had that boyish grin on his face as he unscrewed the lid of the plastic water bottle before handing it to you.

You accepted the water and took a sip. “Sorry, I’m just—” You were scared to finish that sentence. If Bang Chan knew how rude you were to his boss, he could get you fired as well.

Bang Chan looked at you in confusion for a couple of seconds. “You know,” He started, “you don’t have to tell me what happened, but I’m here for you. We’re friends, remember?” He sat on the chair at the desk.

“Thank you, Bang Chan.” You smiled at him. “I appreciate it.”

“You have a nice smile.”

“What?” You knitted your eyebrows.

Bang Chan cleared his throat. “Nevermind, umm, do you wanna see what I’m working on?”

“Umm, sure.” You replied awkwardly.

Bang Chan got out of his chair and turned it around for you to sit in, which you did. He turned the chair around to face the monitor and leaned over you to log in to his computer. His bangs flopped in front of his eyes.

“This was that song I was talking about yesterday.” Bang Chan pressed a button, and a sound started to emit from the complicated looking software. It was a simple but nice beat, although all the audio clips and millions of random colours on the screen seemed to contradict that.

“There’s so many options on the screen, how do you know what you’re doing?”

“Honestly, it takes time to get used to. I’m still not sure what some of these settings do.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Do you wanna try it out?”

You nodded your head, eagerly. You had never seen something like this before. Bang Chan reached over you to take hold of the mouse. He scrolled through hundreds of folders before opening the one he was looking for.

“These are just random audio clips I usually use in songs,” he said, “you can drag them on the screen and it’ll be added in the song.”

You dragged a random audio clip to where he said so and clicked play. The song played, but with a very loud and badly timed bass in the middle. The both of you laughed, and you started to add more random clips to the song. Soon, the song became so cluttered with your add-ons that it started sounding unrecognizable.

“It’s so bad.” You laughed, turning your head around. Bang Chan was already looking at you. His expression was unreadable. You looked back at him.

Silence.

After a moment, you realized that you were just looking at him with no words. You cleared your throat, turning back to the monitor. “What if I add this one?”

You dragged a random audio to the beginning of the song and played it. As soon as the song started, the audio clip interrupted everything else. It was an incredibly loud audio of Bang Chan yelling ‘Stray Kids’. The two of you bursted out laughing.

The two of you stayed in that room for hours, just playing around on his editing software and with his equipment. He showed you how he made new songs, and how he would use his mic and keyboard to add to them. You even asked for him to play you some of the old songs he published. It took a long time to convince him, but he embarrassingly complied. The two of you were having so much fun with music that you did not realize how late it was until you remembered to check the time. That seemed to be a recurring incident for you.

“It’s getting kinda late,” you said. “I should go, I have work tomorrow.”

Bang Chan agreed, “I’ll walk you out.”

And so, you gathered your bag and followed Bang Chan out of his little office to the elevators. The two of you rode the elevator in silence, but this time, it was a comfortable silence. You didn’t feel the need to make any small talk, nor fiddle your thumbs.

You continued your way out, finally exiting the front doors of the building. However, you came to instantly regret that as a gust of wind hit your bare skin, eliciting a shiver from you. Of course, you didn’t have your jacket. It was lost in the midst of your run-in with Manager Kim. You reminded yourself to look for it tomorrow.

It seemed that Bang Chan had noticed. “It gets cold fast here this time of year,” he shrugged off his hoodie. “Here, you can take this.”

“No, it’s fine, really.” You said. “I don’t live too far anyways.”

“You can’t catch a cold on your first week of work,” he said, “I would feel guilty.”

Bang Chan shoved his hoodie in your hands. It seemed like he wasn’t going to budge on his decision, so you shrugged it on. It fit very loosely — the hem of the hoodie reached your thigh and you had to roll the sleeves up quite a bit to expose your hands. It was warm though. And it smelled like him.

“Thanks,” you looked at your shoes, “for this and everything else.”

“Don’t thank me,” he flipped your hood around so it wasn’t inside-out. “Friends, right?”

“Right,” you nodded. “I’ll get going now.”

You waved to Bang Chan and started on your way home, feeling much better than what you had felt earlier this evening. The journey home didn’t feel as dangerous as before now that your mood was lifted. The looming worry of facing Manager Kim eventually was still in the back of your mind, but you pushed the thought away as best as you could.

The train ride was soon over, and your walk home was very quick as well. Everything seemed to go so smoothly when you were confronted with imminent danger. You quickly entered the passcode to your lock and safely got in your apartment. You put your bag down and looked over to your kitchen. I didn’t even eat dinner yet.

It was already so late, but all you had in your kitchen were eggs and ramen. It wasn’t healthy, but it was something. You reminded yourself for the second time since yesterday to go grocery shopping. Maybe on the weekend.

You were busy cooking your ramen when you received a text on your phone. Looking over the counter, you read the text.

Bang Chan: Did you get home safe?

You typed a reply.

Y/n: Yup ^^ making ramen right now

Bang Chan: Ramen? I’m jealous TT

Bang Chan: I’m on a diet but when I’m off I’ll eat 5 packs of ramen everyday

You giggled at the text and typed a reply. Then he replied. Then you did, then he did again. Your back and forth went on for the rest of the night, even as you ate your ramen and brushed your teeth, only ending as you fell into a deep slumber.

The next day was an important one for you. Amongst all the other tasks you had given to you, you were to hand in the notes that you’ve been taking from others. This was especially nerve wracking, however, as you were to also pitch Bang Chan’s idea to Manager Chen.

Before you left, you remembered to bring Bang Chan’s hoodie. You quickly folded and stuffed it in a random bag. On your way to the office, you couldn’t help but feel it in the pit of your stomach. The anticipation of officially pitching ideas to your boss. Also, not to mention the possibility of running into Manager Kim again. You weren’t excited at the premise of that.

You decided to finish all your tasks before pitching all the ideas to Manager Chen. Plus, you wanted time to double check that you had all your notes together too. You straightened yourself at your desk, and with that, you started working.

It was tiring, but honest work. You worked hard today, only making time to take a lunch break. You found yourself smiling at your phone while eating your sandwich when you saw a picture of Bang Chan’s ‘diet lunch’ he sent to you. You took big bites of your food, happy that you didn’t need to diet.

Finally, after a long day of work, the time came to report to Manager Kim. You grabbed your notebook with both hands and slowly shuffled towards her office. Stopping in front of her door, you took a deep breath before knocking.

“Come in,” she said.

You opened the door, walked inside, and placed your notes on her desk. “Hello Manager Chen. I know this is too early to be giving you my notes, but somebody submitted a really promising idea.”

Manager Chen took your notebook to read through it, her hand on her chin. You listened to the ambient silence of the room. She was focused on your notes, nodding a few times as she flipped the pages. She cleared her throat, and you stared at her with wide eyes, giving her all your attention.

“You’re right. This content does look promising. It would be a bit rushed, but if we quickly start on it, we could produce it in time.” She gave you a look whilst handing your notebook back. “Type this up and make photocopies of it. This will be one of the main points of our Friday meeting tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Manager Chen.” You tried to keep a straight face when taking leave.

Hands clenched on your notebook, you briskly walked past all the cubicles over to the washroom. You tried to keep a straight face in front of your coworkers, but as soon as you entered the washroom, you couldn’t fight the smile on your face.

“Yes!” You whisper-yelled.

Your fingers immediately went to your phone to text Bang Chan, but you decided to hold onto that idea. It’ll be a surprise tomorrow, you thought. Instead, you chose to send a text to let him know that you had his hoodie.

Y/n: Are you in the building? I have your hoodie.

The reply was almost immediate.

Bang Chan: I stayed at the dorm today, you keep it for now haha

You assumed he was simply tired from all the work he had. There were probably multiple schedules and projects he had that were completely separate from the one you were working on. That is also probably why he works so late everyday. Not to mention being an idol was an all-day-everyday sort of career.

It didn’t take a long time to type up and print your notes. You finished your task by delivering the photocopies to Manager Chen’s mailbox, and since there was nothing else on your plate, you decided to head home.

On your way home, you reluctantly stopped by the parking lot building to look for your jacket. You asked the lot attendant and scoured through every corner of the lot. You had even tried to retrace your steps from yesterday, trying to block the memories of Manager Kim out on your search for your jacket. The search was thorough, but nothing came from it. That was a really cute jacket too, you sulked. Also, your lanyard was in the pocket of your jacket. You really did not want to apply for a replacement so early on in your time here.

You left the lot and left for the subway station, a little disappointed that a perfectly good jacket went missing. Although you knew it wasn’t your fault — and you certainly did not regret shrugging your jacket off to escape — it was still a shame that you lost it, now you had another thing to worry about.

At home, you had another ramen dinner along with some tea. Strangely, this was the only mundane night you’ve had since you started your job. You recounted your memories of the days prior. You cringed at your drunken activities from your first day and swore that you would never get drunk with strangers again. Tuesday wasn’t bad comparatively — it was the day you had coffee with Na-eun and Yoojin. And Bang Chan, of course. Yesterday was not a day you wanted to remember, although you did appreciate Bang Chan calming you down afterwards. He was a good friend.

Your night was slow. The majority of your time was spent mindlessly scrolling through social media, silently checking up on your friends back home. You also spent time texting Bang Chan. Somehow your conversations strayed from work-related over to movies, music, and everything in between. It was amazing how, despite being so busy, he still managed to stay positive. You admired that about him.

You started to get ready for bed. Before you went to sleep, you played scenarios of tomorrow’s meeting in your head, preparing yourself for what to say if anybody made you talk.

The next morning, you woke up bright and ready to go. It was the day of the long awaited meeting. That, plus it was Friday. You were nervous, but excited for today as this was the meeting where Bang Chan’s content idea could either be sent for production or tossed in the trash. All these thoughts were running loose around your head as you got ready to go to work. You dressed in your most expensive blouse and skirt whilst trying extra hard on your makeup.

You made sure to arrive at the conference room early so you had the option of choosing your seat this time. You weren’t about to take your chances like last time.

There were only a couple more people in the conference room who came early like you. You greeted them as you walked in, choosing to take a spot further away from them to avoid awkward interactions.

More people started to flow in as the meeting was getting closer to starting. You fiddled around with your pen, clicking it open and closed, when you noticed your friend come in. Bang Chan was again dressed in all black. He wore a beanie and a black hoodie that was almost identical to the one he gave you. He gave you a smile and a nod of the head before heading over to sit in the chair beside you.

“I had such a long morning,” he whispered as he placed a bottle of mango juice in front of you, “I love those kids, but sometimes…”

You mumbled a ‘thank you’ under your breath. “What happened?”

“One of them left a mess in the kitchen last night and didn’t bother to clean it,” Bang Chan rolled his eyes, “so I had to do it for them before leaving.”

“What are you, their father?” You giggled.

“More like their maid.” Bang Chan smirked.

The two of you kept up your small talk until you saw Manager Chen enter the conference room. A number of the employees, including you, greeted her. She returned your greetings and began the meeting. It seemed like Manager Kim wouldn’t be coming.

“Although this was meant to be a preliminary check up meeting, I want to bring up an idea that was submitted by one of our team members.” She started passing out the photocopies you made. “The idea was to film promotional content for our China project. Since the Mid-Autumn Festival is at the end of the month, if the majority of us agree to push forward with this, we should be able to plan, film, and produce this content in time.”

“Won’t we be short on time?” Somebody asked.

“I am confident that, if we rush the planning, we will have enough time for filming and production.” Manager Chen replied. “Now, what are some ideas that we have for this content?”

“We could turn making mooncakes into a competition,” you offered your idea. “They could spin it into something funny, plus, this competition could take up a lot of air time.”

Manager Chen nodded in response.

“We could go somewhere in the mountains to get a better shot of the moon,” somebody in production added. “We can also set up a lantern-making episode.”

The rest of the meeting consisted of even more brainstorming. Many ideas for the content were thrown out and you carefully listened to each one before making up your own opinion silently in your head.

Finally, it seemed like everyone’s brains were wrung dry as there were no more ideas being thrown out there.

“Now we can vote to either go ahead with this idea or scrap it. A show of hands for those who are in favour of this idea.” Manager Chen announced.

Hands went up. It was almost unanimous. You looked over at Bang Chan, eyebrows raised in surprise. He returned a similar look.

“Since the votes were overwhelmingly in favour of putting this idea into action, we will go ahead with the Mid-Autumn content.” Manager Chen looked over at the production members. “Our production crew will start planning right away, and hopefully, we can finish this project before the day of the festival.”

You were overjoyed. This is the first time you had say in a project like this. It was a nice feeling to be in a team and have your opinion valued.

Manager Chen ended the meeting soon after, and you said goodbye to Bang Chan, assuming he was busy for the rest of the day. You were also busy. You left the conference room and diligently started your tasks for the day.

At the end of the day, you were exhausted. The fact that it was a Friday afternoon just made you want to leave work even faster. As soon as it was time to leave, you rushed out of the office, not wanting to catch the afternoon rush hour.

The packed train ride felt so long as you just wanted to get home and rest. You soon arrived at your stop and hopped off before starting your walk to the apartment complex. The thought of jumping in your bed and doing nothing for the evening lingered in your head, making you walk just a bit faster. You hiked up the stairs, over to your door.

There was something placed in front of it.

It was your jacket. And it was completely ruined.

You slowly bent down, picking it up. It looked like somebody put a lighter over it. There were many burnt holes and tears on the jacket. Your heart rate sped up as you knit your eyebrows in confusion.

Standing up, you heard something fall out from your jacket.

It was your lanyard.

Drawn over your picture, in black sharpie, was a hoodie.

It was weird, yes, but what really made you feel nauseous were the two X’s drawn right where your eyes were.

[princealberich]

GENSHIN IMPACT NAME MEANINGS - MONDSTADT

I wanna preface this by saying that I am by NO MEANS an expert in languages! I’m fluent in English, and that’s it- I’m just very interested in name symbolism!

That being said- it appears that all the Mondstadt names are, in fact, canonically English- Most of the Chinese names translate directly back to their English counterpart 1 to 1. Despite this, I included any possible meaning in their Chinese names, just in case!

AETHER (ENG): A Greek God, the personification of the “Upper Sky”. Represents the air that the Gods breathe, rather than the air of mortals.

KONG 空 (CH): Empty, hollow, in vain, sky, air, free, spare time, free time.

SORA 空 (JP): Sky.

Notes: Definitely a correlation to the sky- With the Chinese translation, could be ‘Empty Sky’.

LUMINE (ENG): To light up, to illuminate.

YING 荧 (CH): Fluorescent, amazing, glimmering.

HOTARU 蛍 (JP): Firefly.

Notes: All linked to light. Could represent the light to Aether’s sky? The light that it’s missing?

PAIMON: An obedient king of Hell under Lucifer’s reign in “The Lesser Key of Solomon”, a book on demonology written mid-1700′s. He has 100-200 legions of demons and wears ‘a precious crown’.

“Teaches all arts, philosophy and sciences, and secret things; he can reveal all mysteries of the Earth, wind and water, what the mind is, and everything the conjurer wants to know, gives good familiars, dignities and confirms them, binds men to the conjurer's will.”

“If Paimon is cited alone, some offering or sacrifice must be done, and he will accept it; then two kings called Beball (Bebal or Labal) and Abalam (Abalim) will go to him together.”

Notes: ...I’m not saying that Paimon is the unknown God, but. Well. Also, Paimon’s name appears to be universal.

KAEYA (ENG): A feminine Indian name meaning ‘Monsoon Flower’. However, it’s also a phonetic translation of his original Chinese name.

KAIYA 凯亚 (CHI): This isn’t a name in any databases. 凯 (Kai) means ‘Triumphant’, while 亚 (Ya) means ‘Inferior, second’.

GAIA ガイア (JP): Pretty much another translation, though in Japanese, it can be loosely translated to ‘Victory song’.

Notes: This is a difficult one. Unless anyone else has a better grasp on languages and understands it, please let me know! However, it may allude to his and Diluc’s fight... Somehow. Triumphant second son, maybe?

AMBER (ENG): Fossilized tree resin. However, it’s also phonetically similar to the original name.

ANBO 安柏 (CHI): Again, this doesn’t seem to be a direct name. 安 (An) means “peace/quiet”, while 柏 (Bai) means “cypress tree/cedar”. Together it may mean a peaceful tree, but it could also just be a recreation of the English name ‘Amber’, due to their similarities.

ANBA アンバー (JP): Translates directly to ‘Amber’.

Notes: It’s at this point that I, a man who can only speak and read English, have made a mistake in doing this. I think her name really is just ‘Amber’, though.

LISA (ENG): ‘Devoted to God/Oath from God’.

LISHA 丽莎 (CH): 丽 means ‘Beautiful’, but this is pretty much just a direct translation of ‘Lisa’.

RISA リサ  (JP): Translates directly to ‘Lisa’.

Notes: Her name is Lisa. Her name is just Lisa.

DILUC (ENG): I couldn’t find any names here, let alone meanings.

DILUKE 迪卢克 (CH): 迪 means ‘To enlighten’, 卢 means... ‘Old Rice Vessel’? I’m not sure. 克 can be translated to the name of the Seventh of the Legendary Flame Emperors.

DIRRUKU ディルック (JP): Appears to be yet another phonetic translation of his name.

Notes: Genuinely cannot find anything non-genshin related to the name Diluc. Maybe the Flame Emperor thing is intentional, given he’s a Pyro user?

Edit: Anon brought up that his name is likely taken from the latin word ‘Diluculum’, which means ‘Twilight’. Similarly, ‘Crepus’, his father’s name, translates to ‘Dusk’.

JEAN (ENG): ‘God is gracious’. Apparently, it’s of Medieval Scottish/English origin!

QIN 琴 (CH): Refers to the qin, a 7-stringed Chinese zither. “There are 3 category sounds produced by the Chinese Zither. Harmonics represents the sound from the heaven. Open strings represents the sound from the earth. Stopped strings represents the human beings.”

JIN ジン (JP): An actual Japanese name, most translations point to ‘human’ interpretations!

Notes: I’d wager that her name is meant to represent her humanity and love for Mondstadt, if it’s not just a translation.

BARBARA (ENG): Linked to Saint Barbara, whom was killed by her father. She’s the patron of architects, geologists, artillarymen and stonemasons. Very heavy religious connotations- It’s also worth noting the similarities to the name ‘Barbatos’, though.

BABALA 芭芭拉 (CH): Considering the repeat phonetic, I’m fairly sure this is just a recreation of the name ‘Barbara’.

BABARA バーバラ (JP): Translates directly to ‘Barbara’.

Notes: Just Barbara. She’s just Barbara.

BENNETT (ENG): “Blessed little one”, or a derivative of Benedict.

BANNITE 班尼特 (CH): Pretty much a direct translation of ‘Bennett’.

BENETTO ベネット (JP): Translates directly to ‘Bennett’.

Notes: baby boy

DIONA (ENG): A variant of “Dione”, from Greek mythology. Said to be the mother of Aphrodite, and means “From the Sacred Spring”... Possibly referring to the event in Diona’s backstory, in which she was granted her bartending talent by a ‘Spring Fairy’ that she befriended.

DIAONA 迪奥娜 (CH): Translation of Diona.

DIONA ディオナ (JP): Same as above.

Notes: If you want to know more about that, see Diona’s lv5 story!

FISCHL (ENG): A German surname meaning “Dweller at the sign of the little fish; the little dealer in fish.”

FEIXIEER 菲谢尔 (CH): Translates to “Fischer”, which is a similar German surname.

FISSHURU フィッシュル (JP): Translation.

Notes: “Prinzessin der Verurteilung” Translates to “Princess of Condemnation”. “Fischl von Luftschloss Narfidort” Translates to “Fischl from Narfidort Castle in the air”. I know this isn’t her real name, but I don’t want to spoil anyone, so I can do that separately.

VENTI (ENG): ...It’s a starbucks drink? But it also means ‘Twenty’ in Italian.

WENDI 温迪 (CH): Translates directly to “Wendy”, which... Might be a reference to ‘windy’? 温 translates to ‘Temperature’, while 迪 has no real word translation. ‘Wendy’ as an English name was popularized by Peter Pan! I wonder if that has anything to do with Venti’s eternally youthful appearance?

WENTI ウェンティ (JP): Translation.

Notes: “In demonology, Barbatos is an earl and duke of Hell, ruling thirty legions of demons and has four kings as his companions to command his legions. His name derives from Latin barbatus, meaning ‘bearded, old man, philosopher’.” Okay... That sure ain’t him.

On another note, maybe the English translation changed ‘Wendy’ to ‘Venti’ because it’s a traditionally feminine name.

Edit: @silver-dust-12​ pointed out that ‘Venti’ means ‘winds’ in latin!

ALBEDO (ENG): Not actually a name. However, it IS a word. ‘The proportion of the incident light or radiation that is reflected by a surface, typically that of a planet or moon.’

On another note, in alchemy, it has a specific definition. Taken from wikipedia:

“In alchemy, albedo is one of the four major stages of the magnum opus, along with nigredo, citrinitas and rubedo. It is a Latinicized term meaning "whiteness". Following the chaos or massa confusa of the nigredo stage, the alchemist undertakes a purification in albedo, which is literally referred to as ablutio – the washing away of impurities. This phase is concerned with "bringing light and clarity to the prima materia (personal material)".

The albedo is the second stage of alchemy. In this process, the subject is divided into two opposing principles to be later coagulated to form a unity of opposites or coincidentia oppositorum during rubedo.

Alchemists also applied it to an individual's soul after the first phase is completed, which entailed the decay of matter.”

ABEIDUO 阿贝多 (CH): Translation of ‘Albedo’.

ARUBEDO アルベド (JP): Translation of ‘Albedo’.

Note: Interestingly, his is the only name so far that is a pre-existing word... Apart from the Travelers’.

KLEE (ENG): A German surname that means ‘Clover’. Likely related to her clover symbolism!

KELI 可莉 (CH): This only brought back Genshin results, so... Pretty sure it’s just a translation of ‘Klee’.

KURE クレー (JP): Near certain this is another translation.

Note: I’d say the English is what it’s meant to be, here!

MONA (ENG): Means ‘Noble and Aristocratic’, which is pretty fitting.

MONA 莫娜 (CH): Translates to ‘Mona’.

MONA モナ (JP): Translates to ‘Mona’.

Notes: Easy one!

NOELLE (ENG): ‘Christmas’, or ‘Birth’. She was born in March, though...

NUOAIER 诺艾尔 (CH): Translates to ‘Noelle’. 诺 means ‘Promise’.

NOERU ノエル (JP): Translates to ‘Noel’, the masculine form of the name.

Notes: I find it a little weird that this is her name? But it could be due to the name’s involvement in religious texts. Also those roses look like shrek’s ears

RAZOR (ENG): “An instrument with a sharp blade or set of blades.” Another word name, fitting considering he wasn’t raised by humans.

LEIZE 雷泽 (CH): Almost a translation of ‘Razor’. Can’t find anything else.

REZA レザー (JP): Translates to ‘Leather’.

Notes: I mean, pretty self explanatory. Wolf boy.

SUCROSE (ENG): “A compound which is the chief component of cane or beet sugar.” Word name, again!

SHATANG 砂糖 (CH): Translates to ‘Granulated sugar’. Literally the Chinese word for sugar.

SUKUROOSU スクロース (JP): Translates to ‘Sucrose’.

Notes: Definitely compared to sugar... Which is cute :)

---

And that’s all of the currently released Mondstadt characters! I’ll follow this up with a Liyue post soon. sorry for how long it got, so remember to tag as ‘long post’ for your followers’ convenience!

[nyx-aira]

Hold me just a little bit longer (part 6)

Summary: Things are spiralling more and more out of control. Is love strong enough to hold it together?

A/N: This is my favorite chapter so far. I really had fun writing it and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Tag list: @escapetodreamworld @midnight-lestrange @king-star @nataliahaslosthershit

You've been having a rather uneventful day so far. Getting out of bed you made yourself a cup of tea, reading one of your books and just enjoying your morning. You hadn't talked to Agnes after the strange occurrence yesterday, too tired after you had run through half the city.

Looking up from your book you heard footsteps and saw your girlfriend walking down the stairs, a weird look on her face, almost as if she was surprised to see you.

"Morning Agnes." You said, a little bit salty, not looking up from your book. She owed you an explanation, because clearly something was going on here and you wanted to know why. No excuse, no nothing, you wanted answers.

"Good morning darling." She eyed you warily, clearly aware of your mood. Making her way to the kitchen she poured herself a cup of tea, her eyes never leaving you, she knew something was going on, and she didn't like it.

Sitting down next to you she eyed you questioningly. "Is there something wrong darling?"

Closing your book you turned around, facing her. "How about you tell me?" Opening her mouth to speak you interrupted her, having had enough of her nonsense. "No, no excuses. Something is going on here, strange things are happening and I wanna know what's going on Agnes. Now." Looking at her you saw confusion written all over her face but with all the time you spent together you knew how to read her expression, she was hiding something and you were determined to find out what. "Agnes. What. Is. Going. On?"

Getting more frustrated every second you got up from the couch, pacing through your living room. Growing more agitated as the silence stretched out longer and longer, only your angry footsteps making a sound.

"You know I think I'm gonna head over to Wanda's."

Wipping your head around you looked at her, already halfway out the door.

"Agnes!" You yelled but she ignored you. Clenching your fists you stormed after her, grabbing her arm.

"What is your problem?!" You yelled, not understanding what was going on with your girlfriend, she always told you everything.

"I'm heading over to Wanda's, have a nice day darling." She said, voice monoton, as if she didn't care about what just happened. Prying off your hand she walked away, leaving you fuming on the sidewalk, your blood boiling.

Not wanting to go back inside you decided to go for a walk, trying to calm your thoughts. What was she thinking, going to Wanda's. As if running away from you would fix her problems. No, no, no, no. When she would come back you two would have a talk. Explaining to you what the fuck was going on.

Talking yourself more and more into a fit you realised that this wouldn't get you anywhere. Taking a deep breath you tried to relax, focusing on the scenery instead of your own racing thoughts.

You had been gone for longer than you expected, because when you entered the house nobody was there. You looked around but it was completely silent, well not exactly. The TV was on, some kids show with some monsters. Confused you walked into the kitchen, two more mugs of tea on the counter, cold. You had a strange feeling, the same feeling you had when you were running home yesterday. Peeking into the other rooms you found them empty, a feeling of dread and fear starting to creep you out. Damn it, where was Agnes when you needed her? You just wanted to call out her name when you heard a noise. Whipping your head around you realised it came from the basement. Great, you thought to yourself, that's the start of every horror movie.

Grabbing a knife from the kitchen you made your way downstairs, the dim lights and creepy shadows amplifying your fear. If you thought about it you've never been down here before. Squinting at the dull lights you tried to make out the way, the rooms getting darker and darker the more you moved forward. How big was this basement? You were just contemplating to go up again when you stumbled over something. Cursing as you fell to the floor, scraping your knees in the process. Getting up from the floor you noticed something in the dim light. The floor was covered in strange vines and roots.

Confused you started following them until they led you in some sort of lair. There were stone pillars holding up the ceiling and symbols were carved into the stone, old glass cabinets lining the walls, filled with skulls and bones. Looking up to the ceiling you tried to find out where the vines came from but it was too dark. This whole place was creeping you out, sweat dripping down your back, your hands shaking. Whatever this was you didn't want to stay to find out.

Turning around to leave you came face to face with your girlfriend. You let out a scream, stumbling backwards, dropping the knife, heart racing with fear.

"You weren't supposed to see this."

"A-Agnes?"

"Let's just go back to the living room shall we?"

She offered you her hand, expression blank, a pleading look in her eyes.

Shaking your head you stepped back, determined to get to the bottom of this.

"No Agnes, I need to know what's going on here."

Dropping her head she sighed, sadness in her gaze. When she looked up again her eyes were purple, glowing. With a twist of her hand she slammed the door, locking you inside the room, the vines starting to glow purple, some sort of energy moving through them. You looked around the room and then back to your girlfriend, confusion, shock and fear written all over your face.

"Y-You..y-you..."

"Darling let me explain..." She demanded, stepping closer, reaching for you but you were scared, scared of the woman you thought you loved. Hurt crossed her features as she realised that, taking back her hand.

"Agnes.."

"It's Agatha." She interrupted you, guilt on her face as she saw your face drop.

"What?" You voice was a mere whisper, shocked and hurt by the revelation. She lied to you, you weren't even sure anymore if her love for you was real.

"Please darling let me explain. I know I haven't been honest with you but I can't bear the thought of loosing you. Please."

You saw the pleading look in her eyes, desperate for you to listen but she broke your trust. She lied to you.

"No." You said determined, voice breaking. "I'm sorry but it's over."

"No!"

Grabbing you by the shoulders Agatha slammed you into the wall, pinning you against the stone pillar.

"No!"

She lunged forward, your lips crashing, she kissed you hungrily. Pressing herself against your body, holding you there in an iron grip you were sure you were gonna get bruises from. Shocked and angry at her actions you tried to resist her at first.

But you soon found yourself kissing back, all the anger and rage fueling your kiss you gripped her by the waist, not gently, not caring, just wanting to feel something.

The only thing you cared for was the feeling of her lips on yours. This kiss was different then any of the kisses you shared before. You were both desperate to come out on top, wanting to assert dominance, your rage and bottled up emotions intensifying the feeling, none of you willing to back down.

You felt like your life depended on this, loving and hating the way you reacted to Agathas touch, craving more but also detesting yourself for yearning for her touch.

Grabbing her by the collar of her shirt you deepened the kiss, needing more, not wanting to think anymore, just feel.

This was getting out of control, both of you knew that, neither one making a move to end it.

You felt her grip on your shoulders tighten as you both fought for dominance, feeling her magic pulsing through your body you let out a shocked gasp. Agatha used that chance to take control of your kiss, pressing you further into the wall.

You ignored the hard stone pressing into your back, the hands painfully gripping your shoulders and the fact that you didn't need to break away for air, just wanting to make her feel like her life depended on this, like your life depended on this.

All the secrets and lies, all the anger and rage, betrayal and sadness. Everything felt more intense, more real than ever before. You never ever wanted to feel like that again. Never.

Giving in to the sensation nudging your brain you let Agatha take over, feeling her magic pulse through your body, showing you what she couldn't tell you.

It was madness, letting her take over your mind, it felt like you were one, not knowing where you ended and she started. All you could feel and see was her.

Getting overwhelmed you got pulled back to reality at the feeling of Agatha caressing your cheek.

Pulling away in shock you looked at her. Eyes and hands glowing with magic, a hungry looked on her face. This wasn't Agnes, the nosy neighbour you had met and had fallen in love with. No. This was Agatha, the ruthless, powerful witch, centuries old, malicious and dangerous but you couldn't bring yourself to care.

Pulling her closer once more you crashed your lips into hers. Ignoring the voice in your head telling you that this was wrong.

Yes you had fallen for the villain but wasn't it more fun that way?

[starlight-in-my-eyes]

Hope for Dark Wings

A fanfic for twp where Ash reaches Magnus for help

Tag list- 

@shadowhuntingdemigod @bookeater34 @wannabe-warlock @queenlilith43

@adoravel-fenomeno @thomaslightwood  @patriwinterviolette

Dm me if u wanna be tagged or removed :)

Rough day ahead, Magnus thought glumly as he waved Alec goodbye. Jace had taken his little blueberry and Raph for training – whatever training 2 little boys could do but both of them wanted to go with their Uncle Jace. He had closed the door and was just about to go make coffee when he heard a light tap on the door, it was faint but someone had surely knocked it. He peeped through the – well, peephole and saw a hooded figure. A normal person would have rung the bell. He gathered his magic in his hands and made a barrier that wouldn’t allow the intruder to enter without his permission.

“What do you want?” he called

“I am looking for Magnus Bane” the voice was male and young; his voice carried a faint British accent.

“He checked the many wards he had put up when he and Alec had initially started living here and found himself opening the door surprisingly; he should not have done that.

“I am not in working hours right now. Though I am not in working hours anytime of the day for a mysteriously hooded person bear that in mind-”

The hooded figure pulled down the hood of his cloak and Magnus stood gawking at the blond boy. Years of being alive had supressed his curiosity in many things but now all that he could do was stare for all that he knew that this could be an Eidolon demon. Every cell in his body screamed for him to do something, raise an alarm probably but this demon or boy could not hurt him, not with the wards and him standing outside of the house. He gave himself time to relax and looked in the eyes of the boy. Green eyes. But his eyes did not remind him of the Seelie Queen who was all wicked and barbaric instead, they reminded him of his little Biscuit’s during the months of war and when she had no love. A name ran through his mind, Ash Morgenstern. Ash. Ruins. Devastation. But looking at the boy he could not think how someone soo broken can cause much destruction, but then again a broken glass is what makes you bleed.

“I want your help Magnus.” His voice broke Magnus from his reverie. “I don’t know anybody here and who to ask for help, so I came to you hoping that you would be kind. I know you have no reason to trust me but I swear on Fairyland and by the Angel that I will do no harm to you and the people you love. Please please Magnus, I know nobody else I can go to”

His voice sounded soo desperate and soo broken that Magnus couldn’t help but remember helping two other blue-eyed boys. The difference now was that he trusted those two, this one, he did not.

And yet everyone deserved a chance to prove themselves, Magnus had learned. So, he let the boy in but did not set down the wards or his guard.

“Explain” he said.

So the boy did. He told Magnus about how he and the Jace from the other realm: Thule had managed their way here and how Jace was the only person he had. He told him about what the other Jace wanted: Clary, that surprisingly did not shock Magnus. And then he told him about the deal the other Jace had made with the Seelie Queen.

Everybody had been apprehensive of the future but that was because of the Cohort. Nobody could have expected this. Nobody. He was aware his expression to Ash did not change as Ash continued his story but, on the inside, he felt the need to do something, go to Alec and tell him everything, take his little children and lock them in a cellar. He wanted to run to Jace and Clary and tell them everything so they can be prepared but he remained seated on the sofa in front of this boy who seemed shattered, it was as if he had gathered his tiniest broken pieces he could bring himself to gather and mustered all the courage he had to come to him for help.

He realized that Magnus was not the only one who had taken a great risk in allowing Ash inside. Ash also had no reason to trust Magnus as well. He saw Ash wipe away a tear hastily. Magnus knew what it felt to lose the only person you had and worse was that Ash hadn’t lost the other Jace, rather he had turned and taken a path that Ash could not. Ash did not like his mother that much was significant. He also did not approve of a Jace killing the another Jace, and that told Magnus more about Ash than anybody could have guessed.

“You must have heard about me from Emma Carstairs and Julian Blackthorn, you know there’s these incantations on me that make people love and protect me. Jace did not love me, he was merely under a spell. I knew this spell wouldn’t work on you as you’re a child of a Prince of Hell so I came to you. I want you to help me get that charm off me. I am tired of people helping me because they have to, I want someone to love the real me”

Magnus considered. He didn’t have experience with this kinds of spell but then again, most things he did were completely new, such as with Alec. He said he’ll help Ash but also, he’ll tell his friends about their meeting, this will not remain a secret. Ash will not remain a secret. Ash agreed.  

“I just don’t want to meet anybody until the charm is off me. They may come to love me and when we remove the spell all those false feelings will become dust and I’ll have to begin with them again, better not start now” Despite the sorrow in his voice he seemed a little hopeful.  

Magnus understood, “Where will you go and how can I reach you if I don’t know where I can find you?”

“I don’t know where I’ll be going now. Um..you know there are these things called cell phones.....you may not be aware of them but these are small rectangular box like structures and we can use them to contact people very far away.......”

Despite everything, Magnus found a smile creep up his mouth.

~~

Thanks for reading This was my first fanfic ever so if u liked it please appreciate, I’ll feel motivated

[justalarryblog]

Hey beca! How are you? Do you have any recommendations fic like hl already in relationships, mpreg harry, they struggle to have a baby? Or arranged married? That have 100k words above? Thanks

Hi anon, thanks for the message! I'm doing fine, I hope you are too. :)

The only one I have mpreg!Harry that they struggle to have a baby is this one:

I Hope You Dance by @wickedarcher_08 (83k) | Explicit

Louis and Harry have been struggling with infertility for over a year. After many failed attempts, they decide to seek a specialist, but they end up with more than they ever dreamed.

For mpreg!Harry that is +100k words, I have:

Say Something by @kingsofeverything​​ (105k) | Explicit

At fifty years old and recently divorced, Omega Harry Styles isn’t interested in dating. When his doctor suggests a heat and rut matching service, he signs up out of necessity. It’s the only use he has for an Alpha in his life.

Twenty-eight-year-old Alpha Louis Tomlinson aims to change that.

I also have a tag for Mpreg fics in case you wanna check if there's any other to your liking.

For arranged married, I've read these:

Through Eerie Chaos by @mediawhorefics (102k) | General Audiences

For as long as anyone can remember, Old Hillsbridge Manor has always been believed to be haunted. Everyone in the village agrees and keeps a respectful, fearful, distance. New in town after a bad breakup and an internship that led to disappointment rather than a permanent job, Harry Styles figures taking pictures of the decrepit building could be a great new creative project. Or at least a much-needed distraction while he searches for a job and crashes at his parents’ new house. No one warned him about the apparitions though; about the music, the laughter, the people who flicker and vanish when you call after them, the echoes of a past that should be long gone… Harry has never believed in spirits but even he can admit that there’s something weird going on. What starts as mere curiosity evolves into a full-blown investigation and soon enough, Harry finds himself making friends with an aristocrat from the 1920s and struggling with finding the best way to tell him that he’s dead.

The Ghost Hunter AU where Niall lives to prove ghosts are real, Zayn is a skeptical librarian and Harry gets caught up in a century-old mystery and catches feeling in the process.

Part 1 of Through Eerie Chaos

tastes like summer, smiles like may by @outropeace (47k) | Explicit

“Is this true?” Harry grabbed the beta by the shoulders. “Bryce, where did you hear that?”

“There’s rumors going around the castle,” he smirked. “stories about his beauty and his cold attitude. They know he is an omega only because of his scent, but he has never had a heat.”

“Do you know what this means?”

Bryce smirk grew into a big smile. “He can’t give you an heir.”

A cold prince, an alpha with nothing left to lose and a kingdom with a secret.

Praise the Mutilated World by @creamcoffeelou, @delsicle (106k) | Explicit

It was August when everything changed.

By October, the leaves changed, and so did Louis’ heart.

OR: An enemies to lovers dystopian au where Harry is an elite alpha and Louis is a rebel omega with too much to fight for. Every move made is monitored, and a fertile omega’s purpose in life is one thing: to give children to their alpha.

a dream is a wish your heart makes by orphan_account (22k) |Teen And Up Audiences

Fairytale retelling of Cinderella, where Harry is a servant boy who’s too kind, Louis is a prince in an arranged marriage, Liam is Harry’s step brother, and Niall is Louis’ dutiful grand duke.

Si Pudiera Volar by @softfonds (68k) | Explicit

When Harry’s fiancé leaves him for his cousin, he looks the other way for the sake of his happiness. He’ll do anything to forget about him, including joining a monastery. It isn’t until his cousin’s former lover, a pirate, appears that he realizes everything is not as it appears, and an honest pirate might be the only person worthy of his heart.

Or, a fic loosely based on Corazon Salvaje.

The Murmur of Yearning by @mediawhorefics (93k) | Mature

Four years ago, Harry Styles was forced into a marriage of convenience to enrich and ally both his and his promised’s families. The sudden, and slightly suspicious, death of the Marquess of Haxshire, however, brings great disturbance to Crescentfield Hall and, as his late’s husband’s closest male relative, Harry unexpectedly finds himself the head of a family he never felt he belonged to. Between a meddling distant cousin hellbent on inserting himself in Harry’s life, his wicked and mistrustful mother-in-law and his late husband’s advisors refusing to help or take him seriously, Harry struggles in the fight to keep what he’s earned and make the Estate finally feel like home.

Luckily, he doesn’t stand completely alone and finds himself an unlikely ally in Mr Tomlinson, the elusive Land Stewart who has been taking care of the property in the shadows for years. Louis Tomlinson is caring, patient, and unlike everyone else, he doesn’t seem to think Harry committed a murder.

the sanctity of patience by @scrunchyharry (22k) | Teen And Up Audiences

When young Lord Harry was chosen by King Louis of Bavaria to become his husband and prince consort, Harry thought all of his dreams had come through. His illusions came crashing down when he understood it meant living in isolation in the alpine castle of Neuschwanstein with a husband who turned out to be far from what he had hoped for.

His illusions vanished, Harry will have learn to appreciate what has and even, perhaps, fall in love with his imperfect husband and his castle.

Winter Pines and Ocean Eyes by @binarysunsets (14k) | Teen And Up Audiences

Harry is awoken by the sudden weight of his dog across his chest, and he yawns and stretches his arms above his head, relishing the crack of his back the gesture produces and sending Fen tumbling down onto the bed. There’s a niggling sensation that he has something important to do that day, but in his still-sleepy state he’s struggling to recall what it is. When it hits him, he freezes mid-rub of his eyes, and his hand slowly falls to the furs strewn across the bed. His fingers tangle into the fur and he bites his lip.

Right. It’s that day.

The day he’s meant to travel south.

Or, the arranged marriage au between young viking Harry, son of his clan’s chief, and a certain caesar by the name of Louis, heir to the empire.

Liberté by @larriebane(64k) | Mature

AU. 1647. “Pretending you don’t have a heart is not the best way to not get it broken. It’s just the easiest.”

Or the pirate AU I always wanted to write

Teenage Rebellion Never Worked Out So Well by @panda_bear21 (55k) | Not Rated

“I’m an adult!” He glanced down at Harry, who seemed anything but at the moment, where he was definitely on the brink of a temper tantrum. “We’re both adults!” Jay glanced to Anne again, before breathing out a heavy sigh. “Yes, but you’re both adults that do not have jobs and who live off of our money… Which means, you have to do what we say… or you’ll have to find a new place to live.” “You wouldn’t do that.” Louis dared, hoping his glare was enough to guilt trip his mother into calling the whole thing off. Or to tell them that it had all just been a huge joke and they weren’t actually being forced into marrying a complete stranger. “Oh, but we would.”

Or the super cliché arranged marriage fic where things escalate way too quickly.

infinitely all for me by @swallowsmateforlife (10k)| Explicit

The Alpha Louis’ been betrothed to since he was 14 has finally come of age and Louis’ been delivered to his home.

or: the one where they figure it all out

keep me safe, keep me sane, keep me honest by @hilourry (8k) | Explicit

Louis is the Prince of England. All past omega princes and princesses have been married and pregnant at age 18, so his parents arrange him to be married to Harry Styles, the royal family’s PR guy.

Sail Across Me by @iwillpaintasongforlou (21k) | Explicit

Harry is a prince that is about to be forced into marriage against his will and running away to sea seems like a much better option. Louis is the captain of the infamous pirate ship The Rogue and he has a thing for helping defenseless creatures. Especially when they're as pretty as this one.

London is well worth a mass  by @dolphinaaaa (93k) | Not Rated

Louis is an Omega prince of France. When he is 13, he is betrothed to Harry of England for politics. The wedding will seal the alliance between the two coutries. This is their story.

Please feel free to check my fic tags if you want to search for other fics! Happy reading, anon!