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darl1ngpearl · 8 days ago

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ME AND THE DEVIL ,

- HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

Dealer!Ellie x fem!Reader

WARNING!!: pure sloppy mess, Ellie is kinda (very) mean, wlw, parties, protective Ellie, INTOXICATION, SEXUAL ACTS UNDER THE INFLUENCE, TIPSY READER, HIGH ELLIE, slight bratty reader, pussy eating (r!recieving), degrading, praising, pet-names, getting caught, ect.

NOT PROOFREAD

“Cmon baby, cum for me. Be a good girl f’me.”

That was all you needed, the sounds ripping from your mouth grew more desperate, even louder, you trying to reach your high as soon as you could.

You were gripping onto the back of her head, your knuckles turning white from the strong grasp you had on your girlfriends hair, tears were streaming down your face, and you gasped for air with each breath.

In a split second, the door that was previously rattling swung open with full force and crashed against the wall beside the frame, sending the door rattling forward.

“Oh fuck!”

Ellie and you had been invited to a typical Halloween party. Well, Ellie had been invited.

Many frat boys had been privately messaging the woman any and all time of day, for a whole week, begging her to turn up to the party, purely for her weed.

In all fairness, it was the perfect time and place for Ellie to deal, so why wouldn’t she go?

She mentioned the party to you, which you immediately agreed to, loving the opportunity to dress up for Halloween.

When it came to the day, you had got your girlfriend up bright and early so you could both prepare, even though the party was late at night. However, you couldn’t contain your excitement.

You full handily admit that you had gone overboard with the costumes and with one glance at Ellie, anyone would agree. The woman wore a black dress shirt, paired with black jeans, but you had painted her whole body a deep red colour from head to toe. She also wore a pair of devil horns, and even added some smoky black eyeliner to complimented her look.

The woman acted like you painting her was the worst thing to possibly occur, throwing a fit about how it will stain, or she will paint everything red by simply taking a step. All you replied with was a roll of your eyes or a snarky comment.

Your outfit wasn’t as extreme. You wore a white dress and a halo, along with a wide variety of gold jewellery and pearls. Although, the dress you wore did little to cover you, which was evident when Ellie was pulling it down every two seconds.

When the both of you arrived at the party, Ellie immediately found her spot. She sat down on a couch, that was shoved against a wall in a far end of the room, and she sat her backpack between her feet.

You stood beside her for a few moments, before large groups of men and women started to crowd your girlfriend, begging for a little of anything. You let out a puff of air, annoyed that sweaty men were pushing you aside in order to get in line for some weed.

With a pout, you had made your way to the makeshift bar to pour yourself a drink. Your measures were extreme, pouring a whole cup of alcohol with a dash of mixer.

You gulped down the drink the second it was made, grimacing at the burn it left, before pouring another drink, which was not as strong.

Very quickly, you made your way to the dance floor, and found Jesse and Dina, who were close friends of you and your girlfriend.

You busied yourself with the couple, and for most of the night, the three of you were going back and forth between the dance floor and the makeshift bar. You would grab drinks for Ellie now and then, making quick trips to her, handing her the drink and asking for many kisses. Although, the both of you would get interrupted almost every time, by yet another person asking for a smoke.

Each time you would walk away with a huff and a stumble in your step, heading straight back to the dance floor.

Without a doubt you were tipsy. It was obvious to those who knew you by the way your mood changed, and you had a wobble in your stance.

It hadn’t even been five minutes since you saw Ellie, but you shouted to Dina over the blaring music, who was standing directly next to you, that you needed to go and see your girlfriend. The woman merely nodded, and turned her attention back to her boyfriend.

You stumbled out of the crowd, scoffing and scowling at a man who tried approaching you. You felt sticky and you felt tired. You also felt upset, because you had hoped to have fun with your girlfriend at the party, but instead you spent it third wheeling the other couple present.

When you got the couch, you threw your body down on the furniture with a huff. Your head hit Ellie’s shoulder, and your legs crashed into her leg. She let out a small scoff at your careless action, before speaking once more.

She was mid conversation with the host of the party, so you decided to just stay quiet, but the both of them could tell you were aggravated. Ellie simply rolled her eyes and continued conversation with the male, thanking him for the invite and complimenting how lively the party was.

They continued to speak for what felt like forever to you, but in reality was only a few minutes. When he left, Ellie turned her head towards you, looking at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Problem?”

You grumbled and shuffled closer to your girlfriend. She lifted an arm, allowing you to get comfortable, before draping the same arm over your shoulder. Ellie planted a kiss on your forehead, leaving a faint red mark behind.

“Jus’ miss you elsss”

The woman couldn’t help but chuckle, the slur in your speech was hilarious, but also cute in her eyes.

“I’m right here mama”

You whined and rested a hand on her inner thigh, slowly caressing the area with your thumb. Ellie hummed and although the woman was already manspreading, she spread her legs further.

“Yes you are here idiot, but you have been sooooo busy, every time i wanted a kiss some dirty, sweaty boy would push me out of the way so he could give a kiss to a stupid joint, which you stink of, by the way. s’ not fair, wanted to spend the night with my girlfriend n’ I have been spending it squashed between Dina and Jesse all night! They even invited me to a three way kiss Ellie!”

The woman frowned and clicked her tongue. With the hand that wasn’t resting on your arm, she grabbed your chin and squeezed it between her fingers and thumb.

“First of all, don’t fucking talk to me like that, who do you think you are? Second, I pre warned you before we came that I will be selling all night, incase you wanted to complain like a brat, which you just did. Third, it doesn’t hurt to ask. You could’ve said you wanted to spend more time with me here, and I would’ve dropped everything just for you. Got that?”

With a closer look at Ellie, you could tell by her bloodshot eyes that she had also been smoking. You whimpered and nodded your head, now feeling guilty for the way you exploded.

“So?”

The woman tapped her foot against the hardwood floor, waiting for a response from you, who began to ache in her hold.

“I am sorry, jus’ wanna spend time with you”

The woman nodded and removed the grasp from your jaw, causing you to then open and close your mouth a number of times, stretching it out to relieve the ache.

You felt the two hands of your girlfriend grasp onto your waist, before your whole body was shifted onto her lap. You sat up straight and look down at Ellie, who was staring up at you with a smirk.

“You look so good ma”

The comment caused a crimson tint to sore across your cheeks. You turned your gaze away from Ellie, in an attempt to relieve your flustered feeling although, Ellie let out a tut at the movement, not agreeing with you facing away.

Her roaming hands rested comfortably on the flesh of your ass, which was anything but covered by the thin fabric of your dress.

You caught a few people standing by staring at the both of you, whispering to one another. It caused you to grumble and turn your attention back to Ellie.

The woman only chuckled, catching the people in the corner of her eye.

“Not enjoying the attention baby?”

You only responding with a shake of your head, causing Ellie to fake a pout. She didn’t care who was around, or how many people were around, she would do what she wanted to you without a care in the world.

You rolled your eyes at what she was doing, which your girlfriend very clearly disproved of. She lifted her hand from your ass, before landing a harsh slap on the skin.

Your whole body jolted forward and you let out a whimper in pain, which the woman paid no mind to.

You watched as she sent a wink towards the group a standing by, before she rose to her feet, sending you stumbling to your own.

You watched as the woman packed away her many bags of weed nuggets, pre-rolls, and god knows what else, with haste. You couldn’t help but knit your eyebrows together, confused on why the woman was packing up.

She slung her backpack over her shoulder and held out a hand to you, which you very quickly excepted. The woman pulled you from the stuffy corner and started to head her way to the dance floor.

“are we going to dance?”

You had to shout over the blaring music, that grew louder with every step you took. Through the many people you were pushing through, you could see the dealer should her head and only reply with a chuckle.

“Pleaseee els”

You whined pathetically in her ear, your head resting against the woman’s shoulder. Her slender hands were gripping onto your ass, grinding you back and forth against her jean clad thigh.

“Shut it. Cut it with the begging and take what you are given. Remember who is in charge here.”

Your pussy was throbbing, its juices dampening the fabric beneath. Your body was covered in red smudges and handprints, whereas the paint on your girlfriend’s exposed skin became patchy and faded.

The white bedsheets were stained with the red substance, from Ellie’s constant shifting or her movements prior.

You had been grinding on the woman’s muscular thigh for around half hour, your body growing tired, and the ache in your core only getting worse.

“I-I’ll be good els, promise! Do anything you want, please please!”

The woman scoffed and stopped what she was doing. You raised your head to look at her and she spoke, staring directly in your eyes.

“You? Good? Don’t piss me off.”

Your eyes welled with tears, and your girlfriend only squeezed the fat of your ass. You held onto the fabric of your shirt and continued to beg.

“I will be good! I will els I promise! Pretty please, anything you want I will do I swear Ellie.”

Ellie cocked an eyebrow, and stared directly at you for a few moments, before your position was flipped. You were now lying on the stained bed, and Ellie hovered over you. You hummed in satisfaction, and spread your legs for Ellie to slot in between them.

“Made such a mess on my thigh baby, look at it.”

You felt her finger and thumb wrap around your chin, angling your head to stare directly at the thigh positioned between your thighs. You nodded your head and Ellie merely chuckled.

The painted woman kissed across your neck, slowly trailing them down to your belly button. With each kiss, a red mark from her chin or cheek was left behind.

She shifted in between your legs, her muscular arms wrapping around your thighs, and her head millimetres away from your cunt. She planted a peck over your clothed clit, causing a shiver to rush through your spine.

She hummed and panted another kiss over the clothed bundle, this time it being sloppy. She kissed, sucked and licked at your clit, teasing the nerves that were pulsing under the contact. Salvia was pooling in the corners of the woman’s mouth as she continued to suck on your clit.

You through your head back at the sensation, and you couldn’t help but buck your hips each time her lips came into contact. There were tears brimming in your eyes due to pleasure, and droplets of sweat were building up on your forehead.

Ellie pulled away for a mere moment. She lifted her head to look at the sight of you before her, whilst her tough hands tugged your underwear from your body.

When the fabric slipped from your ankles, she stuffed them into her back pocket, and dove straight back into the position she was in before.

She once again kissed at your clit, the action making you clench your thighs around her head. Ellie chuckled and pulled your thighs apart, before she teased the outside of your cunt with the tip of her tongue.

You couldn’t hold back the moan that fell from your lips, you felt like you were in heaven, which is ironic considering your constume.

Ellie got bored of the tease within moments, her tongue darted into your cunt and she instantly started eating you out like a rabid beast.

Constant moans ripped from your throat, you listened to the sound of her sloppy mouth and your juices squelching, only turning you on more. A frequent grunt would fall from her lips, her enjoying the sweaty moment more than you.

Her hands were tight around your thighs, squeezing the fat every time you jolted. The state you were both in was obscene.

Your hands quickly found their way to the back of her head, grabbing fistfuls of her hair and pushing her in further, gasping at the pure bliss you felt.

Your moans only grew louder, already feeling the knot tie in your lower stomach. You listened to the woman slurp everything she could, she had no shame, which honestly you loved. She never tiptoed around anything, just got straight to the point.

Over the mixed sounds of Ellie and you, you couldn’t hold back hear the rattle of the doorknob, although you didn’t pay it much mind, too busy chasing your high.

It stopped after a few tries of whoever was behind the door, them accepting the fact they were not getting in.

A guttural moan escaped your mouth, and a cold sweat rushed from your head to your toes. You were moments away from cumming all over your girlfriend’s face.

“O-oh fuck Ellie! I’m so close! So soooo close!”

You whined aloud, begging your girlfriend for a release. Ellie spoke muffled, refusing to lift her head from your pussy.

“Cmon baby, cum for me. Be a good girl f’me.”

That was all you needed, the sounds ripping from your mouth grew more desperate, even louder, you trying to reach your high as soon as you could.

In a split second, the door that was previously rattling swung open with full force and crashed against the wall beside the frame, sending the door rattling forward.

“Oh fuck!”

Your head shot up at the sudden bang, locking eyes with Jesse who was staring at the both of you with wide eyes. All colour quickly drained from the males face, and you could see the head of Dina pop out from behind his shoulder.

Although, before you could say anything, you were quickly drawn away by your orgasm washing over you. The sound that left your mouth was inhumane. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your whole body shook with the intense feeling.

Ellie paid no mind to those who burst through the door, you wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t know they were there. She continued eating you out like it was her last meal, causing shocks to course through your body, creeping towards the feeling of overstimulation.

“E-Ellie!”

The woman only grumbled, refusing to lift her head, in fact trying to bury herself deeper in your cunt. You tugged at the woman’s hair, trying to pull her away, but she only grew agitated, landing a harsh smack on the thigh.

You felt truly humiliated. Your head crashed against the pillow beneath you and you let out a cry of pure embarrassment.

Your girlfriend huffed and lifted her head, wondering what the fuck was going on. Your lips were puffy and swollen, her cheeks were flushed with a bright red, and a mix of juices and saliva dripped from her chin.

She stared at your sprawled out state for a for moments, proud of her work, before turning her attention to the couple in the doorway.

She wasn’t embarrassed, nor shocked or humiliated. In fact, she was furious she got interrupted.

“Are you gonna just stand there and watch? Or are you gonna get the fuck out bro?”

You watched as Jesse jumped, before quickly spinning around and clashing against Dina, causing a scoff from his girlfriend.

Dina shifted out of his way with a role of her eyes, before he grabbed her by the hand and tried to pull her away from the scene as soon as he could.

Dina, similar to Ellie, had no care about what she just walked into, instead she was amazed.

“Jesse, why can’t you eat me out like that.”

A/N : my apologies it is very rushed 😕 I wanted to finish as soon as I could, I hope you enjoy 🥹

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pawnshopbleus · 4 months ago

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These Are the Days

Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader

High School AU

Summary

Change is hard for everyone, especially when it's right before your senior year of high school.

Your parents are successful and hardworking lawyers so when they have the chance to open up a firm in Seattle, they take it, leaving you to start your senior year in a completely different state.

With no friends and zero clue on how to get to your homeroom, you begin to think that this year will be worse than your freshman year. Luckily, the captain of the softball team was in the right place at the right time.

When You Can Expect Chapters

When I feel like it

Playlist

Warnings

This includes descriptions of cheating, attempted assault, underage drinking, underage smoking, homophobia, mild child neglect, and more. If this bothers you then please feel free to exit this work at any time. With that being said, please enjoy These Are the Days.

Chapters

Prologue

One - The Hallway

Two - And the Rest is History

Three - Champagne Coast

Four - Sunflower

Five - The Emerald City

Six - Friends

Seven - Paper Bag

Eight - Melted Away

Nine- Theodore

#abby anderson tlou2 #abby anderson x reader #abby the last of us #abby x reader #abby tlou #abby anderson x female reader #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams x dina #jesse tlou #joel miller #tlou fanfiction #the last of us part 2 #owen tlou #cross posted on ao3

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puriiinz · 5 months ago

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OOMF | smau ellie w.

overall: super sexy twitter user ellie williams is a kpop hater. literally all of twitter knows that. but what happens when she finds out that her oomf (and her hallway crush) is a kpop fan?

contains: cursing, nsfw jokes, classic brainrotted teenager humor

00:00-CAST

01:00-IRONY

02:00-FRIDAY NIGHT

03:00-FANCY

04:00-VON DUTCH

05:00-FROM THE START

06:00-PROVE IT

07:00-TBH

#puriiinz #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #tlou2 #ellie williams x fem reader #the last of us #tlou smau #jesse tlou #ellie williams tlou #dina tlou #tlou fanfiction #tlou #ellie tlou

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cherriesxinthespring · 6 months ago

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can we collectively start the babygirlification of jesse from tlou.

he's a bi king

#the last of us #ellie williams #jesse tlou #tlou fanfiction #tlou2 #tlou part 2

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heartpascal · 4 months ago

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joel’s place

▹— joel miller x platonic!reader, hints of jesse x reader

▹— summary: you visit the cemetery

▹— a/n: this is inspired by the song robert’s place, simon robert french. i think it fits the situation perfectly :( — also i wrote this over many months so it may read a bit inconsistent, sorry! it also isn’t proofread, and by the end might’ve turned into just a string of consciousness idk

▹— warnings: major character death, grief and all that follows, mentions of scars & previous injuries, TLOU 2 SPOILERS, once again MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS, lots of angst, talk of canon typical violence, abby mentioned, ellie and dina mentioned, also can be read as platonic for jesse i think, long lasting injury effects (please add if there’s more! i’m rusty)

▹— taglist: @rhymingtree @sleepygraves @wnstice (everything!) @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915 @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @rvjaa @sunflowersdrop @definitely-not-a-seagull-i-swear @miss-celestial-being @hqkon (pedro!)

MASTERLIST if you can click on my masterlist, you can also do your daily clicks!

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Eventually, the snow bled into summer.

Time tumbled and warped, moved on, the world spinning, seasons changing and months passing by like nothing had ever happened. Sometimes, when you wake up, the sun shining in your eyes from a gap between curtains, the world feeling warm, you could pretend that nothing had. That the world was as it had once been.

And in the moments of waking, that’s easy. It’s second nature to slip into the past, into better times, where autumn fell and so did you. Where everything felt right in the world.

That, unsurprisingly, didn’t last very long.

But still.

You’re here, your house in Jackson unchanged, despite the year passing by unrelentingly. The only difference being the bloom of flowers at your doorstep, colours bright in the warm sun.

And you, of course.

If you’re honest, it’s probably you that changed the most.

With scars in new places, still aching with a pain that you were certain would never go away. Hair cut shorter, choppier, done by you in the middle of the night some time in the spring. Then there’s the shakiness to your hands, the tremors that linger despite the warmth. A slight limp when you would inevitably tread wrong on your ankle. And a new age to your face, a new hardship reflected in the bags that continue to weigh you down, after all this time.

You’re not sure that the people who were lost that winter would recognise you, had they been here now. There was a whole new air about you, too, lingering in every space you stepped into.

But still. You try not to think too much about it.

Instead, you gather a handful of flowers from your doorstep, bunched together into a makeshift bouquet that you tie with twine. The remaining blooms get a splash of water before you’re setting off from your house, stepping on soft grass until you reach the road.

From there, you wander along the path you know so well, that you have walked so many times. Gravel crunches underneath your soles with every step, unearthing the split second longer it takes for you to put weight on your ankle. It still hurts, but you don’t mind so much anymore. It allows some of your pain to be physical, rather than emotional. It’s a small mercy, really.

People used to call out to you when you walked this route, but they know better now, and don’t bother you when you carry flowers. That, you think, is a small mercy, too.

If you were to glance to your left, you’d see his house. Instead, you focus on your feet, ensuring you don’t roll your ankle again. As much as you try, you can’t accept that there’s someone other than him living there now. You don’t want to see his name pried off of the mailbox, Miller outlined from the five years that the sun bleached the uncovered wood around it.

You like to think that he’s still in there, somewhere, just down the hall. So long as you don’t look, Joel lives on in that house.

You could almost pretend that you weren’t going to his new home. His final home. His resting place, Tommy had called it once. But if you knew anything about Joel, you knew that the man couldn’t rest, not even in Jackson. Not fully. You’ve resigned to calling it Joel’s place.

It comes into view quickly, a mere stone’s throw from his house, and like every other time, you feel dread.

A wave of it crashes over you, leaving you gaping for air. It sinks down your throat and fills your lungs, your stomach, your very being. It’s an all consuming thing. You know his name is going to be carved upon a stone, instead of the mailbox where it should be, and every time you come here, it shatters the illusion. Each time, you have to pick up the pieces, and painstakingly put it back together again.

The flowers sit nicely, giving his place a burst of colour. It makes that pit in your throat open up again, and threaten to swallow your tongue. You know Joel wasn’t really a flower guy, but there’s not much else you can do. If he was here, you’d give him the bag of coffee that still sat useless in your cupboard. But he’s not.

“Hi,” You say into the still air, because you still can’t bring yourself to say his name here. There’s a part of you that refuses to believe it’s him, even after all this time. You practically fall to the floor as you lower yourself, and huff at the inconvenience your old injury still caused you. “It’s been a while.”

And it’s true — it’s been long enough that Zahir, the man who took care of the graves on a more regular basis, had removed the flowers from the last visit. They must have died quickly, which you found to be quite ironic. Still, you hoped these ones lasted longer.

“Dina’s going to have her baby in a few weeks, we reckon. She said that if it’s a girl, she’ll name her Talia. But if it’s a boy…” You smile faintly, just imagining what Joel would look like if he was truly here. “She said JJ. Jesse-Joel. I hope it’s a boy, if I’m honest. I think he’d have Jesse’s smile.”

A breeze shifts the air around you, and you fidget with the tongue of your shoe for a moment.

“Her and Ellie are still living up at that farm, with a whole bunch of sheep. It’s not far, but I don’t see them too often. Ellie doesn’t really show her face around here, much. I think she avoids it because of Tommy, and Jesse’s parents. I don’t blame her.” You continue, breathing in the warm air and hoping it’ll soothe some of the pain in your chest. “Jesse’s parents have tried to visit me, a few times. You would think I’m so stupid for avoiding them like this, I just know it.”

You swallow roughly, trying to push down the lump in your throat. More than anything, you just wish that he could answer you, wish that he could confirm your suspicions on what he would think.

“It’s just… it’s been hard, here. Since we got back. Everything just feels so different.” You scoffed. “Probably because everything is different. You should see Mike and Astrid trying to lead the patrols. Without you and Jesse…” You shook your head, trailing off.

The breeze shook some leaves free from their branches, and sent them swirling down to the ground, where Zahir would sweep them away later. You liked the man. He had been kind and respectful every time you had seen him here, and you appreciated how much care he put into the upkeep of graves of people he hadn’t even known.

Sometimes when you were here, it felt like you were the only person in the world. As if when Joel died, everybody else died with him. And in some ways, you think that might be true. Jesse died right after him, and Tommy was almost right behind him. And Ellie… she lost a part of herself in that basement. After Seattle, you were surprised there was anything left of her.

It was why you always felt relieved when Zahir showed up. He allowed you to realise that there were still people around you, that not everybody was buried with Joel. Zahir reminded you that other people were grieving, too. It helped to know that you weren’t actually alone in this experience, even if it felt like it.

You wanted to tell him how much you missed the two of them, how your life felt incomplete without them in it. You wanted to let the words fall from your mouth, wanted to observe as the breeze caught them and swept them away to somewhere that Joel just might have heard them. But you already felt silly, doing this. Speaking to him, knowing that he couldn’t hear a word of it.

What else could you do, though? Where else were you meant to put all of these unrelenting thoughts? What else could you do with the grief that threatened to bury you right beside the people you missed most?

“So much has changed here. It doesn’t feel like home, the way it used to.” You admitted to the open air, trying not to let regret or embarrassment consume you. The breeze could be comforting, if you allowed it to be.

It’s been a long time since you’ve allowed yourself to be comforted. Maybe too long.

All you can think is haven’t you suffered enough? Do you have to continue the seemingly endless cycle of pain that you have been trapped in for years? Shouldn’t you, after everything, be allowed some comfort?

“If I’m honest, I don’t think it’ll ever feel like home again. Not really. I guess that’s why Ellie doesn’t really visit.” You said, listening to the rustle of leaves, watching the petals on the flowers you’d brought shift. You believe it, too. You believe that Ellie refuses to visit because Jackson has lost its spark. Its livelihood. That, and you’re pretty sure she can’t bring herself to visit Joel’s place, or Jesse’s.

You don’t blame her. It had been one of the hardest things you’d ever done, coming here after returning from Seattle. You felt like some sort of sorry animal, failing to come home with the prey it was supposed to. Despite your best efforts, your jaws remained empty of prey. Your hunt had failed, had turned sideways, had left you feeling more sorrow than before.

How could you come here knowing that Abby was still alive out there? Knowing that, while Joel had been rotting underground, she had a life.

It had taken you a long time to accept that fact. To let it go.

Ellie was still holding on.

You suppose that you have always been better at knowing what went through Joel’s head. At rationalising things. You knew that going after her was never what Joel would’ve wanted for the two of you. But Ellie had always struggled with seeing his point of view. With seeing anyone’s perspective but her own, really. She could never understand Abby, just like she had never understood Joel after what he did to the Fireflies.

Joel would want the two of you here, not on some cross country journey for revenge. And you understand why — because that trip had caused you even more loss. It hadn’t fixed a thing, and at the end of it all, Abby was still alive.

Going after her wasn’t worth Jesse’s life.

If you had known the cost of that journey before you had left Jackson in search of it, you don’t think you would’ve gone. Not if it meant losing him, too.

A glance across the cemetery had your eyes locking onto another familiar headstone. It was still hard for you to face that one, knowing that you were the direct cause of Jesse’s death. Would he had left the safety of Jackson, if you hadn’t joined Ellie on her quest for vengeance? Would Abby have felt the need to defend herself, the kid with her, if you and Ellie hadn’t been so intent on killing her?

One of the worst parts about his death is that you could understand. Had you, Ellie and Joel not killed many people, defending those you cared about? Hell, hadn’t you killed WLFs to protect Jesse? You’d caused people this loss, too. Perhaps his death was just karma, finally catching up to you. But to reduce Jesse to that felt… wrong. He was more than that. So much more.

He should’ve been here. At your side, grieving Joel right alongside you.

Had you chosen to just grieve, rather than avenge, you wouldn’t have to do it all alone. If you had remained in Jackson while Tommy, Ellie and Dina left, you could’ve asked Jesse to stay. You’re almost confident that he would have.

But then you would’ve lost the others, too.

Either way, Jackson would’ve lost its spark of life.

“I think that, maybe, you guys were my home. And that’s why it feels like this.” You look away from the stone with Jesse’s name carved upon it. Admitting it just makes it feel more real, and you know that you will never feel at home again. Not like you did with them.

Your eyes water before you can do anything about it, trailing saltwater down your cheek. It crawls across the scar underneath your eye, and you feel the phantom pain of Abby’s fists upon your face once more. Everything in you aches, particles of loss and decay floating through your veins until it feels like it’s all you are.

But it’s not.

There’s still life within you, waiting to be let out.

Joel and Jesse don’t have that luxury. Which is why you feel like you have to honour them, like you have to actually live, instead of sitting here, wallowing in the pain of it all.

“I miss you.”

The wind brushes against your hair, your face.

“I’ll come back soon,” You promise, resting your palms against the ground to help you stand without aggravating your injury. “Maybe next time I’ll bring your guitar, show you what I’ve learned since we lost you.”

There’s a lump in your throat, and you can’t seem to swallow it. Your goodbye can’t get past it, and you know it will only worsen if you go across to Jesse’s place. You turn, swearing that you will have something more hopeful to tell the open air next time you come.

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asteroidzzzn · 1 year ago

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more than just a dream - out of my league, 001

pairing: college!ellie x reader

synopsis: you transfer to a new school where you only know one person; your childhood best friend. he invited you to a beginning of the year party to meet some new people, but one person, in particular, catches your eye... his other best friend.

a/n: first chapter yay!!! pls be patient w this series bc it takes so long to make all the screenshots of the texts... 😭

genre: social media au, fluff

series masterlist --previous chapter -- next chapter

a/n: first smau in a while kinda nervy... tell me what u think pls!! (✿◠‿◠)

taglist: @ximtiredx @deluluwh-0-re @emluvselandabs @gold-dustwomxn @elliesinterlude @fireflyelllie @trulygnomed @toesorhoes

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams #tlou game #the last of us #tlou 2 #wlw #tlou part 2 #ellie williams fluff #tlou part ii #lesbian #dina woodward #jesse tlou #the last of us fanfiction

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cocoakrispis-blog · 3 months ago

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SCHOOL CRUSH (CHAPTER 1)

pairing ~ ellie x fem! reader

summary ~ y/n starts her first day of school in search of a suitable school crush to m

warnings ~ lots of yap, mainly just build up, ellie only shows up at the end of the chapter

wc ~ 1.4k words

summer had officially come to a close and at the start o your first day you were feeling extremely conflicted.

it was the same pros and cons list every year and this one was nothing different.

on one hand you get to go back into your routine no matter how annoying and exhausting it was. summer freedom was great and all but eventually just like every summer before you were destined to run out of tings to do. on top of that getting through this year gets you one step closer to graduating.

however that also meant you were going to be forced into the same small rooms with the same people you had been going to school with since middle school. there’s definitely more to add onto this list but you currently have other more pressing matters to worry about.

“hey i know we’re like seniors and all but we still do have to pay attention to this stuff no matter how borrowing it is.” you felt dina nudge you in the ribs with a sigh.

“yeah yeah ask or help if you don’t know where all your classrooms are, show up to class, be prepared, have a positive attitude i know all of this stuff dina.” you nudge her back just a little harder.

jesse laughs at your obvious lack of enthusiasm and you all turn back to the senior group leader that was droning on about something you’d spent the past four years hearing.

to be completely honest your poor mood and low motivation could be easily fixed if you just knew you had even the slightest chance of having a good solid school crush. a class crush, club crush, hallway crush, literally anything. unfortunately though this hadn’t been your first time around the block and by your fourth year there wasn’t a chance you would going to be able to even crush on someone without already knowing their whole entire back story through school gossip.

what you needed was someone new.

a girl that you and everyone else around you had never interacted with before. someone who was a breath of fresh air that could motivate you to choose an outfit the night before, get up at 8 in the morning, put on a full face of makeup, and maybe actually bother to maybe smile a little bit more in the hallways like dina had been telling you to.

as nice as that a dream sounded you were fairly sure the chances of that possible happening where near zero percent.

“y/n please stop zoning out they’re handing out our schedules.” dina dragged you towards the long lines of students lined up by their last name. you sighed in response and allowed dina to drag you over to the area, with jesse in tow.

after a long and drawn out wait you finally reached the front of the line and received the schedule you had made almost a year ago now.

“man why did i sign up for astronomy again?” you scratch your head in confusion at your questionable decisions.

“because you still needed a science credit and thought that astronomy would be an easy science due ot the fact that in your words ‘astronomy can’t be that different from astrology i mean i know my zodiac sign’.” jesse’s voice drifted into your ear suddenly which made you jump.

“holy fucking shit dude where did you come from?” you place the hand that’s not holding onto your schedule to calm your racing heart beat.

“heaven.” jesse gave you a satisfied smile at his own joke.

“yeah yeah whatever you creep.” you slightly push him away from you with a small smile.

soon after the small interaction dina makes her way over to you two with a bright smile on her face. clearly she was extremely satisfied with her schedule.

“got all the teachers i wanted this is quite literally the perfect schedule.” dina slightly gloated with the slip of paper displaying all of her classes.

you rolled your eyes and playfully snatched the paper from her to compare hers to yours. soon after you grabbed jesse’s to do the same. eventually ending up with a long winded swapping of schedules.

“dude me and dina only have like three classes together and jesse me and you only have two this sucks ass.” you groan while glaring at the piece of paper you had been handed. they both nodded in agreement with a slight frown on their face.

“hey it’s okay you guys we’ll still see eachother all the time we’re literally the inseparable trio.” jesse throws his arms over both you and dina’s shoulders to pull you into a side hug.

“yeah i’m sure we will but i literally have no motivation to go to any of the classes i don’t have with you guys.” you sigh sadly while resting your head against jesse’s shoulder in defeat.

“don’t say that just yet y/n maybe the dream girl you were zoning out thinking about earlier will magically appear and whisk you away!” you look over at dina to see her giving you a sarcastic smile.

you quickly pull away from jesse and dina to give dina a hard glare.

“hey i totally was not day dreaming about some imaginary girl earlier.” you cross your arms over your chest in retaliation.

dina and jesse simultaneously turn to look at eachother before bursting into laughter at your obvious false statement.

“whatever you guys stop being annoying i know that there’s no chance of the girl of my dreams dropping in out of nowhere-“ you stop all of a sudden when your eyes immediately glue to a girl you’ve never seen before.

jesse and dina give you a weird look when you stop mid sentence and wait for you to continue.

“scratch that look over there oh my god i’ve totally never seen her before literally need her.” you quickly tun around dina and jesse to discreetly point at the new girl.

dina and jesse squint a little to look at who you’re pointing at but as soon as they see her she turns around to reveal herself as someone you all have definitely encountered many times before.

“hey y/n i don’t think she’s new i’ve for sure seen her before.” jesse shakes his head.

“yeah isn’t that the lesbian whitch-“

“who totally puts curses on people.” you finish dina’s sentence with a sigh. “yeah yeah she just looks really different now i guess she finally got a glow up.”

“maybe one of her beauty spells finally worked over the summer.” dina jokes. you and jesse both burst into laughter while dina joins the two of you.

soon after that the small orientation period you reluctantly split up from dina and jesse to officially start your first day. the day went by fairly smoothly nothing crazy had happened yet, but now it was approaching the end of the day and all your classes with jesse and dina had come and gone, leaving you to have to thug it out the rest of the day.

you were in the middle of contemplating skipping the rest of your classes but as you walked into your second to last class, which was the astronomy class you didn’’t remember signing up for you saw something that made you stop in your tracks.

you did a double take before walking around the unfamiliar classroom in search of a seat close to the girl you were entirely sure you had never seen before.

once you sat down in the seat two away from her you glanced at her a couple more times to make sure our eyes weren’t playing tricks on you.

i mean this girl was beautiful. like the type of beautiful that made you. just want to stop and stare for a while. like the kind of natural beauty that didn’t require makeup to enhance it so i could be seen.

auburn hair, hazel eye, and a the cutest face you had ever seen dusted with the most adorable freckles. you didn’t realize it but you were no longer even being discreet about your staring and almost instantly the mystery girl looked up to see you practically slack jawed swooning over her.

you jumped when you made direct eye contact with those gorgeous hazel eyes and cleared your throat before awkwardly looking away.

looks like you did have a reason to go to school everyday now.

a/n: so this is gonna be my first series i’m mainly just playing around with all fo this to see what works and experiment with a couple of things it’s going to be pretty lighthearted and not very plot heavy so i’m telling y’all that now. i’m also. lowkey basing a lot of this off of my own lore i’m really sorry if it gets boring. i’m still working on properly characterizing all of the tlou characters so please be patient with me and thank you for reading!

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie x you #ellie williams #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie x y/n #dina tlou #jesse tlou #the last of us #tlou

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beforeimdeceased · 10 months ago

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A GIRL IS MISSING: LET THE DEAD BURY THE DEAD ❄️🧣⚰️

synopsis: someone left behind a beautiful corpse.

a/n: finally putting the mystery/thriller into this mystery/thriller fanfic wooo! if you wanna set the tone while reading: i listen to a lot of ethel cain and princess chelsea while writing this series!

masterlist

walking over to them felt like a juvenile attempt at making friends. your body clenched. sweat dripping down your neck and building at your hairline. teeth making crescents into the sides of your tongue. you appear before the three grievers and struggle between offering a smile or a handshake or both. you settle for an awkward wave. ellie is too busy comforting abby and they don’t notice you, but jesse does. he gives you a simple nod.

it’s interesting being this close to them. watching their dynamic. abby is completely torn in the way you’d imagine ellie should be. ellie is frowning but in the way you’d imagine jesse might be. jesse has the tear streaks you thought ellie would have. you take a deep breath, awaiting maria’s further instructions.

“alright and team 4,” she pauses looking over at their sad faces. “we’re going to have you guys search near the creek.”

you remember playing by that creek. using the water for mud pies and dirtying up your hands and clothes. coming home and getting lectured about it. getting asked about the stains at school. you were an explorer, an adventurer, and a creative out there. you’d hoped that time didn’t make all that wash away.

jesse drove. ellie took the passenger’s seat, fingers fiddling with a ring. a cursive letter d etched into a heart on top of it. abby sat in the back with you, her head looking outside the window. watching the life pass by.

you couldn’t stop yourself from trying to figure them out. which one was the last to see her? what did they talk about? what did she say? do any of them think she’s alive? are any of them hiding something? do they know where she is? did they kill her? are they planning on killing you now because they can tell you’re figuring them out?

“i can’t do this sober.” ellie breaks you out of your thoughts. you realize that you’ve already arrived at the creek. jesse pops open his glove box and pulls out a flask. your stomach sinks a bit, you feel guilty for being accusatory. even if it’s just in your head.

“one sip, each of us gets one,” he takes his. “but we need our heads on straight if we’re going to find her.” jesse hands it to ellie. she looks at him, a real mean piercing gaze. something crude on her tongue? she puts the flask to her lips and takes a sip, then holds her hand out back towards you.

you can’t refuse, it’d be rude. so you take it and take a sip, then you look over at abby. you’re scared to touch her. to scare her. to make her start crying again after she’s finally calmed down. it’s almost as if ellie can read your mind, she calls out abby’s name.

“what is it? oh, we’re already here? i zoned out.” she looks away from the window and you hold the flask out in front of her. jesse looks at her through his rearview mirror. “one sip. and make sure you’re wearing your gloves, you don’t need anymore bruises on your hands.”

she takes a sip. “because people get funny ideas?” she raises her eyebrows. saying it like it’s something we’re all supposed to know the answer to. like it’s a stupid question. jesse shakes his head. “no, because i care about you. but, you make a good point.”

“you’ve just been crying a lot.” ellie chimes up. “i thought you would’ve run dry yesterday, but you’re still crying.”

your eyes widen as you listen to them. attempting to decipher what all of this means. if what you were thinking earlier was true. if these would be your last moments alive, because now you certainly knew too much.

abby looks over at you. “do i cry too much? wouldn’t anyone cry this much if someone they cared about was gone?”

you open your mouth to speak but you’re interrupted. “you say that like she’s not gonna come back.” jesse grips the steering wheel.

“she didn’t fucking run away.” ellie scoffs, rolling her eyes. “cmon let’s go before we lose daylight.”

as you leave the car, you take a deep breath. the tension in that moment was rigid. suffocating. why were they arguing? is that normal? you’d never been alone with these three. you’d barely even had a conversation long enough to remember. you didn’t know these people. you didn’t know what you’d gotten yourself into by volunteering. you didn’t know what was going to happen at this creek.

“if we split up, we’ll cover more ground. do you know the creek well?”

it takes a moment before you realize jesse is talking to you. you nod, and he looks at ellie. “alright ellie, you go with her. i’ll go with abby. let’s meet back here in twenty minutes. i’m serious about that too, a storm’s coming.”

“well we never would’ve known, weather man. thank you.” ellie trudges towards you, wrapping her scarf around her face. jesse rolls his eyes before walking in the opposite direction with abby. you look over at ellie before gesturing your head forwards. you start walking ahead of her hearing her boots hit the snow behind you. then she speeds up and walks next to you. sniffling.

“didn’t you think abby was being weird back there in the car?” she starts. “i mean, it seems to me like she thinks i know something. like i’m hiding something because i’m not bursting into fucking tears every three seconds but…it’s not like i’m not sad. fuck.”

you nod along, pulling a flashlight out to get a better look at the ground. at any possible fresh track marks in the snow.

“i’m angry, at myself mostly. i’m fucking…scared. i miss my girlfriend.”

she looks over at you, and you nod. you don’t say anything you just nod. you let her know she’s understood.

the crack of a tree branch is heard closer to the deeper end of the forest. closer to the frozen over creek. you look at each other once before walking towards it. stomping on in the snow while periodically wiping at your nose.

when you reach where you can guess the sound came from, you hand ellie the flashlight. “here, hold it towards the water. there could be something around here.”

she does as you ask, holding it still so you can look. in all honesty, you were losing hope and just trying to pass the minutes by. it was fucking freezing, and from what you’d learned at the after-search meetings, dina was scared of this part of the woods. she wouldn’t come through here for a million dollars, jesse’s words verbatim.

“you know the police won’t even help out? they don’t think she’s missing. maria’s the only adult in this town who gives a fuck.” ellie chimes up as you wipe some snow off of a rock. you look back towards her, cough up into the icy air, then stand. “what about your uncle? isnt he on the force.”

she looks away for a moment. even though you can’t see her frowning you can tell from the sadness in her eyes. “i don’t wanna talk about it-“

a horrific and tragic scream is heard in the distance. the scream of a young woman. you both turn your heads towards it, then each other, before running to the commotion. it takes two minutes to get through the barren woods. ellie tripped once, and you twice, before coming across jesse and abby. abby is wailing, worse than she was in the church. worse than you’d ever seen her. you can almost hear ellie’s heart stop.

“els don’t look.” jesse grabs her before she can reach the scene. she’s beating against him with her hands, cursing harsh under the scarf. “what is it jesse? tell me what is it? what the fuck is going on?” her voice cracks and tears begin to fall as she falls into him.

you walk past abby, who’s on the ground holding her stomach. she pulls her scarf off and runs behind a tree. you can hear her throwing up. throwing up and crying.

you could’ve never guessed that you’d be seeing what you were right now. not in a million years. a bloody young woman who looked like she’d been ripped in half by some heinous creature. her insides on full display for you. her skin discolored. and the smell, it was god awful. and in what you could only guess was her hands, a heart necklace with the letter e in cursive etched into the front.

the worst part was that, from what you could make out, this was not dina. dina didn’t have the tattoos these remains had. dina didn’t have green eyes. so who the hell is this, and how did she get dina’s necklace?

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chappellroansdreamgirl · 7 months ago

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should i drop it, chat...?

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wasitforrevenge · 8 months ago

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oh sweetheart pt 3

pairing: boxer!ellie x f! jesses sister!reader

word count: 5.4k!!! longest part yet yay

rating: 18+ (smut will be coming in later parts)

warnings: dealer! boxer!ellie, weed, alcohol, boxing, kissing, joel is dead in this, talk of abusive relationship, smoking, they’re drunk but eveything is consensual ofc! lmk if im missing anything

summary: you and ellie share a moment and both of you admit it :)

author notes: hi everyone thank you for all the love on this series <<<333 this is a good one! not all the way edited yet but i wanted to post cause i finished it 20 minutes ago! sorry for the wait but i think maybe some smut in the near future ;) requests are open and id love any feedback. thank you for 200 followers and over almost 2000 likes!! this is unbelievable and im so grateful! pls let me know if u want to be added to the taglist!!!

part 3 | part 4

series masterlist | main masterlist

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist. PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS.

finally friday is here, it feels like you’ve been counting the minutes until you see her again. you woke up around eleven am and put water in the kettle to make yourself some tea as you went to the bathroom to get your morning routine done, paramore playing over your speaker in the bathroom. your routine is something you’ve started to build since you moved to try and keep your anxiety at bay, not all the time it works but its a good way to get your day started. you started with washing your face, brushing your teeth, then brushing the bedhead out of the mess you call hair.

a couple minutes later, you hear the kettle hiss and you make your way back to the kitchen and turn off the stove. you picked your favorite mug out of your cabinet and make your tea. leaving the kitchen, you went back to sit on the couch and think about a million different outcomes that would possibly happen tonight when you see her. you wonder if you’re reading too much into the way she talked to you, was she even flirting with you at all? or just being nice? did she just feel bad about seeing what happened outside her gym?

your phone buzzed in the mist of your thoughts on your and you read a text from dina telling you they’re leaving for the gym around 7 and if you wanted a ride. before responding you pulled up the weather app on your phone and decided you could walk there, its a warm summer day out again and by the time the sun fell, it would be cool enough to walk and it was only about 15 minutes from your house, that and leaving open the possibility that she would want to drive you home again.

you texted her back saying that you would just meet them there. you looked at the time seeing its about eleven thirty so you still have a while until you have to leave. you decided you were gonna be productive today. you did laundry and washed your sheets, did the dishes, vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom and made a sandwich for lunch even thought by now it was 4 o clock. as you were walking around your apartment, you made a mental note to try and find some nice thrift stores around to help you decorate your place. you made your way to your bathroom to shower for tonight.

you love taking long showers, its your guilty pleasure. thanking god that your landlord pays your water bill as you dried off from the shower, put on your strawberry lotion, a big black t-shirt and fuzzy socks to hang around in while you did your hair and minimal makeup. you couldn’t stop thinking about seeing her tonight. new girl was playing on the tv in your room as you finished the final touches on your face. doing light everything since its hot but still wanting to look nice for the occasion: finally seeing her again.

four episodes later and its 6 o clock so you change into a pair of black levi shorts and a green top. your hair and makeup still looked good from earlier so nothing to touch up but you still triple checked yourself. you wish you could have smoked today to help beat the nerves but you wouldn’t have anything until tonight, smiling to yourself thinking of you and her on the phone both laughing when you asked if she was bribing you. you slipped on your converse, grabbed your bag, and locked the front door behind you and started making your way to ellie’s gym.

you got there around seven and you didn’t see jesses car yet but you did see hers. ellie’s beat up 2000 green honda cry sat in a spot towards the back of the parking lot. memories of you leaning on her window practically admitting you liked when she called you sweetheart and the peaceful feeling of comfortable silence you both held.

you heard someone call your name in the distance to turn and see dina getting out of the car, you were so concentrated on ellies car you didn’t even see them pull in. you made your way over and greeted them with a hug as dina wrapped your arm in hers and dragged you in with her, jesse following behind. you tried to calm your nerves but it just wasn’t working. not nervous about being here, even after what happened outside with the man last time, but of seeing her again. you’ve only spoken to her a handful of times but you thought of her more times than you can count.

as soon as you made it closer towards the front door, it was loud, like the first time you were here. loud people, loud lights, loud everything but now knowing it was ellie’s changed it. jesse held the door as dina went in first and you both followed. florescent lights beamed from above you, shining on the sweaty bodies in the gym. it was just like it was the first time you came. your nerves followed you everywhere, but it was worth seeing her again.

you went in and dina guided you guys to the same table you had last time. you wonder if they sit here every time. you looked around for ellie but you didn’t see her anywhere. you saw her car so she has to be here.

dina and jesse got up to go get drinks from the makeshift bar while you sat and waited for them to bring back your drink. you looked over to them waiting their turn when you heard something behind you.

“hey sweetheart,” she whispered close to your ear, and before you could respond she pulled out the the seat next to you and sat down.

“hey ellie,” you said almost startled. she was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, a black t shirt and all her tattoos were showing this time. it was almost mind blowing seeing her and you couldn’t even explain what it did to you. you don’t understand why a girl you barely know has this effect on you.

“i told you to call me el,” she said and laughed kindly towards you, “i have the stuff for you” she finished.

“oh thank you, i’d hope so considering that’s the reason i came,” you joked.

“wait you mean you didn’t come to see me?” she said sounding fake hurt.

“that was just a plus,” you flirted. dina and jesse came back to the table with the drinks before she responded to you and they both greeted ellie as they sat.

“hey els we didn’t see you before we ordered the drinks, i can go get one for ya?” jesse asked her.

“nah i’ll wait til the next round, thanks though” she told him. she smiled at you and the conversation started between all four of you, before you knew it an hour and a half passed, you had more three more rounds and just enjoyed your friday night. the match started and you find it so convenient that you can still see the ring from where the table is so theres no need to get up and watch considering its not ellie up there.

you watched for a bit until it was coming to the end, cheering erupted and ellie told dina and jesse that she was going out for a smoke, before she got up, she leaned over to you and whispered “you coming sweetheart?” softly in your ear, her face inches away from yours, then she moved back and smiled. she held out her hand and you held it as she pulled you up with her as you blushed so hard, you swear you turned into a tomato.

your eyes stayed on her hand holding yours and the beautiful moth tattoo covering her arm, not believing that she’s actually touching you again. you followed behind her as she moved with you through the gym towards the door, as you walked out still hand in hand you saw the side of the building, it was the same place she defended you the first time you met her.

she lead you over to a bench that you never even realized was there. your hands broke as you both sat, she went pull out her cigarette pack and the lighter from her back pocket when she noticed you were staring at her still. she smirked as she opened the pack, and surprisingly pulled out a joint. she put it in her mouth and brought the lighter up to it before telling you “its not polite to stare sweetheart.”

you blushed and looked away as soon as she said it. she laughed and she passed the joint to you, you told her you just couldn’t help it. and you really couldn’t, she’s breathtaking. the way her freckles danced across her whole face, her eyes had a small tint of brown circling her iris, the scar on her right eyebrow, the way her lips just sat perfectly on her face. you so badly want to reach out and touch them again.

you hit it a couple times, you are sure your cheeks haven’t been back to normal since you saw her and you wonder if she’s noticed. you passed her back the joint and she staring at you taking in every detail of you too as she brought it to her mouth and took a hit. blowing out the smoke she smirked, and said “i can’t either sweetheart.”

she leaned back against the bench, legs spread a little as she handed you the joint and asked, “so what brought you here besides jesse?” she acquired. you told her about living in brooklyn, above the cafe you worked and how your time spent there wasn’t totally great but the real reason was running from a shitty past, you weren’t ready to tell her specifics but you told her that’s why you left, you had to get away from what happened there but it was more like who. she told you she understood and then she told you “well i’m glad you’ve made your way here sweetheart.”

you don’t know if it was the alcohol or weed but you sat outside on the bench for another 20 minutes, smoking and laughing as you talked about so much: you talked about the tv shows you’re both watching, the albums you had on repeat, the guilty pleasures you both had and what you both did in your free time. you spoke to one another like you’ve known each other for years. it just feels so good to talk to someone like this again.

she learned that your parents live in portland, so moving coasts was a big deal but you felt like you were on auto-pilot growing up and you knew you had to get out when you could, she learned that you dropped out of college two years and haven’t made any plans to go back but you would like to. you told her a couple funny stories about you and jesse growing up and she laughed at them all.

you found out that she plays guitar and that she spends time drawing and journaling. you learn that ellie was adopted when she was 14, she grew up in boston, and she has an older sister named sarah but that she doesn’t come around much anymore since she gotten married. she told you that her dad passed away from a heart attack about a year ago and since then, her and her uncle tommy.

“im sorry to hear about your dad els” you sympathized.

“its okay sweetheart, just fucking sucks sometimes.” she responded softly as she put the joint out next to her and slipped it back in her cigarette pack. instead this time she pulled out a cigarette and lit that this time. she slid it in her pocket before she stood up off the bench, offering you her hand again and said you should probably head back inside.

you grabbed her warm hand and stood up to follow her, you started the walk towards the side door but before she opened it, she turned around to you and faced you.

“hey sweetheart?” she asked.

“yes els?” you waited for her to continue, her hand still covering yours.

“im glad you came sweetheart, this was nice, i mean as nice as it gets sitting on the side of this place,” she laughed softly, you felt like she was closer than ever but maybe because you just wanted her to be, “you know, id love to do this again.. and maybe play you something on my guitar.. if you want.” she said almost nervously, feeling the urge to look away from you.

“i would love that els.” you said, looking up from staring at your hands together to smiling in her face. you cant believe she asked you, part of you prayed she would, you knew there was a connection here. she realized it too. your eye contact never faded as you stood here.

“great, im looking forward to it more than you know,” she told you sweetly. she let go out hand and you felt slight disappoint in your heart as you assumed she was going to turn around and open the door and this moment would be over. instead, she brought her hand up to your face and let it rest on your cheek as she brushed her thumb over it. the touch of her warm hand sent sparks through your body this time and you couldn’t be bothered moving as she grew closer to you.

“you have no idea how much i wanna kiss you right now.” she whispered, from only what felt like two inches away from your lips. fuck, you thought silently. she was so close to you, you could feel her breathe as she spoke.

“please do it.” you practically whined, you couldn’t take this anymore. all you wanted to do was feel her lips on yours. after you spoke, you felt her thumb move from your cheek to brushing your lips softly. the drinks you had definitely brought out your confident and the want you had for her.

“oh sweetheart,” she purred towards you, “how badly i want to but it has to be more special than this.” she said moving her thumb back to your red cheek.

“just as long as it happens el,” you responded, breathing heavier as your nerves grew in anticipation.

she nodded as she slowly moved her hand off your face and brought it down to your hip and gave it a squeeze, still smiling at you as she reached to open the door and let you through in front of her.

you walk back into the gym and went to find jesse and dina. you saw jesse at the bar and ellie went over to him, telling you she was getting more drinks. you went over to dina at the table and took a seat next to her. you asked her how the match went and she told you same as always and nothing crazy this time.

“you guys were out there for a while, whats up with that?” dina asked while smirking and wiggling her eyebrows at you.

“dina…” you laughed, “we just smoked and talked for a bit.” you replied to her.

“sureeee that’s all, we see the way you look at her!”, she squealed, “and the way she looks at you, it just seems pretty obvious.”

you laughed and told her that nothing happened yet but you did admit to her that you wanted it to.

“stop we knew it!” she laughed loudly and hit the table in excitement. you pulled your hands to your face that was full of embarrassment.

“what do you mean you knew it, was it obvious?” you gasped. your eyes darting towards ellie at the makeshift bar.

“to me and jesse yes.” she told you still smiling over the fact that her two friends maybe starting something new soon.

as you went to reply, the drinks were on the table, jesse and ellie were back already at the table pulling their chairs. the conversation between you and dina came to a halt as you all started talking. you all sat, conversing and finished your last round by the time it hit around 11 pm. you were getting tired and you were definitely drunk after all the rounds of drinks everyone bought. the matches ended an hour ago and you guys were the last few people left besides the lady behind the bar and a couple stragglers paying their tab and chatting.

“hey i think me and d are gonna head out,” he said looking over to dina, who was definitely feeling all the drinks she had, he laughed and said, “this one needs to make it home into bed. can you make it home okay? i can take you now if you need” he asked talking to you.

“no i’m gonna take her home.” ellie cut in before you could respond. you looked at her and smiled as jesse told you to text when you both got home safe. he helped dina up and they made their way to the door. your eyes followed til they left and then you turned to ellie, who was already staring at you.

“that okay sweetheart? that i take you home again?” she asked smirking towards you.

“yeah els, that’s okay.” you blushed as she stood up and put her hand out for the third time tonight. you connected your hands again. touching her had your skin was burning up. you followed her into a back office. paperwork, receipts, and random things littered the room. as you looked around and saw a decent couch, a safe in the corner and a coffee area on a little table and a large desk with folders and boxes of things you didn’t know.

you watched as ellie disconnected your hands to go over to pick up her backpack from the side of the couch and then she grabbed a jacket she had hanging over the deck of the chair to the desk, she slid it over her shoulders then grabbed a piece of paper, writing something non legible from where you were standing. she smiled when she turned towards you and held her arm out motioning to the door for you guys to exit.

the stragglers were gone and the bartender bid ellie goodnight as she walked out the front door. you walked the distance of the gym and made it to the door with ellie, she leaned over and turned the lights off and then held the door opened for you.

you told her thank you and she nodded towards you, “i think we should walk, it’s not far from your apartment.” she spoke looking towards you for confirmation as she turned and locked up the gym for the night.

“that’s okay but how are you going to get home without your car?” you asked. you didn’t want her walking home alone either, you knew she could handle herself but still, the thought made you worry.

“i’m only 5 minutes away from you actually so its not far, ill be back for my car tomorrow.” she told you. you nodded and both of you continued to walk the sidewalk in a comfortable silence next to each other. you glanced up at the sky, noticing the stars and the way the moon beamed over the city. it was so much cooler now than it was earlier and you moved to brush over the goosebumps that covered your arms. ellie noticed your movement and took off her jacket. you turned when you noticed what she was going and told her, “no its okay we’ll be there soon i don’t need it.”

“sorry sweetheart, got to make sure you stay warm.” she smirked as she put it over your shoulders and watched as you put your arms in. you smiled to her as you readjusted it and continued the walk to your place. the smell of her engulfed you and you’ve never felt so comfortable.

“its so beautiful.” you whispered, “and quiet, new york was never like this. they don’t lie when they say the city never sleeps ya know?” you finished.

the city you moved to that you wish you could escape from. the shitty and abusive relationship you wish you could leave behind. the things you tried the most to forget. you never spoke about it, you just ran. the city you wished had better memories connected with it. but now all you want is to create new memories.

when you moved across the country, you told yourself that you’re not getting into anything here because you know you need to heal from the those years of abuse and insecurity so the last thing you expected was to meet ellie and end up feeling this way about her. you don’t want this to happen and you ruin it because you aren’t okay but with her, you feel like you could be okay one day.

“i could only imagine, boston was a busy place too but not the same, it always is quiet here.” she chuckled softly.

“i love it, things finally seem calm now.” you smiled as you looked her. she took in the sight of you in her jacket and she loved it. she can only imagine seeing you wear her t shirts… or nothing at all. she shook the thoughts from her head but she just couldn’t help it. you were the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen. you were breathtaking. she couldn’t believe she’d met someone like you in this shitty small town.

the town where her dad and her moved, and the memories of them together haunted her. now that he was gone, she knew a piece of her was missing. things were incomplete without him. he was all she thought about, the guilt of what happened and how she couldn’t do anything to stop it.

the only time ellie wasn’t thinking about joel was when she was thinking about you, she was grateful that she met you. she didn’t know what this was going to turn into but she hoped it would be something. she sees the effects she has on you and she wishes she really knew how to communicate with you that she feels the same way about you.

you continued the walk in a comfortable silence, both of you wrapped in your thoughts of each another and eventually made it to the front of your building. you turned to face her with a smile,“here i am,” you spoke softly to her, not wanting the night to come to an end.

“here you are, thank you for letting me take you home sweetheart, call it peace of mind,” she admitted.

“thank you for walking me els… do you want to come up?” you said without a thought. you didn’t know if this is was the alcohol talking but you know you didn’t regret it when you said it and you wish that’s what you could blame it on but you knew you wanted this even sober.

“if you want me to sweetheart” she smirked as she responded.

you stepped closer to her as you looked at her, only a couple inches away from her face, watching her eyes move from your eyes to your lips. you knew you both could feel the tension.

“please just say yes.” you sighed wishing you could feel her lips on yours already.

“okay sweetheart, lets go.” she pulled away but connected your hands and it took you a second to recognize that she agreed. you turned around, suddenly nervous about the fact that she’s going to see where you spend your days. you opened the door to the lobby, and ellie held the door as you both walked in. she followed you up the stairs by the front, and you made your way to the front door as you held ellie’s hand in one and used the other to pull your keys from your bag.

you unlocked the door and you brought ellie in with you before the door was shut and you were locking it. you took off her jacket and put it on your coat rack and turned to look at her.

“okay it’s kind of a mess so i’m sorry but-“ you started before she cut you off.

“sweetheart, your place is practically spotless, you should see mine.” ellie laughed.

you laughed as you pulled ellie over to the green couch that took up a lot of your living room but it was a dream purchase and you loved it. you told ellie to take a seat as you walked over to the kitchen and grabbed some water for you both. as you were walking back towards her, she was digging around in her backpack. as you placed the waters down and took a seat, she pulled out weed in a jar and handed it to you.

“here this is yours.” she said.

“oh thank you! i totally forgot, do you want to smoke now- fuck i don’t think i have anything to roll with.” you told her as you went to open the windows in your living room.

instead of saying anything, she reached back into her backpack and pulled out a jar of already rolled joints.

“i came prepared.” she laughed, “and you won’t owe me anything for that.” she said, motioning to the stuff she gave you as her hands were cracking open the jar of pre-rolls.

“ellie- no i’ll give you the cash,” but she shook her head no and brought the lighter to the joint between her lips.

“no, it’s on me, don’t worry about it.” she responded as she took a hit.

“do you give other people weed for free?” you asked, looking at her as she was smoking while sitting next to you on the couch. you wish you could stay like this forever.

“only pretty girls that i like…” she said sweetly as you held eye contact as she handed you the joint.

“oh so you think i’m pretty?” you teased her as you took a hit.

“sweetheart, i think you’re the prettiest girl i’ve ever seen.” she told you. you instantly blush and look away from her, trying not to choke on the smoke you held in your lungs.

“thank you els, i think you’re beautiful.” you said to her. when you looked up, you saw her cheeks tint lightly as she grabbed the joint you held out to her.

“thanks sweetheart.” she said as she put the joint down on a cup at the table you’d been using as an ashtray and she brought her hand up and held your cheek like she did earlier. you couldn’t help yourself as you nuzzled your face into her warm hand. your eye contact only made the tension in the room worse.

“you really are beautiful… sweetheart, can i?” she asked as she looked down at your lips. you nodded and as she came closer, your lips just barely brushing, as she asked, “i need to hear you pretty girl.”

“yes please els- please just kiss me already.” you begged.

her lips were on yours before you could even realized this was actually happening. your lips moved slow together at first but you couldn’t help yourself from deepening the kiss as ellie brought her other hand up and tangled it in your hair as you moaned, her tongue slipped into your mouth, both of you tasting the weed and alcohol you consumed.

one of your hand rested against her chest and the other gripping her arm as you melted into the kiss. both ellie’s hands were in your hair now as your tongues continued to fight for dominance but you let her win and moaned again and she swallowed it as she kissed you.

ellie pulled your leg over her lap so you straddled her, never breaking your lips apart. your lips continued to move in sync as you grinded against her. her hands on your hips moving with you. your lips stay connected until you broke the kiss to come up for air and rested your forehead on hers.

“you okay sweetheart?” ellie panted as she caught her breath too.

“yes els just need a second.” you said as your eyes stayed shut while you tried to control your breathing. you couldn’t believe that you guys finally kissed. the tension was killing you both and now it’s finally happened.

“hey it’s okay, take your time sweetheart.” ellie said as she rubbed a hand along your thigh at a comfortable pace, brushing the cloth from your shorts as she moved it. she brought the other one up to your cheek and lifted your head to look at you. you looked tired and ellie didn’t want to take full advantage of you after you guys had been drinking and smoking all night.

“hey sweetheart, lets get you to bed, we’ll finish this another time i promise.” she said sweetly as you mumbled an “okay els thank you,” and moved off her lap to sit back on the couch. ellie stood up and offered her hand. you stood up and walked both of you to your bedroom.

you moved to sit on the edge of your king sized bed and ellie stood in front of you still holding your hand as you asked her if she wanted to stay the night because it was late and you didn’t want her walking home.

“sure sweetheart i’ll sleep on the couch, and only for your peace of mind.” she chuckled, thinking back to the conversation earlier.

“els we can share the bed, it’s okay, i’ll keep my hands to myself.” you joked and she laughed.

“i don’t think i’d be complaining if you couldn’t but i’m okay on the couch.” ellie insisted.

“els please just lay with me.” you said looking up at her as she moved her hand to rest on your cheek again.

“okay sweetheart.” she finally agreed.

you smiled up at her and you took ellie’s hand from your face and guided her into the bathroom connected to your room. she watched as you bent down and opened the sink cabinet and grabbed a toothbrush. you turned around and handed it to her with a smile. you guys brushed your teeth and then went back into your bedroom.

ellie stood here as you moved across the room to your dresser, and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts from your drawer and handed them over to ellie. she told you thank you and you smiled at her. ellie walked into the bathroom to change and you walked back to the dresser. you stripped yourself of your shirt and bra before throwing on a different oversized tee and changing your underwear. you didn’t even realize you were soaked after what happened on the couch.

ellie watched you as she leaned against the bathroom door frame as you untangled the sides of your underwear after you pulled them up.

“you’re perfect”, she thought in head before speaking out loud. “thanks sweetheart.” you turned around when ellie spoke, sending her a smile before you moved to your side of the bed, you grabbed the duvet and moved it so you both were able to get in your bed.

you and ellie laid facing each other in a comfortable silence as you were both growing incredibly tired. you felt your eyes starting to get heavy and felt ellie’s hand brush your hair back from your face so you kept your eyes open to look at her.

“el?” you whispered.

“yes sweetheart?” she spoke quietly back to you.

“i really like you… i don’t know if this is too early but it just feels right.”

“i feel it too sweetheart, i like you too so don’t worry,” ellie said softly, hand still holding your face, “now get some sleep, we’ll talk more in the morning pretty girl.”

“goodnight els.” you whispered.

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dariwrites03 · 6 months ago

Text

Fucked up Monday. 2/3

Part 1: https://www.tumblr.com/daribertduck/748615753776955392/fucked-up-monday

A/n: Before you guys kill me; I’m already writing part 3. don’t you worry it’s coming your way. Please comment & repost, it’s giving me much motivation!

Summary: After Ellie kissed you on Patrol, everything was turning weird, you’re full of guilt and other feelings... What happens when your life turns from agonizing to better to so much worse? And why exactly can a few letters change everything?

Warnings: none? I think?

Taglist: @bready101 @lia-winther @liciapeonia @darkerstarsstuff @patricks-fabulous-face ( I tagged some people from my comments, hope that’s alright)

-5700k words

„And I thought I was weird for feeling uncomfortable at that, you know? They broke up, it's not really his place to say anything like that especially after telling Dina he's over her anyways" You're best friend said, finishing up her explanation of yesterdays event with Dina and Jesse. He found the two of them smoking near a warehouse and from what you made out of Ellie's explanation, he wasn't too happy to see them sitting so close.

You and Ellie were having another movie night, those happen pretty often. ( Every Wednesday, to be exact.) sitting on the old sofa in your living room with you're legs resting on hers. „Well, it's still fresh. Don't think he's jealous of the two of you spending lots of time together but maybe it's just a weird feeling seeing her with someone else, though there's absolutely nothing between you and Dina" you replied, chuckling at the thought of Jesse being all jealous over nothing. You rested your head back against the many sofa pillows, enjoying the comfy half sitting half laying position you're in. „Yeah.. totally" Ellie mumbled, looking down at her hands resting on top of you ankles, shifting uncomfortably. Knowing Ellie probably better than anyone else, you knew right away that something seems off.

„Wait.." you said, sensing the weird vibe from you're best friend. „There is nothing between you two, right?" you said, lifting you're upper body into a more sitting posture. „Ellie?" you said her name as you're so called friend didn't answer right away. You felt you're heart stink, not really being sure of what's going on exactly. „uhm.. I don't wanna talk about it?" she said, looking at you with an apologetic look, making it sound more like a question than an real steady answer. „Hell no, remember our ‚no lying rule'?" you said. „Cmon we made that rule as we were 15, that's childish." she said while caressing through her hair, suddenly looking all exhausted. „It wasn't childish when I had my first kiss and didn't want to talk about it" You mentioned. Remembering the night you ran about 2 miles to Ellie's house after spending the afternoon with some other kids in the pub, playing some stupid games. After you kissed Sophia as you're truth or dare quest you took of running, straight into the arms of the brown haired girl who couldn't participate that nights event due to a cold. Ellie knew something must've happened and as you really didn't want to talk about it, embarrassed by the fact that everyone could probably tell you never kissed anyone ever before, Ellie set up a rule. *„Let's promise to always be honest, life is too fucked up to screw it up with lies"* you knew she was right and since that night you tried to always be honest to each other.

„Cmon that's totally different!" Ellie defended herself, crossing her arms above her chest. „Jesus, Williams, answer the fucking question and stop being difficult" you said with a light voice, feeling like Ellie was some deer that takes of running as soon as you're tone was slightly off. „I mean, there is nothing between me and Dina.. so" she explained and you could tell that She was satisfied with her answer since her shoulders became less tense. „But you wish there was?" you asked, not able to look at Ellie you decided to give you're hands something to do, grabbing the soda can you had standing infront of you at the table. „I.. yeah, I guess? Okay. Who am I kidding" she said, her hands running over her face. She revealed a slight laugh. „Oh god" she groaned, now fully blushing like a 13 year old teenager. „Yeah, yeah I do like her. Fuck, this is the first time admitting it out loud" she said.

You took a sip from you're soda, the carbonic acid being long gone since you opened the can almost 2 hours ago, giving you a second or two to continue to stay silent. Having the opportunity to ignore the trouble of you're mind right now

The Jealousy building up inside of you made you think like you're going all crazy, fighting against the urge to scream inside a pillow you took that energy elsewhere. „okay, good for you" you said, taking another sip from the drink, hoping to put out the fire building up in you're chest. Ellie looked at you saying „it's not weird, right? Falling for her?" you looked at her again, considering of telling her what you really think. You consider of telling her that's it's not weird, but you don't like it either. No , you hate it. You hate it so much because you want Ellie to fall for you instead of her.

But you didn't say that. Instead you betrayed your 15 year old self by lying to Ellie and yourself.

It's been three months, 4 days and 2,5 Hours without a word from her.

Ever since then , You are entangled in the delicate web of grief for what felt like for two people, where the threads of loss and longing weave intricate patterns within your heart. Two souls, distinct yet equally significant, find their place in the chambers of your being.

Dylan, now resting six feet under, has embarked on a journey beyond the veil. His earthly vessel lies cradled by the soil, while his essence pirouettes among the constellations. The wasteland of the unknown stretches before him—And then there's your best friend, a constellation of memories and shared secrets. But her presence has become elusive, slipping through your fingers like sand. She chooses silence—a withdrawal that echoes louder than any spoken words. And you tried. Oh, how you tried to get her to speak—the silent symphony of longing, the unspoken words that hung in the air like dew-kissed spider silk. Your gaze, a language of its own, whispered secrets that transcended mere sentences. But she? She met your offerings with silence—a void that echoed louder than any spoken syllable. She stopped coming over. The threshold of your space became a chasm, a bridge severed by unspoken truths. The door, once a portal to laughter and whispered confidences, now stood closed. The only ever time you got to see her, to give yourself the inner peace of her being okay, was on the weekly parol meetings. She attended, her presence a fragile thread connecting you both. But she mastered the art of departure—slipping away before your eyes could catch hers. The opposite direction became her refuge, a path untrodden by your footsteps.

Talking wasn't what Ellie needed. You sensed it, that unspoken ache in the air—the need for silence, for space. So you stepped back, honoring the boundaries she drew around her heart. But your longing couldnt be unoticed by you any longer so after three weeks, you started writing to her. Youre desperation spilled over, ink bleeding onto paper. You became a clandestine messenger, slipping perfumed notes into the small slit of her mailbox. Each letter carried a piece of your soul—a plea, a confession, a desperate whisper. It lingered on your fingertips, a bridge between worlds. And as you pressed those letters into the darkness, you imagined her fingers brushing against them. Would she feel the urgency? Would she hear your silent screams for her friendship? Handwritten letters—those delicate vessels of ink and paper—weave memories that transcend mere words. Each stroke of the pen, each carefully crafted sentence, carries a piece of the you in them. The intimacy lies not only in the content but also in the act of creation itself. You decided to write her if shes unable to talk, you wanted to give her the space she needed, you tried to be as understanding as you could. But one unanswered letter turned into two, three, four. You stopped putting them into her mailbox after five.

Now, you're trying to ignore the pain in your heart every time you wake up. Ellie's childish behavior hasn't stopped you from living your life. Instead, you channel your anger and sleepless nights into your work, making each patrol count. Working alongside Jesse has become a bright spot—a fun experience you eagerly anticipate. It's not the same as those moments outside the gates with Ellie, but it's different in a way that doesn't breed resentment.

You and Jesse share a closeness that predates his separation from Dina. The heartbreak they both faced has left its mark, and you find solace in each other's company. Jesse isn't thrilled about the situation either—the breakup and lingering jealousy still gnaw at him. On that second day of patrol together, he broaches the awkward topic between you and Ellie. "So, you gonna tell me what happened or not?" Jesse's voice cut through the quiet of the abandoned checkpoint. He pulled a sandwich from his backpack, the crinkling of the wrapper echoing in the dim light. The two of you sat there, weary from the day's patrol, the weight of your assigned route still clinging to your bones. Nightfall had descended too swiftly, and the dangers of this post-apocalyptic world made it impossible to venture home safely after dark. You shifted uncomfortably on the hard ground, the rough edges of the old checkpoint digging into your back. The makeshift campsite was a stark reminder of the life you now led—constantly on the move, always vigilant. Jesse's eyes bore into yours, waiting for an answer.

"Don't really know what's there to say, to be honest," you replied, your fingers tracing the edges of the food you'd prepared hours ago. The silence now haning between the two of you wasnt uncomftable,punctuated by the distant howl of a lone infected. "Maybe explain why we're now patrol partners? I thought you and Ellie made such a good team. Not that I'm complaining, though—we're badass too. Just wondering why you suddenly decided that Ellie wasn't good enough anymore," Jesse's voice cut through the dimly lit space of the makeshift camp. He lay down on the sleeping bag, using his right arm as a makeshift pillow, his gaze fixed on you. The flicker of confusion danced through the forest of your mind as you replayed Jesse's last words.

"What? I didn't decide that," you replied, studying your friend's posture as he took a bite of his cheese sandwich. "I asked Dina what happened earlier today." Jesse mumbled, his mouth still half full. "Ellie told her it was you who decided to change partners. Don't get me wrong—I feel honored to be your new partner in crime. I was just curious about what happened." - ''the fuck?'' You said more to yourself than him. ''Thats so fucked up..'' -"Okay, c'mon, I need the drama. Please explain to me like everything. Consider me one of your gossip girls," Jesse quipped, his unseriousness bringing a smile to your face. You took another bite of your food, savoring the dry bread as you gathered your thoughts. Trusting Jesse, you decided it wasn't a bad idea to share what had transpired between you and Ellie. So, with a deep breath, you began recounting the events of your last patrol with her. Jesse leans in, eyes wide with curiosity. His sandwich forgotten, he hangs on every word as you recount the events of that fateful patrol with Ellie. The tension, the unspoken words, the ache in your chest—it all spills out, painting a vivid picture of the fractured bond between you and the girl who once felt like your world.

"Damn," Jesse mutters, running a hand through his hair. "That's heavy stuff." His gaze lingers on your face, searching for answers. "You think she'll come around?'' You shrug, the weight of uncertainty settling on your shoulders. ''Dont think so, I think she regrets even kissing me. She has dina now, dont think that she'll need me anymore.'' Your gaze drifts down to your wrist, where the matching bracelet still clings—a fragile thread connecting you to Ellie. You wonder if she wears hers. Jesse, now leading forward, nudges your shoulder playfully. "Well, partner," he says, "we'll keep kicking ass out here. Fuck them both".

After that night, you felt like Jesse and you were attached at the hip. Somehow, you both helped each other navigate the jagged terrain of heartbreak, spending time together and letting the hours slip away. Being friends with Jesse had its perks. He acted as a bridge to Ellie, still maintaining a sort of friendship with Dina, getting slim updates from her. Through Jesse, you received updates about Ellie—whether she was safe, whether she'd eaten enough.

But it wasn't the same. Those impersonal updates couldn't replace the warmth of setting eyes on Ellie, hearing her voice—the cadence of her laughter, the way she'd say your name. You missed the little things, the mundane details that had once woven your lives together. But over the time you started to accept the turn of events, knowing you cannot force Friendship on somebody.

You started to distract yourself outside of work, whether it was with Jesse or... Sophia. After that encounter where Maria broke the news to you about Ellie changing everything, you did the only thing you knew you were really good at: You ran off.

Weirdly enough, two weeks after that pivotal moment and your patrols with Jesse as your new partner, a knock on your door interrupted your vegetable-cutting session in the small kitchen. As you walked toward the door, a million possibilities raced through your mind. Was it Ellie, knocking on the wood on a late rainy afternoon? Or perhaps Jesse, wanting to talk? Dina? Or maybe Joel, coming all the way to the comfort of your four walls to deliver news about his beloved Ellie being hurt.

Secretly, you wished it was Ellie. So you ran a hand through your hair, glancing into the small mirror hanging near the door to check yourself out before opening the squeaky wood. But on the other side stood Sophia, holding a plate covered in aluminum foil. "Uhm... hey," she said, her cheeks flushed with red. "I've made some cake—way too much to eat all by myself. I wanted to share it. If, um, you want to, of course. It's chocolate cake." Her words tumbled out in a rush, and you sensed her nervousness. A Small smile spread across your face as you stepped aside, making space for her to enter the house. "That's too kind," you replied. "You've got impeccable timing. I just finished dinner—perfect time for dessert. Come inside." You didn't mention the comforting fact that her house was all the way across town, meaning she'd walked quite a distance just to bring you cake. Nor did you acknowledge that it was common knowledge that Sophia is allergic to Chocolate but it was your favorite.

One hour with Sophia turned into two, and before you knew it, the entire afternoon was filled with your laughter. She ended up staying over, making your house feel less empty. Since Dylan's passing, sleep had eluded you. Without Ellie by your side, it felt impossible to quiet your mind. Sophia changed that somewhat, but it didn't feel the same. Perhaps your own mind betrayed you, clouding your thoughts about her presence. You didn't want her to leave, yet you didn't necessarily want her to stay either. The universe seemed to decide for you, as the strawberry-blonde girl drifted off to sleep on your sofa after what felt like an eternity of talking.

You settled into your gray armchair, gently covering her thin body with your favorite blanket—the same one Ellie used to take whenever she stayed over. The entire night, you found yourself comparing Sophia to Ellie—the way she moved, the cadence of her voice, the sparkle in her eyes when she spoke about her interests. It wasn't a good thing, you must admit. Sophia is a nice girl, but you never really considered her a potential friend, especially since you both shared your first kisses with each other. After that, things got weird, and you both grew up, walking different paths.

Yet now, here she was—baking you cakes, making you laugh, and filling the void left by Ellie. The universe had a funny way of intertwining lives, even when hearts were tangled in memories and unanswered letters. Having someone else in Ellie's place is like trying to fit a puzzle piece into a space that was uniquely shaped for her. It's both comforting and disorienting—a blend of familiarity and foreignness. Her presence brings warmth, but it's a different kind—the soft glow of candlelight instead of the blazing fire that Ellie ignited.Sophia's touch is gentle, her fingers tracing patterns on your skin. But it lacks the electric charge—the pulse of longing—that Ellie's touch carried. You wonder if Sophia noticed the way you hesitated, the way your heart stumbles when she leans in too close.

The day with Sophia didnt end there, it stretched into a comfortable rhythm, covering the next two days of your life —a dance of shared meals, laughter, and quiet moments. Her presence filled the spaces that Ellie had once occupied, and you found yourself not minding it at all. The awkwardness of those initial conversations melted away as you both peeled back layers, revealing stories and dreams that wove your lives together.

But life has a way of interrupting even the most harmonious melodies. Jesse, with his uninvited pizza and the entire Twilight saga in tow, barged into your living room. You tried to politely decline the teen romance marathon—you'd seen it one too many times—but Jesse, being Jesse, brushed off your protests. His eyes widened when he saw Sophia sitting there, a teasing grin tugging at his lips. You knew he'd milk this moment, teasing you about having a cute girl over at your house.

After Jesse left, well, pratically run out, you settled back onto the sofa next to Sophia. "That was... Jesse, right?" she asked, her fingers playing with her curly hair. You leaned against the soft material of the sofa, nodding. "Uhm, yup." Sophia's gaze lingered on you, and you sensed her curiosity. "You two do spend a lot of time together—even after patrols," she observed."Oh? You noticed that? Stalking me, huh?" you teased, making Sophia blush. Her cheeks turned a delightful shade of pink. "Well," she replied, her voice soft, "you just always catch my eye." And then, without warning, her body shifted closer. Her hands found their place on either side of your waist, and her lips met yours—a sweetness that tasted like possibility. You hated yourself for it, truly. Because here was a girl with good intentions, almost on top of you, and your mind couldn't help but wish it was Ellie.

Another two months slip through your fingers, ephemeral as morning mist. Life, once heavy with the ache of Ellie's absence, begins to lift itself up. Sophia becomes a constant presence—a sunbeam that warms the corners of your heart as you allow yourself. Your growing relationship with Sophia blossoms, and you find comfort in her laughter, her touch, and the shared moments that weave your lives together. The unspoken question lingers: Are you allowed to call her your girlfriend? After all, you've shared more than just cake and conversations. Perhaps labels matter less than the way she looks at you, the way her fingers intertwine with yours.

And then there's Jesse—the steadfast friend who bridges the gap between patrols and pizza nights. His teasing about Sophia doesn't go unnoticed, but he's also the one who brings laughter into your home. Everything else remains unchanged—the memories, the unanswered letters, and the quiet longing. Life moves forward, and you find solace in the delicate balance of old and new. Patrol was as good as it could be, once you and Jesse found a way to connect your abilities, it didnt really feel like work anymore.

"Yo, little one," Jesse's voice cut through the quiet of the stables, interrupting your grooming session with Lacy. You turned to meet his gaze, immediately noticing his patrol clothes—fitting perfectly against his frame. "What the hell are you doing? We have the day off, remember?" you asked, your fingers still caressing Lacy's mane.

"Not anymore," Jesse replied, already opening the door to his horse's stable. "Dina apparently has the flu, and they both forgot to sign in at the station outside. Maria asked me to take their route for today and look for anything weird." He led his dark brown horse out of the stable, determination etched on his face.

"Good luck with that," you said, turning back to continue your work. But Jesse wasn't done. "Nuh huh, lover girl. You're joining me," he declared, his tone leaving no room for argument. "Pardon?" You looked at him, confusion knitting your brows. "Don't hit me with Spanish,"- ''Its french'' Jesse chuckled. "well whatever it was,I don't speak it. Come on now, get ready. We don't have all day." He saddled his horse efficiently, his movements practiced. "Why should I? You said yes, not me," you replied stubbornly, even though you gathered all the essentials needed to prepare Lacy. "Well, because I'm your partner in crime? Your work husband? Love of your patrol life?" Jesse grinned, his eyes dancing with mischief. "And because I'll get bored alone. You don't have anything better to do anyway." - ''Rude?! maybe i had things planned?!'' You said, jokingly offended as you grab your stuff ''You can meet sophia and have all of those important 'converstations'' he made weird kissing noises ''later.'' He finished his sentance, making you laugh ''Well first of all I-'' You got interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. You looked into the direction of the noise and saw the last person you wanted to see today. ''Sup, Ellie.'' Jesse said, leaning against the stable door. ''what can I do for you?'' He asked, eyes stuck on ellie. But her gaze lied elsewhere; On you.

You shivered under her gaze, your heart racing. As you looked into Ellie's eyes—the first time in forever—you sensed something there, something you couldn't quite put into words. Her burning gaze finally shifted from you to Jesse, arms crossed at her chest.

"Earlier, when me and Dina were at the station, I lost my journal," Ellie said, her voice close, intimate. "Can you look for it? Kinda really need it back." Her words echoed through the stable, and suddenly, the air felt too thin. Your knees wobbled, memories of Ellie cascading down the memory bridge, crashing into your stomach. You felt like you might throw up. "Sure, we will look for it. Anything else?" Jesse asked, glancing between the two of you. Ellie's eyes traveled back to you, and silent hope bloomed in your chest. Maybe this was the moment—maybe Ellie would finally have the guts to talk to you directly, to say she's sorry. But as her gaze wavered, you felt the familiar pang of disappointment. Once again, Ellie remained silent.You felt a strong hand on your shoulder, silently offering support. Jesse's familiar scent enveloped you. "Thought so," he said, ending the conversation. Ellie nodded and turned away, leaving the two of you alone. The barn was filled with silence until you spoke with a shaky voice. "Okay, let's just go." And so you did—you and Jesse left for patrol. But with every passing second, the memory of that confrontation lingered, and you realized how much you still craved her.

"Jesus, I hate this path," Jesse grumbled, pushing open the old, creaky door to the station. His face turned red from the effort, and you couldn't help but giggle. "Stop crying like a baby. Let's sign in and leave," you said, walking toward the desk on the opposite side of the room. As you approached, you noticed that a pen was missing. Without it, you obviously couldn't sign in.

"Jesse, there's no pen," you called out, looking at your friend. "Really? Look under the table or something. We'll find one," he replied. You followed his suggestion, getting down on your knees. Spiderwebs greeted you, along with the encroaching dusk. You pulled out your flashlight, shining it underneath the table for a better look. And there it was—an old, leather-covered book. You'd recognize that book spine anywhere, even in the grandest libraries.

You picked it up, wiping away the dust that clung to its material. The thickness of the journal reminded you of what you were holding—a door to Ellie Williams' secrets and mindful thoughts. "Found one!" Jesse's voice snapped you out of your reverie. You turned around, hiding the journal behind your back. Jesse joined you, writing your names on the slim paper of the checklist. ‘Partner in crimes ( Jesse and y/n)’

"Did you find anything? The book, I mean. It's not somewhere I looked," Jesse asked. You shook your head, slipping the journal into your bag without it being noticed. "Nope, didn't find it either."

''Every poem I ever wrote was about her. That smile of hers, those golden eyes—whenever she's too close to the sun, it's impossible for me to stay away. The day I left, my heart shattered into a million pieces. In my head, inside my perfect self-made world, she never left me. All my thoughts revolve around her—the memories etched into my mind. Her touch, so soft—I never wanted to let go. The scent of her clothes, stealing my breath away. The nights we spent dreaming together, the minutes I never want to regret. I never dared to imagine a lifetime without her. Yet here I am, writing these words with a hole in my chest. I'm bleeding out, the wind kissing my mind, refreshing memories of letting go. The silence surrounds me, a reminder to hold on.

I search the past for redemption, but it eludes me. The only thing left of me are broken pieces of her.”

The words were carefully etched onto the paper, making it hard for you to breathe. You hadn't intended to overstep her privacy—why had you taken that journal in the first place? You dont know. But here you were, sitting with the book in hand, the only light in the living room emanating from the countless candles you'd lit.

The journal looked thicker than usual, and that's what caught your attention first. You knew that book well, even though you'd never seen what she put inside—except for her drawings of animals, Joel, Dina, and you. She'd never shown anyone what she wrote between the pages.

The reason you'd decided to open the book, against all your inner morals, was the fact that as you carefully pulled it out of your bag—treating it like fragile glass—multiple letters fell out. You noticed them right away. They were yours—carefully written letters she'd never dared to answer. The envelopes ripped open showed you she defenetly read them all. You dont know how to feel about that yet. Relieved that she cared enough to read them? Happy becasue she carried your letters with her, doesnt matter where shed go? Or mad, because she never replied? You know nothing. The only thing you're able to do now is bury yourself in the book, reading what Ellie never dared to say out loud.

''Ive been having a hard time adjusting, I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting. I didn't know if you'd care if I came back, I have a lot of regrets about that. Pulled the car off the road to the lookout, Could've followed my fears all the way down. And maybe I don't quite know what to say but I'm here in your doorway. I just wanted you to know that this is me trying''

The words cut deeper than a knife,

before you knew it, your eyes traveled to the next phrases, crossed out, you could barely read them:

"It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you.

Seeing you with Sophie burns me from inside out.

Why are you with her?

I know I don't own you, perhaps I never will,

so the anger inside of me when I see you with her

is something I'm not allowed to feel.

What I feel, I shouldn't show you.

So when you're around, I don't.

I let you walk away with her.

I know I don't have the right to feel it,

but it doesn't mean I don't."

The rest of the book was empty, besides some skteches of eyes that look dangerously like yours. You swallowed hard, not really sure of what you should feel. You re-read the sentences out loud, letting the bittersweet aftertaste of them making you feel alive. Your heart has been Ellies since the first time you both laughed together; yet you were so sure of the fact that she would never feel the same. Considering the words in the journal, maybe it wasnt one sided after all. Youre confused, being with Sophia was easy, comftable. But with ellie, it was different. better. You miss the butterflies in your stomach, miss her touch and her closeness. The rollercoster was everything you ever had, after all.

Two days of full selfishness carried its weight, and you continued to keep the journal. The guilt crept in, stealthy as shadows, finding you at night, when the world slept and your thoughts roamed free. Those written pages from Ellie, inked with longing and crossed-out confessions, haunted your mind. You tried your best to hide the pain, a fragile masquerade. Distancing yourself from Sophia and Jesse, you walked the tightrope of deception. It wasn't deliberate; it was survival. The what-could've-been danced like a ghost, whispering secrets in your ear. You wondered if Ellie's heart echoed the same unspoken words.

Sophia, her presence a comforting harbor, yet her touch felt like borrowed warmth. And Jesse, his eyes— The guilt gnawed at you, a relentless hunger. You held Sophia too close, fearing Ellie's phantom gaze. You looked into Jesse's eyes, and the lie about keeping the Journal tasted bitter on your tongue. Ellie, elusive as a wisp of smoke. The barn encounter—the air thick with unspoken truths—left you breathless. You havent seen her since. You called in sick for the patrol meeting, a desperate escape from the inevitable. The fear of facing her again, of unraveling the fragile equilibrium, gripped your heart.

In the quiet of your room, the journal lay open. The crossed-out phrases, the sketches of eyes—they were your silent companions.

——————————————————-

"Okay, Miss being all sad and distant, I'm not having this anymore. Tell me what's going on right now or I'm killing you," Jesse declared, pressing past you as you opened the door. His urgency hung in the air, a storm brewing behind his eyes.

"Jesus, very aggressive today, aren't we?" you quipped, trailing after your friend into the living room. The door closed behind you, sealing you both in a cocoon of tension. You sank into the couch, and Jesse settled next to you, his gaze drilling holes into your soul."Therapy session. Now. What's going on?" His hands clasped together, a makeshift gavel. The room felt smaller, suffocating. You glanced at the coffee table, considering the whiskey bottle, but thought better of it. "Nothing? Do you want to drink anything... or?" Your voice played innocent, a fragile mask. Jesse wasn't fooled. "The jury says stop trying to change the subject." His tone held a mix of exasperation and concern."The jury...?" You grinned, despite the weight in your chest. "Yeah, me." Jesse's eyes softened, and you chuckled. "It's nothing, really.“

"You're completely distant," he said, his voice calm. "Even Sophia asked me if I have any idea what's going on." The truth hung between you like a fragile thread, ready to snap.

"I don't know... it's, urgh, weird." You fidgeted with the edge of a cushion. Jesse leaned closer, his breath warm against your cheek. "Tell me!" His insistence bordered on desperation

"Okay, but promise me not to hate me?" You gave him a side-eye, afraid of meeting his gaze head-on. "Could never hate you," he replied, and the words carried weight. So you spilled it—the secret you'd harbored, the journal you'd found.

Ellie's words, inked and crossed out, danced in your memory. You didn't reveal the exact phrasing, but you shared the confusion—the way her emotions bled through the pages. Jesse listened, his eyes wide, and you wondered if he saw the echoes of your own heartache.

In that quiet room, the truth hung heavy. You'd kept Ellie's words hidden, but now they spilled forth. Jesse's hand found yours, and you clung to it, hoping for absolution. "It's Ellie," you whispered. "It's always been Ellie." His silence spoke volumes, eyes carrying the weight of unspoken understanding. He'd always sensed your feelings for Ellie, perhaps even before you did. It wasn't a secret to anyone but her—the way your heart gravitated toward her, like a moth drawn to a flame. “You guys need to talk.” Jesse said.

"I can't," you whispered, the words fragile on your tongue. The weight of unspoken truths pressed against your chest, threatening to spill forth."And why the fuck not? What do you have to lose?" Jesse's voice held a mix of frustration and concern. He saw through your defenses, stripped away the layers you'd carefully woven. Ellie—the enigma, the ache—loomed between you like a shadow."Afraid of losing her? I think you already archived that." His bluntness cut through your heart. You knew it too well—the missed chances, the crossed-out phrases, the silence that echoed louder than words. Jesse could see the pain in you and the bluntless paired with that slight tinge of what appeared to be anger slowly disappeared into thin air, much like the smoke of a lit cigarette blown into the night sky.

"Look" he begins, sighing while he considers the phrasing of this. He means no harm, but being too gentle could erase the importance of the situation "I want to help you, but you cannot hide yourself away. If you truly want this girl, you need to be able to put in the effort. Dina and Ellie arent dating either, dina told me herself that the two of them thought there was something but ended up with nothing. Be honest with yourself, but also with everyone else" You exhale deeply, relief floods your system despite the heavy heart still pounding against your chest.

Jesse is the kind of friend you can never let go. He's just that important.

Between the soft tunes of comfortingly familiar songs and a few shed tears, the two of you scheme together... Creating a, hopefully, foolproof plan on how to finally approach the elephant in the room. Ellie and you; it wasn't over, was it?

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