#also if you dont know anything about college hockey in the US

[myowndesertplaces]

Finding out that the only man to be in both the NCAA hockey and football hall of fames was probably queer has been the highlight of my 2024 pride month.

Look at this cute Twunk:

Hobey Baker, you fucking legend, sir.

[raverinalavara]

Idrk where this came from.. it was just a thought and then three hours later.. here it is i guess. Snape in my head in this is Adam Driver. So yeah. Hope you like it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your ears were ringing, not for the first time you were thankful to always have your own locker room. Being the only woman on a college hockey team came with a list of problems, so you were happy to have one less. The guys would just come pound on the door and be obnoxious as shit to let you know they were ready. Normally you would roll your eyes and laugh while joining them, today Pansy was pushing past Daph and Hermione to get to the door. 

Theodore being the tallest without skates on could easily see you quickly trying to braid your hair, only to start crying again as Hermione took over quickly. War was raging in him as he elbowed Mattheo who then felt the same way. They both wanted into the locker room. Both angry at whoever or whatever it is that has made you cry, but both also want to wipe your tears and comfort you. 

Pansy pulled the door shut and sighed, “Just.. I dont know.. I cant really tell you. But just take it easy on her, if shes struggling dont be dicks about it.. I dont know. This is kinda fucked.” Just as Draco went to ask what was wrong, the door flew open and you walked out gear ready besides your helmet needing clipped and you were chewing on your mouthpiece in anger. Your cheeks and eyes were red but you no longer looked sad. In the two minutes between the door opening and closing you had switched into anger. 

Anger the guys could work with. If you were mad, they could channel mad. Coach Sev could tell when your skates first hit the ice that it would be a rough game. It always amazed him how the mood of one player could set the mood for an entire team. True hockey fans could tell by the way someone skated where their mental state was. The way the team's blades sliced through the ice gave their fans goosebumps. Warm ups started as the other team hit the ice as well. Mattheo watched as your eyes followed their players, in one way he wasn't surprised. Your boyfriend was on the other team, went to a different college. What did surprise him was the way you watched for him. With a cold calculation in your eyes as you spun your stick in your hands, still chewing on your mouth guard. He needed to make sure you actually kept it in your mouth during the game. 

He was shocked, because this guy had been a rough patch in your friendship. Mattheo and Theodore hated the guy, the way he put you down but in a subtle way that you never seemed to catch. Saying how you were a good hockey player.. For a girl.. Theo was quieter in his annoyance, where Matt was not. Quiet was not a verb used to describe him.. Ever. It had caused dirty looks and small arguments, but he would never let anything come in between you. Even if it meant biting his cheek until it bled, or simply not being around when you were with him. 

As Captain he stood back watching everyone warm up, doing his own rounds while everyone stretches. Theo, his boyfriend and co captain glided up next to him looking towards you as well. They both silently watched as you and your boyfriend, Jacob, skated up to each other. They couldn't hear what was said but they could see his face. A smug smile, the kind you would give your girl right before you tell her how your teams gonna beat hers. It stayed for a few seconds, then it faltered, then it fell. “God I wish I knew what she said.” Mattheo said watching you skate backwards into line for warm ups. 

Your anger hadnt lessened at all when your eyes found Jake. Pansy had crashed in just as you were finishing up your laces, anger clear on her face before it fell into sadness. Without saying anything she shoved her phone into your hand. Your ears started ringing after the second video. The first one was Jake making out with some girl, the second was him telling his teammates how you were as shitty in bed as you were on the ice. That he was ready to be done because he wasn't getting any game changing secrets out of you anyways. 

There were a few more after that.. And pictures.. So many fucking pictures. Your heart broke so fast and so hard. The guys had been worried about this, how many times had Draco told you how stupid you were. Theo and Mattheo telling you that they just don't see why he would all of a sudden be interested in you just because of hockey. They swore you had a million better reasons to be interesting and he wasn't interested in any of them. Matt had told you that he talked shit about you, that he was constantly degrading. Blaise tried to be supportive, he wasn't rude to your face. But you knew he agreed. Enzo was the only one of your little group that told you he just wanted you to be happy. 

Just as quickly though you got mad. Mad didnt even cover it really, your skin was crawling. You thought people saying their blood was boiling was just an expression, but you could feel it. You wanted to claw at yourself to release some of this pressure. You were sweating and you knew if Hermione redid your braid one more time that you would snap at her and that wasn't fair. The chilly air hit your lungs and you drew in every bit you could. This was your happy place, where you had thrived since childhood. Sure your mom wishes you would have done figure skating, but your dad was thrilled. He never missed an opportunity to tell people about his daughter who plays hockey. 

For Jacob to insult your skills on the ice in any way was a joke. There was never a year from mites all the way to now in college where his stats were better than yours. He was just jealous, and now he would see the real hockey player in you. When his eyes connected with yours from his tunnel he smiled at you in a way that twenty minutes ago probably would have made you melt. Now all you see is condescension. It took everything for you to not just blurt it out. You let him flirt for a minute, tell you how he would make you feel better when you lost.

 Gag. 

You could feel the guys eyes on you, you knew it was time to get back. So you leaned in with a smile on your face like you were going in for a quick kiss. Just before his lips could touch yours you pulled back just a little. “Something crazy to think about.. Babe… By the end of this game.. the whole team will know you cheated on me… not only my team.. which is bad enough.” You chuckled as you pulled back enough to see his pale cheeks. “But imagine, Harry.. Ron.. Fred.. George.. Oliver.. They all love me too..” Somehow it was like Neville the sound man just knew what to play, because as soon as you pushed off to skate back to your team ‘...Ready for it. By Taylor Swift’ came on and you smiled meanly. “Good Luck.” 

You ignored your two best friends as you lined up, you ignored them again when you were waiting your turn and sent a hard puck right into the back of your soon to be exs knee. Snape hollered your name from the bench and gave you that look you hated. The guy wasnt even 10 years older than you, but he carried the authority and knowledge of an old man so whatever. Then it was time to line up, one of the guys had been hurt so you ended up in a defensemen position instead of forward where you normally were. Being one of the faster skaters and having great stick handling skills showed that was your niche. But you were tall for a girl. Standing at 5`11 without skates with a broad build that was strong but still soft in areas like the thighs so you were an ok fill in. 

Mattheo was the other first string defensemen, Draco was center, Theo and Enzo on either wing. Jacob was a first string forward, it couldn't have worked out better. You'd have to get Goyle some candy when he felt better. You were surprised at how well you were playing and keeping track of where your real target was. Mattheo kept trying to set up to be the one who would have to go after him, but you kept getting in his way. 

Everyone besides the girls gasped in surprise and shock when Jacob started to skate down the ice with the puck only to be roughly checked into the glass by you. Regulus, your kinda uncle, who was a few years older than you, was one of the refs. He came over to escort you to the penalty box when you whispered a quick low down on what he had done. Reggie nodded then winked when he closed the door to the penalty box. Just a moment later, Reggies friend Barty, the other ref knocked on the glass and winked. 

They both knew you were getting ejected from the game. That you were coming out of the box swinging. You had started to calm down just a tad bit. The cold air and the physical exertion are starting to help. That is until you hear a high pitched voice scream Jacob's name. When you turn your eyes lock with one of the girls from the videos. The girl from last night at his house party. The one you didn't go to for obvious reasons. When she did her little finger wave and smirked everything went fuzzy.

 The outsides of your vision was blurry as your eyes watched the clock and the ice. You just prayed Jacob was out when your time was up. Your ears were ringing as Jacob was called off the bench, 3 seconds left. The attendant, an older gentleman who worked with the athletics department chuckled as he prepped to open the door. He had seen this many times, sure never from this perspective, but he had daughters and he knew how they would react.

“Go get him a tiger.” 

You didn't even know where the puck was when your blade cut through the first slice of ice. You knew Mattheo was on the bench and Theodore was on the other side of the ice. Maybe ten strong strides across the arena. 6 before you dropped your stick. 3 before your gloves are off. 1 before your fist connected with his jaw. As you grabbed his jersey and used what every bit of strength you had to slam him back into the glass. In his shock he didn't realize that he was falling and you were swinging again.  

In another moment of perfect coincidence, you're right in front of your family's seats. Theodore Sr, Lucius, and your father are all standing up and cheering while banging their fists on the glass. Your mother has her mouth covered with her hands while Bellatrix and Cissy stand on their seats leaning to hold onto shoulders and watch. You hear someone come up behind you, you know its not a ref but they never even get the chance to grab at you. Theos flies past you and slams someone from the other team into the ice. 

Now you can hear Snape screaming curse words at you all as the bench clears. Reggie and Barty are both standing off to the side, eyes wide in pretend shock as they pretend to decide who's going where. Your mind momentarily slips away from beating Jacobs face in, but it snaps back into perfect clarity when his glove connects with the bottom of your jaw. You lose your grip in shock, which in some way is stupid. When you fall backwards and your helmet connects with the ice, the stadium falls silent. This had been the moment the entire college hockey league had been waiting for. How would it be handled, because while you were a woman, you had joined the team, and started the fight. 

In the silence, from the other team's bench, you hear Coach Black's voice. “KICK HIS ASS L/N!” More gasps followed as Neville changed the big screens to a video of Jacob saying you were a shitty player. Jacob tried to scramble up as half of his own teams heads snapped to him. Needless he knew now that he wasnt leaving the ice without getting his ass beat at least once more. Looking up towards the reporters box you could see Ginny and Neville leaning out and cheering for you. 

Alot of people were going to be getting in trouble after this game, but it didnt seem like anyone cared. It was a perfect moment of unity and unsportsmanlike conduct as people took their turns with Jacob before Regulus and Barty decided they would lose their jobs if they let it go any longer. While both teams skated off the guys all cheered for you and gave you pats on your back. Theo and Matt walked you to your locker room, you could tell they both wanted to say something. 

Matt looked like he was constipated, the look he only got when he was trying to figure out how to talk about his feelings. He wanted to tell you to stop looking for someone who would love you more than him and Theo did. That there would never be two people who cared more, or knew you better than they did. That they knew it was unconventional and that people would talk, but they wanted to be with you. They couldn't go without you anymore. 

Just as you whisper his name his brain short circuits and when it starts working again his lips are already on yours. His hands holding your cheeks as he memorizes how your lips feel just in case he never gets to do this again. When he pulls back he almost doesn't want to open his eyes, scared of what he will see. But all he sees is awe and confusion as you look from him to your other best friend.. His boyfriend.. Who you now think he just cheated on, right in front of.. 

Shit.

[freebooter4ever]

how's the job hunt going? would you ever relocate for a job love?

Oh wow what a question lol! Honestly i dont expect to be able to find anything new till this strike is over, the competition is insane right now. In the meantime my plan is to teach myself faster hard surface sculpting in z*brush using hockey gear \o/ mostly because i dont want to pay the $150 a month for maya, that shits insane. Like a fucking health insurance payment.

For the second question - i dont think i've ever experienced love like that. I think it would take a lot of devotion and sacrifice to give up your dreams for someone else. Admirable, for sure. And also a sacrifice that historically women are the ones expected to make. Every time. :( For a job? Lol, i would move in a heartbeat. I stayed in pittsburgh 6 years after college for my dream job - i only left when i lost it. Knew the next dream job wasnt going to be there, so made my way to LA. And now im having to come to terms with the idea that the dream job doesnt exist as i imagined it - or only exists for a very VERY select few.

And actually, thats not totally true about me and love. I think if i thought for one second that nick could love me back like i diid him, id already be in new england. When i applied to this one job, that sounded like a dream come true it listed the salary, and brian and i just read it and gaped. We looked at each other and i was like i dont even know what the fuck i would DO with all that. And of course the first thing that popped into my mind was i could buy that sailboat nick always talked about. When i was writing my programming textbook a decade ago, and really going through it, and nick and i were up until 3 or 4am every night painting theater sets, he'd talk about his sailing adventures, teach me rope knots, that sort of thing, basically a mental escape. And so last week i texted him like 'hey no promises but what if im suddenly actually making good money. Do you still want that boat?' Because, nick's worked so long and so hard and all he's gotten to is the point of still working on boats other people own, and its just not fair how devalued physical labor is, you know? And his immediate reaction was to launch into our very old daydream - the whole 'yes and you're coming with me, sail off into the sunset' stuff. And that hadnt occured to me - my idea was just- id give him the boat, and he'd fix it up, and id maybe demand photos or a visit or two every so often. Because i think finally -finally- im at a point in my life where being in love isnt enough - i want the other person to love me back. And lol definitely not someone who declares love one minute and then stops talking to me for weeks or months, and the cycle repeats over and over. I think its possible to love someone enough that you recognize you arent the one for them, but still want them to be happy? Happier than you could make them.

So long answer is yes, i would relocate for love, but i have learned the hard way to know when i shouldn't.

[starscelly]

i’m the question asking anon from earlier and istg literally every time you share something about this au i just become more invested! i will read anything you post about them why do these boys have my heart

robo’s rebellion moment made me chuckle, it’s also so sweet that his mom helped familiarize him with the guitar!

i still don’t know what questions to ask so ig this is like another ‘ today i want to talk about [ insert thing here]’ (heck, it can be another 5 of those, however many you need/want)

i guess a question is how did roope find robo and otter? what made them realize that they fit/work together in that way?

the boys also have my heart and every single inch of space in my brain so i get it !!!! thank u again for ur like. investment and giving me space to blab abt them fudfkskldsfl i appreciate it sm <3 <3

i had to marinate and think a Lot on how robo, jake, and roope all meet bc obviously coming from 3 different places there has to be an element of chance but also. i dont wanna go completely batshit lmao. here's an Attempt at explaining my thoughts!!:

otter still goes to college but instead of bu. bc he's not pursuing hockey. he ends up going to ut austin (its a good communications school and he actually has a communications degree like. real life)

he doesnt rlly Love school but he’s figuring out what he wants in life and his parents wanted him to go. so.

robo and him meet at some random ass show in texas, where robo only is bc his family drove over in the rv for a Different show

they dont immediately run off together and play music lol but they do keep in contact via text and calls for a few months, rlly Bond and become super close

robo comes through texas with his family again eventually but theyre not performing in austin this time, just dallas. so jake goes out there to see them

they've kind of vaguely been talking abt forming their own band at this point but obviously there's the distance that both of them are kind of. scared to close on a whim for smthn that might not work. and also they want to get someone who can consistently do lead vocals and play bass etc

anyways. they have a couple free days so they go to random house shows and smaller venues around dallas

roope is in the area bc at this time he's playing in the NAHL but heavily considering dropping hockey for music (he Actually played for bismarck and for like 2 games but. for the au ive decided he played longer for the lone star brahmas lol) and is basically just trying to find out what he's heading for, what he Wants

they see roope performing with a band that is like. Not His but just kind of a random assortment of his friends in the scene fucking around having fun (the house show is at one of his friend's places)

and roope is not. a great singer. he's not professionally trained and amazing. but he has a really fucking unique and cool voice (they will later find out this is bc of his accent and aversion to having a clear throat) so theyre like. heavily heavily intrigued bc they think it could make for a sick sound . in their band. what a coincidence!!

robo. looking like the most average dude ever. walks up to him after like hey ... we saw u from across the punk house and rlly dig ur vibe. and otter is kind of mortified but also is like ^^ play music with us please just to see ^^

roope is in an . emotionally difficult time in his life trying to decide if he wants to take a leap and leave all he's ever known his entire life. so obviously he jumps at the first chance and is like. Fuck It let's do it

obviously there's more logistics - roope finishes out his season before fully committing to the band, robo has to have this whole discussion with his family and have this emotional ass move to dallas, otter doesnt drop out completely but does have to explain to his family that his band is going to be his first priority at some point and starts taking only online classes etc - but thats how those three kind of. Meet and Click

theyre also still having bassist woes and thats when roope calls miro etc but. this isnt abt him rn for once

its a weird mix of a lot of Right Place Right Time scenarios, but how else do two americans who have no reason to ever meet end up with two finns who have little reason to be in america in the first place!!

i also think at first there's not really. Issues necessarily. but it takes a while for otter and robo, who are both super friendly open people, to kind of figure out roope's whole thing so they can finally click. which he's not Unfriendly per se but also he's not going out of his way to make conversation. but once they figure out oh he doesnt hate us and he's not even like one of those mean snappy punks he's just. european.. it's all relatively smooth sailing from there lol . it also helps when miro finally arrives and is both much friendlier at face value and also has roope being overly affectionate and up his ass 24/7 (which eventually bleeds over into his interactions with the other two)

[rydeszegras]

hospitals make miracles - r.donovan

hi guys ! this is my first fic and its not good whatsoever but figured id give it a shot haha, hope you enjoy !

wc: 1,623

warnings: minor swearing, mentions of injuries

-

you were a senior at andover high school on a roadie up to your annual trip in duluth. youve been taking this trip since your freshman year as you were one of the first players to ever make varsity as a freshman. that being said, this was your year, this was the year you had to show out. being named captain this season not only did you have to step up and lead the team, but you also had to focus on your game as it was your year to get scouted. you’d been looked at by minnesota-duluth, boston college, and minnesota, but all you wanted was to go to wisconsin, and this was your year to make it happen.

“y/n/n, are you ready to see all the hot duluth boys this weekend? i heard their varsity team plays at the same time of us and they have the wisco hot shot ryder donovan.” lilly said bouncing up and down in the seat next to you. you and lilly had been best friends ever since you met eachother at little wild camp 12 years ago. “y/n are you even listening”, “oh yeah sorry lil, just thinking about this weekend, did you know wisconsin scouts are gonna be there, i dont know if i can do this lil, i cant mess up, my future relies on this weekend” you exclaimed, trying not to freak out. “y/n/n you’ll be great i promise, but we should get some rest, weve still got 1.5 hours left and we’ve got a big game against east tonight.” you nod your head in agreement, dozing off into a deep sleep.

after an hour and a half of driving you arrive at the rink, getting up you fix your hair and adjust your sweats and parka and get ready to go grab your bag. after grabbing your bag, you start to head into the rink when you hear lil and ken start screaming, turning your head you see what all the fuss is about. and there he is. standing right before your eyes. ryder donovan. you’ve seen him in pictures as you followed him and some of his friends on instagram, but wow he was even prettier in person.

stumbling into the rink you make your way into the locker room gearing up to take the ice for warmups at duluth heritage. stepping onto the ice you complete your typical warmup of one-timers, slaps, and some stretching before noticing two big things in the stands. wisconsins top scout, and wisconsins top recruit, ryder. you didnt like it, but you just couldnt take your eyes off him.

the game begins and you take the ice playing your heart out making a clean goal through the five hole and racking in two more assists. after taking the ice to begin the last 20 mins of play, you get ready to take the faceoff for the third period. you win the faceoff clean and go to prepare to set yourself up to take a one-timer on the net. thats when tragedy strikes, when bringing your stick back to recieve the one-timer, before you know it you’re slammed into the boards on a cross check. tumbling down you hear a snap, a snap so loud that you watch the scout and ryder jump to their feet. as the athletic trainer scrambles to try and get you off the ice, you’re taken off the ice on a stretcher as you cant seem to put any weight on your right leg.

on the way to the hospital all you can think is why me, why now, why today. knowing it was probably your acl, you knew you were done for the season, that was it, it was over. scrolling through your twitter you saw your team won 5-2, which put your team in an excellent spot to start the season.

you arrived at the hospital and settled into your bed when a quite familiar but unfamiliar face walked into your toom. left speechless you see the 6’3 brunette standing in your doorway. “hey im ryder, i know you probably dont know me but i know you, you’re all the wisconsin scout has talked about for the past year and as im committed there i knew i had to see what the girls team is gonna have to offer and let me tell you, you looked incredible out there” ryder says shakily, messing with his fingers. you thank ryder and invite him into your room to sit on the chair. “trust me ryder i know you, youre all the girls have talked about after finding out that we played east this season, and youre committed to my dream school so theres that too, but theres no way the wisconsin scout wants anything to do with me, especially now that i have a double torn acl” you said, pointing down at your stitched up and wrapped knee, trying not to cry.

the next day, lil picked you up to bring you back to your hotel. on the car ride there you told her about everything that happened last night but when telling her you felt you sounded crazy, theres no way that thee ryder donovan went to visit YOU at the hospital and there’s absolutely no way that the wisconsin scout actually liked you. that was until you saw the instagram notification pop up on your screen... rydesdono would like to send you a message. you were shocked, theres no way that actually happened, but you opened the dm anyways to see what there was to say.

-

ryder donovan:

hey cutie, i never got your number last night and i was hoping we could catch up a little bit sometime if you feel up to it, i know with your knee it might not be easy, but i figured i would ask:)

you sat speechless. theres no way last night absolutely happened and there was absolutely no way he just called you “cutie”, but of course youre gonna meet up with ryder, no matter how much work it is

-

you:

hey rydes! id love to meet up with you again ! heres my number 952-***-****

-

thinking he might not actually text you because thats what hockey boys do, but sure enough you were proved wrong

-

maybe: ryder

hey y/n its ryder, pick you up at 6?

you:

absolutely, cant promise it’ll be easy with my knee and all, but i’ll make it work:))

rydes:

how about i pick us up food and bring it back to your hotel room, that way you can still have dinner with me but you can rest your knee at the same time;)

you:

that sounds great, ill make sure to leave the door unlocked

-

speechless you instantly call lilly and tell her everything, who freaks out the second you mention his name. as much as she doesnt believe it, you dont either. how is it that getting injured led you to a hot shot hockey player that is committed to the same school you are (yep thats right, wisco gave you an offer!!), one who’s actually genuine and nice AND insanely attractive. its mind blowing, but knowing theres no way this goes anywhere, as youd have to take the 2 hour drive back to andover in two days and probably wouldnt see ryder again until next year when you were both at wisconsin.

about an hour and a half later you hear two quiet knocks at your door, yelling “come in” at the sound. from your bed you see the cute hockey player who walks in from the doorway carrying the bag of food he got from grandmas, which happened to be your favorite restaurant in duluth. ryder sets the food on the table getting your food prepared so you didnt have to get up. he brings your food over to you and you invite him to sit next to you on your bed. you turned on your tv to the umd vs minnesota game as you rest your head on ryder who had just put his arm around you after you both finished eating. after talking for hours, that really felt like 10 mins, ryder decided that he should probably get back home and even if you didnt want him to go, you agreed.

for weeks after that you and ryder talked and talked for hours on end nonstop whether it was through snapchat, messages, or facetime. even though you only lived two hours apart, your schedules clashed too much to ever be able to meet up with eachother again. eventually after a year later you had completed your physical therapy and were ready to start your first year as a badger, but most importantly you were eager for ryder to get into town so you could hug the gorgeous brunette again.

when arriving at labahn, you were preparing yourself for the first day of practice and your next meet up with ryder, as the boys were using labahn as well as kohl center was undergoing some remodeling. you pull your bag out of your grand cherokee when you saw the brunette, and just like the first time you saw him your heart stopped. dropping your bag you ran in a dead sprint to see him as he dropped his bag and ran towards you wrapping his arms around your shoulders as if its been decades since youve last seen him as he held you for what felt like forever, when ryder whispered into your ear, “so hospitals really do make miracles happen” as he picked you up to kiss you before making your way into practice, knowing that without your injury you may have never found eachother the way you did.

[wherearemyglassesbro]

What's happens when the boys get older?

:D !!!

Once the boys are adults (like...30 year old kind of adults) they don’t need to be watched over as closely anymore but until then, it’s a full time job for Fran and Art to be their guardians

30 years for demons and angels isn’t the same as it is for us mortals so it feels more like...idk...3 years or something

As the big get older there’s all kinds of decisions they could make that’d fuck them up!!! Stealing, peer pressured substance usage, sports injuries, school fights

Arthur steers Matthew away from those things but does allow him to enjoy hockey violence without any ‘suggestions’. Every kid needs a violent outlet of some sort, even Art knows that

“Francis, you shouldn’t encourage him to act like that” “Unlike you, I don’t want my twin to end up being a total pussy!” “Francis!”

Francis does get emotionally attached to Alfred pretty quick though. When he was a mortal, he never got to have kids so Alfred was pretty much his first kid that he helped raise.............kinda. Arthur has witnessed a few tender moments between the two. Fran likes to sit at the end of Alfred’s bed to watch over him while he sleeps. Normal mortals would say ‘holy shit that’s a sleep paralysis demon’ but Alfred has seen Fran’s demonic shadow in the dark enough that it isn’t scary anymore

^Fran has also cut deals with plenty of ghosts so they leave his kid alone

Arthur loves Matthew very much too. Whevever he’s sick or has an injury he has to restrain himself from blinking a tear or two out to heal him. It’s so hard being an invisible kinda-dad :/ something he can do though is create dreams for him! He makes him dream about being a hockey star or a dog trainer, about passing his exams and driving himself to the beach for a day of peace and quiet. It’s all worth it when he sees his son assigned child smile :’)

Fran can’t even be by his coworker when he’s emotional oh lord “GET AWAY!!! DONT TOUCH ME WITH YOUR GROSS TEAR HANDS!!!” “Shut your trap! I can’t help it!”

Just because Fran and Art can ‘suggest’ behaviors doesn’t always mean the boys will listen. After a really bad brawl in college between the twins and another group of boys, Fran and Art shift into their human forms to have a ‘counseling session’ with them, posing as school counselors to talk to them about their behavior. Francis is dressed a bit too provacative and Art looks like he’s from the 40s but their fake staff lanyards have the boys convinced that they’re real counselors

“We’re concerned about your behavior on campus” “Fighting is fun and cool but you have to keep in mind, living here is a privilege! We can send you home whenever we want!” That scares them straight. And thanks to a bit of demonic meddling, no one finds out about the fight. No security camera footage, no paperwork. Nothing. Maybe Fran is rubbing off on Art a little

They’ve done this maybe 5 times before, always taking different forms so they don’t suspect anything. Usually Art makes himself into an elderly man to seem more ‘approachable’ which Fran thinks is funny

When the boys have big milestones like graduations or proms or their WEDDINGS??? These two are a mess. Both just...sobbing over their kids assigned children. Arthurs never seen a demon become soft before so it was entertaining. And Francis wore a garbage bag suit in order to comfort Art while he cried “They just grow up so fast!”

[brockachu]

if it means anything, i love your blog and your thoughts, im new to hockey and so i dont know much but you put so much love and happiness and enjoyment into your blog that i cant help but get excited for all of the players and teams you post about and its just very fun so. at the very least i dont hate you, and i know thats not much because im just a faceless anon but i hope its something. <3

hey, no, being anon doesn’t make your encouragement any less valuable. this is so, so kind and sweet of you, and i appreciate it so much. i very genuinely needed this. and i’m really glad to hear that my joy & how hard i try to share fun comes through! like it is very hard for me to put myself outside of myself — idk if i just come off as like an old weirdo or if i actually contribute anything, whether that’s actual knowledge about hockey, or history of the ~narratives~, or vibes or whatever else. and idk if it’s silly to care that much about ‘contributing’, but i’ve always wanted to be someone who’s capable of creating things.

i used to draw & write a lot. i also used to get to go to events & take photos (my current city’s ahl team has moved & i no longer live in a college hockey town or near an echl/ahl/nhl city & i never lived in a chl/nwhl/phf city + covid stuff so i just haven’t been to Any live events in 2+ years now). i still sew sometimes when my mental health isn’t fighting me every stitch of the way.

i guess what i’m saying is that, even if the point is mainly to have fun & most of my blog/twitter is really kinda silly, it’s become a major outlet for me to do my write-ups or share memes & edits or make fancams. and bc i can never tell from inside myself if any of it is fun for anyone else, sometimes it all feels a little futile, like i’m fighting myself to convince myself i get to exist and make things and take up even the tiniest digital space. and i know a lot of that isn’t anything that i can ever overcome by continuing to seek outside validation. but hell if getting some outside validation doesn’t help keep me going on really bad days (which i unfortunately have had a lot of recently. god when will winter fucking end. it’s So Ironic that hockey brings me so much joy when the literal season that allows hockey to exist has been torture for me since i was an actual kid. like i remember winter being miserable for me as young as like 12 years old)

god this answer has gone entirely off the rail — i’m just really exhausted & i want to feel like i’m doing anything & that i’ve had any progress in the decade i’ve been haunting this lil hellsite and i also do not want the younger ppl on here to see me struggling and think that life doesn’t get better. it really fucking sucks for me right now, but life does get better & i still find shit to have fun with, even when my brain is convinced to have the worst time. like, look! i wrote a fucking depressing tag essay about my self-loathing and someone likes me enough to come tell me about it. there is Always someone who is gonna give a fuck and like you, no matter what your mental illness tells you. even when you’re miserable, someone is So Glad just to know you’re still there.

i really needed this message and i hope y’all get to enjoy my much better days with me too. thank you, anon 💖

[yulmoldauer]

okay okay okay but FOLLOW UP: Nolan with a little boy who loves dress up and tea parties and princesses and you know what maybe that little boy grows up and is able to tell you and Nolan that they have always been a little girl but maybe he is a boy who likes """girl""" things and either way thats okay with Nolan! because his kid fucking rocks and he'll support their interests and identity no matter what even if stupid hockey culture tries to get in there and mess it up!

OP I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK.

so like. yall were *always* fine with the fact that your little girl was in every sport she could get her hands on, was one of the most aggressive kids out there, all that. tbh y’all were proud as hell seeing her thrive and love what she did

your second kid you were also totally okay with him not really being as into playing sports (though he absolutely loved the energy of watching sports his sister, dad, other family, etc were in!). in fact, he ended up finding all the stereotypical girly stuff people got for your oldest that she ended up not really using/playing with. (even tho you guys were clear that gender roles could fuck themselves! that didn’t mean you’d shut her off from the dolls and pink and all that)

you guys just assumed your youngest was a boy that liked dresses and skirts and all the other stuff. nothing wrong with that!

(and yes, you guys all dressed up for tea parties, fashion shows, etc. your oldest didn’t dislike dresses, but when she found out she could wear one of her dad’s ties and her kick ass leggings? man she ROCKED that runway)

there was never any questioning him, grilling him. you guys kept him away from people who would be negative toward him, and thankfully he was young enough that you could keep him from seeing things about him in the media

though, Nolan came out multiple times to say that yall didnt care what anyone thought. your kids were happy and healthy, that’s what mattered.

other guys also shared the same sentiment with the media, which was nice. it was good to know everyone who you kept your kids around did support them

as the two got older but couldn’t drive, Nolan would make days out of taking them to makeup stores and letting them run the show. he sure as hell didn’t know how that worked (and I'm leaving it up to you whether or not they learned more from you or the internet haha) but he’d sit there all day and let them test colors on his skin

sometimes they’d sweet talk tk or another friend of your guys’ to come too

(side note: imagine Nolan being dragged around whatever makeup store with tk going “that lipstick is tiny. how the hell does it cost that much” and tk just looks at him like ‘dude-you-make-a-nhl-salary?’ but also doesnt say anything bc yall aren't gonna raise your kids to throw money around like its nothing. these kids have chores and allowances for that until theyre old enough to get a job if they want their own spending money)

(tk has to quickly google every brand to make sure its cruelty-free for the kids too)

eventually the kids were getting older and your oldest was off to college (on a scholarship for ice hockey, you’d brag) and the youngest was smack dab in the middle of high school, arguably one of the suckiest times in a person’s life

your youngest sat down with the two of you over dinner and told you that they’re a girl. and no, it’s not because they just dont like gender sterotypes--they legitiamately feel this way

and who the fuck are you guys to say anything negative. she’s the one living in that body. she knows herself the best.

Nolan, that night, lays down with you in bed and lets out a sigh.

“I'm so proud of her,” he murmurs. “and I'm just glad he--she, fuck, sorry--was comfortable enough telling us.”

“yeah,” you’d agree, rubbing circles into his back. “I told her we’d help pick out a new name if she wants us to”

you got a smile at that before it quickly faded

“I just worry--I mean, obviously, this shit ain’t easy for anyone to do. but with us kinda being in the public eye...”

“hey,” you’d grab his hand and make him look at you. “we got this. we did it when she was a kid, we’ll just keep telling everyone to fuck off and mind their business. at least now that she’s older, she can decide if and when she wants to tell people. before it was a rough guessing game of what people should or shouldn’t know”

he nodded, letting out another sigh. a bit of a relieved one, this time.

“I dunno how we got lucky enough to have two bad ass kids.”

you’d snort. “we weren’t saying that when they were both throwing fits not-too-long-ago because they’re fucking stubborn. but yeah, it paid off.”

op I would give you a fat kiss on the lips for this idea I love you (if you wanted it obviously. id also give u a crisp high five or fist bump if u wanted)

[shhh-no-ones-home]

green looks good on you  vinny mauro x reader

+++++++++

Request from @gardenjungle : "If you are taking requests, I would LOVE if you could do an imagine where the reader has a ton in common with Chris (likes hockey and Harry Potter, is a vegan, etc...) so they’re super close, and Vinny is super upset about it because he likes her sooo much and “Chris gets all the girls” ??? Vinny gets no love and you’re one of the only people who writes about him often. I’d also love if you could get a little sexy action in there"

Ngl this is like 1600+ words and i wrote it in like twenty minutes and loved every minute of it. i really hope you like it! i didnt end up adding anything ‘sexy’ but its pretty gratifying to say the least lol.

Song: gold by sleeping with sirens

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee @ryansitkowskiswifey @joeybarber @thisplace-ishaunted

+++++++++

i rocked back into the couch, laughing at what chris had said. he was sat next to me, very comfortably, as we chatted amongst ourselves. we had been very close friends for a very long time and i was over the moon that he'd invited me to travel with them for this tour as the videographer. not only did i get to expand my portfolio but i also got to connect with my best friend and his band.

"okay but do you remember that one fall at the orchard when you tripped on that apple and ended up face first in the dirt?"

he laughed out and i sent him a shocked expression.

"i thought we agreed to never bring that up!"

i protested, the other guys around us sort of laughing along, them only half paying attention as they played a new video game. their focus was above our heads.

"but it was hilarious. i looked up for a split second and BAM! there you went."

he said loudly, being a little more expressive at the 'bam.' i shook my head at him.

"okay then, if we are ratting each other out about stupid shit weve done,what about that one time you got your hand stuck in the Christmas tree ties on your dads car?"

i said matter-of-factly. his eyes got wide.

"hey! that was an accident and you know it. we couldve taken my whole arm off!"

he said in his defense.

"i thought it was hilarious."

i said sternly back, smiling widely at him. he stuck his tongue out at me, a notion i gladly mirrored. then he grabbed me around the shoulders, pulling me to him. i screamed at the sudden motion, looking to vinny and rick who were sitting across from us for some guidance but they were to into the game.

"you two are too much."

ricky laughed out, looking at ryan for a second as he walked by. chris pulled me closer before licking a stripe up my face.

"ew!"

i said pulling away from him and wiping his saliva off of my face.

"asshole!"

i said, grabbing his face and blowing raspberries into his cheek. he laughed incredulously, pushing me away from him.

"youre nasty."

he said mimicking my notion and wiping his face. i punched his arm lightly before swinging my legs into his lap, him holding them there and looking down at me endearingly.

"so are you."

i said back, shaking my head at him, nose scrunched.

"you know you love me."

he said, bringing his face closer to mine.

"well yeah."

i said back, squinting at him.

"i think im done for tonight."

vinny said suddenly, pausing the game. ricky sent him a look like 'wtf?' and watched him stand.

"im gonna go get some air."

he said and we all watched him walk off the bus.

"that was weird right?"

i asked and they all nodded. i had a good few chances to talk to vinny since tour had started and he seemed like a really cool guy. someone id be lucky to call a close friend by the time tour was over if not something more. part of me felt bad, like chris and i really where too much for him to handle in that moment. but this was how we always were. we practically survived our teens years together, losing touch for a bit but inevitably going back to the way things where when we found each other back.

"you guys mind if i go out there too?"

i asked and they all sort of shrugged at me, chris letting my legs go so i could stand. as i did i leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

"dont miss me while im gone."

i joked and he rolled his eyes at me.

"of course not."

i laughed a little bit as i descended down the stairs, pushing the door open and seeing vinny leaning against the bus.

"you okay?"

i asked softly, walking to him and rubbing my hands together. i had sort of forgotten how cold it had got. it was late fall after all but the bus was so warm and inviting i didnt even think about grabbing a jacket before leaving. i half shivered as i walked closer, his face being illuminated by the street lights outside the venue.

"uh yeah, everything's great."

he said a little condescendingly, kicking his foot into the gravel under him.

"im sorry if we were too much, i guess when we get together we have a tendency to overshare and its not for everyone. but i suppose thats what you get when youre comfortable with someone the way we are."

i tried to defend to him and he let out a short sigh-laugh.

"its no big deal, you guys really like each other. its cool."

i smiled.

"yeah, hes my best friend."

vinny nodded once.

"how long have you guys been together? i dont recall him ever talking about you before."

i drew my brows.

"together?"

i asked and he seemed just as confused as i was.

"look i get it, chris gets all the girls, being the front man and all."

he seemed a little jealous.

"but i dont think he ever mentioned you before tour started and then one day he told us about some girl coming on to film us. but clearly you guys are close so do you have like a, i dont know, like a open relationship type thing?"

i laughed a little bit.

"you think chris and i are dating?"

he half shrugged.

"well yeah, its kinda obvious."

i shook my head and took his hand in mine.

"vinny i can assure you that chris and i are just friends. if anything hes like the brother i never asked for nor wanted but got anyways. but life just does that sometimes."

he looked down at our connected hands and let go of me promptly.

"i guess it just doesnt seem like that."

he said a little hurt. i sighed and leaned against the bus next to him.

"it would be kind of weird to bring it up to him but i like someone else in this band, if you wanted to know."

i said, looking at him a little hopeful he was picking up what i was putting down.

"oh."

he said sadly. i sighed, i guess not.

"yeah, hes super cool, and nice, and ive really enjoyed connecting with him."

i shivered as the wind blew and he finally looked over at me.

"are you cold?"

he asked, ignoring what i had just said. i nodded a little bit, crossing my arms over my chest.

"just a little bit but i ll be fine."

he shook his head at me.

"no way, here."

he said taking his jacket off. at least he had long sleeves on. he placed his jacket over my shoulders, pulling it together in the front.

"thanks vin."

i said as we both returned to our positions against the bus.

"would your new dream guy do that?"

he half joked, i could still hear the venom in his voice. he was absolutely jealous. i thought it was funny because now he was jealous of himself.

"actually yeah."

he scoffed, hiking his foot up on the side of the bus.

"great."

he said looking away from me. i stepped closer and nudged him.

"he would because he just did."

he looked at me and drew his brows together.

"wait you mean?"

he asked, his face turning to that of shock. i nodded.

"god, yes. vin ive had a crush on you since i got here."

i laughed out.

"i didnt think you would like me back and then i realized just now that that was utter bullshit."

he half smiled.

"and whys that?"

he asked a little cocky.

"you were jealous of chris and that has only happened to me a handful of times in my life. once in highschool when my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i didnt stop hanging out with him. once when i graduated college and my then boyfriend accused me of sleeping with him. and right now."

he looked down a little ashamed.

"yeah i guess that wasnt fair of me to do. i just figured since you guys hit it off so fast that you were into him."

i laughed a little bit.

"dont get me wrong i love him with my whole being, but seeing someone go through puberty just does something to your vision of them ya know?"

i asked and he laughed back, nodding.

"okay, well if you really are into me, would it be stepping to far to ask you out?"

he said hopefully and i grinned widely at him.

"i would love that vin."

he sent me a tired smile in the dim street lights.

"may i also be so bold as to ask if i could kiss you?"

i let out a nervous laugh. i was really gonna let that happen huh? i nodded.

"id like that a lot vin."

he stepped closer to me slowly, placing his hand gently against my cheek, running his thumb over it. his hands were rough and calloused from playing the drums so long but i didnt mind. it kind of felt nice. he looked deep into my eyes before leaning down and capturing my lips in his. all of a sudden it felt like home, like this was it, the thing id wanted for so long and never found. his other hand made its way to my waist as he deepend the kiss. i sighed into him, practically melting against his mouth like chocolate left outside in the sun on a hot day. when he pulled away he rested his forehead against mine and smiled like an idiot, one i gladly returned.

"fucking finally."

i heard from behind me, the bus door clicking closed. both of us turned to look, seeing ricky and chris standing there grinning from ear to ear. i had a mad blush splayed across my face now and was thankful that the light was behind me so it would be harder to see.

"how long have you been standing there?"

i demanded, walking to chris and punching his arm. he laughed in pain as he rubbed his arm.

"long enough to see the sparks fly."

he teased, pushing me back. i rolled my eyes at him.

"get your ass back in the bus."

i said opening the door and escorting him back inside. he made kissy noises at me as rick followed him up the stairs. i shook my head and turned around, jumping a little bit at vinnys presence behind me.

"rick had kind of been waiting for that for a while."

he said, looking up at the now closed door. i raised a a brow.

"oh?"

i asked and he sent me a bashful smile, scratching the back of his neck lightly.

"ive been crushing over you for a while too. and being jealous of chris just as long, rick's been pushing me to say something. i guess it just took one last little push."

he shamefully laughed out.

"at least now we're on the same page."

i said before standing on my tip toes and bringing him down to kiss me again, both of his hands going to my waist.

"now come on, im still cold and the bus is much warmer."

i joked and he nodded along.

"agreed."

[datingintampafails]

Chapter 22: Jaden*

“Better Together” Jack Johnson

I matched with Jaden*, and based on his main picture, a professionally taken headshot, I got the feeling this guy was out of my league for sure. I matched with him one time, my opening message being about his eye color, with some adjective I cannot remember, but the 24 hour window expired before he responded. A couple days later I saw him profile again, matching for a second time, my opener this attempt was simply “hello again.” He answered with “Let’s hang out.” I ask him about his intentions and he says no clue, asking me about mine. After explaining myself, he says he is “in the EXACT same boat.”

After that, I tried to get him to fill out the dating application. He refused, despite me telling him essentially I’d be asking the same questions anyway. He said he would rather learn about each other in person, which is fair. Since this is more or less the same time as Allen*, I tell him the same thing regarding waiting to get tested before I go out and meet anyone. He says “that’s nice of you.” I suggest instead a virtual drink and he just replies that he hates these times. I agree but acknowledge that at least I’m trying and once I’m negative we can get drinks in person. He asks when I took the test and I admit that I haven’t taken it yet and am getting it the following day. “At least you’re honest” he tells me. I tell him I don’t see the point of lying, which he says is a “good trait.” I make a joke about him being a realtor and that his job is not lying but putting positive spins on things and he finds that really funny for some reason.

I request that since he wouldn’t take my dating application, if I can at least ask him the most important question. He says “Yes” then “I do not like anal.” I sent him a full line of “haha”s. “Oh wait that wasn't the question sorry haha” was what he said next. Funny. “That’s a very important answer too… I’m glad” I tell him. Then I asked the actual important question, regarding children, and at first he said “I want kids, couple, not for at least 5 years or so.” I give him a “womp womp” essentially saying, wrong answer. I explain myself and then he says “Lol that'll probably be my path. [Kids are] too pricy and I want to travel and build my career.” The question with this 180 remains, is that how he really feels or is he trying to appease me? Either way it seems one of the answers was a lie or at least less truth.

After this, I send him five messages, two related to what he said, one saying I like his vibes and want to go out once my test is back, a follow up after he doesn’t reply a day later saying “if you’d like to of course,” and then “officially no rona” two days after the previous message when I got no responses. I figured this dude was bored, but he hadn’t unmatched me yet so I figured I’d still sort of try. He finally responds to that last message with a “yesssssssssss.” He tries to make plans for that afternoon but I tell him I’m working. I ask him about Saturday night, he says he has no plans so far and I say “You do now” with a wink emoji. We plan the night, settling on me cooking dinner and having some drinks at my place. I thank him for motivation/a reason to clean my house. The reason that I chose night, is I actually have a date scheduled as well with another guy for lunch.

He asks me about weed, if I smoke, getting Peter* flashbacks here. In my blurb about my feelings on weed, I specifically tell him “I prefer not on one on one time that someone be high.” He simply says “I dont act like a little stoner but I get it” I ask follow up questions which lead me to finding out he habitually, daily, smokes marijuana. I ask him about how that works during the COVID pandemic, he says that the price has gone up but otherwise it’s the same. I then inquire about what he’s up to that night. No response.

Then it’s past midnight and officially Saturday, the day we are supposed to meet up. I ask “Sooooo gameplan?” No response. I don’t want to keep messaging and messaging, so I just see if he will come back out of the woodwork. The guy that I was supposed to have lunch with messages me around that time saying unfortunately he cannot make lunch anymore, so that’s cancelled. I don’t see the point in telling Jaden* that my afternoon has freed up or anything like that.

When the day comes, my friend invites me to the beach and I say I’ll come since my daydate was cancelled and “I’m pretty sure that I’m being stood up for my nighttime date as well so I don’t care.” As we drive up to the beach, I see that lady and her two kids from when Ethan* and I was at the beach. I’m sure it's them. I’m weak in my vulnerability so I actually break down and text him, telling him that I spotted them. I do not expect a response. My friend and I had a good time at the beach, but got rained out so our four hour trip turned into only two. It was really hot outside though so we were okay with it being cut short. Still no word at all from Jaden*.

Now when it is 6:30pm, I feel that officially I have been stood up. By this point, I'd already cooked dinner and had finished it, so even if he did magically appear I would tell him too bad. I message him to redeem myself, “Well if you actually wanna meet up let me know. I’m pretty busy so my time is valuable” I also add a stone faced emoji, because I’m sick of this shit, frankly. An hour after that, he messages me “hey!!” I for some reason don’t get the notification, and when I check my phone about 40 minutes later, I just reply “lol hi.” An hour and a half after my response, he gives me his number and asks me to text him. Here’s some screenshots.

My phone rings and it’s him. “Are you in an SUV?” I am and I jump as a figure appears to my left, it is him. The lightning storm going on has transgressed into a full on rain. We quickly hug hello as he escorts me to the door and the safety of no rain.

Once inside, I am greeted by his lab, a really nice pupper that I give lots of pats to. I’m then introduced to his friend. Jaden* offers me a drink, I let him make me a drink with some local rum. It is made way too strong, and I add some of my sparkling juice to the mixture to try and soften it up. It marginally works, but I just slowly sip on it.

Both Jaden* and his friend are outgoing and friendly, we talk about random stuff, shoot the shit. Honestly, thus far I am getting along better with the friend, not in a romantic way, but just a regular way. Jaden* is a little too talkative, occasionally interrupting, and loud. I cannot tell if he is drunk, high, or whatever, but he just seems a little off. Since I have no baseline of what he is like sober, it’s hard to tell. Jaden* brags about me, essentially saying that I was so nice and awesome and was going to make him dinner, which I make a point of adding “oh don’t worry I still made it, I just ate it myself” to be cheeky. He continues talking about miscellaneous other stuff, mostly things I cannot connect to at all, as it relates to other mutual friends the other two have.

He stops at one point and says “oh! You said I have some explaining to do so here you are” and he goes on to say that he went to watch the Barcelona soccer game with friends, and upon them winning, continued the celebration with drinking all day, he repeats a few times, “it’s not a good excuse, but it’s an honest one.” I shrug and say “I mean that’s okay.” He goes on to tell another similar story about when he was in college and skipped hockey practice, again like “it’s not a good excuse but it’s an honest one.”

Then another friend comes by, it’s a female. She is nice and seems to be long time friends with them both. They (meaning the two friends of Jaden*) are discussing plans to go to another bar or something in a little, but they end up sticking around for another hour and a half. Jaden* mentions he’s hungry (munchies??) and upon looking in his fridge, there’s nothing to eat except literally lunch meat. He eats the lunch meat, offers me some, which I decline, and actually goes back a second time to eat the rest of it after 5 minutes. He complains he’s still hungry so I say I’ll look up food options for him. He orders food (McDonald’s) and offers me to get whatever I want, I’m barely hungry so I opt for some small fries and a small frozen coke.

Jaden* has prepared some weed and puts it in a vaporizer, him and the male friend partake, both myself and the other woman decline. He now brings out a guitar and tries to play the beginning of a song, making us all guess what it is. He plays so sloppily and in combination with the guitar being out of tune, I have no clue. He repeats the set of notes like five times before revealing it’s the beginning of “that one Jack Johnson song.” Upon later googling, it was “Better Together.” He asks everyone if anyone knows anything on guitar, I sheepishly go “oh I used to play as a kid, I know like one song.” I take the guitar and play the one song I know by heart on guitar in fast succession, Beethoven’s Fur Elise. They’re all just staring at me blankly, confused that this quiet chill chick just whipped out legitimate guitar skills out of nowhere. I also continue to just strum on the guitar while everyone talks, just to have something to do. Jaden* takes the guitar back to try and tune it with some app on his phone. He complains about how the app doesn’t really work to tune it and that it is still out of tune. The guitar gets put away.

Jaden* now is complaining about how he “ordered his food an hour ago and it’s still not here;” it has been fifteen minutes. His friend believes him; “it has not been an hour” I say so as to not sympathize with him. He is again bragging about me, and talking about how nice I am and that he liked that when we were talking on Bumble. The flattery is something I’m immune to but I thank him. Next he goes into a long winded story about when he partied with Justin Bieber back when he was dating Selena Gomez, “he could have had any girl he wanted at that party” he attested, “but he didn’t and he even went upstairs to talk to her on the phone. Biebs is loyal.” Also don’t really care about Biebs so I was not impressed by this anecdote. We did randomly bond over liking old Adam Sandler movies, specifically my favorite, Little Nicky, and agreed we’d watch that tonight. Randomly his dog jumped up on the couch next to me and I noticed that the dog had a boner, which was awkward and I pushed him away so I wouldn’t get humped.

The friends finally left a little before 1 am, I told Jaden* that I wanted to get going by 2 since I had stuff to do the next day and needed to get back to my dog. He says that’s fine and then gets mad about his food still not being there after at this point long enough to bitch. Now that he’s a little closer to me, I can smell his breath and it is horrid. It smells just like butt. I assume from a mix of the smoke and alcohol he had been drinking all day.

He calls McDonald's and gets in an argument with the lady. It’s really weird and off putting. On the phone he is saying how he’s worked at restaurants and know how the system works with delivery services, and the fact that they’re “still working on it” means such and such. They claim it’s already been picked up despite the app saying it hasn’t. He says he is just going to order from somewhere else. I’m arguing with him that nowhere he orders food from is going to get there quicker at this point and to just wait. Finally the UberEats updates and it will be there in 10 minutes which calms him down. He remembers he has a cookie and goes to eat it. I do find it pro status that he microwaves the cookie for a little bit. He asks me if I want some, I say sure, but then he tries to spoon feed a piece to me. I go with it; the cookie is actually pretty good. He offers me another piece, again spoon feeding it to me. A little weirdly intimate.

We go back to the couch to finally start Little Nicky. I’ve seen this movie countless times at this point so it’s not super important that I pay attention. He briefly rubs my shoulder and it feels good, I try to convince him to give me a full shoulder rub, and offer one to him as well. He gets his, I successfully break out a knot in his shoulder. When it's presumably now my turn, I get that same shoulder rubbed for maybe one minute, then he stops. Disappointing. He attempts to kiss me quite a few times, and I unenthusiastically peck/kiss back, but again, his breath is rancid so I’m not trying to get too close to that.

The food finally arrives. There’s no straws so I tried to open the top of my coke and it accidentally splattered on the (brown) couch. I run to the kitchen to get paper towels and come back to clean it. I apologize and he says it’s ok.

He’s eating his food, and is of course to my dismay chewing with his mouth open/smacking his lips, so if it wasn’t already a no go, it now officially was. I stay with my promise to just hang a little longer though. He snarfs down his food, I eat some fries and eat my frozen coke with a spoon. He’s done eating and we go back to spooning to watch the movie. He keeps lighting kind of humping me, which is just super weird, and I ignore that it’s happening. He seems to be completely flaccid which makes it even stranger.

After maybe 15 minutes, I notice that he’s no longer really laughing at the movie or doing anything, I peer back and realize this dude is sleeping. Great. I just lay there and continue to watch the movie. Honestly, I almost drift off to sleep a few times too; it’s late and I’m bored/tired. I check my watch and it’s now 1:58am. I start to get up and say “ok it’s almost 2, I gotta get going.” He awakens and grumbles at me.

He becomes legitimately angry at me for actually following through with what I said I was gonna do. “What the hell I thought we were gonna hang?” I tell him that like I came over but told him we weren’t hooking up so that shouldn’t have been an expectation. “I see, leaving at exactly 2, wow.” I’m just gathering my things and not saying a word. He mumbles at me and I cannot make out half the words he says, but says something like “I don’t think I’m the guy you’re looking for.” I respond, “I can’t really understand you right now, but yeah that’s okay.” It is clear to me this guy is not compatible with me whatsoever.

I’m still trying to be more or less not a total bitch, so I give him a peck on the forehead goodbye. I was holding my open frozen coke, so unfortunately in leaning over I again still had a little of the drink on the sofa. Whereas last time he was calm about it, now he is pissed. “AND YOU JUST KEEP SPILLING SHIT ON MY COUCH! GET IT TOGETHER!” He is being a jerk and I am no longer standing by and being friendly, “I’m gonna fucking clean it up again chill out, damn. You don’t have to be such a fucking asshole” He repeats yelling at me about his couch, that is the same color as the beverage so besides it looking wet, it will not stain. “Whatever” I say. I double check I have all my things, as the last thing I would want to do is have to come back here to get a belonging of mine. He is staring at me as I do this like “hurry up and leave. ”As I have my things and I’m about to head out the door, he randomly becomes nice again, “alright catch you later” “probably not,” I respond as I close the door behind me.

I shake my head to myself as I leave and at least the rain has stopped. I actually even feel tears sort of welling in my eyes. I am tired of having such terrible experiences, getting slack from guys I barely even know, having to put on a smile, some make-up, and put myself out there, just to be treated like shit. I drive home without incident, I think about blocking his number, but I figure that can wait until tomorrow. I get home a little before 2:30am, greet my dog, let her sniff me since I smell like another dog at this point, before changing into my pajamas again.

Later that morning, I get a text from Jaden*:

I have no reason to continue the conversation after that. I figured I would be honest because, why not. If I can at least try and teach him a lesson for the next woman, then my suffering will not be for nothing. Another night I won’t forget, similar to Peter*, but at least he did have a clean apartment before I came along.

[knifeshoerpf]

jack eichel as a bf :)

a/n: it got so long, oh my god. also a little nsfw in the middle. sorry not sorry??

listen, he acts all mighty and macho and whatever and you think its hella cute

because you know what he’s actually like when he’s with people he likes

literally always whining about something

“babe, there’s no milk in the fridge :(” 

“yeah I told you to get them yesterday after training and you said okay??”

“i forgot…babe now what :((((”

he’s super supportive of your acads

you guys actually met in college during a frat party

he saw you staring blankly at a table full of drinks and came over to make you one

which meant that he unfortunately ended up being your chaperone the entire night

it was the first time you’d ever gotten drunk

and when you woke up in his bed at his dorm you panicked until you tried to get up and almost stepped on him

because yes, he was sleeping on the floor

“why the fuck are you on the floor??”

“I couldn’t just get into bed with you, you were drunk, it’s not right”

you felt horribly bad so you met up later that day for coffee, your treat

and that was the start of your coffee dates, that eventually turned into actual dates

your first time together was…eventful, to say the least

you kept dropping hints, like wearing revealing clothing, or making dirty jokes, or purposefully dropping stuff and bending over in front of him

and he’d always turn red but he never said or did anything

and you started getting insecure because what if he wasn’t actually attracted to you?? you knew he was a hockey player, you knew he hooked up a lot before he met you, so what the heck’s his problem??

eventually one night it just builds up and next thing you know, you’re screaming at each other in the middle of his dorm room

you’d gone out to a party and you were looking fantastic

jack as per usual, barely even looked at you, so you started dancing with other dudes

one of them laid a hand on your waist and before you could tell him to stop, because you were mad at jack and you wanted to piss him off but your heart hurt because jack’s supposed to be the only one touching you 

jack shoved the dude and the dude looked like he was about to shove back and start an actual fight

but you were so goddamn pissed off you grabbed jack’s shirt and started screaming at him so bad the other dude actually backed off

and the 2 of you started screaming at each other

eventually the people in the party just,, told yall to leave, so you had to

but you were arguing the whole way back to his dorm

“you’re seriously just going to let some random fucking dude touch you?? like that??”

“well at least someone will be fucking touching me!!”

“what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

“probably the fact that you don’t fucking like me!!”

“i don’t like y - what the fuck? what the absolute fuck?!? you’re my girlfriend why the FUCK won’t I like you?!”

“you don’t look at me, you don’t fucking touch me, you pull away in 2 seconds every time we kiss - what the fuck is it?!? i’m not hot like all those other girls, is that it?? you don’t want to fuck me because I’m not all pretty and hot and sexy, that’s the issue, right?!”

and you start fucking crying because it’s been exhausting, this whole thing’s been exhausting

you look up and jack’s just standing still, his mouth open

he reaches forward and you step back, shaking your head as you sob into your hands

“babe, y/n, please. that’s not…fuck. fuck, im so sorry i made you feel like this. i love you, i love you a lot and i think you’re pretty and hot and all of that, okay? i just - i didn’t want to treat you like those girls. i didn’t want us to just have sex all the time, i wanted our relationship to be more than that -”

“you made me feel like i was doing something wrong, like i wasn’t good enough for you -”

“dont ever say that. don’t. do you know how hard it is for me to hold myself back? fuck, you’re so fucking hot. i just want to be with you, all the time. i just want to touch you.”

you look up at him and he sees you and you see him just let go and stop holding back

he crosses his room and grabs your face, tilting it back and just fucking kisses you

like holy shit

holy s h i t

its wet and fast and passionate and he’s pressing into you and there’s heavy breathing

you have to pull away because you need to fucking breathe

you were almost going to pass out

jack looks at you, nervous and vulnerable but his eyes are blown

“can we - can I -”

“yes, yes to everything. i want you.”

its nothing wild, but its so intense

he yells your name out when he comes and it just pushes you over the edge

you come so hard you almost black out again, and jack has to help support you

you want to talk but you just can’t, so you rest your head against his chest and just fall asleep

when you wake up in the morning, the 2 of you have a nice long discussion about your relationship

you’re putting your clothes back on in the morning and jack grabs your arm

“what?”

“so we’re okay, right?”

“yeah…unless we aren’t ? -”

“no, no! i just. nevermind. you have class -”

“jack we literally just had an hour-long conversation about needing to be honest with each other and open communication, so if you need to say something -”

“its not a big deal. its really stupid”

“spit it out, eichs.”

“youdidntsayitback”

“jack, you’re mumbling. what -”

“you didn’t say it back. last night. i told you i love you. its fine if you don’t want to, I just -”

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

and thankfully you’ve never had any big issues or arguments since

its tough when he has to move to buffalo and you have to stay in boston to finish college but he refuses to be a distraction

you manage to cram enough courses to graduate a year early and you surprise him at his new place in buffalo

its the first time you see him actually cry???

“i wasn’t crying! i was just, teary. that’s not the same as crying!”

“yeah, nope.”

“well fuck you…you try getting surprised that the love of your life is moving in with you”

you just laugh, and tell him you love him

[in-one-sockk]

200-1 :3

200: My crush’s name is: @when-youcant-sleepat-night199: I was born in: England198: I am really: irritating197: My cellphone company is: Tesco!196: My eye color is: grey, sometimes green or sometimes blue195: My shoe size is: 8194: My ring size is: I have no idea, but I have thick fingers193: My height is: 5′9 and a half192: I am allergic to: Most bug bites191: My 1st car was: I have no idea what make it is... there’s a funny bird looking thing on the front though190: My 1st job was: Primark189: Last book you read: The Sex Lives Of Siamese Twins188: My bed is: currently lacking @when-youcant-sleepat-night187: My pet: sucks, she stalks me186: My best friend: is my girlfriend185: My favorite shampoo is: Palmer’s Organic Coconut!!184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 who do you think I am183: Piggy banks are: terrible,, my ADHD brain cannot deal182: In my pockets: are a pack of soothers 181: On my calendar: my girlfriend visiting soon180: Marriage is: definitely happening, sometime soon.. tell my girlfriend to marry me179: Spongebob can: get it178: My mom: sucks, she’s manipulative177: The last three songs I bought were? I dont buy songs! but my newest was Even If It’s A Lie by Matt Maltese176: Last YouTube video watched: Kitchen Nightmares US175: How many cousins do you have? two! They’re both under 5174: Do you have any siblings? - biologically 5, technically 3173: Are your parents divorced? - nope, but probably should be172: Are you taller than your mom? - almost!171: Do you play an instrument? - I play a few... Piano, bass, sometimes guitar170: What did you do yesterday? - College, unfortunately[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: I do!168: Luck: definitely167: Fate: yup!166: Yourself: never165: Aliens: of course164: Heaven: nope163: Hell: nope! wish I did though162: God: I believe in higher power, but not one set God, perhaps many161: Horoscopes: very much so160: Soul mates: hell yeh159: Ghosts: on the fence158: Gay Marriage: you’re asking a lesbian..157: War: never, never ever156: Orbs: I have no idea what this is.. and as a witch I probably should155: Magic: of course![ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: 153: Drunk or High:152: Phone or Online:151: Red heads or Black haired:150: Blondes or Brunettes:149: Hot or cold:148: Summer or winter:147: Autumn or Spring:146: Chocolate or vanilla:145: Night or Day:144: Oranges or Apples:143: Curly or Straight hair:142: McDonalds or Burger King: (I’m allergic to McDonalds though.. but I love it)141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:140: Mac or PC:139: Flip flops or high heels: neither138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I’m already ugly, I have nothing to lose137: Coke or Pepsi:136: Hillary or Obama:135: Burried or cremated:134: Singing or Dancing:133: Coach or Chanel:132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: ... who?131: Small town or Big city:130: Wal-Mart or Target: I’m British129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler:128: Manicure or Pedicure:127: East Coast or West Coast:126: Your Birthday or Christmas:125: Chocolate or Flowers:124: Disney or Six Flags:123: Yankees or Red Sox: ...what?[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: childish, unnecessary, unreasonable, avoidable121: George Bush: cunt120: Gay Marriage: bombest shit ever119: The presidential election: rigged, put a lesbian in office118: Abortion: let people do what they want117: MySpace: I’m too young for that 116: Reality TV: good for when I don’t want my brain. British reality tv is the best115: Parents: wish I had good ones114: Back stabbers: worthless, hurt people hurt people113: Ebay: 90% shitty112: Facebook: everyone middle aged mother 111: Work: makes me hate people even more110: My Neighbors: are crazy, one sweeps the pavement with a paint brush and the other practices the unicycle109: Gas Prices: ridiculous108: Designer Clothes: kinda pointless107: College: wish it didn’t exist106: Sports: sO overrated105: My family: I love my sisters104: The future: is bright[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: Friday102: Last time you ate: yesterday101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: no idea100: Cried in front of someone: yesterday99: Went to a movie theater: a couple months ago with my sister98: Took a vacation: start of September 97: Swam in a pool: years ago96: Changed a diaper: no idea95: Got my nails done: never94: Went to a wedding: two years ago93: Broke a bone: never92: Got a peircing: last October91: Broke the law: 3 months ago90: Texted: hour ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: @when-youcant-sleepat-night88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my sister and my cat87: The last movie I saw: Pride86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: seeing my girlfriend85: The thing im not looking forward to: her leaving84: People call me: the baby83: The most difficult thing to do is: focus82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never81: My zodiac sign is: gemini80: The first person i talked to today was: my girlfriend 79: First time you had a crush: two years ago on my best friend78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: @when-youcant-sleepat-night77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: ten minutes ago76: Right now I am talking to: my girlfriend 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: maybe die, who knows 74: I have/will get a job: ... I have a job?73: Tomorrow: I wanna sleep72: Today: I wanna cuddle my baby71: Next Summer: move out70: Next Weekend: get cuddled69: I have these pets: I have three cats!!68: The worst sound in the world: squeeky cardboard67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Liam goddam Neeson66: People that make you happy: my sister, my girlfriend, bts 65: Last time I cried: a couple hours ago64: My friends are: non existent63: My computer is: shitty,, Toshiba62: My School: makes me wanna die61: My Car: is broken60: I lose all respect for people who: cheat59: The movie I cried at was: Marley and Me58: Your hair color is: brown and ginger57: TV shows you watch: Come Dine With Me, anything with Gordon Ramsay, The Apprentice56: Favorite web site: Tumblr55: Your dream vacation: my girlfriends bed54: The worst pain I was ever in was: depression was a bitch, but I also had tonsillitis that turned septic53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don’t like steak52: My room is: small, cold

51: My favorite celebrity is: Min Yoongi or Kim Heechul50: Where would you like to be: @when-youcant-sleepat-night‘s bed49: Do you want children: I really do, atleast 148: Ever been in love: legit right now47: Who’s your best friend: @when-youcant-sleepat-night46: More guy friends or girl friends: mostly girls45: One thing that makes you feel great is: cuddles44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my girlfriend 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I dont even have a plan for the next five minutes 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: be happy41: Have you pre-named your children: nope, not at all40: Last person I got mad at: my mother39: I would like to move to: Wales or Ireland38: I wish I was a professional: musician[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Kinder Bueno36: Vehicle: Jeeps35: President: Obama34: State visited: Florida33: Cellphone provider: wtf32: Athlete: I don’t know any31: Actor: Ezra Miller30: Actress: Sarah Paulson29: Singer: Park Jimin28: Band: The Smashing Pumpkins27: Clothing store: Urban Outfitter26: Grocery store: Aldi25: TV show: Come Dine With Me24: Movie: Girl Interrupted23: Website: Tumblr22: Animal: Panda21: Theme park: Thorpe Park20: Holiday: haven’t been on one I’ve liked19: Sport to watch: Hockey18: Sport to play: Trampolining17: Magazine: Kerrang16: Book: The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier15: Day of the week: Saturday14: Beach: I hate beaches :(13: Concert attended: BTS12: Thing to cook: noodles11: Food: anything cheesy10: Restaurant: Nandos9: Radio station: I don’t know any8: Yankee candle scent: cupcake7: Perfume: vanilla, Britney Spears ones are good though!6: Flower: Sunflowers5: Color: Green4: Talk show host: James Corden3: Comedian: Lee Evans2: Dog breed: Cats1: Did you answer all these truthfully? hopefully

[bookscatselin]

First off my apologies for the length. I posted this on mobile and I do not know how to make this a read more situation. If anyone does and can tell me how I will edit and repost.

I am a sports fan. I am a women. I am Asian. These things should not be mutually exclusive but some days I feel like they are.

The Pittsburgh Penguins are promoting a man who was dismissed from his college team for attacking his girlfriend. I do not recall the specifics and do not want to overstate what happened. If you google him, news articles about this are not hard to find.

I couldn’t put my feelings into words about why this bothered me so much. I don’t believe a man who was dismissed from his college team for domestic violence should be in the NHL. I am not trying to tell the Penguins what to do or make their roster decisions for them. But I cannot support this. And tonight I realized why.

In regards to professional sports why is it okay to be an abuser (sexual, violence, domestic violence) and it’s not okay to be gay? Or to speak out in support of something that matters to you?

There are no “out” players in the NHL, NFL or MLB. Yes, Jason Collins came out at the end of his career. Yes, Michael Sam was drafted. But neither of those men hold an active roster spot today. In 2012/13 an NFL player names Chris Klewe was very vocal in his support of equal marriage and another player who also supported LGBTQ rights. This is what happened to him: https://deadspin.com/i-was-an-nfl-player-until-i-was-fired-by-two-cowards-an-1493208214

In sports culture there is a “winning is more important than anything” mentality. So a large number of sports fans don’t care what a player is like off the ice or field as long as that player is good / good enough and their team is winning. Until that player does something that upsets the accepted status quo. Being an awful person is apparent status quo. Standing up for your beliefs is not. Being gay really is not.

I don’t believe in loving anyone or anything blindly. If you love something you should question decisions that don’t line up with things you believe. If you don’t, you believe in nothing.

The Pittsburgh Penguins have taken the path of least resistance this year. They went to the White House and stood behind a man who has said horrible things to and about women, who doesn’t care about rights if those rights dont directly effect him, and who called an entire country of people rapists. The did not have to go. The mayor of Pittsburgh didn’t. The golden state warriors didn’t.

What he has done has never been acknowledged by this team. They speak of how hard he worked to get to where he is. They speak of his growth as a player. I don’t believe people change that much. (Prime example: Johnny Manziel)

This isn’t about atonement. This isn’t about whether or not they are sorry or deserve a second chance. This is about whether there are things a player can do that should cost them their job. Being abusive, yes. Speaking their mind or being different, no.

The NHL and the Pittsburgh Penguins would like us to believe that “hockey is for everyone”. But it’s very clearly not. Using rainbow colored tape during one warmup does not equal supporting LGBTQ rights. Promoting a domestic abuser does not equal supporting women.

Watching the penguins play hockey is one of my favorite things. I love sports. I love football. I love baseball. But above all I love penguins hockey. Or I loved it. They are still my team. I want good things for them. I won’t be watching games when he is the goaltender.

TL;DR: if Casey DeSmith had spoken out in support of something controversial or If he had publicly declined to go to the White House would he still have a job?

[pmcurtis]

Yah hi ik u dont know me but i rlly love ur blog! Im so excited to even be writing u this. Can i get something about like being left at the alter and the guy of Your choice comforting you? Its happened to me before and i would love to get the comfort and love from a fictional character that i never got in real life ;]

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

[eriquebittle]

part 2 of 3rd grade teacher nursey?? yes?? ok

(part one)

calls all of his kiddos “little bro” regardless of gender. the occasional “little dude” or “little man”

the first time he wears a short sleeve dress shirt to school all the kids are obsessed with his tattoo

“mr n has a forever drawing on his arm :000″

hes the ultimate kid whisperer. anything these kids throw at him? hes got it covered

kids are fighting about who gets the 64 pack of crayons. jeremy got them yesterday and now he wants them again?? theres like 4 other kids who want to use them jeremy dont be a dick

nursey’s like “can i give you guys a special project? i need a big drawing to put up on the wall. but you all have to help and you all need to use the crayons”

jeremy, immediately distributing the crayons and getting a big ass piece of paper: ok mr n!!!!!!

his kids are so funny theyre all like little adults and that’s exactly how he treats them!! miss him with that corny “singing songs about sharing and rainbows” bullshit thats for kindergarteners and he knows they all know that

if the kids are fighting they turn the class into a courtroom and head straight to arbitration. jenny pulls the receipts from lunch yesterday when kate said her butterfly scrunchie was ugly. nursey is impressed

one kid is super into reading and writing poetry and reminds him of when he was a little 9 year old poetry ho, so he brings in some of his own poetry books to let her borrow and she reads them in like 2 days

some of the other kids are into it too and ask to read the books, so he brings in some of his lighter poetry collections from home and the kids set up a “mr n’s library” shelf where all the classroom books are

most of his books are from high school/college so they’re too hard for 3rd graders, but he prints out some of his favorites that his moms read to him when he was little 

they have recess inside when it snows and they start reading poems to each other out loud, nursey is like !!! bc holy shit theyre really showing an interest in this!! it’s like a mini poetry slam and its the coolest thing hes ever seen

a lot of the classrooms have little bulletin boards outside with a picture of each kid and nursey’s board is all self portraits he had them draw, but the only rule was they had to draw themselves doing what they want to do when they grow up 

so he has a bunch of princesses and racecar drivers and dolphin trainers  (and one real estate lawyer...marcus knows what he wants)

he gets so may drawings of him and he saves all of them

 he has a little folder in his desk with lie 15 drawings of him at the beach, in a hockey uniform, riding a shark in space (his personal favorite) etc

also strict no name calling policy 

 the kids p much adhere to this bc disappointing mr. n feels like disappointing your dad except 4000x worse bc mr. n is also like ur dad and best friend and your older brothers cool friend all in one

 hes that Cool Teacher that everyone has an inside joke with 

he loves it 

goes on insane vacations during winter break (this year his mom had a conference in dubai so he and his other mom surprised her there) and the kids make him show the pics he took from the trip

this clumsy fuck leaves his lesson plan at home so Hero Boyfriend justin oluransi saves the day and drops it off in nursey’s classroom 15 minutes after class starts, and gives him a kiss on the cheek before leaving

nineteen 9 year olds all at once: awww

watching nursey lead his kids through the hallway and out to the buses is so cute bc he looks like hes herding a bunch of little ducklings around

thursdays are his days out on the playground as a monitor and he starts a co-ed game of street hockey 

by the third week, most of the playground is either playing in or watching the game

nursey is the ref but will play occasionally; when he plays he ends up with a kid sitting on each of his feet clinging to his leg to slow him down

“this is definitely a penalty, little man”

also he always brings extra juiceboxes and snacks in his bag in case he sees anyone without a lunch/snack

one kid always sits alone at lunch and reads, so nursey sits with her and they talk about whatever book shes reading that day

he lives in the same town he teaches so he’ll run into kids and parents at the grocery store, park, etc

before he even sees them he can hear a little “mr n!!!” from a few yards away and his heart does a lil flip bc!! kiddo!!

(oh shit what if he wasnt dating ransom yet but had his kid in class so he was just Hot Dad At Stop & Shop...interesting concept)

ANYWAYS parent teacher conferences were hella stressful his first year (”what if they dont like me what if they get mad at me for teaching wrong”)

by his second/third year? hes every parents fave and he knows it

hes also super pumped for them now bc he has the chance to tell these parents how awesome their kids are

the end of the school year? exciting but also sad as hell bc hes so close with these 20 little humans who trust him to teach them multiplication and how to write haikus

they surprise him with a big ass scrapbook of pics of them on field trips and stuff and add little letters at the end about how awesome 3rd grade was with him

he cries and says he’ll keep it forever (they made him pinky promise)

tldr: you know miss honey from matilda? thats nursey as an elementary school teacher. thank u for your time

[emilyjunk]

Tagged by @detectivedimple

The last 1. drink: coffee 2. phone call: my gf 3. text message: “thanks” - also my gf 4. song you listened to: Drive by Incubus 5. time you cried: hm yesterday i guess. it’s been a week

Have you ever 6. dated someone twice: yes 7. kissed someone and regretted it: regret is a strong word.   8. been cheated on: not that i know of 9. lost someone special: i guess  10. been depressed: only like once? when i was 12 but it just never stopped so 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: i dont think about those times 3 favorite colors 12. purple 13. yellow 14. a dark but soft blue In the last year have you: 15. made new friends: yeah  16. fallen out of love: no but i fell in 17. laughed until you cried: mhmm 18. found out someone was talking about you: yes but not in a mean way? 19. met someone who changed you: you have no idea 20. found out who your friends are: idk what this means honestly but i found out who my friends arent 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: mhmm

General: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: almost all of them but tbf im not friends with any strangers who i dont know at all 23. do you have any pets: i have a cat his name is cat 24. do you want to change your name: i did when i was younger but never knew what i would change it to. now i dont want to even though idt my name fits me much 25. what did you do for your last birthday: er went to pho with my family it was lowkey but on my actual bday i didnt do anything 26. what time did you wake up: originally at 5:45 but then i fed my cat and went back to sleep til 11:45 lol 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: going to sleep 28. name something you can’t wait for: seeing my gf but idk when. also when i get a job... idk when that is either. 31. what are you listening to right now: some ugly ass birds chirp out my window 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes 33. something that is getting on your nerves: that im not getting any interviews for jobs i apply for even when im overqualified by like 10000 qualification points, racism, and people on this website 34. most visited website: this hellsite  35. hair colour: people are always telling me im blonde but i think im brunette and truly they are blind but when i when was little i was dirty blonde  lol 36. long or short hair: my hair is medium long

39. piercings: both lobes, traegus (sp?), cartilage 40. blood type: red unless it’s in my body then it’s blue 41. nicknames: Ang, Angie i guess, junkle, my brother calls me aang lol 42. relationship status: spoken for 43. zodiac: gemini and proud. 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: orphan black but it’s ending today so im sad. i also am currently revisiting my soft spot for the hell that is glee. and i love poi, even sometimes more than orphan black because it really did me right the entire time and i appreciate that. steven universe is on that list too. llisten i have a lot of favorite shows i cant do this. 46. tattoos: uh i have 3. a sun on my ankle, a moon behind my ear, and a bee on my wrist. i want more but im poor and also dk where i’d put them cuz im self-conscious 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: just on my wisdom teeth lol 49. piercing: didn’t we just do this one? 50. sport: haha when i was younger i played lotssss of sports but now im lazy and fat. i gave my entire childhood and adolescence to competitive softball though so i suppose i will always have a soft spot for it. i also did baseball, basketball, soccer, hockey, and one year i did both track and flag football but then i quit cuz i hated them. actually i liked flag football but they never passed to me because boys (especially 13 year olds) are sexist meanies. in college i did ultimate frisbee, volleyball, football, broomball, and dodgeball which i LOVED.

51. vacation: anywhere with mountains or volcanoes. also italy. but also im a fan of staycation. 52. pair of trainers: you mean the only shoes i wear? they’re new balance More general: 53. eating: nothing, but i had eggos earlier and will likely have leftover pizza later. it’s a swell life.  54. drinking: coffee. 55. i’m about to: nothin. 56. waiting for: getitn a job :( 57. want: to be with my gf and also have a job 58. get married: uh maybe 59. career: :/ Which is better: 60. hugs or kisses: hm hugs but kisses too 61. lips or eyes: both but maybe smiles 62. shorter or taller: idc but my gf is shorter so maybe shorter is the right answer here

63. older or younger: idc but not too much difference either way 64. nice arms or nice stomach: arms but they’re all nice 65. hook up or relationship: relationship idk a hookup  66. troublemaker or hesitant: depends Have you ever: 67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: ya

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: never lost but did break them once :( 70. turned someone down: yes 71. sex on the first date: er it’s complicated like sort of but also not 72. broken someone’s heart: yeah :( 73. had your heart broken: oh yeah  74. been arrested: not yet 75. cried when someone died: no 76. fallen for a friend: yes Do you believe in: 77. yourself: about some things 78. miracles: not sure 79. love at first sight: i used to not but now i kind of do  80. santa claus: no lol 81. kiss on the first date: sure 82. angels: not sure but im open to the possibility of the existence of all things Other: 83. current best friend’s name: hm rachel, renee, emily, jordan 84. eye colour: blue 85. favourite movie: school of rock, a league of their own, miracle, star wars, the pitch perfect movies, boyhood

tagging: @amanaryouserious @aca-trash @crazypitches @haughtwav if u are bored and feel like it i guess