#also if u see typos no u literally didn't

[thickenmyblood]

what i like about this post (other than, obviously, the great meta and analysis and commentary on the story) is the disclaimer at the very top that explains what i thought would be obvious to anyone reading the fic. the story is meant to make you think and prod at your own life, but it's not a step by step guide on how to do or think anything. like . . . when did we start taking fiction so literally?

now, onto the main course:

1. Has Laurent engaged in abusive behaviors?

i tried to explain this before when i was asked about it, but ofc you've been way better with your words than i was. here is my reply to a similar comment.

now. . . you're absolutely correct! we are shown and told and it is EXPLICITLY discussed in the fic that laurent has been abusive. having said this:

2. If so, do those abusive behaviors necessarily indicate that he is and will always be an abuser?

(...) we have several reasons to believe that Laurent’s abusive behavior is the product of particular circumstances rather than a generalized personality dysfunction.

yes! i have tried to show this again and again in the fic. laurent has self awareness, laurent goes to therapy, laurent knows that some of the things he has said and done to damen are bad.

Damen’s palm is numb around the glass. “Why were you angry?” “Nicaise.” “Justified,” Damen says. “And the rest of it?” Laurent is facing him again. “Paschal says I have a tendency to expect the worst from everyone. Especially you. You’d make comments, and I’d think you were being cruel instead of…” “Instead of what? Ignorant?”

a lot of what could fall under the category of "laurent's abuse" are reactions that could have been prevented had BOTH of them been willing to communicate better. damen made awful comments about laurent's mental health, laurent taking medication, laurent's coping mechanism, BECAUSE damen didn't know better, because he didn't even know they were coping mechanisms in the first place... take, for example, how he remembers vaguely that laurent placed a lot of importance into locks and privacy but he DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHY!:

I’m sorry, Damen wants to say, knows it is the wrong thing, doesn’t say it. He looks back through years of fuzz and static and blurred conversations to find the one they had when Laurent was apartment hunting. Locks are non-negotiable, he’d said. Damen’s reply had been fun and—no, irked. Or maybe we should teach Nicaise to knock. 

time and time again he sees laurent's trauma responses and coping mechanisms and misinterprets them. another example is laurent wearing auguste's clothes (obviously a source of comfort):

He doesn’t know what the worst thing Laurent has ever done to him is. Their fights weren’t always loud or foreseeable, and they didn’t always revolve around Nicaise. Once, Damen made the mistake of making a bad joke to him around the second week of September. He had come home to Laurent wearing clothes that didn’t fit him, and Damen hadn’t thought before kissing him and tugging on the too-long sleeves of his cardigan. Been busy at the thrift shop, huh? Trying to audition for Oedipus in Nicaise’s play?  He hadn’t known it was Auguste’s, or why it looked the way it did, or why Laurent had chosen that day in particular to wear it. Laurent’s reply had involved Kastor, and his father, and other things time has mercifully erased from Damen’s memory. Laurent’s reply had left Damen locked in the bathroom, taking deep breaths in front of the mirror.

i feel like this quote is a good choice because it shows three things that are KEY to understanding their pre-break up dynamic. 1. their absolute lack of communication and vulnerability (NOT saying omg abuse victims have to tell their partners EVERY LITTLE THING they ever went through) 2. how laurent misinterprets damen's intentions and damen misinterprets laurent's anger. 3. laurent's abuse and the consequences of it: he says something that hurts damen, and that is not okay, and at no point does the fic say that's FINE.

3. If not, what evidence do we have that HIUH Laurent can and will stop engaging in abusive behaviors?

i think your reply to this questions explained it all PERFECTLY. laurent is capable of having healthy relationships with other people. laurent is trying time and time again. laurent apologizes. laurent is worried that even though he has tried to change, that he has tried to be better, maybe he's not better at all. he worries and talks about with ancel in the scene you quoted. he has a conscience. he feels bad when he hurts damen and tries NOT TO DO IT!!! he tries not to engage in abusive behaviors as the fic unravels. does he always succeed? no! he does call damen stupid on separate occassions and i believe i don't need to explain WHY he goes back to that behavior. it's not easy to stop doing something you've always done to protect yourself.

4. If HIUH Laurent stops engaging in abusive behaviors, what reasons, if any, does HIUH Damen have to return to the relationship despite past abuse?

100% agree with EVERYTHING you said. there are so many wrong reasons for them to get back together. so many people are rooting against them getting back together, too! (neo at times and nikandros always). they try and fail BECAUSE they are not honest and keep trying to cut to the nice, happy bits without actually doing the hard, grinding work that it takes to build something new and better.

damen knows laurent and he sees the change in him. he acknowledges them. he loves laurent not just because of love bombing, not because laurent gaslit him into a relationship, not because laurent's hot and blonde and who cares if he's mean, then? no!!!!!! NO!!!!! he loves laurent for the person he KNOWS laurent is, but also for the person he knows laurent CAN BE. love expands your vision. love lets you see the future. he sees laurent in ways so many others don't and that is what drags him back time and time again. like in the trilogy, the traits damen loves in laurent have to do with his loyalty, his sense of duty, his endurance, his patience.

people who read this fic and expected a black and white experience are going to be terribly disappointed. if you read the story and came out of it thinking i condone abuse, that i think you can change your partner out of being abusive with the power of love... you're not getting it. these abusive behaviors are so specific and circumstancial that you can't read them and think "oh, she's talking about all the wife beating men out there!!!" . . . obviously i'm not. i'm not talking about narc partners. i'm not talking about people who actively enjoy being cruel and making the people in their lives suffer. you have to know this, or maybe your reading comprehension skills are not there yet. or maybe i'm bad at writing, which is also a possibility.

this issue is very personal and interesting to me. how can you condemn a narrative that shows you growth and change are possible, if not the ONLY ways out of suffering? how can you think no one is ever allowed to change? have YOU never made mistakes? are you naive enough to think there isn't someone out there whom you've hurt so profoundly (even without meaning to, even with all your excuses and justifications) that when asked about you goes on a mental rant of how YOU exhibited these abusive traits? is punitive justice the only thing that interests you?

A. Is an HIUH Laurent who harms Damen through abusive behavior mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

you said it perfectly and i'll just sum it up with girl he had damen whipped. get out of here.

B. Is an HIUH Damen who chooses to be with Laurent despite past abuse mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

exactly. isn't this what LITERALLY HAPPENS IN THE BOOKS? damen forgives him. DAMEN FORGIVES HIM. damen understands. LAURENT FORGIVES HIM TOO. HAVE NONE OF Y'ALL READ THE FUCKING BOOKS AJBKSFBDSBKJB

once again super sorry for the late reply but this post is PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for taking the time to read my stuff and write posts like this. it def makes me feel better about spending the last three years of my life on this project lol.

The questions of Laurent’s being and behavior…

I have been informed, via @thickenmyblood’s asks (since mine were apparently not set to accept anonymous asks – which I have now changed) that my opinion about HIUH Laurent’s character is incorrect. I have been informed that he’s abusive.

My PhD isn’t in English (though it is in the humanities), but my wife was an English major and she has often told me that interpretations aren’t right or wrong, but they are stronger or weaker in the sense that they are supported by the text.

So, let’s go…

First things first. Let me be clear about the following:

The question of whether or not Laurent is abusive in this piece of fanfiction has no bearing whatsoever on whether any person you know in real life is abusive.

Similarly, any arguments that Laurent can change or that Laurent deserves a second chance have no bearing whatsoever on whether any person you know in real life can change or deserves a second chance.

Neither HIUH nor any fic should be taken as a life advice manual. Just because there are therapists in this fic does not mean that @thickenmyblood is a mental health professional or your therapist.

I am also not a therapist, nor am I trying to give you life advice when I speak of my enjoyment of HIUH.

But if I were to give you life advice, it would be this: If a piece of fanfiction makes you so angry that you feel the need to send abusive anonymous comments to the author and/or ask that author to pass on your comment “correcting” the opinion of a reader writing about that story, you should probably stop reading that fic. It is clearly not good for you. Metaphorically speaking, you are in an abusive relationship with that fic and you should end it. Write the story off and move on.

Okay, that said, the question of whether Laurent is abusive in HIUH is probably more of a series of questions:

Has HIUH Laurent engaged in abusive behaviors?

If so, do those abusive behaviors necessarily indicate that he is and will always be an abuser?

If not, what evidence do we have that HIUH Laurent can and will stop engaging in abusive behaviors?

If HIUH Laurent stops engaging in abusive behaviors, what reasons, if any, does HIUH Damen have to return to the relationship despite past abuse?

BONUS:

A. Is an HIUH Laurent who harms Damen through abusive behavior mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

B. Is an HIUH Damen who chooses to be with Laurent despite past abuse mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

1. Has Laurent engaged in abusive behaviors?

Yes. Although we are limited by a potentially unreliable narrator (Damen), who does not believe Laurent is abusive, we are clearly and intentionally both told and shown in the text that Laurent has engaged in abusive behavior. We are told when Neo explains as much to a skeptical Damen:

“Then you must know I’m only trying to get a feeling on how educated you are on the subject of abuse between romantic partners.” “But why ? I just told you Laurent and I never—” “Do you know what emotional abuse looks like, Damen?” “Yes.” “Give me a definition.” It’s hot in the room, all of the sudden. “It’s… making someone. Feel bad.” “It’s consistent and repeated humiliation,” Neo says. “Gaslighting. Manipulation. Verbal abuse can sometimes overlap with this. Have you ever experienced this while in your relationship with Laurent?” “We weren’t abusive.” “Did you insult each other?” “No,” Damen says. It was so long ago, it was a lifetime back. He can’t remember. “It’s—not like that. Humiliation? We never—” “You’ve said that sometimes Laurent made you feel as though the things you were feeling were inadequate.” You’re being a fucking idiot, Laurent had said about the pink sweatshirt. “What if he was right?”  “It’s never right to invalidate your partner’s feelings.” “We weren’t abusive.” “Damen,” Neo says, the soft caress before a blow. “What if we think about it from—” “There’s nothing to think about. I’m telling you, it wasn’t like that. How the fuck did you get to that conclusion? Because I complained about us arguing?” Neo ruffles his notes. “Contempt. Shame. Hurt. That’s what abusers thrive on. There’s quite a lot of those things in here.” “Laurent’s not an abuser,” Damen snaps. “Maybe not, but he grew up with one, didn’t he? These are learned traits.” Damen folds forward as though to vomit. That’s—He’s made a mistake. They argued, they yelled, they said things they didn’t mean, but they never hit each other or threw cutlery at each other’s heads. They went to bed angry, and Damen slept on the couch, and there would be rolling eyes and huffs and annoyance in the following days, but that’s not—Laurent is not— You’re sweet, Damen had said, hand to Laurent’s cheek. A sweetheart. He remembers meaning it, remembers Laurent not liking it. He also remembers Laurent’s sweetness, scarcer in the end and cloying in the beginning. Breakfast in bed, letting Damen pick what show to watch, giving up half his trail mix bag because he knew Damen liked the dried fruit pieces most. You’ll do great, you always do great. A protein shake prepped and ready to go, peace and quiet the nights before important court days. But also bigger things, biggest things. There was—and sharing a bed, and curling up under Damen to read, and letting Damen carry Nicaise up the stairs, and holding his hand under the table as firm functions, and kissing just to kiss, just because, just— He’s explained Laurent wrong.

And we are shown in the moments when Damen and Laurent talk and Damen expects a belittling response from Laurent:

“There are,” Laurent starts, stops. Starts again, “I didn’t.” He has both elbows on the table, which he used to despise. Tables are for cutlery and food, not limbs. Something about the way he rubs at the skin under his eyes makes Damen’s stomach cower as if expecting a blow. “Agnes recommended it months before you—came back. It wasn’t my idea.”

“I met him?” For once, Laurent doesn’t mock him for his question. “It was at that school play I couldn’t go to. The one Nicaise got that huge part in.”

“I want to know when the twenty-four hours are up,” Damen says, loudly, too loudly, “so we can go to the police station and report him missing. For fuck’s sake, Laurent, will you stop ? He could be seriously hurt, and you’re sitting here, berating me about the way I phrased a question. Do you even give a shit about him? Do you even—” He cuts himself off when he sees Laurent’s expression. Like he did last time with Nicaise, Damen braces himself for what’s to come, goes over the list of things Laurent can hurl at him, tries to minimize the inevitable damage. The comment will be about Nikandros, about his soft childhood in Ios, about the time he tried to discipline Nicaise by himself and ended up covered in vomit.   Nothing happens. There’s only Laurent, turning his face to the side so Damen can’t stare at it any longer. In the silence of the car, Laurent’s breathing shakes.

“Is his name really Dog?” Laurent says, sitting down next to Damen. Between them, the two cups of coffee and the small pile of croissants both steam. “I didn’t believe Nicaise when he told me.” “I,” Damen starts, lie ready on his tongue, and stops. It’s very meta. “I’m not good with names.” Laurent picks up his coffee instead of agreeing with Damen. Instead of mocking. The space between their bodies is comfortable enough—they’re not touching, not even their knees or thighs. They’re not looking at each other either, not with the entire park stretching green and busy in front of them.

2. If so, do those abusive behaviors necessarily indicate that he is and will always be an abuser?

I take this to be one of the major points of contention on the part of the angry readers. As you can probably guess, I don’t think the text suggests that Laurent in inherently abusive. Besides the stuff coming in my answer to question 3, we have several reasons to believe that Laurent’s abusive behavior is the product of particular circumstances rather than a generalized personality dysfunction.

We know, and Neo just reminded us above, that abusive behaviors are learned behaviors. We know Laurent was abused in multiple ways before he was able to leave his uncle’s house. We know that he is still very young and that it has not been that long since his uncle’s trial. We know he has not been comfortable talking to Damen about his abuse, which gives us reason to believe he still experiences a great deal of shame. That shame is hinted at here:

“He respects you,” Laurent says before Damen has made up his mind about the yelling. “He looks at you and sees a standard to meet. Normalcy. It’s hard to disappoint people you respect. Especially people like you.” “Like me.” “You do things your way. Everyone else does them wrong.” “That’s,” Damen starts. The absolute inaccuracy of the phrase leaves him hanging. “What the fuck?” Laurent ignores him. “He doesn’t respect me, and he also knows I have no room to judge. It’s different. We’re—it’s just different.”

We also know that Laurent is specifically and intentionally not abusive toward Nicaise. We have seen that he has been absorbing a ton of anger, vilification, derision, denigration from Nicaise almost entirely without complaint and without lashing out at Nicaise in return. In fact, after the breaking of the paperweight, when Laurent feels that he might not be able to avoid reacting in a way he will regret, he calls Damen to safely remove Nicaise from the situation. Having taken the lock off Nicaise’s door for reasons many parents would no doubt consider justified, he realizes it was a mistake:

Damen doesn’t look down at the twisted little bolts on the floor. “Actually, you should watch this part in case you ever want to dismantle it again.” “I won’t.” Damen rubs his sleeve over a weird spot on the knob. “You’re betting a lot on Nicaise’s hypothetical good behavior.” “It was dumb, taking the lock away as punishment. I…” Laurent’s thumb glides over the edge of the glass. It traces a full circle before stopping and going white, digging in. His jaw twitches like he’s munching on something. “Privacy shouldn’t be a reward.” “Wasn’t this about safety? He locked himself in, wouldn’t come out or reply when you called…” Laurent’s reply is slow to come. After a while, Damen stops expecting it to come at all. He goes back to testing the lock—twice, waiting for that click sound—opens the door, closes it, and rattles the knob a bit. Just to be sure. “My uncle made it about safety too,” Laurent says. “Locks on doors were for adults. Not children.” The lonely ice cube in his glass floats around aimlessly, not quite touching its confines. “The first to go were the bedroom locks. What if there’s a fire and you can’t get out? What if someone breaks in through the window and—well.” Laurent smiles, small and ugly. “That kind of thing. You know.”

He ensures that Nicaise sees a therapist, meets with that therapist regularly, and follows professional advice about putting Nicaise on medication.

Laurent also maintains a strong friendship with Ancel, whose judgment the text has taught us to trust, through Damen’s evolving relationship with him. Laurent is capable of non-abusive, non-superficial relationships.

3. If not, what evidence do we have that HIUH Laurent can and will stop engaging in abusive behaviors?

From the moment we see Laurent interact with Damen in the present of this story, he is trying to treat Damen better. Not because he thinks he can get back together with Damen, but because he realizes he needs to make a relationship with Damen possible for Nicaise. We have already seen above that most of the time when Damen expects Laurent’s ridicule in this story, he does not actually receive it. In very stressful conversations, when Laurent does lash out, he now tends to pull back or even to acknowledge and apologize:

Coffee. Damen takes two long sips, trying to rinse the bad taste out of his mouth. They’ve had arguments in public before, probably louder than this one. For some reason, the thought isn’t as comforting as Damen would have once found it. They broke up to be better than they were together, didn’t they? They should be better. Except this doesn’t feel better. Or different. Laurent says, “That was out of line.” Now, cooled off, Damen feels clammy. Wobbly. He knows Laurent is right, and yet the thought of sitting through a reprimand makes him want to melt away. “It was.” “I—apologize.” Damen looks up from his coffee to Laurent’s profile. He’s facing the wrong way, Damen thinks stupidly, because the window is to their left. “You apologize.” Half a question. “Go ahead,” Laurent says. “Rub it in.” Damen doesn’t want to. Nausea is curling around him, closing in. “I was out of line too, so.”

And we know now that Laurent has thought through some of his past behaviors toward Damen:

“I was angry at you,” Laurent says, “all the time. Sometimes it was justified, but when it wasn’t I just—I found ways to justify it. That wasn’t fair. Of me.” Damen’s palm is numb around the glass. “Why were you angry?” “Nicaise.” “Justified,” Damen says. “And the rest of it?” Laurent is facing him again. “Paschal says I have a tendency to expect the worst from everyone. Especially you. You’d make comments, and I’d think you were being cruel instead of…” “Instead of what? Ignorant?” Laurent doesn’t reply. “That makes no sense,” Damen says. “We never argued about me being fucking sadistic. We argued about you acting like some things were obvious and I was simply too much of an idiot to get them.” “I never thought you were an idiot.” “You said it often enough.” “I’m—sorry,” Laurent says. “It doesn’t change anything, but—even if you had been the biggest idiot in the world, you didn’t deserve…” A blinking spree follows. “I’m sorry.”

We know that Laurent is still in therapy, and we know that he has been talking about his relationship with Damen there because Paschal has suggested couples counseling for them. And Laurent has invited Damen to do that couples counseling, showing that he wants them to build a better foundation for their relationship  going forward.

4. If HIUH Laurent stops engaging in abusive behaviors, what reasons, if any, does HIUH Damen have to return to the relationship despite past abuse?

Damen is deeply in love with Laurent. At the beginning of the story, he is in denial about this fact, but the uncontrollable flow of his thoughts still shows us how much he feels the loss of their relationship. Once he and Laurent are speaking again, seeing improvements in their communication, and experiencing moments of comfort and fun in their interactions – and once Laurent has broken up with Maxime – Damen admits to himself that he wants to be back together. Neo, as usual, prompts the self-recognition:

“I’m asking you to think about what life might look like in two years,” Neo says, “for you and Laurent. Time does not only pass for you, Damen.” A smile, crinkling the corners of Neo’s eyes. “That’d be ideal, wouldn’t it?”  Two years. Damen sits with the question for a while, looking at it, prodding it. In two years, Nicaise will have gone away to college. Maybe Laurent will move, relocate, start over somewhere closer to Vask. He’ll post about his new life on Instagram, or details of it will make it to Damen as second-hand gossip. They could still be friends, over text or the phone or fucking letters, Damen thinks, yet there’s something bitter in the back of his throat, filling up his mouth like vomit. Maybe Laurent will date again. Probably. Most likely. And Damen— When he looks up from the armrest, Neo is looking straight back.  Damen can’t say it. Earlier today, as he typed his last email of the day at the office, he kept drafting a plan for today’s session. He’d explain his argument with Laurent, then the party at Ancel’s, then the way he keeps looking at Laurent in all the wrong lights, in all the wrong ways, and still finds himself wanting to kiss him. Neo would make a disapproving face, maybe, but it would be easy to brush off; anyone that doesn’t know Laurent would find it hard to understand how easy it is to want to kiss him. Except that isn’t all Damen wants. What Damen wants isn’t a settling of the score, a cleaning of the slate. He doesn’t want to do it once for old times’ sake, or twice out of gluttony. He doesn’t want to make any long-distance phone calls, write any letters, see any pictures on Instagram of Laurent and someone that isn’t him. He doesn’t want things to stay like this, in this careful antiseptic stage. He doesn’t want them to be friends. “It’s not what I want,” Damen says, at last. Neo leans back into his chair. He rolls his wrist once. “You think it’s what I should want, right? Letting go and all.” “I wouldn’t say that,” Neo says. “Should and shouldn’t are very loaded words. It also doesn’t matter what I think you should or shouldn’t do, in general. What is it that you want, since we’ve already established what it is that you don’t?” Don’t make me say it out loud. “I want,” Damen starts, and stops. The words look so stupid, jumbled inside his head. I want him back, like Laurent is a toy someone took away and won’t return. Like Damen is a child, begging. Don’t make me say it.   Seconds trickle by, piling into a minute. Then two. “Do you want to be in a relationship with Laurent again?” “I thought I already was,” Damen says. “A friendship is a kind of relationship. You said that.” Neo closes his eyes, keeps them like that for a while. “I did, yes. Let me rephrase that—do you want to be in a romantic relationship with Laurent? Again?” There is no loophole this time, no two-meaning word Damen can latch onto. The truth sits heavy in him, not on his chest but somewhere deeper, inside a little crevice between some (probably important) organs. Saying no would be lying, saying yes would be diminishing.  “I want things to be good,” Damen says. “That’s all.”

And in chapter 19, Damen is brutally honest with himself about how, even after everything, he still wants Laurent:

“You meet new people,” Neo says. “You go on dates, make new friends, find new interests. Despite what you might think right now, Laurent isn’t your only option. Dare I say, Laurent might not even be your best option.” The room is dark, darker than it was when the phone call started, but Damen’s eyes hurt like he’s been staring at a ball of light for too long. Everything hurts in a strange, modest way. A throb here, faint. An ache there, heatless.  “I don’t want other options,” Damen says. “Well.” “How fucked up is that?” “Pretty fucked up,” Neo says. It makes Damen stop blinking. “Luckily, you’re already doing therapy. It’s only bound to get less complicated from here on. Or more, depending on how you look at it.” “I don’t even wanna look at it, to be honest.” “Then don’t. Take time off, let things cool down, think about what’s been said… No one is asking you to choose right this second.” It’s not that anyone is asking. It’s that it feels like he’s already made his choice. 

“You didn’t tell me,” Damen says before he can think not to. “Tell you what?” “How bad it was.” Laurent’s thumb traces the t in team. It’s a bit crooked, even from Damen’s perspective. “It was pretty bad,” he says, slowly, “before you came back. Things were better once he started seeing you again.” “You call that better?” “Yes,” Laurent says.  I would have come back, Damen thinks, if you’d told me. Except it’s not true; he would have come back for much less. He’s here now, sitting across from Laurent in this mediocre coffee shop, talking things out, making an effort, thinking of reaching out to finally, finally, hold Laurent’s hand.  It’s strange, looking at Laurent and knowing he’s the only other person on earth that feels the same way he does. Where else would Damen go? Who else would he talk to? No one will ever get it, not the way Laurent does. And Laurent knows it. He must, or else he would not be sitting here either. There is only this, Damen thinks. At least for him, there will only ever be this.

So there is that. Damen is hopelessly devoted to Laurent. But that doesn’t make getting back together with him a good decision. Love would not be a good reason to return to an abusive relationship.

Another NOT good reason would be Damen believing the fact that he made mistakes cancels out Laurent’s harmful behavior. The text makes that explicitly clear through Neo:

Neo’s pen hops; a period appears at the end of a sentence. “Apologies can be hard to navigate. It’s sort of like… You’ve wronged me, and you know that you’ve wronged me, and now you’re apologizing for it while expecting me to forgive you. It’s quite a lot to put on a person.” “There are degrees to wrong,” Damen says. His chair feels smaller, like it’s locking him in instead of holding him up. The armrests keep getting in the way of his elbows. “And it’s not like I didn’t have stuff I had to apologize for too. I don’t get why you’re trying to make this seem like a bad thing.” “I’m not.” “Then why—” “Do you think you deserved an apology from Laurent?” Damen leans back and back and back, until his shoulder blades find something solid. Did he deserve…? He’d wanted one, once. In Nikandros’s guest room, with only beige and white and terracotta everything around him, he’d had staring matches with his own phone. He’d thought Laurent might call, at the very beginning. Apologizing. Begging. But Laurent never did. “Yeah,” Damen says.  Neo’s head begins to tilt. “You don’t sound too sure about that.” “I am sure.” “All right,” Neo says. “Why do you deserve an apology?” “I told you already. He treated me like I was an idiot.” “How?” “How—what?” “How exactly did he treat you like you were an idiot? What were his actions towards you?” “I,” Damen starts, but something in Neo’s face makes him pause. “He’d say things when we argued.” “Such as?” “That I was an asshole.” Neo nods. “And how did you feel when you heard him say that? Did you feel like it was fair?” “I felt like he was an asshole,” Damen says. “Sometimes.” “Whereas now you feel like he was right?” He was right about Nicaise. And maybe about Ancel, too. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” “I don’t want you to say anything,” Neo says. “I’m just trying to get you to think about things from a different perspective. Laurent apologized, which is an important—not to say crucial—step in rebuilding any kind of relationship. But it seems to me that you’re holding onto this newly found belief that because you acted a certain way, because you made mistakes, you somehow deserved the way he treated you throughout the last stages of your relationship.” “That’s not what I think,” Damen says.  “All right. Then you think you deserved the apology because the way he treated you was wrong.” “Yes. But…” “But…?” Damen’s face feels hot, the heat lodged right over his molars. “Doesn’t it kind of cancel out? Like, we both fucked up.” “Those are two different issues,” Neo says. “So no, they don’t cancel out. What he did to you and what you did to him are obviously connected, but someone doing something wrong or bad is not an excuse to do the wrong or bad thing back to them.” Neo gives his pen a tap. “Or it does, I suppose. It depends on your belief system. But you don’t strike me as an ‘eye for an eye’ fan.” I don’t want any eyes, Damen thinks. 

I interpret the failed second try (or second strike) of Damen and Laurent’s relationship to have been somewhat based on the “cancel out” reasoning from above. The “cancel out” and move past approach  did not work because they failed to address the many insecurities, communication failures, and problematic patterns that plagued the first time around. A discussion with Neo (again) makes this clear. Damen hasn’t yet learned to listen to what Laurent is saying without letting his insecurities and anger get in the way:

But Damen isn’t in Laurent’s position. You’ll never get it, Laurent had said about Nicaise. Maybe it’s true. “I get why he did it. I’ve been thinking, and it’s not—I get it. Nicaise being embarrassed, wanting Laurent in the room because he was the least angry of—” “I don’t think that’s why,” Neo says. “Or at least, that’s not what you’ve just told me Laurent said about the whole thing.” “What?” “Laurent talked extensively about roles. Did you notice that?” “No.” “He presents himself as the scapegoat for Nicaise’s anger, while you’re the one Nicaise admires and wants to impress.” Tap, tap, tap. Damen imagines Neo’s fingers flying across the keyboard. “It seems to me Nicaise wasn’t concerned about the different intensity levels of your—as in, yours and Laurent’s—anger. He knew you were both angry.” “Laurent was better at handling it.” “Was he?” “I couldn’t stop thinking about the guy,” Damen says. Guys, his brain supplies, helpful as ever. “I still can’t. Even now, I know it’s not—that’s not important. I was yelling at Nicaise. I wasn’t listening.” “And that’s why Nicaise didn’t want you to go with him to the clinic?” Damen closes his eyes. He needs to repaint his ceiling, do something about the lack of texture there.  “Laurent said something about abandonment,” Neo tries. A nudge. “You’ve mentioned Nicaise doesn’t do well with change, that he’s got a tendency to latch onto routines and people. Do you think it might be possible that he was trying to preserve the relationship he has with you?” “By keeping me out of a medical examination room.” “Yes.” “That’s what Laurent said.” “Well,” Neo says. “It sounds plausible.”

Damen wanted magically for them to be over their past:

“Right,” Damen says. “You don’t do should and shouldn’t. I forgot.” “Are you upset?” Are you angry with me? “I don’t know,” Damen says. “We were supposed to be past this, and now it’s out there and I can’t—we can’t—” “How were you supposed to be past this, if this had never been discussed before today?” “You said it’s impossible to discuss everything.”

So, I don’t think it’s a strong interpretation of the text to say that @thickenmyblood is trying to present Damen in an unfairly negative light in order to excuse Laurent’s much worse behavior and thereby make it okay for them to get back together. Cancelling out isn’t what the HEA of the story is set up to be about.

That said – and given the fact that Damen is still in love with Laurent – what GOOD reasons might Damen have to try the relationship again?

For one, he is beginning to understand better what the fights with Laurent about Nicaise were about. Moreover, they have now explicitly acknowledged that they are co-parenting Nicaise and Laurent has expressed a clear commitment to them parenting Nicaise as a team.

For another, Damen has a much improved understanding of the role of therapy and the complexities of mental health. He has a long ways to go on this front, but I don’t think we’ll see him dismissing or belittling Laurent’s mental health needs. Moreover, Damen has ways of addressing his own mental health needs and talking things through with a person who doesn’t share his triggers and emotional investments around Laurent.

For a third, he has made a commitment to working through their issues in therapy and has concluded that he trusts Laurent to try just as hard as he will to repair and strengthen their relationship.

Crucially, Damen has also learned to stand up for himself when he feels Laurent is implying that he is incapable of understanding things. This means he can point it out and Laurent can recognize when he is retreating into a defensive, harmful pattern. This also allows Damen to indicate that something isn’t obvious to him and to ask Laurent to explain it kindly and clearly. I think that is the only way they can reconcile their very different life histories and relationships to social normativity.

ONCE AGAIN, believing this about HIUH Damen relative to HIUH Laurent does not mean that I believe this is something all (or even very many) real life people who were previously in unhealthy relationships should aim for or could achieve.  

Which brings us to our bonus questions:

A. Is an HIUH Laurent who harms Damen through abusive behavior mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

No, in fact, this is not a mischaracterization. Laurent abused Damen in canon. He took him as a slave. He sought Damen’s public humiliation. He had Damen whipped to an extent that would have killed most other people. He placed Damen in a situation that (for almost any other person) would have resulted in a violent public rape. He also forced Damen to engage in public and non-consensual oral sex. Later, when he understood Damen more emotionally and was feeling insecure or threatened, he lied about his feelings and motivations out of shame and self-hatred and with the aim of hurting Damen enough to drive him away.

B. Is an HIUH Damen who chooses to be with Laurent despite past abuse mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

Damen fell in love with Laurent after all that abuse because he came to understand its source and because he saw other sides of Laurent that were caring and honorable and expressed a commitment to achieving justice, even if not by fully honest means. He came to understand Laurent as a survivor, even before he became aware of what exactly Laurent had survived. He stuck with Laurent through all of Laurent’s attempts to push him away and fought for what should have been an impossible relationship. And throughout this process, he learned about his own naivete and to question key elements of his upbringing, like the quest for war glory and the belief that “perfect treatment” justified slavery.

Captive Prince is a seductive and enthralling trilogy. And we willingly suspend any disbelief about whether Laurent’s trauma can truly be overcome simply by Damen’s noble nature and magical healing cock.

Why not do the same for HIUH? (Or, you know, just stop reading it.)

Although I do think Maca may owe us some healing cock. Just sayin’.

[kroosluvr]

yay!!!!!!!

typo that im too lazy to fix: on the last page, "kasumi was one of the best gymnasts [in japan]"

edit: BRO I IDDNT REALIZE AKIRA ND SUMIRE WERE SHARING A SPOON TO EAT THE CURRY AM I INSANEEEEE <- She literally drew this image

1st 2 pics are genderbent akira+goro as well as sumire, 3rd pic is canon akira and sumire

in my head m!sumire is dedicated to rhythmic gymnastics, but the fact that it's not a popular sport somehow causes a mental block for him: kasumi was a trailblazer in men's rhythmic gymnastics. he was setting the course, but now he's gone. so does sumire live up to that? does he have to fill his brother's shoes? or can he just strive to be the best rhythmic gymnast he himself can be?

he was always solemn and driven growing up, but after the accident, he drove himself further into his practices and routines in an attempt to "recapture the spark" that kasumi had. of course, this is mostly in vain... chasing his shadow doesn't get him anywhere

he slowly develops the cognition of "sumire" being "kasumi's replacement." the younger brother that stepped up to the plate. to attend to his anxiety/depression he goes to dr. maruki (i'd say this takes longer than in canon, because he was always so busy with practice that he didn't really. comprehend 'oh perhaps i need counseling after my brother died' LMAO. and even then it's more "ok im gonna start competing internationally, so i need to make sure my mental is in tiptop shape"

he starts to reveal his insecurities to dr. maruki who. yknow. does all that. i don't think this sumire would specifically say "i wish i was kasumi" but more "i want to continue his legacy the way only he could have done it" which dr. maruki himself takes as "ok so u want to literally be kasumi"

i'd also say his "transformation" into "kasumi" is more jarring than in canon? canon "kasumi" is polite, eager, cheerful and sunny, but i imagine m!"kasumi" to be more boisterous, more outwardly outgoing/extroverted/outspoken, a little bit of a daredevil

on top of that, i think (perhaps) since men's rhythmic gymnastics isn't super popular, maybe not many ppl have heard of "kasumi yoshizawa" to begin with? so maybe ppl accept him as "kasumi" a little easier, which is. um. bad LOL

not sure if this helps his gymnastics at all. i thinkkk it does give him the confidence to execute more complicated routines that sumire himself didn't have the self-confidence to try before. but, of course, this doesn't affect anything in the rhythmic gymnastics world since. erm. everyone knows kasumi died. awkward!!!!

i think the shame would be all-encompassing when he breaks out of the delusion. he never wanted this.... all he wants is to keep competing with his brother, to keep supporting him into the limelight, and he'll never have that again. so i think, like canon, his arc is learning how to support and uplift Himself -- but more like, become more self-sufficient in terms of his own gymnastics instead of always seeing himself as second place to kasumi (and being okay with that)

it's different than canon as kasumi always told sumire they'd take the world stage... TOGETHER! ->

while i think for m!kasumi and m!sumire they worked in tandem, it was never really a dream. kasumi simply decided "i want to do this" and so did sumire. the thing is, kasumi's skills just far outweighed sumire's, and that much was painfully clear to him. kasumi was one who could bring men's rhythmic gymnastics into the international lens, and sumire has no idea if he could ever be strong enough to do that.

there's an interesting sort of dissonance here....... like. big fish small pond (genderbend au) or small fish big pond (canonverse.) i think its interesting.. okay enough rambles from me its 4am sdjsdjfh

edit: last thing i think. in canon it’s heavily implied that kasumi took the reins and pushed sumire to do stuff / pick out clothes for them both / kinda set the stage for both of them but i think in gb au sumire just follows kasumi as a result of kasumi being such a bright light. sumire has ambitions the same way kasumi does but he lacks the self-esteem to back it up…. it’s similar in canon but not 1:1 if that makes sense? i think in canon sumire is still questioning if it’s even her dream to compete in gymnastics so that’s the main diff

[wonton4rang]

Pleasee do firsts with Leehan <333

HIII <33 OMW!!

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i love u 3000 ¡!

pairing: leehan x reader.

warnings: +18, smut, fluff, some angst maybe, kissing.

summary: short scenarios of firsts with leehan.

note: this is a series, you can see the members that are done here. <3 pd. i didn't check this so if it has any typos, please lmk and i'll correct them asap !!

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first time he realises he's in love; i have two sides for him, i feel like he would either know right away that he likes you, noticing how his heart pounded faster when you were around, how he got nervous each time you looked at him even though he tried to play it cool, how he would look for you in a crowd unconsciously, or he would just don't realise at all, everyone knows he would literally kill for you but he keeps thinking he just really likes you... as a friend. but i think he would realise he's in love w u with something random, like he would give you his gummies or simply ditch an afternoon with his fishtank to be with you. only then opening his eyes wide and covering his mouth with surprise before saying "oh my god, i think i like her" yes, leehan, you like her.

how would he confess; tbh i feel like he wouldn't make a big fuss about it. he would buy you something he knows you like, a chain, a keyring, anything material that can last (not flowers or chocolates) so it can be a token of the confession he made to you, whether you accept his feelings or not. he would call you over to his place or probably to a park or a place where there was just the two of you, he would go straight to the point, smiling with his eyes first before saying a soft "i really like you, can you give me a chance to be your company?" his hands were shaking when he showed you the prettiest keyring you've ever seen and how could you say no? you also liked him very much !! a soft kiss on the cheek sealed the contract.

officially dating w leehan; i feel like it would be the most normal yet abnormal thing ever. like he would be so chill, just cuddling you on the couch while watching something on the tv and then he would suddenly look at you a say "what if we went hiking? i think the weather is nice for it!!" and you would just roll your eyes and laugh a little bit before saying "it's 93F outside, baby, we would roast to death". he would be the type to always have his hands on you, it could be holding your waist, playing with your hair, just resting on your thigh or even around your shoulders or playing with your fingers, but he would always find a way of having physical contact with you. he would rather have food delivered to your place and eat while talking about each other's days instead of cooking because you both were tired.

first kiss; there are so many ways this could happen but being honest...? i feel like he wouldn't directly try to kiss you first because he didn't want to make you feel pressured so he just kept certain distance. the problem was that he got so used to keeping his distance that he didn't notice when you finally were ready, basically ignoring all your tries to initiate the kiss you've been longing for a few days. it gets to a point were he finally notices because you pout after he kissed your cheek and he goes like "what's wrong, y/n? didn't like that one?" and when you nodded with your head to confirm his words, he laughed a bit before giving you a small peck in the lips, that being your first kiss with him since you guys started dating about a month ago. and it didn't end there, because when he saw your cheeks flushed with that pink blush, he couldn't help it but kiss you again, this time properly, taking his time to kiss you goodnight.

first time he wanted to do more than just a peck; kisses with leehan were never pecks, it was an actual kiss, lips moving at a pace and sometimes your tongues met too, but that was it, you guys never really made out or touched each other up like animals. well, that until today because when leehan felt your back against his crotch he felt like he was going crazy, you were cuddling together on your bed, ready to sleep, but leehan would start to hold your thighs, pressing on the skin before softly kissing your neck and get close enough to your ear to whisper "i want to kiss you, baby" and tbh you could feel the boner against your body, your pussy clenching when you finally turned to face him and he took you in for the most explicit kiss ever. tongues tangled, saliva being shared and you humping him while he softly grinded against you. after you both got off, Morfeo held you both on his arms until the next day.

first time meeting your family; from what i know about leehan i think he wouldn't be too nervous about it. i feel like he would want to make a good first impression so he would ask you about your parents likings, he would ask you if they liked fishes or gummies, or basically anything he liked so he could bring it up. he would try to help cooking but would end up getting a cooking class by your dad that made them bond more than you would think!! he would be himself all the time, maybe not that loud but definitely not hiding his true self because even if he wanted to, it would be too difficult. i can see him saying "next time i come here will be with our wedding invitation" your parents would just laugh and you would try to pull him away before he finished it off with a "and i plan my next visit to be very soon!!" even though you were ashamed, all you could do was laugh. your parents loved him, in fact, he would go to their place to just chat or have a meal because he loved your dad's cooking skills !!

first time w leehan; the only thing that comes to my mind when i think of this is the word "comfortable". like i feel that everything would be so lovely and warm, his smile making your heart feel soft and your nerves go away, his fingers would lovingly trace your lines, playing with your hair while he kissed you with so much care you actually felt gone for a second. he would prepare you so good, his fingers fucking your wet cunt to make sure you are ready to take his cock before he actually goes in, kissing your pussy and leaving a long lick there before going back to your mouth and place and open kiss there "can i go in?" he would ask and after you said yes he pushed in slowly, going all the way in and the tracing it back. the way he fucked you, so deep and nicely, it felt so personal, so romantic and yet so dirty, the way his hair got messy, his lips looking abused because you bite them so much, the explicit sounds of your wet pussy and his hard dick making you squirm under his touch before you finally came undone, he came too, almost right after you. he would look at you for a few seconds, his dick still deep inside your cunt, he would laugh and kiss your lips, laying besides you before saying "wanna go for a second round?" well damn.

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this is the keyring he would give u :(( you guys have matching ones and carry them everywhere with the little fishes and flowers oh my 😭😭🫶 even the "confession letter" and some butterflies, i need one of those asap.

[valentine-writes]

hii!! i was wondering if you could write headcanons for like the main four spider-kids (miles, gwen, pavitr and hobie) with a reader who like smacks people when they laugh really hard? preferably w/ a reader thats a spider-person but its up to you! :3

aggressive affection!

「 tws + notes: no tws, unedited, dude used once in a gender neutral way, mentions of bruising and minor injuries (but nothing crazy), spider-person reader, reader forgetting that being a spider-person makes them stronger,,, um. (°ー°〃) oops!!! 」

「 gn!reader, can be platonic or romantic <3 」

↳ ft. gwen stacy, hobie brown/spider-punk, miles morales, and pavitr prabhakar

author's note: YES I CAN YES I CAN!! this prompt iz so funny AUWWUDH I HOPE I DID IT JUSTICE!!! つ﹏⊂ also super excited 2 get to write more of them becuz AWUDGWAAHWGHWAGUAGH I LOVE THESE CHARACTERZ SMM,,, also excuse me if there's more repetition or typos than usual,,, im eepy ( つ᷄ ‸･ )

GWEN STACY headcanons

▸ the first one to fall victim to your little habit. she doesn't mind in the slightest, mainly because she's generally pretty welcome to friendly touches- even if it is slightly more aggressive than she had expected. frankly, you could've literally bitten her and she probably would've reacted the same.

she's a little awkward about it at first, pausing mid laughter as you deliver playful hits to her shoulder and bicep. she playfully shoves you away at first, like, "haha– what– what are you doing–" but quickly warms up to it

▸ here's the thing though. she 100% will do it back. if you're both joking around and losing it over something, you end up hitting each other through laughter. and it'll INTENSIFY. at some points, everyone's wondering if you two are actually beefing or not ur not. itz the way u show affection 2 one another,,, in the strangest manner

when you're assigned on missions with her, you usually end up chatting– and then you find something hilarious to giggle abt and everything goes off the rails

y'all will return to HQ bruised asf like "nah man the anomaly didn't even touch us."

jessica and miguel DEF pick up the fact y'all goof off and beat each other up before even locating the anomaly HWJEJNDNE

unfortunately– gwen is slowly paired less with you on missions becuz of this. they can't have you distracting one another a girl can never have fun fr </3

nothing that some good behaviour can't fix! just try not to give each other a complete smackdown while on duty and you'll be paired together again in no time! hopefully...

▸ both you and gwen forget that being spider-people involves super strength. and though you're both used to taking a blow or two, it stands plain and obvious that the two of you can get carried away. gwen especially. she's just a little rough sometimes– not like she means to be.

sometimes, the dull ache from the bruises she left leave you wondering if you're both a little too funny for your own good. at least she makes sure to take care of it and hold back,, when she can.

when it's your turn to get carried away, she sees your eyes widen as you splutter a million apologies to her. but every time you deliver one hit too hard, she insists it never hurts much as you think.

"dude, it's okay. you can chill out." gwen reassures. "besides, i'm built tougher than that."

she flashes a grin at you, and it's almost convincing. like she didn't even feel a thing. you know better though– gwen definitely has days where she's more sore than she'd like to be because of you. not like she'd ever admit. she likes the random play fights between the two of you.

though, you will admit that the amount of trips to the infirmary in search of ice packs is getting just the teeniest bit absurd. people are starting to ask questions at HQ-- which is fine. the frozen bag of peas gwen offers to you for your injuries works just as good as any ice pack ...it's been sitting in the bottom of her freezer for God Knows How Long but you don't need to know that

HOBIE BROWN headcanons:

▸ you see how this guy interacts with people???

hobie's used to friendly touches, and initiates physical contact without overthinking it. that little shoulder shake he does w/ miles makes me smile everytime i heart hobie. ALSO AAUWHEHWH LEBRON AND DWAYNE'S HANDSHAKE BEING HOBIE'S AND PAV'S?? I ADORE.

you really think something as little as a few friendly punches and hits bothers hobie "forehead-kissing-the-homies-goodnight" brown??? /lh + /hj but man platonic physical affection hobie. like. hear me on this one.

▸ he's 100% cool with it– actually initiated it before you did. nothing crazy, a light smack on your back or arm as he laughed with

eventually, while joking around with you, realized you had the same habit

you end up hitting each other quite a bit– but he's not as accidentally aggressive as gwen is. laughing with hobie won't get you hospitalized, he's cognizant enough with his strength to know how much to hold back.

▸ then again, there are times where you get carried away. hobie's quick to shake it off, not feeling the effect of the hit until later– if you notice and apologize, he'll just shake his head and shrug

"nah, nah– it's fine." he insists, chuckling a bit as he rubs the spot where you smacked him. "there's been worse."

and yes, objectively, you know that's true– but you both fight villains in your everyday life. of course there's going to be worse than just a hit too hard. he won't accept an ice pack– but will joke that you could just kiss it better instead

that earns a groan from you, smacking him again in the arm for good measure as he snickers

MILES MORALES headcanons:

▸ doesn't hate it!! not against it!!! find it surprising at first. he didn't expect a playful punch to his arm in response to his little joke, but watching as you giggled uncontrollably, hitting him lightly– he decided that he didn't mind too much

he knows you don't mean any harm, so it's cool with him! he's rolling with the punches literally every time you two are losing it

▸ if you land a smack on him that ends up being a little too hard, he'll definitely try to play it off awkwardly, rubbing it and nervously laughing when you ask if he's okay

"oh sh–" you promptly stop, your smile fading as concern floods your face. he winced slightly at your last hit and it was much to obvious to ignore. "you good, miles? i am so sorry–"

"me? yeah, yeah– it's cool!" he replies dismissively, giving you the lightest punch back. miles laughs nervously at your completely unconvinced expression.

"bro. cmon. be real."

"that? hah– nahh. barely felt it." spoilers!!! he felt it

you keep it in mind to dial it back a bit when with miles, because he barely hits back and hates admitting when it actually hurts.

you'll get an occasional "ow–" with a little chuckle, but he refuses to acknowledge that you might be a bit too rough. he jus doesn't wanna hurt feelings man :(

you're his friend who gets a little too carried away sometimes– and that's fine!!! besides, he can't let gwen and hobie have all the fun.

"you holding back on me?" he asks you, noticing your hits have gotten weaker.

"what's it to you?"

"i can handle it. 's fine!! really!" miles says. there's a beat of silence as you stare at him incredulously.

"and you didn't bruise last time?." you ask, raising an eyebrow.

"yeah."

"...say swear."

miles raises his hands, sighing. "ok, look–" HE WANTZ 2 ROUGHHOUSE W/ HIS FRIEND TOO OK (*ﾉε｀*) besides. u and gwen and hobie seem to have so much fun w/ it,,

▸ because of his stubbornness, you oblige, pulling your punches just a little less when having a little laughing fit with him.

as a result, miles develops a habit deflecting your hits while absolutely losing it. gently shoving your hands away as you smack him, both of you doubling over laughter

miles will say sumn he knows you'll find a lil too funny and just,,, *cue continuous hitting and blocking as he predicts literally Every Movement you make* he's literally learned to parry becuz of u HAJWBDKDNEN

PAVITR PRABHAKAR headcanons:

▸ the type to pretend to beat up his friends while making punching noises when he's bored

he's just lightly tapping u with his knuckles going "pow– pow pow– bam–" under his breath HANWJENDN IM SORRY I FIND THIS FUNNY. i also. do this. (｡･･｡).

and ur like "...uh. ok."

he's def not opposed to it!! when he has the energy, he's all for it!!! pavitr's playfully hitting, shoving you away, gasping for air as the two of you giggle over something that's only really funny to the two of you.

he's pretty energetic most of the time, and it manifests as you "brawl" with each other as you laugh over some stupid joke.

▸ when you hit him a little too hard, most of the time, he doesn't even notice until the aftermath manifests as a bruise or two on his arms– but even then he doesn't care.

however,,, there are occasions where he initiates it, laughing and smacking you– and when you're laughing with him, raising your hand to hit back, he'll gasp dramatically, recoil instantly and get all dramatic about it i'm projecting all the things i do onto pav i bet u cant tell /sarc

pav the minute you decide to try and get him back– bar for bar, word for word:

he's just a little guy,, a little guyy,,, nooo,,, itz also his birthday,, he's a little birthday boy– HWJWBDN SORRY THIS IS SO UNSERIOUS

this is a bit that he drags on FOREVERRR like itz the funniest thing in the world

▸ ALL of his hits are a little too hard. he does the fake beat up thing a lot but when you two are roughhousing, you're the one reminding him to chill out through stifled laughs

he'll immediately soften the blows quickly at your request, knowing it's probably best for you to remain as uninjured as possible when not doing mission. can't have your shit rocked before you even face a villain!!! his hits end up somewhere between hobie's and gwen's– an almost perfect middle (*´꒳`*)

almost.

occasionally, he'll literally just... take the hits. not like miles where he's deflecting. he's jus standing there laughing while you smack him. which is a concerning sight for anyone who isn't used to your antics!!!

this happened in hq once and peter b, who happened to be walking by, lowkey thought you were straight up attacking pav

upon hearing the two of you giggling though, he figured that he wasn't witnessing an act of violence and didn't have to step in

[midnight-bay-if]

Spoilers for those who haven't read the update:

It's fucking amazing jst btw!!!!!

I honestly would love to know what i can call you because you need to be addressed for this.

YOU ARE A GODDAMN GEM OF A WRITER.

i had so much to say, like how each of the agents' responses to MC killed me, but in particular, T is an ass for calling my poor mc a parasite. Like i didn't do shit to you !

Also Raine's bit was adorable and them fighting with T just is the best thing ever. It was extremely funny.

Ps i still don't trust Hunter for all the money in the whole world. Hunter makes my spidey senses tingle. Creepy pushy weirdo 😒

Then comes Umbra. Why in the world did that whole interaction make me want to cry. Like, i got so emotional. Umbra makes me so sad for some reason. You really translate so much emotion in your writing, and it really hit me.

The whole update was beautifully written. I did find some typos i can send you privately if you need me to but they were few and far between. And did not take away from the reading experience at all.

But seriously, no joke, i literally just need you to know you're a wonderful writer, and I'm so in love with this IF I'd probably cry if you decided to discontinue it one day, god forbid. But sorry. I rambled so much in this ask. I just wanted to share my excitement, and i truly am just such a fan of yours it's crazy.

Thank u 💓

Thank you 🥺🥰 I love receiving messages like this, but I get all shy as well, haha 😅My anxiety demands I keep some semblance of anonymity, but if you like, you can call me Ella or El. Close to my real name without the baggage, haha.

I had a lot of fun writing the scenes from the team's perspective. So I just know it will be fun when everyone is in the same room. The team already has a pretty strong dynamic between them, so throwing MC, N and Umbra into the mix is going to be... chaotic.

I hadn't intended to add more Hunter so soon, but I do enjoy writing the bastard so I figured why not, lol. It'll make ch4 even more messy.

Yeah, Umbra makes me very sad, too. Translating emotion is one thing I get quite paranoid about, so it makes me happy to see it hitting home for you 😭

But yes! Please do DM me the typos. I try to be thorough, but sometimes, my hands type faster than my brain can catch up. My neurospicy brain needs me to follow a trail when I have one, or I risk losing it and never finding it again.

Thank you so much for sharing your ramblings ❤️ It means so much to me.

[pagodazz]

rotating ur post abt vinnie as a sacrificial lamb in my mind rn it is sooo T_T could u elaborate on it? ^~^

YESSSSSSS I ABSOLUTELY CAN!!!!!!!!

So I associate Vinny with the sacrificial lamb because not only was he also effected by slenderman, habit and the rake for the entire duration of ANY LIFE HES LIVED, literally this works for basically every iteration of Vinnie.

He was blindly lead along until his inevitable death that he was unknowingly helping with. He was basically tagged as "Prime meat" for all 3 of them.

He was so blindly loyal, he did what he was told to do, what he thought was best, just to be lead to death. And HIS death was the one that was needed, it's ALWAYS Vinnie.

Vinnie is the one with the disease, VINNIE is the one spreading it to others, to put an end to it HE needs to die for the sake of others. For the sake of himself, For Evans sake, For HABITS sake.

and if we use the Wikipedia description of "Sacrificial lamb,"

"In cinema and literature, the term sacrificial lamb refers to a supporting character whose sole dramatic purpose is to die, thus galvanizing the protagonist to action and simultaneously demonstrating how evil the villain is. Very often, the sacrificial lamb is a family member, partner, or "old buddy" of the protagonist."

and I like to think everymanHYBRID took that AND MADE IT EVEN MOEE BEAUTIFUL (Atleast to me personally)

Where the antagonist leads the lamb to the protagonist to slaughter each other.

Evan is such a perfect protagonist, he's strong, determined and hes been set on the right path since the beginning, I honestly wish we got way more screen time of him struggling to deal with the possession and how it effects him mentally but we didn't and I can live with that. Unfortunately for him, he was doomed to be in the same body as the antagonist, who is MUCH stronger and way more determined.

From the very beginning Evan has been on vinnies side, loving him, protecting him, defending him even though he wasnt exactly in the right.

All while Vinny was being prepped for killing and he didn't even know it, he thought he was safe, he thought if he bonded with the butcher he wouldn't get killed. He blindly lead others to their deaths all while believing he was just, "doing everything he could."

Vinny was always trying to find some other sort of explanation for something instead of just blaming habit, while Evan was quick to immediately blame him.

Vinnie is convinced slenderman is the real main bad, while Evan is almost firmly believing that it's all habit.

Vinny is literally kept away from everyone in order to prepare for the event that is All good things, and In order to wrap up the story and move onto the next iteration, Vinnie needs to die. And Evan needs to die for Vinnie to be able to die. And that's precisely what happens. Evan even says he has to kill Vinnie first before he will be able to forgive him, which is only achieved after Vinny kills Evan as well.

honestly I don't even know if I'm making any sense right now, I get so overwhelmed talking about Vinnie because he's my absolute favorite and I'm so nervous to accidentally say something that's not actually correct lore wise. BUT !!#!@++[%[(#($(*;: OKAY I'VE BEEN WRITING FOR SO LONH I CANT EVEN GO BACK TO LOOK TO SEE IF I MADE ANY TYPOS.

I hope HOPE HOPE this made sense.

[kamurocho-lullaby]

So I was planning to go through and pretty this up but I just haven't had the energy so I'm just gonna dump them here.

These are my notes from my first time watching the Yakuza movie!

I've added a cut because they're long. There's typos, they're not edited, it's literally just chaos bullet points but tadaaaah. There's also a lot of cussing, swearing, whatever u call it, so sorry.

Date is just so fuckin done with the Tokyo PD's shit I love him.

Throwing down in a Don Quixote, yes Kiryu.

WAIT IS THIS STARDUST! IS THAT FUCKIN YUYA?! IT IS AND KAZUKI TOO!

Wait who's this little shit bleeding in Kazuki's floor?

Kiryu's fight in the DQ reminds me of that gif of him fucking up a Poppo it's so good.

HOLY SHIT ITS MILENNIUM TOWER! I sure hope that doesn't explode.

HERE HE IS! Mr Tumblr Sexyman himself.

WHY ISNT HE SHIRTLESS COWARDS

I can't get over the fact Majima supposedly reads the financial times

"where's Kiryu?" "Somewhere" "not good enough" *murder*

I love the idea that Majima is at the batting cages so often it's his office. Like he absolutely painted that sign himself what a dork.

This chick is insane and wants to go robbing stores when a Yakuza war is breaking out, side story material

Date is so fuckin done literally said "not my Division"

AAAAAHHHHHH ITS HARUKA!!!!

Kiryu seems a lot colder in this movie than he is in the games idk maybe he'll warm up

Who is this cocktail making silent man I am so confused

Why is Kazuki so hot?!

THEYRE ROBBING A PORK BOWL SHOP WHAT THE FUCK

Majima and crew are goofy as fuck and I really love them literally everyone is scared of them it's fucking hilarious

HE CALLS HIS CREW KIDDIES and then ditches them to get his rocks off in a video store and the guy he beaned with a fuckin baseball in his own crew is like "ILL FOLLOE U TO THE ENDS OF THE ESRTH"

This man is goofy as fuck one second and then breaking fingers and toes to find his boyfriend the next

DUDE HES PAYING THIS KID WITH PAIN WTF I wanna be this kid wtf

Oh fuck he's got a gun, nobody should allow Majima a gun

HIS CREW KNOWS THE DEAL THEY'RE ALL HANDS UP DONT SHOOT ME BOSS I LOVE YOU

Literally the Majima fam have a "oh fuck the boss has got a gun" emergency plan

I just noticed he's wearing a studded belt omg

Kiryu needs more frown lines

OHHHH DADS MEET AGAIN

Haruka got some sass I love her

"don't be corrupting her mind" what the fuck Date he found her like that

Majima was fuckin up Pink Street why didn't he go karaoke

Lol the guy at Ebisu Pawn gives zero shits about being robbed

Kiryu, Haruka and the dog make a cute picture I love it

Fuckin Majima isn't even like looking for intel he's just wandering around shouting about Kiryu-chaaaaaaaan

Lol Kiryu gets a flip phone and it's got a charm on it omg

"over the top shit is his trademark" you don't fuckin say

LOL DATE he's just like Kiryu and Majima are up to shit it's your fuckin problem I'm out "the military won't even save your asses" omg

Don't tell me the fuckin Jingweon are here I don't wanna fuckin deal with thaaaaaaat

"Yokohama's Lau Kalong" WAIT WHAT (having learned more about 7, YES that Lau Kalong apparently the Snake Flower Triad are a bunch of assholes and they're also like everywhere)

Oh fuck this kid's been sent to kill Kyohei Jingu?! no shit of course he has

Oh fuck SERENA I didn't think we'd see that in this movie

Lol Kiryu knows the RGG way, they ain't dead until you see a body and even then cough cough Kashiwagi cough cough

Lol Haruka teaching him to use a cellphone

Majima taking a break from getting his ass kicked by Kiryu to beat up his boys is so fuckin funny

Haruka's just on the sidelines like "these fuckin dumbass boys smh"

I'm sad it's not his lacquered tanto

Yo Kiryu is fuckin merciless what?!

LOL HE JUST FUCKIN DROPPED Kiryu is so done with his dumbass boyfriend flopping on the groud

Lol all the Yakuza in Kamurocho mobilising like the fuckin Avengers

LOL the bank robbers feeding everyone in the bank is just wild I love it, still can't figure out who they are tho (they're side story material)

LOL ALL OF MAJIMAS GUYS CRAMMED IN AN AMBULACE

How is Majima MORE unhinged in this movie than he is in the games

Theatre square! Honestly the shots in this movie are actually pretty good, im surprised

The Jingweon's gun is a monstrosity why the fuck

Is that supposed to be Shimano?

Kazuki getting all intimidating with the weapons dealer do be kinda hot tho why he gotta grab him by his chin like thst

Also why does Kiryu know this guy and why does he know he's a massochist?!

LOL Kiryu protecting Haruka from the creep but like why is she there?!

Kiryu hearing all this shit about his kyoudai and he's just like... Stomping around like a mad man

Wait is Kazuki an imposter yet? (Spoiler alert, probably)

Lol these idiots cleaning up Pink Street like Majima isn't just gonna whirlwind through it again

"Don't fall for hosts, they'll get you in the end" solid advice Kiryu but are u talking from experience or? Like iirc hosts weren't a thing when u went to jail my man.

What the fuck is this dramatic military shit what who is this man?!

FUCKIN MAJIMA IN THE "BATHOUSE"

Kiryu actually trusts Majima to not go after Haruka! And he doesn't! He's actually genuinely not a bad man he's just mad as a bag of cats

Oh that whole Majima and Kiryu not killing people thing is out the window in this movie omg

"Kiryu-chan, you're so cool" Majima says through a mouthful of blood after he's been knocked fuckin cold onto his ass. This man has it so bad I love it

THE MAJIMA PEEPING AROUNF THE HALLWAY SCENE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE

Fuckin Majima just pelting Kiryu in the gut with baseballs omg this movie is wild

FUCKIN HIS BAT GOT STUCK IN THE WALL OMG

Dude these guys literally kick the shit out of each other it's vicious I love it

The level of choreographed homoerotic whump in this movie

He just straight up put his foot on his ass

WHAT THE FUCK MAJIMA GET UR DICK OUT OF HIS FACE

SOMEBODY SHOT MY MAJIMA!!!!!

KAZAMA SHOT MY MAJIMA!!!!!

"Fuck you murder dad you shot my boyfriend"

OH THE GANGS ALL HERE ITS DATE

Wait do I get to see Nishiki?!

WHAT THE FUCK WHY DOES NISHIKI LOOK LIKR THST

WILL EVERYONR PLEASE STOP GETTING SHOT!!!!

The fuckin Staminan X and shit in the shop that's so rad, of course Kiryu is like I'll just chug some of this shit and go fuckin kill my bro I'm fine

THE TATTOO THAT WAS A FUCKIN RAD REVEAL

Oh hey it's Zombie Majima

Who allowed a military helicopter into fuckin Kamurocho airspace that's gotta be so illegal what the fuck

OMG I FORGOT ABOUT THE BANK ROBBERS I love how they're just laying on the floor with the staff resigned to their shit

Nishiki put the fish away you dumb fuck

Lol Kiryu literally doesn't give a fuck about the Tojo and here's Nishiki making it all about the Tojo like bro wise up Kiryu is done with your shit

Kiryu just stone cold dead until he gets some of that Staminan that's a full triple heat gauge baby the dragon is back omg this movie is the dumbest shit I love it

The fuckin slow mo! 2007 did not deserve this movie

Top ten ways to kill your kyoudai, number 12 will jack your dad!

Wait we're not gonna get Mr "Beautiful Eyes" here are we?

Akiyama come get ur cash!!!!

Moooooom, Millennium Tower blew up again!

Y'know Date is kinda hot...

Suzuki also has no business being that hot

Fuckin Majima's dumbass batting cages sign someone better save his ass I swear to fuck

Fuckin dumbass got shot and he thinks he's got the flu lol

WHY IS THE DOG IN MILENNIUM TOWER?!?! WHAT THE FUCK KIRYU?!

Oh shit there's Kiryu oops guess he's not to blame for the dog

Question, how the fuck they gonna get down from the tower?

Oh my god okay it's done I'll clean this up later (spoiler alert, he did not clean it up later)

[awellboiledicicle]

the fun thing about rereading Eldritch Bingo to get back into writing it is that April and Michael pack bond through 1 phone call.

April because he's the first one to sound like they GENUINELY believe them. Michael because that man will get an emotional connection with a sock if pressed. Ok no, its because he's very well aware SOME of the ookie spookies they look into are 100% legit and even if April was just having a series of mental problems, they're still experiencing these emotions and its exactly what Ryan dealt with through his short life. He's inclined to get attached to most statement givers, but he often doesn't see the aftermath in action, so to speak. Even field work follow ups generally get someone acting a lot more closed off than April is by the time they talk on the phone.

And then they leave their final words--as far as he knows-- to HIM to do something with instead of like... a friend or family member. He's emotionally involved over here.

Meanwhile Eric Delano, resident Bitter Old Man is just like "this is literally not on you" "But i oculd have helped!" "no u couldn't" "BUT MAYBE"

Meanwhile x2 April just. gets eaten by the fucking distortion and chooses violence. gets vomited up for later chewing on. goes to hospital. sells soul for job with dental. As you do.

Elias really does just have emts scrape them off the floor and decide to study them under a microscope, annoyances be damned.

Man really paid to legally [cough] import an american with Peter's credit card just because they were weird. Covered in spiral slime and marked up like a school gym floor.

you see i like looking back on my fic like i didn't write it because in most cases my brain's dumped all info about it in a corner until i reread it and it really feels like i'm getting someone else's fic. its fun, but also means i die of psychic damage when i find a typo. so win lose

[anniesfarce]

so co-mod and i have played this game a few times with the cpds characters, "guess who but with vibes." (insp by this video) each of us will pick one character and ask the other yes/no questions about their "vibes" to determine via process of elimination which cpds character the other has picked!

we've played this a few times, but i thought i would share the first round we ever played, and maybe you can play along? (we played by having a full list of the characters up and striking them out as questions eliminated them.)

we originally played this going back and forth with questions, but for readability's sake, i've separated his character and mine, so you'll only see questions and responses about one character at a time. i've also edited this to fix typos as well as condensing and eliminating some of the chatty bits.

first character

L: would this person post minion memes unironically?

R: yes i think so

L: for reference, i took out 3. would your character, after walking into a door, deny it ever happened?

R: no

L: they wouldn't deny it?

R: yeah they wouldn't deny it, i don't think

L: ooh tricky. i took down two. i just feel like i'm making the wrong decisions here. would this person talk during a movie?

R: ahh i'm conflicted about this. i think yes.

L: two down

R: oh no that's seven down for you??

L: wait but if you were conflicted...

R: you're almost there??

L: i'm doubting my final two ngl but we'll see. we'll just have to see if i'll have to start over from scratch or something. in the video once both have guessed wrong, they reveal who and figure out where they went wrong. if you've picked jonathan i'm rebelling. would your character pick flowers from a neighbour's garden?

R: i think so. yes.

[L was ready to make a guess, but we decided that you can't ask a question and guess on the same turn.]

L: can i tell u my guess now

R: okay submit your guess :)

L: is it max

R: no :(

L: aw man. who was it?

R: mine was annie

L: aw MAN. i'm pretty sure it was the movie bit that did her in

R: oh yeah i was conflicted on that. but i felt like on balance she probably would talk during a movie. not in theatres though just like at home lol

L: oooh good point. i actually did start thinking jonathan might. i was like hm well i didn't think jonathan would but also he might...

R: hold on i want to know who did you eliminate for the minion memes one

L: ha ha um trevor robert and chris

R: you were very right ha ha

second character

L: ur turn

R: would they break into a petting zoo to pet the animals?

L: no i don't think so

R: conflicted because there are some people i'm borderline on if i should cross them off for that lol i'm just like i could see them doing this but i don't think they would just do it spontaneously on their own. unlike Certain Others. you're still ahead of me, i knocked off two. would this person ride a bike to work? regularly, i mean.

L: no. i think literally the only person this would eliminate is jonathan (jokes)

R: lol well i've eliminated two so i guess our feelings differ. i hope the person i eliminated was not the person you are thinking of! maybe this is a bad question but it's all i could think of: would this person smoke?

L: hmm no

R: was sort of hoping you'd say yes :/

L: sorry

R: i still have a whole three people left in the mix ha ha would your person enjoy a jane austen novel?

L: yes

R: i have it like 75/25 rn

L: okay u can ask me another question or just guess, whatever's fine with u ha ha

R: okay... is it sandra

L: yes

R: YES

L: gg

R: gg!!!! that was hard!

L: was it jane austen that tipped ya off?

R: of course it was, i was trying to eliminate robert tbh

L: ha ha i'm surprised robert stayed in for so long

R: and annie has not struck me as a jane austen enjoyer, but i thought Maybe

[checkers-dance]

hi oomf. i come to talk abt The Music. usually i would have sent something the moment i got done listening to it but i was fighting for my life (migraine ��) but its another day and i've had more time to rlly digest the songs so at least my thoughts can be more coherent.

as a whole, i enjoyed myself a lot! it was very fun to listen to. there's something INSANE about hearing sh*wnu again. like wowwww i forgot how much i liked his voice??? it was such a joy, i think i ended up rlly latching to his lines. but hy*ngwon did rlly good too, i actually think his breathy tone (dunno how to describe it) was a rlly great fit for some of these songs, it was very neat. i feel like the entire ep sounded exactly like what i would expect from a unit with these two... idk but something about it just felt so natural. so i had a lot of fun! if i have any complaints, is that i wish it was a little longer... i RLLY could use a couple more songs, especially from hy*ngwon. as for more specific thoughts love me a little was reaaaally good, and i think it was the objective best choice as a title track so i'm glad they went with it. the chorus was SOOO good, its been stuck in my head all day. and the last part of the song was also sooo great, it had a rlly strong conclusion i feel. its rlly rlly cool to see hy*ngwon making title tracks, i reaaally hope he gets a chance to do it again. love therapy was not a fave but it had some rlly strong parts... i love love love the part where it's just hy*ngwon talk singing, it scratches such an itch for me. and that one high note by sh*wnu.... shaking throwing up /pos. roll with me was SO.... i think its my favorite. listen.... its the fucking piano... I KNOW IM SO PREDICTABLE BUT WELL.... it had a really fun darker vibe to it that i actually wasnt expecting, so i was very pleasantly surprised. and GODDD THAT PRECHORUS... TRULY A BANGER. play me was very cute, but i dont have too much to say about it. it was very fun but not a fav yknow. and lastly slow dance was SO fun and cute, its rlly romantic sounding and another personal fav. there's just something abt it. SO YES I HAD FUN... which is to be expected, i feel like its been a while since i've truly had anything negative to say abt anything mx releases which is sooo brainwashed of me but yknow 😔 ALSO i actually rlly dig the vibe of the cover. album covers in kpop are literally just text and a background, its getting so boring sjsbdbsbd yes this is still rlly simple but it has style to it yknow

outside of the music, the music video had some really cool shots, esp during the later half. but i was honestly kinda underwhelmed idkkkkk... I KNOW I SHOULDNT TRUST THEIR CONCEPT PHOTOS BUT LISTEN... THAT ONE VID THEY RELEASED WITH THE WEIRD ASS CREEPYPASTA VIBE?? they are literally just fucking with me at this point 😭

THERE MIGHT BE SOME TYPOS HERE BUT IM SLEEPY... I CANT BE BOTHERED TO CHECK IM SORRY

NO BUT IT'S ACTUALLY SO SAD THAT THEY HAD NONE OF THE VIBES FROM THE CREEPYPASTA MV......I was ready to sit here theorizing the meaning behind the tree and the lab thing and the beaker AND NONE OF IT SHOWED UP.....this is truly so sad. And yeah, the mv was cool but it didn't scratch the itch the preview video gave me 😭😭😭

Ik what u mean abt the breathy tone tho, hy*ngwon rlly does pull it off so well. And is it a coincidence roll w me is a fave of urs bc his breathy tone rlly is showed off there 🧐🧐. I liked roll w me, and yeah it def has a darker vibe

I agree w u abt play w me and slow dance so there's not much to say there

I actually rlly liked love therapy, minus the chorus which was just alright (BUT IT GETS STUCK IN MY HEAD OK...). The synth was simply too sexy. Also the fact that the song starts out w "I need some therapy" is so funny. This could've been the mx version of vixx's "lalala I need therapy" song. If the chorus was stronger I think this song would be a fave

Omg hy*ngwon composed the title track? Good for him. And yeah, the chorus is super catchy, and the build up to it is so good. Also the guitar at the end was SO good (<- extremely predictable for me). I was just listening to it again and I caught the subtle saxophone and IT SLAPPED......

[starglitterz]

GIFGLING AND KICJING MY FEET OVER UR FIC BTW. PROOFREAD WHAT PROOFREAD I LITERALLY JUST GOT LIVE VIP SEATS FOR FREE HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEH

damn i missed your writing lmaoo that was such! a fun! read!!!! i literally made no changes. how can u improve perfection. like

my only suggestion would be to include paragraph breaks whenever a new character speaks but even that is like. not that big of a deal. especially since u do it in all your work i've noticed so it may be a style thing.

but yeah!! thanks so much for letting me read that <333 can't wait to reblog it with insane tags

HAHAHAKDKSKDKS AWWW 🥹🥹🥹 this ask made me smile so hard i was literally giggling at my phone screen like a freak LMFAO 😭 i'm sooo glad you enjoyed it, i had a lot of fun just writing the pure chaos and silliness that is this weird group 🙂‍↕️

i do generally leave my dialogue in paragraphs, but i'll def consider this for my future fics!! it's always cool to try new things hehe <3 also thanks for catching that one typo i didn't notice 😵‍💫🫶

AND STOP im already getting excited to see your reaction 😭😋 i'll be posting it tmrw evening/night!!! RAHHH ILY <333

[wonton4rang]

SOO, in this period I have developed a huge obsession for Sungho from bnd, seeing those broad shoulders every single day makes me think about how much his physique is suitable for that of a swimmer. Sooooo, could you write something about pool sex with sungho? Thanks in advance if you do, love ya🫶🏻

oh my god you're soooo me (and i love u too<3) 😭😭😭 lately leehan and sungho have been making me go crazyyyy. they are so hot and for wHAT.

this is long, i think the longest post I've made so far but i just got carried away, sungho is such a writeable person, specially when we include his shoulders/ back and pool sex??? i hope y'all enjoy !! If you see any typos, no, you didn't 🙏

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

summer was the worst season for you, it was hot, sticky and it forced you to wash your hair EVERY SINGLE DAY, and honestly that's a hustle. so you simply hated when summer came, yeah, that until you noticed that you could have a win win by going to swim class, you wouldn't be hot (due to the weather tho), you will learn how to swim and you will also get to see the hottest boy in town: park sungho.

you just couldn't wrap your mind on how he looked so good, perfect skin, beautiful foxy eyes, a tender smile and an amazing and lovely, kind, cute personality. he was basically perfect. but the day you saw him swimming??? that was the day you felt you were doing it all wrong, how come you had such a hot man close by and never noticed? he has those broad and toned shoulders, his muscles tensing when he swam through the pool and then had to flex his arms to pull himself out of it in the edge.

you felt how your throat went dry and your hands started to shake when he walked your way.

"you must be y/n?" he asked softly, removing his swimming hat and launching his perfect hair, because yes, he also had perfect hair.

"yes, i am here for the classes?" sungho just nodded, getting to your side before looking up and down at you and lifting an eyebrow.

"you can change in there" he signalled a door behind you "today is just gonna be us since the other two said they couldn't make it"

you just nodded in comprehension, walking to the place he told you about and changing into your swimming suit, noticing how you forgot about your swimming hat, you suddenly felt so nervous and you couldn't telk why. well, i can tell you why, your pussy was literally wetter than the pool out there, it took sungho 2 minutes to make you want him so bad you'll beg for it.

once you went out, you couldn't even think about swimming, you were NOT listening to a single word he said, your eyes were fixed in his lips yet you did not understand a word, but when you felt his hands in your waist, his face so close to yours when you lifted your head, you just couldn't hold it back and shamelessly licked your lips, getting a tilted head from him before he kinda laughed at your action and made you put your feet in the bottom of the pool.

"is there something you wanna tell me, y/n? you are definitely not paying attention. maybe something you want to know so we can continue?"

"are you dating someone?" he definitely expected that.

"no, i am-"

"i need you, please" he gapped his mouth a few times before actually freezing in front of you, his hands on your hips and his eyes scanning your face for almost a minute before he said:

"like, here and now?" you nodded to his words and he just thought about it for a second before nodding too and trying to get out of the pool, you held his hand and stopped him.

"i want to do it here" but sungho was just as compliant as he seemed to be so he just said yes and finally took you in for a kiss. don't get him wrong, it's not that he's an 'easy' person but when he was so stressed with the upcoming competition and in top of that had to give classes because his dad asked him to do so (the local pool was theirs) he just needed a way to escape that, and you looked just like the perfect match for his preferences.

so it was perfect for him when you came forward first because tbh he didn't know how to approach you without making you feel uncomfortable if you didn't feel the same as he did. and this was actually such a new experience for him, fucking with someone on a random day, place and without having any ties to that person previously to doing it? that's straight up crazy for him.

but here he was, kissing you like his life depends on it, he was needy, he was seeking for this and now that he had it he just took it. his tongue ghosted your lips and his body pressed against yours with some strength that made you open your eyes when your back hit the edge of the pool, your hands went automatically to his shoulders, pressing down in the flesh, feeling it under your fingertips and moaning softly at the feeling and the warm yet chilly temperature of his skin.

he left your lips for a moment, going for your neck with hot and open mouthed kisses that gave you this weird feeling of emptiness and made you so needy for him when his arms went to each side of your head, pressing agaisnt the edge of the pool and his lips going down to your collarbones when your hands held him for below his arms, positioning in his wide back and making him get closer and closer to you to the point that he groaned himself, making you feel the vibrations in your skin before one of your hands took the hair in his nape and pulled him back a little.

his lips looked swollen and his eyes kinda watery when he faced you and took one of his hands to cup your face and kiss you softly "i need you, please" he nodded at your words, kissing you one more time cause he personally just loved the whole kissing stuff like a mad man.

"do you have any condoms?" he asked you really close to your lips, not really wanting to leave them.

"i... i actually do" you mouthered and he tried to get away from you so he could look for them, it's not that you always had condoms in your bag, even though you should just in case, but you really knew what you came here for so... but even before he got 5 inches away from you your hands were already pulling him back "do you mind doing it without it? i'm good" you explained, so he could know that there were no diseases in your system.

"i don't mind but are you sure? the water can cause some friction and i wouldn't want you to-" he took his bottom lip between his teeth and then proceeded "you know, i want you to enjoy it too"

"it's okay, i just want to feel you" he laughed at what you said because you could feel him with a condom too but he won't discuss that now that he felt his boner pushing his swimming pants and urging for a release. he nodded and took you in for a kiss again, his hand lowering in your body until he reached your pussy, palming a little and causing a spasm to run through your body, taking the chance to finally introduce his tongue in your mouth and kiss you deeper.

he didn't loose any time when his fingers made your swimsuit aside and he entered his middle finger in your cunt, your hands pressing in his back and your legs opened up for him to position himself in between them, his lips finally parted ways with yours, his forehead pressing against yours while he slowly humped you with his finger inside of you and his hips right behind. "i wish i could eat you out so bad right now" he whispered, audibly moaning like a little bitch when you gave him a short kiss in the lips and held the back of his head to play with his hair.

his eyes staring into yours with so much hunger that you just couldn't make it longer, you needed him to fuck you so bad, his frame covering yours and making your legs feel weak before saying "please, get in, sungho" and he did not thought about it twice, lowering his pants with one hand and keeping your swimsuit away with the other when he pressed the tip in your cunt, it felt so warm in comparison to the cold water surrounding you.

you felt him pushing pass your entrance and your arms wrapped around his shoulders for support, one of his hands going to hold your waist when he finally looked back up at your eyes, managing to unglue them from what he could see through the water of your pussy taking his dick.

"all good?" he asked as he slowly went deeper and deeper in your cunt, you felt the stretch and just when you thought it was all in, he kept pushing, causing you to groan out in desperation. you needed him to thrust into you and finally relieve your clenching pussy.

"all good, you can move" he nodded and finally slammed his hips against yours, the movement being rather slow due to the water but it felt so good that your pussy pulsated when he came forward one more time, this time stronger and groaning in your ear when he tried to muffle his moans by kissing the space between your neck and your ear, and as much as you liked it and felt like you could die right now and die happy with his dick buried deep in your cunt, both of his hands were now holding your hips while his fingers pressed with some strength there, you pulled away from his lips, his thrusts coming to a stop because he got a little bit confused at your actions.

"did i hurt you?" you could feel his grab loosening and quickly denied with your head.

"you're perfect, but i want to... you know, hear you" his eyebrows lifted at that, his cheeks blushing when he swallowed at your words "you sound so pretty when you're on it, please" sungho was just a big boy physically and mentally, but when you shared how you felt his dick literally twitched inside of you and he immediately resumed his thrusts, this time going deeper than before if that was even possible and he finally picked up a pace that made you grin a little bit out of pleasure.

he was so good for you, so good for your needs, so good to make you want more and more. but when he started moaning sweetly in your ear you lost it, you became a little bit more vocal too, both of your whines mixing together and resonating in the four walls of the roofted pool due to the echo in there.

he fucked you fast yet precisely, slamming his hips over and over again in that spot that made you cry out and clench your cunt around his already leaking cock. he was so into it that he almost forgot to keep his voice down, whining so softly in your ear before asking:

"are you feeling good?" you desperately nodded, letting a high pitched moan when he gave you a sharp thrust, your eyes were wide open while you looked at him, your hair coming in the way when he started fucking you like that, strong and sharped, making you jump a little bit but keeping you safe in his arms when he hugged your waist instead of holding your hips, you moaned before he removed the wet hair from your face and kissed your lips.

"you look so pretty, and you feel so good" he moaned against your lips, his right hand going down to play with your clit, causing you to spasm and grind down on his dick and hand.

"you feel so good too" was all you could manage to say before pressing your nails in his back, his shoulders aching a bit when you scratched him by mistake. and even though he was not into having those marks on him, it felt so hot in the moment that he might need to think about it twice. "i'm so close, so so close" your voice sounded wasted, cracking a little bit with each thrust he gave up into you. "please keep going, just a little more" but sungho was not that strong, he was not that good at holding himself back, specially not with your pretty voice saying those things to him, not with your arms holding him so close to your frame, not with your soaked cunt squeezing his dick and his desperation showing up. he couldn't, so he tried to pull out before he came, first because he wasn't coming inside of you without your consent and second because he wanted to make you come first.

but his ideas shattered when your arms did not allowed him to pull out, your head desperately denying before saying "please come inside, i need to come with you, please" it took him literally 8 seconds and almost 10 thrusts to come after that, the feeling of his warm dick softening inside of your while he rode his orgasm out making you come in his hand and around his cock. "goddam it" you whispered, your hands falling from his arms and resting on his waist, throwing your head behind while he was hiding his face in your neck, slowly kissing your chest while you both came down from your high and regulated your breath.

it didn't take him 2 seconds to kiss your lips when you looked at him afterwards, accepting the sweet kiss the boy was giving you and moaning at the feeling of his dick leaving your pussy, the emptiness coming back while your cunt clenched around nothing.

"how are you feeling?" he asked you softly, fixing your swimsuit and cupping your face with his right hand while his foxy eyes looked at yours.

"that was amazing, i had a while needing something like that" you laughed and he did too.

"that makes two of us" he reassured and then spoke again "are you taking pills or do you need me to get you something?"

"i'm okay, no worries, i got it" after that y'all just came out of the pool, not really into class anymore and tbh who would be? you went to change back to your regular clothes and you just know he followed you behind and went in the changing room with you.

that's how you both ended up making out, again, and how you took his number to hit him up if you ever needed anothed lesson. it really didn't have to be a swimming one tho.

[euphoricfilter]

hi hi 🎀 how's it going 💭

i'm currently procrastinating on my school work .. love that for me lol. also so sorry i don't think i addressed this last ask !! but thanks on the compliment in regards my web development class stuff :3 *hugs* (honestly i'm not that smart .. if it wasn't for book n instructions, i wouldn't have a cLUE as to what the hell i'm doing 😭 lmao)

omggggg speaking of jimin- did u see the hardware teasers . did u SEE them?????????)$&1; this man is beautiful like gtfo

but yeah u said it perfectly honestly. it's refreshing to see them so relaxed n open with themselves and yes there still 'here' per say, but just knowing the inevitable after their promotions are done is the sucky n scary part yk :( but ofc i'm still going to enjoy our time together til 2025 💕 we're in this bangtan sonyeondan borahae business for life 💯🫶🫶🫶🫶😤💢

also random question but am i using my emojis right 😭 ??? ik ik dumb question but hEAR me out. do u ever feel like ur not updated with the times- like with jokes n stuff?? like idk sometimes i feel like i'm still stuck in 2019-20 stan twitter humor help idk &)/-)6/;(/7/@3)😭 and it's weird it's like i can understand the jokes but i can't make them or use them myself??? like ik how these emojis "🏃‍♀️🚶‍♀️" are used / implied when other ppl use them but when i attempt to use them i back out. i just feel like i'm using them wrong 😭😭 lmao. does this make any sense??? idk idk this so stupid, i'm stupid. don't mind me

oh wow i didn't how much when into baking brownie from scratch ! i'm so used to doing it by the box n calling it a day lol. but it definitely sounds interesting n fun tho, i might have to try it out someday. and also i think ur brownies still sounded super scrumptious (even more so with the strawberry milk) ! so still kudus n praise to u for seeing it through and ur baking smartness :3 🌸 like i sad before : it's ALWAYS a good time when talking sweets. y u h

yay glad to hear everything worked out !! i hope u have a fun and safe time :) and dw i'm sure you'll find something to do before then hehe*

also off topic, ik we said it's okay but srsly sorry all my asks are always so long n probably have a bunch of typos 😭 i can't shut up and it shows pls lol

- 🎀 anon

it’s definitely going

YES LITERALLY I WAS OUT WHEN IT DROPPED AND IN THE CAR ON THE WAY HOME AND I JUST 😟 HOLY SHIT JIMIN??????? my brother please have mercy on me??

wait no because i literally feel the same??? i have like my small bank of frequently used emojis because whenever i see other people use certain ones i just 🧍‍♀️don’t know if the context is right with what i’m saying? if it’s any help i sent 😭 to my mum before and she asked why i was crying 😭😭 so i think you’re doing okay babes

i don’t bake brownies very often and i still took the easy route using the microwave instead of the double boil method 😭 i think one day i’ll perfect them but until then i’m gonna stick with cakes i think, or banana bread— it’s way easier 🥲

i had a really good time!!! i feel like ass this morning though LMAO idk if it’s because i don’t usually stay out that late but i woke up and felt so dead. it was extremely liberating though just walking through my compound at the end of the night, at midnight alone when no one was outside listening to music. it felt quite healing. and it was really nice catching up with my friend 🫡

[sophieinwonderland]

Okay, let's go over the rest of that post!

I mean, I am one, so... yeah!

I would love Film Theory to cover this! 😁

Also, when I first read "disapper" in Red's screenshot, I read it correctly. Then I scrolled down to the comments and saw this.

Afterwords, I CTRL+F'd my page to see if I had made that typo somewhere.

Needless to say, I'm so glad the typo was Red's this time and not mine. 😜

Do they, or do they just appear to because Bea is seeing them through visual hallucinations, as kids typically experience imaginary friends. And how some with DID see alters.

🤣

I don't have anything to add here. I just love the doodle! It's pretty accurate to this one, since IF took me in so many different directions with all the different interpretations of plurality to explore!

No.

There are many recorded instances of possessing entities across different cultures, and headmate is a catch-all term originating from non-disordered/non-traumagenic plurals that encompasses any entities sharing a body, whether spiritual or psychological.

Wrong again, Red!

Even a cringizen was on this.

Thanks u/Celestial_Ari! Glad to have you on my side! 😁

I could cite plenty of case studies of adolescents with DID if you'd like, but they're so easy to find that it doesn't even feel worth my time.

Nope!

You're misunderstanding what is meant by "better explained."

Essentially, a psychologist has to rule out the possibility that the child is just experiencing normal and healthy imaginary friends that are common in children of this age.

Bea's memory loss and blackouts though aren't explained through "fantasy play" alone. And she's definitely not pretending to forget.

Bea blacks out outside and wakes up somewhere else with the implication that the IFs physically moved her.

Later in the movie, she enters a locked amusement park she should have no way of getting into after Cal claims to be going around to get the key, and she believes she was in the amusement park the whole time. She visits this place a couple times despite the fact that she had no way to physically get in there. The same goes with Cal's apartment. We don't really know what's happening with Bea's body whenever she "visits" these place she can't physically get to.

Bea forgets Cal completely even when he's right there in front of her, and this is an IF who she drew pictures of and was closely attached to when she was little. Sure, memories can fade, but the extent to which she forgot Cal is too much of a reach to just be a natural part of development.

Moreover, if we assume a psychological explanation for the IFs, then Cal has to have memories that Bea doesn't for this plot to work. Meaning, in other words, that Cal and Bea have dissociative barriers between them.

Related to this, another cringizen asked this...

And the answer is no. 🤷‍♀️

Because nothing is ever JUST an imaginary friend. Depending on your beliefs, an imaginary friend can be a spiritual thoughtform brought to life by imagination, it can be a completely autonomous self-conscious psychological construct like a tulpa (ME!!!!) or it can have no sentience and is just an imaginary puppet that does whatever its creator dictates. Sometimes an imaginary friend in media isn't even created by the child, and is an actual external spirit that's bonded with them somehow.

In pathological cases, an imaginary friend can be an alter or a psychotic hallucination.

In the end, all an imaginary friend really is, is some type of entity a child can see and nobody else can. But the label itself says nothing about the imaginary friend or how it functions or what it really is.

It isn't all about Hazbin Hotel either Grace, but didn't stop you from deciding literally every religious alter came into existence because of that show.

And no, I will not ever let you live that down. 🤪

This was funny!

No further comment! 🤪

I'm just full of surprises, aren't I?

I wouldn't say Inside Out is ableist exactly, to be fair. Just that it pushes a narrative that is rooted in ableism.

Just like I wouldn't say every piece of media that happens to portray robots with autistic or otherwise neurodivergent traits to showcase their inhumanity is ableist. These are more biproducts of an ableist culture.

Society decided a list of traits robots had, they sunk into pop culture, and now everyone just goes with it without even thinking about why those specific traits are what defines a machine, and why others are what defines a human.

Likewise, "adults can't have imaginary friends" comes from this ideology that sees people who hear voices or experience other sorts of hallucinations or pseudo-hallucinations as dangerous or otherwise strange for their experiences.

Even helpful voices are seen as bad and something that needs to be fixed.

Isn't it?

Inside Out was a movie all about psychological symbolism.

You don't think that the writers, when arranging a situation where the only way for Riley's Joy to survive was for her imaginary friend to die, were saying anything with that?

I just don't get this interpretation.

To me, the messaging seems pretty clear. If Bing Bong hadn't sacrificed himself, Riley never would have grown and matured. Bing Bong had to die to save Joy. He had to die so that Riley could survive. Whatever Bing Bong once helped Riley with, his purpose is fulfilled and his death is the only way Riley can move on.

I can't see another way to interpret that symbolism.

The Plurality of... IF

Major spoilers for IF and Inside Out ahead. You have been warned.

Enter a world of IFs

IF is a movie about a young girl named Bea who lost her mom, and whose dad is going in for a life-threatening surgery. At the start of the movie, Bea has outgrown imaginary friends, and perhaps imagination in general.

Which makes it really inconvenient when she starts seeing other people's imaginary friends, which call themselves IFs, and finds a whole community of abandoned IFs whose children have outgrown them.

These IFs are desperate for attention and have been looking for new kids to connect with. Bea agrees to help them, and tries introducing them to a kid she knows.

When this doesn't work though, they realize that connecting the IFs to new kids may just be impossible. They instead decide they need to connect the IFs to their original children, even if said children are grown now.

A cool and unexpected theme to the movie is that you never fully outgrow your need for imaginary friends.

The rest of the movie is Bea trying to rekindle the connections of the IFs to their now-grown children by jogging their memories of the past.

The Plurality of IFs

Plurality: A state of multiple self-conscious agents, or "headmates," sharing a single body.

One thing about the movie is that a whole lot about how plural it is depends on you interpret the IFs. Are they separate entities entirely who were created by their children? Or are they connected directly to the minds and bodies of the their hosts? Are they even other children's imaginary friends as they claim, or are they just in Bea's head?

For what on the surface feels simple, the movie leaves a lot, pardon the pun, to the imagination.

What we know for certain is that each IF is self-conscious. And they are, according to the poster on the right of the billboard below, real.

They also at least appear connected to the host's body.

We know that, with the exception of Bea and other IFs, only their creators can see or interact with them.

It's also likely that when their host dies, they do too. Which yes, makes the poster on the left saying "you never really disappear" a bit misleading. But in the movie, we never see IFs of people who have passed. It's all just IFs whose children have outgrown them.

For example, while Bea finds the IFs of her grandma and her dad, she never meets her mom's IF.

With this in mind, I think regardless of the interpretation, there's undoubtedly some sort of plurality going on here.

To explore these different scenarios, we need to start asking the central question of the movie.

What if?

What if… the IFs are actually physical?

In the movie, we see multiple times that IFs interact with the physical world. They open doors. They pick things up. They move things around.

There's one scene in the movie where Blue, the big purple IF, hid in the clothes in a laundry cart in the hospital.

As Bea tries to pull him out, the cart physically rolls around the room.

There's also another scene where Bea faints after seeing an IF, and it's implied the IFs physically moved her inside.

If we're to interpret the IFs as being physical and everything we see in the movie as being completely real and to be taken at face value, this has some pretty huge implications for this universe. And Bea's story in a world of invisible creatures created by children who can physically interact with reality might be the least interesting story in this universe.

After all, if the IFs can do things like this, surely other people have noticed. One can imagine the CIA training children in a secret bunker somewhere to use their IFs in combat. Secret weapons that are invisible, can spy on anyone, can move objects around in the physical world, and can only be killed by finding and eliminating the host child.

It's a pretty awesome if terrifying thought.

IFs would be the ultimate spies and assassins.

But this also creates another issue. If the IFs are actually physical and can pick things up, why not just pick up a pen and let their host children know that they're still there. Why not type on a keyboard?

And it's for this reason that... I just don't think the movie wants us to believe the way the IFs are physically interacting with the world is actually happening.

Okay, but if they're not physical...

What if… the IFs are spiritual headmates?

This seems more reasonable. And while not the one I think is the most likely, this IS the explanation that I like the best. It's the most thematically satisfying.

In this, the IFs are spiritual thoughtforms created by the children. Because they're spiritual, it makes sense that somebody who has a special gift, as Bea does, can see them. And that they can see each other as well.

At the end of the movie, we get to see all these adults connecting with and being able to see their IFs again, and it's a really cool and satisfying way to end the film, seeing their work pay off and giving a happy ending to the story of all the characters we got to know over the course of the film.

I love that ending. I love seeing the heartwarming reunions of the IFs and their hosts after all of those years.

I just don't believe it... I want to believe... but I don't...

Which leads me to my final interpretation... That all of this is happening entirely in Bea's head.

What if… Bea has DID?

Wait, I know what you're thinking, why DID specifically? You don't need DID to be plural, after all.

I'm personally a tulpa, an imaginary friend of sorts given life. And I would naturally love a purely endogenic explanation. But as with the spiritual explanation, simply wanting something to be true doesn't make it so.

First, let's talk for a moment about DID's criteria in the most recent edition of the DSM, the DSM-5-TR

These are the boxes a clinician would need to check for a diagnosis. (Note: Simply checking the boxes isn't enough to diagnose. There are additional features that need considered. These are just a minimum. Basically, if you don't check the boxes, you can't have DID under the DSM.)

The big ones are criterion A and criterion B. The other three criteria are all exceptions, saying what DID isn't rather than what it is.

Criterion A

Later in the DSM, it's explained that the criterion A phenomena often presents as "independently acting imaginary companions."

To be clear, not all independent imaginary companions are indicative of dissociative identity disorder. That's the point of criterion C.

And studies have shown that as many as 29% of imaginary friends demonstrate consistent behavior indicative of acting outside of the host child's control, while another 35% appear mostly compliant but don't always do what the host child wants.

The participants were 89 preschool children who described their imaginary companions (46 invisible friends and 43 personified objects). The descriptions were coded for disobedient or otherwise difficult behaviour attributed to the imaginary companions. Thirty-six per cent of the children described their imaginary companions as consistently compliant and agreeable, 35 per cent gave some indication that the imaginary companions did not always do or say what the children wanted, although they were mostly friendly and compliant, and 29 per cent described their imaginary companions as noncompliant in ways that suggested the children experienced the companion to some extent as being out of their conscious control.

About two thirds of imaginary friends then demonstrate some level of independence from the host child. That doesn't mean DID on its own.

However...

Criterion B

Remember what I mentioned earlier about how Bea sees an IF and passes out, and it's implied that the IFs physically move her body to a new location?

This is something that stuck with me since the first viewing. I already went over why I don't believe the IFs are physical. But then, how does Bea pass out in one place and then wake up in another completely different place?

The easy solution to the conundrum is if they switched. That Bea experienced a complete blackout switch while someone else controlled her body. She doesn't know how she got there because of dissociative amnesia.

This dissociative amnesia fulfills the second criterion.

But it's even more than that.

HUGE MEGA SPOILER

Bea is accompanied through her journey by Cal. While Cal is originally presented as a human neighbor, he's later revealed to be Bea's former imaginary friend, who she forgot about. The entire time they interact, she has no memory of who Cal is or her adventures with him, despite Cal remembering and the other IFs being aware of Cal's connection to Bea.

The Other Criteria

Criterion C is a bit of a doozy. What constitutes "clinically significant" is up to the individual clinicians. But generally, experiencing random blackouts is probably going to be impairing.

(Ritual possession states also cause dissociative amnesia, but it's generally more controlled unlike Bea's episodes of memory loss.)

For criterion D, I would say the amnesia above couldn't be explained simply by imaginary playmates alone, even if her headmates are presenting as imaginary friends.

And for Criterion E, there is no substance abuse nor other medical conditions that we know of.

Trauma history

Trauma is not part of the diagnostic criteria, but chronic trauma does occur in upwards of 90% of DID cases.

In the opening, we see Bea's mother going in and out of the hospital.

Now, typically, the type of trauma that is associated with DID is some sort of neglect or abuse. And we don't see that in the flashbacks. But maybe we're just seeing the positive memories in what's meant to be a kid's movie. Maybe we're not seeing the times Bea is worried sick over her mother. The times her parents aren't there for her because there's more focus on her mom's condition. The times her dad couldn't be emotionally present because he was mourning the loss of his wife.

Could this be enough to cause DID? I genuinely have no idea. But since people process trauma in different ways, I think it could be traumatic enough for Bea.

And if this was tied to trauma from her mom, this explains too why this starts up only after Bea's father is in the hospital, bringing back that trauma she had from losing her mom.

In this scenario, all the imaginary friends are just Bea's own headmates, and the ending with them connecting with their hosts is just happening in their imagination/inner world.

All in all, I really love that the movie, despite its simplicity on the surface, opens itself up to so many interpretations.

But maybe this is all a distraction and we shouldn't actually focus too much on what's literally going on in the film.

What if… we focus instead on the message that you're never too old for imaginary friends?

As fun as these hypothetical are, I wonder if getting lost in them might be missing the point.

The core takeaway message of this movie is that you're never too old to have imaginary friends. And maybe more generally, to have fun and enjoy life. But let's focus on the imaginary friends thing because this blog is about plurality.

What's interesting is how this puts it in stark opposition to another plural-coded movie about a young girl with a forgotten imaginary friend: Inside Out.

In Inside Out, Bing Bong dies, giving his life to save Joy. And by extension, to save Riley. Symbolically, Bing Bong's death represented a popular view of imaginary friends needing to die so the host child can prosper.

And that view, despite permeating pop culture, isn't really based on anything but ableism and sanism. A centuries-old myth that imaginary friends are unhealthy without an ounce of data to actually back it up.

Studies actually tend to show children with imaginary friends to be pretty healthy. And the same goes for studies of adult tulpa systems who report mental health improvements due to their tulpas.

Bing Bong shouldn't have had to die, and I would argue that his death leaves Riley worse off than if he had survived or was brought back.

IF serves as a repudiation of Inside Out's stigmatization of imaginary friends, and it's portrayal of their death being necessary to growing up.

It did this by asking a simple question… what if?

What if how we've all been taught to think of imaginary friends is wrong?

What if more people wanted to reconnect with their old imaginary friends?

What would the world look like?

Like I said, my favorite interpretation is the spiritual one. Because then the movie ends by showing all these IFs get to reconnect with their hosts, and it's such a beautiful thing to see.

Even if I think the ending is a lie, I don't think the message is.

And it's a message that makes me, as a former imaginary friend myself, ask that same central question.

What if this movie could help lead to people re-valuating their own beliefs of imaginary friends and wanting to connect with their own from the past? How cool would that be?

If anyone out there is thinking back on their childhood imaginary friends and want to try to reconnect, my advice is to just do it. Because as the poster on the billboard says, I don't think imaginary friends ever truly disappear. They're somewhere inside as long as their memory remains.

For anyone out there who has imaginary friends right now that they think might be sentient like the ones in IF, you can check out my guide on how to know if your imaginary friend is sentient below:

And for anyone who never had a sentient IF of their own but wants one now, here is a huge collection of tulpamancy guides to get you started.

And as always, thank you all for reading! 💖

For more discussions about plurality in media, check out the Plurality of... Avatar The Last Airbender.

[plutowrites]

Hey! Can I get actor! Levi x non - showbiz gf hcs?

I’m a big fan of your writing and I’m just inlove

wow ok this made my mind go places...i kinda wrote a lot for a silly little ask game but this is such a good prompt omg

sry this took a bit! i hope u like it cutie

++ ahhh you're so sweet plsss thank you thank you mwah mwah ♡♡♡

i see Levi being an incredibly talented actor who is so dedicated to his craft and as a result, becomes really popular. however, he honestly couldn't care less about all the other aspects of being famous—he just wants to read his lines, perform his best and get tf off of set and go home to relax and drink some tea w/ you.

before he got with you, his agent heavily pushed him to get with another well known actor to create some buzz and help his image but he honestly wasn't into forcing a relationship with someone just because they were in the same industry as him. he's really big on developing real, organic feelings for someone who intrigues him and that someone just so happens to be you!

he's always telling you how he's one bozo co-star away from leaving showbiz forever, running off with you and opening up his own tea shop somewhere in the northwest. you two both know that would never happen—at least the whole leaving showbiz part would never happen because acting is Levi's calling in life; it's his passion and he's so damn good at it.

he loves bringing you along to work and have you behind the scenes. you bring him a lot of comfort and for him to know you're near him at all times helps to keep him calm on set. whenever some intern raises an eyebrow at you suspiciously and asks what your job is, Levi's quick to jump in to say you're his personal assistant and that no one should bother you about anything. safe to say no one approaches you ever after that.

rarely ever does interviews. completely despises them. he does attend award shows occasionally for his agency's sake and if he has to accept an award, his speech is very short and he always, always mentions you in some way. you were ofc the love of his life and it only made sense to ♡

he would prefer you to be on the more private side, only because he knows how parasitic and toxic hollywood is but would never stop you from being in the spotlight if you so wish to be.

spoils you and is so nonchalant about it??? like Levi will drop a BAG on a gift for you and won't even think twice about it. that's not to say he's irresponsible with his money because he really isn't at all, it's just that when it comes to you he wants to show in you in any way that he can that you mean the world to him and he appreciates how much you have to put up with in being with him.

on that note, sometimes he feels as if his profession burdens you. there's a lot of instances where he has to spend time away from you for press conferences, meetings, or having to travel to shoot different scenes. you have to reassure him that you're not going anywhere and even though he's gone quite a bit, the love you two share only grows stronger because of it.

loves to rehearse scenes with you from his upcoming productions but gets so damn flustered when a spicy one comes up and it's like LEVI! YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY OKAY DOING THESE SCENES WITH YOUR CO-STARS WHY ARE YOU SO SHY NOW HMM?

you just make him so weak in the knees and you're the only one who has this effect on him

overall you're the perfect match for heartthrob levi and there's no one else he'd rather share his life with♡

[naivety]

if dad didn’t need me right now, i don’t exaclty know what i would be for / what could you possibly kill that you love so much it would make the sun rise agian? ⓢ