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#also i'm really putting that url to use
warriorofyapping · 2 months
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Alphinaud's character development over the expansions has been so good. I remember how I used to not like him much, he was a bit snobbish and thought he was always in the right, he refused to accept when he was wrong. Yes, he's young, but 16 is old enough to know when you're wrong and to accept it. It didn't help how sheltered he was and how much the people around him allowed him to stay that way, hiding things from him when he should rightfully know them.
After what happened with the Crystal Braves, you could see how he realized just how his mindset came to bite him in the bud and we get to watch as he slowly begins growing as a person. He has his moments where he still struggles, but then he realizes and he backtracks, he tries again. We see him rely on the people around him more and accept help from them, especially the WoL, Estinien, and Ysayle during Heavensward.
You can't tell me that ARR-STB took place in less than a year, especially with all the traveling via land and sea alike the group had to do during Stormblood. We get to watch him grow over at least a year and then, in Shadowbringers, he grows again, just without us there. You can tell how he has matured a bit more during the near year he was in The First without us and it's nice to see the difference between the arrogant, stuck up kid we met and the boy he is now.
I love my son so much okay.....
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reinemichele · 8 months
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Okay we're making this quick and short, and then we can be detailed later
I switched antidepressants at the end of December, and it turns out I am allergic to the new one. I am allergic to a Lot of things, some of which aren't seasonal (like I mentioned being allergic to mold the other day... every day I wake up,) so I don't just have allergies in spring, it's 365 days a year.
So earlier in January when I was having hives and itchy, watery eyes, I assumed it was the ush, took benadryl (benadryl my friend benadryl), and moved on. But, towards January 20th, I started having trouble swallowing pills, struggling to breathe, and my throat/tongue felt swollen.
My mom's allergic to 2 medications, so I know what anaphylaxis is like. Hives are relatively harmless, your throat closing up is not. Any reasonable person would go to the ER, but...
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I've been there before, and it was basically what these reviews are saying. A wait time of 7+ hours despite visibly empty rooms, pain dismissed, staff that treats you like you're dog shit on their shoe. I have to be actively dying to go in there willingly again.
I had a follow-up appointment for January 30th, but as the days progressed, the anaphylaxis got worse, and it was taking longer for benadryl to help. When it had been 5 hours after I took benadryl and I was still struggling to breathe, I knew that I needed to just stop taking it.
I don't know if it was because of me being allergic to it, but... these withdrawals are the worst I've ever experienced. I don't want to list all the symptoms, but it's been Very Supremely Bad. At first I was worried about bursting into tears in the lobby, but I've barely been able to hold down food or sleep, so I got worried that I would be too weak to walk/stand up. I felt bad doing it, but I rescheduled the appointment, and it's tomorrow. So like, I'll be fine, over the last week the withdrawal symptoms have lessened in severity, I made it through the worst part of it in one piece even though it was a little scary
I wasn't sure when I wanted to talk about this, if at all, because I don't like being vulnerable and I kinda just wanted to pretend nothing was going on and continue posting silly things, but . this morning I decided to post about it today . because . last night I went bananas about sound horizon, and I realized it was like that one meme that's like "sorry I stopped posting about (x), I'm on mood stabilizers now"
Like, I'm kinda forced to stop taking my antidepressant, and I revert to my 12 yr old self and start cage-trilogy posting non-stop 😭
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(I'm mostly joking, part of me not being as active a la/urant was that:
We didn't get any new music from 2015-2023 (2021 if you count the prologue of ema, but that's still Six Years . do you know what the average shelf life of a kp/op song is? Like, at most 9 months. If people really like it, they'll start calling a song "timeless" after that point. If people don't like it, suddenly it's overplayed, overhyped, etc. When kp/op groups go more than 1 year without new music, people start accusing the management of mistreating the members 😭 We waited 6 years! And we've been waiting for the 8th album since 2010, in 2015 we got the 9th album, and this latest one is "8.5 or 9.5th" . I've been waiting for the album about timeloops/reincarnations for 14 years 😭😭😭 I know this sounds deranged but please every day I wake up)
Those ex-friends of mine I met through SH so I took a step back from listening as obsessively so I wouldn't associate my bad feelings with music I loved
Regular fandom burnout
The 9th album caused a huge schism in the fandom that caused a lot of hostility & stopped people from being as... "innocently" creative, less fanedits and theories and ask games/challenges about it. I think that's understandable to a certain point since it was 2015, but you can clearly see that everyone's afraid of putting posts in the tag, or asking others questions, etc. There were definitely things we didn't need to keep from 2008-2010 era fandom, like reposting fanart or talking about how much they hate (woman performer) for being on stage with (male performer), but the stiffness and hostility is really sad.
But when I realized I was like genuinely Coping with my Mental Illness the same way that I did at 13, too young to be on antidepressants and birth control... listening to the most fucked up, sad songs ever, I was like... that is funny as hell
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hiveswap · 8 months
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Summary of The Cat of The Year poll atrocities of 2023/2024
I'm sure that most people on this side of tumblr have seen the Jellie vs. Nefarious Anglerfish poll going around with like 60k votes at this point, and I'd really like clear up some of what happened since I was around for the whole thing.
Url blocked out for op's privacy. They have already left but don't look for it if you haven't seen it/don't harrass them if you already have.
1. The previous round (preparation)
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I discovered the poll in its previous round, needless to say she beat Jort's ass severely. This was around the 3rd of january, meaning that this round finished before jellie's passing with only about 7k votes. Op did add their own piece of propaganda from their main:
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...which was FINE. (except for stuff we'll see later) Of course running a poll while biased isn't ideal but I for one didn't even know they were the op until much later. I also added my own piece in a separate thread, and they didn't interact with it at all. There was no drama.
2. The Finale
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Jellie unfortunately passed away right before the starting of this poll, which was the catalyst for what happened next. Op did exactly as last time and added a slightly more mean spirited encouragement to vote for the other contestant. This is the point where I believe that i fucked up personally.
I added this thinkpiece accusing op of associating all mcyters with Dream (who we all hate for the record) despite them not alluding to him at all. This is because tumblr has a history of disimissing all mcyters as... everything that dream was been accused of. Op did allude to not caring for mcyt. but they didn't say what i accused them of. This is important to point out because this reblog of mine is still being spread. Jellie was in the lead at the time, but not by the time i woke up next morning.
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I won't be including anyone else's additions because I don't want to put blame on any specific person. Just felt like clearing up mine.
3. The Fuckening
Some time later op made this post to their personal blog:
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which is insanely shitty because, as other people have pointed out, the "lame ass youtube cat" didn't die to inconvinience op or ruin their fun, and people would have probably voted for her anyway because jelly is universally beloved in the mcyt community. This isn't anti democratic. This post was added to the poll with a caption saying op should not be running this poll, and it took off. Op later went on to say that this was a joke:
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This apology was not taken well by people, (including me) because "you were not meant to see it" isn't an apology and they still very much made fun of someone's pet dying. Safe to say this did not make the drama stop and only added fuel to the flame. I believe this was the point where the conversation of mcyt fans being unjustly sent hate to was reignited.
We should discuss that! it's a real thing that happens often and is equal to childish bullying. However, in this case, OP was the only one getting sent hate to my knowledge. The notes were mostly saturated by mcyt fans, and even now i can only find one or two hateful stance towards us under the whole 20k notes post.
4. Conclusions
Op posted a second apology to the catoftheyear blog to try and calm people down (i believe this is comprehensive and a lot better than the previous one) The blog was deactivated shortly after, so i only have my phone screenshots of it that i also added to the poll itself at some point:
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(Edit) Here's proof that op did not write the justification they got criticised for, from the notes of the original poll:
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This apology didn't get seen, or get accepted by enough people, so op made this statement on their personal:
Needless to say I am deeply dissapointed (and guilty) that it's come to this. Yes, op said tasteless things that made us all angry, but telling a human being to commit suicide is worse than being insensitive about a stranger's pet dying. Even after I posted about the blog being decatived i had someone come into my notes to wish that "they never find happiness" i mean wtf. This isn't like shipping where we can do whatever without the content creator's input. this is fucking harrowing and i can't imagine how i'd feel if this was done in my/my pet's name especially after losing them as recently as a week ago.
I hope no one from hermitcraft who is on here (let alone scar holy shit) learns about this like they did with previous lighthearted tournaments. If you truly respect the creators you claim to be a fan of as people, you do not tell people to kill themselves over them. And finally, let Jellie fucking rest, guys. she had a long, good life. I hope op can come back and also avoids behaving like this if they ever wish to do so. I'm angrier at mcytblr, though.
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erensangel444 · 11 months
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hey this had been playing on my mind so i was wondering if i could request a eren x fem reader. so what do you think about a scenario where eren is tutoring the girl and she is sitting on his lap while they study but she accidentally keeps shifting around and he gets hard and then things progress from there …
anonnie. you're killing me. tutor eren = my dream man
bjhTHIS IS AAHHH' THIS IS AAHHHH
okay lemme stop losing my mind n here you go....
content warnings: unprotected sex(WRAP IT BEFORE U TAP IT!!!), degradation, praise, choking, creampie.
word count: 6.2k
edit: so this actually turned into a whole fic ummmm my bad. i heard tutor eren and got a little carried away.....
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if anyone asked you, chemistry was the thing you hated most in this world. frankly, in your opinion, it was unnecessary and it made no sense! no matter how much you studied, the material seemed like another language to you.
inevitably, and much to your dismay, you were forced to get a tutor. you had never struggled so much in a subject before, so this was a first to you.
you needed a tutoring session as soon as possible, hoping to boost your grade in the class. when you had gotten the notification on your school email that you were assigned a tutor, you quickly opened it.
to: y/n5411@edu
from: chemistrydepartment@edu
Thank you for contacting us about enrolling with a tutor. This email is meant to notify you of your assigned tutor and provide you with their contact information. If you have any questions or are unable to view any contents of this email, please email us back or contact this number 913-470-8999. If you have any trouble getting in contact with your tutor, please also refer to the contact information just stated. Thank you!
URL to tutor information
you quickly opened the url, navigating the chemistry department website. once you logged in, your eyes widened when you read the name.
Tutor: Eren Jaeger
Contact Information: Phone - 913-875-9022
Email - erenjaeger4113@edu
this was just your luck. of course your tutor was the TA that you couldn't take your eyes off of when you were in class.
eren was a TA for your class section, so you saw him every monday, wednesday, and friday. for some reason, those were always the days you decided to ditch the sweatpants and put on light makeup.
eren was....hard not to notice. with his height and sea-green eyes, you couldn't help but glance over at him about 100 times throughout each class.
maybe that's why you were failing chemistry.
if he was your tutor, how were you meant to focus? you were convinced the universe was playing some sort of sick joke on you. either way, you had no choice but to play with the cards you were dealt. your next exam was at the end of this week, and there was no way they'd assign you a new tutor before then.
also, what reason were you meant to give them? you couldn't exactly send the chemistry department an email saying you had the hots for the tutor they assigned you, so you needed a new one.
you decided you could be civil enough to control yourself, and really focus on the material. you were here to get your degree, not to get heart eyes over some stupid boy.
you quickly drafted an email to eren,
to: erenjaeger4113@edu
from: y/n5411@edu
Hi Eren, my name is Y/N L/N. You were assigned as my tutor for chemistry 110, and I was wondering if you'd be open to go over material sometime this week? I'm really hoping to clarify some of the content before the exam on Friday, so it'd be great if you'd be free for a tutoring session. If not, I completely understand. Either way, thank you so much and have a great rest of your night.
Best,
Y/N L/N
you sent the email before you could stop yourself, and quickly shut your laptop. god, what were you getting yourself into?
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when you had woken up next morning, eren had emailed you back.
to: y/n5411@edu
from: erenjaeger4113@edu
Hi Y/N! I'm actually free tonight at 6 if that works for you? Would you be okay with meeting at my dorm? I live in Mckee Hall. We can study in the common room. You can come with some example questions of what's been confusing you. Take some practice problems from the lecture slides that you didn't understand and we'll work through them together. Let me know if tonight works. Have a great rest of your day!
Sincerely, Eren Jaeger
you had to stop yourself from blushing at his message. he was simply being polite and doing his job but for some reason you were smiling. you quickly drafted a reply thanking him and letting him know that tonight works and you'd see him then.
you shook your head, chastising yourself for getting all worked-up from a simple message. you closed your laptop and got ready for the day.
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you don't know why you were so nervous. it was 6pm, exactly, and you were standing outside the main door of Mckee Hall, where eren had told you to meet him.
the door opened, and there he was, a pretty smile on his face. "y/n, right?"
you nodded your head, unable to form words. eren had on a simple brown sweater with a white shirt underneath, and khaki pants. his hair was done up in a half up, half down style, a bun tied at the back of his head.
"here, come on in, s'cold," he said, holding the door open for you. you thanked him, walking inside. eren led you to the study room, asking if you were able to find the dorm alright, to which you said yes. you thanked him for "being able to schedule so soon," to which eren smiled, saying it was no problem.
once the two of you were settled in to the study room, eren asked if you had gone through the lecture slides. you stuttered out a "y-yeah," pulling your notebook out of your backpack, opening up to the page where you had written down the problems.
eren stood up abruptly, startling you slightly. he laughed softly, grabbing his chair and moving it to your side of the table, directly next to yours. "sorry, just thought it'd be easier if we were next to each other," he spoke, looking right at you, "is that alright?"
"yeah s'alright m-makes sense," you said, smiling softly before looking back down at your notebook. your cheeks felt so hot, and you felt embarrassed getting nervous simply due to his proximity.
as he got closer, a vanilla, woody scent waved by your nose. it must be his cologne. god, he was pretty, he could dress, and he smelt good! how were you supposed to focus for the next two hours?
"mmkay," eren mumbled, looking at your notebook, "you have really nice handwriting," he said, smiling over at you. you gave him a quiet, "thank you," as eren read the first problem.
"okay, okay, so walk me through this first one. how would you start it?"
you grabbed your pencil and started by writing out the variables you knew, "mhm, good," eren assured you as you continued. you made a mishap with your first calculation, and eren stopped you.
"okay, hold on," he said softly. "d'you mind if i steal your pencil real fast?" he asked. "oh-oh! yeah yeah of course," eren laughed at you softly. your fingers brushed his as you handed him the pencil, and you swear your heart skipped a beat.
"okay so when we have heating curves like this one, it's important to recognize which equation we need to use." you nodded your head.
"you already started off really well, by writing what variables you have, that was really really great," he said smiling. you swear your cheeks were growing hotter by the second.
"so there's 3 possible equations we can use and we can find the right one based on the variables we know we have. first, deltaH minus the specific heat capacity...."
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the two hours with eren seemed to go by in minutes. you were surprised that you were actually seeming to grasp some of the content. it helped how encouraging eren was, smiling and praising what you did correctly, and helping you re-route when you did something wrong.
he actually cheered when you did the last question correctly without any help from him, getting a "shh!" from another person in the study lounge. you giggled softly at his embarrassed face.
as you began to pack up, eren's voice caused your ears to perk up, "did you want to meet again this week to go over the study guide? and i can help with any questions you have as you work through it."
"u-uhm, yeah! that would be great, thank you so much," you smiled at him, eren returning an even bigger smile.
"does tuesday at 7 work?" eren asked, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. "that's perfect," you said, zipping yours closed. "o-okay, i'll see you then," he said, an almost shy demeanor taking over. "see you then," you copied, eren grinning at that. he held open the study lounge door for you, letting you walk out first.
you both paused, "well, uhm, thank you again, eren, this was really helpful,"
"of course, anytime, and i'll see you on tuesday," eren said. "tuesday," you smiled. "tuesday." eren said in a joking-serious tone causing you to giggle softly, his grin widening at the sound.
you started to walk away, giving eren a quick wave. eren gave you one back, smiling before he turned to walk up the staircase.
you couldn't help but grin the whole walk home.
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tuesday came, and at exactly 6:58pm you were walking towards the main door of Mckee Hall, surprised to see eren sitting outside on the bench, waiting for you.
he looked up from his phone, smiling when he saw you. he stood up, putting his hands in his pockets, "hey," he said softly, "hi," you said back, in the same tone.
"ready to get your chemistry on?" eren joked, causing you to laugh softly. "please never ever say that again," you joked, eren giggling.
eren scanned his id card to get the two of you into the building, holding the door open for you.
it was cute that he had waited outside for you, backpack on and everything. the two of you walked to the study room, eren asking about how your day had been.
your conversation came to an abrupt end when the two of you entered the study room, to see there were no tables open. you looked at each other with a sort of "what now?" look.
eren's cheeks flushed slightly pink, "well uhm, w-we could study up in my room, o-only if you want! i-i just figured since we're already here, and like if you don't want to that's completely okay because.." he began to ramble on, unable to hear your "eren," as you smiled. "i-i only suggested it because the lounge s'full, n like n-no funny business or anything, like obviously! and i uh..." you began to laugh, eren's rambling coming to a pause as he looked over at you.
he smiled, thinking to himself how pretty you were when you laughed. "eren," you said, once you had caught your breath, still smiling. "i'm more than okay with studying in your room"
"yeah?" he asked, his cheeks still a pretty pink. "yeah," you smiled, eren smiling softly before looking down at his shoes.
"u-uhm okay, alright, follow me," he said, leading you out of the study lounge and up to his room.
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eren's room was nothing like you expected. being in his room let you take a little peek inside his brain. in looking at eren, you wouldn't expect it, but he was actually quite the nerd.
the top of his desk was lined with books, and funko pops from different animes. you smiled softly at the little nanami kento funko pop.
his walls were lined with posters and canvases. "you watch cowboy bebop?" you said, smiling at the poster.
"yeah, s'one of my favorites," he said. "me too," you replied turning to look at him with a soft smile.
eren watched as you explored his room, smiling at the way you were so intrigued. "these canvases," you started, "did you paint these?"
"uhm yeah," he said, coming to stand next to you, "my mom's actually an artist, so i kinda get it from her i guess."
"they're beautiful, eren," you complimented, eren trying to stop his cheeks from getting any redder.
eventually after you had your fill, you had asked eren where you should sit. "uhm, you can take my bed, o-or the desk if you want! whichever one you prefer."
you plopped up on his bed, eren laughing softly at your jump. he grabbed your backpack for you, setting it next to you on the bed. "thank you," you said, eren smiling at you with a "mhm".
eventually, the two of you had gotten into the content of the study guide, eren helping you work through problems you were confused on, and explaining them to you.
at around 10pm, you guys had finished the study guide. "eren, i actually understand chemistry, it's a miracle," you joked, eren laughing softly. "seriously though," you continued, "thank you, you don't understand how big of a help you've been."
"well, you're a great student so s'not hard," eren smiled, and there came that fluttering feeling in your stomach again.
"have you eaten?" eren asked, catching you off guard. "i-i just realized, we kinda spent dinner time studying, and i was gonna go down to the kitchen n make some mac n cheese if, uh, if you want some?"
"y-yeah, i could go for some mac n' cheese."
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"i'm convinced you're gordon ramsey or some shit," you said as you took another bite of mac n cheese. eren laughed, "don't boost my ego like that."
as the two of you ate, you continued to converse about random things. the conversation initially started with you asking eren what his major was, which you found out, was biology. you laughed asking him why he TA'd for chemistry and not biology, and eren was quick to joke,
"i guess i'm just that multi-faceted, you know it's a struggle just having so much genius in my head," "oh shut up," you giggled, eren smiling over at you.
the conversation eventually drifted into anime, which the two of you bonded over. you were ranting about jujutsu kaisen,
"and i just don't get how people are complaining about this season's animation! like i'd like to see you do it, mr. i live in my mom's basement," eren snorted at that, causing you to laugh loudly.
it was a dinner filled with laughs and smiles, and that warm feeling in both of your chests that just would not go away.
and to be honest, neither of you wanted to let go of that feeling.
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since eren was a TA, he was also a proctor for the exams. he smiled when you came to the front to grab your scantron. he handed it to you, with a soft whisper of, "you're gonna do great, don't stress."
you smiled at him, walking back to your seat. and for the first time this year, the questions on your exam didn't look like a child's scribbling. you still struggled on some questions, but you mostly understood what you were doing.
for once, you finished the exam with a feeling of hope instead of impending doom.
and when you got your score back the next day, you had gotten an 85!
your first thought was that you couldn't wait to tell eren.
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"an 85!" he yelped. you nodded, biting your lip with a big smile. "holy shit, y/n!" he cheered, his arms wrapping around you in a big hug.
it caught you off guard, but you quickly melted into his embrace, hugging him back. after 10 seconds, eren pulled away, awkwardly putting his hands at his side.
"s-sorry!" he apologized, "just got really excited," he said softly, his cheeks that pretty shade of pink that they often turned.
"s'okay," you smiled, "thank you," was all you could say.
"i'm....i'm really proud of you," eren said softly.
that sentence had you on top of the world.
" i couldn't of done it without you, eren."
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december had quickly approached, and with it so had snowstorms and finals week. eren had continued to tutoring you, helping you cover content that had confused you during lectures, and providing you with weekly quizzes to help test your knowledge on each chapter.
now that finals week was here, you and eren had been in cram-mode. eren was intent on helping you ace this final, and he knew you could do it.
the two of you were in his room, as you usually were. after that first study session in his room, you asked eren if you guys could keep studying in his room. you said, "s'just nice in there. feels comfortable, i think it helps me focus," and who was he to say no?
if anything, the image of you on his bed, pencil in between your teeth was more than enough motivation for you guys to have your study sessions in his dorm room.
like now, you were sitting on his bed, in spandex and a big T-shirt. you had came in sweats and a sweatshirt, with your big winter coat over you.
when you had asked eren if you could take your sweats off, he was at a loss for words, just looking at you with wide eyes. "i-i have shorts on underneath," you promised, eren sputtering out words, "uhm, uh yeah, of course! s-sorry,"
when you had said shorts, eren wasn't expecting spandex that clung to your figure. he was trying his best to respectful, but, oh my god, he couldn't take his eyes off you.
and then your sweatshirt came off, revealing your big T-shirt, and he couldn't help but imagine how you'd look in one of his shirts. how you'd put it on in the morning, and the way it would drape over your figure. that combined with the image of you sat atop his bed, had him shifting in his pants.
he was doing his best to not pop a boner right now.
regardless, he was here to help you study! and that's what he was trying to do, but...you seemed distracted. your pencil was between your teeth as usual, but your eyes were glazed over with something he had never seen in you before.
you hadn't written anything in your notebook for the past 5 minutes. eren cleared his throat, causing you to shake your head slightly and let out a shaky breath.
"you good?" he asked, to which you gave a simple, "mhm."
eren didn't believe you.
"c'mere," he said, causing you to look at him, with raised eyebrows. "y/n, c'mere," he repeated. you listened, getting down from the bed.
he pushed the chair he was sitting in back from the desk slightly, "sit," was all he said. "h-huh?" you spoke softly, trying to stop your thighs from clenching together.
"y/n, you seem distracted up on the bed, so just sit n' i'll keep you focused. you can't do good on the exam if you spend our whole study session chewing on your pencil."
your cheeks were getting hotter, "o-okay," was all you said, sitting down on eren's lap.
eren was convinced he like to torture himself because the second you sat down on his lap, he was trying his best not to run his hand over your thighs.
eren let out a soft, shaky breath. "a-am i too heavy? m'sorry i-i can get up," you said, lifting yourself up from eren's lap. eren's hands came to your waist, pulling you back down, "mm mm s'not it, jus hot n here s'all."
"o-okay," eren stuttered, "walk me through problem 6," he said referencing to his open binder on the desk. "u-uhm" you said, your voice shaking, "so it's asking a-about dihedral angles."
you could feel yourself getting wet and you were beginning to curse yourself for wearing such thin spandex.
eren listened as you spoke, "so it's either psi, phi, or omega." "mhm, keep going," he said, voice low.
eren's eyes widened as you continued to speak. he doesn't think you notice how you're slightly rocking your hips over his lap.
fuck. he couldn't stop it even if he wanted to. his dick was starting to twitch in his pants, getting thicker as your pretty hips started to rock over him. the slightest whimpers were slipping out in between your words and eren swears he must of died and gone to heaven.
was it okay to put his hands on you now? could he? god, he wanted to so badly. would you be okay with it? fuck, if the way you were moving over his dick had anything to say about it, he thinks you'd be okay with it.
fuck it. eren brought his hands to your thigh, humming as you continued. you paused what you were saying, hips stuttering in their movements. "s'this okay?' eren asked. "y-yeah," you said, cringing at the whimper that accompanied your words.
"okay, keep working through the problem for me," eren sighed, his hands resting on your thighs. "uhm, so the psi angle is from the alpha carbon to the carbonyl carbon, and the, uhm.." you words began to drift off as eren's hands began to trace over your thighs.
"c'mon y/n, focus," eren said, resting his chin over your shoulder as he watched your hand shake as you held the pencil. "m'trying, i'm sorry," you said voice shaky, your hips still rocking over eren's lap.
"don't apologize, pretty girl. just finish the problem for me and then we can take a break," eren promised, his hands rubbing over the inside of your thighs now.
pretty girl. he was trying to kill you.
"o-okay, ren', i-i'll focus," you said softly. "u-uhm this angle, though, is from the alpha carbon to the nitrogen, w-which would uhm," eren's fingers were lightly rubbing over your clit through your spandex.
"c'mon baby spit it out. what would it be, you're s'close," eren hummed softly. "i-it would be t-the phi angle, p-please eren,"
eren was grinning at how desperate you had gotten, your hips were rocking with fervor now, and you had thrown your head back to rest on his shoulder, leaning your body into his as he rubbed over your clit.
"mmm good job, baby, so smart, hmm?" eren's dick was throbbing, you just looked so pretty for him. he couldn't take his eyes off of your face, the way your eyebrows scrunched together, your pretty lips open in an o-shape.
"c'mon baby tell me how smart you are," eren said, rubbing over your clit more intensely now. "i-i'm smart," you said breathlessly, rocking your hips into eren's hand. "yeah you are, angel," eren said, placing a soft kiss on your shoulder.
"n i think you deserve something for being so good, huh? whaddya' think?" "yes, yes, please ren', need it," you whined.
eren laughed at you softly, removing his hand from over your clit, and tapping at your thigh, "stand up, baby," he said lowly.
you whimpered at the loss of his touch, but listened nonetheless, standing up and turning around to face him. eren sat up straight, bringing his hands to your thighs once more. "so, so pretty," he murmured to himself. "wanna take this off for me, angel?" eren said, tugging at your shirt. "mhm," you hummed, lifting your shirt over your head.
"fuck me," eren sighed. you had on a pretty, lacy pink bra. eren was convinced he was the luckiest man on earth. "shorts too, baby," he said, and you were more than happy to oblige.
eren swore his heart was going to beat out of his chest. pretty pink underwear with a little bow in the middle. you were pure perfection. "oh my god, c'mere," he said pulling at your waist, having you straddle him. you giggled as he pulled you on top of him, the both of you smiling at one another.
your hands looped around his neck, and eren's hand came up to your face softly stroking your cheek. "you're so pretty, y'know that?" he said, his eyes entrapped with yours.
you couldn't take the attention, looking down. "mm mm, look at me," he said, his hand falling to your chin to force your eyes back on his. "so so pretty," he repeated, pulling you in for a kiss.
it was everything you had imagined and more. the way eren's lips moved against yours had your hips rocking in his lap once more. the soft sounds the both of you were making being muffled by the other's lips.
eren's tongue slipped in to your mouth, brushing against yours. eren pulled away, lips slick with spit. you were breathing heavily, pouting as you looked at eren.
"w-wanna see you too," you said, your hand bunched into his shirt. eren smiled at you, "yeah? help me take it off.""
your hands came to the bottom of his shirt lifting it up, eren grabbed at the neckline of his shirt to pull it over his head, but not before it got stuck slightly, causing the two of you to laugh.
he finally got it off, grinning at your pretty smile. your hands came to trace over his abs, looking back up at him and back down at them.
"let's get on the bed, hmm?" eren said, his hand coming back to rub softly at your cheek. you looked up at him, nodding. eren wrapped his arm around you, standing up. eren tossed you softly on to the bed, before joining you atop it.
you were laying down, head propped up on his pillow. eren hovered over you, leaning down for a kiss. what started off soft and slow, quickly became more desperate.
eren's hands were running over your body, yours arching into his. he took the chance to reach for the clasp of your bra and undo it. after feeling it come undone, you slid the straps over your arms and let it fall down slightly.
eren pulled away from your lips, grabbing your bra and tossing it down onto the floor. he looked down at your breasts, moaning at the sight. your nipples were stiff from the cold air.
eren didn't know what he wanted to do first, but he knew he had to have his lips on you. he kissed you once more, moving to your cheek, then your neck. he kissed down your shoulder, to your collarbone, finally landing one on your breasts.
he looked up at you before sucking a nipple into his mouth, evoking a soft whimper from you. his right hand began to tweak at your other nipple, rubbing the bud between his fingers, pinching and twisting softly.
he loved how reactive you were, the way you moaned and whimpered at each touch. he needed to taste you.
eren kissed down your stomach, right to the bow on your panties. his hands came to the hem of your panties as he looked up at you. "s'this okay?" he asked, wanting to make sure you were comfortable.
"s'more than okay, please touch me," you begged so sweetly, eren couldn't help but smile. he landed one more kiss right below your belly button before pulling your panties down your legs.
your panties were left dangling around your left foot as eren spread your thighs apart. you were dripping, your arousal evident as he took his fingers and spread you apart.
you were hiding your face in your hands when eren looked up at you. "getting shy on me now?" he asked, voice low. "there's no reason to be," he said, breathless as he watched you clench around nothing.
"s'so perfect," he muttered, before landing a kiss on your clit. his lips quickly wrapped around your clit, suckling softly at the bundle of nerves.
you were a mess, legs kicking, thighs trying to shut close around eren's head. he just put a hand around each thigh, and kept you spread open for him.
"ren', ren!" you whine, sounding like a broken record. eren was in heaven. there's no way he was letting you go anywhere after this.
he brought a finger down to your entrance, softly licking at your clit as he slid it in. his finger was reaching depths that yours never could. he curled it slightly, feeling that gummy, sensitive spot that had you losing your mind.
your hips bucked when he first touched it, eren laughing softly at your reaction. he continued to push his fingers against that spot, and you were going dumb, whining absolute nonsense, "mm oh my! oh e-eren oh fff-please!"
eren needed you to cum on his face, needed to see how pretty you looked when you reached your peak. he hadn't taken his eyes off of your face as he analyzed your every reaction and expression.
"r-ren', i-i'm gonna! gonna-oh!" you were trying to tell him you were close. eren understood, and sucked at your clit even harder, lightly grazing his teeth against it. you were so loud, he knows his dorm neighbors probably hated him.
"c'mon baby," he said, words muffled by his face pressed into your clit. your hips were grinding into his face now, your hands coming down to grab onto his hair. eren moaned at the feeling, the vibrations making you haywire.
you were so, so, so close, and with one final press of his fingers, your orgasm was washing over you, juices pooling out of you and into eren's mouth.
"mmmm" he hummed as he worked you through it. eren pulled away, his chin wet with your arousal. "ren', p-please kiss me," you said softly, your hands coming to his cheek as you pulled him up towards you.
his lips were on yours once more and you could taste yourself on his lips. "taste s'good, huh?" eren grinned at you. "w-wanna make you feel good, too," you said, your hand coming down to softly palm at eren's cock through his boxers.
"oh, fuck," he sighed, his forehead resting against yours. " can i, ren?" you asked so sweetly, your eyes boring into his. "y-yeah," he choked out.
you told him to sit back as you two swapped positions.
you were on your knees in front of eren, who had spread his legs enough to make room for you in between them. you pulled his boxers down along with his shorts, eren helping as he lifted himself off the bed so you could get them off.
his cock sprung out, hitting his stomach softly. he was so big, your mouth started to water. the tip was a blush red, his cock curved slightly. he was so thick, you didn't know how he was going to fit inside of you.
the second you wrapped your hand around his cock, eren was a goner. he was watching you so intently, and when your pretty lips opened to take his tip into your mouth, eren threw his head back with a soft groan.
he looked back down, watching as you sucked softly on the tip. when your eyes looked up to stare into his, eren whimpered. "d-doing so good, baby," he praised you, his hand coming to softly rest on your head.
you took his cock out of your mouth, looking up at him ever-so-innocently, "what do you wanna do to me, ren?"
you were stroking his cock, the pre-cum leaking from his tip helping you as your hand slip up and down. "f-fuck, oh my god," he whined.
"want you to use me however you want," you said, your pretty voice sweet and soft. "f-fuck, however i want?" eren said, voice breaking.
god, what were you doing to him?
"mhm," you hummed, kissing the tip softly. "c'mon ren," you pouted, "don't you wanna use my throat?" eren groaned, both of his hands coming down to rest on your cheeks now. "f-fuck, c'mon open up," he ordered, the change in his tone making your clit throb.
eren's hands move to your hair, wrapping around it. you opened your mouth, lips around eren's cock once more. "yeah just like that," eren said as he pushed your head down softly, forcing more of his cock down your throat.
"god, you take it so good," he sighed, his hips bucking at the feeling. you gagged softly, eren groaning at the feeling before pulling you off his cock.
you were breathing heavily, eyes watering slightly as you looked up at eren. "m-more, please," you whined, eren's thumb coming to play with your bottom lip.
"you're such a slut for it, hmm?" he said, his words causing you to whimper. "you like that too, don't you?" he spoke, voice gravely as he stared down at you.
"wanna be a good slut for me, yeah?" he asked, to which you nodded. eren softly slapped your cheek, "c'mon use your words for me,"
"y-yes eren wanna be your good slut."
eren was smirking down at you now, "then be good n choke on it," he said, bringing you back down to his cock. eren was moaning as you took him deeper, his hips bucking.
"f-fuck, oh y/n," he sighed, his hands falling from your hair. you took the chance to wrap your hand around his cock, stroking and sucking at the same time.
eren thinks he was starting to lose his mind. "g-god baby! go-gotta stop m' gonna cum," he was saying, his voice breaking in between the words.
you took his cock out of your mouth, still stroking him slowly. you looked up at him, smiling, and eren knew that image would forever be engrained in his brain.
"baby c'mere," he said, his hands coming to your cheeks as he pulled you in for a kiss. eren was smooth as he flipped your bodies over, hovering on top of you now.
"needa be inside you, pretty girl," eren said, his cock resting over your stomach. "h-hold on," he said, "i n-needa grab a condom."
your hands braced against his shoulders to stop him. "wanna feel you," you said, eren's eyes widening. "n, n i'm clean and i'm on birth control," you rationalized, as if eren needed a reason to be inside you raw.
"fuck, baby, are you sure?" "mhm," you nodded, pulling him in for a kiss. eren's hand wrapped around the base of his cock as he stroked the tip of his cock in between your folds. "f-fuck," eren moaned at the feeling of your wetness coating his tip.
every time his tip nudged your clit, you jolted, causing eren to smile devilishly. eren brought the tip down to your entrance, softly pushing inside. when the tip slipped in the both of you let out a soft sigh.
as eren pushed further in, you were whining. there was so much of him, so much to take. "you can do it, pretty girl," eren said softly, slowing pressing himself in further and further.
when he was fully inside, he just sat there, giving you a moment to adjust. he watched your face scrunch, getting used to the feeling of him inside of you.
he watched as your facial expression then relaxed, eyes opening to look at him. "s-so full," you whimpered, "p-please move," you whined, eager to feel eren more.
eren was quick to listen, pulling out till just the tip was in before thrusting back inside of you roughly. you both were reeling at the feeling, you from how deep eren was hitting, and eren from how wet and warm you felt around him.
"f-fuck, such a good fucking girl," eren moaned, his hand drifting up to rest on your neck. you took your hand and wrapped it around his rest, signaling you wanted more.
eren just grinned down at you before wrapping his hand around your neck. he couldn't help but think how pretty you looked being fucked stupid.
"god, the way you're squeezing around me baby, trying to milk me for all m'worth huh?" eren groaned. your legs were wrapped around him tight now, not wanting to let him go.
"please, please ren' want you to cum, w-want you to fill me up," you begged. if eren thought he was close before, he was right on the edge now, his hips stuttering as he spoke, "f-fuck, you want it inside?" eren asked, his eyes raking over your body, hand still wrapped around your pretty neck.
"p-please!" you whined, eren thrusting even faster now. "fuck, gotta cum for me then angel," eren said, taking his hand that was wrapped around your neck and bringing it down to your clit, his thumb rubbing circles on the bundle.
"f-fuck ren!" you were moaning loudly now, hips having a mind of their own, your wetness creating a squelching sound with each of eren's thrust.
"that's it baby, c'mon cum for me," eren was moaning too, so close, but he needed you to cum first. "show me how good you are," eren groaned, that being the final thing to tip you over the edge.
your orgasm triggered eren's, his warm cum filling you up as he moaned your name loudly, hips stuttering as pumped you full. "f-fuck" he sighed, as he came down from his high, looking down at your dazed-out expression.
"did so good for me baby," he said softly, pulling out of you. "t-thank you, ren," you said, your voice so soft.
"think after a shower n some food you'll be able to focus now?" eren joked. "mmm, i don't know," you said, turning to him with a smile, "think you may have to help me focus again."
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thank you for reading! i sincerely hope you enjoyed the fic<333
also for anyone who's watched the finale can we talk about cabin eren. oh my lawd i am feral over him!!!
if you would like to, reblog or leave comment if you liked the fic! my requests are also open:D
also if there are any spelling/grammar errors, let me know!
sending you all lots of love, and happiness - angel (*o*)
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vulpixisananimal · 4 months
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ISAT dashboard simulator. Cause why not.
(2 notes) 🔁🤍
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🌲 Favourite-tree Follow
I just got unfrozen and my family were decorating me like a crabbing tree. Smh.
🪨Stonningrolls155 follow
URL checks out
🌲Favourite-tree Follow
CRAB
#I. Forgot that's my URL.
(873 notes) 🔁❤️
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🪡 Looking-For-A-Star
Hey so a friend of mine keeps saying this word and like??? I've never heard it before and I can't find anything online??? "Star" is I think how it's spelled???
✌️Soven8735 Follow
@Explaining-that-headache.
🌌 Explaining-that-headache
Thanks for the tag!
You spelled it right OP. "Star" is a word that describes the glittering lights in the night sky. It's from a culture that gives you headaches to think about (I have a post about it). It's also used as an expletive kinda like Crab.
Your friend might be from the Island North of Vaugarde that gives you headaches to think about. If you or your friend is curious about it this blogs asks are, as always, open to questions.
🪡 Looking-For-A-Star
HUH! that's, really good to know! Thanks!
🌪️ Rampage-Ram Follow
You changed your URL so you wouldn't forget didn't you gay boy?
🪡 Looking-For-A-Star
NO I DIDN'T.
#DON'T CALL ME OUT
(1,767 notes) 🔁❤️
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🔘 Lookatmypost-boy-deactivated1252022
Hey look what I can do
💥 Not-making-bombs Follow
WHAT
🐜 Givemetheherbs Follow
MY CRABBING HEAD
✨ It's-pretty-treemendous
No notes headache post
(0 notes) 🔁🤍
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🎩Theoneandonly-poetry Follow
Do you think the saviors are posting?
✨ It's-pretty-treemendous
The saviors aren't real dw about it
⌛ Time-to-flight-grime Follow
Found the Kings blog.
✨ It's-pretty-treemendous
198.62.165
⌛ Time-to-flight-grime Follow
HELLO?!??!?
#Am I in danger?
(43 notes) 🔁🤍
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🌺 Graceadia-glowing Follow
Ok I know people are down bad for that savior from Ka Bue but have you SEEN that short one with the hat?!!?!?
🌺 Graceadia-glowing Follow
You think they're single?
✨ It's-pretty-treemendous
I'm taken, sorry.
🌺 Graceadia-glowing Follow
TSJXFGDIJGKXTSUV?!???!?!?
#SAVIOR IN MY THIRSTING POST?!?!? #I'M GOING TO GO INTO THE OCEAN NOW
(11,544 notes) 🔁❤️
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🐚Sleepiest-soldier Follow
Being frozen was nice put me back
#/joke #/half-joke #it was nice ok?
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adhdtsukasa · 3 months
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tsukasa tenma has ADHD!! except it's an actual analysis because 1. look at my url 2. i'm mentally unwell (and i started to love tsukasa mostly because i immediately recognized my ADHD traits in him). which is a thing i should probably leave for ADHD awareness month, HOWEVER!! it was my birthday yesterday and i wanted to spoil myself (i just kinda overlooked how much time writing it from scratch would take me, so i'm a bit late with it). and i reaaally don't wanna wait until november when i finally wrote it down because i'm so HYPED because i was preparing for it like what? two years? somewhere around it. and that's a LONG time.
please keep in mind that i'm no psychologist, psychiatrist nor a neurologist and while i do use some sources (cannot really confirm if they are true, though... because i forgot to write credits down... so i'm really sorry for that), most of this analysis was just based off on my personal experiences with the disorder (and i don't really have the full professional knowledge of what i struggle with i'm just a Boy). i mean, i am analyzing a character from a hatsune miku game. i think i'm already putting way too many effort than i should.
also the examples of tsukasa's behavior here are not all of the things, because i wrote down only the things i remember off from the top of my head. sorry, guys. my hyperactive ass is not sitting thru all the stories again just to get my crumbs, unfortunately.
anyways, with this a little bit unprofessional and messy introduction, let's get it started!
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1. THE MAIN PART OF THIS WHOLE THING, AKA HOW THE ADHD SYMPTOMS CORRESPOND TO TSUKASA'S BEHAVIOR
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i wanted to write it down in my own words, but i think the screen above has summed it up perfectly; there are some established symptoms of ADHD, but to be an ADHDer you don't have to experience them all. and this is going to explain why i'm gonna show a lot of these symptoms later, yet gonna connect only some of them with tsukasa. it's only these i have evidence for, and yet i think they're good enough to point at tsukasa and already say woah! an ADHDer!!
in short, there are three types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive (ADD) and combined. the combined one is the most common iirc, so that's also what i'm going to focus on today. especially since for a rep of the other types, i could say that shizuku's a rather great representation of ADD — but that's not the point of my ted talk today, so i'm not going to go into the detail about it. i'm sure some momojan or shizuku oshi would do better than me in this field, so i'm leaving it to the experts.
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these are the symptoms that i managed to gather — the first two screens being about the symptoms viewed in children, the last one being about the symptoms viewed in adults. "in which one of them tsukasa belongs to?" that's a good question, because i actually don't know. calling a high schooler a child doesn't sit quite right with me, yet a freshly turned 17/18-years-old is not exactly an adult, either (although most of the symptoms i'm analyzing come from these that are viewed in adults). and while i do think tsukasa has more of the symptoms viewed in adults, we're gonna analyse them all! because i'm putting my all into this.
FORGETFULNESS
i believe there's not much left to say, as this is the most obvious one and everyone already knows that. even though it's not touched that much anymore for some reason, tsukasa's forgetfulness is his very apparent trait. it varies in severity a lot of times: from him basically forgetting both his childhood and true feelings in the main story to him, for example, forgetting his own phone and lunch (in the same day!!) in hinamatsuri. even saki in the same event, while they were arguing, called him a "big, dumb forgetter" and assumed that he forgot what happened the day he brought her the hinamatsuri dolls to hospital. while forgetting basically half of your life is not exactly normal and can be a sign of something bigger, like dissociative amnesia, his forgetting of just the ordinary things and it happening a lot definitely still fits this trait.
EXCESSIVE TALKING/PHYSICAL MOVEMENT
while this is something that you'd rather connect to emu (and for a good reason), it's not like tsukasa is completely devoid of it either; he talks a lot. he moves a lot. it's not on emu's level of hyperactivity, but it's also not "a lot" that's taken as a social norm, based on how the people around him react. he's putting the 1 in oddball 1 2, after all.
in holy night or some side stories connected to it (it might be meiko's side story? but i'm not exactly sure) it was also said that tsukasa moves in his sleep a lot to this point that his parents have to leave his christmas presents under his door instead of next to his bed.
oh, and he also talks to himself a lot. even in class, which was confirmed in chapter 6 of dazzling (or maybe even earlier, it's just the one moment that i remember). (but i'll get to this moment later on)
he says his long monologues, he strikes his poses at every occasion — and while i don't think that's the first thing you think of when you have "excessive talking/movement" in mind, for me it sure does count as it.
LITTLE OR NO SENSE OF DANGER
this point can seem rather weird, because "isn't tsukasa always riddiculed at rui's weird inventions"? well, yeah, he is, that is not a thing to deny. but he also agrees to try out most of them, if not all, if it's for the sake of the show. he's aware of what can happen, but he also doesn't back away if it means that he'll be one step closer to achieving his dream of stardom.
does it count as "little sense of danger"? well, i'm actually not sure, for me it doesn't, but maybe for someone it does. i'd say that's a rather weak point, but i wanted to include the explanation for the counterpoint of it — that's why i even mentioned it in the first place. i don't have a lot to say about this tbh.
update: oh, actually no, wait, i just remembered. remember how tsukasa in phoenix decided to not eat anything for three days just to be able to resonate with rio, while also having to do straining exercise on top of that? you certainly cannot say that's a safe thing to do, but he still went along with that in order to get the role. it makes me come to a conclusion that tsukasa actually has a sense of danger, but sometimes chooses to willingly ignore it if only it makes him get closer to fulfilling his dream. i think it's coming close enough to the little/no sense of danger to be actually considered an ADHD trait.
DIFFICULTY KEEPING QUIET
while i'm not sure if what i'm going to talk about is a difficulty keeping quiet in a traditional sense of way, it definitely counts as it, somehow: tsukasa is loud. like, really loud. and that's another obvious fact both for us and for characters in-universe, especially when thinking of tsukasa shiho's first thought is that he's kinda noisy, which can be seen in the "a friend's brother" 1koma. (and probably a lot of other cases. free shiho.)
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tsukasa doesn't seem to realize that he's way louder than he should be and that him being loud is his first impression in most of the cases, though, or at least i don't remember any moment where it happens (and it's a possibility. then that's on me, i guess.). and yeah, i know what's the reason for it, obviously — he's supposed to be a comic relief character. because wansho's stories are mostly supposed to make you smile, as this is what wansho's aspiration is. however, as much as being intended to make the viewer laugh it wouldn't be, it still is a part of tsukasa's character, and a rather important one on top of that. his constant loudness is something that's definitely not considered normal by the society and could very well fit into this symptom.
and since i promised to elaborate on the mentioned before scene from dazzling chapter 6: when tsukasa talks to himself in class, it always ends up to be loud. and it already happened a few times.
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(tl by tsukasa's #3 fan on youtube because i don't have proseka on my phone wah)
if it's not a difficulty keeping quiet, then i don't know what is. bro can scream up to 120dB as measured by robonene for god's sake.
IRRITABILITY/QUICK TEMPER
again, this is something that was more apparent with early game tsukasa, maybe he just got medicated. idk man. but even if it happened three, almost four years ago, it still happened, i don't make the rules. back in the early game, tsukasa was really easily losing his temper and getting annoyed, mad even — i mean, that was the whole point of the main story argument: tsukasa's first response to nene accidentally messing up their show, which was not even her fault, was to shout at her. and while this was obviously very important thing to him and being upset at this is a rather understandable reaction, taking this as far as screaming at a poor girl for not being to face the audience because of her anxiety is not something a person who can control their anger would do.
it could be also easily seen by his reaction to emu and rui's antics back in the early game, which were often stained with irritation.
another example is his hinamatsuri argument with saki, where, despite loving her so much, he still got slightly mad at her for not liking the new dolls he bought her. he started to regret his harsh words and actions soon enough, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that it was rather easy for him to get him across.
INABILITY TO DEAL WITH STRESS
if i'm not mistaken, tsukasa has once said something along the lines of "is it anxiety? there's no way a star like me would feel anxiety" — but i cannot recall for the love of my life in which story it appeared, so i don't want to take it as a face value when i don't have a solid proof for it.
other than this vague mention of "something that's in the story but i don't remember where", i'll admit, i don't really have anything backing me up for this tbf. i mean, i guess maybe tsukasa doing his best to appear strong as a child to not worry his parents could work? because the stress of saki being in the hospital definitely was also present here, although i just see this more as a coping mechanism for his situation than a reaction to stress, so that's not a solid evidence either.
so, yeah. take this one with a grain of salt, actually.
from the symptoms that weren't listed here, i remember reading something about people with ADHD enjoying to show off more, which is certainly what tsukasa does often — and while it actually applies to me too, it wasn't on an english site so i didn't screenshot it and i cannot really find it anywhere in english... so even though i treat it just like my whole argument for the inability to deal with stress, i thought it's just worth mentioning.
however, there is obviously one more thing...
HYPERFIXATION/SPECIAL INTEREST
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obviously, i'm talking about acting here: for tsukasa, acting aligns with all these criterias. it is his deep passion; it is something highly engaging for him; it is sometimes all-consuming for him; he tunes out the world around him when he thinks about how can he possibly improve his acting (see: the dazzling moment i showed earlier. yeah, i like to use it as a backing point a lot, as you can see.); and it is something that is his life-long interest.
is it his special interest or his hyperfixation, though? well, it's hard to tell...? because while according to screen two, spinterest revolves around a topic and hyperfixation revolves around an activity, so it would qualify what tsukasa feels towards acting as a hyperfixation, it's still kinda hard for me to call it so because of its length. yes, screen three clearly says that hyperfixation can last years, but they mostly revolve around shorter periods of time, after all (my longest hyperfixation was just a year long, for example). i think it's up to you to determine whether you'd call tsukasa's love for acting a hyperfixation or a special interest, but it's something from these two most certainly.
i'm also a big fan of the headcanon that tsukasa's other spinterest is kaito ww it's in no way a canon evidence (unfortunately!), but kaito's 1* side story, where tsukasa and emu are watching kaito's show and tsukasa is explaining to her why kaito's wearing a scarf somewhat implies that tsukasa knew a thing or two about kaito before the main story. and i'm all for it. colopale let tsukasa be a kaito fanboy pleaseee.
2. I REALLY LIKE ANALYZING SONGS, IF YOU CAN'T TELL
those who have already read a few of my things probably know what i love to do the most — analyzing songs!! so i wouldn't be myself if i just left tsukasa's commisions without analyzing them under the angle of neurodivergence, especially since the sole reason i became obsessed with the thought of ADHD tsukasa was that one sekahaji line (there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse you will always be famous).
of course, remember that only the world hasn't even started yet should be taken as a canon value! producers are often given space to do whatever they want in the lyrics of the songs they are commissioned for, so they're not canonical in any way. i think it's still fun to look at their lyrics and ramble about them for a bit, though. i've already got too carried away anyways.
won't be posting photos of the lyrics since i'd hit the images limit, but you can check them yourself — all the translations i'm taking, as always, from the vocaloid lyrics wiki. (since filament fever has two tls on there, i want to clarify that i've only looked at and considered in my analysis the official english one, because it's, well, official.)
THE WORLD HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET
besides the mentioned earlier there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse, which i think of as a representation of overstimulation (since i used to see people asking "oh but why tsukasa has something about there being too much noise in a song made out of his feelings when he's such a loud person himself". because he likes the noise he makes, not the overwhelming, overstimulating noise from the outside!!), sekahaji also has a rather good amount of quotes that could be read as something connected to neurodivergence (based on the fact that it's not supposed to be a song about this topic): the main theme of these are procrastination, which can be seen in let's cross the end of all of this, partying forever and the world hasn't even started yet line itself. the thought of the world not even starting implies that there's still a lot of time left to do something, while "partying forever" can refer to deciding to give up on doing the things you should do and going to drown in something that indulges only you and yourself for the rest of eternity. while procrastination is not counted as an official ADHD symptom, it's a trait that people with the disorder very often have (for reasons obvious).
other lines, which i couldn't entirely fit into a box of a certain symptom, are there's too much conflict, so much conflict and it keeps growing (a parallel line to the noise one, so it means something! right) and let's break the plans for a harmonious future. in my personal interpretation, they both can be viewed as your typical neurodivergent struggle in a neurotypical society — "too much conflict" refering to an internal struggle of not being completely normal, while the "harmonious future" that's going to get broken are just the social norms that are going to be broken because of an off-putting, neurodivergent behavior. something that some neurotypical people dooon't really like.
TONDEMO-WONDERZ
since i've just talked about breaking the social norms, "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you, huh? line from tondemo-wonderz is going to go first, because it revolves around the same topic. it's the same case: it's about (subconscious, not intentional) fighting what's accepted by the society by just being yourself — because you're neurodivergent, you're different.
from the other lines in tondemo-wonderz, i have only one and it's take an eraser to your memories?!, which is pretty much self explanatory. as always, a mention of forgetting something in tsukasa's commision. who would've thought.
88 SHOOTING STARS
another self explanatory line that i have written down as first: it's okay if you only remember a little part of it sometimes. another mention of tsukasa forgor™, and while it corresponds with what happened in dazzling, it's still a line mentioning forgetfulness — so it's worth mentioning.
aren't we just inevitably going around in circles? and it's okay if you take a rest for a little bit sometimes can be interpreted as another mention of procrastination and while it's not that apparent as it was with sekahaji, because going in circles can refer to something else and taking a rest sometimes is not a bad thing at all, i still wanted to mention them here. for the record.
you ought to slip and fall in panic in the final moment is connected to a symptom that i showed, yet didn't elaborate on it (because i didn't have anything to work with) — making careless mistakes. the same case, yet with another symptom goes with is this not enough yet again? is this not how it's supposed to be? couldn't we go even further than this?, which can be seen as a reflection of unability to listen to instructions. a bit of reaching with this one (like this whole part damn), but as i said earlier: for the record, i'm leaving it here. to show that i had some intense thoughts.
tbf, when i think about it now, maybe the mentioned earlier "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you [...] could very well fit this symptom too.
MR SHOWTIME
mr showtime you will always be famous, because this is a song that gave me a looot of things to work with. i was so flabbergasted when i read these lyrics for the first time. tsukasa tenma why are you like this. /aff
there are a lot of lines hinting being easily distracted, and these are basically the very first ones, too: you know what? i just can't make up my mind, it's so messed up that i can't put my thoughts together and a merry-go-round (my thought process) goes round and round are all about it. like you cannot deny it this time, if it's not about being unable to stay focused then i really don't know what is [insert the tsukasa don't look away stamp here because i love it and it's my biggest motivation to actually focus whenever i do something]. the more i mess around and waste time, the more i become hungry / and i can't handle it can be seen as about procrastination again, and even not "can be seen", it's literally being frustrated at yourself for wasting time, that's the sole outcome of a procrastination!! being bothered by feeling anxious, meanwhile, is resonating with the inability to deal with stress once again.
also jumping the gun. driving in a zigzag manner can actually connected with the little to no sense of danger. because, as far as i'm aware, driving in a zigzag manner is certainly not a safe activity. don't do it at home.
from the symptoms that i haven't yet mentioned to this point, am i taking a long way? am i making a fruitless effort? can be reflecting difficulty organizing tasks — since the poor planning of your activities can make you take a long way and can make you do a fruitless effort. then, where's the fun in taking shortcuts all the time? can be read along the lines of something coming close to extreme impatience and while a person that's extremely impatient would actually enjoy taking the shortcuts to get closer to their goal or destination, said impatience can be also connected with the desire for something interesting to happen. a task can make you impatient not because it's long, but because it's simply boring — avoiding shortcuts can make it less boring, even if it extends its duration. with this explanation, it makes the unexpectedness (unexpected program) is the best part of the show (my life) perfectly fit into this category, even though i wouldn't call this line a sign of impatience on its own.
i have some issues with i'm pathetic. i can't satisfy myself, because... at first i thought of connecting it with either mood swings or inability to deal with stress, however i'm not sure if that's really it. i'm pretty sure it connects to neurodivergence in some way, but i just can't put my finger on it, so... i'm just leaving it here for the record, once again.
oh, and there's also i got lost in the world (stage) and / the end credits rolled (the curtain fell), which also is pretty much summing up the experience of being neurodivergent in the neurotypical society. in the middle of trying to stay true to yourself and having to mask just to be accepted, it's easy to get lost — and once you do so, there's no going back. the curtain falls.
to end this part of the analysis, i'd show the lyrics from filament fever and sekai wo terasu tetrad here. i won't do this, however, and the reason for it is fairly simple — they don't give me much material to work with and i'm not really surprised, because mr showtime has succesfully sucked all of the neurodivergent coded lyrics into itself. there just won't be another song like mr showtime, i fear.
i can just say that in filament fever there is running away from the flow of time — which got me thinking of either procrastination and unability to stick to time-consuming tasks, with the former being more plausible as a potential interpretation... but that would be it.
3. NAKAYAMA IS A METAPHOR FOR NEURODIVERGENT MASKING AND IT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER SAID BUT YOU HAVE TO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS
listen, i know how it sounds.
i'm not actually a fan of trying to fit every thing a character does into a box of a metaphor, symbol or allegory, i really am not. i think some things should just stay as simple as they are, but this thought has been bothering me ever since i've first seen spoilers of what's happening in a story where you're the star for the very first time. i'm in no way saying it has any canonical meaning, but i just thought it would be fun to include. because maaaybe someone sees my vision.
for those who haven't seen tsukasa4 yet or want to have a recap of what has happened in it: the whole event story revolves around tsukasa trying to grasp his role (as always). wxs got recommended to shunmei-za by shousuke and went there to practice their acting skills, immediately getting thrown onto the preparation for their next performance. tsukasa, however, is not a lead this time — he got the role of a supporting character and has got basically three lines to say on stage total. since tsukasa's used to playing lead roles, he obviously has issues with grasping the role — it's hard to use method acting in regards of a character that says three sentences total and nothing more. with help of bakuno reki, one of the actors in shunmei-za, and the rest of wxs, he manages to create a portrayal of nakayama that would make him "come to life" and "be a protagonist of his own story", something that would make it easier for him to get into role, however...
he gets a little bit too carried away with his acting during the actual performance.
and this is not something that would ruin the whole play, obviously, he's just a supporting character, the less invested audience would probably forgot about his impact on the story after five minutes of his last appearance — but he still made a slip-up. he still resonated with his role, but didn't achieve the utmost perfection. he still did well acting, after all, he managed to receive praise from the director in the end... but it's still a very apparent mistake that was made.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
(tl, once again, by the awesome tsukasa's #3 fan)
and that's where the nakayama masking metaphor theory (it's not even a theory but it sounds cooler this way) comes in.
nakayama is supposed to be just a man. from what we know about him, he's in his late twenties and works as an editor — and even though tsukasa makes up a whole backstory for him later on, he's still supposed to be ordinary. nothing special. he's coming nowhere near the other roles that tsukasa has played, he's not on the same level as miles, torpe and rio. and while you could possibly consider torpe and rio as rather ordinary, they still had something interesting to happen to them, the main reason why they were lead roles for their respective plays. in the tsukasa4 play, nakayama has nothing like that. he's literally just a guy, he's normal. and "normal" is a keyword here.
tsukasa did everything he could to fit into nakayama's role. he followed the script, he took the advice from a more talented and professional actor that is bakuno, he didn't do any mistakes during his preparations — and yet he still managed to mess up in the end. why?, besides of the fact that he just let himself become one with nakayama during the performance and it resulted in a supporting character outshining the lead?
if we take as a fact that tsukasa is, in fact, neurodivergent, it would make sense that he's having troubles with playing a normal person — because he's not exactly normal either. and this would very well work out as a metaphor of masking; even when you try your best, even when you mask yourself perfectly, you can still make slip-ups. you can still accidentally drop the act in middle of something that absolutely required it, or, similiar to what tsukasa did, can accidentally overdo it and end up perceived as even more weird than you'd be without masking. something something i got lost in the world and the end credits rolled. rings a bell?
and i'm not saying that tsukasa has a problem with masking, because he doesn't. he tries his best to pass as a normal member of society, but he also makes no effort in actively masking his weirdness (or else he wouldn't be a part of oddball one two). however, if you want to neurodivergent code your character, it would make sense to include a possibility of it in some way, right? especially since wxs stories' already had the theme of dealing with being perceived as weird (eg. rui's whole backstory, obviously). even if it's not affecting tsukasa directly, i think it would be cool to include something that indicates this issue's existence in his story and, in a way, his struggles.
however, as i said earlier, this is a very stupid thought and that's why i left it for the very end. i don't actually think that how tsukasa played nakayama was supposed to be a metaphor for masking, it's just a pure coincidence that it could be interpreted like that when you think about it too much.
aaand with this, we've finally come to an end!! (finally. i'm so exhausted.) i don't have anything more to say about this topic. maybe i'll retweet it with some more evidence in the future if we ever get more ADHDkasa content. for now, it would be all!
is tsukasa actually intentionally written as an ADHDer? Who Knows! there's a possibility that he is, but even if he's not, he's still one in my heart. regardless of the status of his possible neurodivergence, analyzing his behavior in this light was still very fun! and maybe i even converted someone into the ADHDkasa hell.
feel free to add something if you want to, and feel free to correct me if i got some things wrong! i still hope that even though of how messy this whole thing is written, i did tsukasa justice and didn't accidentally say too much nonsense lmao
...i hate ending analyses.
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copperbadge · 24 days
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Hi Sam, could you please recommend any resources/websites to learn about ADHD medication? Until reading your post about second-line meds I thought Adderal was the only one
I can definitely talk about it a little! Always bearing in mind that I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice, etc. etc.
So, I've had many friends with ADHD in my life before I got my diagnosis and I picked up some stuff from them even before getting diagnosed; I also spoke with my prescribing psychiatrist about options when we met. If you think your psychiatrist might be resistant to discussing options, or you don't have one, doing your own research is good, but it's not really a substitute for a specialist in medication management. So it's also important to know what your needs are -- ie, "I want help with my executive function but I need something that's nonaddictive" or "I want something nonsedative" or "I don't think the treatment I'm on is working, what is available outside of this kind of medication?"
The problems you run into with researching medication for ADHD are threefold:
Most well-informed sources aren't actually geared towards non-doctor adults who just want to know what their options are -- they're usually either doctors who don't know how to talk about medication to non-doctors, or doctors (and parents) talking to parents about pediatric options.
A huge number of sites when you google are either AI-generated, covert ads for stimulant addiction rehab, or both.
Reliable sites with easy-to-understand information are not updated super often.
So you just kind of have to be really alert and read the "page" itself for context clues -- is it a science journal, is it an organization that helps people with ADHD, is it a doctor, is it a rehab clinic, is it a drug advertiser, is it a random site with a weird URL that's probably AI generated, etc.
So for example, ADDitude Magazine, which is kind of the pre-eminent clearinghouse for non-scholarly information on ADHD, is a great place to start, but when the research is clearly outlined it sometimes isn't up-to-date, and when it's up-to-date it's often a little impenetrable. They have an extensive library of podcast/webinars, and I started this particular research with this one, but his slides aren't super well-organized, he flips back and forth between chemical and brand name, and he doesn't always designate which is which. However, he does have a couple of slides that list off a bunch of medications, so I just put those into a spreadsheet, gleaned what I could from him, and then searched each medication. I did find a pretty good chart at WebMD that at least gives you the types and brand names fairly visibly. (Fwiw with the webinar, I definitely spent more time skimming the transcript than listening to him, auto transcription isn't GOOD but it is helpful in speeding through stuff like that.)
I think, functionally, there are four types of meds for ADHD, and the more popular ones often have several variations. Sometimes this is just for dosage purposes -- like, if you have trouble swallowing pills there are some meds that come in liquids or patches, so it's useful to learn the chemical name rather than the brand name, because then you can identify several "brands" that all use the same chemical and start to differentiate between them.
Top of the list you have your methylphenidate and your amphetamine, those are the two types of stimulant medications; the most well known brand names for these are Ritalin (methylphenidate) and Adderall (amphetamine).
Then there's the nonstimulant medications, SNRIs (Strattera, for example) and Alpha-2 Agonists (guanfacine and clonidine, brand names Kapvay and Intuniv; I'm looking at these for a second-line medication). There's some crossover between these and the next category:
Antidepressants are sometimes helpful with ADHD symptoms as well as being helpful for depression; I haven't looked at these much because for me they feel like the nuclear option, but it's Dopamine reuptake inhibitors like Wellbutrin and tricyclics like Tofranil. If you're researching these you don't need to look at like, every antidepressant ever, just look for ones that are specifically mentioned in context with ADHD.
Lastly there are what I call the Offlabels -- medications that we understand to have an impact on ADHD for some people, but which aren't generally prescribed very often, and sometimes aren't approved for use. I don't know much about these, either, because they tend to be for complex cases that don't respond to the usual scrips and are particularly difficult to research. The one I have in my notes is memantine (brand name Namenda) which is primarily a dementia medication that has shown to be particularly helpful for social cognition in people with combined Autism/ADHD.
So yeah -- hopefully that's a start for you, but as with everything online, don't take my word for it -- I'm also a lay person and may get stuff wrong, so this is just what I've found and kept in my notes. Your best bet truly is to find a psychiatrist specializing in ADHD medication management and discuss your options with them. Good luck!
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toskarin · 6 months
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how did you get started making music, tools-wise?
I've talked about this a bit before and I don't necessarily recommend doing this, so skip the following two paragraphs and go right to the one under the break if you actually want the method I recommend
I lied to a girl I liked from my school and told her that, because I could play guitar I could also play piano, so I could teach her to play piano. both of these statements were lies.
I had to panic and learn both guitar and piano one week ahead of the lessons I was giving her as an excuse to hang out. so I self-taught in a haze of panic and "maybe she'll like me" (she did not) (but she kind of did) (but she was bicurious) (but she was wishy-washy on if she wanted to get together and her parents didn't like me) (and her parents were homophobic) (I think she might have texted me at one point years down the line to tell me she had a girlfriend but it was after I deleted our text history and I'm chronically unable to remember to put people's names into my contacts so who knows)
but that's all an aside. that's a bad method.
anyway if you want to start making music in earnest, doing what I did when I got serious about making songs instead of trying to impress girls whose parents wanted to destroy me with their minds here's a better answer
go acquire FL Studio. it's apparently really easy to do this because people have been acquiring it for years, or so I've heard. FL is good for learning because you've got 20 years worth of free tutorials available to you on youtube to dig through and plenty of stock vsts to play with out of the box
FL Studio is, realistically, the only tool you actually need to start making music. you could get away with less, but it's what I used, and as long as you don't pick up Specific Bad Habits, your experience with it will transfer to other DAWs if you decide to switch it later
that's all, really
if you go this route, the golden rule I'm going to impart on you right now is that you need to have a limiter on your songs. the default FL studio song templates have one, so you should keep it until you know enough to know why you might adjust something like that
it doesn't matter if it sounds fine in the editor without a limiter. everyone thinks it's not a big deal at the time, but as you get more experienced, there's literally nothing short of getting in legal trouble that you'll regret more than realising that your old work is almost entirely unsalvageable because you didn't put a limiter on it and now half of the audio is just lost data to clipping
I'm gonna put a few more recommendations for things I've used, just so you can consider them if you need something else to chew on. everything past this point is entirely optional and you'll do just fine with FL Studio alone. in fact, probably don't worry about everything below the line
-=-
items marked with [F] are free.
DIGITAL AUDIO WORKSTATIONS THAT AREN'T FL
for tracker-based editing and chiptunes, use Renoise. you'll either love or hate trackers, and while they have a steeper learning curve than piano roll DAWs, they might come more naturally to you. I personally think that Renoise is a lot of fun to use. it kinda has an "addictive" quality to it, as funny as that is to say
for quickly sketching songs, use [F]Jummbox. it's an html workstation (multiplatform!) that writes your sketches to a url, meaning it's pretty easy to collaborate on musical sketches. Jummbox is good for making chiptune style instrumentals, but what makes it especially accessible is the fact that it works on a piano roll system, which will be familiar to you if you're working in FL
for writing sheet music, I recommend starting with [F]Musescore. I'll warn you right now that there aren't really any good notation editors and you're making lesser-of-evils decisions when you pick any of them, but it's probably the best compromise out there right now. it's the one I use when I need to hand something to a physical musician. you can also export pieces as midi, although there's better ways to do that lol
-
VSTs
if you can acquire Pianoteq, do that. if you feel uncomfortable with acquiring it, [F]Keyzone Classic is free and can sound pretty nice with a bit of work, but you really have to learn to work with it
if your workstation can handle it performance-wise, go pick up [F]Vital - Spectral Warping Wavetable Synth. there's tons of free presets for this out there and it sounds good. cool synth. Serum: Advanced Wavetable Synthesizer is also good and has plenty of presets, but it's on the pricy side, so consider how comfortable you are with [finding a friend to buy it for you]
[F]Decent Sampler doesn't do much out of the box, because it's just a tool for playing sample banks, but if you go to [F]Pianobook, you can find tons of weird and fun sample packs of just about everything you can imagine. sounds derived from folk instruments, industrial equipment, lego sets, stylophones, choirs, whatever. incredibly useful.
Valhalla VintageVerb. this is the reverb plugin. you want this one. [F]Valhalla Super Massive is also good but it's more focused on alien-sounding reverb effects and enormous spaces, so it's kind of got a niche use case and you should be a little careful with it
if you've heard a lo-fi hip hop song on youtube, it probably used [F]iZotope Vinyl. this one can save you a lot of time if you're going for that sound because it comes with all the little vinyl flourishes outside of compression (like dust crackling) that you'd otherwise have to add yourself
[F]Genny VST is advertised as giving a genesis/megadrive sound, but what actually makes it shine is that it's an actual synth emulating the YM2612 and SN76489 sound chips. this means you can create your own sounds that work within those specs, which is a lot of fun! definitely beats just using samples, if you ask me
-
HARSH VSTS THAT I PERSONALLY LIKE BUT WHICH ALSO MIGHT !!HURT!! YOU. SO BE VERY CAREFUL USING THESE.
[F]Tritik Krush is a bitcrushing plugin. it does a good job of bitcrushing and downsampling. I use it a lot in my songs, but you've really gotta know how to keep this one under control, because it's fully capable of making painful sounds on accident and can completely devour your mix
[F]FSA Latcher is a gorgeous noisebox. it screams in horrible ways and makes dying machine noises in various colours. this is the musical equivalent of working with radioactive material, so be extremely careful using this in anything you don't want to hurt the listener's ears
girlfriend just told me I have to recommend [F]Noise Engineering Ruina to you if I'm making a category with this heading. I don't personally use it, but she likes it (she's better at music than I am) and it's free, so you should go pick it up. "it annihilates sounds very deliciously" (maybe I should use it)
-
hope that helps a bit!
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extant-exhaustion · 7 months
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Can I ask your top 10 fav fics ever (from any fandom, if you don't mind)?
Also, just curious, is there a story behind your name "extant-exhaustion "?
Well, first of all, thank you so much for your patience! I know it took me seven weeks to reply to this Ask! I agonized over my list (also, the holidays happened, which kept me busy). But I finally narrowed it down, so here we go, in no particular order:
My Top 10 Favorite Fanfics
In Another Life by LittleLuxray Haikyuu!! | T+ | 23k | Bokuto/Akaashi | angst, sickfic | It's famous for a reason. Truly one of the best pieces of writing I've ever read, including published works—I've rarely cried so hard or been moved so much.
died in my dreams by MTrash Haikyuu!! | T+ | 10k | Ushijima/Tendou | futuristic/cyberpunk AU, opposites attract, reluctant work partners to friends to lovers | fantastic characterization, really cool conceptually, a story about trauma and healing and finding your person
the weight of water by wordstruck/@redluxite Haikyuu!! | M | 6k | Iwaizumi/Oikawa | angst | Painful, soul-crushing heartbreak, but so, so beautiful. As someone who's experienced loss and grief, this story is visceral and the accompanying art haunts me.
Come and get lost with us by boxofwonder Haikyuu!! | M | 150k | Hinata/Kageyama, Daichi/Sugawara | action/adventure, Medieval AU(?) | unlike anything I've ever read before or since; a really masterful integration of an enormous cast and a plot that unravels with absolutely zero fluff or filler
shimmer in your shine by zenelly/@zenellyraen Hunter x Hunter | T+ | 91k | Leorio/Kurapika, Killua/Gon | American roadtrip AU | This story made me cry over a fist fight between Leorio and Illumi in the parking lot of a Red Lobster in Arkansas.
The Myth of Mankind by MistressEast/@mistresseast Promare | T+ | 63k | Galo/Lio | action/adventure, romance | masterful worldbuilding, kickass fight scenes, intrigue galore, falling in love while preventing mass murder? yes, please
A Second Chance To Say by KazimaKuwabara/@kazimakuwabara Yu Yu Hakusho | M | 92k | Yusuke/Kuwabara, Youko Kurama/Kuronue | action/adventure, hurt/comfort | ft. Kuronue's eternal sass and unwavering friendship, the slow burn of reincarnated already-in-love KuwaMeshi (because Kuwabara doesn't remember it), somewhat menacing levels of intrigue, and Hiei finally winning MVP of emotions on Team Urameshi
Don't Blink or You'll Miss It (Lift Up Your Head) by umisabaku/@umisabaku Kuroko no Basuke | M | 81k | Kagami/Kuroko, Kasamatsu/Kise, Midorima/Takao, Himuro/Murasakibara, Aomine/Momoi | super powers | This story and its accompanying series are so cool and so unique. The characterization is amazing and the worldbuilding is stellar.
neither fish, flesh, nor foam by twoif interactive on Twine Kuroko no Basuke | Kagami/Kuroko | angst, Little Mermaid–esque, interactive storytelling | incredible, but also devastating; a story about how sometimes our doubts can destroy not only ourselves but the good things we build; one of the coolest things I've ever interacted with as a story, a true tour de force
Transient Shadow, True Light by seafoamist/@seafoamist Kuroko no Basuke | M | 322k, WIP | Kagami/Kuroko | angst, hurt/comfort, time travel, historical (Edo Period) | If you talk to me about this story, I will go absolutely feral, because it is my current obsession and the only WIP that is on this list. I'm straight-up insane about its quality and depth. I can't even put this story into words. It knocks the wind out of me.
And lastly, my URL doesn't actually have a story behind it! It's basically just my life, haha. “Extant” is an adjective meaning “ongoing/still in existence” and “exhaustion” is pretty obvious. Essentially, I like alliteration and thought it sounded better than "tired 100% of the time."
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Text
Hi everyone. I've been putting some thought into the best way to bring this up without making light of it, since this is a serious topic and this is a very unserious blog. I don't want to reblog a bunch of individual posts without context and explanations attached, but if I find posts that I feel are thorough and explain what is going on, I may reblog them. Here is a summary, for anyone completely unaware of what is happening:
A trans woman (Rita, URL was Predstrogen, now Cyprederone) has had her account falsely flagged as NSFW and banned multiple times as a result of a transmisogynistic harassment campaign against her. You may have seen people talking about how her transition timeline has been flagged mature content, multiple times.
Support have been unhelpful when it comes to the harassment, and dubiously helpful about restoring accounts until this latest event.
People reached out to Photomatt about the topic, who is the CEO of Tumblr. He decided to respond, claiming that Rita was personally harassing him and posting death threats about him. This does not line up with the official reason why Rita was banned, which was "sexually explicit materials". The "death threat" was a slapstick post about an exploding car full of hammers. Matt threatened to contact the police or FBI about the threat, used neutral pronouns for Rita despite being informed of her pronouns, and even referred to her as 'it' in one sentence. He referred to Rita as "pergstrogen" in one post, which may be a particularly unfortunate typo, but may also be an ableist slur. He also sent people direct messages about the topic. Matt denied any possibility of transmisogyny playing a part, and suggested that people who feel this site is not safe for trans women should just leave to a different site.
Rita has been banned for life. Several people criticising Matt for this have also been banned.
Please pay attention to this, read other posts about it, look at Photomatt's blog (archived as of 21/02) to see the way he has handled this and Cyprederone's blog to see Rita's statement.
Here are all of Photomatt's posts about the topic, please check the notes of them to see people's responses as well as people archiving his comments. Edit: These posts have been deleted. I'm unsure if there is an archive somewhere of the comments, but these links are now the webarchive links to these posts.
You gonna do anything or make any statement about the rampant transmisogyny on this hellsite (original post with they/them) (first edit with "the account") (second edit with she/her) (archive of most recent edit)
I love this site and I’m sorry so many people are determined to ruin it.
So, the terfs and neonazis are fine, but a trans women giving threatening you is where you draw the line?
You should really feel bad about how transphobic tumblr is
all you ever do is drop the ban hammer on trans women you don't like, while casually ignoring the harassment they face
can I report your beahviour, or?
it's been four hours and nothing you've said has made this decision look better
Why did you misgender her lmao
❤ (heart emoji) [I don't yet have an archive of this. Please reach out if you have an archive of this, although there wasn't much relevant in this post.]
I'm continuing to get harassment and death threats here
My Beliefs and Principles
Tweeting Rita's saved URLs
He is further arguing with people on Twitter.
[Edit] Staff have now made a PR statement about the topic.
Please give trans women your love and support, and remember that this is deeply serious transmisogyny, not just an excuse to joke about car hammer explosions.
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shaunashipman · 4 months
Note
this is petty but since the deranged b*ddie stans are coming back out of the shadows, what *I* would like to see before the end of the season is for tommy and buck to have a little chat about eddie (maybe b/c tommy is a little insecure, or some other reason). and for tommy to say something to the effect of 'i have to ask because you're clearly so close... you said you've never thought you were interested in dating a guy before me... it didn't even cross your mind with eddie? and for buck to kind of laugh (in a sweet way) and say no, never. he can appreciate that eddie is an attractive guy (he does have eyes, duh) but no, it's never been like that. they're just super close best friends, more like brothers really. but no, buck's not interested in dating his found-family brother, thanks but no thanks. tommy is who he wants, nothing to worry about. THE END.
oh bring all the petty here babe, there's a reason my first url when I remade was saltandspite.
I love this, but I wanna be extra petty, so I'm envisioning a less serious scene, I don't want a hint of tommy actually being insecure about eddie, oooh maybe it's not even strictly about eddie
ok so, they're lying in bed, and tommy mentions that he used to have a little crush on chimney (stealing that headcanon) and buck's like, seriously? and tommy says, yeah he's hot, what you've never thought of him that way? and buck's all eww that's literally my brother. then tommy says, well what about eddie? and buck's like, yeah okay he's hot but still also basically my brother so no. then tommy gets a look in his eyes, cause he's a gremlin, and innocently asks, what about bobby? and buck gags and shoves him out bed, all, that's my dad, oh my god, why would you put that image in my head, i'm never sleeping with you again
(buck does not keep to that threat)
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neallo · 2 months
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i feel like i see a post in the fandom tag at least once a week now along the lines of "i really don't like mello x near it makes me uncomfortable..." which is like. fine, actually! these posts are not so bothersome as long as you're not putting it in the ship tag, and i haven't really seen it cropping up in the ship tag of late! so thanks @ the dislikers for exercising proper manners and so on (<- sincere). all this being said, i have to ask:
are you aware that you can block tags and post content?
there are a lot of new users on the site, i think, and people newish to the DN fandom in particular, so i ask this in a genuine manner with absolutely no malice or ill will. i'm not trying to be a dick and dunk on anyone who doesn't know how to use tumblr yet. it's not an intuitive website. HOWEVER, one of the nicer features of tumblr is that there are baked-in features that allow you to take measures to avoid content you find offputting!
in order to access these features, you'll want to go to settings and then to account. you will see the two following sections:
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as you can see. i use both of these tools :) [no hate to the moonriver and x reader girlies it's just not my thing and i didn't want to have to edit this screenshot bc i'm making the post on the fly all quick-like ;_;]
there are differences between these two features:
if you filter a tag, the post will be obscured on your dashboard and in the tags, even if the person who reblogged it didn't tag it, so long as the original poster did tag it (this is very handy for most ship content you don't want to see, because if you have enough iterations of the ship name blocked, very few posts slip through, even if you follow people who don't make a habit of tagging things). it will not, however, remove the post from your dashboard if the word / ship name is just mentioned in the post. that's where the second one comes in.
if you filter post content, any posts with the contained words will be obscured on your dashboard and in the tags. this is especially handy if you have a particular user whose posts bother you; you can put their URL into "filtered post content" and VOILA all their posts are behind a veil of mystery! now isn't that nifty. ofc, you can also just block people, but that doesn't remove their posts from your dashboard if someone you follow reblogs them, so this is a bit more of a ~complete~ method, and it's a nice one to use if you prefer not to have an extensive blocklist.
it may take some tweaking to figure out all the different tags and "content" you want to block -- i still occasionally find new ship name iterations i need to add -- but overall, this does generally do the trick! best of luck out there <3
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@hellsitegenetics
I love them
I didn't know I needed to know that the weed-smoking girlfriends post was genetically a wolf, but I did, and I do. Also puts great stuff on my dash.
it’s so fun to be scrolling unhinged posts and then boom. an organism!
so many moths‼ also, unexpected comedy with some of the matches
perfect blend of silly and informative, and makes for an excellent punchline at the end of a long post. puts creatures on my dash. literally what more could you ask for
It's a really unique blog concept and a lot of times the results are pretty funny. It's great when the sequence matches the post content too!
Creatures 👍
Finds beautiful creatures out of the mess of the hellsite
Offers finality AND gives us a creechur.
I love them. English speakers talk like moths
If this blog wins, they could run the text of the winning announcement, and determine the post's genus and species!
They're also very good about tagging the type of creature depicted in the results, so as long as you mute tags of creatures you don't want to see, it's a very fun time seeing iconic legacy posts (and new submissions) being reduced down to a string of letters and assigned a random species of fish or moth or something!
uhh it’s cool
BLAST
There are so many weird bugs in the world
Yippee!!
If, as Haldane said, God has an inordinate fondness for beetles, then surely this blog proves that Tumblr has an inordinate fondness for moths.
Top tier blog as a geneticist, I love seeing obscure organisms and MOTH
Admin got rate limited after trying to blast the bee movie
the knowledge of biology to pull this off (i have taken one biology class in my life) and also the work to find all the strings honestly deserves quite a bit of praise
This gimmick blog has it all: science, pictures of animals, interaction with the text of other peoples' posts, interesting information, and a unique and fun premise. As a biologist, I'm rooting for hellsitegenetics to reach the end and take the tournament, because it is truly a standout among gimmick blogs.
If they win, perhaps this blog too shall become a cool organism :3
@one-time-i-dreamt
people sometimes dont read the URL and think that the dream is something that actually happened. creates confusion and the funny
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orthodoxxing · 2 months
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this person is a confirmed scammer btw, who remakes a lot but look out for this profile picture bc they reuse it a lot
also look out for:
scammer claiming the money will be used to evacuate multiple people from gaza but the fundraiser goal is way too small, like hundreds or a couple thousand dollars
paypal instead of gfm does not immediately mean scam but it makes the blog suspicious because paypal hasn't been working in gaza for a while now. the paypal money pool fundraisers also hide the location of the organiser
scams about diabetic palestinians that often specify humalog - this is the same scammer again and again
scams that link to (often paypal) fundraisers organised by people with kenyan names or names popular in countries bordering kenya - again this is the same scammer again and again
if you want to publish an ask / donate, you can reverse image search their pictures & also copy their asks and search them into tumblr, because scammers tend to use other people's texts or reuse them from their own deactivated scam blogs
just because a blog claims to be vetted doesn't mean they are - especially when they don't mention any blog or the blog they mention is tagged but not hyperlinked (it means either the vetter has them blocked or they have the vetter blocked). please check, a lot of the vetting masterposts are easily searchable / spreadsheets
i don't want to talk about scams to discourage people from donating, but a lot of people have been mass reporting any ask they get & i think that's way way more harmful, which is why it's way better to know the signs of scams so you can automatically eliminate them before spending effort to check if the rest are real. scammers are not the unstoppable boogeyman, they're often fairly easy to spot, which is why there is really no excuse to blanket-accuse all palestinian tumblr accounts of being scammers. anyways i'm not an expert on scams or anything, this is just like half an hour's worth of research on my part, but i'm going to be using these takeaways in the future to vet my own asks so i thought it might be useful. people like @neechees @kyra45 and @anonthescambuster are doing the actual valuable work of teaching everyone all these things & putting together lists of confirmed scammers. u can also go to their blogs to search up any url u think might be a scam, or to just learn more abt scam busting
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callofdudes · 1 year
Note
could you do some hcs for platonic 141 and a techie/hacker reader? i’d love to see your take on their friendship with someone like that :) also love your work, thanks for making so many cool hcs and scenarios 🥰❤️❤️
I like this. This is good. 😄 Also thank you! I hope you enjoy your headcanons.
141 with a hacker/tech oriented teammate
Ghost 💀
Ghost is somewhat of a hacker himself. In the 09 game Ghost is the 141's hacker. Simon is in love with computers and codes. It's something of a hobby.
So when he meets you and discovers you are also a whizz with computers he's thrilled.
You two are both set up to work together and this is what brings you closer, bonding over your your shared skill set.
Sometimes you'll go to Ghost if you are having a particularly difficult problem, and him vice versa.
And despite Simon knowing everything there is to know about a computer from it's chip, to it's processing hardware, to the INS and outs of connecting wirelessly to and encrypted computer- he cannot figure out his own fucking phone.
Yeah yeah, laugh it up. He knows how to use it but sometimes he's socially inept.
"Sergeant. Johnny just sent me a link to this site... He put a smiley face emoji, and a... Heart?? Is this a threat?"
You take one took at the url and cringe. "Just ignore it. Don't click on it. I'm going to restrict Johnny's network access right now!"
Simon nods, not questioning it. Though he is curious what this site it. Knowing Johnny it can't be something innocent.
Simon also loves to spend his free time making complicated encrypted codes for you to puzzle through. If you're feeling bored he'll flip you a USB and tell you to clear the malware in an hour.
It's always fun.
And it's really what got the two of you close in the first place.
Simon always reaches out for your help in missions first.
"Y/n, can you open the door, it's blocked?"
"Is it online?"
"Bloody- yes it's online."
"Is there a key card for it??"
"Yeah... But I don't want to go look for it."
You chuckle. "Alright big guy, give me 2 seconds."
Johnny is scared of you two.
He came into the kitchen one morning and heard you using foreign 16 letter words and strange alien language while reading a book on computer engineering with Ghost. Worst part was, he spoke the strange language back!
Johnny thinks your aliens for a half minute until you define the words for him and he's good to go.
Simon knows you're a hacker, but he also tried to figure out your other hobbies. Like, maybe you take long walks around the neighborhood in the morning?? Or you play volleyball. Something like that.
He spends most of his time with you. He just likes hanging out with you in general. And after you rigged up a PS5 to the old ass TV in the common room it's been nonstop fun off duty.
He takes it upon himself to train you. You're both skilled but if there is something you aren't sure of or haven't faced before in your military training you'll go to him. And he's always willing to help.
Overall, Ghost really likes you. And he admires your skill. One day you might be as good a hacker as him 😉
Soap 🧼
You and Johnny are much more similar than you might think. Johnny does a bit of his own hacking when it comes to delaying a bomb, rewiring them or defusing them all together. So he knows a good thing or two.
He does a little bit of hacking, nothing spectacular like you or Ghost though.
Definitely asks you to hack the PS store so he can get more game points.
Asks you about video games in general. Yes, sure, your hacking is very professional and you use it for the missions but what about videogames!?
You find that jimmy rigging things for Johnny is just the best way to show your love. He came to you one afternoon asking if you could make one of his headphones play music and the other receive comms. From the others.
Silly Johnny.
Will ask you to somehow get the Christmas lights in his room connected to the main power. He is very disappointed when you tell him that electrician is a very different job from technician.
Will probably ask you to teach him some more advanced hacky stuff when he can. Definitely doesn't ask you for help pranking the recruits when it's tech involved. And you definitely don't occasionally help him.
Johnny is a bit scared by all the computer books on your shelf and all the big words inside. Your equally as scared by his quantum mechanics books and all his explosives manuals.
It's equal honestly.
He is like Ghost in the sense that when he could just ask you to do something for him instead of looking everywhere for something.
"Y/nnnnnnnn" he whines.
"What's up Johnny? Are you in the building yet??"
"No, it's locked and I don't know the code."
"Is it written down somewhere??"
"Y/n, could you just.... Open it??"
You chuckle. "Give me a minute buddy."
The door clicks and turns green. "Yippee! 😁" And in he goes.
You've found you need to wipe his phone every other month and set him up with an antivirus you need to remind him to pay for. Because he connects to any and all networks without a care.
MacDonald?? Connected. Ghost's hotspot?? Connected. Some random printer with one bar?? Definitely connected.
He's just kinda dumb like that.
You set up a little class for him about malware just to remind him.
You've started restricting his phone time so he can only use it for 4 hours a day before it completely shuts off. Just to tease him. Until he goes to Price and tattles ☹️
Johnny just thinks it's cool as shit. He didn't know it was an actual job for you? Like that's dope!
He likes to find different computer kits for you. The type of guy to dig old computers from the garbage and unpack it to get to the mother board.
If he finds a chip in there or a hard drive obviously he's gonna ask you to open it so he can snoop.
Johnny thinks your talent is really cool. He thinks you're really cool. And when you sit down and play video games with him even without all the hackers skill he still has fun.
Occasionally you are surprised when Johnny pulls out a super smash bros move so insane no one would ever attempt it in their right mind and wins.
So you both surprise each other with your different skills. You teach Johnny about computers, he teaches you about science and big things that go boom.
It's a nice partnership. Johnny would give this relationship 5 whole stars!!
Gaz 🧢
It immediately interests him. He's no hacker by trade, he has as much skill in the concept as Johnny does. But it really does catch his attention.
Wanting to spend a lot of his time alone, sometimes he enjoys just sitting there and watching you click away on your computer.
You even teach him a few things. Sometimes he'll feel like pointing out a code he's unfamiliar with or something else you do, and you're always happy to teach him.
Gaz is much quieter than the others, so you decide to make up some better headphones for him when on base so he can get the full quiet atmosphere experience.
He really like the glowing keyboard you have. (You know the one) he really likes it.
He isn't one to use you as a cheat code but sometimes you just like to spoil him. He doesn't want to ask you for unnecessary help when you are helping Captain Price across the building.
"Bloody hell, where is that stupid passcode!?" He looks around the desk, scattering papers in a hurry. If he doesn't get in this computer he would definitely be caught.
"Having some trouble Gaz??"
"I'm fine. Where is Captain Price at??"
You hum. Suddenly the computer in front of him flickers onto a loading screen and freezes. Several lines of code flash over the screen.
"Don't worry, using the wireless connection you set up earlier..."
The computer flashed on, past the passcode screen. "All clear sergeant."
He can't help chuckling. "Thanks."
He's 100% in the know of where to find all the best books and will often scan your shelves to see if your missing a volume of anything or if there is a new book he could get you.
He tries to make stuff for you. Like little computer decorations. It's a hobby of his making little decals and stickers, so your computer is glamorized in all of Gaz's little gifts.
Gaz isn't as interested in your computer sciences as Johnny, but he's also the only one you'll find lounging in your office at 2 in the morning reading one of your coding books because he couldn't sleep.
You flick on the lights in your office, startled when you see someone sitting in your chair. You sigh in relief when you see it's on Gaz, passed out with your heavy textbook open on his chest.
"Aw, buddy." You come over and gently tip his hat down, pulling the book from his arms. You slip a bookmark in it and place it on your desk for later.
He's much too heavy to lift him, so you drape a throw blanket over him and turn the lights off. You can do your stuff later.
Gaz thinks you're really cool. He likes to hang out with you and learn more about you. And you like learning more about him.
You're the type of friends to lay on his bed for hours saying nothing but happy in each other's presence. You could be on your computer and he can be reading. But each other's presence is what makes the interaction special, even if you don't talk.
Gaz is glad you came to the team. Your a good asset and a good friend.
Price 🥃
Your skills were what attracted Price to you first. He wanted you on his team once he heard of your level of skill. It would be nice to have two techies at his disposal.
But he didn't expect how well you'd get along with his soldiers. You were a tight knit group almost immediately, he couldn't ask for it differently.
He admires how much you care for the others, and how you're willing to use your skills to do seemingly silly things for the boys.
You're very smart, and he loves when you info dump on him. He's old enough that most of the topics you bring up he is familiar with. Maybe not a genius but you get used to certain terms and trades when you've been serving as long as he has.
And you're always surprised when he has a little tidbit of information to add to the conversation.
Now don't get me wrong, Price is very technologically aware. He can set off a missile by the flick of his wrist and shut down enemy hardware within an inch of his skin. But he doesn't know what to do when Facebook crashes.
Whether he overthinks it or he's just kinda stupid, you'll never know.
You might just be the hacker but he's always asking your opinion things. "These are electric doors, what would be the best way to get them open without attracting attention??"
Always gets your opinion.
He is the dad who will get you everything you need to further your hobby/job in the task force.
He always gets you new books and cool looking hardware.
"Knock knock."
You close your laptop halfway and pull off your headphones. "Come in."
Price smiles when he comes in, seeing you all set up on your bed. "Hey kiddo."
"Hey captain, need something?"
Price sat down and looked at what you were working on. "is that the new game Johnny has been ranting about you making him??"
"Yeah, it's just a simple code like the Google dinosaur game, I don't know why he's so excited 😅"
"Well, maybe these will help?" He pulls up a bag full of a couple books you'd been talking about buying of they weren't almost 50$ each.
"Price??" You pulled out the books. "Oh thank you."
"Any time." He ruffles your hair.
Literally the most supportive dad.
Sorry but you are his child now. He has adopted you into his little found family.
Again, he really likes letting you talk to him about what you're doing when you're on your computer.
And you've saved his butt more than once with your quick skills.
"I've got the wires set up y/n, it's your turn."
"I'm on, give me two seconds."
"Good, we don't want them to get alerted, Johnny and Gaz are near the west hall."
"Aaaaalright..." You are quiet for a moment. "Ok, cameras are blocked, you're free to move around."
"Copy that sergeant."
Like I said, supportive and protective dad.
You've been amazing support for the team both as a teammate and a friend. Overall he's really glad that you're a part of the team. Very valued, very loved.
He's glad he met you.
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forest-hashira · 5 months
Text
New Lengths
I CONTINUE TO PROVIDE ALL THE TRANSFEM GOJO CONTENT I WANT AND CAN'T FIND ELSEWHERE!!! this time back with the reader inserts! (there's a stsg transfem gojo piece on my ao3 account if anyone wants to read that too!) anyways sorry it's been so long since i updated this series, i got stuck for a while. once again huge thank you to cal (i forgot your url i'm so sorry update he's @dr-runs-with-scissors) bc he loves transfem gojo probably as much as i do and constantly encourages me to come back to her. love u friend 💜
series masterlist here | read on ao3 here | wc: ~2.3k | cw: transfem gojo (duh), gender neutral reader, fluff as usual, you trim her undercut, that's basically it lol
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The progression of Satoru making changes to her appearance was gradual, and you’d been with her every step of the way, encouraging her to take things at a pace that felt natural to her. 
Of course, you’d also been happy to indulge her at every turn, painting her nails every time she decided she wanted to try a different color – she’d amassed quite the collection of blues and glittery top coats since that first trip to the drugstore –  as well as helping her find different makeup products to try out, though most of that browsing was done online. 
A few weeks after she started wearing lip gloss out of the house, she’d gained the confidence to let you put a little bit of product on her brows and lashes. It wasn’t anything super noticeable, just a bit of clear gel, but she’d been ecstatic the whole day afterwards, her eyes sparkling behind her sunglasses. 
A few days after she started wearing the gloss and lash gel out of the house, you noticed her hair had gotten a bit longer, and it no longer stood up as straight when she wore the blindfold. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen any noticeable difference in the length of her hair, so you decided to bring it up.
“You haven’t been wearing your blindfold as much lately,” you murmured from your spot on the bed, gently rubbing some leave-in conditioner into her hair – not really anything fancy, just something to help keep it soft and fluffy – and giving her a gentle scalp massage in the process.
“Haven’t felt like it,” Satoru answered casually, leaning a bit further into your legs from her spot on the floor in front of you as you continued to work the product into the damp strands. “Feels better to wear the glasses when I wear product in my lashes, too. Doesn’t make everything feel crushed, I guess.”
You hummed, giving a small nod. The movements of your fingers slowed a bit, though you still continued to lightly scratch at her scalp the way you knew she liked. “Is your hair bothering you at all, either?” It was impossible to miss the way her shoulders tensed slightly at your question. “I noticed that it’s starting to fall in your face more than it used to, even with the blindfold on.”
She was silent for a few long moments, then nodded slightly. “Yeah, it does,” she agreed quietly, and when you looked further down, you could see she was rubbing her thumbs along the sides of her fingers, an anxious tic you’d noticed she had even before you’d started dating, but it seemed to have gotten worse since she’d started to transition in private.
The silence that settled over you then was tense, but not necessarily uncomfortable. When it became apparent to you that she wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence, though, you took a deep breath. “Do you want to grow it out, princess? Because you don’t have to, if you like your hair the length it is now. Plenty of women don’t grow their hair out long.” 
A shuddering sigh escaped her lips then, as if the words had given her permission to talk about changing this part of her appearance, permission to admit she was ready for another step forward. “I-I, uh…” Her voice faltered for a moment, but as always, you patiently waited until she was ready to speak again. “I think I do want to grow it out, yeah. B-but not the undercut, I wanna keep that short.”
“Yeah?” you murmured, smiling down at her as you trailed a hand lower, down the back of her head until you reached her undercut, gently scratching your nails across the area. “Hm, it could probably use a trim. But we can make sure to keep the rest long.” 
She relaxed into you a bit more again, and your expression softened.
“I know it’s a little late now, but do you want to contact your hairdresser about getting in to trim your undercut?”
Satoru grimaced slightly at your words, and she shook her head slightly. “You mean my barber? No, I don’t. Now that I’m transitioning… I don’t think I want to keep seeing him. Feels wrong.” She shifted a little, resting her cheek against your thigh. You could tell there was more behind her explanation of “feeling wrong” continuing to see her barber, but you weren’t going to push her to say any of it out loud; you had a pretty good idea of what she meant, anyways.
“That’s fine,” you assured her. “I can help you find another stylist, we can get you in to see someone then.”
“Well, actually…” she trailed off for a moment again, hesitating. “I was thinking… maybe you could trim it this time?” She tilted her head back to meet your gaze, her own blue eyes unsure. 
Your eyes widened in surprise at her words, and you blinked dumbly for a moment.
Taking your silence as hesitance, Satoru rushed to speak again. “Just this time! Just until I can find a new stylist. It’s getting long, and I really want it trimmed as soon as possible, and I’m still nervous—”
She was absolutely rambling, trying to fix the situation, when you cut her off. “I’ll trim it, princess. I don’t mind. I was just surprised, is all.” Wanting to make sure she understood that you were serious, you resumed scratching lightly at her scalp, smiling sweetly down at her.
Satoru practically melted at the touch, dropping like a puppet with the strings cut as the tension quickly left her body. She let out another shaky sigh, though now she was smiling slightly to herself, turning her head a bit further into your touch. “Thank you,” she murmured, pressing a sheepish little kiss to your knee.
The sensation tickled a bit, and you giggled softly, pulling your knee away from the touch out of reflex. “Of course, ‘Toru. Do you want to trim it now, or do you want to wait until tomorrow?” You really weren’t sure which way she would decide: she’d said she wanted a trim as much as possible, but she’d already showered and washed her hair that night, and you were certain she’d want to rinse any stray hairs off her skin once you were finished. 
“Are you okay with doing it tonight?” Her eyes were on yours again, her expression much more relaxed than before, and she blinked curiously up at you.
Once again, you were a bit surprised by her words, not having expected her to answer you so quickly, but you nodded easily. “Yeah, I’m fine with that.”
Her face lit up at your words, and she was quick to scramble to her feet. “Great!” she practically cheered, taking your hands and tugging you up from the edge of the bed.
Following her was easy, especially when she was so excited, and you couldn’t help but laugh softly at her eagerness; a sound born out of pure affection. You allowed her to pull you into the bathroom, standing and waiting patiently as she released you to pull a case from the cabinet. For a moment you were confused, until she opened it to reveal an electric beard trimmer and the guards to go with it.
“That’s what that thing is?” you asked, laughing again. “Why do you own those? I didn’t think you’d ever even grown facial hair.”
“I haven’t,” she confirmed with a smile. “Shoko got these for me as a joke a couple years ago. Not sure why I kept them all this time, honestly, but it looks like they’re coming in handy now, yeah?”
“They certainly are,” you agreed.
After looking over the set of guards, Satoru eventually picked the 1/8th of an inch length, and helped you get the guard attached to the trimmer.
Holding the trimmer in your hand, you looked her up and down, a slight frown on your face. “You’re too tall,” you said after a moment. “You’re gonna have to sit down so I can do this without accidentally making you bald.”
That got a laugh out of her. “I think I would prefer to keep at least some of my hair for now,” she teased lightly, but sat down on the closed toilet lid. “Better?”
“Yes,” you confirmed, relieved that it did, in fact, change the height difference enough for you to have a good angle. “Can you pull the rest of your hair out of the way? I need to get a towel to wrap around your shoulders.”
Satoru nodded, digging around in one of the drawers for a hair tie as you turned to the linen closet and grabbed a towel. By the time you turned back to face her, Satoru had managed to tie the rest of her hair up in a small ponytail on the very top of her head, and the way it stuck up made you giggle as you wrapped the towel around her shoulders.
“What?” she demanded, feigning indignance. “I look beautiful right now, I’ll have you know.”
“Beautiful like a flower getting ready to bloom,” you teased, pressing a quick kiss to her lips before moving around to stand behind her again. Picking up the clippers from where you’d set them on the counter, your whole demeanor grew serious again. “I need you to really try to stay still, okay ‘Toru?”
“I’ll try my best,” she promised, shooting you a reassuring smile over her shoulder. “I trust you.”
You did your best to smile back at her, then gently turned her head so she was facing away from you once again. Swallowing thickly, you switched the clippers on, your grip tightening slightly as they began to buzz in your hand. 
Not for the first time, you were glad that working as a sorcerer for so many years had given you reasonably steady hands, but right now you were especially thankful, because it meant there was a much lower chance that you would make some sort of mistake while trimming your girlfriend’s hair. You took your time, running the clippers in slow, straight passes up her scalp, watching as the little tufts of lavender-white hair drifted down and landed on the towel you’d draped around the sorceress’s shoulders before you started. 
A short while later, you were finished, and you shut off the clippers and set them aside. When Satoru began to move to get up, you were quick to stop her. “Hang on,” you told her, “let me wipe the hair off your neck.”
She settled again obediently, and you wet a washcloth, wringing out the excess water before turning back to her, gently running the damp fabric over her skin, murmuring a little apology when she jumped at the first touch.
When you were finished with that, you stood back, admiring your work. “Alright,” you said, smiling slightly to yourself. “All done.” You tossed the damp cloth into the sink to deal with later, and before she could do it herself, you pulled the towel from Satoru’s shoulders, careful to keep any of the trimmings from falling onto her or the floor.
“What do you think?” you asked, the two of you shuffling around each other a bit as she stood and moved to look in the mirror, and you stepped to the shower and shook the hair off the towel.
Satoru twisted and turned a bit, trying to get a good look in the mirror, eventually giving up and just running her fingers over it to test the length. “Hmm, yeah, much better,” she hummed, smiling at you in the mirror. “Thanks, baby.”
“You’re welcome, princess,” you told her easily, hanging up the towel. “Now, come on. It’s getting late and I want my princess cuddles.”
With a smile so bright it was nearly blinding, Satoru took your hand and led you back to the bedroom; even if she wasn’t feeling as tired as you were, she was always more than willing to indulge you in cuddles, because really, she adored them, too.
The two of you crawled into bed together, shuffling under the blankets and giggling quietly at each other as you pulled the blankets up over your shoulders. As you settled down, you realized your girlfriend’s hair was still pulled up in that goofy little ponytail, and you gently pulled the hair tie free, sliding it over your wrist in the process.
Her hair fell down around her head then, and as you tenderly brushed the strands from her eyes and tucked them behind her ear, you realized it really had gotten some length on it; the ends of her hair now rested only an inch or so above the bottom of her undercut, and you couldn’t help but twirl some of the strands between your fingers.
“Gonna have my own personal Rapunzel soon…” you yawned, offering her a sleepy smile.
Even in the dark of the bedroom, you could tell the words had her blushing fiercely. “I sure hope not,” she mumbled. “I don’t wanna be locked in a tower by an evil witch.”
A small hum of amusement escaped you, and you nuzzled a little closer to her, pressing a sleep-clumsy kiss to the corner of her lips. “Don’t worry,” you promised quietly. “I’d be your knight in shining armor and rescue from the tower, even if I had to climb up to you ‘cause you didn’t wanna get your hair dirty.”
Her bashful laugh was the last thing you heard as you drifted off, a gentle smile still curving your lips, one hand still fiddling with her hair.
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