#also i started working 36hrs a week so no time

[sparklypunk]

So....my bf bought me a pc... And ngl I'm thinking of doing let's plays again on yt

[islandpcosjourney]

Faith, Hope, Love

16th August 2023

I bought this new leather-bound refillable notebook for my new job when I started working with the Scottish Bible Society in June. Never did I think how much I would look at the three simple words on its cover and for it to be a daily reminder of God’s grace – the need to be reminded of his ultimate control over our world.

Faith – I have plenty of that. 

Hope – I can find plenty of that too.

Love – I definitely have plenty of that, receiving it and giving it.

We have finally navigated through all of the bureaucracy associated with the pre-IVF process, where you haven’t quite started but you technically have and still don’t know what’s ahead of you. 

I have written previously about my ups and downs relating to this process. I may have even mentioned my religion in relation to my anxiety about even starting this process. Well, we are well passed that stage now. We were referred, we waited, we have been tested and further tested, waited, and waited some more and now we have consented and have been given our start month – September. Now, all that means is that with the start of my September period, I go in for a scan on Day 3 to see if my body will allow them to start intervening on my behalf. In other words, checking to see that I don’t have any unwanted cysts lying around anywhere, that my endometrial layer is thick enough and that I am healthy enough to start pumping myself full of chemicals to get my ovaries working in full-blown Hulk mode 💚 It also means we will then be signing a child welfare form which is basically a contract between us and the HFEA to check/agree that we will be suitable parents. Kevin will have to be formally identified as "himself", in person, so that they can go ahead to use his fresh or frozen swimmers to be combined with whatever eggs they harvest out of me weeks later. I will also be taught how to self-inject subcutaneously for up to 10-12 days – oh the joys! I certainly can’t wait for that fun! They will also test me for blood-borne viruses.

So, what I meant by all of that was, we’ve been given a start month but that still doesn’t guarantee anything. It’s a bit like when Kevin is due home on crew change day. It is never certain that he will definitely be making his way home that day, until he’s physically off the ship and on dry land. Until that moment, absolutely anything can happen, and it has in the past. So, until that Day 3 appointment when all papers are signed and my body is given the all-clear to start being manipulated, your guess is as good as mine as to what the preceding month will look like 😉 However, I do now have a clearer picture of what it POTENTIALLY might look like. I am on a short (antagonist) protocol as I have a 5% risk of developing OHSS.

Day 1 – First day of period

Day 3 – Baseline scan & Ovaleap injections start (Follicle Stimulating Hormone)

Day 8 – Ganirelex injections start (ovarian down regulation)

Day 10 – Follicle scan to determine size of follicles – looking to find 3 follicles or more that are 17mm in size. If not, I continue hormone injection protocol and have a repeat scan in another 2 days’ time. Repeat scan every 2 days until follicles have grown enough.

From here on in, everything is dependent on how I am responding to the hormones to determine the next steps. Basically you can only go from one appointment to the next.

So, essentially from Day 10, you take each day as it comes.

Once I take the trigger injection (for eggs to reach final level of maturity), egg retrieval happens 36hrs later. So this could be as early as Day 12 or Day 14, basically around the usual time you’d expect to ovulate. So my plan is to be down at my Mum’s in Edinburgh from Day 10 of my cycle onwards as its from then when I’m either going to be back & forth to Dundee for scans every couple of days or preparing for egg collection straight away, depending on how I respond to the hormones. It’s worth noting here that the number of follicles growing does not equal the number of eggs collected. Sometimes there are no eggs within the follicles, sometimes there are several. IT IS SO MUCH TO TAKE IN! Pardon me if I repeat myself several times but I’m using this writing opportunity to process all that I have been told over the phone, over video consults and written down in letters, gathering together all the info to make it clear and concise for me to understand – you’d be surprised how unclear the whole process actually is! You have to figure out their wording for everything. I’ve been so “caught out” by expressions in the past. Like reading “Day 5 of Gonadotrophin injections” and working out that that means Day 8 of your cycle (because you start the injections on Day 3) and that having scans on Day 8 and Day 10 of your Ovarian stimulation (stims) means Day 10 and Day 12 of your cycle – one can see how it can all be confusing and that the way they measure everything is a new language to us. I perhaps need to get on board with their way of measuring, and I’m sure I will, but for now, my way to understand it is to compare it to my usual way of measuring my cycle, from Day 1 of my first bleed, as I’m used to.

It’s nothing I’m going to worry about though. I have been doing that and have had some very dark days about it all (ones where, if anyone had been around, they’d have been quite literally picking me up off the floor to hold me in the messy state I was in). Those days are, for the moment, being kept in check. We’ve been given a treatment diary where every important date will be filled in as we go along but knowing ahead of time that there’s a high probability of back & forth every couple of days from Day 10 onwards goes a long way to help us plan that I need to leave the island around Day 9 and expect not to be returning for a fortnight at least.

Initially, after my AMH test found I had a high egg reserve, I was told in an early document to expect a frozen transfer, that a fresh transfer would be unlikely as my body would be overloaded and needing a rest, so in my head I was only considering the time required to get from the baseline scan to egg collection. Beyond that would’ve been a couple months later when my body was then ready for an embryo transfer. However, I now know from my consultant that there’s only a 5% risk of OHSS and therefore I need to be preparing for a FRESH embryo transfer as standard, so that means that I need to account for another 5-day waiting window after the egg collection day to expect to be back in for a fresh transfer under sedation, possibly as soon as Day 17 onwards and then allow a number of days rest afterwards. But, if my ovaries become swollen to 8-9cm or blood estroegan is high or I’m symptomatic or collection retrieves more then 25 eggs – all eggs will be frozen. So, in theory the whole process could be as short as 3wks or up to 4wks long and this is the window that I am working to when I am working out whether or not it is advisable to go ahead to start in September, in the month leading up to the biggest week of the Gaelic calendar – the Royal National Mòd 😂

We started trying when we were 29 & I’m now about to turn 36. Time is not on our side, only God is in control of that, but time is not to be wasted as we only have 4 years left before our NHS funding and our own personal clock runs out – once we turn 40, we’ve agreed to let it all go and live our life in the fate that God has given us. Until then, we’re prepared to fight with all the energy we are blessed with.

We’re of course focusing on doing everything we can to help, but more importantly we’re focusing on our relationship & being us in a broken world where we are forced down this rabbit hole in search of the family we so desperately want. I lost myself in the past 7yrs and I will never get those moments back again. They haven’t been wasted, no. I found meaning in the pandemic where I finally got the chance to focus on my health. We’ve been back & forth with ideas of adoption, fostering and facing a child-less life. 

I’ve realised that for 12yrs since being told I may never have children, it’s ruled my life. All I ever wanted was to be a mum. I always talked about being a mum & having my own children, as many would at a young age, never possibly thinking that it might not be an option. To me, the innocent version of me, not being a mum wasn’t an option and to some extent I must regain that level of Faith & Hope. How I wish I could erase the information that I know and be that innocent girl who believes wholeheartedly that she WILL be a mum. No ifs, just no question about it. But above it all, above the waiting, the hoping, the letting go and letting God take over, or as I now have to think about it in some respects, letting the scientists take over (all the while praying that God’s will works within them to the best of their ability, whether they’re God-fearing or not – this is something I am requesting people to pray for - for the staff who’s care we will be under, who’s mortal hands will be guided by Him, to carry out his will) above all of that, is Love. Love that no matter what happens, is ever present and unconditional between us. We have spent years fighting our case, pleading our cause, kicking ourselves, being at our lowest and reaching the height and the depths we never thought we’d reach. But still, we love each other, no matter what, with or without a child. We used to dream of a house filled with children’s laughter but now, and we have not downgraded our dream, we dream only of 2 little lines on a pregnancy test. That is the step 1 we dream about. To us, that would be a dream come true, even just to get to that step. If I’ve learnt nothing from my health journey, of trying to regulate my menstrual cycles and get my weight down, it’s that yes you must have a long-term ultimate goal BUT in order to get there, you must have the tiny, achievable goals. We are well aware that my PCOS makes me 40% more likely to miscarry so we are fully aware that a positive pregnancy test does not equal a baby, or as the ACU unit call it, a live birth. Our NHS funding lasts until there is a “live birth”. As morbid as it sounds, that could even mean a baby born that dies of complications only hours after birth, complications which are even higher because of it being an IVF pregnancy. But to get back to the point, we pray for each tiny milestone along the way. At each and every stage, complications can arise but we can use them as a stepping stone to be grateful for.

Day 3 scan – get green light to start.

Hormone injections (stims) – at home in Lewis hopefully.

Day 8 & Day 10 of stims scans.

Trigger injection – at Mum’s in Edinburgh

Egg collection - under sedation & recovery period

Fertilisation - 70% success rate is normal expectation.

Blastocyst stage (125 cell-stage fertilised egg)

Best quality blastocyst identified for fresh transfer & any remaining good quality embryos sent into cryopreservation.

Embryo transfer - under sedation & recovery period

Pregnancy test - either it is a positive test, and we pray for the next stage for a viable pregnancy to continue (scan 2-3wks after test) or we’re back to square one again…..

Possible complications of each stage:

Headaches

Mood changes

Hot flushes

Night sweats

Nausea

Tiredness

Allergic reactions

Localised tenderness or injection site reactions

Weight gain

Abdominal pain

Diarrhoea

Breast tenderness

Ovarian cyst formation

Vaginal spotting

Vaginal irritation

Skin rashes

Shortness of breath

Risk of reduced response to drugs – cycle abandoned.

Risk of no eggs being collected – cycle abandoned.

Negative pregnancy test – move on to frozen transfers (if embryos are available) or next cycle.

Just remember, while this is an exciting prospect to finally be starting, the process itself is not exciting and there are no guarantees about a positive outcome, in fact, we have been given the stats of a 25% chance of success. While many people remind me, in a positive way, that 25% is still a good chance, try to think of it from the other way around as if you were dealing with the risk factors of agreeing to a surgery. If you were being told you only had a 25% chance of surviving that surgery, would you feel just as excited? Of course you’d hold on to the hope of that chance but you’d put your affairs in order because experience tells you that the number 75 is much bigger than 25 🤷🏻‍♀️

Being open, honest, raw & just plain & simply Me is the only way I know how to navigate this cruel journey. Kevin and I are very grateful for your support and understanding as we delve into a new world of anxiety & hormonal mood swings where he may fear for his life 😂😂😂😂😂

Faith, Hope & Love are important elements in this rollercoaster ride we’re on. Please pray that our Faith is deepened by progressing with treatment. Please pray that the Hope we have now remains strong throughout and doesn’t falter. Please also pray that the Love we have for each other develops our bond as a couple; supports us as we fall and need help; guides us to deal with each situation as we face it, wraps us up in everlasting trust and most of all, Love the God who is putting us through this pain.

Only he knows why we are going through this. 

Only he knows how to get us safely to the other side.

Only he has the power to grant us a miracle, in his name, Amen.

[suzieb-fit]

I started a 24-36hr fast last night.

I'm going to actually try a fully clean one.

Erm, why did I just say that publicly?

Hey, no promises. Depends how miserable it makes me 😂.

If I do stick to it, I'll maybe end tonight at 24hrs.

If I decide to go to my usual bulletproof dirty fasting, I'll officially break it tomorrow morning with a coconut cappucino at Costa.

I had a black filter coffee before my morning workout. Not too dreadful, but it's only early 😋.

And I'm doing a 48hr bulletproof starting Sunday afternoon to get ready for my two week holiday.

So after that clean hit of caffeine, it was time for cardio HIIT!

I usually go for strength for my first workout. Specifically upper body since my knee got messed up.

But I thought to heck with it. Get that heart pumping. Get those endorphins firing. And see how my legs cope with a bit of work.

I didn't go to full range of movement with the lunges, as they seem to cause the most discomfort. Also scales the squats down a little.

Excellent workout. Really glad I started my day with that!

[mollydollyjournals]

I feel so disgusting. I'm guessing that small bit of alcohol and the bad food I ate did this. My face is so big I can feel it squishing around. My belly is an entity all its own. My back rolls are fighting for space.

I said I'm fasting tomorrow but I figured I'd start the timer now. I guess it'll be 36hrs total? That's how I do 'one day' - it's between when I wake up and go to sleep, rather than just 24hrs, so it ends up being longer than that. I haven't properly done that in years but right now I feel like I just can't eat. I don't know why the fuck I binged so much. This was before the alcohol so it's not even that. And I literally had the equivalent of one small glass of wine.

My body is just in such bad condition. I'm going to drink water and try to have a number of cups or herbal tea. I'll need caffeine otherwise I'll get withdrawal from that, which is exhaustion and horrible headaches, and I really can't deal with any more head pain. So I'll have green tea. I'll try to figure out how many cups is the equivalent caffeine to what I normally have in coffee. Then I'll just have other herbal teas with detox and anti-inflammatory properties. Maybe a strawberry tea as a treat kind of thing. If that's allowed. I'm not sure. I'm going to avoid sugar, sweeteners and milks etc so maybe fruit tea counts as a sugar. I'll do some research I guess. I have orange juice in the fridge so if I start to get really weak or sick I can drink some of that quickly to break the fast and get my blood sugar levels up, but hopefully I won't have to.

Then I'm going to have to just go hard on salad and restriction and remember what even a small amount of alcohol seems to have done. Maybe I'll start weighing my salt so I know exactly how much in getting rather than guessing, just in case that's contributing to water retention. I want to cook and cool some things for meal prep and salads so I might do that tomorrow. If I feel like I can handle doing it while I fast, it'll be an easy way to make it look to hb like I'm still eating. If I don't trust myself with the temptation I guess I'll just have to risk that.

Maybe I should fast one day a week. I probably should. Really I should just...not drink. At all. I think I've done a lot of serious damage now. Im scared I'll be like this all the time forever. If that's the case I can never lose weight, unless it's muscle wastage. That terrifies me beyond description. I have to try fasting. I have to see if autophagy is really a thing and if it can help my organs. I'll still have proper food and nutrients the rest of the time as much as I can. But maybe I'll just start doing things like tea and juice fasts here and there.

Toilet tmi:

I also feel particularly gross because I couldn't go today. That often happens to me the day after I drink a lot, but I drank barely anything, and recently it's been more like 3-5x a day and really soft so this is the complete opposite and really sudden. I really want to take lax. But I know if I do that I'm fucking it up for later and I'll regret it. I'll have to just wait for it to go overactive again by itself. Kinda want that to be today if possible. But at least tomorrow. Also it'll make my weight higher so I'll feel even worse mentally. I wish my body would just work

I might do something like alternate eating days, where I have like 3x 500kcal meals a day made of high protein and healthy stuff, and restrict/fast days, where I do only tea or celery juice or lettuce and berries or something like that. I don't know how to get my metabolism going. I know I need to focus on organ health too. I'll need to do another blood test soon. I keep doing blood tests and then having another sickness episode so I have to do another test to see if that one did any damage. It's getting a lot worse every time but my blood tests still say my liver is mostly okay. I need those scans. Maybe this is the time my blood tests will finally say it's failing permanently. I don't know.

I'm really sleepy but I think I'm going to try to stay awake longer. I'm not sure. I have to go run a quick errand in a bit. Thankfully it won't take long, I'm too tired. But getting up and going for a walk is a good thing even if it's only short. I should try to walk outside more. Just the fucking pandemic. And one reason I only really work out at home is that if I start to feel sick or weak it's easy to stop, I literally just have to fall backwards onto the sofa. But if I'm outside somewhere then I have to get home. I don't know.

I ramble so much to keep my mind busy. Maybe I should write some lists or something. Do a fast/meal plan. Idk. Idk.

[bibliophilicwitch]

alright kids. time for an update.

after a 12hr day at the library for some unknown reason i struggled to fall asleep wed evening. luckily i didn’t have to work until noon, so i didn’t mind too terribly. though i do really prefer to get a good nights sleep with the hope to get up at a decent time in the morning and have time to relax in addition to puttering around the apartment and get a few things done. so that didn’t happen lol.

what did happen though was that i was unable to hold myself back and comment on a post from my cousin on facebook about people wanting better pay needing to go into trade jobs. i definitely feel that minimum wage needs to be upped, but recognize that there are issues with simply raising the minimum and other things need to be taken care of for it to be helpful and that trade jobs do need to get more attention and people need to be better educated on the opportunities in such careers. i feel that, while no one seemed willing to understand anyone else’s opinion, the discussion was still pretty good and didn’t get too hostile at all. i did unfollow my cousin’s feed though lol. back when trump was elected i got into many arguments with him and unfollowed his posts then to just remove myself from bad feelings with family and make everything better for myself. his posts for about a year or so have been very mild, but the last month or so there have been more and more that have raised my hackles. one other person did mostly support what i was saying though and helped me in my argument which made me feel better tbh.

and then i had to work at the pharmacy. shortly after arriving my pharmacist ended up taking a call with a patient in minnestota. there is no kroger very close to him, but he wants to use our savings program and have scripts mailed. unfortunately wisconsin law is that medication cannot be mailed over state borders and this patient had not been told this in addition to medications having been mailed once already. our young pharmacy manager tried to explain to the patient that it is against the law, that he apologizes for the patient being told one thing and that unfortunately though we had mailed out once we would be unable to continue to do so. the patient was surely and wouldn’t understand that he had been told the wrong thing and that we would be unable to continue because the pharmacist could possibly loose his license if he would continue to break the law. our pharmacist even explained that if there was anyone the patient knew in the area, they could pick up the medication for the patient and they could then mail it to the patient - we would even give them the packing stuff. he was providing the patient with a loophole that the patient refused to accept. the conversation was just bad with the pharmacy manager being yelled at. he ended the phone call my practically slamming the phone.

the worst part of that was that someone had told the patient this would be okay and it had been done once already. it was me. i had taken the initial call. thing is shopko had mailed scripts to snow birds in florida and such so i had no reason to suspect it was illegal. i know in the midst of the first fill it was mentioned that we weren’t suppose to mail over the border, but i was never told to call the patient and tell them we could not actually mail to them. so it went under the radar until now. due to how angry my pharmacy manager was i did not own up to being a part of this issue. usually i admit to mistakes so others don’t get in trouble and accept it as a chance to learn. but yeah, he was way too damn angry to feel comfortable stepping up.

so shortly after the call a patient at release decided to be unruly also. the patient had been in the day before raising a fuss about his script refills being weird - i didn’t catch the extent of this situation. my pharmacist did his best to explain that yesterday’s pharmacist had called around and gotten it as straightened out as he could and that what the patient now had would need to be taken up with his doctor if he still felt it was an issue. the patient just would not understand what my pharmacist was explaining to him and kept insisting there was something else wrong that needed to be corrected. it ended with my pharmacist saying that he couldn’t help patients like the one in front of him if he was stuck arguing with patients at the window......

one of my coworkers and i in the back immediately whipped our heads and looked at one another with our mouths wide. because holy shit you don’t say that in customer service lmao. so my pharmacist spent most of the day until maybe 6ish stewing about those specific negative interactions all day on top of a few other feisty patient comments and feeling overwhelmed with falling behind on processing scripts, performing vaccinations, needing to find a minute to make a compound, having notes from yesterday’s pharmacist on things to be addressed, amongst many other odds and ends. and then there was me having to close with him just not excited about the foul mood. 

we talked a little bit in the evening because he finally started to cool off. he said the first situation was so frustrating because he had been caught in a mistake he had not had part in and that the second one his temper had gotten the better of him because he had still been riled up from the phone call. he apologized recognizing that his anger was surely felt by the rest of his staff and i admitted that i had been wary of him all afternoon. i had given him space while he simmer not wanting to get caught in any crossfire. additionally i’m to empathetic for that negativity and was just doing my best to not get dragged down.

we also were struggling to keep up and i ended up staying an hour and a half late to finish filling everything for the next day and put away most of the scripts ready for picked up since they were piled and likely to fall all over.

and then i realized the back of my throat was acting stupid and sure enough as i was trying to fall asleep i was able to determine i had the start of a cold and the irritation kept me up until like 2am. my coworker and i ended up chatting via text. i knew for the last oh month or so i’ve been feeling like we do not have enough staff and/or time and consistently overwhelmed, but she shared that it has been really bad on the days i’m not there as well. in fast last week she had a panic attack from how overwhelmed she was on top of our pharmacy manager being shit at constructive criticism and working with us to learn. we’ve discussed how difficult he can be, but he is also young and brand new to management, so we are both understanding of giving him slack and trying to communicate with him when he does or says something that was out of line or what have you. 

so huh can shopko reopen please????

today i’m working at the library and it has been quiet and calm. but man that was a rough like 36hrs lol

[musicalmelody001]

The last few weeks.

Me: *Gives two weeks notice at my job after getting hired at a MUCH better paying place*

Me: *almost totals my car in a crash*

Me: *spent $200 on my sister's b-day party only for her to say "Fuck You" and walk out on the whole thing b/c she didn't like the pinata*

Me: *uses my last paycheck from previous job to buy groceries*

Me: *has been told my start date for new job pushed back 2 weeks*

Bf *stays over at my place almost every night for the last month and eats all his meals here*

Me: *notes that we are almost completely out of groceries*

Room-mate: *quits job with no warning, a week before rent is due*

Me: *has been eating .5-1.5 meals a day for the last three weeks*

R-m: *increases food consumption from to 4 meals a day and plays videigames instead of applying for jobs*

Me: *Starts working my butt off at work on and off the clock, but it'll be 3-4 weeks before my first paycheck*

Bf: *complaind about making most of the meals, even though he has me do all the cleaning, and I don't eat most of them*

R-m: "You need to get paid soon."

Me: *realizes we are almost out of our back-up food staples and starts reducing food consumption*

Bf: "Hey, you need to buy groceries."

Me: *has had a bottle of water, a can of pepsi, and one slice of cheese in the last 36hrs*

Me: *still hasn't gotten paid yet*

Me: *still hasn't gotten my car back from the shop b/c money*

R-m: "Hey, we need more food."

Mom: "Hey, I could really use your help with some finances! You still owe me for helping you get that apartment!"

R-m: "Jesus christ, just get paid already!"

Bf: "Hey, seriously, you're out of groceries."

Me: *has literally 38 cents in bank account*

R-m: *food-shames me for some un-fucking-known ass reason*

Bf: *starts another fight about me needing to clean dishes so he can cook, also why does HE always have to cook (he volunteers), maybe I should help out more?!*

Me: *stays up until 2am simultaniously doing work and trying to make bf feel better, ends up making the food he wanted*

Rm: "Dude, you need to buy more food."

Me: *still hasn't gotten paid and has run out of med refills, and can't pay for the Dr. Appt to get them renewed, having anxiety attacks about how the fuck to pay rent this month*

Me: *is waken up by room-mate at 10am on my day off to be told we need more food*

Me: *it's been two hours since then and I've been told by my room-mate 3 times today that we need food, and 2 times to "get paid already."*

This is the third time today I've been reminded today that we need groceries, and wouldn't be suprised if it's the THIRTIETH time this week. I don't get paid for another few days. I'm about to slap a bitch.

[femchef]

So. Back in September I received a job offer - It was in Nashville, which is an 8 hour drive from Savannah, GA, and I talked about it with risu and he was cool with checking it out. We drove up and I interviewed with a few other places and ended up getting hired at a pretty amazing restaurant (different from the original offer). I put in my two weeks and in October risu’s dad hitched up the travel trailer and I stayed at an RV park for a month while I started working, apartment hunting and saving up for the apartment deposit (risu came up a couple weeks after me, after finding a job with a different company).

So let’s put a little perspective on the finances here: both of us working full time in Georgia, two car payments, phone bill, storage/rent, each of us working 5-6 days a week, we had about 700$ between us, checking, savings and the little bit I make selling knitting patterns on the side. That’s it - gas on the way up already costs over 100$ per vehicle, the stay in the park was 275$, so we came to this new place with about 425$ between the two of us. That is all we could save working full time FOR YEARS in Georgia. We both have good careers and skills we’ve spent around 10 years developing.

And then we move up to Nashville and holy fucking fuck because suddenly:

- getting paid and being able to save money EVERY MONTH (frankly, I went from working 50 hour weeks and making 700$mo to working 36hr weeks and making 2400$mo it is absurd) - appreciated at work for the work I do - working LESS HOURS

This applies to both of us - risu was suffocating for 10 years with the same company because they didn’t want to promote him, preferring to keep him in the same position without paying him for all of the extra work he put in. Less than a year with a rival company and he’s two months away from the promotion he was trying to work towards in Savannah.

The first time my new boss told our chef “That was Jess’s idea isn’t it great?” I just about sobbed. I have never been so appreciated (it helps that all we talk about in the bakery is cute animals, my boss’s bby and cats and also we connect over disliking confrontation).

I sort of knew before that quality of life was important - but I wasn’t able to conceptualize it. The difference between this last year so far, where I’m happy, and less stressed and where my depression and anxiety is more of a mild irritant verses last year where I was a barely functioning depression blob who could barely move off the bed to feed the cats let alone feed myself is fucking frightening. The brain problems are still there, they’re not going to go away - but life being better makes coping possible/feasible/doable.

I think the thing I want to make a point of is that financial stability in regards to mental stability matters way more than a lot of people (especially people who don’t experience depression) realize. I just. Yeah.

[abadpoetwithdreams]

I am supposed to start my overnight 8hr shift in 3hrs but still haven't been able to get any sleep with all this blasted coughing, so after approx. 36hrs no sleep I've finally caved and texted my boss to explain my situation and to ask if he prefers I attempt the shift or take sick time. I honestly would rather take the shift because I am stupidly team player like that (I blame long years of team dancing) and I feel horrid even approaching the possibility of calling out on an important work shift like this one, but I also am coughing with basically every breath and I do not want to accidentally infect my coworkers due to a misplaced stubbornness and sense of duty. This week has been an absolute nightmare--and that's just on a personal level, when taken in conjunction with the political horrors going on in my country, it passes straight by nightmare into some rare kind of murderous sleep paralysis.

[rossl32123]

Overcast Clouds, 24°C

Port Stephens NSW 2319, Australia

Sea Whisper racing? Yes, I decided I wanted to do some thing interesting with the boat this summer, so I enterred in the Pittwater to Coffs Harbour boat race run by the RMYC. I knew I was going to need a crew, so I posted to friends and family on Facebook, and ended up with 3 other mates keen to go along, but not much in the way of experience at all. Kevin has always had boats, mainly for fishing. Hugh and Adam are mates through the RFS, and know very little about boats and sailing. So I set about organising some training. It was impossible to get a day when any more than one at a time could attend, so I ran two separate induction days, Kevin missing out because he lives in Coffs Harbour. I wasnt too worried about that because I think he just wanted to bum a ride home after Xmas with his family down here), and I knew he would be OK at sea provided he had a rod in his hand. The inductions went very well, I had two keen sailors in the making. What was going to be hard I suspected was the paper work. its a poor excuse I know but I couldn't access the race web site on my phone, it was impossible to log into it because my phone screen wasn't big enough. So I didn't get onto the paperwork side of registration, and there were things that had to be done, like putting the crew through a Safety at Sea course, getting category 3+ certification, being measured for one or the other racing classes, etc etc. So I had to withdraw my entry. But my crew were still keen to do the race, just not officially. Then I lost two of my crew! One to a bad back, and the other to the lure of work bonuses over the holiday period. So it was just Adam and me. Race day came and we made a leasurely start across our own personal start line, winds were good, albeit from dead on the nose, and we plugged our way out through Broken Bay. We weren't trying too hard, taking a speedy 60° tack, as opposed to a slower 45°, and as a consequence the landscape slipped by exceedingly slowly. Avoca Beach just would not go away at one stage. Adam struggled a bit with the pace of it. We saw the race fleet exit Pittwater not long after we had. They were keeping much closer to the coast, and taking much tighter lines into wind. I'd like to be able to say that we let them go, but the truth is, we were never going to be competitive. They were all gone before night fell. So we sailed on, lunchtime came and went, although Avoca Beach didn't. Then I thought I'd try and prepare some wraps. Cutting spring onions with the boat on a lean is interesting. There was plenty of leftover Xmas ham to use up, although curiously it's still left over! Finally darkness descended and we found ourselves off Long Jetty, still tacking, still with a long way to go. It was a late evening meal, I had managed to get my speciality into the oven about 8 o'clock, so it wasn't ready until 9pm. Adam informed me that he was usually starving by 6pm, anyway, slow cooked lamb with assorted vegetables cooked in the camp oven. Unfortunately, it took me too long to get it out of the oven and onto the plates and I exceeded my safe time below decks. Another first, my first chunder off my own boat! At least it left more room for dinner. We set watches to 2hrs max, I took 10-12, 2-4 etc. Just before midnight I got Adam up early, as a coal ship had turned onto our track and was gaining on us, but he was just lining up in the roadstead to anchor, so I went below. We plugged on, finally clearing the last of the coal ships about sunrise, but now we were right in their path as they came and went from Newcastle, so we had to keep our eyes open. We plugged along Stockton Beach, we could see all the fishermen and four wheel drives plying the sea and sands, and as we neared the end of the beach we could see the lighthouse on Stephens Island slowly getting closer, but the wind was also slowly rising, so we had to lose the genoa and put a reef in the mainsail. This is always unfortunate with Sea Whisper because that one sail means the loss of about 2 kts through the water, and leads to considerable wallowing and leeway. We were forced to revise our ETA for Nelson Bay 3 times as the lighthouse just didn't seem to be getting any closer. I've found the only thing that helps in this situation is to use the motor to help reduce the leeway, that seems to also help bear up into the wind a bit more, but it's still all very slow work. Finally we got around the last of the foul ground off the light, and we could ease the sheets, get the genoa out again and get some action happening. What a long trip, 36 hours of tacking, and 5min of reaching, and even then the tide was running out at a good 2kts. We were pretty done in, and the forcast was for another two days of the same! Adam organised a berth in the main marina, the only thing left to do was find it and get into it. It was dark when we made the entrance. Fortunately our pen was at the end of the finger, only required a 150° left turn to get in. Unfortunately I cut the corner and we ran out of room to make the turn. Fortunately people appeared out of nowhere (actually they appeared out of the boats in the surrounding pens) to help, and with lots of varying forms of advice we got in. Phew. It was tight. We attended to 1st, 2nd and 3rd orders of business, then headed out for tea. We should have done that first, everything except Woollies and the pub was shut by the time we were presentable. So we bought some salmon, went back to the boat and Adam cooked a fine supper. Late again, sorry mate. Next day Adam decided to jump ship, the marina manager decided our oil slick was insignificant, I decided to stay another night and the weather decided to throw in a 30+ day. I had a few things to do onboard, but I quickly lost interest in drying wet bed sheets and swabbing floors etc, so I waltzed off for a walk, to strike up a perspective on the last couple of days at sea. I was dissappointed I have to admit. The overriding feeling I had was that we hadn't made our objective, it was hard work tacking non stop for 36hrs, and I didn't want to do any more of it. Particularly if the wind was going to be less than 5kts, or more than 15. That came as a bit of a surprise. How would I manage a week of it? Or a month? And on my own? I have consoled myself that these northeastern winds can be hugely advantagious going home. And I'm not racing, I can just stay put if I have to. However, I was still hoping to get to Coffs, there was a southerly forecast for the weekend, then back to the northeast. I'd wait and see how it panned out. The next day the marina manager decided I was out, someone had complained about my oil slick! About a week previous I had sprayed my anchor winch motor with about half a can of corrosion inhibitor, and it had run off down through the chain locker and was dripping out of the drain hole causing an embarrassing slick around my boat and off down the finger. Oh well, I couldn't afford another night anyway, not at $144pn, so I made ready to leave. Before going I made a visit to the chandlers, I needed another pump for that gearbox cooler. So far it's chewed up three Rule in line pumps, time for a change. I'd fit it when I found a spot to anchor. Leaving the marina proved surprisingly easier than getting in, it just took a bit of a shove of the stern, hop aboard and engage gear and I was out of there. Nothing like the drama of getting in, no crowds of well wishers, no streamers. I had my eye on a little spot called Fame Cove. When I motored in it was all but empty, only three other vessels were moored and there were courtesy moorings to spare. Perfect. While I worked on my pump, the oil slick from the leaky tank in the RIB, and the beer in the galley fridge, about another 10 boats turned up! Oh well. By about 6pm I was sound asleep anyway. There was a huge achievement for this day that I should mention, I managed to get the water maker operational, then immediately pickled it again. I got a kick out of that, just knowing that it is working, and I can make water is huge. Next thing is to look at the dive compressor. As I write this I'm overdue on my 24hr mooring, but it's NYE and I have had a few G&T's. Who's counting anyway? Today I applied some silicon paste to the rubbers on the forward two hatches, hopefully that might fix the leaking issue. I got the RIB ready to launch yesterday, but haven't as yet. I need to use the loo and do some shopping, but maybe it can wait another day. The loo issue is still unresolved, I have tried to figure out what is going on with the holding tank, I know there is liquid in there because I filled it with water and put some vegetable dye in it, looking to see if it was leaking, but when I last refueled I tried to pump it out again, and - nothing. So I'm hoping I don't have to use it in an emergency. Checking on the weather today was less than exciting, the southerly predicted was for strong winds kicking in about midnight, but swinging back to northeast before the end of the day. I'm going to need more than 12hrs of wind NOT out of the NE sector to make it to Coffs. Consequently I didn't go. So, NYE, nearly a year with the Sea Whisper. What a change to my life this last year has been. Bring on 2018!

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[islandpcosjourney]

Day 2 - Autumn ‘21 challenge

19th October 2021

If I used one word to describe today it would be….

🤯!!!!Headache!!!!🤯

I woke up with a headache and no juice or spearmint tea or water helped it to go away - a genuine withdrawal headache that I had to suffer. It was a reminder of the toxins I’ve been consuming and how bad they are for me. By Day 4 I know I’ll be completely rid of them all but it does serve as a welcome reminder that I’ve gone overboard recently.

Since healing my gut with juice, I’ve been able to eat whatever I wanted, within reason, as my body was back to naturally filtering itself again. The human body is designed to be able to cope with a certain amount of filtering. I was no longer bloated & tired after eating anything with gluten or dairy (it used to cripple me when I ate CLEAN for my PCOS). I have been able to have something sweet and not experience a sugar high then low. It was working as it should. BUT I’ve become less than conscious about what I’ve been putting in my mouth recently so it was time for a wake-up call and time for a body reset again.

What I love about juicing is that it really doesn’t take long at all to feel better again! I’ve been at this for around 36hrs at this point yet I’m already feeling better in my clothes again - a sign that bloating is receding. Yes I’m battling a headache but that’s only a good sign as my body flushes out all the bad stuff. If you have the right mindset to detox/withdraw in this way - cold Turkey essentially - then it really works and is amazing in a short space of time. If you detoxed slowly over a number of weeks by eliminating foods bit by bit, that might suit some people better as they wouldn’t experience these torturous symptoms but you also don’t get to experience the contrast in change. If you watch some juicy documentaries you’ll notice that some of the participants basically spend the first number of days in bed, suffering, but then winning; totally winning once they hit their juicy high ie. the body’s natural energy reserves! You can only achieve this through withdrawing all toxins from your body though; then you go from feeling so rubbish one day to overnight, feeling like you could take on the world head on!

Usually I would set aside the first few days of withdrawal for feeling rubbish but today I was working - I really should’ve done this last week when I had a week off work! But my husband wasn’t leaving for work until the Wednesday and I really didn’t want his last few days with me to be wasted through my suffering. I always start a new challenge on a Monday & yesterday was perfect as I would get the whole 28 days done and dusted before hubby returns a few days later - perfect timing! He’ll come back and see a drastic change in me and I really can’t wait! So back to today, I was teaching and adrenaline was getting me through. In-between lessons though, my head would pound and throb uncontrollably. I would have to shut my eyes it was that bad. However, it showed me again how amazing the human body is at being able to cope. During my lessons I wasn’t experiencing even a fraction of the pain I was when lessons were over - reactions were happening in my body, not triggered by me directly, which were protecting me and keeping me going. Really remarkable. However by the time I finished teaching and had to go food shopping, the headache was far worse, to the point where I did wonder if I’d be safe to drive home. So, outside in the car park, I decided to take some painkillers so that by the time I would be heading home, I’d be safer on the road. While I’m annoyed I had to resort to that (I will do anything I can nowadays to naturally fix myself) I do not regret it as I’ve had an evening free of pain as a result. I even got to watch Bake off while messaging my friends at the same time - a weekly occurrence and something I wouldn’t want to miss - yet it meant having to look at tasty delights and not get influenced by them! But I survived it. Yes, the German layer cake looked delish. Yes, I really would like to try some but it’s not making me reach for the chocolate in the cupboard nor has it taken away from my focus/desire to complete these 28 days.

We shall see what tomorrow brings but with a zoom meeting online in the morning, I really could do without waking up with a headache tomorrow! Sleep well everyone!

[shadowmn214]

Post 2017/May/17 - “36 Hour Fast”

I decided to do a water only, 3 Day fast. I did this for 4 reasons. 1. I heard that people would often fast for religious or spiritual reasons to expand their mind. Some Philosophers and Psychologists believe that the human condition or each individual is hanging on a thread anyway. When you get Hungry you start to act or perceive differently perhaps. Maybe you can confront your feral self or at least a part of it, and in doing so will be a spiritual experience. I will be 27 in 6 Days (Started Tuesday 2017/May/16 at 07:30 after breakfast) and I want to do something special for myself. 2. I heard there were some Medical benefits in doing this; your body starts to recycle weaker and old blood cells, pass them or use them as energy to support the healthy ones. This will strengthen you when you start eating again and you make more again, you'll have all healthy ones instead of a mix. Good for your immune system for that, and that you may also be ridding yourself of toxic foods and your body can re-balance itself. I normally eat generally healthy, compared to most people my age that I see on a day to day basis, but that doesn’t mean I don't have room for improvement. 3. Weight Loss of course. I'm not that big all things considered. I think my body has hit its natural balance. I weigh about 185 give or take a bit of water weight. I am very muscular for my 5'11" height but I do have allot of extra goop around my hips and lower stomach, (and a double chin that seems to come and go as it pleases regardless of eating habits or weight fluctuation). Other than those areas I am very lean because of the activities I do around the house and my exercise routine which consists of: - At least 20 pushups a day - A half a mile run at 7mph - Replaced by a 3.5 mile Bicycle Ride (now that it's warmer), either of which are done at least 2 times a week. - General heavy lifting, shoveling, or the like, around the house. - 10min of ab workouts at least every other day (which I need to start doing again) 4. Honestly I just want to see if I have the mental strength to overcome this. I don't know if I will be able to go the 3 days, but If I make it the better part of 2 I'll be happy, considering the longest I've ever been without some semblance of food in my life is probably 18 hours... if that. I want to know if I could really do it, I want to know what my breaking point is and why. If I can do this without harm to myself then I will be closer to knowing myself fully. DATA ENTRIES: 4hr Mark This is the hunger that appears when I am bored or just sitting around; for some reason being at work makes me hungrier too. Not sure why. I fight this hunger off very often so I know this will be easy. I just wonder when I am hungry next how easy it will be. 8hr Mark I felt good, I've felt it before, but the feeling of not having any food in your stomach for a bit has always done that. Things like smells and sounds always became more pronounced. The opposite happens when I am overfull. 12hr Mark I went to the movies with my friends; I fear that if the food was cheaper I may have given in. I can feel the hunger grow a bit but distractions easily make it go away. I don't remember ever feeling hungry during the movie; minus this part when they showed a Dairy Queen... which I seldom go to anyway. 24hr Mark I had breakfast yesterday at around 7:30 I think. It was 2 HBEggs and a Yogurt and a coffee (which I normally don't drink). I ate them earlier than I normally do because I was planning on not being in the office that day for work. It was hard to eat the HBEggs which has been an increasing trend, possibly the fact that I eat them without any cheese or salt. The fact that I had for force myself to eat that morning may have played a part in the ease of not eating for a while afterwards. I said to myself last night that I was going to let myself have an egg if I was super hungry... but I am only moderately hungry. Almost the same hunger that I would feel if I were to eat a late lunch. So I am going to ignore that for now and see how I feel at 28hrs (day 2 lunch time). I do notice that I feel only slightly fatigued when running up the stairs. I did run home last night after the movie (.7miles). I am going to try and keep up my physical activities. However If i feel I am lightheaded or otherwise in pain I will eat an egg and drink some water and wait for 6 hours and see if I improve or not. So far so good though. 30hr Mark I carried some Monitors from my car to my office. I used the elevator because it was 4 @ 15 pounds each, and I carried them all at the same time. My strength is still the same but my stamina threshold is a bit lower. Normally after something like that it would take my muscles about 5minutes to recover. This time it took about 25. And I still felt it in my hands after that because I had to write something, it’s been an hour and they are a bit better now but I can still feel tenseness in them as I type. This whole experience is odd. The hunger is the same no matter if I ate 4 hours ago or 30, the battle is just pushing it off as not a big deal. But in general I feel fine. I do need a nap cause I am a tad tired, but most times I take a nap when I get home anyway. It seems that after the 8 hour mark for me I could just keep going. I am going to try to do the same but if this mind fuzziness isn’t from sleep needs I will eat an egg and see where I stand. 34hr Mark I got home and ate some vitamins. First thing that's been inside my stomach since I cleaned my teeth yesterday afternoon. Stomach hasn’t reacted yet. Twice today my piss was a dark but not deep yellow, which was a change up from clear all day yesterday. Looked in the mirror as I washed my hands, there is noticeable lag in my pupil movement in both directions. I still feel fine physically, other than a bit run down; we'll see how I feel after a nap. If i feel fuzzy when I get up I will eat something. I really want to ride my Motorcycle into work tomorrow since it's going to be a hot day, I would want to make sure that I have the concentration and wits about me. I was home with my mother and I didn't notice or hear when she left the room which is very odd of me. I might end this experiment at 36 hours and repeat and see if I can go further at a later date. I akin this to learning how to hold your breath. You'd be surprised how long a healthy adult can go. It's also probably better to work myself up to longer times. 36hr Mark I ate some nuts, a couple servings of Ravioli, and an Apple. They all tasted bland as hell, I had to salt up the non-fruit for it to taste good enough for me to eat it. I did notice that when I was hungry today, I craved the substance of food, the texture, and not really the flavor. I really didn't care what it was, just as long as it would feel good to chew it. My stomach still has the hunger pain but I'm going to not let it get me this time. After a fast it is very important not to overeat or feel full because your body is still used to the portions it normally gets and not your reduced stomach size. This is a case of your eyes being bigger than your stomach, I believe the expression goes. I also had a dab of Cannabis oil before I ate and that tasted like shit so maybe that had something to do with it. Not enough to get high, but just enough to sleep well tonight. SUMMARY: I will try this experiment again in a couple weeks. I am happy with the results and my willpower. I just need to be in a good place time wise to go for longer periods. I am going to shoot for 48 hours next time.

[movingwithlife]

Thursday- April 6, 2017 ;1035

The fast is over! And it was successful. A lot more insight on my body and mind.

-Pros- 1. I didn’t get my fat measured(never have), but I didn’t vary much on my weight compared to the first time I attempted a 72hr fast back in November where I dropped 10lbs in 36hrs.

2. I really loved my brain function for the majority of the fast. I was way more in tuned with whatever I needed to get done in comparison to when I’m eating normally. My brain was sending out signals about eating, but I noticed that as the hours kept going, the signals really signaled at my main eating times, and by my last 24hrs it basically dwindled out, and felt like I could go for another while, days more. I am working to getting to a full functioning 7-day fast, but I’m not there yet.

3. I still went to 1 BJJ session(2 hrs), and had 2 workout sessions that went for at least almost an hour long for day 2 and 3. It took a little longer to get warmed up, but i felt my workouts were still effective and worth pushing through. I had a gig Tuesday night as well, so I wasn’t sulking in my own head.

-Cons- 1. I had to sleep more. Retrospectively, it is not a part of my norm for the past few months but it’s okay. Only a matter of adjusting for whatever the goal is.

I had one scare: On Wednesday, I was gonna read a few pages in the book I’m currently on, and the next thing I know I’m in a fight/flight state for about 10-15 seconds. I had fallen asleep without even wanting to, or feeling tired/sleepy.

2. By day 3 I had significant muscle fatigue. It is different from being sore. I could feel it in my joints.

3. Water started becoming a problem by day 3. I wasn’t dehydrated, but my mouth was becoming dry by the end of the fast and almost chaffed. I really subbed meals with water. I drank approximately 1.25 gallons of water on Monday and Tuesday, and didn’t quite get to a gallon by Wednesday, because of the raw feeling.

-Take Aways- As long as I stayed busy and interactive, especially at the gym, I was better off than when my body was allowed to relax for even a second. For me at this moment, I would rather eat and sleep less, than not eat and sleep more. 72hr fasts, once a month is healthy to do. It goes way beyond cutting weight. The brain function was fascinating, we’ll see how the next week or so goes. Fasts also help get rid of bad stuff, and regenerate the immune system so I will make it a part of my monthly routine, just like paying a bill. A bill that goes to my health, paid by me. I have had one light meal already: chicken, kale, broccoli, and carrots. My mind has settled and my body is content. I’m going to try to have a normal lunch, if it doesn’t happen it’s fine, it’ll incrementally get back to normal I’m sure.

Finally, the appreciation of food. We may take food for granted a lot of the time. Eating more bad things than good things. This fast has helped me remember to savor food, and not just scrounge it down or eat too much unhealthy things. And a moral feeling of thinking of those around the world who don’t have food OR water at this very moment and are hungry and thirsty because they haven’t eaten and don’t know when they’ll eat.

If I think of anything else specific, I will update this post or maybe make a new post depending on how extensive it is.

-Questions- What is your incentive/drive to have better health? Yourself, Children, parents, spouse, friends, family..work..? Is this incentive strong enough to get you to the gym or workout everyday? Do you workout and watch what you eat? Will you be more conscious about what you eat? Do you consciously think about if your health is bad or bad to mediocre, how it will affect your loved ones?

[mollydollyjournals]

Monday 14th December, 157lbs. Of course. I binged yesterday.

I was still super tired today. I didn't sleep til pretty late last night. More like morning. I just felt sick and really anxious all day. I have that feeling like I'm just alone and uncared for. I've been craving food a lot again, because I just want a nice feeling. I just want to have something that I want. I'm sick of being deprived. When I want a hug and I can't have it, or I want a drink and I can't have it, etc, it makes me feel worse, and food cravings get stronger because I just want to be able to have something for once.

I haven't today. I ate earlier but I didn't for the rest of the day. If there was something smaller I might have but my only options are high calorie and high effort and I just can't be bothered. I don't really want the food. I know that. I know I'd just feel uncomfortably full and sick afterwards and still be alone and unhappy. So I haven't. But I still have the craving.

I feel really just...abandoned. I need so much reassurance and I can't get it. I don't know what to do. I haven't spoken to bf since last week when I cancelled last minute then didn't show up the second time. I'm pretty sure he's annoyed. I want to try to see him tomorrow but I think I'll be too tired. I want to do some things first at home. So the day after tomorrow. But I don't want to cancel again. So I figured I'd wait to ask him on the day. I'm not really sure which is better. Let him know in advance that I am gonna try to see him, but risk having to cancel again, or wait until the day but risk it looking like I'm ghosting him. Idk.

I wish I could lose some weight first too. But I don't have the energy to do anything let alone work out. And that's all that works. My body won't let me lose weight otherwise. Maybe I should just fast for a day here and there. Intermittent fasting doesn't work either, I already do that pretty much every day. 24hr fasts might not make any difference either. Maybe 36hrs might. Maybe I'll do that after I go see bf. Potentially:

Tomorrow - home errands, maybe go to supermarket?

Weds - see bf? Stay the night?

Thurs - come home, do whatever

Fri - tea/water fast

Sat - eat healthy (not particularly restrict but def don't eat lots)

Sun & Mon - restrict/workout as much as able

I think I'll try to stick to that... If I do fast on Friday, I'll feel pretty weak on Saturday. Maybe I should meal prep some things on Thursday. I should on Friday but I taste things as I cook them to make sure it's okay, which I don't want to do if I'm fasting. Even if a bite won't affect it too much, I think I'd be too tempted to eat more. So I'll have to do it on Thursday and maybe just make a bit less, or freeze more, idk. Then ideally I want to see bf again on Tuesday but I might be too tired...but I'd really like to. If he even wants to.

Well this is a start for a schedule anyway. I just really need to sleep better...maybe I'll go make some chamomile/lavender tea just now. I need to be able to actually wake up at a vaguely decent time and also have had enough sleep, otherwise I'm either sleeping through the day or I wake up early but I'm exhausted and I'm falling asleep again and it puts my anxiety through the roof. Then I just feel bad about not being able to just sleep like a normal person.

Idk. I'm gonna write down that schedule and add in my other things like appointments. I have a scan of some sort. And I have to get at my doctors for another scan. My body is in such a bad state. So I'll write all that in and then I know what I'm doing for this next week. I hope to lose some weight. The dream is to be 151lbs by next Tuesday. I probably fucked that right up by binging on junk food yesterday. I'm nervous to weigh myself tonight because I'm sure it'll be way too high. But if I don't weigh myself I'll still be that fat anyway and I'll still find out in the morning. Ugh.

[mhksa]

Fall 2016

When I first started college in 2012, I was a physics major and thought that my college life would be pretty regular and boring? But things never really go ask planned, by the time junior year had come I switched to being an Earth and Planetary Science major (with a physics minor since I already completed all but one class requirements). I still thought that I would complete a thesis though, but by senior year I realized that I was gonna attempt our school internship instead. Obviously, the prerequisite for this internship was an intro to field geology class. Honestly, this class changed my life, and really changed who I am. There were two weekend field trips where we went out into an area and mapped/surveyed the land. During the two weekends we were out, we camped in the area. It was really hard but I somehow managed to survive. Through the difficulties though, I found a new passion in camping due to the togetherness feeling. I've never done something like this with a group of people and so it was really fun. Fast forward to the end of the quarter we had to write a paper and it was tough work, but after 36hrs of nonstop work, I chugged out a good report. One thing I'll never forget is my professor because she really believed in me, and I did well as a geo newbie. This quarter, I also decided that I didn't want. A math minor. When I was a physic major, the math minor was easily attainable due to some overlap in classes. But when I switched I was very unsure if I wanted to take more math classes. Math classes were never really my thing, and I didn't do so hot in my proofing class. But I decided to give it a try with an intermediate abstract algebra class. Let's just say, I dropped the class two weeks in. I decided not to suddenly add another class since I was two weeks behind. Since I was way ahead in units, I could afford to take less units this quarter. I took a history of premodern Asia class which I've been meaning to take since forever ( I wanted to minor in East Asian studies but the physics major program didn't quite allow enough wiggle room). So I took it as a GE, and it wasn't exactly the easiest class, but I tried hard and boosted my GPA.