#also i painted my nails and i forgot that i am . bad at it. i got shaky hands and not the best fine motor skills

[bugmistake]

spent most of yesterday crying but today im wearing eye makeup and fishnet tights and a fishnet top and a crop top and docs and dangly earrings and a collar from the goth store so really everything is fine now. if u think about it

[eccentricmoonlight]

Eccentric nails !!

[witchy03]

Healing from religious trauma and working with Dionysus be hitting different lately. Going into it, I did a crapton of research and of course knew that he is associated with duality. There's a chaotic and jovial side to him, like the fun Dad that paints his nails funky colors and goes mall shopping with his kids. On the other hand, there's the darker, more primal side. A side driven by madness and often rage. He is a God of insanity, and he's not afraid to let everyone know it. I've definitely seen that duality in my life.

While I feel the soft and gentle support, the push to relax and enjoy life, I've also felt the whispers that it's ok to be mad. It's ok to be angry at those who hurt me. I confronted my Dad about all the baggage I've carried since ten years old, got my anger out and let him know how he failed me as a child. Although he refused to take responsibility, I've found that I don't care. It's taken me a long time, but I'm finally learning to let myself be angry. To finally wrangle that tightly wound yarn ball of anger that I've been shoving down to keep up a facade of perfect 'godliness'. Because if I don't deal with it, it'll just get bigger and bigger until I can't hold it in anymore. I need to work through it to heal, and Dionysus has given me the courage to do so.

"It's ok," he says,"it's ok to be angry. You don't need to pretend anymore. Let it go. Be angry, feel the rage, but know that once it's out of your system it'll feel so much better."

He embraces both my timidness and my rage, holding both in his arms and accepting that this is what makes me who I am. He doesn't tell me to hide how I feel. He lets me know that it's ok to feel angry, something that I as one raised in a Christian faith am unaccustomed to. I was told to bury any "bad" or "evil" inclinations, but that's not healthy. Dionysus knows this.

I am angry.

I am angry at all the Christian "friends" I had that took me out of the group chats and forgot I existed.

I am angry at my parents for all the pain they've caused me

I am angry at my siblings for their abusive behavior towards me

I am angry at the teachers I had that either treated me like a disease or a problem to be solved, and all the damage they inflicted

Most of all though, I'm angry at the Christian God who was supposed to be my "best friend", the one who wouldn't abandon me, who instead threw me to the wolves in sheepskin that I called my family. He left me. He deserted me, ignored my prayers and tears.

I'm angry at him mostly because he lied. He pretends to be perfect in judgement and without flaw. I hate being lied to.

I am a worshipper of Dionysus. Others may come, some may go, but that is who I am. I am damaged but healing. Enraged, but gentle to those who deserve my gentility. He collected the broken pieces of my soul and helped me put them back together. He is there when no one else is, and I am eternally grateful to him.

Thank you so much, Lord Dionysus.

[paraonyx]

FINALLY finished my designs and the other things relating to them for @inanimate-reboots

Sorry that it took so long, school sucks and I have a bad problem with finding motivation on things T-T

I personally am really proud of these designs and I had fun making them when I found the motivation to do so :D

Also here are the images comparing them and my gijinkas for the OGs :] I thought it'd be easy but it was actually kind of hard to put the comparisons into words that wasn't just gibberish T-T also the drawings were a bit more sloppy here ú_ù

I forgot to add this earlier but OG Fan's nails are painted green to match with OG Test Tube (I stole this idea from my gf :3) but R!Fan's nails are simply black. OG Test Tube also has her nails painted red underneath her gloves, while R!Test Tube wouldn't have her nails painted at all. I also feel like both OG and Reboot Paintbrush would paint their nails as well

I ALSO FORGOT BOTH PAINTY'S FRIENDSHUP BRACELETS NOOOO

Aaaaannnd here's two bonus doodles which I made while bored :P

[wildflower-otome]

[Translation] Bustafellows Season 2 - Helvetica Short Story - Am I bad?

Source: Bustafellows Season 2 Stella Set Special Bonus Booklet Note: Takes place after the first game, no S2 spoilers.

Helvetica Short Story - Am I bad?

‘Ah, Teuta, about today….’

Having rushed into the living room in a fluster, Teuta threw her bag onto the sofa.

‘What is it!?’

‘No…..you seem to be in a hurry.’

‘I’m about to be late! I’ve got tons of interviews on for today…..Ah! But I’ll make sure to be there tonight!’

‘Will you?’

‘’Course I will. I mean, didn’t you say it’s a big important academic conference? Since I got invited as your partner, I’ll be sure to come all dressed up. You know….because I couldn’t make it to the party last time.’

As she answered my question in a loud voice, Teuta was in the kitchen making a shoddy looking sandwich. The scene was just so comical, I couldn’t help but laugh in spite of myself.

‘....Why are you laughing?’

Cheeks stuffed with bread, she returned to the living room.

‘I wasn’t really laughing. I was just so, so happy that you hadn’t forgotten our promise.’

‘.....The way you said that just now sounded kind of pointed.’

‘Well, perhaps I am also referring to the fact that you stood me up last time without so much as a text message.’

‘I did say I was sorry about that….’

‘Exactly, that’s why I am very much looking forward to you being there tonight.’

‘Yeah…..Ah, crap! Forgot to print out my manuscript!’

Making a hurried reply, Teuta again dashed out from the living room. The sight of her hand holding on to her phone as she went by remained in my eyes like an after image. Vivid, red-coloured nails. The lacquer stuck out a little and was uneven.

(Those nails you tried so hard to paint really suit the red dress you picked out last night…..)

That evening, the venue was overflowing with well-dressed guests. My appearance on stage was now long well over. All I’d had to do was introduce the papers that had been submitted to the conference in a formal ceremony. Since the aim of tonight’s party was mainly to gather donations, I’d been able to keep the formalities to a minimum. The sponsors who gave us money had no interest in the latest technology. They only cared about the superficial side of things, about things that were showy and capable of generating buzz.

(....Teuta hasn’t arrived yet.)

When I looked at my phone, there was a message from her. Perhaps it was to say that she was already here at the venue, or that she wasn’t going to make it.

I took a surreptitious look around me. I couldn’t help but follow women with the same type of build with my gaze. If possible, I didn’t want you to see me looking around for you. You would probably laugh at me, saying, “Did you really miss me that much?”

(......Well, I suppose I wouldn’t really mind that either)

In the passageway towards the bar I saw a group of men and women. No, it was actually just one woman, and a number of men. With just a single glance, I could tell that she was beautiful. Her red dress and golden hair reflected vividly in my eyes.

(.....Teuta?)

Although the simple red dress and pointed toe shoes she wore looked mature, her side profile showed an appearance that still had a small element of childishness.

‘Which clinic are you from?’

‘Um, I’m-’

As I came closer, I could clearly hear their conversation. It was obvious from the tone of their voices that the men were trying to flirt with Teuta. I should probably immediately intervene, but it was fun watching both the troubled Teuta and the men getting ahead of themselves.

‘We can get into the VIP area, so why don’t you come with us?’

‘I-I can probably also get in. My boyfriend is a VIP too…..’

‘Your boyfriend’s a VIP? And who might that be? Perhaps you mean me? Ahaha!’

I almost let a burst of laughter escape me. They must be thinking they were doing pretty well, but just imagining what their faces would look like soon enough, my shoulders seemed about to shake with pent-up amusement.

‘Ah, hey….look this way for a moment.’

‘Huh? What is it?’

‘The tag’s still on your clothes.’

‘Wha-!? No way-!?’

As I listened to their conversation, I took a casual glance at Teuta’s dress. He was right, the tag was still hanging there, just as it had been when she’d bought it.

‘I’ll take it off, c’mon, turn around.’

‘Um…..’

Just before the man’s outstretched hand touched Teuta, I firmly pulled her towards me in an embrace.

‘Ah-.....Helvetica?’

I gently ran a hand through her golden hair, gathering it together.

‘Uh, if I’m remembering right, you’re-’

‘Do you know who I am?’

Having seen me take Teuta into my arms, the mens’ eyes had quite literally grown round.

‘Um, Helvetica…..?’

‘Stay where you are and don’t move.’

The tag hanging at Teuta’s back. I drew my face closer to it, biting down on the thread.

‘Ah-.....’

The tag I’d bitten off still in my mouth, I faced the men down once more. Seeing them look so shocked, I couldn’t help but smile. I spat the tag out at their feet.

‘So? Do you know who I am?’

‘Ah, um…..that is-, p-please excuse us-’

The group of men quickly scattered like a pack of hyenas that saw they no longer had a chance of victory.

‘..........’

Teuta timidly turned to look at me.

‘Helvetica…..?’

‘I’m not necessarily praising you with the words I’m about to say, so please don’t get carried away.’

‘Wh-What?’

‘You are a much more attractive woman than you think you are. There are probably a lot of men who find you physically desirable. And not only that, you’re dense when it comes to male-female relationships.’

‘Hey, “dense” is a bit....’

‘Men are good at sniffing out that kind of denseness.’

‘What do you mean by “good at”? I wasn’t really interested in getting to know those guys from earlier at all…..’

‘It means they think they can have their way with you if they’re pushy enough.’

‘That’s….’

Perhaps because I’d ended up wording it harshly, Teuta’s eyes looked a little hurt. Taking a deep breath, I put my arms around Teuta’s shoulders and drew her close to me. As I lightly stroked her back, she rested her head on my chest. The weight of it felt comfortable.

‘You’re in love with me, aren’t you? You love only me. Isn’t that right?’

‘.....It is.’

‘Still, please be more aware that there are bad men out there that might try and lay a hand on you.’

‘..........’

‘Your answer?’

Teuta took her face away from my chest, looking up at me with large eyes.

‘.....I, like bad men.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘I’m telling you I like bad men. The kind that’s always making a face like, “I only do what I want” but actually is always thinking about me, that can’t help wanting to keep me all to himself, that kind of bad guy.’

‘.....Is that so.’

I stretched out a hand, tangling Teuta’s hair around my fingers. The soft sensation of it running through the spaces between them felt pleasant.

‘.....Am I a bad woman?’

‘Yes, a woman that's bad at using her head.’

‘So mean.’

Leaning down a little, I put my lips at Teuta’s ear. As I sucked in a small breath, I could feel Teuta’s body tense. I spoke in a voice as low and breathy as possible.

‘.....Seeing as you can only think of me, don’t you think you’d have to be?’

[sophietv]

The Ultimate Thread Of Koincidences (2021) Part 3

Here's the part 3 of my thread since I reached the photo limit...again.

If you haven't read part two. Go read it before reading this one! (X)

Those are all the Kaylor evidences I could find for that year. If I've forgot some, don't hesitate to tell me so I can add them!

If you haven't read the posts for the other years, I highly suggest you do before reading this one:

Fall 2019 (X)

2020 Part 1 (X)

2020 Part 2 (X)

2021 Part 1 (X)

2021 Part 2 (X)

As always, I'll include link to more informations on certain piece of Kaylor Lore as we go, so some Koincidences are easier to understand. When there's a (X) beside something, it's to give you more context and help you understand better.

Here's the link to the incredible Masterposts that helped me do this one: (X) (X)Afficher davantage

Septembre 2021:

Septembre 17th:

Taylor posts a TikTok hinting at Red (Taylor's Version) and 1989 (Taylor's Version). (X)

She winks with her left eye (Eye Theory) (X)

There's a Glitch in the video.

Glitch easter egg? (X)

People said in the comment that it made them think of the Bad Blood MV...Karlie is in the MV.

At the start of the video. Taylor is painting her nails Red.

A couple of days later in another TikTok we see that she also painted her toe nails red. (X)

Interesting because Karlie posted a video in her Story on Septembre 10th with Red fingers and toes nails. The. Exact. Same. Red.

And it's not over.

Because in that video Taylor wears about the same outfit as when she recorded King Of My Heart...on Karlie's birthday.

Also.

On that day. Taylor releases Wildest Dreams (Taylor's Version).

First song out of 1989 (Taylor's Version) and this song is about Karlie...

And if you zoom in on the shirt. You see that there is double Ks embroided on it.

October 2021:

October 5th:

Eye Theory in Karlie's Instagram's Story:

October 26th:

Taylor posts her fall TikTok. (X)

She wears her famous "Le Duo" necklace with "The artist and The muse" (X)

October 29th:

Eye Theory in Karlie's Instgram's Story. (Still inchteresting red fingernails)

October 31st:

Halloween.

Taylor goes out in the West Village with Blake's children. Dressed up as a Squirrel.

Karlie goes with Levi. Dressed up as Batman.

This is rather interesting...

This was a fanmade cover posted in 2011 (X)

Not their first time cosplaying DC characters...

And it's even more interesting because in her 2019 Musicians On Musicians Interview with Rolling Stone (that we talked about in the 2019 thread). (X)

Taylor talks EXACTLY about that with Paul McCartney.

How he could go spend Halloween with his kids wearing masks...

Here:

Swift: But I think that in knowing him and being in the relationship I am in now, I have definitely made decisions that have made my life feel more like a real life and less like just a storyline to be commented on in tabloids. Whether that’s deciding where to live, who to hang out with, when to not take a picture — the idea of privacy feels so strange to try to explain, but it’s really just trying to find bits of normalcy. That’s what that song “Peace” is talking about. Like, would it be enough if I could never fully achieve the normalcy that we both crave? Stella always tells me that she had as normal a childhood as she could ever hope for under the circumstances.

McCartney: Yeah, it was very important to us to try and keep their feet on the ground amongst the craziness.

Swift: She went to a regular school .…

McCartney: Yeah, she did.

Swift: And you would go trick-or-treating with them, wearing masks.

McCartney: All of them did, yeah. It was important, but it worked pretty well, because when they kind of reached adulthood, they would meet other kids who might have gone to private schools, who were a little less grounded.

November 2021:

November 15th:

I Bet You Think About Me MV.

Sooooo much about that MV.

Taylor's dress being about the same as Karlie's Met Gala one.

Josh's lookalike AND Mickey's.

Taylor "spills" champagne when there's a close up on Mickey's lookalike.

Josh, Mickey and Karlie

Mickey, Karlie and Josh's lookalike

Taylor spills wine while doing a close shot on Mickey's lookalike.

Taylor gives her red Scarf to Karlie's lookalike. And the girl is really pleased by this.

And so much more to say...

Novembre 23rd:

Taylor releases a TikTok of Champagne's Problem (X)

The hand that appears of the person filming is not Blake's hand.

Let's compare Blake's hand with the hand on the video:

Source: purplepinksky on Twitter (X)

And now let's compare Karlie's

Source: purplepinksky on Twitter

December 2021:

December 13th:

Taylor celebrates her birthday and wears the Victoria Secret Angel Ring (X).

Source: 9w1ft

There you have it!

All the Koincidences I could find for 2021.

There was a lot.....

Let me know if some are missing! I'll add them.

[analog-mothman]

of all of the dumb ideas i've had, this is certainly certainly one of them...

a (prototyped) AF ts2 bodyshape remapped to work with ts4 textures. featuring lilith's watermelon skins and a s3m skin i forgot which i'm sorry

anyway this started as wanting to figure out if it was possible to convert the ts4 hands to ts2 but have the mesh otherwise compatible... and it's probably possible but everything snowballed once I realized how bad the ts2 mapping is--

(why is there a UV seam through the nail of the thumb? why are the feet mapped like that? why are the arms split down the middle?)

--a-hem. anyway, and then i wanted to just see if it was possible to make a ts4 body compatible with ts2, but ts2 (i guess) predates some nifty advancements in rigging meshes and modern video game logic so the limbs just looked weird and bad and i eventually decided that i hated it.

i previously shared some some prototype testing from this stage

so the final step was just to redo the ts2 body mapping. obviously.

lmao the hands and feet alone are 2/3 the current polycount

so i cut off the hands and feet, bumped the overall polycount, smoothed some stuff out, lowered the poloycount on magicbot's high detailed ts4 feet, edited the ts4 hands to have 3d nails and completely rebuilt the thighs and calves because i clearly hate myself.

the current product is somewhere between the base ts4's and io's bodyshapes and if i was a smart woman i would have used the tattooer to help figure out the remapping but i am not a smart woman so it looks weird with some painted on clothing textures

so yeah. idk what's going to come of this, but it's been my pet project for the past month so maybe i'll take what i've learned from here and make compatible meshes for other ages and the male frame... but also this might just stay a fun experiment because idk if anyone besides me is going to be interested because this obviously is not compatible with anything in the game already but this is what i do instead of making usable cc lmao

but honestly, i'm currently sleep deprived but i learned a lot more about blender and weight painting and retopology doing this so it's not been a total waste

also tumblr please don't nuke this or my blog i'm begging you

[harrywavycurly]

Not Eddie related but what about some conversations with Narry as our friends? 🥰

Hiiii babes!! Oh this made me emo I miss writing for bestie Narry! I hope you enjoy these extremely random ass conversations with them!💖

“Why is he in charge of dinner when we all know I’m the better cook?” “Because Harry this is Niall’s house…now what’s on the menu for tonight? I only brought one bottle of wine.” “Nothing fancy just chicken and-” “did you season it properly?” “Oh fuck off with that Harry.” “We all saw the chicken Niall…it looked unseasoned and just…horrid.” “Do you two need to be separated?” “No…I’ll behave…sorry Niall.” “It’s fine just don’t go being a twat…we haven’t even had any wine yet.”

“Two drinks in and we already have to take your phone away? You’ve turned into a lightweight love.” “Oh come off it Harry we all saw you that one night at the pub in London after like three whiskey sours.” “We don’t speak of that night Niall…you know this.” “Ohhhh was that when he tried to get nake-” “I just said we don’t speak of that night.” “You heard him love we aren’t allowed to talk about when he nearly pe-” “why am I friends with you two?…always pickin on me.” “You love us…doesn’t he Niall?” “Oh yeah he totally loves us…don’t ya mate?” “Yeah yeah…I love you…even when you don’t listen.”

“This is the most uncomfortable couch I’ve ever sat on in my life…why do you have this thing?” “Because my super famous and rich pop star bestfriend hasn’t taken me to get a new one.” “You forgot to add he’s also a movie star love…move over…your lanky arse is just taking up the whole thing.” “I’m doing you a favor…this couch is horrible.” “So then let’s go get her a proper one then.” “I was just kidding Niall I don’t need you two to buy me a couch.” “Jesus…this thing really does fucking suck…how is your back not in shambles from this torture device?” “It’s just old and has a few lumps that’s all.” “Lumps? This thing feels like it’s made out of cement it’s so hard…Niall where did you get your monstrosity of a couch? It may be hideous but it’s comfortable.” “My couch isn’t hideous you dick…but I’m not sure the name of the store but I can just take you there.” “Sounds good…now go grab your sunglasses love…we’re going shopping.”

“What does this mask do again? My face feels…tingly.” “It’s a pore clearing one so tingly is good…burning is bad…Harry where is my black nail polish?” “I’m using it…oh can you bring me the silver glitter please?” “Okay now it’s burning…can I take it off now?” “Beauty is pain Niall don’t be a ninny.” “Fuck off Harry that’s easy for you to say all you’re doing is painting your bloody nails.” “Go wash your face in the sink Niall…don’t get water all over the place like you did last time please.” “He’s a proper mess that one…can’t even handle doing a face mask.” “Don’t be rude Harry…remember when I did that apple cider mask on you and you only had it one for two minutes before you were begging me to help get it off you?” “That was different…you didn’t tell me it was going to turn into solid clay and make my face feel like it was actually vibrating…it was scary.” “How do I look? My face feels as smooth as a baby’s bottom.” “You look great Niall…will you let Harry do your nails?” “Yeah but no fucking glitter like you did last time..that stuff stayed on for ages.”

[gojonanami]

I just came up with something absolutely wild. (I don't think it's really that executable as a fic, but it's just really weird so I felt like sharing it with you. Also, it's 04:18 where I am so that may excuse the weirdness. Perhaps.)

Imagine being a student in the same year as Suguru, Shoko and Satoru and just having this ability that derives off irritating others. So you would have to study psychology books or watch movies or do anything to just study people.

And imagine this... while during training, people think it's going to be a normal training sesh exercising their CTs, yeah? Hell nah. Depending on who your opponent is, in my head it's Mei Mei, but the prime target, really, should be Nanamin, you just go all out with your irritation technique.

You put on makeup for a long time, do your mascara, wear a provocative all-leather outfit, paint your nails black in preparation for just a training session. And then, in the midst of fighting, you just alternative been fighting and jumping and dancing like you spend every single night at the club. And to top all of this off, someone, for instance Haibara, just slides across a skateboard, and you use it in the midst of the fight, irritating your opponent by skating around them while singing your lungs off and provoking them. And then, as an attack, you jump off your skateboard, break it into little splinters and then use them as pin-pointed attacks that target pain points on your opponent's body.

This whole deranged, unhinged, wild fiasco, however, is not one that would be approved by the higher-ups. So, unfortunately for you, the higher-ups happen to show up to Jujutsu Tech on that day and when they see this whole... insanity... they are horrified and expel you from the school.

But you are undeterred. Instead, you end up flipping them off and shouting: "Well, now I can go to Harvard without any worries. Hah!"

But just as you're packing up your stuff in your dorm, you find Suguru knocking on your door because your ideologies clash. Suguru is about protecting and loving others, and so his view (which then becomes twisted) is about prioritising others, while for you, it is prioritising yourself (and in your case, choosing whether you want to attend Harvard or Oxford).

And this absence of yours can bleed into and feed into Suguru's bad mental state if you are close friends or more.

And then you find yourself confronted with the realisation: was the life that you were having in Harvard being a star student with all sorts of local and international students worth it if you're ignoring the reality of curses and leaving your friends behind and not supporting them?

But you are too late. So you either retreat into your shell of ignorance or come back only to be confronted with utter heartbreak.

you know i forgot to respond to this, but this was a wild fic idea, i don't think i am capable of pulling this off but like i loved reading it

hahah 4:00 AM is a weird time of night hahaha <3

[mattyriddlesbitch]

A cup of coffee please!

so im 5’4

Dark brown eyes

I have long, dark brown wavy hair

I weight 122lbs

I am a polyglot (I speak English, Spanish, French, turkish and German)

I would say that I’m pretty ambivert.

I really like drawing, and writing. I have

this journal where I write and draw everything that comes to my mind, it seems pretty messy but I can see the structure in it. I wish I’d be good at oil paintings, cus I just love the way each one of them look so unique and beautiful.

I really enjoy going to the gym, tho I wasn’t there for like two months because I was sick for a whole month and the other month I was on vacation.

I am pretty good at school, not the best but most of the time I get Bs and B+s.

I ADORE any Tim Burton Movie, I just love everything about it.

I would say that my love languages are, words of affirmation and physical touch (with the right persons)

My biggest fear is Momo, Ik it’s weird, but istg I am horrified of it, since I saw it as a child.

My favorite color is dark red. I just love the way it suits with everything! And I also have this nail polish that I always use! I always grow my nails, and thanks to god, they are strong, so they almost never break.

My favorite food is spaghetti, thx to the Italians for that.

My favorite animals are cats, raccoons and red pandas. lol, I just realized that they all kinda look alike.

I love denim miniskirts, I’d say that I have more miniskirts than shirts, but what can I sayyyyyy….

And topping them of with my good old leather jacket…, UHGGGG YESS

Oh and I love autumn! I hate winter, but I LOVE autumn. It’s just the only time of the year, where I don’t suffer of a heatstroke or hypothermia.

I love gold jewelry, I have multiple ear piercings and a belly button piercing and omg. I was wearing silver for the most time but it never really looked the way I wanted it to look, so I completely switched over to gold jewelry and piercings, and oh my god. It’s a life changer!

I have hip dysplasia, so I can’t run very well, without having to limp the next day.

One thing about me is that I will never leave the house without my makeup on, and I always do ‘latte makeup’, I just think that it’s the easiest kind of makeup.

The reason I got into all this Harry Potter stuff is because of wattpad 😭

I was reading a random fic, between Theodore and y/n, but I ended up hating Theodore cus he cringed me on so bad, it was probably because of his writing, cus tell me why this man thought that Pansy was hot, while dating Y/N? Like bffr rn.

Anyway then I started to read about Enzo, he was fun at first but after a while I read about the black notebook he has, and since then I am thinking about it everytime I read about him!

Draco was really fun to read about, but I ended up liking fics between him and Hermoine better, since they just fit perfectly and are meant for each other.

(I am a strong believer of Dramionie if you didn’t know)

And THEN i got into Mattheo fics, which I hated, because they were so poorly writing and there was like smut in every single chapter, almost EVERY TIME.

But I completely fell in love with his persona, all the lore behind him, the fact that he is probably bipolar, which makes complete sense, regarding his childhood and all the things he had to go through, the ptsd, the way everyone thinks so bad of him.

I get all the drug and alcohol problems and all that fighting, cus imagine what he has to go through everyday, but I just can’t with the smut thing. He is just a teenager that is traumatized. Not a s€x-symbol.

Like please, he is a traumatized person, not everything about him is about smut. I am a firm believer that he is a very raw person once you know him.

Oh my god this got way longer than I thought and I am very sorry about that! But it would be fun if you’d write a little something.

Love ya!

"Oh and I completely forgot to say that I LOVE horror movies, I am convinced that next to Tim Burton, my favorite movie genre is Horror."

I assume that was from you as well.

Honestly, taking out the stuff about you reading about the others and not like some of them, I would go with Theo. I think he loves artistic people and would love to look at what you write and draw if you let him. Also, I had to look up the latte makeup and it just screams something Theo would go crazy over. Plus the gold jewelry, I think he'd love it. I also think he'd love you being an ambivert and would love hearing you talk his ear off and be quiet with other people.

[karrenseely]

Oh gods, not again.

I've been stuck in my head this week. A new epiphany rocked my world again. My hormones were adjusted recently. About a year ago... I think, I was started on a progesterone cycle. And very quickly I found myself having a desire to explore my body. The really significant dysphoria I was having around my hips, my shoulders, my voice. They didn't bother me as much as they had before. And then. Then I started to have some libido. That was weird and wonderful. My body did things for me I'd never experienced before. It was pleasurable and interesting, and I was feeling less and less like an imposter and more like the woman I am. I know I was also doing a lot of work in therapy as well. Working through the shame and conditioning I'd incorporated into myself that being a woman, being feminine was bad, liking anything girly was bad at best, perverted at worst. And I started to be a little more ok with myself. I wanted to explore the girly things and was finally allowing myself to do so. I even felt sexy sometimes, I think having never experienced those feelings before I'm still not sure if that's what that feeling is or not. I got back into make up, I learned how to paint my nails, I really started enjoying creating outfits and feeling like I was looking good. I was getting in touch with that feminine part of me that I had been suppressing because even though I had transitioned, parts of me were still convinced being feminine was bad, being feminine made me a pervert even though I was a woman. Yes, I know, there's a great deal of cognitive dissonance going on in my brain. And while I was doing these things at some point the little girl in me who'd been crying and along all her life had had enough of being shut away and forced me to let her out, and I got stuck in the past and had a severe bout of CPTSD/Depression putting me out of work for the last 4 months. But doing these things, was self care and when I was able to do them, it helped lift me up some.

I still know very little about hair care, I still for the life of me, have no idea how to do a good tight simple braid without it going off to one side at best, being really loose at worst. You know all the things that I should have learned growing up, that my sister got to learn because it was ok for her to be a girl for some reason and not me.

I love my sister, I don't blame her for choosing to side with my parents, she wasn't facing a choice of death or losing her entire family, she was just faced with losing a sibling or her entire family. Understandably she chose her entire family. I don't think they abused her, at least not the way they did me. She is my younger sister. But when my parents broke me and I just couldn't continue growing and got stuck around age 15, she started to be more like a big sister. I looked up to her. She was good at school, with really good grades, she was popular, she played in marching band, she had lots of friends. And I wished so much that I could be like her. I wanted to be close to her, but I was so terrified of anyone learning my secret and in my head in order to play that role forced on me, meant I was supposed to fight with her. And everytime I beat myself up over it, because I knew I'd destroyed another chance to be close. But I was so scared, and I was just trying to survive. And it hurt so much when she called me pervert for borrowing her clothes.

But despite that, she was an amazing sister. Despite my unpopularity, despite everyone sensing something wrong with me and at best avoiding me, at worst torturing me. She invited me to one of the highschool parties her friends had invited her to. It was a wonderful experience. I felt included. I felt like I'd been seen, but not in a bad way. And for a little while I forgot to be afraid that someone would figure out my secret.

Another time she invited me to go with her and her friends cliff diving at Canyon Lake. That was another wonderful memory, and for all the same reasons. During those excursions I felt like I hadn't completely ruined everything with my sister. That maybe she did care, that she did love me despite me being a pervert. They are good memories.

I don't know how I got on the subject of my sister... Oh that's right, she was in Marching Band and learned how to put her hair up in tight crowns of braids. I so wished it would be ok to ask her to teach me that. I wish I hadn't been so afraid of what my parents would do to me if I talked to her about what I was really going through that I actually did talk to her. I dunno, if I'd had the courage to do that, maybe I'd have had an amazing supportive sister. But maybe not. She was part of the church all through high school. And this church was the one that convinced my mom disowning me was what needed to happen, who convinced my mom that my being dead was better than my being trans. So no I probably wouldn't have had that kind of sister then. Still. I miss her and I love her and I don't blame her for what happened.

And I wish I could apologize to her for everything I did, for saying some of the things I did to her. Maybe I'll write a letter of what I wish I could say to her on here at some point.

anyway I went on a tangent. So yes, it's been a dark few months, but I've been exploring and having some fun with my feminine side. I've also been trying to reconnect with the trans community. So far I've not created a solid connection yet, but atleast I'm part of it on reddit, here, and fb, even though I don't really know anyone on there. It's nice to see how things are different and better for a lot of people compared to when I was kid, and it's hard to see that others in my community are suffering like I had to. But we're all on there, and because we are, we're not quite as alone as we used to be.

And so it's helped some, even though I wish I could make some irl trans friends. But at least I don't feel quite so isolated anymore. But the depression was bad, and I was still suicidal and the treatments hadn't started working yet, so my PCP suggested increasing my estrogen a little to see if that would help. And it did. I started to feel even more like myself. I had reduced it a long time ago because if the dose is too high I ended up with heart palpitations... but thankfully I haven't had issues with it this time around. I dunno, maybe it's because I'm also on progesterone as well now.

There is a part of me that is really angry at the medical establishment and the entrenched misogyny there. Angry that they decided that we only need half our hormones. That progesterone was completely unnecessary because it was only useful with pregnancy. Except that it does so much more than that, but the effects are subtle and... well... it was men that were designing the treatments at the beginning and that misogyny bleed through to later generations of doctors. But they robbed me of over two decades of feeling more comfortable in my body, of having a libido. So yes. I'm a bit chuffed with them.

So yes, about a month ago my estrogen was increased. And it helped my mood, and... apparently my libido. I found myself fantasizing about having sex. I'd never done that before, not ever, and certainly not in a pleasurable way. It was good. But also confusing. I felt like I was waking up from a decades long coma and the world had changed. It's only been in the last 7 years that I understood I was asexual. It's only been in the last year or two that I really began to explore what that meant to me. And it was a shock and confusing that I suddenly had interest in sex. What does this mean for my identity? Does it mean I'm not asexual anymore? And also a lot of anxiety because I suck at dating, I don't really know how to do it, or how to meet people in that way. I was pretty happy with the platonic relationship I had, though there were things I wish I could get myself to talk about, to hash out. And now I found myself wanting a physical relationship with someone.

Still trying to figure out how to find that irl. Then in the past 2 weeks something really really really confusing happened. I found myself fantasizing about a man, having a man love me, touch me, and hold me and have sex with me. And really wanting that. I've known a long time I had slight bi tendencies. But not once, not ever did it those tendencies involve a physical relationship... But here I am wanting one. And it's throwing me for a loop. And I find myself wondering if the assholes who thought trans women didn't need progesterone had robbed me of this too for all these years. And so I thought about finding a man to have a relationship with... and that's when I hit a brick wall. I am terrified of having a romantic/physical relationship with men. Absolutely terrified. And I have been for as long as I can remember, I just didn't understand what it was until now. I just avoided thinking about it. Because you know, trauma response. Something makes you uncomfortable avoid it if at all possible.

And I had no idea why. Except I think I know part of it. I have a good idea what men think of, want from, and how they talk about women. Seeing us as objects, not people with our own wants desires and needs. At best seeing us like children. I have seen so many of us killed by men who felt there masculinity was threatened by us because they didn't see us as women, but as men, and the trans men as women being uppity. I've heard what they say about us, because most of these men don't realize I'm trans and say it in my presence. And I remember Tyra Hunter who died while EMT's and Paramedics laughed at her instead of helping her. And then I remember all the times some random guy decided it was ok to sexually assault me.

I'd coped with that last part by believing that all women had been assaulted at some point in there lives... then a redditor said something that made me wonder if I was wrong, and then a reddit bot pointed me to resources when I wrote about those assaults. And then I talked to a DV advocate crisis line, because I was confused and hurting because I mean how could I have been assaulted so many times if it wasn't the normal level of misogyny all women faced? And if it's not normal then why did it happen to me? What more is wrong with me (yes on a rational level I know none of it is my fault but our brains are rarely truly rational). And the DV advocate told me. She told me that it wasn't normal. And suddenly I felt like I'd done something wrong. That I'd deserved what happened because I was an idiot.

And then I asked a reddit group of women if it was true. If it wasn't normal for women to be assaulted. And the first response I got was someone blaming me for what happened, rather than answering my question. And suddenly the little girl in me that has been in so much pain all along surged up and out. And I've been a mess since then and that happened two nights ago I think. But I'm not sure. Anyway, I'm feeling alone, confused, and really stupid. And part of me still has a hard time believing that advocate.

And just before all of this started happening in my head, just as we increased my estrogen, my counselor went on maternity leave, and I don't know who to talk to. And while I'm really happy for her, I'm feeling really lost at the moment. I've started looking for another counselor, but I won't get immediate help even if I saw them tomorrow, because I don't know them, because of my trauma history it is incredibly difficult for me to trust anyone, much less a counselor (my trauma history includes being traumatized by a counselor, a male one at that, which probably is a contributing factor to my fear of men) So yeah. That's where I'm at right now. Scared, lost, confused, hurting and parts of me also stuck in the memories images and/or feelings of the abuse I suffered growing up. It's not a good place to be.

The treatments are working though. I'm not suicidal during this past week, so I guess that's something? Maybe. But I find myself just wishing I'd gotten to grow up like a normal girl and that I didn't have to go through all of this. That so much time has been wasted dealing w/ this BS. And I hate it. I hate the universe for putting me and everyone in my community through this shit.

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: 9/3AM

Saturday we wore ourselves out with necessary errands. I needed algae wafers for the plecoes and some special girl food to tide Livia over. They had her shreds but not her kibbles there. (As I bought the last two bags of kibbles at the local last month, she likely has about a month of kibbles left, but with today I think the bird flu may have fucked the cat food supply and for Livia, the choice is a small number of turkey dominant limited ingredient foods or going back on the even more expensive prescription stuff. There are three more places I could try left, but gas is low and two of them are further out and one is super expensive.

All this is made worse by Livia having what is likely a psychiatric crisis, but could be early signs that her renal system may be failing again. Let us hope it's psychiatric, because that won't kill her and I think she's doing a little better tonight. There have been a lot of visitors and schedule disruptions, plus me being sick. That's a lot of stress for a cat who super extra is bad at change and gets stressed easily. Her urine remains normal, but her high anxiety behaviors aren't that different from the behaviors the time she almost died when she was a little over a year old, so I worry. She was eating almost normally tonight, so I'm still in the likely stress camp. fingers crossed

Anyway, OTC was right next to the way too hot pet supply store. I somehow miscalculated the tax again and also forgot surgical masks, of which I have nearly run out. @$&#!

The good cheap ethical grocery is right there, so I used the motor cart because most of me wasn't working well at this point. Inevitably, I forgot some things, but there were tiny oranges on sale and I have partially restocked some essentials.

My nails are doing almost okay for the first time in ages, so Goth Millennial painted them a subtly sparkly purple for me, just in time for social stuff with some of the Millennials.

I'm still not really caught up from all the spring car repairs. I am already seeing way more things I can't not buy like gas, litter, and probably kibbles and we are moving into the super expensive part of the year (September-January), where I have a bunch of extra things I can't not do like the oil/radiator thing my car now needs every six months, tabs, housing tax, Gothmas season). I had such high hopes when the COLA went up in January, but between the car and the extra electrical costs… yeah.

I'm not drowning. Not yet. It's been two straight years of everything breaking. I could sure use a year of nothing breaking. This was the first summer since the start of the pandemic I didn't need surgery in the summer. Let's hope the car and apartment follow suit.

[yuneu]

Hey cutieee <3333 don't worry AT ALL about not answering right away. I had read that you were sick and I was waiting for you to get better before sending another ask anyway!!! I feel like I'm high and also miserably not functioning every time I'm sick, so I really REALLY understand that!!!

OMG your sister is not NOT right about Italians, you know LOL although this trick would work better in the south, or by the coast. Here's my advice that should cover pretty much all of us: talk coffee and wine!!!! LMAO

Ohhhhh I'm SOOOOO into poetry I love so so so many poets. One of my favorites has to be Mary Oliver. Cliché? Maybe. But I love her. And I also love Wislawa Szymborska. Some good ol' Italian Giacomo Leopardi is a sad, existential one I always recommend too LOL and another Italian one who recently passed away (😢) is Patrizia Cavalli. Love her poems a lot!!!! and I'm also soooooooo into symbolism. Baudelaire. Rimbaud. Verlaine. But mostly Baudelaire. And the romantics OMG love them too. Wordsworth, little darling of mine, take me on the coach with you while you cross the bridge and write the most beautiful poem ever thank you very much!!!! (You can tell I'm particularly into poetry, can't you? LOL) You talked about being the most basic bitch, but look at the basic bitch that I am!!!!!!!

Awww OFC YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOUR BOOKBINDING BECAUSE *YOU* *MADE* *IT* !!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T YOU FEEL SATISFIED? DONT YOU FEEL A LITTLE BIT HEALED? I LOVE HANDMADE THINGS (I have soooo many hobbies revolving around this for one reason LOL)

Music and books >>>>> (and I would personally add movies, too. The Holy Trinity to me!!!!) That was an unfair question, I know. I apologize. You gave me artsy vibes too and I was curious about getting to explore this some farther!!!

Ooooh mirrorball, I relate. What you said, I relate to it!!!!!

OMG YOU CAN DRAW??????? 😭😭😭😭😭 CHARCOAL DRAWINGS??????? I *LOVE* THAT!!!!!! THIS IS SO COOL (I'm very much like Taylor when it comes to this, I'm very much *Stars. Do u like dem?* LOL)

I get that music-train thing. Cuz same LOL actually, living alone (well, not now cuz in back to my hometown for the holidays, but in general), I do listen to music A LOT. I listen to it when I cook, when I eat, when I clean my apartment, when I shower, when I do hobbies that don't involve sounds (I play instruments, I sing, I watch movies, I make silly little directing projects), such as crocheting or sewing or reading or embroidery or origami or some really fucked-up ugly painting cuz I'd feel the need to paint and then remember I'm really bad at it only midway and a full breakdown through it LOL

Anywayyyyy new questions:

First of all, are you feeling better? I really hope you are!!!! 🫶🫶🫶

Gonna go with some easier, faster this-or-that questions this time: tea or coffee? Sea or mountain? Sunflowers or roses? Tulips or chrysanthemums? Willow tree or cactus? Ice cream or popsicles? Sweet or salty breakfast? The Archer or Afterglow? Daylight or I forgot that you existed? 1989 vaults or fearless vaults? Red vaults or speak now vaults? Nail polish: yes or no? Folkmore photo shooting or midnights?

- Your Deer Santa 🦌🎅☃️

you know what i DO love talking about coffee… i shall try this on my milano trip 😙

i love that!!!!! i’ve been trying to read poetry in italian but my language aptitude is clearly not high enough because i just end up being so confused everytime 😭😭 oh baudelaire… such a fine poet. i’ve studied him so much in high school 😭 then it was verlaine they kept shoving down our throats again and again in my first year at uni lmaoo. my favorite work by baudelaire is definitely petits poèmes en prose (all hail the inventor of prose poetry). my literary love has been rimbaud since i was really young though! i have so many versions of his works, and i feel particularly close to him because my aunt lives where he grew up and wrote most of his poetry haha. my favorite poets altogether would probably be him, mallarmé and éluard. i got really into neruda and nicanor as well when i studied spanish literature. i feel like poetry is the one literary domain where you can’t be a basic bitch because there’s a reason the greats are so revered tbh

lmaoo i would say i can draw! everyone in my family is so talented when it comes to drawing so i’m nothing special lolol but i do love a good drawing! also i doubt you can’t draw! one of my professors who was a specialist of children’s literature always told us that most of the time when we think we can’t draw it’s because we can’t draw in a certain style (realism being the prime example). she digitalized a bunch of drawings that students who claimed they couldn’t draw did, added color, and it turned out it looked really good as illustrations for poetry books or kids’ books!

you play instruments and sing? that’s so cool!!! i’m so jealous!!! what do you play? what do you sing? 👀

1 - gradually getting better but yes!!! i still have a cough but i no longer feel like im on my death bed lmaoo

2 - tea or coffee (sorry italyyy)? Sea or mountain? Sunflowers or roses? Tulips or chrysanthemums? Willow tree or cactus? Ice cream or popsicles? Sweet or salty breakfast? The Archer or Afterglow? Daylight or I forgot that you existed? 1989 vaults or fearless vaults? Red vaults or speak now vaults? Nail polish: yes or no? Folkmore photo shooting or midnights?

these are such 👀👀 questions actually, what about you??? just realized i haven’t even asked you your favorite songs 😭😭 so tell me your favorites!!! hehe

[din-skywalker]

Okay, prompt but where Atreus tests out shapeshifting between male and female and he really wants to try makeup like he sees on Freya and he visits her to learn how she does it I would cry

Kratos is supportive in his own quiet way

no shut up cause this idea was so sweet i had to write something... and it got way longer than id been expecting. so here ya'll go!!

(disclaimers: i am on laptop so i can add the read more! also im not genderfluid so i wrote this based off of what i have read about being genderfluid mixed with my own experiences as someone who has struggled with no gender being comfy thing

also i didnt make the one who helped with the makeup be freya mY BAD I FORGOT bout that part of the ask and instead its angrboda now whoops)

Atreus had always wondered what it's like to be a girl, ever since he was younger. He'd ask his mom about it when he was younger, and no matter how much she ever explained to him, he never fully understood it, but by the Norns he wanted to understand. Most days, he was fine, not wondering about it. In fact, it never crossed his mind, and it didn’t matter. The other days, however, he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

He wanted to feel feminine. He wanted to understand; he wanted to wear dresses and makeup and be called pretty. He wanted to be looked at as a woman, not a man. It is such an odd feeling when this does happen, and he can never control it. He can tell it's more of a… “feminine day”, as he’s started to refer to it as, when he wants to paint his nails and grow his hair so long it nearly trails on the ground behind him like a cape.

He always tried to avoid Father as much as he could when he was younger on those days. Because he always called him “boy”, even on the days Atreus wanted to be a girl and not a boy. He felt bad about it, because Father didn’t know that. But he never knew how to articulate how he was feeling, because he didn’t even understand it.

He still doesn’t as he stares at his reflection in the water now, observing his face, skin itching. It’s a feminine day today, and he wants nothing more than to change his face, his hair and appearance to appear more of a woman…

…Wait a second. He can shapeshift. Why hadn’t he thought of this before? He can change his appearance. Normally it’s only between a bear, a wolf and his normal self, but maybe, maybe he could simply change his gender? His sex? 

He’s not sure, but he could certainly give it a try.

Concentrating hard on his face and his appearance in the water’s reflection- the trees of Ironwood as a backdrop- he focuses on that shifting in his gut when he changes form. He screws his eyes shut as his cheeks and forehead begin to burn, eyes stinging. He feels his chest shifting, his hands changing, even his stomach and legs and feet. Then he feels a change in a certain area and his eyes snap open. 

A new face stares back up at him from his reflection.

Instead of his regular face, with its smooth cheeks and curves, his face is much sharper, cheekbones stronger and his eyes much more narrow. His nose has become larger, his eyebrows thicker. His lips are plumper, and his cheeks have darkened with red. His hair is no longer shaved into his trademark style, but is much longer, falling like a curtain around his shoulders and over his wider chest. Some parts of it have curled itself into braids, while most of it flows freely.

He… He almost looks like Mother.

Atreus quickly hops to his feet, and finds that his thighs are thicker, his calves wider. Even his arms, hands and feet have changed, and he looks himself over with awe. 

He really did it. He changed his sex.

And while he looks a lot different in his new female form, he is still distinctively himself. He’s just… more sharp and long angles like his mother rather than his father’s broad and curved muscles. His strength is more obvious in this body, somehow, with his biceps defined and his calves strong.

He can’t stop staring at himself. He’s finally… feminine. He’s not a man. He’s a woman. A beautiful, gorgeous woman that’s not a rugged or handsome man. He feels giddy, and without thinking, he rushes to where he can normally find Angrboda; at her home painting on wood or large sheets of paper.

Sure enough, Atreus finds her there, Fenrir laid down nearby. He runs to her, grinning hugely while waving his hands. Angrboda smiles, looking across at him, “Hey Loki-!” until she suddenly loses her smile, no recognition in her eyes she stares at him. She drops her art supplies, standing defensively as he stops nearby, confused. Fenrir smells her fear and peaks his eyes open, but smells his father’s scent, and so he does not snarl at Loki. Instead, he lays his head back down. “Who the Hel are you?!”

Oh. Right. He’s not as recognizable as this. “Angrboda!” he exclaims, throwing his hands up to show he isn’t aggressive. “It’s me, Loki!”

Angrboda hesitates, tilting her head to the side, eyes squinting as she studies his face. Finally, she relaxes, but her eyebrows stay raised. “Woah,” she says, cupping her chin between her thumb and forefinger. “It is you. You look… different.”

He grins again, flapping his hands at his side to help release some of the energy. “Yeah!” he says, grin somehow doubling as he crosses the rest of the way to stand in front of her. He grabs her hands in his, both slotting together near perfectly. “I shapeshifted into a woman!”

“What? Why?” she demands, and for some reason, she sounds angry. Atreus hesitates, grin faltering at her tone. Why does she sound angry? “That’s disgus-”

“Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone else?” he asks, voice dropping as his words crack. She snaps her mouth shut, frowning at him before she nods in response. He wets his lips, nervous. He’s never told even Sindri or Mimir about his past feminine days. But he knows he can trust Angrboda. He quickly tells her, some of his words crashing together with his nerves. Angrboda listens intently, not looking away from him once, their hands still entwined.

Once he’s finished, she nods. “I completely understand,” she says, and his eyes widen at her admission. “I-” she draws in a breath through her nose, and just as quickly as he’d spoken, she tells him, “When I was born, I was a boy. But I never felt like a boy. So I became a woman. So I am a woman. I just never feel like a boy again unlike you.”

“Really?” Atreus asks, his voice dipping with surprise. When she nods, her eyes filled with tears, he lets out a shaky laugh. “Oh- wow! I never… I never thought there’d be anyone else like me! Or that anyone else would understand.”

Angrboda’s eyes widen with surprise, “You’re- you believe me?” When he nods in response, brows furrowed with confusion, she lets out her breath, “Sorry. No one else has understood. My parents tried to, but my… my grandmother never even tried to.” She throws her arms around him to hug him suddenly, laughing as she does so. “This is amazing, Loki!”

Atreus once more grins and quickly hugs her back, breathing shakily. “It really is, Angrboda!” Then, hesitantly he asks, “Does that… does that mean I can be… referred to as a.. Woman…?” It sounds silly to ask out loud. He was born a boy after all, even if he did change his sex. He’s not like Angrboda, who truly became a woman. He wants to be a boy again… eventually. He doesn’t know when, but he will at some point.

But she merely pulls back, grinning at him brightly. “Of course!” she exclaims with excitement. “You are a woman when you want to be, Loki! And you are a boy when you want to be, too! I’ll do my best to keep up with you.” She hugs him again. “You are… quite pretty.”

In an instant, his- no, her- cheeks burst with heat. She chuckles sheepishly as pulls away shyly. “Aw, thanks,” she says quietly. Angrboda merely giggles at her, and catches one of her hands. 

“I mean it, Loki,” she says earnestly. “You’re really pretty.” Then, she tilts her head to the side, studying Atreus once again. “Want a makeover? I’ve never tried doing someone else’s makeup but-”

“Yes yes yes please!” Atreus shouts quickly, nodding her head eagerly. She grips Angrboda’s hand tightly with her excitement, and Angrboda grins back, tugging her towards her treehouse.

“Right this way then, little lady!” Angrboda says, and Atreus finally realizes that as a girl, she is much shorter than Angrboda. Which isn’t fair, because Mother had been just as tall as Father and they’re both huge. So why is she never huge as a girl or a boy? Makes no sense in her opinion.

“I’m not that short,” she argues, and Angrboda snorts.

“Uh, yeah, you are.”

“Am not!”

“Sure sure. Let’s get you some eyeshadow… What color? Orange to contrast your eyes and match your hair? Or…”

----

Atreus breathes heavily as she approaches her and father’s home, tugging at the color of her armor fitted for her body in this form. Angrboda had helped her make it, because apparently, that’s another of the Giant’s talents. They seem to be endless, and Atreus will never stop loving her for it. 

Years after going on her solo journey, she’s finally returning home. And on a feminine day, no less… At first, she’d been debating on whether to just see her father again as a boy, but Angrboda had been firm in the fact that Atreus should not change herself. Not even for her father. Or anybody, for that matter.

“He loves you,” Angrboda had pointed out one night as they watched the stars together. “Even if he doesn’t really understand it, he’ll try to, and he’ll still love you.” She grinned at him, and he smiled back at her nervously, “Besides, you’ll want to tell him one day. Why not rip the bandage off now?”

Atreus is beginning to regret listening to her. She knows she’s right; Father does love him. He’s proved it time and again, no matter what she has done. Yet it’s still nerve wracking.

“Just act as if nothing has changed,” Angrboda suggested. “I did it with my parents until they asked, and then I answered all of their questions. Helps things be less awkward. Or, it did for us, anyways.”

So that’s what she’s going to do. Act as if nothing is different. She can do that. Hopefully. 

She reaches the entrance to their home and knocks. Quietly at first, before doing so again louder. It takes only a moment for the door to open, revealing her father on the other side. And it takes only a moment longer for Father to recognize him, eyes going wide as he stares down at her.

“Atreus…” Father breathes, disbelief in his tone. Atreus smiles up at him nervously, and scratches the back of her head nervously. She’s still shorter than him… Sure she’s grown, and now stands at the height of his shoulder, but she’d been hoping for more! Maybe as a boy she’s finally at least as tall as him. 

“Hey, Father,” she says, trying to put as much confidence into her voice as possible. “It’s, uh… been a while, huh?”

There are tears in Father’s eyes, and suddenly, he’s reaching through the distance between them. He cups one of Atreus’s cheeks, his touch featherlight, barely brushing against his cheeks. Atreus’s own eyes are beginning to sting. 

“You look just like her,” he whispers, words and voice tight. Her heart stops at the mention of Mother, and a few tears do slip free. Father brushes them away with his thumb, a great pain but love in his eyes. An old, deep pain rooted from the past. “Am I now to call you beautiful?”

Atreus’s eyes widen with shock, and her lips begin to shake as she realizes that Father already understands without her even needing to explain. She sniffles and pushes forward, hugging him tightly. He hugs her back, holding her close and tight.

“Y- yeah,” she says shakily, shoulders slightly shaking. “For today, yeah. Yeah. Beautiful.”

“Then you are beautiful, and I have missed, daughter,” Father mumbles, and Atreus is suddenly tiny again, the tiny child who had been confused by everything but always searching for their father’s approval and understanding. Finally. Finally she knows that he does, and always would have, if only she had, too.

Atreus nods against his chest, fingers digging into the new fur cape Father had sewn.

They are Father and son.

They are Father and daughter.

And they are Father and child.

[stormcrow513]

Hagging Out- Semtember 2022- Hand Baskets

@graveyarddirt

So as some of you know this month went off the rails on me almost immediately, with my cat Shy passing on the 8th, which is the day after my oldest sister who died birthday, and also childhood trauma, September fucking sucks for me already, so I tried my best to occupy myself with #haggingout but well this probably won't be my best entry just heads up going in, also I wanted to do a separate Autumn Equanox post but lost the spoons so I'm Hulk smashing em together hope that's alright Dirty

It was appropriately overcast on the Equinox this year, also check out my nails I've never had em this long before (I chewer) and this weeks the fist time I've painted em since I was like fourteen! Having em long was helping me detangle Shys fur, she also liked me runing em across her head, so I was motivated to not chew, I couldn't cut em or chew em right after she died so the other day I decided to paint em for spooky season, funnily the last time I painted they were probably black to,

I didn't do to much for the Autumn Equinox this year I was having a pretty bad brain day so I did offerings to the land, to the Horae (the seasons), to the Anemoi(the winds) asking for a wet winter, they've been to dry lately, and thanking them for the harvest I got/am getting,

that loaded backwards, but fuck it you get the idea, I gave oats and some tea that was starting to go bad, I figure rotting leaf juice is a good land offering, I also finished the last of my solstice/equinox working, I started December 2021 I finished September 2022, whew, and I almost forgot to do it too!

So while I still have some pumpkins on the vine mostly the harvest is winding down, here's my broom seeds!

The strawberries were in great form this year though if I'm honest there freaking me out a little, back you mangy vegetation! back I say!

And I'm so freaking proud of my broom this year, last year I only got a couple up, this year I got 20 sets of three seeds to come up, we did have an unfortunate bird attack so I had to rapidly cut the seeds down before I lost them,

Here's a shot before they'd all seeded and rippend, and then got mauled by evil little birds lol

honestly I think my backyard itself is my basket this year, I'm so amazed at the work ma and I have done to it, I told you all in my bed hagging out earlier it was struggling in the heat this year?

Well as soon as the temps dropped a bit the everything started blooming, the butterfly hit, and we've got like forty different bee species, I saw a fucking praying Mantus going up our lattice, my dudes I've NEVER seen one of those in nature! Also ma saw a fucking humming bird at our butterfly bush! Never seen that around here! Also also a humming brid mouth took residence here for like three weeks, I'd seen one up in the mountains once a few years ago got it on camera and was like the fuck is this, and it was so cool to have one just hanging around chillin on all the flowers and really liking the sunflowers that crop up every year,

This backyard was such a ugly waste land when we got here,

We'd moved in October 2017, I worked my ass off that first year getting all that wood bits off the ground to keep my dogs from cutting up there paws on it, there was also plastic crap under it and the dirt I pulled up, and there were these metal things around the rocks I had to get up also a paw slicing hazard, and don't even get me started on the fire pit, I went to move it thinking it was a ring with spikes pushed into the ground oh no these dumb fuckers varied a regular fucking big fire pit into the ground, anyway here she is now:

Only sad thing is the line tree died on us, there was a bad winter followed by fires near by that bolted out the sun a had a film of soot over everything, it tired but this extremely hot summer did her in,

All in all though while I can't fit my whole yard into my hand basket I've got broom and pumpkin etc and hopefully more next year!

I also was able to get a Hekate statue I've been wanting since last year! I spent all month praying over her while passing her through smoke,

And finally, with how upset Mittens has been with the loss of her sister ma and I after discussing and prayers to my Gods decided to go look for a companion for her, I found a pretty 4 month old kitten in a shelter nearby, we've been having her be a little apart so they can get used to each other and we've kept kitten in the bathroom at night, funnily enough we had a basket in there full of stuff and I walked in couldn't find her at first only to see she'd stuffed herself in it around the stuff, we ended up giving her a different basket cause she kept smacking her stomach on the hard rim and they'd recently fixed her, so ouchy stitches!

I've named her Circe, she's the third cat I've had whose name I plucked from Greek mythology

Does she count? She is in a basket, lol, also took me a bit to show y'all her cause I needed to get her added in to my protection spells,

actually does any of this count I had a little trouble trying to fit this one with where I'm at right now, anyway thank you for the challenge Dirty and for hosting these! Love to you dear♡

[the8thsphynx]

Hi. Belt it out for Romani/Solomon for the character ask thingy

HRNNGNG HI YOU KNOW ME TOO WELL

favorite thing about them

Romani is Solomon facing the consequences of his own actions and that's just funny to me. He asks to be human and while he's going looking at Mage Society (esp when he gets to Chaldea and sees all the shit Marisbury has been up to) and then getting to the shenanigans Goetia was getting up to the past 3000 years, Romani's just like--

On the bright side! I think this is what leads to Romani trying his best to be a good parent to Mash and also how he’s able to put on his Big Boy Pants and perform Ars Nova. It’s the most he can do to patch over what he’s allowed to happen.

least favorite thing about them

HMM... We talked about this together in DMs but I’ll lightly dabble on it here, too:

A lot of the writing for Romani early on, specifically the implied l*licon shit and how they went out of their way to make it seem like we had to hate or dislike Romani without discernable reason bugged me.

Also without going to into it... other Romani fans kind of get on me, too. There are people who either take Romani as a character too seriously or people that boil him down to just ‘gets pegged’ and both are nails on a chalkboard to me.

favorite line

His outro speech for Ars Nova.

LISTEN!!!! Temple of Time was so fucking good. 

brOTP:

Da Vinci and Romani. I don’t ship them romantically, I just love their dynamic and how well they work together. I see Da Vinci as the one that kicks Romani in the ass and pushes him to own up to his shit and to enjoy himself when the time is right.

OTP:

I!! AM!! A FILTHY!!! OC X CANON SHIPPER!!!

I AM A DIRTY NASTY OC x CANON SHIPPER WHO SMEARS MY OC X CANON THOUGHTS ON THE WALLS LIKE A MADMAN PAINTING CRYPTIC AND PROPHETIC CYPHERS AROUND MY ENCLOSURE!!!

nOTP:

None, really! I think every popular Romani ship has its really high points and reflects on his character and the other’s character (Meroma, Shebamon, Romavinci...). I guess if I had to pick a ‘block on sight’, it’s David/Romani or Mash/Romani, which I had the misfortune of learning exists.

random headcanon:

Romani is a Moe Shop and Takayan fan. His favorite anime is also Madoka Magica. (yes this also goes into how River’s favorite anime is Ergo Proxy.)

unpopular opinion:

Solomon was a horrible husband/lover and an even worse parent and I wish we as a fandom would clown on him more about this.

*points to his heir, Rehoboam* Look how bad he done went and fucked this one up. Legit to the point that when the much more well-adjusted son he forgot he had with his very much more well-adjusted ex-girlfriend showed up to ask for the back-end child support, Solomon tried to beg him to take the throne instead and then this illegitimate son looked him dead in the eyes and went ‘no thanks’ and fucked off.

...Also his wife who was the mother of his ONLY three other children left him to go be with his other wife.

That’s fucking hilarious. RIP Solomon, you’re the deadbeat male protagonist of an ABC sitcom.

song i associate with them:

Jeff Williams - ‘Indomitable’

...Yeah, sue me. I used a song from the Series We Don’t Talk About On Here Anymore.

favorite picture of them:

*struggling to breathe*

AND...!!! THE COSTUMING... AND CASTING... FOR THE STAGE... WAS SO GOOD!!!!!