#also i love it when characters have detailed shoe soles. they are a pain in the ass to draw but they always look phenomenal imo

[rapidhighway]

my love for him is stronger than any other force in the universe

[kopivie]

That idea about him losing a wing… ouch. I love it. It’s perfect. The added angst could really work considered his old master as Aphrodite, because in the original myth, despite Aphrodite being angry at Eros for disobeying her, she still loves him, but in Xiao’s case… there’s no motherly warmth to be found. His punishment is cruel and hard, with no sentiment or guilt behind it.

And then the reader still loves and accepts Xiao despite him being mutilated (which potentially has made him think himself unworthy of their love) and aaahhhhh the potential for hurt/comfort is strong here.

About the whole cliff deal… this might not be the best idea, but maybe it has something to do with Osial? As in, that’s who they’re originally fated to marry, and he could be some sea god who lingers around Liyue and occasionally terrorises inhabitants by the shore with floods and stuff. to slightly mix in another myth (Perseus and Medusa), maybe the reader was meant to be either a sort of offering to him—not to be eaten or anything like in P&M, but… appease him, which is a bit yucky—or to try and slay him, which despite their prowess, is practically a death sentence considering they are only mortal at the end of the day.

Regardless of which it is, Xiao would come in before it’s too late, either just taking them away or fighting Osial for (or with?) them, but maybe not before they’ve experienced their own share of angst and trauma (possibly near-death experiences, betrayal at how they were just left to their fate after hearing the prophecy without their loved ones making any attempt to change it, loneliness depending on how long they were there for, and so forth. Hell, to stray from the original, maybe they lost a friend/ family member/ etc. to a flood caused by Osial before, and now confronting him themselves is traumatic and painful to think about.) I like the idea of him being the one who carries them on the wind himself, but Venti could also potentially work if we want to stick closer to that little detail of the myth.

I think some liberty can be taken with the sisters’ characters, considering the reader obviously isn’t playable or has any canonical relationships to other characters, but if playable characters could be given those roles, it would probably be the most… engaging to work with, I guess, rather than conjuring up OCs solely for this purpose. The only problem is that all the Liyue cast is too nice to be jealous like the sisters are…

Also, the thing about the old god’s hatred arising from jealousy because they see themselves in the reader? Amazing.

-🎻 anon

the way i get flashes of scenes that could be written for this au... my thoughts are a little non-linear as a response, but bear with me! god i love this au so bad.

the idea of xiao swooping in to save the reader at the last moment is a good idea! like you said, adding that layer of complexity via trauma at the hands of osial is so good. throughout the fight, you have moments where you freeze or go limp when you otherwise would not. you wonder if the fear that you're suppressing is even a fraction of what your loved one felt before osial killed them.

to add another layer, maybe that loved one was the "offering" before you? and then of course you get chosen to be the offering by pure chance, but what are the odds of you being in their shoes next? you try to fight osial for revenge, but the grief that you kept locked away overtakes you and then xiao comes to your rescue when you physically cannot fight anymore.

(maybe he literally swoops in? with one golden wing and the other a fractured skeletal mess?)

the thought of the god having no remorse for mutilating xiao's wing is so heartless yet so.. WOW. i was thinking about it like... a twisted view of motherhood (or parenthood).

"i'm hurting you because i love you." or "you're always so obedient, so because you've disobeyed, i have the right to hurt you this way." or "this hurts me more than it hurts you. i gave you these wings; i gave you my trust, and now i have to take it away. look what you've made me do."

the point i'm trying to make is that xiao is held hostage literally and emotionally/mentally in this toxic relationship with this volatile god. and so when you, the reader, come into his life, you expose him to real love.

real, unshakeable love. the kind that isn't built on appearances, but built on mutual trust and understanding. eros is passionate, physical, and dare i say superficial love. but you teach him pragma — enduring love.

let me.. shift gears before i write an impromptu thing.

the sisters can probably just be close friends who voice their worries. their concerns are welcome and come from a good place, but it probably comes across the wrong way and causes the misunderstanding that sends xiao away from you.

and about that misunderstanding... the way we've been describing the reader thus far makes them incredibly unlikely to try and kill xiao in his sleep and reveal his identity by accident. i have no idea how that would happen.

because in the myth, that's what sends psyche on her trials and blah blah blah, big reunion at the end and they live happily ever after.

if this fic gets written (and i sincerely hope it does — i'm more than open to co-writing this with you!), it'd probably be a longer one. that is, if you want to touch on all parts of the plot. not adhere to it per se, but just.. touch on it. cause the rest is creative freedom :D

[pure-kirarin]

Slow & Steady [P6] [Sabo x f!reader] (+18)

A/N : Hello ! I wanted to start by thanking you guys for the AMAZING responses on chapter 5. This makes me want to continue investing in this story !! I read all of your messages and I cherish them, they make me want to continue. I'd also like to thank my beta reader for her hard work. I hope that you will enjoy this chapter as much as the others.

Please always tell me your opinion as it’s my kryptonite ! Also feel free to ask to get tagged.

Synopsis : Isn’t love a matter of timing after all ?  That’s what Sabo has always thought. It was about finding the right tempo, making the right moves and hitting the right spot. Patience is a virtue after all, and he had a lot of it. It all started when your ex cheated on you. You were heartbroken, you needed someone and he was there. Was he always that hot ? You didn’t know. But after that night you have never seen him in the same way. Chapter Warning : Smoking (cigarettes) - mention of ex relationships AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/31877203/chapters/81748033

P I - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 - P6

I made a playlist for this chapter but I suggest you listen to it after ! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3posJHlUg1XFJzQbPkjF0J

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The crimson-haired man ceased to look at you, as if it hurt to do so. Your lack of response discouraged him. How could it be otherwise? You had created a narrative where he was a cheater, believed in it, ended the relationship - all of this without him knowing; without him even doubting it. It was ironic enough that he who saw so clearly in the future, he who knew how to read people’s moves so easily was totally blind when it came to love. Or maybe had he tried to blind himself? To overlook the fact that you weren’t answering your phone anymore? To find excuses upon excuses for you? He had always been that type of person after all. As a big brother, as a “responsible” person, it was second nature to him to bottle up his feelings and to never lose composure. And even in this moment, he couldn’t tell you how much your actions hurt him.

But for once, he accepted the fact that he saw a future that you weren’t a part of. Deep down, he knew that by overlooking the signs and hints, he has also played a role in the downfall of your relationship.

He saw it too clearly: you weren’t his anymore. Just like when you excluded him from the decision making, choosing to put an end to your relationship on your own - you didn’t even have the courage to tell him that yourself. He had to do the same: fill in the gaps and read between the lines. He remained silent for a moment. He got up from his seat when he gave up on you saying anything.

He moved towards the door, ready to leave all your shared memories behind his back.

People don’t always get the closure they need in order to move on, he knew that too well.

“Katakuri,” you called for his name weakly. He didn’t know if it was his imagination or if you had really pronounced his name. He turned his head towards you, unimpressed.

Your heart was pounding hard in your chest. You knew that if you let him go now you would regret it forever. You knew that you had to tell him about everything. He deserved it, after all. It was hard to be the bad guy of the story. But you had been a bitch and you had to face the consequences of your behavior. Wasn’t that what being an adult meant?

“There is something else that I think you need to know,” He seemed interested now. He was listening to you without turning your way.

“I apologize for everything that I have done and I know that you will probably not forgive me and honestly, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't either.” You took a deep breath before going on. “What I am going to say might be hard to hear, but I feel like you need to know it.”

You don’t know exactly how the rest followed, nor how you found the courage to tell him about everything. You didn’t get to any details, it would have been too cruel, but you told him what he needed to know.

“I am really sorry, but I think that it’s best for us to split up. My feelings have changed, I have caused enough damage as it is. I think that it’s better for both of us. I am really sorry I hurt you.”

You looked down and from this angle you couldn’t see his smile. It was bitter, the smile of someone that had seen all of this coming. And yet, he was relieved that you confided in him. It was the closure he needed after all. At least now, he could move on.

* * *

The cigarette trembled between your index and middle finger. Your head was clouded. It took too much effort to try and empty your head, to try not to think of what was going to happen. You had lost so much already and what you were going to lose was beyond repair. With every breath you took, you felt your stomach contract and your legs get weaker. It was one of those days when you wished you hadn't woken up. Despite all of this, a feeling of peace submerged you. Peace? Maybe because you had been honest to your ex, maybe because you were trying to be honest to yourself. What got you into this situation was your indecision after all. You didn’t want to hide anymore.

If you can’t see it, then it doesn’t exist. This mentality of yours had to change and you were going to change it tonight. It was the best opportunity, it had to happen, you had to grow. Maybe to some extent, your “romantic” failures weren’t all to blame on others, maybe you also played a role, maybe you weren’t ready yet. Didn’t Sabo say the same thing?

“I thought that you stopped a long time ago.”

A firm voice broke your trance. His hand snitched the cigarette from your lips before putting it out with the sole of his shoe.

“Hey!” You whined in protest, features softening when you were met with his dark eyes.

“I did quit. But I was stressed,” you tried to justify yourself. “I needed it.” You mumbled.

“Bullshit. You always have the choice.” He shrugged and took place next to you on the sidewalk.

Choices, decisions, you were already done with all of this. An awkward silence swallowed the atmosphere, but it seemed as if it was only awkward for you.

Now that you had nothing to do with your fingers and mouth, you started scratching at your wrist slightly - a nervous tic.

The ambience of the park offered you, however, a feeling of safety. The darkness hid your embarrassment. He was now sitting next to you and it was as if words deserted your mind. He didn’t want to pressure you, he didn’t say anything. Under the moonlight, his blond hair took on a silvery shade. He kept looking in front of him, hands in his pockets. Silence didn’t bother him, he knew that something was wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t have texted him to come to the park at around midnight.

Truth is, you couldn’t calm down, you felt like you had to come clear about this whole situation, you felt like you had to make a decision. You felt that if you let today pass, then you would find one hundred excuses and hide again.

It was now or never.

“Sabo,” you started.

“Y/N,” he mirrored your answer.

“I’m going to tell you something... But please don’t judge me, alright?”

“Have I ever judged you?” He arched an eyebrow, his eyes meeting yours, making you switch your gaze almost instantly.

“Well... You have... Like that time I used the microwave at your place…”

“Y/N, you microwaved a fork…” You fake pouted as you playfully punched his arm.

“Well, the fork was in the bowl and Ace was there and he didn’t say anything! Not my fault.”

“And you trusted Ace?” he smiled and held your wrist to stop you. “He’s a living disaster. You guys can’t do anything without me, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah. What would I do without my Mr. know-it-all of a best friend?” you laughed it off.

Best friend. That word reminded you of the reason why you contacted him so late. You coughed two times, trying to switch his attention to you. Laughing things off helped ease the atmosphere. You twirled a hair strand around your finger then started as if you were going to give a speech.

“Hey, I’m gonna try to... be decisive…”

“That’s some character development.”

“Sabo!”

“Sorry, couldn’t help myself,” he said with a sweet smile. You sighed and started bouncing your leg nervously.

“So If I called you tonight it’s not to have the pleasure of your company… and it’s not to rip you off your precious hours of sleep... It’s also not to... ”

Noticing that you were starting to diverge from the topic, he held your hand in his softly and gave you an encouraging look. Honestly speaking, he didn’t have much patience around others but he had loads of it with you.

“I called you for something else. And don’t you dare hang up on me next time! I want to have a serious conversation about…everything, about us, and most importantly about…” you sighed before continuing “About my ex situation.”

He took his hand off yours now that you seemed calmer. He was surprised by your willingness to talk about such matters. It was a pleasant surprise to him, it meant that you wanted to take things in hand, that you were growing.

“I’m listening to you.”

“I thought that it was only fair for you to know as well... that I fucked up pretty badly. I assumed that my ex cheated on me and as it turns out, he didn’t. I just learned it this evening so I feel very confused and bad. It’s a long story. It was just me, assuming things because I was scared and because I feared confrontation. Then everything happened so fast between you and me... I shouldn’t have... I feel very ashamed. For him, for you, for acting so immature.”

Your voice cracked and you couldn’t hold your tears any more. You looked down and started wiping your tears with both hands on your face. You didn’t want to cry in front of him because you had caused him pain as well. Sometimes not taking action is also an action and it has consequences.

You didn’t dare look at him, did he look disappointed? Did he stop loving you? After all, you didn’t even know the reason behind his love. Maybe he was “playing games” too as that anon suggested on Reddit. No, you couldn’t afford to assume things again now. You had to be honest, raw, vulnerable. You couldn’t see his reaction through your tears, but you felt his hand on the top of your head, gently bringing you towards him, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Wow, this really sucks.” You were surprised by his reaction, but the fact that it wasn’t one of disappointment as well as his easy-going demeanour released your stress. You started sobbing, shoulders shaking. He didn’t know how to react at first, but one thing he knew for sure: you came first, and he hated to see you cry.

“Shh... Here, here... It’s okay to cry... Let it all out...” He then continued “It’s going to turn out just fine. You can count on me, okay?”

“I was a really bad person. I should’ve acted differently. I should’ve at least told you... or Nami or someone... but I just... assumed things... I was so scared that you’d stop... that you’d stop being my... friend... And stop loving me…”

His grip tightened around your shoulder as he pressed you a bit closer to him. He offered you a warm smile as he spoke in the same light note.

“Well, whatever happened, happened. I don’t think that you are a bad person. You’re human and you made a mistake that you’re now aware of. I know that you had no ill intentions. At least you learned something, hm? And about me... Aren’t you underestimating me a bit?” He smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Did you forget that I’m Luffy and Ace’s brother? I’m tough, you know.”

You were overwhelmed by his kindness, and this just made you realize that it wasn’t only about your feelings, you couldn’t count on everyone else to put up with you and clear up your mess.

“Sabo, you’re so kind.” Despite your mascara running under your eyes and you looking like a total mess, he found you incredibly beautiful. He felt proud, he knew how hard it was for you to go through all of this. He felt like it was worth it that he had loved you for this long, you were honest and strong, even if you weren’t aware of that strength, you had proven it in this moment.

“I’m not being kind.” He meant it; after all, his intentions weren’t all that innocent towards you, he had wanted you from the start. “I’m just being truthful, as your best friend.”

Maybe he wanted more, but he was content being your friend as well. Since for him everything needed time, he had no right to rush you.

Love is a matter of timing after all. Too fast and all of his subtle efforts would go to waste.

“About that... I mean... The “best friends” part...” He could easily see your chest heaving with your breath. Your heartbeat raising little by little until it was unbearable, your lower lip slightly trembling as you dreaded the weight of the words you were going to pronounce. He looked at you with genuine interest and curiosity; he laid off a bit, turning your way.

“I don’t think that we could act this way anymore...” You dug your nails into the palm of your hand nervously.

“I... told Katakuri about everything. I told him that I couldn’t be with him anymore because of how things have changed. I can’t be here and pretend that nothing happened when so much did…”

“Nothing has changed for me.” He said in a stable voice, trying to anticipate your reaction. Despite being sure of himself, of every step he had taken till now, he felt a hint of uncertainty, for this was a variable that he hadn’t taken into consideration.

“But everything changed for me, and I can’t ignore it. I can’t continue to play pretend... Of course it was convenient for me... And I didn’t wanna lose... Whatever it is that we have. But I didn’t realize that it had already changed. I can’t be your friend anymore, Sabo. Not like this. Not with these thoughts in mind. Not after…” Y our eyes flicked from his lips to his eyes and back. “After... everything we did.”

You didn’t give more reasons, but your eyes gave one hundred more.

We can’t be friends because I touched myself to the thought of you. Because I can’t help but think about being with you. Because I don’t stand the thought of you being with someone else. Because I love the way your arms fit around me. Because I love everything about you, from the way you say my name to these stupid blond eyelashes that reflect the light everytime you blink. And most importantly... because I love your way of loving me unconditionally.

As much as I want you...

As much as you want me back...

I can’t be with you, not now, because it would hurt me and hurt you even more, because I have to make a decision, because I can’t draw the line between love and lust and because I am afraid to wrong you in the way I was wronged.

But just for a moment, just for this time, you wanted to kiss him just one last time. You wanted to get intoxicated by that mint smell that you have grown addicted to. He looked at you as he drank your words, eyes reflecting the darkness of the sky. His piercing gaze seemed to understand your dilemma. Suddenly, the emptiness of the park felt too weighty and the air too heavy.

“Say something,” you pleaded, almost begging him to break the silence.

To words, he preferred actions. Before you even realized, he captured your lips into the kiss you were longing for. His hand was fast to encircle your back, pressing your upper body against his. Your fingers instinctively reached for the fabric of his shirt, tugging on it as to pull him closer. For him to kiss you so passionately, it only made you realize his burning desire for you. The more you kissed in an attempt to ease your craving, the hungrier you got for his lips, for his stupid minty taste. But it wasn’t nearly enough for you, the growing warmth and tingles created a desire that you were unable to appease yet. You pressed your legs together when his free hand gently rubbed your thigh. He kissed you deeply, almost willing you into giving up on your decision to give in to his embrace. He was indeed that good of a kisser, making you want to shift into his lap and have him inside of you. You whined at this thought growing more eager, tongue chasing his, teeth nibbling on his lips. But you eventually had to break the kiss, even when you prayed for the seconds to last for hours, it was bound to end. You took a moment to collect your breath again. His eyes were demanding, pupils dilated and greedy, yours were more modest, shifty.

“Looked like you were dying for it.”

He broke the silence, finger tracing your neck before lifting up your chin, making you lose composure as you looked into his deep gaze. It was too late to deny it, you were indeed dying for it. But instead of satiating you, that kiss felt like the promise of something forbidden. You only groaned meekly as an answer, feeling too weak to actively protest. You indulged in his embrace, resting your head in the crease of his neck. You breathed in his scent, even his hair smelled fresh like mint. As you took in a bigger gulp of air, you could inhale the subtleties of a thyme or violet underlying smell. What shampoo did he use? Another diverging thought that you discarded.

You closed your eyes. “Can we stay like this for a little longer?” you asked, and who was he to deny you so little? He revelled in your desperate need for his touch. He felt needed, wanted, but he knew that he shouldn’t get carried away, he knew that it wasn’t the right timing yet. So he just let you sink into his warmth. For now.

You peeled yourself off of him reluctantly. Your eyes avoided his. Nice progress ,he thought, but there was still need for improvement.

“I can’t be selfish, not anymore. I have to make a decision. I am sorry I can’t make up my mind yet.” Your voice cut through the silence, firm, yet not devoid of sensitivity.

You needed time, it was clear, but he was nothing if not patient with you. He was ready to settle for your friendship for now while he worked for your love, but he liked your idea more. He wasn’t one to push his emotions onto you, he was there to lead the dance, to toss a bottle into the sea. If good news came then good for him, if nothing came out then he had gambled and lost. But he wasn’t as detached and passive as things might have seemed, as he took multiple variables into consideration to place his best bet.

“Take all the time you need.” Not an ounce of annoyance was to be detected in his voice. It was steady, a rock that couldn’t be moved. He had what it took, he knew what he wanted and he was ready to wait for it because he had the deep belief that you were worth the wait.

“Why are you so patient? Don’t you think you’re too confident? Aren’t you scared? ” It was genuine curiosity, but you bit your tongue realizing that your words might’ve seemed cocky or doubting. His lips stretched into a roguish smile, making him devastatingly handsome. And here he was, a Sabo that you had encountered a few times between two eyelash beats. It was so destabilizing, the way he morphed into a totally different person from one second to another, giving you a strange feeling. It was something that you couldn’t fully place yet. He kept escaping from your grip while being totally still. He was like sand between your fingers and you were fascinated by the prospect of catching him.

“I thought that it was obvious, doll.” Here he goes again, calling you sweet names and raising the rhythm of your heartbeats. How did he make everything sound good? You would’ve scoffed at anyone else calling you ‘doll’, but that voice of his made it sound oh so appealing. Or maybe it was the seed of desire that he had planted in your core, that was now growing and blossoming, vines intertwining with your lungs.

He got closer again, black eyes scrutinizing yours.

“You can have all the time you need. What I want is simple, non-negotiable, immutable.”

At first he was startled; your ex appearing out of nowhere seemed like an inconvenience, but after giving it some thought, he realized that he was in luck. He didn’t have to make you choose, the choice was there for you to make.

“And what is it that you want?”

“You. But all of you.” He looked you up and down as he said this then got up. He wasn’t the type to settle for less. He wanted no compromises, no half-open doors, no half assed answers. If he wanted something then it was all of it, out of respect for you and for himself. Another reason was probably that he knew: the longer the chase, the bigger the prize.

He got up since he considered that the conversation was over now and it was also getting late. You looked at him, eyes wide open, cheeks aflame. His voice trailed off, cutting through the silence.

“No rush, I think that it’s better for you to focus on your exams for now. Will you manage without my help?” Another charming smile, shifting back to that playful Sabo you have always known. The mood felt less serious now.

“I think I’ll do just fine this time…” you smiled gently, following his lead.

“Good, then. Good night.” He put his hand on your head, softly ruffling your hair before turning back. He seemed a bit more distant now, like he was plunged into some deep reverie. You instinctively got up, looking intensely at his back slowly fading into the darkness. Before his silhouette got completely enveloped, you shouted.

“Sabo!”

He turned back instantly and you threw something in the air towards him. He was quick to catch it.

“I don’t think I need these anymore. Take them!”

He opened his hands, looking at the packet of menthol cigarettes and a blue lighter. He put it into his back pocket prior to giving you a proud smile. He then continued his way back home, leaving you behind. You felt both relieved because things had gotten a bit clearer, yet apprehensive since your feelings were still very much unclear. But maybe what you felt above all was exhaustion. You looked for a moment at your empty hands. Did you make the right choice? Whether it was good or bad, you couldn’t care less. At least you had acted true to yourself.

tag list : @chloenanami @mwls-garden @soanywaysistartedsimping @portgaslari @lofi-coffee @donvampiro @fishandfuck @vemuabhi @gabrielasalazar18 @kiriechanx

[bloodyspade0000]

30-day knb challenge: Day 1- Favorite Male character

↳ Haizaki Shougo

I am not justifying Haizaki's behaviour. I think he needs a tall glass of respect woman juice and therapy. This is just meant to explain why he is my favourite character and help you better understand him as a character. Do not send hate or take my words out of context. You will be reported, deleted and cancelled. Thank you and enjoy. :)

My favourite character is Haizaki Shougo *dodges tomatoes* a lot of people in the fandom hate this guy for many reasons. It's kind of funny how many people hate him and the amount of hate he gets just for existing. Like bruh; he's sixteen, leave him alone. 😂

His whole existence is just sad. He was literally created to be hated.

Like straight up, Tadatoshi Fujimaki even admitted that he hated Haizaki. Haizaki's sole purpose of existing is to make the Generation of Miracles look better even though they’re just as problematic as he. No one is fucking perfect and is about time people woke the fuck up and realized it. Your faves are problematic move the fuck on.

Yes, the Miracles are redeemable but so is Haizaki. Yet, unlike the Miracles, he does not get redeemable. No, he disappears and is never seen again. Like bitch, what the fuck!? if you’re gonna introduce a character to only have them disappear for a long time and either have them show up again or just never mention them again. Wasting the potential they had to be a very good character or not having them redeem themselves while the other characters who were just as fucking problematic get a fucking redemption arc because they’re fucking main characters!? What’s the point of that character even existing in the first place? What kind of bullshit is that? Just to have them exist to make the main characters look good? How the fuck does that make sense? Like where is my Haizaki redemption arc? Do I have to write it on my own? I will write it. I am writing one.

Haizaki is the only character I could relate to. Being second best, struggling to find somewhere to fit in and overshadowed and replaced by someone everyone thinks is better than you. It's fucking depressing, okay? You spend your whole life thinking you’re not good enough, and it hurts. I don't feel like going too deep into it because I don't owe you a detailed explanation of my trauma, okay?. So I'll save that for my fics where I self-project half of it onto Haizaki. It’s a coping mechanism, okay? Therapy is fucking expensive.

The anime ruined his whole character, got rid of his whole arc and shorted it down, and made him worse than he really is.

A post explaining how the anime did him dirty and goes more in-depth about his character

I am not trying to justify his actions, i.e. him manhandling Alex and beating Himura up. He does terrible shit. We all do lousy shit sometimes, but that doesn't make us bad people. Making mistakes is a part of being human, and we're supposed to hold people accountable for their actions and help them realize what they’re doing is wrong, allowing them to grow and change. Not condemn them and ostracize them, which leads to isolation and a lot of psychological trauma and self-hatred, and as someone who has dealt with—is still dealing with all three. It is not fun. It makes living painful. Highly unrecommended.

Haizaki does not have a positive role model in his life nor anybody he can turn to, everyone has already given up on him. Even Nijimura and Kuroko didn’t even try to help him, being more focused on the Miracles. (Yes, I know kuroko tried to stop him from throwing his basketball shoes away, but that doesn’t fucking count because after that Kuroko just gave up on Haiazki too). Haizaki has probably grown grew up knowing only violence and not a single ounce of kindness, turning him into the bitter and angry little boy he is.

Haizaki had so much potential. But instead of making him a great villain that potential was WASTED on fucking Kise.

Also, the Kaijo vs Seirin match in the winter cup was completely useless because Kise already got redeemed and he literally got no character development from it.

And Seirin was gonna fucking win anyways because duh thier the main characters. 🙄

Now some headcanons I think about a lot:

1. He gets abused. Some psychological behavioural consequences of child abuse are unhealthy sexual practices and juvenile delinquency, and Haizaki exhibits all three which are some external behaviours of most (NOT ALL) male abuse victims. Haizaki's a womanizer, aggressive, hostile and violent. Yet, he backs down when someone stronger than him comes around and puts him in his place i.e. Aomine and Nijimura.

a factsheet explaining the long term consequences of child abuse and neglect

How to help a friend dealing with family abuse or neglect

How to Handle Abuse

2. He's a victim. And when you're a victim, you either become angry and cynical with everything and everyone around you, swearing never to be a victim again and struggle with gaining back control of your life. Not wanting anyone to see you being vulnerable because being vulnerable makes you weak. Being weak makes you shatter. You always shatter like glass, cutting yourself every time you pick up broken pieces, watching as blood trickles through your fingers.

Your body is constantly on high alert. The default is flight or fight—survival to the fittest.

Or you bite your lip and keep your head down, bottling everything inside and looking for escapes or seeking validation. You want to be wanted and loved because you struggle with loving and accepting yourself. There's always a voice in the back of your head telling you, you're not good enough or that it's your fault. That everything is your fault. Self-hatred and self-doubt are your tormentors.

Or it's a combination between both—a constant struggle.

And I believe Haizaki portrays both from the way he acts and presents himself. Especially since his motto is literally "Survival of the fittest,” and he had once told Kuroko, " there are bad guys and then the really scary people," or something along those lines, which I believe he is talking from experience. You learn from your experiences. They either make you or break you.

3. He's touch-starved.

What Does It Mean to Be Touch Starved?

4. He's bisexual and has a lot of internalized homophobia. I can just feel his internalized homophobia rolling off of him. Bruh, I just know cuz I am bisexual, and I have struggled with internalized homophobia and still sadly struggle with it cuz I grew up surrounded by homophobic people.

I still live with them. 😭

Also, we live in a society that thinks straight is the default.

What internalized homophobia is.

5. His sexual awakening was probably Aomine or Kise. Could be both 😂?

6. He cries himself to sleep every night.

7. He's observant and a great judge of character. It's a fact. This guy literally predicted the downfall of the Miracles. Straight up warned Kuroko too. Too bad Kuroko didn't listen to him.

8. He's hilarious. When he first appeared in the manga, he literally called Himura a loser, lol. XD

9. He's a closeted softie and a total tsundere.

10. doesn't know how to react to kindness and will think you're threatening him or will feel really awkward and uncomfortable but will cover it up with his scowl, or he'll have a breakdown.

11. needs a lot of reassurance and head pats

12. swears a lot. Has no filter.

13. His bother is in the yakuza or some high position of power, and he feels inferior to him. It also explains why Haizaki gets away with things because he would have been kicked out of school if his bother wasn't either-or. I'm talking about his bother being in the yakuza, lol. XD

14. He and Momoi dated for a while but broke up on a mutual understanding that thier relationship just didn't work out. They're best friends and hang out sometimes.

15. Haizaki's good with kids and just genuinely likes them. He would be a great father and try his best to raise his kids right.

16. He gets sick really easily

17. He's clingy

18. He has no friends, mainly because he doesn't want people to get close to him because he's afraid of getting hurt again. Also, everyone in knb hates him.

19. He watches cartoons cuz he was never allowed to watch them when he was a kid. His childhood is trash, okay?

20. He hides in the closet because that's where he feels safe the most—rhetorically and literally.

21. Sleep-deprived and only runs on caffeine and spite.

List of fics that portray Haizaki better than the anime:

Heavy is the head by extrastellar

Idle Hands by DarkWoods

Another Chance by regretting my username_ (777imou_offline367)

What Matters is that We're Together by StrawFairy

06:00:00 of Haizaki Shougo (4) by ReiClien

This Is Happening by SharkGirl

What is Love by voices_in_my_head

A completely uncalled catharsis by oddball

One-shots

intertwined, under a spell by kornevable

ԼƠƔƐ & ӇΛƬƐ by Arthuria_PenDragon

delirium by extrastellar

me with you by doublejoint

Turn My Camera On by wordsliketeeth

At Summer's End by doublejoint

Taste by Hibari1_san

I Can't Get Enough of You by HisDarkSecret

I don't care if it hurts by llowsywriter

Ashes by doublejoint

broken things by lowsywriter

Series:

Finally found each other by suzakukills

This Is Happening Universe by SharkGirl

DNA by flowerway

My WIPS:

Isn’t it lovely?

Broken Crown

Love me, Love me, Love me

Grey skies

Rabbit hole

A playlist of songs that I believe fit Haizaki

Kuroko’s basketball’s manga

In conclusion, You can hate Haizaki as much as you want. But just keep it to yourself. Haizaki is my baby and I will protect him with my life.

[mindmeltonabun-blog]

Tale of the Nine Tailed: More Analysis and Theories (Ep 9 & 10)

If you haven't done so already, I would suggest that you read all of my other TOTNT posts before continuing to read this post because otherwise you might find yourself lost or confused as to what I’m talking about. For the most part, the majority of the theories that I have proposed here have came true which is great! However, there were a few theories, most notably my zombie theory that didn’t quite come true. Although I wouldn’t be surprised that if in the end we found out that the Imoogi had a hand in creating those zombies. 

Now this post may leave you in a state of exhaustion upon reading it, but I can guarantee you that it will be well worth your time at the end of it ! Additionally, I would like to apologize in advance if I haven't posted my theories or analyses right away, but I’ve been preoccupied with school work as well as tirelessly watching the US election. Needless to say, it’s been a very long week for me! I do want to write well thought out posts for you all, but at the same time I hope you guys will understand that these theoretical and analytical posts do require a great deal of time and extensive research. Anyways with that being said, let’s get to theorizing and analyzing the clues of which we were given in Ep 9 and Ep 10!

What The Imoogi Wants 

Initially, I had strongly believed that the Imoogi was after Lee Yeon’s fox bead because it was a form of “Yeouiju” which could’ve helped it become a celestial dragon. There are of course other ways an Imoogi could be a celestial dragon: 

1) Fox Bead/Yeouiju

2) Sacrificial Virgin Bride

3) Living to be 1000 years old

It should be noted that I am still somewhat uncertain whether in the context of TOTNT, an Imoogi would need to fulfill all three requirements to become a celestial dragon. In Korean mythology, it is heavily implied that the Imoogi only needs one of the three. Furthermore, in most of the popular myths about the Imoogi, it mainly seeks to obtain the fox bead/yeouiju. Thus, this is why I had initially concluded that the Imoogi in TOTNT was solely after Lee Yeon’s fox bead/Yeouiju and not anything else. However since TOTNT is an adaption of many popular Korean folklore, I think the writer is trying to incorporate all three requirements in their own unique way. Meaning that they are trying to add their own dramatic flair or twist to it. Now I’ve already discussed in great detail about the first two ways so now I want to focus on how I think the writer is trying to incorporate the requirement of living to be 1000 years.

1000 Years + More on Bok Gil/Imoogi’s Background

First, it is implied that Mountain Spirits are “celestial” animals (i.e bears, foxes, snakes, and tigers). By “celestial” I mean that you have to be at least 1000 years old in order to even be considered for this prestigious position. Therefore, at the time when Ah Eum had met Lee Yeon, he had just been recently appointed to that position. In the meanwhile, we as the viewers aren’t given any additional information as to what Lee Yeon had been doing up to that point. One thing is for sure, Lee Yeon must have been a real arrogant and egotistical ass. There I said it ! I mean just look how he behaved when he first met Ah Eum and Lee Rang! However, I think that by meeting Ah Eum and Lee Rang, they brought out Lee Yeon’s more compassionate side.

So you’re probably wondering well what the hell does this have anything to do with the Bok Gil/Imoogi? Well I’m getting to that! If you had remembered, I had theorized that Lee Yeon may have been the reason why Bok Gil committed suicide. Given Lee Yeon’s arrogant pretentious nature, I could definitely see Lee Yeon being completely unaware that his words and actions could’ve deeply affected others. One of those people was Bok Gil/Imoogi. 

I believe that Bok Gil/Imoogi is around or exactly the same age as Lee Yeon.  Bok Gil had probably died some time during the Goryeo or Joseon dynasty. What makes me believe this? Well just look at the kind of shoes Taluipa was holding. Those shoes are “Kkotsin” which were typically worn by men during those dynasties. Coincidentally, around the same time Bok Gil had died, Lee Yeon was appointed to the Mountain Spirit position. It raises the question, did Bok Gil kill himself before he was able to reach the “celestial” age of 1000 years old? I think so. Thus, he was unable to meet one of the requirements to become a Mountain Spirit. 

Collectively, I think Bok Gil’s backstory will have a lot to do with our understanding of the Imoogi’s true motivations . For the Imoogi, it’s not purely about fulfilling the requirements of becoming celestial dragon, but it’s more about personally getting revenge on the person who took away his chance of ever becoming a Mountain Spirit in the first place. If you think about, you didn’t see him trying to go after Sato or any of the other Mountain Spirits or any other Gumiho for that matter. He specifically zeroed in on Lee Yeon.

Maybe the only wrongdoing that Lee Yeon may have committed towards the Imoogi was that he simply existed. Though, I wouldn’t be surprised that Bok Gil’s death and his hatred for Lee Yeon had all stemmed from a simple misunderstanding because let’s be real here, one of the central themes in TOTNT is misunderstandings. 

Imoogis are typically seen as auspicious creatures in Korean folklore. Meaning that they are typically viewed as a good omen. Therefore, I think the Imoogi/Bok Gil was a good person, but because of his jealousy of Lee Yeon, he was driven towards depression and suicide. Upon coming back to life, instead of sadness, he was filled with anger and the need for revenge. I mean it’s easier to be angry than sad right?

Additionally, other theories I have for Bok Gil is that maybe his mother had foreseen he would meet the love of his life (Ah Eum) once he became the Mountain Spirit. However, this all changed when whoever decided that position belonged to Lee Yeon instead. If you think about it, Taluipa’s visions of the future are purely subjective just like Alice’s visions from Twilight. Meaning that the future is subjective because it is based on a person’s decision which can readily change.

Imoogi Changes His Decision of What He Wants

In the past, the Imoogi had wanted Lee Yeon’s heart. You might ask well what did the Imoogi mean by Lee Yeon’s heart? Did he mean his literal or figurative heart? The Imoogi could have meant his literal heart, but I think he meant it in a figurative sense. I think the Imoogi probably meant Lee Yeon’s fox bead which in traditional Korean folklore is the main power source/life force of a Gumiho, but I cannot say this with 100% certainty because TOTNT is after an adaption of many Korean folklore. 

Now in the present, the Imoogi changed his mind of what he wanted from Lee Yeon. Why? Because he already knew that the fox bead has disappeared into the hands of the fortune teller. The Imoogi with his great powers could’ve easily gone after the fortune teller to retrieve it had this been his main objective. The Imoogi’s main objective isn’t to become a celestial dragon. Rather, it’s to get revenge on Lee Yeon whom he believed had stolen the life he was meant to have. The Imoogi had wanted Lee Yeon to suffer just as he had when he was alive as Bok Gil. He wanted Lee Yeon to feel the exact same pain of having to lose everything most precious to him. Man the Imoogi/Bok Gil is so immature! Taluipa, you need to discipline/talk with your son !

Is Taluipa a Snake/Dragon?

Other things I think would be interesting to know is what kind of species Bok Gil was. As mentioned earlier, Taluipa’s character is based off of Samsin Halmoni. In both Chinese and Korean folklore, Samsin Halmoni and Goddess Mago have been viewed as being the same. Mago was described as having long birdlike/clawlike finger nails. Furthermore, the Goddess Mago was associated with snakes, caves, and the “elixir of life”. See where I’m going yet?

Although it has not been revealed yet, I think that underneath Taluipa’s human skin, she is a snake/dragon. Therefore, this would also make Bok Gil a snake just like his mother. However, I am still unsure as to what kind of animal Taluipa’s husband is because as far as we know, he is just a regular human with immortality that was granted to him by Taluipa. If that is the case, would Bok Gil have been only half snake? 

Does Taluipa Realize The Imoogi is Her Son?

I don’t think Taluipa has realized that the Imoogi is her son yet. If you remembered, I had said Bok Gil’s soul was in limbo. Therefore, when his soul traveled back into the land of the living, it had probably randomly jumped into whoever’s dead body was in that cave, thus this would make him unrecognizable even to his own mother. 

Other things to note is that just as there is many foxes in the TOTNT, it should be assumed that there are also many snakes/Imoogis too. So Taluipa might not have realized that this one particular Imoogi was actually her son. 

I think also that the Imoogi has the ability to cloud Taluipa’s psychic powers of clairvoyance. The decisions we make determines the kind of future we will have. And where exactly are decisions made? In our minds. We obviously know that the Imoogi has the psychic power to read others’ minds, but I think he also has powers that can block others from reading his. Without being able to see the Imoogi’s decisions which are made mentally, Taluipa cannot foresee what he will do next, only what he is doing presently. It’s about to be mother and son psychic power showdown ! Ouch, my brain hurts just thinking about that !

Resolving the Entangled Mess

In some of my previous posts I had suggested that Lee Rang will be the one that tragically dies. At the same time, I did leave room for the possibility of him having a happy ending through means of reincarnation. In this week’s episode, we were given another possibility of how Lee Rang might achieve a happy ending for himself such as untangling the mess.

Well what is this mess? I’m so glad you asked! Below is a chart that I drew as a visual aid to help you all understand the mess that currently exists in the world of TOTNT. I must say the mess in TOTNT is almost as messy as the US elections right now! 

As you can see from my chart, the Imoogi has gotten Lee Yeon cornered in a sort of checkmate move. To win the Imoogi’s game, one must find a way to resolve the following two conflicts: 

1) Lee Rang’s deal with the CEO

2) Imoogi piece inside Ji Ah

In doing so, one will then be able to remove the Imoogi completely!

Lee Rang’s Deal w/ The CEO

I had mentioned in a previous post that another common theme in TOTNT is deals/contracts. In ep 10, Taluipa’s husband advised to Lee Rang that he should try to think of a way to get around his contract with the CEO aka find a loophole.

What does “Quid Pro Quo” mean? It means that an item or service has been traded in return for something of equal value. The CEO had saved Lee Rang’s life and in return Lee Rang must comply with returning the a favor of equal value when asked. The favor the CEO asked Lee Rang was to bring Lee Yeon which essentially is a favor of equal value (a life for a life). Remember that if you choose not to comply, the power of the contract will force you to complete the favor anyway. However like with any deal, there is always a loophole. This loophole exists in the definition of Quid Pro Quo...of equal value.

Let’s look back to that chart that I drew earlier. What is the most precious thing to the CEO and is basically considered his life? THE CHERRY TREE! Without this tree, the CEO cannot survive. The CEO knew Lee Rang was being swayed by his brother as well as Lee Rang having knowledge of what his greatest weakness was. So then the CEO took precautions to ensure his greatest weakness could never be used against him by having the cherry tree be wheeled away to a safer location.

In order to avoid bringing/killing Lee Yeon, Lee Rang must find something of equal value to give back to the CEO to repay his debt. And that something of equal value is that damn cherry tree! Go Go Lee Rang! Find that cherry tree, return it to the CEO, and afterwards when the contractual rings break....KILL THE CEO ! 

While this does ensure the death of the CEO and the end of the contract between the CEO and Lee Rang, it does not ensure Lee Rang will survive in the long term. Meaning, Lee Rang cannot survive without the cherry tree either unless there is another means of extending his life (maybe elixir of life?). I do wonder what the typical lifespan of a half fox is. Things are implied, but yet there is no definitive answer as exactly how long a half fox can live. It also raises another question, can a half fox live forever provided that it does not get fatally injured? 

Imoogi Piece Inside of Ji Ah

Now onto resolving the 2nd conflict which is how to remove the Imoogi piece inside of Ji Ah. Well I think it can go two ways:

1) Lee Yeon strikes up a deal with the Imoogi:

Lee Yeon will let the Imoogi take his body only if Imoogi would agree to removing the piece of himself that is inside Ji Ah. Now here’s the part where both Ji Ah and Lee Yeon could work together to stop the Imoogi once and for all. Remember that Lee Yeon is susceptible to the effects of evening primrose so when the Imoogi enters Lee Yeon’s body, it will also share the same vulnerability. Ji Ah could trap the Imoogi/Lee Yeon with evening primrose and then use her Shaman powers to remove the Imoogi. After all, one of the powers of a shaman is the ability to excise evil spirits!

2) Taluipa provides Lee Yeon with the elixir of life or turns him human

I will write out more of this theory later, but ngl guys I’m exhausted! Sorry!

Ji Ah = Supernatural Being=Shaman Goddess

In Ep 10, the writer is once again dropping clues like its freaking Christmas that Ji Ah is some sort of supernatural being. We got her female coworker asking if Ji Ah is even human. No she’s not human!! Then we saw how the Imoogi could read everyone else’s mind except for Ji Ah’s. Why? It’s the same reason why Lee Yeon couldn’t hypnotize Ji Ah. It’s because Ji Ah is a supernatural being (shaman goddess) that has hidden powers that makes her immune to powers of other supernatural creatures. 

If you don’t still get it by now, I’ll give you this example: Edward Cullen and Bella. If you remember from Twilight, Edward Cullen could read everyone else’s mind except for Bella’s. Why? Because Bella had that special shield power which was later revealed once she became a vampire. 

Therefore, just like Bella, I think Ji Ah has a bunch of special shaman powers that can be unlocked somehow. Don’t ask me how right now, my brain is struggling to write this sentence as we speak. 

Last Remarks

Okay peeps, I struggled hard to try and write this. I am literally exhausted after staying up super late and waking super early to watch the US election results all week as well as doing my school work. So now I want to relax and celebrate the win of my President Elected, Mr. Joe Biden! I may or not write a separate post on what I think will happen in Ep 11. So stay tune! 

P.S: If there are any other questions about TOTNT that I did not address, please feel free to leave a comment and I will do my best to try and provide you with an answer!

[komkommertijd]

Maxiel Italy, please? 👀

Ahhh thank you so much! I don’t think I’ve ever really talked about this fic before outside of the one mood board (x) I made for it, I’m a bit nervous haha

I have to be real honest, I haven’t worked on this fic in 10 months, so I had to read into the first chapter again to remember the details! I also have to say that the title of that folder is kind of confusing, since the fic isn’t even set in Italy for the most part. It’s somewhat inspired by an Italian series (not plot-wise, it just somehow made me come up with this), and the actual main character of this story has a connection to Italy, so maybe that’s why I chose it.

While Maxiel is the main pairing of this fic, they’re not exactly the main characters. I’ve been a bit anxious about this project because this story builds around an OC, and that feels kind of weird and like something people might not be into? That’s why I mostly kept quiet about this fic, that and because I have so much editing to do, it’s painful - it’s a pretty complex story, why do I keep torturing myself like that?

The original plan for this fic was to split it into three parts, with each part written from the perspective of one character (so Max, Daniel, and the OC) through the various stages of life of that OC but I have to admit that I haven’t gotten that far yet with that fic; I’m really trying to take my time and work through it slowly, to get all the details and my ideas well thought out.

Anyway, have Max interacting with a child because the conversations in this fic are very dear to me for some reason, and because I’ll keep rambling for another hour if I don’t put the snippet here now :”)

“She left Papà. She's not coming back but that's okay. I still have Papà and Papà has me, so it's okay, right?”

Max nods gently, not sure whether there is actually a right reply to the girl's question. He doesn't want to discourage her or scare her with his thoughts, so he keeps quiet for a while and thinks about how a child can be so chill about it all. He doubts that Ludovica is showing him all her feelings, she surely must be at least slightly upset about her parents- breaking up? divorcing? Max doesn't even know that. He's not her guidance counselor, he's her English teacher, he shouldn't want to know that anyway. Still, it concerns him, and he shuffles his feet on the step underneath them, tiny stones cracking under the soles of his black shoes while Ludovica looks at her hands and smiles.

“I love Papà, he tries his best. He wanted to help me with my uniform today, it was a disaster. He paid my hairdresser to show him how to do my hair,” she tells Max and giggles at the last sentence. Max chuckles softly and compliments her hair, he's glad that she is opening up to him about it, hoping that it might somehow help her to talk about this with someone who isn't a family member, someone who should have an emotional distance, someone who has a different view on her situation.

“Papà keeps saying that I remind him of my mom. I feel bad sometimes, I don't want to make him sad when I remind him of her. I think he misses mom more than I do,” Ludovica continues, and Max continues thinking about it all, and he almost loses his balance on the stairs when the roaring of an engine breaks the comfortable silence of the almost empty parking lot.

(Send me an ask with the title from this list that most intrigues you, and I’ll post a little snippet of it and tell you something about it!)

[thefilmfatale]

Jojo Rabbit (2019)

Who says you can't laugh about the Holocaust? Certainly not Taika Waititi.

The Hunt for the Wilderpeople director’s latest film Jojo Rabbit, set in Nazi Germany with a fanatical Hitler youth at its center, is uproarious, funny, and anything but glib. The story follows 10-year-old Jojo Betzler (played by the effortlessly charismatic and magnetic Roman Griffin Davis), who idolizes Adolf Hitler so much that Hitler (played by Waititi) has become his imaginary friend, popping up like a proverbial devil-on-one’s-shoulder during random moments of turmoil to comfort and counsel our budding young Nazi. 

Jojo’s dedication to the cause is unwavering. Thanks to some imaginative Nazi propaganda, Jojo is convinced that his purpose is to exterminate Jews, whom he envisions as winged creatures that eat children and hoard anything shiny. Alas, after playing cavalier with a grenade at Hitler youth camp, Jojo suffers an accident that renders him unfit to keep training with the other children, including his best friend Yorki (played by the adorably precocious Archie Yates). He’s promptly sent home, where his angst grows due to being isolated from his Jew-hating peers. To add insult to injury, he discovers that his mother Rosie (Scarlett Johansson) has been hiding a Jewish girl in their home. Outraged and beside himself with indignation, Jojo hatches a plan to get rid of the Jewish girl, seizing it as an opportunity to prove himself as a true Nazi believer to his peers. 

Jojo embarks on quite the character arc, and Waititi once again proves that he is a masterful director when it comes to working with children. His ability to elicit the purest, most delightful performances from child actors is amazing (just as he did in Hunt for the Wilderpeople), and the audience swiftly finds themselves endeared to Jojo and the rest of the cast. Performances from everyone were delightful, with Waititi allowing each actor (such as Johansson, Sam Rockwell, and Rebel Wilson) to bring their signature flairs to their characters. While the film is approached mostly as a period piece from an aesthetic standpoint (with costumes, set design, and color palettes largely faithful to the period), Waititi’s deliberate choices in making it anachronistic serve two purposes: to punctuate the satire, and to help make what should be a very sobering subject matter more approachable.   

The story, a loose adaptation of the book Caging Skies by Christine Leunens, while quirky and sweet certainly doesn't shy away from the real horrors of the holocaust. It’s a tightrope walk to juggle humor and atrocity, but Waititi makes it seem natural. He also knows precisely how to tug at heartstrings without being melodramatic. Jojo Rabbit’s triumph is ultimately in its ability to treat the topic of ideological extremism with the ridicule it so often deserves while at the same time provoking interesting questions about why people get sucked into blindly following charismatic demagogues, entrenching themselves in hate-filled cults, and spouting toxic ideologies. The best part? Waititi does this with so much thoughtfulness and nuance, all while serving up an entertaining, poignant story. 

By the end of Jojo Rabbit, you’re not raising your pitchforks screaming about the injustice of the Holocaust—that would be rather trite. Instead, you’re reminded that humans are complex, multi-dimensional, and capable of both immense kindness and unbridled terror. It’s a celebration of people’s capacity to change their minds. More importantly, it’s a reminder of the beauty of comedy and how laughter can be the best medicine during turbulent times. 

(More—including spoilers—under the cut)

What I love most about Jojo Rabbit is the depth of each character and how there’s so much to dissect and unpack for each one. Beginning with Jojo—we learn that not only is his father far away, in danger, fighting somewhere on the frontlines, but that he also lost his older sister Inge. We’re never told in full detail what happened to her, but the main takeaway is that her death, coupled by the absence of Jojo’s father, were tragedies that may have propelled Jojo to seek out the philosophy of the Third Reich. It’s not uncommon for young fanatics to get swept into hate groups when they are at their lowest points. When you’re angry or feeling helpless and lonely, it’s easy to externalize your pain and find someone to blame, whether it’s an entire gender, people of certain ethnicities, or members of a different political party. It’s simpler, you see, instead of owning one’s problems and acknowledging that the world doesn’t revolve around you. By making boogeymen out of people who are easy targets, we assert control over the senseless things that happen in our lives. It’s a way to feel powerful.

When you’re young, there are so many things that are out of your control. You’re caught in this torrent of everyone else’s decisions—your parents, school, your peers, society at large—and you’re looking around, flailing and hyperaware, that you’re living what is supposed to be your life and yet there seems so very little that you have ownership of. That's Jojo’s story. Not only is he caught in the middle of a war, but he’s grappling with some seriously heavy shit: an absentee father, a dead sister, a craving for acceptance from his peer group and, ultimately, a longing for connection that is rooted in positivity rather that hate. 

At first that connection seems to be cultivated by his mother, Rosie, who is literally and figuratively the most vibrant character in the film. From her bold, striking fashion sense and rouged lips to her joie de vivre, Rosie is, to quote Mulan, a flower that blooms in adversity. Even during the bleakest of times, she finds ways to uplift her son, whom she can tell is hurting. Her bursts of energy, her ability to find excitement and enthusiasm even in the most mundane of things, her rally to dance in the face of tragedy—all were reminders that dwelling on hatred and sorrow, while easy and sometimes necessary, is a crutch in a balm’s disguise. We must always forge ahead and seek hope when all feels lost, like “staring a tiger in the eyes”, as Rosie would say. That’s why, despite the risks of being caught by the Gestapo, she housed a Jewish girl in her home. In some small way, she was doing her part in the resistance against a hateful movement. While Rosie says she’s never stared a tiger in the eyes, her act of defiance came at great risk to herself, and that’s true courage.

In one of the most heartbreaking scenes in the film, Jojo is wandering the streets when he notices a bright, blue butterfly fluttering against the backdrop of hate-filled propaganda smattered on the city walls. He chases it wistfully and accidentally stumbles on the gallows in the middle of the town square. All the audience sees, hanging from the gallows, is a pair of legs with bright-colored shoes, and our hearts immediately sink. It’s Rosie. Waititi leads up to this shocking moment during a previous scene, while Jojo and Rosie are hanging out by a river. Rosie makes fun of Jojo for still being unable to tie his own shoes. She’s skipping gleefully on top of a concrete wall, with the camera trained low at Jojo’s eye-level, so the audience sees a shot of her shoes as she taps into a merry little dance. Waititi counts on viewers remembering this quiet scene to make what follows truly devastating. The effect is quite heart-stopping, and it’s impossible to want to reach out and give poor Jojo a hug as he cries out and wraps his arms around his dead mother’s feet. It’s then that Waititi makes his message known: Yes, there’s plenty to make light of in the world, but you can do this while also acknowledging that there’s plenty of darkness. It’s an impressive balancing act, and Waititi does it with so much wonderful exuberance and earnestness that it’s tough not to commend.

Viewers notice that the more Jojo focuses on the positive things in his life—his mother, his new Jewish friend Elsa—the less we see of his imaginary friend Hitler. And this is a deliberate choice by Waititi to prove a point: when you are consumed with hate, you’ll want to constantly keep feeding it because it’s comfortable and easy. As humans, we have a biological negative bias that we rely on as a means of survival. The very idea of entropy exists as a reminder that it takes more work to put things in order, to be good, to rise above, than for things to decay and distort and devolve. The more you fill your life with things that bring you joy, fulfillment, and contentment, the less you’ll rely on poisonous literature and toxic people. While this isn't exactly an epiphany for most of us, one may applaud Waititi for the inventive way he delivers this message.  

Another delightful character who, on the surface, seemed to be solely there for comedic effect, was Sam Rockwell’s Captain Klenzendorf, who’s tasked with whipping up these little rascals into Nazi-fighting shape. From the very get go, we sense that this man’s commitment to the Nazi cause is entirely for appearances’ sake. From his clandestine romance with his right-hand man (played by Games of Thrones’ Alfie Allen) to his soft spot for Jojo, the audience is led to believe that this man is merely pretending to be a hard-ass because that’s what you were expected to do, else be accused of treason to your nation. One could assume his affection for Jojo had something to do with being able to sympathize with the young boy after Jojo is relegated to doing simple jobs due to his injury (Klenzendorf claims he was benched from the frontlines because of an injury that led to him having a dead eye). But it’s toward the end of the film where we fully realize the totality of his character. In an earlier scene, Jojo is bullied by some older boys into killing a rabbit. They jeer at him as he wrestles with the decision to kill an innocent animal. He’s torn between wanting desperately to ingratiate himself into his peer group and staying true to the part of himself that’s kind, pure, innocent, and staunchly against needless violence. The music builds as we lean forward in our seats waiting to see what Jojo does. He decides on an act of mercy at his own expense, releasing the bunny and yelling at it to flee from danger. Unfortunately, before it has a chance to escape, the bunny is snatched up by one of the older boys, who wrings its neck in front of all the young boys to see. 

At first this seems like a scene that’s simply supposed to be an obnoxious display of bravado. But Waititi calls back to this scene towards the end of the film twice. Klenzendorf arrives at the Betzler household when it is being searched and ransacked by the Gestapo, who suspect Rosie has been aiding Jews. Jojo is terrified, not just to be discovered as traitors by the Gestapo but for Elsa’s (the Jewish girl they have been hiding who has now become his friend) safety. To get ahead of the situation, Elsa emerges from her hiding place and pretends to be Jojo’s dead sister Inge. When the Gestapo demand her paperwork, she shows them Inge’s old ID card. Klenzendorf immediately intercedes, grabs the ID from her hand and demands that she variate her identity by stating her birthday. Elsa stammers in response. “Correct,” Klenzendorf confirms flatly. The Gestapo consider this acceptable and vacate the premises, none the wiser. We discover immediately that Elsa had actually given the wrong birthdate, and Klenzendorf could have outed her right then, but decided not to. He was helping the bunny escape.

In another scene, when the Allied troops march into Germany and start rounding up all the Nazi soldiers, Jojo (who has a Nazi officer’s jacket on) is mistaken for one of them. He runs into Captain Klenzendorf, who creates a commotion by wrenching the Nazi jacket off of Jojo’s back and pushing him away, telling him to flee while yelling at him for being a dirty Jew so the Allies don’t execute him. It was an act of sacrifice from a man who recognized himself in the young boy. Klenzendorf saw Jojo’s gentleness and purity of heart and knew this kid needed to live. He released the bunny, stared a tiger squarely in the eyes—at the expense of his own life.

Jojo Rabbit, while certainly laugh-out-loud funny and full of amusement, is a moving story about heroism from a group of people who rarely ever get acknowledgment for their acts of bravery. These were Germans who defied their Führer and their Aryan brotherhood at great risk to their own lives. While these acts will never erase the horrors of the Holocaust, it’s a reminder that people are complicated creatures, capable of miraculous acts of mercy and horrific deeds of violence. It implores us to think about how some of the people that get caught up in hate groups are hurting deeply and just looking for something to blame their pain on. It definitely doesn’t excuse their actions or the bile they oftentimes spew, but it merely reminds us that behind every caricature is a human being in pain. 

Even if you see Jojo Rabbit and don’t think it’s that deep—you may say “Starr, it’s just a comedy about stupid Nazis, it’s not even a true story”. What is true about it is that we live in a world of grey, and while it may be simpler to put people in buckets of black and white, hero and villain, good and bad, more often than not we are all just hurting in some way. What’s true about it is that we have more in common than we have differences and ultimately, everyone regardless of race, creed, sexual orientation, craves the same thing: freedom; Freedom from the burdens that we carry on our shoulders, from dead loved ones to strife and war. Freedom from the fear of persecution for being who we are. The freedom to wear whatever we want, screw whomever we want, and to dance like no one’s looking. 

[commander-orca]

COTW fanfiction

CHAPTER 6: SEEMS LIKE BACK THEN

He should have known. Orca should have seen clearly through the captain. These were the thoughts that ran through his mind as he turned back and walked towards the Faleina Gardens. As satisfying as it was to jump to conclusions and deduce that Suoh had shown nothing but false kindness to him, that was not the truth. Orca had seen in his heart many times and if this masquerade had been only the effect of a game, carefully prepared and for the sole purpose of punishing him, he would have known it immediately. People couldn't lie to him without him discovering their true self. The genuine Suoh was a young man who preached forgiveness and worked for peace. If Orca could set foot on this island without being worried - or almost, he observed, gazing at a few malicious glances around him on the upper reaches of the village - it was thanks to his reconciliation policy. It was thanks to his humility and his empathy for Humans that made him understand that pain and emptiness sometimes push Men to commit atrocities. His respect for all life made him believe in a possible redemption in everyone and in the intrinsic good of even the worst Man. Suoh was calm and loving, but words and gestures didn't always reveal everything that was going on in either person's head. Obviously something was odd. The most godly being could not go on on living as if nothing happened when his people died at his feet. There was something out of whack in his gaze, a hesitant gleam, that didn't yet know whether or not he was enjoying the beginnings of this sadism. Of this terribly human sadism.

The day passed with not too many new inconveniences. Orca participated in a new war council during which the rules they had previously established were deepened or changed according to the limits the Whale possessed. The most pacifists had reconsidered their positions, had suggested new attempts at negotiations despite Orca's detailed explanations on the Karakarias’ commander’s personality. There was no way you could bargain with Sarigari, Orca knew it better than anyone. And yet these mules persisted. Suoh had stood up for him for a moment, declaring that there was nothing they could do against such a cruel man whose weaknesses they knew nothing about. There was uneasiness in the room and Orca had known, not even needing to raise his head to look at them, that everyone had stopped and thought: 'and yet we’ve picked up the madman'. But he took no notice nor any offense. He was thinking of Suoh and the way their eyes had met during a silent moment. The young chief had immediately turned his head away, his gaze dark. If he had been from this island, Orca would have found the Captain's recent behaviors disturbing and would certainly have addressed them with him. But he was only an outsider, a scourge for the most part. His voice was worth nothing and talking to Suoh would surely bring unnecessary mayhem. Plus, maybe it was this morbid interest he was taking in overseeing the way Suoh's character morphed, but part of him maybe wished to see what would occur if the captain of this island broke away from his utopian ideas. More than anyone, Suoh deserved to make a few mistakes, to let his anger explode, to be brittle, brutal and resentful, at least once in his life.

Orca made his way to his new home without detours this time. All the advisers' voices still talked uselessly and endlessly in his head and he yearned for some calm. He had come by the infirmary earlier to see how Kannavi was doing, since he had volunteered to help as a nurse. They had agreed to meet later. Orca was happy to see that he was already acclimating just fine. Once home, Orca heated up the plants his sister had provided for his dinner on a tiny wood-fired stove. The aroma that emanated from it was tasty. The heat of the cooking, however, reminded Orca that his clothes here felt heavy and bulky. He wouldn't last long in that thick robe; it was unsuited to the hot and moderately humid climate of the island. He would soon have to find a new one. The man had barely seated himself at the table when an individual rushed into his house, slamming the door against the wall. Orca looked startled for a second, then relaxed almost immediately, seeing that it was only Kannavi. A smile rose to his lips; his presence comforted him more than any other. In his company, he didn't feel the need to prove himself and unlike the others, Kannavi didn’t expected nor tried to get anything from him.

“Orca! "

The silhouette of his friend quickly shed his shoes and his first aid kit. Orca let out a small laugh.

"Always so motivated when it comes to lazing around with me, aren't you?"

Kannavi stepped into the lamp light, followed by a rustle of fabric, and collapsed on Orca's bed. His arms crossed behind his head, he stifled a yawn.

“I deserve it! I spent the day picking up plants and restocking ... "he complained.

"Yet it was you who offered your ai- Hey a minute!" Orca cried, amazed.

He pointed to the garment his friend wore; it was a long, airy tunic that went down to his calves, cut three-quarters at the sleeves and relaxed at the collar. By candlelight, it took on a light gray and taupe hue. Kannavi straightened up immediately, his fatigue forgotten.

“It's stylish, isn't it? "

He spun around so Orca could notice the presence of an ocean blue ribbon dividing the clothing at the waist, as well as thin white linen pants. The whole thing gave him a carefree air and the colours of the countryside. He wore these fabrics with ease, as if he had always lived here.

“I was choking in the sun, so I was offered these clothes. I like them quite well, they are very convenient and light. I can make grand movements ”.

Kannavi immediately illustrated his point by taking strange poses like the comedian he was. Orca was amused, he bent down and slid the fabric of the robe between his fingers.

"It's very pretty indeed!"

He got up on his legs and indicated his dinner to his friend with his hand. The plants in the bowl were still steaming and there was enough for more than one stomach. With the small bedroom only having one chair, they both huddled along the length of the bed and munched on the herbs. There was something deeply peaceful and domestic about the atmosphere in the room when filled with the right people. The clicking of the cutlery against the ceramic tinkled in this comfortable silence, accompanied by the regular creaking of the wooden structure. A single painting, hung in the middle of the wall without any other ornamentation, swung, almost unnoticed, along its cord. The painting of the sea of ​​sand it depicted seemed to blow by itself out of its frame.

"Did they teach you what it was?" He asked, after a while, his bite upside-down, stuck between the tines of the fork.

"I think so ... But I have no idea what it is anymore," Kannavi replied, shrugging, "You know I never recall anything I’m told!"

-True ! That's why you got kicked out of the army!”, Orca chuckled.

Kannavi slumped down again against his friend's mattress.

"I'm exhausted, I'm gonna fall asleep here ...

"If that makes you happy ... Only, one of us would probably end up on the floor," Orca chuckled before falling beside him on the mattress with a thud.

Kannavi stared at him for a second, eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrowed. The features of his face deepened until he uttered a slight exclamation, then stood up to rummage in his briefcase.

" I forgot ! "

Another laugh.

"Yes ... You forget everything!"

-No, I'm serious. Take a look! "

Orca stretched his back and slowly straightened up. He stared at him vaguely, his head spinning with fatigue, his cheeks flushed and his thoughts no longer in place. Kannavi placed the thing in front of him, forcing him to take a step back to see better. He noticed a long white tunic, adorned with a black ribbon. His style and cut were the same as his friend's.

" For you ! I stole it from the tailor. I thought you might need it considering the way you walk around this island. You look like a ghost chained to his ball! "

The man opened his mouth, stunned. He was less surprised at Kannavi's manners and habits than at the circumstances and the place surrounding the action.

"We're not in the army anymore… You should avoid doing that…" Orca scolded him, a little unsettled, but he did not get angry at him.

“It wasn't completely irresponsible. I knew that if I didn't steal it, nobody would give one to you ”.

Orca's chest clenched tightly, his body overwhelmed with bitterness. The curse of this island began to operate; he felt carried by a flood of emotions which, matter of time, would end up irrigating him entirely. He was touched by the gesture.

Kannavi seemed to detect this change in his face.

“You look changed again. You're almost like that time, when you had come back from the island ... "

Orca stared at him in the whites of his eyes, stunned and almost apprehensive at the words that were coming out so easily from his friend's mouth. There was a fear that pinched his stomach and panicked the more he sank into Kannavi's eyes. He was fighting the terrible letting go of those feelings he had believed lost and which not only brought back the part of him he wished to hide, but also brought back what he had long considered to be his authentic self. be. The gargantuan line of emotions long repressed and untreated in him, aroused a dazed panic that threatened to drown him under this torrent of affect.

Kannavi placed his hand on his heart, his eyes finally escaping the limpness that had hunted him all his life.

"I think I'm also starting to feel things ..."

The edges of Orca's lips quivered.

“I feel like crouching down and balling my eyes out when I think of my parents. And when I saw some kids playing today, my heart started pounding, even though I hadn't run since yesterday. So that’s it, what these bewildering sensations you had dreamed of are? "

Orca met his gaze once too much. It was all he had wanted for many years; to be able to offer his friend a universe which would make him discover what he could have been in a world without the Empire. Watching Kannavi blossom into  the variety of human emotions and experiencing them with all the intensity he deserved would be his treasure. However, too many memories came back to him; those they had been able to live together without knowing how to express what they felt and how much they cared for each other or how much their loneliness weighed on them. But also those whom they had lived apart, in the decisive turns of their lives which should have stuck with them and their hearts but had left only a bland and dull memory, as well as in the most innocuous situations which should have left them marvel at simplicity. All these moments were superimposed on this scene, now, like a temporal layer that one would have placed on this present one.

What was left to do when a hundred feelings were released and projected out of their cage onto someone who knew no way to figure out what all those gestures would mean anyway? Orca had a heavy heart. He thought of Kannavi and imagined his parents without too much difficulty. How many years had his friend lost before he could finally be himself? How many moments of indifference had replaced those that should have been made to bring him joy, pain, fear, excitement, tenderness ...

Orca lowered his head. His hands gripped the fabric of his dress, but it turned out to be unnecessary. Tears started to stream down his cheeks. In an instant, his upright and majestic posture had collapsed, revealing the hunched posture that had previously defined him as much as his number in the army.

"Orca ..."

Kannavi breathed him, taken aback, but ultimately not really. After all, he was used to his friend's frequent crying sessions. The young man reached out and gently ruffled Orca's hair. There was little to do when they arose... Other than to bring him comfort.

"I didn't think that would make you cry, Orca ..." he wondered, slightly grumpy. “Sorry, it's my fault”.

And, as Orca wasn't moving, and his tears didn't stop, Kannavi gently pushed his hands away from his eyes and pulled him into a protective embrace. Long white hair cascaded down Kannavi's shoulders as Orca buried his face in the crook of his shoulder. When the crying was reduced to faint sniffles and no light was visible outside, Kannavi inquired:

"Which Orca am I talking to?" "

He lowered his head into Kannavi's hair.

"The weak one ..."

Kannavi retained their embrace and closed his eyes. His presence comforted him more than the others. They had known each other as the two stumbled through existence, struggling to recognize their dreams and imagine themselves happy one day. They had known each other at a time in their lives that seemed like a dead end. Stuck together. Orca had been the first person to befriend him, to show him of his importance. Something like this was unforgettable. But above all, he had been the first to need him, to prove to him that he was not born incapable and that he could bring things to others. When he was busy soothing Orca, these words took on full meaning.

"You should give him a little more room ... I think this Orca likes it here ..."

The young man bent down to grab the garment he had stolen, without shifting his friend.

"Don't you want to try on the dress then?" It would look good on you, you know ... "

Orca slowly pulled away and wiped his already dry eyes. He sat up straight on the bed, his hands between his legs and stared at the robe.

“Imagining yourself in it and trying it on is not the same,” Kannavi protested, “Anyway, I took it now. I'll tell them I gave it to you. "

The look Orca gave him was not convinced, but he took the robe anyway, removed his old black garment and pulled the new one over his pants. Finally, he tied the dark ribbon around his waist.

“Wow! Looks like a whole different person to me. Disturbing... ", Kannavi commented.

Orca made some movement inside the garment. The fabric didn't rub his skin, it gently tighten around his waist and protected him from the chill of the night without being suffocating. He threw himself a curious glance in the mirror. He looked ... He looked like he did when he came back from Kitrino. He looked like a carefree young man, who knew how to laugh heartily and who would run in the cornfields, rush to help the neighborhood and climb up the trees. Much had changed since then. His body was no longer the same. And the gleam that shone in his eyes once, followed a very precise direction which now had gone astray ... But he would not cry for Kitrino any more. He had already shed all his tears, once.

Orca turned around and the robe fluttered in front of him. His smile was clear and playful.

"I love this dress, Kannavi".

And, looking at each other, they shared an instant of joy, stolen away from the world.

[addictedforbooksquad]

B O O K  R E V I E W

╙ T H E  Q U E E N  O F  N O T H I N G  B Y  H O L L Y  B L A C K

genre: fantasy, young adult

publication date: 19th November, 2019

rating (1-5 scale):

writing:   ★ ★ ★ ★

characters & character development: ★ ★ ★ ★

could-not-put-it-down factor: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

general rating: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS!

 “By you, I am forever undone.”

Exhilarating. Feels-inducing. Heart-attacking. I didn't just read this book. I devoured it. Inhaled it through my pores. Drank it in with haste and thirst as if indulging in faerie wine after a year-long fast. Perhaps from a storytelling point of view, this wasn't as good as “The Wicked King” but nevertheless, I revelled in every single page. I read it in one go, from cover to cover, and all I can say is that it was absolutely worth a sleepless night. And then it left me so satisfied and full of reflections and feelings, then I just cannot stop thinking about it. And aren't those books, which leave us content and sated, and yet somehow yearning for even more of a good thing, just the best? Now, onto the details, the good and (despite 5-star rating) the bad: I. the sister thing Anyone who knows me, knows that I absolutely hated Taryn in the first two books. Betrayal of her sister aside, I just found her utterly and unforgivably...boring. In "The Queen of Nothing" though, I was happy to discover depths to her character that weren't that fleshed out before. From killing Locke (YASSS!!!) to standing up to Madoc, side by side with Jude and Vivi, Taryn finally showed with her ACTIONS, not words, which side she is on. And look, this perhaps doesn't erase what she did to Jude in “The Cruel Prince” but I liked how the story unfolded between them in this last installment. This is not a series about pure-hearted good characters. They all did awful things. They all did some of those awful things to each other. So in the end, I'm glad there was no "grovelling" on Taryn's part, no act of "official" forgiveness. That's not how things work in Faerie. More than that, all the sisterly moments! Loved them! Whether it was Taryn trying to gossip about Cardan with Jude or the three sisters united against Madoc, it was great to see a positive sister relationship in a fantasy for once. I definitely prefer them together than apart and set up against each other. II. the trick thing I had lots of theories after finishing "The Wicked King" about Cardan banishing Jude from Elfhame and damn, do I have a satisfaction of getting it at least partially right. I know a lot of people hated what Cardan did in TWK but personally, I loved that plot twist. I thought it evened out the playing field between them and I always knew there was more to it anyway. And would you look at that, it was indeed a trick! When Jude and Cardan reunited and he was so utterly confused that Jude WASN'T proud of him for pulling one over her...priceless. He did it to impress her. He did it to protect her (and his kingdom). He did it to, let's face it, get back at her. It's so wonderfully twisted, my pitch-black heart rejoices and flutters. Added to that delicious cake of dark and twisted is a cherry of irony on top which is the fact that Jude did realize that she could pardon herself...and didn't. She, who is usually so smart and devious and quick to pick up on other people being smart and devious, wasn't able to see through the smoke screen and guess Cardan's true intentions. Which isn't that surprising to me, because when it comes to feelings, my daughter Jude is the most hopeless and oblivious person in that fantasy realm. That lack of trust in Cardan cost her and it only underlined what needed to change - to be able to rule together, Jude and Cardan need to lower their defences when it comes to one another. But more on that in the next point. III. the love thing Jude and Cardan's dynamic has been one of my very favourite things about this series from the start. I love them both as characters and I love them as a ship. I was happy to find out that what unravelled between them in this last installment was utterly (with some minor mishaps) satisfying. Their reunion, untangling the coiled web of mistrust and misunderstandings, learning to trust and be trusted...it was everything. I longed to see them as allies and a team, rather than enemies and reluctant/forced co-operators from the start (not that it wasn't fun to see them as enemies and reluctant allies, IT WAS SO MUCH FUN) and here I got what I wished for. Love scenes, their talk of lowering their shields, those that had been kept up for so so long, melted my heart. Cardan's love confession? Perfect! And so fitting for him in my opinion. Only he would say ILY in such an off-handed manner.

Basically:

"Hi you probably already know this because you're so smart (and I love you) but I've loved you for a long time, OK we got stuff to do BYE" Perfection 😍😂 Cardan was also, quite obviously, Jude's first stan, and I just live for relationships like that. And the longing between them was so palpable. Especially in Cardan's letters to Jude, I could feel how much he missed his Queen *ugly weeping* I'd say that Jude's confession could've been handled better, as in, there could've been even more build-up to it, considering how good she is at holding on to her walls and defences. Still, I loved it in its own way. IV. the character development thing I know there are some who were dissatisfied with the plot twist and the ending. Personally, I thought it was very fitting though. The decision that Jude faces? Between love and power, between her own humanity and the possibility of utter control over Cardan? That dilemma was the best way to capture the character development she had gone through throughout this series. Ever since the beginning, Jude had been wondering about one thing - where will she draw a line? Is there a line that she won't cross to get more power? She got her answer in this book. As Jude was making her choice between killing Cardan or killing her chances at ruling Elfhame, I was crying heavy tears of someone who had witnessed a painful yet utterly satisfying journey. Jude had always been scared. Jude had always resented being weak and human. Jude had always craved power and security for herself. Jude had always hated being vulnerable and relished in the control she gained over Cardan. And with her choice, she embraced so much of what she had once resented. She chose hardship and uncertain future and opened herself up to being hurt. She chose love. She chose being human and weak and what-the-hell-I'll-deal-with-it-because-I'm-not-weak-at-all. She chose Cardan. *this reviewer took a 5-minute break at this point to wipe off all the tears from her keyboard* The point is, I loved the character development this choice represented and yet, Jude also remained very much herself by doing this. V. the loose thread thing Not to be overly sweet on this book, there were also some loose ends, all right. For one, I wish the relationship between Cardan and his mother was explored more, same with more insight into Jude's biological parents, especially her mother. It seemed like it was teased a lot in two previous installments and yet, I didn't experience nearly as much delivery as I expected on those subjects. I just wish there was more on this. VI. other things

Cardan calling Jude his wife, THE FEELS ARE REAL

the not-so-subtle hinting at the possible Taryn-Ghost romance, I dig it

loved the conclusion to Jude and Madoc relationship, he got exactly what he deserved

onto punishment topic, I also loved that Cardan left that responsibility solely within Jude's power

underlining the fact that Cardan is very stable in his feelings, very un-faerie-like was very much appreciated, I love one (1) Faerie boy

Vivi and Heather getting their HEA as well, YESSSS

the symbolism of Cardan creating two thrones from one, my heart stopped

Cardan in the mortal world (P.S. I NEED MORE OF THIS, approximately 483949 pages more)

I could go on and on but there was just so much - and in such a (relatively) short book too. What I will say is this - The Folk of the Air had been shaping up to be one of my favourite fantasy series, and "The Queen of Nothing" made it into a fact. Which it could have very well failed to do, as it often happens with final books in a series. Because ever since I finished "The Wicked King", I've been holding my breath, waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop and for this final book not to live up to the very high expectations I've had for a conclusion not only to a great series, but also some of my very favourite characters and relationships. But after reading this, "I feel as though I can finally breathe again."        

[haku112]

Character Bio: Sekhen Niles (Warframe Operator)

https://hawker-the-gary.tumblr.com/image/610896697224249344 (My operators apperance drawn by @hawker-the-gary​ (again, THANK YOU! :) ) Name: Sekhen Niles

Age (physically): 22 years old.

Description: Sekhen is a long (173 cm) tanned skinned boy with black, wild hair that sweeps to one side, brilliant golden eyes, small mechanical implants on his cheeks, forehead and chin and beep blue veins that stretches over his neck, throat and the sides of his cheeks and spreads down over his shoulders and upper parts of his chest. On his head he wears a blue and red Yakini diadem that stretches from behind his head and ends above his ears in a Ceasar laurel wreath style as well as having earings that wrap around the outside of the ear. He wears a Manduka transference suit with a black small scarf and a protective helmet that usually is stung back behind him over his back, he has black sleeves with red near the rim of the sleeve, the shoulders and other parts untill the waist are a sandy color with a line near the middle and bottom half of the shirt being black and the most middle part is a light blue color with a small decorative piece over the chest being black with two red gemstones. He wears the Vent Pobber pants which is mostly black with blue stripes at the legs with the sand color for his shoes with red soles. BEFORE THE ZARIMAN INCIDENT The Orokin had observed that Sekhen has qlways been a more reserved child, quiet, cold, aloof and distant, watching the other children play from a distance, not involving himself with them, more content digilently, patiently learning and mastering things that kindle his curiousity, things like swordplay, calligraphy, playing the Shawzin, playing Komi and Reading, especially things like battle strategies fascinated his young mind and he very quickly absorbed knowlege like a sponge, especially about history which wowed and stunned his teachers. DURING THE INCIDENT When he learned that he and a few other Children was sent on a ship out into space he was not that interested at first but then after thinking about it, this was a chance to maybe get new knowlege and expand his horizon, agreeing to join the ship. Seeing how the adults started to slowly but shurely become twisted by the energy of void, leaving their minds broken as they in time began tearing eachother apart in feral frenzy, leaving the children scared and helpless, Sekhen did not know what to do, no great strategy how he would escape would enter his mind Before a piercing shriek entered his mind as one adult started attacking one of the children who had accidently strayed to close, looking for her mother among the corpses. Without a second thought he rushed in while grabbing a broken pipe and started to fend away the feral adult, bashing their head in with an echoing, metallic ring. When a shaky, scared breath whispered “thank you” to Sekhen, he knew what he had to do. He quickly rounded up the small group of children that was with him and guided them to an easily defendable cargo hold where they would hole up untill they were safe. When rescue finally had arrived and the Principal investigator Kaleen arrived after what felt like an eternity on the ship Sekhen had started to open up to the others, trying to comfort his peers however he could, making him learn compassion and companionship, something he had lacked Before the incident had happened, when Kaleen was scarred by the power of one of the frightened children he had tried his best to help her to no avail as she was permanently and horribly disfigured. AFTER THE INCIDENT After the incident Sekhen suffered greatly at the hands of the Orokin who know feared him and the rest of his peers as the void had changed them and given them strange new Powers, witnessing horrid experiments on them before the one known as Margulis saved them and found a way to harness and Control their Powers using tranference into the surrogate bodies known as warframes. Sekhen was grateful to her, seeing her as a mother and loved her as did all the childred for she had cared for them like her own, adopting them.

Personality snippet He is a quite friendly, open and curious boy who is also very patient and calm. He rather plan ahead in detail rather than rush in headfirst and recklessly or thin out the enemies lines first before taking out the main target. He has a nack for strategy and always tries to think three or four steps ahead of his enemies following the Naramon school of knowing your enemy to quickly and efficiently take them down. He can sometimes be a bit of a perfectionist though  and come off as a bit overcatious and annoying. Though he has nothing against other people he mostly fight solo, out of old habit, when he is in a team he always tries his best to be a good supporter, picking off enemies and leaving them vunrable using his warframes abilities to best turn the tide of the battle in their favour even he can be a Little overcautious asking if any help is needed or giving off tidbits of advice. He prefers to use his Vectis sniper rifle from a distance, though he is not afraid of getting his hands dirty up and Close if he has too using his kopesh blade cutting his enemies down in a flurry of quick slashes. He has intense love for Music playing the Shawzin and practicing whenever he has free time as well as playing Komi both alone and with other people, tenno and otherwise that he meets under his travels. The incident and recent cruelty he has witnessed during his travels have made him very empathic and compassionate to the pain of others and the people of Fortuna (The Solaris) especially. This is one of the reason he has bonded with Inaros, hearing the story of his as a saviour of the people of Mars. He has also grown a great distaste or even hatred for the corpus, both for making sickening proxies of the “ dead” husks of warframes (the Zanuka) as well as exploiting and enslaving the people of solaris making his dispatching of them on a mission very thorough and with cold, calculated efficiancy.

Fun Facts He has a pet Kubrow named Jasiri which looks like a spotted hyena clad in sand color, blue and red Amphatz Armor that Sekhen just adores and pets, she means the world to him and Always gets a bit anxious when he takes her with him on missions. Jasiri herself is a very friendly and cuddly doggo, though very proud as well as fiercely loyal and vicious in battle, Always eager to show off how powerful she is mainly so Sekhen don´t have to worry about her. He also have his own pet MOA he calls “Buzz” (After Buzz Lightyear, cuz well...i love the Toy Story Movies) and becuse it makes a buzzing, almost chirping sound. Curious and brave it inspects and analyses Everything new it sees and is quite a bundle of energy. Sekhen also quite enjoys collecting gem & minerals, some of which he has displayed in a small shelf in his orbiter. He is also a fan of fishing as he finds it quite relaxing. @keyenuta @hawker-the-gary​ Well, ehm here is my Operators Bio >/////////////////////////////< hope you like it...was not shure on what personality traits to give him and hope that nothing i wrote broke lore or something….or just sounds embarassing >___<” *nervous* ehm, anywho enjoy

[webcricket]

Remember Rio; or, What is Love

Characters: CastielXReader ft. Dean Winchester

Word Count: 1984

Summary: Castiel has some hesitations early on in your relationship. Thankfully Dean is there to kick him in the ass. One confused celestial, non-explicit talk about sex, cowboys, and kisses.

Dean hoists a dry-rot ridden wooden box to waist-level and hurls it unceremoniously at the floor. The container collapses in on itself upon impact, contents skittering amok in a cloudburst of dust.

Several of the larger knickknacks cease their tumble at Castiel’s feet. He doesn’t bother to look down, too absorbed in inner turmoil of thought to pay any heed to them or Dean’s growing frustration.

The hunter isn’t annoyed about the frantic search through someone else’s collection of crap, it’s in the job description. What he is annoyed about is the angel’s brooding. And Cas happens to still be standing in the exact same spot he dallied in the last time Dean turned around from his present task of tossing a storage shelf in this dimly lit basement in search of some a cursed trinket Sam said they absolutely positively needed to destroy to save the world. Dean has as yet unspoken reservations about the merit’s of his brother’s claim and the moping celestial both. He picks up a delicate vase next – an intricate pattern of pink flowers and thin bright green vines laces the rim – and intentionally drops it arching a speculative brow when the angel doesn’t so much as flinch at the tinkle of shattering porcelain.

Boiling impatience pries apart the bite of the hunter’s tongue. “What the hell, man?” he grumbles. “Are you planning to just stand there all night or are you gonna help me find this damn totem?”

Cas blinks, blues resolving into focus on his friend. “Sorry, I was thinking about the other night.” The other night in question being the night of your third official date with the angel and the very same night you jumped his celestially articulated bones only to have him proceed to politely excuse himself mid-makeout session just when things got heated enough to warrant the peeling off of clothing, leaving you winded, wanton, and clutching his trench coat.

“Come on, you’ve been thinking for three days about something that requires zero thought and all the action.” Dean quells a reflexive roll of his greens, stepping over the glittering shards to clasp him roughly by the shoulder. “What are you so worried about anyway? You’ve done the deed before. With that reaper-” Dean scratches at his chin. “Amy, no-”

The angel respires a beleaguered sigh as Dean runs through a list of potential names. Cas has been trying to winnow down the reasons why he fled for days. It’s not because he’s a fully-functional powered-up angel of the Lord again and all the supposed sexlessness that formality entails. He’s equipped to satisfy a partner in every way a human can, and divinely more. He’s definitely physically attracted to you, so his vessel becoming aroused isn’t a barrier. He wants to please you any way he can, and he understands it’s clear you want to take the relationship to the next step in pursuit of that pleasure. No matter how much he thinks about it, he can’t quite pinpoint the source of his hesitation.

“April!” Dean hits on the correct name with an enthusiastic note.

Cas glares – April not being an entirely pleasant memory considering she killed him.

“What?” Dean shrugs, expression wholly unapologetic in amusement. “For Chuck’s sake, what’s there to think about? It’s not a freaking apocalypse. No one’s life is in danger. It’s just sex.”

“It’s different.” Cas’ jaw tenses around the words. “With April, it was just sex. With Y/N, it’s … different.” He repeats himself for lack of a better descriptor.

“Different how?” Dean squints, closely examining the angel’s stymied expression. He interprets therein the folds of his brow a light bulb revelation. “Well smack my ass and call me Sally, you’re in love!” Dean exclaims, overly triumphant in the revelation.

Cas’ gaze startles wide, creating a mountain-like crag of creases across the ridge of his forehead, then narrows precipitously into the softer ill-defined flatland of genuine bewilderment. The part about loving you is the least confusing aspect of the statement and he accepts it without qualm – with a passive wave of relief even in response to the exact sort of different he could not explain a mere moment before – the reason for the rest of the hands-on proposition to slap Dean’s derrière whilst referring to him as Sally is beyond angelic comprehension. “Why would I-”

“Shut up.” Dean interjects, holding up a quieting finger, halting the inevitable query of why Dean would require Cas to do any of the aforementioned buttock spanking and name-calling and whether this is the appropriate time or place for such an activity.

You choose that instant to mosey on into the dank cellar scene. Cas and Dean bickering like an old married couple about what you assume to be utter nonsense is nothing new; you’d be worried if they weren’t verbally sparring, static silence on either of their parts rarely bodes well. “Whatcha guys talkin’ ‘bout?” you ask with vague disinterest, surveying the mess for any sign of the totem.

Cas casts Dean a swimmingly deep blue puppy-eyed plea to say nothing.

Dean ignores the appeal. The hunter’s eyes twinkle more than they have right to in the poorly illumined basement; a confident smirk creeps across his face. Bulky biceps tighten the fabric of his grey Henley shirt as he crosses his arms in preparation for the unsolicited relational pot stirring in which he is about to partake. “Sex,” he states, louder than necessary; the sharpness of the single syllable slices the humidly heavy atmosphere; the thick foundation of the walls absorbs any attempted reverberation.

“Nothing,” Cas’ simultaneous utterance muddles Dean’s answer; the decibel of his voice sinks to an Earth-quaking grumble. Blues taking on a chagrinned shade, he shoots his friend a betrayed glower.

Re-crossing his limbs, Dean scowls in recrimination. “Really? You were feeling different about it minute ago. And now … nothing?”

Your mouth gapes into the shape of an unspoken oh. This, this could explain why Cas bolted the other night and hasn’t been able to look you in the eyes since let alone stay in the same room alone with you for more than an awkward minute. You always had your suspicions about their so-called profound bond and standing on the outside looking in it appears you’ve interrupted the discussion of a secretive tryst half of the liaison isn’t ready to openly chat about. “Maybe I should leave you two alone then,” you mutter, failing to disguise the disillusionment lowering your tone.

“You should really stay for this, sweetheart,” Dean reassures, reaching out to catch you by the wrist before you can turn to leave. “It involves you.”

You glance from his gleaming greens to his clutching fingers to Cas’ averted blues and back. You snort a light laugh, one imbed with false lightness of spirit in affront to the crush of disappointment you feel, and swat Dean’s gentle grip loose. You pursue the path of lashing out in lieu of letting either of them see your pain. “Look Dean-o, I don’t care what you think I said when we split that bottle of tequila last summer in Rio and passed out drunk on the balcony, I’m not interested in a cowboy themed threesome with you, or anyone else for that matter.” You direct the last bit at the angel who seems set on stolidly avoiding the interaction in favor of staring at the dusty-beamed ceiling.

Dean’s mouth mutely opens and closes in a vain attempt to formulate a rebuff; his cheeks warm to a freckled tint of pink. He doesn’t remember sharing that particular frolic of a fantasy with you, but also acknowledges with a bob of his head and a swallowed hmm that it sounds like something he could’ve admitted to in uninhibited drunken fervor. Because his best coping skill for embarrassment involves embracing the injurious fact with bombastic confidence, he accepts your personally revealing slight in Dean-branded stride. “First off little lady, you have no idea what you’re missing out on. And secondly,” he begins to recall several small snippets of detail, “it wasn’t tequila, it was RumChata.”

Your eyebrows lift. “That’s your take away from that night?”

“Yes. That, and your apparent fetish for ass-less chaps.”

It’s your fault for daring him to remember to stage his self-defense. “Thanks for the reminder.”

“Happy to oblige.” Dean takes a swaggering stride backward and bows. “I’ll leave you two to talk.” His pointed glare toward Cas effectively wields the departing verb as a strong suggestion and prompts you to recall the angel of your affection has been standing there wordlessly observing the entire exchange.

Conversationally contagious blush accosting your cheeks now, you cede to a compulsion to fill the weighty silence between you and the seraph with a throaty hum that never quite evolves into intelligible speech.

“I’m sorry.” Cas speaks first.

You peer up from studying your shoes, shod toes poking the sole of the foot opposite, to take in his fondly tempered features. The intensity of tenderness conveyed in his steady regard somersaults your stomach and frees a flock of butterflies whose fluttering wings unfold inside out to caress your skin with a pleasant shiver; these three days past you missed this sensation only he causes and which you hope never to grow accustomed to.

Given he failed to comprehend the bulk of the interaction he just witnessed, he steps nearer and clarifies for both your sakes the part for which he is apologetic. “Sorry about leaving so suddenly the other night when there was, uh, an expectation of” –his hands seek refuge in his pockets “-um, intimacy.”

“Oh, Cas” –you dive into the hooks of his arms, wrapping the rigid pillar of his vessel in a hug while keeping a carefully calculated platonic distance of a little over an inch between the press of your bodies “-there’s no expectation. No pressure. I just thought, I mean, you seemed into it so I-”

Fingers circling your shoulders, he dips you backward in order to meet your gaze as he speaks, “I was – am – ‘into it,’ as you say. I’ve thought of little else since that night except for how I might explain my retreat and earn your forgiveness.”

“There’s nothing to forgive.” You assuage his worry, assuming the explanation is forthcoming.

Broad palms smoothing to your spine, he pulls your pliant body close to banish the cushion of non-romantic space you created solely for his benefit and for which he determines there is no obvious benefit. Kissing first the top of your head, he perches his chin upon your lovingly consecrated crown. Exhaling a heated breath into your scalp, his lips move against the silken locks of your hair. “Dean, in his way, helped me understand a feeling I’ve struggled to identify. When it peaked that night – overwhelming, exhilarating, the height of a foreign precipice I could equate only with a sense of uncontrollable falling – I feared the unknown dangers it posed to you.”

“To us,” you correct. “We’re either together in this, or we’re-”

“Us,” he firmly agrees before you can finish; the hint of a smile touches his stoic pout.

Wriggling in his delightfully confining grasp, you wind your arms around his neck; anchoring your wandering fingers into the chestnut curls overlying his nape, you guide his forehead down to rest against yours. You know the feeling well to which he alluded; the terror, too, of a new love.

“Love,” he echoes the sentiment coloring your mind. “Yes, love.”

You shudder in surprise against the perceived incursion upon your thoughts and scold him with a mock-scowl.

Again seeking absolution, he teases you with the feathery brush of a kiss upon the side of your mouth; gratitude wells in his angelic heart when you give chase to his lips in order to seal and solidify your devotion despite his missteps; missteps of which he is certain there will be many yet to come.

Castiel tag list:  (Closed, if you’d like to be removed please let me know!)    @jeepangel  @sammiesamness  @willowing-love  @roxy-davenport  @blueicevalkyrie   @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11  @thesugargalaxy    @bluetina-blog  @dont-trust-humanity  @afanofmanystuffs  @honeybeetrash  @bucky-thorin-winchester  @superwholockz   @tistai  @wordstothewisereaders  @gill-ons  @mrswhozeewhatsis  @marisayouass  @stone-met   @castiel-savvy18  @samualmortgrim  @trexrambling  @magnificent-mantle  @kdfrqqg  @xdifsx  @moon-and-stars-cas  @mandilion76  @rockfairy  @peaceloveancolor  @unicorntrooper  @anisolatedship  @itsilvermorny  @aditimukul  @kudosia  @goofynerd-67babylove  @uninspirationalsonglyrics  @gray-avidan  @mishascupcake   @mishapanicmeow   @praisecastielamen  @roseyhxnt  @jessikared97  @let-the-imaginationflow  @warriorqueen1991   @sebastianstanslefteyebrow   @hisnameisboobear  @kristendanwayne  @fuschiarulerinthebluebox  @coolpencilpie  @jenabean75  @luciathewinchestergirl  @morganas-pendragons  @heyitscam99  @fangirl-and-stuff  @selahbela  @realgreglestrade  @splendidcas  @pointlesscasey  @i-larb-spooderman  @thewhiterabbit42  @thelostverse  @castieliswatchingoverme  @beccollie18  @dragonett8  @dixie-chick  @jtownraindancer   @carowinsthings  @passionghost  @sherlockedtash88  @futureparent  @gabbie7-11  @myfandomlife-blog  @dreamerkim  @shamelesslydean  @earthtokace  @neaeri  @justanormalangel  @lone-loba  @supernaturalymarvel  @lilrubixx  @wings-and-halo  @thehoneybeecastielfollows  @musiclovinchic93  @81mysteriouslyme  @the-bottom-of-the-abyss  @jaylarkson @pixiedusts  @spookysculderfiles  @laqueus-ludovicus  @missjenniferb @lexininja  @jessiekay2010   @skrratata  @rhiannonj79  @calicat79

[thedenimdentist]

Onderhoud Handmade: Order Process, Unboxing & First Impression

Introduction

Hello! My name is Jeff (IG: @thedenimdentist). I am a 30-something year old Bay Area native, who has recently found an interest in heritage menswear. I am writing this in response to several inquiries regarding one of my more recent purchases: the LVL01 derby by Onderhoud (IG: @onderhoud.handmade). Under no circumstance would I consider myself exceptionally knowledgeable in the area of leather or boots. However, I thought it’d be helpful to provide my experience working with Onderhoud, as the brand is still relatively unknown. That being said, please be patient if any of my explanations or descriptions are incorrect, and any feedback would be much appreciated!

Onderhoud: The Brand

Onderhoud Handmade is a boot brand based in Indonesia (Sukagalih, Bandung). The brand is owned by Rizky, who makes all boots and shoes by hand. Rizky does have one other man helping him with fabricating the uppers, but from hand-lasting to edge trim Rizky does on his own. 

Sizing Process

Sizing for boots/shoes is always complicated, especially when your feet are as oddly shaped and painful as mine. First, I have pretty large bunions on the outside of my feet making them very wide. Second, and the balls of my feet are extra bony, which forces me to use full length memory foam insoles in any shoes or boots I wear. 

For someone with as complicated feet as me, being custom measured in person would be ideal. However, as Onderhoud is based in Indonesia, meeting in person was not an option. Thus, I explained all this to Rizky through DMs on Instagram, as well as provided him with these images of my foot measurements (note the bunion on the outside of my foot):

With this information, Rizky recommended I get a size 44E, where he would add a little extra width in my bunion areas. This size would allot space for my full length memory foam insole. For reference, I listed my sizes in other brand boots below (all of which I wear with my full length insoles).

Onderhoud - 44E

Red Wing, Iron Ranger - 9.5EE

Truman Boot Company - 11EE

Viberg (1035 last) - 10.5

(Note: This is a photo of my collection of Trumans and my Iron Rangers, unrelated to my brand sizing information.)

4.5 weeks after my initial deposit, Rizky sent me these photos, including a shot of my custom last:

Rizky did not give me any options in terms of last or toe shape, but from his photos on Instagram I was already happy with the toe shapes of the LVL01 derbies he has made in the past. He also offers a structured, more bulbous toe shape, which he typically uses on more rugged boots.

Leather Options

The default leather options are combination tanned pull up leathers sourced from an unnamed Indonesian tannery. These leathers are the most affordable, with boots/shoes usually priced in the $200-300 range. However, I chose to upgrade to an Italian vegtan leather (Badalassi Carlo Minerva in cognac). While it does come with an upgrade fee, I believe it is well worth it. For instance, upgrading these derbies from a default Indonesian leather to the Badalassi leather bumped the cost up from $260 to $400 ($420 after shipping/processing fees).

I am unsure as to all the options Rizky has to offer, as he is still trying to add to his premium leather options. I do know that he has offered vegtan cowhide leathers from the Italian Badalassi Carlo tannery, as well as some vegtan horserump leathers from the Italian Maryam tannery. If you’re interested in upgrading, just ask Rizky via Instagram DM for all his current options.

Customization

The specifications for my build are listed below:

MTO LVL01 low cut derby boot

Size 44E Badalassi Carlo Minerva cognac leather Gusseted tongue Unstructured toe 270 degree Veldtschoen construction 360 degree hand welt Matching welt leather Natural upper stitching White welt stitching Single leather midsole Natural edge finish Brown cork supergrip half sole and Cuban/curved heels

Rizky offers so many ways to customize your boots. Some notable ones I’ve listed below:

Structured vs. unstructured toe

Veldtschoen construction (double row stitchdown), flat goodyear welt, storm welt (all of which can be 270 or 360 degrees)

Single vs. double leather midsoles

Vertical vs. Cuban/curved heels

Other than the fee to upgrade the leather, there were no other fees for any of the customizations I requested.

Payment and Waiting Period

The cost of these derbies was $400 with a $20 Paypal fee, totalling $420. Rizky asks for a 50% deposit, with the remaining 50% due upon completion.

I placed my $210 deposit on 10/25/2019. Rizky quoted that my derbies would be completed in 6-8 weeks (which is relatively quick for MTO boots). What really made the wait easier (even possibly enjoyable) are the update photos Rizky would send throughout the production of my shoes. Here are just a few (not all):

My derbies were completed on 12/20/2019, which is exactly 8 weeks from deposit to completion. I quickly paid the remaining $210 and Rizky shipped out the boots the following Monday 12/23/2019. They arrived here in California on 01/02/2020 (10 days later).

Note: I believe that Onderhoud sales have increased since I placed this order, as Rizky has gained some attention on Instagram. Wait times had jumped up to 8-12 weeks last I had checked (which, again, is still very reasonable), but make sure to ask before placing your order. For perspective, I placed a deposit on some Role Clubs back on 10/15/2019 that aren’t due to be finished until November 2020 (13 months), and the White Klouds I ordered on 12/07/2019 aren’t due until Summer 2021 (18 months).

Packaging

The package arrived pretty squished. However, Rizky did what he could to limit the damage, as the box was fully covered in bubble wrapping, and each shoe came in its own individual shoe bag.

The shoes came laced with round cord waxed laces. The box also included two additional pairs of laces: a second pair of round cord waxed laces, and a pair of leather laces. 

Fit/Comfort

As Jake (IG: @almostvintagestyle) often points out, fit and comfort is quite subjective. However, the fact that Onderhoud boots are made-to-measure does make fit and comfort a factor, as it speaks to the ability of the bootmaker to create a comfortable and well-fitting boot with given parameters. 

While these Onderhouds haven’t gotten much wear yet, I can say for a fact that these are now the most comfortable pair of boots/shoes I own, hands down (granted, they’re also my first pair made-to-measure). As I stated earlier, my bunions are always where I feel the most rubbing/pressure in boots that are too narrow, resulting in extreme pain and discomfort with wear. However, the alterations Rizky made to the E last made the forefront of these derbies fit very comfortably, removing all rubbing/pressure on my bunions without making my foot feel like it is swimming in the toe box. 

The derbies are fully lined and come with full length sock liners atop the leather insoles. These both add a little extra cushion and comfort during wear, which I appreciate.

I was a little hesitant with the sizing because of the difficulties I’ve had in the past, but Rizky did an AMAZING job with the information I provided him. (I have actually already placed an order for a second pair of Onderhoud boots using the same size/last). 

Leather - Badalassi Carlo Minerva, Cognac

This is my first experience with any Badalassi Carlo leather. This Italian vegtan cowhide has a very rich, warm, orange-y brown tone with a very mild sheen. There was one blemish in the leather upon arrival: a few scratches to the right toe.

Rizky noticed these scratches in some of the photos I posted on Instagram, and asked me about them before I had even had a chance to say anything. He says the scratches in the leather were not there when he shipped them, and proposed they may have occurred during transit. (Although, I’m not sure how that would’ve happened, as each shoe was protected in its own individual shoe bag.) Regardless, the scratch is fairly minor and shallow, and will most likely become even less noticeable once the rest of the leather breaks in and begins to patina.

Finishing

The attention to detail when it comes to the upper stitching is superb. After full inspection, I couldn’t find a single loose thread or stitch out of place. See the photos for yourself.

One aspect of the stitching that I’d like to showcase is the double row of stitches of the 270 degree Veldtschoen construction. I love how uniform each stitch is, and how each one is slightly angled. I admit, I’m no expert in stitchdown construction, but I just really love the aesthetics of it. (Rizky also offers other forms of welting, including flat goodyear welt and storm welt.)

Being fully transparent, while the double welt stitching is impeccable, there are a few wonky channel stitches on the underside of the right boot. This issue is purely cosmetic (if even, as it’s on the bottom of the sole and not visible during wear) and likely has no affect on its function or durability.

One other little thing I feel obligated to point out is that there are a few markings left behind from constructing the upper. These marks are barely noticeable and can most likely be removed with a quick rub down. I have no gripes with them, but just something I thought I’d point out with regards to finishing and presentation.

Midsole and Sole

With these derbies, I went with a single leather midsole, brown cork Dr. Sole Supergrip half soles/heels, with a Cuban/curved heel and natural edge finish. It should be noted that this style of heel is actually called a woodsman heel, as a Cuban heel actually doesn’t curve as it angles from welt to sole. That being said, I really love Rizky’s take on the curved heel, with the strong inward angle toward the top welt becoming almost vertical toward the sole. It’s shape is really unique and adds some subtle yet strong character to the derby’s silhouette.

This is my first experience with the brown cork Dr. Sole half soles and heels, but aesthetically I believe they blend well the warm brown tones of the upper and midsole leathers. Rizky also has other sole options, including black Dr. Sole and Vibram full and half soles. 

The finish on the sole has a slight, soft gloss--nothing like the high shine finish that Goto-San of White Kloud (IG: @show_goto) produces, but a beautiful even finish nonetheless. There is a slight rough lip at the edge of one of the heel caps, but this will disappear as the soles wear in, so no big deal. 

Conclusion

Overall, I am more than ecstatic with out these Onderhoud LVL01 derbies turned out. From our chats on Instagram, Rizky sounds like a stand up guy running an honest business, producing quality handmade boots. His English skills are pretty good, and is willing to listen to your requests, answer all of your (annoying) questions, and work with you in order to build the exact boot you want. 

Again, I admit that my experience with handmade, quality boots is still fairly limited, as all I have to compare against are my Red Wings, Trumans, and Viberg boots. Thus, if you’re still skeptical of my limited boot knowledge, I tried to provided a bajillion photos of these derbies from all angles, so you can draw your own conclusions on the quality of Rizky’s work. 

If you have any other questions or comments, feel free to contact me via Instagram @thedenimdentist. Or better yet, ask Rizky himself @onderhoud.handmade. haha

Thanks! And goodnight. 

[fanaticfandomfan]

Tags- Chapter One (A Bucky Barnes x OC Fanfic)

Masterlist

Disclaimer. I do not own anything Marvel affiliated, only any original characters.

A muffled giggle was the first thing Tony heard as he pushed open the door to his study. His lips curled up into a smile, spying a pair of light up shoes just peeking out from beneath the large mahogany desk. He whistled, moving leisurely through the room, looking every now and again at the desk to his left. Hopping up and taking a seat on the desk, he heard another hushed laugh beneath where he sat.

"J.A.R.V.I.S. your certain you cannot find Abby anywhere?" He called out to the empty room, trying to keep the mirth out of his voice.

"I'm afraid I cannot find Miss Stark on the grounds sir." The A.I. replied, amusement filtering through his program. "Shall I make a call to the police?"

"The Police! J.A.R.V.I.S this is my baby girl, my pride and joy! We need to call the SWAT Team, the Coast Guard, the Ma-" before Tony could finish, loud laughter filled the room as a head of auburn curls popped up from behind the desk.

"It's OK daddy, I'm here." The little girl exclaimed. Tony pressed his hand to his chest exaggeratedly as he moved from the desk, scooping her up in his arms before pressing kisses to her face.

"Oh my little sprout I found you!" He exclaimed dramatically. When he looked down into an almost identical face, he saw the suspicion swirling in her brown eyes, a thin eyebrow raising up slightly.

"You knew I was here huh?" Yep, she was his daughter he thought, taking a seat in the chair with her in his lap.

"First rule of hiding, loose the light up sneakers kiddo." He said, gently tapping the tip of her nose. "Now miss snoop, what were you doing in my office?" Tony watched as his daughter's eyes looked around, not meeting his.

"I wasn't snooping, I was exploring." she replied confidently, only to be met with a snort from her father.

"Bullsh- soup." Tony quickly caught himself before the curse slipped from his lips. He didn't need a repeat of when his two year old went two months constantly yelling the word 'fuck' every time she could.

Glinting light caught his eyes, his hand moving to pull at a chain hanging around her neck, the majority of the item hiding behind her dark red coveralls. When he pulled the item fully into view, he found a pair of dog tags pressed to his palm. A pair of very old dog tags by the look of slightly at the chain, Abby played with the tags, her eyes scouring over the faded letters and numbers etched onto the metal.

"I found them in that box daddy. There really cool. Can I keep them?" Pointing a finger to the direction, Tony's eyes followed, falling on an old cardboard box tucked away in the corner. It had come from one of the many secure storage facilities under his father's name. The last few weeks Tony had decided to go through them, throwing things that were not needed and keeping those that could be useful. The box in his office had been filled with nothing but old photos and a few odds and ends that Tony had not even gotten through. Taking the tags of the chain, he brought them up to have a closer look.

JAMES B. BARNES 

32557038 T42 43 A

"Whose James Barnes daddy?"Abby questioned, her brown eyes looking up quizzically at her father.

"Well he was someone your grandfather knew when he was helping the military. He fought with Captain America." At the name, Abby's eyes widened, her smile growing.

"Really! That's so cool! Oh daddy can I keep them please, please, please?" Tony knew she had him cornered, especially when he noticed the puppy dog look creeping into her eyes. He shrugged, quickly ruffling her hair. It wasn't a huge loss to him, just some old dog tags.

"Sure sprout. Now if we are done ransacking daddy's office I believe a Popsicle is in order." Abby squealed as she suddenly found herself hanging upside down, Tony's grip on her waist secure as he carried her from the room, the tags, clinking around her neck.

Washington D.C. February 2014

Glancing down at her watch for what felt like the millionth time, Abby huffed as her heeled feet tapped a rhythm into the floor. It was nearing 10 am, only an hour before the exhibit would be opening to the public. She could faintly make out the sounds of the press and crowds gathered outside the Smithsonian, waiting to finally see one of the most anticipated exhibits to be featured to date. Workers milled about, finishing up last minute touches before the grand opening, making sure everything was ready to go.

Abby's eyes wandered from her watch and towards the large mural decorating the entrance, a smile tugging at her lips as she took in the face of Captain America. The exhibit had been her pet project, starting out a year ago while she had been taking the reins of the outreach program of STARK Industries.

Growing up, she had loved the history of her grandfather and the rise of S.H.I.E.L.D., particularly in regards to the creation of Captain America. She had remembered going through files that had been kept by her grandfather, files deemed classified to anyone else without the Stark last name. She had loved when her history class spoke on the subject, enthralled with every detail of Captain Rogers and the Howling Commandos as they worked to eliminate Hydra.

Her fingers moved, absentmindedly toying with the chain around her neck, the tags clinking together as they bumped against each other. The dog tags belonging to one James Buchanan Barnes had hung around her neck since the day she had stumbled across them in her dads study. At the time, the name had not really meant anything to her until she started learning about the super soldier and his team. While Captain America was always the sole focus during lessons, for some unknown reason Abby was always drawn to his best friend. He had no super soldier serum nor super strength, just the fierce determination to do good for his country, to stand with his best friend and team, to lay down his life for what he believed was right.

The fact that he had also been an extremely handsome man, a crooked smile gracing her history textbooks, didn't hurt either.

"I'm here, I'm here!" Quickly turning around, she let out a relieved sigh as she made her way over to the employee entrance.

"Cutting it pretty close there Rogers. You know you could just hang around for the grand opening, you know razzle dazzle the press. Technically this is your exhibit." Abby pointed out getting an amused snort from Steve.

"Think my dancing monkey days are over Abby." He quipped, his eyes moving over to the entrance. She knew how weird this still was to him, having a whole wing of the Smithsonian dedicated to him and his accolades.

Trying to lighten the mood, she nudged his shoulder playfully before making her way towards the doors. "Well come on frosty, you got a good hour before this place is flooded with fans and press." Steve fell in step with the youngest Stark, heading for the doors.

Time seemed to slow as the two friends wandered around the area, moving from one artifact to another. Abby hung back slightly, watching as Steve took in every display, watching the emotions play across his face. She laughed a bit along with him as she had stood next to the changing display of him pre-serum ( "Wow capsicle you were smaller than me!"), she listened as he recounted stories of him and Howling Commandos, his eyes locked on the mannequins displaying the uniforms each of them had worn. She had watched as he fought back tears when they watched the film reels of Peggy Carter, recounting her own stories of the war and Steve. Abby had moved her hand, taking his and giving it a squeeze.

She had noticed the shift as soon as his eyes found it. Steve walked slowly, almost afraid to approach the display. She watched as a myriad of emotions played across his face: confusion, realization, sorrow, pain. They both stood silent, staring at the face of one James Buchanan Barnes. They could hear one of the many voice recordings, giving the same information etched onto the glass before them but neither really paid any attention.

"Do you miss him?" She knew it was a stupid question, one she already knew the answer to.

"It's been nearly 70 years but for me...it feels like it just happened you know." Steve said quietly, never taking his eyes off the memorial for the man who had been his brother.

Abby moved her hand, pulling the dangling chain from underneath her blouse, pulling it over her head as she turned to Steve. "When I was a kid I was looking, or as my dad called it snooping through his office and found these tucked into an old box of my grandfathers."

Tentatively Steve reached for the chain, recognizing the tags instantly for what they were. She saw the ghost of a smile touch his lips as he looked over the worn letters. "These were Bucks old tags. Had them when he first shipped out. When the SSR gave him news ones with the rest of the Howling Commandos, he kept these, said they helped him hold onto himself when Hydra captured him."

"At the time I just thought they were cool to wear and all. By the time we got to learn about you all in school," shrugging her shoulders she continued, "I admired all of you of course but something about Bucky just resonated with me. He didn't have any real superpowers like you. He was just someone who wanted to do right by his country and stood with his best friend." Chewing her lower lip the next words were a little harder to force out. "Um you should keep them I mean Bucky was your best friend and all."

Steve looked from the tags to Abby, his lips twitching up in a small smile before placing the chain back around her neck. "Keep them safe for me. I think he would have rather have a pretty dame wearing them than me keeping a hold of them." Abby smiled, her hand slightly clutching the tags, relief washing through her.

"Thanks Stevie." Wanting to lighten up the somber mood she grabbed his hand, nearly dragging him across the exhibit. "All right time to see those old war bond promos you made."

The only answer she received back was a groan.

[elcorhamletlive]

MCU Rewatch: The First Avenger

“this one has waited long enough” IT SURE FUCKING HAS

I like Red Skull’s introduction. I especially like the hints we get of his transformation (”you will burn”, “I already have” and the moment where he touches his cheek) and the two close-up shots we get of Hydra’s symbol, both spotless and then, after the scene, with blood splattered all over it. It’s not SUBTLE, but I like it.

THE SHOT OF THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE. I LOVE.

“Kind makes you think twice about enlisting, huh?” “Nope” I gotta say, I used to think this scene was the first guy teasing Steve, but rewatching I think he’s just making conversation and Steve is just full set on DETERMINATION MODE so his response is a little too blunt. lol I love it.

nnngg I love Evans’ facial expressions when he approaches the doctor??? The matter-of-factly way he explains both of his parents’ death (because he’s done this exact process many times before)??? I LOVE IT.

“Every able-bodied young man is serving his country” Look. Far be it from me to claim this movie has some groundbreaking message about disabilities or whatever, but it does such a good job on stablishing Steve’s motivations. There’s a reason Steve longs to prove himself that’s so clear on this one line alone.

jahodiawjojaojowjdioj look I know we aren’t even ten minutes in and I already can’t shut up but!!!!!!!! My rant about how “angry chihuahua Steve” is the worst characterization wasn’t even entirely COMPLETE because at the movies scene, Steve downright tries to calmly ask the dude to stop at first???? His expression is wary and he’s like “hey, can you show some respect” and only when the guy keeps going that he evolves to “hey, can you shut up”. STEVE IS A REASONABLE PERSON WHO DOESN’T GO AROUND PICKING FIGHTS FOR NO REASON, THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK.

“We’ll face any threat no matter the size” just as the dude stands up and faces down lil Steve. I LOVE.

Aside from the GARBAGE CAN AS A SHIELD MY HEART GROWS THREE SIZES EVERY TIME I SEE IT (STEVE FIRST INSTINCT IS ALWAYS TO DEFEND FIRST IT TAKES A RIDICULOUSLY LONG TIME IN THE FIGHT FOR HIM TO EVEN THROW A PUNCH), he takes three punches straight on the face, all of which knock him to the ground, standing up each time. I kind of live bc it would have been easy to just cut to Steve already beated up and the dude going “you don’t know when to give up huh”, but they make a point of showing him standing up. This movie has such a good attention to detail.

Bucky tells Steve he got his orders and Steve’s sole response is to listen and then go “I should be going”. Steve kind of went through a bunch of emotional - and literal - blows in sequence, but his first reaction is not to emotionally rely on his best friend but to retreat and be by himself. Bucky sees through it and pushes him to not do that, thankfully, but it’s still an interesting characterization thing.

I’m in love with the way Steve takes a breath and straightens his bangs when they meet the girls. HE’S SO NERVOUS and he already knows how this is going to go.

TAKE HIS GODDMAN PEANUTS DEAR GOD LADY, YOU DON’T HAVE TO MARRY HIM JUST DON’T BE RUDE!!!!

Dominic Cooper as young Howard is just perfect casting. He’s a delight to watch and he and Rdj look alike enough to see a family resemblance.

There’s a lot I can talk about Steve and Bucky’s argument at the fair, but I think it all boils down to the fact that I think both reasons they mention for Steve to insist on getting enlisted are true. Steve has something to prove, he wants to prove he’s not useless, and he also feels that, if someone is putting their lives on the line, he should also be out there doing the same. Both things can be points of influence, they don’t necessarily contradict each other.

Steve doesn’t have any delusions about war, though. Both of his parents died because of it. He doesn’t show any joy for Bucky when he’s recruited. At this point I do think he has respect for the army as an institution, but he knows war isn’t pretty.

Steve hurrying to put his shoes back on when he thinks he’s about to be arrested, lol. Pretty sure he would have tried to run away if the guard and Eskrine hadn’t shown up immediately.

One thing I like about this movie is that, although it doesn’t really challenge the idea of american patriotism significantly, it works around all the potentially unsavory aspects of a character like Steve with small details, such as giving Steve a non-american love interest and a non-american mentor, making a point to acknowledge their struggles as such (”Queen Victoria”), and also making a point to show how Steve himself doesn’t partake in this xenophobia. It’s one of the reasons this movie works.

That’s all to say I love Steve laughing when Peggy punches Hodge. He’s the only soldier who laughs. I love.

What does one pack to go prepare for war?? BOOKS, obviously. So many books. He’s a geek and I LOVE HIM.

The FLAG SCENE. How the sergeant guy doesn’t even expects him to DO anything and immediately tells him to fall back in line. His little “Thank you, sir” before he climbs the car!!!! This movie is just TOO FUCKING MUCH.

I teared up in the grenade scene. I feel like this is all you need to know about me as a person. The way he doesn’t hesitate, how he was willing to die right there in the middle of a training exercise gone wrong. How Peggy also rushes forward to do the same. The way his body curls over the grenade. This is my favorite scene in the entire MCU.

“He’s still skinny” nishuhseifh LOOK Phillips is a good and deserves more love, his perspective makes total sense and I enjoy all his moments in the film.

Also, when Phillips is defending the idea of picking Hodge to Eskrine, one of the things he says is “He follows orders, he’s a soldier”, which perfectly sets up the “not a perfect soldier, but a good man” theme that Eskrine will spell out in the next scene.

“Can I ask you a question?” “Just one?” LISTEN!! Eskrine thinks Steve must have a thousand questions about the nature of the procedure, but Steve DOESN’T because he doesn’t CARE he will do whatever it takes, the only thing he wants to know is why him because that is the only thing he can’t bring himself to understand.

“So many people forget the first country the nazis invaded was their own” Like I said, this humanity that is granted towards non-american characters is a crucial piece of why this movie succeeds, and this line is iconic and actually a pretty important piece of perspective in a WWII movie.

I love the scene of Steve and Peggy in the back of the car so much, it’s my favorite Steggy scene. Steve is just so clueless, starting his first conversation ever with a woman with “HEY LOOK AT ALL THESE PLACES WHERE I GOT MY ASS KICKED”, and I really like the parallel that is stablished between them when Peggy mentions every door shut in her face, and how Steve doesn’t really get Peggy’s motivations but he respects it, even if he fumbles through when he talks about it. 

I just love how sincere the whole thing is. “The right partner”, he says, not even looking at Peggy, not using it as a line to flirt with her. He’s just earnestly and openly saying that he’s a) terrible with romance and b) a huge romantic all the same. I LOVE.

He’s terrified in the serum scene, but he still cracks a joke when Eskrine asks him. Also, Eskrine landing a hand on his shoulder to steady him is so sweet. And then the procedure in itself is so painful and Eskrine and Peggy are ready to stop it but he yells he can do it. I’m just narrating the movie at this point but I love it. I love everything.

The first shot of Steve post-serum is so hilariously pornographic, I still can’t believe it.

Peggy is actually the first one to pursuit the Hydra spy. Steve’s first focus is just on Eskrine. Strong characterization is all over this movie and it’s so good.

PEGGY SHOOTING THE DRIVER IN THE HEAD FROM SUCH A LONG DISTANCE IS SUCH A BADASS MOMENT.

Also she shouts “I had him!” when Steve saves her! This movie does so much to stablish she and Steve are really alike, I appreciate it so much.

I’m gonna refrain from objectifying Chris too much because god knows this is getting too long without this constant point, but the tits are out of control on the car chase scene. God bless.

And I love how he has no sense of balance or control of his speed. Crashing into a store and then apologizing as he runs away. lol

He’s so emotionally distraught over Eskrine’s death. And the Phillips delivers such a huge blow with his “You are not enough” line. This is SUCH a theme with Steve through his mcu narrative, and it calls back to his feelings of helplessness pre-serum. It always hurts me to hear it.

I LOVE THE STAR-SPANGLED MAN SONG SO MUCH. It’s such a fun sequence and it makes sense and it’s such a clever choice to have that in the movie. Like, instead of hiding how incredibly cheesy a character like “Captain America” can be, let’s just play it up to deliberately ridiculous levels giving a nod to war propaganda! It’s SO GOOD.

And there’s so many moments in this sequence, too. Steve with his perfect post-serum memory still having to read cue cards. His awkwardness holding the baby and his relief when he hands it back to the mom. The Hitler punching, the comic books!! This movie really hits a wonderful balance of honoring the essence of Steve’s original character while also presenting him in a way that makes him relatable and likeable to non-american audiences.

I love that Steve doesn’t even get mad at the soldiers mocking him. They tell him to get the girls back and he’s honestly just like “uuuh I think they only know one song, but I’ll see what I can do”. And then the soldiers call him a fairy (”Tinkerbell”) and throw fruits at him and he’s just upset, but not mad. He gets where they’re coming from and he kind of agrees, as we see later by the dancing monkey draw. Steve was never comfortable on stage.

“You two will be in a lot of trouble when we land” HE’S WORRIED ABOUT PEGGY AND HOWARD BEFORE DROPPING ALONE INSIDE ENEMY LINES HA... HA.... HA.............. MY HEART IS BLEEDING I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

The little smile Bucky gets when Steve says it’s him is the cutest stucky moment. 40s stucky is the best stucky. 

“did it hurt?” “A little” lol okay Steve

Flustered Steve is adorable. And Howard explaning to him what fondue is. lol

That being said I don’t like the scene where Peggy shoots the shield. Maybe my least favorite moment in the movie.

Okay, ideally, the Howling Commandos would have gotten a little more screentime and development, but I still feel like their sequences work. 

“Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone in Coney Island?” This line is hilarious to me because I went to Coney Island last year and rode the Cyclone and there’s literally a poster specifically warning people with heart issues or who are easily sick NOT to ride. Bucky, what were you thinking. lol

I love the motorcycle so much, and I love that it becomes a Steve thing.

“We can’t just knock on the front door” “Why not?” :D

I feel like Steve moves in to kiss Peggy after she rescues him, and then she kind of reminds him of the battle. lol It’s cute.

I had never noticed Red Skull disappears going upwards into space. It’s incredible to think IW took such a small piece of open narrative and paid it off.

Fandom is full of hot takes about Steve’s sacrifice and each one is more terrible than the other, but I’m not gonna waste time salting here, I just want to say it’s a beautiful and moving scene and I love that he stays talking to Peggy until the very end.

Peggy looking at the picture of pre-serum Steve and the theme playing in the background!!!!!! I’M EMOTIONAL.

I feel like SHIELD was onto something trying to break everything slowly to Steve. But I love that he finds out, and I love the headcanon that Fury meant to test him and see if he’d found out even more.

I’ve seen the alternate ending where Fury talks to Steve more and reassures him they need him and etc, and I get why from an emotional standpoint you’d want Steve to get that reassurance, but narratively I feel like the emotional punch of “I had a date” is pretty much perfect and the alternate ending would have taken away from it. It’s such a great ending.

Welp, here we are. I love this movie. I love love love it. It’s a movie I’ve rewatched before a couple times, but I still got so emotional rewatching it today. There’s so much attention to detail, strenght in characterization, and space for characters to feel and develop. It’s amazing that we spend pretty much the entire first act with smol Steve. I love it with all my heart.

[thefoxesboxes]

A Gathering of Guys

Time to get back into the saddle on these reviews! This one has been a long time coming, something I honestly meant to review many months ago. But, between teaching English and travelling around the world, this writing fox has had a significant decrease in available brainpower. Did watching this movie for a second time help? Will it have passed the vulpine standards check? Look under the cut to find out as we discuss the “First R-Rated CGI Cartoon”, Sausage Party.

To begin, I will preface two things. First, I love animation. The creativity and freedom that can be made from almost any kind of animated movie has always been an easy way to make me happy. Look at movies like Zootopia, Spirited Away, and even Aladdin. These movies are each dramatically different in tone, style, and overall thematics. But they’re all some of my favorite movies. Even if I think CGI is overdone in the modern animation market, it still doesn’t detract from my love of watching something creative and fresh.

I also don’t mind movies that are using raunchy or vulgar humor. A movie like Deadpool can make me laugh pretty hard at the stupid jokes and over the top violence that it employs. A movie like this should use the language and themes to push the style of the movie. Is it a violent story with a murderous mercenary hell bent on revenge? Yeah, dark and violent, but add in the fun. These things can break up the movie into a more manageable tone than most people would like. Look at the difference in things like DC and Marvel, or new Ghostbusters and old Ghostbusters. That’s a coming review, by the way.

So the big point is that this movie is awful. It’s a raunchy and joke filled movie, but it’s never creative. It’s like someone took the movie FoodFight and pushed up the production quality and age rating. The movie is graphic, violent, and full of warnings for mature content and imagery. The whole movie tries very, very hard to make sure you know that this is mature and grown up.

Maturity, in this sense, means something that says the word ‘fuck’ approximately 1.85 times a minute, often in heavy bursts. Maturity is something that makes incredibly sophomoric and heavy handed assertions about the nature of religion and real life interactions between thousand year old cultures. Mature is when you have the movies plotline come to a screeching halt to constantly point out how edgy you are over and over again. Mature, in this sense, is being a 15 year old on Reddit screaming about how you took the red pill and don’t believe in things like religion, man.

There is nothing really mature here. At all.

“Just the tips” What the fuck is a tip? Your finger? Why does a hotdog have a glove but the lady doesn’t? Save it. It’ll keep.

But let’s talk detail. First, the movie has a song. It’s not a bad song, at least for how it’s written and sung. It’s really mostly just kind of tuneless and shifts a lot into ways that obviously want to invoke religious worship songs, but doesn’t do that very well. The song does a great job of setting the tone of this movie, which is “Religious people are dumb, ya here?”. It’s not really something I want to get into, but it slides nicely into the hotdog bun of hatred I have for this movie.

The writing.

As mentioned, the writing is self-congratulatory about the idea of being R-rated when it doesn’t know what that should mean. It decided to go out of its way to be a cartoon about hotdogs and sex before seemingly having any direction, as the world itself and characters are all over the place. Do they make any particular point using food that couldn’t be done with a different material? Nope. Do they make timely or classical references throughout the movie? Well, Meatloaf plays a singing Meatloaf. They make a “To Sir with Love” reference, which intrudes on one of my absolutely favorite films ever. Saving Private Ryan? Not exactly timeless.

But the writing reflects worst on characters and dialogue. While the voice acting is, mostly, fine it’s really just the characters are a bunch of assholes. Remember that scene in Star Wars where Han Solo doesn’t believe in the Force and Luke lectures him despite having learned about it that afternoon? That happens about atheism. Our beef tube hero who’s name I really don’t care to remember (it’s Frank) learns that the Gods are evil people who eat them! Oh no! So he immediately starts bashing everyone for believing in the Gods that he believed in until literally an hour ago. He makes no good points, he seems ridiculously hypocritical, and he’s just kind of a douche.

A running theme in this movie, the main villain is a literal douche. A douche who gets a tear and loses his douchey fluids, so he needs to replenish them to restore his superpowers. This begins with him forcefully and graphically violating a damaged juice container in a way obviously reminiscent of forceful oral sex. This scene was the first one that was simply disgusting, including him commenting that he’s “Juicin’ up” to reference steroids. A rape scene, classy as hell. This only continues as this literal douche walks about to murder the main heroes will constantly repeating the same joke over and over again. His plans involved him being able to teleport, his reason for revenge was almost understandable, but being a rapist murderer really made me not care about this villain.

Also. This joke. Five fucking times.

Other than the Frankfurter Hero and Douchey Villain, we have side characters. Jewish Bagel, Mexican Lesbian Taco, overly voluptuous hotdog bun, Muslim/Middle Eastern lavash, gay Twinkee, black grits, and Firewater. These stereotypes are the closest thing to characters that exist in this film and they mostly exist pretty much solely within those roles. They exist to either be stereotypes, be annoying, or try to poke mature points at the concept of geographically interconnected regions and classically dependent cultures having feuds with each other. But let’s talk about that in terms of the world.

These foods exist for, what, a week? They exist in the same aisles, for the same goals, and often have to interact with each other for their entire existence. Their existences, mind you, which are created for explicit purpose. Why do they have different viewpoints of the Gods, to the point where it is this disseminated? Is it to make a point about the rapid distribution of altering ideals among short lived humanity? I don’t know, it just seems to be extremely crass ways to point out that these things exist and are stupid. Again a running theme.

The last major theme I want to mention is consistency. A world needs to be made in a way that follows an internal logic. Yes, magic should be explained, a world should be detailed, and even comedy should follow some form and function. If there is no law dictated within the world, then there’s no reason for me to really pay attention to what you’re doing. It’s all just whitenoise for the pretense of having jokes.

This movie fails worldbuilding with a capital F and a giant minus. The food is alive, so are douches and some other inanimate objects! But things like shoes and ladles are not, why? Why isn’t the knife alive? When we open up a thing of off brand Mentos, each of those little mints is alive. Is this things ass full of living organisms that will proceed to exist in total isolation until released?  If I make a sandwich, is it a composite of painfully attached different creatures to each other? They did show that composite foods exist as a single entity, so does that mean that pushing cheese and wheat germ together creates a new living entity? The entire idea doesn’t make sense when you show that some things would require the painful things to exist. Pizza, sandwiches, all of it. How does it work? The movie doesn’t tell you.

This line here indicates that the peanut butter, married to jelly, is only alive as it is the container. But why isn’t the bag the hotdogs were in alive, or the box? There’s no sense to be had in this madness. Just extremely dry hotdogs.

Not that the external world is any better. Remember in Toy Story where the toys could move and had to very specifically hide that fact? Yeah, this movie says fuck it. Some of the foods move and we see people view it as a hot dog rolling around. But then the hot dog gets up, dodges, ducks, dips, dives, and dodges. They even stab a hot dog standing up in the middle of the air, or they can run across the street. Do people see them or not? It’s pointed out that they need to be literally high on bath salts to see the  food moving, but then can the food interact with the world when not on bath salts? How come the food never moves and people don’t notice it? Why do I even watch anything attached to Seth Rogan? Why did you ruin my night, Seth?

This isn’t even getting into the ending. The movie ended two separate times at the end, once when the orgy of murder happened, and once when the orgy that murdered the movie happened. There’s a full orgy, it takes actually 5 minutes to get through. Does it add to the plot? Nope. Does it push anything? Nah, it’s also the scaled down version from the honestly horrifying original script Seth Rogan spent years drafting up. Fuck him so much.

There’s also a murder orgy where the food kills everyone. Apparently we can’t beat hotdogs. Who knew? A guy gets turned into a testicle puppet by the douche, carries a giant revolver that apparently has 8 bullets in it. They make Terminator and Wizard of Oz references. A merry time was had by apparently a lot of people that aren’t me.

Also, the food smoke weed that is… Apparently not alive? Why is the marijuana not alive? Fuck it. Probably some stupid point.

The main point is this. The movie contains many flaws and

Fuck this movie. Fuck you Seth Rogan for your grinning assholery. Fuck the critics who think this movie is an insightful and raunchy godsend so they can openly enjoy cartoons. Fuck the idea that this movie grossed tons of money and will probably get some kinda sequel or spinoff. Fuck the media that believes that maturity is the juvenile banter of an idiot who cannot stop dragging his political diatribes into a different subject. And fuck this movie for killing any chance Kubo and the Two Strings had of being a financial success.

Summary? This movie is crass, brash, vulgar and tasteless. It’s also somehow not brave enough to say anything that has any real merit or in a way that’s unique. It’s a movie obsessed with its own egotistical idea of being the ‘first’ but has no idea of how to make that something worth seeing. This movie is just a waste of time. It’s a mix of immature and well past it’s expiration date.

[fiercyy]

Till Death: Chapter 3

Co-authored by @holyfuckabear

Summary: A canon rewrite fic. Seventeen-year-old Ichigo Kurosaki has become a superhero overnight. This entails a lot more oversight than he was lead to believe there would be. Is this his life now? Being stalked by some tiny woman, hell-bent on bossing him around? (For the record: yes.) 

He was five years old when his mother moved the family to Karakura, so he has very few memories of the time before. 

His life changed swiftly. His new preschool was, in a word, monochromatic. There were at least a couple other mixed kids at the other one, but he was the only one here. His mom was happier, that was good. Yuzu wasn’t sick as often, Mom said that being out of the city smog helped. One day he suddenly had a father.

Or maybe that’s just the blur of young memories.

.

. 

It’s been a really long week. He hasn’t been sleeping much, what with his new Soul Reaper duties. Weirdly, Mizuiro’s been getting on his nerves, but he has no idea why. And he’s not really getting this section in Maths, so he’s going to have to do some extra legwork to figure it out. Plus Tatsuki’s been going through something so it’s not like he can ask her, like he usually would.

Also, he lives with a raging maniac. 

Well… another raging maniac, but this one lives in his closet, not down the hall, so it’s twice as annoying and he gets zero respite.

It’s only Wednesday and he feels like he’s counting down the seconds until the weekend. All he wants is some quiet time to himself. He wants to sleep, finish his homework and maybe read something for fun instead of class for a change.

Ichigo’s already reached his threshold for social interactions and he has two days to go. 

He’s not going to survive this week.

.

.

One moment she’s sweetly feigning interest in Keigo’s prattle, the next she’s shouting for Ichigo to pull himself together after having his arm nearly ripped from its socket.

Such is the duality of Rukia. 

The former freaks him out more than the latter.

Ichigo gets used to her. Rukia’s around all the time, she is inconveniently, loudly present. She doesn’t have to say anything. Her existence is loud. He was studying on his bed instead of his desk the other day. She appropriated his desk chair, wheeled it close to the bed and used his spine as a footrest as she blew through his collection of manga. When he complained, she actually shushed him. “I’m at a really good part and you’re distracting!”

“...!”

He’s used to the real her; the pushy, stubborn drill sergeant. He acts on her say-so. It’s the sparkly, girly princess that freaks him out. He has no idea what to do with that. Every day it’s like stepping into the twilight zone and how has nobody noticed how fake it all sounds? He’s the only guy who’s made it out of Plato’s cave. He wants to physically shake his classmates and shout “Don’t you realize it’s all just bullshit shadows on the wall?!”

He doesn’t, but he really feels like it. 

This is what his life has come to.

Normalcy is running around the city in the dead of night, searching for monsters to slay. Normalcy has become acting on orders delivered by text-message and bunny-shaped shadows.

.

.

Normally Rukia wouldn’t fraternize with the humans, but Orihime makes it very hard to keep her distance. She invites her into the inner sanctum of high school girl-dom, a complex set of social systems that Rukia has zero experience with. It’s surprisingly lovely. 

She can be completely genuine with exactly none of them, but it’s still nice.

They eat lunches on the roof, tangential to the boys. They stand at each other’s desks between classes. They escort each other on routine errands, simply for the pleasure of each other’s company.

????

It’s baffling, but fascinating (she’ll never admit it, but it makes her feel warm inside). And mimicking the girls does wonders for the authenticity of her acting.

Orihime looks at her askance every once in awhile, but she seems to understand the principle. She never addresses it in private anyway.

The boys and girls occasionally drift together. This is in part due to Tatsuki and Ichigo’s friendship and in part due to the conventional social mores of the human world that dictate that genders must interact, but never fully integrate. 

She likes Chad, he’s sweet and quiet, clearly very intelligent and has a sparse way with words that she finds refreshing. Keigo is a massive idiot, but there are worse things to be. Mizuiro seems very sweet, but he’s always asking her to help him with schoolwork and tends to sit very close as she badly explains grammar structure.

Ichigo is Ichigo. 

“Rukia, I made cookies for everyone!” Orihime jolts her from her contemplations to remind her that there are worse casts of characters to be among. 

Then she takes a bite and valiantly tries not to spit out the edamame chip cookie. 

.

.

Chad’s a very large young man. He’s also Mexican. He tends to stand out in crowds, particularly in a population like Japan. He’s quiet, so people tend to forget he’s even around. They’ll say things in front of him, thinking he’s not listening. Or worse, they think he’s too stupid to understand what they’re saying. 

He speaks three languages, but whatever. 

So when Ichigo and Rukia run off together for the third time in a week and the guys immediately turn to gossiping hens, he figures no one’s expecting a response from him. He sighs. People should really learn to mind their own business… then again he’s a hypocrite, he’s just not asking his questions out loud.

Whatever.

Maybe his mind’s just under occupied these days, but he’s been contemplating the mysterious case of the delinquent and the new girl. Specifically, with respect to the ghost problem that Ichigo’s been dealing with for as long as he’s known him. It’s not that he’s seen them do anything suspicious, but the Kurosaki clinic was destroyed and the next day Rukia Kuchiki shows up at school? A prissy, perky, pretty girl appears and suddenly Ichigo’s asking her how high he should jump? Chad sees her for what she is, because they’re the same. She’s quiet because she is always listening, her attention is eerily laser focused. 

After school he goes to his part-time job at the library. Today is Wednesday so it’s Reading Circle for the daycare kids whose parents work late. Chad has been slowly making his way through Howl’s Moving Castle, chapter by chapter. It’s taking him twice as long because he reads the chapters in Japanese, then English, but he thinks it’s worth it. He likes Sophie, she’s very sensible. That is a girl for whom words have weight and meaning. 

After that he meets up with some of the guys he’s played a couple gigs with.

“Give him to Chad,” says one, of a supposedly cursed Cockatiel.

Chad sighs, “what’s your name?” he is awfully cute. 

“Yuichi Shibata, what’s your name mister?” And then a metal beam falls on his head.

He’s nothing if not polite though, so he introduces himself.

“Pleased to meet you, I’m Sado Yasutora.” 

.

. 

Rukia is always flexing. She’s always testing her limbs and joints, stretching and pulling at them, trying to find their limits. She feels too big for her skin, too strong for her fragile bird bones. This body is not real but it’s her reality.

The human boy took her powers. She’d only meant to give him a little, just enough to end the fight. Turns out, she miscalculated. And now she’s living on dwindled reserves and the foreseeable future looks like a long, winding wait for her powers to return.

But they will return. Little by little. 

At first, she could feel herself getting stronger by the day. She has recovered enough that she can do the most basic kidou: mild restraints and minimal healing. It’ll probably be months until she’s recovered! Months in the human world, with a boy left to do her work. 

So she flexes, she tests the limits of her strength and gains micrometers where she can. 

In the meantime, at least she’s learning leadership skills. 

.

. 

There’s an adjustment period. They aren’t quite working like a well oiled machine yet. That’s the thing with new partnerships, they have to learn their roles. They’re treading new ground together and some growing pains are to be expected. And then there are some details that turn into unexpected issues. 

.

. 

The can rattles as she shakes it in her hand, the sound makes her heart race. Tatsuki bites her lip, planning her first stroke. The side of the bare building is a blank canvas, her canvas. She wears gloves while she does it. Intent on keeping the evidence off her fingers. A bright splash of orange against white stucco. 

Her mother thought painting classes would be a good enough creative outlet. Don’t get her wrong, it did give her the skills to pull this off. 

A big, orange asterisk. The start of a dandelion. She shakes her can of yellow, setting the orange down. It tips onto its side and rolls deeper into the alley. 

“Shit.” Tatsuki mutters, following the can. 

It stops against the sole of a shoe. Tatsuki’s eyes trail up from the shoe to some legs, then a torso. Her mouth goes dry and she chokes when she sees the face. 

Ichigo, slumped against a dumpster. His eyes are open and glassy. She doesn’t see his chest moving. 

She stands there for who knows how long before her brain gets her body to react. She presses her thumb to his pulse, but all she can feel is her own heart hammering against her thumb. 

“Ichigo.” She quavers, grabbing him by the arms and shaking him. He’s warm, but not very.

“Ichigo!” Tatsuki slaps him across the face. His head flops, limp.

She covers her mouth with her hand, swallowing the whimper that lets loose her tears.

He’s dead. Oh god, he’s dead just like Masaki.

She was supposed to protect him. 

Her hands shake as she reaches for her cellphone. There’s a splash of orange paint on her glove and she stares at it for longer than she should.

She dials, but before it can ring, she hears approaching footsteps.

“Come on and get in there then.” The voice sounds familiar but Tatsuki’s ears are still ringing. 

“Hello, what is your emergency?” 

Tatsuki opens her mouth to speak when she hears Ichigo groan. 

“Ugh, why does my face sting?”

“Ichigo!” She scrambles to check his eyes and throat.

“Get off me, wouldja.” He pushes her off.

“You were collapsed! I thought you were dead!”

“Ma’am, are you still on the line?”

“Thanks, we’re good. Bye.” Tatsuki hangs up. Her gaze skips between Ichigo, who is sitting slumped against the alley wall, and Rukia, who is standing off to his right. “Rukia, when did you get here?”

Rukia swallows, “Oh, I was just passing by!”

If Tatsuki had less adrenaline coursing through her system she might have questioned the validity of Rukia walking around alone at night and just happening to stumble upon them.

“I heard you yelling and I came running!” 

“See, that’s a good samaritan,” Ichigo means for this to sound sincere but it comes off sarcastic. Which is actually how he means it. 

“Why don’t I help you bring him home to the clinic,” Rukia suggests, an ounce too chipper. 

Tatsuki nods numbly and each of them grab one of his arms to sling over their shoulders. They make a comical trio, lumbering along the Karakura streets. Ichigo is utterly fine and has never felt more emasculated. 

He tries to protest, but Rukia shuts him down. “Oh dear, you shouldn’t strain yourself Kurosaki! I’m not very strong, but Tatsuki is. We’ll help you get home safe!”

When he gets home and his father starts gushing over his non-existent injuries, Ichigo honestly contemplates quitting. Being a superhero isn’t worth this. 

.

. 

From there, things go from annoying to maddening.

Everyone seems to have something to say about the ‘hot new transfer student’ and the ginger thug who always seems to be hanging around her. 

Keigo is very proud. 

Mizuiro is overly solicitous with his promises that he’s not flirting with her, that he’s into older women. 

For Ichigo’s part, he’s sure that Rukia is way older than even Mizuiro’d prefer but would happily step aside in favor of their future bliss. 

.

. 

On Thursday Chad brings his new pet to school. None of his teachers bother him about it and at lunch, his friends clamor over the strange bird with the expansive vocabulary. 

Everyone, that is, except for Ichigo and Rukia. 

“Chad,” asks Ichigo, tentatively, “where’d you get the bird.” 

“A guy…” 

This seems like a perfectly reasonable response to Chad, but Keigo is unsatisfied. “Why are you always too lazy to tell the actual story?! Some guy?! What guy? Where? Does it have to do with the car that hit you yesterday? Come on!” 

And so it goes. 

Ichigo continues to stare at the bird through lunch.

“Do you need some help with that?” Mizuiro asks, startling Ichigo out of his revery. But he wasn’t addressing him.

“It’s this infernal juice box!” Rukia exclaims, sounding uncomfortably too like her demanding self. 

Ichigo sighs and takes it from her, pokes a hole with the straw and never lets his eyes stray from the bird. 

Mizuiro throws up his hands in mock defensiveness and shoots Ichigo a sly look before turning back to the one-sided conversation Keigo and Chad are still having. 

“You’re right you know,” Rukia says around the straw. “There is something odd about that bird, but it’s not evil. It’s just lonely.” 

Rukia knows how it feels. Lately she’s been feeling homesick for the 13th Division. 

“We’ll take care of it tonight.” 

“Awesome, I didn’t need to study anyway.” 

“Is that sarcasm?” 

“No ma’am,” he replies, sarcastically. 

“Your friend… is he like you?”

“What do you mean? Mixed?”

“No, you idiot. Can he see spirits?” 

“Not… that I know of.” 

“Do you know him well?” 

“Sure,” Ichigo scratches his nose and contemplates Chad, “Back in middle school I was already attracting a lot of… negative attention ‘cause of my hair. One day I ran into these guys who really meant business. They were gonna mess me up. Then Chad showed up. Ever since, we’ve watched each other’s backs.” 

Rukia turns to look at the giant too.

“He never fights back, just stands there, puts himself between bad guys and whoever they’re trying to hurt. So-” 

“So you fight for him,” Rukia finishes.

Ichigo glances at her out of the corner of his eye. “Yeah.” 

“You’re a good friend, Ichigo.”

“Yeah, I come in handy.” He wouldn’t admit it, but her esteem feeds something inside him. It feels suspiciously like pride. 

.

. 

“What can I do?” 

“Assume the fetal position and stay out of the way!”

And so it goes. Everyone in the Kurosaki household has a role to play. Ichigo gets the shit kicked out of him, Karin and Yuzu get first aid certified and help dad out in the clinic. One of these things may or may not be more useful than the other.

Chad comes into the clinic clutching Yuichi’s cage in a tight fist and slumping against Karin and Yuzu’s shorter statures.

There’s a bruise like a clawed footprint spanning Chad’s entire back, but Karin is staring at the bird.

.

.

Friday morning, Karin’s not at the breakfast table. Yuzu says she’s sick, but Karin’s never been ill a day in her life. There’s a sick feeling that makes him short on breath and nauseated. Worry and suspicion cloud his thoughts.

He knocks on her bedroom door and enters.

Karin is curled up on her side, sweating and clutching the blankets.

“Karin?”

“ICHIGO!” Isshin shouts from downstairs. “Chad is missing!”

Torn, Ichigo glances from Karin to the door and back again.

“Go,” she grits. “Go.”

He does.

He sprints out of the house and soon finds Rukia at his side.

“Any idea where he would go?”

“Not yet.”

“Ichigo.”

“Yeah?”

“Listen to your heart.”

“What?!”

“Like we practiced, feel for the bird’s soul.”

“...Right.”

He tries, he really does. He’s not so good with the sensing yet. He knows something’s wrong when he grasps at a thread, only to find himself running in circles. And then, across the way he spots Karin, slumped against the fence, struggling to remain upright. “Karin, what are you-?”

“Ichigo, I need- I need to tell you something.”

“Karin, you should go back to bed.”

He’s so afraid for her. Something is very very wrong. But one crisis at a time please.

And Rukia’s looking at his sister in that contemplative way that frightens him, like she’s a specimen for study, a code she can crack. He cannot let her dig too deep here, or else-

“Ichigo, take her back now,” Rukia commands. “I’ll go on and find Chad myself.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re in no condition to fight a hollow on your own. I can’t just leave you!”

Rukia purses her lips and says very seriously, “Worry about your sister for now, I can handle everything until you get there. Go, go on, the faster you get her home, the faster you can come help.” She’s about to take off before he stops her.

“Wait. Don’t risk yourself for my sake.”

She smiles at him, “A veteran soul reaper never takes unnecessary chances.”

This would be more reassuring if she hadn’t nearly died saving his life on the day they met.

.

.

Karin is living someone else’s nightmare. She keeps seeing things in flashes. Blood, murder, screams of terror. A red stain soaking the brightness of the morning and dripping in streaks like sunlight. There’s a little boy, a lot like her, trapped in the body of a bird. He doesn’t want to be free either.

He just wants his mom.

“You have to tell him,” she rasps, clutching her brother’s shirt. “Tell him that if he crosses over he can be with her again. His mom. Don’t let him be alone anymore.”

Loneliness so crushing, it stretches out into infinity and throws dust covers over every possibility.

.

.

Whatever senses Rukia has are dulled either by the gigai or her weakened state, so parsing out the soul ribbon belonging to Yuichi is difficult, but eventually she finds the thread.

She ends up on an empty side street when she feels a cold lick of fear slide up the back of her neck. A hollow.

“Mmm, I ordered chicken and I get a steak as well. How fortunate for me. Hello little Shinigami.”

Rukia leaps out of the way just in time to avoid the hands that strike out to trap her.

Well, now or never.

She dodges again and lands on top of it. Mustering every ounce of power she has, she fires a kidou cannon at it’s hunched back.

It works!

Giddy and triumphant she whoops. And ducks out of the way again. He misses her by a hair. She fires another cannon.

Suddenly, the surges of blue light emanating from her palms are joined by fists. And the roars and blasting noises joined by a chorus of cries.

Chad punches the hollow square in the mask and Yuichi screams for him to run away. Can he see it? She wonders, before he breaks out a combo aimed at thin air. That’s a no... He shouldn’t be fighting anyway.

The hollow sets it’s sights on Chad. Rukia acts fast, running at him full tilt and body-checking the young man out of the way of the oncoming attack.

“Thanks,” Chad grunts.

The hollow flails in pain. She took out huge chunks of its hide with her spells, but it soon regains its faculties.

It laughs, “Try as much as you want, you can’t save the boy. He makes pretty good bait, don’t you think?”

Rukia assesses the situation. She’s weaker than she’s ever been, her only allies are a bird in a cage and a blind human who does not want to fight. She doesn’t know his reasons but she can understand that. She just needs to get behind it again, it’ll be vulnerable from the back. She also needs to get some high ground so its mask will be in her sights.

“Chad!” she calls, “Give me a boost!” She doesn’t give him a chance to process or respond before getting a running start at him. Fortunately, he’s a smart young man. She plants her feet in his cupped hands, “2 o’clock!” and vaults into the air.

Rukia sails above the hollow’s head in an arc. She twists in mid-air and at the precise angle where she can see the base of it’s skull she fires the strongest cannon she can muster.

.

.

Ichigo’s arms curl under Karin’s knees and shoulders, he presses her nose into his collarbone so hard she thinks it’ll bend. She sweats and swears. Over his shoulder, like a pin of light in the encroaching darkness, she sees a woman in white. She presses a pale finger to her lips and fixes her in a steely gaze.

There is a ghost that Ichigo cannot see, lurking behind him.

Karin is no longer afraid.

She’s terrified.

.

.

The hollow twists at the last second but it’s a critical hit. It staggers forward and drops to its knees, giving Rukia and Chad time to regroup.

Rukia’s breath is ragged from exertion. She doesn’t have the energy reserves necessary to end this fight, but she can stall long enough for Ichigo to arrive.

They make a good team, Chad and Rukia, it takes very little verbal communication to effectively coordinate their attacks. He tosses, she twists, they deal blow after blow. She wonders if it will be enough.

The trapped spirit cries in his cage. He pleads with the hollow, even as they have him on the ropes. His fear has solidified into an unyielding thing. It grips at him, drags him down, prevents him from making a single move.

All the while the hollow takes advantage. This one likes to talk. He brags about the night they all died. He croons that Yuichi’s mother looked so beautiful with scarlet in her hair. He tells them that in her final moments she did not beg for her son, but for him to stop. He’d known many women like her, but nothing tastes as good as your last meal.

Chad’s stomach roils at the implications. He burns to shut him up.

So Chad throws all of himself into one final punch. The white mask cracks.

.

.

Karin does not know why it’s this spirit with whom she feels this strong a kinship. She doesn’t know why the last vestiges of her denial are being ripped away from her and shredded before her eyes.

What she knows is this:

Her life is wrong.

How did she get here?

.

.

Ichigo considers his begging sister.

They’re almost home.

He turns around.

.

.

The hollow shatters into pieces, flying apart and dissolving into nothing.

Chad has become fixated on his fist. He can’t look away. He is both intoxicated and frightened of his own strength. He just slayed a dragon. He just conquered an army. He summited a mountain. He has done the impossible with just this hand. Once, he swore to his Abuelo that he would never raise it.

He wonders if Abuelo would consider this his own defense.

Never raise a hand until you have extended it.

But a monster cannot reach back.

He’s made the right decision, but it does not feel like a victory.

“Are you alright?” he asks both Yuichi and Rukia. The latter stares at him in shock, then calculation.

‘I’m sorry,’ she says with her eyes. He nods.

Moments later, Ichigo arrives on the scene with Karin still in his arms. He sets her on her feet and looks around, searching for impending danger.

“It’s over,” Karin assures him breathily.

He looks to Rukia for confirmation, she nods too.

Karin approaches Yuichi and Ichigo follows close behind, at the ready in case of a fall. She kneels in front of the bird and Ichigo falls over himself trying to keep her upright.

“I’m fine,” improbably, Karin laughs and pushes his hands away. “Hi,” she greets the bird, more politely and patiently than she’s ever greeted a living human.

“Hello,” perhaps Yuichi senses their kinship too.

“My brother is going to take care of you now, okay?”

“Can I… Can I stay with Chad? He’s nice.”

Karin agrees, “if you want to stay, you can.” Rukia opens her mouth to argue, but at Ichigo’s quelling look, she silences herself. “I understand, I’d want to stay too. But if you move on, you can see your mom again. And there’s a whole other world waiting for you. You won’t have to be a bird anymore.”

“I don’t mind being a bird…”

“I know you’re scared,” Chad joins Karin on the curb. They make a strange picture: a giant and a tiny tomboy kneeling and conversing with a cockatiel on the side of the road, flanked by two schoolkids with grim expressions. “But everything will be okay.”

“And I’ll get to see her again?”

“Yeah,” Karin smiles and thinks of Masaki. “I’m sure she’s been waiting for you all this time.”

“Okay,” Yuichi agrees, “I’m ready then.”

Rukia pulls on her glove. Ichigo braces himself for a blow that doesn’t come. Instead, she places her hand above his heart and gives him a gentle push.

Ichigo falls out of his body gracefully. Chad catches him before he falls.

“Yo.”

“Hi.”

“...Hey.” Karin says breathlessly, looking not at his body, but at his soul. For the very first time.

Ichigo has five konsos under his belt, but each time is just as brilliant as the last. He gently presses the hilt of his sword to Yuuichi’s forehead (or whatever a bird has?). Aquamarine light guilds the cage and the next moment Yuuichi is gone. The bird is just a bird.

.

.

It’s Friday night and Ichigo just wants to sleep.

But he’s got homework.

He’s mentally exhausted, he’s hit his threshold, he just wants to be alone. Monday looms out in front of him like a spectre. It’s so far away but he knows he’ll blink and the reset button will be hit.

He taps his pencil against his notebook as he fixates on the next problem. Three more and then he can get back to the half-read novel lying cover-side down on the corner of his desk.

Rukia is sitting on his bed, reading Volume 2 of Super Kaiju Maids (“Maids who transform into giant monsters to fight EVIL!”), her back against the wall, feet peeking over the edge. Her head tilts sideways and eyes widen at a particularly suspenseful part. She squeaks and gasps with the twists of the plot.

Ichigo sighs, he’ll finish tomorrow.

He grabs his novel and rolls his desk chair closer to the bed. He leans back and puts his feet up, his left ankle, brushing Rukia’s thigh.

They read side by side well into the night.