#also i have not felt this kind of happiness in a long time

[keeryhours]

no one knows (oh, what you do to me) - steve harrington

CEO!Steve Harrington x personal assistant fem! reader

Main Masterlist

Steve Harrington Masterlist

1k Celebration Masterlist

Summary:

Your boss is too hot for his own good.

1k celebration prompt: “Behave.”

Warnings:

Smut (18+), unprotected p in v, oral (f receiving), fingering, drinking, smoking, unspecified age gap

Word Count: 3k

A/N:

Thank you for celebrating with me! You can still request here if you want to join!

Big big shoutout to the best of the best @punkrockmlchael @the-witty-pen-name @lesservillain @fizzing-imagines @losingmygrasponreality for reading and helping with ideas!

Mr. Harrington fastened his cuff links, staring intently at his reflection in the mirror in his large office. His hair was perfectly styled, his expensive suit dry cleaned and pressed. He had spritzed on the slightest bit of his cologne, the scent intoxicating even from the other side of the room.

You came over to him with your binder in hand, little black dress hugging your curves just right. This company party was an important one, there would be CEOs and presidents from multiple large companies in attendance. You could tell Steve was nervous. There was a major deal he was hoping to close.

“Can I help with anything, Mr. Harrington?” You asked, opening your binder and looking through the list of tasks. As his personal assistant, you were determined to help this party run as smoothly as possible. “The caterers have arrived, they just finished getting set up downstairs.”

Steve glanced away from the mirror to meet your eyes, giving you a kind smile that did nothing to hide his nerves. “No, you’ve done amazing. Thank you.”

The electricity between you felt like a physical presence. You had always been drawn to Steve, from the moment you got hired at his company. You originally had been hired as a receptionist, but Steve took such a liking to you and how you did things that he promoted you to his personal assistant. You loved the job. It paid well, it was exciting work, something you were good at, and Mr. Harrington was a kind and fair boss.

He was also extremely good looking. Maybe a little too old for you. And, you know. Your boss.

It didn’t stop you from swooning over him, or constantly gushing about him to your friends, or thinking of him when you were alone.

It didn’t help, the way he looked at you. Like he felt it, too. The way his gaze would linger on you whenever he had the chance, how he would place a hand on your back and let it linger too long, the way he always wanted you by his side (which probably was because you were his assistant, but you’d read into it if you wanted to, dammit). Steve was quiet about his private life, but you had certainly noticed the lack of a ring on his finger.

Lisa, the new secretary, popped her head into the office. “The guests are arriving, Mr. Harrington.”

He gave her a nod. “Thank you, Lisa.” He looked over his appearance in the mirror one more time, and you wished you could tell him he looked perfect and sexy as hell, not a single thing out of place. “Are you ready?” He asked you.

“Ready,” you confirmed, and he surprised you by holding his arm out for you. He looked at you expectantly as you stared at it in shock, but finally snapped yourself out of it and linked your arm with his.

Down at the party, things were in full swing quickly. You trailed Steve as he spoke to about a million businessmen and women, introducing you as his assistant. You were surprised he deemed you important enough to introduce to these people at all. They were nice enough, but quickly turned their attention back to Steve.

The alcohol was flowing, and everyone was in good spirits. Steve’s conversations with the other professionals were going well, especially with Mr. Connor, the CEO he was trying to close a deal with. You could always tell when Steve was happy with how a deal was going because he could never wipe off that charming smile, the laugh lines on his face prominent.

“Do you want to get some fresh air with me?” Steve asked after a little while. It was getting stuffy in there and you were a few drinks deep, so you agreed. Steve led you out the back glass doors onto a private balcony.

He pulled a lighter and a pack of cigarettes from behind a potted plant, pulling one out and placing it between his lips. You raised your eyebrows, and he smirked as he brought the flame of the lighter up to the cigarette. “Our little secret,” he said.

Somehow, it made him even hotter. And now you had a secret together? It might have been the alcohol, but your head was spinning with how badly you wanted this man.

And maybe it was also the alcohol, but you were feeling a little bold.

Your pen slipped from your hand (totally by mistake, of course), clattering to the ground. “Oh, shoot,” you hissed, and you bent over, giving Steve the perfect view of your ass in your short dress.

You could practically feel Steve’s eyes on you. And oh, was he looking. His eyes shamelessly dragged over the curve of your perfect ass, the tiniest glimpse of your black lace panties beneath. The smoke left his lips in a slow cloud as he took in every inch of you he could before you stood again, his pants now uncomfortably tight.

“Sorry,” you blushed, leaning back against the balcony as you faced him again.

“Don’t apologize,” he said. “You don’t need to apologize for anything.”

You only blushed deeper, your eyes roaming Steve’s figure, his immense sex appeal only increased as you watched him smoke. “Sorry,” you said again out of habit.

Steve chuckled. “You look beautiful tonight.”

You cheered internally. He had really just complimented you.

“You don’t look bad yourself, Mr. Harrington,” you smiled at him, a little flirtatious. For the year you’ve dreamed of making some kind of move, you’re still beyond shocked that you’re actually doing it.

“Please,” he waved his hand with the cigarette before dragging on it one more time. “Call me Steve.”

He had never told you to do that before. Your heart thundered in your chest - what did this mean?

“My ex wife never liked when I smoked,” he commented randomly. “So now I keep it quiet.”

It was the first thing Steve had ever told you about his personal life. It caught you off guard, and your own next words surprised you even more. “Are you single now?”

Steve smirked at the question. “Yes. I am.” Another drag. “You?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed, completely giddy that he’d even asked. “Single.” He smiled again, giving you a little nod like he approved of that.

When he finished his cigarette he stubbed it out, tossing it off the balcony. He straightened his suit and slid a hand over his always immaculate hair. “Ready to get back to it?”

Back at the party, you were suddenly physically much closer to Steve. He led you around with his large hand on the small of your back, and you could almost pretend you were his date. His young little trophy wife, attending events on his arm without a pen and binder clutched to your chest.

Steve being into you out back had only boosted your confidence, and the cocktails were certainly helping. You would make a point to slide in front of him in tight spaces, muttering a quiet “Excuse me,” as you brushed your ass over the crotch of his pants completely on purpose. You could feel his breath hitch behind you; the way he twitched like he wanted to move away but also wanted to touch you. You kept bending over in front of him again and again, leaning across him and pushing your breasts near his face.

It was working. Steve’s attention was entirely on you, totally distracted whenever a colleague would speak to him. Something about his demeanor seemed a little on edge, and next thing you knew, he was grabbing you by the arm and pulling you out into the hallway. Your eyes were wide when he spun on you.

“I’m carrying this company’s reputation on my back,” he said, eyes shining with intensity. “This is potentially the most important deal of my life.” He leaned in close, lips brushing against your ear. It gave you goosebumps. “So you need to be a good girl and behave.”

Your mouth parted in silent shock. An electrical current ran through your body, right to your core. His hand trailed up your thigh, pushing the skirt of your dress up slowly.

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?” He practically growled in your ear.

“I-“

“Oh, don’t act cute,” he sneered. “You know exactly what you’re doing. You may be young, sweetheart, but you’re not some innocent little girl.”

You were speechless. Steve looked like he was fighting something in his own head; he cursed under his breath. “We’re not gonna be able to go back to that party until we get this out of our systems, are we?”

And with that he pulled you to the elevator. “Where are we going?” You asked, attempting to keep up with his long strides in your heels without falling on your face.

“To my office,” he said simply. He pressed the button for the top floor and the doors slid closed.

The second they did, Steve was on you. He pushed you up against the wall, his lips on yours in an instant. Your arms wrapped around his neck as his hands slid up your dress, grabbing your ass and pulling your body against his. God, was he hard already?

He bit down on your bottom lip before his tongue slid over it and you let him in with a moan, the smirk felt against your lips as his tongue pressed into your mouth. His hands slid over your hips, teasing the hem of your panties.

“I’ve been wanting to get my hands on you since you walked in these doors for the first time,” he murmured. “You have no idea the restraint I’ve had to show. The things I’ve had to do to the thoughts of you when I get home just so I can control myself at work.”

You whimpered at his words, clit throbbing between your legs at his dirty mouth. Were you dreaming?

“Mr. Harrington…”

Steve groaned, pushing his hardened cock against you. “I told you, you don’t have to call me that. But fuck, I love it when you do.”

The elevator dinged, the doors sliding open and revealing the empty hallway. Steve lifted you, and you squealed as your feet left the ground and your legs wrapped around his waist. He carried you the short distance to his office, fumbling with the doorknob as he held you up.

Inside, he carried you to his huge mahogany desk. He used one arm to sweep everything but the computer off and onto the floor, sitting you on top of it. Your eyes were wide, head spinning at how bad he clearly wanted you as the papers all scattered to the ground, making a huge mess Steve didn’t seem to give a fuck about.

He hiked your short dress up around your waist, revealing your black lace panties and your (thankfully) freshly shaven legs. His hands slid up the smooth skin slowly, like he was savoring every inch of your body. He wore a ring on his right hand, the real gold like ice against your skin, making you shiver.

“Fucking gorgeous,” he remarked to himself. “And such a little minx. You know what those tiny little skirts do to me?” He leaned in closer, lips brushing your neck. “It’s against our dress code, you know. Couldn’t bring myself to say anything because I liked the view too much.”

He kissed your neck, running his tongue over the sensitive flesh as he moaned at the taste of you. He pulled back and quickly discarded his suit jacket, throwing it over the back of his desk chair. Your hands moved for his expensive leather belt, unbuckling it and then working on the button of his pants.

“I’ve wanted you so bad,” you admitted. Steve chuckled, the sound way sexier than you’d ever heard a laugh sound. He bit down on your neck and you moaned, tilting your head to the side. His hands caressed your body, now sliding up your sides until he was grabbing at your tits.

You got his pants undone just as he reached for your panties, sliding them down your legs. He placed your high heel-clad feet on the edge of the desk, spreading your legs wide for him before he wrapped his hands around your thighs and lowered his head to your pussy.

You gasped at the feeling of his tongue licking along your folds, devouring your wetness and groaning at the taste of you. “Fuck, taste so good. So sweet. Just like I imagined.”

He was so good. He worked his tongue expertly against your cunt, paying special attention to your clit as he flicked it with his tongue and wrapped his lips around it, sucking gently. You cried out, head tilting back as you leaned back on your arms. Steve grabbed tightly onto your hips, pulling you as close to his face as possible. His tongue teased your hole, nose brushing against your clit.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck,” you moaned. “I’m gonna cum, ohmygod-“

Steve slipped a long finger inside of you, curling it and pumping deep inside, and it was all it took to push you over the edge. You moaned loudly, not even thinking about if there could be a janitor or other staff member on the floor. Steve groaned as he worked you through your orgasm, drinking in every bit of slick you gave him.

When he stood to his full height again, you could see the wetness on his lips and chin, the sight absolutely obscene and so hot. He crashed his lips to yours again, the taste of you lingering on his tongue. He moved back a little to push down his pants and briefs, long, hard cock springing free.

Jesus Christ.

It was such a pretty cock. Long and thick, just the slightest upward curve. There was a vein along the underside of it that you ached to run your tongue over. His tip was tinged red, precum glistening at his head. You longed to wrap your lips around him, to have a taste. His cock twitched as he watched you staring, and you reached for it.

But Steve already had other plans.

“Later,” he promised you, slotting his body between your thighs. You breathed out at the feeling of his hard dick pressed against your pussy, insistent and ready. “I need to be inside you, baby. I can’t wait another second.”

And with that he pushed inside of you, the stretch intense but incredible. You both moaned deeply as he sunk into your deliciously tight heat, it was everything he imagined and more.

“Mr. Harrington-“ you cried out a moan as he snapped his hips into you, filing you with the rest of his length abruptly. He was so deep his cock was pressed up against your cervix, you had never had a guy so deep inside you before.

Steve shuddered as the formal title accidentally slipped from your lips, holding still as he was buried to the hilt and trying desperately not to cum in 2 seconds. He had never in his life felt a pussy so perfect, so tight and wet and made for his cock. “Fuck…” he hissed.

“Please fuck me,” you begged, moving your hips, desperate for the friction of him moving inside you. Steve groaned again, face buried in your neck, but he slowly drew his hips backwards, pulling out until only his tip remained, then snapped them back into you.

He started a quick pace, like he lost all self control and now could only think about fucking you, losing himself in your perfect cunt. He held your hips as he rutted his cock into you, the noises of your wetness around his cock and his skin on yours filling the room. The sturdy desk groaned under the intensity of his movements.

“Feels so good,” he huffed, moving back to press his lips to yours again. “Perfect little pussy. So much better than I imagined at home with my cock in my hand.”

You moaned, because fuck, he had gotten himself off to the thought of you?

“You’re so big, Mr. Harrington,” you whined, pussy throbbing around him as he hit your g-spot with every deep thrust. Steve seemed to lose the tiny sliver of self control he was desperately holding onto at that, his pace turning brutal and his fingers digging bruises into your hips.

“Shit, I’m not gonna last,” he hissed. “I’ve wanted this for so fucking long, and I’m not gonna last.”

“Want you to cum in me,” you begged. “I’m so close. I wanna feel you filling me up.”

“H-ohh,” Steve let out a mixture of a moan and a whimper, hips stuttering as he nearly came right then and there. “Cum around my cock, baby girl, and I’ll fill you up just like you want.”

He reached a hand between you and rubbed against your clit, that extra bit of stimulation all you needed to have you clenching around his cock over and over as you came, leaning back and your back arching off the desk as the intense feeling washed over you like a wave. “Mr. Harrington! Steve, I- oh god, oh fuck!”

He wasn’t long behind you, groaning your name loudly as his ropes of cum shot deep into you, balls tightening like he was giving you every drop he had. “Fuck! Fuck!”

He held you, both of you trembling as you came back down to earth. Finally Steve pulled out of you, some of his cum escaping and dripping onto his desk below you. Steve just about lost it right then.

He adjusted himself back into his pants, reaching for the tissue box on the floor to get you cleaned up. You blushed as he did, not used to such sweetness after a hookup. He handed you your panties and you gratefully pulled them back on, pulling your dress back down. You had a party to get back to, after all.

“That was…” You began, unsure what to say.

“Incredible,” Steve took the word from you. “But next time-“

“Next time?” You squeaked out, unable to hide the excitement in your voice.

Steve smirked. “Next time, I’m going to take my time with you.”

[k0ff1n]

Were there always 𝘵𝘸𝘰 beasts of deceit?

☆.A list of general headcanons about an au where the witches decided to divide the knowledge in two. Can also be read as: i hate that everyone thinks that Shadow Milk basically kidnaps people instead of being able to love someone and actually be understood :D

☆. This was originally meant to be an au with my oc but I tried to keep the personality for the reader as neautral as possible, no gender or anything specified because if I see that I'm supposed to have long blonde hair one more time I'm gonna kms. 　　

☆. Isn't really nsfw but there is a "suggestive" part, like they don't fuck but it's implicit so before someone comes for my head I WARNED YOU. Anyway I hope you enjoy it :}.

☆. Also english isn't my first language so I'm genuinely sorry if there are any mistakes :/.

-First of all I prefer to think that you didn't meet Shadow Milk after he became the beast of deceit. To have someone understand him in such a deep way it's only possible if you were there since the origin of everything, even his. It's not impossible to imagine how heavy all the knowledge is to bear so it would make sense if the witches decided to divide it in 𝘵𝘸𝘰, no?

-Not everyone knows that it wasn't one being that held all the knowledge in their head but two similar cookies, always together since the start and unable to physically stay away from each other for a long amount of time. It wasn't far fetched to say that after the creation of the academy people considered you to be his shadow and him yours. There wasn't one moment where you two could be found more than ten meters apart and the reason was kind of obvious, even if not to many people. You were each other's half without wanting it to be, if knowledge started with him the only possible outcome was for it to finish with you.

-As much as the weight of knowing literally 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 held the both of you from forming meaningful relationships with other cookies (ignoring the beasts obviously) it didn't mean that you became hermits and went away from society, especially since your role was to spread information and teach others. It was after years and years of having to face thousands of different cookies everyday and try to help them with the infinity of informations you had that it became more of a burden to you.

-If years ago others seemed happy to know every kind of possible thing in Crispia, now it felt as if you were being rude by telling them those truths. Needless to say that having someone able to understand perfectly helped the both of you overcome those moments and push forward. And even if things made you tired it was always okay because you knew that he would have always been there to comfort you and vice versa.

-But the situation changed. It changed that one faithful day when the witches you held so dear to your hearts told you that it wasn't enough, that even if all the cookies preferred 𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘵 you couldn't agree with them and ignore it because only they could and not 𝘺𝘰𝘶, not the perfect duo they created to spread 𝘵𝘩𝘦 word. From that point on it only went downhill, the two of you agreed that it wasn't 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘳, it wasn't 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺 that only you had to suffer because of those rules and standards while the others could live happily and in ignorance.

-It took some time for the other beasts to start noticing how unfair life was to them too and one by one they fell, the only ones you could think of as friends being held back by forks and chains while you had to pretend that your life was happy. After that everything changed, the knowledge and truth you were supposed to spread became the base for misinformation and lies, those very things the other cookies liked some much became your routine until at some point the witches stopped you, they did what you saw years before being done to your closest friends only now you were being both sealed away in some damn tree for what you thought would have been the rest of eternity.

-Shadow Milk and you weren't the fountain of knowledge anymore, to them at least, but all those things didn't vanish from your minds, all the informations, lies and painful memories were still in your heads like a sea during a storm, unable to stop and become peaceful like it once was. Conversations with the other beasts became rare over time, their rage towards the witches making them unable to care about a conversation with you. It was at that point in your lives that you really understood how important you were to each other, obviously you knew it already but now that it was nothing but you two it became palpable how your souls were interviewed and literally unable to be pulled apart. If the witches thought it a good idea to create two of you it was probably their biggest regret now.

———————

-It was after 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 that the damn tree opened and you realized that you didn't have your full power anymore. As if being imprisoned for a millenia wasn't enough they had to strip you of your soul jam and give it to some 𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘥, like he had the right to use it while you two were left to your own demise. Anger, resentment and sadness were the only feelings that your hearts could feel for far too much time and after 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 who it was that stole your power they only heightened, now unable to really understand how was it 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘳 that everything that made you two who you were in the past was now held away from you while your mere existence was considered a crime.

-The only luck on your side was the one that made you have enough power to escape the situation and find refuge in what was years before known as the spire of knowledge, now a place full of dust and old memories that could once again be considered your home. It's probably thanks to that too that you were, even if only a little, able to partially calm down and concentrate on the situation at hand and how to face those 𝘱𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘴 and regain your power back.

———————

-As for the relationship I'd say that the start was probably the hardest part, but only like the first few days because after those it felt as if you were literally made for each other (lol you were). The type of relationship and friendship where you two are able to talk about everything, and in your case literally 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, from how the universe was made to why some rats look better when they become taxidermy than when they were alive.

-Your life was a constant presence in his and the same was for you, it should feel bad to always be around someone but with him it was as if everything around you was still and the only moving things were the two of you. Needless to say that in the years at the academy you couldn't really show affection to each other because of the list of students always surrounding you two to ask things regarding previous lessons, and even if you two lived together the time was mostly spent working to improve lives and not to really live yours.

-All this started to change when you opted for the lies and deceit road, now able to talk to each other for more than ten minutes at a time and to maybe sleep at least six hours. This obviously meant that your lives were spent differently, you didn't have to care about others too much so it came natural to care about each other even more than before. Now it wasn't a problem if you two were found kissing each other before a lesson and if someone dared to say something bad about it they would 𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 have no one to talk to the next day. Totally not because one some rumor that started spreading about them, oh no no, you misunderstand really it was only his fault that made the situatuon escalate like that and so quickly.

-Needless to say that over time people noticed a pattern and opted for staying away from you, not that you minded obviously, it only meant that you two would have finally been able to start living like a normal couple and not like the embodiments of all knowledge. By this I mean that general affection became routine, cooking together every morning was now the norm and things like spending time reading on the couch or watching a movie could finally be considered normal days and not like some kind of taboo.

-The almost non existent 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦 moments that for a long time were almost nothing more than an escape from the harsh reality out there were now finally moments of pleasure between two lovers. The attraction you felt for each other now had the time to be expressed and the shame you almost felt in the past seemed to never have existed in the first place.

-Obviously all of this came to an halt when the tree took all you beasts in 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 and it's kind of obviously to say that when it spat you out the first thing you did when arriving at the spire wasn't dusting the shelves and sweeping the floors.

-Now your life could begin again, even if the anger you both felt towards Pure Vanilla was the prime subject of your discussions that doesn't mean that your life as a couple magically ended. It was after some time that other cookies decided to work for you, the first one was obviously Black Sapphire and after some time Candy Apple joined too. As much as it seemed strange at first to have other people living with you, even if not in the same section of the spire, they grew on you both after some time, not that they could be considered your kids but when you started helping the younger one with choosing the hairstyles she preferred for the day and which dress fit her better it did start to feel as if you were some kind of family. As dysfunctional as it could be obviously, but a family nonetheless.

-After the years spent in the tree the clingy side of him started shining through, not that you minded but it sure was way different than the past. It wasn't as if your personal space stopped to exist since you both were always together but a thousand years ago he probably would have never opted for walking with a hand around your waist or literally making out in public, be it in front of servants or cookies like Gingerbrave and his friends. Speaking of that: the expressions on their faces when they first entered the Spire and saw that Shadow Milk wasn't alone but with someone literally sitting on his lap was priceless. What followed was them shouting at him to free you of whatever kind of brainwashing technique he used, only to have you kissing him and showing them your wedding band as an answer. After that they looked more confused than before but it surely wasn't your problem.

-It took some time for you to get used to his way of talking with the others, you too obviously changed and had to craft a mask to show the others and protect your real self but the difference between when he talked with you and when he interacted with other cookies always managed to leave you speechless. After years it became routine and even kind of funny to listen to him talk in such an exaggerated way, only to ask him something and listen to him change his voice completely to the one you always knew.

-Well needless to say that people can believe that the perfect couple doesn't exist but we all know that the world is indeed full of lies, is it not?

[pellucid-constellations]

A rejected bond. A happiness unfounded.

Azriel x Reader (760 words, based on a request!, warnings: vague backstory, angst)

Masterlist here

~~

Azriel held your stare, his breath quivering with each exhale. 

“What?” he said again—not a question, really. 

Your chest heaved as you opened your mouth once more. “I can’t.” 

“You… can’t?” Azriel did ask this time, tongue darting out between his lips as his brow furrowed. “I don’t understand. What does that mean?” 

“I can’t be your mate. I can’t accept that bond, Azriel.” 

His hands, reaching for you in some semblance of connection, curled at the fingers. His joints seemed to cry out as he moved without full consciousness, and you watched as the scars retracted. It would be easier to keep your gaze locked on his hands, but when he spoke next the pain in his voice had you searching for his face once more. 

“I know—I must not be what you were expecting.” 

No. No, no, no. That was not why.

Your throat was beginning to close. You fought the urge to claw at it. 

“I can… I can be different. Different than I have been. I’ve just—I’ve loved you for so long. I don’t know why I—the bond could make it different,” Azriel almost pleaded. A tendril of his hair wove down across his forehead as his shadows anxiously twisted around him. 

In his eyes, you saw the boy in the basement. You saw the insecurity and fear. You saw that he was trying, and that’s why this hurt even more. 

Azriel never spoke without his thoughts clearly assembled, but as his words spewed out in a low, broken tone, their disorganization was the toll this was taking on him. 

“This doesn’t have to do with you, Azriel. This isn’t about you being different,” you explained. Each word hurt as it left you. 

You wanted him. 

They would hurt him. 

Azriel blinked, several times, and then took a step toward you. You tracked his feet as he moved. “We could—” he shook his head, staring at his hands “—take it slow. Or—or it doesn’t have to be anything other than the tether. We can stay friends.” 

They wouldn’t allow that. 

Azriel didn’t know that you were already spoken for. That the people in control were late to pick up their spoils, actually, and this was the worst possible time for happiness to be dangled in front of you.

You needed to reject the bond. 

There couldn’t be a trace of it when they came to collect you. 

You settled your resolve, reminding yourself that no matter how much it hurt you to do this—no matter how much the glossiness of Azriel’s eyes made you weak—you needed to protect him. You weren’t free to do as you pleased. You never were, and this temporary reprieve had always been a ploy to remind you of that. 

Finding your mate was never supposed to happen. 

You were never born to be happy. 

“I’m leaving,” you finalized, bringing your hands behind your back as your fists clenched and your nails imprinted on your skin. “We—I won’t be coming back.” 

Something raw ripped from Azriel’s throat. “Because of the bond?” 

“I was never supposed to stay here,” you replied in place of an answer. “This was never my home.” 

“But it could be. It could be, with or without me. I would make sure you were happy.” 

It sounded so simple coming from his mouth. Everything sounded better when he said it. 

“I don’t think that’s possible.” 

The bond, still so fresh and alight within you, cried and pulled at your being. It was unhappy with you, the cauldron or the mother or whatever entity that was playing this cruel joke on you displeased that you were not also playing along. 

It would calm, you reminded yourself—when you were home, everything felt calm. Or, everything felt still, at least. Stagnant. Never moving. 

“Tell me what you need me to do,” Azriel begged. “I’ll do anything. Don’t leave.” 

He didn’t realize that it wasn’t your choice—that he could beg and plead, but in the end, his mate was never free to make that kind of decision. 

You couldn’t reject the bond in front of him. You couldn’t bear witness to that kind of pain. 

But because he already looked so ruined—because he was still reaching for you, still inching forward as your head pounded—you provided a bit of context to the disaster. 

“I don’t have a choice,” you revealed. 

Azriel searched your eyes with an amounting determination. 

You couldn’t reject the bond yet, but you knew it was only a matter of time. 

Azriel would hold onto it until that final day. 

[helaintoloki]

Somethin’ Stupid

pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

warnings: angst, mentions of drinking, reader has it bad for bucky like pathetically bad

notes: another bucky piece because i can’t help myself

summary: a drunken confession spoils a perfectly good evening

A warm and bubbly feeling washes over you as you take another sip of liquor to mask your laughter at Tony and Rhodey’s drunken dance moves. You know by the tingling sensation in your legs and the fits of giggles that plague you that you’ve probably had one too many drinks, something Natasha had also picked up on before disappearing to find you a glass of water. You’re not sure how long she’s been gone, but you don’t mind the solitude. Being an Avenger can be chaotic, so you appreciate moments of stillness like this one.

“There you are,” a voice notes fondly, the couch cushions sinking slightly beneath you as the weight of another person is added. A glass of water suddenly appears in your hands, and Bucky offers you a wink before settling in beside you. “I thought maybe you’d called it a night already.”

“Maybe you and Steve have early bedtimes, but I don’t,” you jest playfully before taking greedy gulps of water from the glass. Your clumsiness prompts droplets of water to escape your mouth and run down your neck and into the crevice of your dress, but Bucky pretends not to notice.

“You’re hilarious,” he retorts with a sarcastic roll of his eyes before returning his gaze to the crowded room before him. “I’ll hand it to Tony, he knows how to throw a party.”

“I’m sure being a billionaire helps,” you note with a thoughtful hum before pulling your legs up and tucking them beneath you on the couch as you shift to face the man. “Natasha send you?”

“Clint was pulling her onto the dance floor,” he explains with a dry chuckle, “but it’s alright, I was looking for you anyway.”

“You were?” You gape meekly, your heart beginning to race at the mere thought of Bucky seeking you out.

It was a secret to no one but James himself that you were hopelessly in love with him. He was kind and thoughtful, and he always had genuine interest in what you had to say no matter how mundane the topic was. Being paired together for missions almost constantly didn’t help your growing feelings either, and how could you not fall for the man who had saved your ass more times than you could count? While a rational person could dismiss his actions as simply being a good teammate, you couldn’t help but to hope that maybe he fought so fiercely for you because a part of him felt something too.

Other than Natasha you spent more time with Bucky than anyone, almost always trailing behind him like a lovesick puppy, and yet he never made you feel unwanted or unimportant. He was more than happy to be a sparring partner, to join you in the entertainment room for a movie night, to talk into the late hours of the night after you’d had a nightmare. He was perfect, and your heart ached to have him as your own.

“Of course I was,” Bucky reiterates with a careful smile, fingers reaching out to push away a strand of hair that had escaped from the rest. “You still owe me a dance.”

A dazed smile forms on your lips as your mind scrambles to process his words and your stomach does backflips at the mere idea of getting to steal a dance with James Barnes. Before you can even comprehend what’s going on, Bucky is carefully helping you up from the couch and gingerly guiding you to a more secluded space on the dance floor. It seems as if the band has read his mind for as soon as he guides your hand to his shoulder and takes the other in his own they begin to play a romantic melody.

The coolness of his metal hand on your hip starkly contrasts the fire that spreads throughout your body. You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol or the fact that you’re mere inches away from his face but the room suddenly feels unbearably hot as he sways back and forth with you.

“You doing alright?” He asks with a careful smile, noting the way you stumble over your feet every once in a while as you drunkenly try to match his sober pace.

“I’ve never been better,” you confess with a nervous giggle. Chancing a glance around the room, you make eye contact with a smug Natasha sitting at the bar. She gives you a nod of approval and mouths words of encouragement, but it only makes you all the more nervous. Should you seize the moment and finally tell him how you feel?

“You know, you’re probably the best dance partner I’ve ever had.”

“Really?” You gape, looking up at him with wide eyes as if he hung the moon and the stars in the sky himself. A glimmer of hope appears in your gaze as you cling to his every word and grip onto his bicep as if you’ll lose him otherwise. Your whole body buzzes with anticipation as you waited for him to say something, anything, that would confirm his feelings for you.

“I mean it,” Bucky reiterates with a charming smile, freehand gently tilting your head upwards so that your lips are merely inches apart. Then, almost abruptly, he moves away and adds, “You’re a natural, kid.”

Everything seems to freeze in place as your heart sinks to your stomach and your body immediately begins to sober up as his words sink in.

Kid.

He called you a kid.

You stumble forward with a gasp, false lashes fluttering as you work on overtime to hold back the tears. Bucky’s hands are quick to grab hold of your arms and steady you, but his touch now feels like a hot branding iron that you desperately wish to pull away from. How could you be so stupid? How could you think he’d ever see you as anything else other than a teammate? Than a kid?

You find yourself rethinking all of your interactions, all of your stolen moments with the man, and with the rose colored glasses removed you’re able to see now that there was never anything there between the two of you. He was acting as a friend and a mentor, and those moments in the field where he’d thrown you behind him or used his arm to shield you from bullets were not him professing his love for you.

It was him babysitting you.

“Oh my god,” you breathe out quietly in disbelief, fighting with everything you have to keep down the bile that creeps its way up your throat. The music suddenly feels too loud, and you feel like all eyes are on you as Bucky holds you up on your feet.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” He prompts again, brows furrowed with worry and tone gentle as he begins to lead you off the dance floor.

“I-I need to go,” you manage to blurt out before prying yourself free of his grasp and hurriedly stumbling towards the elevators back to your room. You feel absolutely humiliated and ashamed, but you also feel guilty for leaving Bucky stranded like that. You know he’s done nothing wrong, and this whole mess is a result of you searching for signs of something that was never truly there, but you can’t bear to face him now.

Hot tears trail down your cheeks as the elevator doors finally open to the residential floor, and Bucky is standing right there in front of them when you arrive.

“Bucky?” You sniffle meekly, too inebriated to wrap your head around his presence.

“I took the stairs,” he quickly explains before carefully reaching towards you only to be rejected as you push past him. “Y/n, what’s going on? Did I do something to upset you? Talk to me.”

“You called me a kid!” You cry defensively, though your current behavior seems to support his previous statement. “I’m not a kid.”

“Hey, I know that,” Bucky quickly insists, hands raised in surrender as he once again reaches for you. When you don’t move away this time he takes it upon himself to carefully cup your face in his hands and brush away your tears with the pads of his thumbs. “You’re not a kid, and I didn’t mean to imply that you were.”

Taking a shuddering breath, you rapidly shake your head and let out a quiet sob. “You don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand, doll? Talk to me, I’m right here.”

Another tear makes its way down your cheek as you finally will yourself to look into his comforting gaze. Your stomach churns and your mind pleads with you to keep your mouth shout, but instead you utter in quiet defeat, “I love you.”

The silence that follows your confession is deafening. Bucky only stares at you, processing your words before a look of realization finally washes over his features. His eyes soften, lips pulling into a frown, and though you previously thought it impossible you can feel your heart breaking all over again.

“Oh, y/n…” he utters gently while slowly releasing his hold on you. “I don’t-“

“I’ve got it from here, Barnes,” a voice intrudes sharply, Natasha’s arm coming to wrap around your trembling frame. “Go back to the party.”

“Nat-“ Bucky begins to protest, but her piercing glare has the words dying in his throat.

“Now’s not the time,” she scolds. Her tone and features soften as she returns her attention to you and ushers you up to your room. She’d seen enough to piece together what had transpired in her absence, and she knew that what was best for you now was to get you cleaned up and in bed.

“How could I be so stupid?” You whisper more to yourself than to her, but the comforting rub of your shoulders signals that she heard it anyway.

And so did Bucky, who’s left to do nothing but watch you disappear into your bedroom and grapple with just how quickly the evening had turned sour.

An almost perfect night spoiled all because you’d said something stupid.

[honeysorwell]

a ring and the (Super Bowl's) ring

pairing: Restaurant!AU Melissa Schemmenti x fem!Reader

Synopsis of the story + Chapter 1 + Chapter 2

Link on AO3

Chapter 2

Tag list: @janeyseymour @italianaidiota @chloeelou02x (I tagged you all because you are all on my tag list for my other Melissa's fanfic, so since this is also a fanfic for Mel here you are!) (and if you want to be tagged too just let me know.)

Words: 2,9k

All information about the game and the ring was from Google. And thank you all very much for the kind words in the last chapter (and I truly apologize for the delay, but I was checking if the information makes sense, but then I gave up... and now I'm just praying. SERIOUSLY!

Enjoy!

“You look so beautiful waking up like a champion, hon.”, the redhead’s whispered voice, still kinda asleep, in Y/N’s ear infiltrates her senses fast enough for her skin to crawl before she is able to smile at her girlfriend.

Just like the night before, before and after the Eagles’ crushing victory in the Super Bowl, Melissa’s hands are not content with just gently embracing the food critic's skin. The chef of the Italian restaurant needs to let her fingerprints wander under the winning team’s jersey that her girlfriend borrowed from her last night.

“You’ve said that every time I’ve worn one of your Eagles jerseys since we’ve known each other.”, the food critic answers her girlfriend after looking at her own body and noticing that, in fact, she slept in last night’s shirt, but that doesn’t matter when she stretches her body just enough to place a soft kiss on Melissa's lips.

“And I mean it every single time.”, was Melissa’s laughing response to her girlfriend, as she moved even closer to hug her better and escape the morning sun that was gently filtering through the half-open curtains, painting the room and their bed with warm shades of orange and gold.

The delicate light illuminated the messy bed where those two women were intertwined, covered by a disheveled comforter, and the silence of the apartment was broken only by the soft sound of their breathing, low giggles, sweet kisses, and the distant noise of traffic outside.

But being awake suddenly made a throbbing headache appear on Y/N’s forehead, who groaned softly, putting her hand to the spot before asking her girlfriend:

“Oh my… What time is it?”, she murmured, her voice hoarse from sleep and the night of excesses.

Beside her, Melissa began to move, pulling the duvet to uncover part of her body and look at the clock on the bedside table, but the numbers seemed to dance before her eyes.

“I don’t know… too early, for sure,” the redhead replied, letting her head fall back onto the pillow, but it wasn’t long before she carefully rolled over once more, leaning against Y/N' body again.

The two ladies lay there, enjoying the calm of the morning and the warmth of each other. Some nausea and some headache were there, sure, but they seemed small compared to the happiness they felt with the memories of the previous night more vivid than anything in their minds.

Because the previous night was definitely something.

It always is when the Eagles win. Especially the Super Bowl.

Ever since the food critic, Y/N Y/L/N, started dating the chef and owner of the traditional Italian restaurant Schemmenti’s Cucin, she noticed her furious love for the football team. But she really doesn’t think anything could have prepared her for how furious that love is when the Eagles actually win the Super Bowl.

And with such a crushing victory against the Chiefs.

Melissa’s Italian restaurant was buzzing with energy that night. Even though it was a Sunday, a day when the restaurant normally closed early, the redhead decided to open exceptionally to welcome close friends and some family to watch the game that all Eagles fans were eagerly awaiting. The tables had been rearranged to accommodate a large projection screen, and the aroma of lasagna, bruschettas and tiramisu filled the air.

Melissa, wearing her tightly-fitted Eagles jersey and a particularly cute team hat, nervously circulated among the guests, handing out cannoli and making sure everyone was well-fed even after dinner, before the game started, slightly unaware of the adoring gaze that was following her.

Y/N was sitting in a cozy corner with Seamus, Barbara, and her husband, Gerald, watching the anxious chef from a distance. The black woman would hardly participate in an event like that, but thanks to her husband's love for football and her decades-long friendship with the most nervous redhead in the place, the successful painter simply accepted her fate that night. And, with a small watercolor and some disposable napkins, she made quick sketches of the vibrant scene around her.

“You never know when the Eagles are going to win,” was how she justified herself to Y/N and her husband, when they both came to keep her company after dinner, “And I just know Melissa would appreciate it.”

Gerald was just trying to explain the rules of American football to Seamus, who seemed more interested in watching his friend's wife capture the atmosphere of the cheerfulrestaurant than in the game itself.

Kristin Marie, on the other hand, was nowhere near visible, leaving only a patch of her blonde hair perceptible at the restaurant door as she basically inhaled cigarette after cigarette out of nervousness for the Schemmenti's favorite team.

Toni, on the other hand, was more than happy to take care of all the children in the place, at least for now. She was happy and smiling as she handed out one cannoli after another to all the little ones, trying her best not to get the Eagles jersey she borrowed from Kristen Marie dirty. (Theoretically, Don, the blonde's husband, was the one who lent her one of his wife's shirts with the big eagle printed on it without telling her, but no one but the two of them needed to know that.)

When for the first time in Super Bowl history, the Chiefs went to the locker room without scoring, Y/N really began to understand what she had gotten herself into.

There was so much beer. So much wine. So much Grappa.

But maybe this was a great distraction for Y/N's plan.

It wasn't anything too elaborate, but it was certainly special to her.

The following week would be Valentine's Day, and the food critic knew that it was absolutely impossible to take her girlfriend out to dinner on a night that was one of the busiest of the year for restaurants like hers. Melissa had been preparing herself and everyone who worked at Schemmenti's Cucina for over three months. Asking to ruin this for the redhead, who was so full of love for her restaurant, was just cruel.

So a plan was hatched.

Two days before Valentine's Day, after Schemmenti's Cucina closed, Y/N would show up at her beloved's restaurant with a bouquet of pink roses, the redhead's favorite, and her gift. This would give her enough time to enjoy the gift and recover for the busy day at the restaurant two days later.

But unfortunately, Y/N didn't calculate the work she would have to do herself that day. The uncles of the owner of a new restaurant contacted her as a disguised food critic to try some of the new dishes that afternoon, and the poor woman had no idea how long she will be there, and if she would have time to go to the florist who she ordered the flowers and then to get home to pick up her girlfriend's gift.

Taking the flowers to work in advance was a stupid idea, after all, what if something happened to them? She wouldn’t even plan on driving that day.

Bringing gift to work could be a good idea. It was small, light, and wouldn’t be a distraction. But if she forgot it or lost it somewhere in the city, dealing with the redhead’s wrath would be a particularly terrible way to spend the rest of the week. That is, if Melissa didn’t decide to just end her entire two-year relationship with her.

No, she couldn’t even dream of putting that at risk.

And that’s why Y/N was here, in the back of the store, looking for a place subtle enough to hide the elaborate jewelry box, but what she didn’t take into account was that her presence would be missed by the redhead.

“What’s this?” When the redhead’s voice rang out, in the small room filled with kitchen utensils, Y/N thought she would have a heart attack.

The younger woman turned to face the door faster than lightning, holding behind her back the jewelry box that she was sure her girlfriend had seen. The confused and irritated look on her face was more than enough proof.

“It’s not important. Go watch Kendrick, I'll be there in a few minutes.”, the food critic tried to tell her girlfriend, but she knew that wouldn't be effective.

“The halftime show is ending already, hon. But I think you know that. What are you keeping in there?”, the redhead tried again, now even more curious than when she entered there.

“You're going to miss the start of the game then.”, she tried once more, but it didn't work either.

“24 to 0, hon. It's not like something disastrous like that can happen in the two minutes that you show me what's in your…”

“MELISSA? You told me you were going to tell me what was going on in the game while I was smoking and here you are and… What's going on?”, Kristin Marie's voice starts off deeply irritated as she storms into the room, but softens as she sees the distance between her sister and her respective girlfriend.

“Nothing, we’re already on our way back.”, is how Y/N answers the blonde, with a voice desperate enough for the two Schimmentis in front of her to look at her, both annoyed now.

“Mel, do you have any juices for the kids? I just need to put some sleeping pills in them so I’ll be finally free and…”, Toni’s voice is heard before she even appears, but the younger Schimmenti sister’s reaction upon finding two of her sisters there is basically the same as the older blonde’s, “Oh… What are we doing?”

“My girlfriend was trying to hide a jewelry box in my restaurant and refuses to show me what’s inside.”

And it’s exactly as these words come out of the redhead’s mouth that Seamus decides to appear, with a particularly hyperactive child on his lap, who looks for the blonde mother with attentive eyes and only rests when he gently lays his head down in Kristin Marie neck's after being passed into her arms.

“It’s kind of… your Valentine’s Day present.”

The words murmured by Y/N make it seem as if a movie was being played in the Schimmentis' minds.

A family reunion.

A piece of jewelry.

A proposal.

“Oh God help me if it’s a ring… I swear I’m going to close this restaurant.”, Melissa said, now with an accusing look in Y/N’s direction, finally demanding what was once just a request, “Give it to me.”

Y/N smiled nervously amidst the watchful eyes of three of the redhead’s family members there and, with her eyes shining with contained emotion, handed the small box to the chef. Melissa just looked curiously at the velvet box, lost in memories lived there in her restaurant before carefully opening it, just to be completely speechless by the words that stared right at her, separated by a well-known eagle.

“World Champions”

That was an identical replica of the Eagles’ 2017 Super Bowl ring, shining brighter than the redhead’s green eyes.

The three diamonds representing the three postseason victories on top of the trophy. The eagle's back was set with four small green sapphires to represent the franchise's four NFL championships—in 1948, 1949, 1960, and 2017. The inside engraving being upside down to the top logo. It was just… perfect.

By the way it sparkled, Melissa could tell the quality of the work was remarkable, and before she even put it on her finger, she looked at Y/N, with tears in her eyes.

"I know you don't want to get married again, and I completely respect that. So, no engagement rings!”, she said smiling a little, now glancing at the redhead’s siblings, who were watching everything with their mouths open and in silence, before turning her attention back to the woman she loved, “But I found a store that makes particularly charming replicas of any jewelry you could ask for and I just asked for one cuz you are the most important person in my life, and I wanted to give you something that would show how much I love you and how much I value who you are and the things you love.”, Y/N said all at once, leaving no room for shame even with the gaze of the Schemmentis on her back, “You know, like the Eagles?”

And there, exchanging a soft look with her siblings that looked a lot like a silent “I told you so” that she always tells at them, and then focusing on Y/N and how nervous the younger woman seemed waiting for a reaction from the redhead, Melissa felt tears finally escape her eyes.

With shaking hands, she placed the heavy ring on her middle finger, admiring it for a moment before pulling Y/N into a tight hug.

“I love you so much,” Melissa whispered, her voice cracking. “This is… perfect. You are so perfect.”

A Super Bowl ring, of all things.

The only possible ring that wouldn’t hurt what she had set for herself for life.

The only ring that couldn’t be considered a warning, or the sound of a ticking clock.

The one that now rested heavily on her finger was the most perfect ring she could ever receive.

And Y/N gave it to her.

The two remained in each other’s arms for a long moment, before returning to the main hall and watching the entire second half of the game. The redhead, with the Eagles ring shining on her hand, watching her favorite team play brilliantly and with Y/N’s love wrapping her in a soft embrace, could only feel that she had everything she needed.

But when the Eagles were declared champions, Melissa was just on top of the world. She kissed Y/N hard, putting her hand under the Eagles jersey she had lent to her girlfriend and scratching her back while promising her the best night of her life. The redhead also jumped and hugged Kristen Marie, who squeezed her just as hard back before pushing her away. She kissed Gerald's bald forehead, an act that made Barbara laugh like never before shocked by her friend's excitement, before asking Y/N if that on the redhead's finger was what she thought it was. Seamus was just lifting three of the eight Schemmenti children, while Don lifted four more and both men jumped with them in their arms amidst their joyful screams. Toni waited for a few minutes before raising her glass of red wine and announcing a toast, which made everyone present go after their glasses and toast the Eagles' victory like Y/N had never seen before.

With the shrill sound of several messages being received on Y/N's cell phone, the memory that was flooding the culinary critic's heart and mind was replaced by confusion.

"You didn't say you would work this morning, hon.", Melissa muttered, already feeling what was the beginning of a stronger headache thanks to the horrible noise.

"That's because I'm not…", was Y/N's response to the redhead, more confused than irritated. "Can you check who it is for me?"

Without even answering, the redhead turned towards the small bedside table and… picked up the ring she had gotten from her girlfriend the night before, which was resting gently there.

Melissa placed it on her index finger, then on her ring finger… Always smiling softly at her own hand before having her attention called by Y/N.

“Please, my love? It might be important.”

And the term of endearment was what did it for Melissa.

“Oh… It’s just Don.”, was how she answered, already with her glasses on her face, before carefully reading the rest of the message, “He wants to know about the ring because he wants to give one to my sister… He also said that you made all the Schammentis spouses particularly angry with your gift to me because no one had thought of it before. Oh… lucky me to have such a beautiful and helpful girlfriend.”

“How does everyone know about the ring?”, was the first question that escaped Y/N, before realizing that it didn’t really matter, “Should I send him the information?”, she continued, now with a smile on her face and cheeks softly flushed thanks to her girlfriend’s compliment seconds ago.

“Yeah… I'm already the first one in the whole family to have one anyway…” the redhead said simply before handing the phone to her girlfriend, taking advantage of the fact that Y/N's full attention was now on the device before pulling the comforter covering them away from both of their bodies, “Oh! You should give me the number of that jeweler too, so I'll have both rings before Kristen Marie when they announce the new design!”

“Maybe… I've already taken care of that.”, I murmured softly to the redhead before focusing on her face, only to see her eyes widen along with the most beautiful smile in the world appear on her lips, proving that the deal she made with the jeweler in case the Eagles won on Sunday was worth it, “You see, for a woman who didn't want any rings you're way too excited to have two.”

Before responding to Y/N's accusation, Melissa lifted the shirt that was on her girlfriend's body until her panties, the skin of her belly, and her breasts were exposed to her.

“It’s not just any ring, Y/N!” she said with a frown before smiling and gently placing her hand on Y/N’s belly, quickly sending shivers down her girlfriend’s skin at how cold the ring in question was, before continuing and finally pulling her in for a kiss again, “You gave me THE ring!”

[luzyuvu]

Thinking about Anaxa.

First time writing in a long time! Also I did this because I couldn't sleep, tell me if is trash, thank you and maybe should I do a part 2?

------------------------

Everyone knows how Anaxa is. Logical, calculative, rational.

Just even thinking about it is redundant. Extremely. Maybe to an offensive extent. And you know it, he knows you do, and even if you didn't he would still treat you like anybody else. Because you are. A random girl that somehow and some way got involved with the Chrysos heirs, by mere chance, luck, or like you like to call it, destiny.

One thing let to another and you two regularly talk, mostly because of how people use you as a messenger when it comes to tell things to Anaxa. You are easy going, quiet, and don't get offended easily. Or at least, you don't seem to show it when it comes to him. Silently dealing with his judging gazes and all the list of reasons why people don't like him in the first place.

You don't mind. Well, maybe you do. It's not like you liked having to deal with someone like him, but you felt bad for the people who asked you to talk with him for them, so you would do them the favor.

After so many times and talks, you tried to get closer. Key word, tried, but it always ends with uncomfortable silences, cold words, emotionless or in best case, judgmental gazes... It's not like you didn't try, you did. Kind words, patience, even trying to crack a joke, but after you tried the latter a few times, only to receive the most awkward silence you ever had, you gave up. It's not like you wanted to, but you weren't dumb. You can't beg someone to befriend you, you just can't. That's why, if Anaxa doesn't like you, you won't push it any further. There's more people in the world, after all.

Anaxa didn't think much about, too focused on his own research and problems. Something someone like you couldn't understand, so he thought.

You don't know how much you treasure something until you lose it, typical, so typical he wants to puke.

He doesn't mind when you start to slowly make more distance, somehow even more than there already was, he tells himself. He curses the humanity on his heart, and he also curses the destiny for making him feel this way.

It's so cliche, so, so cliche it feels disgusting. Is this the karma for all the times he dissmised this kind of behavior? For how brutally he rejected this part of himself and everybody else? He doesn't believe in karma, but this is what comes to his mind right now.

He doesn't understand why he feels this way, and the more he thinks about it, the more reasons pop up of why he does feel this way. Much to his disgust.

Was the way you looked at him? With so much patience and kindness even with his sharp tone and glares?

Maybe how much he got used to you after seeing you over and over for such a long time? The possibilities are endless, and the more he finds, the more he gets angry at himself.

Soon enough, his mind start to wonder, and he thinks of the endless ways he could lose you.

You are a hopeless romantic, he knows it, it's probably one if the first things he noticed. How you daydream about finding the perfect husband, about a romance out of the most cheesiest fairytales that could ever be made, how you fell in love with this fictional characters, dreaming about how happy would you be with them, about finding your knight in shining armor, how you seem to have a new crush every now and then...

It makes him feel sick. Because as soon as he thinks about it, his mind starts to wander.

Aglaea is out of the list of people you would date. She is your idol, your goddess. The way you look at her reminds him of a young child looking at their hero, their patents. With so much admiration and care, as if they were the most perfect and incredible person in the world.

You had looked at him with admiration in your eyes, but it never matched the way you did when it came to her. And it makes his fists clench.

Castorice is out too, she is your best friend, your sworn sister. So much, people often find themselves mistaking you for real sisters. Even when you don't share blood or the same physical features like biological ones do, the bond you have and the way you know each other is undeniable. You even sew, with Aglaea's help, clothes and another accessories to match her in special occasions, or maybe when you feel like. You even have a matching bracelet that you never take off. The only day you lost it, he never saw you sadder, and when you found it, he never saw you happier.

He is not as special as Castorice is to you, not even remotely, will he ever be?

Phainon... He is a particular case. He is kind and the perfect man, in the eyes of the people. The man of your dreams. Only thinking it makes him sick. But he has a lot secrets behind his kind and charming smile. Things no one knows, hiding his own loneliness and revenge. He doesn't think Phainon has in mind love and relationships right now, or if he is willing to expose the secrets he so much dearly keeps to himself.

Anaxa feels relief.

But then... Mydei. He is probably the one you'd least be into a relationship... at first glance. He doesn't have the most approachable personality, and is in general more grumpy and angry than Anaxa. But, he has something Anaxa doesn't, a softer side that can be seen if you reed between the lines and pay enough attention. Something Anaxagoras never showed you, something your sharp eye could notice, and you definitely did.

That's why you were closer to Mydei than you were with him. You are not best friends like you are with Castorice, don't see him as a god like you did with Aglaea, nor appreciate him the way you do with Phainon, but you are in good terms. Anaxa also knows that his softer side defenetly gained a special spot in your heart.

He also noticed the sneaky glances, according to you, that you couldn't help but give Mydei. Sometimes to his chest, others to his arms and others to his back. You were at least a little attracted to him, it was obvious. But now is when Anaxa cares.

You were also aware that he trained kids, and that he had a sweet tooth, it makes you more drawn to him that you ever were to Anaxa, and now, he never felt more jealous.

As he thought about it, his mind started to think more and more about you and Mydei.

It would certainly be difficult and a slow burn but, what if Mydei developed feelings for you? What if you also had a crush on him? The scenario starts to develop.

Out of the two of you, Mydei would h ave to do the first move, you are shy, and probably wouldn't notice Mydei's affection. In this hypothetical case, unless Mydei properly decided to court you. Then, it would be over.

He can see it so clearly, the two of you, slowly getting closer and closer. How even with Mydei's straightforward nature, he would definitely conquer your heart, like he did many battles. How he could hold your smaller frame so easily, how you would burry your face in the chest you already like so much, hearing his heartbeat, looking for comfort in his warmth. How even if he is a warrior, he would hold you with such tenderness, look at you with so much passion. His love would definitely out burn the sun, and consume you until yours burn as bright as his.

You would be his queen, and him, your king and world.

He doesn't know what love is, but he knows what it's heartbreak.

He thinks of another possibility, and then, his thoughts go back to Phainon.

If you somehow got Phainon to open up, and he decided to be genuine with you... As he thinks about it, Anaxa notices, if thinking about you and Mydei was a slow torture, like a knife in his stomach, slowly sinking in and twisting as he gets more and more immersed, then, thinking about you and Phainon it's like and entire mountain fell over him.

The thought disgusts him.

At least, Mydei is kind of like him, and the possibilities of him falling in love with you and actually doing something are low, so low it makes Anaxa feel better, but if Phainon were to do so... By the time Anaxa tried to reach you, you'd already be in Phainon's arms, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears and kissing in a way only in dreams could ever happen.

He is helpless.

Phainon is perfect, so perfect it's insulting. He got everything, the appearance, the personality... All Anaxa doesn't have, all that you love and ever could dream of. He is a knight in shining armor, a prince, a golden retriever kind of guy, he can't compare.

You'd be so perfect for each other, like a match made in heaven. You are so sweet, so caring, yet with a little twist of sassynes and dark humor. If you ended together, he knows people would think how lucky you would be for being with Phainon, Okhema's hero. But all Anaxa can think is how lucky Phainon would be for being the one who has you, and it offends him how people wouldn't see it, even if it's in front of their faces.

He can even picture a wedding, how beautiful you'd be, in a dress made by Aglaea herself, with Castorice as your maid of honor and Tribios giving you your rings.

He wouldn't even bother to attend it, as much as he doesn't even bother to imagine how Phainon would propose you, it would be as disgustingly sweet as this what if wedding he is imaging right now. And if somehow someone, Aglaea, got him to go to the wedding, he would be sitting in the very end, watching with a gaze that could kill, never leaving Phainon's frame.

He wishes his mind stopped there, but he imagined how he could lose you to every one else and every single person in Okhema, because love is a war where everyone is your enemy.

-------

Phainon noticed how someone was watching him, it was not like the usual gazes he receives when he is walking around or saving someone. No. This one is deadly, and sinister in a way that makes his whole body shiver. He wonders if he did anything to get Anaxa so angry, he never saw him this way, not even with the people he despises. But he chooses to ignore it, even when your happy face can't eliminate completely the hole that Anaxa's eye is leaving on the back of his head.

-------

Mydei has to resist the urge to comfort Anaxa right there and then. It's getting annoying, but he knows you don't like fights and that you'd rather not have to interact with Anaxa if not needed, at least recently. He respects your decision, not asking why or if anything happened between you two. Instead, he just rolls his eyes and enjoys the sweets you baked. It was a new recipe you were trying and you thought he was a good test subject, it's not like he was going to die or get sick if it was bad anyway.

--------

Aglaea is aware of the way Anaxa is behaving, it's painfully obvious, at least for someone with the Titan of romance's coreflame. Besides, the others already told her that Anaxa was acting weird and his sharp gazes were more deadly than usual, specially since you started recently to avoid favors to talk to him in behalf of other people.

Maybe he could use a little of help to conquer his beloved, even if he wouldn't admit it.

-------

Anaxa is not having it.

It's not like he is surprised that Aglaea herself noticed, he would actually be surprised if she didn't. But at the same time, he doesn't like when people get into his business, especially as personal as... Whatever is this.

He reluctantly listens to her, he still hates the idea of help or even recognize his problem, even in his mind, but he can't help to be slightly curious. He curses his curiosity.

Aglaea really cares about you, more than he thought. It kind of annoys him. She cares so much, that knowing your dream is to get married and have a family, besides your own carrier, of course, she personally would help out into getting the relationship you so much desire.

You are so shy and coward, and also, so oblivious, most people would give up trying to court you. And that gives him relief. A part of himself wants you to stay single for him. And realizing this makes him want to shoot himself with his gun. If he doesn't have you, it's fine, as long as no one else does.

He is possessive, he is jealous and selfish. You don't want a lover to own you, you want one to take care of you and cherish you. It makes him feel guilty of his own feelings, he notices. He feels stupid, he doesn't know if it's because of having the feeling in the first place, or because how much he cares about you in this moment.

Love is stupid.

He just admitted he loves you for the first time.

He never felt dummer.

At half of Aglaea's speech his mind starts to wander again.

In the hypothetical case you could fall in love with Aglaea and she was also in love with you, he doesn't know if it would be worse than trying to fight with Phainon for your affection.

She is mature, elegant and romantic, she has the coreflame of romance for a reason. He imagines, she would make you fell in love with her in such a perfect way, it would be slow, caring and breathtaking, such as herself. He stops himself halfway through, thinking of how superior she would be compared to him in terms of courting you it's humiliating and it feels pathetic.

And she notices his jealousy and tries to talk about it.

Even Castorice crosses his mind as they speak, and thinking of how pure your love for each other already is without being it romantic makes it even worse thinking how much you'd love each other if you were lovers.

So, he decides to indulge Aglaea. Because he wants to love you, and make you love him. And if for that he has to change and follow Aglaea's guidance to gain your heart so it be.

Even though he cringes a little of how cheesy it sounded on his head.

[lady-mole]

Alright, everyone ! As I initially planed, I am gonna tell you more about my love story with Lord Mole for Valentines day ! :3🩷

Okay, first of all, I started to fall in love with Lord Mole on July 2022, I even had a dream about him, and we were dating ! :o

Anyway, we were best friends at the time (he even told me his "darkest" secret), and we were spending a lot of time together in Strangetown ! :3

Unfortunately, I had quite a hard time realizing and accepting my romantic feelings for him, which is the reason why we only got married on November 28th 2024 ! x3🩷

So, what happened during more than two years ? I desperately searched for another f/o to marry. I really wanted to settle down and to have a fictional husband to stay by my side forever. But, since forever sounds like a pretty long time, I wanted to find THE "perfect profile".

Of course, I didn't work. The characters that got me interested were "too pretty for me" or "too complicated to live with", anyway, I was always finding some excuse, and at some point, I even felt like I simply wasn't made for married life, or for love ! xc

Except when I was with Lord Mole... During these two years, I occasionaly thought of him, and we even had a few dates together at Strangetown's saloon ! x3🩷

We grew even closer than before and, at some point, I just thought to myself : "no fictional character could ever make me feel the way Lord Mole does..."

I just couldn't entirely stop thinking of him and he was always the one to comfort me and to make me feel loved. 💕

Why did I fall in love with him, of all people from literally every other universe ?

Well, first of all, he is beautiful to my eyes, and I am not afraid to say it anymore ! x3🩷 (Even if I still have a hard time drawing his perfect body, damnit ! xC)

Then, his presence just makes me feel safe and home, I still can't really explain why, though...

How much do I love him ? Oh, you have no idea, he literally made me realize I am a woman, after all this time feeling like some kind of weird creature who can't even love properly... 💕

Anyway, more than two years later, I finally accepted the fact that, dang, he is the one I want to marry, and I confessed my feelings to him ! 🩷

We became a couple on September 28th 2024, and two months later, on my 24th birthday, we finally got married ! 💕💕💕

If my life was a TV Show, the audience would have probably been jumping with excitment, yelling "FINALLY SHE UNDERSTOOD THEY ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER !!!!!!!!! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SINCE SEASON 1 !!!!! #Lordlady is finally canon !!! #Royal Fit forever !!!! #IF THE WORLD WAS ENDING !!!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉"

Anyway, soon after that, since I was finally married with my f/o, I wanted people to know it, so I create this selfship blog, and even if I was VERY, VERY nervous at first, I am so glad I met you guys, you are awesome and you made me realize how important my love story truly is, I also love to read about your f/os and your drawings are totally amazing (ooh ! I love your moodboards too !) :3🩷🩷🩷

I wish you the best with your f/os ! After all, you do deserve the best ! :3🩷🩷🩷

Happy Valentines Day everyone ! 🩷🩷🩷

🫶🫶🫶

Tag list :

@fictodreamer @vergils-beloved @fl0ralsxgar @zoroscanonhusband @arsene-fixates @cosmoproductions @xx-evilestyuri-xx @silver-heller @paulisperpostridie @milkmallow28 @eating-plastic @deepwatersiren @jpeg-indulgence @mr12xu @ryez-loveyz @ardhoniel-evenstar-fics

[viridescentelf]

Yandere elf x reader - Valentine’s Day

happy valentine‘s day y‘all 👽

Silas Character and Art belongs to @meo-eiru pls go to her and tell she‘s the queen of yandere

since so many peeps asked for more Silas smut, here‘s him „cleaning“ you. Don‘t know how lore accurate this is so pls forgive me if i missed something! i also didn‘t really proof-read so oops 😶‍🌫️

Warnings: 18+, dubcon, noncon, oral sex, general nsfw

—————

His long tongue lapped up your sweet and sour juices. You squirmed, both from the explosive pleasuring scale and his firm grip on your wrists.

You had been telling him about the concept of Valentine‘s Day (some true and untrue things because you could), as he thought it was only humans named Valentine that could celebrate their love on this manufactured holiday. Understanding that it meant showing love to anyone you feel deeply towards - even mothers - Silas hurried to remedy his misunderstanding.

You had never seen the elf change that quickly before. He had adorned some kind of elven festive garb and placed several beautiful flowers in his own and your hair (you watched him from the window scurry around the garden to find them), weaving the stems neatly (and fast) into your strands.

He then asked what humans traditionally did on Valentine‘s Day. You mentioned flowers, chocolates and date nights - trying to skirt around the topic of sex - by using the word „cuddling“. It was something you didn‘t really mind with him, he was extremely cozy to lean into, his soft muscles giving ample cushioning, even if he didn‘t let go of you unless you needed to pee.

Your eyes had followed Silas running into the kitchen and frantically throwing ingredients together to make pralines and chocolates. The house smelled amazing. He hectically returned to the living room where you were reading, chocolate smeared all over his dopy face, to ask if you preferred strawberry or raspberry. You had only gotten to „rasp-„ before he quickly turned to finish his craft.

You had thought this wasn‘t half bad. It was really entertaining watching him cook, bake and decorate with the speed of a doom‘s day dad preparing for the end of the world.

A few hours had passed. Silas had picked you up from the couch and carried you quickly to the dinner table, where he had lit so many candle that you had to blink rapidly through the blinding light. The chocolates were all individually wrapped and adorned with sweet messages. The food he cooked looked amazing, but it was frankly hard to see all of the details through the flickering little fires. Silas placed you on his lap and fed you everything, beyond your stomach‘s ability and despite you saying that you were full.

Feeling woozy from the excess food, you lay catatonic in his arms as every squeeze within the cuddle session made you even more nauseous.

„My darling! I love you I love you I love you I love you!“

He peppered kisses on you as you tried to focus on not throwing up. His kisses helped, whatever was in his weird saliva simultaneously healed you while you knew he was trying to prepare you for what he wanted next.

He hadn‘t cleaned you yet. You had tried to distract him with various other Valentine‘s Day traditions (some of which you made up, like how the greatest act of love is having to do an interpretive dance outside with twigs in your mouth which you watched with absolute glee), but he never missed this part of the day regardless of how hard you tried to get him off schedule. He was relentless that way.

You were still too full to move. He knew this.

Laying you out on the bed, you watched him remove your trousers and underwear. The ravenous glare in his eye always threw you off, every time. It was so menacing and filled with what felt like eons of pent up desire that it shut you up instantly.

His green eyes shimmered as he saw you leaking already, ready for him because of his aphrodisiac sputum and whatever else he added to your meal and chocolates.

He never really told you what he gave you.

What would it matter? You couldn‘t stop him anyway.

Silas‘s head lowered and you instinctively raised your arms to try to push his head away. He grabbed them so fast and held them down onto the soft mattress, that your arms sank deeper into the cushioning.

„There, there…let mama clean you up…“

His grip didn‘t hurt, but it was like cement blocks lying on top of your hands. There was no way you could get them out.

He kissed you. Your body squirmed slowly in response, because it just felt so marvelous. The tongue wreathed out of his smiling lips and traced you, mapping out its course. Your back arched expectingly, but he took his time, breathing his temperate air onto you - warning of the incoming impact.

Silas’ long tongue punched into you and you let out a deep rooted moan you had never heard yourself make before. It snaked through your walls like the invader it was and you felt his hands shake with his own pleasure.

He lapped everything up, your water flooding out of you uncontrollably without a stop in sight.

His mouth wrapped around you and sucked gently, every pop from the release making your spine curl even further. The stinging tingling clenching fiercely and surrounding your entire lower body, every lick, kiss and suction pushing your further.

You climaxed many times, from the penetration and from his feverish licking, every new flick causing your hips to convulse furiously.

He was saying something, but you couldn‘t hear with dark moans escaping your throat. He quickly returned to his task, letting you grow weaker with every orgasm.

You knew hours passed, because the light from the window was dimming. He had feasted on you for so long that the mattress was soaked.

Finally letting up, happy with his cleaning job, he pulled you up into a seated position while his growth pointed like a dagger at your face, his tall stature looming over you.

He huffed, as his giant hand caressed your cheek. Your exhausted eyes stared up at him.

„M-milking time darling…“

[gears-twisting-and-turning]

hi yes hello, would i mayhaps ask for some old pearl x reader thingies? No sweat if not!!

I know who you are. Since I know this anon because I read him like a fucking book, I know this is asking for friends to lovers headcanons with og Pearl :] <3 enjoy breadsticks

---

The two of you had been friends for a very long time, longer than Pearl was in the yard for! The two of you trained together in school when you were just starting out!

Little did Pearl know that she already found her dream train back then. She just started dreaming about a steam train and obsessing over the dream to have one whistle at her so sweetly

Meanwhile you were kind of standing in the background like I’m right here- (yes this can be seen if you’re a non engine too, because I say so)

Either way when Pearl moved over to the other yard the two of you hadn’t seen each other for a while. That was until you got transferred to the same yard! Yay you two could hang out again

This was the time you got to hear about Rusty though and any lingering hopes of getting together kind of evaporated just like that. She was so sweet with the engine and you didn’t think you would be able to take her happiness away from her

However Pearl felt like she was stuck in another dilemma. First it was Rusty and Electra, later ever Greaseball. Now it was between you and Rusty

She told the coaches about her feelings and Dinah in a hurry to make sure she didn’t make the same mistake. She kind of sat her down and was like “Girl why can’t you have both? Ask Rusty if he would be open to sharing you with your little friend.” 

Kind of opened up a whole new world to Pearl not going to lie-

Pearl went over and asked Rusty who just responded with “Anything to make you happy, I’m not the most jealous guy you’re going to find.” With a sheepish smile and love and adoration in his eyes for her

Later she found you and sat down having a long conversation about sexuality and relationships. You had no idea why she came up to you and asked all of these deep rooted questions (Because you’re oblivious)

That’s when she confessed and told you that Rusty would be okay with the two of you sharing her. She felt greedy, but after seeing your smile and rapid nodding she knew that she couldn’t be if it made you so happy

It’s a very cute get together story that people are now sick of hearing for the millionth time. Please get help for the poor coaches who have to hear that story every time something romantic gets brought up (Biggest sufferers are Buffy and Ashley since they also have to deal with Dinah’s thing with Greaseball)

[icecoldbeauty]

Well that just makes the scene even more confusing, don't it? Almost feel bad for the boy, must've been so confused, I know I'd have been! And I agree, really. The world could use a little more happiness in it as a whole, it feels so dreary these days, like less people are smiling than they used to. Unfortunately business people like that do make it a challenge sometimes! That's pretty much why I quit the League. All of that draining and soulless business work wore on me so much harder when professional battling was already beginning to stop feeling fulfilling. Day in and day out- spend all of it battling, and when not doing that, put up with all the business nonsense instead. I'd already spent roughly two decades doing that- couldn't let the rest of my life be wasted that way too when there was more I wanted to do, and I was only going to be young for so much longer. So I up and left. I think it would've been even more soul crushing and harder to leave if I ever had gone for champion, so I'm glad I didn't. Really, more people should stop and think it through a little harder before that kind of a decision. It's not the all that and then some that society will try and make it seem- especially to women. You've no idea how annoying it is telling people about that decision and then them trying to convince you to reconsider, or saying you'll change your mind someday, or acting as if you're wrong and lesser for it. I've long since stopped talking to all the people that ever acted that way toward me about it and haven't felt a twinge of regret, change my mind once, or felt less of a woman for it, so goes to show what they know. I don't think you should worry too hard about it, though. You're still young, you'll have plenty of time down the road before you need to sit down and think over this kind of thing and make that decision. Got a lot of life ahead of you, you shouldn't rush it that much! Enjoying your youth is important, Arc knows I wish I hadn't wasted as much of mine as I did. And of course, correct that guess would be! I've only ever trained one Pokemon that isn't Ice-type, but I'm convinced that only a crazy person would say no to a goofy little Slowpoke crawling up to you wanting to be your friend. I never quite got around to visiting Galar- I'd have loved to meet Melony. I've made friends with just about every Ice-specialist on my travels! Suppose maybe someday still, I'm not totally decrepit yet after all! Galar's one of the only regions I've heard of without an Elite Four, which I do find somewhat fascinating. A lot of the champions workload beyond battle would rather frequently get shared between us, pretty much anything that it wasn't crucial he specifically tended to. Since we were also very prominent figures for the region I suppose it made sense to have us help out. Stressful just imagining having to take on the full amount of that solo instead of just helping with parts of it sometimes...

Oh yeah wait you're too old to know what inkay games is my bad

Oh, please, I’m only twenty-three.

[ he’s not old. don’t make that mistake again. ]

—💎

[jasminetwil]

STICKERS ARE HERE (<- link)

✨️Scrunkly baby✨️

I think Dogpool (AKA Mary Puppins, AKA Peggy!) stole everyone's hearts in the cinema. She definitely ran away with mine so I had to draw her! 🐶

Deadpool and Wolverine was such a fun movie. Genuinely have not had such a serotonin boost like that in a very long time. 💖

[ruvviks]

PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC.

Vincent spends all his life searching for himself, searching for his spot in the world. He lives in the past and what will never be, longing for everything he has missed out on and everything he will never have. It is not until he learns he is dying that he comes to realize he has to live in the present, to enjoy life as it comes.; and despite his confusion, fear, and his regrets, he tries to live the rest of his life to the fullest, knowing very well he is living on borrowed time. OC WEB WEAVE SERIES: VINCENT "V" MAYER.

charles bukowski, pulp // by wiissa0 // loneliness for love; lovelytheband // louise glück, from 'unpainted door' // by biryuza // summer farah, i could die today and live again // tobia photographed by su yang // wake up; run river north // ruhlare // by julykings // lemonade; twin xl // ryan walker photographed by ryan pfluger // mary oliver, from 'marengo' // still not dead; dreamers // by lovelyopalite // by geloy concepcion // lemon drop; raynes // chris abani, ritual is journey // 'die milchstrasse', cover detail // louise glück, averno // i like cars; caroline kole // by cruellesummer // frances molina, o’death

[corvidares]

Wanna chime in with my experience!

I've been on low dose T for about uuh 10 months now? Specifically the gel kind, which I'm told to rub on my shoulders/upper arms/upper chest.

i went to my local planned parenthood to get the process started and it was honestly really easy. i did a consultation, asked a bunch of questions, decided i needed some time to think. and then i made an appointment to get it actually prescribed, as well as get a blood draw. my insurance is pretty good so the only thing i had to pay for at any point is a small copay when i get refills

they do additional blood draws every 3 months to monitor my levels

like op said, mileage varies a LOT depending on the person, genetics, dosage, etc

the first thing that happened to me was that i got about ten times greasier LOL. so lots more acne on my usual spots (face, shoulders). also had an awful bout of ass acne around the same time i started sprouting random little dark hairs on my arms - these increased slowly over time and are concentrated entirely where i apply the gel. i also got a bit more of a happy trail but otherwise am not hairier anywhere else (yet) i might be somewhat sweatier, im not sure, but i definitely have greasier hair. i used to be fine going a day or two without showering but i 100% have to shower every day now also one of my crushes says i have "boy smell" and im not entirely sure what that means but she likes it so :]

i dont remember exactly, it was probably about 3 months in that i started feeling bottom growth. it definitely feels kinda weird and sometimes uncomfortable but tbh for as much as people talk about it, its not that bad. it just pops up randomly where i feel SUPER hyper sensitive for a bit and then it goes away just as quickly. i had to sleep a few nights buck naked cuz i couldnt get comfortable with my boxers on

my libido also DEFINITELY increased a few months in. and its been pretty consistently high since. im horny like at least one time MOST DAYS. granted i already had decent libido but yeah, phew, sometimes you will feel insatiable even if you do get off. i was never particularly into my dick being touched before but now its very very sensitive (and of course noticeably bigger) you can see (if youre naked) and feel a boner and its so fucking awesome. orgasm kinda feels different also. some people experience a complete change but for me i think its more subtle. i also cum a LOT more easily also you gotta wash your dick now!!!!! no one talks about this lmao but once you have bottom growth you have to start specifically cleaning it and getting under the foreskin to do so. (with hot water only of course) its terribly uncomfortable cuz touching it like that when youre not turned on sucks

my voice hasnt changed yet but i HAVE noticed in the last month or two some tightening in the back of my throat which friends have told is my vocal chords changing.

admittedly there was a point where i felt a little more easily frustrated by stuff but it didnt last long. in other words youre not gonna turn into an angry violent freak or whatever it is bigots will say

thats everything im pretty sure! fwiw i went into this wanting two things: t dick and voice deepening. dealing with the other stuff has been annoying but so incredibly worth it. i will probably go off either A) when my voice reaches a place i like or B) when the hair growth gets to be too much for my personal liking i love love love talking about it so anyone is free to ask me more questions as long as you're respectful!!!!

Heyy, butch genderqueer dyke here who has been contemplating going on T for a long time, I'm just not really sure about where to get started or what to expect? As another anon mentioned, i didn't know tdicks could be a thing! Im just really curious about the kinds of things to expect or what i need to maybe look into? Any info helps, im asking here to get some pointers from someone actually on T and experiencing the changes (who also wont try to sugarcoat it to me lol) Thanks for your time ❤️

There were a couple of you who asked about what its like going on low dose T.

So~

In general all the effects happen slower and less than a full dose of T. A lot of it is genetics dependent as well.

All of these effects can vary depending on you so don't take these as gospel:

First noticeable change will be bottom growth. It can be uncomfortable/ overly sensitive when its growing but its awesome and getting boners rules.

It will be easier for you to get horny/turned on. Visual stimuli will be way more likely to get you horny.

You might turn into a faucet. Ill be honest there are some days where I've had to change my underwear like 3 times because they were soaked through. (im talking about discharge not piss before anyone asks)

Youll also sweat more/be muskier.

The hair on your thighs will get darker and thicken starting on your inner thighs.

Youll get a happy trail and hair around your nipples as well.

Youll break out as your body gets used to the higher levels of T in your system. Probably on your chest and back in addition to your face at first.

Youll grow a baby T stache (darker longer hair on your upper lip) + some stray hairs on your chin/face. (easy to use a dermal razor/ tweezers to get rid of these)

Personally T has improved my mental health spectacularly and not even in a 'i was dysphoric' type of way just straight up i can shut down anxious thought patterns instantly where as before I would have been battling myself silently all day.

Also on low dose your voice wont really deepen much if at all.

Feel free to add your own experiences on low dose T~

[qoldenskies]

FIRST DRAFT DEFEATED!!! its 54k words currently

[celepeace]

it's really hard to come to terms with but i think i just have to accept that i can't do the good work right now. and the people who are, are doing it for people like me

[galacticlamps]

in the club bathroom straightup pondering it. and by "it" haha well let's just say, 'whether or not i should attempt to finish & share a fic i've been working on for nearly a year now'