#also i feel it could reflected 'what is is what must be' as the rabbit saying goes ...

[hisfluer]

as above, so below. as it was, as it is, as it will be.

[menlove]

can you direct me to any good fics set in the hamburg days or just anything pre-beatlemania?

oooh yeah ! i loooove hamburg & early days fics so certainly :) i didn't include any paris fics in this even though it technically fits the bill of pre-beatlemania just bc that's a totally different vibe & genre of fics tbh

hamburg:

I Need My Love to Be Here

explicit. 8k. After John gets his first panic attack in Hamburg, he starts to realize that Paul might be the only person who can bring him back to himself.

Put My Heart Around the Bend

explicit. 60k. He nodded and they sat across from each other on the window sill, the clammy air from outside kissing their cheeks. John watched Paul as he lit their cigarettes, as he had done so many times before. They held eye contact, and John just knew Paul could hear how hard his heart was beating. But he wouldn't say anything. Neither of them ever said anything.

Like Love, The Archers Are Blind

explicit. 22k. He wants to push Stuart out of the way, not even with a violent yank of his collar like he sometimes imagines. Just to melt into his place like butter sliding in a pan. Have it be an effortless breath of fresh air when John looks up at him and sees it all reflected back in his eyes. It’s you. Hamburg, 1960.

Running with Scissors

explicit. bluewater9: Hannah, a smutlet idea… So just what happened AFTER John cut the clothes off that girl in Hamburg? What a conversation and, ahem, J/P consequence that must have been!

No More Situations

explicit. 14k. Set during the Hamburg years. John gets jealous of a German guy who likes Paul.

Everything's Different in Germany

explicit. 4.5k. It all feels upside down, like the door to that shop was an entrance to some parallel universe or Wonderland-like rabbit hole. He isn’t hiding under the covers with a flashlight in one hand, his throbbing cock in the other, and some meticulously-posed bird’s chest spilling over the pages and onto his lap. Instead he’s in some Hamburg back alley, the concrete chilly beneath his bum and his best mate warm by his side, while he gazes over naked men and pretends not to feel the unexpected interest in his trousers.

ageless children, animal sweat

mature. 5k.

Paul is sitting close enough to see properly, one elbow on the bartop, hand tucked beneath his chin. His eyes are beetle black and his long spidery eyelashes are twitching under the harsh club lights. It makes John sort of sick to look at him. Pale face in stark chiaroscuro, gleaming with animal sweat, Paul looks otherworldly, like something neither man nor woman. Hamburg, 1960. John and Paul go to a gay bar after a late show.

general early days:

Above Us Only Sky

teen. 1k. Nowhere to go but up.

Some Girls Will Make You Shiver

explicit. 4k. “How d’you suppose,” John said, in his normal John-voice, “how’d you think two girls go at it?”

On The Way To Work

explicit. 14k. How could Paul have so many dreams and one of them not come true? Paul and John, Hamburg and Liverpool, December 1960.

two of us (burning matches)

explicit. 6k. It won't stop raining. Paul doesn't know what his feelings are doing. John's practising his right swing. Somewhere along the way, they fuse together.

The Drainies

mature. 11k. Written for the prompt: John bullies Paul into wearing tight drainies and the result awakens something in both of them (Can also include some John vs Jim stuff since Jim didn’t approve of Paul wearing tight clothes).

Boy, You've Been A Naughty Girl

explicit. 49k. John makes Paul a bet. Paul takes him up on it. Crossdressing shenanigans and angst ensue, and ~feelings come out in the wash. 1961.

now and then (there's a fool such as i)

mature. 30k. users only. John and Paul on their trip to Caversham, Berkshire. April, 1960.

christmas lights (keep shinin' on)

mature. 12k. (prompt: paul takes john to the family christmas party in 1958) "I'd have you," Paul said, eventually, and John felt the air being knocked out of him. "If it was different. If we were different."

Come And Go With Me

mature. 94k. When two oblivious teenage boys meet for the very first time in the summer of 1957, a transcending bond to be passed on through decades to come makes its initial formation; a sanctuary, a home, a secret, a storm, a song, and a love to surpass the regular circumstances of time itself; it all starts in a city called Liverpool - but where will it take them from there?

also not to be that person but i WILL also whore out the first part of the series i'm writing w @forthlin here that's early days/getting together: i want you (every time that you're near)

[greenreticule]

Revisiting Jurassic Park and have this time around fallen down the dinot3 rabbit hole.

I already interpret Alan and Ellie as t4t and feel like their interactions with Ian reflect that pretty well:

"...Furthermore! both Ellie and Alan’s interactions with Ian take on a whole new flavor through the trans lens. The flirtations of this cis man could be gender affirmation for Ellie and a threat to Alan’s own sense of his masculinity. It also adds a layer to Alan’s protectiveness of Ellie in regards to Ian. this movie takes place in a time period where Alan and Ellie would have to be very careful about passing. Where Ian would land on trans acceptance is an unknown to Alan and Ellie in the first movie." - my spiel about how Ellie and especially Alan map onto a trans experience

But in this recent revisit of the movie, I've noticed that Ellie not only invites Ian's attention to her, but also invites Alan to join. Ian is caressing her hand, and Ellie goes, "Alan, come look at this."

I also noticed how quickly Ian threw in with them to break the ride so Ellie and Alan could look at the dinosaur eggs. He's the one who suggests they all work together, and it's a pretty cute moment.

And sure, Ian's attentions are primarily towards Ellie, but like Alan and Ellie needing to be careful about being out as trans, Ian would need to be careful about being out as bisexual. So all overt passes are made only at the woman, but there's a few moments where he like dangles a line of affirmation towards Alan, checking for interest.

Like for instance the line, "The Tyrannosaur doesn't obey set patterns or park schedules. The essence of chaos," is said towards Alan. Which I'm sure was written to be like "Ian Malcolm must mention chaos every 30 minutes," but through the shipping goggles, could be seen as Ian actively trying to re-engage with Alan's own "T-rex doesn't want to be fed, he wants to hunt. You can't suppress 65 million years of gut instinct."

But Alan, being the prickly fella he is, doesn't engage back.... which then leads to the conversation where Ian caresses Ellie's hand and Ellie tries to get Alan to join them.

What I'm saying is.... Ellie picked up on the vibes that Ian was throwing at both of them and was actively trying to make a queer polycule happen on a billionaire's time.

[ihavemanyhusbands]

ABSOLUTION — A DRABBLE

Also on AO3

Pairing: Father Paul/Monsignor Pruitt x Fem!Reader

Summary: absolution usually follows a confession, doesn’t it? But repentance has to come first.

WC: 1.4k words

Warnings: SMUT!!! MINORS DNI this fic is 18+, dead dove (do not eat!), hierophilia, vampirism, consensual blood drinking, oral (m receiving), orgasm denial/edging, corruption, dom/sub dynamics kinda, umm blasphemy?, some religious imagery, oh he’s kinda mean in this one (and i love it), ummm i think thats it but lmk if anything else hehe

———

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned…”

Your voice was soft and honey sweet, a mockery of piousness. Your hands clasped in front of you in supplication, but it was not for absolution. And no, he also did not buy the demureness of your lowered lashes, nor the downward tilt of your chin.

But he could not lie and say he did not enjoy the sight of you on your knees in front of him. He would take the time to kiss them — rubbed raw from the hardwood floor of his bedroom — later, after he’d heard your confession and cleansed you of all sin.

“It has been… a rather long time since my last confession.” A pink tongue moistening your lips. “Or at least it feels that way.”

He clicked his tongue, not hiding his disapproval. You merely glanced up from under your lashes, still the picture of humble obedience. He let out a sound that almost sounded like a scoff.

“Go on,” he said.

You shifted a little, feeling the familiar ache in your legs begin to form. His dark eyes trailed lower, to the golden cross that hung from your neck — the one he had given you.

“I have been impure in mind and body, tormented by unbecoming thoughts…”

“What sort of unbecoming thoughts?” He cut in. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t dare say them out loud, Father.”

Again, a derisive snort. “But you would act on them instead?”

“I have, yes.” You nodded. “And I fear I will again.”

“You fear, hmm?” He hummed in thought, tapping his fingers against the chair’s armrest. “Go on, what else?”

You swallowed hard, exhaling a shuddery breath. “I have been lustful a-and gluttonous. I-I have corrupted myself and another…”

“Yes, you certainly have,” he said, leaning forward. “You’ve been quite the naughty girl.”

“But I am very, very sorry for these and all my sins,” you said, tilting your face up to look at him, pouting slightly to show remorse. 

But he could clearly see the truth in your eyes, which burned like the flames of eternal damnation. He couldn’t help a chuckle, smiling with teeth that were all too sharp. Teeth that you desperately wanted to sink into your soft, pliant flesh, so he may have his fill of you.

“I don’t believe you,” he said, grasping your chin and pushing down your bottom lip with his thumb. “Lying is a sin too, but you already knew that, didn’t you, little lamb?”

You nodded, opening your mouth for him. The pad of his thumb pressed against your tongue as he studied you, head tilting slightly to one side. 

“Lying tongues must be put to better use, I think,” he said, his eyes reflecting the dancing candlelight. “After all, actions speak louder than words. Maybe you can show me how sorry you truly are.”

At that, your lips wrapped around his thumb as you held his gaze. He could hear the loud thunder of your heartbeat, like a rabbit’s being chased through the underbrush. His hunger yawned open, lashing his insides.

You tilted your head back further, your bared throat a clear message for him. He would heed that call in time, but sometimes he allowed himself to play with his food a little first.

In response, he withdrew his hand, but not before smearing your saliva over your lips first with his thumb. He shifted his hips forward, your eyes flicking down to follow the movement.

He nodded for you to proceed and with shaking fingers, you did quick work of his belt, subsequently undoing the button and zipper of his pants. You felt him straining against the fabric, stirred at the prospect of your warm, wet mouth on it.

You bent down and softly kissed him through the thin fabric, feeling it respond to your touch. There was a sound in his throat — a warning, telling you that you knew better than to tease him.

He ran a hand through his raven locks, pushing back a strand that had fallen over his forehead. His handsome, regal features were shadowed in the low light, giving him a more severe look. 

He watched closely as you eased him out of his briefs, holding back a hiss at the first touch of your bare hand. A sweet smile that was solely reserved for him, and then your lips touched the flushed pink tip. 

“Like this, Father?” You asked, to which he nodded.

“Slowly, now,” he instructed, placing a hand atop your head. “You want to convince me, don’t you?”

You did as told, going slow and soft, tongue circling the tip. Tracing the thick vein running up the side, nearly making him shudder. He let out a harsh breath, his eyes fluttering shut for a mere moment as he lost himself in that heavenly feeling.

“That’s better,” he said, gathering up your hair in his hand. “Always good to be obedient.”

You let out a pleased hum at his praise. He slid over your tongue with ease as you took more of him in your mouth. Your head bobbed up and down still at a slow pace, prolonging every sensation. 

And the way your eyes so sweetly looked up at him, searching for his approval, filled him with a deep satisfaction. Your ears were finely tuned to the sounds he made, understanding what he liked best.

So diligent, so very eager to please. How could he not forgive you everything? 

Soon he found that hunger warred and even threatened to overcome his pleasure. You were so willing to give yourself to him already — he could smell your arousal gathering between your thighs, another siren call to his senses — and all he had to do was take. 

And so, when you came up for air, lips still glossy with the mess you were making, he could not hold himself back any longer. You let him wrangle you onto your back on the floor, his weight pinning you down. A thin trickle of saliva gathered at the corner of his lips as he parted your legs as far as they would go.

You whimpered under his gaze, feeling like you might go up in flames if he didn’t have you soon. He slid downwards, ravenous gaze fixed on his target. Then you felt his hot breath as he buried his head at the apex of your thighs, nose and mouth pressed against your cunt.

He moaned like a man in agony. The tip of his tongue teased your core over the soaked fabric. But, much to your chagrin, he made no attempts to take your underwear off. He was punishing you, after all.

But in instances like this one, you were allowed to use his name. 

“John,” you gasped, head tilted back as if your plea was for the heavens.

He let out a sound that was similar to a growl, one hand splaying over your lower abdomen to hold you in place. His mouth filled with saliva, readying for the bite, appetite clouding his senses.

And then, adjusting his face to one side, his teeth sank into the soft meat of your inner thigh. A cry escaped your lips before you covered your mouth with one hand. The initial agony was always like a lightning bolt, but then it melted away into a morphine-like languor. 

Your body slackened as he drank, fingers digging into his dark curls. He whimpered and groaned at the magnificent taste of your life’s essence, any sin of yours completely erased in his mind.

Then suddenly, he shuddered, his body tensing. You felt his mouth pull away only so he could seal the wound with his tongue. When he looked up, his eyes were glazed over, bright in that way they always were when he’d just finished feeding. 

You lifted your head to get a better look at him as he licked his lips, savoring you to the last drop. You felt a pulse deep in your core at the sight, but you knew that your penance would be to leave you unattended. 

Oh, how awfully torturous! You loved every moment of it. Deep down, he knew that, too, and he used it against you whenever he could.

He left a bloody kiss right on your panties, right over your clit, making your hips jerk. You frowned, half-heartedly glaring at him, and he smiled up at you with pink stained teeth. 

“Good girl, how selfless of you,” he said, practically purring. “You’re on the right path, but I’ll just have to make sure you don’t stray from it.”

------------

[97keanu]

could i request some loser! neo x reader where's he's her stalker 😳

Premise: Neo sees you on the train and just knows he has to have you.

Tags/CW: f!reader, stalker!neo, loser!neo, dark content, obsessive!neo, innocent!reader, shy!reader, neo has never had a girlfriend, age gap, heavy on Neo's perspective since a lot of this reader has no clue what is going on, sexually frustrated!neo, p in v mentions, tiniest bit of a slow burn (for set up purposes), pred coded!neo, prey coded!reader, Neo is a C R E E P fr!, Neo watches you through your webcam, long distance mutual masturbation, Neo fakes being an interested innocent love interest, Neo steals your panties, Intro of Neo taking you on a date despite secretly stalking you.

Authors note: Part One imagine for a Part Two full fic. The fic is dark, please take content warnings at your own risk.

. ｡✩ You've just sat down after rushing to catch the train, your breath beginning to regulate, flustered and pulling your hair back from your face. You feel the heat in your cheeks despite the night air being colder lately, and lean a cheek against the cool window. You stare out into the night as it begins to drift by, stars and cityscape getting lost in the blur.

. ｡✩ This train car has less residents at the moment than usual, likely since the time of night. You don't really look to anyone in particular, instead choosing to keep to yourself, your gaze away from other passengers. You have no idea that you, however, have been noticed.

. ｡✩ Neo is sitting across from you, and from the moment you rushed inside the car, he was intrigued. You, who despite being flustered by almost missing the train, seem to float into your seat. Neo is taken back by your beauty, he sees you and feels as if he's seen an angel. Neo has to look away from you to compose himself. He begins to internally degrade himself for being so caught up in you. He knows someone like you would never talk to a loser like him. In fact, as he glances back to you, your face turned away from him towards the window, he can see his own reflection, hazy from the distance.

. ｡✩ Even in the haze, Neo can see the dark circles around his eyes, his pale skin jumping out from all the darkness surrounding him. There's just something about him that seems off. He looks almost sickly, Neo concludes. His lack of sleep is obvious. The way his face has such thin and sharp angles are also telling, but that's what happens when a man only survives off of cigarettes and black coffee.

. ｡✩ Neo knows how he looks, especially to women. He hasn't caught the eye of anyone in years, and he hates to admit that at 35 he still hasn't really had a girlfriend. As he continues down that thought rabbit hole, he glances back to you, and can't help but feel his stomach tighten at your perfectness. How simple, yet affective your soft demeanor is. He imagines that if were able to magically choose a girlfriend, he would want her to look like you. You with your youth and beauty. From the looks of it, you must be in your early 20s, and Neo almost feels ashamed of how old he has gotten. Someone like him shouldn't even be thinking of someone like you. He was certain that others would find him to be a creep if they knew the kind of thoughts he was developing for you in such a short time.

. ｡✩ Neo's hand clutches onto his pant legs as he tries to look away from you, to stop thinking about you looking over at him. He hates how badly he wants your attention right now, and if his thoughts were wishes you would glances up from the window, smile at him, and give him want he craves. He can just imagine you from there, the rest of the passengers of the car fading away from his imagination, on the two of you on this train car. You would stand up, and slyly come over, straddling him. Your dress tonight, while not immodest, is currently riding up and showing just the smallest hint of your thighs. Neo imagines that when you do straddle him, he would get to run his hands up your dress and get to caress those lovely thighs of yours. Neo feels himself zoning in on your thighs right now actually, and prays you don't catch him watching. He keeps telling himself to stop, it's not normal to think these things about a stranger, but his sleep deprived mind keep urging him on. Soon he can barely stay seated the same way, his cock struggling against his pants. He glances back up at your tender, innocent face, both disgusted with himself, and again, dreaming you would just give a glance his way.

. ｡✩ He about jumps out of his skin when the train hits a bump, the car bouncing just a bit, the lights flashing, and for a second he believes some supernatural force is trying to berate him for his thoughts. That is, until, when he glances back to you, who has also taken a small, worried look up at the lights, before you drop your gaze back down and directly meets Neo's deep, dark eyes. He watches you with his breath held, seeing how gentle and kind your eyes are for the first time fully.

. ｡✩ You hadn't been paying any mind to the rest of the world, your mind had been trailing around all the things you must do when you get home, despite being so tired from your extra long shift tonight. Usually you don't work so late, but tonight was different. You could almost feel it in the early autumn air. Something was changing, you just didn't know what. You had read your horoscope today, finding that it vaguely mentioned something about a turmoil in your love-life, though you highly doubted that applied to you, seeing you didn't have a boyfriend. It didn't give much help for the real part of your day, which was taking care of rude customers and 3 no call no shows for your shift. The real turmoil was in how badly your feet ached, and how the muscles in you face were sick of smiling on automatic all day long.

. ｡✩ That's why when you're suddenly pulled to paying attention to the real world, finding the sharp, dark eyes of a stranger, you can't help but smile softly. You almost wish you didn't do it, but there was no commanding it, it just came out like that. You hated being rude after all, and a small smile to a stranger really wasn't a big deal. Somehow though, the way the man across from you seems to light up from your attention has you wondering if that smile was a good thing or not. He wasn't an ugly man per se. He could be quite handsome in fact, if he found himself some better sleep and cleaned up a bit. You actually have to dart your eyes away in embarrassment when you realize that you are now gazing back at him just as intently as he is you.

. ｡✩ Neo can hardly believe it. It's just like he imagined it, you glancing up and smiling, so softly, so angelically. To him, it's as if you've spared him from his grief of thoughts. He also finds himself wondering, was this meant to be then? It's like a wish come true, and he isn't really sure he is ready to let that go. He sees as you look away with embarrassment from your own moment of staring, and he wants to call out to you and tell you "No, please keep looking, I want to be held by your eyes, your gaze that is so gentle, so sweet".

. ｡✩ Neo tries to build the courage for the rest of the ride to speak to you, but you don't look his way once again. He can feel the train slowing to his stop soon, and he knows he doesn't have much time to make a decision. He's practically sweating over the whole ordeal, trying to decide if he's even worthy to talk to you or not. As he's doing this, he is surprised for the second time tonight when you begin to stand, gathering your things, and ready to had off the train at the same stop as Neo.

. ｡✩ This is it. Neo has to decide. His cowardly demeanor gets the better of him, and he can't bring himself to make words form in his throat. He simply watches as you glide past him without a second thought his way, and Neo finds his legs frozen for a moment. He may not be able to speak to you now, but he can't just let you leave his life for good. He has to do something.

. ｡✩ Later he will justify this. Tell himself "It's okay, you had to, you couldn't let her just leave forever." or "Besides, it's late, a woman like her needs to be protected." and that will quiet the nudging doubt in his mind. For now, he is not thinking much at all. He almost feels animalistic, as if suddenly he's found himself hunting you, the pretty little prey in the night. He slips off the train silently, letting you go far enough ahead that you won't notice his dark form stalking behind you.

. ｡✩ As you pass yellowing streetlight after another, those tiny beacons of the dark Chicago night, you start to have a uneasely feeling, but you choose to ignore it, instead walking just a bit faster towards your apartment. You come to it eventually, slipping inside without a look behind you, locking the door just to feel a bit safer. You go into your bedroom to unwind after the day, and have no second thoughts about your slightly open window blinds.

. ｡✩ Neo will tell himself later he was doing what was good for such an innocent little lamb like you, making sure you got home safely. He will not admit that he's the wolf you should be afraid of. Instead he will please himself to what he saw through the tiny slit of your window. The golden light of your room shining through to his awaiting eyes, your perfect form slowly undressing after a long day. He can't help but wish it was him assisting you, slowly moving his fingers across your skin, slipping off any piece of fabric until you're completely naked for him.

. ｡✩ Soon enough, Neo is finding himself outside your apartment more and more. He can't help but to check in on you. Even with the show you unknowingly gave him early, he finds himself so intrigued just from watching you do the smallest of things. Whether how you tilt your head to the side every time you check the kitchen for a snack, or how you softly hum or sing around the house while cleaning, your image has him completely entranced. He can hardly keep up with his day job, instead choosing to call out often to get sleep after staying up late making sure you were still there. He worries if he sleeps you will surely disappear as if you were a dream all along. It eats at him how close he can get to you, and how far away he is from ever getting to actually interact with you.

. ｡✩ He starts to feel as if he can't get through the day without thinking of you, along with being away from you being so painful for him. He ends up buying a camera, not the type that you have to take in to develope either. He wants the instantaneous feeling that a Polaroid gives. He has to be so careful that you won't hear or see the cameras flash, but somehow that makes all of this so much more exciting for him. He keeps a photo in his wallet to get through the day.

. ｡✩ This is how Neo stayed under your radar for the first few weeks. That is until it wasn't enough for him. He began watching your every move, checking your schedule, and devising a plan to get into your apartment. He noticed your computer that first night, and he's been dreaming of hacking it since then. When he finally does enact his plan, he can hardly believe how easy it was to get in. You really should lock your doors more often, but in someway, Neo likes to imagine you wanted this, left it open for him, just like how you smiled at him on the train on that fateful day.

. ｡✩ He ends up hacking into your computer just as easily, giving himself full control of it, and even taking to your nice little webcam. He has ideas for that later, of course. He also takes this opportunity to walk through your home, picking up your little knicknacks and examining your prized possessions with the utmost interest. He's learning so much about you from what you leave around. The whole thing excites him, and he finds himself idolizing you. He wants to think of himself as a concerned boyfriend here, only one you can't know you have. For your own good, of course.

. ｡✩ He also can't forget the adorable underwear he saw you wearing the first time he saw you. He is delighted to find them in your room, and against his better judgements, he takes them, agreeing to never take something from your room again to justify it.

. ｡✩ That night Neo logs on from home, getting such a lovely pixelated view of your room. He can't believe how he's caught you either. With the perfect view of your bed, he finds you there, half naked and exposed to him, so innocent in thinking that you can get away with a private moment of ecstacy. Neo loves how you play with yourself, watching you with a burning hunger behind his eyes, wishing it was him giving you such pleasure.

. ｡✩ He imagines being there, parting your lovely legs and getting between them. He wants you to try to be modest, attempting to cover yourself or close your legs to him. He loves the idea of you being so shy about your gorgeous body. That you would never give such a beautiful body to anyone but him. He wants to lean down and kiss your lovely lips, then down to your neck where he can sink his teeth into your soft flesh and tease you. You would moan out in a way that leaves Neo breathless, gripping onto him and telling him how badly you want him.

. ｡✩ Neo thinks of this as he begins to unleash his hard cock from his jeans, his eyes glued to your form, watching your lips part with pleasure. He keeps your stolen panties close, taking them in his free hand and inhaling your scent, the idea of being able to eat you out making him so much harder. He would let you smother him with those gorgeous thighs, doing his best to keep up with your bucking hips. He can feel himself getting closer as he imagines it, taking the time to slow himself down, and watch you. He wants to cum at the same time, imagining he's the one who pushes you over the edge. He can hardly hold himself back, but he does, training himself on your form writhing on his computer screen. As soon as he sees you achieving your bliss, it's over for him, he can't help moan out your name as he finishes, almost as if he's making an oath of some sort to you.

. ｡✩ This becomes routine for him, if he's not outside your apartment he's watching you from his. He keeps your polaroid up to date in his wallet, and the old ones begin to adorn his walls. He just can't get enough of you. He knows, deep down, that you would never approve of any of this, never even talk to him again if you found out, but he can't stop himself. He's addicted to you, and he knows he can't quit you.

. ｡✩ You slowly start to notice odd things. You come home to your apartment sometimes, believing that you left one thing in a place, and finding it to be different. You can't help but feel crazy. It's the smallest things, harmless things. Your book is placed on the table differently, you can't find where you put that journal, you feel like your panty drawer is lighter, and they've yet to show up in the wash. When you tell your friends, no one bats an eye. They don't seem concerned at all, in fact one jokingly suggests maybe you have a ghost. You can't help but feel a chill, because while you don't feel like there is something paranormal happening here, ghost is the perfect word for it. You feel as if some shadowy figure has been following you as of late. It's just a feeling, one that puts the hair on your neck on end, a shiver down your spine, makes you walk home faster than normal. You can't prove any of this, of course, but you know something is off. The autumn air feels tainted every time you leave the house, you feel as if this taint is drifting with you everywhere you go.

. ｡✩ After a few months of getting to know you so intimately, reading your journals, taking note of the books you read, the movies you watch, where you work, what you do when you're all alone, how you talk in your sleep, Neo decides to do something bold. He cleans himself up, looking the best he has in a while, trying to hide his sleepy eyes behind a nice shirt and a good grooming. He approaches where you work, a cute little bookstore. The bells on the door chime as he walks in, a friendly demeanor in his stride.

. ｡✩ He comes in, and of course asks if you have your most read and worn book he found at your apartment. You have no idea about that of course, and instead see him as this handsome customer who somehow has an interest in your most beloved book. You talk to Neo with pleasure, and help him acquire the book. The whole interaction is a pleasant part of your day, whereas for Neo, his heart is racing the whole time. He feels as if he is a wolf in sheep's clothing, stalking his prey with such subtly and ease that he can hardly believe that it worked. He was sure you would see through his disguise, or recognize him from the train all those months ago. But you don't. Instead, when you ride home that night, you do think of him. You are somewhat crushing on this tall dark stranger, but you also can't shake an odd feeling when you think of him. You think it must be his eyes, for he seems so hungry and tired when he looked at you.

. ｡✩ Neo becomes a regular at the bookstore, showing up every week at least, and asking about books from you until you two are on a first name basis. Most of the books he asks for, you have always surprisingly read. But that's not unusual, you tell yourself, you're well read, it makes sense that you've heard of them. You still can't shake that strange feeling when you see Neo, but despite that, your crush for him grows. You begin blushing when he jokes with you about this or that, and you listen so intently about his opinion on the books you recommend him. You begin to care about what you wear to work, and wonder if he will come in. The leaves outside begin to turn orange by the time you start admitting to yourself the power those dark eyes hold on you.

. ｡✩ Then came the roses. You work for a local bookstore, and it's not unusual for other coworkers to receive this or that from their boyfriends or husbands. You're surprised when your name is placed on the note, along with a poem you know and love. You have such a heat in your cheeks from the beautiful and expensive looking bouquet that you have to go in the back to giggle to yourself. You think you know who sent them, but when Neo arrives for another book later in the week, he doesn't seem to let anything up to show it's him. He doesn't seem to deny it either when you mention them, and somehow his aloofness and mystery wraps you deeper around his finger. Neo knows this, and can barely conceal his teeth behind his smile. He can't let his little lamb know how exactly he has tricked her into such a romance.

. ｡✩ What really surprises Neo later though is how when he catches you playing with yourself once again, it's his name you're whispering out to your dark bedroom. He can barely contain himself. If he went with his hunter instinct he would go over to your place in that instant and fuck you senseless. He has to do everything in his power not to. He sleeps well knowing he's succeeded in enrapturing you.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

*˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ To be continued in a similar request with full paragraph fic ʚ♥︎ɞ

[ino-takumas-baggy-sweater]

A Second Chance, A Father's Curse - Part 2 (Ryomen Sukuna x Reader)

part 2!!!! I hope yall enjoy :) <3 much love

Part 1 here

Warnings: mentions of neglect/abuse, sukuna is a warning himself, he gets a little violent but doesn't hurt anyone on purpose, sukuna is somewhat out of character but i feel like i dont need to clarify that

Word count: 3.2k

The crowd is deafening, fit for a wedding of royal proportions, but they cannot know the turmoil that lies beneath the surface. Your face betrays nothing, you pretend to be in love for as long as you must, his hands guide you strongly towards the open carriage. There is nothing on your mind but questions, left unanswered in the face of the people. You itch to blurt every thought that crosses your mind but it is as if your tongue has forgotten how to speak.

The door shuts, your fate appears to be sealed, but you’ve saved Ryomen from… something. The dress was beautiful before, but now it feels too restrictive, you feel like a rabbit with its foot caught in a trap. Not to mention you’re almost suffocating under the weight of his cursed energy which is much more potent now that the pair of you are out of the castle. He hasn’t let his guard drop even now that the pair of you are finally alone on the open road, your parents in a carriage further ahead and Gojo sharing with the maids who came with you to allow you time with your new husband.

It feels strange to call him that when all you really know about him is his name, but you find yourself once again studying his face nervously, looking for anything to say. He looks up, his arms folded and his body slightly slouched against the red cushions, “What? Do I have something on my face?” He snaps. You shrink back slightly, shaking your head, “No… I just….” He huffs, averting his gaze out the window, “Spit it out,”

“What happened? Why are you so desperate to get out? Weren’t you second in line to the throne?” His eyes tell you that your question was both expected and unexpected and you mentally prepare to take it back, but he sighs, letting his hands drop to his knees. “Kaori Itadori is not my mother,” He murmurs, “But Jin Itadori is my father,” It takes you a few seconds to connect the dots and you launch to your feet with the revelation, catching yourself on the roof of the carriage.

“But… wouldn’t that also make Yuji…?” He shakes his head, “We’re not twins, I’m older by a few weeks, it’s a miracle we look so alike,” He growls, “Jin Itadori is one lucky bastard,” The carriage goes over an unforgiving bump and his hands dart to grab your waist and steady you, fingers buried in the swathes of white fabric, your chest heavy with the weight of the dress and his energy combined, “Careful there princess,” He murmurs, “Wouldn’t want you getting bruised on our wedding night,”

He’s so gentle with you as he places you on the seat beside him that you feel cruel when the next question spills from your lips, “Your cursed energy, is the king… afraid of it?” He pulls his hands away, leaning his elbows on his knees and messing with his hair. After a few moments of silence he shakes his head, “I have no idea,” He murmurs, “Probably, if even you think it would be enough of a threat,” You look away, thinking for a moment, “The castle has some sort of suppression technique cast over it, I could barely sense my personal guard even when he was standing right behind me,”

“You think he did it just to suppress me?” He scoffs, “He doesn’t care about me, or what happens to me,” “But he cares about his image,” You correct him, “Even with the suppression your energy was overflowing last night at the ball, all that negative energy would almost certainly reflect badly on him considering the fact you’ve spent almost your whole life in the castle,” He looks back to you, “Are you afraid of me?” You’re shocked that he would ask that, but then settle slightly as you realise that his question makes sense. You just asked him if an incredibly powerful man, a King, was afraid of his energy, and yet you yourself are seated next to him with a ring on your finger that binds you to him. “Should I be? You haven’t hurt me yet,” You let your head fall back against the plush wall behind you, tilting until you can look into his brown eyes.

“Is your name Jin Itadori?” He grins wolfishly, finally shrugging the heavy formal tunic off his shoulders, letting it fall carelessly to the floor. The white dress shirt left on his body makes him look younger, and you notice as he rolls his sleeves up that he doesn’t share any of the arm tattoos his half-brothers have and proudly show off. You touch your wrist for a moment as you take in his image, before he waves a hand in front of your face, “Any chance you’ve got some clothes stashed in here? As wonderful as you look in that dress I’d quite like you to be comfortable, I can hear you struggling to breathe,”

You blink, not expecting his sudden change in demeanour as he begins to relax, “I… hang on, I might,” You murmur, “Knowing Geto I’m sure he had something arranged…” You shift until you’re seated on the floor on your knees, lifting the seat you were sitting on before to reveal a compartment underneath. His arm comes up over you to hold it open and you smile gratefully as you dig through the clothing, finding a simple f/c gown that lacks a corset, perfect for long distance travel. You pull it out with a triumphant smile and he seems smug, “Need help getting undressed princess?” He teases.

Oh. Right. Stuck in a carriage, alone with your new husband. Your face flushes with embarrassment, it took four maids to get you into the dress, you know you’ll be forced to ask him to help you lest you make a fool of yourself or accidentally tear the dress. “Come on, don’t be shy now, I don’t bite,” He chuckles, putting his hands up in mock surrender. “It’s not me that I’m worried about,” You roll your eyes, shutting the compartment and lifting yourself until you’re seated across from him again, “Geto is protective, and will not hesitate to defend me if something happens to me,”

“You think he could go up against me?” He smirks, folding his arms, “Please, nothing is going to happen,” “So prove it, you’re my husband now whether you like it or not, so be my husband,” You say firmly, trying to gain some ground on him, “We may see one another without clothes in the future, so why not start now?” He laughs, you don’t think you’ve heard him laugh before, and you find you want him to do it again. “You’re feisty, I like it,” He says, relaxing again and spreading his legs slightly and beckoning you, “Come here, I’ll see what I can do about everything down to that corset I know you’re wearing,”

You take his outstretched hands and stand between his legs, his hands then tracing over your hips as he turns you so you’re facing away, reaching for the line of clasps that lead from the top of the dress to your hips. You feel the pressure in your chest lessen as the dress comes loose, pooling at your feet, and then his hands trace up the boning of the corset that hugs your abdomen, gently untying the lace ribbons that hold it together. “You know, for a man known for his strength, you have the gentle touch of a musician,” You comment, angling your head to look back and down at him.

He looks up as the corset falls slightly to rest at your hips, “Well Princess, as I said before, we don’t want to bruise you on our wedding night, unless you’re begging for it,” He smirks again, pressing a kiss out of your line of sight to the small of your back between the loose edges of the corset. You resist the urge to shiver, his hands on your hips as he helps you step out of the dress, “That thing is going to piss me off if it can’t fit where the other dress came from,” He growls, pushing it with his foot before you can protest, “Where is this other dress?”

You quickly shimmy out of the corset, left in a loose white undershirt and petticoat, and pick up the new dress, stepping into it and pulling it up over your underwear. “I can always ask the maids to take it,” You say as his hands return to your back, delicately clasping up the back of the new dress, “Just don’t kick it around, I don’t want to damage it,”

“No need to be so precious, I didn’t realise you felt that strongly about it,” He mutters, “Now c’mon, tell me about my new home,” He spins you around before you can react, pulling you down so you’re sitting sideways in his lap, your arms shooting up around his neck. As you sit there too shocked to reply, he laughs and lets his hands rest on your hip, wrapped around your middle, “You’re so easy to fluster, have I caught your heart in my grasp already?”

“How are you so carefree right now?” You murmur, “Your whole life… and I’m the only person outside your brothers and parents who knows,” His face falls back to neutral and you can tell he’s angry, you know you’re a fool for poking, especially after the pleasant exchange you just shared, but you have to know, “Did you ever fight back?” He falls still, your fear is amplified by his lack of any kind of signal or cue.

He pushes you off him, “I couldn’t, what don’t you understand about that?” He growls as you catch yourself on the other seat, your hip sparking with pain as it catches the edge, “Jin Itadori is the King of one of the largest nations on the fucking continent, you don’t think I wanted to be free of him?! I rebelled my entire life against royal duties and parties and fucking teachers who thought they knew better than me,” His eyes are dark and his energy has returned full force, amplified by his rage, “Some of the best sorcerers on the continent told my father I was a lost cause and that he needed to kill me before I grew too strong, they thought I couldn’t hear them but I could hear everything,”

You dig your fingers into the cushions beneath you as he shouts, “Jin Itadori thought I was a worthless piece of shit shoved onto him by a woman he never even loved, and frankly I’m lucky he didn’t manage to kill me before I learned to defend myself because he sure fucking tried!” You don’t even realise the carriage has come to a halt until the door swings open and you’re wrenched out by a strong hand. You bury your face against the navy blue cloak you find yourself hidden behind. It’s Geto, clearly having sensed something was wrong, with a pair of four legged vaguely big-cat shaped curses flanking him as he puts himself between you and your volatile husband.

“Are you alright my lady?” He asks over his shoulder, not taking his eyes off the carriage. You nod quietly, peering around him to see Ryomen who has his head in his hands, gripping his hair tightly. “Sir, Prince Ryomen,” Geto says quietly, “I need you to calm down, or I will have to put Princess Y/n in the carriage behind,” The man looks almost frantic when he looks up again, a thousand words trapped behind his eyes as he reaches a hand out only to realise Geto is between the two of you. He gets to his feet, his energy washing over the pair of you but not able to penetrate through Geto’s concentrated bubble of energy, “Give her to me,” He whispers.

Geto’s hand on your wrist tightens but you shift around him, “My lady, he is unstable-“ You look up at him, cutting off his words with just a look, “Thank you Geto, but I can handle it from here,” You say simply. “Of course your highness,” He murmurs, bowing his head slightly as you step back up into the carriage. Ryomen’s hands are on you within an instant, pulling you to him as he whispers a thousand apologies against your hair. You hear the door to the carriage shut and the call as Geto instructs the group to continue onwards, bringing your hands up to his hair and gently combing your fingers through the pink strands.

“I should not have pushed you, you have my sincerest apologies Ryomen,” You murmur, “I will not ask of your father’s mistreatment again,” You feel him shaking his head, his arms pulling you down until you’re once again seated beside one another as he reaches up to cup your cheeks. “My lady,” He murmurs, “It is not you who should apologise, your guard is right, I am an unstable man at best and a risk to your safety,” He opens his eyes, you spot a tint of red leeching inwards at the edges of his irises, “Is it selfish that I do not wish to be parted, despite the fact I may hurt you someday?”

“If anyone is selfish here it is me, you’re a risk I’m willing to take for the sake of my kingdom, you’re a strong man and I believe the good in you will outweigh your suffering,” You clutch his wrists, “Ryomen L/n, you have taken my last name, you are my family now,” You whisper, meeting his intense gaze, “You are free,” “You still fear me,” He murmurs, his gaze switching between your eyes, “How could you not?” “Prove me wrong then,” You shift your hands down his arms slightly, “Prove to me you will not hurt me, it doesn’t have to be right this second, but I have the utmost confidence in your integrity and your resilience,”

You feel his hands warm with cursed energy, the soreness in your hip where you collided with the seat dissipates almost immediately, a warm feeling flowing through you instead. “Where’d you learn to do that?” You ask, “That’s reverse cursed energy, isn’t it?” He nods, leaning into your space until his forehead is against yours, “One of the captains taught me how to use my energy,” He murmurs, “He didn’t teach me to directly reverse it though, his theory was that it would be the easiest way to dispel great quantities of it all at once. I used to use it to soothe my younger brothers when they were in pain,”

You sigh softly, shifting up on the bench until you can cradle his head to your chest, “I’m learning so much about you in such a small amount of time,” You murmur, brushing his hair back, “Are you okay?” He nestles further against you, “With you as an ally, I think I might be,” His voice is soft and vulnerable, you can only assume he hasn’t spoken this freely in years, if ever. The two of you remain in soft silence for the remainder of the trip. Too wired on the information you’ve taken in you find you cannot sleep where usually the soft lull of the carriage would put you to sleep like a baby.

You spend your time combing your fingers through his hair as he leans heavily against you, crowding you up against the side of the carriage but not uncomfortably. You let him lay practically on top of you, sleeping peacefully as your thoughts roam and your eyes watch the stars through the window. By the time the sun begins to rise again you can see the familiar stone walls of the Iqorian capital, Adenfast, the castle in the centre dominating the skyline but not overshadowing the city. A shadow passes over the window before you and Geto’s face comes into view, his hair and cloak hanging down as he looks into the carriage upside down.

You giggle softly as he tilts his head, squinting for a moment before nodding, “We’re almost there!” He says, his voice muffled through the glass. You nod in reply, Ryomen’s body shifting until he can hide from the strengthening light. You cast your gaze down to his pastel pink hair, tracing your fingers through the dark undercut as his breathing steadily grows. “Get off me brat,” He mutters, batting at your hands. You’re shocked, hands up slightly, but his mind seems to catch up a moment later as he opens his eyes and grabs your hands, “Wait, sorry, I thought you were Yuji for a second,”

He guides your hands back to his hair and relaxes again, “We’re almost in Adenfast, would you like to see?” He pushes himself up with his hands on either side of your thighs, leaning over you to look out the carriage window. “It’s brighter than Khoccadia,” He murmurs and you notice his eyes have returned to normal after his outburst the night before, “This… this feels like a home,” You’re eager to see him thrive, but you can also feel the fear still lingering from his father’s influence.

You know it will take time for him to adjust, and you know things will be rocky to start off with considering the circumstances of your marriage, “I hope it can be your home as much as it is mine,” You murmur, tracing your fingers down the side of his face closest to you. He grins, taking your chin between his thumb and forefinger, “If I got to have things my way, my father would regret everything, and you could be by my side the entire time,” You smile softly, “Until such time, enjoy your freedom, you deserve it,”

His gaze traces down until it lands on your wrists, “Ah, when do we get the tattoos done?” He asks, cocking an eyebrow. “Ideally as soon as possible, before you officially appear to the public,” Geto says as he opens the carriage door and steps in. “Geto! Moving carriage? Have some sense of self-preservation!” You scold him as he sits across from the pair of you, the primary veil lowered around the city of Adenfast washing over you like the feeling of water.

“Just wanted to check on my lady,” He puts his hands up in surrender, “We’re approaching the castle grounds, they’ve been closed off for the time being until we get you two into the privacy of the castle itself,” You nod, “Thank you,” “Gojo wants to talk to you about your energy, Sir,” Geto nods to Ryomen, “Something about training you,” “I look forward to it, I have heard much about the Gojo clan’s runaway prodigy, I have a feeling he and I will get along nicely,”

The air is warm and the cheers of the people fill the air as the carriages ride through the streets. Knights on horseback block the windows from the public eye and Geto exits the carriage, returning to his place atop as you cross through the secondary veil, completely transparent aside from a few visible sparkles hanging in the air. “Home sweet home,” You whisper, your mind in blissful ignorance. As uncertain as your future may be, you know you will spend it by his side nurturing the part of him that lives for the joy of living, lives for his brothers, and maybe one day will live for you.

im brainrotting this series so hard right now, i swear i've written so much for it in the past couple of days, i feel bad neglecting my other wips lmaooo

Part 3 here!

[theboywithburninghands]

Welp, another Funnybunny/Buttonblossom/Bunnydoll tidbit emerges. This one sorta rounds out the last three, with Ragatha being introduced into the relationship and Jax being a big baby about it. Buuuut I think it’s sweet and I think it’s a good jumping off point for more wild ideas. Hope you enjoy it!

t/w: mild relationship drama

Kiss and Makeup

Pomni woke up and wiped the drool off her cheek. She fumbled around for her alarm clock, forgetting for a moment that she didn’t have one. She sighed and sat up, yawning mightily and rubbing her eyes.

Pomni: What happened..?

Her brain, still murky with sleep, took a few moments to process what had happened. She got back from dinner, came to her bedroom and was going to lay down for a little while before she went to see Jax…

Pomni: And I guess… I fell asleep.

She groaned. Her eyes ached. It felt good to close them. Truthfully, she could have just flopped back down on her pillow and gone back to bed, but she wanted to see Jax. She had spent her free time yesterday at the amusement park with Ragatha, so it was his turn tonight. She hoped she hadn’t slept too long and missed the chance to cuddle with him…

She opened the door to the hallway and squinted at the light, shielding her eyes with one hand. She kept it on her brow as she shuffled over to Jax’s door, using her other hand to grip the doorknob and give it a twist. It opened onto an empty room. Jax’s various practical jokes were scattered here and there: his pink whoopee cushion on his chair (he was no doubt going to hide that later for someone to sit on), his joy buzzer sitting open on his desk next to a small toolset, a jar of rubber centipedes and cockroaches on his nightstand. But he was gone, his bed empty and unmade like usual.

Pomni: Whatever… there’s always tomorrow night.

Pomni closed the door and yawned again, dragging her feet back to her room.

Pomni: Bed…

She had her hand on the doorknob and was ready to turn it before she heard a soft, cloying voice in the back of her head.

“Something’s wrong…”

Pomni: *firmly* Bed.

As much as she hated to admit it, it was going to be impossible to get back to sleep now. Once anxiety stung, it started to unbearably itch, and she could already feel unease pooling inside her. She sighed, and even though her eyes longed to be shut again, she walked out into the main area.

It was also deserted. Pomni blinked more awake now, starting to feel the familiar burn of panic in her stomach.

Pomni: Jax?

Truthfully she hadn’t expected an answer, but maybe if she called out to him enough times, those big ears of his would eventually hear her voice. Pomni scanned the entire room several times, before grunting in equal parts annoyance and worry before she left to go look out on The Grounds.

The simulated night air was pleasant enough. The program had even gotten the smell of evening dew on the grass right. She heard the trill of nonexistent frogs as she looked out on the Digital Lake, it’s surface reflecting silvery-white moonlight.

She opened her mouth to call Jax’s name again before she heard a distant shriek. She blinked, looking around frantically to see if she could pinpoint where the sound came from. Her eyes fell on a lanky figure exiting the woods, and just from the silhouette, she could see the long set of ears atop their head.

Pomni: Jax! Hey, Jax!

She called out for him, but he must not have heard her. She was quite far away after all… she decided to meet him halfway and began to walk around the lake.

She stopped walking when she saw the rabbit pause and double over, as though in pain. Pomni watched him gradually stand up straight again, walk to the shore of the lake and sit down, arms across his knees and his forehead on his arms.

Almost like he was hurt.

Pomni: Oh s#?%!

Pomni raced towards Jax, the bells on her hat jingling with every step. She didn’t waste any breath calling out to him. She needed to get Caine. How did she get a hold of him after hours?!

She doubled over and panted about sixty feet from Jax. She took a few breaths to sate her burning lungs, then called out.

Pomni: Jax..?! Are you okay?

To her surprise and relief, Jax shot right to his feet. She was still a bit too far away to see his face in the dark.

Jax: Pomni! Wh- Why are you *wipes his eyes* why are you out here?

Pomni approached him a bit more leisurely, seeing that he wasn’t injured, but… what was wrong with his face?

Pomni: You weren’t in your bed and I saw you crouch down- Why are you out here? Are you crying?

Jax: No! No, I- *wet sniff* No, I-I got allergies is all… *clears throat*

Pomni: But… you don’t have a nose.

Jax: Speak for yourself.

As she got closer, Pomni could see his face at last. While he managed his usually toothy smile, the corners of his mouth were strained, and his eyes had a red glaze.

Pomni: You have been crying! Jax, wh-what happened?

Jax: No, it’s just hayfever..-

Pomni: Oh what’s next, “there’s something in my eye?” Don’t bull$#?% me. *walks closer and delicately takes his hand* Did something happen? Di-Did I do something wrong?

There was a long and painful pause as Jax tried to find his words. There was no way out of this except straight up running away, which was extremely tempting… but…

Jax: I just-I don’t get it.

Pomni: You don’t get what?

Jax: Why do you want to be with her over me..? What did I do wrong?

Pomni: You- …Jax, I told you, I’m not replacing you. You told me that you were okay with it…

Jax: I KNOW! I thought I could deal with it when I said that. And I wanted you to feel better. But I can’t deal with it.

Pomni: …You lied?

Jax: No, I didn’t. I didn’t lie. I told you, I thought I could deal with it. But she thinks I’m a kid, and she rubbed it in my face, and I just… it all fell down.

Pomni: Ragatha made fun of you? Ragatha? What did she say?

Jax: Answer my question first. What did I do wrong?

Pomni: Jax, you didn’t do anything wrong! You’re great! I just like Ragatha too!

Jax: But- what does she have that I don’t? Is she prettier than me? Smarter than me?

Pomni: Jax. Think about what you’re saying. Have I shown any less interest in you? How many nights have we spent talking for hours? Did you forget how I was ripping my hair out two days at the thought of hurting you? In fact- the whole reason I’m out here was because I went to your room to cuddle with you, and I got worried when I didn’t find you! I… I love you…

Jax: *fresh tears bead in his eyes* I love you too…

The two of them came together in a hug. Pomni felt a lump form in her own throat upon feeling Jax’s slender body shudder in her arms. She felt two or three warm teardrops land on her shoulder. She rubbed his back.

Pomni: But… I love Ragatha too. And I’m not forcing myself to choose between you and her. You’re both amazing.

There was a soft gasp behind the pair of embraced lovers. Ragatha had a hand to her mouth, her other hand holding Layla.

Pomni: Ragatha..?

Ragatha: I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, I… oh, Jax…

The rabbit instinctively wiped his eyes, and broke the hug with Pomni.

Jax: It’s nothing. I’m sorry.

Ragatha: Jax-

Jax: No, shut up, let me just… let me… *sniffles and wipes his eyes* I know what you meant when you said you were proud of me. It stung because you… because I thought you were-

Pomni: Wait, that’s what she said?! She was proud of you?!

Jax: It felt like an insult okay?!

Pomni: IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT AN INSULT?!

Ragatha: Pomni, shush! Let him talk!

Jax: It was stupid, okay?! I know it was stupid, but- I- I know I don’t deserve it and I’ll just- I’ll just keep being an @$$hole probably but I’m-I’m not a kid, I’m… I’m…

Ragatha: Jax. You’re going in circles. Breathe with me.

Jax: I don’t need your help-!

Ragatha: Jax. Breathe with me. Come on, ready? In…

Ragatha took a deep breath, Jax rolling his eyes and glaring, but sucking in some air all the same

Ragatha: Out, like you’re blowing on a dandelion.

The two of them exhaled in tandem.

Ragatha: Okay, go on.

Jax: Don’t say “you’re proud of me” like you’re so much better than I am. I know I’m a jerk, but you’re not perfect either… But… I’m sorry. I thought you were trying to take Pomni away from me because I wasn’t…wasn’t cutting it anymore. That good enough?

Ragatha: *taps a hand on her chin, then points it at Jax* Promise you’ll stop hiding centipedes in my room?

Jax: No way.

Pomni: Jax.

Jax: Alright alright alright, no more centipedes.

Ragatha: And say you’re sorry to Layla. *holds up the microphone beetle*

Jax: ……..I’m sorry Layla.

Ragatha: Then all is forgiven!

Before the rabbit could react, Ragatha had her arms around him, Layla hopping off of the doll woman’s hand into Pomni’s, who caught her clumsily. Jax stiffened at Ragatha’s sudden hug, but couldn’t help but relax a little against her. She was… really soft. And she smelled nice. His cheeks warmed up.

Pomni: Jax, I’m sorry I made you feel like that… Even if it was a misunderstanding, I’ll try and make it up to you somehow, okay?

Jax: Nah. I feel better. About… everything, really.

Ragatha: We should get some sleep… Layla needs to go back to her room anyway.

The three of them walked back to the tent in comfortable silence. They all felt much lighter. After returning Layla to Kinger, (who was delighted to see her, even if he had forgotten that he lent her out at all), they all stood outside Ragatha’s bedroom.

Ragatha: Well, see you in the morning guys. Good talk.

Ragatha smooched them both on the cheek.

Jax: *with one eye closed in disgust* Eugh… *wipes the kiss off but blushes faintly*

Pomni: Ehehe… *blushes much less faintly and plays with her fingers*

Ragatha: Goodnight.~ *she smiles and goes into her room, shutting the door*

Pomni and Jax were left looking at one another.

Pomni: …Do you want to stay the night in my room? It’s your turn since Ragatha and I went on that date yesterday…

Jax: Nah. I honestly just want to sleep.

Pomni: …Tomorrow night?

Jax: Tomorrow night sounds good. *he smiles*

The two of them shared a brief but sweet kiss there in the corridor before going their separate ways. As Pomni rolled into bed, she felt exhaustion fall over her, and almost as soon as she hit the pillow, she fell into the gentle, muffled black clouds of deep sleep.

[katyspersonal]

You've heard of me getting gradually Ironkinged after a dream sequence of taking a bite of Gwyn's soul, now get ready for Miquella dream adventures getting out of hand.. 🤦‍♂️

I've had an interesting dream, of a similar nature, where I was seeing some of combination of the beautiful world full of light the character created and reflection of inner processes maybe. Miquella's world had a much more gentle light though, not burning sunlight. Very pretty buildings, everyone petting rabbits and baking cookies, the sweetness and naivety of it all.. And I saw various people who were enemies being friends now. I recognized some from irl that were fighting all the time, and youtubers that were harassed by their ex also youtuber friend forgiving her and playing videogames together. I started to go deeper seeing some people I knew online, even mutuals (looking either like their personas or toned-down characters I associate them with XD). Everyone were just napping or preparing next fun activity..

And at some point Miquella saught me and told me that he had a gift for me too. He said that all people I've hurt were happy now and people who meant me harm calmed down and many even wanted to be friends now.... That almost made me cry, but I felt a bit uneasy and refused to go meet them. I felt like I had to escape, even if I forgot why... Like it was all too good to be true. He just told me it was okay to need time, but I could see it in his face that he went on guard. And as I delved deeper into dream I saw it was true, as some places got fences before them and some doors got blocked, like to restrict my way. But I had a very clear thought: "I didn't die (by committing suicide) after everything they've done to me, and so now I will make the whole world suffer (for the mistake of letting me live)". And then "this is not how it should end, only if they pay I will be happy and if he wants to help he must know this" (fuckin Hornsent moment lmao ffhygfjhhf)

Basically, I've chose violence, and I tried to fix my ear to telepathically hear people's "true" thoughts, under enchantment. It was surprisingly hard to detect any hatred towards me, but I've heard something like "I don't believe in her anymore and keeping my emotional distance" and chased it. It was someone who used to be of very positive opinion about my personality before they indeed stepped away. I knew I needed to harm them, but... there were no fucking weapons in this whole place. At all. I tried to search for a blade and getting annoyed "with that saccharine plush world of blooming flowers and kissing bunnies" (my words from the dream). However, I caught that person cooking sweets for everyone to come enjoy them later.... and cutting them with a kitchen knife worked. The world roared, yellow light filter over it scattered, and I woke up.

________

Honestly, "Hornsent moment" might be not even a joke because I did sorta feel like projecting onto him strongly just before sleep. But also, in general, recently I've been scared. I am so scared all the time. I've been noticing that I've been sorta healing on multiple levels. Happier, rediscovering self and things I used to love. And I am so scared that I'll become a part of this world. Misery became my God that guides me and I heard it for a while, that keeps me separated from the world and keeps me fixed on remembering my true purpose and nature of things. Mostly associated with sea and darkness. I don't seek light of heaven or fires of hell, but the dark space between them. Yet when I am happier or healthier.. I stop hearing it. The signal has been weaker, and I am terrified to forget it. I barely dealt with Man in the Mirror vanishing, but now.. i am scared nonstop that my misery, hatred, anger, grudge and pain will be taken away from me. What will be left? I don't want to be rebuilt like Theseus Ship.

I've been waiting for a sign like another no-good agent of chaos I'd follow to cause rifts. Heck, HIM returning into this fandom would've been enough. Sometimes I want to crawl back to him despite all he's done, because he feels like the key to not get swallowed by this world. To hate and thus keep myself safe. Or maybe a new person hellbent on deleting me from this world would be great.. I start to hate them for allowing me to catch them. Maybe had I not exposed them to protect myself and my friends, the voice of my horrifying God of dark and water would still be so.. so, so loud.

And for now all I can say is that this kid is getting on my nerves, and pray that I can regain my focus. I pray that it will show up to me and not let me burn or bloom. I can only wait now, I've became too weak to cause chaos.. maybe this is why it believes I am not worthy of keeping anymore. I am thinking and waiting all the time, to not lose touch with misery.

[letterstoear]

Almost at the top

Notes: Riddle x reader, platonic relationship, fluff, letter, reader is a student of Heartslabyul, gn reader.

Don't forget to join my giveaway if you're interested: Letters to Ear : New year new me giveaway! (tumblr.com)

You can also purchase your very own custom letter here: Twisted Wonderland Letter Package — Letters to Ear (squarespace.com)

Dear _______,

As your dorm leader, I feel no different towards your test score. So long as my students pass each test with ease, I have no reason to off their head. In fact, I’m proud to have you as my student here at Heartslabyul. To put it lightly you’ve earned your score _______. That paper wasn’t your best in terms of academics, but that doesn’t make it any less. Rather, it’s more of a reflection of your mental state.

Now as your friend I must say I have different views on your situation. I understand your frustration in getting an almost perfect score. You want to be able to receive your paper back with the feeling of accomplishment. In your case, I believe the pressure of staying afloat at the top of your class got to your head. The pressure of staying perfect. Those thoughts must have flooded into your mind before you could have even caught sight of it.

Taking away all the pressure you have isn’t something I can do, especially the pressure you put upon yourself. I’ve learned that the only one who can take off the pressure you hold is yourself. Instead of pointing out what you could have done differently to get a better score I want to praise you for getting the score that you did. No, it’s not what I want, but rather a motion of action. _______, I’m going to compliment you for your hard work.

It’s more impressive to me that you’re able to achieve such a score with the way you navigate life. You never back down from any of your activities and give your whole effort into everything. What’s more is you know you could do better, knowing you haven’t reached your full potential is a good thing. It’s something that can push you to be better and you do push yourself. That’s a very admirable thing about you.

Which reminds me, the other day I caught you eating cookies and crying to yourself, at first, I gripped my pen to put you in a collar. What stopped me was seeing you being able to calm down and come to mind with what went wrong. _______, you worked hard to see where you got things wrong, then worked from there. Seeing you like that left a deep impression on me.

At the end of the day _________, you’re not a lost cause. Despite your mind telling you how you screwed up because of your latest score, it doesn’t put a dent in your life. I want you to see that for yourself. Stop and remember to keep your head high like a card soldier. In the times you feel yourself falling down the unforgivable rabbit hole, remember this, call out. I want to help rid as much pressure you put on yourself as possible. To do so you need to trust me and if you want trust, you need to give some as well.

If you would like to continue this conversation please find me,

Riddle Rosehearts

[tenaciouschronicler]

April 25 2024 2009

Yesterday's updates were something.

First a new sound page! this one without a title/prompt. Its also our official title page.

I really went down a rabbit hole on this page specifically so more thoughts and breakdown for the update are below the cut.

The whole sequence is very smooth in its panning zoom to the sky and the following narration is just ... odd. It makes me inclined to say this is another character rather than Hussie just writing. Someone omniscient almost, speaking to us the reader but also to John even if he can't hear it.

The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox.

Its curious that theres no other sounds in the audio. Just winds and chimes. It should be a Monday based on the calendar from John's room which makes it Easter Monday. We dont know where John lives, but his school must make it a holiday since hes at home being stuffed with cake and so is his Dad, said baker. You would think there would be other dads doing yard work or some kids playing outside but there's no indication of either.

A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.

Familiar to whom? And in what way?

Google says Desolation is "a state of complete emptiness or destruction". So is the wind equal to Desolation? I feel like we dont actually hear the note per say. Our narrator only likens the sound to something we could probably comprehend. In reality, the wind over the void space is Desolations note.

It is your thirteenth birthday, and as with all twelve preceding it, something feels missing from your life.

A nice callback to the first page of the comic but also more references to lacking and emptiness. Although a funny gag, the first page also says John is only getting his nane Today. Logically we know that's false. TT uses his name in their convo on persterchum. So what does that mean? Has he only been alive but not actually living?

The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket.

Has Desolation been keeping John from living? Why?? What would it gain from that?

His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon's faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.

Googling Absence gives us "the state of being away from a place or person". So his riddle is a state of being away from others... I feel like the following statement gives more but I cant discern what.

"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -Walt Whitman

Yes, you are certain Walt Whitman said that. One hundred percent positive.

We get another quote that is certainly not Walt Whitmans. I'm curious if the mis-attributions are John legit not knowing, which would be strange knowing the quote but not the speaker, or the narrator fucking with John. I like to believe the latter.

Our actual guy is François de La Rochefoucauld, a French moralist with two works published of which this quote is from Maximes. I kinda want to make posts of each wrong quote and author after reading more about what the book is about. For now I think this is good enough.

You have a feeling it's going to be a long day.

The last actual time we saw was 4:26 pm. If we wanna take a guess saying we 'started' at 4:00 pm and guessing based of the times we have been shown, its been no more than 45 min. So yeah, I think its gonna be long indeed.

Two pages later we once again 180 back.

With the previous stuff Im now suspicious of these shift changes. (I could also juat be reading way too into it but *shrug*)

We continue to search for the elusive SBURB and find a package in Dads car. Gandering into the kitchen FULL of steam (is your Dad/the oven ok?) we spot another package and potentially the game?! There's no avoiding your Dad John. Get in the kitchen John.

[elderflowergin]

Hey hey! I don't know if can articulate it as well as you. But, My Dearest has endeared me to him quite a bit(a lot). I am in the rabbit hole at this point, currently on episode 12 of Hot Stove League, and it is so weird to see him so demure(?) compared to his other roles where he does use his full body quite a lot to express himself. Here, he gets shoved around and startled, and it's a far cry from the sword wielding warrior he is in My Dearest. But he does it so well, I kinda want to cradle his face in my hands and until he sees himself the way I see him, which is 😍😍( when he held a baby for the first time). I also stopped One Dollar Lawyer for similar reasons and The Veil. However, I did spend some time on Falsify(a hidden gem, truly). Him and Oh Junge Se are brothers, journalists, and it delves into the world of journalism and the responsibility of media in shaping public opinion etc, I haven't finished but he's so good at, I don't what to call him, to put it simply, a man who is angry at what has been 'done' to his brother and by extension him. By the way, any hopes or expectations for the 2nd part of My Dearest, for the characters and the story? I kinda don't want to create any illusions of what is to come, and just enjoy the story for it is but ahh, the situation looks so dire. Thanks for welcoming me into your inbox.

Hi again Anon! I completely get you. I loved how different he was in Hot Stove League - it’s such a restrained performance. The character of Baek Seung-soo is interesting to me because he feels like a cold and distant person when you see him, and you realise how principled and generous he is only through his actions. It’s a challenge for any actor, and I love that he did it well and was such a good foil for both Park Eun-bin and Oh Jung-se. I don’t wish to cradle his face (I’m afraid I’d break it) but I did want to put him in my pocket and carry him everywhere.

Sadly Falsify doesn’t seem to be on any of my services, so I will have to wait until the coming Namgoong Minaissance encourages someone to carry it. I didn’t check it out so I didn’t know he plays Oh Jung-se’s brother, which is fascinating to me since I loved their arc in Hot Stove League. Thank you for telling me more about this show!

As for Namgoong Min in My Dearest: he is so expressive and I absolutely love that about watching him.

I could go on and on (and I will!) but I’ll talk about one scene in particular: the one where he carries Ahn Eun-jin across the riverbed which rewired my brain. She’s being carried by him, which must be a novel sensation, since she’s alive to his body in a way the other girls were not. She sees the perspiration on his face, and you can see how it makes her feel, how she’s overwhelmed by — not handsomeness, really, but pure attraction and want. She’s almost entranced, and she touches his face, his sweat, which is, yes, gross, but deeply intimate, like blood. And he notices; how can he not when she touches his temple? He could probably feel her gaze from a mile away, let alone a physical touch. And so he turns and looks at her, and that face says so much, reflecting so much possession, want and banked desire.

Both actors are so subtle and wonderful, and yet convey the undeniable attraction between the characters. For two people who talk nonstop at each other and deny their feelings throughout it all, their true feelings reveal themselves with surprising ease in other ways. I love that so much.)

As for season 2: I didn’t like how their arc ended at the last episode of part 1, but I don’t think it was inconsistent with Jang Hyeon’s character or bad writing necessarily. I’m ultimately glad Gil-Chae stayed with her family. I hope Gil-chae and Ryang Eum become besties. I hope Gil-chae continues to be the successful businesswoman that she is. I hope her friends remain by her side. I think Jang Hyeon has a lot of work and growing up to do. I get that the storyline needs them back together, so for what it’s worth I hope he grovels and begs and is a repentant, changed man when he returns to her.

(I understand that this isn’t a prevalent opinion about them as a couple, and I’m fine with that! I also get that all of this is unlikely to happen, so I’m not resting my hopes on it :’().

Thank you Anon for letting me go on and on about this. Happy watching Namgoong Min and I hope Oct 13th gets here soon! ❤️

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

18, 24, and 29 for the fanfic ask!!!

Hey Maya thank youuuu :)

18. Do you enjoy research?  Which fic of yours required the most research?

I enjoy it as long as I actually manage to find what I'm looking for. I have an obsessive need to meet the highest standard of plausibility for some reason. It's like I'm worried cinemasins is gonna make a takedown video of my fics? But I also just find it makes the writing more immersive and the world feel more lived-in when you put in that extra effort to get the details right. And it helps me reflect more on and engage with the actual history more, even if I'm adapting reality into fiction.

In total, it must have been I'm Looking Through You which required the most research, just due to the sheer length of the whole thing. There were a few deep rabbit holes I went down for that (I spent like a week researching LSD), but the fact it was canon divergence also left me a little breathing room in terms of the actual chronology.

Right now, I feel like my more recent fic Thinking Of Speaking My Mind had more research when controlled for word count, but that might not actually be true, since its "episodicness" allowed me to circumvent certain topics (on the other hand, I changed the plot of some parts multiple times to fit new sources I found)… that being said, I definitely imposed a higher standard of research on myself for that one, because it's more or less canon compliant.

24. How do you choose whose POV to write in?

I don't think about it much, though it's usually related to how and when I want to impart the audience with information. Thinking Of Speaking My Mind is entirely about Paul "discovering" things, thus it's all from his point of view.

ILTY used multiple POVs, partially because I always wanted the story to include multiple character arcs, even if John's is the principle one. The other thing is I could use it to keep certain character intentions opaque until the right moment.

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

I think… I commit to the premises of my stories well? Like, I really like engaging with the idea "what if John forgot four years of his life?" or "what if Paul could go back and only change one thing?" very deeply and discovering the strange and surprising details behind those concepts.

[celestiabyss]

[Vtuber Lore: Celesti's Vision Story]

(Author's note: I now officially declare that this is the right time to post my vtuber lore which has been collecting dust for so long! This is inspired by the Hexenzirkel and my friends who taught me the beauty of worldbuilding and OC-making. Thank you so much!)

For most people, Hydro is either a symbol of healing, longevity, fluidity, or purity. For some, it is a defier of time. But for the gifted few, it is a mirror to the skies. 

Celesti was yet another god who had fallen victim to erosion, but in another world, that is. She and two other gods shared a sisterly bond with each other, and together, they shaped the world. Among the three of them, Celesti was responsible for creating the oceans and seas. One day, she noticed that the sky that comes after sunset was nothing but a void, so she blanketed the void with the same glimmer that the oceans and seas have. Said glimmer became the stars, and she gazed at them every night.

But that was ages ago. She and the other two gods had lost most of their power and had long forgotten how to continue shaping their world. They could not even create a dreamscape with the same size as a small room! Celesti wondered, "Why do gods need to figure out everything themselves in creating a world? Will no one ever teach us the ropes?".

While the other two gods tried their own methods of solving this predicament, Celesti sought to learn from other worlds. She thought,  "If I can pinpoint similarities between the space creation magic of different worlds, maybe we'll eventually figure out what to do for our own world!".

But space creation techniques were not the only discoveries Celesti made. She fell in love with all of the stories and histories of the worlds she has observed and been to. Thus, she fell into rabbit hole after rabbit hole, until eventually, her curiosity got the better of her and uncovered something she was oblivious to: she was not the only Celesti in the multiverse, but merely one shard out of three.

For a long time, she has harbored some feelings that were familiar yet did not belong to her. She felt the Stargazer's frustration towards failing to reach the stars. She also sensed the Planeswalker's fake indifference towards drifting from one place to another and serving one master after the other. It was like her other "parallels" were resonating with her despite not meeting them nor existing in the same world as them.

In the conclusion of her travels to Mondstadt, Celesti stood before the remaining elders of the Hexenzirkel. Barbeloth spoke, "Your mind wishes to learn hydromancy from me, but your heart speaks otherwise. Let go of the Stargazer's desires, for they are not yours. Fate will help you find your true flow."

If the Stargazer had been born in Teyvat, she would've studied under Barbeloth. If the Planeswalker had not served the Abyss Princess, Ivanovna would've been her master. Celesti thought that this wasn't the time for the "what if's" of those who came before her, rather, it was time for her to release the desires she has long buried and denied.

She longs to witness every story and the intertwining connections between them all. She wishes to see every parallel and break down the multifaceted nature of this multiverse. To move forward, one must reflect at the past and present. And though solutions for one's unfinished business might seem out of reach, perhaps looking at other perspectives might fill in the gaps.

Celesti took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She could hear soft ripples of water from the distance, mimicking a melody similar to the one she heard within the slowing waters of Cecilia Garden and the hidden lair of the Bathysmal Vishaps underneath the Dainichi Mikoshi. Beneath her feet was a still, everlasting lake and above her was an empty, dark blue sky. 

Suddenly, the lake began to shatter into multiple shards similar to those of the Mirror Maiden. The empty sky above her also shattered into shards. Little by little, each shard of the lake was filled by a scene from different stories, while each shard of the sky bore witness to events from different worlds, as well as the perspectives of the Stargazer and the Planeswalker.

Once she was satisfied with the glimpses of the fiction below and the reality above, Celesti opened her eyes. Some of the remains of the Hydro power she has suppressed for so long coalesced into a blue orb of light. As a god, she had no need for a Vision, but she fashioned the orb of light into a Hydro Vision anyway. This was not only for blending in with the crowd, but also as a reminder of this day, the day wherein she decided how her Hydro power will manifest once more, and how she will use this to reshape the waters and night skies of the world she has left behind.

"Well then, Beholder," Barbeloth asked with a proud smile. "Are you ready to take up the mantle of Andersdotter?"

[lauvra]

It's barely 24 hours since I decided it would perhaps, maybe, kinda be a good idea if I didn't say anything negative and I'm here to be an asshole. In a New York magazine I see an article titled "Guess what this celeb couple named their baby!" It was a two / three paragraph article. Okay. Now feeling personally attacked, I click on the writers name, want to remember it. She's covered some important subjects but mostly titles like, "this celeb couple's house burned down" and "this celeb couple has broken up" and I'm thinking, damn, I knew people were paid to write about bullshit, but somehow I'm taking it personally today. It's not actually about the writer, I'm glad she's a professional writer paid to do what I've always dreamed of doing, we can all win, she probably hates this shit too. I feel empowered, capable--I do not feel a sense of superiority despite however I'm appearing, but I do feel enabled and realise writing professionally isn't actually inconceivable. It always felt inconceivable. Writing's something I'll do forever happily for free while working day jobs. I've seen millionaires snort lines of ketamine on the filthy cement floor of a warehouse rave, money doesn't draw me to people and thankfully, it no longer drives me away from people either. I want to write, and will, I want to be surrounded by people who explore interesting topics, taboo subjects, people who create life altering, transformative work or water the environment for my capacity to transform and create interesting work. I had a similar experience last week that I'm having this morning, except last week what happened fucked me up. I was reading the writing of the woman it's been said David Foster Wallace had taken as a muse for his short story The Depressed Person, and I was fucking mortified. Questioning whether his work coloured my opinion, very quickly I determined that no, she was awful. She was just awful. She made me worry about how I come across to people--which is incredibly ironic, given DFW's Depressed Person couldn't engage with anyone or anything without dissecting how everything was really always ultimately a reflection on herself or about herself; even her therapist's manicure wasn't her therapist's manicure! Same! Awful! It wasn't just this experience, which led to my rabbit-holing narcissistic female writers of the nineties and questioning the why of my TMI-ness. It was also my annoyance (almost as if a betrayal) that David could put himself in a situation to be jilted by such a shallow, self-absorbed fucking bonehead. But, he got The Depressed Person out of it. Worth it. Awful. I'd done well to manoeuvre away from Negativity Iceberg, but now we're scraping the side. There are many important ways we must die. Competition is important. The nerve to say "I could do that, and with a better angle" is useful.

[365sylviaplath]

Week of 12/2-12/8

astrology forecast + collective tarot card for the week

Card for this week: 5 of Swords (reversed) - feeling like some old wounds will be resurfacing this week..... but they're resurfacing so you can let them go! the focus here is really on reconciliation and lightening the load you carry moving forward. address those conflict areas and pain points!

Transits/Astro forecast: mercury retrograde rages on- hope everyone is hanging on for dear life. piling on a new mess- mars retrograding back into cancer! it won't officially re-enter cancer until the beginning of january, but we feel it coming. this week is feeling like the most hectic of the mercury retrograde stretch, pleeeease give yourself breathing room. mercury retrograde will be over next week, just get the absolute necessities done for now. noticing lots of action on the leo/aquarius axis this week - creativity, innovation, self-expression, individuality all at the forefront as we're slowed down and encouraged to reflect during mercury and mars retrogrades. current retrogrades are mercury, mars, jupiter, chiron, uranus, and neptune (until sunday).

monday 12/2 - venus trine uranus rx - lean into your unconventional desires! you have an increased desire to think outside of the box in relationships, personal style/tastes, aesthetics so on - do some weird shit today. look to 2/7/24 and 8/27/24 for recent examples of this transit to reflect on.

wednesday 12/4 - mercury rx opposite jupiter rx, venus sextile neptune rx, sun square saturn, - woof. lots of conflicting energies- you're dreaming and contemplating and aspiring to truly expansive levels, romanticizing life left and right, but you're also feeling very limited by responsibilities and an inner sense of duty. it's important to face the difficult conversations and/or hard work that needs to be done now. mercury and jupiter have this opposing energy for most of november-december because of the mercury retrograde, do you can to keep your expansive focus to what you can actually handle! remember, where you work hard, you must also play hard. doing the difficult inner work should be internally recognized!!!

thursday 12/5 - mercury cazimi - mercury is generally wreaking such havoc right now, but this is an enlightening day. the disruptions are most likely pointing you in a specific direction, be sure you can take note of these hits of intuition when they come up! random occurrences, dreams, wikipedia rabbit holes, all could be guiding you! consider what excites you. trust your gut above all else and allow yourself the stillness to hear your intuition (this stillness will help you to disregard anxiety masquerading as intuition).

friday 12/6 - mars rx begins, mercury rx square saturn, venus enters aquarius - kind of an exhausting week here. goodness. mars retrograde is here to really push us to slow down. last mars retrograde was 10/30/22 - 1/12/23, all in gemini, so themes from that timeframe will likely be prompted once more. personally, i could do without that! but here we go! you might be feeling extra self critical today and you will be challenged to extend forgiveness toward yourself. while this internal battle rages on, venus enters aquarius - prepare your most eclectic self! the last few weeks of venus in capricorn have been all about practicality and considering what's best for you in relationships, and now we're expanding that query to "how big can i think?". open your mind and imbue value into your connections. are you genuinely friends with your "friends with benefits"? what is necessary in a relationship that truly allows you to be yourself? what if you deserve everything you want?

saturday 12/7 - venus conjunct pluto, sun opposite jupiter rx, neptune goes direct - it is all truly That Deep today. deep existential talks, Big Feelings, aspirations in life that seem unrealistic? all on the table. dream as big as possible! your concept of the world is truly inspired today. this week's energy is so bananas, it's only fair to match its freak. no need to make sense today.

[sufferbuddies]

Not my post or comments -

Sometimes I sit down and I remember all the people I told my weaknesses too. Forces me to remember how each and every one of them used those secret weaknesses against me, because they were pisst off. Yes karma is real. You could call it God. Or the universe. All the same shit. Christians praise Jesus. Muslims praise Allah. Natives and their holy spirit. Buddhist and enlightenment. It is all the same shit.

3,6,9. What the fuck?

I have developed a great deal of trust issues due to a lot of these people, betraying me. It makes it hard to want to tell anyone anything. Then I just think back to that movie 8 mile. When Eminem says " what you gonna tell these people bout me now?" And I start writing.

If I tell everyone my wrongs. They could hate me. If they knew I was a liar, a thief, an aggressor, once upon a time. A drunk, an addict, and a cheat. If they knew i was a sex addict, or just how far i would go into the rabbit hole to get my way. If they knew how much money I owed.

Maybe they won't though. Maybe I can show them a different perspective. The one people don't want to see because they are to busy hiding behind their two-way mirror of judgement.

I know why I am alone.

Nobody wants me, nobody can handle me.

All because I partied so fucking hard...not my fault though, been like that ever since I was a baby. Came out of my mom, slapping titties and motor boaten.

I am a master at self-sabotage, but why? Sometimes people sabotage themselves through ideas, and actions. The universe won't let you fail. You decide when you fail. Sometimes you have to be alone to see all the good right in front of you. Detaching from others is a way to see God in you from God's eyes. Then you can see God in others eyes. Now replace God with universe. Or Allah. Or Jesus. Or Chuck Norris. Or Ra. Or Yourself.

Now, if you will excuse me I have got to figure out where the number 5 even came from.

Comment

I directly relate to the betrayal and trust being used exclusively to harm me.

I also directly understand the isolation.

I think it is forced on a person by the abuse of trust. First this is tiresome and lonesome, and after incredible journeys of will and faith the isolation is found to be the badge of great honor, and thereafter it will be reflected on as a blessing that was misunderstood during much of the painful experience of it.

The goodwill a person shows will generally be a method by which you are tested spiritually and ethically.

You can start to anticipate the "punishment" you face for being genuinely interested in others well being.

That is when the universe is measuring your degree of selfishness behind the acts of goodwill.

As for some, seeming acts of goodwill are used only for the feeding of their own ego. The glorification of self is a dangerous side effect of false goodwill.

Therefore we must illustrate our sacrifice we endure correspondent to the generosity we have for others, by making personal concessions of comfort and excess.

We find after arduous investment of selfless displays of true good intention, that we are rewarded with deeper aspects of the inherent spiritual growth that surpasses and transcends the short term physical gratification that comes from the attainment of pleasure.

To suffer is a blessing. It will be the metric of true growth that will result for us.

5 came from the number of digits on our limbs. The Mayan numeric system was superior to our own, the base 10. The Mayans had developed the integers they base their understanding of numerics on, by looking at the humans body and seeing the same structure in al things. 5 is fundamental and the human number.

We are referred to as the 5 finger beings by certain American indigenous cultures which are some of the oldest known traditions.

I don't know, but I get a feeling that we are on the right path when we are on the right path.