#also how come i was able to do so much writing in february and then nothing else for months. what's up with that

[holdoncallfailed]

i also wrote some fanfic but i thought it unwise to include it on a list of writing under my own name so here is a separate roundup of that. lol.

for the glory of the wind and the water (aka the second chapter of my r/s lighthouse AU which still remains unfinished...the prose is decent tho. for now you can imagine your own ending for it)

at the beginning of all things (lotr)

partly little beasts (lotr)

this is just a modern rock song (my blur rpf swan song......hopefully......i am mildly proud of the writing here tho)

yippeeee thanks to those who continue to indulge in my nonsense it's highly appreciated :-)

[sanjisluvbot]

As Above So Below

Masterlist

Next

Kure Rain X Black fem reader [ All are welcome but I always write with black y/n ]

Synopsis: You had your entire life just beginning, fresh into college, and as a treat, you were going on a trip across the world where you find out what your father truly does for work and why you were able to move into a nice new home. A normal young girl thrust into a world where she needed to relearn everything she ever knew and escape the clutches of an assassin clan who wanted her as a wife.

Warnings: specific warnings will be in each chapter

There had never really been too much talk about what your father did for work, where he went to once a year for five days, and that was simply what it was. All you were told when you asked was that he liked fighting tournaments and his job required him to travel—this year had finally been different for multiple reasons.

Your father got a promotion that had you move out of your two-bedroom apartment that you called home your entire life and the whole family would be coming with him on his yearly endeavors. 

It was your first year of college and spring break was the time when your father would go on his trip. The news was brought to you one afternoon in February and from then on you had spent time planning outfits and hoping that the weather would be warm enough for a short dress.

The day had finally neared and you left your morning class giddily, having multiple appointments to doll yourself up and having your father pay for it was a true treat. 

After running your errands you went home hoping to double check your bags again before dinner. Opening the door your father called out for you from the kitchen. He explained the trip's basic ins and outs, including the tournament.

“Are there going to be any well-known fighters at the tournament? Like from wrestling or something?” you questioned. 

“ Well, I do believe this year there might be a famous wrestler but I don’t think he is on your radar, I also wanted to mention why I go on these yearly trips in the first place,” he explained.

You sat on a chair paying full attention as he went through the betting system, he explained his boss sends him to his place to either represent his company if they had their fighter or simply just to place his bets. The tournament was five days long and companies worldwide including many world elites attended placing billions of dollars in this secret tournament, With the information overload your eyes widened from shock. 

The Kengan association was not only a secret fighting ring for elites which initially shocked you but, the amount of money that goes into these tournaments had your jaw hanging to the ground. The excitement had steadily built up the rest of the night even through dinner. As you were getting ready for bed a crashing sound went through the house. 

“ Have you lost your mind !” You froze in fear hearing your mother scream through the house. Quietly, you tiptoed towards your door placing your ear to hear the conversation happening across the hall. There was a constant back and forth, your mother’s anger and your father raising his voice now and then which usually meant not only was he wrong for whatever he did but—- he was trying to rationalize his misdeeds. 

Your face scrunched up hoping to hear more than just bits and pieces and you finally creaked open your door. You heard the exasperated sighs of your mother, “ How could you even wager something like this, to sign your name on those papers knowing there is a fifty percent chance you will lose it all… and for what?” 

“ I didn’t have much of a choice, you don’t understand! If I didn’t sign something could’ve happened to myself or one of you. I needed to take that chance.” My father said solemnly. 

Your head was now sticking out of your door as your curiosity grew. Hours before the first family trip in years they were fighting and it seemed to be serious, analyzing the conversation you could understand just how idiotic your father had been. He signed his life away with whatever contract and decided to come clean. You wanted to dare yourself to get a little bit closer as their voices returned to regular volume but the possibility of getting caught in their crossfire limited you. 

“ Are you going to tell y/n? Or are you going to let her know only if you lose? Truth is you don’t have the option because if you don’t do it I most certainly will.” 

Your father sighed and you heard him begin whispering, gnawing at your lip didn’t cease, and the excitement of being sneaky was trying to overpower your senses. Releasing your lip you carefully inched out of your room praying to all above that your creaky door wouldn’t be so creaky today. Just as you were about halfway out your door whined, slowly and loudly. 

Thinking fast you ran to your dresser grabbed your cup and continued out the door, your mother soon appeared out of her room. You scrolled mindlessly on your phone hoping she thinks your demeanor is natural and head downstairs. You groaned internally as she followed knowing she was going to question whether or not you heard the conversation. You continued your act as you got your drink and she finally spoke up, “ I know you heard me and your father, I need to tell you the full situation.” You groaned internally and turned around leaning on the edge of the sink. 

“ I wasn’t really eavesdropping you guys are just way too loud…”

She laughed softly and made her way to the cabinet grabbing a wine glass. You watched her like a hawk, she was going to tell you something that could possibly give you a panic attack and this laid-back attitude was already sending alarms to your brain. “ I’ll cut to the chase… Your father decided to sign a contract binding the entire family on whether or not his boss wins or loses,” She said popping her bottle of wine. As the shock began to spread across my features she poured her class silently before making eye contact. 

“ If the fighter we represent loses we will lose everything, no college, no home, nowhere to run and his boss knows that. My theory is that your father’s boss wants to ensure that the losses don’t only affect him and use us as his shield.” 

I couldn’t think clearly, her voice fading out as the reality of my situation began settling in. How could someone who claims that his family is everything— the family who he worked so hard to move them up in life— how could he forfeit our freedom so easily? My vision focused back onto her as she moved towards the island sitting on one of the stools, I quickly moved towards siting beside her. 

“ I heard the last few bits of your conversation earlier, he said he didn’t have a choice but it was his choice to start this gamble in the first place,” you said irritably. 

She sighed and shrugged her shoulder in agreement before continuing, “ Honestly I should’ve known your father was in too deep when we moved into this house only a month after his promotion.” As she spoke my mind felt like it had become clear as if the rose-tinted glasses were taken off. You had always held my father in high regard alongside my mother, they kept you happy and you’ve lived a decent life and never truly had to ask for a thing.

However, this recent promotion after twelve years made no sense when you look objectively. Being sent away to the same place every year for five years, never truly knowing what your father did for work other than �� he is a businessman, you and your mother were purposefully kept out of the truth to ensnare your father in a devious relationship.  

“ I think he owes us the truth, what is really going to happen if we lose the fight? What has he been doing for work and why he got this big promotion.” You declare. She nodded in agreement and continued sipping her wine. There was a comfortable silence between you now as you had no choice but to make peace with the fact that your father was a liar who signed away your entire family’s freedom. 

You both sat there for a while and made small talk about what went on during the day, how you both went out to prepare for the trip, and what you were excited to see. Anything to distract each other from a terrible reality. Sometime thereafter you heard your father softly make his way down the stairs, you looked over to your mother and saw the anger that seethed beneath her soft features, it festered hotter as he grew close. 

When he appeared no one said a word. The sadness in his eyes was clear as day and you could almost hear his thoughts racing, wondering what exactly he was going to say to his wife and daughter that could justify his carelessness. 

“ Before I say anything else— I want to apologize for putting the two of you through this.”

He sat the opposite of us and you had to keep your eyes away from him, not ready to see such distraught emotions your father had never once showed me in all my years. He cleared his throat and proceeded, “ My boss… he is a very powerful man and unfortunately, I am just being shown his true colors. After working so many years I never thought he would make me sign such a contract, I had signed multiple NDAs for the tournament this time of year I didn’t really put much thought.” He further explains how his boss spent years crafting him into the perfect vessel, the one he would sacrifice if everything went to shit.

Your father went in depth about the manipulation he faced, his boss convinced him their relationship was tight nit and he trusted my father with these tournaments because he always got the job done without ever messing up. 

The night continued and the horrible truth unraveled. The contempt for your father was on a rollercoaster, you couldn’t truly decide if you felt sorry for this poor bastard or if you wanted to scream at him till your vocal chords were raw. You settled with keeping quiet as your mother vocalized her anger for his selfishness and reckless behavior. Deep into the night, you all returned to your rooms as the flight would be at nine sharp. Laying down you laugh to yourself, a trip that was supposed to be fun and filled with new adventures was replaced with a trip that would determine the rest of your life.

The morning came fast and you were out the door before you knew it, the brisk air of the morning was waking you up faster than you would like. The drive had been quiet, with no singing and laughing everyone just running scenarios of the worst outcomes through their minds. The airport was emptier than usual and after checking in you were greeted by a group of men dressed like men in black. 

You looked towards your father as they handed him a letter, he quickly opened it to view its contents and then nervously smiled at the men before him. Looking over to me and my mother he explained that these men would be escorting us during our entire trip and we would be riding privately. On a regular day, most people being told they not only had an escort but were riding privately to their destination would be a dream come true but we all could see between the lines. This was to keep us in check and to make sure we knew, there was nowhere to run. 

The plane was luxurious, the seats more comfortable than your own bed and the people doting on you made you almost forget the sinister undertone. Mimosas, full meals, everything you could ask for was just handed to you, who wouldn’t feel like an elite? The flight went smoothly but the guards were stationed all throughout the plane and even though their glasses were tinted you could feel the eyes watching your family’s every move. 

Fourteen hours seemed to go quickly when you had no choice but to sleep or have a starring contest with a group of guards. Once you landed you were escorted in a car bringing you to your first destination. One of the guards told us we would be brought to a hotel to get ready for the night, our luggage would be boarded onto the yacht that was going to bring us to the island. 

Arriving at our destination you could tell you were by the docks, the hotel was small and truly fit for a one-day stay. The room you were provided had two twin beds and a window that showcased a wonderful view of all the boats. A smile made its way to your face seeing such a sight and you decided to relax a while before you would get ready. The guards left us to ourselves for a while and you could feel the tension in your shoulders dissipate. Your father clarified that the guards were only heading out to get the clothing we were going to wear on the boat. 

A few hours passed and the sun soon began its descent, a swift knock came to the door and your mother opened it allowing the guards to enter with bags and boxes full of clothes you couldn’t even name. You were provided formal wear and then told your family needed to be ready to leave before the sun went fully down. The next hour was spent with everyone showering and rushing past one another in and out of the bathroom. Although the situation was far from perfect you had relaxed into it letting excitement run through your veins for the first time in seventy-two hours. 

The dress fitted perfectly along with your shoes, you bit your lip thinking about the fact that your sizes were known to these people and knew that was only the bare minimum of information they had on you and your family. Half an hour later when the moon was shining brightly into the room there was another knock signaling it was time to go. You kept your head down when leaving the hotel wanting to bite back the urge to burst into tears. These next five days would determine everything but you refused to show such vulnerability to evil people who would surely laugh in your face. 

The boat was magnificent, you were quickly escorted into a ballroom where already hundreds of people filled in. The guard urged your father to mingle stating the boss wanted to make new connections and maintain current relations with overseas companies. You held onto your clutch ferociously as you smiled into the crowd, your father making his rounds introducing you to people you’ve read nasty articles about. The entire situation was so surreal it all felt like such a fever dream until your father ran into an old man with onyx-colored eyes.

Chills ran down your spine as you discretely looked at the people surrounding this man, they all had black eyes and a menacing aura surrounded them. The old man smiled shaking hands with your father and you could’ve sworn you seen your father gulp. 

“ It is nice to see you once again Mr. L/n, and you’ve finally brought your family I see.” The man commented. 

“ It’s a pleasure to see you and the rest of your clan once more Mr. Erioh,” 

“ Your boss and I spoke earlier, I am so glad you decided to sign the contract, we both knew you would eventually crack,” The man laughed sinisterly. You bit your lip as you looked at the people surrounding the man, they were surveying your family thoroughly making you want to run and hide where they couldn’t find you. You looked amongst the group and made eye contact with a man with spikey blonde hair. 

He zeroed in on you and a smirk etched its way onto his face. He could tell just how much you didn’t want to be there and you could tell just how much that excited him. You broke eye contact and returned your sight to the floor hoping this interaction would end quickly. From your peripheral, you see the man lean towards the old man and whisper something into his ear and your worst fears come to fruition.

The man cleared and then motioned toward my mother and me before speaking, “ This is your wife and daughter correct?” It felt like the alarm for the purge was sounding off as the spotlight was brought to you. You lifted your head to see everyone with black eyes staring at you and your mother like you were meat. 

“ Yes this is my daughter y/n and my wife // “

Your mother spoke up first, introducing herself, and then clasped your hand tightly in hers silently nudging you to speak up. You robotically introduced yourself and noticed the blonde man fully breaking out into a smile and chuckling to himself while you spoke. 

“ And how lovely they both are— Tell me if I’m correct, you daughter, she is in college?”

“ Yes she is attending one of the top schools, it is her first year,” 

The old man smiled towards you congratulating you on your accomplishments. You thanked him and begged silently for the attention to go toward something else not liking the amount of eyes ( especially the beadily little eyes that were drilling into you from the blonde ) that focused on every ounce of your being. 

“ I hear she has played many sports including boxing, taekwondo, and basketball to name a few,” 

Your father nervously laughed and nodded his head, “ Yes she has always been a very active girl and we made sure she had her outlets,” 

The man hummed before snapping his fingers, the blonde quickly leaned towards him and the man spoke loud enough for everyone to hear, “ Raian I believe you have a lot in common with young y/n please accompany her for the rest of their trip. I think it would be great if the two of you got to know one another a little bit,” 

Your eyes widened and you looked over to your mother in fear. You wanted absolutely nothing to do with this man and the people surrounding him, your stomach turned in knots and your mother squeezed your hand once again before releasing it. You let out a huff in disbelief, she turned away from you and moved closer to your father as a sign for you to go with him. 

Your brain short circuited when the man stood tall in front of you smiling down at you insidiously. He placed his hand on the small of your back turning you towards the rest of the party, he quickly ushered you to walk without a word and you panicked pushing his arm off of you and turning towards your parents for an explanation. 

“ Y/n let Raian escort you for the rest of the night, your father has much to talk about with Mr. Erioh,” Your mother said pleadingly. 

You softly nodded and turned around, if your mother was begging you to just go with it you knew these people weren’t ones you wanted to piss off. Still, this nagging feeling in the back of your throat wouldn’t go away, there was something more to this— this entire fiasco wasn’t as simple as your father explained and your mother was trying her best to keep it together as well. 

You followed the man out of the ballroom silently hearing your heartbeat pounding throughout your eardrums like a symphony of death. The voices began to fade as the man directed you down many halls, there were fewer people as you continued your journey and you were opening your mouth every once and again thinking of what to say first. Finally, as he directed you onto the deck and into fresh air you stopped in your tracks and stared into his blue irises.

“ Do you mind explaining what exactly is going on here?”

🪼: if you’d like to be tagged for this series please give me a thumbs up below ! And lmk your feed back

A/N: Ik you’re probably like… didn’t you say you were gonna post ch 2 of Isekai Yandere op. Yes!!! And I will however, I’m in a bit of a rut because of school and honestly the pressure of living up to thw first part lol. A lot of you really liked it and more people began writing for it so I don’t want this continuation to be underwhelming. I’m going to make a separate post abt everything but I hope you enjoy this like I did! Mwuah 🫶🏽

[hyunnie04]

muse

hwang hyunjin x reader, fluff | m.list

wc: 2.1k

synopsis: you can't decide what to give hyunjin for his birthday. a/n: very self indulgent theme/fic!! i like to draw myself so i thought i'd write about it for his birthday :> i apologize for being a bit late, irl obligations have been kicking my ass lately i'm sorry my hyune but i hope you guys like it! T-T

march was a month full of new beginnings. the year was only starting, january and february flying by like a breeze. remnants of winter still clung in the air and on the branches of the trees, pillowing them with the softness of white snow. it was also getting warmer, the chill no longer having its harsh bite and welcoming the inevitable pinks and greens of spring to come. and for you, new beginnings also meant taking on projects that you never thought you would be able to do. 

hyunjin's birthday was only a few days away, just a little less than a week from now.

you've spent the entire afternoon in a panic after the realization, racking your brain for any ideas, thinking what you could possibly do for his present only to come up empty handed. buying a gift for him is certainly the easier option and there was absolutely nothing wrong with it, seeing as hyunjin was the type of person to appreciate whatever you give him, be it big or small, expensive or not. it was just the matter of wanting to surprise him with a gift that he most likely doesn’t already have.   

you sigh and rest your head on the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling in thought. your eyes silently wander towards the painting that hung on the wall of your tiny apartment.

it was painted by hyunjin himself, a bouquet of your favorite flowers that he had given you for your own birthday. you always loved staring at it, earning a place in your favorite corner of the room.

you often stare at it, delving into the intricacies of each brush stroke, how the colors come together in harmony, the symbolism and sentimentality behind it all, and just how much love was poured into making it. hyunjin truly had a talent in capturing the likeness and essence of his subjects, even the simplest ones.

it was almost tradition, how he makes his closest family and friends paintings when it was their birthday or when there was a special occasion. he used his oil paints that you've become familiar with, the dozens of tubes and pots of color messily strewn all across his little studio back at his dorm.

it was a such thoughtful gesture, painting that was. taking his time out of his day to make something out of nothing, showing that he truly cared about the person. whenever you would visit him on his days off, he was always immersed in his craft. adept fingers swiping over charcoal, hands dipping into paint, a sight you always love seeing. you still remember the photo you took secretly of him in his studio, blissfully painting the night away.

you drum your hands on the arm rest, returning to brainstorm for ideas, still in deep thought. and then it all suddenly clicked. 

you have always admired hyunjin and his work, so why not make him one in return? 

he was always giving others gorgeous pieces of art, he certainly deserved to have his own. you were no picasso and certainly no hyunjin, but the act of gift giving has always been your favorite way of showing your love.

you had a basic grasp of how the medium was used, having watched hyunjin more than enough times. the techniques he had taught you during one of your art sessions together might come in handy as well. the one and only problem was that it left you with such little time to finish it. oh well, it was better to start late than never.

the next day, you picked up and gathered the necessary materials from the art supply shop you knew hyunjin frequented, recognizing the different kinds of paints, sizes and types of canvases, and brushes that he likes to use. you laid them out on your living room floor upon arriving home, finally starting on your little project. 

the remainder of the days leading up to his birthday were spent awake during ungodly hours into the night, full of endless trials and errors, scrapped ideas and tons of caffeine. your living room became your makeshift studio, a tarp laid down the center to catch the unavoidable mess you surely would be making. learning a completely different and unfamiliar medium from what you were used to was difficult, but you were determined and your mind was set.

-

hyunjin was getting worried. it had been a few days since he last saw you, nonetheless heard anything. he understood that the two of you were quite busy people, not always finding the time to talk. but after five missed calls and maybe a dozen texts over the span of two days and no reply? he was ill at ease.

maybe he was overreacting, but he knew that you would've at least sent something to acknowledge his texts. he decided to ask his friends about your whereabouts, asking if anyone had contact with you, only earning head shakes in return.

"have you tried going to their place?" chan asks the ravenette, leaning his back on the dance practice room’s mirrored walls. hyunjin huffs, mouth forming into a slight pout, shaking his head no. practice was getting more challenging as the comeback and schedules started to pile up, his attendance becoming crucial.

"you can go later, we don't have anything scheduled for tomorrow." his hyung removes his cap, fluffing his curls underneath. hyunjin breathes out a sigh of relief, sending him a quick thank you.

the older of the two nods in understanding, reaching a hand out to hyunjin upon standing on his feet. back to practice they went.

it was the night before his birthday. getting stubborn paint off your brushes was the worst, is what you've learned these past several days of non-stop painting. even with the appropriate solvent, the paint can and is still clinging stubbornly onto its fibers; leaving you in the bathroom sink to scrub them tediously under soap and some warm water.

your hands start to ache with all the scrubbing, perhaps growing tired as well from the painting, but you'd like to think that the momentary pain was worth it. the composition of it was finally starting to come together. the work flow became easier once you figured out a concept and a theme you were happy with, inspiration and motivation coming in effortlessly now. it only needed some last few touches, you could only hope he would like it as much as you ended up liking it too.

after the brushes were cleaned to the best of your abilities, you pat them dry, leaving them on the counter for the time being.

"y/n? are you home?" your hands still at the sound of the front door opening. it was undeniably hyunjin's voice. 

you and hyunjin lived apart despite dating for quite a long while. it was a mutual agreement that it would be more convenient for the two of you to live separately, his job requiring him to live closer to his place of work. you gave him a spare key so he could come by whenever he liked, but you didn’t expect him at all to drop by today.

you originally thought nothing of it for a moment, even brushing it off. but then the panic started to set in. he would see it right away, the canvas sitting right in front of the living room with no cloth to cover it. if you go out now, you might have a chance of covering it up before he finds out.

rushing out of the bathroom after wiping your hands dry, you've quickly noticed how it had suddenly gone quiet. you peak around the corner, seeing him standing idly in the middle of your living room, still unaware of your presence.

it was too late. you see the familiar ebony locks greet you upon arriving. his mouth practically hanging open as he stares at the easel facing him, winter coat slung heavily on his left arm.

"surprise?" you flush upon seeing his head whip towards your figure, leaned against the arch of the doorway. it was also a little embarrassing, not having the time to clean up. 

"is...that me?" he says in quiet disbelief. you can’t quite decipher if his reaction was good or bad but you nod, coming up to stand beside him. he stares at the canvas once more, no doubt taking in the details of it. you start to feel a little anxious under his gaze, silently wondering if he likes it. 

"it's not done yet, that's why it looks a little rough." you pause, hesitation lacing your voice. he would eventually find out, having already seen it. “it was supposed to be your surprise birthday present.” is what you ended up saying, speech meek and low, barely audible. 

his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline as he turns his eyes back to you. a noticeable redness staining his cheeks.

“wow,” he breathes out, tilting his head closer to gaze on the finer details. hyunjin pauses for a moment before replying. “this is beautiful.” his voice light, feathery. his fingertips, slender and lithe, hovering above as if to trace it. relief washed over you hearing him say it, your nerves easing and cheeks warming in return.

“you think so?” you purse your lips before smiling gratefully at him, noting the masking tape still plastered on its borders and small parts of it still unblended but thank him earnestly nonetheless. 

“i figured since you always make people art on their birthday," you took to move to the couch, the ache in your body starting to take its toll. "i thought i'd give back and make you one too." 

hyunjin was, in short- moved. the portrait was of him sitting in his art studio, the sun falling and spilling on his form peaking through the windows. although his elegantly curved back was turned and it was impossible to see his face, it was unmistakable that it was him.

he was truly not expecting anything, he was just happy with the prospect of just being with you on his special day. the thoughtfulness, sentimentality, and affection that came with making gifts with him in mind, he didn’t think it was possible to love you more than he already did. his eyes are lost in yours, the contours of his handsome face highlighted by the dim lights of your living room.

“i know it's bad but-”

hyunjin doesn’t let you continue, pulling you into a sudden kiss, throwing his coat on the couch haphazardly. your immediate response was to wrap your hands around his neck, hands wandering up and towards his hair. you could feel his smile on his mouth as he kisses you, grabbing the nape of your neck to steady your form. the kiss is intoxicating, feeling the love upon his soft movements, his warmth contrasting the chill from outside.

when he parts from you, he’s giddy, and jumping around like the happiest ferret you’ve ever seen. the wisps of hair fall to his temple, framing his beautiful face. “thank you, darling.”

“even if it’s not done yet- i love it,” he presses another kiss to the side of your mouth. “so much.” you could only laugh in response, completely flustered and enamored by his reaction.

hyunjin pulls you towards his chest, both arms locking around your shoulders. you could smell the perfume he always likes to wear. “is this why you weren’t picking up your phone?”

“my phone?” you pat your pockets in search, only to find it missing. your mind must’ve slid away, not knowing at all where it was but you could search for it later. “oh, yeah. m’ sorry.” the apology is muffled by the fabric of his shirt. he hums, his worries fading. you thought he was going to let you go, but he retaliates by resuming to press more kisses into you.

“okay, okay! thank you. i’m glad you like it.” you untangle his long arms from your body in order to stand up while hyunjin watches you do so, curiosity in his eyes. you already miss the warmth he radiated. 

“but, technically-” you start by grabbing the easel and placing it near the wall and out of his view, grabbing the stray tubes of paint off the floor and putting them away in their basket. “it’s still not your birthday.”

his plump lips form into a pout as he continues to watch you clean up. “and i’m not quite done with it yet so you have to wait.” placing a quick ‘boop’ to his nose, you head to the bathroom to freshen up for bed.

hyunjin checks his wrist watch as he follows you suit, his white teeth poking out. his arms catch you once again, wrapping you from behind. "it's 12."

amused by his antics, you let out another laugh before turning around in his hold to face him again, pressing a kiss on his soft lips.”in that case, i’ill finish it as soon as possible and-”

"happy birthday, my dearest."

-

please reblog or leave a comment if you like my work! it motivates me to keep writing ♡ all works are written by hyunnie04, please do not repost on other sites.

[zepskies]

Hello. I was wondering if you could write an imagine in the BMD-verse (been following it for a while now; love, love, love it, by the way!) where Ben cries?

Like something really bad happens in general or to the Reader, and he losses it? I mean, personally, I have never known this man to cry, and I would love to see you conjure up something that could possibly elicite that reaction from him.

But no pressure - will definitely understand if you don't want to write it!

Oooh, so you really wanna kill me, huh? 🫠😭😭

Lol it's okay, thank you for loving Break Me Down!! It's one of my favorite story verses that I've been able to create on here. ❤️❤️

This request was difficult for me on multiple levels, but I think I was able to pull it off? (I'll let you be the judge.) This is set in the BMD-verse, shortly after "Love Actually."

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x Reader

Word Count: 2,400 Tags/Warnings: Major angst, show-level violence, hurt/comfort, "twist" ending (you'll want to read until the end, trust me).

Imagine: Ben loses you.

Ben restrained another sigh when he realized you were no longer walking next to him.

He turned and saw you stopping in another damn kiosk, this time looking at a selection of Pashmina scarves. As if you didn’t have enough clothes.

“We’re not here for a damn shopping spree,” he called after you.

He ignored the people who glanced at him as they walked past, a couple of them even shooting him an annoyed look.

One didn’t just stop in the middle of a busy sidewalk in New York City, but as with most societal protocols, Ben couldn't really give a fuck.

He almost started tapping his foot. Instead, he crossed his arms as he glared in your general direction. You were smiling and chatting with the woman selling her wares as you finished the transaction.

Ben at least could admire the view of you bent over in those tight jeans and ankle boots. You also wore the dark green winter coat he bought you last month, lined with faux fur to keep you warm.

When you eventually came back to him, you shot him an amused smile. You held a new scarf in shades of green and blue, to match your coat. But you also held out a new pair of leather gloves for him.

“Here you go, Grumpy. I didn't forget about you,” you teased. He raised a wry brow at you and took the gloves. He inspected them with a half-critical eye.

“And how much did these cost, five cents?”

You rolled your eyes and kept walking. He caught up with you and slipped the gloves into his pocket.

“My hands don’t get cold anyway,” he reminded you. And you often complained that his body heat was like a radiator, especially at night. Although, you hadn’t been complaining since the winter turned frigid this February.

“All right, whatever. Just don’t say I never get you anything,” you quipped. “Besides, you know you love to accessorize.”

A smirk pulled at Ben’s lips. The gloves were a half-assed gift, but he still wore the watch you got him for Christmas proudly on his wrist. That was a nice silver Rolex.

“All I know is, we’d better not be late for this damn meeting,” he said. “I don’t wanna hear Mallory’s fucking mouth.”

The two of you had made a day of coming into the city, hitting a nice brunch spot and ice skating at Rockefeller center before your date had been rudely interrupted—by a call for a new mission.

Grace Mallory had been a bit cryptic on the phone, but it had something to do with the mess Ben left of the drug cartels in South America. After they got back to the States, Ben left that “business” behind…he just hadn’t thought of how that would shake out in Colombia.  

So now, you two were headed to the Supe Affairs building. You slipped your arm around his, while his hands were in his pockets. You looked up at him with a smile.

“Try to enjoy the little things, Ben,” you told him. “We had mimosas and some bougie ass lobster tails with our eggs this morning. I skated circles around you on the ice. And now we’re going to get some work done.”

“On our day off,” he retorted.

“To be fair, you made the mess, Mr. Kingpin,” you pointed out. “We’ve just gotta clean it up…as usual.”

“Hey," he eyed you. But you both knew the warning had little heat behind it.

He still reached for your cheek and brushed his thumb across it. He felt how cold your face was, and he stopped for a moment in the middle of the sidewalk. Neither of you cared when pedestrians gave you dirty looks as they passed by.

Maybe you were right though. Maybe he should take stock of the small moments. Ben held your face with both hands and caressed some warmth back into your skin.

Your smile softened, and your eyes closed when his lips found their way to your forehead. He then took the newly bought scarf out of your hand and wrapped it comfortably around your neck.

“What a gentleman,” you said, with a small grin.

Ben smirked down at you…until his face fell.

He heard the whistle of the bullet before he saw it.

It took him another second to move, grabbing you and shielding you with his entire body when it hit his back. The bullet itself bounced harmlessly off his skin, but the inner compartment of Novichok exploded like a small smoke bomb. The smell was too familiar to him to be anything else.

Ben coughed and was forced to push you away from him before the gas reached you. You yelped and almost tripped on your feet, but you scrambled back against the wall of a drycleaners. Your wide eyes met his as his knees buckled; the gas had clouded around his head.

“Run!” he shouted through fits of coughing.

You hesitated, for just a second. But when another bullet ricocheted into the wall behind you, near your head, you ducked and had to take off running.

You wove through the busy sidewalk, pushing people out of your way as you went. Whoever was after him this time, you had a feeling these were the people Ben had pissed off in Colombia.

Fuck! You sprinted past an alleyway and saw the hand coming for your arm, but even when you turned, there was another man, dressed a black military-style uniform with his face covered by a black mask, waiting to grab you from behind.

It was muscle memory. You released an elbow into the man’s neck, a punch straight into his teeth and nose, then kicked his knee out with the heel of your boot.

You grabbed your gun from under your jacket and would've shot him, except the next man wheelhouse kicked it out of your hand. You stepped back on instinct, ducking the following punch, and the rest of his arm to run in the opposite direction.

The first man pointed a large automatic gun straight in your face. You gasped and put your hands up. With a quick glance in either direction, you realized that they’d cornered you.

Your hands were pulled behind your back by someone else. That’s when they started dragging you toward a black SUV parked in the corner.

Except that car was soon destroyed, by an old Honda Civic being shoved into it. The SUV's hood constantined like an accordion.

You looked up with wide eyes, and there stood Ben, at the crossroads of the alley. He was furious.

“Soldier Boy,” greeted the man who once again held the automatic gun poised at you. He pulled down his mask, revealing the tan face of a middle-aged man.

He moved over to you and grabbed your arm from his subordinate. He raised the gun to your back. With one press of his finger, your insides could become Swiss cheese.

Your jaw clenched as you tried to take in even breaths. You focused on Ben. His green eyes met yours, and briefly you caught the worry behind them before his steely gaze moved back to the man who held you.

“Pretty ballsy, Reyes,” Ben said. His voice was a drawl, more controlled than he felt. “You really thought this was gonna go down that easy?”

Reyes scoffed. “You’re the ballsy one. Taking off with all that product you stole.”

“You’ll have to take up with the CIA on that one,” Ben replied. “They confiscated all the smack from my place. Probably reselling it to a few hobos down the street. You’re welcome to check under the bridge over there.”

He gestured in the direction of the Hudson River.  

Reyes shrugged. The sound of a gun’s safety being clipped back resounded through the alley. You felt the vibration of it on your back. Your eyes closed for a moment.

“Bad news for her,” he said.

"Hey," Ben snapped. "There's no fucking need for that."

"I think I'll decide what we need," said Reyes. Your lips pursed as the gun dug into your back. "Maybe it's your bitch's insides at your feet."

Ben slowly raised a placating hand. Though his gait was still relaxed and arrogant, as always, you knew it was a well-crafted act. To hide his anger. His fear. To seem in control of himself, and to reinforce the intimidating presence he still was, even unarmed.

“Listen. If it’s money you want, we can work it out,” Ben replied.

His eyes once again found yours. He could see you were holding your breath. You were good at hiding it, but he knew you were scared. He wanted to tell you that he had this handled. That everything would be all right.

He focused on Reyes again. The other man considered the supe with a tilt of his head. He sucked his teeth and spit on the ground, out of the corner of his mouth. It was mixed with a bit of blood from when you'd punched him in the teeth.

“Okay, my friend,” said Reyes. “Let’s work this out. Pull out your phone.”

Ben made slow movements in grabbing his phone from his pocket. They all stepped further into the alley to avoid prying eyes and discussed the transfer of funds, and how much was fair. Ben claimed he was giving him a deal with his first offer.

Reyes demanded three times that amount. Ben raised his brows...but he complied. The money transferred from his bank account.

“Okay, we’re fucking done,” Ben snarked. He gestured at you with his eyes. “Let her go.”

In his mind, he was already contemplating how thoroughly he'd rip Reyes apart for this. After you were safe. He'd have a first class ticket to Medellin by tonight, ready to Colombian-necktie this cocksucker.

Reyes sighed through his nose. There was still about ten feet between him and Ben. He didn't seem to think it was enough. He took the gun off your back and backed up with you a few steps. Eventually, he released your arm.

“Come ‘ere, sweetheart,” Ben reached a hand out, beckoning for you. You met his gaze once again, and let out a subtle breath.

You took three hesitant steps forward.

And the gunshots echoed horribly through the alley.

As it turned out, Reyes always had an escape plan. You were merely the distraction.

It proved effective, as Ben’s protest rang out as soon as the bullets fired. He raced forward and caught you as you stumbled, but his hands soon became coated in your blood; it fled from your back in thin rivulets.

You gasped and clung to his arms. His ears rang with the sound, along with tires squealing and shouts and police sirens. All he could focus on was the color draining from your face.

Both of your breaths came out ragged as he slid with you down to his knees. He brushed your hair away from your face, even as his blood-covered hand stained your cheek. Your pained eyes drew up to his face. You tried to speak, but you didn't have the strength.

“I hear the sirens. They’re coming for you, take you to the hospital,” he promised. His voice was rough, but his throat was tight. His eyes scanned over you. “All you need is my blood and…Christ. Fuck it all.”

He laid you down on the dirty asphalt and hurriedly yanked up his coat sleeve until it ripped. It exposed his arm. He was about to drag a blunt nail across his own skin to bleed into you.

“Ben.” Your fingers twitched against his knee.

When he looked at your face, there was no longer life in your eyes.

His own were wide, almost uncomprehending. His breathing was harsh as empty hands fell to his thighs. His head felt heavy, though his ears were still ringing.

He drew enough strength in his hand to wipe the blood from your cold cheek…but your face was beginning to blur.

Or not, he realized, as the sting in his eyes took him by surprise.

In a fit of mania, he gathered you back up in his arms and ignored the wetness covering your back. He held you, impossibly tight. Tighter than he’d ever held you, because he was alone in the alley…because he was alone again.

And it was his own fault.

His eyes squeezed shut against the burn, but it was futile. Everything was. His breaths were sharp and stifled as pain tore inside. A pain worse than anything the Russian's could've inflicted on him.

His lips pressed against your forehead, trembling there. The first drops of wetness rolled down his cheek. He couldn't stop it from happening, but then again. He guessed he truly was a failure, after all.

You made the mess…

His first tears had been spent at his mother’s funeral, when he stood alone at her gravestone.

His last ones would fall and die with you.

“Ben,” your voice was soft but insistent.

He finally woke with a start. A sharp inhale through his nose.

He had been sleeping on his side. Before he even truly registered where he was, in the safety of his bedroom, he turned his head toward you.

His eyes found your face in the dark, over his shoulder. Your hair was frizzy from sleep. The strap of your nightgown had fallen off one shoulder. Your face looked bleary and tired, but you frowned in concern.

“You okay, baby?” you asked. Your hand soothed across the dewy skin on his arm.

Ben’s throat constricted. He was starting to remember bits and pieces of the dream…the nightmare. He rubbed at his eyes, then dragged a hand over his mouth.

“Yeah,” he said at last.

“Hmm.” Your gaze narrowed at him. “You sure?”

Ben had only enough energy in him to nod in response. His heart was still racing. Maybe you sensed that, because you leaned onto his arm and dropped a hand down his chest. You kissed his bare shoulder with soft lips, and he couldn’t help himself.

He raised a hand to cup the back of your head. He let out a long, relieved sigh through his nose, closing his eyes. Then he turned onto his back and brought you closer, with an arm slipping around your frame and pulling you against his chest. You made a sound of surprise, but you went willingly.

You brushed the sweaty strands of hair away from his face and pressed a kiss against his neck, to his jaw, his cheek and above his brow. He accepted it all and tried to calm his breathing with the feeling of your touch, and the smell of your flowery soap that lingered on your skin.

With a hand still cupping your head, he guided your lips to his. He claimed you slowly, but with purpose. You answered him by tilting your head, deepening the kiss for a moment.

You parted from him just as slowly. You knew everything wasn’t okay, but you also knew it wasn’t the time to push him for an answer.

Maybe in the morning, you thought. …I’ll make pancakes. Haven't done that in a while. And he’s always happier with something sweet.

You rested contentedly against his warm chest and let his heartbeat, gradually slowing back into a steady rhythm, lull you back to sleep.

Ben tangled his fingers into your hair. He laid one more kiss on the top of your head.

And for damn sure, he was going to cancel that trip into the city tomorrow.

AN: I know, I know. The "it was all a dream" thing is super cheesy, but I couldn't leave it on heartbreak. I just don't have it in me with these two. 🥲❤️‍🩹

Read the Sequel:

A friend of mine requested a sequel to this imagine: "You confront Ben about his fears."

Soldier Boy Masterlist

Main Masterlist

BMD Tag List (Part 1):

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[kayhi808]

I got an ask for ya. I don't think anyone has asked this but I apologize if answered this...

What about if Mama gets pregnant? Will Abbie Rose be happy? How will Bucky react? Maybe he thought he would be able to get Mama pregnant because of his Hydra past. U can do with this what u will. Thank u, and I love our little family. Superb writing as always. B

Thank you, B!! 🥰 Wow! There's so much here to work with. Someone did ask about Abby being a big sister. In theory, she's so excited...in reality there might be big adjustment / jealousy issues our little family will need to work through. I'll try to find a link. Proud Papa Toys for New Baby

You're sitting on the bathroom floor, the chill from the tiles seeping into your skin. Tears silently tracking down your cheeks. You just finished a battle with nausea & dry heaves.

You jump at the light knocking on the bathroom door, "Doll? Are you ok?" Bucky could hear your heavings & stuttered breath. "Can I come in?" He tries the door and it's locked. He's about to panic when he hears the soft click of the lock. He slowly opens the door to find you on the floor & he closes the door, not wanting Abby to see you like this. "What's wrong?" Kneeling by your side, rubbing little circles onto your back.

"I got sick."

"Do you want me to take you to the med bay?" After the wedding, you and Abby moved into The Tower with Bucky.

"I'm also...late."

"Late for what?" You roll your eyes and cry harder. "Oh. OH!"

"I'm about 2 1/2 weeks late and..and I just threw up. I didn't think too much about being late because the stress of the wedding, moving here..."

In a stunned whisper, "And I told you I couldn't have children."

"You said that with HYDRA...the serum..."

"Its not possible."

"You're the only man I've been with! If I'm pregnant, the baby is yours."

Bucky frowns at you, "Of course the baby is mine! Did you think I'd question that?!"

"I don't know! I'm just scared."

"Shit," gathering you in his arms, "Doll, you're so..."

"Don't call me crazy!"

Kissing you on the forehead, "Wouldn't dream of it." His hand rest on your abdomen. "Do you really think you could be pregnant?"

Your sobs turn to hiccups, "I think I am."

Bucky picks you up and carries you back to bed, "We'll get you tested first thing in the morning, but for now, try and get more sleep. Don't worry about Abby, I'll get her ready for school & drop off. Get your rest." He pulls you back up against him. His hand still resting on your belly.

******

"Any word?" You jump at the sound of Bucky's voice from your doorway. "Sorry."

"Not yet." Bucky leans down for a kiss.

"Were you able to keep anything down today?"

"I had toast and some soup. I'm good." Your phone rings and caller ID say it's Dr. Cho. "It's her! It's her!"

Bucky runs back to shut the door & rushes to your side. "Mrs. Barnes."

"Hi Dr. Cho. I have you on speakerphone, Bucky is here."

"Sargent Barnes. Congratulations are in order." Both you and Bucky turn to each other wide eyed. "Baby Barnes should arrive early February of next year."

"Oh my God."

"Holy Fuck," you swat Bucky's arm. "Sorry! That's great news! Thank you so much."

"It is great news but I will be classifying this as a high risk pregnancy. We don't know the effects the serum will have on the baby. You'll need to be monitored closely."

"Of course, whatever you think is best!"

"I'll have a checkup calendar sent to you and Sgt Barnes."

"Yes, thank you so much!" You hang up the phone and Bucky's already swept you up in his arms.

"I put a baby in you." He laughs, "A super baby."

@waywardhunter95 @wintrsoldrluvr @rebeccapineapple @ordelixx @onceithough @thezombieprostitute @ilovetaquitosmmmm @julvrs @unaxv @s-a-v-a-n-a-34 @winterslove1917 @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @mrsnikstan @hisredheadedgoddess28 @itsteambarnes @otterlycanadian @purplecolordeer @samsgirl93 @buckitostan @littleredwolf @mcucatlady @silas-aeiou @hzdhrtss @florie1 @thecubanator2 @enchantedbarnes @selella @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @cjand10 @pancake-05 @ozwriterchick @crazyunsexycool @baw1066 @nommingonfood @jvanilly

[iloveoldermen-posts]

Pen-pals

Warnings: only the hapter to start things going and to set the vibe, part one of at least 10, i have not proof read ୨୧

Chapter 1 – Greetings.

He was forced into it, no way in hell would he ever do it on his own. But his also forced councillor thought it would help him to have connections to the outside world and ensured him that if it didn’t work out within two months, he could stop trying and never do it again. But he couldn’t tell her that or it would be ‘cheating.’

Which would probably deter people but as a chronic people-pleaser, I just couldn’t let that run. So, I tried my absolute hardest to fill my letters with copious amounts of joy so that there’s no way he couldn’t write back.

January 13th

--

Dear ‘Ghost’,

I was only told your call-sign to ensure maximum confidentiality – rules right. They told me that you were the only one who could tell me your real name so if you ever feel comfortable enough, I will happily learn all about you!

Here is some information about me; my name is Y/N, I am always helping people out for work (quite interesting if I do say so myself), I love to bake in my free time and my favourite time of the year is autumn (I just LOVE the mix of weather).

I always add some questions to these letters.

Why is your call-sign Ghost?

What’s your favourite thing to do when you aren’t deployed?

And finally, a simple one – what’s your favourite colour?

From,

       Y/N.

P.S I was told you would probably take around a week – two to respond so don’t feel rushed to write back, I know how taxing your job tends to be :)

January 29th

--

Dear Ghost,     

I hope you are doing well, I’m not sure if you received the letter I sent as you haven’t replied so I’m trying again just to make sure. My name is Y/N and I have a black Labrador that I love so much. 

I have a hectic work schedule and I am always flying all over the world to help people. So I won’t always be able to write to you consistently. I hope that’s okay!

Instead of questions, I thought I would tell a little joke;

What do you call a shipment full of military-issued T-Rexes?  SMALL ARMS. 

:) hope you enjoyed that one because there are way more to come.

From

 Y/N.

February 13th

--

Dear ‘Ghost’,

This will be the last letter I am writing to you as I believe someone could get through to you, it just won’t be me. So, I have requested to be swapped buddies. 

I think it might be someone who’s in your unit, I think his name is John or Johnny – something like that. And I’m told I will be a better suit to them and their personalities.

So I hope you stay safe and are able to speak with someone who you can let your guard down too; even though they will never be as funny as me. Teehee :)

From

Y/N.

I’m quite sad that it didn’t work out as I thought we could have both benefited from it, but you know what they say – it is what it is. And at the end of the day, he needs someone he can truly feel comfortable talking to and I never did get to know him so it doesn’t affect me much in those terms. Even if a month was wasted by waiting for a never-to-arrive letter. Well the true term would be never-to-be-write-or-sent but we digress.

The birds hum a beautiful harmony as I post the final letter through the poorly painted post-box on the end of my road. As I turn to leave, the clouds above me start weeping uncontrollably at my departure.

I’ve never been one for signs but that can’t have been a coincidence.

My asks are currently open so get the requests in, and check out my masterlist.

They first two chapters will be mostly letters and then will move to texts and irl interactions - at least I plan...

[evertidings]

— JANUARY 2024.

accomplishments.

i meant to write this yesterday. and the day before. and, well, yes, also the whole weekend. it's not much of a monthly update when we're already a week into february, but we're ignoring it. time flies; it's so crazy.

i hate to admit it but january was not a good month for me in terms of writing. i really thought my last semester at school would be easy (ha) so i was overestimating how much i could get done. the truth is, i haven't touched when twilight strikes for a while. and it pains me heavily. i wish i was working on that rather than my essays (boooo!!!) but i can't afford a fail when i'm so close to graduating. so, reluctant priorities. in an ideal world, chapter eleven would come out this month. in reality, i have no date. i would love march, but my progress has been so slow i can't guarantee it.

to speak on the little i have written, though, i think it's going really well. i'm diving into some complicated things and while it's challenging, it's also been super fun. i might have mentioned this last month but a lot of things are reaching a culminating point. because of that, the chapter is definitely more plot-driven than fluff, but (don't worry!) at the same time, it's still very character-driven. i don't think it'd be a 'me' chapter if it wasn't. Blane, K and Rylan have whole scenes (K and Rylan are in one scene together, Blane is on their own; i've yet to decide how or if I'm doing it for A and N). i'm really excited for you to read them.

finally, as some of you may know, February is also the month of my anniversary. it'll be three years since i posted my intro post here on tumblr and damn, like i said, time flies. it's funny because i thought it'd be done by now, but hey, here i still am, writing chapter eleven and *struggling* with it. usually, i post some sort of anniversary special, but since i'm so behind this year, i haven't been able to get a start on it. i'm really sorry about this—i was so excited about it too because i know exactly what i want to do. i still plan for it to be released, but just not on the deadline of the actual day, unfortunately. so if anyone was looking forward to that, you'll have to wait.

on a lighter note, i hope you're all doing well! hopefully, february will be kinder to me in terms of assignments <3

[dulceslilacwine]

black beauty

dallas winston x reader

word count: 1.9k

warnings: none! just some angst i guess?

authors note: this is sort of based on lana del rey's song black beauty :) i think i'll be basing a lot of my oneshots off of songs until i can conjure up some more plots! also, i know the grammar isn't perfect let me live!!! btw I'm not sure if I'll write a part two to this or not

years had passed since you last saw dallas, it hurt more than anything keeping away from him, but you knew you couldn't do anything about it. memories of the last night you had spent with him haunted you, kept you awake at night, and sometimes brought you to tears to the point where all you could do was lay in bed, staring at the wall wondering if you could've done anything to keep your relationship.

eventually, you learned to live with it. you didn't cry every night, you could sleep a few more hours than before, the pain was still there but you learned to numb it as much as you could. you decided to turn your heartbreak into something else, something that people would listen to, that he would possibly hear.

your friends all thought you were talented, that out of all the greasers you had something going, you would get out of tulsa and live freely, without a worry in the world. many told you to go to open mic nights, sign up for talent shows, sing in the church, anything or anywhere that someone other than just your friends would be able to listen to your voice, but you always refused. you had thought about wanting to sing but quickly snapped out of those thoughts as it would be near impossible to make it big, especially considering where you were from. the only person who ever got you to attend an open mic night was dallas, at a random bar in town.

the two of you were in your room, an elvis record played in the background while you talked, it was getting late and you were starting to get bored after being inside all day, dallas just arrived a few minutes after you decided to call it a night. he suggested going to a bar, and you agreed, wanting to spend some more time with him and he drove to the bar which had a notice on the door saying "open mic night, come sing!"

the two of you talked, and he drank a beer while you sipped on a daiquiri, not with much enjoyment but as the night went on, you and dallas judged the singers, people watched and enjoyed each other's company, and you began to like the drink. when you were on your second one, dallas suggested you go and sing a song. you said no about five times, telling him you were nervous.

"come on, doll, i've heard you sing before, you've got a pretty voice," he told you, he had heard you sing before, but that wasn't the reason behind the nervousness, you had never sung in front of a crowd of people you didn't know, the thought of them not liking how you sounded frightened you. another person went up to sing, you had just finished your second daiquiri, and once again, dallas suggested you sing.

you gave in because of the liquid courage, you put your name on the list with the song you wanted to sing, stupid cupid by connie francis. it seemed fitting as it was the beginning of february and everyone had been singing songs relating to love, whether it be about a broken heart or a love confession, you decided to be on theme.

you had your moment, up on the makeshift stage, some people sang along quietly, and you earned some claps and whistles, satisfied with yourself you went back to where dallas was sitting.

"told you, the people liked your singin','' he told you, his arm wrapping around your waist before giving you a kiss on the cheek.

that night had been just a little over two years. the night you remember the most out of all was the last night you spent together.

for two weeks before that, you had felt him getting distant. you tried not to worry so much over it, you two had been together for almost a year and you constantly heard people talking about how sometimes in long relationships there will be times one person can be distant, there isn't a spark like there was before, one or the other could get bored but it was all a matter of staying together and working through these times. you thought it was just that, so you didn't pay any mind to it.

he came over to talk to you, that was what he said when he called to check if you were home. when you opened your door and saw his face, you noticed he didn't smile at you like he usually did. with no kiss from him, he walked in and you two sat in your living room.

"I think it's the best for us to end things, doll." you saw in his face how he noticed your eyes were starting to tear up. "why, dal?'' you asked with a shaky voice, hoping you wouldn't cry in front of him. "it's for the better of us," he told you, he had an expression you couldn't read, he looked so calm but at the same time bored.

all you could do was nod, walk him to the door, and whisper an "I love you," before closing the door. the days after seemed like a blur, you couldn't sleep, you couldn't eat, and you didn't want to do anything, not read, write, listen to music, or get out of bed.

but that was months ago and today, you were going to meet with a journalist for an interview that would be going in the newspapers. you were excited, after all, you couldn't believe how far you had gotten in only a few months after the release of your first record.

"so, tell us about the song people have been most interested in, black beauty, what is it about?" the man asked. i took a moment to think about how to word everything because that was the first song i wrote and it meant a lot to me. "it's mostly about myself but a partner i had a few years back inspired it. things didn't end in the best way, i was left with a lot of questions and it left me in a horrible state for a few months, i forgot how beautiful life was because i let the sadness consume me. eventually, i started to live normally, well as best as one could after such a big heartbreak," i joked, trying to not sound too serious. "i wrote it after looking back on everything and thinking 'wow I was really in a bad place' and once again turning that into even more of a realization of me being able to enjoy life once again.”

౨ৎ

"you won't believe who's on the paper!" ponyboy told johnny, walking into the living room of his house and taking a seat next to his friend.

"who?" johnny asked, taking a peek at the newspaper pony was holding. he smiled upon seeing the black-and-white picture of the girl the gang had spent so much time around before.

the pair read the newspaper, making comments here and there on the answers to the questions. when they had finished reading the last column about the song black beauty they turned to look at each other seemingly connecting some dots in their heads. "do you think she wrote it about dally?" ponyboy asked and before johnny could answer they heard the door open, revealing dallas who was smoking a cigarette.

they turned quiet, dally took notice and saw the newspaper in ponyboys hand. "anything good?" he asked, taking a seat on the couch. "see for yourself," ponyboy answered, handing him the newspaper.

dallas raised an eyebrow at him as he grabbed the paper and read it. he thought it was gonna be some boring story, but his eyes widened as he read your name and about your song.

he regretted leaving you, it was always a constant thought in his head even after two years. the guilt of it ate at him every day, especially when he heard the gang talking about how you hadn’t been doing well after the break-up, they avoided saying your name or mentioning how you were doing, but sometimes when dally would leave for a moment they took it as a chance to talk about you.

it hurt him to know he was the cause of your pain but he knew it would be for the better. he thought you deserved better, somebody who could give you more.

ponyboy and johnny watched him as he read the paper trying to grasp what was going through his mind.

“I’m glad she’s doin’ good.” dallas said, handing the paper back to pony.

“do you think it’s about you?” ponyboy asked. dally looked at him for a moment before replying. “maybe,” he said with a shrug. he knew it was about him, he knew how you wrote poems when something affected you, he thought only this time you chose to make something bigger out of the pain.

although you got where you wanted to be, there was always something missing. you thought of him every day, what he was doing, how he was feeling, if he even remembered you. in every letter you wrote to one of the guys from the gang, you asked about dallas, they all wrote back with seemingly the same response. he was alright, still causing trouble where he could and whatnot.

a few weeks after that interview, johnny received a letter from you. you updated him on the things going on in your life, you asked how he was doing, and what the gang was up to but most importantly you asked him to tell dally you said hello.

johnny kept the letter folded up in the pocket of his jean jacket, waiting for a chance to show it to dallas. the gang decided to go to the drive-in that night, johnny went over to the curtis household to show ponyboy the letter. sodapop was there when johnny got to the house and the boys read the letter.

"are you gonna tell him she said hi?" soda asked, taking a bite of his sandwich. "well she asked me to, so i have to." the boy replied. he nodded and ponyboy chimed in. "do you think he'll take it well?" "possibly, there's no hiding the fact he still cares for her. you saw his face when he read that paper about her." "i think he'll be happy, i know dally likes showing off as tough but you could tell he really loved her. do you remember his face whenever he brought her up? i still don't get why he decided to leave her." the boys agreed with soda and left the conversation at that.

"hey, i got a letter today that you might wanna read." johnny told dally nervously, taking the letter out of his pocket and unfolding it before handing it to him. dally was confused, but he took the letter from johnny and began reading it. he immediately recognized your handwriting and he was even more confused as to why johnny was making him read the letter that was clearly not for dallas, for a moment he thought johnny was taunting him. it wasn't until he got to the last few lines that he realized why johnny had him read it.

he handed the letter back without saying a word and was quiet during the whole movie, the gang quickly noticed but didn't mention it, because they knew why. at the end, when they were walking out, dallas turned to johnny.

"you think you could give me her address so i can write to her?"

[songbirdsnsnakes]

SUDDENLY I HAD A VALENTINE - JONAH SIMMS

synopsis: does jonah really not believe in valentine’s day? or is he just jealous that you have a date?

word count: roughly 900

warnings: none! maybe like one swear word and probably terrible lazy writing.

a/n: i KNOW i said i was writing for peter and i PROMISE he’s sitting in the drafts, but i started watching superstore and OMIGOSHHH i love jonah so much, and had to write for him.

“Wait- You’ve never met the guy?” Jonah furrowed his brows.

“Well that’s kinda how blind dates work.“ You grabbed another heart shaped box and placed it on the display table in front of you. “Y’know… if you’re jealous I have a date, you could just say so.”

“I’m not jealous.” Jonah corrected. “I don’t believe in Valentine’s Day… or spending it with someone you’ve never met.” he shrugged placing the last bouquet of red roses into the basin in the center of the table.

You leaned against the display you’d been working on all morning. You were proud of it. It practically looked like Cupid had thrown up on it, but in hindsight it didn’t really matter what the display looked like. It would all be picked through by sad sacks needing a cheap last minute gift for their one night stands and exes they were determined to win over.

“Do you also not believe in fun?” you asked with a sarcastic smile, tweaking a few last minute details on the display. “I could set you up with one of my friends. Then you wouldn’t be alone tonight.”

Jonah shook his head. “Pass. I just think the entire concept of having a ‘Valentine’ is overrated. Especially when it’s not your partner.”

“Ugh, you’re like the Valentine’s Day scrooge.” you said in disdain. “Your loss… but just remember when you’re spending tonight sitting at home eating your stale chocolates and probably watching a Nat Geo documentary on animal mating, you could be spending it with someone having a nice romantic dinner.” you shrugged before grabbing the now empty decorations cart and wheeling it back to storage.

“Are you still talking about your blind date?” Jonah asked, pulling out a chair at the round table you were sat at with Mateo and Cheyenne.

“Well, if it isn’t the Valentine’s Day scrooge.” you said tilting your head with a scowl.

“Seriously, how do you ‘hate’ Valentine’s Day?” Mateo scoffed.

“I don’t ‘hate’ Valentine’s Day,” Jonah explained. “I just think it’s pointless. I mean, if you love someone shouldn’t you show them that everyday? And the entire concept of having a ‘Valentine’ when you’re not in a relationship is just stupid. That’s the point of the holiday!” he rambled a little too passionately before realizing he’d described your exact predicament.

“Sorry. Not to say that you shouldn’t- whatever you wanna- what I meant was-“ Jonah attempted to backtrack.

“So… what I’m hearing is… you’ve never been able to score a Valentine.” you teased.

“No, that’s not-“

“Oh I get it now!” Cheyenne cut in. “He’s jealous!”

“I’m not jealous!” Jonah interjected.

“Sure you’re not, scrooge.” You patted him on the shoulder.

The only thing that ever changed about the end of shifts was the outside weather. The automated doors slid apart, welcoming the freezing February air to fill his lungs and a chill to settle in his bones as Jonah reached into his coat pocket, getting a handle on his keys.

“And home to Nat Geo he goes…” you spoke up from your perch on the trunk of your car.

“Y/N? Your shift ended hours ago.” Jonah squinted through the dark and furrowed his brows as he looked at you.

“That, it did.” you nodded along, pursing your lips, an air of disappointment lacing your tone.

Jonah thought for a moment and let out a breathy laugh as realization washed over him. “So… you badgered me all day… just to get stood up?”

“Yeah… I guess I had that one coming.” you winced, fidgeting with the heart shaped box in your lap.

“Huh. Unbelievable.” Jonah shook his head.

“Oh, don’t act like you feel sorry for me.” You rolled your eyes. “You were probably secretly rooting for this to happen, weren’t you?”

Jonah furrowed his eyebrows and scoffed through a smile. “I’m not praying on your downfall, Y/N.” he laughed out. “No, I mean… That’s a shitty thing to do on any day, but on Valentine’s Day?” He clicked his tongue.

“Why do you care? You don’t even believe in Valentine’s Day.” you pressed.

“I don’t…” Jonah nodded, his hands shoved in his pockets. “But other people do. You do.” he finished before quickly changing the subject.

“We didn’t put that out this year.” he said gesturing to the small box of chocolates in your lap.

Distracted by his previous comment, it took you a moment to process his words. You shook away the thoughts. “Oh- yeah… I found it in the stock room from last year’s inventory.” you nodded with pursed lips, popping one of the chocolates into your mouth.

Jonah looked at the box and then to you, thinking for a moment. “C’mon.”

“What?” you asked, mouth full of chocolate.

“I’m not gonna let you sit here feeling sorry for yourself while you eat expired chocolate from the stock room. I’m taking you to dinner.” Jonah explained as if it were obvious. “You deserve this.” he said a little quieter with a soft smile.

“I thought you didn’t believe in having a Valentine unless you’re like ‘in love’ with the person.” you mocked with a smile.

Jonah smirked and pulled open his car’s passenger door. “I don’t.”

[ravenstargames]

✦ Lost in Limbo Devlog #9 | 02.29.24

What is this?! Two devlogs in one month?! More likely than you think! This February has been very productive for me and the team, so let's dive right into it!

Ooooh boy, Raquel keeps knocking it out of the park! She managed to get done every expression for every LI, and I coded them all! Now we have our wonderful characters ready for their debut. We have been using the wonderful Image Tools for Ren'py made by the talented and hard-working Feniks, whose tutorials and resources save a lot of dev's lives every day! This tool has made everything a bit easier for newbies like me, hehe.

Here's a taste of our edgelord's expressions! 💜 They're kind of a cutie when they put some effort into it!

We also had our second valentine's day celebration art piece thanks to Kayden! Sadly with the reworked version of the demo, you won't meet Vycar yet, so we thought we could ask for his forgiveness by giving him a beautiful bouquet and reminding him how much of a sweetheart he is! 💜

Also, Raeya got a hair update!

So, we weren't completely satisfied with the way we portrayed Raeya's hair, so this has been a rework we were sure we wanted to make. At first we were just going to render it again, but we ended up working on it from scratch to better represent what we envisioned for her. We hope you like it as much as we do! ; v ;💜

As always, we are open to any critique or advice; we are white people who have the luck to be able to ask POC friends for their advice as we work, but the more the merrier! Don't hesitate to send us your opinion to our ask box or even our email, gamesravenstar@gmail.com!

When it comes to the background department, we have been making great progress thanks to Airyn, who is honestly leaving us with our mouths hanging open every time! Thanks to her, another background has been finished and another one is in the making, leaving only two backgrounds to be revised and approved!

I personally can't stop looking at this WIP! She understood perfectly what we wanted to portray just by looking at an old WIP we had, and this is what we have so far—and it's already amazing!

Allie has been OBLITERATING the script. As of today, I think we have almost gone through everything that needed to be corrected and discussing, and lord if the script doesn't look a 100% better after we put it in Allie's hands. The way she writes, the way she understands everything I want to say even when sometimes I don't even know myself—what a talented, inspiring and amazing writer they are. I know I may sound annoying at this point singing her praises endlessly, but if the script is in the state where it is now, it's thanks to her!

My programming adventure of the month has been a success, if I say so myself! I've coded the characters with aaaaall their layers, their expressions, the blinking animations, made some videos, and started coding the script. Step by step as they say; I've coded 18 pages, and there's, uh...142 more to go. Haha! *sobs*

BUT WE ARE GETTING THERE! We can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I can finally click 'new game' and read the script and see the stuff going on! YAY!

Some extras of the month—we are preparing a Casting Call to choose the voice acting talent that will hopefully give voice to our characters. The demo won't be fully voiced (it's impossible with the funds we have, which are...zero), but if we are lucky we'll use some of our personal savings to pay for at least a few lines for each character so you can get an idea of how they'll sound if we get funded! Raquel is preparing an art piece for the announcement, and I'm getting the document ready and asking fellow VA friends for advice :3.

Also, we have a new member here at Ravenstar Games! Some weeks ago Astro and I formally adopted our first kitty, 8 month old Riki, fulfilling one of our dreams. We got him from a feline association that works with volunteers and fosters cats who have been abandoned, cats they find on the street, and so on. Riki has been living with me since January, and he's a happy, long big boy who loves playing, cuddles, and sitting on my desk while I try to work!

Say hi to the Ravenstar family, Riki! 💜

A productive month full of accomplished milestones, excitement and new challenges! The team has worked so hard, and I've done my part too! We still don't want to get ahead of ourselves, but we have done a lot of stuff we were sure we wouldn't finish yet, and look at that! We are doing so well!

As you can probably tell, my batteries are starting to run low, so I'm going to leave this devlog here. Thank you all like always for cheering us on, for being here in this journey with us, and for all the love you send our way. Let's hope March is as amazing as February has been, for us and for all of you! 💜

[sitp-recs]

12 fics I’ve enjoyed recently…

Last year I did a short-lived “weekly rereads” series to spread love for old favourites that kept me afloat when reading new things became a struggle. I was looking for ways to stay active and contribute to the fandom with minimal effort, and I found solace in revisiting fics that I hold dear in my heart. This year, spring brought the @dronarryfest to pull me back into reading mood. Fandom is starting to speak to me again after a very long time, and the euphoria hit me with inspiration to write this short rec post for my recent reads. I am joining the party a bit late but on the off chance these escaped your radar, here are some fics I’ve really enjoyed during my catch up moment in February/March, and a few I’m planning to dive into next. It’s so nice to be able to write comments and rec blurbs again! What have y’all been reading lately?

HP fics:

Wet Leather by @lqtraintracks (E, 492 words) - Harry/Sirius

I live for LQT’s rare pair drabbles especially when it’s for my beloved Sirry because nobody writes this ship like them. The A+ characterization always takes my breath away: so much tension laced with yearning, it feeds my horniest deepest Sirry cravings tripping between guilt and absolution. This short is full of heat, want and sweet indulgence, with the usual tenderness underneath driving me up the wall and making me soft and hot for these two. Also, “my drenched little pup” excuse sir I’m??? 🥵

Nightswimming by @sweet-s0rr0w (M, 5k) - established Drarry, Dron, implied Dronarry

One of my instant faves this year, what a masterclass in tension building! As always, I’m so impressed by sweets’ short form. The brilliant banter and relentless sexual tension put me at the edge of my seat praying for MOAR. The atmosphere is so captivating I could feel the temptation on my fingertips, and have I even mentioned Ron’s spot on voice?? Superb bromance dynamics, late night drive aesthetics, an impressive amount of characterization within 5k and a teasing ending full of promise, come and feast!

Borrowed Time by @the-starryknight (E, 7k) - Dron + Harry

Another delicious Dronarry treat, now showcasing established Dron, body swap, the sexiest UST you’ll see today and an incredibly satisfying payoff. Once again Starry delivers peak romance with their “hot & sweet” trademark mixing compelling dialogue, witty flirting and uncomplicated smut full of want but also trust, understanding and intimacy. Forget the maddening anticipation, the domestic slice-of-life tone made me swoon - the characters are so clearly fond and familiar with each other it’s only natural for them to come together like this.

Heart to Hearth by @jtimu (E, 7k) - Drarry

This fic is a breath of fresh air and I still remember how excited I felt reading it for the first time. I’ll never get tired of seeing Harry get utterly horny confused at an attractive and carefully guarded Draco being competent at his odd yet surprisingly fitting job. Repairman Draco is indeed mouthwateringly efficient with his long hair and coveralls, and their tentative and awkward dynamics are just excellent. Love the subtle humour, the bits of repair magic theory and the earnest slow burn, with a smooth progression towards deliciously indulgent smutty times. Amazing concept, perfectly executed.

Long Haul by @wolfpants (E, 8k) - Drarry

Wolf is killing it lately, loved their Dronarry but this fic stole my heart with the long haul love premise. The image of their encounter - Harry holding his passport between his teeth, Draco with Muggle headphones around his neck - stayed with me the whole night. Harry loves flying and connects with NYC for the same reasons I do, so this fic spoke to me in a very personal way. I love everything from the title and bold flirting to the scorching hot and intimate smut with smooth daddy Draco! Not too long ago I prompted Florence’s “End of Love” for Wireless - unknowingly, Wolf wrote the NYC fic I’ve dreamed about when I thought of it 💜

Permanent by @citrusses (M, 14k) - Drarry, Dron

I’ve always been drawn to time travel and Citrus set up a thrilling, mysterious mood that’s impossible to resist. I was deeply intrigued not only by the plot but also by the complexity of these characters - a belligerent Harry with daddy issues and a saviour complex (yes pls!), edgy and focused Hermione, perceptive and kind Ron charming his way inside our hearts, and a lonely Draco trying to make sense of the plot, handle his feelings and find his foot in the post-war world. I loved being inside his mind - such brilliant characterization - and seeing the golden trio through his eyes. This fic has a wistful, melancholy tone mirroring Draco’s longing for Harry that hit me right in the solar plexus. It is also a great Ron study, and I’ll admit that made me fall even harder for Dron. Finally, it is tender and devastating as all good things are. A brilliant read and an instant favorite.

Dick Chicken by @oknowkiss (E, 15k) - Harry/Draco/Ron

Believe me when I say this is the Seinfeld AU you didn’t know you needed because you don’t wanna miss out on this. Hands down one of the most entertaining fics I’ve read in a while, this is hysterical funny, witty and steamy. The perfect mix of crack-y and casually horny vibes with a quirky Draco, a lovable and relatable Harry, and a hot Ron who’s 100% there for the ride, this chaotic trio will pull you into an unhinged journey and you’re gonna thank them for that 🤣 superb Harry pov, a warm and playful atmosphere that feels intoxicating, and a glorious shower scene followed by a fake orgasm competition. You’re heard it right. Run don’t walk!

Knot Your Average Coworkers by @thecouchsofa (E, 22k) - Drarry

Office romance is my kryptonite and I couldn’t stop giggling as I made my way through this wolf!Draco treat. I was instantly smitten with the charming characters, the delightful silly knotting jokes 🌝 and the good old oblivious friends/coworkers to lovers dynamics that always gets me. Pining Harry wooing Draco through cooking is SO my jam, the perfect mix of sweet comfort & unbearable UST that fills me with joy and anticipation while also wanting to smash their heads together “kiss kiss fall in love” style. Yum!

Cargo Case by @sleepstxtic (E, 23k) - Drarry

This was such an exciting ride, I love the inherent yearning & intimacy of break up/make up stories and this case fic kept me engaged and rooting for Drarry (and Pansy/Parvati!) the whole time. It was wonderful to see them not being antagonistic after a break up for a change - there’s delicious ust, fabulous Draco & Pansy brOTP, not to mention their super cool job. I was as invested in the plot as I was in the romance, and I’ve had a really fun time following them around. Undercover boyfriends for the win!!!!

Truth to Materials by @toomuchplor, lately (E, 54k) - Drarry

Another fabulous plor fic as per, this artist!Draco story immediately won my heart with the hilarious opening scene and the perfect combo of Draco’s “brazen gay” voice and Harry’s “bi panic” mind. What a delight! Love the clever dialogue, the mood so chaotic horny but the humorous tone making me giggle my way through the delicious loo sex scene. Unique premise, great pacing, fantastic cast and charming characterization - this fic is so easy to devour it doesn’t feel like a 50k journey at all. The story is great fun, very engaging but also delivering multiple tender and heartkick-y moments. It checks all my boxes including our king Ron Weasley putting a banana into Draco’s sculptural arsehole 🤣 what else could I ask for?

Skybound by @xanthippe74 (T, 61k) - Drarry

As a longtime fan of Ghibli’s movies, I was over the moon to see one my own faves adapted to fit the HP universe. This is the Howl’s Moving Castle AU we deserve, a light, enchanting and fun read with a lovely smooth Draco and a lovely earnest Harry making such a great pair. I love how Xan played with the original material making adjustments here and there, and giving life to Timpsy, the apprentice elf with a whole subplot involving mistreatment of magical beings. Very sweet and creative read!

Other fandoms:

a man—with human flesh by spqr (E, 14k) - Paul/Duncan, Dune

I love that this author writes for all of my favorite ships, I feel so spoiled! This is (yet another) banger following the 2nd Dune movie and a fascinating dive into Paul’s fractured mind struggling between his long-standing affection for Duncan and the intrusive thoughts under BG’s influence. So intense, vivid and thought-provoking. I was hooked from beginning to end and deeply immersed in this universe. Love me a fic about emotional implications and complications while delivering excellent character studies, this is the shit I live for right here 🤌🏼

Next up on my to-read list:

Home series by @hoko-onchi-writes (E, 22k)

In which Draco grows up hiding and finds out he doesn't want to do that anymore. And he doesn't want his son to hide, either. (…). In which Harry grows up in darkness, falls in love, fucks up, learns some things, and falls in love again.

Passing Stranger by @lettersbyelise (E, 53k)

Five years after the war, Harry, listless and depressed, stumbles upon Draco Malfoy playing the violin in an underground bar in Muggle London. The catch? Draco lost his memories five years ago. Ignoring his friends’ advice, Harry befriends an unwitting Draco, overlooking the fact that their mutual attraction might not survive if Draco’s memories return.

The Star Splitter by @oflights (E, 219k)

On a routine time travel assignment to the past, Draco stumbles upon 7-year-old Harry Potter and witnesses his neglect and mistreatment by the Dursleys. In the moment, there is only one solution, even if it goes against all his training as a Time Agent: he has to bring Harry back to the future with him. In which Draco burns his life down for the sake of his former school rival.

[haydenlovers]

Stalker Anakin ⚠️

I was inspired by the amazing @xzaddyzanakinx please be sure to go check out their writing, it’s incredible!!

Warning: 18+, being stalked, swearing, smut (getting watched while masterbating, p in v penetration, hand job, slight edging, cream pie, slightly sub Anakin, slight oral (m receiving) - I think that’s all

Not proofread - I was going back and forth adding more between diary entries and y/n pov, and I’m hoping that it’s in order and makes sense.

Word count: 6.9k

Enjoy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n pov

17th February

You have been living in New York for about 6 months now, working at a cafe. And it wasn’t the greatest job but it kept you going financially. You would have days where customers would come in to get there usual, and other customers would verbally abuse you because they didn’t get their coffee 2 minutes after they ordered at busiest time of day. But anyway there would always be people that would come and go, only recognising a few of the regulars.

But him! Oh him.

Anakin

He was perfect. The way he would tilt his head as he admired at you with a smirk. Making you not want to break eye contact. The way is soft lips moved when he talked. The way his voice made your knees weak. You wanted him bad.

You remember the first time you saw him. Oh my god. The way he smiled at you with such kindness and warmth and his deep voice left your ears ring, wanting to hear him speak more. He came into the cafe about a month after you started working there and you hadn’t stop thinking about him since. And every time his face would light up with a smile as soon as he saw you.

Though you didn’t know much about him, he’d only come in once a week to order from you. And some days being especially busy you didn’t have too much time to chat. You knew that he worked at as bartender a few streets away from where you live. He would almost always say that you should come over to the bar to say hi, but you were never able to work up the courage to actually go.

But today was different. You finally felt confident enough to go. You asked your friends Sam and Tara to tag along for support. They were so excited for especially because they had also been trying to convince you to got to the bar. They knew what knew about Anakin, you could not stop talking about that man. He was driving you insane.

As you got home from work you got ready to go out. You curled your hair and decided to keep it down. You did your makeup how you usually do when you go out. And then slipped on a mini tight black dress with a small slit, and a leather jacket to go with it. As well as some black dr martens. Wearing a lacy red matching lingerie set underneath.

Sam and Tara were waiting out in your living room waiting for you to finish getting ready. You walked out of your bedroom serving cunt. Their jaws dropped, when they saw how you look.

“Girl if you don’t get laid tonight, I will do the honours,” Tara claimed as she hyped you up.

“No seriously, she’s right.” Sam assured.

“Really.” You hesitated

“YES!” Both of them cheered

You all took off and headed to the bar. Your heart was racing. And your mind was running 100 miles an hour. You finally arrived at the bar and followed your friends in.

There he was. Holy fuck.

He was wiping a glass with a towel, and how his hand was going in and out of that wet glass made your knees weak. Oh how you wished you were that glass. But your thoughts were interrupted by Tara pulling your arm and taking you to the bar. You all sat down and Hayden looked up at you and smiled. “I thought you’d never come.”

It took a second to process what he had said. “I’d come for you anytime.”

Your friends snickered quietly. Realising what you said, you felt a bit flustered, but I was true. He smirked

“So what can I get you guys to start.”

“What do you recommend?”

“I can do good sex on the beach, if you’d like.”

“Yes please” You lightly whimpered.

Another smirk revealed on his face as he lightly chuckled.

“And what about you two.”

“I’ll just have a Diet Coke please, I’m designated driver tonight.” Tara stated

“And I’ll have margarita please.” Sam said

“Alright, I’ll be back with your drinks in a minute.”

Anakin left to go make your drinks, when Tara and Sam turned to you.

“Holy shit, do you see the way he looks at you. You are definitely getting that dick tonight.” Tara said

“Shh, what if he hears.”

“Oh please he wants you bad.”

“Yea there’s no way that man hasn’t got a thing for you.” Sam ensures

A minute later Anakin comes back with the three drinks.

“Alright here you are.”

“Thank you.”

“So what made you decide to come visit tonight.” Anakin asks

Sam grabs Tara’s arm and drags her away so you and Hayden can talk.

“Uhm, I just wanted to see you. So maybe we could get to know eachother better”

“Well you came in on the perfect night, it’s not too busy.”

You blushed at the lustful eye contact you held with him.

“I’m glad to see you here princess” he smirked

A couple hours later

Time had flown by as you two had been talking for over two hours now, things just really seemed to click between you two. You got to know him, and he got to know you. He actually asked you questions about you, instead of just blabbering on about all the stuff he likes to do, unlike all the other guys you had met. Anakin actually seemed like he wanted to get to know you better. Suddenly Tara taps on your shoulder.

“Umm, hey I don’t mean to bother you but Sam is currently in the bathroom puking.”

“Oh fuck, ok well we should get him home soon.”

You looked up at Anakin and he smiled.

“I’m sorry we should take him home, he gets pretty out of hand when he’s drunk.” You murmured

“It’s okay, no need to apologise. Not a lot of people would care for their friends like you do.”

You smiled at him and said “well thank you so much for drinks they were so good. We’ll have to do this again someday.”

“Yea definitely…” he said before Tara interrupts.

“Y/n” Tara yells

You look over to see that Sam is on the bathroom floor screaming that he wants to nap.

“Oh shit, I better get going.”

“Alright, well I’ll see you next week.”

“Alright, can’t wait.” You said excitedly

You paid for the drinks and went to get Sam out of the toilets, when he comes busting out the doors yelling “I-I’m fine guys… really.”

“No come on, we gotta get you home.” Tara says while trying to help him stand up straight

“Ugh, but y/n hasn’t got that dick tonight.” Sam yells pointing in Anakin’s direction.

Red flushes over your face as you turn to Hayden. He tilts his head in your direction chuckling with a mischievous smirk. You got nervous and ran over to Sam to help him up.

“Alright time to go” you reinforce.

You smile at Anakin while exiting the bar. “Bye.” You whisper. He gently waves goodbye to you as you leave.

Tara drops you off and lets you know that she’s gonna stay the night at Sam’s so she knows he not choking on his own vomit.

You walk into your apartment and set your bag on the kitchen counter, and taking off your boots and chucking them on your bedroom floor. Taking off your jacket and dress to reveal the unseen lingerie you were hoping to get torn off you tonight.

You took a quick shower to freshen up before heading into bed. You wore nothing but crop top and underwear.

You stared at your roof and sighed when all of a sudden you hear a loud clank coming from across the street. You got up and opened your curtains to see what it was.

Is that?

No it couldn’t be?

Anakin?

Holy fuck!

What was he doing?

He looked up and you made eye contact for a split second and immediately knew it was him. You only got a glimpse of the shadowed figure before he disappeared behind a bush.

Is he watching me?

No don’t be ridiculous, he lives in this suburb he’s probably just walking home.

But…his house was in the opposite direction of yours from the bar.

Your heart dropped, this couldn’t be. Why was he here? You were so confused. Why didn’t he want you to see him?

You thought that you were overthinking and that it is probably just your imagination and that it’s probably just someone who looks like Anakin. Maybe it was one of your neighbours and you thought it was Anakin because that’s what you were hoping.

You closed your curtains and tried to go to sleep. Still thinking about who that was. But the thought of it being Anakin turned you on, you slipped you hands down your panties and toyed your clit while thinking about him.

Anakin’s Diary Entry

February 17th

What a surprise. You actually came to the bar today. I didn’t think you would actually come, especially since you have been saying that you would for so long and never did.

Unless that was just part of your plan to get me all riled up and make your appearance at the bar unexpected.

My darling I’ve been watching you making sure that you are safe. I walk you to and from work everyday. And you are so oblivious. It’s been nearly five months since I first saw you, and nearly four since I’ve kept my eye on you. Making sure that when you are walking home late at night no one is following you. On days that I’m working and can’t walk you home I ensure to keep checking my phone to see where you are. I have your location 24/7 in the palm of my hands. I need to know that you are safe because I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything happened to you.

I want you. No… I need you!

I crave your touch and love. I want to make you feel good. I want to make you laugh, I want to be there for you when you cry, and I want to make you cum so fucking hard.

But tonight…fuck. That tight dress had me weak. I could see that you were planning on getting something from me, when you leaned over and I could see the top of a lace bra. I would have taken it off with my teeth if you let me. Everything you told me tonight. I already knew. My sweet girl, I love you too much not to know about your life. And then when your friend yelled that snarky comment, I knew for sure that you wanted me.

I got off my shift half an hour after you left, so I came to your house to see what you were up to. Your curtains closed as usual, but the soft very soft shadows in your room gave me an idea of what you were doing.

As I went to my usual hiding spot, a fucking cat came out of know where and scared the shit out of me, I ended up tripping over and knocking a bin over. I got up to see you staring out your window at me I immediately hid when we made eye contact. Hoping that you didn’t see that it was me. I looked up from to see that you had gone back into bed and the curtains were closed.

But that light in your room allowed for a shadow on your curtains to show that you were playing with yourself. I could see your back arch and the sheets move swiftly. I knew you were thinking about me, with what you were wearing. I bet you were wearing a matching set of panties with that bra. So desperate for my touch.

But nothing will ever feel I good as I will make you feel. Not today but another day my love.

Y/n Pov

25th February

It had been about a week since your encounter with what you thought was a hallucination. You were coming home from work and were held back yet again, it was around 6:30 by the time you got to leave. The street lamps were lit up and the sky was dark. You walked home with your music blasting as usual fully unaware of your surroundings. You were too tired to care, usually you would be paranoid walking home and would just have music playing in one ear. But after a long day you couldn’t give a fuck.

As you got home and took a shower almost immediately to try and relieve your stress. But that didn’t work to great, so you put on your favourite show you binged watched too many times on your laptop and cuddled up in bed with your favourite hot beverage.

Several hours went by and it was now 12:00. You still didn’t feel a great deal of stress released, so you closed your laptop and grabbed your vibrator out of your draw next to your bed.

You slipped off your panties, turning on the vibrator and placing it against your clit. The pleasure vibrated through your whole body. You thought about Anakin. As if it was him telling you that you were so wet, while pressing the vibrator harder against your now throbbing clit. Telling you that you were a good girl, and that you were doing so well. Oh how the thought of his voice alone made you wanna come. After finally reaching your climax, you felt that the stress had been reduced significantly, but it wasn’t enough. If Anakin was actually there it would have been better.

After cleaning yourself up, you heard yet another noise coming from outside . You got up quickly to open the curtains. You look out the window trying to see if you can see anyone but no one was in sight. You head to bed curious yet again.

Is there someone watching me or am I going crazy?

You fell asleep, dreaming about Anakin’s touch.

Anakin’s diary entry

26th February

You scared me today baby.

I thought you would have seen me again. You looked out your window and looked disappointed when you didn’t see anyone. But I was right there. You couldn’t see me of course, I was hiding. Your eyes seemed desperate to see me.

The thing is I don’t want to startle you. I just want to protect you. This suburb isn’t exactly the safest in New York. But it is the best only because you’re in it.

I could see you toying yourself again, when I got closer to your window I could hear the gasps that left your mouth. And the shuttle moan of my name. I knew you were thinking l about me. I know how much you need me. But trust me I’m going to make all this waiting worth while.

Y/n pov

March 1st

Anakin come in on his regular days to order his usual, but you were to anxious to ask him to hang out again.

It was just another day, you got off work on time and decided that you were going to the bar tonight. But Sam and Tara couldn’t stay, Sam got called into work and Tara had a family dinner. You asked Tara for a lift there and back. And to help you choose an outfit. She ended up picking a mini red dress that sat low on your chest, red heals and a necklace that fit perfectly between your breasts. You never usually wore heals and you wondered if it was too much. But she insisted.

Tara dropped you off and they were on her way, wishing you the best of luck. You entered the bar and it was fairly crowded. People playing pool, groups of girls doing shots and heaps of people in a group. Which was the first thing that enters your mind, you were at this crowed bar by yourself. You walked up to the bar where another bartender smiled at you.

“Hi.” You say shyly.

The bartender turns around

“Hi, can I get you a drink.”

“Umm, I was actually wondering if Anakin was here.”

“No sorry, he called in sick.”

“Oh”

“Did you want a drink?”

“No thank you, um I’ll probably just head out” You said awkwardly

“Well next time he’s in I’ll let him know you popped in. .”

“Ok thank you.”

You went to the bathroom to call Tara, but remembered that she was at the family dinner and she wouldn’t be able to come pick you up till at least 10:30 and it was only 8:02. Fuck it. You’ll just walk home. Yep walk home from a bar alone with a bunch of drunk men wondering around. Plus it was only a 55 minute walk. You had walked further before at night, but you were also with Sam and Tara when you did.

You left the bar and started heading home. You felt uneasy, you felt like you were being watched. You kept turning around to ensure you weren’t being followed. And in heels what if some was to run at you. You would trip just trying to take them off. You were now only a few blocks away from your apartment, it was the final stretch. When you suddenly hear light foot steps. You stop and look around, and the steps stop. Your heart drops and you immediately feel uncomfortable. You freeze not knowing what to do.

I need to get home now.

But what if they follow me home and then know where I live. And that I live alone.

Your hands began to shake. You took off your heels, and started walking home again. Your head was spinning and your heart was racing. Only two more blocks you said to yourself. You hurried towards your building and finally got to your door. Quickly going inside and locking the door behind you. You through your heels on the ground and ran into your bedroom slumping yourself onto the bed in relief that you were finally home. You texted Tara to let her know that she didn’t need to pick you up anymore as you were at home. You sat on your bed staring into nothingness for a few minutes before you heard a knock on your door. You strained your hands and they began to sweat as anxiety consumed you. Shit.

“Was someone actually following me?” You thought

You peeped your head from behind the curtain to see who was standing at your door. It was a tall man, you couldn’t seem to make out his face.

Another knock occurred, and you hear “y/n it’s Anakin.”

You sighed in relief, you got up and went to your door. He knocked again before it was interrupted by you opening the door. His tall figure stood over and he smiled.

“You left your purse at the bar.” He states as he holds up your purse.

You looked at him confused

“Wait I thought you weren’t there.”

“No I was I was just getting ready to leave, my shift had just finished. I’m guessing you asked one of the other boys where I was.”

“Yea?”

“Usually when we just finish our shift, we’ll just tell whoever is asking for us they we aren’t in or are sick so we don’t have to stay back longer” He chuckled

“That’s fair, I know how it is to have to stay back longer than scheduled.”

“But I would have stayed back for you.” He smirked “Any day.”

You smiled at his comment. And he hands you his purse and his hand lightly brushes against yours as you take it. Your face turned red like your dress.

“Wait. How did you know where I live?” You asked

“Drivers license.”

“Oh of course,” you laugh.

“Maybe one night we could get together and hang out.”

“Yea I’d love that, I’ll give you my number.”

“Ok.” He seductively whispered

“Let me get a pen.”

You quickly ran to the kitchen to grab a pen and turn around to see Anakin desperately looking you up and down. You slightly grabbed his hand and wrote your number on his palm.

“There you go.” You said tilting your head slightly.

“I better be on my way, I’ll make sure to text you.”

“Yea, ok” You smiled

“I’ll see you later alright.”

“Ok, bye.”

He left your door as he got to the foot path he turned around.

“You look beautiful in that dress by the way.”

You had your head leaning against the door frame and covered your smile with your hand, then waving him goodbye. He smiled and continued walking away from your house.

You then closed your door and locked it before jumping up and down and squealing. You placed your bag on your table and you ran straight to your room and grabbed your vibrator out of your draw and got straight to it.

Thinking about how Anakin would talk you through it, how he would edge you to make your orgasm feel even better. And how big and veiny his hands were, compared to your small hands. How he would be able to pin you down with one hand while his other played with your clit, all while he fucked you. After coming to your release you get out of bed to stretch your back.

You went for a quick shower to remove your make up and freshen up a bit. After getting changed you opened the curtains slightly to see a man’s silhouette in the bush. You immediately closed your curtains and got too scared to look again. Quickly jumping into bed covering yourself with the blanket, trying to go to sleep.

Anakin’s diary entry

1st March

You came to see me at work again, but of course I had finished early. But fuck… you looked so beautiful. The way your hair sat. The way the dress sat low on your perky breasts, and how it snatched your waist. And you wore it for me, I mean that’s why you came to the bar.

And I did follow not just because of your purse but because I needed to make sure you got home safe. I could tell you were nervous and I was going to go up to you to walk you home but I just loved watching that tiny dress ride up slightly every so often. Even when you were talking to me you were nervous, but I promise you don’t have to be nervous around me. I’ll always be here to comfort you.

And fuck I knew you were desperate when I came back to your window I could hear your soft whimpers and your vibrator. Couldn’t even wait five minutes after I left, I promise just my hand alone would be better. I know and you know it. The desperation in your voice when you speak to me is so loud. Yet your voice is so soft. When you tell me you want me, will be the day that I give it to you.

Sit on my face, devour your pussy, finger you, fuck you from behind, sideways, standing up. Anyway and anytime. I’ll make your legs shake they never before. I’ll have you begging for more, I’ll have you come so hard. That’s a promise my princess.

No one will ever love you the way that I do.

Y/n pov

March 9th

You hadn’t heard anything from Anakin, except for when he came into your work. But you were expecting a text to ask you out.

Fuck what if I wrote the wrong number down.

What if he’s out in the wrong phone number

Maybe it rubbed off before he got home

You needed to stop overthinking, you laid in bed after calling Tara and Sam to tell them what happened. You guys had been so busy that you hadn’t had time to catch up in person. After the call ended you put on your favourite show again. You stayed up in bed for a few hours. But you had this feeling like someone was watching you. You kept getting up to look out your window to see if anyone was there. From what you could see no one was in sight. Until about the 7th time you checked your window you see a man sitting behind the bush across the street. His head pops up and.. wait Anakin?

You couldn’t believe it. You rubbed your eyes to ensure that what you were seeing was actually him or if you were just hallucinating. But it was him at sat across the street with a cigarette between his lips. He looks over at your window and immediately ducks down as he’s realised that you’ve seen him. But he didn’t run, you opened your curtains completely you made it seem as if you were looking for something else outside your window, as if you didn’t just catch him. You popped backed into bed trying not to glance over. He was still watching you, you could feel it.

Well if he was watching you, then why not give him something to watch maybe he was as desperate for you as you are for him. I mean your curtains were almost always closed. You didn’t even think to ask any questions about the fact that he was just across the street watching you. It made you feel released that you weren’t just going crazy. The thought of him watching you touching yourself, made you wetter. The lighting was dull, but still put on a show for him, while trying not to glance across the street.

Anakin’s Diary entry

9th March

I thought you saw me for second. You scared the shit of me. I guess that you thought you heard something again. You looked yet again disappointed to not see anyone, more specifically me when you gazed out your window.

I looked up to see that you had gone back into bed, but the curtains were open and the room was dull, but I could see your face and white sheets. You got back into bed and I saw your hands slowly remove your panties.

Were you? You were playing with yourself, with the curtains open. The light from the lamp across the street lit up your face slightly, I was able to make out your facial expression, I could see the lust and desperation in the way your mouth moved. I could feel my cock twitch when your back arched and when you got up and rode your pillow, pretending that it was me. Weren’t you?

I want to be the one to make you feel pleasure in way you’ve never felt. Seeing you like this did something to me. It felt so wrong I wanted to give you privacy. But you opened your curtains and then started playing with yourself you were basically asking me to stay. But not to long know before I’ll have you.

Anakin’s diary entry

2nd April

Silly girl. You keeps leaving her curtains open. My darling y/n. What if someone was to walk past and see. You have no problem playing with yourself for everyone to see. That’s why I am here standing across the street from you making sure no creep is perving in you. Your legs spread with your hand between your thighs, wearing only a bra. I can see the blankets move softly as small gasps exit your mouth. Your legs spread with your hand between your thighs, wearing only a bra. Craving that release. But I promise you princess if those were my hands down there you would be a moaning mess, begging me not to stop.

I could give you the release you need, I would make you cum so hard, that your eyes would roll back as far as they could. I would make your swollen clip so sensitive that your legs would shake. Look at you, hands down your panties softly rubbing your clit in a circular motion for the world to see, but you’re mine. The things I would do to you, I would make you feel so good princess.

Anakin’s diary entry

April 20th

You got held up at work again, and we’re late to arriving at home. So I made sure to stay back and wait so I could make sure you got home safe again. I followed from a distance as usual, but didn’t have a care in the world. Just blasting your music through your headphones and not even looking around once. You don’t know how many sickos are out there, you need to be more careful.

But that’s why I am here. I can see you had a hard day, slumping your bag on the counter as soon as you got home. Your bedroom curtains were closed as they usually were throughout the day. I could see you looked tired. You opened your curtains after your shower and I see you. Just standing there staring out the window. God, look at you, hair damp, water glistening on your chest and only wearing a towel. Your lips slightly parted and eyes looked lustfully across the street.

Only if you had taken it off right then-

But you did.

You just dropped your towel. Revealing everything. What if someone was watching. I would have to do something about that. But seeing you like this made me feel full of adrenaline,I wanted to run over to your house and have your begging for my cock.

Did you want someone to see, or are you just hoping that just so happens that I come over and fuck you senseless to make you feel better?

Fuck. Everything about you makes me so fucking hard. I crave your body and seeing you like this made me want you more. You only stayed for a few seconds, before turning around and turning off your light. The room was dull but I could still see your blanket move swiftly, you were desperate.

Y/n pov

April 24th

You knew. You knew he could see you. He had been doing it for about 2 months. At least that I know of. I make sure he’s there. Watching you when you play with myself. Sometimes you would tease him and just have the curtain open slightly, which is what you did most nights because you were scared someone else was going to see. You can’t stop thinking about him when you do it. You knew he was there when you dropped my towel. You wanted to see if you could see him but you got too nervous, you didn’t want to scare him off. But you’ve considering trying to confront him.

You still have our regular chats at each other’s work, and last week you even got drinks together again. You had gone out with him at least once a week since you gave him your phone number. And every time he would bring you flowers. The sexual tension, was killing you slowly, it was his eyes and the way he smiled at you, that made your stomach fill with butterflies. You still didn’t have the courage to ask him to actually come over to you’re house. You weren’t sure why though. I mean he’s literally seen you play with yourself. And you were becoming too desperate for his touch and wanted to do something about it. You wanted more than just the subtle hands brushes, like how he would caress your hands when he spoke to you. Or when he would tuck your hair behind your ear. You needed more.

Today after coming home from work it was late, got held up by some customers that decided to order 13 hot chocolates 3 minutes before we closed. Like where is the respect for fuck sake. Anyway I got home and showered, and waited for Hayden to show up.

Around 1:00 he showed up, which was later than usual. You looked at the window trying to avoid looking at where he was hiding. You were wearing a matching set of lacy black lingerie. You closed the curtains and dressed in a hoodie and some sweatpants and walked out of the house. Hayden’s figure quickly scurried down the street, as soon as you opened my front door. So you followed him.

You followed him for about a mile without him noticing, making sure to keep your distance and hide when he looked in your direction. You finally reached his apartment, where he entered his house in a hurry. While you hid behind a tree across the street. His apartment was the first floor making it easier to see in between the slightly opened curtains.

You could see slightly into his bedroom as it lights up, he enters pulling off his hoodie. You hurried across the road, and climb up to his window. And knock on it lightly. He jumps and opens the window to see me glaring into his eyes. He opens the window with a frightened look on his face.

“What are doing here.”

You enter his room as he helps you up. You stares at you with a blank face, unsure of what’s going on.

“I know what you’ve been doing” you whisper as you move closer to him.

“I don’t know what you’re taking about.” He hesitates

“Mmh, you sure?”

He stands closer to you, now towering over you looking down at you full of desire.

“What is it exactly you think I’ve been doing?”

“You’ve been watching me do some naughty things.”

He couldn’t help but smirk.

“What naughty things,” he teased as he lifts up your chin with his index finger as his stare softens and you feel your panties become wetter.

“You’ve been watching me play with myself while I thought about you, and you never even offered to help me. Because I know that I could fulfil your desires and you could fulfil mine.”

He tilts his head and lightly bit his lip. You pushed him onto the bed and slowly climbed onto his lap while running your fingers up his bare chest, sending shivers through his body.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you ever since I first saw you.” You said as you took off your hoodie revealing your lace bra. You felt his half hard cock turn fully hard beneath you. His hands slowly moving up your thighs to your hips caressing your soft skin with his thumbs, rubbing them gently across your soft skin.

You slowly started grinding against his hard on in his pants. He gasped softly. You stopped momentarily and took off your sweatpants chucking them across the room. Leaning down to his ear and begun to unzip his jeans.

You whispered “I gonna make you feel so good.”

Before he had a chance to say anything you pulled down his pants, along with his boxers. Revealing his long, thick hard cock with pre cum resting in his tip. Shock flooded your face when you saw the size of it. Hayden smiled at your reaction. You went down and licked the pre cum of his cock, sucking the tip of his dick made it twitch, as your hand wrapped around the bottom slowly stoking as you teased his tip with your tongue. Small whimpers left his mouth, which made you hungry for his cock. But you wanted to tease him more than ever now that you had him.

You removed your mouth from his cock, and leaned back over to his ear. You licked your hand before bringing it down to his dick. Stroking ever so slowly. His chest now moving up and down from breathing so heavy. He caressed your body with his hands moving them from your hips to your tender breasts. The way his mouth slightly parted made you soaking wet.

“Tell me what you want.” You asked

“I want you.”

“You can do better than that.” You started stroking faster. Whimpers left his mouth. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want to fuck you so hard, I want you to cum on my cock and show how good I can make you feel” He spat out.

“Mmm, really.”

“Yes, i want to be inside you so fucking bad.”

You stopped stroking his dick and he moaned at the loss of your touch.

“Don’t stop.” He whimpered

“Why should I keep going.”

“B-because I want you so fucking bad please.”

You started jerking his dick again as whimpers started escaping his mouth with every stroke.

“Tell me again”

“I want to make you cum so fucking hard, rub your clit until it’s so sensitive and your legs are shaking, fuck you so hard that you won’t be able to walk in the morning-“

You cut him off again by stroking his cock faster. He became a whimpering mess.

“Uuuh, f-fuck.”

You could feel him twitch him your hands you know he was close. So you stopped.

“So needy” you laughed “Show me. Show me what you want to do to me.”

Without a second thought he grabbed your hips and flipped you over so now he was on top of you, he shuffled his pants and boxers all the way off. Before slamming his plump lips into yours. The kiss was unimaginable, so messy and sloppy, yet so gentle and lustful. His tongue was fighting for dominance and won easily, slipping in and out. He lightly bit your bottom lip and pulled away slightly and you moaned at the sensation.

He started kissing your neck leaving small hickies all over.

“You’re mine and I’m gonna show everyone that.” He said with his lips pressed against your neck.

He started moving down to your breasts where he lifted you up to unclasp your bra. Be for you knew it he had taken it off and thrown it across the room.

Leaving hickies all over your tits. He grasped one breast and lightly twirled your nipple between his fingers while sucking on your other nipple. He lightly bit your nipple making you moan, he did then moved to the other one to do the same thing. Your breasts felt tender and your nipples were hard.

He moved down your stomach leaving love bites all over while caressing your tits. Before he reached your panties. He ran his fingers along the brim of your panties and teased at them. You could feel your pussy throb as he got closer.

He bit on your panties and grabbed the sides sliding them down of your ankles. He came back up and spread your legs, and kissed your inner thighs leaving more hickies all over you. He leaned moved up so his face was inline with your pussy and placed a gentle kiss on your clit.

“Please Anakin.” You moaned

“Now look who’s the needy one” he snickered

He leaned in and placed another kiss on your clit, sloppier than the last. Before his tongue between your folds. You squirmed and whimpered at his touch.

“You’re so wet for me baby.” His said against your sopping pussy. Sending vibrations through your whole body. His voice and those words together made you feel so weak.

He moved back up to your level and smashed his lips into yours. You could taste your residue on his lips.

“Ready baby.”

You nod as he begins to align his cock with your entrance.

“Use your words darling.”

“Please fuck me Anakin.”

“Good girl.”

Before you could say anything he slammed into, and began pounding into. Tears filled your eyes while moans escaped your mouth, you had felt nothing like it. How his big dick filled you up completely making you feel light headed. You swear you could feel it in your stomach. He tilted your body up to get deeper inside you, while his hands rested on your hips moving to and from your ass. While your hands explored his hair yanking it slightly and him moaning when you did it.

Pleasure coursing through your whole body as he would almost pull his cock all the way out before slamming back into hard. Leaving no room for you to form words. Just moans that echoes throughout the room. Hayden’s grunts and moans becoming more aggressive as he sped up.

“You’re taking me so well, you feel so fucking.”

You moan louder at his words, his voice did something to.

“Yes…Hayden,” you moaned as he hit your g spot.

His thrusts began to get sloppier and you could feel his dick twitch inside you. You knew he was close and you were too as your pussy clenched.

“Fuck… Hayden I’m gonna cum.”

“Me too princess.” He moaned

He moved his right hand to your throbbing clit and started rubbing circular motion over it bringing you to your climax. Your juices spill all over Anakin’s cock as you moaned his name, stars entered your vision as the pleasure coursed through your whole body. As Anakin was about to pull out you spat out desperately “No cum inside me.”

Anakin smiled and only took a few more pumps before his cock twitched and his warm seed filled you up as he moaned. It oozed out of your swollen pussy. He pulled out and laid next you as you both tried catching your breath.

“Holy fuck. That was incredible.” You managed to spit out

“I told you I would make you feel amazing.” He smirked “You took me so well darling.”

You squirm at his words and lay your head and his chest. Simply at a loss for words for what just happened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please let me know what you think, I’m sorry if it isn’t great this is my first time writing smut :)

[helenlvsbooks]

• Elain Archeron as High Lady of the Dusk Court •

CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR ALL OF ACOTAR AND HOFAS

DISCLAIMER: This is a pro Elain, pro Elriel theory, if you know this is something that will upset you, scroll and don’t interact with my post. I am not responsible for the content you choose to consume.

This is a post made with love and appreciation for Elain Archeron and all of my beautiful elriels, you guys are the intended audience for this post and I hope you guys enjoy it, as much I enjoyed writing it.

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

POWERS

As of February of 2024 we know very little of Elain’s powers, and while we know for sure that she has visions or something close to it, making her a seer; there’s reason to think that she might be able to do more than that.

ACOWAR CHAPTER 75

It’s been said throughout the series that the cauldron is taken with Elain, and gifted something to her. While Nesta took power from it, Death itself as Rhysand called it in ACOSF, Elain was blessed by it.

While I have a preference for what those powers might be, I’m not going to stick only to my ideas, but I’ll also mention some alternatives the fandom has come up with.

ACOWAR CHAPTER 74

There’s two things I want to talk about when it comes to this passage.

— Elain stepped out of a shadow.

While there’s a lot of possibilities as to why Elain was able to do this, the exact moment it was needed, there’s two main theories I would like to mention.

One. Elain was able to winnow.

ACOMAF CHAPTER 7

ACOMAF CHAPTER 13

This is the most simple explanation to what happened in ACOWAR, and it could be an indication of Elain’s power being greater than that of a normal high fae.

“Only the stronger fae can do it.”

But it also leaves the question of what about the training? We all know Feyre is a High Lady, and even she had to train to be able to use that ability, so how is Elain able to do this so easily at the right moment in the middle of the battle field?

I would love to offer you an alternative.

TWO. Elain used Truthteller’s powers.

HOFAS CHAPTER 25

We learned in CC3 that Azriel doesn’t know how to use Truthteller to its full potential, what if Elain was able to see it with her Seer abilities and make use of it?

ACOWAR CHAPTER 30

It’s known in the fandom that Elain foresaw Cassian’s death. And while some still think this is going to happen in future books, I believe it already happened and Elain found a way to stop it.

ACOWAR CHAPTER 69

If Elain was able to winnow all along, why didn’t she take the dagger that Cassian offered her? She could’ve killed the king with that one just fine. Unless, she isn’t or didn’t know she was able to until she possessed Truth-Teller.

It’s been proven in CC3 that The star-sword and Truth-Teller possess a unique ability when combined/used together, but Vesperus was referring to Truth-Teller on its own.

HOFAS CHAPTER 12

This conversation in CC3 tells us two things:

Truth-Teller doesn't possess the ability to kill the unkillable we saw with The Starsword and Ataraxia. So, a simple dagger could've killed the King of Hybern.

It's implyed by the name of the dagger and what Azriel said that it might possess truth powers.

What if Truth-Teller showed Elain her ability to winnow or the dagger's innate power to help her do it?

HOFAS CHAPTER 12

"The dagger shone with darkness" - "Elain stepped out of the shadow."

As for the second thing I wanted to mention about ACOWAR 74: Only those with the power of the starborn can wild the Sword and the knife. And this is a fact.

Healing - Life Powers

ACOWAR CHAPTER 76

Going back to the Cauldron and Elain's gifted powers. It would make sense that while Nesta stole Death itself from it, Elain might've been gifted with Life by it.

Throughout the ACOTAR books, Elain's been linked to spring and gardens, and there have been many instances where SJM wrote about Elain growing plants, growing life.

ACOWAR CHAPTER 80

All of this aligns with what we learned about Theia and the Dusk Court in CC3.

✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵ ✵

HOFAS CHAPTER 22

This right here is what inspired this theory, the moment I read this, everything made sense to me. This is what Bryce senses in the prison with her starborn powers, sounds familiar?

ACOWAR CHAPTER 24

Even Lucien knows that what Elain is saying doesn't seem to be about him, and I never believed it was. The wording is very specific.

"I can hear your heart through the stone." - "There was a beating, vibrant heart locked away, far beneath them."

HOFAS CHAPTER 67

"Off making more gardens?" - "I think the world needs more gardens."

Again, the wording used here was too specific to be a coincidence. A Garden, that's how SJM referred to the mountain Bryce awakened in Avallen, which is almost the exact copy of the Prison/Dusk Court.

HOFAS CHAPTER 19

"blossomed under her care,"

All of this makes me think of something SJM mentioned in ACOSF.

ACOSF CHAPTER 22

There was no reason for SJM to mention this particular detail unless it's something that might come to happen in the future; and with all of the foreshadowing I just showed you, I think it's pretty clear who they might be referring to.

In HOFAS, Bryce takes Theia's power from the mountain and this awakens the land. She already did this in Pythian, but we didn't get to know if the same thing happened there. What if the land needs a High Lady to really blossom and come back to what it once was?

I can't think of anyone better than Elain to do that.

DRESS FORESHADOWING

One thing that some elriels noticed is that SJM makes it a point of having Elain 90% of the time in either pink or blue dresses, this is a fun detail that we love to mention when talking about The Sleeping Beauty retelling theory, this one is one of my favorites so definitely check it out.

While this is true for most of the series, SJM decided to make Elain wear another color in Silver Flames, purple, the mix of the two. Where am I going with this?

I think this Google image speaks for itself, but one last thing! There's a particular line of inner monologue from Cassian that a lot of gwynri3l's use to justify Elain "not belonging" in the Night Court.

ACOSF CHAPTER 57

While they love to forget that the Inner Circle did this on purpose to make Elain look "plain", so Eris would keep his attention on Nesta; they might have a point because no, Elain won't stay in the Night Court.

ACOSF CHAPTER 57

Nesta looks stunning in black tho, so she'll most definitely stay there. Right?

COLORING BOOK SYMBOLISM

On another note, user acoracaodefogo found something really interesting in the official coloring book for the series. Remember how Archeron's father named three ships after his daughters? Well, each of them has a symbol that correlates to something important about the sisters' future.

The Feyre has a crescent moon and stars, symbolizing the night court, and The Nesta has a creature that looks close to what the hounds of the Daglan are described as (intriguing), and a sun, like the one in the mask of the trove.

Elain's however, has an eight-pointed star, the symbol of the starborn and the Dusk Court.

HOEAB CHAPTER 21

As we already know, only the starborn can wield the Sword and the knife, and Elain happened to wield one of the two already.

STARBORN HERITAGE

Were the sisters already part of the Starborn line? I think this might be the case. It never made sense to me how Nesta was able to shield her mind from a high lord, or that Rhys could feel Feyre, his mate, while still being human; or how their father was able to make a deal with Koshei. We know he was known as the Prince of Merchants before losing all of his fortune, but what could he offer Koshei? What could be so important that a death god was happy to strike a deal with that old man?

ACOTAR CHAPTER 35

And there's also this. This little piece of information is what made me believe the sisters weren't completely human after all. Why would their parents know and old name of the fae? The humans hate the fae, they are scared of them, why would they choose that name for their youngest daughter?

There's also this new piece of information we got in CC3. Ruhn has healing magic, from the starborn line? This aligns perfectly well with what some elriels have been speculating since ACOWAR, that Elain saved Cassian not only by stabbing the King of Hybern, but also by immediately running towards him and healing some of his wounds.

HOFAS CHAPTER 94

NOTE: One last thing that came to my mind just now, the Starborn lake is in the Spring Court and it was said multiple times in Silver Flames that Elain would love to see that court. Just a thought.

This is going to be it for now, if you have something else to add to this please do; I would love to talk more about it!

ACOSF CHAPTER 21

BUT ELAIN TURNED ON HER HEEL. "FIND ME WHEN YOU WISH TO BEGIN."

ACOSF FEYSAND BONUS CHAPTER

"LET'S HELP ONE SISTER BEFORE WE START ON THE OTHER."

[agbob-dollpants]

💓 Meet Velvet! 💓

If you’ve seen my post on here about picking out dolls in person, I can’t do that anymore! My local AG Place closed in February, and I’m genuinely still in disbelief. However, this girl embodies all of the wonderful memories I have made there, as I purchased her on my last trip there on February 16. ❤️

Velvet is a truly me 118, who was never really on my radar when she was first released, but something inside me decided I absolutely NEEDED this doll after seeing a million photos of her on AGIG! When picking out my second to last doll at AGP Columbus, though, I chose truly me 120 instead. Sometimes I’m so mad at myself because, when I picked her out, she didn’t have that awful little star on the bottom of her foot, but there was also one 118 in the store who did not. When I went to pick out Velvet, tons of 120’s were in the store without a star foot, but EVERY 118 had one! It was a nightmare to pick Velvet out, but her sweet face just spoke to me and I bought her anyways! 🌟

One thing I really love to do with my dolls is create stop motion videos for my AGTube channel, AGBob DollPants. For those videos, I have to fashion personalities for my dolls, which usually persist with unusual, outlandish personality traits that create a lot of chaos. However, making a more relatable personality for Velvet has really helped me bond with her! 💓

As I tried to come up with ways to “make up for” her star foot, I landed on the idea that the star is her “scar” from being the last doll to “step foot” into the AGP. Then, I came up with the most BRILLIANT idea! She would be an AGIGer and AGTuber like me! 🌟

In my “doll lore,” Velvet’s presence on AGIG has become even more relatable to me, as I’ve created a story for her that involves similar events to my own experience in high school. At the age of 17, Velvet is a senior in high school, and she still absolutely adores her AG dolls. Navigating her upcoming adulthood, she has to deal with her adult friends growing out of dolls, trying to hide her AGIG from people at school, and the closure of her local AG Place.

At least she has her stories, though. Velvet has loved to write stories about her dolls since she was eight years old. Though I do not have a mini doll to represent him, her stories mostly revolve around Fletcher Rae—a customized Kaya mold boy doll with curly black hair and freckles who was created from a mangled Kaya doll that she “found at a yard sale.” Fletcher, as well as every other doll in Velvet’s collection, attends a school of magic in their 400 page novels! So far, Velvet has created six books about Fletcher in the style of the AG historical books, such as “Meet Fletcher” and “Fletcher Saves the Day,” but filled to the brim with action, suspense, and TONS of lore! ✨

Nobody at Velvet’s school knows that these stories are really about a massive collection of American Girl dolls, though—except for her best friend (who is still to be determined, she will be one of my existing dolls!) As much as she would love to share her doll collection with the world, only the closest people in her life know about her passion for these dolls. Similarly to my own life, Velvet feels like she’s hiding a huge part of her personality to others when she first meets them—almost appearing “personality-less” without her dolls. However, with thousands of followers on AGIG, Velvet realizes how amazing her dolls truly are, as so many people admire her photography skills and love for the American Girl brand! 💓

I absolutely love taking photos of Velvet as if she was a real AGIGer. The photo above showcases her dolls falling over during a photo shoot…I’m sure we’ve all been there! I just adore having a doll who doesn’t look like me, but embodies a similar personality. With Velvet as an AGIGer, I am able to feel more seen as an adult with a passion for AG, even though I created her character myself. Even though Z Yang was a 13 year old girl who adored AGTube (who I own in my collection), something about carefully crafting everything about Velvet’s character makes her so much more special! ❤️

After deciding her personality, and considering the fact that she was my last doll from AGP Columbus, Velvet quickly became my favorite doll of ALL TIME! Though I have had other “comfort dolls” in the past, there is just something about this girl that rises above all the others. To be honest, I don’t even know what I was doing without her! 🌟

Every single day since I first purchased this doll, she has not left my sight. Of course, she always has to have a mini doll with her, so a lot of mini dolls have also been invading my bedroom. Having Velvet around has even inspired me to take the photo above at a public library! It’s been a long time since I took photos in a public facility that was not outdoors, so her love for AGIG has made me more confident in that respect! ❤️

Once you find a doll that you really bond with, they will be your best friend forever! I’m shocked, yet not surprised, that I did not feel this way for my first two dolls that I got all the way back in 2012, but for a doll that I actually purchased as an adult. I like to think that I’ve just accumulated more appreciation for my dolls with time! ✨

Even though my beloved AGP closed, I am beyond thrilled to have the most PERFECT 118 in my collection. It sounds a bit silly, but Velvet means the absolute world to me, and I am so glad to have such a connection with one of my dolls! 💓

[jooniperbonsai]

Thanks For the Sub (ksj) | Chapter Two

Pairing: Camboy!Seokjin x Gamer!Reader (afab)

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 13.7k

Release date: Mon. February 5, 2024

Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, camboy au, gamer au, comedy, crack, slow burn (?), coworkers/boss/friends to lovers, an exploration of adults in their late 20s/early 30s

Summary: Now aware of Seokjin's secret, you try to take some of his...techniques into your next stream. But how well will they pay off?

Chapter Warnings: anxiety, discussion of boundaries and triggers, Seokjin explains what bdsm is supposed to mean to us watching at home, internet/cyberbullying dynamics, boss/employee power struggles, discussions of consent, peer pressure, mention of threesome, implied chubby/fat reader (it's vague enough to not adopt a specific size), mention of sex toys, swearing, sexual fantasies, m masturbation, damn Seokjin has a boner so many times in this sorry, size kink, y/n assumes Seokjin's sexuality, porn simulation games, 1 (one) reference to Vine (RIP), Dom Seokjin, kink negotiation, mention of choking and improper bdsm practices, mention of urethral sounding (but not actually happening)

a/n: Ahh hello! First of all, thank you to everyone who has read TFTS so far! It really warms my heart knowing how well received it's been, and your comments and messaged have meant so much. I really wanted to emphasize discussions of consent and boundaries in this chapter. I was struggling to write for a little bit, and then suddenly I saw this one gif of Jin on my feed and my brain jimmy neutron brain blasted my way to a 13k length chapter. Hopefully I've proofread well enough, but if you spot some serious errors please let me know. -h

On Saturday afternoon, Seokjin woke up for the first time in what felt like forever feeling rested. After checking the weather app on his phone constantly throughout the night, he received the alert that heavy snowfall was causing delays in plowing and public transit. He messaged the opening crew, encouraging them to also enjoy the lie-in and prepare for a delayed open. Instead of falling into the semi-sickening lovefest of couples peeling each other’s perilla leaves or trying to feed each other lunch, he could be spared until the evening. 

Which was good, because Seokjin was exhausted. His live last night was not planned, but after closing and apologizing to you about his gross mismanagement of power, he needed to get out the pent-up frustration that crumbled the bones in his body from pressure. 

Sure, it was the right thing to do to apologize, even though he knew he would never be able to look at that prep counter, your wide, glassy eyes, and swollen lips the same way again. But it was important to him. He could never become the kind of man he watched his boss be to him or his wife, forcing his way past someone’s boundaries to get what they wanted. 

Even years later, Seokjin was convinced that had he not shared information about Soon Yi that intrigued his boss, if he’d maybe kept his personal and professional lives separate, things maybe would have been different. And now that he was in the position of power where he was someone else’s boss, wasn’t it his duty to make sure that didn’t happen to you too?

Seokjin almost lost all his control with you yesterday. From the moment you came in with a tired, croaky voice that greeted him “hi” before the sun had even come up, he knew he would be struggling for the rest of the day. 

During multiple points of your training, he had the urge to touch you, which was nearly impossible not to do, since so much of the guidance you needed came from hand-over-hand instruction as he showed you the fluid motions of safe chopping. When his large hands covered yours, Seokjin became aware of how tiny you were to him. Maybe not in all the places, but your height, your smaller hands, they showed him how easily and perfectly you slotted into his body, like a puzzle piece he didn’t know he could ever feel matched to. 

Maybe Seokjin executed this desire to touch you a little too dramatically. When he saw your misplaced cutting knife, he let that excuse lead him head-first into white hot desire, scolding you, watching you squirm a little as you felt embarrassed for losing focus. And that seemed to unlock some feral need in him, to get you to squirm a little more, to touch you and feel the velveteen softness of your forearms as he pinned you against the prep table. 

The little gasp you’d let out sent the blood straight to his cock, and to avoid you seeing how easy and embarrassingly you could undo him–how quickly one singular sound from you would make Seokjin rock hard and panting and under your complete power–he reacted, clasped your wrists, used some set of excuses to get closer, let his arm skim across your cheek to grab a packet of whatever the hell was above you. And the way you didn’t resist, didn’t pull away from his grasp showed him how good you could be, how obedient you were as you turned around when told. 

He should’ve stopped there, but you were standing in front of him, smelling a little bit like coffee and a fruity shampoo you used, your bodies only mere inches from full on contact. And Seokjin wanted more of a reason to hold onto you, to see what ways he could rile you up, whether you were cognizant or not of how, well, submissive you were to him. 

Most of his income from streams came from scenarios where Seokjin played into a softer role, which translated into the role of a submissive pretty boy, and usually a bottom. But for the first time in years, a rich, satisfying wave of dominance rolled back into his body and he welcomed it.

Seokjin knew better, but he couldn’t help himself. The one bit of control he maintained was in his refusal to let go of your hands, even after you had mastered the motions of your knife, possibly even better than Seokjin himself could chop. Because if Seokjin declawed himself from you, his hands would absolutely wander. Up the sleeve of your exposed forearms and down the swell of your breasts and full hips. 

His cock ached thinking about how plush and soft your body would be under his hands, how he wouldn’t have to worry about breaking you. He could safely grope your sides and not feel like he would pinch your bones together, and that was important, because Seokjin liked to be rough.

When that carrot fell, you couldn’t shake Seokjin’s desperate hands off yours and you carried him with you as you curved your body toward the floor to pick up your mess. Seokjin was blessed and cursed with the brief moment he got to touch more of you than he ever had as your ass rocked back and ground gently into him. 

He’d moaned, though he tried to disguise it as a grunt or scoff, but the way your delicious ass attracted him right in between the line of your cheeks practically begged him to rut against you. 

Your reaction of shock, though, halted him as he remembered you two were in the kitchen of his family’s restaurant. He scrambled to cover his dick before it became even more obvious and humiliating. 

And then you fell, because Seokjin was an idiot and forgot he had been holding onto you. 

The sound of your head crashing into the metal ricocheted through his ears, and your pained moan sent him spiraling in panic. He didn’t think. Seokjin wasn’t the best at remaining calm during potential medical emergencies, instead of electing to assess your wellbeing and check-in with you, he just reacted, plucking you off the floor and onto the counter.

You can’t manage a restaurant without carrying heavy sacks of rice or flour, cartons of vegetables or gallons of oils and liquids into the space. That, plus the fact that Seokjin did go to the gym to keep his figure, ensured that when he had to pull you up from the floor, he could do so with ease. Which thanks to his awful, overly enthusiastic libido, was really locking in some potential size kink. If Seokjin could hoist you onto the cold prep counter without breaking a sweat, it meant he could also hoist you onto other things, like his cock. Could bounce you up and down and see how those delicious, large tits would follow his pace.

Fuck. 

This was when Seokjin realized even though he was deeply, deeply interested in these fantasies, his reality was different. Because too easily he had dipped into some innate submissive part of you and decided to play with it and tease you for it. Too easily, he has erased any boundary between professional and personal, and now you are walking around with a giant bruise on your forehead. He used his power to manipulate you, didn’t he? While the tiniest part of him argued back, suggesting it was purely mutual attraction and biology, that he shouldn’t apologize because he swore he saw something in your eyes that almost guaranteed you wanted him too, this is why Seokjin had to apologize. The “almost” of it all. He wasn’t sure, which meant the uncertainty was a risk and just because he wanted something to be true didn’t mean it was. 

By the end of the day, the intense proximity to you and the memory of your lips parting to suck his tongue into your mouth had become too much. Seokjin turned on an impromptu stream to wallow in his self pity and direct that dominant energy into something that was far less harmful and at least lucrative. 

Now, as the winter’s dull afternoon light glowed through the city, Seokjin checked his phone, seeing that the evening crew leader had arrived and informed him that everything was covered and they wouldn’t need the extra help. 

With that update, Seokjin’s entire evening just became available, which was a rare thing for him since he moved up in his job role. But because of this, he was unsure what to do to pass the time. He cooked himself dinner, cleaned, and organized the jars in his refrigerator, needing to keep his hands busy to distract himself from thinking about you. 

His apartment looking immaculate and there no longer being anything else to clean, he finally fired up his computer to play games. Maybe this would serve as a proper distraction. His new PC was set to come early next week after being delayed by the snow. Despite Seokjin’s financial success since his start as a streamer, money to him was still something he wasn’t sure what to do with. 

After Worldwide Handsome took their cut from last night’s fifteen grand in earnings, he would be walking away with about ten thousand dollars. He would, albeit quietly, pour around seven thousand of those dollars into the restaurant, where the mom-and-pop feel of the small shop was starting to show its age.

Last week, he’d called a repairman to give him a quote about fixing a broken coil on one of the griddles. After a quick inspection, he was informed most of the unit was corroding, and it was time to seriously consider a replacement. Between that, the new register he ordered, and the walk-in freezer that was coughing its last breath, probably as we speak, Seokjin spent nearly forty grand in the last month with repairs and replacements to keep the shop running another day. 

His parents had insisted they’d pay for the expenses, but after the first few discoveries he’d made of the DIY wiring his father had tried in earnest to configure, Seokjin stopped alerting them to the updates he was making, hoping that distance, age, and some fairly similar looking appliances would allow for these changes to go undetected when they returned. He had seen what this place made. He’d seen his paycheck. There was no way in hell his father could afford an $18 to 25,000 walk-in freezer on their operating budget. 

Overall, Seokjin made plenty of money with streaming, but beyond some investments and his nice apartment, as well as a savings account to ensure he wasn’t completely destitute, he lived much below his means. When he hit goals during his streaming, it did really feel like he was winning big. To buy himself a new PC was something he knew he worked for.  

Just as he was browsing the new skins in the game store, he heard the familiar chime and his heartrate picked up. 

You were live. 

He hesitated. “No,” he said out loud to himself, his voice croaking after hours of not speaking. “Don’t even think about it.” 

He knew if he looked at you right now, all the distractions, the cleaning, the dedication to keeping himself busy, would be for nothing. It would be painful to look at you–probably all cozy with your hair pulled messily away from your face, your glasses hanging off your nose instead of your usual contacts–and not think about how merely hours ago he had your heat rubbed up against him. 

If he really wanted to torture himself, he would also think about how the casual, disheveled look you sported could have been something he woke up to this morning if he’d tried a little harder, the loose t-shirt you probably wore rising up while you slept next to him, exposing the soft tummy he knew hid under it. Maybe even one of your nipples would slip out, hard from the chill of the cold winter air bleeding into his apartment. 

But Seokjin wouldn’t torture himself. He knew better. When he exited his game, he definitely didn’t launch his web browser and go to your channel that was on his Favorites tab. And he definitely didn’t cup himself through his sweats as he watched you appear before him. 

If the idea of you in casual wear could make him this hard, the view of you now, as you sat on stream with a tight, low-cut top that showed the curve of your breasts and their delicious, lickable valley between them, could easily turn every part of him into stone. You did your makeup today. Let your hair delicately frame your face. You looked like you were logging on to lure your viewers to come to you like a siren. Seokjin wanted you to devour him. 

His cock twitched and he groaned. He was such a pervert. But whoever this Y/N was, she looked like she was ready to play some games, and not the kind that Seokjin was used to seeing on stream. 

“Well, hello,” you purred. Was this really happening? Who the fuck had possessed the wide-eyed, awkward gamer he was used to watching?

“I thought, given that it’s so close to Valentine's Day, and because I missed the stream last night, I would make it up to you.” 

Seokjin froze. How had he not known you were supposed to stream yesterday? He would’ve never let you stay so late. He shot you an apologetic text,and when he looked up from his phone, he saw some of the comments flooding into your feed:

Mingisaysrelax: Um…am I on the right website? 😏💦

MountainSan88:😳 

PizzaBoy97: You look really pretty 😍

MizzVyne: Is this allowed? IS THIS ALLOWED?

Seokjin watched as your chat exploded in response to your new look, clips being taken by the hundreds when you leaned down to adjust your seat and the tops of your breasts jiggled. Your mods seemed to be on top of things though, because as soon as he saw raunchy or hateful comments, they were swiftly being taken down. 

“I’m not going to read my comment section right now, but I assume you’re all a little shocked by my appearance. I don’t know, I was feeling a bit inspired by another streamer I watched last night when I got home from work. He had some really good ideas on um…stuff, and no I’m not going to share who he is because some of you will absolutely cyber bully him for being associated with me and he deserves better than that.” 

He. A pang of bitterness surged through Seokjin. It was laughable, really, how he was jealous because you were watching other male streamers when you got home from work, completely oblivious to how on another site he was jerking his aching cock to his viewers thanks to how worked up you made him. 

“But yeah, I’m going to switch up the stream in the second half, if you want to stick around and see.”

This really piqued his interest, pressing his palm down onto his erection to try and relieve some of the pressure. 

You frowned at your screen as you launched your game, some first person shooter that would hold your attention so you wouldn’t have to talk.

You opened your mouth to add something, but you were immediately dropped into your game, setting your jaw as you focused on the controls in front of you, occasionally panicking, key smashing so loud that it drowned out your squeals when you were knocked over and over again and needed a revive. 

Seokjin assumed whatever teammate who kept reviving you must’ve been a subscriber who was stream sniping…or reverse stream sniping? Stream assisting and reviving as you struggled your way through the game. 

Something really stuck with him as you played. Whoever this “mentor” was must have been well versed in the knowledge that on any streaming platform, sex sells, especially for women. Your new look was drawing in quite the crowd. He wasn’t sure he’d seen you have this many subs, points, or viewers while streaming before. It was like a switch flipped. 

He felt a tiny flutter of something like pride swell into his chest. You were becoming more confident every day he knew you, from your knife skills to school teaching to now streaming. 

“Oh shittttttt,” you groaned into your mic, ripping Seokjin away from his soft reverie and back into full on, desperate wanting. Maybe you were toeing the community guidelines with this stream, but that groan sounded almost pornographic coming out of your mouth, and any chance Seokjin had at trying to be respectful was long gone. 

He cocked an eyebrow. “Oh you’re being a bad girl tonight I see,” he chuckled to himself.

Almost as if you heard him, you giggled back, biting your lip playfully. Fuck, what were you doing to him? Your chat seemed to be in a similar standing. 

As a result, One of the mods pinned an announcement to the top:

W0nW00: To maintain community guidelines and compliance, we are labeling this channel as 18+. We ask that you be respectful to Y/N and her moderators as we continue with this stream. If your account is set to under 18, you will be redirected in 2 minutes. 

Shit, all for a simple moan? 

You paused the game. “I’m going to go for a bio break. Be right back.” You set your break screen, and instead of the usual, cutesy graphic of a cherry blossom tree blowing in the wind that said “Spring Day Streams”, it was now a neon, vaporwave cityscape and said “Join Us For Spring Night Streams, An After Dark Experience”. 

Seokjin’s eyes wide, he finally released his cock from his sweats, and took himself in his hand. Oh, this was going to be good. 

Seokjin is a camboy.

That’s the only thought splitting through the headache you’ve had all morning. Is there such a thing as an orgasm hangover? Because if so, you’ve got one. If not, maybe you were concussed in the kitchen yesterday.

You’ve spent most of the day trying to clean up the mess of your apartment and frankly, your mental state. Seokjin spends his Friday nights Daddy domming his humble pool of viewers and making thousands of dollars doing so. To even think that sentence feels insane. 

And humiliating. Because attached to that sentence is the realization that Seokjin’s major success as a gay camboy means that he is absolutely not thinking about you the way you are of him, and the kiss you imposed on him at work was definitely not consensual after all, which when you think about it, is obvious based on how frantically he apologized and assigned himself at fault for what happened. He was trying in the most polite way to reject you. 

You’re an idiot. And despite all of it, the shame of your action isn’t what’s delivering the heavy punch; it’s the fact that your crush didn’t die the second you found out last night. If anything, you’ve been silently wallowing in your sadness since you woke up, your stupid heart not processing that there’s one significant reason for why you can’t have him. 

You try to trudge through the fog of it all, placing your newly cleaned toys back into their proper dust cases and compartments before returning them to the drawer next to your side table. You switch loads of laundry and drop the warm pile on your bed, grimacing at the idea of having to fold it all. 

You shouldn’t be disappointed. This is a stupid crush that was never meant to go this far. Not to this place where you aren’t just humiliated, but the loneliness that you often avoid feeling has been spilling through the cracks of your life all day. 

The laundry is the only thing that occupies one side of your bed. Never another body, his warmth, his weight existing as another living thing keeping your living thing company as you fold laundry or wash dishes. 

No, you shouldn’t have projected this crush or obsession or whatever you want to call it onto Seokjin, but in these months of conversation and blooming friendship, you’ve found your mind beginning to wander into the fantasy of not just sex, but safety and connection. He’s a man who has always treated you with the utmost respect, even now in how he has maintained a boundary that gently rejects you, even if it’s confusing. 

Before his promotion at the restaurant, there was collaboration that fostered your trust in him; your bodies started working around each other like dancers, fusing your movements with a natural flow. You’d seen some of that pop up throughout the day yesterday, which you couldn’t help but feel like delivered a bit of hope in your stomach. 

You know it’s useless to continue hoping that something will change. Maybe he’s bi, you’ve thought a few times since you went to bed. He did call everyone a good girl. But, don’t some guys call each other girls as some kind of kink? But even hoping for that still feels wrong in your gut. Instead of wishing he just so happens to like pussy, you should be redirecting yourself from the fact that it doesn’t even matter. He said so himself, he’s your boss. 

“Ugh,” you groan into your unfolded laundry. Why can’t anything ever be easy? 

You shove the clothing pile to one side of your bed as you lie down, staring up at the ceiling, your eyes following the soft pattern of cracks that have begun to appear through the paint. You already know that going back to work on Monday will be awful, not just because this crush won’t crush itself, but because you clearly now know more about Seokjin than he perhaps ever wanted you to know. Won’t it be awkward trying to talk to him? And if he asks why you’re being so weird, what will you even say?

Sorry Seokjin, I’m not sure how to talk to you anymore because I spent Friday cumming while watching you on your gay cam show as you stroked your huge dick and admittedly once I saw your face connected to your dick I had the best orgasm of my life that rendered me useless the next day.

Perfect. This won’t be absolute hell at all. 

Your stream alarm rings on your phone. You sigh. That’s right. You promised a makeup stream to your followers. 

How did Seokjin stream so confidently? Last night, the way he just exuded dominance and control, how he managed to get so much money from sitting there and making his chat do the work? It’s not only impressive but also inspiring. If you were able to have that distance from your chat, maybe things would be a bit easier, and the questions that were so personal and directed would fade into the background while ones of adoration and impersonal fantasies could take their place. 

And the money, god. If you had money like that, you wouldn’t have a stack of financial aid forms sitting on your dresser right now waiting for you to basically jump through hoops to ask nicely for a loan. 

The way he was able to be so different and make money off of it? That feels promising to you too. Because whoever Daddy Dom Seokjin is, he isn’t just walking around in the world being “on” all the time. You know him as someone whose ears flush with embarrassment the second one of the delivery guys tells him he made an error with the order and tries to diffuse the tension with some free snacks; who often hums game scores and whose laugh sounds like a squeaky windshield wiper swiping across dried glass. 

What if you could be more like that? 

Not Daddy Dom or Mommy Y/N, but more casual and detached? You could stop reading your chat and answering questions. Or if you did want to play into some of Seokjin’s sex appeal, you could dress slightly more suggestively or do your hair and makeup to exploit the male gaze’s money a bit, just like how Seokjin did. 

In this world of streaming, where everything feels like fractured versions of reality, parts of you being split among the pixels and delivered and digested into someone else’s home for their entertainment and pleasure, it’s hard for you to ever feel like you can have some close community with your followers. Not like Wonwoo does with his. Because of your start and how people perceive you now, there just doesn’t seem to be a way for you to have intimacy. Even if you tried, your chat flies by so quickly now that unless it’s a notification from a mod, any usernames and personal anecdotes are lost before you can even know who’s who. 

You think about it for a bit. It can’t hurt to try, right? It’s not like you being a little less reserved would automatically launch you into a career in porn. And if it will help bring a little more income in, lessen the blow a tiny bit, you can’t really see why it would make sense to keep doing things this way when you are this miserable by the idea of it. 

Spring Day Streams holds a standard image that is pink and soft, and you know some people love watching you because you’re hitting some fantasy they have. The woman who looks like an angel but swears like a sailor and as stereotypes often assume, fucks like a demon. 

What could “fuck like a demon” look like on an often all ages game streaming platform, though? Well, not all ages. Some streams are only accessible to registered users over the age of 18. Usually the age filter is there because the game is super graphic, or the streamer is a sex educator or swears so much the algorithm has started penalizing them. A few times though, you’ve seen some streamers playing games that are so raunchy they’re basically porn. And porn versions of those games exist, but to keep some of them streamer-friendly, they also sell versions that don’t have uncensored anime girls receiving creampies. That would definitely maintain the brand without going too far, right? 

You open your phone, typing in some of the titles of games, mostly dating simulators you’ve seen other streamers play before, and then you stumble across one called MiCamStudio, a puzzle game with the plot where you’re the manager of a camgirl enterprise and your goal is to become the most successful, richest entrepreneur while keeping your girls happy. 

You laugh. It feels a bit on the nose, but a fun way to shake things up in an after-dark concept. And it’s not too expensive, which means if this entire plan bombs, you won’t have invested much into it. Fine, you’ll do it. 

Wonwoo responds right away after you shoot a quick message with your idea to your mods on discord to help them prepare. 

On it. 

With a deep breath, you start to get ready. 

As you brace yourself to come back from your short bio break and announcement, your heart is hammering in your ears. What if everyone left? What if things get weird or gross or you think you’re being kind of sexy and cute but are really just being an idiot? 

Suddenly, this entire idea seems so stupid. What if your mom decides this is finally the time she wants to watch you stream? She hasn’t ever had the interest to, but what if she finally thinks to herself on a random Saturday night in February, “Wow, I sure do crave watching some video game streams! Say, I know my daughter Y/N streams. I should check it out!” or worse, what if someone she knows sends one of the clips or a screenshot of you with your tits practically out? 

Your anxiety is starting to win in this battle, and as you pace back and forth in front of your computer, shaking your clammy hands and trying to remember how to breathe, you see the number of viewers has dropped since the stream moved from all ages to 18+. Which means that you can now read your chat again. 

The comments are actually really supportive. Among them are some of your mods cheering you on, but one username anchors you back into your chair as you watch the notification dance across the screen. 

JokeJinSeokjin has subscribed for 3x months!

Seokjin. Seokjin is live and watching you. Which you expect to be the thing that will throw you over the edge. Seokjin, your boss. Your kind of friend. Your crush. The man who you are trying to emulate in this attempt to be sexy and earn more money and confidence. 

Surprisingly, a warm glow of comfort settles in you stomach instead. Because while maybe in all of this mess there’s plenty to be anxious about, you feel a part of you that’s determined to make him proud, to show him in this rejection what he’s missing out on. You take a deep breath to steady yourself as you hit the button to come back. 

“Ah, hello! I mean-um, hello,” you catch the nervousness pouring out of your shaky voice and clear your throat, trying to sound more composed. 

“I wanted to try something new today. Well, tonight. Welcome to Spring Night Streams, where I’ll be playing some not safe for work in more of a raunchy way type of games. Because as we know if there’s blood and guts and horror, it’s all ages! But boobs, those are a no no!”

You shakily laugh and suck your lip into your teeth. The taste of your lipstick laths over your tongue and you try not to think about how messy you just made it look. Or how you might now have lipstick on your teeth to really add an effect of clownery to your poor jokes. 

“I’m going to play this game? It came out a few years ago, but it’s a puzzle game called MiCamStudio. Maybe some of you have played it. But uh, yeah if you don’t like things like that I can always um…well I’ll just try it and see…” you trail off and nervously fidget with your controls as you open the game. 

Whatever you were expecting out of a dating simulator type game where you were in charge of cam girls, it wasn’t this. When you open the menu to start a new game, the animation that loads after you click “Start Streaming” is dozens of bra-clad boobs bouncing across the screen as it transitions you to the story line menu. 

Jesus Christ. Heat floods your cheeks. This somehow feels worse than the time your earbuds died and you didn’t notice that the audiobook of a very spicy holiday romance you were listening to wasn’t coming through them, but your phone. On the bus. And to make matters worse, you were at a part where the narrator was very generously providing sound effects and moans for the main character as she participated in an orgy with triple penetration. Yikes. 

You begin the walk-through of the storyline, greeted by Candy, a pink haired, busty camgirl who is looking to expand her horizons in the business. As you tap through the prompts, Candy starts to become less dressed, abandoning her already tiny skirt and crop top combo for a barely-there set of lingerie that covers just her nipples and vagina. 

“I need your help!” Candy pouts, her eyes shimmering with tears. “I need 400 new fans for my business or else I’ll be out of work! Quick, use this magic wand as you solve puzzles to help me get closer to my goal!” 

The wand is, of course, a vibrator. When you play through the first level tutorial and are prompted to use the wand, it vibrates the blocks, shifting them into new positions on the screen to match colors together. If you get enough combos, she has a giant orgasm, which increases her fans so you can pass to the next level. 

As you work through some of the first few levels, you notice that your view count has recovered somewhat from earlier, though the comments are kind of off-putting. Not because people are being sexually inappropriate, but because they’re mad you’re not interacting with them. 

NGL I thought this was going to be more fun and naughty. 

Yeah now she’s not even talking to us at all. 

I miss when she was bad at games and it was at least interesting. 

Someone come get me if she starts moaning again like she did earlier. 

Fuck. You are fucking this up. And your viewers are right, you haven’t been talking to them. Or really doing anything but playing the game and trying not to wince from embarrassment every time Candy moans as you make her a star. 

There’s got to be something you can do. You think about Seokjin again, who you’re not sure is still watching, but you hope some of that confident edge he had last night starts to come over you, too. What was it that he did to keep everyone engaged? 

He gave them incentive. A goal. He didn’t have to say much to them but tell them what to do and they happily did it. And that also took the pressure off of him to keep talking. 

With a deep breath, you test the waters. “Oh, you wanted more fun and naughty? Well, you didn’t really work for it did you?” 

You hate the words as they come from your mouth, but they have an immediate result. 

Loyal2You tipped 1600 points. What do you need us to do to earn it?

Your face burns hot, and you sip some water to try and cool yourself, playing it off as nonchalance rather than anxiety. You feel your stomach threatening to lurch into your throat as you force out the next sentence.  

“Mmm, I don’t know. Maybe you need to show me what I need,” you smirk. You really don’t know. Money? Subs? People not questioning you? This to be over?

LongJohn69 gifted 10 subs. Maybe this will help? 😉

“Well, it’s a start. Thanks for the sub,” you giggle, forcing yourself to relax into your chair. 

“Hmm, what can I give you all as a reward? I feel like I could really use some cute new clothes that I can wear for you next stream if you help me?” 

Your voice is softened and the pitch is a bit higher. Maybe Candy’s baby voice is having an impact on you from the game, because your normal, even paced tone is taking a turn. Is this the persona you’ve been trying to find? 

But you need this money. School, your future. You can’t just keep living the way you have been. 

7DaysAWeek tipped 10,000 points. Please, say “thank you 7 days” in that adorable whiny voice, baby. I’ll double tip if you do.

You freeze. 20,000 points is $200. All for you to say something so simple and stupid? 

God, but it doesn’t feel right to do it. You could ignore it, you think. And walk away with $100 before your commission rate is taken out. Which will end up being nothing, you realize.

“Oh, hmm.” You pause and then just do it. “Okay. Thank you 7 Days for the points. I really appreciate it.” You drum up the dramatics, eliciting some horrible, embarrassing baby voice that makes your vowels stringy and weak. 

Yuck. More requests pour in, people eager to get you to recite some innocent seeming phrases that you know are fodder for their spank bank. 

You see a tiny notification flash in the bottom right corner: a private message from Wonwoo. 

Y/N, you could get into deep shit if you aren’t careful. This could potentially violate your terms of service. 

You frown at the message but nod to let him know you read it. 

“Okay, well, I think it’s time we get back to the game!” You awkwardly divert your attention back to the screen, letting Candy’s moans fill the silence as you ignore the new requests and subs for the rest of your stream, too humiliated to think about what they could be saying.

After you end your stream, you feel the damn of tears that was welling your eyes for the last half hour spill. 

What a fucking disaster. What started as a hopeful night turned out to be one of your most streamed yet somehow also least successful broadcasts. The rush of viewers at the start provided you with a great boost, but after you didn’t engage again with the requests, your views, subs, and points plummeted, leaving you with a very slim payout for the day. This wouldn’t be much of anything for your bills once commission is taken. 

You don’t know how people do this. You feel like absolutely dog shit, and you even wrapped early, pretending that you were sick. But maybe you also aren’t really pretending, your stomach feels knotted and sour. 

Something about that felt wrong, but you don’t really understand why. It’s not like you’re prudish or fear sex. On any given day those kinds of requests stack up by the hundreds. But maybe it’s because tonight you finally peeled back the dismissive layer and let them in that has you feeling vulnerable and honestly, a little dirty. 

You wipe some stray tears from your eyes, stretching across the desk to grab your phone and pull it off of do not disturb mode. You see a few texts from Seokjin that he sent while you were streaming. 

Seokjin (8:17PM): Hey! I didn’t know you were supposed to stream yesterday. I would have let you leave early if I’d known.😞

Seokjin (9:15PM): Hey, are you okay? You look really uncomfortable. I know you’re playing and won’t see this until after you’re done but I wanted to check. 

Seokjin (9:47PM): Y/N, please don’t feed into these requests if it’s not what you want. 

Seokjin (10:02PM): Call me. The second you get this. Urgent.

You read the last text, which was sent twenty minutes ago. Shit, did something happen to the restaurant? 

“Y/N,” Seokjin says after one ring, his voice strained. 

“Um, hi Seokjin. I’m just calling you back because you said it’s urgent! Is everything okay with the restaurant? Did the snow knock power out or something? If you need me to come in tomorrow too I can help with stuff.”

“What?” Seokjin pauses for a second, his exasperation now turned to confusion. “No, Y/N. Everything with the restaurant is fine.”

“Oh. Then why did you call?” you ask. 

“Well, if you saw all my texts then you know I was watching your stream. And I just wanted to check and make sure you’re okay after that? Near the end you looked pretty upset.”

The warmth in your stomach you felt when you first heard his voice is gone, replaced by a sharp, gritty unease.

“Oh. Um, yeah I’m…fine,” but the tightness in your throat betrays you and a tiny sob escapes as the tears begin falling again. 

Seokjin doesn’t say anything as you sniffle into your phone, scrubbing the dribble away from your nose and cheeks with your sleeve. 

“Hey,” he says as your cries become softer. “Do you want to get out of the house for a bit?”

“It’s kind of late, isn’t it,” you say weakly. 

“That’s not what I asked. Do you want to get out of the house for a bit?” He repeats. 

Do you? Part of you is exhausted, tempted to just go right to bed. But you know if you lie down right now in the rest of that unfolded pile of laundry you might never emerge. 

“Ok,” you whisper into the receiver. 

“I’ll come get you,” Seokjin says. “Dress warm. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

When you were little, your parents took you on a road trip to get away from the city. You sat in the backseat, kicking your father’s chair grumpily on the first day, tired from waking up early and having to be stuffed into the car with the mountain of snacks, toys, clothes, and camping gear you had shoved in beside you. Your father was patient for the first hour of your kicks, but before long the steady thump thump thump on his lower back was becoming a strong annoyance as he navigated further away from home. 

“Y/N,” your father had sharply warned once he’d had enough. “Keep it up, and I’ll take your feet off and put them into my pockets.” 

While in retrospect the threat is silly and impossible, at the time, your five-year-old self was struck with horror as you imagined him sawing your feet off like the patients who were out in the snow for too long in that medical TV show you saw at your grandparents’ house once.

You’d tucked your feet underneath you until you were at a rest stop, where picnic tables and a small garden scape awaited you, filled with native wildflowers and lazy, fat bees that hovered from flower to flower. 

Your mother smoothed your hair with her hand, guiding you through the garden as your father bought your lunches from inside the building. 

“He didn’t mean it,” she’d said softly, feathering the tips of your hair across your cheek. Goosebumps prickled along your arms and you shivered, even though the sun was heavy and hot on top of you that day. “No one will take your feet from you.” 

You’d hugged her tightly then, still unsure as to why someone would try to take your feet from you. Your tapping in the car was mostly to keep you from feeling like you were going to be sick, but back then you didn’t really have the words to express yourself. 

When your father returned, he wordlessly placed your meal in front of you, including a large, fudgy cookie for dessert. Your father had always been proud, and even then when he didn’t apologize to you and promise he wouldn’t saw off your feet, being given a dessert was as good as any apology. 

He smiled when you licked the smudged chocolate off your fingers, eventually tutting impatiently so your mother would take you to the bathroom to wash up. Afterwards, you found him looking at a map on the building’s outside wall, with a bright cherry red You Are Here sticker signifying where in this confusing picture you were supposed to be. 

“There’s an observation point a few stops away from here. It’s supposed to be a really nice view over a valley. Y/N, do you want to be our navigator for those and help me decide when we should stop to look?” 

Laced in there was his apology. An opportunity at redemption, connection. You’d nodded instantly and scrambled back into the car, no longer upset about having to share your space in the backseat with all the cargo, ready to take on your role as your father’s co-pilot. 

You visited every observation point along that freeway that trip, all the way from the rest stop to the campground in some rural village. Some of the spots were lackluster, now overgrown and showing a view of a wall of trees and bushes and not some regal cavern or farmland below. But there were also the ones that, had you never insisted on visiting, you would have never seen half as much of the flora and fauna you’d expected to see on your camping trip. And it was the one major trip your family had ever had that made you all feel like a collective unit, ready to fight against the forces of grumpiness or foot-sawers together.

From that point on, whenever you saw the sign marker, you couldn’t help but feel a smile bloom on your face, which is why at this moment you are sitting next to Seokjin in his car, bundled up and stupidly beaming at him as he mirrors a happy but confused smirk back at you.

When he’d picked you up, Seokjin didn’t say much, just started driving north, through your neighborhood and into the rolling hills outside of the city. While this morning’s snow still clings to the trees and rooftops of some hillside buildings, surprisingly, the plows have done a good job of ensuring the road is safe and salted. You can feel the tense knots in your shoulders starting to lessen a little just from the feeling of being somewhere else for a while.

As you weave up the mountain side, toward the observation point, you gasp. 

“What?” he asks. “What’s wrong?’ His eyes bulge from his head. 

“It’s just that, I love observation points,” you say sheepishly, not sure if you should divulge your entire story. 

Seokjin nods, thoughtful. “I like to come up here sometimes when I’ve had a really bad day. Just need to clear my head. Seemed like you needed to do that too.” The car curves along the bend, some of the wind fluttering clods of snow from the trees and onto the road. 

“Yeah, I do…” You trail off, letting him take you higher into the mountain before pulling into the observation point. This one has some small cafés and despite the late hour and snowfall, there are still quite a few cars parked in the lot, some sets of families and couples strolling around with warm drinks and peering out onto the twinkling, snow-covered city below. 

“How’s your head,” he asks gently, and it takes you a minute to remember what he’s referring to. You touch the make-up covered bruise and shrug.

 “Eh, it’s not so bad.” Truly, as the day wears on, you are feeling a bit tender, but the swelling has gone down, and your worry has gone with it. 

Seokjin opens your door for you, ever the gentleman, and you try to fight off the harsh tug in your chest that likens this behavior to a date. 

The two of you head over toward one of the lookout points, leaning against the rail posts. You take in the rolling hills below, how soft and plush the city looks now, almost like it could never be a place where you feel sadness or loneliness. You sigh. 

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Seokjin begins gently, “but I was wondering what happened during your stream tonight.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” you assure him. 

Maybe this conversation would feel more uncomfortable if you didn’t already feel so awful. You are just trying to feel a little bit better about this whole ordeal. Trying to find in you some nugget of comfort to ensure a more stable future. And hell, Seokjin had made it seem so easy. But now, you are humiliated. You aren’t sure how you are going to go live again and go back to how things were before when the internet is probably making a giant laughing stock of you, or fetishizing you. You’re not sure which one is worse. 

“So, I know when we used to be, um, friends, I had mentioned to you that streaming is something I fell into. And as you also know from working with me, I don’t have the best social skills. Or I can, maybe, I don’t know. Anyway, I haven’t been liking it that much, really. Mostly because people in the chat always ask really personal questions about me and it feels weird. Like they’re real people but they can’t be real, to me. Does that make sense?”

He nods once, urging you to continue. 

“Right, so, in all of this, I’ve been trying to think of ways to make it more fun for me. And last night I saw you-YouTuber. I saw this YouTube streamer and on his stream he just seemed so cool, and smart. And he was able to both stay engaged without telling everyone everything and had distance. But he also was kind of domin-strong, he was just really good at telling people to meet goals and incentives. And it worked, they did it. I thought, maybe this could help me be better at this so I don’t hate it so much. I could make some persona, do something different that helps me better enjoy it or make more money. I don’t know. It seems stupid now when I think about it.”

“It’s not stupid, Y/N,” Seokjin says, turning to you. Your eyes flit to his face. His nose is pinkish from the cold, and his broad shoulders are tightly bound up to his ears to avoid the chill from spreading. 

“Of course you should like streaming, but if you don’t, if this isn’t the formula that works for you, then maybe you should try something different to help you.”

“How do you do it?” you ask, realizing too late what you are saying. 

Seokjin freezes. “Do what?”

“Um, how do you maintain confidence all the time? Like at work and stuff.”

Seokjin scoffs. “I don’t. You know that. Weren’t you just with me last week when I was bowing and spluttering like an idiot to Mrs. Yoon because that one repair man backed his car over her potted azalea? I was anything but confident then.” 

You fight a soft smile. Seokjin had been trying to scoop the twiggy, out of season bush into a bucket to salvage it before offering to replace it. Mrs. Yoon however, was having none of it, chirping on about how that plant had been germinated from her ancestors’ hillside home generations ago, and despite her choosing to carelessly plop it into a busy alleyway, she was sure there was no replacement that could soothe her aching heart. Seokjin handed her a wad of cash, and a gift certificate to the restaurant in an act of good faith. That seemed to shut her up. 

“You know what I mean,” you nudge. “You have an ability to talk to people though. Even Mrs. Yoon can’t say no to your mother’s bossam recipe when you charm her like that.” 

“First of all, no one can say no to my mother’s bossam recipe, regardless if I’m there to grovel or not. Secondly, you’re charming too, Y/N.”

You chortle at this. You? Charming? “Ha, I wish. But really, Seokjin. Half of that stream was an awkward setup and I thought I was going to puke. And not because of how I was dressed or anything like that. It’s so weird. I don’t really care about if people make comments like that about me because they’re impersonal. But knowing that I am sitting there, and everyone has some expectation of how I’m going to perform for them, it makes me feel awful.” 

“Tell me about it,” you hear him mutter, but he then recovers. “It sounds like that crossed one of your boundaries, then. Just because some explicit stuff doesn’t bother you, doesn’t mean that nothing ever will. And it doesn’t have to make sense. You can not care if strangers are talking about you sexually but care if you’re engaging with them and using sexual innuendos to do so.” 

Part of you is tempted to engage with the comment, to press him to explain and pretend that you have no idea what he’s speaking in regard to. But what good would that do here? Please Seokjin, can you share with me how being a gay sex cammer, which I absolutely already know about after watching you and masturbating to you, has impacted your life? 

God, how mortifying it would be for you. 

Instead, you let the comment go, cutting him enough slack so he can assume you didn’t hear him. 

“You know, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Seokjin adds. You shoot him a look. 

“I don’t really have much of a choice at this point! No offense, but it’s not like I’m making bank at the restaurant, and I already have chosen to withdraw from this term because of billing issues and–” 

“You’re withdrawing from school? Y/N!” He yells,  and you feel a heat of shame flood your cheeks as you see some scattered people shift their attention toward you. 

Now you were both embarrassed and pissed. How dare he scold you?

“Not from school, just the term!” you yell back. You’d made the choice in your spiral this evening, in between bio breaks. It was haunting you as you stared back at the packet of financial aid papers and billings notices. Streaming, you’ve now seen, is such a hit or miss game. And you truly can’t maintain the expenses that can cut into your work hours. Especially if you need to get a different job that isn’t streaming or working at the restaurant. 

“Is..is that where Spring Night Streams is coming from?” he asks, face flushed with embarrassment at his outburst. Your anger dulls.

“Partially. This felt like some way to sustain myself without it draining me. I thought maybe if I look pretty, people won’t just come and try to either ask me super personal things I don’t want to share, or they’ll just feed into basically the illusion of sex and pay me that way. And I can continue to play games and suck at them or be good at them, but the original reason behind why they came to my stream could be replaced with a different person, someone who isn’t so closely trying to dig into me.

“But, then I fumbled the bag, and you saw it. The viewer count was fluctuating so bad, and the second I interacted with that one comment, suddenly I was toeing the line for TOS and could easily have jeopardized my entire branding and be permanently banned from the website for sexual activity. Tonight was one of the lowest payouts I’ve made since I started. And now I know too, this could all just as easily go away if I’m not being…I don’t know. Compliant.” 

Seokjin makes a dissatisfied grunt, his breath coming out in a white puff. Now past eleven, most of the couples and families have dispersed, and the cute café that had advertised decadent looking hot chocolates is closed. The only thing remaining open is the tiny convenient store. 

You try to suppress a shiver but fail. 

“Come on,” he says, guiding you away from the railing and toward the store. 

Inside, the shopkeeper doesn’t even flinch or look away from his phone, which is streaming some sports match in Spanish. 

Seokjin places his hand on the small of your back as he guides you over to the drinks section, gesturing for you to select something from the warm options. 

“I wouldn’t recommend anything pre-made,” he warns, his voice low. “That stuff has probably been here since this morning.” He helps himself to a tea packet and the hot water dispenser. 

You browse a little and find a packet of hot chocolate. While it may not be the fancy, marshmallow delight pink drink that the café had advertised in their window, this will do just fine. 

By the time you’ve gotten your drink mixed together, Seokjin is waiting for you at the counter, a selection of different snacks piled high and a gentle smile on his face despite how bothered and grumpy the shop worker is toward him, practically smashing the food into a bag and muttering a total. 

You hadn’t given yourself a chance to really look at him before, but as he stands before you, you can finally take in how incredible he looks. While he’s wearing some gray joggers underneath, he’s elected for a long black puffer coat and green knit sweater and somehow looks so put together, so…boyfriend. 

Your heart flutters a bit and you try to tamp it down. This isn’t a date, you remind yourself, Get a hold of yourself Y/N. 

As you head back out into the chilly air, you both settle into a table outside of the convenience store, and Seokjin pulls the snacks out of the bag, all of which are your favorites. 

“You remembered?” you ask, a little stunned that he would commit all your tiny convenience store runs to memory over the months you’ve worked together and would split packets of sweet potato puffs and tiny, sweet cakes. He shrugs. 

“Morale is low. You need the boost. Now pass me some of those chips, I’m starving.” 

Your stomach growls in agreement, and you pop open the bag, nibbling away quietly. 

“You don’t need to people please to be a good streamer,” Seokjin says finally, rinsing his mouth with his tea. You chew your bottom nervously but wait for him to continue. “There’s tons of people on the internet who do streaming for all kinds of uh, stuff. And they make a ton of money without compromising their values to do so. Maybe instead of focusing on what you think people want in a stream, do what you want instead.” 

You sigh. “See, that sounds great and all, but when I tried that today, people got mad and left. Did you see all the donations trying to get me to say things or do stuff after that first one?”

Seokjin rolls his eyes, taking a big bite of a chocolate cake thing and chewing diligently. “Welrr,” he begins, his mouth stuffed full, “I guesh you have to undershtand dat peepo on dee internet will always chewz sex first to get what dey wan.” He swallows. “And if that doesn’t work because someone sets a boundary, fuck them.” He pauses. “Not literally!” A blush creeps up his neck. 

You laugh. “I thought you limited your swearing to mostly angry kitchen interactions,” you say, and sip the watery hot chocolate. You wince. 

“You chose wrong with that hot chocolate. I’ll make it up to you next time.” Next time. Your stomach leaps. 

“But you don’t see it because I’m trying to maintain a professional air most of the time. But I say shit, piss, cock and fuck pretty regularly.” Like when you’re camming, you mentally note. 

“Yeah, so, speaking of that. And boundaries. This isn’t really the most professional boss-employee relationship happening right now.” You gesture around you. You didn’t want to say it, but you know it needs to be addressed. Seokjin and you really need to figure out a new set of rules, especially now you know what he does after dark, and he’s watching your streams, too. 

He pauses and sighs. “Shit, yeah, you’re right. Look Y/N, I do want to talk about that. And we can address it. But before we do, I want to finish talking to you about what happened earlier today. Can we do a brief boss-employee dynamic halt for the rest of the time we’re up here? I want to talk to you as a friend right now, which we once were, even if it was for a short time. Will you let me do that?” 

You look up at him, and he’s gazing back with intensity, and also something that looks almost like desperation. 

“Okay,” you say. “For the rest of the time we’re out of the city. We are just two people. Friends. Not boss. Not an employee. Just us.” 

He smiles at that. “Yeah, just us.” 

Seokjin tried to not kick himself in his own ass for doing what he was doing now. Bringing you up here, to his safe place, was far too intimate of a decision. But when he’d watched the rest of your stream, watched you do stuff that– while he couldn’t be absolutely sure but he could assume– tested your boundaries and comfort, he knew he couldn’t just let you spiral by yourself. 

He’d been there before. During a show earlier in his cam career, Seokjin was once asked to try a more extreme kink on his stream which involved a thin metal rod that he would push into his urethra for pleasure. 

He’d agreed to try it before he’d even looked it up, and even when purchasing the equipment, he’d felt really queasy and knew he would hate it. But he’d promised, which he now understood was a fake law people set for themselves to push them past their limits. On the stream where he tested it out, he started shaking and crying, stopping before he could even open the package with the rods in it and ended his stream early. 

From then on, he had spent more time learning about kinks and BDSM. It was much more psychological and technical than he’d realized, with precise and careful movements, components of care, and more thoughtfulness than he’d ever really learned from porn or the internet. 

While he and Soon Yi had been exploratory in their sex life, it wasn’t like they’d ever done proper research when they were together. Looking at things now, he felt a little sickened knowing she could have gotten seriously hurt the times he choked her, not knowing the right placement of hands or pressure to make sure he didn’t cause permanent damage. 

Seokjin then reassessed his boundaries. He never wanted to position himself on his streams where he would succumb to pressure for money and compromise his own safety or desire. This was supposed to be fun.

The main tenets of BDSM are safe, sane, and consensual, which is hard to define on the internet. When something is leaked or found by the wrong party, it can especially compromise consent. With a permanent imprint of something existing once agreed upon, at any point someone’s right to withdraw consent can be invalidated simply because there’s a paper trail. And if that happened, then safety and sanity were sure to be called into question too.

Which is why Seokjin couldn’t stay silent after he saw you drawing breath after shaky breath after the first exchange with that follower. The instant regret that bloomed on your face as you so easily traded your comfort to make money, he never wanted you to feel that or experience it again. 

Which is why you now sat before him, the residual makeup from your stream still there but smeared, a thin looking peacoat doing a lot of work to protect you from the elements. This is why he said dress warm. Why were you wearing a glorified blazer in this weather?

He knew his time was limited with you, and that yes, he was already compromising this boundary that he’d set. But boundaries could be redrawn, and in this moment, he didn’t want the only thing protecting you right now to be that peacoat. He needed to protect you too. 

Granted, you probably were questioning his qualifications in this, and for a brief moment he considered telling you, but he quickly dismissed the idea when he remembered the video of him cumming and saying your name existed on his page if you’d ever gotten curious. Behind a paywall, sure, but it was there. 

No, for now, it was Seokjin and Y/N, friends. Us, he thought, and his pulse quickened unhelpfully. 

You sat in front of him, sipping at that awful hot chocolate, waiting for him to deliver more of his advice. He hesitated to speak more. Here you were, attention fully focused on him, and the dependence on him to get you home tonight, to move back into a world that wasn’t just you two and your own little universe, and all Seokjin was doing was considering how long he could carry on the pause. 

Maybe he would never speak again, and you would have to stay here forever, on top of the mountain as the snow began to gently fall around you two like you both lived in your own private snow globe. 

Wait, snow? Seokjin blinked, and sure enough the flakes were swirling around you both again, the wind kicking up your hair. You let out a sharp shiver, and that broke the fantasy of staying here. 

He ushered you back to the car, where now the snow was coming down in thick, heavy globs that signified the moisture in the air had increased, which made sense. Back in the city, the forecast had said it was set to rain, but he’d forgotten elevation impacts the weather, and that the change of moisture in the air also could result in ice on the way down. 

As you warmed your hands in front of his heat vents, he tried to think of his next move. It was now after midnight, which meant the road authority was probably not planning on plowing the roads anytime soon, and the accumulation quickly erasing the parking lot around you was a sure sign that it soon would be unsafe to drive. 

If you stay here any longer, you might be stuck together all night, an evil idea glinted through his head, and he felt a pulse of desire run through him as he caught a whiff of your soft, sweet scent. 

It would be kind of hot, the two of you snuggled in the backseat of his SUV, you clinging to him tightly to keep yourself warm through the storm as you used his parka as a blanket, the windows fogging up to give you two privacy as you moved tighter together, panting into each other’s mouths when you rubbed up against him and–

No. He couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t. Urging his steadily inflating erection down, he glanced over to you, noticing you were still shivering. 

He sighed. God, why did he have to get hard right now, in gray sweatpants no less? Nothing screamed “boner alert” more than seeing a dick swelling in light colored sweats. But you were still cold, and he decided he would rather risk you seeing him hard than your teeth chattering or you getting sick. 

Seokjin removed his puffer, handing it to you. “Here, put this on,” he ordered, and you looked at him, a tremor rocking through your body as you tried to eke out a “thank you”.

You began to put the puffer over your peacoat, but Seokjin shook his head. “I think your peacoat is useless right now. Maybe you should take that off and just wear mine. And then, consider getting a new coat,” he teased. 

You hesitated. “Uh,” you said. Seokjin’s eyebrow raised, and he swiftly adjusted himself in his joggers while you looked down at your coat before sighing and unbuttoning it. 

Fuck. You still had on that same top from earlier, and Seokjin could now see that it wasn’t just a sexy, low cut top that showed your heavy and full breasts, but that it also had a large keyhole cutout through the back, which meant you didn’t wear a bra with it. He bit his lip as he took in your hard and prominent nipples. God, no wonder you were cold. You were practically naked. 

His cock twitched, and any attempts he had at concealing his erection were useless. He was now definitely going to be fully hard for the rest of the drive. 

You zipped yourself into Seokjin’s puffer and let out a satisfied sigh as you nuzzled into the warmth. Seokjin took the opportunity to snatch your peacoat from your lap and drape it over himself, praying that would help conceal some of the compass-pointing-north bullshit he was trying to stave off. 

Unfortunately, you snuggled into his coat was just making it worse. 

Clearing his throat, he started the car, and slowly began testing the surface of the parking lot. It was a little slick, but nothing too bad. If you stayed any longer, though, you would definitely be here overnight. 

With a silent, sad nod to the outlook point, Seokjin prepared himself to head back to reality, where your moment of connection would be replaced by workplace congeniality. 

About halfway down the mountain, the snow surely turned to a heavy rain, aggressively battering down on the windshield and making it nearly impossible to find the lines on the road. 

“I’m sorry, I think I should pull over,” he apologized and you agreed easily, your shoulders relaxing a bit as he pulled over to the side of the road. 

“Well, we never really got to finish talking about stuff anyway,” you offered generously. 

Seokjin smirked back. “Yeah, we didn’t. Look, what I wanted to say earlier was that with streaming, you shouldn’t have to compromise on what you want to be successful. If people leave your stream because they can’t hear you baby voice their requests so they can get off, then fuck them. They aren’t the community of people you want to watch your content, anyway. Those are the type of people who are never satisfied, who will just demand more from you. Sooner or later they’ll be less kind and be aggressive and threatening. And you don’t deserve that, Y/N.” 

He sucked in a breath. “You just need a chance to build confidence, that’s all. Assuming you even want to continue doing these streams. I know you said you don’t feel like you have much of a choice, but maybe I could help you out. Uh, I could give you a raise or something so you could quit! And with school, too, I’m sure we could figure out something! Maybe if it’s not too late you could go back and––”

You held up your hands, signaling for Seokjin to stop talking. 

“I’ve made up my mind! And I don’t think giving me a raise or trying to help me with school would be a great way of maintaining that boundary we are supposed to have, remember? Something tells me a boss isn’t supposed to offer his employee an undeserved pay raise for her personal issues.” You huff.

You were right. Seokjin chuckled. “Okay, fair. I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to throw everything away like I did.” 

You whipped your head over to him. “Listen, Seokjin. I appreciate that you care and don’t want things to happen to me. But I’m also not you. And you also didn’t throw everything away but that’s another topic completely, one I thought we discussed yesterday morning. Regardless, I’m getting a lot of mixed messages here and I need you to help me understand what exactly is happening right now. Are you my friend or my boss? Because right now it feels like you’re telling me what to do like you are in charge of me but hiding it behind the guise of friendship and that’s not how this works. So explain. Ideally before you drop me off and we don’t speak again until Monday.” 

Seokjin swallowed hard, an anxiousness beginning to swirl in your stomach. This whole conversation felt like it was going south really quick. He scrambled to steady himself and took a deep breath.

“You’re right,” he said, running a hand through his hair. He hadn’t styled it today, and the black strands were sticking to his forehead from the melted snow. “I’m sorry. You have every right to decide. And you’d said before that this was a temporary pause. And even if it wasn’t, that’s also your choice.”

“Again, yes, you’re right. But I also don’t see why you seem to care so much!” Your volume raised in annoyance and you crossed your arms over your chest in a puff. “You don’t get to decide I’m some soft little flower who can’t advocate for herself! Like yeah, I feel shitty about what I did but I’m just trying to figure out my boundaries, just like you said earlier! So yes, I have the right to decide if I want to go back to school or not! Thanks for pointing that out!”

If he hadn’t been getting chewed out right now by you, Seokjin would’ve thought you were the cutest thing he’d ever seen, your mouth settled into a sharp frown and your eyebrows knit together as you argued with him. 

Instead though, he felt like a jackass. He’d seriously overstepped in his attempts to protect you, and guilt washed through him as he realized he was placing himself into your shoes. Even if your situations were scarily similar, you still had the right to do what you wanted without his interference. Besides, his intention was to provide safety for you, not control. Maybe he’d underestimated you earlier and how you were utilizing your stream. Yes, you were uncomfortable, but it’s not like you were a child who was set to be taken advantage of, or that you’d make the same mistakes he would.  

“I-I care about you, Y/N. We’re friends. I know being your boss changed a lot, and while I sign your paycheck and have to give you orders, it’s not like that change in role made me care less. It’s not that easy.” 

You uncrossed your arms. “But,” you started, your tone softening, “you can’t both tell me what to do as my boss and tell me what to do as a friend. I’m not clocked in, Seokjin. And that’s why this is so fucking hard. Because my boss is the one who took me up a mountain after apologizing to me yesterday for his “gross misuse of power” when I’m the one who kissed you sitting on a fucking prep counter! And yeah, we were friends before you were my boss, and that means I learned to work with you and trust you as my coworker, and we shared interests so you can watch my streams and tell me about MapleStory. We have history and it’s not something we can deny. But you keep acting like I am not in control, like I am not an adult. 

“I would love it if we could stay on this mountain forever,” you added, taking the words Seokjin was thinking earlier and making them real, “because, maybe then we could just stay friends. I miss you as my friend! And I wouldn’t feel so…weird now trying to figure out which guy, Boss Seokjin or Friend Seokjin, is talking to me.” 

Seokjin was unsure what to say, just that he knew he’d fucked up yesterday not just with his behavior in the kitchen, but ultimately how he set boundaries with you. 

“I don’t know what to do about it, Y/N,” he said weakly, honestly. 

“Can I then offer a suggestion?” Your voice sounded frustrated, on the verge of yelling. He nodded. 

“On this mountain, right now. You are my friend. And any other time when we aren’t at work, we are friends. We are not the first two people who started a friendship and had a power dynamic at work. I don’t know what happened in your past that makes this so hard for you, and you don’t need to tell me. But whatever you said yesterday, it wasn’t true. I want you to trust me when I say you didn’t take advantage of me. Was it kind of stupid and inappropriate on both our parts? Sure. But I’m not this weak, breakable thing. You said so yourself with my boundary-setting for my stream that I just need confidence to assert myself and make sure I don’t get taken advantage of. So let me start with you. Help me start with you.” 

You leaned a little closer and Seokjin’s heart beat erratically. “I promise, Kim Seokjin, that whatever happened in the kitchen yesterday was consensual. At least on my end. And that I do hold you in regard as my boss during work hours most of the time. But I can’t fucking stand if you continue to uphold this standard when you talk to me as an authority and then immediately pull a hypocritical move and try to be my friend after. It’ll drive me crazy.”

Your voice was shaky now, like you were holding back tears. Seokjin fought the urge to pull you close to him, but god, how he wanted to. 

“What you do need,” he asked and you sighed. 

“Clear communication. On both sides. No more deciding for me. On anything. If I say no at work, it’s just as valid as saying no in private, even if it’s something you think is what’s best for me. Even if you don’t like it. Because you don’t know what really is or isn’t until I tell you.” He nodded in agreement. 

“I can do that. And I’m sorry again, for how confusing this must’ve been. I acted selfishly when I decided that my position as your boss overruled and negated any of our history. It was never going to be as clean as I wanted it to be,” he apologized. 

You managed a sad smile but nodded, a sign you accepted his apology. 

“Thank you. And also, I do want to continue doing the streams. I didn’t get to say that before. I do want to try after dark stuff. Because it feels like it could be fun, could help me stay involved but less personal if that makes sense. And…” You trailed off, humming to yourself as you tried to find the words for your final thought. 

“I really would like it if I could have your help in this. To help coach me in a way to maintain that boundary. You did have some really great points on execution. And I think maybe your experience in cam-leadership and management could help me both continue doing this but also finding what I want. And I need a friend for that. Not a boss or manager.” 

Seokjin’s eyes widened as he caught the last of what you were saying. 

“Wait,” he said, trying to put the pieces together. Were you asking what he thought you were asking? “So…you want me to help you run an adult-only, after dark gaming stream?” You laughed. 

“I need you to be my confidence coach,” you clarified. “Help me learn how to say no to my fanbase and keep myself calm throughout a stream so I don’t compromise. And like, I don’t know. We can iron out the details, the idea is so fresh to me, but I need you, my caring friend Seokjin, to make sure I don’t break the terms of service again and ban me from streaming.”

He blinked a few times, unsure how you’d arrived at the conclusion that he would be any good at this. 

But Seokjin knew he would be. He did this multiple times a week, and it’s how he knew you were heading toward trouble. What if he could help you learn how to protect yourself? Because you were right, you didn’t need anyone to save you. But you maybe needed someone to show you. And he could be that person. 

“Okay,” he said, “I’ll do it.”

As Seokjin pulls up to your apartment nearly an hour later, you feel a slight sadness that your night is over. On the way home, as the rain steadily poured and the city lights came back into a clear view, you’d felt a tug of worry in your gut that because you were back in the city, your agreement to stay friends wasn’t real, and that any moment Seokjin would be cold and formal, withdrawing his agreement to help you with streaming. 

You’d had the idea in the car in somewhat of an epiphany, sorting through the confusing dynamic you’d been shoved into. It made sense to you, now. Instead of trying to model yourself after the master, why not learn from the man himself? 

Despite your initial anxiety that he would back out, Seokjin if anything is all the more reassuring, gently nudging you with your peacoat in his hands to signal it is time to trade. You nod sleepily, shrugging it off your shoulders and trying to ignore the disappointment you have in no longer being enveloped in his warm scent. 

As you tuck your arms back through your sleeves, Seokjin gets out of his side of the car, the rain still beating harshly, but he appears even more determined to open your door for you, opening an umbrella to keep you and your coat from getting pounded on. 

You try to insist on sharing the umbrella, but Seokjin shakes his head, guiding you forward toward your apartment complex’s front door. 

“Thank you,” you say as you step under the lip of the roof with him, smiling up at Seokjin, who is already soaked. His black hair is piecey and dripping down his face, plastering a few disheveled pieces across his forehead. “God, you really should’ve used the umbrella too! You’re drenched!”

Seokjin laughs a hearty laugh, the squeaky, windshield wiper one that makes your chest burn. “Please, that coat you’re wearing is pathetic. I had said dress for the warmth and you picked one of the worst things you could find. Even a standard issue blazer has more weather resistance than that thing!” 

“Excuse you, but this coat most of the time is fine. And also, I thought you were just saying it as a formality! If I’d known we were heading into a literal mountain I would have changed my clothes!” You bicker back, your laughter filling the space between you two. 

“Yeah, well, now you know for next time,” he says, eyes flickering with something you almost categorize as lust. 

You beam. This time the idea of next time feels possible. If Seokjin and you can work on these weird work boundaries, there might be a hope something comes from this after all. Unless he’s gay, which you still can’t quite figure out, but you try not to think about that as he shakes his head like a big dog. 

“Okay, Sparky,” you joke and glance down at your phone. It’s very late now, and your body is quickly succumbing to the exhaustion of the day. “I’ll see you Monday?”

Seokjin’s shoulders sag, and he sighs, stepping back into the rain. “Yeah, I should probably let you go now. I’ll see you on Monday. And Y/N?”

His lips turn into a smug smirk as the rain soaks through his clothes. “Don’t forget that you promised me a crate of julienned carrots”.

©2024 by jooniperbonsai

[borom1r]

WAILING @theshakespearetrash sent me 2 ask memes for Boromir asks (who is very much Not my OC skfhshfjjs but I will Always do character analysis I love character analysis so much. rotating him so fast in my brain. microwaving him on high)

+ not to be a kinnie on main (voice of a man who is always a kinnie on main) but I will be answering these all w/ a sort of Boromir-lives scenario in mind -w-

anyways ask meme 1 + ask meme 2

1. What memory would your OC rather just forget?

ok I feel like it’s the cop-out answer to say “his fall to the ring” but I feel like Boromir is the sort of person to.. not like stew on things but very much takes the stance of “good or bad, all my choices got me to the current moment and made me who I am.” + I feel like there’s so much tangled up in his fall completely beyond his control where that’s the only memory that he’d like. actively want to erase from his mind

2. What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

HM. good with kids. I think unless you’d seen him with Faramir/his cousins when they were younger you wouldn’t guess (he’s a soldier and a very plain man when he’s not putting on a show for his father), but he’s just genuinely great with kids

3. What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

loves too much + quick to lose hope. painfully aware of this

4. When scared, does your OC fight, flee, freeze or fawn?

fight response. 100% the kind of man who gets kicked out of a haunted house for punching a scareactor even though he knew a scare was coming. Faramir and Aragorn have both almost gotten throttled bc they unintentionally snuck up on him

5. How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want?

OOO. When He Is Of Sound Mind, not actually very far. he was raised with the knowledge he would be giving his life to Gondor, whether he died in battle or sat on the throne as steward. add to that the act he puts on for Denethor, everything he does to protect Faramir— he’s a man born to serve. his own wants come last

6. How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

it would take. a DESPERATELY long time and an almost complete degradation of his mental state. Boromir arrives in Rivendell in October 3018, and the very next day is the Council, at which point he sees the ring and is IMMEDIATELY influenced by it. yet he doesn’t fully fall to it until the end of February 3019. he’d been fighting its pull for almost four whole months by the time he does anything malicious. resisting the One Ring for FOUR MONTHS. <- reasons why if I see someone call Boromir weak for falling to it I will see red.

7. What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

teehee obviously again Boromir is not my OC so I will take this as an excuse to Be A Kinnie + say, I do remember Boromir being returned to us sometime after my coronation. so that’s one way my memories differ from canon, which is sort of an answer to this prompt snfjsjfj

8. Would your OC ostensibly be able to get away with murder?

OH YEAH. I mean yeah if we’re talking like actual criminal murder and not just Slaying People On A Battlefield like. yeah 100% he would IF he was within Minas Tirith. you know Denethor would do everything in his power to cover that up lmfao

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

YEAH YAYYYY I GET TO MAKE MORE PPL LISTEN TO CROM AND BARONESS!!!!

anyways “have you ever seen a man so strong have you ever seen a man so great when he fights time stands still and everything seems so unreal but deep inside of him this man is torn” what if I bit things about this song

+ also listening to Magnolia and Shock Me by Baroness with Aragorn/Boromir in mind makes me ill. im Unwell.

10. What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

HMMMMM The Frankenstein Chronicles gave me brain worms so I might write a Frankenstein-inspired thing at some point. sth sth consequences of divine resurrection

11. What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it?

RAAAAGH. AUTISM TIMEEEEE.

Boromir uses a hand-and-a-half arming sword (meaning it’s balanced for single or double-handed use, with a crossguard). it’s a really elegant sword, very simple and utilitarian. speaks to an adaptable combat style as well. but, interestingly? Boromir carries a Rohirric shield, and if you notice Rohirric swords don’t actually HAVE crossguards the way Gondorian blades do. this tracks, and was common with Roman and early Germanic swords— BECAUSE these cultures were Also relying on shields for blocking.

and an additional note, Faramir’s sword is single-handed. so we’ve got a ranger who prefers the use of a bow and hasn’t experimented much with his sword combat, and his brother who prefers a sword and carries a very versatile blade with 1) a Rohirric shield and 2) a ranger’s vambraces designed to protect his arms from a (nonexistent) bowstring. I just find Boromir’s mix of protective gear so interesting, esp if you consider he and Théodred as at LEAST friends. like Boromir carries so much of the people he cares for with him into strange lands even when he (arguably) has little need for such gear

12. Is your OC self-destructive? In what ways?

yes and no. I think, not consciously? but he absolutely values himself lower than the people he cares for. he goes to Rivendell to keep Faramir out of danger, he takes multiple arrows to the chest and keeps fighting to defend Merry and Pippin. I think if there’s a risk of someone he loves getting hurt, all self-preservation goes out the window

13. If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

oh I would be staring at him like a predatory animal and trying to psychically convince him to lay on me in full armor

14. How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

HGH. ok I don’t think he necessarily. does?? and this is generally a Silly Little Headcanon bc of a comment a Most Beloved Friend made abt how everyone gets their autism from their dad (real+true) + now in my head “haha Faramir got his autism from Boromir instead” BUT. like genuinely I don’t think Boromir has an actual image of himself in his head or like processes that ppl perceive him, necessarily. and particularly when his father is holding him up as this aspirational figurehead for Gondor, like… I think he’s just himself, in his head. idk how to describe it well for the neurotypical ppl in the room snfskfjs sorry. like I don’t process myself as having Traits so ppl tell me they think I’m cool or funny or they enjoy being around me and it’s always like “!!! oh!” + I think Boromir is the same way. I think Faramir could describe Boromir to him + Boromir would just be like. “huh.”

15. Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who?

it’s Sean Bean + it will always be Sean Bean. sorry other Boromirs you simply pale in comparison

16. What is your OC's pain tolerance like?

VERY high by necessity. he’s a soldier he’s absolutely patched up his own injuries before, at least to hold over until he could see an actual healer

17. What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise?

ahh. I wrote a very personal fic exploring self harm urges w/ Boromir, so I suppose that

18. Is your OC more cold and detached or up close and personal?

very personable, when he’s of sound mind sndnsj

19. How does your OC behave when enraged?

oh he’s a silent anger type for sure. just seethes quietly. hello, consequences of spending time in an environment where you have no actual outlet for your anger + must simply sit there and Stew.

20. Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

again, When He’s Of Sound Mind, no. the man’s got a big heart and life’s too short to be petty

21. Does your OC have any illnesses or disorders? How do they handle it?

hitting him with the autism beam bc I can. I do also think he’s lost at least partial use of his arm in a Boromir Lives scenario, considering where the first arrow struck him

22. What character alignment would you consider your OC to be?

HMMM neutral good. he’s not chaotic enough to be.. chaotic (lol), and I think he’s too willing to go against Gondorian Popular Opinion to be lawful.

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

HMMMMM pain, actually. or “weakness.” I think if he can quantify it in his head as “showing weakness” then it’s getting stuffed in a mental box and Not Addressed

24. What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

ok well. None. I think with his circumstances he had zero choice in his path. HOWEVER. I am deeply DEEPLY fond of Boromir learning how to play an instrument after the war ends. I STILL struggle to blow my wassail horn that shit takes SKILL that I do not currently have and Boromir was the BEST at blowing his horn?????? I think he deserves to learn how to play an instrument, esp bc Aragorn, Merry and Pippin would ALL be delighted to have Boromir play while they sing. Boromir learning hobbit folk songs????? Rohirric songs, to honor Théodred?? yeagh.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

HES SO. FUNDAMENTALLY LOVING. love is such a core aspect of his character he is so wholly loving that the ring has NO CHOICE but to try to twist that love. bc it’s all Boromir has. love. im going to throw up abt him.

AAAAAAAAAND:

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

has he ever BEEN completely alone? mm, no. has he ever felt that isolated? I think absolutely, by the time the fellowship leaves Caras Galadhon. obviously he doesn’t deal with it well el oh el.

as for how he acts when no one’s around to see him… I don’t think much changes, tbh. he’s not the kind of man to Perform for anyone except his father, and then with the express purpose of placating the man and keeping his ire towards Faramir to a minimum

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

been betrayed? hm. truthfully, no, though I’m certain he felt betrayed by Aragorn’s reluctance to be anything resembling a king.

has He betrayed someone? Technically Yes, though again, if we apply the qualifier of “When He’s Of Sound Mind” the answer is no. his betrayal comes under the influence of a Malicious Magical Artifact Which Has Been Fucking With His Mind For Months, so.

bound: Has your OC ever been imprisoned or captured? What happened? How did they get out? Did the experience leave any scars?

ooo, hm. I think not, actually, though it is a fun little idea for angst

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

gestures wildly at canon. I mean that’s his lowest. we’ve all seen it.

desire: What's one thing your OC wants more than anything in the world? Are they open with that desire? Why or why not? What would they do to fulfill it?

again, canon— to see his people safe. he’s very open with that desire, lol

failure: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

AH. canon again. though what he does to move past it… mm. quite a lot of atonement, I think. perhaps of the self-destructive, working-himself-too-hard variety. I do think speaking with Faramir about *his* experience with the ring would help, because Boromir is the first to hold Faramir up as this sort of paragon of Goodness. so I think to know *Faramir* was tempted would help him better ground his experiences as, like…. Not A Deep Moral Failure Exclusive To Himself

fear: What is your OC's greatest fear? What do they do when confronted with it? Are they open with their fear, or do they hide it away?

ehehe. this is one thing I’ve touched on in a Faramir-centric fic, but the idea that the ring showed Boromir visions of Faramir dying at Denethor’s hand should he fail to return with the ring.

had Boromir lived to discover Denethor had nearly burned Faramir alive…… Mmmm. mmmmmmmm.

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

worst possible? if he’d actually managed to claim the ring. I shan’t elaborate -_-

ghost: Who or what haunts your OC? What happened? How do they live with their ghosts?

MM. his own actions. dead friends, dead loved ones. though if you mean literally, haunts him, I do like to think that Théodred’s Oðr pays Boromir a visit every now and again

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

see above. handles it?? mm. atonement, again. direct action. he accepts it and does what he can to make it right

hate: What does your OC hate? Why? How do they act towards the object of their hatred?

HATE? Orcs, probably. Sauron. that tentacle motherfucker outside Moria. he’s not a hateful man, so. shrugs.

heartbreak: Have they ever had a relationship that ended badly? Experienced some other kind of heartbreak? What happened?

that ended badly in the interpersonal sense? mm, unlikely. more ended badly in the “somebody fucking died” sense.

I do think he had One (1) fledgling romance in Dol Amroth that ended with the other squire dying and that was sort of the catalyst for “ah. If I love people they’ll Probably Die, so maybe I won’t do that” baggage that he didn’t really unpack until, I think, Théodred. add the additional layers of Denethor Being Denethor and Boromir having such great standards to live up to…. with all the love in my heart, that relationship only happened bc Théodred saw Boromir, went “I need to fuck that Gondorian so bad it makes me look stupid” and proceeded to work his way through 1700 layers of gondorian mental bullshit just so he could suck some dick (me too bestie)

hide: What does your OC hide? Why do they hide it?

hm. my first instinct is to say “not much” but ultimately I think he’d hide anything he can quantify as “weakness.” his own distress, any physical pain if he needs to be up and moving, etc. he’s only able to share that earnest moment with Aragorn in Caras Galadhon bc of Galadriel’s influence. he’s not used to being seen. so, if there is sth that would hold him back from fulfilling his duty as a soldier it is absolutely getting hidden/ignored.

hunt: Who or what is your OC hunted by? A person, a feeling, a past mistake? Is your OC able to let their guard down, or are they constantly alert?

hm. not necessarily Hunted, but I do think he is followed by Denethor’s expectations. it’s sth I’ve talked abt in another ask + that I go into in the costuming doc but such a key element of Denethor’s design is his son’s motifs but Richer, Grander. so… I do think Boromir is constantly alert of, like, how his father will perceive him, bc there is this very insidious sort of competition, this need for Denethor to show his sons up (whether a conscious need or not). and I do think that would weigh on Boromir quite heavily

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

mm again I think he only really wears a mask/performs for Denethor. anyone else would be too much effort for too little reward. at least if he plays Golden Son for his father, it keeps Faramir from being harassed as much

however, as for who gets to see him when he’s.. not just unmasked but actually RELAXED… Faramir, his uncle and cousins, Théodred, Aragorn, the others in the fellowship but particularly Merry and Pippin

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

does he have nightmares? oh definitely. what he does in the small hours of the night? depends. if he’s on campaign/traveling/otherwise away from Minas Tirith he will either lay there in his bedroll and Think (bad) or get up and write letters. depends entirely on where he’s stationed/who he’s with. if he Is at home in Minas Tirith, I expect he just goes for a walk + looks at the sky

mistake: What's the worst mistake your OC ever made? What led to them making it? Have they been able to fix it? How have they moved on?

I think I’ve pretty much answered all of this above, so skfjsjdh

monster: Is your OC monstrous in any way? Is there something that makes them monstrous? Are they aware of their own monstrosity? Do they accept it or reject it?

nah, he’s not ❤️‍🩹

nightmare: What does your OC have nightmares about? How do they deal with their nightmares? Do they tell people, or keep it to themself?

answered w midnight for the most part— I’ll just add that no, he wouldn’t really talk about his nightmares. that requires showing vulnerability lol. I think Théodred and Aragorn are the only two who could coax him into speaking about his nightmares/fears (he wouldn’t want to burden Faramir with such nonsense)

pain: What's the worst pain your OC has ever felt? Do they have a high pain tolerance?

answered sorta (yes he has a high pain tolerance) but worst pain? gonna go with three orc arrows to the chest

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

HMMMM again I don’t think there are many secrets. I do think if Denethor found out he liked men it would be disastrous

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

hm. I think he’s generally at ease with himself, or at least content with Not Thinking About These Things. I think, had he directly survived the arrows, he would have to grapple with like. the idea that he did prove Aragorn’s fears about men correct (whether Aragorn would agree with him or not)

torture: Has your OC ever been tortured? Would your OC ever torture someone else?

Four Months Of Slow Mental Degradation Due To An Accursed Magical Artifact!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

(no he wouldn’t torture anyone else)

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

hm. He would say mostly physical wounds. I’d argue a mix of both. he’ll accept as much care as he needs to stay on his feet and fighting. worst wound is definitely still arrows lol