#also he may be childlike but mans is not as naive as people think he is

[7official7moose7]

OUGH THE POOR GUY

LIARS.

“I AM STRONGER THAN YOU GIVE ME CREDIT FOR.”

you do not know how much i think about how almost none of the main characters we meet who interact with him tell the full truth to papyrus. OUAGH. i think it hurts a little more when coming from his own brother.

[mikuni14]

Takara no Vidro - Ep 3

I have this problem with Takara no Vidro since the beginning. It has a lot of elements that I like in BL series and I enjoy watching it… if it weren't for one thing that appears from time to time: Something that always turns me off from romances of this type: the huge mental gap between the lovers. This is something I have always hated in straight romances as well, i.e. when the dude is a mature and experienced grown man, and the woman, although technically an adult, is super innocent and naive, inexperienced, immature, and sometimes even mentally a child. This is something widely considered romantic, while I - a huge fan of equality in relationships - simply cannot stand it. Unfortunately, from time to time this trope also appears in BL series, for this reason, for example, I could not finish Love Tractor, which pushed this trope to the maximum.

Don't get me wrong, I really like lovely, kind characters who maintain a childlike, innocent and trusting, view of the world, even when it makes them gullible and overly trusting. Such people naturally arouse caring and protective instincts in others (and in me) and such people, KIND, LOVELY PEOPLE, contrary to the mainstream, are attractive. Such people may be helpless, clueless, panicked, looking for help, trying to educate themselves - also in love and sex, unable to recognize signals that someone may like them, and even "slow" in recognizing their own feelings. There were such characters in BL series and I loved many of them. But what I have great difficulty accepting are characters like that guy from Love Tractor, or Taishin, who KNOW NOTHING. They are adults surprised by the existence of sex, sexuality, homosexuality, love for another person, and the reactions of their own bodies. They behave as if they grew up in woods with wolves, because there is no excuse for being this stupid in 2024 and not knowing basic things! And there really is no excuse, because, for example, I can't and have never piloted a plane, but I know that there is such a thing as a plane 😆 So the character doesn't have to date, have straight or gay sex to know that love and sex exist!! And here is Taishi, a young man at university, with access to education and media, accepting the fact of existence people who like people of the same sex with a gaping mouth !! And it seems he explains his growing attraction to Takara as being his fanboy!!! I'm sorry, but there are limits to being clueless, beyond which someone becomes a child, which is just... wrong.

I still give this show a chance because apart from those few moments it's nice and enjoyable, but I admit that when those moments come along, everything within me clenches.

There are many characters in BL series who are naive, clueless, often blind to the people and world around them, sometimes living in an idealized bubble of what love looks like (sweet dates with sweet girls) without that cringy childishness, like from the top of my head: Kakeru from I Cannot Reach You , Phumjai from Love in Translation, Lee Jun from Jun&Jun, Im HanTae from Sing My Crush, Chu Sang Woo from Semantic Error, or a perfect example: Ida from Kieta Hatsukoi. All these people were shocked when they discovered their feelings, they panicked, they acted stupid and made mistakes - but I never once had the impression that they were children in what they were doing. It really is possible to create an innocent/ clueless/ inexperienced/ uninterested in love and sex person who at the same time doesn't think and acts like a child. (of course, none of my above accusations have anything to do with the stalker situation, which is happening beyond Taishi's control and could happen to anyone, even the most cautious and experienced person. People who interpret basic politeness as an invitation are everywhere, as every woman can confirm).

Gosh, I really hope this series doesn't go the way of Love Tractor, because I would really like to finish it 😩

[msfbgraves]

What the other anon said about the wedding night in Mobverse…I agree. I also wanna say that Daniel almost comes off as TOO young to be married. He may have been with Kumiko before, may not be a virgin in one way at least..may be a Mob Omega, but he’s still so very sheltered and naive. Clueless almost. And yes, very sweet. He really is a beautiful child sold to a calculating, grown man. If I hadn’t known he was 18, I would have thought he was younger. He comes off as being spoiled totally sweet. An absolute, head-turning doll. 

From what we’ve seen of their wedding night, I feel so sorry for Daniel. In the other wedding day snippets, he fluctuates wildly between apprehensive, to exited, to hopeful, to defiant, to shy, to nervous, to sad, to betrayed, to terrified. Poor baby. Having to dress up and flaunt himself like a spoil of war to this warlord who fell head over heels for him in an instant and had to have him for life. That’s a lot of emotional strain. 

And then the night itself when they’re all alone. Daniel, despite wearing that sexy little number, is super reluctant and frightened. He’s just not ready for what a wedding night entails. He cries in Terry’s arms and thinks of his Father betraying him like this and that breaks my heart. He is a child who wants his parents. It’s like his confidence and defiance was blown out like a candle. He absolutely doesn’t want to have this man, this ‘husband’ of his touch him and make love to him because where is the love? At least from Daniel’s side. Terry was whipped, always. 

Since that first chapter ends before anything happens, I wonder how Terry managed to have his way with the boy, because we all know that marriage was consummated that very night. I’m left wondering if Terry was kind to him, or could have been kinder. After all, we see him commit martial rape and cheat on Daniel later on. Disgusting and evil btw. Anyway, what’s stopping him from forcing himself on him now? The chance that he could have a good marriage despite the set up? That he loves this beautiful boy? That he wants to be good to him?

I know I need to write the wedding night properly one day but since I'm both a bit busy and still writing my way through the reconcilliation of that attack I can't really illustrate my answer to this, Nonnie. But let me say, they're in completely different places these two nights. What's stopping Terry now? The fact that he's not stupid about emotions. Not in canon either. But when he lets his control slip, because he gets too emotional, you go from calculating!Terry to CoveredinPaintandRanting!Terry. At the wedding, and the lead up, Terry is in it for the long haul. He'll win the boy over. Terry already knows that when Daniel forgets to be angry about everything, physically, the omega is quite drawn to him. And he is young, a young teenage boy to be precise, and that means he's probably horny as all fuck in spite of himself. Terry is not above manipulating that.

And yes, sure he could force him, but weakened or no, the LaRussos could still retaliate. If - apart from the fact that he actually enjoys spoiling and treating people, being nice and everything that comes with it - he openly mistreated such a beautiful omega, that spells danger not only from the Italians but from his own people as well. Alphas have a very strong protective response towards omegas, whoever they are. And omegas, however much Terry brags about being immune to that, have a very softening effect, especially on Alphas. (Also, I think that an omega, and especially Daniel, becomes more childlike when they're intimidated. He doesn't act that young with Nessa or Louie or some of his cousins.)

The deepest reason is Terry is absolutely starved for intimacy and vulnerability with someone. He will force what he wants but what he actually needs is someone to be soft and open with and if he doesn't even try to be gentle with this darling boy, he'll scare him off, possibly forever. So here, he doesn't want to.

But after the fight with Michael, disappointed and frustrated and humiliated and angry?

... he does.

And that's human. I think even the Dalai Lama may have had those moments. But normally for Terry, acting on that desire doesn't only feel good, it makes people fear him, and that's alright with your lackeys, but horrifying with your spouse. Problem is - Terry is always surrounded by lackeys.

And yes, poor Daniel, it worked out well, but in those first few moments alone with a strange Alpha, there's no dressing up that he was a human sacrifice. And that alone may have placated the meanier side of Terry. Because right then, indeed where is the love? Still, and that is why Daniel LaRusso is someone to be feared for his awesome power - he found it. He made it.

But love and care can feel so soft and quiet, can't they? So easy to take for granted, so devastating when lost.

[ooglywooglies]

reading the bunny man everyone knows dysphoria posts bc like,

i sort of resent him sometimes not bc anything hes doing himself, yknow like i have nothing against gnc guys im a little gnc myself every once in awhile. i just have sort of a weird resentment of they way he seems so ubiquitous in the circles i find myself in (the pro fat, anti racist, transfeminist, non transmed) and part of me feels like its because of how he presents himself. yknow everybody i follow is either bi or a lesbian and hes a beautiful feminine boob boy.

and i sort of struggle with like, the concept of appeal, esp irt my race. i sort of realized as i was reading his posts that yknow bc hes black hes dealt with a hypermasculinization problem his whole life so being gnc, being feminine presenting, is a statement for him in a way that it wouldnt be for me. though i can imagine black trans men who feel like femininity is a lot more dysphoric may feel similarly to the double edged sword im about to describe.

im asian and we are on the opposite end of the spectrum were hyperfeminized/emasculated, obviously asian women are like probably the pinnacle of female sexual fetishization for this reason, being seen as small bodied, childlike, naive/innocent, docile, submissive, and obedient they sort of sit at the farthest end of the spectrum of gendered appeal as long as they actually meet those stereotypical requirements

asian men experience it too though, when youre gay its similar to being a woman (though probably not quite as bad, men still get the benefit of not being women), youre submissive, youre small, youre a bottom, youre obedient, because youre certainly not masculine so you may as well play the part of a woman. if youre straight youre really not worth anything, how could you please a woman, youre small, youre soft, youre weak, youre docile. i think asian men can be elevated out of this, particularly IN asia not so much out of it, through toxic masculinity.

ive struggled with being fetishized for my race my entire life i cant really quantify how much being mixed contributes to it but i know for a fact that it does, ive had people tell me tons of times that im some kind of perfect specimen, that half white and half asian is the best mix (though people tended to be a little let down when they found out im not japanese - also just to be pedantic im not actually half) but anyway, that along with like regular internalized misogyny, ideas of valuing your appearance AS your personhood are quite difficult to escape from i think thats really true for anyone its hard to accept yourself when you feel like youre not the idealized version of yourself that other people find attractive/valuable.

this is why is part of the reason i dropped my typical tomboy presentation as a young adult and sought femininity on purpose for once

because, well, besides the lie i tell that "i just wanted to try it for a bit, to make sure it wasnt what i wanted" it was more a matter of being obsessed with the attention presenting this way got me. its hard not to put yourself on a pedestal when people are always saying things to you like "youre literally my ideal girl" "youre like an anime character in real life" "how are you a real person"

even now, its a humble brag, i post my old pictures so that you too can look at me and think "wow how pretty, how lovely you used to be" because im still tormented by the feeling, that this is all i was ever really worth, even as i said in the moment when i was 22 "none of this is real, the girl disappears as soon as the picture is taken, ill never be her and she will never be me"

and like you can see how it was never just a matter of me being hot right, theres a depersonalization to this that goes deeper than just the fact that im transgender. and i always knew about that part, i was never comfortable with people coming up to me and thinking theyd found some kind of manic pixie anime dream girl, i never gave anyone who did an inch. it got to me even if i separated myself from it mentally enough to find it funny. i know that these people dont see me as a person, i know theyre just creepy pathetic fetishizing racist weeaboos, so i can laugh, i can do this as a form of mockery. you will never get what i have.

but it weighs on you, the sickness was getting to me, i may never fully recover from entertaining all of it, part of it is my fault. i couldnt do it anymore i had to get rid of all of it, burn it all down and just go back to normal, this was never me. but obviously i cant, obviously im haunted by the spectre of femininity, of fetishization, theyre intertwined and cant be untangled. and now i dont have it anymore, the ghost taunts the fact that i am worthless without any of it.

not worthless, no i still have a pussy and big pillowy breasts, i can still be used if it really comes down to it. im just not the pinnacle anymore, ive been slightly used and ruined and i dont know what ive been tainted by, is it the testosterone or the femininity? what will i be when those things are gone? i cant deny all of femininity forever because thatll just be toxic masculinity, what am i going to do become one of those asian guys who gets really into guns or cars? no, and i dont need to because im gay, ill never be able to achieve perfect masculinity because no one can. but does it matter if thats not what i seek?

is masculinity the real equivalent of anti femininity? is anti femininity always a bad thing?

i didnt write any of this because i know the answer tbh, its not so much an essay as a rambling rant. i sort of hate to see salem prancing around displaying his art of his character that looks like him, because he also looks like me, he talks about how embracing femininity feels so freeing for him. that hes felt like not looking like the other trans boys has made him feel lonely and undervalued but realizing he doesnt have to and he can be a man who is also feminine has is fat and has big boobs can make him euphoric. i dislike that. i dislike that he doesnt seem to be haunted by the spectre of femininity the same way i am, that he gets the benefit of being desired and presenting how he wants at the same time.

i know that hes in the minority, that the majority of trans men are not GNC and actually prefer to take the toxic masculinity route to their presentation because they experience dysphoria in a similar way i do. why dont i want to take that route? do i want to be GNC, do i want to be happy and free and feminine like salem? no, i definitely dont or id still be doing it, i enjoy masculinity i just dont like asserting my masculinity. there a piece missing though and i cant figure out exactly what it is, maybe because im hungry and im quickly losing my ability to cognition.

well if ive said anything embarrassing or regretful i wont know til later bc ive lost my ability to read for a bit. oh well probably no one will read this, i do yearn for attention but its probably for the best anyway.

[crowmero]

1. What was your first impression of the game? Is this the first Cybird game you've ever played?

My first impression is that I was not sure about playing this game because vampires are overrated in otome games and I already was more into another vampire otome game (Blood in Roses). I also remember some people was making light fun of the game because of the "we are dating fictional versions of real western historical figures".

When I downloaded the game and played the prologue, I didn't have a good impression of the game because I didn't like the MC's personality and because I was already playing IkeSen I though, I didn't want to play another Isekai of a MC traveling through time haha.

I think I started playing Midnight Cinderella around December 2018 and I started playing Ikemen Sengoku in May 2019 because I jumped to play Sasuke, so is not my first Cybird game.

2. Who was the character you liked most in the beginning, and is he still your fave?

Sebastian because I like his type of character, he is very smart, calm and composed and has gray hair, and he clearly was the human-best friend-NPC who helps MC during the story. I think he was an odd character and I picked him because I have a fixation with characters like that.

He is now in my growing pool of favorites.

3. How you picked your first route, and whose route was it? Was your favorite suitor available when you first started playing?

After making my Ikevamp account and playing the prologue/completing the mission board... I uninstalled the game haha, but because the phone I used to have didn't have enough storage (I wrote that in my ikevamp profile).

I picked Sebastian for my first route, I really waited for him all this years for the moment his route was out.

4. An unavailable route you're looking forward to:

Probably Drake and Galileo just out of curiosity (funny that both have white hair, I like white hair in guys).

5. A character you thought would be different than how he is:

Sebastian was full of surprises, he is actually not so kind haha, It was not fun to get flickered in the forehead and when he called us "uneducated" oh my god. The man was sure a mystery because he don't like opening to anyone, we learned his true name and about his life before time traveling. Also didn't expect that he got such a depressing back story and his current situation was very sad too.

I didn't expect Jean to be like a lost child. He clearly experienced the horrors of the war, but some part of him is very naive and pure-childlike, l didn't expect him to be like this. Didn't expect he was terrible at cooking or that he has a tiger pet (like Masamune... is always the guy with the eye patch).

6. Is there a suitor who you used to dislike, but eventually changed your opinion about?

I disliked Charles, but my opinion didn't changed, only got worse!.

Arthur used to make me a bit uncomfortable/nervous because... he looks like Armin from My Candy Love, both are very look alike in appearance and personality (makes me want to scream "Armin! what are you doing here? and why you're cosplaying as Arthur Conan Doyle?") but after playing some events with him, I can see that he really is as sassy as Armin but he has good feelings too and I like him a lot.

7. Do you remember your first story event?

Dearly Departed AU Story Event. This event was so funny on crack. MC was dead but she can't rest in peace so the guy in turn has to help her to reach heaven and at the end of every story she somehow has sex with the guy (I'm up for ghost sex, this shit is so gothic).

8. Have you ever spent money on the game? Have you tried the free diamonds offers?

Yes, I spent money. Only hurts when you spent money and you don't get what your want from the ranking. I also got some diamonds for making offers but is very tricky, I always have to fill a ticket to get my rewards.

9. Do you have a favorite avatar item? Is it a plushie or maybe a unique hairstyle?

I think I really like the wedding set I got in a event with a view to the sea and the vintage cafe set I got too because I loved the aesthetic.

10. Have you ever bought merch of your favorite ikevamp character?

No and it makes me sad. I have a damaged badge of Arthur that I want to repair and give to someone who could love him? and I also have one of Dazai that on a second thought, he looks really handsome there and after playing a bit, I got a better opinion of him so don't feel like letting him go.

11. Have you ever mistakingly spent your stamina not in the story event?

Yes, like three or four times, I was probably not paying attention of what I was doing.

12. What's the luckiest you've ever been when it comes to the gacha? What about your most unlucky memory?

My most lucky and unlucky memory is when I spent my tokens thinking it was Faust's rate up day... but instead I got a ton of Napoleon cards because... it was his rate up day. I got good cards, but not Faust.

13. The slowest you've ever completed a route vs the quickest:

Slowest: Napoleon haha, I started playing him one day before Sebastian's route launched and dropped him, and here I'm a year and a half later playing him. Second slowest was Sebastian because I dropped the game in May after chapter 10-11 because I was not feeling him and came back in November to finish.

Quickest: Faust, the reason why I got sucked into this game, I played his two endings back to back.

14. Do you use your 5 free chapter tickets daily?

When I'm actively playing yes!

15. A moment in a route that made you cry and a moment in a route that made you laugh:

Theo has hurt me the most in this game, I was sobbing while reading chapter 20. I was really affected by what happens in chapter 19, I had to step down from the game a bit. There is something really heartbreaking in a character that is so soft and yet he does the unthinkable.

Ironically, he is the character that has make me laugh the most, he is so much fun. For example, there is this part in chapter 22 I think where he hits the floor in anger and I never went from misery to laughing so fast (hitting things feels like such a bad boy toxic trait lol).

16. Who is your favorite pureblood vampire?

I think Leonardo without knowing much about him. I know I want to play his route because I like the premise. I like that he has this "Bad Boy" vibe but he also looks like a very chill character and he looks like so much fun.

17. Do you have a favorite CG? What about a favorite card?

Favorite CGs

Favorite cards

18. Any famous historical figures you wished were in ikevamp?

I think we need female routes! (they already did Jeanne D'Arc dirty erasing that she is a woman) even if I know doing that means this wouldn't be a otome game anymore.

I can only think in famous people like the Brontë sisters, Jane Austen, Mary Wollstonecraft, Simone de Beauvoir, Mileva Maric, Marie Curie, Olympe de Gouges and Amelia Earhart.

I would like too Percy Shelley and John Keats. I don't feel thrilled with the men because the more I read about History, the more I know all the men are trash.

19. What card is currently on your home screen in the game?

I really like this cards because they come with a special melody 🎶

20. What do you think about the suitors' pets? Which one is your favorite?

I love the pets! and I think they always do us dirty when we only get only crumbs from interacting with the pets in the story since they never have a relevant role. This happens in all the Ikemen games and I think the pets deserve better!

I can't really pick a favorite, all the pets make me happy!

𝟒 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐈𝐤𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐦𝐩 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞!

Ikevamp EN launched on the 1st of July 2019 - maybe you were there since day one, or maybe you've only started playing recently: here's a little game to celebrate! You simply answer the questions and (optionally) tag the people whose answers you'd love to see next! Happy 4th anniversary to all ikevamp EN players! 🎉🎉🎉

*~if you feel like sharing, you can find the days in the mansion counter in your profile in the game and add it to your questions ~* Also, while reading other people's answers, mind that there might be spoilers!

What was your first impression of the game? Is this the first Cybird game you've ever played?

Who was the character you liked most in the beginning, and is he still your fave?

How you picked your first route, and whose route was it? Was your favorite suitor available when you first started playing?

An unavailable route you're looking forward to:

A character you thought would be different than how he is:

Is there a suitor who you used to dislike, but eventually changed your opinion about?

Do you remember your first story event?

Have you ever spent money on the game? Have you tried the free diamonds offers?

Do you have a favorite avatar item? Is it a plushie or maybe a unique hairstyle?

Have you ever bought merch of your favorite ikevamp character?

Have you ever mistakingly spent your stamina not in the story event?

What's the luckiest you've ever been when it comes to the gacha? What about your most unlucky memory?

The slowest you've ever completed a route vs the quickest:

Do you use your 5 free chapter tickets daily?

A moment in a route that made you cry and a moment in a route that made you laugh:

Who is your favorite pureblood vampire?

Do you have a favorite CG? What about a favorite card?

Any famous historical figures you wished were in ikevamp?

What card is currently on your home screen in the game?

What do you think about the suitors' pets? Which one is your favorite?

Have fun answering! 💕

[feyre-darling92]

Match up for Critical Role (Campaign 1 & 2) pls? I'm a straight female. I'm shy, timid, quiet & polite to strangers. With people I'm comfortable with, I'm loud, outgoing, playful, mature, responsible, motherly(to naughty friends), childlike(to mature friends/family) and sarcastic (unintentionally). I'm kinda tomboyish as I wear over-sized t-shirts, baggy pants, sneakers but don't play sports or video games. I'm kinda perverted which contrasts my innocent & baby face. I keep it to myself though. I'm a slow learner, not smart, not strong, and not talented. I'm pretty dense, straightforward and naive too. I get confused or misunderstand what people easily so it's best if you tell me straight to my face so I can't be mistaken. I'm also touch starved as I love giving & receiving affection but I only can hug one person and even then, I do my best to not overdo it. I'm a hopeless romantic, sensitive, & overthink often. I work as hard as I can & try my best & be careful as I can to everything I do, as I'm pretty clumsy & makes mistakes more often than most people. I try to help my family and friends as they've helped me & cared for me dearly. I don't believe in compliments I get occasionally or why my family & friends care for me because I don't see good things in myself only bad things. My hobbies are drawing, reading manga, fanfics, and watching anime, movies, & cartoons. Please & thank you!

So, first of all, you seem a very interesting person.

Now from campaign 1, I can see you and Vax'ildan being together.

*Let's be honest, Vax'ildan is a big child himself. So, when you are together, you let yourselves free to have fun. Pillow fights, pranks, etc.

*He would lend you his shirts and whatever you wanted with a big smile on his face. He just loves seeing you in his clothes. You also love it because most of the time they smell like him.

*If you wanted he would teach you how to throw knives like him and because he is very patient he would be willing to teach you again and again until you finally managed to do it right. And when you got it he would congratulate you with kisses and hugs.

*He is a man that has learned to say what he thinks straightforwardly no matter how hard it is so you have a relationship based on honesty which I think is really important.

*He loves your hugs. Literally. It's like they're filling him with energy. And he loves hugging you back. Especially on lazy mornings he just won't let you go. But if you tell him you're not comfortable he would totally respect that.

*When you overthink he is always there for you. He, every time, no matter what will start telling you your best qualities, why he loves you, and other sweet things to prove to you how important you are not only in his life but in your friends' lives as well. And if you want a shoulder to cry, he will always be there.

*If you trip somewhere he will always catch you and make cheesy comments like "Did you just fall for me?"

*Although you may not believe it, you are an important part of everyone's lives. A sister to Vex, a best friend to Keyleth, a great warrior and friend to Grog, a little sister to Percy, a faithful friend to Pike, and a reliable friend to Scanlan. They all love you and you love them back.

*When Vax'ildan heard that you drew for the first time he was stunned. He always admires people that create art with their own hands. And if you drew him, or gave him a drawing you made for him? Gods, he would love it. Literally, he would carry this piece of paper on him all the time. And if for any reason you were separated he would look at your drawing thinking about you.

*I am just imagining Vax reading fanfiction and I can't stop laughing! Alright, he may not read fanfic but he would totally be willing to see your favorite movie or cartoon or anime. He would see it as an opportunity to get to know you better, as well as it would be a great bonding time. He just adores the brightness and happiness in your face when you explain to him something about that movie/cartoon/anime.

*He just loves you so much, and of course, you love him back!

A/N: I hoped you liked it. I am sorry that I didn't write for campaign 2, I will write I promise just not now. I hope you understand. Anyway, stay safe and thank you for your request!

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

like the level of neurodivergent traits Cam has like

- speaks in a monotone voice

- has a particularly dead eyed piercing stare to overcompensate

- feels sad about seeing Revok in the psychiatric ward on screen and the doctor is confused but says he has 'a soft heart'

- has no sense of self or personality and had no chance to develop one; is generally guided by the external actions of others

- is part of a group of people described as having special skills of perception and the ability to read others

- black-and-white thinking, such as with trust and his own version of morals

- familiarity; he finds it weird being in a hotel room and wants to be back in the warehouse with that bed and the doctor where he felt 'safe' and also wonders at one point if the doctor could let them lie down in that bed for a bit

- emotionally and socially underdeveloped state of mind; frequently asks questions, appears naive, doesn't understand broad concepts like when the doctor refers to Revok as 'evil'

- doesn't fully understand social cues and cannot fully 'mask' even with other Scanners with one referring to him as 'barely even human'

- has never been able to mask and has been left homeless and on the fringes of society; he cannot control himself and is generally considered a freak and 'disgusting' by the people around him

- is not able to develop or hold a relationship because of this inability to socialise as expected

- possible trait could involve a childlike or young look about them which Cam frequently appears to have in his expressions; the novelisation also describes him as smiling 'boyishly' or 'like a boy'

- has imposter syndrome going into an art gallery where he has to obtain information even when he's all dressed up and 'masking' his behaviour and doesn't understand how the higher class people seem to just abide by certain social rules and don't really notice how the art looks; it's definitely clear he feels like he's having to really pretend to be taken seriously all the goddamn time

- scanners are always prone to constantly hearing the thoughts of others which results in what is the equivalent of sensory overload that can result in a meltdown; Cam literally has one of these through force at the beginning by the MEDICAL DOCTOR no less (unsurprising, sadly, though)

- prone to addiction as well; he takes a drug to shut the thoughts out but may have developed into a dependency on it

- has a skewed sense of morals; he scans mainly out of necessity and even if he deliberately hurts someone with it like almost driving a yoga teacher into cardiac arrest or extracting information from a man at the art gallery or a doctor at the clinic where he appears to very much enjoy it and have few qualms about doing so (there is a whole section in the novelisation especially with the yoga teacher of how thrilling it is and that having this control gives him a rush) but it is framed more out of curiosity than anything else. a skewed, detached, hurtful curiosity, but curiosity in his eyes nonetheless

- profoundly bored and follows what the doctor says pretty much to a T because of his immediate trust of the man even though he's being emotionally manipulated in the process

[astrowithkaro]

Language of birthdays for those born on April 2 please? Thank you ❤

Language Of Birthdays: April 2 - Aries

[You can find the rest of the series here; or check out my masterlist]

The Day Of The Idealist

Those born on April 2 are extremely idealistic in their approach to life. Largely because of this characteristic, they may have problems getting to where they want to go in their careers. The sometimes naive view of the world embraced by their childlike natures does not always complement a hard-driving urge to succeed. Only after finding their purpose in life and accepting the limitations of their capabilities, perhaps even reconciling themselves to a lower station, are they able to utilize their considerable energy to the fullest. Until they reach this point, however, they may well flounder.

People born on April 2 are usually family-oriented, particularly men. For such an April 2 man, his home is his castle, his family his court. This can create problems from time to time, particularly if one of his children does not feel comfortable in the role of a subject.April 2 people are forever talking about their ideals, their dreams, their visions. It often takes tremendous patience on the part of those around them to handle their idealism, particularly colleagues who are much more pragmatic and regard such thinking as being of the fairy- tale variety. Because April 2 people can exist mentally in another world, their honesty and single-mindedness often cause others to misunderstand them and their motives. Due to their purity of vision, those born on this day often find it difficult to compromise and regard a lack of understanding or agreement from a fellow worker as a betrayal.

Often well-loved by others, April 2 people must be careful not to drive friends to distraction with their ideas; they must learn to compromise, something mostly foreign to them. They too often see the world in black and white terms, an alienating stance. But because they are so human, so uncalculating. open and giving, they will be quickly forgiven their anger and minor day-to-day emotional difficulties. In addition, they often espouse the cause of the underdog, or the downtrodden, which can earn them the animosity of the powerful but also friends and admirers.

The emotions of others often bewilder April 2 people, who sometimes need to run up against crises, difficulties and even disasters to be able to recognize similar emotions in them- selves. Those born on this day can be oblivious to what others think of them. Consequently, it may be a long time before they come to realize that not everyone appreciates their extreme, albeit pure, viewpoints. If branded as troublemakers, they may take the resulting decisions made against them rather hard.

Strengths:

Honest

Sincere

Hard-working

Weaknesses:

Naive

Repressed

Unaware

Advice

Those born on this day do well with moderate physical exercise. This will serve to ground them in their bodies, and offer a respite from the highly mental world they inhabit. The active imaginations of April 2 people can run them ragged; they must be very careful of their nerves. Also they must be mindful of repressed anger or it will surely lead to depression. Repeated frustrations can force them in extreme cases to live entirely in a dream world, with disastrous psychological consequences for themselves and those close to them. Physically, those born on this day must learn to heed their body's messages: pain, longstanding discomfort, back and neck problems should be regularly attended by an expert. Regular checkups are extremely important to them, as they often try to ignore chronic problems until it is too late. Where diet is concerned, April 2 people love to eat and can put on weight unless they limit their intake of dairy products, alcohol and meat.

Force yourself to be realistic

Don't live in a dream world

Idealism is admirable, but it doesn't pay the bills

Listen to others, even when they voice negativity; their criticism may he valuable if you give it thought

[stillbandofbrothersthirsty]

Hii! May I request Heartbeat by Childish Gambino + love at first sight with Malarkey? Thank you❤️❤️

Yesss this song was MADE for my angsty soul! Malarkey and this song...phew, the angst. Thanks the request doll! <3

Who would have thought such a beautiful beginning would lead to such a painful end?

It had been love at first sight. You had caught his eye from across the room and it only took a matter of seconds for you to fall for that boyish smile. He fell in love with your laugh and you became obsessed with counting the freckles on his arms.

You had been different people back then. So full of hope, so full of potential, and so goddamn naive.

Your previous innocence seemed like a joke in the post-war world. You had to laugh at the memory of your childlike professions of love. How stupid they seemed now as you sat on the edge of his bed, pulling on your stockings and hating yourself. You had shared another midnight rendezvous without any intention or hope of reconciliation. After all, you had another man waiting for you and Don was nothing more than a ghost.

You used to consider yourself a good person. But something about him made you lose all rationality. Maybe you could have used your history as justification for your debauchery, but you both knew there was nothing romantic about your situation now. The war had broken Don and he had taken you down with him.

The last time you had truly felt anything was when his break-up letter arrived from Foy. It was the end of the world as you knew it, in the worst of ways. You had heard the news of Skip Muck, Alex Penkala, and Buck Compton from down the grapevine. You wrote to Don nearly every day with any desperate phrase of comfort you could conceive. He gave no response until he decided to end it. At the time, you couldn’t fathom how hollow his friends’ deaths had left him. You couldn’t comprehend how hurt people, hurt people. You had been a fool to think that you would be an exception in the depth of his pain.

Don could hardly look at you when he returned to the states. Part of you had hoped he would beg for you back but of course not, he had made his choice.

Besides, you had moved on. He had broken up with you after all. It was fully within your rights to date someone else; and at first, you were determined to respect your new relationship. But there was no avoiding Don. Every time you saw him your broken heart mourned for what you once had. You were a moth to his lamp if moths were self-sabotaging and lamps glowed dark.

You would be lying if you said you made every effort to resist Don. You would also be lying if you said you were trying to help him. It was clear to both of you that your relationship was beyond repair. And yet, you continued to go back to him time and time again. He had gone from the love of your life to your dirtiest secret.

You would like to say you resisted when he walked past with a scowl at the bar. You really shouldn’t care, especially when you were sitting beside your boyfriend who was ambitious and impressive and everything Don wasn’t. But you hated to think he was upset with you, especially when he had kissed you so sweetly the night before. But this was the cycle neither of you could escape. You were a reminder of everything he lost but couldn't bring himself to say goodbye to. It drove you crazy to see him with his new girlfriend. Surely she didn't make him happy?

At least the feeling seemed mutual. “Still with him?” Don couldn’t resist asking when you approach the bar. He always seemed to be there when your glass was empty. “Let me buy you a drink.” It wasn't a question.

“No, thank you,” you say. But your heart rate picks up just being closer to him. Though you’re looking straight ahead you can sense his amber eyes on you. He’s close enough that you can feel his warm breath on your cheek; it’s intoxicating. You try to remind yourself of how he’s treated you since Foy. From the breakup letter to the harsh words accusing you of not understanding his pain. You never pretended to understand his pain, all you wanted was to work through it together. He never gave you the chance.

“I can’t believe you’re with him,” he chuckles sardonically into his drink.

You can't help but look over at the girl he was with. She was nothing like you, is that what he liked now?

“He’s nice.” Your defense is weak, but that’s because you’re not sold on him either. You had love once, this wasn’t it.

And then he’s pushing the hair back behind your ear like he once did. And you notice the familiar patches of freckles around his wrist; the same ones you would run your thumb over before he ever left for Europe. You forget the glare he gave you when you first arrived at the bar because you can see that smile you fell in love with hidden behind the dark gold of his irises.

The next thing you know you’re lying to your boyfriend about feeling sick. You insist you get can home safely by yourself. Little does he know you’re not going home. Or maybe he is suspicious, but you don’t care, not when Don is waiting in the dark around the corner to take you back to his place.

And then he’s kissing you. And part of you wants to cry, you can feel the tears building but they’re never going to fall. You feel too numb to do anything except drag your lips across his familiar skin. You relish in the feeling of his bare skin against yours. In the darkness, you can almost imagine you’re touching the Don you once knew.

You knew what you were doing was wrong but you had made the accompanying guilt your friend. It was the price to pay to revisit the memory of true love that had been robbed by the evils of war.

[evilzoldyck]

No Strings Attached

You hated being alone.

Throughout all of your life the people you held dear to your heart had left you in the pursuit of their own goals and achievements. Born into a competitive and eccentric world where miscellaneous and bizarre adventures are just at the corner of the street took a toll in holding a stable relationship with just about anyone. Your own parents left you once you were at the age to be able to fend for yourself, moving through various countries and cities in search of new opportunities also meant that you couldn’t make lasting friends, and with no siblings to interact with, you were mostly just by yourself.

Now at the age of adulthood, you managed to establish a close circle of friends as well as a stable job in a comfortable city where the hustle and bustle of it all seemed never-ending but remained unchanging. After years of failing to build some sort of bond with anyone, you developed a sense of fear of abandonment. To make matters even worse, you craved an intimate connection with someone you could share with for the rest of your life.

In juxtaposition of the contrasting characters you possess you were then extremely susceptible to being taken advantage of. There were often too times where you couldn't help falling for their saccharine words, the way they approach you at the bar with their charming and rugged features while offering you only the sweetest drink. However that was all it was, just an illusion powdered up with dishonest sentimentality. 

Your friends would often reprimand you for how easily you’re swayed by their empty promises, how quickly you fall heads over heels, how hastily you give yourself to them. It's no wonder that with your childlike innocence and overzealousness in finding love had gotten you nowhere but more pain and suffering. Founding out the hard way that they never considered a real relationship with you but would rather keep up pretences just to get a taste of what you felt like.

Once they’ve gotten what they desired it was just natural that they leave. You've lost count at how many nights you lost crying over dumb little boys until daybreak, staying in your room until you couldn’t tell the difference between the moon or the sun anymore. You were still young, naive and sensitive; your heart ached from only giving love and receiving nothing in return. 

But was it really that wrong for you to want something you never had? You weren’t quite yet giving up but with the countless series of unfortunate experiences in dating, you harboured quite a stigma around fair looking guys with silver tongues. It was at that moment you met him. 

Jispa.

Despite his boyish looks and charismatic smile that was just so contagious and bright, he was everything you despised. His coy conversations, his flirty demeanour and adventurous spirit told you all you needed to know should you return his stubborn feelings for you. Everything about him reminded you of your exes. Guys like Jispa didn’t have a penchant for caring much about relationships or basically anyone but themselves.

Nevertheless, he was relentless in his own pursuit, showing up wherever you went, showering you with unctuous platitudes and surprising you with small yet thoughtful gifts. It was by far the most anyone had ever done for you, recounting at how quickly they would retract once you reject their offer for a drink to save face.

But not Jispa, he was shameless with his emotions and careless in how he wields it. No matter how many times you’ve turned him away he always came running back optimistically with that gleam in his eyes, hoping that this time you would reciprocate.

You knew you couldn’t let him get too close to you, for if you did you’re afraid you might never recover if he left. People with an innate sense of adventure never tended to stay for too long, just like your parents which you learned well from early on.

However you couldn’t deny that you loved and craved his ardent attention on you

Throughout his incessant interest and amidst of your own solitude you ended up having quite a unique relationship with the said man, one with no strings attached.

Was it strange? Cruel? Ironic? All of your friends seemed to thought so, sleeping with a man who professed his fondness for you while you exploited his affections and used him liberally for your own personal gain. But wasn’t the reason he was after you the exact same thing all men wanted?

At first you thought what you did was completely harmless, in fact you decisively considered that this give and take contract would be beneficial for the both of you. One where you would partake in the enjoyment of each other’s pleasure while remaining completely detached in the emotional aspect. You figured he would tire in your company and move on to other things like so many had, and yet instead after a month of this particular exchange, you would find him still as smitten as the first day you met him.

You knew better than to let your feelings dictate your actions. He was here for a good time and so were you, treating each other more as a convenience rather than proper lovers.

Which is why you were here this evening, dressed at your best from the dress you picked out since last night to meet someone. Sitting alone at the designated café, you checked your phone to see that he was twenty minutes late.

Sure, things can happen during the road, it wasn’t that big of a deal. You made a note that the highways can get pretty congested during the evenings, one of the adverse effects of living in the city was that the traffic could become unbearable during the prime hours. These kinds of thoughts would’ve easily calmed you down but the way he hadn’t responded to your texts all day had your stomach turn into knots.

No way would your friend confidently introduce you to would turn out to be the type to do something like this. She said that he was exactly your type, someone who was also serious about relationships, someone kind and charitable, educated and progressive, someone who valued trust and teamwork. From the way she pitched this guy, he sounded like the one for you.

Quickly texting him another message, you decided to wait for ten more minutes.

Bouncing one of your legs up and down in anticipation, you watched the sky got darker and darker turning from bright orange to a deep purple haze as the minute passes while mindlessly sipping at your drink which became diluted from all the ice melting.

“Excuse me, are you using this chair?” A girl requested politely in a soft tone as if not to startle you. You looked up from the window at the sudden voice and gathered yourself quickly from your daze.

“Oh sorry, I’m waiting on someone.” Shooting her an apologetic smile she shyly apologised back and returned to her group of friends in search for another extra chair somewhere else. The girl may feel a bit self-conscious at your rejection but nothing could compare to how embarrassed you felt.

Getting up from your chair you don’t head for the exit but instead the counter, buying another glass of your favourite drink from this place. The barista took your order where you paid and returned back to your table, scrolling idly through your phone.

The ten minutes you told yourself quickly turned into forty minutes.

After today you would have to look for another establishment that made pastries and drinks as good as this one for you knew you could never show your face here again. The same group of teenage girls who jovially exchanged conversations had soon finished and left the place passing by you and though they didn’t say anything or particularly looked your way, you could feel shame starting to set in at the still clearly empty chair.

You felt as if all eyes were on you, wondering why you were here for so long, who you were waiting for. The workers in this café probably knew that you got stood up, they most likely even knew from way before. This was the third time this week something like this happened to you, actually you hadn’t had much luck in even meeting anyone, after days worth of promising talk you would suddenly never hear from them again.

Anger, resent, humiliation.

Those were the emotions that were raging inside you. You wished you hadn’t been so blinded by false hopes again, you wish you hadn’t spent so much time preparing yourself for the date, you wish you hadn’t listened to your friend, you wish you hadn’t gotten out of bed at all.

The city had now turned on all the lights as the midnight sky settled in for the night. Blinking back the tears you looked up at your contacts and texted a quick message wondering if they had any plans.

Instead of texting back the person called you immediately after the text was delivered.

“Hey, I got your message.” That’s right, Jispa always preferred calling over texting. “I’m at the gym, do you need something?”

Biting the inside of your cheek you held on to the little pride you have left and replied, “no, just wondering.” Deflating once you knew that he was doing something else.

“Are you doing anything right now?”

“No.” Jispa let out a breathy laughter through the phone which sounded so damn attractive that you scolded yourself for thinking so.

“I get it, you just miss me that much,” you could practically see his smug face and teasing grin from the sound of his voice. “Even after we did it so many times yesterday-”

“I’m hanging up,” you retorted back as he mirthfully laughed once more and begged you not to.

“Drop your pin for me babe, I’ll come get you right now.”

“But what about your training session?” you couldn’t help but ask, masking your contentment as soon as he made his mind up on skipping his night time workout routine.

“And pass up the chance to see you? I think you should know me better than that by now.” You could never get over how easily he throws you compliments, nevertheless you started to ease yourself the more you talked to him, your loneliness slowly creeping away from you and making you feel whole again.

You ended up giving him your location at the end as he arrived just minutes later on his infamous motorcycle. Showing you his dazzling smile before making a quick comment on how pretty you looked, he took of his jacket and handed it to you- well more like draped it over your shoulders.

“It’s cold,” Jispa nonchalantly said. You rolled your eyes at his cheesy attempt but thanked him regardless as you got on the back of the seat. You had your hands at his sides before he suddenly intertwined his fingers with yours and pulled you closer so that you hugged him tightly. Sighing in initial reluctance you couldn’t help but rest your weary head against his back as he drove through the streets, enjoying how comfortable this was.

Meanwhile Jispa couldn’t wipe the smile off his face- actually the moment you called he wasn’t able to contain his excitement. Hearing you reach out for him and implying all your needs to be with him made him drown out his thoughts to calm himself down before he goes all loony over you.

Though when he picked you up from the side of the café, he couldn’t help but let guilt eat away at his heart. To see you so heartbroken made his heart ache just as much. It made him wish that he hadn’t let the guy go so easily with a broken nose.

To be able to hold you, touch you and spend countless of passionate nights together is already a blessing, but it seemed like it was never enough for him. He always wanted more from you, whether it was time or sex he could never satiate his desire nor need for you.

Of course he couldn’t let you know he was behind all these unsuccessful dates for the past month, trading information from all the connection he could get to scare these losers one by one. He was the reason they refrained from ever seeing you again. Apparently the chance to go on a date with you or facing the brunt of his anger seemed a bit too risky for all of them to consider.

But he just knew that they wouldn’t treat you right, none of these guys could ever begin to fathom just how precious you are. They could never understand you like he did and love you just as much he does. Why you even bother trying to make it work is beyond him. In his eyes, he couldn’t see anyone but him worthy enough to take such a title.

Often he thinks he’s completely entitled of you, almost treating it as a birth right. To deny him of such privilege is like a crime to his rightful claim.

After turning off the engine, he lets you in all too happily while chivalrously opening up the door for you to enter first. You visited his place many times to become quite acquainted with yourself at the familiar surroundings, even going so far as to know the brand of toothpaste he uses.

Spearmint, a fairly popular brand.

Taking his jacket off and putting it to the side, you heard him close the door before enveloping his arms around you from behind. Gently kissing down the nape of your neck you felt a mix of feelings stirring down inside you. After a rough time back at the café you were elated that there was someone you could spend your time with, however you just weren’t up for some mindless sex at the moment.

Jispa made you feel so good about yourself even in the brevity of the exchange you could feel yourself finding solace in his embrace. During the height of the most passionate moment, you had never felt loved, so wanted by another, to be revered and worshiped that even the gods themselves would shake in envy. But that feeling never lasted, instead it wavered and passed quickly once you’re back at your own apartment the next morning; instead this time, it was really company that you wanted.

Before he could unzip your dress from the back, you turned around abruptly and flashed him a sympathetic smile. “Can we not do this right now? I changed my mind,” you asked, pulling his hands down from you. “I’m really sorry I called you for nothing.”

If he was disappointed Jispa didn’t show it on his face, rather he griped your hand that was subtly pushing him away and squeezed it affectionately. “Hey it’s ok, I don’t mind,” he quickly replied, brushing away some loose strands from your face as he ducked down enough to lower himself to your eye level. “We can always do something else…”

Your eyes flickered up towards him at his suggestion. Something else? Was that against the rules? At first you both came up with arrangements in order to make sure that this was kept strictly professional, but within days you’ve already broken so many rules. Initially you both promised to keep kissing out from your contract, yet Jispa just whispered, ‘sorry’ before pressing his lips against yours. It felt so good and intimate that you let him continue anyway.

Another rule you agreed was that you couldn’t spend the night over at each other’s place, but there were days where he would make valid arguments countering that policy saying that it was too late, too cold, too dangerous that he, in good conscious, could not let you go home.

Already pushing the boundaries of what’s meant to be simple, you’re afraid you’ll cross a line in which you could never turn back, the line you have is already this hazy and you don’t know when you’ll draw a clear one with him.

Jispa could feel your apprehension as a conflict of interest between your mind and your heart occurred inside your head. While rubbing soothing circles at the back of your hand, he couldn’t help but feel pitiful towards you. Before him, there were many others willing to use your naivety for their own benefit that he couldn’t blame you for keeping your guards up around him. Years of neglect and abuse had rendered you to be so sensitive when it comes to the subject of these matters, he couldn’t jeopardise his chance to prove himself to you.

 “We could watch that new movie instead, I’ll even order takeout from that restaurant you like so much,” Jispa prompted cheerfully, amping up the suddenly sullen atmosphere as you laughed in disbelief at his idea.

“I thought you wouldn’t touch anything that goes against your dietary regime,” you remarked, knowing full well that this man cares too much about his health and fitness to even consider fast food as a proper meal.

“I’ll coax myself to eat anything just to have something nice with you,” he grimaced playfully at the thought. “So how about it? Totally platonic.”

“Platonic,” you repeated back after him with a soft smile dancing on your lips. “Sounds good to me.”

His eyes brightened once you agreed, leading you to the couch where he quickly put on the movie as you made yourself comfortable beside him.

Progress, that was all it was, a step by step process on breaking down the wall that’s created such distance between you two. But for now he couldn’t just freely tell you the truth on just how much he liked you, he wouldn’t want to scare you away. Truthfully he knew that threatening these guys to break your heart was eating away at your self-esteem, but if that’s what it takes to make you reach out to him he’d gladly put your feelings aside just this one time.

It seemed like there wasn’t much difference between him and all your past exes. It was a bitter irony, though he claimed that his intentions for you were nothing but pure or that he was the one that wasn’t going anywhere, at the end of the day he would still selfishly take advantage of you just like the others previously had.

[sleepynegress]

Spoiler-Filled Reaction to the 1st Ep of TFATWS: ‘New World Order’ ...

Okay, so I may switch up and do weekly recaps via audio. Either way, I’m getting something out before the weekend is up... Still!...  It’s a been a few days, so I can go a bit more in depth with my thoughts on that pilot ep.

~ So, that opening was quiet and down-to-earth. For me, it was hammering home not only the humbleness of Sam (despite the bravado, the man is naive in his optimism and *not* superpowered), but being stuck in his initial thoughts about the shield.   ...That it didn’t feel like it belonged to him. Sam’s personality, has been established as super-loyal and almost childlike in his feelings that things will work out and doing the right thing because it’s right (which is why he didn’t get paid enough BTW naive pride). 

-which comes into play w/ his conflict w/ his sister later... I’ll come back to that.

~ We jump into a dangerous mission that shows off Falcon’s personality. He’s gonna get it done with style and optimism even when working with equipment that needs a few updates.  The stunt coordination here was fantastic!  I legit whewed! aloud at Balroc paragliding into *multiple* helicopters... Sam’s hair-pin turns milimeters from canyon rock, propellers, and rockets... ~ I *loved* Torres’ fanboying. It felt like a parallel to Sam fanboying Cap, in CA:WS and evoked the well-established superhero trope of a person *marveling* aloud at what you’re doing making it so. much. cooler. (as an oldhead, the random black dude emoting about Superman’s suit after he comes out of a phonebooth, in the Reeves movie, is my earliest memory of this trope). ~ Then we see the Tunisia titlecard, which yea! it didn’t just say Africa, but ehh, once again “yellow tint” is code for “exotic” country full of brown people. It did cut through the typically more alt-right-tinged military propaganda w/ the Tunisian man thanking Sam for saving his wife, the bare minimum of humanization... but it saved the scene from just “backdropping” the people/culture w/o any humanity, at all, as is typical... That and the way these two BIPOC spoke to one another (there is a certain kind of rapport we non-white folk have w/ each other) was my first hint...that this showrunner ain’t a white dude. The joking about him knowing Arabic...like cheering/teasing when we show our range to one another.  Mainly, this interaction was to show that Sam is to Torres what Steve was to Sam in some ways...with a bit more “brazen kid” on Torres’ part, along w/ introing the idea of the Flagsmashers. ~ Then, naive Sam decides to donate the shield to the Smithsonian...because he doesn’t feel like he’s earned it and because in his mind it still belongs to Cap and because he’s out here trusting this governement even after all the B.S. he’s done lived through.  Even Rhodey was having his doubts... Maybe being around during the blip makes a person more savvy and cynical, IDK. ~ So, then we see Buck in therapy and since I’ve been through trauma, I know that mindset.  Sticking to routine is a big “win”.  Not really caring about anything beyond the bare essentials (yall saw that man’s apartment). And the feeling of being displaced would be amplified by the fact that this man is more so than anyone who has existed(!).  ~ I noticed that Seb leaned into his Rom-Merican accent, which was a great acting choice, it evokes his sense of having traveled without a solid sense of self in a place, because he was essentially, asleep all those decades, while the brainwashed aspect of himself was enslaved to Hydra. I LOVE his therapist.   Fannishness for a cute guy, means a lot of people don’t like her being “mean” to him... But I’mma tell you, as someone who actually has been in therapy for a good bit, you *need* someone who will call you on your bullshit so you can properly work on it.  I love that she’s also a vet and there’s nothing cutesy and coddling in a male-gazey sexy or motherly way. She’s doing her fucking job and not letting his ass slide. To me, that read as a hat-tip to a woman drecting this. So, we see Buck manifest his trauma w/ profound discomfort in his own skin.  He doesn’t know how to interact anymore, how to swagger in this strange time and place (because dude had all kinds of 1940′s swagger and juice back in CA:TFA) So, he’s just awkwardly honest, and beating himself up for that. But... he’s still alive, so he totally perked up in the presence of this attractive server and Yori notices and like so many old people, just busted his chops and skipped all the what he wasn’t gonna do and did it for him, w/ Leah’s confidant acceptance -ahhh, I luv her!- as an assist. ~ Then we flip back to Sam in Delacroix and we meet his sister and his nephews and his community(!) which really nails down Sam the man, the person, the human apart from his underwritten assists to the Avengers. We see that Sarah knows and loves this naively optimistic ‘I will find a way to fix it because it’s the right thing to do’ hard-headed brother.... but good-God! he doesn’t know shit about real-world day-to-day struggle... If you’ve seen Anthony Mackie in The Hurt Locker... one of the big themes explored, is how tough it is for vets who have been through explosions and firefights in another country... to adjust to day-to-day struggle in “normal life���. THAT is what Buck’s therapist was calling out when she said BULLSHIT to him saying he wanted peace (lol, no he doesn’t, like Sam he wants that righeous kind of adrenalin only being in action for “good” gives) and what Sarah is frustrated w/ is regarding him not understanding or respecting the kind of struggle she had to deal w/. ~ As an aside I *loved* her *nose-scratch* “Can I talk to you for a minute??” Whew! That is a black-ass way to let you know someone is pissed w/ you and wants to hash all the shit out. That’s why Sam avoided it, lol... ~ So, the date with Leah, who does all the right things...Goes terribly, because Buck is still too deep in his trauma focus on anything about how great she is.   Note, that just about everything that happened on that date reminded him of aspects of his trauma to the point where Buck, (being an absolute dick!) just fucking, walks out on her!!  I NEED her to chew his ass out for that and I need him to *not* be able to make it up to her (and I’d also love some fanfic, where Buck actually does *ahem* treat her well... I know Asian women be shorted in fanfic too!) ~ So, he goes to Yori’s apartment and stares like an obvious knucklehead (still dealing w/ being stuck in his trauma) at the alter to the man who was just in the way of that brainwashed aspect of himself, pays for the lunch and walks off...AND, NOTE!!  YORI DID NOTICE ALL THIS. So, this will eventually come to a head...yikes! ~ Then we’re back to Sam, and Sarah who tries to have that talk, but old boy ain’t trying to hear it. Insisting that he’s the man to swoop in and save the boat and the business *sigh* by some magic (hanging with magical beings...will do that, I guess). And Sarah smartly is just frustrated and skeptical, but lets him go on and try and fail in the same ways she already did so. many. times... in those five years. ~ And then we see bb Torres being brazen kid stupid amateur spy w/ the Flagsmashers. I honestly thought old masked dude stomped him to death, at first... The camera pan showed the cliched dead-man pose, after all.  I guess he pulled that (super!)stomp, which means... Flagsmashers aren’t the lethal villians here IMO.   I think they escaped from the *real* villian. ~ And then comes some real world racist bullshit... This scene at the bank *nails* a particular kind of frustratingly infuriating racism that is common. Where they will act like they are doing you a favor because they like and want something from you... but still won’t serve you in the same way they would a white person. It’s this strange willfullly “I like you negroes, you entertain me! -but fuck you -but I still like you!” patronizing thing that we know all too well. *whew!* That was real. And then that heartbreaking scene where after Sarah rightly told-ya-so’s.  -Sam is working on that mess of an engine and reality *finally* sets in when the key  didn’t even attempt to turnover.

~ Then Torres messages Sam (and he’s alive!) and we all know Sam knows these Flasgsmashers got super-serum, but isn’t saying. Even TORRES knows (bless his heart). ~ And from there we go straight to the U.S. government rubbing salty dirt in Sam’s wound with the new/fake Cap holding the shield aloft and winking like “It’s mine now, bitch!”. ---And the credits, I won’t get into except to say if you want ALL the spoilers in the credits, watch that linked video, I posted earlier. But they are SIGNIFICANT spoilers.

[ashbournerp]

THE DESERT ROSE

The Duchess of Sandspell

Name: Yasmin Melek Yıldırım Age: 30 Pronouns: She/Her Occupation: Duchess Dukedom: Sandspell FC: Esra Bilgiç Status: Played by Admin B

About

If there was a flower to bloom in adversity it would be you. Growing up as another face among the crowd, you are more than just another noble in a position of a power- you are the heart of your people and there is a reason they've chosen you to lead. Not only are you incredibly intelligent, having been a skilled spy for the kingdom once upon a time, but you are also an artist, knowing how to gain one's trust and when to lean on others to take advantage of their select skillsets. But, what no one knows is how much of a toll being the people's 'perfect' choice takes upon you.

Occupation

The Duke/Duchess is the ruler of the formidable deserts known as Kum Diyari. They manage the Dukedom's various enterprises, oversee the strategic plans of trading routes, transportation and espionage as well as the preservation of knowledge and artistry.

Biography (TW: Depression, Alcoholism, Addiction, Violence, Self-Harm)

If there was one thing Yasmin could always count on- it was finding solace in the stars. Growing up in the city of artists, she would find herself sprawled out upon some abandoned rooftop. The cool desert air stinging her cheeks as she’d trace the constellations with her eyes. The patterns were ever changing, but the promise of starlight was always the same. Those brilliant shimming lights an ever present reminder that there was beauty amongst the darkness. 

For the Yildirims weren’t born a noble breed. They were forgotten faces amongst the crowd. Her grandfather had been engineer who tinkered his life away bringing other’s designs to life, lacking the skills to truly create anything of worth himself. While, her father, the poet, practically embodied the nature of the ‘starving artist’. He must have been charismatic and suave back in the day. An idealistic dreamer sweeping others up in his intoxicatingly dreamy words. That is how he managed to capture the heart of her mother after all.  Only, in Yasmin’s lifetime, she had never once met that man. 

The man she knew as babacığım was a washed up empty shell of the dreamer he was before, having quickly slipped into a depression shortly after his wife walked out on him. The man Yasmin knew as father was a man who found himself over and over again at the end of a bottle. A man who gambled any spare coins they had away, had a tendency to invite strangers into their home and, when she was toddler, would fail to remember where he last left her. Now that all wasn’t to say he didn’t love her. He adored her very much. So much so, that he throw money he didn’t have at her. He’d take his family out to fancy dinners, borrow money he didn’t have with the promise he’d one day pay the people he took from back. And maybe in part he truly believe that he would. But, between him barely managing to get out of bed during the day to having strange men invade their home and threaten them at night- it all became too much.

So she left. The dusty streets of Kum Diyari becoming her home. Those next few years marked some of the best of her life. Living on the streets was far from easy, but given her upbringing, it wasn’t exactly as if she was accustomed to a cushy lifestyle before and she was used to taking care of herself. But, amongst the boisterous market places and crowds flooded with artists, she felt free. She felt as if a weight had been lifted off her chest, having only the responsibility of herself and herself alone. That and it didn’t hurt that she had met quite the handsome newfound company.

Kaan was unequivocally captivating. He was quick witted charmer who never ceased to live in the moment. He may have been a petty theft out for himself, but she had, maybe naively, believed in him when he promised to have each’s others back. Laying out underneath the luminescent moon, their pinkies locked in an almost childlike gesture as her heavy lids fell close. Her head rested against his shoulder. They were supposed to be each other’s chosen family. They were suppose to be there for each other when no one else would. Only, Yasmin was quickly reminded of how a promise was made up of easy words all too easily broken. 

Kaan didn’t just leave her. Yasmin rolled over ready to cuddle up against the man she was smitten with to find that he vanished into the night as swiftly as he had entered her life and cleaned her out along the way. He didn’t even leave a coin to her name. She eventually managed to track him down after weeks of struggling to fend for herself, but when she did, she was met with an accusation rather than an explanation. She had a family unlike him, he so poignantly reminded her. He needed the money to make something of himself while a girl like her? If she was smart, she’d do herself a favor and return to where she belonged. 

He hadn’t been unaware of the full situation. She knew that and yet his words couldn’t help, but sting. Her father had sold the last of what they had. She had no home to return to and the one person she had believed wholeheartedly was her family had tossed her aside as if she was nothing. A nobody. 

The next few months, Yas spent attempt to fend for herself- shifting from the girl who tried to avoid precarious situations like an attempted mugging or escaping a handsy drunken merchant who sought to take advantage of how innocent she seemed, to seeking them out. She needed money. She needed food. She needed roof over her head and she needed to eat. So, she took a page from Kaan’s book. But, rather than relying on nibble fingers, she was quick on her feet.

She lunged forwards, cloak draped over head to conceal her face from view, as she held a dagger up against a passerby’s neck. It hadn’t been her first mugging, but what she wasn’t expecting was for the woman she had threatened to quickly take the upper hand, pining her onto her back in a matter of seconds. 

To Yasmin’s surprise, instead of reporting her to the authorities, the woman saw potential in her. Extending out her hand, the teacher offered to mold her into the perfect weapon. A mercenary for the kingdom who would spy for the crown and whom one would never be able to gain the upper hand on again. 

And, oh, how they were right. As the years progressed, Yasemin didn’t just gain notoriety from that of the late duchy of Kum Diyari, she perfected her smile into that of a sharp blade, carrying an eased charm about her that would make others feel comfortable and connected to her enough to share their secrets, but not from ever truly knowing what thoughts were running through her own head at any precise moment. And when it was the late duchy’s time to step down, it was on their recommendation for her to take over.

Yasmin Yilidrim wouldn’t have been the person you’d bet on to make something of herself and, yet, she’s a leader who has managed to steal the hearts of her people. They view her as one of them. The daughter of an artist. A skilled ex-spy. An incredibly intelligent rose amongst the desert who acts with their best interests in mind, making the choice to resist the existing rule after the growing political upheaval from their own. She is a picturesque duchess, managing to come across as mesmerizing and relatable, all while holding her head held high. Her nails, all the while, cutting dipper into the skin around her palms. The weight of the world and her past sometimes becoming far too much for her to carry upon her shoulders- not that she’d ever let it show across her calm facade.

Personality

+ Charismatic: Yasmin has a way of captivating those around her with that of a simple smile. She has an effortless pull of her lips that has a way of putting those around her at ease. She is far from the loudest in the room, preferring to sit back and observe those around her rather than steal the show. But, she has conversing down to an art form. 

+ Clever: For a dukedom that values intelligence and ingenuity, it is no wonder that their leader would as clever as they come. Yasmin is a strategic thinker, liking to remain at least ten steps ahead of anyone else in the room. Her open-minded nature and survival instincts allowing herself to think outside the box and connect the dots others might not have picked up on. But, where she may lack, she makes up for by purposely surrounding herself with those she can lean on.

- Secretive: Yas goes out of her way to make sure her true self remains just out of reach. With knowledge is power and she’d be damned if she will allow anyone else to gain a leg up on her.

- Apprehensive: Yasmin spends each day dreading the worst. She’s far too paranoid for her own liking, constantly afraid that someone will use her own vulnerabilities against her or take everything from her once more. Playing the role of an unattainable and perfect leader is more exhausting than she’d ever let on. The scars she has inflicted upon herself, tucked away out of view, and the faint scabs healing over across her palms are proof alone that she isn’t as skilled at holding it all together as she’d like the world to believe.

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 28: 3x01 Spock’s Brain

Today’s ep was the infamous Spock’s Brain. I’d never seen it before and always insisted I didn’t want to but...this is a complete rewatch so I guess I kinda had to.

As predicted, it was bad. Utter nonsense for a premise and the actual execution shot through with sexism. There were some aspects that I did like but most of them have been done better by other eps--and in any case were not worth the ridiculous basis of the ep itself. Honestly, if I were watching all this live, and I waited months for this, I might have wondered if the show weren’t better off cancelled.

But I would have been wrong because the next ep is The Enterprise Incident so! Sometimes you just need to be patient.

This episode is starting out so strangely. Why is the bridge being shot from all these weird angles? And why do the colors seem...duller?

They really can spy on these other ships, huh?

“My name is Captain James Kirk.” Not breaking out the middle initial today, I see.

Chapel going for the drama as she falls down.

Kirk too, sprawled over his chair. (Makes me think of “The chair is, in fact, not bolted to the ground.”)

This honestly reads like a bad parody of Star Trek.

Ridiculous lines include: “His brain is gone.” “His incredible Vulcan physique.” “In search of his brain.” “Where are you going to look for his brain?” “It was taken out, it can be put back in.”

“Spock’s body is more dependent on his brain” than a human’s. Ummmm I feel like there’s something suspicious in there.

The only good thing about this ep is Kirk’s devotion to Spock.

Seriously why does the bridge look so different? Filming it from a different location changes everything.

When Kirk paces in front of the view screen, it really shows off how small it is.

“The spaceship that has Spock’s brain.”

I like these schematics and Chekov’s little presentation here. Also Kirk can automatically put years to all the planet evolution codes or whatever--like on the one hand, of course he can, that’s his job, but on another... what a nerd.

Honestly these people--obviously, they are underground on the ice planet. Obviously!!! I actually do appreciate this scene in general, with the bridge crew working out a problem on the bridge, which actually almost never happens--it’s definitely the best scene of the ep--but still. It’s obviously the ice planet.

Also, I like that Uhura gets to contribute. She thinks outside of the box, asks the good questions. Don’t just look at the outside evolution of the planet--ask about what the brain could be used for, and where it might be.

“Get there, find the brain.”

Oh no, he accidentally called Scotty Spock :(

“High of 40. Livable.” I realize this is a Russian joke but that’s really not that bad lol. Definitely not an ice age anymore.

“They give pain and delight.” So they’re dominatrixes?

“You are small.” Well no need to be mean about it.

Don’t you have a companion?? Love that that’s one of their synonyms for “spouse” or “partner.”

The alien men look like they’re wearing short jean skirts.

“A dead and buried city on a planet in a glacial age.” That’s a good idea. Could have done something better with that.

Chekov’s still stuck on the no women thing, I think.

Why did they dress Spock in a leftover outfit from This Side of Paradise?

McCoy and his stimulants again, waking up the alien lady after they stunned her. Multi-purpose.

“I know nothing about a brain.” Clearly.

So all the women live below ground, and all the men live above...

Ah-ha, they have found Spock’s voice.

“There is a definite pleasurable experience connected with the hearing of your voice.” This ep is almost worth it for that line.

Also Kirk’s face when he hears Spock’s voice.

I like that Spock is still funny. Honestly he’s probably funnier disembodied. This is a very humorous Spock characterization. “That is a practical idea. It seems unlikely that I shall be able to get to you.”

WHAT IS BRAIN.

They’re being quite sexist, aren’t they? “No engineering geniuses here. Only women. None of these women could ever have done surgery on Spock’s brain.” Like I know it’s that they’re obviously (or supposedly obviously) naive and childlike but like combining that with the sex segregated society and the actual phrasing of these lines (WOMEN?? Engineers?? Doctors??) plus Kirk assuming the Controller is a man (who says?) all creates this like definite sexist vibe while watching. Ugh make it stop.

How can Spock’s brain control everything? They’ve only had it for 5 minutes.

“Mistress.” I told you they were dominatrixes.

Oh yeah Captain Sulu!!

More sexist quotes: “What a way to maintain control over a man.” “I’ve certainly noticed their delightful aspects.” Please stop talking; you’re digging yourselves in a deeper hole.

(Seriously though--I feel like the unspoken world building fact here is that the women need the men for procreation specifically, which is why they capture the men, and then control them--using the “pain belts”--to have sex--the “pleasure.” They probably also use them for other labor, given the presence of the male guards and the line “they won’t help us if we don’t control them” or whatever it was. But surely the delightfulness of the women is more than their physical appearance, is what I’m saying.)

What is the commentary on gender here? Women = scary, dumb, and hot?

Yeah, how DOES Spock’s brain fit into this?

Lol at Spock’s empty body calmly watching them all fighting.

“Science will triumph.” A real lost opportunity in the AOS-verse to have Kirk say this after a bar brawl.

“You are a disembodied brain.” I feel like there’s a (McCoy) joke in here about how he’s reached his ideal state.

His body is the building. (I was right, I totally called this plot point as soon as Spock started talking about his incredibly large body and how his brain was still doing things like regulating oxygen. I must say... this is not a bad idea, except for the brain stealing part. Like there’s something in there, the idea of the complex as a body, powered by a brain. Idk.)

So basically Spock is taking another opportunity to insult Bones’ medical skills. Oh Spock, never change.

I feel like Bones is enjoying his Spock puppet, on some level.

“Pain bands.”

Use the Spock puppet, Kirk! Use it to fight the lady alien!

“The controller is young and powerful, perfect.” / “How very flattering.” LOL I can’t believe this is real.

“You took his brain. You will put it back.”

So the alien lady puts on the spiky helmet and now she’s suddenly smart. I hate thissssssssssss.

(I actually do think the idea of old knowledge stored outside of the... brains...of the current generation, for their own protection, as decided by the paternalist elders... is not itself a bad concept. Of course it’s also a concept that other eps did better, like The Apple or For the World is Hollow or even Return of the Archons. Again, combining it with all the gross things they said about women earlier just leaves a bad taste. Even though--even though!!--we don’t know who the elder people were. Like, was this a matriarchal society that saved the women in the underground because they were better? Or was it a patriarchal society that put the women in the underground because they were considered weak and in need of protection? I rather assumed the second, but I think there’s some evidence for the first, in particular, that the story reeks of Sexualized Male Fear. What’s a better combination of hot and scary than a matriarchy of women in short skirts?)

“Got your gun.” (But the other way around.)

“Our need for the Controller is more important than your need for your friend.” That sounds an awful lot like “The needs of the many outweigh needs of the one” and we all know what Kirk thinks about that. That said, he’s really not...engaging with her facially fair argument at all.

“No one may kill a man. Not for any purpose. It cannot be condoned.”

Love Scotty’s acting skills. Gotta get this gun back really fast--create a diversion by fainting! But not too much!

I do love McCoy. He’s an adventurer too. He pretends he’s not but he jumps at the chance to discover and learn. He will not hesitate to put himself in danger if it’s for the common good or to protect his friends.

“Put the teacher on.”

Now finally Kirk is engaging with the fate of the society he’s encountered lol. Like, again, he’s not wrong; they’ve stagnated under the computer/controller and it’s not moral to steal from someone else to keep your comfortable and boring life going when you could just do the work yourself, but coming this late, it feels like an afterthought. It’s also weird that she just like stood by and let them take Spock and his brain after all that to do about...not letting them have the brain. Like at the end of the day she was not so inept. Also, they never explained what happens to all the knowledge in the teacher. One would assume they’d have to access it--or not? They’re just to start from scratch? Also legit I guess. And finally... all I can really hear, in the emphasis on integrating with the men again, is “You’ll learn how to develop a society naturally and also about heterosexual sex wink wink.” (Except that as I said... I think they know about that.)

I see McCoy’s regretting that “child’s play” talk now.

“Give priority to reconnecting Spock’s vocal cords.” Yep that’s how the brain works for sure.

Wow Spock really does have to do everything himself. Including operate on himself.

“This Vulcan is telling me how to operate.”

How did he operate without...opening Spock’s skull... in any way??

Not to question the verisimilitude of Spock’s Brain lol.

Everyone’s being so rude--Spock is providing valuable last minute exposition/explanation about this weird-ass society!

It’s always odd when they don’t return to the bridge. Like, they’re not going to collect Chekov?

That was... something.

I liked a few things: any excuse for Kirk to be devoted to Spock; the humor Spock showed; I liked the bridge scene where they looked at the map of the planets; and I liked certain things about the premise of the episode, although, like I said, most of the general aspects (post-disaster society, reliance on computers, etc.) had been done better in other episodes. I liked the look into the Male Brain lol.

What I didn’t like was how outright ridiculous the basic catalyzing event was--Spock’s brain has been literally stolen like??? Are you kidding me? That led to a considerable amount of dialogue that read like a Star Trek parody. Did not like that. And of course, as I said... the sexism. I think I’ve unpacked that enough. It didn’t need to be sexist, and you can explain it in a way that’s not, but the vibe sure was. It was like... well a lot of TOS is like this imo. You can give it an A (or at least a B) for effort, but what comes out is so obviously tainted by the sexism of the creators. Like, for example, how they say they believe in women who are just as capable and professional as men, but struggle to show it. This ep wanted to show a matriarchal society but it wasn’t really a matriarchal society--it was a Freudian dream that was all about the male psyche and what it most fears and wants.

All that said.. the next ep is a D.C. Fontana creation featuring one of my favorite TOS Ladies, the Female Romulan Commander, so I will be receiving a consolation prize.

Also the AOS verse is still more sexist and doesn’t have an excuse I said what I said.

[theres-a-goldensky]

BL Show Review Series - HIStory 3: Trapped

My first non-Thai BL review is also going to be of a series that moves away from the university setting: the Taiwanese drama HIStory3: Trapped.

Disclaimer that these are my own opinions, and I don’t know where the BL community as a whole stands on these shows. If I disliked a show you loved or visa versa, no disrespect is intended!

MASTERLIST OF BL SHOW REVIEWS

MILD SPOILERS AHEAD!

HIStory3: Trapped Rating: 9.5/10

This series. This series. First, a little background if you’re unfamiliar with the HIStory franchise. HIStory is a series of unrelated BL stories. The first season had three hour-long specials. The second series got more ambitious. There are two different stories, each spanning four full-length episodes. Finally, by the time they reached the third iteration, the franchise had grown so popular that both of the series, Trapped and Make Our Days Count, were 10 full-length episodes. (Well, or 20 small episodes that were then condensed down to 10 larger ones, but semantics.)

If you’re interested, the HIStory series is available, in the US at least, on the website viki. It is a subscription site, but it gives you access to thousands of Asian dramas, including this series and South Korean BLs like Where Our Eyes Linger and Mr. Heart.  

HIStory3: Trapped is a story about a mobster and the police officers pursuing him. But since this is BL, the mob boss has a heart of gold and is trying to reform the gang so that he and his ‘family’ can get out of the drug business and go legit. Meanwhile, the police officers are on the hunt for answers about a four year old incident that killed one of their own, but they are, err...not super effective. 

Look, you just have to roll with the fact that this story is extremely lax about police protocol and the reality of being in the mob. It’s a set up for enemies-to-lovers and intense UST and that’s it. The police chief and other higher ups have no problem with one of their officers dating a well known mob boss who is suspected of killing a fellow police officer, for instance. So why should we? Just roll with it, ok? Roll like a bowling ball, where the pins at the end of the alley are super hot UST, pining, hurt/comfort, jealousy and bed scenes. 

The mob boss in question is Tang Yi. 

Since the death of his adopted father, he’s taken over the Tang operation and is dedicating himself to avenging his father’s murder and also following his father’s dream of legitimizing their company so that their family can be safe. He is...I mean. He’s gorgeous. Just, like, super super super hot. He is outwardly unflappable (unless you poke the bruise of his father’s death), dresses impeccably, and kills with these knowing smirks that get me every time.

His life is made very complicated by officer Meng Shao Fei, who has been obsessively following him around for years. The same incident that killed Master Tang and injured Tang Yi also killed his police mentor, and Shao Fei is certain that Tang Yi had something to do with it. 

Shao Fei is impulsive and as straight forward as Tang Yi is oblique and mysterious. It’s clear early on that Shao Fei’s pursuit of Tang Yi is fueled in part by his attraction to him. Tang Yi can see this as well, and he uses Shao Fei’s crush to his advantage, ratcheting up the sexual tension to nearly unbearable heights in the early episodes and purposely provoking Shao Fei’s quick jealousy.

The jealousy is what brings this show’s rating down the half-point. Shao Fei is so transparent about his jealousy that it becomes uncomfortable to watch. I was cringing with secondhand embarrassment through a lot of the early episodes. However, that honest emotion works well for him once he figures out what he wants from Tang Yi.

This relationship has a TON of hurt/comfort for those of you interested in that particular trope. For Shao Fei, it’s physical h/c. The guy can’t stop getting hurt, and we get to see a lot of Tang Yi worried about him. For Tang Yi, though, it’s emotional h/c as he deals with the psychological fallout from watching his father die. 

You might hear mob boss/police officer and think of, I don’t know, The Sopranos, or some other serious, dramatic show. While this story does have its dramatic moments, it is largely romantic and comedic in tone. 

The plot surrounding the mystery of that mass murder four years earlier keeps things chugging along and takes some interesting turns, but the focus of the show is very much on the couples.

The main side pairing of the show is between Jack, Tang Yi’s right hand man, and Zhao Zi, another police officer and Meng Shao Fei’s best friend. This pairing is pure fluff from beginning to end. It’s where a lot of the comedy comes, and the two of them are absolutely delightful together.

The contrast set up by Jack’s dark, dangerous personality when he’s doing his job and his sweetness towards Zhao Zi is entertaining. He’s often seen idly flicking a switchblade and smiling in a way that makes it clear he has no problem using it. And then, on the other hand, he prepares Zhao Zi bento boxes and texts him cute bear stickers to make him laugh. 

Neither of these sides of Jack seem fake. They’re both just part of who he is, and Zhao Zi gets the warm, domestic Jack, while the rest of the world gets the ruthless, efficient Jack.

Again, you might be asking yourself: isn’t it weird that a leather-wearing gang member who was recently arrested by that very police team could stroll into the station and hand an officer a homemade lunch and no one cares? And to that, I say, roll with it like you’re in one of those giant orb things and HIStory3: Trapped has just pushed you down a hill.

The character of Zhao Zi is adorable, naive and almost childlike. He looks like someone who has never even held a gun in his life, never mind actually shot one. That makes it pretty funny that he became a police officer. It seems to be implied that Zhao Zi is more of a tech / research guy than a field officer, but anyway, we’re rolling with it, so it’s fine.

He’s completely blindsided by Jack’s interest in him, but is easily won over through snacks, home cooked meals, and Jack’s genuine interest in Zhao Zi’s stories about his beloved, dead grandmother. 

The other side pairing in this series is between Tang Yi’s adopted sister Zuo Hong Ye, who runs the legitimate side of the company, and their assistant, Dao Yi. Dao Yi is loyal to the Tang family, and is much older than Hong Ye. He has been her bodyguard since she was adopted by Master Tang, which makes his romantic feelings very uncomfortable for him.

Some people didn’t like this pairing, but I got into it by the end. The problem is that Hong Ye starts off seeming pretty unlikable, because she’s rude to our protagonist, Shao Fei. But then you realize that she’s doing it to protect Tang Yi from the police officer she thinks is gunning for him. 

There may be a large age difference between the characters, but the actual actors are very close in age, so that part of the story line comes off a little weird. But I found them an engaging couple, in particular Dao Yi’s stoic pining for Hong Ye. 

In conclusion: watch this series! It’s great! The bed scenes are hot, the characters are well drawn, the acting is good, the story is interesting. Big recommendation.

And if you’re interested in fanfic, I put together rec lists for multiple BL shows including this one that can be found here and here. 

MASTERLIST OF BL SHOW REVIEWS

(Send me an ask if you have a show you’d like me to review - with the understanding that I will be completely honest - or if there’s anything you think I forgot or got wrong in this review.)

[shoujolover-666]

Bloody Promise

Link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19838506

Summary:

A new Pureblood Vampire joins the Night Class.

Fandoms: HypMic and Vampire Knight

The moonlight shone through the window of the building, illuminating the classroom that was full of people. Each of them wore a white uniform, each of them beautiful in their own way. Whispers filled the silence of the room, the atmosphere was restless. In the front row, away from all the gossip, sat a man with shoulder long, brown hair and red-brown eyes. A book was in his hand, his demeanor and the air around him calm like the night itself. At the seat beside of him sat a man whose hair was blond and whose eyes had the intensity of emeralds, a worried gaze adorning his face.

“What’s wrong, Takuma?”

His silky voice echoed through the room, stopping everyone else from talking. Eyes were pointed at him, giving the man their full attention. The brunette wasn’t disturbed though, being used to it since he could think for himself. He put his book down, turning his head to the man, who took a look at the clock.

“Another Pureblood Vampire is supposed to join our class. Do you know, when he is going to arrive, Kaname?”

That was the reason for the uneasiness the vampires had. A Pureblood was rare, strong, the kings and queens in their world. They were the ones supposed to rule and lead them. Kaname was their leader, so what would happen, if another one joined them? Would they create chaos and try to overthrow their king? Or would they be docile and collected, trying to stay as undetectes as possible? Many of the noble vampires were curious. What kind of personality would they have? Before Kaname was able to answer his friends question, the door of the classroom was pushed open with a bang. A flash of pink entered the room, their minty coloured eyes gleaming with a spark of mischief as he strode over to the table of the dark haired vampire, taking a seat on it and leaning down to get on his level. His legs were swinging back and forth, a lollipop stuck between his lips that sported a grin. He took the candy out of his mouth and grabbed the others chin with his free hand, tilting his head so he could take a better look.

“How pretty. I may or may not ask you to be my model in the future~.”

A second later, the pinkette stood in front of the class, flashing a bright smile at the other vampires. Their eyes turned red for treating their leader with that much disrespect. Any lesser man would be intimidated by that sight, but the newcomer was completely unaffected.

“My name is Amemura Ramuda, designer and Pureblood extraordinaire~.”

His voice was sweet, sugary, almost dripping like honey. It was almost sickly sweet, underlining his cute and childlike appearance. If there wasn’t the pure power that radiated of him, nothing would have indicated, that he was just as powerful as their king. The whole room was quiet, most of them not sure, how to interact with a person like him. Even Hanabusa and Takuma weren’t that quirky, and they were already quite difficult to handle from time to time.

“Amemura-Kun, is that you?”

A surprised tone came from the direction of the door. Two vampires stood there. One was a slender girl with straight, orange hair that were tied in two pigtails and big, cerulean coloured eyes. The other was a boy with pale skin, mahogany coloured hair and his eyes had a blue tinted hue. Both of them seem to know the pinkette, something that surprised the people who already were in the classroom before they came.

________________________________________________________________________

His grin turned wider as he stormed over to them, knocking both of them to the ground with a hug.

Who would have thought that both of his favourite models would be his classmates? Both of the aristocrats were people, who he worked with in the past. They were a delight to work with, none of them bitching around about not wanting to wear certain pieces of clothes and acting like real professionals. In return, both of them seemed to like his designs, for they liked to request buying clothes from his collection, especially the girl, Rima Touya.

“It’s none other than me, the one who is beloved by all, ‘easy r’ at your service~. I missed the both of you, when are you going to work with me again, Rima-Chan? Senri-Chan?”

He was better known by his stage name. Some of the people in the room seemed to recognize him now, for excited murmur was heard through the room. It seemed like his designs were even more popular than he first thought. Others were wondering, how the both of them didn’t seem to know, that someone they worked with were about to join their class.

“Whenever our manager gives us the next job.”

Senris voice was as calm as ever, the other seemed like as if he was about to fall asleep any moment now. The sound of a loud clap resounded through the room before they could continue their talk. Kaname was standing, his aura authoritative as he looked at the Pureblood Vampire, his smile composed but cool.

“We all should calm down and take a seat. Yagari-Sensei is here, and he seems to have a colleague with him.”

At the teachers desk stood two men, both of them silent until everyone else stopped talking.

Yagari was the one with long, wavy, jet-black hair and a blue eyes. He was tall, wore a cowboy hat and a black coat, his hands were covered by black gloves.

The other man was just as tall, his lavender coloured hair straight and flowing down his back while his eyes gleamed blue. A white laboratory coat was his choice of clothes, and he was also wearing gloves, his colour of choice was white.

“Who would have thought, that we would see each other again like that, Jinguji Jakurai?”

Ramudas deep voice rang through the room, he was almost growling, surprising everyone except the one whose name was Jakurai. In an blink of an eye, the designer stood on the table, towering over the man who he was already more than acquainted with. Fingers grabbing his hair with a tight grip, a feral grin covering his lips. His lollipop cracked, crunched between his sharp teeth.

Oh how ironic it was to see the man again at this kind of place.

The human wasn’t concerned though, not at all.

Instead of cowering in fear, the man looked at him with calm eyes. This calmness, this composure… oh how he wanted to ram his teeth into his neck, rip it apart, gulp down his blood and make him his slave, his pet. His own, little Level E vampire. Make him beg to drink from him, to save him from the insanity that consumed the mind of every single End Level Vampire one day.

Before he was able to let his instincts go wild, the sound of a cocked pistol stopped him from doing so. It seemed like the Hunter was not happy with that situation.

“Take your hands off him, Pureblood.”

His finger slightly loosened, and the grin that resembled that of a carnivore disappeared of his face. What was left was a cheerful smile as the other jumped from the desk with a flourish.

“How mean, I just wanted to play a little~.”

He sounded cheerful, his voice high and sweet again. There was no trace left of the violent urge he had just a second ago. Ramuda felt that all eyes were on him, everyone of them curious, wanting to know what kind of past the two of them had. Even Kuran seemed to be interested in their relationship. Maybe it reminded him of someone else?

Not that it really mattered to the pinkette. By now, he was sitting at a free seat, supporting his head on his head. Everyone else slowly started to get to their own seats when they noticed, that the situation won’t escalate any further with the hunter in the room.

“Amemura-San already told you my name, so there is no need to repeat it. I am going to be your Biology and Science teacher in the future. Hopefully, we will get along nicely. If you have any questions to anything, please feel free to ask me.”

Oh how the other dared, not to look at him. To not give him the attention he deserved. To ignore what happened between them. He gritted his teeth for a second, before he put on his mask again. Jakurai will regret it, he would make sure of that.

His eyes wandered over to Kuran, who looked at him with a warning glance. That look made him giggle and he winked at him, it was cute to see how the ‘King’ tried to chide him.

How amusing.

Too bad that he was a ‘King’ himself.

A ‘King’, who had his eyes set on his prey.

If the other dared to get in his way, he wouldn’t mind ruining the plans he had for that human girl, who he seemed to cherish so much. It wasn’t a secret, that Yuki Cross was dear to him. Anyone who bothered to research for one minute would know that much. She was your typical naive human girl who thought, that humans and vampires could live together peacefully.

Someone, who had no appeal in his eyes whatsoever, but he didn’t mind playing with her if it meant to get back at the brunette vampire.

He giggled silently behind his hand, ignoring the stares he got for that action.

His attention was was caught by the teachers deep, smooth voice as he started class. Jakurais long, thin fingers glided over the pages, his look concentrated as he spoke about genetics or something like that.

Ramuda watched every single move the other made, his view locked on the tall mans face.

How pretty would he look underneath him, silken lips red from being bitten raw, tears gathered at the corners of his eyes. Hair fanned out, inviting him to pull on it.

The pinkette licked his lips, looking forward to unravel the former doctor completely and make him lose himself.

His obsession was deep, and his love dark. A vampires ‘affection’ came with a cost, and Jinguji Jakurai was a victim of it.

A victim who had no say on whether he wants to be loved like this or not.

This would be his own bloody promise to him.

[neshabeingchildish]

10. Swellview Stats

So, I decided to do a little more Charlotte’s inner thoughts in this chapter. I know I did a touch here and there last chapter, but more in this one. It’s in Italics. Edit: You may have missed Ch. 9, because its an audio post instead of a text post. So, you’ll have to read that one before this one. It don’t look like the other ones.

Swellview Stats

Swellview might as well be a Utopia for simple minded individuals and intellects who gave up being competitive in the wide world. We have some of the safest neighborhoods, because of a couple of reasons. One of them is the Man Team. The other is the fact that our villains are stupid. Honestly, our townsfolk are stupid, too. There's probably a handful of brain cells in Swellview that get lent around for convenience, and a select few absolute geniuses who just got stuck here because they were born here and staying was too easy. I can't be one of those geniuses. The last time there was a murder in Swellview was like 35 years ago and it was accidental. There are often injuries as a result of chaotic driving or Captain Man goofing up a rescue, but statically, Swellview is a safe and comfortable place. Do I love safety? Yes. Do I love comfort? More than anyone I know! Can I settle for being the best in my field when my counterparts would never even rank in the country? Why would I? 

I'm Charlotte Page. I aspire to be Dr. Charlotte Page, a Renaissance woman who specializes in every letter of STEAM, focusing on biomedical engineering… she looked at her boyfriend, shoving oversized eggs into his mouth while the rest of the guys counted, "8,9.." she got up, shaking her head and left the table.

She already had a dozen acceptance letters for colleges, was already taking some courses and had finished a couple of programs via Swellview University while she was in school. She had all of her graduation credits last year. She was going to graduate early, but decided to just get additional high school transcripts dings, and start college low-key, to transition a little better afterwards. 

Besides, her work in the Man Cave was excellent practice for the work that she would be doing in her near future. She was thinking by 21, she'd have her first degree and probably be able to design electrical circuits, software to run medical equipment, or computer simulations to test new drug therapies. She'd want to try out a tech position at a renowned lab, but might have to settle for something more subtle because she'd still be working on her education, too.

By 23, she should be able to finally make a move towards the lab of her choice with the previous lab work experience and her highest degree completed."Hey, Charlotte! Jasper just stuffed 12 eggs into his mouth!" Henry bragged and stuck his tongue out laughing. "Then he swallowed them whole!"

"What?" She asked turning to the table again.

"Just gulped 'em down his gullet!" Ray cheered.

"Jasper?" Charlotte fussed. "You KNOW that eating that many boiled eggs will give you painful gas!"

Jasper said to the guys at the table, "Hey. How many farts you guys think I'll make when these eggs give me gas?" They started giving out numbers.

Charlotte folded her arms and glared at him, shaking her head. Henry was grateful HE wasn't the one getting the look this time. In fact, those looks seemed to be reserved for her boyfriend these past few weeks. She definitely loved him. Henry knew she did, because why else on Earth would that match even take place. But, he also realized that she had buttons. Buttons that Jasper pushed with childlike wonder, with enthusiasm that seemed to ask, "What does this one do?" Henry offered some intervention in saying, "Charlotte, you are dating a legend. A Man Cave legend. Nobody makes stats like Jasp does in this place."

"And what are these stats good for?" She asked Henry.

Ray intercepted, "Allow me." He grabbed a remote control and pressed a button, which revealed a chart of really stupid things (like how many punches in the belly you can take), and a points system. Jasper was in the lead. She was in last place..  in a contest that she didn't even know could happen, with points mainly for dodging certain death during Ray's irresponsible tantrums or something. "Yes, stare in awe," Ray told her.

"Awe is definitely a word," she said. She sighed, shook her head and said, "I'm going up into the store, before the gas and fart counting begins…" She heard a loud noise and saw Henry's distorted face.

Ray cheered, "Too late." And she was gone. Up the tube gone. She wasn't even gonna stay at work if this is what they were doing with their time. 

Jasper was really sweet. Whenever it was the two of them, she was the only person in the world. Whenever they were with their friends, he was still sweet, but… they brought out the oaf in him. Now… as a friend of all of these people, she couldn't be too judgy. And nobody MADE her say yes to Jasper. She just wished that his best round of friends weren't.. this.

She was thinking about the upcoming college years and he was literally making a game out of his flatulence. The most frustrating thing about that was that Jasper isn't even a fart humor type person! He finds that gross and childish!! But, whenever it's the guys, he's onboard for childish shenanigans. Unless he's pretending to be more mature when he's with her. Then, that's false advertising, and she'd feel bamboozled. BUT then, if THAT was the case..  she would have to admit to being outsmarted by JASPER! Charlotte let out an aggravated squeal and frightened a lady and her dog walking by. They went to the other side of the street and she kept going, feeling awkward. 

Piper was home, so she stopped by. "Hey… I wanted to vent to someone about Jasper…"

Piper raised her palm and said, "Let me give you a little disclaimer. Whatever it is that you have to say, my perpetual thought will be, "What did you expect when you started going out with Jasper?"

"Fair enough. Can I begin?" Piper sat down and Charlotte joined her on the couch. "So.. I know that Jasper's a little bit offbeat."

"What an understatement."

"He's honestly not as stupid as people think. He's very good at listening. He is insightful when it comes to interpersonal relationships. He gives excellent pep talks and sometimes pretty good advice, if he understands all of the details. He's an honest, loyal, and caring friend and has been a very thoughtful boyfriend."

"So, this is gushing and not venting? Balls." Piper flopped back, prepared to listen to Jasper praise that she didn't ask for.

"No. That was the good stuff that I have to get out of the way before I complain to him about what I can't stand, unless I want to see him cry!"

"You.. say all of that before you get to your point? And he listens?"

"Jasper feeds off of compliments. They open him up fully and then you can slide in the complaints. Only thing is that I knew he was the guy that he is and it's not fair to expect him to change, but.. Shouldn't he want to? Wouldn't you rather do anything else in the world than count farts with your friends, when you have an awesome girlfriend who's also around?"

"I would rather do anything else if I was as lonely as an old lady in a house thought to be haunted. But, I'm not Jasper. And like you said, you knew he was an idiot from the moment he first opened his mouth. We all did. I knew he was an idiot from the moment my memory formed as a toddler and he was at our house in all his stupid glory."

"But he's not stupid! That's the problem. He's ignorant about a lot. He's naive. He doesn't always think things through. But… have you ever seen him plan something out for a date? Or heard him talk to a little kid? Jasper is definitely unique, but I think he could do anything he puts his mind to. I just wish he'd put his mind to things that matter."

"Do you ever suggest these things?"

"Yeah, but I can't control him!"

Piper laughed, "Oh, Charlotte. I keep forgetting that this is your first boyfriend. Of course you can control him. Jasper is… what's a word that you won't refute?... Impressionable. Make better impressions. Lemme see your phone."

Charlotte reluctantly handed it over and Piper read out loud as she typed, "Shame that you didn't want to hang with me today. Gonna have to pick out new undies by myself. Sad face emoji."

"What?"

"Send."

"WHAT?"

Piper held a hand up to her, then pointed to the phone to show her Jasper was typing. "I would chop off the entire bottom half of my body to be included in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Too late. But, hope that the fart counting went well. Maybe, if you're more considerate later, I'll text you pix of my choices."

"Don't send that!"

"Send."

Charlotte snatched her phone from Piper, but Piper bent over her to see Jasper's next response, "Okay… I didn't mean to be inconsiderate? Next time, I'll check to see if you need anything from me before being stupid with the guys all day." Charlotte shook her head and said, "That's unfair to play him like that."

"Are you mad at me, Babe?" Jasper wondered.

Charlotte: No. That was Piper. I let her see my phone.

Jasper: Ok… but… did you tell her that stuff about me?

Charlotte: I said some things, but…He called. She groaned and answered, "Hey. Sorry about that…"

"Hey… if I'm doing something wrong, you can just tell me. You don't have to go to Piper."

"I came here just to vent."

"About me?"

"A little."

"Vent to me. Tell me what's wrong." She began to give out her list of compliments, but he cut her off, "Charlotte. I said tell me what's wrong. I know that you like and respect me. There's no other reason that you'd date me. What's your beef, though? What did you have to vent about?"

She sighed and laid on the couch as she talked. Piper hung around, listening to the end of the chat as she used her own cell phone. "I just feel like you would rather be doing senseless things with the guys at work than anything with me."

"I feel like I do a lot with you and that I've hardly hung out with them in the past few weeks, but I'll try to be more mindful about things. I don't want you having to vent about me."

"I… shouldn't have said anything."

"How else could I know? I'm not intuitive." She frowned. "Hey, pretty girl. Smile. Don't stress about it. You didn't say yes to a caveman. I just like to relax with my bros sometimes and that can't change. You smiling?"

"Yeah," she lied.

"No you're not. That's not your smiling voice."

Now, she was smiling, "Thought you said you weren't intuitive."

"There it is!" He cheered. "I'm not intuitive. I just really know you. Not enough to read your mind, but enough to hear that smile."

She smiled even wider and said, "You irritate me."

"Maybe. But not right now. Otherwise, you wouldn't be smiling so much." They both held the phone a while and Jasper asked in a low, soft voice, "You love me, right?"

"I've never said that," she said.

"That wasn't a no!" He said and she could swear… she could swear that she could hear him smiling. "I love you too." He hung up the phone and she nudged Piper with her foot.

"You're welcome," Piper said.

.

Swellview is not so much "Home Sweet Home" as it is, a safe place with sweet people that you could get used to. Crime rates are fairly high, but the crimes are pretty safe. The news is hilarious. You can just walk right into a friend's home and their door is probably open, and their family probably treats you like you're a part of theirs. It's a good place to meet the love of your life, even. Maybe not so much to stay there with them, though. I don't know how to ask Jasper what's going to happen when we graduate. I don't know how to even suggest that he come with me. I have no idea if he'll even want something more than Swellview. I have no idea if he thinks that I'm something more than Swellview.