#also half of these are stills that aren't quite what appears in the movie!!!

[wildsaltair]

a few pictures of Russell and Bridget that have made my brain go on a permanent vacation

[thethirdromana]

Some Beetle covers, assessed

This book is about a beetle

A good two-thirds of Beetle covers take this approach, including the first edition on the left. And you know what, I can't fault it. This book sure does have a beetle in it. Bonus points for the middle one that draws on the hypnosis theme by making the beetle look like a brain.

Maybe an Egyptian beetle?

This is essentially the same approach, but more Egyptian, which I think looks very stylish. Given late Victorian Egyptomania, I'm surprised there aren't more like this. I could imagine a luxury edition with lots of gold really making this concept work.

Specifically involving a woman with a beetle on her forehead

This is an arresting image that's also sort-of justified by events in the book. It took me forever to realise what it reminded me of, and it's of course the poster for the Silence of the Lambs, which postdates both of these covers by about half a century. These are two quite sulky-looking Marjories, but perhaps that's the effect of hypnosis.

The cover illustrator read the book!

Given these covers minus the title, I think I would still have a solid chance of guessing which book they were for. The blue cover is the fully illustrated version. But actually, I think my favourite on this theme is redhaired Marjorie being menaced by the Beetle while Sydney tiptoes over in evening dress, both looking they could be in the opening credits of a Bond movie.

The cover illustrator didn't read the book

A very small part of the novel takes place in a railway station. None of it takes place in a cemetery, nor does it involve a hermit studying anatomy. With the whole world of royalty-free images of beetles to choose from, how does anyone land on any of these?

The cover illustrator really, really didn't read the book

Here we have the Beetle as represented by some Taiwanese houses, as True Blood, and as a picture that I vaguely recognise but where the image is so fried I can't even google it to check. At least the previous three had semi-appropriate spooky London vibes; these appear to be entirely random.

How about a bonus subtitle?

The first one here is clearly the weakest of the three, since it just features a picture of Richard Marsh's face, but is redeemed by choosing possibly the most metal line in the novel as its subtitle. I love both of the latter two, with a special mention to the illustrator of the middle one for actually depicting the Beetle's human form as described in the Beetle while also minimising the elements of racist caricature. No mean feat.

The cover illustrator understood the assignment

When I wrote something similar to this about Dracula covers, I was quite critical of the illustrators who decided to depict it as pulp horror. But it is so much more fitting for The Beetle. If you're drawn to buy Scantily Clad Woman Is Menaced By Giant Beetle, or Weirdly Green Man is Terrified of Mural, or even Rasputin And His Giant Beetle Spell, I feel like you genuinely might be the right audience for this terrible, terrible book.

[melanieph321]

Dominik Szoboszlai x Black Reader - Not Enough Part 4/6

+18

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Summary - Reader is excited to meet Dominik's parents but is shocked to find out that they are very prejudiced and do not approve of her.

Enjoy!

It was a dreadful night. As you tossed and turned, not all comfortable in the little room Dominik's family put you in, it hit you that this was probably the first in three years that you had sleep alone.

You couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness. You missed the familiarity of Dominik's presence, the way he would wrap his arms around you and pull you close. Now you hoped, no, prayed that Dominik in the other room was as miserable as you. How could he allow this, you thought. Was he that afraid to disrespect his parents?

"What a baby." You muttered, also coming to the conclusion that there was no comfortable sleeping positions in this bed. You might as well stay up.

Tossing the sheets aside, you got up and out of bed, the floor boards cracking underneath your feet.

"Such a old fucking house." You murmured. At this point you were angry at the world as you went to search through your bag.

"Yes, a good movie will do it..." You said, retrieving your laptop. Just then there was a light knock on the door, causing you to draw a sharp breath.

Knock knock

You had been to loud, you thought, standing frozen like a cat in the night, terrified to make a sound.

Knock knock

"Y/N, it's me."

"Dominik?"

The door handle yanked as he opened it. Your shoulders fell as he appeared in the frame, half naked wearing only his sweatpants.

His smoky eyes shifted to the laptop in your hand. "Couldn't sleep either?"

"No." You muttered. "And it's all your fault."

"My fault?" He said, voice low as not to wake up the rest of his family.

"Yes, your fault. You left me to sleep alone, knowing damn well that I don't know how to do that anymore."

Dominik shut the door behind him entering the room. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"What?" You said, quite tempted to slap him across the face for being such a dick to you.

"You missed me didn't you?"

"Pardon?"

He nodded. "You missed me and couldn't fall asleep without me by your side."

You crossed your arms. "So what?"

"So what?"

"Yeah, so what if I missed you? I'm still mad at you."

Dominik stepped forward, closing the gap between you. His hands went to wrap around your waist, claiming you to press your chin against his torso as you tilted your head up to meet his eyes.

"I'm here now aren't I? That means I missed you too." He said and bent down to kiss you. It was sweet at first,  his tounge dancing around yours. Then the kissed turned needy, his lips smacking against yours.

"Dominik." You gasped against his mouth. His tounge licked a crossed your bottom lip. "Yes, baby?"

You dropped your laptop, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Fuck me."

His arms went under your ass, lifting you up to wrap your legs around his waist. He did so never breaking up the kiss, at least not until he had your chest pressed against his, looking him deeply in the eyes. "With pleasure." He smield and moved to plot you down on the bed where he wasted no time stripping you of your clothes.

"Dominik please."

He didn't settle until he had you butt naked, laying under him with that complecant smile of yours.

"I have to leave in the morning." He said.

You nodded. "Then fuck me until morning."

He chuckled, but did not hesitate to pulll his pants down. There was no time for foreplay, you were horny like dogs. You sat up in bed and made the attempt to reach for his throbbing cock. However he slapped your hand away, causing you to whimper displeased.

"Turn around." He command.

You did what you were told, although the taste of his dick in your mouth would've also been nice.

"Ass up."

You tucked your knees in without raising your chest from the bed, that way Dominik had a perfect view of your....

"Fuck." He grunted, like a wolf about to tare up it's vunrable prey.

You felt a dip in the bed as he got on it. You anticipated his touch that came when he first place himself behind you, aligning his stiff cock with your butt hole, tugging at your hips.

"Wait." You weezed, quite surprised that he wanted your ass more than your glistering pussy.

"I didn't bring condoms." He explained, knowing exactly why you hesitated. "If it's too much for you we can do other things."

It would be a challenge without lubrication, still you shook your head and hid your face between the pillow. "Put it in!" You pleaded and held your breath as Dominik's grip on your hips tightened.

He showed himself into you and fucked you mercilessly. You were limb after five strokes, trembling all over.

"Stay with me, baby, say with me."

Dominik chest warmed your back as he leaned over to search for your hand. He grabbed it and guided it between your legs, wanting you to pleasure yourself while he got it on as well. You tried to match his pace but he was closer to collapsing than you.

"Fuuuckkkk." He groand. Inserting himself inside of you with one last sloppy stroke of his hips. Dominik then collapse on to of you but was quick to turn you over so that that he was the one on the bottom and you were the one on top.

Your heavy breaths filled the room as you came down from the high. The warmth liquid that was Dominik's cum still ran down your leg, however you didn't have the strangth to get up and clean yourself.

"Fuck that was good." He pulled your face to rest against chest, kissing the top of your head. "I'm sorry." He siad, ones again apologized for making you sleep apart. "I'll make it up to you tomorrow night as well. Just leave the door open like you did tonight, okay baby?"

You nodded. "Okay."

Truthfully you wanted to question why the two of you had to sleep apart in the first place. You were grown people in love, and Dominik's parents said that they liked you. Didn't they?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

[electronickingdomfox]

"The New Voyages" review

This one is actually a collection of short stories by fan authors, which makes the stories seem more like episodes of the series. It has also the distinct honor of being introduced by Roddenberry and most members of the cast. The stories are generally well-written and in character.

Some spoilers ahead:

Ni Var (by Claire Gabriel; intro by Nimoy) takes the plot of "The Enemy Within", but applied to Spock and the division between his Vulcan rational part, and his human emotional part. Besides the fact that I'm not sure such division works at that biological level, the two Spocks aren't all that different really. And it's not a very novel concept, specially right after a similar plot in previous book "Spock must die". But bonus points for Kirk giving the middle finger to his own reflection.

Intersection Point (by Juanita Coulson; intro by Doohan) is one of the best stories. The Enterprise is seriously crippled while navigating through an anomaly cloud, which is quickly contracting and threatens to crush the entire ship. Anyone who enters the cloud to retrieve a crucial component of the ship, is mentally destroyed by its eldritch qualities. Great tension and difficult choices.

The Enchanted Pool (by Marcia Ericson; intro by Nichols) is an attempt to write a fairy tale with Spock thrown in the middle for good measure. A bit of purple prose, and doesn't quite work. The resolution of the mistery is ingenous, even when convoluted.

Visit to a Weird Planet Revisited (by Ruth Berman; intro by Barrett) is actually the other half of a fanfic (Visit to a Weird Planet, not published here) where Kirk, Spock and Bones end up in the real world, right in the studio where they're filming Star Trek. Here instead, we follow the actors, who appear in the Enterprise and have to improvise to avert a danger. The other story was more fun, since Kirk and co. are more clumsy and hilarious in our world (being even "attacked" by fans), while the actors are just slightly less competent than their counterparts.

The Face on the Barroom Floor (by Eleanor Arnason and Ruth Berman; intro by Takei) is a really fun story. Kirk gets into a fight in a bar while in shore leave, is detained, teams up with a ratty thief, and crashes a party, while his crew search for him frantically. In the line of TOS best comedy-adventure episodes.

The Hunting (by Doris Beetem; intro by the editors) is a bit "meh". Spock goes into a Vulcan ritual which requires to mind-meld with a wild beast, and McCoy accompanies him. When Spock goes wild in the process, the good doctor has to hunt him and give him back his sanity. There could have been a more homoerotic fight between them, as in "Amok Time".

The Winged Dreamers (by Jennifer Guttridge; intro by Kelley) is another high point. The Enterprise crew falls under the influence of some creatures that make their fantasies seem real. So real that people can actually die if imagining the wrong thing. Spock is less affected, but slowly begins to hallucinate too, and the triumvirate fall into paranoia as neither they (nor the reader) can tell what's real and what's not anymore.

Mind-Sifter (by Shirley Maiewski; intro by Shatner) drags a bit at the beginning, when Kirk wakes up in a sanatory, his mind almost destroyed. It gets more interesting once Spock and McCoy start a quest to search for him. Great interactions between these two, reminiscent of "The Tholian Web".

After the eight stories there's still a little poem about Spock and Leila.

Spirk Meter: 10/10*. Not all stories are equally slashy, but the parts which do, are slashy in spades.

Ni Var has Kirk worrying about Spock all the time, and "human Spock" wondering if what he feels for the Captain is friendship... or love (something which happens too in one of Roddenberry's story concepts for a movie, around this time).

Intersection Point has a clear parallel between the anguish of a female crewmember, after a man (obviously her boyfriend) loses his mind in the anomaly, and Kirk agonizing once Spock has to enter the same anomaly.

The Enchanted Pool, where Spock refuses to kiss a beautiful female time and time again. Even when the woman assures him it's the only way to break a spell and escape. Even when Spock is doing far more dangerous things ALL THE TIME to solve problems. Of course, he considers the kiss a total waste of time once it doesn't work.

The Face on the Barroom Floor: Kirk is invited to a bar by McCoy and Sulu, who have found three women to pass the time, one for each. What does Kirk do? He gets out the bar two seconds later, puts on a samurai costume, and goes instead to a bar full of muscular, rowdy men, to get thrashed by them. Of course.

The Winged Dreamers has Spock wishing to stay on a planet with Kirk, just the two of them, for ever and ever. McCoy totally gets what's going on.

And I thought that Mind-Sifter would be about the love between a (quite unproffesional) nurse, and her mentally unstable patient, Kirk. But oh man, where do I even begin!? For starters, we have Kirk using his mind link with Spock to cry for help, across the galaxy and several centuries. And later he's concerned about how much can Spock read into his mind. Then we have McCoy informing the nurse that no, Kirk can't stay with her, because his love is his career and his... (trails off, having said too much). Gallant Spock carries an unconscious Kirk in his arms, and tells the nurse that, no matter how much she loves him, Kirk DOES NOT love her back (bitch!). If that wasn't enough, there's a lenghty conversation at the end, where Kirk almost melts in love and appreciation for Spock, and the Vulcan blushes at his own emotional display.

*A 10 in this scale is the most obvious spirk moments in TOS. Think of the back massage, "You make me believe in miracles", or "Amok Time" for example.

[phoenixwatchesmovies]

Dracula Season Watch Party: The Lost Boys (1987)

After moving to a new town, two brothers discover that the area is a haven for vampires. - Dir. Joel Schumacher

Let's get one thing straight: this movie isn't. Stick a pin in that because we'll get back to that in due time.

In that case, though, WHERE DO I START? This is a fucking great movie and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise. (I didn't say you have to like it. Quality is objective and personal taste is not. Go forth with that nugget of wisdom.)

Starting at the beginning, then, we get one of the best movie themes ever written (as evidenced by the amount of covers that exist), some of my favorite establishing shots ever filmed, and the character entrance that made me say out loud, "OH SHIT 👀"

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN. As the top comment on the video says, "you know it's awesome when you click just to watch the opening."

The entire movie is like that, TBH. It's almost as quotable as The Princess Bride Thee Greatest Movie Ever Made, and is matched only by The Shining for scenes I'll just watch on their own because I love them that much. Like this one, for instance, that I'm linking because I'm going to bring it up again later:

^^ the music, the camera, the lighting, the transition from the headlights to the lighthouse... It's so good...

Other great music moments include the "People Are Strange" montage of slice-of-life style clips of folks going about their day in Santa Carla intercut with all the posters of missing people hung up around the boardwalk, "I Still Believe" featuring Tim Cappello, Tina Turner's former saxophone player, "Walk This Way" as the boys close in on the surfers on the beach, and ENDLESS uses of "Cry Little Sister."

Brief moment to talk about the Emerson family dynamic. Script, performances, and direction all work together in all the best ways so you never doubt how much they care about each other, or how far they'll go for each other. You can argue for family being one of the core themes of the story, whether it's the one you're born into or the one you're...well, born in a sense, into. Either way, it's about the bonds you make, be it for a lifetime or an eternity.

Grandpa gets his own bullet for being such an icon, and for having the absolute #1 best last line of a movie in history. We waited an hour and a half for the punchline of a joke we didn't even notice we were being told. 🫡

Suppose I'll move onto the Frog brothers. Their antics are where most of the comedy comes from, and if there's one thing I have a problem with in this movie, it's the way the two halves don't quite fit together. Michael and David and Co. work on their own as an edgy, stylish, coming-of-age story. Sam and the Frog brothers are the most obvious giveaway that the original concept was something a bit more similar to The Goonies. And it's probably because I like the vampires a lot more, but the kids just aren't that interesting. They're funny and necessary, but I'm not as invested in what they're doing.

Which brings us back to the Lost Boys themselves. The name is a deliberate reference to Peter Pan, and that's where the tragedy of the whole thing comes in. Screenwriter James Jeremias, after reading Interview With The Vampire and the character Claudia in particular, ran with the idea that the reason Peter and his gang never grow up is because they're vampires (which came first, this movie, or the theory that Peter and Co. are the souls of dead children?). You can see that influence throughout the story, and apparently David and the boys were meant to contrast with Michael in the way they represent adolescence, given they're eternal teenagers.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I don't get that very much. I'm sure it's there, but in terms of x vs y, the vampires and the Frog brothers have always stood out more to me. Compare the two kids trying so hard to appear grown up (Edgar even puts on a deep voice that fools no one) and the four kids who will literally never grow up.

I also called this a tragedy, at least as far as the boys are concerned. What else could it be, being a horror movie, but you watch scenes like the bike ride and it's fun and exciting and you understand what Schumacher is going for. They're alive and living in the moment, free in the way only kids seem to be. As you learn what they are, you realize that, for them, at least, this freedom is forever. Life will always be one big party going from one thrill to the next. The tag line is literally "never grow old, never die." And only one of those is true by the end of the movie. The gut punch about David's death (aside from the fact that he dies at all, what can I say, I'm obsessed with him) is that he doesn't go out like the others do, with blood and melting flesh and explosions. He just...dies, as that child choir kicks in one last time, and you see him for what he always was--a dead kid.

In conversation with tragedy is the theme of monsterhood as a whole. When Michael is faced with the reality of what his new friends are and what he himself is becoming, David has this to say: "You'll never grow old, Michael, and you'll never die. But you must feed." Spoken after the vampires have slaughtered half a dozen beach bums, we have the cost of immortality underlined for us. We've also seen Michael struggle against his new nature when he nearly attacked his own brother earlier in the movie, and it's not like he chose to go after Sam because he's evil. It's instinct. Hunger. A matter of survival. We see him alternatively warning Sam to stay away from him and pleading for help to stop what's happening to him because he doesn't want to become a monster, a killer like David. And that's what makes David and the rest of the boys the antagonists, because their survival depends on killing and feeding on other people, but that's all they're doing, is surviving according to their nature. That's the tragedy of monsterhood.

Along with the realization that someone had to have done that to these kids. Someone chose to make them what they are, and that's the real evil of the story.

And speaking of Max, I appreciate the fake-out approach to revealing him as the real Big Bad. It's very Scream, where you were pretty sure it was Billy the whole time but there was that one scene that threw a temporary wrench in your theory. But Star's line about Max being a secret David was protecting comes out of nowhere in a way that feels like there was a bit more context for it initially, but it never made the final cut.

Which leads me to my other gripe. The pacing and timeline don't seem to be in obvious cooperation. Again, it feels like more was there at one point, but transitional scenes were left out, so it's hard to tell how much time passes between the Emersons moving to Santa Carla and the final showdown. Things could either happen very quickly in which case the escalation is on a level with Romeo and Juliet, or it's more spaced out and the space isn't apparent. And I'm leaning towards the "spaced out" approach.

Now. Allow me a few more indulgent moments, because we gotta talk about David.

Look at him.

LOOK AGAIN.

Istg, he stepped around the bend of that merry-go-round and I said, out loud, with words, "oh shit." I had a crisis for days afterward due to the gender envy. I STILL don't know if I want him or if I want to be him. (I'm too fond of my hair as it is to even think about whether or not I'm brave enough for a bleached mullet, so at least I don't really have to think too hard about the answer.) All this to say, can you really blame Michael? One look at this guy and I didn't know what kind of egg joke I wanted to make, so I'm not surprised our boy Mike was trying so hard to fit into this group.

(Yes, you're correct, I'm circling back to my opening statement.)

You can read this as straight up, pun slightly intended, guys being dudes and Michael just wanting to be accepted by the local cool kids. Makes sense, really. They are cool. He's the new kid in town, and that folds right into the usual coming of age narrative with finding your place in the world along with discovering your own identity, etc etc. But if that's the case, then why all the long, frequent, intense eye contact?

@verified-villain-fxcker gets it. 🥂

Look, I'm sure if you tried hard enough to find a heterosexual explanation for the homoerotic tension I'm seeing, you could. But you're on this site, browsing the tag for this movie, so do you really want to? I've got a whole thesis statement on how Schumacher being a gay man/identity influencing one's art/motorcycle clubs being part of queer culture rattling around somewhere in my head, but to keep mostly on topic, I'm sticking with this: part of the coming of age story is discovering your identity, which includes your sexuality. Therefore, it's hardly a stretch to say this is a movie about gay awakening as much as anything else and that Michael Emerson is a disaster bisexual. Of course I'm not the first person to see it that way, but Pride Month is almost over. What else was I going to end on?

He's queer, your honor. Happy Pride. 🏳️‍🌈

[gaiaxygang]

The Too-Long PerthChimon Review: Part 1

In this part, I will be covering the three (!) shows both Perth and Chimon were in. One is a non-BL where their characters do not interact, but the other two (which you've probably watched, if you're reading this) are BLs and feature them as a couple!

(I segmented them for readability. If there's a better way to do it please lmk oops)

Please… Siang Riak Winyan aka Please… Soul Call

I only watched 4 episodes, because that was all that was available with subtitles. The other two are online somewhere, but I wasn't very inclined to continue.

'Please' is a short horror series where Win (Chimon) and his classmates encounter… ghosts, or something. I don't remember much about this one, if I'm being honest. They accidentally contact some ghosts in a school bathroom and they suffer because of it for 6 episodes. It's not particularly memorable, and the horror elements weren't super good but I am willing to cut it some slack in that aspect.

-

What I did find interesting is Perth's character, Breeze. Breeze is a transfer student who is later revealed to be the younger half-brother of another character, Be. The two aren't close, but their interactions in the show are quite heartfelt.

However, this whole half-siblings subplot kind of comes out of nowhere…? And neither does it really lead anywhere. Be and Breeze aren't part of the main friend group in Please, and don't have much importance outside of this.

The only purpose this storyline serves is to explain the origins of the main ghost that's been haunting Win and friends (this is an assumption. I did not watch episodes 5 and 6 but it's heavily implied in the earlier episodes so I will stick with it).

-

Please is rather unremarkable as a series, but as an actor fan it really makes me want to claw at the walls.

First, this is where PerthChimon met. They've mentioned talking a little at the workshops in some of their interviews.

Second, this is Perth's first TV series as well as Chimon's first lead role in a series (he was the lead of a movie I'll discuss in another part).

Third, this series is likely where director New Siwaj started picking favourite actors. Alongside Perth, Mark Siwat and Sood Yacht (I am so sorry if I got his name wrong I'm not familiar with him) are also in this series. The three of them would get cast in Love By Chance not long after, with Perth and Yacht appearing in several of New's shows after that.

Lastly, Perth and Mark Siwat (who plays Be) became friends on this set! Mark was Perth's first friend in the industry, and they're still good friends now as far as I know. I enjoyed watching them work together, but I'll get into that more when I talk about The Stranded. This paragraph is already longer than it should be.

Never Let Me Go

This is a show I have opinions that I struggle to put into words about. Never Let Me Go is a series about the heir to a prestigious family, Nuengdiao, and the bodyguard assigned to him after his father is shot and killed, Palm. Perth plays Nuengdiao's cousin Chopper, while Chimon plays Ben, a classmate of theirs.

-

I did not like this show. The storyline is messy at times, the characters (with the exception of Chopper) are often underwhelming and don't reach their full potential.

It has an interesting premise, but fails to deliver at almost every turn after the first few episodes. I will be focusing on Chopper and Ben but one thing I particularly disliked about Palm and Nueng is that Palm is a very bland character.

We never learn much about him beyond his protectiveness and his existence as The Love Interest, and he lacks a distinct personality. This is a problem with Mork in Fish Upon The Sky as well (sorry Pond) but it's more noticable in NLMG due to it's more serious tone, which requires better developed characters than a romcom like FUTS would.

-

There were some things I enjoyed about the show! It's very nice to look at. The visuals are good! The cast being pretty also helps. I loved Perth's performance as Chopper, it is by far the strongest performance in the cast.

It's not that the rest of them are bad actors, rather strong actors like Chimon and Pawin were dragged down because they aren't given very much to work with. When good actors are given subpar scripts or underdeveloped characters, they'll try their best but their performance will Not be as good!!! Which is unfortunate.

-

Chopper is the only well-rounded character in this series. I assume there were rewrites along the way, since Chopper is quite different from the novel that was written alongside the series and ChopperBen were likely added in only after Perth joined the cast, to promote PerthChimon before Dangerous Romance. I personally have a soft spot for Ben (I have a big gay crush on Chimon) but Chopper is my favourite character overall in NLMG.

NLMG feels very much like a PG-13 Kinnporsche that misses everything that made KP… well, KP. This is probably a coincidence but I watched them one after another so NLMG's flaws were more obvious to me. By episode 12 I was only watching for ChopperBen and I had no interest in PalmNueng, which rarely happens even if I favour the side pair. NLMG just feels lacking in many ways, to the point where I enjoyed FUTS more (despite being equally bad) just because it's funny.

-

There are a few things I wished the series took from the novel. The ChopperBen epilogue set shortly after they move overseas together is something that I think the series desperately needed. It makes Ben's storyline (which the novel has a heavier emphasis on) more complete, and considering we didn't get ChopperBen in Our Skyy 2, it would have been a good conclusion to ChopperBen as a whole.

I also liked the PalmNueng rooftop scene but I understand why they left it out of the series. The novel also kills off Kit after the final confrontation in episode 12, but I assume the series didn't want to deal with the implications of Chopper patricide.

I didn't finish the NLMG Our Skyy 2 episodes but the slightly lighter tone definitely helped a lot. A bit of a weird choice to give bully kid whats-his-name a boyfriend out of nowhere but as a MarcPawin fan I respect it.

This series was… a mess. But I love ChopperBen dearly! They're something special and I spend a much longer time thinking about them than I show. They're what got me into PerthChimon and I'll never regret watching NLMG for that alone.

Dangerous Romance

Finally, their most recent work, Dangerous Romance. I was waiting for this one for months and definitely not disappointed, even if it wasn't what I expected! (Just a warning. I will be criticising DR a bit here.)

The character relationships are the strongest part of DR. KanghanSailom's development over the episodes, navigating how to love eachother and growing as people together, was incredible to watch over 12 weeks. The way it all comes together is amazing.

GuyNava and NameSaifah, although lacking screentime, were super interesting to me. They managed to sell us (even View and June, who referred to them as another couple in DR on Live House) on NameSaifah in around 3 episodes total somehow which I find hilarious. PimfahNabdao didn't get much screentime but they were cute and I hope we get a continuation of their story!

DR also looks VERY good. Some of the visuals are amazing. The windmill location is gorgeous and I assume it looks even better in person (I HAVE to visit someday… A few Japanese fans I know flew to Thailand and visited it. I wish I were them).

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However, DR often struggles to get from point A to point B. This isn't a huge problem because the A and B in question are well-written, but it really feels like they had a few scenes planned but couldn't figure out how to connect them. They knew the direction they wanted to take KanghanSailom and GuyNava, but had difficulty writing the 'to' in 'enemies to lovers'. This is evident with other scenes too but it's very obvious when it comes to the main couple and the primary side couple of a BL.

Some of the direction is also a bit questionable. I personally don't like the overuse of flashbacks and OST (it reminds me of Double Savage and that's not a good thing) but I've accepted that its just a DR thing.

I like what the costuming team has come up with, bless whoever managed to make Pawin look 10 years younger than he is and the same age as actors 4 to 6 years younger than him. The details in how the wardrobe of the friendgroup, down to the colour of their uniforms is a nice touch too. This crew definitely has a lot of love for the series and I like that!!!

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DR is hurt a lot by what it sets itself up to be. When viewed as a typical BL with interesting romantic storylines, it's very good.

However, the promotion tends to frame it as something darker than what we ended up with, a unique storyline that happens to be BL (similar to Only Friends in that sense). The pilot trailer also doesn't help, since it promised a darker overall feel with meaner characters. The themes of poverty and class differences aren't handled very well but people who think more about DR's themes than me have discussed this. I was here to watch KanghanSailom be cute after episode 3.

This difference between what was expected from the pilot and trailers and the final product is what I suspect causes people to view DR as worse than it is. Looking past that, DR is a flawed but great BL series, one of the better shows to come out of the GMMTV2023 lineup.

I'm also one of the people who were skeptical about the difference in the feel of the pilot and the official trailers. The pilot trailer occupies a good 15% of my brainspace and I will always miss all it gave us (the rain kiss!!!!! THE VIBE OF THE BACKING SONG!!!!!!) but DR is something that exists separate from that now and as it's own thing, I adore it.

-

What I really love about DR is how PerthChimon it is. It's a very significant show for both of them in so many ways! It's their "official" return to BL (Perth hasn't done BL since 2020, Chimon not since 2018) and I don't think there would've been a better show for this.

Kanghan and Sailom have a lot of Perth and Chimon in them, and I don't even know if it was intentional. Perth and Chimon both relate a lot to their characters (for reasons they have mentioned in interviews) and when listening to what Perth said when he was asked what Kanghan wants to say to Sailom I wanted to run around in circles and scream because you could really tell it came from his heart.

It's also the first time Chimon has released a song, and the first time Perth has sung a duet.

You can see the PerthChimon in some scenes like when Kanghan is feeding Sailom in their studying montage, and one entire postcredits Oishi segment (I don't remember which episode, I think it's the open house one). As a PerthChimon fan Dangerous Romance is incredible because of all this!!!

There's also a line before they perform Sunset at the open house that stuck out to me. Kanghan's line about how Sailom is talented but rarely has the chance to showcase his talents is just a little awkward by itself but it gets me very emotional because Chimon has talked about how he turned down singing jobs in the past due to trauma and still gets nervous on stage, something which Perth supports him through whenever they sing together.

(Since I first typed this, a clip has been posted where the directors talk about how a lot of the sweet KanghanSailom scenes were improvised. Incredible work from PerthChimon, 10/10 no notes.)

DR is filmed in the same campus building as several other Chimon shows like Edge of 17 and The Gifted which is a whole other thing I think about sometimes. Especially Edge of 17, his first BL series with Pluem Purim. Comparing Sun and Sailom, you can really see how much Chimon has grown in those SIX?! years.

-

I also love seeing PerthChimon work together. They're very comfortable with eachother, and Perth has said that Chimon is the partner he's felt the most comfortable with (knowing Perth's acting history, this is a very bold statement but I believe he means it). I hope DR is just the start for PerthChimon and they continue working together for a long time.

(Similarly to NLMG, I responded to an ask about DR's flaws recently. I talk about the pacing issues here as well!)

And that's the end of part one. Thank you for reading!!! You can always drop me an ask if you have anything to say, my inbox is open. The next parts will be uploaded slowly.

Intro / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 (I'll edit to link them when I get these up!!!)

[kevinsreviewcatalogue]

Review: Hellraiser (1987)

Hellraiser (1987)

Rated R

<Originally posted at https://kevinsreviewcatalogue.blogspot.com/2024/10/review-hellraiser-1987.html>

Score: 4 out of 5

Hellraiser, written and directed by Clive Barker and based on his novella "The Hellbound Heart", is perhaps best described as an '80s version of a Hammer horror movie. On one hand, it's got gothic British atmosphere in spades, between its setting, its characters, its eroticism, and the twisted family drama at the center of its story, and on the other, it's got an archetypal final girl heroine and all the gnarly gore and creature effects of any proper '80s splatter flick. It's a movie that starts slow (though that could just have been me trying to watch it late at night when I was already getting tired) but closes strong, a journey into depravity that's filled with psychosexual overtones beneath its fleshy exterior while still leaving much to the imagination. The cast is stellar, the score by Christopher Young is perfect at setting the mood, and the makeup effects on its villains are grisly and grotesque, even if I do think it held off on showing off its now-iconic demons for too long. There's a reason why this is a classic, one of the (at least superficially) classier creature features of the '80s, and one that set a high bar that its many sequels were never able to match.

The film starts with a hedonistic degenerate named Frank Cotton purchasing a strange puzzle box at a bazaar in Morocco. Upon taking it back home, he solves the puzzle and winds up opening a portal to another dimension, where he is promptly taken and torn apart by monstrous, vaguely human-looking figures. Shortly after, Frank's brother Larry moves into his old house with his new wife Julia and his teenage daughter Kirsty in tow, and after injuring himself moving some furniture and bleeding all over the floor of the attic, accidentally brings Frank's soul back into our world and revives him, albeit in an incomplete manner (for instance, he's missing his skin). Julia, who it turns out had been having an affair with Frank behind Larry's back while he was still alive, discovers him in the attic and learns that he needs more flesh in order to regain his strength and stay one step ahead of the Cenobites, the demons and monsters who had tortured his soul beyond the grave and aren't too pleased that he escaped. Julia is understandably troubled by this, but she always did love Frank more than Larry, and so she, at first reluctantly but eventually quite enthusiastically, starts stalking bars and picking up various men looking for some loving in order to deliver them to Frank, who kills them and drains their life energy to rebuild his body. Julia can't keep her secret forever, though, especially once Kirsty catches her bringing a strange man into their home.

This is largely Clare Higgins' movie as she plays Julie, one half of its main villainous duo and the one who gets a lot of the heavy lifting in the story. Watching her, you can tell that what Frank is asking Julia to do for him is tearing her apart inside, as she feels sick to her stomach the first time she murders a man. However, each subsequent time sees it come easier and easier to her, causing her to slowly turn from a sympathetic adulterer to a classy villainess who comes to dominate the screen, losing her humanity piece by piece as she eventually realizes that she'll have to do something about Larry if she wants to be with her true love Frank. Frank himself, meanwhile, is not only a freakish special effects showcase between the horrifying scene of his resurrection (his body rematerializing, organ by organ and bone by bone, done completely practically) and his skinless appearance for most of the film, but Oliver Smith, who plays him for most of the movie (barring the prologue of him alive and in human form), also makes him a great corrupting presence slowly leading Julia down the road to becoming a killer in order to bring him back. Together, they feel like a wicked stepmother and her dark secret kept in the attic, a duo who I wanted to see get their justly deserved punishment. As for the rest of the cast, it was fun seeing Andrew Robinson, the Scorpio killer in Dirty Harry, play a good-hearted but clueless father who doesn't realize the danger he's in until it's too late, and while I would've liked to see Ashley Laurence's Kirsty a bit more earlier in the film, once she became the clear protagonist in the latter half she did a fantastic job.

And behind the camera, Barker proves that he's just as good a filmmaker as he is a novelist. This film endured a very troubled production that saw Barker stretch his budget to the breaking point, using every trick in the book to get the most out of what he had, and it paid off remarkably well. An old, creepy mansion is one of the oldest and most cliched horror settings possible, but Barker leaned into it by giving the film a creepy, gothic tone, updating classic Hammer horror iconography for the '80s with only minor changes to the aesthetics. He also injected the film with the kind of raw sexuality that Hammer was famous for, never showing actual nudity (though by all accounts Barker wanted to go further) but always making it very clear that, whether human or monster, these characters fuck. And when that got into the relationship between Frank and his niece Kirsty, or the design of the Cenobites that resembled bondage gear and gave very clear implications of what exactly they mean by "pain and pleasure," that only added an extra layer of "ick" atop the proceedings as it was obvious that the torture being inflicted on these characters was, in no small part, sexual in nature.

That brings me to the Cenobites, the trademark demons of this film (well, "demons to some, angels to others") and the series in general. You may notice that, as iconic as they are, I haven't really talked about them all that much, and that's because they're only minor characters, albeit important ones who have a key role in the plot behind the scenes. As with the rest of the effects here, their creature design is outstanding, resembling humans who have been badly mutilated but in a fairly artistic manner more reminiscent of extreme body modification than anything. The lead Cenobite, retroactively named Pinhead in later films, is the only one who gets much of any characterization, and Doug Bradley makes him a hell of a monster, a figure who speaks in an affect that manages to be both flat and brimming with emotion and whose lack of explicitly ill intent (he and his fellow Cenobites just want to "explore the outer reaches of experience") makes him that much creepier, like the Cenobites' concerns are so far above those of us mere mortals that our lives don't even matter to them except as part of a purely transactional arrangement. If there was one big problem I had with this movie, in fact, it's that we don't get enough of the Cenobites. They take over as the main antagonists in the third act, but while Frank discusses them earlier in the film, they barely have any presence in the film before they make their grand introduction to Kirsty. I would've done something more with the mysterious vagrant who's seen stalking Kirsty, revealing him early on to be working for the Cenobites instead of making that a big twist at the end and simply implying before then that he's up to no good, because while the final scene did work as a nice closer, the tonal shift from having Frank as the villain trying to kill Kirsty to having her and her boyfriend running away from the Cenobites was pretty sudden and jarring, like I'd started watching a completely different movie out of nowhere.

The Bottom Line

Hellraiser is a combination of old-school gothic chills and modern creature and gore effects that still holds up, a film dripping with creepiness and some great monsters of both the human and otherworldly sort. A must-see for fans of '80s horror -- and hey, fingers crossed, maybe the sequels aren't all terrible either.

[2802t]

lee taeyeon, a comprehensive career timeline (debut (2016) — 2019), pt. i

2016

the first year of indigo's lifespan feels a little bit like something taeyeon only half-experiences, but that probably has more to do with the sleep deprivation than the objective surrealism of it all. overnight, it seems, he's catching kids in the hallways at school taking pictures of him through classroom windows, whenever time allows for him to physically show up, swarmed by people in passing who might have otherwise only spared him a glance. on-screen, when the music videos and performances have all been done and dusted and they're marketing themselves on variety shows, he's not entirely sure what he's doing, but it seems to be working. he's naive, gives too much of himself over for consumption, and it leaves too little room for separation between lee taeyeon, the person and lee taeyeon, the face of indigo. he's loved, undoubtedly, and rises to a level of popularity that no teenager is equipped to handle, but he's so incredibly tired that he doesn't even have the bandwidth to process it. they're four releases deep before the end of the year. taeyeon keeps going.

he doesn't think he ever cries quite as hard as he does when their work pays off in recognition during award ceremonies. it all happens so quickly and maybe it's awe, dread, on tougher days, that washes over him when he realizes that it's only just begun.

highlights: album of the year, artist of the year, best male group at multiple award shows; record amount of music show wins with growl; special host on multiple episodes of weekly idol

2017

still rookies, despite the massive success they achieved so early on, the year after debut becomes one crafted with the intent of solidifying their position as a critically acclaimed and highly anticipated boy group among a growing sea of competition. as the face of the group and the de facto representative in all matters not covered by their leader, taeyeon is held up, bounced around from place to place for everyone to see with "indigo" in massive letters across his forehead. of course, he's not always alone, oftentimes appearing on variety shows and at brand events alongside another member, but when he is, it feels intentional. for half the year, there's hardly any schedule that management says "no," to, the rare occasion being conflicts with group promotion. he takes his job seriously, shoves any wayward stress to the deep recesses of his mind, eats when he can and puts a smile on his face because it's the least he can do.

every day he's reminded of how many people would kill to be in his position, would kill to be any one of the members, and aren't your members working hard, too, lee taeyeon? should the world stop turning for you?

there are ways around exhaustion, humanity. he learns.

highlights: law of the jungle, music bank mc, host of mbc gayo daejejeon, various one-off variety show appearances and commercial brand endorsements, first solo magazine cover

2018 - 2019

if you were to ask taeyeon what these two years of his life encompass, he'd probably answer with something like in-flight movies and falling asleep during english classes, but, to the common outsider, 2018 and 2019 are the years that truly globalize indigo. they also happen to serve as a point in time where all pretenses are abandoned and taeyeon's impending adulthood makes him free game.

publicly, he gets painted as a noona lover, scripted to flirt with women twice his age on tv shows, fully grown into his looks and unprotected in all the ways that matter. he doesn't think much of it, not really, flirting has always been apart of the job, but then his body becomes the focus. he's pushed to diet, told to cut down on how much he eats to chisel out; told to work out so he'd be toned enough to wear flowy shirts and crop tops. as much as he's always been, he is commodified and rebranded, an early pivot from the charming, mischievous little boy he'd been thus far to a man.

he has an early birthday. they celebrate with blood sweat and tears.

highlights: lyrical and compositional credits on wings album (intro: boy meets evil, lie, MAMA, cypher 4, 21st century girl), cast as "ato" in the miracle we met, viral fancam

[lea-heartscxiv]

Renga Valentine's Day

Renga were the second winners in this poll and here is the date they had on Valentine's Day this year on our sims gameplay.

You can see all images (because here it can only be uploaded 30 images) and extras of Renga in our Blogger. (From me and @van-yangyin)

Blogger: English | Español

Read their date below the cut line ↓

It was getting close to 7:30pm and Reki and Langa started to close Dope Sketch store.

An hour before...

Oka: Reki, Langa, I'll leave you here to close whenever you want 😉 I have a date. Reki: With a new woman? Oka: Don't be so nosy, Reki. Langa: If you don't mind, we'll close before 8pm. Reki and I will go see a movie.

Oka: And have you already chosen it? Langa: No. Oka: Then let me recommend one for you two. 😁 «Reki, that's what you get for being nosy» - thinking. Reki: WOW, a special recommendation from Oka. Okay, tell us what you have to offer us. 😏

Oka: "桜の木に吹く風" (The wind among Cherry blossoms), it's a nice friendship between two friends, also one of the main themes is skateboarding. 😁 Reki: Oka, you're a genius! Oka: You're welcome. 😁 Langa: You must really like it to be smiling like that. Oka: Sure... I went with some friends and we had a lot of fun. And there they did some spectacular tricks. Maybe they give you some ideas. 😁 Reki: Okay, so tomorrow we'll talk about the movie, Oka.

Oka: Of course 😁 «You're welcome Langa, I'm sure Reki will hold on to you tight 🙌» - thinking.

So following Oka's recommendation; about closing when they wanted to; they were going to close it at 19:30h. When the time came, they packed up, changed clothes, turned off the lights and closed Dope Sketch.

Langa: I can't wait to see that movie.

Reki: Yes, especially because during the year it's very unusual to see skateboarding premieres... Although it's weird that I'm not familiar with it...

Langa: Reki... Maybe some of the other main topics are not so much of your interest?

Reki: Maybe, although that sounds even better, it means I'll enjoy it even more!

Once they closed, headed towards the movie theater and saw that two premieres were announced on the billboard.

They went inside and looked to see in which room the movie was being shown.

Langa: Room 1.

Reki: This must be the movie Oka recommended.

Langa: Reki... The shadow that appears on this poster has red eyes... Doesn't it remind you of someone?

Reki: *a shiver ran through his whole body* ... No! He doesn't remind me of anyone... He doesn't have a longboard so...

Langa: So we're thinking of the same person.

Reki: Well then I hope the character doesn't remotely resemble "that person", because then the story is going to get boring. 💦

Langa: But at least it will have good tricks.

They went to get two tickets and Langa also bought popcorn. It was half price so was quite cheap. They entered the theater and sat down to wait for the movie to start.

Reki: Do you think movie will be good? I don't see many people sitting down.

Langa: Well, movie starts at 8:30 pm, there's still time, Reki. It will probably fill up with more people little by little.

Reki: By the way... Why did they put on the ticket that movie is rated for 16 years and over?

Langa: There might be street fights, don't you think that would be a good reason?

Reki: But if skateboard fights aren't so dangerous... Unless are on "S"...

Langa: But it can be if are street fights.

Reki: Well, we'll see. It looks like movie is about to start.

When the film starts, Reki sees something weird about it. Why were most of the shots taken at night? Well... Okay... He knew that most of time he skateboarded with Langa, it was at night, especially if they were on the streets in the car lane... But... Why did all the shots and soundtracks seem like they were made expressly to be scary? After a while Langa had eaten all popcorn without leaving any for Reki, he seemed to be very excited about the plot. On the other hand, Reki thought that Oka had put more "tricks" than he was actually seeing on stage.

Langa still thought that guy with red eyes reminded him of "that person" although seen from a different point of view and more now that he was half an hour into the movie.

Langa: Reki, the guy with red eyes looks sad and full of anger, are you sure now that ghost doesn't remind you of someone?

Reki: Gho... ghost?!

Langa: Yes, a 御�� (goryoo), I think it's called that way. ⁽*¹⁾

⁽*¹⁾ 御霊 (goryoo) are vengeful Japanese ghosts from the aristocratic classes.

Reki was so deep in his thoughts thinking about everything Oka told him that didn't understand much of the plot...and begins to realize that the movie is not romantic at all but... SCARY!!!!

Reki: Langa, are we leaving now?

Langa: But... The story is very interesting...

Reki doesn't hear anything and runs out in panic, towards the exit of the room.

Langa is left alone, sitting down.

Langa: I'll have to buy the Blu-ray to watch the ending with mom, I'm sure she'll like it.

While outside the room it can be hear:

Reki: OKAAAAAAA!!!!

Reki runs to the washroom in a panic and Langa runs out of the room and into the washroom with him.

Reki: Oka I knew it, he knew it was scary!

Langa: But Reki, the story is interesting, and tricks even if they were few seemed good.

Reki: I'm sorry, Langa. You know how I'm with anything scary....

Langa: It's okay Reki, I'll buy the Blu-ray and watch it with mom. 

Reki: Are they going to release Blu-ray of that?

Langa: I don't know, but they usually release Blu-rays of everything after a while.

Reki: You're right, hehe. Can I go in the bathroom for a minute and then we'll head to the Skatepark?

Langa: Sure. *spends some time* Reki...

Reki: Uh-huh?

Langa: I'll always be by your side when you're scared, so you can hold on to me tight... Like when in Miyakojima...

Reki: Thank you, Langa... Although you know that my fears are stronger than I'm... Shall we go to the Skatepark?

Reki and Langa arrive at the Skatepark and the former gets very close to the latter.

Reki: Langa, I know Valentine's Day is celebrated differently in Canada, but this is my gift for you. 

And gives Langa a kiss on the cheek.

Langa: Reki... Do you want to try tricks from the movie? They seem pretty easy to perform, I don't think they put much thought into doing something new.

Reki: But... You know I haven't seen almost anything...

Langa: I'll show them to you!

Reki: Okay, I'll follow you!

[AN: The mod we use for the skateboards doesn't allow the switch between Regular and Goofy, so here both are shown as Regulars, imagine that Langa has his right leg in front. Next time surely we'll make special poses if skateboards are used]

They tried performing several of the tricks shown in the movie, in which Langa was right, Reki saw that they hadn't innovated much.

Reki: Langa

Langa: Reki

Reki: Shall we go there?

Langa: Yes.

Both of them vibrate their mobiles and start reading the notification they have received from "S". (Read here if you want to know what Reki and Langa are reading.)

Langa: Reki, are you reading it? I want to participate.

Reki: Okay, but as soon as you participate I will challenge you to a beef. I'll get to give you the chocolate to prove my love, and I'll defeat all the other Regulars that stand in my way! And for me it won't be allegorical.

Langa: I can't wait for the day!

Reki: By the way, ADAM is also participating, if you see you can challenge him.

Langa: Yes, I'm sure many will challenge him to a beef and he'll have as much fun as I.

Reki: You're right. Joe was left wanting last time... But come on, Langa, go ahead and register if you want to. So I can challenge you to a beef. I want to be one of the first who wants to give you a chocolate.

Langa: That's it, Reki. Be that as it may, I'll always enjoy your chocolate.

Reki: But this time I'll give it to you, and I'll defeat everyone who wants to stand in my way!

Langa: This time?

Reki: I'm just saying, Langa.

~The End?~

Maybe you want to read too:

JoeCherry Valentine's Day | Miya Valentine's Day | TadaAi Valentine's Day | Shadoka Valentine's Day

[autimind]

Myths about Autism #4 - Looking autistic

(with a side order of 'I don't hate people with autism.')

A dearly beloved aunt, who regrettably passed several years ago, flat-out refused to believe that I am autistic. Even after a full explanation of my struggles and diagnostic trajectory through the local mental healthcare system. I did not come across as autistic. She wasn't the only one.

Well, I say fair enough.

[long read. I won't discuss the actual myth. We are clear on that it is bunk. However, what should we now do?]

Let's talk about what autism looks like. Allistic people seem to have these amazing insights into what's going on in other people's minds basically on full-auto or at least they claim as much but for all I can discern they seem to judge inner workings of the mind by what the visible body does. They need our outward appearance in order to function.

What is autism? We know, dear reader, that autism is high, wide and broad. That it is called a spectrum does not mean that it behaves like the number line, not even like the complex plane. It is an insanely varied, multivariate affair. "If you have met one autistic, you have met one autistic," as the platitude has it. Yet autism is real. Although it does not exist as a thing, it is a valid label for a more or less well-defined manner of neurodivergent development. All of the divergence inside the brain is invisible, though. Can we fault the allistic people all around us for only looking at the conduct and mannerisms they do notice?

Society moreover has been and is ill-served by tropes mainly in entertainment but also in serious media. For a long time, autism basically equated Rain Man, from the eponymous movie starring Dustin Hoffman. I still find it ironic that the person who inspired the movie, the late Kim Peek, did not have autism at all but rather FG Syndrome. More recent is the example of Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, who according to many people has Asperger's. It is interesting that almost no one judges his friend Amy Farrah Fowler in the same way as she shares many of his characteristics.

Again I ask can we fault allistic people their bafflement when we come out, so to say, as autistic? By far most of us aren't Sheldon Coopers and certainly a vanishingly small minority of us are even like Rain Man.

I tend to empty a box of matches onto the desk when speaking as an expert by experience to professionals. I give them three seconds to tell me exactly how many matches are visible and of course they always fail. Given proper experience, an estimation might of course be given but I tell them the exact answer. After everyone has had the time to be amazed at my 'autistic feat', I explain that I personally counted the matches before putting them into the box that very morning.

This is my way of upending their own cultural ideas on autism. Returning to my point, I really don't think we can blame allistics all that much. Cultural inertia on top of normal human cognitive laziness makes it hard to take on new and contra-intuitive notions.

Quite frustratingly, rather a lot of allistic people, once you have told them, still exclude us while saying they don't dislike autistics/autism. A good example would be.. well, almost everyone I come across. Basically everyone commiserated with me when I became open about my diagnosis and vowed to help and understand. They can't but they aren't aware of that particular disability. It is not their fault.

The point here is that they do keep responding negatively to an impressive array of ingrained traits. Stimming in the form of feet tapping of knee bouncing (my own go-to stim), data dumping about my SPINs, correcting vague or incorrect language, taking vocal utterances literally and so on and so forth. Really now, I am not much bothered about specific word choice but it is not okay to just hold on to your preconceived notions when an actual human explains their own mental state or makes a half-way reasonable request.

Those preconceived cultural notions do exist and they do cause harm. All of this creates much frustration and anger among autistics. This is easily visible during even a cursory inspection of #actually autistic and like tags. There is so much pain! People are crying out in sheer endless reblogs, venting and sometimes even ranting about the unfair position we have in society, especially if we are also non-white, female or belong to yet one more disadvantaged or non-privileged group. The amount of anger, sometimes even rage, on this forum is simply staggering. I have run afoul of it myself, mostly for responding to some post without thinking and naively assuming I was really helping. I have hurt other people's feelings.

It would be fairly easy for me to now wax eloquent about how I was misunderstood, that from my own blog it was crystal clear that.. and a dozen other excuses. I simply say this: I am sorry. However, we still have to do something. I strongly feel that venting to eachother is all well and good but if that is all we do, things will not get better. In that case, venting becomes just a way of blowing off steam before going right back to that very same society that can be so hurtful and indifferent.

It would be a grand thing indeed if I had all the answers at this point and I don't. I do have one answer. What I propose will sound cruel to some. I will put yet another responsibility in the autistic camp. Yet more adapting to do when allistics just breeze through their lives. (They don't, but never mind that. I understand the feeling.) Still, on sober reflection we will have to admit that this responsibility is already solidly on our side for the very simple reason that no one will do it for us. We may just not have been aware of it.

I am talking about actively regulating our own emotions in general and making space for negative feelings in particular. If we manage to pull that off, we can just be with frustration or sadness for a while and allow it to process itself. I know first-hand how impossibly vague and wishy-washy new agey that sounds. I also know first-hand the awesome power of such a skill if you can see it from the inside.

At least we will have control. To some extent. We will be responding from strength, not from weakness. We will be secure in ourselves, not beaten this way and that by the breaking waves of the ocean of demands and impulses of this life. We will know deep in our being that we are always welcome in the present moment. We will understand viscerally that emotions are not self, thoughts are not self. They may influence us but they are not us.

Will that make us feel better? Maybe. After a while. Unpleasant emotions and thoughts will not suddenly vanish. But it will help. For details, see my series on Reconnecting to our authentic selves.

[violetsiren90]

The reason why I never rush people into replying to messages back... Is because I know everyone would have their own lives away from social media. People have their family, friends, jobs and anything else I'm able to think of at the moment. So that's my reason.

Yes! At least I'm gonna attempt to.. One reason why I stopped was because I'm way too perfectionistic, I am too critical of my own work. So I'm attempting it again. Hopefully try to be less critical of my works.

Don't get me wrong! I'm not trying to be rude. And.. I know. It seems like I'm being rude, but I am trying, in my own way, to not be seemingly rude if it comes across that way. I'm just trying to explain this to any person who might be curious about this topic, is all.

Like I know people prefer inclusive characters when reading stories. Though, sometimes, there could be certain details in the descriptions that won't always the person reading about that character. No fault to the writers. So I don't want you to think that I blame readers for some things they have no knowledge of.

Which might be all the more reasons to write about characters that aren't always written, especially any characters that aren't written well too. Because that tends to happen a lot when it comes to characters.

Ranging from appearances, traits, even disabilities.. Some people may be curious to read those types of characters. Or even have more representations too.

And I wasn't trying to sexualize my explanation! I've just tried explaining in a way where it is much easier to visual? Like if I really stood near men that tall, my full height does reach around to their stomach (and abdomen for some). I'm just basically half their size.

I'm not invalidated about myself. Because I actually know the differences between asking the questions about my height that people are curious about, and the vulgar comments they'd make about my height. Usually the guys who make vulgar comments about my size, well, they stop thinking it's funny whenever I hit them in the balls. I think it's a fair trade. At least in my opinion anyway. And the children, children do love being taller than an adult for once in their lives.

Exactly! If I ever see more duality pictures and even videos of the BTS guys, I'll definitely send the links.

Yes. I have a lot of stories to read (or reread), and I'll have to search your masterlist for more stories too.

I've been neglecting way too many hobbies lately.

Which reminds me... Obviously these ideas aren't all that original, not that I'd complain. What's your own opinion about mafia alternate universes? And also a supernatural universe? Like the seven deadly sins is another possible concept. Definitely have to write a mafia story, or many stories in general, because I've always enjoyed the mafia concept in media. Stories to shows and movies. So I'm attached to that idea.

Maybe? I should.. I should have some alias as anon, at least until I'm comfortable to reveal myself. Not a huge reveal, not like that. I'm just socially awkward.

Ah, I completely understand the woes of perfectionism! When I first started publishing my work, I had to just press the post button at times, before even conducting more in-depth edits for fear that I would chicken out due to self-criticism. So, I understand the struggle. It helped me to remember that what I'm doing is for fun and for free!

No, you weren't being rude at all! And you didn't come off that way either. 😊💕

Yep, bringing your own perspective and experiences to characters can be one of the great joys of writing.

Your explanation made perfect sense! Obviously, the dynamic of height and size is going to affect lots of aspects of physical interactions between characters, in smut scenes too!

Well, I'm certainly glad that you don't let those kinds of remarks get to you. Whatever those guys got, they had coming! 😂

I don't have very much on my masterlist quite yet, as I'm still a budding writer here on Tumblr, but I would be honored if you chose to read any of my stories!

I like mafia AU's! Though I've only read a couple. I'm pretty open to any type of AU. If it's well written, chances are I'm going to enjoy it! Writing a mafia story would probably be a lot of fun, especially getting into the weeds of that kind of world and reimagining members as different kinds of character types within it!

You're welcome to choose any emoji or alias you'd like! It will be helpful in keeping track to remember who I'm chatting with. 😊 And this is a safe space, you're free to remain anon for as long as you like, or introduce yourself more personally if you decided to! Either way, I'm happy to have you here. 💜

[fictionz]

New Fiction 2023 - December

"Ezekiel" ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

Ezekiel had a lot to prophesy, and none of it good news.

"Daniel" ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

We're really just there for lions and Susanna.

Revenant by Alex White (2021)

I like that I can hop around between DS9 stories that are part of the post-show timeline and the various stories that just take place at some point during or prior to the show. Also good to see the designers stepping up that cover art! And let me tell ya, this story delivers on that cover. Half of it is a Jadzia and Kira adventure with mysteries, heists, danger, and a lot of really good background on the Dax symbiont. Loved that! Then Kira tagged out for Worf and Bashir, and that was alright. I wish it had been Jadzia and Kira all the way though.

Silver Nitrate by Silvia Moreno-Garcia (2023)

It's a nerds' tale through and through. Film nerds, occult nerds, horror nerds, and Moreno-Garcia blends it all skillfully. It doesn't hit as strongly as Mexican Gothic, but mysteries tend to be like that when they take place in a metropolis instead of the confines of a creepy mansion.

The Men by Sandra Newman (2023)

I liked the setup, and the premise, and I was mostly onboard until the finale really let me down. Maybe the idea is depressing to people, like it is to most characters in the story, but I saw hope in sticking with the reality of most of the book and making a better world of it. You grieve, you build anew. There was also some hand-wringing around race and gender tension from the main character that feels like it's meant to be considerate but is just channeling white anxiety about the optics of appearing racist instead recognizing racial bias and making changes to address it.

Aftermath by Christopher L. Bennett (2003)

Whoops, one more Star Trek book before the end of the year. I’d been meaning to read it for about a year and finally found some time with the digital copy from Open Library. Like the other SCE stories, it’s a short and sweet little tale. The thematic elements about a civilization’s collapse and hope for the future were just what I needed after reading some more downbeat stories.

Jekyll and Heidi by R.L. Stine (1999)

It was... okay. Not the strongest plot or twist, although notably darker in terms of setting up the main character's predicament. Kinda Dahlesque but without his absurdity.

"> THE JESTER" by Margaut Shorjian (2023)

Do it.

The Simpsons: Bart vs. Homersaurus dev. Tiger Electronics (1994)

These level-based LCD games are never as strong as the endless loops of their Game & Watch progenitors, but the tech is neat. Voice clips must've been an expensive proposition.

Dream Scenario dir. Kristoffer Borgli (2023)

You know, it is a weird movie, but the part where it digs into cancel culture felt off. Too real maybe. And even then, I just don't think it'll stick around in my brain.

Godzilla Minus One dir. Takashi Yamazaki (2023)

A great Godzilla story with a good balance of humans and monster. It's a big deal when I can care about the human side of a monster attack.

The Boy and the Heron dir. Hayao Miyazaki (2023)

It meanders and contemplates, kinda like The Wind Rises, but it's so beautiful and weird that it's easy to just roll with it.

The Abyss dir. James Cameron (1989)

So did Cameron just establish the genre of scifi that is working class stiffs who aren't trained for this being sent out into the deep end?

Eileen dir. William Oldroyd (2023)

It has that short story quality I can never quite describe. Like something unsettling I'd read in The New Yorker.

A Christmas Story dir. Bob Clark (1983)

1983?! This feels so ancient. Well, I'm glad I finally watched it all through instead of bits and pieces on TV.

Wonka dir. Paul King (2023)

I should watch a Paddington sometime.

Monster dir. Hirokazu Kore-eda (2023)

I wanna say it's a perfect movie. It has some dread but still has a hopeful vibe in the end.

Leave the World Behind dir. Sam Esmail (2023)

I guess I see why people responded to it, but I found it too bleak, and that's saying something. I guess I prefer these things to be a little further removed from the current timeline. *hugs The Outer Limits 1995*

The Polar Express dir. Robert Zemeckis (2004)

My nephew straight up performs the movie as he watches it, and that's about as memorable as a viewing can get.

The Muppet Christmas Carol dir. Brian Henson (1992)

Pretty good, but it can't top Muppet Treasure Island in my brain. The effects for some of those scenes are mighty impressive though.

Velvet Buzzsaw dir. Dan Gilroy (2019)

No one told me this was a horror movie! I'd have watched it sooner. It's an excellent high-budget version of an episode of Tales from the Crypt.

The 100 - "Perverse Instantiation – Part One" (2016)

I sorta picked up what the show is throwing down, but coming into at this late stage is not the way to watch an episode.

The 100 - "Perverse Instantiation – Part Two" (2016)

This episode was a little more clear as a season finale with defined stakes. It was enough that I'd watch this series at some point in the future.

The Crown - "Ipatiev House" (2022)

Sorta tuned in here, and it has big House of Cards vibes. I guess all this stuff about royals is the original HoC.

The Crown - "No Woman's Land" (2022)

Elizabeth Debicki is a great Diana. I don't know if I'm in the mood for sociopolitical interpersonal drama anytime soon, but this show seems to manage it all with aplomb.

The Outer Limits - "The Galaxy Being" (1963)

A bit snoozy I'll admit, but that's most TV of the era. Things really pick up when the well-designed alien kicks in. Those effects are impressive.

Night Gallery - "Pilot" (1969)

Whoa! This first episode is real good. I've heard the show has its ups and down since Serling didn't have the same level of creative control, but the pilot is just a great horror anthology film.

Babylon 5 - "The Gathering" (1993)

Hokey VFX and 90s-era production values aside, I can see the appeal of the show. I'll be fighting my instinct to go back and watch Star Trek the whole time but I'm glad to finally get into the show.

[gabriellereed]

Something within Gabi soars like a fucking eagle the second Matty mentions that they might— might! — be able to watch what he deems one of the better films.

As if they aren't all Oscar contenders!

But Gabi will take the victory. And she'll ensure that she does get to witness one of these movies in time, if not them all!

As she talks, her worries about Selene are soothed by the gentle drag of Matty's fingers upon her lower back. The touch his gentle. Soothing. It feels to familiar, upon her back, how is it possible that she was only introduced to his hands this very night?

How is it possible they already give her such comfort?

Almost as if their bodies and souls were acquainted well, well before this.

'Oh, don't let Selene hear you. She's got this crazy ego, and if you feed into it, she'll become totally unbearable…'

There's a snort from Gabi. It was nice, listening to him talk about his cousin like this. She knew they were close, had heard from Selene that their bond was special. The rest of Selene's family were ... different. Cutthroat. Remote, in a way. There was both the expectations of greatness and also the inherit dismissal towards Selene, the fact she pursued the C.E.O position strongly as a woman.

It felt... warming, actually, to know her best friend had someone like Matty in her corner?

And, it turn, it seems like Selene had looked after Matty as well.

'She was the best part of growing up.'

Something shatters in her heart the moment Matty describes himself as 'probably pretty fucking annoying'.

"Matty..." A pause, where Gabi props herself up upon an arm, lets the other one drape comfortingly across his chest. "No way you were annoying." She thought that Selene had mentioned that she had other cousins— that there were other siblings of his. So why did it sound like Selene was the one filling an older sibling role? Maybe their personalities just clicked better. Maybe they just gravitated to each other on their own. Selene didn't know for sure, but her heart does constrict at the possibility of Matty not being appreciated.

That maybe he saw himself as obnoxious. That all the videos he made as a child were ... automatically bad.

Something inside her flares, like the height of a fire when a log is suddenly dropped.

Her brow furrows.

Everyone should love Matty the way she did!

"She's really good at that, huh?" Her finger finds the handsome slope of his nose. "The whole reassuring thing."

Gabi knew, because Selene had done that for her too. Albeit not quite in the same way.

Still perturbed, Gabi lays back down, settles back into the crook of his arm.

Listening to what Selene did for him helped. Hearing how she included Matty, encouraged all of his interests. It's a balm.

'Oh. And she brought me you.'

Oh.

Gabi swallows. The fact he even mentioned that in the same conversation as all these other things— that Gabi's appearance at his party mattered too.

Oh.

For a second doesn't actually speak. Instead some strange expression washes over her, where her brow furrows, where she suddenly leans forward to capture Matty's mouth with her own.

She pulls away after a moment.

One half of her mouth twitches.

"You know, I feel pretty lucky about that." There's the sensation of blood rushing inside her head, the roar of what sounds like the ocean in her ears. "I kinda... don't wanna think about if I didn't come."

Was it too early to say that? God, maybe it was too early to say that! Especially with this tone. But it's out there, and Gabi can't take it back, reel it back into the confine of her chest, and she doesn't even want to, in a way, finds it oddly freeing just to ... allow herself, to feel so strongly about Matty.

Matty felt warm inside whenever she called him cool. It hadn't come easily to him. Not at all. She didn't know how hard it was for him to make friends at that age, how disliked and tolerated he was by most members of his family. All he ever wanted was to be cool. And she thought he was.

She didn't seem to believe that his films were awful. Embarrassing. But she assured him that she would have loved little Matty and all his movies.

Matty held his breath momentarily. Did she even realize that he loved her now? That he felt it so soon?

"We'll see. Maybe we can watch the least painful and embarrassing one the next time I see you," he suggested, hoping she simply forgot about it. But, it didn't really bother Matty either way. Yes, he would be wildly embarrassed, but he'd endure it for her.

Matty listened as Gabi told the story of how she and Selene met. He kept both of his hands on her lower back, the pads of his fingers brushing over her skin. It felt so nice, sharing and absorbing all of these things with her. The more Gabi shared with him, the more he loved her.

"Oh, don't let Selene hear you. She's got this crazy ego, and if you feed into it, she'll become totally unbearable…"

He grinned. That was the farthest thing from the truth. Selene was one of the only kind, good people in Matty's life growing up.

"No, she's obviously super badass. And organized. Hardworking. Crazy smart. I see why you're friends."

Matty stared up at the ceiling.

"She was the best part of growing up. She went to every one of my games. Invited me to hang out with her when I was probably really fucking annoying." He smiled. "She was always more like my big sister. She helped me a lot as a kid. Encouraged me to like the stuff that I liked. Made me feel included. And she still does that."

Finally, Matty glanced back down at Gabi.

"Oh. And she brought me you."

[lizzylucky]

I posted 335 times in 2022

That's 309 more posts than 2021!

31 posts created (9%)

304 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@silverdragonms

@massk

@twink-between-worlds

@telemna-hyelle

@bokettochild

I tagged 209 of my posts in 2022

Only 38% of my posts had no tags

#reblog - 91 posts

#linked universe - 62 posts

#lu - 53 posts

#linkeduniverse - 47 posts

#lu four - 44 posts

#fanart - 39 posts

#rottmnt - 27 posts

#lu hyrule - 16 posts

#art - 15 posts

#four - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and then decided that i liked the art style ao much on its own that i would rather acroll through everything until i found this piece again

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

My friend reminded me that I haven't posted this on Tumblr yet, so 👉👈

I drew a Four like a week ago and then coloured it the other night because Drawing Four Makes Things Better Always and he's just my favourite so why NOT

99 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

#4

Dot might be my favourite Linked Universe Zelda... So I decided to draw her for the first time, and digitally to boot...

THIS TOOK ME 10 HOURS. But man, if I were the only one who liked it in the end I'd still call it worth it ✨

122 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

#3

So I finally gave in and bought Encanto's Three Sisters book. (it wasn't even $10 if anyone was thinking about it)

And OH MY GOSH IT'S SO CUTE!!

I'm not even half done reading it, but there are already so many little things it talks about that aren't obvious (at least to me) from watching the movie.

For example, it clarifies that Antonio is just SO shy and quiet all the time, up until he gets his gift. All three sisters have thoughts regarding this that sum up to the idea that receiving your gift in the Madrigal family just helps you to be *more* yourself, and believe it helped Antonio open up.

Mirabel, much more often, and in thought, feels remorseful about not having a gift. Isabela views recieving your gift as a sort of qualifier for being a Madrigal, like you can't truly be an integrated member of the family until you have yours, but even then counts Mirabel as an exception.

And, man, I can't even TELL you... Poor Luisa!!! She's so busy and stressed and anxious all the time!!! During Antonio's day, she's sent to set up fireworks around back, but she has to clear the area of brush and leaves first, and then some of the foliage needs trimming, and she's spending the entire afternoon between chores and taking people's wagons and donkeys to the side of the house for the event, and she has to bring in seating and set up furniture and decorations, and Abuela TOLD her to put the piano in the courtyard, and THEN told her to take it upstairs, and she is literally just busy, busy, busy until her Mother calls her for the start of Antonio's ceremony, feeling out of the blue because Luisa didn't realize how much time had passed through all that. Two or three times she thought maybe someone wanted a hug and then actually it was another chore or a prank or something and she's just so disappointed.

Not to mention the following day; reroute the river, fix the leaning house, move the church to the left, actually back to the right, now find the donkeys... Of course we know those already, but then one of the donkeys literally pees on her shoe, and apparently someone wanted the plaza repaved and Alma VOLUNTEERS Luisa without the poor girl even being there for it.... Just give this girl a break and a hug! It's all she wants!

(She literally has the best hugs, this isn't even a theory, she mentions it like twice just to this point 😭)

Also, can I just mention the fact that Isabela made a daisy chain necklace for Mirabel on her 5th birthday? And a little flower crown for Luisa on hers, too, because she was stressed out?

Furthermore, Isa isn't portrayed quite so stuck-up as she appears in the first half of the movie. I'd like to think that this is just a matter of perspective and none of what we see her as is really how she is, because she's just so nervous and stressed... Like, she loves her sisters! But she genuinely feels so nervous about how her Abuela sees her, and to no particular fault she just thinks that the things Mirabel goes on about, like cracks in Casita's walls, are made up, and she even envies how much more useful a gift like super strength is compared to her own, or how much less would be expected of her if she simply didn't have a gift.

Really, she does love her family! She wanted to comfort Mirabel when Abuela went to see the nonexistent cracks in the courtyard, but was scared that it would be misinterpreted and she would be judged harshly for it. Yes she cares very much about her image, even turning down a messier treat made by Julieta in order to keep her dress clean, but she does this because she was the first grandchild and knows that Abuela expects her to be the perfect forefront image of the family, something that is stressed all the time.

This isn't even the half of it, and I've not even *read* the half of it! I'm telling you, there are so many new details that the book adds to what we know of the characters and I love how much more depth it provides with a simple change in perspective. I could just go on and on, really.

123 notes - Posted January 20, 2022

#2

Last of The Six Old LU Pencil Arts! One more Four (favourite? No I don't pick favourites pfft), this time in battle stance. This one was actually based on a panel from the Comic, so I had a reference to go on. I wanted to practice poses and study Four's structure a bit. So, Ta-Da!

134 notes - Posted May 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Minish Four!!! Just because I can 😃

I HAD TO

Little paws and little feather tail and big ol' ears 🥺😭

314 notes - Posted May 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kaiparker-avengerssmut]

Their Doll 8

Let me in

B.Barnes x Reader, S.Rogers x Stark!Reader

series synopsis:  y/n Stark, all records of her non existent, and yet Hydra still find her. When she is kidnapped by a certain super-soldier and no one believes her, she finds herself searching for unexpected familiarity in her not-so-distant past.

Series Warnings: smut, violence, torture, swearing

Chapter Summary: y/n gets emotional

Warnings: swearing, feelings

A/n: The timeline in this has been altered, as there I things I wanted to include but I also wanted this fic to follow the storyline/timeline of Winter Soldier and Civil war.So for purposes of this fanfic, Peter Parker was discovered by Tony at a much younger age - when he was bitten - and has been an intern with him since, almost like a protégée.(For the purposes of this story Peter was bitten much younger too - more like when he was 9 or ten rather than 14/15)

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Life at the tower was...tiring, to say the least. During my free time I often found myself in the gym, lobbing knives at a target and trying my hardest not to biting one in Steve's chest every time he would correct my technique. When I wasn't trying to murder the avenger in cold blood, I was usually dragged into things by the other: briefings and debriefing for missions I'd never go on, my dad's parties, group training sessions and study periods with Bruce in his labs to name a few.

But for now, I was huddled in my rooms - fresh out of a hot shower after a brutal two hour training session and four mile run with Natasha - curled up on my bed and attempting to catch up on a few of the films I'd missed. But the exhaustion and drowsiness clouded my eyes, the noise from the TV merely in the background as I felt my eyes growing heavier by the second.

A sharp knock at the door snapped my out of my lowsey state, the people movie across the screen simple a blur of colour as my eyes darted past the tv and over to the door.

"Mr Stark is waiting at your door. Would you like me to let him in?" FRIDAY's evenly calm voice chimed, making me groan and mumble a 'no' into my pillows. The last person I wanted to see right now was my dad.

"Come on kid, let me in." My dad called from the other side of the door, and I could practically hear him roll his eyes and shake his head when I stayed silent. When he spoke again, it wasn't directed at me. "FRIDAY, override command and open the door."

"Wait! That's hardly fair!" I whined like a five year old, groaning again when the door swung open and my dad stood on the other side, quite clearly just as exhausted as I was.

"Get used to it, kiddo. Life isn't fair." Tony chided, walking over to my bed. I tried to shuffle away slightly when I felt the bed dip, my dad perching on the edge as his eyes scanned over the room. "I see you haven't decorated yet." He commented casually, as if nothing had ever happened between us.

"Yeah, well, I thought It'd be a shame to spend so much time on something when you're probably waiting to kick me out anyway." I mumbled, refusing to look at him.

"What the hell is wrong with you, y/n? Ever since you got back you've been-"

"Acting different?" I cut in, and when Tony simply swallowed thickly I nodded. "Funny that, seeing as I was kidnapped and tortured for three years. Not to mention made to kill people for another year after that."

"Y/n I'm sorry..."

"But you're not! You can't be, otherwise you'd actually have tried to save me, rather than leaving me to rot!" My voice cracked, tears pricked at my eyes and I now sat up straight in my bed, facing my dad but not looking him in the eye. "And you can't change that, you can't go back in the past and fix your mistake. And trying to fix it now sure as hell won't work, so I suggest you leave before I'm tempted to use you as my target for my training session tomorrow." I raised my voice, eyes now keeping his captive as the tears rolled freely down my cheeks.

"Oh, kid, they broke you." Tony murmured, cupping my cheek with his hand, eyes swimming with sorrow. Sorrow that I didn't want.

"You can't fix me either, because I'm not broken!" I said harsher now, voice only getting louder. "I don't need to be fixed..." I trailed off, voice barely above a whisper Joe as my eyes broke the contact, averting to my lap as the tears dropped onto the bed sheets.

That's how I found myself in my fathers arms, face pressed against his shoulder as the sobs made my body shake, hiccups escaping me as I tried to speak.

"A-all I needed W-was my D-dad, and yo- you took him f-from me!" I wailed, hands clutching my dad's shirt and his arms wrapped protectively around my shoulder, hands rubbing circles over my back soothingly.

"I know, kiddo. I'm sorry."

...

"Who is that?" Clint frowned, staring at the pictures scattered over the table in front of Natasha and Steve as they studied them deeply,  brows creased in thought.

"Our newest pain in the ass." Tony answered for them, slapping a thick folder down in front of Clint as he said so. The marksman was quick to pick it up, flicking through the documents, news stories and information sheets greedily.

"The...winter soldier?" He asked, looking at the three superheroes in front of him as if they'd gone mad. "But he's a ghost story!"

"I've seen him. Been shot by him, actually." Nat said, an sadistically proud smirk forming on her lips with her last words, almost as if it were an achievement.

"We're trying to find out more about him, maybe that way we can beat him." Steve explained, sitting back in his chair with crossed arms as he huffed in defeat, sick to death with staring at the same five pictures all morning.

Y/n walked in, a skip in her step as she crossed the room to Tony.

"Morning, dad." She greeted, placing a quick kiss to his cheek and heading over to the cupboard to grab a mug. Clint and Natasha frowned in confusion, looking between the two as if they'd witnessed pigs fly.

Tony shrugged, y/n too preoccupied with making herself a coffee to notice the avengers' reactions. When her coffee was done, y/n swiped her mug from under the machine and sipped happily, letting out a content sigh before wandering over to stand behind Natasha.

"What are you working on?" She asked, peering over the spy's shoulder to get a glimpse of the pictures.

A loud smash crashed through the room, Tony's eyes widening in shock and Natasha jumping from her seat in order to not get covered in spilt coffee. Y/n stood paralysed, eyes never leaving the photo in front of her as she started at the Soldier. Steve frowned deeply, studying the girl as her eyes glossed over with with what seemed to be...sadness.

Clint was already at her side, a comforting hand on her shoulder as they all asked y/n what had happened and if she was alright. It was like a constant ringing in her ear interrupted their words before they reached her ears, and y/n suddenly felt nauseous as she starred at the bright red star on the soldier's arm, his long and messy dark hair shrouding his face and his leather clad, muscular body. Only his cerulean blue eyes could be seen, the rest of his face covered in a black mask she didn't usually see him in.

"I-I need some air." She stuttered, stumbling blindly out of the room and down the stairs, tipping over a few steps from the bottom and tumbling down the last few. She quickly pulled herself to her feet, hearing still ringing and vision offset, hazy, as she scrambled for the double glass doors. Luckily they already stood open, so she flew through them and out into the busy streets of New York.

Y/n found herself colliding will someone almost instantly, angry shouts of 'hey, watch it!' And 'look where the fuck you're going, kid!' Being called after her like a chorus as she pushed through the bustling people.

She finally stopped, dropping to her knees and simply staring straight ahead, no intended subject in her line of vision as she tried to comprehend the-the grief, at seeing the a soldier's face again.

It had only been two weeks, and yet two weeks without him, his touch, his scent - it felt like an eternity to y/n now. She hasn't registered what her feeling meant for him before, liking him beyond a source of comfort had just felt...wrong, after all he'd done, and yet y/n couldn't deny it.

She was in love with the Winter Soldier, and she didn't even know his name.

...

I wasn't aware of when someone had found me, nor of how they got me back to the tower or even how I was now stood staring blankly out of the window that stood next to my bed. I gazed longingly, almost as if I stared long enough, hard enough, he'd appear.

But of course he wouldn't, he was probably half way across the world, knowing HYDRA. A soft knock on my door and my head was turning, facing my visitor with a look of pure grief and want. Desperate, unhinged want that could eat you up from inside out and you'd still feel it.

"Hey, y/n. Can I talk to you for a moment?" Nat asked tentatively, clearing trying to to disturb my shaken up state. I nodded, offering a small smile which she returned as I now faced her. She walked up to me, talking my hands him hers and playing with the as she spoke, eyes kind and full of understanding.

"There's a mission, and we want you to go." She said calmly, almost as if the mere thought of it would send me into some kind of heart attack.

"Okay," I begun, eyes flitting down to the floor before back up again. "What is it? Aren't you scared that I'm still HYDRA and all I'd do is stab someone in the back?"

"Not exactly." Nat informed me with a smile, amusement glinting in her eyes at my assumption. "For starters, we all trust you, well maybe not steve - but everyone else does." Nat and I both laughed slightly. "And I think you wouldn't have it any other way it to go on the mission yourself." Nat finished.

"How come?" I asked, brow raised.

"There's been a lead..." she started. "On the winter soldier. We thought you might want to help check it out, possibly capture him. Your powers may be the best chance we have a detaining someone as strong as him." Nat spoke. "And if we can detain him.."

"We can save him." I finished.

"Exactly."

[stealingpotatoes]

The World As It Should(’ve) Be(en)

(feat. some illustrations with no consistent style that were all done in under ten minutes)

I know I’m not the only one who thought Delilah’s “The World As It Should Be” could have been a lot cooler.., so get this: what if there was another mission to dh2

(trust me it's a cool idea -- if you can’t be bothered to read, just look at the pictures) 

So EVERYTHING is the same up until the bit where you go into the portal. You roll up to Death To The Empress thinking that's the last mission... but no! You go in the portal and it gives you your end of mission stats! and you're like ?? wait what i thought i was about to go kill Delilah?

The ACTUAL final mission (and actual Delilah take-out mission) takes place in a Much Better version of The World As It Should Be. 

The final mission starts and you land exactly at the port where you start Death To The Empress, but everything is different about Dunwall. everything’s completely off and wack;  it's sunny, the streets are bright, everyone looks happy! there are flowers everywhere! It's super aesthetic and pretty. The clothing’s also different from the rest of the game. 

You walk through the same streets you walked through in the mission you just did, and there aren't wolfhounds and ppl patrolling the streets, it's not in ruin, it all looks very nice! (you land at the docks for parallels/ to make it very obvious what's changed, not because it makes sense). People are talking; they're happy! there are no guards about at all so you can walk freely and see it all, explore around this world. And the people are talking about how great empress delilah is, mainly. 

And as you go through, you find notes, books, and dialogue etc that hints to an entirely different past; in the first parts of dunwall, you find that delilah has been empress for like 26 years! not just a month and a half. The story pieces together as you go along, and you work out that this is a world where Delilah was never thrown out and her father's false promises were fulfilled. This is her world as it should be. 

But things keep happening to remind you that it isn't real; perhaps the sky sometimes turns to the Void, with whales floating above you, and things will somtimes momentarily look like a painting of Delilah's, not detailed reality. People’s speech repeats and loops too often. Creepiest of all, people randomly turn to stone, then back out, as if it never happened. If you put the corrupted rune in earlier, there might be more glitches than if you didn't. the glitches get more pronounced/ more obvious as you get closer and everything starts to feel a little too perfect, more and more as you go on. Everything becomes more uncomfortable. (And if you kill people in the world, nobody reacts at all. They just let you do it)

Plus, overall it feels like a very childish city? as if this might all be a little girl's dollhouse, not a real place. 

You make your way to the Tower, where you find that there’s a party going on. A really nice party -- puts Lady Boyle’s Last Party to shame. Dunwall Tower again looks super nice and aesthetic. The outfits are again really nice but again rather childish. 

A cool glitch here would be the partygoers keep stopping and just looking dead at you w no transition or anything. One second they’re talking, the next everyone at the party is staring straight at you. Then suddenly they’re talking again, as if that never happened. Also a lot of the partygoers faces repeat too often, reminding you that this is a simulation. 

In the tower/ closer to the tower, you find more history stuff, but it's more intimate/ detailed i guess? ONE VERY NOTABLE THING YOU FIND is letters from Jessamine (!!!) who is very much alive but is just -- and has always been -- the imperial princess!!!!!!!

The letters mention stuff that shows she and delilah are close. jessamine is in this and not suffering bc it's delilah's childish, perfect world! where nothing went wrong and jess is still her sister and del doesn't hate jess! (this is to kind of push it in your face that Del is Like You i guess, but also that smthn smthn she's still thinking like a little girl bc this all stems off childhood trauma etc)

Tho as people, not the player character, Emily & Corvo are ignored in the world as it should be/ there's no mention of jessamine's family bc this is delilah's world and she's not thinking abt other people. 

At the party, you see a woman who you discover is Delilah's mother, alive and well -- which again pushes the whole "this is delilah's perfect world". She talks to you a bit, talks about delilah. Makes you see a different side of her (but you can't be sure it's real; this is Delilah’s perfect, adoring world). She says she ought to go somewhere else. Things keep glitching, whales phase through the walls (it’s super cool). 

You continue through the party, when suddenly you see a woman in a dark dress. She stands out from the rest of the party, in their bright colours, and it’s pretty hard to miss her. This woman is none other than Lady Jessamine Kaldwin, your dead mother or secret wife (whose, bear in mind, soul you let go 2 missions ago). Her outfit is similar to the one in Delilah’s childhood painting of her, childishness of Delilah’s world repeated. 

The fact Jessamine is here makes Delilah almost more relatable (especially seeing as you just spoke to her lost loved one, her mother). It makes you understand her more because you know the protag wants more than anything to have a world where Jess lives. It helps you to understand why Delilah made this more. Actually, this whole mission is sort of "uhuhuh delilah is actually sympathetic" BUT you can still very much interpret it as her lying to you, because this is a manipulation of reality -- what's to say she isn't still lying?

Anyway, you can go up and talk to Jessamine (the game sort of encourages you to talk to her). But she doesn’t recognise you. Emily and Corvo don’t exist in Delilah’s false world, so Jessamine has never known you. It’s very painful for the protag (you can hear it in their dialogue), because their loved one is alive, but she doesn’t know you. You have dialogue options to try to convince her it’s you/ she knows you, but they don’t work. 

While Jessamine doesn’t recognise you, she does say she’d certainly like to spend more time with you. She tries to convince you to stay here, more or less (yes, Inception is one of my favourite movies, what about it?) But the protag says they have a mission/ that they need to see Delilah.    

Jessamine will offer to take you to Delilah, which results in a conversation -- will get to that later. The other option is keep winding through the party and to the throne room yourself. 

Either way, you get to the throne room, where you find Delilah. Again direct parallel. Same pose as before, but this time, her throne room isn't dark and covered in murderous vines, it's bright and full of adoring people/ partygoers (it’s a sort of parallel to the start of the game too, especially if you walk in with Jessamine).

 Delilah doesn’t quite know you’re here. She has a vague idea of who you are, but she doesn’t hate you at all. Breanna is by Delilah’s side, no matter what you did in the Conservatory. However, you don’t see any of the other Coup Crew members there -- this highlights how they were just tools to her, not people she cared for.

So you have three (yes, three — this is where things get even more fun) options here. Lethal, non-lethal, and the option I’ll get to later. 

Lethal is straightforward. You kill Delilah however (nobody stops you), and the entire world begins to collapse in on itself/ break apart and very disruptively becomes the Void again. This maybe ends with you having to fight/ assassinate some Delilah copies in the near empty void/ something more similar to the World As It Should Be as we see in game.

Non-lethal is easier if you placed the corrupted rune on the throne in DTTE, but you can still do it otherwise. It would of course be something to do with trapping Delilah in the World -- somehow cutting off the exit before you go so she can’t escape, should she realise this isn’t reality. 

If you pick either of these ways, you go through the portal again and return to the depressing and dark Dunwall, your Dunwall, and free your family member. (Or take the throne if you’re in super high chaos, I guess). All goes the same. 

Now, the third option. The third option is to stay in the false world. It’s to stay with Jessamine, in this perfect Dunwall. To get this option, you talk to Delilah after Jess takes you to her (though you can still talk to her without Jess guiding you, Jess’ll appear). 

Of course, you have the option to talk to Delilah and say this is all crazy, it’s not real, and proceed to do the former two options. But you also have the option to say you understand her or something, and she more or less offers for you to stay. 

When you first express interest in staying, the Outsider suddenly appears. He’s there to try to convince you that you need to get rid of Delilah, and that your other family member is frozen in stone back in the real Dunwall. But then what Delilah does, absolute madlad, is make a copy of your family member, but how they looked in DH1, not now (idk HOW, but she does it -- she is god in this part of the Void so she just can). Delilah wants you to stay, especially if you’re Marked. Jessamine also tries to convince you to remain here, and she’s harder to ignore. 

You again have the option to reject Delilah’s reality (you get a lot of options to do this), but if you choose to ignore the Outsider, you say something about him “wanting to keep power for himself”, just a lot of insulting really (being about as nice as he was to you, maybe.)e’ll disappear again, unable to stay in Delilah’s part of the Void. And you can stay with your unbroken family, with Jessamine who is alive. And not return to the real world, where you don’t know if your family member will be able to be revived from stone. 

(Seeing as Delilah was in Jess’ heart, perhaps she’s able to make a Jess who is almost the same as the Jess you knew)  

The third ending plays on the themes of “emily/ corvo has been ignoring the suffering in the Empire”. This is the ultimate way you can ignore it all. You can choose to completely and utterly ignore the now in ruin empire that you walked through earlier, and ignore all the people you promised to help along the way and everything you learnt. Or, you can show you’ve changed since the start, and go back to harsh reality. It won’t be nice, but you can’t ignore your people’s suffering again. Imo it gives the character more of an arc, rather than only having the option to return to the throne. 

But yeah, if you pick the third ending, the Outsider of course does his speech. He tells you how the Empire has falled to chaos, fallen to civil war, as everyone vys for the throne and its power. He tells you how your allies fare. And then you see Empress Delilah on her throne in the false world (you see a few glitches to remind you it’s fake). But then you see the protagonist and their family together. It’s a really cute family moment, and aside from the protagonist being the wrong age compared to their family (you’ve got adult Em with dh1 Corvojess, or dh2 Corvo with Jess and 10yo Emily). There are no glitches bc the protag would be ignoring them.  Everything seems entirely perfect. 

Anyways! I hope you liked this! Don’t get me wrong, I love Dishonored 2, it’s one of my favourite games. I just think the World As It Should Be was a sort of missed oppurtunity for something VERY cool.