#also genuinely feel like the mentions he gives to rosa about feeling lost

[kyle-valenti]

burnout only feels like burning

2.7k / Summary: kyle valenti doesn't have the same quarantine as his friends; an exploration of kyle's trauma during covid as a doctor. (tw depression & other triggers you’d imagine with this subject)

read & comment/ ao3

A little like the virus itself, Kyle’s relationship with his mask begins with worry, annoyance, and then pain. He’s more than happy to have the proper N-95 mask as they begin to get their first case at Roswell General but then a couple more patients trickle in and within a few days his skin is irritated and itching. Maybe it’s the news, maybe it’s the texts from his friends that he’s increasingly missing, but when the Regiment starts spouting off about how COVID is a joke he thinks it might be affecting his nerves too. By week three his former red mark left by the mask has become a permanent feature to his face and by week five it’s not a mark but a bruise instead. Blisters and cracks in his skin litter his hands from over-washing. His feet become so overused the pads of his feet feel numb and bruised and he wears through an entire pair of shoes.

Positivity has fled from his life by week seven and now he’s inside of a survival mode he’s never experienced. He thought after last year he’d be used to anything the world (or universe, rather, given all these aliens) could throw at him. Now what feels foolish, he had believed that there was nothing that could be worse than the previous pain of losing a patient or finding out his father had experimented on people’s lives. 

When he’s out of ventilators and CPAP machines because Albuquerque needs them more and he has to choose whether or not to save the life of an eighty five year old or a thirty two year old he remembers from high school, he breaks.

 Guilt is one thing, grief is another, but the pure rage he feels knowing that Max Evans is out on the town patrolling as some fucking cop and not someone who could heal most of this hospital makes him want to commit actual murder. Maybe trading the blood of an alien on his hands would feel less heart-wrenching. But no. Max had brought back Rosa and had paid the price. Quelling his anger, he went back to work.

 He slept at the hospital most nights in the height of it. Sure the couch was rough, but it was better than the other on-call doctor beds down the hall. Three twelve hour ER shifts of a usual work week doubled to five days of thirteen hour shifts. Soon there’s a week where he pulls double shifts for an entire week when one of his nurses is urgently hospitalized herself. Hospital directors had left them with no PPE except contaminated masks to reuse. Maria, Isobel, and Rosa are in the forefront of a drive to make and donate masks to his hospital after some social media posts that he doesn’t even see until the cloth masks arrive and his medical assistants give him their handwritten note. It makes him smile, but smiling feels so foreign that he almost wants to break from that.

 Visitors are no longer allowed which means Kyle isn’t allowed to use his bedside manner to comfort the family of patients. He has to facetime mothers, spouses, and children and hold the phone over a patient who can’t breathe without machine assistance and pretend that everything is fine and that there’s still hope despite the hypoxia and lack of rising vitals. Ignore that if the patient goes into cardiac arrest more than once, the kindest thing to do given prognosis is to let the patient pass. Resuscitation and DNR (a patient’s begging request to not be resuscitated) becomes a word he uses in his daily work and not simply for intense surgeries.

 Exhaustion isn’t a deep enough adjective to describe the fugue state he goes into. File to file, room to room, ventilator to next… he isn’t surprised when his body starts to wear down. When he no longer feels hunger and instead feels all too hot and dizzy. Telling himself it’s just because of how much he’s exerting his body while covered in layers and layers of protective clothing doesn’t help the fact that he’s starting to have more trouble breathing as he walks the hallways at a fast pace. When he begins to cough, he does what he promised himself he wouldn’t do and drives out post-shift to the desert cabin of Max Evans.

 Part of him is too desperately tired to knock, but when he arrives on the property with the cop car idle and the house dark and at peace for the night, his fury greets him with the embrace of a long-lost friend. Knuckles pound at the wood and Max answers the door with surprise and a general look of defense, and Kyle tries not to immediately punch him in the face at the fact he looks like he had woken up from a comfortable sleep.

 “Heal me.” Kyle manages to spit out.

 “I—what’s wrong?”

 “Beginning stages of respiratory distress, fever, nausea—what do you fucking think?”

 “Kyle—,” Max starts to say, the hesitation deepening, and that does it.

 “No. I have not asked you for anything in all of this, Evans. Anything!” He shouts, voice hoarse. “Not when people got sick, not when they started dying, not even when we started having to let people die on purpose. And you know what? I wasn’t going to even come and ask you now, but I can’t get sick when I’m the one here fucking saving lives out of the two of us and you’re just cruising the streets handing out goddamn traffic tickets.”

 Max’s face isn’t stony like it usually is when Kyle’s yelling at him; this time it’s crushed and guilty but not nearly enough. “What kind of hours you work this week, Evans? A nice 8 to 4? Did you get facetime with Isobel or your mom, maybe binge through a few books and movies after you’re home? Did you sit down and eat a nice dinner and or go over to drink a few beers with Guerin since you can’t get sick? Even get a nice eight hours of sleep in your own bed in your nice quiet home?”

 No response.

 “I am not asking to sequence your DNA like Liz. All I am asking is for you to let me heal people since you don’t want to.”

 A night breeze is all that makes noise for a moment as Kyle catches his breath and glares at Max, who stands quietly but is staring down at his boots before he finally looks up and nods. Max steps forward then, and Kyle sees that his eyes are actually filled with tears. Temper deflating, but still not subsiding entirely, given that not much else is able to be done; Kyle lets Max place a hand on his shoulder and feels the extremely weird feeling spread throughout his body. Something more electric than anything else, which God knew made a lot more sense concerning his powers and how the body operated with electrical nerve impulses, but that is a train of thought better left for another day. He wants to just walk away, and he almost does, but he still mutters a “thank you” before he does so.

When his nurse dies a few days later and he watches as the staff double bag her body to take to the morgue, he escapes to his office and crashes on his couch with sobs. There’s no one here to support him. He can’t go to his mother’s home and collapse into one of her comforting embraces without risking infecting her. He can’t get wasted at the Wild Pony with Maria when it’s closed. He can’t visit Rosa or Arturo at the Crashdown. Keeping his friends and family safe meant keeping them away from him. Keeping them safe meant he needed to stop pushing his head into his hands to try and control the sound of his crying and get back to work at saving the lives around them.

He gets put on leave by the hospital administrator when he’s almost arrested for decking Wyatt Long in the hospital parking lot as the idiot stood outside with a sign rallying Regiment members to make sure the hospital was told it was killing people on purpose for the election. If Jenna hadn’t been the officer on duty he would have been cuffed and put on record, jeopardizing his license, but there was some self-preserving part of him that desperately wished for his practice to be over anyway. He’s not even sure how Jenna handles it, honestly, all he remembers is her dropping him off at his house from her patrol car like she had been nothing but an uber. No matter how angry and adamant he gets, his boss refuses to bend, saying it’s for his own good given the connections the Long’s have in the town and how Kyle has worked almost 74 of the past 76 days.

Alex is the first to visit him, unannounced. When the doorbell rings Kyle is mindlessly pretending to watch some tv show in his living room that’ll distract him from his consuming thoughts about patients, so he doesn’t get up to answer. He checks his silent phone to see if he was forewarned of a visitor but sees nothing. Unsure if it’s his boss or a patient’s family, he forces himself up onto his sore feet and opens the door after grabbing a regular mask off the coffee table. Black face mask on and standing further out from the door on the porch is Alex, the usual gruff hello turned into something soft. “Hey.”

Kyle heaves a sigh. He had wondered when the pity visits would begin. “Hey. You really shouldn’t be around me, you know.”

“I’m clearly a minimum of eight feet away in an open space while masked.” Alex smarts back. “Either way, I’m worried about you.”

Scoffing, he shakes his head. “Don’t fucking worry about me. Worry about getting sick, because if I have to see another person I care about die, I--,”

“Kyle.” the other says too kindly, the sort of pacifying voice Alex reserved for only the most dire situations. “I have no idea what you’re dealing with in specifics, but my experiences do overlap with yours in some places.”

“And?”

Maybe it came out a little too rude, because Alex raises a brow, but then sighs instead. “And I’m just checking in to make sure you know people care about you.”

“Thanks, Manes.” Kyle huffs in return, managing not to roll his eyes because focusing on being blunt and abrasive was so much easier.

“Just be careful.” Alex interjects before Kyle could close the door and turn back to his show. “Dealing with the trauma of what you’re dealing with gets dark very quickly.”

“Because I punched Wyatt Long?” he spits back sarcastically.

“No, because the suicide rates for healthcare professionals are drastically increasing along with the rates of PTSD diagnoses.” Alex says flatly, ever one to be unfazed by sarcasm. “And I’ve lost more active duty members to suicide than I have combat.”

Kyle pauses, caught. Maybe Alex had known he would be, because there isn’t some way he can give a smile and reassuring wave with him like he could his mother or Liz. While Kyle hadn’t actively thought of a plan, he couldn’t pretend he had noticed signs of depression the second he was alone in his house. 

“The quiet is the worst part, right?” Alex says, all but reading his mind. “Not always because of the flashbacks, although those are horrible, but because if things are quiet then--,”

“--people are dying.” Kyle finishes, his voice raspier by the end of the three words. “Yeah, well, mine still are.”

“They’re going to.” Is what felt like a cold response, but somehow gave Kyle the understanding he’s been craving. “They’re going to die and because of your profession you’re going to be able to save some of them. Which will make you think you’re responsible to save all of them and because you’re a good person you’re going to feel guilty in ways that no one will understand for being human and failing to.”

“Failing is all I do lately.” Kyle replies. “Usually the wins feel higher than the losses as a doctor, but with this-- and no one outside of it cares. They go outside and yell about how this is about a fucking election and when it’s not the patients, it’s the hospital pretending they don’t have enough money to buy us proper protection. Or the government saying this will all go away and that it’s just a light cold.”

Alex gives a small nod. “I know. I also know telling you the same advice that you’d give another doctor of trying not to burn out and instead taking a small rest is useless. So I’m just going to drop off these dvd’s and make you report back to me the difference when you’re done.”

Star Trek and Star Wars. Kyle finds a smile tug on his lips. Alex leaves with one on his as well.

When he gives a response to Alex a few days later on how Star Wars is better not more than a few minutes later Deluca is texting him with recommendations on joining her Buffy the Vampire Slayer rewatch. There’s something sweet about the fact that people have been clearly talking about him, even if definitely borderline creepy with how nosy his circle of friends can be, but he sighs and lets Maria add him to the group chat she has with Rosa and Liz where they review each episode after the fact and even chimes in every now and then. Isobel gets added not long after due to an Instagram story Maria shares and then the group has moved onto Friends after everyone shoots down Liz for suggesting Grey’s Anatomy on behalf of Kyle. Alex is also in there, even if it’s rare he chimes in with an opinion, but once they start Friends his commentary about how much he hates Ross that gets the entire group riled up does tend to make him laugh. Even Kyle agrees with Forest-- whose opinion had been shared by Alex-- that Chandler had all too many queer-coded scenes with Joey.

His mother facetimes him daily, which given how they both don’t exactly go out much starts to become monotonous, until she begins to give in and talk about memories she has of their father. Tidbits she never would have shared with him about their adult life when he was a child or teenager. He in turn facetimes Rosa and shares some of the memories of their father as well, which as much as she tries to pretend she doesn’t want for Arturo’s sake she clearly does with the million questions she asks every single time and the small smile she gives him at the end of their calls.

Liz updates him on her work which is a nice reprieve from everyone’s normalcy and lack of medical jargon sometimes, especially when she gives him inside info on covid vaccine studies not yet published to the general public yet. Everything in him wants this more than anything else in the world right now and he texts her almost every day asking if she’s heard more news even when he knows things take time. She’s a good sport about everything, even when he shares in a very angry rant about Max Evans and how they could have helped so many more people so much more quickly with his DNA-- however selfish that might have been.

When he goes back to work, he feels refreshed, even when it makes things hit like a freight train once more. Lost in a sea of inadequacy, his feelings extend past the pandemic. Even when things return to a level of normalcy and the cases subside he gets alien medical drama thrown in his face once more, and he starts to wonder if he’ll ever recover. If he was wrong to choose this calling. If the fact he can’t help Max or Maria is a sign from above or his father that it’s time to make some career move or change location like his mother and Liz. But, like he tells Michael Guerin. He can’t think he can face his future children and say he walked away from this. Or let people die by quitting, just like Rosa warns. And so he stays and tries to heal both other people and himself.

[amyscascadingtabs]

don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you [chapter 1]

“Actually, I want to add one more rule.” “Yeah?” Jake leans back in his chair, crossing his arms behind his head and flexing his biceps through the green shirt with a smug grin. “You’re not allowed to fall in love with me.” "Won't be a problem."

Amy Santiago doesn't date cops. Jake Peralta's sworn never to date a lawyer again. When a couple of drinks and the returning of a borrowed shirt ends with the two of them in bed together, Amy decides to take control of the situation the best way she knows how: a comprehensive set of rules. There's just one little thing she hadn't anticipated – Jake Peralta is full of surprises.

Written for the B99 Summer 2021 Fic Exchange.

AO3 link // playlist

My contribution to this year’s fic exchange, for @fezzle​! @b99fandomevents​​ 💛

1. i never saw you coming (and i’ll never be the same)

 He gets out of the car, and before Amy can gather the courage to shout after him, he’s disappeared from her sight.

She leans her forehead against the steering wheel, squeezing her fist and punching it in frustration. It doesn’t feel better, just makes her hand hurt. Amy pretends that’s what’s making her eyes tear up, and not the thought that she just screwed up her chances of ever seeing Jake Peralta again.

 five months earlier.

 The cop is five minutes late entering the courtroom, and Amy vows to dislike him from that point onward.

 What's worse is that he doesn't seem ashamed. He simply gives Judge Stewart an apologetic grin, runs a hand through his already messy hair, and sits down on the bench next to the sergeant Amy recognizes as Terry Jeffords. Amy gives him a polite faked smile to tell him she's noted this presence and she's going to win this case, but the cop doesn't seem to notice the toxicity in her facial expression, because she gets another wide grin back. Judging from the colorful marks on his teeth, it looks like he had candy for breakfast – could it be gummy bears? Either way, Amy's respect for the man sinks even lower.

 At least she won't have to worry about him, she tells herself. She already knows this case is about to be a win.

 That is until it turns out this man has a reply for everything. She’d been certain the evidence against her client was circumstantial at best, nowhere near enough to get him convicted on, and the notes she’d gone through from the initial police questioning had lacked significant information. It had been nothing short of sloppy, and she’d entered the courthouse this morning filled with glowing confidence. That same confidence is now seeping away, dripping onto the polished floors of the courtroom in exchange for heated frustration as it turns out the detective – Jake Peralta, she learns – was present at the scene earlier than Amy had gathered, and from the vantage point he had, saw her client running from the corner store at full speed.

“Would you say it’s possible my client was running for a different reason?” She asks, staring coldly into the detective’s eyes as she speaks. “Such as exercising, perhaps?”

“Well, he was carrying a huge green backpack, identical to the one he was wearing when my partner Charles caught him ten minutes later. So, no,” he says, meeting her look with a smug smile of his own. “I would say that’s unlikely.”

“But not impossible?”

“Considering we also found the stolen goods in that same backpack, I’d say the chance is pretty solid it was him.”

“The bags couldn’t have been switched? Or, as my client claims, the goods couldn’t have been dropped in there by someone who wanted to get rid of them?”

“With all due respect,” says Jake Peralta, and the self-assuredness in his voice is enough for her to know the case is lost. “The streets were more crowded than a Taylor Swift concert, your honor. Someone would have seen something.”

 ~

 It’s late Friday afternoon by the time Amy returns to the office of Newsom & Associates, but there’s still plenty of her coworkers left to watch as she throws her briefcase on top of the chair before closing the door to her office and digging out her pack of shame cigarettes from the bottom drawer of her desk. The only window in the room opens out to a back alley with trash cans and forgotten bikes, which is a drab view most of the time but comes in handy for secret shame-smoking. She closes her eyes and leans back against the wall, trying to savor the first inhale. She hates the habit and always tells herself she’s going to quit soon, but at times when work stresses her out like this, there’s no better fix. It’s all Jake Peralta’s fault, anyway. He’d waved at her when they’d left the courtroom, looking genuinely pleased to see her, and that had only worsened her frustration. It’s one thing being defeated – it’s worse when the winner acts like it wasn’t even a big deal.

 “You should stop that.” The sound of Rosa’s voice appearing in the doorway to Amy’s office causes her to inhale too much smoke, coughing and tearing up as she hurries to extinguish the cigarette butt on the windowsill. “It’s gross.”

“I needed it,” Amy coughs again before drying her eyes with the sleeve of her blazer. “You should’ve been there. That fucking detective ruined my defense.”

“So? It happens. Doesn’t make you a bad lawyer. Stop pitying yourself.”

“You’re just saying that because you win nearly all your cases,” Amy mumbles. “And everyone’s terrified of you.”

Rosa does a little shrug, but Amy thinks she can spot the hint of a smile on her lips. She can’t be certain, though. Rosa almost never smiles, but that’s not nearly the most terrifying thing about her. She also rides her motorcycle to court and wears leather jackets and skin-tight black jeans to trials, and somehow no one's ever dared to police her on it. Amy once asked her out of curiosity if putting on a blazer would really hurt that much, and the stare she got back told her she’d be a fool to make that mistake again.

“Either way, it's not that. It was that cop who ruined everything. I mean, he showed up late, for god’s sake, with candy in his teeth and a wrinkled suit! But he somehow had an answer and explanation for everything,” Amy snorts. “And he smiled the whole time like he’d already won. And he referenced Taylor Swift! During the trial! Who does that?”

Rosa lets out a laugh. “You're a Swift hater? God, please don't tell me you took Kanye’s side too.”

“I didn't – that's beside the point!”

“Which is?”

“That he has zero respect for the sacred rules of a courtroom, and gets away with it all because of that super-charm smile.”

“Yeah, you mentioned the smile. Twice.”

“It was just so…” She clenches her fist until her red nails press into her palm to the point of pain, then releases it. “It's fine. I’ll win my next case, and there are lots of cops in New York. I probably won't ever see him again.”

 ~

 Amy can barely hide her frustration in court the next week when she hears the doors open and looks up from the papers she was sorting, only to see Jake Peralta for the second time in her life. He’s on time today, which she supposes is progress, but there are stains on his shirt that seem to be coming from the can of orange soda he’s holding in his hand. She wonders if it's his breakfast. If that's his diet, he looks surprisingly fit in a grey suit for it.

 He grins again when he sees her, raising his hand in a lazy wave. Amy gives him a forced smile, then returns to her papers. She’ll have to make sure to win this time.

 But despite her confidence and very best efforts, she loses to Jake Peralta yet another time.

And another.

And another.

 It's not that she's suddenly magically unlucky, because she still manages to win several other cases, but every time Jake Peralta shows up to testify, without fault, Amy loses.

It infuriates her.

 The worst part is that Jake seems oblivious to her anger. He smiles at her every time they leave the courtroom, even though she returns them with little to no genuineness at all. She once spots him doing a childish victory gesture outside the courthouse, but he never once takes the opportunity to brag about his win to her face.

 Aside from his surprisingly good manners when it comes to bragging, though, he's a mess. There's always some kind of stain on his shirt or his cheek that he seems unaware of, his ways of describing things involve one too many pop culture references for Amy’s liking, and she starts preparing to meet him every time a detective is five minutes late. She wonders if no one's ever told him how one is supposed to behave in a courtroom, but he’s usually accompanied by the precinct’s sergeant, so that seems unlikely. The more likely option, Amy figures, is that he just doesn't seem to find it that important; especially considering he seems to get away with it every single time.

 She swears it's all because of that stupid infectious smile.

 ~

 It pleases Amy to no end when she learns that Jake Peralta is going to be the witness in one of the strongest cases she’s had in a long while. The client was clearly acting in self-defense, she has a witness of her own who can testify to that, and although she knows that nothing is for certain until the verdict falls, she’s got a good feeling about this one. Finally, the day has come for Jake Peralta to watch her win.

 At first, the state attorney’s case seems solid. Jake is assisted by a short, round-faced man with dark brown hair and an expression that looks like he’s seconds away from apologizing for taking up everyone’s time, but his suit is matched and perfectly straight and he gets right to the point without any odd references, so Amy still earns a fair amount of respect for detective Charles Boyle. He and Jake had entered the subway car after hearing about a fight taking place, and stepped on just in time to watch her client aim a closed-fist punch at the face of the man on top of him. It’s clear and convincing, but Amy knows that after the recess, it will be her time to shine. She loves these moments, when it’s obvious the other side thinks they have it in the bag but she knows something they don’t, and they have no idea what’s coming. She knows trials are about justice and not personal victories – but she’s only human. Winning is always a thrill.

 She’s thinking about how she’s going to be celebrating her win later this evening when Jake Peralta bumps into her at the coffee shop neighboring the courthouse. As in, literally bumps into her, with his elbow when he hurries forward to grab a plastic cup with whipped cream and so much caramel syrup on top of the coffee that Amy pities his dentist.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry… wait, it's you!” He shines up as if he’d just seen a past good friend, and Amy’s once more taken aback by how polite he is. A lot of cops she meets during trials either tend to make fun of her profession or glare bitterly at her from a distance, but Jake's doing neither. He even reaches out his free hand to shake hers, so she accepts. “Jake Peralta – wow, you have a very firm handshake.”

“I took a seminar. Amy Santiago.”

“Where?” He asks, but she ignores him and moves forward in line to order her coffee with milk.

“Nothing for your client? Wow. I’d expected you to have better manners than that, Santiago.”

“I offered, but he wanted to spend recess with his partner for moral support. See?” She raises a brow at him. “I do have manners.”

There's that smile again, up close this time, and Amy's relieved when the barista hands her the coffee so she can hide the involuntary blush in her cheeks. She never noticed he had dimples before.

“So, how are you feeling about the rest of the trial, then? Ready to go defend the guilty guy?”

“Innocent until proven guilty, Peralta. Famously one of the most sacred principles in the American justice system. And I was born ready.”

“And lose. The whole question was, are you ready to go defend the guilty guy and lose, and you said you were born that way.” Jake grins in a way that makes him look like an overgrown mischievous school kid. Maybe not that far off, Amy thinks.

“Twist my words all you want, I am winning this case.” She hesitates for a moment, noticing Jake's detective partner looking at the two of them from a table in the corner of the room. Not normally something she'd be that creeped out by, if it hadn't been for the fact that the man isn’t tearing his eyes away from them, and he looks weirdly overjoyed. “Uhm, is detective Boyle okay? He's staring at us pretty intensely.”

“Huh? Oh yeah, he has… an eye condition.” Jake turns around and mouths something that looks to be BOYLE, and the man rolls his eyes before stalking away. “Ignore him. Anyway… so what do you think about the judge?”

 Amy's about to launch into a description of her good experience with judge Myers when someone brushes past her with their iced coffee in a hurry, losing control of the plastic cup. The unsecured lid wobbles, and before Amy realizes what’s about to happen, cold coffee splashes onto her earlier pristine white blouse. “Fuck!” She reaches for a bunch of paper napkins and tries to dab the worst away with them, but the milky coffee is already seeping through the fabric and leaving an obvious stain that her blazer can’t hide.

“What a jerk,” Jake mutters, glaring in the direction of where the stranger disappeared.

“Never mind that! I don’t have another shirt! I can’t go into a courtroom looking like this! Unlike you, I actually care about whether my clothes have giant stains on them!”

“First of all, rude, and second of all, they’re not giant.”

“I don’t care. I’m screwed. Fuck, I don’t have time to run back home before the trial starts – I guess I could call Rosa –”

“Hey, hey.” Jake holds up his hands as if trying to calm her down, which only makes Amy more frustrated. “I know this is kind of crazy, but, I have a shirt in my car that I was planning to return to my ex. But emphasis on ex, so…” He shrugs. “You could borrow it?”

 Amy considers her options. On the one hand, she figures there’s about an eighty percent chance that whatever Jake has in his car also has some kind of mysterious stain on it, but on the other hand, she took the subway today and there's no way she’ll make it to her apartment and back before the court is back in session. Asking for a longer recess is an option, but making everyone wait simply because she needs a change of clothes makes her too uncomfortable to even consider.

“Fine,” she relents. “Where's your car?”

 Jake's car turns out to be an old Mustang, which Amy can tell even from her strictly limited car-knowledge is pretty impressive, but she doesn't understand how he can find anything in there. The backseat is a mess of empty orange soda bottles, a couple of frisbees, candy wrappers, what looks to be cartoons and old CDs, and the cup holders have shaving foam next to another can of orange soda. She's equally surprised and impressed when he pulls out a clean, dark blue charmeuse blouse. Whoever Jake's ex-girlfriend was, she seems to have both taste and money.

“You're totally saving my day today,” she says as he gives it to her. “You really didn't have to.”

“Prove that cops aren't all bad?” Amy rolls her eyes, and Jake laughs. “Just kidding. You have to give it back, though.”

“As soon as I’ve washed it. Wait, we have to be able to get in touch.” She digs in the inside pocket of her briefcase and pulls out two of her business cards. “I’m assuming you don't have any, so write your number on the back of that one.”

“Rude, but correct.” He scribbles down something on one of the cards before giving it back. “I’ll see you up there, then… Amy Santiago.”

Something about the way he says her name, slowly and with perfect pronunciation, makes her want to hear it again. She hurries back into the building and toward the bathrooms, hopefully before he can tell that she's blushing.

 “The defense may call the next witness.”

“The defense calls Elinor Simons.” Amy can feel everyone's eyes on her as well as the witness as a young girl, no more than eighteen, walks up to the stand. She's pale, but she looks determined, and Amy gives her a comforting smile as she swears the oath.

 Elinor’s voice trembles at her first words, but Amy keeps steady eye contact with her, and soon she’s speaking louder and less hesitant. She had been on her way to her friend’s house when she entered the same subway car as the two young men, and had overheard the two of them fighting over something. Sitting only a few seats away from them in the near-empty car, she’d noticed the defendant looking scared, and out of curiosity, had turned off her music. She’d heard the man who’d later gotten attacked – Mr. Lorentz – scream that the defendant was an asshole, and then she’d seen him push him to the floor, much unlike the way the prosecution had described a course of events in which both men had slipped. It had scared her, so she’d gotten up to walk away, but before she could move she’d seen Mr. Lorentz leaning down.

“It looked like he was about to hit the defendant,” she says without wavering, and Amy can see a few of the jury members nodding in understanding. “And even if they were about the same size, Mr. Lorentz looked really strong. The defendant tried, but it seemed to me like he was unable to get up. I remember thinking this wasn’t going to end well, so I headed for the end of the car before they noticed me.”

“And you’re sure of what you saw?”

“Completely sure. I only found out later that the defendant was a cousin of my sister’s boyfriend, which is how I learned about the trial.”

Amy nods and clasps her hands together, trying to assume a confident stance as she keeps her eyes focused on the witness stand. “Elinor, in the position he was in, do you believe that the defendant would have been scared?”

“I think anyone would have been.”

“So the punch witnesses watched the defendant throw, could it have been in self-defense?”

“Yes. Yes, I think so.”

Amy smiles. “Thank you. No further questions.”

 The prosecution’s closing arguments are short and precise, sticking entirely to the part of the events that took part after the police walked in. The district attorney, a balding man in his fifties, as good as overlooks Elinor’s testimony in favor of focusing in on detailed descriptions of the headaches Mr. Lorentz had experienced after the event, and that alone is enough to make Amy’s blood boil; but instead she just sits there, waiting with a polite smile on her lips.

 Finally, the other attorney sits down, and the judge nods at Amy to stand up. During her very first trials, this moment used to freak her out – everyone’s eyes on her and waiting expectantly – but with time she’s come to love this. It reminds her of the thrill of getting the last word in a heated fight with her siblings when she was younger, only now, she doesn’t have to shout to be heard. Everyone’s already listening.

 “Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury: it’s correct that the defendant hit Mr. Lorentz on that train. He admits to doing so himself.” Amy nods to the young man sitting next to her, fidgeting nervously with the cuffs on his shirt. “But there is one key aspect which the prosecution has so conveniently chosen to ignore, and that is the events which led up to Mr. Petersen’s actions. A background which he not only has explained clearly himself, but which is also backed up by Ms. Simmons’ testimony.” She gestures with her hand to Elinor.

“You see, Mr. Petersen wasn’t acting unprovoked. When the incident happened, he had been pushed to the floor, and like both my client and the witness described, he was unable to get up. Mr. Lorentz himself admits to practicing weightlifting; he’s not a weak man, and in the moment, he was clearly upset with the defendant. As Ms. Simmons put it… “ She takes a break to gather the attention of everyone in the room. “Anyone in that position would have been terrified.”

“Under New York Law, Penal Law paragraph thirty-five point fifteen, a person is justified in using physical force against another, when that person is under the reasonable belief that the physical force is necessary to defend the person from what they reasonably believe to be the illegal imminent use of force or the illegal use of force. Mr. Petersen was stuck, and under the reasonable belief that Mr. Lorentz could hurt him unless he managed to free himself. He acted in self-defense, which I remind you that the prosecution has not been able to disprove. In fact, the case against Mr. Petersen cannot be proved against reasonable doubt, which means that you must find him… not guilty.”

 From the other side of the room, she swears she can feel Jake’s eyes on her. When she looks up, she sees him mouthing nice job.

 ~

 “What did you say he looked like, now again? Except for crazy hot and adorable?” Kylie takes another sip of her mojito, spying over the crowded bar.

“Okay, I said neither of those things.”

Kylie shrugs. “Didn’t have to.”

“Ugh. Whatever. Brown hair, brown eyes, medium height, I guess kind of a bigger nose… and I don’t know what he wears outside of court, but there was a leather jacket in the front seat of his car, so maybe that?” She strains her neck to try and see through the Friday night crowd. She’s never been to this particular Brooklyn bar before, but Jake had suggested it when Amy asked about a good place to give him back the shirt, and she’d figured after a long week, she might as well treat herself to a couple of after-work drinks with a friend. After being asked about the so-called mystery hottie five times, though, she’s starting to regret bringing Kylie along.

“Mm, that’s like, all the guys in here… oh, wait, that one’s waving to you!” Kylie points to a figure near the door, elbowing Amy in the side and causing her to nearly choke on her wine. She’s still coughing when Jake walks up to them, trying to offer him a smile while drying her eyes. Jake looks politely confused, but shakes Kylie’s hand in the meantime.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” she says with a meaning wink to Amy before sliding off the leather barstool, leaving it for Jake. “Have a good night!”

“Ignore her.” Amy sighs. “Sorry, I…”

“No, no worries,” Jake says, and the honest care in his expression makes her feel oddly warm. “You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry.” She waves a dismissive hand and picks up the dry-cleaning bag hanging on the back of her chair. “Well, here’s the shirt. Thank you for the loan. Or thank your ex, I suppose.”

“Dry-cleaned, really? You truly are type A.”

“What about it?”

“Nothing, it makes sense.” He nods to the glass in her hand. “Celebrating Tuesday’s win?”

“Something like that. It was Monday, though,” she can’t stop herself from correcting him. “I don’t get a lot of time off. Gotta make the best out of it.”

“Yeah, me neither. Do you mind if I join you for another drink? Or maybe you should do water, in case you choke again?”

Something about the way he poses it like a challenge makes her take the glass, put it to her lips, and swallow the rest of the wine in one gulp. “I think I can handle it.”

 They pay for their own drinks, because whatever this meeting is, it’s definitely not a date, and it makes Amy relieved that Jake doesn’t seem to think so either.

“A toast,” he suggests. “To your win this week. I gotta give it to you, those closing statements were solid.”

“To justice,” Amy says, and they raise their beer bottles in unison. “And my win. Finally.”

“Yeah, what has it been, like, five wins for me?”

“Four, but dream on, Peralta.”

Jake laughs. The dimples in his cheeks become even more prominent when he laughs, Amy notes. “Have you always been this intense about winning cases, then? Or is it something that comes with law school? Like there’s a class in being petty about this stuff?”

You’re intense too, she thinks, but doesn’t say it out loud. “Maybe. I have seven brothers, and I was the only girl. I got pretty good at winning fights using other things than physical strength when I was a kid. Actually, sometimes physical strength, too.”

“I feel like you could beat someone up if you wanted to. You could surprise them.”

“Oh, I could most definitely beat someone up if I wanted to. But I stuck to arguing. I got good at it. And I always had good grades, so I ended up at Columbia, and I’ve never really regretted it.” She takes a swig of her beer. “Not even when cops call me the devil.”

“I wouldn’t call you the devil,” Jake says. “I mean, do I think you lack a bit of a moral compass? Probably. But each to their own.”

She leans her head a little bit to the side, eyeing him closely. “Why do you think that?”

“Well, you have to defend people that you know did awful things, right? Doesn’t that make you feel sick sometimes?”

“I don’t have to defend their actions. Most times, it’s not even about that. It’s about making sure the trial is fair, the evidence is sufficient and their rights are respected, so that if there’s a conviction, it’s actually beyond any reasonable doubt. I like to believe most people are better than their worst moments. I see it as my job to make sure they’re treated that way.”

“Huh.” Jake nods slowly. “Guess I never thought of it that way.”

“Plus,” she winks, “someone’s gotta hold you guys accountable, right?”

“Fine.” He shakes his head. “Hey, did you say you went to Columbia? My captain’s husband teaches law there. Did you ever have a Kevin Cozner?”

“No way! Your captain is Raymond Holt?” She’s speaking way too loudly, she can tell from the way other people are glancing at her, but Jake looks entertained. “Sorry, it’s just – Professor Cozner was my favorite constitutional law teacher. I still send him and Raymond Christmas cards every year!”

“That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.” Jake grins. “But, how weird is that? Almost like the universe is bringing us together or something.”

Amy thinks that it’s not that weird, since Kevin must teach hundreds of students every year that g on to become lawyers, but she kind of wants to keep seeing that smile on Jake’s face forever, so she nods. “So weird.”

 They order another drink, plus some chips and nuts when Jake realizes he forgot to eat dinner, and move to another table in the back of the room. Amy’s surprised how comfortable she feels in his presence. It’s like she can’t wipe the smile off her face but doesn’t want to, and with time and a little more alcohol, jokes that she barely would have noticed on any other day become laugh-out-loud funny. It feels natural, even though she’s not sure how, and she tries not to glance at the clock on the wall when he doesn’t either. She’s got work to do tomorrow and she can’t stay out forever, but she doesn’t want to be reminded that this evening has to end at some point.

 “So what made you become a cop, then?” She asks when she realizes she’s the only one who’s shared her origin story tonight. “Childhood superhero dreams?”

Jake shines up like he’s been waiting for the question all night. “Oh, that’s easy. Die Hard.”

“Really?”

“For sure. Actually, my mom said I was always good at protecting people, so I ended up doing it for a job. But I think that’s bullshit. It was definitely Die Hard.”

“I’ve never seen it,” Amy confesses, and Jake stares at her like she just insulted his entire being. “But if you want a cop movie, my top three’s Training Day, Lethal Weapon, and Fargo.”

“Wrong, wrong, and wrong! How can you not have seen Die Hard? It’s classic, man!”

“I just never did! How many lawyer movies have you seen, then?”

“Uhm…” Jake squints. “Charles made me watch Legally Blonde once? It was pretty good, honestly.”

“Well, duh, that movie is a cinematic masterpiece and a feminist work of art. How feminist is Die Hard, from a scale of one to ten?”

“Hey! Holly Gennaro does plenty of cool stuff throughout the movies! You’re just going to have to watch them yourself.”

“I can almost guarantee you I won’t.”

“Fine, but you’re missing out.” He grabs a couple of peanuts from the jar between them, throwing them in the air and catching them in his mouth. “Cool trick, right?”

Amy raises an eyebrow. “Is this what you do at work all day?”

“I did teach myself that during stakeouts, but no. Whatever. Throw me another one.” She does, and he catches it again, this time almost sliding off the barstool in the process. She laughs a bubbling laugh as he does it another time. “Now you.”

“Fine. Try me.” The peanut flies through the air between them, and she tries to dive for it, but it just ends up landing at her feet. “Okay, another one.” She misses that one too. “Okay, there must be something wrong with these nuts.”

“Title of your sextape.”

“Title of my what?”

“Nevermind.” Jake laughs. “You just need some practice. Maybe at work? It could liven up a trial.”

“Nuh-uh, don’t need practice. Just need a better tactic.” Without thinking, she grabs a handful of them this time, throwing them in the air. This time, she catches a few of them in her mouth, while the rest end up spread over the couch and floor. “The key is volume!”

“Yeah, and the bartender is looking at you like he wants to kill you, so maybe don’t do it again or we’ll get thrown out.”

“It’s fine, I’m a lawyer.”

“That phrase works well to get out of trouble?”

“If you know what you’re doing. We could order more drinks to keep him happy?”

“Shots?”

“I’m down if you’re down.”

 Jake orders a Kamikaze shot for each of them, and as she reaches forward to take the second glass, her hand brushes against the top of his for a moment longer than necessary, resting there. It’s warm, and it feels calloused but somehow soft at the same time. They look at each other, his light brown eyes staring into hers, and she feels instantly hyper-aware that they’re around far, far, too many people.

She lets go of his hand, taking the shot and swallowing it before anyone can notice what’s happening. It smells like sour hand sanitizer and burns going down, and she laughs at Jake’s grimace when he drinks his.

“God, every time.” He shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. “Hey, I know this is crazy, but… do you maybe want to get out of here? We could have another drink at my place… watch Die Hard… whatever.”

“Mm, yeah. Maybe I should check that the shirt gets back to your place properly?”

“Shirt? What shirt? Oh, right, fuck, the shirt!” Jake spins in place, rushing back to the table where they were just sat. “Shit, I probably spilled beer on it, Sophia’s going to be pissed now...”

“It’s still in the bag, smartass.” Amy shows him. “Ta-da. Shirt’s still clean. Comes in handy being type A sometimes, huh?”

Jake sighs. “I know you're making fun of me, but I could seriously kiss you right now.”

 Maybe it’s the four drinks, maybe it’s the thrill that comes with how rarely she does this, or maybe it’s just sheer and wild impulse, but Amy finds herself whispering,

“Maybe we should get out of here, then.”

 ~

 Amy learns a lot of things that night.

 She learns that Jake Peralta is a seriously good kisser, tasting faintly of orange soda beneath the alcohol and salt, and that being pressed against his front door with his hands protecting her head strikes the perfect balance between feeling adventurous and safe. She learns that he’s never really quiet, soft moans and sighs filling the room in the breaks between their kisses, but that the sound only makes her want more.

 She learns that he wears even more layers than her. Beneath the leather jacket and hoodie is a checkered blue flannel that has way too many buttons for her liking right now, and she curses her slight tipsiness while working at them one by one. When she's finally done, Jake pulls the grey t-shirt over his head, and she barely has time to pause to admire how he somehow can look fit despite that catastrophic diet, or the curls on his chest that are begging for her to run her fingers through them, before he's asking “my turn?”. She learns that Jake Peralta is impatient, that his hands work fast on the buttons of her cerise shirt, and that he gets adorably confused when he can't find the button on her suit pants.

“It's on the side,” she tells him and shows him the zipper, and then they're both giggling until she kisses him like that and it's back on again.

 She learns that his hands feel good, sliding slowly up the sides of her stomach and back and rubbing against her shoulder blades. She unclasps the white t-shirt bra for him, smiling to herself as he swallows quickly.

“God, you’re hot,” he whispers, and the soft bites he trails down her chest and stomach make her feel that way, too.

 They move to his bed, leaving a trail of clothes behind them, and then she’s underneath him and breathing hard as his mouth moves lower, closer. The anticipation of it all is driving her mad, but then he looks up at her and asks “okay?” with the most sincere and caring expression, and Amy’s had very, very few one-night-stands in her life, but she’s certainly never had one like this.

“Okay,” she nods, and there’s that familiar grin again, but this time it makes her feel warm in a very specific place.

 She learns that Jake Peralta can do a whole lot more with his mouth than talking people’s ears off. His breath ghosts over her through her underwear at first, warming her up even though it’s barely even necessary, and then he’s finally pulling down the black material and helping her kick them off. His tongue is careful at first, just tasting her as if to gauge her expression, but then she nods at him to continue and the next second, her head is thrown back as she lets out a gasp.

 She learns that he likes it when she pulls his hair. At first, her hands are just lightly tangling in it for practicality, but then she holds on tighter as a means of control when her legs begin to tense up and the familiar pressure is starting to rise. She’s raising her hips slightly only to lower them again, helping him get her there, and the curls of his hair are just begging to be pulled.

“Do that again,” he pauses to say, so she tugs his hair harder and he straight-up moans.

 She learns that he can make her scream, which she wasn’t expecting, and she rocks through the euphoric waves and pants and practically melts into the bed as she comes down from it.

“That good?” He winks, and she wants to roll her eyes, but he did just make her come harder than she remembers doing in a long time, so she kisses the smile off of him instead, tasting her arousal on his lips.

She learns that he's respectful and a gentleman, telling her that they can stop this here if she'd rather, but she doesn’t want to, and they don’t. He has to rifle through the drawer in his bedside table for a while before he finds a condom – maybe he doesn’t do this as often as she’d thought, maybe it’s another sign of his poor organization skills, but he finds one soon enough so she’s not sure she cares – and then it’s a little bit of a blur, but she rolls it on him with precise strokes and lowers herself on top of him and oh my god.

 She learns that when he looks at her, when he touches her, it makes her feel powerful and special all at once. He plays with her boobs as she sets the pace, his thumbs rolling against her nipples in a way she didn’t realize she liked, and she picks up her rhythm, clenching around him and leaning back on his raised thighs.

 She learns just how enjoyable it is to watch him fall apart underneath her. His pace stutters and he curses, groaning a confession of how close he is, and she could almost come again from watching him alone but she brings two fingers to her clit and touches herself anyway. He finishes before her, spilling out inside the condom with a moan that she can only imitate, collapsing against his chest as she brings herself to orgasm again right after him.

 When they're done learning, they collapse together in his bed. For a moment, Amy considers turning around and calling a cab home, because that would be the most responsible thing to do, but then Jake throws an arm around her to pull her closer, and after all, she's still a little tipsy.

What harm could it possibly do, anyway?

 ~

 Sharp, unforgiving morning light wakes Amy up before her alarm the next morning. She must have forgotten to close the blinds last night, she thinks, and rolls over on the other side so the light doesn't hurt her eyes. She expects the usual greeting of a sea of pillows, and has to stop herself from letting out a yelp of surprise when instead, she's hit with a wall of Jake sleeping with his back to her. A vague memory of them falling asleep like this hits her. He’d wanted to be the little spoon, she remembers.

 At first, knowing that intimate fact about him makes her feel proud. Then it makes her panic.

 She jumps out of bed, throwing off her part of the comforter in search of her clothes. She finds her underwear and bra together with her shirt, trying to dress as quietly as possible, quick before Jake wakes up and discovers that she's half-naked in his apartment and they have to have a very, very awkward talk –

“Amy? What are you doing?”

Too late.

 She freezes on the spot, chewing on her lip as she fumbles for an explanation. Jake’s eyes rake over her with curiosity, which somehow feels a lot more exposing today than it did last night, and it's making her lose track of her words. His bed head curls and disoriented smile is decidedly not helping her focus.

“We slept together last night,” she manages.

Jake’s smile grows wider and prouder as he sits up fully in bed. Amy blushes as she notices the shadow of two hickeys way too close to his neck to be professional.

“Yeah, I was there.”

“Very funny.” She sees her pants thrown across the back of a massage chair and quickly reaches for them. “But this… You know this can’t be a thing, right? Just so we're on the same page about it.”

Jake frowns. “What do you mean with a thing?”

“This – us – we can't date, Jake. I know that. You know that.”

He’s silent for a moment before he fakes a shudder. “Yeah, yeah, no. I’ve dated lawyers before. Never ends well.”

“You have?” The reveal surprises her. “It doesn't matter. This can’t happen.”

“I know.”

“Good,” she exhales. “I’m just going to find my clothes, then, and then I’m going to leave.”

“Hey, wait.” He twists his hands together, bringing them to his chin with a smile. “This is going to sound weird, but… even if nothing can happen between us, I’m still glad we had sex last night.”

 The confession takes her by surprise, and Amy wonders again if she just doesn't know anything about one-night-stands. Sleep together, have fun, sneak out in the morning before anything can go deeper – isn't that how it's supposed to go? If so, she's majorly failing, because she can't stop herself from giving him another shy smile in return.

“Me too. Just because, we were like… really good at it.”

“Stupid good!” Jake exclaims. “It makes no sense!”

“We still can't date, though,” she reminds him. “So how do we work this out?”

“Well, it sort of looked like you were planning to just leave, and I’m not going to stop you if that's your choice, but… there is one more option.”

“What are you thinking?”

“We could be friends with benefits,” he shrugs. “None of the commitment, none of the weird incompatibilities between a cop and a lawyer, just us and some stupid good sex.”

“Friends with benefits? Do the kids really say that, still?”

“I’m saying you could consider it.”

 Amy's first instinct is to protest, to say absolutely not and leave on the spot. Her relationship history may not contain that many names, but at least they’ve all been fairly straightforward and conventional. She's never done something like this before, and the mere idea of jumping into something so unknown with someone like Jake scares her shitless.

 Then again, she's also never been with someone like Jake. Yesterday hadn't been a date, but it had still been better than all the awkward dinners and half-hearted walks she's been at since she broke up with Teddy a year ago. And the sex – well, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't already thinking of doing that again.

 “There would need to be rules,” she says.

“Sure, we can come up with some.”

“I’ll write a contract.”

“We need a contract?”

“Yeah,” she decides. “If this is going to work, we need a comprehensive set of rules, and they need to be written down, because I don't trust you not to adjust them in your head last minute.”

“How am I attracted to you? But, fine.”

Amy shakes her head, closing the last button on the shirt that had been left unbuttoned until now. “So… I’ll put together a draft and bring it over tonight? Your place?”

Jake gapes at her for a moment like he can't believe what he hears, but then he nods. “I’m free.”

“Cool. I’ll see you tonight, then.” With that, she pulls on her socks and shoes, leaving before she can freak out again.

“Cool, cool,” she hears just before closing the door. “Friends with benefits. Cool, cool, cool, cool… cool.”

 ~

[normal-thoughts-official]

any headcanons about mental health / coping strategies for our fav warlocks and vampire? ;) we know quite a lot about magnus in canon but still, never enough lmao; and how about raphael, ragnor and cat? they all been thru a lot, poor babies, and im willing to bet you have thoughts on the matter *sly smirk*

well it depends on what they are coping WITH, u know daoidjsaodij different strategies for different problems and all that. i do think that magnus and raphael in particular have a lot of common coping mechanisms, because they taught each other a lot of shit. i also think there is a lot of stuff that had bothered magnus but he never stopped to think of a solution FOR until he started thinking of what he could do for raphael (and vice versa) because he is that kind of person

like when magnus and raphael are first shopping raphael notices that he likes vests and other stuff like that because of his hyposensitivity to pressure so it feels nice to have something that's like, tight around his torso, you know? so magnus is like great, let's get you lots of vests :)) and then he sees some he likes and tries them on and he's like wait a minute............. i DO like the pressure too....... have i been hyposensitive to pressure this whole time?? (spoiler alert: yes)

then for magnus of course we have drinking which is not his healthiest coping mechanism in any way lmao, but sometimes they do be unhealthy. again i don't think magnus is an alcoholic per se but he does have a suboptimal relationship with the way he turns to it to be able to cope with certain situations he can't escape. i presume this has a bit to do with the fact that he frequently is in stressful (not to mention sensory overloading) situations during parties and other events where you have lots of alcohol, so you know, drinking helps dull his senses and get rid of some of the anxiety. or if he's having a depressive episode, it can also make him more sociable, give him some energy, you know. so i think because it was something that was acceptable for him to use and that helped with many of his problems in social situations he can't escape, if became a coping mechanism (again, an unhealthy one)

healthier coping mechanisms tho! i think magnus also enjoys tea when he needs to calm down. we've seen him drinking tea quite a few times after having flashback episodes and i'm sure it's a coping mechanism to him. helps calm him down and also stay in the present because of the sensations, without overwhelming him because it's not a strong drink, you know? it eases him back into reality. it also can't hurt his insomnia, or, if it's already morning and he's had another insomnia episode, he can drink black tea and have some more energy. so all in all a good helper

magnus definitely stims magically! and uses magic a lot with a lot of his other problems like sensory issues for example. a place is too loud? he can use magic to dull the noises. same for colors, etc., although i think noise might be his biggest problem. and unwanted touch, which we all know magnus canonically hates, so of course there's that too. but also like, stuck in a talk with some boring clave member and he has to stay still even tho adhd mind all over the place? hands behind his back, playing with little sparkles between his fingers that no one can see. pretty much unnoticeable. i think some of his "party tricks" like lighting up the drinks blue and shit come with this purpose. it's just a quick magic letout. also helps a lot to deal with anger or panic, which commonly come very strongly when you have c-ptsd, but he's long learnt to deal with because his survival depends on keeping himself in check and not showing vulnerability a lot of the time

he also stims with his rings which we've seen a bit of. i think this is particularly important to him when it comes to keeping himself in the present, i.e. avoiding flashback episodes, intrusive thoughts and the like

i also think parties work as coping mechanisms in particular with the c-ptsd. sometimes the overstimulation of the ambience is exactly what he needs in order to keep himself from being taken by flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, depressive episodes, etc. like he can lose himself to sensation instead of being locked by his own thoughts, enjoy the company of other people even when he is too cagey or afraid to call his friends and be vulnerable with them, and have a letout for his heightened feelings of fear or insufficiency (caused by c-ptsd) through dancing in particular. it's pretty much canon that magnus uses dancing as a way to cope (see his scene with dot) so i don't see why a party isn't a good place to let out this kind of steam and self express without feeling too vulnerable at the same time

which is not to say that magnus doesn't genuinely enjoy parties, obviously he does. but coping mechanisms are frequently things that we do enjoy, so much so that they bring us comfort and strength when we need. it doesn't mean you only do these things because of your trauma. just that they can help with it

but there is ALSO his friends because look, we all know magnus isn't exactly winning prizes for his ability to ask for help, but the way he talked to alec about suicidal ideation and talking to someone if things get that bad obviously comes from experience, because when things get this bad there is really nothing else that works. and magnus has a lot of trouble with it - probably can only ever really ask for help when things get As Bad As They Possibly Could - but he does know he has a place with his friends when he needs. sometimes he doesn't even really open his mouth - just shows up at ragnor's, or, less commonly, catarina's (because she's busy with her job as a nurse and shit while ragnor does nothing but sit on his ass and be british all day), and ragnor takes a look at him and nods and magics another seat for him and magnus flops down. and ragnor waits to see if magnus is feeling like saying anything but if he's not, they just keep each other company as they do their things and ragnor serves him some tea. and it's nice and it works

as for raphael! definitely stimming all the time as well, and we know he self harms, which i think technically counts as a coping mechanism? coping mechanisms aren't inherently healthy or good djdndi so we have that for sure

and then just like, i think playing with his hands is something he does a lot in particular, like magnus, just keeping his hands behind his back and playing with them, or in his pockets and stuff. i think he "dissociates" a bit sometimes too. like sometimes full on dissociates but other times i think he just goes blank on the outside and inside is like, thinking about rosa or about food or his hyperfixations (astronomy? astronomy) so he doesn't have to be present and deal with whatever's happening. particularly useful with camille, because there are some things he has to do that he just wouldn't stand otherwise

and again canonically magnus, we have seen that. when rapha was tortured he didn't go to his clan, he went straight to magnus'. like yeah, magnus could heal him, but also, rapha stayed. he was still there chilling by the time simon came around. so he definitely goes to magnus when things get rough, and again whether it's to talk or just be with someone it helps a lot. i think raphael is pretty touchy with the people he trusts (book stans go away, yes i know book raphael is too edgy for feelings but i don't care and i'm not talking about him) and canonically so is magnus. and magnus' loft is one of the places he still feels safe to do that, it's his dad's place after all and definitely his home while camille is clan leader/in the first few months or years of him being clan leader

so like they can just cuddle or hug or be under a blanket together or rapha can rest his head on magnus' shoulder, or magnus can rest his on top of rapha's, and it's great. and he can talk about how he feels or be in silence, too

i also think dancing and listening to music are things he does to cope, possibly something he picked up from magnus. like sometimes he doesn't know how to let out steam and putting on a song and aggressively dancing is the only way he can channel feelings he doesnt know what to do with very well otherwise

also i think specifically with his grief over his family and other things he's lost, i think buying things and making little homages works. like making a scrapbook of his pictures with rosa, or the fucking whole ass CAR he literally doesn't need with the "ave rosa" plaque. i feel like raphael rarely buys things for himself unless they remind him of rosa, sunlight, guadalajara, etc., because it just helps with this constant grief he carries for them that he never really addresss lmao im fine

i think his charity work also plays that role. like yes raphael cares about others, of course he does, but he's also a whole ass catholic so i think "good deeds" like charity make him feel like he's just... doing something to ease his own monstrosity. feel more human, less guilty, less grieving. and also get some of the things he misses (like food) and some contact with people outside of the shadow world and also with other latines in general that he misses, you know? it's a relatively safe and familiar space that also helps ease his guilt for abandoning his family and becoming a monster a little bit, and just feel useful and occupied since he has so much time in his hands now and most of it is occupied obeying someone he hates. man, he needs so much therapy

but also like in the future as u know i think that he turns the dumort completely around, starts having plants and animals in the place, just makes it more upbeat and feel more like a family to all the vampires and improve their relations and it does him SO much good. both as a project and just as a ways of providing himself a better, more supportive environment, because the whole sterile thing they have going on fucking sucks. they deserve a lively and nice environment where they feel like a they have a home and i think it does wonders for EVERYONE'S mental health, particularly rapha's. and then of course cooking/taki's, and his partners join his support network too :)

as for cat, i think she throws herself into work to forget about her problems, feel useful, and just, cope. nurses work long hours and she seems to work particularly hard and i think this serves her the purpose of keeping her mind occupied from her issues. i also think it helps her feel more grounded/connected with the world, aka deal with the immortality angst. which sounds kinda paradoxal cuz she's probably watching ppl die with some kind of frequency, but like... she's also keeping in touch with new ppl, with discoveries in the medical field, she always has something to work on. it helps her feel like she is still a meaningful part of the world, instead of lost in time. and to give herself purpose too

but it's also not always healthy like when you are overworking yourself as an avoidance mechanism.... thats gonna get to u eventually. and cat needs a break and care as much as everyone else. i think again magnus and ragnor serve important roles in that sense, just people she can go to. remember the way cat showed up at magnus' and magnus was immediately massaging her shoulders? we stan

so they definitely take care of her in that sense. she also seemed pretty comfortable at lorenzo's party despite it all, so i think she also enjoys parties from time to time, although not as loud and clubby as, say, pandemonium. but cocktail parties or just a party at someone's house where she gets to dance and unwind and gossip with her friends a little bit? nice. i think cat is very sociable and misses not having ppl around which is also partially why she likes being a nurse - you get to know ppl pretty well in that job - but she also obviously needs lighter environments and she does well with groups of ppl even if she isn't a party animal the same way magnus is

and generally i think she enjoys anything sensorially pleasant like... drawing herself a bath, candles, going to get a massage from an actual professional every once in a while... i bet her house is full of incenses and always has some music playing (can be soft or can be upbeat, depends on her mood) but just generally the more pleasant sensations the better. food too

ohhh i bet she gardens!! it's so great to put her mind to rest after such an exhausting work and again the connection you feel to plants is very real. it's also nice because many plants live for a very long time (unlike most pets) so she can have them around and form long lasting relationships with them, you know? also, gardening is always useful for a warlock

and hhh ok i think i don't have any thoughts for ragnor? we know very little about him and I'm not sure what to make of him mental health-wise. also im tired and this is long, so jdbdidn maybe ill add more stuff if i feel inspired

[popculturebuffet]

Patreon Membership Drive: Turbo Championship Hyper Fighting Edition!

Hello all you happy people! For those wondering “who the hell is this.” I”m Jake Mattingly. I review animation and comics here on this tumblr 5 times a week, and love doing so. I do so by recapping an episode of an animated show or a volume of a comic piece by piece, how detailed depends on the work and how condensed it needs to be, analyzing the episode and sometimes throwing in some jokes because i’m a silly weirdo and tis my nature. 

 So far i’ve been able to scrape by with the help of my patreon’s kev and emma, with Kev suplimenting that iwth various comissions (I.e. paying me to review a specific episode of a show much like someone would comissoin). But I don’t want to place my entire finacial future in the hands of two people so last month I lauched my patreon membership, trying to get people to join my patreon to releive some of the pressure on them. And not a person signed on during the first month. 

But I realize a large part of that is I simply didn’t advertise propertly, not really explaning what it is I do, what they get, or throwing in any extra incentives for signing up apart from “If so many people pledge to my patreon i’ll do X review” Which is still the main thrust of my campaign but I realized I need MORE than that to give you all proper money for your buck, especailly with Tumblr trying to monteize in the most half assed way possible making people presumibly more wary of spending money on me. 

So for this promo i’m going into what it is I review exactly, how to sign up for my patreon and how any of that works, what you get out of it, and various juicy stretch goals i’m hoping ya’ll can help me reach so

WHAT IS IT YOU DO EXACTLY?

As I mentioned above I review animation and comics, more animation than comics. My meat and potatoes are Disney Duck works, primarily the 2017 reboot and the Don Rosa and Carl Barks comics. For the former i’ve done retrospectives on Lena’s arc, the Della storyline from season 2 and ALL the Season 2 storylines, the last one currently in progress. I intend to review the entire series, the lackluster tie in comics, and the this duckburg life podcast, though the last one has some strings attached we’ll get to under my goals.  I”ve also been reviewing various Carl Barks first apperances and most importantly doing a complete retrospective on Don Rosa’s masterwork the Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck. 

I also review certain shows week to week, almost entirely Disney as aside from the True Colors Debacle they have the most reliable schedule and announce release dates farther in advance than Cartoon Network and Nick which just sorta pop up announce things. I covered all of season 3 of Ducktales and season 2 of amphibia (With season 3 coverage coming in october) and i’m currently reviewing Owl House every week till that hiatus hits. 

Finally i’m currently looking at all the Tom Luictor episodes of star vs the forces of evil tracking both Tom’s character arc and the show’s steady decline straight into the dumps. 

Comics wise i’m more sporadic but in addition to duck comics stuff, I’ve also been doing a retrospective on the Scott Pilgrim franchise: all 6 volumes of the comic, those reviews avaliable now and in two weeks from this post, just in time for  the video game and movie anniversaries to finish things up. I recently started another one for the comic book Transformers: More Than Meets the Eye, I intend to finish one I did for New X-Men, and I have a few in my mind’s eye I want to do soon on John Ostrandre’s Suicide Squad run, Justice League International, and Mega Man that i’m going to do pilots for to see if anyone’s interested. 

Finally recently i’ve started doing quick thoughts, quick reviews on recent stuff from trailers to full on movies I don’t have to cover normally. 

So What Is Your Patreon?

Patreon is a site where creators can get paid for work and can put up exclusive content and what not. You pledge anywhere from a dollar a month, and become one of my patrons and help me do this blog for a living. I genuinely love writing about media, analyzing it and making weird jokes, and this lets me do that as my job and my passion. I simply don’t want to put finacing that on the backs of only two people. 

So What’s In It For Me?

Unlike Tumblr itself I feel my supporters deserve to get the most bang for their buck. As such Patreon Membership starts at JUST ONE DOLLAR. That’s right for a dollar a month, 12 bucks a year so the price of a movie, you get access to my occasoinal exclusive reviews, exclusive poles once I get more than two members so that’s actually sensical to do to vote on reviews, and to pick a theatrical short when i review a bunch of them for character birthdays or holidays or just cause. 

In addition to these though i’ve decided to sweeten the pot. ON SIGN UP ANY PATREON OF ANY TIER GETS ONE FREE REVIEW OF ANY SINGLE EPISODE OF TELEVISION OR ISSUE OF A COMIC BOOK. That’s right for just one buck, you get a review of your choice. Whatever you want. You want to force me to watch something you hate so someone else can bitch about it for you? Go on about an episode yo ulove? shine a light on something obscure? Well i’m your man and for ONE BUCK A MONTH, you can get that. Whatever you want put on my schedule as soon as I have room and your payment’s gone through. 

And if you want me to review stuff on a more regular basis, five bucks a month gets you a review a month, same permaiters as above along with said free review. I will PERSONALLY make sure there’s a space on the schedule every month for your patreon review and review whatever you want no matter how good, bad or stuppid. 

But that’s not ALL. 

STRETCH GOALS:

To explain these better than what I did next time: My stretch goals are goals on my patreon: if I hit a certain number of Patreons I will review (Insert Thing Here) And these are meaty projects too: full season reviews, retrospectives and what have you and something’s unlocked with each person who signs up, adjusted from orignally basing it on price. So your dollar a month not only gets you your own review, but also will get my solemn vow to review a bunch of other thigns, and the more people who sign up the more thigns I’ll add to my plate. Not only that but just for this pledge drive i’m adding a bunch of super neat drive exclusvie stretch goals that will VANISH AT THE END OF AUGUST. dosen’t mean I won’t EVER do these reviews, but it does mean i’ll probably sit on them a bit. 

TLDR: You singing up gets me to guarantee to review some extra stuff. 

SO WHAT ARE THE GOALS. 

I”m glad you asked. Each one is based on a person joining, so 

REGULAR PATREON GOALS THAT AREN’T GOING TO EXPIRE BUT ARE STILL PRETTY NEAT:

One goal for each new patreon so

1 New Patreon: Starting off light but still juicy, I will review the complete season one of Amphibia across two posts. I’ve already rewatched the season recently, so all someone has to do is sign up and i’ll get on it in septmeber in time for season 3! And that’s not the only show as i’ll also review BOTH seasons of the birdtastic show after my own heart Tuca and Bertie! 

2 New Patrons: This one’s a big lighter but you still get some neat things: for my scottaholics in the audience I will review the rest of Brian Lee O’Malley’s works so far: Lost at Sea (his first graphic novel) Seconds (his first post scott work) and Snotgirl (his first ongoing and first work he didn’t draw himself), which follow a girl trying to reclaim her soul/cat, an immature restrauntieur who discovers reality changing muschrooms, and an influencer who might of done a murder. For those who don’t really like Scott Pilgrim i’ll review a buch of paramount plus shows first seasons: Kamp Korral, the rugrats rugboot and iCarly. So if any of that sounds good get on the bus won’t you?

3 New Patrons: My juicest one and one that stands alone: I will review the complete first season of the Owl House across two posts. Every episode, every bit of lumity progressoin, every bit of foreshadowing in hindsight, all for you, all if three people join my patron. So if you want more bisexual magic, step up. 

4 New Patrons: Duck Goals Woo-Ooo! This one unlocks a review from Duck Master Carl Barks EVERY MONTH. Not only that I will be taking suggestoins from my patrons , meaning you can help decide which ones I do! And while tha’ts plenty i’m jucing this one up as getting me this far also nets a review of This Duckburg Like, the interquel podcast that’s given us our last ducktales content for what will likely be an eternity. 

5 New Patrons: Gravity Falls Retrospective! I”m not only talking both season of Alex Hirsch’s era defining masterpice, but also the side materials I have acess to: the shorts, Journal #3, and the lost legends tie in comic. I”d throw legend of the gnome gemulets in there two if I had a working 2ds or 3ds bu tas it stands this is what I got. 

6 New Patrons: Avatarverse Retrospective. No not James Cameron the Bravest Pioneer’s movie he wants to turn into a franchise despite NO ONE wanting this please stop James, we’re begging you. Of course i’m talking about Avatar the Last Airbender, the epic franchise that’s blowing up in size. This will include all three books of Avatar: The Last Airbender, All Four Books of the Legend of Korra, and all the juicy side stuff I can cover: the sequel comics for both series, the kioshi novels and the eye gougingly bad M Night Shamlyn Movie. Yes I really will   myself to that. I have not till now i’m happy that way but I will sufer for you. Speaking of suffering:

7 New Patrons: It’s a crapstravaganza!  If i’ve made it this far I clearly have enough fan support that I can fly into the eye of the crapstorm so i’m going to review some of the worst things I can think of:  * Chuck Austen’s X-Men the run that dared to ask the tough questions your coke addleed uncle you don’t let see your kids would like “What if Angel could cure AIDS with his blood and had sex with a minor while her parents watched?” “What if a rouge relgious sect tried to make Nightcrawler pope and then desingrate people with commuiion wafers in a scheme that makes no sense?” and “What if an x-man made a plant horny?”  * America: The comic that has the infamous and oft used by me line to compare it to other bad lines “What in the holy menstration are you doing here”. And it’s still not the most bonkers thing int his somehow 12 ISSUE SERIES tha twastes one of marvels best creations.  * The Prince: Aka that series HBO what farted out onto the service with no intention of renewal after realizing “Holy shit we greenlit this what is wrong with us” which is basically family guy but with the royal family. I’d say it was a somehow worse family guy but Famiily Guy once had an episode that was about 22 minutes of transphobic punchlines so as long as there isn’t an episode of that your good.  * Mordecai is a Bastard Man: Aka that arc of Regular Show that took a ship I really liked, Mordecai and CJ, and then destoryed it with cheating, attempted murder and saxophone.  *Star Vs Final Arc: Aka a look at how a once great show descended into a mess with unfinished plot lines, wasted characters and a finale so terrible it’s only topped by “Kids this is the story of how I really want you to say it’s okay to bang aunt robin” 8 New Patrons: Infinity Train, all four books and any finale movie if it happens. (Please let it happen) All aboard! 9 New Patrons: Two juicy disney retrospectives! The Incredibles (both movies and both comics series) and Darkwing Duck (Both the Boom! and Joe Books runs) Let’s get incredibly dangerous! 10 New Patrons: My highest tier for now and i’ts anothe rdouble feature and two big projects. If you get me this far, you’ve earned em: A She Ra and the Pricesses of Power Retrospective and a Bojack Horseman retrospective. The two greatest things Netflix has made back to back for life. 

And THAT’S NOT ALL... as I said I have some special stretch goals JUST FOR THIS PLEDGE DRIVE. 

SPECIAL DRIVE SPECIFIC GOALS BABY!:

These are a simple five extra projects for hitting the goals within the rest of the drive FROM AUGUST 1ST TO AUGUST 31ST. I will not add these to the regular goals for a full year if you do not reach them, so one buck helps you unlock projects that otherwise might not happen for YEARS. Like the other goals their measured by patrons but ONLY for this month sooooo

1 New Patron: Quack Pack series review! the most hated Disney Afternoon show in one big two part review. God help me. 2 New Patrons: Rise of the TMNT Retrospective: Both seasons, a movie and regular coverage on the offchance a third season hopefully gets greenlit.  3 New Patrons: Peanuts and Garfield Specials retrospective!: Retrospectives for the technicolor years long world of Peanuts specials and the shorte rlived but still neat garfield specails. All the specials plus all the animated movies for both!  4 New Patrons: Craig of the Creek-AThon: Rewatching season one and watching BOTH seasons i’ve missed since then with full reviews as well as reviews of each bomb of episodes as their released on teh app from here on out!  5 New Patrons: Steven Universe Retrospective! All 5 seasons, The Movie, Future, the comics, graphic novels and games. EVERY. THING. 

So if ANY of this sounds enticing 

STOP BY MY PATREON RIGHT HERE IN THIS LINK, SIGN UP TODAY, HELP ME GET PAID DOING WHAT I LOVE AND GET REVIEWS FOR EVERYBODY. YOU WON’T REGRET IT AND YOU’LL BE MAKING MY LIFE BETTER. 

And even if you can’t support it feedback on the goals, reblogs to get the word out and general words of encouragment are appricated so join me as I try to get at least one extra dollar a month in the span of this month. PITTER PATTER, let’s get at er!

[lambourngb]

Nailing that Dynamic- Recs - Day 1

Day 1 for Creator’s Week, and I gotta say, this is my favorite fan event, mainly because it was the first one I participated last year. This little rec set is devoted to dynamics, divided into friendship, found family, and finally romantic (and yes, that’s Malex with me.)

We’ve had two seasons of this show, and while I can’t really relate to aliens or even the immigrant story, I do relate strongly to the stories behind friendship. I can say my appetite for fic with a good friendship dynamic will always be there.

Will You Be My Friend- Circle Yes or No (recs)

Finding You by @myrmidryad  (122,000) - If by chance the canon from high school bums you out, this is the story to read. Gin writing malex is always a ‘no-brainer I’m gonna read it story’ for me, but what really set this epic apart was how beautifully Gin writes the friendship dynamics between Michael & Liz, and Michael & Max. It’s a canon-divergent story with no-murder of Rosa or the shed scene, where in order to avoid enlistment, Alex disappears from Roswell and joins the Max & Liz road trip with Michael in tow. They just need to fill that gap between high school and the opening of the dorms at UNM so they can start a life together. And fill it they do with this road trip. There were moments where I sobbed with how badly Michael needed this in canon and didn’t get it. It also made me like Max, so, yeah. Great writing and characterizations here.

Hit the Road by @bestillmyslashyheart - (7,100) - One of the brightest spots for me in season two was Rosa Ortecho, and one of the most frustrating parts of season two was the fact we didn’t get any interaction between her and Alex. *screams* At least I had a few crumbs of Rosa & Maria (not nearly enough!) but still. Where there’s a glaring gap in canon, thank god there’s fanfic. Marlo treats us to a delightful story written post season 1, but had some surprisingly psychic lines about Malex, number one how they don’t think they are good for one another. I really enjoyed what this story says about leaving-  and honestly, the town of Roswell has so much pain tied to these characters, they should all take long road trips away from it.

a few drinks and some conversation by @christchex / @michaels-blackhat (5,600 ) - this one is set post-season 2, with all the complications of Michael deciding now wasn’t the right time for him and Alex, while also working on giving Maria the right space after their breakup.  I think it’s pretty clear that Michael needs a friend he’s not related to and someone he hasn’t slept with - to provide him so low-stakes genuine company outside of the alien bullshit and love triangle dynamics. Christi does this beautifully through the eyes of an OC and the number of times I’ve read this story is like 10, and also, it’s inspired my current story about Michael going on dates.

and headin’ out singing our song by @stars-and-sunshine (4,100) post season 2, Alex and Michael head off on a road trip (okay, this is a trope I apparently like since I’ve recced three stories now, hahaha) after Alex’s car breaks down. There’s a careful space in this story, of two men building a friendship again. The roadtrip details are beautiful, but what stayed with me is a scene in the museum. That summer of 2008 had some ghosts to address.

If I Follow You Home, Will You Keep Me? found-family dynamics

When You’re Gone by @bestillmyslashyheart (8,200) - Before I tell you why I love this story, I want everyone to follow the next link and read this story about email and messages and grief in the digital age [trigger for cancer death] chat history by Rebecca  Armendariz. (She also wrote a follow up called Timelines published by the Hairpin that talks about the memory function on facebook.) So back to the story, this is Rosa, opening her email 10 years after her death and reading the messages people sent her, thinking they were speaking into the void. Liz, Maria, Alex, Mimi and Arturo, all of them sending her notes, sometimes time passes without an email, then an event triggers that memory of Rosa not being there- and yeah, I found this whole thing to be so moving.

Never Ever Getting Rid of Me by @spaceskam - (4,400) this probably could have gone in the friendship side, but I feel like when you work in a high stakes place like a hospital, friends is a term that ends up being too light, and with the level of competition and stress it grows a bond like family... anyway, this is an AU where Michael and Kyle end up at the same hospital as competing interns but some elements of canon are still there.

still fixing all the cracks by @emma-arthur -  (3,400) this is a pre-canon story, set when Alex is 14. He’s still a soft child, being tortured by his dad, and soaking up the attention from Liz, Rosa and Arturo when he breaks a glass and spirals. Heavy discussion of child abuse and homophobic abuse, but a really good exploration of the canon-neglected Liz & Alex friendship, plus with that paternal Arturo Ortecho in the mix...

Ophiuchus by @planetsam - (11,600) the other bright side of season 2 was the reveal of Walt Sanders as being not only Michael’s boss, but someone who knew his mother, knew what he was, and silently looked out for him...now of course I wish he had been more overt in doing this, but fanfic once again has fixed this canon-oversight. This is an incredible look through Walt’s eyes as he gets in over his head adopting an alien child, especially one who already had issues from previous foster placements. I could read a million words in this verse.

The Michael Sanders AU by @prouvaireafterdark (17,000 ) And speaking of great AUs where Michael is raised by Walt, I would be really amiss in not mentioning this one. It’s got hot high school Malex moments, emotional/hurt comfort for both Michael’s past foster placements but also the shit Alex is living with at home. I have to say “Honey if You Stay” is my favorite, just because of how badly I wanted to hug teen Alex...

and finally, no found family rec list could be complete without mentioning the epic series To Raise a Child (117,000 in progress) by @haloud and @maeglinthebold - season 2 put some hits on my headspace and emotional reserves, not to mention 2020 nonsense, so I’m dreadfully behind in commenting on this story. It’s just a huge emotional bandaid for me right now- it takes the idea of “what if the adults in Roswell actually looked out for their children (and other peoples children) and protected them from shit” and what would that change. Michael was found at 7 and then runs away to Roswell at 10, so yeah, humans have already done their best to convince him the world sucks and only finding his siblings matters... Jim Valenti steps in, knowing what he is, and finds him a place in Roswell with Arturo Ortecho. Anyway, everyone gets a turn- Jim, Mimi, the kids, etc in the story, it’s well rounded and fleshed out. Obviously being a malex person my favorite parts are the kid-friendship/this-is-just-a-crush moments in second story, where if you hadn’t lost your heart to Michael Ortecho by then, well, you’re a goner after that story. 

I Could Build Your Heart A Home (malex recs)

time will lie down and be still by @islndgurl777 (29,600) the Practical Magic AU - which I loved but I have never seen the movie it’s based on lol... anyway, this story almost belonged up with my found family dynamic recs, because the story opens with Isobel and Michael being 7 and 8 years old alien siblings and left with Mimi Deluca to raise with her daughter Maria, because with their father recently dead, their mother would soon follow as a species level soulmate bond. Michael vows never to fall in love. Then there’s a beautiful friendship between Maria, Liz, Isobel and Michael as they grow up together that I just wanted to roll around in forever... However this is a Malex rec, so once Alex enters the story in high school and things go down similarly with Jesse, Michael is heartbroken, his soulmate (he thinks) is gone, vanished into the Air Force, and he spends the next 10 years helping Maria, going to school with Liz, and keeping in touch with Isobel. Until 2018 when Isobel finds out her perfect man was like them, an alien, and bad, and they are forced to cover up his murder. Then Alex comes to town. But the soulmate storyline is the winner here and I just re-read it again.

here everyone knows (you’re the way to my heart) by @adamsparirsh (19,700) So this story tackles a dynamic that think will be the death-knell to the Alex/Forrest relationship- the weight of the alien secret and Alex’s responsibility gland and what that looks like to someone who wants to be in a relationship with him. The exclusion. But outside of that- there’s this part of Alex that isn’t willing to let anyone in that isn’t already there, and that’s Michael. I’m fucking weak for stories where these two assholes can’t connect with anyone but each other, and this one hits it. There’s also so many lovely friendship dynamics between everyone showing up for Alex- like Rosa, Isobel, Max, Maria. Obviously this is a Malex-is-endgame story, even though it starts Alex/Forrest.

it’s a long road back to you by @magsthemagical  (17,000) This was an interesting, now AU take on what if Maria/Michael dated at the same time as Alex/Forrest, and honestly, I thought basted on the season two spoilers that was where we were heading. I was gobsmacked by 2x13. Anyway, here’s a story that discusses the tension that would happen if there had been simultaneous dating going on…the parts where Michael sees Alex being open with someone other than him were very raw and true to how I would think he would feel. For 10 years he wanted that and didn’t get it, and so of course the problem was probably him?? Anyway, I enjoyed this a lot, and again felt robbed that we are heading into a new triangle for season 3. 

untouched by @prouvaireafterdark (5,200) - okay, you know when you have an alien soulmate idea in your head and you want it to appear on the page, and then it does and it’s everything you wanted? That’s what happened to me when ‘Untouched’ appeared. Obviously it’s AU, but my reptile brain just loves the idea that Michael and Alex can’t get off with anyone else, and then that frustration builds into a sexy explosion... there’s also some communcation happening with these clowns. But seriously for 5,000 words, A LOT HAPPENS here and I loved every word.

Would you come home by @caitlesshea (1000) How great would have it been if season 2 had ended with Michael and Alex found a baby in a stasis pod instead of Beardy Jones? Like seriously, this short little fic healed so many of my wounds from season 2 that I couldn’t help but include it here. I would take 50,000 more words in this sadly AU take. 

Hoarding you by @foramomentonly (1200) okay, so the rain smell, like 2x04 was low key my favorite episode of RNM ever, especially with Alex throwing that flirty line “It’s smells like rain, that’s what you smell like under the grease and bourbon’ and this author takes that line, and fucking murders me with the idea that Alex can’t move on because of that smell. And Michael is now his, and finds out about it. This is my head canon, okay? No one can talk me out of it.

If you like any of these recs, please leave a comment on the story- a ‘this was awesome’ is enough to propell an author into the stratosphere with happiness, so don’t worry about coming up with a unique, never before shared insight- sometimes a keyboard smash and emogi makes all the difference!

[maidenof-thesea]

Snakes & Butterflies | Part XII

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: Soulmate Au!, Fluff, Angst, Smut (in the future)

Words: 5k (WHEW!)

Warning: minor swearing

Note: Yall I tried posting this earlier but tumblr was not cooperating with me! UGHH! Anyways here’s part 12 for those who have been waiting! This time it’s extra long! I didn’t realize lol. Hope you enjoy <3

Reminder: * conversations in Korean *

                                                       Jimin

“I mean you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Y/N stammered, her face flush and she waved her hands nervously. “I just wanted to see how the snake may look since you are a lot older now..”

Wait

“You know what my Mark looked-looks like?” I said feeling my heart drop to my stomach. “I don’t remember showing you my Mark when we were kids..”

“That’s weird,” Y/N said as she tilted her head in contemplation. “Maybe it really was a dream but I could have sworn that you had a snake and Jungkook had a hawk.”

How does she know this?

Ever since I could remember, our parents told us that we were never supposed to reveal our Marks to humans...because they were so completely different from our soulmates. Hoseok and Yoongi hyungs’ Marks don’t match at all..just like mine and hers never matched either. Was I too perhaps having issues with my memory?

“Now that I think about it…” Y/N muttered deep in thought. “I don’t think I’ve seen any of the guys’ Marks…”

Shit

I opened my mouth to say an excuse or anything as to why none of us had shown her our Marks but I only stammered for words. I never really thought as to what we would say, I don’t think any of us have honestly.

“Oh!” Y/N said in realization. “Jungkook mentioned that you guys took a pact. Similar to wearing a purity ring..but like the opposite..”

If it was even possible her face was even more red but this time she looked like she was on the verge of tears from embarrassment. She’s so cute. I go to pat her stroke her cheek but she stops me by grabbing my wrist and she’s refusing to make eye contact. Maybe it's not from embarrassment. 

“Y/N, are-”

“I’m gonna take that shower now,” Y/N says abruptly as she hops off the counter and swiftly exits the laundry room, leaving me all alone. 

“Similar to a purity ring but like the opposite”

“Why would Jungkook tell her that?!”

But it was true at the time. You were quite busy during college. 

*

“That was probably her first kiss…” I muttered softly to myself as I sat on the couch. I could hear music coming from her room and the sound of running water. “She must think I’m some sort of player or something..”

“Why would she think that?” Seokjin hyung said from the hallway. His arms are full of groceries. I quickly got up to help him. The rest of the guys following him in a line, their arms full of groceries.

“How are you guys back so quick?” I ask, ignoring his question. What time was it? I lost track of time!

“We did online ordering, we just went to pick it up basically,” Taehyung said, wiping his forehead from the sweat. “Man it’s hot.”

“I still don’t think that lady gave us good cabbage,” Hoseok said with a slight frown as he placed the said vegetable on the counter. 

“Hyung said it was fine babe,” Yoongi replied. “Trust the chef.”

“Where’s Yuki?” Namjoon muttered already heading to the porch.

“Namjoon!” Seokjin yelled. “Don’t think of escaping! We need to make 3 months worth of kimchi and side dishes! We need everyone to help!”

Namjoon does a 360 spine and heads straight into the kitchen, his expression sheepish. The hyungs start chit chatting and whatnot. I sat down on the couch once more and I found myself listening, water was still running and her music was still playing. I was hoping they would be gone a little longer so I could have a chance to explain myself

“Noona in the shower, hyung?” Jungkook asked, carrying a huge bag of rice without so much as sweating. 

“Yes,” I answered feeling my face turn a bit red. “Did you tell her about our pact?”

“Umm..” Jungkook said nervously. “I did...should I not have?”

“Don’t worry,” I sighed, pushing my hair back. “I’m not upset.”

“But?” Jungkook asked, his eyes wide with curiosity.

“I just didn’t want her to think I’m a player..”

“Trust me,” Hoseok said from the kitchen. “I’m sure you didn’t made it obvious yesterday.”

Yoongi and the hyungs laugh and I shove my face in the nearest throw pillow, sighing in frustration. 

“Did something happen?” Taehyung asks and I could tell he was genuinely curious but his mischievous side was showing once more. “Why are you so worried she thinks you’re a player?”

“Yea,” Seokjin said also. “Why Jimin? And don’t avoid the question again!”

“I-“ 

*

We all hear the music turn off and her door open. Yuki darts for the nearest exit and from the expression on Y/N’s face, I could tell she wanted to do the same thing. Her eyes looked a little swollen and her cheeks were flushed. Her lips...were swollen as well.

“Hello Princess,” Hobi said with his signature sunny smile. “Are you ready to make kimchi?”

She smiles and nods and I could tell it’s genuine from the way her eyes spark. Will she ever smile like that for me again?

                                               Taehyung

*

“Jimin and Y/N have been avoiding each other,” Jungkook says as he fills another bucket with water to soak the napa cabbage. 

“It’s more like she’s avoiding him,” I mutter as I wait for him to finish, so I could fill my bucket. Why did we have to make so much kimchi again?

“Oh,” Jungkook says as he glances once more at Y/N, who is cutting the cabbage while Namjoon sprinkles kosher salt and massages it. Jimin, who is on the other side of the island, is helping Seokjin hyung make sigeumchi namul which is blanched spinach that is seasoned later on. Both Yoongi and Hoseok are making kongnamul muchim or seasoned soybean sprouts. 

“Do you think he made a move?” I asked and Jungkook almost got whiplash from how fast he turned. “What’s with that reaction?”

“Do you think hyung would do that?” Jungkook said, his eyes unreadable. Not really answering my question.

This kid...does he really have feelings for her?

“Isn’t that part of the plan?” I ask nonchalantly, carefully watching Jungkook’s expression. “I mean I know none of us care that she’s human..but the council won’t be as forgiving. Nonetheless we still want a happy ending for them right?”

“Yea,” Jungkook sighed and grabbed my bucket to fill it. “I guess I’m just worried about how she would react...this whole time she thought-she never imagined having a Soul-”

“YAH!” Jin yelled, making all of us jump. “Does it take two of you to fill buckets with water?”

“Sorry!” Both of us answer and I immediately head back with one of the buckets, almost tipping the bucket in my haste. Y/N sees this and her eyes widen in surprise.

*

“Careful!” She says running towards me. She quickly grabs the bucket and we both maneuver it to the kitchen.

“I’m sorry Noona,” I say with a lopsided grin. “I didn’t mean to almost wet the floor.”

“What?” She replies. “Oh! I don’t care about the floor, you could have slipped if it spilled! You’re okay right?”

Instead of replying I simply nod, I really didn’t know how to reply honestly. Her eyes were filled with concern and honesty. I’ll admit a part of me felt pleased that she was concerned, almost like a doting mother. She smiles in return and quickly heads to Jungkook, warning him not to fill the bucket too much. Unable to help myself, I smile to myself biting my lip in the process. When I look up, Jimin is staring at me with a piercing gaze, almost as if to say ‘what are you so happy about?’. I shrug and it seems to annoy him even more. 

“Hyung,” Yoongi asks, mixing the sprouts in a ceramic bowl. “Why are we making so much again? I mean I know there’s eight of us, but it’s not like we’re gonna eat Korean food all the time.”

“I’m making some for Y/N too,” Seokjin replies. “She’ll have plenty after we leave.”

“W-What?” Jimin stutters and almost loses his footing. “Leave?”

Both Jungkook and Y/N walk back in and both of their smiles disappear quickly after hearing Jimin’s panicked tone. Jimin’s face turns white and he looks back down at the bowl of spinach in front of him. 

“Just thinking about the end of our vacation makes me sad!” Hoseok sighs and he wipes a non-existent tear from his eye. “You’ll miss me right Y/N?!”

He runs to her and rubs his cheek against hers. She laughs and pats his head, cooing in the process. I glance at Jungkook who is staring in concern at Jimin, who seems to have regained his composure. Yoongi pats his back to comfort him. 

“Let’s not think about the end,” Namjoon says as he places the cabbage to soak in the water. “Let’s enjoy what we have in this moment.”

“Yea!” I say cheerfully. “Hyung are we gonna make jap chae too?”

“Oh!” Y/N exclaims, her eyes lighting up. “I want to learn how to make those glass noodles! Jennie never got her mom’s recipe for me..”

We all laughed at her eager expression and her and Jin hyung came to an agreement to exchange recipes. Hyung was curious about how to make tamales and posole. After a couple of hours, Jin and Y/N had successfully made not only  jap chae but also Korean macaroni salad. 

“All this is gonna take time to ferment..” Jimin mutters rubbing his stomach. He must be hungry. “What are we gonna eat for lunch?”

“How about Noona’s famous pasta?” Jungkook suggested with his dimple smile. Jimin looked hopeful at Y/N and she nodded and proceeded to pick up the dirty mixing bowls, Jimin and Jin proceeded to help her but she shooed then away.

“Rosa is on her way,” she explains. “I told her to come a little late because we tend to clean at this time.”

“Plus,” Y/N said, clasping her hands and pulling her phone out. “And I quote, ‘Tell those boys that if they don’t give me their dirty laundry to wash, that I won’t show the handsome one how to make flan or arroz con leche’”

“YAH!” Jin yells with a bit of blush. “Bring hyung your laundry! I need those recipes!”

And just about all of us scramble up the stairs, racing to our rooms, not one of us wanting to get between Jin hyung and his recipes. 

After making the creamy alfredo sauce from scratch, I was about to put the pasta to boil just as Rosa made her way into the house. Both Jungkook and Jin are following her like ducklings. Jungkook was smiling his signature dimple smile and Jin was slightly pouting. What was this tactic called again? Ago? Ego?

“Aegyo?” I questioned myself. Both Jungkook and Jin both glanced at me with the same expression: shut up!. I chuckled and threw my arms up in the air. “¡Doña Rosa! ¡Ya llegaste! ¿Como estás?” (“Madam Rosa! You’re here! How are you?”).

“Bién míja.” Rosa replies with a slight chuckle, fully aware of what we were all doing. “¿Estás concinando?” (“I’m good my daughter. Are you cooking?”).

“¡Sí!” I say with a smile as she pats me on the head. “¡Estoy concinando pasta!” (Yes! I’m cooking pasta!”).

“¿Me puedes salvar un plato para mi?” (“Could you save a plate for me?”).

“Claro que sí Doña.” I reply and she smiles and puts on gloves to start washing dishes. (”Of course Madam”).

Both Jungkook and Jin’s eyes were wide in surprise. Jungkook was stammering and Jin’s mouth was open wide in shock.

“N-noona you can speak Spanish?” Jungkook asked. “Why don’t you speak it more often?”

“I am half latinx Jungkook from my Mom’s side,” I answered, sticking my tongue out and he smiled a sheepish smile.

“What was that?” Jin said curiously. “Was that a latinx version of aegyo?”

“Something of the sort..” I say with a slight smirk.

“What did you say to her to get her to smile?” Jin said with a sparkle in his eyes.

“Listen closely my padawan,” I said, causing Jungkook to laugh and Jin to be confused. “Latinx women love to be called ‘Doña’ which is basically equivalent to ‘Madam’ or ‘lady boss’.”

“So respect?” Jin asked with a tilt of his chin. “I guess I understand that…”

“Plus you have to be cute,” I reply with a smirk. Jin gasps dramatically and Jungkook almost rolls on the floor with laughter. Then Jin grabbed the nearest towel to whack me with, making me run out into the living room, with him right on my heels. “Yoongi save me!”

“Wha-” Yoongi says sleepily. “You’re on your own Princess!”

“Wah!”

“Come here and admit I’m cute!” Jin says climbing over Yoongi and the couch. 

“Listen!” I say hiding around Namjoon who was reading something on his phone. “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for!”

“You can’t hypnotize him Y/N-ie,” Hobi says from the ottoman clutching a plush pillow to hide himself. “Trust me I’ve tried!”

“Once someone calls hyung ugly,” Namjoon whispers. “He won’t stop until you admit he’s not.”

“ADMIT IT!” Jin yelled. 

“But I didn’t call you ugly!” I yell desperately, jumping over the couch almost tripping over Yoongi. “I just said you weren’t cute!”

“THAT’S THE SAME THING!”

“Oh god this is almost as bad as when Jin and Taehyung were arguing over who was more handsome..” Yoongi whispered to Hobi who nodded in agreement. Just then both Taehyung and Jimin-a shirtless Jimin- came in through the porch, Jin taking full advantage of me being distracted threw the towel straight at me. 

“JIMIN!” I yell as I run to him for security instinctively. “Save me!”

Without hesitation, Jimin met me halfway and stood in front of me protectively. 

“W-what are you doing hyung?” Jimin says with slight fear in his voice. “We could hear you from outside..”

“She said I’m not cute!” Jin explains trying to reach around him. 

“But you aren’t cute hyung.” Jimin says.

And almost everyone in the room was quiet and Jin looked as red as a tomato. The only sound we could hear was Rosa humming as she swept the kitchen. 

*

“Do you want to die?” Jin said quietly. I had no idea what he said but I felt Jimin’s heartbeat increase. Jin took one step closer and I heard Jimin gulp. From the shadow I could tell Jin raised his hand-

*

“Oppa!” I say clutching Jimin’s arms, who froze. “You’re too handsome! You ooze sex appeal! I mean ‘cute’ doesn’t define you! You’re more than that!”

Once again the room went quiet. Jimin was as still as a board but I could hear his breath. He was breathing deeply as if he was angry, but before I could ask, Jin’s attitude was completely different.

“That is very true!” Jin laughed obnoxiously. Clearly what I said was going straight to his head. He was completely unaware of everyone rolling their eyes. “I am very handsome!”

“Yes hyung you are,” Namjoon said sitting next to Yoongi. And they all began to talk like normal, leaving me and Jimin to gather our bearings. Once I unclutched my hands from his arms, I realized that what I was actually clutching a tattoo sleeve cover. Jimin then turns around and looks at me with unreadable eyes. I gulp nervously and attempt to walk away but he catches me by the collar of my shirt.

“Did you get my text?” Jimin whispers. I look at him in confusion and he sighs.

“Sorry I left my phone in the kitchen..”

“It’s okay,” Jimin says with a smile that makes my heart skip a beat. “I’m hungry, can I have some pasta?”

“Yea,” I say, not being able to meet his eyes. “Do you want shrimp or broccoli?”

“Shrimp!” He says excitedly and almost as if it’s natural for him he clutches my hand and leads me to the dining room. 

“¡Míja!” Rosa says from the kitchen. “The pasta is ready!”

“Coming!” I reply. “I’ll be back with a plate for you.”

“Me too Noona!” Taehyung and Jungkook both yell sitting down at the table. 

                                             Jimin

*

“Yah,” I say with annoyance. “Can’t you guys eat later, I’m trying to talk to her here.”

“Ah,” Namjoon says entering the dining room as well. “Sorry I’m hungry too..”

“Oooh is Jimin trying to have alone time with Y/N?” Hobi says tugging a disgruntled Yoongi into the room as well.

“Jimin,” Jin says seriously. “Don’t yell at her too much, it’s not her fault she finds me attractive!”

*

I glare at him while everyone else rolls their eyes and yet again he is oblivious to his own obnoxious self. Y/N then enters the room balancing two bowls in her hands. I get up to help but Jungkook beats me to it and places the two bowls in the middle of the table. 

“I’m gonna get some paper plates,” she says. “Oh and I also made a quick salad earlier and I didn’t have time to bake garlic bread but I have some Hawaiian rolls if-”

“That’s fine babe,” I say following her into the kitchen, ignoring the way Jungkook’s eyes widened. I grabbed the plates from her and she quickly grabbed the bowl of salad and packet of hawaiian sweet rolls. Once she places the stuff on the table, I quickly grab her and make her sit next to my chair.

“But the dri-” 

“I got it,” I say smiling. For some reason her catering to the guys is pissing me off. I grabbed the lemonade and water bottle. Rosa is now in the living room vacuuming. I wave hello and she smiles and waves back. I see that Y/N placed a plate aside for her. 

“I love her pasta,” Rosa says. “My son loves it too…”

“Oh,” I said. Her son? “It’s that good?”

“Yep,” she sighs. “One year he only wanted to eat her pasta, nothing else. Kids huh?”

I nod in agreement and bow to her in goodbye. Silently relieved that it was kid and not some other punk. By the time I got back everyone had started eating without me.

“This is delicious Y/N!” Hobi says and Yoongi nods in agreement. “Best pasta ever!”

She smiles and grabs a plate to serve some shrimp pasta, then she places a roll on the plate as I sit next to her. With a slight blush, she passed me the plate and I felt a little pleased that she served me herself. 

“Do you want water or lemonade?” She whispers and I quickly look at her, but she isn’t looking in my direction. “Hm?”

“Water,” I reply and she serves me a cup and hands it to me. Before she could serve herself, I grab the bowl of broccoli pasta out of Namjoon’s hands and put a big portion on the plate. “Here, you like broccoli right?” 

“Yes,” She replies with a blush. “Thank you.”

“Here!” Jungkook says, causing us both to jump. “You like lemonade right Noona?”

This little shit.

“Thanks Kookie,” She replies with a smile. There it is again. That smile. 

“Do you still like avocado with hawaiian rolls?” I ask and she glances at me in surprise. 

“You remembered that?” she asks with an embarrassed smile. “Yea I do.”

“Do you want me to go get some avocado?” I ask and she waves her hand and tries to stop me from getting up. Namjoon tugs me down also.

*

“It isn’t a competition,” He says and Y/N glances at me in confusion and I smile and gesture for her to eat and she does. “You don’t need to compete when it’s clear you already won.”

*

I gulp and nod. He’s right, technically I already won. She’s mine. She’s mine right? I look at her and I can’t help the feeling of peace that overtakes my being at seeing her eat. The way she twirls the pasta onto her fork, they way her throat moves as she swallows. On second thought, I think I was feeling everything but peace at this moment. 

Jin pulls out a bottle of wine that both Yoongi and Jungkook are excited for. Y/N gulps nervously and I grab her hand under the table and I feel her relax. She then accepts the glass of wine from Jin and sips curiously. Her face scrunches and she shakes her head. I laughed at her expression along with my brothers who were also watching intently. But slowly throughout dinner, her glass of wine was slowly becoming empty and she was laughing along with Jin and Taehyung’s antics. Once more the feeling of peace overcame me. This must be what Jungkook was feeling. The feeling of home. 

“Y/N,” Taehyung asks, his cheeks flushed. “Who was your first love?”

A little taken aback by his question, Y/N stammers cutely and looks everywhere but me. Cute.

“Yea,” I say playfully. “Who was your first love?”

“Why do you guys want to know?” I say feeling a slight buzz from the wine. Knowing full well I’m slightly tipsy, these guys are fully taking advantage of my state. 

“It’s a simple question!” Taehyung defends himself. “Fine! I’ll tell you who my first love was!”

“Oh this is gonna be interesting,” Jin says with a slight chuckle.

“My first love was a manga character!” Taehyung says and almost everyone laughs “Hey don’t laugh at me! I’m serious!”

“Which manga character?” Jungkook asks. 

“Sakura!” Taehyung says cutely. “She was soo cute!”

“Oh my god,” Jimin says. “From Naruto?”

Taehyung then cheers and flashes us his box-like smile. Then he turns to me and gestures for me to go next. If we’re talking manga characters…

“Kazehaya Shouta,” I reply with a content sigh. And almost all of the guys stayed quiet and were confused.

“That’s really specific..” Jimin mutters from next to me. His expression is solemn. “I don’t remember anyone by that name..how about you Jungkook?”

“Neither do I hyung,” Jungkook replies. “Who is this Kazehaya guy Noona?”

“Are you serious?” I asked with a giggle and almost all of them were really confused. Only Namjoon seemed to be deep in thought. “You guys don’t know Kazehaya-kun?”

“OH!” Namjoon says in surprise. “From Kimi Ni Todoke?”

“Yes!” I say excitedly. “I thought we were talking about manga characters so he’s the first that came to my mind!”

“What anime is this?” Taehyung asks in confusion. “A romance one? Cuz I swear I’ve seen all of them!”

“It’s called From Me to You,” I reply. “I watch that anime and read that manga every year and I still love it!”

“So this Kazehaya guy is the main character?” Jimin asks and he looks somewhat relieved but also a tad bit annoyed.

“Yes!” I giggle. “His characteristics were so good, he was so pure..”

“I don’t think Taehyung meant man-” Yoongi laughs.

“Y/n?” Rosa says with a small smile. “I just finished cleaning the rooms, do you mind putting the clothes to dry for me?”

“Of course!” I say getting up quick, only to lose my footing. Jimin reaches over my chair and grabs me by the waist and forces me to sit down. 

“I’ll do it,” he says with a small smile. “Thank you Rosa!” 

All the others also thank her and Jin walks her out and thanks her for her recipes that she wrote down for him. My phone then pings a message from Kakaotalk and Jimin’s name is on my screen.

Jimin [7:32pm]: hey can we talk?

Jimin [9:04pm]: meet me at the beach in 5.

Jimin [9:04pm]: bring a jacket.

I gulp nervously. Of course he wants to talk, we kissed and everything. I asked about his Mark, and it was clear that he didn’t want to show me, then I remembered Jungkook mentioning the pact but really I was just conflicted about how I felt. 

Then I should just tell him how I feel..everything…

The rest of the guys are watching Family Guy in the living room, so I take my chance to dash in my room to find a jacket. Yuki stares at me from my bed that has a fresh set of sheets and comforter. I rub her head and she starts to purr. 

“Yuki?” Jungkook calls for her and I hear the bag of treats shake and she quickly darts out of the room. I remembered that Jungkook wanted to teach her some tricks. 

“Teach her how to sit!” Taehyung says.

“No,” Namjoon says “how about a handshake?”

And they continue discussing different tricks and this is my chance to dart out but as soon as I step into the kitchen to use the back door, Yoongi and Hobi both appraise me with knowing eyes.

“I thought you guys were watching Family Guy?”

“Jin told us to wash dishes,” Hobi asks with a smirk. “Going somewhere princess?”

“I wonder where Jimin disappeared to?” Yoongi asks Hobi too with amusement in his tone. I rolled my eyes and opened the back door and they both whistled and laughed. Once I’m outside, the ocean breeze is quite cold for the summer, but it feels good. I head to the path that leads to the beach and my phone buzzes, the security app detecting my movement. I duck once I hit the bay windows and I laugh at myself. Why am I hiding?

Because you want to be alone with him

I stop once I realize that is exactly what I wanted. I wanted no interruptions, no Jungkook or Taehyung for that matter. Feeling my heart pound in my chest, I gulp nervously and continue down the sand path towards the beach. There Jimin is once again, shirtless but wearing tattoo sleeve cover and once again I stop in my tracks. I look down at my simple outfit and I start to feel self conscious. How does he look so majestic just standing under the moonlight? It's not fair. I feel like this moment should be preserved. I take out my phone and I take a photo of him...feeling a little guilty for not asking for permission. 

“Can I take a picture of you too?” Jimin says, looking over his shoulder with a slight smirk. I feel my face turn white in horror at being caught. “It’s okay I don’t mind.”

“I’m sorry I should have asked first,” I said with a slight blush, hoping that it was too dark for him to notice. 

“I guess we’re even,” he says ruffling his hair. “I didn’t quite ask you for permission to kiss you earlier..”

“Oh…” I say lamely. 

“I really am sorry…” Jimin says not meeting my eyes. Who do I feel like he wasn’t quite honest about that? “I can’t promise it won’t happen again though…”

“What?” I said in shock. “Jimin-”

“I know you think I’m a player because of the pact and with what happened with Melanie,” Jimin continues. “I’m not going to lie to you that I do have that reputation but-”

“Jimin,” I interrupt him and I step closer. “It’s okay… I don’t care about all that.. I mean I’m not one to judge, I don’t know your circumstances and it’s your life, as long as you're safe and happy..I’m okay with it.”

“But?”

“There’s no but..”

“You walked away from me earlier Y/N,” Jimin sighs, also stepping closer. “There is a but.”

“It’s embarrassing..” I say covering my face. “Because I know you aren’t like that…at least I hope you won’t be like that to me…”

“Like what?” Jimin says grabbing my arms from my face, and pulling my chin to meet his gaze. 

“I’m not okay with being another conquest,” I whisper, feeling tears pool in my eyes. I hear his slight gasp and I see his mouth open but I continue. “But I can’t ask you to take me seriously, it wouldn’t be fair to your Soulmate. I don’t have the right...I’m just a childhood friend even if you were my first love..”

“What?”

SHIT

I felt my legs become wobbly but almost as if I was possessed, my voice came out strong.

“You were my first love,” I say meeting his eyes. “I don’t want to be just a summer fling, although everything feels intense with you, I probably wouldn’t be able to say no if that’s what you wanted.”

Jimin stares at my face intensely and I feel my heartbeat through my ears. Why isn’t he saying anything? Was I misreading him? Does he really only just want a physical relationship? Am I emotionally ready for something like that? Let’s be honest though...if that’s what he wanted..all he wanted from me, I would do it even if it would bring me a world of hurt later on..I know I would regret it if I didn’t.

“Okay.” Jimin says with a brilliant smile. “I want to be with you Y/N.”

It was at that moment my legs gave out and I let out a wavering breath, as if I was holding it all day. I probably was. Jimin crouches in front of me and caresses my cheek. It felt like fire followed his ministrations. 

“Can I kiss you?”

“You don’t have to ask.”

And for the second time that day, our lips met once more and like the waves behind us, they moved in sync, almost as if they were meant to. Hours...days could have passed us but all that mattered was the man clutching my face with tears running down his cheeks. 

I knew that one day he would find his Soulmate and it hurts whenever I think of that but I couldn’t let him pass me by. For once in my life, I felt greedy. I wanted this man, all of him even if he isn’t mine.

Prev | Next | Masterlist

[litwitlady]

whoever is filthy, let him be filthy still (5/6)

Read on AO3 - where it’s now complete.

Warnings: light addiction discussion

v. Michael (and Rosa, too!)

‘I know it feels impossible right now, Michael. But it’s progress. Without the lies between you, you’ll be able to heal when you’re both ready.’ Dr. Sampson leans forward and stretches out her arm. ‘May I see your list again.’

He unfolds the worn sheet of notebook paper and hands it over. ‘I’m done. Well, kind of done.’

Her eyes scan the names. ‘So, that’s it? Only four?’ 

Michael sighs. ‘There’s five. But I’m not ready for the fifth yet. Obviously. I couldn’t even write his name down.’

She narrows her eyes at him and then smiles. ‘I think there’s another name missing.’

He frowns at her. ‘There isn’t.’ 

‘When you look at yourself in the mirror, Michael, what do you see and what do you want to see?’ She sits back in her chair, knowing she’s hit a nerve. 

Michael slumps on the sofa, suddenly regretting the moment he’d stepped into her office.

***

A couple of weeks later, Michael stands in front of the mirror in his tiny bathroom staring at himself. Replaying Dr. Sampson’s questions over and over in his mind. Still unable to answer either one. But even so, he thinks he understands what she’s getting at - that he needs to make amends with himself. How to go about that is anyone’s guess. 

Despite how lost he feels, he’s still trying. These days he no longer sleeps until noon or goes to bed as the sun begins to rise. He works out regularly and eats fewer cheeseburgers, but still stops by to chat with Arturo regularly. Sanders is getting his money’s worth - a lot more than his money’s worth actually. And he’s still not drinking. Has even looked up the local Alcoholics Anonymous schedule in case he ever needs the additional help. 

And all of that has been nice. Once upon a time, he’d never have admitted that - not even to himself. But he can feel himself changing. Letting go of so much of the bullshit he’s held onto for so stupid long. Isobel has even remarked more than once at how much more he smiles now. At how much more he genuinely means every smile now.

But in spite of all his positive changes, he knows he hasn’t found the right way to forgive himself. Nothing he’s done feels big enough - significant enough. He’s struggling and needs help. So, before he starts his day, he places a phone call to Dr. Sampson’s office and asks for an extra appointment. He finds it hard to recognize his own voice. Which is a good thing because the old one sucked.

*** 

A few days later he makes the drive to Albuquerque. Dr. Sampson seems happy to see him, which he’s relieved about because penciling him in on such short notice couldn’t have been easy.

‘Okay, Michael, let’s see if we can work through your mental block. What have you worked on so far?’ 

‘Normal stuff - like eating better, working out, and not drinking. That’s all been good, but it’s just…I don’t know…health kick bullshit. None of it really matters. Problem is - I don’t know what really matters. I’m a pretty simple guy.’ He bites at his thumbnail. 

She nods. ‘I think those changes are great, Michael. And are absolutely part of making amends with yourself. But you’re saying you don’t feel satisfied yet?’ 

‘Yeah. There’s still this nagging feeling in my gut that I’m not trying hard enough.’

‘All right, let’s work on that for a minute.’ She crosses her legs and jots down something on her notepad. ‘Is there a moment in your life when you remember your trajectory changing? Maybe you had big life plans but something got in the way. Or maybe someone interfered and pulled you off track. Anything like that?’

There’s a lot like that. But one very specific day floods his memories. He swallows and begins to bounce his leg. Sees Dr. Sampson read him like an open book, but he’s too afraid to talk about that day out loud. He drops his chin in defeat.

‘That’s the one, Michael. That’s where the work is. And it’s not meant to be easy.’ Her voice is so soft and understanding. He wonders how understanding she’d be if he opened his mouth and told her the truth about what he’d done that summer night so long ago.

***

The next day Michael loads several boxes into the bed of his truck and takes off for the local church. He street parks and waits for the Addicts Anonymous group to let out. She finds him leaning against his Chevy, hat in place, and right leg bent onto the fender behind him. All he’s missing is a long piece of wheat straw hanging from his lips.

Rosa crosses her arms, confrontational but also amused. ‘You missed a good meeting. Maybe next time you’ll actually make it inside.’

‘Not here for the meeting, here for you.’ He lowers his tailgate and slides one of the boxes forward, cutting the flaps open with his pocket knife. ‘Thought we could drive out to the desert and get a little practice in.’ Holding up a lightbulb, Michael smirks at her. ‘Some chirpy little birdies told me you’re absolute shit at control.’ He tosses her the bulb like it’s burning. She drops it, glass shattering on the street at her feet.

‘Fuck off, payaso. I’ve got better things to do than be lectured by another overpowered alien. Never ends well for me.’ She turns her back and starts to walk away, shoulders wide with purpose and intent.

Michael lets her walk away. Shuts his tailgate and climbs back inside his truck, adjusting his side mirror to focus on her retreating form. He watches her pause, clench her fists, and turn back. Squinting her eyes at him and flicking him off. He laughs and eventually she slides in next to him. ‘I hate you.’

‘Hmm.’ He quirks an eyebrow and smiles, turning the key in the ignition. ‘Hate’s good. It’ll help you focus.’

The drive takes thirty minutes and they ride in silence. Rosa fiddles with the radio dial until she gets frustrated enough to give up and leave it on the one working station - country hits from yesterday and today. Michael knows she may as well be in hell, and she doesn’t bother hiding it. They have that in common. 

He parks in what appears to be the middle of nowhere. But to him, it’s like home. The Chevy’s tire tracks branded into the desert sand. Rosa can’t help but comment. ‘Come here often?’

‘Several times a week since I got the truck. Alone…mostly. To clear my head.’ Mostly is doing a lot of work considering how many hours he’s spent here with Alex over the past eleven years. But Rosa doesn’t need to know that. ‘You can borrow it if you ever need to.’ He lowers the tailgate again and grabs a lightbulb. ‘Ready?’

She narrows her eyes. ‘What? No helpful advice about grounding myself and finding my center?’  

Michael rolls his eyes. ‘I’m not Isobel. And I’m not Max. Just fucking concentrate.’  He holds out the bulb towards her and when he sees her eyes focus, he throws the bulb high into the air. It crashes on a nearby boulder. ‘You really are terrible.’

‘What the fuck? Why did you throw it?’ Her arms are crossed again, sweatshirt sleeves pulled down past her fingertips.

‘Too much time and you’ll overthink everything. If you’re anything like me, you need the added pressure. Now it’s my turn.’ He grabs his own bulb.

She shakes her head. ‘What do you mean, your turn? Can’t you do this already? I mean, you’re supposed to be teaching me - not yourself.’

He floats the lightbulb in the air between them. ‘I can use and control my power better than Max or Isobel will ever be able to. But there’s others powers I’ve never bothered to try before. Never cared enough, I guess. Or maybe some other fucked up reason. Who can say? Now shush.’

Using the same tactic he’d tried with Rosa, Michael tosses the bulb into the air and before it hits the ground, the tiniest spark blinks at them. Rosa pushes him playfully. ‘No fucking fair! How did you do that?’

Michael stares at where the bulb shattered and honestly can’t believe he managed to make anything happen. Even with Isobel’s newfound telekinesis, he’d been convinced he wasn’t worthy of anything more than what he already had. The proof at how wrong he was incredibly hard to swallow. ‘Let me try a few more times and then I’ll try to explain.’

Several splattered bulbs later, he’s able to light them and float them at the same time. Easy as breathing. Rosa has even started smiling and clapping each time he’s successful. 

‘When Max and Isobel were kids, they sucked at control. Max used to turn entire neighborhood blocks dark just from someone mentioning your sister’s name. School was always so dangerous because his accidental boners blew the classroom lights more than once. It got so bad that some days he’d have to go home early, feigning migraines.’ He laughs at the grin on Rosa’s face. ‘You can tell him I told you that story.’

‘Liz needs to know too.’ Her grin is wicked and Michael feels a very immature twinge of satisfaction.

‘Isobel was better, but not near as good as me. She’d get tired sometimes or upset and her control would crack. But that never stopped her from creeping into our minds. So, we started fighting back. In her weakest moments, it wasn’t her doing the influencing - it was us, me and Max. She’d leave our mindscapes with an intense desire to cluck like a chicken or bark like a dog. Really stupid kid shit.’ He lines up several more bulbs along his tailgate, squinting at the midday glare. ‘She’s too good now, though, and you definitely can’t tell her I told you that.’ 

‘You never struggled, though? Not like them?’ She hops up onto the tailgate and tilts her head, really intending to listen to him. It shifts something loose in his heart.

‘I didn’t grow up with love or comfort. I grew up with neglect and violence. Any time I fucked up, I risked brutal consequences. So, out of necessity my control has always been impeccable. I used to think my high I.Q. had something to do with it, but I know better now.’ He picks up two bulbs and stares at them. ‘It didn’t matter if I was having a bad day or hadn’t slept the night before. It didn’t matter if I was sad or angry or drowned in lust or love. I never lost control.’ 

He floats the two bulbs out in front of her. ‘You know that feeling when you need a fix so bad it hurts? That heaviness in the pit of your stomach? And the way your lungs expand against your ribs like they’re a second away from exploding?’ 

He glances at her and she nods, solemnly. Because she does know. It’s another thing they have in common. ‘That’s where you’ll find it. That’s where your power lives. And that’s how you control it. Max and Isobel will never fully be able to understand. But you and me? We were built for this.’ Max’s words echo back through his head. ‘It’s fucked up, but it’s the truth.’ 

They share one last meaningful look and then Rosa turns her attention to the two bulbs in front of her. Michael lights one and she closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and lights the second. When her eyes reopen, the glowing bulb shines full and bright across her face. Her eyes glisten with tears and Michael turns back to his truck to give her some space. He watches as slowly one by one, the remaining ten bulbs on his tailgate light up. 

‘Float them and I’ll buy you dinner.’

It takes her another hour, but eventually she can light and float at the same time. ‘I didn’t know I’d have your power, too. I thought I’d only get Max’s.’

Michael frowns and shakes his head. ‘We all have every power. Some just come easier. It’s something we only recently learned.’ Opening the other two boxes, Michael floats every single bulb, spinning them around her. ‘Light them all.’ She plants her feet and keeps her eyes open this time. Brightening them in a pattern only she can see. Head thrown back, eyes shining, and face blushed by the pleasure of her power. It’s in that simple moment that Michael figures out what comes next.

Two days later, he walks into the admissions office of Eastern New Mexico University’s Roswell campus with the clearest head he’s had in a long time. Maybe ever. The advisor talks him through all his options, and he leaves with an application and program guide. For social work. It’s not the future he had planned for and lost. It’s not the future he’d subjected himself to and hated. It’s the future that was waiting for him once he’d finally forgiven himself.

[chucklestheechidona]

Doctor Who: The Jodie Review

(Long post)

(Sorry)

Introduction

I decided, still being locked down, to watch some Doctor Who.

Hadn’t watched it in a while, told myself I’d always catch up when I had the time, and the universe decided to give me a lot of it.

I had stopped watching Matt quite some time ago, but caught up about 4 years ago to Capaldi’s first season. I had meant to carry on with it but slow-going times and I forgot and all the other jazz that fills in the space between not doing things.

But I thought I’d storm through them and get them over with. I had heard bad things going onwards, but hey, I’m one of those sad losers that LIKE Love and Monsters. It’s not great but I thought what it did well, it did great.

So, off I went to finally catch up on a show that formulated so much of my younger self, my love for time-travel, interesting sci-fi that ended up getting me into the genre, and a love for character interactions and lore.

I went through Capaldi, and his last two seasons, yeah, they had an odd episode here and there, Sleep No More is a disaster, but I carried on through. I’m a trooper, I got through Fear Her after all.

But I fell in love with the Doctor again. Heaven Sent is easily the best DW has offered so far, the character building with him and Clara and Bill and hell, Nardole, are superb. The stories were interesting, the Doctor was great and evolved, and the companions were the perfect fit for Capaldi.

And then, after a brilliant goodbye, he was gone.

“Be kind.“

And here we go, we’re with Jodie, she’s northern, she’s confused, and she’s in need of some pockets, falling through the sky, yeah, 200 degrees that’s why they call her missus fahrenheit-

Not Jodie, but Chibnall

I’m not going to drag this out too far, I ain’t gonna make you read this for ages just to see if I like it. If you don’t want to see me complain about two seasons, this is your point to head out.

I think these are the lowest series of Modern Doctor Who.

But like the title says, it’s not Jodie’s fault. She’s an amazing actress, and she plays the part well. Hell, so does Bradley, Tosin and Mandip. Each one of them is a good actor and when the scene calls for them, they pull it off well.

The issue here is the writing.

And I feel I should go through why I think that.

But first, I think I should point out the good.

The Good: On historical topics and representation

This is the most diverse Doctor Who has been in a while. It was pretty diverse before mind you, let’s not forget the Doctor seems a bit flexible, the companions have been a mix of sexualities, gender, age and race, and each one of them is loved by many. Hell, Jack Harkness was so popular he got his own tv show.

But Thirteenth has gone and made sure that there was more.

Characters just pointing out they’re gay and it’s just a matter of fact. It’s a statement, not an argument, not being out there or subvertive, it just is. People are more than fine with this. 

I’m surprised Graham the bus driver is so accepting of everyone at the start, but it speaks testament to his character. He fell in love with Grace, he raised a son with a disability, he stands up for those that dare have a go at any of that. Graham didn’t have to grow to learn this in the Tardis, he was accepting from the get-go. 

Well, there’s some conflict about Ryan blaming things on Dyspraxia in the first episode but it comes out of a place of fear of their lives. But any tensions between them are resolved quite well, to the point they can count on each other.

Either way, representation is important and Jodie’s season has it in spades.

As for historical topics, the Doctor tackles them quite well. Honestly, the episodes in the past are her strong suit. And as she’s a woman now, she has a new battle against her. History wasn’t always kind, and the gag of them addressing Graham each time is a genuinely good idea.

Also, Rosa had the opportunity to be butchered. It could have been written badly, it could have been handled with hardly any care, but it was the standout episode of the season. Each character gets some good lines, the gang has to face moral decisions and it’s a genuinely good look into a past that America would sometimes like to forget.

As an aside, I think Bill, even as one character, explored the sexuality thing more and the diversity she faced from it, I think thirteenth doesn’t do a bad job. I liked the astronauts as shown above quite a bit to be fair.

Graham

The standout star of the show.

This will be unfortunately brought up in my negatives for the show too, but this is the good side.

Graham’s lost his wife, he has to connect to her grandson, his cancer is a constant worry in his head and he comes with the Doctor in an attempt to escape/confront all three.

He is the one who evolves the most as a character in the first season, coming to terms with the death of Grace is something he battles with throughout, he still blames himself. For whatever reason, even in the Rosa Parks episode, he gets the most emotional writing. Ryan and Yaz do get good writing in the same episode mind you, (which is unfortunately one of the few times Yaz does) but it’s heartbreaking to see Graham realise what he has to do.

The Acting

I unfortunately have to put Ryan, Yaz and the Doctor here in one group category. and I hate to do that, but I feel it’d be a disservice not to mention them.

Their actors can act well. When the script calls for it, they do amazing work.

The scene where Jodie is angry and confused at the other Doctor, where Ryan is actually there to support his friend, when Yaz is comforting Ryan about America, where Jodie is fucking pissed at the Master, all good scenes.

But this is a perfect segway into -

The Bad: Asides the retcon

Holy shit where do I start.

I mean, we’ve got the good out of the way, so you know where I stand on the issues a bunch of people wrong accused the show of being. A female doctor is more than fine, the diverse cast is great, the topics of exploring the past is done good.

And I’m not going into the retcon just yet, I feel like going ITS BAD BECAUSE OF THIS ignores so much of the problems to be had

But let’s start with

The Doctor

This should have been her outfit just saying

I find the best way of describing most of this doctors run so far is...

Imagine, if you will, that you need to write a Doctor Who book. They’ve given you a plot to go with, but they haven’t told you which Doctor it’s for. But tight schedules and they still haven’t told you, so you write up a draft. A template. But you leave the Doctor’s text ambiguous. A template for a Doctor. With some work, you could make it the 12th, the 5th, the 1st, once you add mannerisms and how the doctor would react personally in a situation. So you write in this template Doctor and go to sleep. But you wake up and your assistant has only gone and submitted it.

The Doctor is kinder than any other iteration of her Doctor, but that’s it. I get why the natural progression from Capaldi, and Jodie sells a nice Doctor superbly, but ... 

There’s nothing really there to distinguish her as her own Doctor. She’s nice, a bit confused, LOVES things and calls people fam.

But like, that’s it. Where the 9th had coldness, 10 had eccentric, 11 had old man and 12 was furious, Jodie has... nice. But a Doctor needs an edge. 

She’s quiet about her home life and she doesn’t really talk much to her companions about it, but like, that’s understandable, she doesn’t really talk one on one to them or even much about their home lives.

She doesn’t get an arc until Spyfall, and even then it’s largely just turned into “She’s well moody”, and apparently well moody is just being kinda quiet. Jodie says it right when she shouts at them in one scene “You don’t know me!”

And she’s right, but then the companions trust her with everything and they’re part of a FAM and super close but they don’t really talk with each other. Jodie doesn’t have these quiet talks like the other Doctors would have with the companions, it’s just... not there.

And because it’s not there we’re supposed to believe they think of themselves as a tightly knit group but also very apart as characters. And the companions, to their credit, try and confront her on it, but the conflict is over so quick as to not be there at all.

Yaz and Ryan

This is the best scene of them in, and one of the rare times Yaz makes an impact on a story which isn’t just supporting the Doctor

What they did to these two actors is cruel.

Ryan at least gets to join in on Grahams arc, because it is Grahams arc, not Ryans, really. There’s a plot about his Dad that’s done quite well, so that’s why Ryan doesn’t suffer the same poor fate as Yaz does.

Yaz has absolutely no agency. She wants to be a successful Policewoman but it’s not really much addressed outside of the first episode and the dream episode (which admittedly, is a good episode and explores each character). She gets told by everyone she’s the heart of the team and super brave and like, she hasn’t got an arc, she pretty much blindly follows the Doctor, she has no reason to be there much other than her family’s a bit annoying.

Her actress plays the scenes well, and there’s some touching moments with her in Rosa and the dream episode about how she is the way she is, why she does the things she does. But 2 episodes out of 20 isn’t enough.

Ryan gets a couple of good episodes, a touching one especially comes with horrors of the future and not being there for his friends plaguing his mind, and he manages to get help for his depressed friend, which is touching.

But the two episodes? That’s kind of it.

Ryan gets a nice Dalek episode though.

Orphan 55

The worst episode in Doctor Who. Took any good faith from Spyfall and plonked S12 in bottom tier before we even got to the retcon.

If I talked about everything it did wrong here this would go on too long.

It was just the worst 45 minutes of DW

At least Sleep No More was just boring.

Character Arcs, What Are They

Graham’s arms give out in season 1 for carrying the team.

The Doctor against Tim Shaw is laughable, there’s no conflict past killing a couple of people, so Graham has to have that moral dilemma instead, Ryan manages to respect him and call him gramps, but that’s more Grahams arc than Ryans. Yaz has nothing, the Doctor learns nothing.

But series 2, the Doctor’s given an arc, which is something, considering that before this it was a throwaway line about Timeless Child from a piece of cloth.

Gallifrey is gone again, the insurance rates at this point are through the roof on this planet, she’s been told the Master did it for learning a terrible truth. But she of course doesn’t explore the ruins until she has to, but ah well, we can live with that, that’s fine in Doctor Who. I’m not even being sarcastic, the Doctor through all iterations isn’t very clever.

It gives her a bit of a mood that’s not really explored too much past that, but then we’re given Jo Martin as The Other Doctor

My opinions on throwing in Doctors from the past aside, (I love you John Hurt but damnit), Jo plays a competent Doctor, and her attitude clashes so well with Jodie that both actresses get to act well in good written scenes.

But then she’s just very confused until Gallifrey rolls around again.

We’ll ignore the retcon, again, but once she learns she gets super fucking pissed. And for good reason. Against the Master, against the Time Lords, against everyone, she’s shouting at everything, lost in her life.

But it’s sorted out very quickly by Jo intervention and then she’s much the same as ever.

Well, I say that, what I mean is “Willing to burn and kill all life on Gallifrey” with a button press. Yeah I know that the Time Lords are dead and the Master is about to kill everyone but you wouldn’t let a Spider be shot through mercy killing and you expect me to jump to “Would absolutely murder the Master and desecrate the bodies of the Time Lords”

It doesn’t matter anyway, for she has not the will to do so.

But she lets someone else do it

For fucks sa-

And at the end, what has she learned? That the thing she only knew half an hour ago shouldn’t affect her, so back to status quo

Wasted potential - Monsters

Imagine a super cool idea for a monster? Cool, add it into an episode.

And now get rid of it super quickly or butcher the premise.

REGENERATING CYBERMEN? Let’s have one shoot the other to show how bad it would be and then kill them immediately.

The Pting, capabale of disrupting a ships infrastructure an- Nah, just dick around with the lights.

A TIME TRAVELLING RACIST WHO KNOWS HOW TO FUCK UP THE TIMELINE

Let’s not even reference him 15 episodes later

Cyberman hybrid? 

You get the idea.

The Master, or rather, the Missy Issue

The Master is putting on his best Simms Master homage, and like, I get it. It’s a good Master, and Sacha really puts his all into it.

I can only hope that this Master is before Yana. Missy’s exit was poetic, done well. Of course, just when she could feel ok joining the Doctor, the obstacle in her way was herself. 

It’s not even the fact she died and why is he back now, it’s ... this Master has almost no nuance to him. He wants the Doctor to know the truth, which is at least some Master motives, but then its just wanton destruction for the sake of it. Like Simms but “what if we made him more crazy” The Master is more than this, can be more than this. It was nice seeing Jodie try and relate to him but this Master has thrown out three years of compelling evolution of the character. To throw it all out seems ... odd.

I can’t fault his performance though, he can be real damn quiet and sinister and really out there when he’s screaming at things.

The episodes themselves

Good cast, good side characters, good ideas, butchered in execution by not exploring the main cast, falling flat on the ideas and by the second season, losing the fun side characters.

Episodes I liked

Woman Who Fell To Earth

Rosa

Demons of the Punjab

WitchFinders

Takes You Away

Fugitive of the Judoon

Can you Hear me

Episodes I hated

Orphan 55

Arachnids

The Timeless Children

The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos (for cutting everything short)

Everything else was mostly unmemorable I fell asleep on Ascension of the Cybermen, had to rewind it.

The Retcon

You knew this was coming.

I put it last for I feel there’s a hundred and one issues here and it’d be cruel to just go for the obvious first. Maybe people would think I’d be against this one thing and that’s why I hate the rest. God no, I was so annoyed going into this episode, let alone for what it was about to deliver.

I don’t outright hate past Doctors. Hell, shove the brains of Morbius in there. It shits a bit on Hartnell and established lore a bit, but still.

“But the Brains of Morbius said-“

The eighth doctor said he was half-human, there are some bits of this canon we ignore.

But oh well, it’s not the main crux of the issue.

The Doctor, before this, was a Time Lord. He wasn’t much of a good one, by Time Lord standards at least. Ran from the schism, wasn’t as good as the Master in school, didn’t like the stuffy nature of his race, or their non-intervention policy. Ran off in a stolen ship with a knackered console and wanted to see the universe.

He flouted the rules. He stood up for people where Time Lords wouldn’t. Observe, don’t intervene. But the Doctor couldn’t, too curious, too inquisitive. He got a fondness for humans, god knows why. 

But this Time Lord was against his own people, he was kinder than them, but alien to us. He wanted to learn, and left his planet to see if there was good in the universe. He was a rather shit Time Lord but helped where he could, making a difference in other people’s lives, trying to be the best he could be, learning.

This got him into trouble with the Time Lords of course, but, hey, it’s a funny old universe.

And we like that, as British folk. An underdog common person just trying to help out and be good.

What we’re not a fan of is saying the the Doctor isn’t just some Time Lord that likes helping out, but a chosen one who is the reason that Time Lords exist in the first place and is of another dimensional world and there were 50 of them and they knew kung fu in the super secret Time Lord service but they wiped her mind because it was super secret guys and she can live forever and is immortal and-

I was annoyed when the 50th made a slight mockery of the Time War. I get we don’t always have to stick so closely to canon, but holy shit the Timeless Child.

The fact it was exposition dumped on us and then wrapped up 10 minutes after with NEW ADVENTURES AT CHRISTMAS was just the icing on the cake.

If you wanted to pull this off, this should have been the Doctor’s struggle for the next season, coming to terms that her life is missing, that the Time Lords did this, that she didn’t even know what was right or not

But no, resolved. Felt not like adding to the lore but upending it on its head to say he could.

It’s why I don’t blame Jodie, who does an excellent job. Or the cast.

I blame Chibnall.

And it wouldn’t be as bad if the writing leading up to it helped serve the episode. But there was nothing there. 

Conclusion

The writing is trash, the Doctor is underdeveloped, the cast outside of Graham aren’t explored, the setup for the finales are weak and uninspired, the retcons are going to cause major issues down the line and you’ve changed the very nature of the Doctor’s character and didn’t even have good writing behind it nor did much to explore it.

And I’m sorry it had to happen to such a good casting decision.

Here’s hoping you sign on to Big Finish and they give you some good storylines Jodie, you deserve it.

[laufire]

Roswell NM 2x07

I felt so so much for Rosa. I always do, but even more in this episode. Seeing her dragging the pod people is always great, ofc* (”I don’t speak bored rich lady at yoga” aslñkdfjasdf). And I lost it when she berated Liz over her red jacket LMAO (why are little sisters always stealing our stuff without permission smh xDD). I have a lot of Thoughts on how she’s reacting to Liz’s changes and harder exterior (when she told Rosa she’d taken “her advice” wrt their mother... my heart :(. And it wasn’t lost on me that Liz’s put on red lipstick for the dinner, aka “armor”). My heart constantly breaks for her when it comes to her addiction issues, but I do like that the show is tackling them this way, making her relapse etc. It feels real, given EVERYTHING she’s going through (and I also like that Liz is canonically bad at helping her with them, btw).

*Though I want to point out, in my books she and Max (but especially not the other two, who have acted worse in s2 ofc) aren’t “good”, because like I’ve said before, the damage Max & co caused wasn’t Rosa’s actual death. They’re “good” in the sense that Rosa doesn’t owe him anything now: his life was too high a price for undoing the damage he did and she fixed that. But that still leaves everything else: destroying Rosa’s memories, putting a target on the Ortechos, even endangering other PoC in the town that became collateral victims of the Conspiracy(TM). So yeah, like I say, these people still have a huge debt with Rosa (more Michael and ESPECIALLY Isobel, since she’s hurt her in the present too). I am glad that she’s not making nice with them (though the fact that she’s pushed into storylines with Isobel --who KEEPS INVADING HER PHYSICAL SPACE LIKE IT’S NOTHING. She’s now even been invited to Rosa’s “place” and I can’t tell you how much it disgusts me ¬¬-- gives me the creeps sns) and retaining her anger, because that can only be good for her narrative --the last thing I’d want is for her to become their prop ugh.

The one thing I didn’t like about the Helena-Liz-Rosa story... was Helena’s actress LOL. I just... don’t see her for the part? IDK, but it did put a damper on it for me. Otherwise, I did love it. I loved seeing Liz so affected --specially, I loved that Liz BELIEVED Helena, in a way Rosa didn’t, not really; that Liz was touched thinking Helena’d been sober since Rosa’s death. And I love that Rosa still wanted to “protect” Liz from it: that she didn’t tell her about the drugs she found on Helena’s car, and that her reaction to seeing their fight was “I couldn’t rescue you.” I loved the “Rose is looking down at us from above” *Rosa’s powers act out* scene LMAO (does Arturo know about that? Because it seems he got WHY it was happening but I can’t imagine these people actually be forthcoming with him about anything...). And I got ~feels when Liz mentioned Helena’s last time in town was at Jim Valenti’s funeral --I want more Rosa & Valentis stuff, okay? The only reason that isn’t explored as much seems to be that it’s not as easy to make it All About The Pod Siblings as the Ortecho family relations, tbh (which, btw, I HAAAAAAATE seeing Max act all buddy-buddy with Arturo. Haaaaaaate it. I hate how tainted Arturo’s relationships are for me).

I LOVE Maria for how she reacted to finding out she has genuine powers! I love how excited she was about saving a life (that she makes Isobel pay double makes her even MORE my hero xDD). And you know what? Between actually seeing them have meaningful interactions this episode (it is possible! Kyle and Maria CAN be in the same one! Wow), and her “and not just ANY life. Kyle Valenti’s. Who’ll go on to save MORE lives” has made me genuinely ship Kyluca LMAO (ofc while still side-eyeing everyone who convenience-ships it lmao). Add that my fave Kyle ship was already Kyle/Michael (mostly because I have Issues(TM) with all others lol), and that I ofc love Miluca (I love how proud he’s of her hustling and his heart eyes xD)... guess what I ot3 now LOL (their interactions all three together this ep obviously only add to that). I loved seeing Kyle bragging about his science advancements too LMAO. I love it when my faves have talents, know it, and value them as they should, no false-modesty bs.

I saw some promo pics for next episode and a.) it seems Rosa will be flirting with some girl, yay!, and b.) JAMIE CLAYTON IS ON IT. I’m guessing she’ll be Cameron’s sister, which might mean I actually care about that storyline now LOL. It would fit with how hard this show goes *SOMETIMES* with RL analogies (I mean. Trans activist, state secrets, prison, etc. It’s not subtle). I say sometimes because they do tackle racial issues directly with, for example, Maria’s family (the experiments), the Ortecho’s... but then ofc there’s the whole mess with the pod siblings + Noah, so.

[jamkoi]

Alex and Leo are Cousins

Here are my thoughts. Under the cut because this got looong and is more of a timeline than it is actual hcs my bad anon quq

- I firmly believe they’re first cousins (Esperanza and Mr. Fierro’s other parent had the Fierro surname before it was changed to Valdez, which Mr. Fierro most likely took when he was older cause I’ll admit Fierro rocks) - They met as little kids when Esperanza or Mr. Fierro decided to visit each other for whatever reasons. They go back and forth, honestly. Mr. Fierro maybe sends Esperanza money to fly over or Esperanza saves up - Leo and Alex both got along almost right way. I say YES to Alex being a big part of Leo realizing he isn’t cis, lol. She was just so carefree about how she expressed herself and every time he was uncertain about something, she encouraged him out of it. Biggest 5 year old hype gal - Alex didn’t know exactly what she felt about her gender at the time, but was very pleased when Leo respected her requests to not call her certain things and then allowed them later on, and it changed depending on how she felt. He never questioned it, and if he stumbled he’d correct himself without any theatrics. She loved that - When in Texas, Leo liked to show Alex around in the shop, showing her what tool did what. Mr. Fierro was obviously like ‘absolutely not’ but Esperanza told him that it’s fine because Leo knows how to handle himself in the workshop. And he’d never let Alex get hurt. - Alex is melting in the Texas heat but Leo’s just fine. He’s not good at knowing what cools off the quickest yet but they both raid the fridge and find the ice pops Esperanza sometimes stashes in there and watch TV. - When in Boston, Alex gave Leo a tour of the Fierro residence. Poor boy got lost more than once when Alex left to go get something. - Alex pointedly didn’t want to play around her parents and Leo didn’t really question why. He was happy to spend time with her. [Although he Sort Of understood when he nearly knocked a vase over and Mr. Fierro pinned him with a glare that Terrified him] - Meeting Grandpa Fierro is SO fun cause Alex definitely wants to show Leo the art of pottery and Grandpa Fierro is very willing to teach. Leo is ... pretty bad and whatever he makes comes out sloppy but Alex loves it and it has its own special place in her room - When Esperanza dies and Leo gets bounced around relatives houses before he gets put into the foster care system, he gets put with the Fierros after Aunt Rosa kicks him out swearing he’s the devil. I also firmly believe Aunt Rosa called up every relative and explained how Leo is a menace and shouldn’t be taken in but whatever last shred of humanity Mr. Fierro had left let him take Leo in lol - It’s fun at first. They’re very happy to see each other again. Alex is so sad to hear about Esperanza and when Leo cries in the middle of the night telling her it was his fault that his mom died, she firmly denies it. She’s the first person to tell him this and it means so much for him even if he doesn’t believe it at first - This is also around the time when she shapeshifts in front of him for the first time to help him feel better. She turns into a bird and flies around, and when she turns back she accidentally lands on him because she’s only 7 and just started to get the hang of fully turning into something. She covers Leo’s mouth when he’s about to say something about it. ‘Shh...papi doesn’t know about it, and he can’t know! This is just between us, ok?’ - “Your power is actually really cool...all mine does is hurt people :(....” ‘That’s not true! You’re really warm.’ She then hugs him very hard. - When discussing parents, Alex suspects that Leo’s dad is probably a god, but since she’s just a kid and doesn’t know much she just leaves that topic alone. - Mr. Fierro and his wife suck so much. Without going into detail, Leo then understood why Alex didn’t want to spend time with her parents at all. The Fierro home is the first in the long line of homes he runs away from. And it’s without any warning! [aside from a note he leaves next to Alex’s pillow] He feels so awfully bad about it, but Mr. Fierro keeps reminding him of how much Leo owes him and how he can still make up for basically killing Esperanza that Leo just Snaps and Leaves. - Alex is absolutely heartbroken when she wakes up and finds the bed on the other side of the room empty, but ultimately understands. She throws the note away so Mr. Fierro can’t find it, and doesn’t need to play dumb when asked about Leo’s whereabouts cause she genuinely doesn’t know. She just really really hopes it’s somewhere better - A month or two before Leo is hauled off to the wilderness school, they find each other again on the streets. [Aimless running away had Leo back in Boston without him realizing right away lel] Alex doesn’t recognize Leo. Leo had cut his hair and his clothes were baggier and dirty, his eyes were no longer bright and he hunched over as he walked. But even though Alex had also cut her hair so she no longer had the long dreads she wore in a ponytail as a child, he’d recognize that green/pink kind of style and proud confidence anywhere. - Does Leo basically tackle her in greeting? Yes. Does she almost slug him because it came out of fucking NOWHERE? Also yes. They take their time catching up ! When Leo leaves again, she’s a little sad but happy she got to catch up with him again. - During the quest of the seven when the topic of family comes up, Leo brags endlessly about HIS really cool cousin that can shapeshift. “She can turn into animals like you, Frank! But, like. She’s pink and green when she does it.” [It’s been many years since he’s last seen Alex shapeshift but he still remembers all the times she did. It’s only when she’s older that she gets the hang of it enough to be able to get the animals correct colors down, which he’s not around for] - At some point during the events of the second book of TOA, he stumbles across a newspaper covering Alex’s death and when I tell you he cries, he Cries. [In a bathroom, cause he’d first die than have Apollo try to nose into his business] He’d been planning on finding her while travelling on Festus when he was on his way back to CHB with Calypso, but he didn’t think she’d die before he could find her again. He really really wanted to bring her to CHB so she didn’t have to live in the streets anymore. - Part of Alex’s rampaging around the hotel was also because she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to see her favorite cousin again and was checking to make sure if he was here. When she hears she’s not allowed out, she’s already planning to find a way out of the hotel cause FUCK that rule lol. - Her plan on coming with Magnus and the gang was also part because Loki told her not to and part because she wanted to see if she could give the gang a temporary slip and find Leo somehow . Things got waaaay to hectic before she got a chance to. - Third book I ALSO believe that Percy and Annabeth were bound to have talked about their quest of the seven Somehow and mentioned their friends and when Alex hears the name Leo she [extreme eyes emoji] - Annabeth and Percy are NOT allowed to leave until they tell her everything, answer all of her questions, ask if he’s talked about her (he definitely has and oh my gods he probably thinks you’re dead. because you’re dead. oh my gods), and take a very long letter addressed to Leo with them with the promise that they’ll give it to him first chance they get. - She’s literally just super relieved that he’s alive after having already died (HEY. JUST LIKE ME! WOW!! Well. Sort of.) and doing just fine. - Come the end of the third book she demands a visit and that’s exactly what she sets out to do

[armageddon-generation]

Making an arc out of series 11 (and other fixes)

I DON’T MEAN TO HATE - I genuinely really liked this TARDIS team, Jodie has completely won me over and the episodes not written by Chibnall were great - but this series does have several frustrating Issues.

One recurring problem I see people having is that the finale didn't feel climactic because there was little build up.

A few ways to fix this :

The Woman Who Fell to Earth

Just improve Tim Shaw - alter his design so he’s not just a black robot-man - take the tooth idea and do something like the Sycorax?

Change the ball of electricity into an actual creature - then establish Tim Shaw’s abusive relationship with it, taking out his viciousness on this helpless slave, because he’s a coward

This mster/beasty relationship would give Tim more character and make him easier to hate

It also establishes the running theme of the Stenza altering/controlling other creatures - it gives them a distinctive ‘gimmick’ like Dalek extermination and Cyberman conversion, which we can expand on in The Ghost Monument, The Tsuranga Conundrum and The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos

The Ghost Monument

Establish the threat of the Stenza - ravaged worlds better (show us the flesh eating water instead of telling us about it and have more time with the Remnants instead of those boring robots)

Do this by giving Desolation (which is out of orbit) short, irregular days (5 hours, 3 hours) so the threat of the Remnants is always there - build tension and character at day (the “Mum told me to jump” speech) and have scary chase sequences during the two night sections

The Stenza using Desolation to create weapons of mass destruction reminds the Doctor of the Time Lords' tactics in the Time War, (that's why she's so interested in the planet) and establish that Yaz wants to know what happened to the Doctor's people/family

One of the racers should've had their planet stolen, not just enslaved, to establish the mystery of the planets Tim Shaw is stealing

Show their desperation by having the racers actually compete and fight with each other, with Team TARDIS stuck in the middle. Both characters believe they deserve the prize because they've suffered and lost more.

Yaz separates them, directly paralleling her intro scene in episode 1 - from parking disputes to this.

GIVE 13 HER BIG MOMENT because I waited until literally the last line of the series to understand where she's coming from. 13 is the joyous explorer, she doesn't have time for wallowing in angst, there's too much universe out there to see.

Something like: "It's not about what you've lost, that doesn't make you better than him! All that matters now is what's ahead. What are you going to do if you win, where will it take you? Have you even thought about it? Because maybe, just maybe, if you stopped pitying yourself you could make something good from this. Yes, you're family is gone and I'm sorry. But just because they're dead doesn't mean your life should stop too. Move forward."

This helps Chibnall's 'Fresh Start' mandate because it establishes 13 as completely different from RTD and Moffat's Doctors (especially 10 and 12) who felt a sense of superiority because of their past pain. It also ties into Ryan and Graham letting go of Grace.

The TARDIS went to Desolation in the first place because it wanted to help the planet (remember she has personality) - 13 realises this once they reunite.

We've previously established the TARDIS can change the weather, and it's had thousands of years on Desolation to prepare calculations etc, so have a sequence at the end where they show off to the new conpanions and terraform the planet, reversing the Stenza's damage

Post - credits scene / stinger - while the companions explore the TARDIS, show 13 viewing the footage the TARDIS collected over thousands of years of the Stenza violating the planet - she doesn't look happy, but then Yaz calls her for a tour and she puts on the bright smile again.

Yaz

I think Team TARDIS in series 11 was meant to be split between the familial relationship between Ryan and Graham, with the standard swept-off-her-feet almost-romance between the Doctor and Yaz in the background. They didn't focus on Thasmin much because I think Chibnall assumed 'oh, we've seen this before'

SHOW THE GROWTH OF YAZ AND THE DOCTOR'S RELATIONSHIP. IT SHOULDN'T BE ROMANTIC (YET) BUT JUSTIFY THEIR DEVOTION TO EACH OTHER

Because Yaz is a police officer have her 'investigate' the Doctor's past - especially her family, as that's an important part of her character and theme in the series as a whole. Since Chibnall loves Classic they could mention Susan

This makes 13 telling Yaz about her Granny in It Takes You Away an important milestone in their relationship

Yaz to Ryan about the Doctor's family:

Thirteen's character

People complaining Jodie isn't unique enough kind of have a point, but the seeds are there:

I like the idea of 13 being easily distracted and careless ("I'm almost going to miss you." / "Hi Yaz, forgot you were there."). Her being slow to trust contrasts nicely with Jodie's infectious enthusiasm. Have Yaz's role be keeping 13 focused, grounded and on-track when she needs to be.

Also! I've seen the idea thrown around 13 is only acting all bright and chipper. It'd be really interesting if she prioritises Team TARDIS' emotional wellbeing over her own

This way we have parallel arcs - Yaz gets the Doctor to open up as Ryan gets closer to Graham

13 and her Sonic

13 is meant to be a tinkerer, but we don’t see much evidence of this outside building the Sonic

So she wears a tool belt

The belt is TARDIS-like (bigger on the inside) and 13 pulls things out of it like Mary Poppins’ carpet bag

13 pulls bits of scrap out of the belt and cobbles things together when she’s excited / nervous / talking (pipe cleaner helicopters! Catapults! Wind-up mice!)

This distinguishes her from 11, who also did a lot of hand-flapping and is already superficially similar personality-wise

More floofy/fly-away haired 13! It makes her seem more energetic, constantly in motion, which really suits her.

The popular headcanon is that the Sonic works randomly (one episode it can do things, the next it can’t) because over the years the Doctor has added so many features they’ve overloaded it. So now she’s got a new Sonic, 13 is constantly fiddling with it/adding new features

Address the NuWho Doctors’ over-reliance on the Sonic - 13 keeps expecting the Sonic to do things but because it’s new hardware, it can’t, and she has to solve problems on her own

A running gag where 13 goes ‘watch this, gang’ and the Sonic does something completely opposite what she wanted and now they have to improvise

In the finale the Sonic finally works properly and 13 uses it to beat Tim Shaw

Occasionally (in an episode opening) 13 makes weird machines without knowing what the fuck they do:

13: [holding up a small device] Does this look familiar? Do you know what it is? Neither do I. I made it last night in my sleep. Apparently I used Gindrogac. Highly unstable.

Yaz: Doctor…

13 : I put at button on it. Yes. I want to press it, but I’m not sure what will happen if I do.

Ryan: [runs for cover]

13 and Graham

In Series 11, 13 always seemed annoyed by Graham (“Don’t kill the vibe”) and never seemed to grow past it.

Suggest 13 is living vicariously by helping Graham reconnect with Ryan – the Doctor first started travelling in the TARDIS to connect with their grandchild, so this is 13 coming full-circle

13 notices how good and Granddad Graham is trying to be for Ryan, and as he grows braver she comes to really respect him.

Graham becomes her confidant – he’s the only one 13 shows her age to, and she helps Graham begin again: They talk about how the Doctor has had to reinvent and regenerate themselves again and again because the universe needs them – much as Ryan needs Graham. 13 has lots of experience moving past loss, and they support each other through the pressure of being responsible (for Ryan and Yaz respectively)

Ryan

Have the Doctor and Ryan's relationship develop - in The Woman Who Fell to Earth they suggested 13 would take a nurturing parental role for him ("That's the kind of thing Grace would've said") but it's not really built on. All the pieces are there (him being immature and using weapons in the beginning)

Ryan and 13 have a sibling-like relationship - she teaches him about life and the universe - have 13′s use of slang (skillz with a z) come from Ryan having fun teaching slang to a socially inept alien

also maybe a reccuring joke about Ryan going for a fist-bump and 13 patting his fist, that pays off by the finale

Does anyone remember Ryan and Yaz went to Primary school together? Capitalise on that. When Ryan talks about how his Dad left him in Tsuranga and It Takes You Away, make it explicit that she understands because she saw Ryan go through it as a kid, and remembers what it did to him emotionally

A common complaint about Ryan is that he rarely actually does anything - he just stands there and says "they're gone!" or "it's a spaceship!". So have this be part of his character. In the early episodes have Yaz be the most active companion (allowing her to develop!), with Ryan (nervous about his dyspraxia) in the background, and have him become more and more active and competent as the series goes on.

Episode Order

For this to work I suggest shuffling the episodes - 1, 2, 8, 4, 6, 5, 7, 3, 9, 10

10 60-minute episodes to fit the new stuff in and give the large cast more room. The Woman Who Fell to Earth (60 minutes) was Chibnall's best script.

This way series 11 gets the same screen time as the 12 episode Capaldi series

Instead of 2 trailers for the next episode (one pre and one post credits) insert a post-credits stinger hinting at arcy things

The Witchfinders (We’re Going on a Witch-Hunt)

Swap Rosa and The Witchfinders around. We can get the 'female discrimination' thing out of the way faster (it felt weird they didn't explicitly address it until episode 8). Yaz and 13 can bond over their shared oppression (this is the first time the Doctor realises what history is like for her female companions - for the first time, they are of equal status and must work as a team).

Also have Yaz, the POLICE OFFICER, be personally offended by the miscarriage of Justice in the Witch Trials, and defend the victims - relate it to her experience on the job (maybe touch on domestic abuse?) instead of the cliche bullying story

The villains being escaped convicts from a prison also links to Yaz's character and job - contrast her applying police protocol to the Morax (she never had a case this big at home!) with 13's "fuck it, time to wave the glowy science stick' attitude - Yaz forces 13 to be disciplined, 13 forces Yaz to think outside the box and bend the rules

Arachnids in the UK (Spiders in Sheffield)

Still episode 4 - this needs a complete rewrite IMO, but for starters make the Trump parallel less explicit and cringey

Address Yaz has left her job as a police officer behind - she goes into work (with 13 as her ‘consultant’) and learns about people disappearing - we meet the spider expert at the Police Station, (because Yaz’s  neighbour being the only victim AND working in that spider lab was too big a coincidence) 

The expert is being ignored because the disappearances are higher priority, so low-ranking Yaz gets stuck with her

The spiders have spread all over Sheffield, not just the one flat and all around Yaz’s building

Have Ryan, Yaz and the Doctor go to meet Yaz’s mum at the hotel while Graham is mourning Grace in their nearby flat

When the spreading spiders reach Yaz’s family, Graham goes to help them, showing how brave 13 has helped him become.

We now have two tension-filled scenarios:

A home invasion subplot where Graham helps Yaz’s family keep the spiders out of their flat. Use this to flesh out and make her sister and Dad likeable - Graham comforts them when they’re scared, calling back to Grace's last line "promise you won't be scared without me" - 13 has helped him!

13 and Co being chased around the hotel (PROPERLY chased - the spiders use webs to cut off corridors and herd them around like rats in a maze)

YAZ GETS TAKEN BY THE SPIDERS - this is the moment 13 realises how attached she is to her new friends. She and Mrs Kahn work together to go and save Yaz from the Spiders’ nest (eliminating that annoying Jackie Tyler “you’re endangering my kid” trope) while Ryan uses his music to draw the spiders away

13 gets to see Mrs Kahn’s maternal affection and we see her desire for family. Ryan’s music draws the Spiders back and saves Graham and Yaz’s family

When Ryan and Graham reunite it’s very emotional - Ryan saved Graham’s life - ‘looking out for each other’

Finally have the Doctor save the Spiders by using the TARDIS as an Ark, instead of leaving them to die - call back to Planet of the Spiders and drop them off there

Since she's at home, once they’ve saved everyone have Yaz do girly things with the Doctor (because they haven't been able to rest since episode 1) - maybe nail painting? Only 13 starts using the varnish as finger paint. Also! I like the idea of them choosing 13's earring together bc 13 has no clue about jewelry

Demons of the Punjab

This should be episode 5, because it's connected to 4 by Yaz's family and together they provide a nice rounding-off of the half of the series more focused on her

The Thijarians have had their planet stolen, not just destroyed (it would still kill everyone)

That way when we see the hologram of what happened to their planet we establish the threat of what will happen to the Earth if Tim Shaw wins in the finale

(the powder they have can still be the stuff left over afterwards)

Also it's weird that Yaz goes to see her Grandmother, who she discovers remarried, and Ryan doesn't react at all.

Ryan has nothing to do in this episode, and because we're putting Punjab earlier in the series, Grace's loss is fresher. Give him a moral dilemma: He wants to go back and see her when she was young (and with her first husband - implicitly rejecting Graham) like Yaz is seeing her Gran

After seeing what happens to Yaz's family, and seeing Graham's caring reaction to Prem, he follows 13's advice and gives up on seeing Grace again - he's content with Graham

He bonds with Yaz over the episode and warns her not to take family for granted. At the end Yaz takes him to meet her Gran in the present day ("I was lucky enough to know yours")

The Tsuranga Conundrum (The Good Doctors)

Have the medical ship be a war ambulance helping victims of the Stenza's conquest

The general on board has fought the Stenza

Cut her brother and the 2nd nurse, they're unnecessary - have the ship be understaffed because of the strain the Stenza are putting on the medical service, give the engineering role to 13

The asteroid field they have to fly through (which we should ACTUALLY SEE) is not just an asteroid field but the wreckage left behind by another missing planet.

Replace the P'ting. It may be cute but the vast majority of people thought it was ridiculous. Instead have it be a Stenza weapon left over as the ship is flying through an old battleground - it can still be small and destroy the ship from the inside out, but its design can be more threatening and it can be more sympathetic (it was experimented on/created to kill, it isn't evil)

13 tries to pilot the ship first but can't because she's wounded. She has to rely on Team TARDIS and delegate the usual ‘Doctor’ roles. She faces off against the tactical P’ting, trying to fix the ship as fast as it disassembles it, while Yaz runs around trying to catch the thing, and Ryan and Graham take care of the passengers

The sonic STAYS BROKEN so 13 has to do this all by hand

Once 13 is told the Stenza are still out there hurting people, introduce a subplot over the next 3 episodes before the finale where she's sneaking off at night to go and help fight them (without the others knowing, because they're too emotionally biased)

The next episodes (Kerblam!, Rosa) gradually shift the focus onto Ryan's growth as he becomes more active

It Takes You Away

Add 13 and Graham - now close friends - talking about grandkids, and put more emphasis on 13′s reaction to the abandoned girl

This sets up the Solitract turning into Susan, the Doctor’s granddaughter, instead of the frog at the end

You don’t require previous NuWho knowledge to know about Susan - she has barely been mentioned.

Have her be played by the actress from An Adventure in Space and Time, like David Bradley as the First Doctor 

This way we directly address the theme of grandchildren and family

The Solitract is a link to 13's childhood and family. It's also another omnipotent consciousness she can relate to (think 9 and Bad Wolf - "That's what I feel, all the time!"). Finding that and immediately letting it go must be traumatising

Have a quick scene of Yaz catching 13 crying, but she quickly covers up because Graham just saw Grace and he's distraught

Finale (Battle Phantoms)

When they arrive on the battlefield 13 accidentally reveals she's been helping fight the Stenza offscreen (which is how she knows about this battle - one of the ones she was too late for)

This lie infuriates Graham - she's been blocking his revenge for ages

BIG EMOTIONAL MOMENT

13: Maybe I am a liar, and I promised I wouldn't be, but that's because I know what it's like, Graham. To want to hurt the people who hurt you. How that anger burns like fire, like a supernova. And it took me so long to get over it, so long to move on. Whole lifetimes wasted hurting and hating. I didn't want that to happen to you. No one deserves to be broken twice.

This gives Graham a legitimate reason to go against 13 without announcing his intention to kill Tim Shaw like an idiot. It also plays up 13's hypocrisy, which was touched on in the original script

What was the point of 9 distress calls if they're all in the same place?? Use this pportunity to split team TARDIS up and showcase how they've grown as individuals before bringing them back together (Ryan and Graham, Yaz and 13) for the 3rd Act

Graham being on his own drives up the tension over whether he'll kill Tim Shaw - Ryan gets there just in time

Explicitly call back to the moment in The Ghost Monument when Ryan used a gun - highlight how far he's come because of 13, talking Graham down

Get rid of the robots, because they weren't in The Ghost Monument now, and they turned the intimate story into an action movie.

Over the series we've established the Stenza genetically engineer other creatures into weapons (the Remnants, the P'ting, the cable ball in The Woman Who Fell to Earth). Replace the robots with scary leftovers from the Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos (because that title was irrelevant to the original episode) - Think the Hand Mines from The Magician's Apprentice

Have each of the missing planets throughout the series be named - that way when we discover the stolen planets in the finale there is emotional impact because their being stolen has caused so much suffering.

This way not only are the Stenza a lot more threatening because they are present throughout the series, there is more build up to seeing Tim Shaw again

Also, the subplot about returning the planets is more emotionally impactful - the Doctor is retroactively providing closure to lots of the side characters from the series

Finally the threat to Earth is much greater - the companions have seen what losing your planet does to a person emotionally, and they fear that

WHEN THE EARTH IS THREATENED CALL BACK TO YAZ'S FAMILY SO WE FEEL SOMETHING

Also the continuing thread of missing /lost planets could link to Galifrey, raising 13's emotional stakes

Multiple people have complained the plot thread about the planet attacking you psychically and erasing your memories went nowhere - when 13 and Yaz take those devices off they get slight headaches

Instead have the planet actually attack them - 13 and Yaz have to remind each other of their memories and their families - exposing Yaz to a rare snapshot of the Doctor’s lonely childhood on Galifrey

This gives Jodie the opportunity to do some SERIOUS DRAMATIC ACTING, and finally opening up about Galifrey to the whole TARDIS team at the end gives an emotional climax to her relationship with them, as well as the relationship between Ryan and Graham

The Fam line is cute, but we need ACTION to evidence this growth - this way throughout the series we’ve established how much family means to 13, how much she wants that, and Yaz saying “I’ve always liked fam” means so much because it means she understands 13 as a person

Resolution

Change how the Dalek got split.

Medieval humans killing a Dalek on their own is ridiculous and makes itr less threatening. Instead, have the Dalek be a scout from the Time War, looking to attack Earth to distract the War Doctor. The Doctor, furious, rushes over and helps the human armies divide it, to stop the Time War spreading to his second home.

We’re told this legend by the archaeologists, positioning the Doctor as a vengeful wizard. We can get a flashback with the War Doctor as a dark silhouette on a hill or something.

This makes the “it’s personal” stuff even truer

Use the archaeologists and dig site to expand on the Dalek race’s impact on humanity, because they’ve visited Earth dozens of times. I’m thinking wall paintings depicting the Dalek Shell as a Divine war chariot, and the mutant as a Cthulhu-like God

This way we’re really throwing Team TARDIS in the deep end - they are immediately aware of the number of times the Doctor has fought the Daleks, which is completely different to the rest of series 11, where 13 was encountering everything for the first time

Change the junkyard Dalek shell.

The Scout goes to a storage facility where pieces of its shell are stored. Now this place is owned by the modern incarnation of the cult we’ve set up who worshipped the Dalek in ancient times (their logo is the same symbol found on the wall paintings)

Instead of killing the gay (AGAIN), have the company staff welcome and exult the Dalek - only for it to turn around and kill them all, establishing its racial superiority complex. (This is something Chibnall glossed over - his Dalek wanted to conquer like anyone else, not exterminate)

The company has collected the remains of dozens of different Dalek models from invasions across the show’s history (we still have the parallel to 13 making her Screwdriver)

The Dalek reassembles itself not using Earth metal, but into a Frankenstein’s monster welded together from different Dalek designs (classic 60s, Imperial, Special Weapons, Time War, Supreme, Progenitor)

When the Dalek and 13 face each other this one Scout now represents the entire Dalek race, every type the Doctor has ever fought. The idea of it stitching itself together is also a nice parallel to Regeneration

Destroy the Dalek by separating all the different sections - use Ryan’s dad’s technical skills but don’t have all of Team TARDIS rush the Dalek without getting killed - them pushing it around immediately removed any threat.

Emotional Impact

Seeing the remains of all the Daleks the Doctor has killed at the storage facility and hearing the stories of the War Doctor makes Team TARDIS reconsider 13

Police officer Yaz realises she is devoted to a murderer, and considers whether she wants to get closer to such a person

To make the Dalek more impactful to both Team TARDIS and the new audience that has only watched Series 11, when Graham asks why it’s so dangerous have 13 say something along the lines of “the Daleks are my Stenza”

Graham realises why 13 stopped him killing Tim Shaw in series 11, and (considering his Dad must’ve fought in WW2) gains a new level of respect for her

Don’t have Ryan immediately forgive his Dad and declare that he loves him - set up that he’s willing to give his Dad a second chance as an arc for series 12 - the push and pull between Graham and Ryan reconnecting with his Dad

The Scout is trying to complete its original mission, bringing the Tile War to Earth - 13 has to  literally defend her freinds from the ghost of the War and finally let go of her violent past (personified by the War Doctor). She’s also letting go of the deified, Messiah-like version of herself (represented by the wall paintings of the Doctor’s battle with the Dalek) that RTD and Moffat loved

13’s arc is worrying learning about the Daleks and their toxic relationship will change the way her friends look at her, because she’s been trying to protect them from this side of her life (it’s revealed she’s been deliberately avoiding places she’s been before because she’s looking for a fresh start)

By now Ryan and Graham are getting along fine, they’ve avenged Grace’s murder and Ryan is now talking to his Dad. 13 worries everyone has outgrown her, and they’ll leave

Have a scene at the end where Yaz comforts 13 and assures her she won’t abandon her - 13 doesn’t need to save their lives for them to want to travel with her - it’s their job to save her. They are here because they care about her. 

This way we get a new emotional climax of 13′s emotional arc and reaffirm the status-quo for Series 12

Improving Matt Smith’s era here

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Worst of 2019 (So Far)

And now we get to the opposite of yesterday’s post: the worst of what we’ve seen so far. Time to give them a proper thrashing before they (hopefully) fade into obscurity. Disappointingly, there's a general lack of films that were bad but in an interesting way. Mostly, it’s either been the same sorta dreck we usually get with a couple of unusually offensive stories and a couple of soul-crushingly bad superhero flicks. Curious? Read on.

10. Serenity

I like to save my #10 spot on the “Worst of” list for a movie that has a chance of becoming a favorite among those who love bad movies. Serenity is competently enough made that it does not belong in the same category as The Identical or Runaway. It’s another kind of bad movie, the kind that baffles anyone who sees it and who will have film historians scratching their heads in the future. It’s not quite on the same level as 2017’s “The Book of Henry” but close. Top-notch actors at the top of their career in a story so poorly conceived it would’ve been brilliant if it weren’t awful and utterly absurd.

The revelation that everything we've been seeing is actually part of a video game programmed by an angry teen who hates his abusive father, and that his actions are tied to those of Matthew McConaughey's character is the kind of nutty decision someone at some point should've questioned. My advice? Surprise some unsuspecting friends with it. Periodically pause the movie so they can write down how they think it'll all fit together and then watch their faces as they're proved wrong.

9. After

I’m not going to remember After down the line so this is my opportunity to give it another flogging. I can’t believe fan-fictions of real people is a real thing and that one of them was deemed legitimate and popular enough to be turned into a movie. It plays out like the clone of a clone of a clone of Twilight. At least that movie had danger in the form of vampires and werewolves. This has nothing to offer except embarrassing drama and a prepubescent’s idea of what romance and love look like. I saw it in the theater with a friend and thank goodness she was there; it made what would've been a chore... slightly more bearable.

8. Dumbo

I’ve already gone on about how I feel about Disney’s string of live-action remakes. For the most part, they fail to validate their own existences; they’re just copies of the original but with “real” actors dancing around animated backgrounds, objects and locations instead of everything being traditionally animated. Dumbo isn’t like Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast. It does try new things. It diverges from the source material significantly in the worst way. The titular character winds up playing second banana to a bunch of circus performers no one cares about and in the end didn’t contain an inkling of the emotion the 1941 version did.

7. Dark Phoenix

This one’s a triple-whammy. Not only was it a deeply disappointing way for Fox’s X-Men series to end, it retreaded old material in a way that was worse than X-Men 3: The Last Stand AND it was a box office bomb. By the time the story finally comes alive… it’s just about over. The whole thing feels like a mistake, bringing in aliens and asking us to invest in characters we just haven’t had enough time to fall in love with. Makes me wonder what the future of the characters is going to be like. Yes there are a number of heroes and heroines we haven’t yet seen, but are people going to care, even when the brand gets a new coat of paint from Marvel Studios?

6. Men in Black: International

Was anyone asking for the Men in Black series to return? Maybe if they'd had a dynamite story this could’ve overcome the public’s general disinterest, but this was an extremely generic plot you could figure out easily minutes in and lost touch with what endeared us to the first. Even with the combined forces of Tessa Thompson and Chris Hemsworth failed, it to generate many laughs. Worse, to make sure I got any references or Easter egg it might drop, I re-watched all of the previous Men in Black movies, including the horrific Men in Black 2.

5. Replicas

This movie goes about itself in such a convoluted way. First, Keanu Reeves plays a scientist working for a company that wants to transplant the mind of dead soldiers into androids. Then, his family is killed in a car crash, prompting him to use the mind transfer tech to put their memories into new clone bodies of themselves. Problem is, he only has the means to clone three out of four family members. This means he has to erase all memories of his youngest daughter from the others’ brains. Following me so far? Good because it keeps going from there. Actually, that’s just the start of it. It’s a classic case of TMSGO - too much sh*t goin’ on. Even with all that, it STILLL managed to have gaping plot holes. No surprise it came and went as quietly as possible.

4. Hellboy

This one hurt. I wanted to see a superhero horror film badly. The early interviews I read about them wanting to adapt Mike Mignola’s books more closely than the Del Toro films got me excited. I was a little apprehensive when the trailers showed some goofy stuff but I figured these were included to draw people in. I should've listened to that sinking feeling. The actual film is awful, one giant mistake after another. Without a doubt, this featured the year’s worst special effects and even this I could've forgiven but the would-be humorous tone was badly misjudged and the story bloated with way too many elements that might've worked... if we weren't also trying to tell the character's origin at the same time. Hellboy ends with a teaser promising more and there’s no way we would’ve seen a sequel even if this had made money at the box office. Cool demons though, for what it’s worth.

3. Shaft

Looking back, I’m struggling to think of anything worth seeing in Shaft. I hated the film’s approach at comedy, particularly when it reverted Samuel L. Jackson’s John Shaft into the kind of man who proudly doesn’t understand modern sensibilities and spews out one homophobic joke after another. The plot was uninspired and uninteresting - not to mention generic - and none of it felt like it belonged on the big screen. On the upside, it prompted me to view the original trilogy with Richard Roundtree and those were enjoyable.

2. Simmba

Simmba is unlikely to be on the “Worst of 2019” list next January. It probably won’t be at the #2 spot. The film mixes two wildly different tones but not well. It begins as a romantic crime comedy, a dated one, sure. Simmba staging a phoney crime in order for the woman he’s attracted to to call him for help and then use the call as an excuse to stay with her through the night is creepy but I guess it might’ve passed like 20 years ago in North America. What makes this a bad film is the way it then introduces a character’s gang rape and murder as a way to prompt the anti-hero onto a righteous path. From there, it turns into this vigilante revenge film that has disturbing implications. You probably haven’t heard of it before now, much less seen it. I don’t recommend you check it out.

Runner Ups:

Aladdin

A controversial choice, as many casual filmgoers seem to have fallen madly in love with it (similar to the way they ate up 2017’s Beauty and the Beast) but honestly, what does this film do better than 1992’s Aladdin? Add an unmemorable song for Princess Jasmine to sing? Reduce the number of talking animals in order to give us more… nothing? Pile on the CGI to the point you wonder why it was made with live-actors in the first place? Like the innumerable direct-to-video sequels of classic films who've been all but forgotten, I tell you this Arabbian adventure won't endure.

Tolkien

So much potential squandered on a boring story. It didn’t take an astute viewer to recognize the film was crippled by the studio failing to obtain the rights to Tolkien’s actual work. I get the feeling we'll see another shot at a biography of J.R.R. Tolkien in a couple of years and this will be the Christopher Robin to the much superior Goodbye Christopher Robin.

The Hustle

It’s an unfunny comedy, what more is there to say? Rebel Wilson makes yet another bad career choice playing the same character she always plays. I only realized it was a remake of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels while writing my review, which is unfortunate. Hopefully I can expunge this film from my memory soon enough and forget anything it might’ve spoiled about the original Bedtime Story or the 1988 remake.

1. Unplanned

The numerous instances of technical incompetence - mostly coming from the performers who are given lackluster material - would be enough to condemn Unplanned to this list. What made me hate the film is the way it blatantly lies and attempts to manipulate the audience into further entrenching themselves in a certain point of view through cheap, manipulative means. I can respect that genuine passion was poured into the project but the way it goes about it is shameful. Do not go see it, even if you're curious.

Yuck. That last one really left a bad taste in my mouth so I'm going to talk about a movie I did enjoy and am enthusiastic to direct you towards Alita: Battle Angel. Rosa Salazar as the titular Alita impressed me and I really dug the action scenes. I'll also right a wrong from last year by reminding you to find and watch Paddington and Paddington 2, both movies I should've put on my "Best of" lists the years they came out. I don't know what I was thinking but I keep coming back to these in my head. They're excellent for kids and adults.

And with that said, the list is over. Back to our regularly-scheduled film reviews until something big comes up. Thoughts or comments on the list are welcome and I hope you enjoyed reading.

[mycandylavynder]

Episode 10 Thoughts (Spoilers)

So, our wonderful Candy gets embarrassed by being relentlessly praised by her teacher and the director. This...as corny and awkward as it was for her...felt good. Candy works hard and deserves the recognition because our girl is a 🌟. I'm glad that they gave her the opportunity to hit it out the park.

Next up...Yeleen. Oh, Yeleen. She is a frustrating person...but as far as character development, I think she is one of the better written characters in this game. Her reactions are genuine to her conflict with her mom and her ability to introspect after hearing a reasonable argument makes her very likable. Although she is often immature and irritable, it is understandable because her high pressure relationship with her mom. It reminds me a little of the pressure Nathaniel faced in HSL to be the best at everything. I really like seeing vulnerable Yeleen and like the moments when Yeleen and Candy are friendly. I'm glad Yeleen had a bit of a break through moment and realized she needs to live her life for herself. I think she'll be more successful in the end when she is able to relax more and find herself.

Now...Castiel, interrupting our fued with Yeleen. There were definitely some nice flirty opportunities on our part toward Castiel. I thought it was pleasantly bold of her to say she could join him in the shower... especially since he ends up seeing her in a towel. Lol

Now their "date" was very casual, unfortunately. But I guess they wanted to give us a glimpse of what our future will be like with the lead of Crowstorm. But it was nice to have some one-on-one time with him again. I wish we could have watch his new video too. And I wish the fangirls weren't around so we could have gotten to talk about things other than his music. But I still enjoyed it. Especially when he came to the room early and saw Candy in her towel. That was a cute anime moment. And it was nice to have his attention in general. Although I can see why people would feel like things are rushed in his route, I think what happened was ok. Candy and Castiel have a long history (especially if he is your ex) so I think it would be normal to feel more comfortable once you know the person's intentions isn't to hurt you. So I think they are a good place together and feel safe with each other's feelings. I feel happy about that.

Now the kiss in front of the fangirls was wild. Lol it was cool to the story although it wasn't my favorite in comparison to the other LIs because he did it to shoo of the fangirls but it put Candy in a weird position. He definitely should have sent a text to clear that one up the next day...that would have been nice...

And Nath, oh Nath. I really enjoyed his date. although quite frankly, I am over the entire "tell me what shady danger business you are up to" banter but it was nice to talk to him about his scars and to have the self defense date. The kiss was waaaaaay cute. I really loved the scene and it left a very nice feel to their relationship. But of course they had to damper that with the text at the end...but I still think we got a solid glimpse that his feelings for Candy are genuine.

Over all, I liked the dates in general. The LI's taking the first step to date us and invite us out was refreshing. I think this was more realistic to the college experience in that sense as I think it is common for dating to be more relaxed and fun. I know some people might complain that this is too soon, but I feel like most people go on their first date at this point. I think once people know what the want to try out, they try it out. And when I look at my friend's that are dating, I think they date to similar timelines, if not sooner.

Now...Alexy and Rosa....

So...we have a meet up at the snake bar with them at the bar and all is 'well'. Alexy even apologizes for not really being present in his friends lives because of his new found love. Which was cool. I felt Beemov was trying to help redeem these two during that scene and it seemed ok. Plus, it is nice to be supportive to Rosa since she is pregnant. My husband and I had our first child at 20 and I am currently 23 and pregnant with our second and there is definitely a struggle that occurs between you and your unmarried, child free friends because they are in such a different reality to you that it's hard to relate to each other at times. I think they did ok in showing some of this in how Alexy and Candy try to awkwardly offer helpful but supportive advice. I think it was good since it is common for someone in a person's friend group to have kids earlier than the rest and it is good to still try and support them and keep the friendship brewing.

But I think because of this...I feel a little disappointed by their decision to have Rosa miscarry. I have known several people that have, and it is very difficult and sensitive and I don't think they wrote it with justice and integrity at all. It seemed like a very cheap, tacky, and tasteless way to stir up drama for the game when I think they could have stirred up drama and she still continued to have the baby. Not to mention that they absolutely should have offered a trigger warning since miscarriages are extraordinary traumatic and painful experiences.

With that said...I also felt they handled Rosa's pregnancy kind of weirdly anyway. I think them rushing to tell us that Rosa finished the nursery was an attempt to make us feel even more crushed by the miscarriage. (which honestly most women wait till 2nd to 3rd trimester to do that. There is an entire nesting stage that most pregnant ladies go through towards the end of their pregnancy to prepare the house for baby. Not saying that lots of women don't prepare sooner but it is very uncommon in my experience because the likely hood of having a miscarriage is significantly higher in the first few weeks/first trimester than in the other trimesters and doctors normally tell you that up front so you don't set your self up for a crushing disappointment if you lose the baby early on.) But yes, the whole baby prep stuff was so rushed in my opinion. I just kind of feel put off by how they wrote it because of the vague timeline presented in the game. I just wish they didn't choose the miscarriage route since they aren't great at sensitive topics.

But they did...and now we have that horrific crap fest that happened at the hospital where we see the absolute worst in Alexy and Rosa (which is understandable because she just lost a baby.) They tried to play up on her hormones causing her emotions to be all over the place prior to the hospital scene, which honestly is no joke...prenatal depression and mood swings are a very difficult ocean to navigate during and after pregnancy. I think it just brought to light some of the more uglier aspects to Rosa's personality that were clearly there before she was pregnant. Although I know she is grieving, she could have pushed her friends away before insinuating that if they adopted a child it would be loved less. Which might even be true for her, but that was certainly a comment that would have been better said in confidence to Leigh since he too understands how she is feeling and they fortunately have each other to grieve with.

And Alexy, clearly hurt by this, shouldn't have pushed this topic further. He should have just left to take a break from the situation because honestly, him and Candy aren't equipped to deal with this loss so freshly. Maybe Rosa and Leigh should have kept it to themselves and maybe their family for a few days and then lean on their friends. But to expect Alexy and Candy to have eloquent comforting skills through this seems unfair too. Alexy definitely should have left it alone, gotten some air, and reflected on the fact that she is deeply hurt that she lost a baby. And although well wished, the advice of "you can try again or just adopt" probably feels belittling to Rosa's feelings for the baby and overwhelming to think about since she doesn't know if she has a condition that may keep her from carrying to full term.

Alexy and Rosa are so far from the level-headed insightful people they used to be in highschool. They both are self-centered and seem like they lack the ability to empathize on a deeper level. The whole "leave the group chat" was childish. Alexy, although he has every right to be upset about the comment, should also try to keep it in context.

But whatever to that hot mess... Chani was awesome as always. And over all, I liked the episode. Just, not happy with them using the miscarriage as way to create drama.

[doeeyeddarlingxo]

Myriad Misadventures - Chapter 46

The Myriad Misadventures of a Midgardian Queen-In-Training - Chapter 46

AO3 | Previous | Next

Word Count: 1767

Pairing: Loki/Reader

Rating: T

Myriad Misadventures - Chapter 46

You’re so tired of balls.

When you were sixteen and sick to your stomach at the prospect of palace living, they were the part you feared most. No, really. Meeting and dating (or avoiding) Mr. Psycho-Alien-King was a daunting prospect, sure, but nothing struck fear into your heart quite so much as the prospect of organized social humiliation. 

After the masquerade ball, you got a bit more into the spirit of it—nothing wrong with some dressing up and dancing. But the social aspects have since faded from terrifying to tedious. Just because you’ve managed to memorize all of Lady Amara’s endless rules doesn’t mean you enjoy putting them into practice, especially with a group of people whose idea of a banger is Vivaldi’s “The Four Seasons.” So you’re really, really not looking forward to having to do that in your hometown.

But when you enter this ballroom, almost immediately everything is different. You reach out and grab Irina’s arm, Rosa letting out a poorly-stifled snort as all four of you stop in your tracks. 

Prom? 

Is this what a prom is like? You have no way of knowing first-hand, but based on the various movies and television shows you’d caught over the first sixteen years of your life, this is pretty close to what you would have imagined. Recently released (and therefore unfamiliar to you) pop music, flashing lights of different colors, throngs of people in tuxes and short, tulle-heavy dresses...

You feel a tug at your arm, and let Irina tug you back out the doors into the lobby.

You all burst into fits of hysterical laughter.

“We have to change,” Irina insists, tears in her eyes.

You stop giggling just long enough to choke out, “Into what?

While the four of you huddle by the elevators, Rosa’s eyes light up. “Wait here.” She runs to the front desk.

A few seconds later, there’s a loud ping, and the bronze doors slide open. “Perez!” Irina calls. “Hurry up.”

“Hold on!”

She makes it back just in time, collecting her skirts with one hand to squeeze into the elevator. When one of you asks, “What was that about?” she just shakes her head and smiles mysteriously. It isn’t until all four of you are back in the room, with the door closed behind you, that she reveals what she had hidden in her other hand. “Ta-da!”

When you all only stare at her blankly, she rolls her eyes and demonstrates her purpose, using the object—a pair of scissors—to hack away at some of the tulle layered in the skirt of her gown.

“Are you crazy? Rhea blurts out. You and Irina turn to look at her, surprised; it’s probably the most impassioned thing you’ve ever heard her say. “It’s...it’s just…”

“The People’s Princess over there,” Rosa says, jerking her head in your direction, “had a point before. Getting on a level with the public. Especially since we were one of them not so long ago.” When Rhea still seems reluctant to agree, Rosa rolls her eyes again and huffs. “Fine. You keep the ball gown, then. But I want a party dress, so who’s going to help me?”

******************************************

It takes no small amount of snipping and tearing—there are truly a ridiculous number of layers to each of your skirts. But by the end of it, you, Irina, and Rosa have all reworked your gowns into some approximation of a knee-length homecoming dress. You even manage to coax Rhea into raising the hem of hers to her mid-calf. Rosa dips into the bathroom to readjust the bodice of her dress, and you find yourself digging through your suitcase to find your lipstick while the other two head down on their own.

“Irina, could you…” Rosa stops in the doorway, one arm crossing her chest to hold the dress in place. “Is she gone?”

“She just headed out.”

“Rhea, then? I need someone to do up the back of my dress.” You shake your head, semi-apologetically. She sighs. “Fine. I guess you’ll have to do. ”

You roll your eyes. “What an honor.” But you rise all the same. She turns around, her free hand reaching back to twist her long blonde curls up and out of the way. 

You make quick work of the laces, tying them and arranging the laces so that it hangs just so in a fashionable, yet functional, bow. You pat her back to indicate she’s done, but just as she’s about to turn, you notice something else. You touch her shoulder to stop her.

“Your necklace is tangled, hang on—“

Her reaction is sudden and panicked. “No!” She spins away, her hand jerking up to touch the back of her neck. 

“Rosa?”

“Keep your hands off my property, got it?” Even as she snarls the words, her anger reads as empty. You could swear you see tears beginning to pool in her blue-green eyes. You reach out tentatively.

“I won’t—“ She makes another quick move away from you, and you freeze. “Hey, I won’t touch it. I promise. I just—are you okay?”

Her lower lip has joined her eyes now, trembling in spite of her best efforts to the contrary. “I’m just being stupid. It’s nothing, really.”

“Okay.” You want to push the issue, but what can you do? You and Rosa don’t exactly have the best track record; it’s no surprise she wouldn’t leap at the opportunity to open up to you. “Okay, then. I’ll...I’ll head down now, then. Leave you to get ready.”

And you do. As you leave, you make a mental note to mention the incident to Rhea. She might have a better shot at helping Rosa in some way—in spite of all the animosity between you and Rosa throughout the years, you can’t help but feel a touch of concern for whatever’s going on.

******************************************

When you at last re-enter the ballroom, you blend in much better than before.

But not quite.

“Lady (Y/N)?”

“Lady (Y/N)!”

“Is that really her?”

“She looks so much younger in person.”

“She looks so much older in person.”

Nothing but whispers, it seems. Some people you roughly recognize from high school; others, not at all. But everywhere you walk, you are followed by a cacophony of mutters, people speculating about what you’ve been doing, how you used to look when you were sixteen, how—

“(Y/N)?”

At least your parents aren’t here to gawk at you. “Mom! Dad!” You hug them, suddenly relieved you invited your family, after all. Then you realize: “where’s Erik? And Carlie?”

A moment passes in uncomfortable silence. “At home. Together,” Dad finally says.

Mom jumps in to clarify, “She has a big game tomorrow, and we didn’t want her up too late—”

“Or home alone—”

Or here, you silently realize. They don’t want Carlie here; most likely because, in spite of your earlier assurances, they (like you) have a sneaking suspicion that TK may turn up at the party, after all. 

Instead of giving voice to all of that, you smile at them. “Well, I’m glad you two were still able to come.” They look a bit uncomfortable; you realize that, in your own discomfort, you’ve inadvertently reverted back to your Lady-Amara-approved diplomat voice, the one your parents and Erik found creepy when you’d first arrived home. You take a deep breath, making a conscious effort to drop back into your teenage register. “C’mon, let’s go d—”

“(Y/N)!” 

You’d recognize that voice anywhere. “Steven!” 

You whirl around to greet him. He holds you at arms length and gives you a once-over and an approving nod. “I see you finally lost the ball gown.”

“Shut up.” You snort, whacking his shoulder playfully. “You don’t clean up so bad, yourself. Where’s your date? “Oh, Annabelle? She’s—”

“Right here.”

And there she is, sidling up next to Steven in all her long-legged, bouncy-haired glory. Some ancient, freshman-year instinct takes over, tensing your muscles in preparation for some snarky comment or backhanded compliment.

To your surprise, though, she just smiles at you. Even more confusingly, her expression seems entirely genuine. “Hi, (Y/N).”

You nod, not relaxing entirely quite yet. “Annabelle. Pleasure to see you..”

“You look great,” she offers. Compliment asides, there’s something so...calm about her demeanor. Rhea-like. Completely the opposite of the Regina-George-energy you’d been expecting.

Well, well, well. I guess Steven was right, after all.

Everything really has changed.

******************************************

You’re sitting on the ground.

Not quite the ground, perhaps, but almost. Technically, you’re sitting on a stoop a few inches up off the ground, after excusing yourself from the party and asking a nearby waiter for directions to the nearest back door. It’s not exactly glamorous—your current perch is closer to the hotel dumpster than to the nearby woods—but it’s quiet. No music, no chatter, no sounds at all besides the rustling of wind through the trees, and the cars rushing down the highway on the other side of the building.

You’re being ridiculous. At least, that’s what you keep telling yourself. So what if your best friend is dating your former bully? So what if said bully is not only hot as ever, but has grown up to be successful (a pre-law student at a Big Name college, apparently) and kind to boot? So what if your parents didn’t trust your word enough to bring Carlie here with them?

And so what if tonight marks the end of your brief stint as normal-girl-(Y/N), before you have to return to life as “Lady (Y/N)?”

Thinking it all over, you’re filled not with sadness so much as the urge to punch a wall (you resist, if only because the nearest wall is concrete, and you doubt it would improve your evening much to give yourself a broken hand.) This rage is pointed, too. Not at your parents, or Steven, or even Annabelle Wilkes, but at Loki.

After all, he’s the one that took you from your former life at sixteen. He’s the reason you’re out of touch with your best friend, at odds with your family, at war with yourself—

And yet, somehow, he’s also the reason you can’t seem to bring yourself to stay.

Your fury settles a bit, even as you rake your fingers back through your hair. If he were here, he would comfort you, you know. Lowering your head to rest on your knees, you can imagine his glittering smile, his hand warm on yours, his voice...

“(Y/N)?”

Impossible.

But when you lift your head, blinking the blurry tears from your eyes, you see him. There. 

Here.

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Review: The First Adventure! or Baby Donald Says Eat the Rich

Welcome back. I’d been looking forward to this one for some time in the hopes of getting one thing i’ve been waiting for.. sadly that thing didn’t come, we’ll get to that, but this was still a fun episode so let’s hop right in. Spoilers in a second but my tag is spoiler tagged soooo.  ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We open in the 1960′s. Austin Powers just went into Cryo Freeze to prepare for Dr. Evil’s eventual return, The Marvel Universe was in full swing, a teenager in baltimore was battling racisim via a dance show, and Black Heron had just been caught by Agent 22, aka Beakly when she was young and just as gorgeous then as she is now. Heron once again engaged in her usual cartoonish supervillian, and now SHUSH has her.  Meanwhile in a nearbye room a young accountant by the name of Bradford Buzzard is outlining his plan for Director Von Drake: The way he sees it every time a villian costs chaos Shush “Wastes” billions causing MORE chaos to stop it without controlling things. He proposes taking over the world, weeding out the chaos and ruling from the shadows. Naturally, Ludvig isn’t on board with any of this and points out they aren’t super villains. It’s here this episode fully defines something about Bradford’s character. Back in “Let’s Get Dangerous!” when Huey called him a villain, he said he’s not one... at least from his point of view. It’s here, in his youth we get a clear understanding why he dosen’t think so: So far most people we’ve seen in the world of Ducktales take the chaos and insanity of the world in stride: Either just numb to it like most of the citizens, Rolling with it like Daisy and Violet, or diving straight into it like.. pretty much the majority of the cast, either for the love of adventure and treasure like the McDuck/Duck family, or for their own ludcrious ends like Glomgold, Mark Beaks or Magica. To them the world’s fine the way it is and there’s to explore, take or whatever.  To Bradford.. this is madness... he feels all these people are just a bunch of overgrown children, and in some cases actual children, are just making the world worse and worse until one day their going to break it. One day skill, intuition, wit, and knowledge just wont’ be enough. Someday Scrooge, SHUSH or whoever’s standing in the way of evil will fail and the world will fall. This simply can’t go on, and SOMEONE has to control this, someone has to take this world, shake the chaos out of it and MAKE it sane. Make it work the way it’s SUPPOSED to. And to Bradford that’s him. Someone has to, no one else will, so he will. To him SHUSH doing this is just the logical thing: They want peace right? Their fighting for good right? Then what’s better than making the world a utopia? Ending these conflicts and remaking it.  The thing is.. that’s not what Heroes do. As we’ve seen in various stories where the superheroes, the Good Guys take over they do improve things.. but at the cost of free will. At the cost of free thought. At the cost of their morals. They become what they were fighting all those years and have to bloody their hands and keep them bloody just to make THEIR world right. And that’s not Utopia, that’s a dictatorship. The example I always come to, even though there were ones before and after this including Marvel’s incredible Squadron Supreme maxi-series, is Justice League the animated series’ two parter, like most of their episodes really but that’s not the point, a Better World, about an alternate reality where Superman kills Lex Luthor after Luthor kills the flash and hte League take over the world. The thing is.. the world isn’t BETTER. It’s just crime free. You can sweep the chaos and the crime under the rug.. but your not making a better world, your just making YOUR version of it. No one person is a god even if they have a power of one and no one person can or SHOULD be able to decide what’s best for everyone. It’s up to each of us to MAKE the world better, to fight for a better world. That’s what Ludvig knows full well and what Bradford just can’t see. You can’t control the world, you just have to accept the things you can’t change like it being chaotic and change the things you can like injustice. 

Bradford however, who was hired as a favor to his grandmother, can’t though Von Drake lets him off with a warning.. and a laugh about an accountant being able to be a super villian. Bradford however realizes ther’es some truth to that.. he needs someone to teach him out to operate outside the law, and if SHUSH won’t take the world and remake it.. maybe it’s time someone else did.  So in the prison cells of SHUSH, which are conveniently empty outsdide of Heron, Bradford outlines his plan to her. To create a massive orgnization to steal the world and give it the order it needs. To combine their skills: Heron’s for grandeur and crime, and Bradfords for strategy and focus, to take the world. The Orginzation for World Larceny, or OWL, fitting bradford’s hatred for theatrics. Heron objects, adding an F for fiendish, and Bradford relucntantly agrees to get her on board, lets her loose and fakes like he just saw her escape. FOWL is born. And the world would never be the same. Cue credits and cue the rest of the review under the cut. 

After the opening we cut to 1994-5.. sometime around then as it’s hard to get an exact year, and that’s how the crew likes it. Point is it’s the 90′s, and Scrooge is.. busy running his company. We’ll get into the weeds of that in a bit, but this is a different Scrooge, one who while no less capable, has no thirst for adventure or drive. He’s not nearly as miserable as the Scrooge we saw back in Woo-Ooo but he’s still a much less complete man. Anyways alongside him for his planning is Duckworth, whose very much alive at this time, and who tells his boss his sister Hortense left something in his office for him.  To no one suprise, that thing is the twins, at the tender age of i’m guessing 10. Since your probably curious, Della is still voiced by Paget Brewster, just using a slightly different voice like the Triplets and Webby’s voice actors do. It’s just a bit more jarring here since unlike those characters, we’ve seen adult della and thus are used to this voice coming out of a grown woman. It’s not bad and I got used to it eventually but it was jarring at first especially since once again Donald has a completely diffrent voice ACTRESS doing his voice.  This time around it’s cristina valenzuela, of Miraculous Ladybug fame, who I know more for her song work and twitter than her actual work ,but am delighted to see her here and she does a terrific job. I genuneily did not realize it was her, and while not exactly like the late great russi taylor, it is just similar enough to work. 

So we get to see what the Twins were like when they were the Triplets age: Della is about the same, but with more of Dewey’s impulsiveness, and Donald, much like he’d be a few years and some dead parents later, is a bitter, grungey musician whose constantly on his guitar and railing against the man.. which is Scrooge in this case which is fair. Hortense left a note.. which bothered me as I genuinely expected her to show up and was majorly disappointed she did not. We are in year 4 of this series, season 3 and STILL no appearance of Hortense or mention how she died, as she and Quackmore are still alive by the end of this. Given she’s easily my faviorite part of Life and Times, this bothered me, and the only reason i’m not more upset.. is the clever way they wrote around actually using her. The letter she leaves for Scrooge explaining things is the same one Della herself used in the comic strip, and using a bit of the postcard she left in the cartoons, when leaving Huey, Dewey and Louie with Donald, down to the Twins having left a firecracker in their fathers seat, thus leaving him in the hosptial. As disappointed as I am my favorite Ginger is completely absent once again, this is a brilliant reference, and I have to give them credit for it, so it’s a fair enough trade off.  As for his “Angel Nephew and Niece”, Della wants to dive into adventure while Donald struggles to write a song, singing throughout the episode. It varies in tolerablity, though mostly due to the writing, Cristina is doing fine. Della however is disappointed to find her legendary uncle views his past exploits as merley a means to an end to get his fortune and now he has it he can just focus on building it in the boardroom. This is an intresting take.. and one I could easily have seen happening to the Don Rosa version seen in Life and Times. The Scrooge there himself saw building his wealth as the most important thing until his encounter with Teddy Rosevelt, who taught him experince was what mattered and the having isn’t as fun as the getting. It works for me: This is a scrooge who never got that lesson so once he got to be richest duck in the world, having achieved his life’s goal nothing was left. He’s not miserable like the Scrooge we saw at the start of the series, having lost his love for adventure after loosing his niece/daughter, and having lost his fight. This one has retired.. but because he likely just sees no point in going on. He’s the richest duck in the world, has a vast empire.. no amount of treasure is really going to add to that like it used to, and as he points out in a second Shush has tons of agents at this point to clean up what’s left of FOWL. He’s the man who has everything, so why keep going. It’s weird to see a scrooge without the hunger to keep going, but it makes sense when his belly is full. Without someone to get him to see there’s always another rainbow, he just stopped chasing them. Also a fun nod to the comics I almost forgot to mention is when hearing about the “Gift”, i.e. the twins, Scrooge dreads it’s another surprise party, a nod to life and times where Hortense threw Scrooge one that went.. badly and lead to their entire relationship collapsing. Though Donald did get back at Scrooge for screaming at his parents and Auntie Matilda

However his busy day is disrupted with a call from Beakly. They’ve found the last known cordinates of Captain Yellowbeak, but FOWL is on them and Scrooge is the only one Beakly trusts for this since they have a leak. Beakly is also director of SHUSH at this point, with Von Drake having retired or died or both at this point. Scrooge reluctantly accepts, while Della is excited at the prospect of a real adventure and Donald ends up sharing her enthusasim as it’d make a good song. Scrooge, naturally, has no intention of bringing them with him to their disapointment and leads Donald to sing another “Suck it the man song” which totally isn’t about Scrooge.... spoilers: It entirely is, he’s just a little dumbass grunge baby and I love him.  We then get a cute sequence of Della popping up in Scrooge’s Luggage and Trunk to try and convince him to let them tag along, before we cut to the Limo, driven by Duckworth at this point, which solves that mystery. Scrooge is firm in having his butler take them back and have them work with him and Duckworth’s fine with that.. but wants overtime, which is fair. Scrooge, being Scrooge, grumbles about not being made of money, proven wrong by gold spilling out of him. Though I do like the update of Scrooge’s classic cheapness when it comes to pay: INstead of barely paying his employees like a monster, he’s simply reluctant to pay extra if he dosen’t have to, and would rather drag two 10 year olds with him on a dangerous adventure than pay overtime, which tracks. It’s also clear if he had to he WOULD actually pay it, either due to legal reasons or his moral standards, he just isn’t happy about it. So he agrees, though he wants Donald to leave the guitar behind which.. given the most Donald’s been able to come up with is “Suck it THE MAN” and “This guy’s a greedy asshole”.. he’s extremely correct and when Donald tries to pull a “YOU CAN’T CENSOR ME MANNNN”, Scrooge just chucks it out of the car.  At the airfield while Della is excited like an rabid chipmunk, and genuinely thinks she can fly a plane because she’s played Outrunner 2.. which I have only vaguely heard of before now. And is apparently just a pc game where you run a lot so I genuinely do not get where Della gets piloting from that.. but she IS Dewey’s mother. So with that in mind the family take off and Scrooge explains what their after: The Papyrus of Binding. It’s a dangerously powerful magical artifact from Ancient Egypt that will make whatever’s written on it happen. The dangerous part is that it’s incredibly literal: As Bradford puts later in the episode, ask for unlimited power, it might zap you dead with a million volts, ask for infinite wealth, prepare to be crushed underneath it. It’s a nice twist on a Monkey’s Paw or Jackass Genie situation. Instead of either the source of the wish granting magic just being inherently evil, or some dickhead screwing with the hero.. it’s just an object that has no ability to interpret nuance, just like your phone with the goddamn autocorrect. It can’t judge intent or tone or meaning, it just gives exactly what it’s asked. It’s a thoroughly interesting concept. 

Something I really like about this episode is the fact it answers some little questions. While none were Hortense related, and I am still grumpy about that even with this coming out a good 17 hours after I watched it due to getting caught up with other stuff, it does have little touches that explain small parts of the lore: Who drove Scrooge? As just mentioned, Duckworth. Who flew scrooge? Paid pilots. Did he have a plane before the sunchaser? Yup. It fills in some small gaps in the world. Stuff we weren’t dying to know but’s stil lintresting. Said pilots in this case however are Heron and Bradford. This episode also fills in Heron’s character, as while we’ve already seen bits and pieces this season she LOVES being a classic, take over the world james bond type villian, like she stepped out of a duck version of kim possible.. and i’m just now realizing there probably IS a duck kim possible somewhere in this world as while far after disney afternoon, it fits too neatly to not be wedged in there with your tailspins and goof troops. I wouldn’t be suprised if there were brid versions of every human based disney afternoon and one saturday morning show. My.. my head’s swimming from this. I could be, and probably am wrong but the sheer idea of this... it’s amazing.  Back to Heron, she just LOVES being evil and destructive, letting the world know she exists and operating on a grand scale. Now we’ve seen more of her while she’s Beakly’s nemisis.. she’s really an evil scrooge.. yes another one. Like Scrooge, at least how he normally is,  she simply gets how the world of Ducktales operates and can take advantage of that to the best of her ablility. Just like adventuering, cartoonish supervilliany is about risk and reward.. sometimes you faceplamnt hard, that’s the risk, but the rewards and rush is worth it. She’s as addicted to grandoise villiany as Scrooge is to adventure by this point. And like Scrooge, and unlike her partner Bradford, she sees the world as it is: Chaotic and one big sandbox to play in. She contrasts Scrooge by the fact that while Scrooge is willing to bust down doors, he still has morals, as well as the wisdom to not go overboard Heron often lacks. It also makes her a good contrast ot the equally skilled Beakly: While Beakly is taciturn, controlled in all things especially her emotions, Heron is bombastic, gloating and borderline insane, and while deadly in a fight, dosen’t exercise any control in her plans, preferring it big and loud despite her partner usually being right about reiging it in.  So Heron evacuates dramatically, taking a grumpy Bradford with them, and sending the plane into a tailspin. 

I can’t wait for Next Year’s Tailspin episode. I swear to god. I’m hoping for Shere Kahn but this episode has taught me to be okay with disapointment, if a grumpus. Della however shows her natural talent and despite having no real experince with planes, lands it gracefully. While that’s going on, Bradford berates Heron for her plan, pointing out that they COULD have simply landed the plane, then captured the McDuck family and executed them quitely, versus leaving a chance they’ll survive which they do. They AREN’T supervillains.. or at least he thinks he isn’t. Heron does show off her competence though, pointing out that this way they can simply stay low, and FOLLOW the Ducks to the treasure. Bradford is impressed for a second.. till Heron’s evil shows as she plans to use the Papyrus. Bradford loudly objects to this, listing the possible risks shown before. If not used CAREFULLY, it could kill them, and she balks and wants him to just embrace being the Villian already. It’s what I love about their dynamic set up here: While they are equals, Bradford is a better strategist, able to think and plan way in advance, and prefers subterfuge, and if present day is any indicatoin probably used Heron’s flash to distract from the real mission or goal often or to do something on the down low while she kept SHUSH busy. His last two plans, while again requiring some pizzaz, relied on misdrection: having the ducks take care of an immidate threat like their used to.. while he gets exactly what he wants while their busy and whatever they get out of it is either nothing (Impossibin) or something he couldn’t use just yet and thus if he didn’t get it, no loss, but if he did it just moves up the timetable. Not only that but he’s outlasted all three other big bads, lying in the shadows till it was too risky to leave scrooge and play and even THEN, only coming out into the open when forced out. IT’s why he’s Scrooge’s most dangerous opponent: He knows how Scrooge’s other enmities operates as well as Scrooge himself. And since he knows everything he can maneuver Scrooge exactly where he needs him to do exactly what he wants. It’s unknown how the family will beat him, but he’s easily the biggest challenge they’ve had. 

But back to the show and the past, Scrooge bonds with his niece and nephew, retelling stories of his past as they get closer, with Donald ending up high at one point and thus seeing the ship stranded on a mountain. As he recounts a fight with El Capitan, the villian from the ducktales 87 pilot, he counts the story as as a loss: He didn’t get anything from it, no treasure no new contracts. But Della shows him the point he’s been missing; He got a story. Sure he lost.. but he got experince, a tale to tell and a legend grown.Just because you don’t get everything dosen’t mean it wasn’t worth the experince and you can’t hold it in your heart. And this episode shows why this scrooge needed his family: Without Teddy to mentor him, he simply never got that adventure wasn’t about gains or what you get.. it’s about the thrill of it, the enjoyment of discovery and the memories you make.. it’s about the Journey not the destination. 

As Scrooge starts to warm up to that, he finds a gap, with Della volunteering Donald to jump but Scrooge just having the kids hop on his back and pogo caneing across. The family find the Papyrus, and find out why the ship is all the way up here: Captain Yellowbeak, who’s a character from one of barks stories and the one who had the scroll last, wished to escape.. but that just stranded them. He asked for water.. and it drowned his crew.. and finally with the document hteir reading he asked for release... and thus is now a skelington. The kid are happy to have reached the goal.. while Scrooge is back on his Zack Morris phone trying to reschedule things and schedule a SHUSH evac, to the kids annoyance. However Scrooge raining on their parade gets interupted by Heron and Bradford, as Heron can’t resist popping out dramatically and Bradford is UTTERLY furious since she blew his cover, and Scrooge recognizes him from his christmas party, a nice callback. Scroog being scrooge figures out he’s the mole and Bradford runs , furious at Heron. Their conflict is an intresting one: Both have a point but both will not back down. Bradford is right this showboating nonsense has only hindered Heron’s plans.. and Heron is right that Bradford needs to accept he’s the bad guy. Even if he has well meaning motives, he’s the villian, he works with them, he leads them.. he is one.  He just can’t accept he’s wrong or dosen’t have the answers... huh.. I wonder who that reminds you of. And that’s 100% intentional as Frank has outright compared Huey and Bradford and like last season it’s neat to have the main vilian contrast our chosen Duck for the season. 

Heron outfoxes the kids and gets the papyrus and being just an enitrely black hearted bitch, plans to kill them just to spite scrooge.. writing that “his sidekicks will perish on this mission.”.... but Scrooge’s character development, and her choice of words, means nothing happens. As Scrooge outlines, “Their not my sidekicks their my FAMILY, and this isn’t a mission, it’s an ADVENTURE”. Scrooge has finally accepted his life for what it really is.. and the thrill of the chase over what lies at the end. There’s always anothe rainbow.. and he’s finally become the man who will chase every last one. 

OF course this is interupted, and Heron escapes with the papyrus, when a skeletal pirate attacks.. why is Yellow Beak alive, why’d the scroll do this?

But we get a neat fight as Scrooge fights the skeleton while he sends the kids after Heron. Scrooge gets a cool looking swordfight, while Bradford gets the papyrus, and Yellowbeak even terrifies me what with his bestial roll and fucking centepede crawling out of him.. jesus those things freak me out.  Meanwhile the kids battle Heron, who throws della overboard... and thus for the first time, Donald taps into his beserker rage, snikty snoink, and easily incapaciates the more experinced and fully grown adul, though Della since we’eve been following her kids for the past three seasons, is fine, if suprised by her brother being the goddamn wolverine. 

While heron is out for a second, Scrooge heads after Bradford, and vows to tell Beakly and chase him all across the world. However Bradford gets an utterly awesome moment.. he admits scrooge may be right and probably would.. but since he has the papayrus and is careful in everything he writes his request carefully and perfectly “As far as the ducks are concerned, I was never here.” Grante dit COULD have left scrooge out.. but since he didn’t sday duck family or specificy, and likely knew it’d do that, it instead just means the three bilogical ducks. Bradford dissappears, turning invisble and leaving the papyrus for scrooge, who foils heron by simply writing that this scroll will be lost until one day found by his heirs.

So Heron takes a fall and looses an arm, again.. or for the first time.. the family is triumphant and despite loosing his goal, Scrooge is convinced he and the kids will find it again. See above. Scrooge then pulls out his phone and tells Duckworth to rework his schedule.. but it’s so he can find someone to run his comapny so he can spend more time with the kids. As for why Hortense would allow this before her still mysterious passing.. i’m guessing A) she notices her brother is happier and more alive than he’s been for a while and B) they just blew up their dad’s ass with a firecracker, and she won’t be able to use it for a while, so she’s double mad, so if it means she gets a moment’s peace and is with someone she trusts.. why not?

So we end on Scrooge packing up, preparing for further adventures.. i’d love a spinoff of this one day. I mean Disney plus needs it, and since Frank is probably going over to Darkwing.. maybe matt could take a crack at this. Just saying. You have the cast ready, a giant world to explore, and 15 years worth adventures. Run that baby damn you! But yeah the inevitble happens and Bradford further proves his magificent bastardry.. by appling for the position of running the company as head of Scrooge’s board, and setting up said board. So now FOWL has unlimited resources, he has a direct eye on what he now realizes is his greatest threat, and the complete trust and faith of both Scrooge and Beakly. It also puts Beakly’s breakdown in context: We now see WHY she went as far as she did: While the revelation was bad for Scrooge, finding out one of his most trusted allies was a traitor the whole time and knew everything about him, for Beakly.. it had to be worse. Finding out one of your best employees, one of the FEW people you ever trusted, and someone you DIRECTLY RECOMMENDED TO SCROOGE, was not only the man who set up your greatest enemies, but had compromised your organization for most of your career. IT’s no wonder she broke down so hard.. while I already gave several reason adding “This level of betrayal and self doubt to the list” only makes it that much harder on her. But for now a partnership is started.. one that very well may end scrooge. 

Final Thoughts: A pretty good episode overall. It’s well paced, to the point I probably forgot a LOT, has some good jokes, and fills in a lot of the gaps in the lore, while giving us a nice insight into bradford and heron. Even without hortense this was a pretty good episode. 

Upcoming Reviews: LIfe and Times; Master of the Mississippi Ride of the Three Cabbleros: The Three Cablleros (House of Mouse) Tomtrospective: Lava Lake Beach

[upslapmeal]

Arachnids in the UK

I really should stop leaving these reviews so late that I forget what my notes I made while I was watching were talking about huh

I can’t believe next ep we’ll be halfway through? only having 10 eps does definitely mean we lose something

I know RTD’s stuff only had 9/10 stories per series but having more eps just gave some of them more room 

and gave us more time with the characters 

which we definitely need since there are so many of them this time

I don’t think having three companions is necessarily the best in terms of room for development but I do love their dynamic and it does allow for more splitting up and everyone doing their own thing (Rosa did that best)

ok I’ve seen lots of responses to this ep ranging from terrible to too political (but like. badly unlike Rosa) to educational (about spiders?? I guess?) to scary

def sth to be said for all the points but idk I just.....I just thought it was fun

it wasn’t an ep that wanted you to have to think which was perfect to follow Rosa with

I know lots didn’t make sense but it’s the kind of not making sense that is fine you just ignore it and have a good time 

(except one thing but I’ll get to that later)

I know I saw someone (? several people maybe?) say it was series 11′s Victory of the Daleks but for me it was more.......its Robot of Sherwood

like I just found a lot of it funny 

after The Ghost Monument I said I was still waiting for eps that either dealt with difficult stuff or that just had good fun with the kind of ridiculousness this show allows for

and honestly Rosa and Arachnids gave me both of these

ok right

the episode

the time vortex!! it looked so cool

like somewhere you could genuinely get lost

it’s fun getting to see scenes I recognise from from dwsr especially bc there was so little dwsr this year

BUMBAG

(also do all the the people calling it a fanny pack....do they Know?)

tea at Yaz’s

I love the ~getting to know the family~ vibe

plus it’s good having Yaz be more central again

‘I don't think so’ felt as though Thirteen was like ‘I can see you but I feel like that wasn't what she meant’

she wants a SOFA

(genuinely though her tardis needs somewhere to sit)

v relatable failure with small talk

Graham going back to the house :(((

you just want to give him a massive hug

Grace :((((((

Chibbs is really good at emotional character stuff I know I’ve said it before but it’s def better than his Actual Scifi Writing

RYAN’S SHADOW PUPPETS

‘hey 👍🏻 you're that bloke’

I get that people complained about Trump-lite being a caricature but it wasn’t the ep for subtle and nuanced side characters

it was the ep for Businessmen That Don’t Care Bad

surprised they actually mentioned Trump though

ED SHEERAN

Thirteen was v unimpressed

that bit where you can see a spider scuttling down the corridor and hear Graham say ‘I don't like this'? yeah for a moment I thought it was like....a voiceover with the spider’s thoughts

Twelve approves of Thirteen calling people dude

THE MUSIC

RYAN’S EXCITED FACE

‘you’re so uncool right now’

‘I can't believe they're actually moving towards that music’ lmao I feel ya Graham grime is not my thing

ok here’s the thing though

all those massive spiders trapped in a fairly small room seems like a pretty horrific fate

especially since they’ll just keep on growing

are they just going to be left there?? 

even if they were taken to another planet or sth they’d just keep growing until they couldn’t breathe like the ballroom spider

I hate to side with Trump-lite (and I know this wasn’t his reasoning) but a quick and painless death is much better than suffocation

never expected to feel sad about a massive spider so that’s something

whatshisname shooting the spider kinda gave me Christmas Invasion Harriet Jones vibes

I loved that they all came together to decide they wanted to carry on travelling

Graham wanting to be a different person when he comes back :(

hate to single out the white guy from that cast but Bradley’s really good

now that we’ve had the ‘it will be dangerous’ talk hopefully we can get Dangerous Situations with Genuinely High Stakes

Thirteen: I can’t guarantee you’ll be safe description for the next episode: ‘injured and stranded.....’