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1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt · 1 year

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Sexism in TOS: Worst Offender, or Progressive in Retrospect in Comparison?

I see a lot of folks claim that TOS was the most sexist of the Star Trek shows by a landslide -- and while I agree that it definitely suffered from the sexism of the times, I also have other perspectives to share to give some food for thought.

I am of course not insinuating that TOS isn't sexist -- it is, but I have to ask folks to consider the breadth and depth of Berman's sexism in his run and ask yourself: Was Gene Roddenberry genuinely more sexist in his storytelling and delivery than Rick Berman?

I'm not telling you to feel one way or the other, but all I ask is that you hear me out and consider some perspectives and make your own balanced assessments. Nobody is obligated to share my opinion, but it means a lot just to have folks hear it and see their thoughts on the subject. So here is what I was originally responding to:

Someone's response to this photo:

"Devil's advocate. This was a part of the popular form of cardio during the production time of TNG. Yes, it was heavily sexualised by men, but so is literally every other way women work out. Men have been caught taking pictures of women while trying to do dead lifts, running on tracks and working on sled machines. They post them online to share too. The fact is, there is no way a woman can be shown working out without it going there. And yeah,t hat includes the combat forms of workout they do in Star Trek. Just look at how Dax dresses when she spars with Worf. Yes, they're dating, but still, same goes when 7 does and any other female.

Aerobics routines like this were made dirty and cringy. This was what women wore then by and large. This is how the workout was done. We make it cringy."

My response to them:

"I respect your take, but I disagree on a few fronts.

The miniskirt was chosen by the TOS female cast, not the male cast, specifically requested by Grace LW and affirmed by Nichelle and Majel who would go on to vehemently defend the miniskirt over the years as comfortable and embraced by them.

Grace said it was comfortable and seen as a symbol of female sexual empowerment during the 60s and thought it would be a progressive garment (and turns out that it was, as it was later adapted and worn by male crew as a skant on TNG) -- FYI those were designed by a gay man and Gene approved them.

This was also supposed to be Spock's TMP outfit:

Literally lingerie.

We saw both Uhura (who saves Kirk in from Marlena Mirror Mirror) and Yeoman Landon (the first to initiate combat with a classic Kirk-esque kick to help the Captain being attacked in The Apple) carry out their combat training in their Starfleet uniforms without ever being made to change into any ridiculous workout gear.

In fact, I'd argue Jim Kirk was sexualized even more than the ladies of the week on the show and I saw his naked body more than anyone else's on a fairly regular basis. He wore red yoga tights while topless in Charlie X while the women wore full length gymnastic suits that covered their entire body. If anything, it went out of its way to avoid sexualizing women practicing fitness in those scenes and instead focused on Kirk.

Gene confessed that he asked to have Shatner filmed in suggestive/provocative ways to "give something to the ladies", so he -- as he said -- liked to "film him walking away" or have him conveniently busting out of his shirts in just about every episode as it were, because Shatner apparently had great assets. LOL

Gene made an effort to at least sexualize both if he was going to sexualize one, and he carried that attitude forward in wanting the m/m and f/f scenes in the background on Risa for TNG. He also insisted that the men and women wear skimpy outfits on THAT TNG planet. You know the one. LOL I mean the dudes even had on less than the women:

Gene also gave permission to K/S shippers to have their conventions back in the 70s when he was asked for permission. Gene and Nimoy felt with all the skimpy outfits they had the ladies wear, why not let the ladies and gay men have their fun, too? It's how we ended up with moments like this:

Yes, those are two people dressed up as Kirk and Spock's penises doing interpretive dance. Gene didn't give two damns. LOL

In my eyes, that was a very progressive take on Gene's part for the 60s. It was actually PARAMOUNT STUDIOS who had the big problem with K/S stories and vehemently tried to shut them down. Gene literally hired slash authors on his payroll and even had several slash stories/writers published in his official Star Trek books (The New Voyages & The New Voyages II).

I feel I saw Uhura and women in TOS engaged in more physical combat/altercations defending themselves that Troi or Bev were shown holding their own.

In fact, Kirk used to get furious when someone would "dress up" his female crew members without their consent (Trelane episode, Shore Leave episode) because like his male crew members, he wanted them to be treated professionally and to also have his male crew act professionally.

Berman brought some of his own personal biases into Star Trek that in some ways regressed it. While TOS had blatant sexism and was called on it time and again, that show was made in the 60s -- a solid 21 years before TNG. We as a modern audience understood why some of it was cringe/sexist due to the time period -- look at any other media coming out in the 60s and Star Trek was miles ahead of what other shows were doing.

Compare that to Berman who was churning sexist stuff out when women like Starbuck and Scully were simultaneously on screen on other programs airing, and we had already had Sigourney Weaver and other strong women in Holywood playing respectful roles.

In my eyes, there was no need of the sexism seen in TNG but especially VOY and ENT. There was no excuse for it when other shows were writing women far better and a number of those weren't even set in the future like Trek was, making it age even faster due to having those dated perspectives frequently highlighted.

In the Center Seat documentary as well as "The Fifty Year Mission" book you will find cast members, writers and other studio alumni who attest to this. Some discussions from "The Fifty Year Mission":

"First, Berman was supposed to have been a real sleaze ball . . . According to Terry Farrel, he would go on constantly about how her breasts weren't big enough, how she should do something about it, and how his secretary was a good example to follow as she had huge breasts. She even had to have fittings to get larger bras, and that was all done at his behest.

Later Berman and Braga developed a name for Jeri Ryan's character prior Seven of Nine. They originally called the character "perineum" which if you look it up it is the area between the anus and the scrotum. Later they floated the name "6 of 9". I mean, what does it tell you about where these two were coming from in the development of this character if they had names like that put forward in all seriousness for her?"

Gene Roddenberry also had some of his own more progressive ideas for TNG cut or watered down by Berman. Roddenberry agreed TNG should have homosexual relationships and representation at a con in the 80s and insisted on it in a meeting with his writers -- something Berman later would not honor. Gene wanted the AIDS episode, showing m/m and f/f in the Riza scenes -- these were some of Roddenberry's requests to include in TNG that Berman later stonewalled.

Berman's era was sadly dated by his own misogynist bias, IMO, to the point that it can somewhat hurt the shows he worked on through his cringe egoism and blatant disrespect toward his female cast.

There is a reason why Gene could keep female actresses working with him and Berman had a revolving door of women that he couldn't seem to keep working for him -- he was abhorrent to women, on and off set. Gene wasn't perfect at all, he had a lot of issues himself -- but Berman was a whole other level. Just look at what he did to poor Jolene Blalock, Marina Sirtis and his toxic commenting on her body weight which exacerbated her struggles with eating disorders, or how he treated and talked to Terry Farrell.

Anyway, just some food for thought. I'm not saying anyone is wrong regarding a take like that, but there are a variety of ways to look at this. Gene Roddenberry isn't a saint by any means, but it definitely bothers me how folks will tote the Berman era as if it were the lesser of two evils or the more progressive depiction of women when I felt there were far more concerning portrayals of women in his era with far less justification.

(P.S: I don't event want to go near the sheer amount of "creepy old dude/villain preys on innocent/naïve/scared young woman or little girl" stories there were in Berman's era, either. But that's a whole other can of worms I can write about in a part 2.)

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theminecraftbee · 7 months

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being in true sexyman nostalgia mode today (on account of. IT'S BEEN ONE YEAR BABY.) i think one of the most fascinating things about it is that we will never manage to do that again. like, not in a "we couldn't organize it better" way; there were better ways to do the spreadsheet, we would just turn off comments on posts and anon asks from day one so that we wouldn't then get people accusing us of censorship while we tried and failed to control the tide of things that ended up in the comments and inbox, we'd definitely have a WAY higher non-hermit contingent, both thanks to qsmp and thanks to the sexyman blog and medusa now having MUCH wider reach to other corners of the fandom and the original spread not all rooting at me, etc.

but the reason we couldn't do it again is that i don't know if we could ever replicate the exact circumstances that lead to it blowing up quite to the extent it blew up.

it was while tumblr polls and doing tumblr poll brackets on tumblr itself was still new-ish, and people were still excited about them. the idea of a mcytblr bracket was basically brand new; i won't claim we did it FIRST (because i have no idea if we did and doubt we did), but certainly we did it big first. so there's that; we can never again invent in real time "shit people are sending us threats about fraud lets legalize fraud because its funny, we can't stop it, and that neutralizes that drama as a thing anyone will take seriously", and then in turn accidentally invent a fandom culture of. um. wide-spread voter fraud.

(i don't know if we should apologize for, uh, causing the specific way mcytblr voter frauds. i still think it was better than the alternative at least, especially after seeing how so many other polls crashed and burned after us. there were MANY things we could have done better but i have seen SO MANY ways we could have done things worse since then so i think we came out looking pretty okay.)

but also: february 2023 was a very different time in mcytblr. we were in a hermitcraft dead period, where most of the hermits were either on vacation or playing tcg (which was fun, but didn't end up generating that much fandom activity by that time in february). the former dsmp crew was very much doing Nothing (and in that awkward space when the entire fandom knew dsmp 2 was never happening, but also people were still claiming it would happen, so it was just... busy waiting). qsmp didn't exist yet. there was no ongoing life series and wouldn't be for some time. i think even the dominioners and lifestealers were in a fairly dead zone. there was very little new for people to be excited about, mcyt content-wise.

enter: our poll. our poll which cleo then thinks its funny to call out on twitter. our poll, which was not only new mcyt content for the fandom to interact with (thanks to the fact we KEPT GETTING CC INTERACTIONS???), but participatory.

for about two weeks, we were the mcyt event de jour.

and like. the thing is. now we're in february 2024. mcyt is BOOMING. a new hermitcraft season JUST STARTED. we came off of vault hunters before that. meanwhile, qsmp just restarted and is, if i'm understanding correctly, booming. they just added a new guy! the two current juggernauts of the fandom are in FULL SWING. i honestly think we'd be somewhat overtaken by the fact things are actually happening in fandom. there's stuff to do that ISN'T go insane about a poll.

and it's not new, and we've seen it all before now, and frankly, it's hard to cause a mass hysteria event TWICE. lightning in a bottle, as they say.

i think part of the reason we all just REMEMBER mcytblr sexyman so much is that we could never, ever recreate it, so it remains crystalized in a single moment in time, impossible to replicate, forever memorable.

anyway: HAPPY ONE YEAR TO THE JOE HILLS SWEEP BABY,

#mcytblr sexyman #sorry i'm in nostalgia mode and feel like rambling. o7 happy one year to joe's victory

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sauroff · 19 days

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I know this is really weird but hear me out. My dad (62yo) has always been a fan of racing, and has gonne to some local races (I used to go too as a small kid, always rooting for whoever had a purple car). But he has always dreamed to see a F1 race. This year, he was very shyly considering going to Brasil's. For the first time in a long while, there is a latino on the top 10, and just recently another one, from our country, also entered the top 20. So, he is ecstatic.

The thing is, as soon as the prices were posted, he realized it was much more than he can spend. Just the ticket is way too expensive, and he has to add the plane tickets, place to stay, etc.

Enter me here, trying to get that damn ticket, while my brother takes care of the other expenses, to take him to go watch his cars go brrrr I don't have the money, but at least I can try to get it.

That being said, let's get to the important part!

PRIZES:

1- 50usd to use on my Redbubble (or someone's else if you want to! I'm not gonna get jealous)*

2- 40usd commission (can be one full body, a half body couple, etc)

3- 20usd to use on my Redbubble ***

ANYONE WHO BUYS A TICKET GETS AN AVATAR AS A THANKS **

IMPORTANT: The raffle will only take place if at least 35 tickets/numbers are sold. If you bought one ticket, but we didn't reach that number, you will get your avatar and a refund.

Tickets can be bought via Ko-fi or Paypal invoice. Send me a DM and I'll help you out with it :)

* If Redbubble doesn't deliver to your country, you can change it for 50usd in a commission, from me or another artist. If you do want the original price, you must also be comfortable with giving me an address to deliver the goods to!

** The style of the avatar will be this one:

*** If you are not from the Tolkien fandom, you can check more of my non-tolkien related works on my IG or my Artstation. Almost any work can be made into a print or sticker or other products from RB.

♥♥♥ Shares are greatly appreciated ♥♥♥

#raffle #art raffle #sauron #annatar #mairon #tags since he is technically there #and i could use the extra boost this once #personal

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sweetestcaptainhughes · 2 months

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Moments in Time - Quinn Hughes Edition

Word Count - 2300

Summary - The eight times Quinn Hughes showed his love through the ring camera that he didn’t even want in the first place.

Warnings - none pure fluff I know a true shocker if you aren't new here

Author's Note: Hello everyone as always thank you for reading. This is apart of a "Moments in Time" series that I wrote eight moments each of the Hughes brothers. The fics are individual stand alone pieces, they can be read in any order, or you could only read the one brother you want.

Jack Hughes Edition. Luke Hughes Edition.

I have to give credit to my girl Kay @icebound-imagination for not only helping come up with the original idea! But literally stayed up late one night to help me detail plan all three Hughes brothers fics because I didn't want any repeated ideas. Kay also wrote some of the concepts and hers are noted as "Kendra's Version."

Main Masterlist

When you mentioned to Quinn the first time that you wanted to get a ring doorbell he gave you that famous “what the fuck” Quinn Hughes look. But then when you told him about how you really just wanted it in Vancouver because of how much time you spent completely alone in the apartment. To this day, you swear you’ve never heard Quinn agree to anything so fast. Truthfully you just wanted to watch your neighbor’s new puppy growth. But you knew that if there is anyone who hates you having to be completely alone for so long with no family around it’s Quinn. So really it was best of both worlds, Quinn felt more at ease with the ring camera and you got to watch the next door neighbor be ridiculously cute everyday on the way to their walks.

Early Morning Goodbyes

Quinn had to leave early many times throughout the season. Although he always kissed you goodbye on the cheek, because you were still deep in sleep you both knew you wouldn’t remember it. Learning this after the first time he did kiss you goodbye before leaving for a roadie and you didn’t remember it at all. To say you were mad at Quinn for not saying goodbye, you gave him the silent treatment for two whole days, only to discover you were the one in the wrong.

So the next time he had to leave home early due to an early flight for a roadie or hell, even an early morning skate. Of course he still kissed your cheek and whispered his goodbyes. But he started saying bye on the ring because he knew that way you’d see it when you were actually a functionable human being to society and would remember it.

2. Getting a notification

The main reason that Quinn agreed to getting a ring was because of how you said that you would feel safer when he was on long roadies. The first time that you came home from work and he was on a roadie, he was waiting for the notification to come on his phone. As soon as it popped up he clicked on it quickly, ignoring his teammates and the movie they had playing in the background. “Hi baby.” he said softly he didn’t wanna startle you. After a long day all you wanted to do was crawl into bed, “hi Quinny” immediately hearing his voice and feeling better.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you supposed to be doing some team bonding?” Resting your forehead against your doorbell but looking directly at the camera.

“Oh I am Barbie is playing right now it was Brock’s turn to pick.” A soft laugh leaves both your lips at Quinn’s comment, your laugh continues when you hear Brock in the background telling him to “fuck off.” Quickly Quinn tells you that he’s gotta go but he will text you.

That was the first night you guys had a full blown conversation through your ring camera when he was on a roadie. But it became a little tradition every night when you got home if Quinn was out of town. Even if at the time he was in the middle of a game or an interview, everyday you would ring the doorbell and say “Quinny I’m home.”

3. Drop the attitude

Quinn and you didn’t fight often but when you did it was usually something serious. Today was not one of those cases, it was just one of those days where you were in a bad mood all day and you couldn’t pin point why. But every little thing Quinn was doing was getting on your nerves, to the point of you wanting to scream. From procrastinating on unloading the dishwasher, to being indecisive about what he wanted for breakfast. By the time you were trying to take a nap and he was yelling on Facetime with Jack and Luke you had hit your breaking point.

Storming into the living room and telling Quinn that he needed to leave the apartment because you needed time alone before you went insane. Quinn told his brothers he’d call them back and hung up. He tried to ask you what was wrong but you insisted that you needed him to leave. So he left but not without leaving a message on the ring camera.

“I don’t know where this attitude is coming from, baby. But what do you need for it to go away? Like do we need food? Are you hangry? Do you need cuddles and some quiet time? Cause whatever you need imma give it to you if you drop the attitude. Cause I don’t like when you want to kill me.”

4. Celebrating

Every home game that you went to it wasn’t unusual for you to uber from the apartment to the stadium. But you would always wait until Quinn was ready to leave to go home to the game. Tonight there was a home game and you were planning on going. But this week has been so long at work, you were debating on just watching it on T.V, ultimately you did decide to take an uber to the game. Never have you been so happy to not miss out on a game live. It was an insane game that turned out to be a shutout with no other than baby goalie as starter.

Quinn and you both decided to go to the local bar to celebrate with the team and other wags. After Quinn had 2 beers, and you lost track of the amount of rum and cokes Petey was giving you. Quinn decided it was time to call it a night. Once you got home, your not sure if it was the alcohol you both consumed or just still on a high from the game. But Quinn insisted on practically sprinting down the hallway to your apartment while you cheered about the game. Quinn has never felt so lucky the night when the ring camera was able to catch such an intimate private moment that neither of you would have remembered that morning without the video proof.

5. Playing pranks - Kendra’s Version

You had just settled onto the couch, a warm bowl of popcorn balanced in your lap as your phone screen lit up. You picked it up and checked to see you had a notification from the front door’s security camera. It was Friday night, which meant you weren’t getting any deliveries and your husband, Quinn, was home in the shower.

Curiously you click into the app, seeing what the footage showed. And it wasn’t much. But what you could see was some blonde hair and a toque. You knew exactly who that hair and that hat belonged to. What on earth was he doing?

Your finger hovered over the screen as you decided what to do about your husband’s teammate when the camera showed a flash of a stylish jacket, one that was definitely not the style of the blond hair and toque wearing teammate. Which meant his literal partner in crime was with him. And then it was like someone smashed their finger onto a fast forward button.

You were getting ready to use the two way microphone to ask what was going on when you heard a crashing noise. Your finger hit the button quickly as you yelled out “What on earth are you two blond himbos doing out there? Brock I swear to god if you’re leaving your laundry for me to do again I’m throwing it in the Pacific!”

You were too busy screaming to notice you weren’t the only one who heard the ruckus Dumb and Dumber had made. Quinn must have seen the security notification when he got out of the shower, heard your screaming, and now he was angrily stomping towards the front door and opening it up to figure out what was going on.

Brock, who must have tried to hide from the camera, was leaning against the door. Except the door was ripped open by your angry husband and Brock came tumbling backwards into the foyer. His signature smirk and deep voice trying to play innocent. “Hey Huggy.”

You decided it was time to get off the couch and look for yourself. As you pushed past Quinn and Brock you leaned against the door frame. This was when you noticed the white stuff all over and that Petey was doubled over in laughter.

This left Brock to be the one to fess up their master plan, “Well we figured it would be Quinn that would see the camera not you. He’s ALWAYS checking it in the locker room. After me and the Swede had too many tonight we wanted to have some fun. And what’s more fun than pranking the captain? We wanted him to open the door to pie him. Get glitter stuck in his playoff beard. You weren’t supposed to catch us, Y/N.”

You looked back at Petey, now understanding why he was sparkling under your porch lights.

“Sorry about the plant,” he wheezed.

You could feel Quinn’s glare get darker. Brock however was unaffected by the quiet brooding man. “Petey will pay for it because he makes more money.”

6. “Where the fuck you going in that dress?”

Quinn wasn’t as overprotective over you as people assumed he would be with his girlfriend. He trusted you and he also knew that you knew how to keep yourself safe when you were out with friends for a girls night. But at the same time he didn’t like it when you went out when he was on a roadie. Quinn made the comment about how when he’s a plane ride away it gives him anxiety when you're out with friends drinking. He said that he would feel terrible if something bad happened or even if you needed a ride home and he couldn’t come to you because he was on the other side of the continent. Since you weren’t a big partier anyway, from that night on you did tend to only go out if Quinn was in town. Never wanting to be the reason you brought your boyfriend to the breaking point with his anxiety.

But it was your best friend having her birthday and you couldn’t not go. It had completely slipped your mind about your new ring camera and how Quinn was basically addicted to checking it especially when he was on the road. After coming over to get ready at your place. Finally you were ready to order the uber and as you were locking the door, you heard Quinn’s voice “Where the hell are going in that dress?” You could tell from his voice that he was definitely a little annoyed. It was probably because he knew even from the shitty ring camera quality that this was your go to clubbing dress.

“Hi bubs. It’s Y/B/F birthday tonight.I know your out on a roadie which is why I didn’t tell you.” You said as you bent down so that your face was lined up with the camera. “I am realizing now that wasn’t my smartest idea. I promise I won’t be out long okay? I’ll text you as soon as I get home, Quinny.” Quinn could hear the guilt in your voice and it made his heart break a little.

“It’s okay baby girl. Just be safe okay. I love you. Also your making me miss you even more cause you look really really fucking beautiful in that dress.” As much as you tried to hide your blush you knew that you were failing miserably.

“Thanks Quinn. I love you.” as you stood up and blew a kiss to the camera.

7. Fidgety Hughes

Sometimes Quinn’s fidgeting was out of this world insane even for him. Whether it was that he sometimes let himself get lost in his head and didn’t realize how bad it had gotten. Or if shaking his leg or tapping his fingers on thighs calmed his anxiety. But sometimes his fidgeting was just adorable and this was no difference. Quinn was trying to unlock the door but his hands kept fidgeting probably due to the rough practice or maybe it was just from being tired. But after dropping his keys the fourth time you couldn’t help but chirp him through the camera.

“I hope you can handle a puck better than those keys Hughes.” Quinn couldn’t help but smile at your voice through the camera.

“Oh I can name a lot of things you tell me all the time I handle better than these keys.” playing along with your antics but with a flirty tone. But then of course he dropped his keys on the floor for the fifth time.

“Come on get it together bro.” you chirp.

“Don’t be such a brat, unless you need a reminder of who you beg to help you when you have an itch.”

8. Long Week

Quinn knows that you’ve had a long week and been very stressed because of it. So he stops at the store on his way home and grabs all your favorite snacks that he knows you will want later when you come home from work. He decides to ring the camera to tell you that he got all your favorite snacks and will be ready when you get home for a movie night or whatever you want. Even if it’s The Office which he never even saw a single episode until he met you and you forced him to. He also tells you that he already placed an order to your favorite restaurant for takeout.

#quinn hughes blurb #quinn hughes imagine #quinn hughes #qh43 #vancouver canucks fic #vancouver canucks #vancouver canucks fanfiction #nhl fanfiction #nhl fic #hughes imagine #quinn hughes x reader #schwritingsqh43

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halsinsnaturepocket · 5 months

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Half Awake, Fully Horny

Thank you to @pedros-immaculate-vibes for making the original post this is based on forever ago

beta readers: @silveredbark @roguegrove @cozykomala and @myers-meadow

Summary: It's 3am, you're about to roll over and go back to sleep, but not without a quick snuggle of your slumbering lover - except he's also inexplicably awake.

Rating: Explicit

CW: Modern Au, Halsin x you, PxV sex (fem/nb reader intended but no explicit gender or pronouns are used) some hair pulling, no time for foreplay just jumping right in, halsin's got a big dick, creampie

Read it on ao3 here

You awaken against your will in the middle of the night, not for any particular reason, just that momentary lapse between sleep cycles where you are vaguely aware that you are awake. You let out a soft sigh and reach for your phone. The light blinds you for a moment as you struggle to turn the brightness down to see the time – 3:07am. Too early to get up, just enough time to go back to sleep and be rested enough for work in the morning. All you need to do is roll over, readjust yourself, and fall back to sleep. But, before you do, you take advantage of the moment to snuggle against your snoozing lover, Halsin.

You slowly rotate yourself so you are facing him; his form is a dark shadow that is slowly becoming clearer as your eyes adjust to the low light of your shared bedroom. He is positioned on his side, his broad back towards you. Usually, the two of you would snuggle in each other's arms before falling asleep back-to-back. Halsin liked to be touching you when he slept, and you loved the feeling of connection it gave you. You loved feeling him shift against you, feel his body moving as he breathed. It was a gift every night to simply feel his presence beside you.

However, the man was a furnace. Since your first night together, he had been sleeping naked, and you realized quickly that clothes were not needed when sleeping beside him, no matter the season. On most nights, you kept on a thin pair of undergarments, just enough to keep you from feeling too exposed. As much as you wanted to, sleeping in each other's arms was sweaty and unbearable on hot nights like tonight. A quick snuggle wouldn't hurt anyone, though.

You push your face into his warm back, nuzzling your face between those deliciously muscular shoulder blades. Something about sleeping always makes Halsin so warm and comfortable, his skin feels softer, his body is relaxed, his scent is strong and musky. You push your nose in and breathe in deep as you wrap your arms and legs around him, taking in as much of him as you can before you go back to sleeping. Nothing in this world was quite as wonderful. You feel him stir against you, and you realize he’s also awake. He tilts his shoulders and head back and you realize he wants to roll over and face you. A smile hints at your lips as you shift around to give him room to roll and move closer to you. In the dim light, you see his sleepy face come into focus. His eyes are closed as he feels his way into the crook of your neck. He inhales deeply, and you feel his chest puff out and fall empty as he breathes in your scent. He pulls you in tight for an embrace and kisses you on the forehead, and then your nose, and your lips. His lips are so warm and soft against yours, and you lean into it, pushing your whole body against him.

Sometimes when Halsin did this, he would immediately turn back over and you would both go back to sleep. However, he instead presses his body against you in return, twining his legs between yours. Never one to turn down a full-body embrace, you shift into a more comfortable position, moving your arm under the crook of his neck, snaking your legs between his, and you let out a deep breath. As you settle yourself against him, you feel his hot, untethered length pressing against your leg. An involuntary groan escapes from your throat. Is he trying to turn you on, or was this just something he woke up with?

He half opens his eyes to meet your gaze, as if sensing the question. He smiles, nuzzling against your face. He kisses along your jaw and neck, nipping and sucking gently at your flesh. You wordlessly tell him you want more with a soft exhale as you grind your leg against his hardening cock.

Sleep was no longer an option as you felt the clouds clearing from your mind, primal senses taking over in their place. He kisses you with the hunger of a bear that just awoke hibernation, ravenously clawing against your skin and grinding against you. You trace your hand along his leg, slipping it between your entangled thighs to slide your hand along his length and he lets out a growl. He bares his teeth against your skin and grabs you by the hips, flipping you on top of him, the blanket that was draped over you falling off to his side, only covering your intertwined legs. The air around you is cooler than the dome of heat that had been created between your bodies, and with the blanket gone, the cooler air swirling around you sends a shiver up your spine. Halsin's warm hands are a welcome sensation as he rubs your chilled skin. His hands caress your sides and chest, his thumbs gently encircling your hardened nipples, sending a jolt of electricity down your spine and instantly warming you as you feel arousal pooling between your legs. A soft moan escapes from your lips. Damn, of all the nights to have worn underwear.

He lifts you up by the hips to position your legs on either side of his lap, and as he lowers you down, you feel the heat of his cock pressing against your core through the gossamer-thin undergarment as he grinds against you with a groan. You moan in response, aching for more. He pulls you closer and takes one nipple in his mouth, sucking and biting at it as you move your hips faster against him, desperate to feel more. Not one to leave any part of you neglected, he switches his mouth to the other nipple, encircling the other with his thumb. You moan again as warmth and moisture build against the thin barrier of fabric blocking you from feeling your lover grinding against you, your panties are soaked and you can almost feel it, but it's not enough.

"Halsin....please. I need to feel you." You plead.

He wastes no time. He slides his hands down your sides and nearly rips the thin cloth off of you as he pulls them down. You ungracefully lift your legs and kick them off and bite at his neck as you greedily rub your clit against his shaft. He moans, letting you grind yourself against his length as the moisture and heat between your legs spills onto him. With a low growl, he grabs your hips with almost enough force to leave a bruise and flips you both over, pinning you under him. His hand hastily finds its way between your legs and he slips two digits inside of you, pumping them a few times before stroking his wet fingers against your sensitive clit. You let out a soft yelp as he gently circles the nub, his movements a little clumsy and hasty. You feel like an unkempt mess coming undone at his touch, your body alight with excitement from him knowing your weak spots even when half-asleep. The excitement of this impromptu lovemaking was almost enough to send you over the edge. He'd barely even started, but at this point, you're so wet and ready for him, you don't even want the extensive foreplay. You just want him inside of you now.

"Please…gods…fuck me, Halsin." you whimper in his ear. “I need you deep inside of me.”

"Hmm. I need no further invitation" He mumbles with a low chuckle. You can tell from his voice he is equally as desperate to be buried deep inside of you. Before you can take a breath, he puts your legs over his shoulders and plunges into you. You wince as he enters you, remembering exactly why you usually take time for foreplay. The pain of him stretching you so suddenly makes you inhale sharply and wince. He pauses, a look of concern crossing his face as he remembers the burden of his size.

“Should I stop, my heart?” His voice rumbles from above you. You look up at him, his hair is tousled from sleep and hanging wildly around his concerned face.

"Just keep going,” you say to him breathlessly, moving one of your legs off of his shoulder and laying it beside him, a better position since you haven’t stretched.

“I need you so badly. Just...go slow." You whimper.

Halsin obliges, resisting the urge to bury himself in deep. He places one warm hand on your hip to guide himself, and the other on the leg still slung over his shoulder and thrusts gently, going in a little deeper every few thrusts. You breathe in deeply and try to relax your tight muscles and let him in.

“Gods you’re so tight…” He lets out a deep moan as he bottoms out and he stops thrusting, catching his breath as he soaks in the sight of you beneath him.

Your eyes have fully adjusted to the dim light of the night to the savory sight of him disheveled from sleeping. His hair is down, a little damp from sweat, some strands curl and twist while others lay down flat. There are red indents on his skin across his torso and on his arms from the folds of the sheets you had been resting on only moments ago. He is a wild mess. This is Halsin in his rawest form, without any masks or walls he puts on around other people. It was a rare treat to see, but godsdamned if it wasn't always the sexiest sight you had ever seen.

“You are so beautiful.” He says, catching you off guard. Your cheeks warm as a blush spreads across your face, you probably look similarly disheveled.

With a deep breath, you move your legs, wrapping them around his waist, and pull him closer to you, pushing him in deeper. With a groan he starts thrusting again, slowly works up his pace until you are fully prepared for him to pound into you. As he feels you relaxing, and your moans become louder, he moves your legs back over his shoulders and his pace becomes relentless. The sound of your moans feels comparatively loud to the silence of the night around you as he pounds harder and harder, until you start to feel the familiar warmth of an orgasm gripping at your senses. You gush and overflow as you cry out his name, which only encourages him to move faster, chasing his own release. It all feels amazing, but you want a deeper release, you want him buried so deep you see stars. You want him not to hold back, and to feel his balls swinging and slapping against your clit until he comes inside of you. You put your hand on his chest to make him stop and he looks at you inquisitively.

"Bend me over, Halsin." you gasp.

It’s the fastest way to get you to your best release, and the one position where he never holds back, and you could be as loud as you wanted with a pillow to muffle you, no less. He wordlessly pulls out and effortlessly flips you over. As you gather together whatever pillow is in front of you to bury your face in, he pulls you up by the hips and enters you swiftly. You exclaim loudly into the cushion as his cock slides in, you feel it filling you fully, hitting every sensitive nerve inside of you.

He does not hold back. He buries his hand in your hair, pulling at the roots and he braces himself with one large hand across your back, pinning you down against the bed. He slams into you and sets a searing, relentless pace until you are a moaning, swearing mess. The sound of his moans is rivaled only by the sound of his skin slapping loudly against your wet backside, you can feel hot liquid arousal running down your legs. Just like you craved, his balls are swinging and slapping deliciously against your clit as he pounds away much faster than anyone his size should be able to. His cock swells and hits against your walls as he growls like the animal he is. His name escapes your lips an incomprehensible amount of times as your screams and moans are muffled by the pillow he is pressing you into. You have to turn your head to the side so he can hear you speak:

"I'm so close, oh gods, Halsin, don't stop...don't you dare fucking stop...fuck!" You shout as you feel your walls contracting and clenching around him as you release. He keeps thrusting as wetness spills out of you, he is not far behind. Your orgasm pushes him over the edge. He pulls your hair and comes inside you with a primal, guttural noise and you feel his cock twitching inside you as he fills you.

After a few beats, he releases his grip on your hair and pulls himself out of you, and you're finally able to collapse belly-down on the bed. A groan escapes your lips as you feel his seed sliding out of you.

"We're going to need to wash the sheets in the morning." You mutter. There’s no doing it now. You need to sleep.

“Indeed.” He chuckles. You take a few deep breaths, waiting for the blood to return to your legs so you can shakily walk yourself towards the bathroom to hastily clean yourself up.

When you return, the ruined sheets are on the floor, Halsin has carefully draped your favorite fleece blanket over the naked mattress. Halsin is smoothing out the wrinkles as you lean against the door frame, admiring how he looks as he spreads the blanket out with care and sets the pillows back on the bed, giving them each a little fluff and arranging them carefully for optimal comfort. He catches you out of the corner of his eye and gives you a warm smile.

"This blanket isn't ideal for sleeping on long term but...it'll do for tonight. We can toss the sheets in the wash tomorrow morning."

You return his smile and roll on top of the bed playfully, beckoning him to lay back down next to you. He smiles and lays down beside you, spooning you against him. He pulls the plush duvet cover over the both of you and pulls you in tight. He kisses the back of your neck affectionately, and the two of you are sound asleep before you know it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thanks for reading! reblogs/likes/comments always appreciated.

tagging everyone who liked my post earlier: @ohnoo0o @plutonianplaything2 @plutonianplaything2 @ltlmc

#bg3 fanfiction #baldur's gate 3 #Baldur's gate 3 fanfiction #bg3 fanfic #baldur's gate fanfic #halsin #halsin silverbough #halsin x reader #halsin x you #halsin smut #not sfw #my writing

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coco-loco-nut · 4 months

Text

Book Club - Part 9

pairing: grid x reader

summary: you just got your wisdom teeth out, just in time for winter break fun with headcanons

a/n: thanks for the request, I missed the club❤️ ALSO! the original post just hit 1,500 notes??? like guys🥹 ilysm, you don’t even know. you are still reading my silly little writings, and i appreciate that more than you know. every like, comment, and reblog is the reason we are here 9 parts later (seriously you should see how happy i am when i see comments)

requests open masterlist

——————

- You didn’t tell anyone else on the grid other than Lance, obviously

- They were all surprised when it was announced that you were going to be missing Abu Dahbi

- Your oral surgeon only had that Wednesday free before Christmas

- …and let’s be real, your seat was secure, you weren’t going to win the WDC, and the constructors championship was locked in

- You would raise hell if you couldn’t enjoy the food around the holidays, so missing the last race it was

- You were exhausted from the season and appreciated the early break

- Lance just let it slip to the drivers on Friday a couple of hours after he got there

- You were sitting at home with Kimi, swollen and in pain all Friday

- “What do you mean she won’t be here? We have our presents for her” Fernando pouts

- Charles one day ships you cases of his gelato with a note telling you to feel better, he’s trying to get into the club for the gossip

- Lance gets invited to the club meeting to his surprise

- He assumes that they want to check in on you, despite them blowing up your phone

- No, he was VERY wrong

- Lance got roped into showing them videos of you on drugs

- Their favorite was the one of you when you first came out from being under

- “I’m married? Oh my god, I married Nico Hülkenberg? This is the best day of my life”

- You were sobbing tears of joy

- Nico was sent the video immediately, you gave him permission via text to post it the next day

- The second favorite was your favorite to laugh at

- You went on a massive rant about how Susie Wolff is a MILF and how you hoped Toto could fight because the female driver was your woman crush and you WILL have her

- Susie loved the video (George and Lewis sent it in the Mercedes family gc), Toto… not as much but he was amused

- You got a lot of fussing drivers on Facetime during the meeting

- You were loopy af from the painkillers and general exhaustion during it, it wasn’t your fault they called you late

- Kimi forced them to shut up and hang up so you could sleep

- Carlos joked about being relieved that there wasn’t another race for you to follow his trend during an interview

- You won the first race the next year

- Your phone started blowing up with messages on social media wishing you a quick recovery

- Most of the book club showed up to your home after Abu Dahbi, wanting to make a quick stop to check in before the break

- “Hello, wife,” Nico greets you when he sees you

- You joked you were about to file for divorce from Lance, who just sighed and went to get you a carton of LEC

- You had to film you opening your secret santa gift and send it to the F1 social team

- You got a quilt blanket that had a square for each book you read with the club since it started

- You actually started sobbing (you blamed the meds, even if you were actually crying)

- Lewis got the biggest hug ever, he enlisted help from Valtteri for all the books

- You forced them to cut the parts of you crying out of the video

- You got Logan an old iPod full of popular music (you hacked into his phone to check the genres he liked) from his childhood and now

- Obviously you added headphones and a couple chargers

- Logan used it all the time, he called you immediately to thank you

- You had the honors of choosing the first book over winter break

- You chose an F1 romance novel

- Boy oh boy were those meetings fun, just tearing up the book for its inaccuracy

- Daniel vowed to write an accurate one and sell it

- Spoiler Alert: he never did

- But Fernando did

- It was an international bestseller

#f1 imagines #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 grid #f1 grid x reader #daniel ricciardo #george russell #logan sargeant #nico hulkenberg #kevin magnussen #valtteri bottas #lewis hamilton #fernando alonso #lance stroll #lance stroll x reader #book club #book club is back #silly little headcanons

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liulith · 2 months

Text

We as a fandom need to open our hearts to the insane comedic potential of Sir Pentious being included as a background character in stories taking place in the "old days" before Vox and Alastor's falling out. AND the comedic potential of one-sided Sir Pentious -> Vox.

Why?

Canon!Sir Pentious is attached to his era's aesthetics but he also wants to be "hip and cool" (see pilot episode; Sir Pentious as the how do you do fellow kids meme) and join the "Almighty Vees". When did he start wanting that? He's not a media demon trying to keep up with his audience and be a likeable public figure. He's a mechanic trying to conquer Hell by force thanks to his machines and obviously relishes in acting like a villain (fear me! I'm so evil! I'm the architect of destruction! etc. etc).

This is very different from the Vees' approach - maintaining a perfect public image, insidious manipulation tactics... Vox threatens Alastor in the show, but the Vees clearly haven't built their power through turf wars, which is and has always been Pentious' one and only strategy. All the machines we've seen him make are war weapons (+ the Egg Boyz who do his bidding, and help him operate those very weapons). Voxtek probably sells weaponry too but that is more Camilla's domain, so it would be more logical for Pentious to try and join her.

Pentious' and the Vees agenda and interests aren't aligned, so why is Pentious so desperate to join the Vees?

there are many reasons why Pentious could want to be part of the Vees besides the one I'm gonna talk about but you know what MY agenda is:

Vox is Pentious' idol. Pentious is an inventor, an innovator. He would have loved waking up in Hell with a mechanical body he can upgrade however he wants and finds the whole concept fascinating.

He's not against new technology, as his creations clearly go beyond what people could have had invented in his time despite their "steampunk" aesthetic (see: the effing death ray). So I think his current "limitations" are more a matter of him having to stick with what he knows best because it's hard to keep up with the constant stream of new tech. This is why he's more than impressed with Vox's extraordinary ability to adapt to change and master new technologies again and again. He's a fellow innovator! That's one reason for Pentious to be obsessed with the guy.

And if you think obsessed isn't the right word, think about this: Sir Pentious repeatedly challenges Alastor to fights even though he's clearly outmatched and it's an incredible risk to take considering what Alastor does. Pentious is OLDER than Alastor, he was there when he broadcast the most powerful Overlords' scream all over Hell. Plus, losing always leaves him in a very vulnerable position (without his best weapons). Is it madness? Hubris? An obsession for Alastor? No!

Sir Pentious to Alastor: Silence! Now Cower! For when I've slain you, the Almighty Vees will finally acknowledge me!

Sir Pentious thinks defeating Alastor is the only way the Vees will finally acknowledge him. No matter how dangerous it is, he has to try, for the Vees (Vox). Just like he took the risk of angering the Princess of Hell to get in Vox's good graces. This says a lot, for someone as paranoid as him, who doesn't trust anyone who is "too nice" to him.

If Hazbin had more episodes there should have been one about Pentious struggling with the fact he disappointed his idol and told to KHS 👀

(btw this is old news but we know that one of the Hazbin episodes that Viv originally pitched was about a science contest organized by Voxtek in which Pentious and Baxter competed against each other! Pentious could have done that after ep2!)

Anyway, back to the comedic potential of it all & Vox's arrival in Hell. Can you imagine his reaction as a newly fallen Sinner, when he's hanging out with Alastor (aka following him like a lost puppy?) and he meets Sir Pentious for the first time? Like sure, Hell is full of insane people but Alastor obviously has a Reputation and no one ever challenges him. And suddenly... Hm... Alastor?? There's an airship with a giant cannon pointed right as us?? Firing a DEATH RAY?!

It's also so funny to imagine Sir Pentious being obsessed with Alastor and considering him his archnemesis back in the day, only to slowly become obsessed with Vox instead and only caring about defeating Alastor because he thinks Vox will like it. It starts with Sir Pentious trying to "gather intel" on Alastor's new "ally", spying on them or sending his Egg Boyz to do so (and we already know great he is at spying so you can guess how that goes lol), and the rest is history.

Alastor loves attention so he probably let Pentious spy on him behind bushes from time to time if only because it's very entertaining to watch him try to be discrete and make his shadow tap on his shoulder. How hilarious would it be if Alastor noticed Sir Pentious' growing crush on Vox but not Vox's crush on him? Also, Vox misunderstanding Pentious and Alastor's relationship and thinking Pentious is a weird obsessive ex... The world is a stage and the stage is a world of entertainment!

#hazbin hotel thoughts #hazbin hotel vox #sir pentious #hazbin hotel alastor #staticsnake #radiostatic #hazbin hotel

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xanasaurusrex · 9 months

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hi, i love how you write, could you please write some clarisse x daughter of hephaestus drabble? like some love triangle kind hephaestus, aphrodite and ares, but the sapphic version with ares and hephaestus, please ♡

clarisse and hephaestus!daughter hiding their relationship clarisse la rue x hephaestus!daughter!reader a/n: hi!! thank you sm for reading my other stuff, and yes ofc! so this was originally meant to be a drabble, but as you can see from the word count i got carried away. i had an idea and then i just kept writing it, and i couldn't stop. honestly clarisse x hephaestus!daughter is a favorite pairing of mine i love ares children with hephaestus children! ok thanks sm for requesting, i hope i did your request justice! warnings: enemies to lovers, weird transition from enemies to lovers, making out, mentions of getting stabbed, mention of weapons, secret relationship wc: 2k+

a child of ares and a child of hephaestus getting together isn't impossible, and also definitely not unheard of, but it's also definitely not common.

ares kids and hephaestus kids have a sort of natural rivalry that they're sort of inducted into from the second they're claimed.

since hephaestus is married to aphrodite, and yet aphrodite is having a longstanding affair with ares, hephaestus kids tend to not trust ares kids very much.

that was how it was for clarisse and y/n for quite a while.

their relationship was as hostile as any other relationship between a hephaestus kid and an ares kid, but they just felt drawn to each other. there was just something there that they couldn't deny.

everything changed the day they first kissed. they had gotten into an argument after clarisse claimed that the armor that y/n had made for her was faulty.

y/n claimed this was 100% untrue, because she had made it herself, and she didn't half-ass armor making.

it was late in the day, early evening. y/n had finished her dinner early, since there was a sword that she had to have finished within the next two days, the production of which she was still very behind on.

clarisse had caught up with her and cornered her in the forge, and started making the angry accusations.

"the straps are loose, and the whole thing almost fell off me while i was getting stabbed at. i call that faulty, y/n," clarisse sneered.

y/n scowled at clarisse. "then you must've knocked them loose or something, because i know for a fact that i fastened on those straps myself, and they were not loose," there was a fierceness in her voice that would've made anyone else fall back, but only made clarisse get further in her face.

"they were loose, and i almost died because of it!" clarisse snapped back.

y/n rolled her eyes as she went to put her mallet back from pounding down on the metal to create the sword shape. "come on, clarisse, stop being so dramatic. you were in the sword practice area, you wouldn't have died,"

"you don't know that!"

"yes i do!"

the two paused their arguing and stared at each other. there had always been something electric between the two of them, that was something nobody was able to deny, not even the two of them.

after a few seconds of the stare down, clarisse surged forward, her feet stomping loudly on the ground of the forge as she pushed y/n up against the wall. her nostrils were flaring, and her eyes were full of fire.

and as much as she hated it, clarisse couldn't help but look down at y/n's lips.

they looked so deliciously kissable, and yet they were pulled into a sneer at clarisse. she did everything she could to banish the temptation to kiss y/n right now, because that was so not what was going to happen.

"get... off me," y/n breathed out, panting heavily. her teeth were clenched, and her eyes closed tightly, as if warding off unwelcome thoughts.

clarisse could understand the feeling.

clarisse didn't move. the two of them stayed where they were, eyes flicking between their lips and back up to the other's eyes.

eventually y/n closed her eyes again, tigher this time, saying, "clarisse, you need to get off me and leave or something is going to happen,"

clarisse stayed where she was.

the two of them continued to stare at each other for a few seconds, their breaths speeding up and hitting each other in the face, hot and harsh.

everything changed within the span of about two seconds.

surprisingly, it was y/n who surged forward first, her hands grabbing onto clarisse's face and pulling it close to hers, their lips making contact.

the second their lips touched, they both knew that their relationship would never be the same again. they weren't exactly sure how, because there was a good chance that they would just act like this never happened.

but right there, in the moment, they wanted to enjoy it as much as they could.

clarisse's hands found themselves snaking around y/n's waist, holding her tight and pulling the two of them closer together. y/n moved her hands from cradling clarisse's face to wrapping her arms around her neck.

the air in the camp forge felt hotter than y/n had ever experienced it being, and she knew it had nothing to do with the fires raging in the hearths, and much more to do with the daughter of ares, who was currently pressed up against her, kissing her with so much fervor it was making her dizzy.

they both pulled away for a millisecond with the intention of getting some air before going back in, both of them feeling hungry for the other, when of course, an interruption struck.

"y/n!" a voice called from the distance.

they both shoved away from each other dramatically, y/n accidentally banging her hip as she tried to jump backwards, unaware that she was as far back as she could go. they made eye contact for a few more seconds, staring into each other's eyes with the kind of intensity that would even make the gods quiver.

"y/n!" the voice called out again, causing y/n to avert her eyes from clarisse, being worried that if she looked at her for even a second more, she wouldn't be able to look away.

when the voice finally entered the forge, it was revealed to be one of her siblings, looking for her for advice on something to do with a weapon they made.

when y/n's brother entered the forge, he could immediately feel the tension in the space. he shrank unto himself, noticing that clarisse, the widely known volatile daughter of ares, and his older sister, who had a rather funny look on her face. come to think of it, clarisse had the same funny look on her face. like they'd been caught doing something they shouldn't have, but that couldn't be. he couldn't even fathom a thing they would be doing together that would be wrong.

he then saw clarisse's caught expression morph into one of anger. she snapped to get y/n's attention, before saying with as much conviction as she could muster, "just make sure the next armor isn't faulty. i would prefer not to die, and even if i did, i'm sure you don't want it to be your fault,"

and even though this was clarisse who was talking, there was less conviction in her voice than she had hoped. in fact, it almost sounded a little weak. like she was out of breath. which she most definitely was not. no way did a simple kiss rob her of her breath.

(it most definitely did)

y/n stumbled through walking her younger brother through what he had asked, only half focusing on his questions and giving half-thought out answers. she knew she was going to regret that when he tried to forge whatever it was he was wanting to create the next day, but at the moment, y/n couldn't find it in herself to care.

she had just kissed clarisse la rue, and she was sure it had been the best kiss of her life. granted, there hadn't been many, but she couldn't imagine another kiss topping the one she had just experienced.

there was only one problem.

the best kiss of her life had been with... who it had been with.

the next week was particularly awkward between the two. the usual animosity that had come to be expected at camp half blood between an ares child and a hephaestus child was absent between the two, and instead they avoided each other at all costs.

y/n spent most of her time in the forge, crafting anything but the specific style of armor that she knew clarisse favored, and instead found herself self-consciously forging beautiful spears that, despite the expert craftsmanship, she knew would never rival the spear that clarisse's father had given her.

her siblings were becoming increasingly worried about her, since she hardly ever left the forge. when she did, she seemed preoccupied, and irritated about something. they had asked what was going on, but she had refused to disclose anything.

similarly, clarisse was doing everything she could to keep y/n out of her head as well.

she hardly ever left the training fields. she was singing dummies with her magical spear left and right, day and night. specifically the first day after the kiss, people would see clarisse violently taking down whole fleets of dummies within seconds, and were hesitant to train that particular day.

clarisse took more breaks than y/n did, mostly because she wasn't able to spend every waking moment at the training areas, partially because her body wouldn't allow it, and also the harpies that patrolled the camp at night weren't particularly fond of it. if clarisse had the energy to fight them off, she might've attempted it, but considering she spent most of her days training her body in an attempt to train her mind away from thinking about y/n, all that she could really do was sleep.

over time, though, the two of them were forced together in certain situations.

since they were both the heads of their respective cabins, whenever the counselors of each cabin were needed, they needed to be in the same room, and they had to be accustomed to that.

they were also shoved together quite a lot when their campers got into tousles, which happened quite often considering the animosity that was practically drilled into their heads from the second they were claimed and put in their right cabins.

to say that their relationship was complicated would be a gross understatement.

there was something that drew the two together, often finding themselves in situations that could rarely be explained.

like the time about a month after the forge incident (that neither of them had told anyone about) when they both went to the bathroom at the same time unknowingly, and found themselves mere centimeters from each other.

"do you ever think about it?" clarisse asked. it occurred to her that she had no memory of getting this close to y/n, but she wasn't really complaining.

before the kiss they at least interacted. it was mostly negative, with the two yelling at each other or complaining about the other for whatever reason, but they were near each other quite often due to this. after the kiss, and after the two started avoiding each other like a damn hellhound, that clarisse was really missing her company.

she was starting to think that maybe she had only ever bickered with y/n to get the scraps of her attention that she was desperate for.

there were times when this sounded like a completely logical explanation, and there were also times when clarisse had this thought and she forced herself to banish it, telling herself that she didn't need y/n's attention. why would she? they had never been friends, had never even really been acquaintances.

and yet, throughout a lot of clarisse's life, y/n had been one of the only constants.

the first day clarisse showed up at camp half blood, she was there, welcoming her. though clarisse had been rather hostile to her that day, which now that she thinks about it, may have been what caused their more intense rivalry, y/n still insisted on showing her around the camp, showing her all of her personal favorite spots.

"think about what?" the sound of y/n's voice broke clarisse from her trance, and brought her back to the present.

clarisse blinked once, and then y/n was in focus again. clarisse sharply inhaled at really seeing y/n up close, seeing all the intricate details of her face.

she was sure she had never seen anything so beautiful.

"the kiss," clarisse clarified. her fingers, as if with a mind of their own, began seeking out y/n's fingers. "because i do," she murmured. the tips of their pointer fingers touched, and it was as if electricity zinged up their spines. "i don't really want to," clarisse admitted, her head turning to the side as she did everything she could to avoid looking y/n in the eyes. "but i do. i can't help it."

y/n cleared her throat, utterly shocked at clarisse's admission "sometimes... sometimes i think about it, too," she confessed. "o-occasionally,"

the two were silent for a few seconds, before clarisse finally gathered up the courage to look y/n in the eye again. the eye contact was searing, and intense, and before they knew it, the two were leaning closer to each other.

there was no denying it anymore, since they had both admitted it.

they didn't know what happened, when it happened, or even why it happened, but there was something between them. something that was magnetic and uncontrollable... and somewhat addicting.

they were milliseconds away from kissing. their lips were just barely grazing, when the sound of voices startled the two apart.

as electric as the two of them felt around each other, they both knew that this was the sort of situation they didn't want to be caught in.

this need to not be caught like this was only furthered when it was a group of aphrodite girls that walked into the bathroom, looking at the two of them curiously, instantly clocking how close the two were standing. they obviously noted the taut tension in the room, and clarisse and y/n watched as the girls' eyes flitted between the two of them, their previous conversation having come to a halt.

clarisse, so fast y/n wasn't sure she hadn't just disappeared into thin air, turned around and slammed the stall door behind her, locking it with a heavy click.

y/n was left there with a shocked expression on her face, staring at the aphrodite girls, looking a lot like a deer caught in headlights.

she hesitated for only a second more before pushing past them and leaving the bathroom all together. she felt slightly guilty about leaving clarisse in there, but she was the one who had abandoned her first, so she didn't feel too bad about it.

after this, everything changed for clarisse and y/n.

they started meeting up in secret to spend time with each other away from camp. this spending time with each other consisted of talking together, laughing together, and yes... kissing.

it took a while for them to become official, but when they did, they both found themselves happier than they had been in a while.

it was noticeable, too. almost everyone at camp, chiron and mr. d included, that the two were acting... happier.

there was just something in the air around the two of them. whenever they were close to each other, it felt like the air became electric. no one could really place what was happening, since y/n. and clarisse had decided to keep their relationship a secret... at least for the start.

it was a complicated decision they made. people often forget that camp half blood is a large collection of teenagers. and teenagers like to gossip.

it's not exactly uncommon for two demigods to get together, and then everyone has something to say about it, which puts a strain on the new relationship.

it was y/n who suggested the idea.

"i just think... i want to enjoy this," she said while twirling a strand of clarisse's hair around her finger. she adjusted herself where her back was leaned against the rough bark of the tree in the woods at camp. clarisse was laying down as well, with her head in y/n's lap. "i mean, you've seen what happens. everybody has their own opinion, and then they get into fights and then they break up," y/n took a deep breath. "i really don't want that to happen to us,"

clarisse was quiet for a minute, her eyes flitting around at the trees and leaves and branches above her head. "okay," she said. "i don't want that to happen to us either. i want to enjoy us," she said.

y/n smiled, leaning down to give her a kiss on the forehead. she started to lean back up, but clarisse kept hold of her cheeks and pulled her down for a kiss on the lips. they both smiled into it, giggling slightly, enjoying being the teenage girls that they are.

so there they sat, enjoying each other's presence. enjoying being in love, although they hadn't said those three large words quite yet, but they would before long.

because the gods knew that these two were hopelessly in love with each other, and were going to be together for quite a while.

#percy jackson #clarisse la rue #clarisse larue #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse larue x reader #clarisse la rue imagine #clarisse la rue x you #clarisse la rue x y/n #clarisse la rue fluff #clarisse la rue enemies to lovers #enemies to lovers #❛ xanasaurusrex ༉‧₊˚

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theidiotwhowritesthings · 6 months

Text

Take Care of You [10]

Sugar Daddy!Joel Miller x Female!Reader

Overall Warnings: slow burn, angst/comfort, power imbalance, age gap, possessive tendencies, eventual smut, #daddyissues, independent reader learns to let go and relax, emotionally constipated Joel Miller learns to be vulnerable; (more specific warnings to be added to individual chapters if necessary)

Chapter Word Count: 5.7k

Mood board and borders by @saradika

Summary: You spent your entire adult life supporting yourself and barely getting by. It’s why a life of ease offered to you by a mysterious stranger sounded so foreign and unbelievable. Joel Miller, dressed in flannels that had seen better days, didn’t look like the kind who could promise you the world on a plate, but he seemed desperate to help out. All he asks is that you let him take care of you. That wouldn’t be so hard. Would it?

[A/N: 🤡. I came back to life to immediately die off again i'm so sorry. here take this next part and all my love. speaking of my love, i already closed beta readers on tiktok but for anyone on here, if you wanna see why i've been so MIA, shoot me a message with your email if you wanna beta read my original work (i do ask that you do a questionnaire afterwards but that's just to help me out). But, imagine a scifi/fantasy where the book 'Six of Crows' meets 'The Last of Us', and I have good sources that y'all like TLOU👀]

[A/N pt.2: I did not edit this to the degree I should have and there is no tag list at the bottom i am so so so so sorry].

10: THE EVIDENCE IS PRETTY DAMNING

The ceiling wasn’t right.

That was your first, foggy thought when your eyes opened. Rather than the bumpy, plaster speckles collecting dust it was smooth and off white. You slowly sat up with a groan, head spinning and mouth dry, and you blinked three times before your situation dawned on you. This was not your bed, not your house. Fuck. You set your hands on the bed to lean back then winced. With a hiss, you pulled your hand up and saw the bandaged injury from last night.

You cradled the hand with your other and turned to hang your legs over the edge of the bed. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a note on the nightstand. You leaned over. There was a full water bottle and a bottle of tylenol resting on top of a piece of paper. On the paper, in scratchy, nearly illegible, writing was, ‘Come downstairs when you’re ready. Feel free to use the shower and change if you want. ⏤Joel’. You dragged your fingers to trace the words.

With a shaky breath, you grabbed the water bottle and took a couple pills in hopes to nurse the aches and pains you felt. You stared at the words again. Last night, Joel admitted to being married to Sarah’s mom and you had responded by passing the fuck out. You had tried to argue, demand more information, but your body fought against your curiosity. All the drinks you had prior and the fading adrenaline from the fight probably hadn’t helped.

You rose from the bed with a groan and crossed to use the bathroom adjoined to Joel’s bedroom. When you flicked the lights on, you took the first movement to glance around the space. The walls were beige with white tile floors. On one side was a large jacuzzi style tub next to an expansive walk in shower. On the other was ample counter space and drawers with matching him and her sinks. In the back was the small room where the toilet sat and beyond that a walk in closet. The space was lived in. A dirty clothes basket off to the side half full, toiletries on the counter and on the shelves in the shower, you spotted a pair of glasses you had never seen Joel wear resting by the sink on the right side of the counter. That must be the one Joel used most. A toothbrush sat by it and you noticed water by the rim like he hadn’t wiped up when finished.

Also on the counter were a stack of clothes, you stepped toward it and saw it was a t-shirt and pair of sweatpants that must have belonged to him. On top of it was a brand new toothbrush. Your gaze lifted to look at yourself in the mirror and you flinched. You looked a mess⏤ your hair, your clothes, everything. You rubbed at your face with a sigh and slipped into a morning time routine despite the unfamiliar setting.

Celina.

The name rang in your head over and over and over again. It didn’t matter that you had been only half with it last night. You remembered that clearly. As you cleaned up, your headache began to improve and by time you left the bathroom you at least felt human again. A new anger bubbled just under your skin. You couldn’t quite yet put your anger into words, but you knew it was there. After washing up, you traded the clothes you wore to the bar for the ones Joel left you. The shirt was worn out, like it was aged, and navy in color. It read ‘Miller’s Contracting’ with a number on it for contact. It reminded you of the kind of shirt a small company would make and not a multi-million dollar one. You tightened the waistband of Joel’s sweatpants. They were at least joggers so you didn’t have to worry about tripping over yourself.

You crossed the upstairs, open space to the stairs. Faintly, you heard the sound of someone moving around downstairs. A brief wave of nervousness had you hesitating at the top of the stairs, but it slipped away back to anger. It seemed that was where your heart was making camp this morning.

Slowly, you descended the stairs. The wooden floors under your feet didn’t creak or make noise as you padded into the living room first. A few couches were situated in front of a wall that held a large flat screen TV and a fireplace. The back wall was made of glass, a window and door all in one that revealed the back patio where a small pool and deck were, and the space beside it was the kitchen. Just as open as the rest of Joel’s house. The cabinets were made of dark wood with matching countertops and at the center was a large island with chairs.

On the island counter looked like to-go boxes of food. You stared at them a moment longer, but a door hidden just out of view on the wall in the kitchen opened. Joel stepped into the kitchen nonchalantly until he spotted you and did a double take. He froze and stared. The two of you were actually similarly dressed. He had on a t-shirt that looked tight on his broad shoulders and a pair of sweatpants that hung low on his hips. Joel looked exhausted.

“Hey.” He said softly. “Mornin’, sug⏤” Joel stopped himself, it looked like he choked on his words, but he locked his jaw and changed direction. “Mornin’. How did you sleep?” You gave a small shrug and a tight lipped smile. “Right. How’s your…” Joel lifted his own hand. “Your hand?”

You lifted it up to stare down at it. The bandages had been pulled away when you washed up this morning. It didn’t look so bad. “It’s fine. Thanks for the⏤ the tylenol. And the toothbrush. And the,” You motioned to the clothes hanging off your frame, “You know.”

“Can I?” Joel nodded toward you.

“I said, it’s fine, Joel.”

“I…” He sighed and the look in his eyes was agonizing. “I know you’re pissed at me. Understandably so. But, please let me…”

You walked over to sit down at one of the tall chairs at the island counter and set your hand on the marble top. Joel mumbled a quiet ‘thank you’ and disappeared for a quick second. He was back with a small first aid kit again. You twisted your lips when you felt his warm hand cautiously take yours. It was quiet as he reapplied a bit of medicine to the hand before wrapping it up again.

“You don’t…” Joel started then cleared his throat. You never would have used the word anxious to describe the Joel you had gotten to know thus far, but nervous energy seemed to radiate off him. The tension in his shoulders looked painful to keep hold of. “I had breakfast delivered. Some stuff I know you like.” Joel pulled his hand away from yours. “But you don’t have to stay if you don’t wanna.”

“No. I want to.” You replied. Joel looked briefly hopeful. “I want to talk about this. I want⏤ to know. I want answers.”

“Right. Of course.” Joel nodded quickly. “I owe you at least that.” You nodded in agreement. Joel straightened from where he stood and ran a hand over his chest and shoulder with a quiet cough. “Can I make you something to drink? Coffee, tea, juice?”

You gave a small nod, mumbling a response, and watched as Joel put it all together. He poured himself a cup of coffee after serving you. Rather than take the seat beside you, he stood on the other side of the island counter across from you.

“You mentioned the girl from Vegas last night briefly, but how did you know…”

“Yo-yo told me you had a sugar baby before me. That you married her.”

“I did have a sugar baby before you, yes.” Joel sighed.

“Why did you lie to me?” You demanded.

Joel shook his head, “I never lied to you. I just⏤ I never told you, and you never asked.”

“Really?” You scoffed. “That’s what you wanna hang your hat on here? Semantics?” Joel hung his head then shook it a bit. “I didn’t want to believe her, but yesterday Nima texted someone she knows. A private investigator⏤”

Joel’s eyes widened, “You hired a private investigator??”

“I didn’t hire anybody! Nima just texted them and they confirmed⏤”

“You went to a PI before just asking me?” Joel replied sharply. You leaned back in your seat⏤ in shock at his audacity. He must have noticed how you felt because he held up a hand. “I just mean, that’s a huge invasion of privacy and all you had to do was call me⏤”

You pushed out of your seat and turned to leave. Joel called out after you before following. He grabbed your hand to tug you to a stop and you glared at him over your shoulder. You snapped, “If you’re just going to stand there and be defensive then there’s no reason for me to be here, Joel.” You pulled your hand out of his grip and spun to face him. “I understand that getting in contact with a fucking PI was a crazy move, but yesterday I felt a little crazy.” You scoffed. “I felt like an idiot. I felt like a naive, desperate idiot who got played. So, yeah, I let Nima text her cousin’s cousin’s cousin to find an answer because the thought of standing in front of you and asking⏤”

The rest of your words got caught in your throat. You didn’t want to get emotional in front of Joel. More than anything you wanted to keep your cool and be collected. Just in case he did break your heart, you could walk away with at least some of your dignity intact. Joel took a step closer. Thankfully, he didn’t try to touch you, but he did lift his hands slightly in surrender.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m sorry.” He said. “I’m being defensive. Hell, I'm being an ass.” You locked your jaw and let your eyes focus on something over his shoulder. Unable to stare into those deep, dark eyes. “This is… This isn’t an easy subject for me to talk about and I⏤ I panicked. I want you to hear me out. I want you to know the truth.” He shifted in his stance so your gaze was forced to meet his. The longing there made you suck in a sharp breath. “Please. Give me another chance to explain this. I’ll do better.”

You rubbed the back of your neck with your non-injured hand and gave a small nod.

“Thank you. Thank you.” Joel repeated himself. He took a step back but kept his shoulders facing you as if he thought you were a flight risk. Joel motioned to his couch. “Do you wanna sit? I’ll grab our drinks.” You sighed and meandered over to sit down on one end of his leather couch. Joel didn’t move back into the kitchen until after you were seated. He came back with both of your drinks and handed you your own before sitting on the other side of the couch. One cushion of space between the two of you.

You took a sip, trying to gather your thoughts, before nodding once. “I want to know about your wife first. Celina, you said? I want to know about her.”

“Yeah.” Joel swallowed thickly. “Do you remember anything I mentioned about Sarah’s mom before?”

“I didn’t know her name.” You replied. “You said the two of you had dated for, like, three months?” Joel nodded. “She got pregnant, and you worked it out. Things were fine, but two weeks after Sarah was born she left. You never said the two of you got married though.”

“Because we didn’t.” Joel replied softly. “I asked. Proposed to her when we found out she was pregnant with Sarah, and she said no.” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but he wasn’t meeting your gaze anymore. Joel stared down at the coffee mug in his hands. “I loved her. She was my first real love, actually. I knew our situation wasn’t ideal, but… I wanted it to work. I saw a future with her.” Joel ran his thumb back and forth on the edge of his mug’s rim where it reached. He chuckled, “When Sarah was born… Those two weeks? It was⏤ It was good. But, uh, then she left.” Joel shrugged in a way that attempted nonchalance but did not meet the mark. “Her leaving hurt for a lot of reasons. For one, in no way was I prepared to take care of a newborn.”

You set your drink on the coffee table before leaning back. Joel stayed silent, his jaw clenching and unclenching, and you recognized the look of someone getting stuck in their own memories. You spoke up, “What happened then? When did you get married?”

“Celina is…” Joel began. He rubbed his jawline. “I spent a lot of time being furious with her⏤ hating her. Not just for leaving me behind, but for leaving Sarah. Sarah deserved better.” He shook his head. “But she… she came to me, needing help, and I⏤ I couldn’t say no. Not to her. And not because I still had any sort of feelings for her, but because no matter how angry I was at her she gave me Sarah.” A vulnerable softness filled his features and he finally lifted his head to meet your gaze fully. “Without Celina, I wouldn’t have Sarah.”

You could understand that. You knew that his daughters meant absolutely everything to Joel. More so, despite all the shit going on between the two of you right now, despite Joel arguing otherwise, you knew he was a good man. You had a very hard time picturing him saying no to anyone who came to him for help.

“When did she come to you? And why? What problem is solved with marriage?”

“Three years ago. Just about.” Joel mumbled. “It’s… She was sick. Cancer. The only feasible treatment was going to bankrupt her because her insurance refused to cover the cost. Celina came back wanting to see Sarah. Get to know her before she died.” Your eyes widened in surprise at both the news and the confusion that came with trying to connect the dots. “I told her that was up to Sarah⏤ she was old enough to make that decision for herself and I was gonna support her with whatever she chose.”

You nodded slowly, “Okay…”

“Sarah decided she did want to meet her mom. And I…” Joel paused. He set his coffee mug down on the coffee table as well and laced his fingers together. He was fidgeting. Another nervous tick of his. Joel could never seem to keep his hands still when he was caught in his own mind. It was like his hands so desperately wanted to fix what stressed him out⏤ even if it wasn’t a physical problem they could fix. “I⏤ I couldn’t stop thinking… remembering…”

Joel squeezed his eyes shut, and the palpable pain had you shifting closer. It dawned on you. Words clicking in your mind. You set a hand on his forearm and gave it a small squeeze, “Your mom.” Joel had told you, ages ago, that he had lost his own mother to cancer. “You lost her. I remember you telling me.”

“Yes.” Joel unlaced his own fingers so he could settle one hand on top of yours⏤ still resting on his forearm. The tip of his thumb dragged back and forth against the knuckle of your index finger. Tracing the shape of it. “It wasn’t… It wasn’t the exact same, I know that, but… Sarah technically had already lost her once.”

“Joel…”

“I offered to pay. Pay for the treatment in full.” Joel’s thumb stilled to squeeze your hand once. “I’d cover all the costs, but⏤ but Celina refused. Said she didn’t want,” Joel scoffed with a humorless laugh, “Didn’t want to be a ‘charity case’. Said she didn’t come back for my money, or for me to fix the problem, she came back for Sarah.” Joel shook his head. “We argued in circles for God knows how long. We finally settled on this. If we got married, she’d have my insurance instead of her own. My insurance would cover most of the treatments and she’d pay what it didn’t.”

You understood that. It matched up with what you knew about Joel. “How is she? Now?”

“In remission. Since seven months ago, she’s been in remission.” A small smile flickered on his features. “She lives in Waco. Wanted to be closer to Sarah. One of the only reasons I could stomach all of us coming to LA while Sarah stayed in Texas for college. I knew she’d at least have her there in case of emergencies.”

Your face scrunched in question, “Then why… Why are you still married?”

“I don’t have a reason. Not a real one. Not beyond me just being lazy.” Joel said firmly. He held your hand tight, keeping it pinned to his arm, like it was a lifeline. “Up until now, it didn’t matter to me. It made no difference. That’s it. I swear to you, sugar.” The nickname fell out of his mouth like second nature. “And I’m working on changing that already. You can ask Tommy or⏤ or hell I’ll give you Celina’s number or our lawyer’s number. We started the official divorce paperwork the day you and I got back from Vegas. It was the first call I made after dropping you off at your place.”

You did believe him. As Joel held your gaze, all you could see in those soulful eyes was a deep desperation. An ache seeking the comfort that would come with reassurance. “I believe you.” You said softly and his eyes closed in relief. His entire body sagged as the tension seeped out of it. You really did believe him, and of all the ways this could’ve gone wrong technically you supposed this was the best case scenario. However, learning this made you realize what aspect of this bothered you more than most. You slid your hand out from under his. “Why… Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I was… I was going to. After.”

“Why though? Why after?” You shook your head. “Why didn’t you trust me with this?” Joel’s face fell again. “I know we haven’t known one another for long, but…” You bit back your words before you admitted to the naive truth that you felt some sort of connection to him. That being with him was as easy as breathing and you foolishly let yourself get carried away. “I don’t…”

Joel quickly scooted closer, a hand held up in surrender, “Had nothing to do with⏤ with me not… I do trust you. I do.” Joel shook his head. “Me not mentioning this had nothing to do with you. It was me.” His words reminded you of Vegas. This excuse was sounding familiar and the more you heard it the harder it was to believe. He hung his head and winced. “I need to tell you about⏤ about Erina.”

“That’s…” You began. “Is that your sugar baby?

“Yeah.” Joel nodded. “But it was more complicated than that.”

“So, I’m gathering.” You mumbled. The words of frustration left your lips before you could filter them. In this situation, you felt you had every right to be upset and bitter, but the look of pained guilt that filled Joel’s features made every cell in your body vibrate with regret. It felt like you had just kicked a puppy, and those sad, brown eyes were heart wrenching. “Sorry.”

Joel shook his head quickly. “No. Don’t. You don’t need to be sorry. I do.”

“You’re talking to me⏤ answering my questions.” You replied with a small shrug. “The least I can do is not be petty.” You twisted your lips. “So? Tell me about her.”

“She wasn’t my sugar baby to begin with.” Joel started softly. He turned his head to keep his gaze on the mug sitting on the coffee table, and you found the story easier to stomach without those powerful eyes focused on you. “My company got hired for a job. It was a big one, which is why it came across my desk. Some summer project. A finance guy wanted his vacation house completely renovated in Malibu. I decided to take a more hands on position for the entire thing. Stayed on site to work.” It wasn’t a shock to hear. You were plenty aware that Joel spent most of his work time on site if he could. Joel only donned a tie for the board room when Tess wrestled him into it. “The guy who hired us wasn’t there, but his wife was. At least, I thought it was his wife.”

“But it wasn’t.”

Joel gave out a sad chuckle, “No. She wasn’t. Erina was… lively and energetic. She was fun, and I… It had been a long time since I experienced that kind of light hearted fun. Plus, the client, when he did come around, was such an asshole to her and I⏤” Joel sighed. “She left him midway through the project, but we didn’t get involved with one another until after it was over. When it started, it was great. The honeymoon phase was…” His voice trailed off as a small, sad smile crossed his face. You found your stomach churn in jealousy at him talking about this other woman. It was damn near nonsensical, but the emotion rose up regardless. “The issues started a while in. I realized that we saw the relationship differently. I thought… I thought what we had was real, and she only saw me as her new sugar daddy.”

For a while, we just went on. I didn’t think the difference in how we viewed things would matter. Stupid, I know, but… I thought I was happy.” Joel mumbled the last bit. He lifted a hand to rub at his jawline. “As you’ve probably figured out, I’m not⏤ I’m not good at this. Relationships and…” He tensed. “Some people are just better off alone, but I’ve been too hard headed to accept that.”

“Joel.” You interrupted the flow of his story at his claim. You didn’t believe that and you especially refused to believe it about Joel. “That’s not⏤”

“Things were still working until I…” Joel shook his head. “I told her about Celina. Tried to explain the situation to her, but when she told me to get divorced and I couldn’t⏤ that’s when it all started to crumble. I didn’t actually end the relationship until after I found out she was seeing a few other guys.” You opened your mouth the speak, the beginnings of a sentence you didn’t know how to end slipping from your tongue, but Joel suddenly turned in his seat to face you and the look in his eyes silenced any attempt at speech. He hesitantly reached out and let his hand settle on top of yours. When you didn’t pull away, he squeezed his grip tighter. “You and Erina are not the same. It wasn’t until after we stopped seeing one another that I realized how terrible our relationship had been. So please, please, don’t think I’m comparing you to her because I’m not. I know how she reacted is not some⏤ some default and you wouldn’t necessarily react the same, but… but every time I considered telling you about Celina, all I could imagine was you leaving. And I, selfishly, stopped myself from admitting the truth to you because I didn’t want to ruin this the way I ruin everything else.”

You murmured his name. Early on, you recognized Joel had trust issues, but you had never realized it stretched this far. Joel didn’t trust even himself. It broke your heart that he thought so poorly of himself. No matter how upset you were at the man you knew deep down he was a good. His mistake had hurt you, but it hadn’t been born of malice. You saw that now. Fear and self doubt had brought the two of you to this crossroads.

“Joel, that isn’t true.” You said softly. “You don’t ruin everything.”

“The evidence is pretty damning.” Joel chuckled sadly. You opened your mouth to argue, but he shook his head quickly and held out a hand to stop you. “That’s not the point of… I should’ve told you. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I should’ve told you, been up front about it all, and I’m sorry.” Joel sighed. “I’m sorry, sugar.”

He had answered a number of your questions and with the truth came the relief of knowing. Plus, the answer technically hadn’t been your worst case scenario. God knew your brain was plenty capable of thinking up some nightmare-ish situations. So in comparison, it would be worse. Still, there was an itch that hadn’t quite yet been scratched.

“Why… Why seek out a new sugar baby?” You asked. His experience with Erina had obviously been less than ideal so why try again? You shook your head, “Why me?”

“Those are two very different questions.”

“How do you figure that?”

“I …” Joel began hesitantly. You could see his thoughts jumbling in his mind as he struggled to string one along. Conversations like this were hardly considered Joel’s comfort zone so you did appreciate that he was trying. That went a long way as well. “Erina came back into my life not so long ago.” You felt your stomach drop and your heart clench painfully. The emotional response was so physical that it nearly made you sick. Joel must have noticed because he quickly reached out and settled a hand on your shoulder. “No. Not like that. She means nothing to me. She came to me wanting to get back together, harassing me about it, but I’ve made it crystal clear to her and everyone around us that I have no interest in restarting something with her. Especially now.”

“Okay…”

“The idea was…” Joel winced sheepishly. “The idea was to hire a sugar baby as a way to show her that I was serious. We were done and I was moving on.” It was ridiculous enough that from anyone’s else mouth you wouldn’t have believed them, but they had been said in Joel’s sincerity. “I know how that sounds.”

“Not good. It sounds not good.”

“I know. Everyone told me it was a bad idea. Tess, Sarah, Ellie.” You found it interesting that his daughters knew about their father’s love life to that degree. It spoke to how close they were and his stance on honesty. Joel chuckled. “Actually, the only person who agreed with me on the plan was Tommy, but I suppose that should’ve been a sign to give it up.” Your lips twitched up mildly in amusement. “But, deep down I knew it would hurt Erina, and I… I wanted to be petty.”

You shrugged, “And I’m apart of this… how? To annoy Erina?”

“No.” Joel said firmly, almost roughly. “Absolutely not. Remember the day you bought me that coffee? I said I had been meeting with some other, um, women?” You nodded and let him continue. “By time I made it to the that coffee shop, I had already half decided to give up the idea. It was obviously going poorly. I was literally just looking for someone I wouldn’t mind spending time with and I couldn’t even do that. But you were… God, meeting you felt like a breath of fresh air.” He messily ran a hand through his hair while his other continued to fidget. “You stayed on my mind and when I spotted you again…”

“I…” You tried to find the right words. The ones he would want to hear. It felt odd to give forgiveness for a misunderstanding, but you knew that’s what he was seeking. Validation. “I forgive you.”

The relief on Joel’s face was staggering and when he held a hand out to you, you knew exactly what he was asking for. You closed the space and let him pull you into a hug. His warm, large hands enveloped you as he craddled the back of your head to hold you as closely to him as you could. You wrapped your own arms around him and lazily dragged your thumb up and down where it rested.

You did forgive him for this. That was the truth and you meant it with your whole heart, but this entire experience was eye opening. You had fallen for Joel so dangerously fast. It made you realize that if this had been a different scenario, one of the nightmare-ish ones you imagined, it would’ve destroyed you. With the speed you were moving in, you would’ve hit the ground at a million miles per hour and shattered. You forgave Joel, but you needed to figure out a way to better guard your heart.

“I’m sorry for reaching out to a PI.”

“No. Don’t be.” Joel pulled back and the hand at the back of your head dragged forward to cup the side of your face. He sighed, “You were right. I should’ve handled this better, but I… I do appreciate you saying so.” The two of you sat in a moment of silence and for the first time since you met him that silence felt awkward. Joel must have felt it as well based on the clearing of his throat and fidgeting. “So… Are we— Are we okay?”

You nodded, “I think so.” The tension left Joel’s shoulders and you quickly stood. “I should… I should go.”

“You’re off today though, aren’t you?” Joel stood as well.

“Well, yeah, but—”

“Stay. Please.” Joel motioned back to the kitchen. “Have breakfast. I called Tommy and he’s gonna bring over your stuff.” Your eyes widened in surprise and he shrugged. “Tommy is gonna bring over your friend who has your stuff I should say.”

You hesitated, nervous after this heart to heart, but Joel held out a hand to you. Equally a peace offering and lifeline. You just weren’t sure if it was a lifeline for you or him. You set your hand in his and he gave it a small squeeze. The smile on his face was soft and open. Two words you knew not many people were able to claim as a description with him.

Joel led you back toward the kitchen and when you turned to try and go back for your mug he stopped you. He settled you on one of the bar stools, hands lingering on your hips briefly, before going back to the living room for both your mugs.

“You know, when I pictured you spending the night here this wasn’t quite how I thought it’d go.” Joel chuckled and grabbed a plate. You leaned on the counter and waited since you knew that plate he was making was meant for you. It took a second for his words to dawn on you. Joel pictures you spending the night in his home with him? Your face and neck warmed at the thought. It wasn’t like you hadn’t had those kinds of ideas, but hearing it from him still made your heart flutter. Even with the disaster miscommunication still lingering in your rear view mirror. “Here. Lemme know if you want anything else.” Joel set the plate in front of you and handed you a fork. After making his own plate, he pulled the barstool beside you closer and sat down. He sat sideways to face you and his knee pressed against your stool. “We could, uh, we could have a day in.”

“Hm?” You took a bite of your food.

“We’re both in pajamas and neither of us have work.”

“You don’t have work?” You asked in surprise.

Joel shook his head. “I already called Tess and told her I wasn’t coming in today. Told her I was feeling sick.”

“Did she actually believe you?” You smirked.

“No.” Joel chuckled. “She didn’t. But she also didn’t call me out on my shit, so…”

He gave you a charming smile, obviously trying to lighten the mood, and you found you appreciated it. Things weren't perfect, but for the sake of what had been you were willing to try.

#joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #the last of us fanfiction #sugar daddy!joel miller x reader #sugardaddy!joel miller #i forgot what tags i used to use #oh lord #uh #reader insert #joel miller

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