#also finally gave her a proper outfit lmao i love the designs i saw where she wears xena-style armor. her eyes are up there!!

[srapsodia]

1/2 of Revenge Plot completed <3

[literaphobe]

season four of she-ra rated by catradora content

the coronation: okay so... rightfully. there’s nothing i should be appraising here. adora and catra didn’t interact or bring each other up at all. but bro... catra’s new outfit... the best character of season four. i’m kidding but also she is so hot. catra seems to be dealing w the portal incident by framing it as a victory, since the rebellion was hurt by it. but also who cares. who fucking cares man. her arc this episode was about her deciding to make hordak her little bitch and design a new sexy outfit. that adora did NOT talk about nor seem visually affected by >:( yes, this entire season will be measured by how much i think it was a missed opportunity that adora did not get to thirst. jk but also am i? 500000000/10 for catra’s new look, 0/10 for official catradora stuff

the valley of the lost: god...... this episode. i know it’s like one of the few catradora moments we have this season already but it makes me LIVID that adora said that flirty ass line and catra never even got to hear it. anyway, let’s begin properly. double trouble seeks catra out and says they’re gonna be her new best friend. catra says “oh, yeah? i’m done with best friends”, making it official that she and adora broke up 😔 like friend broke up oh my god 😔 KFKSKDKD like we been knew but i think it is so dramatic and funny of catra to announce that she’s never having a best friend again because adora broke her heart 😔💔 i mean i know it’s also like sad but let’s keep it light ok uwu anyway. sigh. double trouble! auditions for catra! by pretending to be her in battle! which is great for them, but not for me and my hang ups about adora bringing back a flirty line catra said to her in season one and winking and then catra doesn’t hear or see ANY of it. sigh. let’s go through the scene. adora sees who she thinks is catra run in and say “hey! careful with the goods”, pouncing on adora and taking her down. adora tosses dt!catra into the walkway above and they get a cut on their face. not sure whether this is meant to signify adora pulling less of her punches around catra or double trouble just not being as agile as catra is in combat. it’s probably the latter because when you think about it, throwing catra away is much more of a defensive tactic than an offensive one. anyway! double trouble still does a more or less good job fighting adora as catra. huntara calls adora over and is like hi adora! could you stop fighting ur gf for one fucking second? we need you to do literally anything else. and adora (who has NO IDEA she’s not fighting her ACTUAL gf) is like :( wait no what really?? ok :( one sec tho lemme pull off this super cool sexy farewell thing before i stop fighting catra i’ve been practicing it for years u kno kinda been working up to doing this bit. and then she. grabs dt!catra after stopping them from running away, and grabs this trap thingy to trap them against the side of this wall. “i got something more important to do :) it was fun distracting you though ;)” and she actually WINKS and she looks SO PROUD of her damn self but it means pretty much NOTHING because that’s not ACTUALLY catra :( wtf :( the worst thing about this whole situation is that adora clearly wanted to do her whole super strong super powered thing and then go BACK to catra and like.... gloat or something.... flirt some more.... kiss her.... i don’t know. but dt!catra is gone because they’re good at getting out of tight spots, and adora is like “how did she get out of that? :( i wanted to see more of her tf....” anyway double trouble, scorpia, and catra are escaping in a skiff after this. catra thinks double trouble did marvelously. “i grew up with adora, and you fooled her” well catra. i’m very sorry. but if i were adora seeing you in that new look for the first time, i wouldn’t be checking to see if u were ooc. i would be.... hm idk.... flirting with you as hard as possible? like i know i complained that we never got a proper reaction from adora re catra’s new outfit, but i think we could interpret this scene as a lapse in adora’s morals <3 like she gave catra such a hard stare the last time they saw each other, and the next time they saw each other (after this) adora glared at her too, but somehow this time she’s all 👅👅👅👅👅it was fun distracting you ;) ;) ;) like ok. slow down there horn dog. “if you can do that, we can do anything. this is gonna be fun...” catra :( perhaps you would have more fun :( if you suggestively fought with adora :( yourself? :( 8/10

flutterina: catra’s having bad dreams :( her mistakes and past actions are haunting her and the guilt is messing her up so bad :( so what am i choosing to focus on? the fact that adora was in her dream :) dream!adora looks Angry and dream!catra is scared and backing away :( a quick callback to when adora gave catra an angry Look when she destroyed the portal, and catra looked scared for a second before her face hardened back to something equally pissed off looking. so this dream obviously tells us that the thought of adora genuinely just hating and being pissed off at catra... hurts and scares her. because we all know that she loves adora and just wants adora to love her back! but.... ya lmao. dream!adora asks “why did you do it?!” reminiscent of what she said last season, but angrier this time. and we all know that catra doesn’t really know why. sometimes things torture you so bad and you do stuff that you can’t come up with sound or logical reasons for. u would rather keep running or keep deflecting, and so catra deflects dream!adora’s questions by waking up. i wonder if catra dreams about adora more than what we’re shown in this scene. i also REALLY wanna know if adora dreams of catra. i want more :( why this season gotta be the fucking break up season bro :( like i KNOW they’re thinking of each other. gimme the content :( for now, let’s skip ahead to💔 their only real interaction this season💔 holy fuck. stay strong u guys. stay strong me. i think it’s very offensive of she-ra to not give me a catradora heavy season every season? like yeah this season is good but god at what cost? they should’ve known i was going to do an evaluation? :/ that i was gonna rate each ep out of ten according to how much catradora content there was? :/ the fuck bros. ,,,,anyway, let’s get to the actual scene. catra’s walking around w an ipad and scorpia is talking to her. catra looks like. v serious and :| and >:/ BUT when scorpia asks about she-ra catra becomes >:) and >:D “she-ra was in elberon, which means she’s nearby.” “do you think she’ll try some secret attack? :0” “;D oh i’m counting on it ;)” fucking god catra can you just flirt normally??? like be horny in a normal way??????? u can just ask adora out on a date. have u tried that? i know she blocked u for nearly destroying the world but adora’s a hoe ❤️ she would’ve said yes ❤️ u don’t need to kidnap a town as an excuse to see her ❤️ yes i know she did it to plant flutterina!DT into the rebellion as a spy but shhhhh ❤️ we finally get to the most GORGEOUS “hey adora”,,, ever because it’s the only hey adora of this season 💔 i looked back and we did not get a ‘hey adora’ last ep. honestly, adora should’ve figured it wasn’t catra JUST from the lack of greeting. catra is fucking POLITE ok :( anyway. it’s so homophobic that we only got ONE “hey adora” in THAT LOOK but..... it’s okay. because it’s such a good one. catra’s hand is propping her face up and she just looks so pretty.... the way she SAYS the hey adora too like bros... how we holding up? bad? she’s posing and lounging so prettily... “took you long enough to show up” HHHHH why does she sound like a gf who’s a little :/ that her gf showed up late for their date.... bro....... must she SMILE that prettily..... also adora’s reaction... she goes :0 and her EYES get this like ‘oh wow’ look for a Moment right before she remembers she’s supposed to be mad when she sees catra then she’s like >:( CATRA >:( and like. let’s dissect that look for a moment? it’s almost like AWE but why??? why would she be at all surprised to see catra??? catra is IN the horde like. she got happy for a moment until she remembered she’s meant to be mad. good bye <3 i will now be passing away <3 “seriously. i thought i’d have to kidnap another town to get your attention” TO GET. YOUR ATTENTION. HHHHH HELP THEY’RE GAY...... BRO WHY.............. THE GAYNESS UNMATCHED..... anyway catra continues like OH RIGHT u were at a PARTY feeling SPECIAL and adora.... oof oh fuck she COLD she was like skip the SPEECH i’m done playing your GAMES and she like reminds catra of the portal and they just... oof this really IS the breakup season it’s so brutal bros :( can’t they just kiss :( like nooooo don’t stare at each other angrily you’re so sexy aha OK BUT... at the end after catra runs away and adora’s getting hugged by flutterina and everyone’s cheering for her... she lets her ‘catra BAD’ and ‘yay haha rebellion for the win! :)’ facade drop for a moment... and she gets this really sad look on her face that makes u think.... and the next scene we see catra sitting on the ledge of where she and adora used to sit together? and she looks real upset too???? they hate being enemies. 9/10

pulse: in this ep adora fucking SHUSHED spinnerella and netossa while they were bickering and like... ok wow. rude :/ adora straight up was like ok HAHA WOW we GET IT ur HAPPY y’all have WIVES and iiiiiii don’t HAVE a GIRLFRIEND because my crush is EVIL :( on the other hand, we find out that catra is meeting up regularly with double trouble to get intel. it’s very funny because she’s like yeah yeah WHATEVER what can u tell me about SHE-RA >:( like girl? u are not subtle ❤️ catra literally met double trouble and said let’s be friends with benefits ❤️ the benefits? you spy on adora and tell me everything about what she does ❤️ was she pretty today ❤️ haha jk she’s pretty everyday ❤️ here’s some bitcoin for your troubles ❤️ AND THEN the next time double trouble facetimes catra they transform into bow and glimmer to roast them and catra is at most unamused and annoyed but BUT when double trouble pretends to be she-ra catra’s like HAHAHAHDJSJDJSJD OMG,,,, INSPIRED FAM,,,, SO FUNNY TOP PEAK COMEDY,,,, ABSOLUTE LEGEND,,,,,, SHOW ME SHE-RA AGAIN,,,,, u know that thing where you find people who you’re attracted to way funnier than they actually are? ya :-) apparently catra doesn’t even need the Actual she-ra/adora to lose her shit. she just needs to see a physical representation of her and it’s suddenly Peak Comedy. someone once pointed out that this moment was the last time catra was happy all season and... can we take a fucking second to cry about that. haha 💔 anyway double trouble is happy that they finally cracked the code to making catra go from ARGH >:( to HAHAHAHAHAH :D so they give her she-ra intel as a treat ❤️ “she-ra’s going back out to destroy the bot that hurt her friend” “ugh 🙄 typical heroic adora plan” shut up bitch u dream of her lips on yours!!!!!! 7/10

protocol: no rights for white boys ❤️ 0/10

princess scorpia: well, nothing! but since i’m scouring i might as well say the line where catra says “you don’t need a princess in your life telling you what to do!” to hordak she’s actually talking about her and adora haha i mean duh :-) anyway since i’m here can i talk about how hot catra is again this season. i’m madly in love did y’all see her from behind? even her back view is beautiful i am going to combust <3 2/10

mer-mysteries: what a great episode! 0/10

boys’ night out: catra gets banned from doing war crimes because hordak wants to do the war crimes all by himself and this is a real bummer because there’s an even SMALLER chance she’ll bump into adora now :( jk ik she was avoiding her this season because the guilt was eating her alive haha :-) also glimmer and adora fought and we all know that ‘but the rebellion’s in a worse place than ever since you showed up’ is like a very :( line but when u think about it it’s true because adora joining the rebellion pissed catra off so much she became an antagonistic force driving most of the conflict in the series up to this point in the story JFJDDJDJDJ like imagine if they brought catra up in this convo ‘i’m doing my BEST glimmer :(‘ ‘ok but what can we do about your terrible taste in evil women????? was ur catgirl gf ex really worth it????? did she hit that different???? did the catgirl ***** slap that hard????’ 1.5/10

hero: man mara is so hot! 0/10

fractures: scorpia said catra’s name in front of adora... ‘shadow weaver! and at bright moon! everything is making so much sense about why catra’s been acting the way she has’ and adora’s reaction is so interesting.... she goes from this ‘catra....’ look to this ‘catra >:(‘ look and like it’s interesting to see catra’s psyche explained to adora like this and it’s clearly something that makes adora feel bad but then she remembers the bad stuff catra did and forces herself to focus on that. 5/10 for that alone lmao

beast island: bow being very upset and annoyed and disappointed in glimmer is a fun little parallel to how adora has felt about catra’s descent into the darkness. you feel doubly upset and doubly betrayed when someone you’re in love with goes against what you stand for, and the goodness you know they’re capable of but aren’t showing. 1/10

destiny part 1: ‘i’ll be happy when the rebellion and she-ra are gone for good!!!’ are u sure about that catra :/ 1/10

destiny part 2: catra gets into a huge fight with some dude and right after she sort of collects herself after barely beating him she hears “hey, catra” and she completely freezes up. she’s been so proactive with avoiding adora all season... and the moment in 4x03 nearly doesn’t count because she was acting specifically to get double trouble snuck into the rebellion. aside from a necessary interaction in which she was far away and removed from adora anyway.... where she was far enough away to smile and laugh and manipulate the situation.... she hasn’t wanted to see adora at all, clearly. and having this happen now, right after one of her worst fights, right after she thought she was going to win... “no. you can’t do this. you can’t come in and take this from me now.” “woah, i knew this would get a rise out of you, but still, you really are obsessed, aren’t you, kitten?” and catra’s standing there like 👁👄👁 until double trouble reveals themself and says stuff that :( hurts :( i am not going to repeat until i get to anything catradora relevant because i don’t wanna be bummed out ok hoes 😔 anyway double trouble becomes adora again and is like “didn’t need you... left you” and puts catra’s hand on adora’s cheek...... and then shoves catra???? rude :( 7/10

[sdohertys]

GENERAL:

NAME: Scarlett Marina Kaufman Doherty

NICKNAME: Some people call her Scar, much to her irritation. It’s not even a cute nickname.

BIRTHDAY: January 16

AGE: 34.

GENDER: Cis Female.

PLACE OF BIRTH: Petaluma, California.

PLACES LIVED SINCE: Oakland, CA; Walnut Creek, CA

CURRENT RESIDENCE: Walnut Creek, CA

NATIONALITY: American.

ETHNICITY: Ashkenazi Jewish.

PARENTS’ NAMES: Adina and Vadim Kaufman.

NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: None.

PERSONALITY TYPE: ESTP- A - THE ENTREPRENEUR

body image mention, abandonment, death (cancer)

RELATIONSHIP WITH FAMILY: Strained. One-sided. Basically non-existent. When Scarlett hit her teen years, she’d come to the conclusion that her mother wanted a child, but she didn’t want to be a mother to that child. Their conversations consisted mainly of Scarlett’s appearance and body image, pushing her to be the most prim and proper of ladies. Her mother never called her beautiful. Vadim, on the other hand, was never around to have a real conversation with his daughter, having gone out to meet with his mistress of the year. Might as well not even have a father. She’s cut herself off from her family to the point where she legally changed her last name so she could pretend she was not related to them. After getting many phone calls from her mom when she first moved away, Scarlett changed her phone number and blocked her mom from every social media platform.

CHILDHOOD TRAUMA: When Adina found out about her husband’s many affairs, she blamed Scarlett’s birth, having said that if she never gave birth to Scarlett perhaps her figure could still be desirable enough for her husband. She then proceeded to send ten year old Scarlett away to live with a Filipino couple in their mid-50s in Oakland, who raised her until she turned 17. Scarlett continued to feel unwanted by her own mother.

PHYSICAL:

HEIGHT: 5′4″

WEIGHT: 120 lbs.

BUILD: Slim and petite.

HAIR COLOR: Dark brown.

USUAL HAIR STYLE: She styles it differently every other day, but when she’s concentrating, she pulls it back in a high ponytail. When it’s down, the length is just two inches below her shoulder blades.

EYE COLOR: Her right eye is green-blue and her left eye is a hazel color.

GLASSES? CONTACTS?: Neither.

STYLE OF DRESS/TYPICAL OUTFIT(S): Scarlett dresses in very trendy, designer clothing. A casual coffee outfit would be a cream colored blouse with dark wash skinny jeans and a pair of brown booties, with her hair in a messy bun and gold hoop earrings.

TYPICAL STYLE OF SHOES: High heels.

JEWELRY? TATTOOS? PIERCINGS?: She got her belly button pierced in high school, and she also has her ears typically pierced.

SCARS: She has a scar toward the back of her neck, right below her ear from trying to cut her own hair when she was nine years old. Her mother was less than pleased, to say the least.

UNIQUE MANNERISMS/PHYSICAL HABITS: She’ll lick her lips almost every time she takes a sip of coffee. When she’s drinking wine, she likes to tap her index finger just below the rim.

ATHLETICISM: She’s not into fitness, like at all. She loves to eat and she loves to drink. Her main source of exercise is walking for miles in her heels and running around stores.

HEALTH PROBLEMS/ILLNESSES: None.

INTELLECT:

LEVEL OF EDUCATION: High school diploma.

LANGUAGES SPOKEN: Fluent in both English and Russian, but English is her first language. She also can have conversational French. Conversational Tagalog also.

LEVEL OF SELF-ESTEEM: It had taken a while for Scarlett to be comfortable in her own skin, just because her entire life she was told by her mother that she was never good enough, never pretty enough, or smart enough. As she continued to build her business, slept around with as many people as she desired, her confidence grew. People tell her she’s beautiful, and she never disagrees.

GIFTS/TALENTS: Public speaking, flattering, styling and outfitting someone. Pretending her parents don’t exist.

MATHEMATICAL?: NOPE. The only time she’s mathematical is when she’s figuring out how much she’ll save on a sale.

MAKES DECISIONS BASED MOSTLY ON EMOTIONS, OR ON LOGIC?: Both, I wanna say. Scarlett can be impulsive and controlling at times, but that’s driven by anger, irritation and lust. She usually cuts off most emotions when it comes to people.

LIFE PHILOSOPHY: When you don’t have your shit together, you have to dress like you do.

RELIGIOUS STANCE: She was raised Jewish but she’s not particularly religious.

CAUTIOUS OR DARING?: Daring.

MOST SENSITIVE ABOUT/VULNERABLE TO: Her childhood. Having moved across the country where hardly anyone knew her at the age of eighteen, it was a chance to have a fresh start.

OPTIMIST OR PESSIMIST?: Pessimist.

EXTROVERT OR INTROVERT?: Extrovert.

RELATIONSHIPS:

CURRENT RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual.

PAST RELATIONSHIPS: ( cancer tw, death tw)Scarlett has only ever had one serious relationship when she was 25. He was the definition of the perfect boyfriend, everything she thought she should want but nothing seemed right. Two years into their relationship, he proposed and impulsively she accepted believing she was in love with him. Just days later she regretted her decision. Thinking she would catch wedding fever, she stuck to the engagement and continued to plan out the wedding but emotionally became distant from her fiance. A year into their engagement they were married, and just six months after they finally wed, she decided she was going to divorce him. She met with an attorney and was near ready to serve the papers when he told her he was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. He fought for 7 months. She’s harbored a substantial amount of guilt knowing that as he was dying, she wanted to leave him.

Nothing else is worth mentioning. She usually keeps her relationships casual, hardly sleeps with anyone more than twice, and even that’s pushing it.

PRIMARY REASON FOR BEING BROKEN UP WITH: Emotionally distant, doesn’t want another serious relationship.

PRIMARY REASONS FOR BREAKING UP WITH PEOPLE: Doesn’t want a serious relationship.

EVER CHEATED?: No, not at all. She would never do that to someone because she saw the damage her father did from his multiple affairs.

BEEN CHEATED ON: No. Other than her three year relationship, she hasn’t been in a relationship serious enough for it to get to that point.

LEVEL OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCE: She doesn’t date, but she frequently has one night stands.

STORY OF FIRST KISS: Her first kiss was with her best friend in 8th grade during a sleepover when she suggested that they should kiss since Scarlett said she was bored.

STORY OF LOSS OF VIRGINITY: It’s nothing exciting. In fact, it’s quite cliche which she hates. She lost her virginity the night of Junior Prom with a guy she had AP Bio with.

A SOCIAL PERSON?: Superficially, yes, but he’s very particular with who he deems as a close friend.

MOST COMFORTABLE AROUND: A bottle of red wine.

OLDEST FRIEND: CONNECTION OPEN.

HOW DOES HE THINK OTHERS PERCEIVE HER?: Charismatic, witty, beautiful.

HOW DO OTHERS ACTUALLY PERCEIVE HER?: Brutal, pretentious, beautiful

SECRETS:

LIFE GOALS: Still up in the air.

DREAMS: To be a stylist on a Hollywood-type of level.

GREATEST FEARS: Not living an exciting life/growing complacent.

MOST ASHAMED OF: Her parents.

CRIMES COMMITTED (WAS HE CAUGHT? CHARGED?): Underage drinking, but I mean, lmao. She also stole a pair of shoes from a department store when she was 14, but was never caught.

DETAILS/QUIRKS:

NIGHT OWL OR EARLY BIRD?: Night Owl.

LIGHT OR HEAVY SLEEPER?: Heavy sleeper.

FAVORITE ANIMAL: Eh.

FAVORITE FOOD: Sinigang and rice. Half of her childhood consisted of her learning how to make Filipino dishes because of who she lived with.

LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: Highkey salad. Highkey, anything vegan.

FAVORITE BOOK: Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

LEAST FAVORITE BOOK: Doesn’t care enough to have a least favorite book.

FAVORITE MOVIE: She’ll say Roman Holiday but it’s really Terms of Endearment.

LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE: The Notebook.

FAVORITE SONG: Linger by The Cranberries but anything by Barry White. She loves Motown.

FAVORITE SPORT: She loves basketball and is biased toward the Golden State Warriors.

COFFEE OR TEA?: Wine. But coffee, yeah.

CRUNCHY OR SMOOTH PEANUT BUTTER?: Crunchy.

TYPE OF CAR HE DRIVES: Silver Rolls Royce.

LEFTY OR RIGHTY?: Right-handed.

FAVORITE COLOR: Burgundy.

CUSSER?: All the time.

SMOKER? DRINKER? DRUG USER?: She used to smoke, but quit after she ended her engagement. But yes, drinker. Loves to drink. It’s her favorite hobby.

BIGGEST REGRET: Letting her marriage go on for too long.

PETS: None.

[kainosite]

Les Misérables 2018, Episode 3

Les Mis fandom: Andrew Davies is a scoundrel.  What is he?

Me: ... Scoundwel.

The Good:

• I can’t believe the BBC actually filmed the “Now the people of this town can see you for what you really are” scene of a thousand Valvert fanfics.  They know what the people want.

• The Thénardiers are still fantastic.  Somehow the BBC has achieved the impossible feat of portraying them as loathsome abusers whom you hate with every fiber of your being, while simultaneously making them the fun comic relief you’re sort of rooting for in their capacity as the wacky crime duo.  On Christmas Eve I wanted the Seargeant of Waterloo to burn to the ground with everyone inside it, except for Cosette who was out getting water, Éponine and Azelma who were playing on the swings and Gavroche who was out back playing with Chou Chou or something.  I still grinned when Madame Thénardier cheerily reminded her husband to bring the pistol the next morning.  Striking this balance is a truly impressive achievement that I’ve only seen equalled by the Dallas production of the musical.

Their family dynamics are also coming across very well, sometimes through very subtle touches.  The differential treatment of Éponine and Azelma vs. Cosette and the way the Thénardier girls have been trained by all the adults around them to see Cosette’s abuse as a hilarious game, Gavroche being conscripted to fill Cosette’s role as household drudge once Valjean takes her, Mme. T slipping a bill out of Thénardier’s stash once he goes after Valjean – it’s all really good.

Their reactions to Valjean were good too.  Mme. Thénardier was thoroughly unimpressed with this roughly dressed man she’d decided was a hobo and only reacted with hostility when he was kind to her little whipping girl, but Thénardier as the criminal mastermind of the outfit decided the moment he noticed Valjean paying inordinate attention to Cosette that he must be a pedophile and they’d stumbled upon a lucrative financial opportunity.  I know some people don’t like this change, but honestly it makes a ton of sense.  Valjean’s interest in Cosette is strange, and considering the usual clientele of the inn cheer whenever Mme. T hits the kid with the strap, the Thénardiers aren’t used to seeing other people regard her plight with compassion.  Unlike in the Brick, this Cosette is a very pretty child, something discernible even beneath the dirt.  And it’s Thénardier, so of course he thinks the worst.  Valjean doesn’t volunteer that he’s representing Fantine (perhaps in this universe where he knows Javert is so fixated on him, he’s worried that would make him too easy to trace?), so really, what else is Thénardier meant to think?

• There are some priceless interactions between the protagonists and Thénardier: when he’s trying to haggle and Valjean keeps ignoring him and just repeating “How much?”; Javert’s baffled “Nothing!” when he asks Javert what Javert is planning to do for him.

• Javert and Gavroche’s preliminary encounter over the coffee cup was a nice, subtle touch.

• A+ hair analogy between Fantine last week and Valjean this week.  A+ removal of the godawful ponytail.  That prison barber in Toulon deserves the Légion d'Honneur.

• I’m enjoying Javert’s meteoric rise at the Prefecture and I love Rivette.  “But Kainosite, you love every long-suffering lieutenant.”  Yes, what’s your point?  Javert deserves a long-suffering lieutenant and so do I.  Although it’s hilarious how much Oyelowovert is Fanfic Javert, in his relationship with his subordinates as much as in everything else.

I also enjoyed Javert’s phrenology skull, which I hope he sometimes monologues at Hamlet-style.  A black Javert might hesitate a little before going all-in on phrenology, but I do appreciate his commitment to cutting-edge criminology research.

• LMAO at Javert’s fanart commission.

• Valjean and little Cosette are adorable together, and I really appreciate how much time Davies devoted to just depicting them interacting and letting the relationship breathe.  The strength of their bond is going to be very important later on, especially to Valjean, so it’s worthwhile to establish it now.  And they were suuuuper cute.  This adaptation tends to cut out Hugo’s humor sections, so it was nice to get a bit of relief from the grimness with endearing family time.

• I rather like Cosette calling people “nosy bitches”.  I mean, who socialized this kid?  The Thénardiers, that’s who.  It makes her seem more like a real child and less like a perfect little doll designed to reward first Valjean and then Marius for fulfilling their roles as protagonists.

It’s also an early hint at Valjean and Cosette’s unhealthy isolation and codependency.  The principal tenant is actually fulfilling her duty of care here in a society without any proper system for child safeguarding.  Cosette never seems to leave the apartment, certainly not to attend school or to learn a trade.  There’s no family resemblance between herself and her guardian.  (Incidentally, I’m impressed by how much Mailow Defoy really does look like the child of Lily Collins and Johnny Flynn.  All the matching between the kids and their “parents” has been superb.)  They give inconsistent stories about their relationship.  And Cosette is, as previously mentioned, an exceptionally pretty child.  The principal tenant should be worried - she doesn’t want Hector Hulot taking up residence in her building, and this pair are deeply suspicious.  But they can’t perceive her attention as legitimate concern, just as an unwarranted and unwanted intrusion into their little idyl.

• Similarly, Valjean’s early worries that he’s isolating Cosette too much by denying her all contact with the outside world or other children her own age are a nice piece of foreshadowing, as is her blithe answer that the only friends she needs are Valjean and Catherine.  Of course she’s content: she has food and warmth and security and the undivided attention of a loving adult.  To a child whose previous experience of the world has been so traumatic, their isolation must seem like paradise.  But this isn’t healthy and it isn��t sustainable, and the show is flagging that up early.  In many adaptations Valjean’s Cosette Issues seem to come out of nowhere, so it’s great that they’re laying the groundwork here.

• The whole “For a dark hunt, a silent pack” sequence is very well done.  There’s a nice piece of foreshadowing with the lamplighter hoisting up a candle as Valjean and Cosette are coming into Paris.  (Most of the Parisian lamps are nice flickery ones, although you do occasionally see those peculiar white ones we saw in Montreuil.)

I also appreciate Davies cutting Valjean’s canonical “Be quiet or Mme. Thénardier will catch you and take you back” line to Cosette from the Brick, which was an awful thing to say to a traumatized child.

• Things continue to look right.  The courtroom setup was really quite good.

The Meh:

• After watching the episode twice I think I finally understand what was going on with Javert at the trial.

His plan to entrap Valjean is no less incredibly stupid and risky than it was last week, but at least Javert has finally realized this.  He looks increasingly worried as each convict gives his testimony and identifies Champmathieu because they’re getting closer and closer to the end of the trial and Valjean still hasn’t acted.  Unlike Étienne in the 1952 movie, Oyelowovert has already testified and perjured himself, so he has no failsafe – if Valjean refuses to take the bait then Champmathieu is condemned in his place, the real Valjean is protected from legal pursuit forever, Javert’s perjury has real, long-term, perverse consequences, and Javert needs to find a new career.  The shock we see on his face when Valjean finally confesses is relief and the shock of seeing a scenario he must have played out a hundred times in his dreams becoming a reality before his eyes, or possibly a consequence of him coming in his pants, not shock at the revelation that Madeleine is Valjean.

But there are few members of the audience who are keener observers of Javert’s face than I am.  Most of those people are probably in the Valvert Discord chat, and none of them could figure out this scene on their first viewing either.  We should not have to analyze Javert’s microexpressions to determine the answer to a question as fundamental as “Did Javert sincerely believe Champmathieu was Valjean?”

• On the whole the trial was bad but I did appreciate Brevet just yanking out his suspender to show the court.  Although @prudencepaccard​ is gonna be mad it wasn’t checkered.

• The amount of time it takes Valjean to escape from Toulon is really of no great importance to anything.  Maybe this Javert gave them specific instructions to search him with care so his files kept getting confiscated and it took him longer to file through his chains.  We know the Orion incident never happened in this universe, so maybe it took two years for Valjean to spot a good escape opportunity.  Who knows?  Who cares?  It has zero impact on the plot.

People concerned about the extra time Cosette was left languishing with the Thénardiers should direct their complaints to Brick Valjean, who faffed around in Montreuil for a month while her mother lay on her deathbed constantly asking for her, and only decided to go pick her up once he was under arrest and it would obviously be impossible.  Davies’ sins pale in comparison to Hugo’s in this regard.  At least Westjean tried to send someone to retrieve her.

• ‘Rosalie’?  Okay, fine, but I’m not sure why this adaptation feels compelled to give everyone first and last names.  Thénardier could just call her ‘Darling’.

• I know they also abandon Catherine in the Brick, but in the Brick Valjean doesn’t pause in their flight to pack the candlesticks, the objects that are precious to him, and Cosette doesn’t specifically ask about bringing her.  Put the pillow under the blankets to fake out Javert like a normal person and let your child keep the one toy she’s ever had, what the fuck is wrong with you, Valjean?

On the other hand, the doll is made of dead people and it may be possessed, so perhaps this was just responsible parenting.  I’m calling it a draw.

• It’s not that I have any great objections to giving Simplice more screen time or letting the Mother Superior of the Petit-Picpus convent decide to shelter a convict, but there was no particular reason not to use Fauchelevent for the Fauchelevent plotline.  It’s a small instance of a good deed being paid forward that underlines the main theme of the book, as does Simplice’s act of self-sacrifice in lying to Javert to protect Valjean.  All of that has been lost and nothing has been gained in its place.  (Also is Cosette just... “Cosette Valjean” in this adaptation?  “Cosette Thibault”?)

The Bad:

• If Javert perjures himself to trap Valjean that is an incredibly big deal and we should see it.  I accept that this Javert might do it: Oyelowovert cares about his career and about ruining the lives of criminals, not about the rules.  If he can trap Valjean, superb.  If Champmathieu ends up in the galleys because of it, well, he’s a filthy apple thief and he deserves it.  Javert is subverting the course of justice in the service of a greater social justice.  But this monumental deviation from his Brick characterization, this enormously consequential lie, should not occur off-camera, for fuck’s sake!

Also it’s not clear what reason a Javert who is happy to lie under oath would ever have to throw himself into the Seine.

• Why the hell was Valjean so hostile to the other convicts?  He assumes they’ve been paid off, but... by whom, and to what purpose?  By Javert, to entrap him?  We the viewers at least know that can’t be true – Javert only found out about Champmathieu from the Prefecture, after Champmathieu had already been identified as Valjean.  By the public prosecutor at Arras, who is desperate to close the case of a minor highway robbery that happened almost a decade ago on the other side of the country completely outside his jurisdiction?  By the many enemies of Champmathieu the random hobo, who really want to see him go down for a felony?  It makes absolutely no sense.

Possibilities that make more sense: a) the convicts are sincerely mistaken about the appearance of a guy they’ve not seen in eight years, b) they just wanted to get out of Toulon for a month and they’re willing to say anything to do it because Toulon is a hellhole, as the first episode made exceedingly clear, c) they know perfectly well Champmathieu is not Valjean and they’re lying to protect the liberty of their old comrade by condemning a stranger in his place.  The whole dynamic of this scene – Madeleine, the respected mayor and factory owner, who’s been clean and well-fed and safe for years, yelling at these filthy men in their convict uniforms, Chenildieu with some kind of open wound across his forehead, quite possibly a lash mark – is deeply unpleasant.  It makes Valjean look like a complete asshole and sets a sour tone for the whole episode.

• The entire trial is just off.  Valjean’s off-putting and inexplicable hostility to his fellow convicts, Javert’s mystifying facial expressions, the audience who keep laughing at unfunny lines – the scene just doesn’t work, it doesn’t come together.  It was at something of a disadvantage because I came into it having just watched the 1952 trial scene for the previous episode’s review post, which is the best ever adaptation of the Champmathieu trial, and any other version was likely to pale by comparison.  But this one was particularly poor.

• I said last week we’d have to see what the series made of Valjean’s externalization of his emotions.  Well, what it has made is an awful lot of shouting at everyone, starting with the poor convicts and continuing from there, and also an excess of violence.  Valjean charges into the soldiers in Montreuil-sur-Mer and bowls them over, he threatens to knock Thénardier down and then to blow his head off, he gets Thénardier into a headlock and grapples with him.  Even when Westjean is coming into the convent he has to practically break down the doors.  Everything is violent action with him.  It’s OOC to the point where it’s becoming a problem rather than merely a different interpretation of the character.

All this aggression isn’t even effective at making him seem dangerous!  The thing he does in 1978 where he gently removes Javert’s hand from his collar is vastly more intimidating because it showcases his superhuman strength.  He should have just plucked the gun out of Thénardier’s hand like he was taking it away from a child instead of all this undignified scuffling.

• Tumblr, a humble reviewer has failed in accuracy, and I have come to bring this matter to your attention, as is my duty.

I argued last week that Westjean is not a misogynist: he yells at everyone in his vicinity regardless of gender.  Well, you were right and I was wrong.  That menacing lunge he takes towards Victurnien while screaming at her, calling Mme. Thénardier “woman” and shouting at her to bring his supper, the way he bursts in on the nuns at the end – it all adds up to something pretty unpleasant.

• I have never in my life seen an adaptation that makes Fantine’s death so much about Jean Valjean’s manpain.

If you look a 1978, an adaptation that gives if possible negative fucks about Fantine, it still manages to make the confrontation over her deathbed a conversation between three people, in which she has agency and reacts to what people are saying and is present in some capacity other than that of an object to make Valjean sad.  Someone compared Collinstine to a substitute Coin of Shame, and I think that’s really apt: Valjean is distressed and guilty because he’s failed to rescue Cosette, so he goes to Fantine’s bedside to sear the image of her despairing face onto his retinas in the same way he seared the imprint of Petit Gervais’s forty sous onto his palm.  He’s punishing himself by deliberately upsetting her.  For both Valjean and the camera, this scene is all about Valjean’s feelings and not about Fantine’s.

The person in this room with the biggest problems is not Jean Valjean, for pity’s sake.  I like to see the man cry as much as the next fangirl, but this was vile.

• Valjean’s visit to Fantine on her deathbed is a stupid, irresponsible thing to do and a direct cause of her unhappy death in the Brick and in every adaptation where she survives long enough for Javert to turn up. Valjean knows he has no good news to give her, he knows that the criminal justice system will be after him sooner or later, he knows that having Fantine and Javert together in the same room is a phenomenally bad idea, and he has urgent business in Montfermeil, or if he’s resolved to stay in Montreuil-sur-Mer to await arrest then he urgently needs to designate some representative to go and pick up Cosette in his place.  Instead he loiters by a sick woman’s bedside until Javert shows up and predictably traumatizes her to death.  As a result, Fantine dies in misery and Cosette suffers under the Thénardiers for another year.

But in the Brick it was at least not an insane thing to do.  When he left Arras he was not being pursued, and he reached Montreuil well ahead of the news about the trial.  The magistrates in Arras were in two minds about how to handle the situation.  Given Madeleine’s status, the widespread affection and admiration for him in the region, and the fact that he turned himself in, it’s not inconceivable that had it not been for his little Bonapartist slip in the courtroom, they wouldn’t have issued a warrant for his arrest at all and would simply have sent him a summons to appear at the Var Assizes to stand trial, or directed him to surrender himself at the prison in Montreuil rather than sending Javert after him.  I’m not sure it’s likely, given that he’s a known flight risk and parole violator illegally occupying a public office and they seem keen to get their hands on his fortune, but it’s not inconceivable.

In this adaptation Valjean breaks away from the police in the street and leads them straight to Fantine’s deathbed.  There is no fucking excuse for this.  NONE.  Brick Valjean was a fool to come at all and a bigger fool to stage a massive confrontation with Javert while he was still in the infirmary, but his mistakes were those of a man under immense stress who never bothered to think about Javert long enough to construct a working psychological profile of him.  Westjean’s mistakes were the mistakes of a selfish asshole too caught up in his own feelings of guilt and shame to have any regard for the people he allegedly cares about and wants to help.  Valjean is an extreme deontologist and his actions are always self-absorbed to a certain degree, because they’re fundamentally more about whether he can feel he’s done the right thing than about the actual effects of his actions on other people.  (He and Brickvert have that in common.)  But it should never get to the point where he’s actively harming people to this extent.

• Brickvert doesn’t seem to care for firearms much, and Oyelowovert looks like a jackass waving his two giant pistols around, but he’s a different character and if he’s decided they make him look cool then fine, I guess.  But in that case he should not be intimidated by Valjean’s strength in the infirmary.  You have guns, idiot!  If he threatens you just shoot him in the leg!

Guns completely change the dynamics of this scene, as the Dallas staging of the musical conveys very well.  The BBC handed Javert some pistols and then forgot he had them.

• In 1862 people would probably have found the implication that Catherine has Fantine’s hair to be sweet and charming, because the Victorians loved toting bits of their dead relatives around and hair mementos were so common that no one would have considered it weird.  In 2019 it is CREEPY AND GROSS.  I know there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism but we did not need to know that Cosette’s doll was made from the body parts of desperately impoverished and now dead women, really.

• Oh, so we’re flipping over beds when we fail to catch our favorite fugitive convict now, are we?  Great, now everyone is yelling.  FFS, Javert, I thought you were supposed to be the emotionally continent one.

• Where was Marius this week???  If Davies was happy to cut that leg of the stool out of whole episodes then why the fuck not just let Georges die when he’s supposed to and let Marius have a coherent character arc?  It makes no sense whatsoever.

I’ve got to be honest, I was not a fan of this episode.  But it did get Valjean and Cosette’s relationship right, and that is the most important relationship in the story.

[lovepctions]

GENERAL:

NAME: Scarlett Marina Kaufman Doherty

NICKNAME: Some people call her Scar, much to her irritation. It’s not even a cute nickname.

BIRTHDAY: January 16

AGE: 32.

GENDER: Cis Female.

PLACE OF BIRTH: Petaluma, California.

PLACES LIVED SINCE: Oakland, California

NATIONALITY: American.

ETHNICITY: Ashkenazi Jewish.

PARENTS’ NAMES: Adina and Vadim Kaufman.

NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: None.

PERSONALITY TYPE: ESTP- A - THE ENTREPRENEUR

body image mention, abandonment, death (cancer)

relationship with family: strained. one-sided. basically non-existent. when scarlett hit her teen years, she’d come to the conclusion that her mother wanted a child, but she didn’t want to be a mother to that child. their conversations consisted mainly of scarlett’s appearance and body image, pushing her to be the most prim and proper of ladies. her mother never called her beautiful. vadim, on the other hand, was never around to have a real conversation with his daughter, having gone out to meet with his mistress of the year. might as well not even have a father. she’s cut herself off from her family to the point where she legally changed her last name so she could pretend she was not related to them. after getting many phone calls from her mom when she first moved away, scarlett changed her phone number and blocked her mom from every social media platform.

childhood trauma: when adina found out about her husband’s many affairs, she blamed scarlett’s birth, having said that if she never gave birth to scarlett perhaps her figure could still be desirable enough for her husband. she then proceeded to send ten year old scarlett away to live with a filipino couple in their mid-50s in oakland, who raised her until she turned 17. scarlett continued to feel unwanted by her own mother.

physical:

height: 5′4″

weight: 120 lbs.

build: slim and petite.

hair color: dark brown.

usual hair style: she styles it differently every other day, but when she’s concentrating, she pulls it back in a high ponytail. when it’s down, the length is just two inches below her shoulder blades.

eye color: her right eye is green-blue and her left eye is a hazel color.

glasses? contacts?: neither.

style of dress/typical outfit(s): scarlett dresses in very trendy, designer clothing. a casual coffee outfit would be a cream colored blouse with dark wash skinny jeans and a pair of brown booties, with her hair in a messy bun and gold hoop earrings.

typical style of shoes: high heels.

jewelry? tattoos? piercings?: she got her belly button pierced in high school, and she also has her ears typically pierced.

scars: she has a scar toward the back of her neck, right below her ear from trying to cut her own hair when she was nine years old. her mother was less than pleased, to say the least.

unique mannerisms/physical habits: she’ll lick her lips almost every time she takes a sip of coffee. when she’s drinking wine, she likes to tap her index finger just below the rim.

athleticism: she’s not into fitness, like at all. she loves to eat and she loves to drink. her main source of exercise is walking for miles in her heels and running around stores.

health problems/illnesses: none.

intellect:

level of education: high school diploma.

languages spoken: fluent in both english and russian, but english is her first language. she also can have conversational french. conversational tagalog also.

level of self-esteem: it had taken a while for scarlett to be comfortable in her own skin, just because her entire life she was told by her mother that she was never good enough, never pretty enough, or smart enough. as she continued to build her business, slept around with as many people as she desired, her confidence grew. people tell her she’s beautiful, and she never disagrees.

gifts/talents: public speaking, flattering, styling and outfitting someone. pretending her parents don’t exist.

mathematical?: nope. the only time she’s mathematical is when she’s figuring out how much she’ll save on a sale.

makes decisions based mostly on emotions, or on logic?: both, i wanna say. scarlett can be impulsive and controlling at times, but that’s driven by anger, irritation and lust. she usually cuts off most emotions when it comes to people.

life philosophy: when you don’t have your shit together, you have to dress like you do.

religious stance: she was raised jewish but she’s not particularly religious.

cautious or daring?: daring.

most sensitive about/vulnerable to: her childhood. having moved across the country where hardly anyone knew her at the age of eighteen, it was a chance to have a fresh start.

optimist or pessimist?: pessimist.

extrovert or introvert?: extrovert.

relationships:

current relationship status: single.

sexual orientation: bisexual.

past relationships: ( cancer tw, death tw)scarlett has only ever had one serious relationship when she was 25. he was the definition of the perfect boyfriend, everything she thought she should want but nothing seemed right. two years into their relationship, he proposed and impulsively she accepted believing she was in love with him. just days later she regretted her decision. thinking she would catch wedding fever, she stuck to the engagement and continued to plan out the wedding but emotionally became distant from her fiance. a year into their engagement they were married, and just six months after they finally wed, she decided she was going to divorce him. she met with an attorney and was near ready to serve the papers when he told her he was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. he fought for 7 months. she’s harbored a substantial amount of guilt knowing that as he was dying, she wanted to leave him.

nothing else is worth mentioning. she usually keeps her relationships casual, hardly sleeps with anyone more than twice, and even that’s pushing it.

primary reason for being broken up with: emotionally distant, doesn’t want another serious relationship.

primary reasons for breaking up with people: doesn’t want a serious relationship.

ever cheated?: no, not at all. she would never do that to someone because she saw the damage her father did from his multiple affairs.

been cheated on: no. other than her three year relationship, she hasn’t been in a relationship serious enough for it to get to that point.

level of sexual experience: she doesn’t date, but she frequently has one night stands.

story of first kiss: her first kiss was with her best friend in 8th grade during a sleepover when she suggested that they should kiss since scarlett said she was bored.

story of loss of virginity: it’s nothing exciting. in fact, it’s quite cliche which she hates. she lost her virginity the night of junior prom with a guy she had ap bio with.

a social person?: superficially, yes, but he’s very particular with who he deems as a close friend.

most comfortable around: a bottle of red wine.

oldest friend: connection open.

how does he think others perceive her?: charismatic, witty, beautiful.

how do others actually perceive her?: brutal, pretentious, beautiful

secrets:

life goals: still up in the air.

dreams: already living it

greatest fears: not living an exciting life/growing complacent.

most ashamed of: her parents.

crimes committed (was he caught? charged?): underage drinking, but i mean, lmao. she also stole a pair of shoes from a department store when she was 14, but was never caught.

details/quirks:

night owl or early bird?: night owl.

light or heavy sleeper?: heavy sleeper.

favorite animal: eh.

favorite food: sinigang and rice. half of her childhood consisted of her learning how to make filipino dishes because of who she lived with.

least favorite food: highkey salad. highkey, anything vegan.

favorite book: lean in: women, work, and the will to lead by sheryl sandberg

least favorite book: doesn’t care enough to have a least favorite book.

favorite movie: she’ll say roman holiday but it’s really terms of endearment.

least favorite movie: the notebook.

favorite song: linger by the cranberries but anything by barry white. she loves motown.

favorite sport: she loves basketball and is biased toward the golden state warriors.

coffee or tea?: wine. but coffee, yeah.

crunchy or smooth peanut butter?: crunchy.

type of car he drives: silver rolls royce.

lefty or righty?: right-handed.

favorite color: burgundy.

cusser?: all the time.

smoker? drinker? drug user?: she used to smoke, but quit after she ended her engagement. but yes, drinker. loves to drink. it’s her favorite hobby.

biggest regret: letting her marriage go on for too long.

pets: none.