#also couldn’t get the song out of my head after reading the ep title lol

[blauri-doodles]

“Su- su- su- supernova!🌠”

[starlightkun]

⏯ word count: 13.7k ⏯ genre: band au, punk band frontman!shotaro, venue manager!reader, shotaro is whipped, reader is emotionally unavailable, is it a slowish burn or is it angst?, whatever it is ur reading a starlightkun fic so there’s a happy ending :), ft. eunseok/sungchan/wonbin as shotaro’s bandmates welcome back boys & wayv as reader’s coworkers ⏯ warnings: some blood/violence (shotaro gets punched once), not necessarily a warning but since i do generally avoid describing the reader’s appearance in my fics, i wanted to give a heads up—reader works at a punk/alternative concert venue and is generally in/around that scene. reader is mentioned and/or implied to have some tattoos and piercings (other than earlobes) ⏯ extra info: set in the same universe as filler episodes, but u don’t need to read that in order to understand this one, filler eps!sungchan and sugarcoated!shotaro r just in the same band! also the title is from a 5sos song lol ⏯ author’s note: sooo after writing filler episodes and experiencing bbb/lucky shotaro, i couldn’t get punk band frontman shotaro out of my head… i fear the trajectory of my life has been altered ⏯ now playing… empty wallets – 5 seconds of summer | apathy is boring – bears in trees | dreaming girl – xdinary heroes

── ⋆⋅♫⋅⋆ find more stories from backstage at venue:hell here!

“You’re not stupid. I know you’re not.” He stood up, stepping closer to you. “You always stop yourself right before… I’m sure you think you’re not leading me on or whatever, but I know you know how stupidly head over heels I am for you, because I don’t try to hide it.”

Flipping through your keyring, you selected the right key by touch in order to unlock the rear entrance to the venue. Despite the sweltering summer heat outside, the basement was cool as always. You flipped the AC and lights on as you disabled the alarm that wasn’t actually connected to a security company, then descended the stairs. Venue:Hell, your home away from home. Actually, you were pretty sure you spent more time here than your apartment some weeks.

Your phone buzzed with a text as you crossed the threshold into the back office, and you opened it as you flopped into the creaky office chair.

[kun: attached image]

[kun: new schedule for the month. y/n, don’t forget that you’re covering the new weekly act starting today]

It was your manager, and you read over the list of events for this week with mild interest. The two of you had already discussed that you’d be taking over being point with Venue:Hell’s weekly spot. The venue had a recurring local act come in every week to perform, typically a smaller artist, to help them build a base among your regulars. These guys had recently opened for one of your previous weekly acts on a national tour and your manager liked them enough to ask them to fill in the weekly spot when the tour made a stop here. You’d had that particular night off, so this was going to be your first time meeting the band.

As you went through your usual opening checklist, other employees filtered in, starting on their tasks. The venue usually provided all the staff and equipment for the weekly act. They just needed to show up and perform.

You were with your sound guy Yangyang by his equipment when you heard your name being called from elsewhere in the building.

“Yeah?” You yelled back, walking out from behind the curtain to look around for whoever it was.

Ten, who worked the front, was approaching with four guys in tow, instrument cases in hand. Must be the new band.

“New weekly is here!” He called out.

You hopped down off the stage to meet them on the main floor. “You guys are early.”

The band looked at each other, obviously worried. One that had a guitar case on his back spoke up uncertainly, “Is that a problem? We weren’t sure—”

“No, it’s fine. I’m pretty sure it’s a first, though,” you snickered.

“You got them?” Ten asked you. “Kunhang said he needed help.”

“Go for it,” you nodded, dismissing your coworker from the group.

Looking back at the four guys that you were left with, you started your spiel. “So, I’m Y/N, assistant manager at Venue:Hell. If you ever have any questions, need anything, let me know. I’m sure Kun already explained how our weekly spot works, but you guys will perform here every Thursday at 10:00 and have a forty-five-minute slot. It’s not exactly primetime, but it’s consistent and we have a good pool of regulars. You’ll also have priority for inclusion on lineups for any special events we host. If your weekly slot ever needs to be moved or canceled, we’ll give you as much of a heads-up as we can, but sometimes it will be very last-minute. If you ever need to miss a week, we ask the same from you, tell us as soon as possible. Make sense?”

You got four hasty nods in return.

“Great, let me show you to your green room.” Just as you were about to turn around and head off, you realized something. “Ah shit, I completely forgot to ask your name. Sorry.”

The guitarist that had spoken earlier offered you a big smile. His ears were adorned with metal, and you spotted some jewelry glinting from his nose, lip, and eyebrow too. His hair sort of reminded you of a dalmatian, a light blonde base with spots of dark black streaking through it. Overall, fit right in with the scene, except for his smile, which seemed to be made of sunshine and rainbows or something cheesy like that. You swore you needed sunglasses just looking at him.

“I’m Osaki Shotaro, uh, guitar, and I sing!” He informed you cheerily. “It’s really nice to meet you.”

“Jung Sungchan, drums,” the tallest one nodded. “And our band is called Roses for Eyes, by the way. Since Taro here forget to mention that.”

He slapped his friend on the shoulder, making Shotaro wince.

“Right…” Shotaro rubbed his neck. “You-You can also call me Taro, too, by the way. Everyone does. Like boba tea!”

“Cool.” You nodded, looking at the other two expectantly.

“Eunseok, I’m the bassist,” another introduced himself. “Sing a bit, I guess.”

The last one, with dark black hair save for a single hot pink streak in his bangs, gave a small wave. “Park Wonbin. Guitar and I sing too.”

“I like the pink,” you commented, then pivoted on your heel. “Okay, I’ll show you your green room.”

“So what do you think?” Yangyang asked you as he fiddled with his equipment, and you helped him go over his checklists.

“I think it sounds fine,” you replied, checking that step off.

“I meant about the new weekly.”

“Oh, they seem fine,” you shrugged. “You worked the night they were here last time, right? What did you think?”

“Their sound’s good.”

“And Kun obviously liked them.”

“Do you think they’ll be a pain to work with?”

“Hm?” You thought on your sparse interactions with the members of Roses for Eyes, the introductions, and then Shotaro had asked you where the restroom was. “No, I think they’ll be fine. I don’t know, Yang, it hasn’t even been their first day. There’s time yet for them to turn into assholes.”

Footsteps approaching made you glance over your shoulder. It was the drummer… Sungchan, you were pretty sure. He seemed to be heading straight for you, and you looked at him with your eyebrows raised.

“Do you need something?” You asked him expectantly, listening to Yangyang call out that the next step was clear.

“Not me, but yes,” he answered sheepishly.

You held his eye contact, arching an eyebrow.

“It’s Taro,” the drummer continued. “He’s good, I just wanted to give you a heads-up that he kind of uhm, loses things a lot? Especially his in-ears.”

“Has he lost them already?” You checked your watch. “Your soundcheck is in five minutes.”

“Yeah…”

You sighed and held the clipboard out towards Yangyang, “You got this?”

He saluted you, “Yes, ma’am.”

You turned back to Sungchan, “Where’s the last place he saw them?”

“I told Sungchan not to tell you, I’m sorry,” Shotaro apologized as the two of you retraced his steps starting from the van they had arrived in.

“I told you guys—If you need anything, let me know,” you grunted, climbing over a spare amp in the back to look under the seats.

“This is just so embarrassing,” he complained, rifling through the glovebox.

“Hey, it’s your first performance as our new weekly, it’d be weirder if it went over perfectly.”

“I meant you having to search through our nasty van with me for them. Just being a few minutes late to soundcheck, I could deal.”

“It’s fine, Shotaro, I’ve done worse, promise.”

His big eyes peered at you inquisitively over the headrests of the front seats. “Like what?”

“I think we’ve scoured every inch of the inside of this thing,” you declared, wiping sweat off your brow with the hem of your shirt. “Have you checked under it?”

Shotaro was still staring at you.

“I’ll look.” You sighed and hopped out of the back of the van.

“No, I’ve got it!” He suddenly scrambled into action, dropping to his hands and knees on the gravel next to the vehicle to scour the ground underneath it.

You, meanwhile, kept your eyes peeled for the immediate vicinity of the parking lot around it. Finally, off in the direction towards the building next door, something caught your eye. You wandered over, picking up a square, black case. Flipping it open, sure enough, there was a pair of in-ears, one bright green and the other bright purple.

Walking back over to the van, you stopped next to the guitarist, who was still looking under it. “Shotaro.”

“Huh?” Thunk. “Fuck!”

“Watch your head,” you said dryly as he carefully extricated himself from under the van this time. You shook the case at him. “These yours?”

He lit up as soon as he saw the equipment. “Yes! Oh my god! Where were they?”

“Over by the neighbors.” You jerked a thumb at the building.

“Ohhh, right! There was a cat over there that I took a picture of when we got here. Do you want to see it?” He was already digging around in his pocket for his phone.

“No. Focus.”

“Right.” He reached for the case, but you snatched them out of his grasp before he could touch it.

“I don’t think so.”

Shotaro’s face turned endearingly confused. “What?”

“We’re not doing this again,” you declared. “These are mine now. When they are not inside of your ears, they’re mine. You will come get them from me before every performance and return them to me as soon as you get off the stage. If you do not need to take them somewhere else before next week, they’ll stay here with me the whole time. Deal?”

“So, Sungchan mentioned this isn’t the first time I’ve lost them?”

“Uh-huh.”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Deal!”

Roses for Eyes wasn’t half bad, from the bits and pieces that you heard while you were running around doing other stuff. You could easily understand why your manager chose them for the weekly spot. Your regulars seemed to like them, too. They had an infectious energy, kept the crowd engaged, and had good chemistry with each other on stage. After the debacle with Shotaro’s in-ears, the rest of the performance went over relatively smoothly, then you just had an open bar and dance night until midnight to deal with. Easy.

It was Yangyang’s turn to have his playlist hooked up, so you were planning on mingling to get some feedback from your regulars on the new weekly.

“Y/N!” A voice yelled out your name from elsewhere backstage, and you turned around.

It was Shotaro running at you, his guitar slung over his back. You held out your hands both in a gesture for him to slow down, and also to protect yourself in case he crashed into you. He managed to skid to a stop just in time, breathless and with a wild smile.

He held his hand out towards you, something crumpled up in his fist. “Here!”

You opened up your palm, letting him drop two familiar neon objects into it. His in-ears. “Ah, right. Thank you for remembering.”

Taking out the case that you still had in your pocket, you tucked them away, snapping it shut again. “You’re sure you won’t need these again before next week?”

“No, we don’t have anything planned.”

“Well, if anything comes up, I’m here most days. I’ll keep them in the office, so if I’m not here, you can get them from Kun or someone else with a key.”

“So what uh, what did you think?” His teeth played with his lip ring nervously.

“About what?” You checked the time on your phone.

“You know, our set?”

“God, I told Yang during soundcheck that Wonbin’s mic should’ve been turned up, but he didn’t listen to me, so we could barely hear him. But we’ll fix that next week. Is the guy always so quiet?”

“Yeah, yeah, he is.” Shotaro was still looking at you expectantly.

“Did you need something else, Shotaro?” You asked. “I was going to go talk to some people.”

“No, uhm, sorry for keeping you.”

“It’s fine.” You patted his shoulder. “And hey, we’re open until midnight tonight. You guys are welcome to stay and hang out. Staff gets half off at the bar, that includes you.”

He nodded and flashed you another smile. “Cool, thanks, Y/N.”

The next week, you were in the back office when there was a knock on the slightly ajar door, and a familiar head poked in.

“Hi.” Shotaro beamed at you. “Kunhang said you were in here.”

“Hi, Shotaro.” You minimized the window that had been up on your screen as he wandered around to your side.

“What are you doing?”

“Payroll. Which you can’t see,” you informed him, opening the top right drawer of the desk.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” You handed him his in-ear case that you had just retrieved. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” He accepted the case, but didn’t leave the office.

“Do you guys need something else?”

“No, uhm, finish your work,” he started towards the door. “But I uhm, is that new? The septum piercing?”

You touched the ring absentmindedly. You’d gotten it done over the weekend, you’d forgotten that it was new by now. “Yeah, it is.”

“I like it. Looks good on you.”

Before you could even say thanks, he had darted from the office.

Done with the payroll, you went out to the main floor, taking down the stools from the few high-tops scattered around the perimeter and setting them up at the tables. Roses for Eyes were just starting their soundcheck, providing background music of the sounds of them tuning their instruments.

“Hey, Y/N,” Eunseok’s voice came over the speakers.

“Yeah?” You called back over your shoulder as you continued setting up.

“So, did you like our set last week? Anything we can do better?”

You swore you heard snickers, but when you turned around, they were all standing at attention. “Everyone generally liked your sound. Good music to dance to. But you need some more variety in your setlist. Have a vibe-shift or two. Show people you can do more. If you can.”

Sungchan laughed as he spun a stick around with his fingers. “Is that a challenge or what?”

You shrugged. “It’s only a challenge if it’s hard.”

They all erupted into incredulous laughter, and you couldn’t help but grin too, glad that they didn’t seem put-off by your comment. You were genuinely trying to give them advice, not put them down. The band returned to their soundcheck, and you went back to your own tasks. You figured they were done when you heard a long stretch of silence as you were doing inventory of your in-house merch behind the merch counter.

“Hi.” It was Shotaro again, peeking at you from over the counter as you squatted down to count the t-shirts stacked up down there.

“Hi, Shotaro.” You held up your hand expectantly, and he deposited his in-ear case onto it. You tucked it into your jacket pocket. “Thank you.”

“Need any help?”

“This isn’t your job,” you pointed out, tapping a few buttons on the tablet balanced on your knees.

“You’re really good at that.”

“Counting shirts?” You snorted. “I’d be a lot better if I wasn’t talking while I did it.”

He chuckled. “I meant not answering the question you’re asked.”

You looked up from the shirts at him. “Hmph.”

“Did you hate our set that much?”

“Why does it matter what I thought?” You asked him frankly.

“You’re still doing it.”

You took a closer look at what he was wearing today, a neon pink longsleeve under his black t-shirt. “Your shirt matches Wonbin’s hair. Cute.”

He looked down at his sleeves, pulling them over his hands. “Ah, yeah, I guess. Do you like it? I—Hey, wait a minute!”

You laughed to yourself as you stood back up. “If you really want me to answer your question… No, I don’t need any help. I’m done now. Thanks, though.”

After Roses for Eyes’ set, Shotaro didn’t even have to find you, you were waiting just off-stage. He couldn’t hide his surprise, eyes going wide. “Oh, Y/N! Hey!”

“Hi.” You held out your hand expectantly, the case already open atop it.

He stuffed the in-ears back into it. “Thanks.”

“Thank you.” You snapped it shut and pocketed it. “And good set. I’m glad I got to actually see it this time.”

His face lit up. “Wait you—Is that why—? Thanks! You really—?”

“Hey, Taro, come on, we got places to be,” Sungchan grabbed his arm. “You got your in-ears?”

You arched an eyebrow, taking the case back out from your pocket. “You need these?”

Sungchan shook his head as Shotaro took it back from you. “Thanks…”

“Don’t lose them before next week,” you warned.

“I won’t.” He beamed.

The next day, you were at the venue early putting up some new decorations when you swore you heard the back door open.

“Ten?” You yelled out. “That you?”

“No!” An entirely different voice called back, right as the owner had descended the stairs into your view, propping his silver sunglasses up on his dalmatian hair.

“Shotaro.” You tilted your head at him curiously. “Pretty sure I haven’t been here that long. It’s not Thursday yet.”

“Not quite.” He grinned as he set a familiar case on the counter that you were currently standing on to reach the ceiling. “I didn’t lose them.”

“I’m very proud of you.” You pointed in the direction of the back. “Office is unlocked, you can put them on the desk before you head out.”

“What are you doing?”

“Decorating. We’re doing a Y’allternative Night tonight.” You held up the paper cowboy boots that you were prepared to hang up. “It’s all deejayed, no live music or we would’ve offered you guys a slot, sorry.”

“Can I help?”

“You really want to help me decorate?”

“Yeah.”

You sighed, looking down at the stack of decorations on the counter, and the others haphazardly strewn on the stage. “Ten was supposed to help but he hasn’t shown…”

“Is that a yes?” He asked hopefully.

“I can’t pay you for this,” you warned.

“That’s fine!”

“Put your in-ears away first.”

“On it!” He grabbed them off the counter and dashed away.

“So how long have you been working here?” Shotaro asked you as the two of you worked to decorate the venue.

“Few years.” You handed him the next cutout. “Mm, to the right. Yeah, good, higher. There.”

Shotaro was easy to work with, attentive, loved even the smallest bit of praise, and followed directions incredibly well. Kinda like training a dog, you figured. Though, you’d never had a dog.

“How long have you been with your band?” You asked.

“Oh, I’ve known Sungchan since I was like, seven,” he explained, scooting with you along the counter. “I used to be taller than him, you know.”

You snorted at that, genuinely trying to picture little Sungchan and Shotaro, the latter just a smidge taller.

Shotaro was grinning as he continued, “We spent like every day after school in middle school playing Rock Band. Begged our parents for real instruments for Christmas in high school. Then Sungchan met Eunseok in gym class, and I met Wonbin in art. So I guess it’s been… almost ten years? At least since we took over Eunseok’s garage after school for our first band practice.”

“That’s cool,” you replied genuinely, handing him the last decoration. “I like hearing that sort of stuff from the acts that come through here. Everyone’s got such unique stories.”

“Uhm—” He cleared his throat. “Is this good? For the-the thing?”

You looked at where he was holding the paper lasso. “Ehh… Turn it to the left a little? …Perfect, tape it.”

Shotaro hopped down from the counter and the two of you stepped back to admire your handiwork.

“Not bad.” You held your hand up for a high-five, which he eagerly accepted. “Thanks, Shotaro.”

The back door was thrown open then, Ten yelling into the venue, “I’m here!”

“Finally,” you scoffed.

“Sorry, sorry, I had to take Louis to the doctor,” your coworker rambled, obviously flustered as he rushed in. “Stupid asshole ate my charging cable.”

“His cat,” you informed Shotaro quietly, taking in the guitarist’s concerned look. Turning back to Ten, you asked, “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, one super expensive vet trip later, he’s fine, of course.” Ten seemed to notice Shotaro then. “Oh, hey, Taro. Are you guys performing tonight?”

“He was just dropping off some equipment and was nice enough to help me with the decorations,” you explained. “Speaking of—You remembered to pick them up on your way in, right?”

He pointed over his shoulder to the back entrance. “Yes, they’re in my car, will you help me with them?”

“I think we’ve got it from here, Shotaro, thanks again—”

“Uhm, do you remember how long it took last time?” Ten interrupted you pointedly.

You sighed ruefully, recalling very well. Clasping your hands together in front of you, you turned to the frontman, “If you’re not busy, would you mind helping us fill hundreds of balloons and also assemble a few cardboard cutouts? Please?”

Only one person could operate the balloon inflating machine at a time. One person would fill them with helium, then hand them off to another to tie them and release them to float up to the ceiling. Getting them back down would be hell. The third person was wrangling the custom-ordered cardboard cutouts out of the packaging and assembling them. That person was of course you. You had lost the rock-paper-scissors, and never had it in you to just pull rank when it came to this kind of stuff.

“What the hell?” You muttered, trying to cut the package open for the third time, barely crinkling the tape instead. Yanking on it, you cursed, “I swear this fucking tape is made of fucking Kevlar! What the fuck?!”

“Let me try?” Shotaro offered, abandoning his post tying balloons to join you. You huffed and let him gently take the box cutter from your hand, moving over to grant him access to the end of the box that you were struggling with.

“It’s probably that box cutter! Blade’s too dull!” Ten called out as he continued filling and tying balloons. “I think it’s older than Kun!”

Shotaro had just tried to slice upwards along the tape, but as soon as the box cutter hit resistance, it stopped, and his hand recoiled with the force. His fingers flew back down along the blade, and he dropped both it and the box immediately, letting out a long string of curses.

As soon as you saw the red welling up on his finger, you yelled out to Ten, “First aid kit!”

“Shit! Oh my god, you’re going to get fucking tetanus or something and die. Or lose your hand!” You panicked, latching onto Shotaro’s elbow. You dragged him into the nearest bathroom—the women’s room—and started running water in the sink. You yanked up his hoodie sleeves then yours, sticking both his hands under the stream. They were both bloody messes at this point.

Shotaro lit up as he looked at your inked forearms. “Cool tattoos, what—”

“So not the fucking time for a tattoo tour?!” You gestured to his own hands incredulously.

Ten brought the first aid kit in, and the women’s room that only had two stalls anyway was starting to feel cramped now.

“Go see if there’s any blood on the floor or something,” you shooed him out probably too harshly.

With him gone, you focused on washing and drying Shotaro’s uninjured hand before taking a look at the other. Only one of his fingers was cut, thankfully, but you knew the state that box cutter was in—old, rusty, and had probably never been cleaned once.

“I’ll be fine.” Shotaro was surprisingly calm as he watched you.

“You know there’s no cure for tetanus, right? Fuck, Kun’s going to kill me if our weekly can’t perform because I gave the frontman tetanus and he died.” You stressed.

“Oh, I thought you were just worried for me,” his voice was teasing, and if you hadn’t watched him injure himself and flinch in pain with your own two eyes, you would’ve wondered if he had any pain receptors, as he didn’t seem to be bothered whatsoever by you squirting soap onto the cut in that moment.

“Yeah, that too.”

“As an afterthought,” he snickered.

You pushed the shoulder of his uninjured hand. “Shut up and clean your cut.”

“Really, I’m touched.” He was still smirking as he obliged, gingerly running the tip of his thumb over the area to work the soap around the cut, the water finally running clear. You turned the sink off then grabbed paper towels and his hand, starting to dry the cut off. “Will it make you feel better if I tell you I’m upped on my tetanus booster?”

“Are you?”

He shrugged.

“Then no, that does not make me feel better,” you scoffed, inspecting the wound now that it was dry. On the bright side, the box cutter being as old and dull as it was meant that the cut wasn’t very deep. The bleeding had already stopped. As you went to grab the band-aids from the first-aid kit, you realized Shotaro was still watching you, this time with a funny smile on his face. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re always so… cool. In like this unreachable, detached way. Is it bad to say I’m kind of enjoying seeing you like this too?”

“Panicking and pissed off that you’re not taking tetanus serious enough?” You shot him an unamused look, ripping open a band-aid. “Yes, I’d say that’s a strange thing to enjoy.”

“Strange,” he repeated happily. “Not bad.”

“I suppose that is what I said.” You wrapped the band-aid around the cut. “There. All better. Unless you get tetanus and die.”

“I pinky promise I won’t get tetanus and die.” He held the pinky finger of his injured hand out to you.

You eyed his hand. “I super don’t think that’s how this works.”

Shotaro shook it more insistently. You sighed, linking your pinky with his. “If you get tetanus and die, I’m going to kill you.”

“I super don’t think that’s how that works.”

Thursday rolled around, and you were actually grateful when a spotted head of hair poked into the back office that evening.

“I’m alive!” Shotaro announced cheerily.

“So you are.” You smiled, taking out his in-ears from the desk drawer, as well as the brand-new bag of Sour Patch Kids you had tucked in there. “For you. I can’t pay you with money for helping out, but I really do appreciate it, Shotaro. And I’m sorry that you got injured helping me, too. If Sour Patch aren’t your thing, let me know what you do like and I’ll pick some up for you next week.”

Anybody else would’ve thought you’d just given him a handmade sweater the way he clutched the bag of candy to his chest and looked at you with big eyes. “These are my favorites! How—Did Sungchan tell you or something?”

“Took a wild guess.” You finished up the online order you were placing for restocking your in-house merch. “Also, do you guys have merch?”

“Huh?” Shotaro was looking right at you, but clearly hadn’t heard a word you’d said.

“Merch. Shirts, CDs, stuff for people to buy. Do you guys have any? We can keep it in stock here.”

He blinked, finally processing your question. “We sold out of all our shirts on tour… and we were talking about getting new designs the next time we got some made anyway. We’ve only got a few CDs left now. So… no…”

You clicked your tongue, logging out of the computer and standing up. “Well, whenever you get to it, we can keep them stocked here for you guys. Oh, and I know a few good artists who do that kind of stuff, if you’re looking for someone.”

As you talked, you had started ushering Shotaro out of the office, shutting the door behind you. He stopped in the narrow hallway outside it, made even more cramped by the cardboard boxes of miscellaneous props, merch, and decorations stored back here because you had run out of room in your actual storage closet. He was so close you were certain you could accurately count the piercings on his ears and face if you were patient enough. You tried to take a step back, only to hit your head on the office door that you had just closed.

“Fuck!” You hissed under your breath, clutching your head. “Shotaro, you mind? Don’t you have a soundcheck to do or something?”

“Sorry! Are you okay?” He winced sympathetically, still not moving away, if anything, getting closer as he tried to check on you. “That didn’t sound good—”

“I’m fine!” You insisted. “Soundcheck! Go do it!”

“Right!” He gave you a thumbs-up, then shook his giant bag of candy. “Thank you again!”

After he had sprinted away, you let out a relieved groan, leaning back against the door and looking up at the water-stained ceiling.

“Is that sanitary?” Eunseok’s voice announced Roses for Eyes’ arrival that particular afternoon, as you sat atop the bar counter, scrolling on your phone in one of your few moments of peace and quiet around Venue:Hell.

“Kiss my ass, Eunseok,” you replied without even looking up.

“Yeah, I’ll get in line,” he retorted, making Sungchan and Wonbin laugh.

That finally prompted you to slide your gaze up, just in time to see the three of them laughing over by the stage as Shotaro flipped them all off over his shoulder, making his way towards you. He had two cups in one hand, one with a bright green straw in it, and the other without a straw, and you saw that the other three band members each had a plastic cup with a straw sticking out of them as well. You silently watched Shotaro approach, raising an eyebrow at him once he’d stopped in front of you.

“We were getting boba on our way here, and thought we’d grab you one, too.” His cheeks were a bright pink as he held the unopened cup out to you, and fished a packaged purple straw out from the front pocket of his black jean jacket.

“Who’s this ‘we’ that you’re talking about?” You asked humorously. “They all apparently think getting me boba is kissing my ass.”

Shotaro straightened up, puffing his chest out. “Actually, yeah. Fuck ‘em. I got you one because I thought it’d be nice to get you one too since you do so much for us every week. It’s uh-It’s honey milk tea, because I didn’t know what flavor you liked.”

“Thank you, Shotaro.” You accepted the cup and straw from him graciously, to a chorus of snickers from the spectators on the other side of the floor. “Honey milk tea is more than acceptable.”

“But it’s not your favorite?”

“I don’t have a favorite.” You set the cup on the bartop beside you to stab the straw into it.

“You—Hey, are those mine?” He seemed to have finally noticed the sunglasses perched atop your head.

“What? These?” You teased, tapping the plastic accessory arm on one side of your head.

“I was looking for those today!”

You took them off, offering them out towards him. “You left them here last week.”

Shotaro took the glasses just to turn them right back around, take a step closer to you, and place them back on your head, a fond smile on his face as he did so. “I think you look better in them, actually. You can hold onto them for a little longer.”

You swallowed, your chest suddenly feeling too tight for your heart, and six eyes suddenly feeling like way too many to be in the room with you two right now. You chuckled, trying to keep up the congenial tone as you once more pulled them off. This time, you folded the arms and tucked the sunglasses into Shotaro’s jacket pocket for him. “Thanks, Shotaro, but I can’t take your sunglasses. They’re really rockstar sunglasses anyway, not for someone like me.”

At that moment, you grabbed your boba tea and hopped off the bar, scooting out from between him and the counter. You avoided looking at the others, beelining for the back office.

When Shotaro had to come get his in-ears from you just a few minutes later, you gave him the same pleasant smile as usual, handing him the case. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” He tapped the case against his palm, the sound dampened by the fingerless gloves he was wearing that day. “What did you mean? When you said someone like you.”

“Wh—About the sunglasses?” You’d hardly expected him to confront you about that comment at all, much less alone now, just you and him in the office, no peanut gallery. While six eyes had felt like too many, this felt far too intimate. You somehow felt more exposed than before. “Like I said—They’re cool rockstar sunglasses, that’s what you are. You should wear them you know, up on stage, being all cool and stuff. I’m crew; no point in me wearing them while I’m sitting back here where nobody can see them.”

He frowned, but thankfully didn’t try to give them to you again. “I think you’re cool, Y/N.”

With that, he left the office.

“Hey—Woah.” Yangyang stopped midsentence, blinking at you from the office doorway.

“You’re losing your ears, puppy,” you snickered.

“I’m not a—!” He whined, catching the wolf ears that were sliding off his head just in time. “I’m a werewolf!���

“Sure,” you snorted, spinning your desk chair around to face him. “So what did you need, Yang?”

“Ten has a question about how we should set up the line out front.”

“Alright.” You stood up, smoothing out your long black dress. Today was Venue:Hell’s Halloween event, Hallowfreaks, so the whole staff was dressed up. You didn’t have time to think about a costume this time, so you just took out your Morticia Addams costume from last year.

Meeting Ten out front, you couldn’t even compliment his own “werewolf” costume, as he immediately tilted his head with interest upon seeing yours. You looked down at your dress, wondering if you had somehow spilled something on it unknowingly.

He didn’t leave you in the dark long, though. “You did a matching costume with Taro?”

“What?”

“Shotaro.”

The singer whipped around at the sound of his name. And there was no doubt as to who he was dressed as: His spotted blonde and black hair was slicked back and it looked like he had even used some kind of spray to make it fully black, he had donned a pinstriped suit and dress shoes, and drawn on a mustache to finish off the Gomez Addams look.

The initial recognition at his name being called turned to excitement as he realized what your costume was as well.

“Wait, seriously?!” He laughed, jumping up and down with elation. “That’s awesome!”

“I thought you guys would’ve done a group costume or something.” You crossed your arms.

“We were thinking about it, but Sungchan wanted to do a couple’s costume with his girlfriend. We thought it would look weird onstage if the three of us had a group costume without him, so we just all did our own thing.”

“Sensible.”

“C’mere, we’ve got to show them!” He grabbed your arm, and you let him drag you elsewhere backstage, into the green room where his other three band members were waiting around before their soundcheck. “Guys!”

“What’s this?” Eunseok grinned, pointing between the two of you.

“Taro, you didn’t mention you were doing a couple’s costume with Y/N,” Sungchan teased.

You rolled your eyes. “Not planned, you little shits.”

“Kinda weird that it happened, though,” Wonbin pointed out through a yawn. “Like, you know? What does it mean?”

“It means I was too lazy to buy a new costume and wore my one from last year, and Shotaro… I don’t know, something.”

“I like the movies,” he added quietly.

“He likes the movies!” You repeated triumphantly.

But the others were long gone, laughing and joking among themselves. Shaking your head, you turned back to Shotaro. “I’ll grab your in-ears.”

“I’ll come with.”

The venue was buzzing with excitement for the holiday, but the back office was quiet as always. You passed Kun in the hallway, giving him a quick nod as he rushed off to do something.

“Your in-ears,” you handed him the case, and a small bag of candy, “and Happy Halloween.”

“Sour Patch Kids!” His face lit up.

“Some place on my way to work was handing them out to people walking by. They’re not my favorite, so I figured I’d give it to you.”

“You don’t like them?” He questioned, ripping open the small package.

“They’re fine.” You shrugged, leaning back against the desk. “But you love them.”

He smiled as he grabbed a gummy. “Thanks.”

“This is Roses for Eyes’ first special event here, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is.” He confirmed. “Sungchan’s really excited.”

“Why’s that? He really like Halloween or something?”

“This is the first performance since we’ve had this gig that his girlfriend is going to be here for,” Shotaro explained. “She’s been on the road for the past two months.”

“She’s in the industry too?”

“Yeah, she does tour management.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to keep your voice as neutral as possible. “Good for them.”

“Yeah…” Shotaro looked at you carefully. “But why’d you say it like that?”

Not neutral enough, apparently. You purposefully avoided meeting his gaze. “Like what?”

“Like… I don’t know. Like you had another opinion.”

“I meant it. Good for them.” You hoped at least that much came across as genuine. “I’ve been around the scene for long enough to see plenty of relationships like that end badly. Especially ones between talent and crew.”

His big eyes watched you carefully as he chewed, swallowed, and cautiously asked, “Personal experience?”

“What did I just say? I’ve seen it. Not had it happen to me,” you replied firmly. Pointing to the door, you said, “Now go do your soundcheck, Shotaro.”

You were waiting backstage for Roses for Eyes after their set. The stage was being prepared for the next live act, and the band was still energetic.

“Good job, guys,” you congratulated them as Shotaro handed over his in-ears.

“Thanks.” Sungchan patted your head as he hurried by, apparently with somewhere to be.

“He’s got to find his girlfriend,” Eunseok informed you, wiping his face with his shirt, and taking half his No Face facepaint off in the process.

You narrowed your eyes at Shotaro. “Missing something?”

“I gave you them!” He defended himself.

“Your guitar.”

He patted his front and back, eyes going wide. “Shit!”

Wonbin and Eunseok burst into laughter as Shotaro darted back onto stage, apologizing to the staff and band still setting up. The other two wandered off, presumably to put their own equipment away. Shotaro snatched his guitar from the stand and ran back over to you, panting as he tried to catch his breath.

“Okay, that’s the first time that’s ever happened,” he promised.

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“I saw you in the back, during some of the set,” he was absolutely beaming at you.

“Yeah, with Kun here tonight, I can actually get some breathing room. I was able to stop and watch a bit.” You patted his arm. “Like I said, good job, mon cher.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, smiling down at his feet. “Thanks, cara mia.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, covering your mouth as you did.

“What? What’s so funny?” He asked with a chuckle.

“It is pretty funny that we accidentally did two halves of a matching costume. Everyone had a right to be weirded out.”

“Oh, yeah,” he agreed. “Weird coincidence, right?”

“Anyway, you should put your guitar away before you lose it again and I have to confiscate that as well, okay?”

“Okay, okay.”

“I’m going to put your in-ears in the office. If you guys don’t have anything better to do, Hallowfreaks is going on until 2 a.m.”

“Don’t tell me you’re working that whole time?” He asked in disbelief.

“Where else would I be?”

Winter rolled around, and you were once again crouched behind the merch counter doing inventory. Seasons change, but the pain of doing inventory never does.

“Nah, it’ll be Taro,” Yangyang insisted.

“I think it’ll be Sungchan trying to embarrass Taro,” Kunhang replied.

“Mm, could be Eunseok trying to piss Y/N off while simultaneously embarrassing Taro,” Ten gave his input on whatever the hell they were talking about near Yangyang’s sound equipment.

You poked your head above the merch counter now that you’d heard your own name. “Hey! What are you guys talking about?”

Three heads peeked around the black curtains. Ten answered your question, “We’re betting on which one of them will say something first when they get here today.”

“And none of you said Wonbin because he’ll probably be half-asleep anyway,” you guessed.

“Yep!” Kunhang nodded.

You just sighed loudly and went back to your task. A few minutes later, the back door opened, followed by the overlapping voices of Sungchan and Shotaro in a quiet but heated argument about… something indistinguishable to you. It was ended by an alarmingly loud smacking sound followed by dead silence, which prompted you to peer over the counter, a little concerned. The guys would playfight or bicker sometimes, but it always devolved into laughter.

The four of them were silent, but the angry tension was choking. You tried to quickly duck your head back down, hoping nobody saw you. But of course Shotaro did. It was only a few minutes later, after they put all their stuff down in the green room, that Shotaro was leaning over the merch counter on his elbows to talk to you.

“Hi, Y/N.” He offered you a smile, but you noticed it seemed a little strained this time.

“Hey, Shotaro,” you greeted him, not addressing the band’s entrance. Having just finished up with inventory, you stood up, groaning with relief.

The singer’s smile turned genuine then. “You’re wearing our merch.”

You looked down at the front of the hoodie you were wearing. “Oh, yeah. Don’t worry, I paid for it.”

“I wasn’t worried about that.” His eyes shined as he looked at you. “I’m—I didn’t think you’d…”

“I’ve gotta rep the home team, right?” You gestured to the building around you. “It’s super comfy, too. Come on, let’s get your in-ears.”

In the office, you grabbed the case from the desk, watching Shotaro fuss with his lipring with his front teeth, bouncing from his heels to his toes.

“Look,” you sighed. “You don’t have to tell me what it’s about… but is everything okay with you guys?”

He pulled at his fingerless gloves. “You didn’t hear what Sungchan was saying?”

“No, nothing.”

“We’ll be okay,” he reassured you. “We’ve had worse fights. I mean, not since I was like, twelve, but it’ll be fine.”

You let your uncertainty be visible on your face. “Alright, you know him better than I do. Like I always say, if you need something, let me know.”

“Thanks, Y/N. I appreciate that you’re concerned about us.” Shotaro held a hand out for his in-ears, and you placed them in his waiting palm.

A little while later, you went out to start setting up the stools to find Shotaro alone on stage tuning his guitar. You went about your business as he seemed absorbed in his own task.

“I looked it up,” Shotaro called out to you before he played a chord, then adjusted one of the tuning pegs. “There’s no cure for tetanus.”

You looked at him over your shoulder, pulling a stool down from the high-top. “I know.”

Another chord. “I know you know.” More tuning. “You said that when I cut myself with the box cutter.”

“And…?”

“How did you know that?”

“My sister’s a doctor,” you answered simply, continuing to set up the furniture.

The guitarist stopped completely, staring at you. “Wait, really?”

“Why do you look so surprised?” You chuckled, leaning against one of the tables. “Can’t believe I’m related to a doctor and work in this place?”

“No, not that.” He shook his head as if trying to shake himself out of a stupor. “You just never tell me about that kind of stuff.”

“We both lived at home when she was in med school. I helped her with flashcards and stuff when she’d study.” You shrugged and went back to setting up. “Random stuff stuck.”

The other members of Roses for Eyes came out on stage then, cutting the conversation short as they started their soundcheck.

Poking your head into the band’s green room that particular evening, you were surprised to only find one member. Sure, a couple might be out on a food run, or wandering around the venue distracting your staff, but more often than not they were all in here between soundcheck and their set.

Regardless, you really only needed one of them at the moment. “Shotaro.”

“Yes!” He immediately shot up from where he had been sprawled out on the tiny couch, facing away from the door. His dalmatian hair had finally faded, and he was now completely platinum blonde with a shorter, spikier cut.

You quickly shot your boss a text back as you also flicked through the upcoming events spreadsheet for the venue. Not even looking up from your phone, you asked, “Got Valentine’s Day plans?”

Something collided with the edge of the table as Shotaro fell off the couch at that exact moment. You glimpsed the tail end of him scrambling to his feet, rushing to answer you, “No! Not at all! Uhm, what were you—”

“We’re putting on an Anti-Romantics Event for singles that night,” you explained, reviewing the details for the event on your screen. “Mix of live stuff and deejayed. Some games, raffles, that kind of stuff too. The headliner slot is yours if you guys want it.”

Shotaro nodded fervently. “Yeah! We can do it!”

You raised an eyebrow, looking around the empty room pointedly. “You’re not going to ask the other guys? I figured at least Sungchan might be doing something, you know…”

“Right. I’ll uhm, I’ll double-check with them.”

“I’ll pencil you guys in. Just let me know as soon as possible, okay?”

“Y/N?” Shotaro’s voice echoed as he yelled your name from the main room, obviously just wandering around shouting for you. Tonight was Venue:Hell’s Anti-Romantics Event, and Roses for Eyes had ended up accepting the headliner spot. Apparently, Sungchan’s girlfriend was really chill.

“In here!” You yelled back from inside the women’s bathroom, hunched in front of the mirror with an eyeliner pen and pile of used makeup remover wipes.

“Shit, sorry! I mean, uh—Never mind!”

“I’m doing my make-up,” you snorted. “You can come in.”

The swinging door opened hesitantly, and as soon as he was able to see that you were telling the truth, Shotaro entered fully. You wiped off your latest fail with a groan, grabbing all of the used wipes and tossing them in the trash.

“What are you doing?” He asked curiously.

“I’m trying to draw a broken heart on my cheek,” you explained. “But I can’t draw on my own face for shit.”

“Can I…?” He reached for the eyeliner. You handed it over, leaning back against the sink. He gently tilted your chin up and away from him to give him better access. You looked off to the side to avoid staring directly at him as he leaned in. “So you didn’t have any Valentine’s plans?”

“Nope.”

“Me neither.”

“I figured.”

He chuckled, his warm breath washing over your cheek. “Ouch.”

You rolled your eyes. “You already told me you didn’t have any plans.”

“Right.”

“I like your necklace.” You picked up the heavy chain from where it was sitting on his chest, several miniature heart lockets hanging from it.

“Thanks,” he murmured. “I think your makeup is nice.”

“I’m a sucker for a theme.”

Shotaro took a step back to look at his handiwork, nodding proudly. “Not half-bad, I think.”

You turned to check on it in the mirror, lighting up when you saw a much more legible broken heart than all the ones you’d attempted. “Oh, that’s so much better! Thank you, Shotaro!”

“You’re welcome.”

Eyeing the rest of his outfit, you were struck with an idea. You grabbed him by the shoulders, spinning the two of you around so his back was to the sink. “Your turn.”

“Hm?” He watched you with interest as you took the eyeliner pen from him and tossed it into your makeup bag, rooting around in there for something else. Finally, you secured a compact of blush and brush, holding them up eagerly.

“Trust me?” You requested.

He smiled fondly, relaxing back against the sink. “Go for it.”

You dusted the bright-colored blush across his cheeks and nose, focusing the majority of it in the center. When you were done, you had a victorious grin on your face. He now looked like a perfect little pop punk Cupid. The rest of his outfit was his usual mishmash of black and bright neon colors—this time solely hot pink—accessorized with more black, spikes, and metal chains. The blush was just the icing on the cake, especially when you saw that he had put a teeny, tiny silver heart stud in his nose piercing.

“Perfect,” you announced with finality, putting the makeup away.

Shotaro blinked his eyes open uncertainly, and you gestured for him to look in the mirror. He laughed, nodding his approval. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought you were doing.”

“Let me know how many numbers you leave with at the end of the night,” you quipped.

“What?” All the humor was drained from his features as he looked from the mirror over to you.

“Uhm, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’re the frontman of the headlining act at an event for singles on Valentine’s Day, and I just made you look ten times more edible than usual.” You patted him on the shoulder. “You’re welcome.”

“I don’t want anybody’s number.”

You were slightly alarmed at the rate that this conversation had taken a nosedive, quickly trying to gloss over the tense moment. “Of course. Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“You really think I’m edible?” He asked with a knowing smirk.

“Mm, I guess I did say something like that,” you answered noncommittally, grabbing your makeup bag. “I’ll go get your in-ears for you.”

“I’m not them.” Shotaro’s biting words stopped you in your tracks before you could even grab the door handle.

“What?”

He was still leaning back against the sink, crossing his arms over his chest as he held your confused gaze. “Whoever you’re comparing me to in your head. Whoever you think I’m going to end up being exactly like. I’m not them.”

“Shotaro…” You breathed out his name, unable to think of a quick deflection this time, hoping he would just let it go.

“You’re not stupid, Y/N. I know you’re not.” He stood up, stepping closer to you. “You always stop yourself right before… I’m sure you think you’re not leading me on or whatever, but I know you know how stupidly head over heels I am for you, because I don’t try to hide it.”

You winced, your stomach dropping to the floor. So he really did want to have this conversation. “I’m sorry. I should’ve said something. I thought… I don’t know, that I needed better words before I said anything. But saying something would’ve been better than doing this to you. I’m so sorry, Shotaro.”

“Tell me. Whatever words you do have, even if you think they’re bad,” he insisted.

“Why?”

“Because I still want to know everything about you, even if it’s the reasons you’re rejecting me,” he chuckled cynically, his eyes still shining as he looked at you.

You sank your teeth into your bottom lip as you tried to think of where to start. You knew you owed Shotaro this much, at least. Finally, you decided on, “I dated the lead singer of a band a few years ago, when I started here. I was young and stupidly in love with him and really believed him when he told me I was special. He was cheating on me the whole time.” You watched Shotaro’s eyes go big. “Every time he went on tour, even at concerts here. I think the worst part wasn’t even how many times he cheated on me, but how many times I caught him doing it and believed him when he said it meant nothing and he’d never do it again.”

“Y/N—”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Shotaro. Really,” you reassured him. “I-I don’t know if I can trust myself to not… realize when something like that is happening again. To not realize when I’ve lost myself like that. I’m sorry.”

You rushed out of the bathroom then, unable to bring yourself to hear what he said next, whatever surely sweet, reassuring, reasonable thing he would say. You couldn’t hear it, not now. You were stuck, and now you’d gotten Shotaro stuck too.

Grabbing the in-ears from your office, you were glad to almost immediately catch Kunhang in the hallway. “Hey, give these to Shotaro for me.”

He thankfully didn’t question it, and you set off to keep yourself even busier than usual. Which wouldn’t be hard, as Kun wasn’t in that night, meaning that you were overseeing the whole event on your own. You didn’t even see Shotaro again until he was on stage performing with the rest of Roses for Eyes. You were helping out behind the merch table, as the limited-edition event merch you’d gotten was apparently very popular and the bunching up of people around the counter was clogging up the small area.

“They’re killing it tonight,” Ten commented loudly to be heard over the crowd and the music, nodding towards the stage.

“Yeah,” you agreed mildly, watching the performance out of the corner of your eye as you straightened up the stock.

“They’ve been doing really well with the weekly slot, too.”

“Mhm.”

“I heard they’re planning a mini-tour in the summer, though.”

“Cool.”

“Taro mentioned anything to you about that?”

You flashed him a sharp look. “Why would he have told me anything?”

“Because you’re their contact for the slot here?” He gave you a bewildered look back. “They’d have to tell you so you could tell Kun and find someone to fill the slot while they’re gone?”

“Right. Yeah. No, nobody’s said anything to me.”

“And also, he’s got a huge crush on you.”

“God, shut up,” you groaned.

“What? It’s adorable to watch him follow you around like a lost puppy,” your coworker snickered. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed?”

“I’m telling you to shut up about it.”

“Come on, taking the theme a little too literally, Y/N?”

You rolled your eyes, opting to not engage with the conversation at all since he apparently wasn’t going to move on. The presence of the headliner on stage was finally drawing some of the crowd away from the merch line.

Giving Ten an unsympathetic smile, you started backing away from the counter, “Alright, I think you’ve got it from here.”

Ten was still grinning and shaking his head as he let you go without a fight, helping the next person in line. You continued running around the venue, helping with anything that popped up.

As Kunhang was announcing the winners of some of the raffles later in the night, you had eyed trouble at the bar. Sicheng, your bartender, was obviously trying to decline service to an insistent patron while a line of other guests bunched up around the bar.

“Is there a problem here, Sicheng?” You asked, stepping into the situation.

“Oh, Y/N,” he breathed a sigh of relief. “He’s had too many, can you—”

“I’ve got it, you keep serving people,” you reassured him. With his attention on the next people, you turned back to the other man. The guy had clearly had too much to drink, pink-faced and swaying in place. “You’ve had enough, man. How about we get you a water, okay? Or a soda?”

“No, I want another beer!” He insisted.

“No can do, sorry,” you informed him firmly. “Water, soda, or nothing. Alright?”

“Who the fuck are you to tell me no?”

“Manager of the building you’re in right now.”

“Well, manager, tell him to get me another beer.”

“No,” you repeated. “Look, dude, I know tonight can especially suck, but there’s other things to do besides drink. You are cut off. Let’s get you a water, hm?”

“No.”

“Did you come with friends? I can help get you back to them.”

He got up in your face then, and you stepped back, unwittingly jamming the bartop right into your own ribcage. “I said no, bitch.”

“I’m going to ask you to leave if you don’t calm down and get out of my fucking face,” you informed him through gritted teeth. “Come on, dude, don’t make this a bigger deal than it has to be.”

Before he could say anything else, someone grabbed the guy by the shoulder, pulling him away from you. At first you hoped that it was come friends of the guy, finally caught on to what was going on, but your blood turned cold when you saw who it really was.

“Hey, get out of her face,” Shotaro told him, rather calmly, but firmly.

In the next second, the drunk guy had swung, his fist impacting with Shotaro’s face and making his head jerk back. The crowd around you three gasped and backed up, and you felt both anger and panic flood your veins.

“You’re done!” You announced loudly. “Out! Get the fuck out! Sicheng! Call security!”

Your bartender was already on it, his walkie-talkie up by his mouth and his request for back-up coming through your own earpiece very clearly. You watched the venue’s guard who very rarely had to leave his post by the front door lumber up, grabbing the guy by the collar and pulling him through the crowd.

Shotaro was stood in the same spot, slightly hunched over as he held onto the edge of the bar, cradling his cheek. You sighed, grabbing his arm. “Come on.”

He let you guide him away from the crowd, the din of the music fading as you took him into the back office, shutting the door behind you. You gestured to the desk chair for him to sit in, and he obliged. After getting out the small first aid kit that was kept in here, you leaned back against the desk, pulling his hand down from his face to inspect the damage.

“We have security, you know,” you said quietly, cracking a cold pack and massaging it in your hands to get the reaction going.

“Didn’t seem like they were helping you,” he replied.

You grabbed a couple tissues from the dispenser on the desk, pressing them to where blood was welling up from a cut on his cheek. “Because I hadn’t called them.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was handling it.” Tossing the bloodied tissues in the trash, you applied a band-aid to the open wound before holding the cold pack out to him.

He accepted it, looking down at his lap guiltily. “I’m sorry.”

“C’mere.” You stood up and stepped closer to him, reaching for his face with both your hands.

“Hm?” He looked up at you curiously. You turned his head so you could gently press your thumbs against his cheekbone and the area around his eye where he’d been hit. “Ow…”

“Sorry. I don’t think he broke anything. You’ll probably just have some bruising for a while,” you declared softly, pulling his hand that was holding the cold pack up to his cheek. “And a nasty cut from his ugly rings.”

He chuckled a little, and you smiled back. “Learn that from your sister?”

“No, just had to break up a few fights here before.”

“Really?”

“We weren’t always such a classy establishment,” you joked, sitting back down on the edge of the desk in front of him. “We’re called Venue:Hell for a reason, and not just because we’re underground.”

“Here I thought you guys were just trying to be edgy.”

You were still replaying it in your mind, of how quick it happened, from Shotaro grabbing the guy to him getting punched. “You thought that guy was going to hit me or something, right?”

“He was getting up in your face…” He hissed and pulled the cold pack down from his face for a moment, then put it back up, wincing. “Even if he didn’t, he shouldn’t have been yelling at you like that.”

“Occupational hazard,” you shrugged. After a beat, you added sincerely, “Thanks, Shotaro.”

“Why do you call me Shotaro? To keep me at a distance?” He asked, a thoughtful frown on his face. “Everyone calls me Taro, I even told you to call me Taro. But you never have.”

“I’m pretty sure you said that I can call you Taro, not that you wanted me to,” you pointed out. Seeing the distress on his face, though, you said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it meant so much to you.”

“It doesn’t, really. But when it’s you… it hurts. Everything feels like the best thing that’s ever happened to me and the worst at the same time.”

“I…” You trailed off uncertainly. What were you even supposed to say to that?

“Like, I make you laugh and I’m fucking on Cloud Nine. And then I somehow take it too far, or say something that makes you run away and I kind of feel like I’m literally dying.” He slumped back into the desk chair with a sharp laugh, still pressing the cold pack to his face.

“That sounds awful, I’m so—”

“No, stop it. It’s not awful, and I want you to stop apologizing to me.”

“Okay.”

Shotaro sighed, looking down at his free hand as he futzed with his jewelry. “That guy’s rings were pretty ugly.”

You let out a sputtering laugh, happy for some of the tension in your chest to dissolve in that moment. “Yeah, they really were.”

That night, you got home from work in the wee hours of the morning, not even bothering to turn your apartment light on, simply tossing your backpack in the direction of your couch and shuffling towards your bedroom. You got ready for bed on autopilot, exhausted as you always were after work.

Wiping off your makeup in the mirror, you hovered over the broken heart on your cheek, recalling just how fast that conversation had gone downhill, then Shotaro getting punched later in the night. Letting out a deep breath, you finished up in the bathroom and shut that light off. After changing into your pajamas, you lay in bed alone, staring up at your ceiling. Alone. You’d be going back to Venue:Hell in less than ten hours. And after that, you’d come home again. Alone. Then go back to work. Then come home. Then go back. Then come home. Work. Home. Work. Home. Work. Home. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone.

The line rang, and rang, and with every ring, your urge to hang up grew. Of fucking course he didn’t want to talk to you—

“Y/N?” Shotaro’s voice was foggy, and it was apparent you’d woken him.

“Taro, hey,” you said quietly, already regretting this. “I woke you up, didn’t I? Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he grumbled, and you heard the sounds of him rolling over and readjusting in bed. “Is everything okay? You’re not still at work, are you?”

“No, no, I’m home.”

“Okay, good.”

“Uhm, I just—” You were cut off by a very loud yawn from him. “Sorry, it’s really late and you’ve got to be tired. We can do this later.”

“No, go ahead. You apparently thought it was important enough to call me at fuck you a.m. in the morning,” he chuckled sleepily. “We can do it now. I won’t interrupt again. Promise.”

You took a deep breath, still staring at the inky dark expanse of your ceiling. “I just was thinking… some more… And I do really like you, and if you still… want to… Do you have plans later?”

You heard something thunk, and a loud clunk right by the mic, making you wince away from your speaker, then the distant sounds of him cursing as he scrambled around.

“Sorry, dropped you,” he apologized, sounding much more awake now. “You mean like, not for work?”

���Yeah, like, hanging out. Not at work,” you confirmed. God, is your heartbeat always this fucking loud?

“Yes, absolutely. Yes! Fuck!” He agreed giddily, and you couldn’t help but grin too.

“Okay, uhm, I have to get the venue set up for a show at seven tonight, but we could do lunch before or something? If that works for you?”

“Totally! Yes!”

“Cool.” You smiled at your screen as you checked the time. “It is way too fucking late. Just text me when you wake up and we can sort everything out then.”

“I will. Absolutely.”

“I’ll talk to you then.”

“Yes.”

“Thanks, Taro. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

After some much-needed sleep, you slowly got up, sitting at the edge of your bed, letting your feet graze the carpet below. You were home now, alone, and later you’d be going to work. But before that, you were going to be doing something else. Going somewhere else with someone else.

Speaking of, your phone rang, an incoming call from Shotaro. You picked it up, still rubbing sleep out of one eye. “Mm?”

“Was it real?” He asked in lieu of a greeting.

“What?” You chuckled. “What are you talking about?”

“Do I need a lobotomy right now, or are we actually going on a date?”

You burst into laughter, holding your phone away from your mouth as your laughter devolved into a coughing fit, blindly grabbing for your water cup from your nightstand. After recovering enough, you finally answered, “Hold off on the lobotomy for now.”

“Oh, it was real,” he let out a sigh of relief. “God, I seriously woke up and couldn’t tell if I had dreamt that whole conversation or not.”

“No, I really did call you at ‘fuck you a.m. in the morning’ last night, sorry.”

He snickered. “I said that?”

“You did.”

“Well, you’re more than welcome to call me at fuck you a.m. any night, especially if it’s going to be something that good.” His grin was audible through the phone. “So what time should I pick you up?”

“We haven’t even decided where we’re going?”

“Lunch,” he said confidently. “I’ve got it. You did the hard part, let me do the rest.”

You looked at the time on your phone. “Two hours?”

“Done. Send me your address.”

“Hey—Oh my God,” you cut yourself off laughing, covering your face as soon as you saw Shotaro standing there with a bouquet of flowers. “You seriously—Oh my God.”

“What? What is funny about this?” He held them out to you even more insistently.

You accepted them, still shaking your head. “Nothing. Come in so I can put them in water.”

He obliged, quietly closing your door behind him.

“I just honestly don’t think a man has ever brought me flowers,” you admitted, opening your cabinet to try to find some kind of vessel. “I was caught off-guard. I didn’t mean to laugh in your face, I’m sorry. You’re very sweet, Taro.”

“Seriously?” He watched you bring down an old empty water jug and fill it up from your sink, then plop the flowers in there.

“Seriously.” You paused in front of him, eyes focused on his left cheek, where a bruise had blossomed out far beyond the edges of the bandage you’d applied last night. Frowning, you delicately touched just under his cheekbone. “How is it?”

“I’m fine,” he reassured you, letting you continue to inspect the wound. “Barely even feel it.”

“Liar.”

He beamed. “Maybe.”

“You know that I’m going to be kind of bad at this, right?” You asked in a lull in conversation at lunch, picking at your food with your utensil.

“At… eating?” Shotaro asked in turn, his cheeks full with his own food as he looked at you with wide, confused eyes. “You seem to be doing pretty alright to me.”

“No,” you chuckled and shook your head. “At… this.” You pointed between the two of you. “It’s been a while, and I didn’t have the best experience last time.”

He swallowed and nodded, offering his hand out across the table, palm up. “I know.” Hesitantly, you put your own hand in his, and he squeezed yours gently, a soft smile on his face as he gazed at you. “Like I said, you already did the hard part, that’s why I’m taking care of everything else today. I get how difficult it must be for you to be doing this right now.”

“Thanks.” You squeezed his hand back.

“You really don’t have to do this,” you sighed as you and Shotaro walked down the sidewalks together after lunch.

“What are you talking about? Of course I have to make sure my girlfriend gets to work safe,” he scoffed, elbowing you.

“Hey hey hey!” You smacked his arm. “We’ve been on one date, kinda. What’s with the g-word?”

“‘The g-word,’” he repeated with a snicker. “If it makes you feel better, you can call me the b-word.”

“Bitch?” You blinked at him innocently.

He elbowed you again. “Rude!”

You laughed loudly, clutching your stomach as you had to stop to catch your breath. “Come on, you walked right into that one.”

“Yeah, I did.” He agreed, watching you with a fond smile on his face.

“I’m serious though, you can’t just be throwing words like that around after one kinda-date.”

Shotaro grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers through yours as you kept walking. “And what is the difference between a date and a kinda-date?”

“I don’t know. We were just like… hanging out. You know?” You shrugged. “I don’t know, I told you I was going to be bad at this!”

He laughed. “I brought you flowers, paid for your lunch, we’re holding hands… I’m failing to see how this isn’t date behavior.”

You looked down at your entwined hands, skin heating up. “Point taken.”

You’d made it to Venue:Hell and approached the back door, taking your keys out of your pocket.

“You know what else people do on dates?” He asked slyly, tugging on your hand so you’d turn around and face him. “Kiss goodbye.”

“Talking like I’ve never been on a date ever,” you scoffed, hooking your fingers in his belt loops and pulling him closer. You smiled when you saw his cheeks turn bright pink—no blush necessary this time. Shotaro’s hands landed on your waist as you grabbed the back of his neck and slotted your lips together. The cool metal of his lip ring pressed against your skin, made even colder by the crisp weather outside. He met you beat for beat, never taking over, following your lead until you finally broke apart. The kiss was sweet, reminiscent of the boba tea you’d grabbed after lunch.

“Ah, shit,” he chuckled, hanging his head.

“What?”

“Now I don’t want to go.” He snuck another kiss to your cheek, just grazing the corner of your mouth.

“You’re a menace.” You sighed, in a similar predicament. With warning in your voice, you said, “You can hang out—”

“Yes!” He cheered.

“—until somebody else gets here,” you finished your sentence pointedly, turning around to unlock the door. “Because some people actually work around here, and you’re not performing tonight.”

“Pretty sure you’re the only person who actually does any work around here,” he teased.

“I know, which is why I can’t have you distracting everyone else even more.” You unlocked the door and disabled the alarm, leading Shotaro in by the hand.

“I’m not a distraction!”

“All you’ve been doing for the past six months is distracting me.”

“I help you!”

You clicked your tongue. “And get injured in the process.”

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, following you into the office. “It’s the thought that counts?”

“Let me change your band-aid, while you’re here,” you offered, pointing to the desk chair. “You’ve still got the same gross one on from last night.”

Shotaro peeled off the old bandage and tossed it in the trash while you grabbed a new one from the first aid kit.

“I’m going to have to tell Kun,” you said carefully, opening the new band-aid. “About this.”

He stayed still as you applied the new bandage, then asked, “Me getting punched or us going out?”

“Both.” You groaned and rubbed your face. “Ugh, I don’t even know which one I should start with. Don’t say anything until I tell him, please.”

“I will not tell anybody else until you talk to Kun,” he promised, the phrasing making you narrow your eyes.

“You already told all your bandmates.”

He folded immediately. “Can you blame me? I was excited!”

“The whole building is going to know by soundcheck on Thursday,” you lamented, covering your face.

“I’ll tell the guys I was kidding.”

“They’ll think you’ve lost it.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, probably.”

“As much as I appreciate your willingness to have your best friends think you’re an absolute weirdo loser who would lie about something like that,” you patted his shoulders, “I won’t ask you to do that.”

“I appreciate that.”

You heard the distinct clang of the back door closing, and sighed regretfully. “That’s your cue.”

“Fine, fine.” He stood up, pecking your forehead. “Pick you up later?”

“I get off at midnight?”

“So?”

“Don’t be late,” you hummed, grabbing the door handle.

It was Kunhang who had arrived, clearly surprised to see Shotaro there. “Oh, hey Taro. What are you doing here?”

“He forgot something.” You used the most reasonable excuse.

“Maybe we should just start stapling stuff to you, man,” Kunhang laughed.

“Great idea.” You grinned, patting Shotaro’s arm as you continued ushering him towards the door.

In the stairwell, concealed from your coworker’s gaze, he leaned in, whispering right next to your ear. “I did almost forget something, actually.”

You arched an eyebrow at him, and he cupped your cheek, rings cold against your skin. Your eyes fluttered shut on instinct as you let him tilt your chin, connecting your lips. Your blood roared in your ears as you scrunched his t-shirt in your fist.

The back door opened, and you couldn’t reel back quick enough. To your horror, it was Kun standing there, blinking at you as his keys dangled in one hand.

“Excuse me,” he cleared his throat, scooting right between you and Shotaro in the narrow space of the stairway. He looked back, speaking directly to the singer with you, “Nice shiner there, Taro.”

Shotaro touched his bruised cheek on instinct, giving your manager a thumbs-up with his other hand. “Thanks.”

Kun said nothing else, whistling to himself as he walked further into the venue. You looked at Shotaro with wide eyes, practically shoving him out the door as he burst into laughter.

“Goodbye, Taro!” You said loudly over his cackles.

“See you later,” he whispered back, shooting you a wink right before you slammed the door in his face.

As you turned the corner, you were alarmed to see Kunhang peering at you from his station. “What?”

“Since when do you call him ‘Taro’?”

Upon entering the back office, you saw Kun sitting at the desk, working on something on the computer. He held a familiar pair of silver sunglasses out to you without even taking his eyes off the screen. “I think Taro left these here.”

“Yeah, those are his,” you confirmed, accepting the frames from him. “Uhm, a patron at the event last night had too much to drink, and ended up punching him, by the way.”

Kun looked over at you at that information, lifting both his eyebrows in disbelief. “Taro got into a barfight?”

“He didn’t hit him back, or start it, really. Sicheng and I were trying to cut the other guy off, but he was getting pissed off.”

“Ahh, he thought he was helping you.” Your manager nodded in understanding.

“About that, we’ve only been on one date, and—”

“I don’t need to know all the details. I just don’t want to have to enter the building like that ever again, okay?”

“Heard.”

He cracked a grin then. “I will say—I like him a lot better than the last one.”

“God, don’t remind me,” you groaned and shook your head.

“And that’s the last time I’ll ever bring him up. I’m glad he’s gone.” Kun held his hands up in surrender. “Now go find something to do.”

“Ten’s not scheduled for tonight, so I’m on the front.”

“Go do that.”

“Heard.” You clicked your tongue and gave him a casual salute, heading back out of the office.

Kunhang found you again setting up the barricades for the queue out front. He squinted at you, then laughed, “Oh, those looked like Taro’s sunglasses for a second.”

“They are,” you answered nonchalantly, pushing the frames back up where they were sliding down the bridge of your nose.

“Why are you wearing his sunglasses?”

“Because he forgot them here, it’s bright as hell out, and I don’t have another pair on me.”

“That’s… reasonable.”

“You said that weird.”

“Well, here’s the thing—” Your coworker stopped where he was rearranging the barricades, facing you. “I don’t think you’ve noticed but I’m like… 99% sure the guy has a huge crush on you.”

You kept a straight face. “Really?”

“Yeah, the poor guy is like… so down bad it’s not even funny anymore. Kinda a bit sad, actually.” He sighed. “So I just think that you wearing his sunglasses… it’s gonna mess with his head, you know?”

“You think so?” You scrunched your nose, pretending to think really hard about it.

“Yeah.”

You eventually shook your head. “I don’t know, I don’t think he does…”

It was ten till midnight, and you looked between the time and the back door.

“If you’ve got somewhere you need to be, you can go,” Kunhang nudged you with his knee.

“Yeah, you’ve been checking your phone every ten seconds,” Yangyang snorted, scrolling on his phone. “Seriously, we’ve got it. We’ve done a bajillion dance nights, and Kun is here in case something goes horribly wrong.”

You ignored them, instead looking directly at your sound tech. “Hey, Yang, weird question: Do you think Taro has a crush on me?”

He burst out laughing, grabbing his sides as he keeled forward, barely catching himself on Kunhang’s leg. Still giggling, he sobered up enough to say, “Well, duh. Y/N, oh my God, I never pegged you for an idiot. What the fuck? Did you seriously not—”

The back door opened then, and you immediately spotted Shotaro descending the stairs, looking around the crowded room.

“That’s spooky,” Yangyang muttered. “Do you think he like, heard me somehow?”

“He was here earlier to see Y/N,” Kunhang said pointedly. “See? He totally—”

You simply raised your hand and waved until Shotaro saw you, immediately perking up and making his way across the venue. Your coworkers had half a mind to shut up as the guitarist stopped in front of you three.

“Hey guys,” he smiled at the other two, then pointed at the sunglasses perched atop your head. “Those are mine.”

“You forgot them here,” you informed him smugly, leaning back in your seat and taking them off. You let them dangle by the arm off the tip of your finger as you held them out to him.

“I told you I forgot something,” he teased, taking the sunglasses back. He turned the shades around, leaning in as he tucked them back into your hair. “They look better on you anyway.”

You left them there this time, grinning up at him. “I think you’re right, actually.”

“You good to go?”

“Yep.” You got to your feet, tossing your dumbfounded coworkers a goodbye over your shoulder. Shotaro’s hand found yours, keeping you close as you weaved through the crowd.

It was Thursday again, and you were backstage, monitoring the band as they got ready to go on. There was a hustle and bustle like usual, and right as they were preparing to step onto stage, you called out expectantly, “Taro? Forget something?”

“Oh, right,” he grinned and shook his head, jogging over to you. He held your face with two hands, kissing you right there backstage, his lips still sugary sweet from the Sour Patch Kids he’d been snacking on moments prior.

After he’d pulled back, you held up his in-ears and pack, which he’d given you when he needed a very last-minute run to the bathroom. “I meant these.”

You could hear the snickers from his bandmates as he took the equipment from you, rushing to put it all back on. “Yeah, that too, I guess. What if I said I’ve been losing things on purpose this entire time as a genius ploy to—”

“Go perform already! I’m sick of you!” You rolled your eyes dramatically and pushed him away, back towards the stage.

“Fine, only because you asked so nicely.” He winked, dashing back over just in time to run out on stage with the rest of the band.

“What the hell?” Ten was just off to your side, staring at you, accompanied by Sicheng. You didn’t want to know who was at the bar right now.

“What?” You tilted your head innocently, walking over to them.

“Taro just kissed you?” He looked around, bewildered. “Sicheng, that was crazy, right?”

“Huh?” Your bartender glanced between the two of you, seeming just as lost. “Have they not been dating this whole time?”

⤷ au masterlist | blog masterlist

[puppy-phum]

get to know me

am going to mix these two different tag games into one post so thank you a lot for tagging me @jazthespazz and @i-am-just-a-kiddo ♥

it’s somehow funny to do these same games again after a while so let’s see what I come up with:

Part I

name: real name petra but i prefer vish/vishie over here ^^ 

pronouns: she/her

star sign: aries ♈

height: 178cm (which am coming more and more proud of while i realize how damn tall every cdrama actor is lol)

time: 10:37pm as am answering this one

birthday: 10th april!

nationality: finnish 

fave bands/groups: ah well this is always a hard question but let’s go with these: BTS, DAY6, OneRepublic, Hurts, Oneus, Hoppipolla, TXT, Red, Mamamoo

fave solo artists: (forgive me if i’ve assumed any of these wrong) Novo Amor, Talos, Crywolf, Liu Yuning, SYML, EDEN, PVRIS, Joker Xue, NF, Halsey, Sleeping At Last, Nuz, HyunA, Sam Smith, Taemin

song stuck in your head: it’s OneRepublic’s Rescue Me bc of the song tag game i did earlier today :’D that one always gets stuck in my head whenever i as much as see the title lol 

last movie you watched: i think it’s The Yin-Yang Master (2021)? I haven’t watched any movies after that bc am so busy with all of my dramas haha

last show you binged: i think binged would be The Journey Across the Night! I watched that as a whole in 4 days

when you created your blog: in 2013 

the last thing you googled: ummm i think it was “what is a ball of wool called” bc of fic purposes haha as a non native speaker i always get a bit lost with words like this 

other blogs: none, i just dump everything here like the idiot i am 

why i chose my url: dates back to my intense summer of binge reading J.R. Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Vishous was my favorite of the brothers haha. i first used this username in some random game on my nintendo ds lol 

how many people are you following: 358 which somehow feels like a lot but also like way too few?? i should probably search for some new blogs with other topics than cql, bts and/or dmbj bc i do love a lot of things at once 

how many followers do you have: over 800 

average hours of sleep: i’d say around 7h

lucky numbers: i remember answering 5 previously? i don’t really have a lucky number but 5 pops into my head

instruments: nope, no. not touching those tyvm. i admire everyone who can play any instrument tho

what i’m currently wearing: black jeans, socks with foxes on them (plus my woolly socks), a gray cardigan (my fave thing ever!) and an orange/brown top

dream job: writer would be ideal but that is very faaaaar into the dream zone 

dream trip: around different parts of asia to taste all the amazing food ;; maybe a road trip of sorts through europe? or inter railing? another trip to london bc i miss that ;; a trip to the very northern part of lapland to see all the auroras etc! i’ve never been that far north :’D 

fave food: if i need to quickly name something then sushi. otherwise am pretty fine with anything spicy 

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: i remember thinking about this a lot the last time i answered this but hmm. currently i’d say dmbj still bc that world is fascinating AND i would love to talk to the characters. mass effect would be the second one currently bc i miss those games and the space stuff is super cool! and the third one would be assassin’s creed rogue bc that is my fave ac game and i like the northern sea and the places in it AND i could probably be one of abstergo’s employees instead and just test/play those simulation games haha 

Part II

Last Song: am currently listening to my playlist with just everything so i have Andrew Belle’s The Enemy playing right now (also I only just now realized that Andrew Belle also sings Pieces which is one of my fave songs? my bff linked that to me after it played in some tv series she was watching)

Last Movie Last Stream: i didn’t want to mention the same movie again or skip this question and i’ve wanted to talk about this anyway so! i watched Liu Chang’s bday live last night :’D it was so much fun even if i couldn’t understand anything. it was just nice to watch him being himself and have fun and chill with his fans. also the songs were amazing ;; i cried with Liu Sang’s character song as well as the ending. and all the while i couldn’t turn my gaze away from his eyes! he has such pretty eyes and they were absolutely Sparkling throughout the whole stream, it was so nice :’)

Currently Reading: Devotions by Mary Oliver (i adore her poems! they’re a very nice change after Siken haha) and then some uni stuff for a course about culture and mental health plus my thesis

Currently Watching: Douluo Continent, Word of Honor, The Long Ballad 

all of these are amazing and make me feel different things! i started Douluo Continent just a while ago and am now on ep 16 i think? it’s been very pretty and very chill and i watch it during the weekend while i wait for new episodes to the other two :’D it’s nice to see Xiao Zhan again and i’ve enjoyed the rpg game type of feeling in it? the group of seven is doing amazing and it’s interesting to watch them craft their team work! Word of Honor again has reached the ending and i just hold my breath with it. am not too far gone with it so i am not getting as heavy feelings about it as i probably could but i enjoy it  alot still and i do cry at times ^^ and then The Long Ballad has just blown me away! i didn’t expect to love it this much and be this invested in it but everything about it has been such a positive surprise and it keeps making me super emotional! i love the characters and the story and the romances even! it’s a great accomplishment for me. also yes i cry on the daily bc of hao du and bc of ashile sun’s hair haha

(i am also rewatching Ultimate Note kind of and been thinking about getting into rewatching Reboot bc it has been on my list ever since i finished it)

What is antipoetry to you: okay hmm i had to google this too and have to agree with Kiddo here. i don’t have strong feelings about poetry tbh, i wasn’t into poetry that much before maybe a bit over year ago? Siken has really blown me away haha. but i have always loved song lyrics which i never thought as poetry but then Kiddo said to me that they consider them poetry and yeah ok. i agree? so idk poetry can be whatever i suppose. i’ve never seen any rules in it anyway. i know there are many rules for different types of poetry but then again. i feel like poetry has always been just words put together to feel things and i guess that is the core purpose of every written type of art in the end right? 

Currently craving: a drama as good and as personal as The Journey Across the Night. that show really just stole my heart and i want that feeling back. i think about that show every day. i miss Li Jia and his two partners. i miss the vibes. i miss sitting on my floor watching it and just sobbing my heart out haha. also! craving a properly subbed, whole version of Anti-Fraud League. only the first 12 eps are badly subbed out there. wetv has... blocked? deleted? the whole show??? i need it to my life, i wanna see Xiao Yuliang being cute as Mi Ruo and i wanna know where the story goes smh 

thank you so much for these both! i had fun ^^ also am sorry this is so long but haha if you’re asking me to talk about myself and my interests then this is what you get :) 

tagging (to do which ever part you want or both!): @cross-d-a @jockvillagersonly @humanlighthouse @kholran @xcziel @minmoyu and @leonzhng ♥

[actualaster]

Impressions of Episode 2!  Spoilers not just for the episode, but for the game--including parts towards the end of the game.  Screenshot-heavy

Also, NTWEWY Release Date Trailer reference at one point.

First up!  Love the proper intro!  Shame about what happened with the original intro being swapped out, there’s some spots where this version of Twister doesn’t quite fit.  But it fits better than the use of Calling they used as as a last-second sub in the first episode.

(For those who don’t know, one of the band members for the group that did the original song was involved in a criminal scandal so the music was pulled, apparently that’s not uncommon.  I feel more bad for the poor bandmates who’ve had their reputation tarnished by association, y’know?)

so!  first up on visuals!  New Noise!!  Wonder if these will show up in NTWEWY?  They don’t look as much like Noise as most others, missing that tattoo component, but they remind me of the Bats and the Sprogs.  Curious to see if that happens

FORESHADOWING with MR. PRODUCER HIMSELF.

So, we get some interaction between Neku and Shiki right off the bat when the episode starts, which involves Neku’s whole “I don’t like people” thing, and we see Beat and Rhyme join ‘em and they have a discussion.  Get some of the talk of everyone’s values colliding, which IIRC is a W2 sort of convo w/ Asshole Jesus?  Can’t quite remember...  Either way, get some more insight into the characters.

RHYME IS TOO CUTE HERE THIS IS SO PRECIOUS

Ahaha...  This sequence hurts.  The framing makes it so clear what they’re getting at with these two being siblings.  Also this entire bit is good, helps establish details about the characters both overtly through conversation and subtly, like the framing of this shot.

This part also hurts, Shiki getting so excited she forgets, just for a moment, what’s going on.

Honestly the entire sequence with the Prince is funny, and helps give some good insight into the characters.

Also. Same, Neku, Same.  That’s exactly my face when people start losing their minds over some RL celeb that’s apparently sexy or something lol.  But also starts to work in the importance of fashion and trends in this sequence.

The description is different but ultimatley the idea seems roughly the same for Imprinting--though Shiki knows what it is rather than Rhyme explaining memes.

(shame we couldn’t get “what’s a meme?” animated lol, but that’s probably just a funny thing in the ENG fandom and it IS based of the JP original ver)

Interesting way they handled Eri here, with her wearing a different outfit.

Dude talking to Makoto’s a Reaper, I’m betting--since he’s lacking that sort of washed out look the RG folks have.  Specifically planted here to give the Players the idea for what their mission is, if they’re paying attention to their surroundings and/or in the right area at the start of the day.

Nao and Sota make another appearance after their Ep 1 cameo!  Good way to introduce them before W2!

[knee-jerk reaction of screeching because THE FUCKING MOST ANNOYING FUCKING PINS EVER]

Also the fact that the dude in Red who was talking to Makoto says his boss is pressuring him to spread them around makes me pretty confident, aside from the “lacking the washed out RG look” that he’s a Reaper.

This was very interesting--the Support Reaper let them through because Shiki was holding a Keypin.  Setting the precedent for “this pin caused a wall to be cleared for us” but at the same time...  Not opening the wall itself.  And I wonder why the Reaper didn’t seem to care that a Player was holding onto a Keypin?  I mean, the Reaper addressed it with “take care of that pin”, so I suppose they’ve acknowledged it but still feels odd.  Then again, might be a case of “Player with a Keypin?  Higher ups didn’t say anything about that.  Welp, not my problem then.” and just not wanting to deal with it lol

also look at the Support Reaper (guy in red w/ the facemask)’s outfit.  Compare it to what “Neku” in the end of the latest (as of this posting) NTWEWY trailer was wearing--it’s pretty much identical except “Neku” is wearing black instead of Read (Harrier Reapers wear Black), is this “Neku” in NTWEWY a Reaper now?  Or trying to blend in and appear similar to a Reaper for some reason?  Or is it just coincidence?

see how similar they look?  (I know it looks purple here but the boxart it’s black so I assume it’s just lighting)

Then again, since the art seems the same between game and anime (or very similar, the eyes are handled looking the same it seems to me) it could be something else...  (Of course, who even knows if this is the real Neku?)

Anyway...

AHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh shiki, if only you knew that the second player pin is because of the bullet that wasn’t stopped XD

Working trends in somewhat, interesting to see that.  Makes total sense they’d do it this way since the “trends change based on what Players use in battle” is a game mechanic that I can’t see being easily worked into the story in another format, so this swap makes plenty of sense.  Using Imprinting on the Prince to get him to plug the advert makes sense.

LMAO.  SAME NEKU, SAME.  THAT IS SUCH A RELATABLE FACE.

I gotta wonder, though--using the Prince this way instead of the Players making it work, seems like that might not make Makoto get a big head about “his” success which would alter things in...  W2, right?  The ramen shop stuff’s W2.

So.  We have a few interesting massive deviations here.

First up, a look at the influence of the Red Skull pin on people.

And second...

A Familiar Looking Noise Symbol, found on the Shibuya River...  Megumi’s Noise Symbol.

Obviously a massive deviation as Players start getting Erased--despite the Mission being cleared.  Neku and Shiki are on the chopping block when...

A familiar bit of hair reveals their savior who’s not about to let Megumi end their little Game early using some underhanded tactics like “Earsing Players after the Mission is cleared”

I’m very not sure how I feel on a personal level about this decision, but on a narrative level I fully get where they were going with this.

It establishes a very powerful Noise, and if they remain true to the game later it’s foreshadowing that Megumi’s involved heavily.  AND it establishes (through subtle implication you’d not necessarily get if this was your first time watching and didn’t catch the hair) that Joshua is a very powerful person.  Before being in the Game.

Shiki comments on the unsualness of it, too!

I do, however, think they did real justice to the Eri and Shiki revelation.  I still wanna know what that “accident” is that killed Shiki, though.

And here we see a person having his ENTIRE WORLD rocked by the revelation that he’s dead.

Also we got a slight flashback to the incident that killed him, too blurry to see much but a little bit of one.  We saw a little of that in Ep 1, too, IIRC.

AND THAT’S IT FOR THE EPISODE

Well.  Except for the title card for Episode 3

WHO’S READY TO HAVE THEIR HEARST SHATTERED LIKE GLASS OVER THAT SCENE?!

[extraordinarilyextreme]

finally watched Guardian (2018) and i need to talk

Warning: contains MASSIVE SPOILERS, probably too much music/song analysis, my poor translations from Chinese to English, and some references to the original novel (disclaimer: my novel-reading was mostly jumping around because i have a problem where I’m not fluent enough to read the original Chinese novel and I don’t usually like English translations)

1. the freakin opening theme: We Won’t Be Falling by Chen Xueran... (also I see you Tina Guo on the cello thank you queen)

the amount of chills i get every time an episode starts,,, fantastic! marvelous! the lyrics are very VERY apt to the story of Guardian, esp this drama adaptation

(“We are the one/We will be holding on/For the promise we held for life/For the people we love are leaving” ... “And the story will keep on going”)

1.1. the promise? may i direct you to novel chapter 75? 

Shen Wei: “Sometimes I think if one day you can remember everything, then I will be able to say to you: look, I did it, I did all that I had promised you; not one bit did I miss, not one word did I go back on.”

they promise to keep the peace, to protect both Haixing and Dixing; and in the show, it’s a promise they keep with their lives

2. Zhu Yilong plays THREE characters and is able to differentiate them perfectly with particular microexpressions

-Ye Zun (literally, “Respect the Night”; “Lord/Master of the Night” would be a better title) sets off my fight-or-flight instincts even though i think his name tries a little too hard to be edgy; the way he sneers, the smiles that don’t reach his eyes, also that infamous tongue flick when Zhao Yunlan sees through the act... i think it’s both great and sad that Yunlan could differentiate the twins because, why, Shen Wei would never be so openly flirtatious (and wear a deep-cut shirt like that lol)... the delivery of “Xiao Yunlan” disturbed me so much—wonderful, stellar acting

-Black Cloaked Envoy: does his best to bend the rules where he can for the Dixingren because he’s just so fundamentally GOOD; he’s empathetic despite how stern and strict he seems to be, and how much he claims to enforce the clearly-cut laws... he’s an absolute babie ten thousand years ago (Yunlan, doesn’t it hurt your conscience to flirt with such a babie?)

-Shen Wei: in the novel, his name (both surname and first name) are given to him by Kun Lun’s incarnations—there’s a lot of power in naming something, in naming someone; he’s good-natured and gentle, always polite... he pushes up the glasses [that he doesn’t need] a lot, perhaps because he’s used to pushing up his mask as the Envoy

2.1. i find it very striking that Shen Wei dies without his glasses; he doesn’t die as the Envoy, he doesn’t die as the Professor; he dies as a person, as the person who loves Yunlan the most and has loved Yunlan for ten thousand years

2.2. the other notable moments we see Shen Wei without his glasses are where he apologizes to Yunlan [and Yunlan apologizes at the same time because they’re pining idiots] for not noticing the camera in his office, where he sets aside all his pride as Envoy and Professor and kneels in the rain for the man he loves (lwj kneeling after visiting the Burial Mounds, yea?), and of course after he slices up an orange [cuz food = love] only to find Yunlan asleep and drapes his jacket over the silly silly man... anyway, Yunlan is indeed the only person Shen Wei is comfortable enough to reveal everything to, all defenses and masks (literal and figurative) lowered

2.3. that last instance (ep 26) is when Shen Wei pulls out his necklace and reminisces as he gazes fondly at Yunlan; the song that plays during this is 《乱心曲》or “Chaotic Heart Song”... may I direct you to novel chapter 65 where Yunlan finds all the paintings and pictures his Xiao Wei has kept from the centuries?

“邓林之阴初见昆仑君，惊鸿一瞥，乱我心曲。” which translates to “In the shade of the woods I first saw Kunlun-jun; a glimpse of his grace wrought chaos in my heart’s song”

2.4. but also let’s not forget the [in]famous cut wrist scene of ep 23, where our dear Shen Wei, without glasses, as a person who loves Yunlan—not the aloof Envoy or the well-spoken Professor—is reduced to two words: “Worth it.” Yunlan is worth everything to him; this goes without question, without a second thought. Kun Lun (Yunlan) told him not to regret whatever decisions he’ll make, and Ye Zun scolds and laughs at his brother for giving up his life for a human/Haixingren, but of course Shen Wei doesn’t regret dying to protect Yunlan, dying to protect Haixing. (also, peep the behind-the-scenes where Shen Wei grabs Yunlan’s hand for a moment as he blocks the attack from Ye Zun)

2.5. on this same train of thought, Da Qing brings up a line from ten thousand years ago where Shen Wei claimed he would never kill unless it was for the world... and, well, he kills for Yunlan doesn’t he?

3. Bai Yu plays our charismatic Chief Zhao Yunlan/Kun Lun and hoo boy does he do an excellent job; the found family vibes of the SIU are spectacular and the way he flirts with tries to recruit Professor Shen is endearing and touching

3.1. there’s another piece from the OST called 《一点真心》, translated to “A Little Sincerity” though I would use “A Bit of a Sincere Heart” because it too references the novel

Kun Lun’s confession to Xiao Wei: “我富有天下名山大川，想起来也没什么稀奇的，不过就是一堆烂石头野河水，浑身上下，大概也就只有这几分真心能上秤卖上两斤，你要？拿去。” [I’m rich with famed mountains and endless rivers under heaven, but none of it feels rare when I think about it. It’s all just a pile of broken stones and uncultivated streams. From head to toe, there is probably only this bit of my sincere heart that is worth anything weighed on a scale. You want it? Take it.]

Zhao Yunlan’s confession to Shen Wei: “我别的东西也有，只是你可能大多都看不上，只有这一点真心……你要是不接着，那就算了吧。” [I have other things, only you probably would not think much of them. There’s only this bit of my sincere heart... If you don’t want to catch it, then forget it.)

And Shen Wei’s reply to Yunlan’s confession is of course “我接住了。” [I’ve caught it.]

3.2. the novel is a happy ending because Xiao Guo’s important role actually plays a part (i literally don’t understand why the show couldn’t do that after they built up so many expectations about his good character/merit/inability to be corrupted but ANYWAY)... Shen Wei, Xiao Wei, the little Ghost King has a soul and wow isn’t that just beautiful after everything he did to become worthy/deserving of Kun Lun’s attention and love

4. the Zhang Ruonnan and Wang Yike (death-touch Dixingren) case in ep 3 is an obvious parallel to the “brotherly” relationship of WeiLan... Shen Wei’s line of “Many tragedies were destined from the start” references the show of course but also the paradoxical precognition that marks the drama version of WeiLan; in both of their “first meetings”, one of them was always already in love with the other—Yunlan, as Kun Lun, knew he would have to return to his own time at some point and thus doom this impressionable young Envoy to ten thousand years of waiting and Shen Wei (honestly in a Code Geass Lelouch kinda style) knew he would have to die to defeat his brother

4.1. the importance of “touch” in this case alludes to novel WeiLan, where of course Shen Wei watched over all of Kun Lun’s incarnations but wasn’t allowed to get close to him because hungry ghosts would inevitably devour the essence of the people around them; similarly Yike was terrified of touching Ruonnan all this time... but Ruonnan accepted her (just like how novel Kun Lun lets this intriguing little Ghost King trail after him)

4.2. speaking of Shen Wei’s grand plans and the idea of “knowing”, Yunlan reminds him that “You are not a weapon/blade, you are a person.” and wow once again, only Yunlan can pull the humanity from Shen Wei, who has carefully crafted his disguise and personality to fit what people expect of the Envoy and the Professor... but alas, Shen Wei fulfills his promise by in fact making himself a weapon; he poisons himself to become a bomb that will take down his brother

4.3. as many qualms and complaints as I have with Chinese censorship, much in the case of WangXian, i think i prefer the drama version of WeiLan to the novel version; the plot of the Guardian novel is a lot better in my opinion (with references to mythology and legends, as opposed to, what, aliens?? mutants from X-Men? quirks in My Hero Academia??) and yea the relationship of Kun Lun with Xiao Wei is built up a lot better and makes more sense than the time-travel of Yunlan masquerading as Kun Lun with Shen Wei... but there’s an unadulterated, unconditional kind of love that runs through the drama, whereas the novel had some darker (though probably more realistic) vibes of near-possessiveness and ulterior motives... Kun Lun/Yunlan in the novel can be, well, cruel, which is not necessarily out of character; it’s just seems a little wrong to me that you could threaten your partner in a relationship (if you keep things from me again, i really will turn against you + had i known xyz would happen, i really should have killed you)... plus i’m always a sucker for love without an “i love you”, a love that’s conveyed entirely through actions and gazes

5. Yunlan asks Zhou Weiwei (the mirror case) where her jacket was bought because he “wants to get one for [his] girlfriend” and lo and behold, what similarly-styled and colored coat does our Shen Wei show up in a few episodes later? (also the fact that Shen Wei dies wearing this jade-ish-blue-ish coat)

6. boyfriend jacket during the Moutain-River Awl case... boyfriend jacket!!!! Shen Wei claims he doesn’t need it and well he still wears it anyway because Yunlan’s love is unstoppable

6.1. the way Shen Wei grabs Yunlan’s elbow before running down the hill

6.2. Shen Wei being so freaking fine-tuned to Yunlan’s discomfort/pain as always that he drinks wine for him (and passes out immediately—heroics/bde of yllz! wwx and the alcohol tolerance of our dear lwj)

6.2.1. when Minister Gao brings up Yunlan’s dad and the Chief’s hands tighten... and of course nothing can go by Shen Wei, so he changes the topic of the conversation; also the way he leans forward as if to shield Yunlan

6.2.2. Yunlan is similarly Aware of his boyfriend’s boundaries; cue him politely excusing themselves from the dinner with Vice-Minister Guo when Shen Wei (of all people!) fumbles with his chopsticks

6.2.3. Yunlan also blocks Shen Wei from Minister Gao’s sight (subconsciously?) after that wedding showdown... even though he’s unhappy that Shen Wei has kept the identity of the Envoy from him, he trusts the other man enough to recognize there must be a reason; thus he doesn’t want other people to pry into the possibility that Shen Wei is a Dixingren

6.3. also, also that Shen Wei lets Yunlan have his way and use him as a pillow in the car once again (he also adjusts the actual pillow beneath Yunlan’s head to make it more comfortable)

6.3.1 the other Shen-Wei-is-Yunlan’s-pillow scene is when the professor picks up the poor hurting Chief off the road and in the taxi ride home... apparently this was an improvised scene from Bai Yu who just wanted to mess with Long-ge and our great Zhu Yilong just stayed in character and ran with it

6.3.2. the other notable improvised scene is the cute “Black Cloaked gege~ please be careful~ there’s someone is waiting for you at home~” [sorry that i don’t remember the exact line] but once again our great leading actors just stay perfectly in character

6.4. after Shen Wei wakes up from a night of being drunk (lol) Yunlan has left a note for him “I’ve gone back first, stay in touch. -Zhao” and what’s that on the corner of the note? why it’s a winky face

7. when Yunlan grabs the fake Zhang Danni’s wrist to confirm his suspicions, Shen Wei narrows his eyes... (lol is our Black Cloaked gege jealous)

8. when Yunlan claims he can swallow the painkillers dry, Shen Wei clenches his jaw in his anger at this idiot of a man for not taking better care of himself... you’ll find that a lot of Shen Wei’s anger is directed toward his husband being a self-sacrificial fool

8.1. after Yunlan uses the Hallows again and his nose begins to bleed, Zhu Yilong in all his acting glory has Shen Wei furious to the point that his lips tremble (cue Shen Wei angrily shoving a handkerchief into his husband’s face) [i really want to know if they ever broke character during this scene due to their proximity lol]

8.1.1. Shen Wei all but invades Yunlan’s personal space (he really does stand there between Yunlan’s legs guys) and he’s so careful even though he’s angry as he tries to stop the nosebleed; he’s aware the force might tip Yunlan backwards, so he immediately rests his hands on Yunlan’s thighs/knees to steady him

9. Yunlan has claimed that he doesn’t do things for the sake of gaining anything in return and yet every time he’s wanted things from dear Shen Wei... “take off your mask and smile for me”, “join the SID”... the sexual tension is Unreal during these scenes lol, you can see Shen Wei swallow visibly in anticipation + babie Shen Wei of ten thousand years prior all but chokes on his words when he promises to do ANYTHING Kun Lun wants him to do (honey where is your mind GOING???)

9.1. Bai Yu does have a bruise on his knee after the scene where Yunlan asks Shen Wei for something... dunno if it’s the actor’s bruise or the character’s bruise, but if it’s the character’s bruise—how did he get it? what exactly did WeiLan do that evening lol

9.2. also peep the fact that Yunlan almost always has a lollipop in his mouth when talking to Shen Wei... oral fixation much? (also the whole sequence where he tries to explain how to eat a lollipop to babie Shen Wei, wow the amount of homoerotic tension)

9.3. babie Shen Wei’s ears and cheeks are SO RED when Yunlan snatches the mask off his face

10. Yunlan’s hairstyle changes after Shen Wei joins the SIU (joins his family), much like how a bride would change her hairstyle after marriage in China ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (random note but CQL WangXian does this too when lwj puts his hair down/styled over the front of his shoulders when wwx wakes up 16 years later)

11. the first time we see Shen Wei spit up blood, there’s an echo of “Xiao Wei” faintly and Shen Wei mutters to himself “Xiao Lan” before looking up and saying louder “Zhao Yunlan” (nicknames/pet names/names only your family or lover can call you... this trope is good)

11.1. i also think a lot about how in the novel Kun Lun muses before he dies that it’s a shame he won’t see this Little Beauty [Xiao Wei] grow up to be a Great Beauty 

12. Shen Wei’s funny little eyebrow raise when Yunlan accidentally reveals he broke into the professor’s apartment once ( “riiiiiiiiight i definitely believe you”)

12.1. though the ep 23 scene is angsty, the fact Yunlan says “It’s the middle of the night, were you hungry?” seems to imply their relationship is a lot closer than just neighbors... they’re probably used to sharing an apartment/room at this point :)

13. when Yunlan is hurt, Zhu Hong looks to him but he only has eyes for Shen Wei

13.1. after Yunlan is blinded, Zhu Hong is the one cradling him but he calls for Shen Wei first and reaches for his hand; Shen Wei of course responds immediately “it’s me”

13.1.1. both times after Yunlan gets his eyesight back, the first thing he sees is the person who loves him the most

14. Shen Wei warms up the congee in the morning with his magic after he watches over Yunlan when his stomach pain acts up (domestic use of magic? yes please)

15. the bomb defusing scene in the hospital (video game -> reality case) really is framed like a wedding proposal... also the way that Shen Wei smirks lol he’s so proud of his husband

16. after his Envoy identity is revealed, Shen Wei all but abuses his Black Cloaked Envoy voice to stop his stupid husband from doing stupid things that will hurt himself and every time Yunlan is properly sh00k by it

16.1. we really go from Chief Zhao remarking in the Mountain-River Awl case that he’s used to ordering people around, not receiving orders to married bickering with Shen Wei to then agreeing to everything Shen Wei tells him to do

17. the fact that “Shen Wei, ah, Shen Wei... You are such a good person, how could I bear to let you go?” is an actual line from the censored DRAMA astounds me, nevermind that Shen Wei just made breakfast for his man and Yunlan is basically pouting up at him from the bed

17.1. the way Yunlan’s dad warns him to stay away from Shen Wei and Yunlan responds with something like “he’s sincerely good to me, I want to be with him”... “be with him”???? [inhales deeply] yea this is definitely a “brotherly relationship”

18. Yunlan’s “WOW” after the Envoy kills the monsters in the cave of the Mountain-River Awl case is hilarious and i dont understand how such a noise is physically possible,,, it sounds like a growl?????

18.1. Zhu Yilong was asked to mimic it during an interview (which he did not do and only half-heartedly gave a “wow”) and then Bai Yu did it again

19. also i inevitably got attached to the side ship of Lao Chu and Xiao Guo... they have so much skinship for a censored “brotherly relationship” lmao

the amount of face-touching and hand-holding that they do is unreal... they’re more canon than WeiLan in the drama adaptation methinks 

20. 《时间飞行》or “Flying Across Time” sounds like Yunlan’s reply to Shen Wei’s《只是太在意》or “Just Cared Too Much”

20.1. the lyrics of both these songs really cements this idea that both of WeiLan believe the other to be too good... Kun Lun was a god in the novel, and Xiao Wei was just a soulless little Ghost King... and then we have the incorrigible Chief Zhao pining after the beautiful and kind Professor Shen... i just have a lot of feelings about them becoming better people for each other, that their love really does make each other stronger

21. my favorite two pieces from the OST are Shen Wei’s theme (arranged by Kun Luo) and Kun Lun’s theme (arranged by Chen Xueran)

head’s up: it’s been like four years since i last even glanced at music theory so a lot of this might just make no sense to an actual professional

-Shen Wei: written in 4/4 time, Ab Major, melody is primarily carried by piano + strings; the piano almost sticks exclusively to triplets whereas the strings are in steady whole, quarter, and eighth notes—which creates in interesting impressionistic effect, kind of like hazy smoke or the ripples across the surface of a lake; every single measure uses decrescendo, so the first triplet is always the loudest and the three that follow get progressively softer (mimicking an echo)... the piece ends on the seventh note of the scale, which is usually a pretty awkward place to end and yet it doesn’t feel wrong it all; the piece uses a ritardando in the last three measures, and we simply drift off with that last G... i think it’s a beautifully written piece that perfectly portrays such a complex character as Shen Wei, someone who loved with everything he had, and was just so overwhelmingly good... and then he simply disappears as if the dream has ended. it makes me think of how he guarded over Kun Lun/Zhao Yunlan for thousands of years in the novel, never ever ever daring to meet him... and yet the other man always felt like he was waiting for someone

-Kun Lun: written in 3/4 time, a minor, there’s no real complex shift in the melody although there’s brief modulation into E major (dominant/fifth note); it’s a fairly somber piece, especially when the strings join in... it’s a steady waltz, and it finishes with the scale (second to last major is g, last major is a), like a circle coming back around [like their love story perhaps?]... there’s a finality to it, a completeness, a wholeness, which makes sense in the drama-verse because the moment Yunlan takes up the name of Kun Lun is when his love story with Shen Wei all fits together. the piece feels a little lonely in its minor key and all, a little sad, indeed as if you were standing at the top of a mountain surrounded by clouds and mist... the constant meter also reminds me of like the steady drip of water, the perpetual and inevitable passage of the days and time

-i don’t really understand how because the keys of the two pieces don’t fit together easily, but somehow it doesn’t feel wrong to play the pieces back to back; the melodies of both seem to call upon each other despite the differences in key and time signature, so it actually feels right. a circle without a beginning or an ending, wouldn’t you want your love to be so infinite?

-when yunlan finds shen wei in their bubble outside of time, when shen wei is about to leave him, shen wei is wearing the outfit of their first meeting. and the lyrics go “Across time, I am in the same place”... surely, they will find each other again.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Maou-jou 9 - 12 (FINAL) | Idolish7 s2 10 - 15 (FINAL) | SLS 2

I’ve been holding off new seasonals because of other things, but after I post this I’ll have enough time to get around to them. That’s why I can’t guarantee winter 2021 seasonal tags on this post...maybe the next one will have them...

Maou-jou 9

…it seems shopping channels even are the same in the demon world.

Now even the demons have quests! (The frame is different to the princess’s, though.)

Oh! The quest failed.

Neo Alraune: in flower language, “the 2nd coming of happiness”. The worry from a little while ago was, “I’m worried about my brother.” The worry from recently: “I didn’t think about being happy that the princess didn’t kill my brother.”

The penguin demons are pretty cute!

Don’t you know how parents forbid children from sleeping until they finish all their homework? Must be something like that.

Yoku ganbarimashita! – Syalis worked hard!

LOL, mental age: 3. Poseidon likes cute things…I can’t read a lot of this…the hardsubs cover the JPN text.

They…both succeeded! (…LOL?)

Maou-jou 10

Owarinocity = Endopolis. It’s a good equivalent, if I do say so myself.

…oh yeah. What happened to Alraune? Update: There she is!

Also, that blonde guy in the infomercials doesn’t look too bad…*makes chef’s kiss gesture with one hand* Nice.

I wonder, was Twilight once human…?

LOL, there’s a goat symbol on the cleric’s pyjamas. Also “first time”, LOL.

I think they were playing shiritori at one point.

Hanamaru saikou yoku dekimashita!

Maou-jou 11

…How does one “sleep cheerfully”, anyway?

I think I saw Twilight drop something…some kind of paper…

Aw, Twilight blushing is kinda cute!

LOL, 70s shoujo style. Also, “It cannot be!”

Whoa, she cancelled it?!

I read up on this series on TV Tropes…and apparently the Demon King captured the Princess in her sleep.

Kagemusha? Like a ninja or something?

Apparently the Demon Cleric is much older than he looks.

Ooh! Hypnos is back!

A-whatsit really is abysmal levels of stupid!!! (LOL)

Maou-jou 12 (FINAL)

Who’s that one tiny guy occupying one of the Ten Kings’ seats?

*watching after Christmas, about a week after the anime finished* This is not seasonally appropriate!

…*thinks for a second, then spits* That’s the 2nd Nemu in the fall 2020 season!!!

Ooh, the head paladin doesn’t look that bad, either.

“…is it good to be…”

“…has seized the princess!”

“…that demon king is rather cute.” – See? Someone agrees with me.

Anyways, that was a fun series. See you soon!

Idolish7 s2 10

…Back at it after so long…(I can’t help it though ��� Crunchyroll, per month, is about double the local Funimation sublicensor’s fees, and for much less content that’s worth my money to boot!)

I’ve always thought Momo was like Sasara (HypMic), so seeing him anguished hurts me in the kokoro too…

I know Banri was involved with Re:vale somehow…this must be it.

…Male idols are also popular among men? Is this why there are 8 (!!!) idol anime in winter 2021 alone…? (Also, that’s why HypMic became popular? Multidemographic appeal crossed over with obvious merchandising opportunities?)

It’s kind of scary how Momo stepped the formality towards Yuki like that (to -san).

I guess in his heart Momo still reveres Yuki, some way or another.

The rakugo curtain really sold the moment that they (current Re:vale) were acting like an old married couple.

Yay! Silver Sky is such a cool song! Of course I recognised the intro when it came on.

…I see. The elder Kujo is entrusting his dream to Tenn, so that’s why he banned Aya from seeing Tamaki. However, it’s hard to know what to feel when Aya speaks in the vaguest terms possible.

I think that was a special ending for only this episode. I don’t know what its name is, but I guess I might recognise it on Spotify one day.

Idolish7 s2 11

LOL, Nagi’s reaction.

Considering the ‘rona is getting worse outside our very windows as we speak (type?), I think it’s correct to be concerned about your future right now.

Looking at these narrow streets reminds me of going to eat hotpot at the end of my Japan trip…only Japanese streets look like that, I think. Hong Kong’s streets are more crowded than that and America likes their suburbia.

Of course, when you say hajimemashite (nice to meet you), someone’s gotta say it back, hence the reply.

Considering there are people all over the world watching the Idolish7 anime, I would say you are telling the world about I7, Riku.

Oh! Restart Pointer! There was an MV for that one…I think it was around the time Idolish7’s MVs started getting better.

So this is the context around the new outfits! Cool!

There have been way too many puns about “idol” being…y’know, “ai (love) doll” and stuff like that…

I have one Twitter person who I follow (DejiNyucu, part of the creative team for Autumn’s Journey) because I don’t get much I7 content and they keep mentioning this “Haruki” person…and suddenly a “Haruki the Betrayer” showed up in the graffiti…they might be the same person, I think. Not Deji, but Haruki. Update: Sakura Haruki, perhaps…?

Sougo’s such a bad liar…

Sometimes, the best way to deal with things is to be direct…(I’m not very good at that, I naturally talk in a very roundabout sort of way.)

Sougo with long hair like Yuki would be really pretty… (<- has an obvious thing for guys with long hair)

Idolish7 s2 12

Nagi’s stupid accent is generally what he’s best remembered for (for me), so seeing him speak normally, and do a press conference on top of that, is…impressive.

A kabedon on top of all this! Whoa!

Shibuya 109 parody…? (I’ve seen that once or twice – parodying that means people know their stuff about Shibuya.)

I think the “it’s overflowing!” is referring to the hype in the “room”.

…this dejected Momo is worrying…(well, he is worrying and I am worrying about him.)

Oh, I see. The person responsible typed the letter so that they couldn’t be traced back. Kind of like those old movies where the culprit would cut letters out of newspapers to make threat mail, but…with even less traces than that, because cutting letters out leaves evidence.

…wow, it took a while for this ep. to have an intro…

…LOL, I just spotted Kenjiro Tsuda cited as the “fake Zero”, meaning the real one might never show up this season.

There’s something really stupid and infectious about these managers’ enthusiasm for drinking energy drinks. It puts a goofy smile on my face.

Is Musubi Tsumugi’s mother…? Update: Yes, she is.

…Wait, so the Chiba Shizuo guy is actually important?!

Idolish7 s2 13

Whenever someone says “by the way”, it means they’re changing the subject. I hate to state to obvious, but Sougo is clearly deflecting the topic of conversation from being about him.

I wonder if this guy (Haw9) is the actual Zero graffiti vandal…?

Hmph, I didn’t realise Tenn doesn’t refer to Kujo-san as his father, but…like that (“Kujo-san”) instead.

Oh hey! These are shots from Vibrato!

Most dramas can be solved with the power of Good Communication. That includes this one.

I feel like “he has a dark side” describes both Tenn and Kujo-san.

“Everyone, remember to wash your hands and gargle thoroughly.” – This is always a good thing to remember in the time of ‘rona. Reminds me of Jakurai’s line in ARB (<- this game started just after the ‘rona came down).

What did Sougo go to uni for (what specialisation)?

Idolish7 s2 14

I just realised Banri calls Momo -kun. Hmm…

Denki = electricity, LOL.

I feel like Tenn is basically Ramuda, give or take actual pink hair…guys in musical groups with pre-existing angst that they become the “centre” of. The fact Fling Posse have Saito Soma and so do Trigger strengthens the connection.

I would watch the heck out of a musical like that! Make it come true, Idolish7! (Also, today is I7 day! I’m not much of an I7 fan outside the anime, but…that’s cool!)

That shot of them jumping! I remember seeing it on the official site before!

Idolish7 s2 15 (FINAL)

There you go! I was wondering where Banri’s injury was – that was the only bit that didn’t add up for him to be Yuki’s old partner.

Hmm…Momo is 4 years younger than Yuki but 2 years younger than Banri…

This episode has a real concert vibe to it, to the point where I got startled by how loud the yell was at one point. (Even if it is mostly stills.)

LOL, lookit Okazaki!

Apparently, if you’re a hako oshi, you like all the members of a group. Someone with a green light and a pink light likes both members of Re:vale.

LOL, Usagi for Asahi beer.

…I forgot Nagi is 19.

…Ooh, I think that’s the kid from ZOOL. No wonder they needed a season 3!

That’s all. See you next time!

SLS 2

“fine and upstanding person” – That’s…hard to believe, Hayato.

I wonder how many bois Toboso designed for SLS…?

…The episode title is actually “Blank”. Not “Break”.

One of the guys’ shirts says moteki on it. That’s a period in one’s life where one enjoys more romantic attention than usual, literally “popularity season”.

The subs missed an I, so initially I knew Kiriyama’s name as “Kiryama”.

There are meant to be 2 wings, right…?

“He who controls information controls everything, right?” – For once, I’m surprised Hayato is right (and not just in that smug way of his).

“…I’m being treated like a manager.” – But Hayato is a manager! (In a sense.)

The plait guy jumps to nicknames really fast…also, why do I get the feeling Maeshima will lose the key?

I hate to say this Maeshima, but I side with your childhood friend (Kiriyama) here. As much as the anime wants me to back you, I’m watching for everyone else at this point.

That blocky building looks pretty cool. I think Zel (Archi-Anime) would like it.

Sasugai’s setup looks pretty cool, including his chair.

…hmm, Maeshima’s like me in a sense. I learn best by copying others, but memory is my best asset. If I don’t regularly train the fundamentals, I suck at everything. That said, I don’t have an eidetic memory. Also, I didn’t quite figure out Ken = Ken(sei Maeshima) until I watched long enough to connect the dots.

LOL, Derry’s. (<- reminded of a word for “butt” <- derriere)

Well, the guy’s (Souta…?) shirt does say moteki…

Kiriyama kinda looks like Jyuto (HypMic), come to think of it…Right down to his angry streak (although Jyuto has a reputation to keep as a “cool dude”, while Kiriyama is more of a Manza (Boueibu HK) and he’s more angry than he looks).

…This ED is nothing special.

…Hmm? Is that a small Terauchi and Maeshima…?

I think I’m sold for now, but I’m rooting for the other team, not Maeshima’s…not yet, anyways.

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 3x03-- The One Where Diane Joins the Resistance

Thoughts on this episode under the cut. I believe this is my shortest recap of the season even though it’s the longest episode ever of The Good Fight. 

I don’t like this episode title. It should be called “The One That’s An Hour Long” because that’s what I’m going to remember it as. This episode doesn’t feel padded-- there’s too much going on for it to feel padded-- but it does feel unnecessarily long.

A previously introduces Blum, again. I watched his antics three times last week; I can assure you I don’t need a reminder of what he’s like.

This is my second time through this episode, btw. The other episodes I’ve watched three times (morning of release, with my roommate, while writing these posts) but I told my roommate to go ahead and watch this one without me. Tbh, I’m not looking forward to sitting through it again. Y’all may be in for some nitpicking and ranting.

Lots of music this season: this ep starts off with a song about how 45 is hurting us with misinformation. This is the brilliant plan concocted by the resistance group Diane found while throwing axes. Diane thinks this video is terrible (she’s not wrong) but the rest of the crowd eats it right up.

Parts of this scene-- which satirizes liberals-- are funny. Other parts I’m not sure about. I can’t tell if the ASL interpreter is there because a gathering like this would, realistically, be inclusive or if I’m supposed to roll my eyes at how inclusive liberals are trying to be. I really, sincerely hope it’s the former.

Diane tries to ask a question and she’s overruled, but then some dude in the audience gets to ask a question. If I’m reading this right, they certainly got the sexism of liberal bros right.

The most accurate part of this satire happens next: an audience member points out that the video didn’t mention single-payer healthcare. The filmmaker, reasonably, says they couldn’t touch on every issue, but the audience member insists that single-payer healthcare is THE issue. Another audience member argues that THE issue is global warming. Then the entire crowd starts arguing. That is about how I’d expect this sort of meeting to go.

A middle-aged blonde woman taps Diane on the shoulder and asks her to follow. Diane does, as the entire crowd starts chanting “re-edit” at the filmmaker (which I don’t think would happen but whatever).

Outside, the blonde asks Diane if she wants “a mission.” “You have two options. You could go back in there and they’ll make you the co-chair of the subcommittee on bake sales [...] or you could do something. I’m looking for people who are sick of just bitching and moaning. People who are sick of screaming at the news,” the woman explains. She hands Diane a card with an address and walks away. (There’s no time on the card, but time doesn’t matter on this show.)

Roland Blum is back, and he’s fallen asleep on the RBL elevator. Lucca’s listening to a kid’s song (with no headphones!) when she notices Blum. Maia’s waiting in reception and tells Lucca that Liz wants to see her. Lucca worries she had a meeting scheduled and Maia goes to deal with Blum.

What if I just didn’t recap him? God, I’m tired of him existing.

Blum makes fun of Maia’s small, unassigned desk, which… can’t she just book a conference room for them? “Oh my fucking God, how can anyone take you seriously?” Blum asks. This is… one of the less offensive things he’s said, because it’s kind of true.

Blum notices that someone else has an office and asks Maia who it is. Instead of answering that she’s a co-worker, or with her name, Maia says “she’s a third-year too” which can only make the problem worse. Now it doesn’t just look like Maia works for a firm that’s pressed for space; it looks like Maia is one of the weaker employees at a firm that’s pressed for space.

Good lord. BOOK A DAMN CONFERENCE ROOM.

Lucca’s apologetic when she comes in for the meeting with Liz, but Liz says they didn’t have a meeting scheduled. Liz asks how matrimonial law is going; Lucca says it’s going well. Then Liz says she has a divorce referral for Lucca: herself.

“It’s a long time coming. We’ve had our tensions and, uh, barely even, uh,” Liz explains. That’s most of the explanation we get for why she wants to divorce. I wish we got a little more insight into what her marriage is like, but I don’t mind that much. Plus, we did see her husband being kind of awful with the client list in 2x10.

Also, Liz hasn’t yet told her husband she’s asking for a divorce.

Maia has found a conference room to use, finally. ASA Zschau walks in. He’s taking over the case for Matan and now I miss BrainDead. Also, Spencer Zschau has been an AUSA every time we’ve seen him and now he’s an ASA.

(Yes, I think it’s more important to note the change in Zschau’s job and that Maia found a conference room than it is to note anything plot-related in that scene.)

Liz asks her husband for a divorce the second he arrives home. Maybe not the best strategy. He does not take it well. Okay, I lied, I do want to know more about their marriage. Then again, I think that Ian’s sudden switch to BURN IT ALL DOWN mode (despite Liz’s plea to keep everything civil for their son) says a lot.

Diane goes to a creepy underground meeting spot and finds the Resistance. It’s full of white ladies, mostly around Diane’s age. It’s run by a Valerie Payser, who claims she worked in the Obama White House. All the white ladies eat her story right up.

This is another plot I don’t care much about, especially the second time through. My main comment on this scene is simply that it got New Rules stuck in my head.

Diane eats it right up. The Kings have mentioned that they considered bringing Alicia back for an episode where she and Diane meet at “the resistance” and if it was supposed to be this episode, I’m SO glad they didn’t. I don’t want Alicia back on the show. I don’t want Alicia on the show in a Diane plot (if she comes back it’s gotta be a Lucca plot). And Alicia would NEVER fall for this resistance bullshit. Diane I believe; she’s always been a little impulsive when she’s angry. Alicia? No.

LOL, I see we’re still doing the fake-but-could-plausibly-be-real-even-though-they-feel-like-a-hallucination news stories this season. (This one’s about cynaide in school lunches.)

Liz is no longer working with the DNC (Diane asks) because she was too radical. I thought that was exactly the reason they hired her?

To be fair to Diane, she does seem to want to check her sources on this underground resistance group; she says she wants to make sure it’s real. This is… not what she proceeds to do.

Maia has called a meeting of the name partners + Julius. “You told me last year that if I wanted anything at this firm, I have to ask for it. I want an office,” she declares. Go Maia! (Yes, I said that.)

“Uh, well, Maia, the issue here is space, and we wish we had more. We’re growing, and we hope that all associates, even second-years, will have an office,” Liz responds. Heh, Liz thinks Maia is a second-year and I see why she has that impression. Plus, does Maia’s first year really count since she didn’t do ANY work during it?

Maia corrects her. “I try not to make a fuss, but, Jenna Diamond. She was given an office, even though she joined the firm six months after me,” Maia argues. Well, is Jenna Diamond a more valuable asset for the firm? I’ve seen people at my company be promoted over others who have been there longer, and I don’t think that’s inherently unfair. Given how terrible Maia is at her job, I’m guessing that Jenna is just… better.

Or, as Julius explains, Jenna was on a big case and needed the space. This seems like a bad way to decide who gets offices. Why not hot desk the offices or give them for the duration of a case? Either base it off of performance/rank or don’t assign it permanently.

“And I’m working with Roland Blum,” Maia informs the partners. She informs the partners of this well after she deliberately causes a mistrial. So like, Maia’s now asking for an office because she didn’t ask for help or keep the partners posted on any development of a case they should’ve been looped in on AND she’ll now need to rework. The firm can’t be making much money off of this. If they were, Maia wouldn’t be handling it on her own.

I still don’t understand why Maia is handling ANYTHING on her own in the first place.

Maia says it’s embarrassing to work at her hot desk. Fair.

“She’s using Roland Blum to get an office,” Julius says after Maia leaves. “She still has a point,” Diane responds. “If we give her an office, we’ll have 20 other associates pounding on our door,” Julius continues. And that didn’t happen when they gave Jenna Diamond an office? This seems like a problem that would continue to happen if third-years are working cases without a second chair (or without being the second chair) but don’t have their own offices. Why not just have a few open offices you can hot desk in when you’re meeting with clients?

Liz steps out because Lucca’s got info from Ian’s lawyer. Ian wants to void the prenup, retain ownership of the house (which I think Liz got in her divorce from Adrian lol), and full custody. He also thinks Liz is hiding money at the firm. That escalated quickly.

He’s also going after Liz for adultery (it voids the prenup if she cheated). Lucca looks so uncomfortable talking to her boss about this!

Liz wants to know who Ian is accusing her of sleeping with. Lucca glances at Adrian’s office, but since Diane is still there, Liz initially thinks that Lucca is implying that Ian thinks Liz and DIANE had a thing. But no, he’s accusing Liz of sleeping with Adrian.

Credits! Is it me or did the opening of the theme music change this week?

Michael Sheen is credited with “special appearance by.” This gives me hope he won’t be in every episode.

Jenna’s office is now Maia’s, and I hope the partners understood what they were doing when they kicked someone out of their office for MAIA RINDELL. I don’t think they did, because Jenna’s left a note pad with the top sheet reading FUCK YOU on Maia’s chair. At the same time that I applaud Maia asking for things if she wants them, could she have worked out a deal with Jenna to use her office when Blum comes in?

Maia pastes the FUCK YOU note on the window-wall and smirks at Jenna. Yes, because what you really want to do when you’ve fucked over a coworker for funsies/because you’re entitled is to piss her off even more. I think we’ve established that Maia and I follow different logic.

Marissa-- who is not lacking in sass-- also disapproves of the FUCK YOU sign, but Maia doesn’t care. And then Marissa gets distracted by some resumes in Julius’s office and leaves.

Marissa walks into Julius’s office and says he’s running for a federal judgeship. She doesn’t ask, she says. She recognizes the campaign manager from one of her dad’s campaigns (I would LOVE an Eli cameo this season) and advises Julius not to keep campaign manager resumes out in the open. Good advice, but not immediately clear to me why Marissa is interested in advising Julius on how to successfully become a judge when she knows that he’s conservative.

Lucca, Liz, and Adrian discuss whether or not Liz and Adrian have recently had sex. Lucca is very uncomfortable and suggests that Liz hire another lawyer because of how personal this is becoming; Liz resists. Liz and Adrian insist it won’t get personal, then immediately begin whispering about the times they hooked up after their divorce (but before Liz’s second marriage). They’re not whispering quietly enough, which means that Lucca hears enough to look grossed out and I can hear enough to realize their dialogue ~what happened in the bathroom~ is very similar to Alicia and Will’s dialogue in 5x04.

Court stuff happens. Blum lies outrageously.

Maia praises Blum for lying outrageously in court.

Ian’s divorce attorney is the guy they didn’t hire at RBL last week. Wow, Ian isn’t playing around.

Marissa’s campaign advice is, as you would expect, great advice. And Julius wants more of it. Is Marissa doing this for free? Is she doing it because she wants to feel like she could do her dad’s job?

Ian had his detectives spy on Liz and Adrian so, yeah, I can see why that marriage failed. Liz and Adrian spent 3 hours together after Adrian was shot. Yes, so suspicious. The only thing they could possibly have done in three hours is fucking.

Adrian insists it was caretaking, not sex, and Jay is all, “for three hours?” Is it really so unreasonable that two people could spend three hours together and not fuck?!?!?!?

Maia realizes her client (and Blum’s client) are guilty. She’s stumped. Blum teaches her, yet again, how to make the facts fit the story. We get it. WE. GET. IT.

Also Blum’s story is so over the top no one would believe it. At least, I hope not…

Diane’s #Resistance decides to go after troll farms. Excuse me. They decide to go after a specific troll farm. But they only make that decision after an explainer song about troll farms. The troll farm song, actually, understand what this subplot does not: “we won’t ever beat ‘em ‘til we learn how not to feed ‘em.” Outing an office full of trolls is not going to shut down any of the other offices of trolls. It’s not even going to shut down this office of trolls. (Also, are troll farms literal offices? This seems unnecessary.) Teaching people to fact check and pressuring tech companies to prevent abuses of their platforms will do far more than whatever it is this #Resistance does.

(Of course, I get why Valerie thinks this is a good “mission”-- because she doesn’t give a fuck about missions-- but I don’t get why savvy computer woman, who would almost certainly know better, thinks it is.)

Blum is chilling in Diane’s office and they have a very long conversation about justice and politics and the necessity of lying and blah blah blah, these are not new themes.

The psilocybin is still in Diane’s desk even though we saw her throw it out.

Blum knew Jonas Stern. Oof. I buy that. I don’t necessarily think Stern (who I assume was liberal) and Blum were close, but I can see them being of the same era and even hanging out despite political differences.

Is Blum meant to be older than he looks? The people he mentions as his contemporaries are all way older than he is.

Diane calls Valerie and shares a brilliant idea we’ve only seen this show already do three to five times: CREATE THEIR OWN FAKE NEWS. WOWOWOWOW GROUND BREAKING.

Oh and the NSA nerds are back. This time they’re listening to Diane. Joy. Can’t we be done with this? Also, why did Valerie Payser, who isn’t real, get a cell phone registered to that name? She could just get a burner.

The White Lady Resistance (I think @Nikkaphon called it this first and that’s what it is) is having a great time making up fake news.

“Melissa Long” sounds so much like “Marissa Gold” that for a second I thought Marissa was volunteering to manage Julius’s campaign long before he asked.

Why does Jay think Liz and Adrian fucked?! He is like, very intent on proving this. I think he’s playing bad cop but it doesn’t sound like it.    

I’m not recapping every line of this-- mostly because I don’t have the patience to-- but the Liz/Adrian/Lucca plot was far and away my favorite plot of the week. It felt grounded, character-driven, and revealing… and it provided an excuse for Audra McDonald to sing!

(It’s a little strange having a character-driven plot in this VERY theme-driven episode of this mostly theme-driven show. It’s a reminder that I do tend to prefer character-driven shows to theme-driven shows. I prefer both to plot-driven shows, but I don’t think TGW or TGF will ever be plot-driven.)

I repeat: Audra McDonald is singing! I like that they have her sing in flashback so it’s not 100% clear if Liz has an amazing voice or if Adrian perceives Liz’s voice as amazing.

Isn’t this the same song that played over Cartoon Villain Rindell’s suicide attempt? Interesting choice. I am fully in support of reclaiming that song.

It’s fall in this episode but I think it’s meant to be spring. As I’ve said, this show does not care about time.

Blum misses court and Maia seizes a kind of shady opportunity to cut a deal that’s good for her client and bad for Blum’s client. Maia’s method involves tricking someone over the phone, which is the one thing Maia’s actually proven she’s good at.

Liz and Adrian’s innocent story works up until the point where a detective reveals he saw Liz buy the morning-after pill at Rite-Aid.

There are too many clowns in this season.

There was a riot at the troll farm and Diane jumps for joy. I’m kind of embarrassed for her.

Liz is in Diane’s contacts as “Elizabeth Reddick-Lawrence”

Diane calls Valerie to share word of the victory, but Valerie’s gone! The NSA is suspicious of Valerie’s disappearance.

It’s still storming. Melissa Long, Julius’s potential campaign manager, wants to charge him for an interview; Julus thinks that’s ridiculous. He then asks Marissa to run his campaign, and Marissa agrees. Next week-- or whenever we pick this plot up again-- can we please delve into her motivations for agreeing? I think right now it’s just that it inflates her ego.

Why did Liz buy the morning after pill? She didn’t want to have another child… with Ian.

Geoffrey Payton’s next attack is on RBL’s financials, specifically on the payments to “Reddick” in March. These are the payoffs for the women (four of them, which means there are actually at least five since Wendy wouldn’t accept payment) Carl assaulted, but Liz and Adrian don’t want to divulge that. It would ruin Carl’s reputation and, now, make the firm look bad (cover-up, not the crime), so Liz refuses to let this line of questioning go any further.

Lucca takes a minute-- and I really appreciate this-- to be disappointed in her hero. “I came to this firm because of him,” she says.

Liz demands full custody-- the one thing she’s unwilling to compromise on-- but gives in to Ian’s other demand to void the prenup. Poor Liz.

“I hate that he wins ‘cause of this,” Lucca says. “So do I,” Liz agrees.

The judge asks Adrian out. Curious where this will go.

Destroying the troll farm knocked two points off of 45’s approval rating. I don’t believe it. Valerie is missing and no one can find her. Diane says she’ll have her investigator look into it.

Diane sends Jay a text that says “no more texts” and contains sensitive information. This lands Jay on the NSA’s list. What is the point of a text saying no more texts? Just say you have something for him to work on, can you meet?

The NSA stuff isn’t bad, but haven’t we done this enough?

Blum is PISSED at Maia. He’s also being a hypocrite, but that’s the least of his character flaws. He growls and breaks Maia’s office’s window-wall with a laptop. Maia isn’t intimidated. She tells him off, and she actually had my support right up until she picked up the laptop (that is the property of the firm that employs her) and broke a second window-wall (of the firm that employs her and just gave her an office because she asked for one). I already thought her entitled ass was lucky to have a job, and now she’s going to go breaking her own firm’s property just to show her badassery? Just go back to the sunglasses, Maia.

Marissa gives her a look that encapsulates everything I just said, to which Maia responds, “The fuck are you looking at?” Okay Maia. Just because you’re a badass now doesn’t mean you have to be rude to your friends.

(As I’ve mentioned in past weeks, I’m just criticizing how terribly petulant Maia’s behavior is… somehow, I do think this is good character development for her. Maia turning into an entitled lying ball of resentment with a grudge against everyone who didn’t give her the world simply for existing is, in many ways, the natural place for her character to go. It doesn’t require her to suddenly become strategic, it doesn’t require her to become a brilliant legal mind, and it doesn’t require any rewriting of the fundamental traits of her character. I may not like or agree with new Maia, but likability is bullshit. If they can make this arc interesting, and justify its existence,  maybe I’ll even like it.)

Jay finds out that Valerie Payser doesn’t exist; she’s really a criminal who preys on rich liberal white ladies with lots of money. What a shock that a secret underground resistance of white ladies might be a scam.

Diane hallucinates/daydreams Blum singing “I’ll be there” in front of terrible green screen backgrounds and my only thought is NOPE.

Inspired by Blum and the strategy of LYING WORKS, Diane decides to fake an email (she is reading off a blank screen but she totally would’ve drafted this) from Valerie and let the White Lady Resistance continue.

Blum has Maia arrested for having hospice drugs. I assume he planted them recently, because if Maia had kept them around after Blum threatened to do exactly this last week, she’s even less bright than I thought.

Well, that’s over.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 304

I really liked this episode. Please keep scrolling if you’re expecting rage, because for the first time this season, I don’t really have any. Are there some things I wish they tweaked in the episode? Of course. But overall, I really enjoyed it.

At this point in the season I’m beyond just liking Jamie’s side more than Claire’s. I’m like angry-adjacent with how they chose to handle Claire’s story up until now. She deserved better than what they gave her. And this episode kind of made me even saltier that we spent three episodes on nothing but Frank and his bullshit. Because as of now, Claire’s choice next week to go back through the stones seems like a super easy one for her. Because we spent no time building a connection with Joe or with her work or even with Bree. We get to see all the different parts of Jamie’s life apart, but not Claire’s. And I get that Jamie’s are all from the book and are more episodic and shit, but whatever. I’m apparently in the minority for wanting to see more of the other aspects of Claire’s life. There’s more to her side of the separation than what they’ve chosen to show us. Like where is her managing to incorporate some of her herbal knowledge into treating her modern patients? Where is the contrast in the friendships she has with Joe and with Geillis? Where is literally *anything* about her and her journey as a person outside of the shitty marriage that stopped being relevant in the first season? I know that we *know* she loves Bree and her brief interactions with Joe have been lovely, but still. Blergh. But what’s aired has aired so...moving on. Basically ep. 305 really needs to bring it. No pressure or anything, episode...

Anywho, the show managed to fix most of what I hoped they’d fix from the book, and I’m always here to get punched in the ovaries by Da!Jamie. My ramblings are under the cut. If you hated the episode, that’s 1000% your right, but I’d recommend not reading any further.

Scotland

So now we’re back to where we left off in ep. 213. Neat. I’m probs going to skip Claire’s stuff before this episode on rewatches. But really I need to lower my expectations for next week and accept that the show is dumb decided to basically ignore Claire’s story as an individual in favor of bashing us over the head with #manpain. Because screw the protagonist’s journey as her own person, it’s all about the #manpain and misogyny up until now.

Anywho, back to Charlie’s board...

I was hoping maybe that Sophie’s acting would get better between last season and this season, but it really hasn’t? It’s like I’m watching all of the characters but then instead of watching Bree I’m watching Sophie trying to be Bree? Maybe she’ll get better for next season? It’s distracting? Casting had done such a great job with literally everyone else? Anywho. This is a one and done comment because I feel like of all the things I rant about, this one will make me sound like the biggest bitch because she’s like a baby. But it really takes me out of the moment...

Oh hey! There were tales of the Dunbonnet! Wilson, you’re famous! Many a song was sung about a man with a close affinity for his useless hat. #RIPWilson

I love Fiona. I love Fiona with my whole damn heart. Fiona is adorable. And I like that she’s in on everything from the start.

Fiona and Mary MacNab should start a Highlands Cinnamon Roll Squad.

“And it’s never too early for a whisky.” Bless you, Roger. Bless. I really do like show!Roger. Seriously, the show really is awesome at making me like secondary characters that I either don’t like, don’t care about or am solidly meh on in the books. Good job, show.

Ok but the amount of shit going on in the shot of Claire once Bree and Roger go off to start day drinking. *throws awards at Balfe* Like she hasn’t been allowed to feel things for two decades because Frank is a (finally dead) flaming turd and now it’s like hope and fear and excitement and nervousness all in one and IT’S GONNA BE OK, CLAIRE! JUST YOU WAIT, JUST YOU WAIT!

“She just likes being helpful.” Oh Roger, you oblivious turtleneck aficionado. You are adorable. #TeamFiona

Ok but him stuttering along about not having a girlfriend is my everything. I love you, you awkward goober.

Oh hey! It’s Joe on the phone! Remember Joe? He’s Claire’s friend! He has a nickname for her! She knows his lunch order! We know all that from the very brief time we’ve seen him. But you know what would have been fun? Watching them become friends. Watching Claire being able to be herself with someone more than she was able to do with Fred. Giving Claire something and someone for herself. I’m apparently actually quite bitter about how you’ve treated Claire so far, show. Moving on...

Ok so the pearls. Fiona is such a sweetheart when she gives them back to Claire. I really like Fiona. But. I really am having a hard time believing that Claire would have let go of the pearls. They were Jamie’s wedding gift to her. They were his mother’s. They’re a physical thing she has from him, like her ring. Like Bree. So why does she give them away? Like are they trying to make it seem like she couldn’t stand to have a reminder of Jamie with her? Because that doesn’t work since she never takes her ring off and also Bree exists. Did she think Frank would take them or destroy them? Because he burned her clothes, but he never took her ring so I don’t get that reasoning either... I really do not get why they had her give something so precious away. Like did they just forget that they were supposed to be around and they need to have Claire give them to Bree next week? Because why couldn’t they have just made Claire have had them the whole time and explain to Bree that she kept them hidden because they were hers from Jamie and she didn’t want to share them with anyone but now she wants Bree to have them? Also, is Brian’s ring going to make a reappearance? Because otherwise what was even the point of that if not to introduce the gemstone thing?

“Hey! Good news! I have some exposition that I need to say in a manner that just sounds like I’m an actor reciting exposition!” I swear I’m done. It’s just so distracting.

Ok but Bree talking about Claire’s wall coming down would maybe have a bit more weight if we actually saw Claire having a wall up with Bree as she was growing up rather than just what Frank said and Bree said? Also, has it really not clicked for Bree that if Claire leaves, it’s forever?

Roger has chemistry with Bree but Bree like doesn’t have chemistry with Roger? Roger’s going to carry everything with the two of them, isn’t he...

It seems weird that the library or whatever wouldn’t have records for a whole century? Like I get that the show doesn’t want them to find Jamie this episode, but it was odd to me that like that many records were missing? Idk. I’m not a librarian or historian so I’ll just go with it.

I am so here for Claire “smash the patriarchy” Beauchamp sitting wherever the fuck she wants in a bar. I’m sick of all the over the top misogyny in this show this season and apparently so is she, haha. Like I get that “it’s the times,” but sheesh. It’s fucking overkill.

Ok but $20 says Roger shows up in Boston next episode having found Jamie because Jamie printed something about Freedom & Whisky and Roger remembers Claire saying she quoted that to Jamie. And also because it’s in the book and that’s literally the name of next week’s episode so I feel like it’s a safe bet, lol.

Ok the cheers is like the most awkward cheers to ever cheers. It’s like these three have never cheers’ed before and have no clue how you’re supposed to do it.

But Claire looking up before she drinks, like at Jamie or whatever, kills me. And her little nod after, before she says “it’s time to go home.” Like she’s made her decision and is convincing herself it’s the right one. Dagger to the heart.

The first time I watched the episode, I hated that she gave up that quickly. It really bothered me. But then I watched it again after reading this post from @abreathofsnowandashes and now I am fully on board with this choice. Like she’s spent 20 years holding herself together by sheer force of will. She was never allowed to feel the full weight of her loss. Fuck you, Frank. So to feel it all now, after so long, might be what completely breaks her. Like she’s broken now and basically being held together with scotch tape, but I think in this moment when she decides to go home she knows that the tape is starting to come loose and if they keep digging and don’t find Jamie then there will be no putting her back together. And she still has her work and Bree, and while they’re not what she had with Jamie, I can see why in this moment of defeat she might be able to *mostly* convince herself that what she has now is enough. I just want to give her a hug.

JUST WAIT UNTIL NEXT WEEK THOUGH, BABE! IT’LL ALL WORK OUT, I PROMISE!

Her face on the plane though. Goddammit I’m crying.

Helwater

Love the title card. I get that last week’s was trying to be cute because the dog’s going to be in one of the pictures that Claire brings back to show Jamie, but like I really prefer the ones that are relevant to the actual episode they’re introducing.

I’ve apparently been pronouncing Dunsany wrong all this time.

Oh hey, the fam’s getting out of this like clown car of a carriage. I wonder which sister is nice and friendly and which one is kind of a bitch?

I ship Jamie and a comb. Like seriously, there are a few times in this episode where his hair looks awesome, but the rest is just like dude. It looks like something died on your head.

“So you’re the Scottish prisoner.” “Yep. There’s a whole book about it.”

Part of me is like uh, it seems a tad too personal that Jamie would share something like losing his children with Lord Dunsany (like just in terms of an employee/employer or prisoner/jailer dynamic), but at the same time punch me in the face with feels at Jamie saying “I’ve lost two children myself.” He’s finally in a place where he can talk about his losses without completely losing it. And it’s nice to see him still holding on to those memories of his family while no longer being crippled by the thoughts. But it’s going to be three lost children soon and I’m not ready.

Ok yeah they’re establishing Geneva as kind of a bitch and stuff, but also she’s hot af and brb, having thoughts. I’m a shallow, shallow person sometimes.

Seriously though, she was really good in Mercy Street. Which was a little PBS Civil War show with the guy from HIMYM and the girl from the most recent season of Fargo. You should check it out.

I do love show!Isobel though. Like again, well done, show, with expanding her into an actual character like they did with Mary in ep. 302.

Uh, Jamie? I know you think you’re doing the right thing and mean well and stuff but is it maybe over a line for a groom to be telling the lady why she shouldn’t have a crush on a dude? Even if the reason you’re giving isn’t the one you’re actually thinking of because you’re not a terrible person and would never out the guy?

Ok. Geneva’s an entitled brat, but even entitled brats don’t deserve to be married off to old people and talked about like they’re not standing right fucking there. Fuck the patriarchy. In any century.

Jamie, again dude. Combs. They exist. Hell, you have horse brushes in the stables. Do something about this hair situation.

Ah, lady whose entire wardrobe is apparently blue and white has an idea! I don’t blame her in the slightest for this idea. I have thoughts on the execution of this idea. But those will come later...

“What do you find attractive?” “I don’t think of such things, my lady.” “Liar.” Ok but he *doesn’t* really think of women that way anymore because Claire is his one and only so when she says “liar” and he like stops his horse and looks at her with that face it kills me a little. Because she doesn’t know it, but to him it’s like she’s telling him that he does think of women other than Claire and he’s like ready to throw down over that because GODDAMMIT CLAIRE IS HIS EVERYTHING AND IT’S GONNA BE OK BUDDY, I PROMISE!!!

For real though. Look how he completely changes how he is with her just from that one word. From the begrudgingly accommodating groom to just straight up hostility.

I am so here for him dropping her in the mud. Like obvi not the wisest decision, but I do dumb, rash things all the time so I’m here for it.

HAL! Hi, Hal. Let’s get subtexty!

I like Hal. Hal’s an honorable dude. But it really does make me feel for Lord John that Hal clearly is embarrassed and disgusted by who Lord John is. I can relate, John.

It’s always good to proposition someone while they’re literally knee deep in shit. But then again, I was asked to prom while I was dumping out chemical waste from the CVS photo lab so apparently timing just isn’t some people’s strong suit.

Uh, Geneva? You really want to be like having this convo when there are a fuckton of people wandering around right behind you? But I guess they’re all like servants or something so maybe you don’t give a fuck? Still maybe not the best choice?

“I am damned if my maidenhead will be given to a depraved old goat like Ellesmere.” Ok I wish they had lightened up on the blackmail and just had this, the real reason, be the only-ish reason. Like I get that Jamie doesn’t take sex lightly so yeah if I’m being honest, some blackmail was probably necessary. But like they could have left it with the threat of incarceration again and left Lallybroch out of it. Because after seeing Jamie’s reactions to the irons last week, I’d believe he’d be willing to fuck this girl just so he didn’t have to go back to that.

For real though. This is the third time the show has done the “coerced into sex to save people the character loves” thing. And I get that it’s in the books all those times, but the books repeat shit ad nauseam because Diana is a lazy writer. It’s ok to switch things up, show.

I’m convinced that Helwater would be the easiest place to rob ever. Between Jamie getting in and Willie getting out at the end, it’s like does no one lock any doors?

I really do like how the actual scene plays though. Yes, she got him there by totally fucked up means, but once he’s there, he’s the one in charge and setting the rules.

Like bless them for the almost absurd amount of consent checks. Blesssss. Like all I wanted was for them to not make Jamie a rapist like he is in the book and they go and have him ask if he can touch her and then give her an out if she wants, making her reaffirm that yes she’s on board with this. And then she later asks him if she can touch his dick and waits for him to say yes. Like for a scene brought about by coerced consent (which *is not* actual consent) and blackmail, this is literally more than I hoped we would get in terms of “fixing” the actual goings on.

“I’m doing this for myself. I want my first time to be with someone like you.” Ok obviously I’m still not ok with blackmailing someone into sex, but I really do think that this line changes things a bit for Jamie. Like yeah, Geneva’s an entitled bitch. But she’s also being treated like property and scared of her future with the husband her parents are basically selling her to. To be perfectly clear, this *does not* excuse how she got Jamie to come to her room. Not at all. Nothing excuses that, it’s always going to be wrong. But to have her say that, to have her admit that she doesn’t know what she’s doing but she knows that she doesn’t want her first time to be with an old stranger, I think that strikes a chord with Jamie. Because not only does he know what it’s like to be raped, what it’s like to have your body violated by someone you don’t want touching you (which is basically Geneva’s whole future with Ellesmere)(yes she dies before he fucks her but neither of them know that at the time), he also knows what it’s like to have someone make your first time as comfortable as possible. I think he can understand a little bit why she is taking this for herself by any means necessary, even if her methods are reprehensible.

TL;DR: Blackmailing someone for sex is *never* ok. This scene had to happen because they’re doing the Willie plot. This is probably the best we could have hoped for from this production team.

“Will you show me how it’s done?” She got him here by blackmail, but he took back some of the power when he said she couldn’t call him Jamie and now she’s giving him the rest back. It’s still wicked fucked up, but in the room it’s less fucked up than how they got to the room? I have weird feelings but I’m so fucking tired of being ragey. Like I’m just going to cling to them giving Jamie some agency in the scene, I guess...

Forgive me a shallow moment, but Geneva has great boobs.

Although is the boob suck ‘n’ lick Jamie’s like signature move? Because he def did that in eps 109 and 204 too. And I don’t feel pervy about remembering secksi time details because I remember random shit from non-secksi times too.

I think Jon Snow might have a better bum. Sorry, Jamie.

Ok but the montage of the actual sex should have been like at least two clips shorter. Like we get it. They’re banging. And it’s just sex. There is a stark difference between this sex and when Jamie is with Claire. Just like there was a huge difference when Claire was with Frank. Point made. Move on. FFS. It was gratuitous af by the end and we all know how you *hate* having gratuitous sex, show. *rolls eyes*

For real though, show fucking *all the Claire and Jamie secksi times* please, because those actually have emotional meaning and resonance behind them. When people say they want more sex, that’s what they’re actually talking about, show.

I’m constantly trying to block the vast majority of season two from my memory so I won’t rant about how we never got to see Claire and Jamie conceive either of their kids because “they’re married so we don’t need to see them have sex” and “they’re not the royals” but we see all of this. Because this mostly works for me and it’s not worth getting worked up over a garbage season.

Ok but when they’re done and he makes it clear that what they just did isn’t love is great. Like he’s clear (both for himself and for the audience) that sleeping with her is in no way like what he had with Claire. Or taking away from what he had with Claire. It’s just sex. And he gives her back her nightgown and his side of the deal is done and there’s no round two or three or however many there were in the book and I’m honestly pleasantly surprised with how the show handled it. My expectations were *very* low, but they honestly did a good job with it.

I feel like they would have sent a servant to get Jamie from the stable but cool that Isobel gets to be the exposition monkey here just to give her something to do?

My first thought at the shot of Ellesmere’s estate was just that I really want to rollerblade through those hallways.

Oh Jamie’s face when he finds out he has a son. Who is healthy. Who he can’t claim. *has many, many feelings*

I *love* that Isobel knows everything. Slash I love that Geneva and Isobel had the kind of relationship where they shared stuff like this. She still fucking blackmailed a dude into sex, which is never ok, but at least she’s not a one dimensional bitch? Like the blackmail was a desperate move rather than strictly malicious? Cool motive, still fucked up. Le sigh.

I’m also glad they cut the Michael Jackson holding a baby out the window thing from the book and just have Ellesmere threatening the baby in the hall. (Is there a “right” way to threaten a baby? Because now I feel weird for writing that...)

OMG JAMIE HOLDING HIS SON. LOOK AT HIM. I HAVE FEELINGS.

Lady Isobel can join Mary and Fiona’s Cinnamon Roll Squad.

JAMIE TALKING TO HIS BABY OMG WHY IS MY FACE WET.

Also why does “you’re so wee” make me giggle? Like it’s so sweet but it sounds silly and makes me laugh.

Death by misadventure sounds so exciting. Like I get here they’re implying suicide, but omg it sounds like it should be something epic.

OK BUT I AM SO HERE FOR JAMIE HAVING A CHOICE IN HIS FUTURE FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE CULLODEN! LIKE LOOK AT HIS FACE WHEN HE REALIZES THAT HIS LIFE IS HIS OWN AGAIN!

Also, way to not be subtle with why you’re staying, Jamie. Stare at the baby a little longer why don’t you.

Give me all the Da!Jamie goodness! I am so here for Jamie getting to be with his son and having a small part in raising him. Love isn’t a zero sum thing. Loving Willie and getting to be part of his life doesn’t mean he loves Faith or Bree any less. I will never begrudge Jamie the happiness that comes from getting to be with his son.

Although that kid looks *literally nothing* like Jamie. Like the more the show tries to make it a thing that they look alike and therefore Jamie needs to leave the more I giggle. Because omfg there is nothing about that kid that looks like Jamie.

But Jamie’s face in the shot with the reflection in the carriage as Willie’s cleaning it is heartbreaking. Because he knows he has to leave and now the number of lost children is about to go up by one and why am I feeling all the feelings.

Oh Jamie’s face when Willie yells at him for calling him a bastard. You’re making the right choice in leaving, Jamie. It’s not fair and it’ll hurt like a motherfucker, but it’s the right choice.

I’d like to think that Lord John works out Willie’s parentage himself rather than Lady Isobel telling him.

I’m still not totally a fan of Jamie offering himself to Lord John in exchange for Lord John looking after Willie, especially since we just had sex as a bargaining chip earlier in the episode. (And yes, I know the offer was a test for John more than an actual offer, but Jamie should know John’s character by now, so I could still do without it. [x,x,x from ABOSAA]) But it works better in the show than it does in the book and I’m really, really loving David Berry. Like I am still liking show!John much better than book!John.

The double handshake works so much better than the kiss. A+ adaptive choice, show. I’m totally on board with show!Lord John still having a thing for Jamie, but like as long as they don’t make that his defining trait like it is in the books.

OK BUT THIS WHOLE STINKING PAPIST SCENE. WHY IS MY FACE WET.

LOOK AT JAMIE TELLING HIS SON ABOUT THEIR FAMILY. ABOUT WILLIE. ABOUT JENNY. ABOUT MURTAGH. ABOUT CLAIRE. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS, GUYS.

“I REMEMBER HER. ALWAYS.” SHE REMEMBERS YOU TOO, JAMIE! JUST YOU WAIT, JUST YOU WAIT!

“Or...she will find you.” Oh, Jamie. *has feelings*

I fucking LOVE that they swapped the rosary for a new Sawny! Fucking. Love. It. Goddammit, show, well fucking done with the adaptive choices this episode.

THIS GODDAMN SONG. WHY IS THERE A RIVER ON MY FACE. I AM NOT OK. *aggressively listens to Dylan for the rest of the day*

Jamie with his hand on Willie’s head. I’m dying.

Isobel telling Jamie they’ll take care of his son. I’m ded.

The look between John and Jamie. I’m dedder.

OMG AND HE DOESN’T LOOK BACK BECAUSE HE CAN’T OR HE’LL COMPLETELY LOSE IT AND LOOK AT ALL THE PAIN IN HIS FACE. WHY DO YOU KILL ME LIKE THIS SHOW? PLEASE KILL ME LIKE THIS AGAIN!

[yujachachacha]

AWM 2017 recap

Things I saw at AWM today plus some bonus content I was informed of by other attendees of the event (roughly in chronological order):

Cinderella Girls

- I know next to nothing about this series except that Rin and Uzuki and that Love Laika duo are popular yuri ships lol.

- I already forgot their setlist OTL sorry I’d probably remember if I listened to some of their songs again. I think they performed 5? STAR, GOIN…uh…

- They pretty much spoke Japanese the entire time and were impressed that the audience seemed to be following along well despite that.

- They did a live skit or something? They showed clips from the anime(?) for each character and had them read a script live. Was pretty cute.

- Lit songs of the set list: YES PARTY TIME (is…is that the right title lol I just remember screaming those words a lot), and of course their closing song Onegai Cinderella.

- Okay to be exact all the songs were exciting but those two were particularly lit. iM@S songs have somewhat difficult calls (at least compared to Aqours) but those two songs are pretty easy to follow along with for wotaing even if you’re not at all familiar with the series.

- They performed one song I wasn’t familiar with because it wasn’t on the AWM Day 0 fan-compiled playlist nor the CG callbook _(:3 」∠)_ I believe this was one of their opening songs, so I started off the concert vaguely waving my KB and chanting “HAI HAI HAI HAI Uhhhh I don’t know the calls for this OOOH HAI OOOH HAI”, thanks for carrying the rest of us, Producers 👌

- Okay a friend has told me that song is Yumeiro Harmony? RIP.

Wake Up, Girls!

- 6 songs performed: Tachiagare!, Koi? de Ai? de Boukun Desu!, SHOUJO KOUKYOUKYOKU, Beyond the Bottom, 7 Girls War, Gokujou Smile. I…already forgot the exact order of the songs, but I *think* at least the first two are in the right places. Beyond the Bottom was close to the end iirc.

- I watched a grand total of 3 episodes of the anime plus the first movie so I’m not particularly familiar with the series, but I got attached to Minyami…to no one’s surprise lol, she happens to be the character whose image color is yellow and has a “nya” catchphrase 🙃 I screamed whenever she got a solo part she’s so cute aaah

- Mayushii is such a good singer holy fuck, kinda reminds me of a super-ikemen Emitsun (except ever since I saw a niconama of her crying hysterically over a horror game I can’t take her seriously :3c).

- They were saying things about having the audience smile or something as a lead-in into Gokujou Smile lol

- They tried to speak a bit of English, but it was mostly basic stuff. They were cute. :)

- I broke a UG (Ultra Green, the green version of a UO/Ultra Orange - which y'all might be familiar with from Snow halation) for Tachiagare and I lost my shit because Shukamod couldn’t find her UG, and she ended up breaking like 4-6 UBs (Ultra Blue, for songs like KoiAqua and MIRAI TICKET) unintentionally in her frantic search for one before I took pity on her and gave her my spare lol.

- SHOUJO KKK was motherfucking lit, everyone lost their shit at the hips great choreography and deep voices.

- Lowkey sad that they didn’t perform 16 sai no Agape because it’s the first WUG song I knew (thanks to King’s ANiUTa playlist) but I don’t have any complaints about their performance tbh. They are really, really good dancers and Mayushii’s singing is so damn ikemen I died.

- Everyone else in ONIBE was 🍝 for Yoppi lol.

- 15min intermission afterwards.

Walkure

- Only 2 members performed but it was still lit~

- These two are so talented??? The audience (me included) completely lost their shit at Ikenai Borderline.

- Shukamod probably had a good laugh at me screaming shit like “OH MY GOD JUNNA IS 16 HOW TF IS SHE THIS GOOD WHAT AN IKEBO HOLY SHIT”

- oh yeah, setlist…uhhh…also can’t recall the titles from the top of my head, but Ichi Do Dake no Koi Nara was one I remember. Really good song holy mother of god.

- Friends have reminded me that there was 5, and the first song was Koi Halation, other was Bokura no Senjou, and also supplied the title of the last song (I know the calls but not the title lol).

- In the MC, JUNNA and Minori talked about how they were really impressed by the American burgers. They wanted recommendations for more delicious burgers and several people in the audience had to start a chant to help them remember. They started to say McDonald’s and everyone screamed in horror until they eventually caught on that people were chanting “In N Out” lmao.

- They spoke so much Engrish bless these kids

- For the MC before the last song (Run ga Pikatta Hikattara), Minori was trying to teach the audience the call for it and was pleasantly surprised when the audience automatically did the call once she started singing a specific part of the song without her having to spell it out for us. What do you take us for, casuals? >:|

- All the solo parts were done by Minori…dunno if that’s normal but that’s what I noticed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aqours

- These are somewhat arbitrary numbers but it seemed like that the audience was made of like 25% CG fans, 10% WUG fans, 5% Walkure fans, and then the rest were there for Aqours. Possibly even more for Aqours, since I saw an insane number of people wearing the caps from the You birthday set lol. I even spotted someone cosplaying Ruby from the recent Time Travel set on SIF, holy shit how did they assemble that costume for AX so quickly… Anyways, of course the entire theater went wild when Aqours was finally up to perform.

- Like for their Christmas minilive and 1st Live, the members entered 1 by 1 through a splash screen introducing their character by default member order (i.e. Chika-Riko-Kanan-Dia-You-etc).

- To no one’s surprise, they started with Aozora Jumping Heart. @saitou-shuka and I were pretty much screaming our hearts out from the start. Shukamod broke a mega UO during Shukashuu’s intro lmao.

- They were wearing their MIRAI TICKET outfits and their set list basically turned out to be almost identical to their ANiUPa setlist.

- MC (member introductions using their standard character speeches e.g. Kanan going “I guess my appeal point is my muscles?”) after Aozora. They went down the line in the order Aikyan-Furirin-King-Rikyako-Anchan-Shukashuu-Suwawa-Arisha-Ainya.

- They didn’t do their call and responses (T_T) and I noticed that right away when Aikyan went into her introduction, so after she finished speaking I screamed “OHAYOSHIKO” and a few people copied me, I think? Me and Shukamod ended up shouting the call & responses before or after each introduction lol.

- Aikyan mentioned that this was her first time in America with Aqours, and when King did her introduction she sounded so smug going “This is my second time zura~~~”

- Rikyako mentioned that this was actually the first overseas performance for Aqours (which I already knew but it’s still cool to be reminded again) and everyone was hyped.

- Screamed a lot during Shuka’s intro RIP my voice.

- Suwawa started her self-intro and forgot what her lines were partway through so we had a good laugh when she went “Eh, nandake?” all of a sudden lol.

- People were cheering loudly for Arisha partway through her introduction, so she shushed everyone and then went “suki” and everyone lost their shit again.

- Ainya is so tiny omg what a shiny smol girl

- I made the resolution to be the American version of that one guy who always screams “AAAAaIiiNYAAAaaaAAa” at Aqours lives, and according to Shukamod I did a pretty good replication of it :3c

- Rikyako and Suwawa were in charge of the English language MC and their English has gotten really, really good holy crap. Only complaint I would have was the line “Let’s enjoy with us!” (should be something like “Let’s have fun together” or w/e), but their pronunciation and speed were godly. Both spoke a lot, but Rikyako in particular was really active in repeating stuff said in Japanese into English.

- Ainya was really clingy with Arisha lol I don’t remember which MC it was during but Ainya kept hugging Arisha and stuff lol

- Rikyako then said that the next song would be from their first single and everyone got hyped for KimiKoko.

- SHUKA LEAPFROG IN HER MIRAI TICKET OUTFIT WOOHOO SEEING IT LIVE WAS WILD

- KOIAQUA AFTERWARDS WHOOOOOOO SHUKA’S DANCING WAS SO GOOD!!! Also according to some people in other seats there were some audience members who were doing the “IE TAIGAAAA” calls for this song 🙃 Shukamod and I each broke a handful of UBS for this of course haha

- Another MC/small break afterwards! Furirin did that routine she always does at Aqours lives where she suddenly collapses and asks if she can have a water break lol is this gonna be a regular routine now?

- SHUKA ACCIDENTALLY TOOK ANCHAN’S BOTTLE AND FLAILED AND SAID SOMETHING LIKE “OH NO I DRANK SO MUCH OF CHIKA-CHAN’S WATER”

- MIRAI TICKET was announced as the Ep 13 insert song to be performed next! It was fun breaking out the UOs and UBS for this song too~ The “we say yousoro” part was of course enthusiastically screamed by all the You fans in particular o7

- Surprise song Yume Kataru yori Yume Utaou! They brought out pom poms too! Ainya and Arisha had a really cute hug in this song :D According to others apparently the 1st years were also super clingy and were doing lots of group hugs and stuff

Miscellaneous

- I spotted someone trying to record a part of the concert in the beginning and got really mad and pointed it out to the members of ONIBE I was sitting with. We screamed something like “HEY FUCKER YOU WITH THE CAMERA STOP FUCKING RECORDING” at him after the song, which caused a lot of stares but did achieve the effect of getting him to stop.

- When Aqours finished, Anchan became the MC for the closing speeches at the end.

- Minori had a paper at the closing MC with a speech written in English on it lol. She tweeted a picture of it after the performance, but basically it’s something along the lines of “Thanks everyone, In n Out burgers No. 1!!!” lmao

- JUNNA couldn’t come on stage at the closing MC with all the artists at the end because minors (JUNNA is 16) aren’t allowed to work after 10pm lmao, I had been so confused and concerned until that announcement was made and then I just cracked up.

- I saw Anchan making an adorable pouty face during one of the other groups’ closing speech aaaah so precious.

- Furirin and Shukashuu were doing small “ganbaruby” motions off to the side bless these two :’D

- King kept doing the Ohanamaru pose too lol

- Apparently for the VIP meet & greet after the concert, someone did a “hagu shiyo” with their friend in front of Suwawa, and in response Suwawa did it too with Shukashuu.

- Sosa (Korean Twitter artist famous for their NozoEli video comic of Garasu no Hanazono) was apparently at AWM today…AND RECEIVED A CALLBOOK FROM ONIBE. I MIGHT HAVE WALKED PAST ONE OF THE KOREAN ARTISTS WHO’VE I’VE TRANSLATED FOR. I MIGHT HAVE EVEN HANDED ONE TO THEM. WHAT THE HELL??

[benditlikebedford]

Halsey && Matty

Okay, so this is going to be long so I’m going to put it under a read more BUT I just want to say that I don’t have sources for most of this because it’s from Halsey’s old tumblr that she deleted and other stuff (screenshots, pictures, etc.) I’ve had saved on my computer for agessss so I don’t remember where I originally got them. But also a lot of this stuff, like the lyric analysis, just came from my own brain and the fact that I’ve seen way too many interviews of the 1975.

SO first things first. Halsey and Matty were friends with benefits (NOT dating... just friends that hooked up a lot) for ?? a period of time. I’m not sure when it started or when it ended but I’m thinking it ended around 2014 based on when they stopped appearing in pictures together.

Halsey has written three songs that I am 100% certain are about Matty, and there’s two others that I think MIGHT be about him but I’m not certain.

Generally speaking, Halsey has said in interviews that Matty was a huge influence on her writing and even helped write some of her songs.

So the first song, and most damning one, is Colors.

“Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so. You said your mother only smiled on her TV show.”

This is obviously about Louis (Matty’s younger brother) who’s lowkey a shithead but I love him so much and Matty’s mum (aka my mum that I WORSHIP) Denise. Denise has had depression and she’s also on a soap so that’s where those lines come from.

“You’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope. I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old.”

I’m sure you know by now that Matty loves weed. But this was also written long before ILIWYS era so we all know that during that last stretch of touring Matty was just very unhealthy and unhappy and tired. (And I’m so glad that’s no longer the case.) The second part is because he was 25/26ish at the time and loads of famous people die of suicide/drug overdose at/before age 28. Matty gave her a slight dig on twitter on his 28th birthday which I made a post about here lol.

((Less obvious, more of an assumption, but I think the “tearing through the pages and the ink” has to do with the fact that matty’s always on that damn typewriter and typewriters can be very wasteful since if you mess up you have to start completely over hence the tearing through the pages and ink.))

“Everything was grey, his hair, his smoke his dreams and now he’s so devoid of colour he don’t know what it means.”

After the beloved undercut/side shave from circa Girls MV, Matty’s hair actually grew back in grey so that’s that part. His smoke, oh gee, does Matty smoke? I don’t think he does? (lol) And also I’m pretty sure the so devoid of colour thing is about the fact that Halsey was with Matty around the time that everything they did was in black and white.

“You were a vision in the morning when the light came through. I know I’ve only felt religion when I’ve lied with you.”

Later in this post I’m going to talk about the poems that she wrote about Matty on her old tumblr and she LOVES to talk about waking up in the morning with him. Like. LOVES to talk about that. Also y’all should know Matty is always calling sex the closest thing to religion he’s ever felt. (Also? Grammar question, does anyone know the answer? Is it supposed to be lied or laid? I think it’s supposed to be laid.)

“You’ll never be forgiven until your boys are too.”

Matty is extremely reliant on the boys (George, Adam, Ross) he can’t really do anything without them sort of thing here.

Okay now let’s talk about Strange Love. My analysis for this one isn’t as intense as Colors don’t worry haha.  

Basically this entire song is about media being fascinated with Matty and how he’s a literal sex god. The whole “Everybody wants to know if we fucked on the bathroom sink, how your hands felt in my hair, etc. etc.” is about people wanting to know about their relationship as he gets more famous.

The most interesting part about this song though is the “We wrote a story in the fog on the window that night, but the ending is the same every damn time.” 

Matty, for whatever reason, has a fascination with writing in fog. You see in in both The Sound and in the Somebody Else music videos. 

I couldn’t find a gif of the part where Matty writes the rectangle on the car window in Somebody Else but he does it there too. 

Halsey also talks about his fog writing obsession in one of her poems aka THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING EVER WRITTEN and we’ll talk about that later don’t worry it’s coming. 

The part about “the ending is the same every damn time” is how Halsey wanted their hook ups to end with something more, with a real relationship, but they never did. 

So the last one I want to go into detail about is EXTREMELY important and that’s Is There Somewhere. 

YALL THE WHOLE ROOM 93 EP IS ABOUT MATTY OKAY

So in the Room 93 Commentary Halsey talks about how the whole album is about a couple (her and Matty) in a hotel room “sharing a moment”. She says that “Is there somewhere you can meet me” was the text message frequently exchanged between her and the person the song is about (Matty) and how basically they always ended up meeting in a hotel room. Some other interview (don’t remember which one sorry guys) she says basically the same thing about the texts BUT she adds a super damning detail about how the texts were exchanged when “this person” (Matty) and her were both on tour and if they ever overlapped they’d send that text. 

As for the song itself, it’s just... so obviously about Matty. Some very telling details are “dancing in your tube socks” and the part about his crooked teeth.

NOW THIS PART IS VERY IMPORTANT LIKE !!! PAY ATTENTION 

“And I try to refrain but you're stuck in my brain and all I do is cry and complain because second's not the same.“

So right now you’re probably like ?? Halsey was a sidechick ?? Matty was cheating on someone??

NO (okay at least that’s not MY OPINION. Some people think he was cheating on Gemma with Halsey but I don’t have enough proof for that, and considering how crushed Matty was when he broke up with Gemma I really don’t think he would’ve cheated on her. Also I don’t think the timeline adds up (again, based on my research) I think Halsey came after Gemma, sort of as a placeholder for the loneliness he felt. WHICH i’ll talk about later.)

I think Halsey is referring to the fact that she’s second to the 1975. This period of Matty’s life right after the self titled came out and they started working on ILIWYS was HUGE for the band. More likely than not, he was putting most of his time and energy into the band and he wanted to focus on that more than on having a serious relationship. Halsey obviously wanted a serious relationship. 

OKAY SO THIS IS WHERE WE GET INTO THE TUMBLR STUFF NOW

Basically Halsey gave herself away big time because she posted this picture on her tumblr and captioned it “93″. Girl. 

BUT IT ONLY GETS BETTER FROM HERE. Halsey wrote SO MUCH poetry about him. Way too much for me to put all in this post but like, just for reference here’s two:

This one talks about how much she loves waking up with him in the morning (told yall). and obviously those DAMN CURLS. 

and yeah this is also about him lmao matty damn that boy

As for THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING EVER WRITTEn okay get ready because its a lot its super long but

I lost one here I must’ve deleted it accidentally a long time ago but I don’t know where to find it again :( 

EDIT;; HERE’S THE WHOLE THING 

okay so

There’s a ton of religious metaphors, which is obviously such a Matty thing I mean, come on. She also mentions his black jeans, his staple back in the day, his socks are mentioned again, as is the whole window fog deal. She talks about drugs, sex, him being a fucking nerd with the way he talks AND the most interesting like “we fight about where the chord change should go” which is about him helping her write music, which she talked about on her tumblr as well (again, the tumblr is deleted and I don’t have a screenshot of that but I remember it) something like “Matty influenced so much of my writing”. 

Okay, so the last thing we’re going to talk about now is something I haven’t ever seen anyone else mention but it’s just ?? so obvious to me ??

She’s American (in my educated opinion, this is all guessing) is about Halsey.

So, let’s start with one of the very first lines “Synthetic apparitions of not being lonely”

Y’all come on. This is about one-night stands. It’s something made up (synthetic) that only lasts for a short amount of time (apparition) and they make you feel less lonely, only for one night. Pretty sure this is about Halsey and their “is there somewhere” meetings. ALSO THIS IS WHY I don’t think Matty was dating Gemma at the time because he was LONELY whenever he was with Halsey. Also she said somewhere, I think in the same place where she mentioned Matty influencing her writing that they met up, while they were both on tour, to get rid of loneliness just for the night. (but the way she said it was so much more poetic than me lol)

EDIT;; this is what i was talking about with “simply a friend to fill a king sized bed”

The whole chorus is about how she doesn't see how there’s any issue with their relationship and is focusing on all the superficial aspects (them being socially relevant, his teeth). You can see this in real life as Halsey is at events constantly and the 1975 rarely are. 

"She calls on the phone like the old days expecting the world.”

I’m 90% sure this is about Halsey hitting Matty with a “Is there somewhere you can meet me text.” within the last like two-three and he has to be like “We don’t do this anymore.” 

Also, as far as I’M aware, Matty was never in a relationship (I.E. hooking up more than once) with someone that was American other than Halsey. Gemma was British and Taylor Swift DIDN’T HAPPEN GUYS. 

Also New Americana was her most popular song at the time that ILIWYS was being written so. 

THERE YOU GO GUYS. I think that’s everything I’ve got BUT if I think of anything else I’ll make some edits or post something about it. I want to know what you guys think, if you have any thoughts or opinions or anything you want to add so slide into those dm’s or that inbox anytime and I’d love to chat (about this or anything else tbh!)

xoxo valarie

[the-raven-sisters]

Chapter Six

Title: Love, Peace, and Rock & Roll

Theme Songs: This Is Gospel by Panic! At the Disco / Sign of the Times by Harry Styles

Word Count: 4,386

Warnings: language, angst, brief fight scene

Characters: (OC) Harper Raven, (OC) Maisie Raven, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel, Crowley, Lucifer

A/N: this is our rendition of how Rock Never Dies (ep. 7 of season 12) occurs with the girls! So if you were wondering what season of supernatural this all starts in, it's season 12 :) by the way, Piper is at the Safehouse with the dogs, chilling in this part if you’re wondering lol -M&H

Read Ch. 5 and previous mini-chapters here and here!

Chapter List | Extra Content | Character Roster

Harper’s truck rolls to a stop in front of a luxurious hotel in Los Angeles, causing her to throw Maisie a questioning look. “This can't be it… Are you sure this is the address Cas sent you?” Maisie shrugs, hopping out of the truck, as Harper throws it into park before following suit.

“One of the boys must’ve sold their soul to the devil to stay in this place,” Maisie comments under her breath.

Harper shoots her an unimpressed look. “Really?”

They walk toward the front doors and find Cas, waiting on the sidewalk for their arrival. The girls’ faces light up at the sight of him, despite the grim situation that has brought them together. “Cas!” Maisie calls happily. Turning toward the sound of her voice, Cas nods at them in greeting.

“What’s with the fancy hotel? Who’s staying here?” Harper asks instead of giving him a ‘hello.’

“Lucifer,” Cas responds in a matter-of-fact tone; Harper raises her eyebrow, but says nothing. “The Winchesters are waiting inside for my return. Crowley, too, unfortunately,” he adds with a look of displeasure.

“Have you found him yet?” Maisie asks.

Cas shakes his head. “He’s at an exclusive concert. My contact didn’t come through. I do not think anyone else retrieved the information we need, either.”

Harper lets out a sigh before gesturing for Cas to lead the way inside the hotel. Cas saunters into the lobby with Maisie and Harper close behind. “Cas,” Sam sounds surprised. “Maisie? Harper? What are you doing here?”

“Here to help,” Harper responds simply, earning a frown from Sam.

Cas makes it to the empty chair near Crowley, but gestures for Maisie to take a seat. Smiling, Maisie puts her hand on his arm for a brief moment as she walks around him to the chair. “Thank you,” Maisie says as she sits, and Cas stands nearby her. Watching Cas and Maisie, Dean attempts to keep a straight face despite the turmoil of emotions, stirring inside him at the ease of their exchange.

Harper takes a seat in between Crowley and Sam on the couch. “So, you must be Crowley,” she prompts, glancing over at him. Sam stares at Harper, as if he couldn’t believe she is sitting next to him.

“Nice to meet you, sweetheart.” Crowley’s remark rolls easily off his tongue. Feeling slightly uncomfortable by the nickname, Harper glances over to Sam, but chooses to ignore his unhappy expression.

Dean takes the moment of silence as an opportunity. “So, anything, Cas?”

“No.” Cas lets out a gruff sigh as he speaks.

“So, we couldn’t flip a single member of Vince’s team. Even with the threat of mass murder, these SoCal douchebags wouldn’t do the right thing.” Dean’s comment reveals his frustration despite the straight face he struggles to keep.

“Welcome to Los Angeles,” Crowley quips sarcastically.

“So, what’s next then?” Maisie asks, glancing around the room at all the defeated faces, and only earning a shrug from Harper.

“We’ll figure it out.” She looks at Sam with a half smile, trying to cheer him, but to no avail.

“Why did you come?” He asks, irritation clear in his tone.

“Because Cas called, and you need us,” she responds defensively. Sam and Dean both glance at Cas, who nods with his usual serious expression.

“You shouldn’t have come.” Sam crosses his arms over his chest.

“Seriously?” Harper scoffs, turning her body toward him, their knees bumping. “Lucifer is killing people, you’re trying to stop him, and you want me to sit on the fucking sidelines?” Dean glances over at Maisie, thinking something along the same lines. Feeling Dean’s eyes on her, Maisie glances his way and raises an eyebrow at him, as if asking whether he’ll try to fight her on this. Dean shrugs, knowing he’d never with that fight.

“Yeah, I do. It’s a suicide mission.” Sam counters, anger starting to seep into his tone.

“We have a better chance of surviving if we all fight.” Harper clenches her fists in her lap, trying not to let her anger control her tongue.

“There’s also a greater chance for one of us to die.” Sam angles his body more toward Harper, placing his arm around the back of the couch behind her shoulders. “I don’t want you or Maisie on this hunt.”

“Don’t bring me into your lovers’ quarrel,” Maisie interjects. Cas and Dean share a look, unsure what to do or how to react to the situation, while Crowley looks amused.

“Why do you suddenly not want me here?” Harper redirects, keeping Maisie out like she requested. Besides, this is between her and Sam. He looks away from her, refusing to respond.

“Hey guys,” Cas interrupts, gesturing to his phone. “Tommy texted me the venue.”

“Let’s go, then.” Harper jumps up from the couch, heading toward the door. Everyone else follows suit, rising from their seats.

“I’m going with you,” Sam says, promptly following after Harper, who is already halfway out the door. “Slow down, Harp.”

“Keep up,” Harper shoots over her shoulder without a glance. Crowley claps his hands together, practically relishing in the discord in the air.

“This is going to be fun,” Crowley grins devilishly at the others, before hastening after Sam and Harper. “I’m coming with!”

Maisie shakes her head as Dean breaks out into a smile. “That will be an interesting car ride,” Dean comments, laughter lacing his tone, but when he looks at his group and thinks the exact same thing, the amusement fades away. The three of them walk outside into the cool, nighttime air, and hop into the Impala. Cas opens the passenger seat for Maisie, before sliding into the backseat.

As Dean’s music plays through the speakers, Maisie’s inability to sing doesn’t keep her from serenading Cas loudly with a carefree grin on her face. When she sings to him, missing practically every note of the strong rock ballad all about a burning love, Dean’s jaw clenches, and his grip on the steering wheel tightens. Neither Maisie nor Cas notice as they merely enjoy the drive and the music floating through the car. Cas even joins in for the last chorus. On the other hand, Dean couldn’t wait to get out of the car; he would rather fight the devil himself than third-wheel in his Baby.

Meanwhile, Crowley sits in the backseat of Harper’s truck, happily being the odd one out as he basks in Sam and Harper’s argument. “So?” Harper asks sharply after a minute of silence. “Why don’t you want me here?” Her grip on the steering wheel tightens as she follows Dean’s Impala down the Los Angeles streets.

Sam glances back at Crowley, silently conveying his discomfort at revealing information in his presence, but as he looks back at Harper, quietly seething with a death-grip on the wheel, he realizes he would rather talk about this in front of Crowley than deal with Harper’s wrath. Letting out a sigh, Sam decides to actively ignore the demon in the backseat, pretending like it’s only himself and Harper.

“I’m worried,” he starts.

Harper’s stern expression soften slightly, and her grip loosens. “About what? Me?” Sam nods.

“You’ve been having a hard time lately. I mean, you lost your friend recently and had a panic attack while on the phone with me about a week ago. I’m just… worried about you.” Sam’s tone is gentle and disarming, melting Harper’s anger away slowly.

“I’m fine,” she insists softly. “But what does this have to do with this case?” Harper adds quickly before Sam can refute her statement.

“My point is, I was worried about you before this case, and when you got here, I guess you surprised me. I don’t want this Lucifer problem to become another thing for you to deal with. You have enough on your plate, Harp.” Sam stares at her, deciphering her reaction.

She frowns slightly, but her gaze stays on the road. “I can handle this.”

“I know,” Sam says, a small smile on his lips. “You’re a smart, badass hunter, so of course, you can.” At the compliment, Harper can’t help the smile that blooms on her face. “But appease some of my worry by sticking near me when the fighting breaks out?”

Harper nods, smiling. “Anything for you, Sam.” She glances at him, momentarily making eye contact and noting the look on his face. He wants to reach out to give her a reassuring touch, and he almost does.

“Wow,” Crowley disrupts the moment. “The sexual tension is unbearable. Let’s pull over, and the three of us can hop into the bed of the truck, hmm?”

Suddenly, the truck jerks; the surprise from the comment causes Harper to accidentally jump on the brake. “What the fuck. Sorry,” she bumbles; the awkwardness of the situation finally occurs to her. Sam looks as uncomfortable as her before he shoots a ‘shut the hell up’ glare at Crowley. Thankfully, they don’t have time to revel in their embarrassment as both the Impala and the truck comes to a stop in front of their destination. Piling out of the vehicles, the two groups assemble on the sidewalk a block away from the concert venue.

“So, how was your drive?” Dean asks with a smug smile on his face. Cas steps away from the group as he pulls out his phone to call one of Ladyheart’s bandmates, Tommy, their inside man.

Sam clears his throat. “It was, uh, fine. Harper and I are good now.” Although, Harper still appears uncomfortable. Dean raises an eyebrow, and Maisie gives her sister a questioning glance.

“Yes, they had a riveting heart-to-heart,” Crowley says, trying to push the conversation along. “I had a nice view from the backseat.”

“Sorry about arguing in front of you guys.” Harper finally manages to speak despite her embarrassment, deciding to steer the conversation away from the car ride.

Cas turns back to the group, hanging up his phone. “Tommy’s still not answering.”

“He got us here. That’s all that matters.” Dean pulls out handcuffs and closes the truck of the Impala.

“Enochian handcuffs? That’s your move?” Crowley comments, a tinge of disbelief in his voice.

“They held me,” Cas defends, as he tries calling Tommy once again. Harper and Maisie share a look, both wondering what the story was behind that.

“You’re not him,” Crowley counters.

“Yeah, well we have no sure bets here, okay? Anything we use will be like popping BBs.” Dean admits, his tone strong and commanding.

Sam shifts on his feet, bumping his arm into Harper, and mutters, “See? Suicide mission.”

Harper gently nudges him back. “We’ll be fine,” she tries to reassure him, although her words fall short.

“Oh, great pep talk. Go team,” Crowley adds flatly.

“Guys, we’re here to do more than just take a shot on Lucifer,” Sam reminds them.

“We are?” Crowley raises his eyebrows at him.

“Yes, we have to save the people inside, too.” Sam gives Crowley a subtle look.

Maisie looks around their circle, a ragtag team composed of hunters, an angel, and a demon. “And we will save them,” Maisie adds, a confidence in her voice that bolsters each member.

“I’ll take Lucifer. He’s my responsibility.” Cas glances around to his friends.

“No, he’s not.” Sam’s tone conveys a sense of frustration. “He’s all of our responsibility.”

“Well, the only way we can clear that crowd without drawing fire is if he’s otherwise engaged.” Cas proposes his idea as if it’s their only hope.

“Engaged in what, Cas? Killing you?” Dean’s anger rises to the surface briefly.

“You can’t go alone, Cas,” Maisie adds, going for a more gentle approach. Dean glances at Maisie and then Cas, attempting to decipher where she’s going with this.

“Yeah, you’ll last three minutes, tops.” Sam doesn’t add any reassurance to the idea, causing Harper to give him a look, as if trying to imply he shouldn’t be so harsh.

“Then I’ll give you three minutes,” Cas replies, unwavering; Sam and Dean look exasperated by Cas’ stubborn behavior.

After a second of silence, Crowley adds to everyone’s surprise, “Make it four... What? I help.” With nothing left to add, Sam and Dean start walking away from the cars to the doors of the concert venue. Maisie and Harper share a look before following behind.

“You have fun in the Impala with Dean and Cas?” Harper asks, keeping in stride with her sister, who nods enthusiastically.

“Yup, Dean has good taste in music.” Maisie smiles. “What about you? Sam and Crowley, huh?”

Harper groans and throws her head back for a second. “Remind me to tell you about it later. You will not fucking believe what Crowley said to us.” She shakes her head.

“Us?” Maisie grins, and Harper rolls her eyes, electing to ignore her comment as they stride into the packed concert hall. Harper stays close to Sam, pushing their way through the crowd, while Maisie follows behind Dean.

Sam and Dean make eye contact from across the room, signaling the start of their plan as the music starts up. “Does anyone smell smoke?” Dean tries to say over the roar of the crowd. Maisie lifts an eyebrow in disbelief, directing it at Dean.

On the other side of the room, Sam nudges Harper, prompting her to get ready to pull the fire alarm while he keeps an eye on the security guard. “Are you sure this is gonna work?” She asks, but continues along with the plan.

“No, seriously. I think I smell smoke, everyone,” Dean insists, drawing the attention of a random, entitled, white man.

“Sure you’re not having a stroke?”

“Hey, I’m serious. We need to get out of here,” Dean responds, over the sound of Maisie’s unhelpful laughter, and puts a hand on his arm. The man pushes his arm away.

“Step off, dad.”

Maisie’s laughter subsides, her smile replaced by an unimpressed look that would make Harper proud. Stepping around Dean, she stares the man down. “If he’s a fucking dad, then you’re the creepy ass uncle no one likes.”

“What, you’re not man enough to handle this so you set your bitch on me?” The man scoffs.

Jaw clenched, Dean forcefully grabs the man by the collar of his shirt. “Call her a bitch. One. More. Time.” Before a fight can break out between the two, Maisie and the security guard pull Dean away from the man, and Harper makes her move on the fire alarm. The alarm rings out only long enough to drag the security guard’s attention away from the situation with Dean, before Lucifer shuts it off with a twirl of his finger; the music amps up even louder this time, drowning out the hunter’s attempt at evacuation.

At Sam’s side once again, Harper keeps a straight face at the outcome. “Don’t tell me you told me so,” Sam says, glancing at her.

A smug smile turns up the corner of Harper’s mouth. “I don’t have to.”

Lucifer struts out on stage and grabs the microphone, calling out, “Hello, L.A.! What a crowd. Look at those fresh, new faces. Everyone excited?” The crowd cheers at his words as the hunters reconvene together in the middle of the room. “Yeah, you should be. Tonight’s not gonna be a typical show. Tonight you’re gonna see and feel things you never saw or felt before. Things might get a bit... messy.”

“Ah, screw it,” Dean mumbles before pulling out his gun and shooting it into the air. “He’s got a gun!” He yells out through the momentary silence that followed the gunshot. The hunters start filing everyone out of the room, but Lucifer tries to use his powers to shut the double doors, causing Sam, Harper, and Maisie to hold them open. Everyone but the four hunters manage to get out before the doors shut.

“Hey, assbutt,” Cas says, and swings a guitar at Lucifer’s face, causing him to fall against the drums on stage. Cas is about to swing the instrument again, but Lucifer delivers a swift kick, sending Cas backward. Dean doesn’t waste this opportunity to handcuff the deteriorating archangel, before Lucifer throws Dean from the stage. Sam comes to his brother’s aid, followed by the Raven sisters.

“Enjoy the show?” Lucifer asks as he stares down at them. “Guys, you know I could end you all with a snap of my fingers?” Cas is back on his feet with his angel’s blade at the ready as Lucifer continues, “But why would I do that when you can’t do anything…” Lucifer throws his hand up, his power sending Cas to his knees. “...To me?”

“Why are you doing this?” Dean demands, taking a step forward to stay in front of the others.

“You and God made up. You forgave him! What would he think?” Sam argues.

“I’m not especially interested in his opinion. Dear old dad, he finally apologized for abandoning me, and… What’s the very next thing he does?!” Lucifer shouts, anger and hurt written over his features. “He ditches me,” he says, quieter. “And you, too, by the way. And rides off into the sunset with Auntie Amara,” he adds, dramatically gesturing with his hands as he speaks. “He needed my help, and he’d say anything to get it. His words, your words, they mean nothing.” Lucifer pauses. Glances are shared between the hunters as they are all absorbed by the devil’s words.

“Oh my god, will he just shut the fuck up already?” Harper mumbles to Maisie, sharing an exasperated look with her. Sam throws Harper a look, and she clamps her mouth shut, realizing the boys probably want to hear every word.

“Don’t you get it? This is all meaningless. Heaven, hell, this world… if it ever meant anything, that moment has passed. Nothing down here, but a bunch of hopeless, distraction addicts, so filled with emptiness, so desperate to fill up the void; they don’t mind being served another stale rerun of a rerun of a rerun.” As Lucifer speaks, the state of his vessel continues to decompose. “Do you want to know what my plan is? I don’t have one! I’m just going to keep smashing Daddy’s already broken toys and make you watch!” He points to the Winchesters, and the girls glance at one another, trying to understand the situation with their limited knowledge of the Winchesters’ past dealing with the devil.

“Yeah? ‘Cause it kind of looks like you’re falling apart,” Sam quips, finally interrupting Lucifer’s never ending monologue.

“Yeah, you got a little something right there,” Dean says, pointing above his own eyebrow. “I mean, face it, rock is dead.”

“What can I say?” Lucifer’s vessel deteriorates more rapidly now. “Kicking your asses took a lot out of me. But don’t worry. Onward and upward,” he adds, before his essence leaves the decomposing vessel, blinding the hunters with the bright light.

“Well, he's got style?” Maisie lightly attempts to lift the mood as they all recover their sight. “Speaking of style, nice move with the guitar, Cas,” Maisie adds, with a single finger gun in Cas’ direction. Nonetheless, her comments are only met with a tired shake of the head or a pointed, unimpressed stare.

After reuniting with Crowley, the group makes their way back outside toward the Impala and truck. Dean throws the equipment they carried with them, back in Baby’s trunk, before turning back to the group and taking his spot in between Maisie and Harper. “How you feelin’?” he asks Cas, who is standing on the other side of Maisie.

“I’m not dead,” Cas replies, earning a weak smile and thumbs up from Maisie.

Dean looks over to Crowley, thanking him. “Well, I gotta hand it to ya, you said you would draw Lucifer’s fire and you drew some serious fire.”

“Oh, it was a grand success,” Crowley mumbles through his swollen face, sharing a look with Dean before the debriefing continues.

“Well, we didn’t catch Lucifer, but we did save the crowd. So I’m gonna call that a win.”

“I wouldn’t,” Sam counters. “Vince Vincente is dead.”

Harper glances over at him, then to Maisie, wondering where he’s going with this; Maisie shrugs as if she could hear Harper’s internal questions. Dean, on the other hand, looks surprised by his comment.

“We never even hoped to save him. And yes, I know, the third album…” Dean starts to amend, but Sam interrupts.

“No, he was still a person. He meant something to a lot of people. Lucifer just took all that and twisted all that up and snuffed it out. Lucifer was bad enough when he had a plan, a motive. Now he’s just having fun. I mean, how many people died tonight? Them, this, it’s all on us,” Sam argues in a disappointed, sad tone. “We let him out. We’re not winning. We’re just losing slow,” Sam scoffs. “And you heard what he said.”

“Onward and upward,” Crowley reminds everyone. “He’s gone big.”

“And he’ll go bigger,” Cas adds, discouraging the group further.

“And we’ll stop him.” Dean retorts, a note of finality in his voice. “We will. It’s what we do.” He glances around the circle, making brief eye contact with everyone.

Sam turns away, glancing at the police cars and ambulance parked outside the concert venue; Harper watches him, trying to find the right words, as the others form their own conversations. She glances back at the group, checking to see if they’re distracted, before she slips her hand into Sam’s to give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“At least, we made it out okay,” Harper points out, although it comes out awkwardly. Usually, she’s not the one to try to be optimistic about any given situation.

Sam gives her a weak smile, acknowledging her attempt. “Yeah… I’m glad you’re okay.” He squeezes her hand back, finding comfort in her touch.

“Glad you’re okay, too.” Harper smiles, even though her heart isn’t in it as the outcome of the night keeps reeling in her head. She releases his hand and crosses her arms over her chest, turning to face him. “But what's with the clothes? You and Dean making fun of me for my all black aesthetic? Which I rock, by the way.”

Sam grins, glancing down at his black leather jacket and dark-wash jeans. “Yeah, we can't rock it like you can, but we were trying to fit in for the case.”

Harper rolls her eyes, but can't help the smile that his compliment causes.

With Cas and Crowley already long gone, Maisie leaves the last sweep of the motel rooms to Sam and Harper, and heads to the far side of the parking lot where she spotted Dean, beer in hand, taking in the view of the California valley.

“Sure you should leave the kids to themselves? We might never get out of here,” Dean quips; though his stiff shoulders betray his tone. He doesn’t even bother to look as Maisie approaches and leans on the railing next to him.

“Dean, for what it’s worth, I think you’re right. This was a win. I mean, in this life, we’ve got to take them whenever we can. We did our job, we saved all those people, even that one jackass,” Maisie coaxes the tension from Dean’s demeanor, putting a hand on his forearm, and he finally faces her.

“Don’t remind me of that jackass.” Maisie rolls her eyes at Dean’s exaggeratedly sour expression as she pulls her hand away.

“You weren’t actually gonna punch him, were you? We had a plan, but you looked like you wanted to take it a little too far... I don’t need my ‘honor defended,’ you know.” Maisie gives Dean a keen look; he scoffs, but looks away, rubbing at the back of his neck nervously.

“Maybe I was defending my own honor,” Dean counters with a smirk, yet a vulnerable look struggles to stay hidden in his eyes.

“Okay, princess, just say the word, and I’ll go fetch my unicorn to hunt the bastard down,” Maisie teases back conspiratorially.

“I’m gonna have to pass on that nickname, sweetheart,” Dean laughs.

“Geez, you are so picky! What am I supposed to call you then?” Maisie mocks annoyance, while Dean looks thoughtful. Suddenly, a smirk slowly creeps across his face, and he takes half a step closer.

“You could call me yours.” Maisie’s lips part slightly, the mock annoyance disappearing and an elated light dancing in her eyes. Maisie takes her own half step forward, looking down at the small space left between them, before dragging her eyes back up to meet his.

“Only if it’s mutual,” she says softly. Dean’s eyes can’t help but stray to Maisie’s lips, finding himself unable to move his own.

“Enjoying the view?” Maisie breathes. He can feel her breath fan across his face, warm like a match, striking something inside of Dean. The flames drives any doubts from Dean’s thoughts; he threads his fingers through Maisie’s hair and pulls her flush to him. Their lips meld together in a perfect instant. A spark. A strike of lightning. Then, like a candle snuffed out, Dean is suddenly pushing away from Maisie.

“God, no, we can't do this.” Dean turns away, not wanting to look her in the eye.

“I- uh, I'm sorry…?” Confusion laces Maisie’s query.

“I think I just need to get out of the picture.” Dean concedes, as if he didn’t hear her bewilderment, with his words directed at the ground. Maisie’s confusion changes into dejection at his response.

“But, Dean-!” She tries to argue, but Dean cuts her off.

“It's okay, I want you to be happy,” he says lowly, his face softening as his eyes flick to hers for a moment.

“Then stay,” Maisie utters barely above a whisper. Dean’s eyes are suddenly unclear, a light misting taking over, but he quickly looks away once again.  

“No.”

Maisie tries to reach out to him, but with a clench of his jaw and a shake of his head, he walks away. Maisie quickly retracts her outstretched hand to cover her mouth, not wanting any sound to escape along with the few stray tears streaking down her face. Maisie turns toward the view of the valley below, not wanting to watch Dean walk away from her and her breaking heart.

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Fate/Zero 1 - 25 (FINAL)

Most of these notes stayed intact during Fate/Stay Winter posts, but I’m releasing them in an unedited version here (aside from the dotpoints and read more, of course).

Fate/Zero 1

For some reason, I have it recorded that I’ve watched F/Z ep. 1, but I don’t remember it!  I only remember Saber fighting someone…that’s why I have notes for this ep too.

Ewwwwwww…what’s that in the Macedonian box…?

Oh! Heaven’s Feel is the name of one of the movies that came out this year or last.

LOL, the grandparents of Waver literally refer to him as “Waver”. I thought it was a title. Is it really his name???

I’m very good at making connections between seemingly disconnected things using only the things I know. I predict Kariya’s in for a verrrrrrrry bad time and will probably die in this Grail War, if not go bananas. I already know Rin, Ilya (the Einzbern child) and Sakura are already part of the Fate/ canon, so they’re probably going to fight in a Grail War as well.

Ahhhhhhh! B*stard Archer (that is, Gilgamesh)! He’s hereeeeeeeee!

What’s that counter on the ep title card…? Is it the time until the Grail War…?

Fate/Zero 2

I’ve seen enough spoilers being bandied about that I already know Rider is Alexander the Great.

Like, seriously, why do we call the dude “Waver Velvet”? What’s his real name?

Kiritsugu acts as Ilya’s dad, but…I’m pretty sure he isn’t her dad. Kiritsugu’s surname is Emiya, right? He’s Shirou’s dad, as far as I know. Then again, I only know what I know from being around Fate/ fans for so long.

LOL, there are far too many dragons in this name – Ryuunosuke Uryuu.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! Is this Giant B*stard Archer???? Is this Giant B*stard Archer??? (i.e. Gilgamesh) Oooooooooh! No wonder people like Gilgamesh, even though they call him a giant loveable b*stard.

Fate/Zero 3

Thy don’t call Rider that for nothin’, eh?

I wonder how Saber managed to get a passport…? She’d need one, eh?

Oh…CGI car…it’s burning my eyesssssssss! (although I do believe Troyca didn’t do any better with El-Melloi’s Case Files)

“Hotel in Fuyuki” – They couldn’t be any more explicit with this stuff, could they…?

“…Highness.” – I can see why Saber is so popular with the Fate/ fans now.

Huh? I seem to remember the battle that comes next! Damn *bleep* <- (censored name of anime club manager responsible for the anime marathon that caused me to go from the beginning of F/Z in the first place)! I definitely remember Saber fighting Lancer.

Fate/Zero 4

(sorry, seen this one! That’s where the confusion was! So no notes here!)

Fate/Zero 5

Berserker looks like Goblin Slayer covered in smoke…LOL.

…Well, they don’t call that guy Berserker for nothin’ either.

Rider would make a great Santa Claus, LOL.

Fate/Zero 6

Isn’t there a Joan of Arc in the Netflix Fate/ (Apocrypha)?

Dang, that Kayneth is an evil b*stard, alright!

Kirei is basically Wolverine…?

No wonder you never hear about Caster when people talk about Fate/…he’s neither hot nor a waifu…so nobody gives a s*** about him.

Fate/Zero 7

Is that a Gantz?

Wait, y’mean Rider is motivated…by pants? *spits* Hahahaha…

You can see Ufotable’s much-praised CGI at work here, too.

I can definitely see why Ufotable was chosen for Katsugeki and why they chose Izuminokami for their protag.

Had to google Jeanne to remember what she looks like in this universe, but yeah…she does look like Saber.

For some reason, I had a fleeting thought that Lancer would be the one to be on the mountain alongside Saber…I was right.

So basically, the entire Fate/ series is this: who would win? A mage or an assassin? (Or something like this.)

Fate/Zero 8

I still think Kirei is basically Wolverine.

Kiritsugu = “to cut and tie”.Update: It’s “to tie” and “to inherit”, apparently.

F/Z 9

I wonder…just what is Lancer’s motivation for the Grail? Surely, Servants have their own motives…

I literally covered my eyes when Sola-Ui bent Kayneth’s finger back…it was almost as bad as seeing Nozomi get tortured (Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka)…*gulp*

“Not well” is an understatement, Sola-Ui.

I had to google how old Waver was in this Grail War…he’s 19, apparently, so right in my strike zone right here, so to speak~.

Beleaguered Waver is what you cool kids would call the 2020 Mood…and yes, I’m watching this on the 1st of January, 2020 (but you’re reading this after I put it up later in the month), so I’m keeping the comment.

“What kind of moron would go busting in?” – *facepalm* It seems Rider would.

What the heck is Rider riding his chariot over on the floor, anyway? What’s up with these sewer creatures ? They’ve got tentacles…!

F/Z 10

Rin reminds me of Asuka (NGE)…*gulp* That can only mean bad things for her.

Zenjo? I’ll make a note of that name.

That one glowing sign says “Fuyuki Station”.

Rin no Bouken = Rin’s Adventure. I don’t see why the subbers included “Big” in there, tbh.

F/Z 11

Uh-oh. Why do I get the feeling Saber’s going to get very, very drunk…?

Gee whiz, the great b*stard is a narcissist…

Well, sometimes I forget I had “Archer = Gilgamesh” spoilt for me ages ago…probably because he’s all over Babylonia, not to mention he seems to be one of the more popular characters precisely because he is the great b*stard.

“I wish for my homeland’s salvation.” – An interesting thing to say, considering Brexit.

What the f*** is a Gordius…oh, okay. So that’s Rider’s chariot.

How many Assassins are there??? I thought there was just the one, but there were 4 last time.

This discussion is interesting…no wonder Saber got mistaken for Joan of Arc back in the day.

Welp, Assassins gotta assassinate…*shrugs*

Eyyyyyy…there’s this one guy who looks basically like an older Waver Velvet! That explains a few things, I think.

F/Z 12

“Ramasonic” (sic).

I still think Gil-I mean, Archer’s snakeskin pants are hilarious.

I feel like last episode was a lot better in regards to how good Fate/ could be. This episode is just Ufotable animating talking Gilgamesh and Kirei heads.

Why do I get a bad feeling something bad’s going to happen to Maiya…again?

Kirei trying to look bada*s while leaning against a wall…it looks sort of funny, to be honest with you…because he bends his neck at a funny angle.

F/Z 13

This is the end of the 1st cour, apparently…according to AniList, at least.

“…5 billion people.” – I think the number is 7 billion now, but okay.

Never leave your Servant unsupervised, amirite?

I saw one of the bookstore’s shelves has science fiction on it…hmm, in a show with magic, that seems ironic…or was that non-fiction? Also somewhat ironic.

Oh, this “Don’t you want to do anything fun?” from Rider to Waver is an interesting parallel to Kirei’s episode (the previous one).

Dragon guy’s off his rocker…seriously.

Paraphrasing here, but “…if you want to use the Grail to make yourself taller…” – then stick to milk and other calcium products, Waver…LOL. I mean, other anime characters do.

Even Saber Naruto runs! There are no aliens here…but that car does have gull-wing doors (<-had to google what the doors were called), so…is it a DeLorean or something? Then someone could time travel instead.

I thought one of the previous commands from the overseers was to defeat Caster…?

Fate/Zero has become a kaiju movie, LOL.

Scared Waver is also a 2020 Mood…LOL.

F/Z 14

What’s this “Giant of Light” business…?

Geesh…If Ufotable did a Godzilla movie, I would watch that…(now that this monster makes me think of that possibility.)

This is a small quibble, but is it “Diabolo” or “Diablo”?

Somehow it didn’t even hit me until the fight was halfway over…but does Gilgamesh control a flying airship as part of his Noble Phantasm?!

Pretty scenery or not, talking people standing still are just that…not very entertaining, for sure. It’s basically the only flaw of this series, aside from the fact it hasn’t plumbed the depths of its themes yet.

Ufotable’s clouds look kind of like Gainax’s in Houkago no Pleiades, huh?

Tokiomi seems to blame Kariya for the whole sister vs. sister thing. Hmm, it really just shows how demented the guy is.

F/Z 15

Berserker is only ever in CGI, huh? No wonder Ufotable was given the job.

“That’s…from King Arthur’s legend…” – Can I please interrupt with the Excalibur song? (I’m annoying like that and want to ruin your level of immersion, that’s why.)

Hey, who knew? We get to see Joan in this anime, too. Thank you, Ufotable and Type Moon for saving me a Netflix subscription.

F/Z 16

“Things have been rather hectic this evening.” – Well, you don’t say…

*Saber and Lancer start their fight * - I detect signs there may have been people shipping Saber and Lancer at this point in time, what with their mutual ideas of honour and such.

Kayneth is kind childish, LOL – he’s like a kid peeping at his parents while they complain to each other about a hard day’s work or something.

Uh, this curse from Lancer here is definitely gonna be relevant later, right…?

I was muttering, “Oh goodness” (<- I’m self-censoring here, but you get the point) a few times over when Kiritsugu and Maiya finally got around to killing Kayneth, Lancer and Kayneth’s fiancee. By the way, were those two ever married…? Also, this makes me wonder…what would happen if you got a completely useless Servant? Like “King of Fools” or something. It would sound like the Familiar of Zero, sure, but it would be an interesting exercise in making a compelling narrative.

F/Z 17

Dangit, B*stard Archer. Disappearing just after you provoked Kirei…

Oh! I found the Avalon scene confusing at first, but now that they explain it, it makes a lot more sense.

“As I live and breathe, Kirei!” – Sounds mighty ironic for a meant-to-be-dead historical figure to say that.

F/Z 18

We jump to someone else’s story…or do we?

For some reason, I think this beach place is based on Okinawa. (It seems like the best match.)

“This isn’t a game.” – Seems highly ironic, given his current situation.

I know Kiritsugu is probably looking into Shirley’s eyes, but all they show is the boobs downwards, so I imagine it to be fanservice.

That shaking was just to disguise the bad animation, wasn’t it…?

…and suddenly, zombies!

Well, that’s great, Kiritsugu. You ended up burning down a village by association. Good job…

“Vampires.” – Well, that wasn’t the word I was expecting…

For some reason, I think this new arrival is a woman, but now that I get a proper look at their face, they kinda look like the Great B*stard (Gilgamesh). Update: It looks like they have cleavage, but then they also kinda resemble Samatoki (Hyp Mic)…so, uh…I dunno. Update 2: Okay, she’s a woman…Natalia, to be precise.

The houses on fire look a lot like the ones in Katsugeki, come to think of it.

F/Z 19

Wait, what’s a Mystic Code again…?

Oh, I didn’t think this show would do it, but there’s a good few seconds of recap. I know, because I had to skip it.

Oh, the reason Kiritsugu doesn’t seem to ally with the Association or the Church is because Natalia wasn’t part of either. Right…I’m so dumb.

Am I just reading into Kiritsugu’s pose here too much, or does he look like Christ the Redeemer a bit…?

There’s something oddly pretty about Vorzak. Then again…it’s too bad he’s designated to be dead.

I could tell Kiritsugu was CGI for a second…but he was in fog. Dangit, Ufotable. You know how to disguise your CGI well.

…Okay, those bees were very CGI. Scrap what I just said.

Bees on a plane. What a way to die.

I’ve noticed Kiritsugu’s eyes don’t have any pupils in them. They’re always kind of dead, but not in th same way En’s (<- from Boueibu) are.

What happened to Kiritsugu’s mother…?

The extended flashback seems to be the best way to my heart, assuming you can pull it off properly.

What’s with that “sometime, somewhere”?

F/Z 20

There hasn’t been a proper OP since 3 episodes ago.

Was Maiya ever interested in Kiritsugu as a woman? This vague pseudo-harem sorta annoys me, which is why I need answers.

The crows in this show aren’t very fluffy. Not that I have a problem with that…it’s just a bit random (and I’m saying that as I operate without much sleep and will have a huge period of getting up early in my near future, so you’re probably going to see even more randomness coming from my brain).

Modanyaki. Never thought I’d be googling a Japanese concept for this anime.

This sleeping bag Waver reminds me of Aizawa, but this is at least 4 years too early for that.

That cloud in the top left is shaped funny…like a knight, maybe? (There’s a triangular bit that looks lik a helmet.)

I believe the bird is a bush warbler (uguisu), based on the colour.

So this is where you learn what the f*** a Gordius Wheel is…right.(sounds a bit pissed)

Seeing Kariya squirm…it makes me thank my lucky stars I had the sound off. My imagination makes the scene worse, though.

So fakers beget fakers and killers beget killers, huh? Not surprising.

“I’ve always told him he was doing the right thing.” – Because you didn’t know any better, huh, Iri?

F/Z 21

“Knight on Two Wheels” – What would that knight be riding, a bike…? (somewhat sarcastic)

…A motorbike. Close enough. (not sarcastic anymore)

The motorbike’s plate says “Fuyuki - Te” – instead of a licence plate combo, Japan has a single hiragana.

Well, at least now I know why you never hear of Kariya outside Fate/Zero much…those worms don’t give him long to live.

Isn’t Tokiomi dead though…?

Holy s***, Kariya, you just got framed! *yells in the tone of voice as if Kariya got owned…which he did, in a sense*

*brow furrowed* What’s up with the framing of Aoi’s killing that makes this seem like attempted rape…?

Kirei looks all dead inside. (LOL) I know it’s the animators’ fault that they didn’t bother with him in that scene, but…he has the eyes of a dead fish there, y’know? I can’t help but laugh.

F/Z 22

Never in my life have I seen a grandpa want to talk on the roof.

The grandpa reminds me of Rider…that’s probably where part of their relationship comes from.

You can see the lack of sleep is getting to Kiritsugu right now…his face looks a little sunken…

…Fate/ is apparently pretty infamous for treating its women badly from a feminist persepctive and I think I get why now…(referring to the death of Aoi and now Kirei’s treatment of Iri)

I think the scariest part of F/Z is watching th emotionless guy learn how to feel…kinda like Equilibrium, y’know?

Hmm? I wonder how this show will choose to end, since it’s signalling its end from 3 episodes out?

I predicted Rider would say something along the lines of “…befitting of the Rider class” and lo and behold! He did!

So Rider can summon a single horse as well as the entire chariot? *Saitama face* Okay then.

Number of Times Waver Appears: 1, Number of Times Waver Cries: 1, Number of Times Waver Blushes: 2

Come to think of it, even though I had that weird “Ohhhhhh! Great B*stard Archer!” reaction at first, Gilgamesh has shown up in most of the worst scenes of this show so far (basically, most of the “talking heads” scenes where he talks shop with Kirei). Then again, my change in feelings probably because I’ve had to keep a special eye out for Waver and knew Saber was the poster girl for the entire series.

The counter appears to be “time until the Holy Grail War”…well, that or its final conflict.

F/Z 23

I like how Waver’s joining in with Rider’s yelling.

I have the sound off, so now I’m just mentally narrating Sakura with this creepy child voice and it’s spooking me out…the Urobutcher could really go toe-to-toe with Stephen King if it weren’t my imagination…(LOL…?)

I feel sorry for that car’s owner…the car wasn’t meant to be wrecked…

I fully expect Berserker to be Lancelot or some other guy in King Arthur’s canon, judging by Saber’s reactio-hey, who’s Arondight…? Update: Oh, f***. It really is Lancelot. Turns out Arondight is the name of Lancelot’s sword. How did I know? There’s that upcoming Camelot adaption, isn’t there? Connect the dots.

Oh, f*** me – I feel conflicted. On the one hand, Lancelot’s hella handsome (and his dark hair is exactly my kinda thing), on the other hand…doesn’t he look like he came out of Castlevania or Vampire Hunter D or something??? F***in’ vampires!

Oh, f*** again, I stand corrected. Lancelot was handsome, before he became a Caster-looking…thing.

*bursts into spontaneous laughter* The new Lancelot looks kinda like Tsukasa from Dr Stone, LOL.

Number of Times Waver Cries: 2

Wait, isn’t Bucephalus Greek??? Update: No, he wasn’t. He was Alexander the Great’s horse. That explains why he’s Rider.

I was wondering how Waver managed to live long enough to be El-Melloi II when he was stuck in a battle to the death. Welp, that’s how he did it, folks! *points at screen*

Number of Times Waver Cries: 3…but…anti-climax, much, f***in’ Gilgamesh???

Uh, what’s up with Psalm 23:4? (I had to google that snippet of the Bible to find out its citation.)

LOL, Kirei and Kiritsugu have very similar faces. Didn’t realise that until now.

F/Z 24

It’s weird seeing Kirei full of fighting spirit…He’s still frickin’ Wolverine, though.

Is this taking cues from the Matrix? I bought it from the charity store the other day because I haven’t seen it yet, but I know Bullet Time from TV Tropes.

Now Kirei is channeling Bruce Lee, LOL.

Ouch…the bullet to the hand reminds me of the nail gun scene in The Island (which still freaks me out to this day). (…and now I’ve gone and done it – every time I think of that movie, I get the song The Island – part 1, at least - in my head as well.)

I can almost see Sakaido (from ID: Invaded) in some of these scenes instead of Kiritsugu…trust Ei Aoki and associates to do that.

I went to dump a screenshot in Paint and one of my Fate/ backgrounds from one of the previous posts was set to my background! (I have my backgrounds set to rotate every 12 hours and I have over 600 pictures for that purpose.) *sighs happily and incredulously* Well, whaddaya know…sometimes the stars do align.

I almost expected Shirley to appear, but it turns out it was Iri instead.

Kiritsugu still has his Command Seals so he’s still connected to the Grail War somehow…hmm…

C’mon, I predicted Gilgamesh would compliment Saber when she was down and bleeding.

F/Z 25 (FINAL)

Who’s Lord Justeaze?

Sakura has the same eyes as Kiritsugu. Dead, lifeless eyes.

Did Kariya just throw himself to the worms???

The Great Naked B*stard Gilgamesh.

A priest is a zombie, huh? How ironic.

Isn’t Gilgamesh annoyed by his lack of clothes…? Update: Never mind. He gets a cloth soon enough.

Wait, if Saber destroyed the Grail, who won…?

Huh? The timer ran out.

Aw, even Waver’s growing up.

One of the books says 零戦 (reisen) which apparently means “Zero Fighter [Plane]”. One of the sets of books says “William Shakespeare”, who I know is a Servant somewhere in the Fateverse.

The Bible verse is Job 19:25.

Lancelot’s head doesn’t disappear when the rest of him fades away…It’s pretty poignant.

Jubstacheit is the head of the Einzberns. Update: Think I had to google that.

“Becoming a hero has an expiration date.” – As much as I know that in my creative heart to not be true, my adult heart says yes, it’s true.

Welp, that’s the end of one series. Time for another.