#also casting wesley makes so much sense now

[pinazee]

Bless the writers for giving Kirk his inherent romanticism and not the f*ckboy reputation that developed over time

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME. we have finally watched the voyager pilot! short verdict: nothing will ever be as good as ds9 but i enjoyed it!!

longer verdict: i will go through it character by character, in order of appearance, saving the maquis crew for when they have more than .5 seconds of screentime in the little opening. this feels like a REALLY big cast, by the way?? am i counting right? 11 recurring characters and we don't even have seven yet? tos has 7 with chapel and rand appearing sometimes, tng had 8 with o'brien and guinan sometimes, ds9 has seven with...man, jake nog rom garak AND keiko as recurring extras, and we don't even have worf yet. so i guess ds9's is technically bigger! anyway.

JANEWAY: i was surprised at how janeway sounded...her voice is different than i expected even though i've heard her be flemeth in dragon age. i was also kind of surprised to see her in the bun and her head looked So Big. like dax's in season 1-2 of ds9. i'm used to seeing her with it down in gifs which looks better but personally i also think she could have rocked the kira cut. that said, i like her so SO much. she has a couple of speeches that remind me VERY strongly of kirk - when she's lamenting harry left his clarinet behind and not getting to know him, when she decided she couldn't sacrifice an entire people to get one ship home. she's got the kind of compassion kirk did - when she pulled up a stool to listen to the caretaker's troubles, when she held his horrible little corpse, she was genuinely filled with real sadness for what had happened there. (as a side note, speaking of tos, the ship voyager also reminds me of the original enterprise WAY more than the tng enterprise was - especially their little cafeteria.) i was really surprised she had a boyfriend, because i feel like i've heard she gets with chakotay! sorry to her bf, she is gonna cheat on you (and i support women's wrongs), but the worst part is the dog. if they pull some odyssey shit with the dog i'm gonna be so upset. ALSO, i love that she insists on "ma'am" instead of sir (that always bugged me) and even that will only do in a pinch. YOU WILL ADDRESS HER AS CAPTAIN. even when her hair fell down she fixed it on her way down the hallway. she's such a badass. when she says she's gonna get them home I BELIEVE HER. she's got an iron fucking nerve and balls made of titanium.

TOM PARIS: i hate this man so much it's insane. i googled to see whether he died and found out he was played by one of those cadets wesley got in trouble with...girl, he was in prison, why not just make him the same guy?? anyway, he was kind of shitty to both harry and chakotay (oh boy we are already being racist to chakotay) and i cannot believe THIS is the man janeway is gonna have salamander babies with. he's extremely obnoxious all the time (him harassing that betazoid lady...fuck off lol) and i just KNOW people are writing paris/chakotay slash because of their whole deal which makes him more annoying. the "your life is mine now" thing is racist as hell. i'm not prepared to sympathetically see this man's hidden depths bc i know that as a snarky white man he already has half of whatever voyager fandom happens to exist doing that for him already. sadly, we will have to put up with him for all seven seasons. LUCKILY, aside from the racism, half of which came from this guy anyway, he was my only real sour note.

HARRY KIM: love this dude. i like how he managed to talk sense into b'elanna when she was wigging out and despite my wishing he didn't have to be friends with tom paris him going "i can pick my own friends" was a great way to show that he's not afraid to stand up for himself. i wish i wasn't feeling so anti-quark lately bc otherwise his scene in the bar with quark (and why is it always quark doing these surprise cameos!!) would've been pretty funny. i think it was a nice touch that harry, on his first EVER mission, got to be the one to deliver the news about how far from home they were. i absolutely love his whole deal of being completely green and meeting everything head-on anyway, he is so brave. as i said before, the way he is just charging through despite being out of his depth reminds me a little of chekov, if chekov had brain cells. he's very charming. i think he and b'elanna could get it also.

HOLOGRAM DOCTOR: he is so funny, i love him. like, i don't really know how he works? is all of medbay a holodeck? but it's kind of hilarious that he's sentient enough to get annoyed when people are randomly beamed away and when people forget to shut him off (he needs a nap!)

CHAKOTAY: oh i am already feeling how rough this is going to be. that "can't you use some magic to turn into a bird and fly away" and also the "your life is mine now" were rrrracist. (that said, "you're too heavy" was a really good comeback.) can we please be normal. that aside: i really like him. i like how quickly he came to grips with the situation and i like how much he hates tom paris (NOT SEXUAL!!! NO!!!!!! i just agree with him) and i especially like that he has a set of titanium balls to match janeway's like did we SEE that doomsday machine-esque suicide run he almost went on? he cut it even closer than kirk did and kirk cut it that close ON ACCIDENT chakotay was yelling at them not to beam his ass back until his ship was already on fucking fire. also, he's very handsome. ALSO, when tom paris asked him "you'd rather die than let me rescue you?" i had to laugh because quite literally 10 seconds prior out of mine own mouth was "if it was death or tom paris i might let go." i really hope there's more to chakotay than "tom paris's antagonistic buddy" because 1. a fate worse than death 2. this is not humans and vulcans this is real life racism you cannot spock and bones this. STOP THAT.

TUVOK: ALSO VERY HANDSOME. very like. he reminds me of spock so much because he's extremely bitchy but also very dialed down about it. i like that leonard nimoy was like yeah im gonna go stupid crazy and all vulcan will be like this from now on, including my funny little eyebrow thing, in which girlies will still see spock long after i'm dead. like what misha collins tried to do with cas but it actually worked. tuvok strikes that perfect balance of dignified and kind of above everyone else without feeling stuck up or prissy (though his scene where he tries so hard not to look at neelix's junk was great, he was justifiably a little prissy there), and with that undercurrent of wryness that nevertheless doesn't truly betray any emotion - you don't get the same sense of repression/unease with the self from him (at least in the pilot, who knows what will happen later) that you do from spock so it doesn't feel like voyager is copying tos's homework, and it feels nice to get to know another vulcan who's gonna be a main character instead of a one-off. i hope they are more normal about a black vulcan than they have been about chakotay so far bc we have got to get out from under all of that. i am a little worried janeway might kill him. i feel like i see people on reddit criticizing her all the time for killing some dude who i am pretty sure is tuvok and like. can someone tell me if he dies if he dies i will be SO mad

B'ELANNA TORRES: she is stupid hot. i'm a little "lol" when she's like yeah my klingon half is HARD TO CONTROL!!! (super saiyan scream of rage) bc like worf does fine (most of the time...) but i will never turn down a chance to watch a beautiful woman be insane with rage. i like how she calls harry kim "starfleet" derisively and then goes out of her way to give him breaks when he needs them and help him up the stairs when he can't make it. big tsundere energy. also like that she was questioning janeway's decisions. not that i disagree with janeway's decisions necessarily i just like that janeway will have to earn her respect from some people the way any male captain would. equality. also, potentially, girlfights.

NEELIX: i forgot to add him to "the things i know about voyager" post because i had only heard him mentioned a couple of times and got the idea he was just a horrible little gremlin there for comic relief. a rygel, if you will. a quark, if you won't. was pleasantly surprised to like him better than rygel and quark combined, though that's a pretty low bar. not only is he clever enough to outsmart the slavers, he was brave and caring enough to go back and rescue his girl. HE RESPECTS WOMEN. also, his water indulgence was pretty hilarious, as was, again, his scene with tuvok. i feel like those two could do straight man funny guy all day long. a dynamic duo. i hope they wind up having screentime together. i don't mind horrible little gremlins so much when they're charming and when they aren't trying to take holosuite videos of kira.

KES: i feel like kes hasn't done much yet except lecture her people on the dangers of having a cult-like mentality. but i like her! she's sweet and compassionate and pretty brave. she does a lot to humanize neelix, at least! maybe it's just me but i feel like she was barely in this. for now i am trusting that they do more with her later. or, idk, maybe they don't. we DO have janeway AND b'elanna AND seven eventually so i can't be too mad about it as long as they're not turning her into a holodeck sex toy like poor deanna

other things of note:

BANJOS? i counted three different southern accents in this section. it would have been offensive if it wasn't so funny. the people holding hands and jumping around in a circle like animated robin hood characters was a great touch. so was the corn on the cob. the emotional whiplash from an otherwise very serious episode was. certainly something.

the empty barn reminded me of this side of paradise <3 i love, in general, how voyager just FEELS a little bit like tos. certainly more than tng did, even more than ds9 does. like this FEELS like it's set in the same universe, it kind of bridges a mental gap between ds9/tng and tos for me, worldbuilding wise.

water thing reminded me of mad max. really good.

slaver aliens.......are these guys really our antagonists?? i thought our antagonists were the borg but maybe we don't do that until seven gets here. i feel like possibly a bunch of semi-primitive people in the desert who enslaved and beat (potentially raped, depending on how you want to interpret that dialogue) a pretty blonde girl is maybe um. not the best idea. maybe they'll get written down into side villains and eventually just guys. like the ferengi. siiigh, the ferengi.

that said, i kind of loved the story of the caretaker and the ocampa, enough that i almost forgot the caretaker was choosing to appear as a banjo-playing hillbilly. i like to think him and his wife were from andromeda like those guys from tos...and it's very nuanced that even after he fucked their planet forever he still didn't really learn to value life because he's kidnapping people and letting them die or stay stranded in order to attempt to procreate. NONETHELESS he is filled with remorse, and janeway's scene with him, comforting him that children could learn to grow on their own, was really sweet. i also like that when he died his little horrible goop body shrank down until it looked like a hunk of dried snot. do not take that to the ocampa.

i just like the PREMISE of voyager. a 75-year journey that they have to cut down by any means possible...it's like the odyssey, but it space. in tos and tng they wandered from place to place but always over the same stomping grounds in general. we have the same old players, like klingons and romulans and vulcans and andorians etc etc. in ds9 we stay in one single place and it's to our benefit because we get deep character work. but voyager is going in a straight line back to earth, and we've never been out here before, so whether or not it lives up to the potential right now it feels like anything truly could happen. we don't be running into the neutral zone and we can't call the klingons for help or stop by quark's for another cameo. we are just out here. it's VERY neat.

major concerns so far include of course tom paris and potentially him being handcuffed to chakotay as banter buddies. racism in general but also with chakotay in particular. and perhaps a lack of interesting points re: kes. rip girl.

stuff i'm looking forward to is janeway getting to be a person instead of A Woman, seven eventually, getting to know chakotay and tuvok better, and the salamander episode, someday.

okay. this concludes my voyager pilot write-up. TONIGHT: "parallax" and "time and again."

[popentertainment-moviereviews]

RED ONE (2024)

Starring Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans, Lucy Liu, JK Simmons, Kiernan Shipka, Bonnie Hunt, Kristofer Hivju, Nick Kroll, Wesley Kimmel, Mary Elizabeth Ellis, Marc Evan Jackson, Jenna Kanell, Clayton Cooper, Lanz Duffy, Makana David, Samantha Benson, Ashleigh Domangue, Cody Easterbrook, Nikki Garza, Abel Arias and the voice of Reinaldo Faberlle.

Screenplay by Chris Morgan.

Directed by Jake Kasdan.

Distributed by Amazon MGM Studios. 123 minutes. Rated PG-13.

Once upon a time, in the movies, Santa Claus was just a hefty, jolly, bearded guy in a red and white suit who went about doing good deeds and distributing toys and was a good friend to reindeer. Somewhere along the line, though – probably about the time of How the Grinch Stole Christmas in the 1966 TV special – Hollywood decided to make him darker. However, the Grinch wasn’t really Santa, he was a bad guy who was masquerading as the St. Nick.

The real dark quirky times probably started early in the millennium with the Billy Bob Thornton starrer Bad Santa. But, again, this wasn’t the real Santa, it was just an alcoholic con artist running a scam as a mall Santa.

Soon enough the movies started making the questionable choices and ethics about the real Santa, though, and Christmas movies are just turning into genre pastiches. Forget peace, goodwill and joy to the world. Even the commercial aspects of the holiday, like presents, are now just getting cursory glances.

Just last year, Santa was portrayed as a dirty, homeless alcoholic who was more than willing to savagely mow through some naughty criminals in Violent Night. Now, less than a year after slasher Santa, why not make him a ripped and unpredictable action star, and slip him into a film that seems like an unholy merge of Fast and Furious, a particularly obnoxious mythological Marvel movie and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians?

Which brings us to Red One.

Now, actually, Santa is not in a huge chunk of Red One, because the film is about Santa being kidnapped just days before Christmas. This is actually a real shame, because casting JK Simmons as Santa is by far the smartest decision made in this film, even if they play up some of the wrong things about the character. Simmons has an enviable physique for a man of his age, but showing how buff Santa is goes in direct contradiction of holiday lore. Still, Simmons is the best thing in Red One, and when he is not on screen the film suffers for it.

So, if this film is only tangentially about Santa, what is it about? Well, mostly a mish mash of vague holiday ideas pureed through tired action tropes that have been done better – and made much more sense – in many other movies.

In the world of Red One, the North Pole and the toy factory are like a military operation, full of regulations, cutting edge technology, and a strange amount of odd alien creatures. (Walking talking grizzly bears, for example, or elves which look like undercooked versions of Harry Potter’s Dobby. Even the half-brother of Santa is an evil looking goat troll.)

The real stars here, though, are Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans, both slumming for a relatively easy paycheck.

Johnson plays Cal, Santa’s stone-faced head bodyguard, the leader of Enforcement Logistics and Fortification (E.L.F., get it? Okay, it isn’t funny.) He has just decided to retire from his job after hundreds of years, because of course he did. Getting ready for his final trip, he is thrown into saving Santa (code name: Red One) from an evil Icelandic shape-shifting witch (Kiernan Shipka, taking advantage of her witch experience from The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina) who is determined to take over the holiday and punish everyone on the naughty list.

Evans is Jack, a “level four naughty lister,” who we are introduced to in a prologue where when he was a child, he was charging his cousins for what he called proof that Santa wasn’t real. He has grown up to be an alcoholic, gambling, thieving deadbeat dad who also just happens to be the greatest hacker on the dark web.

When one of his hacks shows the kidnappers how to find Santa, Jack is hunted down by M.O.R.A., the Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority (lots of weird agencies in this movie). In fact, they do it surprisingly easily considering he is supposed to be an impossible-to-identify specter on the dark web. Jack is forced to help find the big guy with them, taken on a whirlwind tour of tropical islands with killer snowmen, a medieval castle that seems to have been populated by the random alien characters from the Star Wars cantina band sequence, and several other supposedly life-threatening experiences.

Not surprisingly, Cal and Jack, who are immediately antagonistic, grow a grudging respect for each other. And then, completely out of the blue, the film drops a completely gratuitous speech about love, family and the holiday spirit, because they suddenly remembered this was supposed to be a Christmas movie.

I’m not sure who this film is supposed to be for. It is too violent and has too much foul language for kids but is too ridiculous and disjointed for adults. But perhaps that is the answer. Maybe Red One is for no one.

Put Red One on the naughty list and leave a lump of coal in its stocking.

Jay S. Jacobs

Copyright ©2024 PopEntertainment.com. All rights reserved. Posted: November 14, 2024.

[raybizzle]

"Uptight" (1968) is a drama film based on the novel, "The Informer" by Liam O'Flaherty. There is also a movie called "The Informer," released in 1935 and directed by John Ford, and "Uptight" is an updated version of that movie. "Uptight" is an outstanding film with an incredible cast. Cleveland, Ohio, is the setting for the movie, which takes place right after the assassination of Martin Luther King. This film also gives an authentic look into Cleveland throughout the movie, showing you a great sense of the environment. The film star, Julian Mayfield, was only debuting in his 2nd film and first lead role. Still, he was with an incredible supporting cast of actors, including Max Julien, Raymond St. Jacques, Ruby Dee, Frank Silvera, and Roscoe Lee Browne.

The timing of this movie was before the burst of Black films in the 70s, known as the Blaxploitation era. "Uptight" takes a concrete revolutionary stance unheard of in black cinema then. So, there is no denying its influence on black films in the 70s, when several actors saw successful careers during that decade. Booker T. and the M.G.s produced the soundtrack for the movie. This soundtrack is potentially the first of its kind for black films. Using funk and soul bands to make a soundtrack was a significant player in black cinema in the 70s. It's arguable that "Uptight" was a trendsetting movie on multiple levels.

The social commentary within the film is powerful. The film touches on black issues of economics, education, revolution, the justice system, sexuality, the welfare process, unemployment, politics, and much more. Each character in the film represents an aspect of those issues and is responsible for bringing these issues to life.

"Uptight" is a fantastic movie. I highly recommend it for viewing. The high-definition version of the film is very detailed, and the cinematography is brilliant, especially in the surroundings of 1968 Cleveland, Ohio. Also, make sure to do some additional research on Julian Mayfield. His compelling life story helped him write a portion of this movie.

Director: Jules Dassin Writers: Jules Dassin (screenplay), Ruby Dee (screenplay), Julian Mayfield (screenplay)

Starring Julian Mayfield, Max Julien, Raymond St. Jacques, Ruby Dee, Frank Silvera, Roscoe Lee Browne, Janet MacLachlan, Juanita Moore, Dick Anthony Williams, Michael Baseleon, John Wesley, Ji-Tu Cumbuka, Ketty Lester, Robert DoQui, James McEachin, Joel Fluellen, Bill Walker

Storyline Tank (Julian Mayfield) is down on his luck after being fired from his steel job. After hearing about Martin Luther King's assassination, Tank reverts to drinking after swearing it off to his fellow revolutionary members. In need of his help to steal weapons, Johnny Wells (Max Julian) cannot convince Tank to join them, leading to Johnny committing the crime that leads to the death of a security guard. Now, the Cleveland police department is seeking a $ 1,000 reward for the whereabouts of Johnny Wells. In sorrow and distress, Tank betrays his revolutionary crew and rats out Wells to the police for the money. Now, Tank must live his decision and face the people who trusted him.

This movie is available on Blu-ray and streaming services

[theflyindutchwoman]

I'm not sure if Tim and Lopez are "besties". I believe they are good friends and co-workes, but not the super best friends like the fandom thinks they are.

A recent exemple is in ep. 5x07 when Lopez and Grey got served on roll call about the Elijah Stone case. At no point we see Tim support Lopez through that. The one who supported her was Harper and that's the friendship I see being set up.

And Lopez teasing Tim about Lucy in episodes 5x01 and 5x02 seemed just that, teasing for a comedic bit. We never saw Lopez actually helping Tim navigate his situation with Lucy post Vegas.

Of course it all can change in the next episodes, but so far Tim and Lopez don't seem super close, and seem to interact only when convenient for the story.

Hi Anon,

Well, technically, since they are all characters, they will interact only when the writer thinks it's convenient ;)

Seriously though, since it has never been made canon, that is up to your interpretation. I personally just love their friendship and see them as best friends, who will tease and call lovingly the other dumb but will fight for each other. But that's just that, an opinion. Or a headcanon.

You underlined the problem with TV shows that have a huge ensemble cast. You have so many characters to fit in 42 minutes/episode. And at least 1/3 is going to be focused on the main character, Nolan. That means that as a writer, you have to streamline and pair up the characters in a way that makes sense for your story. Right now, the writers need Angela with either Wesley (her husband) or Nyla (partner at work). Hence them having more scenes together.

Now that's just season 05. The idea of Tim and Angela being besties far predates that. We did have important moments that highlighted their friendship throughout the serie. Admittedly, not as much recently. But that doesn't diminish the previous moments. Angela was there during the whole Isabel ordeal, to pick him up at the hospital after his gunshot injury, to be with him when Isabel was a CI… He was the one who always defended her when her career was in jeopardy after Jackson froze during a shooting or after he barely passed his 6 months exam. She was the first person he consulted on whether he should try to take the sergeant's exam. Or the first person he called for help when Lucy was missing. He's also the only one who picked on the fact Wesley was not fully OK when he showed up to help. He was there for her when everybody was trying to hijack her wedding and nobody was listening to her. He made sure she got the wedding she wanted and so she made him her man of honor. He didn't hesitate to go to Guatemala to rescue her (along with Nyla). Now all these elements were made possible because they were still working directly together (both being TOs). Once he got promoted to sergeant and she came back from maternity leave, their storylines diverged and that made any potential scenes harder to include. But she was still the one he confided after kissing Lucy. And she made sure to tease him for it. As best friends tend to do.

The reason we haven't seen Tim in the Elijah Stone case is because he was never involved in it to begin with : when Angela was made aware of the threat he posed to her family, Tim was on his day-off dealing with his own family drama. Since the 5x07 plot is a direct result of that, there was no reason to add him. On the other hand, Harper was part of the surveillance team and she had made a promise to Angela to make sure nothing happened to Wesley. So that made more sense to have her present and have Tim focused on the other plot. Now, yes, the show could have included a scene at the beginning / end with Tim comforting Angela (and not gonna lie, I wish they had)… But we're back at the original issue : too many stories for too little time.

Do I wish we'd see more of them? Yes! 100%. And hopefully we will. I also agree that they have started developing the Angela x Nyla friendship since mid-season 04. They are both working together, their husbands worked together for a while, they're both mothers… They just have more in common, but that doesn't necessarily make them besties either. Unless you see it that way.

I can't speak for the whole fandom. Like I said, I love Tim and Angela's friendship. And I'm sure a lot of people just started developing their own headcanons to fill the (many) gaps. However you can absolutely see them as just friends or co-workers. At the end of the day, those are just interpretations, there's no right or wrong answer.

I hope that helps.

[thegreaterlink]

Reviewing Star Trek TNG - S3E1 "Evolution"

^ I admit this image doesn't have much to do with the episode's plot, but it looks really damn cool, so it's staying.

Look, I know I did this one already, but I accidentally deleted it a while ago, then Tumblr pulled some fuckery where it was in some weird limbo of existing and not existing, so I decided to repost it just to be safe.

THE PREMISE

The Enterprise approaches the Kavis Alpha binary star system to perform astrophysics research under the guidance of Dr Paul Stubbs, analysing the decay of neutronium as a result of a stellar explosion which occurs once every 196 years and is due to occur again in a few hours. Stubbs plans to launch a probe, dubbed "the Egg," to gather the data.

As the explosion nears, the ship starts to malfunction, and the issue is traced back to the computer core. Wesley Crusher realises that he may have accidentally released two nanites from his school experiments loose on the ship.

WHAT'S TO SEE IN SEASON 3?

The changes are nowhere near as numerous as season 2, but they're still enough to show that the series is continuing to evolve.

Doctor Beverly Crusher, once again played by Gates McFadden, has returned as the ship's Chief Medical Officer after a year at Starfleet Medical. Not so coincidentally, this is immediately after the departure of Maurice Hurley, who had fired her in the first place.

Also, since we now once again have two Crushers on the ship, I'm probably going to be calling her Beverly in episodes where she and Wesley both appear.

I want to make it absolutely clear that I have no animosity towards Diana Muldaur, who unfortunately left the series on less-than-amicable terms (though I can't say for certain if she was fired) and did not seem to enjoy her time playing Dr Pulaski. I think she's a talented actress with a character who has really grown on me despite a somewhat shaky debut. I'm glad she has fans who appreciate her character all these years later, and I wish her all the best.

The crew's uniforms have been redesigned from one-piece spandex to two-piece wool after complaints of fatigue and back pain from the main cast. The uniforms are now slightly baggier, but at least Data and Wesley don't have to slump all the way down in their chairs anymore.

The opening credits have been given a complete visual overhaul and now look much better in my opinion. I was going to include a clip, but the last time I did that Tumblr threw a hissy fit and kinda deleted the whole review, so we’re not doing that.

In fact, the entire series seems to have taken a step-up in lighting and cinematography.

Let's take a look at the actual episode now, shall we?

MY REVIEW

It was only a matter of time before this science fiction series explored the concept of nanotechnology. The nanites were programmed to find ways to work together and evolve, and a scan reveals that they have infiltrated the computer core and found a way to replicate themselves.

In other words... Wesley Crusher is to blame for most of the problems in this episode. His haters must have had a field day with this one. Also, by "problems" I mean complications in the plot, not the episode's actual flaws. This episode is much better than "Shades of Gray," even though that's a very low bar to clear.

But while the idea of nanotechnology is certainly interesting, it feels somewhat underdeveloped here. The ship-wide system malfunctions are essentially a re-tread of the virus from "Contagion," only with an origin that makes more sense. It's like they were just looking for another way to have the ship stop working.

Speaking of which, Picard tells Stubbs that the experiment will only go ahead as long as it is safe to do so, and that the safety of the Enterprise and its crew come first.

Now, Dr Paul Stubbs (played by Ken Jenkins, who played another doctor, Bob Kelso, on Scrubs) is a pretty standard visionary scientist type to start off with, but he's likable enough I suppose. But when Picard gives him this update... let's just say he doesn't take it well. He wants the nanites destroyed, but Picard is against destroying what may be sentient life.

But the scene that pushes him over the edge is when Stubbs goes down to the computer core, where they're attempting to slow down the nanites' productivity with low-energy gamma bursts. Knowing that a high-energy burst will kill the nanites, he fires directly upon the core, killing a bunch of the nanites and prompting them to release nitrogen oxide gas to protect themselves. It's here that Stubbs crosses the line from determined scientist to self-righteous prick, smugly telling Picard that now his only option is to destroy the nanites to save the crew. Picard tells him as formally as possible where to shove it and that he'll have his head if any of the crew are harmed.

I suppose I should also mention that Picard and Stubbs' differing views on the nanites' sentience is similar to the central argument of "The Measure of a Man," but it's less of a central theme here and more so a way to ramp up the conflict between them. Picard has Stubbs confined to his quarters, and Troi visits him to offer her help, but it just devolves into a discussion about how much of a self-centred twat he is. Fortunately he gets his comeuppance when the nanites screw with the electronics in his quarters and electrocute him.

Just as it looks like they'll have to resort to exterminating the nanites, Data succeeds in establishing contact with them. He allows them to inhabit his body for proper communication. While he acknowledges the risk of it, it would also be a sign of trust. Picard agrees. The nanites start to speak through Data. Long story short: they were looking for materials to continue the replication process and meant no harm, and interpreted Stubbs' actions as an attack, which only happened because the crew mistook their actions for attack, so the whole thing was just a big misunderstanding.

Stubbs apologises, they repair the damage to the core, Picard agrees to relocate the nanites to a safer space, and the experiment goes ahead as planned.

But even though this review is already long as hell, I'm still not done. I wouldn’t blame you if you just want to skip to the end at this point.

Basically, the episode loosely revolves around Wesley Crusher (when I'm done reviewing this series, I'm going to tally up the amount of episodes focused on each character, because I feel like Wesley is cropping up way more than he has any right to) and his mother's return to the ship.

Beverly is concerned about how Wesley has been progressing in her absence and whether a Federation Starship is a good environment for a teenage boy, while Wesley somewhat resents his mother for being absent - it's not her fault, dude. She was fired. Anyway, it's also shown that Wesley is working himself to the bone, subtly foreshadowed at the beginning of the episode, which implies that Wesley had fallen asleep at his desk and overslept.

Of course they manage to work out their problems with some help from Guinan, and the episode ends with Beverly happily watching her son from afar as he socialises with some other teenagers, with a girl seemingly taking a special interest in him. Let's hope that goes better than his last romance...

7/10 - A decent enough start to the new season.

Previous Episode | TNG Masterpost | Next Episode

[dumbfuck-mojave]

Warm: To Do and To Feel

Characters from the Buffyverse (Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel: The Series) 

 Main Pair: Angel and Spike (Spangel) 

Also Featured: Wesley, Gunn, Fred, very disgruntled mall worker, tired™ apartment receptionist.

Warnings: It’s just that good ol’ fluff. Spike is himself but it’s really nothing serious. Way too much italicizing and use of “onto”. Switches POVS but it’s made clear when it does. Retconning but it's expected in fanfic let's be real.

A/N: A gift for my beloved friend @highonbandcandy as part of the @buffyversegiftexchange . When I found out it was you, I freaked out. Then freaked out a little more knowing I couldn’t tell you for a whole month. Anyways, this was such a fun event and I’m so glad it got organized. Gif made by me, also posted on my own gif blog (@sidgifs) because I made a few extra goodies for this :). 

Word Count: 1,834 

-Spike POV-

Thank God for 24 hour shopping malls. Or, in actuality, thank God for the store employee that was letting Spike roam around the store 9 minutes before closing. She was getting more and more agitated as Spike hummed to some 80’s song playing on the retail radio, completely ignoring the time and stretching his head up to see the novelty items lining the top shelves. Wasn’t his fault the mall opened during the day.

“What?”

“Hey, can you just make a choice already so I can close up and go home.” She hissed near the end of the sentence, but Spike didn’t even look her way when answering. 

“What? Don’t have the night shift?” 

“We’re in a 24 hour mall, love. Perhaps you didn’t realize that.”

The girl looked at him with a confused “Are you stupid?” expression, “ This isn’t a 24 hour mall.” 

Spike turned around then, “What.”

“Uh, yeah. This store closes in 5 minutes and the whole thing closes about a half an hour from now.” 

Spike smiled, “Yes, I did. Thank you for the enormous amount of help you didn’t give me.” 

Spike paused for a moment, then jumped to swipe something off the top shelf. He picked up the various bags on the ground surrounding him. Walking up to the counter, he placed a wooden craft owl down. 

The worker sighed, “Did you find everything alright.. after you spent 40 minutes in here-”

“Didn’t know who you were shopping for. I was being ignored for Run-D.M.C featuring Aerosmith on the radio.”

“Is that book store down a way open any later than you are? Need to pick up somethin’ I saw earlier.”

“You going to annoy more retail workers?” The woman handed him a neatly wrapped box, which Spike put into one of his bigger bags, “They’re open until the mall closes and knowing how long you took here, you better get a move on, less you become distracted by a shiny bookmark or something.” 

“You’ve got spunk, I like you.” Spike paid and made his way towards the door, “Also, it’s lest. Lest you forget that.”

-Angel POV-

Truth of it was, Angel was deeply upset with the way things were in the present. He wanted Spike, desperately. In the romantic sense. He tried to articulate it into words but every time he fell flat. The sentences were too short. He got flustered too easily. Blah. 

Since Spike had become corporeal again, he and Angel had been sharing an apartment. Angel can’t quite recall how it was agreed upon, or any of the details after for that matter, but it was nice to have Spike around. Despite it all, it was nice to have someone who’s seen all of you there. All of you. Angel cast that thought out of his mind rather quickly. They both got along just fine, despite the tension.

Which is why, of course, Angel was in the kitchen struggling to finish up a romantic meal for Spike’s homecoming. 

The gang had come over a bit earlier, just after Spike had left, trying their best to help their inarticulate friend not make a fool of himself. He wanted it to be perfect. A perfect dinner and a perfect confession. He’s had Spike in the past, but this time he wanted it to be different. Needed it to be different. Which was what he was trying to explain to Wesley as Fred and Gunn started cooking those fucking onion things Spike loved so badly. 

“I know we don’t technically need to eat but I just think-”

“Angel, that’s the third time you’ve said that. I know you’re nervous, but trust me. We’ve all noticed what’s going on between the two of you. Quite frankly, it’s surprising nothing has happened before this. Even for you and Spike.”

“The will they/won’t they is getting embarrassing at this point.” Gunn piped in, just as Fred screeched, “She dropped it into the fryer too fast.” 

“Sorry.” Fred shot an embarrassed smile towards Gunn, who smiled back at her. She stepped back and took a seat at the table, “I think it’s going to go great! Oh, maybe you could write some poetry for him! Wait, maybe he won’t like that, are we not supposed to talk about it? I know you told me about it, but that was before he actually came back and I don’t know if it would be appropriate if I suggested that. Unless you just took the credit, which I assumed you would do anyway. Not like that! Not in that bad way…..I’m rambling, I’ll stop now.” 

Wesley was looking at Fred with a small smile on his face, then turned back to Angel. 

“It’s going to be alright.”

-Spike POV-

It was almost pitch black out by the time Spike returned home. On his way back from the mall, he may have gotten a bit distracted by a few more stores. Just a few. Okay, he bought a full backseat worth of gifts between them and the mall. Wasn’t his fault he wanted the best for his man. 

“And I keep ignoring you! Now come on, help me with this.” 

“Axel, my main man, can I get some help with a trolley!” Spike poked his head into the front door of his apartment building. The receptionist looked up, noticing the pile of presents near pouring out of Spike’s car. 

“I keep telling you not to park your car in front of the door.”

One long trolley packing period later, and the removal of Spike’s car from almost being in the front lobby, he stood tapping his foot impatiently while bright red letters changed before him. 

Thoughts whirled through his head. What if he says no? What if he laughs at me? What if, what if, what if. It was almost too much to bear. But he couldn’t back down now. After years of aching to have Angel back, he finally did and this was the time. The perfect moment. Maybe after he gets showered with his thoughtfully picked out gifts, Spike could take him out for a blooming onion. Yeah, this was about to be the best night ever.

At last, the elevator dinged and opened onto his floor. The sound of the wheels on the trolley rolling was dampened by the thin layer of carpet laid in the hallway, only to fade out completely as it rolled to a soft stop behind him. Standing right in front of his door, he took a deep, unnecessary breath before gripping the door handle. Now or never. Would be really embarrassing if the door was locked right now, he didn’t bring his keys. He began to turn the knob.

-Angel POV-

As he heard the door start to open, Angel fumbled with the lighter in his hand. Quickly slapping it down onto the kitchen counter, Angel turned right as Spike entered their shared apartment. 

“Surprise!” Angel exclaimed, shaking his hands over the table for dramatic effect. A full meal was laid out on the kitchen table, with candles replacing the normal lighting. Soft music played from somewhere hidden, and Spike stood frozen in the living room. Well, this was unexpected. 

“Do you like it?” Angel’s voice wavered, eyes looking to the side awkwardly. 

There were a few more moments of poignant silence until Spike started laughing out. Laughing hard, so hard that he started skipping breaths and had to focus on slowing it down. Angel was staring in shock as Spike straightened up and met Angel’s eyes, a bright gleam in his own. Then, he moved towards the kitchen, only stopping when he was mere inches away from Angel, who had just knocked a fork to the floor with his shocked stumbling. It clanged on the tile as Spike smiled up at him. 

“You, you-” Spike gave up on words, instead opting to smash his lips onto Angel’s own, one hand coming up to hold his neck while the other wrapped around his middle. Angel snapped out of his trance then, his own hands slowly wrapping around Spike as well.

 In that spot they stood for what felt like eternity, illuminated by the low light of the candles scattered around the room. They could’ve stayed like that for much longer, theoretically, but Spike pulled away suddenly, Angel trailing after him. Spike moved his hand slightly up and grabbed the back of Angel’s head, pressing their foreheads together. 

“I had a whole speech planned.” Angel whispered. 

Spike chortled breathlessly, looking a little surprised himself, “Me too.”

He gestured to the door, “Was gonna present you with those, give a whole lovey-dovey speech about how much you matter to me, whatever, see how it went.”

Confused about what Spike was pointing at, Angel looked at Spike and noticed his brow starting to crease. He put his hands to Spike’s cheeks, rubbing his thumbs on his prominent cheekbones, “Hey, look at me. This is fine. This is perfect. God, I can’t believe this actually happened.”

Spike looked into his eyes once more, and how beautiful they were. Like two blue gemstones, Angel wanted to look into them forever. Until Spike sniffed and those eyes snapped past him. 

“You made blooming onions?!’ Spike smacked himself on the chest, “A man after my own undead heart.” 

“Anything for you.” Angel said sweetly as his hands loosened from around Spike’s chest. Spike moved to sit down at the table and gestured for Angel to do the same. Everything seemed settled until Spike shot up, running to the still open door and rolling in the large trolley of gifts. 

“Oh, no. No!” Angel shook his head as Spike grinned and mimicked his earlier hand action. He reached into the top bag and pulled out something, holding it behind his back. 

“Jus’.... I want you to see this one at least.”

Angel sighed and held out his hands, waiting for his gift. Spike nodded towards his eyes, and he closed them. He felt something get pushed near his hands, gripping the weight accordingly. 

“It’s special editions of Sherlock Holmes. Gold pages, leather cover. I know you like them.” Spike shrugged. “I love them, I love you. Thank you.” 

“Okay, open.” 

As candlelight entered his vision once more, he looked down at his hands. Three books, neatly bound together. He moved to the table, setting them down and pulled the binding away. 

Spike leaned in for a quick peck and pulled away smirking. He looked at the table.

 “Well, let’s tuck in then. Then, we can have some more ~fun~ after.” Spike wiggled his eyes as Angel rolled his eyes and sat down, a small smirk on his face. 

Later that night, when all the presents had been opened, the money spent chastised, and at least parts of original confessions whispered quietly, Angel laid in bed with Spike in his arms. Warm. Somehow, two dead bodies made each other warm. Maybe it was the souls. Regardless, Angel never wanted this feeling to go away. It never would. 

[unravelingthread]

Who out of the entire TNG cast do you think YOU personally think is the BEST character and who is the WORST character in your opinion >:) difficult question.

Also also skenen worst and best vary in definitions, I'm basically just asking for your favorite and least favorite character

One more question though.

If you could give yourself ONE. SINGLE. superpower. What superpower would you give yourself and would you use your power for good and be an actual hero??? Or would you just use the power for like basic human fun stuff. Does this make sense. I hope it doesn't ANYWAYS I LOVE YOU

oooo this is a difficult question! obviously data is the best character facing absolutely no competition but worst is Hard to decide! if we’re going for main cast i have to say picard because when i first watched the show i took his hatred of children REALLY personally and i still think he was too mean to wesley :(

i’ve also thought about the superpower one Way too Much in my life and have decided that i want to be able to make illusions!! i would use this for minor evil like making people see one less stair than there actually is because that would be really funny. also for illustrating things during conversations because there have been so many times i’ve wanted to be able to just supernaturally create like a picture of wtf i’m talking about. this would not be some world ending power but i’m attached to it now

(((LOVE YOU TOO)))

[agentnico]

Coming 2 America (2021) Review

ZAMUNDA FOREVER!!

Plot: The African monarch Akeem learns he has a long-lost son in the United States and must return to America to meet this unexpected heir and build a relationship with his son.

In line with Hollywood’s agenda to cash in on older properties by releasing sequels and remakes years after the original, Coming to America is next to receive such a treatment. Do we need a sequel to Coming to America? No, of course we do not. The original was a pleasant romantic comedy about the good guy who gets the girl, delivered through a fish-out-of-water narrative, and though it may have not aged too well due to some sexist and racist quirks, it is otherwise a perfectly enjoyable little film. However that movie ends in the way where all characters get their deserved conclusions and the story is, well, ended. So a sequel really wasn’t necessary yet here we are, courtesy of the underpaid Amazon warehouse workers. The result? 

In a way it’s like a high school reunion. It’s good to see everyone again and have a little catch up with each person, but afterwards you’re likely to forget the entire event quite swiftly and move on. That is how this movie is. If you’re a fan of the original, you are sure to enjoy the call-backs and rehashed gags that played so well in the first one, as well as the abundance of cameos and returning characters, but as a whole this movie doesn’t bring anything new to the table nor is the story that interesting. In fact, the plot is as generic as one gets, where Eddie Murphy’s Akeem discovers he has a son, so he goes to find him and then they bond. Along the way everyone learns a bunch of life lessons. Its predictable in every sense of the word, however as a casual watch it’s fairly entertaining. Though one thing I have to mention is the misleading title. One assumes folks will be coming to America again, and they do, but only for 5 minutes! That’s right, there’s much coming to America in Coming 2 America! I need to get Cinema Sins on this!

One thing that did stand out to me as I was watching the movie was how much it reminded me of Black Panther. The entire visual palette felt like it came straight out of that film, and honestly all that was missing was Kendrick Lamar’s booming tunes! I wondered why this was the case, so I got out my magnifying glass and investigated. The investigation lasted less than 10 seconds as a simple Google search provided me with the answer - Ruth E. Carter. What, you have no clue who Ruth E. Carter is? Shame on you! How can you not know who Ruth E. Carter is? Everyone knows her! She’s like so popular like oh my gosh..... Okay, in reality I had no clue who she was either, but she’s the lucky lady who won an Oscar for creating the fashions of Wakanda. That’s right, she was the costume designer on Black Panther. And as it happens she’s on same duty in Coming 2 America and it shows. Under her masterful guidance everyone in this film look spectacular. The results are hypnotic; you can’t take your eyes off the screen lest you miss some majestic pattern or a finely crafted angle of fabric rising in the air with true fierceness. There’s so much colour and unique designs that it would impress even Miranda Priestly! Apologies, I recently rewatched The Devil Wears Prada so now I’m all in on that Streep action and her “Truth is, there's no one who can do what I do”. Ah, so good!! Anyway, back to the subject at hand, the costumes in this film look amazing and alone are worth the price of admission. It’s like walking through a fashion museum. I felt so vogue watching this movie, and boy you know I mean business as I don’t drop my ‘vogues’ lightly!

The cast all seem to be having great fun here, however all the returning cast members seem to be acting way over the top. Of course in the original everyone overacted too, however in the sequel everyone seems to making a caricature of a caricature, if you know what I mean. Any eccentric characteristics that characters had in the original are dialled up even more and it does distract a little. Nevertheless as a whole it’s nice to see everyone return, with Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall once again playing multiple roles, with the return of the barbershop boys being the most pleasant if not fleeting comeback. Also, James Earl Jones appears in this movie for a prolonged cameo for absolutely no reason besides getting a paycheck. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always great to hear Mufasa’s strong powerful voice, but his appearance in this movie turns out to be completely unnecessary. On the other hand Wesley Snipes as an evil general half steals the entire show, being fully aware how ridiculous his character is, so he plays it broader than the side of a barn. He relishes in chewing up every piece of scenery he’s in and to be honest its a lot of fun watching him do so. Also a shout-out to KiKi Layne who very much reminded me of a younger Michonne of The Walking Dead and it was nice to see her challenge the aged gender politics of the original.

Coming 2 America lacks any reason to exist, and not all jokes hit, however it’s nice to see these characters again and fashionistas may rejoice, as since lockdown has stopped fashion shows from going full speed ahead, Coming 2 America is here to give you the show!

Overall score: 5/10

[jajanvm-imbi]

Things that I’m looking forward/I want to see in The Two Princes podcast season 3

rumir content, obviously 

specifically domestic rumir, like maybe after the wedding scene we get like a fast forward to like 5-10 years into the future and we see them happy ruling their kingdom and being cute, maybe a family and kids running around the castle. Them being great dads to their kids. (maybe even an anniversary or something) Just plEASE give me domestic and happy Rumir!!!!!

speaking of rumir, are we just getting a wedding scene or are we getting some reception content too? Cause since this is a musical I can 100% see them have a like happily-ever-after party song and it would be the greatest thing ever. 

Also now that we’re on the topic of the fact that this is a musical I am 10000% absolutely expecting Rumir to sing their wedding vows. Can you imagine an incredibly soft duet between the boys just singing about how much they love each other and that even after all they’ve been through they are so excited to spend the rest of their lives together and no matter what the world throws at them next they’re always gonna stick by each other’s side and love each other and be there for each other? Cause I can and I’m sobbing just thinking about it. (think of like “Come What May” from Moulin Rouge or “One Hand, One Heart” from West Side Story) 

moving on

Joan and Cecily!!!!!! I can’t wait to see where they’re at in their relationship! Did Cecily win over Joan? Are they dating? Are they in the Rumir wedding????????? (like I can totally see Cecily being the flower girl or something) THESE ARE THINGS I N E E D TO KNOW!!!!!!! 

Percy Jr. How’s my obnoxious lil rat boy doing? How is he getting along with the Princes? (I feel like Rumir would’ve adopted him at this point. Like I can totally see them being dads to him and I love it) is he h A P P Y???? I NEED TO KNOW

SAM AND DIANE. DID SAM MAKE HIS MOVE???? ARE THEY TOGETHER????? ARE WE GOING TO ACTUALLY SEE THEM INTERACT WITH OUR MAIN CAST????? H O W A R E T H E Y?????

We better see Barabbas, Cedric and Crazy Tooth this season. They’re iconic please let them be in this season. 

The Wine Mom Queens. I wanna know how they’re doing. What was their role in planning the wedding? (besides Lavinia complaining about Rupert’s outfit) What’s their role in the wedding? Like pLEASE tell me they get to walk their boys down the aisle, cause that would absolutely adorable and wholesome. How do the boys interact with they’re soon to be mother-in-laws? Like we know Atossa likes Rupert, but how does Lavinia interact with Amir? Does she spoil him like she does with Rupert, or is she protective of Rupert and annoys Amir? (in like a loving-way of course. I can’t imagine Lavinia being a toxic mother-in-law) 

Going back to how this season is a musical I am 10000000% expecting a kick-ass cool villain song. According to this article about season 3, Wesley Taylor is in this season (if you don’t know who that is its the guy who played Lucas in the The Addams Family musical and Plankton in Spongebob Squarepants: The Musical) and according to the synopsis of this season there’s gonna be a “handsome new prince who’s rolled into town and only has eyes for Rupert“, (I’m assuming Wesley Taylor is playing him cause that just makes sense) and that obviously means trouble so I better get an amazing “Poor Unfortunate Souls-Hellfire-Mother Knows Best (reprise)” villain song. 

Also speaking of  a “handsome new prince who’s rolled into town and only has eyes for Rupert”, I’M SO EXCITED TO GET JEALOUS AMIR THAT’S GONNA BE GREAT!!!! After seeing jealous Rupert in season 2, its gonna be great to see things from Amir’s point of view for change. 

I need Amir and Rupert to have solos. Thats it. Give them solos, please. Like I love them singing together, but I want them to shine on their own, too. 

I can’t really think of anything else I’m just so overwhelmingly excited for this season I CAN’T WAIT!!!!!!!!

[calliecat93]

ST: The Next Generation S3 Watchthrough Episodes 22-25

The Most Toys: Dear TNG writers, I know that the show has been over for about 30 years now and this is therefore redundant to say, but… can you please quit doing bad things to Data?! He doesn’t deserve bad things! So Data gets kidnapped by a manchild/lunatic to add to his ‘collection’. Kinda reminds me of that two-parter in Superman: TAS that introduced Lobo… except Fajo somehow pisses me off even more than the bad guy there. Kinda makes me think of the bad guy from The Squire of Gothos in TOS except somehow more detestable. At least that guy was more or less a spoiled child, Fajo has no excuse. Anyways, Fajo’s obsession with Data comes of as… insanely creepy. It gives me very bad vibes and I was thoroughly uncomfortable. Though at least Data, in his Data way, wasn’t at all complacent and remained as inquisitive as ever, so at least he maintained some sense of agency unlike in say The Schizoid Man. That all said, the episode was good. The crew’s reactions to thinking that Data was dead all made sense and scenes like Geordi and Wesley going through his things and Picard giving an order to Data before remembering that he’s not there anymore… those were heavy. And again as painful as it was to watch, Data at least trying to retain any agency was appreciated especially at the end. I’m glad that he didn’t have to kill, but seeing him finally put Fajo in his place was especially after he killed Varria as callously as he did was extremely gratifying. Another solid episode overall… but again, please let Data have happier things up ahead. 3.5/5.

Sarek: You can only imagine how wide my eyes got when I was going down the episode list and saw this one. I know that Sarek has mixed reception due to the issues between him and Spock and IDK if Discovery is going to change my opinion or not, but I find him to be a very interesting character. Journey to Babel kind of had this sense that he’s a hardass not that different from his son tbh, and those similarities and being displeased with Spock’s life choices made things difficult. but Sarek did still care about him, IDT he’d have gone through the effort of going to Kirk in hopes of recovering Spock’s katra when he had no reason to believe that Spock did the transfer and even outright saying at the end that his logic is more or less impaired when Spock is concerned if he didn’t, and The Voyage Home had him outright finally tell him that he made the right choice and that he was wrong in the way only Vulcans can say things. There was just kind of this feeling that he realized that he had been wrong and regretted it and wanted to make amends… but didn’t know how and it took Spock dying to finally do so. He’s not necessarily a good parent, a lot of Spock’s issues are due to him not understanding his struggles, and yeah more or less disowning him for several years was shitty, but he’s not even close to the worst and he at least tried to make it right and I can respect that. If anything though, Sarek was at least shown to be a capable ambassador and genuinely loved and was good to Amanda. So seeing him in TNG and thankfully still played by Mark Lenard, I was interested to see what they’d do with him and how he’d interact with the new cast. The result?

Sarek, did hiding your heart condition in Journey to Babel teaches you nothing about revealing vital medical information?! Is this just a Vulcan thing?! Anyways, the revelations here were… sad. Sarek has essentially the Vulcan version of Alzheimer’s which is causing him to be unable to control his emotions. Which for a Vulcan… that has to be outright horrific. Not to mention it’s causing rising, unprovoked violent responses from the crew like Crusher outright slapping her own son. To no one’s surprise, Sarek’s the reason why, albeit he’s causing it unintentionally. While Mark Lenard has been excellent as Sarek alll across the board especially in the films, he gets to do a lot more here due to Sarek’s unstable emotional control and he is just fantastic. The whole confrontation with Picard was truly excellent acting from both him and Patrick Stewart. Sarek truly feels unhinged and it is both horrifying and just sad to watch especially to how dignified and composed he was in TOS. The mind-meld with Picard may help in the short-term, but... it’s likely inevitable that he won’t last much longer. My only real complaint is that Spock and Amanda are saved as a brief mention and technically not even by Sarek but by Picard enduring the aftereffects of the mind-meld, though it does reflect Sarek’s mindset/emotions. Seriously Picard-as-Sarek reflecting how much he loved them and regretting not being able to ever truly express it or outright say it… it’s just heart-breaking, thoug it does confirm everything I had already thought so that’s good~ Still, this was a great episode! I’m glad to finally have some Vulcans again, Sarek was very well done, and the entire episode is very well acted especially the previously mentioned confrontation and everything involving the mind-meld especially after when Picard loses it. I know that Spock will show up at some point in TNG so I hope that this episode comes back up because Dear Lord please allow Spock that closure before he has to be sent to AOS. Regardless this was excellent~! Thanks for reaching my expectaitons TNG~! 4.5/5.

Menage a Troi: Oh great, another Lwaxana episode… albeit she actually has my sympathy in this one cause a Ferengi is pursuing her. I might find the woman annoying, but considering what we know of how Ferengi treat women, no one deserves that. So… if anything I am fair or at least try to be, so I will say that Lwaxana is better in this episode. She’s still obnoxious, but with the aforementioned horrid way that Ferengi treats women (seriously the nudity part was an utterly unnecessary show), refusing to be treated as property, and her genuine love and concern for Deanna make her much more likable. She certainly didn’t deserve to be treated the way she did. Troi being sick of being talked down to as a child and her mother butting into her romantic life no matter how well-intentioned instead of just letting her take it at her own pace and when she’s content as she is now is very relatable as well. Look I’ve grown to like Riker/Troi and I’m all for them getting back together… but they should do so if and when they’re ready, not be pushed into that direction. Still overall, didn’t care for this one. It’s better than Lwaxana’s first two episodes, but still makes me uncomfortable in other ways that aren’t funny, and the fact that she’s still pursuing Picard and he gets forced to go along with it at the end (albeit Patrick Stewart getting to go full Shakespearian was the funniest part of the whole episode) still doesn’t sit right with me. The Wesley subplot was also utterly wasted, feeling like it was just shoved in there and he did nothing to deserve promotion to Ensign. Yes, he gave up his chance to go to the Academy when he has his aha moment, but he did barely anything all season or the last two seasons to have earned it, or at least shoving it into this episode made it feel undeserved. Wesley himself is fine as a character, he’s nowhere near as bad as some make him out to be, but the concept of his character is just… not suited for ST. But the was funnier than the past two and Lwaxana has her better traits higlighted such as her intelligence and acting skills. If anything she does genuienly love her daughter and is not a helpless victim. Majel Barrett also owns it, I can respect that. 2.5/5.

Transfiguration: Okay, so we have an injured alien known only as John Doe wo is both amnesic and has some impressive regenererative abilities. He also turns out to have mass power such as powerful healing abilities as his body is udnergoign some kind of rapid change,. Meanwhile, Geordi gets some kid of sudden confidence boost and is finally making progress with his love life. If I’m gonna be honest… I don’t have anything to really say on this one. It was fine, but I don’t really have any thoughts regarding it otherwise. There’s this sense of spirituality in there and the ending makes it feel like religious opression. The Zalkonians killing their own kind who undergo the transformation just to maintian their power… yeah that was… yeah. Anyway, it was fine. I felt bad for John Doe and Crusher was good. All I’ve really got to say for this one. 3/5.

Alright, one more to go! Next time I’ll only be covering two episodes, the S3 finale and the S4 premiere. But they’re the same story so…. I’ve heard good things about this one, so we’ll see if it delivers.

[stjudesfandom]

i'm curious so give me your honest opinion about the disney princesses!

here’s my honest opinion on the cast in general. just mine remember! other fans might feel differently: THE PRINCES

cameron as flynn - completely yes. he has a boyish charm that would work so well. people who say “actors should/can play anything” are completely wrong and will never work in the industry for that reason. actors have to fit the part to the extent and this is probs the most exciting casting for me. he’ll do so well. alex as aladdin - undecided...i don’t think he’s going to play him in the way we know aladdin. i think he’ll have a more serious spin on the character but i definitely dont HATE it.  oliver as prince charming - yes, yes, yes. charming isn’t exciting so they NEEDED someone who was going to give him some personality. i think this could really elevate oliver’s career too. we need more of him. harvey as eric - an actor we don’t know much about but again. YES. i think he’s the perfect fit and it’s great to see some new faces getting the chance to go big.  danny as prince phillip - yes! i like it and we know danny will be able to give us prince vibes. he’s very talented. what i like about these castings is there’s a perfect balance between big names to draw people in (like danny) and lots of up and coming talent too. ezra as naveen - i don’t hate it but it’s my least favourite prince casting...the energy people wasted trying to say zara was a predictable rapunzel should have been given to this. i think he’ll kill it but idk, it doesn’t excite me as much.  leo as kristofer - I DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL. it’ll either be amazing or a trainwreck. i just cant visualise it. again, im not saying i hate it. i just need some time to sit with it. i think when we get trailers and sneak peaks, it’ll make more sense. it was just a big surprise.  luke as li shang - also known as the perfect casting. he’s the perfect li shang. 

THE SIDEKICKS 

natalie as the fairy godmother - YES but she really needs to embrace it because this could become an iconic role for her. i think it’s perfect, i just hope she gives it her all.  florence as tinkerbell - this is her first acting gig, so i haven’t got much to go off of...HOWEVER, im always very sceptical when hamiltons go into something new...because their family is so powerful in entertainment it always smells of nepotism. i love her for tinkerbell but now i hope she can actually act and has talent/wasnt just cast for who shes related to. matt as the genie - NOT A SINGLE OTHER ACTOR could do it. i’m so glad this is what he got and he wasn’t lumped with a prince or something. he has the range, we know he’s going to be reeling off those punch lines. yes.  duyi as mushu - another actor i havent seen MUCH of. i think it’s accurate though and i’m intrigued to see where he goes with it. 

THE VILLAINS 

i’m not going to get into an individual breakdown of the villains because i agree with it all. i love that every single one is an established and known actor. i love that every single one has proved themselves already. THEY are going to be the ones who reel the audience in because names like wesley higgins, gisele collins, disney hamilton etc. are so linked to st judes. i think this was such a smart move. 

THE PRINCESSES 

autumn as snow - hm...i don’t know much about autumn. she has the look, definitely, but i don’t know what she’s like in terms of acting. BUT i can get behind it because acting is her main career choice so at least we know she has talent/is serious and she’ll be elevated to a new level of relevance in her career.  natasha as aurora - YES YES YES i cannot stress how much i was hoping aurora wasn’t cast as someone very traditionally princess-y like mal or zara. aurora is easily the most boring and passive princess and she needed someone with a bit of edge, especially bc this is a modern franchise. a VERY underrated choice but the perfect one!  mallory as cinderella - love it. i think cinderella is more relevant/important than she gets credit for so i hope mallory takes it seriously and really does her justice. looks wise, it couldn’t be more perfect. this could be a great performance if the work is put in.  ruby as belle - i really love it. i didn’t at first because ruby is a singer and with franchises like this, you kind of want ALL of the cast to be very serious actors but she has had broadway experience and been in her fair share of projects so i’ve warmed to it and she just looks like belle, doesn’t she? i think she’ll do well.  maelyn as ariel - i was NOT expecting it. i don’t know who i thought was going to get this tbh. i feel the same as i do about autumn...i haven’t seen much of her and ariel is SUCH a big character, i’m worried she might not do her the justice she deserves.  rosalie as jasmine - YES YES YES. rosalie is the next big actress in st judes. she can do film just as well as she can do stage and this will totally prove it.  harper as pocahontas - i love it! she has the look 100%. i think the only thing people will moan about is age but honestly? i think it’ll be fine. harper could easily pull off a college student (because that’s who pocahontas is in this?) and it’ll be nice to see her in something big.  elodie as mulan - YES. I WAS HOPING FOR THIS. 10/10. cassidy as merida - see autumn/harper! i don’t have any complaints but hope she can do the role justice as we haven’t seen much of her.  kobi as tiana - kobi is the perfect tiana. we’ve seen her do tiana before, but not a modernised version? i’m really happy we get to have her again. mason did well to not just go for “unpredictable” people and actually consider actors who would be convincing LOOKS WISE as well as acting range wise.  zara as rapunzel - i will defend this casting till i die. i feel like everyone who said it was predictable lowkey wanted mal to be rapunzel and imo that would’ve been a weaker casting. when it comes to disney, you definitely have to LOOK like the character you’re portraying, zara looks the most like her AND her acting ability is insane. idk where all the arguments were coming from about actors ‘can play people they’re not necessarily like’ as well because she’s not exactly like rapunzel irl but people can already see she’d be amazing as her, so that kind of defeats what the people who dont like the casting are saying? long story short, a perfect casting and the right choice. i just hope she isnt disheartened and brings her A-game. mackenzie as elsa - YES YES elsa is supposed to be slightly older than most of the princesses and have a sophisticated air about her. mackenzie will give us the elsa we deserve. she looks enough like her to make this a recognisable disney franchise but also has the acting range to show different sides to elsa’s character that haven’t been portrayed in the original movies.  heidi as anna - THIS IS CUTE. i approve!  christelle as moana - the same as ruby, pretty much! i hope there’re musical elements too though because imagine if we get a “how far i’ll go” cover from christelle? yes pleaaase?

[aion-rsa]

RiffTrax: A Guide to Christmas and Holiday Episodes

https://ift.tt/3p3xspq

Since its inception, RiffTrax has regularly visited the crazy world of Christmas movies and shorts because when you get down to it, Christmas is a crazy time and Santa’s such a rich concept that it’s easy to go completely off the rails with him. Here’s a look at all the various Christmas-related movies they’ve watched. Luckily, all of them are available on-demand, so you can buy them and download the entire movie with the audio already synced up.

A handful of the shorts were featured in previous editions of RiffTrax Live, but are also available on their own. Then there’s the Christmas Shorts-stravaganza, which not only featured a bunch of Christmas-based short films, but also a film about serving pork and some kind of competitive swimming event. Weird Al was there too! At the show…not…not the swimming event.

Like when I discussed the 30 Most Insane RiffTrax Shorts, I’m going to give both the lucid explanation of what each short or movie is supposed to be in a sane, reasonable world and what we actually get.

You can check out RiffTrax’s collection of Christmas movies and shorts right her.

“Now, come on. Let me show you the rest.” “No, really, I have to go, I…”

NESTOR THE LONG-EARED CHRISTMAS DONKEY (1977)

The Idea: Remember how great the Rankin/Bass stop-motion version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was? It was such a classic that people watch every year as a holiday tradition. Expanding on that world, the same company released Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey, figuring they’d spin another classic out of a more religious context. In it, Nestor undergoes some hardships due to the massive size of his ears, but is chosen to help Joseph and the pregnant Mary make it to Bethlehem.

The Output: You remember how Rudolph went, right? He was teased for a bit for being different, but that led to him discovering lovable, memorable characters and getting into fantastic adventures before proving his worth and showing that his so-called deformity was really his greatest strength. Okay, now imagine that exact story, only remove the lovable, memorable characters.

Then take that part of the movie where he’s teased and stretch it so it makes up 95% of the story. Hell, just make the thing completely depressing. There. You have Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey.

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Movies

MST3K: A Christmas Episodes Guide for Mystery Science Theater 3000

By Gavin Jasper

Movies

The 21 Best Christmas Horror Movies

By Rosie Fletcher and 5 others

This is an earlier RiffTrax release, so the only one on it is Mike. Hearing one riffer can be a little off-putting, but it’s worth it to see such a terrible rewrite of Rudolph without any of the magic. Oh, and spoilers for a 40-year-old holiday special, but Nestor ends up becoming best buddies with the man who killed his mother and it’s never explained because it’s at the very end of the movie. I guess Jesus being born really packed a punch.

“Introducing Chewbacca’s family!” “And many scream-yourself-awake nightmares!”

STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL (1978)

The Idea: In a time when Empire Strikes Back was far from release but the studios wanted to keep Star Wars in the public’s mind so they’ll keep buying their merchandise, it was decided to bring the cast in for a prime-time holiday special in the ’70s. Based on Han Solo trying to get Chewbacca home to his family in time for Wookie Life Day, the special features everyone from Luke to Vader with special guest stars Art Carney and Bea Arthur. It also has an animated short that gives us the very first appearance of Boba Fett!

The Output: Whenever I try to explain the Star Wars Holiday Special to someone who has never seen it or even heard of it, I point out that George Lucas, known for being a pretty greedy guy, refused to make money off of it in any way. He would never release the Holiday Special in any format because he was that disgusted by it. I don’t blame him because if not for Mike, Kevin, and Bill, I wouldn’t have been able to sit through it myself.

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TV

Star Wars: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader Had a Rematch Before A New Hope

By John Saavedra

TV

100 Best Christmas TV Episodes of All Time

By Wesley Mead

Each segment appears to be more horrific than the last. We get huge stretches of time where Chewbacca’s family just kind of meanders around their household, growling at each other, with no subtitles. There are “comedy” and musical bits that are just a slog to sit through. One such bit appears to be Chewbacca’s father Itchy watching virtual reality porn. Not even kidding. Mark Hamill is covered in enough makeup to put the studio in the red from their cosmetics budget, Harrison Ford looks like he’d rather be doing anything else, Carrie Fisher is pretty high, and Bea Arthur sings lyrics over the “Cantina Song.” It’s a glorious Hell.

As the cherry on top, the version they watch has all the 1970s commercials completely intact. One of which features Schneider from One Day at a Time!

“He always has loads of fun.” “Why, here he is in Dallas in 1963!”

A VISIT TO SANTA (1963)

The Idea: A couple of kids send a letter to Santa Claus, asking to visit him at the North Pole before Christmas. Santa decides it’s a good idea and has them picked up and brought over in a magic helicopter. He shows Dick and Ann around his home and talks for a moment about how he spreads yuletide cheer through Thanksgiving parades. Then they ride around on a rocket and look at Santa’s prized train set.

The Output: It’s summed up perfectly when Kevin notes, “Interesting. I didn’t know that David Lynch made a Christmas film.” The whole production is very creepy, reminiscent of Manos: Hands of Fate’s cinematography. With all the many Santas that the RiffTrax guys have seen over the years, this one is probably the least jolly (that is, until A Song for Santa). He comes off as a deranged murder suspect trying to lay low with a disguise. In fact, everything about this short is suspect, like the elves, who are really just little kids in miniskirts.

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Movies

Why Chronicles of Narnia’s Santa Claus Celebrates Christmas with Weapons of War

By Juliette Harrisson

Movies

Christmas Movies: A Complete Holiday Streaming Guide

By Alec Bojalad and 1 other

Dick and Ann only have a few lines in the opening and thank God for that. We can understand maybe five percent of anything they have to say.

“Ah, good. Finally, on the silver screen, the be-top-hatted spider-dog of my nightmares. Unless…I’m just having another nightmare.”

CHRISTMAS TOYSHOP (1945)

The Idea: As two kids are put to bed on Christmas Eve, their father tries to set up the tree and all the gifts downstairs. He stumbles around and the ruckus makes them think – in their dreams – that Santa just fell down the chimney. Sharing the same dream, they go downstairs and greet Santa. The little girl asks about where the toys come from and Santa tells the story of a magical toy shop. From here, it becomes a cartoon about living toys having fun when the shop owner is gone.

The Output: The animated sequence is your usual old, black and white cartoon fare. A bunch of toys do stuff for several minutes, including a forgettable musical number, then a plot suddenly happens at the end. Here, it’s an evil spider showing up to try and kidnap a toy of Little Miss Muffet, causing the toy soldiers to come to her rescue.

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Movies

20 Christmas Movies for Badasses

By Michael Reed

Movies

The Mystery Picture on the National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation DVD Cover

By Daniel Langrish-Beard

Somehow, the live-action segment is supposed to be a framing device and everything about the cartoon is being related by Santa. Why he’s telling them about a spider kidnapping a toy, I don’t know, but there you go.

This won’t be the last questionable piece of Santa Claus storytelling. We’ll get to that in a bit.

“Wow. I have literally never seen anything as small and of no account as this tree.”

CHRISTMAS RHAPSODY (1947)

The Idea: A lonely, tiny tree sits in the middle of the snowy forest, feeling itself worthless and meaningless. To its surprise, it’s taken in by a family and set up in their cabin. They decorate it for Christmas and give it the meaning it had been wanting for all this time.

The Output: You know, this one is almost decent, at least in concept. The basic Christmas moral buried in there is rather touching. Too bad the short has two things working against it. One, it’s really boring. Two, the tree is such a sad sack and won’t shut up about how much it sucks. It keeps explaining itself as being small and of no account, which will get your eyes rolling after the eighth time it repeats that.

There’s really nothing else to talk about here. Well, maybe the father’s creepy scalp.

“I need you tonight.” “WHOA!”

RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER (1948)

The Idea: No, not the Rankin/Bass cartoon we all know and love. This animated short is a completely different adaptation of the Rudolph song, predating the stop-motion special by decades. Rudolph is still made fun of for his nose and Santa needs his help due to a foggy night, but don’t expect to see his elf dentist buddy or the abominable snowman.

The Output: Other than the missing characters (which isn’t a criticism, since this came first and those guys weren’t mentioned in the song), the biggest difference in this telling is Rudolph’s status. The Rankin/Bass version made sense in that Santa had a bunch of reindeer living at the North Pole, so of course Santa would come across Rudolph. Here, Rudolph lives in a reindeer civilization. According to this short, animals live like humans around the globe in different sectors (ie. a rabbit-only town) and the only known human being is Santa Claus.

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TV

Doctor Who: revisiting Steven Moffat’s Christmas specials

By Mark Harrison

Movies

17 Movies Secretly About Christmas You Need to Watch

By Mike Cecchini and 4 others

Oh, man. Maybe this is a sequel to Peace on Earth. Pretend you know what I’m talking about.

Another high spot is Rudolph’s mother, who is for some reason shown completely dressed, walking on her hind legs, and having almost human proportions. The riffers all find themselves sexually confused by this.

“Watch this!” “I saw Bam Margera do this on Jackass!”

A CHRISTMAS DREAM (1946)

The Idea: A little girl is happy to receive a few new toys on Christmas. So happy that she discards her older, rattier doll. As she goes to sleep that night, Santa decides to teach her a lesson about the value of one’s belongings by giving her a dream where her old doll comes to life to plead for her attention.

The Output: This is live-action and the doll is depicted with stop-motion animation. To this short’s credit, the animation is incredibly well done, especially for such an old film. It’s also really horrifying and the riffers don’t stop harping on that. The little girl is so excited when any sane person would be in a fear coma.

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Movies

The Strange History of the Die Hard Movies

By Ryan Lambie

TV

Doctor Who: revisiting Russell T. Davies’ Christmas specials

By Mark Harrison

Also, Santa can make you dream whatever he wants. I didn’t know that. That’s disturbing and a far bigger threat than getting coal in your stocking. All he needs are elves in the background, playing jump rope.

“One, two…you better not shout… Three, four…you better not cry… Five, six…you better not pout… Seven, eight…I’m telling you why…”

“Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!” “Well, Happy Christmas to the one household I visited! The rest of the planet can ram it for all I care!”

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (1946)

The Idea: We all know the famous poem A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement Clarke Moore. This is another adaptation of it, though without the bickering cartoon mice. Rather, we see Santa as he visits a home, delivers gifts, and flies off into the night.

The Output: This is one of the most reasonable of all the entries here because there isn’t much you can do to screw up that classic. The only questionable stuff is how rather than have any kind of special effects budget, shots of Santa flying off on his sleigh are done through animation and go back to live-action in close-ups. Otherwise, it’s fairly forgettable amongst the other freaky shorts and movies they watch.

Still, it is a dick move of Santa to give one kid a tiny toy shovel for Christmas. Who the hell would want that?

“Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in 150-plus movies, RiffTrax has nothing to say.” “Just this…enjoy.”

SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972)

The Idea: Santa is stranded in the sands of Florida. His sleigh is partially buried in the sand and his reindeer have abandoned him. He calls over a group of children to help him get the sleigh out of the ground, but to no avail. Santa insists that they don’t give up and relates their situation to the story of Thumbelina (or Jack and the Beanstalk). Luckily, the kids know one magical creature who just might be able to help Santa and make sure Christmas is saved.

The Output: God, where do I even start with this? It’s hard to sit through, but this is one of the most must-see riffs.

The Ice Cream Bunny is practically a mascot for RiffTrax (sorry, Disembaudio). It’s bad in every way. It’s an inconceivable mess. The Santa parts are embarrassing to watch and make you feel really uneasy in its disturbing, low-rent cheesiness. Then you’re rescued from it thanks to Santa telling the story of Thumbelina. By that I mean that they play a completely separate movie with a higher budget that has absolutely nothing to do with the Santa situation. This “flashback” is 50 minutes long and the entire movie is an hour and a half, so yeah. The Thumbelina stuff is also creepy to watch, if not boring at times, but it’s worth powering through.

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Movies

A Complete History of RiffTrax Live

By Gavin Jasper

Movies

The Rod Serling Christmas Movie You Never Saw

By Chris Farnell

Once we return to Santa, we’re finally introduced to the Ice Cream Bunny. Words cannot do this justice. It’s a guy in a terrible rabbit suit driving a fire truck filled with kids when the guy most certainly can’t see what he’s doing and almost runs over a dog. There’s this really unsavory feeling watching what’s supposed to be a delightful movie for children and Bill kills it by adding a horrifying, demented laugh whenever the Ice Cream Bunny is on screen.

RiffTrax has two different versions of the movie. One is the classic VOD released in 2010, where the movie takes a lengthy break to show us the stuff with Thumbelina. In 2015, they did a RiffTrax Live edition with a different print of the movie. In it, the Thumbelina stuff was replaced with Jack and the Beanstalk. Comparing the two is a no-brainer as Jack and the Beanstalk is far more entertaining on its own and is 70s as hell. Plus the RiffTrax Live version includes several bonkers shorts beforehand.

“The sequel to The Ice Cream Bunny’s Amos and Andy!”

SANTA CLAUS’ PUNCH AND JUDY (1948)

The Idea: Santa visits a large group of children (orphans?) and delivers their presents, but one of them asks for a Punch and Judy puppet show. Santa uses his magic to summon such a performance to the delight of the children.

The Output: Have you ever watched a Punch and Judy show? Yeah, nobody goes out of their way to see one. There’s nothing all that wrong with the kids, Santa, or the setup in this short. The focus is just on what I imagine to be a skilled exhibition of puppeteering that hasn’t aged well. Just a puppet beating his girlfriend with a stick, as well as various animals, and we get a break where two minstrel show puppets have a boxing match. So yeah, fun for children.

“He’s like some horrible Soviet Bloc animated version of Santa.” “His nose looks like an infected thumb!”

THE SHANTY WHERE SANTY CLAUS LIVES (1933)

The Idea: A poor little boy live alone and in the cold, doomed to freeze on Christmas Eve. Luckily, he’s discovered by Santa, who takes him away to his own home, where the kid sees all sorts of wonders.

The Output: First thing’s first, the Santa Claus in this movie is rather horrific, one of the scariest of all the Santas in all of these movies, which is impressive for a cartoon. Despite being the title character, he only gets about a minute of screen time anyway. The rest is either the kid being depressed and cold or the kid watching yet another old-timey cartoon scenario where the toys just kind of do stuff and sing for several minutes until something resembling a plot happens at the end. In this case, the tree accidentally catches on fire and the boy has to help put it out.

The most striking thing about this short is the never-ending parade of racism. Lot of uncomfortable toys lounging in the shanty where Santy Claus lives.

“Ooooooh, I’m full grown, all right!” “Kids, if you ever hear someone say that in that voice, call the cops.”

MAGIC CHRISTMAS TREE (1964)

The Idea: A child befriends a witch around Halloween and is given a seed that will eventually sprout a magical Christmas tree. Not only does it talk, but it will also grant him three wishes! Unfortunately, the power goes to the boy’s head and his poor decisions put Christmas in some serious danger.

The Output: While it may not be the absolute best RiffTrax, it’s the best kind of bad movie for them to tackle. The movie is incredibly strange, but it gradually builds on it. In the beginning, it’s almost straightforward, but it gets more and more questionable as the minutes pass. For instance, there’s a scene where the main character’s family leaves to go Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. The boy makes a wish to have ultimate power for a limited time (why a limited time? I don’t know) and uses his power to make it day and then goes around messing with people who are doing their usual daily routines, not at all aware that it’s supposed to be the night before Christmas.

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Movies

The Best Alternative Christmas movies

By Mark Harrison

Movies

Disney+ Christmas Movies for Kids: The Best Family Films to Watch this Holiday Season

By Alana Joli Abbott

By the end, we have a greed-loving giant living in the mountains showing up out of nowhere. What Christmas movie isn’t complete without a greed-loving giant living in the mountains showing up out of nowhere?

“And in the second place, ice cream break was over more than an hour ago!” “Ah, kids love it when furries have labor disputes.”

SANTA’S ENCHANTED VILLAGE (1964)

The Idea: As a sequel/extension of the Mexican Santa Claus movie (more on that later), we see a village where Santa’s various helpers get toys ready for the holiday season. Unfortunately, Stinky the Skunk would rather take extremely long breaks, much to the chagrin of his supervisor, the Ferocious Wolf.

The Output: By “sequel” I mainly mean that the guy who made this had the rights to the Santa Claus movie and would occasionally toss in clips from it. The original footage in this short (and the two that follow) are incredibly low-rent, mainly in the form of the mascot costume characters and their terrible voices. Most notable is how the Ferocious Wolf is accompanied by loud, obnoxious accordion noises whenever he walks around. Which is a lot.

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Movies

The Best Christmas Movie Soundtracks of All Time

By Ivan Radford

TV

The Best Christmas Movies Available on Netflix

By Alec Bojalad

One of the true highlights is when the Ferocious Wolf visits Santa’s office and rants about how Stinky the Skunk is such a bad employee. Santa’s reaction is to just sit there the entire time, nodding and laughing his ass off like a lunatic. Which reminds me, the Ferocious Wolf complaining about his ulcer is – I kid you not – his catchphrase.

“Hey! Right here at this moment, this officially became the craziest thing ever made by man.” “Seriously, Merry Christmas, everyone. Merry Christmas.”

SANTA CLAUS AND HIS HELPERS (1964)

The Idea: The Ferocious Wolf, Stinky the Skunk, and Puss’n Boots get in a big argument and Santa is none too pleased. Watching from space along with his good friend Merlin, Santa decides to go give his angry employees a visit and set them straight.

The Output: This installment of the Santa’s Village of Madness Trilogy is easily the least coherent. Seeing the costumed characters is complete bedlam and even the riffers give up in awe of the chaos. Not only is half of the footage of this short taken directly from Santa Claus, but a couple minutes are taken from Santa’s Enchanted Village! But hey, no angry accordion music this time, so that’s something.

“Whoa! He’s got a face like a squid’s anus!”

SANTA’S MAGIC KINGDOM (1966)

The Idea: Puss’n Boots is the head of security in Santa’s Village and he confronts a visitor. It turns out to be a princess on the run from a giant ogre that’s out to destroy Santa Claus and end Christmas! Puss needs to gather an army together to face this beast and save Christmas.

The Output: So this giant ogre? They never actually show him. Well, except for a shot of a lame dinosaur statue that we see for a second. I don’t know if that’s actually supposed to be the ogre. Whatever. Otherwise, the narrative is just another fever dream filmed with the tiniest budget. Merlin ends up being the one to challenge the big monster and what a fight it is! I think. They never actually show any of it. We just hear them off-screen while everyone else reacts. The elves couldn’t even do that right.

“Ladies and gentlemen, a third-string ballerina on painkillers.”

SANTA CLAUS AND THE FAIRY SNOW QUEEN (1951)

The Idea: A six-inch tall woman called the Snow Queen visits Santa on Christmas Eve, but is annoyed to see him sleeping in her presence. As a joke, she gives life to a handful of nearby toys. The various toys dance and laugh, but are reluctant to be given off to children as lifeless gifts. Not only have they taken to being alive, but they’ve also grown attached to each other. Whatever will Santa and the Snow Queen do?

The Output: This whole thing is incomprehensible and it doesn’t help that the Snow Queen has a really thick European accent that you can barely cut through. The real star of this short is the Candy Lion. See, while you have understandable, recognizable toys hanging around like a toy soldier, a ballerina, a ragdoll, a Jack-in-the-box, and so on, you also have the Candy Lion. Described as a half-mummified Chewbacca, the dead-eyed toy stands around in the background for the most part and gets one memorable line when he excitedly brags to Santa, “I can eat candy!”

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TV

13 Craziest Interpretations of Santa Claus to Ever Slide Down a Chimney

By Daniel Kurland

Culture

The Beatles Christmas Messages Were Carols to Be Played at Maximum Volume

By Tony Sokol

The Jack-in-the-box is easily one of the more annoying characters in RiffTrax history, though. Goddamn that repeating freak. This is all hosted by Snoopy, a high-pitched “brownie” (which appears to be no different than an elf) who I’m not sure if I’m repulsed by or attracted to.

“My finger isn’t tired!” “Oh, God! What is he about to do?!”

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS (1964)

The Idea: On Mars, children have become joyless and robotic due to the planet’s lack of fun and insistence on constant studying and good behavior. The only thing that brings them any happiness is watching Earth programs, such as news on this Santa Claus character. Afraid for the future of his planet, Kimar and his crew visit Earth to kidnap Santa (and eventually two children) and bring him to Mars so that he can spread joy to their world…whether he wants to or not!

The Output: While this movie may be on the IMDB bottom 100, I consider it a guilty pleasure. As I discussed when speaking with Kevin Murphy, I think at its core, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a great concept for a children’s movie. It has its own unique whimsy. Unfortunately, it’s hurt by bad, hammy acting and the kind of bad costuming and effects you’d expect from a movie like this.

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Movies

10 remarkable things: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians

By Ryan Lambie

TV

The Best Christmas Movies Available on Amazon Prime

By Alec Bojalad

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is the only RiffTrax movie to also be featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000, Cinematic Titanic (the offshoot where the other MST3K cast members went off to), and RiffTrax, all with their own unique set of jokes. There’s a good reason for that. The movie is incredibly silly and ripe for mockery, yet at the same time completely and utterly watchable. The RiffTrax version features the movie in its entirety, rather than the abridged version from MST3K.

“Don’t you wish that your school bus looked like this?!” “Packed with bearded lunatics and flanked by grim clowns? No!”

FUN IN BALLOON LAND (1965)

The Idea: A little boy goes to sleep and dreams of a world of giant balloon people and other children to play with. After getting into a variety of adventures, he and a little girl watch a holiday parade filled with all sorts of balloon floats.

The Output: This 1960s nightmare is the perfect B-side to Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. The first third of it is complete and utter nonsense. This little boy would just wander around a warehouse, stumble upon some kind of big balloon statue, someone would voice said statue by shouting from across the room off-screen, and then it would move on to a completely unrelated scene. There is a group of ballerinas who show up to dance for absolutely no reason. At one point the boy is inexplicably walking around in only a gold lamé diaper and Kevin wonders, “Is this movie even legal?” The boy proceeds to hit on mermaids and plays hide-and-seek with a lobster thing.

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Culture

25 Unsung Christmas Icons

By Gavin Jasper

TV

The Best Christmas Movies Available on Hulu

By Alec Bojalad

Then it becomes old footage of a holiday parade that lasts about a half hour and has more clowns and majorettes than I have ever seen in one place at one time. It’s pretty dry, but the woman narrating it is completely insane and the RiffTrax crew show absolutely no mercy in painting her as some kind of drunk lunatic. She ends the movie with a “guessing game” where she keeps changing the rules every three seconds and you don’t even know what the hell is going on.

“Still going? If this was a game of Ski Free, the Abominable Snowman would have gobbled them up hours ago.”

ZLATEH THE GOAT (1973)

The Idea: A boy named Aaron reluctantly has to bring his family’s prized goat Zlateh to the butcher in order to sell her. During the journey, the weather takes a horrible turn and Aaron and Zlateh are forced to hide out under a pile of hay for several days. The two form a bond that allows them to survive the ordeal.

The Output: This Hanukkah story is absolutely miserable. Despite being just a short, it feels like it goes on forever and pads itself out with many shots of the kid having to drag the goat through the snow. And you know how I just said that they form a bond that allows Aaron to survive? Yeah, that’s from him drinking milk directly from Zlateh. It’s nasty.

“It’s fun to make things of sugar. And they are good to eat.” “WHAT?!” “Just grab a slice of instant diabetes, kids!”

AT YOUR FINGERTIPS: SUGAR AND SPICE (1970)

The Idea: The At Your Fingertips series is all about arts and crafts using stuff around the house. Here, we see how you can use sugar to create festive Christmas ornaments. Through creativity and hard work, you can make decorating a blast!

The Output: The At Your Fingertips series is all about spending way too much time on ugly and insane crap that really looks far from fun. This Christmas-related one is no different. Things come off as less festive and more gross and unpleasant. And that’s before the children start eating pure sugar. Ugh.

“If she’s already sleeping, we might be able to see her dreams.” “We’re in, children. Let’s get ready to begin our Christmas inception. I won’t lie to you: we might have to shoot our way out.”

SANTA CLAUS (1959)

The Idea: In a Mexican adaptation of the Santa Claus myth, we see the jolly one as he spends the night delivering presents. Some children get extra focus for the movie, including a little boy whose parents don’t seem to have time for him and a poor, little girl who only wants a doll to play with. As Santa tries to make right by them, he’s vexed by Pitch, a devil sent to ruin Christmas for everyone.

The Output: This is another MST3K double-dip, but for good reason. It’s delightfully insane. See, Santa is already a nutty concept, but we get into Drunk History territory here where the people behind the movie don’t quite get it and his mythology gets even stranger in translation.

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Movies

The Strangest and Most Disturbing Santa Claus Movie of Them All

By Jim Knipfel

TV

The 12 Best SNL Holiday Sketches

By Chris Longo and 1 other

Did you know Santa is good friends with Merlin the Magician? Did you know that he has a burly blacksmith working for him? Or that Santa lives in space with little children from all around the world doing his bidding? Or that he regularly fights the minions of Satan?

The MST3K version might be better, but it is nice getting to see the full cut of the movie for once.

“Who and what are you?” “I am—“ “Meryl Streep. I am good in everything.”

A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1952)

The Idea: The Alastair Sim version of A Christmas Carol, otherwise known as Scrooge, is considered an outright classic. Perhaps the greatest telling of the Charles Dickens story of a hateful rich man realizing his own humanity thanks to being visited by ghosts. Here, we get to see the movie in its abridged form and get through it in minutes.

The Output: Listen, A Christmas Carol has a pretty solidified structure. Scrooge is a dick, his dead friend warns him, he gets led around by three other ghosts, and he comes out of it a better person. Abridging it simply does not work. Basically, Marley introduces him to the Ghost of Christmas Present and that’s enough to make a change. Bridget puts it best: “They edited the Dickens out of the movie!”

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Movies

A Christmas Carol: The Best and Worst Adaptations

By Robert Keeling

TV

The Most Disturbing TV Christmas Specials

By Wesley Mead

This short is part of Have a Mary Jo Christmas and a Bridget New Year, which is done by Mary Jo Pehl and Bridget Nelson instead of the usual riffers. It features some non-riff stuff in-between this and the following short…

“Man, I wish I hadn’t gone commando today…”

THE LITTLE LAMB (1955)

The Idea: During storytime, a group of children ask to hear a story about an animal while one girl wants to hear a story about Jesus. Their mother figures to cover both by telling the story of Jesus’ birth from the point of view of three shepherds. While two of them brave strong winds to save a lost, little lamb, an angel appears to them to tell them about the birth of Christ. They and their curmudgeonly associate go off to find the new king.

The Output: Honestly, this one isn’t all that bad, really. It’s a pretty solid production and the only part that really gets a rise out of Mary Jo and Bridget is when they warm baby Jesus’ body by laying the lamb next to him. It’s not the most memorable little short, but it’s fine for what it is.

Plus I’m always distracted by how much the guy playing Joseph looks like CM Punk. It’s downright uncanny in some shots.

“A real child’s actual tears! I know I’m ready for Christmas!”

I BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS (1984)

The idea: Simon is a bullied child whose parents have been kidnapped by African soldiers. Desperate to get them back, he and a friend sneak off from a school field trip and board a plane in hopes to find where Santa Claus lives. Alongside a Christmas Fairy (who looks an awful lot like Simon’s kindly teacher), Santa goes to Africa to rescue the captives. Meanwhile, the children are captured by an ogre.

The Output: Did any of that sound lucid? Because this French film is out there, man. It’s cute, but it also decides that being a kid’s movie means it doesn’t have to be logically coherent. You know, even though there’s an entire plot thread about African warlords kidnapping people. Kids like that stuff, right?

You know that, “I’m the captain now!” part of Captain Phillips? Imagine Tom Hanks replaced with Santa in that scene and you’re just hitting the tip of the iceberg of how bizarre this Christmas film is.

“Monkeys, you know, are very much like human beings in many ways. And sometimes they do the very same things that we do.” “Why, here’s a monkey Black Friday stampede!”

SANTA CLAUS’ STORY (1945)

The Idea: It begins with Twas the Night Before Christmas and ends with the, “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,” speech. In-between, Santa tells two children about how monkeys also celebrate Christmas and have their very own Monkey Santa Claus.

The Output: Monkey Santa Claus. Really.

This short is barely being held together by a narrative. They basically have a bunch of footage of monkeys and chimps doing stuff and since this includes 20 seconds of a chimp wearing a horrifying Santa Claus mask and costume, they decide that there’s a Monkey Christmas and write everything around that.

Somehow, this was the sanest thing shown at the RiffTrax Live for Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

“Bricks on his face. Sure! He’s a dragon.” “All dragons have bricks on their face.”

THE TALE OF THE CUSTARD DRAGON (1965)

The Idea: Ogden Nash’s poem for children comes to life. A little girl has a pet dog, cat, mouse, and dragon. The dragon, named Custard, is a bit of a coward and only wants to be let alone. But then on one Christmas Eve, when his friends are attacked by an evil pirate, Custard has to stand up and save their presents.

The Output: The poem is acted out via a handful of kids in little Halloween costumes, including Custard being a dragon with a brick facemask. The short takes place in somebody’s den and aesthetically, the whole thing is a weird mess. Custard also straight-up murders the pirate, which makes sense on the page, but feels a bit off the reservation when we see a child viciously attacking an adult in a lame costume.

“AAAAAHHHH! Hannibal Lecter’s Christmas trees!” “Good God, he’s keeping them alive!”

THE CHRISTMAS TREE (1975)

The Idea: This short tells us the story of three pine trees who are cut down and go through the process of becoming Christmas trees. This means being sold, being decorated, enduring Christmas, and, sadly, being discarded. Shown in live-action, the trees are portrayed by mimes in tree costumes and facepaint.

The Output: It’s cute, but also bewildering. With zero dialogue, we watch these three guys mug at each other while Christmas stuff happens around them. As strange as it is by default, it loses its mind in the final minutes when we see the trees thrown in the garbage as they start to die. Not only do the trees-with-faces die, but we get to see their trees-with-faces ghosts fly up into the sky.

Tree ghosts. Yup.

“GAH! His face looks like a series of horrible wounds!” “That just started healing.” “What are the dots..?!”

SANTA’S CHRISTMAS CIRCUS (1966)

The Idea: Hey, kids! It’s time for Whizzo the Clown! This local TV clown has a special show in store for everyone as he and his audience of kids play around and pretend to be circus performers! Then they check out some motorized Christmas-based decorations before getting ready for the main event: riding a magic carpet and visiting Santa himself!

The Output: This one’s best summed up right after the opening credits end. As Whizzo walks out and mumbles loudly like he’s having an episode, Mike laughingly wonders if they’ve gone too far, knowing that the three of them are about to sit through some rough shit. While Whizzo certainly has energy and some kind of charisma, he’s also the poster boy for why people are frightened of clowns without having to go the easy serial killer route. No, he’s a friendly and jokey clown, but he’s also completely horrifying to look at.

This low-budget affair not only features Whizzo’s catchphrase of, “Now I have that to worry about,” but also the catchphrase of one girl in the audience loudly coughing throughout the hour. It’s incredibly uncomfortable to sit through.

“Yeah… Celebrate the nativity… That’s what daddy likes…”

GIFTS FROM THE AIR (1937)

The Idea: A poor boy wanders through the snow, enduring Christmas Eve without food, family, or toys. He comes across a toy store where a dancing toy soldier annoys the store owner enough to have him thrown out. The boy takes the soldier in to his humble home and his good deed is rewarded as the toy soldier happens to know how to summon Santa Claus himself!

The Output: Dancing toy cartoons with poor kids is nothing new for RiffTrax, but this one is certainly unique enough to be a must-watch. The moment Santa delivers the toys to the little boy, it becomes complete and utter madness. It’s a bunch of bizarre toys who talk like what appears to be 1930s celebrities. Like there’s a goat that sings like Bing Crosby, so even though I know who Bing Crosby is, that doesn’t make the toy goat make any more sense.

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Movies

MST3K Turkey Day: The Long History of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Thanksgiving

By Gavin Jasper

Culture

Best Holiday Gifts for Geeks in 2020

By Chris Cummins

The highlight is when a Santa Jack-in-the-box pops out and tells another toy something so indistinct that Mike notes, “‘How the hell are you, scramble puss? Smelly Christmas to you,’ is what I heard.”

“Well. This place looks cozy. I LIVE HERE NOW!”

SANTA CLAUS’ WORKSHOP (1930s)

The Idea: Once again, we get to see how Santa Claus performs his duties. From his home in the North Pole to the home of a nice middle-class family, we see Santa get letters from kids, fly on his sleigh, and deliver the presents themselves. We also get a look at the family in question, who celebrate the holidays via singing a lovely rendition of “O Come All Ye Faithful.”

The Output: It’s your usual fare on this one and not too much that sticks out. That’s not to say that it’s meant to be skipped, as Kevin singing “Pretty Woman” over “O Come All Ye Faithful” makes this worth the dollar.

The one part of the short that makes it seem off is the revelation towards the end that Santa doesn’t simply fly across the world to deliver presents in one go, but instead flies back and forth for every single household. I mean, Santa can only carry so many presents in that sack of his, right?

“And so, they started out together, not realizing they were being followed.” “Well, they were easy to track…thanks to a long trail of spunk.” “DAMN IT, KEVIN!” “(Sorry.)”

SPUNKY THE SNOWMAN (1958)

The Idea: When a group of children write a letter to Santa, it’s up to their newly-created snowman Spunky to deliver it to Santa himself. Spunky and the little dog Jeff go on a quest, only to be opposed by a fox, an owl, and a wolf. Each creature wants to steal that letter and bring it to Santa, figuring that they can then steal the gifts. Spunky and Jeff are soon aided by a bear, but can even he keep them safe?

The Output: The guy’s name is Spunky. You know exactly what kind of jokes you’re getting the second you see that title.

Otherwise, it’s an animated story that tries to be whimsical, but is really just nonsense. It takes a bunch of Christmas cliches like magic snowmen, letters to Santa, talking animals, and desire for Christmas trees and badly pastes it all together into a confusing package.

“When you’re not shaking that over our heads to make us work, you can hobble around on it and enjoy your sciatica!” “A zinger from TV’s Frank!”

BEYOND CHRISTMAS (1940)

The idea: Three old rich men feel lonely during Christmas night and one comes up with an idea of throwing wallets with $10 bills out onto the sidewalk and inviting anyone kind enough to return them to enjoy dinner with them. The gambit pays off and leads to a romance between a Texan with a golden voice and a schoolteacher. Unfortunately, tragedy strikes the old men and they have to help the couple out from beyond the grave.

The output: This movie (originally known as Beyond Tomorrow) is actually pretty damn good. It’s a little sluggish in the second half, but it’s original, has some likeable characters, and never really gets too stupid. Even Bridget and Mary Jo find themselves getting invested in what’s going on when they should be telling jokes. With them, it feels more like you’re watching a movie together rather than just watching them rip it apart.

Personally, I think it would make for a better Christmas movie if the first act took place during Thanksgiving and built towards an ending happening during Christmas. Might have made the supernatural and uplifting stuff pop more.

“Seriously, what the Hell is going on with the mitten tree?!”

CHRISTMAS CUSTOMS NEAR AND FAR (1955)

The idea: As some children prepare for a Christmas pageant, one asks their teacher about the origins of the Christmas tree. This leads to her explaining how children from different countries celebrate Christmas in varying ways.

The output: As we all know, different = funny. While some of the customs might be normal, it doesn’t help that most of them are depicted by children dressing up as foreigners while standing in front of a curtain. So it’s a Christmas pageant within a short about the attempt to rehearse a Christmas pageant. Crazy.

Through the short, we get to see a weird kid dancing around in an elf hat, a Christmas tree covered in mittens, and a thing about how kids in China do a big ceremony to celebrate the events of Christ’s birth.

“Whaddya know?! Armed and dangerous!” “None of my quips are funny but some…make very little sense!”

JACK FROST (1997)

The idea: Not to be confused with the Michael Keaton family film from the same time, Jack Frost deals with a serial killer who escapes captivity, only to be seemingly vaporized by a chemical spill. In actuality, he survives as living snow and uses his new form to attempt revenge on the police officer that arrested him in the first place. Even when the officer and his family know what they’re up against, they don’t even know if there’s a way to stop him.

The output: I remember renting this baby back in the late-90s and, hoo boy, it’s a lot worse than I remembered it being. As a horror villain, Jack Frost wants to be like Freddy Krueger or Chucky, where he kills his victims while belting out memorable one-liners. The problem is, everything he says falls flat or is complete nonsense. He constantly stumbles on his own attempts at charisma.

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Movies

MST3K: The Landmark Episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000

By Gavin Jasper

TV

Doctor Who: The Weird Anomaly of the 1965 ‘Christmas Special’

By Andrew Blair

Despite taking place in a town in winter that’s supposed to support the existence of snowmen and sledding and the like, it’s obviously taking place in a hot and sunny area with weak attempts to hide it.

It’s still better than the sequel, which was one of those cringeworthy “intentionally bad” gems.

“God… Oh no, have they been hypnotized?” “I…I…I think it might be a cult. They’re quietly chanting to that tree right now.” “…I think the tree might be marrying them.” “This is horrible!”

A CHRISTMAS FANTASY (1962)

The Idea: Two children admire their Christmas tree before falling asleep on the couch. As they dream of trees in the winter, Santa Claus appears to deliver gifts. It’s only just over five minutes, so there isn’t much happening here.

The Output: Despite its short runtime, this one really meanders. The way the kids stare at the tree like they’re about to be murdered by the Blair Witch. The endless shots of trees with no leaves on them.

The money shot of this short is when Santa shows up. Rather than just get a guy to wear a beard and call it a day, they instead have him wear a mask. It seriously looks like Leatherface is pretending to be Santa here and it’s HORRIFYING. As the guys put it, even Krampus is freaked out by this Santa.

“Santa, I wrote you a new song!” “Oh, good! A song! That’ll get me hammered.”

A SONG FOR SANTA

The idea: A trio of lost boys find themselves in a church and sit down to enjoy the warmth and chorus. One child nods off from the music and finds himself in Santa’s domain, where he offers to create a new and original Christmas song to delight Santa and his angels.

The output: The first half is normal enough, despite little of interest happening. Right when the Santa stuff happens, things get weird and creepy. Instead of elves, Santa has little girls dressed as angels and disturbingly leers at them like there’s no good that can come out of whatever’s happening. The boy’s attempt to write Santa a new song goes nowhere, as he just sings him an old song with the justification that, “I didn’t know this song until now, so it must be new to you too.”

This is another one of those oddball shorts or movies where there’s a framing device that’s forgotten about. The boy never wakes up from his dream or anything. It just ends with him hanging out with creepy Santa and his underage harem.

“Spirit…tell me if Tiny Tim will live.” “I see an empty chair in the chimney corner.” “Oh, so he not only lives, he walks?!” “No!” “It’s a Christmas miracle!” “No, no!”

A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1959)

The idea: I explained Christmas Carol earlier. Luckily, we finally have a version that’s the full story and not abridged like what Bridget and Mary Jo watched.

The output: This one’s by Coronet Films, meaning it’s old as hell and feels cheap. To its credit, despite running at just over 20 minutes, it tells the complete story without feeling rushed. It just feels a bit under budget, what with the limited quality in costumes and several sets being some props on a fog-filled sound stage.

Still, it’s A Christmas Carol and you have to go out of your way to do a bad job with that. This one’s still fairly watchable, even if the riffs are well-deserved.

“This isn’t so much A Miracle on 34th Street as it is A Horse Who Took a Dump on 34th Street.”

SANTA’S SUMMER HOUSE (2012)

The idea: A group of travelers get lost in a fog and end up at the doorstep of a kindly couple who allow them to stay in their mansion for a couple days. Little do these visitors realize that their hosts are none other than Santa Claus and his wife! The two try to use their wisdom and magic to improve the lives of these visitors and mend their relationships.

The output: This piece of shit is written and directed by the same guys who gave us A Talking Cat!?! It even takes place in the same house. At least with Talking Cat!?! there were two separate houses used. Here, it’s just the one.

It’s a hell of a lineup of actors. Mrs. Claus starred in RiffTrax target Honor and Glory. The egomaniac scientist guy in this movie is the JCVD knockoff from MST3K’s Future War. Santa himself is played by Robert Mitchum’s son. Even though he isn’t all that overweight and doesn’t have a beard, he’s still identified as looking a lot like Santa.

The movie is just bad dialogue said by bad actors, occasionally broken up by wipe edits featuring Christmas Clip-Art. It never reaches Talking Cat!?! levels of batshit, but it’s still stupid as a pile of rocks.

“They’re buying a brother?!”

CHARLIE’S CHRISTMAS SECRET (1984)

The idea: A young Seth Green plays Charlie, who feels that he’s outgrown Christmas. The commercialism does nothing for him and makes him feel hollow. At first, his instincts are vindicated when he comes across various others – a bitter, old woman, a poor single mother, and a scheming homeless man – but soon he realizes the meaning of Christmas by putting their needs first.

The output: Again, this one is halfway decent. All in all, it tells a really sweet story. It just happens to have a few awkward aspects to it. The whole thing has subtitles and they almost never match what’s actually being said, instead going for the simplest way of conveying whatever thoughts. Like instead of saying, “No thank you, I’m not hungry right now,” it would just say, “No.”

The most questionable part of this special, and something that I’m glad is called out by the riffers, is that Charlie apparently has to buy his own Christmas gifts. Part of the plot is that he has his eye on a stereo and instead of asking Santa for it or having his parents buy it for him, he has to save up the money from his paper route, get the stereo, and then have his mother wrap it and place it under the tree.

What the Hell?

“No. No way. There’s no such thing as Santa Claus. You’re just someone in a Santa suit.” “That’s why YOU never get anything for Christmas!” “Also, ’cause you made Feeders!”

FEEDERS 2: SLAY BELLS (1998)

The Idea: Previously, aliens invaded and feasted on a handful of confused and horrified Earthlings. Now a second UFO has arrived to conquer again, this time with its aliens creeping around and causing havoc through a suburban town. As one family gets ready for Christmas, they gradually come to realize how doomed they truly are.

The Output: RiffTrax was kind of slick on this one. On Halloween of 2019, they put out a riff for an utterly terrible low-budget piece of garbage called Feeders, which is about a bunch of laughable alien puppets invading Earth and killing some of the ugliest people to ever show up on film. Then, just a couple months later, they released a riff on its Christmas-themed sequel.

While I do suggest watching the first one, you won’t be too lost if you don’t. A survivor from the first movie goes about summarizing the first movie’s events in a series of loose framing devices that aren’t directly connected to the rest of the movie. It is pretty funny on its own, though, because a character who died in the first movie and is featured prominently in the flashbacks is played by the very same guy who is the protagonist of this movie.

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Movies

The 16 Best Winter Horror Movies

By Daniel Kurland and 3 others

TV

The Twilight Zone Marathon: A History of a Holiday Tradition

By Arlen Schumer

Not only does the climax take place on Christmas Eve, but Santa gets involved! Santa, who for some reason sounds like Homsar from Homestar Runner, is attacked by aliens (who look even worse than in the first movie) and proceeds to be the secret weapon in saving the world. He’s up there with the over-the-top boss character and the silliest-looking dead cat special effect in reasons why you should watch this one.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

“And now I will read you this editorial.” “‘The Rent is Too Damn High!’ by Virginia O’Hanlon”

YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS (1974)

The Idea: A young girl, teased by her classmates, wonders about the existence of Santa Claus. Various adults try to assure her of his existence despite admitting that they’ve never actually met him. She ends up writing to the newspaper and asks them. Egged on by an ambitious paperboy, the newspaper’s editor decides to publish his response for everyone to read.

The Output: Imagine watching a Peanuts special that features absolutely none of the Peanuts cast and is at about 75% the quality. That’s what this cartoon is. It’s also very dull, what with them trying to add a narrative to the whole newspaper editorial.

There is some real heart in it, but it doesn’t work as a whole. Probably my favorite part is when the “Yes, Virginia” editorial is read out loud. Despite the simplistic animation, the people’s reactions are emotional. Some kids seem humbled. Some adult couples embrace. Then all of the sudden, the local Irish cop character does a happy jig that probably cost them half the animation budget.

“All of this was in Dickens’ first draft, by the way. Even the goofy music.”

BANKS: THE MONEY MOVERS (1977)

The Idea: Due to his familiarity as a popular literary character, Ebenezer Scrooge (er, Arthur Scrooge?) is used as a window to help people learn about how banks work and why they are a worthwhile place to put your money. As a stand-in for the viewer, Scrooge learns about deposits, withdrawals, interest, loans, and other aspects of the business.

The Output: This is all explained via a version of Christmas Carol where Scrooge is taught a lesson by ghosts for being stingy with his money. Namely that he keeps it in his mattress. As Mike points out, it’s incredibly messed up that Marley is suffering eternal damnation because he never got a Wells Fargo account. I get trying to map your lesson onto a preexisting story, but think it through a little!

Also wild in this is how despite his old-timey appearance, Scrooge exists in modern times and is even seen using a check to buy a motor scooter. It’s completely inane, but at least the guy playing Scrooge seems like he’s having a fun time.

“The birth of Jesus Christ, ladies and gentlemen. That’s what it’s all about.”

ALIAS ST. NICK (1935)

The Idea: As a family of adorable mice get ready for Christmas, a scheming cat decides to get through their defenses by dressing up as Santa Claus, delivering their gifts, and then devouring them. His plan appears to be working extremely well, but there’s one mouse child who doesn’t believe in Santa and is quick to see through his disguise.

The Output: Although the guys don’t bring it up, it’s kind of odd that the kid who spends the whole cartoon being loudly and annoyingly skeptic about the existence of Santa Claus is absolutely 100% vindicated. There isn’t some kind of last-second evidence of Santa or something. It just ends.

Otherwise, this is just your average off-brand Looney Tunes cartoon. Probably the most bizarre moment is when the cat puts together his Santa costume and strips a doll naked to make his beard.

“And now the ancient tradition of giving a present to Tommy Lasorda.”

DECEMBER HOLIDAYS (1982)

The Idea: A narrator explains three of the bigger December holidays: Posadas, Chanukah, and Christmas. Through what appears to be fly on the wall footage, various families celebrate these holidays with their festive traditions. The narrator tries to educate the viewer on the families’ behavior and how it relates to the origins of the holidays.

The Output: I mean, that’s…pretty much it. There’s nothing wacky about this short. It’s pretty dull, but it’s a decent enough target for Mike, Bill, and Kevin. Sometimes you don’t need an Ice Cream Bunny to have a good time.

“When are you planning on going back to Florida?” “I think we’re going to wait until you have your baby. Just want to make sure you’re okay.” “And that you don’t give birth to a CGI vampire baby.”

BABY OF THE BRIDE (1991)

The Idea: A made-for-TV movie starring Rue McClanahan is actually the second in a trilogy about a dysfunctional, all-grown-up family filled with all kinds of interpersonal problems. In the previous movie, Margaret Becker married a much younger man and it took her children some time to adjust. Now things are getting crazy as not only is one of her daughters pregnant, but Margaret is pregnant too! She, her new husband, and her four kids all have to deal with a ton of drama, which all culminates at midnight mass!

The Output: This is another Bridget and Mary Jo installment and the two have a habit of tackling movies that aren’t so much the worst thing ever, but are too corny to ignore. That’s Baby of the Bride, pretty much. It’s very much a watchable movie, but it’s also a movie about Blanche from Golden Girls being pregnant, which is buried among all kinds of different subplots about how dysfunctional her family is. This family collectively gets divorced more than they get their cars’ oil checked.

The whole narrative is about eight months long because of the whole double pregnancy thing, but the climax is during Christmas Eve, so I guess it ultimately counts as a holiday movie. It just takes a long time to get there.

“I think this guy was a boss in Cuphead.”

THE SNOWMAN (1932)

The Idea: Somewhere in the arctic, an Inuit child and his animal friends enjoy their slightly-less-chilly summer by building a snowman. After happily putting it together and throwing snowballs at it, the snowman comes alive and goes on a rampage. Can the child destroy what he created before the malevolent snow beast goes too far?

The Output: This cartoon is all over the place and is one of the absolute best holiday shorts RiffTrax has commented on. So much crazy shit is compressed into this package. Snowman buttcracks? Check. Jimmy Durante impressions? Check. Penguin church? Check. I won’t even spoil how the snowman is defeated other than saying that it’s completely ridiculous and makes zero sense.

Still, it’s better than that Snowman movie with Harry Hole getting all the clues.

The post RiffTrax: A Guide to Christmas and Holiday Episodes appeared first on Den of Geek.

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Satisfied?

We examine what Letterboxd reviews of Hamilton reveal about the musical’s cultural currency in 2020.

In this absolutely insane year, when our love of movies feels helpless in the face of pandemic-induced economic collapse, some extremely good decisions are being made on behalf of audiences. Studio Ghibli on streaming platforms. Virtual screenings to support art house cinemas. Free streaming of many important films about Black experience. And: Disney+ releasing the filmed version of Hamilton: An American Musical—recorded at the Richard Rodgers Theater in 2016 with most of its original Broadway cast—a year ahead of schedule, on Independence Day weekend.

“Superlative pop art,” writes Wesley of the filmed musical. “Hamilton wears its influences and themes on its sleeve, and it’s all the better for it. Lin-Manuel Miranda and his team employ an unlikely cocktail of not only hip-hop and showtunes, but also jazz (‘What’d I Miss?’), British-Invasion pop-rock (‘You’ll Be Back’), folk music (‘Dear Theodosia’) and Shakespeare (‘Take a Break’) in service of developing an impressively vast array of themes. This is a testament to the power of writing, an immigrant narrative, a cautionary tale about ambition, a tragic family drama, and a reevaluation of who decides the narrative of history.”

2016 may only be a half-decade ago, but it feels like an eon in American political years. With theaters dark and America’s long record of racism under urgent scrutiny, the complex smash-hit lands back in the spotlight at an interesting time. Is Hamilton “the most offensive cultural artefact of the last decade”, as Lee writes? Or “timeless and wholly of the moment”, as Tom suggests? The answer, according to a deep read of your Letterboxd reviews, is “all of the above”.

First things first: why now?

Sophie has a theory:

“Disney executive: Hey we’re losing a lot of money because our parks are closed. How do we start making money again?

Other Disney executive: It might be nice, it might be nice… to get Hamilton on our side.”

Sure, business. Still, it’s historically unprecedented that a Broadway show of this caliber (a record-setting sixteen Tony nominations, eleven wins, plus a Grammy and a Pulitzer) would be filmed and released to the public while it’s still, in a Covid-free universe, capable of filling theaters every night. Will people stay away when Broadway reopens because they’re all Disney+’d out?

No chance, reckons Erika. “I’d still kill to see Hamilton live with any cast… I get why producers are afraid that these videos might hurt ticket sales, but I’m fucking ready to buy a ticket and fly to NY one day just to see as many shows as I can after watching this.”

Not every musical fan has the resources to travel, often waiting years for a touring version to come near their hometown. And even if you do live in a town with Hamilton, the ticket price is beyond many; a daily lottery the only way some of us get to go. So Holly-Beth speaks for many when she writes: “I entered the Hamilton lottery every day for almost two years but I never got to be in the room where it happens… however, this 4K recording of the original cast will do very nicely for now! Finally getting to see the context and performances after obsessing over the music for years was so, so satisfying.”

“Finally” is a common theme. Sydnie writes, “I love this musical with every fiber of my body and it was an extraordinary experience finally getting to watch it in Australia”. Flogic: “To finally be able to put the intended visuals to a soundtrack that I’ve had on repeat for such a long time: goosebumps for 160 minutes.” Newt Potter: “Now I fully understand people’s love for this masterpiece of a musical!”

I’ve got a small query for you.

Where’s the motherfucking swearing? Unsurprisingly, Disney+ comes with some limitations. For Hamilton, it’s the loss of a perfectly placed F-word.

“I know Disney is ‘too pure’ to let a couple of ‘fucks’ slip by,” writes Fernando, “but come on, it’s kind of distracting having the sound go out completely when they sing the very satisfying ‘Southern Motherfucking Democratic Republicans!’ line.”

Will agrees: “Disney cutting ‘motherfucking’ from ‘Washington on Your Side’ felt like sacrilege akin to Mickey Mouse taking an eyebrow pencil to the Mona Lisa.”

Nevertheless, sings Allison:

“Even tho Disney stripped the story of its f***s, Don’t think for a moment that it sucks.”

(Yes, she has a vegan alert for Hamilton.)

Does it throw away its shot?

The crew filmed two regular shows in front of live audiences, with additional audience-less sessions for a dolly, crane and Steadicam to capture specific numbers. The vast majority of you are satisfied. “It’s the most engaging and expertly crafted life filming I’ve seen since Stop Making Sense,” writes ArtPig. “The film does an incredible job of placing you right in the action. It feels like the best seat you could get in the theater. You can see the sweat and spit.”

“Translates perfectly onto the small screen,” agrees Ollie. “There’s a level of intimacy that feels hard to replicate in any other filmed production. We see those close ups, the passion and gusto behind every actor’s performance.”

“Shockingly cinematic for something filmed on such a small stage,” is Technerd’s succinct summary, while Paul praises director Thomas Kail: “He knows when to back away along with moving nearer when appropriate, and the choices always serve to govern the power and stamina of the performances.”

Though cast members’ voices were recorded on individual audio tracks, Noah had a few quibbles with the sound quality. “Some of the audio capture is off in the recording, sometimes voices being too soft or too loud. It’s not immersion breaking, but it is noticeable enough to irk me a little in pivotal moments. Some of the shot composition doesn’t fully work either. Of course nothing is going to be as good as seeing it in person.”

Robert, recalling another recent cinematic escapade of musical theater, lets his poetry do the talking:

“This will do for now until the true movie’s made, Though if Hooper directs, there’ll be an angry tirade.”

I think your pants look hot.

Hamilton fans have their cast favorites, but something about being able to see Jonathan Groff’s spittle and Leslie Odom Jr’s scowls in 4K has you losing it all over again. Several specific shout-outs we enjoyed:

“Daveed Diggs the Legend! Go watch Blindspotting (2018), it’s one of the best movies ever!” —Kyle

“It’s hard to believe anyone will ever top Leslie Odom Jr. as Aaron Burr. I already loved him from the original cast recording, but seeing his full performance in all its glory was just godly.” —Erika

“Thankful that it was made possible for me to view with such clarity the phenomenon that is Renée Elise Goldsberry and spectacular Phillipa Soo.” —Thea

“Daveed Diggs was electrifying and Jonathan Groff was absolutely hilarious. If they interacted together the stage would’ve combusted from the sheer will of their talent.” —Nick

This is not a game.

On one hand, the release of Hamilton is sweet relief for music theater nerds riding out the pandemic. A generation of kids knows every word by heart, rapping (this version of) American history like it’s no thing. On the other, the Obama-era musical already feels behind-the-times, even for many Hamilton lovers, and the filmed version has brought that into sharp focus.

“I listened to the OG cast album about 50 times when it came out, the production is about as good as I’d always hoped,” writes Josh. “Since then however there’s been a very important and broader reckoning with the failures of neoliberalism and the Obama years ([from] which this has to be the most emblematic piece of art) and for me personally a drifting further to the left that has resulted in a very different relationship with the material. So my feelings today are a bit more complicated.”

“Hamilton is extremely non-committal about its politics,” writes Sting. “It doesn’t examine much of what Hamilton dictated besides ‘he wants complete financial control of the country’ (which would sound like a fucking supervillain in any other context, including reality).”

That lack of political commitment, reckons Morgan, is what helped Hamilton as a musical become so popular: “It’s fun. It’s catchy. It interweaves trendy and socially relevant artistic tools to infer a subversive subtext, while simultaneously sanitizing and, at times, flat out fabricating the historical narrative and downplaying the brutality of the true origin story, for the sake of appeasing those in power. Classic Bill Shakespeare stuff.”

History has its eyes on you.

Much criticism lies with the fundamental storytelling decision to make a modern ruckus about America’s Founding Fathers, the men (including Alexander Hamilton) who in the late eighteenth century united the thirteen colonies and co-wrote the Constitution. Undisputed titans of history, they also have blood on their hands, and HoneyRose writes that the musical “glorifies these men, and paints them as self-sacrificing heroes, and honestly normalizes and validates slavery, as well as the behavior of slave owners.”

Stevie, who saw the Broadway production as well as the filmed version, confesses: “I’ve tried (I’ve really tried) to understand what makes people lose their minds over this but I’m still completely baffled by the hype… These were horrible men and a romanticism of them through song and dance just seems entirely misguided.”

Sean is not convinced that Hamilton is a hagiography. “I can’t imagine anyone watching all of this and thinking it paints a portrait of the Founding Fathers as anything other than childish, greedy, venal and self-aggrandizing.” Wesley agrees: “I don’t think Hamilton is trying to be a history lesson, so much as a lesson about how we think about history. It’s a compelling human story told in a revolutionary way.”

That “revolutionary way” is the musical’s central conceit: that of a cast-of-color playing the white founding fathers as they bumble towards independence. Journalist Jamelle Bouie, who regards the musical as “fun, exciting, innovative and, at points, genuinely moving,” wrestles with the “celebratory narrative in which the Framers are men to admire without reservation. Through its casting, it invites audiences of color to take ownership of that narrative, as if they should want to take ownership of a narrative that white-washes the history of the revolution under the guise of inclusion.”

It’s complicated for Matt, too: “It’s widely agreed upon that the show encapsulates the Obama era better than anything, how it coddles white liberals with a post-racial vision of history in a superficial sense, overlooking the insidious and oppressive systems that they benefit from (hearing the audience clap to ‘Immigrants, we get the job done’ unsettled me). Of course hopefully its legacy will be that it opened up more Broadway roles for POC. But I really think that the show doesn’t make Broadway more appealing and accessible to POC, it just makes hip hop more accessible to white people, a launching pad of course to listening to Watsky or something.

“No hate though to anyone that’s completely in love with this, it’s definitely worth seeing despite any hang ups.”

I wanna build something that’s gonna outlive me.

The story doesn’t end, just because the music does. Kai_Kenn has a suggestion: “I have been a part of discussions that dissect the culture that created Hamilton, as well as the culture that Hamilton created, and whether or not Hamilton appropriately addresses the modern issues [that] the cult following proposes it does.

“This is an ongoing discussion that I am trying to be an active listener in and, if you consider yourself to be a conscientious consumer of art, you should too.”

Noah is on board with that: “Reflecting on the past and focusing on the future are not two mutually exclusive actions. Both are a must, regardless of who you are or what you do. A five-star experience in a four-and-a-half-star film. I think that’s just fine.”

Related content

Want to see more of the key cast? Watch Daveed Diggs in ‘Blindspotting’; Renée Elise Goldsberry in ‘Waves’, Jonathan Groff repeat his role as Kristoff in ‘Frozen 2’, Lin-Manuel Miranda in ‘Mary Poppins Returns’, Leslie Odom Jr. in ‘Harriet’, Phillipa Soo in the forthcoming ‘Broken Hearts Gallery’, Christopher Jackson in the forthcoming ‘In The Heights’, Jasmine Cephas Jones in ‘The Photograph’, Okiereriete Onaodowan in ‘A Quiet Place II’ and Anthony Ramos in ‘Monsters and Men’ and ‘A Star is Born’.

Ways to support the Black Lives Matter movement

Official Black Lives Matter’s Resources

Teenagers that have ‘Hamilton’ stuff on their bedroom walls

Films where they mention ‘Hamilton’

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #450

Top Ten Characters with the Best Star Trek: The Next Generation Episodes

As I’m writing this, it’s officially Star Trek: Discovery day; the first episode of the new season is up on Netflix and ready to watch. Given how little time I manage to find for watching anything that I want to watch, I’m cautiously optimistic that I can get to see it this weekend, but we’ll see; my lovely wife might want to finally catch up with Star Trek: Picard first, which for some reason she never finished. Regardless, I’m excited, and I wanted to write about Star Trek again.

The new Star Trek series have been a bit of a roller coaster, because whilst they’ve both generally been very good, they’ve certainly had their odder and more controversial moments, and neither of them has consistently felt like classic Trek. If I had to be critical, I’d argue that there are plenty of darker adult-tinged sci-fi shows at the moment, including ones set in space, but not that many that follow the day-to-day travails of a starship crew, which as always been Trek’s raison d'être. However, both shows have succeeded in giving us some compelling stories and – especially in the case of Discovery – a fantastic cast of new characters to celebrate. Great characterisation has been the cornerstone of Trek since the beginning, and no doubt one of the reasons why it still resonates to this day, from the “Holy Trinity” of Kirk, McCoy, and Spock, through to the wonderful and insanely empathetic Saru in Discovery and Captain Sexpot Rios in Picard. The fact that we’re now in a new time period, with no established history to try to tie the narrative to, means Discovery 3 is in a great place to give us some great new stories.

Anyway, to celebrate all of this – the new season of Discovery and my overall love of Star Trek characters – I’ve decided to go back to the Next Generation well and talk about just that: characters. TNG famously hit its stride when it started focusing each story through the lens of the different characters on the show, so that we tended to get a “Worf episode” or a “Riker episode”; even the best eps, the biggest and most epic, really had a tendency to hone in on one or two characters specifically, such as the all-time classic “The Best of Both Worlds” really being about Picard and Riker, or “Yesterday’s Enterprise” being a much-belated Tasha Yar episode.

But which characters have the best episodes? That is, if you know an episode is focused on a particular character, how likely is it that it’s going to be a belter? Can you reasonably say one character was better served than another in terms of the quality of “their” episodes? Well, yes. Yes you can. That’s this list. That’s the whole thing.

So this list is basically which characters have the best episodes, or are more likely to. It’s not a list of my favourite characters, or even really a list of the best episodes overall; it’s just, well, who got to chew scenery the most on the bridge, basically. Now, I really feel like I should end this blurb with an appropriate Star Trek quote, but I must have used “Make it so” and “Engage” before, so I’m not sure what else to say.

May the Force be with you, I guess.

Picard: Yes, of course; he’s the star, he’s the stand-out actor of the bunch, he gets the best episodes. If it focuses on the captain, you can rest assured you’re in for a treat. Whether it’s an epic mythology-enhancing saga or – even better – a slower, sadder meditation on life, Picard’s episodes are engaging. Chortle. Also if there’s room for a classic Picard Monologue, all the better; I don’t know if you’ve noticed this about Patrick Stewart, but the guy can chew scenery. Key episodes: The Best of Both Worlds, The Drumhead, The Hidden Light

Worf: Worf’s complex backstory offers a lot of opportunities for great stories, with the caveat that pretty much all of them focus on Klingon history or the contrast between his heritage and his place in Starfleet. Issues of familial loyalty rub up against quasi-Shakespearean dynastic dramas, often with high adventure. You can assume a Worf ep is a good one, despite the fact that quite a few of them are also about Alexander. Key episodes: Sins of the Fathers, Redemption, Birthright

Data: everyone’s second-favourite emotionless nerd on Star Trek, Data’s eps are almost uniformly great, and often poke at what it means to be alive. There may be a bit of ground retrod as we examine the notion of humanity, or sentience, or emotion, but his episodes are always interesting, and often very funny, and Brent Spiner is a continuing delight. Key episodes: The Measure of a Man, The Offspring, Brothers

Q: is it cheating to include a recurring guest star? Maybe, but I don’t care. John de Lancy is just phenomenal as Q, one of the best Trek characters, and so good he became a My Little Pony. He’s arch, he’s hilarious, he can take the show into new directions; he raises questions of fate, or of the concept of divinity; and underneath it all there’s a malevolent streak, a genuine sense of danger exemplified in his first appearance. Pairs very well with Picard, naturally. I didn’t like the Robin Hood episode, though. Key episodes: Deja Q, Encounter at Farpoint, Q Who

Riker: he’s a Kirk-esque horn-dog ragamuffin with a heart of gold and a fist of steel, so there’s always a lot to love when William T. takes the helm (see what I did there?). Often issues of loyalty, or duty versus personal wishes, arise; he’s frequently putting his life on the Enterprise above his career. But he’s also a very moralistic character, so quite often he’ll be trying to do the right thing in tough circumstances. Key episodes: The Pegasus, Future Imperfect, Frame of Mind

Crusher: always a stand-out supporting character, Crusher has some great episodes focused on her too; usually quite a self-righteous sort who puts the immediate moral obligation above her own safety or duty to Starfleet, which raises lots of interesting, thorny questions. She’s a smart cookie, exemplified in the astounding Remember Me; her relationships with her son and with Picard are good to explore too. She also shagged a ghost, but let’s try to forget about that. Key episodes: Remember Me, Attached, Suspicions

Wesley: pigeonholed somewhat unfairly due to a few ropey first-season episodes, Wesley Crusher is actually an interesting character whose stand-out storylines offer a good deal of nuance and intrigue, as well as exciting hi-jinks, insights into the Federation, and – should you go that far – weird magic Jedi stuff. He gets a nice romance with Ashley Judd, we unpeel his relationship with Picard over multiple episodes, and the bloom comes off the rose in spectacular fashion when he gets to Starfleet Academy. Wil Wheaton was a good young actor and was sadly underserved by the show, but at least we get these eps. Key episodes: The Game, Final Mission, The First Duty

Pulaski: say whaaat? Yes, she’s only in the show for five minutes, but Doctor Pulaski gets a few crackers under her belt in that time. A bit like Crusher would later, she often excels when standing up to authority and presenting herself as a moral arbiter. Interestingly, she’s not always right, and it’s a fun dance to watch. She’s also been round the block a bit, adding facets to her relationships with other characters, particularly Riker. And, of course, she flirts with a bunch of polygons when Geordi and Data cock up the Holodeck. Key episodes: Elementary, Dear Data, Unnatural Selection, The Icarus Factor

Troi: sadly suffering in the face of a bunch of soppy romances and storylines involving her mother that are, shall we say, an acquired taste, Troi still gets some good stuff, mostly later in the series’ run. Taking her out of her comfort zone, making her a spy or an investigator, or giving her some proper dramatic meat, works wonders. Also once she was a cake. Key episodes: Face of the Enemy, Eye of the Beholder, Dark Page

LaForge: oh, Geordi. I love Georgi, but he kinda got done dirty a little bit. Always an interesting and dependable secondary character, unfortunately the bulk of his episodes as a primary character tend to revolve around him being a bit of a jerk or a bit of a creep. Obviously the most heinous sin is making a computer program based on a real person and then, well, trying to shag it, but he also has a tendency to be a dick to anyone new in Engineering. He’s even a bit of a dick to Scotty! I sometimes think the writers never quite had a handle on Geordi’s character; is he a young tech genius with poor social skills? Is he supposed to be arrogant? A wannabe lothario who’s just really unlucky? Anyway, like I say, I still love the guy to bits, and LeVar Burton is fantastic, but of all the main ensemble, his are the flakiest solo episodes. That said, the three listed here are all belters. Key episodes: The Next Phase, The Enemy, Relics

Anyway. There we are. I’ve still, as of going “to press”, not watched Discovery season 3, and my wife’s still not watched the end of season 1 of Picard. Any day now…!

[quarantineandchillthings]

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

AHHHH the Vampire Diaries. This show has made my quarantine period so much better. This show took me by surprise. Seeing as TVD finished in 2017, I’m a little late to the party watching it in 2020, but honestly I didn’t think a vampire show was for me seeing as though I wasn’t the biggest fan of Twilight and I honestly thought it would be a little cringey.  Well I was wrong, because this show quickly became one of my favourite teen dramas I have ever watched and all the hype around it made sense. I don’t know if it was the INSANELY hot cast or the storylines that had the ability of making me feel absolutely broken. 

The Vampire Diaries starts off as a show about a normal teenager (or so we thought)  Elena Gilbert, who meets a boy Stefan that she instantly has a connection with and his brother Damon, who happen to be Vampires. The thing I love about this show is that it evolves so much from that, even just in the first season. Now I can't possibly go through every storyline that was told in the 8 seasons of the show but I can say that most of them were so brilliant and always kept me watching. Stefan and Damon were two of my absolute favourite characters of course (as I assume they are most peoples) as you got to see their characters go through such a journey with not only Elena but with each other. Although the show focused so much on the love triangle, I enjoyed the storylines so much more when the brothers were working together. One of my favourite scenes has to be in season 6 when Damon comes back from the prison world, and Stefan unexpectedly reunites with his brother. I also absolutely LOVE the other main characters of the show, Caroline and Bonnie (of course there's so many more, but these two were consistently part of the main cast). Caroline is hands down my favourite character, and I think a lot of fans can agree. Although she started out to be an annoying, whiny character, when she turned into a vampire she became the most loveable. Now, Bonnie honestly carried the whole show if you think about it. Through every problem Bonnie always found a solution or at least had a huge part of the solution, not to mention  bringing back so many of the “dead” characters. The Mikaelson family were also such a great addition to the show as well and really making season 2,3 and 4 so entertaining, but I will get into that more in my Originals post! 

Some of my favourite episodes are: 

Season 1 Episode 22: Founders Day - The episode that Kathrine arrives in mystic falls, with the epic scene where she cuts off John's fingers. “Hello John, Goodbye John” has got to be my favourite Kathrine quote ever. 

Season 3 Episode 14: Dangerous Liaisons - This is the episode that the Mikaelson Ball occurs in, which is very iconic. 

Season 6 Episode 21: I’ll Wed You in the Golden Summertime - Jo and Alaric’s wedding is one of the most hectic scenes in the whole series. 

Season 8 Episode 16: I Was Feeling Epic - I’ve never cried so much at a series finale episode like I have with this one. 

Although this show is one of my favourite shows to ever exist there are some things that I would’ve liked to have changed. First and foremost I wish that Enzo had never been killed (especially by Stefan)  😭😭. Bonnie deserved her happily ever after more than anyone else in the show and it sucked to not see her be happy in the end. Although I absolutely loved ‘The Originals’ show, I do wish there were more crossover episodes between the two shows because I loved how the dynamics changed when the Mikealsons joined the Salvatores and company. I also would’ve loved Elena to stay part of the show after season 6. I know this was because of Nina Dobrev's choice to leave the series however her character became less annoying just before she left it, I would've loved to see what would’ve happened if she stayed since she was the main character for the first 6 seasons. A minor change I would’ve enjoyed was to see closure between Jeremy and Bonnie's relationship. I also would’ve loved to see more of Lexi while she was alive, I know we did get a lot of flashbacks, however it would’ve been great to have seen more of her and Stefans friendship before Damon killed her. 😭 

My post about ‘Friends’ discussed diversity in casting, this show could have also featured a bit more diversity. Now, of course Bonnie is of African American descent, however she was the only main cast member who was not caucasion. There were many guest stars, or minor roles who were people of colour, however I believe they could’ve added a bit more diversity to the cast. In saying this, the two spin off series that have come from The Vampire Diaries, ‘The Originals’ and ‘Legacies’, both have a very diverse cast, which is GREAT. A great article I found by Shannon Jeanna (check out her tumblr https://shannon-jeanna.tumblr.com/)  goes into more detail about this matter: https://shannonjeanna.wordpress.com/2015/07/17/the-problematic-treatment-of-people-of-color-on-the-vampire-diaries/

FUN FACTS:

- Steven McQueen who plays Jeremy, Elena's YOUNGER brother, is actually older than Nina Dobrev, who plays Elena 

- All the episode titles of Season 6 were dedicated to 90’s songs, because Bonnie and Damon were trapped in the prison world in the 90s 

- In the book version of The Vampire Diaries by L. J. Smith and J. L. Miller, there were many more supernatural beings, such as angels 

- Paul Wesley and Ian Somerhalder both directed multiple episodes of the later seasons of The Vampire Diaries 

For more fun facts go to this article, written by Angela Stephanou - https://www.telltalesonline.com/14731/20-facts-the-vampire-diaries-sink-teeth-into/

Other projects that the cast of Vampire Diaries are involved in: 

Nina Dobrev: ‘Lucky Day’ - Thriller Film

Ian Somerhalder  - ‘V Wars’ - Netflix Series

Paul Wesley - ‘Tell Me A Story’ - CW Series 

Candice King - Directionally Challenged Podcast with Kayla Ewell 

Kat Graham - ‘Cut Throat City’ - Crime, Drama Film 

Matthew Davis - ‘Legacies’ - CW Series 

Michael Trevino - ‘Rosewell, New Mexico’ - CW Series

Michael Malarkey - ‘Project Blue Book’ - Sci Fi Series 

Zach Roerig - ‘Dare Me’ - Netflix Series

How to keep up the actors and actresses of The Vampire Diaries: 

Nina Dobrev - 

https://www.instagram.com/nina/?hl=en 

https://twitter.com/ninadobrev?lang=en

Ian Somerhalder -

https://www.instagram.com/iansomerhalder/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/iansomerhalder?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

Paul Wesley - 

https://www.instagram.com/paulwesley/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/paulwesley?lang=en

Candice King - 

https://www.instagram.com/candiceking/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/CandiceAccola

Kat Graham - 

https://www.instagram.com/katgraham/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/KatGraham

Matthew Davis - 

https://www.instagram.com/immatthewdavis/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/ImMatthew_Davis

Michael Trevino - 

https://www.instagram.com/michaeltrevino/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/Michael_Trevino

Michael Malarkey - 

https://www.instagram.com/mkmalarkey/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/mkmalarkey

Zach Roerig - 

https://www.instagram.com/zach_roerig/?hl=en

https://twitter.com/zach_roerig?lang=en