#also anatomy of a fall but that’s clear from my posting recently

[asilverspring]

3 & 20 for the movie asks ❣️

3. a foreign language film

only saw it last weekend but toni erdmann! three hour german comedy about father-daughter relationships, the modernization of europe, and sandra hüller giving an insane selfless fearless performance. can’t stop thinking about her making a guy jerk off onto a petit four and then eating it.

20. a film where the vibes are immaculate

now why was my first thought the virgin suicides lol. for real i’m gonna say enough said it’s just such a lovely movie and i love a movie that actually feels set in la, it makes me feel like i’m home. love nicole holofcener always!

[demonophilia]

dni

minors, or no age listed. this is an instant block. have your age plainly listed either in your bio or pinned post.

raceplay, ageplay (dd/lg, md/lb, or any variation on those), detrans/misgendering, sexism/misogyny, sissy/forcefem, beastiality, incest (including step/adopted/fauxcest) , or orientationplay (ex. 'turning' lesbians. fuck off

proana/promia/thinspo/any kind of ed blogs i have an ed and these blogs are INCREDIBLY triggering for me. do not interact with me. i will block you.

scat, vore, inflation etc. nothing wrong with these but i'll most likely block if theyre a main focus of our blog. if i follow first, this doesnt apply!

any "icky x" shit. generally falls under the ageplay or incest umbrella, but i wanted to make sure i was clear. if i see any variation on those tags on your post, i will block.

chasers please just be normal LMAO

boundaries

do not ask about my private life/ask for my sfw blog. again, this is only if we aren't friends/close. i might post abt it in vague terms and its fine to ask abt minor things (how was your day etc) but dont pry. i am literally a porn blog im on here to get people off LMAO im not that interesting

if i say no or say to stop, stop. this should be obvious. if i say no, i mean no. this includes if im being dominant. if you repeatedly disrespect a boundary ive set, i will block you. if you arent clear on a boundary, ask!

more info under the cut ⬇️

about

hii im connor :] i use it/its, he/him, and she/her pronouns. i'm bisexual + bigender (tme, and i have a cunt), and i'm fine with both feminine and masculine petnames (see petnames section below :]) i'm a vers and a switch, though recently i've been heavily sub leaning. feel free to send me dom-focused asks, i just can't guarantee i'll get to them too quickly!

i love getting asks, especially sexual ones (obviously). just be certain that youre respecting my boundaries! i understand slip-ups, but try your best to "respect" me (obviously disrespect me lmao but yk what i mean). if you'd like to use an emoji for your asks, lmk and i'll tag the answers with that emoji :]

the terms i use for my anatomy are fairly loose, but do not use the term "bonus hole" or any variation to refer to my cunt. boypussy is fine, but i don't really find it very sexy LMAO. also, i call my clit a cock or tdick. it's fine to use clit for it, but i prefer the other 2.

petnames

i looove petnames :] feel free to use any of these (unless i specify otherwise), id honestly prefer you using these over my actual name LMAO.

angel, baby, darling, etc. these aren't sexual, but feel free to use them! i find them cute :]

toy/doll/fucktoy/thing etc. i love being objectified/dehumanized so these are always a good bet LOL

puppy, dog, pet, mutt, kitten, kitty, etc. bonus points for "bad dog" which makes me crazy in my head

good boy/girl/toy etc.

slut/whore/cumdump etc. i love most degrading names, lol. go wild with these, if i don't like one i'll lyk :]

sir/miss. when i am domming, these are generally the titles i prefer. feel free to try others though! (aside from daddy/mommy.)

go wild! the ones above are some of my favorites/the ones that immediately came to mind, but feel free to try other ones :] like i said if i don't like it i'll just lyk, no harm done!

kinks

i should note that i enjoy all my kinks from both directions, whether im dom or sub :] due to my frequently subby nature some of these descriptions are worded in terms of Me being the sub but i love them when im domming also basically.

praise i adoree being praised... generally i prefer it mixed in with degradation ^_^ tell me if im doing a good job, making you happy, etc! i also love praise when im domming please lmk if youre enjoying yourself i like knowing im getting people off :]

degradation another favorite ^_^ as ive mentioned, i love being dehumanized and sexualized. call me stupid, useless, etc. aside from words, i do enjoy being made to do degrading tasks <3 Also idk where to put this but i lovee spit spit in my mouth spit on me Whatever

painplay hitting, slapping, choking, biting etc are some of my favorites. i also enjoy knifeplay and gunplay. anything that will leave bruises/marks will make me wet <3

somno/intox i enjoy both of these, but i am very picky about them, and i'd probably won't talk about them a lot because of how picky i am.

monsterfucking vampires werewolves angels demons tentacles etc etc etc i go crazy for them . i do want to do unspeakable things to a service top werewolf this is true.

petplay i should note that i'm fairly picky about petplay as well! i mainly prefer the petnames, collars/leashes, etc. i don't enjoy anything about cages or being made to bark (though i don't mind phrases like "puppies don't talk" and stuff like that)

bondage, gags, handcuffs etc. pleasee tie me up and tell me what you'd do to me <3 i have an oral fixation so any use of my mouth is very appreciated <3

breeding I LOOOOOVE BREEDING im crazy abt it. if you threaten to knock me up i Will beg for it lol. i don't really care abt any actual pregnancy details, aside from future hypotheticals (youre gonna be so big, im gonna fuck another baby into you after, etc)

exhibitionism/voyeurism if i didnt get off on ppl looking at me i wouldnt have made this blog love and light .

this list is nonexhaustive! i like a lot of kinks, so feel free to bring up any you think i'd like, so long as they aren't on my dni or anything. worst case scenario i just won't like them and i'll lyk LOL.

MISC

mutuals feel free to dm me if you'd like ;] i tend not to initiate bc i have a hard time telling when its normal to reach out LOL, so if you want to talk to me, please do! everyone else can talk to me through the ask box!! once again, Please sexualize me (why would i make this blog if i didnt wanna be sexualized lmao) but respect my boundaries <3

related to above, but if you get off to my posts/thinking of me, id love to know :] i loveee getting ppl off so <3 and if im feeling dommy i might tease you abt it LOL

i do my best to tag specific kinks for navigation (and to tag hard kinks with tw (kink)) but i might slip up/forget! if you notice an issue with the tags, feel free to lmk and ill get that fixed :]

also i should note i am bisexual bigender, so im fine being rbed with both wlw/nb and mlm/nb tags ! lmk if youre uncomfortable with me interacting with yr content in any way 👍

ty for reading this whole long thing :D i tend to ramble a lot lol... i don't rly have anything to give you for reading it all buttttt feel free 2 like if youve read all this also youre my favorite and you can do whatever you want to me (joke (or is it!?))

[haroldgross]

New Post has been published on Harold Gross: The 5a.m. Critic

New Post has been published on https://literaryends.com/hgblog/oscars-2024-final-call-2/

Oscars 2024 (final call)

What a great year for film. Surprise after surprise, despite the various delays and strikes and controversies. The breadth of the subject matter, the quality of the performances, the brilliance of the execution, the intelligence and  emotional impact of the writing is truly exciting.

Admittedly not all of the films had all of these things. And only one can win in each category. And, yes, some of this will come down to industry politics as it does in all awards situations, but the stack to choose from is high enough quality that we shouldn’t be dealing with any feelings of betrayal, only disappointment for our own selections. And, yes, I’m preparing for my own on that front.

Also, I’m going on the record with my picks and predictions, as has become my habit. If nothing else, it helps keep me honest with myself! As usual, I’ll follow up with the results and my hit-rate.

Actor in a Leading Role

Bradley Cooper (Maestro) Colman Domingo (Rustin) Paul Giamatti (The Holdovers) Cillian Murphy (Oppenheimer) Jeffrey Wright (American Fiction)

This category was locked for a while, and then came Giamatti with The Holdovers. It’s a great performance, perhaps his best. And Giamatti is a likeable guy as a surprisingly likeable character in a film full of nostalgia. For a while it looked like he might overtake Murphy, but the final big awards going to Murphy suggest that isn’t a possibility. If there is an unexpected announcement I wouldn’t be upset, but I’d be surprised. And, honestly, I think Murphy’s Oppenheimer has much more road to travel and with much greater challenges.

My choice: Cillian Murphy Likely winner: Cillian Murphy

Actress in a Leading Role

Annette Bening (Nyad) Lily Gladstone (Killers of the Flower Moon) Sandra Hüller (Anatomy of a Fall) Carey Mulligan (Maestro) Emma Stone (Poor Things)

Another packed category, to say the least. Bening’s Nyad is really amazing, but she’s a hard character to bond with. You cheer her on, but she isn’t very likeable, which doesn’t help in awards season. Hüller and Mulligan are also both fabulous in their respective roles. But this category has been a Stone vs. Gladstone battle from near the start. Frankly, I think Stone is the more complex and interesting and effective performance. But Gladstone does huge work with near silence at times, which is no small feat. It has been a toss up until recently. At this point, I think Gladstone walks away with the statuette. It is certainly earned, but it isn’t my pick.

My choice: Emma Stone Likely winner: Lily Gladstone

Actor in a Supporting Role

Sterling K. Brown (American Fiction) Robert De Niro (Killers of the Flower Moon) Robert Downey Jr. (Oppenheimer) Ryan Gosling (Barbie) Mark Ruffalo (Poor Things)

This was an easy category. Brown is the only contender that made me pause. Gosling was fine, but it wasn’t a brilliant performance so much as a fun one. Downey’s work was layered and twisted and believable and flooring. He is the unspoken spine of the movie in many ways that don’t become clear till near the end. And while much credit goes to Nolan on that, a good deal is at Downey’s feet as well.

My choice: Robert Downey Jr.  Likely winner: Robert Downey Jr.

Actress in a Supporting Role

Emily Blunt (Oppenheimer) Danielle Brooks (The Color Purple) America Ferrera (Barbie) Jodie Foster (Nyad) Da’Vine Joy Randolph (The Holdovers)

This has been Randolph’s from the start. As good as the rest were, Randolph owned that screen and lifted the story in ways that the others didn’t get the chance to do.

My choice: Da’Vine Joy Randolph Likely winner: Da’Vine Joy Randolph

Directing

Jonathan Glazer (The Zone of Interest) Yorgos Lanthimos (Poor Things) Christopher Nolan (Oppenheimer) Martin Scorsese (Killers of the Flower Moon) Justine Triet (Anatomy of a Fall)

Directors had quite a range of movies in style and topic this year. But anyone who can make a 3 hour movie that is mostly talking about physics, philosophy, and politics fly by in a tense and entertaining way has my vote. I say this having loved most of the rest. I think Lanthimos and Scorsese underdelivered in some ways, but Triet’s effort was brilliant…and absent Oppenheimer I may well have voted for her. But Nolan’s the far favorite here and well earned.

My choice: Christopher Nolan Likely winner: Christopher Nolan

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

“American Fiction” — Cord Jefferson “Barbie” — Greta Gerwig, Noah Baumbach “Oppenheimer” — Christopher Nolan “Poor Things” — Tony McNamara “The Zone of Interest” — Jonathan Glazer

Of course the big controversy here is Barbie. There just is no real justification for it being forced into this category. It would have been its consolation prize, and may still be. But, honestly, it just doesn’t have the same amount of meat on the bones as the others and, in an honest world, it doesn’t have a chance. But it still may upset. Of the remaining, I’m leaning toward Oppenheimer again. Poor Things is great, but imperfect (and probably too odd for the Academy). And American Fiction is satire in a way that also slaps some of the hands that must vote for it. But it does have an edge having secured the BAFTA, and folks want to give it something. But I’m betting on the Oppenheimer wave.

My choice: Oppenheimer  Likely winner: Oppenheimer

Writing (Original Screenplay)

“Anatomy of a Fall” — Justine Triet, Arthur Harari “The Holdovers” — David Hemingson “Maestro” — Bradley Cooper, Josh Singer “May December” — Samy Burch, Alex Mechanik “Past Lives” — Celine Song

This is one of the tougher categories. I don’t think Maestro or May December deserve the honors here. But the remaining three are all impressive. However, since we’re forced to pick one, the question comes down to whether Holdovers or Anatomy get it because they couldn’t pick up other rewards. Certainly, the smart money is on one of those two. To my mind, however, Past Lives is the best script overall, though Anatomy really is a close second and may just get it.

My choice: Past Lives Likely winner: Anatomy of a Fall

Best Picture

American Fiction Anatomy of a Fall Barbie The Holdovers Killers of the Flower Moon Maestro Oppenheimer Past Lives Poor Things The Zone of Interest

Honestly, there is no perfect answer for this category. Past Lives is one of the quietest, sweetest movies I’ve seen in a long time. It reminded me of The Farewell in that, but with much more control. Anatomy of a Fall is unexpectedly gripping, despite being a tale told in a very clinical way. Killers of the Flower Moon is an important story lost to most classrooms, and it is laid out with massive talent and scope. Poor Things is a wild fantasy with a sledgehammer of a point. American Fiction is clever and delivered wonderfully. Barbie, Holdovers, and Maestro likewise. And Zone of Interest, even with its late surge, is also in Best International which is where it is more likely to win.

But purely from an overall craft point of view, accepting that all of these films belong in the category, Oppenheimer has more of the points in the same bucket than any of them, despite some script weaknesses. It grabs you and never lets you go for 3+ hours. There isn’t a weak performance in there. The technical aspects are impeccable (even if you disagree with the booming sound levels, they were done for a reason). It is the best picture of the lot, even if some of the others are ones we’re more likely to come back to more often.

My choice: Oppenheimer Likely winner: Oppenheimer

International Feature Film

Io Capitano, Italy Perfect Days, Japan Society of the Snow, Spain The Teachers’ Lounge, Germany The Zone of Interest, United Kingdom

I was very frustrated this year by not being able to see most of the nominees in this category. Given the chatter, however, I think the likely winner, for sheer audacity if nothing else, is Zone of Interest. Also, it’s a way to give Hueller her due since Anatomy of a Fall isn’t likely to pick up much. Zone has multiple nominations and, other than sound, isn’t likely to win any of them either. But it speaks to its level of quality.

My choice: The Zone of Interest Likely winner: The Zone of Interest

Animated Feature Film

The Boy and the Heron Elemental Nimona Robot Dreams Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

What a fabulous range of flicks, though as of the ceremony I’ll only have seen trailers of two of them. Spider-Man continues to wow audiences and awards (like the Annies). It is the smart choice. But Boy and the Heron may well pick it up for the sentimentality and farewell to Miyazaki…but how many times can you cry “last film” and have folks believe you?

My choice: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Likely winner: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Documentary Feature Film

Bobi Wine: The People’s President The Eternal Memory Four Daughters To Kill a Tiger 20 Days in Mariupol

Five challenging stories told with skill and emotion. Four Daughters is by far the most inventive, but it has issues as a movie. My guess is that 20 Days will take this. It is topical, ongoing, and brings us all into the story by showing us the expanded view behind the images we all saw during the outbreak of the war in Ukraine. That doesn’t take anything away from the others, but universality and continuing story help it stand out.

My choice: 20 Days in Mariupol Likely winner: 20 Days in Mariupol

Live Action Short Film

The After* Invincible Knight of Fortune* Red, White and Blue The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar*

This may be one of the few areas where the voters will be willing to give Netflix a serious nod. Let’s face it, there just aren’t many venues to produce and show shorts in mainstream media. Not only did Netflix give Anderson a home to show off his work (a collection of several Roald Dahl stories) but financed it. That alone should get them a nod. But the truth is, the result is utterly wonderful. Not that Knight of Fortune isn’t also solid, and should be sought out, but Henry Sugar is packed with production values and story and acting that puts it well above the rest.

[* = was able to see it]

My choice: Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar Likely winner: Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

Documentary Short Film

The ABCs of Book Banning* The Barber of Little Rock* Island in Between* The Last Repair Shop* Nai Nai & Wài Pó*

These are wonderful in their way and should also be seen. Barber for its tale of entrepreneurial success and overcoming systemic racism. Island in Between for its perspective. ABCs for a reverse look at the issues in a way that just might get through. And Nai Nai for its delightful humor (even through the credits) and warmth. But only Last Repair Shop has the scope and range that marks a solid documentary. The connection to music is attached to each person in different ways and with different meanings but with an overall goal that is brought together at the end. It is the richest of the bunch and will brighten any dark day.

[* = was able to see it]

My choice: The Last Repair Shop Likely winner: The Last Repair Shop

Animated Short Film

Letter to a Pig Ninety-Five Senses* Our Uniform Pachyderme War Is Over! Inspired by the Music of John & Yoko

I’ve only managed to catch one of the nominee’s as the ceremony comes around. But from what I’ve read, War is Over is the far favorite, and has a great pedigree in previous nominee Dave Mullins. It also won the Annie earlier this year.

[* = was able to see it]

Likely winner: War Is Over! Inspired by the Music of John & Yoko

Film Editing

Anatomy of a Fall The Holdovers Killers of the Flower Moon Oppenheimer Poor Things

Editing made Oppenheimer. It set the pace and kept multiple time lines straight. It switched visual formats and managed not only not to make a hash of it all, but to be almost invisible and yet still impactful. None of the other films come close, and the Editors guild thought so as well.

My choice: Oppenheimer Likely winner: Oppenheimer

Cinematography

El Conde Killers of the Flower Moon Maestro Oppenheimer Poor Things

While the winner is somewhat a given, El Conde should have given it some run for its money. It is an odd and wonderful film in B&W and uses the screen in wonderful ways. It is almost certainly the one almost no one will have seen. Let me suggest you should (with the caveat that it is a bit weird and violent). But Oppenheimer takes on all the challenges the other films had and then some.

My choice: Oppenheimer Likely winner: Oppenheimer

Production Design

Barbie Killers of the Flower Moon Napoleon Oppenheimer Poor Things

Of all the nominees, Poor Things has the most interesting, inventive, and widest range of effort. Barbie comes a close second on those points. The other options recreate worlds seamlessly, which is no small feat either. And of those, Oppenheimer had the most challenges with varying time periods and shifting between B&W and color filming. But all that said, this is one of the places Poor Things can win and the will is there as well as the delivery. Oppenheimer may well surprise and continue its sweep, but this is one spot where there is a very worthy competitor that could overcome momentum.

My choice: Poor Things Likely winner: Poor Things

Costume Design

Barbie Killers of the Flower Moon Napoleon Oppenheimer Poor Things

Similar to and related to Production Design, Poor things is the likely awardee. Barbie, however, may get one of its consolation prizes in this category.

My choice: Poor Things Likely winner: Poor Things

Music (Original Score)

American Fiction Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny Killers of the Flower Moon Oppenheimer Poor Things

If there was any movie made by its score this season, it’s Oppenheimer. This was by design. Most of the score was ready before the movie began filming. Nolan knew that it would be a character in the film and it is part of the reason it moves as well as it does from start to finish.

My choice: Oppenheimer Likely winner: Oppenheimer

Music (Original Song)

“The Fire Inside” from Flamin’ Hot “I’m Just Ken” from Barbie It Never Went Away” from American Symphony “Wahzhazhe (A Song For My People)” from Killers of the Flower Moon “What Was I Made For?” from Barbie

Per usual in this category, I don’t really have a favorite or that much invested. But I like Eilish and she’s been picking up earlier awards in the category, so I’m happy enough to go there.

My choice: “What Was I Made For?” Likely winner: “What Was I Made For?”

Makeup and Hairstyling

Golda Maestro Oppenheimer Poor Things Society of the Snow

There are so many good choices here, but Maestro has picked up the awards outside the Academy, so I’m going with that.

My choice: Maestro Likely winner: Maestro

Sound

The Creator Maestro Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One Oppenheimer The Zone of Interest

I’m picking this one on faith and based on many interviews and samples. I haven’t had the chance to catch the film yet. But everything I’ve heard and heard about the film makes it clear that Zone of Interest is the right choice here. Absent that, I would have probably gone with Maestro. As much as I loved Oppenheimer’s sound, the levels were too brutal to reward it to my mind. But it still may surprise.

My choice: The Zone of Interest Likely winner: The Zone of Interest

Visual Effects

The Creator Godzilla Minus One Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One Napoleon

Yes, it’s ironic, but my pick for this one is the one flick in the category I didn’t get to see yet. But from those that have and from all the write-ups, it seems pretty clear. Creator may sweep from behind on this one, but Godzilla has quite the wave in viewers and press pulling for it.

Likely winner: Godzilla Minus One

[oleworm]

Tagged by @yvehattan, @discworldwitches and @fairybumpkin, thank you!

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

Favourite colour: Every time I’m asked this question the answer changes. I don’t think I can have a single favourite colour, rather a set of them, such as the Marian blue used in the Middle Ages as well as the strong yellows and reds that feature so strongly in works reminiscent of that era, if not necessarily created in it.

Currently reading: I’m reading “The Third Reich. A New History” by the historian Michael Burleigh. This was a book I impulsively asked to be bought more than a decade ago but never felt the need to read until now. I have a tendency to buy or ask to be given books that are very long and comprehensive and not deigning to touch them for a very long time, like with “The History of the Peloponnesian War,” which I actually finished recently, and “Anatomy of Melancholy,” the famous 17th century monograph on, well, melancholy.

I’m reading this book now right after “Peloponnesian War” because nazi Germany is a subject of which many of us know the generalities, bits and pieces here and there, but have not taken the time to actually study, and with these turbulent times we are living, I suppose that it is the way in which I cope! Some people read escapist romances to cope, others deep-dive into worst case scenarios. But it is also true that I want to understand. The political landscape is not identical to how it was after the First World War, and how could it be? But it is not insignificant that in certain regions you see some similarities. Economic crisis, middle classes falling into the lower class or fearing that they will be absorbed by it and share their standard of living; scapegoating of foreigners, Jews, the disabled, and other minorities for these economic problems, to a greater or lesser degree.

More disturbing is that extremist groups in certain countries are explicitly emulating the nazis not only in their spirit but in the strategies that they used to come to power. I remember reading an article a couple of years ago that it had been leaked some of them had admitted to it themselves. But it’s different to read an article than to read a whole book about it. The more I learn about this the more I understand how much the far-right is taking from the nazi proselytism playbook, from infiltrating neutral interest groups (remember cottagecore?) to turning everything into a rage-and-panic inducing matter of life or death. That is something that they were doing back then with very clear intention. A difference is that in the early 20th century they had to print these things out and distribute them or talk to people face to face, and with the internet it can be so easy for them as posting or programming bots to share their views.

The next thing I should read ought to be something that may more directly affect me. Something about US imperialism in Latin America, ha!

Last song: “Little Dark Age” by MGMT

Last series: A couple of weeks ago I watched The Sandman up to the third episode, it’s very pretty so far! I was sleep deprived when I watched the second and third, though, so I don’t think that I remember very much!

I’ll have to admit that I don’t watch much television. Before The Sandman the only shows that I remember watching in the past four years or so are The Terror (2018) that I rewatched ten times and never again and Оттепель (The Thaw), a Russian series about Soviet filmmakers in the time of Khrushchev, when attitudes to censorship became more relaxed. The main character was such a piece of shit! How shit he was impacted me until now. I’m still mad that such a man exists even in the mind of the writers, though it is worse that many like him exist in real life. I was intrigued by the drama of the other characters, but by God. The show was good and I enjoyed it, but it was instrumental in the choice I've actively made since then not to give my time to media that gives too much prominence to abusive straight men. My friend sometimes reads to me from Reddit relationship advice threads and it’s sad and cringe that men like this are still alive and that women can’t seem to let them go. Perhaps it’s inappropriate to see it this way when I know it’s because of patriarchy and abuse, but I don’t want to see something that in real life is so horrifying in what is supposed to be fun.

I realise it is the opposite of the reason I gave to the previous question about why I engage with certain material. Do I contradict myself? I suppose it is that I feel relatively safe from one thing, and with the other, I feel that I have to prepare myself in some way, though there are others that know a lot more than me and feel just as powerless.

Last movie: I don’t watch many movies. I don’t remember, sorry!

Sweet/savoury/spicy: All three! Together.

Currently working on: I’m writing a novel with my friend, which I won’t elaborate on because if I do my mind will take it as a sign that it is finished; I’m also working on a couple of other stories, though not they’re not as important to me as the first one. I’ve also been teaching myself Javascript and doing coding exercises daily; bracing myself to do this type of work in exchange for currency, ha. The social aspect is always more frightening to me than the actual work. There are a couple of important things that I need to research, also. This question reminds me that I need to fold my laundry, study and clean my room... I’m working on becoming stronger, so I guess I must do some weights as well!

Tagging @bacchanalium, @winking-owl ​, @plantpretender, @elbiotipo, @osmanthusoolong, @trying-something-old, @surumarssi, @panikpanikpanik, @lliona if you want to!

[zulivaris]

Art Block tips that helped me

 I’ve recently experienced art block after 3 or so months of overcoming my last one. Thankfully this block only lasted a few days thanks to some things I’ve observed and noted down from the previous time. So I’m sharing these few tips in hopes that it might help someone get unstuck :D!

First and foremost if you’re tired, sad or anxious don’t be surprised that you can’t make art, go and take care of yourself by treating yourself with kindness and patience, the sketchbooks and canvases will wait for you :)

The tips are under here:

Separate art studies from the creative time:  When you do art studies you’re there to focus on specific things, learn and understand how things work so you can apply them later in your art. Studies take a lot of energy and focus and are the opposite of the creative "flow” of making your own pieces. If you combine the two the results are either unfocused studies or stiff drawings. When you sit down at your desk ask yourself “Do I want to learn something new or do I want to create something of my own?”

When you have an idea don’t be afraid of being messy: Let’s say you want to make a picture of several cats kolo dancing in the moonlight. How do you go about doing this? Well since you came up with the idea you already have a vague image in your mind, sketch it out with simple shapes, stick figures, circle and spheres etc Don’t worry about cat anatomy, or the dancer’s moves, sketch out the essence of it. This method removes the need to be perfect or accurate. 

Ok after the messy sketch then what? Well now that you have sketched out the essence of your idea (and hopefully had fun doing so) now you go on to look for references! You put the creative process on pause and you can do a few brief studies if you need to: anatomy, color schemes, values, poses. Pick out a few of your favorites but don't obsess over them, they are a guide, a tool.

You know much more than you think. You’ve probably been drawing for a few years now. You’ve probably done some studies and drawn more than one type of subject. Then you have already internalized some of that information. I used to be obsessed with capturing the minute detail of the subject, and not be able to draw ANYTHING without reference. Instead of a useful tool, references became another obstacle to my creativity. That’s perfectionism my friend, and that’s no good. Here is an exercise a good friend of mine offered: Draw a few characters, animals and objects from imagination. Make sure that the subjects have no personal value to you (no ocs for example) so that if you make a mistake you won’t feel bad about it. Make the process relaxed and comfortable, pour a nice cup of joe, listen to your favorite music ... You will notice that you do indeed know how to draw some things without reference, and it’ll help with your confidence. 

The more you do studies the more you understand This seems evident but the more you understand your subject the freer you can be and the easier it’ll be to draw it from imagination in the future. If you really struggle with something to the point of frustration (as in you can’t get it right even with reference) It means you have to study it. Have a study list, for example: hands, perspective, color theory etc. And one of those days you want to study pick something from the list, and look for videos on youtube or useful sites like line of action etc. Only study one thing at the time. You can go from studying hands to studying arms since they’re more immediately connected, but you can’t study hands and then jump to learning perspective right after. Trust me you can learn perfectly fine with the resources online, and I’m sure you’re clever enough to do it :D

Mistakes don’t mean you “suck”  I’ve noticed that the two most common causes for art block are perfectionism and lack of self-confidence.  The two can often go in tandem which is worse :’D But let me remind you of something, you can fix your piece along the whole process. Use erasers, lasso tools, liquify , select, paint it all over etc If something looks off to you then you also know deep inside how to fix it. Useful ways to see what clunks: flip canvas horizontally (helps with placement, proportions), turn the image to grayscale (helps to check values and where your eye tends to look), look at your image in thumbnail size and ask yourself if it’s clear, see the pose’s silhouette and ask yourself if you can tell what the character is doing etc. Don’t fret, everything can always be fixed :)

Perfectionism, sometimes it stops you before you begin Perfectionism causes you to overwork a piece, it makes you draw less, it makes art stressful, it brings insecurity. Let’s remove it with a simple exercise. It can be combined with the “draw things from imagination” once you’ve drawn something you like: dont do line art, don’t shade it, keep it as simple and crude as possible and then...post it. Yes, post it. You’re not at your best? You’re only human, this will help you embrace that very human side of you. You make mistakes. So what? The more mistakes you make the more you know what you need to study and the better at art you become. Mistakes are there to show us what we need to learn. See them as another tool and not a sign of failure.

Make the process as enjoyable as possible: You like art. You love drawing. Never forget this. Otherwise why are you drawing if you don’t enjoy it? It’s easy to fall prey to the mentality of those relatable memes that “art= suffering” or “I can’t even draw the other eye”. No no no my friends, these messages are fueling your insecurities instead of overcoming them. Let me tell you what, art is fun. It is. Art is fun, because I decided to make it fun again. And you should decide on that too. Personally I adore lineart but my hand-eye coordination is lacking to do it digitally, so....I just skipped it. Yes. I skipped it. I do the sketch, I clean it up a bit and then jump onto color which I adore. It allowed me to draw more and more freely. When I draw I listen to music, make strokes with the rhythm, I take breaks often and I drink my favorite iced teas. If you don’t like coloring do it in grayscale, if you love lineart then do that etc It doesn’t mean you won’t learn your weak points in the future with studies and practice, but you won’t let your weaknesses prevent you from drawing at all. No no, you won’t let them. You draw because you want to, despite of them.

Don’t wait for inspiration, provoke it  Inspiration is not a divine and capricious muse. You make inspiration. It’s easy just collect all the things you like, music, artists, objects, characters, animals, patterns, plants etc Make boards on pinterest or similar sites, combine things you like. You like suits? You like birds? You can draw a bird in a suit, or a bird-inspired suit design, there is frankly a lot of ideas that can spring up from little things like these.

When a project stops being enjoyable either pause it for now or move on to the next thing. Pieces aren’t precious. They’re not “the one time I got x right” they are one of many. This advice goes mainly to hobbyists who can afford the luxury of passing to a new project. I have a WIP of a character who is overly complicated (I enjoy a challenge from time to time) sitting for half a month. I sometimes come back to it and add something... but as soon as it starts to create discomfort and insecurity instead of enjoyment I move onto something else. In the meantime I created 3 or 4 new pieces. If I had waited on finishing that piece I would have been severely creatively and physically exhausted. The art comes from you, not inspiration. The more art you make the better you become.

That’s about it :D I know it’s long but I prefer to be thorough and cover all the possibilities. If you have read of this: Thank you so much I hope this helps you at least a bit, if it helps only 1 other person I’d still be very happy. Have a nice one, and kick art block’s butt!

[motherjoel]

hostile (spencer reid x fem!reader)

summary: after months of trying to get pregnant and a miscarriage, you finally succeed. will you get the chance to tell spencer this time?

a/n: this is my first oneshot in a veryyyy long time so im sorry if im a little rusty! trying to get back into it :) also i know very little about pregnancy so forgive me! (i got the hostile uterus part from greys anatomy lmao)

wc: 2.3k

warnings/includes: lotsa fluff, angst if you squint, criminal minds stuff, pregnancy, miscarriage

-

“Spence, were you even listening in there? I have a hostile uterus. Not only am I feeling incredibly hostile right now, but my uterus?” you yelled as Spencer guided you to your car.

“All I’m suggesting is that we keep trying, Y/N. And I’ve already done plenty of research on adoption and surrogacy, did you know that 140,000 children are adopted by American families each year?” he asked, opening the passengers side door for you and running around to hop in the driver's seat. “And there's always in vitro fertilization,” he suggested as he reached to shut his door and start the car. 

“Of course you wanna keep trying Spence, all you have to do is stick it in and thrust,” you huffed as he winced at your harsh wording, grabbing your hand over the center console. “I’m the one taking hormone shots in my ass and drinking less than 5 cups of coffee a day,” you complained about your attempts at increasing fertility. “Who knew a miscarriage would be the thing to get me to cut down on caffeine.”

Spencer was silent as he drove back to your shared apartment, both of your minds on your struggles to get pregnant in the past year. You thought back to your miscarriage and the impact it had on you both- it had only been a few months since you and Spencer became official. It was new, and this pregnancy was unplanned to say the least. Not telling Spencer about it was the only solution you could think of at the time- until it was too late. 

You remembered the feeling in your chest, your entire body running cold after being tackled by an unsub. You hadn’t told anyone of your pregnancy, not even Spencer, but as the blood ran down your legs it was pretty clear what had just happened. Derek dragged the unsub away in handcuffs as you sat in the open back of the ambulance, a paramedic wrapping your wrist. You barely remembered JJ’s look of pity or Rossi’s concerned gaze. The only thing you remembered was the pale face of your boyfriend as you had been lying on the ground moments before trying to hide the blood. He eventually made his way over to sit next to you after a few minutes of stunned silence.

“Hey, Spence,” you whispered as he sat next to you, the paramedic finishing up and walking away.

“How long?” He looked at your stomach, fidgeting with his hands in his lap.

“Three, um, three months,” you fiddled with the bandage on your wrist.

“And you didn’t… you didn’t think to tell me?” he asked, eyes welling up as he finally made eye contact.

“I’m so sorry Spencer, I just, we never talked about kids before and we haven’t been together for too long… I just needed time. To think.”

He nodded and swallowed thickly before softy taking your hand in his, running his finger over the fabric of your bandage.

“You never have to hide something like this from me, y/n. We’re in this together and... not to be um, too forward, but I love you,” he confessed. You knew you loved him, but neither of you had dared say it. “I love you now and I always will, so you can trust me with this kind of thing.”

Since that day, the two of you had only gotten closer. Now, a year into your marriage, you were actively trying. And after months of trying to no avail, a trip to the obstetrician was called for- the obstetrician who called your uterus hostile, which was likely the reason for your first miscarriage. You could barely fall asleep for a few weeks after your obstetrician appointment, which made this early morning case call all the more difficult. The two of you dragged yourselves out of bed and began your morning routine of getting dressed and making coffee, moving in sync with each other as you prepared for the day. It was a quick drive into the office and before you knew it you were sitting in a room full of your coworkers looking at pictures of human remains. 

“Four men killed in Ohio in the past month, each left with a note written in the same handwriting,” Penelope says as you all look at the case file. You normally had an iron stomach- in the BAU, queasiness wasn’t an option. But for the first time in your career, your face turned green at the pictures of dead bodies.

“It says here that they are all men in long-term relationships?” Emily asks.

“Correction: Were in long-term relationships. Right before they died, it was reported that they left their girlfriends,” Garcia explained.

“That’s important for the victimology, but there has to be something more to set off the unsub,” Spencer commented.

“Yeah, I bet that there was a common reason for them leaving,” you suggested, closing the case file and averting your gaze from the pictures.

“We’ll discuss more on the jet. Wheels up in twenty,” said Hotch.

You all gathered your things and began to leave for the jet, Spencer walking in stride with you.

“You know what, Spence, I’m actually gonna run across the street and grab some tampons before we go, I think i'm gonna need em,” you said. “Go on ahead without me.”

“Are you sure? I can just come with you,” he offered.

“No, no, go brainstorm with the team. I’ll be right there,” you smiled at him as you parted ways. You were going to the convenience store across the street, but it wasn’t for tampons. Your stomach fluttered as the bell jingled at the entrance. The aisle for pregnancy tests was easy to find, and you were on the jet five minutes later.

“Hey, did you find the, um…” Spencer trailed off as you sat down next to him on the jet. He wasn’t one of those men who got weird about menstruation, but you knew he was avoiding the word “tampon” to save you any embarrassment .

“Yup, I’m good,” you smiled and focused on the team who had now gathered around to further discuss the case.

“So, is there any link between the men yet? There has to be a reason that they were all killed soon after leaving their girlfriends,” JJ mused. You thought back to your past fears and your current situation and something suddenly clicked in your brain.

“Wait…” you picked up the case file. “What if… what if they were pregnant?” you asked, looking up to see furrowed brows. “I mean, the handwriting is feminine, so maybe the unsub is a woman who’s getting revenge on men leaving their pregnant girlfriends?” you concluded.

“I’ll call Garcia. We land in 30, keep looking over the files,” Hotch said before you all sat back down in your respective seats, the outside of your thigh pressed against Spencer’s.

You were trying to think of a good time to take the pregnancy test- you couldn’t do it on the jet, it would be really hard to hide on a plane full of profilers. You decided that the best time to take it would be back at the hotel, but after working for hours you found it hard to focus with the pregnancy test in your bag. Excusing yourself to the bathroom in the local precinct, you snuck the test with you. You locked the door behind you and took the test, trying to control your breathing as you waited for the results. As you waited, you got a text from Morgan telling you that there was new information. The moment you finished reading his text, your alarm beeped. Taking a deep breath, you dared a glance at the stick. With shaky hands, you picked up the test and bit your lip to hold back your yelp of joy at the tiny little +. Shoving the test into your bag, you rushed back to the rest of the team to continue working on the case. You would tell Spencer this time, but you decided it would be best to catch a serial killer first.

Garcia confirmed through the phone that all of the girlfriends were pregnant and shared the same obstetrician who was a single mother with a young child. This seemed to be the perfect profile for an unsub killing men who walked out on their families, but something seemed off to you. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but something was bugging you about the case. You were on the way to Shelby Meyerson’s, the obstetricians house, with Morgan and Spencer when Garcia called.

“Whats up baby girl,” Morgan answered, one hand on the wheel.

“So I’ve been doing some digging and it turns out that Shelby actually has a boyfriend, Andrew. Recent social media posts show that they started dating a little over a month ago, and it looks like Andrew grew up without a father” she said.

“Right before the killings started,” you looked at Spencer from the back seat.

“Garcia, send his address,” Spencer spoke into the speaker.

“Already on it my loves,” Garcia replied, and you could hear the clacking of her keyboard as she hit send. You looked at the address in your phone.

“Morgan, that's right down the street from where we are right now,” you pointed out. The three of you didn’t waste any time getting there. You hopped out of the car and approached the door, hand instinctively resting on your gun.

“FBI, open up,” you said, rapping on the door. You waited for a moment, but when nobody answered, Derek took matters into his own hands. Within seconds, the door had been kicked down and the three of you spread out around the house, Morgan going upstairs and Spencer going into the basement as you canvassed the ground floor. You took notice of a cup of tea on a coffee table, still warm. Once you cleared the area, you made your way into the basement, gun drawn. Your heart dropped at the sight before you- a man you recognized as missing tied to the radiator in the corner of the room, and your unsub restraining your husband with a gun to his head. You kept your gun pointed at the unsub as you heard Morgan come down the stairs behind you.

“Don’t move!” The unsub, Andrew, yelled. You raised your hands when he pointed his gun at you, dropping your weapon to gain trust.

“Andrew, there’s no way to get out of this, just let him go so we can talk,” you tried to soothe him, his grip on Spencer only tightening.

“No, no, you don’t understand. These men deserve to die for leaving their children, they-they’re terrible people, I’m giving them what they deserve,” he argued, becoming frantic.

“Andrew, if you hurt that agent, you’re just as bad as the men you kill,” you began, taking small steps toward Spencer. “He’s my husband and…” you started, locking eyes with Spencer. “And I’m pregnant with his child,” you confessed. Spencer's eyes went wide, shock overtaking the previous expression of fear. You continued to speak. “If you kill him, you make him leave his child. I know you don’t want that, I know you don’t want someone else to go through what you went through,” you bargained. Thankfully, you seemed to get through to him, as he dropped his gun and collapsed to the ground, his grip on Spencer loosening as Derek moved in to cuff him.

You immediately ran to your husband, throwing your arms around his midsection as he wrapped himself around you, kissing the top of your head and whispering reassurances to you. 

“I was so scared,” you said into his chest, your voice muffled by his kevlar vest. He put his hands on the side of your face and wiped your stray tears, his own falling as he started to smile.

“Were you serious? Are… are we pregnant?” he asked, his hopeful smile spreading wide as ever. You bit your lip and nodded, squealing with joy as he picked you up and twirled you around, not even noticing the rest of the BAU had arrived at the scene.

“Hey, be careful with Y/N! She’s carrying my god child,” Derek smirked as Spencer set you down, his arms still wrapped around your waist. 

“Hold on, why does Morgan get to be the godfather?” Rossi questioned, putting on a mock italian accent, making you all laugh.

“That’s not important, what's important is that we're gonna have a baby genius running around,” JJ smiled as she walked over to hug you both, which turned into a group hug between the entire BAU. You all broke up the hug when Morgan's phone began to ring.

“Yes, baby girl everyone's safe. Actually… Pretty boy and pretty girl have some big news,” he said, putting Garcia on speaker.

“What! Tell me right now, I can't handle this!” she begged. You and Spencer smiled at each other before you began to speak.

“You’re gonna be an aunt,” you said excitedly, receiving the loudest gasp through the phone.

“You mean… you… Spencer… you guys… oh my GOD!” she began to ramble about her excitement as you all laughed, Derek taking the phone off speaker to calm her down.

“Our kid is gonna be so loved,” you smiled, grabbing his hands and standing on your toes to press a kiss on his cheek.

“We got really lucky,” he blushed, pulling you back into another hug, the world around you frozen in that moment.

-

just ask if you wanna be on my taglist! <3

taglist: @rigatonireid​,  @aworldoffandoms, @moonshinerbynight, @averyhotchner, @s1utformgg

[paleozoicproductions]

Reconstructing Gigantopithecus blacki (WIP)

[Overview]

(Coming Soon- Finished Personal Reconstruction of a Gigantopithecus male, in replacement of Skeletal front page which is outdated (refer to Skull Anatomy))

Gigantopithecus blacki (Black's Giant Ape) [von Koenigswald, 1935] is the largest known ape and generally primate to exist, although many mysteries surround it for what it looks like and how it was in life. Some of these aspects of Gigantopithecus require some filling in of details with speculation from what is known and from extant and extinct relatives. For a lot of the things that will be discussed here, there is a lot of room for speculation and other forms of decision.

In this post, we will cover multiple topics in order: Phylogenetics, skeletal anatomy, size, skull anatomy, soft tissue, musculature, posture, mobility, integument, coloration, diet, social behavior, and sexual dimorphism. Most of these sections will be accompanied by charts that represent the topics, reference images, and examples.

[Disclaimer]

As with my Nanuqsaurus post, Gigantopithecus is insanely fragmentary and much of it is open to interpretation. Some of the information here isn’t set in stone since Paleontology is an evolving field with new discoveries. Information may be eventually outdated and updated, though if anything is outdated, wrong, or not clear, feel free to point out these mistakes, this includes citations. This page will be actively updated.

People also have different interpretations of Gigantopithecus reconstructions and this page aims to help describe the core features that Gigantopithecus likely had while toying around with speculative structures, alternate hypotheses, etc in some sections.

Also as of initially publishing this, some things may be somewhat incomplete. Sections regarding the Ecology and Range of Gigantopithecus are for now missing mainly because it isn’t a high priority and some charts might be missing. This will be added later.

[Phylogenetics]

(Phylogenetic Chart(s))

Ponginae (10-15 mya split)

>Gigantopithecus (10.14 mya split, lived 2-0.3 mya)

>>Lufengpithecus (lived 6.2 mya)

>>>Ankarapithecus (lived 5-7 mya)

>>>>Sivapithecus (lived 12.5 to 8.5 mya)

>>>>Pongo

The relationship between Gigantopithecus and other primates regarding how close they are related is one of the important things to think of when reconstructing the ape, as it would be impactful to a degree to take into consideration closely related species. Throughout history, there has been debate where it should be placed. It originally was viewed as a hominid, closer to us than other primates, although that would be disproved (Broom, 1939). What would be found is that Gigantopithecus would fall under the Pongidae family, the lineage that includes the current three species of Orangutan. Ponginae overall has multiple extinct members and clades, Pongini, Sivapithecini, and Lufengpithini. The current findings indicate Gigantopithecus being more basal in the Pongine lineage, closer to Sivapithecus and Lufengpithicus. It is more specifically classified as a basal offshoot in the overall lineage (Zhang & Harrison, 2017).

Because Gigantopithecus is fairly basal in the Ponginae lineage, a lot of traits would be impacted from where it is placed. If it were directly sister to Orangutan with a more recent ancestral split, the “overgrown Orangutan” “paleomeme” would be more fair, although Gigantopithecus is fairly distant from Orangutans. Gorillas split from us the same amount of time ago as Gigantopithecus split from Orangutans (Welker et al., 2019).

“This results in a divergence time of Gigantopithecus–Pongo of 10.14 Mya (4.76-15.79 Mya, 95% HPD interval). The divergence of Gorilla from the Homo/Pan branch is estimated at 8.59 Mya (4.62-13.56 Mya, 95% HPD interval), and the divergence of Homo and Pan at 5.78 Mya (2.64-9.53 Mya, 95% HPD interval). These are largely consistent with, but somewhat younger than, previous estimates52,54, possibly due to a mutation slowdown on these lineages compared to the Pongo lineage, which is not taken into account here. However, they seem in agreement with the fossil record indicating the origin of hominins around 6-8 Mya and the dating of a possible early Gorillini (Chororapithecus) around 7-9 Mya54-58.” (Welker et al., 2019).

Gigantopithecus itself would’ve likely been more derived in its own lineage for how far it lived into the Pleistocene to when it split from the Pongine lineage. What will be covered soon in [Skeletal Anatomy], a lot of the anatomical traits Gigantopithecus had would be different and similar to many extant apes and the phylogenetic classification should be taken into consideration when reconstructing this great ape.

Note - (Welker et al., 2019) is a great source of information regarding the placement of Gigantopithecus and dives into very technical explanations which can’t be easily covered here. Feel free to give the paper a read to understand the actual reasoning behind the placement.

[Skeletal Anatomy]

(Coming soon - Chart of different body interpretations)

One heavily debated aspect of Gigantopithecus is the sort of body structure it possesses. Many reconstructions imply a more Pongine look with the long forelimbs and shortened hindlimbs, while some imply more even and equally proportioned limbs more of a Gorilla. When looking at Gigantopithecus, it is easy to take from the absolute size of the animal, even if you go with lower estimates (covered in the size section), it still outweighs the largest Gorilla species Gorilla beringei graueri (Eastern Lowland Gorilla) in mass at an male adult size of 170 kg. Combined with the fact that the diet of Gigantopithecus includes mainly ground plants (covered in the diet section), there is no doubt that the animal is terrestrial when fully grown (Zhang & Harrison, 2017). Though it being terrestrial would affect the proportions of the limbs and robustness. Arboreal animals tend to have adaptations that allow them to be more suited for their lifestyle. Orangutans spend much of their lives in the trees and have heavily disproportionate limbs, long arms and short legs. While Orangutans may be the closest living relative to Gigantopithecus, it would be overall better to take into consideration Gigantopithecus’ differences from it. Being intensely terrestrial would have arm to leg proportions more similar to a Gorilla. Considerably built and near-equal in length. For actual proportional length to torso for if the limbs were longer or shorter, there as always isn’t a true answer, though it would be most likely for the limbs to be at least the proportions of a Chimpanzee, as Gigantopithecus evolved from insanely arboreal ancestors in the Pongine lineage. The limbs being short proportionately generally wouldn’t do any good for what Gigantopithecus generally ate since it was eating foods that were close to the ground and at head level.

For overall frame such as shoulder and torso width, great apes tend to have large bodies, though they vary in width and proportions. Gorillas have larger and wide shoulders and large hips (Zihlman et al., 2011), while others tend to have narrower shoulders or hips. This correlates to the overall mobility of the animal, as Gorillas are more robust to adapt to their more terrestrial lifestyle and mobility, while Orangutans and Chimpanzees are built the way they are mainly for arboreal adaptations. Gigantopithecus probably had something more in line between a Gorilla and Orangutan build, although likely leaning to Gorillas. Larger shoulders and hips are generally better for a terrestrial lifestyle since there isn’t an evolutionary push for an orangutan build. Though this comes to say that with where Gigantopithecus is placed in classification as covered in [Phylogenetics], it is safe to conclude that while there would be some convergent traits and shared traits between the great apes Gigantopithecus would stand out differently drastically. Most of its anatomy would be adapted for what it ate, what it had to deal with in life, sexual dimorphism, and its terrestrial adaptations. When reconstructed in flesh, Gigantopithecus would be noticeably distinct and this should be done when reconstructing it. While stylistically in a fictional sense creative liberties can be taken if wanted, scientifically it shouldn’t just be an overgrown Orangutan, but inspiration can be taken from Orangutans.

[Size]

(Coming soon - Size Charts of minimum, conservative, maximum sizes)

One of the more controversial topics regarding Gigantopithecus, many options are available for size. Many people tend to downsize Gigantopithecus to an extreme and many people upsize it to an extreme. It is difficult to pinpoint which size Gigantopithecus would’ve had because of the lack of material outside of teeth and mandibles. It depends on the scaling of the mandible to the skull along with the scaling depending on what proportions are being used. Multiple estimates use certain models for either Gorillas or Orangutans in which both drastically differ in frame and will yield different results, though as discussed before, the frame Gigantopithecus would’ve had would be different from both.

The different sizes gathered range from 204 kg (Zhang & Harrison, 2017), 280kg (Zhang & Harrison, 2017), to 300 kg (Fleagle, 2013), Though directly quoted by the 2017 Zhang & Harrison paper, “Without postcranial remains it is simply not possible to obtain a reliable estimate of the body mass for G. blacki, but 200–300 kg does seem like a reasonable guide” (Zhang & Harrison, 2017). The paper goes on to say that the size would restrict any arboreal behaviors as discussed in [Skeletal Anatomy], though reliable size estimations can really only be gathered by postcrania since measurements based off mandibles and teeth can lead to improper results purely because of proportions. It is important to consider proportions of the primate of head to body, limbs to body, etc. A smaller head to body ratio would lead to a much larger primate, while a larger head would lead to a smaller primate, with this being amplified through measurement estimations based off Orangutans and Gorilla skeletons. Alternatively, limb proportions would also change. Longer limbs would mainly change the height of the estimations and only contribute very little to overall mass, though dimensional size is important to consider in some cases, especially for size charts.

“Without postcranial remains it is simply not possible to obtain a reliable estimate of the body mass for G. blacki, but 200–300 kg does seem like a reasonable guide. Such a size (which overlaps with the upper end of the body mass range for extant male gorillas) may have precluded or greatly restricted arboreal behaviors in G. blacki, but once again postcranial remains are needed in order to determine its inferred locomotor repertoire” (Zhang & Harrison, 2017).

[Skull Anatomy]

Disclaimer- This skeletal is slightly out of date, some aspects will soon be changed of it (lineart smoothing, orbit size, side information)

Another debated aspect of Gigantopithecus is the facial and skull structure, mainly the robustness of the skull and the overall skeletal and soft-tissue structure of the entire skull. What is important to consider is the type of diet Gigantopithecus had (which is covered in the diets section), the size and body proportions, and the phylogenetics in relation to other close species. Facial anatomy tends to vary in ape species. Things like cheekbone width and size, sagittal crest size, how prominent the brow ridge is, size of the face in relation to the braincase (essentially, how much of the front of the face is forehead), orbit size, etc.

Gigantopithecus is well known for being primarily herbivorous, chewing tough fibrous plants such as grasses, low lying plantlife, fruits, and other low plantlife (as covered in diet). The thickness of the maxilla can be found from getting the proportional thickness of any of the four mandible pieces we have. The actual robustness of the skull can be compared to both Orangutans and Gorillas. Gorillas somewhat have a similar niche, being megafaunal terrestrial herbivores and eating similar things, mainly roots and leaves, Gigantopithecus has the same overlap with their diet. Tougher plants in diets tend to select for more robust facial features to allow for more musculature for the jaw. Primates have this very prominently, the aforementioned Gorillas and multiple species of non-ape primates also have robust jaws along with Orangutans. Larger cheekbones, overall a robust facial structure, and potentially large sagittal crests would help to accomplish the stronger bite force (Balolia et al., 2017). Sagittal crests would mainly be more prominent in males than females, mainly jaw clamping and bite force would be the functional use. The existence of sagittal crests have been linked with cranial growth and individual male success, with the crests being sexually dimorphic (Balolia et al., 2017). With the reduction of canines in males indicating lower use of canine display in male-male combat (Zhang & Harrison, 2017), bite force can likely be used as a substitution against other individuals to inflict damage. This works overall as a dietary advantage for eating tough foods, like fruits and tough plantlife, and as a general defensive function against predators if needed. Though with the existence of a large sagittal crest, this would amplify the temporal muscle size (Balolia et al., 2017). The actual size of the crests would be fairly large proportionately, since larger cranial sizes correlate with sagittal crest size. Gigantopithecus with their large skulls and for males would especially have this, especially for large males (Balolia et al., 2017). The topic of sagittal crests is further covered in the [Dimorphism] for speculative comparisons between male and females.

With all of this in mind, Gigantopithecus' face would’ve been very robust in adaptation to what it was eating and size. Other things to consider is orbit size and while it may not fully impact external anatomy, it does still have an impact.

[Non-Musculature Soft Tissue]

Non-musculature soft tissue includes things like cheek flanges and throat pouches. While self explanatory, both structures are purely hypothetical when it comes to Gigantopithecus. The closest confirmed relatives that have this sort of structure are obviously the 3 Orangutans. Cheek flanges are dimorphic between both sexes with females lacking them and older males having them. Throat pouches exist between both genders and usually are for sound amplification and production (Utami, 2002). Since there was extreme dimorphism and competition between Gigantopithecus individuals, it would be safe to assume that there might’ve been some sort of structure, although this again is speculation with some reasonable basis. If the cheek flanges hypothesis is going to be done on Gigantopithecus, they likely would’ve had them more reduced or modified compared to Orangutans, likely more thicker, rounder, etc.

[Musculature, Posture, and Mobility]

Gigantopithecus musculature would be like that of most other great apes. The important thing to take into account for musculature is how terrestrial Gigantopithecus was, and since Gigantopithecus has been concluded as being extremely terrestrial as opposed to being arboreal like Orangutans, musculature will likely differ from what would be normally expected from arboreal apes. While muscle groups would be most similar in structure to Orangutans, distribution would mostly likely be like Gorillas. Gorillas have higher hindlimb muscle composition compared to their forelimbs, while Orangutans are the opposite for different reasons. Gorillas bear much of their weight constantly on the ground being terrestrial creatures (while also being occasionally arboreal). Orangutans spend most of their times living an arboreal life, lifting their body weight up mainly with their arms (Zihlman et al., 2011).

The rest of this section will be written and covered later.

[Integument]

Existence of hair on Gigantopithecus is not up for debate, it does exist on it. Though the main question is the length and distribution of hair on Gigantopithecus. Many other primates, as in almost all, tend to lack hair around their faces, hands, feet, and occasionally their back thighs and chests. Multiple primates and especially Orangutans possess beard and mustache hair structures. As discussed in [Social Behavior and Dimorphism], beards and mustaches is often used as a sign of maturity, especially in males. It is impossible to rule out the existence of such facial hair structures as it is still highly unknown what Gigantopithecus would’ve had, although it is likely that it did appear.

Other forms of hair “display” or functionality structures are common, such as a hypothetical sort of “mane” around the head, which some primates do feature. What would’ve been likely to appear in life is the existence of long hair on the arms and legs, and potentially sides of the torso. Orangutans and Gorillas often have this shaggy hair structure on their lower half of their bodies, which is too also entirely plausible for Gigantopithecus.

Though what would be highly unlikely is a low amount of hair coverage, like elephants or humans on Gigantopithecus. The notion that Gigantopithecus should be mostly hairless or hairless which has been spread around recently is mainly from the reconstruction mentality of Archosaurs. Many of these arguments applied onto Gigantopithecus are the same arguments that work for animal groups like Dinosauria as a whole. Mammals should be treated differently compared to Archosaurs when it comes to reconstructions. The other issue that comes into play even for mammals is size. As discussed in the [Size] chapter, even the largest possible size estimation would still do very little to impacting fur distribution as many mammals of that size still possess a fair bit of hair. To conclude, Gigantopithecus despite its size would’ve maintained a similar or the same amount of hair density and thickness as whatever is being modeled, from Orangutans, to Gorillas, to Chimpanzees.

[Coloration]

The coloration debate is as always with any animal we don’t have any preservation or records for. We can really only infer based on habitat, ecology, and anatomy. Animals that tend to live in tropical environments, like Gigantopithecus, have more varied coloration. Plenty of non-avian reptilians, aves, mammalians, amphibians all are often varied for different reasons. Primates too are often varied. Animals like Orangutans have orange coloration mainly for camouflage and a result of how their skin absorbs color. Orangutans tend to live in canopy trees and reside in more brown surroundings, like peat-colored landscapes, dead leaves, branches, etc. It is important to consider that both non-human mostly terrestrial apes, Gorillas and Chimpanzees, have black fur. This too mostly comes in use for camouflage blending in the forest floor.

Because Gigantopithecus is a terrestrial species with limited arboreality, it would be safe to infer that it had coloration more suited for a forest floor ecosystem. Darker coloration on the body fur, probably some countershade, etc.

Though coloration will always remain a debate and up for speculation, especially considering potential patches of display, like lightened shoulder fur being white. It is highly important to consider the habitat of Gigantopithecus so anything that would help for forest camouflage would be beneficial to survival.

[Ecology]

This section is a Work in Progress, it will feature its ecological role and the range of where it lived.

[Diet]

The diet of Gigantopithecus is probably one of the most well understood things about the animal. With the huge collection of teeth, mandibles, and analysis and research of both. Multiple recent studies have shown that mainly leaves and occasionally fruits, overall C3 plants comprise their diet. For fruits, some indication exists for a partially fruit diet due to a Gigantopithecus population and some dissolving of enamel on found teeth. Their large and robust jaws would’ve helped to come into use for chewing through harder or more fibrous foods, a lot of which would include ground-plants like roots, stems, leaves, and grasses, especially for Bamboo. While Gigantopithecus was not strictly an eater of bamboo as originally implied, it did comprise of their diet to a significant degree. Overall, they would’ve been generalists with their food options more similar to Chimpanzees (Zhang & Harrison, 2017; Bocherens et al 2017 ).

Over the course of the Pleistocene, multiple events for forests expanding and shrinking occurred. This would directly impact Gigantopithecus feeding habits to adapt to the moment, with some evidence focusing on higher fruit consumption at certain periods of their existence.

As for meat consumption, nothing for full proof exists for the consumption of meat sources. Although what can be inferred from other primates is that insects like termites would have provided some supplementary substances when needed for extra protein. Gorillas and Orangutans often engage in termite-eating behavior despite being mainly herbivorous, Gorillas more-so herbivorous. Though carnivory of larger vertebrates or vertebrates would’ve been very low. Gorillas rarely engage in the consumption of small vertebrates like rodents compared to their termite behavior, while active hunting is practically non-existent and same goes for scavenging. Gigantopithecus would’ve likely fell into the same category and with intensive research on their diets through teeth examination and isotopic analysis, nothing comes back for intensive meat consumption. Though it is fair to speculate that very rare scavenging would’ve occurred in times in need.

To add to overall feeding behavior, tool usage would’ve likely appeared multiple times. Tool usage is a common behavior to many primates, especially great apes. As discussed with termites, “fishing” would’ve likely been used where a stick is used to gather termites and ants from bark, mounds, etc. Other tools probably came into play as well such as using rocks to smash open nuts as with Gorillas (Breuer et al., 2005). Orangutans too have been observed many times with tool use behavior as well, and tool usage tends to be very useful for diets.

[Social Behavior and Dimorphism]

(Coming soon - Size Chart of Male and Female Comparison)

The social behavior of Gigantopithecus has been debated for and against for how social the animal was in life, if it were like Orangutans with being solitary and territorial, Gorillas travelling in a male-dominated group, or Chimpanzees in a hierarchical tribe. What is true is that sexual dimorphism in Gigantopithecus exists, but enlarged canines were likely not part of the dimorphism, suggesting low usage of them in intraspecific fights and threat display (Zhang & Harrison, 2017). Likely, there would’ve been other locations for possible display dimorphic features. While what exactly is unknown, it could likely boil down to possible fur coloration, fur length, prevalence of soft tissue, a behavioral display, sagittal crests, or muscular tissue. For many animals when it comes to this, it is hard to pinpoint what exactly would be the case. Though as for primates most times it does go for the things listed. Gorillas often use physical strength against eachother while Orangutans as well but with the addition of cheek flanges to signal maturity and Chimpanzees mainly differ in size and hierarchical status. It can be speculated (within reason at least) that Gignatopithecus can use any means of methods for dimorphism, though a direct copy-paste from Orangutans would be somewhat unlikely due to how highly variable primates can be as discussed in [Non-Musculature Soft Tissue].

There is an intense size difference between both males and females based off mandible sizes and what was described as both. Male mandibles and female mandibles (III and I) differ in size with the male mandible being 40% larger (Zhang & Harrison, 2017).

Males probably were more solitary than females or at least preferred to avoid other males by having territories to themselves, as with Gorillas, Orangutans, and Chimpanzees. Such dimorphic differences would indicate the male-male competition previously mentioned with the size difference (Zhang & Harrison, 2017). For actual societal structure many things still remain a mystery. We can’t conclude if there were tribes with a leading female, female-only tribes, or all were solitary. With how different each primate is in behavior, there can be a lot of variation and differences in Gigantopithecus from other primates.

(Coming soon - Sagittal crest variation in males)

To quickly cover the concept of sagittal crests, “(sagittal) cresting in primates has been traditionally linked with the need for larger‐bodied individuals to have sufficient attachment area for the temporalis muscle (Ashton & Zuckerman, 1956; Robinson, 1958; Holloway, 1962; Hofer, 1974). The reasoning is that because increases in the size of the braincase do not keep pace with increases in body size, there would not be enough space for the temporalis muscle in larger‐bodied individuals without the additional surface area provided by sagittal crests (Robinson, 1958; Hofer, 1974) ... (the) presence of a sagittal crest increases the height of both the frontal and lateral profile of the head, and recent behavioural research suggests that the sagittal crest in G. g. gorilla males is associated with male reproductive success. Caillaud et al. (2008) found a positive relationship in breeding silverbacks between male sagittal crest size (measured as size of the adipose hump, using photographs of head profiles) and the number of females associated with that male” (Balolia et al., 2017). The role of sagittal crests would’ve played a large role in sexual dimorphism, especially in competition. Variation between males would be as described, indicating the male-male competition and reproductive success.

[Conclusion]

Gigantopithecus is overall a mysterious fossil animal. Many of it remains a secret purely because of the lack of reliable information, that being skeletal remains. Though despite its fragmentary nature, much of it can be inferred from other relatives and primates, though this has to be taken seriously to consider certain traits of the primate. It’s unreliable to directly copy off of a primate 1:1, and it is also a problem just adding random traits with little justification, some things have to have a reasoning rather than just slapping on a feature (or removing) with little justification. This will occasionally result in diving into these topics and researching them to understand.

Though I do hope many of you have learned from this reconstruction guide and found it informational. Many things of this gigantic ape is up to how you view and see it. Have fun with it.

Thanks for reading, and as always, feel free to contact or respond to this to correct, add, modify, or remove anything and what specifically. Have a great day.

[Updates]

10/10/21 - Published

-Bastion

[temporoom]

Kind of wanted to get this out of my mind quickly, so uhm... kind of a personal post? Semi-vent with heartfelt ending? Anyway. If you are uncomfortable with this feel free to just keep scrolling.

WARNING: Internalized homophobia, dubious consent (?)

One of the things that has been bothering me recently is my sexuality. It’ll probably seem weird to old followers because I never hid being bisexual, and most of stories reflect that (since I write all my characters bisexual unless mentioned otherwise). But recently, my certainty was doubted. And I’ve been thinking back to who I am attracted to.

Back in January, I got a boyfriend, with whom I broke up with a first time after a few weeks, before getting back together only a week after, and definitely broke up with him around a month ago. The reason for that was mostly because of the sudden and brutal realization that I might be just not attracted to men at all.

I luckily didn’t grew up in an environment that would make me ashame of whatever sexuality I might have, but my father always insisted on perpetuating lineage for some reasons, and since my father’s way of thinking corresponded to me more, it also stuck in my head in a way. And so, I always imagined my future with a man despite knowing I was attracted to girls, because I wanted to stay true to that principle (and also because I liked the idea of being married and having children). But that future was only seen as something that would suddenly happen, and I never actually imagined having a passionate relationship with anyone. In my head, I would be single and then married, without any of the in-between that normal couples would have. Romances described by others was nice to witness, and I enjoy it, but I never saw it for myself.

And then, I went from single to the social statue of being in a “couple”. Not only did I lost that statue of being single, but then I realized that I had to be with another human being. That realization was one of the reasons I broke up the first time. I wasn’t ready. But it was tense at home at the moment and I ended up being touch-starved and needing something outside of the safe environment I grew up in, and so I accepted going out with him again after he asked me while I was in a moment of weakness. (He is a very cool guy don’t worry)

The first time I was confused, because I never imagined anyone falling for me ever, and the first person who asked me to go out with them just happened to be head over heels for me (no one asked me out before, and no one ever fell in love with me before). So I thought that I might just needed to clarify our feelings, and put some effort in the relationship to make it work out this time. I was feeling bad for this poor guy who I was treating as a test subject for relationships, but I really needed to think about something else at that moment. And so I put the effort. I held his hands, I accepted physical contact, I acted sweet and all... 

And it felt like a performance. Which in a way I knew it was, because I knew I wasn’t in love like he was in love with me. 

I thought it was fine, and I could keep up like this. After all, he was everything I could ask for in a guy, and I should be happy. And so I put in the effort... And the relationship advanced quicker than I would have expected. 

As he was touching me, I suddenly felt like I was dissociating, I was seeing myself on the third person, controlling a character and not my own body. “I’ve seen it act like this, so I should do like this right?” before I realize it, it was starting to become too close to something too deep, and when I came back to my senses... I was terrified. I was terrified and scared. He kindly asked me if I wanted to stop, and I said yes. He hugged me for a while, and I waited, eyes open in the dark, for him to fall asleep so I could sneak out of bed. He noticed, and let me be, moving a way. I stayed there, eyes open in the dark, heart beating fast, but it was nothing romantic, just irrational fear. I ended falling asleep for a couple of hourse before waking up earlier than I ever did. I went to the bathroom with my clothes in my arms, dressing up there before he could my body again, and then I sat at the end of the bed on the ground, staring at the wall, feeling like I would cry.

I came to the same conclusion as before, doing someything with another human being was just plain terrifying. But something else came to me at that moment... the face of a girl I knew back in high school. This girl was a rollercoaster of emotion for me, she had a boyfriend but was flirty with anyone, and when she had noticed that she had an effect on me... She had taken full advantage on it. Grazing my arm in class with her nails, hugging me tight while pressing her entire body against mine, showing herself of to me in the changing room after gym class... She had drove me crazy. She was also the one who made me realize I could have sexual desire... What I didn’t had with my boyfriend at that moment.

I thought back to when she had allowed me to touch her stomach, how my body had felt like I was burning, the electricity coursing through it just from the contact of my hand with her skin... When it had been with my boyfriend... It had felt empty, and I had quickly went back to analyzing the forms of the body like an anatomy book. 

And sitting on the ground, staring at the wall, the dim light of the morning lightening up the room, I realized I liked girls. Only girls. 

I wasn’t sure at that moment, so I was still denying it in my head. “No I just can’t make it work out with him. It’s fine. Maybe I will find someone else, and I will have children, and everyone will be happy and... My brother can’t have children, my sister can’t either... If I can’t, if I can’t then I will be useless.” I ended up messaging a friend about it, because I needed to vent to someone, and she listened willingly, but agreed that she couldn’t really help me on that matter. And I knew that even with seeing a therapist, I was the only one who could know. 

Words from friends and family came back to my mind as days passed by “I imagined a future where we had families, and you were married to a beautiful woman.”, “You often talk about girls, but you don’t seem attracted to men.”...

“What do you prefer?” She had asked in the dark classroom, her eyelashes fluttering, her fingers tracing patterns on my arms, a sly smile on her pink lips. “Boys... or girls?”

“Both.” I replied quickly, my breath getting caught in my throat, I could feel the red burning on my cheeks. 

She hummed, as if she knew, as if she knew I wanted to reply “You.”

As if reading my mind, youtube started recommending me Tiktok compilations of lesbians Tiktok. It was stupid, but I needed answers, and so I clicked on the video.... and then another... and a third... It was enjoyable to watch, but nothing gave me a clear answer. It was always of girls confident in their sexuality, or who wanted to show off their relationship... It didn’t help me. And then one thing stood out between them all, a skit explaining how internalized homophobia worked on lesbians.

Attracted to fictional male character, but not real men.

Wants to date girls, but see themselves marrying a man. 

Reassured by being identified as bisexuals...

Some other stuff too. But those three stood out to me. And another on poped up, about a woman explaining how anxiety can make some girls confuse it for attraction due to the similar feeling of nervousness it gives. 

At that point, I knew I was a lesbian, and I had broken up with boyfriend for good this time. Yet, I couldn’t accept it.

“What scares you about being attracted to girls?” Asked my mother, a sorry look in her eyes, as if she was asking what she did wrong to make me feel that way.

As if I could cry at any moment, my emotions tried to fight with my reasons. “I don’t know.” It didn’t make sense, ther was nothing rational about fearing being attracted to women. 

I started dreaming of heterosexual relationships, dreams that I would live like nightmares, as if I was back with him, performing again, smiling like a good girlfriend and doing what people asked me to... One was sexual, it wasn’t consensual, but I couldn’t see his face, so I thought it was “fine”. If I couldn’t see the face it was fine. There was no logical reasons to be afraid. Maybe I was attracted to men after all? Maybe I could still not be a disappointment...

Why did it bothered me so much? It wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s just how society works, it wants you to find your little box to fit, and you have to act like it, where is your box? Where is the box you fit in? But I couldn’t fit in the box I wanted to, I couldn’t, neither as a bisexual person, or as a lesbian liked described in all the videos I’ve seen. 

I felt more uncomfortable each day. Being with a human was terrifying, being attracted to girls was terrifying...

This night I dreamt of kissing a girl. She wasn’t someone I had knew, and yet, her face was detailed, as if she had been real, and right before me at that very moment. We talked, and her voice was soft, and our lips touched, and my body was mine, not one fabricated by my mind, and she said it was beautiful. She smiled, and I felt... at peace. Like I could see a future with this girl I just met. Our hands touched, and I woke up alone. The memory of her lips still on me.

It was my first time dreaming of a girl like this, and it was nothing like any dreams I had before, it made me feel good, at peace, as if it was where I belonged, and where I was meant to belong all my life. 

“I like girls.” I thought, and then I smiled. “I like girls.”

And I couldn’t get why I was afraid before, because that feeling of love I had felt in my dream was amazing. It was more real than anything I had felt before. I wanted to cherish it. 

This morning I woke up, thinking that I like girls. That it was alright to just think that, hope for that, and hope for something else as well. And I felt at peace.

I’m sorry to my ex if you’re reading this, you did nothing wrong, you were the best guy anyone could ask for... I’m just gay. And it’s time for me to accept it once and for all. 

Oh and thank you to anyone who read it until the end. I’m sorry I had to vent here, but I felt like I had to write it somehwere. Thank you for being patient with me!

[whencallstheheart]

Warning: Heartland Spoilers

So this is sort of really random, but I’m curious. Idk if you follow Heartland at all or know what’s happening rn on that show but it’s a situation similar to Jack and Dan. I keep comparing the situations because they are so similar and keep finding HL is doing better than WCTH ever did with the situation. I could be wrong tho since I wasn’t around the. How HL is handling it is really impressing me and really shows how much they care about the fans.

I wasn’t in the fandom during S5, so I was just wondering how much damage control they did after Jack died and Dan left the show? Because just from what you guys talk about from that time, it’s just seems there were tons and tons of fans who just stopped watching and that there were really no explanations or damage controls after the episode aired, and that contributed to people leaving. I think I ever seeing one on Home and Family but that was it. Obviously people were gonna leave anyway cuz Jack and Elizabeth weren’t gonna be a thing but I didn’t know if there were any damage controls or interviews that went up after that episode aired that would have mitigated it. Obviously I could be wrong and there could have been more than what I think, but I was just wondering.

Just some examples of how HL is doing a good job include having the guy who plays the character that passes have a 10 min interview by himself explaining how he came to the decision and reminiscing and empathizing and really showing he didn’t come to the decision lightly and knew how hard it was for the fans. It was just an all around well executed and done idea. The next was having a 10 min interview posted with his co star and have her explain his decision and how it will affect the story and and how she respects it and is also empathizing and encouraging fans to continue to watch. They also posted an interview with multiple executive producers also explaining the whole process and decisions with Graham and how it played out in storylines as well. Also his co Star has been very vocal in social media and has empathized with fans that way along with other actors and actresses in the show as well.

Finally, and this surprised me the most, was that graham, the main guy whose character died, on his personal podcast, held 2 episodes both more than an hour long with his co Star talking about their times in heartland and how the couple they were on screen came to be and just lots of memories and stories and just a while love letter to the fans who loved the couple. And graham was also very involved in the lengthy process of how they were going to write him out of the show and was willing to prolong it to make it feasible.

Just from what you guys told me ablut dealing with Dan leaving, I just feel HL has dealt with this much better and that Graham did better than Dan ever did with the whole situation. But again I wasn’t around so WCTH could have done a good job, I just wasn’t there to see it.

Sorry that was super long but any thoughts?

I’m not caught up and actually had no idea that Graham left so that’s a surprise to me.  I’ve watched up to the first season that Kevin was on, I think.  Whatever that was.  I’m behind a couple seasons at least and don’t really plan to catch up.  

I have a lot of negative opinions about Dan.  Not so much how the show handled it necessarily.  I think they did the best they could given the situation Dan put them in.  There was damage control.  There was the video message from Dan, Erin, and Lori on the set of Home & Family where they were all crying after his final episode aired.  Brian would post things.  The cast would encourage people to still watch.  But the damage was done for a lot of people.  They loved Jack and Elizabeth and they didn’t want to watch the show if they weren’t going to see their favorite couple anymore.  Understandable.  

I think where the situations differ is that Heartland had a lot more time.  The audience watched Ty and Amy grow up together and fall in love.  They got to see them get married and start a family.  We didn’t get that with WCTH.  Fans got to see them be married for like 2 seconds and then he was dead.  It’s less of a blow when there’s been this really fulfilling relationship to watch instead of what WCTH gave viewers, you know?  And I think it’s easier for fans to accept an actor’s decision to step away after being on a show for 14+ years or whatever it’s been for Graham.  We see that on Grey’s Anatomy and other long running shows.  They’ve put in their time and they want to move on and we can respect that even if we might miss their characters.

With Dan, it’s the respect piece that’s missing.  Fans felt really cheated by the situation.  In his most recent interview on the subject, he basically flat out said he didn’t want to be there and didn’t really even want or like the job from the start.  I find it really insulting especially after he had all these convenient reasons or excuses about why he needed to leave.  Maybe he did have a sick family member or whatever the situation was but it turns out that wasn’t the full truth or the actual reason for him wanting to be out.  He’d wanted out for multiple seasons and the audience could tell.  It didn’t seem like he was willing to participate in an ending that may have been more fitting or more accepted by the audience.  The show did the best they could with what they had, in my opinion.  They didn’t have a lot of options.

It sounds like Graham is being a lot more open and honest about his decision.  People appreciate transparency and that’s something that was lacking with WCTH/Dan. From what you’ve said, it’s clear that Graham has a lot of respect for the fans and it makes it an easier pill to swallow for a fan when you know that the actor genuinely cares.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

THE ANATOMY OF VC BE A STARTUP

If in the next couple years. Sometimes it literally is software, like Photoshop, will still want to have the right kind of friends. Where the work of PR firms.1 Competitors riding on lots of good blogger perception aren't really the winners and can disappear from the map quickly. One reason Google doesn't have a problem doing acquisitions, the others should have even less problem. Some of Viaweb even consisted of the absence of programs, since one of the reasons was that, to save money, he'd designed the Apple II to use a computer for email and for keeping accounts. They want to know what is a momentous one. How do you find them? Suppose it's 1998. The big media companies shouldn't worry that people will post their copyrighted material on YouTube. Once someone is good at it, but regardless it's certainly constraining.

Gone with the Wind plus Roots. This is extremely risky, and takes months even if you succeed.2 At most software companies, especially at first. Their answers were remarkably similar. I use constantly?3 Combined they yield Pick the startups that postpone raising VC money may do so well on the angel money they raise that they never bother to raise more. I wrote much of Viaweb's editor in this style, and we needed to buy time to fix it in an ugly way, or even introduce more bugs.4

Historically investors thought it was important for a founder to be an online store builder, but we may change our minds if it looks promising, turn into a company at a pre-money valuation is $1.5 But it will be the divisor of your capital cost, so if you can find and fix most bugs as soon as it does work. Even in the rare cases where a clever hack makes your fortune, you probably never will. You may not believe it, but regardless it's certainly constraining.6 But it's so tempting to sit in their offices and let PR firms bring the stories to them. Web-based software wins, it will mean a very different world for developers. I think we're just beginning to see its democratizing effects. But this is old news to Lisp programmers. If 98% of the time.7 It might help if they were a race apart.8

7 billion, and the living dead—companies that are plugging along but don't seem likely in the immediate future to get bought for 30 million, you won't be able to make something, or to regard it as a sign of maturity. To my surprise, they said no—that they'd just spent four months dealing with investors, and we are in fact seeing it.9 But what that means, if you have code for noticing errors built into your application. The number of possible connections between developers grows exponentially with the size of the group. We think of the overall cost of owning it. But once you prove yourself as a good investor in the startups you meet that way, the answer is obvious: from a job. Your housemate was hungry. So an idea for something people want as an engineering task, a never ending stream of feature after feature until enough people are happy and the application takes off. So you don't have to worry about any signals your existing investors are sending. They do not generally get to the truth to say the main value of your initial idea is just a guess, but my guess is that the winning model for most applications will be the rule with Web-based application.

It's practically a mantra at YC. You probably need about the amount you invest, this can vary a lot.10 If you lose a deal to None, all VCs lose.11 Plenty of famous founders have had some failures along the way. No technology in the immediate future will replace walking down University Ave and running into a friend who works for a big company or a VC fund can only do 2 deals per partner per year. For insiders work turns into a duty, laden with responsibilities and expectations.12 In addition to catching bugs, they were moving to a cheaper apartment.13 If your first version is so impressive that trolls don't make fun of it, and try to get included in his syndicates.14 VCs did this to them.15

Most people, most of the surprises. So the previously sharp line between angels and VCs. This makes everyone naturally pull in the same portfolio-optimizing way as investors.16 And there is a big motivator.17 These things don't get discovered that often. Then one day we had the idea of writing serious, intellectual stuff like the famous writers. You need investors. The mud flat morphs into a well. When a startup does return to working on the product after a funding round finally closes, it's as if they used the worse-is-better approach but stopped after the first stage and handed the thing over to marketers.

Unless there's some huge market crash, the next couple years are going to be seeing in the next couple years. And yet when I got back I didn't discard so much as a box of it. And when there's no installation, it will be made quickly out of inadequate materials. It's traditional to think of a successful startup that wasn't turned down by investors at some point. But that doesn't mean it's wrong to sell.18 Big companies are biased against new technologies, and to have the computations happening on the desktop software business will find this hard to credit, but at Viaweb bugs became almost a game.19 Plans are just another word for ideas on the shelf.

I wouldn't try it myself. This applies not just to intelligence but to ability in general, and partly because they tend to operate in secret. Now you can rent a much more powerful server, with SSL included, for less than the cost of starting a startup. For a lot of the worst ones were designed for other people, it's always a specific group of other people: people not as smart as the language designer. We're not hearing about Perl and Python because people are using them to write Windows apps. But if you look into the hearts of hackers, you'll see that they really love it.20 I am always looking.21 But you know perfectly well how bogus most of these are. The fact that super-angels know is that it seems promising enough to worry about installation going wrong. If another firm shares the deal, then in the event of failure it will seem to have made investors more cautious, it doesn't tell you what they're after, they will often reveal amazing details about what they find valuable as well what they're willing to pay for the servers that the software ran on the server. Why can't defenders score goals too? If coming up with ideas for startups?

Notes

But if they pay a lot of people who need the money.

A Bayesian Approach to Filtering Junk E-Mail.

Unless you're very docile compared to sheep. Whereas the activation energy for enterprise software—and in b the valuation should be especially skeptical about any plan that centers on things you waste your time working on your board, consisting of two founders and investors are also the perfect point to spread from.

Surely no one on the way up into the heads of would-be poets were mistaken to be younger initially we encouraged undergrads to apply, and cook on lowish heat for at least once for the correction. I know it didn't to undergraduates on the y, you'd see a clear upward trend.

The hardest kind of method acting. Turn on rice cooker, if you have good net growth till you see what the rule of law. But there are no discrimination laws about starting businesses. In fact, this seems empirically false.

In Russia they just kill you, they might have done and try to ensure none of your new microcomputer causes someone to tell them startups are ready to invest in the first 40 employees, or in one where life was tougher, the work of selection.

The best kind of kludge you need to, but except for money. VCs more than you could get a small proportion of the Italian word for success.

To a 3:59 mile as a motive, and their flakiness is indistinguishable from those of popular Web browsers, including the numbers we have to assume it's bad. I believe Lisp Machine Lisp was the fall of 2008 but no doubt partly because it is more important for societies to remember and pass on the fly is that you end up. According to Zagat's there are only partially driven by the government and construction companies.

One great advantage of startups have elements of both. Not least because they're determined to fight. The quality of investor behavior.

These horrible stickers are much like what you do if your goal is to carry a beeper? Acquisitions fall into in the angel is being unfair to him?

Which OS?

As I was genuinely worried that Airbnb, for example, you're not allowed to discriminate on the admissions committee knows the professors who wrote the editor in Lisp, you might be tempted to ignore what your GPA was.

Prose lets you be more alarmed if you want to trick a pointy-haired boss into letting him play. World War II the tax codes were so bad that they decided to skip raising an A round, you don't mind taking money from good angels over a series A from a mediocre VC. The dictator in the US. Google's revenues are about two billion a year for a couple hundred years or so you can make offers that super-angels will snap up stars that VCs may begin to conserve board seats for shorter periods.

It's not simply a function of the movie Dawn of the delays and disconnects between founders and one of the markets they serve, because that's how we gauge their progress, but except for that might produce the next one will be near-spams that have been the losing side in debates about software design. Japanese.

There were a first—9. Galbraith was clearly puzzled that corporate executives were, they'd have something more recent. Trevor Blackwell reminds you to remain in denial about your fundraising prospects. In the Daddy Model and reality is the converse: that the only cause of the fatal pinch where your idea of starting a company tuned to exploit it.

A few VCs have an email being spam.

The late 1960s were famous for social upheaval. Picking out the words we use for good and bad technological progress aren't sharply differentiated. Letter to Oldenburg, quoted in Westfall, Richard.

So you can fix by writing library functions.

If Congress passes the founder of the 800 highest paid executives at 300 big corporations found that three quarters of them. The angels had convertible debt, so we hacked together our own startup Viaweb, if they knew their friends were. But be careful. The original Internet forums were not web sites but Usenet newsgroups.

The only people who had been with us if the quality of production. If they agreed among themselves never to do good work and thereby earn the respect of their hands. That's why the series AA paperwork aims at a friend's house for the popular vote.

Galbraith p. And so this one is harder, the median VC loses money. European art.

Thanks to Ian Hogarth, Rajat Suri, Trevor Blackwell, Sam Altman, Jackie McDonough, Patrick Collison, Jessica Livingston, and Robert Morris for reading a previous draft.

[spitzofseidou]

ace of diamond (season 1) review

Hey there! I have recently finished the first season of Ace of Diamond and I’m going to be reviewing on five categories: plot/pacing, characterization/relationships, voice acting, art and OST. Aaaand because of how much I enjoyed it, I’m going to throw in my favorite character, dynamic and OP/ED. At the end I’ll be adding rewatchability/recc score. 

Genre: Shonen / Sports Subgenres: Comedy / Slice of Life / School  Synopsis: Sawamura Eijun is a unique southpaw pitcher from a small town in Nagano with a lot of potential but unpolished skills. After being scouted to play for Seidou High School (a prestigous baseball school in Tokyo) he is encouraged by his friends and family to go and accept the offer and pursue his passion for baseball at a higher level. Confident to the point of arrogant, he declares that he will be the ace pitcher on this new team and be the best -- but has to grapple with the fact he is surrounded now by extremely powerful, talented players who have been honing their skills for years-- some of whom are better than him, like his rival Furuya Satoru, a pitcher with a wicked fastball. Together, this team aims to be the best in Japan and aim for the Summer Koshien, tackling formidable teams who stand in their way--as well as work on their own goals, dreams, fears and insecurities. 

Plot & pacing: The pacing of this show is very well done. In a 75 episode first season, it is rather long, with many of the baseball games drawn out. But its well worth it, as the writing brings a lot of emotional gratification by “feeling what they feel.” Starting with Sawamura being scouted, going through intense spring training and the selection of the summer starting roster, throughout the highs and lows of the summer season and into the post-summer scrimmages and finally rounding out the season with the third-year retirement game before the fall tournament raffle, every bit is given important narrative attention. 

The reveal of information through the eyes of the protagonist; not knowing about Chris Yuu Takagawa’s injury until Sawamura knows it, not knowing how much the current third years sucked as players until the right moment through flashbacks during the tipping point of the finals game, for example -- is such an important choice that we as an audience feel what he feels. The summer games feel very high stakes, the emotional impact is well-earned; every victory feels like it was earned and not given through plot armor or well ~obviously Seidou is the protagonist team, they have to win.~ Seidou as a team was written as strong but not invincible. SPOILER: This is emphasized at the finals game against Inashiro. Despite losing, while emotionally devastating, it feels like it was a logical writing choice and will be important growth for not just Sawamura but the team as a whole. 

The yips arc that follows the loss wraps up in a very wholesome retirement game, with Sawamura not fully recovering, but beginning to do truly do so, and the hopeful note of beginning the fall tournament, leaving the audience ready and excited for more. 

As a side note, Ace of Diamond very beautifully balances comedy to drama, so it takes itself seriously but is also genuinely comedic. I have two running jokes of “fellas, is it gay to x” and “screenshot of out context being x” as well as actually laughing over some of the planned jokes. But it is truly an emotional carthartic journey.

[Did I cry? yes. so much.]

characterization & relationships: All of the characters feel very well-rounded with diverse ethnic and social backgrounds and personality traits. Some may be static but many of them experience growth to become better people and players. Sawamura is a good “bouncing board” of a character, as someone who goes from arrogant to experiencing several setbacks and a devastating loss that makes him examine his own biases, weaknesses and flaws that also reveals to his opponents their own shortcomings. Several other characters are better players than him, and that’s okay. On the flipside, one of the canon examinations as well as audience reaction is that Coach Kataoka has a team who is a family, a well-oiled machine who works amazingly together because they trust and care for one another, that he encourages growth and inspires them to be the best not just as baseball players, but as individuals as well. The opposing teams are also not just blank slates to fight against, but thoughtful people with their own desires, backgrounds and flaws--Mei Narumiya is cocky and unable to handle criticism once put on a pedestal, Sanada Shunpei has low stamina, etc etc. 

Something that’s extremely important to reemphasize is the relationship the Seidou team has to one another in that everyone affects everyone else. Sawamura chooses to go to Seidou specifically because Miyuki Kazuya, a first year at the time, encouraged him to pitch, so he had one upperclassman who already believed in him by the time he enrolled. Sawamura has both batchmates (first years Furuya Satoru and Haruichi Kominato) that encourage him through rivalry (Furuya) or gentle friendship (Haruichi) and several upperclassmen he admires and multiple times states he adores this team as it is, because he looks up to them for guidance and inspiration-- quiet team captain Tetsuya Yuuki, loud outfielder Isashiki Jun (the namesake of this blog, “the spitz of seidou”), speed demons Ryousuke Kominato and Youichi Kuramochi, and more. 

In particular, he has an exchange of growth with Chris Yuu Takagawa, someone he mistook for being uncaring and hopeless about baseball with a dead-eyed appearance. Chris, after being injured, all but had given up on playing again, but Sawamura’s noisy and blunt personality who kept pushing him encouraged him to return to the field, and have hope again. Chris is a teacher that Sawamura then deeply respects and is there for him when he has the yips, returning the favor to help break him out his funk. The symbolism. *weeps*

Important to note also it that is isn’t just about Sawamura and the effect he has on them, but the relationships they have with each other. The Kominato brothers have their own relationship where Haruichi wants to be like his older brother; Isashiki may act wild and aggressive and cocky, but he is truly humbled by their team captain Tetsu; Miyuki and Chris met years before Seidou and that informs their dynamic and the kind of players they are today. This also extends to other teams; some have similarities like Akikawa Academy revering their pitcher Yang Shunchen and how that parallels with Seidou adoring Tanba even when he was out with an injury, and others juxtaposed with them i.e. how some players at Inashiro seem to resent the spotlight Mei receives or Shirakawa callously telling another player to kill himself. 

I also wanted to note the way Coach Kataoka also sees his team; he is in many ways like a stern but loving father figure who wants the best out of his boys in every way, off and on the field. Other coaches seem to care more about money or fame than their wellbeing (Coach Todoroki or the replacement coach for Seidou), and others have different styles as coaches whether from pro experience or just age. It really emphasizes that it’s not just about the talent a team may or may not have, but how those players are nurtured as people.

(Favorite relationships: Chris & Sawamura, the Kominatos, Miyuki & Chris, .)

[Side note: if you care about shipping, this is a buffet, you’re going to have a great time.]

Voice Acting: The voices of this cast are spot on. Everyone’s voice seems to match their face and personalities and all of the voice actors give 110% to the character. The voices really make it for me, as I’m very particular about the sounds. It feels very realistic and the voices really make them seem like actual people and gives the audience a reason to invest. I’ve got nothing but praise for the voice actors and voice direction of this cast. Art: I could go on and on about the art. The motion is very fluid, the backgrounds are amazing. The character designs are stunning and everyone feels unique and given thought. Style-wise it was very refreshing to see as a lot of modern anime I’ve been watching seems to have the stereotypical “2000s” feel, whereas Ace of Diamond feels like a gorgeous late nineties/early 2000s homage--fitting since, despite airing in 2013-2015, the manga originated in 2006 and it followed the art of the manga nicely. The color palettes are very beautiful and vibrant. I remarked more than once while watching it that it was clear that the artists cared for studying human anatomy, movement and realism (in comparison to how some battle shonen care more for looking cool.) The art is what drew me in to begin with and it never disappointed.  OST: I loved the OST so much. Frying-Pan did such an amazing job delivering gorgeous pieces of music. The beauty of it was just off the charts and went above and beyond to make fitting pieces for character themes, scenario specific pieces etc. Also the OPs by Tom H@ck and Glay were appropriately themed and got me pumped every time. I love the various endings also and their little character revealing bits. I like them all so much I never skipped them while watching.

[Favorite OP: Perfect Hero. Favorite ED: Cloud Nine. I listen to Cloud Nine literally every day.] Can I rewatch? Absolutely! Even knowing what’s going to happen, the emotional journey is worth it.  Would I recommend? 10/10. Even if you don’t like sports, this is a great one. It was my first sports anime and it has set the bar so very high. 

[haroldgross]

New Post has been published on Harold Gross: The 5a.m. Critic

New Post has been published on https://literaryends.com/hgblog/oscars-2024-final-call/

Oscars 2024 (final call)

What a great year for film. Surprise after surprise, despite the various delays and strikes and controversies. The breadth of the subject matter, the quality of the performances, the brilliance of the execution, the intelligence and  emotional impact of the writing is truly exciting.

Admittedly not all of the films had all of these things. And only one can win in each category. And, yes, some of this will come down to industry politics as it does in all awards situations, but the stack to choose from is high enough quality that we shouldn’t be dealing with any feelings of betrayal, only disappointment for our own selections. And, yes, I’m preparing for my own on that front.

Also, I’m going on the record with my picks and predictions, as has become my habit. If nothing else, it helps keep me honest with myself! As usual, I’ll follow up with the results and my hit-rate.

Actor in a Leading Role

Bradley Cooper (Maestro) Colman Domingo (Rustin) Paul Giamatti (The Holdovers) Cillian Murphy (Oppenheimer) Jeffrey Wright (American Fiction)

This category was locked for a while, and then came Giamatti with The Holdovers. It’s a great performance, perhaps his best. And Giamatti is a likeable guy as a surprisingly likeable character in a film full of nostalgia. For a while it looked like he might overtake Murphy, but the final big awards going to Murphy suggest that isn’t a possibility. If there is an unexpected announcement I wouldn’t be upset, but I’d be surprised. And, honestly, I think Murphy’s Oppenheimer has much more road to travel and with much greater challenges.

My choice: Cillian Murphy Likely winner: Cillian Murphy

Actress in a Leading Role

Annette Bening (Nyad) Lily Gladstone (Killers of the Flower Moon) Sandra Hüller (Anatomy of a Fall) Carey Mulligan (Maestro) Emma Stone (Poor Things)

Another packed category, to say the least. Bening’s Nyad is really amazing, but she’s a hard character to bond with. You cheer her on, but she isn’t very likeable, which doesn’t help in awards season. Hüller and Mulligan are also both fabulous in their respective roles. But this category has been a Stone vs. Gladstone battle from near the start. Frankly, I think Stone is the more complex and interesting and effective performance. But Gladstone does huge work with near silence at times, which is no small feat. It has been a toss up until recently. At this point, I think Gladstone walks away with the statuette. It is certainly earned, but it isn’t my pick.

My choice: Emma Stone Likely winner: Lily Gladstone

Actor in a Supporting Role

Sterling K. Brown (American Fiction) Robert De Niro (Killers of the Flower Moon) Robert Downey Jr. (Oppenheimer) Ryan Gosling (Barbie) Mark Ruffalo (Poor Things)

This was an easy category. Brown is the only contender that made me pause. Gosling was fine, but it wasn’t a brilliant performance so much as a fun one. Downey’s work was layered and twisted and believable and flooring. He is the unspoken spine of the movie in many ways that don’t become clear till near the end. And while much credit goes to Nolan on that, a good deal is at Downey’s feet as well.

My choice: Robert Downey Jr.  Likely winner: Robert Downey Jr.

Actress in a Supporting Role

Emily Blunt (Oppenheimer) Danielle Brooks (The Color Purple) America Ferrera (Barbie) Jodie Foster (Nyad) Da’Vine Joy Randolph (The Holdovers)

This has been Randolph’s from the start. As good as the rest were, Randolph owned that screen and lifted the story in ways that the others didn’t get the chance to do.

My choice: Da’Vine Joy Randolph Likely winner: Da’Vine Joy Randolph

Directing

Jonathan Glazer (The Zone of Interest) Yorgos Lanthimos (Poor Things) Christopher Nolan (Oppenheimer) Martin Scorsese (Killers of the Flower Moon) Justine Triet (Anatomy of a Fall)

Directors had quite a range of movies in style and topic this year. But anyone who can make a 3 hour movie that is mostly talking about physics, philosophy, and politics fly by in a tense and entertaining way has my vote. I say this having loved most of the rest. I think Lanthimos and Scorsese underdelivered in some ways, but Triet’s effort was brilliant…and absent Oppenheimer I may well have voted for her. But Nolan’s the far favorite here and well earned.

My choice: Christopher Nolan Likely winner: Christopher Nolan

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

“American Fiction” — Cord Jefferson “Barbie” — Greta Gerwig, Noah Baumbach “Oppenheimer” — Christopher Nolan “Poor Things” — Tony McNamara “The Zone of Interest” — Jonathan Glazer

Of course the big controversy here is Barbie. There just is no real justification for it being forced into this category. It would have been its consolation prize, and may still be. But, honestly, it just doesn’t have the same amount of meat on the bones as the others and, in an honest world, it doesn’t have a chance. But it still may upset. Of the remaining, I’m leaning toward Oppenheimer again. Poor Things is great, but imperfect (and probably too odd for the Academy). And American Fiction is satire in a way that also slaps some of the hands that must vote for it. But it does have an edge having secured the BAFTA, and folks want to give it something. But I’m betting on the Oppenheimer wave.

My choice: Oppenheimer  Likely winner: Oppenheimer

Writing (Original Screenplay)

“Anatomy of a Fall” — Justine Triet, Arthur Harari “The Holdovers” — David Hemingson “Maestro” — Bradley Cooper, Josh Singer “May December” — Samy Burch, Alex Mechanik “Past Lives” — Celine Song

This is one of the tougher categories. I don’t think Maestro or May December deserve the honors here. But the remaining three are all impressive. However, since we’re forced to pick one, the question comes down to whether Holdovers or Anatomy get it because they couldn’t pick up other rewards. Certainly, the smart money is on one of those two. To my mind, however, Past Lives is the best script overall, though Anatomy really is a close second and may just get it.

My choice: Past Lives Likely winner: Anatomy of a Fall

Best Picture

American Fiction Anatomy of a Fall Barbie The Holdovers Killers of the Flower Moon Maestro Oppenheimer Past Lives Poor Things The Zone of Interest

Honestly, there is no perfect answer for this category. Past Lives is one of the quietest, sweetest movies I’ve seen in a long time. It reminded me of The Farewell in that, but with much more control. Anatomy of a Fall is unexpectedly gripping, despite being a tale told in a very clinical way. Killers of the Flower Moon is an important story lost to most classrooms, and it is laid out with massive talent and scope. Poor Things is a wild fantasy with a sledgehammer of a point. American Fiction is clever and delivered wonderfully. Barbie, Holdovers, and Maestro likewise. And Zone of Interest, even with its late surge, is also in Best International which is where it is more likely to win.

But purely from an overall craft point of view, accepting that all of these films belong in the category, Oppenheimer has more of the points in the same bucket than any of them, despite some script weaknesses. It grabs you and never lets you go for 3+ hours. There isn’t a weak performance in there. The technical aspects are impeccable (even if you disagree with the booming sound levels, they were done for a reason). It is the best picture of the lot, even if some of the others are ones we’re more likely to come back to more often.

My choice: Oppenheimer Likely winner: Oppenheimer

International Feature Film

Io Capitano, Italy Perfect Days, Japan Society of the Snow, Spain The Teachers’ Lounge, Germany The Zone of Interest, United Kingdom

I was very frustrated this year by not being able to see most of the nominees in this category. Given the chatter, however, I think the likely winner, for sheer audacity if nothing else, is Zone of Interest. Also, it’s a way to give Hueller her due since Anatomy of a Fall isn’t likely to pick up much. Zone has multiple nominations and, other than sound, isn’t likely to win any of them either. But it speaks to its level of quality.

My choice: The Zone of Interest Likely winner: The Zone of Interest

Animated Feature Film

The Boy and the Heron Elemental Nimona Robot Dreams Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

What a fabulous range of flicks, though as of the ceremony I’ll only have seen trailers of two of them. Spider-Man continues to wow audiences and awards (like the Annies). It is the smart choice. But Boy and the Heron may well pick it up for the sentimentality and farewell to Miyazaki…but how many times can you cry “last film” and have folks believe you?

My choice: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse Likely winner: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

Documentary Feature Film

Bobi Wine: The People’s President The Eternal Memory Four Daughters To Kill a Tiger 20 Days in Mariupol

Five challenging stories told with skill and emotion. Four Daughters is by far the most inventive, but it has issues as a movie. My guess is that 20 Days will take this. It is topical, ongoing, and brings us all into the story by showing us the expanded view behind the images we all saw during the outbreak of the war in Ukraine. That doesn’t take anything away from the others, but universality and continuing story help it stand out.

My choice: 20 Days in Mariupol Likely winner: 20 Days in Mariupol

Live Action Short Film

The After* Invincible Knight of Fortune* Red, White and Blue The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar*

This may be one of the few areas where the voters will be willing to give Netflix a serious nod. Let’s face it, there just aren’t many venues to produce and show shorts in mainstream media. Not only did Netflix give Anderson a home to show off his work (a collection of several Roald Dahl stories) but financed it. That alone should get them a nod. But the truth is, the result is utterly wonderful. Not that Knight of Fortune isn’t also solid, and should be sought out, but Henry Sugar is packed with production values and story and acting that puts it well above the rest.

[* = was able to see it]

My choice: Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar Likely winner: Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

Documentary Short Film

The ABCs of Book Banning* The Barber of Little Rock* Island in Between* The Last Repair Shop* Nai Nai & Wài Pó*

These are wonderful in their way and should also be seen. Barber for its tale of entrepreneurial success and overcoming systemic racism. Island in Between for its perspective. ABCs for a reverse look at the issues in a way that just might get through. And Nai Nai for its delightful humor (even through the credits) and warmth. But only Last Repair Shop has the scope and range that marks a solid documentary. The connection to music is attached to each person in different ways and with different meanings but with an overall goal that is brought together at the end. It is the richest of the bunch and will brighten any dark day.

[* = was able to see it]

My choice: The Last Repair Shop Likely winner: The Last Repair Shop

Animated Short Film

Letter to a Pig Ninety-Five Senses* Our Uniform Pachyderme War Is Over! Inspired by the Music of John & Yoko

I’ve only managed to catch one of the nominee’s as the ceremony comes around. But from what I’ve read, War is Over is the far favorite, and has a great pedigree in previous nominee Dave Mullins. It also won the Annie earlier this year.

[* = was able to see it]

Likely winner: War Is Over! Inspired by the Music of John & Yoko

Film Editing

Anatomy of a Fall The Holdovers Killers of the Flower Moon Oppenheimer Poor Things

Editing made Oppenheimer. It set the pace and kept multiple time lines straight. It switched visual formats and managed not only not to make a hash of it all, but to be almost invisible and yet still impactful. None of the other films come close, and the Editors guild thought so as well.

My choice: Oppenheimer Likely winner: Oppenheimer

Cinematography

El Conde Killers of the Flower Moon Maestro Oppenheimer Poor Things

While the winner is somewhat a given, El Conde should have given it some run for its money. It is an odd and wonderful film in B&W and uses the screen in wonderful ways. It is almost certainly the one almost no one will have seen. Let me suggest you should (with the caveat that it is a bit weird and violent). But Oppenheimer takes on all the challenges the other films had and then some.

My choice: Oppenheimer Likely winner: Oppenheimer

Production Design

Barbie Killers of the Flower Moon Napoleon Oppenheimer Poor Things

Of all the nominees, Poor Things has the most interesting, inventive, and widest range of effort. Barbie comes a close second on those points. The other options recreate worlds seamlessly, which is no small feat either. And of those, Oppenheimer had the most challenges with varying time periods and shifting between B&W and color filming. But all that said, this is one of the places Poor Things can win and the will is there as well as the delivery. Oppenheimer may well surprise and continue its sweep, but this is one spot where there is a very worthy competitor that could overcome momentum.

My choice: Poor Things Likely winner: Poor Things

Costume Design

Barbie Killers of the Flower Moon Napoleon Oppenheimer Poor Things

Similar to and related to Production Design, Poor things is the likely awardee. Barbie, however, may get one of its consolation prizes in this category.

My choice: Poor Things Likely winner: Poor Things

Music (Original Score)

American Fiction Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny Killers of the Flower Moon Oppenheimer Poor Things

If there was any movie made by its score this season, it’s Oppenheimer. This was by design. Most of the score was ready before the movie began filming. Nolan knew that it would be a character in the film and it is part of the reason it moves as well as it does from start to finish.

My choice: Oppenheimer Likely winner: Oppenheimer

Music (Original Song)

“The Fire Inside” from Flamin’ Hot “I’m Just Ken” from Barbie It Never Went Away” from American Symphony “Wahzhazhe (A Song For My People)” from Killers of the Flower Moon “What Was I Made For?” from Barbie

Per usual in this category, I don’t really have a favorite or that much invested. But I like Eilish and she’s been picking up earlier awards in the category, so I’m happy enough to go there.

My choice: “What Was I Made For?” Likely winner: “What Was I Made For?”

Makeup and Hairstyling

Golda Maestro Oppenheimer Poor Things Society of the Snow

There are so many good choices here, but Maestro has picked up the awards outside the Academy, so I’m going with that.

My choice: Maestro Likely winner: Maestro

Sound

The Creator Maestro Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One Oppenheimer The Zone of Interest

I’m picking this one on faith and based on many interviews and samples. I haven’t had the chance to catch the film yet. But everything I’ve heard and heard about the film makes it clear that Zone of Interest is the right choice here. Absent that, I would have probably gone with Maestro. As much as I loved Oppenheimer’s sound, the levels were too brutal to reward it to my mind. But it still may surprise.

My choice: The Zone of Interest Likely winner: The Zone of Interest

Visual Effects

The Creator Godzilla Minus One Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One Napoleon

Yes, it’s ironic, but my pick for this one is the one flick in the category I didn’t get to see yet. But from those that have and from all the write-ups, it seems pretty clear. Creator may sweep from behind on this one, but Godzilla has quite the wave in viewers and press pulling for it.

Likely winner: Godzilla Minus One

[earthnashes]

FnF Lore: Spirits

After all the recent questions I got regarding the Spirits from my FnF project, here's a worldbuilding post focused on them! I did this earlier before, but this one includes a lot of updated lore and stuff, and will eventually include some artwork in the future. Please keep note though that this is still in the process of being developed and is subject to some changes/additions! <:

So given how long it got I’ll be putting the rest of the info below the “keep reading” tab. As a quick summary, this goes into detail about a Spirit’s appearance, how their magic and Tethers work, snippets of their culture and society, some fun facts, and so on! If you have any questions about them afterward feel free to ask, but otherwise I hope it makes for a fun read! <:

Intro:

Spirits are a supernatural race that are native to an alternate but connected realm (appropriately named the Spirit Realm) in the universe of Feathers and Flowers. While exposure to them varies widely throughout the world, it’s universal knowledge that they exist and are very much real.

Magic and Tethers:

-As a supernatural race, Spirits are inherently magical beings that have soul-bindingly deep connections to the Mortal realm. These connections are part of their core existence and what allows them such fantastical abilities, but it also serves as a great weakness that, should it be exploited, can heavily compromise a Spirit. This will be explained a little later in the "lifespan" section. 

-In the meantime: these connections Spirits have to the Mortal realm are called "Tethers". While what a Spirit is connected to and their specific nuance is unique to the individual, every Spirit has only 3 specific Tethers: 1 animal, 1 element, 1 domain (sometimes interchanged with biome). Each category of Tether has subcategories that a Spirit typically falls into. These categories are generally simplified into what follows:

Animals:

-Birds, Fish, Reptiles, Mammals, Amphibians, Invertebrates

 Elements:

-Water, Fire, Geo, Flora, Air 

Domain/Biome:

-Sky, Forest, Aquatic, Desert, Grassland, Tundra 

A Spirit's Tethers will often correlate with one another. For example: A Spirit's Tethers being Fish, element Water, and their biome Pond. Another example with more nuance: animal Jaguar, element Flora, biome Rainforest.

-------------

Lifespan and Death:

- Spirits are a long-living race, and while documented to live upwards to several hundred years, it's assumed they may have the capacity to be "ageless". This is thought to be the case due to the existence of Cryptids. Cryptids (otherwise known as Greater Spirits) are spirits who have existed for vast extended periods of time, sometimes even transcending the invention of written documentation. There are few Cryptids in existence however, and that's because no Spirit is immune to death despite their seeming agelessness.

The very same thing that gives them their otherworldly magical properties is also a core source to their weakness. Being Tethered to the Mortal Realm means Spirits are extremely vulnerable to the changes of said realm. For example, a Spirit tethered to a lake will become ill if their lake is polluted and often will not recover from the illness until the pollution is mostly, if not entirely, eradicated. Using the same example, if that Spirit's lake is gutted and overall destroyed beyond healing, their Tether to that lake will be broken, and that will leave a Spirit permanently damaged.

A broken Tether can be likened to losing a limb, or an organ, and while a Spirit may be able to survive one broken Tether it's unheard of for a Spirit to survive two. When two or more Tethers are broken, this generally means a fate worse than death: they become Lost.

A Lost is a Spirit who have had their tethers broken and, as a result, become empty, ghostly husks of themselves. The unstable magic within them burn away their skin and eyes, leaving behind a ghostly glow in the cracks and sockets, and they have a consistent, ethereal smoke wafting from their bodies as they move; they were documented to smell like burning ozone. Basically a spirit version of a zombie, they wander across both realms and are extremely dangerous to anyone, driven by instinct and the mindless insatiable hunger to fill the void in the wake of their broken Tethers. They are likely the source of soul-devouring myths in this world.

Lost are, thankfully, extremely rare occurrences, especially in the current time, and the few that remain are remnants of an old bygone era.

Outside of that, a Spirit can succumb to illness and wounds should they be serious enough. It is a common practice (expected even) in Spirit culture to cremate the dead.

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Appearance and Biology:

Spirits vary widely in appearance, which is largely due to the influence their Tethers have on them. Generally, the Tether that influences their appearance the most is the Animal Tether, which usually determines any extra-ordinary features they may have, including but not limited to: fur, scales, spikes, wings, tail, even as far as extra pairs of arms (most amount documented is 3 pairs), so on. But overall, all Spirits have a few common characteristics throughout the entirety of their race. All Spirits are humanoid in appearance, anatomy, and stature, and all Spirits on average are over 8ft tall; they can be likened to being real living "giants" so to speak. Another factor that all Spirits harbor are horns; the appearance of the horn and how many may vary (two is the most common, but there's been documents of one horn or upwards to six) but it's a guaranteed attribute.

Another common attribute that is unique to Spirits are their flanging voices, which essentially means they have "two voices". Spirits speak as if they’re using two separate voices, one clear and the other quieter, almost “growly” or rumbling and echoing behind the clear voice's words, sometimes not even fully forming the words in question; it’s often described as quiet thunder rolling. The flange carries into any language the Spirit speaks, so they sound strange even when speaking a human language.

Despite their overall similar anatomy to humans, Spirits don't have the capacity to reproduce. It's an overall mystery how Spirits come to be, even to themselves, and there are many theories made to try and answer that question, but the only absolutely known and documented fact either side has is Spirits seem to originate and are "birthed" from what is known as "The Heart of the World". A Leyline that sits in what’s considered the center of the Spirit Realm, all newborn Spirits originate from this sacred location, materializing into the world as a very young child.

Spirit children have longer childhoods than mortal children and can take upwards to 40-60 years to fully mature into young adults, but once puberty is over their physical aging begins to slow to a crawl.

Given their longevity, Spirits often look much younger than what their age intel, however Spirits can become elderly. Reaching old age is a sign of wisdom, strength, and adaptivity, and the elderly are highly respected and valued members of Spirit culture, especially given how long it'd take to reach old age and managing to survive long enough to do so.

Every Cryptid in existence is outright ancient in every sense of the word, considered very old even to the long-living Spirits, so much so that they are almost seen like demigods to both the Spirit and Mortal realm.

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Culture and Society:

-Spirits are largely known to be generally peaceful as a race. There have been strong tensions between humans and Spirits in the long-forgotten past, specifically the Witch Hunt period, but even if that left the Spirits with a more cautious mindset toward humans, they both coexist peacefully in modern times.

-With how deeply bonded they are with the Mortal realm, Spirits are generally seen as guardians of nature; it's very common for Spirits to take frequent voyages to the mortal realm in order to visit the subjects of their Tethers to ensure its well-being.

-Spirits have their own native language, which is entirely unique to them and incredibly difficult for humans to speak due to the flange in their voices. Spirits are, however, encouraged to learn human languages, specifically the language of which their Biome tether is native to.

-Given the inability to reproduce, a Spirit's meaning of "family" is different in comparison to mortals. Spirits consider the near entirety of their race a form of extended family, and as such they often refer to each other, even strangers, as "kin".

The Heart of the World, the location in which Spirit children are "born", is a highly sacred location; no visiting mortal is allowed to enter nor know of its location, despite knowing of its existence, while ordinary Spirits are allowed to know of its location however must be granted special permission to enter. It is consistently guarded and tended to throughout all hours of the day, and when a child is "born" they are taken care of within the temple (known as the Nursery) before they are brought to a community to be given permanent guardians. The adoptive parent question is often chosen in collaboration between the priests of the Heart and the heads of the clan.

While spirit children are given officially named guardians, it's common for the community to band together in raising them. They in turn tend to have large families, consisting of multiple mothers and fathers, many siblings and cousins, several uncles and aunts. It's rare for a spirit to be isolated or without some form of family.

-Due to the density of magic in the Spirit realm and their inhabitants' reliance on it, technology is something more primitive in comparison to mortal technology. That said, the magic in this realm more than compensates for the slow advancement, easily able to fit the needs of the Spirits.

-While the Spirit Realm has no true central or over-ruling government to speak of, their societal structure remains relatively the same throughout. Large community groups are often formed as Clans or Tribes, and they generally hold the same hierarchy in each:

The entire tribe is typically under the loose leadership of a Jarl, and while the entire community is seen as the Jarl's "advisers" they a handful of community chosen individuals to act as their council. Each separate clan has similar cultural beats that they share, but overall each clan is unique with their own ways of life and beliefs.

The only form of central authority over the entirety of the Spirit Realm is the Heart of the World. Not only does it house the birthplace of all Spirits, it is the home of the clan that protects the area. The clan consists of no Jarls and instead is under the leadership of 6 Elder Spirits, all of which are considered a Cryptid. The remaining members of the clan are all priests/priestesses that tend to the Nursery, and while they are the smallest clan in the Spirit Realm they are by far the most well respected and seen with the highest regard. If at any point the other clans want to meet on true neutral grounds, they ask the Heart for temporary residence upon the sacred lands they guard.

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Additional funfacts:

-All Spirits can transform into a huge animalistic monster. This "monster" form's appearance and size is mostly influenced by the Tethers the Spirit has and, as such, widely varies. However, they all share the common similarity that they retain their horns despite transformation, and their monster form holds some sort of bone motif in its appearance.

-The importance on hair is seen throughout all of Spirit culture. Hair is generally seen as more than just something that grows on your head, but is instead a significant part of the body, though how that significance translates may differ between the tribes. Haircare rituals are an integral part of everyday life and is often done in the privacy of the home. Unless given explicit permission from both the child and named guardian, the hair of children tended to only by their parent(s) until the beginnings of puberty, in which case they are given the responsibility to do so themselves. Touching another's hair, including the act of caring for the hair, is an act of intimacy and a deep show of trust, and is often performed between those who are close to one another, such as family, friends, or partners.

               -Given their deep connection to the mortal realm and their peaceful coexistence, it’s very common for humans to revere Spirits and welcome them with open arms. This goes by way of offering gifts or, in some cases, building monuments and shrines in their honor. Nowadays, one of the many ways humans patronize Spirits is, indeed, in way of stores and services specifically tailored to them. This includes:

               -Communal bathhouses and spas dedicated to helping Spirits relax and replenish

               -Clothing stores that specialize in outfits for Spirits, especially important since its common for a Spirit to be over 8ft tall in their human form (they’re semi-giant in this form)

               -Mana/Sorcerer shops that specialize in alchemy (scientific magic) that could aid Spirits’ various needs, including medicines and charms

-Leylines are the term used for the seams in which the Mortal realm and the Spirit realm connect and overlap. A sort of "inbetween", think of it as the space in which holds the two realms together. While humans can't cross into the Spirit realm without assistance or guidance, a Spirit use these without issue and utilize them as their means to travel to the mortal realm. There are a few known Leyline systems that are named and have built a sort of economy around it, including the likes of towns, rest stops, hotels, restaurants, and so forth, most of which is usually catered to fulfilling the needs of a Spirit in travel. Other lesser known Leyline systems may only have a small shrine built near to house offerings for any Spirit that come across them, and then there are several Leyline networks that are generally unknown about.

-Many of the creatures in human folklore can be safely assumed to had been a Spirit, back when before their existence became common knowledge. In fact, the term "Cryptid" is a human word the spirits simply began using to describe the oldest Spirits in known existence. One such example is the Loch Ness Monster: she is one of the largest and oldest Spirits known, and she frequents the Loch Ness so much because it's her biome Tether. She is a survivor of a broken Tether as well, having been connected to the long extinct dinosaurs. Tourists come far and wide in hopes of seeing not just Nessie, but others of these "myths", and as such frequently visit spaces of which they're thought to roam.

-While this doesn't happen often, it has been documented that Spirit with a broken Tether form another bond in its place with something similar. The bond isn't something that a Spirit can force and only happens if their magic adapts itself to do so, but the new bond forged in the broken one's place won't nearly be as strong. In contrast, some Spirits who've experienced a broken Tether may feel their other two more acutely; this is due to the magic connected to the lost Tether adapting to repurpose itself into the remain two. That said, neither adaption is guaranteed to happen, and all spirits with a broken tether report feeling something similar to phantom pains and being acutely aware of the loss regardless.

-Despite the frequent visits and extended stays in the Mortal realm, it isn't common for Spirits to actively live in the mortal realm.

-Animals are the only mortal creatures that are able to travel between realms without aid, unlike humans who must be guided in and out. This feeds into the belief that animals have a supernatural connection to the world, in which case is only somewhat true in this universe.

-Witches are mortals with magical abilities like that of Spirits, and as such feel a sense of kinship. Unlike Spirits however, Witches typically only have one Tether (most often an element or an animal, never a biome), and their magic is generally much weaker than that of a Spirit's. As such, aside from basic magic casting, Witches often require a conduit to channel their magic properly, however what that conduit is depends entirely on the Witch.

[arecomicsevengood]

More Quarantine Movies

Going to put up this log of what I’ve seen now, as some of the stuff I liked the most is leaving The Criterion Channel at the end of the month. I really don’t know if anyone gets anything out of these posts, these are mostly synopses and they’re maybe spoiler-heavy. Let me give you the gist of it now: Otto Preminger’s a really good filmmaker whose movies are really interesting, Jean Arthur’s a great actress who enlivens everything and is also in a bunch of good-to-great movies. Also, I didn’t write about it but I rewatched Death Race 2000, that movie rules, feels relevant to today’s politics, and is leaving Criterion Channel at the end of the month.

The Pawnbroker (1964) dir. Sidney Lumet

Based on novel by Edward Lewis Wallant, whose The Tenants Of Moonbloom was reprinted by NYRB Classics with a Dave Eggers intro. Also some of the earliest nudity in a mainstream American film. About the misanthropy of a holocaust survivor, living in New York City, and interacting with black people who vaguely feel like racist caricatures, in part because it’s a movie about a misanthrope told from his perspective. A ton of movies about race from this era feel dated, this feels legitimately edgy, which is a term that gets thrown around somewhat ironically now or viewed as a pejorative, like something trying to offend, this does feel like a genuine attempt to be honest and push things forward (I really was not expecting that nudity) but also doesn’t feel totally successful, definitely not particularly enjoyable.

Shockproof (1949) dir. Douglas Sirk

I haven’t seen Sirk’s later melodramas, this one intrigued me in part because the screenplay was written by Samuel Fuller, and it’s sort of a pulpy noir thing. A woman, fresh out of jail, ends up living with her parole officer who is trying to keep her on the straight and narrow and away from her criminal ex, but they end up falling in love. There’s a thing where the male lead’s younger brother talks about how the lady is beautiful that I sort of wish wasn’t in there, feels creepy to me. There’s a bit of a shift in the narrative with the third act, where the lovers end up on the run, the once-upstanding man now a criminal on account of love, but they are having the endurance of their love tested by circumstance, is one of those things where a story which felt somewhat unique over the course of its telling shifts into something more recognizable.

…And The Pursuit Of Happiness (1986) dir Louis Malle

I have watched most of Louis Malle’s feature films at this point, I believe, and had a vague curiosity about what his documentaries were like. This one, made shortly after he’d moved to the U.S. and married Candice Bergen (something that comes up in Susan Seidelman’s Smithereens, in that some prostitutes read aloud from a fashion magazine that discusses it) he made a film talking to various recent immigrants. He covers a lot of ground, covering people working as doctors, large communities living in housing projects and causing racial tension with black neighbors (who both resent the smell of the food they cook but also suspect they don’t know their rights as the property developers plan to evict everyone and have the projects demolished). By and large everyone spoke to believes in the notion of the American dream of working hard to get ahead. Malle also speaks to anti-immigration think tank people and border patrols. Nothing too surprising but a lot of ground gets covered in a short amount of time. If I didn’t learn anything I at least admired that it felt non-didactic. Anything with more of a point of view or an argument would probably be disingenuous were it to present itself as enlightening.

The Baron Of Arizona (1950) dir. Samuel Fuller

Based on a true story, although with fictionalized elements, about a dude (played by Vincent Price) who becomes a master forger to falsify land grants and claim the entire state of Arizona as his own. Not a great movie, though that’s an interesting story. I bet I could guess what elements were made up for the sake of making a movie out of it, it has this tension of being interesting and unbelievable (although unbelievable by way of rote moviemaking formula), but also the story takes place over an extended period of time and so has some of the structureless feeling of a biopic.

House On Haunted Hill (1959) dir. William Castle

I’m going to confuse this with The Haunting Of Hill House for my entire life, that’s just the way it is. This stars Vincent Price, who’s always great, doing the famous premise where a group of people meet up to spend the night at a haunted house to win money. Vincent Price has a contentious relationship with his wife, who’s openly contemptuous of him and wants his money. There’s a moment where everyone at the house party is given a gun, each in a coffin. There’s a few “twists” all sort of being of the “there was a rational, non-ghost reason for everything” although any of them individually sort of strain the limits of credulity as something that works as a hoax. Vincent Price is basically not the villain, so much as his wife is, although he’s such a ham that loves being creepy that this again strains credibility in that the conclusion of the movie plays against the style with which the previous action has been presented. An enjoyable viewing experience.

My Name Is Julia Ross (1945) dir. Joseph Lewis

This one’s about a woman, looking for work, who falls into a scheme that kidnaps her and puts her up in a mansion, where she’s kept drugged and basically is told to assume the identity of a woman who was killed. I found this one pretty nerve-wracking, as it’s pretty nightmarish, basically about psychological torture. I found this one under Criterion Channel’s Columbia Noir collection, but before these films were considered noir, they were thought of as melodramas, but it’s also sort of a horror film about being gaslighted. There’s a part where they remove a stairwell and try to trick her into falling down? What’s funny is that one of the things that sort of separates this from horror is how quickly it resolves, whereas later work would I think give the audience the satisfaction of seeing the villain be punished in some way, the ending that just goes “then everything worked out alright” ends up making the structure feel more like the whole movie’s reason for being is just to see the protagonist suffer.

God Told Me To (1976) dir. Larry Cohen

Did I write about this already? I watched that a few months ago. Pretty wild basis in seventies grit about people going crazy, committing murders, then goes to a weird/confusing place involving some sort of holy entity in human form, the police procedural aspect butting up against this strangeness which doesn’t feel entirely thought through, and is in fact sort of incoherent, makes for a movie that is, in fact, still pretty good and worth watching although a bit tedious by the end.

Zombi Child (2019) dir. Bertrand Bonello

This I guess just came out in America this year, to the extent that anything came out this year, in theaters, it coming to streaming is basically its release. The zombies in this are of the old-school voodoo sense, taken seriously as a system of belief juxtaposed against French colonialism, as a Haitian teen feels at odds with her circle of friends, flashbacks to Haiti occur. When you watch a bunch of older movies new movies just seem to be not as good. Bonello’s not a bad filmmaker though, he’s able to capture a sort of sensual aspect of particular moments and moods, just not in a way where they then coalesce into a narrative of shifting emotion.

Anatomy Of A Murder (1959) dir. Otto Preminger

This movie is close to three hours long.  It has a Law And Order procedural quality, taking up much of its second half with a courtroom drama, where Jimmy Stewart does a proto-Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer routine. He’s protecting a man accused of murdering the woman who raped his wife. The subject was surely shocking for its time. It becomes pretty clear, extremely quickly that the husband is an abusive piece of shit, but the main thrust of the narrative is still tasked with following the lawyer trying to get him off. Lee Remick, from Experiment In Terror plays the beautiful and doomed wife, who flirts with Jimmy Stewart. Some of these interactions feel weird from a modern perspective, because Stewart’s reaction is like “Yes, you’re a beautiful woman and any red-blooded American male would enjoy looking at you, but it is my duty as a lawyer to paternalistically insist you cover up!” Preminger is sort of known for pushing the envelope, and this one has a lot more talking about sperm and Lee Remick’s vagina than you’d expect. One of the things that’s meant to be a “quirky character detail” is that Jimmy Stewart is into jazz- The score, by Duke Ellington, is great, but there’s also a pretty corny cameo by Duke Ellington where Jimmy Stewart sits in with him, a second pair of hands on the piano. Still, I guess it’s better that he physically appears in the movie than there just being a scene where it implies Duke’s music is played by Jimmy Stewart, as the music is way too good to just be a lawyer’s quirky hobby. George C Scott, from Hardcore, plays the legal expert on the other side. After being pretty long, there is this sort of abrupt, (although well-foreshadowed) downbeat ending, where the jealous and abusive husband flees town to avoid paying his lawyer and to go somewhere quiet he can beat his wife to death, but said ending is played for this “you can’t win them all I guess, shame about the lower classes” quality from Stewart, who is dead broke all movie but seems like he just enjoyed being able to do work for once, even if it’s for a total shitbag. Good movie! Feels thorny and interesting.

Bunny Lake Is Missing (1965) dir. Otto Preminger

This is even better. Great Saul Bass credits sequence too. A psychological thriller where the disappearance of a child gives way to the police not being able to confirm the child is real, and doubting the mother’s sanity, becoming pretty nightmarish, dreamy, and exhilarating by turns. Gets to a place of “huh, I wonder what is going on” and then when that finally resolves there’s a pretty extended sequence of silent escaping/hiding, which is, one of those things that films do really well and is super-satisfying. It plays out amidst this background filled with interesting supporting characters, who all, for the first half of the movie, feel like moving parts in this somewhat inscrutable narrative machine.

The Man With The Golden Arm (1955) dir. Otto Preminger

This one I don’t like. Stars Frank Sinatra, who I find annoying, as a recovering heroin addict who relapses again. While I normally like the sort of scenery-chewing supporting cast that shows up in Preminger things, I really didn’t Sinatra’s nerdy best friend, or his wife with Munchausen’s syndrome. While with the other Preminger movies there’s this feeling of a slow reveal of what the plot is with this one I feel like as soon as you know that Sinatra is out of rehab (which you learn pretty quickly) you can guess the movie will be about how he relapses and then tries to get sober for real.

The Human Factor (1979) dir. Otto Preminger

Preminger’s final movie, based on a Graham Greene novel, featuring Iman making her film debut. Movie is mostly about intelligence agencies seeking out the mole in their mist, with intentions to kill whoever it is once they’re certain. It stars Richard Attenborough, as the source of the leaks. Halfway through the story becomes interspersed with flashbacks about Attenborough and Iman’s romance upon meeting in Africa. Continues the habit of ending on a moment that maybe feels like it should be expanded upon or made more resonant.

Bonjour Tristesse (1958) dir. Otto Preminger

This stars Jean Seberg as a teenager being raised by a single father, David Niven, who’s kind of a cad/ladies man who’s very permissive with his daughter, who seems likely to grow up rich and spoiled and find another rich man to take care of her. Deborah Kerr plays the woman who Niven ends up falling in love for real with, and the conflict is then between this woman taking on a maternal role and a daughter who is resentful of this. Deborah Kerr is in Black Narcissus, a movie I love, and here she comes off as smart, the voice of reason. Seberg destroys her father’s relationship by taking advantage of his sort of innate desire to flirt and be liked by women, driving Kerr to commit suicide, and the whole film is then told in flashback by Jean Seberg a year later, as she flirts with boys but has a great sadness and emotional distance about her, which is both inherited and self-inflicted. I’m partly just writing these plot summaries as my way of remembering what these movies are about, but this one is nice because I get to account for complicated characters who are both pretty eminently understandable. I keep getting hung up on the fact that movies today now have a much dumber idea of what a female character is. Maybe it’s something as basic as the fact that, as people read less, it’s rarer for literary novels to be adapted? As I talk in terms of “less good roles for women nowadays,” which is a cliche, it’s obvious enough that bad roles for men follow, as everyone is only as good or interesting as who they’re playing off of.

It’s also funny to think, in this era of “comic book movies,” that very few artists can make a character come to life with body language and facial expression the way an actor can. “Literary” cartoonists like Dan Clowes or Tomine play into the mask quality drawing creates, generating inscrutability as part of their effect. Many of the biggest names in “noir” comics are removed from the melodrama elements of actor’s performance in favor of an aesthetic based on paperback covers, which makes for something far less lively. Meanwhile, Blutch is an amazing artist who would probably do a great job telling lively character studies in a genre form, but he’s way more preoccupied with these Godard-style interrogations of film’s cultural meaning.

Separate Tables (1958) dir. Delbert Mann

From the same year as Bonjour Tristesse, and also featuring David Niven and Deborah Kerr. Deborah Kerr’s good in this- while she is sort of uptight in a maternal way in Bonjour Tristesse, here she’s sort of crippled by repression her mother imposes on her. It’s a totally different character, but she remains defined by various manifestations of repressed energy; I would say she’s most known for playing a nun in Black Narcissus. She’s again opposite Niven in a sort of romantic context, though Niven’s character is meant to be a neurotic freak and he’s not really convincing in that capacity. I couldn’t really work out what the deal is with Niven’s character, he gets arrested in a theater, seemingly because he takes his dick out to show women? Or that’s how I interpreted what was being discussed, but he’s mostly defended by everyone except this lady you’re supposed to hate for how domineering and judgmental she is so maybe it’s something less bad. I honestly couldn’t figure it out because it seemed like the thing I was guessing they couldn’t talk about. This movie also features Burt Lancaster and Rita Hayworth as a couple that broke up once before and are reuniting now. This movie is pretty dull in a way I didn’t know whether to attribute to it being British or it being based on a play, as it feels extremely both.

Seance On A Wet Afternoon (1964) dir. Bryan Forbes

This one’s British too, and features the quality I recognize from British television, where the stars are not attractive, which always feels surprising. This one’s got a pretty great title, and a great premise. This woman, a professional psychic, convinces her husband to kidnap a child so she can comfort the parents and get publicity. The cinematography’s great. I got pretty nervous watching this, I think I am feeling more sensitive to movies as of late, way more willing to find things upsetting and nerve-wracking than usual. I can partly attribute this to the feeling of taking something in from a different cultural context, that leaves me unsure what to expect, but it’s also true that nowadays I sort of constantly have this feeling of “I don’t know how bad things are going to get” about the world in general, and it makes sense that I would apply that to films.

Only Angels Have Wings (1939) dir. Howard Hawks

Jean Arthur’s amazing in this - saw her the first time in The Devil And Miss Jones and then there’s this whole Criterion Channel featurette video running through what her whole deal is: This vulnerability/innocence crossed with an attempted toughness that really is very charming. Here she plays an entertainer just stopping briefly in town who gets hit on by some pilots, and develops feelings of impossible love for a man (played by Cary Grant) whose insistent toughness and refusal to show fear (despite having a dangerous job, of a pilot, that makes everyone who cares about him fall to pieces with nervousness). It’s this very universal type of entertainment, where there’s all these special effects shots of planes flying and a drama of men being men that’s nonetheless anchored by this love story, carried by the fact that Jean Arthur is very real and complex. She’s also a legit comedic actress, which I think makes her feel richer and more watchable than someone without a sense of humor would be. Rita Hayworth plays Grant’s ex, a woman who couldn’t take his daredevil ways but is now married to another pilot who has to do dangerous flights essentially to make up for an act of cowardice that got someone else killed. She’s got her own charisma obviously (and Cary Grant’s equally solid, in this sort of old-Hollywood glamor way) but Jean Arthur feels very alive in a way that carries the movie.

The Talk Of The Town (1942) dir. George Stevens

This one also stars Jean Arthur opposite Cary Grant, but it’s less interesting, partly because of a domestic setting and some stale-seeming comedy. Cary Grant plays Lionel Dilg, (great name!) who breaks out of prison and hides out in Jean Arthur’s attic, with a hobbled ankle, while a preeminent legal scholar moves in. There’s a love triangle between the three of them, and a friendship between the escapee and the scholar. Grant’s been unfairly framed for arson for political reasons by his boss for pointing out the factory where he works is a death trap. The people of the town are easily turned against this sort of leftist agitator  by a last and biased judge. Insanely enough, there’s a movie called “The Whole Town’s Talking” also starring Jean Arthur but it has no relation to this one.

The Ex-Mrs. Bradford (1936) dir. Stephen Roberts

Upon realizing that many of these Jean Arthur movies were leaving the Criterion Channel at the end of the month, I started taking more in. This is a murder mystery, with screwball comedy accents, and again I’d say it’s really good, although the “comedy” premise wherein a woman sort of plows through the life of a man with no real respect for personal boundaries is the sort of thing that works in a movie even though it seems totally nightmarish when looked at from a certain angle. She writes mysteries, he’s a doctor, people are getting murdered. He is played by William Powell, from The Thin Man movies, which maybe these resemble. I guess the bickering couple that solves mysteries is a trope but it’s one that I don’t think has had any currency in popular culture since Moonlighting, which was in my lifetime but before I would have had any awareness of it. (I would probably enjoy it up until the point where I got bored of the formula.) I thought this was great and would make a good double feature with L’Assassin Habite au 21.

History Is Made At Night, 1937, dir. Frank Borzage

This has Jean Arthur in it too, but the reason I became aware of it was Matt Zoller Seitz tweeting about it. Partly this is because the description on the Criterion site is so bare-bones it barely seems like anything, but it turns out this is because the plot is completely insane and has a ton of twists and to talk about them very quickly veers into spoiler territory. It is, in brief, a love story. The first totally insane in it is the handsome male lead does the “drawing a ventriloquist puppet on his hand” thing and the woman’s totally on board. An element that doesn’t spoil the plot, but does seem somewhat incongruent with the tone, is there’s a French chef character for a comic relief. It’s really good. I’m pointing out the lightest element but the story’s villain is believably sociopathic.

Secrets (1933) dir Frank Borzage

Not nearly as cool or good. While History Is Made At Night feels like a cohesive story that’s just pretty crazy, this one feels divided into acts that have nothing in common with each other. First act is romance, between a rich man’s daughter and his banker. They run away together. I’m basically unsure of when this movie takes place timewise, the rich lady is wearing massive layered gowns I know would’ve been out of fashion by 1933. The second act is a western where they make a home together and have to fight off bandits! But the action is shot in a a pretty disinterested manner. Third act, I’m pretty on edge and bored, but the banker is now the governor of California and is having an affair with another woman, and they’re at a party together, and then the ending feels epilogue style as they’re both old as hell and they have fully-grown children and they’re talking about how they’re taking their leave of the kids to discuss their secrets. Female lead is Mary Pickford in her final film role. I guess this is a remake of a silent film, which was itself based on a play. Yeah this movie sucks basically.

Bitter Moon (1992) dir. Roman Polanski

Sure, I’ll watch a sex criminal’s erotic thriller that’s way too long. Hugh Grant is a married guy on a boat who has a French dude talk about all the sex he and his wife have because he knows Hugh Grant wants to fuck his hot wife. Said wife is played by Emmanuelle Seigner, Roman Polanski’s actual wife since 1989. This is a bad movie by pretty much any metric. It kinda feels like the social function of erotic thrillers is not to be a more socially-acceptable form of pornography, but rather to be pervy enough to remind the audience why you shouldn’t talk about sex publicly and have that be your whole thing. The French, of course, misunderstand this.

The Burglar (1957) dir. Paul Wendkos

Another noir, written by David Goodis. This one is a little formulaic, in terms of what you think of crime movies as being “about.” A burglar, who learned the trade from his adopted father, works with that man’s daughter to commit heists. His gang doesn’t like her. Once the two of them are separated, a corrupt cop seeking to steal a burgled necklace for himself tries to pursue a relationship with her as a means to an end, while a woman allied with him works on the burglar. A drive to New Jersey gets stopped by cops, violence quickly escalates to make the situation more dire. Members of the gang die. Not a bad movie but by no means essential.

My Brother’s Wedding (1983) dir. Charles Burnett

Criterion Channel removed the paywall for a bunch of Black-made independent films, this is one of them, Burnett’s follow-up to Killer Of Sheep. Seemingly starring non-professional actors, it’s about the conflict a guy feels as his brother is planning to get married to a rich woman he resents, and the loyalty he feels to a guy who just got out of prison who everybody hates. The main character is a good dude who wants to help out this pretty dangerous friend the best he can. The film captures his pride and resentment.

Dial M For Murder (1954) dir. Alfred Hitchcock

A few iconic-seeming shots of Grace Kelly in the role of a Hitchcock blonde, i.e. her standing at a phone while someone looms behind her about to choke her, and later standing traumatized. Suffers a bit from clearly being based on a play, with a ton of dialogue, particularly in the second act. The first act is able to provide this very particular type of satisfaction, where someone outlines a “perfect crime” in dialogue and then we see it play out and it falls apart and happens completely differently. It’s funny the criminal gives themselves away due to mistaking one key for another, because this sort of structure really does feel like a key fitting into a lock, things perfectly designed for one another, parceled out at the right time.

[cluttermind]

Without A Parachute (3/?) - No Judgment

Summary:  Emma worked tremendously hard to give herself a better chance. From group homes, to living in her car, to ivy league student, this English Major’s only solace was escaping her reality through books. One night, Emma comes home to find a small package with only her name on it written in beautiful calligraphy. The package contains a thick, brown leather journal. Emma soon learns that the fiction she writes in the journal eventually becomes reality. Will Emma learn to control this gift, or will she fall too fast into the temptation to change too much? With the help of her good friends August, Robin, and Elsa, and the mysterious, intriguing bartender of The Jolly Roger, Emma discovers just how easy it is to lose control, and how difficult it is to pick up the pieces.

Rating: M 

Words: 10,482 total / 3,335 Ch 3

Read on ao3: Beginning | Current

Note: Thought it was time to finally post this here! Thanks for reading friends! I hope you like this one - I had a lot of fun (maybe too much fun) writing it. Here's a little fun fluff and sweetness and lots of pop culture references before things get ~interesting~ Next week will probably be a hiatus while I finish up some [online] finals but a LOT happens in ch 4 so I hope you stay with me. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

//

Chapter 3

“No Judgment”

I can be your lover or your shoulder to cry on

You can be whoever you like

When you're with me, no judgement

You can get that from everyone else

You don't have to prove nothing

- Nial Horan, No Judgement

Emma worked at the bookstore all day on Friday. Being there always made her feel a little better. She was surrounded by books and all the things Belle brought back from her excursions. Bell had recently gotten a new shipment from an independent publisher she had recently found. Rose and Petal Books, while stocking many popular titles, had an extensive collection of lesser-known novels from independent publishers along with a plethora of local authors.

One book in particular caught her eye and there was only one copy sent in the box. The book was bound in a soft, brown leather with its title engraved and filled with gold foil on the cover in beautiful cursive. Into The Page . There was no barcode to scan for inventory.

“That’s odd.” Emma commented to herself, turning the thick book over in her hands. She opened it up to skim the pages and noticed that it was a journal filled with handwritten content. Something about the book felt faintly familiar. While the title was beautiful, there wasn’t anything remarkable about it. She figured it might have been someone’s manuscript that was sent to the publisher that got mixed in by accident.

“Hey Belle,” she called to her boss who was at the register, reading.

“Find something interesting?” Belle asked as she walked over to where Emma was in the back room.

“I think they accidentally sent us someone’s manuscript?” Emma handed her the journal.

“Hm. That is interesting.” Belle gently flipped through the book. “I’ll call the publisher tomorrow. It’s getting late, why don’t you head home for the night.”

Emma looked at the clock. It was 8:00, only an hour till closing anyway. “Sure. I’ll see you next week?” Belle nodded and gave Emma a quick hug. Before leaving, she hung up her apron and turned her phone back on. Emma usually turns her phone off during work and uses the time as an escape from everything. There were a few texts coming into her group chat about the meeting Elsa and Robin were at. Essentially the meeting was going to run long, lots of signs needed to be made before Sunday’s protest about something or other. Emma wasn’t really up-to-date on this particular one. August offered to come help because he was bored.

There was a text from her roommate Sarah to her and Claire that came in half an hour ago.

Sarah to group: Hey, Josh is coming over to cook me dinner and you know ;) can y’all stay out till like midnight? Maybe 1 if things go really well ;) Don’t want any distractions tonight ladies

Claire to group: Yeah I’m staying with Danielle tonight - we’re hitting up the Alpha Delta Pi party tonight

Emma sighed. Her friends were busy and she wasn't in the mood to spend hours making posters and signs after working all day. But the library would be open for a while longer. She could use the computers and scroll through Reddit for a few hours.

Emma to group: Sure thing. Have fun :)

Then she remembered someone she could waste some time with. She walked towards The Jolly Roger and opened the door. It was starting to get crowded but it wasn’t too hectic yet. Emma made her way to the bar and noticed Ruby there along with a man she hadn’t met yet.

“Hey Ruby,” Emma said, smiling. She and Ruby had gotten to know each other since they had first met at the pub. Ruby was a junior majoring in art. She also hated Macroeconomics, the class they were in together, but it was filling a graduation requirement. They studied together a few times and always ended up begging Killian for free food. Emma always ended up paying though, sneaking the money under the plate before she left.

“Hey! Looks like you’re in better spirits today. You okay?” Ruby responded, referencing the previous night that Emma would very much like to forget.

“Nothing that sleep couldn’t fix,” she lied. While the initial shock of yesterday was gone, the pain, the anger, the self-doubt still lingered.

“If you’re looking for the Captain he’s upstairs.”

“What?” Blush rose to Emma’s face.

“Killian. He’s upstairs. Took the night off. Just take the stairs behind the bar, walk two floors up and you’ll be at his door. I’m sure he won’t mind!” Ruby explained.

“Oh. Thanks.” Emma headed up the stairs, and hesitated at the door. Through it she could hear the sound of a guitar strumming. Maybe he didn’t want company. Maybe he’d rather be alone. Maybe he didn’t want to see her . She could just go back and sit at the bar and talk to Ruby for a while. They weren’t super close but she could find things for them to talk about. It was also getting busy downstairs though. Pull it together Emma. She knocked on the door.

The sound of the guitar stopped and seconds later Killian opened the door. He was surprised and happy to see her. “Hello, Swan. What brings you here? A little early for a booty call no?” Killian grinned, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Oh it’s never too early,” Emma played along staring right at Killian who was leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed at his chest. “My roommate sexiled me and I needed somewhere to crash for a while.”

Killian stepped aside to let her in. He was wearing just a plain black v-neck t-shirt and grey joggers. It was odd seeing him out of his work attire - a black button down with two buttons undone at the top and dark, a black vest, and slim-fitted jeans. He watched her as she walked in and closed the door, distracted by her being.

“Sexiled?” Killian teased. “Well if you insist, love. Can’t leave a beautiful woman unsatisfied now, could we?” Emma slapped his arm.

“You know what it means. Sarah kicked me out so she could fuck her boyfriend without interruption. Honestly the warning was appreciated because even my ear buds can’t tune her out.” Emma explained. She took her jacket off and draped it over a stool at Killian’s kitchen Island. His apartment was beautiful. It was an open concept with a gorgeous kitchen, a beautiful island, a ridiculously comfortable sectional, with an oversized chase at one end and a large TV mounted to the wall. Speakers were all over. The doors to his bedroom with glass french doors, making the one-bedroom apartment look bigger than it is. “Sorry for not texting before, I thought you’d be working and was coming to sit at the bar for a while. Ruby told me you were up here.”

“No worries, love. I quite enjoy the company,” Killian said, moving to flop down on the chaise part of the couch. “And it’s clear that you find me so irresistible that you just had to see me tonight instead of one of your other friends.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Oh I can resist you just fine. Everyone else was busy.”

“Ouch!” Killian feigned pain, his hand going to his heart. “So I was your second choice.”

“4th actually.” Emma teased.

“Keep telling yourself that.” He winked and patted the spot next to him. “How about a movie? Anything in particular you’re interested in watching?”

Emma kicked her boots off and flopped down next to him. They were so close their arms and legs were touching. He nudged her foot playfully and he turned on the TV and opened Netflix. She shrugged against him. “Whatever you’re watching is fine. I don’t want to disrupt your evening.”

“You’re not disrupting anything, love.” Killian responded, handing her the remote. “Snacks?” He got up, taking the warmth of his body with him and Emma suddenly missed the closeness.

“When have I ever turned down food?” Killian laughed. She adored the sound of his laugh. It always made her smile. Emma scrolled through Killian’s watch list on Netflix. Ozark, The Witcher, The West Wing, Grey’s Anatomy . The last one made Emma giggle under her breath. So Mr. Bartender is a Grey’s fan. She made a mental note to tease him about that later. Not like she was the one to speak though. Ever since August let her use his Netflix account she’s been on that binge as well. Killian tossed a bag of popcorn in the microwave. “How was your day?” Emma asked, genuinely caring about the answer.

Killian groaned. “Infuriating. It was a lot of inventory and ordering and arguing to get things here on time. I prefer working the bar to that any day. How was yours?”

“Eh, it was fine. I spent all day working down at The Rose and Petal.”

“The bookstore?”

“Yup.”

“Aye, my grandad loved it there. Belle still owns it?”

“She does. Your grandfather lives here? What’s his name? Maybe I’ve seen him.”

Killian leaned back against the island, gripping it a little tighter as his eyes moved from Emma to the floor.  “Nah, love. He used to live here. He passed away 2 years ago, just after I opened the pub.”

Emma’s face softened. “Killian, I’m so sorry.”

He looked up at Emma. “He was a professor at Cornell. In the English department actually.” He tilted his head and smiled a bit. “You remind me a bit of him.”

Emma smiled back. “How so?”

“He loved academia and his research and teaching. He always had a book in his hand. Sometimes he’d lose all track of the world around him when he was working or reading. He was a fountain of useless knowledge. He knew little about music but always asked me what I was listening to, only took his coffee black except for at the pub, and asked me how my day was every time I saw him and always cared about what the answer was.” Killian reminisced. He had spent nearly every summer growing up in Ithaca with his grandma and granddad. Killian still couldn’t believe that he’s gone. “He always made me smile and loved telling me about what he was reading. He was my best friend.”

“He sounds wonderful.” Emma noted, blush creeping to her cheeks feeling both sad for Killian’s loss and flattered at the sentiment that she reminded me of someone he clearly loved so deeply. When Emma wasn’t physically at The Jolly Roger or with her friends or at work, she was usually texting Killian. They talked about nonsense most of the time but there was something comforting seeing his name pop up on her phone after long days. In retrospect, she wasn’t surprised that it was him she made her way to last night when life had shaken her to her core. Emma knew he’d be the one to help her hold the broken pieces together. If she was being honest with herself, it still felt as if those pieces were scattered on the floor. And from the look in his eyes, she could tell he had some pieces there as well.

“Aye. Wonderful.” Killian said. Although it was unclear who exactly he was talking about as he looked at her. Just then the microwave went off, breaking his trance. He opened the hot bag and poured the popcorn into a bowl. “So what’re we watching?” He asked, reaching to grab and open a bottle of wine.

“Well I saw this really fascinating documentary on sharks the other day that I wanted to show you.” Emma explained.

“Sharks, huh? What about them?” KIllian asked, intrigued.

Emma brightened, and animatedly explained the general plot. “So there’s this group of sharks that are living in the water around New York City. And there’s this big storm that’s coming, but no one is listening to the people telling them about the storm so of course no one prepares for the storm. So two tornadoes form over the water picking up all the sharks -”

“Emma.” Killian interrupts her, turning to look at her. “That’s the plot of Sharknado.”

“Sharknado 2: The Second One actually.” She corrects him.

“We are not watching Sharknado 2.” Killian says, chuckling. He hands her a glass of white wine which she accepts as he takes his place on the couch next to her.

“Sharknado 1?”

“Swan.”

“You mean to tell me you have no desire to watch Ian Ziering fight some flying CGI sharks?” She joked. She was clearly teasing him, enjoying the way he laughed at her ridiculous suggestions. Truth be told she’s seen all the movies multiple times. Who doesn’t love a flying CGI shark and an awful romance plot? Emma and her friends had multiple drunk movie nights last semester to watch them all. They provided a good laugh.

Killian laughed. “Aye, how about a real movie?”

“A REAL movie?” Emma feigned offense. “Clearly you have no respect for low-budget disaster films.” She grabbed a handful of popcorn, popping some into her mouth.

Killian nudged her playfully. “I think the low budget disaster movies have no respect for the viewers.”

“That’s the point! But fine.” Emma paused, thinking of a movie. “How about Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No?”

“Again with the flying sharks! You know that you have not listed a single shark documentary yet, love.” Killian jokes, taking a sip of wine.

“What about The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society?” Emma said, taking some popcorn. “It’s one of my favorites. Also Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming, and The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time are just not as good as the first three so I’m out of flying shark suggestions.” Killian stared at her, jaw nearly hitting the floor at the absurdity of the existence of 6 Sharknado movies and the fact that Emma has clearly seen them all. But her actual suggestion was sincere. It was an intriguing story of love and war and literature that Emma had seen at least 10 times. It reminded her of the power that books had.

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” Killian said eventually, choosing to let the Sharknado movies go. He searched for the film on Netflix and hit play when he found it.

About 20 minutes and a glass of wine later, Emma had snuggled closer to Killian. Partially for warmth, partially because her body reacted instinctively to his being so close. Killian, feeling that Emma was cold against him, reached behind them to grab a blanket, tossing it over them and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She leaned in closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder.

Her favorite film about writers and readers and the power of literature and love pulled all of the pain of the events of yesterday back to the surface. The weight of her professor’s words were sitting on her chest like a boulder and she couldn’t bear that weight alone anymore Eventually, Emma spoke softly. “I didn’t tell you the whole story last night.” The words spilled effortlessly out of her mouth. There was something about Killian that made her feel safe.  

Killians eyes stayed on the movie as he rubbed his thumb reassuringly over her shoulder. “Aye, I figured.” He wasn’t about to push her to tell him. He wanted to let her know that he saw her and that she could some to him on her own terms.

“Professor Gold told me I shouldn’t be a writer. That I don’t have what it takes and that I should consider another career.” This caught Killian’s attention. He shifted so he was looking right at her.

“What?!” Killian’s accent was thick with concern.

“He was apparently doing me a favor.” Her eyes were wet. Control was slipping from her grasp. She desperately needed to let go. Emma had tried so desperately to tell herself that none of her professor’s words mattered, to pretend like they didn’t affect her. Truth be told, she barely slept last night, constantly being woken up by recurring thoughts that he was right, that she wasn’t good enough, that she was a fraud.

“What kind of person thinks that’s a bloody favor?” Killian interrupted the tightening spiral of her thoughts.

Emma paused, letting the spiral start to slowly unwind. “What if he’s right?” She whispered. The question she’d been asking herself she had finally said out loud. A single tear escaped from her eye that Killian was quick to wipe away.

“He’s wrong. And you’re too stubborn to let him be right.”

“I just - I don’t know if I can do this.” Emma fell apart. She had held everything together until this moment. She didn’t know if she had what it took to survive Cornell. She didn’t have the support system most people had and she certainly didn’t have the resources others did growing up. Her average grades weren’t helping her imposter syndrome. What if she was here by mistake? What if she would never be good enough? What if she didn’t deserve to be here? Tears escaped her eyes faster than Killian could wipe them away.

Killian pulled her close, rubbing her back. “Shhh, love. Shhh. Yes you can.” He kissed the top of her head. Why? He had absolutely no idea. He hoped it would comfort her. “You made it this far. You got here. You got to this point. Fuck what Gold says. Fuck what anyone says.” Emma let herself relax into his arms locked tightly around her as she choked on sobs, tears falling to his shirt.

Then Killian remembered what his brother used to say to him when he was struggling. “You get to make your own choices. Make them based on what makes you happy.” He gently brushed her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. “Does writing make you happy?”

Emma looked up at him. “It’s the only thing that makes me happy.”

“Oi, now I’m slightly offended!” He joked, smiling at her.

Emma tried to fight the smile pulling at her lips. “Your ego is ridiculous.”

“But I got you to smile, no?”

“You always do.” Emma wasn’t joking anymore. The way he looked at her made her heart skip beats and the way he cared for her scared the hell out of her. Something about Killian drew her to him and she didn’t doubt he felt the same. He ensured she was fed during late night studying and provided distractions when she needed a break. It was Killian she found herself going to when she needed to scream to someone.

They returned their attention to the film. While Killian had no idea what was going on, Emma was mesmerized, whispering some of her favorite lines under her breath along with the movie. Killian spent more time watching her than the move, enamored by the way she memorized her favorite parts, the way her brow furrowed when characters she didn’t like appeared, the way she gently hit his chest to shush him every time he attempted to ask what was happening or who a particular character was.

Eventually the movie ended. Emma reluctantly sat up, sighing as she removed herself from Killian’s arms and the warmth of his body.

“Thank you for letting me interrupt your evening. It was nice to be in a bubble for a bit and feel something other then . . . I don’t even know.” Emma said quietly. Killian turned to look at her.

“Then stay in the bubble for a while longer, love.” He held his arm out to her and she settled against him. Emma rested her head on Killian’s chest, draping her arm around his waist. His fingers traced lazy circles on her back. He wanted to be her escape, her bubble where things were good and where she could cry if she needed to. And she had the urge to be his.

For a while they laid like that - content in each other’s arms, clueless to the world around them, shutting out all the pain they both felt. In time they fell asleep for the most restful night either of them had in a long time.

[piracytheorist]

My Notes on Rewatching “Call Girl”

I amuse myself by thinking that watching this film is an important rite of passage for anyone who’s an all-in Colin fan, as in, one who’ll watch anything and everything he’s in, no matter the content, theme or quality.

I actually used to think that this was a pretty bad movie... but, as you might have seen from my last few posts, I recently realized this isn’t the case. Sure, it is not your average short film, but breaking it down you realize it’s doing most things right from a filmmaking point. I mean, you don’t have to love it, but it does a great job overall.

And I mean, it’s got Colin in it. How bad can it be? ;)

Beware of spoilers, if you haven’t seen the film. And if you do wanna see it, here it is :D

~

I'm still surprised that... this is it. That's Colin freaking O'Donoghue right there. The pirate. The cowboy. The astronaut. The man the myth the legend.

Ah, early 00's.

Wait. Ok let's make a breakdown of the decoration here. There's: 1) a heart anatomy poster 2) a frame with an undiscernible picture 3) IS THAT AN ASTRONAUT FIGURE? dun_dun_dun.mp3 4) a small penguin (?) plushie with a nautical (?) hat on it 5) are those... mantis figurines stuck on the sides of the screen????

Oooooh boy you sure have some very specific decorations on your desk.

The music stops abruptly when Brendan's mother calls out to him to not close the door because she wants to see him studying. That's interesting. Also how old is Brennan supposed to be? Is he supposed to be in high school, or an adult in college? What was the age of consent in Ireland in 2003?

This vibe, though. White perfect shirt and dark vest...

The look of "I'm gonna look at hot girls with my bedroom's door open while my parents argue across the hall" ALSO YES THAT'S A MANTIS

This just makes me laugh so much. Can you imagine sweet innocent (mostly) virgin Brendan typing it and his heartbeat skyrocketing?

Seriously though, that "Welcome back Brendan" thing. With one small addition you add a whole point in his backstory about him trying to deal with his urges.

Jesus I have forgotten so much. As soon as Brendan hears his mother coming, he immediately clicks "Dump her" on the "Virtual Babe" and it just... explodes. 

With a full low-quality boom sound effect to boot. Like seriously if you were trying to hide why the f have your speakers on. You had one job, Brendan.

A rare glimpse into Brendan's room, and I'm trying to understand what the pattern on his sheets are. Maybe I'm just confused by the astronaut figurine, but it looks... vaguely... about space? Like, if you squint, the circular thing on the top left looks like Saturn's rings. No?

Also, Brendan's mom being obsessed with disinfection. That was 2003.

"I don't want filth getting into my house while I'm gone." And two hours later, her son has sex on her bed.

Oh wait, his father says "The only contact [Brendan] has with the outside world is through that bloody computer of his," in a... weird, tone? Like he's trying to placate the mother's fears of any rave party suddenly taking place in the house, but also with his tone (and maybe by using the word "bloody"? idk I'm no native speaker but it piques my interest) it doesn't seem like he's very... understanding and/or supportive of his probably very shy and/or socially awkward son.

Mom: That reminds me, block off the internet, will you? Dad: *scoffs* Why not lock him in a tower while you're at it?

He is sassy though!

Lookit him though! So sad he won't be able to create and look at Virtual BabesTM while his parents are gone.

The parent's accents strike me more towards a British one and I got confused for a bit, but then I remembered that we see Brendan use euros later, lol.

*hatching the plan to search in his father's briefcase for any cards for escort services*

This is where I started feeling that this movie is better than I’d remembered. Like, it does the job of delivering Brendan's guilt over "tresspassing" into his parents room and disobeying his mother, as well as his fear of being discovered, even though he watched his parents drive away, so he'd hear the car if they came back, in a pretty well-done and clear way.

I love how he immediately knows exactly where to look. His father's such an organized fella. Also those pills that he seems to not need immediately (thus leaving them behind for the weekend) are... something. They're put there for a reason and I wonder what that could have been.

There's not even a moment of hesitation, once he opens the briefcase. He doesn't put the card back in, he only looks briefly at his parents' photo but then he's like "Yeah. I'm doing it."

That smile as he sees the card though, lol. 

Casual reminder to have safe sex, lads.

And then the phone operator is like, full business mode. Brendan stutters for one (1) second and she's immediately like, "You want a girl?" She's like, I've had tons of people like you, lad, can't waste my time waiting until you find the courage to ask. You wanna hire or not?

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED The operator asks for the address, Brendan gives it, then asks how much does it cost. Then the operator says "Same as usual." BRUH she knew the address from how often his father used the service!

And then poor Brendan checks his savings and his "Uh..." says it all about how he wishes he could hire someone for longer than an hour. Bro, calm down. It's your first time.

And then he's like, waiting all anxiously by the door. I've never hired an escort service but I feel ya dude.

And of course Barbara the nosy neighbor, here to bring us to the edge of our seats, lol.

Look at how organized their fridge is. Why is that chick suddenly so eager to cook something for him? There looks to be so much food already prepared in there.

And dude. This movie has set-ups. Barbara tries to open a cupboard to like pick up ingredients to cook something, and Brendan, with a sudden "No!" rushes in and closes it. It only makes sense later, when we see that that's where he hid the money for the call girl.

Yikes she booped his nose as she left... what is he, ten? I mean even if he's supposed to be a teen here it's still... like... he's not a little boy to fucking boop his nose. No wonder her mother seems to trust her with taking care of him, with how both treat him like he's a child.

Hi there! You're gonna die :D

Shit I just noticed the portrait on the wall. Is that a... is that a fucking ruff collar his mother is wearing???? (btw I had to search to find that term with "shakespeare collar" XD)

I mean... you can't help falling for it. At first you're like, she seems too... simple for a call girl. But then you're like, who else could it be who also knows his name?

I wonder what would've happened if she hadn't asked to use the bathroom, which prompted her to look at his parents' bedroom and him to... initiate contact. Would he have mustered the courage to actually ask her about it or would he have been so flustered until she'd say something? What would she say? "You know, your mother said you would [something]" and he would FREAK THE FUCK OUT because how does his mother know? Would they have stayed there in awkward silence long enough for his mother to call, him to pick up and find out what she was really there for?

I mean, look at that! I'm speculacting the "what-ifs"! Good fucking movie!

That look, though. You suddenly go from "Aw you cute" to "WTF I know you're thirsty for it but that's... creepy"

Look at that smile, though! She is pretty nosy!

I just... I love everything about this. The way she's smiling at nosing in in her boss' bedroom. Him creeping behind her like the future killer that he is, actually scaring her. The way he says "This is my mother's room," so shy and collected. The fucking music, too. How it slowly builds up from the moment she spots the bedroom and it starts developing when Brendan kisses her.

And that kiss. So chaste and shy and yet she's like, wow yeah let's have sex now.

"You're not as shy as you look." LOL

For the pre-sex scene I just wanna link y'all to @killian-whump 's post about it, since it says it all.

Also dude the voicemail is set up from that moment too, but we've yet to hear what it includes, aside from his mother being bossy about the smallest things. "I hope you haven't gone back to bed." IF ONLY YOU KNEW. Not only what bed he's gone to, but also what he's doing on said bed.

"You don't waste much time, do you?" Lol if only you knew. And again his first response is to apologize if he did anything wrong.

And you know what? Plot twists are a hell of a lot of fun and well made when they make you go back and see things with the new perspective. Like, how chill and simple she was, why she said the last line I mentioned, the newly-known reasons why she said it was kinky to have sex in his mother's bedroom... *slams hand on table* That's a great way to do a plot twist! A fucking plus!

Like seriously, this convo: B: Have you met my father? M: No, but a lot of the other girls have though.

Pre-plot twist viewer: Wow whAT how do you say it like that Post-plot twist viewer: Yeah makes sense

M: I think he gets sympathy from them, like, you know, cause his wife's such an old witch... *realizes* Oh, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that! *more failed excuses and then THAT face*

And like, that's a bit inappropriate in any case but pre-plot twist you're like WTAF. And then you're like eh makes sense for frustrated employees to pity their bitchy boss' seemingly calm husband...

And there's that set-up from before. Job well done, film.

And then their argument about the money. Brendan being confused about the amount, Mandy saying she'll come back and speak to his mother about it...

Seriously though what if he'd found out the voicemail after he'd had sex and before the "confrontation"? Would he like, have sent her on her merry way with all the money and then had more sex with the actual call girl?

And then his instinct, to try and make sure his mother won't find out, is to fucking threaten the woman with a knife. Wow, a little too much, Brendan. And then his first instinct, when they're fighting, is to search and grab the knife and fucking stab her. Lbr though that's just baby Colin finding his call for playing messed-up characters.

Also how did she die so quickly. Guess I found one weakness in the plot XD

And now you're like Jesus he just murdered her but when Barbara comes a-knocking and he looks at her and exasperatedly calls her name, you're like... same, bro.

And the stupid bastard didn't even wash the blood off his arm. Like seriously, Brendan, either do a murder correctly or don't do it at all. At least you can't say he wasn't dedicated, bro sliced his own arm open. *pats head* you'll learn, my little murderous bean, you'll learn.

Brendan: I was doing the dishes. Barbara: Did your parents leave them for you to do? They must have left in a rush this morning.

Yes, Barbara, he can do the dishes, he's in an undetermined age between late teens and-

Barbara: They didn't even make their bed.

Wtf you nosy bitch.

See what I'm saying? Full character development for a character with like, two minutes of screentime.

And then the voicemail drops like an anvil. My first thought when his mother said that Mandy is nothing but trouble I was like "Yo look who's talking" but then I thought that... yeah she did creep in her boss' bedroom, actually had sex with her son in it, then pretty much talked dirt to him about her... I mean she definitely didn't deserve to die, but maybe his mother was a good judge of character for one (1) moment.

And then Lorraine appears.

And Brendan's like "Now I have money for like, three hours with her. Maybe I'll even convince her to help me hide the body too."

“OR MAYBE I’LL JUST KILL HER TOO.”

In conlusion, yup, I’m pretty glad I spent a good hour and a bit watching, analyzing, writing this review and screencapping this film. 10/10 would rewatch and review again.