#also also I'm nervous
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guess who finally became a zedaph patron but is now way too nervous to actually introduce himself or go onto the server!!!!!!!
#mcyt#hermitcraft#zedaph#I Will introduce myself eventually but honestly part of it is like. another person joined same day and I don't want to like.#step on their toes#I'm also the WORST at being brief and so I don't want my introduction to be super long and rambling when others' aren't#also also I'm nervous#it's a Big server actually (zed has like. 260 patrons I think?) and that's kinda intimidating#not to mention all the names I recognise from stream vods and such#but also zed's community is one of the only ones I've never recognised people!!! that's part of why I wanted to join!!!! but still#scary#but yeah it's. yeah#I'm excited but very afraid#don't really have time to hop on the server today anyway cause I have a thing at midday. but like. next week maybe. maybe#rhys' shit#edit: *ever* recognised people. why did autocorrect make that never. that completely changes the meaning of the sentence. anyway
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I am holding so much gender in my hand right now
I'm not starting them just yet, there are some tests and fertility preservation things I've got to do first, but I now have Estrogen! I've been debating getting this for like 4-5 years, I may decide it's not for me after I start. I am still genderqueer/genderfluid and I still use any pronouns. I'm not taking T blockers yet either. We'll see how it goes! :)
If you are wanting to start HRT, I highly recommend Folx. I signed up with them, booked an appointment with a Doctor, and had a prescription for Estrogen within a week! Check them out: https://www.folxhealth.com/
#eret#gender#genderqueer#genderfluid#lgbtq+#any pronouns#AMAB#Folx helped me so much#they got me hormone level tests#they got me a 30% discount on a fertility preservation service#I think they can also work with insurance (which I don't have)#We'll see what happens#I'm nervous and excited
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chucks this overthought fiddlestan au at u
#gravity falls#fiddlestan#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#stan pines#grunkle stan#gravity falls au#gravity falls fanart#love is blind au#uhhhh so i'm nervous to share this bc i've been sitting on this au for so long and i actually rlly like the concept#but i just. didn't know if anyone else would like it#anyway it's MY au i get to make fiddleford morally questionable fuck u#i have comics also but idk when i'll finish them so this comes first#okay go easy on me#bye#my art#mods art#mods draws
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i had a dream last night that i organized a tumblr meetup and we all agreed to go to a local bar together. so i go to the bar but it was a really busy night and i didn't want to ask every stranger "are u here for tumblr reasons" bc that's embarrassing and i'm shy. so i just got a drink and felt very awkward & hoped someone would approach me. tried to look inviting and like i was from tumblr but not like i was "from tumblr". when i left some girl stopped me to ask if i was there for the meetup but i was too shy and asked what's tumblr?
in the dream i went home to make a post about how nobody showed up to the tumblr meetup but my entire dash was people saying they'd gone to the bar but were too fucking shy to admit to being on tumblr so we'd all just had a drink and gone home
#i have very vivid usually very logical dreams due to my ptsd#i'm skipping the part where i was really nervous about what to wear bc i didn't want to wear the wrong thing#also the drinks were all pink & with umbrellas . also after this in the dream there was this guy#who had been there in a chicken costume and was ''funny'' but then he was always outside my window#down the street . in the store. etc.#just standing there . moving like he was drowning. he kept signing that he was choking#and i was too scared to help while his feathers .... floating and bloated in the dry air#.... while he begged me with his weird puffy wings. silently. choking and choking and choking. his toes barely touching down#and meanwhile im like sorry dude i gotta jump on tumblr to talk about this bar experience#dream me: okay the drowning on dry land chicken guy is fine. but i draw the line at social anxiety
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OLYMPIAN GODS
HADES (dev. Supergiant Games)
#hades#hades game#hadesedit#gamingedit#indieedit#gameplaydaily#dailygaming#userrose#tuserrae#creatormari#usercynti#usermbg#usersarah#wlwaerith#vindicia#*hades#*gif#help i'm so nervous about posting this >.<#but also really proud! it's my first time making this sort of gifset
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Eimmet High...temmiE high. OMG!
Part 28 || First || Previous || Next...(Hiatus)
--Full Series--
Next update may take...much longer! I have finals and an internship and not to mention I have to draw- A LOT :')
#Golly!#this is a shorter update but I wanted it to be that way. We've been in the house for a while. It's time to change some scenery!!#Chara using their game narrator voice like “golly!” and “amazing!”#Eimmet high :)) i was really hoping to be able to reference Temmie Chang here. An integral part of UT/DR!! She's awesome!#WE ARE OFFICIALLY ON Day 2 BABY#yes- there is still a little everyman easter egg as well as some other things... ;)#I tried so many new and different things for these panels. I was a little nervous implementing them. But im having a lot of fun with it!#i try to put my own artistic enjoyment above all other things :) its what I strive for.#Angle's landing day! excited for the festivities!#Chara is feeling stabby :)#loved detailing Chara's hand in the last page. When I detail the hands- just know shits getting real#I'm really happy with how I was able to redraw Toriel here. She showed up in the second part and that was it for 2 years -w-#so even if she's not a major character- I wanted to give her some good screen time <3#I did not make the Darkworld “Mayor” just for that one joke....but dang did it fit perfectly.#these 4 pages took longer than I wanted. I got burnt out with school and then finals came!!! AND ALSO EMAILS q-q#deltarune chara timeline#deltarune chara timeline comic#chara#asriel#kris#susie#toriel#tw cursing#cw cursing
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curious and curiouser
#my moment of weakness. let this be the only ts2 image on here [begins to sweat]#ts2#ts2 premades#sims 2#pascal curious#vidcund curious#lazlo curious#nervous subject#i'm not even mentioning it. you know what the relationship between that first character and that last character is.#also hi tycho.#first & second of nervous mohawks are based on the ts4 ''wild'' & ''mad'' hairs respectively by s4simomo. if you care.#& his last one on his ts2 one obviously.#lazlo's monkey shirt is a nod to one of his psp secrets that says he became a scientists because he loved the test monkeys.
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#Fun fact I've never had gazpacho! Was going to maje some for today#But didn't have a chance to go shopping (was on campus all day) and since I'm close to Thanksgiving break don't have the ingredients here :#(Also didn't know before RD that it wasn't a hot soup. The only reason I never would've pulled a Rimmer#is that I'd be too nervous to call the waiter back.#More prone to fall into a reverse Gazpacho Event: Getting served tomato soup cold and not having the courage to get it sent back)#Anyways! I'm sure we'll make a good and totally normal bowl of Gazpacho :)))#Red Dwarf#Original Post
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~Special Agent Dana Scully~
Hi X files fandom ?
I've been lurking around for a while since I started watching (I just got to season 8) and it's so cool to see such an old fandom be so active and so nice to newcomers
I don't feel like I fully did Scully justice, but I'll keep trying
#the x files#im actually so nervous to post this ???#dana scully#mulder and scully#ill try mulder eventually but I'm scared to draw him#txf#txf fanart#anyways if anyone wants to talk about this show to me pls do#also her hand is totally covering the fbi part but that's fine
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post-canon siffrin design!!!! might change it up more of course but!!!! yeah!!!!
he does HAVE something to represent odile and bonnie too,,, it's not just his partners (romantic & queerplatonic), he's got his family too, i just don't know where to put them yet :) so for now assume he is carrying them in his multitude of pockets!!
#paper craft#isat#in stars and time#siffrin#isat siffrin#isat fanart#isat spoilers#spoilers#yknow!!! jic!!! i mean it's post-canon so not really but i mean...#anyways i'm nervous posting thi one but i wanna try n post my arts anyways so o7!!!!!#it... is to be determined if i'll draw this design a whole lot bc i am anxiety : ) but!! this is a lil design in my hea.d....#also siffrin does wear His bonding earring (the simple star stud) but wear's loop and isa's on his belt bc he doesn't actually like earring#in his ears* BC LIKE... IDK. THE AUTISM. but he likes the symbolism of it all so he'll still keep their bonding earring and have his gay li#stud <3#aaaaalso fun fact his lil without-cloak design is so painfully reminescent of my dnd character;s designs :)#bc i project onto both#and they're both rogues#teehee!!!
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neurotypical people will be like "yeah loud noises bother me too" and meanwhile i once had to sit in a closet clutching a pillow sob-rocking for 2.5 hours because a fire alarm went off for a few seconds
#this is an extreme example but it says something i think#actuallyautistic#yes many of the sensory issues that bother me are also mildly annoying to other people#the issue is that's what a mild annoyance to you is a cause of pain and extreme distress to me#it's a medical issue that can disrupt my entire day and ability to function--at which point i get told i'm 'overreacting'#and listen that is not how sensory processing disorder works#it's not ME overreacting it's my sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems malfunctioning on a biological level#and buddy you are WELCOME to try arguing with them but i personally have spent years not getting results from that#they are Stubborn and they do not give a Damn what you have to say
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i've been thinking about exactly why people portraying one of the other crew members successfully killing Jimmy as a "for what you did to Anya" kind of thing rubs me the wrong way a bit and it's because like..... this is just another form of taking agency away from Anya, in a way. it's kind of framing her as some meek, shivery woman-thing who's entirely at the mercy of the men around her, either to hurt her or save her.
(i understand these are mostly for wish fulfillment on the audience's behalf because everyone would like to see Jimmy pay for his crimes. whether or not this is the intention of the person writing it isn't really relevant, characterization happens with or without intent. i feel like it misses the point by portraying it as an 'ideal ending'.)
because... Anya is a capable person. she takes things into her own hands when she can. it was partially(?) her idea to get into the cargo,
(before he interrupts her.. remember when she interrupted Curly in the dead pixel segment?)
it was her idea to get the code scanner from the cockpit,
it was her idea to get the medication from behind the foam.
(the chance to do these things herself is not given to her.)
she'd been keeping Curly alive for months in a critical state somehow, her psych evaluations at the start are only so useless because Jimmy refuses to take it/her seriously and Curly is obviously biased when he puts it into his own hands. he's known him a long time, like he said. "I'll just put good for that one."
there's not a lot of material to work with because of how the game is framed, but it's there. we are working with two very biased perspectives and neither one lends Anya what she deserves
there's significant changes in how she speaks post- and pre- crash, and depending on who she happens to be talking to. i recommend re-reading her dialogue, because the difference is drastic
she acts the way she does around Jimmy because he has tangibly done horrible things to her, is actively hostile, and physically could not escape him by any means. she can't take away Curly's agency herself, in my eyes. you have to remember that Especially in the post-crash segments of the game, it's entirely from Jimmy's POV, and he obviously does not (and has never) thought very highly of her or treated her with a shred of respect
i've seen a general idea that she can't bear to hurt other people for any reason, but that doesn't really track to me. this is the real point of the post by the way
it seems based on the parts where she says she struggles to give Curly medication. "It just hurts him so much, I can't stand the noise." "It makes me nauseous."
it's not really the same thing as, say, hurting someone in self defense
this sounds like she did want the gun itself. this never felt worded like someone who would refuse to, at very least, threaten Jimmy with a gun, with violence. if she had been given the agency to make that decision on her own. she wasn't though
she still tries to reclaim some of it even as she's denied it
by the end she's still trying to keep that gun out of his hands
i think some people overly soften her, for similar reasons the game itself is trying to comment on. she's not a tender victim who couldn't cause pain to another out of the softness of her soul, she's a person who's had every last bit of agency ripped from her repeatedly until she couldn't take it anymore. that's the point. that's why framing her that way, "needing" someone to save her, is odd to me
she didn't need Curly to save her, she needed him to take responsibility
she didn't want to escalate things, but she's not an idiot. self defense was absolutely on her mind
but who knows im just saying shit *smiles serenely*
#dib noise#mouthwashing#sorryyyyyyyyy lol#i will defend you anya o7#its been fun to roll this game around in my brain. gives me something to do#long post#could be reaching though. it's unfortunate so much of her screentime is hammering home how poorly jimmy regards her#or her being scared/nervous in his presence#or trying to placate him#yes i know that's the point#are my feelings on how anya is treated by the the characters the fans and the game itself weirdly personal? yeah sorry#unfortunately i do think they didn't get the anya parts as solidly as the rest but oh well#everything has flaws#i've gone through a playthrough of this game like 10 times for this#you KNOW im sourcing my claims!!#not really an attack on the people who made the stuff i mentioned at the start#more of a commentary on how they relate with the source material itself#yes yes i know giving a crewmate a lethal weapon is probably not the best idea to curly#does that make this situation any less horrifying?#remember: these aren't real people. everything they do was written on purpose for a reason#i still need to write down my general thoughts on the game as a whole..#also not about one specific person post image writing ect it's a collection of things and ideas thrown onto one post#I'm not any good at ending posts like thase it kind of devolves by yhe end but thats ok
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I like the idea that Cross realised Killer was touchstarved (he didn't have the words for it but he noticed how much Killer would settle down from it) and started giving him very small basic affection. Pat on the back, hand on the shoulder, maybe a quick friendly hug, all things he probably learned through royal guard training and thinks of as normal friend/coworker stuff.
But as they both got more comfortable in the routine of it, Killer started instigating touches and he was not shy about it (like not just leaning into Cross's side during movie night, he looks like he's trying to get into Cross's jacket with him)
And that this more intense affection made Cross realise he might also be just a little bit touchstarved
Bonus:
#UTDR#UTMV#Cross Sans#Killer Sans#The cuddles are mutually beneficial#Both of these boys desperately need a little love and affection#Really I just imagined Killer hugging up on Cross so close it looks like he's a living blanket and I wanted to draw it#And then y'know what? Throw in HorrorDust cuddles too while we're here#Cross is nervous they'll find out he desperately wants touch and think less of him#As if he didn't just have the exact same revelation with Killer and nobody said a word#As if he isn't sitting across from people literally in each other's laps#It's okay he won't get rid of Killer any time soon and he's about to be like a barnacle on this man#So he'll get all the hugs he could need#I'm in a very sappy cuddly mood today it seems#Also I forgot the username but the person who made the ''we need more kross'' post this one is partially for you!!
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I think it was about time I introduced tumblr to my book Crowley... who eventually became a walking love letter to Latino culture lmao
(You can think of him as a Book Crowley who spent way too much time in south america)
Language wise, he's an amalgamation of all latin american spanish dialects (+pt-br) so,, have fun translating some of the things he's saying
#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable husbands#good omens fanart#aziracrow#book omens#my book Aziraphale is fuckinh HUGE btw#he's taller than show Crowley#also I'm from Peru and of indigenous descent so shhhhhhh to the ppl who could see this as problematic#its happened before and im paranoid#latino crowley#my beloved#sorry to the brits but we re kidnapping your child and raising it as our own#that first and last ones are old#aneh draws#also i just wanna say he didnt start off this way#i literally just wanted to make him physically OBVIOUSLY indigenous#and then everything got out of hand in the best of ways#god im nervous sorry#aneh wont shut up
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"I never knew you were a hugger..."
"No body protects nature better than you, sweet Amy."
Whoa, he's bisexual! I didn't know that!
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#shadow the hedgehog#sonamy#sonadow#sonamyshad#sonic prime#sonic prime spoilers#Look. I love sonadow so goddamn much. But ALSO.#sonamy was something I was OBSESSED with as a kid. I don't love it as much as I used to but I still find it adorable like sonadow.#We got good food from these hedgehogs.#This was in my drafts since when Season 3 came out and I was so nervous to post this because everyone has OPINIONS about sonamy.#<--- Which I don't blame them for. Some sonamy fans are not really... nice. Let's just put it at that.#Plus everyone has different opinions on sonamy and that's okay! I'm just happy that there are fans with opinions that differ from mine-#-but are also fantastic people I look up to! Makes me feel like I'm not alone 😊
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#Danny Phantom#because i'm so close to finalizing part one of FOtPoD & i want to post it so bad but also i'm so nervous i might just freeze & never do it#i need to take a break from this fic for a while after part one is posted cuz i literally am going insane lol#hopefully not too long though cuz there's 12 parts & i'd like to publish all of them#in the meantime i will be sitting in my room vibrating at the speed of sound blasting music & going crazy
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