#also a fanfic to write which I’m still doing no worries there

[caitlynmeow]

ugh gonna try to conjure my dimitrescu hyperfixation back by watching some videos and hoping for the best

[bkgexe]

if all else fails, i was myself

bakugou x reader ✾ 4.6k

info! no smut sorry gang ✾ tw! trust issues that manifest as issues w physical intimacy/contact, dubcon in its vaguest definition (NOT bkg & reader) ✾ notes! ive been in perpetual writers block for months. is this trite idk. i miss my baby but anytime i write for him im like oops this is gonna be 60k words!!! so here is. a drabble lmao. also big lmao moment this is titled after count me out by kendrick lamar ldskfjdlkjf which was on repeat while writing so uh sorry mr. lamar abt the mha fanfic

katsuki has always known that part of him is wrong.

he’s never liked being touched. every kiss he’s experienced has made him tense as an elevator cable poised to snap. any attempt to go further than that has made him a little ill, made his gut feel like a stack of loose papers being torn to shreds, slow and loud.

it doesn’t help that he’s only ever had three kisses in his life: eijirou at a new year’s party (too many teeth), eijirou again at another new year’s party nearly a decade later (too much tongue), and then his fourth date with kyoka (when he tried to convince himself he just had to push through the discomfort to become normal).

things went further than that. it was a mistake. they both knew it right after it happened—kyoka first, and then katsuki after his head stopped pounding with what if i'm doing this wrong what if she's pitying me for fucking this up what if i don't know how to touch another person correctly what if i was supposed to learn at some point and i missed it how could i fucking miss it will it always be like this because i can't do this again i can't i don't—

“kat," she said after. she looked at him with something only a few degrees removed from pity, and poorly removed at that.

he attempted a halting non-apology. he attempted a real apology. failed at both.

"it's okay, you know," she said. "to not like it."

he scoffed even though he wasn’t entirely clear on what she meant by it, because there was so much he didn’t like. “i like it just fine.”

“if that was liking it, I’m honestly worried about your capacity for enjoying life in general.” it wasn’t a joke. her bluntness was something that'd made katsuki think he could push his boundaries with her. all of her thoughts were laid out plain for him to read, an open-source journal. “i'm just saying you don't have to like it. and you don’t have to force yourself to do things you don’t want to do. don't fuck yourself over for someone else's happiness.”

kyoka still texts him often, checks in, invites him to drinks with their friends. she’s kind. she’s normal. she doesn’t have this weird, shredded thing inside her that makes her balk at the idea of someone’s hand on her skin. that makes her think she's doing something wrong, even if she's not the one that initiated the touch.

when you started your job at the front desk of katsuki’s agency, he never thought that he'd be here, wishing above everything that he could just be normal. just for one fucking day, so he could laugh at your shitty jokes and maybe brush his knuckles across the back of your hand in passing and take you on a date where he could kiss you in his car after driving you home and the thought wouldn’t make his skin crawl, wouldn't tear up his insides to pulp.

because he fucked everything up. he's standing in his empty office where you'd been spending time with him and he fucked it up and hurt you and he's not sure how to unfuck it.

the thing is, he could grin and bear it. he could deal with the odd thing inside him that hates the contact and white-knuckle it through every kiss, every caress. but he’s never been a great actor. he wouldn’t be able to hide that from you.

(kyoka told him, years later, that it’s not that the sex itself wasn’t fine—what made it nearly unbearable for her was the fact that she could tell, only after it was too late, that being physically vulnerable with her pained him far more than he was willing to reveal.)

no one wants to feel like the person they’re with is grinning and bearing it. that they’re white-knuckling it through. katsuki knows this. he knows he’s basically a fucking virgin all but in title at thirty and that he’s got the personality of a dried-out fig you find in your fridge weeks after its last edible moments. he doesn't have much to offer.

but he walked into work one day and nodded at you, curt, a grimace on his face—and you smiled at him so kindly that his stomach twisted.

with you, it wasn't the feeling of something being torn apart. it was different, lighter. leaves wrenched into the sky by a strong breeze. still a kind of tearing, but different—less destructive.

he was wearing a deep carmine sweater his mom sent him in one of her bi-monthly care packages (as if he’s not an adult, and a pro-hero on top of that), and you said, “that’s such a nice color on you. is it new?”

there was that breeze inside his chest, strong, pulling at his bones. “yeah,” he grunted. then slowly, as if remembering how: “thanks.”

it was the attention, he thought at first, that piqued his interest. he wasn't used to it. people always watched him from afar, and he had fans online that were borderline obsessive, but people didn’t approach him. they didn’t say that’s such a nice color on you. they didn’t smile the way you smile.

he’s always had a shallow streak. it’s not like he doesn’t know this. it’s become a little muted over time, a little discouraged by the visible scarring on his face and body from his time in the field, but it’s never fully been eradicated. so it was simple, he thought. you paid him attention and stroked his ego, and he preened like a self-obsessed bird of paradise.

and then you started making these little origami whale sharks.

fucking stupid. it bothered him an annoying amount. you had a bunch at your desk, all different colors and sizes, some taped to your desktop monitor, some hung up with little pieces of string under the desk's storage overhang. you drew dots on the back of each one, a distinct spotted pattern that was unique for each shark. and you made them for everyone but him. eijirou bought you a pack of high quality origami paper and you made him his own fucking school, all with little faces, winking or surprised or angry, their wide paper mouths gaping and empty, the lines of their bodies pressed careful and sure.

he hated it. it was annoying and a waste of company time and he usually didn’t ever use dumb corporate slogans like “a waste of company time” but you were really pushing his fucking limits.

it was definitely just the attention he liked, he told himself, because surely someone doing something as dumb as this would annoy him to no fucking end if he spoke to them.

and then he spoke to you and he was wrong.

he asked why you made the damn things in the first place and you told him, “i like whale sharks. but to be totally honest, i just run out of things to do."

and he saw that as a challenge. you were running out of things to do? rest assured he could find more shit for you to take care of. so he did. tasks that he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy, they were so dull and time-consuming. and you were so achingly competent that it drove him up a fucking wall. you completed everything he asked of you in half the time it would take someone else, and you always reported back with a smile, and you always did good work, and he could see himself having a conversation with you about something other than work but he didn't want to try because he was worried he'd begin to like you as a person.

you're pretty. really fucking pretty. he can see that now, and he sure as fuck saw it then. you're hardworking. you're just likeable, and that's something katsuki had never been. it (reluctantly) impressed him. worse than that, it turned his feelings for you into a sort of interest.

but he knows he's not normal when it comes to things like this.

he tried to distance himself from you because of it, but it turns out that asking someone to do work for you means you do have to speak to them sometimes. and sometimes turned into a lot of times.

sometimes turned into bringing him coffee in the morning, not because he asked you to, but because you're sweet like that. sometimes turned into being the person he bounced ideas off of when he had a board meeting coming up or something otherwise boring and meticulous. sometimes turned into you laughing at his prickly comments rather than going quiet because of them. turned into you saying suck it up, dynamight, this is what it means to be the boss when he complained about doing paperwork.

sometimes turned into staying late with him at the office, getting take out for the two of you to share while you finished filing claims and damage reports and other stuff he hated taking care of by himself. sometimes turned into him asking you to stay late just because he wanted you there. because even when he was quiet, you'd tell him about your day, about things that happened in the office, about how much you like the book you'd both been reading. he loved listening to you talk. felt comfortable enough to tell you things about himself when he'd never felt comfortable doing that before.

sometimes turned into you holding out a piece of fried tofu from your take-out container for him to eat while he was approving time-off forms that he should have looked at much earlier that week, and you being so close that he could notice how good you smelled, and the warmth of your body basically radiated towards him, like all your energy was focused on him, and your smile was small but somehow even more lovely than usual, a secret for him to tuck away and keep, and when you finished feeding him and he had a little sauce on the corner of his mouth and you reached forward to wipe it off for him and your hand lingered there for a moment and your eyes fell to his lips and what if you try to kiss me and i'm wrong and you hate me for it and what if i can't give you what you want and what if i'm not actually what you want what if i've disappointed you already what if—

it was too much.

so he fucked it up. your thumb was so soft against his skin. he reeled backwards in his chair, rolling it whole feet clear of you, and he felt the tearing again, the bad kind, like paper unevenly shredded by clumsy hands, and he had to leave. he had to leave. he needed to leave so badly that it felt like pulling his skin off would be preferable to being in that office with you.

hiding in the bathroom was fucking pitiful. he remembered his breathing exercises. he remembered to ground himself. and when he came back to his office, you were gone.

if he was normal—and he wants to be normal, god fucking damn—he could have stomached your proximity. he could have eaten out of your fucking hand. he could have touched you back like a normal person probably would have and he wouldn't be here, alone, looking at a little purple sticky note you left him that says i finished organizing the pto forms. i hope you feel better!

he doesn't know whose pride you're trying to save with that. as if you didn't leave because he made things so fucking awkward by running away from you when you touched him. when you—maybe, if he was reading the room correctly—were about to kiss him.

and you don't speak to him for days. he doesn't want to push so he doesn't—just watches you out of the corner of his eye whenever you're both in the same room, which is arguably worse. he's not sure. he's just itching to fucking talk to you because he misses it.

he misses you. in a more-than-friends way.

it takes a while for him to realize this. when he does, it hits him like a metal rod up the side of the head. it's fucked up of him to miss you the way he does when he doesn't feel like he can provide you with the things a normal person could. and though he's worked on his patience over the years—worked on understanding that he can't have everything he wants—it doesn't stop him from being selfish and finally pulling you aside to talk.

and baffling as fucking ever, the first thing you say is sorry. "i know i should've talked to you about it earlier. i just—i shouldn't have done that. and i know it. i shouldn't have assumed that—i don't know. that you..."

you look helpless. it's one of the very few times that katsuki has ever felt the compulsion to touch someone. not because he wants the touch, per se, but because he wants to be able to provide comfort. he never figured out how to do that with words. he's so focused on his inability to comfort you that he barely has any idea of what you're actually talking about. instead of doing anything at all, he just stands there like a fuckwad.

"i just want you to know that i would never—like never—have touched you, or tried to... if i didn't think there was like, a vibe?" you shake your head, exasperated with yourself. "god, even that sounds so bad. i'm sorry, i just—"

"wait, what are—?" and then it clicks, because he's been slow on the uptake figuring out his shit when he should have been focusing way more on yours. "there was..." katsuki says, and he fucking hates that he can't find better words for what you were both feeling in his office, "a vibe."

the way your face changes when you're flustered is one of katsuki's favorite things, but it's not as enjoyable when he feels just as flustered as you look. "i—oh? so... so you—?"

his ears feel like they're being attacked by two heated straightening irons and he knows they're red as hell right now. he's gonna have to say this plainly even though he'd rather get his teeth pulled out one by one with a pair of pliers. "it's not you."

your expression loses any sort of hope it once held. you press your lips together and sigh, maybe a little exasperated. he's doing his best here but he knows his best is shit. "i can handle a non-cliché rejection," you tell him. "honestly, i'd prefer a non-cliché rejection—"

"i'm not trying to reject you," he says, and it's selfish of him. because he's really not. he isn't comfortable with the things you'd want from him, but he still wants you in some capacity. "i just don't—do shit like that."

"kissing?"

somehow knowing for sure that you did want to kiss him in his office makes him want you more. he likes that you're bold. he likes that you're not ashamed of that. he wants to be different than he is. "any... of it," he struggles to admit.

"at all?"

he nods.

"just—like touching, and stuff?"

it sounds so juvenile that he can't help but laugh through his nose, roll his eyes. "yeah. touching and stuff."

"oh."

you're disappointed. of course you are. it's not like he expected anything different, but—sometimes he fucking hates his life. hates that he can't be the thing people need him to be. hates that trying is so difficult, that it flings his stomach into space, like a throwing stone skipping across a still lake.

"so you don't go on dates, or anything."

"haven't tried."

"do you not want to?" you ask, and he can tell it's more of a genuine question than anything. you're curious about him, like you always are. it's more than he deserves, for all he can offer.

"doesn't make sense to."

"that's not what i asked."

it's not. and so katsuki listens as you ask your question again, and he really takes a moment to think.

considering the answer to your question leads him to his first date with you. and his second, and his third—his fourth, and he's keenly aware that his last fourth date ended with what he expects all dates are supposed to end with.

he takes you to the aquarium. because of all the fucking origami whale sharks. you still haven't given him one and it sticks in his craw like a bone. in front of the backlit tank that holds sharks of all types, shapes and sizes and teeth he's never pictured possible of a living creature before, he asks, "why sharks?"

you look at him, brow raised. "i don't know. they probably needed the biggest tank in the aquarium. and this looks like the biggest tank."

"no, dumbass—your sharks. the ones all over the fuckin' office."

"what, you don't like them?" you ask, but you're smiling, sly.

he shrugs. he thinks they're dumb as hell. he wants one to hang up at work, like the ones you've got hung up at your desk. "they're whatever. they clutter the fuck out of ei's office. and he's already got issues organizing." you've just made eijirou so many at his point, and it's getting ridiculous. "but what—are they easy to make, or something?"

you laugh a little. "no. not at all, actually." a whale shark swims by, its spotted hide shimmering in the tank's eerie blue lighting, and you watch it intently. "but it'd be boring if it was too easy."

this date ends with him walking you home from the aquarium a few blocks from your apartment and you smiling at him and telling him that you had a really great time, and he feels like a fucking freak because you don't even expect more. you don't wait for a kiss. don't look disappointed that he doesn't try to give you one. the way you look at him holds so much affection that he doesn't deserve and he has no idea how to reciprocate it to you, and somehow he lands on, "make me one."

"one what?" you ask, but he thinks you already know what he's asking. you like to play coy. he likes it when you play coy. when you're enjoying yourself.

"one of your little fuckin' paper things," he mutters, because admitting that he wants one of those dumbass sharks feels somehow demeaning. he doesn't want you to know how much he's wanted one. "ei's got a million of 'em."

your hand was on your door handle, but it falls to your side. he's keenly aware of its proximity to him. he doesn't feel that terrible ripping in his gut and its absence is almost frightening to him. your fingers tighten into a fist. it's cold out. "ah, and you're jealous?"

"no," he says, knee-jerk. "i just don't get why everyone gets one but me."

you smile when he says this and he could live in this image of you, delicate and small and made for him. he goes home and thinks about it until he falls asleep. thinks about it even beyond then, feels that strong breeze inside him tearing every leaf from its grounded perch.

here's the thing—nothing against jirou, but unlike his other fourth date, this one was enjoyable. more than. he loved watching you be amazed by the size of the whale sharks, and he loved watching you put a bunch of coins into the penny press and cranking the machine until one was squeezed out into the pattern you wanted, and he loved watching you lay your hand against the glass where the rubbery wings of a flood of stingrays battled for your attention, and—

he loved watching you. that's weird, right? he sounds like a fucking lunatic thinking that.

but he does. he hadn't realized until now how difficult it had been not only to touch people, but to look at them. maintaining eye contact, watching someone do a simple task out of interest instead of staring them down in an attempt to intimidate them. he's so much more fucked up than he thought but what makes it bearable is that he can do it with you. he can watch the way you enjoy things and feel like he's not intruding on something he shouldn't. without even trying, you make him feel welcome—wanted.

that's it. you make him feel wanted.

the realization affects him in a way he doesn't understand. at work the next day, when you smile at him over the top of the front desk, he feels something incredibly strong—something like instinct—that tells him to touch you. small. a thumb brushed across your cheek. his fingers grazing yours. he wants it in a way that can't be right because he's never wanted to touch someone like this.

he doesn't do it, but he thinks about it all day. your little smiles when you notice him watching you on your dates, the way your fingers graze your lips when you cover your laugh, the softness in the way you regard him. you're quiet, reserved, but when you laugh you laugh hard. he wants your soft, your quiet and your loud, he wants the feeling of your fingers on his lips, he wants your smallest smiles, all things he wishes he could fold up and keep and later display somewhere he can always see them. a school of paper fish, gaping mouths and drawn-on spots and such carefully pressed lines.

so on the eleventh date—(he knows it's ridiculous to count, but he's never spent this much time with one person before, not like this)—he reaches for your hand when you're walking alongside the bay, the air turning cold in the wake of the sunset that the two of you had just witnessed. that's romantic, you'd teased when he asked you to watch it with him. he'd rolled his eyes, shrugged you off.

but maybe he wanted it to be romantic. maybe he wanted to make this as normal as possible for you because nothing has been normal between the two of you so far.

you pull back when he reaches for you, as if on instinct. look up at him, confused, when he reaches out again. "katsuki..." you say, and it sounds as if he's done something wrong.

he tries not to let his brain spiral but thoughts drip inwards. water meeting a dented hull. what has he done this time? what else has he fucked up by being fundamentally wrong?

"you know..." you start, and you lose your words.

he thinks of kyoka, years ago. it's okay, you know. to not like it. he wonders if you'll still text him like she does.

your lips pull into a frown before you speak and katsuki can't breathe. "i was never gonna ask on my own because i know you don't like talking about things like this if you don't bring it up. but—um. katsuki—do you think i expect something from you?"

"huh?" he asks, dumb. breathing is still something he fails to do.

"i know that this is—different. i know you have some things going on that make the physical part hard for you." you look up at him so earnestly, and he loves looking at you. he loves looking at you and doesn't want to have to stop and he's worried that this is it. the moment he'll have to stop. you try to smile and it's small and he wants it all for himself. careful. delicate. secret, for him. "i'm not gonna lie to you. i don't know what a relationship without that kind of stuff looks like. but that doesn't mean i'm not willing to find out. it's—i don't need you to try to do something you think i want you to do."

"i'm not."

"it makes me feel a little sick, kat. honestly. it makes me feel like, i don't know—like i'm taking advantage of you, or something—"

"you're not."

"you don't have to do things like that to keep me around." you look flustered, eyes darting from his face to the skyline. "if you want me, i'm—you know."

it's okay, you know. "i don't know."

"i'm yours," you say, and cringe immediately at your words. "or like—i could be, you know, kind of whatever you wanted, if you—if that's what you want. would want."

katsuki can only remember a few times when his head was this quiet in the presence of someone else. when he trusted someone enough to let his mind go blank, to let himself act on instinct. "can i kiss you?"

you sigh. "this is what i was saying. i don't want you to—"

"no," he says, quiet, and he's closer to you than he's ever been. he likes the way you smell. he's not gonna apologize if that's weird. "i just want—god, i feel pathetic asking again. can i just—?"

just, just, just. just a touch, just a kiss, just a moment of your fucking time—it's all he wants. and he's never wanted like this. he's never trusted like this. his head has never quieted entirely because he's so sure that he's not going to disappoint you, or be something you don't actually want, or be wrong.

you've shown him that he can't be wrong with you, regardless of whether or not something within him is broken.

your lips are warm, a little chapped from the dry air, and he tries to remember what kissing chastely is but it's like something breaks in him further the second the two of you touch. his hands are cradling your face, his tongue is gliding against your tongue, his teeth are clacking against your teeth, and he knows the kiss is bad and wrong and messy but he suddenly needs it. he needs to feel you.

you make a noise against him and worry slices into his stomach before he realizes it's a quiet, breathy moan, and maybe you've been okay without the touch but that doesn't mean you don't enjoy it when you receive it. he can tell he hasn't made his boundaries clear enough—your hands circle his wrists, too cautious to go further, too hesitant to grip him like he thinks you want to. like he wants you to want to.

his teeth hit yours again and you laugh, and he pulls back, stomach tight. there's a hope in him that's ready to be torn.

you see it in his face—the fear. "i love kissing you," you blurt out, as if it's the only reassurance you can think of in the moment. "i mean—you're just." you laugh again, and he realizes it's nerves. you're just as nervous as he is. "can i—can we go somewhere warm? and maybe do this more? or—if this was enough—"

he's pulling you towards his apartment before you can get another word out.

kissing you is easy because you make him feel like it's relatively new for you as well. maybe that's how it feels for everyone every time, but he wouldn't know. he just feels comfortable with you. like you're not so much better than him, like you're not waiting to laugh at him when he fucks up, like you're touching him because you really want to.

so he takes you to his apartment and puts you on his couch and kisses you until your back is against the armrest and he's looming over you and you feel comfortable enough that your hands stray from his wrists to his shoulders to his hair and he didn't even know touching someone could feel like this.

put aside the fact that he's nearly finished in his fucking jeans three times just from your fingers running across his back, from the way you cup his cheek when he pulls back for air because he keeps forgetting to breathe—just having you close is intoxicating. he wants to bury his face in the curve of your shoulder, he wants to bite marks into your skin that'll stay vibrant for weeks, he wants to etch himself into you so deeply that he doesn't have to leave. these wants aren't even sexual—it's something about having you be his. i'm yours, you'd told him, and he hadn't even known that it would be exactly what he needed to hear.

he's in love with you, which isn't shocking to him, but he knows he shouldn't be in love with you yet because people that aren't fucked up in the head don't feel shit like this so quickly. he's not gonna tell you this for a very long time, but he knows—so completely and confidently—that he will reach a point when he can tell you.

"you sure you want this?" he asks, breathy, between kisses.

you stop kissing him, brows raised in surprise. "katsuki, we don't... this is a lot for one night. we can take it slow, still."

"that's—i'm not talking about that." he gives in, then—lets himself bury his face in the crook of your neck, lets himself breathe in deep, lets himself find your hands and intertwine your fingers, and you can probably feel that he's hard as fucking metal for you but that's not what's important right now. it sure as hell makes it awkward to try to have a serious conversation, though. "you sure you wanna deal with all... you know. my stuff."

"are you sure you wanna deal with all of my stuff?" you counter, and he pulls back to look at you. kissed rotten and smiling. "of course i want to deal with it. i like you."

and he likes you too. god, he likes you so fucking much.

the next morning, long after you've left for home, he finds a little orange whale shark hidden behind the alarm clock on his bedside table, stars in the place of eyes, and the trace of you is enough to make him feel warm. to hope that over time his apartment becomes full of the little paper creatures until his home is its own aquarium, until everywhere he looks is a memory of all you've brought him—pieces of you, perfectly arranged and delicately folded by your careful hands, much too gentle to tear.

[herdarkestnightelegance]

Bedhead

Pairing: Astarion/ g/n unnamed You

Tags: the fluffiest of fluff

Length: 1k words

Summary: You woke up in Astarion‘s tent for the first time.

A/N: I'm really starting to enjoy this whole Fanfiction writing thing! Thank you all for all the love on my last fanfic Magpie Stash 🥹 👉👈

Once again I have to thank @nyx-knox for the thoughtful beta-reading, helping me to smooth out the bumps in the story ✨

Shout out to @onlyancunin. You know why ❤️

::::::::::::::::::

A single strip of sunlight falls directly onto your face, waking you gently. You don’t stir but slowly, you open your eyes. For a moment you’re disoriented. This isn’t your tent, is it? Slowly you look around. No, it’s not. And then you remember. It’s Astarion’s. And now that your senses catch up you feel him next to you, his arm laid sleepily across your stomach. You blink almost in disbelief at the feeling of him still beside you.

This is new. Yes, the two of you have spent many hours together, sneaking away for moments of passion both here and in your tent, out in nature, in a couple of caves and a temple even. But usually you went your separate ways afterwards. Occasionally, you had fallen asleep next to each other but you usually woke to find him gone or already awake and half-dressed, like that first morning after the Tiefling Party. Never had you woken up to feel him still slumbering beside you before. In his tent no less.

But then you remember. Arms pulling you closer as you were about to disentangle from him, a kiss on the delicate skin below your ear and a single whispered word. “Stay?” 

So you stayed.

You turn your head to look at Astarion. But to say what you see is not what you expected would be an understatement. 

Unable to stop it, the corners of your lips curl up in an adoring grin. Often have you seen Astarion meditate on this journey. Usually lying on his back, his head resting on a pillow, hair immaculate, the ruffles on his shirt laid out perfectly, face relaxed and his fingers doing that dainty fingertips-touching-thing you’ve come to adore.

But this was not that.

Beneath a mess of tangled sheets, Astarion is lying on his stomach, one leg stretched away from him and the other at a weird but apparently comfortable angle. One arm draped over you, the other one tucked under his head, barely resting on the edge of his pillow, which has somehow wrapped itself halfway around his head. He looks completely disheveled and … utterly adorable.

It’s the light chuckle you can’t suppress that seems to wake your lover. He opens his eyes groggily, their crimson color practically glowing in the strip of morning light that had also awoken you.

In the few moments before he fully wakes from his rather unusual meditation, you see it clearly on his face: a flicker of a pleasant surprise to find you still beside him. Followed by confusion. Then a moment of vulnerability. And finally you see his trademark cocky smile slipping onto his face.

 “You’re up early, darling.“ he says in a casual yet sleepy tone. “I thought I’d all but worn you out last night.”

“Good morning to you too.“ you answer back, the smirk lingering on your face. Slowly, he pulls his arm off you and turns onto his back. His slender body stretches deliciously, and you roll onto your side to face him, unable to take your eyes off all of his beautifully exposed pale skin. When he eventually sits up, you can’t help but let out a giggle.

“What?”, he asks, looking down at you.

“I’m sorry - it’s just …” You reach out your hand towards that mop of stunning white curls that look like an exploded feather-pillow, but you pause, waiting the slightest of moments before actually touching him. You realize you’ve never really… touched his hair. Sure, you had weaved your fingers into it, tugged at it in moments of passion, but … fixing these beautiful curls seems almost too … familiar? You can’t help but worry it’ll bother him. “May I?” you ask cautiously.  

Astarion leans his head towards your hand ever-so-slightly, signalling you permission to touch his hair. “I’ve just never seen you like this, that’s all.” His curls are incredibly soft, even in their disheveled state. Has anyone ever seen him like this, you wonder.

“Like what?” he asks in a relaxed tone but you detect the slightest hint of insecurity. Inspecting his beautiful face for a moment longer, you notice the red skin and creases the pillow has left around his cheekbone and the drop of dried blood in the left corner of his mouth from when he drank from you.

“… Tousled,” you finally answer, still unsure if the word captures how endearing he looks to you in this state.

He huffs a laugh. “Well, my dear, you too are looking rather unkempt.” he says as he plucks a tiny, honest-to-god pillow-feather from the tangled mess on your own head. The two of you look at each other - all messy hair, dried blood, squished faces and sticky skin. 

You wonder what the pale Elf is thinking, what he is searching for while he is studying your eyes so intently. Because all you feel in this moment is fondness. Fondness for him, for waking up together … for whatever it is that exists between the two of you. And you think he maybe feels  it, too. Because, to your delight, a smile spreads on his indented face, his fangs momentarily glinting in the morning light before the both of you let out a laugh. He is so beautiful to you in that moment. And your heart swells in a way it has not done before, to the point of aching within the confines of your chest.

It’s Astarion who leans in first to kiss you then, running his fingers over the bird’s nest that is your hair. “I do think you look quite delicious like this, you know?” he whispers against your lips before pushing you down, pinning you back onto the bedroll as his weight comfortably settles onto you. You feel him smile into your kiss and you know it’s sincere. “So let’s see if we can mess up this hair of yours a bit more, shall we?”

[gentaro-kinniecom]

New Beginnings

Characters: Zayne/fem!reader

C/w: 1.4k! (Read at your own risk, meant for +18) mentions of breeding, married life, somewhat graphic descriptions of sex. Zayne wants to be a father although he doesn't admit it..he just wants to get you knocked up.

A/n: Finished writing this instead of my english essay because... There's also a Rafayel fanfic in the making so stay tuned for more <33

“Zayne? It’s 1am, you still haven’t come back to bed..” I said, leaning against the door frame as he sighed, typing away on his computer while passing a hand across his hair, trying to calm himself down. 

“I know. I’m sorry, I’ll be there”

“That’s what you said an hour ago..you’re tiring and exhausting yourself to the point of death at this point” Zayne sighed, closing his laptop and getting up from his desk chair, walking towards me with a soft grin trying to comfort me. 

“Are you satisfied now?” He asked, hugging my waist as we walked towards our shared bedroom. Ever since we got married, Zayne has gotten more work than usual piled up on his desk every time I go to visit him at work. It worries me that he’s overworking himself because of money, which hasn’t been an issue at all given he’s a doctor and works in a very respected hospital. But what other reason might it be? I laid in our shared bed, feeling myself drift away to sleep when suddenly, Zayne wrapped his arms around my waist. 

“Mhm, thank you” I replied, snuggling up to him while caressing his soft dark strands of hair that fell on his face, smiling. He muttered something under his breath that I couldn’t quite grasp as Zayne kissed me goodnight. I couldn’t help but stay awake for a few minutes, looking at the city lights by the window and back at Zayne’s sleeping form beside me.

Woken up by the sound of something crashing from the kitchen, I got out of bed with a small yawn, walking down the corridor of our lovely home to see Zayne had a mess of pancake batter all over his “kiss the cook” apron while sighing in annoyance before turning towards me.

“There’s shards of glass on the floor..please, be careful” I nod, grabbing a broom from the closet room and coming back to see Zayne was picking up the broken pieces from the floor. I suddenly stepped in one while trying to hand him the broom which made him look at me with worry, I try not to cry as he can clearly see the tears pricking my eyes.

“I’m fine I swear..” Without a second thought, he quickly lifted me onto the kitchen counter, carefully yet skillfully removing the glass from my foot as Zayne chuckled.

“Having you like this, reminds me of our honeymoon. Remember when-” I stopped Zayne by placing a hand over his mouth, trying to not remember that day where he fucked me into oblivion in our hotel’s kitchen island, right before breakfeast too.

“Why must you always make me remember? It’s like you’re hinting at wanting kitchen sex right now..” A chuckle left his lips as Zayne’s body inched closer, his hands grabbing my waist gently, kissing my neck while whispering sweet words that had me falling into his desire.

“Because, shouldn’t being a husband imply taking care of his wife’s desires as their own? Is it too bad that I want to be greedy with you for a few moments?”His hands began to trail under my nightgown and towards my chest as he began to rub my nipples, making me whine while kissing him.

“Alright, fine. Just seeing you in this apron alone made me feel things, did you do it on purpose?” I asked half jokingly as Zayne kissed my shoulder before taking off my nightgown, leaving me naked on the counter while grinning ear to ear.

“Perhaps, although now I see what you’ve been meaning to hide all this time; you’re trying to rile me up, and it’s working” He then kissed me, taking his sweet time to stroke my clit, agonizingly slow, teasing me as I whined into his mouth. Zayne didn’t take this lightly and spread my legs apart in a second. 

“And to think this wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t break the glass measuring vase today” I added, gazing over at Zayne who kneeled towards my pussy, blowing on it gently before sucking on it. I gasped as his tongue did wonders, had I really forgotten of that day, or was I too fucked out of my brains to remember? Possibly the latter. He suddenly grabbed my thighs, massaging them in a way that made my cunt drip with more arousal than before. Of course, I was impatient, so I grabbed Zayne’s hair, pulling him upwards as he got the message.

“Maybe it was fate or clumsiness on my behalf, at least we’re making something out of this.” He spoke, yet I was too focused on how quickly he was to take off his pants, making me wonder why the hell was he wearing work pants so early in the morning. Nonetheless, all my thoughts vanished out the window as soon as I saw his cock. It wasn’t less than average or more, slightly curved and girthy, the type that never wants to let go once he’s had a taste..that..is the man I married, and the man he will always be. The small but noticeable vein on the side made me drool as he stroked himself a few times before prodding at my entrance. 

“Please, don’t make me wait longer, my love” 

“I thought, you weren’t the type to beg for something, it seems there’s a first for everything after all” Pushing my hips to meet his cock, Zayne grabbed them harshly, not enough to leave a bruise but enough to put me in my place as he smiled. The moment he thrusted inside, I threw my head back at the overwhelming pleasure Zayne was giving me at the moment. My hand found Zayne’s shoulder as he continued to pound at my dripping pussy. He let out a sharp groan as he finally reached my g-spot, making me let out a breathy moan while speeding up.

“Is this what you- hah wanted all along? For me to breed you? Make you carry our child? Answer me.” Zayne’s voice dropped to that soft and warm yet firm tone I always loved. Without any doubt, I answered almost eagerly.

“Y-yes..! Oh fuck~!” I sobbed due to the stimulation he gave me, in a hazy rush, Zayne grabbed my thighs, thrusting sharply yet deeply, enough to make me crave more.

“You’d be such a good mom, look at you, all needy and willing for me. I can’t wait to expand our family with you” He said, panting afterwards as he unexpectedly came inside rather quickly than normal. Pulling his cock away from my puffy cunt almost regretting his decision not long before seeing his cum leak down with a faint smile on his face.

“Stay here, I’ll go grab a towel.'' I nod, smiling at his gentleness as he comes back to clean me up. Zayne’s lips met mine as a ‘thank you’ from my behalf for being so kind and sweet as always. We eventually got dressed once again as I looked at my husband through the mirror of our bedroom, walking downstairs as I stared at the kitchen momentarily.

“So..what are we going to do about breakfast?” I asked, causing him to laugh while he grabbed both the house and car keys as we exited the front door.

“I know of a brunch place that just opened up nearby, perhaps we could give it a try today”

Some weeks later, I started feeling sick and began vomiting sometimes during the morning. I had a feeling it was because I was pregnant, however, my husband wanted to run some tests for me in the clinic near the hospital he worked at, “just to be sure” his words not mine. At the end of the day, I returned home waiting for the results to come back as I heard the front door open. Zayne tried little to hide the smile on his face as he handed me the envelope from the clinic

“I don’t need to read the letter at this point with the way you’re smiling at me” I teased, opening it up to show that I was indeed 3 weeks pregnant with his child. Zayne hugged me briefly before kissing my lips ever so softly.

“I promise to be the best father for our child, thank you for allowing me to have the blessing to start a family the day we got married, I love you.” He spoke, tear-eyed as I hugged him back, crying happily onto his chest.

“I love you too..I’ll never regret marrying the man that treats me like a queen and makes sure I have everything I need.” 

[coquitokisses]

Back Together | Bucky Barnes

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader, (husband!Bucky Barnes x wife!reader, dad!Bucky Barnes x mom!reader)

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings/Tags: Bucky being dad and hubby material, fluff, angst maybe?

Summary: Bucky and reader are married and have two girls, but because of Bucky’s work, reader decides to “break up” and have been separated for a few months. (Let’s say that this “job” was when the whole thing with John Walker happened in TFATWS, idfk lol)

A/N: so I’m currently writing a fanfic (on wattpad) and I had this idea, but I’m not there on the fanfic just yet lol so I decided to just post it here (also, my first language isn’t english so if there are any errors or mistakes, I’m sorry lmao)

The girls are like 4 and 5 years old and those aren’t the names I have planned on using for the fanfic, but it’ll do for now.. and Steve is alive and well lol (he doesn’t make an appearance, but I do mention him, like I said, this idea came as I was writing a fanfic so what I did was try and edit it a little bit so yall don’t need context and shit lol just enjoy okay?)

A/N #2: this is my first time doing this so just bare with me please lmao

It’s almost 10 pm which means Bucky must be on his way to bring the girls back after having them for the weekend. You were away in Seattle the whole weekend for work, but anyways it was Bucky’s turn to stay with the kids. They were supposed to stay with Wanda tonight, but since you arrived earlier than anticipated, you told her that Bucky was gonna bring them over.

You’re not on the best terms. Actually, you’re broken up at the moment and have been like that for like three months now. It all started because of Bucky’s “job”. You always said that he wasn’t being careful with the things he did and you didn’t like the constant worrying about him every time he went out to do his things. He didn’t really see it that way which made you get into a really bad fight and you decided to break up because he wasn’t putting his safety, or his family, as a priority and you didn’t like that.

Which was kinda true. So you’re currently not living together. Bucky has been staying with Steve, or with Sam whenever he comes to New York. The girls usually stay with you and then Bucky takes them on the weekends, but whenever you can’t take them to school (or get them on time) or something on week days, then Bucky takes them without a problem.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pick them up for you?” Wanda asked while on FaceTime with you

“It’s alright, red, don’t worry.” You replied “Besides, Bucky’s probably on his way anyway.”

“Still haven’t talked?”

“Well we talk, just not about us.” You said walking out of the kitchen

“And are you guys still, like, mad or..?”

“I don’t know.” You let out a sigh

“Steve told you he got out.”

“I know.”

“So?”

“I just.. I don’t know, I haven’t talked to him about it.”

“Well I think you need to.” She said “Just have a little chat and see where things are at.. you guys still love each other.”

And you did. Of course you did. And the girls want you to get back together too. But you just haven’t talked about it again.

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.” You replied and just as you said that, you saw the car lights through the window “He’s here, I gotta go.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“I will, love you.”

“Love you more.”

You hung up the call and left the phone on the couch before heading to the door. You opened it and saw Bucky walking over to the house holding Olivia, your youngest, in his arms and Eloise was walking right next to him. And the three of them just looked tired as hell.

“Hi mommy.” Eloise ran over to you

“Hi, pretty girl.” You immediately hugged her

“Say hi to mama, Liv.” Bucky said as he got closer

“Hi mama.” Olivia opened her arms wanting you to pick her up so you did

“Hi, my angel.” You kissed her cheek

“Sorry to bring them so late, we just got out of the cinema.” Bucky said

“Buck, it’s fine, they don’t even go to school yet.” You told him “Did you guys have fun?” You asked the girls

“So much fun!” Eloise replied excitedly “We also went to the trampoline park earlier.”

“Oh well that explains why someone’s a little more tired than others.” You looked at Olivia and she rested her head on your shoulder

“Mommy, can daddy tuck us in tonight, please?” Eloise asked

“Baby, I’m sure mommy had a really long and tired flight and she just wants to sleep.” Bucky told her

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You said “Daddy will tuck you in, sweetheart.” You tucked a few strands of Eloise’s hair behind her ear

“Daddy, come on.” She grabbed Bucky’s hand

You all went inside and you gave the girls a quick shower before Bucky helped them get in their pjs.

“Mommy, are we staying with auntie Wanda tomorrow?” Eloise asked as she got on her bed

“Yes, baby, I need to go to work.” You replied

“Can’t we stay with daddy?”

“Daddy works too, honey.” You moved her hair out of her face “I thought you liked staying with auntie Wanda.”

“We do, but we wanted to stay with daddy again.” Olivia spoke

“Well I can pick you up at auntie Wanda’s house when I get out of work, how does that sound?” Bucky told them

“And we can get dippin dots too?” Olivia looked at him with puppy eyes

“We can get whatever you girls want.” He said squishing her cheeks making her giggle

You couldn’t help but smile a little. You loved watching Bucky with the girls, he really is an amazing father and they love him like crazy.

“Alright it’s getting super late, time to sleep.” You said to them

“But mom!” Eloise pouted

“No buts, listen to your mom.” Bucky said “Come on, get in bed both of you.”

Each of the girls got in their beds and Bucky went and tucked them both. They have their own separate rooms, but they’re pretty close and they’ve always wanted to sleep in the same room so when the time came and you bought Olivia her big girl bed, Bucky just placed it in Eloise’s room. Anyways, when the time comes when they get to the point where they don’t even want to look at each other, you’ll probably make Bucky move Olivia’s bed back to her room and problem solved. But for now, they absolutely love being in the same room.

“I love you.” Bucky kissed Olivia’s forehead “And I love you.” He then kissed Eloise’s “So so much.”

“We love you too, daddy.” They said

“Now get some sleep because auntie Wanda is coming early tomorrow to pick you up before I leave.” You leaned down to kiss each of them on their heads “I love you both so insanely much.”

“Love you too, mommy.”

“Now go to sleep or I’ll call the slender man.” Bucky said as he turned off the light

He quickly closed the door once you got out of the room and the girls let out a scream that made you both laugh.

“You’re evil.” You chuckled “Creating them traumas so young.”

“It gives them strength.”

You rolled your eyes laughing. “Of course.”

You both went downstairs and then Bucky went back to the car to bring back Olivia’s shoes and a few toys that the girls left in the car. While you put them on the dining table, Bucky was just telling you what they did and how the girls were on the weekend.

“Liv didn’t even asked for my help to wipe her after using the bathroom.”

“No?!” You looked at him kinda shocked

Potty training Eloise was way easier than training Olivia. First she was afraid of the toilet being flushed, then she was afraid that something would come out and bite her, then she didn’t want to stay alone while using the toilet. It’s been a rollercoaster for all of you.

“No, she did it all by herself.”

“Oh my god, really? I’m gonna cry.” You said with a hand on your chest

“She said she’s a big girl and big girls don’t need any help to go potty.”

“She is a big girl.” You said “Fuck, they’re both getting so big.”

“They are.” He nodded “How was Seattle?”

“Fucking amazing.” You said excited “It’s so pretty.”

“And how did it went? Are they planning on transferring you?”

“Hell no, I told Nick I’m not leaving New York.” You replied “If we were still living in the compound, then this would’ve been a whole different conversation, but we’re not and we have kids now so no, I’m not leaving even if they pay me more.”

“Well if they are paying you more then..” he raised his eyebrows

You laughed. “You know what I mean, idiot.” You rolled your eyes “But no, I’m not being transferred.”

“Then why did you go?”

“Nick said that they needed someone like me for some training.” You answered “It was great, I got to teach a few people about self defense, how exciting.”

“I’m glad.” He said with a small smile

He was genuinely happy for you. He knew how much you’ve missed working like that. Being an agent, a spy, you missed it. But at the same time, it wasn’t really in your plans anymore ever since you got pregnant with Eloise. It happened during the blip as well so you weren’t exactly working as an agent or spy anymore so you just decided to leave it behind for good. Until recently.

“You know, if it’s really what you want, then go for it.” He told you “The girls aren’t stopping you and neither am I.”

“I know, but it’s just that I feel like I’m on a different stage in life now.” You said “It felt fucking amazing, don’t get me wrong.”

“Then do it, talk with Nick and tell him to put you out there, that’s what you want.”

“I don’t know.” You let out a sigh

“We’re not going anywhere, you know that, right?” He said and you looked at him “And how cool would it be for the girls to say that their mommy is a spy?”

You laughed. “They will brag about it for sure.”

“And the best part is that you’re great at it and always have been.”

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.” You shrugged looking at the time on the stove “It’s getting very late.” You looked at him

“Ouch okay, I’m leaving.”

“Oh my god.” You rolled your eyes

“Are we gonna keep this up?” He looked at you

“What?”

“This nonsense.” He motioned his hand between the two of you

“This nonsense?” You arched an eyebrow “Do I need to remind you whose fault is it that we’re on this position right now?”

“It could’ve gone so much better, but little miss I’m extremely petty over here, doesn’t like to listen to people and doesn’t care about anything other than her opinion.” He said

“Oh don’t make me mad, James.” You crossed your arms

“It’s the truth and you know it.”

“I think you can go now.” You said turning around and starting to walk away

“See what I mean?” You heard him say from behind “Can’t we just talk about it like normal people?” He asked following you

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.” You said turning around to look at him

“Well I think it is.”

“Bucky..”

“Y/N, come on.” He sighed “It’s been three months, are you gonna keep pushing me away?”

And he’s right, you’ve been kinda pushing him away. To be honest, the whole thing could’ve been avoided if Bucky and you came to an agreement, but you never did. You were upset that he was going away with Sam to do all these things that you weren’t okay with and you were thinking about the kids, which, at the moment, he wasn’t doing and that pissed you off. That was the whole thing. He didn’t want to empathize with the way you were viewing the whole situation and he was kinda making you look crazy. Saying things like “it’s not a big deal” or “everything will be alright, you don’t need to freak out”.

How does he expect you to not freak out when he doesn’t care about doing all this dangerous things? Was he insane?

In other circumstances, if you didn’t have kids for example, maybe you would’ve been a little bit more okay with it, maybe. But it’s a whole different scenario now.

And you were kinda pushing him away, sort of. But it wasn’t intentional, it’s just that you were kinda petty and there were times where he wanted to kinda fix things, but you wouldn’t let him because you would find a way to push him away unconsciously.

“You made me feel like I was exaggerating when I clearly wasn’t.” You said

“Because at the moment I did feel that way and I didn’t want to view the situation the way you were.” He explained “And I know I was wrong for that and I’m sorry.”

You let out a sigh. “You still went.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I should’ve stayed here with you, I regretted it the moment I left with Sam.” He said “And I came back as soon as I could.”

“And you stayed with Steve.” You rolled your eyes

“Baby, you wanted to kill me, do you really think I was just gonna come and ask you to take me back after that shit? Like you were just gonna accept me.”

“… Well, you’re kinda right.”

“I know, Steve told me you were pissed and that you wanted to punch me.”

“I did tell him that.” You nodded

“I’m sorry, I really am.”

“It’s fine, just forget it, I’m sick of the topic anyway.” You replied leaning on the back of the couch

“But are we fine?” He asked

“I don’t know, are we?”

“Well I’d say we are, kinda.” He got closer to you “You want me to do anything?”

“You could start by fixing the damn back door.”

“Again? But I just fixed it a few months ago.”

“Well I think you did it wrong because the doorknob is broken again.”

“I need to change that fucking door already.” He rolled his eyes “Anything else? Are you still mad at me?”

“A little.” You replied

“Just a little?” He moved his hands to your hips “I can help you change your mind.”

“Easy there, soldier.”

“Easy my ass, come here.”

Before you could even protest, his real hand grabbed your neck and he pulled you in for a kiss that screamed need. You really missed his kisses and just the way he would always give you a peck, whenever and wherever, whatever you were doing, he didn’t give a single care in the world. This man could see you sitting on the toilet and he still would go and give you a quick kiss.

“God, I’ve missed you.” He whispered on your lips “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

“I did too.”

“Can we please never fight again?” He gently put his forehead against yours

“As long as you don’t piss me the fuck off doing some stupid shit like that again, we’re good.”

“Good.” He nodded before kissing you again

“And I swear to god..” you started saying between kisses “If I see you again that close to John Walker, I’m gonna kill you.”

“I know.” He said lowering his hands to the back of your thighs and picking you up

masterlist

a/n: should I post the fanfic here? What do we think? Lol (I’ve been thinking about it A LOT lately)

**UPDATE! I ended up uploading the fanfic and here is the masterlist for it lol

Anywaysss, hope you liked this! <3

(Likes and reblogs will be appreciated)

[lovelynim]

Fanfiction

Zenless Zone Zero - Asaba Harumasa (feat. Reader x Harumasa)

A/N: I don't even know where I start to explain the idea behind this one. Well, fanfics are canon in ZZZ and Harumasa is aware his fans write fics for him so... yeah.

Summary: Harumasa is reading a fanfic at work.

Word count: 1844 words

Harumasa sighed, slouching in his chair while the report pages rested empty on top of his desk. There was still about two hours before he could finally clock out and his body simply refused to waste its energy on filling those insufferable documents.

He already had to risk his life fighting ethereals, exploring hollows and doing medical check-ups, why did he also have to worry about explaining how any of those went? Why did it even matter in the first place? They just happened, weren’t the higher ups glad enough that he saved the day?

“Asaba-kun,” a cold, firm female voice came from behind him, making Harumasa jump in his seat and sit back up straight, dragging him from his thoughts back to reality. “Are you making progress with your reports? It would be troublesome to request another deadline extension after a two month delay.”

“D-deputy chief, you scared me!” Harumasa whined softly, his hand pressing flat against his chest while he looked up to Yanagi with puppy-like eyes. “Of course I’m making progress, but it’s just so har-”

“Good,” Yanagi nodded with a smile, giving him a gentle pat on the shoulder, “I’m sure you can make it up for all the reports behind the schedule, Asaba-kun,” she added before walking away to pay some mind to whatever matter was going on with Soukaku and Miyabi.

‘So mean!’, Harumasa thought, how could the deputy chief of all people not even bother to offer him some help with that endless pile of work? He frowned, resting an elbow on top of his desk and his head on top of his hand. Well, there were still two hours, right? He could kill off some time and do that report later…

He reached for his cellphone, which was just by the side of the pile of work he was trying so hard to ignore, and mindlessly moved his thumb around the screen, drawing an arrow and unlocking the device.

Browsing through the interknot shouldn’t be that much of a big deal to most people, but things may get a little interesting when you have an army of restless fans that are chronically online, to say the least. It was still a little hard for him to believe what kind of thing his admirers would do and create: drawings, banners, edits of his fights’ footage with upbeat songs, and even fictional stories… Now that he thought about it, Harumasa was probably the one inside the Section 6 that paid the most attention to these contents: Yanagi usually brushed them off with a polite smile, not even daring to give them a second look; Miyabi didn’t understand the concept behind people’s admiration towards her; and Soukaku only cared about the gifts she could eat.

Still, while being popular could be a little troublesome at times (like when he was trying to sneak out with a certain proxy), having a legion of followers would come handy at boring moments like this. After all, Harumasa knew there would always be something to entertain himself with.

“Masa-masa enthusiasts explain why he is so cute; Check it out!”, “Ten things you didn’t know about Asaba Harumasa!”, “Harumasa caught secret dating?!”, “Harumasa spotted at the Lumina Square! See more pictures here”...

Harumasa rolled his eyes, scrolling past all the posts he deemed dumb. Why was the tag with his name filled with so many weird articles anyway? Where was the good stuff at? He let out a quiet groan, continuing to search for something that actually deserved his attention.

He continued to search, post after post, article after article, photo after photo. After a couple moments digging throughout the interknot, a post from the “Archive of Our Eridu” caught his attention. Finally some good fan made content, Harumasa through, smirking slightly as he clicked the link and opened it.

“‘Harumasa/Reader’, huh..?” He mumbled, shifting in his chair as his eyes moved past the tags, skipping the summary and the author’s notes to finally get to the actual story. 

‘You watch your captive slowly regain his consciousness, his muffled groans barely making past the improvised gag and his limbs’ moving restrained by the tightly tied ropes’- Harumasa arched one eyebrow at the content and its form, remembering one of the fanfic’s tags. 

Right, this should be someone else’s point-of-view, which means… the said ‘captive’ was him? Wait, how was he supposed to read it if he was doing both roles? 

Harumasa frowned, shaking his head. Probably the author never expected him, of all the users in the interknot, to stumble upon this. Still, he should probably just think of ‘reader’ as a different person while reading it, that should make things easier for him to understand and get through the text. 

So, back to it…

It was a straight forward setting. The reader in question was playing the role of some sort of criminal organization’s leader while Harumasa played… well, his own role. For some reason, the author skipped the previous events that led to the current scene - Harumasa assumed that would be too much context - and the first paragraphs described some sort of… interrogation? At least, that’s what it sounded like.

“Heh, am I going to fall in love with the bad guys here..?” Harumasa giggled with the thought, surprisingly amused as the reader threatened and tried to intimidate him. “They are making me sound so stubborn here…”

Harumasa continued to read, flinching when the reader snatched the tape off his lips, imagining how much it would sting, and even unawarely mimicking his reactions described in the story: parted lips, half closed eyes, erratic breathing…

‘We already took care of your colleagues. No one is coming to save you, Asaba, you better speak’, he shifted in his seat at that line. ‘Hah, even better. Do your worst, you’ll get nothing from me’, was he actually this sassy? And what’s up with the attitude? Harumasa shook his head, rolling his eyes at the cliché threats from the reader. Maybe he did set the bar too high for some amateur stor-

‘Pain? Who said anything about hurting you, my dear Asaba? I have my own methods of making you talk’, oh? Was that the beginning of the steamy parts? Harumasa looked around the office, making sure Yanagi was still in her seat before continuing his reading.

Being caught reading this kind of stuff would be even worse than getting caught slacking off. Gladly, Soukaku seemed to be doing an amazing job at keeping the deputy chief busy. 

Alright, time to resume it.

‘What?’. ‘Ah, Asaba… I’ve always been fond of you, I could never bring myself to hurt that pretty face of yours, but… I still need to make you talk, right?’ He could feel his cheeks warming up a little, imagining the scene a bit beyond what was written. 

Ah, this better not be something weird awakening inside him, Harumasa thought.

There was still no action. The story only described how the reader walked around him, wandering in the room and circling the chair he was tied to while explaining to Harumasa the roots of their affection for him. Still, Harumasa couldn’t help but to feel his heart beating a little faster with anticipation - both as the audience and as a form of sympathy towards his character.

The next part had Harumasa leaning more and more on the edge of his seat, going an inch forward with each word read. The description mentioned something like the reader sitting at Harumasa’s lap, popping his shirt’s buttons open one after the other and pushing his shirt away, exposing his bare chest.

‘Get your hands… off me, you f-freak!’. “Why? Are you nervous? Feeling shy? Maybe there is something stuck at the back of your throat? Let me get it out for you’.

Harumasa felt a shiver run up his spine, regretting ever underestimating one of his fan’s work. The description had him wrapped around its finger and even he himself couldn’t figure out what was so good about it - neither what made it sound so awfully hot.

‘You began to drag your fingers around his toned midriff, circling his navel before teasing his sides. You watched Harumasa tense up, sucking in stomach, trying to avoid your touch. You chuckle, fondly, tickling the edge of his waist.’

So this was the torture they had in mind? Tickling? Harumasa looked up, lowering his phone for a moment and contemplating the idea. Unexpected, yes. Unwelcomed? Not sure. He couldn’t really tell if he was ticklish - was there ever a time for him to figure it out?

Of course, the lack of this confirmation didn’t stop this fan, it seemed. He should probably leave a like in their work for the effort - finding a piece of information that Harumasa himself wasn’t aware of. Heh.

But, back to the fanfiction… Why was it making his heart flutter? Or, even better, why was he struck by the imaginary feeling of it?

He could feel a ghost-like sensation roaming his body. Unconsciously hitching his breath, brushing a hand over whatever spot was mentioned to get rid of the phantom feeling and even catching himself smiling at nothing but his own thoughts.

‘Harumasa laugh helplessly under your hands. You dig your finds under his arms, squirming your way past his defenses despite his efforts into clasping his elbows to his torso. He throws his head back and you can’t help but to give his neck a little tease’.

“...w-what kind of freak would be into this stuff?” He groaned quietly, pouting while his cheeks felt warmer than before. Harumasa even lifted his hand - after hesitating a little, for some reason - to rub his neck, trying to shift his attention from the nonexistent sensation.

Stomach, side, neck, ears, thighs, knees, waist, feet, back… even his hands! How many words did that fanfic even have?!

Harumasa crossed his legs before leaning back into the chair, his breathing quickened for some reason. “A-ahm, does anyone mind if I turn on the AC?” Harumasa whined sheepishly, hooking a finger around his collar to loosen it.

“No, go ah- Asaba-kun, are you feeling alright?” Yanagi asked, furrowing her brows slightly with concern. “You actually look sick, do you need me to-”

“I-it’s fine, deputy chief,” Harumasa sighed, wiping a drop of sweat from the side of his face and fanning it with his hand. “Just a little… overwhelmed, I’ll be fine,” he pulled out a forced smile, making Yanagi nod despite the doubt.

He should stop reading these things at work…

Brr, brr.

Wise lifted his head from his pillow, turning around and giving his attention to his phone instead of trying to sleep. Reaching out to it, taking him less than a couple swipes to check the reason behind the noise. 

[A guest left ludos on Harumasa’s Interrogation], read the e-mail. Wise shrugged, placing his phone back on the table. Well, at least something was doing numbers, unlike this commission he was stuck at… but he should be able to do it after a good nap!

[strawberry-seob]

Good Boy ☆ kjs

💜DAY 6: discipline with kim jongseob

💜wc: 2.6k

💜genre/pairings: dom!reader x sub!jongseob, bdsm, SMUT, MDNI

💜warnings: discipline, strap-on sex, bottom!jongseob, top!reader, slapping (consensual), strap-on blowjob, strap-on facefucking, spanking, mommy kink, ass eating, anal fingering, anal sex, begging, slight orgasm delay, aftercare

💜a/n: day 6 of piwontober 2024 has arrived! special thanks to @sxfterhearts and @kisseobie for hosting and organizing such a fun kinktober fanfic writing event. this fic will also be cross-posted to my ao3 account here. also, if you're interested in more of this reader x jongseob dynamic, check out my ao3 fic "Who's Your [Redacted]?" - which is still in progress on ao3 but will be cross-posted to this account once finished.

“Mommy, please… I’m sorry,” Jongseob whined, his beautiful deep brown eyes staring up at you, pleading for mercy. 

You looked down at him and took in the beautiful sight before you: the man on his knees wearing nothing but a pair of gray Calvin Klein boxer briefs, wrists bound behind his back, and tears starting to wet the corners of his eyes. 

You smirked down at him affectionately, but without mercy, as you pushed his two-tone honey blonde and brown hair out of his face so you could get a better look at him. His cheeks were flushed, decorated with subtle freckles from the time he’d spent out in the sun this summer. Now that the season was coming to a close, they’d probably go back into hiding until the following year. 

“You know what you did, sweetie,” you said with a mock in your tone.

“I know, but–”

Slap!

The sound of your open palm striking his face rang out in the otherwise quiet room. This was the one part of your dynamic that always had you on the fence, always worrying that it would be too much, that you would actually hurt him, and just like always, you had a moment of regret, seeing his face scrunch up in pain and a tear slip out of one of his eyes. 

However, looking down, you saw a conspicuous hardness beginning to strain against the thin gray fabric of his underwear, a small dark spot already appearing. And you were reminded once again, how much he loved being punished.

The reasons for his punishments were always a little vague, and although you were happy to oblige in his penchant for being disciplined, it turned you on the most to see him begin to act bratty because you knew he was trying to get on your nerves so that he’d have to pay for it later. Sometimes he’d start ignoring you, or he’d just start acting rude for no reason, anything to get you to start scolding him, and when he would be really stubborn in response for no reason, that’s when you knew. You knew he craved being put in his place. Pushed to his knees. Taught a lesson.

This time, it was because he’d been rude to you when you asked him for a favor. Next time, it would be something equally mundane. 

So that’s why, when you noted the tear slipping down his face in the same moment that you noticed his hardening cock, you knew that you needed to keep going. With your right hand, you grabbed his chin and yanked it back towards you, forcing him to look up at you again. His lips in a pout, he muttered, “I said I was sorry.” You scoffed in response.

“Prove it, then. Prove how sorry you are,” you said, and with your left hand, smacked the other side of his face with the dark purple dildo that was attached to the harness strapped to your hips. 

“O-okay, I’ll do anything,” he said, squeezing his eyes shut and wincing from the force of the dildo before you brought your right hand up to his mouth and swiped your thumb over his bottom lip slowly.

You felt drunk on power, seeing the way he melted under your touch, and the fact that there was so little he wouldn’t do for you in this headspace. He looked up at you and you shared a moment of tender eye contact with him before pushing your thumb into his mouth, pressing down on his tongue. Without hesitation he closed his lips around it and began to suck, his tongue soft, pliable, and impossibly wet against your skin. 

He maintained stubborn eye contact with you and you felt the blood rush to the junction between your legs. Your nipples hardened against the lining of your bra and you tried to keep it together, but he was making it more and more difficult. 

You pulled your thumb away abruptly and he leaned forward as if to chase it, letting out a quiet whine. 

You didn’t give him a chance to recover before replacing your thumb with the dildo strapped to your hips. He moaned around it, brows pressed together in effort, and sighed out of his nose as you began to thrust into his mouth. 

With one hand gripped in his hair, and the other hand on the dildo, he was completely at your mercy, and he already looked absolutely pitiful. Your relentless thrusts hitting the back of his throat had him gagging repeatedly, tears streaming down his flushed cheeks, but you could see in his eyes how fucked out he already was, could see from the expanding dark spot in his underwear how badly he was enjoying being ruined.

“Look at my good boy, taking mommy’s cock so well,” you crooned, and he closed his eyes as you brushed your fingers gently through his hair, the dildo still thrusting in and out of his mouth, a little more slowly now, his lips swollen and wet by this point.

The sounds he was making were diabolical, the noises of his shameless moaning around the strap-on making your legs weak, distracting you. You tightened your hand in his hair and yanked his head back, slipping the dildo out of his mouth. He let out a series of wet coughs, saliva coating his lips and more tears starting to slip from the corners of his eyes.

Once he’d finished coughing, you cupped the side of his face and he leaned into your touch, struggling to catch his breath, his eyes fluttering closed. 

“I think that’s been enough punishment for today. Are you ready for me to take care of you, my sweet angel?”

“Yes. Please, I promise I’ll be good,” he begged, and you couldn’t help but smile at how adorable he was.

“Stand up,” you ordered, and he obliged immediately. His nipples jutted out from the soft swell of his chest, hardening in the cool air of the room, and his tender knees were red from kneeling on the rough carpet. His hands were still bound behind him, so he was truly at your mercy.

You ran your fingers along the waistband of his underwear teasingly, eliciting a shudder from him, but otherwise he stayed quiet and still, his abs tensing lightly from the brush of your fingertips.

You pulled them down his narrow hips, letting them drop to the floor as his now full erection bounced lewdly once you’d freed it. You placed a hand on his hip and guided him towards your hips as you gently stroked his velvety length against the purple silicone cock attached to your hips, still wet with his saliva. He gasped quietly, biting down on his lip from your too-light touch. 

You did this only for a few brief moments before releasing him and ordered him onto the bed, ass up. He crawled onto the mattress obediently, hands still behind his back, and your heart softened at the way he struggled to get into position in his bound state. You grabbed the restraints on his wrists and began to undo them, causing him to turn his head and look at you, confusion coloring his features.

“I’m going to take these off, but only if you keep your hands to yourself. Do you understand?” you asked firmly, and he nodded, the side of his face pressed into the bed uncomfortably. 

Slap!

Your hand stung from how hard you’d smacked his ass, and he winced in pain but kept his arms up by his head, supporting himself on his elbows. “I’m sorry, y-yes mommy. I won’t touch myself. I promise I won’t,” he said quickly, voice strained, panting into the pillow that he’d grabbed for support.

You rubbed the red mark that had begun to bloom on his ass, soothing away the ache, before slapping it again, eliciting a muffled whimper from him. “Sorry,” you said, “I know I said your punishment was finished, but I just can’t help myself.” 

You stared at the way his tiny asshole fluttered as you brushed a finger across it gently.

“It’s okay,” he breathed, turning to look back at you for a brief moment. “I can take it.”

“Oh, I know you can,” you soothed, bending down to grab an ass cheek and press your finger more firmly against his opening. Teasing. Torturing. Until you just couldn’t help yourself anymore and leaned in to lick a hot strip of saliva against his hole, taking him off guard completely as he gasped loudly. 

This was your favorite part. You weren’t sure how balanced it was if you ‘rewarded’ him for being disciplined, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. That part was for him, and this part was for you.

You prodded at his asshole with your middle finger, massaging the soft, puckered flesh, and even though you hadn’t quite planned it to go this way, you removed your finger to begin licking against him again. He moaned shamelessly, burying his head in the pillow, and you could tell how much he had to restrain himself from pushing his ass back into your face. You spread his small cheeks as wide as they would go, your face soaking wet with saliva, and buried your face in him. You were addicted to his noises, his smell, the texture of his skin; you felt drunk, and couldn’t get enough.

Pulling away and eliciting a whine from him that had you slapping the sore spot on his ass once again – which shut him up immediately – you reached over to grab the bottle of lube from the bedside table and covered your fingers generously with the thick substance. You’d recently opted for an oil-based lubricant so you didn’t have to keep reapplying it, and it had made a world of difference. After all, Jongseob hated being interrupted when you were fucking him.

After warming it up in your hands, you massaged it against his opening, and he hummed contentedly when you pressed a finger inside him, sliding it slowly but steadily until you were past the second knuckle and could begin to slowly pump in and out of him. After a few minutes of getting him warmed up, you added a second finger, and eventually a third. By this time, his breathing was coming out ragged and he already sounded wrecked. 

He gasped at the loss of contact when you removed your fingers and began to liberally smear lube along the strap-on, coating it thoroughly before lining it up against his hole and pressing into him slowly. 

He moaned loudly into the pillow as you slid inside, pausing as you bottomed out. You wished there were no barriers between your skin and his, the straps of the harness cutting into your skin mildly, but you had to work with what your biology allowed. It wasn’t enough, but it was good enough.

“You ready, baby?” you asked, holding yourself still and rubbing the soft skin of his lower back soothingly. 

“Yes, mommy. Please fuck me. Please, I’ve been so good, I need your cock,” he begged, and you gave in to his pleas, pulling out and snapping your hips back against his ass, causing him to cry out and grip the pillow tightly. You held onto his hip with one hand and braced yourself on the bed with the other, rolling your hips into him with increasing speed. Although you wished that there was sensation in the dildo so you could feel yourself inside him, the action still made your groin throb with pleasure nonetheless.

You pulled out of him and he whimpered from the sensation as you flipped him easily onto his back and pushed him further up the bed so that you could kneel on it in front of him. You pushed his legs apart and lined up the dildo against him again, taking no time sinking back into him. You looked at his face while you did it, wanting to see the way it affected him, craving the sight of him falling apart under you, filled up and overwhelmed.

His eyes were squeezed shut, his brows furrowed together and his cute nose was slightly scrunched up. You pushed his bangs out of his face to see him more clearly and could feel the dampness in his hair, the heat radiating from his blushing skin. His wet lips were slightly parted and he opened his eyes to look at you. He looked like he could burst out crying at any moment, his petite, flushed cock swollen and bouncing against his stomach.

“Will you kiss me? Please?” he asked so politely that in that moment you’d have rather died than deny him. You pulled back and thrust back into him slowly as you leaned down to capture his lips with yours. He exhaled a warm sigh through his nose against your face and whimpered against your mouth as you began moving in and out of him again, increasing your speed gradually as his tongue entered your mouth, hot, wet, and hungry.

As you pulled away from the intense kiss, you hooked an arm under each of his legs to spread him apart even further, deepening your access to him. With each of your hands braced on the bed, you began fucking into him relentlessly, snapping your hips at an angle that had him throwing his head back, his eyes becoming wet with tears once again. 

His breathing became labored and his chest was red and splotchy, covered in a thin sheen of sweat that looked good enough to lick off of him. His breathy moans started to come out in little gasps and he opened his eyes to look up at you, expression panicky and distraught.

“Mommy, I’m–”

“Not yet. Be good for me and wait, or else,” you managed to order between breaths, your own breathing becoming labored with effort. 

“I—fuck, okay. Okay,” he whined out, and you couldn’t help smiling at his desperation. After continuing to fuck into him until he was a babbling mess, his cock leaking relentlessly, you conceded, unable to deny him any longer.

“Okay my sweet boy,” you said at long last. “Come for me.”

He let out a sigh of relief, grabbing his cock and only pumping it a few times before he made a mess all over himself, sticky white cum spurting all over his stomach and chest.

You continued thrusting but slowed to a very gradual stop, letting him ride out his orgasm but trying not to overstimulate him too much. He moaned quietly as you pulled out of him and removed the harness, rushing to the bathroom to grab a warm wet towel and a glass of water. 

When you returned to the bedroom he was limp on the bed, just an absolute mess, eyes closed, chest rising and falling dramatically, a dopey fucked-out smile on his face. You paused to take in the sight of him, smiling ear to ear and heart aching at the sight. He had a tendency to have that effect on you. 

After wiping up the mess on his stomach, you crawled into bed with him and gathered him into your arms. He buried his head in your chest and you ran your fingers through his soft hair, peppering the top of his head with gentle kisses. 

“So good for me,” you whispered repeatedly, and he hummed into your skin, tightening his arms around your body. 

You found yourself guiltily looking forward to the next time he ‘got in trouble.’ This would just never get old.

[darkwitchoferie]

Train Ride - Chapter 4, Hyunjin

A quick note about the immersive Van Gogh Exhibition. They go to SeMA – the Seoul Museum of Art. That’s not where the real exhibit was when it was in Seoul, but fanfic rules, so who cares? Also, why was Hyunjin’s smut scene so much harder to write than any of the others so far? Like, it just didn’t want to cooperate. Finally, I decided to use text screenshots from time to time instead of just saying ‘oh you got a text’. There’s only one in this chapter. Also, this one has more plot to it than the others have had. It starts to get that way after this. Still smutty, but a tiny more plot too.

Cw/tw for this chapter: alluded to member x member action (Innie and Felix), unprotected vaginal sex, nipple play, oral (f receiving), this one’s actually really sweet

wc: 3.8k

Master list

While you were watching the livestream of the boys in the airport, you got a text notification. Seeing it was from Chan, you opened it quickly to see a screenshot of the picker wheel you were using with Hyunjin’s name chosen. Smiling to yourself, you switched back to the livestream, watching your boys make their way through the airport and thinking of ways to seduce Hyunjin.

It was about an hour after they were on the plane, while you were on your way to the grocery store, that you saw an ad and realized what you wanted to do. You knew Hyunjin was a romantic at heart and, while he may not object to being outright seduced the way Felix and Jeongin had been, he’d like something with more romance. When you parked at the grocery store, you quickly pulled out your phone and bought two tickets for the immersive Van Gogh Exhibition that was happening at SeMA for the free day they had, two days after their return.

--

Hyunjin picked you up at your apartment in one of what you often thought of as his most dressed-down outfits. Not to say he didn’t look good – he always did. But there was something about the way he was dressed and held himself that made him seem like ‘no, I’m just an attractive man, definitely not Hyunjin of Stray Kids’. You weren’t sure what exactly it was, but when he was dressed so simply like this, people tended to not notice who he was. It reminded you of something you’d read about Marilyn Monroe, how she said she could “turn on” the Marilyn persona but otherwise people wouldn’t notice her. With Hyunjin, the disguise was the persona he was turning on.

He had a cap pulled down enough to partly obscure his face, but not enough to make it seem like he was hiding. He’d told you once before that that was part of the trick – hiding without making it look like he was hiding.

Knowing the way he would be dressed, you dressed to match. Instead of wearing fancier or typical date-wear, you were just in a normal, knee length skirt that flared out when you spun, a plain t-shirt, and flats. While normally you may have considered jeans or shorts given the pleasant weather, you’d discussed with Chan and the two of you agreed that there was something delightful and ‘easy-access’ about being in a skirt for every one of these seductions.

“Hey, Y/N,” he smiled at you, pulling you into a hug. “Thank you for this. I didn’t even realize the exhibition was in town.”

“Oh, of course. I saw the ad for it and immediately thought of you.” You linked your arm through his as you headed toward the elevator. “And I figure we’ll be there for a while, so stop for dinner after?”

“That sounds perfect, actually. Chan’s not gonna miss you?”

“He knows I’m with you today. And he’s holed up with Sungie and Bin.” You knew he only planned to be with them for an hour or two, but you didn’t need to point that out. Let Hyunjin assume it meant one of their marathon sessions.

He chuckled, clearly assuming that. “Good point.”

The immersive exhibit was perfect. So much so, that you periodically forgot your seduction plan, which you supposed helped it feel less rehearsed. You’d been thinking and planning for this date the whole time they’d been gone that you worried you’d come off as stiff or something. Instead, the pair of you fell into a natural rhythm and it felt perfectly normal to reach over and grip his upper arm, play with his hair that was finally growing out long enough to actually, properly, play with, or tuck yourself close to him whether there was a crowd of people around you or not.

After getting your fill of the exhibit, the pair of you headed back to Hyunjin’s car. You watched him gesture wildly as he talked about Van Gogh’s artwork, hands imitating the movement of the stars, speech speeding up as he talked about his favorite parts of the experience. Then he stopped, just before reaching his car, and flushed.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to –”

“No,” you cut him off, “nothing to be sorry for. I was enjoying your enjoyment, Hyune,” you smiled at him, linking your arm through his again.

“I just, I know I can be a little… much sometimes.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “And that’s different than any of our other friends, how exactly?”

“Okay, that’s…. Yeah, you have a point.” He grinned at you, turning to face you fully and pulled you into a hug. “Seriously, thank you for this. It was amazing.”

“You’re so incredibly welcome. I’m glad I got to do this with you.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head before letting go. “Dinner’s on me. Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere Thai, I’m craving chicken satay.”

“Ooo, yes.” He chuckled, taking your hand and spinning you, making you laugh too. The pair of you made it to your favorite Thai restaurant where you were sat at a booth toward the back of the seating area. The managers all knew who you were, or more importantly, who Hyunjin was, so they did what they could to make sure you were seated out of the way like they always did when any of the guys came in.

On your way to the table, you sent Chan a prearranged emoji message to let him know that you’d be back to your apartment in about an hour – the Thai restaurant being less than a five minute drive from your apartment. He was most likely already waiting at your apartment, but just in case he wasn’t yet, you sent the text to be sure. Hyunjin slid into the booth and you slid in beside him, sitting just barely far enough away to not be touching. He gave you a weird look, but otherwise didn’t comment on how close you were. Just like he hadn’t commented after any of the looks he’d given you at the museum that you’d elected to ignore. You ignored this look too, crossing one ankle behind the other and then fighting the internal laughter that came when your brain provided you with an ‘actually keeping your legs closed?’ joke.

Throughout dinner, you kept leaning into Hyunjin’s space – laughing with him, touching his arm, sharing his food. While none of it was unusual in the context of your friendships with all of the guys, you did your best to take it past the edge of flirting but not so far past that it would make him uncomfortable. Hyunjin was a good friend, one of the best, and as far as he knew you and Chan were exclusive.

As always, when you hung out with any of the guys, Hyunjin walked you to your apartment door. Chan was either watching the parking lot or got very lucky, and opened the door before you could put the key in the lock.

“Hey baby,” he kissed your cheek in greeting. “Hey Hyune.” He waited until you were both inside and he’d closed the door before asking, “So, how was your date?”

Hyunjin sputtered, “It wasn’t…. Hyung, I… I wouldn’t….”

“It was good. I got some great photos of Hyune enjoying the immersion. And he did that thing where he imitates the art with his hands, ya know?”

“Adorable,” Chan agreed. Hyunjin had fallen silent, staring between the two of you.

“We went for Thai at our usual place down the road. And I think I make Hyune nervous. Or, he’s just nervous how you’ll feel. I couldn’t really tell.” You could, but you wanted Hyunjin to know that you understood his nervousness.

“What is happening here?” He asked, still unsure and looking between you both.

“I suppose we were more direct with Jeongin and Felix,” Chan commented to you.

“Okay, more direct sexually, yes, obviously. But I feel like this was more romantic, ya know?”

Chan hummed his agreement. “Yeah, alright,” he turned to Hyunjin. “Blunt and direct, or soften it a little?” he asked.

“I don’t…. I don’t know?”

“Okay. I’m going to ask you something. It’s a genuine question, so I want a true answer. No judgement from us, no matter what your answer is.” Hyunjin nodded, not remotely reassured. “Do you want to have sex with Y/N?”

“Hyung, she’s your –”

“Nope,” Chan cut him off, “irrelevant for this conversation. Ignore me. Do you want to sleep with her?”

Hyunjin looked wide-eyed between the two of you a few times. “Yes,” he said softly.

You grinned, preening just a little bit. “Do you want to go on another date with her?”

“Yes.”

Chan smiled. “Good. Let me tell you what’s going on then.” He told Hyunjin about your desire to at least have sex with, but hopefully date, all the members but he didn’t elaborate on the previous comment about Jeongin and Felix.

When he was finished, you wrapped your arms around Hyunjin’s waist from behind like you’d done countless times throughout the time you’d known him. “It doesn’t have to change anything, Hyune. We can have sex today, then never again. We can have sex as often as we can fit it in for however long we both want. We can date and it can be a serious relationship if you want. Or, we can pretend this conversation never happened and today was just a fun day between friends. And any variation on any of that with Channie. It’s entirely up to you.”

Hyunjin hesitated. He brought his arms down to cover over yours but otherwise made no move for a few minutes. You didn’t press him, recognizing that he needed to think through his options. This was interesting for you to watch as you hadn’t given Jeongin and Felix the opportunity before anything happened. Which, worked out fine for your relationship with the both of them, but you knew it would never have worked that way for Hyunjin. The man had a romantic soul. Not that the others didn’t like romance, but it was just different with Hyunjin – he was more like Chan in this way.

After a few quiet minutes where you and Chan patiently waited for Hyunjin to think everything through, he turned in your arms. You tilted your head to the side, silently questioning him. He smiled, bringing his hands up to cup your cheeks and gently pressed his lips to yours. You smiled into the kiss, tightening your arms around him. You could still feel the nervousness, or maybe uncertainty would be more accurate, in the way Hyunjin touched you even as he tilted your head so he could deepen the kiss. You decided to just follow his lead rather than stop him to ask if he was sure. You were confident that Hyunjin wouldn’t do anything he wasn’t sure he wanted to do and the lingering nerves were either from the unusualness of the situation or because he knew Chan was watching you both.

His confidence grew as he kissed you, his tongue sliding past your lips and one hand sliding to the back of your head, cradling the back of your skull as the other slipped down to grip your hip. You clutched the back of his shirt as he broke away from your lips, trailing soft kisses along your jaw, neck, and down to the neck line of your t shirt. He didn’t seem to be in any sort of rush, just enjoying feeling your skin under his lips.

“Bedroom?” he asked softly, pulling away for just long enough to ask. You turned in his hold, forcing him to drop the hand that had been holding your head down to your hip. He stuck close to your back, occasionally pressing a kiss to the side of your neck, as you led him to your bedroom, Chan trailing behind him. Once in your room, his nerves came back, though it didn’t seem quite as much. He turned you around so he could kiss you again, then gently led you backwards until your knees hit the edge of your bed and you dropped down onto it.

Chan didn’t say a word, barely made any noise, letting this encounter unfold as just the pair of you. He moved to sit in the chair you’d put in front of the large window in your bedroom and relaxed back into the cushions, content to just watch.

Hyunjin bent over you, cupping the back of your neck and tilting your head back to give himself better access to your neck. Once again trailing soft kisses down your neck, he slowly shifted to force you to lean back on your elbows, placing a knee between your thighs as he did. He pulled back slightly to look at you as he slid his hand under the hem of your shirt. You nodded, sitting up just enough to help him lift your shirt over your head. He leaned back in, pressing you all the way onto your back this time.

Unhurriedly, but in relatively short order, Hyunjin had you completely stripped under him. At some point, you weren’t really sure when or how you didn’t notice, he’d stripped himself too. At his urging, you shifted around so you were laying back against your pillows, legs splayed wide so he could lay between them. With a pleased smile, he followed you, pressing a few kisses to your belly.

Hyunjin’s hand slid up your inner thigh, fingertips dragging just enough to tickle and make you squirm. He lifted his lips from your belly long enough to look up at you with a smile when you giggled. You sighed in pleasure with his fingers finally brushed over your folds, pausing to gently flick you clit with the pad of his thumb. Watching your reactions, he slid a finger up and down you’re your folds, parting them then dipping a finger into your pussy. Your head tipped back against the pillow as he slowly started thrusting into you.

You looked to Chan who smiled and winked at you but was still fully dressed, man spreading on the chair and with a noticeable tent in his jeans.

You moaned low in your throat when Hyunjin added a second finger, easily sliding it in along side the first. He continued softly kissing your belly, the light, sweet touches turning you into a puddle of goo. You carded your fingers through his hair, thinking you could be content with just these light, simple touches for hours.

You’re somewhat surprised to feel the coil of an orgasm building in your belly already. As if sensing what you only just started feeling, Hyunjin bent down and flicked his tongue over your clit. He batted the sensitive buddle of nerves around with his tongue until he felt you clench around his fingers and groan out his name.

As you come down, you glanced over at Chan at the sound of a belt being undone to see he was finally stripping himself. Once naked, he sat back in the chair, making no move to join the pair of you or to actually touch himself.

Between your legs, Hyunjin grinned up at you. You tugged his hair, making him lift himself up so you could kiss him. He pulled his fingers out of you, sliding his hand up your belly and pressing his palm on your sternum as you reclaim his lips. With a small smile to yourself, you hooked a leg over his and used the leverage and surprise to flip the pair of you. You giggled again, this time at the surprised look on his face. Looking down at his cock, steadily leaking precum, part of you wanted to taste him, but you wanted to feel him buried inside you more in that moment.

You straddled Hyunjin’s hips, a hand pressed to his abs to help you balance, the other hand wrapped around his cock. Slowly, giving yourself time to adjust as you went, you sank down onto him. You sighed in pleasure and watched his eyes roll back in his head as you rolled your hips once fully seated. His hands slid up your thighs to grip your hips, fingertips digging into your flesh hard enough you felt pretty sure there’d be small bruises. All the nervousness that had been lingering in his eyes, vanished as he looked up at you.

Steadily, with help from Hyunjin, you rolled your hips building up a rhythm. Sliding a hand up your back, he pushed you forward a little, just enough that he was able to lean up and wrap his lips around a nipple. Your hips faltered for a second as your head dropped forward with a groan. Behind you, on the chair, you could hear the sounds of Chan stroking his cock. You stayed leaning forward, bracing both hands on Hyunjin’s chest, lifting your hips now instead of rolling to give him a better view. The new motion and position put a wonderful amount of pressure on your clit. Added to it, Hyunjin brought a hand up to tease which ever nipple he didn’t have in his mouth.

For just a second, you reflected on how well all the guys treated you so far, always seeking out and paying attention to the areas that gave you pleasure. Not that you were surprised they were just as sweet to you sexually as they were in every day interactions. But still, they all seemed to focus on your pleasure more than their own. Or at least, it felt that way.

Then you lost that train of thought as his free hand slid between your bodies, quickly finding and rubbing circles against your clit. You gasped, digging your fingernails into his pecs as the orgasm that had been building crashed through you, Hyunjin’s name falling from your mouth like a litany prayer. Your hips slowed, then stilled as you came down from your high. Then you relaxed your arms, dropping to rest on his chest.

“Still good?” Hyunjin confirmed.

“So good.”

“Good.” He gripped your hips, lifting you slightly, and started thrusting up into you. The motion and pressure on your clit, not to mention the perfect thrusting against your g-spot, had you quickly building to another orgasm. Your moans with every thrust were somewhat muffled against his skin, but you were fairly sure he could still hear them. Giving into the impulsive thought that often crept into your mind when you watched him dance and definitely did now, you leaned up a little and licked a long stripe up his sweaty neck.

He groaned at your action, planting his feet so he could thrust up faster. With another, longer groan, and one last deep thrust, Hyunjin stilled as he came inside you. The feeling of his cum filling you, and his cock twitching against your g-spot, triggered your third orgasm, causing you to clench around his softening cock and pulling a small whimper from him.

After a minute or so, you slid off him, flopping onto the bed beside him.

“Hey baby, you got one more in you?” Chan smiled down at you, slowly stroking his cock. You had no idea when he’d gotten up from his chair, but you frankly could not care less.

“Absolutely,” you reached for him, but made no move to actually get up. He chuckled, moving to lay between your legs and claim your lips for the first time since you’d gotten home. You hummed into the kiss, lifting one leg to hook it over his hips and pull him firmly against your body.

It was not the first time he’d had you after someone else had come inside you – nearly every morning that Jeongin wanted a morning quickie, Chan decided he did too. But, as he slid inside you, the obscene feeling of someone else’s cum, Hyunjin’s this time, oozing out around his cock delighted you the way it always did.

“Fuck,” he growled against your neck. “You looked so good on Hyune, baby.”

“Mm, felt so good too.”

Hyunjin, laying beside you, danced his fingers over your belly, tapping then drawing little patterns, seemingly content to just be there but not actually add any stimulation. With a smile, you reached for his hand, pulling it to your lips and pressing small kisses on each of his fingertips, then setting his hand back on your belly. With a content sounding hum, he leaned in to press his cheek to your shoulder, looking down your body so he could watch Chan thrusting into you.

“Oh God,” Chan groaned, leaning back a little and seeing both of you watching him. He sat himself up on his knees, sliding his hands slightly under your hips so he could left them up, changing the angle and causing your back to arch. His thrusts sped up, rocking your body and pulling nearly constant moans or little ahs from you. It was, Chan knew, one of your favorite positions at the end of the night. You didn’t have to do much, there was little to no pressure on your, at this point, overstimulated clit, he typically went deeper than he had before, and his cock slid against your g spot without hitting it directly.

With the practice of someone who knew your body well, Chan had you building to a fourth orgasm fairly quickly. When your walls started fluttering around him and you reached out to grip the arm of Hyunjin’s hand that was still on your belly, he knew you were close. He kept his pace steady, helping you ride the wave that was building then washing through your body. His name fell from your lips on a sigh, you clenching around him causing him to cum too, filling you completely.

Tired, but content and comfortable, you relaxed on your bed between Chan and Hyunjin. After a few quiet minutes, Hyunjin said, “I would like to try the dating option. I’m not sure if…. I mean, the constant sharing might be too much for me.”

“That’s okay,” you reassured him quickly. “If it is, or it starts to be, come to us and we’ll talk about what to do.”

As usual, Chan insisted on getting up and getting a shower. While the tub filled and you and Hyunjin quickly showered off so you could properly relax in that bath, Chan hurriedly stripped your bed, changing the sheets.

Cuddled in the bath, allowing the jets to soothe sore muscles, you were drifting off a little when Hyunjin asked, “What did you mean about Iyen-ah and Felix earlier?” You giggled before the pair of you gave him the shortened version of your previous encounters with the two of them.

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Taglist: @skzficpriv @strayk1ds143 @vegetablesarefuntables  @imagine-all-the-imagines  @yeetmylifeu  @wolfo2027

[unhappy-sometimes]

a 2024 writing retrospective (for sxf fanfic)

ignore the fact that i’m a few days late. i’ve been unbelievably busy the past couple weeks.

in this post i’ll go over the fics i wrote in 2024 think of it as an extremely extended author’s notes. i love to talk and will do so when given the chance.

i’ll start from my latest fic and work my way backwards. spoilers for everything i’ve written in 2024.

(Very) Stupid

Something that I try really really hard to maintain in my writing is believability, specifically when it comes to writing characters. Characters acting out of character is one of my biggest fanfic pet peeves: if I wanted to read about someone’s oc, then I would’ve read a regular book. That being said, I think a lot about how Twilight would actually act like if he were in love. I had an interesting conversation with @cantareincminor forever ago about how he’s so emotionally constipated that it’s kind of difficult to write Twilight in love without making him a bit ooc. Right now in canon it’s hard to imagine him falling head over heels for anyone (in my opinion, anyway).

That being said there are moments in canon where he acts flustered in situations that could be interpreted as romantic. So, for right now, my hypothesis is this: if and when Twilight falls in love, he’s going to be an absolute fool. He’s going to do his usual overthinking and overanalyizing, so much to the point that he starts hesitating over the smallest things.

(Very) Stupid is how I imagine all of that unfolding, although for the sake of comedy I did push things to the absurd. Sometimes Twilight does things in canon with such certainty of “Yes, of course normal people do this, I’m nailing this normalcy thing” that he fails to realize he’s being kinda ridiculous. I also wanted to take that element and incorporate it into a fic.

I also wanted to try subverting expectations (ooh fancy literary term) by having them do romantic things that lead them nowhere. I tried to cram in as many tropes as I could—feeding each other with a fork, only one bed, first kiss—but do so under the guise of Twilight completely missing how dumb he’s being the entire time. He only realizes his feelings until after their first kiss, specifically when Yor surprises him with a quick peck on the cheek. This, of course, was deliberate. I figured that it’d make the most sense if Twilight would only realize his feelings in a situation where he wasn’t the one initiating a (somewhat) romantic gesture because he theoretically wouldn’t be overthinking it. Instead, Yor just sneaks in when his guard is down <3

Endings are usually the hardest things for me to write and (Very) Stupid was no exception. I almost had Twilight pass out at the breakfast table when he kisses Yor but then I realized I’d made him faint in almost every fic I’ve written this year and that felt like a cop out. But I figured it out and I don’t mind the way the ending turned out :D

Also, kind of a random reference, but the title is slightly inspired by VERY NICE by Seventeen lol

Holy crap I’ve written so much for only one fic so far. My apologies in advance.

21 Eden Street

I won’t go into too much detail for 21 Eden Street because it’s still ongoing, but I just wanna brag about how fun it is to write hehe. It’s really enjoyable to write pure crack and come up with stupid and insane ideas with Cantare. You don’t need to have seen either iteration of 21 Jump Street to understand what’s going on. Honestly, we’ve taken very little from the source material and treated it more like a loose guide and a basis for brainstorming.

Don’t worry, we haven’t abandoned it! Cantare is waiting on me to finish writing my chapter (hehe sorry, Cantare!) and soon it’ll be back up and running.

Seeing things

Ah, Seeing Things, my beloved <3

This fic has the least amount of hits out of everything I’ve written (which is not surprising to me) but I hold it very dear to my heart. There’s not a specific reason why other than I just really enjoyed writing it. I also spent a ton of time making supplementary drawings and a whole hype campaign for it, too, so I kinda am obligated to feel some sorta way about it.

Anyway, the way this fic came about is simple; I just had the things I am most afraid of happen to Twilight. Yes, I’m scared of serial killers and my loved ones dying like everyone else, but something I am absolutely terrified of are hallucinations. That and doppelgangers.

Not being able to tell reality apart from fiction activates the flight or fight senses in me. Real life can be scary, yes, but reality is bound by the rules of reality. Literally anything can happen in fiction. The most horrific, awful things are possible in fiction and if those things suddenly become possible in reality???? Girl I am GONE. Passing away. Curling up in a fetal position in the nearest corner. I don’t know if that makes any sense. If I ever start seeing things that I can’t be sure are actually happening or not, I am choosing to die right then and there. Doppelgangers as a concept are also really scary to me. It’s like stranger danger but times a thousand because you can’t tell who the strangers are anymore.

In my initial draft, there wasn’t nearly as much of a tension between Twilight and Yor. If I recall correctly, by then I’d written to nearly the end and realized that for Yor this whole experience has been Loid acting just a little more weird than usual. It might’ve been Cantare’s suggestion (just assume everything after Guy’s Night has been beta’d by Cantare and you’ll be mostly right) but I realized that Twilight probably would start to suspect the people around him were screwing with him. I added the scene where his room was messed up and it all fell into place hehe.

I don’t like writing gore or the like because I feel like typical gore quickly starts escalating into levels of pain that the average reader has no possibility of comprehending and it loses its efficacy. Instead I tried feeding into Twilight’s paranoia, adding things that in isolation are just weird but when put together are unsettling. I shamelessly stole the fourth room hallway from Impossible Landscapes, a Delta Green campaign that I highly recommend you check out if you enjoy surreal horror. I purposefully kept some things vague, like the things Anya sees in Twilight’s mind, the way Handler’s face gets warped, or the description of “the watchers” because I felt like going into detail would lose the unknown-ness of it all. That and I’m lazy heehee.

In some way, canon Spy x Family does deal with ideas of doppelgangers and paranoia. Spies are constantly afraid of being listened in on, they don’t know if they can trust anyone, and they always have to keep an eye over their shoulder. For someone who is always a little scared of being spied on (I cover my phone and laptop cameras for that exact reason), that kinda sounds like torture. Seeing Things was a fun way to crank that paranoia up to a hundred. It was especially fun writing the museum scene because I tried thinking of things that are just ever so slightly off, things that theoretically could exist but clearly don’t.

I also threw in other things I’m scared of, like being watched, being followed, the dark, and the bathroom at night just to be extra mean to Twilight <3

Anyway, I’m rambling and this analysis post will be a novel if I keep this up.

Guy’s Night

I do recognize the insane tone shift going from Seeing Things to Guy’s Night.

What is there to even say about Guy’s Night? I got the idea from Psych (the Last Night Gus episode) who got the general basic from the Hangover movies. I wrote it all out in a few days, one of which I was sick in bed. I don’t know what to say.

Looking back on it, I don’t love the way it turned out. I’m glad I wrote it but where I usually don’t mind rereading my stuff for fun I do kinda cringe at Guy’s Night. It relies on a lot of contrivances which I tried masking with humor but it’s still a bit obvious. If you make a timeline of the previous night’s events, it only kinda makes sense.

It doesn’t help that I went into it with no plan whatsoever. I just sat down and said what happens happens. When I wrote in chapter one that something had happened between Loid and Yor, I didn’t know what that was. When I wrote Loid saying “we need to see what’s on that camera film” I was right there next to him saying “buddy, so do I because I have no idea.” When wrote Franky saying that his friend Marko might have answers, I was hoping he would too because I, like everyone else, didn’t know what was going on either.

The ONE thing I DID know was that Twilight got a tattoo the night before. That was it. That’s all.

I don’t typically plan out everything when I write but I usually have a good idea. For Guy’s Night, I had a bad idea in that I had no idea. It kinda shows. Sorry.

That being said, it was incredibly fun writing their drunk shenanigans and banter. The dynamic between Twilight, Franky, and Yuri was so goofy that I’ve seriously debated writing a sequel of sorts. However that’s incredibly unlikely. If I ever do write a sequel, it’d be a Girl’s Night with Yor and a combination of female characters, probably Sylvia and Fiona.

After Peace (and Glimpses of Happiness)

A quick heads up: I don’t go into detail but I do discuss mental illness in this segment.

I am incredibly proud of how After Peace turned out. Not only did it receive a really good reception for being my first fic ever, but it also helped me work through some things in my own life. It’s important to give some context.

I wrote After Peace shortly after graduating college. I won’t go into specifics, but college was really, really difficult for me. I had been so excited for this next step in my life after graduating high school but instead it turned out to be one of the hardest experiences of my life. Depression came out of nowhere and stomped me into the ground.

I used to have very high expectations for myself; I had a clear vision of what I wanted to do with my life and I was taking steps to work towards those goals. Then my mental health tanked and suddenly everything just felt so difficult and pointless. I’d sleep all day and then hate myself when the sun started to set because that meant I’d wasted an entire day doing nothing when I was supposed to be working towards something. But I just couldn’t do it anymore.

That’s something I’ve noticed that a lot of media gets wrong about depression sometimes. It doesn’t always make you feel sad. Sometimes it just sucks everything out of you—sadness, happiness, anger, everything. I stopped drawing, stopped listening to music, stopped eating, stopped exercising, stopped doing everything that I enjoyed because it felt like the equivalent of doing the dishes. Everything was a chore, even the things that I liked.

What really changed things around was when my poor roommate, who was sick of me sleeping for twenty hours a day, dragged my sorry self to the free counseling services on campus. It’s doesn’t fix everything, but having someone who cares about you and you care about can really help your mental health.

Anyway, let’s not forget I’m talking about an anime fanfiction here haha.

After Peace really did start out as a couple of doodles but as I started to write it, I noticed that there were a lot of similarities between myself and Loid. No, I am not a former spy turned grumpy hermit, but I did once have great aspirations and now have to settle for what reality offers me. Realizing that worth comes from simply existing was something that I had to understand in order to begin my recovery process.

I’ve always found it kind of sad that if you took away the goal of world peace from Twilight that you’re basically left with nothing. He doesn’t really have hobbies, no real friends, and he never takes a day off. That’s hardly sustainable. Would he really be happy when there’s nothing left to do? I’d like to think so, but I wanted to see what would happen if he wasn’t.

I mentioned this in the end note, but After Peace was also influenced by this comic I was working on years ago that had the similar premise of “grumpy man learns to enjoy life with the help of a young girl” (very original, I know). I doubt that I’ll ever release that comic in the capacity I once intended, but it does live on in my secret second tumblr account of you ever manage to find it.

Anyway, I was worried about writing After Piece because Anya plays a big role and I am Not Good at writing children. It was hard striking a balance between making Anya likeable but still realistic. I don’t interact with children often and, as a youngest sibling, I don’t have much experience with them. Anya has so many layers—being a test subject, being a telepath, being a child—that it was hard managing them all. But I’m okay with how she turned out.

There is a slight problem in that she basically disappears once Yor shows up D:

I debated having Yor in the fic at all but then I realized that without her the emotional climax would have to rely on a four year old’s emotional intelligence and then decided right then and there that Yor had to be in it haha.

Yor’s whole deal with accidentally killing the wrong person was kind of a last minute addition. I do wish I was able to explore that more, but I also feel like she’s emotionally mature enough to forgive herself more quickly than Twilight would. She ends up serving a bit of a role model to him. It was also nice to be able to write them interacting with the truth out on the table and for them to be honest with each other.

Pacing was something that I was very concerned with. Looking back on it now, I’m still worried that things move along a bit quickly. However, I am reminded of some advice my graphic design professors gave me: “Good design is when nothing more can be take away.” And, because I was writing this as fast as possible, you best believe I was taking things away if I didn’t need them. I didn’t want to fall into the trap of dwelling on Twilight’s thoughts for too long so I instead opted for showing him progressing through experiences instead. I think it worked out.

However because I took so many things out I decided to start Glimpses of Happiness, a supplementary fic to After Peace that fills in the cracks, so to speak. I wanted to have more moments between Twilight and the other characters, like stargazing with Anya and growing close to Yor. Right now there’s only one chapter, but I have plans for at least a few more. I also thought it was important to highlight that mental health recovery never truly ends. Just because Yor and Twilight had a nice chat on the roof doesn’t mean that things are suddenly okay. It’s a long process that sometimes never ends and I wanted to show that.

Of course, I can’t talk about After Peace without addressing the Midwest allegations. As I said, yes, this fic was inspired by my childhood in the American Midwest, even though I was nowhere near any mountains. The Midwest is a silly place full of nothing to do but go to your local Walmart for fun, but I think it served a good enough setting for Twilight to chill out and slow down. If I really wanted to do full Midwest, I’d have Twilight watch a tornado touch down on a cornfield from his truckbed, but that feels sort of out of place.

I feel like there’s more to say but I can’t think of anything and I doubt anyone’s actually gonna read all the way down here anyway. But yeah, that’s After Peace.

Oh, and the A.M. AM by Damien Jurado Youtube video currently has nine comments that mentjon falling from a five story building, which I think is really funny.

So now what?

Against my better judgement, I’m still writing. I have a couple projects in the works, especially one big big big one that hopefully I can start publishing soon. Keep an eye out for that.

In the meantime, thanks for a great year! I hope 2025 holds more great things in store for us all!

-unso ^. .^<

[animeyanderelover]

Confession

Hey, everyone. I have something to tell you which has been on my mind since over 4 years now and which I feel like I have to get out of my chest now. I don't want to write for character x male reader anymore. There are lots of reasons and thoughts behind this decision that have accumulated over many years and now I have finally made the decision to stop writing for the x male reader entirely.

The first reason for me is that I was born a woman and that I 100% identify as one. I started this blog mainly because I wanted to write my own fanfics about characters that I love and that is why I started in November 2020 my own blog on this side. However, I wanted to be inclusive which is why I decided to add the option to ask for an x male reader as well. However, I have figured out over the years that I experience less joy writing for requests asking for a male character because deep down this never was what I wanted to write for but I denied those thoughts because I was afraid that people would think that I hate people who identify as men in fanfiction. Part of me also always thought that maybe I would be a hypocrite. I feared to open a pandora box.

After all if I write about a character who is in a happy relationship, married and has a child in canon does that make me a homewrecker? I write about characters who are still teenagers and find myself writing Nsfw about them too so does that make me a pedophile? If I write about a female character x female reader despite the character never having been indicated to have any romantic interest in another woman am I just making everything lesbian to satisfy my own desires? There are women who write about male characters who are gay in canon with a female reader and I admit to having read some of those works too so does that make me homophobic? If I were to write about something like that too because I feel attracted to those characters does that make me a terrible person? Such doubts and worries constantly held me back from getting rid of that option but now I do not have those doubts anymore.

I had a bad start in the anime community by getting involved with some weird fujoshis and their fanart. That has already led me to the decision that I won't write any Nsfw posts with a male character x male reader and with my own consciousness I could never accept to write anything Nsfw related with a female character x male reader. The truth is because I’m an afab writer I could have never inserted myself in a reader with a dick.

Fujoshis and my own preferences are only two reasons though. The last reason for me is because I have had experiences with actual men on this side who pestered me via chat that they wanted me to write for an x male reader and even though I was not comfortable with it they continued anyways. Those experiences are rare but they added to my overall conflict nevertheless. A while ago I had the "pleasure" of being graced with such a person who really wanted me to write about the women of Arcane with a male reader, a phenomenon that I know has been not uncommon in the x reader community of the series on this app. He was awfully entitled and kept whining about the fact that no one seems to be willing to write about the x male reader for characters like Jinx or Vi and that he considers my writing to be good and that I was his last hope. I have blocked him together with the few others who asked the same of him before in that arrogant and pushy way.

None of those three reasons that I have named are the sole reason for that decision, it is more the accumulation of all of those reasons over the last years that have finally led to this post. So here is my final decision:

I won't write for the x male reader anymore.

I am sorry for all those who do not belong to the entitled male reader community and still felt included in my blog but I cannot write about something I do not feel motivated about and feel no joy in writing either. To all those arrogant male readers who my read this and feel insulted, here is my own opinion. Fanfiction is fanfiction. I do not have the right to call you out for writing about male readers with female characters who are gay because I have found myself guilty on the other side by thirsting about male characters who are gay and I might one day find myself writing about them with a female reader as well.

I don't mind shippers either as long as everything is kept within a legal range because if you come up to me and confess to shipping some brainrot vomit like Sebastian x Ciel (Black Butler), Toji x Megumi (Jjk) or All Might x Deku (My Hero Academia) I will not let you anywhere close to me. And yes, those are ships that people actually support and write about!! I personally just don't care about a ship unless the series is a romance but if you just keep it normal with the gay ships I don't care if you ship something like Gojo x Geto or Jayce x Viktor. Just don't be weird and then get all offended and mad when others, including the author of the work (!!!) doesn't ship them.

However, if male readers want fanfics then you just have to build your own fandom community and do it yourself. The fujoshis have done it, the whole x female reader community has done it. You have to do the same. No one of the writers on this app has started in here with any previous experience. I for example didn't write any world-changing book series before I started my blog and I guarantee you, none of the other writers have done that either. Just don't be a fucking whiny bitch about it and get all offended about it with writers who only write x female reader.

Listen, all of us have some weird fantasies here. I myself take even the most sunshine characters and turn them into obsessive freaks who abduct the reader and kill for them. I write for dub-con and non-con which is ultimately just a euphemism for fantasising about a fictional character r*ping me. I fantasise about male characters baby-trapping me sometimes but if any man in real life were to say something to me like I have written fictional characters say to the reader I will scream, bite and get a restraining order. Does that mean that I support everything that I see online? Fuck, no. Let's be real, who does? There are people who are weird and then there are people who are just gross and I usually stay away from those communities because arguing with them will only cost you your sanity because they clearly have none. On Tumblr I usually resort to swiftly blocking such people the moment I read their content and you are free to do the same to me if you don't support my writing.

Heck, I’ve even blocked people who ranted in the tags about Yandere or dub-con/non-con content and claimed that everyone who writes and reads such posts sick in the head because I believe I did them the favor of sparing them to come across my works. Speaking from experience, such people usually don’t avoid but feel the need to insult and lecture so I probably did them a favor by doing what they don’t want to do because they thrive on being on what they view as the morally high ground. The block button is there for a reason and not just for fancy decoration after all.

It's been more than 4 years on this app for me and I have grown as a person in real life and strive to do so as I continue each year which is why I have decided to not be a pure people pleaser anymore and only write what I can accept within my own consciousness and what I want to write about. It's my blog, it's my rules and if I can be proud with what I write and accomplish on here then this is how I should continue. To anyone who has requested something with a male reader and is still waiting for it to be answered, I cannot promise you that I will still answer it so you should be prepared that it's going to be most likely deleted. I am unfortunately not the right blog to write what you want but I hope that you can find one who will fill the role that I can't anymore.

[mammomlette]

OBEY ME YOUNGER BROTHERS AS SOULMATE TROPES!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3(WIP rn)]

Includes: Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor, GN!Reader/MC

Warnings: Spoilers for lesson 16 in Belphies (not explicitly said but obvious foreshadowing for a twist), implied manipulation (Belphies) (not sure if that needs a warning but better safe than sorry)

Notes: I’m still quite new to fanfics and Tumblr, and honestly just writing in my free time in general so constructive criticism is defo encouraged!! Also I won’t lie to you, Satan did seem a tad ooc erm…

SATAN: writing/drawings on hands appear on eachother

* As soon as you turned 18, you noticed small phrases and notes appearing on your right hand

* It started off with small things like “page 562” or “British shorthair.” Just things to keep as a reminder or to be able to search it up later

* However, as time went by, the notes became a bit more… concerning

* Concerning book quotes from old literature, sometimes in other languages, and nefarious plans to prank someone called ‘Lucifer’

* Your soulmate plans to prank the devil himself. Haha. What a great idea.

* You brushed it off for a while, appreciating the occasional cat fact or chapter reminder and just ignoring the angry words about Lucifer.

* Eventually, you began to build up the courage to respond. Small things relating to things your soulmate wrote, like cat doodles (good or bad as your art skill may be) or going over the writing of the reminder when you notice it started to fade

* Not knowing if it was your place to write down your own notes or just not quite having that amount of bravery, you still did those little things to let your soulmate know that hey, you’re there and you’re always reading what they have to say.

* Satan thought he was hallucinating.

* Thousands of years spent just jotting things down to remind himself of things at a later date, frequently on his hand, and suddenly things started to change?

* He had wrote “British shorthair” on his palm in hopes of being able to look it up later, and a few minutes later he looks down to his palm to search it up and sees a… cat?? It’s really not clear. It’s round, with two points on the top of its head… yeah thats a cat.

* He’s become so obsessed he’s hallucinating badly drawn cats, which is probably a cause for concern, so naturally he confides in his brothers about this and is comforted that no he’s not hallucinating, however cats are just randomly appearing on his hand.

* They continue to appear, circles with two triangles, some looking better than others and some with more odd features likes birthday hats or weird outfits

* He finally decided to read up on what could be happening and was quickly met with the term ‘soulmates’

* He had heard of this a long time ago from one of his brothers while he was still young (for a demon) and brushed it off as a fairy tale. Why had his soulmate only started communicating with his just now?

* He moved on eventually and time passed, a new human being introduced to his home and his family.

* It took an embarrassingly long time to realise that his human was also his soulmate, it wasn’t until you were both just chilling in his room and you were doodling something next to some words on your arm that he noticed a cat appearing on his own arm.

* “Look! The cat thing is happening!” He shouted, a lot more emotion out into it that he would’ve liked due to the sheer shock

* You stopped what you were doing and look at his arm, the cat drawing having ceased its being drawn while you stared at the cat, face turning into shock and then seriousness. Because that is the cat that you just drew.

* “Satan.” You said, just staring into his eyes without any expression

* “Yes, MC?” He responded, worried at your monotony. His mouth then gaped open and you showed him your arm, cat half doodled next to the words “page 236, sticky notes needed”

* You both just made dead eye contact for a second before your eyes both began to flick back and forth and your lips slowly started to quiver

* Both of your sweet laughters filled the room, how ironic that such a common book trope would be what flew under Satan’s nose for so long.

ASMODEUS: soulmate telepathy

* Ever since you turned 18, you had been hearing a voice in your head.

* Not necessarily in a concerning way! In the way it happens when you and your soulmate have both turned 18 and can finally communicate.

* At first, you thought that you were hearing things. Things like “Ooo, this would be a great touch to my outfit! ♡” and “Can’t believe my bath wasn’t 3 hours long today…” flooding your mind. Since when were you SO picky about your clothes and hygiene, even when not in the process of dressing or washing? And since when were your baths 3 hours?

* Quickly though, you realised that this voice wasn’t your own. It was a melodic sounding voice that felt like honey and most definitely did not belong to you.

* You had heard from your family growing up and your friends recently that once you had become an adult you would be able to communicate with your soulmate through your thoughts, proof of the bond your souls shared, thoughts intertwining together.

* You found that whenever you were deep in thought and rambling to yourself you’d be met with a “hon, slow down” in your mind or that whenever you were trying to figure out an outfit your soulmate would chime in to offer their expert advice without hesitation

* No hesitation at all, because Asmo had waited his entire life for this.

* Thousands of years of life believing that he had no soulmate, destined to forever be a player

* So long spent reading and gushing over cute romance stories where soulmate meet and finding comfort in romcoms about that very topic, and here he was finally with his own soulmate in his mind

* The way you would thank him for his advice before his mind went quiet from your thoughts again until you later told him how well everything went and the way you would ramble internally to him without even realising you were connected to his mind made his heart flutter, even without your face your voice and soul were beautiful

* One day he had been summoned alongside his brothers to the student council room to welcome the new human exchange student. It was a hassle that could be spent doing something more productive like his skincare or extra time in the bath, but he was still just so excited he had to tell you how excited he was to meet the new human!

* “New human?” You thought, but had no response from your soulmate before you appeared inside of a council room in front of 5 attractive strange men.

* You panicked and were kind of in autopilot mode as a tall man in all red introduced you to your situation and a slightly-less-tall man in black started to introduce you to his brothers

* You still had small responses in your shock, and a certain demon recognised your voice.

* You were immediately snapped out of autopilot when you heard the voice of the second brother you were introduced to, an admitted handsome man with slightly-pink-tinted light brown hair and stunning orangeish eyes said “Oh come now. Really? You should be that you get to introduce such a sweet and charming little brother like me!” And you froze.

* You looked like a deer in headlights to lucifer who was trying to introduce you to a blonde demon, but to Asmo, you looked like the most beautiful creature to ever walk the three realms (asides from himself, naturally) and the only person worthy of him.

* Asmo saw beauty in everyone, but everyone else paled in comparison to your face in this moment and your voice every other previous time he had heard it.

* He looked at you with knowing eyes and your eyes finally softened from your shocked face, finally understanding what he meant earlier by “new human”

* It would take time for you to get used to being in a new world with a demon as your soulmate, it would take time for him to get used to loving someone more intimately than as lust, but you both had eachother and the bond that ties your minds together and that’s all you needed.

BEELZEBUB: you share (some of) your soulmate’s pain

* It was growing unbearable.

* The slight yet constant ache in your stomach, a pit that was never quite full.

* For years you mistook it for your own hunger, not sure if you should be eating more or not

* It was always there, always something that disctracted you whenever you were left alone in silence or trying to sleep at night, always waiting for you to finish a meal just to make you feel that familiar ache again.

* It was just insufferable.

* It wasn’t just the hunger, though. There would be times where your muscles would ache like you had been working out without a proper cool down or your arms felt like they had bruised from defending or blocking against something

* You inquired with your friends about this and were just told that it would be your soulmate. You shared pain with your soulmate, and your soulmate always seemed in pain

* It wasn’t a pain that came from attacks or falling, just a pit that always felt so empty it hurt but could never be filled.

* Was your soulmate starving to death? You wished there was a way to help them, to soothe the pain, but without knowing who they are there was no way to fix it.

* As of present, you had been sent into the devildom a few weeks ago and had began to slowly feel adjusted to the devildom and your roommates and you had grown fond of one in particular: Beelzebub, the avatar of gluttony.

* You sympathised with him and his constant hunger since you yourself always felt a small bit of this hunger, even if you’d learnt by now that it wasn’t yours to fix

* So naturally, you hung a round him more

* You spent time with him whenever you could just because you wanted to, accompanying him to the gym or treating him to Hell’s Kitchen or even just sitting with him when he was lonely and missing his brother who had gone to the human world

* And it felt like every time you gave him the food you were craving so much, that pit in your stomach was filled just a bit

* Always there, never going away, but it felt just that bit more bearable and ignorable for a short while

* Who knew you were such an empath?

* Of course it crossed your mind of that Beel could be your soulmate, but what are the chances? You dismissed the thought whenever it appeared, not wanting to get your hopes up

* However, your hopes were validated one night in the kitchen with Beel.

* You were preparing him a small snack, just cutting up some devildom-style bread for him when you accidentally put your finger down at the wrong time in the wrong place and cut it

* You hissed at the pain, putting down the knife to look at your finger and you thought you heard Beel grunt.

* “MC, are you okay?” He inquired, approaching you to look at your finger while slightly cradling his own for some reason

* “Uh, yeah, I just need a plaster or something, would you mind..?” “Yeah, of course.” He continued to clutch his finger while reaching for the cabinet, letting go for a second to open it and grab you a plaster

* “Are you okay? You’re holding your finger too.” You were slightly worried by his mannerisms even though you didn’t see a cut on his fingers.

* “Yeah, my finger just hurt all of a sudden. It’s fine though. Here, I’ll put the plaster on for you.”

* You fell into comfortable silence as he opened the plaster and began pressing in down, but he pressed down a bit too hard which hurt you, causing both of you to hiss.

* “Seriously Beel, are you okay?” He nodded. “Yeah, it’s just like whenever you get hurt my finger hurts too.”

* Lightbulb. You realised finally that those slight considerations were valid and the connection you felt with Beel was real. The hunger you felt wasn’t yours and the reason it was numbed when you gave him food is because it was his.

* He seemed to have realised this too, because he paused and looked at you, slowly smiling.

* “MC, I just realised something. I think that-“ you cut him off with a kiss, smiling now too.

BELPHEGOR: you have a countdown until your soulmate’s death

* Surely there was an error in the system.

* Call you crazy but you didn’t quite think that 378,691,205,018 seconds is applicable to the human life span.

* You had come to the conclusion that your soulmate was either non-existent and the universe was fucking with you or they were some kind of non human entity and obviously both of these answers were stupid but at least the former was possible.

* You’d grown accepting overtime that you didn’t have a soulmate unlike how most of your friends did and that you’d never have that sort of unconditional love

* Not having a soulmate wasn’t unheard of, just uncommon.

* And you got the short end of the stick. That’s all there was to it.

* UNTIL you got randomly abducted one day into literal hell where pretty much all beings there loved for thousands of years.

* ‘Maybe I have a chance now?’ You crossed the thought out from your mind. First of all, these were demons and most of them had made attempts on your life at some point or another, and secondly almost all of them either a) didn’t have a timer, which meant no soulmate, b) had an insanely high timer that you’d never be able to reach or c) had already found their soulmate

* You sighed to yourself and began to lose hope again, walking up the stairs to the attic

* A short while ago, you had found a human locked in the attic, who had asked you to help him. You clicked, something in that moment just felt like it had been put in place like the final puzzle piece so you trusted him without really knowing why

* But you had even more recently found out from his brother that he was bulshitting you and that he was probably the demon Belphegor, so now you just wanted to figure out what was going on

* You continued to march up the stairs and finally arrived at the attic to confront him or at least question him

* “Are you Belphegor?” You cut to the chase not wanting to bother with any more of his lies.

* He was silent for a second before grinning, devilish look that you’d expect from the decent ruler or the underworld gleaming in his eyes as he said “Aww, so you’ve already figured me out, have you? Well, you’re no fun at all.”

* You glared, and tried to decide whether declaring he was a liar or asking why he was a liar would be a better idea

* But he spoke up again before you could decide.

* “That timer on your neck, what does it say?”

* You paused, not knowing the exact number. “Um, like, there’s hundred billion seconds-ish? Why?”

* “Because I’m a demon. I’m going to live long enough to fulfil that. Look at my timer, here. It has 13,140,014 seconds. No demon would live that short.”

* “And is thirteen million a lot of time?”

* “About a human lifespan, bit under.”

* You hummed. It made sense to you looking at it at the moment, though you could’ve sworn it was a little bit under your guess, you trusted him.

* Why? He lied to you about being a human, so why do you trust him?

* Because he’s your soulmate. There’s no doubt in your mind. The click, the need to trust him, even seeing him in your dreams. It was right.

* So you believed him, and didn’t give the thirteen million seconds much question. You were going to save him, save your soulmate.

* Because thirteen million seems like a long time, and I guess it was long enough for you to save him. Just not enough to do much more.

[rainyvalentines]

Melting

pairings…clarisse la rue x daughter of apollo

description…clarisse is unable to find reader but she finds her in a weird position

warnings…none just fluff

requested…yes

w/c…591 words 3138 characters

a/n…i do apologize if this isnt the best this is my first fanfic! idk how but i randomly got motivation to write this at like 12 am. hope this is alright! 💗💗

Clarisse just came from training which lasted a few hours. She came to find you in your regular spot, the strawberry fields. As she looked around she couldn’t see you, she had started to panic and went back to the camp to check the Apollo cabin. She knocked which one of the Apollo kids opened the door.

“Do you know where y/n is? She isn’t in the strawberry fields.” Her voice sounded panicked and worried.

“I’m not sure, try to check the forest she’s sometimes out there!”

“Alright thank you.” She quickly walked off into the forest. She started to shout your name is hopes of you responding. “Y/N!”

She started to run through the forest. The next second she had heard your voice. “Clarisse..?” Your voice sounded incredibly tired as if you woke up.

“Y/N? Where are you!”

“Up here!”

Clarisse looked up and saw you on a tree branch. “What are you doing up there?”

“I dont know just felt like it”

“Come down!”

You hopped down. She held you tightly “At least tell me before climbing trees?”

“I promise I will” You reach into your tote bag and pull out a mushroom. “I found this! It reminded me of you!”

“Oh thank you princess, I love it.” She softly kissed your cheek

“You’re welcome! I also make you a flower crown!” You grab the crown and hand it to her. “I couldn’t find the flowers you liked so I hope these will do.”

“They work just fine for me, do you wanna go back into camp?”

“Sure! Can I braid your hair again? It looks a little messy now.”

“Of course” She smiled softly at you and held your hand.

You both got back to camp and it was time for dinner so you went to your table which was usually with all the Ares kids. Even though your father was Apollo, after a lot of convincing Chrion let you sit with Clarisse.

Your hands run through her hair as a makeshift brush. You start you braid her hair into a french braid since those were your favorite to do. Once you’ve finished you make sure it’s perfect before telling her.

“All done! I think you look great!”

“Thank you princess” She smiles at you. “Do you want me to walk you back to your cabin after dinner?”

“I’d like that!” You start to eat your food while everyone around you talks. It was a nice moment, being in a place you love, beside your favorite person. The weather was perfect and you had found a lot of mushrooms.

“You done?” Clarisse tapped your thigh softly.

“Mhm!”

“Alright come on sweetheart.” She stands up and holds her hand out to help you up. You both already made your offerings to the gods so you were free to leave.

As you walk away the sounds of all the campers got quieter and the night became calm. Everything felt still but alive as if in a movie.

“You alright?” Clarisse asked

“Oh yeah! Just zoned out!” You smile at her

“Alright you just went quiet”

“Sorry didn’t mean to, just thinking!”

“It’s alright sweetheart.” She kisses your cheek.

You arrive at the Apollo cabin and she opens the door for you.

“Goodnight princess, see you tomorrow.” She kisses you softly but lovingly.

“Goodnight! Love you!” You close the door and get changed. As you flop onto your bunk thoughts of Clarisse flood your mind. How did I win her?

Soon sleep floods your senses and you melt into your sheets.

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Hello I want to request for headcanons or fics whatever you're in the mood for with fue, nozel, nacht and Julius they wake up in the morning and see their s/o whos period spills onto their bed and she wakes up and is super embarrassed about it

If you're uncomfortable with the topic you don't have to write for it tho it's okay

Hello! No worries, I'm not uncomfortable with blood or periods ^^

This turned quite long, but hopefully you don't mind. The guys are worried about reader being alright, but do comfort the reader, all in their own ways. ^^

Pairings: Fuegoleon x f!reader, Nozel x f!reader, Nacht x f!reader, Julius x f!reader Fanfic type: Headcanons Genre: general/comforting Total length: ~2.1k Warnings: a lot of mentions and depictions of blood (since periods are a main topic of this), the guys being a little worried since blood spilling in the bed isn't common at all to them, but it's a kind of .. hurt-comfort I suppose

Fuegoleon

He has always been one to rise early. That is not to say that if he can spare the time, he doesn’t mind sleeping in, especially after you came a part of his life. And it was also this morning that he was the first to rise.

For a while he simply lied there, next to you and admired your sleeping form next to you. But he didn’t want to wake you up, so he thought that he might just as well get up and do a little morning exercising.

He pushed aside of the covers and sat up, but as he turned to take one more glance of you, he saw blood, under you, staining the covers.

His immediate thought was about you being alright. But you were breathing, and there weren’t signs of distress, which meant that it must’ve been your periods. And for a while he wondered if he should really wake you up, instead of having you lie on bloody sheets.

But as you begun shifting around, and woke up, little by little, he didn’t need to wonder about it.

He sat onto his side of the bed, and placed his hand onto your side, stroking you. “Good morning,” he wished with gentle syllables. “How are you feeling?”

You stretched and greeted him with a smile, but as your consciousness came through from dream lands, you realized that you were feeling a bit… sticky, and the sheets felt a bit wet. Which could mean a couple of things. That you had been sweating in your sleep, or…

So, you sat up, without a reply, and uncovered yourself, only to see bloody sheets, which is why you hastily pulled the covers back over you while staring down to your hands.

You couldn’t believe that your periods had come in early. Or was it really early? Had you just forgotten about where you were in the cycle? In any case you started doing the math in your head, while not daring to look at him. But still, you managed to mumble out a “I’m sorry…”

He placed his hand onto your shoulder, and, even without looking at him, you heard his tender tone. “It’s alright,” he told you. “Periods are a completely natural thing to have.”

Carefully your eyes started to lift from the sheets to him.

“Are you… in pain?” He inquired, telling you that the sheets were the least of his worries.

“A… little bit,” you admitted because the period pains were also creeping in on you.

He pulled you close, and assured you that it’d be alright. His right hand settled onto your lower stomach, and added a bit of warmth to soothe you. “It’ll be alright,” he repeated, and simply held you close, stroking you and focusing on being there for you.

And you… you did feel loved and cared for. For a moment you even forgot about the sheets, but it felt wonderful to know that there was no shame in showing him that you were on your periods.

Nozel

Light started to filter through the curtains to Nozel’s eyes, waking him up. And he knew that he should get up. Get to work. Complete tasks that were on the list for the day, but… the bed was warm. Soft… and most importantly, you were there.

So, he rolled over, and wrapped his arms around you, as much as he could while lying down, and snuggled close to you. But as he settled there, next to you, his hand brushed something… wet? Sticky? And as he ruffled the sheets, there was a faint scent of iron.

He felt his stomach twist, and his heart begun racing, which made him wide awake. But as soon as he was, awake, eyes open. He tried to reason to himself.

No one could have gotten in. And hurt you. So it must’ve been something else.

Regardless, he sat up, and tried to inspect if anything seemed amiss.  And as he pulled his hand away from under the covers, there were red stains covering his skin, which caused him to promptly pull aside the blanket to see the sheets under you stained with blood.

You awoke to the sudden movement, and looked at him with a frown, as he looked under you.

Your eyes followed his gaze and saw the stains as well, filling your mind with questions about if you were supposed to have your periods already. But the questions only crossed your mind for a fraction of a second, as embarrassment took its place, making your cheeks feel warm.

“I’m-, sorry,” you apologized not daring to meet his gaze, as you were afraid that he’d say something… something less than pleasant about it. Or perhaps would wish to have separate beds from now on, so that he wouldn’t have to worry about waking up in a pool of blood.

But instead, he took your hand and looked at you. His lips were parted, as if he was thinking about what to say. And he continued to think for quite a while, until he frowned at his own ability to say The Right thing, if there was such.

Then he closed his mouth, only to open it up again as his eyes averted. “If you wish, we can… go wash up as the servants change the sheets,” he stated. “And we’ll… find a solution.”

“I’m… sorry,” you apologized again, while looking down again.

“It’s not your fault,” he interjected. “It was unexpected,” he continued while giving your hand a squeeze, which gave you the reassurance you needed to look at him.

His cheeks were tinted with a hint of red, and his eyes were still to the side.

He wasn’t trying to guilt you, but instead he was trying to solve it. Solve the situation where you were still sitting on bloody sheets, while circling around commenting on the state of the linen.

But most importantly, he wasn’t trying to blame you.

“I’m certain it’s unpleasant to wake up in… such a state,” he said. “So, if you wish, we can-, freshen up.” He meant well. And honestly, it wasn’t fun to sit there, feeling the sticky, drying period blood on you, along with the creeping period pain.

“Let’s do that,” you finally admitted with soft syllables, with which he lead you, still holding you by the hand, to the wash room. He made sure you had the softest towels, and that the water was warm enough, before telling the servants to change the sheets.

Nacht

Nacht usually wakes up quite early. That is if he has fallen asleep in the first place, since he is quite a bit of a night owl. Though he might prefer “creature of the night”, if he had to choose, not that he necessarily would take kindly being called either by anyone aside of you, because from you it comes with love.

However, this morning, he was up, walking around with a book in hand instead of sitting down to read it, as he passed by the bed where you were still sleeping.

You rolled over in your sleep, pushing aside a lot of the covers as you did so, which revealed a large crimson stain under you, which made Nacht stop.

There was a passing, split second of pain in him for seeing so much blood under you. But he is able to keep himself calm, and collected, because this must simply be your periods. After all, you were moving around and breathing with no sounds of distress, so it was something natural. And periods were by far the most common explanation.

But there was still something so unsightly in the idea of you having to lay in, essentially, a pool of blood. It must’ve been rather uncomfortable.

So, he sat down to the edge of the bed, and gently shook you awake.

“Good morning,” he wished with a gentle tone of voice, to which you replied with a sleepy tone of your own.

But as you regained your consciousness from the dreamlands where you had ventured in your sleep, you begun to feel… something sticky? Wet and… less than nice?

You tried to prop yourself up and as you did, you looked at your hand which was now covered in a thin layer of blood, which was when it dawned on you: the bed was stained from your periods.

You averted your gaze, still looking down to the sheets and apologized. It’d be a pain to get the stains out of the sheets, not to mention the mattress. And you didn’t want to be a burden on him.

But after the apology had flowed out from you, he asked: “Why are you apologizing?”

You looked at him, and there was that smiling expression, but in his smile, you could see a faint frown. Because he didn’t really understand why you needed to apologize for something that you had no control over.

“Because… I stained the sheets…” you replied.

“It was an accident, of which you have no control over. But we can get around it by tracking your cycle in a calendar and taking precautions,” he stated, trying to find a solution.

You nodded, because it did sound sensible. And he was solution oriented to a lot of things, but that didn’t really help with your emotions right there and then.

“We will manage,” he still continued, and took a hold of your hand, while pulling you close. His left hand settled to your head, and pressed it against his chest, as his right held you from the waist.

He might not have been the best at offering words of comfort, but he wanted you to know that he was there for you when you needed it. And he always would be.

Julius

If he can, he likes to sleep as late as possible. That is if he doesn’t have a plan on going anywhere, aside of work.

And thus, in his sleep, he rolled over and snuggled close to you, smiling widely. Because… why wouldn’t he? He was right there, with the love of his life, in a warm, soft bed without a care in the world. If he didn’t count Marx bugging him about paperwork, which wasn’t really a care in itself either, since there was a point in doing the work. A very valid point at that.

But for now, he simply wished to snuggle next to you for a few more minutes, so he pulled you closer, reached a little further around you and there was… dampness? Stickiness? But it didn’t feel like anything he was necessarily familiar wi-

Then it dawned on him. It felt a lot like blood. But you were sleeping blissfully in his arms. He could feel your chest rising and falling, and there were no signs of uneasiness.

He propped himself up, nudging you unintentionally in the process, which caused your eyes to flicker open.

“Good morning,” you smiled to him as you were coming to from the sleep.

“Good morning,” he wished back. “How are you feeling?”

You hummed for a while, then realizing that there was something… something damp and it… wasn’t quite sweat, because sweat wasn’t this sticky and… You got up, and reached under you, only to pull your bloodied hand back and look at it.

You could have prepared to this, or that was what you thought to yourself. You could have been counting days there was to your periods. Though there was sometimes bound to be some variation, and considering everything that had been going on lately and-

“Are you in pain?” He asked, waking you from the train of your thoughts.

“I’m sorry… for staining the sheets,” you replied, not really answering to his question.

He blinked for a moment, before letting out a laugh. “We can always get more sheets,” he smiled to you while pulling you closer. “There’s nothing to worry about,” he assured you.

You turned to look at him, the best you could, and quite simply looked at him. And he just smiled in return.

He smiled that bright reassuring smile of his that made you think that everything would be alright in the world, no matter what. He wasn’t mad, or upset with you. To him it was simply a part of life.

And you could always get more sheets.

[readwritejayy]

Dinner Date

(Read on AO3 here)

“Darling, is something wrong?” Emmrich was gazing at her with that sweet, worried look. “You don’t have to drink the wine if you don’t wish.”

“No, no it isn’t that,” Rook said, waving her hand. “I just…I didn’t know this was a date.”

Words: 1,103

Notes: throwing my hat in the ring of “writing fanfic for something that isn’t even out yet”. yes i’m also smitten by the gentleman necromancer and his skeleton companion.

Yes, obviously she felt bad for misunderstanding his request. In Rook’s defense, Emmrich had asked if he could “steal her away” for a night when the team wasn’t running left and right dealing with world-ending problems. And given Emmrich’s propensity for speaking so “proper” (which was evidently rubbing off on her a bit), that could have meant any number of things!

No it couldn’t.

Unfortunately she realized that too late, which was why Rook was currently seated in the kitchen of the Lighthouse in a full suit of armor, while Emmrich was dressed in a handsome white button-up, vest, and trousers. His usual coat was missing, but Rook wasn’t about to complain about seeing more of his slender yet poised form.

When she walked into the kitchen, expecting a quick conversation or something to do with Manfred, she was startled to find the kitchen had been transformed. The lamps were dimmed, the counters were lined with candles meticulously lit and arranged, and the little table now had a vase with a single embrium flower.

Emmrich stood beside one of the chairs, wringing his gloved hands together. When she had started to explain her attire, Emmrich just wore that lovesick smile on his face.

“Yes, you do look every bit as magnificent as you do when you’re wielding that axe and cleaving through darkspawn,” he’d sighed.

So Rook took her seat (after Emmrich had pulled out her chair for her, of course). Manfred walked over from his place in the corner. He wore a bow tie around his bony neck. As he walked, the two wine bottles nestled in his pelvic bone clinked together.

He pulled the two bottles out and waved them enticingly, tilting his head.

“Yes Manfred, thank you,” Emmrich replied. “White wine for myself, and a red for the lady?”

Rook shrugged and gave an apologetic look. “I’m not much of a wine drinker myself.”

“Then you could give it a try tonight,” he suggested. While he spoke, Manfred filled the glass Emmrich held, then the glass in front of Rook. “A nice red is a great place to start, but you’re welcome to a sip from my glass as well.”

The conversation flowed as easily as it always did in Emmrich’s presence. She hardly noticed when Manfred brought out their dinners—a pasta dish Rook was certain she wouldn’t be able to pronounce but would probably sound delightful coming from Emmrich’s lips.

It was lovely. And Rook couldn’t help but feel like she’d somehow tricked Emmrich into thinking she was the kind of person that was “wined and dined”. Yes she’d made a mistake in showing up in full armor, but even if she hadn’t misunderstood, it wasn’t like she had anything fancier to wear. The alternative was the casual clothes she wore under her armor with blood and sweat stains that still didn’t come out.

“Darling, is something wrong?” Emmrich was gazing at her with that sweet, worried look. “You don’t have to drink the wine if you don’t wish.”

“No, no it isn’t that,” Rook said, waving her hand. “I just…I didn’t know this was a date.”

His brow raised. Emmrich set down his fork and wiped his mouth with his cloth napkin.

“My dear, I deeply apologize for the misunderstanding,” he explained. “I should have been more clear. You must think me a horrible cad. I can walk you back if you’d like to go…or perhaps you wouldn’t like that—“

“No I didn’t mean…that isn’t what I…” Rook sighed. She rubbed her face with her hands; everything she said always came out sounding boorish next to Emmrich. With a clumsy hand, she gestured to her attire. “I was trying to explain, that’s why I showed up in full armor. I mean, not that I have anything better.”

“Ah.” Emmrich visibly relaxed and resumed eating. “You hardly need to explain yourself to me. I certainly wasn’t going to complain.”

“But you went to all this work! You lit all these candles, you decorated, you made dinner—“

Bones rattled angrily in a dark corner of the kitchen.

“Ah, sorry,” Emmrich said, holding up a hand. “Manfred made the dinner. I ran out of time while I was lighting all the candles. And…I’m not the best cook, though it shames me to admit.”

A breath of laughter escaped her lips.

“You put in a lot of effort,” she continued. “And I haven’t had that before. And I showed up in the same rusty armor I wear for days at a time. And I don’t know how to show you that I’m entirely out of my element but I really appreciate all of this.”

Rook drew in a long breath after her ramble.

“And I like you. A lot.”

Emmrich’s face lit up, his expression rivaling his excitement when they stumbled onto the ruins of a catacomb weeks prior.

“I admit I’m happy to simply be graced with your company. Perhaps I also…quite enjoy the sight of you in that armor,” he said. “But if I could dare ask for more, I’d rather like to walk you to home.”

After dinner, he did just that; he took her hand on his arm and walked her the whole fifteen feet to the door of her room. They stood in front of the closed door silently for a few moments. Rook shuffled from foot to foot.

“You know, you could come in if you like,” she offered. Then she made a face. “I guess coffee is back in the kitchen…I don’t know, it seemed like the thing people say after a date.”

Emmrich chuckled. “I’m afraid I have to decline; it would be improper after a first date.”

“Even if a lady offers? You’re nothing if not a gentleman,” Rook replied, grinning. “Very well. Could I at least give you a kiss?”

Before he could reply, Rook leaned over and pressed a kiss to Emmrich’s cheek. His face visibly flushed.

From the doorway of the kitchen came the sound of bones knocking together as Manfred clapped happily.

“Manfred, please,” Emmrich groaned. He turned his focus back to Rook, taking her hand and kissing her bruised knuckles. “Good night, my dear.”

She watched Emmrich walk away, Manfred ambling on behind him. She still wasn’t sure how she’d caught the attention of the handsome necromancer, nor how she’d managed to hold his attention long enough to convince him she had something worthwhile to give in return. But if he still liked her after tonight, she certainly wouldn’t argue.

She’d just…double check next time he invited her to dinner.

[feather-dancer]

Tales of Arcadia fanfic recommendations part 8

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8

If at all interested in my own writing you can find it here! Several of my own are currently getting scrubbed for improvement to make them more readable. Currently goal is for all of Spotlight being completed by the end of the year.

Been a while huh? This has still been sitting in my drafts though even when my brain decided “Nope not reading” for a while. Still got quite a hefty backlog to read through along with authors I’m subscribed to for their most recent works as and when they pop up. Regardless, determined to get back on top of it and unearth things I want to give a shoutout to because it’s cool shit :)

To you, fans past and present and surviors of RotT Tales of Arcadia fandom.

General Tales of Arcadia

But Everything Hurts - You don’t come back from death with a free pass and Douxie’s fall from the castle cost was chronic pain for an immortal’s lifetime. He was told to learn how to live once, now it is learning to manage.

Of Hunger Pains and Old Habits - Food is hard when you’ve spent a very young life without it until life takes a strange turn and it becomes plentiful. Died in habits are hard though, Douxie will hear the unconvinced whispers for the rest of his life.

almost there - When Jim heads off until the Darklands alone Toby and Claire try to hold themselves together not knowing if he’ll ever return. This is set post season 1 and is wonderfully bittersweet.

Our Little Viginette - Moppet faces the end of an era with the fall of Camelot and (Temporary) loss of Merlin after the Battle of Killahead.

A way to cope - Jim pretends to cope with the trauma of being in the Darklands a lot better than he actually is, as long as he keeps the breakdowns out of sight then nobody can worry right?

dandelion eyes - In which Bellroc discovers the concept of nail polish.

Adieu - The final moments of Angor Rot

Saudade - It’s perfect. They beat Gunmar, nobody died and he can finally enjoy being a teenager again, Thinks Jim. Then why if he stops ignoring the feeling for even a few seconds does it all seem so hollow...?

Rise of the Titans

The Last Changeling - Jim escaped the timeline filled with mistakes in hopes of making things right. He didn’t account for those left behind to grieve or the changeling that suddenly found himself as the last.

I Can't Pull the Sword From the Stone - Jim went back and now Toby is the new Trollhunter which should be smooth sailing right? Except history is refusing to repeat it’s self exactly, little elements are already changing and Jim’s experiences have left him tainted with magic he can’t control along with all the memories and traumas. It’s hard to grieve for someone who is technically still alive but everything you had is gone without a soul out there to understand.

More is all you need - Jim has gone back, something stupid by his own admittance, however in sorting through his thoughts he comes to a realisation.

Stricklake

Comes Around - Post Trollhunters season 3, it’s a struggle to figure out what to do when you have a cradlestone full of babies and a changeling that no longer is but you have to just try and muddle through somehow... Perhaps a chance to try figure out what your relationship is meant to be too now things have calmed down a bit.

Media Consumption - Wholesome fluff that also involves Wally and creating an addict to the HtTyD franchise early on.  

A Measure of Intellect - The goblins are breaking into the stricklake household and they’ve already stolen the blender. The fun part is figuring out exactly what they’re up to. Related to Media Consumption.

enough - Figuring out a normal in the mundane of after everything has happened is quite a lot for a jaded changeling. Very fluffy.

The Wild Hunt - Letting your troll boyfriend hunt is good enrichment but the prize for capture is even better.

The Armour of Daylight - A little glimpse into a high fantasy world where everyone might just be a little bit cursed.

The School Of Janus - This is an AU while also being Stricklake so it lives here. The Darklands are the most prestigious educational process in the world according to their promo material and Jim is prepping to head there while putting off most of his packing as long as humanly possible. Good thing he does really the banter is delightful.

Ink Stains - An AU making an escape in the name of shipping again. Here Barbara married into court politics with her husband being an heir for Camelot and changelings are a secret guard force protecting those important hiding away in plain sight. Incredibly cool world building going on here.

Keen Swimmers 2023 - A collection from last year mostly in AU territory and very tasty. Read the summaries and off you go!

Special Delivery - Very short and sweet, if you’re interested in the ship just trust me and click it.

Locked Rooms - Barbara lost her memory. She doesn’t know how and she doesn’t really know why either. All she does know is that whatever they are seem to be behind a locked door and that strange imagery is leaking into her dreams.

Alternate Universe

Dig your eight graves - It was only supposed to be a fun trek out for Halloween for the Arcadia kids, test out the set up and give feedback so the owner could improve them for when it would officially open the next year. Nobody could have predicted how it’d go so horribly wrong.

Content warning: This fic is marked Mature for character death, body horror, desecration of corpses and for being of the general slasher genre. Please check the tags before proceeding.

Between Daylight and Darkness - The Sunshine AU is back and it’s time for the team to go Trollhunting.So how many spanners can Jim being the nearest equivilent to a were-troll throw into the works of canon? Well hopefully nothing fatal...

Toby's Appointment - Sometimes you need to read very silly things and this is probably the funniest possibility you could find in the dentist waiting room.

The Grave of the Felled Forest - A boy and his familiar go to check out Merlin’s places of power/various stash spots to make sure all is still well. They are not anticipating visitors or his intent to be poked. Part of The Heart of Janus AU.

[poppitron360]

Big “I’m Back, Bitch” post after my Hiatus.

Hello All!

This is kinda just intended for close moots or anyone who was worried about me or is interested in Poppi’s Personal Life Lore, just to keep you guys up to speed on how I’m doing after some time away and what to expect from me in 2025.

SO MUCH has happened in the two months I was away from Tumblr so for starters, here is a brief list of updates I have about My life/Fandoms/General shenanigans in no particular order

- The Ithaca Saga came out and it was AMAZING. I completely ignored my stockings that Xmas morning and instead just listened to it. By the time Christmas day was over I’d already listened to it about six times.

- Yes I was at the watch party along with 206,000 other people. It was truly historical.

- The Helluva Boss sinsmas special came out and almost made me cry. It’s been a while since I was posting about that show, but dw I still watch it

- I’m now on book 3 of Magnus Chase and YES YOU WERE ALL ABSOLUTELY CORRECT I LOVE ALEX SO MUCHHHHH. Expect some Alex Fierro/Fierrochase/Jack x Riptide content from me soon

- The Star Wars Disney+ shows are better than they’ve been since Mandolorian Season One.

- HAPPY 2025!!! This can’t be a real year. 2017 was still last year. No way we’re halfway through the 20s already.

- I had a BIG LIFE UPDATE that for personal reasons I can’t share online but it was BIG and also GOOD and I’m really proud of it. It was also unexpected and not the reason I took time off for. Idk why I’m including this bc I can’t really say anything about it but I need y’all to know that something good happened. It seems like when I vent about personal stuff here I only talk about the bad but good stuff does happen sometimes too.

- I got a weighted blanket for xmas. It’s so cozy and I love it.

- I have started getting into making OCs. Some for fandoms, some not.

- Penelope is now my favourite character in Epic.

- I’ve been writing this fanfic about the children of Percabeth, Solangelo, and Valgrace going on a TLT-style quest together so stay tuned to either read that or watch me give up on it and then just infodump about the plot I would’ve written if I’d had the energy

- I’m finally caught up on The Amazing Digital Circus

- I’m finally caught up on Agatha All Along (I still have the last episode to watch)- I think Joe Locke is stuck playing Sad Gay Baby-bois for the rest of his carrer now.

- Joel Smallishbeans won Wild Life and Grian is making 7hr Hermitcraft videos now.

- I performed in a play

- I have a 133-day streak on Duolingo!!

- Technically my one year Hyperfixation anniversary of Percy Jackson! I count it as the first Wednesday after Christmas as that’s when I watched the TLT musical for the first time. Because of this, whenever I doodle an SPQR tattoo on my arm when I’m bored, I will now draw two lines under it instead of one.

- Less than one month into 2025 and I can already predict that “The Challenge” is gonna be my top song of the year on Spotify

- Overall, I’ve just been trying my best to relax and take it easy, and I think I succeeded, which is good because that’s what I needed.

Now for the slightly less lighthearted stuff. I need to set a few things straight, for myself more than anything.

Firstly, I want to clarify that mentally I'm fine. I realise my leave was sudden and might’ve worried some people, and I apologise, but I am safe. You don't have to worry about my health or wellbeing.

This too will pass, and you'll get more dedicated, hyperobsessed Poppi back again once this has all blown over. Although, the aforementioned “BIG GOOD LIFE UPDATE” might complicate things.

Holidays are a stressful time for me, as I’m sure they are for you. With that on top of work and life stuff I needed to shed some mental load and unfortunately Tumblr was the first thing to go. And it will be the first thing to go again when something else stressful shows up. Adulting is hard you guys.

I've made it no secret that I've had some stressful stuff going on in my life these past few months. Yes, I am back from hiatus. Yes, I'm taking the time to rest and take care of myself. But I do not have the physical capacity to fully administrate a Tumblr blog on top of everything else right now.

So from now on, things are gonna be a little bit different around here. I won't be making posts every day and I won't be writing large fanfics or working on any complex fanarts.

I will need to take more hiatuses as things pile up.

I don’t know when exactly, but consider it a fact (unless I say otherwise) that this will happen again.

I know a lot of you will be understanding but I want to set these rules for myself so I don't feel any pressure from my brain to provide for you all. As I'm sure most of you will relate, I have a kinda all-or-nothing attitude to my interests, and as of this point in my life I can't afford to give my all to my blog. So expect a lot less from me these next few months.

Also, still nothing on the Autism Assessment Application stuff, in case anyone was wondering about that. This is the reality of living under the NHS. But by talking to people I’ve still been able to get the help and support that I need regardless of a diagnosis. And I also have a bunch of fidget toys now!!

Anyhoo, sorry for the ramble. I neither assume nor expect everyone will bother reading this so thank you for taking the time if you did. I wanted to put all of this in one post so I don’t need to keep talking about this and boring y’all with personal details in case you’re not interested. On with the fun fandom fiascos!!

I thank you all for your patience and being so kind and considerate while I needed some rest. I could not hope for a more awesome corner of the internet to exist on. Love you all. Stay safe. I’ll see you soon!

— Poppi <3

@lavenderfairiez @ginnyluna @groverapologist @echo-stimmingrose @demigod-shenanigans @keefessketchbook @sleepyycapybara @123letsgobestie @fairytalesociology @four-leafed-queer-gal @child-of-helios @puzzled-pegasus @ollieisanerd @twomanyfandomshelp @lokiwiiiiiii @yoshuko-ew @frayna-of-the-hollow @via-rant @hadeslegacyhephgirl @pjowasmy1stfandom @thetourturedwritersclub @m-for-now @inky-void @deciduowl