#also SO MANY POTENTIAL HEARTBREAKS WAITING TO HAPPEN

[aemcndtargaryen]

NOT DADTINI !!! 😭🤧

he's a sweet cinnamon roll, too pure for this world

... but lowkey some very valid points were brought up that I absolutely thought nothing of when reading the story, cos ofc he wouldn't (would he?! 🙃)

I mean his motive for getting rid of bio-dadtini would be obvious, but what about the new vics? (also another option: maybe he had words with Jesse about what he put momtini through, which could've led him to spiral? in which case he mightve inadvertently had a hand in what happened to him👀)

... tho its a bit sus that the killings started around the time appletini took over the clinic... and dadtini retired... and suddenly had all that free time on his hands... FINE he can have a footnote on the suspect list, even if it BREAKS MY HEART and i REFUSE TO BELIVE IT'S HIM😭🤧

but also the Jesse case is very interesting too, cos tho decades earlier, he did die in a similar fashion to the ice fishers vics

was it an accident? or was he project zero for the ice fisher? given his track record I'm sure the police didn't even question if foul play was involved at the time, but maybe there was👀

also when reading his journals you specifically mentioned dinner with DALE👀

was it a coincidence? I think not

did it help further my dale+trent co-ice fishering agenda? mayhaps👀

Hello, after re-reading here are my gathered possibilities of who the Ice Fisher is.

Dale - park ranger for years, knows way around nature.

Brad - idk just for shits and giggles 🤭

Appletini’s dad - was in the marines, was the former vet clinic doctor (could know a thing or two about sedation) and it’s kinda sus that her bio dad Jesse was getting better and then one day he washes up on shore. And he mentions he’s loved her mom his whole life and couldn’t get her to leave him. “I waited for that marriage to fall apart and did.” Kinda sus, but maybe I’m looking into it too deeply.

Trent - very obvious choice… a little too obvious. Same shoe size as the Ice Fisher. Broke the edge of the table at Taco Bell. Got angry when he got chicken instead of steak tacos.

[fluffyartbl0g]

Redraw of the panels that SHATTERED MY HEART o(；△；)o!!! OG panels + Opinions on the Luffy separation arc under read more

Okay let me just go on a tangent about my feelings about the post-series Luffy separation arc, cause I think it gets way too much hate when it’s such a heartbreaking and well executed deviation from oda’s standard formula!!! I know that we all love monkey d. luffy and he’s LITERALLY the main character of the series, but it was also really nice to get more time to focus on the rest of the crew. But here’s the thing, even when Luffy wasn’t here, he was still here. And I’m not talking about the so called ‘blessings’ or whatever that kept SUSPICIOUSLY popping up around the crew when Luffy disappeared, I’m talking about the consequences that arised from him disappearing. We truly got to see how grand the effect luffy has had on the world around him, and how many lives he was able to touch ; - ; So even though luffy physically wasn’t present (I mean KIND OF but you know what I mean), this was still VERY MUCH a luffy arc imo. 

Oh man but I think Oda wrote luffy’s disappearance so well,,, I was sobbing for like 80 percent of this arc. Like just gradually seeing the crew’s deterioration as time passes by,,, but everyone has such unwavering faith in their captain, he HAS to come back cause Luffy always comes back. But here’s the thing, Luffy didn’t know what was happening to him when he started disappearing. But what he DID know is that he wasn’t sure if he was gonna be able to come back or not. And Luffy hates breaking promises- he’d never make a promise if he didn’t plan to keep it, and he’s not an idiot either, so when he just felt himself disappearing and saw zoro nearby... Instead of saying something like “I’ll be back!” and potentially making his crewmates wait for him forever, he tells zoro to “take care of the crew”... SOBBING AND CRYING T - T. So YES. the crew has unwavering faith in their captain. But. Luffy didnt say that he’d be coming back or anything. So what are they supposed to do really.

And it’s really hard to read at some parts, like it never loses the goofy tone that has been there throughout all of one piece and it’s really sweet to see everyone rely on each other to keep one another afloat, but the slight tension that keeps building up over the months while they keep looking for clues and answers... And how each lead keeps becoming a dead end... When it builds up and Usopp finally voices the thing that’s on everyone’s mind.

Oh man. I started crying so hard. It took 6 month for any one of them to say something. Like this is One piece. Of course Luffy is gonna come back eventually, it would be waay too dark otherwise... But Idk man, even I started to doubt that :((( But luckily. THIS IS ONE PIECE. So right after everyone started,,, well not exactly losing hope or anything (maybe a bit)? but going BATSHIT INSANE FROM THE REALITY THAT THEIR CAPTAIN MIGHT BE GONE FOR GOOD, they finally got a solid actual clue of what might’ve happened to luffy!!! And I’m SO GLADDDD!!!!

Omg and when they tracked down the pray-pray no mi user and finally got some answers out of him. OMG WAIT A MOMENT I REALLY LIKED IS WHEN PRIEST GUY IS LIKE “urerheg without luffy up there as a god the entire world may very well be destroyed cause the sun has been super unstable for centuries blah blah” and then Nami freaking PUMMELED THE GUY AND SHOVED HIM DOWN WITH HER STAFF AND

SOBBING CRYING SOBBING. THEY WOULD POTENTIALLY BLOW UP THE ENTIRE WORLD IF IT MEANT THAT THEIR CAPTAIN WOULDNT HAVE TO BE LONELY ; - ; KILL ME.

URGH I was really hoping that Luffy would return right once they beat him up cause I really really missed my boy, but honestly I think the final method of getting Luffy to return was super clever and absolutely worth the extra 3 weeks of waiting!!! I know that it was foreshadowed across the whole West Blue Saga and everything but I honestly had no clue it would end like that, DONT MAKE FUN OF ME :(((

When the crew finally got their captain back after 8 months of waiting... I mean they’ve been separated before for even longer periods of time, but they always knew that they’d be back together. This time they didn’t know. BUT AREHAHRGE ALL THE PAIN AND SUFFERING WAS SO WORTHIT WHEN THEY ALL FINALLY REUNITED T - T!!!!!! UWAHHWHAHWUAAGGHA!!! AND SEEING ALL THEIR ALLIES AND FRIENDS THEYVE MADE JUST CHEER AND CRY WHEN THEY HEAR THE NEWS!!!! I WOULD CHUCK ALL THE PANELS HERE IF I COULD BUT ID JUS T REACH THE IMAGE LIMIT BECAUSE ALL OF THEM MADE ME CRY ; - ;!!! Literally just read those 5 chapters in the arc finale cause,,,, man so good T - T

Anyways TLDR: The post-series luffy seperation arc is NOT BAD and you guys are JUST COWARDS AND LIARS!!!!

[slut4msby]

like you love me. oikawa tooru x reader

+ tags & warnings; slight angst, slight fluff

+ a/n; okok so i have had real bad writers block but heres this its alright but kinda rushed also i have been a little obsessed with the seijoh4 atm so expect more seijoh4 writings :3

"Tooru, do you really have to go?" you question, your gaze fixed on the floor. The thought of looking at your now ex-boyfriend pains you deeply. His presence stings, though you understand it wasn't his intention to hurt you. Both of you acknowledge that parting ways is for the best; he's pursuing his dream across the world, and you want nothing more than to be happy for him. Yet, the struggle to find that happiness within yourself is challenging.

"Y/N, please look at me, darling," Tooru pleads, tilting your chin to meet his gaze. "You know how much this hurts me too."

You do know. There's no denying how Oikawa feels right now, the difficulty he is facing. Maybe even more than you. You're aware that he will carry the weight of your heartbreak on his shoulders, blaming himself, even though you understand it's not his fault. He's simply pursuing the path that brings him joy, the one you've always encouraged him to take. You recognize Oikawa's potential for greatness and don't want to stop him.

"Stop looking at me like that," you retort bitterly, avoiding eye contact.

"Like what?" Oikawa inquires.

"Like you love me, Tooru."

The truth stings.

"But I do love you, N/N-chan."

"I don't want you to love me, Tooru. I want you to forget about me entirely. I don't want to be a lingering memory for you. All I'll do is hold you back. Tooru, I know you can achieve so much without me," you declare, your words accompanied by falling tears.

"Y/N," Tooru murmurs, his voice filled with a mixture of pain and longing.

“Bye Tooru.”

That was the last time you had spoken or even seen Tooru in almost ten years. You couldn’t deny you often thought of him. He was the best lover you have ever had. When you heard the news that Oikawa had started playing for the Argentina team, you couldn’t help but smile. Smile at all the things he could achieve without you, like you never happened. That's what you thought at least. However, it was the complete opposite. Tooru could only ever think of you. No matter how many women he dated or slept with he could only ever think of you.

He missed you.

He missed you like crazy, but he knew he couldn’t reach out. In the last five minutes he saw you, you practically told him you want nothing to do with him. Little did he realise that you eagerly waited for any form of contact from him. As time passed, regret overcame you for those words spoken to Tooru that night, playing like a broken record on your mind.

As you walked down the stadium halls, trailing behind Atsumu who was rambling about some nonsense story in preparation for the Japan vs. Argentina match. You walk past the Argentinian team’s locker room. You pause for a moment, as you catch yourself staring blankly at the door. The intensity of your gaze prompted Atsumu to halt mid-story, looking at you with concern.

“You good, N/N?” he asked

You nod, “yeah, let’s just keep going, Atsumu.”

You and Atsumu keep walking down the stadium halls. However, as you both move forward, you can’t shake off the lingering thoughts of the Argentinian team’s locker room and the memories associated with Tooru. 

As you continue navigating the maze of corridors, you spot a familiar figure walking towards you in conversation with another large muscular man. Your heart skips a beat when you realise it’s Tooru Oikawa. Time seems to freeze as you lock eyes with him.

Atsumu notices your change in attitude and follows your guide. His eyes widened in surprise, staring at the renowned setter. “Well if it ain’t Oikawa…” Atsumu mutters under his breath.

Oikawa doesn’t even acknowledge Atsumu as he takes a step forward towards you. “Y/N,” he says, his voice tainted with a mixture of surprise and longing.

You swallow hard, caught between the rush of emotions and the memories flooding back. “Tooru,” you respond, your voice barely above a whisper. The air becomes charged with unspoken words and unresolved emotions. “We were just getting on our way right, Atsumu?”

“Yeah.” Atsumu responded giving 

“Y/N-san, please just give me a minute.” Oikawa pleads.

“Sorry Tooru, we have somewhere to be…” He could tell you wanted to stay, to see him. He could see it in your face, he heard it in the way you spoke. You were still as beautiful as he remembered. He was still as in love with you as his 18 year old self was. Most people his age were having kids, getting married, and settling down. However, Oikawa couldn’t. He was still in love with his high school sweetheart, the woman who didn’t love him back, or so he thought.

The match progresses with both teams fiercely competing on the court. Your attention is divided between the game and the unresolved emotions stirred up by Oikawa's unexpected presence. As you sit on the bench, feverishly writing in your notebook just like you used to during his high school matches, memories flood back, and your heart feels a mix of nostalgia and anxiety.

Meanwhile, Oikawa can't help but steal glances at you from the court. The years have passed, but the feelings are still alive. Next to you sits his best friend, Hajime Iwaizumi, who senses the tension in the air and knows he needs to address the unresolved issues between you and Oikawa.

As the match reaches its climax, and the crowd roars with excitement, Hajime approaches you discreetly. "Hey, Y/N," he says, turning to you.

"What's up?" you ask, looking up from your notebook.

"Can you meet me outside the physio room after the match?" he requests. "I just need help with something."

"Of course, Hajime," you respond, offering a reassuring smile.

The match concludes, leaving the stadium buzzing with energy. You make your way to the agreed-upon meeting spot outside the physio room. As you approach, you don’t find Hajime standing there, rather Oikawa Tooru.

“Oh sorry, I was looking for Iwaizumi-san…” You mutter. Your gaze falling to the floor similar to the last conversation the two of you held.

“Oh uhm, me too…” Oikawa says nervously, an arm awkwardly scratching his neck. 

“You played well, Oikawa-san.” You plainly state, attempting to ease the discomfort.

"Oikawa-san?" he questions, a hint of hurt in his expression. The formality stings, a stark contrast to the intimacy you once shared.

"I just thought..." you begin, hesitating for a moment. "Things have changed, Tooru. We both have."

“I still love you Y/N-” Tooru blurts out. Immediately turning red. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “I-I didn’t mean to say that.”

Silence.

“I know you said you didn’t want me to love you, and you wanted me to forget and you and tha-��� 

Tooru’s speech was cut off by your lips meeting his. The unexpected moment left him confused, but within seconds, the initial confusion turned into a reciprocated kiss. The kiss was filled with a range of emotions. The kiss was like an unspoken language that conveyed the complexity of your shared history and the unresolved feelings lingering between you.

“I love you too, Tooru. And I regret every one of those words that came out of my mouth. I haven’t stopped thinking of you, Tooru. no matter who I tried to replace you with, no one was you, Tooru.”

“Stop looking at me like that.” He giggled.

“Like what, I’m being sincere here!”

“Like you love me, darling~.” He teased as he placed a kiss on your forehead.

“Touché, Tooru. Touché.”

©slut4msby.

[kiwiana-writes]

Six(ish) Sentence Sunday

Damn, y'all started early today: thanks @getmehighonmagic @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @onthewaytosomewhere @magicandarchery for the tags!

First of all, thank you so much for all the wonderful birthday wishes/treats/etc—y'all are fucking wonderful and I treasure you ❤️

Here's a little snippet from the prologue of one of my Fandom Trumps Hate offerings, which I am VERY excited about. (I'm excited about all of them honestly; there are no duds in that list of prompts. But this one's... particularly personal, haha.) All it has right now is a prologue in past tense (challenge!) and in Ellen's POV (massive challenge!) before we smash cut to Alex's POV in the canon-adjacent timeline, not because it was a requirement of the fic/prompt or anything but because that's where the ✨ vision ✨ took me 🤣 It also has a tentative title, though that's subject to change... we'll see.

Ellen listened when the long, heavy tresses—the dark colour all Diaz, the weight and texture entirely Claremont—were eschewed in favour of a wild, cropped head of curls. She bought shorts and overalls when CJ’s hand-me-down skirts and dresses were met with a frown and a fierce shake of the head. And when her confident, fiercely intelligent, beautiful youngest child crawled into her lap at five years old, wrapped surprisingly strong arms around her neck, and asked quietly if she thought it was possible that God sometimes made mistakes and gave kids the wrong parts, Ellen swallowed back the lump in her throat and marvelled at the depths of bravery she knew it must have taken to ask the question. She made it through the usual bedtime routine by sheer force of will—a yes, sugar, sometimes that happens, and it’s okay if you think it happened to you and a kiss to the forehead apparently enough in that moment—only breaking down in Oscar’s arms long after both kids were asleep. It wasn’t grief or confusion that had her sobbing; she’d move mountains to make her children happy, whoever they were, whatever they needed. It was sheer frustration, seeing so many potential sources of harm and heartbreak laid out on the path ahead, traps waiting to spring, and knowing she would be unable to clear many of them out of the way.

Tagging @affectionatelyrs @agame-writes @anincompletelist @celeritas2997 @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @dumbpeachjuice @everwitch-magiks @firenati0n @happiness-of-the-pursuit @heysweetheart-writes @indestructibleheart @indomitable-love @inexplicablymine @jellibuns @junebugclaremontdiaz @leaves-of-laurelin @littlemisskittentoes @lizzie-bennetdarcy @matherines @myheartalivewrites @ninzied @nocoastposts @nontoxic-writes @notspecialbabe @orchidscript @piratefalls @read-and-write- @rmd-writes @sherryvalli @ships-to-sail @smc-27 @sparklepocalypse @stereopticons @three-drink-amy @tintagel-or-cockleshells @welcometololaland @whimsymanaged and, as always, anyone who wants to play! (If you take the open tag please tag me so I can see!!)

[thesharktanksdriver]

Just found ur determination series yesterday and damn... Not only are these plotlines really interesting it's PLATONIC???? I've been looking for platonic one piece fics for AGES and I can't believe the first one I've found I'd these stories abt a kid who can never really die.

Like WHATTT ohhhhh the ANGST!!! the DEVASTATION!!!! IM CRYINGG AND NEED MORE HUHUHUHUHU

I hope this kid ends up okay cause man,,,they deserve it,,,

Anyway just wanted to pass by and say I love ur work N to keep it up can't wait for more :DD(⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

Thank you so much!!!!

I love writing platonic because it’s so underrated and there are so many potential dynamics! Like parental, friendship, sibling!! It’s so good

Also I know right? For a show all about platonic relationships there are barely any platonic stuff! I a sense I get it, I’m a simple simp as well (for ace and now Sabo too lol) but cmon! Sometimes I need a character to be my bff or sibling figure!. I want more exploration of these characters of how they’d treat someone they see as family and how that differs from them seeing someone as a romantic figure. Like how would law react to someone who he sees as a younger sibling? Would he be more distant because of what happened with Lami? Or because of her would he be more protective of them due to the fear of losing her another younger sibling? But that’s just me tho lol

Also be prepared for angst I have a whole lot prepared for y/n and everyone in their vicinity lol. Half of one piece with y/n is either pain and the most heartbreaking devastating grief known to man that this poor child hides away as a trauma response over all the years they’ve been alive and alone or “lol yeah forgot that this island was infested with giant man-eating spiders. Sorry guys-“

It’s essentially like tone tonal shift of half my playlists. First we have stuff like Everlong, no surprises, jigsaw falling into place, nobody, slipping through my fingers but then suddenly the Macarena starts playing along with hot to go, banana shake and dead man’s party .

Determination y/n is this Incarnated ⬇️

[critter-genfic-events]

Campaign Crossover Recs

This week, we have seven fics that mix Bells Hells, Vox Machina, and the Mighty Nein together (usually through Keyleth). Check them out beneath the cut, and as always - comment and kudos if you like them!

Voice to the Rain by J (jaywright) (12808,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Keyleth & Orym, Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Keyleth/Vex'ahlia

Before the events of EXU, Keyleth takes a grieving Orym with her to Whitestone

Reccer says: warm and beautiful and heartbreaking

Amethyst and Flowers on the Table by Operafloozy (2291,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Caduceus Clay & Keyleth, Keyleth & Vilya

Vilya introduces her daughter to the man who restored her memories, one Caduceus Clay.

Reccer says: I love that Keyleth is still angry in this and she and Caduceus have their disagreements, but there's still the potential of a friendship

whitestone is for eulogies by Lifelights (13290,Teen) Warnings: canon typical violence, temporary character death Pairings: Laudna & Vox Machina, Laudna/Imogen

When they first meet, she's dead and hanging from a tree. The second time...she's still dead, but more able to remember. (Aka: a barely divergent AU where Laudna meets Vox Machina in Whitestone)

Reccer says: Everyone is extremely in character and it's a great premise

a spark of potential by mousecookie (1189,Teen) Warnings: Pairings: Ashton Greymoore & Caleb Widogast

After Ludinus's defeat, Ashton approaches one of their new allies with questions about dunamancy.

Reccer says: Great voices and it has a lot of fun details

Fearful Symmetry by seraphium (3151,Teen) Warnings: No archive warnings apply Pairings: Keyleth & Vilya

In the aftermath of the Apogee Solstice, Keyleth's mother waits at her bedside.

Reccer says: It's an amazing look at what the relationship might look like from Vilya's point of view

From My Rotting Body, Flowers Shall Grow by keyleth_clay (10972,Teen) Warnings: Major Character Death Pairings: Caduceus Clay & Keyleth, Keyleth & Essek Thelyss, Caduceus Clay & Essek Thelyss

Keyleth has spent many, many years visiting the Blooming Grove. This visit is so different from the rest. Primarily because her first and best friend from the Clay family is no longer there to share it with her.

Reccer says: Beautifully rendered lifespan angst, with flashbacks to their friendship over the years

Girls Gone Feywild by royalgreen (allyoop) (821,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Bells Hells & The Mighty Nein, Fearne Calloway & Jester Lavorre

Chaos faun meets chaos tiefling. Exandria will never be the same.

Reccer says: I liked it

This is one of our weekly communally-generated gen rec lists. Every week we announce a new theme and allow anyone to submit a fic recommendation. Please note that the summary and content notes are provided by the reccer, and may be different than what the author has provided. Please assume good intentions all around. <3

And hey, anyone includes you!

Next week, we're focusing it'll be Skill/Class Swap fics. Maybe Keyleth as a Barbarian? Orym as a druid? Laura Bailey's characters as the class that she originally wanted?

After that, it'll be Mourning and Grief, Fjord focused, and then backstory swaps!

Any fics coming to mind? Well, then use this form to submit!

Oh! Also! Critter Gen Week is happening! We've been using the themes for our reclist - so if you're inspired by what you're reading, consider writing (or making art) for that week!

[sovonight]

since it's come up a couple times, i thought i'd just make a post about it! here we go:

i keep seeing you talk about this xan guy, but who is he?

xan is a potential companion in baldur's gate, the first game in the baldur's gate series. in the vanilla game, he has basic voice lines that play in reaction to commands, other companions, and the locations you're in. in fact, all of his voice lines can be viewed in the "quotes" section on the wiki; that's the extent of the content he has.

wait, i thought he was a full-fledged companion with friendship and romance paths? also, isn't he in baldur's gate 2?

he is, but only with the use of mods!

BG1NPC adds xan's banter, commentary, and romance path to bg1 (alongside a lot of other things, take a look at the readme!)

Xan's friendship path adds xan's friendship path to bg1

Xan BG2 NPC adds xan to bg2, as well as 2 romance paths, a friendship path, and a new soundset

Alternate Xan Soundset for BG2 restores xan's bg1 soundset to him in bg2, because nothing beats the original

if you want to romance him, make sure to play as an elf, unless you're ready for a bit of heartbreak ;( non-elves can romance him for a bit in bg1, but at one point you'll be forced to break it off.

i'm interested in playing the series, but where should i start?

i've broken it down here!

do you have any other mod recs?

i still play with the original (non-ee) games, so a lot of my mods are just widescreen fixes & bug fixes that are already covered in the ee games. but one list i have on hand is glittergear's bg2 mod recs!

why don't you like xan in bg2?

spoilers ahead, but:

i don't agree with his characterization and the execution of his romance paths as a whole

his bonded bg2 romance is worse than his bg1 romance, and intimacy with him almost always involves sex now, when it didn't before

he's been made ridiculously old

he's out of character, and many of his reactions are just odd

i don't agree with his death, and here's more paragraphs why

bonded xan is too ready to serve goddess!charname, when based on past behavior i'd think he would have a firm stance against it

his player-initiated dialogue options are poorly thought out

he was altered to have proficiency in darts instead of slings. darts fucking suck, why would you do this to him

his behavior would hurt radri, a lot

the list goes on

why are you still drawing/writing about him in bg2, then?

i love xan and radri together, i can't just write him out of bg2

😔 i can fix him 😔

but you think xan in bg1 is perfect, right?

not totally, i've always felt like his romance was biased in favor of one personality type

he is SO ace-coded to me, but his author clearly had a different vision for him

there's more, but they're all minor nitpicks compared to my complaints about him in bg2

you've complained a lot about him, so what do you even like about xan??

he's just so ridiculous, in the best ways

he can be snippy and dramatic, but also so kind

i love his romance in bg1

i enjoy his habit of carrying charname for romantic gestures, even though radri is like 200 lbs with light armor, and he's, what, 130 lbs sopping wet? i know, he was probably written with an elven waif of a charname in mind, but it's almost sweeter to think of him going out of his way to make it happen

you keep mentioning radri, but who is she?

my gorion's ward, my bhaalspawn, my charname, my beloved protagonist

she's like the kicked puppy to xan's pathetic kitten

here's an introduction, but honestly, it's easier just to read about them

why do you like the series, but not baldur's gate 3?

baldur's gate 3 has next to nothing to do with the series and should've been named something else

i was disappointed by it when i did play it

there's a sexual overtone over the entirety of the game

i'm tired of romances that put sex first

it's impossible for me to relax and enjoy the game

again, it's a really horny game

i'm just way too ace for it

bg3 overtakes all search results when trying to search for information on bg1 (which, being titled baldur's gate, doesn't get the benefit of a number to set it apart from the other games). sure, filters exist, but that doesn't change the fact that an era of easy information retrieval is over

what do you think about the references to xan in baldur's gate 3?

i want to die

i would rather kill xan myself than let bg3 touch him

it's a small mercy that he wasn't cursed with an actual cameo

[aheathen-conceivably]

Josephine with a baby would be insane. I don’t have anything else to say; the dynamic between an uneasily pregnant Jo and a wishful and wistful Zelda, still waiting for lightning to strike HER again, would be so heartbreaking. I do think Jo could find new purpose with a child, especially in this life that’s so different from anything she imagined for herself, but it’s not a decision to be taken lightly or made on a whim. It would take a serious miscalculation (as if!) or some bizarre irregularity in her cycle……. Highly unlikely. 👀

Well hello hello, friend. Look at you, back in the inbox right on schedule. Grab a chair, why don’t we? It’ll be a long one….

Okay so FIRST of all this is why when you sent me that ask yesterday I was like, boy oh boy, do we have a psychological dive in store for you. Because y’all, there’s so damn much going on in that post. Why don’t we, uh, go back to an old tradition and follow a heathen under the cut while she rants about her pixels…

A plotline where Jo would be (even somewhat begrudgingly) pregnant while Zelda was the one who wanted the child would be too heartbreaking, even for me. While I think there’s potential there for support and mutual parenting (which they’re doing with Violette), at its core it would be gut wrenching for them both. I think we can really see why that is for Zelda, as she almost “illogically” wants a child more than she can describe. This is where the double entendre of Josephine talking in the mirror in today’s post comes in, because we can apply it to Zelda and the fact that there are VERY good reasons for her not to want another child. But there’s still something in her that is longing for one, and so to make her watch while it happens to her best friend would absolutely break her.

However, Jo is not aware of Zelda’s struggles at all. When she is speaking in the mirror, she is talking to herself. What we (and Gio) caught Jo in the middle of was sheer, unadulterated spiraling. If you go back to the last line of the corn post, you can see Jo setting herself up for this, insofar as she thinks that Zelda is happy because she has fully given herself over to this life, and that Josephine wants that; she just doesn’t now how.

Keep in mind Josephine is 32 at this point, and I think this is an age where there’s a moment for many people who can bear children, where you think “is that what I’m supposed to do?” or “will it make me happier?” even if you’ve decided that you don’t want children. While a small part of Jo is considering Gio in these thoughts, it is mostly self-pressure, with the influence of society and other women - being Zelda here, too. So when she’s listing these logical reasons why she shouldn’t have a child, she’s telling that to herself. She’s talking herself out of it, and as the end of the post hints at, it’s because she can get pregnant at that moment and she knows it.

But simultaneously her choice here shows that even while she is at her lowest (arguably even more than her depression because now, she’s giving it her all and it’s still not working), she will never choose to have children. You are not wrong in that it might give her life purpose, and that’s part of her thought process here too. She’s almost convinced herself that the act of bearing a child could give this pointless life she’s living meaning, and in doing so she could finally let go of her need for control and give in to her situation.

Like you said, there’s always the element of a mistake, but she tells Gio point blank “that she doesn’t make mistakes.” Of course all it takes is one, but this post is meant to show that she’s far too calculated and self possessed to give herself over not only to the intense emotions she’s experiencing at the beginning of the post, but also any sort of physical drive that might lead her to sleep with Gio when she knows not to.

She also very purposefully ends the post without ever giving in to him physically or emotionally. Even more, she’s still using selective vulnerability and sex to more or less manipulate him. Her balancing on the tip of her foot only to pull away is very indicative of this, insofar as she gives him just enough of herself without ever doing so completely. When she ultimately walks away with that little smirk on her face, its because she has truly talked herself off the ledge and reestablished some sense of self autonomy that she felt like she lost even in the act of considering a child. She’s realized that even in his world and for however much she has altered her life around his dreams and their situation, she still at least has that level of control over her own body and even his.

Y’all please just know I can write a whooooole ‘nother essay on the last paragraph so God help you if you made it through this one and imma shut up now…

[rathayibacter]

Let’s Talk Aftermarkets!

so Ostermad’s excellent magazine BXLLET CLIP is out now, and I wanted to talk a bit about my contribution! i wrote three modular tools called Aftermarkets, designed to amplify or fill gaps in the original game. BXLLET’s only ten pages long, so i definitely left a lot on the cutting room floor when making it. Aftermarkets felt like a fun way to recycle some of those concepts!

for those who dont know, BXLLET is a post-apocalyptic cowboy game about violence, and the role it plays in helping the world rebuild. players are wandering vagrants who grow stronger the more bullets they carry, and can always kill with a single shot. the game’s then not about *whether* you can kill someone, but what’ll happen if you do.

when I was writing the Aftermarkets, I wanted to make sure they each contributed something to that core idea, either pushing games towards engaging with those ideas or putting wrinkles in the way they usually play out.

first up, we’ve got Bullet Rations, a guide for GMs on how to distribute bullets. the number of bullets available in a game has a huge influence on its tone, with less bullets pushing a session towards a quieter, more calculating state, and more offering the potential for frenetic hyperviolence. however, the base game never offered a ton of support around this. i wanted to make a system that would be easy to incorporate and give some more overt guidance around this for people new to the system, but that’s still backgrounded enough to allow for weirder games with different philosophies around bullets than mine. my favorite part of this system is that, since it puts a cap on the number of bullets available in any given session, and that cap is shared between PCs and NPCs, players looking to consolidate power are naturally gonna become more and more distrustful of everyone around them.

second up, Running Beasts! my personal favorite. Beasts are dangerous and mysterious, and can range anywhere from “weird post-apoc set dressing” to “major existential threat.” this Aftermarket’s designed to give GMs and players some handholds when telling stories about Beasts, keeping them serious and dangerous while also fleshing out why they do what they do and (hopefully) building some sympathy. my favorite part here is how many new ways it gives players to resolve an encounter with a Beast besides “kill it to death,” and how some of those solutions can carry serious consequences.

and lastly, there’s Shooting First. i was anxious about writing this one cuz i dont want BXLLET to turn into a game of tactical combat, but having some sharp, simple rules for resolving face-offs that also carry with them some devastating consequences felt very in-line with the game. i love how there’s some really heartbreaking stories you can tell with this one, and i cant wait to play with it myself.

thanks for reading! check these all out in BXLLET CLIP, alongside a bunch of other phenomenal modules from different ttrpg creators, as well as a fun interview between Ellie and myself!

[chocolate-apple7]

Spoilers for YR3 episodes 1-5!

Ok so I got to the buffer in s3. As I predicted, I really love this season so far (and totally called that angsty music room scene being in episode 5). I'll probably give a full review after the 6th episode comes out on Monday but here are a few things for now:

2 side things I really wanted to see going into this season was Micke and finding out what was going on with Stella and Fredrika. Loved the dad storyline and so happy we got to see more of him (even though it was concluded at the end that he really was just a horrible person). That being said, what is going on with Stella and Fredrika?? I can't be the only one to notice the romantic tension there right?? Like come on Young Royals! Please I am really hoping the 6th episode gives some conclusion on that storyline! I'm kind of sick of these shows sidelining the sapphic characters and I hope they don't do that with these two.

Really hope that Felice and Sara get resolved! I loved their friendship in the first two seasons. I know that Felice was hurt, but Sara seems like she is actually really sorry and wants to at least be friendly with Felice again. I don't think things will go back to how they were but I really hope they can at least make peace with each other.

Simon is fading. You can tell he is just slowly losing himself and its heartbreaking. I really hope that he and Wilhelm have an open and honest talk in episode 6 and he can be more himself again. It breaks my heart that he's not enjoying singing as much, keeps getting attacked, and had to delete his social media profiles. I really do love him and Wilhelm together but they desperately need to communicate and be more themselves in the last episode without all of the added pressure

Ok, I loved Wilhelm's outburst at his parents and then the scene directly after with Simon. I said a few episodes ago that Young Royals will building up to an explosion. Well here was that explosion. And we will get to see the aftermath in its entirety next episode! I don't blame Wilhelm for being angry and I'm glad he got it all out when he did. Can't wait to see what happens next with that.

The whole Erik thing has been so interesting and horrible to learn this season. I have been waiting to learn more about Erik since season 1 and I feel like season 2 just glossed over him. Learning that he was a pretty horrible person and was potentially homophobic is devestating but it also gives him so much more character. It further proves that he was not perfect and this is something that the Queen and the Duke really need to wrap their heads around.

Last thought for now: I actually have no idea how this season will end. Like I'm torn on whether or not Wilhelm will abdicate. He seems like he wants to, but he also doesn't want August to be king. I also think that Wilhelm would actually be a great king if he could just have more of a say and more control. In the past I could always predict how the season was going to end at this point but I can not tell you for this season. It's so exciting and also very scary. I am 99.99% confident Wilmon will be endgame though. The writers would not do us dirty like that. It will either be implied that they will get back together in the future or we will very clearly see it in the next episode. I also don't really think that last scene in episode 5 was a breakup. It was more of an invitation to talk?? I have to remind myself that they were in the palace in the same room (on Wilhelm's birthday for that matter) and that would be a really weird place and time for Simon to just dump him. (Also side note but "Arcade" by Duncan Laurence was the perfect music choice for that scene and so fitting for them as a couple)

I have so many more thoughts about this show but I will likely do a fuller review when that last episode is out. These are just a few things going into the last episode that I wanted to highlight. I love this show so much and can not believe it is almost over. I am so thankful that we will see the conclusion that was always meant to happen and I'll see you all on the other side!

Happy to have any discussions about episodes 1-5 in the comments!

[lifeofkaze]

2023 - A Roundup

How fast the year has gone. I feel like it's been only yesterday that 2023 stepped on stage, and now, the curtain is falling on it already, with 2024 waiting in the wings.

It has grown quiet here this year. In the fandom, on my blog, on my online presence. There's multiple reasons for that - some personal, some life-related, some people-related, but with the prospect of a fresh new year on the horizon, all these things are either something I intend to embrace more fully or leave behind for good.

Looking at my history of 2021 and 2022, 2023 was the sparsest one on the writing front up to date, and here, too, are several very different reasons for this. I've written little this year, and published even less, and yet, I feel like I have grown more into myself as a writer than ever before. A lot of projects I had in the pipeline got scrapped, or converted, or pulled from public access to become a better version of themselves.

If you are interested in what has become of projects that I may have mentioned or worked on in the past, here's an itemised list of 30 years of what my future plans are (with major tbc because, have you ever even talked to me?)

HPHL era:

A Lifetime of Adventures - Selene's story What was meant to be an antology of several many stories is still an an antology but greatly reduced in both numbers, cast and things it covers. It will still span from Selene's first year at Hogwarts to her last, with an aimed at one story per year (which you fully know will not work, but hey). Parts of it are already written and published as independent shorts, others are unpublished and yes, it will still be happening. As for the parts detailing Selene's later life... that remains to be seen. There's a lot Selene has to tell but she and I need to sit and see if these stories are for me only, or if she wants to share them with the world.

Smoke and Mirrors - Caro's story With Brady going his own way in the Pendleton Tradition (you GO @kc-the-writer), Caro has decided that she can do what Brady can do because duh. Smoke and Mirrors is no longer a fanfic/fandom story but a very much unfinished rough draft that will probably turn out to be an original novella set in modern day NYC about a young med student and the pressure of expectations and self-imposed perfectionism. I wonder where I've heard that before.

Henry's story Despite being my resident book-character, Henry never asked me of a story of his own. Everything I still have in store for him revolves around either Selene or Caitlin and if he lets me into his head (which has always been an incredible but rare thing) it would be as unrelated shorts. In all honesty, I don't think it's likely that they will come into existence outside of my drafts, though.

Caitlin's story There is a potential novella about Caitlin's way to become a healer in my head which is too bittersweet for me to let go of just yet because not only would it give her some room to shine but also gives closure to two other characters very dear to me (and honestly, reading the draft makes me choke up, so there's that). I would prefer this as an original novella, but seeing as some of it would lose impact without the knowing the characters involved... I'm not quite sure what to do with it yet.

HPHM era:

A Source of Balance My baby, my joy, essence of my sleepless nights (and not in a good way). The third part of the Balance series is 100 % going to happen and 100 % happening on this blog. Apart from details I will figure out as I go, the whole story is planned in my usual over-planning style and I'm honestly just waiting for brainspace to clear up and the blank page to become less scary. It may take a while to get the complexity of it right but... watch this space.

Larger than Life My other baby, my heartbreak, my... yeah. Larger than Life has always been different, Ava has always been different, this whole project has been... different. Because of various issues, I've decided to remove this project from my fandom rota for good. It will still happen, my heart is too firmly set on it, but it will be as an original project over on @kaze-writes and will be a sweet while until I'm able to sort out the problems that comes from uprooting it. But all in all, I am very much happy with the decision I've finally come to with this.

When Stars Ignite When Stars Ignite has been removed from all my writing platforms as it is still under re-construction, and probably will be for another sweet while. This story has fully left any fandom connections behind and has turned into my (and @alyslaskeywriter) first full-length novel (mine, that is, Alys is miles head of me with her incredible book The Chief, which you really should check out bc oh my). My lose intention is to maybe query it for publishing at some point in the future, so I wouldn't hold my breath for its return to online spaces.

HPMA era:

New Horizons - Reva's story Reva's rise and fall from grace and her journey to herself has never really been a fandom thing and will become an original novel once I figure out how to research faraway travel destinations without drowning in wanderlust. It may take a while.

A Bright Future - Dana's and Dylan's story The story of Dylan and Dana is still up for debate in my head. There's days when I want to continue with this as a fandom project as intended, and there's others when an original friends-to-lovers romcom is begging me to have my way with it. The outcome remains to be seen.

Shorts:

All shorts directly associated with stories that have moved to the original side of my writing will follow suit. Everything else I have written or drafted up will remain here, or be posted on my original blog and reblogged to here in case there wouldn't have been a difference anyway.

Original:

All original works you have heard me speak about (namely, Lemons, Icarus, Memento Mori and That Fantasy Thing That Is Going To Drive Me Insane Before Long are still all in development and not yet ready to be written. But we're getting there. Somehow.

So, if any of the stories you have been waiting for or thought I had promised but forgotten them isn't on that list, do feel free to ask! I love talking to people and I've not been good at it this year. I miss the creative core of this community, and getting to see other people's projects unfold and grow from idea to reality. If you want creative exchange, I beg you, this is always a place for it.

In that regards, my favourite peeps, I wish you a very happy end to 2023 and a creative, peaceful and - naturally - balanced start into 2024.

Here's to you. Here's to all of us.

Keep writing 💛

xx Kaze

[planet-crait]

A Date To Remember is Next! I’d by lying if I said I wasn’t hoping to get more Dev stuff lolz. Oh no no Dev it looks like it’s a Valentine’s Day show.

Cosmo you are so cute! I love how comfortable he is wearing the princess outfit and I have to say he looks adorable in it.

Aww it’s Hazels parents anniversary and she’s putting on a show for them that is so adorable. Hazel you’re so cute, I hope your parents appreciate how precious you are. Aww Cosmo and Wanda are dancing as well. I’m surprised they didn’t take this opportunity to introduce another Chip Skylark song. It feels like a wasted opportunity. The again Disney refuses to let Powerline have any other songs so this is a common issue it seems. As far as I can remember both Chip and Powerline only have two songs, (My Shiny Teeth and Me and Icky Vicky for Chip and Stand Out and I2I for Powerline (yes that’s how it’s spelled on the official soundtrack) it means nothing besides it’s amusing for me. I kind of want to do a poll of all the Childhood media pop stars and see who is everyone’s favorite that could be fun.

Back to the episode. Wait why aren’t they questioning the lights and fireworks or how a ten year old did that? Maybe they’re just lost in how adorable Hazel is sure. Also I just noticed the masks are Cosmo and Wanda on the stage that is a very cute detail.

Huh they are very chill about not being able to do an anniversary together. It’s healthy to recognize schedules can get crazy and it can’t happen but with how much Hazels mom works I worry it could eventually become a problem. Obviously skipping one anniversary isn’t an issue but if they just stop all together going out that’s potentially a problem.

It is funny Hazel is way more worried about it than they are. Aww Cosmo and Wanda are so cute together I love them so much. HAZEL NOT THE WORD WISH!!!! HAZEL BAD IDEA!!! Cosmo and Wanda you need to be more careful about these wishes. Hazel, trust your gut. Trust it. Also Cosmo, so many wishes have gone very badly. Very very badly. No Hazel no don’t watch them. Yep this went wrong.

Hazel Hazel don’t bring Cupid in this is not smart COSMO AND WANDA WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER THIS AND NOT THAT ITS A BAD IDEA GUYS.

Side note. How does fairy aging work? Cupid and Jorgan look way older but Cosmo and Wanda don’t. We know they went on a ten thousand year vacation uh somehow so they would realistically age some right? But they haven’t while other have and I’m just very confused on this.

Sorry I keep getting distracted tonight. Uhh Cupid? This is evil. What happens to Hazel if her parents don’t fall in love???? ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO ORPHAN A CHILD??? Really???!!!??

But for real does Cupid pair up literally every couple in existence? Does he only decide who falls in love does no one ever fall in love by chance? The logistics are confusing.

Lolz bad lie Hazel but your dad is enough of a nerd for paranormal stuff he rolls with it which uh is a good thing for Hazel lolz.

That’s not a very good painting lolz but at least she’s into it. Good thing Hazel has her dad on her side lolz. Lolz and Cosmo and Wanda helping is helping a lot lolz.

Cosmo is that cheating lolz. Maybe but uh Cupid has an unfair advantage. How do the points work? How do you quantify falling in love with someone? How does Brewster go from like 93 points to 339 points? Thats an unrealistic jump. Wait seriously what happens to Hazel? Does she just cease to exist????

Wait giving her the honor? What the fuck dude? Thats not romantic at all. Even if Marcus didn’t break out the goofy moves I would hope she wouldn’t date him.

I love that she loves his goofy personality. Lolz a mirror makes him get over his heartbreak? Yeah he’s so self absorbed. Cupid you’re so annoying. But there is truth in people too alike would drive each other crazy. But seriously Cupid what was the plan with Hazel? I’m worried about that.

They think it’s a puppet show? I mean. Sure why not. Magic whatever lolz.

Overall it was a cute episode. I did get a glimpse of the next episode and it’s Lost in Fairyworld and I know Dev is back and I am so excited!!!!

[waitmyturtles]

Quick notes on two shows that (holy shit, I did it!) I ACTUALLY FINISHED on this crazy trip I’ve been on.

1) A Shoulder to Cry On: I think the wonderful ​@bengiyo‘s stray thoughts post on this show captured exactly my thoughts -- your analytical thought of “[i]t’s the promise of a compelling drama” is spot on. I think the pace of the story undermined what could have been some really great emotional connection. And the avoidance of intimacy also confused me. I’m just gonna guess that because of the status of the two actors as Omega X idols, that many risks could not have been taken, but if risks HAD been taken, the story would have been far more seamless. I just wanted a bit more richness in emotion. At least this helped shine a light on the issues that Omega X faced, and I’m glad to see this group re-group.

2) Our Dating Sim: Speaking of emotional richness....

Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow. Wow. I didn’t write much about this show leading up to my trip -- I just leaned in on enjoying the feels.

BUT. WOW. Episode 7! Gi Tae’s feelings of abandonment and fear! How they came through in his emotional outburst to Wan!

Geez. I loved how we were kind of led on in the first episode by Wan’s fear. We assumed Gi Tae wasn’t interested in Wan. We assumed Gi Tae had the POWER of being a potential LEAD over Wan. We didn’t know Wan needed to enlist that next day after the first rooftop kiss. Wan thought that Gi Tae had pulled back.

There was a lot there in that first episode that SET US UP (or, at least, set ME up) to think that it was Wan in the weak spot, with Gi Tae having the power to say yes or no to a connection.

And then, the pursuit by Gi Tae throughout the series. The confessions, the connections. Wan seemed a little speed-blinded by it all -- how could all of this be happening? It’s happening fast. We might be wondering about Gi Tae’s sincerity throughout episode 5 since he’s coming on so hard, and Wan is avoiding it all.

We see a glimmer of heartbroken emotion by Gi Tae at the end of episode 4 -- and then the full admission of anxiety and heartbreak in episode 7.

THIS SHOW HAD BALANCE. Wow, it teased us! I couldn’t really put a finger on how it moved SO fast for Wan, and what Gi Tae’s real intentions were, and if he was sincere. I think Wan wondered that too, and Wan was played SO WELL under this curtain of confusion. His hesitation was so beautiful.

AND THEN EPISODE 7! HE HAD TO HOLD GI TAE TO COMFORT GI TAE! Wan -- Wan had to take the emotional lead to soothe Gi Tae and reassure him that the past wouldn’t repeat itself. Episode 7 BEGAN with Gi Tae fearful that the old anxiety was going to return.

Gi Tae seemed SO confident and self-assured throughout the series -- EXCEPT at the end of episode 4 and during episode 7. But those two emotional windows were PERFECT to help us understand, in this short series, what Gi Tae had been going through this whole time.

And then -- it was on WAN to comfort Gi Tae, and to make a decision to STAY with Gi Tae, and he SHOWED UP and he made that decision. And then that decision led to an even better work outcome for Re:Try.

Come awn! THIS SHOW WAS GREAT! I TOTALLY didn’t expect to LOVE this show as much as I did at the end. And I love to see the love for the two actors on social media, because they did fabulously.

I’m gonna miss this show! I hope Korea can repeat itself. I’m seeing such great things about The Eighth Sense -- I can’t wait to get back into my regular swing of things and check out more Korean BLs and how they’re improving over time.

[rachelanne2018writes]

Vignettes of Love: Echos of the Past

SPOILERS: Season 13, Episode 4 (You've been warned!) :)

TW: Incurable Illness, Fear of Said Illness.

This was born out of me thinking that surely Patrick would be concerned that Shelagh's TB could reactivate from its latent stage if an epidemic of TB began in the Burrow.

You'll have to let me know your thoughts- especially of my "Mature Jenny" ending. :)

Final Warning! This Chapter contains Spoilers for Season 13, Episode 4 of Call The Midwife. It ALSO contains triggers for Incurable Illness and Fear of said Illness.

Mycobacterium Tuberculosis 

Two words Patrick Turner hoped were on their way out of the catalog of potential diagnoses. A decade prior when he’d diagnosed Shelagh, or Sister Bernadette of the Order of Saint Raymond Nonnatus as she was then known, with Tuberculosis it was such an unfortunately common illness that sanatoriums and the triple treatment were well known amongst the communities it ravaged. 

Now, in 1979 a relatively new testing process and vaccination for Tuberculosis was making its way through neighborhoods as the National Health Service provided funding and supplies to, hopefully, make TB an illness of the past- just as Jonas Salk’s polio vaccination largely eradicated the polio that made his own son Timothy so sick at the end of 1958. 

Yet here he was- diagnosing not one singular patient, but a whole family with small children with the blasted disease. It was heartbreaking, especially with the father succumbing to the illness so shortly after diagnosis. 

Suddenly, his mind turned back to Shelagh. It had been over 15 years since her last post-treatment appointment- as the standard was set at 5 years of active monitoring from the time of triple treatment completion. 

While active the disease had ravaged her body, including the pelvic organs, but what if her immune system was minutes away from failure? 

Would the disease reactivate and threaten Shelagh’s life again? 

Would the TB that she successfully fought off 20 years prior be the cause of an untimely demise? 

Patrick needed to see her. He needed to know that his wife, his beloved Shelagh, was safe. He also needed to find a way to tell her that TB was back in the burrow. But how would he tell her without worrying the children?  Sure, Timothy could handle the situation as not only was he training to be a doctor like Patrick himself, but he’d been through Shelagh’s initial infection from a distance. But Angela, May, and Teddy were not even born during that time. 

How would they tell Angela, May, and Teddy what was going on? 

How would they as a family handle the potential treatment?

What would Shelagh’s treatment look like?

Would Shelagh need to go back though the full Triple Treatment?

Would the hospital allow Shelagh to have visitors?

There were too many questions, and too many hours of work to go that day to spend energy on worrying about the potential answers.

It was late that night when Patrick arrived home, thankfully to Shelagh waiting up for him as she often did, and the children (including Timothy) sound asleep in their beds. 

“Patrick, you look as though you’ve had a horrid day” Shelagh’s sleepy voice, heavily laced with a Scottish accent- which often happened when she was tired.

For a moment alll he could do was nod. The image of the Chidozi family, with Felix laying dead on the floor surrounded by his wife and children. 

“Shelagh, Tuberculosis- it’s back in the Burrow”

“Oh Patrick, surely it’s just one small instance”

“It might be, but that poor family has to deal with the loss of their husband and father.”

“A Family, I take it.”

“Yes, a brand new Poplar family with four small children. It’s a wonder that the eldest two were in the TB Screening and Vaccination Scheme.”

“It’s a relief to know that because they were involved in such a vital programme. Besides, there are four children with bright futures, and their father will surely watch over them.”

Patrick Turner couldn’t hold in his fears any longer. 

“Shelagh, I worry about you. What happens if TB is widespread again. You’re at risk of the disease reactivating. What if we don’t know and…” he wasn’t sure he wanted to finish that thought.

“Oh Patrick, we take every precaution we can- including all of the recommended and required screenings and vaccinations to protect my health from a relapse of TB. Besides, although it is a formidable foe, we have more screening and treatment tools and techniques than x-ray vans and triple treatment courses in the isolated country sanatoriums.”

“Shelagh,”

“It’s alright Patrick, we- alongside Nonnatus House are providing a robust educational program to all of our patients on TB. But no matter what, we will get through this together.

“Just like we always do.” They said together.

Despite the best efforts of the National Health Service, and the rapid advancements in medicine, the challenges, in Poplar and in life were inevitable. But just as hope prevails in dark and desolate times, it prevailed then- alongside the determination of the community who challenged the darkness together.

[ncisfranchise-source]

NCIS castmember Rocky Carroll did tell us that by the end of this season’s finale, Director Vance would get an answer from Special Agent Jessica Knight regarding the career opportunity he laid before her — to be the REACT team’s chief training officer.

We just kinda thought/assumed Jess would stay put, choosing heart over career.

Instead, in the wake of surviving a harrowing ordeal with Special Agent Alden Parker (and getting a bit of advice along the way), Knight told Vance, “Hell yeah,” she will take the sweet gig across the country at Camp Pendleton. “Let’s do it!” (Read full finale recap.)

But is Knight’s portrayer, Katrina Law, thus leaving the show she has called home since the end of Season 18?

“Well, we set something up there…,” NCIS co-showrunner Steven D. Binder tells TVLine. “And I will point you to our track record where you just never know. We’ve had people look like they were going away and then it turned out they weren’t, and then we had people who just disappeared, like Gibbs.

“So I will say this: We do aim to please,” Binder adds, “and we think the audience will be satisfied with where they see this go.”

TVLine also hopped on the phone with Law to break down Jessica’s heartbreaking decision, and what it means for her NCIS future.

TVLINE | I just finished the finale. What did I just see?! KATRINA LAW | Oh my gosh, so much happened in the finale. It hit emotions on so many levels, with so many different characters….

TVLINE | Just prior to Jess giving Vance her “Hell yeah” answer, she said to Jimmy that she thought he “had a point.” What exact point of his from their earlier conversation was she conceding? Backing up a bit, I think that ever since Jessica’s dad showed up, it’s kind of put Jimmy and Knight into a bit of a whirlwind. It’s made them look at the future in longer terms that they originally had planned. All of the sudden, I think a lot of Jimmy’s demons are rearing their ugly heads, with all the people he’s lost in his life, and I think he went into panic mode and and self preservation mode in order to make sure his heart isn’t broken by Jessica also leaving him. Whereas for Jessica Knight, she is asking herself through her dad, “Have I settled? Have I sat back on my heels? Am I living up to my full potential?” And I think that [Jessica and Jimmy] may also be questioning, “Are we each other’s rebounds of a sort?”

I think that at the end, Jessica has to take this position because she knows deep down this is what she wants. She wants a career, she’s very ambitious, and to her a long-distance relationship isn’t the end of things. At the same time, maybe it is, if it doesn’t work out. She has to go forward and see where these things lead, she can’t settle into something she knows will ultimately maker her angry and have regrets. And I think Jimmy’s in the same place — he had a chance to basically say, “Please don’t take this job” and he didn’t. He instinctively knows that Knight needs to go do this, and then they can see where they are after.

TVLINE | So the point of his that she’s conceding is a combo of him saying it’s “for the best” that she takes the job, and how she’s always had this “plan” to follow. But also, one of the things we tried to build into the backstory leading up to this episode is this outburst from Jimmy and this tension with Knight didn’t just come on in this episode, it didn’t come up with this job happening. This has been building since her father showed up and said, “I thought your future was this?” And Jimmy is thinking, “Well, it’s only a matter of time before you leave anyway, so I’m going to push you out the door, so I don’t have to sit here waiting for it to happen.” And I think Jess has taken a moment to go, “You know what? I think we both have some things to work out on our own. You have some issues to sort out.” Jessica is thinking, “I did take my foot off the gas pedal when I lost my REACT team, so maybe it’s time to reapply the gas.” As much as she loves Jimmy, she knows she can never fulfill that part of the relationship if she herself isn’t a whole person.

TVLINE | The direction of that closing scene threw me and probably others, because we saw Jess clock Parker… then Nick and Tim and Kasie… and then she gave a last look at Jimmy. You had to be thinking she’ll decide to keep the team intact. But she does the opposite. Life-and-death decisions really make you take a good, hard look at your life and what you want, and I think that’s kind of the conversation that she and Parker were having when they were trapped in the ship. Parker was going, “You can’t have these regrets, you can’t live out of fear.” His basic thing was, “Go forward, be yourself. Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn’t, but you can’t sit if all of your instincts are saying to go forward.”

TVLINE | Did you know this “Hell yeah” answer was coming before you sat down with the script, or did you discover it as you turned the last page? I kind of knew it was coming. The biggest part of the “Hell yeah” decision for me, when I sat down with Jose Hernandez the director and also Scott Williams the writer, was, “At what point does Knight decide that she is going to take this job ?” And I think it goes all the way up to the very end, when she sits next to Parker right before she leaves his hospital room. That’s the moment she makes the decision, when she sees this man with him she just went to hell and back. That had a real impact on her.

TVLINE | So what’s your official answer when I ask, “Will you be back for Season 22?” Hmmm…. Better tune in for that season opener! [Laughs, heartily]

TVLINE | That was some fantastic work between you and Gary Cole in those ship scenes. What was it like sharing such an intense two-hander with him? Working in such an intimate setting with Gary Cole, you see why he has the longevity in this career that he has, and why he is the lead of a show, and why he’s a fan favorite. He is amazing. He knocked that ball so hard out of the park that I literally went, “I have to step up my game because I’m about to get left behind.”

That said, it was also one of the easiest acting scenes that I’ve ever had to do because he was so present and so in the moment, that I just had to look at him to react. He’s brilliant, he’s grounded, and so supportive…. It was a dream. It was a dream.

[meatriarchived]

sometimes i think about how things were in the weeks that maria first went missing, but back home - not her while she's under johnny's thumb but rather how her mother and ana and other family took her going missing.

the dread that settles in when you get a knock on the door and its a pair of detectives / officers who've come to tell you that they've found your childs' car abandoned off in the middle of nowhere, with most of her things still inside but zero trace of her. how it looks like its been sitting out there, seemingly for just shy of how long it had been since they last got a call from her letting them know where she was, that she was alright. how the worry over the weeks from not hearing from her turns into horror and fear and panic and grief at all those what happened scenarios flooding the mind - of peoples speculations being voiced crassly in front of them.

how desperate ana must have been for literally any trace to come forward about maria, that she took it upon herself to track down where her friends from uni were probably in hopes initially that maybe they'd heard from or seen her at all. and then to let them know that the searches aren't going well, that theyve heard whispers that they're planning to simply stop them altogether. the anger she must feel that her sister isnt being cared for as a person, just another file some badged man can toss into a file cabinet and forget about.

and then i think about the broadcasts. of the pleads from maria's family to continue looking for her, to come forward with literally anything at that point. how their mother probably could barely sputter out any words, but ana takes over and so clearly begs and demands that her sister not be forgotten, that they keep the searches for her going, that she isn't just a number or a piece of paper she's a living breathing person who deserves so much more than to be shelved and scoffed at. how ana probably said things along the lines of "we aren't giving up on you, we will find you - we are going to keep looking for you we are never going to stop, even if it takes months, even if it takes years, we will find and bring you home".

how hard of a hit on their mothers' health all the stress probably took, ana having to juggle trying so desperately to find maria while also trying to be reassuring and positive with their mother to keep her hopeful, keep her healthy.

how their father showed up after word of her going missing reached him, guilt-ridden and angry but just wanting to help in any way he could.

how danny grabbed all his things and returned to town the moment he was updated from being down by the coastlines for his trade school. how he left within the hour and drove cross-state to get there and help however he could. his anger and frustration so evident on him, fighting with it to try and stay a pillar for ana and mrs flores given his long-term friendship with maria and her family.

just. all of the absolute chaos of those weeks, the floating in nothingness, waiting by phones for it to ring with really any news at all. the friends getting together to scour over all the recent places they all knew or could speculate she may have gone to and traveling so aimlessly to every single one of them - looking for literally any kind of scraps they could possibly find.

the hopeless feeling after so many of them turned up with nothing.

and then tie all of this up with the idea that local sheriffs / police depts are covering things up - hiding or destroying evidence, silencing any potential witness, doing everything in their power to not let anything get out because they already know whose involved, and theyre already bent at the knee in submission to these people out in the middle of nowhere with scrawling acres upon acres of property.

its just all heartbreaking to me.