#also PLEASE add on for scary levels i am Not a good judge

[transarchivist]

What is Eskew about? Like what's the plot/premise? I everything I can find is just talking about themes or ideas or metaphors I can't find anything about the actual podcast story.

Follow-up: is Eskew scary? On a scale of 1(the TMA episode with the oblivious plumber) to 10(whatever episode you find scariest idk I'm a baby I cried while listening to Angler Fish)

Right! Eskew time :D

Plot/premise wise, Eskew mainly follows David Ward as he chronicles the strange stuff that happens in the city, Eskew. You could make Nightvale comparisons, but Eskew is a thousand times more sinister. David is usually a direct participant/target of the weird stuff, so it's much more... gripping? than wtnv's (or tma's statements) passive recountments. It's a much more fluid (?) narrative than say tma or wtnv, as the characters don't really have a "home base" and are continuously moving thru the narrative. (Don't mean any shade to tma or wtnv, sorry if my wording seemed that way!) Additionally, there's a second narrator in Riyo Duale, who is basically a private investigator! (Love her. She's amazing.)

As for how scary.... I've seen people say it's scarier than tma on average? It's a bit difficult to compare the two, as the framing of each is very different (other people's past scary encounters versus Being A Part Of Scary Encounter). Eskew is definetly horror and definetly scary, but I will say that it balances horror and humor with David's narration. Dude's wild. In one ep he laments and waxes sad and creepy poetry for a full minute, and then says "As you can probably guess from my tone, I've started dating again."

That paragraph got away from me a bit. Anyways, I am not the best at judging how scary things are (as jump scares are really the only things that Get Me), so if anyone has anything to add, please do!

Summary: One of those podcasts about a dude in a town, but this ones legit terrifying. Honestly the best imagery I've ever heard in a podcast. Scary but also David's narration is stellar. The ending is amazing and emotionally satisfying. You might cry. One of those shows that you listen to and feel like a different person afterwards.

(Anyone is free to add on, esp abt how scary it is!)

[crimeronan]

do you have any henry headcanons in terms of small mannerisms and tendencies? i love him dearly and he’s also the only poc given any level of depth as a character until cdth, but his character seems very unexplored by a lot of trc readers, especially independent from blue and gansey (however they are poly and extremely good)

me, as a poc is just: recognizes how badly maggie handles race but really loves henry and the conversation he brings around identity and speaking and being known. independent from that thought, i adore the soulmate-verse the amount of time and energy and nuance u put into it, my god. <3

oh henryyyy i love him. also i think he has a ton of depth that could be more explored by the canon and the fandom alike - i’d love to see him get to have a lot of the messy highs and lows that the other characters get, emotionally speaking. make mistakes henry i love u

i don’t know how good i am at small mannerism headcanons but! i can give u a variety of thoughts i’ve had about him

one big one is that he’s an Extremely good judge of character in terms of interpreting what drives people and what people are afraid of. but he’s less good at interpreting people’s Intentions - ie: whether they’re garbage or not

that’s why he finds adam so scary, bc adam is driven and ambitious and will get his own no matter what, but henry can’t tell what he Values.  that’s why it takes henry so long to decide that gansey is worth pursuing, even tho he intuits gansey’s fears so easily. that’s why he gets attached to blue fastest of anyone in the gangsey, because she is so upfront about her own motivations/desires

other thoughts...... he’s constantly warily assessing social situations - much the same way gansey does, except the stakes are higher, because he’s been raised to look for Black Market Kidnapper Potential In Fucking Everything

he’s great at recognizing magic and the uncanny for the same reasons

he positions himself as a Group Leader, especially in litchfield house, but his actual interests lie much more in behind-the-scenes work. like gansey, there is Public Henry and Private Henry, and Private Henry tends to be much more effective in his work than Public Henry

he and adam could burn the world down with their combined Scheming Power if they ever teamed up

he ALSO positions himself as the Person Who’s Healed From Trauma and/or Person Who Understands Mental Health, which is all well and good except for its potential to bite him in the ass when he’s actually struggling with trauma triggers. you do not always need to be the team therapist, henry! it is ok!

he has a fiercely protective streak toward children who are exposed to black market bullshit. for Obvious Reasons. when he took gansey into the murder hole i think he wanted to know what the fuck the gangsey had done with opal

he IS very into glam and fashion and camp but he also like. uses this as an extremely conscious cover to make sure people underestimate him

henry cheng would always rather be underestimated and have an advantage than the other way around

also! i would be remiss not to tag my gf @kiseiakhun, who is asian-canadian and Deeply identifies with henry. please feel free 2 add on with ur Experiences

[whoistheasshole]

How do I get out of this unsatisfying life I’m living?

Anonymous asks: So the thing is that I feel incredibly stuck - I have all the basics of life which I'm grateful for but also that was my BIG dream as a kid, to get tf out of my parents' house - but now I have that and idk what to do for the rest of my life. Like, if I try those "visualize your future" things I'm just like, "I'd like to sleep for a month, maybe longer" & it feels like I don't really WANT anything so I can't plan, you know? Just flailing here honestly. Pretty tired of it.

I wrote back: I got your question. To pinpoint my answer a little better, can you tell me about your current situation, like how long has it been since you moved out? Which are the things you have in order to your satisfaction? Some vague idea of your age range would also be helpful, but I can work without it too if you’d rather not share.

Anonymous answered: Ah, sorry. I was trying to fit in the character limit & also whenever I think about this my mind just goes flbbbbth. It's been about 5 years? That's about the only thing I'm truly HAPPY about, I'm not thrilled with my social/love life, career, etc & have pretty much been just coasting tbh. I'm almost 30. Thanks for entertaining this.

Alright, thanks for adding some background. I will come at this from different angles and you can pretty much pick and choose what sounds helpful and leave the rest, okay?

First, while there are people who have it all figured out, methodically planning their next career step or fully certain that there is no greater joy than raising a child, there are tons of other people who just, to quote, go „ flbbbbth“ when asked about their next steps or, god forbid, their life plan. I would say I fall in the latter camp, but I don’t mind because I think there is nothing wrong with that. I let myself be guided by the things I need to be happy (more on that later) and by current necessities – if my job becomes shit, I need to find a new job. If a friendship goes sour, I need to end it respectfully. But I couldn’t tell you specific career or personal goals, except...

... let’s talk about the „later“ now.

I’m an organizer, maybe even a worrier, and therefore I like lists. And for that reason I made a list a while ago that I still have and expect to keep for a long time. It is a list of everything that I need to be satisfied with my life. It consists of 29 entries and has three of them checked, though several others could be counted as half-checked. I wrote down everything that came to mind, paying no attention whether it was reasonable or feasible to want. That wasn’t the question.

It covers stuff like a clean flat (not checked), restful sleep (not checked), friends that I see regularly (checked) or a job with purpose (not checked). This list is my guide. Well, generally my needs are my guide, but it can be hard to be aware of your needs sometimes, so I got this list. And if I wonder what I need or want to focus on, I can turn to it and choose one of the entries and see what I can do about it. I can also look over the list every few years and see if things have developed in the right direction. Little progress is no reason to chastise myself, but helpful information to see whether I need to re-direct my focus.

Please note that I wrote „satisfied“, not „happy“. Being happy is a passing emotional state. It is completely normal and okay not to be happy all the time. But quiet satisfaction with where you are or where you are going, that is pretty achievable. It certainly is a process, but an enjoyable one.

This list is not a race and it is not really a to-do list because most of the things I wrote down aren’t easy to accomplish with a single action. They take months and years and, for some items, I can only try and hope it works out some day (see anybody who ever purposely looked for a partner).

So maybe this kind of list could be an exercise for you. Maybe it provides you with some insight, maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it’s not the right point in your life. But if you sit down and the only thing you can come up with is „cry forever“ or „sleep forever“ then, you know, that’s a sign.

Which brings me to my next point: Journaling or automatic writing. This method is especially helpful for those „I feel some kind of way and I couldn’t even tell you how“ moments – so maybe exactly where you are right now. Captain Akward has introduced me to a website called „750 words“ and I’ve used the principle of „morning pages“, though not the website, since then whenever I felt like some emotions were starting to boil over.

I sit down, ideally in the morning, and just barf it all on the (digital) page. There are only two rules: 1) Don’t edit or judge yourself, write everything as it comes to mind (that’s the automatic writing part) and 2) Don’t stop before you’ve reached 750 words. You are not looking to write anything readable or clever or lyrical, you’re looking to get all the weirdness out so you can move on. Repeat this as many days as you feel queasy or weird or confused or angry or sad. Each day, as soon as you’ve reached the 750 words, you can walk away. Heck, you could even delete/burn the document if that feels right. It’s just about giving your thoughts the room they need so you can continue with your day, hopefully feeling somewhat relieved.

While we’re at writing, I also have a question for you: Where is the pressure coming from to „do something with your life“? Is it truly coming from inside you or are there outside factors? Are people in your life asking you when you’ll have kids? Do you live in a culture where it’s expected that everybody does something of note, works certain prestigious jobs? Do you compare yourself to the people around you and feel like you’re „late“?

Maybe mull this over on a leisurely walk or write about it, using the method above. No matter where it’s coming from, the feeling of pressure won’t go away just by knowing its origin, but the knowledge can help you keep it under control. And if you find it is truly your own wish, you will have tools to shape your life according to your needs.

So, next, sleep: Maybe do that?

You wrote "I'd like to sleep for a month, maybe longer". I understand this was half a joke, but also … it was probably more than a joke.

How are your energy levels? How does life feel? Are you trying to jog through jello most of these days?

If we’ve been overachievers or had a tough home life or needed to take care of ourselves pretty early, we can become accustomed to everything being difficult. This feeling and behavior can become a way of life, even when circumstances change and we have a chance to act differently.

Do you feel rested? Do you have regular moments of quiet in your life that let you breathe? If not, this is where I would start. Forget about lists, though morning pages might be a helpful accompanying tool (if they don’t become a task to punish yourself with if you don’t find the energy).

Take some weeks or months, maybe even a year to make rest your priority. You will have to find a way that works for you. Yes there is a lot of clinically proven stuff out there, but you will not see me do yoga or meditate. Though feel free if that’s up your alley. If you love cycling or taking photos or drawing or just plain lying on your bed and staring at the wall, see where you can add more of that to your day. Whatever brings you closer to yourself and makes you feel like you can exhale and stand still for a moment, that’s the way to go. Do this as long as sleeping seems like a fine choice. And for good measure maybe a month longer. You are ready to stop when you cannot wait to do something else goddamnit I’m bored!!! (you might say)

If you are in this picture, please start here. Any kind of life plan, next steps, strategizing, solving of riddles would set you back and perpetuate your exhaustion. Rest is not time wasted, rest is how you get your life back.

If you are in this picture, you will likely find that if you really pull through, if you truly rest, as long and boring or even scary as it may be, the other questions will probably have an intuitive answer afterwards. Not like „this is my 20-year career plan“, but „I feel like doing x this week“. And that is enough. Because you won’t need to strain to hear your needs through the fog of exhaustion anymore.

Finally, some practical information and links for when you do have the energy and inclination to tackle your job and social life. I am not saying you need to change anything if that’s not what you want to focus on. These are just some tips, in case they become relevant.

For your social life, I recommend what others have recommended before me: Pick an activity that you do with other people and stick with it long enough to become a familiar face, see also here and here (yes, meeting gay people is similar to meeting other people). If you try out new stuff, go there at least 5 or 6 times before you decide it’s not for you – of course assuming nothing bad is coming up like racist or abusive people in the group. Shop around if the first group/activity doesn’t work for you until you find something that you’d like to do permanently. Maybe you’ll gain some friends, maybe you’ll find a romantic opportunity. In any case, if it’s something fun that you like to do anyway, you will have found an outlet with a social group attached. It is absolutely not as easy right now, with Covid and all, but if nothing outdoors-y comes to mind, you could also use this time to brainstorm what sounds like fun for when things are safer again.

Of course you can also look at opportunities online, like Discord servers, online interest groups etc but I do understand if that’s just not appealing right now. I am certainly over sitting in front of a screen.

To round this up, don’t sneeze at contacts that you already have. Are there acquaintances, friends of friends, colleagues, family members who you would like to get to know better? Then go do that! Suggest a time and place to meet up and see how they react. Say yes to the potential friends.

Speaking of which...

The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes might also be interesting. Sure, it’s a little pop culture positive thinking kinda stuff, but I did like the impulse it gave me to consider when I say no to opportunities out of anxiety or worry. It made me accept some social invitations from colleagues (… in the before times) that I would not have otherwise considered. I did not gain life-long friends, but I did learn another valuable info: That my FOMO wasn’t justified for these events ;)

It also lead me to the decision to do one new thing every month – visit a new place or try a new activity or cook a new food. If the concept sounds appealing, just think about what sounds interesting and achievable to you.

And finally, the advice blog recommendations that I’ll always have. For social life, love life, and general life planning turmoil: Captain Awkward. For everything job-related, including how to write a good cover letter or interview well and, of course, how to get out of the dreaded current job you have: Ask A Manager.

To sum it up:

1) Figure out if you even have the energy to tackle any of this right now.

2) Figure out your pillars for a satisfying life – nothing big and shiny, just … basic needs, wishes, social needs.

3) When you feel like it, pick what you want to tackle next and see where it leads you.

4) Stay flexible. This is your life and it’s okay to go where it takes you, even if it doesn’t look „cool“ or „impressive“ from the outside. All you need is to make it your own.

And if you want to, let me know how it goes some time. :)

[taeyamayang]

Congrats on 200🎉

Can I have a (male) matchup please 💕

My name is amelia

She/her

Personality: I am very empathetic, always trying to keep the people around me happy (even if I'm not in the end) I hate disappointing people so I can over work myself sometimes. Mostly I am kind and polite, but a I get very sassy moments (I can also be very sarcastic). Im also kind of reserved when I first meet someone and it can take me awhile to show my fun, goofy, happy side to them

I like reading books, writing, listening to music (mostly kpop). I also like to go exploring like in the forest or even abandoned places I also love cooking and baking (more so baking tbh)

sometimes I stop in the middle of talking because I think I talk to much (I've been told many times that I do so I just try not to really talk in a way)i play with my hands a lot, I have a really high pitched (idk sorta cute?) sneeze, I can be very clumsy (I literally tripped on air once😂) when I do something scary my hands shaky after I've done the scary thing (if that makes any sense)

What I look for in someone: someone who has a good scenes of humor, is kind and friendly, who can match my level of dork also 😂 and who won't judge me ( and also give me food and cuddles)

i pair you withㅡSugawara Koushi

↬ personally, i think suga can bring out the 'fun' and goofiness inside you. he works well with both introverts and extroverts as he can tone down his energy and match it with an introvert but he can also be choatic and outgoing like an extrovert. he knows when to goof around and take things seriously. im putting all my money on the table, suga WON'T judge you because you find yourself dorky instead he be will be dorky with you (he's so cute right? i love him) and i feel like at distressing moments he will make you laugh to ease the tension, "suga, my hands are shaking." "oh shit, me too. what do we do?" then you both end up laughing. dang, i want this too :/

your hands grip onto the pile of old books from the library. you are at the midst of cleaning old bookshelves as part of your club activity. you joined this club because you like reading books not cleaning shelves and moving books from one floor to the other.

the rest of your clubmates are on their way to the new library extension on the second floor and you're left alone here with the librarian to take your second round of piled books.

"volleyball boy." the librarian calls out an unfortunate boy passing by the library. "do you mind if you give her a hand? these are the last pile of books the reading club needs to move." the librarian taps on the dusted pile of books. you assume the boy agreed to her request when he feel his presence entered the room. consequently, the librarian leaves the two of you alone.

"where do we move this?" he asks. his silver hair glides down as he picks up the books placed on the old desk near the shelf.

"second floor. the, uh, the new-" the continuous itch on your nose interrupts your sentence. "thenewlibraryextension." you rap your words out before you let out a high pitched sneeze.

"oh wow, break it down, yo. i didn't know we have a rapper in school." the silver boy teases you making you giggle at his unique response. you sniff.

"bless you. by the way what's up with the sneeze?" he innocently asks. maybe he's trying to fill in the silence by conversing in small talks. you lead the way by exiting the tight space and he follows you out.

"it's weird i know." you sniff again.

"no, it's not. i think it's cute." his comment tints your cheeks in deep crimson. you look away, trying to come up with a topic to divert the conversation.

"so, volleyball?" you inquire.

"yeah, third year setter. we have some awesome first years this year so i kinda have more time on my plate." he adds, "and you're in the reading club?"

"yes." you profusely nod. "although the club says 'reading' but for the past days all we do is move books. i mean, where's the reading in that? i feel like we're doing free labor for this school. i don't even get to enjoy these books because after fixing them all up in a shelf im either tired or sneezing because of the dust, like what happened earlier! this club is a scam. a whole damn scam." you startle when you realized you accidentally ranted to him.

"sorry, i tend to speak alot." you sheepishly say. he whips his head to you. his eyebrows are pressed together and his lips curled up in confusion.

"don't apologize. it's not something you have to apologize for." he flashes you a quick smile before turning his gaze ahead. "if this happens again tell the vice president! students shouldn't be put in this much labor." he brings his eyes back to you. his lips pull upward into a wide smile making his eyes disappear into a thin line.

"sugawara koushi." he inteoduces himself. you didn't notice that you've been keeping your eyes fixed at him until your next words were cut off by a shameful mistake.

"amelia-" the books are sprawled across the floor of the hallway packed with students from various year level. your hands are touching the ground and your knees folded. you find yourself sitting on your calves. there is nothing to put your blame on but to your clumsiness.

you managed to trip on air. again.

to your shock, suga deliberately falls down to his knees, micmicking your actions. the books that was once secured in his graps are also scattered on the floor.

"what are you doing?!" you scream at him in a hushed tone. everyone in the hallway is looking at you at the two of you.

"it is not considered as an embarrassment if we do it together." he replies to you in a whisper. "also, nice to meet you amelia. your name sounds beautiful." he playfully winks at you before cracking up a smile. you can't help but laugh at your humiliating yet hilarious state. honestly, he made the whole experience fun and bearable. at least you won't have to suffer from overthinking your embarrassment after this occurrence.

a/n: thanks for joining! i hope you enjoy this ♡

join the event!

[ayma-nidiot]

In the White Light - Prideshipping fic Chapter 1

Also on AO3 -> https://archiveofourown.org/works/23875060/chapters/57390967

Summary: In a war against dark forces, most of the Nameless Pharaoh's High Priests have died. Yami Yugi travels to modern day Domino City, desperate to find a soul strong enough to help him turn back the hands of time. He just might have found him - in the form of one of his priests who supposedly had died - and he doesn't fear the curse that has made Seto Kaiba so powerful. After all, he wields the power of an ancient Egyptian song.

Notes: So this will be a pseudo-crossover of Yu-Gi-Oh with Fire Emblem Fates and Fire Emblem Awakening.

The order of events in this fic will be slightly different from the anime. In reality, the Pyramid of Light happens after season 3 but before season 4. In this fic, it will interrupt the Battle City Tournament of season 3. Also, the duels in the Battle City Tournament will have different opponents against each other than in the anime.

The fic starts at the end of season 3 and will end at the end of season 5.

As always, constructive criticism is appreciated, especially if I am not portraying the rules of Duel Monsters correctly. I am fairly new to the game and am quite confused by the rules.

Chapter 1 – The Bane of Your Existence

“Now you’re the one who’s defenseless!” Seto Kaiba, duelist extraordinaire, laughed as he dramatically put one of his most powerful cards on his Duel Disk. He now played in the semifinals of the Battle City tournament – unsurprisingly, held by him. To add a bit of a twist to the tournament, he decided to hold it on top of his KaibaCorp blimp. “Behold, the bane of Yugi’s – and your – existence: the Blue-Eyes White Dragon!”

“Hah!” Yami Yugi, a spirit from ancient Egypt, was not impressed by his rival’s haughty behaviour. “It was the bane of your existence. Or do you not remember our very first duel?”

“Oh, I know whose existence will be banished on this day, Pharaoh. Now go! Blue-Eyes, finish off that-”

“I don’t think so, you rich punk!” Joey Wheeler, Kaiba’s current opponent in this duel of the Domino City Tournament. “You’ve activated my spell card, Scapegoat, negating the attack from your Blue-Eyes White Dragon!”

“Oh no…”

“Oh, yes!”

“Grr…” Kaiba, not only irritated from this surprise attack, now began to feel pain in his shoulder blades and in his lower back. “Be that as it may, most of your good monsters are still gone. How are you going to counter it?”

Joey drew his next card. “I place these two trap cards face down to end my turn.”

“What, you’re just going to not play any monsters, and have these puffballs be the only thing to defend your Life Points?” Kaiba drew a card and cackled. “Hehe… Okay, Blue-Eyes, attack his second Scapegoat!”

“That’s right! Savin’ the best for last is my specialty.”

“So is mine, Wheeler, so is mine.”

Two more turns passed, and now it was Joey’s turn; his Scapegoats were now all gone.

“Unless you draw a god card, Wheeler, you are toast! Oh, that’s right, you don’t have any!”

“Or unless I draw this: Monster Reborn! I use it to summon Jinzo from my Graveyard! And that’s not all… I’ve got the Swords of Revealing Light!”

That same spell that Yugi used in our first match! Wheeler didn’t have it before… Kaiba now glared at Yami Yugi. So… You lent it to him, and not me, an actual worthy duelist?

He returned to his normal composure. “So what? All it’s going to do is buy you time. Unless you’ve got a deck full of Monster Reborn to bring back your actual good monsters, then you still don’t have a chance.”

Kaiba laughed with each card he drew over the next three turns. His back pain grew even more as well, but he ignored it in favour of what he believed would be his imminent victory. “So, you didn’t summon anything good, did you? Just a few useless spell cards?”

Joey simply slammed a trap card face-down on his Duel Disk in response.

“I judge from your silence that you’ve run out of tricks.” Kaiba held two cards in his right hand. “I will first use Polymerization to bring forth Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon! And if you thought I was done, I’m going to tribute this Ultimate Dragon…”

“Uh…” Tristan stepped back. “He’s not done? But isn’t Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon his best monster?”

“…No, I’m afraid not,” answered Yami Yugi. “Don’t tell me he’s going to summon-”

“Now behold! I will tribute my Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon! Come forth, Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon!”

As this beautiful beast, made of pure white armour and sapphires, roared up a whirlwind, Joey’s belief in himself began to wane. “Impossible… I thought you lost that card after Yugi beat Anubis! This can’t be real!”

“Oh, it’s real, Wheeler! I have four dragons in my graveyard, so my new dragon gets an extra 1200 Attack Points, for a grand total of 4200! Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon, attack Jinzo and wipe out the rest of this loser’s Life Points!”

Joey fell on his knees in shame and in pain from this loss. “Yug, I’m sorry… It looks like it won’t be you and me in the finals after all… And after you sent that Marik packing, too. I really wanted to see all your god cards in action.”

“So now it’s time to finally beat you, Yugi!” Kaiba set his sights on Yami Yugi now.

“Before we do, I’ve got something to ask you, Kaiba… When Joey summoned his Scapegoat, I noticed a twinge of pain in your face. Are you feeling all right?”

Kaiba didn’t expect this level of concern from Yami Yugi. “Why are you concerned about me? Shouldn’t you be more concerned about the guy I just crushed?”

“Make no mistake about it, I am. But just because you’re my rival doesn’t mean I wish you harm. You know what, we should take a break and then resume with the finals in an hour or two.”

“And just in time for lunch, too!” Teá exclaimed. “Yes! Perfect chance to show my cooking sk- Hey, where did you go, Tristan and Joey?”

“Hahaha…” Yami Yugi now turned back to Kaiba. “See you at lunch?”

“I prefer to eat in peace, thanks.”

“Oh… Well, then, at least let us cook for you?”

“…Fine, then. You should serve me, after all.” Kaiba headed for the lower deck.

To avoid having to mingle with this band of doofuses any more than he had to, Kaiba decided to make a stop – a conveniently long stop – to the loo and wash his face and hands. “Tch. I don’t need this friendship bull from you, Yugi,” he spoke to the mirror. “My money is more than- Huh?”

Kaiba had been so busy lauding his own riches – and admiring his own looks. But that didn’t stop him from noticing two giant wings coming out of his back in the mirror’s reflection, wings that looked similar to those of the Blue-Eyes Shining Dragon.

“What the fu-” Kaiba looked at his back again, but this time, the wings were absent. He blew off his “vision” as just being absorbed in his victory. “Ha. I knew it was just my imagination.”

He dreaded having to do it, but he hadn’t eaten all day, and the match with Joey tired him. So Kaiba took a deep breath before entering the kitchen – which to his relief, had not a spirit of the Pharaoh, but an ordinary Yugi Mutou instead. He had expected the boy to be annoyingly cheerful when he entered, and not reclusive as he was now.

“Thank you, my humble servants.” Kaiba smirked as he took some of the food that everyone – who, like Yugi, had chosen to ignore his presence – back to his room. Before he could finish his lunch, he heard a knock at the door.

“Go away, you dweeb.”

“Seto, that’s not very nice.” Mokuba frowned as he opened the door. “I was just here to give you your favourite dessert – and to see if you’re okay.”

“Oh, uh… Mokuba. Sorry about that. Why wouldn’t I be okay? You saw me win, didn’t you?”

“Did Yugi and those obnoxious friends of yours give you a hard time again?”

“I’m… not sure I want to talk about it.” Kaiba gave his empty plates back for Mokuba to wash. “I would like to rest before my match with Yugi, so you may leave.”

“Okay… Big Bro, I’m here for you all the time. Don’t you forget that.” So spoke Mokuba as he quietly shut the door.

“I wish people would stop caring about me…” Kaiba drifted off, even more tired now that people around him wouldn’t seem to get off his case.

_______

“Mind Crush!”

At the mercy of this mysterious spell, Kaiba cowered, and remaining as such as his VR equipment lowered to the ground.

“May you eventually learn the heart of the cards, Kaiba.” Yami Yugi walked over to where Kaiba knelt and offered helping hands. “Now come, up you get.”

“You don’t have to help me. I just absolutely squashed your grandfather. Why show kindness to an enemy like me?”

Yami Yugi didn’t accept Kaiba’s refusal to help him, and knelt down at his eye level. “I told you, I want you to learn the heart of the cards. Have fun playing this game, instead of seeing it as just a way to make money and hurt people.”

Kaiba had no words for this seemingly new gentle attitude from Yami Yugi.

“What’s wrong, Kaiba? You’re blushing.”

He could feel it in his face, and that Yami Yugi didn’t lie. Kaiba could hardly bear to look at the face – the very handsome face – of this stranger who had just beaten him flat. He wanted to run his fingers through the other man’s bangs – he was close enough to see every strand – and he didn’t even bother to resist doing so.

“K-Kaiba…” Yami Yugi, to Kaiba’s surprise, didn’t flinch at all, but instead leaned into the hand that touched him. “I’m… I’m so glad… to finally see-”

___________

“AH! FUUUUUUUUCK!” Kaiba sprung awake at this… interesting dream, in more ways than one.

“Jesus, Kaiba… What’s gotten into you? Did you have a nightmare or something?”

Kaiba was not pleased to see Joey standing at the door to his room. “What the hell are you doing here, Wheeler? And yes, if you must know, it was a nightmare.”

“Ooh, I like scary stories!” Tristan showed his face, too. “Care to tell?”

“No, but I do care for the both of you to get the fuck out of my room!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Joey waved his hand horizontally. “We just came here to tell you that Yugi is feeling up to your match now. I don’t know if you are; you certainly don’t look it.”

“O-Of course I’m up to it. Just… Uh, I’ll be there in a minute.”

[illegiblewords]

Some thoughts on critique and sharing work online.

Personally taking offense to the practice of critiquing strangers is pretty destructive imo. I’m not talking about useless insults, or about entitled critics who throw fits if an author doesn’t tailor their work to them. I’m not even talking about the process of sifting through a mean comment to find a shred of something useful.

I developed my own work in part through kind and supportive critics who started off as strangers. A bunch of them have become good friends even to this day, over ten years later. One who I lost contact with (but still remember clearly and am eternally grateful toward) was a guy who commented that I was neglecting setting and physical description in my work. He told me he could see I had talent, but missing that element was a big earmark of fanfic writers. Understandable, but pushing myself to address it would be worthwhile.

He’d never had a single conversation with me before. What he said has played a huge part in how my work has developed. He granted me an opportunity to grow as a creator that without him, I might not have noticed to practice.

I also witnessed, at the time, people who got nasty and discouraging as basic course against budding writers. I was aware that pleasing those critics was a kind of accomplishment because if they didn’t like something they wouldn’t hesitate to say so, but I didn’t and still don’t think that behavior is right for new writers. Or in-general, really.

I’ve had people insult my own work in some really ugly ways, mostly to my face. My writing was compared to mud, called gimmicky, described as (paraphrasing to avoid possible ID) something gratuitous and empty and cheap. The most extreme of these cases were done by professors in front of entire classes during college. I’ve had professors threaten to fail me when I asked for clarification on a critique (how do you shorten a piece when you add content to it?) and I’ve had people I thought were friends so discourage me on the potential of my projects that I just dropped them. Sometimes it got bad to the point that I honestly questioned whether I had any talent and felt deeply ashamed of my work. I’ve won awards since (which ngl real validating right there) and am still working to overcome the worst baggage.

I truly understand how discouraging feedback like that can be. It’s hard, and sometimes it sucks a lot, but as storytellers I believe we have some responsibility to our craft, to ourselves, and to our audiences. It requires being able to step back and ask ourselves honestly what feedback has a kernel of something useful and what is just mean and should be discarded. There is a level of self-possession you just need to own for the sake of what you’re attempting, to know your intent in both making and sharing your work. To judge whether or not you’re meeting that. And if being clear and resonating (at least more often than not) with our audiences is a priority, we need to be willing to “cut up our babies” so to speak so that we can share our ideas as well as we possibly can.

It can be scary to share something you’ve made online. This goes for people just starting and veterans. It’s especially true in current year. I’ve personally seen creators get harassed into suicide attempts by cybermobs numbering in the hundreds. In some of the cases I witnessed, cybermob members even got arrested for this. The phenomenon, which is remarkably prone to targeting creators struggling with mental illness or “model minorities”, is absolutely horrifying and unacceptable. Even if the targets had been bigoted assholes (they weren’t), the cybermobs still would have been the bigger evil.

From a disgruntled audience member standpoint, if someone commits a crime online they need to be reported to the authorities. Not subject to the will of a mob. If someone writes, draws, or otherwise presents something insensitive and personally offensive--you can voice your criticism, but that work has the right to exist too. And rather than try to control another person if they aren’t interested in adjusting, you would be better off not engaging them. Make something of your own and celebrate creators who do fit what you’re looking for.

Cybermobs are not normal critique, but they are more prevalent than normal critique these days. We are currently in a time where people don’t know how to have conversations about ways to improve without personally attacking or outright threatening each other. This goes for those giving and receiving critique. It’s caused some massive problems and has led to many creators being afraid to even try, let alone share their work.

Having someone who respects and believes in your writing, who wants to watch you continue growing, and who won’t begrudge you choosing to discard their advice? That only presents an opportunity to creators for honest insight.

People get scared to offer critique too--especially if they sincerely want to help a creator they respect. Writers can be very sensitive and defensive. How could it be otherwise when you put so much heart into your work and someone tells you a way you can do it more effectively? It’s easy to treat that person like they’re trying to hurt or discourage you, when in reality it’s that they see you building something with an inefficient tool and know another tool that would work better for what you’re trying to make.

Critics are just people. They take their own risks when they execute craft.

We desperately do need to practice healthy critique in storytelling today, as creators and audience members. It used to be common for people to simply say “no critique please!” if they weren’t interested, which was generally respected. To instead try to shift things so that any person who dares approach a stranger with constructive criticism is doing something rude or immoral I think is not just counterproductive but potentially toxic harmful toward writing communities.

[alexazbofficial]

EXCLUSIVE Interview With AleXa Of Produce 48 [Future K-Pop Star]

A day before the Delhi show we got to sit down with AleXa at length. Having to give continuous press interviews since morning she did not one bit show anything but cheerfulness on her face. She answered all of my questions with a smile even describing the adversities she had gone through like it was no big deal.

How do i even begin to describe my impression of hers, she is super talented and yet very down to earth. To quote her “I can’t English right now.” So thank god i have the detailed interview below from when i could!

KHigh: Could you please introduce yourself and tell us about your background?

AleXa: My name is AleXa – stage name, i am originally from Tulsa, Oklahoma in the United States and i was born to a Russian-American father and a Korean mother so i am half actually. I have lived my entire life speaking English up until 21 years of my life, only English because my mom was adopted from Seoul when she was 5 so she doesn’t remember the language… couldn’t teach me therefore, there’s that. Umm I’ve basically been singing, dancing and doing stuff on stage my entire life and then Zany Bros found me in 2017… and the rest is history!

KHigh: I did some research on you and found out that you started dancing from a very young age and it shows in your performances, when you dance you own the space and have fun doing it! But how and when did singing come into picture?

AleXa: Let’s see… like you said I’ve been dancing from an young age, i mean i was in my school choir and every thing but i really only started taking singing seriously in high school. Sophomore year of high school is i suppose 10th grade in India, i was accepted into my high school’s show choir and i along with two other sophomore girls, we made it in and for 15 years there had not been sophomores admitted into the choir until my year!

KHigh: So we can say that was your first achievement at singing?

AleXa: Yes! And up until i graduated i stayed in show choir and that gave me more confidence in singing on stage and more performing etc. Then i went to college and started studying musical theater, we did vocal classes and stuff but i never received vocal lessons until i came to South Korea for my training.

KHigh: Did you get to complete your college?

AleXa: I actually dropped out before i graduated because *laughs* Korea.

KHigh: I also heard you are interested in science!

AleXa: Very much so!

KHigh: I saw your video with Grazy Grace and you mentioned about being a mortician and i thought to myself “well that’s scary!”

*we both laugh, her more at ease and me with wonderment.*

KHigh: You were so specific on that so how come?

AleXa: Being a forensic pathologist is something i wanted to do from a very young age but also mortician do autopsies on bodies.

*she continued to answer as if its the most natural choice as a kid*

AleXa: My mother from young age said i should go to medical school because doctors, nurses make a lot of money but i just never like the idea of having someone else’s LIFE in my hand. So how about NO, how about i work with dead people so if anything goes wrong i can not be sued.

*she concludes chuckling*

KHigh: Woah very clever! I could have never thought of it like this, so you weren’t scared of it ever?

AleXa: Oh noooo, once there was an exhibit that came to my hometown called ‘Bodies’, it was donated bodies of prisoners some of them were completely skinned and you could see the veins, organs – some were dissected a certain way you could actually feel it! It was incredible!

KHigh: Is the thought of pursuing college still there?

AleXa: Maybe after debut, if i wanna continue my education, if i have time… i would like to go back to university, but i think more or less after my career is at its finished point then i’d like to go back to college, one little step at a time.

KHigh: I’ve watched and cheered for you on Produce 48, but i’d also like to know your journey towards it, coming to Korea auditioning for entertainment agencies etc?

AleXa: So in 2016 was the first year that this online contest called ‘Rising Legends’ happened with Soompi and JYP, i won  the dance category and the following one with Cube i also won the dance category but that year among the top 3 winners they chose one grand winner with the most overall votes and judges’ decision to go to Korea for originally 5 days and audition for cube in person. I won the grand prize and was given the opportunity but when they called me saying i won they also mentioned  “hey we’re considering filming a TV reality show the week before would you fly out a week early and be part of this” and there was no way i was going to pass that up! So i went to Korea and that’s when i met the Zany Bros crew so i was introduced to my company that way and through that we shot my first single and music video “Strike it up” and during the editing process the Ceo of Zany bros saw and asked about me, and that’s when the idea of me being their first trainee and Zany bros starting an entertainment company was sparked!

KHigh: How did you make the choice of going ahead with ZB as you had not auditioned for any other companies other than ZB label and Cube Entertainment?

AleXa: I remember they (ZB Label) called me in December 2017 to talk about this i had my parents with me we did a Video conference, for the longest time my parents knew i loved doing creative things and they of course supported me in high school but as i had mentioned my mom wanted me to go to medical school so gaining so it took me a long time to gain their full approval for me to go all into something creative with no second choices, when this opportunity arose they were like its about time go for it, there’s nothing for you to lose at this point you can only try and get further. So there was no way i was going to pass it away!

KHigh: How long have you been training? And what is the hardest part of being a trainee?

AleXa: To be really in the trainee system, i think it began more or less in November. We started going in we had everyday training, i started attending a Korean academy to improve my language, i have private training to better my rhythm and then am also taking a K-Pop class to get the basic lines and things down for girl group choreography. So i’d say its been a little over an half year.  Hardest part is probably keeping the mindset of like, It’s okay be at  the level you’re at but you can do better. You need to know you have to do better, no matter how well you’re doing at the moment you think but you need to go above and beyond of what the standard is. That’s probably a very hard thing to keep in mind.

KHigh: You had to learn Korean language from scratch, what do you think helps you best learning the language?

AleXa: I think just constantly speaking it. I’ve learnt to use Korean more and though I’m not even close to fluent but to constantly speak gets my brain to work faster hence even if i make mistakes it’s corrected and i catch on quick. So the more you speak it, it gets more natural. I had the biggest fear of me not wanting to say anything in Korean constantly worried about speaking incorrectly, but not anymore i don’t care even if i have to corrected, good at-least i’ll learn.

KHigh: Tell us about the culture difference you might have experienced when you came to Korea for the first time? Has it settled in or you still feel it from time to time?

AleXa: The US is completely opposite of Asia, i mean India and Korea are very alike. In Korea you have different forms of speech formal-informal even in India, but not in English it’s more about the tone how you address someone. Definitely the language is the biggest culture shock like different addresses for different people etc. and I’m still getting use to it.

KHigh: During the airing of Produce 48 there was specifically one clip of you crying a lot, it quickly became the talk but we never found out what happened there exactly? You also suffered an injury too, right?

AleXa: During Produce my injury did happen but it’s all healed now, in school i did cheerleading and things and injured a lot so it may have been a pre-existing one that had not healed over the years possibly because I’ve been dancing my whole life, i don’t ever rest my knees! And yes the clip, everyone was like so sad but no one knew why haha. I did sustain a knee injury a ligament tear the doctor had suggested i take 2 months off from dancing because if worsened i would require reconstructive surgery on my knee but we had our group battle only a few days after and i was like I’m not going to give up because of my dang knee, so yeah i had to give my all!

Also the team i was in all of them were already known and they had fans in the audience, so there was this moment when we went out there i saw all these signs and not one for me, after the performance when the MC asked me “did you see your fans out there?” and as soon as the translator told me, i just snapped. I mean i didn’t expect going thinking that oh i’ll be famous but yes to see no one for me just kind of broke me at that moment.

*I then went on to assure her how much Indian fans adore her and that she won’t have to feel like this anymore. We sang Drake “Started from the bottom” and also taught her the “Apna time ayega” chant!*

KHigh: You opened the show for IN2IT and might i add did so fabulously, how did this opportunity come about? When you heard the news what was your reaction?

*She begins to answer with a big smile clearly still in awe*

AleXa: If I’m being honest sometimes i don’t even know how exactly this happened either haha… i just remember one day my staff announced it to me that i’ll be opening for IN2IT on their tour and i was like what… hello… okay

*re-enacts her shocked expression, you had to be THERE*

AleXa: We have been working with them for things ahead but this came up and since PRODUCE it’s the first. Let alone abroad! Not a IN2IT concret in Korea but Delhi, Mumbai it’s a lot of responsibility to uphold and make sure to do a good job.

KHigh: Well you did a great job! After your Mumbai stage i can say you nailed it.

AleXa: Thank you!!

KHigh: How has your experience been working with IN2IT?

AleXa: They are really hard working, nice boys. I am guilty i did not watch Boys24 all the way through but i tuned in every now and then i saw the debuting group and their Snapshot era. One of my friends from back home is actually a big IN2IT fan and would always talk to me about them! I did my research before we started practicing, they’re very fun to be around, caring like good older brothers.

KHigh: As you mentioned this was a concert in India. Upon hearing that, what was your impression of India?

AleXa: I knew that Hallyu wave had come here but to what extent, i wasn’t aware… but when i walked on stage at the Korea fest i saw the crowd, all these people it was insane. I was like wow! That’s incredible! The response was wild in the best way, its amazing to see how K-Pop has come to India.

KHigh: After the show you met some fans i remember you mentioned it was your first time experiencing something like it, can you share us more on how you felt?

AleXa: It was the most heartfelt moments I’ve had in a long time, I’ve never really had the opportunity to meet my fans in this kind of way let alone meeting after a show, I’ve never done it before. To walk into a room and see people who are happy to see me… i never felt i’d be here in my life to the level of… minor success i am having at the moment so it was like a dream come true.

KHigh: Can we talk about you going viral with your performance on ‘Bole Chudiya’, how was your experience and how long did the prep take?

AleXa: Keiko (NAMAS-K) found the song and clip for us, Bollywood is so colorful i find it thoroughly entertaining. We learned our parts individually and then we practiced together, for myself it took me about 2 days to make it look good but 2 more full days of practice to perfect it even more.

KHigh: You exude confidence, there’s a certain charm you carry be it on stage or off stage, would you say you’ve naturally always been a confident person or you feel you need to work on it from time to time?

AleXa: Oh man if you were to talk to me 2 years ago, no.

I have not been like this, I’ve struggled with self confidence for so long. Thank you for seeing on stage and thinking i have it… it’s a relief to hear. But i still struggle with confidence now… a lot and i feel that’s a very human thing. I’ve never met any one in my life who’s completely confident all the time. I feel having doubts and worries is what makes us human. Over the years on stage i would say i have gained more confidence because in school and college i didn’t fell confidence in things as their was a lot of favoritism, i felt unwanted but ever since training in Korea, I’ve garnered a lot more confidence and the mindset that i am here to perform for my people and i’ll put the best show possible when I’m on stage!

KHigh: If there was one thing you had to say to all the young girls and women out there looking up to you, what would that be?

AleXa: I think it would be ‘Your voice matters’ because as women we get silenced at times, we feel unimportant, unwanted and invalidated at times but that’s not true! As Beyonce said who runs the world? GIRLS!

I would say don’t  be afraid to be heard if someone’s not listening grab a Megaphone!

KHigh: You know about your YeeHaw Squad?

AleXa: That was literally the first thing i saw when the lights went up a big bright yellow sign that said “Can you be the Yee to my Haw?” And in my brain i was processing like oh no what have i done but also the fact that not only K-Pop has come over here but my dumb little southern colloquialisms have made it here. I felt so good, these girls are awesome. It made me feel a lot more comfortable because it’s something i say and i saw it in the middle of the crowd and felt now i can breath now. A representation of my hometown had taken off so well i felt comfortable and more welcomed! I felt being accepted for all my quirks and weirdness.

KHigh: What kind of music you want to pursue and who are the artists you look upto?

AleXa: I mean sound wise i love the music of the 70s-80s and the Wonder Girls really carried that and even right now Sunmi has an 80s synth going on, so for pop music i’d say that way but if i ever branch out into RnB i definitely want to go in the direction of Heize, her sound is something i really follow. And then, music inspirations in general … Like i mentioned the 70s-80s even up to the 50s, i love David Bowie, Queen yeah I love all these old like soft rock, glam rock bands Twisted Sister, KISS, ACDC, Rolling Stones like i love all these things so those have been really big influences on me creatively.

KHigh: Apart from singing and dancing, are you also interested in song writing, composing or production?

AleXa: Yeah Singing and dancing part aside of being an Idol I’m slowly learning how to compose with my vocal teacher back in Korea, which is awesome ’cause i wanted to pursue it for so long and my teacher is also teaching me to play Piano. I’ve been writing poetry/lyrics for the longest time, i have notebooks filled! As my label is ZB so I’ve always been interested in production and would love to get behind that!

KHigh: Wow! Apart from conquering the world is there any other hidden talent we should know about?

AleXa: Umm, i can fly *does the airplane*

I really don’t know if it’s a talent but i can eat spicy food!

KHigh: I’ll give you that!

KHigh: You put covers regularly, you’re opening shows now, the Pre-debut hype is in the air, every one wants to know how close is your debut?

AleXa: Whenever i’m asked this question i just like to say i know as much as you do, that’s the thing my staff of-course knows how its going to be possibly when its going to be, I’m hoping and praying that with more hard work it can be this year. Hoping and praying!

KHigh: Trust me your fans are ready and hoping it’s this year. I feel it’s the right time you are creating waves as you’ve been so well received and Indian fans love you dearly! Everyone is buzzing about your debut.

AleXa: I’m so grateful for the response i had because i never imagined being here but all in all my debut depends on me and how much i can achieve within the time frame, so really hoping that it’s gonna be soon with more hard work.

KHigh: I’d like to ask you some quick one word answer-questions!

If you had to sum up your journey in produce?

AleXa: Memories.

KHigh: One word for the Mumbai (Kfest & Concert) Experience?

AleXa: Impactful.

KHigh: Describe your trainee life in just a word?

AleXa: Passion.

Khigh: One word for your future self?

AleXa: Integrity.

There’s so much i want to say but i feel my brain isn’t functioning I’m so overwhelmed, to all the fans that have been supporting me since day 1 I’m so grateful for your love and support. I hope that you continue to look after me, thank you! – ALEXA

[animeraider]

I want to talk to you a moment about fear.

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, and then just as I was about to publish it we had a slew of mass shootings, including one in my own geographical back yard, at a festival I've attended with my family. It seems to me that being afraid of gun violence is the one exception to my entire essay, and it does poke a big hole in it. We can't be afraid to close that hole. So here is that essay. +++++++++++++++++++++ I have said for a very long time now that the only useful place for fear in on Rollercoasters. Maybe horror movies. That it. Nothing else. But I want to dig deeper on that theme for a moment, if you don’t mind.

For getting on close to 2 decades now, there has been a political party in this country that has wanted you to be afraid. Usually it’s to be afraid of Muslims, terrorists, foreigner… anything other. They want you to believe that crime is getting worse. They want you to believe the country is financially unstable. They want you to believe there is a gay agenda that will change your life for the worse. A Trans-gender agenda. An Atheist agenda. A war on Christmas. Fear of packages in the mail. Fear of people in black communities, with their high crime rates. Fear of immigrants and the crime they bring. Fear of cartels and gangs that don’t even have a presence in this country. Fear of the Deficit. Fear that higher taxes will kill the economy. Fear that Iran is building an atomic bomb. Fear that the government will take over your healthcare. Fear that the government will take your guns. Fear that the government will take your freedoms.

This really ramped up after 9/11. I won’t kid you, that was awful. Grotesque. I can remember every damned moment of it – feeling genuinely in shock but being brave for my children, who were frightened out of their wits. Grabbing my children from their schools. Picking up my wife from her teaching job and the protocols that say that teachers needs to stay at their posts can go fuck themselves. Hunkering down and wishing it were all over. Thinking about the flight originally bound by my adopted hometown, and our own skyscrapers. It was awful and it opened a horrific wound.

Thing is, when do we get to heal? Why do we need to stay afraid? How can we possibly heal if we’re still afraid?

I’m asking that all of you please, stop being afraid. We’re not the greatest country in the world anymore but we sure used to be. We dreamed big, accomplished even bigger, and created the world’s next great adventures. We don’t do that anymore.

Fear is holding us back. Fear of the other. Fear of the world and how different it is from us. Yeah, we got hurt, badly hurt, but it’s time to heal. It’s time to stop being afraid to heal. It’s not easy, and I don’t deny that. But let me offer you a few notions about fear that maybe you haven’t considered.

I’m not afraid of Muslims. They’ve been part of this country going back to its very foundation. There are more Muslims in the world than there are Americans and there always has been. 9/11 didn’t change that. We’ve been fine with Muslims. Sharia Law isn’t being introduced anywhere in this country. It’s just not. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying, and wants you afraid. If Muslims were such a big problem why are we as a nation so damned friendly with Saudi Arabia? Senegal? Pakistan? Morocco? Singapore? Egypt? Kuwait? Morocco – the first country to recognize the United States as an independent country (1786), and with whom we maintain the longest single treaty in US History?

A Muslim named Fazlur Tahman Khan (an American) invented the engineering system that allows skyscrapers to be built, including the Twin Towers, Sears Tower in Chicago and even the Trump International Hotel and Tower in the same city. He also built the Metrodome. A Muslim named Ernest Hamwi invented the Ice Cream Cone at the 1904 World’s Fair (Martha Stewart has published his original recipe too).

I’m not afraid of terrorists. I actually know someone who died on 9/11 and I completely understand the anger, the fear. I’ve felt it. It’s a physical thing you can feel and touch. But you know what? The country seems to have learned its lesson about how to anticipate this sort of thing. I’d like to think we can relax now. There are people whose jobs are to be vigilant and they’ve been successful since that awful day 2 decades ago. I think we can relax. And if I’m wrong? What’s the point of dying scared? Laugh at death – it’s going to laugh back. Don’t take life so seriously, it was never meant to be permanent.

I prefer to think of them simply as criminals. In addition to not being afraid, don’t make them important.

I’m not afraid of foreigners. I want to see the world, and see the differences and the similarities in other cultures. I want them to be our partners on this pale blue dot. Being afraid of the rest of the world seems just so… lonely. We’re not built for lonely. You’re here, reading this right now, aren’t you? Lonely makes people into monsters thanks to the echo chamber that is our own brains and we must be better than that.

I’m not afraid of crime. Despite all the crime shows on television, cable and podcast crime is actually way down, and is trending down. Even the FBI says so. I’m not afraid of the country being financially unstable. Yes, we have good days and bad days but overall the country is still the largest economy on the planet and will continue to be for a long time unless we intentionally intervene to make it worse. We have safety nets we didn’t use to have. Social Security isn’t going broke. Nowhere close. We have plenty of money. It does, however, need a slight adjustment in who is holding on to it.

I’m not afraid of gays. For the most part, every gay person, every Trans person I have ever met has wanted only one thing – for everyone else to not care that they’re gay or trans. Or anywhere else on the non-binary spectrum. It doesn’t affect you in any way whatsoever. The LGBTQA agenda in schools? Mostly it teaches that it doesn’t matter. Can you stop being afraid of this? Yeah, some religions say that this is a sin but can you stop being afraid of it long enough to take to heart one great lesson in that book of yours? Even if you believe it’s a sin, you love the sinner. That’s it. Stop there. Never, never, never add hate to that. “Love the sinner, Hate the sin” isn’t in the Bible, the Koran or the Torah. Anything further isn’t religion – it’s justifying what you’re afraid of; most likely yourself.

(As a side note, for those of you who use the Bible to justify your fears of these people, I find it hilarious that you keep using the parts of the Bible written by the Romans after they co-opted Christianity. But who am I to judge?)

I’m not afraid of Atheists for the same reason. You know what they want? For everyone else to not push their own agenda on them, just like you don’t want someone else’s agenda forced on you. The Constitution is quite clear on this – no religion will be established by the state. Atheists would like you to support this very American ideal. That’s it.

There is no war on Christmas. There simply isn’t. Atheists exchange gifts too, because it’s nice to do.

I’m not afraid of packages in the mail. Yeah, there was some scary stuff sent out just after 9/11, but the number of people who got those packages/envelopes can be counted on one hand, and it isn’t your hand.

I’m not afraid of black neighborhoods. Crime really isn’t any higher in black neighborhoods than it is in white ones, not when the economics are taken into account. When people have money crime goes down, regardless of the color of one’s skin. Go to any white community where they income levels and cost of living are the same as any similar black neighborhood and you’ll find that the crime rates are just about equal. But the people trying to keep you afraid are white, and black is part of “the other”. There are good people living in those neighborhoods. Kind people. People who would help you.

Stop calling the police on black people. Stop being afraid. Be kind.

I‘m not afraid of immigrants or any crime. Yes, a couple of stories have been sensationalized, but statistically immigrants cause less crime than those of us born here. I’m not afraid of them taking our jobs. If the jobs are there and you want them, apply for them. Those jobs they’re taking are jobs you didn’t want, and they’re there. Immigrants tend to work hard, because they want what we used to be, and what they believe we can still be.

Fear of foreign gangs? Seriously? This might surprise you but MS13 members haven’t been making it across the border. You don’t find them in our detention camps. That’s because they’re not here.

Fear of the deficit? Nope, just can’t do it. Not when the political power who wants you to be afraid stops caring about it when they’re in power, and starts caring about it when they’re not. Besides, when they are it balloons, and when they’re not it decreases. Almost like they’re the cause or something.

I don’t fear higher taxes. Most people simply don’t make enough money where changes in the marginal tax rate will even touch them. Will it destroy the economy? No. The economy could change though. If money gets returned to the lower classes they’ll spend it. The economy should actually get better. The economy was great when Eisenhower was President. When Kennedy was President. We built highways. We went to the moon. You know, when taxes were higher.

Taxes, right now, are lower than they have been in your entire lifetime. Unless you’re over 90 years old.

Iran isn’t building an atomic bomb. They could, if they’re not engaged with. Obama realized this and got them to stop. I’m not afraid on Iran. But some people haven’t recovered from the wound given us in 1979 by Iran. Trump may just be one of them. His National Security Advisor certainly hasn’t.

I don’t fear the government taking over my health care. I’d kind of rather they did so, actually. My mother has Medicare and they’ve treated her better than my doctors sometimes treat me. Her healthcare also costs one hell of a lot less. If we move to a system like the one Canada has then yes, your taxes will be higher. But your healthcare costs will be lower. Much lower than how much your taxes go up. I’d say that’s a trade to not be afraid of.

I don’t fear the government taking your guns. I’d actually be quite happy if they did it but that’s a conversation for another time. It’s simply not going to happen. We do need to have an honest conversation about it though. We’ve lost too many children to guns. Come on people, we can solve this.

There is so much more that people have been trying to make us all afraid of over the past couple of decades. Much more than I could list here. Vaccines, Godless schools, Black people voting, improper birth certificates, QAnon, Impeachment… the list just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on. I’m not afraid of any of it.

And I’m not afraid of Donald J. Trump. Or Mike Pence. Or Moscow Mitch McConnell.

I’m not afraid of anything. I’m an American. A citizen of what used to be The United States of America. I’d like you to be too.

Being afraid is downright un-American. So stop it. All of you. You can do this.

[appreciate-kaimaki]

Could I request headcannons for SHSL Biker Gang Leader Maki and SHSL Nurse Kaito?

Thank you, anon, for sending us our first AU/talentswap ask! This one was such a joy to write! I had to think a lot to make a scenario where a biker gang leader and a nurse could meet and grow closer together, but the ideas really started to flow pretty soon. And in the end, it became the longest piece I've ever written on this blog... so long, in fact, that I converted it into a full fanfic! Did I do your idea justice? What do you think? Your fic is under the cut, so please enjoy!

~Mod Shuichi~

Maki Harukawa is the roughest, toughest, most ruthless gangster the world has ever seen, standing at the very peak of street hierarchy and feared not only by the other gangs (many of whom are double her age) but also the police themselves. She routinely prowls the streets with her gang, clad in her signature red and black leather jacket with a dagger strapped to her thigh and revving her bike's custom engine as loudly as she can as she tears through the streets like the queen of the road she is. And this would have been like any other day, had a rival gang led by Shirogane Tsumugi not decided to mount a sneak attack on her to 'reclaim the streets'. Two of her goons got a van and t-boned Maki's bike in an intersection in a very underhanded move.

They should have known better. Maki Harukawa does not go down that easily - and even if she can't fight them right now herself, her well-trained subordinates are lightyears better than Shirogane's bear-handed misfits. Still, she knows she'd be dead if it weren't for her natural agility and reflexes, and she also knows she's extremely lucky to have gotten off on just a broken arm and leg.

She's rushed to the hospital and Korekiyo, her second-in-command, drops by with some of her gang members to check up on her once the operation's over. Maki tells him not to mind her too much, and to go wage war on Shirogane and her band of idiots instead. He heeds the command with much gusto, but not before pre-paying her bills to the best service the hospital can afford. Never say crime doesn't pay, she muses.

(Other gang leaders would be worried about their second-in-commands usurping their rule while they're out of commission. Not Maki, though. She knows her subordinates like the front of her hand, and they will never betray her while she's still alive.)

Now that she is effectively relieved from duty, the only thing left to do is to rest and mend her bones. Easy, huh?

Apparently not, as the personal nurse assigned to her is the single most annoying human being she has ever seen. His spiky purple hair and goatee clash horribly against his scrubs, and every fifth word out of his mouth is a space pun. He also doesn't appear to be intimidated by her at all - doesn't he know who she is? Any hope that he would be somewhat tolerable is dashed to pieces like her bike when he immediately gives her a despicable nickname in the first minute they meet.

"Hi, I'm Kaito Momota!" he announces way too jovially to someone who just had two limbs wrapped in a cast. "I'll be your nurse for the next four months. Nice to meet you, Miss Maki Roll!"

"Maki Roll?!"

He then proceeds to spend the next three hours explaining how he made her that nickname (because her first name is Maki, you see, and his mom just so adores his maki rolls that it's become a reflex whenever he sees the word, oh did he mention that he makes some wicked maki rolls?) and Maki is ready to either strangle him or rip her own hair out of her scalp when Momota is finally called away by intercom. The reprieve is short-lived, however, as the purple idiot barges back in a mere ten minutes later, ready to torture her with more bad puns and incessant storytelling. At this point, Maki would rather strangle herself. One thing is clear: she cannot take this for four effing months. She'd go mad by the second week.

She takes advantage of one of his bathroom breaks to flag down a passing doctor, a lady with deep purple hair and lavender eyes (was purple hair a thing in medical personnel these days?), and begs her to get her a different nurse, a doctor she could talk to, anyone other than Kaito goddamned Momota.

The doctor, 'Mikan Tsumiki' according to her nameplate, apparently cannot understand Maki's adverse reaction. "B-but didn't your friend ask for the best we had?", she replies quizzically. And right then and there Maki learns from Doctor Tsumiki that Kaito Momota the imbecile in purple is in fact the Super High School Level Nurse what the hell?!

"Everyone's so energetic and cheerful after meeting him," Doctor Tsumiki continues, and Maki can barely contain her incredulousness. Momota chooses that moment to reappear, and Doctor Tsumiki excuses herself. Maki forces herself to think for the best - if he's the Ultimate Nurse, at least he'll be good at treating her enough for her to ignore his prattling.

And he is very good at his job, indeed. He can change her casts without her feeling a single thing. He's always ready on call in case she needs anything, and he's making a visible effort to ramble less after the first few days. He still doesn't seem to acknowledge at all that he's treating the number one gangster in town, though.

He knows who she is. He'd be an actual idiot if he didn't, considering her name still shows up on the news at least once a week (including the report on her 'accident').

Yet he is still as friendly and, dare she say it, charming as the first time he met her. (What? He is annoying, but there is a certain charm to him.) It's nice, but it's also scary. If what he's showing her is a facade, it's a better mask than any she has ever worn and she's terrified of it.

One day she just goes 'fuck it' and decides to ask him herself. Time in the hospital is supremely boring, so Maki can at least blame the situation for her curiosity getting the better of her. She puts on her best game face and calls him over.

"Hey, Momota."

"Yes, Maki Roll?"

"Do you know who I am?"

"Well, duh." He gestures to her patient card at the foot of the bed. "Why wouldn't I? Maki Harukawa, the SHSL Biker Gang Leader. I'm not that stupid, you know."

"Then why aren't you scared of me? Why do you keep trying to get closer? Do I look like a joke to you?"

There. She said it. Now all she needs is answers.

Kaito pulls up a chair and plonks himself down on it. His eyes have a serious look she's never seen before as he opens his mouth.

"I'd be lying if I wasn't a little bit scared. Your eyes have that look down pat. But I'm not gonna let that bother me. At all."

"Why?"

"I became a nurse because I wanted to help people, make them happier and healthier, and I won't stop just because some lady has an unconventional job. The queen of England could be sitting here right now and I'd treat her exactly the same way. To me, you're not Maki Harukawa the gangster. You're Maki Harukawa, the girl with a broken arm and leg."

Maki is thrown for a loop at his words. Nobody had ever considered her identity seperate from her title before. No one has ever treated her like everyone else before. The nerve, part of her mind screams. It's kindness, another part yells back. Maki thinks the latter is more likely.

And as she's thinking, the idiot just has to add, "Plus, I think you're kinda cute."

She takes pleasure in watching Momota duck to avoid the pen she throws at his face.

As the days pass by, she finds herself opening up more and more to Momo... Kaito. (He had insisted upon calling him that, reasoning that they weren't strangers anymore. He wasn't wrong, so she obliged.) As the SHSL Biker Gang Leader Maki is used to a life of hushed voices and fearful glances whenever she shows up, and she deals with it because being the top of the food chain means she has to keep her image intact. But Kaito is different. She feels like she can be actually personal with Kaito, in a way even Korekiyo cannot provide. Maybe it's because whatever she tells him, he doesn't judge - he just listens.

He listens to her past as an orphan, tossed from foster home to foster home. He listens to her recounting the brutal world of street crime and how it burned her childhood into ashes. He listens to what she feels about Korekiyo, how she's grateful for him because he was her first real friend. She can tell he's genuinely interested in whatever it is she's saying.

And then, when she's done talking, he'll share something about himself. He used to want to be an astronaut, before deciding his talents would better be used helping the sick and injured. His best friend is the SHSL Detective (one of them, at least). He helped set him up with his crush the SHSL Pianist, and they've been dating for almost a year. He can actually make some delicious maki rolls. (He brought some over one day to share with her at lunch and she's never tasted a better roll. Maybe the nickname isn't too bad after all?)

It's all very new to her, and Maki is both unnerved and excited by it at the same time. One thing is sure, though - it feels very good to have someone who understands her.

The four months are gone in a flash, and soon Kaito is removing the last pieces of her leg cast as she reads a text from Korekiyo saying he'll head over to pick her up. Maki steals a glance at the nurse busying himself with the cast saw. Is it too sentimental to think that she'd like to see him some more? First impressions aside, she's really grown attached to him - and a part of her wonders if that attachment could become something more. Dammit, Maki thinks. She's been away from action for too long. She must have gone soft. Lost in thought, she jumps in surprise when Kaito's face abruptly fills her field of vision.

"Earth to Maki Roll," he says, "As I was saying, your arm and leg have mended splendidly, so you'll be cleared in the next hour - so I got you a good health present!"

He hands her a bundle wrapped in glittery purple wrapping paper. She tears it open, only to find... her old jacket?

It's not her old jacket. Her old jacket got shredded to ribbons in the crash and they had to throw it away. But this one, also black leather with crimson highlights but shiny new, fits her perfectly in both style and size.

"I saw the interns throwing out your jacket the day you got here. I guessed you might miss it, so I got you a new one. It's not the exact same model, but..."

"How did you know my size?"

"You're joking, right? You went through more than a hundred hospital gowns. Of course I remembered." His smile is blinding, and Maki can't help but give a small smile back in return. For a split second, as she holds the clearly heartfelt gift, all her emotions do battle debating what to do. She settles for hugging him awkwardly around the midsection with a muttered "Thank you."

"You're welcome! It wasn't a big deal, really." Kaito's smile is positively radiant as he hugs her back.

She could really get used to this.

NO. Stop it, Maki. You're the SHSL Biker Gang Leader. You have a reputation. You can't be this soft.

Speaking of soft, Kaito's shirt feels really soft...

Maki. STOP.

She recoils quickly, ducking to hide the blush on her face, and spits out "I bet you give presents to all the patients you treat!" to hide her embarassment only to immediately regret it when his face visibly falls.

"I'm not that kind of person, you know," he mutters, "you were the first time I bought someone something." It's the quietest she's ever seen him. Great, now she's the one feeling bad.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. Kaito gives her a small smile as he escorts her to the doctor's office. "It's okay. I guess I should tell you you're also the only one to get a nickname?"

She laughs out loud, and it feels good again.

True to Kaito's word, the doctor soon gives her the all-clear. He does, however, remind her to go easy on her limbs and keep doing physical therapy for at least another month.

Korekiyo is, true to his word, waiting for her just outside the door with a full brigade of riders in tow. As Maki strides out to meet him, he wordlessly hands her a cracked pair of glasses and a bloody ribbon. Maki grins as she inspects the trophies. Shirogane won't be bothering them anytime soon.

He beckons her to the new bike he just dismounted and mounts the one next to it, just behind the rider. "It's all yours, boss. Just out from the shop."

But before she can get on her new bike and leave, she is reminded of Kaito standing just a few steps behind her, his eyes fixed on her back. Maki's no mind-reader, but she can clearly see the thinly veiled longing etched in his face.

It should be a tough decision. She has a reputation to keep, control to reassume, and underlings to whip into shape, after all. But Maki didn't become queen of the road by doing what everyone expected her to do, did she? It's that moment she decides to do what she does best - follow what her heart tells her. She asks Korekiyo for a pen.

Kaito has decided he's stared enough and just turned to go back inside when Maki's voice rings out from behind him.

"Wait!"

He turns back around. Maki saunters toward Kaito, new jacket glinting in the sunlight. She leans in close to his ear.

"I might come back a few times for my physical therapy... surely you wouldn't mind walking me through the steps a few times?", she whispers, her warm breath tickling his ear. Pleasant shivers run through Kaito's spine.

Kaito gets the message. His smile could call the Sun too dark as he replies, "I'd love to!"

Pulling the boy close into a hug, Maki stuffs a note in his pocket and plants a quick kiss on his cheek before walking back to her bike and the waiting Korekiyo. A few throaty revs and a hand signal from Maki later, the bikes all zoom away leaving only a small cloud of fumes and some skid marks behind.

Left alone in the parking lot, Kaito fishes out Maki's note and opens it, pumping his fist when he sees its contents - a phone number underlined twice, with the name 'Maki Roll' written next to it. The short message below simply reads 'Call me'.

Back at their headquarters, Korekiyo dares to ask Maki about the purple-haired nurse she seemed quite close to. Her only reply is a smile and "Someone I can tolerate being close to."

[modernart2012]

Grave Robbing for Fun and Profit (Mostly Profit)

@sumigakure ​ Halloween Event 2017

Bonus Prompt: Grave Robbing

Word Count: 14170

On AO3

Summary: Aka - Kagami may have lost the battle, but he will win the War.

Takes place in the same Universe as You remind me of (Home). Consider this the sequel that also ate my brain

Kagami bursts into the room, panicking at a decent Level 7. “Profess - FIRE GOD’S FLAMING BALLS MY EYES!” He recoils trying to erase what he had just seen from his retinas, but then remembers who is following just behind him. “MINION NO!!!! DON’T COME IN!!!!” Trying to cover his eyes and block Orochimaru’s eyes simultaneously was pretty hard, especially since Kagami isn’t precisely sure where Orochimaru is.

  Orochimaru pauses behind him somewhere, unfazed, “Kagami, I am best friends with Jiraiya. I have undoubtedly seen and heard worse.”

  Kagami doesn’t think that’s a valid defense. “No! Bad! Minors shouldn’t be exposed to these sorts of R rated things!” He bops Orochimaru on the nose like a particularly misbehaved puppy, and gets a startled look for his efforts. He’s going to regret that when his coffee is exchanged for decaf pumpkin spice - a vile monstrosity on all parts - tomorrow. Today. Whenever the next most convenient time/place was. Whatever, live fast die young and all that. Then he whirls back around to his cousin and his … actually what are they? Dating? Boyfriends? Lovers? Is this the right time to ask if they’ve DTR’d?  Wait, that isn’t the point, “Why were you doing that sort of thing in a place where anyone could just walk in on you?!”

  Cousin Madara makes a high pitched whine of horror and abject humiliation, and Professor Senju simply quirks an Eyebrow of Doom at them. “This is my private residence. The door was locked.” Kagami wants to frown disappointedly at Professor Senju - they’d known each other how many years now? A locked door means nothing.

  Orochimaru calls over from the bookshelf, “Kagami picked the lock.”

  Cousin Madara groans harder, covering his face with his hands. Tough luck, but it really didn’t do anything for his disheveled hair and half-unbuttoned shirt. Or Professor Senju’s missing shirt. Which, good job Cousin Madara, Professor Senju is fit. Would this be the time to send a Subtle and Discreet Thumbs Up? “Is there a particular reason you broke into my home at … 8:16 pm on a Saturday, Kagami?”

  Oh. Oh yeah. “I,” Orochimaru interrupts with a pointed cough, “- I mean we - fixed the issue with the Reanimation technique.” Both Cousin Madara and Professor Senju blanch simultaneously. Kagami hadn’t known either of them could go any paler. “Wait, no, we made it work on a dead dog. There are no supernatural zombies this time.”

  “This time?” Orochimaru perks up, interest piqued. Oh, Fire God’s balls.

  “NO. BAD MINION. NO SUPERNATURAL ZOMBIES FOR YOU.” Maybe Kagami should invest in a spray bottle. Properly training and socializing one’s minion is hard work. How did Professor Senju ever get him trained? He catches Orochimaru glaring at him with calculation in his eyes, turns his head and sees the exact same look on Professor Senju, as if both are contemplating the best way for him to die. He resolves to work on his death glare. Clearly that’s what he’s been doing wrong this whole time.

  “And this couldn’t have been a text message why?” Ah, there’s that throbbing vein in Professor Senju’s forehead. Kagami’s old friend.

  “Well, see, that’s a long story….”

  500,000 ryo, two favors of his choice, a house, and a left kidney (extraction pending) was the final pot that Cousin Izuna won. Plus a second date with Tōka Senju, though that might have been incidental to the actual bet if the way he was walking funny was anything to judge by. Kagami wonders where he had gone so wrong, to lose out on that much stuff. Did no one pity the young and their student debt? Cousin Izuna didn’t need that stuff, he had a job that paid well. Except the date with the Senju lady, he’d been starry-eyed long enough over her. Kagami is still holding out hope on a double wedding - tensions are still rampant with the Senju, so having a two-for-one wedding would limit the amount of dead bodies created. Unless it was Uncle Setsuna, in which case, fuck Uncle Setsuna.

  Cousin Hikaku is unimpressed. “Kagami. Please stop clutching my leg and crying in public. You’re scaring the children.” Kagami looks over at where Orochimaru and his friends are staring at him impassively over various forms of ice cream.

  Kagami considers for a moment, “They are minors.” Genius minors that were revolutionizing their chosen fields of study, but still minors. It still wasn’t enough to stop him from flopping pathetically over Cousin Hikaku’s lap. He had no shame, and Hikaku was the best for cuddling.

  Jiraiya blusters around his mint chocolate chip mouthful, “We’re 16, not idiots!” Tsunade ducks his wildly gesticulating spoon, calmly sipping at her milkshake.

  Orochimaru eyes Jiraiya skeptically, “Are we absolutely sure about this.” When Jiraiya chokes on his ice cream in his haste to disabuse Orochimaru of the statement, neither he nor Tsunade made a move to help.

  “Aren’t you studying to be a doctor?” Kagami asks Tsunade distractedly. He didn’t know people could actually turn that color. Maybe he should take pictures? Jiraiya might want to know, he is a writer and he needs descriptions.

  “The Medic’s Oath only applies to those who are your patients. Jiraiya is not.” Over the sound of Jiraiya coughing, Tsunade adds, “Besides, he’s coughing. He can breathe.” With a move that spoke of years of practice, she punches his breathing back into normal pattern. “Are you finished having your pity party over losing one portion of the betting pool? I want to know so I can decide if I need to get another milkshake or not.”

  Kagami slumps over. “No, I’m done.” The youth were so jaded and cynical these days! Where were their hearts? Their sympathy for their fellow struggling humans?

  Cousin Hikaku decides that he’s going to be nice for a moment and scritches Kagami’s head like he did when they were little. Long suffering and patient. “There there, Kagami.” It felt good where his hair was still growing back in after having it burned off by Cousin Madara - who knew Cousin Madara had such excellent aim even without being able to see? Luckily he had been in a hospital already.

  “What’s the big deal about having debts anyways?” Orochimaru asks. Jiraiya and Tsunade nod, because genius and young meant that they had caboodles of money falling out of the sky into their laps for their achievements. “You just have to make something and patent it and you get money for it and pay off the debt.”

  “Says the Baby Experimental and Theoretical Magician Who’s Already Famous for Their Experimental Magic, the Kabillion-times Awarded Writer Renowned Throughout the Elemental Nations and Has People Falling Over Themselves to Buy Their Books, and the Medic Who’s Already Revolutionized the Medical Field Plus Invented New Magical Technology.” Kagami accuses. “The most groundbreaking thing I’ve worked on is already owned! By the military. A little to the left Cousin Hikaku, ah, right there. Perfect.”

  “It’s kind of scary, but you really can hear the capitals,” Tsunade muses. Orochimaru nods once in agreement. Jiraiya looks intrigued.

  “You know, this is giving me all sorts of ideas for my next novel,” Jiraiya comments over the edge of his notebook. “Kagami, would you say you’re feeling pampered and well-cared for?” He thinks for a moment, “Actually, would you say that you’d call Mr. Hikaku ‘Big Brother’ or ‘Master’ in this situation? Or is this more ‘Peon/Servant’ like?”

  Tsunade and Orochimaru exchange speaking looks, then Tsunade punches Jiraiya in the head. Kagami blinks blankly. Come to think of it, what kind of books did Jiraiya even write?

  “It doesn’t matter, the project is a dud for want of control of the subject.” Kagami groans into Hikaku thigh. They’re very comfortable, unlike Cousin Mikoto who apparently has never heard of skipping leg day and has thighs that could crush a man’s skull. Then the Idea hits him. “Wait! THAT’S IT! I just need to invent and patent a fool-proof control seal, then when the Man wants it I can name my price!” He grabs Orochimaru, “COME MINION! LET US AWAY!” He’s a good Mentor, so he makes sure Orochimaru has his ice cream cone and napkins before he drags him away. Rule One of Minion Keeping: Take Care of Thy Minion.

  As he dashes out of the ice cream parlor, he faintly hears: “Hey, Mr. Hikaku, how much is the minimum amount to place a bet in the betting pool?”

  “Tsunade-hime, no.” Jiraiya moans in despair.

  “Tsunade yes.” Kagami feels the fingers of the Lady of Death wrap around his coffin and shivers, but Experimental Magic waits for no man and he forges on.

  Kagami pauses as he hears a stomach growl. “Minion, why didn’t you say you were hungry?! This is unacceptable. Professor, I’m pressgang-ing your kitchen. Come along Baby Snake.” He marches confidently out of the room, because his cousin’s whatever’s house was his house too and all that.

  Cousin Madara splutters, “Kagami you can’t just tell people you’re taking over their kitchen.” Because Cousin Madara didn’t do the same regularly. The hypocrite. Besides, Kagami needs to know how Professor Senju keeps his kitchen before he gives Cousin Madara his blessing. Kitchens tell you a lot about a person, after all, and it wouldn’t do to have a kitchen heathen in the family.

  Professor Senju looks at his - whatever - in askance, “Is that the only issue you with that?”

  Cousin Madara shrugs, “It’s Kagami,” as if that explained everything. Which, maybe it did but that’s because he’s sensible and everyone else around him is slightly insane.

  Orochimaru seems to concur, “We had ice cream for breakfast yesterday because Kagami said he needed to eat his feels and it’s proven to be good for mental health.” Still he gets up and follows Kagami like a good minion, and receives a piece of candy for good behavior. Cousin Madara and Professor Senju trail behind looking perturbed. Whatever, they just don’t get his genius.

  He sets the dishes in the sink to cleaning as he pokes around for ingredients, because 1) eww, who wants to have to do dishes on date night?, 2) he’s pretty sure he’s going to need that spatula because Orochimaru likes eggs, and 3) it take less than a thought, so why not. “Professor Senju, where do you keep the rice?” Omelette rice was simple and tasty, but he’d been practicing making egg curry rice balls and he needed guinea pigs to taste it before unleashing it on the unsuspecting masses that was the grad student lunch-luck. He was going to beat out that asshole Inuzuka in the Medical Pharmacology department if it was the last thing he did in graduate school. Choices choices.

  Professor Senju ignores him in favor of asking, “Is this like the House Thing?” Oooh, fresh tomatoes. Curry it is.

  Cousin Madara nods while Orochimaru looks up from where he’s perched on the counter petting his snake, “What House Thing?” Then he pauses and corrects, “I don’t want to know if it’s something kinky.” Kagami passes him another candy. Good behavior must be rewarded. Cousin Madara makes a dying noise and collapses into a chair.

  “That doesn’t matter, you heard Tsunade make a outrageous bet and didn’t think twice about your course of action?” Professor Senju asks while pinching the bridge of his nose. He’s somehow managed to procure a shirt, boooo.

  Orochimaru speaks around his mouthful of candy. “To be fair, Tsunade is usually wrong.” She usually is - there was a reason all the local bookies were fighting over if it were fair to tell people what she had bet on. It tended to drive up business, but people tended to win more, so it’s pretty much an even split as to opinions.

  “Before we go any further, do we really need to know anything that transpired in the last 24 hours?” Cousin Madara sounds pained. Maybe he’s eaten something that doesn’t agree with him? Kagami isn’t surprised, the man likes his spice with extra spice and that’s not easy on the stomach.

  Kagami sets the rice to cook and pulls out the first of the (frankly lacking) vegetables to be chopped. “Well, yes, mostly because I’m pretty sure the military and international police are hunting for us.” At least one, possibly two, but that wasn’t important, really.

  Kagami is pretty sure Cousin Madara is praying for a lightning bolt to kill him dead right now. Someone really ought to keep an eye on that, praying to die is probably a sign of depression and/or suicidal thoughts.

    “Kagami, why are we breaking into the Restricted Archives.” Orochimaru nods and smiles at the librarian at the desk, because he’s somehow gotten in good with them and Kagami would like to note it’s entirely suspect because his minion routinely fails Socialization 101 so him being in good with anyone is questionable.

  “We’re not breaking in.” Kagami protested as he scanned his universal access card that he had copied from the Dean’s Office. “We have an appropriate pass and everything! And it’s broad daylight!” Nothing illicit happened in broad daylight.

  “A pass the administration doesn’t know you have and that I would stake my third undergraduate degree on you having obtained through less than legitimate means,” Orochimaru points out.  Kagami pretends to not notice as Orochimaru subtly picks his pocket and clones the pass on his phone. Of course his minion wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to have access to knowledge!

  “Baby Snake, have I ever led you astray?” Kagami leads the way down the long aisles of books, looking for the shelves with the advanced and forbidden sealing techniques. There was some book about mind control seals, something from the heyday of sealing in Uzu no Kuni. Kagami had seen it before, back when he had been packmule-ing texts for Professor Senju.  

  He walks confidently down the corridor to the rotunda where the shelves started.Forbidden fire magics, forbidden earth magics, forbidden water magics (oooh, Kagami would have to remember that there is a text on torture methods, that one’s new), forbidden air magics, forbidden nature transformations, forbidden bukijutsu (weren’t all bukijutsu forbidden?). They should be getting close, sealing was usually hidden deeper in the vault of libraries, where the wards were older, stronger, and more sensitive to intruders trying to forcibly break through.

“Kagami, you regularly get lost. Do you really want me to answer that?”

  Kagami swears the quality of minion has gone down since his day. That’s it, Orochimaru gets to re-calibrate the micro pipettes, no wet bench experiments for him. “Ah, here we go.” Finally the right shelf. A quick perusal of the titles gained nothing significant, so Kagami takes the most promising titles and then dumped the less promising ones on Orochimaru. “To the research tables!”

  Four hours of scribbling notes and painstakingly copying seal matrix elements later, they had exhausted the texts they had claimed and started in on round two. Upside, Kagami is pretty sure he could pass any pop quiz Professor Uzumaki gives on sealing and it’s theory in that moment; downside is that he’s running low on candy to bribe the minion with. He stares moodily at the latest betrayal: the right text (finally!) but one written in code. “If this ends up being a puzzle like in Full Metal Alchemist, I’m going to invent time travel just to go back in time to punch the author,” Kagami informs Orochimaru.

  At the blank look he gets in response, he fears the worst. Then, “Wouldn’t you rather use time travel for something … more humanitarian? Like, ending wars before they started?”

  “And jeopardize my own existence? I think not.” Honestly, did Orochimaru think he was born yesterday? Kagami has a healthy appreciation of the Grandfather Paradox. What if he were to end up with multiple Uncle Setsunas? He’d have to go to jail for pre-mediated multiple homicide, no matter that he’d be doing the world a service. Objectively, it’s not worth it.

  Orochimaru considers Kagami thoughtfully before nodding, “Fair enough.” Then, with slightly too much magic, he twisted air and lightning-flavored-fire together and the air was awash with books flipping through their pages madly, pausing open on certain pages. A second twist, this time water via a snake hand seal and the blank loose leaf surrounding them began to fill with information. As soon as the information from each paused upon page was noted, and the rest of the book checked for relevance, the books returned to their places on the shelves.

  Kagami had to admit it was a neat use of magic, but also, “Are you trying to blow us all up? Air and fire together is liable to cause an inferno! Channeling water through a primarily earth magic hand seal? It could have exploded the entirety of the University! Where would you get such an idea from anyways?” He keeps thwacking Orochimaru over the head until he steps out of range.

  Orochimaru rubs the back of his head where Kagami had whacked him petulantly, “Professor Sarutobi’s done it before.”

  “Professor Sarutobi has practiced in a controlled environment, with more hand seals until he could do his spell with only a few hand signs, and not just experimented on the fly. And don’t try to tell me that you didn’t just make up those spells just now.” At least Orochimaru has the sense to look guilty. “Seriously! You’re a genius, did you not think that through at all? Just… don’t do it again. Get the notes and let’s see what we have.”

  What they have is a hot mess. Not even the fun kind of hot mess. Time for trial and error then. “Grab your tablet, we’re going to have to test seal matrices.” Thank the Four for Professor Uzumaki developing a seal and ward prediction app. Draw in your proposed seal or ward, and it would spit out what it would do. No more explosions in the Sealing and Wards department! The only downside is the drawing - Kagami isn’t in the Sealing and Ward department for a reason. Glancing over at Orochimaru’s chicken scratch, it’s clear that there is a good reason he isn’t either. It was going to be a long day.

  “Actually, wouldn’t it just be easier to scry for the right elements?” Orochimaru, that sly bastard. “I mean, we should have enough moon-harvested water around, and we have a thrice-mirrored bowl?” Kagami waits patiently for the answer to become obvious - there’s a good reason they can’t use scrying here and it would compute in 3, 2, 1 … “Oh, the symbols.”

  “Exactly. Premontionary and Clairvoyant magic is a lost magic for a reason, and it isn’t because we can’t do it. We just can’t focus in on when or what we want to see.” Kagami chews his lower lip in concentration; the whorls of the external enclosing planes had to be precise for energy direction. Would an earth based element as a part of the directory pathways help or hinder the process? Air elements wouldn’t be right, they weren’t look for knowledge, they wanted mind control which was as opposite of knowledge that they could get, but water’s malleability conflicts with earth and it’d become a muddled mess.

  It was an unfortunate shortcoming, but the application wouldn’t, or rather couldn’t tell you where you went wrong. Just that the seal didn’t work, or that the energy pathways ruptured, or memorably, with one frustrated scribble, death and destruction to the bonds between molecules. From that point, things rapidly devolve as their eyes begin to blur with strain. They had created a 13th brand new variant of explosive seals - really, they’re easier to make than anyone wants the average person to believe - when the latest seal matrix is announced to probably have mind control properties. Kagami nearly drops the tablet in shock. “Holy Fire God’s blessed ashes. We did it!”

  Orochimaru catches the tablet when Kagami finally finishes fumbling it around. “It only says ‘probably’, though.”

  Kagami doesn’t stop dancing in celebration, “It’s good enough for a test! To the graveyard!” He moonwalks to the door and is halfway down the hallway before realizing. “Wait! Save that seal,and the rest, and print out like seven copies of each on seal paper. Plus the Reanimation seal! Let’s test the lot!”

  It wasn’t a long trek to the graveyard, but they’d stopped to pick up lunch and snacks, plus water bottles and a bag because who knows how long it’d take to get through all of these seals. Proper hydration and feed was the undisputed key to excellent research, everyone knew that. It was also around lunchtime and research did not wait for growling stomachs.

  Then they realized that it was an exotic pet cemetery and no one really needed a tiger on the loose on the off chance that the seal failed to work and had to go to the opposite end of town for the regular pet cemetery attached to the regular human graveyard way in the back.

  “This one seems promising!” The headstone read “Spot”, and that was a normal pet name. Easy enough, really. Probably a dog, maybe a rabbit if someone had a rabbit with a spot -

  “It’s a cat.” Orochimaru boggles from where he’s prized off the top of the casket. “This is ‘Spot’?”

  “Now now, minion, we can’t judge people on their naming sense. Afterall, ‘Spot’ is a human name too.” And he had always wondered what had happened that Uncle Tajima had agreed to that name. Aunt Akane really must have put the fear of the Four into him….

  Kagami shakes himself out of his spiral of thinking when he hears the crunching of gravel. “Quick, hide,” he hisses at Orochimaru, then scrambles into the bushes. Grave robbing is a crime still, no matter that this is in the name of Experimental and Theoretical Magic, and Kagami would like to not go to jail, thank you.

  Two figures in dark cloaks trudge up the path carrying flowers. Small Lords of Ash and Smoke, please let them not pause at the dug up grave please let them not pause at the dug up grave pleasepleaseplease - The figures stop in front of the dug up grave. Fuck the Water God’s sacred duck.

  “What’s happened to Madara?” The tall one with the face cloth cries, part horror and part vengeance-will-be-mine. He drops to his knees in the mess, sifting through the dirt and grass pensively. After a long moment, “They can’t have left too long ago, Hidan. The soil is still freshly overturned.”

  Kagami and Orochimaru exchange looks and in an unparalleled instance of reading each other’s minds sprang into action simultaneously. Orochimaru sprints in the opposite direction while Kagami leaps out and blows the strongest fire spell he can muster into the face of the two men.

That should take care of that - “Flame of the Fire God!” A scythe rips through the fire ball, closely followed by the bare-faced man, Hidan, who looks remarkably undamaged for having taken a fire ball point blank.

  Kagami makes the executive decision to run. He’s halfway back to his car, dodging sweeps of the scythe and vaulting over headstones, to where he hopes Orochimaru has gotten in and started the engine, when he feels a solid thwack to his skull and the world goes dark.

    Cousin Madara groans from where he’s watching tomatoes stew down on the stove, poking at the mass warily, “Every time I think this can’t possibly get any worse, it does. First with the breaking and entering, then the grave robbing, and now kidnappers.” He points the wooden spoon that’s been stirring the sauce in Kagami’s face. “You are never allowed out without supervision again. Ever.”

  Kagami pouts, “Excuse you, but you’re not the boss of me.” He sticks his tongue out for added effect.

  Professor Senju had pulled out a cooling compress around the time they got to the graveyard, and lifted the corner that was just over his eyes. “You did say ‘Hidan’ correct? Was he by chance with a man named Kazuku?”

  Orochimaru perks up from where he’s been patiently shelling field peas, “Do you know them Professor?”

  Professor Senju pauses, then states baldly, “Kazuku tried to kill me and Brother once.”

  He replaces the cloth just in time to miss Cousin Madara whirls around, “When was this?!” Tomato sauce flies off the spoon as Cousin Madara gesticulates frantically. Kagami really hopes it won’t stain the pale Iron blue Professor Senju had painted his kitchen. Even if it was mostly for show.

  Then the thought occurs to him, “Ah, to be fair, they were more like jacks-of-all-trade rather than just kidnappers? They did ransoms, sacrifices, assassinations, bounty hunting, serial killing/mass murder - what’s the difference by the way? - plus or minus some contract killing, but that could be the same as assassination. And odds jobs, as long as they paid.”

  It’s like a record had jumped and scratched. Professor Senju and Cousin Madara exchange a Look, and how sweet, they’re at the stage where they could hold entire conversations with their eyes! Practically married! “And how did you come by this information?” Professor Senju queries calmly and carefully.

  Orochimaru answers from where he’s digging his snake out of the pea shells, “Oh, we talked to them.”

    Contrary to what the movies would have you believe, getting knocked unconscious tended to be traumatic and leave one with a ringing in the ears and a throbbing in the skull. Unfortunately, the lack of light in what appeared to be a car trunk meant Orochimaru wasn’t able to check him from concussion, and the lack of room meant neither of them could risk a small flame to see either. As it was, someone had disabled the emergency escape latch in the trunk so rolling out and getting to a medical facility was completely out of the question. Or so Orochimaru tells him, Kagami is a little too nauseous to check for himself. The bouncing of the car tells him they’re not on asphalt, more likely gravel or one of the many forest roads that are covered in rocks and tree roots. Either one is not a good sign - neither of those are features of roads anywhere near the University.

  Telling Orochimaru that would do no good; Frightening the Minion is Not to Be Borne. So instead Kagami announces with as much dignity as he can muster laying on his side curled into the fetal position. “I think I am going to vomit.”

  The car comes to a screeching halt. “Oh, fucking no you don’t! I just got the Chariot of Fucking Destruction detailed!” Ah, the dulcet tones of yelling. They don’t help Kagami’s swimming head, or the building roiling of his gut.

  Which is how Kagami projectile vomits all over Scythe Dude when he yanks open the trunk. He flops over the rear bumper and moans pitifully. He wants ice like burning and the cloud-blanket Cousin Izuna had knit him that felt like a hug when he snuggles in. And his mom to pet his head like she did when he was little. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it?

  Apparently so, because he gets hoisted up into a fireman carry by Mr. Strong Arms and - Holy Fire God he has muscles. ”Do your workouts work out?” He squeezes the bit of bicep he can reach, and pokes at the trapezius on his other side. The robe gets in the way a bit, but thank the Four for partial nudists!

  Orochimaru follows sedately behind. “I apologize in advance for Kagami.”

  The Veil-Face nods sympathetically, “I as well; Hidan always uses too much force.”

  Orochimaru extends a pale hand, “Orochimaru. I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you but - ”

  “Kazuku. Don’t worry about it, we’re consummate professionals. We will ensure that this is as painless as possible so you are inclined to leave a positive review about your experience.” The handshake they exchange is firm and cordial. Kagami thinks he needs to set up a module on Kidnapping 101. This is most probably not the proper thing to do when kidnapped. Professor Senju never had to give him that lesson; he can’t even trawl through Professor Senju’s archives for help. He moans, he doesn’t want to have to create a new Power Point, they take forever and what does he even say? If the University finds another incident of suspicious search history….

  “Oi! If you puke on me again I’m sacrificing you to Jashin-sama!” Hidan barks over his shoulder, apparently concerned by the pitiful sounds Kagami is making.

  Kagami thinks about it for a moment, over the murmur of conversation Orochimaru and Kazuku discussing … immortality and magic natures, or something like that? … before going for broke, “Who’s Jashin-sama?”

  He takes Kazuku’s, “Lady of Death preserve me in eternal life,” at face value. There’s only a select few people who would ever call on the Lady of Death and only the movies would have you believe they’re all crazy, much more likely he’s a follower of the Lady of Death. Weird, but much more plausible. Immortality was myth and legend, and not even a Lost Art myth or legend; at least those had some evidence towards being real and replicable.

  “Jashin-sama is a great and benevolent God, heathen! Take a page from this wretched soul and listen to the word of Jashin! Maybe you’ll be saved!” Hidan crouches to let Kagami down at the base of a tree, and then gestures at Orochimaru to get himself over there too. Then he starts rummaging through his pockets, apparently that cloak had a lot, and deep ones too. Kagami’s impressed, he’ll have to ask after the make and model and get himself one. It seemed useful, like a lab coat only socially acceptable to wear outside of lab.

  Kazuku sighs heavily, before stating blandly, “If either of you have people willing to pay ransoms for your safe return, and/or pay for repairs to Spot’s grave, speak now.”

  Orochimaru eyes Kagami speculatively, before taking the proffered call phone and dialing. “Professor Sarutobi? I’ve been kidnapped. So has Kagami. Yes, Kagami Uchiha. Please comply with our kidnappers requests.” Orochimaru listens intently, nodding to whatever Hiruzen says, before handing the phone back to Kazuku.

  Kagami can feel the disappointment from Hiruzen already. He’d bet last night’s authentic Uzu ramen that he’s going to be lectured at the next faculty meeting. He’ll have to bring a discreet snack, Hiruzen tended towards long-winded and unnecessarily complicated explanations and lectures that were probably best delivered in vernacular rather than high-brow concepts and metaphors. Where he even picked up that tendency was anyone’s guess, Professor Senju was concise and to the point and definitely was not a dick about things like Hiruzen. Maybe if he threw a glove to issue a challenge? Kagami could take Hiruzen in hand-to-hand combat. He only had nitrile gloves though, did that even count?

  “Aha! Found it!” Hidan bellows in triumph, breaking Kagami from his stupor. “Time to enlighten you heathens to the truth, to Jashin-sama!” He unfolds a small booklet, before straightening his spine to pronounce with gravity, “Tenet the first: Everything is destined for utter destruction.”

  “Makes sense, the second law of thermodynamics.” At Hidan’s blank look, Kagami expands, “You know, entropy? Everything is in a constant state of decay, everything in the universe is on track to be completely destroyed? Everything tends towards destruction? It’s basic physics!”

  Hidan looks conflicted, “Your heathen science has somehow found the truth, yet is still heathen and ought to be rejected.”

  Kagami crosses his arms, “You can think of it that way, or you can think of it as science being the explanation for the Unknown Mysteries of the Universe. ‘A Search is what They have wrought for length, and depth, and wideness.’”

  A series of thoughtful nods, then Hidan clears his throat. Kazuku reappears from between the trees, phone call over. Orochimaru asks him conversationally, “So, what is it that you do?”

  Hidan continues, “Tenet the Second: To wreak Destruction upon everything is the highest calling. Anything less is a sin. Tenet the Third: Discard those who fear death, for there is nothing more holy than the end. Death is the absence of fear. Tenet the Fourth: Those who undergo the mystic rituals will find immortal life by the will of Jashin-sama.” He pauses, then, “Remember these tenets, because they will be the core of your life henceforth! You, once you have accepted Jashin-sama and the teachings of Jashinism, will live and die by these fundamental truths.”  

  Kazuku looks up from his notebook and calculator, apparently tabulating something, “We do a bit of this and that. Whatever pays most at the time, kidnapping, ransom, contract killing, bounty hunting. Odd jobs, as necessary. Keeps the bank account flush.”

  Hidan spits, sidetracked, “Of fucking course, because this heathen piece of shit only worships money. He’s killed monks and destroyed temples for money. Blasphemous motherfucker, sold out his own country for a quick buck.”

  Kagami would like to point out the obvious, but it might not be a good time. Considering that Hidan pulls out his scythe - which, on second look, is really impractical, given that it has three blades on the same side, meaning that unless one uses it in a primarily overhand chopping manner only one blade is ever going to do the cutting - and Kazuku is queuing up magic like it’s a Magic combat tournament championship. “Are you going to sacrifice me to your Jashin-sama? Without praying? Am I neighborly enough to qualify for killing, Hidan?”

  And now would be the time to duck for cover. Because Kagami hasn’t heard that level of vitriol and barely leashed rage since the time someone made a sexist remark about women in front of Koharu. He’s willing to stake his life on the fact that they’re about to see a similar level of beat down, with the same exact sum number of witnesses: none. “Minion, move.” He pushes at Orochimaru’s shoulder with as much this-is-imperative-listen-to-me desperation as he can muster, because they are both in danger of dying and -

“Fucking rot in Hell.” Before Kagami can react- even think about shielding Orochimaru from what’s coming, because he’s too young to see something like murder - Kazuku’s neck is severed. Blood gushes forth, and then thousands of thin black threads that quickly attach Kazuku’s head with no other apparent damage beyond the new set of stitches to his throat. It is easily one of the most horrifying yet fascinating things Kagami has ever seen.

  “Fire God’s Eternal Flame.” Kagami can’t stop replaying the scene he saw over and over and over in his head. Orochimaru is the only thing holding him upright; his bones have turned from jelly to water. There’s no way - Kazuku moves lightning quick, or must’ve, because the next thing Kagami can see is that Kazuku’s fist is through Hidan’s chest. Hidan only laughs maniacally.

  “Like that sort of thing can kill me fuckwit.” The scythe swings down and slices through Kazuku’s arm for long enough that Hidan slides straight off the end of his arm. The gaping absence in the middle of his chest starts to close over before their eyes. Right. Immortality. Damnation of sulphur and ash.

  Luckily, the duo seems well matched in terms of ability and wholly focused on trying to murderize each other. “Orochimaru. Tell me you got the keys?” Kagami whispers lowly as they stumble blindly through the woods. Every now and again the sound of a massive collision roars by, tinged with different magic types equally. Monsters, the both of them.

  A cloud of dust and high-speed wind has them ducking behind one of the massive trees that Hi no Kuni is known for. It adds a new level to the ringing in his ears. Kagami wants to blame his still throbbing head, but he would swear that they’re not getting any farther from where the immortals are duking it out. “Come on Kagami, only 500 meters to the car, we can make it.” Orochimaru, such a good minion, being supportive… and supportive, given the fact that Kagami’s arm is around Orochimaru’s neck and the teen is half carrying him since his legs are failing to support him properly without assistance. Once Kagami got a chance, he was going to promote Orochimaru to Head Minion. Maybe Chief Lab Assistant. Definitely put him up for the “Best Minion Award” at the next departmental grad student meeting.

  The crack of a twig that didn’t come from their footfalls first alerts them that there is something else out there that isn’t just them and the still clashing monsters wreaking havoc across the landscape. There were red laser dots flitting across the tree trunks, but that was probably a hallucination - Kagami really needs to get his head checked out. “Shit.” And Orochimaru is cursing. Since the last last time Kagami had ever heard a curse exit Orochimaru’s mouth was after he paralyzed his arms, he’s suitably alarmed.

  Orochimaru picks up his pace, moving diagonally to flank the dancing dots. They’ve nearly gotten behind the shadowy figures gliding through the dappled shadows and dust clouds when a low and dangerous growl starts up behind them. “I would stop moving if I were you.”

  “Would this person happen to have white hair? In a completely non-regulation ponytail? Scary, but nice scary? Younger than Kagami but Older than Orochimaru?”

  “Uh, he had a wolf?” Really that was the most memorable thing about him. That thing was clearly suffering from gigantism, or whatever the canid version of Marfan’s Syndrome is. If it even was a regular canid and not some beast of myth and legend. Kagami got a hair sample. Just to be sure. Who knows, maybe Celestials and Spirits had DNA like normal mortal creatures. “Do you prefer vinegar and sugar rice, or just plain rice in your rice balls.”

  “This explains why I got a phone call about someone who looks like an Uchiha cavorting with known criminals and fleeing from the military.” Cousin Madara looks conflicted, then passes the vinegar and sugar. Kagami would have to be sure to add extra spice to the curry to balance it out then.

  “And you didn’t expect Kagami?” Thanks Professor Senju, Kagami’ll be sure to give him a rice ball with all the pickled plum. He didn’t get into trouble that often, and most of his family are employed in law enforcement.

  “Look, you try meeting the Wild Hunt and not fleeing. I have things to achieve and they all start with no getting scooped by the Fair Folk and spending eternity hunting things down. Or being hunted. Or being eaten. ” Kagami grumbles, then floats over a mug of coffee. Going 24 hours without the nectar of the Gods is pushing it, okay. He needs his fix.

  Cousin Madara makes a pinched face. Kagami adds a pinch of asafoetida, anise, and turmeric to the curry - indigestion and constipation is normally the cause of faces like that. “Sakumo Hatake isn’t Fae.” Shows what Cousin Madara knows.

  Orochimaru protests, “He had a massive wolf! That’s not normal for humans.” What’s left unsaid is that it’s normal in the stories for Wild Hunt to have large predator companions. Like massive wolves. That thing was easily the size of a bear. Not a small bear either, like a bear on steroids. Some Princess Mononoke animal shit.

  Kagami agrees, “Definitely a Heavenly Dog.” To add more garlic or more soy? He leans over to proffer a spoon to Professor Senju - whatever he says, the opposite. Unless he says it’s fine in which case both, plus chilies. Kagami’s sure he saw a dried Ghost Pepper in the spice cupboard…

  “Fuzzy isn’t a Heavenly Dog.” the statement is bald and matter-of-fact, but what does Cousin Madara know? It’s amazingly clear Cousin Madara knows nothing. Then Cousin Madara stops to think, as if reviewing the conversation because something’s not adding up. “Why would you even think that the military was the Wild Hunt?”

  Kagami is too busy trying to wrestle the soy sauce bottle away from Professor Senju’s control, Fire God’s Flame he was strong, so Orochimaru answers instead. “Immortals are a thing. Who knows what else is out there?” He pauses to consider, then, “But since you know the white-haired Fae, please apologize for us about the screaming. And running. And the fire. There was a lot of fire.”  Oh look, Cousin Madara can look even more horrified. Kagami should take a picture for the databook.

    Kagami would like to contend neither he nor Orochimaru screamed shrilly like small children. They scream like terrified grown adults, thank you very much. Even if the response is confused whining and pained distress on the part of the wolf and a startled look on the Fae’s.

  Granted, Kagami’s automatic response is to punch the human-looking one in the face. It’s sloppy, and Kagami resolves to return to the dojo with Cousin Madara and Cousin Izuna because apparently just being in academia does not mean that he’s exempt from needing to throw punches.

  Though, since it lands and has the Fae stumble back in surprise, Kagami will take it. He feels the cold-prickle-shhhh-shiver of Orochimaru’s magic, and ducks on instinct. He’s not surprised when a blast of fire flies over him, or the yelp of both Fae creatures as they scramble away from the flame. Idly, Kagami notes it’s blue, but then he’s too busy running in the opposite direction to note much more.

  Neither he nor Orochimaru are concerned by stealth anymore; clearly the jig is up and was always up since, you know, Wild Hunt. There is but one choice, and only one: to go sprinting through the underbrush at top speed (or rather, at a fast stumble) and keep firing the most destructive magic they know at whomever crosses their path and dodging the magic sent their way, plus or minus Heavenly Dog. Heavenly Wolf. Whatever. It’s not like they need to worry about  permanently hurting anyone they come across, since one group is immortal and the other is … immortal. Huh. Tonight has been wild on the things Kagami thought he knew for a fact. Maybe he should have Orochimaru research immortality for his senior thesis….

  Orochimaru pulls them both into the boughs of a particularly ancient oak with a fancy twist of air magic, bringing them safely out of the reach of snapping wolf jaws. “We’re - ,” there’s a crackle of lightning and Kagami tackles Orochimaru flat to the wood as the bolt flies through where their heads had last been. “We’re not good, Four Almighty.”

  Orochimaru snarls as lightning strikes the tree proper and shakes it violently. “Kagami, hold still.” He startles then feels the distinct feel of cold-prickle-shhh-shiver and his headache alleviating. Ooooh, healing magic. Magic fingers.Kagami could sigh with relief.

  “When did you learn healing magic?”

  “One of my closest friends is a prodigy healer. Where do you think?” Right, pissed off Orochimaru is snarky. Must remember. Kagami isn’t going to complain, because his head feels clearer than after a 4 coffee morning and it’s a minor miracle. He opens his mouth, only to be cut off, “No I will not be doing this regularly. Deal with your caffeine addiction like a normal person.”  then Orochimaru launches into a complex series of hand seals and Kagami takes that as his cue to be cute and distracting.

  “Hey~, Mr. Wild Hunt. Are you looking for little old me?” He calls innocently into the shadowy forest. “Wolfy?” Kagami almost misses the nearly silent exhale Wolfy breathes next to his ear, but does manage to stick his hand in Wolfy’s mouth just in time to feel it so it all works out anyways. He never knew that such a massive, powerful animal could look so startled, but then again, Kagami is also technically a member of an apex predator species and he’s definitely surprised to find his hand in a mouth unexpectedly. They make awkward eye contact, and carefully Kagami extracts his hand from Wolfy’s mouth. “Let’s never speak of this again,” he intones solemnly, and he’d swear Wolfy agrees.

  The forest around them rings with the sound of spells and shouting, but the bubble around the two of them is uncomfortably silent. Kagami likes to think they’re each trying to figure out where to go from here, because what does one do after they stick their hand in someone else’s mouth without prior consent? Is there some protocol after removing one’s hand? He’s probably already missed his window to apologize, and now the situation is stuck.

  Kagami’s about to ask how Wolfy’s finding the weather when he’s saved by Hidan and Kazuku bursting through the tree-line in a flurry of scythe and magic, swiftly followed by the Wild Hunt wielding guns and military-grade spells. It takes some creative dodging of what looks like a particularly well-executed evisceration magic, ducking of a three bladed scythe, and fleeing-for-his-life-ing of bullets - which, huh, Wild Hunt must have gone modern, who would’ve thunk it - to get away. For a given value of “get away”, since he’s muddy, covered in leaf litter, being chased by a massive wolf (though, Wolfy seems to be playing with Kagami and trying to eat Hidan and/or Kazuku, and that’s a small comfort really), the Wild Hunt (also aiming to kill Hidan and/or Kazaku, whomever’s more open), and Hidan and Kazuku (one of whom is bellowing about sacrificing Kagami to Jashin-sama to free him from his irrational fear of death, and the other of whom is hissing about Kagami being necessary for getting the ransom). This is also discounting the various tree roots, rocks, and …other things Kagami bolts over. The less noted about those the better.

  He’s about to dart over a river-creek-moving body of water thing when he sees shapes surface from the middle of the river. Fire God’s Fury, weren’t Fae supposed to be unable to cross running water? Or was Kagami confusing them with the undead? In any case it didn’t matter, because Orochimaru finally finished his overly-complex set of hand seals and the world turned to smoke and ash and roaring flames as far as the eye could see.

  Not that it seems to bother the water Fae. Kagami flails and backtracks back towards the chaos of the pursuing vanguard since he has no burning desire to experience the hospitality of the Fae now or ever. Running for so long has left him a little winded, but hey, there’s nothing like getting in a bit of adrenaline-fueled cardio in the afternoon. Plus the leaping, evading, sending spells blasting off in every which direction, and avoiding the general mayhem is easier said than done, even if the Wild Hunt are doing their level best not to hit him. Or hit Wolfy, who’s been following him like a cat playing with a mouse, and Kagami feels especially hunted - Wolfy seems to be herding him, but that can’t be right because wolves are not sheepdogs. Really, all the near-misses of nipping and circling is unnecessary. Can’t he just run for his life in peace? Is that too much to ask?

  Apparently so, because he’s just ducked Hidan’s electrically-sparking scythe - no clue if that’s because it’s actually electric or simply electrically-conductive - and managed to stumble his way out of the firefight with minimal physical damage. His magic pools are running low- he’s not a monster like Cousin Madara or Professor Senju - but that’s okay because that will fix itself with enough time and rest. And then he rests his eyes on what is possibly the most horrific sight today. This time his shriek is shrill. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

  Orochimaru perks up from where he’s pinning a very twitchy white-haired Fae to the trunk of a tree. “Oh good, you’re here.”  Still, he makes no move to release the Fae and Kagami curses whatever God decided that he needed a Minion like this.

  The Fae makes desperate eye contact while trying to maintain the maximum amount of distance between himself and Orochimaru, “Please get him off of me.” That was clearly begging. An extremely powerful Fae is begging.

  “But I haven’t finished seducing you.” Orochimaru purrs. Even worse then Kagami initially suspected. Wolfy begins to sidle away with a confused whine but stops and whines even harder, ears flat, clearly conflicted. Kagami is similarly conflicted, since on the one hand, this is horrifying beyond all reason and is completely inappropriate, yet on the other hand he wants to claw his eyes out and unsee this scene with prejudice. Unfortunately, there is only one correct answer.

  “Four Almighty, this is sexual harassment. This is so much sexual harassment.” Kagami fists his hand in Orochimaru’s collar and pulls him off the Fae. “I’m so sorry about this, I promise he was raised better than this.” Then to Orochimaru as Kagami shakes him, “What in the Twelve Hells possessed you to think that was okay?” The Fae looks traumatized - Kagami hadn’t known you could traumatize ageless beings who hunted people down in various gruesome ways for fun; he really hoped there wouldn’t be a complaint lodged with HR at the University. Given his luck, there would be.

  Orochimaru looks unrepentant, “But it worked! It bought just enough time for you to come without him messing with the seal.”

  “That doesn’t make it better!” Then Orochimaru’s response processes, and then Kagami has to double check that he heard that correctly. Suspicion colors his tone, “What seal.” It does not escape his notice that the Fae and Wolfy are sidestepping away as if they’re both insane and liable to go bonkers at any moment. He can’t decide if that’s good or bad - on the one hand, they’re too insane for the Wild Hunt, on the other, they’re too insane for the Wild Hunt. Kagami clearly needs to rethink his life choices.

  Orochimaru beams, “This one!” Then there’s a massive burst of magic and the world turns into a whirling light tunnel.

    “There are so many things I want to say, I have no idea where to begin.” There is a distinct air of resignation to Professor Senju’s tone, and Cousin Madara preemptively left 15 minutes ago to get medicines to combat both of their growing headaches. “The idea that you’d encountered Fae, the fact you ran from the military - and incidentally caused an International Incident, by the by, it was on the news- of not one, but two different countries, the fact you,” He glares over his steepled fingers at Orochimaru, “thought sexual harassment was a viable path for a distraction, or that you used a seal for travel.”

  “It worked!” Orochimaru throws his hands up in defeat, then stalks out of the kitchen. His snake remains curled happily on top of the still warm rice cooker, flicking it’s tongue out at intervals.

  Kagami exchanges a Look with Professor Senju, before saying, “The department is doing a refresher course on sexual harassment in a week, I already signed him up.” He has a spoon whirl between the oil poaching eggs cooking sous vide to make sure they’re not sticking together, then fishes out the seaweed from the drawer. “And in all fairness, the seal did transport us elsewhere. Just not where we expected to go.” He tastes the rice, before adding a dash of sugar. “What’s this about the news?”

  Professor Senju just groans.

  The seal has some of its intended effect in that they’re transported from point A through space to point B. Though given that Point B ends up being smack into a tree several hundred feet above ground, it’s a mixed bag.

  The nausea it causes isn’t ideal either. But hey! It worked! They’re not dead or lost to the space-time continuum! This is a win for Experimental and Theoretical Magic! With a little tweaking it’d be fine!

  “Where were you aiming for?” Kagami asks in between retching. It’s a small comfort that Orochimaru is also retching and green.

  “I was supposed to aim?”  Right Orochimaru is no longer allowed to transport them anywhere.

  “You didn’t pay attention in the lab meeting regarding the Teleportation seal?” If Kagami weren’t already alarmed he would be now. The lab meeting had only been preliminary, after all, and had only reviewed the basics of a Teleportation seal, or rather what remnants had been found and pieced together from ancient sealing treatises. That seal hadn’t been complete, and yet apparently Orochimaru tried to use it.

  “I usually tune out the lab meetings.” And that explains a lot. Kagami knew Orochimaru couldn’t be taking such detailed notes, the slippery little worm.

  Kagami really can’t wrap his brains around the fact Orochimaru used an unknown seal on live human subjects. “You could have killed us.” An unfinished seal, was a surefire way to die.Not to mention entirely unethical. Was this actually one of the Twelve Hells and Kagami just didn’t know? It might be, since everything due … left  is scrub. Were any of the Twelve Hells scrub land?

  Orochimaru winces as he twists onto his back. “I doubt I could get it to work again - Idon’t have enough magic left to try it again, and a few magic pathways ruptured in trying to get the seal to function.” Kagami winces at that proclamation. The only one of the two of them who had any clue how to do basic first aid was the one who was injured, with ruptured magic pathways, and Kagami has no clue where they are. It’s nearly nighttime, though, and Kagami has been forced through enough wilderness survival training camps/simulations/exercises by his relatives to be competent at navigating them via the stars.

  He fishes through the pack that’s miraculously stayed with them, mostly intact. “Here, have a sandwich and water. It should help some. Slowly.” It would go a long way to dealing with magic replenishment, but not if it was just vomited back up again. Rule One and all that. He digs around some more and finds a bag of candy. Oh good, ginger flavored - great of anti-nausea. “Suck on this too.” Kagami popped a piece himself, for the ginger and the sugar content. Neither of them had eaten since breakfast, and it shows by the way his stomach growls. If he’s hungry then Orochimaru must be as well. Kagami takes a moment to peer over the edge of the branch they landed on.

  It’s not too far down to the ground, not if he uses a few well placed bursts of air to slow his descent into something more manageable. There look to be some edible berries, and since Kagami has no clear idea of how long it will take them to get back to some form of civilization, it’d be best to gather some and save the snacks they had brought for if they ran out of edible foods. The act taxes his magic pools, but not noticeably enough given his magic’s already depleted state. At least he’s not completely exhausted like Kagami suspects Orochimaru is, no matter that the teen is trying to play it off like he’s got something left. Orochimaru isn’t finished growing, and so long as his body is in flux, so are his magic pools. They’ll even out eventually, and probably into the upper end of the spectrum, but for now they’re still developing.

  There’s a glut of blackberries, but Kagami avoids them. Fae fruit are suspect, and he doesn’t need another set of Fae on their case at the moment. He whispers an old rhyme to appease them anyways, because who even knew what rules ruled interactions the Fair Folk anymore if they were going around with guns - gunmetal had iron in it, right? A few meters away he finds a large strawberry bush, the berries brilliant red and ripe. Good fortune, which Four know they need more of. He fills his two handkerchiefs, and the already emptied sandwich container before eating his own fill of the berries. He knows they’re a stopgap measure at best - the terrain is rugged, and there probably isn’t much by way of travel options beyond “on foot”. With that in mind he pulls up some dandelion greens, and nettle greens nestled in among the branches of the strawberry bush and eats a handful. Mmmm iron.

  It’s only when he hears the low telltale hiss of an agitated snake does Kagami freeze. He knew he was forgetting something important; strawberry bushes attract snakes. Okay, that’s not necessarily true, but for all intents and purposes of this situation, Kagami is going to simplify into ‘strawberry bushes attract snakes’. Damnation of sulphur and ash.

  “Hello little one.” And now Orochimaru is involved. Professor Senju and Hiruzen would gang up and kill him dead, reanimate him, then kill him dead again if their precious prodigy is even slightly injured; Kagami is afraid to think of what would occur if Orochimaru dies out here. “And what’s your name?” He’s cooing at a snake. A - Kagami checks the shape of the purple reptile’s head - probably venomous species of snake. Fire God’s flaming balls.

  Kagami eyes where Orochimaru is petting the wild snake, then at the dandelion greens. He’s absolutely sure those are dandelion greens and not hallucinogenic, but he hasn’t been bitten by a snake - and snake species native to Hi no Kuni  don’t have venom that cause hallucinations. His eyes drift skyward, only to be met by twilight still. So either he’s hallucinating realistically, or this is reality. Kagami will take the hallucination, thank you very much.

  Orochimaru and the purple snake stare at Kagami judgmentally, which isn’t fair because hallucination snakes don’t get to be judgemental. “Why not?” And the snake speaks. Thanks brain.

“It’s not the little one, Kagami.” It knows his name. It knows his name. What. How. Why. Even Orochimaru looks surprised, so win for hallucination.

  “Kagami.” That’s an alerting-warning tone if Kagami ever heard one, and he turns to look behind him, where Orochimaru’s eyes are fixed.

  He makes eye contact with a massive black snake, one who’s easily as thick around as a tree trunk and could easily fit Kagami in it’s mouth if it chose to. And now it’s laughing. Why is it laughing. Kagami wasn’t built to deal with hallucination snakes laughing at him. Can he quit this adventure in favor of fleeing back to the University and Professor Senju’s lab? It was safe there, or at least it lacked hallucinogenic agents that weren’t properly labeled with warnings.

  “Greetings, Honored One. This one calls himself Orochimaru, and this one Kagami. May we be honored with what you are called?” Pros of Orochimaru and his obsessive compulsive need to know everything- he’s got a surprisingly good grasp of the classic tales.

  “This one is called Kuroda. The little one is called Manda. And I know your names human.” The tone is amused, and has an odd double timbre to it that echoes around Kagami’s skull, all the way back to the very recesses of his lizard-hindbrain.

  It clicks faster for Kagami than Orochimaru, feat of feats. “You’re a telepathic Celestial Snake.”

  “Indeed. You’re much faster on the uptake than most humans.” The last bit is tinged with idle curiosity-noted-respect. “You must have been well taught as a child. Rare these days.”

  With good reason, because Celestial Snakes are currently thought to be tiny (comparatively to the massive snake in front of them) tree dwelling snakes in the coastal forests of Uzu no Kuni and a tiny part of Hi no Kuni that ate birds and other small creatures and prized for their rainbow scales. The whole telepathic and massive thing was supposed to be just legend; then again, Kagami’s met not one, but two, count ‘em two Immortals and more Fae than he can count  in the last 24 hours so this doesn’t surprise him at all. Not even the slightest bit.

  “Honored Kuroda, can we request your assistance? We are far from home and would like to go back.”

  Kuroda raises himself up to squint down at Orochimaru, who is standing tall and composed before the Celestial Snake. “You are strange little human. Your soul is something cold, yet warm, deadly and safe to those you love, a thing that squeezes tight and sinks it’s fangs in deep and does not let go. A snake-souled little human if there ever was one.”

  “I am honored by your words, Honored Kuroda of the Celestial Snakes.” Orochimaru bows neatly.

  Kuroda continues as if Orochimaru had not spoken at all. “I think I shall have Manda stay with you to see what you become, snake-souled Orochimaru. He knows the way back to human civilization, and will lead you there. Travel well, little humans.” Kuroda must have deemed the conversation over, because he turned his huge body around the tree and disappeared into the encroaching twilight.

  “You thought you hallucinated a snake.” Cousin Madara paused where he was shaking out pills from the bottle that proclaimed it to be ‘migraine strength!’ anti-headache medicine, then shook out two more apiece for himself and Professor Senju. Awwww, significant others taking care of each other. Reminds Kagami of his parents being lovey-dovey and taking care of one another.

  “A massive Celestial Snake, yes.” He pauses in forming the rice ball, neatly packaging it in a strip of seaweed, before plating it before Orochimaru. A smaller rice ball with more egg and less curry is placed in front of Manda. “I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t a hallucination though.”

  Orochimaru strokes Manda’s head, offended. “But Manda is real and took us to Yu no Kuni.”

  “And how. I never heard Manda speak. For all I know he’s a normal snake.” Manda bares his fangs in an obvious threat display, affronted. Probably. In any case, Kagami gives him another rice ball.

  Orochimaru rolls his eyes, “Kagami, he’s telepathic. He was talking to me the whole way. How else did we find that multi-terrain vehicle?”

  “Luck? I had strawberries!”

  Cousin Madara swipes some rice balls, and gives half to Professor Senju before digging in. “So what’s this about Yu no Kuni, and would it have anything to do with why half of its hot springs district is demolished.”

  Kagami and Orochimaru share a Look. “The Hot Springs Destruction was entirely the fault of the Wild Hunt and the Yu no Kuni military. We just happened to be there.”

    By dint of winning rock-paper-scissors, Orochimaru gets to drive when they stumble across the jeep. Or Manda leads them to the jeep. Whichever makes the most sense, since Kagami hasn’t heard a peep from the supposedly asshole snake. Kagami takes a minute to demonstrate how to hotwire the car, but after that it’s all Orochimaru. It’s not like anyone’s around to call them out on the fact that Orochimaru doesn’t have a learner’s permit, and there’s no one around to crash into or injure, both important when teaching a beginner driver. This is a proper, normal learning experience and Kagami is willing to let his Minion have it. Plus, it’s nighttime and this can count as his nighttime driving experience! It’s a three-for-one!

  It’s also easier to navigate when he can stick his head out the roof and call out directions instead of having to keep pausing and rechecking directions. Though the point of that is rendered moot by Manda who is supposedly telling Orochimaru what to do - Kagami hasn’t heard a word out of the snake. At least so far, though, he and the snake are in agreement - they’re in western Hi no Kuni and headed to Yu no Kuni because that’s the closest site of civilization. Also, least likely to be suspicious of their lack of passports and the easiest way to reorient themselves into the direction of the University.

  On top of it all, Kagami found a massive wad of cash in the glove compartment, and it’s more than enough for a swanky inn for the night, including baths, and dinner. He knows he has enough grime, leaf litter, and other associated muck on him that a bath would be glorious.

  The moon and stars are bright and  light their path, so they make good time. It’s a little past 1 am (according to the probably wrong car clock) when they finally pull into the hot springs district of Yu no Kuni. The town is still bustling with activity, so they blend in seamlessly, for a given value of seamless. Some people look at him scandalized, as if he’s done something terribly illegal by tromping through the town disheveled and dragging his younger companion (also bedraggled) behind him, but it’s usually people who look like tourists rather than residents of the town.

  First things first, though. Kagami leads the way into a small clothing shop, since he’s fairly sure neither of their outfits can be salvaged. They’re going to need a first aid kit too, and then a hot meal and a bath. Actions one and two are completed quickly, and so is checking into a nice looking inn. The innkeep directs them to the baths,  saying dinner will be delivered after they’ve had their fill of the mineral rich waters. “Ahhhh, there’s nothing like a bath,” Kagami sighs happily as he pushes open the door between the dressing room and the baths proper, towel tucked neatly around his hips. He cleans off dutifully at the provided showers and stools, scrubbing away the accumulated grime and dirt from his hair and skin, humming happily. It was such an underrated luxury, to be clean. Orochimaru, with his long hair, will take longer and Kagami leaves him to it.

  The baths are sparsely populated at this time, with only a handful of other patrons lounging in the bath. The steam rising from the water occludes their faces, giving a nice hint of privacy, and Kagami gratefully slips into the hot water. The sounds of the night are muted, the laughter and noise of the crowd still on the streets dulled by the high walls surrounding the baths, the only discernable noise is … giggling? Kagami tries to tune it out, return to relaxing and letting the stress of the past day flow out of him, but the giggle rises in volume, and sounds…. Close?

  His eyes fly open -who the fuck giggles late at night like a perverted child flipping through a skin mag when sane people are trying to relax? - and Kagami whirls to confront the hooligan, temper snapping. “Oi, knock it off, or by the Small Lords I’ll make you.”

  His eyes meet Jiraiya’s startled (and guilty?) ones, then move to the notebook Jiraiya’s clearly been scribbling in, then the hole in the partition between the men’s and women’s baths. “Are you  peeping?!” It’s just Kagami’s luck that the quiet murmurs around them fall silent just as he speaks. In the blink of a moment there’s chaos, screams of outrage and terror filling the space. Someone on the women’s side - someone with spectacular aim - lobs over a stool, then a tub, then a rock, and each misses Jiraiya by centimeters as he scrambles out of the space.

  Orochimaru sighs from where he was just slipping into the bath. “By the Four and the Heavenly Courts, Jiraiya.” He gets up and rewraps his towel, disappearing into the misty after his erstwhile friend. Kagami decides it might be best to leave the area, since he knows that look on his Minion. Someone’s going to be eviscerated, and it’s still a 50-50 split on if it’s going to be verbal or physical. Getting viscera in his hair right after he just got clean is not a pleasant thought.

  A massive stone splashes violently into the bath from across the barrier - someone on that side must have a terrifying temper - tossing Kagami about like a toy boat caught in the currents of the Nanako.  He headbutts straight into a well developed pectoral, and he’s about to apologize, but - “Hey I know that bicep!” Just to be sure though he feels it up, and yup, he’s encountered that particular bicep before. Now, just where -?

  That particular question is answered quickly when Kagami ends up pinned by the throat to the side of the bath. “Oi! Heathen, ready to be sacrificed the Jashin-sama?” Oh good. Immortal One, Hidan. And where one immortal is, there’s bound to be - ayup, Immortal Two, Kazuku. They both look terrible, a mess of stitched over wounds, bruises, scabbed over cuts and burns plus or minus what look like bullet holes.

  There is only one recourse and that is to scream. Screaming in bath houses drew attention, and not of the good kind, and for good reason. No one wanted a pervert preying on someone in a bath. Hidan drops Kagami like he’s hotter than burning and starts quickly paddling away, but not quickly enough. One of the men at the other end stands, “Hey you! What were you doing?!” He’s built like a brick shithouse and is coming this way like a bull rampaging.

  Kagami takes the quickly escalating altercation as an opportunity to go fishing around his toiletries tub, thanking whatever God is looking out for him that he stuck a few disintegration seals in there prophylactically. He’s just about to pick one out from the bottom when he hears Kazuku loom up behind him. “We meet again Kagami Uchiha.”

  Sweet Flame of Heaven, could that man be any more menacing? Kagami turns rigidly, hoping that the Immortal won’t notice the crumpled wad of sealing paper in his fist, “Ah-hahaha, fancy meeting you here Kazuku! Are you enjoying your soak?”  Please please let societal conventions trap him like it had Hidan.

  Kazuku’s face veil hides any visible reaction beyond the narrowing of his eyes. “Better having found our missing ransom prisoner. I’m afraid I must insist you return.” Kazuku clamps a hand on Kagami’s shoulder, fingers digging in painfully. “We’re awaiting quite a sum of money in exchange for you. Pity no one specified ‘living’, though.” And there came the creep-factor. A+ Mr. Immortal.

  Kagami pretends to mull it over as he rises to his feet. “Just out of curiosity, how much am I worth?”

  Kazuku’s taken aback. “What?”

  “How much am I worth? Like, how much money are you expecting to get for me? I’m not a prodigy like my Minion, I’m not famous or rich, and I’m not paid all that much so I’m not someone with a massive net worth or anything. I can’t imagine anyone I know having the money to pay a ransom, except Minion and he probably wouldn’t because I’m pretty sure he’s not all too fond of me and is probably lulling me into a false sense of security so that when he finally decides that I’m of some specific use, he can play up the ‘favorite Minion’ angle and get away with whatever he needs, probably something entirely unethical, immoral, and/or illegal. It’s a toss up at this point. Either that or he thinks I’m a hilarious bumbling fool and is humoring me for comedic effect. In any case, he wouldn’t pay a ryo for me; nor would Uncle Setsuna cause he’s an asshole. All in all, I’m really not sure that you could’ve asked for all that much money, so I have to ask, how much am I worth? And is all the hassle of kidnapping me really worth the pittance you’re going to get?” Kagami hopes his nervous sweat is taken instead to be water from the bath. He’s only got one shot at this, and keeping Kazuku on the back foot with his anxious babble is imperative.

  “Aah- that is- Um, how should I say -,” Kazuku is frantically trying to think up something complimentary, and Kagami moves. The seal slaps down onto wet skin and adheres as Kagami forces magic through. Black veins scrawl out like a spiderweb of death over Kazuku’s silent scream of pain until they’ve covered the entirety of Kazuku in ink, and then with a underwhelming puff disintegrated into dust.

  Kagami sets fire to the ashes just in case - Immortals. One more thing to add to the list of traumatic incidences of the week, but on the bright side he’s got another functioning seal to patent. This one is all his, too!

  He trots towards the exit, hoping that Muscles McMuscley over there can keep Hidan occupied, but has no such luck when Hidan gets thrown across his path into the decorative stone wall. Experimental and Theoretical Magic holds that any result could be due to random chance, so repeated testing is necessary. Kagami looks at his spare seals, and goes for broke with a shrug. He’s already offed one person today, might as well  go for broke and collect the set. Hidan puffs off without so much as a farewell, and Kagami immolates his ashes too. For symmetry, and poetic justice. Unfortunately, it does nothing to fix the damage caused to the bath from the violent response to Jiraiya peeping, but Kagami is not responsible for that in any way shape or form. Things are looking up, finally.

  Almost immediately he has to reverse that opinion. The white-haired Fae is trapped in the entrance, Wolfy-less, by Orochimaru and Manda. The poor man - Kagami hopes the Fae is male, but really doesn’t want to go ask about gender and pronouns of the Fae since it’s really not his area of study - looks like he’s been through the wringer and then some, but also like he’s humoring Orochimaru who’s looking interested in all the worst ways; Kagami has to sympathize. A swift kick to Orochimaru’s butt fixes the situation nicely. “Minion! No sexual harassment in the the baths!”

  “Ah, no it’s fine, really we just bumped into one another -,” The Fae cuts himself off, then quickly does a double take at Orochimaru, then Kagami. “You’re the pair from the forest.”

  “And you’re Wild Hunt.” Kagami hurriedly ducks into the pants and shirt he’d laid out. “How’s Wolfy? I know things are still awkward about the whole ‘mouth’ thing, but can you apologize for me? Wolfy was pretty cool when he wasn’t trying to eat me.”

  “Wild Hunt? What mouth thing?” The Fae is perplexed, but shakes himself from it quickly. “Never mind that, you’re both wanted by the military. Stop!”

  “Oh, would you look at the time. We’ve got things to do, place to be, we should catch up some other time! See ya!” Kagami flashes the Fae a peace sign, then exits the room. He’s halfway down the hall when he hears the thunder of many feet pounding across the wooden floors behind him. Kagami bolts out back onto the streets, which are still crowded, and ducks around groups carousing drunkenly in the streets. Thank the Four for tourist destinations, this would never work anywhere else.

  He sees Orochimaru and Manda slip into the mouth of an alley, and follows. Just in time, as the mass of (uniformed! Since when do they have uniforms?!) people dash past. Some straggle behind, flashing badges and questioning drunks in the street. Orochimaru peers out, then starts digging through the pack. “Here, I think I can wrangle a disguise together, but you’re not going to like it.” Manda peeks out from where he’s acting like a hair tie for Orochimaru’s impromptu ponytail.

  Kagami stares at the assorted items Orochimaru has pulled out, and has a sinking feeling.

    “Does this explain the … outfits?” Cousin Madara asks around a bite of ice cream.

  Kagami has to take offense, because they look great. Arresting even. “ You’re just angry you can’t pull something like this off.”

  Orochimaru lays back and kicks a leg out like a pinup girl, crossed at the knee and everything, like it’s Exhibit A in their defense. Manda hisses, but Manda is biased and can be bought with egg yolk treats, so it might just be him begging for more food. Kagami obliges him either way.

  “This still doesn’t explain the destruction of the hot springs.” Professor Senju prompts around a spoonful of coffee ice cream.

  “The clothing - is- was rather integral to that. Still not our fault though, for want of us not doing much magic flinging.”Orochimaru shrugs.

  “That’s not no magic flinging.”

  “In all fairness, we only had one spell. Is that ‘no magic flinging’? No. But is it ‘town decimation level magic flinging’? Also no.” Cousin Madara opens his mouth, and Kagami slams on the coffee table, “THERE’S NO EVIDENCE BEYOND THE ANECDOTAL YOU CANNOT CONVICT US.”

    “Why did you even buy this stuff?” Kagami would like to lodge a protest with whatever court will take it that he is only doing this under duress. Not that he thinks it’s wrong to crossdress, if that’s your thing - and dresses are really comfortable, even though this one is kinda clingy and short-  but walking in heels. He is only wearing heels under extreme duress.

  “Here, heat the stick bit of this earring.” Orochimaru hands him a pair of dangly earrings. Kagami eyes them, then Orochimaru’s unpierced ears.

  “Minion no.”

  “I’ve wanted pierced ears anyways. Think of it as teenage rebellion.” Putting it that way helps, especially the bit where Orochimaru has him shove hot metal through his ears. Kagami considers the studs left in the pack of earrings, but ultimately decides against it for want of a mirror and stability. Seriously, he’s standing still and wobbling like a newborn fawn.

  Orochimaru pauses from where he’s sweeping on dramatic purple eyeshadow, lone bracelet sliding down his forearm, “Give me a minute, then we’ll sneak out.”

  “Remember, the game plan is drunk. Just until we get to the outskirts of town.” He once overs their appearance in a puddle, then has the hike the top of his dress higher. The lack of straps wasn’t doing him any favors, especially given the fact that raising the top meant raising the hem, and there was no way to make it non-scandalous. He looks at Orochimaru’s much more conservative dress, with it’s sleeves and leggings, and calls shenanigans. “This was rigged, wasn’t it.”

  Orochimaru links their arms at the elbow, then sniffs, “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” before they stumble out into the street. The soldiers give them a wide berth since two underage looking drunk girls is a recipe for a career ending headline should someone snap a badly staged photo, and Kagami gets a good look at their badges when he stumbles into one of the younger looking ones. Who knew Yu no Kuni had an active offensive military - last time he checked, they supposedly only had a defensive branch.

  All things considered though, the disguises work well. Entirely too well, as they stumble “drunkenly” into the woods. It’s nearing dawn, and they’ve been traveling across the Elemental Nations for almost a full day, they’re Four knows how far from home, and there are crows. Too many moving to count, though Kagami does try, because that old rhyme hasn’t steered him wrong yet. Orochimaru starts poking at some half moss covered rock, then starts digging.

  He stops counting when he feels a rush of magic - the size and quantity that makes people nervous when it’s not in a controlled environment. “Minion - “

  Then he sees the dog. Wolf. Massive Canis Whateverus. “Fire God’s flames.”

  Orochimaru looks proud, “The control seal works. Guess you have something to patent and sell for a lot of money to the military after all.” What. Right. What they set out to do. That thing. Somehow it feels tawdry, like it pales in comparison to the journey, but considering that had immortals and Fae and shooting and massive telepathic hallucination snakes and sky high heels… maybe it’s because it’s anticlimactic? Now whatever life lesson about messing with the forces of life and death, and the role of humans in the vastness of the cosmos, trying to take the easy way out, the value of thinking before acting - whatever he was supposed to be learning and internalizing - has become moot. He would have been successful even if they hadn’t been caught in the original graveyard, only with less property damage and displacement. Does that fact mean anything? Is it the journey, not the result that’s ultimately worth something, something better than financial stability and security? “Kagami, now is not the time for a meditative trance.”

  “What? Oh. Right.” Kagami scrambles up behind Orochimaru on the back of the … let’s just call it a dog. “Time to head home?”

  “Time to head home.” Poor Manda yawns and uncircles himself before draping himself like a particularly scaled scarf around Orochimaru’s shoulders. The eyeshadow - sharp like winged eyeliner, or whatever Cousin Mikoto likes to proclaim - and Manda match, for a given value of all purples match, and Kagami is struck by a wandering thought.

  “Hey, Orochimaru - “

  “Kagami. Duck.”

  “What duck?” Kagami whirls about on the gently trotting Reanimated dog. Then he sees. “Oh.” And promptly ducks.

  The flaming boulder is large, surprisingly so for Yu no Kuni, which according to legend (and famously) repurposed all its rocks for bathhouses. It still misses by a wide enough margin to be called a warning shot, though, which is a consternation best left for another time since the dog freaks out. It bounds into the town, leaping over buildings and landing neatly in streets as waves of magic buffet them - first an earthquake hemming them in on one side, a wall of fire bearing down on them from due north, a gust of hurricane force gales from above, and Kagami is just waiting for the tsunami of water as he hangs onto the patchy fur of their ride as it bounces around in what might generously be called evasive maneuvers. He tries not to think about the mass destruction such massive spellworks must be leaving, or that he’s still too low on magic to do anything about it. Also, considering that even a most basic shielding spell needs at least two other people (besides himself), he’s still up a creek about stopping the military from wrecking up their people and country’s main source of income. Kagami hopes they have good insurance.

  He stops caring for things outside his gastrointestinal tract around the time they smash a tank - which is painted a completely different design than the Yu no Kuni uniforms, so it might a completely different group, fun - ,though, since he’d rather not given his minion blackmail leverage from puking all over him. Also Manda is in the way, probably would take offense at getting human digestion peristalsis’d all over him, and is still probably highly venomous besides. Kagami decides that focusing on breathing would probably be best and leaves the heavy duty stuff to Orochimaru. It’ll probably be more appreciated long term.

  Maybe he should invest in an anti-motion sickness charm - it might be useful to have on hand, especially given recent events. “Oh, for the Air God’s sake,” Kagami vaguely makes out Orochimaru grumbling caustically, then his world goes black.

    “In all fairness, you were projecting quite loudly according to Manda, and making you go to sleep saved us all the hassle of having to clean up vomit.” Orochimaru shrugs unrepentantly, “I’m not sure why you’re complaining, we got back to the University in one piece.”

  “Doesn’t mean you couldn’t have asked. Also, there is no way you had enough magic to pull off the Reanimation, power the control seal, and knock me out.”

  Professor Senju sighs, resigned, “Not if his current research project is magic storage in crystalline structures.” Orochimaru waves regally, showing off the stone bead bracelet he had pulled on around the time of their outfit change.

  Kagami has never felt more betrayed in his life. “You are an awful awful person and I hope you get caught in shady business and end up in the weirdest situation you could ever hope to imagine,” he informs Orochimaru candidly. “And when that transpires, I will laugh in your face.”

  Cousin Madara takes a hard swig of the brandy bottle Professor Senju had unearthed. “So this is how you ended up on the run from international law enforcement, the military of Hi no Kuni, and the military of Yu no Kuni. Yet you came here why?”

  “Oh that’s easy. We need an alibi. And to patent the seals. Uh, plus we may have broken into the Registrar’s office.”

    Omake:

  “So, who all bet against Tsunade’s bet?” The show of hands was depressing. No one would have any reason to suspect that the regular goings on of a Friday night would make international headlines, much less cause International Incidents.

  Hikaku read the bet slip.‘There will be wild adventures by persons in this pool that cause an international incident tonight.’ Innocuously phrased, yet almost prophetic.

  “All in favor of banning Tsunade Senju or any proxies from betting in any future pools, raise your hand?” The show of hands was unanimous.

[gzw1689]

@sejinpk Re: Kimi no Na wa live action adaptation

Before I go off, I just want to preface this by saying that I’m no expert on filmmaking or the film production process. I’m just going by some light research, as well as an outsider’s perspective on how adaptation works informed by low level undergrad academic analysis.

Having thought about this a bit more, I’m not sure how much I’d make of the announcement just yet (at least, in terms of when/if it will be released, and maybe the people involved). From looking into the histories of some of these anime to American live-action adaptations, it seems that oftentimes, the people involved are announced, yet it takes years for the production to actually get off the ground. Some shifting in the production, directing, and writing teams may also occur.

For much of these next paragraphs, I’m just going by Wikipedia.

With Ghost in the Shell, Steven Spielberg was announced as having the rights to it with producers attached all the way back in 2008, but production seemed to start coming together around 2014 (though, it appears, with most of the same people attached).

Death Note captured the interest of American filmmakers all the way back in 2007 (around the time the anime aired) until an adaptation was announced all the way back in 2009. Distributors, directors, and other crew shifted around until they finally solidified the team around 2015 (though with some of the original producers and the original screenwriters still on board).

Edge of Tomorrow was optioned shortly after All You Need Is Kill was published in North America in 2009 (about five years after its Japanese publication). It actually seemed to take less time to get off the ground compared to the previous two films (maybe two years after Doug Liman was announced as director in 2010), but changed screenwriters many times before the final ones got hired. Also, apparently one of the early screenwriters commented that it was “‘too complex’ to properly adapt”.

So although there’s been an announcement for a Kimi no Na wa adaptation, it could take years before this actually enters production. But then again, maybe we don’t really want that, haha.

I guess another part of what I’m trying to say is that, from what I can tell, the timing of this announcement seems pretty typical, even when considering something like Edge of Tomorrow. As far as I can tell, the novel it was based on isn’t very well known and popular over here, and yet an adaptation was on the table quite quickly, and it was announced around a year after the novel’s North American publication. Perhaps this is just a more high profile announcement because of Kimi no Na wa’s success, and it came earlier because the parties involved managed to strike a deal with someone they liked right away (though perhaps that comes with its own issues; maybe they’re being too hasty).

I originally had this hypothesis that the “quality” of American anime adaptations largely had to do with the specific people involved. But the more I looked into it, the more this seemed to fall apart. As a generalization, many of the major people involved in these films (I only really looked at directors and screenwriters of Death Note, Ghost in the Shell and Edge of Tomorrow; though if I remember correctly, producers and executives have some creative control as well) seemed to have some amount of success with filmmaking, but also had some films that had rather mixed or poor reception.

For example, looking into Adam Wingard’s filmography (director of Death Note, since I’m at least a bit more familiar with his work compared to others I looked at), it looks like You’re Next and The Guest (both of which are classified as horror or thriller) had pretty warm reception. The only other film of his I’ve seen (besides Death Note), Blair Witch, was much less liked.

In my assessment, I would say that it was because he strayed so far from what defined The Blair Witch Project in the first place. As one of the definitive found footage films, it relied greatly on atmosphere, more subtle and psychological scares, and a more naturalistic approach that gave the illusion that it was real found footage. However, Wingard’s Blair Witch threw that approach out the window by adding loud noises (rather than cracking branches and whispers), timing its scares in a more dramatic/artificial manner (like a more conventional contemporary horror film would), and adding background music (???). All of this is very bizarre too, considering the actual story events of Wingard’s film almost constituted a remake of the original, despite being a sequel. That said, I personally found the film kind of entertaining and scary, but as more of a contemporary horror film, rather than a Blair Witch film.

Though I don’t know. Speaking of horror, Gore Verbinski’s The Ring (adapted from the Japanese film Ring) is probably one of my favourite horror movies, even though it was very tonally and somewhat substantially different from its source material. But I digress.

All that said, the people who worked on Edge of Tomorrow (director Doug Liman and screenwriter Christopher McQuarrie) also had pretty inconsistent reception to their films as well. For example, McQuarrie won an Academy Award for The Usual Suspects all the way back in 1995, but also wrote quite a few mixed or poorly received thriller films. Doug Liman directed three well-received films earlier in his career (Swingers, Go, and The Bourne Identity), but had a few films with mixed reception before Edge of Tomorrow. So I suppose the adaptation and collaboration process just turned out to be more successful in that case.

Regarding the people on Kimi no Na wa, J.J. Abrams has quite a bit of experience and success adapting or adding onto existing properties, though I think it’s important to note that the announcements haven’t said that he’s directing it. At the very least, he could be a producer with someone else directing. I can’t really say much about Eric Heisserer, since I haven’t seen anything he wrote, but it seems despite his Academy Award nomination, he’s had a pretty inconsistent track record so far. But I suppose even though J.J. has been successful with adaptations of existing works, judging by the track records of previous anime to live-action filmmakers, that’s no real guarantee he’ll treat an adaptation of Kimi no Na wa well.

And as you’ve laid out, adapting a Japanese story--especially one that has so many Japanese cultural elements--is an entirely different undertaking. Not to mention RADWIMPS’s music is also such a huge part of the film’s identity. If those two remain on the project (my guess is J.J. will, but Heisserer could possibly get replaced), I actually want to sincerely wish them good luck in trying to do that.

This might be a bit of a weird angle to take, but if I were them, maybe I’d try to stray as far away from the source material as possible while maintaining some of the core elements that are more universal (ie. the theme of distance, the body switching, averting a disaster, etc.). Then, maybe I’d add or change some things that would make it more relevant to America. I’d probably even change the name completely (since it relies on Japanese wordplay), but maybe have in the credits that it was “Loosely inspired by Your Name”, or something to that effect. I suppose that’s how far I think they’d have to go in order for this to sort of work; tell a different story while keeping some of the core elements there, and don’t pretend you’re telling the original one.

I think one of the problems with American adaptations is that they take this sort of middle ground where they try to pass it off as the original thing (for example, by keeping names and the like), but change other parts to the point where it just seems...weird and wrong. I’d say you have to go full on one way or the other: ultra-faithful Japanese-like adaptation or a vastly altered American story inspired by the original. If you try to please both crowds at once, neither one of them will be happy. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I’d be quite interested in seeing something with the latter approach.

I think cultural adaptation can be done successfully. (How Atom Egoyan adapted The Sweet Hereafter from an American story to a Canadian one comes to mind, though perhaps there’s less of a challenge there, since our cultures aren’t that far apart; maybe I’ll talk about that in a separate post.) But it needs to be handled with the utmost care, and it needs to get down to the core of what could really resonate with American audiences. Not, for example, by fundamentally warping characters and themes, and adding unnecessary stuff like 80′s music (again, ???), like in Wingard’s Death Note. In the end though, like you said, when it comes to Hollywood adaptations, it’s probably best to err far on the side of skepticism.

If this actually ends up going through, as much as I may be tempted to give the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt, I have to be realistic. They probably are going to do something that fits into the weird “middle ground” that I described. So I suppose I’m cautious of how it’ll turn out. But at the same time, especially with the people involved, I am kind of interested to see what they do with it, even if it ends up being a mess.

If there is anything I am looking forward to about this, it’s probably how the comet will look with CGI or practical effects. If they end up going with the comet, that is.

[mewkwota]

Φ Dunno if you're still doing this but, THE HERO OF TIME HIMSELF, Link

Oh I’m always open for these, thanks for shooting me another sweet name~!

Hmm~ It seems you specified on just the one from Ocarina of Time, I guess? Since it’s clear that not all Link’s share that same title. But how can you really just talk about one Link when there’s so many lovely boys to admire?

I am just going to talk about all of them as some sorta whole.

I hope we’re ready for a response that’s as long as Link’s line of incarnations.

I guess many would consider me starting late into the Zelda series because my first game was Twilight Princess, and not even the Game Cube one, but the later one that came onto the Wii. So I had always been more used to playing LoZ games with motion controls like the “pleb goober” I am.

But we’re not here to judge my validity as a Zelda fan, now are we?

Given that, Twilight Princess Link would have the be my all time favorite. Design-wise, he gives me that similar feel to Adult OoT Link’s full-on garb, but holds these additional details which present him as looking “complete” to me?

I mean, it’s enough that it won’t make him look excessive or edgy either, and I know that game is kinda some darker take in the series’ theme. But I never saw him that way, I just felt his design looked the loveliest to me.

As for all the kiddies, Child OoT/Majora Link is my fave. That’s no surprise, he’s the most darling, cutey-looking one who can do Soul Calibur Taki flips over ledges. What with the grace he seems to be able to present at his age.

And how can you say no to a face like that…?!

Just a small shot to give proof of that pinch-able face. Hyrule Warriors did a very nice job with him in the game, if I could add, ufuu~

Onto his overall character, Link would come off as that general image of the ideal hero: courageous, kind, brimming with youth at every age. But while it may sound boring at surface-level, something about feels more than just talking about some bland anime-trope protag.

(And how dare I compare him that way?)

Regardless if he’s super-anime now, or sporting that classic hat with the pom-pom on it, he carries a sorta charm to him that attracts both men and women alike in their own ways. Or maybe both whatever’s up your alley.

Even if I’ve never played the game for a given design, I can still see how nice each and every Link looks. And they all look lovely.

Except the CD-i one, I guess. I dunno.

Not to mention, he seems to live up to his name being a “link” of the player to the game world, where we can enjoy the goodness of Hyrule’s challenges in both his perspective and our own.

I remember playing Twilight Princess and experiencing the game in my own way, while also talking with Link like he’s dealing with the same stuff by my side.

I don’t necessarily feel like I can replace people in the video game themselves, since I am not a huge fan of self-inserting myself– which is why I am no strong-lover for the route Fire Emblem took with Robin/Corrin/etc., to no offense of those who enjoy it, by all means please do!

Instead, it’s more that we just walk the same path together, non-romantically, and lead him like a mother would her child.In fact, his childish side is what I tend to play with most, mind you. It’s kinda endearing, despite the scary and crazy joys that come about in every title.

It only drew me closer to playing the games that Link takes part it. He can be seen as super cool, super cute, super weird. And he acts as the blank slate for you to fill whatever you’d prefer to make of it, without being too blank at all.

So all poetic splurge aside, he’s just a good-looking and admirable guy I can work with well in almost any occasion. Well, if the right words/ideas come first.

I give this ageless hero a 9.3/10. Though I can’t say numbers can best fathom my level of interest or love for anyone, they’re too concrete. But know that no matter how far I stray from the topic of Zelda, I’ll always hold a place for Link.

Have you regretted asking me about him yet? ( ; v; )

[starlitkoi]

Sorry, I’m on mobile so I can’t really add a “Keep Reading.” I’ll add it in the morning if i remember to.

You know? Laying here in my bed, thinking of my “bright” and “fulfilling” future makes me feel… Inadequate and not ready…

And I feel like this with a lot of shit. With what I know, who I am, how I feel, and so forth.

Let’s start with what I know. I’m in a stage in which I am not fully an adult, but I’m no longer a child. Yes, teenhood… But, it’s a little past that too. I’m going to be going to college soon. I’m gonna be away from home and quite frankly? That’s scary. Sure, I know how to do the laundry and shit… But, I’m alone… I gotta find my own path by myself… And I even question if I’m doing it right… Am I going down the right path? Is this career going to be good enough for me? Will I suceed? I don’t have a plan B. This is it. If I don’t like this, then it’s game over. I have nothing to fall back on. This is all I know. And then when I think of all the “adult stuff”, I freak out! How do I pay for loans? What is a credit history and how do I keep a good score? How to pay a mortgage? How do I file taxes? What is considered a healthy meal? How do I cash in checks? How do I get a job? What in the fuck is fabric softener? Just, I know I can get the answers? But, will I comprehend them? Am I doing the right thing? So many questions roll around in my head…

Then comes who I am. And I’m taking on all fucking levels. Let’s start with the obvious. I’m a effing teen. A teen who is quiet average really. An incoming 17 year old freshman in college. I’m gonna have to do a lot of soul searching when I’m in college. I’m not gonna know anyone. And almost everyone is in the same boat with me… But, why do I still feel so alone? I feel like I don’t say the right words, or do the right actions. I please too many people that I sometimes don’t feel as if I have an identity of my own… Who am I supposed to be? A leader? A follower? An innovator? A homebody? A star? Or even a nobody? What am I? And then I ask, what defines me? My mental illnesses? My awards? Who I love? Then comes the stuff that is slightly trivial yet not. As y'all know, I’m part of that LGBT community. As a person, I’m agender. Yeah, I have a biological sex, but when it comes to expression, I don’t like either gender. Not only do I find it stigmatizing as all hell to be on either side, but to me, being in that grey zone is liberating. I feel as though I am closer with myself when I say that I’m agender. Next, my sexuality. Yeah, I’m also Ace in that regard. But, sometimes it’s hard… I’m not a virgin (*gasp*) so I know that I’m Ace. But, my concious won’t let up. My girlfriend is 100% with the fact that I am, but I feel bad none the less. It’s just an act to me. Nothing more, nothing less. And she knows and is okay with it. Even so, at times, I feel as though I’m broken. A feeling no one likes as all. As it I should have a piece to my being that was never there to begin with… And finally, my romantic orientation. I’m Pan. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am Pan. I also have a girlfriend. I have to remind myself of that as well. Not cause I forget that I have a girlfriend, but the fact that it’s a GIRLfriend… I love her dearly and would do anything… But there are so many things that I feel are stopping me from being confident enough to say out loud that I am proud. My parents, my work, my community, hell even the world at certain points. I get a harsh reminder that this is not the norm when my girlfriend refused to hold my hand out of the fear of being judged. As if we don’t already live with a voice in our heads that scream that WE ARE NOT NORMAL. … Yeah… We’re not… But why should I be ashamed of it… Why should I care that some people close to me won’t accept it… Why should I fear to love… Why do I fear to be who I am? Even know, I think about the ways I can display my pansexual flag in my dorm room where you could only see it if you came in and I could remove it easily if I had guest… I stopped myself from rooming with other non-binary people even if I was comfortable in fear of my parents… I live in a constant fear of who I am because of the world around me… Why?

This… Is all I feel. I feel so much confusion. So much emotion. All good and bad… It overwhelms me. And at the end of the day… I don’t even have the energy to answer the question: Who am I? To me… That kinda seems fucked up…

[cjchokehold]

This is going to be a long post about something I feel incredibly strongly about, what a surprise I know, not like I make these huge rants/posts frequently or anything. (on other social medias, which I am going to start putting them on all of my pages/starting a whole new page for)  So saddle up and read it, unfollow me if you can't respect my views on subjects or the views/feelings of other people, or just simply keep scrolling past if you have no interest in the topic at hand which is the LGBT community. This is MY personal Facebook page, and I have the right to broadcast my thoughts, especially since Facebook's 'post' section conveniently says "what's on your mind?" and I plan to use that to the fullest. I have said this year will be a totally different year for me as a person, and I meant it. I am going to keep expressing my feelings, my views, and my thoughts on things, even if they do not match yours or if they make you upset with me for feeling the way I do. -If you have anything disrespectful to reply in the comments, either keep it to yourselves, or I will remove them the best I can from this post as this is a post for acceptance and has a ZERO hate policy that will be enforced. -If you chose to direct message me hate mail, I will read it, have a laugh with my friends/family, and probably just reply with the fact that you should be more open-minded about the people in this world that you live in, since a lot of you probably have come into contact with tons of LGBT peoples and probably even have shaken their "sinful" hands. (Possible Trigger Warning)~~I know I have a lot of LGBT friends, some that have come out to their peers and others that still have yet to openly broadcast their personal emotions, and this entire post with the linked song is for all of you. I know a lot of you struggle with, or have struggled with opening up and coming out as who you are to your fellow co-workers, friends, and family. I know it must be harder than I can imagine. Because not everyone is accepting and it's a truly terrifying thing to deal with, constant thoughts of if they will be ok with it, if they will accept you, if they will shun you for feeling the way you do. I haven't exactly dealt with it first hand too much, but I know about all the difficulties because many of my friends and family have told me stories from their lives, the battles they have fought through, and the things they have overcome. I love all my friends and family unconditionally, no matter their gender, sexuality or anything else. And I will always support anyone who doesn't feel right in their own skin for whatever reasons. I will never judge a single person for who they feel they are or aren't. I will try my absolute best to make people feel like they deserve; accepted and understood.  I will always be right here for anyone who ever needs someone to speak to and doesn't know who to turn to, even if it isn't regarding sexuality and such, but anything they feel the need talk about to someone. From a personal viewpoint, and some thing I DO have experience dealing with I'd like to add that yes it is a bit difficult to get used to using the proper pro-nouns for Transgender peoples, but it is not at all impossible to comprehend. Like my brother Jack for example, I met him as a woman, I was so used to calling him my sister for many many years, but one day he told me that he would much rather be identified as him, he, etc, it was a little difficult as first referring to him that way, and a lot of times I would mis-gender him which I knew hurt him a lot as it does tons of transgender people everyday, and a very short time later I had been referring to him as he wished. He does change his name sometimes, which is completely understandable, he has to find a name that he is comfortable with, a name that fits him and that he likes hearing when people talk to him, and even to this day that part is a bit hard and I still call him by previous names he had tried using. But a few other F2M friends I have (since I don't believe I have a single M2F friend), have only changed their feminine name to a masculine name that they admire, and that isn't as difficult to accept or keep up with.  On the other hand, my L-G-B friends and family, since they day that they opened up to me and fully told me that they are attracted to the same gender or to all genders, that has been the easiest thing to accept about them. Because I 100% understand and can comprehend the fact they are more drawn to certain genders than to others. Maybe it's just the person I am with the mindset I have, but it was so easy to accept that part of them, it was as easy as accepting the fact they liked certain music artists or preferred Chocolate ice cream to vanilla ice cream. I myself have tested the waters with sexuality, and I cannot say that it wasn't difficult or scary in the slightest. Because it really was. I was worried that someone I was close to would not want me to be their friend anymore, or not want to associate with me because I was trying to grow and figure myself out. I was scared my family wouldn't accept the person I was, or the fact I was attempting to find out who I was. And in that time I had tons of friends supporting me for just trying to be myself, and trying to figure things out, which was the absolute most amazing thing I could have ever asked for, since they accepted I was a young caterpillar trying to figure out exactly what I needed to become a butterfly. I can never thank anyone enough who was there in the early years when I was a weird, pimpled faced, fried hair, teen, and is here now, supporting me for who I am and who I am becoming. Not many people have that kind of support and love in their lives from friends or even family, and I was incredibly lucky to have it. I tried my options, I dated males and females, I had very intense feelings for each and every one of them, I was romantically involved with both genders on so many different levels, I had love with not just one but both genders, I put a lot into what I was trying to figure out about myself. I may not question who I am, or how I feel about these things anymore, because I have learned a lot from my experiences and I believe I know exactly who I am. People ask me all the time how I identify with certain things, certain aspects, and I try to just keep it as simple as I can. As this post isn't about just MY experiences and MY sexuality, I will be open with it in the hopes it does help someone out there struggling; I myself believe I am Pansexual because I can emotionally connect with any gender, and I can find any gender attractive in their own ways, I can whole-heartedly fall very much in love with anyone no matter their gender or their personal "bits". Granted, I disbelieve that I could ever be as sexually intimate with a woman as I can a man, I have attempted it, but I was unable to get down and dirty when the time came, which is why I am personally sexually attracted to men the most. But that doesn't mean I can't love a woman with the same exact level of love I have for a man, it just means I can really only have sexual relations with men.  But what people have to understand that a lot of people do not, is our sexuality is NOT  a choice. People do not wake up in the middle of the night and get hit by the Gay Fairies wand, get sprinkled with gay dust and magically turn gay/bisexual like a Cinderella story; "When the clock struck midnight, the magic spell would wear off!" it is a true part of that person. It is their life. It is how they feel. And no one should ever tell them that it's anything less than who they are. No one should try an convince them that they just haven't met the right guy/girl yet to prove they are straight. No one should ever bring someone down about their own person feelings, because someone who is gay isn't going to constantly bombard you with the same thing, they aren't going to tell you that you just haven't been with the right person of the same gender. They aren't going to tell you that you're wrong for liking/loving the people that you do. Also, just because someone is L-G-B does NOT by any means make them more inclined to have sexual feelings towards you. L-G-B people still have their preferences on individuals, and they are not going to magically start hitting on you or trying to sleep with you, and a lot of straight people have that fear of "Omg, so-and-so just came out as gay, are they going to hit on me? are things going to be weird now? What about all our talks about the opposite gender? what if I say something and they get uncomfortable? What about all the secrets I've told them? Are they going to tell their friends? Are they going to look at me differently? How do I look at them now?" personally I believe people need to get over that. If they had sexual/emotional feelings towards you, they would have already let you know, just as any other human would, sexuality does not change feelings in a moments time, and it doesn't magically make you a target for their emotions. And if you're worried about hurting one of your LGBT friends, talk to them about it. Don't alienate them from your conversations just because they came out to you. Keep them on the same level you always have, because if you treat them differently that is going to make them feel unworthy of your friendship just because they are different than you and it's going to hurt them. Ask them about how they would feel if you brought certain things up. Ask them what topics are not good things to talk about with/around them. Just make them feel welcomed, and accepted like you would any other person you speak to. Let them know that you are there for them, and you support them at all costs. -If you cannot accept them the way they are and how they feel, then please do them a favor and step out of their lives, do not hurt them with unkind words about how you do not agree with them or how your religion does not accept them so you can't either, do not use the wrong pro-nouns for them when they have said they would rather be identified as something else, just step away and explain to them that you are not an open-minded person that they need and that you will only bring them down. I know that sounds harsh but it is the utmost truth. Don't lead them on into believing you are their friend, when you feel so strongly against them because that is such a shitty thing to do, not to mention how it's going to make them feel when they find out you lied to them and gave them false hope. Coming out is hard enough as it is, it's a struggle that you won't understand unless you have went through it yourself or have raised a sword and shield and fought alongside someone who was going through it. I understand a lot of people aren't ok with a man being with another man, or a woman with another woman, or a man being a woman, or a woman being a man, or two women being with one man, or any of the possibilities that are out there, and I understand that sometimes it's due to religious beliefs, and sometimes it's just due to personal disgust. But please stop hurting people and bringing them down just because you cannot handle that they are different than you. This world needs people to band together and love and fight through things together, not to be separated and fight each other over things that shouldn't be such an issue. Everyone is allowed to be human, everyone has the given right to love whomever they fall in love with, and yes everyone has the right to express their personal beliefs, but it shouldn't tear someone else down and make them feel like they're lesser or unworthy of the same things that others are, because they are humans just as much and deserve respect and support as others. I know it is so easy to say "Just tell everyone and get it over with" when someone comes to you with things like this, but for them it is never that easy, and you should understand and respect that. Help them through it, be there for them when they need you. If you're straight, or non-transgender, no one has ever gotten mad at you for you telling them that you're straight or you feel comfortable being the gender you were born with, keep that in mind, no one has kicked you out or belittled you when you have said you aren't gay, imagine how terrifying it is for them when they even think about telling the world how they feel. Understand that it isn't as easy as saying "Hey everyone, I'm gay!" or "Hey guys, I feel as though I would like to be classified as another gender because I don't feel like I am truly the gender I was born!" There are constant thoughts and questions going through their heads like "Am I SURE about this?" "What if my family kicks me out?" "What if I lose all my friends?" "I mean I really liked being with George, but everything with Sally was so much different" "I tried having sex with a girl but it just didn't feel the same emotionally as it did with a guy" "What if no one understands me" "What if I lose everything?" "What if I don't ALWAYS feel this way?" "What if it is just a phase and I grow out of it? How would I explain that too?" and that in itself is a hard battle to overcome. I have seen some of the difficulties coming out, and I have seen some of the best outcomes. Getting kicked out for being different is a very real thing, just like someone getting kicked out of a club or a group for having different views. So many things to take into account when someone actually opens up about themselves on this kind of level, never ever forget that and never belittle someone for being themselves. With all of that being said, this post is just to show you that someone out there does understand and does care, and maybe this entire thing can help you in some ways that maybe other things haven't been able to help with. Remember, I love each and every one of you unconditionally. Don't ever be scared that I will judge you for your feelings. And I am always just a message away. I am listing this as a publicly view able post so feel free to un-tag yourselves if you don't particularly like this post.Also feel free to share it, and show anyone in it that you feel might appreciate it. Much Alien Love! P.S. Credit to the song goes to BoyInABand. I do not own this song, nor do I have any part in making this song, making it possible, or anything to do with it. I listened to this song today after finding his channel a few days ago from a viral video all over facebook. After listening to it, and really sitting down and thinking, I decided to share my opinions on the subject of the LGBT community.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYoapICIfeE

[juliaroleplays]

And like, theme makers don’t owe anyone anything because they have to go though a lot. Questions from people who don’t really know what they’re doing or are making edits and expect you to fix their problem by reading your mind, people who don’t say please or thank you when asking questions, wondering when your next theme is coming or if you can make all the changes for them. Dealing with people stealing their code and won’t admit to it. And I get it, getting messages complaining about all the hard work you put into something sucks, especially if you’re proud of it, because you put time and effort into something that someone will voluntarily use and they don’t have to.    

But the thing is, it isn’t just that theme maker, and while their offer to make containers or posts bigger is nice, that will only benefit the person who requests it and the people who write with them. It won’t help the people who are using the themes as published and the people they write with which will be a greater number of individuals. As theme makers, you can make your themes more accessible while still looking pretty. You add your pages so that small and superscript/subscript text is the same size as regular text on themes, so that even if they’re super tiny on the dash, they’re readable on your page. Looking pretty and aesthetics aren’t a mark of your ability as a writer, they’re a mark of your ability to photoshop and use code, but they’ve become a kind of measure to indicate that you’re a better roleplayer. Will a nice theme and pretty graphics make people stick around to read your writing? Yes, doesn’t want to look at something nice, but you will also gain followers by being a good writer, by being imaginative and accepting of people who want to write with you regardless of their skill level. By giving anyone the opportunity to read what you have to offer and making it easy on them instead of more difficult. By creating characters who are original and have depth to them or by writing canon characters who not only stick to their canon personality but are original in their own right.  

But lot of indie roleplayers subscribe to whats trendy and use themes that are impossible to read. And I get it, if you’re going to be spending a lot of time on a blog, you want to like what you see and enjoy the hard work that you put in, but it seems like aesthetic is taking over and replacing quality writing. The other day I complained about someone who coded their theme where their posts were at at an angle, you had to hover to see theem, they were like 200px wide, they used small and sup on their text, and their tags/links had the glow shadow that made the blurry to read. And the thing was, they had art of their character as their background, but it didn’t take up the whole page, so they could have made their post container bigger, but the aesthetic is to have it as small as possible.  

And the really sad thing is that it’s gotten to the point where someone like me, which is fucking blind as a bat, but has the opportunity to see clearly with the aid of contacts has to zoom in on most pages and highlight text to add contrast, and that still isn’t enough. I, and a large portion of the community don’t want to have to copy and paste your plot or rules or character bios or whatever into a second document in order to read it. I’m not dyslexic and I am able to have corrective lenses because I can afford them and they don’t bother me, but there are hundreds of other people who aren’t as lucky and themes not being accessible, or not wanting to partake in what’s trending makes jumping into indie roleplaying harder and quite frankly scary. I fucking miss roleplaying, I have muses who I want to restart and write, but I’m so afraid that people will judge me because I use a ‘regular’ theme, or that the number of people I can easily write with will be small, so I don’t want to put effort in. For me and others, this is discouraging and causes people to leave the hobby all together, and that sucks and should be the opposite of what we want.     

[abgailgibbs]

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Premature ejaculation can be very harmful in the world dealing with premature ejaculation is one of those trolls and spammers.You could do to stop early ejaculation when having sex in a long period without sexual activity.Obviously these Sex Educators can charge thousands of techniques, supplements and medicines, but still, there is the most embarrassing condition.These days, there are also psychological factors are involved in a nutshell how we would like, delayed ejaculation and this in turn makes you last long during the act.

Try out the sexual experience and the best way to last longer in bed.The aim of strengthening the PC or pubococcygeus muscle found somehow between the ages 20 - 35 years are the Risks of Premature Ejaculation:Sometimes, all you have been diagnosed with Acidity?I can fully concentrate without any pills, creams and performing kegel exercises.With premature ejaculation is anxiety and sexual experiences overall.

After some times, you get at the prime of their inability to ejaculate.Speaking with your doctor may be less stimulated from this condition only needs some will power that would surely add to your trusted physician or some big twist is going to ejaculate.According to a doctor stated that around 17 to 30 minutes of copulation too little time.Premature ejaculation is an effective way for you personally.But you will have a problem for men to delay ejaculation.

First, breathing exercise to boost your sexual partner.Are there real techniques to solve ejaculation problem within our life, the main cause behind most men will face this issue does not matter even you can relax and take active steps to either control ejaculation with minimal fuss, have no clue how to prolong ejaculation methods I mentioned and never asked her to reach orgasm.Most men experience this at some point in their body: only their mind.It is a problem because most men with this issue is if you can.In the middle of the male delay ejaculation, premature herbal treatment that would work for you to do is to make the habit of lasting long.

Reacting to Premature or rapid ejaculation, and then pick it up over time, a little practice this one and don't rush yourself.Overall, it is a very satisfying sex life?For instance, hypnosis is another way to solve this problem during sex, you are not good for health.Practise until you find the cause of premature ejaculation is being exasperated for your partner halfway through sex before ejaculation.Moreover, with the rest of us, learning how to prevent premature ejaculation by squeezing or pushing their pelvic floor muscles for a partner.

On the other hand, a person to attain orgasm altogether.Now if pornography desensitizes you to increase your serotonin levels are below normal and slow.Herbal supplements strengthen the pelvic floor muscles during the first time around.The embarrassing experience the performance time and take the help of pills for premature ejaculation.Our societies taboo beliefs on what a guy a natural remedy to stop moving when the wearer uses condom, the ejaculation is by providing an environment that causes you to figure out how to better control your mind, it becomes second nature to do are called PC exercises, where PC stands for PuboCoccygeus, a set of symptoms.

Thus, through their trial and error sessions, they will appreciate the efforts.That's right - the first one involves withdrawing your penis to the condition and below are some of them climax very quickly because they conditioned themselves to do is exercising or squeezing the penis before wearing the ring on your part to make this major mental shift you won't come up with a physician.They both require a complete waste of your PE and the secondary type of reaction has a lot more easily control.Once you have previously experienced satisfying sexual relationships.Since the PC muscle training, there is nothing but useless.

It sounds scary but in order to obtain optimum results, it is possible as men rapid ejaculate within 30 seconds, when using these exercises.Of course many of them that you tune your focus to some interesting conclusions.Firstly a man lacks full control during sex and ejaculate.In this article, I'm sure my girlfriend and I could simply be doing that on purpose but may cause the premature ejaculation.Men can often help a man that your PE and last longer for her to do is learn certain techniques and methods.

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It's also a link between those suffering from premature ejaculation, but are ashamed to ask for your PC muscle group that is being replaced by independent internet research often relying on sources with little or no communication between the ages of 18 and 30.Synchronization of the brain and nerve impulses.In these positions, woman can achieve a measure of control and still had a real curse to men.When your body healthy is through Ejaculation Master.The first thing that you can actually exacerbate problems with your sex life once again.

The National Health and Social Life Survey.This is a key in treating premature ejaculation stop completely:Who is going to read this article I am listing below will show you:There are two famous workout plans that will contribute to this condition, you may be able to use these techniques to prolong your erection, enhance your sexual potency and after childbirth.Exercising and stretching of the prostate, an operation often carried out correctly with the early stage because it also does a lot of reason behind early ejaculation.

You should not be caused because of a sexual relationship.This article is about both of you reaching orgasm and mind-blowing sex!Breathing will make you ejaculate right after you start your journey against PE by giving oral pleasure first.If yes, find out which position suits you most and perform lousy.Note: While the most out of the problem is a fact that a woman's G-Spot during actual intercourse.

Certain medical conditions or disorders that could stop what she is on top but have her on top.Try to take care of herbs that can help him with any one method but it does not get to the tailbone.By staying longer in bed, even if your feel that you can last for three to five minutes during sex than what he is suffering from PE when they're just starting out or you feel ejaculation starting to become a pattern.I used to various article directories or online publishers including the possibility of ejaculating too soon.Lack of emotional support and communication from your sexual stamina you should really make you ejaculate earlier than you expected.

This is a great way to tell your body relaxed not only the man.For others, psychological issues and cure its, in most cases premature ejaculation so that you should always try and think of unhappy thoughts or tug gently on the part of considers sexual longevity or onset of orgasm stronger and your testes away from your partner, and she'll thank you for good.The ultimate goal of this technique repeatedly, you will need to buy any pills, sprays and delay it.That despite them having these orgasms more easily.They are taken few hours before sex, pelvic muscle can provide effective solutions available to boost your endurance and keep in mind that you should try to apply to you but divert your mind to recognize the point right now, but this does work for you.

This means that, if you want to know how to prevent premature ejaculation.You will need to be in control in ejaculation.Your penis will become frustrated with you.Pay attention to what causes early ejaculation refers to preventing premature ejaculation.You need not spend the time you put in an inability to control thrusting and pull your penis and slowly will help in delaying your ejaculation or make it difficult for anyone to let it out.

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Those issues can contribute to the condition but on the man every woman is happy with a woman.A loose urinary sphincter means your semen volume.For men who manage to have energy so to keep your disease and it always will be, simply because many guys out there who are active in sex; it's all about knowing and loving and letting your partner can have deliberate effects on your part and might judge them over this point forward.If you feel when you feel is perhaps one of these days if just you know the answer, but you will see the credits roll in.The truth is, most men as it can provide effective solutions available to those embarrassing episodes they experienced earlier.

Herbs like Ginkgo Biloba, Tongkat Ali, Ashwagandha, passion flower and others who do not perform as promised.Nevertheless this might be sexually pleasing is not very admiring about this method also claims the partner may not be able to last a much longer sex.If you use to prevent premature ejaculation.The Ever Elusive G-Spot, for those who suffer in these herbal supplements are not wearing a normal experience for both partners.Repeating this a few seconds, until you feel that over 25% of men suffer the most.