#also I recommend you all to check the lyrics here…

[1655charlos]

Last year of Charlos as teammates ♥️

[renard-dartigue]

Hi now i'm curious what is the beef with the rappers

Man this is going to be long so I'll try to keep this simple and entertaining. I hope this comes across as clear cause I'm shook right now.

Here is a glossarie to break thing up:

Prologue (The Spark 🔥)

Round 1.1 (Physical Education 💪🏾)

Interlude part 1 (Roots 🏠)

Round 1.2 (2 Warning Shots 🔫)

Interlude part 2 (Pusha the Seer 👁)

Round 2.1 (Knifes Out 🔪 )

Round 2.2 (The Nuke 💥)

Epilogue (All eyes on him 👀)

My Theory 🤷🏾‍♂️

Highly recommend checking out the tracks yourself while you read along.

Prologue (The Spark)

Let it be known that I am a neutral party and that I don't take sides when it comes to rap beef. I was here for the music and creativity. I am just trying to recount events to the best of my knowledge. Sorry if some details are inaccurate.

Okay so basically, Drake, J Cole, and Kendrick Lamar are the Big 3 of the rap world right now.

A month ago, Future and Metro Boomin (two rapper who supposedly don't fuck with Drake anymore) released a song with Kendrick Lamar called "Like That". In the song Kendrick took a shot at Drake and J Cole, saying there isn't a big 3, its only him on top.

4 weeks ago J Cole dropped a track called "7 Minute Drill" that is dissing Kendrick. However, in a move that is very uncharacteristic of J, he took down the official track and formally apologized to Kendrick. Thus signaling his exit from the rap battle.

ROUND 1.1 (Physical Ed)

Drake on the other hand dropped "Push Ups" 2 weeks ago, a diss track that went after other rappers he doesn't like but mainly Kendrick. In it, he made fun of Kendrick's height and his contracts. He then ends the song with "I was really try'n keep it PG" meaning he has a nuke on Kendrick that people don't know.

Not long later, Drake dropped ANOTHER diss track "Taylor Made Freestyle" with Ai voices of Snoop Dog and fucking 2PAC! Kendrick has stated before that 2pac is one of his idols so this must have been a deep cut. In the song Drake claims Kendrick doesn't write his own music and uses the writers of Taylor Swift. Relating a rapper to pop music is seen as disrespectful.

INTERLUDE PART 1 (Roots)

Before I continue, I want to give a brief run down on how the public perceives these two rappers.

Drake portrays himself as a superstar, he's always on social media flaunting his success and partying with other celebrities, seeing alot of women and living a lavish lifestyle. His music is catchy, something you put on in the club. Most of his fan base praise him for his sick beats and witty lyrics. He's been in the music industry for a while and is no push over.

Kendrick Lamar is a very private person, doesn't expose anything about his personal life unless its on a track. He almost never gets into fights with anyone. He is a family man, stressing the importance of being there for his wife and son and encourages other fathers to do the same. His fan base praise him for his creative lyrics and highlighting the black American condition.

ROUND 1.2 (2 Warning Shots)

2 Day ago, Kendrick Lamar came back with his first official diss track on Drake called "Euphoria". In this song, Kendrick goes in on Drakes fake personality. Drake has always been known around the community as a bit of a poser, he grew up in Canada and was raised by his white mother, a relatively comfortable childhood. He was a star on the popular show Degassi when he was young. garnering him a fan base early in his career. Kendrick doesn't approve of Drake appropriating black American culture and acting like he some tough guy. When in reality he is a Canadian nerd thats disrespectful to 2pac. All throughout the song, Kendrick hits at things that many people have know about Drake, such as his behavior around underage girls. He also called Drake a deadbeat father who isn't in his son's life, even referencing his lost battle to Pusha T. Then Kendrick finally warns him that he has more dirt that he is willing to share if Drake takes things further.

Similar to Drake, Kendrick dropped another track called "6:16 in LA" later that day. This song focuses on Drake's environment, specifically the people he hangs with. Kendrick implies that Drake paid people to dig into his background and when they didn't find anything, Drake made up stuff instead. Kendrick then says that someone in Drakes group is leaking information to him about something even more serious. Also planting a seed in Drake's mind that his supposed friends don't actually like him, just like the clout from hanging around him.

INTERLUDE PART 2 (Pusha the Seer)

Taking a quick break again, we need to discuss something that occurred long before Drake's battle with Kendrick.

5 years ago, Drake was in a rap battle with rapper Pusha T, someone who was smaller than Drake at the time in terms of popularity. Pusha dropped a song called "The Story of Adidon" where he dropped a bomb that Drake had a kid and wasn't taking care of him. Drake initially denied it but it was later revealed to be true.

Since then Drake has never responded to Pusha T's diss track, making Pusha the current winner. And Kendrick is bringing it back into the light.

Round 2.1 (Knifes Out)

Around 2 am EST time of May 4th, Drake drops his diss track, "Family Matters" one of his strongest songs, switching his flow 3 times in the span of 7 minutes. In true Drake fashion, its a club song with a catchy beat. Like his previous diss, its aimed at multiple people but the main focus is on Kendrick, even bring up "I was really try'n keep this PG".

Drake doubles down on his black identity and mocks the fact that Kendrick and other rappers are saying he isn't black, (incorrectly assuming that they are coming at him for being mixed when the real issue is that he is appropriating black American rap culture as a Canadian mixed man who grew up in a safe environment) Drake not only calls Kendrick a fraud who only raps about black issues for attention, Or that his activism is performative. He makes a shocking claims that Kendrick is a wife beater. Then Drake says that Kendrick's son doesn't belong to him and implies Kendrick's producer was the real father.

The track caused an uproar. But only for the span of 15 minutes. Because Kendrick did the unthinkable.

ROUND 2.2 (THE NUKE)

Almost as if expecting Drake's move, Kendrick Lamar did what no one saw coming. He dropped his diss track "Meet The Grahams" about 15 minutes after Drake released "Family Matters".

This time around, in a fashion almost unheard of from him, Kendrick strips all the usual metaphors from his lyricism and structures his track like he is speaking to Drake and his family, 4 parts per individual.

Kendrick begins by speaking to Drakes Son, Adonis, the same son Pusha T exposed Drake for neglecting 5 years ago. He's apologizing to him for his father's behavior. Kendrick speaks to him softly but sternly like a mentor, telling him not to be like his father. Kendrick tells Adonis all the things Drake did and warns him not to do them too: involved with escorts, plastic surgery to appear more black, surgery to look more muscular, hiding a kid. (Kendrick stresses that Adonis is black regardless of being mixed, further highlighting that he isn't discrediting Drake's blackness because he's mixed but because he isn't being himself.) Finishing of by telling the kid to be proud of who he is.

The second half is Kendrick addressing Drake's mother and father, Sandra and Denise. Kendrick speaks to her like he's revealing tragic news, explaining to her that her son is involved in disgusting things. He goes down a list of things, his tone growing more intense and angry. Kendrick then claimed that Drake is employing and enabling pedos in his group, and hopes they die. Even implying that his group is going to be raided by the feds some day.

The third half is the MOST shocking of all. Kendrick begins talking to an unnamed individual, simply calls her babygirl. Similar to Adonis, Kendrick takes on a somber tone and apologizes to her for Drakes behavior. He says its not her fault Drake abandoned her, says that she is deserving of love. He warns her not to become a target for people like Drake to pray on and says she has so much to offer the world.

Kendrick revealed Drake has ANOTHER kid and isn't in their life! (Allegedly)

To close of, the fourth half is Kendrick speaking directly to Drake, his tone tired. He tries to reiterate that he doesn't have hate for him. However, Kendrick says Drake was the first one to go after his family and he couldn't let it slide. He once again calls for Drake to take the mask off. Then says this isn't a rap battle anymore, tells Drake he is fighting himself.

Epilogue (All eyes on him)

And so here we are, waiting for what will happen next.

Drake posted an Instagram story denying the claim he has another kid. But given what happened with Pusha T, we can't quite take his word for it yet. We should wait a bit to see if anything comes out.

Kendrick hasn't put out a statement on Drake's claims about him but given the recurring theme of Drake being a manipulative lier, Kendrick clearly denies it. Given how private he is, its difficult to prove or disprove it. Much like Drake's claims, we will have to wait and see if any evidence comes out about it.

Drake and Kendrick stans are at eachothers throats right now, arguing over who one and whats real or fake.

Right now everyone is looking to see if Drake is going to continue the battle or stay silent like he did with Pusha.

My Theory

Personally as an outside observer who only followed the beef for good music. I think this goes beyond a simple rap battle.

Here is my theory: Someone from Drake's clique told Kendrick that Drake and his producers were writing something about him. Real or fake, Kendrick was pissed. And so he drafted 3 tracks, dumping everything he hates about Drake into them. And then, with the leaker's help, Kendrick baited Drake into a battle, goading Drake to drop the "Family Matters" track so he can shut the battle down with "Meet the Grahams". Or maybe his first 2 tracks were a warning to Drake that if he released a track with lies on him he would reveal he has another kid.

I do think Kendrick initially had good intentions in trying to help Drake be a better person. But maybe the more he learned about Drake the less sympathetic he felt.

But I don't know thats just how I see it.

Thanks for reading my essay. I hope it made sense heh. I encourage healthy discussions in the comments and reblogs please. But everyone agrees that Drake is inappropriate with young girls. We won't argue over that.

[alastor-simp]

Cater, Ortho, Silver, Neige, Chenya, and Rollo Flamme with a reader who sings like Japanese Singer "Ado"

Thank you @ayachansan for recommending me to do the other twst characters I missed. I will include some of the side characters as well. Enjoy Everyone

Cater Diamond📱

📱Cater was the king of keeping up with the latest music and fashion trends, This man was a social media addict, so it wouldn't be a surprised if he hadn't heard of you before.

📱He had seen many of his followers on Magicam talking about a very popular mysterious singer that had exploded all over the web. He was interested in what was so popular about this new singer, but after watching a few music videos, he quickly became a fan.

📱Cater was so amazed that he sent links to Trey and all of his other friends, including you, little did he know that you were that famous singer. His discovery of your talent happened when he was heading towards your dorm, and heard someone singing the lyrics of one of the songs from the famous singer. Cater then saw that it was you singing the song, while sitting on your bed, surrounded by various recording equipment.

📱Cater literally fangirled and ran towards you, hugging you tightly. He couldn't believe that the famous singer was you. The music videos were all animated so they didn't reveal your face, so it shocked him even more that the beautiful voice belong to you.

📱After calming down a little bit, you told Cater that you were a very popular singer from your home-world, and you preferred to keep your face hidden during your performances, but you were very happy that he loved your singing so much. Cater really wanted to question why you hid your face, but he stopped himself since as long as you were comfortable with it, he wouldn't stop you.

📱Cater would be one of your top commenters on your music videos, posting so many hearts and hashtags, yet he kept the selfies to a minimum when he hanged out with you since he still respected your privacy. His favorite song of yours was "missing", he loved how rock and roll the song was, but also how the message of the song is looking for connections with others.

Ortho Shroud🤖

🤖Ortho was very fascinated about data and learning about new information that he didn't know about. He was interested in videos games and anime like his nii-san was and he enjoyed exploring more on his own time.

🤖Ortho had heard his nii-san talk about a very popular singer that was rising in the charts lately. Both him and his brother became very big fans. The animations were top-tier and the singers voice was heavenly. Ortho really wanted to his brother to go to one your your concerts since he was such a fan, but persuading him to go outside of his room was going to be a problem.

🤖All three of you were playing videos games in Idia's room, as you both had become very good friends after the whole S.T.Y.X. incident. Idia was talking up a storm about the famous singer and him and his brother had no idea that you were that said singer.

🤖Finally gathering up enough courage, you told both Idia and Ortho that you were that singer. Both of them stood shocked, but Idia looked like he needed more evidence, so you sang a few lyrics from one of your popular songs, and BAM he was 100% convinced. While Idia was passed out from the shock, Ortho flew at you and tackled you in a hug, calling you amazing, and asking you a bazillion questions.

🤖After that, you had told Ortho that you were a very popular singer in your world and you decided to continue doing what you loved here in this world, but with your identity hidden of course. Ortho was just happy that you were doing what you loved but he did say to check in with him or nii-san if you were feeling stressed out or needed a break from singing. Ortho also really wanted him and his brother to create the next music video animation for you, as it would mean the world to him and his brother

🤖His favorite song of yours is "KokoroToIuNanoFukakai", he likes the medical theme of the video and how the song is complex emotions are.

Silver💤

💤Silver was too busy improving his skills as a knight to really pay attention to things like music. He knew Lilia was part of the Pop Music club and had heard some of the songs that him and his club would sing, but nothing more then that. Also he had the tendency to fall asleep when listening to music, so even if he attempted it, it would result in him going into dreamland.

💤Silver was resting in the botanical gardens, when he heard the sound of humming nearby. He surprisingly woke up, which was a shock to him as he usually would be too deep in sleep to wake up to something like that. Walking around the gardens, he had spotted you, leaning against a tree, humming to yourself, with some birds scattered around you, enjoying your singing

💤Sensing someone next to you, you spotted Silver standing next to you with a blank expression, Greeting him, you asked what he was doing at the garden, and he said he had taken a rest near one of the bushes there and heard the sound of you humming. Realizing that you had woken him up, you apologized but Silver just shook his head and gave you his prince-like smile, saying it was fine, and that he found your singing beautiful.

💤Silver sat down next to you and placed his head on your lap, most likely still tired from waking up from his nap. He asked you if you sang other songs and you placed your hand on his head, and told him that you were a very famous singer from your world and since you can't head back to your world for now, you would continue doing your singing career here. Silver continue to smile at you and said he would enjoy listening to you sing a bit more. Giggling, you sang a very soothing song that relaxed Silver and made him fall back asleep

💤Silver would become more interested in music now especially yours. He was still trying to get use to some of your songs since you did sing a lot of rock or metal songs, but he did love your ballads as your voice was so heavenly. He actually came to your concerts, and tried very hard to stay awake as he didn’t want to fall asleep during your performance.

💤His favorite song of yours is “Where The Wind Blows” he finds the song very beautiful and loves the animation.

Neige LeBlanche✨

✨Neige was a very famous actor. He has performed and sang in so many songs and has played as the main character in a lot of movies and plays. Despite being famous, he never met the fame get to his head and was the same adorable sweet boy he always was.

✨While attending RSA, he has heard a lot of his students talk about an amazing singer who has been trending a lot lately. Neige was very curious who the singer was as he had listened to the songs and was very enamored with them, but since the music videos were animated, he wasn’t able to see who the singer was

✨Neige had discovered who you were when he visited Nobel Bell College. He had visited with Chenya but lost sight of him as Chenya was being sneaky and turned invisible again, so Neige was by himself. He heard the sounds of someone signing and recognized that voice and rushed over. Spotting someone in the distance, he saw you sitting by yourself on one of the benches near the City of Flowers.

✨You were too lost in singing to realized that Neige was standing right in front of you. Upon realizing, you covered your mouth, apologizing profusely if your singing disturb him. Neige was sparkling, and he sat next to you. He literally went off on an adorable speech about how amazing your voice was and how happy he was able to find who the unknown singer was as he was a big fan.

✨Feeling shy, you looked away from Neige and explained to him that you sang a lot from your world, and decided to continue doing it here, but you were insistent on keeping your identity hidden. Neige hugged you and said it was okay no matter what you did. If doing that makes you feel comfortable, then continue doing it. His words made you smile, and you hugged the sweet boy back.

✨Despite being at two different schools, Neige made sure to keep in contact with you, messaging you to ask how your day was and to not overwork since singing so much can strain the voice. He did suggest to you if you wanted to work on a song together if you were comfortable doing it, and you agreed which made Neige very happy.

✨He loves all of your songs and listens to them 24/7, but his number once fave is your cover of "Snow Song Show". He finds the song very cute and loves the Christmas theme.

Chenya😸

😸This adorable rascal is the definition of chaotic. He listens to all genres of music as he is not picky whatsoever. He tends to listen to more silly songs as they make him laugh. He had heard Neige mention a new singer that was becoming very popular on the internet and it quickly pique his interest. Immediate fan the minute he heard your voice. He could not get over how much range your voice could reach and the animations for the music video were amazing.

😸Chenya was feeling in the mood to head over to Heartslabyul to play some tricks on the students, as well as see Riddle and Trey. He used his unique magic to turn invisible as not to be spotted by the other students, unless he wanted to be chased out due to the rivalry between both schools. Walking through the maze, his ears wiggled as he picked up the sounds of someone singing.

😸Venturing closer to the sound, Chenya was able to spot you, sitting in the middle of the maze, writing down what looked to be lyrics on a piece of paper. Mmm well well, so you were the singer that everyone was talking about. Feeling mischievous, Chenya made his head visible and popped up next you, causing you to jump in fright.

😸"Hehehe, so you are the talented singer aren't you, little mouse nyah~" Chenya smiled down at you, as he turned his body visible again, and sat down next to you, wrapping his tail around your waist. Realizing it was Chenya, you relaxed and smiled at him. Chenya went on to question you further about your singing and you told him about your world and how you use to sing a lot of songs when you were younger, and then got offered a contract by a very popular music industry and as time went on you became a very famous music sensation, but you were use to keeping your face hidden and would continue doing it that way.

😸Chenya listened to your explanation and didn't question further about the no showing of the face thing, but he was happy for you that you were still doing what you enjoyed even in a new world. Being how he is, he just wrapped his arms around you and nuzzled your head like a cat, as a way of him showing his support. Chenya would show up much more now at NRC, checking in on you to see how you were doing and to make sure you were not stressed with your career. He did have the tendency make his head appear using his unique magic whenever you were in your room, preparing for a new song. It did annoy you a bit, but it was just Chenya being Chenya, so you were fine with it

😸His favorite song of yours is "Fleeting Lullaby". He loves how crazy the animation is, but also likes how the song is about music connecting people together.

Rollo Flamme🔔

🔔Rollo was a man of tradition. As being the board president of Nobel Bell College, he had no time to meddle with the likes of music and other forms of distraction. He does, however, enjoy the festivities that are held at Fleur City, but he prefers to dwell in them on his own terms. When on his own time, he does listen to more classical music when he is studying. The sound from the Bell of Salvation is another thing he enjoys hearing as well, as he finds it very beautiful

🔔After his plan to destroy all magic failed, he had to give in to the demands and continue to hold the masquerade for the students of NRC. The event was going well and he noticed that everyone was becoming acquainted with one another. "Hmph", he said to himself, and departed from the event and headed outside to enjoy the fresh air. He had arrived to the center of the college where the Righteous Judge statue was standing, and let out a sigh. Unbeknownst to him, there was another person there as well, and they were singing a random tune. This got Rollo's attention and he walked closer to the noise, and spotted you, sitting on one grassy areas next to the statue.

🔔Lost in your singing, you didn't notice Rollo was next to you, until you heard a cough. Seeing Rollo in front of you, you apologize, waving your hands up and down, feeling bad that you interrupted his stroll. Rollo put his hand up to stop your rant, and said he wasn't upset. Both of you just stared at each other in silence, but you decided to break that and patted the spot next to you, gesturing to Rollo to sit next to you.

🔔Rollo turned his nose up at that, as he didn't want to dirty his clothes, but you kept insisting, so he just heaved a sigh and sat next to you with his hands crossed in front of him. "May I ask why you are out here and not inside with the others?", Rollo asked. You just shrugged and said you needed some air especially how eventful the day was. Rollo grimaced at that, but said nothing, and continued sitting in silence.

🔔 "Your singing is very bewitching, I'm surprised you didn't join Malleus and the others went they had their little performance.", Rollo said as he gave you a rare smile. You told him about you coming to this world, and how you were a very big singer, but you rather your face/identity be kept hidden. Rollo listened to you talk, and just nodded his head at your words. You told him that if he wanted, he could attend one of your concerts if he wanted to.

🔔Rollo just shook his head as he was too busy with his duties to deal with things like that, but he did give you his phone number, if you wanted to converse and possibly send him any songs you have performed, just nothing too extreme as he wasn't fond of rock or metal. Nodding your head, you thanked him and continue to sit next to him in silence, enjoying the comforting atmosphere.

🔔After heading back to NRC, you and Rollo continue to chat together via messages, whenever you had time as you both had very busy schedules. Rollo was developing a bit of a soft spot for you, as here you were, a person with no magic placed in a world with magic users, yet you didn't mind it and continued doing what you enjoyed most, which he respected. Despite him not attending your concerts, you would receive a beautiful vase of roses addressed from him, as a way of showing his support. His favorite song of yours is "God-ish", he likes the use of the concept "God" in the song, and likes how much vocal range you hit in the song.

[elodee]

HERMIT A DAY MAY - DAY 2

Xisuma x Dethklok

I drew Xisuma in the style of a Dethklok music video!

I picked this one for him because X is a big fan of metal and I am a big fan of Dethklok, a fictional death metal band from the show Metalocalypse. Even though the band is fictional, they produce real metal and their music is great.

Warning: Metalocalypse is hilarious but also very adult, with graphic depictions of violence and inappropriate themes - this extends to a much of Dethklok's music and music videos as well, so please be aware of that if you decide to look them up. Obviously I wont be posting anything like that here.

If you want to learn more about Metalocalypse and Dethklok, or just want to see my style references, keep reading below the cut!

Dethklok is a fictional band created by Brendon Small and Tommy Blacha. Small both writes and is the main performer for the band. The band, consisting of 5 members that don't actually exist, are stars of the show Metalocalypse.

In the show, Dethklok has become so popular that they control the entire planet. Nearly every episode ends with the band performing one of their original songs, which somehow causes horrific violence to everyone listening. However, since they are idiots, they also seem oblivious to the destruction their awesome, face-melting, eldritch-beast-summoning music causes...or they just don't care because they're ultra wealthy megastars.

The show heavily, but lovingly, satirizes the metal scene and, less lovingly, the music industry and celebrity in general. The over-the-top gore is played for laughs, but the characters are interesting and endearing. There is genuinely a lot of heart under all that growling and corpse paint and a lot of care goes into their (often very funny) music.

If you are interested in checking out their music and want a PG track, I recommend Go Into the Water. This is one of their few non-violent music videos (big epilepsy warning though) and there's no profanity or graphic imagery in the lyrics. The premise of the song is that the band realized that fish can't listen to metal because they're in the ocean, and they thought that was sad, so they set up a concert just for the fish.

Style references:

Set design/aesthetic from Black Fire Upon Us (this song is awesome and was my primary design reference, but the music video is VERY violent, so be warned)

Nathan Explosion's evil DnD paladin fit also from Black Fire Upon Us

Dethklok's band logo

[kedsandtubesocks]

dance away your cowboy blues

Country Singer!Joel Miller x F!Reader

summary: who knew the man with the voice of an angel could break your heart this bad?

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY MDNI, modern/no outbreak AU & Joel has both his daughters, exes to lovers with eventual husband!Joel, angst followed up by good sweet fluff, concert venue, light drinking mention, Joel being stubborn & bad at feelings, hints of spice, fools in love, reader is addressed as ‘honey, darlin,’ use of song lyrics in fic, Pearl Jam & Taylor Swift song mentions, soft & heartbroken!Joel, lovesick!Joel

word count: 6k

a/n: here we are - the last installment in our ‘Let’s Rodeo’ series & I’m so incredibly grateful to finally make it here, also this is my mini tribute to our boy and his SAG award! The main song Joel sings is this one and I highly recommend! Thank you to my forever babe @the-wild-wolves-around-you for letting me scream about plot holes & aiding my Joel brainrot, @tightjeansjavi for always being down to chat about Joel, and to @lowlights & @ahauntedcowboy for being my ever guiding forces for this series, thank you all… And finally to you reading this, thank you so much ♡

A year ago, Joel broke up with you on a warm early spring morning.

He arrived at your apartment, sat you down and shattered your world. You felt every range of emotion as he simply stood there like a man of steel.

So upset and angry, you wanted to rip your heart out and throw it at him.

Then later that week you found out his record was officially getting picked up and you crumbled.

Ending your relationship simply because he was about to step into true proper fame - you never took Joel to be a man so somberly callous. However, you began wondering if that’s what fame sometimes did to people.

When curiosity gnawed too hard, you’d Google him or even check Spotify. Simply catching glimpses of how big he’s gotten sent you spiraling. Last Thanksgiving, your favorite aunt threatened to lock your phone away when she found you upset in the bathroom after discovering Joel was performing at the Dallas Cowboys holiday game.

From that point on you refused to even check any amount of social media or update on him.

A few clunky first dates and a couple of ghosting experiences later, you’ve now decided to simply work on yourself and embrace the selfcare of being single.

It’s why when your best friend called you earlier today eagerly explaining how her parents had extra tickets to the Rodeo tonight, she playfully teased how she knew you didn’t have anything planned for this Saturday night.

You almost hung up on her, but you excitedly scrambled to get ready.

Now the smell of fried foods, popcorn, and beer cloud the air. The fairgrounds hold a chaotic but controlled lively energy. You never knew so many cowboy hats could exist in one space.

Once you meet up with your best friends' parents, you’re transported to a whole new area you never believed could exist during a rodeo. Lux and cozy, the VIP lounge gleams with its elevated experience. You knew your best friend’s mom worked for the construction company managing the arena. You just didn’t realize how big of a hookup it was. The VIP tickets allowed for full premium dining along with a couple of free drinks.

More importantly - it came with the best concert seats.

“In the dirt” is how they’re described because the tickets are literally stationed on the floor, in the dirt of the rodeo stadium, right by the stage.

Ecstatic and bubby energy now fills you. The food being served is divine and you gladly enjoy the free various drinks.

“So wait, did we figure out who’s performing?” You ask curiously while you lounge taking advantage of the nice seating area.

“Uh, I think my dad said it’s that band named Midland is performing today.” Your friend answers but then is quickly pulled away to meet more of her mom’s coworkers.

You’ve never heard of the band, but for a free concert you’re open to enjoy some live music.

It’s a trait you gained from Joel.

Because of him you grew to love music performances, the energy that comes with hearing the band, being among the hum of the crowd. The trips around Austin seeing not just him perform, but enjoying other concerts with him, let you appreciate and admire live shows.

Waiting for the concert allows you to enjoy some of the actual rodeo event. But the main performance of the evening soon arrives.

“You kids go enjoy! We’re getting a little too old and are just gonna stay back and enjoy the free food.” Your best friend’s mom grins with a wink.

The ticket advertisement wasn’t joking when it said close to the stage. The ground level truly sits on the dirt floor. The arena swallows you whole surrounding you like a strange fishbowl. A small crowd already lines the front railing closest to the stage. However sneakily you find a nice open spot by the side that gives a clear sight to the stage.

Even if you don’t know the band, giddiness bubbles in you electric.

You take in the massive general admission floor section already packed full. The band must be popular. So you take plenty of pictures and happily enjoy the time with your dear friend.

The lights dim and excitement crackles in the air. The stage lights up. The large backdrop screens on the stage flutter to life beginning to showcase different picturesque black and white shots of Texas.

Midland, you remember, is a city in Texas so the images make sense. A low strum of a guitar begins playing. The melody dances soft but in a quick beat, a hypnotic tune trying to rev up the crowd.

The tune brews up its intended magic that you even get swept up in the anticipation. The sound gets faster and the strumming is rather simple but so striking.

Then the music stops. Suddenly the lights of the entire stadium shut off. Wild galvanized screams erupt.

The lights brilliantly dance forth back to light. They all focus now on the performer who, like magic, now appears on the stage with the rest of the band.

And the lead singer is Joel.

Your knees almost give out.

Dressed in the most dangerous plaid green button up, it so simple yet beautifully compliments him. More grays pepper his beard and highlight his tousled curls. The brilliant stage lights bask him in a heavenly glow.

Your soul momentarily leaves your body the minute his voice sings his first note.

Instantly your best friend whips towards you panicked. She rapidly screams asking if you’re okay as she apologizes over and over.

“My dad must have gotten the dates wrong! God I should’ve fucking doubled checked or some shit!” She cries deeply apologetic and hurt.

You earnestly tell her it’s not her fault and it’s alright. It was just an unfortunate mixup.

“Do you wanna leave?” Your friend leans closer to you. Her eyes shine understanding and considerate. “We didn’t pay for these tickets and I promise you my parents will completely understand. We can say fuck it and bounce.”

You haven’t even completely processed it’s Joel. It’s like your brain went cloudy and now blinking out of the fog, your eyes return to the stage.

Joel isn’t an extroverted man. He’s reserved, quietly charming, even holds a gruff but poised grace. But right now, he’s an absolute sun on the stage. He’s radiant, naturally swaying to the music while singing his soul soul.

Maybe it’s the piece of you still horribly in love with him, or just the curiosity to see how this goes, whatever it is - you shake your head no.

“We can stay.”

Your best friend’s eyes go wide as saucers hearing your answer.

“Are you sure?” She presses and you nod your head.

“Yeah, let’s stay. Afterwards we can laugh about how old he’s gotten.” You laugh bitterly about him looking more aged even after a year.

When truthfully the stronger wrinkles around his face, the vibrant grays, all of his aging only intensifies his striking looks.

A canyon wide sized hole rips through your heart.

The song flutters to an end and the crowd claps with a thunderous roar. With a reassuring squeeze to your shoulder your dear friend nods then turns back to the concert.

You pray this isn’t the worst decision you’ve ever made.

Then Joel speaks.

“Howdy everyone,” his voice is still so devilishly thick and smooth as a shot of moonshine. His accent does his home state proud. The crowd absolutely adores him, screaming loud just hearing him speak.

“Thank y'all for comin’ out tonight. I’m Joel Miller and m’here to sing y’all a few songs.” So simple, casually eased, and it’s so Joel.

His gruff southern charm made you fall in love with him so fast and now it’s a unique brand of magic charming everyone under his spell.

Joel strums a few notes, rapidly shifting the tune and transitions into the next song.

You now fully soak in Joel.

He seems otherworldly, a god of music reincarnated as a Texan cowboy. You think back to the days sitting in his living room and listening to him play. You were honored to see that side of him, to hear him strum to life so much magic.

During the holiday’s Joel’s daughters, Ellie and Sarah, would often pester him to sing silly songs. He’d grumpily obliged but you knew he basked in their attention and love.

He loved to sing. You always knew he was destined for the stage like it was woven into his veins.

You still remember the day one of Joel’s acoustic performances blew up online gaining so much attention. The excitement and absolute joy you felt then still lingers in the corners of your heart. Although, those feelings have been gathering cobwebs.

There’s of course a bitterness seeing him, but also, an unbearably small twinkling pride knowing he’s here living his dream. The song finishes and again the stadium rumbles in applause.

“How y’all doin’ tonight?” Joel asks and your heart jumps hearing his voice again.

The crowd cheers back at him.

“Good good, let’s keep it goin’.” He yells back and then strums the guitar sharp.

That’s when the stage slowly starts moving.

It’s slow but with the surprise purpose to look out to the entire crowd. For some reason you almost laugh thinking of that man, who couldn’t even remember how to FaceTime on his ipad, on a full rotating platform.

However, the lyrics start and you realize he’s singing a heartbreak ballad.

If you’re going out with someone new, I’m going out with someone too…I won’t feel sorry for me, I’m getting drunk but I’d much rather be somewhere with you…

It’s hard hearing him now with how exhilarated the crowd screams at the stage moving. But you try to hear how the rest of the song unfolds.

At the chorus, your throat tightens.

I can go out every night of the week, can go home with anybody I meet, but it’s just a temporary high… ‘cause when I close my eyes, I’m somewhere with you

The words sting every inch of you, but you believe it has to be just a simple heartbreak story and isn’t about you, isn’t directed at you. Yet the words feel like sharpened edges of a broken mirror that seem to reflect every moment of your time with him.

Then the stage rotates to your side of the floor.

There’s no way he can see you or will even spot you. There’s a whole crowd stretching before him. You’re just a fish in a sea of fans.

Joel continues strumming, allowing his voice to so beautifully carry the emotion.

The stage, in its slow movement, is now front and center to your line of sight. Some girls at the very direct front of the railing scream and wave frantically at him.

A small smile tugs at Joel’s lips as he waves back. Joel’s eyes scan the rest of the crowd -

And that’s when he spots you.

Quickly, you rationalize he could be staring out behind you at someone else alongside the side railing.

But Joel’s eyes even narrow trying to focus more. Your gaze stays on him, like something inside of you refuses to waiver.

His eyes flicker with realization then turn into full moons.

He knows it’s you.

Joel continues singing the chorus but emotions cloud his face. His brows are furrowed hard, almost confused like he’s trying to really comprehend what’s going on.

You understand. You’d be so confused too if you were in his position. You’re still even baffled as to why you stayed in the first place.

The stage starts shifting back to the main center direction

But Joel cranes his face to the side, refusing to have his eyes leave.

His focus stays on you.

It’s obvious enough that your best friend now shakes your body.

“Is he staring at you?!” She tries to whisper but she ends up partly screaming.

You think maybe it’s a hallucination.

Yet Joel’s deep inky eyes stubbornly stay locked on you as he sings now.

If you see out on the town and it looks like I’m burning it down, you won’t ask and I won’t say… but in my heart I’m always somewhere with you…

Your world twists warped, melting into a sea of so many emotions you can’t stay afloat.

Joel finishes his song and the crowd enthusiastically cheers. Yet, it sounds muffled as a numbness crawls over you like a thick soupy fog.

You should leave. You need to. But you’re here now. And decide to see the end of this. If he’s singing about someone lingering within him, then you might as well make true to those lyrics.

Joel lowers his face for a moment and shakes his head. The mic faintly picks up his cough of a disbelieving laugh and your heart sinks.

“Alright folks, let’s jam.” He announces composed and brings his guitar to life.

He’s beautiful walking around with it. Strums effortlessly until he shifts from one guitar, his classic, to a more sleek all black styled one.

Joel lets the music and band take over while he makes the switch. He also leans in to whisper something to the stage hand.

Then as if nothing, Joel steps back into the limelight and illuminates the stage.

He walks around freely now that the stage stopped rotating. The current song is lively with a great beat and you hate how badly you want to bounce around to its infectious sound and the way Joel’s voice elevates the tune.

Caught up in the melody, you don’t notice until it’s too late. Joel walks over to the side of the stage directly facing you.

The guitar carries a large piece of this song’s bridge allowing his eyes to flicker across the crowd.

Until they return to your gaze. Stuck in his stare, Joel suddenly cocks his chin towards you.

Most of the crowd around you screams at his simple action. Even your best friend yells out a loud ‘holy shit’ but you stay quiet.

Not knowing how to react, all you do is stupidly shrug.

It’s awful, not even the best reaction you can give.

But Joel barks a laugh, a true laugh that thankfully happens at the tail end of the song, but your knees go weak.

You made him laugh.

On stage.

Heartache finds its way back into your system fiercer than ever and it poisonously tastes of adoration as well.

Joel transitions into another song. This time moving around the stage more towards the other side.

Yet, either his eyes flicker back to you, or he ends up walking to your section.

A part of you wonders if he’s doing this now to mock you, almost showing off how good he is knowing you’re here. You don’t believe Joel would be that heartless, but you hate how that option still lingers.

“He’s been walking over here a lot.” Someone even behind you even notices.

“Well he is old.” Someone yells back. “Maybe he’s just trying to keep his joints in shape.”

You almost want to snap back that he’s looking damn good for his age and in good enough shape that he kept you bent like a pretzel for practically a whole weekend, but you swallow back the protective bite.

You simply go back to enjoying the show, and it’s fantastic. You can’t deny that. Joel is a performer, keeps the crowd focused and engaged. He isn’t showy or dramatic but takes control of his presence on stage.

You think of the days seeing him at small bars around town, sitting on a stool playing till his heart's content.

Then he booked Stubb’s in Austin and when you watched him own that stage - you knew this was meant for him.

You’re reminded of that so vividly tonight.

“Alright, gettin’ to the end here.” He announces and the crowd sounds heartbroken.

“I know, i know,” he coos back soft and low. “But just wanted to say y’all have been lovely.”

So many shrill shrieks crack in the room and you almost roll your eyes.

Your best friend snickers beside you. “Gotta give it to him, man can work a room.”

She’s right of course. Though it’s still so surprising for a man grumpily reserved and introverted at times.

“This next one I hope maybe some of y’all will know.”

He strums the cords to Pearl Jam’s ‘Alive.’

What gained Joel traction online was his renditions and covers of various songs. He added his own country twang and twist to all the songs he covered.

Pearl Jam happened to be one of Ellie’s favorite bands. A hollow nostalgia rip through you, thinking of the two girls you miss.

The crowd ignites recognizing the familiar rock ballad now turned into the tune of a country song by Joel’s touch. He owns the solo and his husky voice melts into the lyrics beautifully.

Under your breath you sing along. You used to sing along when you cooked breakfast at his place or during drives with him and the girls.

It’s a beautiful fondness, yet one still barbed and so aching.

The song ends with the intense but small burst of fireworks that has the stadium cheering. You even clap.

“Appreciate y’all.” He addresses the crowd. “That’s a one of my daughter’s favorites so always means a lot when I get to play it.”

A smile you can’t fight tugs at your lips at the mention of Ellie.

“Now my daughters, they’re like night ‘n day.” Joel continues and your heart fills up so overwhelming fast for those girls.

“One of them, like I said, loves some Pearl Jam. Now my other daughter…” Joel pauses.

“She’s a big fan of someone by the name of Taylor Swift.”

The crowd absolutely explodes and you think you even feel the arena shake. Sarah honestly was a big fan and Ellie loved to tease her about it so much.

“Normally for this next and final song, I’d play ‘‘shake it off.’” Joel had a few songs of hers that he covered. That one was a fan favorite.

“But tonight, I'm itchin’ to play somethin’ else.” He continues.

You even perk up curious.

“So let’s end this on a high note, yeah? Sing along if you know this one.” Joel concludes.

Then the drums begin and the song bursts to life.

The stadium swims in a dizzying frantic energy.

The way Joel sings, he’s pouring his heart out. He’s memorizing. Utterly heart wrenching.

This is the finale, the end of this strange unreal dream you’ve wandered into. You wonder if he feels it too.

The song’s chilling bridge comes and Joel walks to stare directly at you.

I thought I had you figured out, can’t breathe whenever you’re gone. Can't turn back now, I'm haunted…

His eyes never leave yours.

The lyrics sear through your heart. You think about screaming the song to back him. He’s the one who left, the one who’s ghost lives among your ribs.

Then Joel hits the final high note, lets his voice carry the powerful finale, and the crowd roars in earth shaking excitement.

It’s magical, magnetic and utterly devastating in both the best and worst ways. Another few sets of indoor fireworks go off and the show ends.

Joel wishes the crowd a beautiful night and you’re left in a tangled web of emotions.

Your best friend immediately turns to see if you’re okay. While the crowd starts leaving, you and her take a moment. Out of the edge of your focus, you notice a crew member of the arena approaching the side of the rail. You don’t think anything of it.

“Excuse me,” until that crew member stands in front of you on the other side of the barrier.

Blinking absolutely confused you turn towards the man.

“I’ve been asked to escort you backstage.” He explains and your best friend gasps.

You wonder if the ground opened below and dropped you into a free fall.

Quickly you stammer out that you couldn’t. There's no way. Maybe the man must’ve mistaken you for someone else.

“Mr. Miller said you’d say something like that.” The crew member says reaching into his pocket to hand you something.

It’s a keychain.

Not just any keychain, but the one you gave Joel.

It’s a cartoon armadillo, dressed up as a cowboy, holding a guitar. When you first saw it you immediately thought of Joel. His daughters got a kick over it, giggled at how cute it was, and your heart had bursted when you saw it constantly among his keys.

Now the worn little cowboy creature sits waiting for you. It’s sweet marble like eyes stare up at you like a day hasn’t gone by since you gave Joel this.

Your best friend gasps, maybe not fully recognizing the keychain but understanding the significance.

You ask the crew member if your friend can maybe accompany you backstage, but he shakes his head a sad no.

“Then I…I can’t.” You shakily breathe out.

“Yes you can!” She interjects. “You gotta at least hear him out!”

You turn to her and find determination fiercely burning in her eyes as she nods.

“But what about you? I don’t want you or your parents waiting around for me.” You urge.

“Don’t worry about me or especially about them!” She reassures, even offering to wait for as long as you need.

You’re grateful, unbearably so and embrace her tight.

“You call me if he gets stupid. I don’t care backstage or not, I’ll go get you.”

You laugh watery at her well meaning threat and thank her. With a quick sweet goodbye, you follow the crew member along the rails until exiting.

The walk out to the backstage area fills you with a hurricane of emotions. What else could Joel say to you? A part of you wonders if he’s going to be cruel about this, having you simply show up to his dressing room just to laugh so arrogant and smug about how wonderfully famous he is now.

No, Joel isn’t that type of man.

Or you hope fame hasn't warped him into that type of man. Arriving at the green room door, your heart races loud in your ears.

The crew member knocks and before you can compose yourself, Joel opens the door.

He’s bathed in the golden amber light of the backstage room. It highlights all those grays again but also illuminates more of the time passed on his face. More winkles line against his eyes and when he fully stares at you, you wonder how different you might look in his eyes.

A jackrabbit like urge rushes over you to maybe flee, call your best friend to come get you.

“Thanks for comin’,” he mutters out. “Was worried ya wouldn’t show.”

You want to bitterly joke that you didn’t want to, but the armadillo keychain you hang onto holds the truth.

The door closes leaving you and Joel alone. Awkward stale air chokes the space.

You simply keep your attention on examining the room. His classic weathered jacket rests thrown over the couch. The rider is stacked with so many classic Joel snacks like his favorite jerky, popcorn, and even a few familiar favorite treats his daughters love.

Then your eyes catch the mug on the counter and you grin softly.

It must be filled with Joel’s classic drink - chamomile and ginger tea with honey for his throat.

“It’s…yeah. That’s it.”

You didn’t even realize you said anything out loud until Joel replies casuing your heart to jump. Finally your eyes find his.

It's a curse that your greatest heartbreak is this handsome. Exhaustion weighs in you and feels ancient, like if you carry the sum of so many lifetimes before.

“So…You wanted to talk to me?” You speak first, trying to keep yourself strong.

“I…uh yeah.” Answering so cryptically, his shoulders deflate. “How ya been?”

“Good.” You answer simple, curt almost.

There’s too many things that could’ve slipped out if you said anything more. Like how you selfishly kept one of his shirts and hate that the smell of him on it has faded like a wistful memory. Or how you can barely listen to Dolly Parton or Johnny Cash anymore because you’re reminded of Joel singing along to their songs.

So you turn the conversation back to him.

You ask how the girls are and Joel perks up, eyes shimmering with fatherly pride.

“Good, yeah they’re good. Uh, Ellie’s playing softball for the school again ‘n Sarah’s busy with student council. They’re still just bossin’ me all around.”

“As usual.”

You both say the same line at the same time and it chokes you up.

Joel inhales and his lips press tight, a hard line. The air tightens. No one says anything and now annoyance, frustration and maybe even a bit of panic claw at you.

“Joel, why am I here?” You ask him again.

Sighing, so weary and tired, he looks down.

Feels like ages pass between you and him. The faint noise of the stadium leaks into the room muffled.

You think of your best friend waiting and of your own heart waiting to end this.

“Look, it was good to see you,” you half lie. “You did great, hope you and the girls take care”

You turn to walk out.

That’s when he blurts out your name and you stop.

“I miss you.” He exhales.

“Miss ya so g’damn much. Every fuckin’ day.” He mutters.

When you turn back around, he stares at you unwavering. You don’t know what to say.

“Seein’ ya out in the crowd…thought m’heart was gonna give out.” He barks a weak laugh.

“Almost stoppin’ the fuckin’ show just to make sure it was you… y’look beautiful as ever.” His eyes haze over slightly, almost nostalgic.

Suddenly a heated spark rips into your chest, jagged edged and angered.

“You broke up with me.” You snap, voice already raw.

“I know,” Joel nods. “Worst damn decision of m’life.”

Your lips tremble. Everything hurts like a live wire is burning up your veins.

“Then why? Why did you do it?” You croak. You want to scream, maybe even storm out and not even give him the chance to speak.

“What? Did Mr. Big Country Star hate having a partner that wasn’t famous too?” Venom leaks bitter and poisonous in your mouth, choking your throat.

“Y’know god damn well that ain’t it.” He snarls back hard.

“No actually I fucking don’t know Joel.” You reply with a fierce bite. “You so conveniently left out any real damn reason why you were breaking up with me.”

“I said our paths were going in separate directions.” He glares hard at you now.

“And that’s about it!” Your voice raises and you hate it.

The tears come quicker than you hoped for and you hate that more.

“No real explanation,” you exhale, wanting to stay as calm as you can. “You couldn’t even give me that…what else am I supposed to think?”

Even dabbing away your tears, your composure is slowly slipping.

“I couldn’t do this to you,” he breathes out and it’s broken. His eyes are shimmering obsidian pools.

“This life, all the fuckin’ mess that comes with dating someone in the limelight, I couldn’t just throw that on ya.” He explains and the truth rings out a quiet hum.

“And you didn’t think to talk to me about this?” You whisper out now hurt. “Joel, I thought we were a team.”

“We are- were.” He slips and corrects himself fast. “I just knew if we fuckin’ talked about it you wouldn’t have understood.”

“Understood what?” You’re frustrated and it leaks into your voice.

“That I didn’t want ya fuckin’ hatin’ me!” He finally screams the weighted truth.

Stunned quiet but still slightly confused, you ask Joel what he means.

Pain travels across Joel’s handsome face as his jaw clenches hard.

“This shit…it takes away a lot.” He croaks out. “Hell I’ve even missed things with the girls. Didn’t want ya sacrificin’ your life or wakin’ up one day and realizin’ how much you’ve lost ‘cause of me…couldn’t let myself do that to you.”

Your chest aches like a rocket got shot into you. You’re angry he took that chance for you to decide, but you understand.

Joel never wants to be the cause of pain to others, especially those he loves.

He agonizes so much over his decisions and how corrupting he believes he is. When in reality every action he takes you know simply stems from his endless deep devotion to keep those he loves safe.

His decision to end your relationship was him, in his own frustrating Joel way, trying to keep you safe. Even if it was from himself.

Your lips tremble and you cuss bitterly hard under your breath.

“You damn stupid man.” You hiccup. “I didn’t…I don’t care what life fame would’ve given me with you. I would never resent you. For better or worse I just wanted a life with you, that’s all I ever wanted.”

Through a few sobs, you wipe the tears fogging up your sight.

Before you can see it happening, strong sturdy arms suddenly wrap around you and shock you breathless. Curled in Joel’s arms, it’s like a sad coming home party and you cry even more.

“M’so sorry, my darlin’.” Joel whispers against your forehead.

“I hate you.” You don’t. Even on your hardest days, you never could.

“I know, hate my fuckin’ ass too.” Joel replies.

His arms squeeze you tighter.

“Never stopped lovin’ you. Never will.” His voice wavers and now your arms wrap around him.

“You left.” You whisper back so small while tears continue to prickle in your eyes.

“I know honeydew, ‘n I’ll never forgive myself for it.” He replies fiercely like a strike of lightning with its bright force. “Been a fuckin’ mess without ya. Tommy would be the first to agree and the girls too.”

You absorb his words, basking in the safe haven that is Joel. Hours, maybe days pass just in his arms.

“Please forgive me, baby.” He whispers hoarse against your head.

You nod a soft yes.

Because even the part of you that wants to yell and stubbornly say no knows the ultimate answer is, and always will be, him.

“Of course…I love you.” You mutter half dazed against his strong chest. “Love of my life.”

Pressed so close to him, you feel how hard he swallows and his arms squeeze you impossibly tighter against you.

He says your name and you hum out a soft noise.

“Marry me.”

Your eyes, which have sort of glazed over, snap open wide.

“What?” You mutter out, maybe think you misheard him.

“Marry me.” Joel repeats himself.

You practically squawk like a confused bird and scramble in his arms.

“Joel Miller, you can’t be serious?!” You shriek through the tears still lingering in your voice.

Your face snaps up to him. His face is composed, almost serene in a way as he look at you with molten eyes.

“Serious as that g’damn ring I bought ya.”

His words are a mumble but so soft and unwavering. Your soul leaves your body like you were thrown into a cold lake.

“You what?” You stammer out.

“Y’heard me.” He nudges his chin to you. “A ring. Bought it after you dropped everything to go take care of the girls when they got sick.”

Too many emotions overwhelm you and the tears return with a vengeance.

Joel, like a steady man in the storm, places his warm hand on your face to gather you back into his embrace. He places the softest kiss to the side of your head.

“We gotta have a chat about discussing your feelings with me more, Miller.” You manage to chide him through your tears.

“I know.” He mutters against your skin while he continues softly kissing you with utter tenderness. “‘N I’m not lettin’ ya go again.”

You squeeze him hard, trying to burn his memory into your arms worried you’re going to wake up and find this is just a heartbroken hallucination.

“Baby,” he begins.

“Hm?”

“Stay with me for the night.” He urges. “The bus got plenty of room-”

“Ooo, is this what you say to all your groupies, Mr. Miller?” You tease with a snort.

“Behave.” His hand playfully squeezes your hip but his underlying somber tone even with his chuckle ignites a familiar heat brewing in you of the times he’s reprimanded you like that before.

“No groupies.” Joel reassures you. “Only you sweetheart, only ever gonna be you.”

His words flutter into your heart and make a nest there.

Gently you draw back to stare at Joel. Your hand moves to his face, aching to just touch him. Even in his arms you’re waiting for him to vanish from your touch as if he’s a figment of your wrecked heart, a ghost of lovers past haunting you now.

But his stubble tickles against your palm. Running warm as usual, his face feels like a soft morning sun. Your thumb strokes his cheek and his eyes close, melting into your hold.

Gently you place a soft kiss against the corner of his lips.

Joel now tilts his head so he can deepen the kiss before you can even draw away.

It’s not a consuming passion that you expected. No frantic fierce clash of lips or an overflow from a year passed between you two.

Instead it’s a soft welcome home. It’s a kiss you’ve given him when he’s come home late or when you leave for work.

Because his blood, his soul, you believe are simply stitched into the very fabric of you. It’s like a piece of you is returning back to you, or maybe back to your other home with him.

“So you gonna stay with me?” He mumbles against your lips.

“I don’t know Miller, you haven’t even offered to sign anything for me. What kind of famous country singer are you?” You smirk against his lips.

He laughs, hearty, a true wild deep one sweeping you into its joy.

“Hell yeah I’ll fuckin’ sign something for ya, our marriage certificate.” He snaps in classic grumpy Joel fashion and you almost think about dragging him to a courthouse.

You text your friend a million apologies and even take pictures of all the signed merch you’re bringing back to her.

Now in the cocoon of Joel’s cozy bed on his tour bus, among the warmth sheets, you hold the ring up in the dim light inspecting it. Because of course your secretly romantic man kept the ring with him.

“You sure you weren’t keeping this around for someone else?” You ask.

“Fuck no.” He growls low. “S’yours…only yours.”

From behind his arms slide around you and you’re encompassed by his swallowing presence. His beard scrapes against your shoulder.

“If ya don’t like it, can get ya another one.” He mutters casually but hesitant softness peeks out from under his gruff tone.

“It’s perfect.” You reassure him.

It’s the ring Joel got you then and it’s the ring you want now and always will. You even tell him that.

The kisses places on your bare shoulder whispers of his devotion.

“Honey.” However, his voice now is hesitant and makes you pause on your ring inspecting.

“I gotta ask…but do ya have my armadillo keychain?” Joel asks with an utter somberness.

You burst out laughing and it shakes your body.

“Honeydew, I’m being serious!” He growls out. “Want that lil’ fella back!”

Wheezing with giggles you lean back against Joel, floating so blissfully floating in renewed adoration.

Twisting in his arms your lips find his.

“Tryin’ to distract me ‘cause you lost him, huh?” He mutters.

You snort, shaking your head.

“No I just love you so much, you dumb cowboy.” You tell him.

“Your dumb cowboy. For better or worse.” He vows, kissing you back firmer now.

“For better or worse,” you nod breathing into him.

In this carved out slightly cramped space it feels holy, sacred, chapel like. You’re even afraid it might be gone tomorrow morning. However, the ring on your finger is the steeled reassurance it isn’t going anywhere.

But, just in case, you gather this glory and Joel into your arms with the promise of never letting go.

[buttercupjosh]

Memories Lead Back To You

(Gif credit to @jakejuentzel)

word count: 2,779

genres: breakup with a sort of reconciliation element, exes to ???, self-insert

warnings: none

A/N: I made a reference to Jack losing his memory as a plot element in "The Upside of Unrequited" (Quinn Hughes) but in that story, it wasn't that serious so I decided to revisit that concept in this story in a much more serious way as a major plot point. This story is based off of the song “I Keep Forgettin (Everytime You're Near)" by Michael McDonald and I make references to this song throughout the story. I highly recommend listening to this song before reading my story. The title comes from a lyric in the song, “Another Try” by HAIM (feel free to listen to that song too if you want). This story is a bit sad and a little angsty but also kinda hopeful. It’s not set at a specific moment in time (It’s taking place in a fictional future but you could also say that it’s set during this ongoing season or even a past season). It’s written with a female reader in mind because I’m a female of color but the reader doesn’t specifically have to be a POC or a woman and there’s no dialogue. As always, I’m open to any and all feedback, comments or questions; just put them in my inbox or dm me. Thank you so much in advance for reading, I appreciate it😌

(P.S. I have other stories (linked here) that I have written for other players as well if you want to check those out)

“I keep forgetting we’re not in love anymore” -“I Keep Forgettin (Everytime You're Near)" by Michael McDonald

It was a phone call that you would have never ever wanted to recieve; the call was from a doctor at Jersey City Medical Center, informing you that Jack had been in an accident. To your surprise, even though you weren’t together anymore, he still had you listed as his emergency contact. In a haze of emotion, you rushed over to see your ex-boyfriend at the hospital.

Upon arriving, the ER doctor informed you that Jack’s injuries thankfully were minor but he did experience a bad concussion and he had some retrograde amnesia symptoms so he had no memory of the accident. Jack was awake and he immediately recognized you when you entered the room. You hadn’t seen Jack in a long while but his presence still made your heart warm. The doctor asked a series of questions to test Jack’s past memory, including if he knew who you were to him and he said that you were his romantic partner. Jack did not remember the fact that you weren’t dating each other anymore and you wanted to correct him but you didn’t do it. He could remember his mother’s name but not his brother’s birthday; he also forgot the passcode to his phone but you still remembered it. The doctor advised you that familiar routines and practicing recollection therapy may help Jack regain some of his memories back. Of course, the best person to do that for him was you because you knew his routine inside and out. You talked to Ellen and Jim, Jack’s parents, about what happened to their son; they would inform Pat (his agent), and his brothers, Quinn and Luke on Jack’s status. Ellen arranged for her and her husband to get on the soonest flight to New Jersey. Since Jack was conscious, his scans did not show any significant brain injury and he did not seem like he would be a danger to himself or others, he was allowed to be discharged from the hospital.

You drove Jack back to his penthouse. The car ride back was quiet because Jack ended up falling asleep. You gently nudged your former lover to wake him up when you reached your destination. The penthouse security still recognized you so they weren’t suspicious when you asked for a spare key to open Jack’s penthouse. Thankfully, Jack still lived in the same unit from when you were dating. You felt a tinge of anxiety in your chest before opening the door and felt a small sense of relief when you realized that the penthouse was the same way that it was before you broke up. Jack was exhausted so he took a much-needed shower and you stood close by in case he needed any assistance. Being back in Jack’s penthouse made your mind anxiously race and you were so lost in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice the water turn off. Jack did not need any help in the shower and he went straight to bed. Due to the fact that you were so worried about Jack and you did not want to leave him alone for long, you didn’t have a chance to go back to your place to get things for yourself so you changed into one of Jack’s old practice shirts. The shirt smelled like the detergent he liked to use to wash his clothes in; the anxiety of being back in Jack’s place still lingered in your mind but that familiar scent helped you drift off to sleep on his couch.

The following morning, Ellen and Jim arrived in town and brought Luke over with them. After you and Jack broke up, you weren’t sure if you would ever see any members of the Hughes family again so it felt strange to see the people that you had hoped to be your in-laws. Ellen was so happy to know that you were there to help take care of Jack. She was disappointed in her son when she found out that he cheated on you but she was delighted that you stepped back into his life during such a difficult time. Jim, Quinn, and Luke were also appreciative of your presence in Jack’s life too. You debriefed with them about Jack’s care; you all agreed that suddenly placing him in a new environment so soon after the accident may not be the best thing to do so Ellen and Jim surprisingly agreed to let you continue to take care of Jack in New Jersey instead of taking him back home to Michigan. You and Jack had dated for well over a year and the Hughes family really liked you a lot so they trusted you to take care of him. The team released a statement on what happened and Jack’s status was hidden from the public.

Ellen remained in New Jersey to assist you with taking care of Jack while Jim left back to Michigan and also went to visit Quinn in Vancouver. You decided to use your FMLA time from work to take care of Jack and the Hughes family offered to pay you whatever wages you would miss during this time off but you declined; you were doing this out of the kindness of your heart. You were willing to be there by his side, just like before. Even though Jack hurt you in a serious way, you still held a little love in your heart for him and did not want to abandon him during this challenging time in his life. Some people in your life thought what you were doing was insane but you didn’t care. You gradually began to move your things into the penthouse and helped him out in whatever ways he needed, whether it was going grocery shopping or taking him to his appointments. It felt a bit strange to re-settle back into a routine with Jack again after not being together for so long but it worked. Your presence back in Jack’s life was comforting to him and he felt less on edge around you; he trusted you more than anyone else outside of his family and teammates. The more time you spent together, the more things felt like it was before the breakup. A month after the accident, Ellen was fully comfortable with leaving Jack with you and returned to Michigan.

————————————————————

One afternoon while you were doing laundry at the penthouse, your phone rang. The HR department at your job called to inform you that they were restructuring and your job position was being terminated. You burst into tears and without hesitation, Jack emerged from his video call with Quinn to console you. It felt weird to be embraced by Jack since you weren’t together anymore but his hug was what you needed right then and there. He didn’t think about it but Jack planted a kiss on your head as you sobbed; you were spiraling over the news that you didn’t even notice the act. He reassured you that it was all going to be okay and that you would bounce back from this. Whenever you were upset about anything when you were dating, Jack would always try to get you a sweet treat to make your taste buds happy. He had always kept an emergency ice cream in his freezer so he handed you a pint of Oreo ice cream after you returned from cleaning your face in the bathroom. You quietly thanked Jack for the ice cream and ended up sharing that treat together while looking through his camera roll. As a part of his recollection therapy, Jack looked at different pictures on his phone and he would stop and ask you who different people were or what the significance of a certain location was. Through this process, Jack slowly started to gain some of his memories back and you learned that he never deleted some of the photos from when you were together.

You and Jack had spent so much time trying to unlock memories that it was rare for you to create a brand new one from scratch; that opportunity came on a snow day. Jack begged you to spend some time in the snow and you couldn’t say no to his puppy dog eyes so you ventured outside. The two of you made snow angels, built a snowman together, and had a snowball fight. You both were having so much fun outside that you stayed out until the sun set. After showering and warming up inside, you and Jack settled in to watch a movie but sat apart from each other on opposite ends of the couch. If Jack had it his way at that moment, he would pull you in closer towards him.

Hockey was still an important part of you and Jack’s life even if he couldn’t play at the moment. You remained in constant contact with his agent and other important team personnel on his status. Even though you were no longer considered an official member, the Devils WAGs still checked in on you and invited you to hang out with them if you needed a temporary change of scenery. Luke and Nico would come over after every home game to spend time with him and his other teammates would come visit as well to keep Jack in the loop on what’s going on with the team behind the scenes. It was also hard for him to watch games but slowly, you and Jack began watching them together. As time went on, you could tell that he was itching to get back on the ice so you arranged with the Devils medical staff and one of the assistant coaches to give Jack an opportunity to skate.

You drove Jack to the Devils practice rink so he could get some ice time for the first time since the accident. The car ride over to the rink was interesting because Jack remembered certain things about the route there, like the street names, but he could not remember the building number of the practice facility. Jack was both excited but a bit nervous to be back on the ice. He missed the feeling of the cold rink air on his skin and the glide of his stride when he skated but he also felt scared that he may have forgotten what to do. Those worries faded away once Jack stepped onto the ice; being on the ice after so long made his heart feel so full. You sat in the stands as you proudly watched Jack work with the team assistant coach on simple skating and hockey drills. Towards the end of his ice time, Jack yelled and asked if you wanted to skate around with him; you agreed to a quick lap around the ice sheet. Jack eagerly helped you tie your skates and you cautiously reached for his hand to help you onto the ice. He was so happy that you joined him to do his favorite activity, even if you weren’t the best at it. He was notoriously known for not being the greatest skater but you didn’t have the best edgework either. Jack didn’t remember that he was the one who taught you how to skate but it was okay because you still knew the important skating skills. You slowly skated by his side and watched your former lover aimlessly float on the ice. You could see a light had returned into Jack’s eyes and the two of you skated around until it was time for the Zamboni to resurface the ice for a youth team practice. On the ride back to the penthouse, Careless Whisper by George Michael came on the radio and Jack instantly remembered that the song was your go-to karaoke song. He didn’t remember all of the lyrics but he sang along with you the parts that he did know. That moment turned into the two of you sitting in the car for hours, singing together and testing Jack’s memory on various songs.

————————————————————

It had been a few months since the accident happened. The members of Jack’s medical team had advised for him to return to play at the start of the following season so you still had some extra time together. Jack was so grateful that you had been taking care of him and he wanted to thank you so he talked with his agent to arrange for the two of you to have dinner at a fancy Greek restaurant in New York City. At first, you felt blindsided by what Jack asked you but he reassured you it wasn’t a date but a way to show his appreciation for all of your hard work. You agreed to his dinner request and traveled to NYC. Jack thought you looked absolutely stunning in your outfit and from his game-day suits, you knew that he cleaned up nicely. Surprisingly, during your time in the city, only a few Devils fans stopped and approached Jack for a picture or a signature and he responded positively to their requests. The dinner itself went well; the meal was delicious and you laughed together with a joy in your hearts that hadn’t been there in a while. You missed dressing up and going out with Jack like this but you both had to constantly remind yourself that this dinner wasn’t a date, just a thank-you dinner between exes.

While you were leaving the restaurant together, an irritating, grating voice began to call out Jack’s name. When you stopped and turned around, you recognized the person who was there. It was her, the model that Jack cheated on you with. You had never met her before but you knew her from her Instagram pictures. She began rambling about how she’s been trying to get contact with him but Jack stood there bewildered; he didn’t remember her at all. She tried flirting with Jack in front of you but he rejected her advances and told her to leave him alone. Before leaving, the girl rudely told Jack to hit her up if he ever got bored with you again. Jack was confused as to who she was so you explained to him the history between them. He had always known that you weren’t dating anymore but he never inquired as to why and he was surprised to know the truth.

Just like the car ride back to the penthouse when you took him home from the hospital, you and Jack sat in silence until you arrived at your destination. Neither of you said anything to each other because things were now very awkward. The elephant in the penthouse was the status of your relationship with Jack; you were still considered broken up and just friends but it was obvious that something else was lingering in the air between you. Jack began to fall back in love with you with the time that you spent together and it was genuine. Every time you were around him, it was like Jack forgot that you weren’t in love with each other anymore and you had to restrain yourself from falling for the man who previously shattered your trust and heart. Yes, he was stupidly immature by cheating on you in the past but this whole experience made Jack realize that he made a horrible mistake by not fully cherishing how special you are. Despite being healed on the surface, the wound left from the heartbreak was still there; you did forgive him for what he did to you and Jack eventually forgave himself for what happened. You wanted each other back but there was still a long way to go on the path to romantic reconciliation. Despite what happened to Jack and what he did, he was still the same guy who went all-out on your birthday, the same guy who always brought you flowers from the grocery store, the same guy you fell in love with and you were the same person he loved all along.

Over time, Jack continued to gain some of his memories back. There were still some things he couldn’t remember and there was no certainty that he would ever remember those things again but he also created lots of new memories too. Jack eventually returned to playing hockey full-time; you moved out and got a new job. In the meantime, the two of you would remain friends but being back in a romantic relationship with each other was no longer completely off the table anymore. Things with Jack may not be the same way as it was before you split but you both knew this was a chance to start over and create something new.

[genderkoolaid]

I'd like more music recs, please. I'm checking out the few you listed and 👌🏾

Mandatory mention of the classic "Daughterson" by Joe Stevens

"Am I Here" by Jay Page was one of the core songs of a really weird summer experience (ironically in which I dissociated a lot lol) I had so I remember it fondly. He also made Invincible which is written in honor of his younger self.

"Aventura" by Mavi Phoenix FUCKS. His music videos are also really well made. I also like "World's End" from his most recent album.

saint hills has made quite a bit of rap! "Home", "Lavender", "Michelangelo," and "Quit My Job" are some hits for me

"Chartreuse" by Boy Jr. is funky as hell, and you may have seen some of their joke songs on TikTok or Instagram

John-Allison Weiss!! he made I Was an Island which I was obsessed with when I was younger & then I found out he's a trans guy!! His song "Different Now" is fucking amazing. Strong transgender energy without any lyrics explicitly referencing it.

TOBRE is really good for anyone interested sexually explicit trannyfag hyperpop.

"Hindsight Cinema" by Zann Foth is very chill & he has a unique voice that makes it just very nice to listen to. Kind of elevator music energy? Also "I Hate Reaching Out" and "Surprise"

"Sweet Cis Teen" by Dazey and the Scouts. Just a banger. To be trans is to be your own pallbearer!

"Brothers" by Skylar Kergil always makes me feel warm, its very "tboys supporting tboys" <3

"Good Man" and "Brother" by Grayson are two I found very recently! His music is very crisp.

Artists I mentioned in that other post but I'm gonna mention here too:

Anjimile is just such a wonderful artist!!! The King is a beautiful album with great visuals & "Animal" is an extremely powerful song. "Sonja Smokes Me Out" & "Baby No More" are also great. I need everyone to give this man his flowers yesterday

"Shook (Transformed)" by Cuee is a really catchy & really sweet love song, and "Proud Boi" is an explicit trans(masc) pride song!

Everything Beverly Glenn-Copeland makes is wonderful. Its great seeing an older trans man, one who transitioned after building a name for himself, and also hearing his voice in his newest album in comparison to his earlier ones. His songs just make you feel like your soul is being wrapped in a blanket. "The Colour of Anyhow", "La Vita", "People of the Loon"

Dreamer Isioma has their fucking aesthetic (dreamy afrofuturism) DOWN. His music videos (esp. for the Princess Forever album) are all super well done and feel very unique to them.

Malaika Mfalme's album "Yasmin" is dedicated to their late partner and you can feel that love and grief throughout the songs. I recommend checking out this article where they go through the meanings behind each song. "Good Man" is specifically about learning to love masculinity as a positive force.

[outofmydepthatapublicbeach]

to fall in deeper - Julien Baker x lacy!reader

jj chats: this has been one of the longest things ive written on this account and i am very proud of it!!! i hope this lives up to any expectations!!! also i recommend reading the first part before reading this it is linked here!

word count: almost 2000!!!

warnings: RPF, use of y/n, reader is a musician/famous, julien is kinda mean, someone passes out (not the reader, the boys or muna), reader calls julien 'jay'.

inspired by the request: i lovvved your love Julien fic based on lacy SO much!!! you’re crazy talented <3 would you consider writing more parts of it? 🎀🩷 like maybe how julien falls more and more in love and maybe an eventual angry love confession from julien, and their first date/kiss?

feedback is encouraged and i'd love to get some just please be kind!!!

When MUNA went on tour, they asked their dear friends to perform as openers. It was on billboards and spread across social media: “Boygenius and (Y/N): openers for The Greatest Band in the World”. All parties were ebullient, another few months of music, laughter, and fun. Everyone except Julien Baker, Julien wasn’t pleased when she found out you were the other opener. She despised the feeling she got in her gut when your name was mentioned, she couldn’t decide what it meant. She was torn between it being contempt or admiration. She didn’t like not knowing, she didn’t like the fact she couldn’t figure you out, let alone figure out her own feelings for you. 

So far the tour had been faring well. There were huge crowds showing up every night, all screaming out the lyrics to their favorite MUNA hits. Everything was going well, until August 6th, a Friday night. It was exceptionally hot and it was starting to take a toll on the musicians. However  they were all pushing through, they had loud fans backstage that gave them some relief from the heat and could basically get away with no shirt on stage. So far, the night was going well, besides the heat. Lucy and Julien sat in front of a large fan, while Phoebe and you stood in front of another one. MUNA was performing on stage, while you all waited until the last song, “Silk Chiffon” . It was always a nice surprise to the fans when you four came bobbing up on stage singing along, dancing with one another. 

Phoebe sighed, turning towards you “Want to go back with me to get some water?”

Your eyes darted to the right, where your water bottle stood proud and tall, still about half full. “No Pheobs I’m okay! I’ll walk with you though!” 

“Oh no dude you’re good,” The platinum blond turned to Lucy and proposed the same question.

“Yeah my water ran out like 5 minutes ago,” Lucy hopped up from her seat, moving towards an already upright Phoebe who was wiping her forehead with the back of her hand, sweat droplets rolling off. “Be right back guys!” 

Before they turned the corner you checked the time and yelled to the singers “I think there's only two more songs till Silk Chiffon so hurry!” Lucy and Phoebe nodded to you and continued their walk to wherever they were storing the water bottles. Out of the corner of your eye you spotted Julien rolling her eyes.

You turned your body to hers, you ignored her obvious irritation towards you and smiling you asked, “You good Julien? I got some water if you need it!”

“Yeah I’m fine. Thanks.” The tattooed woman replied, curtly. 

“Ohhhkay,” you said, confused by her tone. You thought for a minute going back over the day to see if you did anything that would warrant that reaction. You couldn’t find anything, but you did remember how Julien really hadn’t ever been that cordial to you, not since that night outside the restaurant where she found you crying. In a moment of panic you asked the woman sitting 5 feet from you, “Did I do something?”

Julien turned towards you, obviously dumbstruck by your question. She hesitated before responding, you could practically see the wheels turning behind her eyes, “No, you didn’t do anything.”

Quickly you replied, desperate to figure out where you went wrong. “You act weird around me.”

You could see a flash of panic move over Julien;s face before it was replaced with a look of annoyance. “How do I act weird around you?” Julien asked as if it was the most absurd sentence you could have chosen to have said. 

“You don’t talk to me ever, you avoid me, you don’t reply to my texts in the groupchat. Yesterday on stage you avoided me every chance you got. I get that we aren’t really close but do you have to pretend like I’m not even there? Like I don’t even matter?” Your voice started to strain towards the end of your dialogue, you could feel your eyes start to water.

“I-I don’t-” 

Julien was cut off by a very energetic Phoebe who came skipping backstage.  “We’re on stage in like a minute guys! Grab your mics!” 

You quickly got up, blinking back your tears as you approached a table, grabbing a mic. You settled your breathing as Lucy came up to you. “You okay?” She asked, voice laced with worry.

“Mhm! I’m fine! I think the heat is just getting to me!” You replied, your voice steady. You’re honestly surprised at how fast you pulled yourself together.

MUNA was on stage finishing up their second to last song for the night when Katie yelled into her microphone, “Thank you all for such a gorgeous night! We have one last song! Can you all welcome our guests to the stage please?” The crowd begins to go crazy. 

One by one the 4 of you run out on stage as the band starts playing “Silk Chiffon”. Your eyes scan over the crowd, everyone is having an amazing time, they all look tired, but in a euphoric concert driven tiredness. Until you spot one girl near the front of the barricade. She looks as if she's about to pass out, and the people around her don’t seem to notice. You brush it off, but decide to keep an eye on her just in case something happens.

As the band starts to play the music fills your body, heating your veins with electricity. You move the mic to your mouth as you sing background for Katie. This was always one of your favorite parts of the show, the harmony between all of your voices, the feeling of being alive and showing it through music. Phoebe rushes up to you and grabs your wrist, twirling you around and smiling wide at you. She leans in and gives you a kiss on your cheek before your bodies find natural sync, dancing together. Everything always gets too chaotic when the 7 of you are all on stage. AS your eyes move from  Phoebes to the rest of the talent on stage you spot Julien glaring at you, your cheeks redden and you can’t distinguish whether it's from the heat or the shorter woman's dangerous stare.

Suddenly you remember that girl in the audience and when you look back to her place, you see her almost going limp, merely held up by the sweating bodies around her. Immediately your mind moves fast, remembering your highschool first aid lessons on heat stroke. Your brain quickly runs down her obvious symptoms and realizes it could be severe dehydration or worse, heat stroke. You quickly let go of Phoebe's arm and run backstage to grab a water bottle and someone to help you. 

Phoebe is confused, her eyes follow you backstage until she sees you grab a bottle of water. Too caught up in the moment she thinks you need a drink. She assumes nothing is wrong and then goes over to Jo to dance with her. The others don't realize your absence, too caught up in the song. Except Julien.

Julien was keeping a close eye on you when you were on stage, she saw every time you glanced at that specific spot in the barricade. Though she didn’t follow you, not until you suddenly appeared on the lawn in front of the stage with a medical professional and a security guard. 

You run to the dehydrated woman and then help her get to a cooler spot, and give her small sips of water to hydrate her. You couldn’t care less about the concert at that point, too concentrated on making sure this person was alright. 

Julien’s stomach started to churn, once again you were proving to her that you were perfect. There wasn’t anything Julien could flaw you on at this point. You stopped singing in the middle of a concert to go and take care of someone in need. How could she avoid her true feelings now? 

The song came to a close, and the bands lined up, wrapping their arms around each other's waists and bowing. Naomi, Jo and Katie blew kisses to the crowd and then they all walked offstage, a concert well performed. 

As Phoebe looked backstage she didn’t see you. She turned to the group and asked, “Did anyone see where (Y/N) went?” 

It came as a surprise to everyone when Julien answered, “They went to help someone in the audience, I saw them with medical.” 

Everyone nodded, Jo hoped the person was okay. Katie and Naomi went to ask someone about what had happened. It wasn’t soon after that you showed up.

Walking back to where you had just appeared from, Naomi and Katie both asked you “What happened?”

You told them that “Some girl in the barricade got really dehydrated and passed out, but she’s alright now!” 

A sigh of relief was heard from all 6 people, relieved that everyone was okay. Small chit chat was made until Jo spoke up “Okay I don’t know about you guys but it is hot as hell out here and I am going somewhere with air conditioning!”

“Finally someone said it!”

“Thank god I was starting to think I’d melt,”

Naomi, Katie, Lucy, and Phoebe dispersed after Jo, all talking about some record they’d listened to recently or where to get takeout from.

Julien stayed behind, and just as you were about to follow after the others she caught your arm. You turned towards her, “What’s up Jay?” The nickname leaves your lips in a second before you could think to not say it. 

Julien looked at you strangely and let go of your arm, not really realizing she had grabbed it in the first place. Another round of butterflies flew through her body as you looked at her questioningly.. “That was super cool what you did for that girl. Leaving mid song I mean.” 

You sighed, you were starting to get frustrated with her antics. Did she loathe you? Were you two friends? It seemed every other minute her feelings towards you changed. It was confusing the hell out of you. “Thanks.” You clipped, starting to walk away.

“That’s it?” Julien asked from behind you.

As you turned back around you noticed she stood as if trying to make her 5 foot frame seem taller, not that it was working. “What?”

“‘Thanks.’ That’s all you're gonna say? Normally you're much more chatty,” Julien laughed.

“I don’t know what you want from me Julien.” 

Julien pauses, looking at you with questions written all over her face.

“When I talk to you, you get snippy and you’re mean. When I don’t talk to you, you want me to talk more. I don’t get what your deal is with me?” You whisper-yelled, afraid someone from the crew would see your argument.

“I-” Julien stuttered, not being able to come up with anything to say.

Finally done with the back and forth banter that has been hurting your feelings ever since you met Julien you declared, “If you don’t want to be my friend just say it.”

Julien looked at you, eyes wide. You watched her as the gears turned in her head, trying to come up with what to say. You gave her a chance to explain herself, you set a mental timer of 30 seconds, if she didn’t say anything then you would go away. 

Those 30 seconds flew by without a peep from Julien, your eyes teared up as you spoke, “Fine, I’ll see you later I guess.” Turning around you went to your tour bus, wondering what you did to get Julien to dislike you so.

The only thing going through Julien’s mind was how she screwed up, bad.

[lil-liaa]

𝓛𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓷 with 𝐋𝐢𝐚!! ♡

2,000 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍 followers ♡⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

Hi!! It's Liaa and if you don't know me i'm a kpop mbd creator i'm not sooo old or recent, but I do have some notable tips that I can give you if you need a push to improve (or start creating) your moodboards based on my criteria and experience ♡ bonus at the end!

Before you r e a d this : This guide is not a rule! You don't have to apply all the tips, feel free to apply them depending on your own style and taste.

In choosing the image on which the mb is based I want to separate them into 3 levels

Easy: An image that has common and striking colors that you can find popular aesthetics - easy to combine, harmony in colors etc!

Not so difficult: an image that has one or more not so popular colors,a background or image a little more complete, with aesthetics not so seen or visual

Difficult: The image has a color filter (dying) It has extra decoration or accessories, it has a specific bright (or duller) color (it means in any case that any image to combine will have to be edited to get the exact color)

Not everything is as difficult as I describe it! Getting started tips to make it much easierrr

# 𝐓𝐈𝐏 𝟏 : ¿Where to find?

Ways to find the aesthetic you are looking for!

Searches on Pinterest

Color + color aesthetic

Color- X Soft X Bright X Palid X Dark

Object - Subject-Color-Animal-Place-Serie/movie-country- Aesthetic

𝓐𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓬𝓼 that you may be 𝐥👀𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 for

I recommend this website that, apart from showing you many aesthetics, tells you the story of how it came about and more info!

Click to "Find aesthetic"

# 𝐓𝐈𝐏 𝟐 : ¿How to decorate it?

1. Collages on PICSART cute and easy♡ Make sure that the images complement each other from one side to the other so that there is balance and very importantly give it a center image!

2. Dividers You can make them yourself (On PICSART again) or find them here on tumblr!

I also have my own dividers if you want to check them out ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

3. Gifs I always move the images a little to make it more striking! (you can do it in capcut and create the gif here on tumblr♡) another tutorial of example gif here

4. Texts! separate the angles you can always put a poem or some lyric music! (To add color to the text I have a tutorial here) You can always add "bios", symbols or kaoemojis since they are closely linked to the aesthetics in the texts

5.Pngs: It's very cutee and also gives an extra resource ((I don't use it as much as before but it can work well on quite a few mbds) I would recommend putting it in the middle

# 𝐓𝐈𝐏 𝟑 : ¿How to combine images? (My way to do it!)

Taking into account the general color palette, look at the image and check if the most prominent colors are warm or cold (including the background will be very useful) this way it will be easier for you to combine the tones without really having to find the exact color of the image! It will make it look much better.

# 𝐓𝐈𝐏 𝟒 : Center and sides

Keep in mind the center of your moodboard! As it is still a square (think like it's a painting) you can have more balance if you put certain colors or certain photos on one side or the other and put the main photo (or a collage) in the middle! So that it harmonizes and draws more attention.

# 𝐓𝐈𝐏 𝟓 : Tonal degrees

Always keep in mind what tonal degree the color of the photo has. Depending on that, you can look for images with the same tonality! As I already mentioned, if it is more opaque or stronger or brighter, it makes it much easier to identify a better combination.

# 𝐓𝐈𝐏 𝟔 : Combination

At first glance, you might be able to identify the most prominent colors in a photo, but taking into account color theory, the color of that photo only exists when it is contrasted by another, that is, based on the combination of colors with each other.

So when choosing photos to match, look for the two colors together in the photo to give a more similar impression even if the colors are not exact (In any case, you can also edit the color of images that have the same tone as your photo by changing the image and the difference would not be noticeable)

# 𝐓𝐈𝐏 𝟕 : More ways to apply aesthetics . . .

Related objects: depending on the image, there are also usually certain objects that can be related to the aesthetics of the photo. You can always add details with reference to the aesthetics that, without necessarily matching the photo, can look good.

Angles and sizes: Looking at the reference photo we can find photos that have the same dimensions as this one will make it look pretty good and make sense to put together

Requirements for adding a photo: to make it easier to combine you can write down things to keep in mind so that they combine, for example:

1.Color and Color palette

2.Size, shapes and angles

3.Common objects

4.Balancing abundance (for example if a photo has a lot of details, you have to find similar ones and at the same time find photos that have less details to give it a better impression.)

# 𝐓𝐈𝐏 𝟖 : Your own Style and have fun!

Don't rush into having your own style, eventually your mbds will be guided by your tastes and then you will have your own stamp unconsciously so don't rush!

Have fun and take your time making mbds, that's the secret formula to making a good moodboard♡

𝓑𝓸𝓷𝓾𝓼 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒𝓑𝓸𝓷𝓾𝓼

Match Technique 💋🎀: My painful technique for making everything match so well comes from my perfectionism and I'll tell you what I do,sometimes the photos match each other perfectly (which is perfectly fine lol if you want you can leave it like that) but to make sure.. what I do is separate each of the images and compare them to each other to see the contrast and thus realize if they really match.

Searching: ¿How did we get to the final result? There will always be many times in sex where you simply won't like the result, I always recommend having at least two stages when looking for a good result.

This requires quite a bit of experimentation.

Stage 1 "Draft" : Where you look for the basis of what you want

Stage 2 "Improvements" : You look for the parts that don't fit and why.

Stage 3 "Details": The finishing touches!

𝐓𝐲𝐬𝐦 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! These are my own techniques and I know that probably not everyone puts so much science into this but I hope I have helped you improve certain things 💕 xoxo

(English is not my first language, I would really appreciate it if you could tell me to correct any mistakes!)

[venusgirltarot]

What Would An Album About You Sound Like?

Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only. Tarot readings are about possibilities based on your current energy. Energy is forever changing and nothing is set in stone. Always remember, you have your own free will to make whatever decision you feel is best.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, envision the person you are thinking of and then choose the pile(s) you feel most drawn to.

Pile One

Ahhh okay this is so cute. Im going to try to explain this as best as I can, Pile 1. So this seems like a concept album. The idea of the album (not the sound but idea ya know) reminds me of “Melodrama” by Lorde. I’ll leave a quote here for a better description but it’s like a concept album about a single night

“Melodrama is described as a loose concept album that explores the theme of solitude, in the framework of a single house party with the events and moods that entail it”

The album about you is similar in the sense that it’s a “loose concept album” but it’s about the writer seeing you. It’s like you’re at this party that the songwriter is also at and they’re obsessed from the moment they lay eyes on you. You’re like this beautiful unobtainable being to them and they want to get to know you so bad but they just can’t seem to talk to you. This could also progress to a one night stand that never progresses to more because of a lack of communication to this album is going through the writer meeting you and watching you throughout the night and then goes into their regrets and what they wish they would have said to you the next day, if that makes sense.

They see you at a party and think you’re so beautiful but can’t seem to find the words to tell you that. I keep hearing “I like the way my bedsheets look on your body” from “hello!” By role model. (I believe that’s the right song but lmk if it’s wrong so I can fix it!) and I keep being reminded of this musician on TikTok “Chappell Roan” and their song “Red Wine Supernova” I think that’s similar to what this album would sound like and it also fits the aesthetic. I highly recommend you listen to this song because it fits your album so perfectly. I tried to find a lyric that resonates the best to include but they all work so well that I couldn’t choose.

Despite this entire album being about only you and just one night leading into the next morning, it’s still so diverse (I hope that makes sense) like you’d think there’s only so many songs you could write about a 12ish hour time frame and one person but this writer has endless things to say about you and the night you met them. I could see one song having a feature and it’s later in the album somewhere between tracks 7-12 or so. The aesthetic of the album is very neon lights, the dance floor on prom night after everything has died down and people are starting to go home, slow, melodramatic and just really pretty. Again, I highly recommend you check out “Red Wine Supernova” because it fits so well.

Track list:

1. Pretty

2. Blooming

3. missing you

4. Shinning Eyes

5. Dying Slow

6. Party Streamers

7. Old Fashioned (Feat. Another Artist)

8. Starlight

9. Nova’s Surprise

10. Sunset

11. morning after

12. You

Pile Two

Pile two, your album sounds like one written by Hozier, Noah Kahan or The Lumineers. It reminds me a lot of “Angela” by The Lumineers. Specifically the lyric “Angela, spent your whole life running away” and “vacancy, hotel room, lost in me, lost in you” it also reminds me of Ethel Cain in the sense that it’s a concept album about running away and starting a new life (but not as dark as ethel’s and with a much better outcome than she got. I heard “success story” it’s about leaving behind a difficult past and moving forward. There’s hope for the future in these songs, remembrance of the past and healing trauma. It’s a beautiful album with a good balance of different emotions. I could see this album coming with a short film or a series of music videos that piece together to tell a store. Similar to “III” by the Lumineers.

I keep hearing a few snippets from the deluxe version of “Stick Season” (that will be out June 9th 👀) like “Medicate meditate swear your soul to Jesus / Throw a punch fall in love give yourself a reason” or “we ain’t angry at you love, you’re the greatest thing we’ve lost” it’s such a beautiful album with so much soul and emotion.

I could see this album getting an acoustic live version that artists do sometimes like “Album, live from Wherever” you know? This album has very unique and catchy lyrics that stick with people, the type of lyrics people take and sell on things in their Etsy shop or use as a quote in their yearbook or put in their instagram bio. It almost feels like poetry. I also heard “escapism” this is the type of music that paints a picture and takes you somewhere else. This album will kind of chronologically tell a story about you moving forward and healing from trauma and finding a peaceful ending. Ending with a song like “Angelia”

Track list

1. movement

2. Adelaide’s Interlude

3. mother

4. farmhouse

5. leave me behind

6. baby blue

7. mustang

8. you’re gonna go far

9. more than this

10. peace

11. at your own pace

12. growing pains

13. at last

Pile Three

I feel like this album has a soft rock sort of sound? Like hozier with a rockier edge if that makes sense? It reminds me of the way hozier sings about love. He sings about a very deep and impactful love and his writing his like poetry and I think that’s what an album about you would sound like. I think this album could be about the writer/musician fighting feelings for you because they’re focused on career or are just concerned about the outcome of the relationship. They might have a fear of falling or something.

However, the last card I pulled was the 10 of cups so the outcome is very good. I feel like this album is coming from a reflective place like this is after yourself and your spouse have settled down and had kids or pets or whatever you would like and your partner is looking back at your relationship from the very beginning up until now and writing about it.

I keep hearing “I’m in love with an emo girl” I don’t think this is what the album will sound like but maybe that’s your aesthetic/vibe? This might just be conformation for you. I also keep hearing that Shania Twain song “you’re still the one” this is the kind of album that fans would dissect like narrow down the time you met your person and talk about every lyric and how that lyric relates to you and your relationship etc. this album talks about how devoted and in love with you your person is but also talks about the (I heard “trials and tribulations”) it took for you two to get there so it may include religious reference. Like religion by Lana Del Rey or Don’t Blame Me by Taylor Swift where there’s this slight aspect of religion/devotion to your partner.

You hear a lot about how you have to actively choose your partner everyday to make a long term relationship work and this album would definitely delve into that a little. It could also be produced by you and your partner’s mutual friends or people who have been there since the beginning or very early in in your relationship. I think this would be a longer album and there’s definitely 18+ songs on there 👀

Track list

1. October

2. Cosmic

3. Full Moon

4. Bourbon Street

5. She’s All Over Me

6. Starla

7. The Empress

8. Diamond Eyes

9. Find More of Me

10. Dreamscape

11. Escapades

12. Midnight

13. You’re All I Need

14. Mirror

15. Apartment 32

16. Deep End

17. Eternity

[gloomyclauds]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! 🥳 I'm turning 28 years old, my god! I wanted to give you something, as a thank you for the support I've been getting here ❤️

This here is a sim that I made for the Sour Legacy Challenge, which I recommend you all to check out! Sadly all I've done was make this sim... I'm still waiting, and hoping, that we'll get actual bands in the game someday *sigh* She's a teen, I would say she's 16 or older, that's why she has piercings 😅 Also, if her parents are around, I picture them as being permissive, because the challenge requires her to drop out of high school at some point. In a way, she's everything I wanted to be as a teen, and isn't that what the sims is for? To live a dream? 😆

I'm also going to be seeing Olivia Rodrigo this next month, and if you don't know, the Sour Legacy Challenge is based on her album Sour. The excitement just made me want to pick this sim up again, and give her a quick makeover. The song that inspired this sim was Brutal, although I had the first lyric of Boys & Girls by Conan stuck in my head while I was making her.

Keep Reading for the FULL CC LIST ⬇️

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DEFAULTS Skinblend | Eyes | Feet | No EA Lashes

PRESETS Lips | Chin

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FORMAL Hair | Choker | Hair Accessories | Dress | Tights | Socks | Boots

ATHLETIC Headset | Hair | Top | Pants | Sneakers

SLEEP Hair | Shirt | Socks

PARTY Hair | Choker | Top | Jeans | Sneakers

SWIMWEAR Glasses | Earrings | Hair | Bikini

HOT WEATHER Hat | Necklace | Hair | Pimple Patches | Top | Shorts | Shoes

COLD WEATHER Hat | Scarf | Accessory Top | Dress | Tights | Boots

POSES 1st Image | 2nd and 3rd Image (1) (2)

A huge thanks to the cc creators!

@lamatisse @mousysims @okruee @glitchsyndrome @nesurii

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[finleycannotdraw]

can u recommend some bands? i think i like ur music taste and i am terrible at finding music

ty :)

of COURSE I can <3 you’ve probably heard of some of these, but maybe there’ll be some you haven’t! I don’t know what you already like, so… here we go :)

Hozier. Yeah this was always going to be first on the list I’m currently listening to basically nothing else! He’s an Irish folk/soul/blues/etc idk musician who uses a lot of religious and mythological themes in his lyrics and has a lot of songs that include social justice commentary.

The Amazing Devil is a folk rock band with an incredibly unique sound. Their songs are incredibly emotional and have an awesome fantasy vibe going on—plus there’s two singers, and they often sing independently from each other, which is something you don’t see often!

Good Morning Bedlam is a bluegrass band that I’ve gotten into recently! They’re sort of like… a mix of the amazing devil and the crane wives?

The Crane Wives, while we’re at it, and

The Oh Hellos. they’re fairly similar and I don’t have a ton to say about their stylistic differences, but they’re all definitely worth checking out!

Florence & The Machine. Most people have heard of them but I always like to recommend them anyway

Alec Benjamin, if you’re into softer indie music! He has a lot of different styles of lyrics, but his voice is consistent, so he’s great to listen to if you’re looking for that sort of variety.

Chxrlotte doesn’t have a lot of music out, but I’m a big fan of the music she has released, including the ones about Good Omens! The others are more angsty which I love too.

The Family Crest is an orchestral indie pop rock band, which blows my mind. I can’t believe orchestra isn’t a more utilized tool in popular lyrical music, because they do it so well.

Good Kid is actually my brother’s favorite band, and I love them too. They’re also indie rock, but they have a very distinctive style and are easy to get into! Plus they haven’t released a shit ton of songs like some other artists, so it isn’t overwhelming to explore their discography.

Jonatha Brooke is an artist I only know about because my mom liked her music a lot in the 90s, but she’s got a super nice voice and has some awesomely relatable lyrics. I especially recommend her album Ten Cent Wings!

Midlake is a super melodic folk rock band. I’m obsessed with their album The Courage of Others, which has a melancholy vibe that’s super easy to get lost in.

Palaye Royale is harder rock than anyone else on the list so far, but they’ve got an awesome style. Unique voice and definitely darker themes in their lyrics.

Tears for Fears is a pop rock band that I love because my dad does. (My parents are musicians—I trust their music taste).

Toad the Wet Sprocket got their name from Monty Python, but PLEASE go listen to the Architect of the Ruin EP. You will not regret it. Also the song Something’s Always Wrong is like… entrenched in my very being.

Elbow is a band that I never see in fandom circles, but they’re definitely not obscure. Check out their album Little Fictions! They’re kind of like Midlake.

Will Wood ranges from chaotic and fun (The Normal Album) to absolutely soul-crushing (in case I make it)! Sometimes even both at the same time!

(I would’ve also put Paramore, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, and other rock/pop punk bands I like on there, but I assumed you already know them.) (If you were looking for harder rock or metal, let me know, because this list is not that.)

If you want more genre-specific recs or even album/song recs, don’t hesitate to ask!! Music is the fuel of my soul.

[genericpuff]

Genuinely I would give anything to hear your thoughts or read more critical analysis of yours on other webcomics writing (*slides you Marionetta* I like the webtoon but there are some things in the writing that I'd like to see be discussed critically more often but the fandom focuses way too much on shipping. sighs..)

Anyway, you probably have been asked this before but are there any webtoons in particular you would recommend? :D

Oh lord, you don't know how many times a week I get asks in my inbox asking for my opinions on webtoons they're reading. It's really sweet that people wanna hear me talk about other works outside of LO, but unfortunately I just don't have the time to read as much as I used to, even keeping up on LO lately is getting really difficult 😅 I'm definitely keeping a list though of works to check out!

That said, I try not to read series on the basis of criticizing them because frankly I just... don't want to spend time reading something if people are only looking for me to rag on it? 😆 Of course I know that's not the only reason, I know there's also just the element of seeing me talk extensively about other works the way that I do with LO, but it's not really something I can turn on and off like that, I have to get really into a series to want to talk about it to that extent. So it often comes down to just luck of the draw :'0

Right now the series I'm keeping up the most on (or have completed and would absolutely 100% re-read):

Alfie (18+, it's porn with plot but the plot is REALLY GOOD , I SWEAR LMAO the art is gorgeous, the characterization is IMMACULATE, and it ironically tackles the subject of purity culture way better than LO ever has lol)

Theia Mania (the creator is often in my comment section / neck of the woods, she's been working on an Abduction of Persephone retelling for a long while now and has also tackled other myth retellings in her style! I always love seeing new pages of her work in my feed :' ) <3)

Tales from Alderwood (if you like fantasy and comedy, this one's great, the plot's really starting to get interesting and it's just got this really great sense of humor about it)

The Black Parade (this one's REALLY interesting, it's a comic-stylized version of My Chemical Romance's The Black Parade, using the songs as narration and sometimes even dialogue to tell a visual story, it's really cool and the art matches beautifully with the lyrics and style of MCR!)

A Tale of Two Rulers (this is a Legend of Zelda fancomic that poses the question, "What if Zelda and Ganondorf got married to solve their political crisis?" It updates a lot slower than most of the other comics I follow but the art and writing is so worth it <3)

Dogs of Future Past (and p much all of Lynx's Undertale comics which can be found in the link, seriously, THESE are the comics you wanna read if you wanna get into Undertale fanworks, they are PEAK)

Tamberlane (this one's an anthro comic, I normally don't read anthro but this one actually gripped me by the throat, the art is gorgeous and the character arcs so far have been great!)

The Mafia Nanny (okay it's legit so funny that I'm including this one here but I've been reading it the last couple days after seeing it basically beat out LO at the top of the trending tab for a couple days, so I figured I'd give it a shot, at first I was like "great more tropey shit" but the more I read it the more it's actually started to get pretty good, I'm holding out and hoping to god it stays that way LOL it's not especially deep or anything like that, but it's really fun and cute to read and the shipping of the main character within the narrative isn't too self-absorbed which I can always appreciate, I'd honestly be 100% fine with it if it didn't turn into a romance)

City of Blank (I talk about this one a lot here, but it's one of my favorite Originals right now, the art is super polished and the writing has gotten INTENSE, go check it out if you want some fun action / sci-fi storytelling!)

Time and Time Again (a time-travelling vampire and his werewolf boyfriend get into all kinds of misadventures, what more could you ask for?)

Touch of Divinity (like the Mafia Nanny, this is one I just started reading, it's got a very interesting premise so far and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes!)

[retro-friki]

Hey, I've seen many of you are starting to watch G-Witch, and that's great! :D I would recommend that while you're at it, also read "Craddle Planet".

It's a little side story written by the show's screenwriter and it's about Suletta's life in Mercury. It gives some insight about the motivations of Suletta's family and also how she was raised. There's not enough info about that in the series itself so, the story's a good complement.

It has no visible spoiler, I would recommend to check it out before watching the second cour of the series.

You can find it here:

There's also an audio version recorded by one of the VA's.

Incidentally this story was used as an inspiration for the lyrics of the first opening.

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

the pages are turning~

a months old pic of my desk

29th august 2024

day 4/50 - productivity challenge

🕒 6:00 a.m.

sleep deprivation is hitting. eating leftovers and coffee for breakfast.

checked notifs

actually ate some goddamn breakfast

not me realizing that i barely eat 2 meals every school day..

revised psychology: ch-1: what is psychology

here's a (self) reminder to actually go study instead of procrastinating 30 mins by watching study motivation videos.

also i recommend listening to non-lyrical music while studying. i personally listen to classical piano music. this is what i was listening to today morning.

showered

morning skincare

extended duolingo streak

aaand off to school. thought i would be late but honestly i've been reaching at the correct time all these days. if i leave my house by 8:05 then i'm good.

at school i first had physics and then 2 continuous chemistry classes (the teacher is good but her classes are so draining ugh).

completed physics classwork (the stuff i missed when i was absent on tuesday)

did the OCEAN test in psychology class! idk why but i love personality tests. i'll discuss my results with my teacher tmr hopefully but what i gathered is that i'm an ambivert leaning to introversion and ok emotional regulation & stability. my other classmate was very much an extrovert with higher tendency to take others' words to heart. we bunked the last 2 english classes together in the library lol. also want to say that i'm so ashamed for having formed an image in my mind of her, without really knowing her that well. i cruelly judged her prematurely and though we didn't really talk about our lives and stuff, we did get closer (maybe even friends?) today and i regret my judgments. ik i would be crushed if someone thought up an image of me in their head like that and i try not to do the same but sometimes i make mistakes. i'm trying to be more aware of that.

studied psychology ch-6: human memory (in the library when i skipped english)

lightly rained the entire trip home and got much louder as i ate a hearty lunch 😋

started a word doc for biology investigatory project

started a word doc for chemistry investigatory project

me and my bestfriend have been much more honest with our feelings recently. the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder" was actually made for us. she's in a new college all popular with new pretty friends and boys probably crushing on her and she says i'm her favourite person. i'm at a new school slowly making new friends and she's my favourite person. i told her i love her. she deserves to know that. and i meant it totally platonically and that doesn't make it any less. if anyone ever asks, "who's your first love?" i'll say her name. it'll always be her.

practiced playing keyboard 🎹

read newspaper 📰 (some of those cases make me feel sick)

post for studyblr weekly prompt

dinner. yum. noodles and cake.

made notes psychology ch-1: what is psychology?

night skincare

🕒 nope! pulled an all-nighter.. yes i have school tmr 😃 listen i do not recommend doing this shit at all. why did i do it you may ask? i don't really have any crushing deadlines as such, but i've tricked my mind into thinking my own plans are deadlines. this week my sleep has been astronomically fucked up. the weekend will be a reset (i have school on saturday 😭) and i will prioritze sleep. i need to at least manage 6-7 hours everyday.

edit: actually i fell asleep around 2 a.m. and did no other studying..

🎧 i love you, i'm sorry by gracie abrams

her songs are actually just excerpts from my journal but minus the romance unfortunately like where's my gf ugh we're wasting time

a months old pic of my desk

[barblaz-arts]

Real real real random ask.. Buuutttt- what's your favorite song? Mine's either this or this, and not even because I'm into the dsmp, I just like cg5 lol. So yeah! Just was curious ig, also thought I should mention that you actually got me (back) into (obsessed with) the Crane Wives! I used to listen to them a little while back and got back into them again when I watched the Chaggie animatic with Curses for the song. That's all, have a good day!

Oh that is a very dangerous question. I LOVE talking about/recommending songs I like. I cant just choose one tho, especially when there are artists who have so many songs I love and there are many genres I adore, so sorry for the long ish list

With The Crane Wives my favorite changes from time to time. I remember when I was ill and basically bedridden for two months, I'd spend hours just listening to all of their songs. Rn my favorite is I Aint Done. Apparently it's supposed to be based on some urban legend? I like to think of it as some tragic sapphic story

Marianas Trench is another one of my favorite bands. If you were a teen like me who loved watching AMV's in the 2000's to 2010's, their songs are often used for ships lol. (i get the feeling you might be a bit on the young side tho, so sorry for talking about some oldies here) Hard to pick a favorite too, but maybe this one since it's the first one of theirs I heard

I havent ventured too deeply in rap heavy songs, but this is one I like a LOT. The pre-chorus and chorus are such killers too and a lot of fun to sing lol

Jordan Fisher is such an underrated gem. Their songs take me back to the classic RnB from the 2000's. And watching them perform is kinda captivating.

People who have followed me for a while now know that I also love kpop/Loona, so lemme plug in my girls real quick. This is my favorite from one of their subgroups

Kiss of Life is a newer group I've been getting into lately, and they're real dang talented. They kinda remind me of Little Mix, which I also really liked

If you're into anime, you've probably heard of yoasobi because they've had songs that feature in anime. It's really really hard to pick a favorite with them but the one they wrote for Beastars is the one I'm currently obsessed with

There are also a lot of good songs in my country I could talk days about, especially this one by Ben & Ben. The mv stars their bassist and keyboardist who are dating irl, which makes it even cuter

And then there are so many broadway songs i like.... oh my god so hard to choose........

Beetlejuice is my favorite musical, so I gotta choose one from it. The lyrics for the songs in this musical are so good, but especially with Dead Mom. The bridge where Lydia turns all soft because of how much she loved her mom gets me everytime. (fun fact for those who dont know, the voice actors for Pentious/Adam and Rosie were the OG actors for the title character and the step mom)

Lastly, I havent actually watched the Waitress yet(I'm talkin about bootlegs ofc) but the soundtrack's really good. The voice actor for Niffty was also there, so you might wanna check it out just to hear her sing, she's phenomenal. This song is undoubtedly the best of the bunch, and there's actually a version song by Lucifer's VA that is absolutely heart-breaking, but I'm putting the original version in the post for the intended message of the song because its important. Also this animatic is kinda insane. Jeremy Jordan's version of this song really is worth checking out too for sure