#also I feel like I should say he’s been my friend since 2017

[fernspirals]

Having a weird time. My roommate expects everything to be communal but I pay for most of the groceries and I can’t financially support his eating habits

[liaswills]

Pick a card: Does your crush like you back?

Today we are asking 4 seperate energies what they think of you! It's important to know that any pick a card's are general energies and some messages are resonant to your crush and others might just be for other people. Generally this is my first pick a card on Tumblr but I've been in the tarot community for longer than today, since 2017 I read tarot.

Disclaimer: I haven't used any tarot cards for this reading, ironically. I'm channelling the messages instead.

Take a moment, I understand crushes on anyone can be mind whirling and obsessive at times. But well I'm here to feed your obsession, aren't I? I will take the opportunity to channel their messages so every reply is written in the voice of your crush (general) and I'll give all four groups some extra information too!

Pick one of these four sentences from my favourite tommy shelby quotes!

1. "Why not?" — Thomas Shelby

2. "Do I look like a man who wants a simple life?" — Thomas Shelby

3. “We used to come here; she’d wait for hours for me when I couldn’t make it. And I’d wait for her if her family kept her in.” — Thomas Shelby

4. “A man needs to prove he is better than me, rather than show me his birth certificate.” — Thomas Shelby

All readings are channelled letters from your crush s/o. Hope you enjoy these and follow my account for more tarot posts!

Pile 1: "Why not?"

First of all this is a person that thinks softly of you. They have kind eyes, might be more of an effeminate person. May have a beard, or look like a gentle giant. I'm also getting blonde/brown hair or shoulder length blonde hair. They have dazzling eyes.

My darling,

I have never called you that before. But why not, eh? Or maybe I do enjoy calling you that in my mind. You are like a fond thought my mind wanders to when I am sitting in the train or my car. Or when I walk or am riding my bike. I think of you softly. I'm secretly afraid, that whilst I think of you softly, you don't think of me that way. I might just be a hopeless fool thinking you'd be interested in myself. Or perhaps I am not a fool?

I kind of want to do fun things together. Take it slow. There are some people I think of. Some other people that might be interesting to me as well. I know you didn't expect to hear that but I'm sometimes too stuck in my daydreams that I wished I was anyone's person. I just want to think of love. I like to imagine my closest friends think me an idiot everytime I say I met someone because how could they not? I sort of just 'love' being in love, right there, in my head.

Telling you how I feel makes me question whether it's worth it. Should I take that step to ask you how you're doing? To ask you whether you'd like to walk with me? Get an icecream? I don't know how to date to be honest. I read often, I just thought that thinking of you in my mind would be easier than thinking of you and I actually going someplace to do fun things together.

I specically like your legs, your smile, your hair. I think you look like my dream person. I may not smile in person, or I may not say these things in person, or I may not even let you know how HOT I think you are but you really are my type. I just don't know whether you'd think of me as 'your' type.

Sometimes I fantasize too much. I think it all out. Us, together, marriage, maybe even normal things like grocery shopping together or finding out what kind of candy you eat or don't eat. I kind of want to know how you live your life. I really admire how you come off to me as a person and I just think that we could 'be' something. If only my mind wasn't so easy to wander to other scenario's and people and friends who could possibly become my person too.

If you like me, just tell me. Right now. I beg of you. It would make my day. It would be recipocrated, I already have chosen you in my heart but I can't keep my mind collected. I can't stop thinking about work or about how busy I actually am when in truth, I just want to get to know you better.

Don't be sad. I don't want you to be sad. Was I an asshole? I never meant to be one. Trust me.

Do you trust me?

Yours Forever,

Your hopeless romantic

Pile 2: "Do I look like a man who wants a simple life?"

This is someone who has dark features. Might have brown hair. They come off as someone who has dazzling green/hazel or brown eyes. They are HANDSOME. You think of them in a handsome light. Their dress style might enchant you daily. Everytime you receive pictures of them or see them you might just think highly of their aesthetic. They're giving stronger masculine vibes or someone who has a dominant personality.

Babes,

Look I never meant to fall for you. I think my guides never saw 'me' falling for you. But I did. I was thrown into this abyss of feelings that I had long forgotten or long thought I could not feel anymore. I keep being disappointed in life but you have never disappointed me. I like that. I like that about you.

You and I talk or we don't. It's like that. I know it is. Because I keep you far away from me when I need time to make a decision. When I need to fix my shit. When I need to fix my issues. I have many of them. I don't need an angel like you to come into that mess. I don't want you to see a mess or see me as a mess. I need you to understand that I'm getting better. Really, I am. I thought I told you that, before, didn't I?

My life can never be just us. It's everything. It's mostly my family, my job, my friends. It's everything. I am always at the center of it and sometimes that makes me anxious. My friends drag me into shit you may not like. I might hurt your ideas about me when I do stuff like that, or I might be repugnant but it's just who I am, all right?

I can't be with someone who will hold me back. I am not saying you do this, but I hope that you will understand I don't really know how to be in a relationship that isn't going to end in destruction so I will put this lightly: don't give me the steer. I need you to say what you need to say and be as expressive as possible to keep me there with you. Maybe I like you, maybe I don't, I don't even know this myself.

See my guides want me to stop questioning my life. They want me to stop being such a fuck, maybe I do too. When I talk to you or when I think of you, I think of what of a redemption arc that would be for me? I know that sounds weird, but I think of how I could do 'right' by you.

So, technically, no, I don't want you to crush on me because I would not deserve you. But I also want you to be with me because I want to have you. Does that make me an asshole? I suppose it does.

Look, I know how to get you on your knees. I know how to kiss you, I'm experienced, I know. I know where to push your button, what to flirt, what to say, I do this naturally. It's like god gave me one gift and it's flirting without actually intending to flirt.

I get in a lot of trouble for that.

Like you for instance. You're my trouble. You're my death. You are the one person I can't get off my mind and it bothers me because I can't come forward to you and give you this sorry excuse of a person that I am right now. I really can't. Will you forgive me for not saying anything? If you ask me about my feelings, my love, I will most likely just ignore it or just be rude. I know, I can't have you.

You do NOT deserve me. I'm so sorry. I don't want you to want me, yet I do. Yet I thrive on it. Yet I am so sick that I would get off on it. I want you to want me, it's a game, alright? It's a game. I thrive on the thrill. I thrive on chasing. I thrive on flirting. This is a mad world and you're making it worse.

If you'd give me a chance, if by some miracle you'd be able to tame the fucktard that I am, would you be able to put up with my non-commital energy? Would you? See, you don't want this. I know you do.

My guides don't want this for you.

I'm sorry,

Your idiot.

Pile 3: “We used to come here; she’d wait for hours for me when I couldn’t make it. And I’d wait for her if her family kept her in.”

Your person is very feminine. I see someone who is shy, gives off introverted vibes or might just be a person who doesn't express what's going on with them all the time. They have a hard time texting others first, they might wait on texts instead. I feel like they are someone who thinks fondly of you.

Mr/Mrs *insert your name*,

I didn't know it could feel like this. Ha, who would've thought that, ME of all people would like you like some childish crush, though, the child in me still dreams of my shining knight. Are you that person? My shining hero, you might think I read too much fantasy novels or that I'm too obsessed with that one band, haha, I know, I am. I may talk too much about my one interest because It's all I think of. It's where I want to be, want to dream of, it's where my mind wanders and what keeps me occupied. I know you're not like that, or maybe you are, but you don't show it that easily.

I do like you. There, I said it. I want to be polite. I want to court you properly, when I do gather the courage to actually do that. I feel like somehow you might be the one person for me. Therefore, I find you irresistable. Because of that connection between us. We might already be friends, or well, we hang around one another, but I think you and I could be something more.

It had to be you. It just had to be you. That's what Barbra Streisand sings in the song "It had to be you" with Michael Bublé. I am on a cloud. Because I dream too much, I might seem like I am zoning out at times. That's what you do to me. You make me zone out and dream of many things. Sometimes my mind wanders back to those idols though, haha, or my favourite celebrities or games or book characters. But it mostly is you.

I would like to tell you how you inspire me. I am not an artistic person, but if I was, I would draw you. I would paint you. I would want to paint your soul. Does that sound too weird? Probably. See, when I think of you, I think of how you would be the most perfect thing to be laying beside me. To be holding hands with as we walk through an autumn world forest, to get a hot drink with in the cold winter, to meet up with for lunch or dinner. I think of you kindly, admiring and I hope you don't think I'm coming off too strongly on you because yes, I recipocrate this crush you have on me.

Even if you're not sure if you crush on me, I would not mind. Technically, I'm yours. I want to be yours. I might not be too responsible sometimes, I might not take the lead in things but I promise you that I can do that if you allowed me the time to adjust to you, to being around you, and not just you in my head.

I could ramble on and on about you in my head. I don't have many friends and the people I talk to I do mention you. Sometimes when I see something that reminds me of you, like something I see in a store window and I am like, you would like that shit, I'm almost tempted to buy it as a gift. I like gift giving. But I am bad with receiving it. I would really like if we could give each other book or song recommendations, maybe exchange poems. I secretly would give you a poem that explains my feelings for you, not going to lie about that.

Yeah, that's what it is. I sometimes feel like I have no appetite. I don't want to eat when I think of you. I can't get my head straight some days. And then I just focus only on stories. Books. My interests. I would like to get to know your interests too. Sometimes I worry that I am not good enough for you. Or that you would not want me. It keeps me silent. Truly.

It's stupid, I know. I might not come from a good background. My family life was not something that brought me joy and that kept me in my books and my internal world. Or it was my school but I hope that you might want to be my family.

Or is that too much? I'll convince you of how great that would be. :)

Yours truly,

*insert their name*

Pile 4: “A man needs to prove he is better than me, rather than show me his birth certificate.”

This is a soft masculine energy. He comes off hard on the outside. I am getting a definite 'he' but it could also be someone that is considered a butch energy, has macho energy or a person with very masculine energy. Technically it doesn't matter but this person has a message for you and it's coming. :) They're a bit mysterious.

My Destiny.

You feel like my destiny. You know I am a religious person, I think a certain way about life that might be philosophical, it might be faith, it just is my faith. I want you to know that when you're not around, I think of you as special. The song, I am a Creep, by radiohead, you like that one don't you?

Why do I have the feeling that you're after the bad guy. That you're after someone who looks dangerous, could be dangerous and that I would be that person for you. Why do you give me those eyes? That stare? That smirk? You're playing coy but I know that you fantasize about me like I am some devil in the sheets.

I really am not. *Snort*. Truly, you'll think of me less than that. Sometimes I worry that you think of me in a way where you're making this up. About me, information just gets distorted or you make something up in your mind that doesn't truly fit my personality. I would say that I don't mind you doing this, I think it's kind off cute. I think you're cute.

Some days, I wonder what you're doing. Only some days. Like those moments when it's night, you're sitting on the couch or in the tub and I am contemplating what to do now that my phone died (I might just be addicted to my phone) and I think of you in those moments of disconnect. I can watch the moon or I can look up at the nightsky and wonder if you're my person.

I like witches. Eh, did I say that? Yep. You're like a witch to me. Not in a bad way, more like in the way that "I know my girlfirend is a witch" vibe. You are mysterious to me. Something about you that I can't pinpoint my finger on. Something mysterious. It draws me in, but at the same time I don't want to be drawn in by you.

It's a push and pull with my feelings of my heart and my body and my mind. It's like this, I don't think you fit in my ordinairy life. You should do something with someone that fits your life. We might just be dating other people or you might feel unavailable emotionally to me, which is something I can't help but only you can, truly.

Still... I do think of you softly. In the quiet moments. My mind lingers on you. You're my favourite happy place where my thoughts can wander to. My favourite thing to relax, I don't know maybe your body is too. You know how I would love to relax with you, sweaty, together and being intimate in a way that makes you blush if I would ever talk about it nonchalantly in public day light.

I'd like to take you to a restaurant. You'd like that, huh? I know, I am smug when I think I know something about you but truly, i'm just a clueless fool wanting your attention when all but nothing you're just this goddess that could ruin me if you tried.

You don't even have to try, truly. I'm already broken, that's my secret.

I don't fear breaking my heart. So, if you do want to chase this? Chase me, darling.

I am ready.

But, let me say one more thing before I end this message. That dress, those trousers, that favourite clothing item you own, the one that looks comfortable, but isn't? Ehm, yeah, I have thought about you in that exact piece and eh- shamefully have fantasies about you wearing that fucking thing. Sorry, I get carried away when it's you, I really do.

You didn't expect this, did you? I know you think me the person you'd think is your type but you might need to re-arrange your expectations about me. I will disappoint you, I know that I will, I can't do nothing right in my life, why would I do right by you?

I sound like I hate myself. Perhaps I do.

Will you love me then, honey?

You know who I am.

Thankyou for reading this pick a card! I hope the message resonates and that you're able to enjoy this little crush reveal or did not enjoy this crush disappointment. The energies were very different and some messages aren't entirely the same but take whatever resonates, not what doesn't, if your gut feeling says those words weren't from your crush or s/o then they're not.

All the love, elias.

[thissying]

Any max lore you wish fic writers knew about?

Hi! This turned out to be so much more and yet so much less than you probably wanted to know! If anyone feels like adding on or if you have specific questions, go ahead.

I'm not sure why you chose me for this but let me (finally) give it a go. I have to say though, that it's been ages since I've read fic (time issues and I've had my own one on my mind and I've deluded myself into thinking I will actually write it and I can't read fic because then I will lose the tiny bit of confidence and incentive I may have) so I'm not sure I know Max lore that is commonly missing from fic or that writers don't know about and should. So I'll just throw some things out there.

There are simple facts - favourite food, favourite music etc. - that can be found in most interviews (this one is 3 years old but covers that quite a bit). There's more in-depth Max lore in Whatever It Takes and Anatomy of a Champion (I don't know if you can find that subtitled anywhere though).

This is not so much lore but for young/early Max characterisation, I think if you're Dutch and you've managed to catch his early Peptalk interviews, it's obvious he's been outspoken but also has had a great sense of humour since very early on.

I don't know if it's interesting for writers but because sometimes people write Max as if he'd been a friendless loner until he met Daniel (or still is except for Daniel): he's been best friends with Stan Pex his entire life, the boy who he saw driving a kart when he was 4 years old which made him go: I want that, too. And then Jos and Stan's dad started working together and had 3 Pex kids and Max in their kart team. One of them, Jorrit, is now married to Max's aunt (Sophie's sister).

The one I found pretty shocking for a kid was that he was 11 years old when he saw a 19 year old fellow karter (Thomas Knopper) have an accident and pass away on the track.

On a brighter note. In the 'oh really, Max?' category. In the end of August 2017 episode of Peptalk, he was asked about hanging out with other drivers and Daniel in particular and he said that no, they don't hang out. He prefers hanging out with his oldest best friends. He sees him enough at the track already, you know? And then there's this picture from a few weeks before.

Max and Martin Garrix lore. In 2014 Max won the Young Talent Award that was supposed to be presented to him by Martijn but Max was in a taxi in England at the time and the live-feed kept disconnecting. They were in touch a bit after that and then they spontaneously ran into each other one time while on holiday at Ibiza and they hit it off right away ("he's also fairly normal, like me, no crazy stuff or situations.") - Formule1, 2023/2024 issue

And not just Max-specific lore but my pet peeve very important for all F1 fic writers to know: the FIA does doping testing, also during winter-break.

[giggleeclown]

All right. So apparently it’s time to make an awareness post. Because as much as this guy thinks he saved himself, he literally just admitted to a lot of wacky shit that we should know better about by almost 2025

(Screenshots start. NOT my writing.)

___________________________________________

_______________________________________________

(Screenshots end. NOT my writing.)

(My writing starts here.)

TLDR. This guy is 21 and reposts nsfw content. Problem here? He’s “SFW roleplaying with minors”.

This guy is 21 years old. He should not be going anywhere near minors with the contents of his blog and with his age gap. And he should never be roleplaying with minors. He would feel pretty fucking caught if their parents found out, right? That’s weird and absolutely intolerable in the community.

I’ve been here since 2017. I was once the minor that he would have accepted a RP with. And I can confidently say the amount of adults on this app and in this community that thought it was okay to interact so personally with kids my age was abundant and accepted. Over time, it’s improved a lot. But never enough. I ain’t talking about someone who’s like 18-19 years old doing a silly sfw collab with their friend a couple years younger than them or something. Or anyone that’s at least close in age. You’re fine. I’m taking about grown ass adults like this guy who should know better than talking to and roleplaying with kids, no shame. Especially when his blog looks the way it does.

Tk community. There is a difference between nsfw and sfw. But that difference isn’t fucking relevant when an adult, especially an adult that isn’t even a teenager is tk roleplaying with minors. PLUS talking to them about fetishes, asserting a sense of understanding towards their interests, etc. It’s completely unacceptable. Adults of the community. We need to do better and, even if our blogs are sfw, keep interactions with minors civil, clean, constructed and limited. Do not think that this behavior is okay and safe because your blog is sfw. And, if you do post nsfw on your blog, do what you can to keep minors away from it. Do your part and do not stop. Please spread this post and block this person. Do not harass them. Just block and report.

PS. (PSA. this also goes for young adults who are being interacted with or targeted in this way by older adults on the internet. Always remember: Adults can be groomed too.)

(DOUBLE PS. If someone has you in their dni. Stay. Out.)

Update! Through a pretty angry message, I learned that this is his main. Stay safe, everyone!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Not bothering to send this on anon because I'm 75% sure no one in this story even has Tumblr, and I'm 100% sure the main person in the story hasn't used Tumblr since 2017.

AITA for not waking up my friend?

Asking this because a birthday of a deceased loved one is coming up soon and I would really feel like an asshole if I didn't text my friend, but we're not on speaking terms at the moment.

Okay, so story begins 5 days ago: me and some friends (all F between 22-24 years old) including me (24F) and B (23F) were going to hang out at a park near B's house. Everyone except B was ~1 hour drive away, but this park has a migrating species visiting this time of year, and this park was special because B's mom also took her there before she passed away when B was a teenager. So me and other friends drive up, and we are all in a group chat discussing what time we're leaving, so there are text records of when we left, but nobody texted an ETA to B until we got there. B's house is about 5 minutes away, so we figured it wasn't a big deal and she'd meet us soon, so we wait in the parking lot. An hour of us texting and calling her goes by with no responses from B, calls went straight to voicemail. Eventually, she texts back saying she just woke up (it was past noon at this point, and she had texted us ~10am) and that she was still in bed. We all decide to leave without her, and that's when she starts blowing up everyone's phones.

She eventually shows up and finds us, and she had clearly been crying. She started chewing us out on the walking path telling us we should have gone to her house to wake her up, or called her dad to wake her up. (She lives with her dad, but it was the middle of a work day, so I didn't even know he would be home.) She was very upset about us not waking her up and not telling her our exact ETA before we got there, but we were all kind of annoyed that we had waited so long for her too, so it was a very tense hang out.

I was willing to let it go, honestly, even though we've been fighting about a couple other things recently (that deserve their own post, but I know I'm not the AH in that one) and because I had a similar issue last year where I slept through a hang out, and I just ended up showing up late, no big deal. I actually apologized for sleeping through my alarms, which B has still not done. If she'd apologized and THEN said we should have told her our ETA, I would have apologized for that. I have not and do not plan to apologize for not waking her up or calling her dad, because I find that kind of thing childish, but if I'm ruled TAH, I will. I know one friend from the group is on ny side entirely, I don't know the opinion of the other.

We fought about the situation more that night, and after I said it was childish of me to call her dad to get her, she stopped responding. B did text me back the next day telling me she didn't have time to discuss then, but she'd text me back when she did, and now it's been radio silence for almost a week. Now B's mom's birthday is tomorrow, and I feel bad not saying anything to her. In past years we've always talked or hung out, because I know that day is especially hard for her. I definitely feel a little like TAH, but I'm also still mad. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

It looks like Meghan may be test-driving yet another narrative to handle the criticism about her failure to royal: it's all Harry's fault.

This started last week when reporters and journalists were speculating whether the Sussexes, had they stayed in, would have been able to help KP squash all the noise about Kate's condition and help BP squash the nosie about the royal family's bench strength by stepping up royal work. Hugo Vickers more or less said "no, because the Sussexes are only in it for themselves. Meghan wouldn't step up unless she personally benefited. She would have seen nothing in it for herself and would refuse to work."

So cue Esther Krakue, who appeared on Sky News Australia today. She agrees with Vickers that the Sussexes wouldn't have stepped up, but says it's because of Harry. Not Meghan. And the way she lays the blame squarely on Harry, she plays to both sides of the royal fence:

For the squaddies, she says "it's Harry's fault Meghan was a terrible royal because he made her start working before she was ready and willing."

For the rest of us, she says "Meghan lacked the temperament to be a proper royal because she wanted to be in charge and it's Harry's fault because he should have prepared her better."

That she speaks to both sides is making it a little harder to see whether this is Meghan setting up for a divorce narrative or whether this is an olive branch PR.

A quick disclaimer. I've no idea where Krakue falls in the royal reporting spectrum (is she a Sussex mouthpiece? Is she a straight-shooting royalist? Or does she go where the paycheck is?)

For me, I come down on "well, this feels like pre-emptive divorce narrative." Mainly because Meghan has been laying groundwork since 2017 for a domestic violence-based divorce narrative and "Harry forced Meghan to work" not only plays into that, it also implies he threatened Meghan.

Anyway. Here's the story.

And by the way, did you know this is the 11th time Meghan has tried to rewrite the story of her royal career? Let's review them!

#1. While they were dating/pre-engaged (2016 - late 2017): I’ll be the bestest duchess to duchess, better than Kate.

#2. While they were engaged (late 2017 - mid-2018): I’m going to hit the ground running and everyone will be so impressed The Queen will make me her heir.

#3. While “in” for 72 days (mid-2018 - late 2019): I’m only supporting my preferred charities and best friends, how dare you *coat flick*

#4. While Megxiting (late 2019 - March 2020): I don’t need the royals to do good work. They’re old-fashioned anyway. Watch me hit the ground running and being the bestest duchess to duchess.

#5. During the pandemic (March 2020 - March 2021): I’m not bound by the code of ethics the royals are so I can volunteer and support my most passionate causes, politics and political issues.

#6. While sobbing to Oprah (March 2020 - late 2021): I can’t do anything because Waity Katie gets all the help, attention, and money. I’m just a young black mother.

Next, Meghan loses control of the narrative as everyone shows up for the BRF after the Oprah interview, and even more so after Philip passes away. This collective effort establishes the narrative of Meghan's royal career as actually scornful "I should be getting paid for this" contempt (as summed up by Bower in 2021's Revenge). Meghan tries some things to backtrack over this but she just digs herself in deeper and deeper, leading to three competing narratives over Meghan's work--

a) “No one from the palace helped us, we had to do it all on our own because William and Kate were jealous and refused to let anyone help us.” (Sussexes)

b) “It’s your own fault. Harry should have better prepared you for the realities of royal life and actually, HERE ARE THE RECEIPTS, WE DID TRY TO HELP but you wanted your LA teams to do it instead.” (BRF and Royal Rota)

c) “She never wanted to work, she just wanted the fame and fortune, come on you people, it's so [bleeping] obvious." (The public and most royal watchers)

This lasts until the end of 2021 when Sunshine Sachs/Netflix/Spotify finally dig Meghan out through a few rounds of Olive Branch PR and Jubilee and Hollywood manifestations, leading to...

#8. While finally launching her Megxit career (end of 2021 to September 2022, The Queen’s passing): I’m finally doing the work I was promised I could do by the royal family. Look at what you could've had.

#9. After The Queen’s passing (October 2022 to end of 2022): I just wanted to work but they wouldn't let me do anything because they're jealous.

#10. During the Charles era (2023): I couldn’t do anything because the royals are racist.

And now, #11. Royal Health Crisis (January 2024): I never wanted to be a working royal, Harry made me and he didn’t prepare me appropriately.

[sl-walker]

December 29th, 2017

A piece of the December chapter of Stardust, whenever I finally manage to get there! Wherein Ted has made Plans™ and -- since it's his birthday -- Booster isn't allowed to give Ted any shit about them and just has to let himself get spoiled. 🤣

Happy holidays of whichever sort you celebrate, or happy birthday for the Carter twins if you don't celebrate any, and enjoy the bantering!

--

The dress code involved a blindfold.

The dress code involved a blindfold.

If it was anyone else who insisted on that, Booster might have been able to spit out some kind of joke about kinkiness, perhaps involving a birthday spanking, but since it was Ted, he just gaped like a slightly brain-damaged goldfish and flushed so hot in the face that he had to go and splash it with cold water in the kitchen sink.

(He had turned red more times in the past twelve months than he had in his entire life before that, and the blame for that was firmly sitting at Ted Kord’s feet. Except for those times it was sitting at Guy's, anyway.)

Booster knew he wasn’t getting laid tonight, but that didn’t stop his overheated brain from providing him a complete bombardment of scorching mental pornography.  So, after splashing his face with cold water, he also took a cold shower.  That, finally, got all of his blood flow issues to subside back to normalcy, though Booster had to admit they might not stay that way.

Whenever these ‘reservations’ were for, Ted wasn’t in too big a hurry.  Booster couldn’t have said whether that was a blessing or a curse or some weird amalgamation of both.  Ted let him dress himself so far as getting a black undershirt and his good button-fly jeans on — which were definitely the sexiest pair he owned for the way they framed his ass like a work of art (????!!!) — but Ted didn’t even let Booster get his shoes on after that.

And that was why Booster was sitting on the closed lid of his toilet, wringing his hands between his knees, unable to see even a glimmer of light because Ted’s idea of a blindfold sure as hell did its job effectively.

“How long am I gonna be wearing this thing?” he asked, trying not to sound too pathetic.

Ted was moving around; there was rustling and the medicine cabinet opening and then the quiet little ticky-noise that his phone was making as he scrolled or tapped something or another.  “‘Til we get there," Ted replied, sounding vaguely distracted.  "So-- depends partly on traffic.  And your good behavior.”

“Oh, boy, we’re in trouble,” Booster managed to say, voice cracking in the middle, after a moment where he wrestled with the critical psychic damage four words could cause a single human being.  “I haven’t behaved well for a single moment of my life, I don’t know why I should start now.”

“True.  I guess I’ll settle for moderately tolerable behavior under the auspices of a good blindfold.”  Ted said that so sanguinely that it was just inhuman. “Here, I’m gonna fuss around with your hair, okay?”

“Sure,” Booster said, with a giggle that edged hysterical, knuckles popping for how hard he twisted his fingers together.  He still ended up flinching when Ted slid fingers through his hair, feeling wound a few turns too tight, and winced apologetically.  He had people touching his face and applying makeup and styling his hair constantly for work, but apparently the context here was different enough that he wasn’t in that particular headspace, and he didn’t mean to make Ted think he was doing something wrong. “Sorry, I’m good.”

The almost-year that they had been friends now — even accounting for how much of that time was spent most of the way across a country from each other — had given the moments of silence between them a certain kind of language. And back at the beginning, the stretch of quiet that followed would have had Booster ducking and covering his head, at least metaphorically, but now he knew that it was just Ted— just Ted being gentle with him.

And every single time that realization came back around on him, it made him want to cry.

Ted hadn’t pulled his hand back yet, so the warmth and weight of it on Booster’s head was lit up in his mind like a lighthouse; he didn’t even quite realize how— how relaxing that was until his shoulders started unwinding almost without him noticing.  After a couple minutes of that quiet, that stillness, Ted asked tongue-in-cheek, “Actually good now?”

“How dare you imply my incredibly lame attempt to reassure you the first time was inadequate,” Booster said back, with an imperious sniff. “I, sir, am an actor.”

That started with Ted chuckling, but then it quickly built into a proper belly-laugh.  Booster had no idea what had gotten his best friend going, but he ended up grinning along anyway.  Then, still giggling, Ted went back to playing stylist. “Last time your acting skills came up, wasn’t that when you said you were gonna invite Superman to 'Dunkin' Deez Nuts'?”

Booster hadn’t forgotten he’d done that, exactly, but the immediate reminder had him choke on a laugh and then bust up himself.  Which probably made Ted’s attempt to pretty him up harder, but hey.  He laughed until his face ached from it and his gut was sore, then rubbed the hinges of his jaw despite the fact he was still smiling broadly. “Yes, my East Coast manners at work. I do believe that you’re correct, Reporter Kord.”

Ted hummed a happy sound, the kind that warmed Booster to his toes. “Of course I am, Mister Gold.  It was an incredibly memorable interview.  Award winning, in fact.”

“As if I could give anything less than a stellar interview.”  Booster let Ted push his head back a little, feeling about a hundred times more relaxed now, grinning at Ted’s chuckle in response. “No hints as to what this reservation is for?  Not even one?  Not even if I’m really, really good?  For a given definition, anyway, since this is me we’re talking about.”

“Not even one.  Sorry, birthday boy, you’re just gonna have to be patient.”

“There ya go, play to my obvious strengths,” Booster said, drier than Death Valley. “Patience is definitely one of those, yes siree.”

Ted laughed at him (because of course he did) and then just gently took his face in both hands and kissed him on the brow, so sweetly casual that he probably had no idea how fast Booster’s train of thought smashed nose-first into a wall. “Oh, I think you’ll manage,” Ted teased, voice like sunlight, playful and bright.

Booster couldn’t have been more effectively disarmed had he actually been disarmed.

[parkminijiminie]

What is going on with Jimin, Jungkook and Jikook?

Warning: long post

I've been a BTS fan since early 2017. Back in the day, I ran this blog here, analyzing a lot of Jikook moments, but life sort of took over, and I stopped having the time for it. However, I never stopped being a fan and observing BTS and Jikook through the years. There's a lot said and written already about the supposed video of JK, but here are my two cents.

To me, the most logical explanation for that video is that this really is Jungkook. The layout of the apartment matches (yes, even the position of the security system, if you have ever watched JKs lives, you'd know that it actually is at his shoulder height, just like in the video), the dog looks like Bam, the couch is the same and this definitely looks like JK. There's also another video of the man in this apartment, alone, shirtless, and having a whole tattoo sleeve on his right arm just like JK. Obviously, we don't know for sure, but it looks like it's him. People say it was filmed in late Feb, early March, and I agree. JK had the same hair then, the outfits look warm, like winter clothes and not to forget, that when JK was stalked in his gym (late of February) there were a lot of fuss about a girl being there with him, so it all checks out in my book.

Now, what the video shows isn't that scandalous. A boy hugging a girl from behind and them playfighting/tickling each other or whatever. It isn't overly explicit. It could mean a lot of things, but it's clear the people are at the very least physically comfortable with each other. It's a short video. We don't know if they're even alone, but it looks like it. There are a number of possibilities for whom this person is to JK: a long-time girlfriend, a casual hook-up, a one night stand, or just a friend.

We'll probably never know for sure. What we do know is that this is an unacceptable invasion of privacy, and the person who took those videos should be sued for all they are worth. I hope we all agree on that, yes?

Now, if this girl is someone JK is dating/has dated/has slept with, where does that leave his and JM's relationship?

In my eyes, as someone who's observed them for literal years now, there's no way JM and JK have always had a strictly platonic relationship. Too much just doesn't add up. Sure, technically, they could be bestest friends with great chemistry, but as someone who is now 30 years old, I don't think I've seen this type of chemistry between people ever be just platonic. At times, it looked too much like sexual tension for it to easily be dubbed as "friendly".

My theory is this (keep in mind these are still just assumptions):

In 2017-2020, pre-Covid era, JM and JK spent A LOT of time together, basically all of it. BTS were super active, they didn't have any breaks. They were always working. Always on tour and doing smth else. JM and JK were pretty young back then (20-24) and this is typically the time when someone discovers their sexuality and starts experimenting, and I believe that at some point they did this together. They were best friends but also had this weird tension and air around them and I think they could've started a physical relationship back then. The members teasing them hear and there about being a couple, also kind of supports this, though of course, it doesn't prove anything.

Contrary to other people, I don't belive they only just fucked. It's very hard to have sex with someone who you are very close to otherwise, who you love and admire as a person, and not catch romantic feelings for them, so I think they did more than fucking. Whether they had a serious relationship or decided not to label it much, due to MS coming up, the group being in jeopardy or other reasons, I tend to think that other than sex, they also had feelings.

Side note: In any case, they were figuring thinks out about themselves as individuals, as well as a pair. I think maybe this is the time JM realized he is definitely bisexual (which he proudly expressed in his photobook of last year in my opinion). Idk what Jk figured out for himself, if anything.

Anyhow, by 2020‐2021 it seemed they had some sort of agreement about what/who they were to each other. At times they could have been on and off. There might have been other people/partners in-between, but I think they were mainly together by this point. It even looked like they lived together for some time. The fact they always took the same car and they were together on JKs birthday night when they first had number 1 on hot 100 sort of proves it. JM's birthday live in 2021 was also sus af (the way he was blushing while mentioning JK and their whole convos, very sus).

I think before Covid they had smth somewhat stable but then Covid hit. Their schedules changed, it was a tough period overall. Suddenly, they were not working and traveling so much, they were staying in SK. I think this was the time things started getting much more real and different. MS was also in the near horizon. Maybe one of them wanted a more committed relationship, and the other wasn't ready. Maybe they were both afraid. Maybe they tried and it didn't really work out. Maybe one finally realized his sexuality and the other had doubs. Whatever it was, the feelings of affection were still there. Chemistry as well. Proof: JM bday live in 2021 was just crazy, the way he blushed when JK was mentioned and the way the spoke to each other... man. Also, the way the were at PTD L.A. The way JK answered questions about JM etc.

So , all that connected them as people was still there, but I think their relationship come late 2021-early 2022 was definitely more unstable. Who knows what happened then. Personally, I don't believe in the theory that they opened their relationship, rather I believe by the second half of 2022, due to whatever reasons, things were simple mostly off between them. I believe they stayed this way all through the second half of the year and at least the first 4 months of 2023. They were friends, their families still loved and supported each other (JK's mom made seaweed soup for JM's bday, which one does for family) but that's about it. They weren't living together anymore, as well.

The beginning of 2023 we saw a very busy JM and a very not busy JK. Sure, they still commented on their welives but it seemed they didn't meet each other that often. Jm was working, JK was at home and occasionally with Tae. Yeah, JK watched a lot of JM content and often invited him over, but he also didn't know when his promotions will be over and it seemed they haven't seen each other for some time and JK was missing JM. I think if they truly were a serious couple back then, they would still have found the time to meet each other no matter how busy one or the other was, especially considering they live in the same city, and it wasnt the case. I don't think JK would have to resort to watching hours of JM's content just to satisfy his need-for-JM thirst, if they were a couple back then.

So, yeah, I think they were not more than friends by this point, for sure, which also ties up pretty well with the timing of the recent leaked video (February-March). To me it seems that JK and JM probably saw other people in that period, at least JK, JM was pretty damn busy then. Maybe they had some serious partners even, maybe just hook-ups here and there. Maybe this was JK's time to explore more of his heterosexual side, who knows. I don't think he stopped caring for JM in some capacity. In fact it kind of looked like he longed for his company but for one reason or another, they were simply not that much in each other's lives in the first quarter of 2023.

But then something weird happened around June-July. First JM is all scratched up from something (presumably Bam) indicating he saw JK and spent time with him. Then Seven came out and JM flew to NY. There they spend a long, fun weekend amid promotions. It wasn't a secret but they seemed to want to keep private and didn't really want to talk about it , judging by the way JK answered the question about JM being in NY as well. JM was practically silent. Then they returned and that welive happened. The one where they openly flirted, JM said he could handle JK naked, JK blushed like a school girl and tried everything in his power to get to JM but JM said "I'm not that easy". That welive. Idk about you, but that welive didn't seem platonic to me at all and if I had been JK's partner at the time, I would definitely be very angry with his behaviour. I don't think JK is disrespectful and a cheater, and neither is JM for that matter, so I believe there's no way any of them had a partner when that welive happened. I simply refuse to belive they are that type of people.

So, my conclusion is they were both single then and something definitely happend in July and NY. They returned somewhat different and they still kind of are. Jk posted pics of NY to Twitter for the first time. Jm shared a pic from then for JKs bday (shirtless, as we all know) and then recently another pic from a boat that could have been from back then, as well. The whole way they're acting offline and online strangely reminds me a lot of the time after their trip to Tokyo, actually. The way JM has been posting about JK very much give me nostalgia about the way he used to post Jikook often in 2017-2018 before he withdrew from social media. But maybe that's just me 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, to finish this long post I will say this. I don't know what Jikook were and are to each other and unless, it is explicitly denied the person in the video is JK, I will believe that it's him. But also, unless it is confirmed he currently has a girlfriend, I will have my doubts. The video is old and in any case, it doesn't prove much other than the fact JK is maybe into women (solely or also into them). This video though doesn't automatically negate everything I've seen between Jikook through the years. In some ways, it confirms what I've been thinking for a long time now. Unless JM and JK personally shut down any rumors about them and deny any romantic connection or confirm a relationship with someone else , I still believe that at some point in their lived their relationship crossed the platonic line.

Whether that was in the past or is currently true, I only can guess, but to me there's no way these two were always, all these years, just only friends.

For now, I will observe how JK, JM and Hybe are acting after the leaked videos and go from there. It will also be indicative.

Peace.

[ropebunnykant]

That post you made about hoping there was an intimacy coordinator on the THK set actually made me wonder if those are even a thing in Thailand (simply because I don't recall intimacy coordinators ever being mentioned in any bts content for the shows I've watched). I also say that because idk how long they've been common in the west either. In fact, the first time I ever learned of their existence was a few years ago when I watched bts videos for a western show I was into. Before that I just assumed the actors either followed the script (as in, the intimate scenes were already written in great detail in the script, enough so for the actors to go off of that) or just went with the flow/improved (in cases where the writers/director trusted them to understand the characters enough to do a great job with it). 💀 But I definitely agree with you that there should be an intimacy coordinator on THK at least for the kinky scenes because that's a lot to be asking of your actors to do on their own, even if the script is detailed. 🙃 However, as I said, I wonder if they even utilise intimacy coordinators in Thailand, as I feel they're more a (recent-ish) western thing.

okay, i actually didn't have an exact answer for when intimacy coordination became more of a thing in the west, either, cause i actually only became more aware of it a couple years ago when they were using one at my college for spring awakening (if you know ANYTHING about that musical, you know it needs a fucking intimacy coordinator), but! according to my googling, intimacy coordination actually became more of a thing after the #metoo movement back in 2017, so it's actually only really been a thing in the west for less than 10 years, and even then it's not an industry standard unfortunately.

that being said, i figure it's not as much of a thing in thailand from what i have seen because in addition to just now doing a little googling and seeing a thai director very recently mentioning he thinks he's one of the first to use one in thailand, i've heard a concerning amount of actors talk about how they've improvised intimate scenes (fk and freenbecky in their respective first time couch scenes in only friends and gap come to mind). and sure, it could be like a fanservice thing, but also given how common it actually is for directors to tell actors to just wing it when it comes to intimate scenes, i wouldn't be shocked if they really are just telling these actors to go for it. which is personally very conflicting to me because i've been educated on intimacy coordination and even worked with an intimacy coordinator myself for a show i was in, so i know how important that is to do for your actors first hand... but at the same time man do i love that sandray couch scene! though, arguably, it could have been even better if they had had an intimacy coordinator, cause it's not like actors aren't allowed to give suggestions in those incidents, so fk could have still had some involvement in how the scene went, y'know?

that being said, though, i did speculate back when our skyy 2 was airing that they used an intimacy coordinator for the eclipse episodes because in the kiss at the beginning of ep2, you can see khaotung tapping against first's neck, which i interpreted as him tapping out the beats, and you can find that post here. also, i don't remember what show it was from (bed friend maybe?) because i didn't watch it myself, but i had a friend point out that the intimate scenes looked almost choreographed - which is a good indicator that they were likely using an intimacy coordinator, since intimacy coordination at its core its very much choreography, a lot of the time it's broken down into beats in order to time things out and make the actors more comfortable. that's all speculation, though, cause i don't know for sure whether an intimacy coordinator was used for either of those

however, like you said, with scenes like the ones we're gonna see in the heart killers there absolutely needs to be an intimacy coordinator for stuff like that. honestly, i'd argue that there should be regardless of what kind of sex is happening on screen - if your characters are having sex, there should be an intimacy coordinator - but i understand that it's not an industry standard even in the west where it's more common and a lot of directors don't recognize how important it is. and for certain things, i recognize a director is likely to give more detailed instructions to help the actors feel more comfortable, but it's always just better to have someone that does that sort of thing professionally to step in and help - especially because again, the actors and the director are allowed to communicate their ideas for how they want the scene to play out. the intimacy coordinator is there to ensure everyone is comfortable and basically that no one gets traumatized. and i will preface this with the fact that i love jojo, i do, however the fact that he let fk just improvise the couch scene does not give me high hopes for the way the bdsm scenes were handled on set. and i mean, obviously we know that fk are close and have a lot of love and trust for one another, they have a history of these kinds of scenes already, and likely does help when it comes to their comfortability and whatnot. however, it's still like. a whole other thing to be putting nipple clamps on your best friend and tying him down for a camera, yknow?

regardless, i am excited for those scenes, i just do hope we get some bts stuff that confirms they did use an intimacy coordinator yknow sjdkfsd

[thorraborinn]

I know you have done posts about the etymology of the name Sigyn, but what I was wondering was if you might know where the idea that she's a Valkyrie comes from? I see a lot of posts on here saying that her name means friend of victory and that means she was a badass Valkyrie serving Odin, which doesn't make any sense or seem likely to me. I honestly feel this way because of stanza 22 of Lokasenna, wherein Loki calls out Odin's treatment of humans in battle, which makes me question why he would marry a Valkyrie. I don't know, maybe someone else can answer this, if not. I'm going to write a post about my continued quest to find more fun books about Norse mythology and Loki especially, so I will most likely mention it in that.

I agree with you that the theory that Sigyn is a valkyrie is not correct. I'm not sure where it originated, but there are a few reasons that I am not surprised that people believe it.

Sigyn has been studied and debated for well over a hundred years, but nobody really proposed a good etymology for her name until 2017, and he did it in a very dense linguistics paper that's difficult for most people to understand. Especially in his second, more verbose paper on the subject, he also included a lot of comparative Indo-European mythology that most people rightly regard as speculative and outdated, and while it doesn't ruin his etymological argument, some non-linguists might object to it and find the author less credible because of it.

The element sig- or sigr- means 'victory' and is very common in Old Norse names in general, and occurs twice in Valkyrie names (Sigrdrífa and Sigrún). It's much more common in human names, but Sigrdrífa is an important enough figure to stand out and probably adds to the perception that sig- names are typical of valkyries.

We are now fairly certain that Sigyn's name is actually Sígyn with a long i, so it isn't 'victory' at all, and most likely originally meant something to do with pouring liquid, but again, this was only formally demonstrated in 2017 in a paper that few people have read. So the 'victory' interpretation prevails for now. It had a 100+ year head start, and it will take a long time for Ginevra's new etymology to reach people.

Since deity names usually have some connection to the deity's role, domain, or actions they perform in myth, it seemed for a long time like there was an unanswered question about what exactly Sigyn did that was victorious enough to be named that. Deciding that she must be a valkyrie is a neat solution to that question, because it would mean she doesn't have to acquire victory herself, but because valkyries pertain to granting or withholding victory in general it would make sense for a valkyrie to have that name.

The last thing that I can think of is that it could be an extension to a theory about why Loki is hanging around with the æsir to begin with. It's a common theory that Loki's mother Laufey was an áss and that's why he took her name as a matronymic rather than his jötunn father's. But it also makes some sense to propose that he married into the æsir. It's enough to suggest that Sigyn is an áss, but to say that she is a valkyrie ties up the previous two points and connects it to this one, because valkyries pertain to the æsir through Óðinn, even without really being æsir themselves.

So basically, it's a nice, neat theory that cleanly ties up a lot of loose ends, it's just that whenever you find one of those in the field of Norse mythology it's almost always wrong.

[Edit] I should also add that I understand that for some people this is really more of a gut feeling interpretation and that many people have found meaning in the 'victory-friend(fem.)' interpretation even while understanding that it isn't etymological, I'm really not trying to dismantle any of that, but just to clarify what's represented directly in medieval texts.

[contentment-of-cats]

I'll say it again. Andor is the best Star Wars show.

And that's because they didn't let Dave Filoni anywhere near it.

The show is called 'Ahsoka' but is actually an unaired season of Rebels. It ought to have been called 'attempted massive retcon at unwise forward speed' or 'Sabine has abandonment issues and makes poor decisions.' There are good scenes (possibly from another show, which one is anyone's guess) strung together with tired plot devices. Thrawn was chucked into this mess because there was no other way to move the plot. I did dig on some of the details like the signs of age and hard living and the obvious condition of the Chimaera. Other than that - pfft.

Turning to Thrawn - I am an unabashed fan of the Zahn-authored 2017 Trilogy and the HTTE trilogy (except the ending). He is complex neither all good or all evil. He is an antagonist and protagonist at once. Someone to root for and also against. Did he contrive his exile to join the Empire and possibly take it over in order to protect his people? It's possible. I don't think we'll ever find out, though. That being said, I don't think we're going to get much more from two more episodes.

One of my friends said that Filoni writes for children's shows, and it's true. The characters are almost cartoonish, not understandable as adults, but as kids understand adults to be. Perhaps I am expecting too much from an eight-episode MCU-kin show, but there was time to develop Sabine, or FFS Ahsoka (you know, the protagonist?), to fill in whatever has gone on in the past nine years since the Battle of Yavin, five years after Endor. For Sabine and Ezra, there should have been more feeling in that scene than the swell of the music.

A lot of the blame rests with Disney, and the paranoia-controlled process to stamp out leaks at all costs. There is a continuity to writing a script, working out the story boards, reading the script, and then shooting that is entirely lacking in franchise-oriented product. Franchise oriented product is formulated to sell merch and streaming subscriptions, and to drive bodies into theme parks. It's marketable.

The writers' and actors' guild strikes are ongoing. I'm content to wait - writers and actors have been getting screwed, fucked, and buttered without mercy for years. There is a new intensity to the talks as the studios start to sweat.

Final note: I love Thrawn, but the ageism of a vocal part of the fandom makes me want to still be around when these people hit 50. Age and illness and injury HAPPEN. Our bodies do not work as well when joints break down, we get hurt, or sick. Even when he regain functionality, it doesn't all come back. Even when our lives are saved, there are still sequelae. It's made me think less of some folks.

[stuffnonsenseandotherthings]

Love in the Big City Part 3 - Notes from a Reader (2)

Note 2: Enter Kylie

In part 3 of Love in the Big City Young finally introduces us to a character who, up until this point, we weren't aware had been present since the very first sentence: Kylie.

Kylie has been with Young since his military service, Kylie was with Young throughout his university years with Jae Hee, throughout his mothers 2 bouts of illness, throughout his relationship with Hyung, for five full years of his life.

And yet it is only now, in Part 3, that Young speaks her name.

And my question is why now?

Note 2.25: Perceptions of HIV in Korean Society

I touched briefly on the stigma and misinformation surrounding HIV in Korean society in this post here but I cannot stress enough how deep rooted those beliefs are:

"According to the 2015 national survey conducted by the Korea Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (KCDC) regarding HIV/AIDS-related knowledge, attitudes, and beliefs, the words most frequently associated with AIDS include “incurable disease” and “death” (25.3%), followed by “fear,” “horror,” and “danger” (11.5%)."

("Factors Influencing Young Korean Men’s Knowledge and Stigmatizing Attitudes about HIV Infection", Shim and Kim)

People living with HIV in Korean society face being tested for HIV without their consent (most Korean companies require their employees undergo annual health screenings), their medical information being shared without their knowledge (the illegality of the data breach is not always a barrier), medical professionals refusing to perform procedures, losing their jobs or being denied job opportunities, and being cut off from their family and friends should they choose to disclose their diagnosis due to poor understanding of what HIV is and how it is transmitted.

In addition to the social stigma, it's also important to understand that many people living with HIV in Korea struggle with poor self-perception and internalised stigma. A study conducted in 2017 found that:

"75% of all respondents felt self-blame due to their HIV status at least once in the past 12 months. 64.4% stated having feelings of guilt, and 59.6% reported having low self-esteem. 26.9 % also agreed with the statement “I had the feeling I should be punished”. [...] Only 13.5% stated that they experienced no negative feelings in connection with their HIV status in the past 12 months."

("Unknown Lives: Initial Findings from the People Living with HIV Stigma Index in South Korea 2016-2017")

Surrounded by so much stigma and misinformation as they are, it is unsurprising that disclosure rates amongst Koreans are lower than in many other countries ("Predictors Associated With HIV Status Non-Disclosure in Korea", Kim and Woo) and that many chose not to share their diagnosis with any one but especially those closest to them (and especially ).

Note 2.5: Young and Kylie

Young's experience with Kylie closely maps on to the experiences of Korean PLHIV (People Living with HIV) discussed above.

Firstly, he is diagnosed with Kylie after being tested for it without his consent (p. 135) and lives with the fear of a repeat scenario, especially in relation to how such an infringement on his person would affect his ability to get a job (pp. 163-164 and again p. 176). In addition to this, he is exposed first hand (and quite possibly partook in prior to his own diagnosis) the social stigma that accompanies a known HIV diagnosis:

"When I drank with them, some guy rumoured to be poz passed by, our resident clown Eun-Jung would say, 'Everyone cover your glasses,' and we'd all burst out laughing." (p. 157)

(On a side note, in a study I can frustratingly no longer find it was observed that HIV stigma was not much lower amongst the queer community in Korea than it was in any other cross section of society and this passage feels like a nod to how the lack of easily accessible information and long held misinformation has effectively barred queer Koreans with HIV from finding support amongst their own community.)

Finally, as blasé and as care-free as Young tries to sound about his diagnosis, there are definitely signs that he, like so many others, suffers with feelings of guilt, self-blame, and the belief that "[he] should be punished". Kylie is the reason he expects Gyu-Ho to walk away from him as soon as he discloses his diagnosis, Kylie is the reason he tells Gyu-Ho to sleep around in Japan and subsequently accepts things when he believes Gyu-Ho is continuing to do so once back in Korea, "Kylie is [his] burden to bare and [his] alone" (p. 166) even when Gyu-Ho is the one who willingly "potion[s] out [his] pills and water every morning" (p. 178) and obviously has no qualms about helping Young manage his illness.

Kylie is the reason Young lets Gyu-Ho go:

"Kylie.

I had wanted too much. I'd already been given so much in the past three years. When you try to have too much, you're bound to stumble at some point." (p. 176).

Note 2.75: Why Now?

Young's experience with Kylie is the mirror of many Korean PLHIV and this includes his reluctance to disclose his diagnosis to anyone. He doesn't tell his mother, he doesn't tell Hyung, he doesn't tell the T-aras, and he doesn't tell Jae Hee.

It's only natural that he wouldn't tell us, the reader, either.

It's none of our business.

This is his most closely guarded secret, his most vulnerable point, the spectre that looms over his life and threatens to take everything away if he puts a foot wrong or lets slip to the wrong person.

The only person in the story he shares Kylie's existence with (beyond his doctors) is Gyu-Ho and it is because Gyu-Ho knew and stayed and embraced him that we know.

So why now?

Because up until Gyu-Ho, Young probably didn't feel able to talk about Kylie to anyone, in anyway. Gyu-Ho's acceptance of his diagnosis and his refusal to let it scare him away changed that; it created a space in which Kylie could be talked about, not without fear (certainly not) but with the knowledge that he wouldn't be abandoned or judged or rejected, that he would be sympathised with and loved and supported.

"Because whatever it was or wasn't, you were you."

[notafunkiller]

Hi, did you saw a new article with seb where he call Trump paranoid little man? I wonder what you think about it.

Because for me it leave bad taste. I know seb is in the middle of fighting for oscar campain but i think this was to much. He play trump and yes its just a role but he start to make it look like the hardest thing he done, like he hate trump so much he had to force himself to do it. And he dont have to like trump fair, but i think the problem is how seb speak about it, aside of what we say its also important how we say it, the words we use. Politic is really dangerous topic, people fight and harm over it and have really strong emotions attach to it, so i think sebs statement make at least some people mad just because they suppost trump. Also in my eyes using such a belittle terms seb use towards trum might push people who werent sure onto trump side, they might be taken back with what seb shows and in the end stop supporting him(its just my theory and my point of view so i can be wrong). And all of that right before elections, like noone think of what if? What if trump will win, in 2017 people also dont like him, i saw celeb and internet figures making fun of him yet he won, noone can be 100% sure he will lose now, not until the votes are count, so does noone think where this might go? There is a way seb still could say trump is not great, he dont have to hide his thoughts but word them better maybe. Trump is not the best but this cast crew dont act better, they say they better but act just like trump, they can shake hands, like what push me away was when the movie pr decide to flew a baner over trump camp that say they shouldnt be there with trump but they should watch go and their movie insted(like that was low and straight from the trump book, so if they whant to play it like this ok but the actions have consequences). Also the trump movie stop fillings theatres to the full quite quick after premiere, they dont sell all the tickets, they bearly make over 1 milion and also ask people to help them with movie and they will be in the credits? This all situatuon is slowly out of hand those days, i trully dont know where they going, it scare me because i think they dont think about consequences of their actions they whant awards but dont look at other things, what if the bigger grupe of people will get mad, do we know they will not attack, it happened before over politic so its not something that is not in discussion at all, its a posibility, sad and scary but it. And in the end how oscars will react to this? Do they whant to play this game when they have other nominated movies ? I dont know what to think, i hope its worth it for seb but he can lose big time, and i dont know how his oscar situation looks right now.

Sebastian was always loud on how he feels about tr*mp. He tried to keep it lowish during the us promotion time, but since he came to europe (then returned), after tr*mp called the whole team a name dictators would use based on what they said after, he let himself be less careful and was honest.

He isn't the only public person who is clearly against tr*mp. We saw many going to support Kamala. Big names. Way bigger than him (and yes, the risks for them are lower, but he is a big boy)

I do appreciate people who stand up and don't pretend they are neutral or that politics = not their concern because everything is influenced by politics. He also comes from Romania... a country that fought for freedom of speech, freedom of choosing a politician, freedom if art. People were always afraid of speaking because they could have been arrested. The revolution was bloody here...

Do I think it's wise objectively speaking? No. His career can be easily affected + his family and friends. Do I think he could say things in a more diplomatic way? Yes.

He will always be seen as a foreigner by the American film industry. He still, if you asked me, doesn't fully accept himself and his roots. He says he is very american, but he is so european it hurts. I do not think he even realizes.

And because he is from Eastern Europe though in an industry that does not value this side of Europe the way they value the West, I am not that hopeful he'll get his award. I know how much he wants this Oscar, but I have no idea what are the chances for him to get it for TA. Regardless if he wins or not, tr*mp still has power and Idk if the industry wants to be on bad terms with him.

[zenis-castle-in-the-sky]

Two year update -v-

6 paragraph essay warning!!!!!111!!!!1!! Nah, I'm just kidding.

I started this blog as a coping mechanism to deal with a toxic friendship I had from 2017-2021. It took me a couple years to figure out that I was just the backup choice for a potential relationship. I also figured out this "friend" needs serious therapy and healing. But what do I know? My only regret was allowing myself to become way too attached. As they call it, Stockholm syndrome, I was addicted to this person.

I no longer make poems, and I haven't documented a dream in this blog for two years. While I still miss these people that I've constantly complained about, I am also still trying my hardest to move on. It's getting easier day by day as I grow wiser and think less on it and more about how much better life is now.

That being said, life is so much better now. It's not AS great as two years ago, or even last year, as I had lost 60 lbs and was feeling happier and more confident in my skin than ever. Unfortunately, I gained all the weight back during last autumn and winter, so now I am back where I started with that. It has led to more anxiety episodes from me. However, that doesn't mean I've given up. It's just harder for me to lose weight now. I'm still trying. I just have less ways and options at the moment. I will be moving again, soon, so then it will be easier.

Oh yeah, I haven't mentioned yet. I moved to Texas in February this year. Why? Because my husband lives here! We initially were supposed to get married in February, but due to ~things~, we have happily married on September 6th, 2024. We have struggled a li financially wise due to ~things~, that were out of our control, but again, we will be moving again, soon, so then it will be easier.

I am absolutely in love with my husband. He and I met in 2021 as friends but we did not start dating until May 1st, two years ago. I am truly grateful I decided to play Roblox that day that we met, or else I would be the same woman as if I did not. Lonely, sad, hopelessly romantical, mooching off her father, still. I do not feel like I deserve my husband, especially since I have gained all this weight back I don't think he should have a fat wife. And I mean FAT wife. I have a double chin, overhanging belly, my fingers are sausages. But somehow he still loves me. For a while I was convinced it was a friend of my ex boyfriend's, pretending to love me as a prank because he was salty he never got to see my tits. But, like, I met his parents. He met my parents. He married me. We had sex. There's no way that he could be that. He truly loves me, and yet I'm over here with this mental illness that will only go away when I lose weight. I feel bad, making him go through that. Still, he says he will always support me, help me when I need it, and he's even agreed to be the regulator for how much I eat, and prevents me from cutting myself. I am truly grateful for this man He makes me the happiest woman in the world.

I've thought about going back to documenting my dreams, but I haven't been having them as much as I thought I would. Even when I was getting tons of sleep, I had no dreams. Even now that I have less sleep, I still have no dreams. they're rare, now. It's okay, though, I don't mind it. It just means that I don't remember the dreams. After all, everyone dreams. We just don't remember them. And that's why we write them down.

that being said, I DO have some of my dreams written down. I only have a few, in my notes app. Maybe I will start writing them down again? I dunno.

[thatseventiesbitch]

Hello,

I apologize for how late this ask (all my friends are asleep at this hour and they are not familiar with that 70s Show) is but can I ask for some advice? That 70s show is my favorite comfort show and Hyde was my favorite character but after hearing about was DM did, I don’t know what to do because I really want to continue watching That 70s Show but how can I continue watching my comfort show without remembering what the actor did? I know that some people are still continuing loving Hyde and are just separating the actor and character but everyone deals with the news in their own way. Before I end this, I just want to say sorry for the late ask as well as how lengthy this is.

Hi anon,

I'm sorry that I'm getting back to you a bit late.

I think you should do what is best for you, even if that's different from what others are saying and/or doing. If watching the show or engaging with the fandom is reminding you of DM and the horrid things he's done, then maybe try stepping away for awhile. You can always come back. Others may not find it as difficult to separate the actor from the character and will continue to watch and enjoy the show. That's alright too. Like you said, everyone deals with things in their own way.

Personally, I am (mostly) able to make that separation in my mind and continue to enjoy That '70s Show and Steven Hyde, but sometimes it's hard for me too. Every once in awhile the character will have a line or a mannerism that feels more 'Danny' than Hyde to me (that happens with each of the characters/actors), and that really pulls me out. And bothers me, when I am reminded of what DM did and the fact that he did it while he was on That '70s Show. No doubt - this situation has created a big black cloud over my favorite show, and I hate that.

I think it's also worth noting that many of us have been grappling with this news for a very long time - for me, since 2017 when the allegations became very public and he was written off The Ranch. So I've had a lot of time to work through this, personally. And that included taking some significant time off from the show altogether, when I first learned about all of this. If you haven't had that time - maybe give yourself the time. Like I said, you can always come back. Or maybe you won't. And that's okay too. (But we will miss you, anon!)

[notsofastwawa]

I've recently been thinking about the 2017 Power Rangers movie. Now that so many people are saying what I've been saying since I first watched the movie...it wasn't that bad. The movie was actually pretty good, the cast was great and had awesome chemistry (even though the suit design was pretty meh and the MegaZord was not bright enough)

My main issue about the movie was Kimberly's storyline. They made her irredeemable IMO. Kim was part of the popular cheerleaders, she LEAKED HER BEST FRIEND'S NUDES (and only got detention, the punishment didn't fit the crime...she should have gotten suspended) then went "Poor me my ex best friends are mean to me 🥺😔".

Kim got called to the principals office and her bff's father had to be shown why his daughter didn't want to come to school anymore. KIM SAW FIRSTHAND HOW THESE PICTURES BROKE HIM, I think she said he cried...and we are supposed to feel bad for Kim (OK 😒)

Also, she never fucking apologizes for doing that. She just cuts her hair short and claims to be a new person. Then later in the movie Kim purposely destroys their car with the MegaZord (She smiles and sarcastically goes oops) we're supposed to be glad that happened

Also, Also! I liked some of her outfits, my one minor thing is that she doesn't have enough pink in her color palette. So Kimberly is getting bright pink Docs!